Silver Under Midnight

by ashes_fall

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Romance, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 8975

Shenanigans ensue when Jackson travels to Canterlot to meet with Princess Luna and get away from Ponyville

Jackson is alone again.
Almost a year and a half of being with Colgate has come to a bitter end.

Seeking solace & peace of mind, he contacts Princess Luna and travels to Canterlot on a holiday.

Things happen.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-12 10:38:50 UTC

Prologue

Prologue

The night was cold and fierce; the wind sharp, howling and unforgiving. I laid nestled in my little house, curled up next to the fire gently burning, its bright red glow filling the den of my house. I exhaled and smiled as my eyes closed, resting my head back. Summer was in full swing in Equestria, meaning weather demanded change, and dramatic it was. Thunderstorms raged every three nights or so, sending everypony inside to avoid the horrible weather.

The wind howled for a split second outside as lights cast their dancing, flickering glow around Luna's beautiful night. I tightened my robe around my body, embracing myself as the fire snapped with the dying embers, casting a ghostly red glow on the walls, various shadows dancing to and fro.

I sat up and stretched, glancing at the clock as I rose to my feet, wrapping my robe even tighter around me. I silently padded through the house that I had come to call my own; the faint of tonight's dinner wafting through the air. Looking outside, summer's cool night was abundant with life: couples and kids walking, trotting and sprinting every direction happily enjoying their lives. I smiled, and thought of the mare that slept with me nightly. When I first came to Equestria, I didn't think much of ''love'' aspect of life. To me, it was an option, not a necessity. However, a few years later I can say that I take what I said back. Since I let Colgate into my life, I have never felt happier or more content. I had completely forgotten about my Earth life that I had before I came to this new world.

That happiness had come and gone weeks ago.

A couple months ago, Colgate and I began to fight a lot, for reasons that still escape me to this day. She would come home from work moody as all hell one day, cursing and shouting to no end, saying things that frankly made me tear up; and other days she would be as snuggly and happy as any mare could be. We would have more fights then peaceful times as a couple; and I really didn't see an end to it. The day she left was the day I thought I was going to die, and ever since that day I have had a subtle but noticeable pain in my chest. Hanging around the Ponyville bar probably wasn't my best decision either. Twilight and her friends started to become increasingly worried about me, and they thought I needed to get away from Ponyville for a while.

Why did she have to leave?

The clock read 6:27AM; what I was doing up at this hour I have no idea; I paced the floor, my socks gently padding against the hardwood floor, my arms crossed behind my back. Finally, a knock at my front broke the heavy silence that surrounded and enveloped the house. A simple, white envelope slipped under the door, bearing a single seal.

Picking up the letter, I smiled. She had finally answered.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

I strode towards the train station with the wind at my back. Behind me, Ponyville was grey and baron. It was unusual for their to be heavy fog this time of year, especially in summer. Handing the conductor my ticket, he waved me onto the train, returning to his post without a word. The train was comfortable enough, and after stashing my bags I took a look around, strolling from car to car as the train horn sounded its departure. Ponies were talking amongst themselves, gossiping about random topics and such: mingling amongst themselves. I took my seat at the end of the coach car, and turned my gaze out of the foggy window as the train slowly started to move out of the station, leaving Ponyville far behind. Turning my attention towards the rails in front of me, the trees to my side rushing by as my mind slowly became vacant of thought.

As I started to fall asleep, Canterlot became visible on the distant horizon, roughly a day's journey away. Even though that it was early in the morning, I felt at peace finally getting out of the little town I had learned to call my home. I guess one could say that change is always a good thing. I chuckled to myself as I let the cheesy musings flow out of my head.

My mind turned to Princess Luna and the adventures we were sure to get into once I arrived in Canterlot. She and I had become good friends on a personal level several months ago. Everytime we would get together, shenanigans always happen. I smiled as I remembered times when Luna and I would get into ''trouble'' by Celestia, giggling like schoolyard fillies.

Luna is really an interesting pony once you get to know her one on one: not princess to subject. We exchanged letters almost every week besides her in person visits to Ponyville.

Memories aside, I laid back in my seat and put my feet up, getting ready for the long journey ahead: while I was still hurting from Colgate leaving me, I haven't heard anything about her since she left. I guess you could say that she disappeared. Nopony really knows where she went. And I can't really blame her: her emotions were all over the place.

My eyes grew heavy as the warm summer sun chased away the heavy fog that blanketed the countryside, like the Elements of Harmony chasing away the evils that threatened Equestria, so many years ago.

I finally gave into the darkness that welcomed me into slumber, my body growing heavy, warm and dormant. Thoughts of Colgate still plagued my sub-conscious, pain quietly shooting through my heart as I longed to see her once more, however I had to face the facts that she was gone and she wasn't coming back. The train's horn sounded as we entered a tunnel, sleep finally claiming me and taking me away from all my worries.

II: Haunting Recollections

II: Haunting Recollections

I stirred out of sleep as the train's wheels screeched along the iron tracks, jittering and gently jostling me around in my seat. I fidgeted to get comfortable again, tugging my sweatshirt closer to my body: eventually turning my head towards the window, watching the terrain & countryside whizz by at an impressive speed. I allowed my mind to wander, curious as to what awaited me in this two week holiday in Canterlot. Admittedly, two weeks might seem like a bit much for a holiday, I had to say that it's well needed.

