Collecting the corpses of ponys.

by Runa

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human
Length: 2920

An Urugal mercenary, Jelani, die's in the Battle of Two Rock. She then wakes up in Appaloosa before the peace between the Buffalo and the Pony's. What will happen when a magical construct wielding human is dropped into a conflict?

An Urugal mercenary, Jelani, die's in the Battle of Two Rock. She then wakes up in Appaloosa (By the will of a certain goddess) before the peace between the Buffalo and the Pony's. What will happen when a magical construct wielding human is dropped into a conflict? And what happens when the Goddess makes her her prophet?

Written D&D stile with nikolaj1998 as the player, and myself as the dungeon master. More tags as the story progresses. A Golem Arcana crossover. I do NOT own MLP or Golem Arcana.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-06 17:18:45 UTC

Prologue

“CHARGE!” Shouted the captain of my unit. I had just gotten to Tworock, A highly strategically important place between the Durrani Empire and the Gudanna Dominion. I was hired by the Gudanna, and I am now protecting the place.

I quickly take to the sky’s in my Corpse Collector, as blasts fire from Fire Rams on the opposing side. The attacks quickly taking a toll on my ‘allys’. A Jeweled Harpy quickly engages me in air combat. It swoop’s at my head, and I barely avoid getting picked out of my golem by the oversized seagull. Its claws scratch my golem a little, but nothing that matters.

"WHOA! okay too close for comfort" I growl

"well here goes" I fly straight at the harpy, ready to pound it into an overpriced piece of scrap. It quickly dodges, but get’s the same type of scratch that I did. It quickly swoops at my golems neck. I quickly try grab the annoying bird so it can't hit me, and so that I can get some payback. I manage to grab a piece of the wing, and it get’s torn. It can still fly, just very clumsily. It try’s to get behind friendly lines, and I see that enemy flyers are coming en mass. I would be quickly overwhelmed if I got hemmed in. I begin to fly away, and I almost make it. Almost. One of the Harpy’s grabs me by the wing and locks in. I quickly spiral out of control. I punch the Harpy again, and again. I manage to break it, but it’s still locked on my wing. I manage to gain enough control to land safely with the pest still hanging dead from my wing. I quickly begin to pick the harpy off of my wing, but a Blazing Dervish see’s me and begins running toward me. I just manage to get out of the way, but the Dervish cut’s off my golem's trailing wing.

“DAMN IT!” I yell. I strike the Dervish, leaving a deep gash in its side. It does not seem happy as it comes about to try to end me again. But one of my ‘allys’ in a Dune Viper comes out of nowhere and strikes the Dervish in the side, knocking it over. I come down on the Dervish as it attempts to get back up. I smash the head again and again, trying to get at the rider just behind it. That is, until a satisfying ‘crunch’ sounds, and a red smear is left on the ground. The Dune Viper’s rider quickly shout’s,

“Your welcome!” In a slightly peeved tone, as he dart’s off.

"Thanks for saving my sorry bum!" I shout ineffectually at the retreating shape.

”Well that was...... fun..... now to get the hell out of here." I start toward the distant hope of friendly territory, as some of the harpys realize that I'm not dead after all. They swoop down at me, trying to pluck me out of my golem. I move as fast as you can, my golems damaged frame complaining slightly at the effort. Then, one of the Harpies grabs onto my golem's left back leg, toppling me. I brace for my sudden but inevitable death while thinking seven words.

"They didn't pay me enough for this." Then I feel myself lifted out of my golem, and the wind starts whipping in my hair as the Harpy gains altitude. It seems they want more payback than just killing me would get. "Yep. Definitely didn't pay me enough" I begin to panic as the Harpy let’s go, and I feel the air go past. I barely have time to feel the ground, as I go ‘splat’.

   Sweet music drifts into my head. Not necessarily kind, soft, or gentle, but sweet. I haven't heard this song since I left the desert to become a mercenary. Its the song the desert sings to all Urugal born. I stay still, listening to the music. But, cutting slightly into the music, I hear footsteps approaching me. I saw a darkly beautiful figure standing in front of me, looking down at me. I recognize her as one of the most revered Urugal gods, Nimrukti, the goddess of death. I am first shocked but then I simply smile.

"So I really died then. Not a big surprise to be honest." She smiles slightly, and says,

“I have a proposition for you.” I immediately brighten up when I hear those words

“I’m listening” She sighs as she say’s,

“You can either accept the greatest gift of all, death, or you may become my prophet in a new land.” I think about it for a moment wrapping my head around both situations.

“Hmm….. I’ll be your prophet” She grins, and replies,

“Good, you will need your servant, of course. So you’ll meet your golem there. It will be in pristine condition. Just be warned that the natives might not take too well to you at first.” I chuckle slightly,

“Don’t worry. I have a way with people” She sighs at that, and waves her hand. I feel myself fading from this place, and coming back in another.

