Vinyl and Octavia Join COBRA

by DoctorSpectrum

Rating: teen
Tags: Octavia, Comedy, Adventure, DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 13997

Vinyl and Octavia need new jobs after escaping from prison. Luckily there's a super cool organisation who are more than happy to have new meat shields join!

Vinyl and Octavia have managed to escape from prison, but now they have nowhere to go... or at least, they think that they don't, until they discover an offer from a local organisation to join them. Can Vinyl and Octavia survive their first mission as COBRA Troopers, or will it be the end for the duo?

The Vinyl and Octavia Series
1. Vinyl and Octavia Machete Their Way Through the Jungle
2. Vinyl and Octavia Move House
3. Vinyl and Octavia Get Incredibly Drunk
4. Vinyl and Octavia are Forcibly Shipped
5. Vinyl and Octavia Fight Ten Thousand Ninjas
6. Vinyl and Octavia Have Multiple Dates
7. Vinyl and Octavia Engage in Roleplay
8. Vinyl and Octavia in 'Dial D for Detectives'
9. Vinyl and Octavia Duel Destiny
10. Vinyl and Octavia Bust Out of Prison
11. Vinyl and Octavia Join COBRA
12. Vinyl and Octavia Break the Timestream
13. Vinyl and Octavia Rob a Casino
14. Vinyl and Octavia's Freaky Day
15. Vinyl and Octavia Jump the Shark

Published 2014-11-30 17:40:11 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-29 13:12:50 UTC

Chapter One: What Could Go Wrong?

It was a hot afternoon. Octavia the Earth pony was reading a newspaper at a table in the small apartment which was, for now, her current home, but every few minutes she had to stop to drink from a glass of water, or alternatively, refill it. Between the hot sun beating through the glass door which led to the apartment’s balcony and the lack of content important to Octavia in the paper, it wasn’t long before she was frustrated.

“Damn it all,” she muttered, flipping the newspaper closed as she realised how little attention she was paying to it. “I wish that there was something to do, aside from –”

BANG! Octavia was interrupted by the sound of a door slamming open, causing her to flinch and jump slightly in surprise.

“Huzzah!” came a voice from the entrance to the apartment. “Good news, Octavia!”

“Vinyl Scratch,” said Octavia, scowling as she faced the apartment door, where a white-coated unicorn had just entered from, “do you have to slam the door as you come into the apartment every single time? It is loud and unnecessary.”

“Sorry, babe,” said Vinyl, walking over to Octavia and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. Vinyl had two saddlebags on, which she levitated off with her magic. Opening them up revealed an assortment of fruit and vegetables inside which Vinyl began moving into cupboards. “I didn’t mean to slam the door, it’s just that I was really excited!”

“That’s what you said last time,” pointed out Octavia. “And the time before that, and the time before that.”

Vinyl shrugged. “Yeah, well, those times I was excited to get home to see you, wasn’t I?” she asked.

“So you’re saying that this time you’re not excited to see me?” teased Octavia. “I’m shocked, Vinyl. Hurt, even.”

“Ah, you know that I’m always excited to see you, sexy,” said Vinyl, grinning. “But this time I’ve got something that’s actually pretty damn important! And cool, too, that’s also important.”

“Well? Stop keeping me in suspense, Vinyl,” said Octavia.

Vinyl levitated the last of the food out of the saddlebags and into a cupboard. “Feast your eyes on this!” she said, using her magic to grab something out of one of the saddlebags.

“A…poster?” Octavia wondered out loud. “Is there a musician in town whom you wish to see?”

“Nah, although that would be cool. I was heading home from buying food – obviously - when a group of nice ponies who I passed down an alley gave it to me,” said Vinyl as she unrolled the poster for Octavia to see. “Then they said something about creating anarchy and ran off. Read what’s on it.”

“Sick and tired of the dictatorship we live in?” Octavia read aloud from the poster. “Want to make a difference and get more ponies like yourself into positions of power? Want to join an organisation that doesn’t care what you’ve done or where you’re from? Join COBRA today!” Beneath the text was a picture of a pony wearing blue robes – including a hood covering his face – looking proud. There was also an abstract cobra head behind him.

“Well, what do you think?” asked Vinyl. “Since we escaped from jail and made our way to Manehattan a month or so ago, we’ve been looking for decent jobs where we can avoid the authorities – this looks perfect.”

“Do you know what this job even involves?” Octavia asked, squinting at the poster, particularly the first line.

Vinyl shrugged. “I dunno, something involving looking after snakes or something. Who cares? The thing that got my attention was where it says that they won’t ask about our pasts. So far, the jobs we’ve gotten here have all been short-term so that nopony realises that we’re escaped criminals – even though we were framed for the crimes which we supposedly committed.”

“I know all of this, Vinyl,” said Octavia, rolling her eyes.

“Naturally, this has left us without much money, since all we’ve got has been what we’ve earned here in these various short-term jobs,” Vinyl continued, not listening to Octavia. “And we don’t dare return to Canterlot because the authorities will probably be watching our house – which we would have lost anyway since we haven’t paid rent on it since we were arrested. It’s a good thing that Natural Twenty moved all of our essential belongings to a storage facility before we were arrested, at least.”

“What’s your point, Vinyl?” asked Octavia, sounding impatient.

“My point is that we can’t go home and we can’t keep moving from job to job here like we have been – we’re not earning enough money, and we’re going to be recognised by somepony eventually,” Vinyl said. “A job like this, where all that we have to do is show up and we get good pay for what’s probably easy work, without anypony questioning us? That’s exactly what we need – then we just need to hang out in Manehattan until the heat is off us and head back to Canterlot, either to move back there or just to pick up our stuff and bring it here.”

Octavia looked sceptical. “How do we know that this job is going to be everything you think that it will be? This poster is very vague.”

“Have some faith,” said Vinyl, shrugging. “It’s not like they’re going to be terrorists or anything – with a name like COBRA, you know that you can trust them!”

“I suppose that it would be good to have a decent job,” mused Octavia. “Any idea what we have to do to join this organisation?”

“There’s an address to head to, here on the poster,” said Vinyl, pointing to some fine print on the bottom of the poster below the picture of the pony wearing blue robes. “I guess we can show up there and see what this is all about.”

“And you still have no idea what this job or organisation is about?” asked Octavia.

“Eh, it can’t be that bad,” said Vinyl. “Like I said, COBRA’s a name you can trust!”

“I suppose it is,” agreed Octavia. “And if the job doesn’t sound all that appealing once we’re there at the recruitment office, we don’t have to take up the offer. We could always just….”Octavia faltered. “Contact Natural Twenty about borrowing some money?” she suggested.

“That’s only the worst-case scenario,” said Vinyl, grinning. “Don’t worry, Octavia – all we have to do is head to the recruitment office of an ambiguous organisation called COBRA and tell them that we want to join them!”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds incredibly easy,” said Octavia cheerfully. “I’m sure that there is absolutely nothing that could go wrong with this plan!”

Chapter Two: The Commander

“Yo Octavia, you want to hear something cool?” asked Vinyl. It was the early the next morning, and the two ponies were heading to the address mentioned on the poster, walking by the river to get there. Although there were some ponies passing by them every now and then, for the most part the streets of Manehattan were abandoned.

“Oh? What is it?” Octavia replied.

“Well, you remember how when we were in prison, using my genius intellect and the miniature sub-woofer I’d snuck in – the Chekov’s Gun model – I was able to break us out of our cell?” Vinyl asked. “Well, I was thinking – the sub-woofer was pretty helpful there, yeah?”

“Certainly,” agreed Octavia. She stopped for a moment to let a pony canter past her, possibly on their way to work. “The guards didn’t detect it on you on our way into the prison, and I was surprised – but pleased – when you were able to use it to blow up the lock to our cell.”

“Exactly,” said Vinyl, grinning. “So, with that in mind, what would you say if I said that I had picked up a new sub-woofer? Since you never know when it might come in handy and whatnot.”

Octavia was slightly surprised, but couldn’t deny that Vinyl had a point. “Good thinking, Vinyl,” she said. “Is this another of the Chekov’s Gun 5000s?”

“Nah, I got an even better model!” said Vinyl. Looking at Vinyl, Octavia could see little signs which she had long ago realised was evidence of Vinyl getting excited – her tail flicking every few seconds excitedly, a slight spring to her step, and talking a bit faster than usual. “The model I got is the Red Herring 10,000!”

Octavia smiled, pleased to see Vinyl in such an excellent mood. “Red Herring? That’s an odd name for a sub-woofer,” she commented.

“Yeah, it is a bit funny, isn’t it?” agreed Vinyl. “But who cares? I’m sure that the Red Herring will come in handy at some point, and I’ll try and modify it so – hey! I think that’s the building!” The two ponies had arrived at a warehouse located on the Manehattan docks, which, if the address on the poster was correct, was where they were supposed to go for recruitment. Hanging outside the warehouse was a blue banner with the same abstract cobra head which had been on the poster on it, along with some guards wearing blue robes.

“Well, shall we?” asked Octavia after staring at the warehouse alongside Vinyl for a few more seconds.

“Sure!” said Vinyl Scratch. The two ponies trotted up to the entrance, only for one of the guards to put out a hoof, stopping them in place.

