Twilight's Secret Journal

Chapters

Day 0 (First Entry)
Day 2 (Pinkie's Cannon)
Day 7 (...)
Day 10 (Fluttershy Improves)
Day 17 (...)
Day 22 (No Contact)
Day 25 (Fluttershy's Letter)
Day 28 (Fluttershy Returns)
Day 29 (Hay Loft Party)
Day 30 (Bites?)
Day 33 (Fluttershy Meeting)
Day 35 (Rarity's Horn)
Day 38 (Luna's Warning)
Day 39 (The Herd of Four)
Day 40 (Friends Getting Weirder)
Day 40 (Travel to Crystal Empire)
Day 41 (Arrival in Crystal Kingdom)
Day 41 (Meeting Shining and Cadance)
Day 41 (Library and Timeline)
Day 41 (Fluttershy's Wings)
Day 41 (The Nightmare)
Day 41 (Eavesdropping)
Day 42 (Sex Ed. 101)
Day 42 (Research)
Day 42 (Attire)
Day 42 (The Dinner)
Day 42 (Applejack's Problem)
Day 43 (The Confrontation) (...???)
Day ??? (Sweet Apple Acres?)
Day 44 (Ponynapped)
Day 45 (The Barn)
Day 46 (Home)
Day 46 (Reconnaissance)
Day 47 (Family)
Day 43 (The Confrontation) (Restored) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 43 (The Confrontation) (Restored) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 43 (Encampment) (Restored)
Day 4#8 (Return to Ponyville)
Day 4#9 (Catching Up)
Day 49 (An Unexpected Letter)
Day 49 (Pinkie's Secret) (Part 1 of 3)
.Day 49 (Pinkie's Secret) (Part 2 of 3)
.Day 49 (Pinkie's Secret) (Part 3 of 3)
.Day 49 (Zecora Arrives)
.Day 51? (Quick Update)
.Day 51 (The Recovered Dreams) (Part 1 of 2)
.Day 51 (The Recovered Dreams) (Part 2 of 2)
.Day 51 (Spike, Scrolls, Lies, and Other Boners)
.Day 51 (Success!)
.Day 51 (Undercover Plans)
.Day 52 (Lying and Laying) (Part 1 of 2)
.Day 52 (Lying and Laying) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 52 (Project Pink Slip) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 52 (Project Pink Slip) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 53 (Pinkie's Gambit)
Day 53 (Betrayal)
Day 54 (The Clubhouse)
Day 55 (Dream Visitors)
Day 55 (Letters)
Day 55 (Secret Passage)
Day 56 (Rainbat Dash)
Day 56 (The Dance of Love) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 56 (The Dance of Love) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 56 (The Dream Summit) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 56 (The Dream Summit) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 57 (Many Questions; Few Answers)
<<(Glossary of the Order)>>
Day 58 (Strengths and Weaknesses)
Day 58 (Details from Cadance)
Day 58 (Helped in a Flash)
Day 58 (Rarity and Luna)
Day 58 (Fall of the Mayor) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 58 (Fall of the Mayor) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 58 (Luna's Rationale)
Day 58 (Luna's Tale) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 58 (Luna's Tale) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 58 (Midnight Snack) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 58 (Midnight Snack) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 58 (Oneiros Interruptus)
Day 59 (Gilded Baubles)
Day 59 (Gelded Nobles)
Day 59 (I Lose)
Day 59 (The Solution)
Day 59 (Reluctant Celestia)
Day 60 (The Big News)
Day 60 (Enter Applejack) (Part 1 of 2)
Day 60 (Enter Applejack) (Part 2 of 2)
Day 60-61 (Catching the Train)
Day 1 (Discord Leaves)
Day 19 (Fluttershy's Trip)
Day 20 (Missing Apples)
Day 24 (Disaster Averted)
Day 31 (Bites Cured)
Day 43 (Sweet Apple Acres) (Restored)
A recipe card stuck between two entries?

Day 0 (First Entry)

This is the first entry in my new, super-secret journal. I still enjoy writing in the other journal that my friends and I share together, but I thought it might be fun to keep a separate one just for my private observations. I don't really have any big secrets to keep from my friends, but I want to experiment a little. Maybe my writing will be more honest if I know that I don't have to worry about somepony else reading it? Either way, being a princess is kind of a pain (oh good, here comes the honesty) and the crown doesn't exactly bring a lot of privacy with it. It's a heavy burden, or so my sister-in-law Princess Cadance always tells me. Just between you and me, journal, I still have a hard time believing I'm a princess at all. But Cadance says that's normal too, and there are few ponies I would trust more than my new big sister.

Anyway, the neat invention that makes this possible is a new kind of ink I've developed, and I'm quite proud of it. The ink I'm using only shows up under magical light. Of course, if you're reading this, then you probably know this already, unless you're reading from a copied text or something weird. The recipe: quinine, a bit of starch, a few simple solvents, and some additives to make the ink soak fully into the surface of the paper without bleeding through (high-quality ink, in other words). Once I figured out the quinine trick, calibrating the rest was simply trial and error. I'm pretty sure Rainbow Dash would call my magic ink "awesome" or "radical" or maybe even a made up Rainbow Dash word like "radicool" if I showed it to her, but I'll have to keep it a secret for the time being. To everypony else, this is just a tempting book with "PRIVATE: Princess Twilight Says Keep OUT!" written on the front cover, and completely blank pages on the inside. This is just too neat. I love chemistry!

Oh, one more thing. I'm going to date the book using a system that counts the number of days since my friends and I last saved Equestria from the brink of disaster, which seems to happen a lot nowadays. Hopefully that number will just keep on marching upwards, and we'll all get a well-deserved break for a while. Today's entry is marked as day zero, because a dangerous monster named Tirek was banished back to Tartarus just a few hours ago. Discord really did all the work, but Fluttershy helped bring him around, so I say we still get to count this one. Besides, technically Discord is a friend, right? Either way, it's a good thing he was here to help us. I've never seen Princess Celestia so nervous about a threat to Equestria, and she's faced down Chrysalis and King Sombra. I hate to admit it, but I'm not sure what we would have done without his assistance.

Day 2 (Pinkie's Cannon)

Apparently, Pinkie Pie spent several hours checking her party cannon for any defects or problems, just in case that's what Discord was referring to. Pinkie has a tendency to overreact (a lot), but I can't blame her for playing it safe this time. Unfortunately, the Town Square ended up a hot mess of confetti and cake batter. Applejack and I spent most of the afternoon cleaning, and to her credit, Pinkie helped too.

That's really all I have to say today. I'll stop trying to write something in here every single day, but I'll at least try to update it once a week to keep up the habit.

Update for whoever is reading this journal. I need to warn you of something very important, and time is of the essence. Please #### everything except ### # ####### ### ## ### ### ## ######## ###.

N/M, SEE NEXT ENTRY →

Day 7 (...)

Nothing much to report. Fluttershy is still depressed, so we take turns visiting her to cheer her up. Pinkie Pie's been able to get a few laughs out of her, so that's a good sign at least.

Update, again. Sorry about the last page. I didn't want to waste a whole bottle of ink blotting things out, so I only scribbled over some of it. I basically just overreacted. The past few months have been unusual, to put it very mildly, and I jumped to some really crazy conclusions as soon as I figured a way to make this document public. So, don't worry about all that. Just keep reading, and I'm sure you'll enjoy peeking at all of my embarrassing personal thoughts.
(Princess) Twilight Sparkle

Day 10 (Fluttershy Improves)

Sorry, Journal. I'm still trying to force the habit of writing something down weekly.

Fluttershy seems much better. She's out of her cottage now, and she's been spending a lot of time at the orchard. I think that's a great idea for her, really. Sweet Apple Acres has lots of animals, close friends, and less hustle and bustle than Ponyville. Fluttershy is one of the most dependable and caring ponies I've ever met, but we'd all like her to be a little less... fragile. Baby steps.

Aside from that, nothing much has been happening. For the most part, I'm thrilled, but if this keeps up it will make for a boring journal.

Day 17 (...)

Nothing to report.

Day 22 (No Contact)

Pinkie Pie is now officially freaking out about Fluttershy forgetting all about her friends. I think going three whole days is a record for her, so maybe she's mellowing out a bit? Rainbow Dash found a way to distract Pinkie from her thoughts (she didn't say how, but I suspect pranks are involved).

Confidentially, I'm a little worried too. It's not at all like Fluttershy to delay sending mail from her destination. She's always thinking about the feelings of her close friends. I'm sending a letter to Cadance, just to be safe.

Oh, and Applejack did some detective work and discovered that some of her missing apples were eaten by the pigs, but she has no idea how they ended up in their trough. I would record how she figured that out, but, well... it's disgusting. Eww eww ewwwww.

Day 25 (Fluttershy's Letter)

A letter finally arrived from Fluttershy, much to Pinkie Pie's relief (and the rest of us, as well). She said she was having a wonderful time, and apologized that her first letter must have gotten lost in the mail, even though it's obviously not her fault. It is awfully rare for mail to be lost, but accidents can always happen.

Fluttershy should be back to Ponyville in a few days. Big Macintosh seemed relieved when I spoke with him, and the animals were oddly excitable. I guess taking care of them is much harder than it looks.

Day 28 (Fluttershy Returns)

Fluttershy is finally back! We're all so glad to see her. It's almost like she's like a completely different pony: very happy and bubbling with eagerness to talk all about her trip. Rarity demanded Fluttershy accompany her to the Ponyville Spa for immediate gossip, which made me roll my eyes and giggle at the same time.

In lieu of a traditional party, Pinkie Pie and Applejack got together to plan out a surprise country hoedown and hayloft sleepover tonight in Applejack's barn. I certainly didn't see that coming. It should be fun! I'll write about it tomorrow.

Things are finally back to normal. Thank goodness.

Day 29 (Hay Loft Party)

Wow. So much happened last night, I hardly know where to begin.

First off, Applejack taught us all how to square dance and line dance. Of course, Pinkie Pie already knew how. Rainbow Dash picked it up almost immediately (I think she wanted to turn it into a competition), but as for me? I'm still all rear hooves. AJ is just amazing at dancing, though. She's so strong and muscular that I'd never thought of her as being graceful before, but she and Big Macintosh did a paired dance to show off their skills. It's an odd dance style, but wow, they were so smooth and fluid.

Then Fluttershy and Big Mac did a dance together. It was slower and gentler, but nearly as impressive. Fluttershy explained that she'd been taking lessons from Big Mac recently. I thought it was really nice to see them dancing face to face with big smiles, because clearly they're good friends.

So here's the bombshell. Fluttershy has been dating Big Macintosh! As her very special somepony! I really didn't see this coming, but I guess I'm pretty dense at noticing these kinds of things. I figured it out when I saw them briefly kiss, and I got this confused look on my face and everypony looked at me in incredulity, as if to say, how could I possibly not know this by now? Well, at least now I know.

In my defense, Fluttershy has been overly touchy-feely with everypony lately. After we retired up to the loft, she reared up and gave me a nice long hug. Like, a little bit too long, so I was kind of worried, but she wasn't clingy or trembling or anything. She just put her hooves around my back, pulled me close, and whispered what a special friend I am to her, which I'm sure made me blush. I think she was stroking my mane through part of it. Fluttershy is a wonderful friend, but this was kind of weird. I've never known her to invade anyone's personal space before, and I have to admit I felt more than a little uncomfortable. I can give her some leeway, though. She's just happy to be with her friends, and I'm certain she's not over Discord leaving yet.

When we lay down for the evening, Applejack opened the loft to stars and crickets. It's so pretty at night in Sweet Apple Acres, given the lack of light pollution. I need to take my telescope down here sometime and see if it helps. Apple Bloom joined us, and we all curled up in sleeping bags. Big Mac and Fluttershy didn't have a sleeping bag. They just held one another for warmth, which was pretty adorable. I guess it's getting serious between them. Applejack asked them not to roll in the hay while we were sleeping, which made Apple Bloom laugh out loud. I asked what was wrong with the hay, and then everypony laughed, so I laughed too. I still don't get it, but that's okay. I like having flaws. It makes me feel normal.

Day 30 (Bites?)

I noticed a tingling sensation in my rear leg today. At first it looked like I got a couple of bug-bites the night before last at the sleepover party. I looked in a mirror, but they didn't look anything like the bug bites I've seen in medical journals. They almost look like tiny puncture wounds. I walked over to Applejack's farm to ask her about it, just to be on the safe side. It was a little embarrassing since the bites were on my inner thigh, but after a quick inspection, she said I shouldn't worry about them.

"Ain't no critter 'round these parts that can leave a bite like that, so it must be skeeters. You probably itched 'em a bit while you slept, and that agitated 'em open," she said.

I hope I don't seem like a worrywart.

Day 33 (Fluttershy Meeting)

Fluttershy came by for a visit today. She rubbed up against me a few times, cheek to cheek, and got really close to my muzzle and just smiled. I really don't know what her deal is, but I have to have a talk with her if this kind of behavior doesn't stop soon; it's just super-awkward. Anyway, she wanted to know how I was doing. After the weird part, the conversation was something like:

"How are you feeling?" asked Fluttershy, between sips from a cup of white tea. (Spike made us tea. He's so cute in that little apron of his.)

"Oh, I'm fine," I said. "I had some bites on my leg that were bothering me, back from the party I guess. Applejack thought they were mosquito bites but I think they're something else. I wish I had more data on them."

"Oh, my. I certainly hope it doesn't hurt, or anything?"

"Well, they're not painful, just annoying. Fortunately, I found just the spell to fix it. It was supposed to work on magical bites, though, so I think there may be some kind of undiscovered species on Applejack's farm," I said, smiling. If there's anything that would interest Fluttershy, it would be the discovery of a new species of creature, right?

So here's where it gets weird(er). Fluttershy actually seemed disappointed, and I'm sure I read her facial features accurately. After a few moments, her usual smile returned. "That's wonderful. You'll have to let me know when you find the little fellow, or insect, or whatever it was. If you need any help, I'd be happy to assist... if that's alright with you, I mean," she said, and then took an uncharacteristically large gulp of her tea.

"Well, I don't have many clues now that the bites have healed, so I don't know when or if I'll figure it out. I suppose I can tell Applejack to keep her eyes peeled, but she always does that anyway."

Fluttershy paused, as though in deep thought, then said, "Twilight, is it alright if I ask you something?"

"Of course, Fluttershy. Go right ahead."

"Have you mentioned this to anypony else? I mean, if ponies start thinking there's a magical creature loose, it might not be a good thing for the wildlife. Some ponies in this town, well, they have a tendency to... um, you know. Overreact to things, just a tiny bit."

"Heh, isn't that the truth. Don't worry, Fluttershy. Applejack's the only one I talked to, and like I said, she was pretty sure they were mosquito bites," I said, reassuring her.

That's about when Fluttershy thanked me and left. I sat there with my tea, idly stirring it with magic, for maybe an hour or more until it went cold (I have a lot of free time pencilled into my checklists for the time being, fortunately). I can't get recent events out of my mind. I know something is wrong, but I just can't put my hoof on it. It's probably something obvious, like when I couldn't even tell that Big Macintosh was dating Fluttershy. Maybe it's a social thing. I don't know. I'll talk to Rarity about it later, or maybe Pinkie. They're better at this sort of thing than most ponies, and way better than I.

Day 35 (Rarity's Horn)

Okay, now I'm really worried. Something is seriously wrong with Rarity.

I went to visit her at the Carousel Boutique today, and Spike came along (obviously). I let him do the knocking, and when Rarity opened the door, the color instantly drained from his face.

"Rarity! Y-your, your..." he stammered. Of course, I immediately looked at Rarity and I didn't see what he was getting at. Her manestyle was a little different, like when she had to cover up her missing eyelashes that one time, but that's all I could pick out.

Rarity smiled and said, "My little Spikey-Wikey!" Then she bent down and kissed Spike directly on the lips. And not a peck, either, but a genuine, soft, slow, romantic-looking kiss! Not with tongue or anything horrible like that, but I was still floored. Spike stopped paying attention to everything around him and just stared into space, dumbfounded. I was about to firmly remind Rarity that Spike is a baby dragon, not to mention practically my little brother, but that's when I finally noticed it. I craned my head down slightly as Rarity lifted her head back up.

I couldn't see her horn. Her bangs were hiding the base of it, but they couldn't hide the entire horn: it should have been poking through her mane by at least half a decimeter.

"Rarity, did... did something happen to your horn?" I whispered, in shock.

She laughed. "Oh dear, I'm afraid so. It's... rather embarrassing, actually. I got it stuck in something I was working on, a metal dress form if you must know, and well, it snapped right off at the base, just like that. But don't worry, horns grow back quickly enough." She smiled gently at me. My poker face is almost as bad as Pinkie Pie's, so I'm sure she could tell I was highly skeptical of her story.

"You need to see the doctor, Rarity. There's no way you could snap the entire horn off without getting a concussion in the process, and you could have a hairline fracture of the—"

She giggled and placed a hoof to my lips, shooshing me. "Twilight, dear. Really, I'm fine. I've already been checked out. It's just blind luck, though I suppose you have placed a more positive spin on it than I did, initially. It could always be worse, right?" Rarity lifted her bangs to reveal the base of her horn, scarcely a centimeter or so long, and she did it without so much as a blush. I could immediately tell she was lying, because the osseous tissue had been sheared perpendicular to the grain. (You would think more unicorns would know about these sorts of things.)

"It doesn't quite look like a break, actually," I said, testing the waters. Rarity immediately dropped her bangs back into place. She looked flustered.

"Oh, well, of course, but I've, er, filed it down to remove the rough edges." Bald-faced lie. There were hard edges on the circumference, and Rarity is an accomplished artist and beautician. She'd never leave her horn looking like a tree stump. None of this added up.

"Aren't you worried about being able to complete your orders on schedule? You can't have enough horn there to focus magic," I asked, prying a little further. It made no sense. There is no possible way Rarity could lose her horn and not throw an enormous drama fit, I mean, it's just not her.

"Twilight! Honestly, it's okay. Yes, I am working at half speed, but it gives me a chance to practice my hoof skills. I was designing dresses long before I could use magic to speed up the process, dear."

"Ooooookay," I said, not really hiding my disbelief. "I guess if you're sure you're alright... But, please, don't hesitate to reach out to your friends for help if you need any. That's what we're here for. Promise?"

Rarity did the motions of a Pinkie Pie Swear, and I copied them. Then she apologized for being so busy, and shut the door right in our faces. Spike was still zoned out and drooling a little out of one side of his mouth, so I had to carry him back to the library.

On the way back, I briefly wondered whether Rarity could have been a changeling; but I quickly dismissed it as impossible. Her actions might be completely out of character, but too much of it sounded and felt like the real Rarity. A changeling wouldn't know half that much about Rarity's daily routine, let alone be able to do a Pinkie Pie Swear correctly. It was definitely her, but she wasn't embarrassed about what should have been by all accounts the worst possible thing, just oddly nervous...

Now I'm absolutely certain. Something very strange is going on in Ponyville, and I must get to the bottom of it.

Day 38 (Luna's Warning)

I have good news and bad news.

Let's start with the good. Things are kind of normal again. Rarity has filed her horn down to a nub, a little too late for her story, but at least consistent with it. I think she's been wearing more perfume lately, but that's not exactly "weird". I haven't spoken about it to anypony else (yet) but I think I should start confiding some of these secrets now that two of my friends are acting nuts. Applejack is suspicious of Rarity's story, I'm sure, though she hides it well. Pinkie Pie asks too many questions but I doubt she suspects anything. Oh, and Rainbow Dash actually took me aside and asked if I've noticed anything weird about Fluttershy lately. I told her I had chalked it up primarily to her deepening relationship with Big Macintosh, but Dash is still really concerned, and she knows Fluttershy better than anypony. We're going to meet at her place tomorrow, so maybe we can put our heads together and come up with some answers.

Now for the bad news. Last night I had a very vivid dream. I was running down the beach at full gallop while these strange sort of gelatinous monsters would rise up out of the sand and try to engulf me, and my magic wasn't working (a typical nightmare, in other words). But suddenly, the scenery changed, and Princess Luna was standing next to me. I'd heard she could do this sort of thing, but it's pretty cool to actually see it in pony.

"Princess Twilight Sparkle. I apologize for the intrusion into your personal space," she said. (She's always so formal.)

"Not a problem, Princess. Is there anything I can do for you?" I noticed we were in the middle of a grassy clearing at night, with a bright full moon overhead.

Luna's voice softened. "Please, sit with me," she asked, and sat down on the grass. "I have some very concerning news to share."

"Oh?" I sat with her. I was trying to hide my nervousness.

"You seem anxious, Twilight Sparkle. Have you noticed anything strange occurring in Ponyville, of late?" asked Luna.

"A couple of my friends are acting very strangely," I said. "It would take some time to explain, though."

"I see. As are my night guards, and their odd behavior has vexed me greatly in recent nights. Yet, that is not my reason for this visit. I have come into your dreams to issue a dire warning to you."

"A warning? Warning about what?" I asked. In retrospect, I think I was probably equal parts frightened and curious. My curiosity has gotten me into a lot of jams in the past (mainly in my youth).

"Princess Cadance has been having highly unusual dreams for many evenings now. I do not like to intrude upon the privacy of others, and as such I cannot provide details to you. But I can tell you that these dreams are very disturbing. Allow me to repeat my description, with great emphasis: very disturbing. I am worried for her safety, and for the safety of the Crystal Kingdom as well."

"I'll do whatever it takes to ensure her safety," I promised, emboldened by the need to protect my sister-in-law. "Do you have any ideas that you can share with me, without the, um, gory details?"

Luna shook her head. "I am afraid I have few insights upon which to base a course of action, Twilight Sparkle, but I do have one suggestion. I think it would be very wise for you to visit the Crystal Kingdom and speak with Princess Cadance herself, but you should hide your true intentions. Speak with her, but do not press her. Speak with your brother, as well. See if you can uncover any information as to what the source of this trouble might be, without raising suspicions. I fear a subversive entity may be at work here, perhaps even Chrysalis herself. In the meantime, I shall speak with Princess Celestia regarding this issue."

That's when I woke up.

Rainbow and I have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

Day 39 (The Herd of Four)

I met with Rainbow Dash for brunch at her place. She's been bothered by Fluttershy being abnormally touchy-feely too. (I really wish there were a less silly way to say that.) She's noticed other inconsistencies, like Fluttershy not using her saddlebags when she goes shopping at market. Instead she's been using a paper bag, which is less convenient to carry, I suppose. I've never noticed other ponies' habits that closely, so I have to take Rainbow at her word.

After quite a bit of debate, we decided to include Applejack in the loop, and tentatively, Pinkie Pie. She might be "off the chain" (Rainbow said that, but it sounds like an expression that suits her), but Pinkie does know how to keep a secret. Still, we wanted to make sure nothing weird had happened to them first, in case the changelings or dark magic or whatever the hay we're up against started affecting them, too.

A couple of Q&A sessions later, we were satisfied that Applejack and Pinkie Pie were completely normal (er, for them). Together, the four of us (Pinkie Pie dubbed us "The Herd of Four" just to be dramatic) gathered in AJ's barn. It was early evening. Rarity was probably at her boutique, as she had been for most of the day. Mac was with Fluttershy at her house. Apple Bloom was having a sleep over with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo at Rarity's parents' place. Granny Smith was asleep. So this was pretty much the safest time and place to make our plans.

"Alright," said Applejack. "Do y'all have any ideas what's goin' on? No matter how crazy. Except changelings, because we've done beat that pony to death and back already."

"POD PONIES!" gasped Pinkie Pie.

"Okay. And, what are "pod ponies", exactly?" I asked.

Pinkie leaned in very closely to us, and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I have no idea," she said. "But maybe they're like changelings who can take over your body and mind!"

"And just where'd you hear about this, little missy?" asked Applejack.

Pinkie smiled and held up a comic book. "I borrowed it from Spike!" she said.

"Oh, great. Thanks a lot, Pinkie Pie," said Rainbow Dash, her voice dripping with sarcasm (even I could tell).

"Sure thing!" Pinkie said cheerfully.

"Well, actually, that's not a bad idea to start with," I said. "We need to be open to anything, because we're really shooting in the dark here. Just fire off some ideas. For me, the only thing I can think of is a degenerative brain disease, but that would be horrible and fortunately it doesn't match the timeline."

Rainbow Dash just put her hoof over her face. "Wow, Twilight. Thanks for the positive outlook." (I guess it was kind of macabre to bring that up.)

Applejack raised a hoof. "How about, some kind of a magical force that's like, controllin' part of their behavior, but not all of it?"

"Interesting. What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, I don't rightly know. You're the magic expert," she said, and shrugged. "We've seen things like this before, though. Sombra used magic to enslave ponies, and we've seen magical artifacts that corrupt their users. And I'm sure you know some compulsion spells of your own, at least from what Big Mac tells me."

"Hay! Look, I'm still embarrassed about that mess I created. But no, I don't know of any way to subtly change a pony's behavior. It's like, either you have total control, or you're out-of-control, or you have no control. The only time I've ever seen—" I said, and paused in thought for a moment when it hit me. "I don't know if this is relevant, but Cadance's special talent is, well, matchmaking, and I already told you what Luna said. I don't think Cadance can create love where it doesn't exist, but she can influence it. I've seen her do it."

"Maybe," said Rainbow Dash. "I might even buy that she could make Fluttershy fall in love with Big Macintosh, if they hadn't been an item for like, the past several months already. But there's no way in Equestria that Cadance could make Rarity fall in love with having her pretty horn yanked clean off her skull, no matter how powerful alicorn magic is. Not from hundreds of miles away, either."

"Seriously?" I said. "It's been going on for months?" Everypony else nodded. "Arrrrgh! Okay, okay. Maybe the Big Macintosh and Fluttershy thing—"

"Fluttermac," corrected Pinkie Pie. "Try it, it's catchy!"

"Ugh. Maybe the 'Fluttermac' thing is a red herring, that's all I'm saying." (I have to admit, it is pretty catchy.)

"I'm inclined to agree that at least some of this may be an odd coinky-dink," said Applejack. "I mean, ponies do some pretty darned weird things when they fall in love, y'know, so maybe Fluttershy isn't messed up at all, but just a bit, er, confused. Love don't always make horse sense, which is why they write so many Country-Western songs about it."

"Applejack. Please. Yesterday she snuck up on me and actually tried to preen my wings," said Rainbow Dash.

"I see, hmm. And is that, er, odd, exactly?"

"It's almost as odd as having another pony clean you up after you use the bathroom, though not nearly as nasty," said Rainbow Dash.

"Ewww, gross! Can we please talk about anything else?" I begged, but the image had already burned itself into my retinas. Just... ugh.

"Sorry," she continued. "You're new to this whole thing Twi, but preening is just, well, it's not somewhere you go with other ponies, except maybe in a major emergency, or a parent to a young foal. And you might do it with your special somepony, but not only am I one-hundred-twenty percent impossible to confuse for Big Macintosh, Fluttershy and I are both girls!"

At this point, Pinkie Pie and Applejack exchanged a familiar glance I like to call the "yeah right look". It didn't make any sense to me in this situation, and I decided it best not to ask.

"What?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Let's just try to get back on topic, alrighty?" said Applejack.

"Oh! I have an idea! There might be more than one thing causing this," said Pinkie Pie. The rest of us turned and looked at her.

"That's... actually reasonable," said Rainbow Dash.

"Well, duh. Not all my ideas have to be ridiculous!"

"It'd be nice if it were just one thing," I said, "but we need to keep an open mind, so that's a possibility. Okay, so to review, we have the following hypotheses: changelings, a disease, pod ponies which may or may not exist, a corrupted magical artifact, Cadance's love magic, nothing is wrong and we're overreacting, it might be some combination of two or more of these, an as-yet-unseen villain of some sort... is that it?" It was a moment before anypony spoke.

"Discord," said Applejack, and there was a long silence punctuated by crickets.

"Hmm. Maybe. We can't blame everything on Discord when it doesn't make sense, but maybe," I said.

Rainbow Dash sighed, and added, "Well, there's another possibility. Ponies can change over time. It's not usually this abrupt, but it happens. Maybe Rarity just, like, outgrew some of her issues. And maybe Fluttershy just in-grew a huge dose of creepy. I don't like the idea, but it's there."

"Maybe we should wait it out a little longer," said Pinkie. "I remember what can happen if you make bad assumptions about your friends. Maybe they're just planning a really big surprise party for us, so they're acting really weird? I mean, Rarity dunked her mane in garbage that one time, just to hide something from me. Garbage! And we'll all feel pretty darned silly when the party starts."

"A party ain't what this is," said Applejack.

"Oh come on, Pinkie Pie! What would she do with the horn?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"It'd be the best cake topper ever!!!" Pinkie exclaimed, to a group of unhappy faces. "Or, maybe not. Heh."

"Alright, I think we're at an impasse. We have theories going all over the place, but no new data. We're agreed that the six of us are heading to the Crystal Kingdom regardless, right? I mean, that's a crisis we know is legitimate," I said. Everypony nodded, so I continued. "Tomorrow we'll go visit Fluttershy first, all of us together as one and get her to come with us. Then we hit Rarity up. It will look less conspicuous if we all travel to the Crystal Kingdom as a unified group. Remember, Cadance's dreams are more concerning than all the rest of this put together, so that mystery takes precedence over our friends' idiosyncrasies. But keep an eye on them, everypony. Somehow, we'll get through this: all six of us."

The four of us all knocked hooves together and left to get a decent night's sleep. Pen down, head on pillow.

Day 40 (Friends Getting Weirder)

Applejack and Pinkie Pie had to come by the library and wake me up this morning. I guess I didn't realize how much time it would take for me to write some of these entries, so I ended up getting to sleep well after midnight. I'm used to Spike doing a lot of my writing, but since this is a secret journal it all has to be done by mouth or hoof (or magic, in my case).

Spike's still beaming about that kiss Rarity gave him, and as much as I'd like to express my disapproval I really don't know what to say to him. I'm very concerned about him being hurt. I've warned Spike that something weird is going on, and he knows that Rarity and Fluttershy are involved and possibly in danger. I don't question Spike's loyalty or his ability to keep things quiet, so I think it would be a good idea for him to join us on our trip.

AJ, Pinkie, and I picked up Rainbow Dash on our way to Fluttershy's cottage. When the four of us arrived at her cottage, we could hear some sort of commotion going on inside. A number of her animals were making loud noises, like they were arguing in whatever unintelligible language beasts use to communicate, or maybe even fighting. Granted, I realize it's not common to keep a fully-grown bear in your home with you, but her pets are usually so placid. The four of us began exchanging looks of worry.

I knocked at the door, and then there were even more animal noises, and something clattering to the floor, I think? After a pregnant pause, we heard a familiar voice.

"Oh! P-please hold on just a moment, I'll be right there. Just a minute," a panicked-sounding Fluttershy called out from inside. The sounds of animals moving from place to place echoed through the closed door. Applejack silently pointed at one of the larger windows, which had curtains fully blocking the view.

"Eh, that's not actually too uncommon," said Rainbow Dash. "She usually keeps them closed at night, and maybe she slept in like Twilight. Plus, you-know-who might be in there for all we know. Unrelated: do you guys smell something?"

Applejack seemed to bristle at the casual mention of her brother, but maintained her composure. "A-hem. Big Macintosh came home last night," she said. "I mean, they ain't married yet, or even plannin' on it as far as I can tell. I don't think it's quite that serious at the moment, if you follow," she said in a hushed tone. "Besides, that pair are probably the two shiest apples this side of Ghastly Gorge..."

Just then the front door opened a crack, which made Rainbow Dash yelp in surprise, but what immediately followed sobered her up in a flash. Fluttershy blocked the doorway opening, and she was an absolute mess. She was wiping her legs and neck with a filthy-looking cloth, her mane was matted and dishevelled, and my Stars, the odor. Dear Princess Celestia. I swear to Star Swirl, I have never experienced anything like this in my life. It wasn't just Fluttershy, of course, it was coming out of the house itself. Everypony but Pinkie Pie had our hooves covering our noses. Pinkie just kept a smile on her face the entire time. Unfortunately, I couldn't see much of the inside with Fluttershy blocking the way. It was simply too dark. Judging by the shadows, I would guess some of the furniture had been overturned. There were no large moving objects, so most of the animals had probably exited out back. Rainbow was the first among us brave enough to break the silence.

"Oh. My. Holy. Horse apples. Fluttershy, what is that smell?!" said Rainbow Dash. "It's like, like... it's like, an entire zoo took a massive dump and then it died, and then a second zoo dug up the grave of the first zoo and ate its rem—"

Applejack delivered a swift elbow to Rainbow's ribs, painfully halting her mid-sentence. "Heh, sorry about that, sugarcube," she said, nonetheless pulling her hat down to cover her muzzle entirely as she did. "But it do smell mighty ripe in there, and well, um, I live on a farm with pigs. Just sayin'. Are yer critters givin' you a hard time for bein' gone for so long, maybe?"

Fluttershy bowed her head shamefully for a moment. "Oh, no, it's nothing like that. I think I've just taken on a few too many new pets recently, and the responsibilities are a little, um, taxing," she said. "I'll have them all under control later today, I'm sure. It just takes a while to train them to, er, assist one another. Maybe we should have another adoption event soon."

Pinkie Pie leaned over to Applejack. "Please tell me we're not inviting Aunt Goldie to one of those again," she whispered. Applejack offered Pinkie a subtle head-shake in agreement.

"Well, gee," I said, with a sigh. "We were going to ask if you wanted to come with us to the Crystal Kingdom, but I guess it looks like you have your hooves full already. Luna is worried that Princess Cadance is in danger..."

"Oh!" said Fluttershy, her eyes widening. "No, no, I have to come, of course! Princess Cadance is such a good friend to all of us. Just, could you maybe, give me a few hours to clean things up, if that's okay with you?" she asked. "Oh, and, um, Applejack, if it's not too much trouble, could you ask Caramel if he might be available to take care of my pets while we're out? I would pay him, of course, and be I'd be ever so grateful."

"Wait, wait, wait. Caramel? Why not ask your coltfriend to do it again?", Rainbow asked, dropping a heavy dollop of sarcasm on the word. (I don't understand what Rainbow Dash has against, what was it Pinkie Pie called it—right, Fluttermac? I don't get it. I have long suspected that "being cool" involves pretending to not like most things, and I believe this datum fits the overall trend, so maybe that's all there is to it.)

"His name is Big Macintosh," said Applejack, shooting Rainbow an angry glare. "And I'm guessin' it's because Mac'll be up to his flank in chores without me bein' in the field for however long this trip's gonna take. Now, Fluttershy hon, are you absolutely sure Caramel can handle your pets? These same pets that apparently turned your living room into a disaster zone overnight?" she continued, a doubtful look in her eyes.

"Oh, yes, I'm very sure. Just, I need a few hours. Um, and I think I should probably go take a bath now. But, I can meet you in the library later on, if that's okay? Or, you know, whatever you want me to do," said Fluttershy, her voice trailing off.

"You might want to take two baths just to be on the sa—oof!" said Rainbow Dash, wincing from another blow. "Hay, quit punching me!"

"Then quit bein' such an ass's ass-end," said Applejack.

"Okay, I think we're good here. Thanks, Fluttershy. We'll wait in the library for you after we get Rarity," I said. Fluttershy bit at her lower lip, smiled demurely, and closed the door.

"Pony. This just ain't right," said Applejack. "Everything's gettin' odder by the minute. Shy'd never let her place get in that much of a shambles, let alone so quickly."

"Yeah, Twilight. Are you positive we should be bringing Weird and Weirder along for this particular probably-saving-an-entire-kingdom-again mission?" asked Rainbow Dash. "As much as I care about both of them, they could be dead weight."

"I really don't know. But I'll feel much better knowing we're able to keep an eye on both of them, and they're still our friends," I said. "I admit we no longer have the physical Elements, and I still have no idea what the Box is supposed to do, so our resources are already limited. But I think we should stick together."

"I'm with Twi," said Applejack.

"I dunno," said Pinkie Pie. "If they turn out to be pod ponies I'll be really upset we weren't more careful, but I'll probably think it's amazing too because I managed to guess something by using one of Spike's comic books! How cool is that?"

"Yeah, when the zombies are eating our brains or whatever the hay I'm sure that will be real comforting, Pinkie," said Rainbow Dash. Pinkie beamed with, well, pride, I suppose?

Our trip to the Carousel Boutique was, fortunately, a lot less crazy. Rarity let us come in, and she was very interested in going on our trip with us, which made me feel a lot better. Apart from the horn, she's pretty much still Rarity, I think. I'm starting to suspect that most of this is in our heads.

"Oh, I need to grab some things before I go, so I can catch up," said Rarity. "I have some earrings I'd like Fluttershy to try on, to see what they look like in a public setting, and I think I'll bring some for Cadance, too. Fluttershy is oh so graceful, and such an absolute dear. Oh! And I have those shoes you wanted to try out for me, Pinkie Pie. Come this way. I'm afraid they're far too heavy for me to move without my magic."

"Too heavy?" asked Rainbow Dash, once Pinkie and Rarity had walked into the back room. Then we heard a loud pounding noise, and Pinkie Pie returned with four very simple-looking shoes. They were clearly bronze, and highly polished. They were a bit thicker than Celestia's shoes but featured no ornamental edge to them, just a simple cup rising up around the hoof in front. Judging by the noise they made, each shoe must have weighed at least two kilograms. Pinkie's legs struggled to lift with each step, yet she seemed excited.

"Wow, these are super-duper heavy! Do you think ponies will actually want to wear them?" Pinkie asked. "They're really tough to walk in but I think I can manage them for the trip, at least." The way Pinkie Pie bounces around, a pony would think she were made of rubber or something. But she's just as heavy as any other earth pony, and just as muscular underneath. It's easy to forget how strong she is.

"Heh, those'r kinda neat, actually," said Applejack. "Why, I could get me a real workout in a quad o' those in no time. Great for building some calf muscles on ol' Bucky 'n' Kicks."

Rarity smiled. "That's the idea. It's a shoe marketed only for the earth pony demographic, essentially. Sort of like a status-symbol, turned on its head, if you will. And while I don't have another set ready just quite yet, Applejack, I absolutely must see you in a quad the moment we return from our little adventure! And I won't take 'no' for an answer," she said, then winked at Applejack, eliciting a blush. It was a little awkward.

Still, I have to admit, I'm impressed by both the idea and her usual masterly craftsmanship. They just look so plain that they don't seem like "Rarity material", but I guess that was part of the point.

"Huh. Soooooo, you got anything special just for pegasi back there?" said Rainbow Dash, grinning and craning her neck around a dress screen.

"Yes, but it's not ready quite yet. I'll have to, you know, work out the kinks with Fluttershy first," she said, and giggled a bit to herself. "But I'll bring some extra earrings just in case those go over well."

We thanked Rarity and left. The trip back to the library was uneventful, except for the four-divot holes Pinkie kept leaving in the ground every time she pronked forward (though only to about one-third the normal height of her jumps).

So here we are. I've been sitting in the library writing this for the past hour or so. Rarity's already here, and Fluttershy should be by at any moment. We're going to take the evening express to Canterlot, then change trains to head for the Crystal Kingdom.

I should be excited, but I still have a very bad feeling about all of this. Somewhere in my brain, I know about something, but I can't bring it into the light of consciousness. Usually it's because the buried concept is something I don't want to be true, or want to admit is true, but I know that's exactly what this feeling is. That scares me.

I really hope all of this ends up being just a dumb coincidence. I'd be thrilled to feel dumb as dirt right about now.

Day 40 (Travel to Crystal Empire)

We just switched trains at Canterlot and are headed to the Crystal Kingdom. There's nothing quite so annoying as being awoken during travel, but taking the redeye was the right choice: adventure never sleeps. Currently I'm the only one still awake, because I need to write down a tiny but essential clue revealed just now by happenstance.

It happened during the switchover. We were unceremoniously awoken by the conductor, groggily grabbed our bags, and disembarked. There wasn't a lot of conversation apart from Rainbow Dash saying that Princess Celestia should ban trains at night or something. (Aside: Pinkie Pie can go from sleeping like a log to hyper-alert and back again in a flash. I need to do a sleep experiment with her someday.)

Anyway, while we were transferring between trains, a lot of people started staring at us. When Pinkie Pie walks in those shoes it sounds like a herd of metal monsters falling down several flights of stairs (CLANG CLANG-CLANG CLANG-CLANG). It's pretty hard not to laugh the first time you hear it. I'm can't imagine what Rarity was thinking on this one, but Pinkie Pie (or Applejack)'s hooves are the only way to carry the weights there and back at this point so they might as well be on her feet. Anyway, we drew a lot of odd looks, and then someone familiar trotted over to our herd. It was Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts. Rainbow Dash tried her best to wake up and look cool, and we stopped to talk very briefly.

"Well hay, if it isn't Princess Twilight Sparkle's entourage!" (I blushed.)

"A-hem," said Rainbow Dash. "I think you mean Rainbow Dash's taunter, um, ontro, kodge, something. Sorry. I'm asleep. I'm sleeping now."

"It's always nice to see you, Spitfire," I said, proud to have actually remembered her name this time. "Unfortunately we're switching trains at the moment, so we don't have much time to catch up."

"Oh, that's cool. Makes sense, though. I didn't expect to see Fluttershy back in Canterlot so soon, so I guess it's not your final destination this time around. I'll see you ponies later," said Spitfire, and wing-waved. Fluttershy waved back, and then nervously started pushing us toward the next train, so we all picked up the pace. (Fortunately, Fluttershy looks and smells normal again, and Spike informed me her house is almost fixed up inside.)

Immediately something clicked. Let's walk through the math. Between our Winter holiday and this trip, Fluttershy only traveled outside of the Ponyville area a single time: when she went to visit Princess Cadance. Spitfire implied she thought Fluttershy was in Canterlot recently, which means it must have occurred when she came through Canterlot on the way to the Crystal Kingdom. Fluttershy sent several postcards to us from the Crystal Kingdom, but the first one arrived three or four days after she had supposedly arrived. Princess Cadance thought Fluttershy hadn't arrived for the first two days or so. That means at least one of the following possibilities from this checklist must be true:

* Spitfire thinks last Winter is "so soon" for a trip to Canterlot

* Spitfire mistook Canterlot for Fluttershy's final destination

* Fluttershy is lying about her trip: she spent the first two days in Canterlot

* There are multiple Fluttershies (Fluttershys? Fluttershy's?)

I'm going to eliminate option four because if things are that complicated I have no hope of figuring them out at the present time. I find the first option very unlikely, as Spitfire travels with jet setters. The second option doesn't make sense because Fluttershy's travel itinerary had no layover (just like today) and she never mentioned Canterlot when discussing her trip. I'm afraid we're looking at possibility three, but that raises an even more disturbing checklist of possibilities, at least one of which must also be true:

* Cadance lied to cover up for Fluttershy, after Fluttershy finally arrived

* Shining Armor lied to his wife to cover up for Fluttershy

* Shining Armor lied to his wife to save face for being out of the loop, or something

* Cadance exaggerated Fluttershy's stay (unlikely; she's a stickler for details)

* Shining Armor thought Fluttershy was staying at the castle when she wasn't

* Fluttershy forged Cadance's handwriting, royal seal, and signature (okay this is ridiculous)

I cannot imagine my brother lying to Cadance at all, nor can I think of a reason why he might have believed there was a guest in the castle when there wasn't. So I'm fairly certain Cadance lied to me about Fluttershy being at the castle the whole time. But the weird thing? Cadance switched stories within a very narrow window. Based on what I know of travel times for mail postmarked from the Crystal Kingdom, Cadance must have changed her mind within the space of a single day, maybe twenty hours at most. But she wouldn't send something Pony Express unless she knew it had a good chance to get here in time, so let's say, fourteen hours as a soft upper bound.

Something else is nagging at me, but I'm too tired to bring it into focus. I'll need to look through the passenger manifests once we arrive.

Day 41 (Arrival in Crystal Kingdom)

I will likely make a second entry today after we arrive at the castle and meet with my brother and sister-in-law, but I have a spare hour or two and some important things to remember. Rarity convinced us to check in for half a day at a local hotel (we have a big suite together) so we can shower and make ourselves presentable (I took mine first). Apparently, the Royals already know we're coming, because Rarity was excited and shipped some earrings in a letter to Princess Cadance by Pony Express. I guess Rarity didn't think we wanted our visit to be a surprise, but that's probably for the best as it would raise too many questions. Nobody was there to greet us at the station because Rarity intentionally left out the arrival time so we could fix ourselves up. I gotta hoof it to her, Rarity is one mare who really knows how to plan ahead.

I guess I should mention yet more probably-unimportant details just to be on the safe side, so here's how the ride back went: we were asleep. More accurately, Rarity and Fluttershy slept in two adjacent seats, which Pinkie Pie immediately dubbed "Rarishy", fortunately not within hearing range of Rarishy, er I mean... arrggggh fine. "Rarishy", even though they're not coltfriend and fillyfriend (I can't even see how that would make any rational sense, plus they're best friends for crying out loud!) and Pinkie Pie has to make neonyms of absolutely everything. They did lie down against each other, and er, this sounds wrong, but "cuddled" in some sense. Applejack seemed a lot less surprised/disturbed by this than Rainbow Dash and I. Spike just thought it was cute, but obviously he's still a little kid and doesn't know any better. I don't know. Maybe I'm missing some obvious social cues, yet again. I admit I don't understand much about relationships, but what's to understand? A mare dates a stallion, they get married, they make foals, and they live in a castle—easy as arithmetic. It's definitely not: a mare conspires with a princess, gropes several other mares to weird them out, another mare chops off her freaking horn, everypony acts crazy, and then you end up stranded (more later) in a city-state for several days. I never read that in a storybook. (This journal is not a storybook.)

I'm sorry, journal. I have to vent because none of this makes sense. Ugh.

Anyway, it was a good thing that Team Weirdo paired off (I named that one, and Pinkie Pie loved it). Applejack and Rainbow Dash slept adjacent, which worked out fine. Pinkie Pie slept on the floor because of her shoes. Rarity said she could just take them off, but Pinkie was out like a light shortly after she got comfortable. This doesn't surprise me, though. I'm pretty sure I've seen that mare sleep standing on her head at least once (this is not an exaggeration). Oh, and Rarity actually asked Spike if he wanted to sleep next to her and Fluttershy, and I shot her a look of WHAT? harsh enough for her to immediately back down on the offer. Poor Spike. Weird is weird, but this isn't right. I'm talking to Rarity about the Spike stuff tonight, pony-to-pony.

Okay, somehow we all arrived in one piece. After we disembarked I asked the herd to give me a moment, and went into the station to check the passenger manifests. Apparently, two of them have gone missing: Day 20 and Day 21. The officers here were stunned; they didn't know the manifests were missing until I requested them. I was far less surprised, but pleased whoever removed them didn't have the foresight to realize it didn't matter. Day 22 through Day 28 were available, and this plus what I've already deduced cinches the timeline nice and tight (I'll get there in a moment). Checking the entry log, Cadence had signed herself in to view the manifests, just as she'd reported, so that part of her story checks out. But here's the kicker: she signed in twice: once on Day 23, and then again on Day 24. I had to sign in today, but clearly I'm playing games with somepony who assumes I'm poking my muzzle around so I don't mind leaving this particular breadcrumb.

Let's get to the numbers. Fluttershy doesn't appear on any of the manifests (except for the day she left), so she must have arrived here on Day 21. This makes very little sense to me. I can reconcile Fluttershy being in Canterlot for only half a day (that's long enough to cause confusion with Spitfire), but it would also mean that Fluttershy was in the Crystal Kingdom city-state for three whole days before meeting with Cadance! This does open the possibility that my brother actually did put Fluttershy up in the castle, but forgot to tell the Princess, and Fluttershy's personal business with Cadance was something she waited three whole days to bring up (or even just say "hello"). Unfortunately, what remains is a checklist of three bizarre possibilities, none of which I like:

* Fluttershy was secretly in the Crystal Empire for three days, doing... what?

* Cadance and Fluttershy are both lying

* Shining Armor and Fluttershy are both lying

These aren't mutually exclusive: all of them could be true, but that seems implausibly complicated. Given Luna's warning, I must conclude that the most likely theory at this time is that Fluttershy and Cadance have been conspiring for some unknown reason, and my brother is probably unaware (and potentially in danger).

And there's yet another wrinkle. As I was leaving the station, ponies were placing signs up saying that all trains up through the next two days (possibly more) are cancelled due to incoming weather, except for the one that just left the station for Canterlot. The weather doesn't look that bad right now, but it's hard to tell up here (it can turn nasty in a hoofbeat). This couldn't be Cadance's doing, because she didn't know when we were due to arrive. Unless maybe she didn't want us to arrive at all? What purpose would be served by buying a few extra days? My bet's on coincidence this time. If I start to see conspiracy everywhere I'll lose track of the bigger picture. We'll know something's up if they're surprised to see us.

So now we're in the suite, waiting for everypony to get ready. It's kind of boring but at least I had time to write this. Oh, when Pinkie Pie took off her shoes to shower (which Rarity said was unnecessary, but who designs shoes for the shower?!), she literally pronked into the ceiling. She's fine (fortunately she only hit her head, ha-ha) but when she walks without the shoes now she has these weird, really high goosesteps that go straight up, like she's dancing or tiptoeing weirdly or has a full bladder or something. I'd guess that behavior will persist for least a few hours after the boots come off, based on what I know of muscle memory conditioning (both CNS via the cerebellum, and peripheral via the spinal cord and musculature, to be precise). Actually, I think I've seen this kind of thing before at a play in Manehattan when I was very young. Maybe Rarity designed them as training shoes for dance? That's a great idea. It's super-duper flouncy-looking when Pinkie walks, so I'm sure Applejack has already changed her mind about using them for part of a workout routine. Too bad, really. Rarity sounded so excited about sticking AJ in a quad.

I had a chance to catch up on things with Applejack and Rainbow Dash while everypony else was occupied. I didn't include Pinkie because she's kind of out of it at the moment, probably from the shoes. I guess it's best if she continues wearing them until we get back home, and then she can gad about in an extremely silly manner for a few hours or days or however long it lasts. (Ponyville is unlikely to notice.)

I told only Dash, AJ, and Spike about the manifest, but it's not critical right now. Applejack had nothing new to add, but Rainbow Dash is 98% certain (probably significantly less, as she exaggerates a lot) that Fluttershy is hiding something under her wings, so there's some new weirdness to add to the top of the pile. Fluttershy took extra long in the bath and locked the door so her wings were a little fluffy when she came out, but she never stretched them anywhere I could see them. From personal experience, wings are the hardest place on a pony to hide something, so I can't imagine why. Still, I think Rainbow Dash might be onto something. She wanted to press Fluttershy on the topic right now, but I told her to wait. It's far too early to go all-in when so many ponies are still actively hiding the truth.

