Chapters Which is the best place to do what you want without being discovered? Underground. And more deeply one goes and better it is. No noisy neighbors, no space problems and no possibilities of a bird doing his businesses on your head. Also, if you have particular aesthetical preferences, nothing wrong comes to build your lair next to a crystalline lake or even a magma vein. These are just the most common examples, but there are lots of possibilities. The only problems is the lack of sunrays, but that can be a minor problem if you can get used to it.
All these benefits, however, never crossed the mind of the owner of the place: the lair were only corridors with bare steel walls all around a huge central hall. It was more like a military base than a place where someone could live. The only "decoration" was an underground river, but it was merely used for water supplies, sewer and free electric energy. In the face of the stupid tax exactors who hardly look deeper than one kilometer down the surface. The owner, as a little joke, put the highest point of that nearly 1km in diameter facility precisely 1001 m deep.
Your next question may be something like "who is this guy and what does he do in such a place?" and that's exactly what I'm going to tell you, just shut up and read, will ya? I promise I'll get there – eventually – just let me do it at my own pace.
Now, where was I? Ah, yes…
In that huge place, only two things were moving: a big robot and a printer. The first one was tall, a tiny head, a round-shaped body made of some brown ceramic-like material and long and thin limbs made of flat portions of the same material of the body that intersected with each other making it look pretty unstable. It was preparing tea next to the printer, which was printing like crazy something that looked like a report or an essay several hundred pages long.
Like two perfectly synchronized clocks, both the machine finished their work at the same time with a loud "PING". The huge robot took the tea and poured it in a bent metallic cup, then took both the cup and the pile of pages and left the room.
A short and straight corridor led to a thick-looking security door. Unfortunately, the door was too small for the body of the automata, but fear not, a laser beam from between its eyes and a bigger passage was cut through the thick steel wall. It just had to enter while the metal was still hot and, after that, mold the wall back into shape with his precise robotic hands. The result was pretty much identical as before. Then, it turned around to face the center of the room: there stood a circular structure about five meters in diameter and an impressive amount of machines, computers and monitors. All of them were going full throttle providing the right amount of energy to the big... let's call it "circle" for now. That room alone was around 70% of the whole facility.
The silent automata stayed at safety distance while the energy was building up and the circle started emitting flashes of blue light. The flow of energy stabilized and a bigger flash beamed across the whole room. After that, a humanoid figure was standing in the middle of the circle while it was cooling down. He was a tall middle-aged man dressed as a pirate with a bloodthirsty look on his scarred and beardy face. His clothes were burned and worn out and but it was hard to tell if they were red to begin with or they have been colored in… alternative ways.
“YARRR! I'mma back, bitches! Hey Ping, long time no see, ya rusty piece of mothafuckin' junk! Gimme ma tea, hurry! Ma body's all stiff for all tha' pillaging and ma old wound's achin'!”
The obedient Ping, that was the name the master gave it, gave the cup to its master who grabbed it and gulped it down fast. Then, he threw it right at the automata's head with a loud clanging sound.
“BLEARGH! That's horrible! I come back after all these years and you still can't make a decent tea, you useless robot! I'm going to take a shower and read the report, you prepare everything for my next departure.”
Shouted the man in a sudden surge of normal speech after the pirate talk from before.
The robot nodded, then made a "PING".
“Of course I'm leaving again! That was number ninety-nine, do you know what that means? Just one more and I'll be the supreme ruler of one hundred universes! At last, my final goal is at hand. Put this in the Souvenir Vault and set the coordinates.”
He put a little squared object from his pocket to the robot's hand and left the room. The metallic servant checked the item: a compass, a broken one. That was strange. The master was not the kind of man to bring back home some random junk. Usually he brings back something strange, really important or even embedded in some powerful (and dark) magic. Maybe it was some kind of incredible artifact?
The robot was a product of ancient technology, it couldn't understand magic. Someone could say it didn't "like" it, but Ping was not programmed to like o dislike things, so that would be an incorrect statement. Everything the master brought through the Gate of Infinite Worlds (alias, the circle) was his property and no law was ever written to go against that. A classic of jurisdictional loopholes in multidimensional robbery: nobody that doesn't exist in a the same dimension can be persecuted for any crime.
The diligent machine pressed a few buttons to start the process. When its master was away, it had already found a new universe to conquer. This one was quite strange, even for their standards. Someone could say Ping hoped for the master to like it.
When the master came back, he was… completely different. Where before stood a pirate with sunburned skin, now was a young man not even in his twenties with pale skin, long raven hair and grey eyes dressed with just a grey jersey and a lab coat. The difference in appearance was stunning, but the reason is not a simple shower: since conquering one hundred universes in only a lifetime was obviously impossible, one of the master favorite Souvenirs, as well as one of the first things he ever brought back with him, was a medical pod taken from a technologically advanced world which rejuvenated him every time he desired. That way, he didn't have to worry about something like a time limit. Thanks to that miraculous item, years of pirate life just disappeared from his body, scars and wounds included.
“That was good. Soap and shampoo really are two of humankind greatest inventions. Now, what do you have for me this time?”