Glancing around the train, I saw some familiar faces: a grey mare with a musical note for a cutie mark; I think her name is Octavia or something. A stallion and mare sitting together laughed at each other's jokes, while a strange looking pony across from me lay curled up, body tucked up in a cute little hoodie.

She was an odd looking pony, her wings looked leathery and not like pegasi's. A slender ash grey body complimented her pitch black mane and tail which, from my time in Equestria, wasn't all that common. I was caught off guard when she yawned, exposing her rather white teeth,  complimented by a rather large pair of fangs. Curious, I looked her over for a bit longer as she squirmed to get comfortable, tucking her long tail around her body. This mare was definitely interesting, and I had to say my curiosity was starting to get the better of me, I recomposed myself against the wall of my seat, trying to get comfortable myself. My mind wandered off again, suddenly remembering that I had brought my guitar with me, along with some other effects and enough clothes to last me a month.

I tend to overpack a lot, I mused silently to myself, laying my head back and smiling. I wondered what awaits me in Canterlot for the next two weeks. Princess Luna has told me that there are many things to do and see, as cliché as it sounds. I was curious to see what Canterlot was like on a typical day, and not a special occasion or holiday. Sitting back in my seat further, I put my feet up, listening to the train run along the tracks was hypnotic if I must say.

Wanting to add on to my relaxation; I dug in my jacket's pocket for my trusty, MP3 player. It's music brought a sense of comfort to me on my nighttime walks or when I wished to tune the world out. I've had it for the longest time, and weirdly, when I made the journey to Equestria, it was one of the only items from Earth that made it with me. I have to admit, I was a little bummed that a lot of stuff that I wanted to bring didn't make it: but it hardly mattered in comparison to the opportunity. I glanced out the window listening more closely to the music that streamed into my ears, thinking back at my time in this land. In many ways, it was similar to Earth, however in other's it was league's ahead of my old home. I could say with 100% confidence that I enjoy Equestria more than Earth. There's so much to do here than back home.

A change in the train's path of travel and angle of ascent alerted me that we were starting to climb the mountains, which in turn meant we were getting close to Canterlot. I was eager and excited to get to see Luna again; it had been months since my operation since we've had time to really sit down or hang out. As weird as it may sound, being personal friends with one of Equestria's rulers wasn't really that big of a feat; we sort of just clicked.

A subconscious thought change my train of thought once again bringing me back to the mare I once loved: Colgate. We'd been together for nearly a year and a half, and in the course of two short weeks, something snapped. I still remember what she said that final time:

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Bucking hell, Jackson! Why do you have to be so dense!? Coltdamn it, and I even thought you were the One. But I thought wrong. Dear Celestia, I can't believe I spent a year and bucking half with you.

Baby, why are you saying this?! Just yesterday, you were saying that we'd be together forever and all those cliché things. What changed? Do you still care for me? Fuckin' hell babe, you even waited for me at my surgery, EVEN CRYING at my bedside when you thought I wasn't gonna make it. What happened to you...

Oh, you wanna know what changed? YOU WANNA KNOW?!? YOU changed. You're too cold, too rational, too logical... Not to mention absolutely appalling in the bedroom!! Dear Celestia, Jackson, you know a mare has essentials. It's almost like you're afraid to love me... Are you? If that's the case than this is goodbye...

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality. I shuttered as those cold words floated away. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to talk about it, I just wanted to forget. But I knew I couldn't. Her words stung. After that, she basically disappeared from the radar. Nopony knows where she went, even her business was shut down after a while. Of course, being the friends that Twilight and her gang were; they did their best to support me and cheer me up. For the most part, they understood how much of a gut punch it was, especially on that topic. The one who I could tell didn't understand how to react was Rainbow. I always knew her as the full-of-attitude, loyal 'till the bitter end tomboy mare that she claimed to be. For only a moment, I saw what she hid underneath the day I was at Twilight's. She was really a soft, caring mare who afraid of getting hurt; so she put up that ice cold facade to avoid the pain. I don't blame her, it's basically what I've done now.

Turning my neck from side to side, it snapped, cracked and popped, relieving a crick that had been bothering me since this morning then returning my gaze out the window. Chuckling, I realized the monochrome mare and I were more in common than I first thought, making a smile creep across my lips.

Oh well, I thought to myself, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the glass of the window. Out of the corner, I saw the grey mare shift slightly, her right ear twitching as she squirmed to get comfortable. My interest slowly faded as the scenery outside changed once again, this time a lush valley on both sides of the elevated train track was visible, with the royal city getting closer every minute.

I blinked twice. Has it been that long already? From my notes, Canterlot was roughly a few hours train ride away. I didn't think that I'd been asleep for that long. Peering out the window, I glanced quickly in the direction of the sun, guessing it to be roughly 2 in the afternoon. Given the fact that the train left early in the morning, I suppose it would make sense that the trip was almost over.

