Cthulhu, knight of harmony!

by thatguy45

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 2210

Cthulhu is sent to equestria by hastur.

hastur wants Cthulhu to go to equestria.

he doesn't want to.

he goes anyway.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-22 20:35:48 UTC

ouch.

ouch. that was pretty much the only thing that was going through twilights mind right then. she opened her eyes, and saw that she was upside down. righting herself, she looked at the remnants of her castle. there was a large hole in the roof. she casually thought what caused that. thank Celestia that she was the only one in the castle at the time. shaking her head, she looked at the large crater in her floor. inside the crater, aside from the obvious debris and smoke, was a pony. not a regular pony, that was for sure. the bat ponies looked normal compared to... this. he had thestral like wings, with spikes at the end. but that was where the similarities ended. it had a mucus green mane and tail, and several large tentacles where his mouth should be.

shuddering, she jumped down into the crater to... she didn't know what she was supposed to do. she guessed help him, but she didn't know why. lifting him up on her shoulder, she pulled him exactly four feet before her legs crumbled and she was pinned. 'why does a stallion no larger than big mac way so much. she should have used her magic from the start. her horn glowing brightly, the stallion was enveloped in a purple light, and lifted off her back. shaking she flapped her wings and managed to get up the wall of the crater. smiling at herself, she opened the door of her more-or-less destroyed house and, ignoring the stares, went to the hospital.

=======

'what? why can't i move?' cthulhu, one of the eldergods, and one of the most powerful beings in existence, was shocked. par the course of being immortal and trapped for eons, he didn't really know what happened when your unconscious. unfortunately, that happened now. 'curse him! i assume i'm in equestria now then?'

his eyes opening, he was barraged by a several things. first, there was a very bright light hovering above his head.  the next thing he noticed were several multi-colored spots. blinking several times, he managed to set things apart from other things. purple, cyan blue, orange, pink, yellow and white. then he heard things. not the usual things inside his head, those had died down for now, but mortal voices.

"he's awake!"

"i'll go get the doctor!"

'doctor?' it was a human term for healer. suddenly, his vision was being obscured by a big blob of brown.

"well, twilight, your friend is indeed awake. hello, who are you?"

"<fuck you. get out of my face.>"

"... twilight, did you understand him?"

the purple one, twilight, shook her head no. "i have no idea, i've never heard that language before."

'they speak human. of course.' "i said fuck you, get out of my face."

the doctor reaped back and shook his head. "my word, such language. where did you find this one, lady twilight?"

"he, uh, crashed through my roof. i just brought him here on instinct." she shrugged.

"mmm. well, i have good news. good news, nothings broken. bad news, you have to stay the night so we can make sure that theres nothing else wrong with you. just a formality. oh and paperwork. a lot of paperwork."

"...shit."

======

later that night

cthulhu didn't go to sleep. he really didn't need to. a large amount of immortals didn't need to sleep. looking around, he contemplated exactly what sort of a predicament he was in. he couldn't feel his hands or feet or anything. pulling his limbs out of the tightly tucked sheets, he observed. he no longer had his webbed hands, and he presumed that his feet were that same way. pulling himself from the sheets, he put his limbs, hooves or something, on the ground.

and promptly fell on his face. 'this will take a bit of time to get used to.'

thirty minutes later, and he had a hang of it. walking out of the room he was situated in, he walked down a long corridor. the moon lit up the hallway, making every shadow look like a beast ready to strike. Cthulhu smiled. just as he liked it. finally he reached the door, and he didn't even need to touch it. it opened on it's own. that showed he still had his passive dark magic.

"ah! what're you doing up? you should be in bed."

the nurse. curses. he looked over, and his eyes shown red. begone! a flash of red light, and an ash pile was all that was left of her.

smiling a bit, Cthulhu mumbled, " at least that works."

========

"come on, twi! it's obvious that he did it!"

twilight was sitting at her throne, now repaired, and rubbing her forehead. "we have to way all the facts!"

"it is mighty suspicious that a mystery pony, w' all that weird stuff on 'im, suddenly just disappears, right after the murder."

"i know! it just seems too obvious."

"well, i will have no part of it." rarity 'harumphed' and sat down in her throne.

"where's pinkie?"

"oh, you know. when she know that there's a new pony in town..."

=======

'she'll hunt them down and give 'em a party.

Cthulhu looked at the pink monstrosity that had suddenly appeared in front of him. he had looked back to see if anyone had pursued him into the woods, and when he turned, a pink pony had suddenly, and rather randomly appeared in front of him. she just stood there, with a ridiculously large smile on her face. they looked at each other for a few moments before pinkie said,

"hi!"

Cthulhu waved his hoof, and that set her off.

"himynamespinkiepiebutyouprobablyalreadyknewthatanywayimthepremeirpartyponyinponyvillethetownyoujustleftyouleftbeforeicouldgiveyouapartyialwaysgiveverynewponyinponyvilleapartyandyournotmissingoutonyours!"

still trying to process what that was, he was grabbed and pulled back to town.

======

it was awkward. very much awkward.

the only ponies who showed up were apparently the pink ones friends. and they were the ones investigating the death of the nurse. law enforcement was considerably lax on this planet. so yeah, awkward. Cthulhu moved straight to the food table, for the first time in who knew when  he was able to eat food. if he was less disciplined, he probably would have just jumped at the table and made a fool of himself. then he remembered that he had forgotten how to eat. he looked at the table like it had a head.

ten minutes later...

rainbow screamed, "ARGHHHH! what the fuck, man!? just eat something!"