His eyes went to the monitors, checking every number and graphic at incredibly fast pace. An evil smirk appeared on his face while he approached the main computer.
“Oh ~ sounds good. Never seen such high levels of Magic Ratio. This world sure looks perfect to be my one hundredth kingdom. Maybe I can have the inhabitants build a giant statue in my honor once I'm done with them. I just hope it's not like THAT one world…”
The last part was said while giving an inquiring look to the robot which answered raising both hands.
“PING”
“You checked? Good. I don't want another crazy adventure with metamorphic dogs, candy people and a idiotic teenager.”
“PING”
“…are you being sarcastic with me? I don't remember reprogramming you for sarcasm.”
“PING”
“Oh, that's right, I did. You were really boring before, but now you can be also annoying.”
“PING…”
“Why don't you open the portal instead of sulking? I'm eager to start. This time I'm going at full power, that place won't last a week against all the powers and artifacts I've gained so far. I'm going to bring… the Pouch.”
He showed the object he was talking about: a simple white pouch. What was so special about it? Well, it was an… involuntary gift from a cat without ears. It was able to summon everything inside the Souvenir Vault just by putting a hand in it and thinking of the object itslef, no matter the distance or even the dimension. The master never used before because "otherwise it would be too easy", until now. It was totally overkill.
“PING”
“Fuck the cooling and detoxification time! I'm going now!”
The young man ran to the portal securing the Pouch to his belt.
“Activate the measures for safe landing. Pinpoint coordinates for densely inhabited location. Check inter-dimensional communications. Stealth transfer mode… deactivated.”
“PING”
“Why go secretly if I'm going to release hell immediately after? Deactivate it.”
“PING”
“I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Ready? Charge the electromagions, increase the angle and speed of spin and begin the countdown.”
Once again the blue flashes began to light the big room like if it were in the middle of a lightning storm. Many lines and numbers on several monitors started to get crazy.
“PING”
“I don't care! Go on!”
If it were able to get worried, Ping would have done so. You don't need a several exabites powerful processor to know that the word "ALERT" written pretty much everywhere is not a good thing.
“PING”
“ALL ABOARD, YA STINKY SCOUNDRELS!”
The flashes got brighter and faster and then the biggest one came. For a moment everything was completely white and blue, then silence fell and the master was gone.
The mental schemes of the metallic servant immediately suggested to start maintenance to find the source of the problem. Even if all the blueprints were memorized in its hard disk, it would have taken two to three weeks to check the whole system and repair eventual damages. Now that the Gate was at zero activity, Ping was not even sure if the Pouch was able to work without a subtle channel of electromagions to connect it with their dimension. Hopefully, the master wouldn't need any help until repairs were complete.
But, God, he really needed it.
It was the time for the Summer Sun Celebration in Equestria and the whole Canterlot was brimming with excitement for when their ruler, Princess Celestia, would rise the sun for the longest day of the year. The preparations for the ceremony were right on schedule and the town on the side of the mountain was more beautiful than usual under the perfectly clear weather granted by the efforts of the pegasi.
The last train to the capital of the pony kingdom was arriving at the station leaving behind white clouds of smoke. The scream “Canterlot station, end of the line” echoed together with the screech of the brakes and several ponies came down, but one group stood out from the rest for two main reasons: the huge pile of luggage following them and that the one carrying it was a little purple dragon with a green spines.
“Spike, you’re a real gentlecolt to carry all my luggage by yourself” – said a white unicorn with a purple mane to the little fire breathing creature.
“N-No problem, Rarity. I may look little, but I’m s-strong” – muttered in response the little one struggling under the weight.
“Why did you bring all that stuff anyway? You can’t wear all those dresses in just two days!” – pointed out a flying blue pegasus. Her mane was the strangest of them all: it looked like she dived into a rainbow and stole all the colors from it.
“Oh, but they’re not all mine, Rainbow Dash. I have a few of them for each one of you! You’ll need one for the ceremony, one for lunch, another one for dinner…” – she started to explain with extreme discomfort of the Pegasus.
“Ya really think all of tha’ is necessary, Rarity? I think we’ll be fine with just one” – said a mare with orange fur, blonde mane and a cowboy hat.
“Nonsense, Applejack. A true lady wears a different dress for every event” – replied in shock the unicorn.
“Sugarcube, I still think they’re too many…” –
“PARTIIIEEEEESS!!” – screamed a pink pony with a mane of a slightly darker shade of the same color while sliding on her hind legs and throwing a bunch of streamers everywhere “How many parties do you think there’ll be?! One?! Two?! A bijillion?!! I sooo hope it’s a bijillion! What do you think, girls, which one is better: a bijillion parties or one mega-super-fant-spectacular-party!?!”
“Pinkie, as I told you for the WHOLE trip, “bijillion” is not a true number” – intervened another peculiar one. She had purple fur and she was the only pony around with both the horn of a unicorn and the wings of a pegasus, which made her an alicorn.
“And a bijillion parties you’ll have, Twilight” –said the pink one with an extremely serious look on her face out of nowhere. She then ran off disappearing somewhere before any of her friends could say anything.