Day 41 (Meeting Shining and Cadance)

I decided to do something daring for a change, because I'm sick and tired of everypony telling me to "lighten up" or suggesting I'm a prude because I get squicked out so easily. So, I had Rarity pierce my ears in the hotel room. Don't get me wrong, I've worn earrings before, but they've always been clip-ons (far more convenient if you ask me). In case that doesn't sound "Daring Do" enough for you, this wasn't a typical ear piercing. It's one of those high-gauge kind where it looks like somepony impaled your ear on the tip of their horn. I was reluctant, but Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity all had them already, and Rarity reassured me that even though a bit of skin literally gets hole-punched out of your ear (yes, it stings a bit), you can get it to grow back again somehow without any scars. Anyway, the hole is at the bottom of the ear (at least that part is traditional), and it looks rather ugly unless you have an earring in it designed for the large gauge.

These earrings are pretty interesting. Both sides are identical, and they lock together through the hole. They're surprisingly simple, which I like: just a small, flat disc barely larger than the hole (again, one visible on each side of the piercing). The surface is highly polished, of course. Rarity is wearing a stainless steel pair, while Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie both have copper. Mine are polished marble, and they feel very heavy! I can tell the other earrings are heavy by looking at signs of ear resistance on my friends (I'd elaborate but it would take pages), so I suspect there is lead or something in the cores. Rarity says the mass is intentional, to remind you the earrings are there, but I figure I'll get used to it rather quickly. It is a little embarrassing to keep feeling that pulling sensation and know others can see it, but as Rarity puts it, "beauty is pain". (No, it's not actually painful!)

Rarity showed me a fourth kind of the earring, one made of gold. That's the type she sent to Cadance. Surprised, I asked her why she went with simple steel instead of gold for herself (I mean, this is Rarity we're talking about), but she just smiled and told me she'd be wearing them eventually. I guess it's all still experimental at this stage. Of course, neither Applejack nor Rainbow Dash (nor Spike, duh) had any interest in participating in our ear-deformation rituals.

The walk to the castle was punctuated by the clatter of Pinkie Pie's copper shoes, which announced our arrival from about two kilometers. We had our bags sent to the castle ahead of us so we wouldn't need to lug them across the entire city-state. Lots of crystal ponies (and a few non-crystal ponies) came to gawk at our loudly-clanging "entourage" (eh, I still don't like that word). A couple of stallions wolf-whistled at Rarity, which earned them looks of disapproval from me, and giggles from her.

"Rarity, don't encourage them! That kind of behavior is so demeaning," I said.

"Oh, please, darling. Can't you take a simple compliment?" said Rarity.

"Compliment? It's against the law! That's harassment, Rarity. Plus, the one guy just looked right at your butt! I'm a princess, I know the law," I said.

Applejack snorted. "Now hold up there sugarcube, I think you're gettin' just a tad bent out of shape over nothin' much. He's just sayin' she looks pretty, and well, she certainly does. Ain't no harm in that. Rarity's not shy about bein' a show pony. If she didn't wanna be admired she wouldn't get all gussied-up with her mane every morning."

"Wow. I'm... actually surprised to hear that from you, Applejack. What Rarity does is her business, and how she does her mane shouldn't provide anypony else an excuse for bad behavior! Doesn't anypony here see that this is wrong? I mean, what if he's some kind of stalker, or the behavior escalates?" I asked. "Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow paused in thought. "Eh, I don't really care. Sorry Twi. It's kinda rude, I guess, but like AJ said, it's what Rarity wants or she wouldn't do all that frou-frou stuff. Well, maybe she would, but, like, welcome to life, ponies are going to say and do stuff you don't like. I just don't see how you can call the guy a stalker just for flirting, or whatever the hay that was."

Spike nodded. "Twilight, you know I respect you, but maybe not everypony else is as... um..."

"Oh! Prudish? Reserved? Super-extra-virgin-olive-oil?!" bubbled an excited Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, shh," said Fluttershy.

"He's treating her like a piece of meat," I lamented.

"Um, Twilight, news flash: she IS a piece of meat," said Pinkie. "We're all meat! I'm meat, you're meat, even Spike is meat!"

"Oh, yeahhhhh," said Spike, striking a macho pose.

"Urrggggggh! Forget I ever said anything," I shouted, looking away from our herd. I had no interest in seeing the rolling eyes and shrugs which no doubt followed. You would think a Princess of Magic could get away with expecting the tiniest amount of respect from other ponies. And of course, the earrings were pulling with each step I took, reminding me of the spectacle we were making. Thank Celestia we weren't wearing dresses! Rarity brought some (of course) but is saving them for a more formal occasion.

Am I really a prude, journal? If I am, is that such a terrible thing? I don't know. I can tell there's a friendship lesson I really need to learn in here somewhere, but I'm not ready for it yet. Not with all this stress and my friends and family in danger. I have to be stronger than this. In retrospect, I'm probably remembering the walk as being more frustrating than it was, but that's because as I'm writing this in the room I'm sharing with Pinkie Pie, I'm still short on answers.

Speaking of pieces of meat (wow I am being horrible), guess who greeted us at the grand entrance to the castle? Yep, none-other than Flash Sentry, one of the few non-crystal royal guards. He's cute, I admit it, but unfortunately the Flash that I have a crush on looks like a shaved monkey and is barely half my age. To be fair, I'm barely half my age in that universe, and I'm starting to think it's because nobody actually gets older there (which would explain the Sirens). But seriously, that's what he looks like. Take that, "prudish" me. (Heh, maybe I could start my own Team Weirdo.)

"Princess Twilight Sparkle, we've been expecting you. Your bags are already in your rooms," said Flash, with a smile.

"Wow, that was quick," I said. Was I blushing? I don't think I was blushing. Whatever.

Flash Sentry nodded. "Oh, yes. The rooms were prepared for your arrival late last night, although we weren't expecting Spike, I'm afraid."

"Oh, don't worry about me! I don't take up much room at all," said Spike.

"Yep, he can stay in my room," I offered, while we walked up the stairway. Secretly I had my horn crossed that Pinkie's shoes would not destroy half the castle, but fortunately it's a lot stronger than it looks. (Just like the Sugarcube Corner building is a lot less edible than it looks: it took Pinkie Pie months to learn that lesson once she'd moved to Ponyville.)

"We have set up three rooms currently, as we thought you'd enjoy staying together in pairs," he said.

Applejack nodded back. "Sounds real cozy. I'm sure our arrangements will be way beyond our needs, don't you worry 'bout that."

Shining Armor was waiting near the top of the stairs, wearing a simple formal outfit. "Twilie!" he shouted with a smile, and reared up for a hug.

"BBBFF!" I raced headlong into his arms and glomped right on. It was probably obvious how much I'd missed him, but how good it felt to see my big brother in pony again! It was like an enormous injection of the normal and familiar into this terrible mess of the past month. I held him pretty tight, and he held me for a rather long hug and stroked my mane. I don't even care. My big brother can hold me whenever and however he wants.

After the embrace, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Oh my gosh. Thank goodness we're here. Is Cadance okay? Do you know about our visit...?" I said, too many questions coming out all at once.

"Cadance is just fine, and yes, she's been having nightmares lately but we're not worried. It's mostly because of all the stress she's been under, partly because... Well, there's been a small accident," said Shining Armor. (Red flag.)

"Here it comes," I heard Dash say behind us, as the rest of the herd approached.

"Accident?" I said, feeling my heart drop into my hooves (but not really, that's just a figure of speech).

Shining Armor nodded. "Yeah, and we didn't want you to get surprised or scared or anything, because, well, we know you've had a lot of weird creepy coincidences lately."

"Oh no. No no no no no," I said, backing up two steps into Pinkie Pie.

"Twilie, don't freak out," my brother said soothingly, rearing up and holding my shoulders. "It's just her horn, and it'll grow back. Given Cadance's stature, it'll take longer than Rarity's to get to its natural length, but it should at least be useable again in a few months..."

"OH MY GOSH!" Pinkie Pie screamed, right into my ear (ow). "Cadance lost her horn too? What are the odds?!!"

Unfortunately, I already knew the answer. "Horn fractures occur at a rate of 1.6% annually for unicorns and alicorns. However, major horn fractures are significantly rarer. Only 1 in 162 unicorn ponies will experience a major horn fracture in a lifetime, though alicorn stats are different due to lifespans. The average social clique has around a dozen ponies, so the odds that two ponies who are close friends would suffer a major horn fracture within the same month are..." I said, doing the math in my head while everypony watched nervously on, "...I don't have an exact figure, but it is highly likely that such an event would not occur over an arbitrary one-million year span, even with precipitous population increases. Unless the statistics change for some unknown reason, of course, like everypony going completely insane."

"Holy buck, Twilight," Applejack muttered under her breath. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Oh. My. GOSH YOU GUYS!!! This is amazing!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "We just have to have a "Rarity and Cadance Both Had Major Horn Fractures In The Same Month Party"! I mean, it's a once in a million-year opportunity! And let me tell you, those don't come along every year," Pinkie added, then her brow furrowed. "At least, I don't think they do."

"Pinkie Pie, zip it," said a visibly-irritated Rainbow Dash.

"Ahem. Speaking as, I must presume, one of the aforementioned statistics who cannot wait to have her horn regrown to its full and fabulous length, I believe that our darling Pinkie Pie means well," she said. "But I doubt very much Cadance wants to be reminded of her missing horn at the moment. She's just been through a terrible trauma, after all."

I just stared at the floor for a while. "Twilie, please," said Shining Armor, nuzzling my forelock. "It's going to be alright. Okay? I know things are crazy for you right now, but everypony you know is on your side. We'll sit down, and we'll talk it out, and if there's something that needs to be done, we'll do it. Nopony is going to dismiss your concerns."

I gave a half-smile, and hugged him back. "Thanks BBBFF," I said, as we walked into the throne room. Cadance was peeking out from behind one of the columns.

"It's okay, dear, she knows," said Shining Armor. Cadance poked her head out, then galloped full bore with a smile on her face.

"Hay there!" she said cheerfully, trotting up to me with an embarrassed look on her face despite the smile. There was something shiny under her mane where her horn should have been. She immediately lay down on the floor in front of me and grinned, throwing me off for a moment. "Twi-liiiiight...?"

"Oh!" I said, and smiled, jumping into the routine. "Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!" we both sang. But as I stood there looking backwards at my sister-in-law's shaking haunches (wait, is that what our dance looks like to everypony else?), I gasped.

"What? Am I decent?" Cadance asked, and lifted her tail. Then my face went white for a different reason. (I... I don't want to write about the second shocker here, but... I don't normally see anything when I look at a pony's backside, just empty blankness. I guess my mind blocks it out. But on Cadance, it was just like, out there. All of it, both, um... I mean, I don't look anything like that! Why are both of the... "places"... so big? That's it. I will never look at another pony's backside, ever again.)

Cadance immediately turned around and a horrified look crossed her face. She whispered, "Oh no is it—?" to Shining Armor, who rapidly shook his head in the negative. (Red flag?)

"Um... You okay there Twilight?" asked Spike.

"Oh! Oh, yes. Sorry, I just, I'm a little slow at the moment, and it'll help once we have a good night's sleep that isn't in the passenger seat of a train," I said. "I just, um, I saw that you have something up there," I added, gingerly tapping my horn. (Yeah, I was afraid it would fall off. Can you blame me?)

Cadance looked relieved, and blushed. "Oh, right." She stared upward at her forelock, then giggled. "Whoops—no magic. I keep forgetting," she said, then reached up with a hoof to pull her mane aside. The horn had been broken off very near the base, just like Rarity's horn. (Red flag.) But it wasn't filed down or anything. Instead, there was a golden cap with a flattened face affixed tightly to her scalp. (Let's say "infrared flag" this time. Even though that means "below" and I mean "more than", because "orange flag" doesn't make much intuitive sense.)

"Showing it off is easier than hiding it, right?" she said with a laugh.

"Yyyyyeah," I said, faking a smile terribly. "So, lemme guess. Dress form? Spell backfire? Magical horn-eating squirrels?" I asked, as though any explanation was going to make sense. Pinkie Pie laughed, at least.

"Oh, no, nothing like that," she said. "Just a freak accident with a dumbwaiter... and a dumb waiter. And also me being dumb," she admitted.

"I might bear some of the responsibility," Shining admitted. "But it's one of those stories you really don't want to know the details of, Twilie." My brother affectionately nuzzled his wife's crest, and gripped her with a foreleg rather firmly.

"Why?" I asked, then it dawned on me. "Oh. Oh! Oh no. Ewww." (Everypony laughed but me.)

"Well it's nice to see y'all still got that there newlywed spirit," Applejack said. "Ponies have lost more than horns to that, I reckon."

"Ooh! It matches your earrings just perfect," Pinkie Pie blurted out. Cadance was wearing Rarity's earrings (the gold variety), and yep. They matched the cap with the skill of a fashionista: not just in color, but in style. (Red flag.)

Rarity cleared her throat. "Oh, why, yes! I sent it with the earrings in my letter, er, package to Princess Cadance, just in case she wanted to use it. I already had her horn dimensions, of course," she said nervously. (Red flag.)

"Now wait just a minute," Rainbow Dash said, her wings going straight up. "How did YOU know Princess Cadance had lost—" Applejack quickly stuffed a hoof in Dash's mouth, but the damage had already been done. (I'm going to stop mentioning all the red flags now because I can't even keep track anymore.) All eyes were on my sister-in-law.

Cadance paused for a few moments in thought. "Right. Well, it's not like this happened yesterday," she said. "It's been about a week. Rarity is the only pony I've talked to about it, besides Shining Armor, because I wanted some tips on how to hide it, or if that was even a good idea. I didn't know she had a similar accident until her last letter arrived—" she explained, until Rarity quickly interrupted her.

"—AND that was the letter I sent Pony Express yesterday, which had the earrings and the cap in it," she said, putting on a rather smug smile. Shining Armor simply stood there stone-faced.

"And you didn't think that Luna telling me Cadance might be in mortal danger was sufficient reason to tell me that my sister-in-law had LOST HER FREAKING HORN?!" I yelled at Rarity, whose face turned sour.

"Twilight! Please. Consider my point of view. You've been acting, well, just the tiniest bit crazy lately, and I didn't want to make things any worse. Besides, it's Princess Cadance and Shining Armor's decision to tell you about this, not mine," said Rarity.

"What does Shining Armor have to—" Rainbow Dash whispered to Applejack, who promptly re-hoof-mouthed the pegasus, probably just to be safe.

Fluttershy walked over and hugged me. "It's going to be okay Twilight," she said, trying to comfort me. It... it helped, I admit. I really miss the old Fluttershy, and... I just don't know.

Shining Armor put a broad smile back on. "Okay. So, we'd love to have a big meal with all of you, but we can't do it tonight. We both have a lot of duties to catch up on. But tomorrow evening we'll set up a big feast, just for the nine of us, and we can talk about anything and everything just to make sure there are no more secrets between us. Sound good?" There were sounds of approval from the herd, and I actually felt a lot better myself. I'm tired of all the mystery and I just want my family and friends back. And, at the very least, the awkward stuff could wait another day.

We unpacked our things. Spike and Pinkie Pie are with me ("TwiPie" or "TwiSpiPie", apparently), while "Appledash" are together and "Rarishy" are also (fortunately) sharing a room. I feel really guilty for calling my friends Team Weirdo now, now matter how weird they've been acting. Not that it matters: Pinkie Pie stopped using the term as soon as I told her she wasn't allowed to be part of Team Weirdo (yeah, I guess that doesn't make much sense without her).

Applejack and I are going to hit the library tonight, while Rarishy go shopping. Rainbow Dash will do recon around the castle. I forced Pinkie to take off the shoes so she and Spike can join us at the library later. Fortunately, the ceilings in here are vaulted, but it's either Power Ponies-style leaping or oddball-walking for her from now on; the shoes are too noisy in the castle and way too conspicuous everywhere else. The only place they wouldn't be insane is on firm earth, but I guess they're made for earth ponies, right?

Before leaving for the library, I spent an hour or so writing all of this (I'm getting fast; thank goodness for magic). We're just about ready to head out, but Pinkie Pie said something offhand that I have to write down. I don't want to write it. I don't want to even have heard it. I almost wish I could forget it, but it is what it is.

"Hay, Twilight? You wanna know something really weird?" Pinkie asked. "Cadance has been without her horn for about a week now, right?"

"Yeah, I guess she has," I said, shrugging.

"It's kinda funny how she hasn't gotten used to using her hooves instead of magic. I guess old habits die hard, right?" Pinkie Pie said, and giggled.

Fuck.

Day 41 (Library and Timeline)

Applejack, Spike, and Pinkie Pie spent quite a bit of time and effort helping me do research in the main branch of the Kingdom's library (I love, love, LOVE this place). Unfortunately, it didn't take long to confirm my suspicions: a metal cap wedged against a broken horn prevents the growth of new velvet, and as such the horn itself cannot grow any further. Cadance has to know this already. Rarity mentioned wanting hers to grow back, and she isn't wearing a fashion-friendly insanity horn cap of her own, but I doubt that means anything. Nopony has any clue what Rarity's game is in all this.

I sent Spike out to find Rainbow Dash so we could regroup here and share what we've learned. Dash is still certain that Fluttershy is hiding something under her wings, but neither Fluttershy nor Rarity are doing anything openly weird today. While we're all together in neutral territory, I thought it might be useful to slow down and write out the list of events again, because that thing that's been bugging me is still at the edge of my mind. So I'm writing this entry in the library itself. Everypony in the Herd of Five (Spike counts now) knows about my invisible ink, and that's okay.

Backtracking to the very beginning may have already paid off: Rainbow Dash says she remembers seeing a pegasus pony flying in the general direction of Fluttershy's cottage at night, sometime shortly before Fluttershy left for the Crystal Kingdom. It was too dark and distant for her to make out any details, but at the time she wondered if someone was headed out there to keep Fluttershy company that evening, since she'd been so depressed lately. Rainbow Dash asked Fluttershy about it the next day, but she said she'd had no visitors that evening so Dash just put it out of mind. Maybe it's a clue, maybe not. But here's what we know so far:

Day 0: Discord banishes Tirek

Day 1: Discord leaves forever (or so he says), Fluttershy becomes depressed

Day 10: Fluttershy doing better, visiting Mac (I now assume) at Sweet Apple Acres

Day ~14: Applejack notices some apples have gone missing, probably a red herring

Day ~17: An unknown pegasus may have visited Fluttershy's cottage in the evening

Day 19: Fluttershy very excited and happy, and leaves for the Crystal Kingdom to s-

Yes! I finally remember what's been bugging me! Fluttershy said she had "personal business" with Princess Cadance but she never told any of us what it was! Ugh, I'm such a dope! How the buck did I miss that? I just now asked everypony: Applejack and Spike hadn't spoken with Fluttershy directly, Pinkie Pie doesn't remember her exact words, and Rainbow Dash was told she was simply going on a trip to visit Cadance. I'm probably the only pony she said "personal business" to. I really wanted to ask her at the time, but I was going to wait until she returned, and then I guess I simply forgot all about it. Oh, wow. That's a huge weight off my mind.

We're going to have to be really careful. I want to press these points in a subtle way to see if I can finally catch someone in a lie without revealing my hoof in the process, and we're still right on the border of discovery. Every excuse is more farfetched than the last, but the house of cards is still just barely holding up... (I hate to admit it, but if I weren't so worried about my friends, this might actually be fun.) Anyway, I'd better finish the list:

Day 20: Fluttershy arrives in Canterlot, stays a half-day, sees Spitfire, and does ?????

Day 21: Fluttershy arrives in the Crystal Kingdom

Day 23: Cadance sends first note saying Fluttershy isn't around

Day 24: Speaks to Cadance or Shining Armor; Cadance sends emergency note

Day 27: Fluttershy leaves for home, does not stop in Canterlot

Day 28: Fluttershy arrives in Ponyville

Day 29: Hay loft sleepover; I probably get bites here

Day 32: I cast Cure Magical Bites

Day 33: Fluttershy sees me, asks me how I am, seems concerned about bites

Day 35: Rarity's horn missing, she doesn't seem embarrassed or to even care

Day 38: Luna warns me about Cadance's dreams "for many days now"

Argh, why was Princess Luna's warning so vague? Well... "many days now" is consistent with Princess Cadance being fine up until Fluttershy's (possibly unannounced) arrival in the Crystal Kingdom. I still see no reason to question that. All five of us considered the Flutterbat possibility, but I know the magic involved (I mean, I invented it for buck's sake) and even if for some reason she has the ability to revert back to Flutterbat, she shouldn't be contagious except possibly (and this is a very slim possibility) to other pegasus ponies. Plus, being a vampire fruit bat pony (which I suspect is very similar to a nightwing pony, but I can't find any information about Luna's guards or anything else bat-pony related yet) makes you animalistic and crazy and hungry for fruit, and that's it. It doesn't make you chop off horns or any of the weird things that have been going on.

Nonetheless, I cannot avoid noting something. Applejack has reminded me that the bites I received were, in retrospect, exactly what one would expect from a Flutterbat. Er, I mean, the Flutterbat. Or just Flutterbat. (Whatever.) It's still a stretch, because if Fluttershy were still magically affected, I doubt she'd even be aware that she'd bit me in the first place. Then again, the bites did make me feel very strange and antsy and itchy in a way I simply cannot accurately put into words. I've never had that kind of annoying, tugging, inescapable feeling before in my life. It certainly had nothing to do with apples.

Dammit. I kind of wish I'd waited just a little longer before casting that spell on myself.

Day 41 (Fluttershy's Wings)

With the Princess and Prince still busy (heh, it's still hard to think of my brother as a prince), the seven of us coordinated to have a nice dinner at an open-air restaurant together. Somehow, everything went swimmingly, and we were able to talk like normal friends for once without any drama. Everything was small talk, so I don't recall any details worth mentioning. Even Rainbow Dash seemed to be in a good mood; a reminder of better times. Hopefully it won't be long until things are back to normal.

We retired to our respective rooms. I brought a few books from the library back with me, mostly for academic interest. I never did find any on nightwing ponies or odd transformations or other related magical strangeness, unfortunately: there were three books in the catalog (including one very, very old book) but all had been checked out sometime within the past week. I asked who checked them out, but that information isn't available to the public so I would need a writ of permission from the state to force discovery.

I finally gave up on my plan to confront Rarity about her behavior around Spike. There's too much at stake here to get sidelined by small pieces of the larger picture. I'm also exhausted from all this stupid conflict. I never knew friendship could be so completely taxing on my energy.

The Herd of Five met very briefly in the TwiSpiPie-room after Rarishy saddled down in theirs.

Rainbow Dash looked very nervous. "I was afraid of this, but now I'm certain. Fluttershy is missing her primaries."

Pinkie Pie looked confused. "Fluttershy is abandoning her bids for office in the Crystal Kingdom? That's terrible!"

"I doubt that's what she means, sugarcube..."

"Right. Er, wait," I said. "Primaries?"

Rainbow Dash gave me a stunned look, so I knew I'd said something stupid.

"No, don't tell me... primaries, prim— OH!" I said. "Her flight feathers? Are you certain?"

Dash nodded. "One hundred and twenty percent. I can't say she's missing all of them, but she is at least missing most of them. She has most if not all of her secondaries, and primary coverts look fine. It's just the primaries, possibly all of them," she elaborated. "And I'm not sure about this part, but I think she's got some dandruff that might be from shredded bits of feather. That doesn't match the rest of my observations, though. Normally you only see that with damage to the wing, and her wings themselves aren't damaged at all. They haven't been damaged in years. There also aren't any cuts to the feathers, they're just absent."

"Okay. But now, for those of us ponies normally stuck on the ground," Applejack asked in a hushed tone, "are y'all sayin' she can't fly because some feathers done left her?"

"Well, she should be able to glide just fine, but not gain altitude unless there's a thermal," Rainbow Dash explained. "Basically she can't take off unless she jumps off of something high, like a cloud. Even if she does she can't go very far, and she has to keep flapping or she glides downward even quicker. Oh, and primaries don't simply "come out", either. They're like eyelashes: I mean, like, if they all fall out at the same time, it means you have a bigger underlying problem than just some missing feathers. And it stings like hell if they get pulled out. Believe me, I know."

I nodded, backing up Rainbow's account (though I personally have never had a primary yanked out, thank Celestia).

"Oh, and here's one last creepy bit for the spooky treasure pile," she added. "There IS something under her wings, up underneath the coverts and alulas. It's at the edge of the wing, on the underside, and attached. It might go across the entire wing, but it definitely is right around the spot where the primaries should emerge. I've only caught Fluttershy stretching her wings once or twice and it's hard to pick out, but it's there. And guess what color it is."

"Ooh! I love guessing games! Puce? Periwinkle? Transparent???" said Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie Pie, transparent isn't a color," I said, slightly frustrated.

Applejack glared at me. "Let's get back to the point. I think I can guess," she said. "It's copper, ain't it?"

"Bingo," said Rainbow Dash. There was a brief silence.

"Sorry ladies, I don't think I follow," said Spike. "What exactly does it mean if something's copper?"

"It means it matches her earrings," I said, feeling a twinge of fear shimmy its way up my spine. "Just like how Cadance's cap matches hers. It means Rarity probably made it for her."

"Wait! My earrings are copper! My shoes are copper! Does this mean I'm a pod pony too? Twilight am I a pod pony?!?" said Pinkie Pie, gasping for breath.

Spike looked on in horror. "Pod ponies are REAL?" he shouted. Rainbow Dash clamped a hoof over his mouth.

"Pod ponies are most certainly not real," I said. "The fact that Pinkie Pie's accessories are coordinated just means that Rarity made them, and that's all it means."

"But... but why would Rarity do these things, Twilight?" said Spike, his face masked by distress.

"That's what we're trying to find out," said Pinkie Pie, petting my number-one assistant to soothe him. "Don't worry! We'll fix Rarity as soon as we figure out what's wrong, okay?"

"I'm scared," said Spike, and hugged my forearm. I knelt down and gave him a large hug.

"It's going to be okay, Spike. I promise," I said. "Let's get some rest, okay? Tomorrow is another day closer to solving this mystery and getting the old Rarity and Fluttershy back."

I must have sounded a lot more confident than I am; which is, to say, at all.

Day 41 (The Nightmare)

It's the middle of the night. I had another nightmare, which I'll describe next... but it will be hard to write about. You know, journal, I have to wonder if it's even possible for a pony to get used to horrifying experiences, no matter what you do. I suspect that even if you've seen it all, even if you're already mad beyond all words and reason, there might always remain the tiniest, horriblest, something more out there: something that will rip yet another piece of your sanity you didn't even imagine you could have possibly still possessed right off of the raw edge of your fractured mind, like a hunk of crust jerked clean from a fresh, hot loaf of bread. I don't think it matters, though, because the supposition is unfalsifiable. As I learned early in my youth, some things simply cannot be known; and paradoxes of knowledge such as these are, for good or ill, common as grass.

I guess that sounded kind of dark. It's okay, though. Writing this out is helping me keep things together at the moment, and that's a good thing. I'm an optimist, and I always will be. Every problem, every obstacle, is just another puzzle waiting to be solved; and no matter what may occur, hope always survives. I learned that lesson after our first confrontation with Discord, and I believe I've learned it well.

Okay. I think I'm ready to tell my story.

In my nightmare, I was galloping through a landscape, dodging pitch-black shadows that came at me from all angles. They looked like long, featureless spikes, or horns, or hooves. Near breathless, I managed to take flight and escape from them, but everything became blurry. The next thing I recall, I was lying supine in the crystal caves beneath Canterlot Castle, and all of my closest friends surrounded me: Spike, my Ponyville friends, my parents, Princess Luna, my brother and sister-in-law, the Cutie Mark Crusaders... and some of the family members of my friends, as well. The only pony I was surprised not to see was Princess Celestia. Regardless, I felt a great relief wash over me to be among so many of my dearest friends, even if it was a bit awkward to see them above me while lying on my back on the dirty cavern floor.

Then, it began. Everypony around me was happy and smiling when the darkness came out of their bodies. It came from their horns and their wings, from their arms and their legs, and from other places I didn't really see. These long, hoof-like spikes thrusted outwards toward me. I tried to move, or use magic, but as the attack began I was paralyzed by something, maybe just the fear or the shock or the disbelief, and I lay there on the ground with my wings unfurled as dozens of these, these things just abruptly shoved their way painfully up under my pelt and into my arms and legs and wings, pinning me there against the rough cavern floor. There were no punctures or blood or anything gory, but my skin shifted and buckled, writhing with the otherness inside me. I couldn't believe I was dreaming: the pain was far too real. Even writing about this now I can feel it, and it makes me shiver.

Oddly enough, it didn't hurt very badly at first, but of course I pulled away as best I could; and the harder I fought against the invaders to my pony, the more it hurt. What started as perhaps a minor soreness quickly became sheer agony unlike anything I have ever experienced or imagined. I shook violently against the ground as I fought harder and harder to pull free, the pain still intensifying. And the faces of all my friends, smiling, laughing, watching me! Somehow they were making the violation as embarrassing as it was painful, as though it was somehow my fault this was happening. They spoke to me, each of them saying something different, as though they were cheering me on at a competition; but instead of helpful advice like "choke up on the bat" or an encouraging "you can do it", the voices of my friends and family told me to relax and ignore the pain, to stop being such a delicate flower, to just give up already. In my deranged mind, the words they spoke made me feel as though everything, all of the pain and torture, had been my fault from the very beginning.

And then, the worst possible thing happened. I felt my horn itself betray me, bending and twisting atop my head. At first I thought it was simply going to snap in two (which would have made sense for a nightmare, given recent events), but it didn't. Instead, it lengthened and twisted painfully into another, even larger hoof-shaped darkness, pulling downward hard enough to force my head at an impossible angle until it pointed almost directly at my chest. I started to scream, apparently my lungs the only part of my body I yet controlled, as my own horn, or whatever it had become, in this grand, awful crescendo of screaming and darkness and pain, lunged directly into my ribcage and penetrated straight into my heart.

Blessings to Princess Luna, just as I reached the end of all comprehension, everything stopped. I lay there on the cave floor, moaning and crying softly as I curled into a fetal position, barely holding my sanity in check. As I write this, of course I know it was just a dream, and even now, the crispness fades slowly from my mind and I'm certain my mental faculties will be just fine in the morning. But as I lay there within the nightmare, nothing made any sense. As I struggled to regain a normal breathing pattern, the pain was still within me, and it persisted until my muscles finally relaxed. Slowly, I staggered to my feet. Even though things were remarkably vivid, I began to suspect I was dreaming (finally). That was the moment when I heard her voice.

"Princess Twilight Sparkle. I come bearing good tidings," spoke Princess Luna's voice as it echoed around the crystal caverns. I looked around and could not immediately see her, but eventually I saw her reflection up above, across a chasm. It was dark in the area where she stood, so I could not make out any of her features, but her voice had its usual formality with carefully guarded kindness.

"Luna?" I gasped. "Oh, thank goodness," I said, panting weakly.

"Yes, it is I," said Luna, not deigning to leave from where she positioned herself in the distance. "I am sorry about your nightmare, but happy to have saved you from it. I wish I could have been able to prevent this stress from reaching you in the first place, and I apologize for my part in it."

"Your... part?" I asked, feeling a bit dizzy. I dusted my body off with telekinesis, noting my magic worked here just as it does in the real world, probably owing to the lucidity offered by Luna's proximity.

"Yes. I fear I have misled you, but not intentionally," she said. "I have had time to investigate Princess Cadance's problem in more detail, and I believe though her dreams have been highly disturbing of late, the cause is something mundane. You can rest assured that your sister-in-law is in no danger, Princess Twilight Sparkle."

I paused for a moment. "But, that doesn't—"

"I wish you a fond evening free of such unpleasant dreams," she interrupted, and turned to walk completely out of sight.

I reacted quickly. I trusted Luna with my life, but I had to know. From the stories I had heard, her dream magic did not appear to emanate from her horn, and I was not about to miss my only opportunity to reassure myself that Princess Luna remained untouched by this conundrum. Despite the fact that my legs were shaking and my emotions a shambles, I targeted the spot she was headed and crossed my horn that the spell would work. Teleportation is a difficult spell. Only experts who specialize at magic can even attempt it out of line of sight. Teleporting to a location you've never seen before is nigh-impossible, and to top it off I was in a dream, and one that wasn't even under my control.

Fortunately for me, my name is Twilight Sparkle.

I appeared on the ground, well... pure darkness, actually, immediately in front of Princess Luna (I guess she, or perhaps my mind, hadn't bothered to make anything past that point). I stared up at her in a flash, my face a focused laser-beam of pure, unbridled attention. She locked eyes with me, totally surprised (yeah, I was pretty awesome), and in half a heartbeat I was fully awake.

Have you ever had a dream where you felt like you were falling, and then there was this sudden jerking sensation as you instantly woke up, like you had crashed into the ground? This was much worse. I screamed, but clamped my hoof over my mouth almost immediately so it was more of a yelp. Pinkie Pie and Spike were roused by it, but I told them I was okay and they went back to sleep.

It took a moment after I stepped out of bed for the epiphany to register. Being yanked out of the dream realm was so forceful, I very well could have forgotten the detail I'd been looking for. But I was safe, if only because the bragging rights of the amazing magical feat I'd accomplished kept it fresh in my mind: I could remember Luna's face.

Oh, thank friendship! Princess Luna's horn remains completely intact. It set atop her forehead, long and glorious and beautiful and majestic as it had ever been since her last transcendance, and without a single visible spot or blemish to mar it.

However, there is, unfortunately, a minor oddity. Luna's horn had something very unusual resting upon it, down near the base. It was a ring, of sorts, and of a kind I have neither seen nor read about. If it were an earring or some other piece of jewelry, I wouldn't have given it another thought. But rings are almost never worn on horns. In part, this is because in certain cases they can accidentally affect (or be affected by) magic, but the primary reason is that, well, it's just kind of rude. Putting a ring around it is just not something anypony would do in public, and that was as true one-thousand years ago as it is today. Nothing is as "personal" as a pony's horn, for crying out loud. It might even be more personal than your genitals, to be honest. You don't touch it, you definitely don't touch other horns on other ponies, and you don't decorate it (unless, perhaps, you're really, really drunk). It simply is not done. In fact, the only time I've ever seen an actual ring designed for a horn is at a unicorn wedding (such as Princess Cadance and Shining Armor's wedding). We do it for weddings alone, because that's how special it is.

Oh, wow. I didn't even think about this before, probably because I'm still just a bit on the socially dense side. That's what's been bothering me so much about the cap thing. Despite how crazy it is to highlight a broken horn, or even to block it from growing back... It's a horn decoration, which is just obscene. Anypony else in our group might dismiss it as merely odd, but Rarity (who apparently suggested it)? Princess Cadance? My brother? For that matter, Luna, if she's seen it in Cadance's dream projection? None of those ponies would abide by this. This is going to have to come out at dinner tomorrow, there's just no avoiding it.

Anyway, back to the ring while I can still remember the details. It looked like cold-wrought iron, made with a triple helical-twist into a toroid shape. I'm certain I recognised the ancient runes on it, so it's either very, very old, or what Rarity would probably call "ultra-retro". There is a decent chance that Princess Luna just happened to be wearing a personal piece of jewelry and didn't want me to see it, because let's be honest, an ancient horn ring is kinda gross. But I have a sinking feeling it's much more than that. I'm tempted to hit up the castle library, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow and go to the main branch to be less conspicuous about it. I need to know if that ring means something important. I just can't afford to leave a stone unturned anymore.

I've taken the time to write this all down, but I need more time to think, and it's still a little annoying to fall asleep with the earrings in (you need a special tool to remove them, and it's with Rarity). I'm going to to take a walk out in the hallway and try to clear my head, then maybe I'll write some more before going back to sleep.

Day 41 (Eavesdropping)

I'm going to try as hard as I can to write things down without complaining in advance, but Dear Princess Celestia I have reached and surpassed my limits with this one. Apparently, I can't even go an hour now without having some horrible new experience. Nonetheless, the stakes are too high to waste on forgetting all the glorious details, so, here we go. Forgive me, brother.

As I wrote previously, I left Pinkie and Spike and went for a midnight walk. I guess I walked a little farther than I'd planned, and apparently I found the castle's master bedroom. I'm sure there is at least one buffer foyer between the two guards at the grand doorway and the actual bedroom (for privacy), because the area is enormous and there's no way King Sombra didn't like his personal space.

I turned around to retrace my steps, walking around what must have been the back of the bedchamber, mind focused only on the recent nightmare I was still trying to shake off. I have an innate tendency to organize and multitask even when I don't mean to, and as I walked by I telekinetically straightened a painting which slipped and bumped a grandfather clock, and then long-story-short this eventually led to a barely-pony-sized panel in the wall opening up right in front of me. Now, mind you, I'm not actually surprised by this. The Castle of the Two Sisters in the Everfree Forest will probably end up being my personal castle someday: it's the only castle I know of which nobody uses (probably because it's in smack in the middle of an extremely dangerous, toxic forest filled with thousands of deadly pony-eating magical monsters and one unnervingly resourceful zebra shaman) and it's not like a castle's just going to magically spring up in the middle of Ponyville or something. I mean, that's why we were all fixing it up, obviously, because I may be forced to live in that delightful dump someday. Anyway, that castle is positively brimming with bizarre traps and revolving doors. I never bothered to ask if it was Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, or both of them that had a weird fetish for secret passages, but I guess big bad old King Sombra had the candlestick-and-bookcase bug too.

Naturally, I was just about to shut the passage and continue walking (sorry, journal; no interest whatsoever in spying in on my brother's bedroom, I swear). But then I heard something I couldn't ignore. It was Shining Armor saying my name in the middle of a sentence: I couldn't make out the rest, but the "Twilie" was too familiar. They must have been talking about me. I needed to know what was going on so badly, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity; but Dear Princess Celestia, how I wish I had. I honestly do this time: I would go back in time and smack myself so hard, I would do anything at all to forget the events of tonight and let the pod ponies (or whatever) win just to make this one event of the evening not have happened. But stupid, unknowing Past Twilight was blissfully unaware of the fate of poor, unfortunate Future Twilight, and into the narrow passageway I blindly crept like the complete idiot I was. (Fine, am.)

I'd like to take a brief moment to mention that King Sombra was, in addition to a horrible, terrible pony who almost certainly needed to die when we exploded him into teeny tiny pieces, a complete and utterly depraved pervert of an exhibitionist. The reason I could hear my brother's voice is that the passage contains a peephole directly into the bedroom! It was easy to spot, and easy to avoid looking through, so avoid it I did. I still had a few shreds of decency remaining, way back when these events started a whole whopping hour or two ago. (Past Twilight, I envy you so damned much right now.)

"(something) ...is going to be a problem," said Shining Armor's voice.

"I know. Poor Twilight... She's the worst possible pony we could have to deal with right now," said Princess Cadance. "Powerful, dangerous, and impossible to control. My adopted Auntie doesn't even come close, and Celestia's nothing like my actual ancest—MMPH! Mmmmmmn..."

I didn't really know what to make of that. It sounded like she just got force fed a banana or something else weird. Part of me wanted to look, I admit.

"Shhhhh, sh-sh-shhh," said my brother. "You're much better this way, my dearest," he continued, his voice filled with, it couldn't have been... condescension? Sarcasm? I was starting to get really worried, and pretty uncomfortable, so I began tiptoeing away, but then I heard this:

"Fuck. If only we'd had more time. Anypony else, no problem! Even the ~~dike~~dyke or Twilie's little adopted dragon brother, it'd be wham and bam, just like that. Done, finished, game over, happy ending and smiles all around. But there is NO possible way to break my sister properly in just a few days, she's just too bucking clueless! It's maddening! How can she be so talented and sweet and brilliant, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous..." he said.

Um... What. Did my brother just say about me. I didn't get the "break me" thing at all, I didn't know which dike he could have been referring to (there are no rivers that I know of in the central Crystal Empire), and the "clueless" slam hurt. But, I do know what "gorgeous" means, and that's just not something for a brother to say about you, not to mention all the casual profanity. My cheeks burned bright red with, let's say, extreme confusion. Short-lived, at least...

"...yet at the same time, that fine piece of royal ass is the most naive bitch in all of Equestria. Probably in our entire fucking universe. It's all the books, it has to be, I'd be mad at my parents for what they did to her if they'd known any better. Twilie's got so much going for her, yet she is the canonically perfect example of everything that is wrong with a typical mare-cunt*, except, like, a billion times worse. Just, fuck. She didn't even have friends until a few years ago. Seriously! Celestia had to risk the fate of Equestria itself just to get my sister to make the first Sun-damned friend in her peer group, at what, twenty-something years old? A university graduate for fuck's sake! I mean, she's come light-years since, but there's still no chance. You can't change something that incomplete in a single damn weekend, no matter how much you try; oh Luna, how I want to, but you just, fucking, cannot do it."

(* Yes, I am not making this "word" up. It was clear as a bell.)

I think it sounded like Cadance was choking on something, but I hardly noticed. I was trying my damndest not to make a choking noise myself with the tears running down my cheeks. I came to the Crystal Kingdom thinking, despite all the odds, that I was somehow prepared for anything, once again. And I truly was prepared for almost anything. But it turns out I wasn't prepared for this. Not this. Not losing my brother's love, or finding out I never had it, or just not even knowing who he was anymore. I wanted to walk away, but I was frozen with despair, rage, confusion, everything all at once, even emotions that, I mean I still don't know what they are. And somehow, the worst part of all was that it sounded like, despite those horrid names and things that came right from my "BBBFF" (ugh, I'm feel like I'm going to vomit), he was complaining out of some kind of legitimate "concern" for me. He was trying to protect me from... what, myself? What about me needs fixing? How long has this been going on? Why hasn't he ever told me about any of this?

Dear Celestia, what am I going to say to him at dinner tomorrow?

Then I heard a loud sort of plunger-like sound, followed by Cadance gasping for breath. It was weird enough to bring me back to reality. I sniffed quietly, wiping my face clean, and recovered somewhat. Shining Armor still cared about me, and maybe he had been affected by this thing too. It was the only possible explanation. Then there was another odd sound, my sister-in-law yawning, something metal clinking... She started making weird moaning sounds, and I was worried she was crying. My brother... he couldn't be hurting his beloved wife. I would not believe that, not even after all I'd seen and heard. No amount of changelings or pod ponies or evil cursed artifacts could ever make that happen.

It was at that low moment in which I made what probably isn't, but currently feels like, the biggest mistake of my life. I don't think I can be blamed, really. My mind was just not in the right place, not with everything that had just happened. But, I did it. I craned my stupid neck down, and I looked through the stupid hole.

King Sombra's bedroom was like something straight out of my worst nightmares, except my nightmares aren't anywhere near this creative and, as I quite vividly recall, I just had one about an hour ago featuring several dozen hoof-spike-things jammed painfully into my body. The testament to his empire of slavery was everywhere: cages, hanging cages, manacles, weird metal poles and tools, odd wooden boards, things that could only possibly be torture devices of all kinds (none of which I recognized or understood, however), whips, different whips, even more kinds of whips (how many whips could one pony need?), and posts with rings attached to them. The posts were there for the purpose of tying down ponies. I was able to derive this fact, because Princess Cadance, my loving sister-in-law and Equestria's best foalsitter ever, was currently hitched to one of them by way of a velvet rope connected to a metal harness on her muzzle that I really don't care to describe in great detail at the moment.

Now, I can understand my brother taking a while to redecorate, but actually using King Sombra's devices of evil? I was horrified beyond all measure, and of course I immediately realized King Sombra's castle (or something within it) must be having some kind of a corrupting influence over my brother. I mean, it makes perfect sense, as long as you can just disregard the Flutterbat clues and Rarity's mutilated horn accessories and pretty much about half of the other evidence we've already collected. Still, I'm sure it's a big part of the puzzle, and I intend to bounce the idea off of my friends once I'm cogent enough to talk about what happened.

Don't get me wrong. I was more than ready to rush in and rescue Cadance from being tortured my poor, completely insane big brother, and I almost did just that, but then I saw her face, and... I, I just didn't know what to think anymore. Princess Cadance had this awful, goofy-looking expression, like Rainbow Dash after her third mug of cider (or Pinkie Pie after her third barrel). Her head was in some kind of harness, like she was a rabid dog for heaven's sake, and a metal ring forced her mouth open wide as she drooled down one side of the thing, making a bubbly, nasalized moaning sound that could only have been some kind of giggling. Her cheeks blushed a deep red through that soft pink pelt, and sweat collected on her brow. (I immediately felt this weird itching sensation in my legs, and for a moment I thought the effects of the magical bite had come back. Thankfully, it passed quickly.)

I think I understand, if only at some small level. Shining Armor was right about me being naive. I don't have a clue how my naivete somehow ruins his evil plans or ends up destroying all of Equestria, but I admit it: this is a thing about which I know nothing. I could not make heads or tails of this scene in my mind, in any way that made logical sense. Between you and me, journal, I'm a flipping genius and easily one of the most powerful ponies within three kingdoms; but I still don't get it. This experience is as far beyond me as the stars are to a worm.

My brother sighed. "We'll have to be as honest as we can risk it, and hope she just doesn't flip out. And if push comes to shove, well, I guess we shove right back and hope for the best," he said, and then lifted Cadance's tail and tied it to something, a fancy saddle of some sort she was wearing? And then he, then he...

I... I can't actually believe I'm writing this down.

My brother took this long object (at first, I didn't have a good look at it) and he, um. He placed it. On his wife, sort of. Okay, in. In his wife, inside his wife. In her, well... into her butt. The part where poop is supposed to come out, you know the one, right? Yes, I just wrote those words down on paper, in my journal, go me: woo-fucking-hoo. I guess the invisible ink finally pays off, congratulations Twilight Sparkle ingenuity! Oh, and the object, it was all shiny like, like it was wet or greasy or something, and after just a little bit of pressing and some really weird sounds from Cadance it just popped right up in there, yes-sirree. With room to spare, because, yeah. Well, I guess that's why it's nice and large and all back there, I thought to myself. I wonder if my sister-in-law has to write friendship lessons about this to Princess Celestia, I thought to myself? My holy horn, I bucking hope she does. I really, actually, honestly do, and that is not a joke. I don't even care if means my teacher is a pervert too, because that would just be so... perfect.

"Dear Princess Celestia, guess what my husband shoved up my ass today!"

Ohhhhh, but we're not done yet. No, no, no. Not by a long shot.

Then Shining Armor turns to his beloved wife, and he gives her this big, painful-looking hoof-slap on her haunch right over the cutie mark, eliciting a yelp and then a giggle. And then he gets this nasty grin on his face, and my Big Brother, Best Friend Forever says to his beautiful spouse (and by the way, this is burned into my brain for the rest of eternity, so I do, in fact, quote his exact words): "Sweetheart, I think I'm going to have to stop fucking your ass with my cock so often, or this thing isn't going to stay in where it belongs."

Yeah.

Except, I fibbed. It wasn't "this thing" that he said, my goodness no. I was being nice. I changed that part. He was more precise than "this thing", but I really didn't want to accept what I had just heard. Oh, sweet, cleansing magical backfires of the end times, I could actually see it winking at me as it rested there snug as a bug in a rug right up inside my sister-in-law's rectum: a shiny, stone-like solid with, suspiciously, the exact same color as my sister-in-law's pelt. It couldn't have been, it just couldn't have been, but once I heard the words it was absolutely unmistakable: a thing which has no business in anypony's cavernous anywhere, EVER; like some abomination that my brain simply could not process until actually hearing the filthy words spill from his filthy bucking stallion mouth and that's when everything finally clicked and my innocence died forever.

My beloved big brother had just shoved his wife's own severed alicorn horn all the way up her glorious Princess butt.

And I, his lucky little sister, had front-row tickets to the show. But now, for some mind-numbingly stupid reason, some unfathomable reason, I found myself still looking through the hole! as he stands up on two legs and walks awkwardly on them like a teenage alternate-universe monkey to tower over his bound and gagged little wife like she's some kind of sick pet in traction, and then he goes and gropes my sister-in-law in the, well, the other place, and rubs her teats with his left hoof, and then I see this weird thing bobbing in front of my brother and I'm like, gee, what on Equestria is that thing?, why, it looks a lot like my nightmare hoof spikes crossed with a tree branch, and now I have to stop writing completely. That's it, book over, storytime is finished. I am done with using words for the rest of my life. The End. Thank you for reading Twilight Sparkle's Journal of Horrors. No refunds.

In the process of losing my sanity, at least I regained some common sense. I rushed out of that secret room so fast I'd have made Rainbow Dash's head spin (though thank Celestia I still barely had enough presence of mind remaining to shut the secret door). I don't remember the gallop back to my room, but at least I wasn't crying over what he'd said about me anymore. My brother and sister-in-law were both insane, and that was simply all there was to it.

I'm sitting here writing this, emotionally shaken but (surprisingly, to me) still holding things together. I don't want to wake Pinkie or Spike right now, and I really don't want to discuss this with anypony at all, but I know I need to. I'm going to steel myself and have a chat with my friends, and maybe somepony can help me shed the tiniest pinpricks of light into the darkness of the impossible.

I may be a naive bookworm, but I could really use a telescope right about now.

Day 42 (Sex Ed. 101)

It was still the middle of the night when I woke Pinkie Pie. She went to the AppleDash room to wake the others. Spike woke up shortly after everypony else arrived.

"What's going on, Twilight?" Spike asked.

"Spike, this discussion is not going to be appropriate for baby dragons. I need you to go to the AppleDash room and go back to sleep. I may need to wake you later to send a note to Princess Celestia, so you might as well get some shut-eye now," I said.

"Aww!" Spike whined.

Pinkie Pie raised a hoof and said, "Well, it might be okay, I mean, Spike probably knows more about sex than you do Twilight!"

I have no doubt my face revealed my exact level of displeasure.

Spike frowned. "Fine, fine. But it's not about Rarity, though, is it? Because I'd kind of like to know how disappointed to feel."

"Go, Spike," I ordered.

"Okay! Okay! Now, um, the AppleDash room, that's the second one down, right?" he joked. (Yeah, right. I'd let him sleep with the recently-perverted unicorn he has a crush on? I have no interest in a meeting with Foal Protection Services, thank you very much.)

"SPIKE!"

"Fine, your grouchiness," he relented, and exited the room.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "This is going to be really gross, isn't it," she said.

Slowly, cautiously, I described the events of the evening. Pinkie Pie's face was filled with happiness and wonder. (If she were any pony other than Pinkie Pie, I would have placed her in a straitjacket right then and there.) Rainbow Dash made nasty faces, and several times her wings rapid-fire extended (almost hitting me in the face) and she blushed. I need to ask her about that later. Applejack sat stone-faced, seemingly unfazed (this concerned me more than Pinkie, actually).

Once I finished, I shrugged. "My theory is King Sombra's castle or some artifact within it has corrupted my brother," I said. "But somehow, Rarity and Fluttershy are mixed up in this too. It would make sense if Fluttershy hadn't done anything suspicious on her initial trip up here, but maybe the stopover in Canterlot was an unexpected fluke of some sort."

"Clearly some ancient evil artifact has corrupted everypony. We need to find it and smash it," said Rainbow Dash. "I recommend a plan of extreme violence, as soon as ponily possible."

Applejack shook her head. "Um, Twilight, I hate to inform you and maybe Dash of this, but, nothin' you saw happen in that room was necessarily the work of some evil force, or what have you," she said. "Except maybe the act of you goin' an pokin' your eye in that hole in the first place."

