The Pill

by chief maximus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Comedy
Length: 8940

Twilight's latest invention is a rousing success! At first.

The ever-helpful Twilight Sparkle sets out to design a compound to help increase brain activity in those who have a willingness to learn, but have trouble grasping difficult concepts. After acquiring a test subject in Rainbow Dash, the results are indisputable! Rainbow grasps new ideas and theories faster and more completely than ever before! But, how smart is too smart?

Published 2014-12-19 02:50:09 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-03 04:20:03 UTC

Monsters, and the Creation Thereof

Monsters, and the Creation Thereof

"No, the decimal gets carried over when you divide, remember?" Twilight said gently as Scootaloo groaned in frustration. The friendship castle's vaulted ceilings echoed with the pained moans of fillies trying in vain to complete their homework.

"Ugh, I hate math!"

"I know it's tough, but it's not impossible, I promise," Twilight assured her, glancing to the other side of her table where Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle had their noses buried in books. Apple Bloom looked up from her history textbook. She followed Spike with her eyes as he continued re-shelving the books of Twilight's personal library. Since the destruction of her old home, Twilight had made it her personal mission to rebuild the fortress of knowledge she had lived in before. All it took was a quick grant from the crown and she was able to get replacements for all but her most rare first-editions. The friendship castle was slowly becoming the friendship library.

"Spike, you don't know how good you have it," Apple Bloom complained. "Ah wish Ah didn't have ta go ta school."

The young dragon scoffed over his shoulder as he put the final books back on the shelves. "You think I don't go to school? You should try a lesson with Professor Sparkle."

Twilight smiled. "You know I can't just have you lazing around reading comic books all day."

Spike continued his chores as Twilight helped her pupils where she could, but no matter how many books on educational theory she read, trying to figure out each of the crusaders learning styles eluded her. Scootaloo continually struggled with her mathematics, Sweetie Belle had trouble with the rote memorization required for historically significant dates and events, and Apple Bloom detested what she called the 'boring rules of grammar'. Twilight knew they were capable of mastering the subjects. In fact, they were three of the brightest fillies she'd ever known! But something was blocking their potential.

After the girls had left, Twilight began searching for every book in her library on neuroscience and the anatomy of the pony brain.

"Twilight, it's high moon, why are you still awake?" Spike asked from his basket, covering his face with his blanket to block the candle light.

"Just a bit of research," she replied halfheartedly. She looked up from her books and smiled. "But I guess I could take my work to the basement."

Twilight gathered her materials and moved herself down to her laboratory. Since the destruction of her original home, Princess Luna had been instrumental in giving her the funding to rebuild her lab equipment. Since then, she hadn't really had much time to conduct experiments or concoct interesting chemical compounds. However, the events of the day had inspired her. Why was it that she was able to grasp such high mathematical and scientific concepts when many other ponies abhorred such difficult subjects? Her brain was no different than anypony else's, right?

Waist deep in her books, a knock at the door drew her attention. She climbed the stairs, figuring Spike was still asleep. Coming into the foyer of the castle, she shielded her face from the morning sun. Darn it Twilight, you forgot to go to bed, she thought, trotting to the door.

"Rainbow?" Twilight inhaled sharply. It certainly wasn't like her to use the front door. "Everything alright?"

Her eyes met her friend's. "Actually, I got a pretty big problem." Twilight welcomed her inside and she took a seat on her throne.

"Whats wrong?"

Dash took a deep breath. "If I want to go active duty with the Wonderbolts, I have to take a flight test."

"Is that the problem? You'll pass a flight test no sweat!" Twilight replied.

"It's a written flight test," Dash groaned.

Twilight frowned. "Well, it's not the end of the world," she said, trying to lift he spirits. "The girls and I would love to help you study just like we did before!"

Her optimism had just the opposite effect of what she'd hoped for. Dash sank back into Twilight's couch.

"Do you think you could get the girls to act out the formula for finding the lapse rate? Or how about the temperature that fog forms?"

Twilight couldn't help but giggle. "Well, fog formation isn't tied to a specific temperature, it's actually a function of the free air temperature and the dew point—" she stopped, understanding the point Rainbow was trying to make. "Right, I guess this is going to be a bit tougher than last time. Did they at least give you a study guide or something?"

"Yeah," Rainbow sighed, digging into her saddle bag and producing a book about three inches thick, dropping it on the conference table between them for dramatic effect. She slid the tome over to Twilight as she opened the cover.

"Hmm..." Twilight said, flipping through the chapters. "Rainbow, with the exception of chapters four and six, most of this is just weather based. Isn't this something you already know?" A fair assumption, considering her job as town weather manager would entail at least cursory knowledge of the job.

"You know I'm no good with the numbers side of things! I'm a doer, not a thinker! I mean, I was lucky to pass the reserves test... I'll never make it past this."

Twilight looked through the multitude of print describing cloud formation, the conditions needed for them to form, the possible hazards, everything from raindrops to lightning bolts was contained in this one massive book. Sweet Celestia, she might be right Twilight shook the thought from her head. Rainbow could do anything she set her mind to! All she had to do was help her out.

"Nonsense, Rainbow, you and I will figure this out. When is your test? A month from now? Two months?" she asked hopefully.

"A week from today."

"All this in one week?" Twilight replied in shock. "How can they possibly expect anyone to know all this in one week?"

Rainbow scratched the back of her neck and began to blush. "Well... I've had it for a bit longer than that..."

Twilight's expression flattened. "How much longer?"

"About, uhm... two months."

