Super PonyBall X: The Seventh Element.

by IndiBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character
Length: 7412

[Troll fic] The Elements of Harmony disappear, and Twilight discovers portals opening up across all of Equestria. Is there a connection?

[Troll fic including strong language and intentionally terrible writing throughout.]

Twilight explores different worlds connected to Equestria via open portals. There she meets a variety of characters from across several universes who will strive to either help or hinder her attempts to find the Elements of Harmony.

Published 2015-04-04 17:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-04 17:40:02 UTC

Red and Black OCs with tragic backstories are shit. Just stop it.

"Where are we, anyway?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, yes!" The Doctor shrieked, "I forgot! We're on Karpabaflobobalobounous! It was the Great Trifearanoflex of the Galanbaranox tribe of Cheshire! Their world underwent some radical discombobulation after their gyroflux went weewoo and all the little Lylo Pax started genopallating toward the Ayrean Sun."

...I didn't even keep up with that one, and I wrote it...

"Put simply, if you like Pina Coladas, you don't wanna get caught in this rain! My ship is over there! Come with me and escape!" The Doctor explained, pointing at a blue box atop a hill. The Doctor ran to his box...though Sonic ran faster, Twilight used her OP magic skills to teleport to the box, and Goku flew. Eventually, the Doctor caught up.

"Wow, Doc" Sonic laughed "you're, like, ~~20%~~ ... ~~over 9000~~ ... ~~gotta go fast~~ ... way slower than the rest of us. We need to get you some faster transport, bro."

The sweaty, out of breath Doctor snarled at Sonic, before composing himself and opening the doors to his TARDIS. The group were lead inside by the Doctor. None were seemingly impressed. This angered the Doctor. "Aren't you going to say it?"

The group looked at him with confused expressions.

"Say what?" Twilight enquired.

"You know..." he waved his arms around manically, signalling the unusual size of the room.

"Oh..." Goku was the first to cotton on. "This is a very nice house you have, Doc!"

"First of all: no. Second of all: stop calling me 'Doc'. It's not 'Doc', it's 'Doctor'. I didn't choose this name so I can have it shortened to resemble some hair-brained numbskull who ended up helping his companion pop his own grandmother's cherry! It's 'Doctor', okay? And no, I mean aren't you going to comment about it being bigger inside than the outside?" (That's what she said!)

To the Doctor's displeasure, each gave short, to the point reasons why this shit wasn't new to them:

Goku: "Hyperbolic Time Chamber"
Twilight: "Canterlot High"
Sonic: "Chilli Dogs."

The Doctor rolled his eyes as he started playing with switches and levers. Twilight, meanwhile, was gazing at the mysterious gem that lay in front of them. "It's so weird," she muttered, "It looks like Rainbow's Element of Harmony..." Twilight was curious "Hey, Goku. How many Dragon Balls are there?"

Goku paused for a moment. "Uh, seven."

"And Sonic, you said this looked like an Emerald of sorts?"

Sonic nodded "Uh, yeah; the Chaos Emeralds. There are seven of those, too."

"Interesting." Twilight racked her brain "I thought there was a connection there, but the problem is there are only six Elements of Harmony in Equestria..."

The Doctor walked up to Goku, snatching the gem from his hand, inspecting it closer. "Your little watch picked this up. Maybe, just maybe, with a little pokey-jiggery, we can hook it up to the TARDIS, and if there are any more, we can find them wherever they are in space... or time..."

Everyone's ears perked and smiles beamed across their collective faces. The Doctor took the Dragon Radar from Goku and promptly began tearing it apart, taking loose wiring from the TARDIS and connecting it to the Radar's motherboard. The ball from the radar disappeared temporarily, before displaying itself on the TARDIS console's monitor.

Suddenly, all 7 gems were displayed on screen. Everyone gasped, laughed and cheered in sweet, cheesy amazement at the magic technological botch job that somehow worked if only for plot convenience!

"Right!" smirked the Doctor "Here's the plan. There are three of you, and we have six of these little doohickies left to find. So! I propose we split up!" The Doctor pushes a lever on his console. Two more exits appear. "The TARDIS has locked onto the locations of three of our little trinkets. All you have to do is walk through those doors, collect your prize and walk back inside."

"How hard can it be?" Jeremy questioned.

"No, don't say that!" shouted Hammond.

"Oh, cock!" exclaimed May.

The Doctor swivelled around to find reruns of Top Gear on Dave playing through the monitor. The Doctor swiftly produces his sonic screwdriver and silences it. "And on that bombshell, it's time to actually do something this chapter. Good night!"

The audience claps as the credits roll.

Previously on Super PonyBall X:

Twilight found some portals.

Sonic got some sweet pony butt.

And I drove the new The Ferrari The Ferrari around our test track.

