Chapters Applejack was sat on her bed, gazing forlornly out of her bedroom window. She’d been sat on her bed for days it seemed, wallowing in her self pity. Her chores were unfinished, the apple trees unbucked. Indeed she hadn't even left her room since 'it' had happened several days ago.
Applejack didn't care.
Her usually tidy room was a mess, the detritus of the past week scattered about. Her straw blonde mane, usually tied up in a ponytail was a mess, her hair unkempt. She herself was a mess, her orange coat matted from all her tears. The farm pony had been crying so much the last few days she didn't have any tears left, she just sat there heaving her shoulders, crying tears that wouldn't come.
Applejack didn't care.
Since 'it' had happened she relished the solace her self imposed confinement brought her. Not that it helped much. She couldn't bear the outside world. Ponyville and the Sweet Apple Acres would endure without her. As much as she felt she deserved them, Applejack couldn't bear the accusatory stares, the whispers behind her back. Worse than that though were the sympathetic looks, the condolences she knew she definitely didn't deserve.
So here she was, the tough old dependable farmer, huddled in her room like a scolded filly that's just been grounded for misbehaving. Alone with her thoughts.
Applejack didn't stir as she heard the creak of her door open behind her. Didn't bother turning to face whomever had just entered her room. She heard the hoofsteps stop, felt her bed move as whomever it was sat on her bed behind her.
“Applejack……” Twilight Sparkle put her hoof on her friends shoulder, the princess tried to find the words to comfort the farmer. No words would come to her though. There were no words. Her lavender eyes alone spoke of the strain of the last week.
“Howdy princess.” The hollowness of the greeting shocked Twilight.
"I– I just wanted you to know, Fluttershy is being released from the hospital this morning. She- she's fully healed.”
Applejack merely nodded her head in reply.
Twilight cleared her throat audibly, steadying herself before continuing, “The, er, the service is being held later this aft-”
“Ah ain't goin’.” It was so quietly spoken Twilight almost missed it.
“Applejack please, Fluttershy's been asking after you all week, wanting to know when you're coming to see her. She, we, want you there.”
"Ah said ah ain't goin’. Ah got no business bein’ there after what ah done.” Regret and sadness coloured each word, a despair that Twilight couldn't hope to breach.
“It wasn't your fault Applejack, it– it was an-”
“An accident, yeah, so everypony keeps tellin’ me.”
“Applejack, nopony blames you for what happened.”
Twilight’s words poured over Applejack, igniting her anger. Before she knew what was happening the earth pony had spun around, facing Twilight for the first time. The movement was so fast the Alicorn still had her foreleg raised as if it was still on Applejack’s shoulder. Her emerald green eyes were alive with fury, her muzzle pulled back in a feral snarl. She stomped a foreleg on her bed, bringing a crack from the timber.
“AH BLAME ME! IT’S MAH FAULT FLUTTERSHY’S SPENT TH’ WEEK IN HOSPITAL, AN’ IT’S MAH FAULT THOSE, THOSE FOAlS ARE, are, are……” Applejack couldn't bring herself to say the word, as if not saying it would make it not be true. Her rage had left her. She buried her face into her hooves, unable to look at Twilight any longer. Fresh tears cascaded from her eyes, soaking her fur and the mattress under her.
“Ah- ah’m sorry Twi, so sorry.”
Twilight couldn't make out any more intelligible words from her stricken friend, she had dissolved into a quivering sobbing heap on her bed. She knew it was fruitless to carry on, that it was time to go. Hesitantly she flapped her wings, leaving the bed and landing near the door. The princess cast a look over her shoulder at the crying farmer.
“Fluttershy loves you Applejack, we all love you. The service is at four this afternoon. Please be there, for her if nopony else.”
With that Twilight Sparkle left the bedroom, closing the door behind her and descended the stairs. She paused in the living room to shake her head sadly at Granny Smith, Big Mac and Apple Bloom. All three had their ears pinned back, all three shared the despondent look of their princess. Twilight excused herself and saw herself out without a backwards glance. Once clear of the homestead she took to the sky, flying back to her castle. She had many duties as a princess, and most of them she looked forward to. This afternoon however was not one of them. She hated funerals at the best of times, and this one would be hard on everypony, especially Fluttershy. She hoped against hope Applejack would find it in herself to attend.
Back in her old room at the homestead Applejack had finally succeeded in crying herself to sleep, although the dreams she had would prove anything but restful as she once again relived the events of seven days previous. The day IT happened.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Seven Days Ago.
Dawn crept over the landscape, golden sunlight chasing away the shadows of night as the morning took over. Ponyville always looked magnificent in the early morning light, and the Apple farm nearby was no exception. As the sun was raised higher in the sky more and more of the apple trees were revealed until they all basked in the sun’s light. A few of these errant sunbeams found their way unbidden into the bedroom of a sleeping couple, waking them gently from their slumber.
Applejack opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light while letting out a wide yawn. She really didn't want to get out of bed, seeing as she was snuggled tight up to her wife beside her. Fluttershy was snoring gently, her head resting on Applejack’s shoulder, her pastel pink mane just under the farmer’s chin. All four legs of the yellow pegasus were wrapped around Applejack, a feat she found impressive given Fluttershy's growing belly.
Eight years ago when they got married Fluttershy had mentioned she wanted foals. Applejack had been resistant to the idea of foals at first, she was happy the way they were, although she found as she had gotten older the idea of having little ones running about the place more and more appealing. Until this day last year had rolled around, and Applejack had surprised Fluttershy at breakfast. She could still see the excitement on Fluttershy's face when she'd told her she had wanted to try for foals. It was the best anniversary gift Applejack could have given her wife.