“I hope to see you soon, my servant.” Then, I'm elsewhere.

Chapter 1

I awake in a strange desert, that sings a somewhat different song than I'm used to. I look around listening.

“Where am I?” I stand up and brush myself off as best I can. I see my golem a little way’s away, and I walk towards it. I reach it quickly, and climb up into the control seat.  There is nothing that interests me around here. So I direct my golem to walk, and try and find something. I'm getting quite annoyed by the time I see a town in the distance.  “Finally!” I head towards the town in hopes of finally finding someone. As I approach, I see that little techni-colored horses are everywhere. “What the heck? Why are all those little horses almost everywhere? And why are they so weirdly colored?” What’s even more weird is that they appear to be wearing clothes. “Okay it’s official. I died and was cursed to go through insane hallucinations for the rest of eternity”

Just then, the horses seem to take notice of my approach. They start running and screaming everywhere. I sigh in annoyance. A few of them get organized, grab pie’s and start coming towards me. “........ I honestly hope they are fucking kidding me. Trying to use pies as weapons. I mean… what?” I was trying to understand the absolute level of stupidity these creatures must be surrounded by. They seem to pull slingshots out of nowhere, and start firing long distance. They have abysmal aim, but it’s the thought that counts. I sigh, facepalm, and get out of my golems control seat to approach them. They seem to get braver at that, perhaps assuming that they did some damage, and start shooting even more pies. I just facepalm at the fact they are using pies as a weapon, and just approach them. Just as I get close enough to possibly talk, one of them get’s a lucky shot. That same horse yells,

“Take that, ya beast!” I growl angrily,

“THREE THINGS! I AM NO BEAST, YOU CAN NOT AIM, AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU USING PIES AS WEAPONS!” They seem to be startled, and start whispering. They seem to agree on something, as one of them yell’s,

“What were you doing with that big monster there then!” I think for a moment, before I realize what he was referring to.

“Monster? That’s not a monster. It’s my golem. It’s not even alive!” One of them laughs a little at that, and yells back.

“Only living things move, except when magic is involved! You don't fool us!” I facepalm.

“Listen. That back there is a golem. It is a magical construct piloted by someone. In this case me. Which means it moves around and does whatever the fucking hell I want it to do. Got that!” They seem startled at that, and they whisper some more, before sending out a metaphorical sacrifice. The ‘sacrifice’ begins to approach, yelling,

“I’ll see if your telling the truth.” I sigh and walk back towards my golem,

“Sure, do as you want dipshit!” He ignores your comment as he get’s close enough to talk.

“Now show me your ‘golem’.” I chuckle.

“Got it” I approach my corpse collector and climb to the control station again.

“Now,” He, you assume he’s a he, say’s, “Do the pony pokey to prove that you're in control of it.” I look at him as if he just ate a bunch of nails.

“You do realize I have no idea what the ‘pony pokey’ is right?” He sigh’s, and demonstrates.

“You reach your right hoof in, and you reach your right hoof out, and you shake it all about.” It went on in a similar fashion. I once again look at him like he ate nails.

“You seriously want me to get a highly advanced warmachine. Build out of the bones of other creatures. To do that?” I shrug. “Meh why not” I get the corpse collector to start doing the before mentioned dance. As it went on, it was like an earthquake was in progress. The horse, or possibly pony now that I think about it, jittered about with the tremors. I laugh as I finish the dance.

“That was more fun then I expected!” The pony, horse, whatever, tottered about for a moment from the aftershock for a moment. Then he shook his head, and said,

“Alright, you’ve made your point. Follow me.” Then he started walking towards his fellow’s. I follow him, this time not getting out of the corpse collector, but being careful not to accidentally stomp on him. You soon arrive at where his friends are waiting, and they quickly gather around him. You gather from the following conversation that they were very worried when the ‘earthquake’ started. But he soon explains the situation, and they start leading you toward the town. I arrive quickly, and all the pony-things are inside their homes, as evidenced by the empty streets. They quickly take you to what you assume to be the town hall. One of them says,

“Please get out of your thingy-mabober to meet the mayor.” I shrug and get out of my Golem.

“And just for the note you can either call it my golem, my corpse collector, or my giant bone crushing machine made out of other bones……. preferably the first one” They look disturbed by the revelation as I walk inside the town hall. apparently, someone came ahead to explain the whole thing to the mayor, as he was waiting for me. I also noticed the sheriff star on his chest. Apparently, their mayor was also their chief enforcer.

“Welcome to Appaloosa, stranger. We need to discuss the terms on which you and your....” He looked behind me, where there was probably another pony mouthing its name, “Go-le-m, will be staying.” I merely shrug

“All I want is that no one touches my golem, and that no one disturbs me. Otherwise I’ll just take care of myself” He raised an eyebrow.

“But everypony need somewhere to stay. Some sort of homestead.” I shrug.

