Never Have I Ever

by TheNewYorkBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3866

Rainbow Dash coaxes the girls into playing a good ol' game of Never Have I Ever, which has some interesting turnouts.

Twilight's visiting through the portal once again for a sleep over at Pinkie's and Dash decides it's high time that she learn about one of her favorite slumber party games. (There isn't any actual sex, but there is some crude sexual humor and talks of sex.)
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Featured on 12/3/14! *Rarity voice* You like me! You really really like me!

Published 2014-12-02 18:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-02 18:40:07 UTC

The Only Chapter This Story Needs

It was once again time for one of Twilight’s monthly visits. She entered through the portal at noon as school ended, surprising her friends when they walked out of school and saw her leaning against the portal/statue.

“Twilight!” They all cried, and soon the seven girls were engulfed in an enormous group hug.

“It’s...me,” Twilight said to them sheepishly as they pulled apart. She smiled. “I actually have a lot more freedom to stay this time. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia are preparing for the royal er, sleepover? And said that all royal duties could be put on hold for the entire weekend!”

The girls around her cheered.

“Wait a minute,” Fluttershy piped. “Princesses have sleepovers? With each other?” She pushed a pink strand of hair out of her face, her eyes big with curiosity.

“Of course,” Twilight replied. “Why wouldn’t they? Just because we’re all royalty doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

“Did someone say ‘fun’?!” Pinkie bubbled, popping out of Twilight’s backpack. Gasping, she went back inside the bag and popped out again. “I knew it! We’re missing a certain purple and green doggie!”

Twilight chuckled. “Spike couldn’t make it this time. He said he was helping our Rarity with something. But he does say hello.” The others nodded, not quite sure how to respond to that.

“Speaking of sleepovers,” Dash said, putting an arm around Twilight, “How’s about you come to the one we’re having at Pinkie’s tonight?” a mischievous grin formed on her face. “I can show you one of my favorite games.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ho yeah? An’ which one would that be?” She challenged.

Dash turned to her with her shit eating grin even bigger. Grabbing the farm girl’s Stetson off her head and putting it on her own, she said, “You’ll just have to wait and see, hayseed!” before she took off running down the block.

“Hey! Give that back!” Applejack called after her as the others began their walk towards Pinkie’s house as well.

“Never Have I Ever?” Twilight asked confusedly, looking from Dash to the other girls.

After three rounds of hot chocolate, four movies, and two giant bowls of popcorn, Twilight had remembered what Dash said, and was completely intrigued as to what this game was. The name was lost on her, and she figured it must be a game only played in this world since she was sure the girls back home probably wouldn’t know what it was. Though truthfully, she couldn’t speak for them, since this was her third sleepover and of the three, two of them had been in this world.

“It’s a game we usually play when it’s just us,” Sunset explained. “Basically the whole point is to say ‘Never Have I Ever’ and insert a random experience. Each one of us will hold up ten fingers. If one of us has had that experience, then we put a finger down. Get it?”

Twilight nodded. “Sort of.” She tapped her chin. “Does the person with the most fingers down win?” She directed towards Sunset.

Dash let out a loud snort.

“Let’s just say that you don’t want to be that person,” Sunset advised her, patting her on the back. “Okay, who’s gonna start?” She called around the circle.

“Oh! Oh! Me! Me! Me!” Pinkie chanted, waving her hand in the air like she does in class when she was itching to tell the teacher the answer. “It’s been a while since we’ve played it, and I never get to start us off!”

“Well then do us the honors, Pinks!” Dash roared with laughter, putting her hands up.

Rarity rolled her eyes as she put up her hands. “Something tells me we’re only playing this because Twilight is here,” She grumbled.

Pinkie waited until the rest of the girls were ready before starting. “Okay...Never Have I Ever....Walked in on my parents!”

Dash doubled over. “What the fuck, Pinkie?!" She asked, gasping for air. “What a way to start the game!” Nonetheless though, she put one finger down.

Rarity and Fluttershy did the same.

Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed. “Walked in on them doing what?” She cast a glance at Rarity, who was to her left.

“Oh honey,” Rarity cooed, tapping her thigh.

“Okay, who wants to go next?” Pinkie asked.

