So a changeling walks behind a bar...
It all began during a sunny and bright morning, over at a quiet little library. Inside that library was a well-known and well-liked alicorn named Princess Twilight Sparkle (though she preferred just Twilight or even Twi by her closest friends). Twilight was reading her book when she heard screaming coming from outside.
"TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!"
The purple librarian groaned as her concentration diminished from the book she was reading. "Lyra...what now?" she asked herself. Slightly agitated, but still trying to be cheery, Twilight eyed the door across from her and opened it, meeting eye-to-eye with her friends Lyra and Bon Bon. Well, they haven't interacted much to be honest, so acquaintances would be a better term. "Oh, hello! What brings you here-"
"TWILIGHTTHERE'SMORETHANONEOFME!"
Twilight jumped at Lyra's outburst. "Excuse me?"
Trying to calm herself, Lyra tried breathing deeper and slower. "There's, like, a clone of me in Ponyville!"
Looking unsure, Twilight asked, "Are you sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you? You are known to jump to conclusions rather quickly, no offense."
Surprisingly, Bon Bon stepped in and added, "Twilight, I saw it, too! It looked completely like her, right down to the cutie mark!"
Twilight studied the two mare's expressions and noticed that they were extremely worried. She decided to extinguish their fears by saying, "It's okay, you two. I'll have this taken care of."
Lyra and Bon Bon let out a sigh of relief as they started to smile again. "Thanks, Twilight! You're a real pal!" said Lyra.
"It's no trouble!" Twilight spoke with confidence. "I'm going to talk with my assistant to discuss our plan of action."
"Thank you, Princess Twilight," said Bon Bon and she bowed to her.
Twilight, feeling a bit uncomfortable with her formality, insisted that she didn't have to bow to her. She then bid them farewell and closed the door behind them. As it shut, she let out all of her breath and started breathing heavily in quick, short bursts. "SPIKE, IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"
Spike walked downstairs and rubbed his eyes. After letting out a yawn, he asked drowsily, "What is it, Twi...?"
"Chrysalis is back!"
Spike did a double-take and immediately broke out of his somewhat sleepy state. "What? She is?!"
"Well...maybe! I'm not sure because there may or may not be a changeling lurking around Ponyville!"
"Twilight..."
"Spike, get the others! If there's a changeling around, we need to make sure we get information out of it!"
Spike sighed, knowing that he couldn't change Twilight's mind. "Alright."
"I'll stay here and study more about changelings' weaknesses. You tell Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow, and Applejack to meet here as soon as possible!"
"Right!" Spike confirmed with a salute as he set off to find the others.
As several minutes passed, Twilight heard the door open behind her. She glanced over toward it and saw her trusty and loyal friends entering the library. Together, they made up the Elements of Harmony, which I'm sure you know of fairly well. "Hey, Twi!" greeted Rainbow Dash.
"It is good to see you, Twilight, but why did you want us to come here on such a short notice?" inquired Rarity.
Twilight sighed and closed her book. She stood up and walked towards her companions. "Girls, we have a serious problem. I just got word from Lyra saying that she saw a pony that looked like her. An exact clone."
Pinkie gasped loudly and deeply. She then added, "Wait, what does that mean?"
"It means that there's a possibility that Chrysalis could be rebuilding an army!"
This time, everypony gasped. Pinkie added once more, "And that means...?"
"That she could take over Ponyville! Maybe even Equestria once she gets strong enough!"
"So, what do ya reckon we do, Twilight?" asked Applejack.
"I've decided that we need to first find this changeling and then capture it. If we can interrogate it, then we could know more about Chrysalis' plan."
"W-Wait!" Fluttershy squeaked out. All eyes were on her as she asked with a soft voice, "W-We're not gonna h-hurt it, are we?"
Twilight sighed, remembering Fluttershy's passion for animals. "We'll see. Right now, we need to find this changeling and fast before it escapes!"
"Wait, how are we gonna find it? It's gonna most likely be disguised, and we can't test everypony if they're a changeling or not!"
"Don't worry, I know a spell that'll let us see past a changeling's disguise," Twilight reassured her. She focus her horn as a purple stream of pure magic surrounded the room. It soon faded as the six heroes' eyes glowed green for a split second.