Cthulhu turned around to meet her. "do you want something?"

the blue pony, rainbow smash or something, said,

"yes i do! did you kill nurse red heart?!"

Cthulhu really didn't like this pony. "so what if i did? what're you going to do about it?"

the blue pegasus looked as if i had just slapped her dead mother. "i'll kick your ass!"

Cthulhu smirked. "then i suggest we step outside. wouldn't want to destroy someones home, now would we?"

when the six of them had stepped outside, twilight noticed it had become suddenly colder. and dropping fast.

Cthulhu and rainbow dash walked to opposite sides of the street. she in a combat stance, and Cthulhu just standing there. "i suggest we get this over with, and to be sporting, i'll give you the first strike, and i won't use magic. come at me."

rainbow had really had enough of this stallion. she screamed and rushed him.

Cthulhu dodged. she had a bit to much momentum, and smashed into a lamp post. pulling herself free and turning around, she couldn't see him. looking around, she heard a small humming above her.

looking up, she watched as two red lasers came out of Cthulhu's eyes, who had flown about 30 feet in the air, and vaporized the lamp post. gaping, she looked at Cthulhu, who smiled once more. growling, she flew up to Cthulhu, and almost managed to punch him. he dodged again, and punched her in the gut. gaping for air, she noticed that his hoof had taken a shiny grey color.

"cheater..." she mumbled before he smashed her back into the ground.

Cthulhu looked over the broken body of the pegasus. several broken bones, including a shattered forearm, and for some reason, she had gotten up again. grinning through a black eye and a swollen cheek, she said,

"is...that...all you...got?" right before she fell over.

======

rainbow woke up in the hospital.

she looked around and saw her friends off to the side, along with Cthulhu. "what... what's he doing here?"

her mumbling seemed to alert her friends that she was awake. she had merely blinked before her friends were hugging her, or at least trying. she would have tried pushing them off, but she just felt to weak.  looking over to a mirror, she saw that her midsection and left arm was covered in bandages, and the left side of her face was also bandaged up.  looking back at Cthulhu, she noticed that he was blushing a bit and said,

"i would like to apologize for my behavior. it was wrong of me to beat you up so bad." he then ran out of the room.

"hey rainbow."

"yeah?"

"your blushing."

"no'mnot..." was the last thing she said before she fell back into unconsciousness.

=======

Cthulhu was standing in front of the body of his opponent, not smiling, not frowning. his hoof turned grey and he raised it above her head. he brought it down, and missed. a orange hoof, presumably from one of the others, smashed into the left side of his face. his shield absorbed much of the damage, but he was pushed backwards. righting himself in mid-air, he glared at the pony who would dare attempt to hinder his victory. it was the orange one.

"now, pardner, you won fair and square. but that don't give you the right ta just kill 'er like that! she didn't do nothin' wrong!"

"she challenged me out right! and lost! i have every right-"

"and that maybe how your country, or world, or whatever, works, but not here. you're in equestria, you follow it's rules!"

Cthulhu's glare narrowed. "very well. i shall not kill her at this present moment."

the orange one smiled. "AND, you have to apologize."

"... fine, but i will not enjoy it."

=======

an hour later, and the elder one turned pony was staring at the mayor of the town.

"what?"

'are all these ponies stupid?' "exactly as i said, miss. i would like, if at all possible, to buy a house."

the brown earth pony coughed, and suddenly had great interest in the floor. "well, we have a home available, in the cloud district, no one goes there though... it's kind of in bad shape too..."

"i'll take it. how much?"

"it's about 3000 bits. and that's before taxes."

he rubbed his chin (in actuality, he rubbed one of his tentacles, as he didn't have a chin per say.). "that seems reasonable. i have more than enough. does it have to be just bits? or can it be some other form of currency?"

"it's part of the cloud district, and owned by the bank there, so i think they might accept griffin lira, though i suggest that you pay in bits. helps the economy, and converting it can be a bitch."

"yessss. <borganine! my chest!> he screamed in to the air. after a second a biped with sunken eyes and no lower jaw came through the door. zombies were fun.

<i am here, your unholiness. what is your desire?>

<give this kind mare 3000 in bits. exactly.> the undead nodded, and reached into the chest. after a few seconds of rustling, a big bag of money, she assumed, was pulled out, and plopped down on her desk. she blinked.

"uh, wow. you know, you had six months to pay the house off, but i guess this works. you have to go to the bank to get the deed though."

he nodded, and disappeared, along with his minion. she shrugged and hugged the bag of money.

=========

a pony, clad in black, walked through the everfree forest, looking behind her at regular intervals to see if she had been followed. she sighed, and pulled a small hand mirror from underneath her cloak. she whispered,

hastur, hastur, hastur. the mirror glowed red, and the sounds of the wildness disappeared.

and then, a voice, reverberating through the tree's. almost the wind, almost everywhere, and yet neither. "sky rider, what have i said about using my boon with out the permission of the other children?"

"i apologize, my liege, but i have news that could not wait. i have word that your half-brother is in ponyville."

"good, good."

"the high priest, my lord. he has bought a house."

"odd. why?"

"i do not know. shall i investigate?"

"yes, investigate. before any of the others learn."

"very well, my king in yellow." the voice disappeared, and the mirror stopped glowing. the unicorn placed the mirror back under her cloak and ran back into town.

==========

this house was crap. it was broken down, one wall was entirely missing on the second floor, and all the neighbors gave him ugly looks. in other words, perfect. but he still needed to fix that wall.