The Courtship of Derpy

by Paton Pendeng

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia
Length: 4443

It is the day Celestia dreads the most... Courtship day. The day where countless nobles and commoners alike come to try and woo the Princess of the Dawn. Will she, however, find a surprise?

Courtship - the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.

Celestia loathes Courtship day. She despises it for many reasons, but perhaps today will be different...

Featured!!! 11/30/2014 Yay!! :yay:

Published 2014-11-30 07:10:11 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-02 04:01:07 UTC

Chapter the Only

Celestia sat upon her throne and sighed despondantly. She looked downward at the place where her last nobleor prince or whoever they were. They weren't even that good. She flicked her half-lidded eyes over to the mountain of gifts she recieved from courtship. There puppies, boquets, boquets of puppies, cake, fruit baskets, wine and thousands of roses. Her sister would be different. She would take a hoof full of the stallions who courted her and all the presents as well. She knew why she kept all the presents, but as for the courtiers, well... they would join her "private cabinet." Celestia would've protested against her harems, but then again Luna was from another time.

The truth of the matter was the Celestia couldn't find her soul mate. She tried looking past their faults, and even then she didn't find any to be too interesting. There were nobles who liked to blather on and on and on. There were two kinds of nobles though, really young, or really old. The old ones were plotting to take her throne and the young ones only cared about themselves. Then there were the commoners who, bless their hearts, tried too hard. Most of the roses in the pile were from a single stallion who said that he bought out every flowershop of their roses. Celetia didn't need to be an accountant to know how much in debt he was.

Celestia looked upon the mountain of gifts and wondered how fast she could resend them all. She wasn't one to look a gift in the horses mouth, but taking the gifts while disliking every last of them felt rather dishonest. That, and she hated the taste of roses. Celestia was so thusly occupied, she didn't notice the doors to the throne room open. She didn't notice the crinkle of paperbags steadily growing closer, nor did she notice the mare walking backwards towards her.

When Celestia turned to look back where her last courtier stood to become despondent again, she instead found a mare's rump before her. This simple sight brought the princesses mind to a screeching halt. As she took in what was before her more closely, (not that way you perv) she only found herself more confused. The mare wore paper bags on every hoof and even one upon her head. Celestia's first thought after looking at all of this was, "... why didn't she go with plastic?"

Derpy was lost. She didn't mean to, but she did. Her boss would be really sore at her when she made it back to the post office... Then he'd be even more sore when he found out that she'd forgotten her mailbag too. At least she remembered her lunch this time though! The mare took careful surveillance of her surroundings. Halls upon halls upon halls, and paintings almost every two feet! You'd think that she'd run into a maid at some point dusting the paintings, but then chances were that she'd probably get directions out and either screw up or find a way out. Either way, she'd have to go back to her angry boss.

Derpy soon found a large door. She carefully opened it, and gasped in shock. There was a mare trapped under the floor! Oh, wait a minute... That was her reflection. She looked into the room, and holy wow it was big! Like, it could have an entire snow day in here! Derpy took a few steps out into the main hall and looked at all the stained glass windows... Well, she tried looking at all of them, but her other eye found the corner of the ceiling to be very interesting indeed. She then saw something behind her that made her grimace. She had scuffed up the shiny floors! Thinking quickly derpy had a surge of absolute brilliance.

She took her lunch bag off her back and lied it open in front of her. The pegasus then took the individual paper bags that had her hay sandwhich, carrots, ice water and desert muffin out and put it into the main bag. She then put the smaller bag on her feet, and, after a surge of creativity, wore the bag on her head. Just to be extra extra careful, Derpy decided to walk backwards to make sure she didn't scuff up the floor.

She didn't notice that she was headed for the doors to the throne room, nor did she notice that she pushed it open accidently. In fact, she didn't notice anything other than the she was not leaving and scuffmarks on the shiny floor.

"Ahem," Celestia cleared her throat awkwardly after noticing she had spent a good few minutes staring at this mare's flank.

Derpy looked between her legs, accidently letting the paper bag fall onto the ground open end up. "Hi!" she said before righting herself. "How are you?"

"Um..." Celestia blanched, completely caught off guard by the mare's casualness. "I'm fine..."

"That's good!" Derpy said with a smile.

"Uh... don't take this the wrong way, but..." Celestia began once more. "Why do you have paper bags on your hooves and head?"

"Oh that's okay!" Derpy waved off. "I just didn't wanna scuff all your nice floors, and um..." Derpy quickly padded her head for a moment. "I don't have a bag on my head though!"