Bow-dow-wow-waaaaah-wooooah, baaahhhawaaahhh

"Hello!" Jeremy waves at the camera as the audience claps. "Hello! We're back! Yes! Hello and welcome to a very special 3000th series of Top Gear!" Jeremy smiles as he rubs his hands together. "Now we know cars nowadays are nothing like they used to be in the old days and ever since fossil fuels ran out, we've been dealing with these awful-sounding electric replacements. That is...until now!"

"This. Is a Dalek. And It comes. From the planet Skaro. And today... We're going inside!"

"Now this Dalek stands about 5ft tall, and is made from light-weight dalekanium, so it weighs about the same as Boris Johnson. It has a plunger, for plunging things, and a whisk, which can help make a fairly good carrot cake."

"However, when you crack open the hardened dalekanium shell, what you'll find inside is known to be the most dangerous creation... in the multiverse!"

The Doctor sighed as he switched off the TV and looked back at the monitor to check the progress of his newly-found companions.

Twilight was the first to arrive. She found herself back in her own land of Equestria. It had turned dark, and the moon glowed and eerie shade of red. To her disappointment, the gem wasn't in sight. Instead, she was confronted by a large red and black alicorn with a broken horn, bat wings, cat eyes and vampire-like fangs.

The evil enemy pony cackled and bellowed with evil laughter. "Princess!" she yelled. "Your end is now! It is I, Dark Lord Thunderstormblaze! Do you not remember me? I have a long and tragic back story! I was raised by wolves in the freezing Arctic North for one thousand years after my parents died tragically by being murdered by a criminal right in front of me! I inherited the throne, but I didn't want the throne because it wouldn't bring back my dead parents! So I vowed to take my revenge and I did! It has taken 1000 years, but you am now I shall defeat!"

Twilight was terrorfied in terror!

"Twilight!" The Doctor yelled. "You must defeat her and destroy Metal Gear!"

"Yes!" Twilight shouted at the evil OC. "You can not defeat love!" she yelled. Twilight galloped full speed toward the alicorn, crying her cryingest war cry! She leapt full force into the evil mare and hugged the loving shit out of her! The evil alicorn OC tried to flee, but Twilight's grasp was too strong! She could feel the evil inside her being defeated, and it was good! The evil inside her, she let it go, and the goodness became her. She tranformed into a dorable white and gold filly with the biggest, most kawaii eyes you ever saw.

Lying by her side was a gem! This one was orange, and it contained three of Applejack's Element of Harmony. The evil OC was the gem! And defeating the evil inside her unlocked the gem which lets us move onto the next level!

"Well done!" cheered the Doctor. "You won! Now you have to carry the gem back to the TARDIS!"

Twilight heard the Doctor and did as he said because she knew it was the right thing to do and that's what what she done.

"Okay!" clapped the Doctor as Twilight came back through the doors. "Now we can check on the others!"

Author's Note

Sauce for 'Top Hoof' image.

This is my full potential, huh? So it's...

Author's Note

Did you know?
Sandwiches are a great source of bread. Mine them with a golden pickaxe!

This is my full potential, huh? So it's...

Goku found himself on a strange, exotic world. It was full of weird, bendy trees and the distinct smell of hot dogs lingered in the air. Goku noticed in front of him a green gem containing six pink butterflies, but the allure of the hot dogs was too much. "Can't go very far, can it?" he questioned. "Should probably pick it up, just in case." The Saiyan picked up the gem, and flew off to the source of the heavenly smell.

The smell came from a hot dog stand. Behind the stand stood a figure standing behind the standing hot dog stand stood. The kind red and black-coloured gentleman served Goku the biggest dog he'd ever seen. It was like a Great Dane, but Greater, and Daner. Goku tried gulping the whole thing at once, but he struggled to take the long, thick, meaty dog that slithered down deep into his throat.

Goku couldn't take it and began choking. It was at that very moment the tall, dark stranger began laughing. The laugh had a peculiar ring to it that he'd heard before, and that's when he heard the words "Die, monkey!" protrude from the gentleman's mouth. It was Freezer! The red and black Freezer laughed as he presented Goku with melted and warm Ben & Jerry's. Freezer slammed his door on Goku's face, sending him flying, and unchoking the the dog from Goku.

"Freezer!" Goku screamed.

"Look at me!" Freezer's handle smirked. "Look at the magnificence of my final final final form!"

"It's no good!" cried Goku. "He's too strong! I can't beat him!" Goku's shirt tore itself from the intense fight.

King Kai gasped. "No, Goku, you can't!" but it was too late, Freezer removed a pork chop from his top shelf.

"How long has that been defrosting?" Goku asked, a tear rolling down his face.

"A whole week!" Freezer chortled, triumphantly.

King Kai couldn't believe it "No! It's totally spoiled! You can't cook that now!" he bellowed.

