Mare-do-well:Love Hurts

by The Frank

Rating: teen
Tags: Mare Do Well, Alternate Universe, Anthro, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Fluttershy, Adventure
Length: 6623

Ponyvilles local superhero in an epic showdown with her Arch-enemy. But is that really all there is to this story?

Due to consequences of an experiment gone wrong, Rainbow Dash has gained superpowers and has taken up the mask and the cape to bring justice and peace as Mare-do-well.

This particular day, in which our story unfolds, our hero comes home to an empty apartment, preparing for an evening of solitude and slacking. But things change quick! The maresignal lights up the sky! Some foul play is at work, and once again, the silent superhero must get into action to save Ponyville from the evil things threatening.

A bank heist/hostage situation is the works of Mare-do-wells archenemy, the only mare she never seems to catch. It is time for a showdown.

But is that really all there is to this story?

Inspired by Kim W. Andersson and his brilliant comic "Love hurts#12". And this Ponyville is pretty much a small Gotham city. Just so you know.
The cover picture is something I found on google, I don't know who the artist is. Sorry.

Edited by Nopony Important. Invaluable help! Thanks!

Slightly rewritten on December 8 2014.

Published 2014-12-05 00:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-05 00:30:04 UTC

Where the action is.

Clearing the mind. Concentrating on my breathing. In. One, two three. Out. One, two, three. In ten seconds, the world will explode. In. One, two, three. Out. One, two, three. In ten seconds, I will kick that door in. Hopefully, I will be the one standing when this is over. No! No such thoughts now. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Right now, I am Rainbow Isabelle Dash, Wonderbolts’ reserve and weathermare of Ponyville district 4. Right now, I am 23 years old, a bit hungry and engaged to the hottest mare around.
Ten seconds from now, I’ll leave that behind me. When I smack down that door, I’ll be Mare-do-well, resident vigilante and Superhero of Ponyville, just about to serve a fresh knuckle sandwich of JUSTICE to somepony’s face.

*KRASH*

The door goes down. Everypony’s attention is on me; nopony moves. Hero time.

"Honey, I'm home!"
The call was met with no answer. Rainbow Dash let out a sigh as she entered the apartment. She took off her coat and threw her bag in a corner. She took off her shoes and socks and left them on the hallway floor, something she knew Fluttershy hated. With nopony around to see her, there was no reason to hide her disappointment. This had been a rough day; and on the bus ride home, the only thing keeping her awake was the vision of a naked marefriend in the shower, then the sofa, then the bed. And now, that vision went out the window. A note on the table, as expected.

Have business to take care of today. Leftovers in the fridge. So, so, sorry ♥.
I’ll give you a make-up dinner later.
XOXO Fluttershy.

Rainbow Dash sighed again. At least there was a note, and a promise of Fluttershy cooking was always something. But she really didn't want to be alone tonight. And how she hated that word. Business. Hopefully that meant just "business". She didn't want to think about the alternative right know.

Well, the evening was already ruined, better to just get things over with. In the kitchen she found the leftovers, moussaka. She put it in the microwave, went out on the balcony, and picked at a few fresh leaves of salad. In the living room, she let Tank and Angel out of their cages and fed them. Then she stripped down to her underwear and went to the kitchen. Passing by the hall mirror, she gave herself a quick glance. She even did a quick flare with her wings and gave herself a smug smile. Yep, still looking awesome. It made her feel a bit better at least.

Would have felt better if Flutters had said that to me instead, though.

She grabbed a cold beer from the fridge and took out her plate. Back in the living room, she put her food on the table, then threw herself down on the couch. Without enthusiasm, she turned her attention to the food. She lifted the fork, only to lower it again. Then she folded her hands, shut het eyes and whispered, like a prayer.

Mercyful Celestia, please make this a dull, boring and CALM evening. Please let me doze of on the couch, eating junk food and watch crappy shows. Please make this evening end with me beeing woken up by my gorgeous and horny marefriend. Nothing else, nothing more. Please?

