The STD Mark Crusaders

by PRlNCESS CADENCE

Rating: teen
Tags: Ahuizotl, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sex
Length: 1311

Fapplebloom and Swootie Ball summon Ahuizotl in an attempt to rescue Scataloo from being hung to death.

It was a regular day for the STD Mark Crusaders until Scataloo winds up in a scenario that has her fearing for her life. Fapplebloom and Swootie Ball then try and summon the only creature they think can help them. Join them in an adventure to save Scataloo's life.

Rated T for sexual innuendos.

Published 2014-12-05 09:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-05 09:00:05 UTC

This is a fanfiction

Fapplebloom solemnly got off of her cardboard cutout of Batman, realizing she’d never get her cutie mark in crossover fanfiction. She then cried into her hooves harder than she came the night before while thinking about getting a Batman cutie mark.

“Stop your crying and get me down from here you stupid slut!” Scataloo shouted angrily as she hung from the ceiling, her neck coiled by Batman tripwire.

“Not until you learn your lesson about noscoping me when I’m drunk!”

“My mom died that way.”

Fapplebloom then continued to cry, not because she cared about Scataloo's mom (not even her dad cared about Scataloo's mom), but because it was always her dream to have the bat signal on her flank. "You prissy skank! Don't you ever care about how I feel?"

"I'm losing circulation, you prick!"

"What am I supposed to do to get my Batman cutie mark?"

"You can start by using a gadget to get me down, vaginaface!"

“Guys!” Swootie Ball shouted, jumping through the wall. “I just found like 20 rare candies in this tunnel! I’m trying to evolve into a Mr. Mime!”

“Swootie Ball, I’ve had enough of your fetish fantasies!” Fapplebloom said, slapping her in the face. “You’re a Jynx and that’s all you’ll ever be!”

“Not if I believe in myself!”

“Faggot, use your icepunch and get me down from here!” Scataloo said, her face turning bright red due to the lack of oxygen.

“But I don’t learn that until level 31, and I’m only like 8 years old.”

“There’s only one way left, penis-guzzlers,” Fapplebloom spoke out, walking over to the library on the edge of the clubhouse. She then pulled out a black book with purple, glowing hieroglyphics written along the cover.

“You anal pirate!” Scataloo screamed. “This isn’t Zatch Bell!”

“If I’m a penis-guzzler,” Swootie Ball started shyly, “can I tell people I learned from Rarara?”

“Swootie Ball, nobody would believe you, even while their penises get gobbled.”

“Girls, shut your whore mouths!” said the red-bowed young lady. “I’m going to get you down, Scataloo, but the only way I know how is dark magic!”

“How about you just use your batmarang and cut me down? I’m 5 feet above the ground. Seriously, you're trying to find a way to get a batman cutie mark anyway. You don’t even need to get it right the first time!”

“I can’t find it,” Fapplebloom said with her mouth full of batmarang. “Just trust me on this one.”

“Fapplebloom, the last time we trusted you, we all got HIV.”

“This time is different! Nothing bad happens with dark magic!”

The STD Mark Crusaders then all huddled around the book as Fapplebloom chanted the spell, and almost instantly, purple lights began to cascade around the room, filling it with both darkness and luminescence. Swootie Ball and Scataloo held onto each other in fear, which Fapplebloom thought was kinda hot, nearly breaking her from the spell to go take a fapping break, but as she reared the end of the hex, a large figure began to appear in front of them.

The figure stood menacingly over them, its large stature beginning to cut the STD Mark Crusader’s core with insurmountable fear. It had a cat-like figure, yet it still looked like it could be some prehistoric relic, and since Swootie Ball even failed at being a Jynx, there was nopony left to protect them.

It reached out to the ceiling and laughed maniacally, chanting its own spell.

“John Madden John Madden John Madden John Madden!”

“Why do the Raiders ruin everything?” Scataloo said, now trying to chew herself loose.

“Shut up, Scataloo!” Swootie Ball shouted. “They’re like my favorite sports team!”

“Was that before or after they lose 15 games this season?”

“What do you want?!” the figure screamed at the three shaking fillies.

The three little girls all looked at each other in fear with their sexy little eyes and slim, undeveloped flanks in the air like they were up for grabs. Fapplebloom, however, decided to break the silence. “Well, you see, I'm trying to get my batman cutie mark, but I don't know exactly how. I mean, this is supposed to be my super special talent, but Batman is talented in all kinds of ways!”

"Hmmm..." the cat monster said, rubbing his chin as he thought more about the young pony's slender curves than developing her talents. "Have you tried using a batmarang?"

"That sounds like a good idea, but where am I supposed to get one?"

“I hope you let me die,” Scataloo said, letting the coil wrap tighter around her jugular vein.

“Shut up, dickcheese. The grown ups are talking!”

“Mmmm,” Ahuizotl said, dwelling in the beauty of the underaged talking horse. “I’ll do something for you if you do something for me.”

“Can you make me a pegasus?” Swootie Ball interrupted. “I promise I’ll be a better flier than Scataloo!”

“Probably a good idea,” Fapplebloom said with a smug grin, “seeing as how I just cast a black magic spell, and all you can do is cura.”

“Hey! It takes 8 mp every time I use curaga! I’m sorry that I’m trying to conserve it for boss battles!”

“Look,” Ahuizotl interrupted, “I can’t spend too much time here. I have to guard my cave from Daring Do. She’s always stealing my stuff, and if I don’t get down there right away, she’ll probably have every last diamond I own sold to some street merchant.”

“That’s horrible!” Fapplebloom cried. “That’s just like Obamacare! Don’t worry, we won’t keep you here anymore. We’ll get our cutie marks in something else.”

"If I get really good at moderating boards on 4chan, do you think I'd get a hot pocket cutie mark?" Swootie Ball asked before getting slapped in the face.

"Oh," the cat figure replied, "and I think I might know a way you can all get your cutie marks.” The giant cat then reached over with his tail and handed the fillies his phone number. Licking his lips, he said, “It’s only for girls your age, so don’t tell your parents.”

He then ran off into the distance, chasing after his gold and hoping that Daring Do hadn’t already stolen it away from him.

"Swootie Ball," the red-maned filly said. "Do you think we're good at anything? I mean, my sister has a picture of apples on her flank, my brother has a picture of an apple on her flank, and my grandma discovered ponyville!"

"You fail at everything, Fapplebloom."

"Not at munching your muffin, you sexy slut."

"...Get the phone."

***

Norman then closed his laptop and put his face into his hands. He knew that his cousin had some kind of crazy obsession with some pony show, but the fact that it had gotten this bad made him concerned.

“Soooo?” Chloe said, standing behind him. “Did you like it?”

“Chloe,” Norman exclaimed in disgust, “why in the world would I like pony erotica?”

“Is that all you care about? The fact that it revolves around ponies? Can’t you look past that and enjoy the plot and characters? What about the dialogue? Did you at least enjoy that?”

“Did that one pegasus end up dying?”

“Oh! I’m leaving that one up to the reader. Maybe she made it out, but if she didn’t, it wouldn’t be all that bad, since she’s an orphan anyway.”

“Ugh… you’re a grown woman, Chloe! You’re too old for this!”

“You know what? If you’re gonna be like that, then there’s no way we’re having sex tonight!” Chloe then grabbed the laptop, held it to her chest, and with a scoff, she walked away.

Norman sighed in both disgust and frustration, pulling his beanie over his face as if he were trying to hide out of embarrassment. "What even is a cutie mark?!"