"WHAT???" (I'm pretty sure that was my exact response.)

"Yeah Twilight, that's not evil, it's just kinky!" said Pinkie Pie, with a giggle.

"Her horn, Pinkie Pie," I said.

"Well," said Applejack, "if they went and cut off the horn for the sole purpose of stickin' it where the sun don't shine, then, yeah, that might be one step beyond kinky and tell us they're both a few apples shy of a barrel. But if the thing came off by some accident, then well, I'm actually not surprised by the behavior you described."

"Eww!" said Rainbow Dash. "Well, if that's true, then unicorns are seriously disgusting. Alicorns, too. Present company excluded, Twilight."

"No self-respecting unicorn or alicorn would put a horn there!" I protested. "You don't know unicorns, Applejack!"

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "I know plenty, hon, and I hate t'say it, but you are most definitely the exception here."

"Oh! Oh! I know unicorns," said Pinkie Pie. "I've had their horns in my cooter, my pie-hole, even my tubbily-bubbily butt!" she said proudly. Applejack chuckled to herself, while Rainbow and I felt our jaws hit the floor. (Not actually, though; that's another figure of speech.) Then Dash's wings exploded open again.

"She's right Twi," said Applejack. "It's kinda one of the things horns are for, to be completely honest. Well, preferably while still attached to the mare or stallion, of course."

"Mare? Where would a mare's horn possibly... Oh, no, just ew," I said.

"Or in another mare!" offered Pinkie Pie.

"WHY???" I shouted. Applejack gently calmed me down. Rainbow Dash simply stood there stunned with her wings spread wide, contributing nothing more to the conversation.

"Twilight," said Pinkie Pie, taking me by the shoulder and looking into my eyes. "Do you... um... do you not actually know what sex is?" she asked, her voice completely sincere.

I quivered in place, blushing and angry at the same time. "I'm a bucking princess, of course I know what sex is. I've studied it in great detail. I can tell you all of the hormones involved and all the stages of intercourse. Granted, I never really studied the details of the hormonal pathways past the intersection between the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis—"

"Oh for buck's sake Twilight! That ain't sex, that's biology," said Applejack. "And sex ain't just intercourse neither, intercourse is like, a tiny seed compared up to a mighty apple tree. Look, darlin', this ain't somethin' you know squat about yet. You're just gonna have to take our word on it about what's normal and what ain't."

I sat on the floor, dejected. "But, I... why don't I know any of this?" I asked, my voice cracking. Applejack sat with me, leaned forward, and took me gently by my shoulders.

"Look... We been meanin' to tell you, hon, for quite some time now," said AJ, her voice suddenly very soft. "We were kinda thinkin' that Flash feller might end up learnin' you a thing or two, but Rarity and Pinkie and I, well, we've talked about an intervention on more than one occasion. Just to make sure you're like, not hurt later on," she explained.

I gulped. "Well, okay. I want to learn more, but obviously now is not the time. I promise to trust you two, even though what you're saying makes no sense to me at all."

"Well, I'm glad we have two "sex-experts" in the Herd of Five," said Rainbow Dash, sarcastically. "Who could have expected that would come in handy."

"Sexperts!" corrected Pinkie.

"Well, I certainly ain't no "sexpert", but it ain't my first rodeo neither, so here's what I can tell you for sure," AJ continued. "Hog-tyin' a filly like that might be a little odd, but it ain't unheard of, and neither is the silly grin on her face when it happens. It's just somethin' your brother and sister-in-law like, and that's probably all it is. Now, if your brother were hurtin' her real bad against her wishes or somethin', and she was too afraid to stop him or tell somepony, well, that'd be another story entirely. But the horn thing ain't too weird unless they cut it off on purpose, in which case we probably have every right to be concerned."

"So that's it?" said Dash. "This, this is all just, I don't know, normal weirdo behavior?"

"Well, hold on now. Shining Armor talkin' about his sister bein' a fine piece of, well, we all heard it: that ain't entirely natural. It's still possible that it means nothin', though," she explained.

"But how could Cadance even listen to that without being out of her mind? Shining Armor is her husband! He's supposed to love her!" I said.

Pinkie Pie shook her head. "Loving one pony doesn't stop a pony from loving another pony," she said. "It just means she's not jealous, because she trusts him."

"I just can't believe this," I said.

"Hold up now, I ain't finished. None of the talk about 'breaking' Twi and Spike and Dash—"

"Wait, when did he say my name?" interrupted Rainbow Dash.

"Not now, Dashie," said Pinkie Pie. "Your bestest friend Pinkie Pie will explain all that later. Oh! Twilight, that reminds me. Can I borrow your book and pen and get you to shine the magic light thingie for me? I think I might need to fix a word in your last entry."

I idly turned on the magic light while listening to Applejack. At least screwing with my journal kept Pinkie Pie distracted for a while. I did hope she wasn't just reading through it, though.

"A-hem," said Applejack, picking back up where she left off. "As I was sayin', none of that other talk was normal conversational material. Your brother don't have any right to any of us, not you, and 'specially not the little 'un, and for him to talk like he does is a real big problem."

Rainbow Dash looked right at me. "Well, he's trying to do something and I guess he thinks any one of us could stop him, but you're the only one with any real chance," she said.

"Because Rarity and Fluttershy are already on his side," I added, glumly.

"Mm dnn!" mumbled Pinkie Pie with the pen in her mouth. I took the bottle and pen from her before she could make a mess, and quickly scanned the last few entries to make sure nothing untoward had occurred.

"Thanks Twilie," Pinkie added. "Oh, and I'm always on your side! I don't know how that could ever change," she said.

"Me too, sugarcube. No matter what, and that's the truth."

"Dude, I'm like, the Bearer of Loyalty. There's not a chance in Tartarus I'll take off."

"I know, girls, and I thank you all for standing by me. I trust each of you implicitly, but... I would have said that for Fluttershy and Rarity before any of this started, and they changed so quickly. I'm still really scared," I said.

"Well," Applejack said, "we'll just have to be up front with you if we start to feel like betrayin' you or cuttin' off body parts, cause then at least you might see it comin'."

"I realize you're probably joking, but that's a good idea Applejack," I said. "Each one of us has to be vigilant about how we feel. Any changes at all, any odd feelings, anything weird, and we tell the whole herd, just like that. No matter how small." Everypony else nodded. Applejack looked extremely tired, however. "AJ, why don't you get some sleep?"

The farmpony yawned and nodded her hat to us. "I'm goin', thanks. We'll pick this up at sunup."

"Oh, AJ! I'll join you later. We can make the AppleDash room the ApplePieSpi room!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Yeah, whatever," said Applejack as she exited the room.

Dash furrowed her brow. "Well, I'm fine sleeping here with Twilight, but why aren't you joining AJ now, Pinkie?"

Pinkie Pie grabbed us both and hugged us close to her chest. "Because! I'm going to give you the full rundown! Well, the full verbal one, anyway."

My eyes widened. "You're going to tell us all about sex. Right now," I asked.

Rainbow Dash winced. "Oh, I don't know if this is a good idea."

"It's a great idea! Don't worry, it'll only take a few minutes. I'll just give you the very basic details so Twilight won't be completely lost the next time the subject comes up."

It took another ninety minutes. But it was important, because I learned so many new things! I still have questions galore, of course, but those can wait. Checklist of all sex things I just learned, for future reference (although I knew a couple of them already):

* Sex is almost always for fun.

* Sex is not always intended to make babies.

* If you have sex in a way that makes babies, there are ways to prevent it.

* Sex is for friends! Like, your husband should be your friend first.

* Sex is an advanced kind of friendship, maybe...?

* "Horny" is how you feel when you want to have sex (not just unicorns).

* Sex is anything that makes somepony feel horny, or enjoy feeling horny.

* Sometimes it can be hard to tell when sex starts happening.

* Pinkie Pie recommends cuddling your friends just to be sure.

* Sex can occur by yourself (I really need to ask more about this one).

* ...or with two or more ponies of any genders/sexes. (What's the difference?)

* ...or with things that are not ponies. (I did not inquire further.)

* Some ponies strongly prefer sex with particular kinds or genders of ponies.

* A lesbian is a mare who prefers other mares. Right Dashie?

* Rainbow Dash is not a lesbian.

* Some ponies think they can keep what they like a secret, but they can't.

* For the last time, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash is not into girls.

* Some ponies can't even admit to themselves what they like. They are silly!

* A lot of ponies do some really weird things when they have sex.

* Weird sex things are called "kinky".

* I don't want to list the kinky things. Rainbow Dash and I are now scared.

Pinkie left to join AJ, and Rainbow crashed here and snored (I guess this is now the TwiDash room). I spent too long writing this, so I may need to sleep in. Either way, tomorrow morning I'm sending a note to Princess Celestia (and to Luna, by proxy). She needs to know there's big trouble brewing, and that her adopted niece is involved in it.

Day 42 (Research)

My sleep was uneasy, and I woke up even later than expected. Rainbow Dash, Spike, and Pinkie Pie were already somewhere else, but Applejack was still catching zees. I decided to speak with Fluttershy and Rarity.

I knocked on their door. "Just a minute, dear," Rarity called out, and I heard the sound of aerosol spray. About twenty seconds later, the door opened. Rarity's mane was a bit mussy, as though she'd been taking an uneasy nap. The air smelled strongly of cherries and something else a bit sour I didn't quite recognize. I could see that Fluttershy was lying down in the bed, pretending to sleep.

"I was hoping I could come in for a chat," I said, smiling a bit sheepishly.

"Of course! Come in, Twilight," said Rarity, practically yanking me into the room. She shut the door behind us. "You five have kept to yourselves so much it's almost like Fluttershy and I are on a vacation by ourselves," she added, a twinge of resentment in her voice.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, Rarity," I said, sitting on the bed. Fluttershy made a soft "eep" noise (I must have sat upon her tail at first, oops), and then pushed herself upright, body still beneath the covers.

Rarity nodded. "Well, hopefully tonight's dinner party should fix everything up. We really miss our friends, Twilight," she said, pouting. She placed a hoof around my shoulder, sitting on the far side of the bed.

"Oh, yes," said Fluttershy. "I can't wait! Twilight, I know you're afraid to trust us right now, but I promise things are going to be just so wonderful for everypony, and very soon."

Rarity pulled me forcefully down onto the bed, and sandwiched me between her body and Fluttershy's. "We heard that Pinkie Pie had been giving you lessons," she whispered in my ear. I must have been blushing really hard, and for some reason I lost control of my wings.

I reacted out of instinct, teleporting to the door. The light from my horn shone on Fluttershy's face momentarily.

"Wellthat'sgreattohearguysIlookforwardtothedinnertonightgottago!" I said, quickly exiting and closing the door behind me. Not before hearing playful giggles coming from both of them, though. I forced my wings down with my hooves, and tried not to think about how awkward things were becoming.

Fortunately, the discovery I made during the teleport was sufficient distraction. Just as this ink I'm using is visible only under magical light, something appeared in Fluttershy's earring when my magic activated. It was a replica of Big Macintosh's cutie mark. I'm not sure how Rarity did it: you can't alloy a nonmetal like quinine with metal, so she must have found a different approach. Either way, it's clever.

At first I worried it meant something dire, but it's just her coltfriend's cutie mark, so it made perfect sense. However, I realized I might be unwittingly wearing some kind of badging mechanism. I rushed back into my room and looked in the mirror carefully. Magical light revealed nothing in the marble surface of my earrings, fortunately.

I currently presume that Cadance's earrings bear Shining Armor's cutie mark. Possibly the cap as well, but I don't really want to think about that at the moment. But then, what about Pinkie and Rarity? I don't need to know who their coltfriends are at the moment, but I'm a little concerned that Rarity gave Pinkie Pie a set of copper earrings without any warning about the symbol that might be on them. That suggests either Rarity knows who Pinkie Pie is dating, or gave her a blank pair like mine, or gave her a pair with an arbitrary somepony's symbol (but I can't imagine Rarity doing such a thing).

I'm going to have to resist the temptation to look at Pinkie Pie's earrings. No matter what I would see, it's probably none of my business and it won't help me unravel the mystery anyway.

I walked into Applejack's room to ask if she wanted to follow me to the library, and I discovered her in the bathroom up against the full-length mirror. She was trying to look at something. Something in, um... a sensitive place.

"Oh! Sorry Applejack, I didn't see you there," I said, covering my eyes and walking out.

"No, wait! Twilight!" she said. "I, um, I need your help with somethin'." She sounded embarrassed.

I sighed. "Okay, let's just do this and get it over with. You need me to look down there, right?" I asked.

AJ nodded. "Yeah, but just on the rear side of my teats," she said. "Ah'm real sorry about this Twi, but I have a strange tingly feelin' and I don't think it's the natural type... if you catch my lasso."

"Wait, you think it's a Flutterbite? When did this happen?" I asked.

"I presume," said Applejack, "sometime while I was in the room alone last night. 'Cept, I guess I wasn't alone after all."

I steeled myself and crouched behind my friend as she lifted her tail. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I couldn't help but catch a glimpse "up above", and while she wasn't as, er, "out there" as Cadance, she still looked very little like me. Her vulva was wiggling a bit, and looked wet for some reason. I averted my eyes at that point. Privately, I have to wonder how much of these differences are due to "experience", and how much of them stem from natural variations in anatomy.

So, onto business. I presumed that Applejack meant caudal by "behind", and this supposition was accurate. A few centimeters caudal from her teats (and a bit off-center) were the same unmistakable marks I had previously seen on myself. As a strange aside, that odd scent from Rarity's room hit my nostrils again, but this time it wasn't masked by cherry-scented aerosol. It was sour and rather foul, but somehow pleasant nonetheless? Very weird. The wound was clean, so it shouldn't have an odor to it, but maybe that's not where it was coming from.

I stood up and shivered for a moment, and the scent subsided.

"What's the verdict, Twilight?" Applejack asked, turning to face me.

I nodded. "Yep, you've got the bite marks alright. Fortunately I have just the spell memorized, and..." I froze in place. "Oh horsefeathers."

"Oh no. Twilight, cussin ain't what I need to hear right now," AJ begged. "Please tell me you can fix this."

I grimaced. "I can, but not without modifying the spell first. I'm pretty sure I remember all the details, but I just realized it was specifically designed to affect the caster only!" I revealed.

"Well, how long is that gonna take? Like, an hour? Half a day, maybe?" she asked, nervously.

I closed my eyes. "Five days, maybe a week. I might be able to pull it off in two days, but I'd need a way to give myself multiple different kinds of magical bites to do it, and I don't think the dwarf sheep they raise here are the magical-biting kind. And even those projections are assuming the spell is easy to modify, which I don't think it will be. It was a very unusual spell, and poorly documented," I said, my voice pained. "Oh, Applejack, I am so sorry. Please forgive me."

Applejack looked downcast, but then put on a resolute face. "It's okay, Twi. Ain't nothin' to forgive. I'll manage as best I can, and give you updates," she said. "At least in the worst case, you can chart the progress of the bite and find out what happens, exactly."

"Okay. It didn't start to get really bad for me until about, oh, 36 hours after. Give or take a few hours," I said. "If you want us to drop everything and push to find a cure, just say the word and we'll do it, Applejack."

The farmpony shook her head. "Nothin' doin'. We ain't got much time left, in all likelihood, and you need to spend it researching somethin' we can actually use in the meantime," she said. "I'll hold this fort down as long as I can, and I'm sure we'll make it out of this smellin' like a batch of roses. You and me been in tougher scrapes than this before, filly."

Applejack grinned half-heartedly, and I hugged her tightly. I know we both hope her optimism holds true. She told me she'd be exercising outside of the castle in the meantime, to keep her mind occupied off of the odd sensations, and that sounds like a good idea to me.

Ugh, I really need to find Spike to send that letter. I probably should have done it last night, but I was just so tired. Fortunately, Spike left a note in the bathroom saying he would be at the library working and waiting for me to show up. For some reason, he seems to have taken my magical scrolls with him, because I can't find them in my saddle-bags. This shouldn't be problematic, though. Even if somepony broke in and stole my scrolls (which I doubt, since I've been around them almost constantly) I can just get more at the library main office. The last time I came to the Kingdom they had plenty of Celestia-addressed magical scrolls there.

I'm at the library now, and we have a big problem. Spike doesn't have the scrolls, and (of course) Prince Shining Armor came by two days ago and withdrew the entire lot. Fat chance I'll see any of those. I may be able to conjure up a way to communicate with Princess Celestia remotely without scroll technology, but it would probably take a day or two before I could even perform the first experiment and we just don't have that kind of time available. I should have distributed valuable items like these among the entire herd, but I didn't think far enough in advance. Stupid, stupid, stupid alicorn!

Fortunately, Spike really came through for us this time. He made excellent progress on two separate fronts. The first (and more amazing of the two) is he somehow located an ancient book that speaks of a prophecy involving (surprise!) six friends and a flower-box. The description is in an older dialect, so it's going to take a little work for me to determine just exactly what it's trying to say. I checked it out so I can work on it later (and I even have permission to take it on an extended sabbatical back to Ponyville; being a Princess does have its advantages).

The second front is less amazing, but much more important. Spike discovered that one of the books we'd been looking for which discusses the Lunar night guard was held behind the counter. I suspect it was intentionally reserved so we wouldn't be able to access it, which means we are definitely on the right track this time. I can't check this one out, so I'll write down what I find a little later. But first, I need to research the ring I saw on Luna's horn.

Okay, I found information on the ring in a Canterlot history book, and well, it's not looking good for the home team. Apparently, it's called a ounckse (not entirely certain how to pronounce that correctly: my best guess is OONK-say). An ounckse is a specially-enchanted ring made from cold-wrought iron that completely suppresses all horn-based magic when worn by a unicorn or alicorn. The reason I've never seen one before is that they're proscribed by law! They became illegal hundreds of years ago because they were deemed too stigmatizing to be seen in, and other advances in enchantment technology made them unnecessary. (Today we use temporary enchantments of the horn itself, which are invisible to the eye, when transporting unicorn detainees; we also use local enchantments on rooms, metal bars, and the like for long-term magic suppression.)

Well then. Princess Luna's horn may have been intact, but her magic certainly wasn't. It's just like Rarity and Cadance, but a little less conspicuous, and much more temporary. Despite that, it's even weirder than a missing horn: being unrestrained, Luna should be able to remove her ounckse at any time. Why would she want to prevent herself from using magic? Was she trying to resist some kind of temptation to use her magic during our brief contact?

I'm afraid by the time I'm done here, Princess Celestia may be the only authority figure I can trust anymore. We have to leave the Crystal Empire the moment the train station opens for departure.

Last notes from the library. I'm not sure how relevant this is, but the Lunar royal guard are composed of nightwing ponies, a subrace of pegasus ponies with greater strength, lower mobility, a nocturnal cycle (rather than diurnal), and excellent vision in low light. All known male nightwing ponies in Equestria vanished one thousand years ago when Princess Luna was banished, because Luna kept every single one as her personal guard (which isn't all that odd, considering there weren't many to begin with). The females interbred with other Equestrians, mostly pegasi. Nightwing ponies are still born in nature, but this is an extremely rare event and the nightwing will usually lead a solitary life because they're nocturnal. (Oddly enough they look just like Flutterbat, but I must assume the similarity is only superficial.)

That's pretty much all it says in the book, but I can put together some more pieces from what I already know. Princess Luna returned almost four years ago, and later on we learned that her royal guard returned with her. The nightwing ponies, all of them male, must have been unconscious for one thousand years, just as their Princess was. They served her as Nightmare Moon, but they had little choice in the matter and it was for less than a day so I don't think that's anything to be concerned about. There were two dozen or so males in her guard (according to the book), so they presumably all live in Canterlot now and will take their wives from among the general populace. I have to imagine they're very popular among the elite (rare, specially talented, royal: the trifecta of high society).

I just checked the time, and I've been here for several hours. I'm going to have to head back now and get ready for the dinner. I honestly have no idea what will happen next.

Day 42 (Attire)

We're about to head to our formal evening feast with Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor, but I have a moment to write, so I might as well describe our dresses. Rarity brought one outfit for each of us (even Spike), and they're amazing, as always. She also insisted on doing our manes and tails to match. However, there is one tiny problem.

In polite society, clothing is used for four purposes: decoration, badging, utility, and comfort. Now, if you grew up in a small community, you might think that more clothing equals more modesty, right? However, this is not usually the case. With a few rare exceptions (almost all of them utility wear), clothing is designed to draw attention to the pony. A lowered tail and our constant familiarity with nudity make being naked as a jaybird just about as modest as it gets (for equines, anyway).

Fashion is all about drawing attention to the curves of the body, and pulling the eye to what you wish to highlight. Proper fashionable attire will showcase the face and mane, the curves of the withers and croup, and perhaps the haunch and cutie mark. Daring fashion uses subtlety to guide the viewer to, shall I say, less appropriate areas of the body, but it does it in a clever way that makes it seem playful. Fetish wear is intended to force the viewer's eye somewhere it would never ordinarily go.

As I'd feared, all of the outfits Rarity brought with her fall into the last category. The old Rarity would never have designed anything this smutty. I wouldn't allow these outfits to be worn around Spike if I had any say in the matter. However, we need to dress up for our feast, and something in my gut tells me my brother and sister-in-law will not be disappointed by six ponies and a dragon dressed like a herd of (pardon my tongue) whorses. (At least the dresses are gorgeous, I suppose.)

One odd note: it's very common to hide the cutie mark with a skirt, but it looks as though our outfits were designed to allow the cutie mark to show through, then intentionally modified to block each mark completely from view, almost as though Rarity changed her mind and altered the dresses later. Even curiouser, the typical use of the bearer's cutie mark as a motif for a fashionable ensemble is conspicuously absent. This is despite the fact that each dress is clearly intended for one specific pony (style and color coordination make this quite obvious). Each of the dresses also features a small amount of gold or copper, which makes them look expensive (Spike's is the exception). Only Rarity and I have the gold accents. She mentioned to me that copper might be more appropriate for my personality (whatever that means), but the gold matches my tiara, so she went with that.

Rarity's dress is by far the most intricate of the seven outfits, so I'll begin there. It's a skirt and saddle combination made predominantly of black vinyl with gold accents and a small amount of blood-red organza. The haunches are covered tightly by vinyl and a strap around each thigh above the stifle (from flank to rump, in other words) holds them in place. The vinyl is sectioned and sewed together.

One special piece extends from the top of the rump and collects around the dock of the tail in a collar of sorts made from tight ruching of the vinyl. It covers the first dozen or so centimeters of her tail, and forces it to poke directly upwards, creating a beautiful fountain-like effect of curly violet hair. It's simply incredible: I've never seen anything quite like it before. It might be appropriate for an evening out if it weren't for the fact that the caudal side of the dock is uncovered, as is the entire rump. Instead of a proper covering, two loose curtains of sheer red organza cup each cheek. They attach at the sides of the dock and at the top of the lower straps, and there's a substantial gap between them where everything is basically just, well, hanging out there. (Yikes.)

Her saddle area features one of those cupped, seat-like saddles with a golden horn at the withers-end. It's made of vinyl, wraps tightly around the barrel, and has a poofy organza trim connecting it to the haunch-pieces. The "seat" is thick and firm, and quite apparently was designed for Spike to ride atop it (I'm not kidding; more on that in a moment). The saddle has two straps with golden triangles dangling at the end of each one. Rarity calls these "stirrups", and I think they're designed for Spike's feet to rest in. She says there are additional pieces which are even more inappropriate (a collar, reins, and a muzzle-piece), but she chose to "hold back for the sake of modesty". (Did I neglect to mention that my friends are going completely bucking insane?) There are also two golden rings whose purpose escapes me, so they must be simply decorative: one on the cranial side of the tailpiece, and one through the metal saddlehorn itself.

Spike has a black-and-red tuxedo which matches Rarity's dress perfectly. It would be adorable, if it weren't for the draping on the front which delicately skirts around and highlights his... ugh. His "sheath" area, I suppose would be the most anatomically correct way to say it. Spike begged me desperately to allow him to ride Rarity into the dinner, and I reluctantly agreed to it. If we're going to be doomed to look like the stars of some illegal pornographic showcase, I might as well be nice to him while I still can (everything is about as inappropriate as it could be anyway, so I've pretty much given up trying). To make matters even more horrifying, Spike now has a, um... he has a minor wardrobe issue. Involving the, let's say, erectile tissue of a male dragon, which I have only viewed in my peripheral vision. I am unbelievably embarrassed by this, and he is blushing as well but doesn't seem to mind it nearly as much as I do. I didn't even know he was old enough to do that in response to visual stimuli, so maybe he's already hit puberty? Or perhaps it's more of an autonomic reaction, as I've heard can happen with young foals. Dragons are something of a mystery, either way. One of the reasons I allowed him to ride Rarity is that she suggested if he holds his (once again, I cannot believe I'm writing this down) penis against the saddlehorn it may cool it enough to force it to retract. I'm not going to glance over to see if it works. I never want to see that part of my number-one assistant's anatomy, period.

I'm a terrible guardian, I just know it. If our situation were any less weird, I'd be petrified of losing custody of Spike because of all this. He deserves better. I'm so sorry, Spike, I truly am.

I'll give a shorter description for the rest of us. Fluttershy's outfit is a silken teal and spring-green affair, completely sheer except for the straps which block her cutie mark. Her mane and tail are woven together in a tight braid which pulls her head tightly enough that the combined braid hovers above her back. This forces Fluttershy's tail to go straight up whenever she shyly drops her gaze, which is a pretty clever tactic to counteract her shyness I must admit, but an extremely obscene way to do it. She is constantly blushing, but smiling nonetheless. Rarity wanted to braid Applejack's tail into her mane a similar way, but that wasn't about to happen so instead she braided the tail separately and wrapped it into a braided bun. AJ is wearing tight, dark-brown chaps and a similarly-colored saddle (which also seems designed for Spike). It sports a copper saddlehorn, similar copper "stirrups", and some brown-dyed silk rope used as accents to connect the pieces. Pinkie Pie's tail is tied down flat to her back with multiple neon cyan and yellow straps of nylon fabric, leaving nothing to the imagination, but Pinkie doesn't seem to mind. Her legs feature fishnet stockings, one in cyan and the other in yellow (there's a lot of color criss-crossing on her outfit, sort of harlequin-like), and a large circle of copper metal blocking her cutie mark on either haunch. Rainbow Dash is in a dress that looks like a cross between a running suit and something a pole-dancer would wear; it's difficult to describe, to be honest. The fabric is a sheer chromatic white using rainbow hues. At the moment, it looks like she's an even mix of embarrassed and pissed.

As for my outfit? Sorry. I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just say it uses muted, deep red and orange and violet hues, and it looks a bit like a wedding dress that's three sizes too short. Oh, and Spike could ride this one too, which will probably happen sometime around never. The accents are gold rings. They match my royal tiara (which I'm wearing) very well, but that's not exactly much consolation. I like the manestyle, at least. It features an odd sort of straightened braiding of my mane which makes it look like it's made of ribbons (my tail is similarly styled).

We're about to be escorted to the dining hall by a couple of guards. I hope neither of them is Flash Sentry, but I'm all but certain he'll be assigned to take us. Everypony knows I have a crush on his double from an alternate dimension, and surely he must know it by now as well. (Arrgh! How did this sort of thing get out so quickly?) Anyway, the guards are going to get quite a show, and they'll probably think a lot less of us because of it, but we might as well get this thing over with. I'm so eager to finally have some answers to my questions that I can almost ignore the dress I have to wear.

Applejack looks like she's chomping at the bit, she's so nervous. It might be the (presumed) Flutterbite. I really hope she's going to be okay.

Day 42 (The Dinner)

Memory isn't a solid record of events. Rather, it's a hodgepodge of interconnected detritus that you quite literally create inside your mind every time you "remember" something. One recollection of an event can be completely different from another recollection of the same event, even in the near term. Additionally, it's very rare for memory to be accurate (or even close to accurate) when an event is emotional. This is one of the reasons there are undoubtedly a large number of ponies in prison on mistaken eyewitness testimony for cases like mugging or rape: to pretty much anypony, the hoof of a victim seems like the most credible form of evidence there is. In reality, that impression could not trot any further from the truth.

I don't want that to happen to this journal. To that end, I've taken precautions (magical, that is) to ensure that the what is correct in my recent journal entries, and I will continue this habit. The how, of course, is still in my voice and as such is just as flawed as ever. I realize this, going back and reading some of my old entries, but that's okay because my voice at the instant the record was made is a big part of what I'm trying to record. However, due to my preparations, I can at least be certain that the words appearing within quotes are exactly what I heard; notwithstanding the small but unavoidable possibility of mistakes in my hearing or transcription. With that in mind... here goes.

As I'd predicted, Flash Sentry was, to my dismay, one of the two guards sent to escort us to the royal dining hall. The other guard was a crystal unicorn I don't remember having seen before. Their eyes lit up like Hearth's Warming Eve lights once they saw what all of us were wearing, and as ashamed as I was for looking like an expensive prostitute, I must admit that it briefly made me feel... special, somehow? The crystal stallion reacted in a very embarrassing fashion (or at least, one specific part of his body did). He had to turn around quickly and adjust himself. Flash was able to keep things under control, but he still blushed as he wore the widest smile I've ever seen on a pony who wasn't Pinkie Pie.

"You look amazing, Princess Twilight Sparkle, as do each of your companions," he said. It was rather gentlecoltly, though when he took my hoof in his to lead me out into the hallway, he did so surprisingly forcefully. It was kind of a cross between being guided and herded? I don't know why, but it made me feel helpless and warm inside all at the same time, and I couldn't help the silly smile that must have crossed my muzzle. I think I might be coming down with a cold or something. I could hear giggles from Rarity and Fluttershy behind me as Flash and I led the procession. The other guard took up the rear, which probably didn't help his problem any given the obscene view decorated beneath everypony's tails. That strange scent was in the air again as we walked. I'm starting to think it has something to do with embarrassment.

We finally arrived. The double-doors were opened for us by the guards, and Flash Sentry announced our arrival to a room devoid of any ponies aside from my brother and his wife. A large spread had already been served at the central table.

"Presenting Her Royal Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle; and Her esteemed companions," Flash announced, at full attention. I've noticed he has excellent posture. I walked into the room, blushing furiously. After we all entered, the doors shut behind us, but I could still just barely make out:

"Oh my Sun they are so HOT!!!"

"Shhh, be professional. But, yeah. Especially the Princess. I can't believe she's so humble, yet breathtaking all the same..."

Then the voices trailed off.

"Twilie!" called Shining Armor, from the head of the table where he sat. My brother and sister-in-law have never cared to stand on formality, fortunately for me. They were both well-dressed, however. The Prince looked very smart in a red and black tux affair similar to Spike's. Cadance's outfit was, well... very much like mine, to be honest: it was clearly designed by Rarity to match. Her hairstyle was highly elaborate, similar to the style Rarity did for her when the Kingdom bid for the Games, but without all the crystal elements. Maybe I should start thinking of her as my slutty cousin, I joked to myself. Internally, I was just trying to lighten my mood. (It didn't work.)

We sat together at a small table, quite intimate. Places were marked. From Shining Armor's point of view, Cadance sat on his right, then Fluttershy, then Rarity, then Spike. I sat to his left, followed by Pinkie Pie, then Applejack, then Rainbow Dash. I kept a close eye on Rarity and Spike for any potential shenanigans.

"Wow, you all look just incredible," he said softly, and I felt my brother's eyes wandering slowly over my dress. Had he been any other gentlecolt, I might have been less creeped out, maybe even a little flattered. It was weird, though. Maybe I was still a flattered anyway? Ugh. I don't want to think about it.

Rarity looked up to my brother and smiled, and Shining Armor nodded at her (not sure what that meant). "Why thank you: some of my best work, if I may be so bold," she said.

"Yeah, apparently it's from her new 'Royal Whorses' line. Too bad there hasn't been a red-light district in Manehattan in centuries," I said, under my breath. A little bit too loudly. (Intentionally.)

"Twilight! Be nice," said Spike, a pained expression on his face. Rarity didn't look my way, but kept her cool.

Cadance nodded at Shining, who nodded back. There was some kind of unspoken communication going on here, I could tell that much. She began loading her plate with salad from the serving dishes on the table, and spoke: "Why don't we start with some small talk before we leap into, well, where we all know this awkward conversation is probably headed?"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Great, even more waiting. At least there's food," she said.

"Mighty good food, too, by the looks of it," Applejack said politely. She heaped a pile of greens onto her plate, then sat, shifting nervously as she did. It was clear she was very uncomfortable, and I knew why. I need to figure out how to help her. If I can't cure the bite, maybe I can figure out a way to help her manage the symptoms at least.

"Well," Rarity began, after another glance was exchanged with the Prince, "we've had a simply wonderful time here so far. Your citizens are all very friendly, and even without my outfits on display we definitely received a compliment or two on the way to the castle."

And so it begins, I thought.

"It wasn't a compliment," I said. "It was a whistle, and it was rude. Illegal, if you want to get technical."

"Eh, sorry guys," Dash said to our hosts. "I agree it was pretty rude, but Twilight gets a little more annoyed by things than most of us. But, you're her brother and sister-in-law, so you probably already know that."

"A simple whistle isn't illegal in the Crystal Empire," Shining Armor informed the table. "Twilie, you've done research on the Crystal Kingdom before. You know these ponies have recently jumped forward about a millenium into the future. They don't have the same reservations here that we do back in Equestria."

"Well, maybe they need to move forward into the present. We have laws for a reason, Brother. Stallions have a hard time keeping it in their sheaths," I said. "That's a statistical fact. If we let something like this slide, soon they'll think they run the empire."

"Wow, sexist any?" said my sister-in-law under her breath.

"Shh, it's okay," Shining Armor said, calming Cadance with a gentle hoof on her shoulder. "If my sister wants to think I don't deserve to run an empire because I'm a stallion, then well, that's her problem."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Shining. I didn't mean it that way," I said. "I just mean, a wolf-whistle is sexist, and it's behavior that should have consequences."

"Um," Fluttershy said very softly, looking up to our hosts. Shining Armor smiled, and Fluttershy continued, "Twilight, and I'm very sorry to mention this, but... if you weren't allowed to whistle back, then maybe that might be sexist. But nopony is stopping you, so I really don't think it has anything to do with being a stallion or a mare."

"Gee, this salad sure is delicious," Applejack interjected very nervously. "Is that fennel I taste? Princess Cadance?"

My sister-in-law closed her eyes for a moment, then looked directly at me. "Twilight, be honest. I'm not knocking your rote knowledge, but how much experience do you really have with sex?"

"Polite behavior in society has nothing to do with sex!" I said.

"Um, actually, Twilight, I think, well... maybe it does, just a little..." said Fluttershy.

"Be nice, girls. Our good friend Twilight doesn't know any better, and it's our job to help her," said Rarity, looking over to me with a smile. Wow. Rarity was really starting to get on my nerves.

Shining Armor cleared his throat after a large bite of food. "Twilie, stallions have needs. And despite the fact that there are three mares per stallion in cities with a large garrison, and a ratio of five-to-one in places like Ponyville, around one-third of them never get married. Why do you suppose that is?" he asked.

I paused for a moment. He was right: I knew the statistics, but I didn't know the reason.

"Okay, I guess you got me," I admitted. "I honestly don't know why. Are you suggesting it's because they can't harass mares and get away with it?"

Applejack coughed. "My, my, I think this here grub's on par with Granny Smith's cookin'!" she said, blotting the sweat from her brow with a napkin.

Cadance exchanged a glance with her husband, then spoke. "Stallions can't get away with anything in Canterlot, Twilight." she said. "Did you know that when your brother was wooing me, he was arrested for harassment?" she asked. "We're both damn lucky your family was rich and influential enough to get the charges dropped. If he'd been anypony else, we wouldn't be married right now."

"What? Why?" I asked. "So he gets a misdemeanor, big whoop."

Pinkie Pie looked toward us for a moment as though in thought, then shook her head. "No, Cadie's right," she said. "You can get, well, screwed for any crime in a sexual context, no matter how small. Pun not intended. No, wait! Pun intended, but also without the pun. I've been really lucky given how hard I party. Plus, I'm a mare, so it's a lot safer. Mares have less to worry about than stallions because we rarely get charged with anything, but if you get a misdemeanor and you can't afford a lawyer, then you're on the registry, and that's game over for your social life."

"Okay, okay. Maybe the laws are a bit far on the side of protecting mares..." I said.

"You think those laws are protecting mares?" Cadance asked. "Stallions aren't a separate species, Twilight. They're our fathers, our sons, and our husbands. Not to mention our brothers," she emphasized. "What harms stallions harms society."

"Okay already," I said. "I know the law, but I obviously haven't considered all of the consequences. If your point is that reform is needed, then that's worth considering. However, Equestrian society has been humming along perfectly for the past few centuries, so I doubt it's as big of an issue as you seem to suggest."

"Well," said Applejack, sounding sullen, "I have a brother I'm very close to, so I gotta agree the law's a bit too strict. As one of the most eligible bachelors in Ponyville, I've had to chase courtship-minded mares away with a stick." She then motioned with her hooves. "I mean an actual, physical stick, like, this big. Even before he reached the age of emancipation, back when he'd have been up a crick should any funny business happen. Tain't fair. It's good that Fluttershy and him get along so well, except for all the weirdness beggin' your pardon, but I'd rather not discuss Big Macintosh any more at the dinner table without him present."

"You can't blame mares for acting that way," said Shining Armor. "It's very hard for mares to find a stallion."

"I agree," I said, "but that's just an unfortunate statistical fact. There are too many mares, and there's no ethical solution to the gender disparity. Besides, it's not a huge issue. It just means the most committed mares will be the ones with husbands. I mean, Princess Cadance found you, right? Fluttershy found Big Mac..."

"I dunno Twilight," said Spike. "I'm not trying to join the pile here, but Cadance is a Princess. Fluttershy's helped save Equestria like, at least twice? It's pretty clear that Celestia's been using magic to keep the fame away from all of us, but we're still celebrities and it's starting to show. No amount of magic will hold it back forever. Heck, there's a giant statue of me right outside!" he bragged.

Et tu, Spike? Great.

"Exactly. The rules aren't the same for those of us sitting at this fancy table," said Shining Armor. "For the average mare, there's little chance of getting a mate, unless they like other mares. Surprisingly enough, it's almost as hard for stallions, not to mention much more dangerous."

Rarity paused, looked toward our hosts for a moment, and then spoke. "Most straight couples are expected by society to raise very large families in order to keep our population at a static level. A family of less than five children is frowned upon, unless they're ponitarians who spend a lot of money on endowments, such as your parents," she said, then took a deep breath. "My parents have been oft criticized for failing to produce more children. Mother is barren and can't have more foals, but they shy from social engagements with others. I can't invite them to a lot of the events I go to in larger cities."

"Well, I have total squat to bring to this conversation," said Rainbow Dash, who then switched culinary gears by grabbing a large slice of lava cake while everypony else was still on soup and salad. (Rainbow is the type to eat dessert first, I should mention. No impulse control. But she's our friend, and we all love her for exactly who she is.)

I sat there and pursed my lips, thinking. "I never really thought about it that way. I just don't see any alternative, though. Things are safer since the Equestrian Kingdom clamped down on... improper behavior. Do you really want to go back to a time when a stallion could just walk right up to you and slap you on the mark?"

"No offense to Shining Armor, but do we even need stallions?" said an exasperated Rainbow Dash. At least, I think that's what she said. It was hard to make out with her mouth stuffed with cake.

"Oh Dashie," said Pinkie, giggling. "But seriously Twilight, I've done matchmaking services and it's tough. Even when ponies find a good soulmate, that doesn't mean they want to do the "horizontal pony tango". The guys are horny but way too scared, and most gals aren't wise enough about sex to even know what they want, let alone how to grab for it. Kinda like you Twilie! No offense, though."

"So, then what's the solution here? Are you suggesting that stallions should have multiple wives, or harems or something else degrading to the mares involved?" I asked, confused.

"I don't know, Twilie," said Shining Armor (though the way he said it, it sounded like he did know). "We need to do something about it, because this problem isn't going away. Stallions have basic needs and they can't satisfy them. Mares do too."

"Ugh. Stallions can control their libido. It takes discipline, and my brother should know that. You were Captain of the Equestrian Royal Guard, for Celestia's sake!" I said.

My brother's face suddenly went very serious. "We lost fourteen guard stallions in the space of a year to unsubstantiated rape charges, Twilight. Fourteen! I tried my best, but I couldn't protect any of them," said Shining Armor. "One was a close personal friend of mine, and I know for certain he'd never lay a hoof on a mare. I'm not sure if he's still alive, but two of the others committed suicide shortly afterwards."

Ouch. I'm starting to realize how good I am at stepping right into emotional landmines.

"That's... okay, that's really, really awful, and change is needed. But mares don't cry rape. Most rape charges are legitimate," I defended.

"I'm sure many of them are," he said. "But these were all unsubstantiated, and most weren't reported by the mares themselves. It's usually another guardsman who reports it out of fear he'll get in trouble too. That's all it took to ruin the lives of my soldiers at an average rate of one per month. We actually have to include that figure in our fucking recruitment drive planning because we know we'll lose soldiers."

"Guys, can we maybe simmer down just a peck, hmm?" begged Applejack as she waited for some soup to cool. "We can get along just fine without all the cuss words flyin'. This is a nice spread of food here to miss out on by feudin'."

"Okay, wait a minute," said Dash, completely ignoring AJ as she wiped some cake off her mouth with a napkin. "You said most of the claims of rape are true, so that means it's not exactly the system's fault. If you knew who did it, then maybe you'd have eleven or twelve ponies in trouble instead of fourteen. Why don't they keep it sheathed?" said Dash.

Cadance rolled her eyes. "Rainbow Dash, 'rape' doesn't even mean rape anymore. It could have been a grope, or a bump, or cuddling up against a sleeping mare, or even just a lewd comment. It could have been completely harmless, or even consensual," she said. "Nopony publishes the statistics or even individual case details to inform the public what a particular "rape" meant. It very rarely means that actual sex happened. And in most cases, the mare didn't lodge a complaint, and is not permitted to speak in his defense."

I frowned. "These are some very serious problems, and I'm having a hard time believing any of it. I don't know details to refute it, but it seems so far-fetched that Princess Celestia would actually allow something like this to happen," I said.

"Well, I do know, and we're not exaggerating, Twilight. Not reporting potentially unwanted contact is as terminal of an offense as being involved," said Shining Armor. "With magic as prevalent as it is in major cities, nopony knows whether they're being monitored or not. So there's no safe way for a stallion to satisfy himself without getting married first, which is both unnecessary and frustrating for mares who stand even less of a chance at finding a stallion unless they find him early."

"Casual sex isn't illegal," I pointed out. "There's no reason ponies can't, well, do sex, if for some reason they have to, without getting hitched."

My brother shook his head. "Prostitution is illegal except in rural areas like Dodge Junction, where it's useful mainly because there are protections in place to keep everypony anonymous," he explained. "When it comes to casual sex, some mares will try to sabotage prophylactics so a stallion who needs release will inadvertently get them pregnant. That sounds horrible, but it's pretty much the only shot many mares have at getting a stallion to marry them. So wise stallions avoid sex for as long as we can."

"There's prostitution in Dodge Junction?!" I gasped. "That's not legal in rural areas! It's supposed to be illegal everywhere," I said.

Applejack coughed. "I should have mentioned that to you I guess," she said, "but at the time I didn't realize it wasn't obvious. Everypony else knew. I mean, the Cherry Hill Ranch don't sell just one kind of cherry, if you follow. Why else would a farmer dress like that?"

Pinkie Pie nodded. "Yeah! That's actually why a lot of ponies move out there, from what I hear. Where'd you think I picked up that dress I wore for my performance in Appleoosa?" she giggled. "A lot of stallions there have multiple wives, too..."

I was starting to feel pretty stupid, not to mention reeling from the culture shock.

"This is just... it's all so new, and it's too much for me to process right now," I said. "Let's just say I believe you. If the system is actually this screwed up, why hasn't anypony done anything about it?"

Rarity looked at the royals, then to me. "Princess Celestia," she stated in a plain monotone. "The good Princess means well, but she has gone to a lot of trouble to engineer Equestrian society to be... highly sanitized. There is no tolerance of dissent, either in political process, or even in social research."

I shook my head. "That's beyond impossible. Now I know you're making things up."

"I think we might be able to enlighten you on that," my brother began. "Twilie, you know the biology of sex at the very least, right?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, but internally I cheered. Nopony was going to beat me when it came to pure scientific knowledge.

"Then you probably know that, qualitatively speaking," he said, "the difference between a stallion's sex drive and a mare's is pretty much like the difference between firing a ballista and spitting a spear out of your mouth."

"That's a ridiculous analogy, but I agree in part," I said. "Biologically speaking, when ponies and other euungulates evolved from beasts to people of language, testosterone became the primary hormone regulating the initiation of sexual behavior for both sexes," I said.

"Oh my holy horsefeathers, Twilight," Rainbow Dash moaned, planting both hooves over her face. "Why do you have to pick now to be such an egghead."

An evil grin crossed Cadance's face. "My, how fascinating. Oh, Twilight, did you know that estrogens still affect the sexual arousal of mares? They have a synergistic effect with testosterone, but they aren't produced by most of the same stimuli," she said. "Mares can get just as horny as stallions if you know how to tune us properly."

"What?! That's crazy! I've never read that anywhere," I said. "And I've read more books on biology than everypony else in this room put together!"

"You don't know how much I read, so don't flatter yourself," said Cadance, coldly. "You want to know why you haven't seen that particular factoid anywhere? It's because that knowledge is illegal in Equestria. Feel free to read up on it here in the Crystal Kingdom where Princess Celestia hasn't censored it," she said smugly. I think my jaw hit the table (not literally though).

"Princess Celestia would NEVER stand in the way of open scientific inquiry!" I responded, my hooves shaking the table (I guess I was pretty angry). "I can't believe it. I won't. There is no bucking way."

Fluttershy coughed to get everypony's attention. "I'm really sorry to tell you this, Twilight," she said, pouting a bit. "But Cadance is right. I know from my animal studies. Some of the older animal husbandry guides were overlooked, and so they haven't been, um... sanitized yet. It gets mentioned quite a bit because arousal doesn't work the same way in beasts as it does in ponies and other people, like sheep or buffalo."

"But, it doesn't make any sense! Why... why would she do this?" I said, dumbfounded. I guess I sounded pretty hurt, because the tone of the conversations softened a little.

"You already know the reason," said Shining Armor. "To keep stallions from being able to arouse mares, pure and simple. Another sacrifice for that "polite" society you're so quick to defend."

As much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to see their side of things. A lot of it made sense. Yet I still wasn't hearing any solutions to the problem.

Cadance nodded. "You know I had education training, yes?" she said, directly to me. "I never told you this, but I had a close friend stung by the law too. She had an affair with a fifteen year-old stallion and somepony found out. Now her life is ruined."

I bristled at that one. "That's not a stallion, it's a colt. It's abuse, and as an educator she has no business—" I said.

"Oh for the love of Luna, Twilight, it wasn't her student!" Cadance interrupted. "And she was only twenty-three! You can't honestly tell me there aren't ponies who look like they're our age who aren't well under eighteen years old. Even if he faked an ID that said he was eighteen, it would have been just as illegal because mistake isn't a defense when the crime does not require intent."

"Irrelevant. It's abuse by definition, so it's rape," I said.

Spike coughed nervously. "Twilight, I..."

"Spike, what? What is it?" I asked, exasperated.

"I'm not saying I agree with any of this, but that's the first time in my life I've ever heard you defend something just by using a definition. I mean, without using logic to back it up," he said.

I felt very small, but recovered after a moment of shock. "Okay, fine. Let's just jump to the chase on this topic, because we're still not on the subject we came here to discuss. Does anypony in here think sex can be bad? Rape? Sex with foals? Incest? Bestiality???" I asked.

Fluttershy whined softly and lowered her head until she could barely be seen.

"Oh, Fluttershy," said Rainbow Dash, grimacing. "No... I'm just going to choose to not believe that one."

"I'll give you rape, at least any sensible definition of it. To rape a mare then leave her to suffer the aftermath, that's about as evil as it gets," said my brother. "Ponies need to be responsible for what they do to other ponies, and do things in a responsible way."

He paused momentarily, as though deciding just how far to go in this direction, then continued in a calmer voice. "But, rape happens for two reasons: one pony persists, and the other resists or otherwise does not consent. There's more than one approach to help stop it."

I sat there, staring at the stallion I thought I grew up with. "I... I don't know who you are," I whispered.

"That's not what he means, Twilight," Cadance said. "We're not justifying rape! Rape is a terrible thing. But we have a way to virtually eliminate it, and make everypony very, very happy in the process. You and your friends will be happy beyond your wildest dreams," she promised in a very creepy tone.

"Do you want to see what mares really like, Twi? What they need?" Shining said, and reached up with a hoof, grabbing Cadance's mane and yanking it backwards and up. She... there's really no other way to say it. She blushed like a schoolfoal, and moaned like a whorse.

"Alright, THAT'S it," Rainbow Dash shouted, wings up as she kicked her chair backwards. "I've had about enough of this mare abuse crap, and I've had even more of this not knowing what the buck is going on crap. Twilight ask something relevant for buck's sake so we can leave the weirdos and get out of these nasty-looking outfits."

Rarity gasped. "How DARE you!" she yelled, standing up.

"Rare, shut your fucking mouth, right now," said my brother.

Bizarrely, Rarity politely sat, nodded her head, and smiled sweetly, her anger vanishing in an instant.

"You do not talk to my friends that way!" I screamed, even though my brother was a barely hoofstep away from me.

"She's my friend too, and she likes being talked to that way," he smiled. "I'm going to bet you've never bothered to ask her how she'd like to be treated, have you?" Shining Armor asked. "You just assume that everypony wants the exact same things that you want, and then you go right ahead and give it to them. Don't you, Twilie? Isn't that what you do? Isn't that what rape is? How is the way you treat ponies any different?" He released his grip on his wife's mane. Cadance sat back down, trying to smooth out the now-ruined manestyle. "I mean, Twilie, I know you. Next to my wife, I consider my little sister to be my best friend. But you don't even know how you want to be treated, and that's because nopony has helped you learn."

"I... I just want to be treated with respect!" I said.

"That's not going to get you off, dear sister. The way our parents raised you, you've probably never had an orgasm in your whole tree-bucking life," he accused.

"Whatever. Mares don't need orgasms to enjoy themselves," I mumbled. It was a dumb thing to say, but I didn't want to admit I knew pretty much nothing about the topic of orgasms. Beyond the hormonal factors which influence it, of course, such as oxytocin release into the bloodstream. Of course, oxytocin also doubles for milk letdown, and probably ten thousand other things. The pony endocrine system is unbelievably complex. (Er, sorry, got sidetracked. Back to the insanity.)

Shining Armor's face grew sympathetic. "I'm trying to help you, Little Sis. I can show you a world you've never been able to imagine," he said, taking my hoof in his, delicately.

