Wandering Legend

by Pentel123

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Discord
Length: 6191

What happens when someone arrives with no knowledge of the land they are in, a cryptic message from Discord and every scrap of media humanity has ever created

You know what happens when you place a creature in a new enviroment it adapts or dies. Well I am still here so seems I adapted. It wasn't easy what with the cryptic messages and some rather minor misunderstanding. (Hey it was delicous and I don't apologize for helping evolution in the slightest) But I have triumphed, as you can see by my humble highclass abode. Does that answer your question?

No?! Then I guess I will have to start from the beginning, sit down, sit down. Don't be surprised if we are here a very long time.

Formerly Known as Fantastic Unexpected Chais Kauses Entertaining Recountings of Shenanigins.

Published 2014-11-29 01:20:09 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-21 16:01:16 UTC

Chapter 2: The Cowncil Inquisition

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Chapter 3: Flyer Mountain

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Chapter 4: The Courtroom is Adjoured

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Chapter 5: No Verdict was Returned

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Chapter 6: Smoke Bomb

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Chapter 7: Please

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Chapter 8: Debts Serviced

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Chapter 1: No One Expects

I expected to wake up this morning. I expected to wake up in my bed, who wouldn’t? What I did not expect was to wake up in my bed falling down a vertical shaft reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland with a strange chimera dressed as an English gentleman, complete with top hat and monocle, drinking tea sitting in a lounge chair falling with me.

“Excellent, you’re awake! About time too! You don’t want to be late, do you?” The chimera said setting his teacup on a saucer and letting them go. I watched as teacup and saucer flew upwards away from us wondering if I was still dreaming.

“Late for what?” Hey, what are you supposed to ask in a situation like this, which way to the loo?

“Why, for a very important date! The start of your new life.”

“Huh?” Hey, I had just woke up! The hamster that turns the wheel in my head was still stretching at this point...

“Come now, I chose you because I thought you could handle something like this. It’s not every day you find someone who sees the world like you do, someone that can do anything, be anyone, chose as freely as you. Someone who so embraces the shades of gray that make life exciting.” It said snapping its fingers and sending everything away. Unfortunately for me, this meant I was now falling naked next to this strange creature. Hey it’s how I sleep, not like I was expecting company in my room, or wherever the hell I was.  Thankfully, the chimera snapped it’s claws (talons or whatevs...you decide) again dressing me like a hunter, complete with rifle, an antler hat, and a cameo pattern backpack. It was quickly becoming clear I had gone insane and was hallucinating all of this.

“No, that won’t do. Still, I have to hurry, there’s not much time left,” It said to itself snapping its fingers again and again causing me to go through several outfit changes, I think one even had me in a princess dress before it finally stopped.

“Much better, this should do just fine methinks.” What is seems it had decided on was a pair of hiking boot, some very comfortable socks, for some reason ABU pants, pockets filled with who know what, a light green winder breaker, blue hoodie, and T-shirt from some place called Flying Saucer. The underwear I want to note was a bit tight, form fitting, and as investigation would later confirm knock-off Underarmor. On my back was another cameo pattern backpack but this one was bigger, and definitely heavier. Fortunately this time I didn’t have a novelty hat or corset on so I wasn’t going to complain.

“Now that this is cleared up, you’re almost ready, good thing too since our time together is nearly over. “ It said once again snapping his fingers rapidly only for nothing, so far as I could see, to happen.

“Excellent, now just a few thing when you wake-up, 1: don’t panic, i.e: you are a clone, a copy of yourself, there are two of you, one that will wake-up in your bed and you, who will wake-up, well somewhere else so don’t worry about your family missing you. Pi: you should be able to speak the language.  Fish^2: be careful. Friday: don’t eat orange snow.”

This whole time we had been falling endlessly. Once he finished talking a light began to grow at the bottom. I had tuned the chimera out pretty quickly. I was busy trying to go through all my pockets, I had found an MP3 player in one, thank god it wasn’t a shitty Apple product, and a shot glass in another.

