Les Petit Poneys

by defender2222

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Cheese Sandwich, Spike, Comedy, Shining Armor, Main 6
Length: 7144

Twilight tries to put on the musicial Les Petit Poneys... try being the key word.

Every year Canterlot puts on a play on Hearth's Warming Eve to celebrate the season. And while the traditional Founders Play will still be done, this year Princess Twilight Sparkle, at the suggestion of Princess Celestia to 'liven things up', has decided to put on a second play: the musical Les Petits Poneys. A tale of redemption, loss, and love, Twilight just knows that it will be a hit. But things rarely go as planned. With Twilight changing up roles to make the play more species-friendly, many of the actors failing to memorize their lines, ad libbing that totally changes the story, perfomrers using the play to achieve their own personal goals and desires, and other plays somehow bumbling their way into the production, this show will be one to truly remember.

Starring Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Cheese Sandwich, Spike, Iron Will, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and with guest appearances from many of your favorite characters, Les Petits Poneys will be the comedic event of the season.

Author's Note: Thank you to all that helped get this story in the Featured Box!

Published 2014-11-27 19:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-10 03:29:29 UTC

Act 1, Scenes 1 & 2

Act 1
Scene 1

If you searched long and hard and had just a bit of luck on your side there might be a small chance that you would stumble upon a rather magical realm. A place a whimsy and beauty and delight. A land that seemed to come straight out of a fairy tale, filled with a wide array of strange and colorful characters. A place where it was hard not to smile and just enjoy life! What, you ask, is the name of this mythical place?

Finland, of course.

FINNISH SINGERS (dressed in traditional Finnish clothing)
Finland, Finland, Finland
That's the country for me!

(VARIOUS ANIMAL NOISES)

MAYOR:
Finland is the country where we dance
Finland is the country where we play
Here in Finland boy and girl can find a true romance
In traditional Scandinavian vay!

ALL:
Schlip! Schlap!

MAYOR:
Schlip-a-schlap-a vay

ALL:
Schlip! Schlap!

MAYOR:
Schlap away all day

ALL:
Schlip! Schlap!

MAYOR:
You simply can't go wrong
Vith traditional fish-schlapping song

ALL:
Finland, Finland, Finland

MEN:
The country where I quite want to be

SOLOIST 1:
Outdoor trekking-

SOLOIST 2:
Or camping-

ALL:
Or just watching TV
Finland, Finland, Finland
That's the country for me

defender2222 (spoken):
But this story doesn’t take place in Finland.

COMPANY (spoken in tandem):
What? Oh, sorry, sorry about that

No, our story takes place in another magical place filled with whimsy and wonder: Equestria. Now, if one were to look at Equestria they would be forgiven for thinking it quite different from our world. For starters the Manehattan Mets are actually a good team that has won several World Series and had never disappointed their fans by failing repeatedly, over and over, until one wonders if it isn’t some cosmic joke upon the few loyal idiots that still support the team.

Also there are the talking colorful ponies.

But while it is true that this world was filled with pegasi, unicorns and earth ponies (who kinda got the raw end of the deal when it came to naming rights, I suppose), there are many similarities between their world and ours. One of the key ones is that just like in our world the day of December 25th is considered to be a very important day. This day, like in our world, is a wonderful holiday that celebrates love and family and giving. While our holiday is known as Christmas the little ponies call it Hearth’s Warming Day and hold it as the founding of their country and when the magic of friendship was first discovered.

But more important than the day is the one that comes before. Hearth’s Warming Eve. This is a day of entertainment and excitement! In every town and city and hamlet plays are put on telling the tale of the Founding of Equestria. It is a timeless tale filled with over the top characters, scary villains, and a message that all should keep in their hearts not just on one day, but all days. In fact, one would say the play might be perfect if not for a small detail.

It was dull.

This had nothing to do with the story itself, of course. One might think that such an old tale, passed down from generation to generation, would grow stale and out of date as the years went on. But it is a testament to the strength of this yarn that it endures and even now the youngest of ponies, upon hearing it for the first time, are entranced.

It isn’t the fault of the players either. Honestly, in Equestria it didn’t matter how talented the person was who put on the play, it was still enjoyed. Sometimes it was a father, using his magic to make puppets dance for his children while momma put the finishing touching of the Hearth’s Warming dinner. Other times it was whole communities taking turns with the roles and design… in fact there were a few small villages where the audience was less than that of those who put on the play. And in the great cities like Los Pegasus or Fillydelphia the finest thespian actors would perform shows with such power and amazement that one could be excused for believing they were looking through a mirror into the past.