Disbelief and anger fought inside her as to which emotion would dominate. "Two months, and you just bring this to me now?"

"I'm sorry! I just had other stuff I had to do, and I kept telling myself I'd get to it later, and I never really... did."

Twilight rubbed her hooves over her eyes and sat back in her throne. "Okay, well, let's get started."

She spent the entirety of that day trying to help Rainbow learn, but found it difficult. As with before, Dash was much more suited to visual learning styles, but trying to act out dry adiabatic cooling, or how advection fog forms would challenge even the most talented actor. Before she realized it, the sun had already sunk back down, and Rainbow seemed no more ready for the test than when she came in that morning.

"Look, I haven't had a lot of sleep, so I think here's a good place to stop," Twilight yawned, closing the giant book and stretching her legs. "When are you free tomorrow?"

"I can come over on my lunch break, and again after work." Rainbow frowned ears flattening against her head, staring at the numerous flashcards, the three empty kettles of tea, and various study aids scattered across the table. "I really screwed up big time on this one."

Twilight stood from her chair, placing a gentle hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "Hey, we still have time. We'll figure something out."

"Thanks, Twilight." Rainbow smiled before gathering her things and heading toward the door. Once she had left, Twilight found herself contemplating a night on the floor. The stairs were a daunting task functioning on a few scant hours of rest. She made it up the stairs with the help of her fancy new wings, and settled into bed, more than intent on sleeping like a rock. However, the events of the day and the one before would influence her time in dreamland as well.

Spike woke up at his usual time that morning, ready to put on a kettle of tea and begin his morning routine. He looked to Twilight's bed after rubbing the sleep from his eyes. She was gone.

"Twilight?" he called, to make sure she wasn't in the bathroom. He climbed out of his basket and began down the stairs. "Twilight, you down here?" he asked, coming down the stairs and noticing the door to her lab ajar, a flickering of strange lights coming from just beyond. Not that it was unusual for strange lights to creep from beyond that particular door, but Spike always made it a point to at least investigate what she was doing down there, just to make sure he didn't have another crisis brewing that may threaten the town.

He headed into the basement lab and peered around the corner. Twilight was wearing her safety goggles and white lab coat, holding a beaker filled with glowing blue liquid in one magical field and a container of silvery liquid in another. A small drop of the blue into the silver, and the container began to fizz and shake. Twilight quickly placed the container in what she called her 'bad experiments' box, which was nothing more than an armored box the put things she thought was likely or at least had an outside shot of exploding.

A muffled pop was all that remained of what could have been a castle shattering explosion. Twilight opened the box and removed a single pill, half blue, half silver.

Spike walked up beside her to admire her work. "Do I even want to know what this is?"

"This, Mr. Grumpyscales, is the result of another near all-nighter and an inspirational dream!"

Spike exhaled through his nostrils. "And what's it for?"

Twilight removed the pill from the box and set it in a prescription bottle. "I'm glad you asked!" she smiled, checking off a few items on her clipboard and removing her lab coat and safety goggles. "It's for helping Rainbow study for her Wonderbolts test." Spike followed her around the lab as she came to a table with a maze with a piece of cheese at the center. Two white mice sat at opposite ends of the maze. "Now, as you recall yesterday, Rainbow Dash has trouble remembering figures and formulas, with a special deficiency of her ability to retain said information. Now, with my research on neuroscience in the previous month, combined with the motivation to help Rainbow Dash study on her own, I developed a chemical compound that should allow Dash to retain, interpret, and understand even the most high mathematical concepts!" Twilight turned her attention to the mice in the maze. "Jackie, on the left here, is my control, she was given nothing but water and food. Barnabas, the mouse on the right was given just a few micrograms of my compound." Spike peered over the edge of the maze. The control mouse seemed content trying to sniff his way to the cheese, while the other mouse sat in his starting area, squeaking to a group of other mice from beyond his enclosure.

"The mouse on the left tries time and again to complete the maze, but the mouse on the right climbed over the walls to get the cheese at first. Now, he's explaining to his mouse brethren that the maze is pointless, and they'd get cheese whether they completed it or not!"

Spike nodded, taking a step back and examining the pill. "Twilight, are you sure it's a good idea to make things smarter than they're supposed to be?"

Twilight scoffed. "Spike, I'm doing this to help a friend fulfill her dream. Besides, it's not permanent, the effects will wear off soon after she's done with the test."

The young dragon set the pill back on the tray. "And you're sure there is no way this is going to spiral out of control and have unforeseen consequences on a town-wide scale?"

"Spike, what kind of scientist would I be if I didn't take every necessary precaution?" Twilight took the pill in her magic and headed upstairs.

"But you're not a scientist. You're a princess, remember?"

Twilight set the tray on the table in the throne room, Spike's footsteps echoing around the vaulted ceilings above them. "I can be more than one thing, Spike."

Spike would have protested further, but he had long since figured out that as motherly as Twilight acted towards him, he had to let her make her own mistakes. "I'm going on record as saying that you playing Celestia is a bad idea."

Twilight removed her tea kettle and set it on the stove after filling it with water. "Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll study as hard as I can with Rainbow Dash today, and if it looks like she's making progress, I won't give her the pill."

Spike raised his hands as he walked up the stairs to his basket. "You do whatever you want, just don't say I didn't warn you."