Goku slammed his fists on the ground "It would have made a delicious meal." he choked, reaching out for the soggy chop. "I'll defeat him. I swear on Yamcha's life, I will avenge you!!"

Goku took his time to study Freezer's movements, and just by chance, he noticed Freezer's tail plug. It wasn't plugged in! He quickly flew over to grab it, but Freezer was to smrt and reeled it in.

"Bwahaha! Monkey, did you really think you could grab my tail plug? Even if you did plug it in, you could never re-freezer this minted lamb!" Freezer threw the lamb at Goku's face. The little mint leaves stuck to Goku's face. The saiyan was least impressed. He threw a ball of energy at Freezer, but Freezer knocked it away with his door. "You can't beat me, my power level is maximum!"

"No!" rebutted Goku (heh, butt). "You am not Brolly! I will defeat you now!" Goku knocked Freezer into th ground, but he was not defeat, but he was showing his butt (heh, butt). Goku took this opportunity to focus a beam of energy straight to Freeer's tail plug. Goku penetrated Freezer's tail deeply. Freezer moaned. Goku pushed harder and deeper, making Freezer groan louder and louder.

Goku knew he would destroy Freezer, but he did not stop. He wanted Freezer to feel his full force. The saiyan thrust his beam harder into Freezer, making Freezer tremble. "Stop! B-baka!" Freezer pleaded, but Goku did not want to stop. He was almost finished. He gave it one last heave and his energy spurted all over Freezer's back. Freezer was now defeated. Goku was exhausted. He needed about ten minutes to collect himself before he could go again.

Goku took his gem. He left Freezer, but he deleted Freezer's number from his phone because he didn't want to give so much again without getting anything in return. Goku wept because Freezer was selfish. He felt dirty, unclean and unloved. A tear rolled down his face as he took what dignity he had left and departed back to the TARDIS.

Meanwhile, Sonic had arrived on his home planet of Mobius. There, he found himself in the midst of darkness, though he could hear a Shadow-y figure shuffling around. Sonic could see the faintest of pink glows in the distance. He apperoached the glow, but saw a Shadow looming over it! Sonic gasped! "Ah!" he gasped. "Who's there?" he asked. "Mr Eggbuttnick! You better not be stealing my plans or We're going to have some very stern words!" he frowned.

"No!" said the Shadow. "It's is I, Shadow!"

"I can see you're a Shadow butt I can't see who the Shadow is!" Sonic cried.

"It is I, Shadow!" the Shadow repeated "Shadow The Hedgehog!"

Sonic gasped! "Ah!" he gasped. He was so startled at the startling revelation that the Shadow revealed was Shadow that he gasped! "Ah!" Sonic gasped!

"Why are you here?" Shadow riddled.

"I'm here for a gem!" Sonic boldly stated.

"This gem. It came to me. It spoke to me. It wanted to be my friend, and I its friend. I've never had a friend before, Sonic. Do you know why?"

"I can't imagine why..." Sonic crie.

"It's because I have a tragic backstory! And look at me! I'm black! And red! I'm like... I'm like an OC, but I'm real!" Shadow suffered. "I am the pinnacle, the number one, the tragic red and black OC to top all red and black OC's. I'm not allowed friends, because that would make my story less tragic, and any friends I do have are taken away from me to make my story even more tragic!" Shadow retreated to the Shadows, "And to top off the onslaught of cliché character development, they made me immortal! My biggest tragedy is that I have to live out a story that gets more tragic each day for all eternity."

"It's not that bad, Shadow. At least you still have a fan-base that isn't just made up of Chris-chan."

"I don't want to hear it, Thomas! You cam here for your gem, so take your gem, b-baka!" Shadow threw the gem at Sonic. Sonic was too quick, though, and caught the gem! The gem was pink and contained five blue and yellow balloons.

"Thank you, Shadow. Your are my BFF 5eva, because 5eva is more than 4eva!" Sonic hugged Shadow. Shadow blushed.

"Sonic-kun!" Shadow sighed. "Before you go, there's one thing I've always wanted to know..."

"What is it?" Sonic enquired, softly.

"D- ...do you... like me, Sonic-kun?" Shadow was flushed with embarrassment.

Sonic immediately released Shadow from his embrace. It's not that he didn't like Shadow, but was taken by surprise by his interest. "Shadow, I..." Sonic's lip quivered with emotion. "I do."

"You do??" Shadow gasped in surprise.

"Yes, I do... and I've always wondered if you feel the same way. Maybe we...could share a kissu?" Sonic blushed.

"Kissu??!" Shadow trembled. "but that would be embarrassing!" his face glowed red.

"Please, Shadow-senpai! For me?" Sonic pushed.

Shadow turned away in embarrassment, then turned to Sonic-kun in anger. "Fine, Sonic-kun, I will kiss you! But it's not because I like you or anything, b-baka!!" Shadow shouted.