“Halt!” he said. “What is your purpose for coming to this secret warehouse, the hidden headquarters of COBRA? Are you aware that the purpose of COBRA is supposed to be a secret, and that you should not be here?”

“It won’t be a secret for much longer if you keep shouting like that,” Octavia muttered under her breath.

“Uh, hi there!” said Vinyl cheerfully, not hearing Octavia. “We saw one of your posters, and were hoping that we could –”

“So, you are here to crush the reigning sovereigns beneath the poisonous hoof of COBRA?” interrupted the second guard.

“We, uh…” Taken aback by the question, Vinyl looked to Octavia, who could only shrug. “Um… is there any chance that we could talk to –”

“No! Hail COBRA!” said the first guard angrily. The second guard rolled his eyes.

“I keep telling you, that’s not our damn motto,” he said. “You’re mixing us up with that other group.”

“Oh yeah, Dave? Well why don’t you say our stupid motto, and you’ll remember why I keep saying the other one!” the first guard retorted.

“Screw you!”

“No, screw you!”

In the argument between the two guards, Vinyl and Octavia had naturally been forgotten about. Shrugging to Octavia, Vinyl waved a hoof to try and grab the guards’ attention. “Excuse me?” she said, slightly louder than she would normally speak. The guards ignored her, still arguing incessantly to one another.

“Well, what now?” asked Octavia, looking slightly confused by what was in her opinion a petty argument.

“Beat them up and force our way in?” Vinyl suggested. “I’ll take the one on the left – if I throw him into the water, then you can –”

“Vinyl, what are you talking about? No!” Octavia exclaimed. “We’re here to apply for jobs, not to beat up the employees of the organisation which we’ll hopefully soon be working for.” There was a moment of silence. “And anyway, I should fight the one on the left – I can throw him further than you can, so it’s easier for me to get him into the water.”

“Is that a challenge?” Vinyl asked, smiling as she braced herself to charge at the guard on the left, who had just been punched by the other guard.

“Excuse me,” came a new voice from behind Vinyl and Octavia, “but who exactly are you-”

“-two?” finished a second voice, incredibly similar to the first. Vinyl and Octavia spun around. Behind them were two ponies – unicorns with white fur and black manes, wearing white suits. They would have been identical, if it weren’t for one of the unicorns having a large scar down his cheek. “And why are our guards beating each other-”

“-up?” finished the unicorn with the scar. He winced as one of the guards spat out a tooth.

For her part, Vinyl was amazed. “You two – you finish each other’s sentences!” she exclaimed. “How do you do that? Is it some sort of psychic connection?”

Both ponies chuckled. “Not really,” said the unscarred unicorn. “We just practice a –”

“-lot.”

“Can you believe that, Octavia?” Vinyl gasped. “That’s so-”

“-awesome?” finished Octavia smirking slightly. Vinyl looked shocked.

“Octavia? When did you get a psychic connection to me?”

“We are the brothers Xamot-” began the scarred unicorn.

“-and I am Tomax. I- I mean, and Tomax,” finished the unscarred one. “Now…”

In unison, the brothers asked, “Who are you two and what are you doing here?!”

“Sirs!” Vinyl jumped as one of the guards – this one sporting a bloody nose which hadn’t been there a few minutes ago - approached Xamot and Tomax. At the entrance to the warehouse the other guard was on the ground, completely still. “These two ponies just arrived a few minutes ago. They said that they saw one of our posters!”

“Is that so?” Xamot said, raising an eyebrow. Turning to Vinyl and Octavia, he said, “In that case, you two can go –”

“-away,” finished Tomax. Xamot frowned and shook his head, eliciting a confused look from Tomax. “…Inside? Seriously? I – I mean, inside. You two can go inside.”

“Huzzah! We got inside the building!” cheered Vinyl as she and Octavia headed towards the warehouse.

“True, but we still don’t know what exactly COBRA does,” Octavia pointed out. Turning back to Tomax and Xamot, who were following her and Octavia, Octavia asked, “Excuse me, but what should we do once we’re inside?”

“Sit down with the rest of the troopers,” instructed Xamot. “You’ll receive further-”

“-instructions,” finished Tomax as Vinyl and Octavia entered the warehouse. The main area of the warehouse had a group of ponies sitting on chairs, facing towards a currently-empty stage. The two brothers walked off into a corner somewhere, whilst Vinyl and Octavia sat on the nearest chairs.

“Well, I suppose that the only thing to do now is to wait and see what happens next,” said Octavia, straining her neck to see over the crowd.

“You have fun doing that, Octavia,” said Vinyl. “I’m gonna get some networking done; meet some of the ponies who could be our bosses in the future.” She turned to her right, where a golden pegasus was sitting. “Hi! I’m Vinyl Scratch!” she greeted.

“Death to the princesses!” replied the golden pegasus.

“Death to the princesses, to you too!” Vinyl returned friendlily.

Octavia had overheard them, and winced. “Vinyl, what was that?” she asked.

“What was what?” asked Vinyl innocently.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Octavia said. “Are you and that pony planning to murder our benevolent rulers?”

“Nah, don’t stress it, Octavia,” said Vinyl. “I figured I’d just return her somewhat-weird greeting, that’s all. The ending of our Pony Tales campaign aside, why would we – or anypony, for that matter – wish to harm the princesses?”

Octavia nodded, satisfied with Vinyl’s answer. “You’re absolutely correct. I would be amazed if a single pony here wished to overthrow Celestia and…” Her voice trailed off as a new thought occurred to her. “Vinyl, what the guards said outside as we approached…”

Vinyl shrugged. “Maybe it was a test, to see how we’d react?” she suggested.

“I suppose that’s the only rational answer,” agreed Octavia. “It’s not as if-”

Octavia was interrupted by a drumroll coming from somewhere. At the same time, the crowd of ponies started cheering and stomping their hooves on the ground. The source of all of this soon became apparent – the pony in blue robes from the COBRA poster was walking up some stairs to the stage. From what could be seen of his coat, he was navy blue. Other than that, his features were obscured – it was impossible to tell what race he was, and his cutie mark was covered by the robes.

The pony stood on the stage for a short while, before holding out a hoof to silence the crowd. The noise died immediately. “You all know who I am,” he began.

“Who are you?” shouted out Vinyl from the back row. Octavia shushed her.

“I am the Serpent Superior, the commander of COBRA,” continued the pony, ignoring Vinyl. “And you all know who you are – or rather, what you are. You are all my COBRA Troopers. COBRA, of course, is dedicated to-”

“Hey, Octavia!” said Vinyl, letting the Serpent Superior babble on in the background. “He said that we’re all COBRA Troopers – I think we got the job!”

“What, just by showing up here?” Octavia asked. “That seems unlikely.”

“Well, Serpent Superior said so, and we did pass the test to get past the guards outside,” Vinyl pointed out. “I don’t see why not.”

Octavia frowned. “Well, nevertheless, I’d like to know what exactly our apparently-new job duties consist of.”

“Good point,” agreed Vinyl. “I’ll ask.” She thrust a hoof into the air.

“-anarchy will reign, and – yes?” Serpent Superior asked as he spotted Vinyl’s hoof. “What is it, my most generic of COBRA Troopers?”

“Hey, I’m not generic!” said Vinyl. “I’m the one and only Vinyl Scratch, baby!”

Serpent Superior sighed. “What was your question, Trooper?”

“Uh, yeah, my friend here and I were just wondering when we get to see the snakes,” Vinyl said. Although the warehouse had already been fairly quiet, the silence somehow increased as she finished speaking. Everypony in the room was staring at Vinyl as though she had just revealed herself to actually be a dragon in an elaborate pony costume.

“What snakes?” asked Serpent Superior, deadpan.

“W-well,” began Vinyl, feeling a bit more nervous now, “this organisation is called COBRA, right? So that means that we work with snakes or something, doesn’t it?”

Somehow, the stares got more intense as Serpent Superior slammed a hoof into his face. “Argh! And ouch. COBRA is an acronym, you fool! Why do you think everyone shouts it instead of saying it at normal volume?”

“Oooohhhh. That explains that,” said Vinyl. “So, what does it stand for?”

“Celestia’s Order-Breaking –”

“We work for Celestia?!” interrupted Vinyl excitedly. “When do we get to meet her? I need to apologise for killing her in Pony Tales.”

“Argh!” Serpent Superior made a grasping motion with his hooves, as if trying to strangle Vinyl from afar. “We don’t work for her! COBRA stands for Celestia’s Order-Breaking Revolution Association!”

Vinyl blinked. “Celestia’s what now?” she asked. Turning to Octavia, she asked, “Are you getting any of this?”

“That’s a terrible name for an association,” was all the Octavia said. “Do you think that they thought of the acronym first, or the name of their organisation?”

“Acronym first,” said Vinyl thoughtfully. “There’s no way that anypony could have thought that was a good name, unless they were naming it to fit something.”

“If we’re done then, could I please get back to my evil speech?” asked Serpent Superior, sounding frustrated.

“Fine, fine,” said Vinyl, rolling her eyes. Leaning to Octavia, she asked, “What does he mean by an ‘even speech’?”

“I suppose that we’ll only find out by listening,” said Octavia, focusing on Serpent Superior as he continued his speech.