Twilight's face scrunched as she watched him go. "Always with the negativity..." Twilight sighed as she prepared her breakfast, casting wayward glances at the pill as it lay on the table. "No. Rainbow needs to realize that her actions have consequences. If she wouldn't have procrastinated, this wouldn't be happening." In her heart, she knew Spike was right. Besides, who was she to shortchange Rainbow's accomplishments by letting her cheat? Rainbow is perfectly capable of memorizing over six hundred pages in less than a week.

The more she thought about it, the more absurd it sounded. Not even she was capable of such a feat. At least not involving a subject she had no prior knowledge regarding.

"It would be nice to test my creation... but I can't let Rainbow feel cheated, she'd want to earn her spot on the Wonderbolts by her own merit, not with something I made in a lab!" Twilight stomped her hoof, her nose held high. She would take the high road. With a quick flash of magic, the pill levitated onto the counter.

By lunchtime, Rainbow entered in her usual door-less fashion, and they began their session. After three hours, it was becoming abundantly clear that Rainbow simply was not capable of the rote memorization this kind of test required. As Twilight rubbed her eyes, her mind drifted toward last night's experiment. No, this can work. Rainbow would never take the easy way out.

"Spike, can we get another kettle of tea?"

"Yeah, but I'll have to wash one," the young dragon said, taking the multiple teapots to the kitchen. As he went, Twilight decided to pose a simple question.

"Rainbow, if there was an option that would allow you to memorize all of this in time for this test, would you take it?"

She barely had time to finish her sentence before Rainbow replied. "Are you serious? Of course I would!" Her eyes lit up instantly. "Did you come up with a spell or something?"

"No, it was... it was just a hypothetical." She smiled, the fire fading from Dash's eyes.

"Oh... well I guess we should get back to this then—"

A crash from the kitchen drew both their attention.

"Spike, are you okay?" Twilight shouted, springing up from the table and skidding to a halt above her number one assistant, shards of the teapot he was cleaning littering the floor.

"Yeah... I'm good," he said, trying to get to his feet, but instead being yanked into the air by purple magic.

"Are you bleeding? Are there any shards in your—"

"Twilight!" Spike shouted, staring her in the eye. "I'm fine, scales are tougher than you think." His smile was all she needed to drive the point home as she set him down. "The tea's ready, by the way."

She carried the teapot to the table as she started on what had to be her tenth cup that evening. The moon was already high in the sky, and her bedtime was rapidly approaching. "Tea, Rainbow?" Twilight always offered, though she knew better. Rainbow Dash had never liked tea, as far as she knew. Though she could assume that was probably because she didn't have the patience for water to boil.

"Actually, yeah, I'll take some." Twilight raised her eyebrows as she looked up from her glass. "Don't give me that look. You drink it, and you're a super-genious, so maybe some of that'll rub off on me."

She couldn't help buck giggle. "Rainbow, I don't think the tea has anything to do with my intelligence," Twilight replied, sliding her the cup she was going to drink. But, the placebo effect is well-documented... "But, if it'll help you, I'm all for it."

Twilight knew they'd only have an hour or two left of useful study time before they would both need a good night's rest. The time passed just as the hours before had, with Dash's gradual progress showing promise, but simply not happening fast enough to prepare her for a comprehensive exam only days away.

"Alright, Rainbow I'm pretty tired. What say we pick up chapter four where we left off tomorrow?"

Dash moaned as she drug her hooves across her face. "I just spent nearly a whole day studying. I don't know if I'll survive five more."

"Remember why you're doing this, and you'll be fine," Twilight said, seeing Rainbow out of the friendship castle.

"You're right. I mean, if I can't push myself for my dream, then who's gonna?"

Twilight smiled. "That's the spirit. Goodnight, Rainbow."

"'Night, Twi."

As soon as she closed the door, she heard a terrified shout from the basement.

"Spike?" She called, getting no reply. She trotted carefully down the stairs only to recoil in shock. Spike was bound, hanging by his heels with tape over his mouth.

In an instant, Twilight rushed over to him, cutting the twine with her magic and tearing off the tape. "Spike, what on equis happened?"

"The mice! That one you gave the smart pill to... I saw him, and then there was fur everywhere!"

Twilight looked around. All her mice enclosures were empty!

On the table, a tiny scrap of paper lay beside a puddle of ink. Twilight made out small scribbles as she searched for a magnifying glass.

Twilight Sparkle,
While I was most content with my life of leisure in your laboratory, a recent experiment of yours has opened my eyes to the vastness of the world beyond my enclosure. It is with this in mind that I orchestrated mine and my brethren's escape from the confines of your basement. There is much more to this life than cheese at the end of a maze. On one paw, I suppose I should be angry with you, keeping my kind and I trapped in cages, but on the other paw, were it not for your experiments, I would never have awakened as truly as I have today. Jacqueline and I are taking the rest of our kind into the wilderness to build a civilization for the good of mouse-kind.

Regards,

Mouse, Barnabus the

"This... this should've worn off by now!" Twilight said, putting a hoof to her forehead. She turned quickly to the stairs. "Spike, we need to destroy that pill!"

Spike followed quickly behind her as they entered the kitchen. Twilight gasped. "Spike, what happened to the pill?"

"It should be on the counter." Spike dragged a stool over and climbed on it, helping her look.

"I put it right here, where did it go?"

A cold weight dropped into Twilight's stomach. "Spike... when you slipped earlier, did you bump the counter?"

"Probably, I was trying to catch myself on something."

"Oh Celestia... Spike, the pill, it must have fallen off the counter, look on the floor!" Twilight put her cheeks on the cold marble floor, looking desperately beneath her cabinets.

