What Fun Is There In Making Sense?
Foreword
This isn't necessary to read. Dive straight into the fic if you want, but if you want to comment or give criticism, please read this.
I'm not really one for beating around the bush. This is my first fanfic, and basically the first thought-out story I've really ever written. I don't even really consider myself a writer. This is just something I thought I'd do while I have time on my hands. I don't want to change any canon or create any fanon, I just want to portray a fun “What if” scenario that came to me one day. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. You're free to dislike this, but please at least say why. As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect”. I don't want to be perfect, or even believe I can be perfect, I just want to give creative writing a try.
Chapter 1
Discord was perched upon his tall, antlered throne in Ponyville's town square. The sheer unabashed chaos he had spread was jarring; between the homes atop floating land masses, giant card houses, Dali-esque rabbits, and raining chocolate milk, one could hardly tell they were still in Equestria, let alone Ponyville. Interrupted from his joy of reigning chaos on the town, he gazed at six pastel ponies in front of him. More specifically, these six ponies were the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Despite Discord's magic splitting them apart, they had managed to reunite and reconnect with the Elements to defeat Discord once again.
“I'll tell you what we've learned, Discord.” Twilight Sparkle declared, “We've learned that friendship isn't always easy, but there's no doubt it's worth fighting for.” Her friends gathered close to her, bearing fierce expressions.
“Ugh, gag.” Discord said, rolling his eyes, with a toothy grin on his face, “Fine, go ahead, try and use your little Elements, 'frenemies'. Just make it quick.”
Twilight Sparkle raised her head. “Alright ladies, let's show him what friendship can do!”
After a short pause to allow Pinkie Pie to sufficiently quench her thirst for chocolate milk, the girls sprang into action. They lowered their heads in concentration, and a thin, indeterminate cloud of magical power formed around them. Without warning, their necklaces shone bright and shot brilliant beams of light from the jewels in the center. Discord's smile faded to a grimace as he realized the power present before him. The six ponies rose into the air and a gigantic rainbow rose into the air and struck where Discord stood.
Twilight was proud of this moment; she had personally saved her five friends from Discord's clutches. She counted this victory as her own. As proud as she was, she was curious. What would happen to Discord? Would he be sealed in stone again? Would his evil be purged, like it did with Princess Luna? When the dust had subsided and they had returned to solid ground, all of these questions had been left unanswered. Ponyville was back to normal, Discord's throne was empty, but Discord himself was gone. She was puzzled. She looked to her friends, who seemed to share her confusion.
“Did... did we win?” she asked them.
A familiar voice boomed behind them, “I'm afraid not, my dear Twilight.” Discord materialized with a puff of smoke and a thrilled grin. His arms were by his sides and his eyebrows curved into a victorious and pitiful leer.
The ponies froze. Fluttershy's panicked eyes widened and her wings locked to her side. Rainbow Dash and Applejack bore angry expressions at the giggling draconequus. Pinkie's eyes wandered to the sky, yearning for more chocolate rain. Rarity stepped back, looking a bit scared but remaining resolute. Twilight's eyes were wide and her pupils small. Her mouth hung wide open.
“WHAT!?” the purple unicorn shouted, “But... The Elements... How could they have failed?” Her expression quickly faded to hopelessness.
Discord chuckled for a moment. “In the mere hours that I have been free to do as I please, I have learned much about the chaos that I control. Specifically, I have learned that it's not so simple as you believe it to be. While you six do wield the Elements of Harmony, you hardly represent them. Even in you, chaos and disharmony exists. Pinkie Pie seems to embody it almost as well as myself.”
The pink party pony ceased concentrating on the sky and snapped to attention. “Huh?”
“Pinkie!” Rarity snapped, “Pay attention! This is serious!”
“Oops! Sorry, Rarity.” Pinkie giggled aloud.
“As I was saying,” Discord piped in, “There's always chaos. You're just going to have to live with me, little ponies.” He gave a wide smile.
“No way!” an enraged Rainbow Dash spoke up. She flew closer and pointed a hoof at the confident draconequus. “There's no way I'm gonna let you go crazy all over Equestria! We're gonna stop you no matter what!”
