Destination Still Unknown

by Nosfrat

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Comedy, Gilda, Random, Slice of Life, Human, Anon
Length: 11578

Tired of Gilda bullying him, Anon decides to follow Dash's advice. Needless to say, it doesn't work the way he wanted. Anon x tsundere-ish Gilda, set in the Equestria Girls world.

Anon is tired of Gilda bullying him, and he decides to follow Rainbow Dash's advice to deal with her. Needless to say, things don't go quite the way he wanted.

First person Anon x tsundere-ish Gilda, contains: spoilers for Rainbow Rocks, harsh language, mild violence, sexual references, and a lot of stupid shit.

Published 2014-12-04 18:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-04 18:00:04 UTC

Walking The Wire

Author's Note

So here it is, an EqG story, something I had been wanting to write for almost a year now. It's not great, but I'm not unhappy with it, especially since I've been having a lot of trouble to write lately (read: I spent nearly 3 months without writing a single word). It's still the same shit as usual (more or less), except that this Anon is (slightly) less of an asshole, and more of a beta.

I apologize if anything about my description of high school life is wrong, given that I haven't set foot in a school since I was twelve, and I have no idea how schools work in the US (it seems to be pretty different from what I think it's like in my country).

I hope you guys enjoy it.

Walking The Wire

"Get outta here, dweeb."

"I was just-"

The young girl interrupts me by grabbing my arm. "Get out."

"I wasn't even- ARGH!" I let out a very unmanly scream as she wraps her other hand around my wrist. "Gilda, I swear I will-"

"You will what?"

"I will fuck your shit backwAAAAH!" I wince in pain as she starts twisting my arm.

"We both know you're not gonna do anything," she says with a grin as she releases her death grip on my poor wrist. "Now get outta here, and I better not see you again."

"You know I would fuck you up something real if I could," I spit out, trying my hardest to burn a hole through her face with my glare.

"I know," she smirks.

I push her away, maintaining a death glare as I nurse my sore wrist with my other hand, watching as she makes her way back to the weight rack.

'Jesus Christ, woman. What the fuck is wrong with you?' I mutter under my breath, walking away from the gym. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with her? Since when is the gym hers? I just wanted to cut through here to get to the cafeteria faster. She was just lifting, it's not like I caught her doing something... well, worse.

Shaking my head to get rid of those thoughts, I finally arrive at the cafeteria and grab a tray. Aside from that particular girl, life in Canterlot High has been pretty good overall. Especially the food. Man, Applejack's granny makes a mean apple pie.

Sitting down at my usual table, I take a bite of my steak and sigh heavily. It's not the first time I 'run' into Gilda, and she seems to have made it a personal point to annoy me whenever I'm unlucky enough to enter her field of view. I could defend myself if I wanted to, and she knows it, but she would never let me win. Being on every sports team at Canterlot High, she would probably get a bunch of jocks to humiliate me, or maybe even beat my ass up or something if I somehow dared to defy her.

I take another bite and chew angrily, glaring at nothing in particular. During the past two months, she's managed to give me a couple of bruises, steal nearly a hundred bucks from me and ruin the only date I had managed to get so far since I joined this school. Granted, I would have put an end to the date myself anyway, as I can't stand fashion nor German accents, but still.
Clearly, she wants war.

I shall give her what she wants, in fact. As soon as I'm done eating this bomb ass piece of-

"Hiya Nonny!"

A pink blur stirs me out of my thoughts, and my eyes settle on a pair of large blue ones.

"Hey Ponko."

She giggles and boops my nose with a finger. "What are you doing? Why are you eating alone?"

I scratch my nose (which now smells of frosting) and raise an eyebrow. "Huh? I always eat alone."

"But you have friends! It's mean to stay alone when you have friends! Why don't you come sit at our table? You know the girls love having you around!"

Ah yes, 'the girls'. Pinkie's crazy group of friends who blast on bad students with magical rainbow lasers and shit. Not that Pinkie isn't crazy herself, but I can handle her alone. At least I think so. But when she's with them... even if they were normal, I'm too asocial for this shit.

"I'm eating with Rainbow Dash today, why don't you join us?"

"Alright, lead the way," I reply, sighing in defeat.

I wish I could eat alone in peace, but I don't exactly have a choice. I mean, the last time I refused to join Pinkie and her friends, she sneaked into my house at two in the morning and held me at gunpoint until I accepted to attend a bunch of parties during the following week. Sure, it was a plastic gun. Sure, she would never hurt me. And sure, I had the time of my life getting shitfaced and beating up Flash Sentry for throwing up on me, but still... Pinkie Pie is scary.

I reluctantly get up and grab my food, following her to the other side of the room.

"Hiya Dash! This is Anon, do you remember him?"

The blue girl deadpans. "Pinkie... we've known each other for what, two months?"

"Oh... I should throw a two month anniversary party. Don't you think so, Anon?"

"Sure, whatever the hell you say, Ponk," I reply as I sit down next to Rainbow Dash.

"'Sup Anon."

"Hey Dash. What's up?"

"You know, the usual. Being awesome and all that stuff."

"Sure," I grunt and take a bite of my apple pie. Dash will never change, but damn. Everything is better with pie.

"So, I heard Gilda is giving you trouble?"

I swallow and raise an eyebrow. "Huh? You know Gilda?"

"Well, duh! We used to be best friends back in middle school, but..." she trails off, looking down.

"What happened?"

"She changed... a lot."

"Yeah? Well, you guys still talk, don't you?"

"Sometimes... we're both in the soccer team, but we don't hang out like we used to anymore."

"Oh. Well, that's a damn shame."

"Yeah, she was a good friend," Rainbow says in a sulking tone, oblivious to my sarcasm.

"So, can't you tell her to leave me alone or something? I'm getting really tired of her shit."

Rainbow Dash glares at me, before raising both eyebrows. "Wait, you mean..."

"What?"

"She's bullying you?"

Ouch. Being bullied is one thing, but admitting to a girl that you're being bullied by another girl... who just happens to be her former best friend... well, that would have really hurt my virility, had I been any virile to begin with.

"You could say that."

"Oh boy, Gilda will never leave you alone. You can be sure of that."

Great.

"Why? What's her problem? I never did anything to her."

"We should go confront her!" Pinkie says as she gets up, a determined expression upon her face.

"No, Pinkie. That would only make things worse, trust me," Rainbow says.

Pinkie frowns and sits back down, crossing her arms over her ample chest. "But, but, but! She's a meanie, Dash! She will hurt Nonny again, I can't let that happen!"

"Don't worry Pinkie, I can handle myself," I interject.

"Against Gilda?" Rainbow Dash chuckles.

"Yeah, why not?"

She shakes her head and sighs. "I wouldn't try that if I were you, but..."

"Come on, girls! Are you hiding something from me?"

"Nah. C'mon, let's take a walk," Rainbow says as she gets up, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You and me."

"I'm not done eating," I reply, pointing a finger at the few crumbles of apple pie that remain on my plate.

"You're fat enough, c'mon!"

"I'm not fat," I frown. "I'm big boned."