After much discussion with Applejack’s family Big Mac had hesitantly and with no small measure of embarrassment volunteered his sperm to impregnate Fluttershy, given her reluctance to use a random stallion for the job. Twilight had agreed to carry out the insemination, she had assured them that magically it would be easy, although the princess had insisted upon having a trained midwife present at all times, not that she doubted her ability, she just wanted everything to run smoothly. And it had. Everything had gone perfectly. Besides her wedding day that day four months ago when Fluttershy had announced she was pregnant had been the happiest of Applejack’s life. They were going to be mothers! True, she had practically raised Apple Bloom as if she were her own but she was still her little sister. Now she would be a proper mother.
Their joy at the impending motherhood had only increased after the first monthly scan at Twilight’s castle when the Alicorn had revealed to them they were having twins. An earth pony colt and pegasus filly. The midwife unicorn, Cerulean Swirl, had used her own magic to project an image of the growing foals on a screen for them to see, although there wasn't much at this point.
With the third month of pregnancy they were able to make out more details of the miniature ponies. The pegasus filly had a deep red almost crimson coat and the beginnings of a light pink mane. The earth pony colt had a yellow/orange coat similar to Scootaloo but more yellow, and his mane was going to be as dark a red as his sister’s coat. Names for them both had already been decided. Apple Kicker for the filly because by Celestia's horn could she kick! Applejack had had many a daydream about teaching that one the finer points of apple bucking when she was old enough. They had settled on Hush for the colt, as quite unlike his sister he seemed content to barely move, just giving the occasional stretch in the womb to let them know he was still there. It was almost like he knew he wasn't going to out kick his sister.
Life on the farm had gone pretty much as normal. Applejack and Big Mac had taken to harvesting the apples with a vengeance, determined to get ahead before the foals arrived. Even Rainbow Dash had helped considerably more than she usually did, this time by actually doing some work rather than napping on the nearest cloud. Mainly thanks to Dash blurring about the orchards placing the apples in storage and making the deliveries to customers they were almost a month in advance of where they would be normally. Rarity was in her element, constantly designing maternity dresses as Fluttershy got bigger and bigger. Pinkie was in a constant state of “nervousitement”, planning baby showers, birthing parties and at the last count the foals tenth birthday parties all in advance. Applejack couldn't fault her friends enthusiasm.
The fourth month had rolled around as uneventful as the others, they'd had the regular scan yesterday. Everything was progressing as it should, the foals were growing and developing normally, they were even slightly bigger than they should be. Applejack and Fluttershy had put this down to Apple Bloom and Granny Smith’s excellent care. They made sure Fluttershy wanted for nothing while Applejack was out working.
That bought Applejack to this morning. Laid in her bed with her pregnant wife snoring gently beside her, five months away from having her own foals running about the place.
"Life surely don't get much better than this,” she thought to herself with a huge smile as she gently kissed Fluttershy's forehead. A problem did present itself though, how best to disentangle herself from Fluttershy's legs without waking her up. The trees in the south field needed bucking if they were to stay ahead of schedule. A minute or two later the problem wasn't an issue anymore as Apple Kicker took it upon herself to unleash a particularly powerful kick at that moment, lurching Applejack to the right and separating the two ponies, shocking Fluttershy awake in the process.
“Ouch! Kicker! Buck that hurt!” Fluttershy gasped out, before quickly adding, “um, I mean, good morning to you, Apple Kicker.”
Fluttershy let out a giggle as Applejack leant in and kissed her belly, then gave her a nuzzle too. "Mornin' sugarcube, an’ happy ninth anniversary.”
Fluttershy let out a shocked “eeep” and pulled back from the nuzzling slightly, a rosy blush on her cheeks “AJ I'm sorry I totally forgot all about it! I - I'll, um go and get something for you later…” Her quiet voice trailed off midsentence as she noticed Apllejack laughing gently.
“Ain't a thing sugar, I got all the gifts I need right here.” She cooed softly as she ran a hoof tenderly over Fluttershy's swollen belly. Lowering her muzzle to Shy's belly she said with a grin, “y’all don't be so rough with your momma, ah’m talkin’ to you there, Kicker.” Planting a soft kiss there Applejack was rewarded with a little kick from her daughter.
Getting off the bed, Applejack retrieved her stetson from the dresser and hoofed it onto her head with practiced ease before turning her gaze back to Fluttershy who was still laid on her side. She'd experimented with different sleeping positions as she had gotten bigger, and this seemed the most comfortable, at least it was when Kicker was asleep.
Fluttershy caught her looking, and gave her wife a warm smile before wincing a little at the visible bump of another kick interrupted her. “I think she's going to be a morning pony like her momma.”
“She sure is, them trees ain’t gonna know what's bucked ‘em when she gets goin’, at least Hush gives you some peace.”
Fluttershy nodded as she ran a hoof over her belly then grunted as she attempted without success to roll onto her hooves to stand up. Applejack suppressed a giggle as she extended a foreleg, helping Shy get to upright. With surprising grace for a mare in her condition Fluttershy flapped her wings twice, leaving the bed and landing beside Applejack with a nuzzle and a kiss.
“You working the south field today Jackie?”
“Yup, all day sugarcube. Ah’m all yours as soon as ah’m done though. You sure you don’ mind me not havin’ the day off?”
“Well, I might mind if I don't get a kiss first.”