But even so… it was dull.

The reason is simple: the tale had told so many times that most adults knew it by heart. They could still lose themselves in it but they knew the ending. Rather than inciting excitement and wonder all that was brought about… was a nostalgic feeling. This wasn’t a bad thing, mind you, but it was lacking.

So it was that this year Princess Celestia decided that something a bit different needed to be done. She announced to the thrill of her subjects that she would be providing funds to allow for Hearth’s Warming Eve to become an entire day dedicated to the theater. The Founding Play would still go on, of course, no one was going to say for even a moment that it shouldn’t. but in addition there would be other performances to fill the time and give families something else to do. It was achance to recapture magic as well as open ponies’ eyes to other things they might not have tried before.

Well, her subjects instantly supported such an idea! Different groups quickly formed and other plays and tales were selected. Some were brand new pieces that would have their very first viewing that day. Others were classics themselves but were given new life thanks to this holiday performance. Many actors found themselves being cast in multiple plays and delighted in the chance to spend the afternoon and evening slipping from one guise to the next like a changeling.

In the city of Canterlot, which is the capital of Equestria, this blizzard of plays and performances reached its fevered pitch. Every playhouse was booked full and other buildings were converted to serve such a purpose. They weren’t all grand, of course, far from it, but that actually helped serve to make the entire event more magical. It was a strange and amusing thing to sit in a restaurant or a warehouse or even the large dining room of some wealthy stallion and see it made into a small theater with hoof-made curtains and candles turned into spotlights. Even the castle itself became a theater and it is said that Princess Celestia and Luna dissolved into giggles as their guards put on a special farce for that day.

There was no doubt, however, of what the main attraction would be for the Princesses. Celestia had turned to only one mare to plan and organize the final play the sisters would attend. This mare… was Princess Twilight Sparkle. Though she had little time to do it Twilight accepted the burden with a grin and went to work gathering the actors and scenery and props and scripts needed to put on the performance.

And that, dear reader… is where our story beings.

~LPP~LPP~LPP~

“I must say, I am rather excited to see what Twilight has come up with,” Princess Celestia said as she entered her private luxury box, Luna only a step behind her. “She seemed rather excited about it.”

“That she has, sister,” Luna said. She had been working hard to break herself out of speaking in Old Equestrian and while making good strides still tended to be a touch too formal. Celestia, bless her, never made fun of her for it. “We… I hope she has not worked herself into a… what is the word… fizzy?”

“Tizzy,” Celestia said. “And I hope as much too. I was very careful with my wordings, so that she understood that this was not some grand event that she needed to worry herself sick about.”

“Your student does tend to do such. I remember your tales of how fearful she would get whenever you made an appearance in Ponyville.”

Celestia nodded, letting out a small sigh. “Sometimes I wish she had treated me as she treated you.” When Luna raised an eyebrow at this Celestia smiled. “I don’t mean when you first met… I mean that she never put you on a pedestal. With me she is always so fearful she will do something wrong.”

“But it has gotten better,” Luna pointed out.

“That is true. That is why I asked her to put on this play… to make sure she could handle it without turning it into a massive production.”

“It is a massive production,” Luna said in confusion. "Just look at the cast list..."

“I mean not make it all about me and her worries about what I will think.”

“Ah. You make sense now, sister.” She paused, looking her sister over. “So this is all a test then? Wouldn’t that merely confirm Twilight’s fears about you?”

Celestia had the decency to look abashed. “Not quite a test… more of a chance to prove herself. I am allowed to worry about her, after all, and this is an opportunity for Twilight to prove to me, and more herself, that she can handle something of this nature without losing herself to stress.”

“…did you hide all the tables in a 5 mile radius?”

Celestia let fly a dry chuckle. “No, I did not. I am sure that Twilight will be able to restrain herself from bashing her skull against them.”

“What is that saying… ‘last words of a famous mare’?” Luna used her magic to pick up a program and began to skim through it. “What do you know of this play? This ‘Les Petit Poneys’.” She closed the program and stared at the red and white drawing of a wide-eyed unicorn, the white-lettered title framed by her mane. It was a strange, striking image that held the moon princess’ attention for some time.

Celestia, once she was sure her sister was actually paying attention, began to speak. “It is a musical that takes place in France. I don’t want to ruin it for you but it deals with the ideas of love, loss, freedom, redemption, and moving beyond the past.”

“Heavy topics for a festive holiday.”