I sigh, getting up and following Rainbow Dash out of the cafeteria, while Pinkie rants about how friends don't let friends hanging even if they let friends hanging by not letting other friends hanging or some shit.

This girl needs to ease up on the sugar.
And the cocaine.

"So, where are we going?"

"You'll see," the prismatic girl answers with a smirk. Man, today is gonna be one of those days...

As we exit the school, I run into a white girl, knocking her on her ass. I frown and extend a hand, which she reluctantly grabs.

"Anonyme! Regarde où tu vas!"

I help her up and cross my arms as she dusts herself off, looking at me in disdain. Someone ought to tell her that names aren't supposed to be translated or something.

"I haven't seen you in French class since the very first lesson, Anonyme, darling," she says, putting emphasis on the words 'very first'.

I frown. "Yeah, because it's boring. I'd rather spend time in physics class, at least I learn useful things there."

"I'm with Anon on this one," Rainbow chimes in. "I'd rather learn how to make homemade napalm than how to say mushy stuff in another language! I know a couple of insults, and that's all I'll ever need to know."

"But, Rainbow Dash, darling! It's the language of love!"

Rainbow lets out a small giggle. "Whatever, Rare."

"Yeah," I add. "You know you're pretty much the only student in the entire school who's actually interested in it, right?"

Rarity shrugs and walks away. "You're all so... humph. Unrefined."

Rainbow resumes walking and I follow her. "What's her deal?" I ask her, still following a few feet behind, and silently wondering where she's taking me.

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Whatever it is... she sounds even fancier and more annoying than before," I blurt out.

"I have to admit... why would anyone want to learn a language past the point where they can already call people dick eaters in that language?"

"My thoughts exactly," I chuckle. "So Dash, where are we going?"

"Oh, nowhere in particular. I just wanted to take a walk with you."

I raise an eyebrow, eyeing her carefully. "That's all?"

"Yeah, that's all," she says flatly as she takes a left. She comes to a halt behind the school and looks around warily, before beckoning me to come closer with a finger.

"Dash, what's going on?"

"Listen Anon. Do you trust me?"

"Uh... I guess, yeah?"

"Yes or no?"

"I think so. Why?"

"I know how you can get Gilda to stop bullying you," she whispers, still shooting various glances around us.

"Really? I'm all ears."

"Shh."

"Dash, what are you-"

She turns around and throws a punch behind her, hitting nothing but air. She scoffs and turns back, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry for that, I thought I heard something."

"What the hell is going on?"

"Listen to me."

"I'm listening! You're the one who's trying to box the air."

She frowns, before clearing her throat. "You have to ask her out."

"Oh. Okay."

Wait, what?

"Good. Let's-"

"Wait, what?"

"What, what? You have to ask Gilda out! On a date!" she almost shouts, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What the hell? Why the fuck would I do that?"

"I know her, alright? Ask her out in front of everyone, she'll freak out and leave you alone."

"Are you sure? That sounds really stupid, like something out of a bad fanfiction."

"Look, I know how she works! We've been best friends for over ten years! I'm telling you, if she knows that anyone saw you asking her out, she'll make sure never to come close to you, ever again. She wouldn't ever want to be seen with someone who tried to get all mushy with her."

I put a hand to my chin and stroke my skin, wishing that I could grow a beard. "I guess that makes sense, but... well, I hope you're right."

"I am," she smiles. "Come on, let's get back. We have soccer this afternoon, do your move when the match ends."

"I don't play sports," I deadpan.

"Just drop by the gym when your classes are over," she says, frowning in annoyance. "Jeez!"

"Alright, alright... shit, Dash. This better work."

"It will," she simply replies, walking back towards the school as I follow her, pondering her words. Gilda hasn't been the bane of my existence per se, but I will gladly do that if it can force her to stop with her shit... what's her deal anyway? Seriously. Bullied by a girl for months... man. Maybe Dash is right.
Maybe I should hit the gym.

God, this is boring. I have no idea why, but after physics ended, I decided to check out the French class. Maybe so that I could call Gilda a carpet muncher in a language she doesn't know... but I didn't think it would be that boring. Everyone is either chatting or sleeping, except Rarity, that is. Rarity who, from the looks of it, is having a full blown conversation with the professor, a very lanky white woman with pale pink hair.

I glance at my watch and shake my head. Soccer practice should end in half an hour. Should I really follow Dash's advice and ask Gilda out in front of everyone? That sounds like a very bad idea, if ever there was one. But then Rainbow seemed adamant that this was my only option if I wanted it to stop... maybe it won't be so bad.

Feminine voices stir me out of my thoughts, and I glance at the fiery-haired girl sitting next to me, who's herself glaring at a light blue girl with silver hair sitting nearby.

"What does Flash Sentry look like?"

Heh. I wonder what they're talking about. The light blue girl doesn't seem to-

"Does he look like a bitch?" the orange girl asks angrily.

"Yeah," I interject, earning a glare from Sunset Shimmer, and a smirk from Trixie. As far as I can remember, Flash Sentry does look kind of like a bitch.

Suddenly, the bell rings and everyone wakes up (and gets up), except Rarity and the professor, Flour-du-Less or whatever the hell her name is.

"Stay away from him," Sunset barks at the magician girl, who simply shrugs. They both get up and walk out of the classroom, arguing about... uh, who makes the tastiest burgers or something?
Girls... man, I don't think I'll ever understand them.

I look at my watch again, and snort loudly. I have a good twenty minutes before I can make my move... shit. Am I really gonna do that? Am I really gonna go through with this stupid fucking idea?
Ask the meanest, toughest, most unladylike bitch in all of Canterlot High out on a date? Sure, it's not like it's for real, but still... and in front of the whole soccer team? I mean, the whole point is to have other people witness it, but... fuck.

Well, at best they'll think that I have balls, or that I like tomboys. And maybe that I have a death wish.
At worst, they'll probably just laugh at me while Gilda slaps me. Not like it would be the first time... I suppose I can live with that. A man's gotta try, right? After all, what's the worst that could-

"Hey, Anonymous!"

Once again, my thoughts are interrupted by a high pitched voice. I turn around and frown. Oh man, not her again...

"What do you want, Blaze?"

"Anon... I told you to call me Aria."

"Yeah but 'Aria it faggot' doesn't work."

She rolls her eyes. "Look, are you free tonight?"

"No. I'm not free right now either, I gotta go. I got things to do."

"Wanna drop by my house and see us practicing?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. "Listen Aria, I know that you girls really want to become famous and everything, but you can't sing."

"Are you turning down an invitation to watch the Dazzlings practicing? Many guys would sell their mother for-"

"Yes I'm turning it down. As I told you already, you girls just can't sing worth shit."

"Is it because the lineup of our band has changed? I know Flitter and Blossomforth aren't as good as Sonata and Adagio, but-"

"No, it's not that. None of you can sing."

"B-but! But you liked us before!"

"No, I didn't."

"You did! You recorded us on your phone during the finale of the battle of the bands!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So you liked us!"

"No. I just needed visual evidence to get the National Guard to come down there and blast your asses back to wherever the hell you're from."

"You were..."

"Yeah. You enslaved the whole school, what did you expect? I don't know how they do things back in your world, but here we don't take kindly to that sort of shit."

