Hey, It's Me

“Discord!” Twilight bellowed in her throne room, her voice echoing in the large crystalline room.

Classical instruments blared through the castle as the crystal walls were replaced with soft wood panels. Before Twilight a large stage appeared, a ballroom set appeared shortly after. As the music continued numerous smaller versions of Discord appeared, each dancing away in various forms of tights and tutu’s. As they danced and the music sped up a larger Discord appeared pirouetting out from stage right. He continued in his Pirouettes until the music ended. Leaning down towards Twilight, who was sitting in a velvet seat by the stage, Discord calmly spoke.

“You didn’t have to shout.”

Deciding to ignore Discords entrance, a stance many ponies who know the Draconequus  had taken, Twilight turned to the nearest Discord and asked him flatly, “What is this.” The ‘this’ was a small book of stamps that had Discords smiling face on it, which she waved in front of Discords face.

Discord twisted his head upside down, stroking his beard and squinting at the area of Twilight.

“That,” Discord reached out a call and pointed at Twilight’s hoof. “is a Hoof. That! Is a book of my Chaos Stamps! From my Community Service Project!”

“Community service?” That took Twilight completely by surprise.

“Why of course! What you think after the whole Tirek fiasco I wouldn’t try to pay back the community?”

“I kinda thought you would try to skate by.” Twilight admitted with a slight blush of embarrassment.

“Oh how you wound me Twilight!” Discord reeled back as though struck, multiple rubber knives appearing on his body. “That you of all ponies would think that I would try to go without paying my debt to society! To try and escape without helping my fellow Equestrian after all I have done to them. Oh, it hurts that you would say that! My poor, caring wounded soul reels back that such a close friend would say such cruel and harsh things!” The knives vanished and Discord seemed to shrink as a river of tears began to flow from his eyes, causing a small but growing body of water to fill the room.

“I have changed dear Twilight, you and the others have made me see the error of my chaotic ways. Oh, I know I make mistakes from time to time, but who doesn't? But I try! And for you to in. . .”

“Celestia made you do it, didn’t she?” Twilight interrupted in a deadpan, ducking under a flower vase that had been animated to act like a fish that had attempted to leap over her head.

“Yup.” Discord stopped the theatrics in a flash before snapping the water away and resetting everything to the way it was before, though he did leave a salty taste to the air. “Would you like a demonstration?”

A little wary, Discords creations had a habit of working in wonky ways after all, but curious none the less, Twilight nodded her head.

“Good! Now, it’s very simple. First you write a letter.” Discord snapped up a piece of paper and a quill, before drawing a heart, an actual beating pony heart, on the paper. “Then you put it in an envelope.” A envelope appeared and the drawing slid into it, completely of it’s own volition. “Address the letter to anypony, anypony at all.” He quickly jotted down ‘Fluttershy’. “Slam one of my patented chaos stamps on it and . . .” Discord placed his stamp on the envelope, the tiny Discord on the stamp gave him a thumbs up before snapping it’s fingers, causing the letter to disappear. “. . . voila!”

Discord floated in front of Twilight, looking rather proud of himself, as the youngest alicorn looked as though she was having a mini stroke trying to comprehend something. Twilight just stood in place for a while, eye twitching and occasionally shaking before a sudden calm fell over her. She took three long and calming breaths before addressing the reformed chaos spirit.

“Discord, I am going to list off the top three questions I have concerning this. I will not ask what kind of magic you are using on these letters, not after the last time I asked you how your magic brakes Star Swirls laws. Okay, question number one. Why letters?”

“Why not letters?” The draconequus asked.

Twilight shot Discord a withering look, clearly not wanting anymore of his games.

“Fine, you spoil sport, I chose letters because of you.” Discord admitted, not looking the princess in the eye.

“Me?” She asked, shocked.

“Yes, you. When Celestia was telling me how I had to do something nice for the ponies of Equestria, and maintain it, she received a letter from you. Now, she had been looking rather stressed at the time, most likely from my stress inducing stress ball I had been handing out, but when she saw that letter from you it was as though all that stress just melted away as she picked the letter up with a smile.” He shrugged, “It just came to me after that. Whats a better way to help ponies then allow them to contact each other easier, after all, not everypony can communicate almost instantly.” He laughed as he snapped up more chaos stamps before blowing them away, the stamps disappearing on the wind. “Well, now they can!”

“Oh, well,” Twilight began, never before considering how lucky she was to be able to message the Princess, and her family, nearly instantly before, “thats actually very thoughtful. Okay, question number two. What’s in it for you?And don’t do that ‘ I wound you!” thing again or I’ll make you clean the castle again. Without magic.”

Discord, who was in the middle of a dramatic pose with a whole scene set up and ready to go, pouted in disappointment before shoving everything to the left, where it magically disappeared. “Kill joy.” He muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing! And as for your question, all I get out of this is the knowledge I get to help friends stay connected. And possibly cause a little discord by making it so that ponies don’t have time to reconsider sending a letter as the stamps work the moment they are placed on a letter.” Discord finished in a rush, not liking the look Twilight had sent his way. Ever since the Tirek fiasco Twilight had taken to sending mild stinging spells at him whenever he started to annoy her. Something about it being nicer than being sent through a mountain.

Twilight shook her head, really, what she have expected from a spirit like Discord. And it wasn’t like what he was doing was really harmful, she had had many experiences where she immediately regretted sending a letter through Spike. “Okay, last question. Whats the effect on the postal system? Oh, and how much are stamps?”

“The stamps are free. And as for the post? Well, the stamps only work on letters, anything that fits in a regular envelope. Anything else has to go through the normal channels, so it shouldn’t hurt them to bad. Now, is there anything else, or can I get back to my play?”

Twilight gave a long look, before deciding that she had satisfied her curiosity. For now. She would grill him later after she got over the headache he had caused. And finished that paperwork upstairs. How did Celestia do it all? “Fine, you can go. But we are talking about this more later!”

Discord gave a whoop at being able to leave before disappearing in a pirouette, immediately appearing in his room of Fluttershy’s home, it was really a guest room, but he had claimed it for his own months ago and Fluttershy never went in there anyway.

“Okay, let’s get back to it!” He said with a laugh before digging into a small pile of letters.