After ten minutes of searching, Spike's back started to hurt. "Twilight, it's not down here."

She sat back on her haunches in a huff. "Well then where is it, Spike?"

"I dunno, the only thing near the pill when I fell was the tea I made for... you... guys..."

The color drained from Twilight's face. "Rainbow drank the entire pot!"

"Well, at least she'll pass her Wonderbolt test!"

Off the Rails

The flight from Twilight's back to her house was uneventful. The winds were out of the northeast, giving her a bit of a headwind on her way. Over the howling winds, a distinctive and familiar rumble reminded her that she'd skipped dinner. Her home in sight, she sped up and landed gracefully on her porch, folding her wings at her sides and stepping inside. She dropped her saddlebag by the door and looked at her apartment. As she turned on the lights, she noticed something different about her home. It was as if she was truly seeing it for the first time. Her old flight magazines littering the coffee table in an unorganized pile, a few of her Wonderbolt reserve uniforms hanging over the backs of her furniture, not to mention the dirty dishes piled high in the sink, all jumped out at her and demanded her attention.

"How did I let my house get so gross?" She walked into her kitchen to inspect the dishes. "Well, I guess this comes first." It made sense. After all, if she wanted to make food, she'd need those dishes. Ordinarily, Dash hated housework, and more or less anything not leisure or flight related. This time, however, the drudgery didn't bother her. In fact, it seemed almost... fun, to create a presentable home. Before she knew it, the dishes were done. Her stomach grumbled again, reminding her what time it was.

She scanned her cupboards for something appetizing. Lot's of ingredients... That was true, yet she had no idea how to combine them into something tasty. Until she recalled a recipe she had read while flipping through a cook book back in Twilight's library on a lazy Saturday.

It was hayseed casserole with all the trimmings. She could see it in her mind as plain as if it were right in front of her face. Dash checked her pantry and placed the ingredients on the counter.

The instructions seemed pretty straightforward, and in no time, she was well on her way to a filling dinner. As she popped the casserole in the oven, something occurred to her. The last time she'd tried to make anything harder than a grilled cheese sandwich, the fire department got involved. She opened the oven and peered inside to check her food. The heat washed over her face as she scanned her creation. Did I forget something? Add a wrong ingredient?

It smelled incredible, and would be ready in an hour. She closed the oven and glanced back into her living room. It was a bit untidy, and she did have an hour until dinner was ready...

In a half hour, her house was as clean as she could remember. She flopped down on her couch and wondered what she could do for the next thirty minutes. The stern face of Spitfire stared up at her from the coffee table as Dash picked up the magazine. She turned to the first article and read it completely, then the next, then the next until she found herself at the back cover. That had to have taken up some time she thought, looking to the Wonderbolts clock on the wall.

11:37

Rainbow gasped in surprise. "I read this whole magazine in four minutes?" she said aloud to herself. Dash glanced toward her saddlebag, her massive study guide peeking out from the corner of her bag. She grabbed it and set it down on the table, opening to the page Twilight had marked as their stopping point. Dash began reading, and unlike the hours spent with Twilight, Rainbow didn't absolutely hate what she was doing for some reason. She found the subjects almost... bearable.

Paragraph after paragraph, page after page, Dash flew through the book like she flew through the air. Before she knew it, she found herself at the index of the manual. She looked to the clock.

11:58

Rainbow's jaw hit the floor. "It only took me twenty-one minutes to read half this book?" she said aloud. Dash walked into the kitchen to pull her food out of the oven. It was cooked to perfection, and smelled heavenly. She cut herself a piece and took it back to the coffee table, still contemplating her newly acquired skill. Maybe I just skimmed through it...

She opened the book to the table of contents and picked a chapter. "Chapter seven: low level wind shear and hazardous conditions." Instantly, Rainbow could visualize every piece of useful information. It was as if her brain was a deck of cards, and they were now organized in the most efficient and convenient way possible. Every bit of knowledge she'd ever run across was now at her beck and call.

But why?

Why now? Why not during her first Wonderbolt exam? Why not in flight school?

Rainbow wasn't sure why her brain suddenly decided to start working far more efficiently than it had before, but she wasn't about to question it. After all, she had just knocked out all the studying she thought she'd be stuck with Twilight doing for the next week in under a half hour. What more could she ask for?

Dash took a bite of her dinner and nearly choked.

This is incredible! she thought to herself, attacking the rest of the food and promptly going back for seconds. I can cook now, too? she asked herself, recalling her previous horrifying failures at creating culinary art. She decided to save some of her dinner to pass around to her friends. Any chef can insist their food is the best if they're the only one that eats it.

After dinner, Rainbow looked around her house for other books she'd borrowed from the library (back when it existed) and hadn't had time to read. She finished the Daring Do book she'd been putting off in just under an hour, before deciding it was time for bed. A stack of unread books on flight theory and physics of the atmosphere lay next to her bed, given to her as supplements to assist her in understanding the topics more thoroughly. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, a horrifying thought occurred to her.

Sweet Celestia, what if I'm becoming an egghead?

The next day, Dash awoke refreshed. Unusual for a pegasus in such dire need of midday naps. Her normal mornings consisted of a groggy wake, followed by copious amounts of coffee, which was then followed by her midmorning crash and nap. However, today she was up and raring to go at six in the morning, quite a departure from her usual wakeup time.

She made herself a quick breakfast and still had over three hours before she had to report to the weather station.

"I know! I'll go see what AJ's up to. She's always up this early."