“I don’t know about that… sometimes deeper thought works best on light and happy days.” Celestia smiled as she listened to the orchestra begin to tune up. "I believe that this will be a show to remember."

Thunder ominously rumbled around them.

Act 1
Scene 2

"Spike, stop playing with that sound effects machine!"

The baby dragon, wearing a brown jacket over a starched white shirt with high collar, awkwardly pulled his taloned hand away from the wooden box. "Oh, come on Twilight, I was just testing it out! You never know when we might need it!"

"We aren't going to need it," Twilight said, her horn glowing as she pulled out a battered script from her saddle bag and flipped through it. "There are no storms in the play."

"But maybe there should be!" Scootaloo argued. The little filly squirmed as Mrs. Cake dabbed yellow makeup with a small sponge against her coat, making sure that no spot of orange could be seen. A long pink wig sat off to the side, waiting to be placed over her short purple mane. "It could really spice things up."

"Nothing needs to be spiced up," Twilight stated, looking around at the barely control chaos that was occurring around her. Several burly stallions were working to get the scenery placed and ready while Mr. Cake was helping Sweetie Belle with her lines. Last minute makeup touchups were being done and several ponies were going through the rack of costumes, searching for their wardrobes. Just beyond the heavy red curtains Twilight could hear the musicians running through some little tunes and the murmur of the audience as they found their seats. "We are going to present this musical as written, ok?"

"Really?" Applejack said. "Then why am I wearin' this dang thing on my rear?" The farmer was dressed in a blue inspector's uniform. However, the main thing that caught everyone's attention was that her flank and hind legs had been painted a dark green and a prosthetic capricorn tail was attached to her backside. Whenever she flexed her legs the tail would swish about, forcing those around her to leap away lest they get a nice smack.

Twilight blushed. "Ok... so I did alter the species of some of the cast... but that's only because I wanted to diversify things. Make it friendly to everyone, no matter their species."

Spike and several other actors rolled their eyes. They all knew the real reason Twilight had changed Javert to a capricorn and members of the Students' Rebellion to minotaurs and griffins. When Celestia had announced that Hearth's Warming Eve would be a day of theater several troupes from around the globe had decided to truly make it an international event. Series productions from Griffland were putting on plays, including the comedies of Whiny Shakespear. A kaboki group from Neighpon were also putting on a show, as was a troupe of perytons from Reinssa. Singers from Iponia were presenting select works of opera; Rarity had gone to an early showing and raved about it. Even the war-loving capricorns had gotten into the act; no one had been more surprised than Twilight to find out that capricons loved the theater but she'd found their production of Oceanus Rex to be quite interesting, if a bit bloody.

Thus Twilight, knowing that Canterlot would be full of foreigners taking in the plays and experiencing Hearth's Warming for the first time, decided to give Les Petit Poneys a more diverse cast.

"And it really doesn't hurt anything... I mean, its only a few parts that were changed."

"Like Fantine being an alicorn now?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Or how my part is suppose to be played by an earth pony?" When several other actors and actresses looked at her the blue mare bristled. "What, I can't enjoy the theater just because I like sports?"

"No one is saying that. And yes, I did change your part but for good reason! There aren't any pegasus parts in this play!" Twilight complained. "When Victorious Hi-Go wrote it the play was suppose to be about the plight of the earth ponies under a unicorn monarchy. We don't have that in Equestria and besides... I didn't think that type of subject matter would be good for a Hearth's Warming Play."

"But death and war are?" Fluttershy said softly.

Twilight closed her eyes and counted to five before continuing. "The only thing we are changing is the species... the characters will be exactly the same." She paused, glancing over at the door. "Assuming our Valjean and Fantine show up!"

"You want me to take over their parts?" Spike asked, puffing out his chest and looking might proud of himself. "I mean, I know all the roles by heart..."

"We're here, we're here!" Shining Armor called out, racing through the exit door, Cadence fast on his hooves. "Sorry, but we were halfway here when Cadence realized she'd left her dress at the castle. We had to run all the way back there and the extra security meant we couldn't teleport..."

"We're sorry, Twilight," Cadence said. "But we're here now."

"Thank Celestia," Twilight said. Looking around and seeing everyone was there she raised her voice a bit. "Everypony, can you please gather round? I want to say a few words." Twilight looked at the entire cast and smiled. Their numbers included her best friends, her #1 Assistant, her BBBFF, her friend and former foalsitter, and a large array of acquaintances. There were even a few, like Iron Will, who she had only really gotten to know through the production. "I know it has been a rough few weeks getting this all together. We've hit some speed bumps and had some problems but each time we made it through to the other side. I know some of you had your doubts... when we lost five different Mariuses in the span of three days it looked like we were doomed. But Spike, you stepped in and took over the role and for that I am truly thankful."