Applejack wrapped a foreleg around Fluttershy's neck, bringing her into a tight embrace as she tilted her head to one side, kissing her wife full on the lips. Fluttershy returned the gesture, placing her own leg on Applejack, running it through her mane as she ran her tongue across AJ’s lips, asking permission to enter. The farm pony granted it, parting her lips for Shy's tongue as she ran her own over and around it, eliciting a few pleasurable moans from her. A second or two later Applejack thrust forward with her tongue into Fluttershy's mouth, running it around the inside before briefly wrestling Shy’s tongue into submission. Finally the need to breathe forced them to break the kiss, their lips coming apart with a wet smacking noise.
“Oh my…”
Applejack smirked as she saw Fluttershy's deep blush and fully erect wings, standing at a 90 degree angle to her body. She was proud of the fact that after nine years married a simple kiss could get that reaction from Fluttershy.
“Y’all alright there darlin’?”
“I– er, I mean yes, yes I'm ok love,” Fluttershy managed to stammer out, getting her errant wings and breathing under control. “Don't work too hard, I'll need you awake later.” She added with a little wink that didn't go unnoticed.
“Yes ma’am.” And with that Applejack casually strolled down the stairs and out the door, ready to get the day's work underway.
Fluttershy waited a few moments to make sure Applejack was really gone before she carefully flew down the stairs to the kitchen. She had a picnic to prepare for Applejack’s midday break, Fluttershy wouldn't usually go to this much trouble, but it was their anniversary after all. She did feel a little guilty about lying to her wife back in the bedroom but she hoped the surprise picnic would make up for it. If not then she'd apologise in the bedroom later. She could be very apologetic when she needed to be.
The morning had whizzed past in a blur, Fluttershy didn't know where the time had gone. At last she had the picnic surprise ready. Daisy and dandelion sandwiches, salads made with apples, carrots and pumpkins, an apple pie that Apple Bloom had shown her how to make and there was two bottles of the weakest Sweet Apple cider to wash it down with. Fluttershy knew she shouldn't drink while pregnant but she had been advised by midwife Swirl that the odd bottle every now and again wouldn't hurt, as long as it wasn't the really hard stuff Granny Smith had locked up in the cellar.
A quick check of the clock in the kitchen garnered an “eeep” from Fluttershy, it was fast approaching five minutes to noon. She'd have to be quick if she wanted to catch Applejack’s midday break. Hurriedly she piled the food in her basket, took the handle in her mouth and proceeded to fly out the front door towards the southern field and her love.
“Consarn it!” Sweat poured off Applejack's coat, her fur was matted with the stuff and she was pretty sure she stank horrid. Apple bucking in summer was horrible. The sun was high up and the trees gave almost no shade. She particularly hated the trees in the south field. They were tough gnarly old brutes that didn't surrender their apples easily. Each one had to be bucked at least three times. This particular brute she was bucking now had so far resisted five of her kicks and Applejack was fast approaching the end of her rope with it, not least because she was a few minutes late taking her break. She stamped her hooves into the dirt in sheer frustration. Part of her told her to sit, have her break now. The stubborn part of her told her to carry on, one more buck would do it. The stubborn part won. Foregoing her usual caution of checking behind her, after all she knew she was aimed at the tree, and she was the only pony out here, Applejack wound up her powerful hind legs for one last almighty kick.
Fluttershy flew between the trees, wondering how best to find Applejack amongst the orchard when she heard a rather loud “Consarn it!” off to her left. Changing direction she flew towards the shout, it didn't sound very far away. She carefully rounded a tree and sure enough she saw Applejack about thirty feet away, her back towards her. If Fluttershy was any judge, she'd have to say Applejack's mood was sour. She looked hot, sweaty and very fed up. She was tempted for a second to change her mind and leave her wife to it. No, she was here now, might as well try and cheer her up. With that in mind Fluttershy flapped her wings once more, silently closing the gap between herself and Applejack. She briefly thought about calling out to the farmer to announce her presence, then remembered she had the basket in her mouth.
Instead Fluttershy flew quietly behind her wife, her intention to land on her back and drop the basket in front of her with her wings over Applejack's eyes.
That was a good plan.
What could go wrong?
Nothing at all.
Nothing.
Except that.
Fluttershy was two feet from Applejack's rear as the farm pony suddenly leaned forward on her front legs, pulled her hind legs to her belly and thrust them straight back with enough force to permanently scar the tree.
Applejack never hit the tree.
Her aim was off just slightly.
Fluttershy caught the full force of the kick square in her belly, the impact sent her backwards into the tree, snapping her head back into the rough bark, knocking her unconscious. Applejack heard the “oomph” behind her, and turned in time to see a lifeless Fluttershy slide down the trunk of the tree to the dirt, blood seeping into her pink mane and flowing down between her hind legs.
“Sweet Celestia, what have ah done?”
Applejack didn't know what to do, she struck her hooves on the ground in a panic. Finally, spurred to action by the amount of blood Fluttershy was losing, and where she was losing it from, Applejack lowered her head and flipped Fluttershy onto her muscular back and galloped as fast she should without dropping her precious cargo. She had one thought in mind, Twilight. Get to Twilight, she'll be able to fix this. Alicorn magic, never failed us before. Twilight will know what to do. Applejack ran for what felt like hours, until she neared the base of Twilight’s castle. She pounded on the door with her foreleg, so hard it dented it, all the while screaming Twilight’s name.
A purple sphere of magic popped beside her, as Twilight Sparkle teleported beside Applejack, about to ask what the ruckus was about. The exhausted farmer cut her off before she had chance to ask.
“Fluttershy…accident…bucked her…needs hospital…Twi, help…please..” Applejack managed to stammer it all out before collapsing to the ground, her fatigue catching up with her.
