A Night of Politic

by smokeydops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 2480

Objectionable Political Content

Alright, so this Luna mare decides she needs to learn something about politics. Not just any politics, but consensus-driven politics. One might assume that's because Equestria doesn't have a lot of it. But hey, there's no objectionable content here, just a politician trying to do his job. Right? Oh, and Twilight's there. That's cool too.

Published 2012-04-28 08:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-28 08:04:01 UTC

Story

The dark alicorn of Equestria sat alone in the palace chamber. Luna had been waiting here some time for her assistant, and she was somewhat bored from it. The chamber was dim, with only a stray ray of moonlight coming in from the large window nearest Luna. She was a princess of the land; it was her duty to bring night when day had waned. Her coat and mane reflected this high duty. They were both a dark blue, and through her floating mane and tail, ever-blown by some invisible wind, a starry night sky could be seen.

Luna’s boredom brought her to the thought of being prepared for tonight. She drew a table and scrolls out from the abyss, and from the table-top took a match and lit a candle on a golden plate. After placing everything back on the table, making sure the match was out, she unrolled a scroll and began to read.

Luna’s sister had pressed Luna to become more educated after being gone for a thousand years. Luna did not contest her sister, for there was not much else to do around the palace at night. Further, for each hour of those thousand years she was gone, the ponies of Equestria continued to evolve their society and understanding of the world while Luna was stuck in thoughtless grievance. Luna understood the necessity of becoming up-to-date after realizing that she could no longer command the citizens very emotions.

So long was she gone that she knew of no diction matching fun.

It was not surprising for her sister to ask that Luna become more educated in political systems. Over the years, Equestria had developed theories on many, perhaps used, but this did not matter to Luna. Luna now wanted only to interview a participant in these many systems, and her most recent system of choice was unavailable in Equestria. The advantage to her thousand-year exodus is that she returned with a mind fresh with millennia-old information from which she accrued a way, from Fate, to temporarily summon a creature of choice into Equestria.

Luna did not so care much about Republic or Democracy, as Equestria was short on political activity. Even then, the few ponies involved in politics erroneously cowered or fled for their lives at the mere sight of Luna. She was not so terrifying, but being princess of the night carried with it a dark legend. In consequence of the same title, Luna also had access to many libraries of information, from which she had read of the theories, of the examples, and of the successes and failures. She’d read of all this in solitude. It was a shame, she thought, but she still had friends.

And her friend was late.

Luna didn’t figure that her assistant would be so annoyingly untimely, but she was still joyful when she heard slow hoof steps echo from behind her. She turned around to see a purple unicorn moving from shadow to shadow, with every step echoing loudly, and not another sound to be had other than a flicker of the candle. Luna did not bother express the joy of her broken solitude when she spoke, “We have been expecting thy presence for longer than arranged,” at which point her subject reached the entrance to the chamber, “Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight bowed. “I hope you don’t mind, Luna,” Twilight said as she lifted a pair of books out of her saddlebags and onto the table, “I was just making sure of who we were going to summon.” She trotted past Luna and over to the table to open a book and show that she had done as she said. Twilight had scribbled many, many notes over the pages, and after a glance, Luna did not bother read them. Luna seemed mildly disappointed at the discovery, but Twilight’s demeanor was still fairly happy. “Well, in the letter you sent me, I got enough information to get a good look at the timeline and the names of who we would be summoning. It’s a bit garbled, but I think our first one will be somepony named Mitt Romney.”

Luna was skeptical. “Thou means to say some one, for thou cannot know what we mean to bring forth, only that the one is of what we need but… never what we wish.” Luna seemed uncertain for a moment, then looked away from Twilight in a sort of royal disdain. “Either way, we had no intention of socializing. We reserve time specifically for such acts, and thou never attends them.” Luna turned back to Twilight and ended her remark with a slick stare, one that finally set Twilight into concern. After glancing at the book once again, Luna looked at Twilight to confirm her intentions with an expression that began annoyed but grew to a calm pleasantness. “We are still charmed by your presence, Twilight,” she joyfully spoke, “We wish to begin immediately.”