She gave the dark evening sky an glance, and then she started shoveling food into her mouth and picked up the remote. After a quick look through the channels, she decided to watch a rerun of Power Ponies. Episode three of the second season, the one where Pharaoh Phetlock returns. One of the better ones.

With half the beer emptied, and most of the food down, Rainbow slowly started to doze off. But then, a red light started to blink on the wall. Rainbow Dash was instantly wide awake. She ran out on the balcony, just to be on the safe side. And there it was, the Maresignal, a beacon against the sky.

So much for praying...

She walked to the secret wardrobe and pulled out her costume, then climbed up her secret ladder to the roof. Inhaling sharply, she put on the mask and the hat, then spread her wings and took the sky.

As the door falls over, I'm inside the room, fully exposed. I'm not going for a slow, tensed entrance; quick, loud and forceful is my way of doing things. Still not a movement from anypony but me. Yep, the element of surprise works its magic again. Now I have at most four seconds to scan the environment. I use a simple four-point checklist: 1. Anything exploding. 2 Civilians in danger. 3. Number of scumbags. 4. Any guns?

The main hall of First Bank of Equestria is huge. The entrance is 75 meters to my left. Wonder how I know? It’s my job to know. There are two sliding doors, creating a small vestibule. I always think of them as airlocks. Makes a visit to the bank 20% cooler, but I admit it is a bit childish. The vestibule is filled with sandbags I think. Nopony gets in that way, not at least without ten minutes of work-out. On my right are the counters, complete with fake gold arches and marble. Behind them is something that looks like a small house in the house. Three stories high. It looks like something from Prance, and probably contains offices. On top of the office building is a large balcony. They seem empty, but you can never be sure. However, I have to leave them for now. Still on point one on my checklist. No sounds of exploding, no light from explosions, and I’m still standing. Nothing is exploding, then. Number two. Well, it’s impossible to avoid the huge net that hangs from the roof, some 15 meters above the floor. And if you didn’t see it, you would hear the crying and screaming. 15 metal crates are placed beneath it, and the net looks like a huge shopping bag, but it’s filled with what I assume is all of the hostages. 35 staff and 42 customers. My first object should be bringing them down, but I have to make sure that can be done without any civilian pony getting hurt, which brings me to number three.

I turn my attention to the seven ponies on the floor. Their clothes are a mix of black jackets and overalls. Henchmen. I think I know who I’m facing here, and she never goes shopping without a couple of scumbags. Six of them are definitely earth ponies, but one of them wears a hat. Might be a unicorn. Unicorns needs to be dealt with first of all, before they get a chance to use their magic. Luckily, he’s the closest to me.

I hate to attack somepony unprovoked, but my prime concern is the hostages. And the first step to safety is dealing with these guys. The element of surprise is still on my side, but speed is crucial when it comes to dealing with unicorns. I use my wings, and before he can move, I’m over him. I go for a knockout and punch his throat. He tries to dodge, not enough to avoid the blow, but enough to avoid the K.O. It still makes him dizzy, enough to keep him from using magic. The hat falls off. Yep, he’s a unicorn alright. I take his hat, and pulls it down over his eyes. If he can’t aim, his magic is less of a threat. He might be stupid, and fire blindly, but even unicorn scumbags aren’t THAT stupid. I knee him in the stomach and hit the back of his head with my hand. He’s out.

Now, however, the paralysis of his comrades have stopped. The bulkiest one points at me.

"It's Mare-do-well! Get her!"

Well, ten points to you, genius. I’ve only been here for one minute and I just beat the crap out of your pal. And NOW the wires connect? And why does everypony say “get her”? Why can't somepony say, “Hey, wanna have coffee?” And why point to me? Is he afraid that his comrades don’t see me?

A stallion with a brown mane and orange fur runs towards me. He’s all muscle, and if used properly, his force might very well take me out. But he relies too much on raw muscle power and no technique. No experience here, I see. He thrusts his right hand forward, but he puts all his strength in the blow, so he loses his balance. I could see that move miles away. I dodge the blow, crouch down to grab his hoof, and send him into the wall. Two down.

