“Dear Princess Celestia,
I am writing to you in this time of grief and need, but it is not your help that I seek, as I am conscious of my guilt. Merely for forgiveness I want to ask, even though what I have done cannot be forgiven. All the years of training, all the years of preparation, yet I have failed like never before.
My dearest and closest friends I have betrayed, cheated and hurt in a way that I could not even have imagined in my darkest nightmares. But still, here I sit, writing to you to report about the guilt that I have loaded upon me. I…”
The quill on the parchment came to a sudden stop as a single drop of water blocked its way. Unable to continue writing Twilight Sparkle stared into tear that had found its way from her eye, across the short, lavender coat of her cheek until it eventually had dropped down onto the parchment in front of her.
Deep down into the reflection she stared. At first only seeing the faint, purple glow of her magic that held the quill, and the flame of the kindle that stood beside her, spending her dim light in this dark and cold that was otherwise only illuminated by the pale moonlight.
After some while another image appeared in the reflection of the tear; her own. Her violet eyes were bloodshot and dark rings had formed underneath them. Her usually kempt mane was ruffled with single streaks standing off into every direction, while the coat around her cheeks was wetted by tears just like the one she was staring at, only that their path had ended sooner.
What had she become? She could barely recognize herself and yet she could not avert her eyes. After all she could not deny that her appearance reflected just how she felt on the inside. She couldn’t get around to think how it had come this far. Even though the thoughts were grim, ridden with pain and sorrow that created an uneasy feeling in her stomach, they were floating through her head almost all day long. Almost all day…
It was strange to think that it should have only been a day. One day that had turned the deepest core of her existence upside down. Oh, how unworried had she been just yesterday, when she and her friends and relaxed at one of the lakes a bit outside of Ponyville. Unburdened she had watched Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie frolicking around in the shallow water, while Rarity, Fluttershy and her had chattered about the new summer collection that their designer friend had made. The joyful cheers of her friends still stood so clear in her memory and had managed to bring a warm and content smile on Twilight’s lips, while now they elicited not a single emotion of happiness, only grief about the past.
Could it ever be like it once was? Twilight did not know, but she was fearing for the worst. Wistfully she looked back at the parchment in front of her. Her duty was clear. She had to stand to her mistake and that meant the she had to report herself to Princess Celestia. There was no point in trying to cover it, the damage was done and the wounds of the victim would always show her gruesome deed.
The whole day she struggled with that already, trying to fix things, but deep down she knew that it was long over already, but she could not, or did not want to admit it. Some things just could not be fixed.
But every time that her quill dived down into the ink and began to form the words that would capture her guilt and confession on the parchment, she just was not able to write a complete letter. Overwhelmed by emotions she stopped every time, concentrated again, only to throw what she had just written overboard. She just could not find the right words to describe what has happened, multiple crumbled-up parchments around her were showing that.
“Easy, Twilight. You can do this,” the young mare said to herself and took a few deep breaths, trying to slow down her heavily pumping heart a bit. And indeed she managed to calm herself down. One last time she took a deep breath before she took the quill, which she had dropped down in the meantime where it had created an unsightly ink spot on the parchment, back into her magic and levitated a new scroll over from the desk.
“Dear Princess Celestia…”
But this was all she got this time. She just could not wrap her head around the words that would describe her actions and her feelings. She was not even sure whether to write an emotionless report or appeal to her mentor’s feelings. None of the options seemed very attractive to her, so she put the quill down again.
She took another deep breath and tried to concentrate again, but her thoughts were still scattered. Filled with sorrow and fragments of the events of the past few hours, she did not manage to direct them onto one clear thought. As soon she had an idea she heard the outcry of thousands of other train of thoughts which demanded her attention. It was all for nothing and Twilight just had to express her dismay out loud by pressing out a loud groan before she rested her head on her forehooves, giving herself over to all the thoughts that called for her, hoping that they would finally leave her alone as soon as she had taken care of all of them.