Celestia didn't know why, but she felt herself smile. "Yes, I can see that now..."

"Hey, um..." Derpy began while looking up at the pile of stuff. "What happened here? It looks like a Hearts & Hooves Day in here."

"Oh, well..." Celestia sighed at being reminded againd of the misery she sat through. "Today was Courtship Day for me..."

"Courtship Day?!" Derpy exclaimed. "Oh my gosh! Happy Courtship Day!" Derpy smiled sincerely for a moment before confusion overtook her face. "What's Courtship Day?"

"It's a day where a lot of ponies try to win over my heart with a lot of gifts among other things..."

"Oh! Um..." Derpy fumbled around for a moment before finding her lunch bag. "Here! We can hare my lunch if you want!" Derpy dug around in the bag for a moment before she pulled out the muffin. "You can even have the entire muffin."

Celestia once more found herself lost for words. She accepted the Muffin and watched as the mare before her approached her throne.

"Could you please scoot over?" Derpy asked kindly.

"... Y-yes. Of course!" Celestia replied nervously. Wait, nervously?! Celestia contemplated her anxiety while inching her tush over to give Derpy some room. The pegasus once more dug around her lunch sack before pulling out two halves of a sandwhich.

"You can have the bigger one," she says while happily handing over a half. "Sorry, but I can't cut even." Celestia took the half into her magic, still contemplating.

"Carrots are on the bottom of the bag," Derpy said as she took a bite of the sandwhich. Meanwhile, Celestia had come to a conclusion. She was sharing her throne and a strange mare's lunch and she was nervous.

"What's your name?" Derpy asked between chews.

Celestia sat agape. Was she being serious? "It's um... Celestia..." she managed to say.

"Nice to meet you," Derpy replied cheerfully. "Mine's Derpy."

"I... uh..." Celestia stammered. "I-it's nice to meet you too." She sat there staring at the sandwhich for a moment before deciding to take a bite. Maybe she should just go with the flow. That, and the sandwhich wasn't bad.

"Hey Derpy," Celesta began after a while.

"Hmm?"

"If you were so worried about the floor," she began. "Why didn't you just fly?"

Derpy paused for a moment before giggling like a filly. "I guess I just forgot!" Once the pegsus began to giggle, Celestia found herself being infected by it. Soon, the two were laughing about such silly nonesense. Celestia couldn't recall a time when she laughed so hard.

"So.." Derpy said after she had calmed down. "What else do you do on Courtship Day?"

"Hmmm..." Celestia mused. She had never having really thought about it before. "I guess... get to know the ponies..."

"Huh," Derpy resoponded after swallowing the last bit of the sandwhich. "Well, I guess that makes sense."

"What do you mean 'guess?'" Celestia asked.

"If their gonna win your heart, they have to know you first," Derpy mused. "Otherwise, how can you be friends?"

"The day isn't about making friends, Derpy," the alicorn replied after finished her half as well. "It's about choosing who you marry..."

"Well..." Derpy scrunched up her nose in thought. "Don't you have to be friends in order to want to get married?"

Celestia paused for a moment. "I... I never really thought about it like that before..." Celestia paused for a moment longer, feeling as though storm clouds were being cleared away in her mind.

"Say, Derpy," the white alicorn began. "Would you mind spending some time with me for a little while longer?"

"Sure!" the pegasus replied again in the same cheerful manner.

Princess Celestia could not believe what happened today. Her entire day, which consisted of eating ice cream until the void was filled after the courtships, had turned into the greatest day of her life. She entered her bedroom feeling an air of absolute happiness. She knew whom she owed it to...

"Woah!" the pegasus gasped. "It's so huge!"

"Yes," Celestia giggled. "It is, isn't it?" She laid a hoof upon her oversized mattress and pressed into it gently. Then, the surface shifted a bit as Derpy leapt atop it.

"So soft too!" Derpy said excitedly. "You're so lucky Celestia!"

"Sometimes, I doubt that..." Celestia replied casually. If she were mad and crazy, then they'd better had reserved her a padded room in the Hotel De Kookoo-kuchu. She levitated her crown from her head and onto her nightstand.

Derpy, meanwhile, looked out on the balcony and saw the red brazen sky. She quickly ran over and watched the sun in the sky. Celestia smiled as she watched her companion. She walked over and stood next to her as her horn illuminated. The sun's descent was slow, and she made it that way. She really didn't want today to end...

"I gotta go home soon..." Derpy said with a little regret. "My neighbor is probably be worried where I am."