"Please listen to him, Twilight. He'll be so gentle with you your first time," Fluttershy begged. "Everything will change, and we can all be happy again, the way it used to be... no, wait. It's more than that, much more. It'll be even better, Twilight. I promise! Please..."

It took a long moment for what was happening to register in my brain. I mean, it couldn't be, I thought. It just couldn't. But slowly, inexorably, I began to understand just exactly what my brother was offering me. My eyes widened in horror and I stepped back away from the table.

"There's nothing wrong with it," Cadance said. "Your brother loves you and he wants to help. I want to help. Everypony here wants to help. We're your friends, Twilight! Just give us one chance, and you will see things our way."

"Oh buck no Twilight," Applejack said. "Sorry foalks this just got way over the deep end, even the way I'm itchin' over here," she said. "Pinkie, grab Spike. Twi and Dash and I are headed out, right now."

"Aww! But it was just getting interesting," Pinkie whined. Just then I noticed she was eating from a bucket of popcorn. Where did she find a bucket of popcorn? I'm certain it wasn't on the spread.

"No," I said. "Answers. I at least get those. What's with the horns?"

"You're not ready to know, because you continue to refuse every attempt we make to reach out to you," my brother said.

"Fine. What is Applejack's bite?"

"One of your friends gave it to her. I don't know which one. Fluttershy isn't the only vampony sitting at this table, sister dear," Shining Armor said, cocking his head at me.

Always a showboat, Rarity smiled abjectly in my direction, light glinting off of her fangs for just a fraction of a second... but then said nothing. Spike started quite literally shaking in his little boots from fear, just before Pinkie grabbed him.

"Oh shit. Okay. Alright. So... is that it? Bite turns you guys all weird? You plan something with Luna's guard, then use Fluttershy to bite my friends and fuck them all up in the head, and then take over Equestria or something so mares can get raped? How close am I?" I said, gritting my teeth.

"Taking over Equestria is a bit of a stretch, and this has absolutely nothing to do with rape. The infection isn't essential, but it helps a lot. You'll find out with AJ, anyway. She'll probably stay on your side for quite a while. She's stubborn, and quite frankly, she needs a good stallion to correct her," he explained.

"Oh FUCK you," spat Applejack. "As if every mare needs some stallion to tell her what for!"

"No, not every mare," said Cadance. "But you do Applejack, and so does Twilight. We know you both well enough to know exactly what you need. For buck's sake, dear, we can smell what you need from across the dinner table." I looked over at Applejack as she blushed, and I honestly couldn't tell where anger ended and the embarrassment began.

"As for the planning," said Shining Armor, "you're pretty astute, Sis, just as I'd predicted. But you have things in the wrong order. We didn't do a damn thing to Fluttershy. She's the one who came to us, and we weren't hard to win over because she's absolutely right. We knew firsthoof about the issues with Princess Celestia's overly-polite society, and what she brought with her sealed the deal."

"How can you plan to do these things when ponies are going to be hurt by them?" I asked, the pleading clear in my voice.

My brother sighed and looked at Cadance. She took a breath and spoke: "Twilight, everything we're talking about... it only hurts at first, just like the first time you have sex. It doesn't matter if somepony doesn't want something if they'll thank you for it later. We know you'll be grateful..."

"That still ain't right," said Applejack. Pinkie had already grabbed Spike and pulled him to our side of the table. He still looked pretty freaked out.

"I just can't believe any of this, it's too much," I said, backing away slowly.

"We love you, Twilight," Fluttershy said. "We're your friends. Why can't you trust us, just this once? All you have to do..."

"No. Just, no, no, no no no no no! Last night I was starting to think that sex was some weird kind of friendship, but now I can see it just makes everypony crazy," I said.

"Not all sex is as crazy as your brother trying to bone you, Twi," said Pinkie Pie. "Honest!"

"Well, that would pretty much need to be the case," I said. "And brother, these "answers" are not exactly clear. Vamponies? Unspoken plans? The whole horn thing? I know that cap won't let it grow back, by the way," I revealed. Cadance just smiled sweetly.

"You're not ready for answers, because your mind isn't open to receive them. You're a virgin mare, Twilight. You can't think clearly because you've never been laid. You're a genius, but you've never been smart enough to let a stallion do the thinking for you," my brother stated in a condescending tone. The words burned my flesh like hot coals.

"FINE. Last question. Now what?" I said. My horn began to glow fiercely.

Shining Armor looked around himself and shrugged. "You're free to go, of course," he said. "We're not the ones who believe in inhibiting other ponies' freedom. That's your deal. You and Princess Celestia are the ones basing society on a thin set of lies that cripples everypony and keeps them from enjoying themselves, but clearly you don't believe it's our place to even speak our minds about it."

"What? You're going to give me all this shit and let us just... walk out?" I said, not intent on lowering my defenses.

"Yes. You can stay here tonight, and leave tomorrow or whenever the weather finally clears," he explained. "Or if you don't trust us, go hide in the alleyways outside and sleep there, if you're paranoid or something. I don't really care. I mean, I do actually care a lot, because you're my sister and I still love you. I just can't help you until you're willing to listen to reason, or at least try something new."

"Sorry, for me, sex with my brother is not something new," I said. I saw Cadance smirk and it took a moment to realize what I'd just said.

"Oh Twilight, eww..." Spike said, shrinking back. "Please tell me that didn't mean what it sounded like."

Pinkie Pie laughed, and even Applejack chuckled. I wasn't happy, but I can't really blame them.

"Not what I meant, guys," I said, my cheeks bright red no doubt. "I'm not the pervert here. I'm the normal one!"

"Matter of per-spec-tive," said Rarity. She gave me a very sad look from across the table. Not passive-aggressive, not contempt, just a look of... pity, I guess.

"Okay, fine. We'll sleep here, and leave in the morning," I said. "Rarishy... er, I mean, Rarity and Fluttershy, are welcome to come with us or stay here. I don't care what they do anymore because they've both lost their minds." I was trying very hard not to cry. "Oh, and you can shove that horn back up my sister's ass, too, just like you did last night!" I shouted.

Dammit. That was a critical mistake. I knew it right after the awful words flew out of my dumb mouth.

"Who said it isn't already there, sweetie?" said Cadance, smiling serenely. Rarity flashed Cadance an approving, "Oh, really?" look. Cadance raised her brow once, maintaining her smile.

"WHAT?!" Spike shouted, only to have his ear canals blocked firmly by Applejack's hooves.

"Heh, that kind of nonsense ain't appropriate for the young'un over here, at least not so long as he's on Team Sanity," she said.

But Shining Armor looked absolutely stunned.

"Twilight Sparkle," said my brother. "Were you... spying on us? In our royal bedchamber, the most sacred place in the entire castle? The only privacy that regents can be afforded?!"

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. "I, I, it's not like that, it was an accident... I heard my name, and there was a secret door, I swear I'm not the pervert, it's y-you," I said, ducking my head in shame. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"Shh, shhhh," Shining Armor said, and picked me up and hugged me gently. For the briefest moment, I felt at home in his arms. I wanted to close my eyes and pretend this was all a bad dream, and that he was my brother again, and everything would be alright. So I let him hug me, and I started to feel better. But after a brief moment, he whispered something in my ear...

"Twilie, I am so proud of you." There wasn't a hint of sarcasm in his voice, and I think I know how to read my brother even better than his wife. Needless to say, I broke the hug in terror and galloped straight for the door.

"Someday you'll listen to reason, Twilie. We'll be friends again. Good friends. Friends like you can't even imagine," he called after us. It sounded more like a threat than an attempt at reconciliation. "Come see us before you leave, if you still don't hate your brother too much to say goodbye forever," he shouted as we passed through the door.

He sounded terribly hurt, but then I guess we're even.

Applejack carried Spike, and we ran nonstop back to the two non-Rarishy rooms. I'm sure we passed the guards but I wasn't looking. Fortunately Pinkie's sense of balance had mostly returned by now, so she was able to pronk at full tilt without danger. I almost kept up with everypony else. They were waiting for me outside the rooms when I got there.

"Shit, Twilight. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit!! Shit!!! Horseshit!!! What do we do?" Dash asked, panicking. "Use that massive egghead brain of yours and get us out of this mess and fix it fix it fix it!" she ordered, bonking me painfully on the noggin as though my head were some kind of a coconut with a golden treasure hidden inside.

"Stop that! Okay, okay, let me think. Look, we have to get to Princess Celestia. She's the most powerful mage in Equestria, and she'll have a solution to fix our crazy friends, she'll just have to," I said, my nerves completely shot.

"Why... why was her horn in her butt, Applejack? Why was it there?" asked a distraught Spike. AJ promptly shushed him.

"So, that's it? We just run away to Canterlot?" said Pinkie Pie, then paused. "Hmm. Way too simple for a typical Twilight Sparkle strategy... but I like it!" Everypony else nodded in agreement.

"Okay, fine. But I don't want to stay here tonight, Twi," said Rainbow Dash.

"Look, the doors and in both rooms deadbolt and the windows lock," I said. "I know he's not the same stallion, but my brother has never lied to me. If he says we'll be left alone this evening, I think we actually will."

"We cannot take that chance, Twilight," said Applejack, shaking me by the shoulders. "Trusting your brother, or whoever the buck that stallion in there was, is no longer an option."

"Well we can't hide anywhere in the Kingdom either," said Spike. "Everypony knows us. And flying out could get us all killed."

"Killed sounds good," said Dash. "Let's do that. I like that idea a lot more than being bitten and raped. Er, no offense AJ."

"None taken," she said flatly. "And I need to talk to you privately Twi, once we're in a safe place."

"Okay. I have an idea," I said. "I can cast an alarm enchantment on both rooms. If anyone so much as looks at the doors or windows funny, everypony will be awake. Then I can blast a hole or two in the walls and teleport ponies down and back in a matter of seconds. It won't be pretty but it will work."

I noticed everypony was looking at me and frowning. "What, is that not good enough? Well..." I asked, my voice cracking with sincerity.

"That's not it," said Pinkie Pie. "You're just crying really hard and it's making us all feel super bad for you."

"Oh," I said, not really realizing. "Well, that's part of why we have to do it this way too. If I don't recover emotionally from this soon, then we're all doomed."

"The plan sounds fine, sugarcube," said Applejack. She glared at the others, who then promptly agreed.

"Can we PLEASE take off these horrific clothes?" said Dash, tugging at her costume.

"Yeah," said Pinkie. "But let's drop them in front of Rarishy-room. I don't think it'd be fair to be nasty to the clothing, it didn't really do anything to us. At least, not intentionally."

Each of us carefully disrobed and tossed our dresses on the pile. I'm not willing to enter their room again, so I'll have to wait until Canterlot to get these stupid earrings off of me. I've set up the alarm enchantments, which should keep us pretty safe. Our room is now strictly the AppleTwi (TwiJack? dammit Pinkie now I'm doing it) room, so I can talk to AJ about her issue in private. Pinkie Pie wanted to call Rainbow Dash and herself "CottonCandy" because of the respective colors of her and Rainbow's coat, but this confused Dash a lot so the other room is now RainbowSpiPie. I know all this naming is stupid, but it's a welcome distraction. Pinkie Pie is crazy like a fox. She's been the glue holding us tethered to reality through all this awfulness. It's amazing to me how being insanely silly can actually do that.

Applejack has very patiently waited for me to finish writing this, but I'm not crying anymore. Just kind of numb and feeling helpless and hopeless, but tomorrow we'll be on the train and headed to Canterlot. It's not possible for Princess Celestia to have been compromised, given everything I know about her (and I still have an ace or two up my sleeve). This is the low point of my story, and it's time for the comeback. We'll fix our friends and come out better and stronger for it, or ~~I'll stuff my own horn up my ass~~.

Er, no. Forget that, scratch it out, I still won't do that no matter what happens. But friendship will prevail, and not even Celestia herself will be able to save the stallion or mare who tries to block me from my mission. Playtime is over, fillies and colts.

Crap. I just realized: I didn't eat a single bite of food. I don't want to leave our enchanted rooms, though. I'll just have to pick up a bite later on.

Day 42 (Applejack's Problem)

Applejack sat on the edge of our bed. Her cowpony hat rested on the nightstand. It was kind of odd to see her without it on. It was almost like seeing her naked in some kind of naughty way, since she so rarely took the thing off. Her entire body was shivering, and that odd scent was strong in the air. I put the journal down and sat beside her. I felt awful for her. I didn't know what to do.

"I just don't understand why it's getting to you so quickly," I said. "You must have taken in more of the pathogen than I did."

"Maybe. Not like it matters now, anyway," said Applejack. "Um, but I do have a favor to ask, Twi, which is why I needed to see you in private. I... could really use a hug?"

I smiled. "Of course! That's what friends are for, right?" I said, and gently reached around her with my forehooves. She hugged me back, rather firmly, but just the act of making contact caused her trembles to subside. I marveled at how powerful a simple hug could be. It was making me feel a thousand percent better, too!

"Oh Twi, I love you so much," she whispered, her voice shaky. Her hooves gently stroked my back. A couple of weeks ago I might have considered this to be creepy, but all the crap I've been through has put things in a better perspective. I was helping her, and at that moment, that's all that mattered.

"I... um, well, I guess I love you too Applejack," I said. "You're one of my best friends, not to mention one of the best friends anypony could hope for." What I said was true. The use of the word "love" was weird, but no biggie. The stroking on my back was actually kind of nice once I stopped resisting it. I need to learn to be more comfortable with intimacy, I thought to myself... it's not always about sex, and being comfortable is so much better than feeling awkward all the time.

But then it started getting weirder. Applejack gently nuzzled at my neck, and slowly inhaled against my mane. "My sweet apples, sugarcube. Your mane smells so nice. Everything about you is so wonderful and nice and perfect. I just... I can't even begin with the right words. I don't wanna ever let you go, Princess," she said, and sighed softly.

"Um, Applejack? Are you... okay?" I asked, trying to pull away from the hug, but she wouldn't let go. Her strong forelegs held tightly to my body. I had zero chance of pulling out of any earth pony's grip, let alone the strongest, most muscular mare I've ever met: having pegasus and unicorn natures was still no contest. I could teleport out of her grasp if I needed to, but that would be rude.

I pushed back a second time. "AJ, please let go," I said, starting to get worried.

She released me, and looked startled by her own actions. "Oh! Oh, no, no, no. I... I'm sorry sugarcube, I really am, please forgive a dumb mare. I... I just need it so bad," she said, begging me with her eyes. "Could we maybe, just for a minute or somethin', like... lie down on the bed together? I mean you don't even need to hold me, I could just hold you and that'd be enough, I swear it, oh please." She had a look of desperation practically etched into her face.

I sighed. "Sure. I don't really understand it, but if it's what you need, then I'm glad to help. I only wish I could help more," I said. She was very relieved.

Applejack then pulled down the covers of the bed and slipped inside, which kind of surprised me. I didn't think she'd want to hold me in bed, like, actually where we sleep, but it seemed fine. We'd both prepared for bed already. The hug had been so comfortable before, I figured I might even fall asleep during it.

I climbed in next to her, facing away as she held my by the midriff. She tucked her muzzle in against my neck. Noticing that heady scent in the air, I decided to say something...

"Applejack?"

"Y-yeah sweetheart?" she said. I think I blushed something fierce.

"I just want you to know, you don't need to be embarrassed around me," I said, trying to reassure her.

"Oh. Well, I guess I am a little, because of this need and all... but it ain't bad. Feels right, actually. Real right," she said, whispering very softly in my ear. Actually, I'm sure I was blushing at this point. My cheeks were hot.

"That's... strange," I said. "I thought I had identified that scent as some sort of embarrassment-based pheromone which wards off ponies for smoothing out awkward situations. I guess it must have been censored from my books, or something? But I still can't believe that Celestia would—"

"Twilight," Applejack said, interrupting me, her voice back to a normal tone. "Are... are you kiddin', darlin'? Don't joke with me now, filly, this just ain't the time." She sounded nervous. I wanted to turn and face her, but it was incredibly comfortable lying there with her. I didn't really understand why, but it was like a prolonged hug from my brother. I mean, from before he went insane.

I gently cupped my forelegs over hers where they rested around my barrel. "I... well, it was only a hypothesis," I said.

The pony holding me inhaled in a timbre that could only have indicated surprise. "You poor, sweet little mare. I don't know how you could possibly confuse... wait," she said, pausing for an uncomfortably long moment. "Nah, it just ain't possible."

"W-what's that?" I asked. I was worried. I was certain I'd done something wrong without realizing it, yet again.

"Twilight, you DO know what that bite was doin' to ya, right? I mean, the feelings it was givin' you, you know what those feelings mean?" she asked. I felt her thighs flex against mine.

I gulped. "Well, it was itchy and annoying, like I said. And it would get worse if I flexed the muscle near the bite... and I'm starting to feel it again, too, so I'm kind of worried I didn't cure the whole thing, unless it's contagious through some kind of airborne infection—"

"Holy horsefeathers, filly. I can't believe this," she said, her voice thick with pity. "The scent has nothing to do with embarrassment, Twi. That's just what a mare smells like when she's horny, because of the juices and such down there. Haven't you, I mean, like... Haven't you ever, you know, touched yourself? Ain't Princess Twilight Sparkle ever masturbated before?" Applejack asked, clearly dumbfounded by my inexperience.

I felt a shiver run through my body. "I... I..." I started, blushing and on the verge of tears. "Yes, once or twice, okay," I answered, and sniffed. "It was a long time ago, and I felt horribly dirty about the self-abuse, so I never did again..."

"Oh Twilight," Applejack said softly, holding me tight. "Shhhh. Sugarcube, there ain't nothin' abusive about touchin' yourself. What's abusive is not doin' it, to be honest. Tain't normal to hold that kinda thing in. You need to be brave about this, hon. You're tryin' to fight a sensible war against whatever it is we're up against, but at the same time you're fightin' a crazy one against yourself. If you can't tell the two apart, we're all gonna be in a heap of trouble."

"Trouble?" I bit nervously at my lower lip.

"Twilight, whatever this thing is that we're up against, whether it's vamponies or perverts or changelings or whatever, sexual innocence is somethin' they'll be able to exploit," she explained. "It'd be sad, but admittedly kind of funny in a way, if the whole of Equestria fell apart due to the lack of Twilight Sparkle gettin' any."

"I have a hard time believing that saving Equestria has anything to do with me having sex," I said.

"Yeah, but on the day I met you, you were sayin' the same thing about makin' friends, as I recall," she reminded me. "You proved yourself wrong that night, and then you did it again a year later. Don't underestimate what sex can make a mare do, sugarcube. Right now it's hard for me not to close my eyes and think about switchin' sides and just lettin' your brother have his way with all three of my barn doors, if you catch my drift. Holdin' you here with me makes it a lot easier."

"You really think it's that important?" I asked. "Um, are you sure you're saying this because you think you're right, and it's not, you know, the bite talking?"

Applejack nodded; I felt the motion against my shoulder. "Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am powerful horny, maybe more so than I ever been in my life," she admitted. "But I wouldn't lie to you, sugarcube. I'm worried you're gonna be so confused with this mess that you might make some bad choices yourself."

I thought about it for a while. "Just tell me what to do, AJ. I'm confused, and I don't know why I feel this way..."

"Darlin', you're horny. Simple as that," said Applejack.

"But I cured the bite, I'm sure of it!" I asked.

"It's normal to get horny, Twi. You've had a whole lifetime of avoidin' this and now you're all bottled up and ready to pop. I mean, you're around me right now, and I'm horny, and probably my scent is affectin' you too and maybe... I dunno, maybe I guess you might like me, too," she said.

"AJ," I asked, my voice a soft whisper from embarrassment. "Are we, um, lesbians?"

Applejack chuckled and squeezed me briefly. "I dunno hon. Let's not get caught up in labels. I like cock just fine myself, but I guess I'm okay with mares too. This ain't the first time I been this close to another gal," she said. "But everypony has times when they do different stuff. So, maybe you like girls, maybe you like boys too, or you might just be confused or somethin'. It's impossible to say for sure, and in my humble opinion, it don't matter worth a lick."

I lay with her in silence for a while, willing myself to relax as much as possible. I think there isn't anypony I'd trust more than Applejack, not even my brother (again, I mean even before he lost his mind). I was surprisingly okay with this.

"Are we cuddling?" I asked.

"Sure are, darlin'."

"Can we sleep like this? Like, together?"

"You betcha hon. Just relax. Holdin' you close is almost enough to abate my urges by itself, but I might need to um, do a bit more back here. I'll be quiet as I can and won't get nothin' on ya," she said.

"Do you, um, need me to do something? For you?" I asked gingerly. I think the worry was apparent in my voice.

"I'll be okay Twilight, but I guess lemme give you a pointer or two," she said. "First off, sex is pretty messy and disgusting quite frankly, but because it feels so good, you learn to like a lot of the nasty stuff. Second, it's pretty natural to feel guilty about sex if you haven't had a lot of experience, so if you, pardon my fancy here, cum for the first time, you might feel awful about it at first. But that feelin' goes away pretty quick, so you gotta be brave and weather it through until you learn to accept it."

"Come where exactly?" (Yeah, this was pretty confusing the first time I heard it.)

"Oh, um, see-you-em. It's slang for havin' an orgasm. I think technically ejaculatin', but some ponies use it to mean orgasm in general," she said.

"But mares don't ejaculate," I said.

Applejack stifled a laugh. "Well sweetie, actually we do if you get it just right. Right out the pee-hole, actually, just like a stallion," she explained. "You gotta be old enough before orgasm causes that to happen, though; before that your climax is gonna be dry. But you're plenty old enough, so someday soon you'll know just what I'm talkin' about. It's harder for mares to cum than stallions, but we just gotta be tuned more carefully, sorta."

I gulped. "Can you show me?" There was a pregnant pause while my friend considered the request.

"You have no idea how much I want to show you everythin' under the Sun right now, but I can tell how nervous you are, and I'm not about to take advantage of you like this," she said. "How about this: I'll guide you toward pleasurin' yourself, and I'll be here right beside you. If you do cum, or even if you just feel bad about anythin', I'll be here to hold you safe. Okay sugarcube?"

Wow. I was so nervous, but I had to be brave. I know some things take more resolve to learn than others. Applejack wiped both of my hooves against the covers, just to be safe, though they were already clean. She guided my right hoof to my vulva, and gently stroked with it while I sat back and experienced it. She was right: it was electric, a feeling like eating sugar except all over my body and especially down there. It was moist, I guess ready to take a stallion inside, or something.

Applejack then left my hoof there and slipped hers under my arm so she could rub at my teats, very gently. "There y'go, darlin'. Just rub it like that, real gentle," she whispered in my ear. I could feel her body tensing and relaxing against mine, and I could tell how much she was enjoying being with me. I should have been creeped out by all this, but somehow it was flattering? I really don't understand it. I kept hoofing myself (well, just the outside of my labia), and I know I'm not very good at this but the pressure was building. I couldn't tell if things were getting better, or worse, but at some point it was like my hoof had a mind of its own. And AJ rubbing my teats, oh wow. I've never felt anything like that from my nipples before, I mean, maybe a little weird when I wash myself, but everything was singing at the same time. I hardly noticed it when I started moaning.

"Mmm, you're so precious," whispered Applejack, pulling another blush to my cheeks. Then she pushed her hoof a little lower, right next to mine, and pulled back at the tip of my labia. I could feel something there, pulsing, pushing outward against the skin again and again, a very sensitive something; she made the lightest possible touch to it, and then pressed gently downward with a sliding motion and I screamed. It was only for a moment, but it happened. My whole body bucked hard against the bed as my friend held me and whispered in my ear, reassuring me that everything was okay. I did feel guilt washing over me, yes. Kind of like how sensitive your skin gets from taking aspirin when you have a fever, but with shame tacked on. But then I also felt her holding me, and I knew it was okay, that I had done what I was supposed to. I'd passed.

"I am so proud of you, Twilight Sparkle," whispered Applejack, nuzzling my neck and gently rubbing my belly. My thighs were wet, so I don't know if I just made all that moisture or if I peed or what, but I didn't care. That was the weirdest thing, because if there's anything I know about my flaws, it's that Princess Twilight Sparkle is a total control freak about everything. Before this moment I couldn't have even imagined lying there in a wet messy bed, but I actually didn't care, and somehow the fact that I didn't care made it even better. This is the craziest thing I've ever done in my life, and I was able to do it with a friend despite how nervous and confused I was. I guess maybe I should be proud of myself.

I tried to turn around, but Applejack held me fast. I wanted to see her face. I felt... something different now, my heart was still pumping out of control, and being with her like this just felt wonderful in a weird, emotional way.

"No, no sweetie," she corrected. "I'm more than a little afraid if we start lookin' in one another's eyes we might, um, y'know, start fallin' in love or somethin'. And as hot as that gets me, I know that ain't a good idea at the moment."

"I think I'm feeling that anyway," I revealed, panting softly, my eyes watery with emotion.

"I know sugarcube. Just relax for now, take a load off," she said. "Just one moment though."

Despite her warning, Applejack started kissing at my neck and jawline, and it was making me feel happy in ways I simply can't put into words. I guess this is why there's so much poetry about love. I heard her grunt. I felt her shiver. Then she yelped out loud as something very warm and wet sprayed between my thighs. I couldn't believe how fast it had happened.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," she said, still cuddling me close. "I, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay," I said, smiling as I held her hooves in mine. "I'm really glad I make you happy too, Applejack."

I don't remember falling asleep in her arms, but I must have. I slept like an unweaned foal.

Day 43 (The Confrontation) (...???)

We woke up after dawn to the shrill screaming of one of the magic alarms I'd enchanted. This was almost immediately followed by the shrill screaming of Rainbow Dash as she pounded on our door and yelled, "TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF!!!" Without stepping out of bed, I cancelled the spells, and the alarm stopped. I assumed at this point that everypony had survived the evening without incident, so the alarms were no longer necessary. A faint, "Thank Celestia," echoed from behind our bedchamber door, followed by the sound of another door shutting.

I hadn't woken up in Applejack's arms (I suppose that's pretty unrealistic to expect), but she still lay right beside me with a smile on her face. She gave me a tight hug, then stepped out of bed. I hopped out of bed myself and headed for the door.

"Whoa there, Twi!" Applejack called out, and I stopped in my tracks.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Um, darlin', I dunno if you can tell this, but, well, we both smell pretty ripe, and right now last night ain't gonna be no secret. You might wanna take a shower before makin' a personal appearance anywhere, if you follow," she said, with a blush.

"Oh. Oh!" I said. I sniffed at my hoof, and yes, it was pretty strong. Foul, even, but somehow pleasant nonetheless if only because it reminded me of my friend. (Yes I know that's really sick but I'm new to this thing and it was kind of neat. Ugh, I'm getting so gross now, I can just tell. Yet another step toward Team Batshit Insane, I suppose. Maybe that should be Flutterbatshit? Eh, no... that just seems forced. I'm bad at comedy, or so Pinkie tells me. Actually she says it's my timing but my timing is impeccable because I plan everything in advance, so I have no idea what the deal is with that. Anyway, I'm way off topic again.)

I took my shower first so I could talk to the others as soon as ponily possible. Applejack was still very horny (it feels weird saying "horny" to describe an earth pony), but she seemed to be handling it a little better after last night. Plus she started making weird noises when her shower began, so I figured she might be in there for a while. I toweled off and walked into the hallway.

After I opened the door, Fluttershy and Rarity opened theirs and stepped out to meet me. They were still wearing their nightgowns. For a brief moment I thought I hadn't washed off well enough because the scent still lingered; but then I realized, eww. (It wasn't coming from me, get it?) But I guess I can't point a hoof anymore, so I did my best to smile and act natural.

"Is everything alright, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked. Fluttershy seemed, well, normal enough. Rarity had a face mask pulled upwards and set on her mane. It should have rested against her horn, but it wasn't there any more, so it was smooshing her forelock. It looked pretty amusing, I won't lie.

I sighed. "Yeah, it's okay guys," I said. "I cast an alarm spell so nopony would sneak in and eat us or bite us or capture us or whatever the hey you two still won't tell us you intend to do. If I hadn't, we'd all have to have slept out in the streets under some rubble or something."

Fluttershy and Rarity both looked very sad.

"I do wish you would stop fighting us, Twilight," said Rarity.

Fluttershy nodded, pouting demurely, and added her two cents, "If you'd only give us a chance, everything could be over and done with in no time at all. We'd all be so happy again, and we'd be back to being friends, just like we used to." She shook her head, teary-eyed. "I don't understand why you won't even trust us just this once, when it really matters."

I felt anger rise in my breast. "Trust you, after the way you both acted at dinner? Are you

The next three pages have been torn completely out of the journal.

Day ??? (Sweet Apple Acres?)

The previous three pages have been torn completely out of the journal.

idea how exhausted I was from the ordeal.

I woke up in the afternoon. The cover had worked to conceal me, apparently. I had already started writing out this entry, but before I could finish, Pinkie Pie and Spike returned and gathered next to the bushes at the base of my tree. Apparently they were waiting for me to wake up so we could catch up on progress.

"How ya doin'?" whispered Pinkie Pie. "You look a heckuva lot better than before, though your mane's still kind of a mess."

"I'm feeling a lot better, thanks. And as much as I'd love to comb my mane, it's really not very high on my to-do list right now," I said. "What did you two find out?"

Spike looked nervous. "Something weird is going on, that's for sure. I think Big Macintosh is in on the whole thing, but that's not much of a surprise since he and Fluttershy have been together for almost a year—"

"WHAT?" I whisper-shouted, causing Pinkie and Spike to cringe. "Sorry. I mean, a whole year? When the hay did it become a year? Rainbow said it was a few months," I explained, feeling left out. Not exactly my brightest moment, but come on! How could nopony tell me this?

"Um, Twilight," said Pinkie Pie, "Rainbow kind of under-exaggerated just a little so you wouldn't feel so bad. But yeah, it's been about eight months or so. Maybe nine by now."

I rolled my eyes in frustration. "Okay, whatever. Back to Spike's report."

"Right," said Spike. "I didn't want word to travel that I'm back in town because that might alert the bad guys, whoever they are. So I kept a low profile, like you recommended. Anyway, first off I got close enough to AJ's house to see Big Macintosh dragging a bunch of unusual tools and supplies into his barn, like, engineering stuff. Pipes, hoses, chains, that sort of thing."

Pinkie Pie and I exchanged a worried glance.

Spike continued, "Then I went by the Crusaders' treehouse. I felt bad about eavesdropping on them, but nothing weird was going on, just three fillies obsessed with getting their cutie marks, as always. I was going to make a beeline for our place, but I don't think I can make it to the library without being spotted during the day. Plus, I'll want to stay there once I make it in, at least long enough to have a comfortable nap. You're not the only one who's exhausted, Twilight."

"Yeah, I thought the same thing about staying in hiding," said Pinkie Pie. "But maybe it would make more sense to pretend the two of us came back early, and just go about our normal business? I'm not good at poker, but I have a great poker face!"

"You're kidding. Tell me she's kidding," Spike asked me.

"Pinkie Pie, you have a terrible poker face! Every time you think you have a good hoof, your face lights up like a Hearth's Warming tree!" I said.

"Whaaaaaaat?" Pinkie Pie said. "But I did pretty well the first time we all played! Until Dashie ran me out of chips."

"Urrrgh. That's because you think a pair of deuces is a good hoof! Rainbow Dash was the first pony to figure out how useless your tell was. Well, except that it does let us know when your hoof is completely awful," I said.

"Awwww," said Pinkie, pouting.

"It's okay, Pinkie. I'm not good at poker either. And neither is Twilight," said Spike, scowling at me.

I rolled my eyes, yet again. "I'm not saying I'm good at poker. I'm saying if Pinkie Pie talks to the wrong ponies, she'll raise suspicion," I said, then lowered my voice as I realized my whispering had been getting progressively louder. The vampire fruit bat field is a pretty ironic place to hide given the whole vampony thing, but the trees here are generally sapped so it seems pretty unlikely Big Mac will walk this far out when there's other work to be done. That doesn't mean we can afford to start taking meaningless chances.

"Anyway," I said, "did you figure out anything, Pinkie?"

She pursed her lips. "Maybe. I snuck into town because I'm pretty good with disguises..."

I opened my mouth to complain, and Spike slapped his claws over my mouth. I'm glad they didn't go in. Spike's claws are even more nimble than an earth pony's manumancy (which is what makes him an excellent note-taker), but they're a lot dirtier than your average pony's hooves. And he doesn't even walk on them most of the time! Little colts, I swear.

"...and I noticed one irregular thing, but it's probably not important. There was a substitute teacher at the schoolhouse, so Cheerilee must be sick or on vay-cay or stay-cay or maybe even just regular-type cay," she said. "Also Mr. Cake caught me outside in the bushes next to Sugarcube Corner and asked what was going on, but I told him it wasn't me so my cover's still good."

Sometimes two hooves is simply not enough facehoof, and I lack the athletic limberness of... well, every single one of my best friends, to be honest; so the front ones are all I have to work with. Fortunately, Spike's claws were still on my mouth, and I think that gave me what Rainbow Dash once referred to as a "three-count facehoof c-c-c-combo".

"Well, that's it. We should assume our cover is blown," I said, pushing Spike's arm away. "Pinkie, I think you should go back to work, but your story is that you came back early because you weren't feeling well but now you're better. Being you, I don't think any explanation for the bushes is necessary."

Pinkie Pie narrowed her gaze, and appeared nonplussed. No, wait, that's a terrible word because it can mean two almost completely opposite things, which is stupid. I should forget that word. Why do ponies even use that word? Anyway, I meant she looked confused and a bit stunned, but she was probably just thinking.

"Okay. If that's all I have to work with," she said.

"Well, that's what you get, unless you guys can come up with a better one," I said. "Look, I actually don't think ponies are going to ask many questions about your trip, Pinkie. As long as you can pretend you were ill on the trip so you didn't see much apart from the castle and the library, you should be semi-safe."

"Twi, I know you're the brain here, but wouldn't it be safer for both of us to keep hiding for now?" asked Spike.

"He has a point," said Pinkie Pie. "I would kind of like to not be a pod pony anytime soon. At the very least, I'd like a huge pod pony party beforehoof."

I nervously bit at my lower lip. "Well, you should keep hiding, Spike. You're smaller, and much stealthier at night as a result. And actually, I need you to go to the library tonight and grab several scrolls as well as that book I mentioned and bring them back here. But it wouldn't make sense for Pinkie Pie to hide, because I have an important assignment for her and there's no way she can do it undercover without raising suspicion."

At this point, I went into great detail about the prophecy of the Six Keys of Friendship, which I've already described previously so there's no reason to rehash the details.

"I need Pinkie to search everypony's houses to try and find what we're looking for. I think all six of us need to be there to turn the keys, but not to transmute them. Or evoke them, I'm not certain which is more correct here because the story wasn't entirely clear," I said to blank stares. I guess I was geeking out a little there. I continued, "Now, if Pinkie Pie can safely get to the Tree of Harmony, which should be no problem this time of year on a sunny day, she can try to produce the five keys that I'm already reasonably certain exist. Each one of us had a valuable and personal friendship lesson recently."

"Oh oh oh oh oh! Mine is totally Boneless!" said Pinkie Pie. I shushed her.

"Er, come again?" asked Spike.

"I mean it's the rubber chicken," she said. "The one I got from Cheese Sandwich. It was all rainbow-y when I saw it, too! Maybe the other key items look that way?"

I paused. "That's a pretty weird key item, but you're probably right on the money, Pinkie. Anyway, do what you can to transmute or evoke them all," I said. Again, blank stares.

"So..." Pinkie Pie asked.

"Hold the items near the box. Try holding them on all sides," I said. "Oh, and get Zecora in on all this as soon as ponily possible. She's almost as resourceful as Princess Celestia."

"Will do," Pinkie promised. Well, not a Pinkie Promise promise, but I trust her with my life anyway.

Spike looked puzzled. "I could try to find your item in the library while I'm there, I suppose. What was your recent lesson, Twilight? Do you know what your item might be?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No idea. I may not have had my lesson yet," I said. "But if Pinkie can confirm which items actually work, that would give me a lot of information on what to expect for the Key of Magic. I mean, the Keys aren't named, but they obviously correspond to the elements."

"Okie-dokie-lokie! That I can do. But what about you, Twilie?" Pinkie asked.

I shuddered. "Please, for the love of Celestia, do not call me that right now. Or maybe ever again."

"Sorry, Twil— um, I mean, Twi," Pinkie Pie said, frowning. I tried my best to smile. I really hate being an overbearing mare like this.

"I'll wait here. Spike can head into the library after twilight falls—"

Pinkie gasped. "Twilight, you should be more careful!"

"Pinkie Pie, please stop talking," I said curtly. She grimaced. I felt bad, but I had no time for her usually entertaining and always perplexing shenanigans.

"Sorry. Anyway, then Spike will bring the book and scrolls back to me. Don't try to go looking for my item now, because the scrolls are priority one. Once I have them, I'll send Celestia an emergency warning, and then I'm off for Canterlot the hard way," I said. "That book can't possibly be my item so it should be safe to take with me."

"The hard way? You're not crazy enough to try that trick again, are you?!" Spike asked.

I shook my head. "Well, I am crazy enough, yes. And skilled enough. But I'm still too exhausted to make it the whole way, and I'm concerned that having just eaten a huge meal on an empty stomach might prove even more dangerous than an empty stomach itself was. So I'll take it slow and steady, under natural wingpower," I said. "I can make it in a day pretty easily. I'm rested, and I have travel rations now thanks to you two, so I can leave as soon as Spike gets back."

Pinkie Pie raised her hoof.

"I'm sorry for getting on your case Pinkie," I said, and reached forward to hug her.

Pinkie cheered up almost immediately and hugged me back nice and tight. "It's okay! I can be annoying," she said. (Now I felt even worse.) "But I was wondering, Twilight: what should we do if, um, something bad happens?"

I paused for a moment to consider the possibility. "I don't know," I said. "If I'm not here when Spike returns, it's because I had no choice but to leave, because I need those scrolls. In that case Spike should send a detailed letter to Celestia. In fact, Spike, send off a very brief warning to Celestia as soon as you get home, but then come back. Just something saying we can't trust Luna or the Crystal Royals and things are very dire and Twilight Sparkle is on the way."

Spike nodded solemnly. "I'll make it quick, then come right back."

"Even if I did have to leave, which I won't, I'm probably okay. I'm rested, fed, pissed as hell, and the most powerful spellcaster for kilometers around," I said, allowing myself a little bragging after the success of the Twiliport Loop. "As for you guys, well... Spike should try to hide if anything goes down. Pinkie Pie, and I admit I cannot believe I am actually saying these words, I think you should use your best judgment."

"I'll wing it like my name was Rainbow Dash!" she said, and grinned. "Except it's not, actually. My name is Pinkie Pie. Pinkamena Diane Pie, to be precise."

I looked confused. "It's true," Spike said.

"What in the name of Equestria is a Diane?" I asked.

"No idea! My mom just thought it sounded funny, I guess," said Pinkie. "Then again, I think I read something about it in a book on the moon, so maybe Luna would know?"

I corrected Pinkie on her failure to use the subjunctive mood with her Rainbow Dashness comment. Then I apologized yet again for being a dork.

Pinkie and Spike have headed off in a similar direction. Spike will be waiting at the edge of the Acres for night to fall, and Pinkie is going back to Sugarcube Corner to explain her absence and reappearance. She'll tackle the box early enough in the morning that maybe it won't look like she's breaking into everypony's houses. As for me, I'm keeping alert. If Spike brings me the book, it will likely help, but the scrolls are far more important and the journal is absolutely essential. Since my brother finally spilled the entire can of beans, the last few pages of this book contain everything Princess Celestia should need to know to fight back in time.

Actually, I should probably make a note at the beginning of the journal to jump to the second entry before this one.

Okay, done. Just a failsafe.

It's almost twilight now. Er, I mean the time, not me. It's always me.

(I'm starting to realize that Pinkie Pie is more infectious than a vampony, and I love her for it. Er, not that way. Not that there's anything wrong with that, heh.)

In the meantime, I have maybe an hour left to rest be/\__--.

Day 44 (Ponynapped)

Ow. I have a splitting headache. I'd better finish this entry before nightfall so the light from my horn won't give away my position.

Let's pick up right where I left off (for reference, this was Day 44). I was sitting with my back to an apple tree, finishing up the last journal entry, when something struck the other side of the tree. When I write "struck", I mean slammed. Like, incredibly hard: hard enough to physically propel me away from the tree. I tumbled forward out of the bushes, completely disoriented. Fortunately, my ink was resting safely on the ground, and I dropped the journal before I came flying out. My supplies remained hidden by the bushes.

Science time! The occipital lobe of the pony brain (located on the posterior, or "back" side of the brain) processes visual stimuli after signals are filtered through particular striata of the lateral geniculate nucleus of the thalamus. Getting hit in the back of the head will cause visual anomalies like temporary blindness or "seeing stars" because that's the part of the brain where visual images are finally processed. A contrecoup injury from a smack to the front of the skull (i.e., when the brain gets smacked so hard it bounces off the other side) will do that too, of course. Every unicorn is well-aware of this: we were all young and stupid once, and it's pretty easy to smash hornlong into things until you learn to pay close attention to your surroundings.

In my case, it was the back of my skull which took the brunt of the hit when Big Macintosh bucked the opposite side of the apple tree. I distinctly remember a loud cracking sound. For a moment, I was so jarred by the collision that I thought my skull had cracked (which would have been very bad). I later discovered that Mac kicked the tree so hard that the blow caused a large, vertical, tensile-stress fracture of the Mode I type. That apple tree might look like it's still in one piece from a distance, but it won't live to see Autumn. Disturbingly, this means Big Macintosh intentionally killed one of his fully-grown apple trees just to stun me! I was lucky I didn't end up with a concussion.

With that in mind, it should be no surprise that I was lying face-down on the ground, very confused, and trying to make heads or tails of what had just happened to me. I flipped over and blinked for a while until my vision unfogged, and eventually I was able to make out Big Macintosh's shape.

"Big... Big Macintosh?" I said, squinting as his looming image became clearer. He stood right over me, blotting out the hazy light from the setting Sun. But when I say standing over me, I should be more specific: he wasn't standing like a normal pony. He stood fully upright, rearing up on his back legs, just the way my brother had when I confronted him. After patiently waiting for me to recognize him, he crouched down in an odd way. He had amazing balance, or perhaps just a lot of practice standing on two legs.

"Sorry 'bout that, Twilight," he replied, smiling faintly. "I guess I don't know my own strength."

"Oh, my head... I, um, thanks, Big Mac," I said, still dizzy and in pain.

Now, something very odd had just happened, but it took a moment for my scrambled brain to notice. Big Macintosh just spoke. Given the circumstances, I wouldn't have blinked at, "Y'okay?" or, "Sorry." But for Mac to speak two whole sentences? To me of all ponies, a Princess? Apart from answering "eeyup" or "nnope" to a simple question (or singing in the Ponytones: he can really fry those low notes), this was the first time in my life I'd heard the stallion say anything at all. Now, obviously I know Big Macintosh can talk just like anypony else. But he's at least twice as shy as Fluttershy, which is a crazy amount of shyness (I mean Fluttershy has it in her name, for Sun sake). Under normal circumstances, Big Macintosh only speaks freely around his family, and possibly Fluttershy. So this was highly unusual.

By the time my mind was able to process the extremely relevant context that "unusual equals bad", I found myself hanging there in midair in front of Mac's big, red, freckled face. He had reared upright again, and he held me by my horn, which was a painful experience given the injury I was suffering from. Then again, nopony's ever tried to grab me by the horn before, since that's just about as rude as you can possibly be to a unicorn (I've never seen it happen; it just isn't done). Being face to face with Mac at his reared-up height put me at least twice my normal standing height from the ground, so even dangling free I had no hope of reaching terra firma. This is the first time I truly realized just how BIG Big Macintosh is, and it almost (quite literally) scared the piss out of me. He looked into my eyes very carefully, as though checking for something or making a decision. I tried to teleport, of course, and my magic fizzled helplessly. It must have been because I'd been stunned so badly by the collision, but I'm still not entirely certain why I wasn't able to cast.

"Please l-let go," I begged horsely. Big Macintosh smiled widely.

"Nnope," he responded. "But it's awfully nice to see ya, Princess Twilight Sparkle." Oh no. The "princess" part sounded sarcastic. I can't imagine Big Mac being sarcastic, but that's exactly what it was.

Horseshit.

I don't know why I tried to punch and buck right then, I honestly don't. I guess it was some kind of automatic desperation measure that kicked in subconsciously when all other options had failed. But that's basically what I did. I thrashed in place, even though it hurt my head even more. I could see a twinge of magic aura above me, but it wasn't my color, and I knew right away it was Mac's. Earth ponies have excellent manumantic prowess, but few have manumancy so strong that you can actually see the faint aura when they try to do something super-dextrous. Right now, this enormous red earth pony was grasping all the way around my horn with a single hoof, and that's a pretty amazing feat given how slippery a properly-maintained horn is (and yes, mine is, of course).

"Now Twilight," Big Mac continued, "calm down. It's gonna be okay, but only if you don't keep fussin'. Nopony wants that, y'hear?"

"Please LET ME GO!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, still blindly kicking and squirming. This didn't seem to sit well with him. His kind smile vanished. I was starting to realize that this pony, whoever he was, could not possibly be the same sweet, sensitive, shy Big Macintosh I knew. It just couldn't!

"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, bitch."

I stopped struggling long enough for my jaw to drop in amazement. And that's when I took a hoof the size of my head directly to the face.

I woke up on some blankets on a dirt floor. My forehooves were secured in front of me in a pair of thick metal cuffs, probably iron with a lead core. They were too heavy for me to lift for more than a second or two. Without earth pony strength and mass, these things were highly disabling. My head was throbbing in pain, much worse than before. My face felt tender and bruised. I immediately attempted telekinesis, of course, but my magic fizzled, so I prioritized orienting myself to time and place.

I was in a stall in the barn. Judging by the bright light, it must have been around noontime. This was a bad sign: I'd been unconscious for almost a day. Longer than this would have been very unlikely without specialty medical care, so I was highly certain this was Day 45. I felt around in my mouth with my tongue and detected no broken or cracked teeth, and I detected no aftertaste of stomach acid (so no emesis had occurred). Very careful tests performed by pressing my face and head against the blankets at various angles suggested I had sustained no jaw or skull fractures from either head injury. These data, plus clear vision and thought, proved I was not currently suffering from a concussion. Furthermore, while it was very likely I had received at least a minor concussion from the blow to the face, it was not likely that it had been a major one. Big Macintosh had gifted me a rather "friendly" strike right between the eyes, just barely enough to send me down for the count. I have no doubt he could have murdered me right there and then, had that been his aim. But I'll bet big bits to biting bugs that Mac believes he was doing this "for my own good", much like my insane brother.

Satisfied I was going to continue breathing for a while, I began to take a closer inventory of my surroundings. The cuffs were slightly painful, but more annoying than anything. The stall gate was shut and latched, but had no lock. The sides were just a little too tall for me to be able to see the rest of the barn while standing up.

I experimented a little more with magic, to no avail: it had been completely suppressed. I could feel there was something odd about my horn, like my bangs were bumping off of it weirdly, and I suspected I was wearing an ounckse. At first I felt pretty embarrassed that I might have one on. They're supposed to be horribly embarrassing, after all. Then I realized that embarrassment was a pretty stupid thing to feel when you've just been ponynapped, so I stopped caring about it.

Next to me there were two dog bowls. One was filled with what looked and smelled like high-quality cider. The other one contained two small white pills. Now I'm not an idiot, but I inspected them closely. I'm very familiar with Ponyville Hospital's supply of medication. There's no way Big Mac could manufacture stamped pills like these. I tasted one for a fraction of a second and spit it back out. I know paracetamol when I taste it, which meant I was 92% certain they were paracetamol. The 8% uncertainty was the off-chance of a more severe pain relief medication commonly combined with a low-efficacy compound, or (even less likely) paracetamol combined with caffeine. If I hadn't been in blinding pain I wouldn't have done this, but I was, so I did: I took both pills, and I washed them down with the whole bowl of cider. I didn't stop to think if the cider had been drugged, mind you. I was so thirsty I had no option but to refresh myself with the only liquid available.

I lay down and rested my head, hoping the pain would lessen at least a little bit from the alcohol and pain relievers. About ten minutes in, I started to feel some relief, and about fifteen in I started feeling just a little too good. The rush was perfectly fine, to be honest. I had already predicted narcotics as a slim possibility, and I was in so much pain that the heavy pain medication was a blessing. I was more concerned about vomiting, but after a few minutes of dizziness I seemed to stabilize. I was actually kind of surprised that he (I presume it was Mac) had left them for me. The downside, of course, is that my attention was crap and I was having a hard time focusing; but I was still more functional after taking the pills. I knew I'd be able to use enough magic to be dangerous if I could get this thing off of my horn, and I wasn't delirious or overly nauseated, just a little high and woozy. I worried momentarily about the interaction between the drugs and the alcohol (those can be synergistic in a bad way, especially if you overwhelm your central nervous system's GABA receptors), but the cider's alcohol content wasn't very high (estimated by taste) and there had been less than a liter of it.

I started looking around for a way to scrape the suspected ounckse off of my horn. I tried pressing it between two boards, but the spaces weren't large enough. I knew it was there now, because I could feel it scraping when I tried to pull it over the lip near the bottom of the fence. But it wasn't coming off. This thing was on tight, and I'd need significantly more leverage to pull it free.

As the pain dulled, I became more aggressive with my approach. Time was a luxury I could not afford: the longer it took to regain my powers, the less likely I'd be to escape. I tried rearing up awkwardly on my hind legs to peek over the fence, but with the heavy cuffs on my forehooves I could only manage a small, quick bounce of less than a decimeter. I could see there was a cart near my stall, but nothing else of interest.

The inside of the stall's gate had a latch up high, and it wasn't locked. I tried to rear upright to smack it with my horn, but after several failed attempts I was becoming exhausted and dizzy. It was too high up and the cuffs too heavy. There was no way I could buck that high, either (I'm not nearly limber enough and everypony knows it). Finally, a novel idea came to me. It wasn't much easier than what I'd been trying, but it was much less tiring to attempt. I flipped one of the bowls over with my muzzle, grabbed it in my mouth, moved under the latch, and chucked it upwards as hard as I could. It came really close the first time. I tried several more times, and then I misfired: the bowl landed outside the gate.

Drat. I only had one bowl left. So what do I do, I thought? I could toss it gingerly and be likely to fail, or toss it hard and risk losing it. This was not a fun decision.

I tossed it hard, and it ricocheted right off the edge of the latch, bouncing over the fence.

"FFF—mnnngph!" (I barely managed to avoid screaming profanity, at the cost of a bloody tongue.)

Looking up, the latch was right underneath me. It was mocking me, I could feel it (okay, I'm sure the drugs weren't helping any). Then I started thinking how easy this would be with some good old-fashioned TK or even gravity spells, and the solution hit me. Why hadn't I thought of this earlier? Instead of trying to reach up to the latch, I laid on my back beneath it. With my weighted forelegs on the ground, it was easy to stand on my head while running up the gate with my rear legs. One kick to the latch did the trick: the gate was now open. Woe to the pony who tries to imprison a wizard of my caliber! (I probably had a really dorky smile on.)