With that, Dash took off from her porch heading towards the stately farm on the edge of town. In no time at all, the apple trees sprouted over the horizon and she glided down to her favorite farmer as she sat on her haunches, her hat tilted back on her head.

"Hey, AJ!" Dash greeted happily, having already had her morning cup of java.

"Rainbow?" Applejack replied curiously. "What got you outta bed this early?"

Dash landed softly beside her. "Couldn't sleep."

Applejack had to contain her laughter. "Come again? That don't sound like any RD I've ever met."

"How many have you met?"

"More'n most ponies could take," Applejack replied, looking back toward her orchard.

Rainbow followed her line of sight. "Something up with the orchard?"

She sighed, removing her hat and wiping her brow. "Yeah, imported apples are undercuttin' our crop. They got one of them factory farms out near Appaloosa, and ever since it opened they've been cuttin' into our business."

As Dash thought about her pal's predicament, the answer seemed obvious. "Why don't you just lower your prices?"

Applejack snickered. "I can't, we're barely making anything as it is." She stood up, walking over to the barn. "Mac went'n borrowed some business books from Twilight ta try and drum up some sales, but so far he's only made it through half of one."

Dash raised an eyebrow. "You think I could take a look at those books?"

Rainbow sat in Applejack's living room, pouring over the books laid out on the coffee table.

"I wouldn't believe it if it weren't right here in front of me," she mused, watching Dash scan the volumes, her mane tied in an uncharacteristically studious ponytail.

After about an hour, she closed all the books and looked to Applejack with a warm smile. "I know exactly how to fix your problem."

She sat back. "Really? Shoot, it's only been an hour!"

Rainbow chuckled. The solution was obvious, how could Applejack not see it? "Raise your apple prices by fifty percent."

"Fifty percent?" Applejack parroted in shock. "But we're hardly outsellin' them as it is!"

"I know, all you have to do is market your apples as vintage, hoof-crafted, organic, while at the same time, implying apples that aren't yours, are just massed produced, standardized bland fruit pulp."

Applejack rubbed a hoof to her forehead. "But, how will callin' our apples all those things make ponies want ta buy 'em?"

"It's called exclusivity, something costs more, therefor, ponies must think it's worth more."

"So, you're tellin' me, that ponies will actually buy somethin' just because it's more expensive?"

Dash leaned back on her side of the couch. "Eeyup."

Applejack sat quietly for a moment, considering the advice Rainbow had just given her. "Well, I'm gonna run this by Mac, but this looks like it might just be crazy enough to work!"

Rainbow flew back to her house, still an hour from having to be at work. Dash stepped into her house and glanced at her never-before-opened weather manual. She smiled.

I bet I can turn that place into a two pony operation by quitting time today.

"Alright, let's look at the positives," Twilight said, pacing around the throne room, Spike watching from the couch, having seen her this way an uncountable number of times before. "I have a pony test subject to observe!" she smiled, her eyes shining with the possibility of new and exciting discoveries. "Who has no idea she's been given an untested and experimental formula without any timeline for it to wear off..." she looked to Spike. "What have I done?"

"Well, it's pretty obvious," Spike replied. "It will wear off though, right?"

Twilight flopped on the couch next to him. "I'm pretty sure it will... Sweet Celestia, Spike, how could I have let this happen? Why didn't you tell me what a bad idea this was?"

Spike straightened up. "I did tell you what a—"

"Spike, this is no time for arguing! I have to do something."

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to find an antidote. Just in case this thing goes off the rails."

"Right, because that's never happened before."

Dash sat behind her desk. It was only two thirty, but she'd already compiled the weather schedule for the next two years. "Now what?" she asked herself, spinning idly in her chair, balancing a pencil on her nose.

Maybe some of the girls need help with something?

By the end of the day, she'd helped Fluttershy create the towns first animal sanctuary for dangerous and legendary creatures of the Everfree, designed an award winning ball gown for Rarity's fall line, and baked a cake so tasty that Pinkie Pie decided to destroy the recipe rather than release something so unfathomably delicious on an unsuspecting society.

By sunset, Rainbow was once again out of ideas.

I know, I'll bet Twilight has something she needs done! She's always got some crazy science stuff going on!

Twilight answered the knocks at her door to find her unwitting test subject waiting outside. "Hey, Twilight!"

"Rainbow, how are you doing today?" Twilight asked, a smile plastered across her face.

"Great! I know we were supposed to study tonight, but I don't need to anymore!"

Twilight blushed, inviting her in. "That's great, but... well, why?"

Dash sat down on her throne and put her hooves up on the table. "It's the weirdest thing, when I was flying home from your house, and I cleaned. Like, I cleaned a lot. Then, I made dinner, and I rocked it! Normally, I can't even boil water, but I made a casserole that will knock your socks off!" she replied, rummaging through her saddle bag and finding a container with a bit of her creation from last night.

"Rainbow, I'm not wearing so—" Rainbow cut her off, shoving a piece of her dinner into her mouth. After Twilight stopped coughing, she tasted one of the greatest things she'd ever eaten. It was pure happiness in edible form, so delicious Twilight nearly wept with joy.

"This is incredible!"

"I know! Then I blasted through this book like it was nothing! And I remember all of it!" she beamed.

Twilight smiled. "So, you just, all of the sudden, became a speed-reader?" she asked, taking out a scroll and ink and started writing.

"Yeah, and not only that, I actually get the stuff I read!"

Twilight nodded. "Any idea why that might be?"

"Yeah, actually, I know exactly why all of this happened," she said flatly, staring at her with knowing eyes.