“Do you think she’ll be fine?” – asked a yellow pegasus with a pink mane in a really feeble voice, but she was immediately reassured by the one called Twilight.
“Don’t worry, Fluttershy. It’s Pinkie Pie we’re talking about and there’s no safer place than Canterlot, especially when my brother is here. Oh, I can’t wait to see him and Cadence, it’s been too long.”
All of them missed the kind princess of the Crystal Empire and her valiant groom Shining Armor, Twilight’s big brother and captain of the royal guards. The last time they saw them was right after the defeat and imprisonment of the centaur Tyrek after he tried to take over the kingdom after stealing all pony magic. From that day, a few weeks had already passed and everyone was dying to know if they... well, we’ll get there.
“Let’s hurry. Before meeting my brother we have to visit the Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and there’s not much time before din”
A loud scream interrupted her making everyone jump in fright.
“LET’S PARTYYYYYYY!!!”
For a brief moment none of them could understand anything, but they were suddenly covered in confetti and something was poking out of their luggage.
“Pinkie Pie!? How come you’re in one of my bags? No, wait, how did you get in there?!”
The pink mare smiled happily before taking out a tray full of cupcakes from the very same bag she came out from.
“It’s the first of the bijillion parties I prepared for you. Here are cupcakes for everyone, look forward to the next one!!”
She dived into the bag, but when Rarity tried to check inside she was nowhere to be found…
“Classic Pinkie Pie” – stated Rainbow Dash.
From an underground lair to the highest of the skies. He was kinda surprised when he opened his eyes and found himself in the middle of a gray wasteland with the planet he was trying to conquer looking at him from above. Between him and it, there were JUST several thousand kilometers of empty space.
“So much for “safe landing”. This is the worst anchoring ever…” – grumbled.
Just a minor problem. Probably just an interference between magions and electromagions during the transfer. Why did he even asked for a safe landing, anyway? He could survive a volcanic eruption without a scratch, what could the mere absence of oxygen or a trip to the moon do? He may look like a weak scientist, but his body was peerless too.
He tried a couple of jumps to estimate the ground and how his body responded to the inferior gravity and found the results satisfactory, but even better than that, he also found traces of a moon civilization. Many rocks were scraped forming letters and long texts… in English?
“Lucky me, I don’t have to learn a new language! What’s this? “1001 Ways to Make Celestia Pay”? Wow, some of those are intriguing, it’s a pity the vocabulary sounds so old.”
He couldn’t help but find them… strange. There where words like “hooves” and “mane”, was this Celestia a horse? Why killing a horse? What could have she done to make a moon civilization desire to kill her?
“Well, I wasted enough of my precious time. I better get going.”
He crouched flexing all his muscles and then just jumped. There’s no atmosphere or sound on the moon and so there was no wall of sound to break, but the surface cracked for a mile under the extreme strength of his leap. He would have reached the planet surface in a few hours without even sweating.
Now that he noticed it, that fall would have been surely been the highest leap of faith ever done before. He laughed maniacally thinking of how his old friend Ezio could have reacted knowing that his personal record had been utterly destroyed.
A few minutes before, in Canterlot
The six mares and the little dragon were being introduced in the throne room where the ruler of Equestria was waiting for them. Anyone could guess her role even without the golden crown on her head: she was much taller than any other pony, her fur was shining white like snow under the sun, her long, pink, green and blue mane was flowing like waves even if there was no wind. Big wings, a long horn and soothing purple eyes full of motherly warmth completed her imposing figure. She was an embodiment of wisdom and power who every pony in Equestria loved and respected.
“Welcome to Canterlot, Princess Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. I’m so happy you and your friends could come” – welcomed her from the high throne with a sweet smile.
“We would have never missed the occasion, Princess Celestia” – replied the unicorn walking to the throne.
She then noticed something strange: even if she and her friends were walking towards the throne, they weren’t advancing one centimeter. Well, except for Rainbow Dash, but she was flying, not walking and Spike had the worst luck to be the one carrying all those luggages.
“What the hay!? The floor is sliding!!” – exclaimed the pegasus realizing the situation from above.
“How’s this possible?!” – echoed Rarity.
They tried to increase the pace, but so did the floor and so everyone started running full speed.
“Fluttershy, hurry up and fly!” – called out Rainbow.
“I can’t! It’s too scary!” – cried the yellow one.
“Whoopsie!” – exclaimed a playful voice from nowhere. The sliding floor suddenly stopped making them almost crash at Celestia’s hooves.
“This voice… Discord!! That’s not funny!” – shouted the purple princess.
“Oh, you should have seen the look on your faces” – chuckled the one called Discord appearing in the middle of the room with a flash of light.
That was one hell of a strange creature: a chimera with a pony face, a goat beard, a snake tail and an incredible variety of limbs that included a lion one, an eagle one, a lizard one and an antelope one, but also a bat wing, a pegasus wing and two horns from different animals too. Truly a crazy combination, but that would only be expected by Discord, the Lord of Chaos and spirit of disharmony.