"Wow! That felt weird!" Pinkie giggled.
"Alright! Let's do this!" Dash exclaimed enthusiastically. "I'll check for any changelings from an aerial view!"
After Dash flew out of the library, Twilight continued her plan to find the shifty, little bug. "The rest of you girls split up. If you find him, don't try to catch him alone! Remember, one pony can't capture a changeling alo-"
Before she could continue, she was interrupted by a WHOOSH! She turned around quickly in confusion and saw Rainbow chasing a pony on hoof. As Twilight looked at the pony in question, she saw that it had a black outline over it that resembled a black, pony-sized bug.
"OOH! OOH! TWILIGHT, I THINK I FOUND IT!" Pinkie announced.
"There's our varmint!" exclaimed Applejack as she sped towards the changeling with a determined look on her face.
The others chased him, Twilight lagging behind due to the unbelievability of finding it so fast. "Why are you ponies chasing me?!" yelled the changeling with Berry Punch's voice.
"Save it, bug-brain!" Rainbow Dash insulted as they got closer and closer to catching the changeling. Suddenly, the changeling made a sharp right turn, causing the other ponies to stall a bit before following him again. For some reason or another, the changeling was headed towards the town bar, The Broken Saddle.
"Why on earth is it heading to that pub?" Twilight asked. The changeling quickly made another sharp turn around the bar instead of entering it, throwing the others off. Before they could recover, the changeling was already on the other side of the building. Not wasting any time, Dash quickly flew up over the bar and tried to catch the changeling from the front, but he was gone.
"What the hay?!" Dash cursed agitatedly. The other ponies caught up to her and started to looking around.
"Wh-Where'd it go?" asked Fluttershy.
"I-I'm not sure...he couldn't have just disappeared!" Twilight said with panic.
"Ooh! Maybe there's a secret entrance somewhere here!" suggested Pinkie.
Twilight sighed and responded, "I don't think so, Pinkie."
Ignoring her friend's input, Pinkie opened up one of the trashcan lids and looked inside. "Hello? Anypony in here?"
Twilight just rolled her eyes and then closed them, putting a hoof to her head. "Okay, Twilight. Think to where he could be. Well, it's no coincidence that he decided to turn towards the pub, knowing that the Everfree is full of twists and turns to get lost in. So, maybe this bar is the key to..." She trailed off as she suddenly started to feel a bit woozy. "Ooh, any of you girls feel sick s-sudden-" She stopped and noticed that the rest of her friends had passed out. And soon, she too had joined them in deep, dark slumber.
"Ugh...ow..." Twilight's senses started returning to her as she met with a cold, metal floor. She tried to get up and stretch her muscles, but she felt her appendages being restrained by something. She opened her eyes slowly as she met with absolute darkness. "H-Hello?" she called out, trying to sit up. Her voice echoed throughout the room as she heard somepony respond to her.
"Twahlight? Is that you?" asked a familiar sounding pony with a southern draw.
"Yeah, that you Applejack?"
"Yep, anypony else in here?"
"Yo, I'm in here, too!"
"I'm in quite the same predicament as well..."
"Wait, girls...WHERE'S PINKIE?!" Everypony stopped with a slight pause as the voice giggled, "Oh wait...I'M Pinkie!"
"Pinkie, this is serious!" Twilight stated. "We don't know where we are and who brought us here and...wait...where's Fluttershy?"
A whimper and quiet sob answered her question. "Now, sugarcube, everything's going to be fine. Ah promise! Nopony's gonna hurt ya or nothin'!"
The sobbing didn't cease, but only lessened. "O...Okay..."
"Shh! Wait, I hear something!" said Dash.
The mares quickly stopped talking as they started to listen in onto what Dash was hearing. Surprisingly, it sounded like there was a conversation going on from outside of this room between two stallions.
"Okay, I'm going to wipe their memories now."
"Did you tie them up?!"
"What, do you think I'm an idiot? Of course I tied them up!"
Suddenly, there was a ray of light coming from in front of the six. All of them flinched at the sudden incoming barrage of illumination as their eyes focused. They now could see that they were bound up by rope around their legs and laying in a rather large, empty room. They could see something walking in, but still couldn't make out who or what it was. The figure soon came into focus, revealing that it was a changeling wearing some gray box-shaped object around his back like a saddle.