I really wish he had let me keep the rifle, then maybe I could shoot him and break out of this craziness.  Instead I was going to have to rely on the light at the end of the tunnel. God that doesn’t sound foreboding at all. Seriously what’s the worst that could happen after waking up in a setting out of Lewis Carroll imagination?

“Well if you have any questions I suggest you ask them now.” The creature said, laying down in the air. “And no, this isn’t a hallucination, nor are you insane, and you probably won’t remember most of this conversation. “

“Okay. Then tell me, if you can, if this is all for real, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” I asked serious as can be, because why the fuck not. It’s not like I was going to trust a hallucination to admit it was one. My only reply was hearty laugh coming from the chimera.

As my feet hit the light I may have heard it say, “Oh, watching you will be fun indeed.”

            Pain, pain is the first thing I remember about arriving here, that first bit came back much later, after I saw “it” for the second time. The pain was a dull throb over my whole body, when I finally opened my eyes I saw sunlight peeking through the trees a path carved through their branches, branches which I found were digging into my back. Once I got the hamster on his wheel I sat up and looked around. The wood I was in were nice, there seemed to be very little underbrush and the trees all seemed healthy and vibrant. The ones I hadn’t crashed through anyway.

When I tried to stand the unexpected weight of the backpack pulled me back to the ground. It was not a fun reunion between terra and my ass, especially not when branches decided to get involved. It of course lead to several things. Firstly panic. I didn’t know how I got here or where everything I had came from. I’d gone to sleep in my luxurious bed and dammit that is where I expected to wake-up. A perfectly reasonable expectation, a perfectly logical expectation.

The second thing was calming down and taking stock of my situation in a methodical fashion, obviously this meant talking to myself. Hey I needed an expert opinion. I started by emptying my pockets and pack. Once everything was out I took a look and whistled. I had another set of clothes just like the ones I was already wearing, plus extra socks and underwear. Three MREs, cheese omelet style, a hunting knife, a multi-tool, some flint and steel, a box of Trojans, an MP 3 with impossible amounts of music, I’m talking more than an MP3 should be able to hold, a pair of headphones, the big bulky kind with Hello Kitty on them of all things, a shot glass along with a fifth of rum, how I hate rum, a camel pack, and two Nalgene water bottles, a shake powered flashlight, a composite notebook, a pen and pencil,  what looked like a solar recharged, and the biggest thing of the lot a laptop. The laptop was a very thin affair without any logos on it.

Whoever had put me here definitely gave me everything I could need. After looking for a clue in the notebook, I packed everything but the laptop back where I had found it. Moving so I was sitting with my back against a tree I booted the laptop up, after a minute it came to a logging screen. The account name was Hitchhiker, and it was asking for a password. I tried several times with no luck, you know the most common passwords like password1, and 123456, and such before I noticed the hint.

“Always have your towel and remember ______ _______”  With that hint I was able to figure out the password pretty quickly, no I am not going to put it here in case anyone ever reads this. Once I was logged in I was greeted by a clean Windows 7 interface, and I mean clean, there was nothing on the taskbar besides the start button, not even battery life, date or time, anything. The background was a very generic Windows background, and there was a single shortcut labeled “Read Me.” Figuring it was there for a reason, I did the sensible thing and ignored it for the moment.

Instead I opened the my computer interface to take a look at what was on the laptop by going through the different file trees and seeing just how high the branches went. What I found was at once exhilarating and disappointing. The only programs installed on the machine were the most basic possible. There was however a massive amount of text files, pictures and videos all under a single folder in the documents folder titled human knowledge. After a moment looking at the cornucopia of information and finding that the search feature was nearly useless since it only searched each word individually rather than a whole phrase at once I turned to the only guide I had, the”Read me” shortcut.

Welcome to my world, I do hope you will enjoy it and have a little fun in the process. I have given you everything you need to survive, though you will have to work some to as well. After all a hunting knife is just a tool and MREs only last so long. On the laptop is everything humans have ever recorded, be it written, pictures, or movies. The MP3 has all the music. Don’t worry about battery the solar charger is quite efficient and can strap onto the backpack while you are moving. No games though, can’t have you lying about play those on no, there is so much to see and do. That’s all, go and enjoy yourself.