As I turn back to the others, I hear a distinct click. One of them just unholstered a revolver. It’s the stallion furthest from me. Nopony else moves. Lucky for me; it’s only one gun. Bad for me; it’s still a gun. Even though one of my superpowers is quick healing, I’m not bulletproof. Until I can get close to him, my best strategy is to move fast and unpredictable. How the buck you do that.

He fires. He’s good, unfortunately for me. I make a quick dodge to the left, but the bullet pierces my hat. The other stallions stay away, smart enough to stay out of the line of fire. I have nopony to shield me, so I have to do it myself.
You think being a superhero is all about muscles? The brain is your most important tool. I have to take the advantage his gun gives him and use that against him. You think that’s hard? Watch this.

He fires again. I grab my shoulder and crouch down to the floor. My left hand is shaking. There’s blood trickling down my arm. I make a quick moan of pain. To anypony in this room, I appear not mortally wounded, but out of battle. Exactly the way I want them to think. Now there are two possible scenarios. The second one is the most dangerous. He could stay cool and fire another shot, probably aiming for my head or my chest. Those guys are rare, but you run into them when you least expect it. I ogle at him, unnoticed, from the corner of my eye. The advantage of not showing my eyes. He does not raise the gun to a shooting angle. This guy is clearly from group one. The one who needs to blow off some steam. He waves the gun, and walks closer to me.

"Not so tough now? Aye? Aye? Looks like this one's on me? Aye? Come on, you bucking bitch, I was talking to you! Ain't so tough now, aye?"

I don't have to be.

I’ve fooled him with one of the oldest tricks, and now he's boasting with confidence, which means not paying attention. Closer. Closer. Just a little bit closer. He’s still talking, pretty pissed off by my silence, it seems.

“Talk to me, bitch! Answer me! Who’s the boss now, uh? Who’s the boss?”

Now. I start from my crouched position, putting all my strength in the punch, but not losing my balance. A quick hit in solar plexus. He goes down like a drunk minotaur, but his finger is reflexively pressing the trigger. A shot goes off. However, his aim is way out and the shot hits one of his friends in the left hind leg. The stallion, a guy with green fur and a white mane, falls on the floor, grabbing his injured hind leg and screaming, panicked, like a sea-serpent without a moustache. He’s out for at least five minutes, and now I take down the guy with the gun. I take the gun and punch his neck to make sure. I know where to hit to not break his neck. That's something I learn by accident, by the way.

Now, I could be taking the advantage of being armoured, but Mare-do-well doesn’t play with guns. I prefer to bring living ponies to the stand, not dead ponies to the morgue.

Besides, I’m a terrible shot. I put the gun in my belt, looking at the wounded stallion. He’s in shock and is bleeding quite badly. Not lethal, but he needs help quick. None of his friends volunteer, though. That leaves me, but I doubt his friends will let me take care of his wound. At least I don’t think they will. The shot and the sight of blood has triggered the others to go bananas. They grab any type of weapon they can get. A chair, a flower pot and a crowbar. No slick moves, no elegance. They want blood. This will be a fight until the last pony stands.

Well, three against one is pretty bad odds, I need to take one down quick, or this won’t end up good. I reach into my belt, picking up a bola. Most ponies have never seen one, and they totally think I am playing with three balls on a string. But it is a extremely effective weapon to put a pony out of pugnacious condition. Now, who to deal with first. The guy with the chair is probably the most hotheaded of them all. I decide to test my theory, and briefly turn my back to him. Why? Because I don't think he will stand against the temptation of catching me off guard.
I’m right. I can hear him roaring, and he obviously charges against me. I spin and throw the bola at the same time. It spins around his hooves, and he falls like a rotten redwood. I use karate on his neck to make sure he’ll be out of the fight.

Two left.