"Well," Celestia began with a smile. "You can come over tomorrow if you want."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Not at all, Derpy," Celestia sighed as the sun disappeared over the horizon. "Not at all..."

Author's Note

One off! WOOT! Don't expect something good. I just typed out words as they came out...

Bonus! Epilogue: The Second Day

Author's Note

The much requested "sequel" is here! Well... I say sequel... :twilightblush: I do have an idea for making an actual sequel, but it's going to take some time. Please, be patient until then.

Also, about those who say that I'm not doing Celestia correctly. I mean to ask you then, what exactly do you think Celestia's role should have been. I mean, not to be too snobby, but if I made her out to be the always clever, always right Celestia, then it would never be as cute as I had hoped for, and if I did make it in the opposite direction, making the alicorn into one of the many, many sub-personalities, such as molestia, trollestia, or a lesser known one like blonde-Celestia (no offense to those with blonde hair. I could not find another term to get my point across without being dreadfully blunt) I highly doubt that it would have recieved the same amount of attention that it is now.
Hopefully I got her right this time though... :pinkiecrazy:

Bonus! Epilogue: The Second Day

Princess Luna walked through the halls with her spirits at a low. She knew how much of a chore Courtship Day was for her sister. Even before her imprisonment, Celestia always despised the day. The alicorn of night couldn't understand why. The lunar princess enjoyed the Courtship day and relished in the days after it. Perhaps she should loan Celestia a few of her stallions today... just to cheer her up. Any would do, except for Seabiscuit. That stallion was hers and no one else could touch him... Ever!

She approached her sister's room, and braced herself for the worst. If she knew Celestia, she would be half buried in ice cream cartons half buried in blankets and her face face shoved into a sickeningly sweet, but cheap romantic novel. If not, well... She could still prepare for the absolute worse.

"Sister?" Luna called with a knock upon the door. "May I come in?" No answer. "Tia, I'm coming in..." When Luna opened the door, she found that the large bed before her was neat and spotless. The room overall was spotless as well and devoid of any comforting dairy product containers. This worried Luna. If her sister was not here, then where could she be? Was Celestia's depression worse than she could have anticipated? Was she passed out at some bar in town, drunk off her rocker and in possible danger of the press taking pictures and making up stories? Luna shuddered and slowly began to panic.

Her fears died away as quickly as they surfaced however. She could hear the sound of running water from her sister's bathroom... Was she singing? Although it would've been amusing any other day, on this day Luna found herself completely shocked. Celestia usually would normally be too absorbed in her self-wallowing to do anything beyond groan and sigh.

A few moments later, the door to the bathroom opened revealing the sun princess humming and smiling happily. She had a certain bounce in her step and an air that was not entirely lost on Luna.

"S-sister?" Luna stuttered while reaching out to Celestia to make sure it was not a delusion.

"Hello Lulu," the chipper sun princess greeted as she sat before her vanity. "Is it not the most wonderful day you have ever seen?"

"I-I suppose..." Luna stammered while the gears in her head began to click. "Yes, it is a wonderful day."

The Lunar princess approached her sister just as she began to brush her mane. "Methinks the day of Courtship was a success."

"Indeed it was, Luna," Celestia replied while continually stroking her hair with the brush.

"So..."Luna drawled impatiently. "Art thou going to spill thy guts? The anticipation is murder!" To this, Celetia simply laughed. "Come now, Tia. How many did you choose? Are they quite strapping and handsome, or-"

"I did not start a harem," Celestia stated before Luna went too far.

"We were jesting, dear sister," Luna chuckled. "We know of thy tastes. Thou prefers to have a monogamous relationship, but we still want to know the juicey small bits. Details, sister, details! Tell us of the stallion!"

"Mare."

"... what?" Luna asked, her train of thought grinding to a halt.

"She's a mare," Celestia clarified. "And she is... just wonderful."

"And thou say we have odd tastes..." Luna murmured to herself. "Nevertheless, we art happy that thy are well. Now, you best hurry. The day is nearly gone and you have yet to address today's tasks."

"Oh, I'm afraid I cannot go to work today," Celestia stated casually while making final checks in the mirror. "I'll be spending time with my special somepony."

"Oh..." Luna said in somewhat shock. "Well... it shall be no different for us then... We are used to covering you on the day after Courtship."

"Thank you, Lulu," Celestia said with gratitude. The sun princess grabbed he saddle bag and paused at her nightstand. After a little thought, Celestia took a book from the nightstand and depostited it into the bag. Celestia then walked over to the balcony to make ready to take off.