“Twilight?” The voice sounded weak, timid at least and was joined by the sound of creaking wood. “Is everything alright?” the voice asked again, this time louder. At first she had believed it to be just another thought, but then she realized that it was none of the voices in her head that called her, but someone from the other side of the room. She perked up and her head jerked around to the source of the sound.
Quickly she wiped with a hoof over her eyes, where the tears had gathered again and were now obstructing her view, and spotted a small, purple lizard creature who stood in the door. “Spike?” Twilight asked carefully.
“Why is it so dark in here?” Spike asked and flipped the light switch at the wall next to him. The magical lamp at the ceiling began to glow up and bathed the room in a bright light. “Ah, better.” Twilight, blinded by the sudden bright light, had to hold a hoof in front of her face until her eyes had adjusted to the new brightness. “What is going on here?” Spike sounded confused. He must have seen the countless attempts of her letters all over the floor. “Twilight, are you okay?”
Slowly Twilight took the hoof away from her face and just stared at Spike, who now got a clear look on her for the first time. Horrified the little dragon ran over to her as soon as he saw the state she was in. “Twilight!” he shouted and put a hand on her shoulder. “What happened with you? You look horrible!”
But Twilight could only avert her eyes. She did not deserve his sympathy. She had destroyed so much, how could anyone think positively of her now? No, that would be impossible. But so far Spike was not aware of her acts. She had managed to kept it secret for so long, but that would change shortly as she was about to confess her crimes. And then empathy would turn into disgust, she knew that, and also that it would be just. The next thing that Twilight felt was a claw at her cheek that carefully turned her head back into its original position, making her stare directly in the worried, grass green eyes of her assistant. “You can tell me, Twi. It can’t be that bad, or?”
“Not that bad?” she suddenly snapped at him and pushed him away with a hoof. “Not that bad!?” she repeated and snorted angrily at the shocked little dragon who quickly had taken another step back. “You have not the slightest clue what I have done!”
Spike now stood there completely baffled. This reaction was now. He had seen Twilight upset a few times, but never as furious as she was now. Something truly horrible must have happened. For a moment he thought about telling her friends, maybe even the princess, that had helped the one time where she was so obsessed about sending a letter in time, but a quick glance over the crumbled-up letters around him told him that she had gotten the same idea already.
“I’m sorry, Spike,” the lavender unicorn spoke up again, the scorn in her voice being replaced by regret. “I didn’t mean to shout at you and do even more wrong than I already did.” She looked up at him and slowly rose from her lying position.
“It’s alright, Twilight,” Spike returned and soothingly rose his hands. “But tell me what happened here. You look like you have been crying?”
“What happened? What happ…” Twilight had to pull herself together to keep her voice down. “I’ve done something horrible, Spike.”
“Yes?”
“An unforgivable mistake.”
“Yes?”
“And I can never ever make it right again.”
“Spit it out already,” Spike demanded, slightly annoyed at the antics of the unicorn.
Twilight sighed and took another deep breath. Mentally she had prepared herself to tell it the princess via mail, so she should have been able to tell it to him in person, even though that would meant that she would immediately and directly feel his disgust. But sooner or later it would come to that anyway; it was pointless to stall the inevitable.
Twilight gulped hard, her throat feeling constricted, before she began to tell, “It all began harmlessly. You remember the book delivery that I have gotten from the Canterlot archives this morning?” Spike nodded. It was hard to block out the whoops of joy and excited trampling of hooves on wood while he was comfortably lying in his small bed and trying to sleep. Twilight sniveled before she continued, “Among them were unique pieces that required months of bureaucratic procedures to get. More than once Princess Celestia had to put in a good word for me.” Spike just continued to nod. “One of these books was about experimental spells that were never finalized. A book that has gone through countless hooves and is only entrusted the most potent unicorns of the time so that they can finish the work of their predecessors or add their own.” Twilight let her wings flap once. “I have been very sure lately that I could tackle one or two of these problems, and Princess Celestia agreed as well.” Now it was Spike’s turn to gulp. Slowly an idea of what could have happened began to rise in him, but he did not want to interrupt Twilight now. “A certain spell caught my curiosity. Group teleportation.” Twilight let the word stand in the room for a moment. “Normal teleportation is hard enough as it is, and is only being taught to skilled unicorns. And that for a good reason. You know how big the dangers are.” Spike remembered very well how panicked Twilight had been during the time where she had been practicing for her teleportation exam. The books had been giving surprisingly graphic descriptions of what could happen with unwary use of this magic. Even now it still send a shiver down his spine.