Sonic wasted no time. He pulled Shadow close, held him tightly and kissed him passionately under the setting sun. Shadow moaned with pleasure from Sonic's dominance. He felt a wave of relaxation overcome him as Sonic held Shadow's waist and their lips met one another's. As Sonic pulled away, Shadow panted with excitement. He stood there, trying to take in the reality of what had just transpired.

Sonic looked back lovingly at Shadow, as he took his gem, smiled and departed back to the TARDIS.

"S-Sonic-kun?" Shadow mumbled as Sonic disappeared from view, grasping his pink gem.

...all internet references from here.

"4277?" The Doctor muttered, observing the screen. His attention was diverted by the return of Goku and Sonic from their respective misadventures. He beamed at the sight of two more gems. "Great! That's four we have now." he leapt around the console of the TARDIS to press a couple of buttons and flip a switch. "So I've locked the TARDIS onto the locations of the final three gems. All you need to do now is walk through and collect them!"

Goku observed the doors. "This should be easy!" he grinned.

"Let's do this." Twilight cheered.

"Gotta go fast!" Sonic chanted.

"Al onsie!" Dr. Smirked.

They all laughed gleefully.

Each of them chose a door and went through. The Doctor looked back to his screen, observing an ever decreasing number. "4132," he sighed. "we're already more than half way."

Meanwhile, Twilight was dealing with being the centre of attention in a world where they don't see many talking ponies. 'These creatures' she thought to herself. 'I've read about these creatures. I thought they were just a myth, but here they are.' she pondered for a moment before coming to a shocking revelation 'Oh... Oh, this is bad... now I'm going to have to release Lyra from the mental asylum. That's going to be awkward...'

The crowd's attention was taken by the sound of gunshots and screaming. A group of men dressed in black with faces covered in balaclavas ran out of a nearby jewellery store, entered a car and sped off. Quickly following them were three green anthropomorphic turtles each wearing a coloured bandanna. "Stop, thieves!" they yelled repeatedly as the car drove off, but they did not stop for the turtles.

"Thieves?" Twilight frowned. The smart purple pony saw an opportunity. She used her long, hard, magical horn to levitate the vehicle and bring it back to the turtles who were clearly the local police force. The turtles tore the thieves out of their car and proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit out of them. One even went so far as to slam a guy's head in the car door. Twilight was shocked and outraged. She darted over to the turtles and threw them away from the thieves with her magic.

"Oh no you don't!" shouted the one wearing the red bandanna as he picked himself up and stormed toward Twilight. The Princess of Friendship blocked his path with a wall of magic. "Let me at him, let me at him!" the enraged turtle yelled at smart pone.

"No!" she snarled. "You could have apprehended the thieves in a civilised and non-violent manner. You have no right to call yourselves law enforcement."

The turtles looked at each other in bewilderment. The one with the blue bandanna stepped forward. "Who ever said we were law enforcement?" he held up his weapons "What kind of police carry daggers and swords? We're ninja turtles, princess, and those assholes right there just shot our friend."

Twilight saw behind the turtle into the store that had been robbed. The turtle wearing the purple bandanna was knelt on the floor, comforting his falling comrade. "It's okay, Mikey, we'll get you back to Splinter, we can fix you up there." he cried. The one wearing the orange bandanna looked back up at his turtle friend and he held up a hand. Purple turtle held Mikey's hand. "No. Don't waste your energy."

"Dude," Mikey groaned "it's alright," he coughed "I know..." he spluttered.

"Mikey..." purple turtle wept.

"I know I'm not going to make it."

"Don't say that, Mikey. We're going to fix you up, just hold on."

"It's alright," Mikey explained "you don't have to be afraid." he continued. "This is it for me, and I regret nothing."

"Mikey, no..." purple cried.

"I've lived a great life with the best of friends. I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Come on, Mikey. You're going to be fine."

Mikey shook his head "No. Donatello, listen. I want you to take this." Mikey handed Donatello a white gem containing seven diamonds.

'Rarity's element!' Twilight thought.

Mikey used all of his strength to hand Donatello the gem. His hand fell to the floor and his head rolled back in Donatello's arms. Donatello shook Mikey. "No..." he choked, shaking Mikey to try and get a response. "Mikey?" he continued. "Come on Mikey, wake up." his friends looked on in horror. "Mikey!" Donatello shouted, holding his deceased friend tightly. "No..." he cried. "Noooooooooo!"

His friends wept for their fallen comrade. Even Twilight was struck by emotion. The skies darkened, a roar of thunder was heard and rain began to pour. The sound of the rain beating on the path outside and the windows of the store were broken up by the tearful cries of Donatello.

He stared eye to eye with Mikey. "I should have told you..." he spluttered, "I never took the chance, and now you'll never know how I feel, Mikey." he cried. "I love you." he embraced his friend in one final hug, "I fucking love you, man."