The other voice then shouted from outside the room. "Did you remember to put on the magic-nullifying rings?!"
The changeling looked back and asked, "The what?"
"The rings that you put on the unicorns' horns to stop them from casting spells!"
"Oh nah, I forgot," the changeling swore, still not noticing the tied-up mares. Twilight used this opportunity to summon a spell and blast it at the changeling. "I'll put them on right-OOF!"
The changeling was knocked back and let out a groan of pain, allowing the room to be freely exited. Getting a better view of the room outside, Twilight could see that it looked very dull and gray, with a few empty tables on them. Twilight quickly cast another spell to untie herself and the other five as she quickly stood up. "Okay, gals! Let's go!" she exclaimed like a battle-cry. The six mares charged out of the room and towards the changeling who was still dazed from the magical bolt of energy.
The changeling shook his head and gazed at the six ponies who threatened him with magic and hard-as-bricks hooves. He quickly got to his hole-enveloped hooves as he pleaded, "Wait! Wait! I'm not gonna hurt any of you!"
"Ya just said y'all were gonna erase our memories!" argued Applejack.
"I meant the last two or three hours of your memories! Before you started chasing me and all that crap!"
"Oh, because you want us to forget about finding out about Chrysalis' plan to take over Equestria?"
"No! I...wait, what?"
The argument was cut short however, as a new voice was heard from behind the ponies. "Counter, the memory-erasing process is good to..." the voice trailed off. The six of them turned around abruptly as they noticed that a grayish-white griffin was standing there through a doorway, startled by the six ponies confronting the changeling. The griffon tilted his head towards the changeling and asked, "You didn't put the rings on, did you?"
"Oh, screw your rings," replied the changeling.
"Wait...sir, are you working with this changeling?" asked Twilight inquisitively.
"Excuse me?"
"They think I'm working for Chrysalis or something."
"Oh. If that's what you're wondering, then no. He's not working for her."
"I asked if you were working with this changeling," repeated the alicorn.
"Well...technically, yes...but-" All horns and hooves were directed towards him. "Wait! We're not affiliated with any evil overlords!"
"We work for Celestia!" blurted out the changeling.
"He's definitely lyin', Twi!" said Applejack.
"I'm not! Do a lie-detector test or whatever! I swear I'm telling the truth!"
"Don't do it! It's not worth it!" argued Dash.
"Okay, now everypony calm down and stop talking, please!" ordered Twilight, almost to a point of yelling. When she realized everypony had gone silent, she continued, "Now, I will give this changeling a lie-detector test because we need proof to convict him for terrorism. Once we get the proof we need, we'll have them arrested and then try to get any information out of them we can. Everypony understand?" The other five mares nodded in agreement. "Okay. Here goes nothing." Twilight's horn flashed rapidly from red to green in quick succession as she pointed it towards the changeling. A few seconds passed before her horn flickered slower and slower until it glowed a bright green. "...Green. He's telling the truth..."
Everypony gasped, save for the changeling and the griffon. "He can't be! That no-good ugly critter HAS ta be lyin'!" protested Applejack.
"Hey! I'm still here! Still have feelings and whatnot!" piped up the changeling.
Twilight ignored the changeling and said, "He's not lying. I casted the spell correctly and there seems to be no trace of lying in his statement."
"Wait, what if the spell only works on ponies?" asked Pinkie.
"It doesn't, Pinkie. It's a spell that works universally with all species."
"So you're saying this...thing...works for Celestia?"
"If by thing you mean extremely handsome stud, then you are correct, miss!"
The griffon simply rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself."
Twilight remembered the griffon was still standing there and turned to him. "And what do you have to do with this whole situation, anyway?"
The griffon sighed and told her, "I will explain everything to you once I get Sharp's permission. He should be coming back any minute now."
"Sharp? Who's that?"
"Our leader," answered the changeling. "Basically a team captain of sorts."
"Team captain? So he is the boss to you two, I presume?"
"Technically, no. We're all on the same level of importance you could say, so nopony has control over the other."
The changeling added, "We just call him the team captain 'cause he's got a good aim and can handle the plans well."