I crawled into the open area of the barn, sliding my forehooves through the dirt as I went, and saw the cart. Somepony was hitched to it on the other side. Somepony with hooves of a very familiar deep magenta hue. Playing "guess the pony" here was a no-brainer, but that was fine by me: my brain had been through a lot recently.

I quietly inchwormed my way around the cart to take a closer look. Yes, it was Cheerilee. She didn't seem to notice me at first. She didn't look awful or anything, just a little worse for wear. She had on four large copper horseshoes and copper earrings. She was lying on the floor (which was very muddy right here), or at least she was trying to. The shoes made it tricky to lie down comfortably in the way she was positioned. Her mane had some clumps of mud in it, and I think she was idly trying to wipe a bit of mud off of her nose by pressing her muzzle to her shoulder. I suddenly realized that the shoes made it basically impossible for her to hold on to things. I can't believe I didn't pick up on that when Pinkie had them on, but it's so obvious: even if they weren't too heavy to lift easily, they were thick enough to block a pony's manumantic grip. Pinkie Pie must have taken hers off whenever she needed to hold something, but these shoes were sitting differently on Cheerilee's hooves. It took me a second to pick up on the fact that they were shifted sideways by a centimeter or two. I suspected they were "locked" in some fashion. As my drug-addled mind wandered off momentarily, Cheerilee turned and noticed me.

"Tw—!" she started, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "Princess Twilight Sparkle! I can't believe it's you! I thought I'd never see you again," she sighed, eyes misty and voice filled with relief. "Oh, holy Celestia. What an amazing stroke of luck."

I smiled, feeling relieved myself. For some reason Cheerilee reminds me of Princess Celestia, probably because they're both amazing teachers. "It's okay Cheerilee. I promise we'll get you out of this mess," I said, feeling determination set in. I started looking for a way to untie her.

"Twilight," she whispered. "I need you to come closer so I can help you with that, that thing," she said, gesturing with her face toward my horn.

"Oh! Right! Stupid me. Here," I said, getting it very close to her face. "I'm in pain and not feeling one-hundred percent at the moment, so forgive me if I do something dumb. But don't worry, once this thing is off we're both out of here."

Cheerilee rolled her eyes. "Twilight Sparkle. When have you ever done something dumb," she said with an odd giggle, inspecting the thing on my horn as we both stood up straight. I blushed at the flattery, I admit.

"All the time, Cheerilee. All the time," I said. "You'd be surprised how many times I screw up per day."

"Let's see. To do this safely, I need to get those cuffs off of you first. Can you place them by my hoof?" she asked.

I did as requested, and she pressed her shoe against the edge of the front of the cuffs. I hadn't seen any mechanism there, but this caused them to spring open. It seemed to take a lot of force, so it was unlikely I could have done it without her help. I felt surprising comfort from this. It wasn't the cuffs; they hadn't been so bad. It was the fact that Cheerilee was helping me, and I knew for the first time that somepony who had been targeted by the pod ponies was still on my side. (Yes, I know they're not pod ponies but I still think it's amusing, and anything to lighten my mood is good right now.)

"Okay, now for the ounckse," said Cheerilee, her voice still a whisper. I was surprised she knew the word, but secretly thrilled that my predicted pronunciation of it (OONK-say, that is) had been correct. Big Macintosh must have said it out loud in front of Cheerilee, I suppose, but that seemed a little weird because she was acting like she didn't know I was in the barn so when would that word have come up? As she talked to me, I threw the cuffs to the side. I hadn't realized at the time, but the emotional impact of being shackled like the worst kind of criminal was pretty strong. When my mind was in deep crisis mode, I'd apparently been able to suppress the feeling. Anger and fear and sadness were all swimming up to the surface now, so I took some deep breaths and tried to relax as I held my horn up to her face.

Cheerilee inspected the ounckse from all sides. "Hold up for a second," she said. "Can you bring your body alongside mine? I want to try something I think will help."

"Sure. Like this?" I said, sidling right next to her and leaning against her.

"Almost. Lie down, just like that," she instructed. I lay down flat in the mud right beside her (ick, but at least I'm not Rarity). Despite all of the emotion and the drugs and awfulness, I was extremely curious how lying down next to Cheerilee would provide her with the additional leverage to...

To my surprise, Cheerilee lifted her shoes, first the front right, then the rear right, and placed them around me. Then she kicked lightly inward with both shoes, flipping me into a face-up position beneath her. She smiled the gentlest smile I've ever seen on a pony, as she lay her massive earth pony weight directly atop me. It wasn't painful, but it was just a little hard to breathe, and my legs were pinned to the sides. I couldn't move anything but my neck and face.

"Wait, Cheerilee, I... I know you need to rest, but I think getting out of here is..." I said, between panting. She merely smiled, watching my face, her eyes slowly wandering all over it, as though admiring it. I started to feel a touch of panic twist at the muscles in my spine, because her actions didn't make any logical sense.

At least confirmation came quickly. I could smell that scent again, and it was very strong. This time it was mud and mare vulva and even a little perfume and possibly urine and several other smells that had to be sex or sex-related all mixed up together, and at that point I realized I had done a very, very dumb thing. It was perhaps one of the dumbest things I have done in my life. I seem to be breaking that record a lot lately.

The sun is setting, and it's too dark for me to safely continue writing. What happens next is much harder to write about, anyway. When dawn breaks I'll pick up with details of my escape. I'm tempted to skip all of the, um, "embarrassing" portions and just cut to the chase. Then again, it's not like I've been holding back so far, and maybe there's a clue somewhere in this madness. Ugh. I guess I'll decide how much detail to provide after I wake.

Day 45 (The Barn)

It's early morning, and I think I'm still safe. I'm going to finish writing about yesterday's events, even though it feels like I'm writing a sick cross between horror and a trashy romance novel. Penning out my demons in this journal helps put all the awfulness I've been through into perspective.

When I left off, I had done something incredibly stupid, and now I was pinned beneath Cheerilee.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion at this point. Perhaps it was the drugs, or maybe the fear from being unable to budge an inch, or maybe it was just realizing how screwed I was. Cheerilee leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips, her eyes soft and moist with emotion; a silly smile decorating her muzzle. I've never seen anypony look so happy in my life. It was both touching and terrifying.

"You are so sweet, Twilight. My knight in shining armor, coming inside the barn to save me," she said, and giggled. "Or, maybe that should be the other way around: I'm saving you in the barn for Shining Armor to cum inside at night?" she added, with a flirty wink. I'll just come right out and admit it: as sick as it was, that was an extremely complicated and impressive pun. I should mention that Cheerilee is one of few ponies brilliant enough that I can enjoy discussing science and math with her. Why aren't we closer friends? I guess it's her busy schedule, or maybe I just neglected to get to know her well. I feel bad about that. Anyway, I couldn't appreciate her wordplay at the time, for obvious reasons. I was flat on my back, unable to move, with no possible means of escape.

"No no NO!" I whispered. "Please, Cheerilee, please don't do this! Think of the foals you teach! Think of your friends!" I knew reasoning with her wasn't going to work, of course. I simply had no other options left.

"I am, you silly goose! My foals will be well taken-care of," she said with a grin, "and, for that matter, I LOVE thinking about my students and my friends alike." My hooves began to tremble as they pressed harmlessly against her sides where they lay pinned. "And you're my friend, Twilight." She kissed me on my nose. "My most special friend." She kissed my forehead. "A friend I'd like to get to know better, a friend who desperately needs my help, a friend whom I love oh so dearly." She kissed my lips, just a tiny peck. "Oh dear Luna, I only wish I'd done this sooner with you, you beautiful, wonderful mare."

She smiled gently, and her eyes were... well, it was more than just happy. There was another emotion there, a personal one. I've only seen somepony look at me like this one other time, and that was a smitten, bitten Applejack. The schoolteacher kissed me firmly on my lips, and I tried to resist, but I still felt the gentle softness she used against my tightly-pursed defenses. My lips loosened slightly into the kiss, but I still held them shut. It felt like she was actually trying to stick her tongue inside my mouth! (Eww, so gross... I bet that's some kind of sex thing, though.) Cheerilee giggled like one of her schoolfoals, then licked along the length of my closed mouth, and finally ran her tongue gently up my muzzle to the tip of my nose. Then, she quickly bumped her nose against mine and said, "Boop!" She was so giddy she was acting like Pinkie Pie. Naturally, this was terrifying.

I think I started crying then. Maybe it's because, technically, that had been my first kiss. I was horrified, and I felt victimized. But the worst part? Even as hard as I fought it, it still felt so wonderful deep inside me. It felt like somepony cared about me in a special way, even if that pony was insane and it was because she was insane. I started imagining us together, like a married couple or something, and it was hard to block the images from my mind. I can certainly see how sex leads ponies to procreate. It's not just the sensation, it's the emotion that ties into it. It's mental rather than physical, which I never expected, but the physical leads to the mental. In my case, there was a throbbing deep inside me down, well, you know where, and locking eyes with this beautiful pony made me feel like I desperately needed the kind of "special friend" she was intent on providing. Part of me felt lucky, happy, even thrilled. Even now I don't understand why, but I feel sad without her. A big part of me wants to go back to the barn and slip right under her just to be with her.

And there's another thing I think I need to reflect on. I know it doesn't really matter, and I know it's silly to care about this sort of thing. But right now, as I write this, I find myself actually wishing I had kissed Applejack, back in our room in the palace. Even if it meant (as she clearly feared) that the two of us would have fallen in love, right there in her bed in the middle of Creep Central. It doesn't seem to matter to my heart that I might have lost the battle to my brother and failed to escape. I just don't know what to feel anymore. I never knew a mare could love a mare until a few days ago, and now, do I actually feel that way about Applejack? Is this just some kind of confused crush? It was just arbitrary chance that I ended up being the one to help ease her pain, yet the emotion persists. And now I'm starting to feel this way about Cheerilee too, even though she's nuts! None of this makes any sense. Sex and love are so unbelievably illogical.

The temptation is starting to claw at my heart. Even as I write this, I feel it burning inside, and I don't even have the bite as an excuse. If I actually thought giving in to the insanity would help my friends... I just don't know what I would do. This thing we're up against is far more powerful than I had reckoned. I need to get this journal to Princess Celestia now. I'm not invincible, and I'm scared of hurting everypony by not being responsible enough to see things through. At least that feeling is one I'm familiar with.

Ugh, I'm sorry, journal. Where was I...

Right, so Cheerilee kissed me, and I cried. And she held me down with her overbearing weight, and she gently squeezed me with her legs. I felt her teats against mine, hot, and very swollen. Unnaturally swollen, even. There's no way she wasn't pregnant, so I realized I might be able to exploit the situation.

"Cheerilee! Think of your unborn foals," I gasped, squirming helplessly.

Cheerilee's eyes lit up. "Oh yes! I certainly hope I'm pregnant, but Master will keep trying. I can't wait to pop a little bitch out of my pussy for him," she said and sighed, shivering atop me.

"But, you are pregnant! Your breasts are huge," I said. I wasn't particularly hopeful, but maybe, just maybe, realizing this would jar her back to sanity...

She chuckled at my observation. "Oh, no. Those are implants, to make my boobs larger," she said, grinding her soft, weighty teats down onto mine. They were unnaturally firm and felt weird. I could feel her wetness oozing off the back of her teats onto my own breasts, and I was trying not to think about how amazing it felt. And the scent, everywhere...

"You weren't looking at them before, were you?" she asked. "That's too bad. When you see them, even from a distance, it's really obvious they're fake. They're just so big, and impossibly round. This way, absolutely everypony gets to know at a glance that I went to great lengths to turn myself into a sexy cunt, and they can see my body is made for fucking," she added nonchalantly. "Fucking anypony, anytime, anywhere Master allows it."

"This is how it ends," I said, crestfallen. "Twilight Sparkle, fillynapped and held hostage by two close friends: the shiest pony on earth, and one of the smartest ponies she's ever met. Both of them gone completely mad." I sniffed a bit, and realized I had stopped crying. I couldn't tell if this was a good thing or not. I still felt awful, and I'm sure it showed.

Cheerilee watched my face droop, and suddenly looked very sad. "Oh, you poor sweet mare. My Princess, I beg you: please stop fighting. It's just awful watching you do this to yourself, and Master and I both care so much for you," she said, her face looking very sad. "We... we love you."

For a moment the words stuck in my throat, but I finally vomited them out: "He could have killed me, Cheerilee!"

"Oh, no. He was very careful," she said. "And once he brought you into the barn, Master fetched a nurse from the hospital to take care of you. Then he stayed up all night long to watch over you. That's why he's not out doing chores right now: Master finally needed to sleep. You have no idea how much he cares for you, do you? How much risk and trouble he has gone through to see to your safety?"

"Why can't you see you are hurting me?" I whisper-shouted, confused. I was having a hard time keeping my voice down. How could anypony be this, just, nuts?! I tried to put on an intimidating face, but it wasn't working. Probably the soreness in my eyes from all the crying.

Cheerilee shook her head dismissively. "Do I look hurt to you, Princess?" she asked, matter-of-factly. "You have no idea how happy I am, Twilight. How happy we all are. My past sins are now virtues, and, regrettably, some of your virtues are no longer virtuous. I realize it will take you time to adjust to the new order of things, and we forgive you. Everypony knows you haven't been fucked by a stallion yet—"

"SHUT UP!" I half-yelled. Dammit. I did not want to alert anypony else to my presence, but I couldn't take any more of this psychological bullcrap. It was screwing me up in the head, and if I started allowing it in, I'd be questioning everything I stood for. Fuck that.

"Okay," she said, and smiled sweetly. (Obeying my command may have been polite, but it was still pretty creepy.) Then she reached out and licked my horn from ounckse to tip. It was just... weird. I could feel it, somehow, like a little electric shock zipping right down the length of my horn and deep into the middle of my brain, and I gasped at the sensation. It felt amazing. I never knew my horn could feel like this! Why didn't I know about this? I started to realize that a certain part of me was very wet, not only because Cheerilee's corresponding part (ugh) was dripping on it, but also because I was dripping. I was horny... very horny. It's a natural reaction, I told myself. It didn't mean that I wanted this to happen. But I started shivering underneath her, and it was harder and harder not to relax and let her have her way and just give up. The drugs were making it even harder, because they relaxed and distracted me even more. I'm scared to think about it, but I may have been mere millimeters from permanently giving my life away to this mare and her "Master". At least the experience has given me renewed resolve.

Fortunately, just when I was about to crack, an epiphany hit me. I had a great idea. Let's see how good my acting skills are, I thought...

I started panting, and bit furtively at my lower lip. "Please," I whispered. "I..." I gasped, and pressed my horn forward, more deeply into her mouth. (Well... I certainly hoped I was acting.)

Cheerilee smiled down at me, nearly crying. "Oh thank you Twilight! I'm so proud of you," she whispered reverently as she took my horn deep into her mouth. Cheerilee began to fellate my horn (I think I used that word properly). I'm not going to lie, it felt amazing. I felt the wetness flooding my... well, my vagina, preparing itself for a stallion who didn't exist. I could feel our teats pressing together, her firm, fake breasts tightly squeezing my soft little ones. I was shivering in pleasure, and I almost forgot my plan entirely. But then...

For just a moment, Cheerilee pulled back, smiled, and opened her mouth wide.

That was my cue. I shoved my horn in all the way, pervert-unicorn-ring-thing and all, then shifted beneath her in an odd way. She closed her mouth around the ring in confusion, and I yanked my head back hard. It worked. She spat out my horn, the ring still on it, but it was loose. One good whip of my neck and it went flying through the air and into a pile of hay.

"Dammit Twilight!" Cheerilee shouted angrily. She looked hurt, and that look wounded me. I felt like I betrayed her, and I guess I had. But I wasn't the one who did it first.

I teleported quickly, stretched painfully, then turned to face her. I was upset, but not angry. I felt great pity for one of the most trusted mares in town, for what she had become. I had to do something. I cast Hasp Unfix on the shoes, and it worked just as predicted. They shifted slightly, with a "click" sound, into what I assumed was an unlocked position.

"There. You can stay miserable, or you can pick yourself up and escape," I snorted. "Part of the problem, or part of the solution. It's up to you, Cheerilee."

"I AM NOT MISERABLE, YOU POOR, STUPID CUNT," she shouted. This was not working. I needed to get away as cleanly as possible, and I had no options left.

"I'm sorry Cheerilee," I said, and zapped her dead-on with a deep sleep spell (one of those spells I know very well, but hoped I'd never have to use). The beautiful, filthy, hopelessly confused mare instantly nodded off. Two of her hooves popped out of the shoes as she entered dreamland. Celestia, how I wish I'd had the time to free her. I don't think it would have worked anyway, though. I still have no idea how to fix that kind of broken mind. It's hard enough to avoid getting into that kind of diseased mindset in situations where it could prove disastrous, and I haven't even been brainwashed or bitten or anything! I won't be able to attempt fixing ponies until we've established some degree of control over the broader situation.

I ran down the trail toward the vampire fruit bat field. Big Macintosh had no chance of sneaking up on me now, and I believed Cheerilee when she said he was asleep. I needed to gather my supplies and take to the air for Canterlot.

It was easy to find my tree, given the considerable damage. The destruction was subtle from a distance, but up close there was no mistaking the tree's mortality. Searching the bush, I found all of my supplies, along with three blank scrolls from Spike (bless you Spike!) and a note written in his claw explaining details of what he and Pinkie had been doing.

I wrote a reply on one of the scrolls explaining what had happened to me, that I was okay, that apparently one of the nurses was a bad guy now, and I told Spike to send Princess Celestia a note to inform her that Princess Twilight Sparkle was on her way and should arrive in Canterlot by noon. Maybe I should have added more advice, but I'm going to let them handle things their way since I'm tackling the more important problem right now. I lit the note on fire to deliver it, packed my saddlebags, and took to the air. I made it four-fifths of the way there by nightfall. Now it's morning, and I will easily make it into Canterlot by noon. I'm headed straight for the castle.

I've transcribed Spike's note below, and destroyed the original (just now, on the morning of Day 46).

Dear Twilight,

This is Spike. Pinkie and I believe you have been fillynapped, but we also believe you are resourceful enough to escape. We hope so, anyway, because we're not sure how to rescue you without alerting the bad guys that there are more of us in town. Anyway, we're still keeping a low profile. Nopony knows I'm here, and Pinkie is acting like nothing unusual happened on her trip. Earlier I suggested to Pinkie that we should see the Mayor and get her to announce what's happening so we can get most of the town on our side, but she thought that was a bad idea since it's been so long since we've been here. Basically, if the bad guys have taken over enough ponies, it wouldn't help us because we have no way to tell them apart, by her logic. So we're trying to retain the element of surprise for now.

Let us know if you rescue yourself, or whatever. I've included three blank scrolls below so you can send a note to us, one to Princess Celestia, and have a third one just in case. I don't want to leave more because the more junk in that bush the easier it is to see (I wrapped the three scrolls really tight with a green ribbon to make them less obvious).

Please be safe, Twilight. We're counting on you, as always. Never a dull moment, huh?

Your Number One Assistant,

Spike (the dragon)

Day 46 (Home)

Okay, I stank pretty bad. I didn't realize this until I prepared for takeoff, but wow. It took a second to remember that I had endured horrible, jarring elements in the questionable multi-phasing experiment, two days of sleeping in the outdoors, and then there was the whole getting covered in mud with my teats slathered in an insane mare's sexual fluids. And maybe my own sexual fluids. Okay, also my own sexual fluids, what of it? Stinking is not a good thing if you want to make a grand appearance at a castle. I didn't have time to waste looking for a suitable river to bathe in, and while that might mute the smell it wouldn't help my appearance very much. Fortunately, I had an out: home. Specifically, my parents' place, and my ability to find it. I've taken many a balloon ride from Canterlot to nearby lands (including Ponyville), so even before I magically poofed myself some wings, I knew how to find my home from the air. I was horribly filthy, but my first stop-off would be home, and my parents would understand. Because they're my parents, and that's what parents do.

Plus, I kind of had to catch them up on most of the horrible stuff so they would be prepared for what had happened to Shining Armor. I really didn't want to do it. I just didn't have a choice. These past few days, I've learned that it's easy to do terrible things when you have no choice. I wonder if that's how it feels to be Rarity or Cheerilee right now. I really hope not, because it feels awful to me.

I attracted some attention, but managed to get to my house without anyone trying to run up to me. I knocked loudly and rang the doorbell at the same time. I could have used magic to open the lock, of course, but I still have some manners.

Night Light (Dad) opened the door.

"Hello? Twilight? Sweetheart are you okay?" he asked, clearly upset by my appearance.

"Hi Dad," I said, choking back tears I didn't expect. "I, I need to come in—"

Without needing to hear more, he opened the door and ushered me inside, looking left and right to see that I wasn't being followed. He shut and locked the door, and turned to face me.

"I need a bath," I said, and laughed as a tear streamed down one muddy cheek. "You wouldn't believe, what, I, just... oh Daddy," I said and cried freely in his arms as held me close.

"Sssh. It's okay, Twilight. I'm here for you, anything you need," he whispered. "I promise we'll see you through whatever this is." I sniffled a little and broke the hug.

"There's... (cough) there's another crisis," I said. "A big one, and Brother's involved. He and Cadance have been possessed by something, and it's making them do terrible things to ponies. My friends and I are trying desperately to find a way to fix them, but we've already lost Rarity and Fluttershy to whatever the evil thing is. I'm fairly certain that Luna has been compromised too. I'm here to find Celestia, and some of my friends are helping me in Ponyville right now."

A familiar voice sounded from behind me. "Wait, did you say Rarity?" Twilight Velvet (Mom) asked.

My heart sunk, and my hooves rattled in fear. Please have your horn, Mom. Please have your horn. Oh Dear Celestia, please, please, please have your horn.

I turned around and let out an overwhelming whinny of relief. Mom was standing there, as bright and normal as always. She had a pair of copper earrings in her hoof, which she held up to me. "Your friend Rarity sent these to me a day ago, but they require a very large piercing. I don't know how she expected me to wear them," she said.

Dad reached up and pulled me gently by the shoulders. "What do you need us to do, Princess?" he asked me, refocusing my attention.

I swallowed hard. "Shining Armor is not himself. He may sound like him, and have access to his memories, but it's not him and I know that with one hundred percent certainty. I can't tell you details of the things he has done because you would be horrified, but many ponies have been badly hurt, myself included. I need a safe haven in Canterlot, but he cannot know I'm staying here."

Mom winced, surely from the pain of knowing what had happened to her son. "Twilight, we trust you implicitly, you know that," she said. "If anyone can help our son, it's you."

Dad nodded. "We have faith in you, dear. If he comes by or contacts us in any way, we'll say we haven't seen you or heard from you. You can hide in the attic if it comes to that."

I nodded, exhausted. "Thank you both," I said, holding back more tears. "I need to take a bath and then I'm going straight to the castle."

"Wait, Twilight. I think he's in town," Dad warned me. "He hasn't contacted us, which is unlike him, but I heard that he arrived with a few ponies a day or two ago. You might want to wait until dusk if you're worried about being seen."

I thought it over, and it made sense. I nodded my agreement, and ran upstairs to bathe.

After the bath, I tried to relax. Mom wanted me to eat a full meal before heading out, but my stomach is bothering me too much. I had a light supper (just a sandwich I scavenged from the fridge), took a very short nap in the guest bedroom (I unconsciously locked the door, probably paranoia setting in), and finally wrote out this entry. It's dusk now, so I'm about to head to the castle once I finish writing. I can leave my things here safely in the interim, which is very useful. I've told my parents about the journal. They will guard it with their lives, and if I don't make it back by dawn, they will personally hoof-deliver it to Princess Celestia. There's nothing quite like unconditional love, journal. I can safely trust these two ponies even more than I trust myself.

Something is bothering me, however. I have a nagging feeling that I've forgotten another clue, something super relevant yet remarkably simple, and it's driving me crazy. But I can't keep stressing myself like this or I won't be able to eat properly. Heck, I can barely eat as it is. I'm going to put it out of mind until I return.

Here goes everything. Again.

Day 46 (Reconnaissance)

I left my things at home (parents' home) and headed to the castle. It was just starting to get dark out. Other ponies could easily identify me from up close, but not from far away. I wasn't attracting much attention, in other words.

The main entrance to the castle was guarded by two members of the Royal Guard, which is common this time of night. I recognized the unicorn, but the other pony was a member of Luna's Night (or Lunar) Guard. I outrank all members of every guard (even Princess Celestia's personal guard), so unless Princess Celestia or Princess Luna had specifically ordered my entry barred from the castle, I would be allowed in. However, I can't afford to trust any nightwing ponies right now given what I've learned. I knew the other guard might be trustworthy, however, so I had a plan.

I hid at the bottom of the stairs and used my TK to toss a pebble at the guard I knew (I don't remember his name, but I had spoken with him previously). I heard him ask the nightwing pony if he wanted to investigate, but the nightwing asked the unicorn to check it out instead. This supported my theory: since the nightwing pony insisted on being stationed at the door, it seems more likely that he (and only he) is a vampony guarding the entrance.

As the guard walked down the stairs, I popped out from hiding and used TK to hold his mouth shut. I smiled and placed a hoof to my mouth to indicate the need for silence, and gestured for him to come down all the way.

"Princess Twilight!" he whispered, then bowed deeply. "It's a pleasure to see you here. Although you should know that Prince Shining Armor arrived some time ago, and he gave orders that nopony should enter the castle without his explicit consent. Also, he asked that we inform him if you showed up."

"Please do not tell him I'm here. We're setting up a surprise party of sorts, and neither my brother, nor Princess Luna, can be informed of my presence," I whispered back.

"Of course, Princess," he said. "Do you need entrance to the castle?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't want members of the Lunar Guard to know I'm in Canterlot because they may report this back to Princess Luna, and that would also spoil the surprise," I explained. I was a little worried he wasn't going to buy it. Did I mention I have a terrible poker face?

"Forgive me for asking Princess, but... is there anything wrong?" the guard asked me, whispering very quietly.

I sighed and nodded yes. "Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadance have been taken over by a dark force, as have some of my friends. I am fairly certain it has happened to Princess Luna as well. The situation is quite dire, and both kingdoms are in terrible danger. I need to find Princess Celestia immediately."

The guard's face went pale (despite the fact that his pelt was cream-colored to begin with). "I see. I suppose that explains this," he said, and pulled a small scroll from his armor. It was addressed to me, and it had Princess Celestia's seal. "The Princess requested that I keep this secret from the other guards, and asked that I volunteer for castle duty in the evenings until she returns. Her intent was for it to reach your hooves without anypony else knowing, not even Princess Luna."

I took the scroll and breathed a huge sigh of relief. "This is excellent news. Thank you so much for your bravery and resolve," I said, and noticed the guard blush slightly. "You must know what you're up against, however. The enemy has the ability to infect ponies with some kind of vampony factor, and once infected they are driven mad with sexual urges. It's very hard to resist, but I can't provide details safely now because if you become a victim you are likely to turn against us."

The guard's eyes widened. "Princess! I would never—"

"Yes, actually, you would," I interrupted. "It's too powerful for anypony to resist it. The only reason I'm not corrupt is for various reasons I can't be affected by the bite. Anyway, watch your back carefully."

He nodded solemnly. "I need to return before the other guard becomes suspicious. Is there anything else?"

"Yes. Where did Celestia go, when did she leave, and who arrived in Shining Armor's company?"

"The Princess left for the Crystal Empire a day or two ago. Prince Shining Armor arrived with several guards: two Night Guards from Canterlot, a crystal pony, and a pegasus with orange pelt and blue hair," he said.

"Flash Sentry," I murmured, thinking. "Sorry; do go on."

"Miss Rarity came with him, and I think another of your friends, a chestnut earthen with a cowboy hat. She had earrings on, which I believe were identical to the marble ones you're wearing. Miss Rarity had stainless steel versions. Both mares had collars which matched their earrings, with a soft fur-like lining on the inside. The earth pony seemed very agitated, and in retrospect I suspect she might have been a prisoner the way she was led into the castle. Though my initial assessment was simply that she was feeling ill."

"Anypony or anything else?"

"No, that's it... although from what you mentioned about, well, sex... the chestnut mare was, well," he whispered, blushing furiously. "It were as though she were in heat, were that sort of condition possible for ponies, of course. Forgive my tone," he timidly offered.

"Guardstallion?" called out the nightwing from the doorway.

"Thank you; go and good luck," I quickly whispered, and gave him a hug which probably surprised the heck out of him. He blushed again and trotted quickly back up the stairs.

"It was a gopher digging in the gravel," he said, trotting briskly back up the steps. "Rather amusing; sorry for the delay..."

Well, I might not be a gopher, but I was digging alright... and coming up with a lot more than gravel.

It wasn't hard to teleport into the castle undetected, but I was still concerned about alerting any guards. I needed to find out where ponies were, to see if I could gather any more intel before deciding how to proceed. Obviously, I cracked the seal on the scroll and read it, but it was written with a cryptographic cipher. It would probably be trivial for me to crack it, but hard for anypony else. Clearly, Princess Celestia didn't want this information to fall into the wrong hooves. I peeled off most of the wax so it wasn't obvious that this message had come from the Princess. Then I wrapped it tightly in my tail, which would safely hide it as long as I didn't gallop (I'd left the saddlebags behind).

After nearly a half-hour of very careful searching, I approached the Lunar Boardroom and heard discussion coming from within. This was the smaller of two peacetime negotiation rooms that the Diarchy uses to handle tense political situations. One benefit of the Lunar Boardroom is it lies adjacent to two guest bedrooms. This is useful for hosting dignitaries in poor health, so they would not need to travel far from their rooms. As it turns out, I know the location of an adjacent closet within the bounds of the silencing enchantment (it doesn't stop all sound but it scrambles it so the words aren't recoverable). I also have the magical fortitude to teleport in quietly without tripping the alarm. It's complicated, but I've always studied espionage because it seemed so intriguing in my youth. I never knew I'd get to use these skills someday; what fortune!

Once inside, I heard four voices. Two were likely nightwings from the archaic phrasing; one was my brother; and one was Flash Sentry. Judging by the sounds there could have been more ponies present in the room, however.

"...about transforming the guard unto their new purpose," said one nightwing. (I'm glad I have this transcription spell running, or I'd be winging the dialogue and would certainly miss a lot of important clues. I did have to write about Cheerilee from memory but that situation burned itself into my brain pretty heavily.)

"I agree. We can't do it right away, but we need to get started now," said my brother. "The Captain is ours fortunately, but we need to hit the ranks directly beneath him as soon as possible. I'm having the Captain announce a training session to be held in the caverns below, and we can handle the lot of them right then and there, everypony from the First Lieutenants down to Master Sergeants. We'll do it tomorrow if possible, but it may need to be delayed. The Captain couldn't be here with us tonight due to prior commitments which would raise suspicion, were he not to attend."

Flash Sentry coughed. "Permission to speak frankly—" he began.

"You don't need permission, Flash. Under the Order we rank as equals, and it's only us in here," said my brother. Hmm. "The Order" sounds pretty ominous.

"Though as well, the cunt in the room adjoining this," said the other nightwing (I presume). I nearly panicked, but held my resolve. They couldn't be talking about me, they just couldn't. But then I heard some muffled yelling from a distance, and I realized they had a pony gagged back there.

"Oh, right, on that: can't we just finish breaking her now?" asked Flash.

"We need her for Twilight Sparkle as a just-in-case. I don't like leaving her bound like that either; AJ of all ponies deserves better than to suffer like this. But it won't be for long, and she'll agree with us that the wait was worth it. She's an amazing pony," said Brother. "I think we should sedate her for now so she won't be tortured by the lack of release, so I'll go ahead and do that after we adjourn."

I winced. Poor Applejack. I need to rescue her, but she's literally in the worst possible place she could be in, other than the throne room. Or maybe pinned beneath Cheerilee, I suppose. I'd have to make a longer-ranged teleport and I don't think I could do so quietly. Plus they probably have both rooms enchanted. I don't want to wait, but I have no choice. It's good to know she hasn't fallen, though. That mare is the most stubborn pony I know, bless her wild cowpony heart.

I'm scared to admit this, but a large part of my heart still aches for her. Do they possibly know?

"Okay. But what I wanted to say was about the nobility. They've been remarkably easy to infiltrate, but they're starting to be way too obvious. Some of our stallions are taking far too many chances," said Flash Sentry.

"It depends most prime upon whether or not these stallions are attempting deception properly, against a lack of attempt altogether," said the first nightwing pony.

"If they're not trying, they're cunts. We should have waited until we could reap them properly. We can't take risks, not now," said Shining Armor, "and most of them were going to end up mare-cunts anyway. Being sloppy is a cry for help. The ones who are already subjugated need more discipline, too, in at least a couple of cases. Yesterday, one of our company reported a stallion with his horn cut off standing on a veranda in broad daylight. I understand we don't have every cunt owned by a permanent Master yet, but they need temporaries at the least."

"The Prince Blueblood has also been difficult. He manages his property poorly, and his actions are becoming a significant liability. He may not be fit in the formal sense," said the second nightwing.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Rarity has some ideas on how to extend the badges, and that may help if only a little," said Brother. "However, she should be in Ponyville by the morning after next, and her work there is absolutely critical to our success. Princess Celestia can safely be stonewalled by Shy and our Kingdom forces, for the time being."

"Could we discuss some of the larger loose ends? You know who I mean. We have a proactive plan to handle them both before a panic ensues, but we all need to be on the same page," Flash Sentry said.

"The spectral one has been sighted here in Canterlot by two ponies, neither within the company. However, the sightings have not been confirmed. Despite this lack of direct evidence, she is likely here now," said the second nightwing.

Oh thank Celestia. Rainbow survived, and she was still dependable as a rock. I held back the tears, but only just barely.

"Shit. Well, I don't really know where to go with that. I'm not too worried about her at the moment, because she's not very good at getting ponies on her side. She's brilliant in many ways, but has unrefined social skills that provide a safe bulwark against rallying the nobility or even getting them to listen to her. The bigger question is something I am actually ashamed to admit I have considered, but... I was wondering if we should lead Twilight to believe that Rainbow perished," my brother—no, wait. There was no way this monster was my brother. I'll just say "Shining Armor" because right now I want to plant my hoof in his stomach hard enough to make him gasp for breath.

"Ugh. I don't like that," said Flash Sentry. "I really don't. That's far too hurtful."

"It would be for the good of the Order, and another temporary sacrifice," said the first nightwing.

"Well, it won't come up because I'm not convinced it would help. If she thinks that her actions actually led to the death of one of her close friends, then she might be harder to convert rather than easier. It's an escalation of commitment thing, one of her psych books went into depth on it. I used to read a lot of Twilie's study material just to keep up with her enough to have an intelligent conversation," he said, and chuckled. "Moon, how I miss her."

How can be be so like my brother, yet so unlike my brother at the same time?

Shining Armor continued, "I don't think we have to be horrible ponies this time. But we will pretend we don't know what happened to Dash, and then if she seems to go nuts over that, we can admit we know that Dash is actually okay."

"But what of planning for these two tangles?" said the first nightwing.

"I don't think our strat on that has changed," said Flash. "We'll put out a PR campaign tomorrow explaining that Dash and Twi have lost their minds, simple as that. Everypony will be on the lookout and they won't escape detection for long. And in all honesty, it's not far from the truth." There were murmurs of agreement.

At this point, I heard hoofsteps approaching the closet so I teleported out and quietly hightailed it out of the castle (with a silencing spell so my hoofbeats wouldn't be heard, though I think the teleport out might have been). Things were not looking up; but Celestia was definitely with me, Applejack was still unbroken (whatever that means), Rainbow Dash was free and on our side, I had one loyal guard to support us (if only I can remember his bucking name!), and most importantly, I knew Rarity's actions in Ponyville were in some way vital to the Order.

I got home quickly. I met Dad in the foyer. He apologized to me (it's always scary when the apology prepends the thing a pony is apologizing for) and warned me not to be alarmed, but he had read through my journal and he knew the full details of what was going on. I was pretty devastated by the fact my Dad read about my first orgasm and all the other horrid shit I've been through, but he hugged me and said it was alright and I'd done an amazing job keeping track of everything.

"When you're done with all this," he said, "that journal will be an important memento for you. As hard as these experiences have been, it's good for you to write those things down. I'm actually proud of you, Princess. For being able to, well, learn and explore your sexuality in the middle of a crisis that has a lot to do with sex, especially since we probably didn't take enough initiative to teach you these things. I regret that a lot. You're an amazing young mare, Twilight Sparkle," he said with a warm smile, and I sobbed softly in his arms yet again.

I sniffed and informed Dad about the PR campaign. "You... you don't think I'm crazy do you Daddy?" I asked, feeling very vulnerable.

"Sweetheart, Mom and I both know for a fact that you're nowhere near losing your marbles," he said, and chuckled. That seemed kind of odd, but he was just trying to cheer me up. "Be strong," he added. I smiled and headed off to the guest bedroom.

I just sent a message to Spike warning him about Rarity's return and how crucial her work in Ponyville supposedly is. That leaves me with a single scroll (not counting the ciphertext note), and I have an important plan B prepared for that. I wrote four words across the top of the spare scroll that might just save my haunches should push come to shove. I then stuffed it into the saddle bags.

These marble earrings are really bothering me. It's just the constant tugging from them. They don't hurt at all, fortunately, but I can't forget they're on and it's embarrassing knowing they're probably some kind of badging mechanism. I still have no idea what the difference is between marble, steel, copper, gold, and whatever other styles Rarity has. As much as I suspect it may simple fashion, that doesn't match what she said about the accents on my outfit. That one comment still has my wheels turning.

I'm very nervous and sleep isn't coming, so Mom made me some nice herbal tea. She was actually trying to get me to take some earlier, and I probably should have taken her up on it. I've just started drinking it now and I have to admit, it's really helping to calm me down. I'm actually super tired at the moment so I'm going to set the journal in my saddle bags and sleep. Tail feels weird. Oops I forgot scroll, ha! No brush teeth, too tired//

We'll return them once we're satisfied you are finally safe. –Big T.

Day 47 (Family)

About the note: I'm now missing six of the most important pages of this journal (three if you count them singly). I feel stupid for not seeing this coming, especially since there were a lot of hints. I'd like to think the hints stemmed from guilt, but I suspect they are a part of the same insanity. Acceptance of perversion and oddball humor seem to go hoof-in-hoof, even using Pinkie Pie as an example. (I wonder if that makes her safer, or less safe?)

Anyway, I can't blame anypony for taking ludicrous precautions around me. I just succeeded at a magical feat that nopony, apart perhaps from Princess Celestia, could have pulled off. That's not some The-Great-and-Powerful-Trixie-style bragging (though I am proud of the feat). It's just a cold, hard fact. If I were Twilight Sparkle's adversary, I'd be scared shitless too.

Unfortunately, I feel like I might actually be my own adversary.

Anyway, it's not a big deal. Even without the stolen pages, there's still more than enough here to tell Princess Celestia or anypony else what to be aware of, and Celestia is already actively opposing the Spring Order. However, I'm going to reconstruct the entries from memory, just to be safe (okay, and maybe because I'm little bit anal-retentive). Rewriting the pages might make them a bit less accurate, and it means I'll be forced to relive the experiences for a third time. Recent events will come first, though, while they're still fresh in my mind. "Fortunately" (that was sarcasm), recording this particular entry should make the rewrites easy by comparison.

I don't remember what I was dreaming about, but it must have been nice. I woke into a very groggy hypnopompic state, and I felt a hug encircling me from behind: forelegs around my barrel and rear legs entwined with mine. Immediately it brought to mind the only time somepony had hugged me this way in bed since marehood.

"Mnnh... Pony... Love you so much, Applejack..." I murmured. (Or something like that.)

The hug tightened, and I heard a soft, but endearing, "Awwww!" come from elsewhere in the room.

"I'm sure she loves you just as much, Princess," somepony whispered gently in my ear. Somepony who sounded a little like my brother. I was still too groggy to realize this might not be a good thing.

"BBBFF?" I mumbled. "Zat you? Whatcha doin'?" I smiled and leaned my head back into the hug, and somepony kissed the top of my head. It's been a long time since I felt this comfortable and happy, since I lacked the anxiety I had before when AJ was with me in bed. I felt warm all over, and protected, and loved. It's almost a shame the feeling was so short-lived.

It took a minute for my situation to register. I gasped, opened my eyes, and panicked.

"Shhhh. It's okay Twilight. Please, please relax," came the normally-comforting voice of Night Light, my father. "Nopony is going to hurt you. Daddy promises."

It was light outside, just past dawn, and soft rays filtered into the room through the partially-open blinds. I couldn't see anypony else, but I couldn't move my neck except with great effort. Dad was holding me, which normally would have been fine, but it was a little weird that he was under the covers with me. My limbs wouldn't respond at all. Although I felt awake, I figured I must still be half-asleep.

"Sleep paralysis?" I gasped. I could move my mouth and eyes, at least. My magic didn't take. This was all wrong: sleep paralysis should have shut everything down.

"We needed to make sure you weren't going to hurt yourself, Twilight. I'm so sorry; we didn't mean to scare you. Please don't hate us, Princess," Dad whispered in my ear.

"NO!!!" I shouted. A hoof clamped over my mouth.

"Shhhhh," said Dad, trying to comfort me. "Getting upset won't help anything. Nopony else can hear you. I want you to use that brilliant mind of yours to realize the right thing to do right now is to relax. I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have. You're in no immediate danger, you're still our wonderful amazing daughter, and you're completely safe."

He let go of my mouth and I panted nervously. "Why can't I move?" I pleaded.

"Lingering effects of the tea. Again, to keep you from hurting yourself."

"Ounckse?" I asked.

"Yes. I suppose we shouldn't be surprised you'd know about them. It's a temporary necessity, Princess."

"You're holding me for Brother, aren't you," I said, my voice cracking with fear.

"Not specifically for him, no. But he doesn't want to hurt you either, and even you must know that by now."

"You can't believe him, Daddy, I swear, everything I wrote in the journal is true!"

Another familiar voice came from the far corner of the room, where I could not see. "We know you're telling the truth, darling. That's really not the problem," said Twilight Velvet. Hearing my mother speak had confirmed my fears. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping it would all go away.

"They got to you," I whispered, already knowing it was so.

Behind me, Dad sighed softly. "Of course they did, precious," he said. "Our son loves us both very much, just as he loves you. We were early converts to the Spring Order because he wanted us in at the ground level. I tried to drop hints, just to give you a fair warning, but you were just too ~~mixed up~~ to listen."

So the "Order" had a name. Interesting. But my attention was focused on the last thing Dad had said. At first I thought he said "mixed up", but that wasn't it. After a moment of confusion, I realized he actually said, "...you were too fixed up to listen". That doesn't make any sense to me. I wonder: does "fixed" have anything to do with "breaking"?

There's a lot I don't understand about this Spring Order. Is it a group of ponies? Is it a part of the nightwing stallions' insane plan? Is it a social structure? I suspect the terminology isn't supposed to be understood by outsiders, in which case it acts both as a shibboleth and a veil. In retrospect, I wish I'd asked my parents more questions when I'd had the chance.

I was trying not to cry so I could focus on an escape plan. I was hoping the rational part of my subconscious mind would push all my emotions to the back of the cart and forcefully grab the reins, but it wasn't happening. I couldn't move my arms or legs, and the ounckse was probably on tight. It seemed my only out was convincing my parents that they were wrong. This was not a promising course of action, but what else could I do?

"Can you just help me understand WHY you would do this to me?" I said, trying not to shout. Dad was right, the house was soundproofed well, and I didn't want his hoof over my mouth again. (His hoof smelled very pleasant actually, like cloves, but that wasn't really helping.)

Mom trotted over to where I could see her, and she smiled demurely at me and blushed before laying down on a sofa under the window. Her ears sported the copper earrings, and her horn... Gone, all but a tiny plateau. She must have been dehorned sometime last evening. Mom was capped, just like Cadance, but in copper. In addition, she wore a comfortable-looking fuzzy-lined copper collar with a thick copper ring on the front of it.

"Isn't your mother the most beautiful mare you've ever laid eyes on?" Dad cooed, gently snugging me as Mom blushed again. I have to admit, my mother was gorgeous for a mare her age. I wasn't comfortable thinking about that at the time, though.

I decided to fake emotionality to draw a response of sympathy. This was a gross miscalculation on my part, because you can't fake something if it's already real.

"Why would you DO this? Why? Please, Daddy, why are you betraying me? Was it something I did wrong? Wasn't I good enough for you???" I begged, and that's when the tears started coming full-force: not as a ruse, but legitimately. Twilight Velvet came over and held tissues to my face to make the experience less miserable.

"Oh, Little Tee. My sweet baby. You're already perfect," said Mom. "We're not trying to change you, just unfix you. We want you to be happy. We weren't exactly the best parents..."

"But you WERE!" I wailed into the tissues. "You were the best parents ever!"

"We were good parents, sweetie," said Dad, "but we did screw things up when it came to teaching you about sex. We were ashamed, probably because of how our parents failed to teach us properly, and so on; it's a vicious cycle. But all that shame is gone now. Poof! Just like that. Doesn't that sound wonderful, Princess? Don't you want to stop feeling this awful?"

"Mom is embarrassed," I pointed out. She smiled and blushed in response, still tending to my sore eyes.

"Embarrassment isn't shame. Most ponies might not understand the difference, but you're educated enough to know that," said Dad, and he was right. The difference is significant. Shame is more like primal embarrassment, and it's awful. It brings you all the way back to some moment where you did something terrible, or where something terrible was done to you, and you just can't escape it. Embarrassment is cute, by comparison (though often very uncomfortable).

"What, I," I choked, trying to get the words out. Problem was, I was out of words and short on hope. I started to raise the white flag of surrender. "Just... what do you want me to do," I asked meekly in resignation, sniffling as I stopped crying. Mom cleaned up my face, petted my forelock gently, and kissed me on the cheek. I saw her smiling very proudly at me as she watched me in the process of giving up. I was so lost and confused, but she seemed so happy...

Dad took in a deep breath. "We only want to open you up to some new experiences. That's all we want. There are many things that will greatly enrich your life, and help develop who you are as a young mare. You'll be happy beyond your wildest dreams, Princess, I just know you will. Just like we are," Dad promised, gently stroking my belly. He nosed at my earring and continued, "and in no time flat we'll get you out of these marble accessories and into something far more appropriate."

"I still don't understand why," I whispered. "Just... why?"

"You'll understand soon, I promise. Can't you trust us just this once, Twilight? What you've been doing to yourself isn't healthy. You won't trust your friends, you won't trust your brother, and now you won't even trust your parents! We didn't want to scare you like this, but what choice did you leave us with, sweetcheeks?"

At that moment, I actually gave up all hope. I was exhausted and paralyzed, I couldn't reason with my parents, I had no arguments that made any sense, and I had a hole in my heart large enough to fit all of my friends and family. Even when things started getting more disturbing, I was unable to care.

I felt it behind me, between my Dad and my back, right up against my spine. I hadn't noticed it at first, but it was much firmer now. As Night Light nuzzled my neck and kissed my ears, I could feel it throbbing back there. Yeah, that kind of throbbing. But that wasn't really a surprise. What was surprising is that I wasn't put off by it at all. It was warm, and it felt natural back there, like an important part of the hug or something. I actually didn't care that my dad enjoyed rubbing his penis against the croup and loin of my back. I guess I should say "cock" to sound like less of a dork, but then again perhaps it's only the Order that talks that profanely? I'd have been horribly freaked out if he started raping me without warning, but somehow I knew he wouldn't try anything like that.

There was still a small part of me resisting, at least. If my magic had worked at that moment, I would have teleported out in a heartbeat. I might not have been horrified by Dad frotting against my croup, but part of me was horrified that I wasn't horrified. I still had the meta, at least. Anyway, while my mind was spinning dizzy about this sort of thing, I closed my eyes. Dad kissed my cheeks and Mom stroked my face with her hooves. They were double-teaming me, both of them massaging and kissing and stroking me and forcing me to feel pleasure, despite my deep-set reluctance. I even began to feel comfort washing over me. This was a battle I simply could not win. The love I had (neigh: have) for my parents was too deep. It was mixing with the feelings in my heart in a perverted but pleasurable manner. I'm not proud of this.

I felt this incredible sensation which forced my eyes open. I knew what it was right away. Mom was gently sucking on my horn, blushing bright red as she did so. I didn't want to get off on it, of course, but I was. I felt myself flowing down below. This was the end, I thought. Maybe Dad was going to "pop" me after all. I guess it would have been fitting if he had. But true to his promises, he merely sat there and dribbled onto my saddle area as he stroked my barrel with both hooves, heading downward toward my teats.

I was probably blushing more than Mom was. I started moaning softly. "Please, no, Mom... I don't want to like this," I whispered, my body quivering even though I had no physical control over it.

"It's okay Princess. Daddy and Mommy are here, and we love you. Everything is going to be just fine," said Dad, grinding his cock against the loin of my back as he gently stroked my teats with one hoof.

It didn't take me very long to reach the second orgasm I've had in my life. This one was different, though. I felt it focused in different parts of me: in my skull and my horn and my face, and to a much lesser extent my vagina (which quivered). It felt almost like my vulva was going to spray. (I'm also guessing that word "cunt" might be less dorky than vagina, but I'm not sure if it means vulva or vagina.) I moaned out loud, clenching my eyes shut tightly as a short wave of guilt hit me; it quickly passed. Ironically, being completely restrained actually made it a nice experience, because I couldn't blame myself for what happened. Maybe that's part of the allure of getting tied up? Dear Celestia, some of this is actually starting to make sense! How I miss the simple comfort of my ignorant innocence. In all my foalhood, I never could have imagined I'd hate knowing something, but here I am.

Mom finished sucking her saliva from my horn, and kissed it with soft, little pecks as I gasped and panted.

"We're so proud of you, our perfect pony Princess," Dad whispered in my ear, then gently nibbled on it.

I can't lie. At that very moment, I was entirely on board. Part of me wanted Dad to fuck me. Part of me wanted to join Mom, at his side, wearing my own little copper collar, though the idea of losing my horn was still awful. And it was even worse than that. I was starting to feel romantic, right there with my parents. I knew this wasn't right. A mare shouldn't fall in love with her mother and father. It was sick to the core, but I could not tell where family love ended and romantic love began, and my heart did flips thinking about Dad's cock, inside me, making me his. Forever. I was still resisting on some level, but they had their daughter right where they wanted her.

But then things got really weird.

Mom stood and exited my field of view and returned with a strange marble brick. The brick's top was a rectangle about one hoof high and two hooves wide, and the brick looked to be about half a hoof deep (this was an easy estimate because my mother was holding the thing in two hooves). It looked like a solid chunk of marble, except the brick had a small stainless steel strip, maybe five centimeters wide, running across the short (up-down) dimension of the top of the box. There was a seam in the center of the strip.