Tucking my Mp3 player away safely, I sat up, straightening my back which offered a series of "pops", and after that, relief. Laying back in my seat, I scanned the seats in front of me, not taking notice at first where I was sitting. I had chosen the back right corner of the coach for some reason, which I couldn't remember off the top of my head. The passengers were as typical as any train riders would be: some couples here and there, a school of fillies and colts most likely on a field trip, and the occasional pony sitting by themselves. Life seemed to be going on as normally as any other day, nothing was out of the ordinary: no impending dark forces threatening the land, no lord of trolling and chaos to cause havoc, no swarm of changelings to crash any social event.

It was just quiet. Calm and peaceful.

The train's whistle blew as pulled into the Canterlot train station, the brakes screeching to stop the machine. Steam rose from its metal wheels as we finally ground to a halt. Taking a look around, everypony was bustling getting ready to depart the train. To my right however; I spied that same grey mare eyeing me, nonchalantly looking me over. I tried to make it look like I didn't notice, but I failed at that. She flicked her head back, a barely noticeable blush appearing on her cheeks before she trotted down the coach and off the train. I had to admit, she was kind of cute.

Turning my attention back to the scene around me, no one jumped or took immediate notice that I lumbered off the train among a crows of ponies. That's another thing I liked about Equestria. Ponies here were very open, accepting and willing to learn and co-exist with different species. I felt my haunted memories leave me behind as I stepped off onto the concrete platform, breathing in the warm, summer air. Canterlot sure was beautiful this time of year.

A clock at the train station showed 3:07, late afternoon. This meant that I had just enough time to get settled.

"Mr. Jackson Mills, I presume?" a voice said behind my back. Turning, I saw a yellow colored mare with a blue mare and green eyes looking at me, just as curious as I was. She bore a paper and quill as her cutie mark.

"Yes?" I simply replied. The symbol on her clothing suggested that she was related to or working in some way with the royal sisters.

"Ah yes, good to meet you & welcome to Canterlot. I take it your trip was sufficient?" Her tone was flat and professional, almost interviewing me on my experiences thus far, which included a train ride and a few steps.

Chuckling, I turned to face her fully, in turn, she relaxed her stance ever so slightly.

"Yes, it was just fine."

"Fantastic to hear. Anyway, Princess Luna has set aside a room for you in the royal castle. You'll be staying there for the next couple weeks." As she said that, her horn lit up with its magical aura, poofing my bags somewhere.

"Your bags will be waiting there for you. Nice to meet you again and welcome." She gave me a firm nod and levitated a key to my hand, which I grabbed an put in my pocket. Simply nodding my head to her, I turned and began my stroll towards the castle. Canterlot was indeed, quite the sight. The streets were cobblestone, reminiscent of the streets of Paris back home. There were shops and building set up along the street, some large, some smaller with various signs advertising their products. Ponies bustled every which way, occasionally bumping into each other. Quite the change from small town Ponyville.

"Jackson?! Fancy seeing you here!"

Freezing in place, a huge smile burst onto my face, knowing exactly who it was before I even turned around. There stood Twilight, or should I say Princess Twilight, smiling as brightly as the sun. Her wings were spread slightly as she continued to walk towards me.

"Twilight!? Wow, I was gonna say the same thing!" I replied as I leaned in for a hug, followed by a quick nuzzle. A few ponies directed their attention towards us for a split second, then carried about their business. Retreating from the hug, I caught a scent of Twilight's perfume, the name of it escaped me however.

"Soo, I hear you're here on vacation? Imagine that, I'm here on royal business with the Princesses." She motioned for me to walk with her, continuing our approach towards the castle. She was all smile, even having a little bounce in her step. I'm glad that she was always this happy to see me. We continued our walk up the sidewalk towards the castle, talking about current events going on in each other's lives, how Twilight was adjusting to her new royal status, how Rainbow Dash had finally made it into the Wonderbolts Reserve and other basic stuff. I have to admit, it was nice catching up with a friend.

The castle drew nearer and nearer, finally the two of us ascended a flight of steps towards the front doors, passing over the drawbridge and finally entering the rather impressive establishment. Ponies dressed in every imaginable color strode from here to there with the occasional few bowing to Twilight, causing her to blush slightly. I found her blushes and funny quirks adorable. We walked up another flight of stairs which ended in a t-bone, turning left there and walking down a long hallway, doors on either side with various designs. I glanced over at the purple alicorn trotting next to me: I must say that she's quite attractive. She's done well to keep herself in shape, and the new wings only further accent her body. She was, quite beautiful. Shaking my head slightly, I returned my full attention to the hallway, which ended in another t-bone, which we turned right at, ascending another flight of stairs until we came to another hallway, this time with smaller doors labelled for independent use. I followed Twilight until she stopped at the room I was supposed to use for the next two weeks; and waited patiently while I finagled for the key, causing me to blush a bit. Once the door opened, my jaw dropped to the floor. A suite lay before me, complete with full walk in closet, queen size bed along with other accommodations. Twilight pointed out that the bathroom was exactly three doors down on my right, which was convenient.