"Wait a sec, what plans?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"As I already stated, I will tell you once we get permission from Sharp."
"You're gonna tell us right now!" demanded Applejack, raising up a hoof and ready to strike.
"Y-Yeah. If...that's okay with you," pleaded Fluttershy.
"C'mon, Gear! I don't want my brain to be bucked out of my skull!" said the changeling with a bit of fear in his voice.
"Well then, y'all better tell us what your 'plans' are!"
Before the anyone could say anything else, the sound of hoofsteps was heard from behind them. Startled by the noise, the six of them turned around and saw a green stallion with a brown mane enter the room. Almost immediately, Twilight aimed her horn at him as he stopped dead in his tracks, completely startled. He looked towards the griffon and the changeling as his tone deadpanned a bit. "I gave you two one job." The changeling rubbed the back of his head guiltily as the griffon just looked away without a word.
"I'm assuming you're Sharp?" asked Twilight.
The pony stood silent for a bit before sighing. "Yes, I am. And I'm sure you want an explanation for all this."
The explanation for all this
"Alright, are you comfortable?" asked the relaxed green stallion as he lounged in his old, deteriorating recliner.
"...Well..." responded Twilight as she sat in a rusty metal chair. Earlier, when Sharp asked if they could move the conversation to somewhere more comfortable, she expected them to actually move somewhere...well, comfortable. The chair felt agonizingly cold under his rump and the coldness of the metal touching her wings made her cringe uneasily. She wished that she had chosen the warm recliner, despite its deprecated state. The rest of the room looked decent, however. The walls were a beautiful shade of maroon that gave off a sense that she was in the library of a classy millionaire. However, that feeling ended when she noticed that the paint on one of the walls had obvious faded spots, as if a painting or something else once hung upon it. The floor was lined with a dark brown carpeting and helped compliment the room despite its obvious flaws.
"To restate the question, are you as comfortable as possible right now?" inquired Sharp.
"To be perfectly honest, I'd rather be in your position," replied Twilight.
Sharp chuckled to himself. "I suppose that's only fair." He sat up in his recliner and stood on his hooves as Twilight got up from her seat. They switched places as Sharp sat down on the cold, icy metal, flinching at the contact. Twilight laid down into the seat of the recliner, shifting her wings against the backrest, taking in all the cozy heat emitting off of it. She took notice of Sharp's face as he sat down in the chair. He still had that same relaxed smile as he did when he was on the lounger, only it was diminished a bit by the hellish agony of a cold, metal folding chair. The smile may have tried to look as if he were trusting, but in reality it only made Twilight want to buck him in the face.
"So, tell me your little 'explanation' that you've cooked up just now..."
Sharp rolled his eyes at Twilight's assumption that he was lying. He saw her horn flash between red and green, most likely as a way to separate the facts from the fibs. "Alright, I'll tell you, your highness," he responded, acknowledging Twilight's royalty in an attempt to be respectful. "But first, I need to ask you a question, if it's alright with you."
She raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What question would that be?"
"Why do you think that there's so many disasters happening in Ponyville and so little happening in Canterlot or Manehattan or any other town?"
Twilight thought for a minute before answering. "Well, Canterlot is the residence of Princess Celestia, so it's only fair that little crime would take place there. As for Manehattan and other towns or cities, I assumed that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna both together created harmony throughout the land at the beginning of their rule and that it's still present to this day."
Sharp chuckled a bit at her response. "Well, not exactly. You see, after Luna was banished to the moon, Celestia had a harder time keeping everything in order. She only had enough power alone to keep a single city in check, which she tried to mainly focus Canterlot, which made sense because that's where her royal throne was located."
Twilight expected her horn to flash red at any moment now, but instead it emitted a green light. A bit shocked by this, Twilight motioned him to continue. "Anyway, she knew she needed some extra help to try to govern the rest of Equestria, so she tried hiring some paid soldiers to assist her. This group of ponies were simply known as Celestia's Army. The army grew in size and went over many different changes as technology improved, and today they are known as Celestia's Secret Service, or CSS for short."
Twilight's horn still stayed a bright green, making Twilight even more stunned than she was before. She tried to say or ask something, but Sharp continued before she could get a word in. "Basically, every pony enrolled in Celestia's Secret Service is assigned with their own town. They then move into the town to live in their designated headquarters set up somewhere secluded, most likely underground as we are right now."