“I suppose you’re right. Plus would be nice to have a roof above my head, and a meal on the table.” He smiled as he made a proposition.

“It just so happens that we need some help with aggressors. You see, the Buffalo have been making a fuss over us planting apple tree’s, which we need to survive, on the only flat piece of ground. This flat ground, however, is part of their traditional stampeding grounds. So I would like to employ you to be our one... what are you anyway?” I merely shrug, and look indifferently

“I’m just another mercenary out for some cash… But where I’m from, I’m also called an Urugal.” He nodded as he said,

“So could I hire you to be out one Urugal army? You would have a home, and a salary.” The moment he mentioned the word ‘salary’, I immediately smiled.

“Alright then. Where do I sign up?” He smiled, and said,

“I still need to get the papers drawn up, but I will have somepony show you to your new house in the meantime. You’ll get a down payment for the first month as soon as you sign the papers.” I just nod.

“Got it. I sign papers and get payed monthly, while just doing what I do best. I can get behind that plan” He smiled and said,

“Thank you. The pony behind you, Hammerhead, will show you around town.” I nod and stand up.

“Sure.” I turn around to leave the building while thinking ‘well, this is gonna be interesting.’. I see the indicated pony, who nods and indicates that I should follow him. So I follow him out of the door, as he say’s,

“My name is Hammerhead, what’s yours?” I think for a moment

“I’m Jelani” Hammerhead replied,

“That’s an odd name. Any way, over there’s the salt bar,” You see a stallion careen out of the bar drunkenly. I smile.

“Note to self after this I’m going there” Hammerhead hears and smiles at you.

“Yep, we have the best salt licks for miles, but that’s not saying much I guess.” Hammerhead then points to a store.

“That’s the local store. It sells nearly anything that you’ll need out here. And if what you need isn't there, then you can have it ordered, for a fee.” I nod.

“Sure thing” And so went a tour around the town. Most of the pony’s steer clear of you, but a few say hurried hello’s. Then Hammerhead leads you to a slightly rundown building on the edge of town. It looks like a warehouse.

“So this is the place?” I look over the place.

“Sure is. A while back, a rich merchant thought that it would be a good idea to try and build a line of warehouses, so that she could get anything sent anywhere. You can see how that turned out.” I chuckle to myself.

“Yeah I can see that.” Hammerhead then said, “Well, I’ll just be getting back now. Its been nice meeting you.” I nod and walk inside. It’s a huge thing, I'm sure that I could fit my golem inside. It’s very dusty, and there are probably colony’s of spiders and insects, but it could be made habitable. With quite a bit of work, that is. I stretch and look around.

“Well I better get to work then.” Someone, or somepony, left a broom, but that’s all I had. I would probably need to go to the local store for the supplies needed to make this place totally clean. I sigh, grab the broom, and get to work with the basics at least. I made quite a bit of progress before Hammerhead comes again.

“Miss, the papers are ready. If you would just follow me.” I smile,

“Great. Well, let’s go then.” You follow him towards town hall. As you approach, you see that some of the local children have started climbing all over your golem. I sigh, and then yell,

“Get down from my damn golem right now!” They seem startled, and most of them run off. But two stay on and blow a raspberry at you. “Why you little BRATS!!” I walk towards them, ready to physically throw them off of my golem. They run around, dodging my wrath. But I finally catch one of them. “Now GET THE FUCK OFF MY GOLEM!” I drop that one I caught down. During the time taken to deal with that one, the other one climbs into the cockpit. Then she starts making a horrid imitation of the sound the golem makes when it’s walking. Now I am absolutely furious. I charge up towards the cockpit immediately. I grab her with much screaming, biting, and flailing. But I manage to subdue her. I drop her down so she lands on top of her friend.

I also see Hammerhead, rolling around on the ground, and laughing. I growl and start crawling down from the golem. His laughter starts subsiding, and he say’s,

“Sorry, sorry. It was just so funny.” I just sigh.

“It’s fine.” I look around.

“Let’s just get inside, so I can sign those papers.”

“Yah, let’s do that.” He leads me inside, where the mayor is ready with the papers. He say’s, “Hello again. Just sign here.” He points to a line below a wall of extremely small print. “Not yet.” I try my best to actually read the fineprint. He say’s, “Understandable. My clark loves to write subclauses in subclauses. I have a magnifying glass, if you need it.” He pulls a magnifying glass out of, somewhere. 'Where the heck did he get that?' I think before taking it, and reading the fine print. It takes twenty long minutes to read the paper in its entirety. The most objectionable thing is that they have the power to lay me off at any time. I merely shrug and then sign the paper. “Excellent. And here’s your downpay.” He pulls a small bag out of, the same place as the magnifying glass, and hands/hoof’s it to me. I gladly take it. “You can leave now. And you can go too, Hammerhead.” I nod and leave.