Waking up in Equestria

Night had fallen and Scootaloo was home alone again. Only now there was a terrible loneliness that was driving her crazy. She didn't like to cry. Rainbow Dash didn't cry, she just kicked whatever was making her feel bad right in the teeth and never looked back. She wanted to be like her so badly... but she couldn't. Tears had occasionally leaked out of her eyes as she lay on her bed and she fought them off each time. But each time was getting harder.

She had run out of the barn earlier because she couldn't deal with being around Big Mac yet. After seeing him do something like that, all she could think about was that gasp he made and how he twitched on his bed while that stuff came out of him. She knew she had seen something private that wasn't supposed to be shared with anypony but a special somepony. So when he came walking in the kitchen, she couldn't even look him in the eye. Worse, she kept wondering if Mason did that when he was by himself too. It didn't help calm her down any.

Scootaloo was lost in a mix of emotions that she had never even dreamed existed and they all seemed to be swirling around her. At the center of it, was her own fear of looking stupid or incapable in front of somepony. She knew she wanted to explore sex, to let somepony special touch her. In fact she'd been thinking about it a lot since her first estrus. It had woken something inside her that felt like a naughty version of herself that had been silent up until then, always whispering thoughts and ideas no self respecting filly would talk about.

This new Scootaloo also had taken over a larger part of her thinking ever since she first put her eyes on Mason. He wasn't even a pony yet she found herself drawn to him instantly. Heck, she had even come home and touched herself thinking about him and that was something she'd never done before. It was lucky, she guessed that he turned out to be pretty cool and liked her back once he got all better, but she still can't believe that she had gone as far as she had with him in such a short time... and that she wanted to go farther. The new part of Scootaloo was driving her towards it.

Her fear came roaring back at the thought of actually doing it with him. What was she supposed to do? What if she was terrible at it? What if she hurt him somehow? Would he laugh at her? What if he didn't like her after because she was so bad at it? What if something was wrong with that part of her body too... just like her wings? All of these doubts repeated themselves and she was reminded of how she jumped away when he had touched her teat this morning. She had wanted him to... but she was too scared to give in and let it go because of these same doubts. The look on his face when he thought she was rejecting him made her suddenly begin crying, for real this time.

She wept for a while. Out of frustration at herself and at the situation. While she cried, she hated herself for being weak and stupid... and that made her cry more. Time passed and she slowly regained control. She thought about what Rainbow Dash would do. Rainbow wouldn't care if she looked dumb. She would try her best anyways because at least she could say she tried! Maybe she should just be like her now...

The front door closed loudly in the quiet, empty house and it brought her attention back to the present. She heard the voice of her parents in the main room and it brought a dark and sinister fear at what they might do if they found her crying. The last time she had cried in front of them it was because she had tried to jump off the roof to fly a long time ago, when they were home and before her brother disappeared. She had hurt her leg landing hard and they had come outside to see what had happened. Her dad had laughed at her first, and then scolded her for being so stupid. Didn't she know she wasn't going to fly like her big brother could? He was going to be in the Wonderbolts someday... and she was just going to be a stupid land pony with those little stubby baby wings. He had hit her, then. Not hard, but enough that she never cried again in front of him.

Scootaloo wiped her eyes and dried them on her pillowcase. Taking a few deep breaths, she got off her bed and moved to open the door. On the other side, she could hear the funny speech her dad had whenever they showed up and things were really bad. Like he had marbles in his mouth or something. "Oh man... not now..." She said to herself softly before reaching for the lever on the door. She knew it was no good to hide. They would come find her eventually and start telling her what she was going to hear anyways. Sometimes they didn't, at least when they were quiet. But when he was loud and slurring like this...

"Hi mom... Hi dad." she said cautiously with a fake smile as she entered the main room.

"Well.. if it ishn't my chain to the land, Schootaloo!" her dad regarded her with disdain.

"Yep.. ha ha... that's me..." she said, looking down at the floor.

Her father was a large orange pegasus with the same purple mane and tail she had. His face had two wide set eyes that were sunken in and hollow below the disheveled mane that was matted and looked like it was in need of a wash. His eyes swam in his head as he tried to focus on the little filly. Her mother, a dark blue pegasus with a silver mane was already flopped into a chair, legs sprawled and pretending she didn't see or hear anything, including her daughter.