"Wait, we're underground? Where's the entrance then?" asked Twilight.
"Trust me, you don't want to know..." answered Sharp, looking away from Twilight's gaze and cringing a bit. "A-Anyway, usually around 50 ponies run the large cities, 30 to 40 for medium-sized towns, and around 20 for smaller villages."
"So that means there's more ponies working here in Ponyville?"
"Well...no." Sharp's continuous smile faded a bit as he continued. "There's only Gear, Counter, and me. You see, when Princess Luna came back to assist Celestia on the throne, they didn't need CSS as much as before. They decided to cut funding for the program by quite a bit, causing some soldiers to either move to Canterlot to work as a royal guard or to move somewhere else to find a different job. There are still quite a few, just not as much as before. That kinda lost us a few mates, but not much. However, when you had officially settled into Ponyville, Celestia decided that Ponyville was safe enough because you had the Elements of Harmony on your side. All but three left to help govern another city or town. I'll give you a guess to who those three were."
"So, you three stayed here in Ponyville and got your pay cut as well?"
Sharp nodded. "Yep. This used to be a much nicer room. Had a television so that we could watch sports in the best quality possible. We sold it because we needed the money to pay for the damage cause by an incident that happened with one of Gear's...experiments you could say."
"I'm assuming Gear is the griffin, correct?"
"Yeah. Real intelligent and all that. He's in charge of our security system, our electrical power, pretty much everything technological here. He's also a very nice and happy guy. I hardly ever see him sad." He smiled a bit before adding, "He really does make things a little better here with his attitude."
"I see. And...the changeling?" she asked, pausing for a second.
"Counter Feit. Best word to describe him is a smartass. But he is very useful on missions that require stealth."
"Well, he wasn't really that 'stealthy' when we found him messing around town disguised as the same pony as someone else."
Sharp shrugged. "He usually gets drunk from the bar across the street and comes back the next day from Celestia knows where. Probably too hungover to get into character," he snickered, unable to keep a straight face.
Twilight's horn remained green as she raised an eyebrow. "The bar that he hid behind when we caught up to him?"
"Well, technically no...the old owners of the tavern he led to was part of the CSS themselves. Our headquarters resided under the bar and was used as a cover. After Celestia cut our pay, however, they segregated along with everypony else and set up a new location there. I guess they didn't want to be affiliated with the service anymore. Right now, the place is owned under one of Counter's aliases so nopony else would buy it. He put a sign up on the front door saying that the place was under 'heavy renovations' a year ago. Still hasn't done anything to it," he said with a chuckle.
"So, let me get this straight. We are currently under a deserted bar with a pony, a griffin, and a changeling who happen to work under Celestia's reign?"
"Well, that's short and obviously less boring version, but yes," Sharp answered.
Twilight's horn remained green as she sighed and rubbed her temples in circles. "Does Counter have any drinks on him?"
At the main room, Counter and Gear still had their respective arms up. Counter's arms were getting a bit tired as well as his back hooves, both due to the fact he wasn't used to standing on only two hooves and also because, to be honest, he wasn't as physically fit as most ponies.
"Um...I have an itch on my nose..." Counter said.
"Yer not moving a muscle!" threatened the orange pony.
"...Please? It's irritating."
"YOU'RE irritating!" retaliated the blue pegasus, holding up her hoof to receive a high-hoof from the pink pony with the poofy mane.
Counter rolled his eyes at the pegasus's rather lame insult. "Oh, what a GREAT comeback, you multicolored freak."
Her blue face almost immediately changed to a shade of red anger. "What did you call me?!"
Counter snickered and added, "Hey, does the drapes match the carpet?"
Furiously, she darted at him, only to be held back by her friends. "Rainbow, calm down! You know he's not worth it!" the white unicorn said, trying to calm her down.
"Lemme at him! Lemme at him!" squawked the salty pegasus.
Satisfied with his work, Counter folded his arms and snickered, only to receive a disapproving glare from his coworker. "Ms. Dash, I apologize for the immature nature of my friend. He doesn't mean it."