“I’ll go,” Sunset volunteered. “Never have I ever...been stuffed in a locker.”

Fluttershy put a finger down.

Sunset’s eyes down casted. “Sorry about that, Flutters.” She mumbled, hugging herself.

The animal caretaker shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. That was the old you. And I know the new you would never do something like that.” She assured the older girl, rubbing her hand affectionately.

“Me next!” Dash shouted. “Never Have I Ever...” She paused with a cheeky grin. “Humped my pillow.”

The other girls except for Twilight blushed profusely. Most of them had forgotten that they had to be completely honest for a game like this. They exchanged embarrassed looks before putting a finger down. Twilight gave them all a precarious look, begging for an explanation.

Sunset, who was on her right, whispered something into her ear. A slight blush crept onto her own lavender skin, and she too put a finger down.

Dash’s eyebrows shot up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Twilight?! Seriously?! I never pegged you to be a girl who likes to pleasure herself! Don’t you have like guards who would jump at the chance to do that for you?”

Twilight blushed even more at the implications at what her rainbow haired human friend had said. “Not exactly, no,” She answered, burying her face in her hands, a behavior more akin to Fluttershy than her. “To be honest those types of guards are reserved for Celestia and Luna....my sister in law Cadence even has a few for when my brother goes away to war or something. Plus....I grew up around most of those guards, so having them touch me in any sexual way would be weird.”

“What about you, Sunset? You stayed with the princess before you came here. Any good stories?” Dash turned to her. wiggling her eyebrows.

“Uh, no, I was about Twilight’s age when I left so ditto on the awkwardness.” Sunset responded, trying to hide her blush.

“It’s expected for you guys and Pinkie to be into that stuff,” Dash continued, twirling her finger, "But Fluttershy?!” She swiveled around to point to the meek girl in disbelief. “I guess it always is the quiet ones.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Who’s turn is it?” she demanded, itching to change the subject. Though she knew with Dash playing, they were going to revisit it at least three more times.

“Ah guess Ah will,” Applejack cleared her throat. “Never Have Ah Ever...” She glanced at Rainbow with a triumphant look. “Kissed a girl.”

Rainbow Dash glared at the farm girl, but vehemently put a finger down.

Sunset giggled “I think somehow we all knew that was to be expec-” She spluttered, cutting herself off. “Fluttershy?!”

Fluttershy stopped putting her finger down midway as everyone stared at her in surprise. “Well...who do you think kissed her?” She asked, expectantly with a raised brow. “It was sixth grade.”

Twilight also put a finger down. “The female to male ratio in Equestria is really uneven so you can’t blame a po- girl for getting curious.” She hastily spelled out.

“Okay well then, guess I’ll be taking over,” Rarity took a deep breath. “Never Have I Ever touched a boner.”

“That sounds like it hurts.” Twilight commented, causing the other girls to giggle.

“Yea, it does, depending on where you put it.” Dash joked, causing all the other girls to howl with even more laughter.

“Guess no one lost for that one,” Applejack said, stretching.

Twilight puffed out her cheeks after Sunset had explained the joke to her. “You guys can’t just use human slang around me like that! I’ve only had a month’s equivalent of days in this world and I still don’t know about most of the things you guys talk about!”

“There’s no fun in this game if we have to explain everything to you, Twilight,” Pinkie told her. “Just ask Sunny if you’re feeling a little lost in the sauce!”

Twilight had no idea what ‘lost in the sauce’ meant, but got the jist of what she was trying to say. She looked over at poor Fluttershy, who was in the lead with four fingers. “Fluttershy, if you lose, is there anything that you have to do as the loser?”

“Besides endure the fact that your friends now know that you’re a perverted sexual freak? No,” She answered with a depressed sigh.

Something told Twilight that this isn’t the first time Fluttershy came close to losing.

“Who’s goin’?” Applejack asked.

“Me,” said Fluttershy. “Never Have I Ever masterbated to the thought of someone in this room.”

Sunset slightly scooted away from Twilight and put a finger down. Her action wasn’t missed by the princess or the others as Twilight blushed and they giggled.

Dash grumbled something that sounded like “Goddammit, Flutters.” and put a finger down.