“Discord, what did I tell you about playing this kind of pranks in the castle?” – reprehended the white Princess.
The draconequus frowned.
“Discord, you can’t disturb other ponies while you stay here” – he repeated with a bored voice without looking at her.
“Exactly. Then why did you do that? You scared your friends.”
“But… but it looked so funny I just HAD to…” – he started before being interrupted.
“Does it look like they are laughing?”
“…no.”
“It’s wasn’t that scary. I’m sure he was just trying to greet us… in his own way” – said Fluttershy while standing up trying to help the draconequus.
Discord immediately livened up.
“See? She has good sense of humor, unlike you all” – said making a giant sign with written “BFF” appear out of nowhere pointing to the yellow pegasus “Hurray for Fluttershyuahyouhouhouh!!”
His body suddenly had a big twist and started to wobble.
“Whoa, that was weird, but don’t think I’m not gonna make you pay for this joke, you hear me?! Come here so I can sweep the floor with you!” – said Rainbow Dash flying towards the foe, but Discord was already prepared and tied an iron ball to the pegasus tail with his magic. That way, no matter how fast she flapped her wings, she would have stayed anchored to the ground.
“You big-!!”
“Hush for a second, will you Rainbow Dash? I’m trying to concentrate here.”
A little snap with his lion paw and the whole roof became glass.
“Whoaaaaa, so pretty… Glass Roof Partyyyy!!!” – screamed Pinkie.
“Discord, you’re going too far!” – exclaimed Applejack.
“Wait a minute, darling. This is actually marvelous! I’m sure holding a gala in such a magnificent hall would be the greatest hit of the season” – said Rarity with gleaming eyes.
“Hush now, I’m trying to concentrate here” – said the Lord of Chaos scanning the night sky with both his eyes transformed into a pair of binoculars - “Strange…”
“Do you mind explaining yourself?” – inquired Twilight stomping her hoof.
“You do remember I have the ability to sense magic disturbances, do you? I just felt one far above our heads, but I can’t see anything strange.”
“I appreciate your concern, Discord, but would you mind turning my castle back to normal?” – asked Celestia with her tender voice.
“Aw, come on! They say they like it!!”
“Discord…” – repeated the monarch.
“Uff! Fine” – he snapped his paw again and everything turned back to normal in a flash.
“And free Rainbow Dash” – added Twilight.
“Nope. She was mean to me and my feelings are hurt” – protested the draconequus with an exaggerated sad expression.
“WHAT?!” – screamed the trapped pegasus still trying to fly even with her tail stuck like that.
“She must say she’s sorry or else she can stay there for the rest”
He was immediately stopped by a hoof on his mouth. It was Fluttershy’s and the normally shy pony was giving him a really hard look.
“…or maybe I can take an example from the generous Rarity and forgive her like good friends do, right?” – he laughed awkwardly under those strict eyes before freeing the mare.
Seeing that as a good moment to intrude, the white alicorn stepped near them to settle the discussion.
“I think it’s enough emotions after the long trip. Go to your rooms and rest well before the celebration starts, I’ll send someone to call you.”
“Sure, Princess. Just… can we see my brother first?” – asked Twilight hopefully.
Celestia smiled, already knowing the reason for that request.
“Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor will arrive tomorrow after the ceremony. Unfortunately, something unexpected kept them in the Crystal Empire. Who knows, maybe it’s because of the same thing you hope to hear.”
The mares left the throne room a little sad for not being able to immediately satisfy their curiosity but full of expectations for the day to come. Rainbow Dash gave a little advice to the draconequus before passing the big door.
“Watch your back, Discord. I’ll prank you so hard you won’t even know what got you…” – hissed the pegasus.
“Try me, Rainbow Crash” – taunted him in respond with a chuckle.
Discord and Celestia were alone now. The chimera gave her a crafty look before he started to slowly float around her in circles.
“How cunning of you, sending them away before hearing the whole story. Not willing to let Twilight hear the truth, are you? Such cold attitude towards your precious student…”
“She’s still a novice princess. I don’t want to increase their burden. So… is it some kind of menace you felt from the moon?”
“Oh? So you felt that too. Though I can’t say I know the answer. It was really quick, but it was definitely very powerful. By the way… are you sure it’s not just your cute little sister Lulu being all rebellious again?”
“Hold your snake tongue. She’s no more Nightmare Moon, but my beloved sister” – answered the princess with an hint of rage in her voice. She didn’t like to remember the old and painful days of Luna’s exile and Discord’s insinuation definitely touched a nerve.
The draconequus smile widened a little.
“Of course, so silly of me to think that. Then, what do you suggest we do? Stop the celebration?”
“No, we cannot spread panic. I’ll have my guards put up a magical barrier. It won’t be as strong as Shining Armor’s, but still better than nothing.”
“Please, who even needs that? I’m here, I’m Discord, the Omnipotent Lord of All Things Chaos, do you really think there’s anything I can’t deal with?” – boasted the draconequus with a mid air flip that made the monarch smile in gratitude.
“Thank you, Discord.”