Twilight's smile faded. "L-look, Rainbow, I—"

"I'm a genius! I don't know why it took so long for my brain to finally start working like this, but it is and it's awesome!"

She breathed a sigh of relief as she put the quill back to paper. "Have you been experiencing anything else unusual? Headaches, nosebleeds, any negative side-effects?"

Dash raised an eyebrow. "Side-effects? Of what?"

"Of..." Twilight's eyes shot from Dash, to the empty couch, back to Dash. "Becoming so smart so quickly!"

"Nothing, but I do have some good news. I moved the test up to tomorrow! I'm headed to Canterlot in the morning to ace that test!"

"Really, you're ready for it after one day?"

"You bet, ask me anything!"

Twilight flipped through her flashcards. "Okay, what is the lapse rate—"

"Two degrees Celsius per thousand feet," Dash shot back before she could finish.

"Wow... it really does work!" Twilight clapped her hooves together excitedly. The old Rainbow thought lapse rate meant the rate at which someone gets lapped in a race.

"What does?" Dash asked.

"Our study techniques, of course!" she replied. Good save, Twilight.

"Right, anyway, I just came by to let you know I appreciated the help. Also, you think I could borrow some of your books? I want to get some reading done before bed."

Twilight rubbed her ears in disbelief. "Books? As in, other than Daring Do or comics?"

"Yeah, Daring Do is awesome, don't get me wrong, but I'm looking for something a bit more... involved, you know?"

Her smile could hardly contain itself between her ears. Rainbow Dash actually wanted to check out real books! "Of course you can, Rainbow! I've been reading through these, and I've made some notes in the margins, but feel free to add anything you feel is important!" she said, floating a variety of books of every subject into her friend's saddlebag.

"Thanks, Twilight. It's getting pretty late, I'll let you know how I did on the test tomorrow!" With that, Rainbow disappeared through an open castle window.

"Finally, I'll get to have an actual intellectual conversation with one of my best friends!" Twilight squealed.

"Ahem."

Spike sat at the top of the stairs. "I know I don't have to tell you how morally jacked up this is." The young dragon folded his arms. "Do I?"

"No, I know it isn't right, but I'm just going to give her one more day so she can pass her test, then I'll give her the antidote and get the normal Rainbow back."

Spike scoffed.

"C'mon Spike, twenty four more hours, what could she possibly do that I can't fix in one day?"

Author's Note

Stay tuned for the conclusion!

Endgame

The following day came and went, with no contact from Rainbow Dash.

Twilight paced around her living room once more.

"Spike, what if something happened to her?"

The young dragon's normally calm demeanor evaporated. Usually, Spike was the voice of reason to Twilight's occasional manic episodes. Usually, Spike knew his roommate was accustomed to making mountains out of molehills. However, usually, a scientific experiment gone awry was not the cause.

"She can take care of herself, this is Rainbow Dash we're talking about here!" Spike replied.

"A hyper-intelligent Rainbow Dash! Who knows what kind of trouble she's gotten herself into! This is Rainbow Dash we're talking about here!"

Spike sat on the couch. "Good point..." He rubbed his chin in thought before an idea struck like lightning. "Hey, why don't you ask the princesses if they've seen her?"

Twilight's eyes brightened. "Spike, you're a genius!" She quickly penned a letter to her superiors and sent it off in a puff of green fire.

Within moments, a reply arrived, announced by a belch of green flames.

My most faithful student,

Rainbow Dash is doing fine, she is however exhausted from the rigors of her test, and has decided to sleep in the palace instead of attempting to fly back to Ponyville. It is my pleasure to inform you that she passed with flying colors, achieving the highest grade possible on the exam! As is customary, she is entitled to stay as long as she wishes, and she has in fact taken a great interest in the political dilemmas facing the kingdom. I must admit it is refreshing to allow a fresh set of eyes to examine our most daunting issues. You are of course, more than welcome to visit the palace at any time.

Yours eternally,
Princess Celestia

Twilight breathed a heavy sigh of relief, comforted by the knowledge that her friend/test subject was doing just fine. "Well, at least she passed her test."

Spike sat up on the couch. "Wait, so you aren't worried about that last part? About how Rainbow and her super-intelligent brain is looking over all that political stuff?"

Twilight smiled, taking Spike by surprise. Ordinarily, this would be a perfect moment for Twilight to have one of her episodes.

"Spike, don't be silly, the princesses have over two thousand years of political experience! I'm sure they'll temper her suggestions with their sage wisdom."

"All I'm saying is, the Changelings can be placated by a simple trade agreement."

The royal court held silence, listening intently on Dash's proposal.

"And what do you propose they offer us in exchange for a few ponies volunteering their services to produce the love they need to survive? We must not allow them to believe we are paying them a tribute to keep them from attacking us again," Luna replied firmly.

Rainbow thought for a moment. "The Changelings produce chitin, a compound found only in the deepest mines and in their molted exoskeletons, that's used in everything from cosmetics to spices. As of now, it costs five hundred bits to produce one ounce of this material. If we strike a deal with them, the price will drop to fifty bits per ounce."

A noble stroked his beard before speaking. "How will lowering the price effect the economy? It seems that some powerful executives may not appreciate this drop in revenue."

Dash smiled. "That's just it. As of now certain items are only available to the wealthy, but making them affordable and accessible to more ponies is going to mean more profit in the long run, as well as more tax revenue for the crown."

Silence filled the council chamber as Celestia and Luna considered the proposal.