She harrumphs and turns her head away. I shrug and walk away, only to feel something tugging on my shirt.

"Aria... Jesus, can't you leave me alone?"

"Can I see it again? Please?"

"You've seen it dozens of times already."

"Please?" she grovels, giving me her best puppy dog eyes.

"Goddammit... fine," I growl, taking out my phone and starting the video.

"It's so beautiful..." she trails off, sighing dreamily at the sight of her and her friends getting defeated by whatever that thing even was.
And then people wonder why I don't want to hang out with a bunch of crazy teenager girls who can grow equine ears when they sing and summon a giant magical rainbow beam able to defeat villains from another dimension.
Why did I decide to move to Canterlot anyway?

"Whatever the hell you say, Blaze. I gotta go, see you later."

"Later, Anonymous... thank you again!"

I shake my head and trail my palms down my face. This is just my luck, really. The only girl in the school who cares about me turned to be some weird monster from a magical world full of small horses, who somehow became a teenage girl after being banished or whatever happened to her.
Why is this my life again?

I eventually arrive in front of the door leading to the gym, and take a deep breath. Am I seriously about to do this?

Yes, I am. I'm a man on a mission.
Let's do it.

I open the door and walk up to the bleachers, taking a seat and watching the last few minutes of the match without much interest. I hardly even know the rules of soccer, or any sport, really. Obviously, whatever team Rainbow Dash and Gilda are on is winning by a landslide.

Eventually the match ends and I get up, walking uneasily towards Gilda, who seems to be chatting with two huge guys. I hear a whistle and turn around, spotting Rainbow Dash winking at me. She wipes the sweat off her brow and points at Gilda with a finger, giving me a thumb up with the other hand while I simply stare at her.

Alright Anon, that's it. Moment of truth. Don't be a pussy now.

I approach Gilda and clear my throat, before tapping on her toned shoulder with a hand. She turns back and glares at me with her fiery eyes.

"What the hell do you want, dweeb?"

"I... uh, hi."

Less beta, more alpha.

Fuck you brain, I don't remember you helping me much today.

The athletic girl keeps glaring at me, tapping her foot impatiently. "I said, what the hell do you want?"

Clearing my throat again, I shake my head and mentally brace myself for the incoming disaster.

"I like you, and I want you."

"I... WHAT?" Gilda nearly screams, while the two jocks next to her erupt in laughter.

"Yeah. You wanna go out with me tonight? My treat."

"I..." she trails off, her eye twitching as she nervously looks at the two guys, who are still busy laughing their asses off.

She turns back to face me and grabs me by the collar, still frowning angrily. "Meet me behind the school at eight o'clock," she says with a faint blush forming on her cheeks. "If anyone hears about this, you're so dead."

She walks away, leaving me there alone, standing in the middle of the gym, as everyone walks out.
What just happened?

The More That You Resist The Tide...

I throw my backpack on the ground and allow myself to fall backwards on my bed, sighing heavily.
What did I get myself into?

I'm supposed to meet Gilda behind the school in less than two hours, then take her out on a date... somewhere?
Why? Just why? Why is any of this happening? She wasn't supposed to accept, was she?

If I live to see tomorrow, I'm gonna kill Rainbow Dash.

Unlike simply asking her out, pussying out doesn't seem to be an option this time. Gilda is expecting me to meet her, and while I could stand her up, that would probably lead to a far worse result than what I've been trying to put an end to by asking her out in the first place.
Or, maybe she will be the one standing me up, and the whole school will laugh at me tomorrow...

...holy shit, I don't want to do this. Why did I have to listen to Dash? Goddammit... even if I don't survive until tomorrow, I will come back from the dead to kill her.

I sigh for the umpteenth time today and step in the shower, stripping naked as I do so. I sit on the cold ceramic floor and close my eyes, letting the hot, soothing water wash over me.

What can I do? Maybe I could bring flowers?
She certainely doesn't look like the type of girl who's used to being offered flowers. In fact, she doesn't look like the type of girl who'd want to receive flowers at all. If she actually wants to go out on a date with me, then I suppose she won't say anything and reluctantly accept them. And if she doesn't, she'll be forced to avoid me since I'll have come off as romantic and clingy.
Alright, that's a plan. That can work.

Yeah, that's going to work.

I hastily wash myself and step out of the shower, taking a few hundred bucks from the money my parents left me with for the month. They're never here, but at least they leave me a lot of cash whenever they leave on their endless trips to the other side of the planet...

I'm gonna have to go to the florist... heh. I haven't been there since my (disastrous) date with Photo Finish. The girl who works there is a really nice girl, though. She's cute as a button and smells great.

But there's still the question of where I'm gonna take Gilda... probably to some random restaurant, not a cheap date but nothing too fancy, either. She's probably not into the really classy stuff, and beyond the fact that she doesn't deserve such a treatment, I don't have the looks nor the budget for it anyway.
Well, I do have the budget, but like hell I'm gonna be spending a grand on a date with that bitch.

I push the door open and wave at the girl hidden behind thick foliage.

"Anonymous?"

"Hey, Rose. What's up?"

"Oh you know, the usual... what can I do for you?"

"Well, I... uh. I have a date tonight, and I was wondering if-" I'm cut off by a pleasant scent as the young woman waves a beautiful purple and yellow flower inches away from my face.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful..."

"Your date will love it, I can guarantee that."

Yeah, right... if only she knew.

"Thanks, Rose. How much do I owe you?"

"Three fifty."

"Cool," I smile and take out a five dollar bill.

Roseluck smiles weakly, before waving a hand in front of my face. "Um, Anonymous? I meant three hundred and fifty dollars."

"...oh."

Son of a bitch.

"Here, take this," she adds, handing me a small can of... air freshener?

"Huh? Are you implying that I smell?"

"What?" she asks, embarrassed. "No, no! It's just a gift. A friend of mine gave it to me and it smells really good, but I can't use it here with all the flowers each producing their own powerful scent."

"Oh... well, thanks Rose."

"Go get 'em, Anonymous!"

That feel when people know so little about you, they actually think your date can end well.

"In the end, that fucking cunt is still stealing my money... goddammit. You're so dead, Rainbow Dash."

I can't believe I let her talk me into this shit. I've been waiting here for twenty minutes, with my ridiculously expensive flower in hand. I'm cold, I'm bored, I'm nervous, and I'm-

"Hey dweeb."

I turn around and see...

"Gilda?"

Holy shit.

"Who else? C'mon, let's go before someone sees us," she says hastily. "We gotta..." she trails off, her eyes lingering on the flower I'm holding in my hand. Snapping out of my trance-like state, I shake my head and raise the flower to eye level.

"For you," I say in a cringeworthy, beta tone.

"F-for... for me?" she asks in disbelief, eyeing the flower as if it were the Holy Grail or something. I guess she's not really used to male attention... why would it be so is a mystery, though. She's absolutely, stunningly gorgeous. She's wearing a skin tight white top underneath a bright brown coat, and a pair of similarly colored brown skinny jeans, complementing perfectly her shapely, muscled thighs. She's also wearing purple eye shadow and very faint pale yellow lipstick.
In a word, wow.