"Meet me at the hospital.” Was all Twilight said as she ignited her horn, concentrated and then she and Fluttershy were both gone.
Applejack rested on the ground outside the castle, allowing herself to catch her breath and get her strength back. Despite a desire to gallop straight to the hospital, thunder in and demand answers she knew this would be pointless. She'd just be in the way right now, and she knew Fluttershy was in safe hooves with Twi and the doctors. Best to calm herself down, give them a little time to work and then make her way over there.
A glance up at the clock tower in the town square told Applejack thirty minutes had passed. She couldn't wait any longer. She forced herself to her hooves and made her way slowly to the hospital. She didn't care that she was filthy and dirty, didn't care her flanks were covered in blood that wasn't hers, all she cared about was Fluttershy and her foals. Applejack silently prayed to Celestia, Luna and anyone else who might be listening for them all to be alright. Deep in her heart she knew her prayers were in vain, she had seen where her wife had been bleeding from, and knew what that meant.
Still, Applejack held onto her slim hope as she pushed open the hospital doors and made her way through to the reception area. She held onto that hope right up to the moment she saw Twilight. The Alicorn princess was sat in the hospital reception thoroughly disheveled, openly weeping into her hooves, ignoring everypony around her. Applejack made her way unsteadily over to her friend, not wanting to ask the question on her lips.
“Fluttershy, is she, is mah wife alright?”
Twilight raised her head from her hooves, tear streaked eyes meeting Applejack's.
"She's in intensive care, they're operating on her now. From what they've told me, and it's not much, she's got five broken ribs, a punctured lung and a bad gash on the back of her head. They're stabilising the internal bleeding and they're confident she'll make a full recovery in about a week or so…”
Applejack let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding. Fluttershy was going to be alright, Twi had said she'll make a full recovery. Applejack began to smile, a smile that faltered when Twilight spoke next.
"Applejack, I – I’m sorry, the – the, your foals, they didn't survive. She miscarried in the operating theatre few minutes after I bought her here. There was nothing they could do.”
Applejack stumbled backwards, falling to the floor in a heap. Her brain refused to believe what her ears had heard.
“No, it – it ain't true, it can't be.”
“I'm sorry Applejack.”
“No…” But she knew it was true. She knew it before she had picked Fluttershy up, when she saw her bleeding. She couldn't understand why her heart was beating, why the world was turning, why everypony around her was carrying on as though nothing had happened when her whole world had been ripped from under her hooves. It was a cruel joke, surely? That she was crumpled here on the floor of a hospital still sucking air into her lungs when her babies lay dead?
It hit her then. Her babies, her foals. They were dead. They were dead and it was her fault. Had she only looked behind her before she bucked that damned tree, she would have seen Fluttershy, they would've enjoyed the afternoon and her foals would still be alive. How could she have been so careless?
“It's mah fault Twi.”
“W – what?” Twilight looked up from her hooves, not believing what she had heard.
“It's all mah fault.”
“How's that?”
Hesitantly Applejack told Twilight what had happened, about working the south field, getting frustrated with the tree, about Fluttershy flying behind her, how Applejack hadn't noticed her coming, and how in a fit of temper she had let loose the awesome buck that had caught Fluttershy and sent her into the tree. Twilight listened to it all, not saying a word until Applejack had finished. Getting from the chair the princess sat on the floor in front of the distraught farmer, and placed a hoof on her friends shaking shoulder.
“Applejack,” she said softly through her own tears, “it was an accident, nothing more.”
Applejack's reply was cut short as the doors to the operating theatre burst open, the doctors made their way over to where she and Twilight were sitting.
“Your highness, the surgery was a success, we've stabilised the patient. She'll make a full recovery in a few days. She's still out from the anaesthetic but if you wish you can see her for a few moments before we move her to a ward.”
“Thank you. Come on Applejack, let's go and see them.”
She extended a hoof to the unmoving earth pony, shaking her gently.
“Come on, she's going to need you.”
Twilight extended a wing over Applejack and the walked side by side into the operating room, fresh tears stung Applejack's eyes as she saw Fluttershy sleeping on the bed, covered to her neck with a white sheet. She ran a hoof through her pink mane before softly kissing her wife's forehead.
“Ah'm sorry Shy, ah never meant to hurt you…”
Her voice trailed off to silence as Applejack's tears eyes rested on two small white rectangular boxes on the table next to the bed. Twilight saw where Applejack was looking and nudged the farmer with her hoof.
“Go on, go and see them.”
“Ah can't Twi…”
"Applejack, go and meet them, while you have the chance.”
Slowly she made her way around the bed to the white boxes, her hooves made barely a sound against the floor, as if she was scared of waking them up. Applejack saw her two foals, her little babies, laid in the padded boxes. They had been wrapped in tiny white sheets, just their heads were showing. Carefully, not wanting to disturb them, Applejack placed a tender kiss on both of their foreheads before nuzzling their cheeks. They were so soft, so small…so, beautiful. They looked for all the world to be sleeping.
Applejack opened her mouth but no words came, her grief threatened to overwhelm her, she owed them this much though, as small as the gesture might be. Choking back her tears she swallowed her grief enough to say a few words.
“M– momma’s s – sorry, a - ah'm so sorry…Twi, ah can't do this, ah can't be here. Ah need to go…to be anywhere else…ah'm sorry…”
Applejack turned and ran, leaving Twilight with Fluttershy and her foals. She ran, not caring who she ran into, not caring where she was going. She ran and ran until she thought her heart would burst, trying to out run grief itself. She didn't realise she had ran back to the farm, back up the stairs to her room. Slamming her door she threw herself on the bed and vented her grief and sorrow into her pillow. The fact that it smelt of Fluttershy only made it worse.