"No problem, twilight," Spike said proudly. "Its just too bad that those totally accidental and in no way preplanned accidents happened to my victims- I mean the actors I replaced."

Twilight nodded. "And Fluttershy, thank you for being willing to switch parts with Rarity."

"No problem, Twilight," Fluttershy said.

"Wait, what?" Spike excalimed. "But... but Rarity was Cosette!"

The fashionista smiled. "I know, Spike, but I just felt that Eponine was a meatier role. It offered such flare and drama!" She looked over and Fluttershy and smiled. "Sorry, my dear... I think you would have made a fine Eponine but in my heart I know you'll be the best Cosette the stage has ever seen."

Spike looked in dawning horror at Fluttershy. "But... I wanted..." He sat down with a thud and began to tug on his tail. "Aw man!"

"And Rarity," Twilight said, "I want to thank you for creating all these costumes. I know learning two parts wasn't easy and throwing the creation of all these dresses and coats couldn't-"

Rarity laughed. "My dear, it was perfectly fine! I mean, yes, I had to basically inject coffee right into my veins so I could pull 7 all-nighters but seeing you all wearing your perfectly tailored costumes lets me know it was worth it."

Cadence shifted, struggling to get on her first costume. "Uh, Rarity, could you perhaps let this dress-"

"As... I... said..." Rarity snapped, eyes going pure black with red pupils, "perfectly... tailored... costumes."

Every pony shifted awkwardly, not wanting to say a word in case they might say the wrong thing and cause the white unicorn mare to erupt in a fury. Finally Cheese Sandwich cleared his throat. “Well, I for one am happy you let me be a part of this! I can’t wait to go out there and show that audience the brave and heroic Thénardier-“ Iron Will leaned down and whispered in Cheese’s ear. “He’s a what?!?”

Pinkie gasped. “You mean he’s a mean pony? But… that can’t be true! Why would Madame Thénardier marry a-“ Iron Will once again leaned down and whispered. “She’s a what?!?” Pinkie instantly sprang towards Twilight, grabbing her cheeks and pressing her face against her own. “We have to do rewrites! I can’t be a mean pony!”

“If we are doing rewrites can I get some cool fight sequences?”

“I don’t like how my character behaves in scene 7.”

“Maybe we should change some dialogue.”

“I didn’t sign up to make out with Fluttershy!”

“ENOUGH!” Twilight bellowed. “We are not changing anything! We aren’t changing costumes or character motivations or lines or anything! Not another change, you hear me! This is going to be perfect and you all are just going to have to suck it up and go out there and have fun or so help me I will MAKE YOU have fun! We are putting on this play as is and everypony… why are you all staring at me?”

“Uh, Twi?” Applejack said, pointing behind the purple mare. Twilight turned and saw the curtain was open… and the entire audience was staring at them.

“…eep,” Twilight said before rushing off stage, the rest of the cast following her.

“Was that part of the play?” Luna asked.

Act 1, Scenes 3-7

Act 1
Scene 3

"I am confused," Luna said as Applejack, wearing the fake Capricorn tail and an inspector’s uniform, gave Shining his parole papers. "Why is Princess Twilight's dimwitted country bumpkin friend so mad at the up-jumped commoner who seduced our niece all in the name of trying to bettering his station?"

Celestia stared at her sister in shock. "Luna!" the princess hissed. "Why in the world would you say such terrible things?"

"What terrible things?" the lunar princess asked, utterly confused.

"You just insulted Twilight's friends and family."

"I did?" Luna frowned, her horn glowing as she snatch up a book from the royal saddle bag. On stage Shining and Applejack continued to sing at each other. She began to flip through the book, brow creased. "Perhaps I misspoke. Was I supposed to call the orange one an inbred hick who will most likely die from drinking tainted moonshine?"

Celestia's jaw nearly dropped to the floor. "Luna, I demand to know where you learned such vile terms."

"From this book I found. I am trying to educate myself on proper modern speech so I do not sound so... dated-out?"

"Outdated," Celestia said, grabbing the book and bringing it over for a closer look. "'Prince Blueblood's Guide to Riffraff. Learn how to properly discuss the filthy masses in 10 easy steps'." The ruler of Equestria rolled her eyes as she tossed the book into a trashcan. "That would explain much."