Just, wow.

"Are you done staring, dweeb?"

"Sorry, Gilda. I was just-"

"I know," she smirks. "I have that effect on guys."

Not really, she doesn't, but... well, she usually doesn't.
Right now she totally does.

"Come on, where are we going?"

"I thought we could go to some Italian restau-"

"Pfft! Don't you have anything more boring? Let's go watch a movie."

"Uh... sure, I guess. We can take my ride, I'm parked over there."

"That shitty car? Huh. Figures."

I frown, but stay silent as I walk towards my car, Gilda walking next to me. She opens the door herself and sits in the passenger seat, a bored look on her face. I sit behind the wheel and turn the engine on, trying to convince myself that I can still salvage something... even if it's just my sanity.
Goddammit, why did she have to be so beautiful all of a sudden?

"What type of movie do you wanna go watch, Gilda?"

"Look, there's some stupid chick flick."

I glare at the cringeworthy poster on the wall. A romantic comedy? Really?

"Uh, sure, if you want."

"It's gonna be great," she says, rubbing her hands. "Probably a ton of stupid dweebs making out, let's go annoy them and scare 'em shitless!"

Oh, so that's what she had in mind... I was worried for a second back there.

Shrugging, I follow her inside the dark room, but not before paying for both our tickets, two bottles of coke and two giant plastic bowls full of popcorn.

Of course, Gilda insisted to sit in the back so that we could 'spot the stupid dweebs'. Sitting next to her, I grab a handful of popcorn and shove it into my mouth, watching the ad currently playing on screen without much interest.

Apparently, 'Call of Duty: Black Modern Ghostly Advanced Ops III' will feature a brand new, revolutionary concept in the form of the 'laptop gun'. Because obviously, that's never been done before...
Oh well, all I can really do now is sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

I have mixed feelings about this 'date' so far.
Those ads have been going on for minutes now, and Gilda's expression has remained mostly unreadable. One moment, she looks like she's gonna take my hand in hers and smile, and the next moment she looks like she's gonna rip my intestines out and strangle me with them.

Hopefully she will-

"G-Gilda?" I stutter as I feel her hand grabbing mine.

"Hey look!" she says, pointing at two people sitting a few rows ahead. "They're kissing!"

"Uh, yeah? So?"

"Shut up and watch," she smirks and gets up, stealthily making her way to the oblivious teenagers.

A couple of screams later, I facepalm as a pale yellow girl with pink hair sprints out of the theater room, barely holding her tears, followed by a black dude with a silver mohawk.

She takes her seat back next to me, barely holding back tears of laughter.

I cross my arms and shake my head disapprovingly. "Well done, you cockbite. You made Fluttershy cry."

She stops laughing and stares at me. "So what? She was making out with that stupid dude! Why would you care?"

I shrug, going back to watching the ads. Will the movie ever start? It's not like I was planning on coming back to watch 'The Twilight Saga Reloaded 3D: Episode VII Part 3' anyway.

"Humph! Who the fuck actually wants to watch that?" Gilda scoffs, crossing her own arms over her toned chest. "Much less pay to watch it," she adds.

"No idea. But then, look at what we're about to watch," I say wryly.

"I just wanted to scare the crap outta those stupid... argh, forget it," she replies angrily, looking away from me.

Well, that's one hell of a date. I obviously wasn't expecting anything good, but this is pretty fucking bad.

I remain silent for a few minutes, eating my popcorn noisily (though less so than Gilda) and watching the screen, hoping that one day, someone will figure out that people go to the movies to watch movies, and not to buy the newest 'Eau de Vaisselle' perfume from... holy shit, is that our French teacher naked on screen, lying in a... large kitchen sink?

Goddamn.
I knew there was something fishy about that woman.

Drowning my worries (and my boner) in coke and popcorn, something suddenly clicks in my head. Everything about Gilda, her attitude, her reactions, her mood swings... is she that unpopular with boys?
Nah, that can't be. I refuse to believe this could be the first real date for a girl as attractive as she is.

"Say, Gilda..."

"Huh?"

"Why did you want to scare teenagers making out anyway?"

"Because it's fun, duh," she replies as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah but, movies last what, a hundred minutes on average? Did you really expect you could scare the same people for over an hour and a half straight?"

She glares at me stupidly, before shifting her gaze around uneasily. "I-I... I just thought you'd help me. I thought we could have fun."

"Have fun? As in, you and me, having fun together?" I inquire.

"What? No way. You just happen to be here, that's all."

"And you just happened to accept coming here with me. Hell, you were the one to insist. You were the one who wanted to come here, and to watch that movie instead of- well, I, uh..." I trail off, noticing the perfect silence. "Gilda?"

She adverts her eyes away from me, looking at the screen with a blank expression.

"Gilda, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm watching, dweeb."

"You're watching a bunch of names on a black background."

"Huh?"

I raise an eyebrow at her surprised face.

"I-I just wanna see if there's someone I know."

"Someone you know?"

"Yeah, maybe there are famous actors that-"

"Gilda, this is a PSA, and you're reading the names of the people who killed themselves driving under the influence during the past eighteen months."

"What? I... b-but... I know that! But... but I know a lot of guys who really know how to party! Maybe one of them... y-you know?"

I stealthily scratch my balls, hidden behind my popcorn. "That's one of the worst excuses I've ever heard."

"Shut up. You don't know anything about me."

"I never said I did."

This is going nowhere.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I won't annoy you anymore."

She grunts, going back to watching whatever is on screen. We've been sitting for nearly half an hour, and the movie still hasn't started. Hell, I already finished my popc- oh.
Finally.

It was about time.

This movie isn't bad, actually. Pretty entertaining after all... definitely not what I originally wanted to see, but it's not bad by any means. I wanted to go see 'Die Hard 8: A Good Day To Live Free And Die Harder With A Vengeance', but well. Can't have everything now, can I?

"Anon?"

Huh? Oh, right. My 'date' has been so silent for the past half hour, I had actually forgotten that she was here at all.
Man, I'd make such a great boyfriend.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why?"

"Uh... why what?"

She clears her throat, causing me too look at her. Not taking her eyes off mine, she asks calmly, "Why did you ask me out?"

"I... uh..." shit, I wasn't expecting that. Her expression is still hard to read, but this time it's neutral. She doesn't seem to be angry or anything, merely curious.

While 'because your former friend told me to do it so that maybe you'd leave me the fuck alone at last' comes to mind, that's something I'd rather keep for myself, at least for now.
Come on Anon, find something, find something... well, she did look gorgeous when she showed up behind the school. Could I give her the most honest of all the dishonest answers?

"Because I noticed you weren't really popular with guys," I say coyly.

She snorts as her face contorts into one of pure hatred.

"So you took pity on the poor lonely girl who scares all the guys away because she's more of a man than they are? That's it?"

"What? No, I-"

"That's all it is for you? You just wanted to humor me? LEAD ME ON?"

"What? Gilda, I don't know what you're-"

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" she shouts, earning glares and 'shhhh's from the few people in the theater room. "You thought you could just ask me out and then ignore me? Well, joke's on you, asshole! I never cared about you! I'm just here for the free drink and popcorn!"