"Anyway Jackson, it was really nice catching up with you, but I have to get back to Celestia. Apparently I'm needed for some royal affairs. Anything else I can get you sir?" she asked with a playful wink. Taking the hint I chuckled as I sat down on the bed. It was outrageously comfortable.

"That will be all, Your Highness."

"Oh shut up, you," she retorted, ruffling her wings. With a nod of her head, her horn lit up and a second later she was gone, accompanied only by a purple flash of light.

I took one last look around the room fully taking its awesomeness in.

This is gonna be an awesome two weeks, I thought to myself as I drew the shades, letting light flow in, gently warming everything.

III: Midnight Walks & Silent Thoughts

III: Midnight Walks & Silent Thoughts

The bed was insanely comfortable, absorbing and supporting the full weight of my body. I rested my hands and arms behind my neck, crossing my legs and letting out a long sigh of relief. This is exactly the type of vacation I needed: no loud noises, hardly any interruptions and two weeks of my pure enjoyment. Sitting up, I started to take a closer look around the room: it was remarkably clean, spotless even, the walls were covered in some off white looking texture.

Not ivory, but something close. A giant purple, white and grey rug lay in the middle of room, oval in shape and striped. The bed itself featured an overhang with four supporting columns, two huge pillows, super comfortable sheets of some foreign material to me, but I thought it was something close to silk. Pretty high brow and classy for a lone human visiting the castle.

Letting out a sigh I took of my sweatshirt, tossing it to the floor and hopping back up on the bed crossing my legs. A knock at the door split the heavy silence that blanketed the room, causing me to jump slightly. Curious as to who it was, I hopped off the bed and nonchalantly walked to the door, turning the lock and opening it. To my complete surprise, Princess Luna herself stood in the doorway, casually leaning herself against the wall. Her deep, turquoise eyes darted to me as our eyes connected, sending a warm smile across her face.

"Jackson! It's so good to see you," she exclaimed, taking one step closer to me, subtly hinting to let her in which I completely obliged to. Bending down to one knee, I accepted her hug in its fullest, her hooves gently wrapping around me. As we broke the hug however, I swore I felt a nuzzle as she retreated. Her warm smile was almost lethal.

"It's really nice to see you again, Luna," I replied, taking a few steps back, allowing her to fully enter the room. She closed the door behind her. She strode towards me, her beautiful mane and tail flowing as elegantly as the night itself. But it wasn't her striking mane and tail, or her body that got me: it's her eyes. I don't what it is about them, but something just captivated me every time I would look at her.

"So," she said, trotting next to me, sitting down and smiling warmly again. "How have you been? It's been a while since we've gotten time to talk you know."

I chuckled, completely relaxing. "Yeah, it has been."

"So, I have to ask. But, how are you doing?"

I paused for a second. "Just fine, Luna?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Jackson..."

Again, I paused for a second. My eyes fell as the cold reality of what the dark blue alicorn said set in. Those cold, heartless words resurfaced before I could shake them away.

It's almost like you're afraid to love me... Are you?

Yes, I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I really didn't want to talk about it. Even weeks later, it still hurt way too much to just idly talk with anyone. But, Luna was a personal close friend and she cared for my wellbeing, so I guess she had a right to know.

"To be honest with you Princess... I don't feel too well."

A grim but concerned expression came over her muzzle. Her ears slightly lowered as she did the same with her eyes. I could tell that she was upset, but break-ups are an almost everyday occurrence in life; some far nastier than others. We can't sit around for too long and mope.

"I understand... even if it's too late, I'm sorry for what she said. No one should have to endure that." If anypony could understand what pain felt like, it was Luna. Though her time of Nightmare Moon was long over, I could still see some of the pain in her eyes. Much like Rainbow Dash, Luna had put up an icy cold facade after she came back, shutting everypony out but a select few: myself included. What Luna was on the inside was a very caring, loving mare who simply wanted to be accepted. I knew I could relate.

"Thanks Luna," I replied, turning my gaze out of the window, the sun beginning to set, casting beautiful rays of sunlight across my home. It was stunning, and I was glad I could share this moment with her.

"Hey, I know something that might cheer you up," she said, lost in thought.

"What's that?"

"Would you like to come watch the moon rise?" A huge grin broke across my face, regret and sadness being chased away by excitement and happiness. I had never seen the moon rise, let alone sat next to the pony who was responsible for it.

"Would I?! That's awesome of you to suggest, Luna! Thank youu!" She giggled at my little outburst, turning her gaze out of the window as well, making note of the sun's position. We stood up and began to head for the door of my room, Luna leaving before I did, which left me time to grab my jacket and shoes, hurriedly sliding both on and jogging after the alicorn, who playfully peeked around the corridor's corner before darting away. Jogging again, I found her waiting patiently for me at the end of the hallway. She wore a wide smile and a warm look in her eyes. For some odd reason, my heart slightly fluttered before I met at the double doors, meeting our eyes was a long bridge with another spire at the end of it. Something did seem oddly familiar about it, however. Luna beckoned me to sit a little distance from her, as the final rays of disappeared from the sky. I knew I was in for a show.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Luna was ready. I sat on the side eagerly waiting the show to start, and of course, the only thing I'm missing is popcorn. Her horn started to dimly glow as she closed her eyes, her focus narrowing to a needlepoint. The alicorn's wings flew open as she took a much more aggressive stance, her horn glowing more and more brightly. Sparks began to fly from the tip of her horn as she grimaced slightly before baring her teeth. Slowly, I saw the moon in its entire beauty rise from below the horizon, creeping into the sky, gently shining like a diamond. Twinkling stars surrounded it, almost winking at me as some clouds crept along the horizon. My eyes grew huge as I walked the beautiful moon start to bath the landscape with its gentle lunar rays.

