Anon Fights Tirek

by A Red SketchPad

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Tirek, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3697

Anon takes the alicorn magic and fights Tirek with it.

Anon finds himself in the middle of the battle between Twilight Sparkle and Tirek. When faced with the decision that'll determine her friend's fate, you step in to challenge Tirek. Will our green rowdy hero be up for the challenge? Find out in this episode of My Little Pony.

Just a little action one-shot after watching too much action movies and anime

Published 2014-12-04 05:50:09 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-04 05:50:09 UTC

Chapter 1

"It appears we are at an impasse." Tirek began as he faces the angry Twilight Sparkle. The valley around them riddled with debris and craters from the current fight. Her wings stay close to her body as she listens to his words. Despite her inexperience in fighting, her resolve to defeat Tirek and the alicorn magic impressed the big centaur. But he had the upper hand. "How about a trade, Princess Twilight?" He snaps his fingers, making the princess' friends appear in bubbles as they weakly beat against the walls. Each of them, the five ponies, the baby dragon, and the draconequus look into her eyes.

"Their release...for all the alicorn magic in Equestria!"

Each and every one of the imprisoned beat against the walls with more vigor than before, telling her not to do no such action. Twilight Sparkle sat there with widened eyes as Tirek walked to her side, giving her more of a view of her friends as they look in her eyes. "What's it going to be, Princess?" Twilight Sparkle stood still, deciding what to do. If she gave him the alicorn magic, all would be lost. If she didn't give him what he wanted, their lives would be forfeit.

A sudden brilliant flash of light blinded everypony in the vicinity. A small gust of wind blew as the light dies, revealing a two legged creature in a black suit, white buttoned dress shirt and a red tie blowing in the wind. He looked around and saw the towering behemoth of a centaur in front of him. He raised a finger and opened his mouth to speak, but shut it quickly. "I really hope I'm not tripping on some LSD or something..."

"What is this?" Tirek snorts. "Is this your trump card? A simple two legged creature in a dress?"

"Hey! No need to pick on someone smaller than you, you damned pleb!"

"Who are you, creature?" Twilight Sparkle examined the newcomer, looking at his size and stature. The creature looked back and smiled.

"I am Anonymous. Or call me Anon." He stared at Tirek and chuckled. "And if I am tripping or dreaming, I might as well take advantage of this. Twilight Sparkle..." She gasped as he calls her name. "...give me that alicorn magic. We haven't much time."

"No, give me the alicorn magic or I will tear you apart myself!" Tirek's voice blew softly against Anon and Twilight Sparkle. He waved his green hand across his face and smirked as he pulled out a small plastic container and threw it to the large gargantuan. His magic caught it and he inspected the object. "What is this?"

"Something to make you strong so that you're equal against me when Twilight gives me the magic." Anon smirked. The ponies gasped and yelled at him for his dumb move. Twilight Sparkle looked at him incredulously. Anon looked back and smirked, giving Twilight the signal that he's bluffing to distract him. While Tirek opened the container and ate the contents of the item, Twilight gave Anon the power of the alicorn magic. As it transferred into his body, he felt the power coursing through his veins. He shook and knelt as she continued to pour all of the magic, including her own, into this one alien being.

"Twilight, how can ya trust this guy? He jus' made 'im more powerful!" Applejack yelled at her.

"What if he loses? What then?" Spike cried. A small yelp came from Tirek and he spit out a boulder-sized white goo. Anon laughed as he stood up, looking up at Tirek. He continued to spit and wipe his mouth before glaring at Anon.

"What did you do to my mouth, weakling?!" He shouted at him. As the transfer was complete and Twilight Sparkle sat on her haunches, Anon laughed a little harder. He placed his hands on his knees and wiped a tear in his eyes. He stood up, still chuckling.

"I didn't say what aspect of you were strong. Now I can tolerate your breath." Anon yelled, eliciting small giggles from the girls, the dragon and the draconequus. Tirek yelled and charged at him. Anon jumped and took to the skies, looking down at Tirek. His opponent gazed upward and yelled as he jumped after him.

"You will pay for this, weakling!" Tirek charged up a ball of raw energy between his horns. Anon put his hands forward and was surprised as a beam of magic collided against his blast. The two were on equal terms, but Anon was reminded how gravity was a cruel mistress as he plummeted close to the two collision points. He took the risk and stopped his own magic beam. As the raw magic zoomed toward him, he concentrated a counter-spell in his arms and swung as the beam came up to him. His risk was worth it as the beam bounced off of him and flew above him, exploding as it got far enough.