"Ramind me... Schootaloo... Why I have to keep coming down to these... LAND poniesh... Ohhhh thasss right. Cuzz my only remaining.... THING.... can't... fly. You can't GO where we're supozed to be. You... you..." he trailed off, trying to focus on her enough.

Scootaloo stood there, looking at the floor and taking her father's verbal lashing like she always did in silence. It was her fault that they couldn't live in Cloudsdale, after all. It wasn't safe for her to be up there unless she was tethered to a pegasus all the time. Once, when she was a foal she had fallen out of her crib and landed on the cloud floor of the room she was in. Because her wings weren't formed right, the part of her that was magic allowing pegasus to walk on them wasn't right either. She began to slowly sink into the cloud and had her mother not walked in at the last minute... she would have plummeted to the ground far below.

They took her to a doctor and after several tests they confirmed that yes, Scootaloo would never be able to live in the clouds with the other Pegasus. Her father had been devastated. Not for her, but for himself. He considered Pegasus and Cloudsdale the peak of society and shunned unicorns and land ponies. He thought they were below him and hated anything to do with them. Any pony that couldn't fly wasn't a pony worth talking to was his motto and he held fast to it. In his late teens, he had been a member of the Wonderbolts himself, and one of the best ever. Now he had sired a foal that couldn't fly and he couldn't justify the two. An offer came from Princess Celestia herself to cast a spell on Scootaloo that would allow her to at least walk amongst the clouds safely, but her father refused. He would not stoop to accepting charity from some high and mighty mixed blood alicorn.

He blamed the tiny foal Scootaloo for this turn of events and thought himself to be a suffering martyr. The only bright spot in his life was his first born, Quickfire. He was a competitive and edgy young pegasus who had taken after his father in their dislike for the land dwellers. In fact, he was already being watched by the Wonderbolts when the news came from the mayor that they were being asked, for the safety of their new foal, to move down to the land. Her father had fought it, hard, but the mayor would have nothing of it. It was for Scootaloo's own good and safety, and that's what mattered. He had already talked to the mayor of Ponyville and he had agreed to let them have any vacant building immediately, No bits required.

To minimize their dealings with the land ponies, her father had selected a house outside of Ponyville to the south, just across the river from a large apple farm. They still spent most of their time in Cloudsdale, however, leaving the young foal to fend for herself, setting up overlapping daycare, nurses and schooling. The land ponies seemed to take her in and they were a soft bunch, her father had thought. Always willing to help out those around them. The years passed and Scootaloo became a young filly, spending her time with her land pony friends and families while her father, mother and brother would disappear for days up to Cloudsdale and stay with her uncle.

Then, Quickfire disappeared. No one was sure exactly why he went into the Everfree forest. His friends up in Cloudsdale said it was because he was looking for a special flower for a girl he liked. Others said it was because a Wonderbolt had dared him to seek out a dragon's gem in order to join. Whatever the reason... he never returned. After two days, a pegasus search party was sent and her father was leading it. For days, far and wide they scoured the land looking for any sign of the missing pegasus. None was ever found. Eventually the mayor declined to send the search team out and declared Quickfire dead. Her father was destroyed. He asked the mayor to be allowed to move back to Cloudsdale, it was denied.

His life now in ruins, he took his anger and frustration out on Scootaloo every time he saw her. She was nothing but a marker of exactly where his proud and glorious pegasus life had ended.

The insults continued for a while, the same thing as always about how she ruined his life. She had heard this so often now that she believed it. Especially since she had no frame of reference. It ended as it always did. A statement about how the only reason he keeps coming here is to keep the house up and stocked with food so he doesn't get thrown in jail for filly abuse. With that, he collapsed on the couch and ignored her.

She turned, keeping her head down and moved back to her room, shutting the door behind her. She stood and sighed as the feelings of being inadequate and worthless washed over her. This was an emotion she was used to dealing with under normal circumstances but today was not a normal day. She had already been on the verge of an emotional breakdown and now she had just gotten the ol' one two punch from her dad. She wanted to curl up and die. Or... curl up with the only pony who wasn't a pony that made her feel the exact opposite. Mason. She needed to feel wanted and accepted now, more than ever.