“Now, where was I?” Serpent Superior muttered to himself. “Ah yes – anarchy will reign when my supreme plan is completed, and COBRA shall seize the reigns of command! You might say that we will be the Commanders from COBRA!” There was a brief pause, and somepony in the audience coughed awkwardly. “Well, whatever,” said Serpent Superior. “The point is, my magnificent plan will take place, and we will be victorious!”

“As you all know,” continued Serpent Superior, “you all made it to COBRA based upon your ruthlessness, your intellect, and your fighting skills, all of which were discovered by Tomax and Xamot.” Vinyl started to raise a hoof to ask another question, but had it pushed down gently by Octavia. “However! To ensure that the mission goes as smoothly as possible, you will all be required to take weapons training, supervised by our weapons supplier, Destroyer, over the next few days.” Serpent Superior placed a hoof to his chin in thought. “I believe that’s everything important I have to say,” he said. “Are there any questions, my COBRA Troopers?”

“What exactly is your plan that we will be partaking in, Serpent Superior?” asked somepony up the front.

“That shall be revealed in several days, in order to prevent information leaks,” answered Serpent Superior.

“Are we really full COBRA Troopers now?” asked somepony else.

“Once your weapons training is complete, yes,” replied Serpent Superior. “After all, you were all specially selected by Tomax and Xamot – it’s not like anypony wandered in here off the street after seeing one of our propaganda posters.”

“Uh…” began Vinyl, about to put a hoof up.

“COBRA Troopers! Your first meeting has been successful, and you have all earned the right to morning tea!” announced Serpent Superior, cutting Vinyl off. “Meet in The Coffee Lounge in fifteen minutes! Retreeeaaat!!”

With that, everypony got up and started heading out the warehouse doors, crowding past a very confused Vinyl and Octavia, who were still sitting down in the back row.

“Damn! I was hoping to find out what our hourly rate is!” Vinyl said, stomping a hoof in frustration.

“I’m still amazed that we got jobs just by showing up here,” Octavia said. “Although with all of that talk of weapons training, I’m not sure what exactly we’ll have to do once we’re on the job.”

Vinyl stopped and thought for a moment. “Ah ha! I’ve got it!” she said. “COBRA must be an extermination company specialising in getting rid of snakes!”

“Of course!” said Octavia. “That explains why the name – it’s ironic!”

“Although that being said, it only makes the actual name of the organisation – not the acronym – even more badly named,” said Vinyl seriously.

“Yes – you’d think that they wouldn’t get much business given that the name is a misnomer,” agreed Octavia. “Anyway, how do you feel about us sticking here in COBRA for a while?”

“A-Okay with me, as long as it’s A-Okay with you, sexy,” said Vinyl, grinning.

“Who are you calling sexy, sexy?” asked Octavia, grinning herself and kissing Vinyl. It lasted for a good few seconds.

“Mmm! Nothing better to start off my new job than a kiss from my marefriend!” said Vinyl cheerfully, making Octavia laugh. “Shall we head off and join our co-workers for morning tea?”

“Sure,” said Octavia, wrapping her tail around Vinyl’s as the two ponies started heading out of the warehouse. “It will be nice to meet our co-workers…although…”

“What is it?” asked Vinyl.

“I can’t help but wonder what weapons training will be like…”

Author's Note

"Retreat" is legit COBRA's battle-cry.

Chapter Three: Combat Training

“COBRA Troopers,” began Destroyer, the weapons supplier and trainer, “on the count of three, you will begin today’s training by firing your weapons at the targets.” Destroyer was an Earth pony with what looked like a metallic face, although he had assured everypony that it was just a mask. He wore a dark black jumpsuit with a raised collar. His voice had a slight Scoltish accent to it.

As he spoke, everypony raised their weapons at their targets. There was a line of around twenty COBRA Troopers, all in navy blue uniform, wielding crossbows at the end of a shooting range which was in one of the rooms of COBRA’s warehouse. For the unicorns, they could simply levitate and fire the crossbows using their magic; for everypony else, their crossbows were strapped to one of their legs. In order to fire, they would need to raise the leg the crossbow was strapped to, and turn it a particular way, triggering the firing mechanism.

“Ready…one…” began Destroyer, drawing out the number. A few ponies were shaking or sweating a little, but most of them were used to this by now. “Two…” Some Troopers adjusted their aim slightly, or shifted by a miniscule amount. “Three!” There was that brief moment of hesitation inherent in a countdown, as everypony registered that yes, Destroyer really had just said the final number, and then they all fired.

Bright, pulsing beams of light flew out from the end of each crossbow and towards their targets. Perhaps half of them hit their targets – silhouettes of a pony with vital areas marked. A moment after firing, each pony would readjust their aim slightly and then fire again, trying to shoot more accurately. Amongst all of this, a particular noise could be heard.

“Pew! Pew, pew, pew!” said Vinyl as she shot each laser from her crossbow. “Take that, mysterious silhouette!”

“Vinyl!” The pony next to Vinyl lifted up her COBRA Trooper mask, revealing herself to be Octavia. “Could you please take this seriously? We are at work right now, you know.”

“Take this seriously? How can I?” Vinyl asked. Although she was wearing her COBRA uniform, her colours were a brighter blue compared to the other ponies, and she had no mask. “We’re using freakin’ crossbows to fire lasers! How dumb is that?”

“Whilst I won’t deny that it’s a little strange, I’m sure that there’s a good reason for it,” Octavia said. Putting her mask back on, she turned to face the firing range again.

“Hey, even if there’s a reason for it, these lasers suck!” Vinyl said. Without warning, she rotated her crossbow ninety degrees and shot Octavia. “See?”

“Vinyl!” Octavia said crossly, removing her mask again. “That… should have hurt more than it did. Huh. I suppose that these lasers do somewhat suck.”

“‘Give me all your money, or I’ll hit you with something that hurts slightly less than a gentle shove!’” said Vinyl mockingly, moving her crossbow closer to Octavia.

“‘No! Anything but a gentle shove!’” Octavia replied, putting a hoof to her cheek in mock surprise. At this, the two friends burst out into laughter, realising that not only was the mock scenario hilarious, but it was also realistic. Unfortunately for them, it attracted the attention of Destroyer, who had until then been at the other end of the line of firing ponies.

“Is there a problem?” he asked, his mask hiding any emotion his face might have shown.

“Uh, yeah,” said Vinyl, still chuckling slightly, “wearing a popped collar with that kind of getup makes you look dumb.” Octavia sniggered, trying to hold in her laughter as much as possible around Destroyer.

Beneath his mask, Destroyer scowled. “Is there a problem?” he repeated.

“Sorry, Destroyer,” said Octavia, still snickering slightly, “it’s just that – well, Vinyl here pointed out that these crossbows aren’t exactly the most efficient weapon in Equestria.”

“Yeah!” Vinyl agreed. “Whoever designed these crossbows is kind of an idiot – I mean, they don’t even fire any bolts or whatever. And these lasers suck!”

Grabbing Vinyl’s crossbow out of the air before she could react, Destroyer strapped it to his front right leg. “For the record, I designed these crossbows,” he said, silencing the laughter from the duo. “And as for their efficiency… let me show you how effective these can be in the hooves of a master,” he continued as he finished adjusting it. Destroyer raised his leg so that the crossbow was aimed directly at Vinyl.

“H-hey, wait a sec!” Vinyl said, flabbergasted as she realised what Destroyer was doing. “I didn’t really mean that stuff… I mean –”

Vinyl shut her mouth and instead opted to flinch as Destroyer turned his leg, causing the crossbow to fire a laser. It hit her squarely in the chest, causing her to emit a small yelp of surprise. Scoffing, Destroyer ripped the crossbow from his leg and threw it to the ground in front of Vinyl.

“Vinyl? Are you okay?!” Octavia asked, staring at her marefriend’s stunned face.

“That…that…” Vinyl put a hoof to her chest and frowned. “That still didn’t really hurt. Are you sure that’s what you meant to do?” she asked Destroyer.

“Just get back to your damn shooting practice,” said Destroyer before walking off to check on some of the other recruits.

“Man, is our job whack or what, Octavia?” asked Vinyl as she levitated her crossbow back into the air and checked it for damage. “Practicing shooting practice for an extermination company? I mean, okay, it makes sense, but not to this degree. And not with pony targets!”

“Mmm, it is a bit unorthodox,” said Octavia, putting her mask back on. She took a step or two closer to Vinyl, pretending to be looking down the shaft of her crossbow. “To be honest,” she muttered, “I am starting to get a bit suspicious of this organisation.”

“Oh yeah?” Vinyl asked, also moving closer. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, there’s a few things that just seem a bit…odd,” said Octavia. “You pointed out less than a minute ago that we’re shooting at pony-shaped targets when we’re an extermination company.” Vinyl gestured for Octavia to continue. “What if one of them caught fire from the lasers?”

It took Vinyl a minute, but then she saw what Octavia was getting at. “There aren’t any smoke alarms in here!” she gasped. “That’s super illegal!”

Octavia nodded. “There also aren’t any fire escapes or air vents,” she added seriously. “But there was something really suspicious the other day that I noticed, when we first joined up.”