"It makes sense. If Queen Chrysalis will accept the terms, then we will supply her kind with a few ponies each month in a rotation, in return for the compound." Celestia ruled. A bang of her gavel, and the meeting was adjourned.

As the other nobles filed out of the chamber, the Princesses caught up with her.

"Rainbow Dash, that was quite a shrewd proposal! I had no idea you were so well versed in trade agreements," Princess Luna complimented.

"Well, I wasn't, but after my test, I decided to check out the library, did a little reading, and well, here we are!" She smiled.

"It was certainly unexpected, but perhaps we could solicit your advice on a few other matters that have been brought to our attention?"

"Actually... yeah, I think I can help out."

"Alright Spike, I'll only be gone for the evening. I need to make sure Rainbow gets this antidote," Twilight said, her saddlebags packed and slung around her shoulders. It had taken her all day to create the antidote, and night was soon to fall.

"Don't worry, I'll keep things under control while you're gone."

She smiled, giving Spike a hug before leaving. "I know I can count on you."

In a flash of purple magic, Twilight disappeared. As the smoke cleared, Spike breathed a sigh of relief. "Now that she's out of the house, I can finally get some reading done." He sat on the couch and opened his favorite comic book, removing the bookmark and settling in before a knock came from the door.

Spike groaned in annoyance as he forced himself from the couch. "Who is it?" he asked, approaching the door.

"It is a normal pony citizen in need of the library!" an extremely high pitched voice answered.

Spike paused. "What the..." He opened the door. his eyes went wide. "Oh shi—!"

Twilight appeared outside the castle gates, the two guards stationed there rendering a salute. "Good evening, Princess Twilight."

"Evening," she said looking around for anything out of the ordinary. "Anything strange or unusual happen in the past day or so?"

The guards looked at each other. "Nothing to report, Princess."

"Very well then. Is Rainbow Dash still here?"

"Yes, Your Highness, she was last holding afternoon court with the Princesses."

Twilight huffed. I've never been asked to afternoon court!

"Thank you."

She strolled into the palace gardens on her way to the massive front doors of the castle. Twilight stopped in front of the doors and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Everything is going to be fine. I'm going to walk in here, and Princess Celestia and Luna will be right there on their throne, happy to see me, she assured herself before opening the door and allowing the crier to announce her. What she sees in front of her nearly drops her jaw to the floor.

"Rainbow?!"

Dash sat lazily on the throne of Equestria, Celestia's regalia hanging loosely around her shoulders and head. "Hey, Twilight!" she said happily.

"What... how?"

"Well, funny story..." Dash began, kicking her hind hooves over the side of the throne. "After I came back from my Wonderbolts test—which I aced by the way—I decided to stop by the palace for the night. I was pretty exhausted, but it turns out I only needed about two hours of sleep before I was wide awake. Then, I hit the library and did a little research on whatever I could get my hooves on. It was then I discovered an ancient spell that warps time itself! Given, I had to translate it from ancient Equen, but that wasn't too hard once I powered through a few books on it. Anyway, I get Princess Luna to cast it for me, and I was able to read every book in the entire Canterlot library in one hour! Even though it felt like a week on my end."

Twilight was at a loss for words. "You... you read every book?"

"Yeah! Then I got invited to sit in on the royal court, and helped them with some of their problems. After that, they told me neither of them had taken a vacation in over five hundred years! Can you believe that? Anyway, I told them they shouldn't spend another second in this castle and so they took off to Saddle Arabia. By the way, have you noticed almost everything is named after some kind of pony pun? What is that about? Anyway, before they left, I talked them into opening the books for me, and they pretty much left me in charge while they were gone."

A moment of silence ticked by before Twilight was able to process everything that had been revealed to her. "So, hang on... you talked the Princesses out of their own jobs?"

Dash put a hoof to her chin. "Yeah, I guess I did, huh?"

Twilight could no longer hold her tongue. She had to tell Rainbow what had happened, what she had done. "Rainbow, there's something I have to tell—"

"Oh, before I forget, I made peace with the Changelings!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. How on earth had she been able to sate the insatiable appetite of the creatures that feasted exclusively on love? "You did?"

"Yeah, a simple trade agreement and it's all good!" She smiled. "Sorry for cutting you off, what was it you wanted to say?"

Twilight considered her options. After all, making peace with a longtime enemy was certainly an accomplishment, especially when trained diplomats had been unable to pull it off. "Uhm... it wasn't that important." Perhaps she could just slip it in her drink. Although the most effective method of ingestion was far less comfortable and far more... invasive.

Rainbow gasped, "Oh yeah! I almost forgot! So, you read the paper, right?" Dash asked, standing from the throne as the guards removed her regalia.

"Yes," Twilight answered cautiously.

"So you also know that the Griffons have been acting a bit boisterously lately, right? Pushing around their smaller neighbors, annexing traditional Zebracan lands and the like to name a few instances."

"Yeah, Princess Celestia has been working on some kind of deal, but they won't budge," Twilight recalled, having corresponded with her mentor during some of her more stressful periods.

"Right, well according to our spies inside the empire, it's because they're working on a secret weapon estimated to be greater than or equal to our magic. If they achieve something like that, then it could be a toss up as to whether or not the Princesses could keep them in check with their magic alone." Dash walked out of the throne room and down a short hallway. "So, I decided to do something for the Princesses while they were gone."

Twilight followed Dash up a spiral staircase and out to a small room with two guards and a doorway on the opposite end. "Okay, and what would that be?"

Rainbow smiled. "To conquer the Griffon Empire! Duh!"