"Calm down, damn it! What's wrong with you?"

"YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE!"

What.

Noticing my confused expression, she throws her hair out of her face and puts a hand on mine. "You were the only one who ever stood up to me."

"Uh... okay? Gilda, I still don't know what you're talking about."

"You... you're a fucking idiot, Anon."

"C'mon, your insults are usually better than that."

She suppresses a smile and sighs heavily. "You were the only one who ever stood up to me, whenever I annoy you or hit you, you stand your ground, stare me down and threaten me."

"Well, no shit. I'm not gonna let you-"

"I know! That's why I wanted to... it doesn't matter now. You've shown your true self, you're just like the others."

"Am I?"

"No... I don't... I don't know anymore."

"Come on Gilda, talk to me. What's wrong? You can tell me."

She looks away from me for a few seconds. "I... you see, all the guys in the soccer team treat me like one of them. But I'm not one of them! I mean, I am, but... they're guys. Sometimes I want to be treated like a girl, I want to have a guy who cares about me and sees me as a girl, instead of high-fiving me and calling me 'bro'..."

"...but your attitude drives even the manliest guys away from you," I 'complete', earning a death glare from my date.

"..."

"And you like me because I don't treat you like a guy, but I don't run away from you either?"

"...yes. That's just how I am, why should it mean that I can't be with a guy? Why are guys scared of a girl who doesn't cower before them?"

I shrug. "I don't know, but fuck them," I say, pointing a finger towards the first row of seats. "Look, there's a couple making out. You wanna go scare the shit out of 'em?"

"I... okay, let's do that," she says with a weak smile.

She gets up and crouches down the aisle, slowly making her way to the front row as I follow her, wondering how the hell she can 'walk' like that. Soccer, probably... every day is leg day for her. As for me, well... let's just say that walking on all fours works just as well. Thankfully, it's too dark for people to see, even though the room is near empty anyway.

"Ready Anon?"

"Sure, waiting on your mark."

"Three, two, one, GO!"

We both spring to our feet and scream, attempting to scare the (hopefully literal) shit out of the two teenagers. But instead, we're met with two shit-eating grins.

"Pinkie?" I ask in disbelief.

"DASH?" Gilda screams, equally surprised.

"What the hell are you two doing? Wait, were you kissing?"

"No, silly! We were pretending to, so that maybe you'd take a hint and do it yourselves!"

"I-... we... what?"

"Anon, what are those two doing here?"

"I don't know, Gilda!"

"C'mon G," Dash says, "we may have had our quarrels in the past, but you really think I'd leave you hanging?"

"What?"

"And you Nonny," Pinkie chimes in, "you really think I wouldn't try to make you happy? Everybody needs to be happy!"

"Whatever the expletive you say, Penki Pe."

She giggles and pushes Gilda backwards, causing her to fall on the seat behind the two girls.

"Rainbow Dash..." I start, rubbing my eyes with a hand. "What the hell is going on?"

"Well dude, I'm sorry but Gilda is still an old friend, and I wanted to-"

"She set you two up on a date, silly," Pinkie says matter-of-factly, bouncing in her seat.

"Why?" both Gilda and I ask in unison, before glaring at each other, faintly blushing.

Suddenly, a familiar tune starts playing as Pinkie Pie stands up and starts singing, albeit a few octaves too high.

"Pinkie, what are you doing?"

"Anon, what is she doing?"

"Pinkie, they're right, what are you doing?"

"There's sexual tension in the aiiiiiir~"

Gilda, Rainbow Dash and I just stare at the pink girl as she pulls an electric guitar out of nowhere and starts shredding like there's no tomorrow for almost five minutes straight. When the music finally dies down, we're the only four people left in the theater room.

Dash shakes her head before shrugging. "It's just Pinkie... being Pinkie. Don't question it."

"I wasn't going to," I interject, still confused. I look at Gilda, and she gives me a similar, 'what the fuck just happened? wait, don't answer that, I don't wanna know' kind of look.

"You two set us up on a date?" Gilda asks, suddenly angry again.

"Don't be so grumpy, G. I know you, I know why you've been acting like that with Anon," Rainbow Dash says, winking at me. "And you Anon," she points a finger at me, "I know you have the guts. You've been standing up to her for two months, and I'm sure she ended up growing on you," she adds with another wink.

As much as I hate to admit it, I must say that meeting Gilda on a daily basis, even though it wasn't always pleasant, was still the most exciting part of the day a good majority of the time.

"Look at her," Pinkie says, grabbing Gilda's face and squeezing her cheeks together, "I know she's a meanie, but look at her! Deep inside, I'm sure she's as sweet as Fluttershy."

"Pinkie I-"

"Come on, Nonny, look at her! Don't you wanna kiss her cute little face?"

Rainbow puts a hand on Pinkie's shoulder. "Don't push your luck, Pinkie."

Gilda suddenly throws a punch at Pinkie, whose head just retracts under her T-shirt, before popping back up. "Oh, that was fun! Let's do it again!" she shrieks.

Gilda's face drop and she slumps over in her seat. "I don't know what's happening anymore..." she says, sighing heavily.

We both stay here, lost in our thoughts as Dash and Pinkie start talking about whatever it is pink girls on crack and rainbow-haired athletes talk about. The movie ends about twenty minutes later, and we lethargically get up, remaining silent all the way back to my car, ignoring the two girls' attempts to get us to talk.

"Mind taking me home, dweeb?" Gilda asks in a sleepy tone.

"Sure, where you live?"

"69, Griffon Lane."

I snicker.

"Shut up," she says, this time in a playful tone.

"Here we are, Gilda."

I turn the engine off and look at her, expecting her to get out of the car or something.

"Thanks, Anon... you know, I don't usually go out... I mean, hang out... I mean-"

"Hey, don't worry about it. I don't usually do that either. As fucked up as it was, did you at least have a good time?"

She frowns, before giving me an earnest smile. "I did... thanks."

"Gilda?"

"Hm?"

I put a hand on her cheek and close the distance, pressing my lips against her soft ones. Sighing in happiness for a few seconds, I break the kiss to gauge her reaction, but she instantly wraps an arm around my neck and puts her head against my chest, beginning to cry silently.

"What's wrong?"

"I..." she hiccups, "you're the first guy who..." she doesn't finish, softly sobbing into my shirt.

And here I was, thinking that she was a mean bitch, while in fact she was just as lonely as I am.

I wrap my own arm around her, gently stroking her head, and give her a soft kiss on the forehead.

"It's gonna be alright, Gilda. I'm here now."

She doesn't answer, clutching me as tightly as she can. It makes it hard to breathe, she clearly doesn't know her own strength, but like hell I'm gonna deny her that. Or deny myself the pleasure of having her hug me.

She eventually calms down, raising her head and kissing my cheek. "You know I'm going to kill you if you ever mention what just happened, right?"

I nudge her cheek with my own, before planting another soft kiss on it. "Don't worry, Gilda. I won't tell a soul."

She smiles. "Thank you Anon, I... I should probably go."

"Hey, don't forget this," I say, reaching for the flower I had left in the glove compartment.

"Oh, right. It's... beautiful. I never thought anyone would buy me flowers one day..."