A slow exhale came from Luna, her wings relaxing as her posture became composed again. A small smile appeared on her muzzle as she turned towards me, eyes glowing from the moon. Simply put, I was speechless. In my time in Equestria, I've watched the moon rise many times, but not once have I watched the mare responsible for it do it. She giggled, walking towards me calm and collect, curious and patiently waiting for my reaction.

"Well?" she half-asked with another giggle.

"That was.... awesome!! Ugh, I sound like a filly, but that was the most awesomest thing I've ever seen!"

Oh come on Jackson, you sound like a schoolyard filly at a Wonderbolts show. Man up!

"But, seriously. That was awesome. Thanks for showing me." Having finally calmed down, Luna laughed gently at my little outburst, tilting her head, scanning the night sky to make sure everything was in order, before beckoning me to follow her inside. The show being over, I got up and followed her in the warm confines of the castle, the heavy metal doors clunking behind us. The hallways were empty expect for the two us, and I had no idea what time it was, however I wasn't tired. I didn't fancy a nighttime walk, thought it did sound enticing.

I had things to think about.

"Thanks for the show, Luna. I'm going to head back to my room if you don't mind. Gonna start settling down for the night." The blue alicorn looked slightly disappointed, ruffling her wings once, seeming to be deep in thought. A half smile shown on her face for a split second before vanishing. I think she knew exactly what I needed to ''think'' about, but didn't want to say anything.

Arriving at my room,  I bid Luna a quick goodnight hug before closing the door behind me. It was just as I left it, the curtains gently fluttering in the warm night's breeze. Moving to shut the window, I paused, gazing absent mindedly at the night sky, watching ponies fly here and there.

Something was wrong, however. I was alone and I didn't like that. For my time in this world, I've always had friends by my side: whether it be Twilight reading me into Equestrian traditions, or Rainbow Dash and I going for a run or even Applejack and I walking home from a hard day's work. I've always loved the company of my friends, and this trip to Canterlot was full with some nice pleasantries, but as cliché as it sounds, nothing really compares to friends. I sat down on the bed, the room silent; dead silent. Something came over me, hitting me in my gut.

I guess the shock finally wore off.

For a split second, a violent image of Colgate flashed in my mind, visibly shaking me to my core. Tears started to roll down my face as the horrid reality set in:

I was the reason she left me.

I sobbed quietly, tucking my knees close to my chest, tears streaming down my face. The pain that I felt in my chest was nearly unbearable as images of that blue mare I loved continued to plague my mind's eye.

You complete idiot... why didn't you trust her... why...

I laid back on the bed, fishing for something, anything in my bag to give me peace of mind. I rummaged faster and faster, tears half blinding me, before I finally found it.

I closed my eyes and sniffled one time.

At least this way I'll know your pain, too.

IV: The Cuts That Make The Lines

IV: The Cuts That Make The Lines

It's all your fault...

It's all your fault...

It's all your fault...

It's all your fault...

You stupid bastard, it's all your fault...

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I didn't want to do this, but I felt it was the only way to help. The razor glided along the top of my right forearm with ease, leaving a dull pain behind as well as a thin trail of blood. The red liquid started oozing along my arm, slowly tracing its own path. But I didn't stop. Making three more cuts, each only adding to the pain. Setting the razor down on the bed next to me, I laid back on the bed, watching the blood start to flow even stronger now, a sizable stream covering my arm. It was hypnotic in a way, watching how it slowly trickled along my arm. The pain wasn't sharp, it was dull; the type of pain you felt in your gut. The tears started to flow again, crushing my chest with sobs, no longer silent but ringing through the halls of the castle. But I didn't care. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry; sorry for everything.

The blood began to run even thicker and faster, which caused me some concern. Taking a closer look at my arm revealed several lacerated cuts, bleeding profusely.

Oh shit...

I jumped off the bed, running for the door and down the hall to the bathroom. I panicked, scrambling to find anything to stop the bleeding, now practically covering my entire right arm, dripping off my fingers. The world around me started to spin, fading in and out of consciousness. Looking down at my arm again, blood completely covered it, now leaving a sizable puddle on the bathroom floor. Looking in the bathroom's tall mirror, I saw myself. A bleeding, sobbing mess. And here I thought that this vacation was going to be relaxing. That's clearly out the window.

My knees started to wobble, slowly giving out on me. Before I knew it I hit the floor, a soft thud resonating through the castle.

I felt my eyes grow heavy, feeling leaving my body, the warm tingling of blood pooling around my body. Darkness crept in around me as the tears kept coming, silently sobbing, yearning for her to come back. Even though I knew it was too late.