“Yeah? What was it?” Vinyl asked, looking around to see whether anypony was listening in on their conversation.

“I don’t think that you were exactly listening during Serpent Superior’s opening speech, but there was something that piqued my interest,” Octavia explained. “He was going on about something to do with crushing the princesses and bringing anarchy to Equestria… and then he said that we would all be paid, cash in hoof!”

Vinyl literally jumped in the air at this revelation. “But…but that’s illegal!” she said. “He’s trying to avoid taxes by doing that!”

“Exactly!” Octavia said. Leaning away from Vinyl, she lifted a hoof at her target. “I’m fine with us staying with COBRA for the time being, but I think that we need to be careful,” she said. She turned her leg several times, firing three short bursts which all resulted in headshots on the silhouette.

“Good shooting, Trooper…Octavia, isn’t it?” From behind Octavia and Vinyl, Serpent Superior approached them. For training sessions, he swapped out his cloth mask for a metallic faceplate. In addition, he was currently wearing an apron and oven mitts over the rest of his COBRA uniform. “Have a biscuit if you want – but be careful, they’re hot!” he said, offering Octavia a tray of what looked like shortbread.

“Thank you, sir,” said Octavia sincerely as she reached out a hoof to accept a biscuit. “Mmm, this is tasty! Good cooking, sir!”

“Thank you, Octavia,” said Serpent Superior. “I may be a crazed pony with plans to take over Equestria, but who says that I can’t cook a nice snack for my recruits during their training?”

“Uh…” said Vinyl, staring at the tray, a delicious aroma wafting from it, “mind if I have one?” She reached out a hoof to the tray, only to have Serpent Superior jerk it away from her.

“If you’ll excuse me, Meatshield Vinyl,” said Serpent Superior coldly, “these biscuits are for my Troopers only.”

“Wait, ‘Meatshield’ Vinyl?” asked Octavia, confused.

“During training the other day, she kept making the most annoying noises,” said Serpent Superior. “In addition to that, her accuracy was bad enough that she kept nearly hitting me with her shots.”

“So Serpent Superior here gave me a demotion!” said Vinyl proudly. “I’m Meatshield rank now! You were doing hoof-to-hoof combat training at the time, which is why you didn’t notice.”

“Well, that explains the uniform,” said Octavia. “But, Vinyl, darling… you realise that a demotion is bad, right?”

Vinyl scoffed. “Not when I’ve got a title as cool as this! It sounds so much better than the generic ‘Trooper’ name! I’m Vinyl Scratch, COBRA Meatshield!”

“At the rate you’re going, you might even make it to Redshirt,” said Serpent Superior, deadpan. Vinyl gasped in surprise and pleasure.

“Really?! That’s awesome! What do Redshirts do?” she asked, excited.

“They get to wear this special uniform,” said Serpent Superior seriously. He gestured, and Tomax – or was it Xamot? – appeared from somewhere, holding out a uniform. It was a white suit the same style as the rest of COBRA’s uniforms, only on the front and back it had a large red target. “And once you’re on the battlefield, you can do pretty much whatever you want, as long as you’re wearing that uniform.”

At this, Vinyl got down in front of Serpent Superior and grabbed him by the apron. “Can I be made a Redshirt, sir? Please? I’ll do anything!”

“Vinyl, are you sure that you wish to be wearing a uniform like that?” asked Octavia. “It’s literally got a target on the back.”

“I know, right? Everypony would be drawn to the one and only Vinyl Scratch!” Vinyl said cheerfully. After a moment, she grinned and added, “Not that I’d care, because I’ve already got the eye of the most important pony in Equestria – you, Octavia.”

Although Octavia was blushing beneath her mask, she couldn’t help but laugh. “Vinyl, that’s sweet, but also incredibly cheesy.”

“Would you have me any other way?” asked Vinyl, letting go of Serpent Superior and instead grabbing hold of Octavia. In response, the Earth pony giggled nervously as Vinyl went to remove her mask and kiss her on the mouth.

“Hey! Cut that out, you two!” interrupted Serpent Superior. “This is supposed to be weapons training, not… not love blooming on the battlefield!”

“But we’re not on the battlefield,” Octavia pointed out. “This is weapons training.”

“Actually, it’s more like a morning tea break, what with the shortbread and all,” Vinyl added earnestly. “Come to think of it, is it even possible? Can love bloom on the battlefield?”

“It depends,” said Octavia. “Are we talking love between enemies or allies?”

Vinyl shrugged. “I dunno. Hey Serpent, what context are we talking for this?”

“You two are missing the point!” Serpent Superior growled. “The point is, no making out during weapons training! Or else!” Shaking his head, he wandered off to offer more biscuits to the other COBRA Troopers. A moment later he turned back. “Obviously, I was talking about love between allies, since it applies to you two in this context.” He cleared his throat. “And, uh, good to see that you two have found each other. You both seem very happy, and I hope that it stays that way for a while for both of your sakes.”

Once Serpent Superior was sufficiently occupied giving out more biscuits, Vinyl and Octavia began kissing each other for several moments. “Hey Vinyl,” said Octavia as they pulled away, “what say we find somewhere more private to continue this?”

“Like a cupboard!” Vinyl said enthusiastically. “Oh man, wonder what COBRA keep in their cupboards! It’s probably like, snake antidote or something!”

Octavia rolled her eyes, but still smiled nonetheless. “What do I care, so long as you’re in there with me?” she asked. She hit Vinyl’s flank with a hoof. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s go find a cupboard, get in there, and have the best make-out session we’ve had all day.”

===============================

“Are we really going to do more hoof-to-hoof combat training?” asked Octavia, slightly surprised. It was shortly after lunch, during which Serpent Superior had provided a vast array of home-made sandwiches for his Troopers, and they had just discovered that they would be training for a few more days than expected.

“Although I promised that hoof-to-hoof training would only be for a few days, yes, you will be,” confirmed Serpent Superior. He was on the stage which he had been on Vinyl and Octavia’s first day, and all of the COBRA Troopers were standing before him, listening. “The reason why is because –”

“Why?” interrupted Vinyl, putting up a hoof.

Serpent Superior glared at Vinyl from underneath his mask, although to the crowd of COBRA Troopers it just looked as though he glanced vaguely in her direction. “The reason why is because whilst everypony’s scores – even yours, Blind Bandit – have been improving on the shooting, few ponies have been improving on hoof-to-hoof combat, according to the statistics provided by Tomax and Xamot.” He pointed to a line graph on display next to him. “Now, the mean of ponies with-”

“Is that seriously why you keep Tomax and Xamot around?” somepony in the crowd interrupted. “For statistics and boring crap like this?”

Serpent Superior gave a noncommittal shrug. “Tomax sometimes helps me make sandwiches. Anyway, the point is, you’ll all be doing hoof-to-hoof combat training for a few more days.”

“Hey Octavia,” Vinyl said quietly, nudging the masked and uniformed pony next to her, “I can give you some real good wrestling training – but we’ll need to do it in a mud pit. You dig?”

“Other side,” grunted the pony, who was at least twice Vinyl’s size. Blushing slightly, Vinyl turned to her other side to see that a pony with a build much closer to Octavia’s standing there, still masked and uniformed. “Hey Octavia,” Vinyl began, “I can… Oh, whatever, you heard what I said.”

“Does anypony have any objections to the additional training?” asked Serpent Superior, having continued his lecture whilst Vinyl was talking.

“Do we have to do it if we’re already quite exceptional at hoof-to-hoof combat?” asked Octavia. “Because Vinyl and I already know a surprising amount of martial arts from our adventures together.”

“You do?” asked Serpent Superior. “Excellent! Then in that case, I’ll demonstrate the next few moves with Meatshield Vinyl Scratch.”

“What? Why me?” Vinyl asked, although not loudly enough for Serpent Superior to hear her from the stage.

“I suppose that he’s gotten a bit annoyed at your behaviour the past few days, so he wants an excuse to beat you up,” Octavia suggested.

“What?! What do you mean, my behaviour?” Vinyl asked. “What have I done in the past few days that’s been so bad?”

“You’ve shown up to work drunk two times, you nearly shot Serpent Superior during weapons training, you showed up to work seven hours late yesterday, and you tried to take one of Serpent Superior’s biscuits without being offered,” said Octavia sincerely.

“Bah!” spat Vinyl. “I guess I’ll just have to kick his ass then. I’ve fought ninja, you know. Or is it ninjas?”

“I know, Vinyl,” said Octavia. “I was there, remember? And if I recall, you needed my help to stop them.”

“Wasn’t it awesome though?” asked Vinyl Scratch enthusiastically. “Hay, I wonder whatever happened to Bass Drop and Octavius…”

“Stop stalling, and get over here!” called Serpent Superior to Vinyl. He had gotten off the stage and was standing near a series of small training mats, where hoof-to-hoof combat was practiced in the warehouse.

“Fine, fine…” grumbled Vinyl as she trotted over to the mats. “What now?” she asked once she was standing opposite Serpent Superior with a decent amount of space between them.

“I shall demonstrate some of the martial arts skills we will be learning today,” Serpent Superior said. “In turn, you shall defend yourself in any way you can, to demonstrate how these would work against the average pony.”

