The door to the apartment opened, and musical laughter drifts into the house from outside as coppery light spills into the apartment from the landing. Of course, this wasn’t just any apartment. It was home to the famous ‘White Ninjer’, master of the assorted unions of heroes known collectively as ‘The League’. They were legends, they said. A league comprised only of legends. A legend league. Of course, that was at work. Here, in his multimillion dollar penthouse suite with helipad, power shower, indoor and outdoor swimming pool, seven racks of the finest leather boots available and fifteen different en suite bedrooms for when the league got together for parties, White Ninjer just wanted to be a regular dude chilling out with his girlfriend in beverly hills.
Meridith was cooking her normal Irish stew of fecal matter, potatoes and rabbit bones when ninjer walked in with a serious attitude.
“What beith wrongeth with youith todayith, hubbie?” The womanly woman from a non womanly age asked.
“I can never be an Ultramarine,” he said with true sorrow. “I will never know what it is to have a spiritual liege, or what it means to be the greatest of them all.”
“Do notith worryith, youith haveith a newith worldith to exploreith.” Meridian said, chipper even though most anglo-europeans detest irishmen and women more than they did negroes
“Of course! All of my new favorite friends are there in ponyville preparing a picnic with Princess Celestia. Oh, how I love the ponies in ponyville, especially Twilgih sparkle, spike, and sweetie belle. We get into sticky situations all the time, like that time they came here and visited the glue factory”
“Surprise!” said pinkie pie as she came out of a table. Dozens of ponies came spilling out of the rift in space and time with party favors and tax returns.
After a while, Meridia took a moment away from the agglomeration of ponies to sit down on the sofa, to start working on her boots. Ninjer promptly took them off and and began dancing on the dance floor.
He danced all night to that DJ all night. When he woke up the next morning, he realized that all the ponies from ponyville and canterlot, including the princesses, were sleeping on his couch. What a fun day, ninjer thought.
As he was strolling through the park, white ninjer found scootaloo sipping on an ice cream cone. Ninjer quickly grabbed and devoured the cone without a second thought due to his voracious hunger. Scootaloo, who knew it was all in good fun said “You got me this time, ninjer” and high fived him.
“I may be old, but I can still make it work.” Ninjer said as he walked off.
White Ninja stood atop the skyscrapers of cartoontown overlooking the great masterpiece of a city he owns and protects. White Ninja was about ready to go help save a cat that was stuck in a tree when a portal opened up in front of him.
“QUICK! AH NEED YER HELP!” a strange voice said from the portal.
“Don’t worry citizen! I shall save thee!” White Ninja said as he hopped into the portal without any further questioning.
After several minutes of being teleported White Ninja found himself in front of a strange orange horse with an apple tattooed to it’s rear. “well howdy there White Ninja! I’ve been expecting you!” Apple Jack said.
That’s when White Ninjer realized he has been teleported to equestria, the magical land of friendship and horses. “What honorable and heroic task is bestowed upon thee!?” White Ninja bellowed in confidence.
“I need ya’ll to pick tha cotton from tha fields for me.” Apple Jack said.
“...That’s it? You’ve called me here just to pick some cotton?” White Ninja asked.
“Yer darn tootin,” Apple jack said as she threw a pale of black paint on ninjer. “Now getta work, ya lazy ninjer.”
Although White Ninja was a little peeved with Applejack’s previous action, he gladly went to work on the cotton fields. “Saving people is my duty...and if this counts as saving people then I’ll do it.” Ninja said.
As Ninja was picking cotton he accidentally grabbed what he thought was cotton. “AAAAHHH LET GO OF ME!” Sweetie Belle screeched.
“LET ’ER GO!” Applejack said, but unfortunately was too late. White Ninja was too busy listening to death grips on his mp3 player to hear anything and happily threw Sweetie Belle into a cotton mill.
White Ninja had to be shaken for a long time before finally realizing what he just did. “Huh, what just happened!?” Ninja said.
“YA JUST DONE THREW SWEETIE BELLE INTA A DANG OLD COTTON MILL YOU YANKEE I TELL YA WHAT!” Apple Jack screamed.
“Wait, I can fix this.” White Ninja said.
“Do ya got any medical experience or somethin?” Apple Jack asked.