Twilight said nothing. She did not have to. Luna had written for Twilight to come to this exercise specifically for what she had done, and Luna’s correction on choice of words was all too correct. It Twilight feel as though she had done something wrong. After reading again some of her scribbled notes, she stared at the candle in a moment of reflection. The moment passed, and she turned to look expectantly at Luna.

Luna flashed determination across her face, and her horn began to glow. During the next few moments, the room was strangely illuminated, and real winds began to flow through the chamber, rustling the curtains, Twilight’s mane, and made the candle’s flame dance. Moments passed, and it seemed as though nothing had happened. Twilight was confused, but she was not concerned. The impetus of action had brought her back to confident happiness in the presence of her friend. “Luna, where’s our subject?” Twilight’s eyes darted about. She bent and turned all around as if to look for something that was not yet there.

Luna let the confused spectacle go on for a moment, and then humorously remarked, “This is travel, Twilight. We bring him here through a distance not understood. And he shall be here soon.”

Ten seconds passed. Twilight had sat still by then, and she did not seem to even perceive the happening before her very eyes. In an infinitely instant amount of time, there, before them, was now a suited Mitt Romney, sitting in a chair with his hands clasped on the table. He may have looked around, but some grace of the dice dictated that she should be calm, friendly, and strangely knowing of his surroundings. Twilight may have not understood what he was, but she knew who he was. Luna drew herself more appropriately close to the table, so as to say that she was now sitting at it.

An awkward moment passed, and Twilight grew a friendly expression. “Mitt Romney, is it?” A small nod from Romney confirmed. “Pleased to meet you, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I have some questions for you.”

Mr. Romney immediately stood up at this remark and energetically walked around the table with an outstretched hand to greet the two ponies. All the while, he conducted a cheery speech, “Hi, I’m Mitt Romney! Very nice to meet you ponies. I’m running for the 2012 Presidential Election in the United States of America, and before we begin, may I ask for your support in the upcoming election?” Twilight didn’t quite know how to regard the hand, though she quickly assumed the best and outstretched a hoof toward it. He shook it vigorously, and moved to Luna, who did the same.

And, immediately after, Luna levitated a notepad and quill out of nowhere and began taking notes. She did not say anything yet, but she was already writing that she did not think highly of this politician’s intelligence. She also noted that she thought Mr. Romney had no eyes and was baffled at how he could see.

Twilight paid no attention to Luna, and directed it all to Mr. Romney. She was just as enthusiastic as Mr. Romney as she said, “That’s just the thing, Mitt. We would be glad to help, but we have no idea why we would help. Not only that, but we also want to know why anypony would need help from anypony in an election.” Twilight conveyed a polite and knowing tone that is often conveyed in an interview; she was not confused. If there was a correct answer, she already knew it.

Luna glowered at Twilight for her choice of words. Twilight paid no mind to it.

Mr. Romney finished his round of the table and sat back down in his chair, directly across from Twilight. He paid no mind to Luna as well, who was still constantly scribbling notes. “Well, alright,” he began. “But how about you tell me about your political views first?”

Luna immediately, and loudly, interjected over any response Twilight may have had. “We are not interested in ourselves!”

Mr. Romney re-adjusted his tie, for Luna bellowed so loudly that he was knocked almost out of his chair. “All right, I’ll tell you why you should support me in the upcoming election: Because I’m Republican.” His seriousness fell flat into something of a joke.

Twilight glanced at Luna, who was as equally as amused as she was. Twilight had to stifle a giggle. “That’s it, Mr. Romney? Perhaps you should like to explain what a Republican is.” The candle danced in-between the diction.

Romney began to act a little more serious than he had before. “A Republican is whatever you want it to be. And since I am a Republican, you want a Republican to be someone who’s good with money, who supports rescuing the auto-industry, who supports a repeal of Obamacare. A good, responsible man who has a strong financial reputation and has a real good way of working out the differences in a split congress.”