"Hey, it's just one flower."

She smiles again, and clutches my hand in hers one last time. "Good night..."

"Good night, Gilda."

"Good night, Anonymous," a familiar voice comes from behind me before something hits me in the back of the head. The last thing I see is Gilda's fear-struck expression before everything else turns to darkness.

The Darkest Night Ain't Black Enough

I weakly open an eye, and quickly wish I hadn't. This is one dirty ass... urgh, room? Basement? Whatever the fuck this is... where am I?
What happened?

"I THINK HE'S AWAKE!" a male voice shouts next to me, causing me to jump. I look to my right and frown, now fully awake.

"Snips? Snails? What are you two faggots doing? Where are we?"

"Shut up, Anon," Snips says. "COME DOWN, HE'S AWAKE!" he shouts again, towards what seems to be a set of stairs.

"Quit screaming, for fuck's sake! My head hurts!"

"I said shut up."

I get up and punch him in the face, knocking him out cold.
Well, that went better than expected.

I glare at Snails. "You want some too?"

"You don't scare me."

Another punch, another little prick out of commission.
This is boring. I guess even in real life, bad guys like to use the most inept people they can find as henchmen.

Suddenly, a faint light comes from upstairs, casting a shadow on the wall behind me as a familiar figure makes its way down.
What the fuck...

"Blaze?"

The purple-haired girl frowns as she comes fully into view, crossing her arms. "I told you to call me Aria."

"What the hell are you doing? What am I doing here? Where are we?"

"I asked you. I asked you nicely. You know I always liked you. And still, you went on a date with that stupid... bitch!"

What? Seriously, what?

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm better than Gilda in every aspect."

As much as I hate to admit it, I would have had to agree a day or two ago. But now...

"How so? Gilda bullies me, but she doesn't kidnap me."

She looks away.

"And if she did, she would take measures to make sure I can't retaliate," I add, throwing a wild punch at her face to drive my point home, only to get knocked back by a powerful shockwave of energy. Aria Blaze starts to laugh, pointing a finger at me.

"I can't believe you thought I hadn't planned for that."

I get up, feeling a little wobbly. I dust my pants off and glare at her. "What was that?"

She smiles, pointing another finger at a fragment of what looks like a ruby on her necklace. "That stupid Twilight Sparkle and her friends may have destroyed the source of our powers, but those things still hold some power. Nobody can cause direct physical harm to me."

As I reach for her neck with a hand, she puts a hand up and smiles. "And of course, nobody can snatch it away from me."

Well, shit.
Maybe I should go for the obvious question...

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you. I want you."

"Cool. But I don't want you, so please, let me go?"

She stares at me for a few seconds before bursting in laughter. I frown, definitely not amused. Where's Gilda? Is she okay? Shit, I gotta get outta here and find her!

"Did you seriously think that would work?" she asks between laughs.

"No."

"You know, I've been nice to you, I've been trying to get you to like me for a while..."

"And obviously, asking me to listen to your awful off-key singing seemed like the sensible option to you?"

"I AM THE GREATEST SINGER EQUESTRIA HAS EVER KNOWN!" she screams, stomping the ground with a foot.

"I don't doubt that, but this isn't Equestria, whatever Equestria even is. And here, you can't sing worth shit."

"You leave me no choice. You will go out on a date with me tonight, and you will like it," she says, hitting a switch on a wall nearby, causing a curtain to drop, and revealing-

"GILDA? ARIA, WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Now listen, you come with me tonight, or I'll make sure she never walks out of here."

Well, that's it, she's gone off the deep end.
I should have seen this coming, in all honesty. She had gotten worse and worse during the past two weeks or so... now, she probably wouldn't last a week before the cops storm the place, but even though she's out of her fucking mind, she probably has a plan already, so perhaps I should play along until I can come up with a plan on my own.

"And of course, hurting my girlfriend is a surefire way to win my heart, right?"

"Trust me," she smirks.

Did I just call Gilda my girlfriend?

"I wouldn't go so far as to use the word 'trust', but fine. I'll come with you tonight," I reply, turning my head away and staring at a gagged, bound, and scared Gilda. I wink at her, hoping that it will convey the reassuring 'I have a plan, don't worry', rather than something along the lines of 'I'mma get some purple pussy tonight'.
She nods slowly, closing her damp eyes.

Wait, did she say tonight? Did she drag me all the way back to her house yesterday, and I only woke up now? Did she drug me?

"By the way," Aria says, "I need you to come with me. We'll go back to my house, so you can take a shower. I can't have my boyfriend looking like he's just been kidnapped, now can I?"

Holy shit, how did I go so long without realizing that this girl was completely batshit fucking insane? And that means that we're not at her house... so where are we?

"Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to blindfold you first. If you know where we are, then you might just get some crazy ideas about helping your ex."

Goddammit... alright, alright.
It's fine, just play along, Anon. This girl is completely insane, there is no way in hell she can possibly have a reliable and lasting plan. There will be flaws, she will make mistakes, and you will be ready to exploit that.
Then you will come back here, wherever 'here' even is, you will free Gilda, and you will-

"Come on, Anon. We don't have all day."

I sigh, letting her blindfold me before slowly following her up the stairs, my mind focused on Gilda. I gotta free her... what if I just grab Aria's midsection and yank her backwards? That could knock her out or even kill her, but I don't have much of-

"Let's go."

And we're already upstairs. Damn it.

Can't I just make a run for it? After all, I can just take that stupid blindfold off and run, right?

"Aria, you do know that I could just take that blindfold off and make a run for it, right?"

"Yes, but you won't," she replies calmly.

"Why is that?"

"Because deep inside, you love me. I just know it."

Now I know I said she couldn't possibly have a reliable plan, but this is just... sad.

"Oh, look at that! What a beautiful sunset... too bad you can't see it, right?"

Goddamn, what time is it?

"Yeah... too bad."

Too bad for her, actually. Because that blindfold is a thin ass piece of white tissue, and I can see almost perfectly through it. RS Haul? Why the hell did she bring us to some abandoned truck depot on the edge of the city? Doesn't she know that I live literally a hundred yards down that street?

Maybe she still believes things work like in that Equestria place she keeps talking about? I don't suppose horses would know much about kidnapping, after all.

"You alright Anon?"

"Sure, and it's totally not suspicious."

"What do you mean?"

As much as I hate cops, now would be a good time for some of them to show up.

20 minutes later.

"Here we are!" she says, taking the blindfold off.

"Oh. Well, isn't that a lovely little house," I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Gotta admit though, it is somewhat lovely. Better than my house, at least.

"You can go upstairs, Anon. Go take a shower, I will, um... go get ready myself. We leave in forty-five minutes, alright?"

I grunt and walk upstairs, entering the bathroom and stripping naked before stepping into the shower. As the hot water washes all over me, my mind starts to wander, trying to figure out a way to put an end to all of this.
Peacefully, if at all possible.

Now I could just make a run for it, go free Gilda and call the cops on Aria or something like that, but that necklace of hers... I need to get my hands on it, somehow. At least, her two friends are 'normal' now, and they stopped hanging out with her when she started taking interest in me, which was about six weeks ago or so. Something about how they were gorgeous creatures and I was just a puny human, or something like that.
Women...