"Holy hell. This is so fun!" Anon yelled as he plummeted toward the ground. Tirek's eyes widened as he stopped his attack, seeing Anon coming closer. His feet crashed on Tirek's face, using it as a landing pad. He rolled down his body and kicked him, using the magic to augment his power to knock him back. Tirek skidded across the ground and grunted as he faced the small creature. With a grunt, he picked Anon up with his magic. Anon flailed helplessly and wailed as he was tossed far away from the ponies. Anon tried to do something to steady himself in the air, but all he could do was close his eyes and wait until he crashed into the ground.

But the ground never came. He opened his eyes to see that he was steadily slowing his descent toward the ground. The magic within him seemed to have listened to his pleas. He stayed afloat and looked around to see where Tirek was. A zap noise popped behind him, prompting him to turn to see a fist collide into his body. He fell to the ground and created a crater on the ground. The centaur landed on the edge of the crater and crossed his arms as his opponent stood up, looking up at him with a fear in his eyes.

"That hurt...shit, so I'm not tripping. This is real." Anon spoke as he floated up in the air, the magic fixing his wounds and broken bones. "Alright, I'm gonna do what humans always do: Survive and adapt." Anon gritted his teeth as he pointed his hand at Tirek. "I hope you're ready for this!" He shouted as he concentrated the energies within into his fingers and fired a thin piercing projectile. Tirek smirked, seeing the little thin line coming at him. But when it made contact on his left shoulder, a sharp pain exploded and he screamed as he held his shoulders.

"How did you do such magic?!" He growled at the human. "The magic you now possess doesn't harm, only convert or take away!"

"As I said, Tirek: Survive and adapt!" He said as he shot another one.

Tirek dodged the continuous shots and shot more balls of magic toward Anon, making him move to avoid the blasts. One of the balls hit him and exploded, making him rocket toward the sky. He looked down and grunted a little as Tirek made long arching beams and launched it toward Anon. He gasped and shot some little fields of magic to intercept and take down the beams of his red magic. He flew down and took apart pieces of the ground to stop the few beams coming toward him. One of the beams got too close to him when he threw a last ground piece and it threw him back. His body rolled down a crater and he looked up to see the ponies he needed to save.

A thump behind him dragged him out of Anon out of his thoughts as Tirek landed behind him, glaring into the human's eyes. "You think you can turn the alicorn magic into your own little magic, creature? I have all the magic in Equestria at my disposal and with it, I can end you."

"Oh, spare me the dialogue. You sound like a cliche villain." Anon said as he got up. He coughed a little bit and wiped his hands. His peripheral vision caught something that stained his hands. Blood dripped from his hands down to the grass. He bit his lips as he looked back up at Tirek.

"You don't have to do this. Give me the alicorn magic and I will give you a swi-" A swift punch in the jaw stopped Tirek's proposal as Anon's fist flew. Grabbing the mane of the centaur, he used the momentum and flipped up, landing on his head and grabbing him by the horns. "What the?! Get off of me!" He yelled, shaking his head. Anon kept his grip and grunted as he pulled. That elicited a scream from the burly behemoth. Continuing to pull, he used the magic to increase his strength.

"Anonymous! What are you doing?" Rarity yelled. "You ruined your attire!"

"Screw the attire! I'm going to pull off his horns! That's how he uses the magic!" He roared as the horns cracked apart at the base of the skull. The muscles in his head peeled away as Anon lifted them higher into the air. Anon squatted and jumped, ripping the horns away from Tirek's head. The scream from Tirek could be heard from as far as Canterlot. Landing on his feet, the horns landed on the ground with a thud. Breathing heavily, Anon stood triumphant as he watched the centaur hold his head. Growling, he threw his head up as his magic healed the wounds.

"Big mistake! I can still use them!" He yelled, few sparks flying around his hands as he punched the ground. The ground below Anon rumbled and popped up under his feet, slamming into him and making him fly into the air. Tirek shouted, blasting a beam of magic from his mouth. Anon rushed as he extended his arms and threw them together, throwing a bright yellow beam. They both collided and both combatants were pushing out magic to gain the upper hand. Tirek quickly breathed and his voice exploded, forcing his beam forward. Anon yelled as he was overpowered and engulfed in the intense burn of the projectile.

Twilight Sparkle gasped when Anon hit the ground between her and her friends a few moment afterward. They looked at him, tears in their eyes as he lay dying. He coughed up blood and moved to the side to puke up some more. Twilight ran to his side and kneeled beside him. "Hold on, Anon! I can...try..."She tried to summon her magic, but couldn't. Tirek chuckled and slowly trotted to the group.

"I'm impressed, Anon." Tirek stopped in front of Anon. He looked up at the abomination that loomed over him and grunted, slowly getting up despite his body screaming not to. A simple 'hmph' came from the Tirek's lips as he raised a fist. "It will be a swift death to a worthy opponent. Goodbye, Anon!" He exclaimed before throwing his fist down.

"ANON!"