Together Forever
Applejack opened her eyes with a groan, wondering for a very brief moment where she was. She hadn't meant to fall asleep. She hated the dreams more than she hated being awake. The dream was always the same, reliving that day over and over again. The day she had killed her babies. It felt like Luna was punishing her.
With a grunt and a yawn the farmer rolled up and off her bed, trying to find her clock.
6.25 pm
Applejack had slept all day. She remembered Twilight had been to see her earlier, and had asked her to attend the service for their foals.
“What time had Twi said it was at?” Applejack tried to remember through the sleepy fog of her brain, it was however uncooperative in assisting her as she retrieved her hat. Hoofing her stetson to her head it suddenly came to her. Four! Twi had said the funeral was at four! Another glance at her clock confirmed it was 6.27 pm. Despite her earlier refusal to Twilight, Applejack had intended to go.
Now she had missed her chance. If it was possible to feel worse than she did already, Applejack managed it. She felt hollow, a void in her heart where Fluttershy and her foals should be. Remorse and regret fought for dominance within her, mixed with a deep shame she felt for abandoning her wife at a time like this.
Her wife. Applejack let out a snort of mirthless laughter at the thought. “What must she think of me?” She asked out loud to her empty room.
“Go and say goodbye young’un.”
Applejack hadn't noticed Granny Smith stood at her door until she spoke, snapping the farmer out of her reverie. Applejack cast her green eyes to the floor, scraping it nervously with a hoof.
“Granny, ah don’ know, ah…”
“Young,un, y’all been holed up her fer days. Wallowin’ won't bring ‘em back Applejack. Now, you go and you talk to them foals. Get it all out.”
Applejack slumped her shoulders in defeat, she knew better than to argue with her grandmother. She gave a small tearful nod as she walked past the aged mare. Granny Smith stopped her with a gentle nuzzle on her way out.
“Take as long as you need young’un, we’ll all be here when you get back.”
Applejack returned the nuzzle with a small forced smile that didn't reach her eyes. “Thanks Granny, ah’ll – ah’ll be back soon.”
The sky was starting to darken as Applejack left the homestead, the dull slate grey clouds reflecting her somber mood. The earth pony wasn't aware the Pegasi weather team had scheduled rain fall later that evening. She kept her head down, snout almost to the floor as she began her slow walk to the cemetery. Her heart felt like a leaden weight in her chest, every step felt like a marathon. Eventually after what felt like hours Applejack found herself at the gates to the cemetery.
Applejack raised a hoof to the ornate iron gate and pushed against it gently, feeling it give under her as it swung open. Luna's moon had risen by now, casting a pale white glow over the graves and their tombstones. Applejack walked carefully amongst them, not really knowing where to start looking for those she was here to see.
“Really is beautiful here at night,” she thought to herself as she walked, reflecting on how the moonlight shone from the marble and granite tombstones, silent sentinels guarding their graves like a watchful army. Applejack nodded to each grave she passed, paying her respects even if she hadn't heard of the pony in question, these were after all someponies loved ones.
After twenty minutes of searching though Applejack stomped a hoof in mild frustration. She couldn't help but feel foolish. What had she expected? Still she was determined to find her foals. They were laid here somewhere, it was just a matter of time before she found them.
She felt the first raindrops on her orange coat, heard them thud gently on her hat and roll down her straw blonde mane. The rain didn't deter her from her search though, diligently she kept looking. Applejack crested a little hill, and paused to look around her before deciding upon a direction to take. She was about to head left when Applejack thought she saw a splodge of colour move to her right, down at the bottom of the hill. The rainfall obscured her vision somewhat, but peering through it Applejack was sure there was somepony down there.
A yellow somepony.
Fluttershy! The realisation hit Applejack like a lightning bolt.
Almost at a gallop she quickly made her way down the hill towards her wife, not caring about the mud or the rain, her sole focus was the sun yellow pegasus in front of her, getting bigger the nearer she got. A few feet away Applejack slowed to a walk, panting heavily, as much to announce her presence as from the exertion of the brief run.
Fluttershy heard the heavy breathing behind her, and turned to face whoever it was. A very small smile played across her face at the sight of Applejack stood behind her.
“You came.”
It wasn't a greeting, Applejack noticed, merely a statement. She inclined her head slightly, tentatively returning Fluttershy’s smile. It faltered as Fluttershy turned her back on Applejack without another word and settled back down at the grave in front of her.
Applejack hesitantly took a step forward, expecting Fluttershy to tell her to stay away. When it didn't come she took another step then another, until she was at her wife's side. Bending her legs she sat herself on the ground next to Fluttershy, her head bowed towards the grave in front of her, not wanting to look at it just yet. They sat in silence for a few moments, the rain gently pattering off their coats, neither pony knowing what to say to the other.
Eventually Fluttershy looked across at Applejack, her blue eyes finding the green of the farmer.
“Why?”
“Why what, sugarcube?”
“Why didn't you come to see me? Why weren't you at the service today, why wait till now?
There was no anger in her voice, which was as softly spoken as ever. Applejack couldn't help but hang her head further in shame.
“Ah dunno, ah was scared ah guess, ashamed o’ what ah’d done, ah just couldn't face you in that hospital knowin’ ah was the one who put you there.”
“I see. Do you think it was easy for me then?”
“Fluttershy ah didn’ mean it like tha…”
Fluttershy didn't wait for Applejack to finish, she cut her off with a look before continuing. “I woke up in the intensive care ward and you weren't there. The doctors told me about the miscarriage, and you weren't there. I cried to see you every day, but you didn't come. Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow and Twilight came every day. You were the only one I wanted, but you didn't come.”