“You’re welcome. You sure you don’t prefer the glass roof?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, you want it or yes, you don’t want it?” – insisted.
“Leave it as it is, Discord.”
“…fussy.”
Things Don't Always Go Smoothly
As Celestia promised, the mane six were called in time for the ceremony. Twilight was escorted onto stage to assist, while her friends had to watch from the first row in the crowd. The square in front of the castle was full of ponies and everyone was eager to see the princesses. Many of them didn’t sleep that night just to be sure not to miss the event and take the best seats… not that there were actual seats, but you know what I mean.
Twilight’s role as a princess in the ceremony was a mere formality, so she was spending her time watching all the ponies around her and couldn’t help but find strange that there was an unusual amount of guards and they all looked kinda absent-minded. No, they were weren’t distracted, they were just… staring at the sky?
“How odd” – she thought trying to follow their gaze, but found nothing.
“Is the moon of your liking tonight, Twilight Sparkle?” – said a voice from behind startling her.
“Princess Luna! I didn’t hear you, you scared me” – apologized the purple alicorn with a humble bow.
She was an alicorn like her and Princess Celestia, but the fur was dark blue and her flowing mane was like a corner of starry sky. Unlike her sister she looked strict and intransigent, but Twilight knew how childish she could be and her social awkwardness (one thousand years of exile to the moon don’t help). However, in such events her calm and composure sure were regal and her power to control the night and relinquish the nightmares of her subjects made her truly a powerful pony. She wasn’t Celestia’s younger sister just for show.
“The ceremony is about to begin. Try to look more dignified in front of our subjects” – she said in a stern tone.
Twilight lowered her head under her gaze. For a moment she thought the princess was angry with her for some reason she didn’t know, but then she noticed her bloodshot eyes and the nervous tic in her left eye.
“Princess Luna… is everything ok?”
“Of course everything is alright! Why shouldn’t it be? It’s a feast, right?! Everypony is happy, RIGHT?!” – she asked with a devious smile that made the younger princess flinch.
“…yes?” – she answered trying to be compliant.
“Then why does somepony have to mess with US?!” – said the blue mare nearly shrieking at the end.
She was really starting to lose her cool and that was really strange. She acted crazy only once before, during the first Nightmare Night after her return, but this time it looked like something really made her angry.
“Was somepony rude to you? You can tell me if it helps making you feel any better.”
Her words seemed to strike some kind of target. The night princess looked puzzled like someone waking up from daydreaming, or like realizing she did something she wasn’t supposed to do… or tell.
“Rude? To me? Not at all. Sorry, Twilight Sparkle, forget my words.”
“But you said before that somepony messed with you…”
“N-Never said such a thing. Now, if you excuse me…”
“Where are you going? We’ll begin in any moment.”
“Exactly. Who’s going anywhere? Surely not me.”
This time it was Twilight’s turn to be puzzled. Just to be sure, she checked if Pinkie Pie was in the crowd and she wasn’t talking to her friend in disguise. No, she was waving at her. That made the situation slightly more disturbing.
“Princess Luna, are you sure…”
The sound of trumpets interrupted her question before she could finish it. Princess Celestia came onto stage with her big wings wide open to welcome the cheer from all the ponies in the square. The other two princesses immediately posed the same way, but the distraction gave the opportunity to Luna to slip away from Twilight who peeked at her with eyes full of suspicion.
“She’s hiding something from me. I don’t like it, but I don’t want to invade her privacy. I’ll stick to ignorance… even if I really don’t like it.”
She didn’t like being left apart from things. It reminded her of the time when she still had to find her role has the Princess of Friendship and all she could do was smile and wave, stuck in measly businesses during every official event. She was hurt at that time and in that moment she was feeling the same way. Even in that moment, what was she doing? The Summer Sun Celebration is an event where the two royal sisters lower the moon and rise the sun to celebrate the longest day of summer, what was her point for being there? Of course she understood that, as a princess, her presence was also important but Cadence wasn’t there and she never attended any Summer Sun Celebrations in the last years. She knew it was selfish since she was facing some important problems in the Crystal Empire, but she would have loved to have her sister-in-law with her. As she watched the two royal sisters float in the air and lighting up their horns to move the two greatest celestial bodies in Equestria’s sky, she couldn’t help but feeling a little useless in comparison.
“No need to get all depressed, Twilight. After this, Pinkie Pie is surely going to throw a party and you’ll have tons of fun with the girls. Just wait until later and everything will be just f-”
“WHAT THE HAY IS THAT THING?!!” – somepony shouted from the crowd.
It was purely on instinct that she watched towards the sky. As soon as she heard the scream, somehow she knew the danger was coming from above. And there it was: a bright light, like a second sun, getting bigger by the second. However, if that thing looked like a blazing meteor, the fear struck the young princess making her whole body like frozen on the spot. Something in that cataclysmic event took her breath away and not in the good way. It was something ancestral and powerful: the fear of death that filled her body with the wish of running away.
Doom was watching her from above like a vengeful deity and for a moment she truly thought to see something like a couple of cruel and cold grey eyes staring at her.