Twilight may have been particularly amused before, but she was now getting a little annoyed. However, she was ever polite and friendly in saying, “You’re missing the point, Mr. Romney. What else is there other than a Republican? We can’t know what a Republican is without knowing what a Republican isn’t.” Romney motioned to speak, but Twilight rode over his attempt, “And that’s still not the point. Why would anyone need support from anyone in an election?”

Mitt Romney leaned back in his chair. Luna scrambled to scribble again; she finally saw his eyes. He looked a fair bit sarcastic, but none there could read human expression. “Okay, starlight twinkle. I need support from you in the upcoming election because I have a lot of contenders for the candidacy, and one final contender for the Presidency. Mind you, they are all the inferior choice. I am Mitt Romney, a liberal conservative.”

There is no doubt that Mr. Romney would be insulted if he read Luna’s notes at this point.

He continued. “My plans are better than theirs. I want to create jobs, support equality in the work force, fix the bureaucracy, lower taxes. I oppose abortion and support families. I believe I am the best candidate for the presidency.” He ended his speech with an enthusiastic swing of the arm and clenched fist.

Twilight did not understand what Mr. Romney was saying. Perhaps, she thought, that there was really no point to this contest of his. “I don’t get it, Mr. Romney,” she said. “If you are the superior candidate, then what is your opposition? I’m sure they think that they are superior candidates if they oppose you.” While speaking, Twilight leaned forward and rocked her head about for emphasis.

Mitt Romney hesitated a moment, and then said bluntly, “If you want to know about them, then go interview them… So, I’ve answered your questions.” He remarked the response of Twilight and Luna, who seemed to accept his point with a nod. He attempted to humble them when he asked, “May I ask for your support in the upcoming election?”

Luna put her hoof to her face. This was almost too rich for her to handle.

Twilight, however, was kind when she responded, “But how would anypony support you, Mr. Romney? And, I don’t mean just us. Anyone.”

Mr. Romney clasped his hands together and leaned back in his chair, then said, “Money would do. Vocal support is nice, but I can see it would be kind of hard to do that when I have no idea where you are even from.”

Luna brought her hoof down on the table hard in excitement, almost knocking the candle over. She did so with her white teeth clenched and visible; she was very, very annoyed. She tossed a single golden coin at Romney, which he caught. Luna remarked then, “Take a bit, and let your time here be over!”

In that instant, Romney and his chair were gone.

Twilight looked over to Luna with a smile. “So, what did you get Luna? Anything… interesting?” Luna did not seem enthusiastic, and continued to scribble through her notes until she finished a final page. She then lifted a scroll in front of her face, and read from it again. She might have been frustrated.

Moments passed again with Luna in contemplation. Finally, Luna looked to Twilight, who was long expecting a reply, “Twilight Sparkle, I believe it would have been much more informative for us to have simply summoned this… ‘Barack Osama’ and had the two in a duel.”

Twilight frowned, looked away, and solemnly remarked, “Maybe you’re right, Princess. Maybe you’re right.” She looked back at Luna with a somewhat surprised expression, thinking now to expect why, exactly, Luna may be right.

The answer was not what Twilight expected when Luna responded in an exasperated tone. “We had little choice, Twilight Sparkle, but to support this… ‘Republican’ with a single bit, for we and thee had but no other option. It was only he, and us. But We would have much enjoyed to see He duel his opponent in the election.” Twilight could tell that Luna meant what she said, for Luna’s expression was flat and her head swayed with every word as if to announce the importance of the next. She settled down, looked fondly at Twilight, and politely said, “But I thank thee for coming here to administer this inquisition, for I surely could not have withstood his illusions alone.”

Luna’s friend began to take her leave with her parting remark, “Be glad that no one has to. Goodnight, Luna,” she said with a yawn as Luna again sat facing the entrance to the chamber, watching the purple unicorn move from shadow to shadow, hoof steps echoing all the way until the exit.

Luna returned to reading her scrolls in solitude, contemplating what she had learned, if anything.