Fluttershy never raised her voice, not once. Applejack would have preferred it if she had. Anything would have been better than the sheer disappointment that laced her voice as she spoke.
“Ah’m sorry ah let you down. I should’a been there by your side all along, ‘stead o’ wallowin’ at home like a scolded filly. You deserve better than that, better than me…”
Applejack stopped speaking as Fluttershy extended a yellow wing over her back and pulled her into a close hug while resting a foreleg over Applejacks own.
“Wha..?”
“Jackie, don't ever tell me I don't deserve you. You're a wonderful pony, you're my wife and I love you, always. Don't ever forget that.” Fluttershy laid her head against Applejacks, nestling in her warm fur.
“You– you love me, still? After what ah did?”
Fluttershy still had her head pressed against Applejack, still embraced in the cuddle. Sometime before the rain had stopped. Neither of them had noticed. Ever so softly, Fluttershy whispered, “what did you do?”
“Ah– ah killed our babies! Ah put you in the hospital and ran away! Ah didn't want to admit it, like if I didn't talk about it then it wouldn't be true.” Applejack heaved her shoulders, a cascade of tears flowing down her cheeks into Fluttershy's pink mane.
“Jackie, listen to me please, it was an accident. There was nothing anypony could've done. It was just that, an accident. And yes, I love you. I've always loved you, and I always will love you, understand?”
Applejack sniffled, bringing her tears under control. “Ah love you too sugar.”
Fluttershy ran her hoof down her wife's leg a couple of times while nuzzling her cheek softly. “Tell me about our foals.”
Applejack took a deep breath, steadying herself before she spoke. “Ah saw em, in the operatin’ room after the doctors were done. They let me an Twi in to see you, you were out from the gas though. Ah saw our babies in them boxes, an’ they were perfect, just perfect. They could’a been sleepin’, ah was hopin’ they were just sleepin’ but they were too still. Ah nuzzled ‘em, that one time. Ah said ah was sorry. They would’a been such fine ponies, kinder than you, more honest than me. Everypony would’a loved ‘em.”
Applejack couldn’t say anymore, she could feel the hot sting of fresh tears and wanted desperately to blink them away. She didn't want to cry again. Fluttershy lifted her head to her wife's face and brushed her lips over Applejacks closed eyes, kissing away her tears.
“Come on, love. Let's go home.” Slowly the yellow pegasus got to her hooves, and nudged Applejack to do the same, before noticing the farmer wasn't moving. “What's wrong Jackie?”
“Will they, y’know, be alright?”
“Sure they will,” Fluttershy smiled, “they have whole of heaven to play in, they'll be together forever, just like you and me.”
Push!
“AAaaaaaAAAGGGHhhhhh!”
“You're doing great Fluttershy, now, steady breathing. In, out, just like we practised.” The midwife, Cerulean Swirl, was infuriatingly calm.
"H - how is it going now?" Fluttershy managed to gasp out as the pain of the contraction faded away.
“You are seven centimetres dilated, doing brilliantly.”
“Seven? Still? I was seven four hours ago!” Sweat poured down her forehead, soaking her pink mane.
Applejack was sat beside her wife, holding her hoof in her own, as she had been since the labour had begun eleven hours before. “Y’all doin’ great sugarcube, just brea…”
Fluttershy shot her a vicious glare, “you tell me to ‘breathe’ one more time and I'll eat your face!”
Any further comment was silenced as her eyes went wide, another contraction was coming. They were only a few minutes apart now, the pain from one rolling into another, each one more intense than the one before it. Fluttershy panted as she was shown, performing the exercise that supposedly lessened the pain by breathing through it.
“Huh, huh, huh,” she clamped her hoof down on Applejack, causing the farmer to wince as the contraction peaked. “Hu, ho, HO HOLY CELESTIAAAAAAAAAGGGH!”
Fluttershy slumped back into the bed, she was exhausted, she wanted to sleep. Most of all she wanted this torture to be over. She had been warned about the pain of childbirth but had never in her wildest dreams thought it'd be as bad as this. Eleven bucking hours and she wasn't even fully dilated yet.
"You're doin’ great hon, ah’m mighty proud o’ you.” Applejack felt brave enough to attempt a warm smile in an effort to calm the distressed pegasus.
“I. Hate. You.” Fluttershy punctuated each word with a deep breath, bracing herself for the next contraction.
Applejack had been warned to expect this by the midwife, had been told this was entirely normal behaviour. It still felt very strange to hear Fluttershy of all ponies cursing her like this. Hitching up her widest of smiles she did her best to ignore it and concentrated on helping her wife as much as she could. A tensing of Fluttershy’s hoof was her only warning, and she braced her own just in time.
“AAAAAaaaaaaggGGGgghhHHH!” Fluttershy threw her head back and screamed, feeling the muscles around her cervix straining to push. She lashed out with her free hoof, seizing the midwife by her collar and dragging her face an inch from her own. “Get these things out of me NOW!”
Entirely unruffled Cerulean Swirl simply smiled and straightened her uniform before levitating over a glass of water for Fluttershy to drink, replacing the fluids lost through sweat. “Now, now,” she cooed as if chiding a naughty filly, “you get yourself to ten centimetres, and it'll be over before you know it.”
Applejack secretly hoped it'd be over soon too, her hooves were getting sore and she was sure there'd be bruises tomorrow. She was determined to be by Fluttershy's side though, she owed her that much if nothing else. She was going through this torment for them, after all. A small but welcome pressure on her bladder gave the farmer an excuse to get some air, for which she was grateful.