"Why ever did you do that?" Luna whispered as Applejack, in the role of Inspector Javert, released Prisoner 24601 (aka Shining Armor) on parole. "I was just about to learn how to properly address the brainless dolts that come on bended knee to beg for coin so they might feed their drug habit. It sounded like that was a very important chapter!"

"We will discuss how a princess should behave later. For now I want you to focus on the play."

"I still do not understand what is going on. Why is the up-start a prisoner? Did he murder another pony or cause wanton acts of destruction or steal thy last piece of cake?"

"No," Celestia said, repressing a shudder at some daring criminal cakenapping her beloved dessert. "He was arrested for several crimes, most notably stealing a loaf of bread."

"Well, then he deserves what punishment he received." When Celestia looked at her sister in confusion Luna elaborated. "I have learned that restaurants provide free bread... there was no need to steal a loaf. To do so is just being lazy." She paused, tapping his chin. "Unless he put it in the ice box till it was really really hard and then used it to rob a bank. Then that was a clever idea. A naughty one, yes, but a clever one. Is that what he did, sister?"

"Yes, that is exactly what he did," Celestia said, humoring her little sister as she watched Shining Armor approach the door of a monastery.

Act 1
Scene 4

Twilight opened the peephole of the door just enough so she could see Shining and the audience could see her. It was important that the audience see that a real pony was at the door, as it helped create the illusion that the play was not some mere performance but that the audience had been transported to Prance during the height of the culture revolution. Twilight wanted so badly to make this entire performance feel like the audience had stepped back to a simpler time… when food was scarce, limits in medical knowledge meant life expectancies were cut in half, and minor disagreements were settled with utter violence.

She'd given herself this role because it was a small enough one that it wouldn't affect her ability to direct and still allow her to have some fun onstage. She'd enjoyed very much being part of the Founders' Play and while she could never take on a large role like Cosette or Fantine she could, at the very least, get a few minutes to shine.

"Please," Shining said, projecting his voice out to the audience, his body trembling with fake shivers. "I am so cold."

Twilight slowly opened the door, considering her brother. She was wearing the traditional garb of a monk, her straight mane parted in a bowl-like cut to help sell the idea that she was a holy pony. She didn’t know why Celestia use to demand that ponies that aided her wear bowl cuts but she made a mental note to ask; her current theory had it involving a bad case of bedhead that snowballed. "I can only let you stay the night," she stated. "I know who you are... you are Jean Valjean."

"That is true," Shining said, rubbing his shoulders as he moved towards the doorway. "But even a sinner can feel the cold and tonight it is the worst. I fear nothing could survive these frigid temperatures."

"Ba ba ba!"

Shining and Twilight slowly turned, eyes wide in shock as Pumpkin Cake toddled onto the stage, happily looking about. The audience began to murmur and chuckle as the baby, who was obviously NOT cold in the slightest, happily walked about, her bright eyes alight with good humor. She poked and prodded at the scenery, giggling as she did so.

"Uh..." Twilight said, swallowing hard. "A cold... cold night... that is sure to cause one to suffer such frost bite they would hallucinate that there are babies running about. But, by the light of the moon-"

SPRUNK!

Shining leapt out of the way as a large wooden sun descended right above their heads, Pound Cake happily riding it. The Pegasus foal squealed in delight as he swung back and forth, Pumpkin clapping her hooves in glee at her brother’s antics.

"-which is so bright it resembles the sun," Twilight said weakly as the audience began to laugh, "I can see that you are Jean Valjean, a dangerous stallion that all fear."

"Shi-shi!" Pumpkin Cake exclaimed. She scrambled over to him, hugging his leg, while Pound fluttered down and began to nuzzle him. Cadence had taken an instant liking to the Cake twins during their rehearsals and she and Shining had played with the foals for many hours while Twilight rehearsed other scenes. Shining did his best to look dangerous and tough but the attempt failed and the two foals just continued to cuddle him.

"All... uh... I need is one night," Shining said lamely. "And then me... uh…and these babies... can go."

"...alright, get inside," Twilight said, giving up.

In the audience Miss Book-It, Princess Celestia's Education Advisor, considered what she just saw. "So young ponies are comforted by the presence of hardened criminals! This will revolutionize education!"

Act 1
Scene 5

"I am so sorry, Twilight," Mrs. Cake said, gathering up the twins and placing them back in their playpen. "By the time I'd realized they'd escaped it was too late."

Twilight took several deep breaths, forcing herself to remain calm. It would do no good to scream at the baker… because then the audience would hear her. "It's... okay," she finally said. "I know they didn't mean it."