So hopefully, she won't have any help. She couldn't possibly have had the strength to drag me and Gilda all the way back to the depot on her own, so I assume that this is what Snips and Snails were here for, and they're possibly the least threatening 'help' anyone could have. If anything, they're more of a threat to the person they're 'helping'.

I walk out of the shower and put my clothes back on, frowning at the smell of sweat. Remembering Roseluck's little gift, I reach inside my jacket's front pocket and grab the can of air freshener, spraying some of it around me, and a little on my clothes, before putting it back in my pocket. This actually smells quite nice... flower girl knows her shit.

I quickly comb my hair and make a weird pose in front of the mirror. Man, I look pretty handsome for someone who's just been kidnapped.

"Anon! Are you done?" Aria asks, knocking softly on the door.

Right. I still have that to deal with...

"Yeah, I'm coming. You ready too?"

"Of course, I am."

A girl who's ready before I am? Damn, I could live with that.

Anon, what are you doing?

Nothing, brain. I'm just saying.

Well, you'd better think about a plan to get us outta here.

You're the brains, faggot.

...touché.

I open the door and flash Aria a smile.

"Look at this handsome motherfucker right there."

She grins, and blows me a kiss.
Damn it, that was supposed to be cringeworthy... oh well, I'll have other opportunities to drive her away from me tonight. Especially if we're gonna be eating...

A few minutes later, we're on our way to wherever it is she's taking us. As it turns out, she lives close to me, and close to the depot. That will probably make my plan easier, at least once I've come up with one.

"So, where are we going?"

"Giovanni's."

Really? That shitty pizza joint I was going to take Gilda to yesterday? Gilda... what's up between us, anyway? I didn't really have much time to think about it, I was more focused on the fact that she was tied up in a dirty basement, but we definitely had something going on yesterday. And back in the warehouse, she looked at me like I was the only person in the world who could help her...
Well, given the situation, I guess I was, but... shit. I don't know if I'm falling for her, but we clearly had a connection yesterday. That hug, the way she clenched my hand in between her fingers as if letting go meant death... I really gotta find a way to get rid of Aria's necklace, and fast.

"Here we are, Anon. Isn't it beautiful?"

A bunch of greasy, sweaty, bearded cooks yelling in Italian while cheesy classical music plays... my eye twitches.

"Yeah, I love it."

She walks up to a waiter and smiles. "Good evening, I reserved a table."

"Under the name?"

"Anonymous," she says with a large smile.

Son of a bitch... well, at least I guess that means she didn't touch my wallet.

"Right," the waiter says. "This way, Miss Anonymous."

"This is so romantic!" she squees.

Damn, that's cute.

Damn it, Anon! You're on a mission here.

Alright, alright.

We sit at a table and she grabs her menu.

"What are you gonna eat, Anon?"

As if she needed to ask.

"Spaghetti, of course."

"Oh... what about a single plate for the both of us? That would be so romant-"

"No way."

"Why?"

"I'm hungry!"

"Oh," she says flatly, her face dropping.

I'm trying to play along, but shit, I'm not doing that. Besides, now that I think about it, the only thing that I ate in the last thirty hours or so was a bowl of popcorn.

With Gilda... damn it, why do I keep thinking about her?

No brain, don't answer that.

Once again I'm stirred out of my thoughts, this time by the waiter smiling at us.

"I'll have a calzone," Aria says.

I shrug. "I'll have two number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven-"

"Wait, wait, sir. I, um... I think you're mistaken. We do not have, um, fast food menus here."

"Trash can bitch."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'll have spaghetti all'arrabbiata."

"Good choice, sir."

"You're damn right it's a good choice. And can you turn that damn music off? This ain't the opera."

The waiter winces at my rudeness, but simply nods before walking away. And Aria is... giggling?

"Anon, I love your bad boy attitude. It's so funny, I didn't know you were like that!"

This is not going the way I wanted it to.

"Huh? Yeah, you know. I aim to please."

How can she giggle at that corny shit? I guess I'm not gonna manage to shock her that way, and I don't wanna ruin my clothes just by eating messily on purpose... hopefully, eating will help me come up with a plan B. Or simply plan A? Scratch that, why do I even call these plans? I don't have a remote fucking idea what I'm doing.

We make small talk for about fiteen minutes, or more exactly, she tells me about her time as a 'siren' back in that horse dimension, and I pretend to listen, feigning interest. Whether what she says is true or not, she's completely insane.
Nobody in their right mind could possibly come up with such things.

Eventually the waiter comes back with our food, and I lick my lips. As I'm about to dig in, I hear my 'date' clear her throat.

"Um, sir?"

"Yes Miss?" the waiter inquires.

"Could we please have a bottle of your most expensive red wine? And some candles?"

Really? Is this how it's gonna play out? Is she really doing that shit right now?

"Right away, Miss."

"Thanks a lot, handsome."

That feel when she wants me as her boyfriend bad enough to kidnap me, but she's still flirting with a waiter who's old enough to be her father.
Girls, man... no, not girls. Bitches like her.

"I didn't know you drank, Aria."

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Anon... where to start?"

"Dunno."

The waiter comes back again and places three candles on the table, before lighting them and opening a fancy looking bottle of wine.

"Maybe we should talk about you..." she suggests.

"Or maybe we shouldn't."

"Do you, um, do you have a fetish?"

Fucking really?

"Yeah."

"Oh? What is it?"

"Silence," I smirk and dig into my food. This isn't the best spaghetti I ever had, but it's alright. Especially after running on an empty stomach for over a day.

"Don't eat too fast, Anon. I wouldn't want you to get sick... we're gonna get really busy tonight," she says in a sultry tone. "You need some strength but you also need to be able to perform."

I give her a blank stare before my brain processes what she's talking about, causing me to choke on my spaghetti. After coughing for a minute straight, I glower at her with as much hate as I can muster, before sighing.
She's not worth it.

She's not fucking worth it.

I keep eating in silence, shooting glances at her necklace. There has to be a way to get her to take it off somehow...

"Do you like 'em, Anon?"

"Huh?"

"You're staring at my breasts," she says with a smile.

No, I'm not. But let's pretend that I am for a minute.

"Uh, yeah, I'm sorry... yeah. They're really pretty."

They don't have shit on Gilda's. Hers are toned, perky... Aria's are just small, saggy lumps of flesh.

But... boobies, dude!

Shut up, brain.

That wasn't me, that was penis.

Shut up, both of you.

"I'm glad you like them," she says, swaying slightly on her chair. Is she... tipsy?

"Hey Aria, you're gonna drink all that wine?"

"You want some?"

"Nah, go ahead, I don't drink."

"You're the perfect guy..." she trails off, drinking straight from the bottle.

Yeah, she's pretty gone. That makes things easier, I suppose. Now to get that goddamn necklace...

I point at it, and feign interest. "What is this, anyway? It's beautiful, is it a ruby?"

She looks down and giggles. "Yep, it's an enchanted ruby! Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful. I'd like to have one like that."

"Really?" she giggles again, now with a noticeable slur in her voice.

"Yeah... mind if I try it on?"