“Oh no, whatever shall I do?” Discord sarcastically waved his arms. “Nice try, but your Elements have already failed twice. You girls cannot stop me, so I am free to do as I wish. Simple as that. In the meantime, I'll have to get to work on deciding just what to do to this drab old town!”
Rainbow Dash, furious at the thought of helplessness, flapped her wings hard. She zipped around Discord and doubled back, her rear hoof forward, ready to deliver a powerful flying kick. Suddenly, her tail was wrenched backward and she almost tumbled to the ground. She turned backward, expecting some sort of draconequus spell, but instead saw Applejack tugging on her tail with her mouth.
“Applejack!?” the blue pegasus shouted, “What're you doing? I was gonna totally bash him!”
“We don't need no confrontation right now,” Applejack spoke with an air of leadership through her country accent. “Besides,” she almost whispered, “Discord's pretty happy right now. If we go an' make him angry, he could fling some o' his magic around and make Ponyville all crazy again. Or worse,” she gulped, “he could hurt somepony.”
“But...” Rainbow Dash objected.
Applejack glowered at the pegasus. “Don't you dare.”
Discord turned to face them, still smiling. “Why thank you, Applejack. If I were kicked in the face, why, I don't know what I might've done. You know, I have quite a temper.”
The orange pony stood silent and resolute.
“Well, as they say, no good deed goes unpunished.” Discord descended to the ground and paced around Rainbow Dash and Applejack, “As a, erm... reward, I will postpone my inevitable reign of chaos until tomorrow, at exactly 12:17 and fourty-six and one-fifth seconds. In the meantime, I shall think of new disharmony to spread, and you six,” he gestured toward them, “will sit and stew and cower until then!” He let out a chuckle. “Until then, ta-ta!”
He snapped his talons, and diappeared in a puff of smoke. Simultaneously, dozens of scrolls rained from the sky all over the town square. Printed upon each one was the same headline in a large, bold font:
Extraordinarily Handsome Draconequus Outwits Elements of Harmony, Commands Rule Over Equestria
The Most Exquisite Lord Discord shall announce further news at 12:17:46.2 sharp tomorrow. In the meantime, all ponies are urged to panic as loudly and mindlessly as possible.
Twilight was still shocked. “But... it just doesn't make sense...”
Discord materialized in front of her, shouted “Exactly!” and disappeared again, laughing all the while.
The next morning, the town awakened as though it were any other day, save for the abundance of scrolls throughout the town square. Word of these scrolls and of Discord's alleged victory spread like wildfire through Ponyville. Being a market day, most ponies had the day off, so just about the entire poplation of the town turned up at the town square by noon. Among the only ponies missing were Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle.
Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity had already met. For the most part, each of them had slept well despite the circumstances.
The familiar bell in the town hall rang out a dozen times. “Where're Twilight and Fluttershy?” Applejack spoke up, “I haven't seen them around.”
“Why are we even here?” Rainbow Dash said, annoyed, “We should be out there kicking butt and saving Equestria!” She stood on her hind legs and jabbed the air with her front hooves.
Applejack responded, “Ah know you wanna get some action, but we can't right now. We need a plan, but before that we need ta know what Discord's up to.”
“Besides,” Rarity assumed an air of nobility in her tone of voice, “if there's one thing nopony wants to do, it's offend a being with a great deal of political power, not to mention magical power. There's just no telling what that Discord might do.”
“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie was characteristically hopping up and down, “Plus, maybe Discord's news will be party worthy!” She deftly pulled a noisemaker from her saddlebag and blew it in her mouth.
Rarity was the first to note the oddity of Pinkie's saddlebags. “Pinkie, did you pack your saddlebags entirely full with party supplies?” She said incredulously.
“Of course! You've always gotta be ready for a party!” the perky pink party pony beamed.
The other three smiled and rolled their eyes. That's Pinkie Pie for you.
Applejack took charge, “Anyway, we should go get Fluttershy and Twilight before Discord shows up.”
“Fluttershy's cottage is pretty far from here...” Rainbow Dash thought aloud, “Hey Applejack, betcha can't get there before me!”