The turtle wearing the red bandanna knelt down beside Donatello and rested an arm on his back. "Come on, Donatello."

Donatello's moment of comforting had passed. He wailed upon hearing those words from his friend. He knew he had to leave Mikey and go on with life on his own. He was stricken with grief. He closed the eyes of his friend and placed him on the floor. As he got up and turned away, Twilight noticed his grief had turned to rage. He locked Twilight in his sights. "Get out of my way!" he bellowed as he stormed towards the princess. Twilight raised her defences. Donatello slammed into the barrier of magic, hammering at it with his fists. Twilight struggled to fend him off. Donatello continued to thrash away, but it was no use as Twilight's magic proved to be too strong.

"I won't let you near them. They are thieves, yes, they also killed your friend, I understand what emotions are coursing through you right now, but you must have a legal system that will give them an appropriate sentence for their crimes. If you take your anger out on them in an act of revenge, you'll also be punished by the legal system. Let the courts deal with them." Twilight reasoned.

"Don't be so dense!" scorned the blue bandanna. "We won't get any representation in court, and we certainly don't have rights. We're mutants - we live in the sewers. Besides, given the amount of corruption in the legal system, they'll be back on the streets in no time. We will have lost Mikey for nothing!"

The red bandanna stood forward "Look. You're either with us or against us. Hand those guys over or we'll take them from you." he growled.

Twilight intensified her defences. "No!"

The red one steam-rolled into Twilight's magic barrier, the other two followed suit. Twilight dug her hooves in, but the force of all three of them was pushing her back. Twilight put more energy into her defences to give try and level the playing field.

"Twilight!" called the voice of the Doctor. "What are you doing? We need that gem."

"I'm in the middle of something right now, Doctor!" Twilight groaned.

"Well hurry it up; we've got some trouble on this side, too, we need your help!" the Doctor explained.

Twilight dug deep into her reserves of strength to push all three turtles back. She saw the gem lying on the floor. The turtles were resilient. They quickly got back up and prepared another charge.

"Wait!" Twilight yelled. "That gem..." she pointed with her head toward the white gem. "I need that gem. You give me that gem, and..." she stopped herself mid-sentence. She couldn't bear to do this, but her new friends needed her "...and I'll let you have them." she sighed disappointingly at herself. The turtles contemplated her decision for a moment. The turtle wearing the blue bandanna walked over to the gem and picked it up.

"You want it? Here." he threw the gem at Twilight. Twilight immediately lowered her defences and grabbed the gem. The robbers took their opportunity and fled immediately. The turtles were about to give chase when they heard police sirens. They fled in the opposite direction. Twilight vanished, reappearing in front of the TARDIS doors. She got what she came for, though she couldn't help but think about the fact she was about to send a group of men to a potentially fatal beating.

Author's Note

You were expecting clever author's notes, but it was I, Dio!

This chapter is, like, 20% cooler than the rest of this fic.

Author's Note

You know you could have made this a more pleasurable reading experience for yourself had you just not read this at all. You know that, right?
Alternatively, you could have read it backwards, or not at all!
I did mention the bit where you didn't have to read this, right?
Because - spoilers - that's the moral of the story; to have not wasted your time and read this story.
You could have done something much more productive today.
Not to mention the fact you are now aware that there is a spooky scary skeleton inside of you.

Also, I may have glitched the author's notes, because I can see notes at the top and bottom of this chapter.

This chapter is, like, 20% cooler than the rest of this fic.

Goku found himself in a metropolis of his own. Skyscrapers scraped the sky, cars drove through the busy streets, and pedestrians sprawled across the sidewalks. He was facing a museum. The Saiyan figured the gem must have been inside, so he decided to have a browse of the museum to see if he could find it. He saw lots of different things, but nothing particularly interesting, until he stumbled inside a dark room with a light pointed at a glass case. Inside the case was a purple gem. "Hey, it looks like Dwight's butt-tattoo... heh, butt."

"The museum will be closing in fifteen minutes" said the loud speaker.

"Oh no!" Goku said to himself, "I have to figure out a way to get this out of here without causing too much trouble! Good thing the Doctor gave me this invisibility cloak!" he said, producing a large white towel from his somewhere. He threw the towel up in the air and caught it with his head. "Oh no!" Goku panicked, "I thought it was supposed to make me invisible, but it's just made everything else invisible! I can't see a thing!"

Luckily, Goku was smart and carried a knife at all times. "Hold your knife pointy side up when running, that way if you fall, you won't accidentally scratch the floor, and remember kids, you can run faster with a knife. It also helps if you bunny hop." He pulled his knife to the invisibility cloak and stabbed a couple of eye holes in the front.

Goku stealthily knocked the glass casing over, setting off the alarms. In a panic, Goku simply grabbed the gem and retreated to the corner of the room. 'I might have to maintain use of both of my arms, just in case something happens, but where can I put this gem?' he thought. Then a great idea struck him! 'If I put it on my head, the cloak will keep it in place on my head!'