"Sister!" Luna called carying Celestia's tiara in her grasp. "Do not forget this!"

"Oh, I won't be needing it today," Celestia said with a smile before she leapt off the balcony. In her mind, she planned on making just a quick stop to the kitchens. Luna was left at the balcony with a nostalgic expression. Before the sun alicorn was out of sight, however, she called out, "Have fun storming the castle!"

"Ah..." she sighed, turning over the tiara in her grasp. "Young love..."

Derpy flew at a swerving pace. She always found it difficult to fly, but wasn't completely sure why. She had one eye on the sky and the other watching the ground.That way, she ran no risk of running into anypony in the sky or the ground. Nevertheless, she had a great day planned out for herself. After all, she'd get to see her new friend!

There was only one flaw to her plan. She couldn't exactly remember where Celestia lived. She said to look for the biggest building in Canterlot, but tp the grey pegasus, they mostly looked the same. She checked a lot of the taller buildings, but they were mostly hotels, and Derpy didn't recognize any of the rooms there. Derpy thought for a moment that she should try the castle, but quickly dismissed the idea. There was no way that anyone lived in castles anymore. They were mostly tourist attractions nowadays, and sometimes used for parties.

"Hello, Derpy," a familiar voice called from far above her. Derpy tried looking up that far, but decided it be easier to just to turn around.

"Celestia!" Derpy cried joyfully as she flew upside down. "It's nice to- woah, Woah!" Derpy felt her world beginnig to spin around her. She tried to steady herself by flailing her arms, but ended up falling into a mid-air tumble. Derpy knew the feeling of falling all to well. She knew it would be over quickly and that the best thing to do was let it take it's course. Suddenly, though, she found herself feeling weightless... and the spinning stopped.

"Derpy, are you alright?" Celestia asked with worry as she held the pegasus in her magic.

"Yeah," Derpy said while trying to focus her eyes on Celestia. "I'm okay. No need to worry..." Derpy tried hiding a small blush. Truth of the matter was that no one really bothered to help her like this. It was... weird, but the good kind of weird.

"Thank Faust," Celestia sighed. "I'm going to let go now, so..."

"Yeah, I got it..." Derpy said sheepishly. She righted herself to a hover and finally had one eye on Celestia. "So what do you wanna do today?"

"Well, I thought we could just see where the wind takes us," Celestia answered brightly.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" Derpy answered. With that, the two airborne equines followed the current of the jetstream.

Derpy was absolutely happy. She could not be any happier, or at least she didn't think she could. They had found a small lake in the middle of a hilly meadow. The grass was tall enough to tickle her underbelly, and there was a soft breeze that made the grass bend and wave like an ocean of deep green. Celestia had suggested they have a small pinic under a single tree near the top of a hill overlooking the lake. Derpy agreed to this. Celestia herself packed the picnic, but she insisted that it wasn't to repay her for lunch yesterday. Currently, she lies next to the alicorn. At first she felt a little awkward about being that close to another mare, but she actually began to lean against her.

Derpy was comfortable with Celestia, but she felt something nagging at the back of her head. It was doubt. What if she accidently said something wrong, or what if she accidentally causes the grass to catch fire? Such things might seem preposterous, but when it came to Derpy and her luck, anything was possible.

Celestia's wing suddenly covered Derpy's comparitively smaller form. This caused the mare to blush and look down at her hooves. She didn't know why, but... she felt really scared, but she was happy at the same time. It felt as though she had swallowed a breezy by accident and it was fluttering around her belly like no tomorrow. Her face also felt really hot. In fact, most of her body felt like it was on fire. Celestia's feathers were cool against her back, and each time she breathed or moved, she could feel a few brush against her, sending tiny shivers down her coat.

"Derpy?" the larger mare said softly.

"H-hmm?" Derpy hummed, her motuh becoming very dry for some reason.

"I meant to ask you yesterday," Celestia began with caution. "But... I wasn't exactly myself, so... "

"Wh-what is it?" Derpy asked, finally looking up at the princess and finding her voice somewhere.

"You... you do know who I am?" Celestia asked directly. "Right, Derpy?"

"Of course I do!" Derpy queaked, before looking away in embarassment of her sudden outburst. "Your Princess Celestia..."

"Then," Celestia said while mentally holding her breath. "Why didn't you bow down, or grovel like any other citizen?"

Derpy was silent for a moment before she found her eyes drawn to a particular patch of grass... well, one of them found it interesting. "W-well... I guess I knows what it means to be treated seperately from anypony else," Derpy said. "I mean, being princess is a big job and just being treated like that all the time... all those ponies staring at you, expecting you to do what they think... not even giving you a chance to do anything different... always assuming..." Derpy forced herself to stop. "I'm sorry princess."