Mare-do-well flew over Ponyville. She tried to take in the whole city without dropping her focus on the signal. You could never know when something important came into view. Not much to see, though. Ponies walking in the streets, parks or in and out of buildings. A white van parked in an alley. Garbage cans. Four poor boys busking in a corner. Probably nothing. And yet…

I think I recognize that van... but from where? ...Oh no. Oh no. NO! It's just a van. Just the same kind of off-white, old van. Just a coincidence.

But probably not.

Well, at least she had no problem following the signal. The beam could be seen all over Ponyville, and in the corner of her eye, Mare-do-well could see the obligatory filly with her parents, pointing at her. She didn’t have to hear her to know what she said.

“Look, Mum! It’s Mare-do-well!” The kids loved Mare-do-well. If this superhero business ever went off, she could always do children’s parties.

She found the source of the signal. And even without it, the scene of drama was easily identified since a large crowd was standing outside the first Equestrian Bank. A barrier separated the curious from the police. Four regular police cars and two hummers were placed as a shield, and at least 20 policeponies taking cover, were ready to shoot. The glass façade of the bank ominously reflected the red and blue lights from the police cars. There was a lot of noise coming from the crowd, but suddenly, they were silent and heads turned to the mayor’s office, which lay across the street from the bank. The office had a small clock tower, and from that clock tower, a flagpole stood in a 47 degrees angle. Mare-do-well had landed on the flagpole and the spotlight shining on the flag lit her up perfectly. She struck a majestic pose, wings out, head up and cape floating in the wind. She waited for her cue, and it came.

"It's Mare-do-well!"

"Hooray!"

"Go, Mare-do-well, take down those bastards!"

The crowd was cheering. Now, if this had been Rainbow Dash, she would have bowed to her audience, screamed, "Thank you! Thank you! Louder, I can't hear you!" and instigated the masses to more screaming.

But this was Mare-do-well. Cold, controlled and emotionless Mare-do-well. She did not do this for applause, she did it for the protection and welfare of Ponyville. She just nodded briefly, then she dove headfirst, into the scene of action, all to the cheers of the masses.

Next to one of the Hummers stood Mayor Mare and Commissioner First Watch. As she landed, they both nodded to Mare-do-well. Words made no difference anyway. Ironically, the first one to speak was the silent superhero. “So, what do you got for me?”

The Commissioner was the one who answered.
“Some lunatic went in to the bank around five today and took the staff and a big number of customers hostage. We don’t know who, except that it’s some big shot. The regular street scum won’t take something this big,” He fell silent for a second. “And nopony sane would just take hostage and then do nothing…”

Mare-do-well blinked, the only sign of her listening. “Any shooting?”

The commissioner shook his head. “None. I don’t want to risk the lives of the hostages, or any of my ponies when we’re dealing with those mask… this type of unpredictable criminal." He fell silent, waiting for a reaction. Nothing. "We...we tried to communicate with them, but we got no answer. The only thing we can do is to wait. Or…”

Mare-do-Well finished his sentence. “Bring a dark horse into the race. Alright, Commissioner, I’m going in.”

“Just a second,” said the mayor, grabbing Mare-do-well’s arm. “I know you’re not a foal, but…do you have any idea who we’re facing?”

Mare-do-well froze. She faced the mayor and closed her eyes. When she opened them again and answered, her voice was even cooler than usual. “I have a pretty good guess who we’re up against, yeah.”

For probably the hundredth time, Mayor Mare wished she could see the face of the pony beneath the mask to know what she was thinking.

As the two remaining stallions approach me with their weapons, something hits me. Where the hay is the pony behind all this? She usually stands in the center of everything, but in these five minutes, I haven’t seen her at all. I will be totally honest with you here. She is, and will always be, a total psycho, and the fact that I haven’t seen her at all worries me. It worries me so much that I lose focus for a moment, giving one of my attackers the chance to hit me in the head with the flower pot. I don’t see him until he’s right next to me and the pot going down. I am really lucky today, however. Though the pot is big, it’s pretty fragile, and the only thing the small pain actually does is helping me gain focus. The guy apparently expected me to be out by that blow. He’s not prepared for any counterattack at all, and I can easily take him down.