Twilight's pupils shrank to pinholes. "What?!"

"I know! Brilliant right? I spent hours trying to think of the best way to achieve a lasting peace with them, and I kept coming back to a single solution: conquer them ourselves!"

"But... Rainbow, you'd need an army! We don't have anything but the Royal Guard! Where are you going to get one hundred thousand ponies?"

Dash looked toward the door at the far end of the room. At her nod, the guards opened it and she walked out onto the balcony, followed by Twilight. "I already took care of that," Rainbow said.

Before Twilight stretched multiple brigades all the way to the rear of the parade grounds, each holding the sun and moon banner as it snapped and fluttered in the breeze above them. Spears and short swords pointed jaggedly towards the sky as squadrons of pegasi zoomed overhead. They chanted their loyalty in unison to their new princess like thunder from a storm cloud.

"How is this even possible?"

"Remember that cloning pool Pinkie found near Ponyville? Turns out there's another, much larger one beneath the castle! So, I took our bravest, strongest earth pony, pegasus and unicorn warriors and cloned them exponentially until I had the army I needed! And since they're all clones, they all already know how to fight! With this much ponypower, none can withstand the might of Canterlot! We march on their capital tomorrow! Is that awesome or what?" Dash asked, waiting for a response from Twilight. "Twilight?" Dash turned to see Twilight passed out on the floor beside her.

"I knew she'd love it!"

Twilight woke up in a bed, two guards by her bedside. "Ugh... what happened?

"You lost consciousness, and Princess Dash ordered us to take you to a bedchamber."

"Princess Dash?" Twilight parroted. "Alright, this has gone on for long enough." Twilight fished a bullet shaped pill out of her saddlebag and tucked it behind her ear. "Where is she now?"

"I believe she is leading the Celestial Army to the Griffon capitol."

Twilight shot out of the window of the bedroom and headed west, sure that she could catch up to such a massive force.

After flying for an hour, she finally notices the snakelike form of the hundred thousand strong army as it wound its way toward the Griffon capitol in the distance. Right in the middle of the column sat an ornate chariot, where Rainbow Dash stood in her newly fitted crown and chest piece, smiling happily as though she was on a leisurely afternoon stroll.

Twilight landed beside her, breathless.

"Rainbow... you need... to take this... I accidentally..."

"Dosed me with an experimental drug without my consent?" Rainbow completed.

"How did you..."

"Know? C'mon, at first I didn't know how I got so smart, but then I realized it happened after drinking that tea at your house. I've had your tea before, and it never did anything like this to me, so it wasn't hard to connect the dots."

"Look, Dash, I'm sorry, but it was an accident, it fell into the teapot when Spike lost his balance." Twilight looked around, the massive army drawing dangerously close to being within range of the siege engines and starting a world war. "Rainbow, you have to take this antidote and turn this thing around! War is not the answer!"

"Pfft," Rainbow mocked. "Are you kidding? Of course it is. You know good and well that they would do the same to us in a heartbeat. You know that stodgy old Emperor is still mad about how Celestia kicked his grandfather's butt in the Griffon wars." Dash looked back at Twilight. "Now, I'm not taking that pill, and you aren't gonna force me to eat it, so go wait for me back at the palace. Celestia and Luna will both be super stoked when they hear I took out their chief rival."

"Rainbow, Princess Celestia has never advocated violence as a way to solve the country's problems and you know it!"

"Exactly! That's why we have half the problems we have! When you look at things logically, this is the clear solution!"

Twilight began to panic. She couldn't overpower Rainbow, not with such a massive army here to back her up, and she couldn't call them off herself, as they appeared to be loyal only to Dash. Twilight sighed. Quietly, she slowly slid the pill behind her ear down her neck and then her leg, sneaking it behind Rainbow Dash with her magic without her noticing.

"You're right, Rainbow, I can't get you to swallow this pill against your will... but I there's one thing you didn't consider."

Dash scoffed, raising an eyebrow and glancing towards Twilight. "Not likely. But I'll humor you. What?"

Twilight locked eyes with her out-of-control pal. "It's a suppository."

Rainbow's eyes widened as Twilight drove her point home with her magic.

"AHHHHH!" Rainbow fluttered above her chariot, both hooves holding her rear. "Twilight, what the hell?!"

Before Twilight could answer, she noticed the fire in Rainbow's eyes began to fade. Eventually she looked around, as though she'd just woken up from a dream. "What's going on?"

"You're about to invade the Griffon Empire," Twilight explained calmly.

"What?!"

"They'll turn around if you tell them to, and we can sort all this out later. How does that sound?" Twilight asked probingly, making sure the real Rainbow was back.

"Sounds good!"

In the knick of time, the army wheels back around, and those who had helped create the massive clone army began sending them back to whence they came, much as how Twilight had dealt with the Pinkie situation.

"Wow, I really went crazy there for a second didn't I?" Dash asked, after they'd returned to the castle.

"Yes, but that was partly my fault. But, you passed your Wonderbolts test with flying colors!"

Rainbow grinned from ear to ear. "Awesome! I knew I could do it!"

As Dash celebrated, a guard approached with a letter in his wing. "Your Highness, a letter from Scribe Spike had arrived for you from Ponyville."

Twilight thanked him and took the letter, opening it and surprised to find it of few words.

Mice returned for revenge.
Town taken over.
HELP!

Cordially yours,
Spike

"Got any more of that antidote?" Dash asked teasingly.

Twilight sighed. "Not nearly as much as I'm gonna need."