A Day in the Life of a Madmare
My name is Storm. I'm a white pegasus and my mane matches my eyes. That's really all I can tell you about myself, other than the obvious fact that I'm a filthy liar. Don't worry, I'm telling you the truth right now. At least, I think I am. You see, unlike most dishonest ponies, I try my best to tell the truth to others. I can't stand outwardly lying. The one I lie to is myself. Or maybe I'm lying to you as well. I don't know. Like I said, I lie.
Or maybe I don't lie to myself. Maybe I'm just crazy. I think I am crazy, to some extent. Or maybe I'm not. Maybe that's a lie, too. I can never tell. Is being unsure of your mental state a form of insanity? I think it must be. Or maybe it isn't.
It happened gradually, becoming like this. It was kind of like standing in a sunny field, then looking up and realizing that a thick fog has settled. Long story short, I guess that one day, I just looked in the mirror and wondered what I thought of myself. Then I realized that I didn't know. After that, I began to notice that I couldn't provide an explanation for anything I did. I realized that I didn't know the truth. I did the most terrible things and didn't know if I was sorry or not. Then, before I knew it, it was here and now, and I'd lost my mind. At least, I think I've lost my mind.
Anyway, I'm just waking up now. The sun's barely up, and I'm exhausted, but there's a thunderstorm scheduled. I'd probably be well-rested, but I stayed up late telling myself that I wasn't tired. I'm on a cloud, because I was outside when it finally dawned on me that I needed to sleep. Here comes Sassaflash. She's the other storm pony. She's also really cute. I think I might be into mares. But I'm probably not. It's probably just a lie. Oh well. I like this lie.
I'm moving the clouds now. I can see Twinkleshine from up here. I could recognize that obnoxiously perfect pink mane from a mile away. The arrogant jerk is at her telescope right now. Nopony else is up yet, and Sassaflash is on the other side of Ponyville. Nopony would see if I fired a lightning bolt at Twinkleshine right now. I can almost see her bloodied, boiling flesh in the eyes of my mind, bubbling and blackening as it melts away into something unrecognizable. I wonder if she'd have a magic surge out of panic. Or would she be killed instantly? I wonder if she would scream as she died. Don't worry, though. It's only a game. I'm not going to kill anypony. At least, I think it's a game. Whenever I see Twinkleshine, I imagine what it would be like to kill her. To be honest, it scares me a little bit sometimes. But don't worry, I'm a good pony. I'd never actually do it. At least, I don't think so. It's only a fantasy. Maybe it's not even a fantasy. Maybe I don't hate Twinkleshine at all. I am a liar, after all.
Now that I think about it, Twinkleshine's mane is really nice. I'd actually like to cover it in sugar paste and then nibble it clean. No, actually, I wouldn't. I hate Twinkleshine. And besides, curly manes don't turn me on. I think they do, but I know it's probably a lie. Just like me being into mares is a lie. I wish it was the truth, though. Mares are nice. Especially Sassaflash. Fluttershy isn't bad, either. She has a nice mane. Or maybe I think her mane is hideous. I can't tell. Maybe I'm lying about not being able to tell. Do I like Fluttershy or Sassaflash? I probably don't like either of them. Too bad. They're really pretty. Or maybe they're not.
I'm finally finished. Ponyville's sky is covered by a blanket of grey. One well-placed kick, and the thunder and rain has begun. I think I like it up here, above the storm clouds. I'm keeping my eyes closed so I can hear the sounds of the storm. The gentle pitter-patter of rain, the constant sound of thunder. It's all so relaxing.
I wonder what it would be like to be hit by lightning.
Where did that come from? My eyes are open now, and I'm staring down at the clouds. I can see the bright, dazzling flashes of my lightning through the damp grey mist. Don't worry. That first thought was a lie. I don't really want to be hit by lightning. Like murder, suicide has flashed through my thoughts now and then. I'd never really go through with either of them.
If I die, I won't kill Twinkleshine.
Don't panic, that was a lie, too. I don't want to kill Twinkleshine. But then again, I might. Maybe I just haven't snapped enough yet.
If I die, my parents won't find out that I like mares.
Don't worry. That's a lie. I don't like mares. Not romantically, anyway. Or do I? This is silly. All these things I'm telling myself are lies.
How can I know for sure?
Suddenly, with more clarity than I've had in months, I form the answer.
I can't.
Clarity
So far from here
Clarity
No longer seen
Clarity
Replaced with fear
Clarity
Some broken dream
Clarity
Nevermore dear
Clarity
Please hear my scream
Clarity