She heard the distant cries of the crowd and an angry hiss behind her, but every sound was cut off by the fear. Everything turned white… and then came the bang.
The fall was proceeding smoothly. The barrier he put around his body was easily keeping the flames at bay, but it was meant only to preserve his clothes. Of course they weren’t normal clothes, but burning them would have been a waste and he had to look a little bit dignified in front of his new slaves. Nobody would respect an half-naked man. That could bring unwanted mockery, a thing that had the bad habit to push his worst switch. Cities were burnt to ashes because someone told him the wrong thing at the wrong time, but he promised not to do it again. Three different times.
…
…
Well, people do say that the third time is the good one, but it was better to be cautious.
He tilted his head like he was listening to something. Faraway cries reached his ears announcing his sighting, but he was more interested in what his head was telling him: he was detecting a lot of pretty powerful magical auras and a very powerful one. So many powerful beings in one point could only mean two things: either there was a war or some kind of celebration, and since no one was already shooting at him the second option was most likely the right one. Or maybe they were still too confused to react.
“Tsk, boooring. Alright, how much do I destroy on the first day? I think killing half the population of the first city I see could send the right message to the rest of them. I’ll vaporize them as soon as I land using the strength of the impact and then I’ll go with the usual routine. Sigh, it has become too easy over the time.”
He would have liked to take it easier and have some fun, but he wasn’t there to do some sightseeing, not that time. Still, a little research could have been interesting.
“Maybe they have a new way to use magic I could learn or maybe some cool exotic animal to raise and genetically modify into a bloodthirsty beast. I still have to try out that project of the rabbit-monkey with laser claws…”
However, his thoughts were interrupted by something. His eyes caught a glimpse of something colorful between the flames. It was red, yellow, blue, green... like a rainbow. His mind labeled it as impossible. The air around him was scorching from the air friction against his barrier, there could be no water to form a rainb- and there it was again, and again, then suddenly there were four of them and they kept increasing.
“The fuck…? But I’m sure I didn’t drink anything before setting sail…” – he asked himself in disbelief.
Probably the reason was that the humidity in the atmosphere was really high. Nothing to worry about. Still, there should have been a lot of humidity to create fift-… sevent-… so many of them and certainly there were no laws of optic that could explain the way they were trying to wrap around him.
His first thought was that someone was attacking him. The second one that the attacker was either a child, an homosexual or a deluded adolescent girl. Who the hell uses rainbows as weapons?! It’s idiotic and unpractical. Better teach him or her a good lesson about who was the top dog from that moment on.
The barrier protecting him doubled its width and completely surrounded him leaving no weak spot. That kept the rainbows from touching him hence he relaxed again waiting for the fall to come.
That’s when he looked up to the sky and froze. The shocking reality his eyes were showing him literally blew away his scientific beliefs and logical mind. He had travelled to many universes, but in each and every one of them some things never changed because there were undeniable rules which keep every universe in check.
One of them are the laws which dictate how celestial bodies move. Exactly the thing he was witnessing being completely overthrown: the previously completely still moon started moving one way and the sun to the opposite one, like if they accelerated on their own only in that precise moment.
“THAT’S MESSED UP!!!” – he screamed completely taken aback - “I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE ONE IN CHARGE OF THIS UNIVERSE!!”
It may not look that shocking to most people, but he was a scientist at heart and to someone like him the laws of physics were vital… and he was watching them being kicked right in the balls.
That’s why he lost his concentration for a moment and one little rainbow got inside his defense. After that, everything got pretty crazy.
Twilight Sparkle felt the blanket texture over her fur, a killer headache splitting her head. She moaned through the pain and her dry mouth only to be suddenly assaulted by something… pink.
“OH MY CELESTIA, TWILIGHT ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! My tail started twitching like never before and we all thought the world was going to end, at least I was thinking that, and then everyone started screaming and running for their lives flattening Canterlot to the ground!! Then there was the zombie apocalypse and alien pies took over Equestria imposing the Martial Law of Deliciousness by singing a song about raining colts and HALLELUJAH!!”
She knew that voice, but the amount of information left her speechless for a second. Pinkie was standing on her bed keeping her face so near to hers that her eyes were the only thing she could see.
“What?” – she groaned in confusion.
“But don’t worry, except that you didn’t miss anything important. Now I’m going to join the Resistance. Hasta La Equestria Siempre!!” – she stated before running out of the door in her usual hopping style.
With her random friend gone, the violet princess was able to look around the place. She was in her room in the Canterlot castle and nothing looked out of its place except for the headache. The curtains were closed, but she could see a little ray of light passing through so hopefully Equestria did not fall while she was asleep.
But why was she there? What happened?
Her memory came back to her unlocked by her questioning.
“The Ceremony… GIRLS!! PRINCESSES!!” – she screamed jumping off the bed.
That turned out to be a bad idea when her head started spinning. She would have fallen if a blue magical aura hadn’t appeared to support her followed by its caster in a nurse outfit.
“Twilight, darling, you shouldn’t put such a strain on your body after collapsing like that. Here, let me carry you to your bed” – said her friend Rarity with voice full of concern.