                                                                                                                                             -D

“Who the fuck is D?” I wondered aloud closing the laptop, standing up, and sliding the laptop back into the backpack I set off with the pack on my shoulders doing my best to find so kind of trail out of the wood I was in. It really was a nice forest. The sun shone through the branches and lit the floor quite well. The green leaves of the trees swayed with the gentle breeze that kept me cool as I walked. Birds flirted about chirping to one another as they did the things that birds do.

As the sun set on the first day I found a tree to sleep in. My first goal had been to find one that was bent over, but not once during my travels did I see one. I eventually found a large tree with low broad branches, and, with some effort, I was able to climb up and make myself comfortable. Cracking out an MRE, I ate about half of it, saving the rest for breakfast the next morning. Once I ate my fill I started going through the files on the laptop trying to organize them into different categories. I started by moving the pictures and videos into separate folders. This took a long time, even when I just sorted by file type and copy pasted instead of looking at what each one was. Do you have any idea how many videos mankind has created? It was ridiculous. That alone took most of the night before I packed everything away, strapped the pack to the tree branch and did my best to settle it.

I woke the next morning with a serious back ache, a rumbling stomach, and a full bladder. After taking care of the bladder I retrieved my pack noting that one water bottle was nearly empty and the camel back was down about a quarter as well. After eating the rest of the MRE from the night before, I climbed to the top of the tree I had slept in, hoping to get a better view of where I was. While this may seem a reckless decision, and it was, I was lost, completely clueless as the where I was or how I got there. That I wasn’t panicking is probably a testament to survival taking precedent.  From the top of the tree I saw the wood stretching out in all directions, but breaking into fields on one side. In the other direction a stone monolith rose out of the wood. I was torn. On one hand I could head for the fields, since someone would likely be maintaining them, on the other I could make for the lonely mountain, although it was more a tall hill than a mountain and get a true vantage point on where I was maybe see sign of civilization.

Taking the path of least resistance, or least effort I made of the fields. It took the rest of the day but as the sun set I made it to the fields. My water was now running low which was cause for worry. It made me wonder once again about where I was and why I was there, not good things to do when trying to focus on surviving. I needed to save such thoughts for when I finally found civilization, though perhaps things would have gone better if I hadn’t. The field was, disappointingly, empty. Even more disappointing was the lack of any kind of fencing which would have indicated it was being used as a pasture by a farmer. Fortunately, there was a stream running through it towards a decidedly less inviting forest.

Plopping down to the ground I ate the rest of the second MRE having cracked it open when I stopped for lunch. While not the most delicious, ah who am I kidding, while downright terrible, calories are calories and it kept me going. As I watched the sunset and stars come out I continued to work on organizing the files. This time I finished the video and started on Pictures, continuing the cut and paste file type method. If there was a shit-ton of video, there seemed to be even more pictures. Once the sun as all the way down I looked up to see one of the most beautiful sights I had laid eyes on. The entire sky was lit by million, nay billions, of stars a sea of beauty in the night sky, and this was depressing as well. On the horizon I could see no signs of civilization no tell-tale light pollution, nothing. Just where was I?

I wound up falling asleep on the ground that night, not by plan, but because exhaustion and mental weariness caught up to me sooner than expected. The next morning I was on the move again, eating a spartan breakfast I made for the stream hoping to refill my water, and maybe find some kind of eatables. The water was crystal clear so after a careful taste I refilled both water bottles and the camel back as best I could. I also took the opportunity to wash up and change clothes. Nothing like a cold bath to get you going right?

Now I had a choice to make. I could follow the water into the less inviting wood, or I could follow the edge of this wood and hope to find another source of water or maybe, at last, some people. Again choosing the easiest path, I followed the edge of the wood I had awoken in. It provided a sense of security as odd as that may seem.

I walked the fields rolling along a series of small hills always offering hope then dashing it. I listened to music now that I was out of the wood and had better visibility thus felt safer to not be on constant alert for some kind of animal. I tried to stick to upbeat songs to bolster my spirits. As day started to march once again towards evening I came across a beautiful sight, a herd of cattle.