Goku placed the gem on his head and kept to the corner. Security stood just outside the room. "We know you're in there. Come out with your hands up!"

Goku didn't move. He knew they couldn't see him. Goku got distracted by a discarded pretzel. "Ooh! Pretzel!" he picked it up and ate it, but it didn't go down very well and he started to cough. He wondered what else was in the museum, so he walked around the dark room looking towards the exit. He came into view of the security guards who had their weapons trained on him. They were shocked to see a fully-grown man dressed in a white cloak with a pointy hat.

Suddenly, Goku spotted something he remembered watching on TV. He raised his arm to point at it. "White Power-" he choked on his pretzel. "White Power-" he coughed and spluttered.

The guards were horrified. "Stand back or we'll shoot!"

Goku, however, was convinced he couldn't be seen... or heard, apparently - because invisibility cloaks are well renowned for their ability to completely block sound waves - and continued on his merry way towards the Power Rangers exhibition. The guards began unloading their clips into Goku's body and face. "Ow!" Goku cried.

The guards were terrified of the man before them who had taken no less than a dozen rounds at point blank range and was not only alive, but seemingly unhurt.

Before their darkest fears were realised, however, a man came crashing into the room. He was tall, white, and had a lot of product in his hair. He wore red and blue pyjamas, complete with a red cape and had a big 'S' on his chest.

'S?' Goku pondered. "Squiggle-man!" Goku cheered.

The comfortably-dressed man was unimpressed. "You've stolen a precious jewel. Please return it and turn yourself into the authorities."

Goku looked blankly at the man. "Wait, can you see me?"

"Of course!" he replied.

"Oh yeah. X-ray vision must let you see through invisibility cloaks, too!" Goku smiled through the cloak, "I'm Goku. I'm here to take this gem back to my new friends. Don't tell those guys, though; I don't think they want me to take it from their museum."

"I shall give you one more warning, citizen. Return that exhibit to the exhibit so that the exhibitionists can exhibit the exhibit!"

"No. This is my gem." Goku explained.

"That gem belongs to the museum. If you have discrepancy over ownership of the gem, you can file a report, but this is theft and I cannot allow that!" the under-dressed individual stated with unparalleled charisma.

"But I need it!" Goku cried.

The big 'S' man laughed! "For what purpose?" he chuckled.

Goku was stumped... "Actually, that hasn't been explained yet. I mean it's heavily implied that three sets of mysterious gems from three different universes have merged, but that hasn't been outright stated. Also, we were never really given any motivation to go searching for these things other than 'oh, look, we found one and we have a radar that shows us the locations of the rest'. So no. I have no idea why I need it. The gems from my universe are called Dragon Balls and they grant you any wish you want, though it is heavily dependent on plot convenience. I haven't really been told what the gems do from the other universes, but I'm sure it's for something good or useful to the plot."

"Regardless. I cannot allow you to take the museum piece."

Goku flung off his invisibility cloak, revealing his true form! He placed the gem inside his somewhere and lowered his stance, ready for a fight. "Then I guess we're going to have a problem."

The well-gelled man was shocked. "You have several guns trained on you, and you're standing in front of me - Superman - the Man of Steel - the strongest being on this planet! You can't seriously expect to fight your way through us..."

"Well I've got news for you." Goku growled "Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams, but it does heat it to the point of substantial structural weakness. Also, Xzibit is a terrible artist..."

"...but" Goku continued, "my fight is not with Xzibit, it's with you. I am San Goku, and I am the strongest there is!"

Goku screamed his waringest war scream and charged at Superman. Superman blocked Goku's thrown punches and kicks with little effort. Goku powered up and started throwing balls of energy at Superman, but Superman blocked those, too, but he didn't deflect them because he'd damage the museum and Superman didn't want to damage the museum because that would be bad and cost lots of money which Superman didn't have because Superman didn't have a paying job and he wasn't claiming any income support.

Superman laid out a few punches over Goku's face. This hurt Goku, but not much. Goku turned gay-o-ken, his fabulous sparkling pink aura surrounding him and went full bitch slapping Superman, but Superman felt nothing, merely a fly on his face, which seemed a little inconvenient and a bit weird until he realised it was undone which explained where the breeze was coming from so he tucked himself back in and zipped it up.

Superman placed his hand in front of Goku, and sternly shouted "Stop!" Goku froze in place, ready to re-enter Superman's face with his fists of ultimate fury. "You're holding back on me, I know. Why don't we take this somewhere where you needn't worry about holding back on me?"

Goku smirked. "Sure thing."

Superman turned to leave the museum, but as he did, his cape swooshed in front of Goku giving him a fantastic idea. Goku grabbed Superman's cape and wrapped it tightly around his neck. Superman had not the strength to remove Goku from his neck. Superman was being chocked out! "Stop chocking me!" he spluttered.