My hearing dulled as death seemingly welcomed me with open arms, until I could faintly hear the bathroom door crash open, a dark blue mass standing over me. I couldn't make out who or what it was, but it was sobbing, crying in fact, before its horn lit up and lifted me off the ground effortlessly.

Everything faded to black as I felt myself move on the mass's back.

I'm sorry, Luna.

I'm sorry, Twilight.

I'm sorry everypony...

But most of all...

I'm sorry, Minuette.....

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"How did this happen?"

"I found him on the bathroom floor upstairs close to death: his right arm was cut in several spots."

"A suicide attempt... what could have prompted him to do so?"

"I'm not sure, Nurse. Is he stable at least?"

"He's lost so much blood... it's nothing short of medical miracle & your quick thinking that he's still alive, Princess."

"And barely breathing at that... Have Twilight and her friends been notified?"

"Yes, your majesty."

"Good... and Thank You."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The world slowly came into focus as a soft beeping made itself known in the right side of my hearing. The whiteness of the room was the second thing that came into focus, a textured ceiling and white walls with some windows were all that I could see, along with some chairs, empty. Voices hummed at the peripheral of my hearing as well, both distinctly female, one sobbing. My vision continued to flicker, slowly fading to black once again, tension in my right arm reassuring me that I was still alive.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Jackson...." a single, shattered voice whimpered, breaking the heavy silence that the room was filled with.

I was finally able to open my eyes, practically using all my strength for this one task, feeling completely drained. There stood Rainbow Dash, at my bed side, a seriously worried look on her face: ears flat, eyes watery and confused. One of her hooves was behind my head, gently stroking my hair. The other, laid over my stomach. I could tell she had been crying, since my sheets were soaked.

I broke down, and the emotions flow, fully embracing the cyan mare, who readily squeezed me back. She leaned into my chest, quietly sobbing, while a noise drew my attention to the door. There, stood a very, concerned Twilight, visible pain in her eyes. She slowly walked up to my other bedside, gently laid a hoof on my cheek, before her head fell into my chest, her entire body heaving from sadness. In that moment I realized the error of my ways. Here I was, in a hospital room, bandages around my right arm, with my friends utterly broken in front of me.

Would I leave them? Could I leave them?

No. I wouldn't. Even though, deep in the darkest parts of my heart, I still felt the pain of losing Colgate, I knew that change had to happen.

"I-It'll all be ok... The doctors said... you'd be ok..."

"Don't ever leave us again!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash before folding her ears back and crossing her forelegs.

"P..please...."

Minutes past, and before long nurses and doctors came in to take measurements and tests, accompanied by one pony: Luna. The look on her muzzle was one of not disappointment, but of sheer horror at the thought of nearly losing one of her closest friends. She stood in the doorway patiently waiting for the doctors to finish their tasks, asking me questions if this felt ok, or if I had any feeling in that. The concerned look on her muzzle never went away, however I knew I hurt her. I really didn't mean to, but at that moment I didn't know how to deal with the pain. Luna, of all ponies would understand exactly what I was going through.

The doctors concluded their tests, leaving me and Luna alone. An awkward silence filled the room, almost forcing myself to look at the floor.

"I'm...I'm so sorry Luna..."

My words caught her off guard, tilting her head in sympathy. Rather than responding to me, she simply walked up to my bedside, and wrapped me in her warm arms. She was a pony who was infamous at never showing emotion, notorious for her stone, cold facade but forgiving eyes. Here, I almost didn't recognize her. She was crying; sobbing at that. I wrapped my arms around here, the bandages entering my vision field for a second, already starting to haunt me.

Never again...

"Don't... ever.. do this again. Remember that I'm...*sniff* always here to help you, Jackson. You mean.... too mu..much to me.."

Silence filled the room once again, only accompanied by Luna's gentle sobbing. To see the Princess of the Night in such a state was, shocking to say the least. She was always the one who was emotionless, offering advice that was as cold as it was helpful, rarely showing any affection or love towards anyone but her sister. The hug seemed to last forever, and I have never felt safer than in that moment. I couldn't think of anything to say to her that seemed appropriate either, so silence was the only option.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Signing my release papers, I half-smiled at the nurse, who took them from me, scanned them over and motioned me away. A feeling of relief washed over me, the warm summer dusk breeze washing through my hair, which badly needed a shower. In fact, I need desperately needed a shower; I smelt of hospital and shame.

Not the best combo if I say so.

A hint of a smile managed to creep onto my face again. I still had a lot of time left on my vacation in Canterlot, and even though this put a rather huge damper on things, I wasn't going to let it. Walking along the cobblestone streets was all the solace I needed right now, watching the sun set. Ponies eyed me every so often, throwing questionable glances at my arm, causing me to shield it. I was still ashamed of what I did, and I didn't want anypony outside of my friends to know. Not yet at least.

Coming to an intersection, I saw ponies of different colors and races happily mingle amongst each other, chatting the young evening away, oblivious to anything outside of their world. Returning my thoughts to the sidewalk in front of me, I went on to explore Canterlot in its entirety. I was curious, and no intent of spending the next few days cooped up, wallowing in my own self pity. No, not today. Pinkie Pie had taught me that. In the time that I had known her, she always found a way to make me smile. Always.