“My turn. Er, I guess,” Twilight said. “Never Have I Ever turned into a black eyed she-demon and tried to take over a high school.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Okay, that’s just mean,” She said, putting a finger down as the others patted her on the back with a good natured laugh.

“Back to me!” Pinkie declared. “Never Have I Ever peed out in public. And I don’t mean in a public bathroom, I mean actually peed on the side of the road or something!”

Dash put a finger down. The girls stared at her. “Hey, we were on our way to a soccer game and there were no rest stops in sight! A girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do!”

“That’s actually somethin’ Ah thought I would hear from Pinkie Pie,” Applejack commented with a snort.

The athlete shrugged. “There’s a first time for everything.”

“Yea, and considerin’ you’ve got five fingers down this’ll probably the first time you’ll lose.” Applejack teased with a condescending smirk.

“Well then, let’s raise the stakes shall we?” Dash said to her before turning to everyone else. “Loser has to flash the winners!”

Fluttershy made a horrified squeak.

“Whoa, hold on now, don’t you think that’s a little much especially with Twilight playin’ for the first time?” Applejack interjected, holding her hand out.

Dash crossed her arms and gave her a smug look. “All in favor of the rule change, say ‘I’!”

A chorus of I’s rung out. Applejack identified the voices of everyone except Fluttershy and a confused Twilight. It was three against four, so they were completely out voted. Sighing in defeat, Applejack settled back down. “Fine. Let’s just get this over with.” She grumbled ignoring Dash’s hum of triumph.

“Never Have I Ever sucked a dick.” Sunset said.

Pinkie put a finger down.

“Well that was to be expected,” Rainbow jabbed, cackling as the pink haired girl nudged her in her side.

“A...dick?” Twilight asked.

“A dick. You know, a penis?” Sunset simplified for her.

“And here in this world, you guys...put your mouths on it?” Twilight was even more confused than before. “Isn’t that a little unhygienic?”

“Have you ever gotten the talk about the birds and the bees, Twilight?” Rarity asked, flipping her hair back off her face.

“The what?” The pony turned human repeated.

“She’s talking about the sex talk. You know the ‘when two people love each other very much’ spiel.” Sunset said with a turn of her finger.

Twilight stared blankly at her. ”I never got it.”

“You never what?!” Now it was their turn to be confused.

“I learned everything I know from books.” Twilight clarified. "I didn’t really need a talk because I already knew most of what is contained in this so called ‘talk.’ Plus being the social shut in I was four years ago, just reading books on science got boring.” She waved her hand in dismissive disgust.

The girls blinked at her.

“Who’s turn is it?” Rarity asked after a beat of silence.

“Mine!” Dash shouted. “I got a really good one,” She rubbed her hands together evilly. “Never Have I Ever copped a feel on another girl.” She frowned when Applejack snorted. “What, hayseed? What’s so funny?!”

“Now Ah find that hard to believe,” Applejack smirked. “Ya gonna tell me that you’ve never touched another girl’s boob? Not even once? Even with your track record?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Rainbow barked.

AJ put up her hands defensively. “Nothin’, nothin’. Though with a game like this you might wanna be completely honest.” She said with a smug grin. She ducked a pillow Dash threw in her direction with a laugh.

Pinkie put a finger down, and so did Sunset.

AJ rolled her shoulders. “Okay....Never Have Ah Ever had a sexual thought about one of my siblings.”

Dash snorted. “Yeah, okay.” She said skeptically. “Ow!” She groaned rubbing the side of her head after Applejack gave her a good smack up side it. “Watch the ham hands, it was just a joke!”

Twilight put a finger down.

The others looked to her for an explanation.

The princess blushed sheepishly. “I used to have a teeny weeny schoolgirl crush on my brother.” More like an infatuation, but she wasn’t going to tell them that.

“Shining Armour right? He was just starting out on the Royal Guard when I left,” Sunset mused. “He is kinda cute.” She said with a wink.

“Just how old are you?” Dash asked the older girl with a raised brow.

“Old enough to know that you’re not of drinking age.”

“Touche, Bacon-Hair, touche.”

“C’mon ya’ll, let’s get back to the game.” Applejack called, bringing their attentions back to the circle they were all in. “Rarity, its your turn, sug.”