“And then?” Spike asked after Twilight had made a longer pause, taking deep breaths again.
“The spell that I found sounded simple, it was barely different to how I was doing it already but it should allow on groups of five and even more ponies to be teleported, depending on the strength of the caster. I was certain that I would get it right.” Twilight stopped again and gulped hard as the tears had formed in the corners of eyes again. “B-but then everything went wrong,” she continued stutteringly. “I-i… I…” She started her sentence over and over again, but nothing more than the first syllable managed to escape her trembling lips and her eyes turned back towards the ground, the first tears rolling over her cheek again while she sat down on the floor.
But that was enough for Spike for now, he could figure out the rest. Twilight must have tried out the spell, but it had failed. The fact alone that she was standing here intact was a huge relief, showing that it didn’t end in a complete disaster, but how knows what else went wrong. It almost turned his stomach as the descriptions of failed teleportations were now returning to his memories. No wonder Twilight was in a complete turmoil.
Now it was his turn to take a deep breath. He had to be there for her in this situation, and that meant to get every help he could. Contacting the princess seemed to be the best first step, but first of all he had to calm Twilight. Carefully he placed a hand on her back, softly pulling her towards him. Twilight seemed to welcome the gesture and thankfully rested her head on his shoulder, while he stroke through her mane with his other hand, trying to get it at least a bit back into form.
Spike did not know how long they remained in this position, but he did not care in that moment. Twilight needed help, and he was here for her. Gently holding her trembling body while she just let the tears roll. After a last sniffling, Twilight slowly pulled back and wiped the remaining tears with a hoof from her face.
“What exactly has happened?” Spike asked quietly. He knew that it would be hard for her, but he needed to know how big the damage was when he informed the others.
Twilight remained silent for a moment, the faint smile that had crept on her lips a moment ago vanished. “I-i had memorized the spell and wanted to look for any of my friends to ask if they would be willing to help me.” Spike gulped hard again. He had to mentally prepare for the news, but he did not know how. “But then everything went so fast and I ruined it all.” It followed one last pause before Twilight finally finished her story. “I was about to leave, but as I was standing up I spilled the glass of lemonade that I was drinking all over the book!” She shouted at the last part before burying her face in her hooves again.
Spike blinked. He blinked again. What did she just say? “Uh, Twilight?” he asked slowly.
Twilight snivelled again before shouting, “And the worst thing is that all the other books that I had stacked next to it had gotten wet as well! I am sorry, so dreadfully sorry! I have tried everything to clean them! Everything, Spike! But I couldn’t! I just couldn’t…” Her voice died for a moment and Spike still stared at her in disbelief. “Every book that I ever had rented, I have always returned in absolutely pristine shape, and now that I have been holding the probably rarest and most valuable books in all of Equestria in my hooves I have failed. I have ruined them. Ruined, Spike!” She grabbed the dragon by the shoulders and shook him. “Of course I tried to fix it. Have tried out every spell that I knew, but it was to no avail. The lemonade was too sweet and now the irreplaceable pages of these masterpieces are sticking together.”
Slowly Spike awoke from the rigidity he had fallen into. “Are you telling me that all this fuss was just about some dirty books?”
“JUST SOME DIRTY BOOKS!?” Twilight yelled at him, her face standing directly at his, while she stared at him with wide open eyes. “Do you even have any idea how valuable these books were? How hard it was to get them? What will happen now? Nopony with their mind in their right place will ever borrow me a book again! My reputation is ruined! Ruined!” Spike opened his mouth to say something, but Twilight just continued talking. “And even if it wouldn’t have happened to these books, it would barely be any less horrible. My entire life books have been my best friends, and now I have betrayed them so much with my careless actions. I… I don’t even deserve to live in a library anymore! I will move out. Tomorrow morning, I promise!” Panicked Twilight began to run through the room. “I have to pack now.”