“Why would I have something as stupid as that? I have something better.” White Ninja said.
“Well Whatcha got then pardner?” Apple Jack asked.
“Don’t worry Apple Jack! I know a lot of important people and have a lot of connections, I got this.” White Ninja said confidently.
“EVERYONE GET ON THE GROUND THIS IS A ROBBERY!” White Ninja yelled inside of the Ponyville 1st National Bank.
“Hands up criminal scum!” A royal guard yelled. He pointed his gold tipped spear at White Ninja.
“WITNESS YOUR DOOOM!” White Ninja yelled as he flung out his tec-9 semi-automatic handgun, with a laser sight, chainsaw bayonet, incendiary ammo, holographic sight, recoil reduction grip, and an extended drum magazine. By the time Ninja was done unloading the entire magazine into the royal guard’s body he was well overcooked and dead once golden armour now looking like a combination of delicious american and swiss cheese.
“P-please don’t hurt us! I have a fashion show to get to! What do we have to do to get you to stop!?” Rarity asked.
“Put the money in the flim flaming bag and no one else gets hurt!” White Ninja yelled. Remembering that cussing is bad.
Sirens could be heard from outside the bank, royal guard we-OH, yeah I forgot to mention there was a silencer on his Tec-9 Semi-automatic handgun too...anyway-royal guard were forming a testudo formation facing the bank outside. “Come out and put your hands up!” The guard said in unison.
“If any of you do not comply with my demands then I will be forced to kill one pony every two minutes!” White Ninja impatiently yelled.
Two minutes went by at the speed of two minutes and White Ninja was ready for his next stage of action. “Alright so it seems I'm not getting any of the money I’ve demanded, so I believe it is about time to start making some glue out of you ponies. Do I have any volunteers?”
A pony who had a fishing rod, a tub of Ben and Jerry’s jamaican me crazy flavored ice cream and a burning desire to live came up with an idea, he casted the ice cream above the fashionista’s head. Rarity reached her hand up to grab it.
“It seems we have a volunteer!” Ninja said.
“NO WAIT! PLEASE! I have a sister! Don’t hurt me!” Rarity said before being blasted into nothing by the tec-9 semi-automatic handgun’s brute force.
“Now then, who is going to op-wait a second! I just remembered I have super ice powers!” White Ninja said as he took a bottle of liquid nitrogen out of his pocket and threw it at the safe. After the safe froze Ninja walked up to it and kicked it down with ease. He placed all the money into a rucksack and used his fancy teleportation device to get out of there without any issues.
Meanwhile in Canterlot.
“Are you enjoying your meal beloved sister?”
Princesses Celestia and Luna were enjoying a delicious dinner meal that Luna made.
“Yes, it’s amazing Lulu we’ve had hay bacon for centuries, but none before you tried making a whole hay ham. what inspired you?”
“It was a prank at first actually you see we would make pigs out of hay and let it “befriend” the ones outside before we stabbed it with the royal pitchfork.”
“Oh, that sounds… nice, sister.” Celestia felt nervous around her sister when she started to get like this.
“I want to cause them as much pain as mentally possible.” Luna whispered under her breath.
The door suddenly bursts open to reveal White Ninja standing in the doorway “Want one billion dollars? All you have to do is come run my city, uh, I mean come save Sweetie Belle.”
Luna and Celestia awkwardly stood there staring for a bit. “...You don’t have to bribe us, if you just asked we could’ve saved her for free.”
“...oh...whoops.” White Ninja said. It was in that moment that White Ninja realized that all that running made him really cold, so he burned the billion dollars for warmth. “Man I sure love this billion dollars.” White Ninja said.
Luna and Celestia Rushed to Apple Jacks farm as fast as they could and made it on the nick of time. They saved Sweetie Belle from impending death. “Wow, thanks for saving me. Anyway, where’s my sister?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Oh don’t worry ya lil rascal! Yer sister went out ta get some good ol cash from the bank!” Apple Jack said.
White Ninja nervously gulped and said “Welp, I think it’s time for me to leave like I like to do.” then Ninja teleported to his own dimension and was greeted by his beloved wife Merida.
“Ya did good son...ya did good.” Merida said as she smiled.