The guards dropped their weapons and zerg-rushed Goku, but Goku was not phased by puny humans of such tiny power levels. He simply powered up, sending them all flying with a shockwave of energy. Superman was struggling to breathe. He was losing consciousness. Goku kept chocking him until he stopped struggling. He laid Superman out on the floor and as quick as he could he grabbed the gem and got the fuck out.

He escaped back to the TARDIS with his life intact. What he came back to, though, was a complete surprise...

The Seventh Element.

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

You have one chance to turn back. I suggest you take that chance.

Author's Note

This isn't a well-written story, it's not comedic, it's not clever, and it's not worth reading. Seriously, read the chapter title. Don't waste your afternoon. You could be doing something much more productive than this. Turn back. Turn back now, and never let the curiosity overcome you.

Just because I wrote this crap, doesn't mean you have to read it. For all of you who do not heed this warning, may your chosen deity have mercy upon your soul.

That said, if you are insisting on subjecting yourself to this, perhaps you'd like to try the first chapter out in audio form (as created by a fan).

You have one chance to turn back. I suggest you take that chance.

Twilight galloped across Ponyville. She saw terrible monsters and devious demons pouring out from the Everfree Forest attacking young, innocent ponies. 'My Sweet Celestia' she thought 'What's going on?'. Smart purple pony looked in the cottage for the shy yellow one, but she wasn't there. She looked in the clouds for the fast blue one, but she was nowhere to be seen. She tore up a nice dress to summon forth the white ~~supremacist~~ one, but she heard no moans of self-indulgence. She denounced apples to bring forth the orange inbred one, but she was not in her brother's bedroom. She even pre-read this story in search of the pink diabetic, but she was nowhere in the scripture!

My little pony realised she was all alone. She cried as the world around her fell apart, but there was no time for tears now, only dreams.

A loud rumble was rumbling behind the pretty purple princess pony. She observed a large, black void in the sky. She knew not what was happening, nor what was to happen. The big, round blackness sucked Twilight in. One trippy transition later, and she found herself in another world.

"Hey!" a voice called from below. "Get offa me!" he screeched. Twilight's large, well-rounded, sexy rump was parked precariously upon his chest.

"Oh my!" she moaned. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay." he said, brushing off the dirt and grass from Twilight's mud-covered ass. "Hey, I don't think I ever seen you before. What's your name?"

"I'm Twilight Sparkle," she smiled "and you?"

Sonic observed the mare's over-sized backside, peering curiously at her butt stamp. "Is that a tattoo?"

Twilight looked at her butt "This? It's a cutie mark. We ponies get them when we find out what we're good at."

Sonic scratched his head "A bit trashy, but okay." He realised he hadn't answered Twilight's question "I'm Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog.".

Twilight snorted at his 'trashy' remark. She did notice, however, that she was somewhere entirely new. The grass and the trees seemed different here. She'd never seen greenery like this before "So, uh, where am I?"

Sonic didn't reply; he'd just noticed the large portal that Twilight had been sucked through. "Whoa, what is this?"

Twilight shook her head "Well, it's a portal, but I have no idea why it's here."

Sonic curiously reached up. The next thing he knew, he was in another world. Twilight panicked. "Sonic!" she shouted, but she received no reply through the portal. "Great, now I'm going to have to follow him in." she sighed, taking a quick look around before leaping through the portal.

Unbeknownst to either of them, there was a sinister presence near by, chuckling quietly to himself - the dreaded Dr ~~Eggman~~ - ha, ha, haaaa... no. Doctor Robotnik. Robotnik. 'Eggman', my arse.

Anyway. Twilight and Sonic found themselves on desolate land. It was light brown dirt and rocks as far as the eye could see. Their attention was caught by a thundering boom, followed by more thundering booms. The thundering booms thundered and boomed. There were two objects jumping across the sky at blinding speeds, crashing into each other, causing huge disturbances in the air and the ground.

With one mighty whomp, one of the objects came speeding past Twilight and Sonic. It was a man! He slammed into the ground, churning up rocks and debris, and leaving a trail on the ground leading to his body. He got up just as fast as he was knocked down, screamed in anger and flew off again. As he made his way back, he was suddenly consumed by another portal that appeared in the sky!

Twilight gasped. Her mind was trying to figure out just what was going on. She flapped her pretty princess wings and proceeded to penetrate the precarious portal. Sonic followed.

On the other side of the portal lay a dark and mysterious world. The sky was dark and empty, rivers ran red, and the grass was jet black. Twilight and Sonic found the man who had flown through the portal. He was on the ground, struggling to get to his feet. Twilight and Sonic helped him up.

"Hey, thanks, guys" he groaned.

"No problem!" exclaimed Sonic.