"Yeah, I'm only poking fun at ya," Counter said with a slight smirk. "I actually would be much more cheery if I didn't have five ponies holding me hostage."
"We're not dumb, yer just gonna attack us the minute our back is turned!" Applejack retorted.
"Yeah, so don't even think about disguising your way out of this one, bug-boy!" added Rainbow, still miffed from the earlier wisecrack.
Counter sighed as his smirk disappeared. "Listen, first off, I have a name. It's Counter. Thanks for asking for it. Second, I already stated before that we work for Celestia. The lie detector test proved it. We aren't going to hurt you, we aren't going to kill you. What more proof do you need?"
"Um...girls?" Fluttershy let out, trying to be assertive. "I-I believe Counter's telling the truth."
"WHAT?" all of her friends let out.
"Have you gone insane in the membrane, Fluttershy?!" asked Pinkie.
"N-No, Pinkie. I really do believe he's telling the honest truth."
Pinkie thought for a bit before gasping. "Oh my gosh, I THINK THE CHANGELING BRAINWASHED HER!"
Counter sighed and put a hoof to his face. "Changelings don't have brainwashing capabilities..." he declared.
"THAT'S SOMETHING A PONY WHO JUST BRAINWASHED MY BEST FRIEND WOULD SAY!"
"Pinkie, please listen to me!" Fluttershy said, her tone becoming more confident. Pinkie looked at her as Fluttershy continued. "Everyone, I truly believe that Counter is not going to hurt us. He doesn't seem like he would turn on us like that. Plus, the lie detector test did prove that he's not working with Chrysalis."
"Fluttershy, are ya hearing yerself?" asked Applejack.
"Yes I am, Applejack! I am sure that neither Counter nor his friend will harm us in any way, shape, or form."
"Um...it's Gear," added the griffin. "And she's completely right, we do not intend to hurt any of you."
Everyone went silent for a minute until Rarity spoke up. "If Fluttershy trusts them, I suppose I will too."
Pinkie thought for a moment before speaking as well. "Well if you girls trust them, I do too!"
Rainbow's jaw dropped. "Are you guys seriously siding with them?!"
Applejack looked at Counter and Gear and then looked over at her friends and sighed. "Yes we are. It sounds impossible to believe, but Ah honestly think they're tellin' the truth. Ah think we should give them a chance."
Rainbow's jaw lowered even more, almost to the point of dislocating it. She folded her arms and scoffed. Looking away for a few seconds she finally said, "Fine. I'll believe your little story. But the moment that bug starts bad mouthing me again, I have FULL right to buck his face off."
"Technically Dash, you were the one who insulted him first, so I think he had a perfectly good motive to do so," declared Fluttershy softly. Counter grinned at Rainbow's dismay until Fluttershy looked into his eyes disapprovingly. Not a look that showed that she was angry, just disappointed. "But that still doesn't make it right to fight back with those words."
Counter gulped. Never in his life has he ever met such a sweet, yet intimidating mare. Quietly, he squeaked out a silent, "Yes ma'am."
"Good," she said, smiling at him. She looked over at the rest of her friends, who were quite surprised that she was able to keep the trash talking changeling under control.
"A-Anyway, are you guys not suspicious anymore?" Counter asked.
"Fer now," answered Applejack.
"Good." Counter moved his hoof to his nose to finally get that well-deserved itch. He sniffed and sighed in relief.
Immediately afterwards, the door to the left of them opened. Twilight and Sharp trotted out, both acting more calm and satisfied than when they went in. Everypony turned their heads to them as Gear asked, "Is everything sorted out finally then?"
"Yes, everything is fine now that I've explained the situation," replied Sharp.
"Ah, thank Celestia," said Counter. "So now I guess you fine mares would be leaving now?"
"Oh, quite the contrary, Counter. I still don't know everything about how hard you work, so I'm going to need to keep a close eye on you to make sure you're doing your job correctly and efficiently."
All three mercenaries' smiles dropped almost immediately. "W-What?" Sharp stuttered.
"I need to make sure you three are capable enough to be working for Celestia!" Twilight said. "You know, to make sure whatever pay you have left is worth having."
The room went silent for a few seconds. Nopony said a word until Counter uttered out a single word out loud. "Shit."
