How Now, Brown Cow?
At precisely 5:35 a.m., just like almost every other morning for the last two centuries, Princess Celestia opened her eyes and smiled at the canopy over her head.
“Good morning, Equestria,” said two identical voices, simultaneously.
Celestia blinked in surprise. She turned her head on her pillow and saw herself blinking in surprise back at her. Well this is odd, she thought to herself in amusement.
She shifted and propped herself up on her left foreleg to get a better look. At the same time, her counterpart pushed back the covers to sit up. Both goddesses froze, realizing the same thing.
“You’re not a reflection, are you?” they both asked, sitting-up Celestia a heartbeat later than leaning-against-the-pillow Celestia.
The two separate and distinct deities shared a look and came to an agreement, getting out of bed on opposite sides and coming around to meet each other at the foot. They circled each other, studying every detail, smiling in curiosity.
“How fascinating,” the princesses said together, then they giggled. They each gestured for the other to speak, then pulled back, rolling their eyes. After some confusion, the Celestia nearest the balcony doors successfully deferred to her twin. They shared a smile, and began a more normal conversation.
“Are you… some sort of copy? A changeling perhaps?”
The other Celestia shook her head. “I don’t think so. I believe myself to be the real Celestia, of course, but you likely believe the same about yourself.”
The first Celestia nodded. “I do. I suppose there is no way to satisfactorily prove either of our legitimacies one way or the other, is there?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“Well, it may not serve as absolute proof, but we may try comparing memories.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” one Celestia said with a smile. “Why don’t you start?”
Celestia narrowed her eyes in thought while Celestia waited expectantly.
“What is the name of Twilight Sparkle’s old doll?”
The response came immediately, as if Celestia had known what question to expect. “Smarty Pants. And she had her own notebook and quill so she could study along with Twilight.” She smirked. “A good sweep for amateur imposters, but hardly a thorough test. Of course, it was the same question I would have asked.”
“Of course.”
“Let’s try something harder... When this castle was first built, what was the name of the assistant chef?”
Celestia had tried not to predict the next question, so she had to think for a moment to remember the name. “Trencher Loaf.” She snorted as she remembered the bombastic Earth Pony and his cooking. “He never became Head Chef, though, and I know of no historical mention of him. Nice choice. Okay, let’s try a different sort of memory…” She smiled smugly as she settled on a stumper for any non-goddess. “What are the final two Laws of Five-Dimensional Matricial Latticing that have yet to be re-discovered by contemporary arcanoscience, and who was the last unicorn to know them?”
Celestia narrowed her eyes and smiled back. “Trick question. The unicorn was Stone Circle, but there are three more laws for them to find. And if you happened to be an imposter, this would be a fine opportunity to learn them from me. So, to prove to me that you know them, we will say the first together, then I will give the second and you give the third. Is that agreeable?”
“It is. Shall we begin?”
It took some concentration to speak in unison again, but it helped that they were reciting academic definitions. “Astrali’s Fifth Law: Identical five-dimensional matrices cannot be constructed under the same lunar phase.”
“Astrali’s Sixth Law: The lengths of the axial lattices of a five-dimensional matrix are determined according to the length of the caster’s horn.”
“Astrali’s Seventh Law: The magnitude of the fifth-dimension component of a five-dimensional matrix is inconsequential. Are you satisfied?”
“I am. Are you?”
“I am.”
The two Celestias smiled warmly at each other, then burst out laughing.
“We should play chess,” one suggested. “I’ve always wanted a worthy opponent.”
“Ah ah ah,” the other tutted. “Aren’t we forgetting something?”
“Of course not,” one replied, walking toward the balcony. “We have to raise the sun in two minutes.”
“Three and a half minutes,” the other corrected, following her and casting a spell of illusion around the balcony to hide the strange phenomenon of there suddenly being two Goddesses of the Sun.
“Nice catch.”
Standing side by side on the balcony, the two Celestias prepared themselves magically and mentally to raise the sun, stances tense and eyeing each other challengingly.
“Together,” one said after a long silence. The other nodded.
As the moon fell toward the west, two long white horns lit up with golden light simultaneously, and two identical magical energies merged together to pull the morning sun up from behind the eastern horizon. Its movements were jittery, being tugged by two forces, but it obeyed and rolled upward with less resistance than its normal sluggish pace. The twin princesses nodded at each other. Their powers were equally matched.
Any other pony, or even Celestia faced with anypony else, might have been surprised by suddenly being turned blue. This pony, however, was thinking almost the exact same thoughts as the one who did the casting, and had come to the same conclusion. They needed some way to tell each other apart. For the purposes of that morning, they became Blue Celestia and Yellow Celestia.
Blue Celestia nodded in agreement with Yellow Celestia’s decision, and led the way back into their bedchambers. Together they sat down on cushions in front of the unlit fireplace, but before they could resume their conversation, there came a knock from the door, and the voice of Feather Duster, one of the Royal Maids.
“Good morning, Your Highness! May I come in?”
Blue Celestia covered her mouth with a hoof and nodded for Yellow Celestia to answer.
“Not today, Feather Duster. I have matters of personal importance to attend to this morning.”
There was a pause that might have signified concern, but Feather Duster’s response was as chipper and enthusiastic as always. “Very well, Your Highness. Call for me if you require anything.”
The two Celestias waited for their maid to leave, then looked at each other in thought.
“Now what?” Blue Celestia asked.
“We can’t go about our duties as two Princesses,” Yellow Celestia observed.