Upon the dark platform that resides in Tartarus, the Princess sit on their haunches, clinging to hope that Twilight Sparkle is safe and sound. The guardian, Cerberus, gazed his eyes around the area to make sure that nothing passed him, in or out. Princess Luna's tears welled up in her eyes. Never in her life did she think she would be imprisoned yet again. She wanted to cry, weep, let out all these emotions, but remained strong along with her sister and niece.

Cerberus barked loudly toward the dark stony stalactites. The Princesses looked upwards, seeing nothing. That's when the whole foundation of Tartarus shook. They struggled to stay balanced as the place continued to shake. When it stopped, they again looked upwards.

"What was that?!" Princess Cadence cried, her eyes wide with fear. "Tirek didn't find her, did he?"

"Whatever that is, that isn't Tirek or Twilight Sparkle. I think...I think there may be an outside force." Princess Celestia answered. The ground started up again, making the three princesses fall on the ground.

"We need to help her! Magic or no magic!" Princess Cadence yelled, getting up and running toward the pathway to get out of the platform they sat on. She fell over from exertion and fatigue. "C'mon. I don't need magic to run!" She seethed.

"You will do no such thing." Princess Luna shouted with her royal equestrian voice. Cadence looked back momentarily. She gazed upward into the realm of Tartarus before having her head down in prayer. "I have faith that they will survive." she spoke, looking upwards again and closing her eyes. Both sisters gazed downward and prayed for the safety of their subjects.

Anon held Tirek's fist in his hand, stopping the punch from crushing him. Anon gritted his teeth when the adrenaline and magic within him mixed together. A dark red aura surrounded Anon as he pushed the centaur back with each step he took. Anon gripped one of his fingers, causing him to yelp as he pulled his fist away from the human. Anon, who's suit was in ruins and tatters, flexed his muscles and roared. His green color slowly formed into a bright red color. His aura whipped around violently, causing the wind to blow hard. The bubbles surrounding Twilight's friends popped, dropping them onto the ground.

Tirek stood with trepidation in his eyes. This wasn't the same Anon that he fought minutes ago. This one had the look of rage and determination while the other one had playfulness. "Wh-What...what are you?!" Tirek spoke as he stepped back. Anon looked down at his hands and gasped a little before looking back up.

"I'm free of my inhibitions. Free of the faggotry that muddied my blood." Anon said as he rose up in the air. "I'm twice the man that I used to be; I've gained the other half of me."He extended his arms and yelled. "I AM NOT A FAGGOT!" He roared as his aura violently whipped around.

"Oh my! What's gotten into him?!" Fluttershy screamed over the wind to her friends.

"Never mind that! Let's get out of here!" Spike yelled.

"Right behind you!" Discord shrieked, picking up Spike bridal and running off.

"Hey, wait!" Applejack shouted after them. "Consarn'it! Get yer yellow-bellied selves over here!" She ran after them, with a bit of help from the winds blowing. A few seconds and Rainbow Dash caught her.

"Applejack, don't go! We have to see this through! Let them leave!" Rainbow looked back as Anon stopped roaring and charge after Tirek. The roar made the large centaur stiffen a little, giving a tiny window for Anon to throw an uppercut into his upper stomach. Tirek gagged and coughed out some blood before Anon fired a blast of energy to launch him upwards.

"Aww yeah, I can't believe I'm going to do this..." Anon shouted. He squatted a little bit and placed his hands, hovering and facing each other, to his sides. "YOU'RE GOING DOWN, TIREK!" He roared.

"Ooh, is that what I think it is?" Pinkie spoke, viewing the spectacle.

"What is it?" Rarity asked, her eyes widening when Tirek's shout shook the ground.

"Nony is doing the Kamehameha Wave! I'm sure a lot of people saw this coming!"

"Pinkie! How dangerous is it?!" Twilight yelled over the shout.

"Spoilers! Shush, Twilight!"

"KAAAAAAAA...MEEEEEEE..." Anon's hands lit brilliantly when a swirling ball of energy appeared between his hands. He looked up as Tirek floated above him.

"I WILL DESTROY YOU AND ALL OF EQUESTRIA!" Tirek shouted, making a large orange ball in the air. "HERE'S MY TRUMP CARD! DISCORD'S VERY OWN MAGIC! MAY IT SERVE YOU WELL AS IT TEARS REALITY APART!" He shouted, throwing the volatile ball of magic down to the ground.

"HAAAAAAA...MEEEEEEEE..." The ball grew in his hands and soon engulfed his side.

"ANON! DO IT! SAVE US PLEASE!!" The ponies behind him yelled. Anon's eyes widened and threw his hands forward.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The energy from his hands exploded forward and zoomed toward the ball of chaos. When it hit, neither his attack nor Tirek's moved an inch. He gritted his teeth and continued to hold his place. But he couldn't do it for long. "Guys! Insult me!"

"What was that?"

"Insult me! Call me names, say something that'll dig under my skin!"