"You have no need to apologize," Celestia said in a comforting tone. She leaned in and softly nuzzled the top of Derpy's head. "I am sorry for ever asking. I should have trusted you."

Derpy felt the tips of her wings tingling as she felt Celestia's gentle touch. Her heart was beating so fast, but she strangely felt calm. She hesitatnly looked back up to Celestia, and, for maybe the first time, both eyes focused on her. Celestia's smile was so soft and yet so enchanting to the grey pegasus. For a fleeting moment, she imagined kissing her... However, the expression upon the majestic alicorn was soon replaced by a shocked expression, as Celestia saw the small miracle of Derpy's eyes. The look on her face caused Derpy to snicker slightly as it was a little silly. At this, Derpy's concentration slipped and caused her eyes to become wonky once more. Celestia chuckled at this causing the other to laugh harder. It quickly devolved into a funny face contest, with the two going back and forth to see who could make the other laugh harder. Celestia knew the pegasus had an advantage, but wasn't willing to give in. After a few minutes in though, Celestia found herself with no options left, and had to resort to other tactics.

"Wh-wha-? Hey!" Derpy giggled as Celestia's plush feathers descended down upon her. "That's cheating!"

"Is not," Celestia replied with a slight chuckle. "It is using one's resources."

"Raaaahhh!" Derpy cried out with intense mirth. She managed to break through the blockade of feathers and tackle Celestia. The sudden charge was enough to knock the princess onto her back as Derpy began to use a most dastardly and ancient technique... Blowing razzberries. Almost immediately, Derpy found her opponent's weakness. She planted a barrage of funny sounding buzzes upon the sun princesses neck.

"Had enough?" Derpy asked triumphantly, quickly resorting to a combination of razzberries and tickles from her own wings this time.

"Alright! Alright! I s-surrender!" Celestia finally relented. To this, Derpy rolled off Celestia, recovering from a fit of giggles just as the white alicorn did the same. The two soon gradually stopped and settled into one another's company. They began to look up at the sky. Celestia looked over to Derpy, watching her with a pleasant idleness. She wasn't thinking about work tomorrow, or even anything at all related to the welfare of Equestria. She was happy, just like the mare next to her was. After a while of sitting in this way, the two mares decided to finally unwrap Celestia's lunch she had brought with them.

"What's this?" Derpy asked as she pulled a well worn book from the saddlebags.

"Oh," Celestia chuckled with a happy feeling washing over her. "That happens to be my favorite book in all of Equestria. I thought that you may like to take it with you."

"R-really?" Derpy asked. She looked down with surprise at the tome. "Th-thank you... but..."

"But?" Celestia echoed. "What's wrong?"

"It's a nice gift, and I'm really happy, but..." Derpy's eyes attempted to focus on the mare before her once more, failing and furthuring her next point. "I can't read very well."

"Oh..." The alicorn's eager mood seemingly deflated. Then, a sudden thought of absolute brilliance struck her. "Would you like me to read it to you then?"

"Would I?" Derpy gasped with joy. "I'd love to!"

Celestia almost faltered at hearing that, but maintained her composure. Was she really...?

"Here," Derpy said as she snuggled up with the satchel of various foods. "You can read it while we eat, all right?"

"Of course," Celestia answeed, gently levitating the book over to her.

"What's the story called?" Derpy asked while she fished out some very appetizing looking sandwhiches.

"The Princess Bride..." Celestia said. Perhaps, in her mind, she wished that things could have gone differently today. She wished that maybe instead of sitting here by the lake she would be lying next to an open fire. Laying next to he was the mare beside her now. Then again, she didn't wish anything to change from this very moment. There would always be time for love and sweet romance later. The last thing she wanted to do was to rush anything with Derpy. Despite this thought, she had a hard feeling in her gut, telling her that it would never work out the way she wanted. Rarely anything went the way Celestia had planned it to go, despite many thinking the opposite. To be honest, it was her fault for not getting rid of Sombra the first chance she had or predicting the seeds of disharmony planted by Discord all those years ago. Hay, she didn't even see the changeling queen, Chrysalis, kidnapping her niece, brainwashing the captain of her royal guard, and having that same queen overpowering her, the mighty bringer of the dawn. She attempted to quell these thoughts, but alas; she consigned herself to a final thought on the matter.

"Nothing isn't entirely inconcievable..."