“Uh, nurse Swirl, am ah ok to nip t’ the bathroom?”
“Oh of course,” Cerulean nodded with an ever present smile, “we’ll be here for hours yet!” She added with too much glee.
Applejack removed her hooves from Fluttershy as gently and as quickly as she could, she could feel another contraction coming. “Ah’ll not be long sugar.”
Fluttershy barely nodded, her eyes widening as another wave of pain washed over her. “Hurry…back…” She clenched her eyes shut and screamed once more, “ApplejaAAAAGGHH!”
Applejack scurried out of the delivery room, happy on behalf of her sore hooves that she'd missed that one.
The bathroom on the maternity ward wasn't very far away, barely a minutes walk. If Applejack was honest with herself, and she tried to be, she really didn't need to go relieve herself she just needed some space. Fresh air. That's what she needed right now. Walking past the bathroom and down a little corridor she found the little blue fire door that lead to the rear of the hospital. Rearing to her hind legs she pushed the lever with her fore hooves to open the door, then sat on her haunches in the doorway so it wouldn't close behind her.
Breathing deeply through her nose Applejack steadied herself, it was getting intense back in the delivery room, so she took a few moments to collect her thoughts. She allowed her mind to wander over the past three years as she did so, recollecting how she and Fluttershy had made it this far.
In spite of herself she smiled at the memory.
It was last year, the night of their eleventh wedding anniversary, two years after the accident which had claimed Hush and Apple Kicker, when Fluttershy had sprung it on her. Totally out of the blue and with no warning whatsoever.
They had just had sex, and in her post orgasmic high Fluttershy was letting Applejack indulge her little fetish, namely tonguing her hooves. While Fluttershy couldn't claim to like it as much as her wife did, she had to admit it did feel nice when Applejack held her hind legs in her hooves and nibbled away gently on her hooves.
It was at this precise moment, just as Applejack had the whole of her left hind hoof in her mouth, sucking and running her tongue over the soft frog that Fluttershy dropped her bomb.
“Jackie?”
“Uh huh?” Applejack had just removed the left hoof and was starting on the right one, her deft tongue sliding over Fluttershy's ankle, nibbling at the hard outer part as she went along.
“I – I want to try again, to have foals.”
"Hmmmm." Applejack wasn't really listening, she was lost in her own little Equestria, one that included Fluttershy's butter yellow hooves, her tongue and little else. Her treacherous brain caught up with the farmer just as she took her wife's right hoof into her muzzle and was about to suckle it as the realisation of what Fluttershy had said hit her.
Applejack looked up from what she was doing, her green eyes met Fluttershy's blue ones and she froze for a moment, warm saliva slowly dribbling down the fur of the leg still held in her mouth.
“Y’all want what now, sugar?” Part of Applejack was hoping she had misheard, another part was hoping the opposite. She really wasn't sure which she wanted to win.
Fluttershy removed her leg from Applejack’s mouth, and tucked it under herself as she rolled forward to sit on her haunches. Doing so closed the gap between the mares to less than two feet, and looking square into those emerald green eyes Fluttershy repeated what she'd said.
“I want us to have foals. If you want to, we should try again.”
Applejack nervously ran a hoof through her straw blonde mane. She didn't know what to say, she cast her eyes about their bedroom, wanting to look at something, anything other than the expectant face in front of her. Eventually her gaze found the large framed photographs on the bedroom wall. One was of her and Fluttershy on their wedding day, the one next to it was of Hush and Apple Kicker. Twilight had levitated them both together and taken the photograph to give them something physical to remind them of their babies. Twilight had presented it to them the day after the foals funeral service. Neither of them had known Twi had taken it, she had conjured a camera while Fluttershy had been out from the surgery. Whenever she was at a loss over a course of action to take Applejack found herself staring at the photo, they always seemed to give her good advice.
So it was now, with Fluttershy sat beside her awaiting her answer did she find herself yet again in silent communion with her foals, almost asking their permission to try again.
Fluttershy noticed where Applejack was looking, and gave a tender smile as she extended a wing over her wife's shoulder, pulling her into a feathery cuddle.
“Get any good advice?”
Applejack blushed at the absurdity of it, her orange cheeks glowing a faint crimson. She knew Fluttershy wasn't mocking her, she had caught the pegasus consulting the photo on more than one occasion herself. Applejack nodded, not taking her eyes away from the treasured photograph.
“Yeah, ah reckon ah did.” Applejack leant into the cuddle, kissing Fluttershy's cheek so gently she barely disturbed the yellow fur. “You really want this, huh?”
"I do, more than anything.”
“Well then let's do it.”
Fluttershy pulled her wing back from Applejack, and turned to look her full in the face, “you – you mean it?”
“Sure ah mean it, ah reckon them young’uns gave us their blessin’. Ah don’ see why they can’ have a little brother or sister.”
They had gone to see Twilight about it the next day, after talking it over with Applejacks family first. They were overjoyed at the news they were going to try again for foals. Twilight again carried out the insemination, although she blushed a deeper shade of red than Mac’s coat when she revealed she still had the rest of his sperm in storage, ‘for research purposes’ was the only explanation they could get out of the flustered Alicorn.
Applejack smiled a huge smile as her memories caught up with her. That had been just under ten months ago, and despite her reservations and misgivings everything had gone beautifully during the pregnancy, and here they were, about to have two Pegasi fillies. Applejack had been a little disappointed at first one of them wasn't an earth pony but that had been quickly pushed aside by her joy that they were blessed once more with foals.