“Twilight, snap out of it!” Spike shouted after her and the unicorn stopped dead in her tracks. “Don’t you think that you’re just overreacting a bit?”
“What?” Twilight returned indignantly. “When did I ever overreact?” Spike didn’t even bother to reply to that and continued to stand there with crossed arms. “And this is the only logical solution, don’t you understand?”
Spike shook his head. “Now calm down first. That were just some books. Do you know how worried I was? I thought you had tried out the teleportation spell and it… well, went wrong.”
“What!? That would be horrible! How did you get such an idea?” Twilight shook her head. “But that is not important. I have thought about it for a long time and I know that it has to be this time. Before I go however I have to report to Princess Celestia.” Panic began to fill her voice and her eyes returned to the writing utensils.
“Well, let’s see if the princess comes to the same conclusion,” Spike commented, the sarcasm in his voice going completely over Twilight’s head. “She will just repair the books, no big deal.”
“Haven’t you listened to me?” Twilight asked indignantly. “It is impossible!” she said slowly and clear. “When I began my studies, Princess Celestia has told me many times that you just cannot restore a book that easily. For that you would to have the absolute knowledge of everything that has been written in it. Why do you think I have always been so careful?” Spike wanted to reply, but held himself back in the last moment to not accidentally blunder it out now. “I have disappointed her like never before, so I do not know how she will react,” Twilight added broken and stood with low hanging head in the room. “I just hope she may forgive me one day.”
“Uh huh,” Spike just said and picked up one of the letters Twilight had been writing and quickly skimmed over the lines on the parchment while shaking his head. “You know, I think I’ll write the letter for you.” Twilight looked at him irritated. “Well, you’re busy packing, aren’t you?”
“Of course. Thank you so much, Spike! You really are the best assistant and friend anypony could wish for! Even now that you can only be disgusted of me and my actions you still want to help me.” Spike nodded casually and picked up a new scroll from the desk. “And please attach this to my letter,” Twilight announced with trembling voice as she levitated a small card over to him. “This is my Canterlot library card. It will be taken from me anyway, this way I can save at least a bit of troubles,” Twilight explained and sighed, a single tear running down her cheek again.
Spike grabbed the card out of the air and spotted a picture of a unicorn filly that grinned from ear to ear. He could only shake his head as he scribbled a few lines on the parchment and at the same time watched Twilight wandering through her room, occasionally picking up an item and levitating it up on her bed. If it would not be so late, and Twilight so stubborn, he would try to calm her down. But he was planning on getting at least a bit of sleep tonight.
Quickly he skimmed over the lines that he had written and sent the letter on its way with his dragonfire. The library card he kept. Now he could only hope that Princess Celestia would reply quickly. For him it was by far not the first time that he had accidentally ruined a book, and the princess knew the right spell for just about every situation. Once she even restored a burnt book that he accidentally dropped into the fire, a bit of lemonade shouldn’t be a problem there.
As much as he would have liked to tell this to Twilight, he would fear the wrath of the unicorn that would soon enough follow as soon as she realized what this all meant. Not only would he unwillingly have to admit the destruction of at least one book, but also that he had kept this a secret to her for so long. Although that was Princess Celestia’s fault. When he came to her the first time he spoiled a book he had to make a promise to her to never tell Twilight about it. At first this little lie had only been introduced so that Twilight learned to always treat books with care, but soon enough she had found so much amusement in the unicorn’s interaction with the written word that she just could not tell her the truth.
In this moment Spike could bet that a certain alicorn was sitting with a little smile over a just sent letter. He could only hope that this reaction would make the princess tell Twilight the truth, and also that her response would be quick. Nevertheless he made his way down into the basement. Everywhere he would find more sleep than in the same room as an overreaction Twilight Sparkle.
Author's Note
I've written this story a while ago, and since I couldn't really find the time to write anything for my other story I just translated it quickly. It hast not yet been proofread, but I just wanted to give you something to read in the meantime. I know I'm not updating nearly as fast as I want to.