“…Any way I can?” Vinyl asked.

“Just do what comes naturally,” Serpent Superior confirmed. To the crowd of COBRA Troopers, he said, “Now, this first move is the flying crane technique. Carefully watch the way in which I swivel on my back hoof before leaping into the air. I shall demonstrate it again after this first time. Are you ready, Meatshield Vinyl?”

“Yep!” said Vinyl.

“Hiiii-yah!” shouted out Serpent Superior, using one of his back hooves to rotate slightly before launching himself off the ground, spinning wildly as he flew towards Vinyl. At the speed he was going, he would probably knock out some of Vinyl’s teeth when he hit her.

In response to a flying madpony coming right at her, Vinyl did what she always did first in a fight: rely on her magic. Surrounding Serpent Superior in a telekinetic field, she threw him forcefully away from her. By the time she had relinquished her magic on him, he had enough momentum from her throw to continue flying through the air and slam into the back wall of the warehouse.

All of the COBRA Troopers were looking at Vinyl, amazed at what she had dared to do to their commander. In response, Vinyl shrugged.

“Well, he did say to defend myself in any way I can.”

===============================

“I still can’t believe that you’re pleased that you were demoted to Redshirt for that stunt!” Octavia exclaimed. It was a few hours after hoof-to-hoof combat training, and the two ponies were sitting on a couch in the warehouse, having afternoon tea. There were couches scattered all around this area, and before each was a small table with a teapot, mugs, and a small assortment of additives such as milk, sugar, and so on. The rest of COBRA were similarly having their afternoon tea.

“It’s great, isn’t it?” asked Vinyl, examining the new uniform which she had been ordered to change into once Serpent Superior regained consciousness. “Everypony’s going to be out there, trying to capture snakes, and then they’ll be all like, ‘Whoah, who’s that?’ when they see me out of the corner of their eyes, and I’ll be like, ‘It’s me, baby’, and then –”

“Is there any way in which this could get worse?” Octavia interrupted.

“From your perspective?” asked Vinyl. “I could get demoted to Twenty Minuter, the only rank lower than Redshirt.”

“Oh?” said Octavia, dipping a biscuit in her tea. “Why is the rank called Twenty Minuter?”

“Because twenty minutes is the average amount of time the rank spends on the battlefield,” said Vinyl before sipping from her cup of tea. “Something like that, at any rate.”

Octavia frowned. “Why would one particular rank spend more or less time in battle than the other ones?” she asked. “Aren’t we all going into combat together?”

“Redshirt Vinyl, shut up,” said Serpent Superior, sitting on a couch near Vinyl and Octavia’s. “And for the record, it’s called Twenty Minuter because twenty minutes is the average life expectancy of the ponies of that rank in the field.” He lifted up his mask – although not so far that anypony could see anything distinguishing about his features – and ate a biscuit.

“See? Average life expectancy, average time on the battlefield,” said Vinyl to Octavia. “Same thing, really.”

“Vinyl, are you ever going to take this job seriously?” Octavia asked, sighing as she poured herself another mug of tea.

“How can I?” asked Vinyl. “Our boss never takes off that mask, we were inducted to the group by two ponies whose names are literally reversals of each other, and our weapons trainer is apparently from Scoltland.”

“How does being from Scoltland make the job hard to take seriously?” asked Octavia, confused.

“Don’t they wear kilts or something there?” said Vinyl. “That’s kinda weird.”

“Well, regardless, I hope that you start taking it seriously by the time we go on our first mission,” said Octavia. “Speaking of, when is that?” she asked, leaning over to Serpent Superior’s couch.

“I just need to find a decent way to transport a… particular item… to Canterlot, and then we can begin,” he said.

“How about by train?” asked Vinyl. “I like trains!”

“No, that wouldn’t work,” said Serpent Superior, shaking his head. “The item in question is particularly conspicuous, and I’d rather it not be noticed.”

“Well in that case, how about by boat?!” Vinyl suggested. “Or better yet – submarine!”

“…Canterlot is in the centre of Equestria, Vinyl,” pointed out Octavia. “You can’t reach it by boat. Or submarine.”

“Yeah, but how do you know that it doesn’t have a secret underground lake?” Vinyl countered, grinning. “Then we could totally get the thingy there – all us COBRA Troopers build a submarine, and, and, Tomax and Xamot could use their freaky business skills to make sure we don’t go over budget, and Serpent Superior can be all like ‘Call me the skipper!’”

“Why would he be the skipper?” asked Octavia, frowning as she drank the last of her second mug of tea. “Do submarines even have skippers?”

“I dunno, but wouldn’t that be cool? Skipper Serpent Superior!” Vinyl exclaimed. “Or Superior Skipper Serpent! Or how about Serpent Superior: Skipper?”

“You know, Vinyl, sometimes when I see your shooting scores, or how happy you and Octavia are together, I almost regret giving you those demotions,” said Serpent Superior in response as he added milk to his mug of tea. He drank briefly from it before continuing. “But then you say things like this, and I am so pleased that you’re a Redshirt.”

“Give Vinyl some credit, sir,” said Octavia. “She does have good ideas from time to time.”

“Oh yes?” asked Serpent Superior mockingly. “Her suggestion to moving a bo- an item – to Canterlot was to build a submarine and hope that there’s a secret underground lake in Canterlot which the submarine could reach.”

“Well, yeah,” said Vinyl, “that’s if there was a secret underground lake. If there wasn’t, I’d say use a flying ship, since you said that trains are out of the question.”

“Use a what?” asked Serpent Superior.

“Alright, so Octavia and I were captured by pirates, right?” Vinyl began. “And we were totally going to fight them, but then I used the Element of Laughter and turned everypony into lizards, y’know? And anyway, we had found a tonne of balloons in the ship’s cargo hold, so we tied them to the ship, flew it to Canterlot, and killed Celestia and Luna!”

Serpent Superior looked as dumbfounded as was possible for a pony whose facial features were completely obscured by a mask. He slowly turned to face Octavia. “What?” he asked flatly.

“We were playing a roleplaying game,” said Octavia, blushing slightly. “Pony Tales.”

“Oh yeah, I suppose I should’ve mentioned that, huh?” asked Vinyl. “But yeah, the point is, I’d use a flying ship to transport something super important.”

Serpent Superior shook his head as if to clear it. “What, a ship held aloft by balloons?” he asked, having regained his composure. “They wouldn’t support the weight!”

“Depends how many you use,” Vinyl argued.

“No, you’d need something more like a magical device,” said Serpent Superior, half to himself. “Something to counteract the forces of gravity enough to lift the ship into the air, and… hang on a minute…”

“Uh… did I just break our boss?” Vinyl asked Octavia, as the two ponies watched Serpent Superior continue muttering to himself for the next few minutes.

“Good news, Vinyl!” said Serpent Superior suddenly, causing Vinyl to flinch. “You’ve given me an excellent idea – and for that, you’re getting promoted back up to Trooper rank!”

“What?!” spluttered Vinyl. “Noooooo!!!!!!”

“Everypony, I have a new announcement to make,” said Serpent Superior, standing up from his couch and speaking loudly enough for everypony to hear him. “If everything goes successfully, we will begin the assault on Canterlot in a few days from now!”

All around the warehouse, COBRA Troopers began cheering and talking excitedly. In all of this, Vinyl leaned over to Octavia.

“The assault to take the snakes out, right?”

Chapter Four: Attack on Canterlot

It was a sunny morning throughout most of Equestria, courtesy of the current weather scheduled by the pegasi. There were far and few clouds throughout the sky, allowing for the light produced by Celestia’s sun to shine brightly and warmly all over the land. The wind was blowing, but not so strongly as to be cold or annoying, and the temperature was perfect for any outdoor activities to be performed. Overall, it looked to be a beautiful day, as could be expected when the weather was arranged to be so.

What wasn’t generally expected on a day like this was the large ship flying through the clear skies. It had startled a good portion of Manehattan to see one of the ships moored in the docks unexpectedly rise out of the water after a crew of around fifty ponies dressed in blue boarded it, and as it flew towards Canterlot, it continued to startle those who saw it. A flying ship wasn’t a common sight in Equestria, after all – the Fort, Equestria’s top prison and a flying ship, generally flew above cloud cover to dissuade any break-in attempts.

The various sightings were helped by the fact that the occupants of the ship wanted to be seen. A navy blue flag with a red, abstract cobra head flew from the mast, and the ship was flying low enough for most ponies to see it without having to crane their necks or scan the skies. Yes, the occupants of the ship wished to make their presence known, to let Equestria understand who would be ruling the country after they reached their destination, which they weren’t far from now.

“Look, Octavia!” called out Vinyl from the front of the ship. She was dressed in her COBRA Trooper uniform, but had taken off the mask for the moment. “I can see our house from here!”

“Vinyl! Stop playing around in the rigging, and get back up here before you fall and break your neck!” Octavia shouted angrily. She was standing on the bow of the ship, her mask still on as per Serpent Superior’s orders, and looking downwards. It appeared that Vinyl had tied some ropes to her legs and was hanging from the front of the ship, heedless of the height or the danger should the ropes break.

“Do you think that we could pick up some of our things from the storage facility whilst we’re in Canterlot?” Vinyl asked, ignoring Octavia. She had to raise her voice to be heard above the wind rushing all around the ship, which although not strong enough to blow a pony off, was certainly strong enough to make communication harder. “I put a container of pasta in there, and I’m thinking it’d make a great lunch! If it hasn’t gone off, I guess.”

“Oh, for – I suppose I’ll have to sort this out then, as per usual,” muttered Octavia. Lying down on her stomach, she cautiously crawled as close to the edge of the ship as she dared, and then grabbed the rope Vinyl was hanging from with both hooves. She winced as she did – lying on the deck made her all the more aware of how high they were in the air, and whilst Octavia wasn’t scared of heights, it didn’t mean that she wasn’t aware of how fatal a fall from here would be. If the ship suddenly shook or something happened to make it roll to one side, Octavia would have no time to brace herself, and would go flying off the side.

“And look! There’s that bar where you let me take you to get drunk!” Vinyl said, pointing a hoof. “I wonder what happened to the bartender there?” Vinyl seemed unaware that as she surveyed Canterlot, still some distance away, the rope she was hanging from was being drawn up to the deck inch by inch. She turned back to the ship. “Octavia? Are you listening to any of this?”

“Every – hnng – word, darling,” grunted Octavia, still pulling Vinyl up. “Something about a bar?”

“Yeah!” said Vinyl as she was hauled up onto the deck with one last pull. “It was a while ago – I took you there because we – hey, is everything alright?” She had just noticed how exhausted Octavia looked. Natural Earth pony strength or not, pulling an adult unicorn up whilst you’re lying on your stomach was still a struggle.

“Vinyl, you know I love you and care for you deeply,” Octavia began, “but I have to ask – why in Equestria were you hanging off the front of the ship like that?”

“Oh, well I was walking around on the bow, and I tripped over some ropes. One thing led to another, y’know?” Vinyl grinned. “It’s a good thing that they got tangled like that so I was just hanging there!”

Octavia shook her head disbelievingly. “You seem remarkably calm about it all,” she observed.

Vinyl shrugged. “It was just as Skipper Superior Serpent called us all inside, so I got most of my screaming out of the way at the start of it, when you were all out of earshot. Once I got used to it, the view was pretty nice, y’know?”

“Oh Vinyl, you really are the most silly mare a pony could date,” said Octavia, laughing and kissing Vinyl on the cheek. “Follow me – I came out here to see where you were since you were missing Serpent Superior’s briefing.”

Towards the stern of the ship was a door which led to the ship’s cabins. Wordlessly, the two ponies walked to it with their tails wrapped around one another. Neither of them needed to say anything, as each knew what the other was thinking: I love you.

“- and if we want to purge this country of its disease, we must start off by cutting off the source of the disease: its head!” Serpent Superior was still in the middle of his briefing when Vinyl and Octavia entered the cabin, Vinyl having put her mask back on. The cabin was large enough for all of the COBRA Troopers and Serpent Superior to fit in, but as there were several beds around, it did mean that everypony was somewhat cramped.

“Skipper Serpent Sir Superior, sir!” Vinyl said from the back of the crowd, putting a hoof up. “If you’ve got a disease, shouldn’t you see a doctor instead of trying to trying to cut it off? Also, I think that diseases don’t actually have heads.” Octavia nodded in agreement.

“Ah, Troopers Vinyl and Octavia, how nice of you to join us,” said Serpent Superior, his voice laced with as much venom as he could muster. “We were just going over the mission once more. Since the ship was enchanted with the anti-gravitational spell this morning, this has made transportation much simpler. As a result, your jobs will consist mostly of protecting the ship.” He paused, waiting for confirmation from the two Troopers, and upon not getting it, asked, “Did you get that?”

“Sorry, what?” asked Vinyl. “It’s kinda hard to hear you from the back.” There were murmurs and nods of agreement from the ponies beside her.

“Is there somewhere less cramped we could hold this briefing?” asked Octavia. “The hold of the ship, perhaps?”

“The hold of the ship is…unavailable at the moment,” said Serpent Superior. “We have very important cargo there, so that’s why we have to hold this meeting in the cabin.”

“Hang on a second, Octavia – I’ve got an idea,” said Vinyl, apparently not having heard Serpent Superior. Vinyl pushed a few ponies aside and started making her way to the front of the crowd, forcefully but gently where possible. After a second of hesitation, Octavia followed her. “Now, you were saying?” Vinyl asked as she and Octavia reached the front of the crowd, accompanied by dirty looks by the ponies they had just pushed past.

If Serpent Superior hadn’t been wearing a mask, everypony in the cabin would have seen him scowl. “I was saying that you’ll have to defend the ship during the mission, at least until the time when we’re at our destination. After that, you will mostly have to be concerned about your own survival, as I shall be able to carry out most of the rest of the mission myself.”

“Defend the ship from what?” Octavia asked.

“It must be the snakes!” Vinyl said excitedly. “But… wait, we’re in the air, and snakes are on the ground… unless…” She gasped loudly. “We have to defend the ship from flying space snakes, don’t we? Holy – that’s amazing! I didn’t even know that flying space snakes existed!” Through the eye holes in their masks, several ponies around her could be seen rolling their eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” snapped Serpent Superior. “You’ll be defending the ship from CHIELD.”

“What’s a CHIELD?” asked Octavia, confused.

“Is it a specific breed of flying space snake?” Vinyl suggested.

“CHIELD stands for Celestia’s Highly Intelligent Equine Law-Enforcement Division,” Serpent Superior explained, sounding exasperated. He sighed loudly before continuing. “I’ve made sure that our ship will be seen from far away, so hopefully they’ll try and board us before we reach our destination – we can eliminate most of them before we reach it.”

“Wait, so they work for Celestia, just like us?” asked Vinyl, sounding confused. Serpent Superior ignored her. Around the cabin, most of the COBRA Troopers looked bored, as though they’d heard this part of Serpent Superior’s briefing before, which they likely had.

“What do we have to stop them?” questioned Octavia. “And why?”

“Use those crossbows you were training with, or failing that, your bare hooves,” said Serpent Superior. “And as for why, uh…they’re a rival extermination company?” Before Octavia, Vinyl, or any other Troopers could ask further questions, Serpent Superior added, “Now, I want you to all head to the cabin to the left of this one, and grab a crossbow. Head out to the deck, and be ready to defend it – we should be over Canterlot’s outer suburbs by now, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they were attacking us right this second.”

Everypony was silent, with some looking around the room awkwardly. A pony in the back somewhere coughed. A moment after he did, there was the sound of a small explosion from on the deck, and the ship shook slightly.

“Well, give or take a few seconds,” said Serpent Superior. “Now, COBRA! Retreeeeaaattt!!!!”

Reacting to their battle cry, the COBRA Troopers all repeated it, roaring it valiantly as they rushed into the cabin to grab weapons. At least, they tried to – in theory, everypony was going to sprint in, grab a crossbow, and then run out to begin shooting at CHIELD Agents. In reality, what happened was there was a bottleneck around the entrance to the cabin, and everypony had to slow down, wait their turn, and walk in at a normal pace in order to avoid being crushed by the crowd. But on the plus side, at least they were all enthusiastic.

“Should we really be doing this?” Vinyl asked Octavia as they waited for their turn to go into the cabin. “I mean, sure, they’re a rival agency, but it seems kinda vicious to attack ponies simply for doing the same job that we do.”

“Hmm, true,” agreed Octavia as she entered the cabin. On hastily installed weapon racks around the cabin walls were rows and rows of crossbows, the same time that they had been training with since they joined COBRA. She grabbed the nearest one and put it in the strap on her leg. “But at the same time, they are boarding us, which means that it’s just us reacting to them, isn’t it?” She adjusted the crossbow slightly and moved her leg around to test to see how comfortable it was. Satisfied, she put her hoof back to the ground and walked out of the cabin alongside Vinyl, who was levitating her crossbow in the air beside her. “And besides, as you pointed out, these crossbows can barely be classified as dangerous weapons. Hay, they can barely be classified as weapons.”

“…Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point,” said Vinyl. “But it does feel kinda – hay! What the heck?!” As she and Octavia exited the cabin which they had had their briefing in and came onto the deck of the ship, they found that it was covered in CHIELD Agents - all dressed in blue and white uniforms- just as Serpent Superior had predicted. All of the COBRA Troopers that had come out onto the deck so far were fighting them. What Serpent Superior hadn’t predicted was how the CHIELD Agents had boarded the flying ship.

“They get jetpacks?!” Vinyl roared, furious. “We get a dumb flying ship, and they get jetpacks?!” Leaping from the entrance of the door and more into the fray, she levitated her crossbow before her mask so that she was looking down the scope. Moving as swiftly as her rage would allow, Vinyl aimed it at no less than five CHIELD Agents – all of them wearing jetpacks - and shot at them with a laser each. For her effort, she was rewarded with something along the lines of “Huh? Did something just hit me?” from each CHIELD Agent she had shot at.

“Vinyl – wait…” Octavia started, but it was already too late. Vinyl’s rage at not owning a jetpack had led to a berserker fury in the unicorn, and she was putting it to good use. Vinyl shot at every CHIELD Agent within her sights, she leapt at them and beat them down with her hooves, and she used her innate magic to rip each jetpack apart where she could. The white unicorn was unstoppable, and every CHIELD Agent soon knew it. There were other separate skirmishes going on across the deck, but Octavia only had eyes for what Vinyl was doing.

“Well, at least she’s putting all of that excess energy to good use,” sighed Octavia before jumping in to join her marefriend. Vinyl had already taken off her mask to aid in her visibility – or perhaps it had been ripped to shreds within moments of her beginning her furious assault. Octavia privately thought that it was a good idea, and so she quickly removed hers as well.

Octavia soon realised that she had joined Vinyl at perhaps the best moment. Vinyl and Octavia were surrounded by a large group of CHIELD Agents, with some floating in the air on their jetpacks, whilst others were standing on the deck. Unlike COBRA Troopers, CHIELD Agents had a variety of weapons beyond just crossbows – some wielded what looked like stunning batons, some had crossbows of their own to fire from the air, and others still relied on their magic. In spite of Vinyl’s fury, the CHIELD Agents had the upper hoof in this situation.

“Just give up, guys,” said one Agent coolly as both sides eyed each other, looking for a moment of weakness in which to attack. “Surrender, and when we take out your leader we’ll go easy on you grunts. We all know that the princesses will be able to shrug off whatever you’ve got planned, so why not quit while you’re ahead?”

“I’m sorry, what?” asked Octavia. “I think you’re mistaken. We’re an extermination – argh!”

As she was talking, the CHIELD Agent fired a laser from his crossbow, which struck Octavia squarely on the cheek. “Watch where you’re pointing that thing!” Octavia growled. “You could hurt someone…eventually.”

“You right, babe?” asked Vinyl, still not taking her eyes off the three CHIELD Agents facing her. Every now and then one would make a move to attack, only for Vinyl to growl or jump slightly towards them, causing them to flinch and retreat to their previous position.

“Perfectly so,” said Octavia. “I think that these agents must be buying their crossbows from Destroyer’s arms dealing company.”

“Ha! So their crossbows are as ineffectual as ours?” Vinyl asked. “They should call you Celestia’s Highly Ineffectual…uh…” She faltered. “What did the rest stand for again?”

“So what if our weapons are no more effective than yours?” asked a CHIELD Agent. “We have the horsepower to back ours up, and we’ll eventually hurt you with them! Probably.”

Vinyl grinned. “Yeah, but you guys don’t have a little trick that Octavia and I have.” To Octavia, she said, “Remember what we did on the Fort the night we escaped?”

“Ye- NO! No no no no no no no!” Octavia protested as Vinyl’s magic lifted her into the air. “No Epic Octavia Maneuver!”

“Bah, you’re no fun,” said Vinyl, gently letting go of Octavia. “I guess we’ll just have to kick ass the traditional way then.”

At that, Vinyl and Octavia leaped forwards to take out their opponents. Before Vinyl were three CHIELD Agents – one hovering in the air with a jetpack, the other two on the deck with batons ready to attack Vinyl with. One of them raised his baton as Vinyl approached, which only gave Vinyl the opportunity to levitate it over and smack his friend in the face with it. With the second baton-wielder stunned from surprise and pain, she jumped upwards and used his head as a springboard to reach the floating CHIELD Agent and punch him in the jaw.

As she closed the gap between them, the CHIELD Agent fired several lasers at Vinyl, but they did nothing before her momentum. The CHIELD Agent dropped to the deck a second after Vinyl did, as she spun around in a circle on her front hooves, knocking all three ponies around her off their hooves. As a follow-up move, she stomped on the face of the first baton-wielder, finishing him off for good.

Meanwhile, Octavia had found herself up against two flying CHIELD Agents and one on the deck. As she leapt towards the trio, the one on the deck used his telekinesis to increase her momentum so that she would fly over the three of them, hopefully knocking herself unconscious when she landed. At least, that’s what he hoped would happen. Thinking quickly in the heat of the moment, Octavia instead stuck out both of her legs so that she kicked both flying CHIELD Agents in their faces and pushed them to the deck with her. The impact took them out instantly.

Turning around, Octavia once again leapt towards the sole CHIELD Agent of her personal fight. He had seen her fall and anticipated what she was going to do, and so he repeated his previous spell, attempting to levitate Octavia over his head and far away from him.

Unfortunately for him, Octavia had anticipated this, and her leap had intentionally been less farther than she would have needed to reach him. Instead, his spell added to her movement the additional speed she would need to hit him before hitting the deck, which she did before he realised how far she was leaping. With the CHIELD Agent on the deck below her, Octavia punched him in the face, taking him out.

The skirmish had taken less than ten seconds between Vinyl and Octavia. Octavia got up from the body of the CHIELD Agent, panting slightly, to find Vinyl watching her, having finished off her opponents mere moments before.

“Have I ever told you how hot you look when you’re in the middle of a fight?” Vinyl asked, grinning.

“Oh, come here and kiss me!” Octavia said, taking steps towards Vinyl. Vinyl’s grin turned into a more sincere smile, and she stretched out her hooves to hold Octavia.

The problem with this was that a nearby CHIELD Agent- a mint-green unicorn- who was floating in the air with a jetpack, having seen Vinyl and Octavia take out the group of agents, had been waiting for the two ponies to drop their guards. With Vinyl’s hooves outstretched, he saw his opportunity and dive-bombed her, hitting her into the deck before she knew what was happening.

An unanticipated side-effect of this for the CHIELD Agent was how fast he actually hit Vinyl. The force of his whole body, accelerated by the jetpack and the natural force of gravity, not only knocked Vinyl to the deck, but it broke up the wood below her and knocked her down into the hold of the ship, closely followed by the CHIELD Agent himself.

“Vinyl!” cried Octavia. She ran over to the hole in the deck, and after a split second hesitation, leapt in after her lover and her attacker.

Octavia landed on all four hooves, having braced herself for the landing. The fall took her all the way to the bottom of the ship, around twenty metres deep. It wasn’t hard to find Vinyl and her attacker in spite of the darkness– Vinyl was lying on top of the CHIELD Agent and punching him repeatedly in the face, creating a lot of noise.

“Whoever you are, you’re going down!” said the CHIELD Agent as threw Vinyl off him. His horn glowed red and he fired several small bolts of energy at Vinyl.

Vinyl coolly sidestepped the bolts. The CHIELD Agent and her were both circling each other, looking for a weak spot. “Whoever I am…” Vinyl began. She frowned, looking confused for a second. “No I’m not!” she finally said.

“Ha!” laughed the CHIELD Agent. “A mere foot soldier like you, defeating me? I am an elite Agent of CHIELD! I’ve fought ponies like you for all of my life, and my skills are renowned throughout all the levels of CHIELD! All I need is to hit you with a single bolt of energy, and –”

“You know, I may not be an elite Agent of CHIELD,” interrupted Vinyl, “but even I know not to turn my back to an enemy.”

“You -?” started the CHIELD Agent, turning around to find Octavia there. In circling Vinyl, he had ended up with his back to where he had entered into the hold – and where Octavia had just come through. The agent just barely had enough time to speak before Octavia’s hoof met his face, knocking him to the ground and taking him out of the fight.

“Huzzah!” cried Vinyl, punching the air with a hoof. “Way to kick his ass, Octavia!”

Tick…tick…

“Hey, you did most of the work,” said Octavia, trotting over to Vinyl and embracing her for good this time. “I was just in the right place at the right time.”

Tick…tick…

“No need to be so modest – that guy was tough!” said Vinyl. She smiled at Octavia as she cuddled into her a bit more. “Now, what say we take off that uniform and get down and dirty?” she asked.

Tick…tick…

“Never any time that’s not appropriate for it, is that right?” asked Octavia, grinning. “Maybe after today’s work shift. For now, how about we head back up to the deck and keep fighting those CHIELD Agents?”

Tick…tick…

“Bah, you never want to have sex at an inappropriate time,” said Vinyl, grinning. “C’mon, the stairs are over there.” Squinting in the darkness of the hold, the two ponies trotted over to the stairs, passing by something large and metallic as they did so.

“Oh hey, is that your bomb?” asked Vinyl as they passed it. A moment later she realised what she had said, and shook her head with disbelief. “Oh my god! Octavia! A bomb!”

“A bomb!” Octavia repeated. “How did it get here? How dangerous is it?” She frowned. “Is there a reason why we didn’t hear all of that ticking? Seriously, it’s quite loud.”

“CHIELD must have gotten it down here somehow!” Vinyl theorised. “There’s no way that Serpent Superior would use something like this!”

===============================

Meanwhile, in the cabin which he had made his office, Serpent Superior was pouring himself another mug of tea. He was confident that his COBRA Troopers could hold off the CHIELD Agents long enough for the ship to reach its destination – which should be any minute now.

“Man, I sure can’t wait to use that bomb I put in the hold,” he said to himself before sipping from his mug of tea.

===============================

“Of course he wouldn’t use something like this – Serpent Superior is far too kind to even consider a weapon such as this,” said Octavia. She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that we have to get this bomb off the ship!”

“And where? Down to Canterlot, to explode and hurt whoever is caught in the explosion?” asked Vinyl. “Or do we somehow throw it high enough in the air to not harm anypony?”

