Ah, Sweet, Sweet Chaos!
Nopony appreciates chaos anymore. I mean, what could be more entertaining than replacing somepony's kitchen table with with giant head of cabbage, or replacing the entire water supply with hot sauce? Ooh, the very thought is making me giddy! Ah... But, as I said earlier, nopony has a soft spot for chaos these days.
I remember when I was small. Everything was less civilized, less predictable, less... boring! Everything is boring! I haven't seen a single exploding pie or flying whale made out of aged Gouda in years! When I was young, before all this Princess Celestia keeping order business began, chaos was a part of life! Everywhere you looked, subtle signs of inharmonious glory poked through.
Oh, how I miss those times. But instead, here I am, in a garden, sitting on a pedestal, communicating with you via telepathy. Oh, how boring it is here. All there is to do is watch grass grow, and occasionally corrupt the mind of a passing filly, and drive them into complete madness, but that lost its entertainment value years ago. So many years ago I was imprisoned here. Nearly a thousand, if I recall. In fact, it's been nine hundred and ninety-nine years, eleven months, and twenty-nine days, if memory serves.
Funny, how one thousand seems to be the magic number. One would think that The Glorious Princess Celestia of Equestria would be able to cast a spell that would last more than a thousand meagre years. It seems like every thousand years or so, something rears its ugly head, and tips the delicate balance of peace in Equestria. I'm not going to do that, however; oh no. I won't tip the balance. I'm going to destroy the balance.
You see, balance is stability, and stability directly contradicts chaos, and I simply cannot have that. I've had enough stability. I've sat here idly watching the world go by in utter peace. I spit at the word. Peace. Why does everypony want peace? What good is there to peace? When the world is in peace, everypony goes about their life as normal! Ponies go to work every day, and repeat the process they do every day! The definition of insanity is doing the same action repeatedly, and expecting a different result. Ponies do that every day, and I'm the insane one?
That is the exact reason the world needs chaos! So that every time a pony performs an action, something different happens! They simply won't know what to expect! With chaos, there is no definite answer, so why speculate? The world needs me, to end its insanity. I am the only one capable of taming its madness.
That's why I don't like being called the bad guy. I mean, how can I be the bad guy when I bring such joy to the world? Who wouldn't find pink checkerboard grass joyful? And what's so negative about covering everything in soap? It's about time some of these ponies took a bath anyway.
But, I digress. Sitting here moping isn't going to do anything. And yet, here you stand, in Canterlot Gardens, listening to a statue ramble on about his plans for worldwide chaos. Ask yourself. 'Is big bad old Discord really the crazy one? Can I really call him insane, while I stand here, and listen, while a telepathically communicating statue slowly chips away at my mental stability?'
I mean, to be fair, you are the one listening to a statue for Pete's sake. A statue! What a riot! Ah... perhaps the chaos has already begun... Perhaps I'm not as mad as you'd like to think. Perhaps, a little bit madness was always inside of you, but you never knew it. Oh, you should see the look on your face! It's absolutely priceless! Oh, it's even better than when that Carrot Top pony found out that her house had been replaced with cardboard! Oh, my, listen to me, rambling again...
You're still here? Hmm, to be honest, most ponies would either run away, or break down completely upon hearing a statue of the very essence of disharmony speak to them. Hmm, maybe you're different. Ah, yes. I see it. There's a certain spark in your eye; a certain... uncertainty. You know, you're not as sane as you'd like to think. Nopony is. It's easy to ignore those little voices in your head, and brush them off as irrelevant. but it takes a true visionary to carry them out.
Imagine what the world would be like if everypony acted on instinct, the first thought that came to their head. Oh, it would be just oodles of fun! But unfortunately, all this... peace, keeps them from being their true selves. You see, madness resides at the deepest, darkest corner of everypony's mind. There isn't a single pony who's mind lacks that tiny seed of chaos and madness.
It's funny, though. It's that tiny little voice in the back of your head that makes you who you are. It's that tiny amount of madness that defines your character. Without it, the world would be grey, everypony would be the same, and order would reign supreme. Funny how adamantly ponies claim to resent madness, but also how dependent the world is on it.
Surely I'm not the only one who sees the flaw in virtually all pony logic am I? Has nopony pointed out the very madness in despising madness? One who despises madness, despises all that makes the world what it is, thus plummeting the world into... Madness! It's a paradox, you see!
Take a look around. What do you see? You see shrubs, and grass, and statues, and the occasional other pony. Nothing out of the ordinary, yes? Look deeper. Now what do you see? You see the gardner muttering under his breath, arguing with himself whether to water the south hedges or not. Look again. You see a father with his young son, who's making a scene. Judging by the father's face, he's miserable. You can tell he wears that face often. It must be all the time that his precious little son pushes him to the point of misery, but from the look of it, having the child was voluntary. What could be a better example of madness than voluntarily creating something that makes you miserable?
It is because of this, that I will take it upon myself to rid the world of its insanity.
Funny how chaos is the cure for insanity, isn't it? Go now. Enjoy your final day of peace. Because soon... Oh so very soon... Things will be very different.