A certain pony caught my eye, making me almost double take over my right shoulder. That same pony, the one that was on the train was casually walking down the sidewalk with another that looked similar to her. Their pupils were slits instead of circles, which made me more curious. I used my peripheral vision to observe them more, seeing them scan over their shoulders, eyes locked onto me. Giggling, they trotted off, their destination unclear. I chuckled, a light smirk escaping my lips whilst I brushed my hair out of my eyes. To be fair, I hadn't the foggiest idea where I was going. I suppose I could wander over to the Coliseum where the Wonderbolts performed, down the main drag browsing vendors, or back to the castle to relax for the evening. The fact that I needed a desperate shower resurfaced in my mind, causing me to stop dead in my tracks.

I'm going to sound like Rarity, but I'm not strolling around in Canterlot like this.

I mentally smacked myself and turned around, making the right turn and heading back towards the castle, it's regality welcoming me back. I strode through the main entrance, its bright colors making me squint as I headed for the regal staircase, which ended in a t-bone. I took the left path, ascending another flight of stairs, ponies venturing here and there, dressed in formal wear, casually eyeing me, even exchanged waves hello and goodbye. Walking for a bit and taking a right turn, I walked up yet another set of stairs, which lead into the quarters. I walked down the now slightly less obnoxiously lighted hallway, my hands shoved in my pockets, I closed my eyes for a split second and smiled.

Oh well, I mused to myself.

I just hope she's happy.

I reached my room, and as I turned the key I paused once again before entering. I entered the room, a smile on my face, ready to restart.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I shed my current clothes, reaching for the robe that the room had been restocked with, along with my toilet trolley and walked towards the shower. Opening the door, the hot, steamy air hit me like a sauna, as I continued to walk to find an open shower. Upon finding one, I shed my robe and stepped in, the hot water washing over my body, slowly melting away the pasts events. I pushed my head under the running faucet, my hair ran flat and wet, covering my eyes half way, making me push them away.

I reached for the soap, slathering it onto my body, the substance gooey and bubbling everywhere. It brought me peace finally being able to feel clean. Taking a minute to look down at my right arm, which I had taken the bandages off before I got in the shower, I could get a full look at the damage that I had done. Four cuts remained emblazoned on my forearm of different lengths.

The cuts that make the lines...

Arranged in beautiful designs...

Someone once told me that the scars we have tell the story of who we are: the more scars, the more interesting the story. If the scars heal and vanish, so does the story.

I put my hand on the wall of the slippery shower, still staring at the scars that I had carved into my arm, haunting reminders of past events and actions. I closed my eyes, and took a simple breath.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"So, that's what they call it in your world?" Luna questioned, curious at learning more about life before Equestria. We had been discussing different holidays, and how they compared to Equestrian holidays. It's almost eerie how similar the two were.

"Yep, the height of summer is called the summer solstice. It's the longest and brightest day, much like here I've heard." Being in Equestria for two-ish years hadn't changed my personality I suppose, but it had definitely had an impact on my emotions.

Rewrapping right arm after my shower was, difficult to say the least. I struggled to apply the medical measures needed to assure that cuts would scar over properly. And Luna couldn't help but giggle like a filly at my struggles.

"Here, let me help you. You're starting to look foolish."

I blushed heavily as the lunar princess trotted over to me, gently setting a hoof on my arms, subtly hinting at me to let her take over. A tad miffed, I submitted, the alicorn carefully working to wrap the bandages around my arm, making sure they weren't too tight. I had to admit, her touch was incredibly delicate, almost motherly. She finished taking care of my arm with a hint of a blush appearing on her cheeks.

I had to admit, she was adorable.

For a moment that seemed to be outside of time, our eyes met, and I forgot how to breathe. Her eyes were spellbinding, leaving me speechless for a long time, sending her giggling, a huge blush on her muzzle as well.

"What are you giggling about, Luna?"

"AAHH! Your face! Sooo funny! You look like you died standing up!" She was hysterical, laughing on the floor like if someone was high on nitrous oxide back on Earth. She snorted once, a cute little snort, which finally won me over. I started laughing along with her, our laughter echoing through the halls of Canterlot's castle. Laying back on the couch, I put my hands behind my head and started at the ceiling, still chuckling.

I guess it's true that laugher heals all wounds.

Thanks Pinkie.

V: Arranged In Beautiful Designs

V:Arranged In Beautiful Designs

Luna had left about half an hour ago, leaving me alone in the room, quiet and calm. I was left alone with my thoughts, solaced to think about what life had handed me. I had tried to take my life. Was it worth it, or was it just a split second decision?

To be fair, I thought it a simple spur-of the moment action slash cry for help.