The Cake twins looked at each other before pressing their hooves together and cackling like little supervillains.

"...ok then. Well, at the very least no pony was hurt and the audience didn’t seem to mind too much. Hopefully they will just forget about it and forget it ever happened."

"Sure looks like they are," Rainbow Dash, peaking out at the crowd. They were watching with undivided attention as Shining sulked about the stage, preparing himself to steal the silver from the cupboards. The cyan pegasus frowned before looking back at her purple friend. "Hey Twilight... I'm not an expert when it comes to putting on plays but wouldn't it help to actually have some silverware in the cupboard for your brother to steal?"

"WHAT!?!" Twilight screamed before covering her mouth, eyes wide. "What?!?" she gasped much softer, hurrying over so she could peer around the curtain. Shining was on stage, opening and closing doors as he vainly searched for the silver candlesticks that weren't there. "Where are they?!? Who was in charge of the props?"

"Uh, you were, Twilight," Spike pointed out, adjusting his coat. “By the way, I think my character should totally hook up with Eponine…”

The purple alicorn's eyes went to pinpricks.

Act 1
Scene 6

"Twilight, are you sure this is everything?" Spike called up to the stairs to his friend. It was a few hours before the play and Spike was gathering the last few things they'd need before they needed to get to the theater. "This bag feels a bit light!"

"I'm sure, Spike!" Twilight called out before returning her focus to her workout. "Ok, going to be on stage... need to have flanks of steel!” Slipping on a headband Twilight began to bounce about her room. “And turn and flex and shake and bounce, and turn and flex and shake and bounce!" She continued on, never noticing the two silver candlesticks that had rolled under her bed.

Act 1
Scene 7

"Oh, this is bad, this is so bad!" Twilight said in a panic. "The theater community is going to have me tarred and feathered!"

"What's wrong with having feathers?" Rainbow Dash said, giving Twilight a cool stare.

"This is a disaster!" the pruple pony wailed.

"Iron Will wouldn't be so sure of that!" the minotaur declared. "It appears to Iron Will that your brother is making the best of it."

"Huh?" Twilight said, blinking in surprise as Shining began to sing.

“You still haven’t answered me!” Dash exclaimed.

Shining

Where is it all?
Sweet Celestia, where is it all?
There came a thief in the night,
He took it and he did run
And have I tried so hard,
And is the hour so late
That nothing remains not even a small plate,
I could have used that to go buy some beers,
That little stash would have set me up for years!
If there's another way to go
I should have got up long ago
Then the silver would be the prize that I won
The richest pony in Prance would be Valjean
But someone slipped in, stole it ‘fore me
It isn’t right, this can you not see?
Yet why allow that swift pony
To steal my stuff, quiet as dove?
He treated me like any other
As I stole from all
from store, bank, or mall
All this I thought I was above
Can such things be?
For I had come to hate the world
This world that always hated me
Take an eye for an eye!
Turn your heart into stone!
This is all I have lived for!
This is all I have known!
But ‘fore it could go in my sack
Stolen first, now I am the hack
Perhaps this is my chance at freedom
Cut away my darkness with this old knife
He showed me that I have a soul,
How does he know?
What spirit comes to move my life?
Is there another way to go?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the night is closing in
And I stare into the void
To the whirlpool of my sin
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean
Jean Valjean is nothing now
Another story must begin!

The audience remained silent before bursting into applause. Shining smiled and took a small bow before scurrying off the stage as the lights dimmed.

"...ok, we got lucky there," Twilight said.

“ANSWER THE QUESTION!” Rainbow bellowed.

Act 1, Scene 8

Act 1
Scene 8

Twilight let out a sigh of relief. While the first couple scenes had been rough, what with the escaped babies and the forgotten props and that one moment when Donut Joe had tried to interrupt the show to promote his new line of Pumpkin Flavored Donuts (which was followed by a bunch of mares in yoga pants demanding pumpkin coffee to go with said donuts… that had caused a huge problem when Mrs. Cake had thought they meant they wanted to use her baby to flavor in her coffee… it had taken 7 minutes to calm her down), but things were getting back on track. Cadence was doing wonderfully as Fantine and Mr. Cake, much to everyone's surprise, was able to play the role of a lecherous, corrupt boss with such feeling that it had even Pinkie, who knew him so well, was fighting full body shivers.

The purple mare smiled to herself as Mr. Cake ramped up into his part of the song. Things were definitely looking up.

And that's one someone knocked on the scenery door.