Names had been decided upon within the first month, Cloud Blossom and Apple Honey. From the scans they had seen, Cloud Blossom had a pale green coat and a mane so blonde it was almost white, whereas Apple Honey’s coat was a deep burnt yellow, with a pink mane just like Fluttershy's.
The only complication they had had was with Cloud Blossom. In the second month the scan had revealed the umbilical cord had wrapped itself tight around her left hind leg, stunting its growth to the point of atrophy. Both Dr. Stable and their midwife Cerulean Swirl had been reluctant to move it, for fear of their magic harming the growing foals. Applejack and Fluttershy had certainly been unwilling to risk it. Other than her leg, both fillies were healthy and they had been assured it wouldn't affect Blossom’s future growth any, except that flying would be harder for her due to the difficulty of landing on three legs as opposed to four. Like Fluttershy had said at the time, they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.
Applejack shook herself out of her reverie, she really should get back to the delivery room. She'd only been gone ten minutes, the fur on the back of her neck was tingling as if something was wrong. Getting to her hooves she let the fire door close behind her as she made her way back to Fluttershy and her babies. Tapping a hoof on the door she cautiously pushed it open, wondering why Dr. Stable was there.
“Ah miss anythin’?”
"Where…the…hay…have…you…been?” Fluttershy gasped out, fighting back tears between her shallow breaths.
“What's wrong Doc?”
“Nothing too serious, I assure you. One of the foals, Apple Honey I believe, has her head pressed against the opening of the cervix and birth canal. Seeing as mom here is only eight centimetres dilated there isn't room to push her through. Midwife Swirl and myself were just about to perform the emergency section to get the foals out before any damage is caused to them or your partner.”
He made it sound easy, like it was a routine thing they did all the time. How could he be so calm?
“They'll be ok though, righ’?” A little pregnant ball of unease had settled in the pit of Applejack’s stomach, where it was busy giving birth itself to anxiety, panic and doubt. Applejack was about to voice her concerns when she felt a soft yellow hoof connect with her own, and looked up to see a sweat soaked Fluttershy look back at her with a pained smile.
“Hey, it – it’ll…be…fine, everything will…be…alright.”
“Ah thought ah was the one who was supposed to be comfortin’ you sugarcube?”
Cerulean Swirl had levitated an opaque screen onto Fluttershy's chest, blocking her view of her swollen belly.
“You don't need to see this honey, it can get a bit messy down there.” The cheery midwife offered in explanation.
Applejack felt the grip on her hoof increase as Dr. Stable ignited his horn.
“No need to panic, I'm just going to fire some pain killing magic to your spine. This will numb your lower body, then we can begin.”
Fluttershy felt like she was melting through the hospital bed as the doctors magic took effect, the relaxing effects numbing all the pain she had lived through in the past eleven hours. This was better than any spa break with Rarity.
Dr. Stable ran his hoof over Fluttershy's distended abdomen, prodding gently but firmly at her belly, his action hidden by the screen over Fluttershy's chest.
“Can you feel that, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy shook her head, realising she was entirely numb from the chest down.
"Very well. Then we'll get started.”
The doctor lit his horn once more, levitating a shiny razor sharp scalpel in his magical aura. With an incredible amount of skill that Applejack didn't believe existed he carefully pressed the blade against the yellow fur and in one fluid motion drew it across her wife's belly, cleanly slicing through the layer of fur and skin underneath. With the practised ease of a well oiled machine Cerulean Swirl then levitated two hinged instruments into either end of the cut, and spread them apart so they held open the freshly made inscision. While the midwife was doing this the doctor had gotten a clean blade, and was proceeding to cut through the uncovered muscle into Fluttershy's womb.
As she watched this delicate operation take place in front of her Applejack was sincerely pleased Fluttershy couldn't see what they were doing. It really was like a scene from a cheesy horror movie.
Placing the used scalpel on the tray beside the bed, Dr. Stable lit his horn for a third time, this time his magical field appeared inside Fluttershy, it seemed to be feeling around before settling on something Applejack couldn't see. With a barely discernible shift in his concentration the doctor brought his field towards him, bringing with it a very red very sticky bundle of fur and feathers. Cerulean took the messy bundle in her own field and moved it with her towards the nearby sink where she gave it a gentle wash and swaddled the feathery ball in a small white blanket. The midwife picked up the swaddled foal in her field once more and was about to hand the tiny filly to Applejack, who immediately dropped her forelegs and nodded non too surreptitiously towards a grinning Fluttershy. Catching on Cerulean switched her destination and deposited the filly in Fluttershy's waiting hooves as Dr. Stable repeated his procedure, bringing forth the second foal for the midwife to clean while he magically closed up the wound from the operation.
Within a very short space of time Cerulean Swirl nudged Applejack’s shoulder gently before offering her the second swaddled filly to hold. This time she accepted without hesitation. Fluttershy held Apple Honey, she held Cloud Blossom. The two new mothers both held their sleeping fillies, watching their tiny chests rise and fall against the blankets. Neither knew for sure what future awaited their little girls, but they were both sure they were going to make it a good one.
Applejack carefully lifted Cloud Blossom in her hooves and handed her to Fluttershy, who cradled her in her other foreleg.
“What d’you think ‘mommy’?”
Fluttershy gently rubbed her lips over each tiny forehead before looking over at Applejack through exhausted tired eyes.
"They’re perfect, absolutely perfect.” Was all she was able to breathe out before her fatigue overtook her and the yellow pegasus promptly fell asleep, her babies in her arms.
Applejack simply scooted her chair closer to the bed, and laid her head on Fluttershy's now empty belly, watching her new family asleep before her.
"Ah reckon they are that, sugarcube, they are that."