The orange pony smiled. She wasn't afraid of a little friendly competition. “Well if it's a race you want, it's a race you'll get!” She turned back for a moment. “Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you two go get Twilight and meet back here in twenty minutes.”
“Got it, chief!” Pinkie Pie saluted her earth pony pal with a grin.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash rushed off toward Fluttershy, while Rarity trotted to Twilight's library alongside Pinkie Pie's rhythmic hopping.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash, being among the more athletic ponies in Ponyville, were able to keep pace and reach Fluttershy's cottage with time to spare.
“Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash called out, “Where are you?”
After a moment, the cottage door swung open, revealing the quiet yellow pegasus. She was smiling cheerfully at her friends, and her little bunny Angel was sitting atop her head. “Oh, hello girls. What brings you to my cottage?”
“Don't ya remember the news?” Applejack answered, “Discord's gonna be announcin' somethin' big out in the town square in a few minutes.”
Fluttershy's smile dropped. “Oh, um, I'd rather not go.”
Rainbow Dash laughed, “You can't just not go! This is Discord we're talking about! All six of us need to be there in case he tries to pull something funny.”
Fluttershy stammered, “But... it's just that... oh, I don't know if I can...” She curled into a scared little ball in her doorway.
Angel rolled his eyes and lightly stomped his feet on her head, then whispered something into her ear.
Fluttershy replied, “Oh, are you sure?”
Angel nodded his head.
“Well, alright then. If you say so.” She stood upright. “Girls, would you come inside? I've got some tea boiling, if you'd like it.”
They entered and took a seat. Applejack cut right to the chase. “So, Fluttershy, what's eatin' you?” she said as comfortingly as she could manage.
Fluttershy was slow to respond. “It's just... do you remember when Discord...” she paused, “...changed our personalities?”
“Of course!” Rainbow Dash answered, “Applejack started lying like crazy, and you were all mean to everypony!”
Fluttershy let out a whimper and shut her eyes.
Applejack whispered angrily at Rainbow Dash, “Rainbow! Don't say that! Yer makin' Fluttershy feel bad!”
Rainbow Dash was quick to rectify, “Don't worry, Fluttershy, we all know that was just Discord tricking us. We're too clever for him now! There's no way any of us will get tricked like that again.”
Fluttershy looked up at her friends smiling back at her. She breathed deeply and smiled back. “Okay, let's go.”
The three ponies trotted off together toward the town square. At just about the same time, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were arriving at the library. Pinkie Pie inhaled deeply to blow into her noisemaker, but Rarity stopped her.
“Quiet, Pinkie!” Rarity spoke, “The lights are out in the library. Someone might be sleeping inside.” She gave three light, but firm knocks on the front door.
Spike answered. He blushed a little. “Oh, hi Rarity... and Pinkie Pie.”
“Hello there, Spike.” Rarity maintained her noble composure. “We were just wondering if, in anticipation of the important news today...”
Pinkie Pie cut in excitedly, “Is Twilight home?”
“Asleep?” Rarity asked incredulously, “It's almost noon!”
Spike tried to explain, “Yeah, I know, but she was up all night studying. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen.”
“It's quite alright, Spike. We know how focused Twilight is on her studies.” Rarity replied with grace.
Pinkie Pie was not so graceful in her speech. “What in the hay could Twilight be studying all night long?”
Before Spike had the chance to reply, Pinkie darted past him and saw Twilight sprawled on the floor, surrounded in various books and scrolls. She was sound asleep with her head in a book. It was a particularly large, particularly heavy, particularly dusty tome, almost the size of Twilight herself and easily as heavy.
Rarity levitated the book before her and read the title. “History of the Draconequus.”
Pinkie Pie picked up another book. “The Historical and Philosophical Implications of a Chaotic Society.”
Rarity lifted a large, old scroll bound in fine, velvet ribbon. She unrolled it carefully and examined the title. “On Law and Chaos, written by... some old professor at Canterlot University.”
The shifting of the makeshift bed awakened the sleeping unicorn. She slowly opened her eyes and groggily rose to her feet.
“Oh, hello there girls.” Twilight spoke, “What brings you two here so early?”
“Early? It's almost noon!” Rarity spoke with urgency in her voice.