Twilight whipped around, thinking her brother had goofed up his cue, but Shining was staring there just as befuddled as her. Twilight turned back on stage and watched as Mr. Cake, not knowing what to do, walking over to the prop door and opened it. He looked about, confused, before realizing the knocker was several feet lower. There, standing with a big smile on her face, was Dinky Hooves, wearing a ginger wig over her mane and dressed in a pretty little green dress.

Dinky

Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play!
I never see you anymore
Open the door
Come on let's go today!

We use to be best buddies
But now we're not.
I wish you would tell me why!
Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman!

Mr. Cake (spoken)

I think you're in the wrong play, Dinky.

Dinky (looking around and realizing he's right, then waving at the audience)

Ok bye!

"Awwwwwww!" the audience all exclaimed before bursting into applause. The sound of their hooves clanking together drowned out Twilight's gnashing of teeth as she stomped over to Dinky, who was happily talking away with Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom.

"Twilight, no!" Shining said, grabbing her tail with his teeth and yanking her back. "She is a filly... you can't incinerate her."

The princess shook her head, her rage oozing away. "Right... right. Thanks big brother." Reminding herself that she was a mature adult and a princess too Twilight walked over to Dinky and looked down at her, gearing up for an epic scolding. "Dinky..."

"Hi Miss Princess!" Dinky said happily. "Your play sure does look cool!" She spun around and giggled. “I’m wearing a wig! Isn’t it pretty?”

"...curse you and your cuteness," Twilight muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Do you need help finding your way to your play?"

"Don't worry!" a brown stallion, dressed in winter gear, called out. "I'm here to retrieve her."

"Doctor!" Dinky exclaimed happily, running up to him. "I took a wrong turn!" She said that like a one would tell someone they'd found some money on the ground.

"Good for you!" The Doctor said proudly, giving her an affectionate pat on the head before turning his attention on Twilight. "Sorry about that, our performance is in the theater next door.

"Could we hurry up?" Discord said as he ambled over, his horns changed to resemble a reindeer's. "I don't want us to miss the curtain rising." When Twilight merely stared at the spirit of chaos in shock the draconequus rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I have a life outside of you, Twilight Sparkle."

The Doctor leaned in and whispered, "He makes a wonderful Sven but doesn't hold a candle to our Elsa."

"LET IT GO, LET IT GO! CAN'T EXTERMINATE ANYMORE!" Rollypolly the baby Dalek sang, a blonde wig attached to his dome and a blue dress wrapped around his armored shell.

Meanwhile, back on stage, Mr. Cake leered at Cadence. "Now now, my girl, if you want to keep your job... you'll need to give me a little something." He wiggled his eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

The Princess stared at him for a moment. "I am reporting you to our human resources department."

"Say what?" Mr. Cake said, blinking in surprise.

Cadence nodded firmly. "Oh yes, I think that is the only course of action. I know for a fact that sexual harassment is against the law and what you did constituted as such. I have no choice but report you."

"Wait... I don't think-"

"No, you didn't think," Cadence said firmly. "You look at me and see nothing but a firm flank and a beautiful mane but you fail to comprehend the beauty that is inside of me. That's a shame, as if you allowed yourself a moment to truly understand the wonder pony I am, rather than the attractive mare you see, we might have had a chance. Ours might have been a beautiful romance but now it has become a tragic parting... or is it a tragic romance and a beautiful parting? Who knows. But I do know that you destroyed such a chance. We could have had something special. But no, your lust has ruined that."

“I… wait…”

“No, I will not wait!” Cadence moved to center stage and addressed the audience. “No stallion should ever be allowed to treat a mare in such a way! Nor a mare treat a stallion as such! If we are ever to have a society that we all hope for the first thing we must do is learn to treat each other with dignity and respect!”

"What is she doing?!?" Twilight hissed.

Shining Armor shrugged. "Cadence told me that she didn't like how the play portrayed mares and wanted to create a more female-friendly character. Give the story a positive message, you know?"

"She is ruining everything!!!" Twilight screeched, her cries drowned out by the song Cadence and the factor-worker extras were singing about the dangers of sexual harassment. "Most of the play revolves around Fantine being kicked out into the streets and how that one act spirals out of control and brings about radical change to so many characters and their worlds. It speaks of how a single injustice can snowball till it becomes something far greater than anyone could comprehend."

"...huh, I always thought it was about doing that weird sing/speak thing in the land of cheese and cowards."

"Forget it!" Twilight used her magic to grab a top hat, a cloak, and a set of glasses. "Once I get things back on track you walk in and do your part, ok?" Shining nodded and Twilight marched onto stage, snagging a clipboard just as she entered the audience's view.