But the last guy is a bit more intelligent than his comrades. At least some stallion who can observe and learn from his environment. He doesn’t attack, he circles around me, waiting for me to give him an opening. The crowbar is an underestimated weapon. It’s light, but still has a great impact. It has sharp edges, and can be used as either a blunt object or a sharp stick. It’s time to use that speed my alter ego brags about all the time. Sure, I can just kick his stomach, but he looks pretty muscular, and I am not giving fan-service. This fight ends now. I charge at him, my right front hoof drawn back as to strike. He lifts the crowbar, aiming for my arm. I spin around, and dive face first to the floor. I straighten my body out, then push off with my legs as much as possible. I learned this move from watching Applejack during harvest. She doesn't have to take her trees by surprice though, so I can only use it in a fight like this. The guy is right behind me when I hit him. I actually send him flying across the room and into the opposite wall. I think I might have hit him in his groin, because he rolls his eyes before he collapses on the floor. No pleasing the mares for him in a while, then.

Time to alert the cavalry. I have a flare gun for these moment, and I fire. I could try to cuff some of the stallions, but my main objective is the hostages. And the main bad guy. Or girl, rather. Where is she? I fly up to the roof to examine the net. It isn’t tied up to the roof by a rope, it’s hanging in a chain. Strange. And there is something else, there is no hook. The chain is hanging from a hole in the roof. Like there is something behind the wood.

Now the cops are entering the bank, and clearing the area. Everything is floating, working pretty neatly. This isn’t good, it means something really shitty is about to happen.

And then, it does. A series of explosions, not in this room, but in the building. Everypony freezes, including myself. And then, a high-pitched voice calls out. One I have been waiting for the whole time.

"Bravo! Bravo, oh, brave and bold Mare-do-well! It was quite a show you put on there. Impressive.”

I freeze. I was hoping, even praying to Celestia that the signs were wrong, that it was just some ordinary criminal, or at least somepony pretending. But no. I was right, and the pony behind me is the last one I want to meet. A purple bodysuit, and a mask that looks like a yellow smiley. No visible eyes, mouth or mane. She’s standing on the balcony of the second floor, hands in front of her doing a ironical applause.

“But now this is over. This game is mine."

The mayor waited for a continuation that never came.
“But if you know, then…”

Mare-do-well shrugged her shoulders, apparently uncomfortable with the touch and the situation.

“Why don't I tell you who's behind this? ...I’m not totally sure. I actually hope that I’m wrong. But if I’m right… In five minutes, you will know. Trust me, it will show.”

“Mare-do-well…take care!”

Mare-do-well just stands there, for a moment. The mayor thinks she hears a low sigh, but it’s probably just her imagination.

“I give you a sign when it’s clear to move in with your force.”

When Mare-do-well is out of hearing, The mayor turns to the commissioner.
“You were going to say “masked freaks”, weren’t you?”

The commissioner turns away his eyes. “Well...yeah.” Then he added, with a blush on his face, “In some way...she is the same as them, you know? Not showing her face, just showing up out of nowhere… Taking the law in her own hooves and hands... “

“And we need her.”

The commissioner sighs.“That’s the worst part… Celestia knows we do.”

In the silence that follows, the mayor and the commissioner share the same thoughts.
Why. Why is she doing this. Why put yourself in constant danger? And who is Mare-do-well?

Those are questions only Mare-do-well knows the answer to. But three ponies know her real identity. Rarity knows. She made the costume, she enchanted it to make it a bit more rugged than ordinary fabric, and she also enchanted the hat, so that it always stays in place. Princess Twilight knows, she’s the one who created Mare-do-well. Both the first one and this one. Not many ponies know that the Princess of Friendship moonlights as a crazy scientist, and Mare-do-well was created in a failed attempts to make a cold medicine. After a week of extremely high fever, the cold was indeed gone, but Rainbow Dash found herself having the triple strength of a normal earth pony and the healing process of a Timberwolf. And lastly, Fluttershy knows. You don’t keep that kind of secret from your marefriend.