One thing that struck me as odd was the complete lack of any kind of fencing. It made me wonder if this was an undomesticated herd, or perhaps very free ranging. Regardless I watched them for some time from just below the crest of the hill. I didn’t want to risk starling them and causing a stampede. I watched for a while but upon closer inspection I didn’t see any kind of brands or ear tags that would mark that as belonging to someone, but some seemed to have bells or some other kind of garment on. As my stomach growled I realized it didn’t matter, I needed food and if there owner came by I could repay him or her then.

With a course of action in mind, Operation Steak Dinner began. The first thing I did was head for the wood I had been following. Once inside I started looking through the laptop to find any works on butchering a cow, skinning, tanning, making jerky, and any other usage I could get out of the one I chose to kill. This took quite some time and the sun was down by the time I finished preparing. Despite the late hour the gnawing at my stomach prevented me from waiting till morning.

When I reached the edge of the wood, the moon shined down to reveal a calf was at the edge of the herd peeing. Though this behavior seemed strange, why not just go wherever it had been, I was no expert on bovines and shrugged it off. Since I knew that carrying the calf away from the herd would be a challenge, and I didn’t want to butcher it among them for fear one would see me and panic I used my flashlight to lure it into the wood. Much to my fortune it showed curiosity in the light and followed it deeper into the wood. Once I was close to where I had set my pack I turned it off and waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark, before circling in close to the calf. With great care I took out my knife and came up behind but along its side, so it couldn’t kick in case it saw me. Then with great care I leaned over its neck and made a quick cut along its throat. The calf struggled for a second then fell to the ground as its life blood seeped into the ground.

Gouda was standing near the edge of the herd revealing her bladder, her mom had made it quite clear that going inside the herd’s sleeping area as a guaranteed way to be punished. As she finished she noticed a strange light coming from Whitetail Wood. It looked like a star dancing in the trees. Though her mom had been clear that going into the wood alone wasn’t allowed the light enticed her drawing her inwards. As she moved closer the light started skipping away, dancing up and down as it moved. Gouda hesitated for a moment before continuing after the light. She had heard tales of wish granting stars and their strange powers it was possible this was such a star.

After following for what felt like hours the star stopped then disappeared. Gouda looked around, but realized she had no idea where she was or how to get back to her herd. She was about to cry out, to call for help when she heard a twig snap. She looked around listening for where it had come from but saw nothing, her eye adjusting very slowly to the dark, and her ears heard nothing else. The silence made it even worse. Usually insects and owls provided a nightly concert but here and now there was nothing.

The hair on her neck stood up something was standing over her, had crept up without her hearing it. Its eyes, such small eyes, shown with hunger. Its mouth was draw back to show rows of sharp white teeth. Its forelegs wrapped around her neck. Suddenly, something sharp bit into her flesh cutting into her neck. She tried to scream, to cry out, to beg for mercy but it was too late its claw had done its work.

Cold she felt cold even as something warm trickled down her front. The dim lights of the night were fading her eyes losing focus. Her final thoughts were of apology to her mother for her disobedience, and hope that this creature would leave her herd be.

Applejack was enjoying her day. She woken early that morning and been the first vendor to market setting up her cart and preparing her wares before the others. This had given her an opportunity to stop in at Sugarcube corner for a hot drink and something sweet to treat herself with. As Applejack returned to her stand doughnut and hot chocolate in hoof Mooriel came running through the market disrupting the morning peace.

“GOOUDA, GOOOOUDA! WHERE ARE YOUU GOOOUDA?” Mooriel called out her voice already raw.

“Whoa now Mooriel what in tarnation is going on?” Applejack asked confronting Mooriel and during her best to calm her down.

“Gouda, my daughter, has gone missing. She was there when we bedded down last night, but this morning she was gone. Nobovine in the herd has seen her. I have to find her before something terrible happens.” Mooriel said running through the streets calling out for her daughter once again. This racket woke many ponies, bringing them to the street to investigate the source of the disturbance.