Twilight Sparkle's baggy eyes shot open. “Noon!? Oh shoot, I'm already behind!” She began rifling through the books spread across the floor.
“Now dear, we know you are intent on your studies, but you simply must come out to hear the big news!” Rarity spoke insistently, “I cannot simply allow you to miss this. This is Discord we're talking about! We need to be there to protect the town should he try to wreak more havoc.” She stepped a little closer and lowered her voice to a whisper, “The Elements of Harmony couldn't defeat Discord directly, but they at least dispelled the chaos that was going on in Ponyville. And the Elements can hardly be present without you.” She smiled encouragingly at her fellow unicorn.
Twilight tried to meet Rarity's supportive gaze, but found she could not. “I'm sorry, Rarity, but I need to study. If we're ever going to stand a chance against Discord in a real fight, we need to find his weakness. And the only way to do that is to find out as much about Discord and about the power of chaos as we can. There's no time to lose.”
Rarity's smile faded slowly. “Are you sure?”
Twilight nodded. “Positive.”
Rarity sighed aloud, “Well, I guess we'd better be going.” She turned to Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie, come on. We're leaving.”
She and Spike were munching away at some of her food-based party supplies. Upon hearing Rarity, she nodded and hopped toward the door. Rarity followed her, and, with one glance back at her studying friend, quietly exited the library.
For a moment, it seemed as though nothing was happening. Suddenly, the ground shook violently and a perfectly rectangular stage of stone rose from the ground before the amassed crowd. Two white unicorns adorned in royal guard's armor appeared on either side of the raised stone with a puff of smoke. They each levitated a harmonica to their mouths and blew. A familiar trumpeting noise echoed through the town square. A moment later, Discord appeared on the raised platform with a magnificent display of sparkles and fireworks.
“Hello, Ponyvillians!” Discord announced with a smile, “I'm so glad you could all be here today. I've been thinking it over, and I'm going to try something fun.”
The crowd was dead silent. He cleared his throat. “Earth ponies! For thousands of years, you have been confined to working the ground. The sky, a vast realm of freedom, has always been so close, yet so far away. Thus, I bring you a gift. Earth ponies, you shall receive wings.”
Almost instantly, the crowd erupted. He quieted the crowd. “Now hush, I'm not done.” He cleared his throat again. “Pegasi! You have explored the ground and the sky, and made control of the clouds your own. However, you know not of the mystical, wonderful world beyond. You know nothing of the realm of magic. Thus, I bring you this gift. Pegasi, at the cost of your wings, you shall receive horns.”
Again, the crowd exploded with a mixture of surprise and anger. Discord became irked by this interruption. “Let me finish!” He shouted. The Ponyvillians gradually contained themselves. He spoke again. “Unicorns. At first glance, you may be seen as the superior pony race. After all, you can bend the powers of magic to your will. However, this magical use has changed you. It has spoiled you. The only way you may truly know how good you've had it is to experience the lives of those without. Thus, I bring you this gift. Unicorns, you shall lose your horns.” Discord was particularly sharp with this final phrase.
Before the crowd had a chance to react, Discord's talons and paws lit up with magical power as he pointed them to the sky. An amorphous, bright yellow bubble formed in the sky above Ponyville. Discord let out a chuckle and snapped his fingers. The bubble burst, spreading bright yellow rays all over the town. With an audible “pop”, the wings and horns of everypony shifted to other ponies.
Rainbow Dash looked back at her familiar wing spots. Sure enough, they were gone. She let out a deep sigh; she would certainly miss her awesome flying sessions, and joining the Wolderbolts was now an unattainable dream. Without warning, Rarity shrieked next to her.
“What is it?” The pegasus asked.
“Y-your horn!” Rarity could barely speak. “It's mine!”
Rainbow Dash glanced upward, but could only see the tip of her new horn. “How can you even tell?”
Rarity looked indignant, “I go to the spa twice a week for my horn to look so immaculate!” she rolled her eyes, “And, of course it had to go to the least fashionable pony in town.”
Rainbow Dash snickered. Next to her, Applejack was becoming accustomed to her new wings. They were yellow and rather delicate, unfitting for the husky earth pony. Fluttershy approached her, afraid to speak up.