"Master, is she ready to lose them?" whispered Mom, her eyes glimmering with eagerness. I could see fangs in her mouth, just barely poking into view. I bit at my lip, worried by the mystery object and the use of the term "Master" to refer to my father. My anxiety was muted by the heavy afterglow which crawled through my skin from nose to dock, so I lay and observed in helpless silence.

"For most mares I think it would be fine, but I don't think she's ready yet," Dad said plainly. "We need to go slowly with our precious baby while she still has her marbles in." I think that made me blush, not that I fully understood it mind you, but it also made me wonder. Apparently, my curiosity can't even be slaked by having sex with my parents while paralyzed and wearing a shameful magic blocking ring on my horn. (Ugh, I feel revolting and wrong right now... It literally hurts me.)

"What... what's going on?" I asked, desperate to learn more.

Dad kissed me on my cheek. "It's something you're not ready to understand just yet, Twi. In due time, you will."

"I want to know. It's not like I can get away," I argued, my voice soft and slow.

Night Light paused for a moment, as though thinking deeply. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to show her, then," he said, and my mother smiled broadly as she tugged at the steel strip. The two sections slipped apart from one another, exposing a strip of the interior of the block. The sections then folded ninety-degrees downward along the sides of the block and locked in place. Inside the block was a mat of soft, black, crushed velvet. On that mat lay a small, round, shiny stone of a dull red color. The stone was wider than the strip, so it looked impossible to remove.

"Your friend Rarity made the boxes," Dad whispered in my ear, as though it were a dark secret. "The stones are old artifacts the nightwing founders of the Order have repurposed with a very special enchantment."

"What kind... of..." I said, but as I stared at the stone, it appeared to change. Across the entire stone I could see a lime-green sky with tangerine clouds rolling by, and the colors rotated slowly through various neon hues.

"Staring at the stone activates the enchantment, so you see," he said, kissing my cheek as I lay there transfixed. "It won't function at all without a pony's consent; or at least, not without their assent, if they are incapable of fully consenting. However, a pony's assent is very easy to acquire. It just takes a tiny bite, a little time, and patience..."

Dad's voice was fading from reality. All I could see now was the field of clouds, in every direction. The sky was gaudy dark magenta and the clouds electric blue; then yellow-orange clouds on an olive sky; and then I felt something digging into my forehead. The tiny headache snapped me out of the trance. I closed my eyes, and the vision and pain dissipated.

"You don't have to do it now, Little Tee, but you will need to do it soon," said Mom. I reopened my eyes and looked at her. I carefully avoided eye contact with the stone.

"My head hurt. What is this? Tell me," I asked, anxiety starting to creep into my voice.

"I knew this was a bad idea," said Dad.

"Please," I begged. I wasn't angling to escape, I just wanted to know what the buck was going on.

Mom smiled softly. "It helps make you better, in a manner of speaking."

"I don't understand. Are you trying to hypnotize me or something? I can't move, I can't fight you..." I complained, feeling exhausted merely from trying to move my unresponsive limbs.

"It corrects part of your mind. Physically," Dad explained.

"You're doing something to my brain."

"Yes. Something wonderful," he said. "It takes time, though. Once it actually begins, you can't stop it, but you won't want to either."

"I don't understand."

Mom looked me in the eyes. "There's a part of your brain, right up here," she said, pointing right between her eyes but up about half a centimeter, "that serves no good purpose. It's a destructive and harmful part. The stone removes it, and in doing so, it frees you."

I remember how nervous my mother looked the moment after she said that. My expression must have been one of pure horror. "It removes part of your brain?" I gasped, almost choking on the words.

"It's a very tiny piece, Princess," my Dad said, trying to reassure me. "Very tiny. Negligible. Not something you would ever miss. It doesn't control magic, or logic, or sensation, or executive functioning, or anything like that."

"It will help you to accept things as they are," said Mom. "You won't have any of that anxiety I can see in your face. All of that will become a thing of the past. Isn't that a good thing?"

"I..." I said. It was a few moments before I had the words. "Mom! Destroying part of a pony's brain is not reversible!"

"That's why it's good," Dad whispered. "It's a permanent solution. When you're ready, it will be here for you. And very soon, you will be ready."

"Sweetie. I'm the same mother I've always been, aren't I? I've only been changed only for the better. Surely you can see the tranquility..." she began a little speech, but everything past that point rolled right out of my ears like the drippings from a light summer rain.

I had to escape. But the paralysis and the ounckse made it impossible. What hadn't I thought of? I started racking my brain to remember everything Princess Celestia had taught me, every weapon in the book, every teaching, every spell. It all raced through my mind, lesson after lesson, one by one, all of my formal training, like a wildfire of images and thoughts and experiences and... !

Oh sweet, sweet epiphany.

I knew something. I knew a kind of magic that didn't require the full use of my horn, my hooves, or even my wings. It wasn't nomenmancy for the naming of foals, or cutie-mark magic which we can't quite control, or even weather magic. It was something beyond all of those.

It was dark magic.

This was not a big downside, because I'm not evil and I don't use it often. This definitely qualified as an extreme enough situation to warrant its use. Dark magic required only my eyes, which the ounckse probably didn't block. My horn was still necessary as a mana cavity, but maybe that wasn't enough for the ounckse to prevent casting. I didn't know if it would work or not, but I had to try if I wanted my brain, and transitively my mind, to remain intact.

As I focused through my eyes, the room became bathed in green light from my perspective. My mother would have seen my eyes turn green, purple ribbons of energy rippling past them to the sides like smoke made of shadows. That probably would explain her look of terror.

"Master, something's wrong! She's casting!" she said, backing up two steps. With the green light, I could see the insignia which appeared on both the collar and her horn-cap: it was my father's cutie mark. Not a huge surprise there. I couldn't see the earrings well enough, but those are a safe bet. I could see the box, which appeared to have a minor enchantment on the whole thing, and the stone inside shone like fire. Again, not a huge surprise.

"Damn it! We knew this might happen, our baby is capable of anything. Hold her neck, bitch. I'll retrieve the sedative," said Dad, clearly nervous. Mom reached in gingerly to hold my neck in place, her face miserable with worry for her child. But my emotions had taken second fiddle to my sense of self-preservation, so it didn't affect me. I was in the self-preservation zone, and I no longer had control of anything (I probably should have considered that before using dark magic, but in retrospect I'd have done it anyway). My mind was on autopilot.

I know how to see through dark sight. I also know how to activate dark magic enchantments. Princess Celestia taught me both of these things in preparation for my confrontation with King Sombra. However, because the magic was evil, I never experimented with it further. I had no idea if I could do any other magic tricks with it. I certainly didn't know how to pump a horn-based magic spell through my eyes as a dark version of the same spell, or even if something like that would be possible. Before that very moment, I hadn't even considered the possibility of such a thing. But I had perhaps two seconds to get it to work, and my mind was racing so fast I was about to have my own little sonic rainboom, magically speaking. So I did.

There was a flash of purple and black which traced from my vanished body to the door, and my paralyzed body reappeared right there beside my bag.

"Sweetie, please, don't leave us!" my mother cried out. "You're not well!"

Dad jumped to attention, comically erect, and leaped off the bed for me.

"Mm srry," I said half-heartedly with part of the saddlebags in my mouth. Then I repeated the magical stunt, and jumped directly into our basement.

The good part of the evil teleport version is that it's silent (unlike the normal version). But the bad part is that it leaves an obvious trail, so my parents both saw exactly where I was headed. I was still very short on time. I had to think on my hooves, and I still couldn't move them (although they were beginning to tingle).

I rapid fired off a third teleport, to pry the ounckse from my horn. I momentarily thought it might be easier to use telekinesis through my eyes, but I went with what I knew worked, and I now know that it was the right choice. It was painful and really exhausting to scrape the magical item off with a teleport, though (ow). But I finally had my horn back!

Advance Temporal on my body, by six hours to be safe. Wham. Now I was hungry, thirsty, and a little tired, but my limbs could function again. I jumped to my feet, muscles a bit stiff. My parents were galloping down the stairs. I teleported upstairs (normally of course), then immediately into the back yard, then long-distance to a warehouse I could see about a kilometer away (our backyard has a beautiful scenic view), then used Hasp Unfix to open the gate. Nopony was inside. Turns out it's an aviation storage unit, and it doesn't look like it's been used in years. Perfect. I ran in, shut the gate and collapsed on the concrete floor. That's where I am now.

I need to get to Ponyville as soon as I can (in order to stop Rarity), but I'm too exhausted, and I'm very, very hungry. I have enough rations in my bag to sate my hunger, and there's a water fountain in here that works, so I'll be fine for a while, but I may need to nap to recover fully. I'll see if resting is sufficient, and while I rest I'll do my best to reconstruct the missing pages. Those will help remind me why I'm sitting here in a dimly lit and dusty warehouse and help to reassure me that my sacrifices have not been in vain. This isn't over yet, not by a long shot. No ounckse can hold Twilight Sparkle captive ever again, and that's a huge achievement.

Oh, I remembered the scroll in my tail a little while ago while I was writing this madness down. I've placed it in my bags since then. I'm not sure it will be easy for me to translate the message after all, because a quick once-over did not reveal an obvious key to the cipher. I won't attempt it until I reach Ponyville.

I practiced telekinesis with dark magic. It's incredibly difficult, and not much easier than (or different from) teleportation. Very surprising. I'm not going to experiment with it anymore. I already have enough horrible forces vying for control of Twilight Sparkle. I don't need to add another known bad influence to the pile.

The back of my neck is really sore and itchy, probably from trying to move it around when it was mostly paralyzed. I guess you'll have to double as my pillow and my only listening friend today, journal. This probably sounds insane, but I miss my parents so much right now. Permanent changes mean... well, what? That I may never see my real parents and friends again, unless I master a medical spell beyond anything that is currently understood? I have to put this all out of my mind, or I'll start crying again. Fuck.

I'm so bucking lonely right now.

Day 43 (The Confrontation) (Restored) (Part 1 of 2)

This is the reconstruction of the remainder of Day 43 (The Confrontation) which was ripped out of my journal. I began reconstruction of this entry on Day 47. I completed reconstruction on Day 47 .

Margin note: this is only Part 1 of this entry's reconstruction; there is more to follow.

Fluttershy and Rarity had recently emerged from their room to speak with me in the hallway.

Fluttershy shook her head, teary-eyed. "I don't understand why you won't even trust us just this once, when it really matters."

I felt anger rise in my breast. "Trust you, after the way you both acted at dinner? Are you crazy?"

Fluttershy reached out and touched my shoulder gently with a hoof. "We are the same ponies, Twilight. We're still your friends. We haven't lost our minds. The only thing that makes any of this controversial is there is a... process you must go through, but you will be so happy once you do! You will thank us for it. That's not an exaggeration. It is one hundred percent true." (More like a creepy motto, I thought.)

"You want to let mares get raped! Do you want to see your friends traumatized and suffering, Fluttershy? Is that actually what you want?" I said, growling.

"That's not at all what this is about," said Rarity. "Nopony is getting raped, Twilight. Period. There might be a lot of sex, but it's not rape when the participants assent."

"You mean consent," I said.

"No, assent. The difference is largely technical, but it means the ponies involved don't need to understand the consequences of their actions; they only need to want to take those actions," said Rarity. "Granted, in extreme circumstances somepony may not assent until after the sex has occurred. But eventual assent is guaranteed, with no lingering trauma. So that detail doesn't really matter."

"Ugh. Rarity, that's still rape," I said.

"Um, excuse me," said Fluttershy. "But last night, Applejack definitely didn't have your consent, Twilight. You'd never had sex before, and she didn't explain much to you. You had no possible chance of understanding the repercussions of your actions. Does that make her a rapist?"

I turned beet red. "How... how did you..."

"Well, you were both very loud," said Rarity, "but it's okay, it didn't bother us. We thought it was..."

"Adorable!" squeaked Fluttershy, with a silly grin. "We were so happy for both of you! You deserve to feel loved, Twilight, and so does she. We hoped the experience would help you get over your problems with—"

"We weren't that loud, and the walls should have muffled the noise!" I whispered. I think my eyes might have been watering up. I felt awful. I never would have... well, I don't know. I guess I would have done it anyway to help Applejack.

Rarity shrugged. "Well, first off, our hearing is more acute than that of normal ponies. Because of the, well, you know," she said, smiling. Her teeth appeared normal at first, but then her upper canines (tooth numbers 6 and 11, if you're a dentist) magically changed shape and lengthened slightly. Her fangs aren't very long, perhaps two centimeters in extension beyond the incisors, but they looked razor sharp and seeing the transformation sent a dreadful chill through my neck.

"However," she continued as her teeth returned to normal, "our abilities are irrelevant. You were still loud enough that anypony could hear. That paranoid spell you put up is probably to blame. I'd wager the detection from outside to inside made it easier for information to travel in the other direction... but, that sort of thing is your forte, dear."

Shit. She was right. How did I not realize that? I guess I was distracted. Okay, I was really distracted.

"Look, Rarity... I wanted to let Applejack do what she did. I mean, I let her do it, okay? I'm not going to be ashamed of it," I said.

Post-hoc: I meant it at the time, and four days later I'm actually not ashamed of it. Feels weird to write that down now, though. I think I've grown a lot more mature just over this past week. It's kind of like learning to swim by being hurled right into the deep end of the crazysex pool. I don't recommend it, but it seems to have worked in my case. To an extent, anyway.

"Yes, and you shouldn't be," said Rarity, "but that is precisely what makes it assent. You did the right thing, Twilight. You put the needs of your friend above your silly yet crippling personal issues with law-based morality. And now that everypony knows about it, it's a good thing. You can be free." (I don't really know what she meant by that.)

Post-hoc: I still don't understand that part, but as I'm rewriting this part of the entry, I notice something. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but they were absolutely right, at least for this specific case. Helping Applejack was the right thing to do, law be damned. That didn't mean it was always right, though. Team Creepy keeps talking like they have access to unique information which proves their case, but they won't readily share it with outsiders, so how can I possibly trust them? Friends shouldn't keep secrets this important from each other!

"Everypony?" I said, as the realization slowly crossed my face. "Oh no. The others! They must have heard us too," I said, feeling the color rush from my cheeks. Rarity and Fluttershy had sympathetic looks on their muzzles as I ran back into our room.

I caught Applejack as she was was toweling off in the bathroom.

"Hay there sugarcube!" she greeted me. "Y'know Twi, I hate to admit it, but I'm startin' to think this thing ain't so bad. I might even have it under control pretty soon. I still don't know why everypony's just givin' in to your brother because of it, it's just bein' horny and all, but..."

"Applejack, um... I wanted to give you a heads up," I said, interrupting her. "Fluttershy and Rarity heard us last night, and I think everypony probably did. I'm okay with it, though."

Applejack blushed pretty deeply, then she walked up to me, reared up, and gave me a soggy hug. "I am too," she whispered, "and you're the best friend a mare could ever hope for, Twilight Sparkle." I know I was blushing. Not breaking the hug, she pulled her head back and stared into my eyes for a moment, nose-to-nose. I started feeling that wonderful feeling again, like I would be forever lost in those beautiful, sparkling green discs, so I broke eye contact.

Post-hoc: Even just thinking about her as I write this makes me feel that way all over again. Journal... am I in love with one of my best friends? Can that even happen? Or is this all just confusion from everything that has happened to us?

I still can't believe I feel this way about another mare. It doesn't really seem wrong to me anymore, but it still feels pretty weird.

"I should go talk to Rainbow Dash and... oh no, Spike," I remembered. "Oh, this is not good. That poor little colt, I probably scarred him forever." My legs were shaking.

"I'll handle them. You take a load off here, or if you feel up to it, go get more intel on our vampony friends. Once again, you're bearin' way too much of the burden on your own withers, Twilight." Applejack walked out of our room.

I sat on the edge of the bed. I don't recall how long I sat there for. Maybe it was just a minute, or maybe it was the better part of an hour. I don't even remember what I was thinking about. Eventually, I was able to cope with how I felt. What happened needed to happen and it wasn't anypony's fault (except maybe whoever bit AJ). So I stepped out into the hallway. It was empty. I knocked on the Rarishy door.

Fluttershy answered, and lowered her gaze almost immediately. "Oh, hello Twilight. You can come in if you want to talk, of course. I... I promise we won't touch you, or hug you, or anything..." she said, a very sad tone in her voice. I don't really get it, but she always has a way to make me feel like their weirdness is my fault.

I decided to walk in. Rarity was taking a bath, and the bathroom door was already open. She motioned us inside.

"Look, guys," I said as Fluttershy and I walked in and sat next to the bathtub. "I don't really know how any of this is going to go down right now. In my heart I believe that somehow we're on the same side, and your friendship is more important to me than any level of discomfort. We'll get through this someday. We just have to." I sniffed a little, feeling emotional. Two of my closest friends... what was it that was separating us? Could it really be me?

Then I broke down crying in front of two vamponies—no, two friends. It's easy to forget how close we still are, despite the distance between us from whatever disease has changed them. Fluttershy asked if they could both hug me (true to her word), and I said yes, and we all did. It really helped: both the hug, and the crying. It was a "good cry", if that makes any sense at all. Before having friends, I had never imagined that crying could be a good thing. Well, it really, truly can.

I don't remember much of the conversation that followed, since I'm rewriting this and don't have access to the magic transcription anymore. I do remember that, at some point, Rarity and Fluttershy insisted that they had hard data proving they weren't hurting anypony. What they tried to explain wasn't making any sense to me, however, and I didn't have time to listen since I was still worried that we might need to escape. Also, I think I may have nitpicked about the use of the word "data" being plural.

Post-hoc: In retrospect I realize how dorky that was, and probably pretty self-centered, too. Neither of my friends said anything about it, though. My friends are all so forgiving of my faults. Without friends for so long, I've always been socially stunted, and even with all the gains I've made over the past four years I'm still not very good at social interactions. I remember when Pinkie Pie told me about how I sounded that time I came over to help her with the Cake babies. My behavior was just atrocious, and I had no self-awareness. That's the worst part. It's probably the source of a lot of my anxieties. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop: to discover I've been doing something horrible for a long time, but only after it's far too late to mend...

I guess it's a good thing I never cared about how all the other foals used to make fun of me, or I'd probably be pretty fragile inside... I lucked out.

I left Rarishy and headed to the other room. Everypony else was there. I was very nervous, and so were Spike and Rainbow Dash. Pinkie was fine and Applejack seemed to be dealing with it well. Again, I don't remember specifics of the conversation, but I could tell Dash was really freaked out and trying to hide it. Her wings were sticking straight out the entire time we were talking. AJ said she'd explain something about pegasi to me privately, but being stationed in the middle of the Creeptastic Empire was not the right time or place for it. So it never happened.

Anyway, everypony seemed to understand how important what happened was for Applejack's sanity, so all my friends were okay with it. Spike in particular seemed really mature about the whole situation, and I think I've underestimated his maturity quite a bit. I was really glad he didn't seem to be emotionally damaged from the ordeal of overhearing his "big sister" having sex for the first time.

Post-hoc: Well... maybe it wasn't really such an ordeal after all? Maybe some of these things aren't as huge as I make them out to be, and as friends we could learn to be cool with something like this. I'm not suggesting, like, it should be okay to have sex in front of everypony, or something completely bonkers, but maybe this experience should be okay.

Should it? I think I'd like that. Does that mean I'm falling to the Spring Order? I don't know, but this particular feeling I have doesn't scare me. It feels right: not just emotionally, but logically.

We all packed our bags, and Spike tried to help Rarity with hers, but a couple of guards came by and said they'd heard we were checking out today so they would take our baggage. Flash wasn't one of them, and I sensed that was actually a Bad Thing. I insisted on keeping my saddlebags, and Applejack kept her lasso. It was pretty obvious that we were already gunning for a fight, and there was a lot of unspoken communication going on between everypony. The tension was so thick even I could pick up on it.

The guards told us that my brother wanted to talk to us one last time before we left, but if they hadn't led us to the throne room I would have felt compelled to go there anyway. I owed my brother that much, even after everything had gone so sour. I know he's still in there somewhere, deep inside that shell that looks like Brother but isn't Brother. He has to be. I will not give up hope on my BBBFF.

The guards opened the door and the seven of us walked in. After we walked in, the doors were closed behind us. Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were seated on their thrones at the end of the hall, facing us, just waiting.

From this point forward, I remember things very clearly, and have no choice but to put in all of the gory details.

"Okay, gang, huddle time," I said. Six heads met in a ring, and Spike hung out beneath and between Rarity and I.

"Um, Twilight?" Dash immediately asked. "I don't think we're all on the same side here," she said, gesturing rudely toward Fluttershy and Rarity.

"Oh, um, we can leave," said Fluttershy. "I g-guess we just thought, in case you wanted..." she continued, her voice trailing off.

"No, you guys can stay," I said, much to Rainbow Dash's frustration and a curious look from Applejack. "I don't think it really matters much anymore and nothing said here is a secret. Besides... we're all on the same side in some bizarre way, so if we part ways, we do it as friends."

"I don't think that's a wise idea, but I will respect your decision, sugarcube," said Applejack.

"Thank you Twilight," said Rarity. "It may be a simple gesture, but means a lot to both of us."

"I bet this is going to be SO MUCH FUN!" Pinkie Pie excitedly squealed. Rainbow Dash groaned in response.

I cleared my throat for attention. "Alright, here's the plan. I'm the strongest weapon here, so I'll take point. Rarity and Pinkie take my left flank, pegasi on my right, and Spike and Applejack cover the rear. That way if we can't count on Rarity or Fluttershy, um, no offense guys..."

"None taken," said Fluttershy.

"...then my flanks will still be covered," I said.

"Sounds fair, but I think I should be on that door already. We saw zero guards on the way here which is a bad sign. I'd bet half a season's harvest they're gonna line up a whole army behind us, so we need a barricade right now," said Applejack.

"Okay, that's a really good idea AJ. Are there any final comments?" I asked.

"I'm scared, Twilight," said Spike, and a concerned-looking Rarity petted his head with a hoof.

"I think we're all scared, Spike. I need you to be strong, okay? We're going to get past this," I said.

"Pfft. Comments?" said Rainbow Dash. "I think you mean famous last words. Let's just walk up there and kick your creepy brother's ass already! Oh, and Fluttershy, you'd better not start preening me when I'm standing next to you or I'm holding Twilight personally responsible."

"I promise to respect your boundaries, Rainbow," said Fluttershy.

"Okay then. On three, everypony break. One... Two... Three!"

All of us advanced except for Applejack, who remained at the doorway. She grabbed two long steel candlestick holders and thrust them between the door handles as a makeshift barricade, then tied the handles together tightly with her lasso. Applejack's on-the-spot ingenuity has always impressed me. (For someone with less "book-learning" than some ponies, AJ is surprisingly smart. Knowing her as a pony has corrected stereotypes I used to believe about earth ponies, just as knowing Rarity has corrected old prejudices I once had about fashion and beauty.)

As we approached the round stage upon which the thrones sat, the Prince and Princess stepped off of their thrones and quickly descended to the main floor. There they stood, waiting for us to come closer. We got most of the way through the hallway before I signalled for everypony to stop. The royals were perhaps ten meters away from us. Not exactly speaking distance, but this wasn't exactly going to be a polite conversation either.

"We're glad you came to say goodbye, Twilie," said Brother. He looked very tired, though both of them were very well-dressed, as though this were some sort of political negotiation. I guess in a way, it was. It was clear that this impasse was taking as much of an emotional toll on him as it was on us. Cadance was silent, but appeared very alert.

The one weird thing (well, new weird thing) was that Princess Cadance wore a golden collar, and through the ring at the front was linked a pastel-pink colored... I guess it was a leash? And her husband was holding the other end of the leash. It was disgusting and demeaning, of course, but I'm too curious for my own good. I really wanted to understand why anypony would do this, just in case "insanity" wasn't the only reason. So, for the briefest moment, I thought about Applejack holding me in place with a leash and collar... and I felt giddy pleasure tickle my nethers.

Post-hoc: Let me be more specific. It was intense pleasure, and it frightened me. Obviously, everything about being held on a leash (like a dog, or some kind of mindless beast) is entirely wrong. I still don't understand why it feels so good just to think about it. Maybe it's the idea of belonging to somepony? Like, if Applejack (this is weird) "owned" me in some sense, then I'd get to be with her forever or something. But that could go both ways and it doesn't feel the same both ways in my mind. It does feel kind of nice to think about me holding her on a leash, but it's still not as nice as...

Wow. I really have to stop thinking about this weird stuff. This is way too far outside the realm of intelligent and rational thought, even for love.

Well... maybe.

Pony, I am so freaking weird at this point, I might as well own up to it. I guess I might already be doomed.

I wisely decided to put the leash out of mind entirely. I tried my best to ignore Cadance's "collar accessory".

"Oh. Well, I'm glad we came, too," I said, after a rapid return trip to reality. "But it still doesn't change much between us. Where do we go from here?" I asked.

"What are your plans?" he asked me. "Do you still blindly oppose us at every turn, or are you willing to offer us a token of trust?"

I paused for a moment in thought. "Don't listen to him Twilight!" said Rainbow Dash, her wings high, her body crouched low. She was a coiled serpent, just itching to strike. I was very thankful to have her on my side.

"I don't mind giving you some benefit of the doubt, Brother," I said, "but everything you've said and done since we arrived has been very disturbing, so it will take time to convince me. Time is not a luxury I currently have. I must tell Princess Celestia what I've seen and heard. I'm sure she'll be willing to talk to you about things, and we'll reach a peaceful resolution..."

"Princess Celestia," Cadance spat, putting special emphasis on the title, "will overreact. Everypony involved will be in danger. We will be locked up, as will your friends, not for anything any of us have done, but merely for who and what we are. Celestia is the last pony in Equestria you should be talking to about this."

"Of course we'll talk to Celestia eventually," said Shining Armor, "but for the safety of your friends, and I mean all of them, we need this to be kept in confidence. If you're willing to stay a few more days, I'm sure we can convince you that nopony is going to be harmed."

"There's an army back here, alright," said Applejack. "I can hear them gatherin' in some kinda formation. There ain't much time for decision-makin', Twi, but my lot's still with Celestia."

"I'm with AJ," said Rainbow Dash. "I mean, duh."

"I'm with you Twilight, whatever you decide," Spike said, as he kept an eye on Applejack and the door.

"Oh, me too Twilight!" said Pinkie Pie. "I'll let you do the thinking stuff this time. Just for a change of pace."

I stood there for a moment in thought, burning precious seconds to make the decision certain.

What would have transpired differently, had I agreed to stay for a few more days? I can't say, but my gut told me I couldn't trust Shining Armor anymore. I now know that my gut was right.

"I'm sorry, Big Brother. We can't stay here," I said. "We're leaving to meet with Princess Celestia, and then we can all meet together as a group and talk about this. I'm sure everything will work out fine."

Shining Armor lowered his head and sighed. "Twilie, I'm begging you. Please. Just three more days, and I swear it will all make sense."

"No. I can't trust you anymore, Brother. I'm sorry," I said, my voice wavering slightly.

"Twilight, if you won't listen to him, then please, at least listen to me," said Princess Cadance. "I'm not just your sister-in-law. I was your foalsitter, and in a way, I was your first actual friend. I will not lie to you. If you take this course of action, all of your friends will be in grave danger, and so will you."

"Oh, please," said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes. "You think making veiled threats is going to get Twilight to change her mind?"

"I don't think they're threats, Rainbow," I said, reaching out with a hoof to her shoulder to calm her down. I turned my attention back to Cadance. "Sister-In-Law, I believe that you believe what you're saying. You have been like an older sister to me. But Princess Celestia has been like a second mother. Ever since I earned my mark, she's been there by my side, teaching me and guiding me. She's done the same for you, though perhaps not to the same extent. If there's anyone I trust right now, it's her, and I don't understand why you would think she could possibly let anything happen to my friends."

"Princess Celestia isn't my mother, but I look up to her like one," said Spike, turning around to face Cadance while maintaining his position behind me. "You're wrong about her. Twilight will tell her that this needs to be kept quiet, and then we can all meet together."

"I, too, love Celestia like a mother," said Princess Cadance. "However, since I took the throne here I have learned a number of disturbing things. She's ancient, Twilight. She's not in touch with most ponies and what they need. She doesn't even recognize her own problems. You know about the other Equestria. You know Celestia almost destroyed both of our universes because she maintained a love affair with Alternate King Sombra for more than a thousand years. Do you really want to trust her when it comes to matters of the heart?"

"She made a mistake," I said. "It was a mistake anypony could have made, even if it lasted for over a millenium. I..."

I looked back at Applejack and breathed a heavy sigh.

"Listen... I know about love now, in ways I never really thought possible," I said, softly lest I reveal the fragility of my mood. "I know that love, and even just sex, can make ponies do dumb things sometimes. I think that's what is happening to you both right now. But we can't move forward while you're both in the closet about the vamponies and the nightwings and the weird sex and everything else."

"Nightwings are pegasus vamponies," said Shining Armor, "no more, no less. Fluttershy was just the first nightwing to bear the magical infection. I know this is kind of irrelevant, but I wanted you to know. I want to tell you more things, but those things take time and you aren't willing to offer it to us."

Princess Cadance nodded in agreement. "There's more she isn't telling you, Twilight," she said. "Other secrets hidden from public view; many more secrets on her side than on ours. Secrets about the study of magic. Things I have learned since we moved here, learned through study from our unexpurgated library archives. Things I have proven by experimentation. Stay, and I can show you. You'll be stunned."

"Well, I'll talk to her about that. I agree the secrecy can't stand. But not on your side, either," I said.

"If our secrecy doesn't stand, then ponies will be hurt. Ponies may even die," said Shining Armor. "That's what we're trying to prevent. Please, please Twilie. Don't take a brash move now with the lives of your friends on the line."

I paused for a moment. I understood the consequences of what my brother had just said, but I didn't want to believe it. Even after all signs pointed here, I didn't want to believe, but... The battle lines had just been drawn.

"You would never put us in that kind of danger. So... you're not going to let us leave the city," I deduced.

Brother shook his head, sadly. "I didn't want to lie about keeping you here, but we can't let you endanger your life, the lives of your friends, and the lives of everypony in Equestria. We know with great certainty that Celestia will immediately break our secrecy. So, no. You can't leave here. Not as long as your goal is to blab everything to the Princess."

I stated the obvious. "You know I have to oppose you."

He reared upright. "I know, Little Sister. Neither of us has been looking forward to this moment." As he stood there, his pe—no, I want to do this right; his cock emerged from its sheath and thickened. He seemed to have perfect balance on two legs, and somehow he was horny even in this emotional situation.

Post-hoc: Is my brother a vampony too? I think I want it to be true, because it would help explain his behavior. If he were telling the truth about the nightwings, it would almost be a certainty that he had been infected. But what was causing the irrational submission of my friends, if not the vampony infection? The thing in the box? But that doesn't add up, either. I almost submitted completely to my parents, and that was before they'd even showed it to me...

The look on my face must have belied my willingness to engage in magical combat, because my brother smirked at me and said, "What's wrong, Twilie? Intimidated by a mere stallion? Never seen a dick before?"

I had never taken a close look at my brother's... okay, dick, before. It always bothered me that colts were so different down there, and now I was almost face-to-face with it. It was a good thing Shining Armor stood almost a dozen meters away from me, because it was truly distracting to look at. It bobbed in the air slightly, as though it had a life of its own. It was long, and dark grey, and nearly as thick as a leg. It looked muscular, even though I knew that's not how it works. The shape was strange, but it tripped a primal sense within me. Somehow, by evolution or magic or something stranger still, I knew what a pony's dick was supposed to look like. I found myself lost in thought. Since it's filled with blood, it would have to be very warm. What did it feel like to the touch? What did it smell like? What did it taste like? I mean, these thoughts are insane, nopony's ever going to "taste" somepony else's penis, right? But I couldn't get it out of my head. I couldn't get him out. And worst of all (it's hard to admit this even now), I was starting to feel a little bit aroused.

My brother was getting in my head with surprising ease. I needed a snappy comeback.

"Well, I'm looking at a dick right now!" I said. There was a moment of silence, then Cadance and Pinkie Pie both broke out laughing.

"Thank you, Twilie. I'm glad you like it," Brother said, grinning.

"Wait, what? Shit! I didn't mean it like that," I said angrily, blushing at the same time.

Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "Ugh. Twilight, please stop trying to make jokes," she said.

"It's okay, Twilie," said Shining Armor. "I know you were trying to call me a 'dick', and it backfired. But you don't realize that 'dick' isn't a bad word. Not to me. Neither are 'stallion', nor 'male', nor 'guard', nor 'brother'. All of those things are good things, Twilie. Males are every bit as important as females."

"I never said they weren't," I said. "It's not the fact that you have a... a penis, it's the fact that you are thinking with it, instead of with your brain. You know I love you, Brother. In fact, I used to think 'brother' was one of the best words in the dictionary, before you lost your freaking mind!"

My horn began to glow like fire, and—

Post-hoc: Oh wow. I am way too exhausted to finish the entry now. I forgot how long it was, and my rambling throughout isn't making progress any easier. I'll have to add Part 1 to the title, and continue this after a nap. My neck is still very sore and I still haven't slept since surviving my incestuous family (it seriously gets creepier the more I think about it, so I'm trying not to) and casting the temporal spell.

Day 43 (The Confrontation) (Restored) (Part 2 of 2)

This is the reconstruction of the remainder of Day 43 (The Confrontation) which was ripped out of my journal. I began reconstruction of this entry on Day 47.48 I completed reconstruction on Day 47 .48

Margin note: this is Part 2 of 2 of this entry's reconstruction.

Post-hoc: I'm finishing this entry now, but I swear I'm a total mess after that nap. I'm hungry again (finished off my supplies) and my muscles ache and judging by the flooring in here I think I may have had, um, some kind of "interesting" dream if you know what I mean (I know, I know, gross) even though there's no way I had time to dream (see below) so it's probably just my body rebelling against everything that's happened lately. Anyway, by the position of the Sun, I can tell that not much time has passed. It's kind of hard to believe with how enervated I feel again, but I think dark magic really drained my energy more than I'd expected. I'm also unusually horny at the moment, despite the evidence on the floor, so I'm not sure what to do about that.

Since it's still before noon, I should have more than enough time to finish the remaining rewrites. I need to get to Ponyville before Day 48.

When I left off, we were right at the climax of the story. I'd probably feel guilty about that if someone had to read this thing in installments! But I'm pretty sure you're not easy reading material, Journal, so I doubt you'll be much use except to Princess Celestia and maybe someday the historical section the Canterlot Archives. (I probably have a swollen ego again.)

My horn began to glow like fire, and for a moment I actually thought of aiming at Shining Armor's balls. I almost cracked a smile at that, however, so I tried to clear my mind.

"Bitches. Now," my brother ordered, smacking his own cutie mark with a hoof as he stood there in that odd reared-up manner. (For the record, given my experiences in alternate universes I knew I could stand up like that too, but it would just be weird.)

Post-hoc: Oh snap. I have a really weird theory all of a sudden. What if that's not my brother, but "her" brother? I mean, the other Twilight Sparkle clone in the world where ponies look like monkeys and stand up that way and wear way too many clothes? I mean, it doesn't fit that universe exactly (they're even even more prudish about sex there, and the portal is still closed), but some other universe with similar traits...?

Hmm. It's a very tempting thought, but it fits none of the data. There hasn't been any evidence of a double of any of the ponies involved in this mystery, or a disappearance for even a short period of time. So it just can't be alternates or changelings. But pony, I really wish it could. I would love for my dear, sweet brother to still be out there somewhere, just as normal as ever.

I can't think about this. It makes me too sad. However, I will remember the universe angle for later. Maybe that has something to do with all of this.

Having been summoned, the "bitches" (Rarity and Fluttershy, of course) calmly walked over to where my brother stood.

Rarity turned around and faced us, and knelt by my brother's right (my left) side, just in front of Cadance. "I'm sorry Twilight, but you knew this was coming," she said.

Fluttershy knelt on his other side. "I'm not sorry," she said, and grinned, looking straight at me, her eyes glowing red. I'm certain that fear showed on my face just then. "We're simply doing what's best for you and all of our friends, Twilight. You want to do things the hard way, and so that's what we have to do. Um, if that's okay with you, I mean," she said, with a blush. (I'm not entirely certain how to read Fluttershy's emotions anymore.)

Post-hoc: I just now remember something odd that I hadn't written about originally. After Rarity and Fluttershy walked up, Shining Armor looked kind of strangely past me, then a broad grin crossed his face. What was he looking at? I turned my head and looked back toward Applejack and Pinkie. AJ just shrugged. I still have no idea what that was about. Maybe he was just thinking of something.

"Oh, we're gonna do it the hard way all right!" said Rainbow Dash, chomping at the figurative bit. She was pretty angry. I've seen her be competitive but never this angry, and I was starting to worry it might affect her judgment.

Brother's horn glowed, and a force dome extended around all four of them. It glowed a second time, and there was a bashing sound at the door.

"They're comin' in, Twi!" said Applejack. Then, with enough force to make a very audible CRACK throughout the entire chamber, she thrust a forehoof down into the flooring, causing it to crunch and buckle. She copied the action with the other hoof, planted her forehooves firmly into the grooves she'd created, and firmly braced the door with her muscular rear legs. Another smashing sound hit, but the door held firm. In all honesty, it was probably holding more because of Applejack's strength than the iron bars and lasso.

"You can't escape, Twilight. We run the Kingdom," said Brother. "We planned for every contingency. In a moment, five garrisons will march through those doors, hopefully without hurting AJ in the process, and take you all prisoner. There is no exit. It's too dangerous to fly with the weather, and the train is blocked. It doesn't have to be like this, though. I would prefer we spend the next three days as friends rather than having to deal with your obstinance, especially since there is no need for anypony to suffer."

"That doesn't sound like a lot of OP-tions," said Pinkie Pie in a nervous, sing-songy voice.

"Twilight, do something. Power of friendship, or laser blasts, or whatever crazy unicorn junk you got up that horn-shaped sleeve of yours," said Rainbow Dash. "Or just tell me whose butt to kick."

Applejack grunted with each slam against the door. "Bucky and Kicks can't hold 'em forever, Twilight, I'm sorry. But I'll stay here until they mow me down. Y'all best do somethin' soon, if you're gonna do anythin' at all."

Okay so I was under a little bit of pressure. There weren't many options. Our strengths were Rainbow Dash's speed and flying ability, and my magic. Pinkie has a lot of strengths but they tend to be kind of random and I wasn't going to bet the farm on those just yet.

Journal, making life-or-death decisions is the hardest thing about being a Princess. Every day, some piece of me regrets ever having become one.

I sent a blast toward a stained-glass window, and Shining Armor countered with a shield. It ricocheted and blew a chunk of material out from the floor nearby (fortunately not in our direction). As I'd suspected, I would need to take him out first or I wouldn't get anywhere. While my brother is no match for me in a fair fight, he's still an outstanding mage, and all he had to do was slow me down for a few minutes. I didn't have enough time, so I did what I do best.

I improvised.

I took an educated guess that Brother's dome shield was not a full sphere, as that would have made it more unwieldy to forge and would have rooted it too firmly in the material plane. Mentally, I quickly calculated the exact angle it would take to rocket a spell directly below the imagined sphere, plus the angle required to bounce it off of a virtual support vector and end up inside the dome. Now, I didn't expect this would work on the first try, or even at all. It was one hell of a bank shot with only a few seconds to make the calculation.

The spell I chose was a portal, because it's virtual enough that I could get it to work, unlike a mana burst. My horn glowed and shimmered like crazy, and everypony in the room braced for impact. Brother strengthened his shield wall. I shot a burst of energy downward, which created a mana tunnel about the size of my hoof right next to me in the floor. Another mana tunnel appeared behind Shining Armor. Nopony saw it but me. I grinned. He looked worried. He recognized the mana tunnel but clearly didn't comprehend what was coming.

"Brother, you of all ponies should know better than to mess with Princess Twilight Motherfucking Sparkle," I said, showboating a bit. (In my defense, I was trying to get in his head like he got into mine. Plus, Rainbow Dash was there and she's fun to impress.)

Of course I didn't realize that, once again, I had said something ludicrous and stupid. Rarity and Cadance and Pinkie Pie (gee thanks Pinkie) all cracked up at once and started laughing. Dash facehoofed. Prince Shining Armor, on the other hand, smiled a gentle smile back at me.

"Twilie, I would be proud of you if you made love to Mother. She's an amazing ma—"

"Oh would you just fucking shut it!!!" I yelled, and launched a heavy blast directly into the hole.

The aftermath was immediate, and exactly what I'd hoped for. Brother collapsed from being struck in the back with the equivalent of a plasma bolt. I knew he was wearing armor, so he'd be fine, but it would sting in the morning. The others under the dome were momentarily blinded. The dome collapsed almost immediately.

"Master!" Princess Cadance cried out, dropping to lift him up. "HE'S YOUR BROTHER!!!" she screamed at me, teary-eyed.

"I'm not sure of that anymore. But he'll live," I said. I quickly mana-blasted out a stained-glass window on the southern side of the room. "Dash, Canterlot, now. Watch out for missiles," I ordered.

"On my..." she said, but I never heard the "way" because she'd already left.

"How dare you risk the life of our friend!" said Rarity.

"Call them off, love," Shining Armor said to Cadance, still lying face down and barely able to speak. "We have to stop Dash before she kills herself."

Princess Cadance nodded, her mascara running from tears, and suddenly the repeated smashing sound from the doorway stopped. Applejack fell to the floor, exhausted. I'm not sure how Cadance contacted the guards; it mystified me, but I was distracted at the moment. "They're going to try to take her down," said Cadance.

"She's doing what needs to be done, and any one of us would do the same," I said. "You have no hope of catching her."

"Twilight, she's not credible. I mean, I grew up with her," said Fluttershy, her face sad. "Nopony except the Princesses could possibly believe her and she won't get to them in time. She could be killed out there in the weather! You never should have done this..."

"Pinkie, Spike, on." Spike jumped on my back.

"Um, Twilight? Are you sure this is a good idea?" Pinkie Pie asked. "You do know I weigh about eleventeen times what you do, right?"

"Twilie, please don't risk your life too, it's not worth..." blah blah blah blah blah. I stopped listening to him entirely.

"I can use magic to support your weight. It will be tricky, but not impossible. Applejack! Come on!" I said. "AJ?"

I glanced behind me and saw AJ shakily rising to her hooves. "Twi, you know darn well you can't handle two earth ponies. I can't even believe you could handle one. Take Spike, and if you're sure, Pinkie. I'm stayin'."

"No!" I said, tearing up. "I can't leave you here!"

"She's right. I can stay too," said Pinkie Pie. "Just go and be safe."

"I am taking you all."

"No y'ain't, sugarcube. Look, we both know I'm already too far gone, and I'm feelin' it even now. I'm not just a burden, I'm a danger. Now GO."

"You're fine, Apple—"

"Twilight Sparkle! If you don't take Pinkie and Spike out of here this instant I swear to you I will come right over there and help your brother shove his thick incestuous stallion cock right up your Sundamn stubborn unicorn asshole. And then we can all take turns fuckin' each other and everypony can live creepily ever after so y'all best GIT before I decide to start stretchin' you out with my own four hooves!" she said.

But that's the thing about Applejack... she's a terrible liar. Still, I knew she was right that I had no chance of bringing them both, and Pinkie was in much better condition to travel. I slung Pinkie and Spike onto my back and started running for the window, blasting out more glass with a couple of small mana bolts so I could hop-and-glide just in case flying wasn't going to work after all.

"Twilie stop, please!" my brother said, but we both knew that wasn't going to stop us. I heard Cadance telling Applejack to calm down, and tried to put it out of mind as I spread my wings and jumped and all three of us fell like a lead ingot in quicksand.

Spike was screaming, of course, and Pinkie Pie was whooping with joy, of course. It took a second or two (which is a very long time when you're falling) to right myself and correct for Pinkie Pie's weight. My Moon that pony is heavy! I knew earth ponies were heavy, but this was something else entirely. It took all my magical focus to counterbalance her mass with gravity magic, and we were only ascending slowly that way. I was just as fatigued physically and didn't know how long I could continue flapping. Below us, guards were running and several were aiming some kind of a projectile weapon. They had large bags with them, I presume to break our falls after they knocked us out of the air.

The first projectile whizzed right by my left wing. I didn't have the mobility to steer free of them like Rainbow Dash would have (though in all likelihood she left the Empire before they even knew she'd taken to the air). The next two I had to block with magic, and each shield was simple and effective but we started to descend because I couldn't maintain all of the gravity magic at the same time. I was already at my limit.

"I'll jump," Pinkie Pie volunteered. "You can't make it with me. I'll aim for a roof, I'm pretty good at falling—"

"No. I have to bring you. I have to get from here, to there..." the wheels in my head turned painfully quickly (which was also eating up precious physical energy; brain power takes a ton of that, believe it or not).

"Eureka!" I shouted, just as we started to near the tops of houses with guards climbing up onto them.

Post-hoc: It's probably pretty clear by now that when I have to come up with a plan in not nearly enough time, I tend to come up with a crazy plan. Like, really super crazy, such as shoving my horn into somepony's mouth, or using dark magic while paralyzed, or teleporting in the middle of a dre—

Wait. I think I remember having a dream during my nap. I don't think I was asleep long enough to dream. It doesn't make sense, but I definitely had one. Horsecrap. I can't remember what it was about, but... I feel like it was very important. I need to address this after I return to Ponyville.

Anyway, crazy plan. Right.

I teleported all three of us much higher into the air, and we began to descend again. Faster this time, since I decided to use glide power (I was almost out of stamina reserves; remember, I hadn't eaten in over a day).

"Twilight, you can't shield us from the weather if you're using the gravity spell, can you?" Spike asked. "I don't want to say we need to come back for Pinkie, but-"

"Twilight, um, I think I need to be lower than this to jump. It would be fun, but then Pinkie splat would not be..." said Pinkie Pie.

I grinned. "We're not going through the weather."

Spike gulped. "Oh... shit."

"Spike, language," I said.

"Sorry, but c'mon you have been cussing up a storm lately. Gimme a break," he said.

"Wait," said Pinkie Pie. "What's shit, exactly? Is shit bad? Is this bad shit or good shit, because it sounds like bad shit... It's bad shit isn't it?" she said, speaking more to Spike than to me.

"I have no idea what Twilight has planned, which means it's probably something she's never tried before," said Spike. "And that usually means it's something nopony has ever tried before. Like, ever, in the entire history of Equestria."

"So hold on tight?" Pinkie Pie said, excitedly gripping my shoulders.

"Yep," I responded. "This might be a little uncomfortable. Try not to emesis."

"What's—"

"She means don't vomit, Pinkie."

"Oh! Whee...?" said an uncertain Pinkie Pie. I turned off all of the magic fields and we started dropping toward the buildings below.

I need to cover some theory now. Teleportation is a very difficult spell to pull off, but extremely useful, which makes it vital to practice. The manner in which it works is very complicated, as it involves triangulation in more than three-space in order to connect two points through a temporary magical field which emulates a wormhole around the subject (thus ensuring nothing else can go along for the ride), so a solid grasp of both higher mathematics and physics is required, as well as lightning-quick calculations if you're doing it on-the-fly. The main downside to teleportation is there is a severe distance limit past which point it becomes impractical in terms of the amount of magical energy required (the energy requirement goes up exponentially with distance).

The epiphany I had was realizing I could create a tunnel (this is a very rough analogy) between two very distant points by setting off a chain-reaction of teleports one after the other, each one occurring less than one-tenth of a second after the previous teleport. The teleport chain needed to be that fast or I wouldn't be able to do it in a cost-effective manner (the details, again, are complicated and don't fit the "tunnel" analogy at all). But clearly I couldn't set up a chain crossing dozens of kilometers because of the distance, right?

I'm actually pretty proud of this one! I think I'll call it the "Twiliport Loop". (Okay, maybe that name needs work.) My solution was to very carefully aim our forward momentum at the last moment toward the horizon, then prep five teleports. As each teleport went off, I had to re-trigger another one further ahead. The only reason this was possible was that the distance between jumps could be fixed perfectly. So, I'd basically be recasting the exact same spell over and over about a dozen times per second for maybe half a minute.

However, this wouldn't normally work because as we soar through the air, our momentum changes and I wouldn't be able to recalculate quickly enough (not even I can do differential calculus in a hundredth of a second, and that limitation has to do with neurons and the lightspeed barrier). The spell had to be identical! Like, in every possible respect except keyed to a relative metric. But that can only happen if the teleports are instantaneous, and I can't cast spells infinitely quickly.

Fortunately, a quirk of magic allowed it to work. The delay between castings wasn't because there was any gap in the teleports, but because the teleportation process itself takes time to register magically. It's a lot like how light "slows down" in a medium that conducts electromagnetism because of how electric charges can withdraw and return virtual energy from light... Hmm. Well, I can't explain that in any detail in less than two hundred pages so I'll assume you're already familiar with quantum electromagnetic theory, Journal. But it was kind of like that. We were slowed enough that I had time to cast spells, but the slowing wasn't because the teleports weren't instantaneous.

This meant we covered exactly zero distance between each of the teleports. In other words, we were never anywhere in the intervening space. Or, more accurately, we were everywhere in the intervening space all at once, and as such we weren't really at any one location. We were at all teleport locations at any given instant: less at one, more at another, nearly zero at some, but always at all of them, until we exited the last one. This was true even though I hadn't cast the teleports yet because (oops) I may have accidentally gone faster than the speed of light.

I should probably say something here in case a mage reads this someday. Don't do this. Seriously, don't try something like this unless you are completely certain about what you are doing. Going faster than c is not a good thing for reality. In this case, the magic time-drain caused a small second or two of buffer, which limited the effects substantially because the actual transit still fell within the limit. However, if I had done this over a significantly larger distance, or if I weren't well-schooled in Neighvikov's Consistency Principle from previous time-travel shenanigans (see below), it could have resulted in some paradoxical disasters. You know, the kind that unmake reality. The "bad" kind.

The effects that did happen were as follows. First, the participants went both forwards and backwards through time, and we aged for about thirty seconds when only a couple of seconds passed relative to Equestria. This applied to the three of us, one-half of a magic shield (see below), and a spherical volume of air; and also a corresponding amount of air travelling in the opposite direction. Please note that our aging was not an effect of our velocity, but an effect of the magic buffer interacting with velocity. Normally, time would move more slowly for us relative to Equestria if we were moving very quickly. And time actually did move more slowly for us. But we still ended up with much more of it, because we (technically speaking) resonated back and forth through multiple iterations of the tunnel: twice for each portal.

Second, causality was broken just a teensie-tiny bit. I knew the moment we started that we had already made it, but I still had to keep up the effort because I had no choice at that point (I was familiar with the paradoxes, as mentioned above).

When we hit the exit point, something interesting happened. First of all, we let off a sonic boom. Our eardrums would have exploded, except that halfway through the teleport process I somehow had the presence of mind to cast a shield around us. So we had approximately half a shield in transit, even though that isn't normally possible. I'm not sure what I was thinking at the time. I guess the shield was in case we were about to plow into something awful, but I knew it probably would not allow us to survive a collision with anything harder than a cloud. Still, it was a good idea and one that probably saved all of us from a horrible death. I could see the exit point the moment we began, so I already knew we would be going unexpectedly fast when we finally ejected from the "tunnel" and I guessed (correctly) it might even be faster than Rainbow Dash can fly. So while casting a dozen spells per second, and after forming a probably-useless shield while in a crazy non-existent location, I had about ten seconds to figure out how to slow down our cannonball-selves once we exited but before we died from massive impact damage.