“Mooriel, where did ya’ll bed down last night?” Applejack asked running alongside the distraught heifer. If this kept up there was going to be too much of a commotion for her to make any sales.

“We were- on the edge- of Whitetail Wood- in the pastures- over there,” Mooriel said coming to a stop to catch her breath.

“Well have ya reckon she might have run off into the wood, have ya’ll checked there yet?” Applejack asked hoping that this was just a case of a calf getting a bit curious before her herd woke up.

“Of course, but we couldn’t find any sign of her.” Mooriel said indignantly offended Applejack would think they wouldn’t check the obvious place first. Applejack nodded like she agreed but wondered just how deep into Whitetail they had checked.

“Okay, hows about you come with me to town hall. Most everypony in town has heard you already and is probably heading there anyway. You can explain what is going on and we’ll help you look for Gouda, how does that sound?” Applejack asked knowing that the wayward calf would need to be found and quickly to prevent the cows from causing the trouble of another stampede or similar incident. Days like this made her wonder if the trying to be the first to market was worthwhile.

“Okay Applejack let’s go.”

It took two days, a ruined pelt, and some nicks but the sound of beef sizzling was sweet melodious music to my ears. The fire was the easy part all things considered. Flint and Steel may not be very efficient for starting fires, but it works. Fortunately there were some rocks in the area; enough to make a fire ring and a large flat one to use as a griddle to cook strips of the meat. The meat on the other hand had been a true challenge worthy of ballads and opera. I found a book on the laptop that looked like it was intended for butchers from the turn of the 20th century. Using it as a guide I was able to carve up the calf I had killed.

Now I had strips of meat I was cooking, several larger pieces on a spit set up high that I was trying to smoke so as to preserve them, and a pile of bones tendons, and ligaments that I was hoping to be able to use to make something useful. I remembered something about ancient societies using such to make rope and other tools. With any luck, and perhaps some divine help I would find something about that on the laptop, but that was a problem for another day. With the meat cooking and a nearby stream to cook me water I finally had time to think about my situation.

       Before now, I hadn’t be able to serious think through my current predicament. Sure I had given it consideration, but survival needs and constant motion prevented me from thinking hard on it. Now, with a supply of food and water, I could now give it the attention it deserved.  Whoever put me here, wherever here is, obviously had plenty of resources. The laptop alone was a marvel and seemed to be very much a custom job. The fact the clothes where all my size was slightly disturbing. Worst of all though was the complete lack of civilization. Wherever I was the climate was very nice, so where were the people taking advantage of it. The herd of cattle suggested that there was someone somewhere, but there were no marking on them that I saw or on the calf I killed. There hadn’t been any planes overhead or sounds of civilization. No trash on the ground or markings or signs of travel. That suggested wherever I found myself was untraveled land. If so who had put me out here, how, and why? With those nagging thoughts on my mind I continued working on my dinner. Perhaps there was enough of the skin left to make a bag.

            For three days search parties had searched for Gouda but found nothing. They looked in Whitetail Wood, the fields, and those brave enough in the Everfree and Foggy Bottom. Gouda was nowhere to be found. As the sun set on the third day Hazelnut Spice and Moozzarella made another foray into Whitetail Wood. A Pegasus had reported smoke rising near where Gouda was thought to have gone missing, though deeper into the wood than any group had gone before.

”I am just glad we are heading into Whitetail instead of the Everfree. I still can’t believe that some ponies went into that dreadful place. I don’t care how wild the filly is they’d never go in there,” Hazelnut thought a she trotted along keeping her eyes open. Moozzarella trotted beside her calling out Gouda’s name every now and then but mostly just keeping her eyes peeled. Hazelnut felt her hooves land in something damp and sticky. Glancing downward she started to scream, even in the dark light she could tell she was standing in a large pool of blood.

        “What’s wrong-,” Moozzarella asked before seeing the blood her screams adding to the mix. Once they had screamed themselves hoarse they started to recover.  As Hazelnut’s heart slowed down, she took a better look at the puddle she was standing in noting there as a trail in the blood as if something had been drug through it.