I sat there, alone. Was it worth it? That question continued to dance through my subconscious, forcing me to think about it. Heavy thoughts began to ring in: why did I have to do this to my friends, what must Luna think, how everyone must look down on me now. In fair terms, I rolled on to the floor, drawing my legs into my chest, resting my head on my legs and staring out the open window. The warm, summer night air gently filling the room. Taking to my feet after a few minutes of silence, I headed for the door. Donning my heavy jacket around my shoulders, I carefully slipped out of the room, trying not to make any noise. The doors had a nasty tendency to creak. The hallway was silent and desolate, expected for this time of night. I shoved my hands into the pockets and made my way through the castle, heading for the garden entrance. Dark pangs of guilt still plagued my mind, and I thought a walk would ease any tension.

I made my way down the stairs, making a right turn and heading for the entrance. The interior of the castle never ceased to amaze me, its regal decoration offering a splendid ambience, but something was missing; something important. Not a sound could be heard as I wiggled through the front doors and out into the sprawling city that lay before me. I strolled down the sidewalk, the cool, night breeze washing over my face. For a second, I felt safe. I was by myself, alone with my thoughts, finally able to reflect on my past actions.

Admittedly, it felt heavy. I knew that I had damaged the friendship that I have with my friends, and the thought of having done that to them

was almost unbearable. A cold pit formed in my stomach, landing hard like a sack of wheat. I swallowed hard, pulling my hood over my head, shrouding my face. I continued walking down the street, paying no attention to the ponies that meandered around in the night's cool blanket. I felt eyes looking at me on the outside of my vision, forcing myself not to turn to see who it was. I didn't know where I was going but I kept walking, through winding alleyways, across broadly lit streets, past a club with blaring music and other landmarks. Where I was going I wasn't sure, and didn't care much for the time. I just needed to be alone.

Reaching a bridge, I placed a hand on my right arm, feeling the tight bandages wrapping me in the only form of comfort aside from Luna's hugs. Jogging my memory back to the day I was recovering in the hospital, I remember all my friends that came to visit me wearing faces of hurt, betrayal and confusion. My stupid short term want had probably left me short a few friends, them casting me aside like yesterday's unfinished paper. I felt a lone tear streak down my right cheek as I looked out onto Canterlot's marina, full of expensive looking yachts and privately owned boats. I didn't want to hurt my friends, or leave them stressed out, of which I could tell because their visit to me was only a few hours before boarding a train back to Ponyville.

All because of my stupid needs. Old memories long repressed from Earth pushed themselves forward, haunting me of my teen-hood and early adulthood. I had always considered myself socially awkward, never fitting in to anyone's cookie cutter. But that's what you're supposed to do, right?

Create your own cookie cutter.

A brisk gust of wind blew my hair into my face, making me correct the problem instantly. I needed a hair cut desperately; it was starting to grow past my ears and eyebrows. I had tried to keep it well maintained through my life, but since I arrived in Equestria, it's been a lesser priority. My mind wandered back to burning question at hand: did my friends think differently of me now because of what I've done?

Were they saddened? Frightened? Happy.....?

The answer plagued me, constantly poking at me, practically forcing me to turn my entire attention to it.

I turned away from the marina, walking back down the street, the question still hovering in my head, like some angry cockroach that refused to die. I shoved my hands into my pockets of my sweatshirt, which was flapping loosely in the midnight breeze; a silver moon glowing under the black sky dotted by twinkling stars.

I had a lot to think about; and some concerned friends to console. But more importantly, some sleep to catch up on. As I looked up the sky, my right arm started aching, a dull pain making itself known once again. The same pain that had I had felt only a few hours ago. And the same one from years ago, buried deep in my subconscious. I continued walking, lazily scanning the now empty streets around me, feeling safe enough to walk down the middle of the wide, cobblestone road. A barely audible wind blew through the suburb. It was slightly unnerving seeing the capitol city of Equestria this time of night: and finally able to appreciate the wordless display Luna created. It was truly amazing, I was completely in awe at her raw ability to create the nights for all of Equestria to enjoy. I never fully understood why she did what she did all those years ago, and everytime somepony brought it up, it nearly brought her to tears. To think that someone that happened a millennium ago still holds your heart captive.

Reaching the same bridge that I had seen on my way out, I thought about wandering towards the other side of town: but at this time of night it didn't seem like the most opportune thing to do. Continuing on my current path, I meandered between the street itself and the sidewalks, carelessly pondering questions that still needed answering. However I did not notice the gentle gaze of a familiar alicorn not too far away, wings silhouetting against the moon.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The castle's warmness and silence greeted me once again, the large front doors sliding closed behind me. A sigh escaped me before sauntering back up the stairs towards my room; deeply lost in thought. I didn't even notice Luna peeking around the end of the hall, watching me with her glowing azure blue green eyes. Her mane gently flowed as she followed me towards my room, silently trotting; me perfectly unaware. She smiled warmly, pausing as I entered my room. Was she considering talking with me this late? Or perhaps she was just checking in on a friend?

I'll never know.

I tossed my jacket and shoes aside, landing on the carpeted floor with a thud. It gave me comfort knowing that no matter what I did, or how bad I screwed up, that somepony was always looking out for me. That thought alone gave me solace as I squirmed to get comfortable on the bed, a smile appearing on my face as I finally faded into sleep, the silver moon glowing under the twinkling stars.

Luna closed her eyes and smiled to herself, strolling away from my cracked bedroom door, gently and silently closing it behind her.