"W-We can't do that! That's barbaric!" Rarity reeled back from such notion.

"Sugarcube, we can't do that to 'nother pony...er, creature. It sounds inhumane an-"

"You're a faggot!" Pinkie yelled out loud. The girls looked at her with horrified looks on their faces. Anon laughed a little bit, but stopped when the ball got a little closer. Fluttershy gulped as she prepared herself.

"You're a gigantic faggot." She spoke meekly before gasping and tearing up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! Please don't be mad!" She cried. Anon looked back and frowned a little bit. This wasn't going well for him. At this rate, he will get tired and the ball will come crashing.

"See, look at what you did to poor Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash yelled at him. Anon looked back incredulously, wondering where that attitude came from.

"Me? The hell I-"

"She never cursed in her life and you make her do this in this life or death situation!? What's wrong with you?" Rainbow Dash shrieked. Twilight Sparkle's eyes widened and gasped silently before stepping up.

"Anon, I'm so disappointed. Not only did you mess this all up, but on top of all that, you made the kindest pony in Equestria tear up and cry! What kind of creature are you to do that?!"

"Twilight, hold the fu-"

"The buck did you just say to her, you little filly?! I'll have you-"

"PINKIE! NOT HELPING!" He roared. "That copypasta is...wait, how do you even-"

"Ya look look more like a golden delicious than the red that you have!" Applejack snorted.

"If you're trying to call me yellow-bellied, you failed so ha-"

"His odor probably must've offended Fluttershy, too. That and his ugly suit. Ugh, at least he isn't wearing a trilby. I'm glad Tirek destroyed such abomination that is his suit." Rarity remarked with her pompous tone of voice. Anon gritted his teeth and looked back.

"A trilby!? I thought you were going to say fedora! That would've been better!" Anon yelled back. "AND THE SUIT IS AWESOME! The hell do you think you this is?! You guys suck so much at this I just...AHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as the ground under him gave way to the raging blast. Discord's energy ball got pushed away toward Tirek. He gasped and shrieked as both the beam and Discord's magic gnawed into his skin, bit by bit. His roar started to sound gritty and horrific.

"HOW CAN SUCH A LOWLY BEING DESTROY ME?! AUUUGH!" He managed to roar as he disintegrated into nothingness.

"YOU PUT THIS ON YOURSELF! TOLERATE IT!" Anon replied in kind, expelling all of the magic out of him.

Both Discord's own magic along with the alicorn magic within caused an explosive wave. It traveled far and wide through the expanse lands of Equestria, giving back all the magic to the ponies of Equestria. They all looked up to the skies, wondering what kind of force suddenly gave their magic away. The Princesses in Tartarus looked as they gained their magic back. Breaking the chains, they teleported their way out of Tartarus and up into Canterlot. They looked around to see their subjects safe and sound. Princess Cadence ran up to Shining Armor and hugged him tightly. He hugged back and looked up to see the two princesses fly toward Ponyville.

As they landed, they saw the remains of Twilight Sparkle's home. They continued on, unphased. Looking up in the distance, over the mountains, they saw the last remaining magic spiral downward into the ground. Taking to the skies again, they flew toward the spot.

"You think that might be this outside force?" Princess Luna looked to her sister. Princess Celestia simply nodded. When they spotted the Elements of Harmony, Spike, Discord and the human, they swooped down toward them. They swung up and flapped their wings a little as they landed.

"Twilight Sparkle. Discord. And all of you. I'm glad you're safe." She spoke. They all bowed, but she raised them up with her magic, having none of it. She walked toward the green human, his clothes in tatters as he lay on the ground. She smiled as he opened his eyes a little. "And you, creature of unknown origins, thank you for Tirek's defeat."

"He...deserved it. Got what was coming..." His cheeks puffed a little and he coughed up blood. The ponies around him gasped as they surrounded him. "Oh hell...no, don't you all do this. You got...magic..." He looked at them sternly. The ponies shied away in embarrassment from their small act.

"I'll heal him. It's the least I can do..." Discord spoke as he snapped his fingers. A flash of light blinked into existence, covering Anon's form. He stood up, his bones and wounds healed to perfected. He looked down at his hands and smiled, feeling not only refreshed, but stronger.

"Thanks, Discord." He smiled before stars twinkled around him. Anon looked up to the ponies as his vision was distorted and mixed to see both the human world and Equestria. "Damn, didn't think I'd go so soon. I'll probably an hero to get back here, probably."

"Don't do that, Nony! You have so much to live for!" Pinkie Pie cried. Anon stared at her and sighed. He knelt and petted her head. He opened his mouth to give her an advice she'd never forget.

"Cum inside Rainbow Dash."

Author's Note

I am so sorry. I promise never to make anything like this ever again.

Have this song to know that it's over:

~A Red SketchPad