“Moozzarella, I think something moved whatever was bleeding off in that direction. Do you think we should check it out?”

“It woould be best,” Moozzeralla said softly noting that whatever was dragged from here was large enough to be Gouda. Shaking badly the two of they walked along the blood trail until they came to a small clearing. On the other side of the clearing a pair of bushes blocked a light source that gave it an eerie orange glow.

            In the center of the clear entrails lain in one of two piles. Gouda’s head rested at the top of one, her face set in an expression of surprise.  Gouda’s hide hung from the crook of a split tree mostly intact, but ragged and jagged on the edges with the occasional hole marring it. The rest of Gouda carcass was carved up with limbs and chunks of flesh hacked off.  Moozzeralla started screaming first defecating as she comprehended what she was seeing. Hazelnut was too horrified to scream instead she ran behind a tree and began vomiting.

            A strange Minotaur like form burst into the clearing from the bushes. Naked with sparse fur mainly focused on its head, under its arms and around its groin. It grinned wickedly at Moozzeralla who fainted where she stood falling to her side. Hazelnut looked up from her vomiting to see the form standing over Moozeralla poking at her. When it looked at her she saw it’s two small eyes go wide and its mouth open wide revealing four sharp teeth. Rather than wait to see what it had in mind for her she ran as fast as her legs could carry her.

Why aren’t I moving? She thought as the monster moved closer to her. Run! Damn it! Run! Hazelnut’s body refused to listen to her desperate commands paralyzed by fear as it closed in on her. It stood over her, looking down at her. She started to hear sounds coming from it as if it was talking to itself. Was this monster intelligent? Was it going to chop her up as well, seasoning her and singing about it the whole time like a Grendel from the foalhood stories?

“Please don’t eat me,” She muttered over and over again with her eyes closed. She felt it lean down its warm breath tickling her fur. Then it shot away falling to the ground screaming. This broke Hazelnut out of her stupor. Whatever the thing was something had scared it. Fear of what could scare a monster like the one before her was all she needed to trigger her previously frozen flight reflexes. She ran as fast as she could deeper into the wood hoping to escape the nightmare she found herself in.

       I took a dip in the nearby stream and was washing my clothes when the sound of frighten mooing came from the area I had used to butcher the calf. I ran back passing through my little camp and found a cow standing at the edge of it with a large pile of shit behind it. The cow seemed to faint when I appeared falling over on its side. I went over to it and poked the cow to see if it was indeed out. Since I didn’t need more meat anytime soon, it would be worthless to kill the bovine now, but I would need some in the future.

Perhaps I will can use the tendons, ligaments, and intestines to make some rope and bring her with me. I wonder if I can get milk from the udders. As I was thinking over my options I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye. Standing and turning to see what it was. In the shadows, there was a four legged animal with large eyes and a very round head. As I got closer I noticed it had a mane like a horse, or maybe pony would be more accurate. It cowered as I got closer, not that I blamed it given the setting she found herself in.

“Hey there, little girl are you okay?” I asked softly. “Are you with the cow over there? Did ya’ll get lost from your owner?” As I crouched down I heard a voice. I saw the pony’s lips moving and leaned in. There was no way the voice could be coming from the pony right?

“Please don’t eat me,” The pony was saying. The Pony Was Saying. I jumped back falling onto my ass and started screaming. How is that pony talking? Ponies don’t talk! The pony ran off into the woods I started to chase after it only to trip on the entrails pile and lose sight of it.

Twilight was up early at the Ponyville Town Hall as the search for the missing calf entered its fourth day. She had been busy organizing search areas and patterns while Pinkie Pile organized the earth ponies, Rainbow Dash the Pegasi, and Daisy Jo the cows. Four days was a long time for any search to go on. The longest in the town record was two days. She had had time to check the town record as one team had yet to report in. It was an Earth Pony/cow team of Hazelnut Spice and Moozzeralla that had gone to search Whitetail Wood. It was expected that an Everfree forest team might be late to report in, but a Whitetail Wood team, that was ridiculous. Yet here she was waiting for just such a team to arrive.