I could have planned to divert our forward momentum upwards, or turn it into angular momentum or some other kind of energy, but I knew in either case the forces would cause me to lose consciousness and then we would all be screwed. I also didn't trust re-teleporting to normalize momentum because I didn't have the time to make the calculations safe. Now, I would have tried that if I had run out of ingeniously stupid ideas, but I came up with one last one.

Post-hoc: I'm not nearly as amazingly-smart as I seem, even though I'm bragging a little about how awesome this all was. If you were a mage thrust into a deadly situation, Journal, you'd come up with some strange plans, too. I'm just well-learned and well-practiced. Ponies actually don't "get me" when I study things I already know, like math and physics and thaumaturgy. Now do you see why I study so much? Magical study to me is like, well; athletic training for Daring Do. We're pegasi of a feather, in a way! (Okay, now I'm going overboard.)

As soon as we were travelling faster than anypony ever should have, I did a quick calculation and opened two portals, and that was that. Now, the details of this one I actually can't explain unless you've had years of thaumaturgy and physics. There is no good analogy that begins to explain it. I can explain what it must have looked like to an outside observer, though. It looked kind of like I opened a portal in front of us, followed by a second portal at the same time just in back of the first one (the moment we crossed over it) but with opposite momentum (both three-momentum and angular momentum if you want to be picky about it). So our purple shield-sphere wobbled in midair sandwiched between two portals looking as though we had split into two sets of ponies going in opposite directions (which, to be fair, we actually had) and we passed through ourselves over and over until the magical field's resistance to itself began to slow us down, and finally at some point the shields and ponies merged together and the portals and shield disappeared and we started to fall straight down, in the more natural sense (as in, the "normal" physics that should happen when you're not doing insanely stupid things with magic).

I blacked out while there were still two of me passing through ourselves (both of us were knocked out symmetrically, of course). Pinkie and Spike both claim the fall was about seven stories, which sounds impossible but Pinkie Pie survived it with minor injuries. Spike managed to ride me down like a glider, but we were both banged up in the process. We were in the hills to the northeast of Sweet Apple Acres, only a few hours journey by hoof, but in no condition to travel. Pinkie Pie and Spike found water and some berries and managed to nurse me back to consciousness, but I sat shivering (it wasn't cold out, so I think I'd made myself ill from the magical trauma of evocation overexertion) for a few hours before I was able to talk, and then walk, and then finally I could write, and that's when I finished this entry. Er, initially finished it, I mean.

Some other stuff may have happened, but... I don't think it bears mention anymore.

Post-hoc: In retrospect, I never should have done any of this, and I would not do it again. I should have submitted to my brother. Not because I wanted to, but for the safety of my friends. They were right. My actions were dangerous and selfish. I'm still glad that everything worked out, of course, but I can't do anything like this ever again. From here on out, my neck will be the only one I will risk. I'm sure that's probably too much as far as all of my friends are concerned, but I'm far too motivated to put things right. Once I talk to Celestia I'm sure we can all get together and work this stuff out.

Besides, I have some tough questions for her. I don't like what I've heard, and I'm not sure it's all lies anymore. I'm starting to feel like there's a lot more to this mystery than a cult or something called the Spring Order and some vamponies. I mean, I think there may be more than one side in play with questionable motivations.

Then again, maybe I'm just hoping that's true. If it were, I might be forced to choose between two imperfect sides. I could consider joining my brother again, and maybe everything would finally make sense again in his arms, no matter what that might mean for me. It disgusts me, yes; but I dearly miss the strength and security of Shining Armor's simple hugs. Somehow I have to win them back.

Day 43 (Encampment) (Restored)

This is the reconstruction of Day 43 (Encampment) which was ripped out of my journal. I began reconstruction of this entry on Day 47.48 I completed reconstruction on Day 47 .48

Post-hoc: I realize what a mess this has been since I can't reorganize the order that these pages appear in. More than half of the pages in this journal remain unused, so I think it might be wise for me to leave extra space after each entry so I can add comments or corrections or whatever. So I'm going to start doing that now.

We set up camp for the evening. I wasn't able to help much at all because I was still recovering, so we didn't move anywhere for the rest of the day except to the shelter area. Pinkie and Spike did a great job of locating shelter in a small grove of trees, and even built a lean-to. It wasn't critical because no weather had been planned for today, but I think keeping us hidden from pegasi above is probably for the best given the circumstances.

Oh, the injuries, I almost forgot. Pinkie had a slight limp and some minor abrasions to her rear legs and barrel, but her limping leg was already somewhat better by nightfall and hardly noticeable by morning. I think she was trying to make it not show, though, to make us worry less. I had some cracked front teeth (ow) and the left side of my face was really scratched up badly, but my friends had taken care of my face with a poultice while I was unconscious. I've repaired the teeth partially with magic (really just deadened the nerve endings) but they still look painful. I doubt anypony will say anything about them to my face since most ponies are kind of self-conscious about appearances, and anypony who knows me knows I wouldn't be in pain from a small injury like this. (I should really learn more medical spells, however.) Spike was bruised and banged up all over, but nothing serious. He was holding together like a little trooper.

Once again, I noticed that Spike is much more mature than I'd taken him for. I can't imagine a eleven year-old of any race would be as mature as Spike is now, let alone a eleven year-old dragon! He's come a long way from the nine year-old I brought with me to Ponyville. Unfortunately, it's probably because he's had to grow up in such a short space of time with all the life-or-death crap he suffers by being my friend.

My friends get a raw deal. I guess someponies have to be The Saviors but I sometimes feel like it's my fault that we can't have normal lives, and they never really signed up for this. Not that I did either, but it shouldn't be anypony's burden other than mine. (Okay, okay, I can already hear my friends telling me to stop wearing the lead tiara.)

Post-hoc: Look, there's something I put in the journal here last time I wrote this entry, but it's kind of silly and I don't think it's appropriate anymore...

Ugh. The perfectionist in me requires I keep the record correct. At least this part of it. So I guess I'll repeat it so I can at least have a clean conscience. This thing I'm about to mention isn't something I abuse a lot or plan to abuse a lot, I'm just leaving some room for privacy. That's okay, right? This is a private journal but Princess Celestia will read it, and I'm not trying to hide anything from her but,

Nevermind, just... here.

Okay, I need to say something now, just to be perfectly accurate about this journal. To avoid over-writing things and partly as a rarely-needed privacy filter, I must now make this statement.

Anything written after this point in the journal may have details or even some entire-things-that-happened removed.

You can assume these things are of no consequence to the message that this journal now serves to convey about the pod-pony mess we've gotten ourselves into.

So that's that: my blanking of this... thing, has been documented.

Post-hoc: Since I wrote the above thing (more or less) several entries previous to where it now appears, note that I'm referencing this point in the journal chronologically. As in, this applies to some entries that precede this one in journal order after the rewrite. But no, that doesn't really matter much since I think I've only used it here so far, so don't worry about it.

All three of us went to sleep hungry. (We had ample water, but Pinkie and Spike wasted all the food on me, and apparently they had both regurgitated everything after landing on terra firma.) We were still in good enough shape that after a decent night's sleep we'd easily be able to make it to Sweet Apple Acres in a few hours and steal some apples (given the situation, AJ certainly would support us).

After... Wait, let me restart that. Spike went to sleep just like you'd imagine. Pinkie Pie and I spent some time talking about sexual matters. Specifically, she wanted to know if I could use, like, some... experiences to help me out, since my naivete seems to have worked against me. So there may have been some of that.

It wasn't anything big though. She wanted to kiss me, but I was against the idea. We did, um... we masturbated together, and she showed me how to do it better, and she helped me not be as embarrassed about it. I didn't reach an orgasm though, partly because I was so exhausted at the time from the injuries and all. It was difficult for me to do that, but it was a good thing we did it so I'm not ashamed of it or anything. Pinkie also taught me that it's okay to do that sort of thing and enjoy it even if you don't have an orgasm, and that's really nice to know.

Also she gave me a nice massage and it kind of got a little sexual when she was rubbing my, um, my butt. I mean, it made me a little horny but we stopped and I was able to cool down afterwards. We may have cuddled a little. Okay, a lot. That's not weird or wrong though. We went to sleep curled up together, with Spike too (again, not wrong, it was only for warmth okay) and it felt nice to be comfortable and close with my friends. That's all.

In the morning we got up, and I'm writing this entry now (i.e. wrote it originally). Even though I didn't want to feel this way and even though I didn't orgasm from the sex or even kiss her, I got that wonderful feeling from being close to Pinkie Pie, mostly the cuddling part. I just don't understand how love works yet. When you settle on somepony to, like, be with them forever, does that turn off all the other loving feelings you have toward other ponies? Not the sexual ones, but the emotional want-to-be-with-forever feelings, I mean. It must. It would just have to, for anything in society to make any sense. I'm curious how it works, though (from an endocrinological and psychological perspective of course).

Post-hoc: Most of my feelings and questions from this point still apply. I don't really understand love at all, but I'm starting to get the hang of sex. Er, the idea behind sex and how it is executed and stuff, I mean. I know I'm starting to feel deep things for a lot of ponies, though, and that worries me.

I was also really, really horny while writing this and so I, um, I had to "y'know", and I had my third orgasm (though I don't think most ponies count every orgasm they have in their lives, but this is still new to me). I've cleaned up the best I can though there's nowhere to shower or anything here in this warehouse.

I'm going to finish the last entry rewrite and then head out, as it's nearing twilight (the time, not me or Mom).

Shit. I'm going to regret this, but I've given up all hope of pretending to work within the law at this point. Honesty has to come first, if Applejack's Element really means anything to me.

After a discussion with Spike, I've agreed to add the details of what really happened that night to this entry. I can't do it here, however, because there isn't enough space. The information is after all the Day 49 stuff.

Yes, I know it's illegal beyond all bounds, but I also know Princess Celestia has few influential friends that she can trust right now (this is not extortion it is just a fact), and I know she's probably kind and wise enough (okay, that might be flattery) to see that things happened the way they did for the best and we can't be blamed for some of the details. If she can't see that, then maybe I really did choose the wrong side of this conflict (also a fact, though a very sad one).

I hope this finds you well, Princess.

Please forgive me, because I cannot.

Day 4#8 (Return to Ponyville)

Once it was dark enough, I decided to make my move. Unfortunately, Canterlot security was crazy this evening. I guess they've already put out the All Points Bulletin for Dash and me. I was tempted to go looking for the "Princess Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash have lost their minds; do not engage; contact a guard" posters which I assume are around. Granted, I actually have no idea if there really are any "Twilight is crazy" posters, but it's what I'd do, were I in my brother's position; assuming I'd also lost my mind and everything, of course.

Getting out wasn't easy. Shining Armor apparently didn't think putting up a citywide force field was a good idea. I suppose it would raise too many questions if he didn't have full control over the guard already, plus I know Princess Celestia's not around. Maybe this implies they don't have Princess Luna yet? Or, perhaps Luna is with them (as I suspect), but isn't ready to launch into a full-scale war with Princess Celestia. There just isn't enough information to do anything other than engage in wild speculation (which is never productive).

To get out of town I decided to turn myself into a gryphon and fly out directly. A pegasus guard watched me exit the southern perimeter of the city from about thirty meters away, but didn't approach further (whew). I timed it so the light wouldn't reveal my colors but would show my shape well, so that plan seems to have worked.

Aside: I had actually been working on this spell as a gift for Rainbow Dash. I don't want to think about it, as it makes me sad. Someday we'll be able to do it together, though. I'll let her play with transformation spells to her heart's content. I mean, why not? I don't even remember why I opposed the idea, to be honest. Maybe it had something to do with me being a prude about everything.

Of course, what I hadn't planned on was not knowing how to work a gryphon's body. Letting my legs relax and flapping worked pretty well, though it may have been obvious I was clumsy. For a while I was worried they'd take me in for drunk flying, but it didn't happen. (Gryphons are probably low on their watch list right now.) Fortunately for me I was able to change back after only a few minutes, once I'd reached a fairly safe distance from the perimeter. Back in my natural alicorn form I put the speed on (well, not like Rainbow Dash but the best I can manage) and flew the entire way to Ponyville nonstop. It was pretty late in the evening when I got there, and my wings were exhausted. I'm surprised I was able to do it. I think the fact I had the trots (eww, I know, sorry) was motivation to get to a proper bathroom as quickly as possible.

I landed on the balcony under cover of night. The balcony door was locked (I can't blame Spike) but easy to bypass. Spike was fast asleep. That didn't last, though. He ran into the upstairs bathroom screaming and attacked me with a frying pan until he realized it was actually me. I was of course mortified, as was he (seeing me there, you know) but I'm really proud of how brave he was! Spike waited until I finished up, and then we hugged.

"Thank Celestia you're back, Twilight. We were starting to get worried about you. I've got a lot to tell you..." he said.

"I'm sure you do!" I said. "I could really use a good night's sleep first, though We can discuss things in the morning, okay?"

Spike nodded. "Sure thing Twilight. We're safe here. Nopony has been coming by except Pinkie Pie, and she's been pretty discreet about it. Like, in general, not even just 'Pinkie Pie discreet' but actually stealthy," he said, and laughed. Oh how I've missed his smiling face. I love you Spike, I really do. You're the one rock that holds me firmly to the ground.

I quickly wrote this entry, and now I plan to sleep in. More in the morning.

Okay, this is a little bit of a mess. There's not a lot of room here to explain (I just didn't leave myself very much on this entry, oops), but future entries will make things clear enough. Apparently I had been missing an entire day: I was out of commission basically and didn't know it. Actually, that kind of happened twice but I know which one is which now.

So I've finally fixed the entry headers to match the correct days, now that I know where the time actually went.

Again, there will be much more on this later, but for now you can assume that the header dates are correct.

Day 4#9 (Catching Up)

When I woke up, Spike was curled up in bed next to me. The "old" Twilight Sparkle probably would have freaked out and pushed him away. But today, I just thought it was cute. Besides, I like Spike. I don't see any reason to be angry with him for wanting to be near me. Now, he did have an erection while he was sleeping, but that's a totally natural thing for colts. I guess I really was some kind of horrible prude before all this happened.

This raises some uncomfortable questions for me. Going through all these terrible experiences has taught me valuable lessons. I don't know how I would have learned these things otherwise. If it weren't for my exposure the Spring Order, would I have spent the rest of my life messed up and angry all the time? Are my parents really to blame for that, in the way they think they are?

But there's an even scarier question: If I was screwed up about sex before, how do I know I'm not still screwed up now? I feel like I'm obviously in the right, but I would have said that two months ago, and I was so naive and wrong about sex back then. I'm embarrassed by my actions. I'm ashamed of the way I've treated some of my friends. I don't know how to atone for any of it. A mental death by giving into whatever the brain-scrambling artifact thing does almost seems appealing.

Can't the truth be somewhere between the two extremes? I know it's fallacious to suggest the truth always lies between two endpoints, and I can't imagine this strange controlling fetishy stuff is a good thing for anypony in the long run. But if Celestia is blocking the path to inquiry, then she's not in the right either (though I don't believe the law is nearly as bad as my brother complains it is). Can't there be something in the middle that respects personal choice, but isn't so intolerant of expression? Some way to satisfy stallions without resorting to weird, unnatural sex?

I still have so many questions unanswered. I wish I could squeeze the truth out of somepony involved in the Order. The biggest thing I don't understand is how ponies can have their opinions turned upside down—in a mere matter of days! My parents were pretty straitlaced and "normal" and Brother somehow turned them in the span of a few days. I don't get it. There has to be something supernatural involved here, right? If there isn't some kind of direct mind-control component, it would mean the power of sex itself is far stronger than I ever could have imagined. That's a scary thought.

Maybe scary enough for Princess Celestia to clamp down on our society entirely...?

I'm also uncertain what the end-goal of the Spring Order is. If it's changing society from one form to another, that's straightforward enough, but it seems very unrealistic. I'm not certain whether they're trying to induct all of Equestria, or just take over the power players, but there must be more. Apart from the sex and submission creepiness, the vamponies aren't acting irrationally. They're coordinated, intelligent, and resourceful. This is not an adversary I can afford to underestimate.

Everything I've discovered so far suggests they're intentionally harming ponies behind closed doors. However, I have yet to see direct evidence of harm with my own two eyes; and my friends, who are normally very sensible, are going along with it. Until I can understand the mindset of my friends, I don't think I'll be able to grasp "why" behind this. I'm even afraid there might not be a why. Maybe it can't be understood from the outside. Sex seems to be like that, you know.

There is one piece of it I do understand, however. It thoroughly disgusts me to say this, but if I could just somehow make myself forget how horrible and wrong it is to have your father holding you tightly in bed like that, I'm sure I'd be completely fine with it. I was almost there, mentally. I was giving in and it felt wonderful. The unconditional love of family is too important, psychologically speaking. Despite my complete lack of experience in the area, I'm pretty sure most ponies spend their lives looking for that kind of love in a special somepony. Confusing those two types of love is clearly wrong, and while I can't empathize with the feeling (I'm still not attracted to my parents, sorry Team Creepy), I can at least understand it in the clinical sense. And if I had given in to my parents, I'm pretty sure I'd be (ugh) hot for them right now. The depth of desire produced by the infection is abundantly clear. And it would be a lot easier to resist this thing if I could see evidence that anypony who had fallen to the Order wasn't perfectly happy. So far it's been, to quote Shining Armor, "smiles all around".

My primary resistance at this point is knowing that the Order places far too much emphasis on sex. You can't base a society on sex without trampling on individual needs. Relationships are complicated for a reason, and the same thing that works for me won't work for everypony else. And okay, maybe I would actually enjoy being marehandled just a little by Flash Sentry, even without the vampony thing. Maybe not all the time, but at least on occasion. I don't mean abused, I just mean, you know, to be held in his strong legs, to feel protected and cared for... To let him take some of the stress away, by making dec—

Excuse me.

But that doesn't mean everypony would appreciate it, nor should they. It's very easy to be convinced that something is good while you're riding the high of an orgasm, but when cold reality finally hits it's a different beast altogether, and individual differences can't be ignored. The same standards can't work for everypony, or even for a single pony at all times. Add to that the fact that some of this seems to be forced (like the brain thing) and I can't sign on.

I just have to remember all of this when I'm horny. That's... not as easy to do as it sounds. I guess that's why I'm going to the trouble of writing it all down. It's a weak form of inoculation against the madness.

Granted, I can't fairly claim that the way society works right now is entirely different, but at least the emphasis is on polite relationships rather than sex as a form of social lubricant. There's no weird magical forcing or brain-scrambling going on, either (at least not that I'm aware of). I'm sure the counterargument would be "forcing us to be sexually reserved with laws is just as bad", but I still don't believe things are that bad. I may not know much about relationships, but I know the law. If the law is being used to punish ponies for minor offenses, that's being covered up too. When in doubt I will choose Princess Celestia's judgment over the batty (heh, that's kind of funny) schemes of vampony sex fiends.

Everything was so much easier when this stuff was hidden from me. There's no turning back from knowledge, though. I can't make myself unlearn things, and even if I could, it wouldn't be ethical to do so at this point. I'm stuck in knowing.

Okay, that's enough blather. Back to the narrative, Sparkle.

So I woke up next to Spike, and it was cute. But something was very wrong. I was hornier than I've ever been in my life, and my vagina was soaking the bed. I shook Spike awake. I was taking deep, labored breaths.

"Tw-Twilight? Oh! I, um, I'm sorry I crawled in... You're not mad are you?" he asked, blushing. "Wait. Twilight, are you... feeling okay?"

It took me a moment to figure out what was going on, but seeing a delicious apple resting nearby tickled my insides with desire, and this was sufficient confirmation.

"I... I need to bite, suck..." I said, panting deeply. "Oh buck. The bite... Dad bit me, my neck! Why didn't I realize it? Spike, I have to cast the spell: get me the book!"

Spike jumped off the bed and raced to get the book. He brought it back in a matter of seconds and tossed it to me (I think he wanted to keep his distance, and I can't blame him). Granted, I already knew the spell, but it was tricky and I didn't want to risk anything at this point. I lay there shaking on the bed, trying to focus. I made one miscast, then succeeded on my second attempt. Relief washed over me. Yet, something wasn't quite right...

"Did it work?" Spike asked, cowering on the stairs.

"I think so. Wait... why am I still horny? It's not as bad, but it's still there," I said.

I cast the spell again. I felt the same wave of relief, but after it passed I was still horny and unable to completely relax. It took a moment for me to figure out what this meant.

"Horse apples! It's not a real cure. It's a temporal retraction spell for magical infections," I said.

"Oh. Um, what does that mean?" Spike asked, finally walking up to the bed.

"It means it works within a fixed time window," I said. "It rolls the infection back by maybe a day at most, and I can't go back any further. I'll need to rework the spell to be able to cure the infection, but until I can, I'm trapped in the early stages of the vampony infection. I waited too long to cast it this time, so it can't cure me completely. The best thing I can do is cast it a couple of times per day to keep the infection from advancing any further."

"So you were bit maybe two days ago, but you were so busy you just didn't notice it?" he asked.

"No, it was only a day ago. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. The spell worked before under a similar time constraint, unless..." I said. "Spike, what day is it?"

Well, this is great. I've been missing a whole day! Today is Day 49, not 48! The only explanation that makes sense is that the "nap" I took put me under for a whole twenty-four hour period, right there on the warehouse floor. That would explain the hunger and thirst and aching muscles, but what could have knocked me out for that long? I really, really need to figure out what happened. I'm certain I had some vivid dreams, but I can't remember any details: my brain starts to fog up every time I focus on it. I'll work on that mystery soon enough. For now, I'll put some corrections into the previous entries.

"Okay Spike," I said, "let's get down to brass tacks. What's new here in Ponyville, and what have you and Pinkie Pie discovered?"

"Let's see. Someone, more than likely Princess Celestia, sent several blank scrolls here by me-mail," said Spike. "I'm sure it's because I mentioned in the message I sent to her that we were all out of scrolls. She didn't respond with anything else but, um..."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I know about the coded message. I kind of peeked in your journal while you were sleeping so I could get up to date more quickly," said Spike, looking rather guilty. "I didn't mean to break your trust but I know we don't have a lot of time so I figured you'd be okay with it. I... I ended up reading the whole thing. I'm sorry Twilight." Spike winced and bowed his head.

"Oh geez," I said, feeling simultaneously betrayed and embarrassed. But what Spike said was right, we didn't have much time; and it was a good idea. "Spike, there's a lot of really personal and embarrassing stuff in my journal. I guess it's okay, though, because you're right about the situation. I'm actually more upset about having to expose you to all of that crap than about you knowing what's going on. I've been trying to keep you from finding out about everything but there's no way around it now. No eleven year-old pony, or dragon, should have to be an adult, but that's what you are now and I need to start treating you that way."

Spike looked directly at me, eyes wide, contemplating the gravity of what I'd just said. "Thank you Twilight. I'll do my best to not let you down," he said. "Oh, and, um, when we're through this mess, you wouldn't mind telling Rarity I'm an adult, right?" he added, with a grin.

I chuckled. "No problem," I said. I don't mind making a silly promise if it means someday things will be back to normal.

"And don't worry about what I've had to go through. It's nowhere near as bad as what you've been dealing with," said Spike. "Oh... I did have a couple of questions about the journal, but they can wait until later."

"No, go ahead. Anything now could be important," I said.

"I noticed in the rewrite, you forgot to put a couple of things in that I assume were there before. The Six Keys, for one."

"Oh crap. I totally forgot to include that information at the beginning of the Sweet Apple Acres entry. Thank you Spike. I'll need to add that to a later entry, or more likely to one of the addenda. What was the other thing?" I asked.

"Um," Spike said, and blushed. "I think you know. The night we all spent together, in the hills? You left out all of the important details about what happened."

I paused for a moment to think.

"Twilight...?" asked Spike, which snapped me out of my daze.

"Spike, what we did was... I don't know if I can write about it," I said.

"What?" said Spike, a look of confusion on his face. "You're kidding, right? You wrote about your parents and um, what they did to you, and you and Applejack..."

"Yes, I know," I said, "but with my parents, they were under some evil force or something so they're not responsible for molesting me. And what Applejack and I did was close enough to consensual it wouldn't be a problem unless I tried to file charges against her, which I wouldn't, and she was also dealing with the vampony infection, so even if somepony tried to press charges they would never fly. But what happened in the hills was a different story altogether."

"I don't understand. It wasn't anything wrong..." said Spike.

"It was illegal, and not the kind of legally-questionable-but-rarely-prosecuted-illegal stuff that my brother was whining about. What I let happen was felony-conviction-and-permanent-registry-illegal. Like, inexcusably, unforgivably illegal. If I write about that in the journal, it could ruin me, and Pinkie Pie, and it would hurt you too since you'd no longer be my assistant. I'd probably never be allowed to see you again."

"Twilight, that's ridiculous," said Spike, in a huff. "This is, like, a really special case! You're under the influence of the vampony stuff, and you were wounded and exhausted that night, and you're trying to defend two kingdoms..."

I shook my head. "There aren't exceptions like that, and for good reason. Those mitigating factors could prevent jail time, but it wouldn't limit parole, and it wouldn't stop me from losing my title as Princess. I made a mistake, and Pinkie Pie did too. Hers was far less excusable than mine, even though I forgive her completely, but we're both guilty."

"You're one of very few people on the right side of this, Twi," insisted Spike. "Celestia will pardon you, guaranteed. She'll pardon Pinkie too, I know it! There's no way she would blame either of you for any of this nonsense."

"Maybe you're right, Spike, and maybe not. I've known Princess Celestia for most of my life, but I still don't understand her as a pony," I said. "She's very guarded, and you know that better than anypony. Well, except for me and the other princesses, of course. I'm afraid we've made a mistake that could ruin us all, Spike. I should have been stronger, but I failed you both."

"Not everything that happens is your fault, Twilight," said Spike, placing his claws gently on my shoulder.

"It feels like it is. I'm often in a unique position to save Equestria, so everything rests on me... It's so tiring, and awful, and I hate it so much," I said. It felt good to get this out. "There's nothing heavier than that tiara. I'd give anything to not have to make these kinds of decisions. The stress is indescribable. I don't know how Princess Celestia does it."

Spike looked down at the floor. "The Twilight Sparkle I know cares about friendship and truth above all else. That's why you're a princess."

I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hooves. "If Team Creepy is telling the truth, Princess Celestia has been hiding bits and pieces of the truth for the common good. If she's doing it, then it probably is the best thing for society. But that puts us at odds, because I can't stomach it," I said, as I let out a large sigh and held back tears. "You're right, though. My first priority should be to uphold the truth, even if it might not be right... Maybe I'll need to make another entry later to describe what happened. I just, I just I don't know if I can do it. Like, emotionally."

Spike walked up to me and we hugged. I cried in his arms for a few minutes, then took a rest to regain my composure. I decided this would be a good time to eat something.

I guess the fact that I've written this down means I've already decided I'm going to add it to the journal. I just don't want to think about it right now.

During brunch, I was actually tempted to suck the juice out of some apples rather than eat them normally. I don't think it was the vampony thing, though. It was probably just my mind obsessing over the idea.

After eating, we continued our conversation. "Alright Spike, I think I'm going to be okay now. I'm just not going to think about the journal thing until later. So, what have you been up to while I've been away?"

"Not much. I decided to lay low so nopony knows I'm in town. Pinkie Pie of course has her cover story about being ill, you remember the one. She stops by here every evening at twilight..."

"Obviously," I said, rolling my eyes. "No problem is so serious that that pony can't turn it into a pun."

"Yeah. Well, she stops by once a day and delivers gossip, and food supplies for Owlowiscious and I," he said. "Also anything I ask for the previous day, but we have pretty much everything here except scrolls. We do have three blanks Princess Celestia sent, probably because I mentioned we were out in the scroll I sent her, following your instructions."

"I thought we had plenty of scrolls here?" I said, puzzled.

"The day you left, somepony ransacked the place. They took all the scrolls, and it looked like they were looking for a book or something too. I don't have any idea if they found it. I checked the card catalog and everything matches, and all of your personal books are accounted for," said Spike.

"Wait, you cleaned the entire place up?" I asked, rather amazed.

"Well, I had two days and nothing else to do, so yeah," he said. "It really was a mess, though. Honest!"

I smiled and petted my Number One Assistant on the head. "I'm sure it was! I can always count on you, Spike." That elicited an obvious blush.

"Heh. Well, let's see what else. Pinkie says she found five of the Keys of Friendship: everypony's key but yours. According to Pinkie, Fluttershy's key was the hardest to figure out, but they've all transformed into actual keys and they're stuck in the box. Since we have no idea what your key might be, and you seem to think it doesn't exist yet, we haven't tried anything from the library."

"Wow, that's great news. Go Pinkie Pie!" I said. Finally, things seemed to be going our way.

"Yep! And she talked to Zecora, too. Zecora knows about everything that's going on. Pinkie hasn't confided in anypony else, however," he said.

"Good. I agree with her judgment," I said.

"Pinkie spends her days with the Cakes, as normal, and apart from her trip here—"

"Do ponies see her come here?" I interrupted.

"Nah, she wears that ninja outfit. You'd think she'd be really unstealthy, but she's pretty good at it actually," said Spike. "I doubt anypony thinks she's been inside the library since before we all left here. Oh, and she's keeping an eye on Sweet Apple Acres."

"Anything happening there?" I asked.

"Not so far. Big Macintosh is doing chores like always," he said. "Oh, Cheerilee is back teaching, but she has a distinct goose-step in her walk she can't quite hide, and... well, Pinkie Pie told me, but I read you know about the, um, teats. I can't imagine what ponies are thinking, or why parents aren't raising concerns about it."

"They probably just think she's near foaling," I mused.

"I dunno. Pinkie Pie says they're pretty outrageously large, but maybe that story is working for now. She's gotta be telling them something, right? Maybe everypony is too afraid to ask, though. I mean, I would be! Oh, and Pinkie Pie said 'but she's not foaling anypony', just so you're prepared for the joke when she does it again."

I admit it. I laughed out loud at that one. It was funny and horrible at the same time: classic Pinkie Pie.

"Heh. Okay, that's quite a bit for three days..." I said.

"Well, that's not all. Hold onto your haunches for this one. Rarity arrived here in the morning, two days ago."

"Wait, two days ago?! Oh, shi... um, I mean, shoot. Sorry, I've had a real potty-mouth lately Spike. I kinda let my standards go in all this mess," I said. "Er, but I was going to say, right, I was unconscious for a whole day, so she would have been here for two days now. Damn. I mean darn. Whatever."

"We don't know what she's up to. She just spends a lot of time in the Carousel Boutique. But around noon on the day she arrived, she called an emergency meeting at Town Hall, and everypony showed up, except me of course."

"Even Pinkie Pie?" I asked.

"Yep, Pinkie was there too. Rarity basically told everypony that you and Dash were under an evil curse, and you weren't aware of it so ponies should approach you with caution, and Princess Celestia was looking for a cure. So the Ponyvillians have made, um, preparations for you. Not like an ambush or anything, just defenses in case you go crazy and attack. I don't think they will do anything without you having the opportunity to give your side of things, except maybe contact Princess Celestia."

"That would be fine by me!" I said. "Wait, what did Pinkie do at the meeting? Does Rarity know she's here?"

"Oh, she knows alright. Pinkie says she argued with Rarity right there at the meeting, and claimed she didn't see any evidence of what Rarity was talking about when she was with us at the Crystal Kingdom. But then Rarity said Pinkie Pie was sick while she was there, so she didn't see most of what was going on. Since that was Pinkie's alibi, she backed down. Rarity probably found out Pinkie's alibi shortly after she arrived, since it's pretty much common knowledge around town at this point."

"But why didn't she just go public with the vamponies and the horn mutilations and..." I said, then realized the answer. "Oh. Right. Pinkie Pie screaming about vamponies and the sky falling. That would be a major disaster, and she'd probably end up in the psych ward at Ponyville General. Again. Right where the Order would want her, too."

"Again?" Spike asked.

"Don't ask," I said, shaking my head. "But wait... Why haven't Big Mac and Rarity attacked Pinkie Pie outright? They know she's on our side!"

"I was thinking the same thing! I asked her that, and Pinkie just said that you would know why Rarity was leaving her alone, and it would make much more sense coming from you. Like, she really insisted you be the one to tell me. So, I was hoping you knew. Don't you?" he asked me.

I paused and thought about it. "Spike, I don't have any idea. I have a lot of questions for Pinkie Pie..."

"Oh. Um... are you going to challenge Rarity?" asked Spike.

"Well... I can probably hold my own against Rarity in public speaking and talk my way out of whatever quagmire she's embedded me in. I'm nearly as good of a speaker as she is, and I have a lot of goodwill built up here. Besides, I'm a freaking Princess! Even if they think I'm nuts, it's not like they can countermand my orders," I said. "But I can't challenge her quite yet."

"Why not?" he asked.

"I don't like dealing with unknown quantities, Spike," I explained. "I need to translate Princess Celestia's message first. Without knowing where she stands or what our combined plan of attack will be, any action I take could be extremely foolish. I also want to speak to Pinkie tonight before making further plans."

I had several hours available to translate Princess Celestia's cryptic letter before Pinkie Pie was likely to stop by. Fortunately, I was able to do it in about ninety minutes (yes, I suppose I am bragging just a little). It's very clever, actually. I've decided to include the intermediary translations in case the reader would like to try their hoof at it. The first hint isn't spoilered, because you need it to begin at all:

Hint 0: This is a letter from Princess Celestia to me about the vampony situation. It must be tricky to figure out, so only I would be likely to unlock it quickly. But it must also be easy to translate once the trick is known, because time is of the essence.

I should mention that the script Princess Celestia used was a little unfamiliar. Celestia has a very precise hoof when she writes, even though she doesn't use her hooves for it anymore, of course. Each letter is very clear and very exact, with no extra flourishes or anything. Just simple sans-serif letters, perfectly formed. The script here is slightly rougher. It's still just as exact, still sans-serif, but it has gentler, more swooping strokes and lazier intersections. It's a little rougher in appearance, overall. But the exactness is the same, which is something you only get from centuries of practice no doubt! It seems clear to me that she modified her writing style to mask the fact that this message came from her. Even the angle of the letters is just a little off: instead of straight up and down, there is a very slight tilt to the left. Fortunately, I'm not so easily fooled by superficial differences like these.

Here is the exact ciphertext, with spaces replaced by _ for legibility:

!@_#[[$_%%#)({}%
^_&''*_%<;(_!^$@#/*_)/[{(_@^'_"!:,
([[[*_&:(_'@@@!##_!*_<._%"*_#""::;(_@&'_>^*$@#_%<_&+!
@#'_!@@%_.%%_,,,,,._%<_($#%$$;_:"'<$
&*_=$._.<_,,,$$$_/*_%@#$#@#
:;+[}@_"]<_&{].*_^(_^****)_:_?!@!@!@&._<)_%%*_,&"

<_.$%_(!!$+_<)_^%_%<_:^&$@@@

<_.!%_:!!!!@%_%<_>%@##*_%.<(_^>>><<<,,,._^._:$@_"*@

^_"[],_%{@_%<_)}}#_:_(!$#@%%._%<_<!$_!)(**,_>!!@#@!_#;;::;_!@_?'"'%_%<_%^*_=,,''.,_+=###.!

((%$*_/*_(@#@@;_>%%%%$#(_%%%%%%%%_(!@!$^*
@@'_:{*_%}*_<[]@_>[[@_^_=,._%,,,%_$...%_.<"_:>#_^_+;:"_@?'_(?!!,_./%_)/=,_!*
+++[()(_=##=@==:

As advertised, it's pretty tough! You would need to be a master cryptographer (like me) to solve this one without at least the following hint, which turns it from tough to straightforward:

Hint 1: Only the symbols at the beginning and end of each word are meaningful!

I figured this hint out because first off, the number-of-letters distribution matches up with formal writing, indicating that each string of symbols is likely a word of the appropriate length. But the existence of many three-or-more symbol progressions suggested that if all of the symbols were meaningful, there would necessarily be some odd two-for-one substitutions or a rotating cipher, and even then the message would need to have been tailored specifically to create that effect. Since this is overly complex and highly unlikely, I tried to translate it under the assumption that only the first and last letters in each word (the most important ones to determine what the word is) were ciphered; and that the remaining symbols stood for "any letter". This assumption turned out to be correct.

This epiphany makes it much easier to solve the resulting ciphertext, which becomes:

!@ #--$ %------%
^ &--* %--( !-----* )---( @-' "--,
(---* &-( '-----# !* <. %-* #-----( @-' >----# %< &-!
@-' !--% .-% ,----. %< (-----; :---$
&* =-. .< ,----$ /* %-----#
:-----@ "-< &-( /--. %----# /@ %--( ?-----@ =--------. =----% /* %-----#
^% ^( ^--------* %--% @-' #< .-% (----# ^---------. :---% %---$ ,--(
?---------@ ,------; :---% )-------. +-------* ^( ^----) : ?-------. <) %-* ,-"

< .-% (---+ <) ^% %< :-----@

< .-% :-----% %< >----* %--( ^---------. ^. :-@ "-@

^ "--, %-@ %< )--# : (------. %< <-$ !----, >-----! #----; !@ ?---% %< %-* =-----, +-----!

----* /* (----; >------( %------% (-----*
@-' :-* %-* <--@ >--@ ^ =-. %---% $---% .-" :-# ^ +--" @-' (---, .-% )--, !*
------( =------:

Note: The - symbol means "any letter". The symbols []{} are unused, and probably correspond to unlikely letters like 'q' or 'x' (there are twenty-two symbols, so four letters are absent).

At this point, an amateur cryptographer (with the knowledge of my situation that this journal provides, of course) could solve the puzzle without too much difficulty.

Just to provide a challenge for the reader who is not a cryptographer (but why not become one, it's fun!), I will post one more version of the text before the final cut, with this enormous hint provided:

Hint 2: Below I have replaced all of the symbols with their corresponding letters, so now all you have to do is figure out which words start and end with those letters and are of the appropriate length.

With this last hint, a partial translation should be possible even if you know nothing about cryptography. Well, maybe not for anypony, but I think most ponies have a good chance to figure out most of it. So give it a go! (This journal has to be worth more than just scarring its readers for life, right?) Here is the next-to-final version:

my d--r t------t
i h--e t--s m-----e f---s y-u w--l
s---e h-s u-----d me on t-e d-----s y-u p----d to h-m
y-u m--t n-t l----n to s-----g a---r
he c-n no l----r be t-----d
a-----y w-o h-s b--n t----d by t--s v-----y c--------n c----t be t-----d
it is i--------e t--t y-u do n-t s----d i---------n a---t t---r l--s
v---------y l------g a---t f-------n k-------e is i----f a v-------n of t-e l-w
do n-t s---k of it to a-----y
do n-t a-----t to p----e t--s i---------n in a-y w-y
i w--l t-y to f--d a s------n to o-r m----l p-----m d----g my v---t to t-e c-----l k-----m
p----e be s----g p------s t------t s-----e
y-u a-e t-e o--y p--y i c-n t---t r---t n-w a-d I k--w y-u s---l n-t f--l me
p------s c------a

This is the most awesome thing (I start to sound like Rainbow Dash when I geek out, I'm realizing) Princess Celestia has ever sent me! Well, maybe not exactly the most awesome, but it was really fun to decipher. It took me about ninety minutes.

Below is the final translation. Words marked with (?) are uncertain. Words with possible alternates are likewise marked. The message is clear, however:

my dear twilight
i hope this message finds you well
spike has updated me on the details you passed to him
you must not listen to shining armor
he can no longer be trusted
anypony who has been turned(?) by this vampony connection(corruption?) cannot be trusted
it is imperative(impossible?) that you do not spread(?) information about their lies(laws? loss?)
voluntarily(?) learning(?) about forbidden(?) knowledge is itself(?) a violation of the law
do not speak of it to anypony
do not attempt to pursue(peruse?) this information in any way
i will try to find a solution to our mutual(?) problem during my visit to the crystal kingdom
please be strong princess twilight sparkle
you are the only pony i can trust right now and i know you shall not fail me
princess celestia

I may have mistranslated some of the larger words, even those I didn't mark, but in cases like this (information, knowledge, etc.) I can't imagine a different word that might significantly alter the intended message. I admit there is a chance that something important is being overlooked, but I don't think it's a realistic thing to worry over. Princess Celestia wouldn't send me something written too vaguely to parse properly.

Unfortunately, Celestia's letter appears to support to what Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were saying about her blocking open inquiry and scientific documentation. I don't like this one bit. I have some hard questions to ask my mentor. But I still trust her, and for now will work under the assumption that she is entirely in the right, as this is typically the case (and I don't think the data suggest her rectitude in this matter is impossible).

One thing, however, is unclear. The princess went to a lot of trouble to tell me not to trust the vamponies and not to spread any information about what they've told me. Hell, it's like, 80% of the message! That doesn't make a lot of sense if I'm supposed to be helping out here. When she mentioned "do not speak of it to anypony", she must have been referring not only to my brother's lies, but also to the information we've gathered about the vamponies. I'm not one-hundred percent on this, but I am fairly certain she is ordering me to avoid passing any information out publicly.

This means I'm not allowed to confront Rarity, and I can't tell any of the truths I know in public. I can't say anything about vamponies, or the sex, or Shining Armor's plans, or Luna's Night Guard, or any of the details that suggest there actually is a menace afoot. I suspect that Princess Celestia knows the vamponies are extremely dangerous, and all hell will break loose if we go public (and that would be a Bad Thing at present).

All I can do now is wait for future orders from her. In the interim, I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon researching a method for recovering dream details from a pony's subconscious. I'll wait until Pinkie arrives to make my next entry.

I'm going to have to add information about what happened in the hills soon. Celestia forgive me.

After a couple more entries, I'm pretty sure I didn't leave anything from this one. So I'm going to use the extra space I left here to give details on the Six Keys of Friendship prophesy.

This is a very old prophesy, more than a millenium old (it might even be older than Princess Celestia, though that's kind of a scary thought). The book is merely a couple of centuries old because it traveled through time like the rest of the Crystal Kingdom when King Sombra sealed it away.

The gist of the prophesy is straightforward. There is a tree of "creation" (obviously the Tree of Harmony) which one day will "yield fruit" in the form of a locked chest. That much we already knew.

There are also six friends who represent six "truths". I recognize the first five as "celebration", "honor", "law-abiding", "sharing/producing", and "tending/overseeing". I'm 99.98% certain that these correspond to Laughter, Loyalty, Honesty, Generosity, and Kindness, as they are called today.

Curiously enough, I don't know what the sixth word is! I know it's not "magic", so I presume it's a magic-related word (since my element is obviously Magic). I'm stumped, however, because I can't find any references to it anywhere. The only sources I have for this ancient dialect are books that chronicle trade disputes, legal matters, and of course, magic. So I don't have any poetry or works of fiction or cultural information, but this word appears here so it must have a relevant meaning. Whatever this word is, it's very short (two glyphs long!) so it must be a very important word, even though I've never seen it before. I'll have to ask Celestia. (If you're curious, I believe the word would sound like "tss-aa", where the "aa" sounds like a mix of "ah" as in "call" and the short "aa" as in "cat". Also, the vowel rises in pitch as you say it.)

Anyway, here's the prophesy. When the six ties (friends) come together, each key will reveal itself (or spring into being) in turn. The sixth key can only appear after the five. Every key is described as a "key of learning" but the sixth key is a "key of sacrifice". Hmm.

Once the keys are together, the six (friends) will unite to open the box and release... something. This one is a proper noun, I'm sure. Part of the noun means "what is called" so that might mean "what you summon", or "something previously named", or even just "the right thing at the right time", which magic and prophesy tend to do. I don't think the prophesy gives enough information to tell what's in the box. What's inside? We just have to open it.

Of course, there is a puzzle to solve before that question can be answered: I still don't know what my key is. Magic, and a key of sacrifice? Given what I know about the Order, well... I'll bet you're thinking the same unfortunate thing I'm thinking.

I'm more than a little concerned that the sixth key might be my horn.

Day 49 (An Unexpected Letter)

I spent a couple of hours doing research on memory loss. Since the missing day isn't the result of injury (external or internal), it must be magical, psychological, or pathogenic in nature. I doubt the vampony infection would randomly cause retrograde amnesia. That leaves psychological trauma or magic, and both seem plausible given the circumstances.

There are only two magical spells I know which can cause memory loss. The first is a permanent memory wipe which removes roughly ninety minutes of memories, but I've only tried it once (on myself) because it is proscribed by law, for obvious reasons. If I'm missing an entire day, it's not that one. The second spell temporarily locks away one specific memory or fact until a particular event occurs. As before, it's too limited to block out a day's worth of memories, or even the entirety of a single lucid dream experience.

Since I'm not currently showing any signs of post-traumatic stress (well, any new signs, at least), my current theory is that some other form of magic is involved here. It seems likely that Princess Luna has fallen to the Order. My leading hypothesis is that she used her oneiromancy to keep me asleep for a day, in the hopes that the vampony infection would run its course and turn me into Creepy Twilight the Hornless Fatherbucking Brotherfucker. It's reasonable to assume Luna could prevent me from remembering my dreams. However, it's still not clear to me why she would want to prevent me from remembering them.

Either way, detection spells suggest I am not currently ensorceled. In order to return my memories, I'll need to rely on mundane techniques like hypnosis, or possibly magic-infused alchemy. I can teach Spike hypnosis relatively quickly, but the procedure would take a long time to perform properly as it won't be enough to perform a single induction (even with a magic assist). I really need to come up with a faster method.

While in the middle of my research, Spike happened to be peeking through the blinds at just the right time.

"Twilight!" Spike called. "Somepony just delivered an express letter to our mailbox! It's probably important," he said.

I thought for a moment. It wouldn't be Princess Celestia, of course, unless for some bizarre reason she had no access to scrolls. But it could still be very important. I crouched down beside my assistant, looking out at the mailbox. It was a cloudy afternoon, but still light out.

"I'd rather not wait until nightfall if we can grab it now. There aren't many ponies about. If we can do this quickly enough, even if anypony sees anything, they probably won't connect the dots. Can you handle a couple of rapid teleportations?" I asked him.

"Ugh. That distance is when they start to make me queasy," he said. "And to be completely honest, I'm pretty sure ponies know I'm here by now. I tried to hide as much as possible initially, but I've been out to the mailbox a couple of times before."

"Wait, now all of a sudden you're not concerned about stealth?" I asked. It almost felt like Spike was hiding something from me, but I'm sure it was nerves. "We should assume we still have the element of surprise, lest we lose it."

Spike sighed deeply. "Never mind. Let's do this," said Spike, prematurely wincing.

"Okay. Stand with your back to the wall," I said. "That way I don't have to reorient you when I drop you in front of the mailbox, so any nausea effect should be lessened. Imagine the mailbox a few inches away from your face, because that's where it will be. I need you to quickly open it, grab the letter, and shut it. If it isn't shut then ponies will get suspicious."

"Can't you just use your telekinesis?" he asked.

"It's hard from this distance, especially not being able to see the letter, but I could probably do it. The problem is it would be too obvious with a letter floating through the air. I can't teleport it directly because teleportation is much harder on nonliving objects, and even more so with my view blocked. I don't even know exactly what it looks like," I said.

Spike stood in place, back to the wall beside me so I barely had him in my peripheral and the mailbox was also in view. His knees were slightly bent for action. "Ready when you are, Twilight."

"Alright, I'll say 'go' a second or two before I send you. Don't try to grab it too quickly, though, just be careful that you go through the motions properly. Waiting for that pony to walk by... Looks pretty clear now... And, go!" I said. Spike tensed in place, and I teleported him right in front of the mailbox. He paused for one second without moving, then very rapidly opened the box, grabbed the scroll, and closed the box. I teleported him right back. He had been exposed to the outside world for less than three seconds: a nearly perfect execution.

"Ooog. I need to sit down," said Spike, and he plopped down on the couch. I walked over to a nearby chair and sat with him as I opened the letter.

"Waiting that second was an intelligent use of your time," I said. "Planning time is more important than trying to fix mistakes in action as you go." Spike blushed and smiled wanly. I've never known why long-range teleportation affects him like that. I guess he's extremely lucky (as am I) that he had the fortitude to glide me down after the Twiliport Loop execution and hold off on emesis until he landed me.

I unfolded the letter (it was very long), and upon seeing the signatures at the bottom, my jaw dropped (figuratively). This was quite literally the last living pony I ever expected to see correspondence from.

"Twilight?" asked Spike, his voice filled with worry.

"You're not going to believe this, Spike..."

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle:

It is I, The Great and Powerful Trixie! Trixie apologizes for interrupting your important work, but something has come up which Trixie believes you must become aware of.

As Trixie's reputation remains tarnished, Trixie has traveled to Appleloosa and begged forgiveness from its citizens for the opportunity to perform menial labor. Fortunately, these simple ponies are both generous and forgiving, and harvesting apples is foal's play for a mage of my caliber, unlike breaking rocks (no offense intended to the pink one and her family, of course). These ponies and their simple ways remind Trixie of you and your friends. Someday, Trixie hopes to master such friendship herself.

And now, Trixie may have even made a real friend for the first time, which she hopes pleases you. He is Braeburn, Applejack's cousin, and you likely recall him. He is as generous as he is handsome, though he wishes Trixie to say he did not ask her to write that about him (and Trixie is not attempting to treat him as "that kind" of friend; just to have someone willing to help is more than sufficient for Trixie's need to feel well about herself—but please, take that in confidence). Trixie has asked him to sign this letter with her to attest to its authenticity.

Pleasantries are concluded. Our situation is dire, and urgent action is needed. For most of today, Trixie and Braeburn have been speaking with the natives in this area about all of the unusual goings-on that the two of us have witnessed. Their theories are unusual and deal in myths and legends, but we are desperate enough at this point to listen to anything which might bear fruit in the long-term. Initially, Trixie was the only witness to the madness, and nopony would believe her, but Braeburn was willing to trust Trixie long enough to acquire the evidence to convince him. He has been a most loyal friend, and Trixie is deeply grateful.

Here is the initial observation. Late one evening, Trixie witnessed a pegasus-like creature bearing wings like a bat and a feral hissing voice. It tried to attack her, but Trixie easily deflected it with a magic barrier. It appeared to have a cutie mark, but Trixie did not get a close look. It also appeared to have something shiny encircling its neck, like a collar.