"What happened?" the mysterious fellow questioned.

Twilight looked up to the portal "I don't know. Something is happening to these worlds, and whatever it is, I don't think it's good."

Suddenly, they all heard a rustling of the grass behind them. Another strange man, dressed in a weird blue coat, matching trousers and a pair of oversized boots came floundering toward them. "There's another one! Another one!" he whipped out a strange device from his coat and pointed it toward the portal. It lit up and made a strange buzzing noise. The portal began making an ungodly sound, before slowly closing and disappearing. "There! All better."

Twilight looked stunned "What did you just do?"

The strange man looked at Twilight, perplexed. "Did that uni- peg- ...that purple, uh pega...corn thingy just talk?"

Twilight snorted again "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and yes, I did. And who are you exactly?"

The man stood tall, smiled proudly and decreed "I am the Doctor!"

Twilight rolled her eyes; "Doctor Who?" Everyone cheered as Twilight took the bait! "Oh, grow up!" she growled.

The Doctor caught the eye of the blue hedgehog "What the hell is that thing?" he enquired. Sonic perked an eyebrow (I think... does Sonic actually have eyebrows?). "Does that one talk, too?" the Doctor quizzed.

Sonic sighed "I'm a hedgehog, and yes, I do. Name's Sonic."

Twilight intervened "Okay, well, that's enough of the introductions. Jeez. If we keep having to repeat everyone's name every time a new character comes in, this entire story will just be made up of people introducing themselves, and I sincerely doubt anyone wants to read several thousand words of that."

"Well, you know" the author wrote "it's not like anyone is reading this trash by now anyway, right? I mean, come on, an MLP/Sonic/DragonBall Z/Doctor Who crossover? People are going to take one look at this and just 'nope' the fuck out of here."

Sonic interrupted "So if nobody is reading this, then what's the point in writing it?"

"Meh. I'm bored, and I need something to do to fill my time in between writing stuff that people might actually enjoy. Thus, this monstrosity is born. Besides, it's not as if you've done anything good in your career since Sonic Adventure 2. I might have to fix that one myself. I'd have to make it another crossover, though, if I want to host it on Fimfiction." the author paused for a second, pondering the idea, before continuing "My input on this story is going to have to be limited anyway, it's called the 4th wall, not the Berlin wall."

Suddenly, the gang heard a bleeping. It was coming from the only guy who hadn't been introduced properly. He reached inside of his clothing, pulling out a strange, oversized pocket watch. The screen pulsed and a small dot flashed near the top right. The holder was bemused.

The Doctor creeped toward him "That's a pretty big watch you've got there."

"Where are we?" asked the stranger "We're not on Earth, and we're not on Namek, but the Dragon Radar is picking up a Dragon Ball."

The Doctor's eyebrows came together "Dragon Ball?"

The large-haired guy smiled "Yeah. There are seven mysterious orbs created by Namekians which yield great powers. They can grant you any wish you want!"

The Doctor frowned "Wishes? Oh, come on. You believe in such nonsense? Who are you, anyway? With your big hair, big eyes and orange karate costume, you look like some kind of anime character!"

"I'm Goku!" he smiled gleefully. "And I'm not making it up. Once you've collected all seven, you summon the Eternal Dragon who grants you any wish you desire. I've made plenty of wishes before... usually bringing my friends back from the dead, though, now that I think about it... and panties, that one time." The rest of the group weren't quite sure what to say. "The radar thinks there's a Dragon Ball near by. Wait here a minute and I'll go scope it out." and in a flash, he was gone.

Twilight stared at the Doctor with her special eyes "What are you?"

"I'm a Time Lord" the Doctor smirked pretentiously, like he was a smug-as-shit God or something.

"What does that taste like?" asked the blue ~~faget~~ hedgehog.

The Doctor leaned back, like Michael Jackson, or those guys from the old Fosters adverts, sniffed in a huge whiff of his own self-importance, and with a sense of complete self-admiration, cocked his head to one side, staring off into the distance and said "Oh, nothing special, I just, you know, travel time, defeat the bad guys, save the Multiverse, sonic a few things... no biggie."

"Multiverse?" Twilight quizzed as Goku magically reappeared, holding a strange ball.

"Found it!" he beamed. "But it doesn't look like any Dragon Ball I've ever seen. Look! It's blue, it's got weird lightning bolts on it instead of stars, and it's shaped like a-"

"Emerald!" Sonic piped up, staring at the gem.

"And those lightning bolts look like the cutie mark of my friend Rainbow Dash!" Twilight explained.

The group gazed at whatever the hell was in front of them, trying to comprehend the meaning.

"Well," the Doctor swaggered, peering at the gem whilst twitching his spectacles "seems like our meeting wasn't an accident! It looks like we've all been brought together for a purpose. What that purpose is, though? I have no idea."

Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnn!