I Am A Monster

by Vladmir Cavallo

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Romance
Length: 2497

Sometimes, it takes a force such as a broken love to bring out the monster within one's heart.

You probably never would've guessed that I, a being born from chaos and lies, once knew love. But it's true. And the one I had loved had been the only thing that made sense in this confounding world. But she broke my heart, and left me to wallow in the abyss of rejection.

She called me a monster.

And I showed them just what a monster really is.

(A little piece inspired by...well, it was mainly inspired by Aviator's song "Monster", but seeing as that was based on the comic "Discordantly", I suppose that the comic deserves more credit.)

Published 2012-04-28 21:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-28 21:54:01 UTC

I Am A Monster

Love is such a confusing thing. So hard to craft, so easy to shatter. A source of infinite joy, a catalyst for the greatest of tragedies. It manages to confound even I, the lord of confusion, the bane of order, the being that all others regard as a stain that must be removed. Love is truly a very chaotic thing. It comes and goes, it constantly changes...

And yet, even though we share many traits, love is all that I have come to despise.

It all started when I found her. The one that you now know as Princess Celestia, but who I knew as the single beacon of light in this cold, dark existence, the unknowing angel that had been sent down from the heavens to help me find my way. I was awestruck by her beauty, even in spite of how incredulous these feelings were. But then again, love is often born from the most implausible of situations.

And yet, I continued chasing after a hope that had been doomed from the beginning. She was an angel, but I was regarded as nothing more than a foul beast from the depths of Tartarus. Why had I not seen that it was never meant to be? Still, I tried to find some way of professing these feelings, lest they deprive me of whatever sanity I had to begin with. But being treated as a demon made it difficult to reach her. She was the princess, and I the lowly pauper.

I waited. Waited as days turned to weeks, which then gave way to months. Patience was never a virtue that I had greatly exemplified, but I was driven by a force that overcame mere habit. And then, the opportunity finally presented itself, as she was alone, wandering around the castle's gardens. Seizing the moment, I was quick to show myself and give away my feelings, the emotion pouring out like a painful waterfall. I ended my speech with a desperate plea to see who I really was, beyond what others had made me out to be, and presented to my goddess an offering: a bouquet of flowers that I had painstakingly chosen to best suit her.

Her expression of shock soon gave way to outrage as she threw my floral gift to the ground. She began berating me for having possibly thought that her and I could be together, serving to confirm the doubts that I had. Each word she spoke stung like arrows, and the truth of the situation slammed into me with all of the force of cannon fire. She concluded by stating that she never would love a monster like me, before walking away, having ripped out my heart and left me to bleed.

She called me a monster. I had heard "demon", I had heard "beast"...but that word, whether it was due to the slew of traits that came with it, or due to the one who gave it to me, crushed my soul and ground it into dust. It was then that I decided...

If everyone would call me nothing more than a monster, then perhaps I should embrace the label that has been assigned to me.

Perhaps I should become a monster.

And you know what?

I don't regret that decision to this day.

No, I don't regret it one bit. Because, with it, I soon found my true love, the one single thing that I could devote my life to, and the thing that did not judge me for who I was made out to be, who would accept me for who I was.

I found that the thing I loved above all was chaos.

And so, I began to spread this chaos throughout the land, finally being free from the shackles that I had bound myself to. I was able to have fun, even if it was at the expense of others. But who cares? After having suffered beyond imagination, seeing others share similar experiences had a delicious irony to it. In addition, I was able to show them what I could not in the past. I could show them what a "devil" or a "Tartarus-spawn" really was. They did not know the true meanings behind their words until then, and it was only with my enlightenment that they began to learn of them.

But not everyone appreciated the knowledge that I shared. The alicorns, who believed themselves to be the preservers of order, began stopping me at every turn. They professed love and tolerance, yet they were not able to tolerate someone such as me.

They're liars, that's what they are.

So I began what some would consider a massacre, but what I considered a cleansing. Freeing the world from their hypocrisy and prejudice. Famine, disease, tremors, blizzards, and storms alike all ravished their people, until they were all but extinct. And with their extinction came the unraveling of the lands, as grass turned to dust and water gave way to stone.

But I failed to realize that there were two survivors, who are still known far and wide to this day. Princess Luna...and none other than Celestia, the one who had helped me see things for what they really were.

They used their magic to bring what they considered life back into the lands, but what I saw as the death of the values I held near to my heart. Barren rock was replaced with lush meadows. The sun and the moon restored light to the empty void that the sky had become. I had created a work of art, and they sought to destroy it piece by piece.

And then they came for me.

I could not stand being confronted by the very same person I had poured my heart into, so I ran. I ran to the edge of the world, and still they pursued me, in an obsessive attempt to bring about the end of chaos. It could be likened to a genocide.

And at last, they finally found me. I, in blind arrogance that was driven by anger and desperation, attempted to battle them, but their powers were far too much for me to handle. And then they turned me into stone.

Have you been turned into stone? It is a horrible, horrible experience. The process is slow, oh so agonizingly slow. Imagine being slowly submerged into boiling lava, all movement ceasing as the excruciating wave of magic courses through your body, bringing all of your functions to a halt. And yet, they do not even show you the mercy of letting you die. No, you still live, trapped in a nigh-endless purgatory.

And the worst part?

The last thing I saw was none other than Celestia.

Time began marching onwards, yet to me, it felt as if it had come to a complete standstill. Time began losing all meaning in my current state, so I simply retreated inwards, delving into my own mind, with only lamenting words to comfort me. I had some degree of awareness as a statue, but all I ever saw was other ponies, gazing at me and making a variety of different remarks, most of them commenting on how hideous I looked.

Celestia had turned me into a trophy of her victory. She had put me there so that every single individual could laugh at me, so that I could never go without a reminder of the ugly creature that I had became. Anger began coursing through me, and from my confinement, I plotted revenge. Thousands of years spent plotting revenge. Either that, or cursing the two princesses for giving me this fate without a second doubt.

After centuries of hatred and despise, I felt the hold on my spell begin to weaken. I once again felt power shoot through my body. And finally, after countless years trapped in one place...

I was free.

The first thing I did was bring vengeance upon the artifacts that had condemned me to my fate, the Elements of Harmony. And it was easy. Too easy. Perhaps Celestia had no longer considered me a threat, perhaps she thought me to be forever doomed. How wrong she was.

With me having been freed, chaos began spreading across Equestria. Not on a grand scale, no. That would be saved for later. I'm talking about little things, like cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain. Have you ever tried chocolate rain? It's delicious, and I'm sure that Pinkie Pie will be able to attest to that.

I soon discovered that the Elements had chosen new bearers. A motley of six different ponies, each with their own little quirks and habits. As I watched them deal with my antics, I found myself becoming...endeared towards them. It was almost cute, how they tried to stand tall in the face of chaos.

But eventually they snapped. They always do.

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Where was I...oh, yes. When these six were called to Canterlot to meet with the Princess, Celestia told them about me...yet she failed to tell them the whole story, nor did she tell them my side of the story.

I hate alicorns. They're a bunch of liars.

However, when they found out that the Elements were gone...oh, you should've seen their faces! Priceless! It had been ages since I had seen such a reaction of shock and hopelessness. It reminded me of just how entertaining this really was. Of course, Celestia got mad at me and demanded that I show my face.

If it was even possible, she had gotten even more boring than she was to begin with. I don't know how I managed to fall in love with her, honestly.

So I did indeed appear before them, and formally introduced myself to the six. Celestia didn't seem to care for my sense of humor. But then again, no one else did, either. I then introduced them to a game of mine. Oh, how I loved this game. I've played it with a few of the alicorns before, you know. It's easy, really. Just trap them in a labyrinth and see how long it takes for madness to settle in. After all, what's the point of just killing them if you can't have a little fun with it?

And even better, why destroy them when they can destroy themselves for you?

So, they accepted to my little game. And I began confronting them one by one, making them see things from my point of view, making them abandon order and instead give in to the forces of chaos. It was almost pathetic how easily they fell. Usually it took days for them to break, after starvation and desperation began clouding their minds.

If you ask me, the Elements are becoming much more lax in their policies for choosing people to bear them.

Anyways, after I managed to trick one of them into breaking the rules that I had so delicately laid out, they lost and I won. But I always win this game. I'm the champion of this game. And my new-found victory, combined with the sheer look on that Twilight's little face, just made me start laughing, harder than I could ever remember.

Why is it that no one likes me laughing? Laughing is a good feeling. We laugh when we're happy. Do I not deserve to be happy?

I then began shaping Ponyville into a chaotic masterpiece. Roads of soap, flying pigs, raining pies...oh, it was truly a sight to see! I was contemplating simply razing the entire town, but this was far more entertaining!

Oh, and the screaming! Shrieks from all around, whether they were from agony or horror, filled the air like a fog, and I loved every moment of it!

Little Twilight thought that she could defeat me with the Elements, but this almighty power of friendship simply fizzled out! With her friends turned against her, and as her joy and happiness shattered like a piece of glass, harmony was dead! I had won!

I had never before felt such joy, such mirth! At long last, after more years of imprisonment than I had cared to count, I had finally taken over Equestria! This was the day that I had longed for since my last rule, and it was just as good...no, it was even better than my domination from millennia ago! For not only had I succeeded in conquering the kingdom, but Celestia and her pawns got the justice that they rightfully deserved!

But then...it happened.

I don't know how, but somehow, Twilight had managed to break free from my curse, and restore both the Elements of Harmony and her friends. In blind hubris that was fueled by my victory, I did not view the second attack as a threat, until it was too late, the Elements enveloping me in a blinding vortex.

And then I was turned into a statue.

Again.

Why must you ponies subject me to such torture?! What have I ever done that deserves such a wickedly disproportionate retribution?! Celestia, why could you not see me for who I really was?! Why did you spread these lies, these falsehoods about me?!

How would all of you like it if I turned you into stone?! You don't know what it feels like! But you don't care! You don't care how much suffering you put others through, so long as your dictatorship remains unchallenged!

How does it feel, Celestia, knowing that you were to blame for the destruction of your race?! If you had not shoved me aside, treated me with such indignation, then this monster you have now created would not have existed! You consider me evil, but it is you who is to blame for both my own suffering and the suffering of your people!

I'll watch your castle burn, Celestia! I'll watch everything you loved, this kingdom of deceit that you have worked so hard to create, burn down into the ground! I'll watch you burn down with it! And I'll laugh!

...

And so, here I am again. Stuck in this cage. I have no more hope. Hope has abandoned me...or perhaps I had abandoned it. I don't know anymore, but honestly...I don't care.

Sometimes, I wish I had eyes, so I can cry when I remember her face.

Sometimes, I wish I had a mouth, so I can scream when I remember her lies.

And sometimes I wish, beyond all rational thinking, that Celestia will at last be able to remember that day, and finally see me for who I really was.

I wish that somewhere inside her heart, there is some fragment of guilt for what she has done.

I wish that her and I could finally set aside our differences and embrace the love that she had shattered in eons past.

But I know that none of this will come to pass.

Because I am a monster.

And that will never change.