Applejack noticed her newly-featherless friend and initiated the conversation. “Ah suppose ah got your wings, Fluttershy.”
“Y-yes, it looks that way” she meekly responded.
“They're real comfortable, and soft, too.” Applejack gave a careful flap of her new wings. She glanced at Fluttershy's new horn. It was purple, and of a decent size. “Looks like you've got Twilight's horn.” She said nonchalantly.
Fluttershy's gentle demeanor quickly becake panicked. “T-T-Twilight's horn?”
Almost on cue, the group heard a loud scream. They all looked to its origin and saw Twilight Sparkle galloping straight for them.
Twilight's eyes darted between her four friends. “What's going on!?” She asked, panicking all the while.
Applejack tried to explain. “Y'see, sugarcube, Discord made this big speech about how he was giving us all gifts. The earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, I mean.”
Rarity chimed in, “Every earth pony in Ponyville was given the wings of a pegasus, every pegasus received the horn of a unicorn, and each unicorn lost her horn...”
“Fluttershy's got your horn, Twi.” Applejack moved to the side to reveal Fluttershy, who was cowering behind the winged earthpony. With her cover disappearing, Fluttershy gave a quiet squeal and shut her eyes tight.
Without warning, a pink and blue blur whizzed by the five. Twilight could barely let the words “What was that?” escape her mouth before it whizzed by again. Finally, the blur ascended high into the sky before falling straight downward, then pulling up and looping around, landing on her hooves next to the five.
Rainbow Dash laughed. “Pinkie Pie! Stop playin' around with my wings!”
Pinkie Pie let out a familiar giggle. “Sorry, Rainbow Dash, they're just so much fun!” She rose into the air again. “It's like I was meant to have wings!”
The other five ponies rolled their eyes. That was Pinkie Pie.
Using Somepony Else's Talents
Chapter 2 – Using Somepony Else's Talents
Pinkie Pie flapped her new blue wings and shot off into the air. She spoke softly to herself, “Chocolate rain?” Much to her dismay, there was hardly a cloud in the sky, much less a cotton candy cloud containing chocolate milk.
“Pinkie!” Twilight called, “Come down here! We need to figure out what Discord is up to!”
Pinkie resigned to returning to solid ground, but not before performing a few areial maneuvers.
“Alright everypony,” Twilight Sparkle said to her five friends, “we'll need to know as much as we can about Discord if we're going to stop him.”
Rainbow Dash spoke first. “He likes to mess around with everypony!”
Applejack gave her addition, “And he has that strange magic o' his!”
“Good. What else?” Twilight said with a smile.
Silence.
Twilight groaned, “Is that really all we know about him?”
Further silence.
Exasperated, Twilight let her head fall in her hoof.
Discord's familiar laugh echoed above the group. He was wearing a snorkel, and gracefully backstroking through the air above the ponies' heads. “You really don't know much about me, do you?”
Pinkie Pie noticed his aerial swimming. “Ooh! I should try that out later!”
“Pinkie!” Twilight barked.
Discord continued while switching to a dog-paddle, “I'll give you a little hint. If you plan to win, you're going to lose. If I were you, I would do what I'm doing!”
Twilight was puzzled. “But... If you were me, we'd be you. And if we were you, we wouldn't be around here causing trouble!”
Discord swiftly replied, “But I do what I do regardless of what's happening! That's the beauty of it!” He descended to the ground and turned his attention to two of Twilight's friends. “Applejack, Rarity, kindly look over there.” He pointed a long, thin talon toward Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, who were laughing and playing elsewhere in the town square. Sure enough, Applebloom possessed a small, orange feathered wing on either side, and Scootaloo had lost her wings in favour of Sweetie Belle's small white horn.
“Why, those are just our sisters with Scootaloo.” Rarity replied.
“Are you sayin' you did somethin' to our sisters?” Applejack's tone became suddenly enraged.
Discord laughed. “Of course not, Applejack. I only mean to say that your sisters are certainly taking their changes well, unlike you.” He glared at Twilight.
She glared back.