“But… the meteor… the Resistance…” – moaned the alicorn in protest.
The white mare looked puzzled.
“What are you talking about, sweetie? Did you have a nightmare perhaps?”
“B-but Pinkie…”
“She’s downstairs throwing the ‘Twilight Is Awake Party’” – she let out a sigh – “It’s the seventh party today. I think she’s really going to throw a bijillion of them and it would not sound so strange if we actually knew much a ‘bijillion’ is.”
She didn’t seem worried for anything except the conditions of her friend so Twilight calmed a little and listened to what Rarity had to tell. The Ceremony ended without any problem and the longest day of summer was shining on Equestria as bright as it was supposed to be. The only two strange things were the strange fireball in the sky and Twilight fainting as soon as the first phenomenon disappeared.
“Disappeared?! How?”
“Nopony knows, darling. It was there and the moment after that it exploded in a huge Sonic Rainboom. At first we thought it was some kind of fireworks, but the Princesses and the guards looked shocked as much as the crowd. It was exactly after its disappearance that we saw you unconscious on stage. My Celestia, we were so worried about you…”
Twilight, however, wasn’t listening to her anymore, absorbed in her own thoughts. She fainted from fear like a little filly in front of half of Canterlot, her friends and both of the Princesses. The embarrassment alone was enough to hope that the meteor – or whatever it was – had fallen on her head instead of vanishing into thin air.
‘Vanishing into thin air’, the phrase made her wonder if everything was really as easy as it sounded. All the overwhelming fear she felt right then, was it really caused just by the spur of the moment?
“Rarity, can I make a question?” – she asked softly.
“But of course, darling.”
“And you have to answer me sincerely.”
“I’m not Applejack, but you can be sure I won’t lie to you” – assured her with a smile.
The princess gulped.
“Do you think I fainted because… because I’m weak?”
The unicorn looked a bit surprised at the question and she didn’t answer immediately. However she understood that her friend needed some support, so she moved beside her and sat on the bed putting a hoof around her.
“Darling, nopony can judge you if you were a little… oversensitive. Don’t worry, you weren’t the only one. Just between the two of us, I think Fluttershy nearly died of an heart attack. And you should have seen Rainbow Dash’s face in front of that enormous Sonic Rainboom! She spent the next three hours mumbling about some ‘showoff pony who stole her best move’” – she giggled remembering all of that.
Twilight did the same. It was totally like her pegasus friend to feel competitive about something like that. Still, it wasn’t that the biggest reason she asked that question.
“I get it, but... did the Princess say anything? I let her down in such an important event, she must be mad at me…”
“So that is what’s on your mind? Worry not, darling, Princess Celestia only thought of your well being. She’s the one who carried you here, you know?”
Twilight shook her head.
“It’s not about that, I know the princess cares about me. It’s just that… I showed such a weak side of me in front of all those ponies and I’m afraid I let everypony down. Now that I’m a princess, I’m always scared of what ponies around me think of what I do or say. My action can have meanings I cannot even imagine and that simply scares me. What if me fainting was a problem for somepony else? What if it happens again when there’s a problem I’m expected to solve?!”
Rarity hugged her. That stopped her ranting before it could escalate.
The white mare knew very well of how her friend cared about being reliable for whoever came to her seeking help, be it a spell, a book or simply an advice.
“There there, Twilight. Nopony will think less of you because of such silly little thing. Look at me, I faint all the time and it’s not like ponies hate me. Au contraire, it’s really classy for a lady to faint every now and then. Now, give me a big smile or Pinkie is going to get mad at me after I insisted to be your nurse.”
The purple princess hugged her back, happy to have a friend like her around.
“Thank you, Rarity. I feel much better now.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie. Now lay under the blankets. I’ll call you as soon as your brother and Princess Cadence are here.”
“You’re right, this headache is killing me. One more thing… where did you get the nurse outfit?”
That definitely struck a nerve.
“The nurse outfit… yes… as I told Applejack, a lady must have a dress for every occasion. It’s as simple as that, ahah…” – answered the unicorn suddenly being conscious of her white dress.
“You mean you actually expected somepony to get hurt and you’d treat him? That’s actually really well thought” – said the princess a little impressed by her friend’s organization.
“Well… not… exactly.”
“Then why?”
“For now, let’s just say a mare can have her reasons to bring a nurse outfit with her when she goes on a holiday. Ehm… nopony can tell when it could be of use.”
That only made Twilight more confused. She knew some pieces were missing from the picture, yet she couldn’t imagine what these pieces could be.
“I still don’t get…”
“Now, look at the time! You better rest or you won’t get better!” – exclaimed Rarity with a hint of urgency in her voice.
She pushed Twilight down and tucked her blankets in a hurry before giving her a little white pill with a glass of water.
“Drink this and sleep well, darling.”
Still a little bewildered by her friend’s behavior, Twilight obediently gulped the pill and drank the water without making any other questions. The whole situation was pretty unclear in her head, but she felt positive nonetheless and that was a good starting point. Surely everything would have been better after she got rid of that annoying headache with a good sleep.