A screaming voice cut through the boredom. “Monster! There is a pony eating monster on the loose.” Twilight burst outside to find Hazelnut running through the streets creating a panic. Twilight grabbed her with her magic and brought Hazelnut over to herself.

“Hazelnut calm down. What happened? Where is Moozzeralla?” Twilight asked as a crowd formed around them. Hazelnut was silent for a moment her lips trembling before she broke out crying.

“Dead, just like Gouda, the monster is going to eat her just like it did him. Butcher her up, hang her skin from trees and litter the ground with her insides,” Hazelnut said through the tears that came streaming down her face. The crowd broke out shouting. Demanding detail. Demanding answers. One enterprising pony set up a stall and began selling pitchforks.

“Hazelnut you are scaring everypony. Please, calm down and walk me through what happened start to finish,” Twilight said sternly, the agitation of the crowd scaring her.

“We went into the Whitetail Woods at sunset, just like we were supposed to, heading to the smoke that had been spotted. At one point we came across a puddle of blood. Both of us screamed when we realized that was what we had stepped into. Once we calmed down we noticed a trail of blood leading away from the puddle. We followed it to a clearing. That’s where- that’s where we- that’s where we found Gouda all chopped into pieces. Moozeralla started screaming again and I ducked behind a tree to puke. When I looked up a strange beast was poking Moozeralla’s body that was laying on its side. It came up to me whispering to itself some kind of curse that held me in place,” Hazelnut said, growing hysterical at the end.

By now the crowd was turning to a mob and the pitchfork seller was doing very brisk business despite the early hour. Twilight saw Applejack among the customers and fought back the urge to call her out on the spot. Instead she focused on the hysterical mare before her. “How did you get free?”

“Something scared it, making it fall down and start screaming. That broke whatever weird magic it was using to hold me in place. I started running and haven’t stopped yet,” Hazelnut said directing Twilight attention to her legs that were still flailing about. Before Twilight could respond the crowd starting shouting out.

“There is a monster on the loose, it must be stopped!”

“Call the guard!”

“What if it followed her?!”

“Leave her outside the town and call the guard.!”

“We should kill it ourselves!”

“If there is something that scares it then it’s not that powerful.”

“Eat at Sugarcube Corner!”

“Buy some apples!”

“To Whitetail Wood!”

“Slay the beast!”

“Somepony call Gaston. No one is as good a tracker as Gaston.”

The crowd started marching off when Twilight cast a shield spell to block them. “Now wait just a minute. There is not going to be any vigilante mob style justice happening this morning.”

“Thank you Twilight,” Daisy Joe said working her way through the crowd she had been fighting against. “Now I will thank you very much if you will let me speak with Hazelnut alone.”

“What? Hazelnut needs to rest! Maybe see a psychiatrist...”

“I am afraid not. A calf is dead, another of our herd was abandoned to the same fate. If there is something eating bovine flesh the Cowncil must be informed.”

“Surely, you can’t be serious. They will want to send an Inquisitor and that would be a violation of the Concord.”

“Noo, it wouldn’t.  So long as the Inquisitor is not hunting a pony he may operate as needed to protect bovine interests. Please turn over Hazelnut, I promise you no harm will come to her,” Daisy said as two rather large bulls took up positions on either side of her. "And don't call me Shirley."

Twilight sighed before releasing Hazelnut to Daisy’s care. “I don’t like this and the Princess will be hearing about this.”

“I have no doubt. Hazelnut I need to ask you a few questions please come with me into the town hall. I think we can talk much more safely there than elsewhere.”

The crowd slowly dispersed, the mob mood broken, listening to the exchange between Twilight and Daisy about politics none of them understood having done the trick. As most of them set home, Applejack walked up to Twilight with a guilty smile.

“Hey Twi, what the heck is an Inquiswhatsit?” Applejack asked, trying to avoid the conversation about her most recent purchase.

“Bad news Applejack, very bad news. Now let’s talk about you buying a pitchfork,” Twilight said, grabbing Applejack ear in her magic and marching off towards the library with a struggling Apple farmer in tow.