“Well, seeing as there is no further business to attend to here, I bid you ponies adieu.” Discord politely lifted the top hat which had materialized upon his head, them disappeared in his signature puff of smoke, leaving the six ponies to their own devices.
The rest of the day was spent as normal, for the most part. In fact, for many ponies, the change did not affect their daily duties. Applejack could buck trees just fine, and occasionally used her wings to fly up and pick off the particularly stubborn apples. Fluttershy, though she did not make use of her horn, found no trouble in caring for her animal friends without her wings. Pinkie Pie spent her afternoon becoming surprisingly proficient with her new feathered torso addition. Twilight was hard at work studying, as usual. Unlike the others, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were seriously hampered by their losses. It took Rarity far longer to design clothing for her Boutique, and Rainbow Dash was out of a job without the ability to move clouds.
Those who lost talents were working toward learning new skills. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had asked Twilight for preliminary magic lessons, to which she excitedly agreed. Fluttershy even offered to aid Rarity in the Boutique when she was finished with her animals. All in all, ponies were adapting quite well to Discord's first act of chaos.
Each pony slept well that night, excited by the prospects of fun new stuff to do. Every pony, that is, except for Twilight Sparkle. She continued to study. When she could no longer study from sheer exhaustion, she lied awake on her bed and thought. She thought and thought and thought and thought and thought, and then she thought some more. She thought about her friends, and about Celestia. She thought about all the trials and hardships they had faced. They had dealt with a dragon, a hydra, and even Nightmare Moon, who had overpowered Celestia herself. But Discord had beaten them. How? The Elements should have worked, but they didn't. They should have taken away Discord's power, but they didn't. She didn't understand, and that aggravated her. Nevertheless, her exhaustion eventually got the better of her, and she drifted off to sleep.
It was dark. Princess Luna's daily duties were about to end, and her sister's were just beginning. Some ponies were just waking up to start their early morning routines. Unfortunately for the rest of them, Discord had other plans.
The town hall bell rang out sharply, awakening almost every pony in town. Naturally, within minutes there was a massive congregation in the town square. Once again, a stone stage rose from the ground, only this time it made a simple “pop” rather than usual ground-shaking. Discord appeared before the assembly, not with a fireworks display, but a picture of one set behind him.
“A pleasure to have you all here today, ponies.” He spoke as though to an old friend, albeit with a loud, booming voice. “I have something very important to announce to you all. Being the extraordinarily talented draconequus that I am, I'm afraid that I will be needed outside of Ponyville for some time. As such, I won't be able to spread much more chaos aroudn here for the time being.
The crowd breathed a collective sigh of relief. The big race switcheroo was a jarring change at best, and an impossible one at worst. “However,” Discord began again. “I have chosen three ponies to rule over Ponyville in my stead. Girls, come up here, if you please.”
Trotting confidently up to the stage were Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. Everypony was speechless. He's letting three little fillies rule the entire city? That's madness! They don't know the first thing about leadership!
Mayor Mare spoke up. “I will not allow you to assign the role of leader to three fillies! For hundreds of years, the leaders of Ponyville solved problems democratically, not through sheer force of will!”
Discord was annoyed, but not angry, as though a particularly insolent fly was buzzing all around him while he was trying to finish a crossword puzzle. It's just a fly, so you can't be angry, but come on, there are just like seven more words to get. “In case any of you get ideas of rebellion, they can call me back here with the wink of an eye.” With a wave of his paw a staff appeared, about four feet long, hovering just above the three fillies. “Anyone who disobeys them, angers them, dislikes them, peeves them, berates them, defies them, disagrees with them, bores them, appalls them, or for any reason does not appease them will answer to me, and from what I know the Canterlot Castle dungeons are surprisingly empty...”
With a burst of smoke, he disappeared once more. The staff slowly descended to the ground in front of the three fillies, who were still smiling triumphantly. The stage upon which they were standing fell back to the ground with the sound of a balloon deflating.
Applebloom scooped the staff up onto her back, “Well, go about yer business, everypony! We'll be good leaders fer sure!” They began to trot away together toward city hall.
Discord appeared once more where the stage had been. “And no lambasting them either!” With that, he disappeared again.