“And I’m so sleepy right now… the medicine must be really… effective…”
Next thing she remembered was being woken up by a screaming Pinkie Pie: her brother and sister-in-law were there. Oh, and for some mysterious reason Rarity was not wearing her nurse outfit anymore. How strange.
On the other side of Canterlot
One of the most powerful beings of the multiverse was in the middle of a fierce battle against reality. What does that mean? Well, everything began when he woke up with an excruciating headache. It had been a long time since he felt pain of any sort, so, more than the pain, it was the shock that baffled him.
“I just arrived and I’m already suffering! This world seems to be more dangerous than it looks. Now…it looks like I’m in a hospital room. Probably I passed out after that freaking rainbow accident. There’s light from the window and I can see buildings, hence I’m not in some sort of dungeon. I don’t sense any magic around me too.”
They probably didn’t think of him as a threat. That meant he was free to begin his rampage!
However, the world had other plans for him (AGAIN). The door of his room opened and the creature that walked inside caught every last bit of his attention: a unicorn with grey fur, green eyes and mane of the same color dressed in a doctor coat. He had a reassuring smile on his face and the stethoscope was dancing around as he walked in.
“Oh, you woke up! How are you feeling? My name is Hoofsmith and I’m your-… are you ok?” – he asked.
His patient nearly had his eyes out of his skull.
“…THE FRIGGING UNICORN IS TALKING!!”
“Mmh… maybe the dosage was a bit too much” – said the creature.
His horn glowed of green light and his medical records flew from his bed to him, levitating in front of his eyes. That puzzled the poor omnipotent being even more.
“THE THING IS DOING MAGIC AND I DON’T FEEL IT!! WHY CAN’T I FEEL IT?!!”
“Poor fellow, you must have hit your head pretty bad in that accident. Tell me, what’s the last thing you remember?”
“I’M THE ONE MAKING THE QUESTIONS HERE AND YOU GIVE THE ANSWERS!!” – screamed the guy jumping off the bed a walking towards him till he was face to face.
The doctor began backing, impressed by the sudden even if not violent aggression. Not yet.
“Now now, I understand you are confused, but there’s no reason to-”
“SHUT UP!! ” – he looked around the room, then turned again to the scared doctor - “WHERE IS MY POUCH?! TALK, OR I’LL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND MAKE A PAIR OF SLIPPERS WITH YOUR COAT WHILE YOU WATCH ME DOING IT!!”
The doctor gulped. He was relatively new to the job and till then he hadn’t met any aggressive patient. This one, however, looked like he could really pull of his threats.
“P-Pouch?” – he asked while backing off until the door.
“YES!! A POUCH!! THE THING YOU WEAR AROUND YOUR WAIST! IT’S WHITE AND LOOKS EMPTY!!”
“I-If you had it with you w-when you were found, then the nurses must have it…”
That calmed the patient a little. Just a little. He still had that really dangerous looking glare. Really, if glares could kill somepony, that one could get him crushed by a stampede of elephants.
“Good. Now you bring me to the nurses, give my Pouch back and nobody gets hurt… for now” – he threatened poking the doctor’s nose with his index.
At least that’s what he tried to do. Poking a nose with a finger is kinda difficult if you don’t have the raw material. And no, I’m not talking about the nose.
“WHERE ARE MY FINGERS!?!?” – he screamed ever more freaked out than before.
He began to check every corner of his body with eyes filled with horror. Every limb, flank, tail or hoof looked to him like some terrible and hairy insect crawling onto his body.
“I’M A FUCKING HORSE!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?!” – he shouted grabbing the doctor’s collar.
The poor physician was on the verge of crying. That crazy pony was going to kill him as soon as he got out of university and started working. He only wanted to help poor ponies, he didn’t want to die!!
“HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!” – he screamed opening the door and running away.
“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING!?! I DON’T LIKE BLOOD ON MY SLIPPERS!!”
The pursuer followed after the terrified physician, but the first attempt to walk on his hind legs failed quite resoundingly and his face met the floor giving him pain for the second time that day. Quite strange since he got down the bed without any problem before. He was suddenly made conscious of his new body and was not sure of how to move it: every signal from his brain got lost on its way to the muscles. He needed a few seconds to stand up again and then he tried to run after his prey… with poor results and a lot of really peculiar and sea-related imprecations.
The ruckus was so great a lot of ponies poked their heads out to look what was happening.
“I’LL TEAR YOUR LIMBS APART AND USE THEM AS BAIT TO FISH SHARKS AND THEN I’M GOING TO HIT YOU TO A BLOODY PULP WITH THE SAME SHARKS!! I ALREADY DID IT AND I CAN ASSURE YOU I ENJOYED IT!! ”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”
Nonetheless his poor running abilities, at some point he was able to corner the doctor. It was in that moment that the security ponies, lured by the screams, arrived to the scene and tackled the omnipotent overlord of ninety-nine universes.
What did he do in that dire situation? To the audience, it looked like he tried to puff them to death shouting something along the lines of “why aren’t you burning to a crisp?”. Well, that was something to tell their friends and families that evening.