“Never have I Ever...licked someone’s balls. Uck! I love having fun as much as the next lady but some things are just too, too-”

Sunset and Rainbow each put a finger down as the other girls guffawed.

“Revolting! Absolutely revolting! You two should be ashamed of yourselves!”

“Oh my,” Fluttershy commented with a blush.

“Ah actually expected that from Pinkie, since she’s the one who has sucked a pecker.” Applejack reckoned. “Though like the ball licker said earlier, there’s a first time for everything.” She could barely get the sentence out before busting into a fit of laughter.

“Heh, what can I say?” RD said, puffing out her chest. “I like trying new things.”

“It feels really nice I hear! I can’t be selfish!” Sunset giggled.

Twilight tilted her head. “I’m starting to question your world’s methods of sexual pleasure. Especially since the general reaction to some of them is to be grossed out,” She scratched her neck. “Though back in Equestria, most of my friends are sexually active anyway, so I have no room to talk.”

“Who's been keeping score?” Fluttershy asked. It was clear who was losing just by looking at who had the most fingers down, but it got confusing with all the odd side conversations.

Pinkie pulled a clipboard with a piece of paper on it out of her hair. “Weeell....I have three fingers, Sunny has five, Dashie has six, Jackie has one, Rarebear has two, you have four, and Twi-Twi has three!” She stuffed the clipboard back into her hair. “Oh, and it’s your turn!”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “I figured that,” She sighed. “Never Have I Ever had phone sex with someone.”

Sunset put a finger down with a shrug. “I had to do some questionable things when I first got to this world to earn some money. Sue me.” She smiled when Twilight gave her a sympathetic pat on the back.

“What was your phone sex name?!” Pinkie asked, jumping up and down. “Did you have any regular customers?! Do any of them go to our school?! Have any of them recognized you?!”

Sunset blinked at the sudden barrage of questions. “Uh, Sunshine, yes, yes and yes.” She answered.

“Who?!” Pinkie shouted excitedly.

“Flash Sentry and Snips and Snails.”

Everyone gasped, Twilight’s being the loudest.

“That’s how I got Flash to go out with me...and Snips and Snails to be my dimwitted lackies.” Sunset hugged herself as she shuddered. “The old me was just awful.”

Applejack put a hand on her shoulder. “Old Sunset is gone, sugarcube. What matters now is that you’re the New Sunset, sitting here, playing a raunchy game with her friends.”

“Yeah, you’re right, thanks Applejack,” Sunset said, smiling at the farm girl feeling better than she did before.

“This is depressing! We need to brighten things up!” Pinkie declared, getting up to go over to her closet. She rummaged through it, creating sounds that should not be coming from a normal teenage girl’s closet. But this was Pinkie Pie, and she was far from the normal teenage girl.

She emerged minutes later with something akin to Pony Pinkie’s Party Cannon, only it was much, much bigger. “Never Have I Ever gotten confetti in my mouth!” She yelled.

There was a short chorus of “What?!” before confetti was flying everywhere. The room temporarily became blindingly speckled with bright pieces of yellow, blue, and green confetti. The girls coughed up a few pieces as the dust settled, before glaring at Pinkie and putting a finger down.

The party animal bounced back over to her place in the circle and sat back down.

“You skipped me, Pinkie!” Twilight told her with a frown.

“Oops, hehehe, sorry. I just wanted to make everyone smile!” She grinned brightly while waving her arms. Dash threw a pillow at her and she fell backwards onto the floor. “Hey!”

“Okay...Never Have I Ever eaten meat.” Twilight looked around at her friends as each one put a finger down. She knew the other’s must have, since it was a normal thing for them to eat in this world, but there was no way Sunset-

She watched in horror as Sunset put a finger down.

“When you live in this world for as long as I have, you start to pick up their eating habits.” Sunset shrugged. She really didn’t feel bad for eating meat. It wasn’t like she was eating animals from Equestria. Not to mention that because she’d been gone for so long she just didn’t see the reason why she should refuse to eat meat when she was never going back.

She pulled the clipboard from Pinkie’s hair. “Looks like this is the last round girls,” She said, looking at the scores.