"Isn't that the monk-pony from earlier?" Luna asked from her seat.

"Perhaps this is that character's sister," Celestia reasoned.

"Oh yes, that would make sense."

“Are you being sarcastic sister or do you honestly believe that.”

Luna blinked. “I… don’t know.”

Twilight cleared her throat, forcing Cadence to stop her song. Deciding that she needed to make this newly written character appear a bit different from her previous role she’d taken, Twilight adopted an Iponian accent. "Excus-a me, did yousa say-a yousa wanted to fill out a, how you say, sexual harassment suit, Miss Fantine?"

“Why is she talking like Jar Jar Binks?” Pinkie Pie asked offstage.

“Who is Jar Jar Binks?” Spike asked.

Cheese Sandwich shrugged. “I don’t know but I suddenly feel the urge to sing about a galaxy far, far away.”

It took a moment for Cadence to get her bearings after the aborted song but once she did she quickly nodded. "That's right. And you are?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Its a-me, Enrico Palazzo. Now, yousa needs to fill-a these a-forms-a out. Also, you can't be a-workin' here while the case-a be a-settled. So, get out-a!"

Cadence's ears drooped. "Oh... I suppose that makes sense. Can’t have conflicts of interest and all that."

“No!” the workers cried out. “Don’t go Fantine!”

“Now now, dry your tears.” Cadence turned to the extras and bravely sang:

Cadence

Don't cry for me workers of Prance!
I am gone but I can still dance!
So don't freak out now
don't have a cow now!
I will return soon!
I’ll bring macaroons!

Twilight shoved her sister-in-law off the stage as the extras continued to sing. "What do you think you were doing? You nearly ruined the play."

"Twilight, it is important to provide young fillies with role models. I just turned Fantine from a tragic figure into one of power and determination. I think I made the play better and if you think about it you will agree with me."

"...no, I won't!" Twilight snapped.

"Oh... well, I'm not sorry."

Twilight turned away from her former foal-sister. "I suppose it would be too much to hope you were Queen Chrysalis in disguise?"

"Sorry, but she is starring in Oceanus Rex."

“Oh, Iron Will caught that performance!” Iron Will proclaimed. “She was amazing in it!”

Back on stage Shining had come on and was doing his part, waiting with nervous anxiety as Applejack, as Javert, walked over to him. He sang of his fear that she had recognized him and his hope that he was wrong. "I... suppose you are the new police inspector."

"And I know ya'r Prisoner 24601!" Shining started, not expecting Applejack to let her character recognize him, but the farm pony merely smiled. "I have ta say, I'm mighty proud of ya!"

"You... what?"

Applejack swished her fake capricorn tail back and forth, nearly cutting the scenery in half. "Shucks, you think I'd be mad at you or something?"

"YES!" Twilight screamed off stage.

"Sorry," Shining quickly said. "We have... moths. Really big ones."

"Ah. Anyway, I am mighty impressed with how ya turned your life around! You went from bein' a prisoner to bein' mayor... that is a wonderful rags to riches story." Shining rubbed the back of his head, smiling bashfully. "None of that, ya need to be proud of yerself! It’s good to see that prison taught you why you shouldn't steal and you managed to find a career you'd excel at. I mean, boy-howdy, bein' a politician? It’s practically a job requirement for you to be a criminal!"

"Well, thanks Inspector Javert! You are a wonderful police officer and I can’t wait for the two of us to work together to make this town a shining beacon in Prance."

"Shucks, don't make me blush-MMMPF!" Applejack's eyes went wide as purple magic encircled her mouth and began to force her jaw up and down.

"But now that I think about it... pardner," Twilight said, doing her best Applejack impression as she threw her voice. "I done realized that having big moths is against the law! You done broke your parole and now I'm gonna arrest ya, varmit!"

"Please, wait!" Shining pleaded. "Just give me a few minutes more."

"No way, laddie! Yas olde jail cell awaits ye!"

Spike elbowed Twilight. "You're slipping into Griffish!"

"Right," Twilight whispered before going back to controlling Applejack. "Ya best run then, varmint!" Shining dashed off stage and Twilight released an annoyed Applejack, flashing a self-satisfied smirk. "There, that should take care-"

"Oh no!" Fancy Pants, who had been in the audience. "I have giant moths too!"

"Me too!" another pony screamed.

"Quick, we need moth balls before we are arrested!"

Twilight blinked as a good 1/6th of the audience began to panic.

"No, not the moths!" Fluttershy whimpered as her friend facehoofed.