Octavia thought it over as fast as she could. The bomb didn’t have any visible timers or means to show off when it was going to detonate – it was just a large metallic box, with multiple coils and wires coming out of it. It was ticking every few seconds, but other than that, there was nothing else interesting about it.

“There’s only one thing to do – we have to disarm it,” said Vinyl, completely seriously. “There’s not enough time to evacuate everyone from the ship, and we have no other options.”

“Disarm it? How?!” asked Octavia. Standing near a ticking time-bomb was stressful enough, but knowing that she was one of two mares who had to deal with the problem? Octavia’s instincts were screaming at her to run up the stairs, out of the hold, and if possible, off the ship. Still, she knew what a ridiculous idea that would be to do, so instead she stayed where she was and used the greatest weapon she possessed – her brain.

Then, Octavia had it. “Vinyl!” she exclaimed. “Your Red Herring! You can use it to- Vinyl?”

“My what now?” asked Vinyl, staring blankly.

“You know, your Red Herring sub-woofer?” Octavia said. “You bought it just the other day, and- and…” Being met with only a blank stare, Octavia rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever. Look, what do you know about disarming bombs?”

“Uhh…that it should be done by professionals?” Vinyl said.

“Vinyl!”

“Sorry, it’s just – I don’t want to do this, y’know?” Vinyl said nervously.
Octavia sighed. “I know, I know – neither do I. Still, let’s work through this logically. The bomb is ticking, which means that it has some sort of mechanical timer, right? A-and when it stops ticking, that means that the gears have stopped moving, which is when it will explode? So…if we can stop the timer, the bomb won’t explode!”

“What makes you so sure that the timer stopping is when the bomb will explode?” Vinyl asked.

Octavia winced. She hadn’t considered that. “Well, I don’t know that, but do you have any other ideas?”

“There’s a red wire there,” said Vinyl, pointing. “You know what they always say – cut the red wire.”

“I’d rather not base my assumptions on disarming a bloody bomb on what fiction tells us,” said Octavia, scowling. “I say we try and stop the timer. It’s more likely to disarm the bomb than anything else that I can think of.”

Vinyl was about to protest, but she closed her mouth a moment later. There wasn’t enough time to argue, and Octavia’s argument was still solid. “Alright,” said Vinyl, “let’s see what I can do about opening this baby up.” Carefully rotating the bomb so that it was lying on its side, Vinyl found an opening sealed by screws, which she hasty removed using her magic.

The inside of the bomb wasn’t much different to the outside- there were lots of wires connected to pieces of plastic. There were several tubes of mysterious liquid inside which glowed bright neon colours, and some arcane symbols here and there which looked to be enchantments to enhance the power of the bomb. With the bomb only opened from one end, it was difficult to see the entire contents, but Vinyl slowly, cautiously used her magic to pull some wires out as much as she could in order to clear out the inside.

“Can you see the timer?” asked Octavia. She was standing a few steps back from the bomb, and alternatively leaning in closer to see how she could help and leaning back in case the bomb exploded without warning.

“I can see some gears,” said Vinyl, lighting her horn and sticking her head into the bomb case as far as it could go. “I think they’re the source of the ticking.”

“Okay,” said Octavia, taking a deep breath. “That’s the hard part over. Now we just need to jam the gears with something to stop them, and then the bomb will be disarmed. I think.”

“I still think we should just cut the red wire,” muttered Vinyl.

“What was that, Vinyl?”

“I said, ‘What do you see around here that we can use to jam the gears?’” Vinyl replied innocently. Octavia looked around the darkened hold for something small enough to fit into the bomb, but tough enough to hold the gears in place.

“Got it,” she said, grabbing Vinyl’s crossbow.

“What are you – argh! Not Shooty!” exclaimed Vinyl as Octavia broke the shaft in half. She broke that half once more, leaving her with a thick piece of wood which was nevertheless small enough to fit within the bomb.

“Now, let’s hurry this up. Who knows when the bomb will explode?” she said.

Taking the piece of wood in her magical field, Vinyl cautiously levitated it into the bomb, making sure that it touched as little of the internal mechanisms as possible. “There,” she said. “It’s in.”

“Good job, Vinyl. I think that we-” Octavia frowned. “Vinyl, is there a reason why the bomb is still ticking?”

“What? Oh, shit,” Vinyl swore. “It- it mustn’t have been the timer!”

“Oh crap,” breathed Octavia. “Um, we’ll have to, uh – wait, what are you doing?”

“Cutting the red wire! It’s the only option!” said Vinyl, raising the splintered remains of the crossbow.

“Vinyl! You can’t even cut with that!” protested Octavia. But she was a second too late, and somehow the splinters sticking out of the crossbow were sharp enough to cut the red wire. Octavia closed her eyes, expecting an explosion, or at the very least something crippling. Several seconds passed before she realised that neither of these had happened. In fact, the only thing that had happened was the bomb had stopped ticking.

“How-how did you know that would work?” asked Octavia. “It is disarmed, isn’t it?” she asked, poking the bomb tentatively.

“I just spotted this,” said Vinyl, pointing to the cover she had removed to gain access to the interior of the bomb. On it was written quite clearly: TO DISARM BOMB, CUT RED WIRE.

“Well, that was convenient,” muttered Octavia. “Good job regardless, Vinyl!” Octavia wiped some sweat from her brow, idly noticing as she did that she was smiling in relief.

“Yes, good job indeed!” said a new voice, causing Vinyl and Octavia to jump. “I see that you’ve found the bomb,” said Serpent Superior as he descended down the stairs and into the hold. “Do me a favour – carry it up to the deck for me?”

“Sure!” said Vinyl, levitating it into the air. “This is awesome!” she said to Octavia. “He must be getting us to take it onto the deck so that he can praise us in front of everypony for disarming it!”

It took the two ponies several minutes to reach the deck – after all, it was quite a way down to the hold from it, and Vinyl was carrying a dismantled bomb. Soon enough, they arrived there. The CHIELD Agents appeared to have been driven off, and all of COBRA was standing on the deck in a rectangular formation. Looking over the side of the ship, Octavia saw that they were above Canterlot Castle, where Princess Celestia and Luna lived.

“COBRA Troopers! You have all fought valiantly today, somehow driving off CHIELD Agents in spite of our pitiful crossbows!” began Serpent Superior. “I don’t believe that we’ve lost a single pony today! I am sure that many of you questioned, when we set out this morning, what exactly we were doing in Canterlot, and why exactly we needed to be here. But rejoice, for we are now at our destination! We are now ready to execute my master plan!”

“This bomb here,” he said, putting a hoof on top of the dismantled bomb, “will create a magical feedback loop, amplifying the innate magical powers of all ponies who are caught in its field. This will cause the ponies’ magical powers to overload, harming them, with the ponies with greater magical powers receiving more harm than that of ponies with lesser magical powers.

“Now…” Serpent Superior continued, somehow managing to look more sinister whilst wearing a helmet which obscured his features, “of course, this means that if the princesses were to be caught in the blast, their magical potential would cause enough harm to them to kill them! And now that we are here, above their castle, that means that we shall-”

“Well, it’s a good thing that we disarmed the bomb then,” interrupted Octavia. Serpent Superior stopped mid-speech, stunned.

“What?” he asked flatly.

“We disarmed it,” said Octavia.

“Yeah! We found it, and we were worried about it killing ponies, so we disarmed it!” said Vinyl enthusiastically. “Don’t worry about throwing it over the edge – it won’t explode if it hits the ground! As a matter of fact, you don’t have to throw it over the edge, since it won’t explode either way!”

“Good job to us, Vinyl!” said Octavia. She held out a hoof and Vinyl hit it with one of hers.

Serpent Superior had been silent throughout this display, but at this, he exploded. “You disarmed the bomb? You disarmed the bomb?!! Do you know how long I’ve been working on this? Do you know how much research was put in to finding a spell which would amplify magical powers in an infinite loop until the pony whose powers were being amplified dies?!

“You know what? Screw you two! You two are by far the worst troopers COBRA has ever had! I have no idea how you two ended up being chosen by Tomax and Xamot as worthy to join COBRA, but they were clearly wrong!

“Vinyl, you are the dumbest mare I have ever met! You play with weapons as though they’re toys, you do whatever you want with no regards to the consequences, and you act as if everypony around you has nothing better to do than to serve you or to clean up your messes! I’d call you selfish, but I’m not sure if that sums up how absolutely, idiotically egotistical you are!

“And Octavia! You know, your posh personality blinded me at first to your true nature, but now I can see who you are! You’re nothing more than a stuck-up pony who can never take any responsibility for what happens, always blaming somepony else! You think you’re so smart, and so skilled, and so courageous, but you know what? You’re none of those things! You’re just as dumb as Vinyl – probably even more so!

“I hate you two so much!”

With that, Serpent Superior started breathing heavily, having been shouting at full volume during his speech. The absence of his voice left all of COBRA stunned, not sure what to say next. In a final bout of anger, he kicked the bomb hard enough for it to go flying off the ship.

It wasn’t until nearly a minute later that someone dared to break the silence – Vinyl, as it turned out.

“So, uh…” she began, before clearing her throat. “See you Monday at nine?”

THE END

Author's Note