Backround Ponies Play Cards Against Equiniti

by Akihisa

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1328

At the weekly Backround Pony Meeting, Derpy shows everyone a game Rainbow Dash showed her. It's name is Cards Against Equinity.

At the weekly Backround Pony Meeting, Derpy shows everyone a game Rainbow Dash showed her. It's name is Cards Against Equiniti. They play it and soon learn how funny yet disturbing it can be.

Before you comment it, yes this is inspired by the fic that was in the feature box not long ago, where the Mane Six play Cards Against Equiniti

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-03 00:50:04 UTC

Cards Against Equiniti - Part 1

There sat five ponies. Derpy, Doctor Whooves, Berry Punch, Lyra, And DJ Pon-3.

'Welcome everyone, and thank you for coming in such short notice. My friend Rainbow Dash recommended this game to me that she played with her friends. She said it was really fun, so today we're going to play it!' Announced Derpy. Sat next to her was a little black box with the words 'Cards Against Equiniti' on the front. Derpy opened the box and read the rules outloud.

'To start the game, each player draws ten white "answer" cards. One randomly chosen player begins as the card Czar, and plays a black "question" card. The Card Czar reads the question out to the group. Each player answers the question by passing one white "answer" card, face down to the Card Czar. The Card Czar shuffles all of the answers, reads them out loud in a humorous fashion, and picks their favourite. Whoever played that answer gets to keep the Black Card as one Awesome Point. After each round, a new player becomes the Card Czar, and every player draws back up to ten cards. So does everyone get it?'

There was a mumble of 'yes' from the other four ponies. 'Okay let's start! I guess I'll be the Card Czar! Here's my Black Card:

When Princess Twilight Sparkle locks herself up in her room, what does she like to do?' Said Derpy. Instantly there was a few murmurs of 'Dear Celestia' and 'oh my this card is gonna win' and a bit of laughter. Soon enough, all of the White Cards had been handed to Derpy.

'Okay let's read them all out.

When Princess Twilight Sparkle locks herself up in her room, what does she like to do?

Look hot pics of Celestia' Said Derpy

The whole room exploded into laughter

'I knew that ponies shipped them, but wow' said Doctor Whooves between tears of laughter.

After the laughter died down, Derpy read out the second one.

'When Princess Twilight Sparkle locks herself up in her room, what does she like to do?

Read FlutterCord Clop.'

Once again, the whole room exploded in laughter

'Oh my Celestia, tell Rainbow Dash that this game is both horrifying and hilarious!' Said Lyra to Derpy. They where one black card in and they were all already enjoying themselves.

'Next one.' Said Derpy

'When Princess Twilight Sparkle locks herself up in her room, what does she like to do?

Stare at Derpy's flank.. W-w-what?'

Nobody laughed that time. DJ Pon-3 shuddered. Derpy was particularly horrified.

'Okay next one!' Said Derpy swiftly. 'There's one more.

When Princess Twilight Sparkle locks herself up in her room, what does she like to do?

Caress her lifesized plushie of Doctor Whooves.'

Everyone looked at Doctor Whooves. He started blushing 'g-guys this is just a game remember?' He said shyly.

'I pick the last one as the best. Who's was that?' Said Derpy

'It was mine..' Said Lyra.

'Haha, good pick Lyra, you made Doctor Whooves blush!' Said Derpy 'Okay, new Card Czar! Berry Punch, you can be the Card Czar!'

'O-o-okay..!' She said. She picked up a card.

'What is the title of the album DJ Pon-3 is listening to?'

Everyone started shuffling through their cards immediately, except for DJ Pon-3 who took a moment to process the dirty thoughts of what people will pick. She then started looking through her cards.

Soon enough, everyone had passed a card forward.

'Okay, first one.' Said Berry Punch

'What is the title of the album DJ Pon-3 is listening to?

Gay - A gay Musical: The Gay Soundtrack'

Everyone was in hysterics except for DJ Pon-3, who was kinda creeped out.

'For the record, although I have nothing against Homosexuals, I am not Homosexual.' Said DJ Pon-3.