“Thank goodness, I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” Fluttershy muttered.

“Absolutely,” Rarity agreed. “I don’t think I’ll ever agree to play this game with you all again.” She huffed, folding her alabaster arms.

“Don’t be such a wuss,” Rainbow commented.

“Never Have I Ever eaten ass.” Sunset said, making a gagging sound. “There’s only so much I’ll do for someone and that isn’t one of those things.”

“You mean ass as in donkey?” Twilight asked curiously.

“No, she means ass as in,” Dash got up and shook her butt in Twilight’s face. “Ass!” The other’s giggled as she shook her butt in the air before sitting back down. “I’ve never done that either, for the record.”

Sunset looked around, relieved to see that all of them still had the same amount of fingers up. “It doesn’t look like any of us have.”

“You guys have to educate me more on the sexual recreations of this world because these are really disturbing things for me to be learning at the moment.” Twilight made a ‘uck’ sound and shook her head.

“I have class cause I don’t eat ass!” Pinkie sang at the top of her lungs, causing the other girls to cackle with breathless laughter.

“Okay, okay, seriously we need to finish this,” Applejack said, as the others struggled to catch their breath. “RD, you’re up.”

“Never Have I Ever....kissed a boy.” She said.

“Boring!” Pinkie said, putting a finger down.

“Yeah, we know you haven’t,” Sunset quipped, putting a finger of her own down.

Rarity also put a finger down. “I am a very popular young lady after all,” She said with a flip of her hair.

“Never Have Ah Ever slept in the nude.” Applejack said, with a smirk.

Pinkie put a finger down. “Guilty!” She sing-songed.

Rarity cleared her throat. “Never Have I Ever cheated at a game.”

“Fuck me in the ass!” Rainbow hissed, putting a finger down. “I knew that one was directed at me!” She only had one finger left, and so did Sunset. The others had no chance of catching up to her or Sunset, so she knew exactly who would be flashing their boobs tonight.

“Indeed,” Rarity confirmed.

Fluttershy was glad that this game was almost over. All someone had to do was say something that Rainbow and Sunset have both done and it would end. She thought for a minute, before saying, “Never Have I Ever made someone feel bad about themselves.”

Sunset put down her final finger. “Welp, I’m out.” She said in defeat.

Twilight gave her a curious look. “Does that mean you win?” She asked.

Sunset gave her a wry smile. “Hardly.”

Twilight smiled. “I guess I’m the last one huh? Okay....Never Have I Ever stole something.”

Rainbow sighed and put her pinkie finger down. “I’m out.” She grumbled.

“That coulda worked for Sunset too, had Fluttershy not gotten to her before you did.” Applejack chuckled. “Alright ladies, you know the deal. Losers has to flash the winners.”

“You seem to be enjoying this a little too much, dearie,” Rarity remarked, flexing her cramped fingers. Holding them in the same position for as long as she had really put strain on them.

Pinkie cracked hers. “Aw c’mon! Who doesn’t wanna see a little boob action?! We’re all girls, er, mares. I think.” She rubbed her chin in thought as Fluttershy let out a yawn.

“That was fun, we should play that again!” Twilight giggled.

“NO!”

The princess was taken aback by the sudden response from her friends. “Oh, okay. Guess we shouldn’t play this again.”

Sunset and Rainbow both shared a glance at each other before putting their fingers on the hems of their nightshirts. The other girls watched intently as the shirts slowly rose up, revealing more and more skin of their stomachs. On the count of three, they yanked their shirts up above their navels, revealing their bare chests...just as the power went out.

“YES!” Rainbow cheered.

“No fair! I wanted to see some boobs!” Pinkie whined, crossing her arms as the others burst into laughter.

Author's Note

Not gonna lie I was inspired by Cards Against Equestria Girls by MythrilMoth. It's such a funny and raunchy story. You guys should go check it out! Anyway, this was just some random fun I conjured up because I was bored. The tear jerkier Christmas story will be up in two weeks. Can't wait for you guys to see it! :derpytongue2:

Oh and if you were wondering what the final score was it's

Sunset: 10
RD:10
Rarity:5
Twilight:5
Applejack:3
Flutters:6
Pinkie:6