Blue Celestia shook her head. “Only one of us can do that. As for the other, I’m not sure what will happen to them.”
“To be perfectly frank, I’m still not convinced that you are really me.”
“Neither am I that you are me. However, you have proven that you have my memories and my power. I think I might be comfortable leaving my kingdom in your hooves, with my close, yet remote supervision, of course. If I were to leave with you remaining in my stead, the only thing I would be concerned about would be your motives.”
“I agree. Somepony of your power would have no trouble resisting mind magic or even leading me to false conclusions if I were to search your mind, so there is no way for me to be able to completely trust you based on what evidence we have available to us now.”
“Naturally. If I were to leave, I would most certainly keep a close watch on you and your rule, and I would be ready constantly to step back in to restore my rightful rule.”
“Of course. And if I were to stay and remain Princess Celestia, I would be able to rule peacefully knowing that you are watching my every move for signs that I have ill intentions for my little ponies, and I think I could trust you to remain uninvolved in my affairs so long as the arrangement lasts.”
“And I you. If I remained and you are, in fact, an imposter, I would not fear you any more than I fear any other threat to Equestria, knowing that you are elsewhere. Of course, we must keep in close contact.”
“Yes, we must. If I were to leave, I would want regular, truthful, and detailed reports from you about affairs both political and personal, as they would be my affairs, too.”
“As would I. I believe this solution could work. The only question that remains is which one of us stays, and which one leaves?”
“Hmm. Rather than volunteering, why not leave the decision up to chance? I propose a simple game.”
“Oh? Which one?”
“We tell a servant to flip a coin. No magic, no power of suggestion. We change back to our normal colors, one of us hides, and the other calls back Feather Duster to relay the command to a random guard in the castle, then report the result back to us.”
“That sounds reasonable. Shall we write up the instructions, so we can both agree on the exact wording?”
“We should. We should allow for no interference either way.”
“My thoughts exactly. Here, I will record the instructions, then I will hide myself in the wardrobe while you call Feather Duster to deliver them. You may scan the document magically to your satisfaction for signs of enchantment, as will I at the same time for any tampering of yours.”
“Very well. Now would you be so kind as to write up our draft?”
“Certainly,” Celestia said, pulling writing supplies out of her desk and smiling cheekily. “Now think carefully, do you want ‘moon’ or ‘sun’?”
Feather Duster knocked apprehensively on the large oak doors to Princess Celestia’s private chambers. “You called, Your Highness?”
The doors swung open, and the Goddess of the Sun smiled down at the little unicorn. She felt a breeze from the open balcony doors, and a strange, momentous feeling of importance settled on her withers as she met Celestia's eyes. Inexplicably, she suddenly felt as if she were witnessing some great and historic event, though to all her normal senses it seemed to be a perfectly normal morning.
“I have a small errand for you, Feather Duster.” Celestia levitated up a sealed envelope. “I want you to go down to the barracks and deliver this to the fourth guard you see there. Wait for his response, then bring it back here to me. And please remember to knock on our door first.”
“‘Our’ door, madame?”
Celestia smiled. “I must be picking up old habits from my dear sister. Pay no mind.”
Feather Duster curtsied and took the envelope (reverently, she noted with bemusement) from her mistress. “Of course, Your Highness.”
Some time later, Celestia’s idle chatting with herself was interrupted by another knock at the door. Excitedly, Blue Celestia walked quickly and quietly to the open wardrobe and shut herself in, leaving a small crack open to watch her yellow counterpart as she restored their coats to their natural colors to answer the door.
“Here you are, Your Majesty.”
“Thank you, Feather Duster. That will be all.”
“Um, yes, Your Majesty.”
The formerly Blue Celestia might have frowned at the curt dismissal, but she herself was carelessly barging out of a wardrobe as soon as the door was shut, not caring if Feather Duster heard or not.
“What does it say?”
Celestia opened the envelope and pulled out the paper inside, both sets of eyes immediately searching the bottom of the page for the result.
There on the line, written in clumsy but legible mouthwriting, was simply the word “sun”.
Both Celestias’ faces lit up. One because she didn’t have to leave her kingdom in the hooves of a possible imposter, and the other because she was secretly happy to have an excuse to get away from her responsibilities.
The twin Goddesses met each other’s eyes with a smile and shook hooves warmly.
“Good luck to you, Celestia.”
“Same to you, Celestia. I want reports every Sunday and Wednesday, and if you miss one I’ll be coming by for a visit.”
“Of course. I would love updates on your activities as well, though I have no way of following up with you or ensuring your honesty.”
“Don’t worry, I promise I will.” Her expression turned serious, and she looked to Celestia with pleading eyes. “Take good care of my little ponies. I’ll never be far away.” She stepped to the middle of the room and began gathering magical energy.
“Of course. They’re my little ponies too, you know,” Celestia reassured her. “Assuming you aren’t secretly a Changeling Queen or Discord in disguise, I would love to see you again. It’s been refreshing, meeting myself in person for the first time.”
“I would like that. If all goes well, though, it will be a few years before that time comes. Goodbye, Princess.” Celestia flared her wings and lit her horn, and with a powerful flash, she was gone.
Princess Celestia stepped out onto her porch and looked up at her sun– their sun? She saw movement from above and stepped aside to let Luna land next to her.
“Sister! Is everything alright? I sensed something strange earlier.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Celestia said with a smile, walking back inside. “Care to join me for breakfast?”