The commissioner and the mayor was on their hooves since she left. They heard the commotion, and the gunshot. The silence that followed didn’t exactly calm them down. Their heartbeats were fast, and they kept staring at the building, as if they were waiting for it to start talking or something. Then, a brief light from a signal gun was seen.

“That’s the signal, ponies! She made it! We’re moving in!”

The mayor stayed behind. And then, an explosion was heard. And that explosion was followed by another, and another. 23 windows in the building was blown out, and the flaming windows created an image the mayor seen before, and had learned to fear.

A smug smiley face.

“Smiler.” I make my voice totally emotionless. I will not give her the satisfaction of me being surpriced.

“Ah, you remember me, how nice! We-ell, Mare-you-smell, I would love to stay here and chat, but you see, I have a bag full of cash that needs to be relocated. And since you took down all of my henchponies and need to play the good mare and take care of the hostage, I believe you have your hooves full, so see you later!”

“NOT SO FAST!” This mare fights without any kind of plan or logic. There is only one thing that works: be one step ahead of every possible move she might make. But unfortunately, I have no idea what she might do now. I can only improvise, and hope she’s up for a chat.

The smiler turns around.
“What do you mean? Am I talking too fast for you? Or are you already bored?”-she gasps-”Are you too fancy to do actual work? Do you leave the boring stuff, handcuffing my henchponies, to the police? Very well then, let’s give you something interesting to do!”

She produces a small transmitter from a pocket. It has one yellow button.
“I know what you’re thinking. Why a yellow button? Why not a red one? Oh, please, red buttons are SO cliché! This button goes to a receiver, connected to a small set of dynamite placed on the chain. When it goes off, the whole bag of hostage will fall to the ground. But that’s not all! Now, there is also this small green button! If I press that one…”

The crates open. I can see how three sharp metal poles shoots out from them. Not the whole bag will be impaled, but almost. Really sick. Indeed a plan worthy the Smiler. She continues. “Now, everypony won’t be killed, but… Well, at least 25 should be ex-ponies after this. And the rest will probably end up in the hospital. So, what do you choose, little pony? The big bad mare or the lives of the innocent?”

“Really nice plan you have, Smiler.” I move towards her, and stops some meters from her, hoovering. I’m going for the transmitter, I don’t think I have another choice. “There is only one sick brain in Ponyville that could come up with that. “

Here we are, two masked ponies. One in the air, on on a roof. Neither of can see the others face, but I bet my wings she’s smiling her plot of.

“Ah, you’re thinking ‘Insult her, piss her off, keep her talking so she won’t push the button.’ That’s a pretty good tactic, but you’re dealing with ME, not some lame dude like Minor Taur or Low Key. Bad news for you, Mare-go-to-hell! I pushed the yellow button before I even started talking to you. The timer has already started. You have five seconds to catch them. Ta ta!”

The explosion shakes the whole building, and pieces of wood and plastic rains over the net. The next thing I know, the net is falling towards the pikes. The hostage is screaming, the police are screaming and I want to scream, but I can't afford that luxury. I only have seconds to decide what to do. Grab the chain, try to lift the net? Fly under, try to catch it from beneath, with the possibility to be crushed and spiked on a pole. Crash into it from the side, hoping to shove it to the left?
My body thinks faster than my brain, because suddenly I'm in the air again, grabbing the chain with both hands and pumping my wings trying to lift it. My strenght is in my arms and hooves, not my wings though, and I only slow the net down, not preventing it from falling. The screams are louder, heck, even I am screaming now... until I am caught by the surprised feeling having the net bouncing back towards me, pressing me against the roof and then hitting the floor.

What the buck just happened?