"Sure, go ahead!" she smiles, taking it off and handing it to me.

I stare at it in confusion, before shaking my head and putting it on. So what now? She's drunk, powerless and defenseless, and I'm supposedly immune to physical harm.
Is this too easy or what?

I'm not sure if the necklace is giving me powers, but I suddenly get an idea.

"Hey Aria, wanna go back to that warehouse?"

"Uh? Why?" she asks, way too drunk to even realize that I shouldn't know where it is, nor that it is a warehouse.

"We could go do things in front of Gilda, make her jealous and everything."

She gets an evil gleam in her eye, and smirks. "That's a great idea! Lead the way, Amomynous."

"I think you should stick to 'Anon' when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"Of course you're not, c'mon, let's go."

I grab a hundred dollar bill from my wallet and put it on the table before getting up and helping Aria up, but not before snatching a candle. I love candles. I have several shelves with nothing but candles of all sizes and shapes at home.
Shit is so cash.

"Come here, I'm gonna take care of you."

"I love you Anon..."

"Whatever you say."

Yeah, I'm gonna take care of her alright. She starts walking in front of me and I take off the necklace, putting it in my pocket. Following her outside, I shiver at the cold night air. Damn it, how hot was it in that restaurant?

"Here we are," I say as I help the drunken girl down the stairs. She sits down on (or more exactly, lets herself fall to) the ground and gives me a sultry look, ignoring the snoring bodies of Snips and Snails. These guys... these fucking guys, I swear.

"Come here, Anon..."

"Yeah, I'm coming."

I sit down and reach inside my pocket, grabbing the candle I snatched back at the restaurant and placing it on the ground next to me. "Look what I got! Ain't that romantic?"

"Do you have a lighter?" I add before she can squee.

"Uh... no?"

"Alright, I'm gonna look around the room, there's a lot of junk everywhere, there'll probably be a lighter lying around somewhere."

"Okay... should I take my clothes off for you?"

I wince internally. "Sure, babe. Whatever makes you comfortable."

"You're going to make me very comfortable..."

Urgh. "You know it."

Walking up to where Gilda was being held, I slip under the curtain and lay a hand on her arm, causing her to jolt awake.

She attempts to scream through her gag, before realizing who I am.

"It's me, Gilda. I'm gonna get you outta here, I promise. You're just gonna have to wait a few more minutes, but it's almost over," I whisper softly, kissing her on the cheek, oblivious to what she's seeing. I turn around upon hearing the telltale clattering sound of metal on concrete, and raise an eyebrow at a topless Aria Blaze batting her eyelashes at me. Urgh...

The poor girl's scared expression becomes one of fear and betrayal, and I give her another kiss. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do shit. I got her right where I want her, I'm gonna knock-"

I'm cut off as something grabs me by the back of my shirt, pulling me backwards. I fall to the ground next to a giggling, and fully naked Aria.

"Gimme a kiss, Anon!"

"Wait," I say, grabbing my lighter and lighting the candle, before putting it back on the floor next to us.

"Now it's better, come on! Kiss me!" she closes her eyes and pucker her lips.

I pucker my lips and close the distance, only to burst in laughter when her lips connect with my raised middle finger.

"Yeah, no."

"What?"

"Uh-uh. Not happening."

"Anon? I-I thought-"

"You thought wrong. Look, it's over, alright? You're drunk, I have your stupid necklace, I know where we are, and the next thing you'll know is how much you miss your house when you're sitting in a cold prison cell."

It's her turn to smirk as she reaches behind her, pulling out a... pistol.
Shit.

"You're gonna kiss me right now. And you're gonna-"

"Wait."

Thankfully, she's drunk enough to remain easy to manipulate. And thankfully, I had a plan C all along.

I grab the candle off the ground and bring it up to her face.

"Do you see that?"

She cocks her head to the side, lowering her weapon. "See what?"

"Look at the flame, Aria."

I slowly reach into my jacket, and grab the can of air freshener.

"I don't see anything!"

"Look... closer."

As she gets close enough to the flame to singe her eyebrows, I bring the nozzle of the can to eye level.

"Hey, Aria?"

"Yes? I..." her eyes unfocus, and widen in horror as she drops the gun. She can see my smirk, and what stands between me and the fire.

"Blaze it."

I push down on the nozzle, engulfing her face in a stream of hellfire, instantly searing her eyebrows and burning her hair. I grab her pistol by the barrel, throw the can aside and smack her on the side of the head with the butt of the gun, knocking her out. Since I don't want to completely disfigure her, I quickly grab her green jacket off the ground and wrap it over her head, smothering the fire and pushing her unconscious body aside, before rushing to Gilda, firing a bullet in both chains holding her legs to the ground.

I tear her gag off and help her up, gently stroking her hair. "Shh, it's over. I'm gonna take you home and we're gonna have a nice, hot shower together before spending the night in a proper bed."

She frowns. "You better not be trying to-"

"I am. I will cuddle you whether you like it or not."

"...as much as I want?"

"As much as you want."

She scrunches her face and stares intensely at me. "Can you hold my hand again?"

I reach for her hand, smiling as we make our way up the stairs.
Maybe I'll spare Rainbow Dash's life, after all.

"Gilda?"

"Yes?"

I turn around and place both hands on her cheeks, bringing her in for a kiss. She doesn't object, happily returning the gesture.

"Anon..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you... for everything. I'm so sorry, I put us both in this mess..."

"No, you didn't. And anyway, we got out, didn't we? This bitch is gonna spend a long time away, I'm telling you."

"Still, it was my fault... if I hadn't treated you like that, you wouldn't have... you know."

"I guess, but if you hadn't treated me like that, I would have never discovered this side of you. I would have kept thinking that you were just an annoying cunt."

"I'm still an annoying cunt..."

"Yeah. But you're my annoying cunt."

"...shut up."

"Gilda?"

"Hm?"

"I think I love you."

"Shut up, dweeb," she says in a playful tone, blushing heavily.

"So I'm still a dweeb?"

"You're my dweeb."

We both walk out of the warehouse, and into the night. Even in her current, messy state, she's just as gorgeous as she was yesterday, and the moonlight reflecting in her eyes does nothing to tarnish their sheer beauty. Those eyes... honestly.

"Dweeb?"

"Yeah?" I chuckle.

"Are my eyes that beautiful?"

"You have no idea."

She reaches into her jacket and pulls out a beautiful flower.

"As beautiful as this?"

"You kept it?"

"Well, it's really beautiful... plus, it was given to me by someone I really like."

Looking into her dreamy eyes again, I smirk and she shakes her head, her expression reverting to the usual state.

"I mean, it's the only proof that you are the one who asked me out. I don't want people to think I can get so low as to ask a dweeb like you out."

"Whatever you say, Gilda."

"Anon?"

"Hm?"

"Will you hold me all night?"

"You know the answer to that question, don't you?"

"Idiot," she blurts out before grinning. "I think I love you too."

She wraps an arm around my waist, and I wrap one around her upper back, holding her close as she lays her head on my shoulder. I sigh happily as we walk into the night, and towards... well, I don't know where she lives, and as things stand, I'm not too eager to find out just yet.