'Haha.. Okay. Next one!

What is the title of the album DJ Pon-3 is listening to?

The Art of Seduction.' Laughed Berry Punch

'That is so totally NOT what I'm listening to!' Shouted DJ Pon-3 over the laughter of the other four ponies.

'It's fine DJ Pon-3! We don't really think that! Shouted Doctor Whooves back to DJ Pon-3

After the laughter died down, Berry Punch read out the next one

'What is the title of the album DJ Pon-3 is listening to?

Rodents of unusual size.'

Everyone was laughing, including DJ Pon-3.

'Okay there's one more!' Said Berry punch.

'What is the title of the album DJ Pon-3 is listening to?

The infamous Bill Cosby Sex Tape.'

Cards Against Equiniti - Part 2

'I'm... I don't... Why would you even listen to that?' Said DJ Pon-3. Everyone shuddered.

'By far, the last one was the best!' Said Berry Punch. Who's was it?' Said Derpy.

A single brown hoof was raised into the air. It was Doctor Whooves.

'Okay, since you won, you can be the card Czar.' Said Berry Punch.

'Yay!' Said Doctor Whooves sarcastically.

'Okay, here's the black card.' Said Doctor Whooves.

'Out of all the dreams Princess Luna has seen, what is the weirdest one she's seen yet about?'

The only sound in the room was the shuffling of cards. Doctor Whooves was staring through the window, mentally preparing for the horrifying answers.

'O-okay it seems everybody has given in their cards. Let's see what they say.' Said Doctor Whooves.

'Out of all the dreams Princess Luna has seen, what is the weirdest one she's seen yet about?

Anal with Batman and male Celestia.' Laughed Doctor Whooves.

Unfortunately for Lyra, she was drinking some wine at that time. Or should I say, unfortunately for Derpy who was sitting right next to her. Subsequently, Derpy had been sprayed with wine. She didn't seem to care, as she was too busy laughing at the card.

'Next card,' said Doctor Whooves. He had been given a taste of what was to come. He was ready

'Out of all the dreams Princess Luna has seen, what is the weirdest one she's seen yet about?

Doctor Whooves fapping to Sorin fapping to Doctor Whooves fapping to Sorin.' Said Doctor Whooves. As he thought he was ready, he read it out boldly and loudly. The whole room was trying to keep in their laughter, but soon enough they all couldn't hold it in any longer. They were all laughing, except for Doctor Whooves who had been mentally scarred for life.

'I-I don't even like Sorin anyway so..' Murmured Doctor Whooves. His face had gone bright red.

'Uh.. Oh yeah, next card. Let me see..' Said Doctor Whooves

'Out of all the dreams Princess Luna has seen, what is the weirdest one she's seen yet about?

Clippety Clopitty clop. Plain clop. Foal and filly clop. Now that's weird. O-oh damn. T-that's kinda messed up.. R-right guys?'

Nobody heard him, as they were all laughing. Suddenly the laughter stopped abruptly and everyone was looking up, imagining the horror.

'Um-Uh.. One more.' Stuttered Doctor Whooves.

'Out of all the dreams Princess Luna has seen, what is the weirdest one she's seen yet about?

Twilight Sparkle and Berry Punch having a nice conversation...

Finally a normal card! Thought Doctor Whooves

... About male Princess Celestia and batman anal.'

Damn! He thought again.

Before anyone could start laughing Doctor Whooves said quickly

'Well that's the end of that round, I think that the first one was funniest, whoever's that was can go next, I need the bathroom.' And in that he ran off to the toilet.

'I-it was mine, but I had nothing else to choose by the way guys.' Said Lyra.

'Haha things are finally spicing up!' Thought Derpy outloud.

When Doctor Whooves got back, Lyra picked the next black card.

'Here's the card!' She said

'How many bottles can Derpy fit in her-'

'Woaahhh how about we pick another..' Said Derpy before Lyra could finish.

'Uh.. Okay. Here is another one.'

'How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck ____?'