Well, ponies are hurt, there are some broken bones and concussions probably, but everypony is alive. I am a bit shaken, but that's all. I fly down, and tear up the net. Some officers come to my help, and soon, the hostages are free and safe. Medics are called in. I feel relieved, but mostly confused and pretty pissed off. The commissioner walks up to me, he apparently came in just before the Smiler appeared. We go and check the crates. I kick one of the peaks. It's not hard, and doesn't make a "clang". It bounces, and sounds more "fomp". The commissioners jaw is down at his belt.

"They're made of rubber," I say between my teeth. I kick the nearest crate, and it cracks with ease. Plastic. I turn on my heel and run to the door. The commissioner is screaming. "Where are you going?"

I don't answer. There is no way I can put into words what I am about to do without use words that kids don’t need to know before they are seventeen.

I am going to get that mare, and I'm going to make her pay. A small part of me, my pride, is hurt that I fell for that, but mostly because... you don't play with ponies that way. You don't prank ponies like this.

I take the sky, see if I can find her. Those clothes aren't that hard to spot 75 m up in the air. She might take them off, of course, blend in with the crowd, but probably not. These type of criminals want the attention, they even crave it! However, carrying that bag on your back will slow her down. I'd say she'd take the rooftops. I tune out the rest of the world, and focus. There! Something moving in the distance! I take the distance in three flaps. I was right, it's her. She turns her head around. The mask makes it impossible for me to see if she's seen me, but I can't really lean onto the element of surprise now. I increase my speed, only to see her jump over a edge and disappear. When I follow, all I see is an empty rooftop. Four ventilation shafts, a small house containing a staircase, a couple of antennas. But no pony. But she has to be here! The roof is like a small courtyard, walls on all sides. Theres not even a staircase.

I land. I strike the standard superhero pose. It's a cliché, but we all use it cause it works. Wide stance on your hooves, ready to move swiftly. Hands up, fist clenched, ready for a fight. Every sense is sharpened.

And yet, she surprises me. I don't hear her until she's next to me, I twist, but her hoove hit me in the side. She follows up with a quick left, which hits my shoulder. I kick her in the stomach. It sends her back some meters, but it doesn't stop her. She climbs up on a wall, then throws herself at me, hooves first. I catch her legs, and swings her into one of the antennas. However, she grabs it with her hand, and swings back on her legs.

"So, made-of-jelly," she says, "You want to play some more? I don't think your mom wants you to be out this late."

"I have better things to do than to play with you," I reply, as drily as possibly. She charges at me, only to make a jump the last second. She kicks me in the face. I stumble backwards, and she follows up with a quick left, which makes me fall over.

"And yet," she replies smugly, "You come back, night after night." She walks up next to me, placing her hoof on my chest and pushes. "I think you like getting your plot kicked."

I tense my wings as much as I can and thrust myself up. I throw myself around her waist, hoping to make her fall. I succeed, she falls over, with me over her. I'm striding her, and hold her shoulders down.

"I prefer to be on top.” I hate to give in, but that line… something just need to be said, y’know? “And I prefer to have you bolted up and locked in”

“Ooohh...kinky… but I’m not that type of girl. You at least have to buy me dinner.”

She kicks me in the back of my head with her hoof. How did she… That made me dizzy, and she follows up with a blow with both her hand at my chest. I roll of her, and she kicks my stomach again.

“It’s too bad we have to see each other like this. You’re coming to get me, I’m kicking your plot… This will not end prettily. Ah, well, see you later.”

The Smiler makes a run for the staircase and disappears. She forgot the loot though. Well, I COULD just take the money, bring it back and call it a day.

But I’m still pissed off.

She thinks she’s fooled me, but there’s one thing she doesn’t know that I know. She has a truck parked on a side street. It’s anonymous and off-white, but I know it’s hers. I happened to see it on my way to the bank. I take my wings again, she will be even more sneaky this time, but I won't have to. I can take the fastest route. And there she is, preparing to get into the driver’s seat. I want this to be quick. I’m on her back, my fists ready. How she could have heard me I don’t know, but she instantly turns around, punching me in the face. She isn’t that strong, but she took me by surprise.

“Not had enough, huh? That’s the problem with you good guys. You. Never. Know. When. To. Give- UP!” She repeatedly hits my face and chest. She makes a wrestling jump and lands on my chest with her plot.

“UNGH!”

“You’re tough, I admit that, Mare-do-well. But this ends now.”

She punches my face again. And again. I’m starting to feel dizzy, but I am not going to let her get away. My head shoots up, hitting her on the chin. She’s not prepared for that, and I jump up, throwing her into the gutter. But she’s up quick, and she gets ready to fight. We throw some punches at each other, and she’s surprisingly good. She gets some hits, but this is my element, and I push her into a corner. Even if I can’t see her face, I can smell desperation. A bit too desperate, I guess. She produces a gun. I freeze. That’s the gun I took from the henchpony. I feel my belt. Nothing there.

“Yeah, yeah, I fight ugly, blah blah blah. Who cares, I have a gun. Bang bang. Prepare to…”

I’m desperate. Nothing else can explain why I do it. I charge at her, do a somersault, and land with my hooves in her midsection. A shot goes off, barely missing me. But I hit and send her into the alley. She trips over some garbage bags and disappears. Hmm… that was surprising. I walk over, only to see a slope hidden behind the garbage. It’s an entrance to an underground garage, and she fell over the edge, three meters straight down. I see the purple shape lying there, very still and covered in old papers. I have her now. She’s bleeding, and her left leg seem to be broken. There is no way she can escape. So why does this make me feel so...sad? She tries to move. She's not unconsious, at least.

“Please, Mare-do-well, don’t hurt me! I-I-I….can’t walk. Please, don’t hurt me. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Sorry. Yeah, I bet she’s sorry. But it’s not going to help her now. I produce my handcuffs again and walk towards her. Not slowly, like in the movies. I want this over so I can go home and watch TV.

“I’m so sorry… I have to end this so quickly!” She produces another gun, but this is not a shotgun. It’s a glue gun. It’s impossible for me to escape, I am too close to her, and a huge blob of sticky substance hits me in the chest. Another shot to my feet, and I fall over. A third shot, and I am stuck to the ground, unable to move. I know I will get out of this eventually… but it will take some time. Too much time. I’ve lost.

As I lie there, totally humiliated, she leans over me. How she survived that fall, I will never understand. But that’s the way she is. Soft. She takes off her mask, revealing the pink mane, the yellow fur, and the blue-green eyes. Her crazy smile is gone and, for a moment, she’s not the Smiler, she’s just my own beloved Fluttershy. She removes my mask just over my mouth and gives me a kiss. Her lips taste like cherries.

“I’ll have dinner ready when you come home. Love you!”

I try to speak, but it’s hard.

“You know… we need to stop this,” I cough. “One day, I have to bring you in…or you’re going to get killed.”

She keeps smiling, that warm and shy smile I love.

“You will never bring me in. You like this too much to stop. It’s as much you as it’s me.” She whispers in my ear, “I know you like it rough… And besides, you have a reputation to protect. you’ll never admit anypony to be better than you… And as long as the Smiler is there to kick your plot you will come back... Mare-do-well.” She gives me a last kiss. This one I can feel in my left pocket.

She puts the mask back on, jumps into the car, and drives away. It takes me four minutes to break away from the glue. Then I take the stash and return to the bank. Part of me is angry. I did not become Mare-do-well as some kind of sick, kinky roleplaying game with my marefriend. On the other hoof, I am not going to stop being Mare-do-well because of some sick, kinky and quite sexy roleplaying game with my marefriend. There are other criminals in this town that need to be taken down anyway. And even though I hate to admit it, she keeps me on my toes all the time.

I don’t know how long I’ll keep doing this. But I know one thing: in the end, when they talk about me, they will say, “Mare-Do-Well took down Low-Key, Dr. Squid, Bulk, Baine, and Megavolt, but she never put the Smiler in jail.”

And to be honest, she didn’t want to, either. Never.