Then Trixie noticed something most curious. This creature very closely matched the appearance of a pegasus pony who had recently arrived in town, and she also wears a pair of bit-like earrings which appear to be iron or steel, and an odd steel collar with a ring on its front. The collar seems a highly unusual fashion choice for this locale. The mare calls herself "Gala Apple" and has a coat and mane similar in color to Applejack's brother, though perhaps a shade lighter for both (according to Braeburn). However, neither of us believe she is a close relative of any true Apple kin. In the first place, it is rare for an Apple to be a pegasus due to their highly-selective earth pony lineage and the slight degree of earth pony inbreeding among their kinship. Additionally, the mare claims to be a farmer, but even Trixie can tell she has never set hoof on a farm before. Even more suspiciously, she wears leather chaps on her haunches which completely hide her cutie mark. Finally, she came into town with saddlebags filled with something that clinked like metal, but her bags were empty not long after arriving.

Silverstar (the local sheriff) did not believe Trixie's story about the creature, but at least he thought she was "confused" rather than outright telling a falsehood. After pleading with Braeburn for assistance, Trixie took him to the location of our sighting in the orchard. Braeburn's keen eye noticed that a few apples on the branches of nearby trees appeared desiccated, and upon closer inspection (once removed from the tree) it became obvious that these apples had been drained of almost all of their juices through a couple of bite-like punctures. Initially, Braeburn suspected that some of what Applejack described as "vampire fruit bats" had migrated to this arid climate, as unlikely as that seemed. But Trixie noticed that the two puncture marks were too large and too far apart to have come from a small mammal. As perhaps you might have already induced, the distance matches the average width of a mare's cuspid teeth.

Around the middle of the day after our sighting, another pegasus arrived. His name is Eff Stop, and he is a photographer or journalist (we have not inquired further). He asks questions which suggests he is looking for something, but does not wish to reveal what he seeks. Silverstar has been keeping a close eye on him.

That evening, Braeburn and Trixie confronted the mare together, but she ran from us and somehow escaped down an alleyway. There aren't many places in Appleloosa in which one can easily hide, as the buildings are few. We searched the town and orchard throughout the evening, but by Princess Celestia's glorious dawn, it became clear she was no longer in town.

Trixie slept in Braeburn's house (not in Braeburn's bed, of course) from dawn until noon, while Braeburn also slept. Sheriff Silverstar rudely awakened Trixie and told her that she had been sighted stealing a large quantity of apples (this is, of course, one-hundred percent preposterous goat droppings, although Trixie feels compelled to add that no offense toward goats is intended by this) and told Trixie that she must either leave town forever, or head to a jail cell in order to await a fair trial. He suggested that somepony was likely imagining things "just as I had" (ha! I say) in reference to the creature, and if Trixie would only stay for a couple of nights in custody (during which she would be fed and given comfortable sleeping arrangements) the charges would likely be dropped before a trial even became necessary. It was not obvious how he would have such an expectation without access to any evidence. He would not reveal who had supposedly sighted me committing petty theft, and said only that the pony would testify if the matter went to trial. Of course, Trixie currently trusts Silverstar as far as she can throw him without use of magic, and he is an earth pony while Trixie is a unicorn. Trixie believes the implication is quite clear.

Braeburn came downstairs during our heated discussion, and confronted the Sheriff. He provided an alibi for Trixie since she was with him constantly during the time in which this witness supposedly occurred, which saved Trixie from being arrested. Sheriff Silverstar has been acting very strangely since then, and Braeburn no longer trusts him.

Now, the purpose of this piece of correspondence. Twilight, if Trixie may be so bold as to call you by that name alone, there is something very unusual going on in Appleloosa. Braeburn is very concerned. He would like you to notify Applejack's family of this matter. Trixie does not expect either of you to have the time to come assist us, but a visit from anypony with a bit of horse sense in them would not be unwelcome. At this time, Silverstar is no longer the only pony resident of Appleloosa who has begun acting strangely.

We suspect that there is danger ahoof, and we further suspect that this danger extends well beyond Appleloosa. We also suspect you may already be aware of the problem. There are rumors that Canterlot is taking unusual security measures, perhaps to protect against the threat this entity and its assumed conspirators may pose to ponykind. There are also rumors that something strange is taking place in Manehattan, though these rumors are more vague.

Trixie very much hopes you are well and safe, despite the repeated injustices your actions have brought upon her in the past. Trixie appreciates any friendship you may see fit to offer her, if only in spirit. Please take great care, Twilight Sparkle. If anypony can be counted upon, apart from Trixie, of course, that pony is you... Princess.

Intended in sincerest friendship,

The friendliest and most daring-in-the-face-of-the-unknown of all ponies,

The Great and Powerful Trixie!

and

Braeburn (Apple)

I paused for a moment as we both took in the implications of the letter.

"Spike, do you realize what this means?" I asked.

Spike chuckled. "Somepony is even more long-winded than you?" he said, using his claws in a vain attempt to hide his grin.

I was about to roll my eyes and sigh loudly, but I thought of Pinkie Pie, and wondered how she would react. A smile crept across my muzzle.

"Yes, exactly," I replied with a giggle, then looked back down at the letter, pretending to reread it.

It took a while for Spike to figure out I was trying to make a joke. "Heh, not too bad," he said. "You need to work on making it more deadpan, though."

"That's really hard to do, Spike! Before meeting Pinkie Pie, I never realized how difficult it is to make ponies laugh," I said. Just then, however, I remembered that I often inadvertently make ponies laugh by saying or doing something that wasn't intended to be humorous. "Make them laugh intentionally, I mean," I clarified.

Of course, Spike laughed at that.

"Okay, fun time is over. I need one of those scrolls," I said, levitating a quill pen.

"Wait, can I take the letter?" Spike asked. "You could use a little rest."

He was right. So I let him write on one of the three blank scrolls Princess Celestia sent me. I dictated the following letter.

Dear The Great and Powerful Trixie,

Thank you for sending your letter. You most certainly have my friendship and support, Trixie (if I may be so bold as to call you by that name alone, as well).

You and Braeburn have stumbled upon something that currently threatens all of Equestria and the Crystal Kingdom. Due to (presumably temporary) orders from Princess Celestia, I can't share much information about the threat itself, but I can at least tell you that you're not crazy, and both of you need to be very careful. Canterlot, the Crystal Kingdom, and Ponyville are all unsafe at the moment, and several ponies are going to a lot of trouble to make me sound crazy to keep me from disrupting this conspiracy. This includes, very sadly, several of my closest friends. They are still my friends, but have become insane and believe they are "helping" me by doing this.

I really wish I could tell you more, Trixie. The moment I hear back from Princess Celestia that I am able to speak to you, I'll tell you everything I know. For the time being, here is a bulleted list of points you should be aware of.

* You cannot trust friends and acquaintances unless you have been around them consistently.

* Anypony who wears a collar or earrings like you have described probably cannot be trusted. (I unfortunately have a pair of the earrings on, and they cannot easily be removed, but I am an exception.)

* If you receive what seems to be a large, itchy bite (especially but not always in a delicate area), you should be extremely concerned. To avoid this possibility, don't sleep outside, and don't sleep near other ponies unless you are certain they are safe. Lock your doors. Ponies who are bitten will realize something is wrong shortly afterwards, but after a few days they cannot be trusted anymore. If Braeburn is bitten, I suspect he will warn you himself. Other ponies would likely be too shy to mention anything about the bite until it is too late.

* Beware anypony who acts in an unusually sexually-aggressive manner.

* There is a spell that can reverse the effects of the bite, if cast within about a day of receiving the bite. I have included a copy of the spell with this scroll. It is very tricky to cast properly, but I believe you will be able to do it. Practice it until you get it exactly right.

* Unfortunately, this spell only works on the caster. I'm trying to adapt it to work on other ponies, but I haven't had the time as our situation is extremely dire at the moment. So Braeburn needs to be very careful.

* Don't confront anypony else about what you know, especially not in public view. I'm awaiting orders from Princess Celestia on that front, and until I hear back from her, she has suggested that any such confrontation will more likely harm you than help you.

Please be strong, Trixie. We're in this together, I promise you. Below I have written the spell. If you need to contact me back, completely blot out your name at the top of this scroll, write your message on the back of the scroll, and title it as you did before (Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle). You will need to use dragonfire to burn the scroll (other fire may work but it's not guaranteed). I have also included details on how to cast a dragonfire spell. Due to space limitations, both spells are in fine print (as fine as Spike can write, anyway).

Good luck to you, The Great and Powerful Trixie. I'm counting on you guys, just as I'm sure you're counting on me.

In friendship,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Spike printed the details for both spells at the bottom of the scroll, and then breathed fire to send it on its way. Under the presumption that there is only one The Great and Powerful Trixie out there, this should get right to her.

For the record, I think that's a pretty safe presumption. There's only one TG&PT, thank goodness. In fact, I think one Trixie is precisely the right number, just like Pinkie Pie. (I still feel pretty guilty for what she's been through.)

I paused to write this entry, then returned to my studies. I was in the middle of reading up on altered states of consciousness when someone whispered right into my ear.

"Pssssssst!" the voice said.

"AAAAAAAAA!!!" I screamed. (Or however you're supposed to write a scream, I don't really know. Every author of fiction seems to do it differently, so I guess anything goes? But this is nonfiction. Anyway, I actually did scream.) I also fell out of my chair and flailed wildly with all four hooves.

"Oopsie! Sorry Twilight, it's just me!" said Pinkie Pie. She was covered from head to toe in black, and hung upside down from a rope tied to the branchwork at the top of the room. "But shhhh, or Spike will hear us!" she added, making no effort to talk any quieter.

"Um, yeah," said Spike, walking in from the kitchen, "I'm pretty sure Spike knows you're here." Pinkie Pie giggled in response.

"Give me a minute, guys," I said, then quickly wrote these last few lines here.

Of course, I'm really eager to talk to Pinkie Pie. I'm going to make a separate entry for that, to immediately follow this one. I don't think I need to leave space after this entry, even though the only blank portion of the journal right now is that empty half-page between the entries of Day 2 and Day 10. What we're about to discuss is extremely important, and I'll leave plenty of space after the next entry (once I've transcribed what we've learned). Be right back!

Day 49 (Pinkie's Secret) (Part 1 of 3)

Where was I?

Oh, right. Pinkie Pie had just scared the twilights out of me. I stood up, tried to relax, and then took a moment to cast the infection delay spell.

"Whoa!" said Pinkie Pie, removing her ninja mask and hopping off of the rope. "Was that some kind of secret agent nopony-can-overhear-us spell?" she whispered.

"Nope. It's the cure for the infection, except it doesn't work anymore because I waited too long," I explained. "So I have to cast it twice a day to keep the infection from spreading." I sighed a little. I probably looked pretty tired.

"Oh gee Twilight, you look awful," said Pinkie Pie, confirming my suspicion, then gave me a nice warm hug. It felt great. I held back tears.

As she moved away from the hug, I heard a tinny tapping sound and looked down. On her feet she wore a new type of copper horseshoe. This kind was even thinner, and not nearly as heavy. It looked quite fashionable. It seemed odd to me that she wore the shoe over the catsuit, but it didn't appear to have damaged the material. Looking back up, I noticed Pinkie had on a copper collar as well.

I felt a brief chill crawl up my spine.

"Twilie—oops, sorry! I mean, Twilight? Are you okay?" asked Pinkie Pie, looking very concerned.

Spike approached us both. "She's been through a lot Pinkie. Like, some really horrible stuff, like her parents trying to rape..."

"Spike!" I barked. He winced, knowing he'd said too much. Before I could respond to Pinkie Pie, she picked me up and dropped me face-down onto the sofa, and began massaging my shoulders. I almost freaked out, but I didn't, and pony am I glad I didn't. She's really, really good at this. Seriously, she could work part-time down at the spa.

"Pinkie, I appreciate you trying to... Wow, that really helps," I said, and murmured a bit.

I barely felt myself doze off, and lost consciousness for about a half-hour. I guess things were harder on me than I'd thought.

When I came to, Spike was gently tapping me. Pinkie had taken off her outfit, except for the collar, and then she'd put the copper shoes back on. About this time I noticed her copper earrings were different, too: smaller than the old ones.

"Sorry about that Twilight," he said, looking terribly guilty.

"It's okay," I said, following it with a yawn. "I don't care if she knows, and it's probably best she does," I admitted. I rose to a sitting position on the couch.

Spike nodded, looking relieved. "So, I caught Pinkie up on everything except for the gory details," he began.

"But gory details are the best details!" whined Pinkie, mock-pouting.

I chuckled. "Okay, so if we're on the same page, let's see. I need to know what Rarity's up to..."

Before I could finish, she interrupted me with a gentle hoof on my shoulder. "Twilight Sparkle," said Pinkie Pie, looking me dead in the eye. "There was nothing wrong with what we did with Spike."

I felt my stomach drop into my hooves (but not literally, that would be ridiculous). "Pinkie," I said, closing my eyes.

"No! Don't do this to yourself Twilight. This is not the time," she said.

Spike cleared his throat. "Listen to her, Twilight. Please."

"I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... Fine. I don't think we did anything wrong," I admitted.

For a moment, nopony said anything. Then Pinkie broke the silence.

"Great! Oh, what a relief. Spike was really worried that—" she said, but I placed a hoof on her mouth.

"But that doesn't mean we didn't do something very, very illegal."

"If it's not wrong, then why the hay does it have to be illegal?" grumbled Spike.

"To protect foals like you from abuse, Spike."

"It wasn't abuse. And you said I wasn't a foal anymore..."

I took a deep breath. "Society is safer with a blanket ban on, well, that sort of thing with foals. Sex is weird and confusing enough as it is, and even adults suffer from heartache and rejection..."

"Oh!" said Pinkie. "But then isn't it better to teach them about it early?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. This thing is bigger than any of us, Pinkie," I said. "I don't think Celestia will hold us accountable for what happened due to the circumstances, and I probably have a lot of leeway as a Princess. But I understand the purpose of the law, and I agree with it."

"Wait," Spike said. "Are you actually saying that the law should apply irrespective to the situation? If anypony could look at our situation and determine it was appropriate, why does the law have to be so... so, um...?"

"Monolithic," I suggested.

"Ooh! Monolithic. I like that word. Maud used to use it all the time!" said you-know-who.

"Guys, I don't want to talk about this now. When it comes to the safety of the vulnerable, the law is simpler when the lines are clearly drawn. Ugh, why did everypony I know have to turn into perverts!"

"Twilight, at least let me say just one more thing," Pinkie asked.

I sighed. "Sure, go ahead."

"Yay! Oh wait, I meant sing one more thing," she corrected herself.

"Oh no," said Spike, under his breath.

"Pinkie, please, please, please tell me you're not about to sing a song in defense of pedofoalia," I said, in the most entreating tone I could muster.

"Don't be silly, Twilight! I'd never lie to you," said Pinkie Pie.

I buried my face in my forehooves. "Oh my stars. You can't possibly be serious," I said.

(She was.)

Pinkie says her song's music comes from something called "The Gypsy Bard"? Never heard of it.

If your friendships have gone tragic
And they need a little magic,
Don't you waste your thoughts on logic:
I know something else that fits!

Age and gender, they don't matter
Once you're batty as a hatter!
Cause your heart goes pitter-patter,
When your scruples call it quits!

When I was a little filly, I — — with Maud and it was quite silly.
It brought us together like a family and I knew right away there wasn't anything wrong.
So I learned: while love is fleeting, kindness won't lead to retreating,
Even if they're foals, when you're —— with their —, have no fear if you follow my song!

Don't you have sex for lust only,
Or you'll be forever lonely;
Foals prefer romantic grooming
To a quick roll in the hay.

Give them all your love and caring,
Hear them giggle when you're swearing!
Never force an awkward pairing,
And they'll love it when you play.

When I was a little filly, I — — to Maud and it was quite silly.
It brought us together like a family and I knew right away there wasn't anything wrong.
So I learned: while love is fleeting, kindness won't lead to retreating,
Even if they're foals, when you're —— with their —, have no fear if you follow my song!

Now the moral here is simple:
Though they've got the cutest dimples,
Only touch foals who request it
And they won't feel bad or cry.

If you're doubting what I'm saying,
and your superego's braying;
Let me offer you a taste: you'll see,
It's easy as Pinkie Pie!

Spike and I just stood there, jaws agape, stunned.

"Soooooo... Did you like it?" asked Pinkie Pie, grinning from ear to ear.

It took me a moment to speak. "Pinkie, that was the most illegal song I have ever heard in my life!"

"What? Since when can songs be illegal? That's crazy talk!" she said.

"It can be illegal if it incites ponies to commit a terrible crime! Pinkie, I don't even think writing that down is legal, and for reasons I have yet to fully understand, I think I'm going to write it down in my journal anyway," I said. "I'll probably avoid writing down some of the more explicit bits, at least. But on the mantle of dear sweet Celestia, never sing that song again."

Pinkie Pie pouted. "Aww, shoot. Maybe 'tragic' and 'logic' didn't go together as well as I thought."

"I don't think that's the problem Pinkie," said Spike. "I mean, just for starters, the music is way too cheerful for the horrible imagery."

Pinkie tilted her head. "It's not horrible! Foals and infants are the just cutest, most adorable little..."

"Oh, no. No Pinkie, no. The Cake babies... please don't tell me," I said, my voice cracking. My legs were shaking with some kind of unfamiliar emotion—a very unpleasant one.

"Huh? Oh. OH! No no no no no! Not like that," she said. I noticed Spike exhale with relief. "The only stuff I do with them is soothing them when I put them to bed."

"Pinkie!" I gasped.

"It's not for sex!" she insisted, rearing up defensively. "I mean, a long long time ago, everypony used to do it. It went out of style several hundred years ago, for some reason. I mean, you just rub them down there, and it helps them go to sleep. It's totally not perverted, I swear."

"Well... I guess that's okay?" said Spike, very uncertain. He stepped back a few hooves to withdraw from the active conversation.

"It's bad, Spike," I said. "Pinkie was molested as a foal and she needs significant therapy to see that it was wrong."

"Um, I'm right here, Twilight. I can hear you," said Pinkie Pie, her muzzle scrunched up in temper. "And I don't need therapy to turn something I remember being super-fun into something super-awful."

"Wait, does that mean I need therapy?" asked Spike. "Because that's messed up."

"My Moon, Pinkie," I said under my breath, pretty much at my wits' end. "Okay. I guess... I guess it's not completely horrible, but even if you don't have lingering foalhood trauma, let's agree you've been under a lot of stress with all the terrible stuff that's been going on around us. I don't want to have to pretend you were bitten by the vamponies in order to save your sorry haunches from permanent incarceration," I explained.

In all honesty, that really is my main concern. I love Pinkie Pie, I can't believe any of this is really her fault, and I doubt she's actually hurt anypony with her ridiculous actions (apart from legally). Maybe she does need therapy, but she's not a bad pony. Not the way it looks. She's the last pony I'd ever expect to hurt anypony (other than herself). Even when she loses her temper from a broken Pinkie Promise, it's just an act. (Fluttershy is another story altogether. Classic Fluttershy, I mean.)

Spike reached up and stroked my shoulder. "It's okay, Twilight. Everypony's fine, okay?"

I laughed dryly. "I mean, I'm not even sure how we'd know if Pinkie did become a vampony!"

"Um, Twilight?" she said.

"Yes?"

"We already talked about this. Like, a bunch. Don't you remember...?" said Pinkie Pie.

"I'm pretty damn certain I've never talked to anypony about stroking infant ponies' genitals to put them to sleep, Pinkie. That is, yet again, a conversational first for me."

"No, I mean the other thing."

"What other thing?" I asked.

"The vampony thing! The thing I wanted you to talk to Spike about. You know, why Rarity hasn't attacked me," said Pinkie.

"I don't know why, Pinkie. That's what I wanted to ask you," I said.

"Twilight! We just talked about this three days ago! You already know I'm a darkhoof," she said.

"I don't even know what a darkhoof is, Pinkie!" I shouted, then brought my voice back down. "Sorry. Wait, when did you say we talked about this? I'm missing about a day of memories from yesterday, and I'm not sure what the best way is to get them back yet."

"After you escaped from Big Macintosh," she said. "We talked for like an hour. Well, actually we only talked for about fifteen minutes. We did other things for the rest of the hour," she giggled. "But I still talked the whole time..."

Spike stepped tentatively forward. "Twilight, you didn't mention anything about this to me."

"That's because it didn't happen. I would remember if..." I began, and then it hit me.

I couldn't remember picking up my supplies.

"Wait. This is insane! I remember leaving Cheerilee, and running out to the broken tree, and then," I said, then grabbed the journal and opened it to the entry on the barn. "I wrote right here, 'searching the bush...' but I don't remember searching the bush. I remember getting close to the bush, but not searching it. I wrote it down right here just like it happened but I don't remember it. Why on Equestria don't I remember that?" I asked.

"Um, maybe because you didn't do it?" said Pinkie Pie. "I caught up with you at the bush. Spike left everything there but it was still too obvious so I stood watch until you got back. I was planning to camp out there if I had to. You didn't find your supplies. I handed them to you, including Spike's letter, which was a little dated since we hadn't made the Pinkie-watching-your-stuff plan when he wrote it. But we discussed all that."

I stared down at my hooves, thinking. "You're right, Pinkie. I can't remember meeting you at all, but you have to be right. My mind is a total blank from that point until I was up in the air flying toward Canterlot," I said, "and it's, it's... Sun, it's just terrifying. It's not as disturbing as having a false memory, of course, but I wouldn't have realized the memory wasn't there unless I'd run through the events. A missing hour, totally undetectable without intentional retrospection..." I must have been shaking in my horseshoes (that's only a figure of speech, my hooves were unclad), because Spike leaned against me to steady my balance.

"How is this possible?" Spike asked. "Is someone stealing your memories, Twilight?"

"No, Spike. This is totally different from the missing day. This... Oh Celestia. I did this! I removed my own memories, and I forged the entry to mislead myself about what happened, but I don't know why." I looked from Spike back to Pinkie Pie. "Why would I do this?" I asked her. "Oh no. Pinkie... What is a darkhoof?" The fear was apparent in my voice.

Pinkie Pie giggled. "That's what you call an earth pony vampony, silly!" she said and grinned, revealing razor-sharp fangs as they magically grew downward from her upper teeth.

Spike fainted on the spot.

I, on the other hoof, acted out of instinct. My horn glowed like fire and I pinned Pinkie against the wall with telekinetic magic.

"Twilight! What on Equestria are you doing?" she cried out.

"You're a vampony? And you actually told me this and somehow I was fine with it?!" I said, enraged and confused (not a good combination for me, because they kind of feed off of each other).

"Of course you're okay with it! I mean, were. But probably are, too, because you were back then, so you'd have to be now unless everything changed..." she babbled.

I dropped her to the floor and stepped back. "When did this happen? Oh, Dear Celestia—does Rarity know I'm here? Does my brother?"

"Hay, chillax, okay?" said Pinkie Pie, standing up and dusting her legs off. "Nopony knows you're here. I'm not stupid, Twilight. That's why I use the outfit over there. Well, that, and because it's really fun to wear!" she said with a giggle.

"When did this happen?" I asked, repeating myself, still geared up for a magic assault. Spike came to around this time, and scampered behind me.

"Oh! Well, let's see... add two weeks, carry the one..."

"Pinkie, please."

"Okay okay. Do you remember when it happened to Rarity?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Before that."

"Before Rarity? Holy horseapples," I said. "Pinkie Pie, you were the first vampony besides Fluttershy???"

"No, Big Mac was a vampony a little bit before me, of course. And two of Luna's night guards, according to Shy. But yeah, I was pretty early!" she grinned.

"Aarrrgh! The Herd of Four, Pinkie! You came up with the name!"

"Hay!" Spike said, looking dejected. "I thought it was the Herd of Five."

"This was before then," I explained.

"It's not my fault! You guys just seemed so, into it, y'know? I really didn't want to put a damper on your plans," she said.

"So when were you planning to betray us?" I asked.

"Um, never?"

I had run out of patience. "WELL WHY THE BUCK NOT???" I screamed.

Pinkie rolled her eyes and frowned. "Well, duh! Because I'm your friend, stupid."

That was the final logical straw that broke me. I dropped to a resting position on the hardwood floor, unable to say anything more. Spike comforted me. Apparently I cried a lot. I don't remember crying, but Spike told me about it later and helped me deal with it at the time. I guess it was the bizarre combination of what this might imply. For one, Pinkie Pie might be a true friend even post-infection, though it wasn't clear to me how much she'd been playing both sides. I'm also not certain what all the difference is between Vampony Pinkie Pie and Classic Pinkie Pie, apart from the supernatural features of course. But the thing that really did me in was having access to yet another datum indicating that the vamponies are very much like the rest of us. That makes them much harder to resist, and that's stressful. I need to belong, to be loved, so badly right now. Yielding continues to be a constant temptation, and it's getting harder to remember why I was ever fighting this in the first place.

I needed time to process and bury all of this, so Pinkie Pie made some herbal tea for us, and we sipped it in silence for a while before I could finally speak again.

"Okay," I finally said. "For the time being, I guess we're just going to assume Pinkie's not going to bite us or betray us or anything."

"Unless you want me to!" she cheerfully offered, again flashing those fangs. Wow. It's still really, really unsettling to watch her do that. Why would magical fruit-puncturing teeth ever need to be that sharp? Apples aren't exactly hard to puncture! Spike seems to be handling it better now, at least, but he isn't letting his guard down. (Good.)

I sighed. "Right. Anyway, this is actually an amazing opportunity for us. Pinkie, you probably know things about the vamponies and the Spring Order that I don't, I hope?" I asked.

Pinkie Pie pursed her lips in thought. "Yep! I don't know as much about it as Rarity or Fluttershy, but I know a lot of things," she said. "Like, for one thing, it's the Order of Spring, and it's not a—"

"But why are they working against us, and you're not?" blurted Spike, apparently as eager for knowledge as I was.

"I don't think they're against you exactly," said Pinkie. "It's more like, they didn't realize how stubborn Twilight would end up being, and this led to an enormous mess. I was like, hay, let's be nice to Twilight and let her make her own decisions..."

"But... that means you still want us to join the Order, doesn't it?" I asked nervously.

"Sorta? But first off, it's not something you can join because it isn't a group—" she said.

"Wait, stop. This is confusing," I said, shaking my head. "I need to ask logical questions in a logical order, Pinkie. So everypony pipe down, and let me do the asking. Once I'm all done, you can fill in the holes, if any remain unfilled."

That led to childish laughter from both of them. I had a feeling this would be a very long conversation.

"Alright, let's start from the beginning. Tell us what happened when Fluttershy turned you into a vampony, Pinkie," I said.

"Sure! It was a day or two before the barn party. We were having our weekly FlutterPie Pony Pile..."

"Your... what, now?" asked Spike.

"Oh! We'd been meaning to ask you to come to those Spike, once we finally cleared it with Rarity. It shouldn't be a problem now, though! Anyway, sometimes Fluttershy and I like to cuddle together. Often Rarity, too! Sometimes AJ, even, but not so much Dashie. She gets creeped out way too easy," said Pinkie Pie. "But I've cuddled with her privately, and AJ and Flutters have too. Someday we'll ease her into group snuggles."

"You're all, you're... wait. Is this, like, sex, or something? How come I've never heard of this Pony Pile thing before?" I asked, incredulous.

"Oh, it's not sex. I mean, it can be, but usually it's just cuddles, which are super-duper amazing if you've never had them! It's just friends being all warm and close and together and it's perfect! We were going to invite you too, but we needed to be careful about it because, you know—we didn't want to scare you away. I mean, you remember what you used to be like a week ago, right?" she asked.

I sighed. "Wow. Well, that's just great," I said, heavy on the sarcasm. "I don't know how I'm supposed to assess all the possibilities we're facing if I never even knew my friends in the first place," I said, sniffling a bit. Spike hugged me. Pinkie Pie looked like she really wanted to hug me, but was holding back with all her might.

"Twilight, you do know your friends really well!" Pinkie insisted. "Pony Piles are a lot of fun, but they don't make us different ponies; we're still the same ponies you've always known and loved. Anyway, this time it was just Fluttershy and me in the Pony Pile. And she was being super-duper affectionate this time!" Pinkie grinned. "Apart from all the necking and the rubbing and the preening and the booping, she wanted to know if I could keep a secret, and I'm like, well duh! And then she wanted to know if I'd be willing to add Big Mac to the Pony Pile, and I'm like, well double-duh! And then she asked if I wanted to be a vampony..."

"She asked you if you wanted to be a vampony. Just like that," I said, flatly.

"Um, Twilight? I think Fluttershy has met Pinkie Pie before," said Spike.

"Right. Makes sense," I said, rolling my eyes. "Hold on a moment, I want to write all this down as we go."

We paused for a moment while I wrote everything up to this point in the journal, at which point I will tell (will have told?) Pinkie to continue. Whatever.

"Okay," Pinkie continued. "She asks if I want to be a vampony, and I'm like, well triple-duh! And then she grins and I can see her fangs and they're so super-adorable-cuteastic! But she wants to wait until Mac is with us, so we go see him that night and... well, there's a bunch of details at this point. Do you want all the details? It might take a while."

"Can we skip the, um, sexual descriptions?" I asked.

"Awww, but those are the best parts!" she pouted. "Okay, fine. So the three of us were right there in the barn together, writhing and moaning," she continued.

"Pinkie! Just... please skip to the dialogue, or anything super-bizarre, like vampony stuff," I asked.

"Oh! Okay. Um, let's see. Fluttershy and Big Macintosh pinned me down and while they were doing really wonderful things that would be awesomazing to describe but you don't want details about, they got me really really close to Super Happy Fun Pinkie Pie Explosion Time, and that's when they both bit deep into the that part of your back where it meets your neck on the side while all three of my fun parts were totally occupied and it sent me way over the edge and I exploded like eleventy times in a row! It was soooooo gooood," said Pinkie, drooling a bit out of one side of her muzzle. "And they drank some of my blood, and kissed and licked the wounds, and I drank a little bit of my own blood, and Fluttershy bit me on my tongue too while Big Macintosh went straight for my teats—"

"Okay, I get the idea," I said, wincing. "But after all the sex, and the biting?"

"Well, Fluttershy told me some of the details about the Order of Spring, and she said she wanted to make all of our friends into vamponies which made perfect sense of course," said Pinkie Pie. "They wanted me to look at this brain-scrambling stone thingie too, but we decided to turn Rarity first, so she could make some nice boxes to hold the stone thingies so we could do it more like a big, sexy ceremony which would be way funner."

My face must have blanched at that. "Pinkie, listen carefully, because this is very important. Have you done the brain-scrambling thing?"

Pinkie Pie shook her head. "Nope! Not yet, anyway. I mean, after turning Rarity, I came up with the idea of being a double-agent because she figured you'd be a lot harder to turn, and boy was she right! So I thought that the less magicy stuff I had in my brain, the harder it would be for you to detect something was weird," she explained. "But then I sort-of became a triple-agent, and the others already know I'm keeping some stuff I heard from you in confidence and that I have some way of communicating with you and Spike. So Rarity says I'm not allowed to hear any of the current planning stuff until I do the brain thing. But now that you're back, I can finally do the brain thing!" said Pinkie, grinning excitedly.

"Oh no, Pinkie," said Spike, shaking his head. "Please don't..."

"Pinkie, no!" I said. "The brain thing must be what causes the takeover, or whatever is changing their personalities and allegiances—I mean, it just fits. The vampony stuff weakens your resolve, and then that brain thing makes you into some kind of zombie..."

"Um, Twilight? I hate to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't do much," said Pinkie Pie. "Maybe not anything, even! I watched Rarity's conversion and I helped out even and it was super fun and sexy, but it didn't seem to really change anything. She was totally on board before the brain thing."

I facehoofed. "Pinkie, listen to me. According to all available data, you're the only vampony with any sense left in her. Now, maybe not a lot of sense..." I said.

"Well gee thanks, Twilight." Pinkie did not look amused, which is a pretty bad sign for her.

"Okay, sorry. But you have to admit, a song about raping foals—"

"It's not rape!" she exclaimed.

"Okay! A song about sex with foals, or whatever the hell that was, is not socially acceptable! If you sang that in public you could end up in prison! Do you think the Cakes would ever let you work for them again? Pinkie Pie, I'm scared to death I'm going to lose you forever for something stupid, and and in all likelihood not something you intended to be hurtful to anypony... and now you want to let these crazy ponies destroy a part of your brain?!" I sobbed. (Yeah, I was crying again. I really wish I could throw these stupid emotions off a bucking cliff.)

This time Pinkie did hug me, and I hugged her right back. "Please don't let me lose you too, Pinkie," I said. "Please. I wouldn't be able to handle it."

Pinkie pulled back from the hug and looked me right in the eyes. "Twilight. I totally Pinkie Pie Swear that I will always be on your side, cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," she said.

I took a moment to compose myself. "Look, I believe you, Pinkie. But you think Rarity is on my side. And for all I know, you think my brother is too!" I said. "Saying you're on my side doesn't really mean very much right now."

Pinkie put a hoof over her mouth in a failed attempt to muffle a gasp.

"Sorry, I don't mean it like that. I just mean—how is being on my side any different from what my brother is trying to do to me? It really sounds like you want me to be a vampony just like everypony else, Pinkie," I explained. "Whether you think it's for my own good isn't really the issue."

Pinkie Pie sighed and frowned. "Yes, I think you should be a vampony, Twilight. It's amazingly awesome and fun, and it will really, really help you with all the problems you have with sex," she said. "But I don't think anypony should be forcing you to be a vampony. That's what started this mess in the first place, and I think the others realize that now. You're too powerful, too confused, and too stubborn. Mostly too powerful. I tried to tell our friends it was a bad idea from the very start, but they thought they could make you listen to reason; or failing that, the call of the Order itself."

"Okay. Let's jump right to the big questions. What did Fluttershy tell you about the Order, and what have you learned about it so far?" I asked. "Why is this happening?"

"I don't know much about the Order of Spring because everypony talks about it like it's something mystical and unknowable, like my Pinkie Sense; maybe it's like, a force of Nature or something? Anyway, Fluttershy never told me exactly what happened between her and the nightwings, and now novampony will tell me because I'm still sharing stuff with you," she revealed. "I mean, I know Luna's nightwings are from an old, old time when things were very different in Canterlot, and once they learned Fluttershy had a way to turn ponies into sexier ponies a lot like them, they signed up immediately. At least, two of them did. But that's all I know about them."

"Excuse me," whispered Spike. "Can I ask something?"

"Of course!" said Pinkie Pie.

"I'm guessing you were already like this before you became a, what was it... a darkhoof? I mean, wanting to have sex with everything under Celestia's Sun, and all," he asked, with a remarkably red blush to his cute little cheeks. (Sorry. That isn't meant to be sexy, but Spike is just too adorable even when the world is falling apart, and apparently I can't help noticing it.)

Pinkie pursed her lips in thought. "Hmm. Yep! I think so," she said, and smiled.

"So we still don't really know why Fluttershy and Rarity and Shining Armor and Cadance changed into whatever they are now. I mean, their personalities," said Spike.

"Exactly what I'm wondering," I echoed.

"Oh geez," said Pinkie. "I don't really know! I was just so excited that everypony was getting over their personal problems with sex that I figured maybe it was just really super good luck!" she said. "But isn't being horny all the time enough to make ponies act like that?"

Just then, something clicked.

"Wait a minute. You said Big Macintosh bit you. That means he's a vampony, too?" I asked.

"Sure! He's a darkhoof just like me," she said.

"But... I thought this was something being done specifically to mares. My brother didn't chop his horn off. He was pretty much running the show. Same thing for Big Macintosh... So is it just that with vamponies, stallions have to be in charge, or something? Why?"

"I dunno, Twilight," Pinkie said. "I mean, it just makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it? We all saw you blush when Flash Sentry grabbed you by the neck," she said, giggling.

And I'm (again) blushing as I write this. Although, I now realize that Flash Sentry may be a vampony, and that's pretty scary. But it's still making me feel really sloppy back there... Eww, gross. I'm sorry, Journal.

I took a moment to, er, adjust myself (eww). "No, Pinkie, it doesn't make sense. Stallions aren't fit to run things, no matter how competent my brother may be. They're constantly... Wait, they're constantly horny; maybe that's it? By weakening mares with sex, they can take our place in governance and—no, that's still really stupid. It still doesn't explain why a stallion would want to run things," I debated out loud.

"Maybe it's a part of their culture?" Spike asked.

"That doesn't explain why Fluttershy and Rarity would suddenly agree to sign up. Ponies don't change cultural values overnight, Spike," I said.

"Ooh! Maybe it's just because it's really fun?" Pinkie offered. (I didn't dignify that one with a response.)

"Well, we still don't know. Bucking daylights, quite literally any vampony other than Pinkie Pie would be able to tell us this!" I said, very frustrated.

Pinkie frowned. "I'm sorry Twilight."

Spike reached out to pet her shoulder. "It's okay, Pinkie. We're not blaming you, it's just an awkward situation. Maybe you could ask Rarity to explain it to you?"

"Not until the brain thing, nope. I asked her once before. The only thing she'll tell me about is all the new fashion accessories, because she can't help but show them off," Pinkie said.

"But why would she cut off her horn? Is it only for sex? That is totally not like Classic Rarity!" I said.

"Classic Rarity?" Spike said, and chuckled. "Sorry. That's kind of funny. It's like she's a side of hay fries or something: she comes in Extra Bitey Rarity, Sex-Crazed Rarity, or Classic type. Heh, I know which one I'd like..."

"Spike!"

"Um, er, I mean, any of them?" he said with a sheepish grin. "I mean, this is still Rarity we're talking about here, cut me some slack Twilight."

"Twilight, that part's okay! Her horn's back," Pinkie Pie revealed.

"WHAT???" I shouted, surprising both of my friends.

"Um, her horn? You know, the one on her forehead? It's back there again, good as new!" said Pinkie.

"Horns don't grow back overnight, Pinkie—although, that would explain people here in Ponyville not thinking she was crazy at the meeting..." I said, beginning to ponder the possibility.

"She had it at the meeting, yep. She didn't have it when she showed up in town before the meeting, but I think only I noticed. Also, it's a little less shiny than normal, but that's probably because she hasn't been hitting the spa..."

"I'll bet you anything it's a fake," said Spike. "Rarity has the fashion know-how to pull it off. Er, to put it on, I mean. Well, probably both."

"Horse apples! They're going for deep cover. Nopony knows about Rarity's horn, Cheerilee is teaching again, and she probably has an excuse for her teats..." I said.

"Oh! Oh! But she's not foaling—" Pinkie started.

"Pinkie, I already told her the joke," groaned Spike.

"Awww! But did she laugh?"

"Heh, yeah. She actually did a little," he admitted.

"Yessss!" said Pinkie, with a hoof-pump. I almost laughed again, but held it back.

"ANYway, we're in a bit of a bind now. We can pump Pinkie for information..."

"Woohoo!" exclaimed Pinkie. Spike rolled his eyes.

"...but the information Pinkie has is pretty limited. We don't know much about what becoming a vampony does to you, because Pinkie was always, um, let's just say colorful."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," she admitted.

"Meanwhile, Celestia has essentially ordered me to keep my mouth shut until I hear back from her, so the game just got a lot more political in nature," I said. "You know, I'm almost tempted to announce my arrival back in town and tell everypony I'm feeling better from however crazy she told them I'd been acting. I could probably keep myself safe if I have an alarm spell up at all times."

"I don't know Twilight," said Spike, nervously. "I reeeeeally think keeping our hoof hidden is a good idea for now."

"I agree, Spike. But eventually it will be an option," I replied. "For right now we'll lay low, since I still have a bunch of stuff I need to do in the library. I need to find a way to recover the missing memories from yesterday, and maybe Pinkie can tell me what happened the time I blanked my own memory—which I'm still not sure why I did. But first and foremost, I need to work that spell into a total cure, and one that works on other ponies as well as myself."

"That wouldn't be very nice, Twilight," said a frowning Pinkie Pie. "I mean, if we like being vamponies, and all."

"Okay, fine! You can be a vampony, Pinkie, but we need this situation under control. Anything that returns my friends to their senses is at the top of the option list. And I need to cure myself of this thing, first and foremost," I explained.

"Why?" asked Pinkie, cocking her head curiously to one side.

"Because..." I said, then paused. "Wait. Pinkie, what happens once you become a vampony, like, all the way? Is it different? I have to imagine the sex cravings drop down again, because they're driving me mad right now—nopony could possibly deal with this constantly," I reasoned.

"A little, but not that much! I'm constantly horny, but I was always pretty horny before. Not as much as a stallion. Maybe I'm on par with being a stallion now, though?" she said.

"Pinkie Pie," I said with a chuckle, "there is NO way it could be this bad for stallions."

"If you say so Twilight, but I don't think it gets much easier after you become a vampony all the way. In some ways it's actually harder, unless you block the strong transformations," she explained.

"You mean when your, um, your fangs come out, it's harder?" I asked.

Pinkie shook her head. "Oh, no! I mean, the simple transformations make things harder too, I guess. Because all your senses improve a whole bunch, especially your sense of smell. Transforming makes them stronger, but they're always really good. I mean, I can tell how horny you and Spike are right now, and even what you ate two days ago!" she bragged. "And I can hear your sexy heartbeats, too."

Yeah, I'm pretty sure mine just skipped one.

"But," she continued, "there's a lot more to it than the ears and the fur and the fangs and the senses. I want to show you, but, I figured we should wait until you've recovered a lot because it's pretty freaky. I mean, even I think it's freaky."

"Just tell me," I said, trying to hide my fear. ('Pretty freaky' is not something I ever wanted to hear come out of Pinkie Pie's mouth.)

"Well, you've seen a nightwing's wings, right? And bloodhorn ponies like Rarity—oh! We all met a bloodhorn pony once Twi! You know, that nasty Sombrero guy!" she smiled.

"Wait, are you telling me King Sombra was a vampony?!"

"Sure was! A unicorn vampony gets that deep red glowy color to their horn, and it curves out like a big, smooth flugelhorn!" she told us. "Actually, that one's kind of neat more than scary, but it also sharpens a lot faster so you need to file it down a little more often."

"Um," Spike interjected, "Pinkie, was Nightmare Moon a vampony too?"

"Great question, Spike!" I said, rubbing him on the top of his head.

"No, I don't think so. She was more a manifestation of that nasty moon cloud thingie, and I think it just gave her fangs and stuff to look scary. A real voidmare probably looks like a combination of all three, though Cadance is technically only a nightblood..."

"Pinkie, I honestly want to know, even if it's freaky. What happens when a darkhoof transforms? Will you show us?" I asked.

Pinkie Pie looked nervous. "Guys, I really think we should save that until later. Besides, I haven't told you anything about what Twilight forgot, and it's kind of important!"

I shrugged expectantly.

"Wait right here!" she said, and ran upstairs.

"What do you suppose that's about?" asked Spike.

"Ugh. I feel like I'm making a deal with Discord," I complained.

"I heard that!" Pinkie Pie chastised me from upstairs. (Great. With her super senses, now I can't hide anything from her.)

A few seconds later, a huge mess of pillows and blankets tumbled down the stairs with Pinkie Pie riding them. She quickly arranged them into a pile near our feet, threw Spike into the pile, and pulled me down into it with her.

"Pinkie, what are you doing?" Spike asked.

"Pony Pile!" She smiled merrily, clearly quite pleased with herself.

"Pinkie, this is not the time—" I said, blushing. I was already feeling something strange and worrisome.

"No, Twilight. This IS the time. You need to relax, and like I said, you need to remember what happened. Since you can't remember, we have to make the memories again! A Pony Pile is the most comfortable way to do it," she said. "So put your silly book down that you keep writing words in... wait, you're writing what I'm saying right now aren't you?" she accused with a peeved look on her muzzle.

"Maybe," I said, and I wrote this sentence in my journal. (Like I'm going to apologize for being thorough!)

"Put it down and I'll teach you both something new. Okay?" she asked.

I'm putting it down, but I don't like it. I'll continue this entry below as soon as Pinkie lets me back up.

.Day 49 (Pinkie's Secret) (Part 2 of 3)

I'm still in the Pony Pile. I'm taking a break while I get caught up here, and in the meantime, Pinkie and Spike are, um... I'll get to that later.

So there we were, lying together on the pillows and blankets Pinkie brought from the upstairs area. Pinkie Pie cuddled up close against me, and then she pulled Spike on top of both of us. Spike was blushing fiercely. I had mixed feelings about the whole thing, but I decided I might as well try to enjoy myself. If Pinkie were to be believed, this is something that my friends did on occasion, so it couldn't be that bad...

"Okay!" said Pinkie. "Now after we met up at the tree, we headed off into the hills just northeast of Sweet Apple Acres while I explained stuff to you, and you told me all about your experiences with Cheerilee," she continued, gently caressing my cheek with one hoof and my barrel with another, which felt really nice despite the creepiness.

I should mention that, almost immediately, I was enjoying this a lot more than I thought I would. Not only sexually, but interpersonally: it feels amazing to be this close to somepony, especially a good friend like Pinkie Pie. And Spike too, sure. I'm surprised to admit it, but I think I would totally be down with a Pony Pile in a non-life-threatening situation. Maybe this is something I could actually be comfortable doing someday, when I'm not battling the forces of darkness or whatever. I mean, I could probably do without all the sexual tension, even though it feels... well, nice. Very nice. I don't like how nice it feels.

Pinkie continued her story. "You were pretty shaken up, Twilight. I felt super bad for you! Once we got over a couple of hills, we sat down and I hugged you and you were crying a little," she said, holding me closer with a gentle squeeze from the crook of her leg. "You told me that Cheerilee kissed you on the lips and that it was the first sexy-kiss you'd ever had and you were really ashamed about that, but I told you that was silly, and you shouldn't let something like 'who kissed you first' define who you are as a pony! So then I did this," she concluded, and smiled as our noses touched, muzzle to muzzle.

I knew it was coming. My heart was pounding in my chest, and as much as I didn't want what was happening to be either sexual or romantic, it was both. My eyes just stared into the bottomless wells of her soft, cerulean irises, and everything in me gave up all in one go. This is exactly what Applejack wanted to avoid, even though a big part of each of us wanted it to happen. She was afraid of two desperate ponies falling prematurely in love. Pinkie seemed to have no such fear, and I wasn't strong enough to fight it this time. So I just lay there beneath her, waiting for her to take whatever she wanted—anything at all, lest I undersell how personal this, this thing was—from me.

It felt like Pinkie was on top of me, holding me down, even though we were just hugging adjacent to one another. Spike quietly rested atop us, observing. Part of me was twitching, something inside my vagina? No. It was something outside my vagina, at the top of my vulva, just within the labia. It must have been my clitoris, because the feeling was like nothing I've had before and from what I've read the clitoris is the most sensitive part of the pony body. For about ten seconds I shivered in place. I think I may have been having little mini-orgasms or something. I just felt the pleasure up inside me in that "different place" and I couldn't stop it from going supercritical. It was like I had a tiny, thick little rod of pure magical energy jammed right into my body, somewhere up above my vagina, and everything around this imaginary lump would sing like Celestia's choir each time it throbbed inside me. And of course, my vagina, maybe I should say "cunt" but even now that seems too crass, so maybe, what did Cheerilee call it... pussy? Whatever you call it, it was drooling warm, wet, dribbling stallion-lubricating fluids onto the pillows and sheets, the wetness thick with pheromones that were affecting me and Pinkie Pie and maybe even Spike even though he's not technically a pony.

And that was just from looking into her eyes. My Stars. How do you fight something like this? Can you? Should you? The point I'm trying to make is that I didn't let go because it was a good idea; I let go because I had no other choice. I actually resolved I'd do whatever Pinkie Pie wanted me to do, which fortunately did not include betraying my friends or giving myself to my brother, but I'm afraid I probably would have. I was placing an incredible amount of trust in one pony, and the scariest part is that the fact she had control over whether or not everything fell to shit made me even hornier. It was insanity.

Pinkie must have noticed my internal struggles, the look in my eyes, maybe the love or the lust or both of them. I'm sure she smelled exactly how I felt, because I'm not a vampony (yet, anyway) and my own scent was overwhelming to me. She probably knew I was throbbing and unable to control my feelings, and she probably thought I was really, really confused. I guess I was, to be fair. I guess I am.

So she spoke to me. "It's okay, Twilight! You can enjoy yourself. I give you permission," she whispered with an enormous grin on her muzzle. For a moment, her words just hung echoing in the air above me, almost like one of Spike's comic books (not literally, of course, just in my mind). I felt like she was giving me permission...

No. It was more than that.

What Pinkie said was not the joke it appeared to be. I needed her permission to enjoy myself. And that's not all, either: I wanted her permission! Did I want her to take away my permission to enjoy myself, and then give it back to me? Dear Princess Celestia, that's it: that is precisely what I wanted! I wanted Flash Sentry to do the same thing, I'm sure of it, that's what this feeling is. I want to need permission to feel things! What the hell does that even mean? Clearly, this was, and is, completely bucking insane. Yet the more I was learning about my own motivations, the better the feeling got. I was pleasured to understand this sick thing about myself, to finally have admitted it. Somepony please stop me because I want more of this. I want it so badly it physically hurts inside, and even the hurting is somehow pleasurable.

Anyway, that's what I was going through, and of course I was shocked and confused and parts of me were spasming, and that's when she kissed me. She turned her head just a tiny bit to the side so our muzzles were off-kilter ever-so-slightly, and she pressed her lips to mine: hers, gentle and firm; mine, soft and trembling. I saw her batting her eyes at me as my own eyes fluttered closed, and I reached around to hug her to me, and I let her into my heart.

If this is what she did to me after my encounter at the barn, then wow. I can totally forgive Cheerilee for the stolen kisses, because this was just amazing. This is probably what Cheerilee was trying to do. But this time, instead of horrible it was wonderful, because it was something I really wanted, and I knew I wanted it. This was very different from the barn. I mean, it's still not really consensual, so maybe I didn't say I wanted it, and maybe Pinkie took advantage of me but she let me give in at some level and all I can think about now is that first kiss she gave me less than twenty minutes ago (that's a wild guess—I've lost track of time completely). I guess I must be some kind of lesbian or bisexual or whatever, but this pretty pink mare turns me on so much I can't even accurately describe what is happening to my body anymore.

I still feel guilty with respect to Applejack but I think that's probably a silly thing to feel at the moment, and I'm sure AJ would agree that it's silly (and Pinkie certainly would). Still, I keep wondering what would have happened if Applejack and I had kissed in that bed. I probably wouldn't have escaped the Crystal Empire. I'd probably be fucking my brother and my mother and father and Flash Sentry right now, maybe we'd all be doomed and I'd have Celestia's horn ramming deep into some part of me, hell maybe even Spike (might as well throw all sense to the wind and be a total pervert, right?) as they yank and tug my holes open like a used old sock. Dear Sun that is so fucking filthy I can't believe I just thought it up. Why is this turning me on???

Oh great. I think I just came again (should it be cummed?... came doesn't sound right). Pinkie and Spike are giggling at me. Pinkie says I make really cute sounds when I cum, and of course, that just makes me blush.

All this, and I haven't even started describing what we did.

This is taking way too long. Okay, I'm going to stop describing what's happening to my body from writing this entry, while I'm writing this entry, or else I'll be stuck in a slutty recursive loop forever which is probably not anywhere near as much fun as it sounds.

Okay. Pinkie Pie kissed me (there, that's the short version). Then she kissed me again, and again, and again, each time her lips against mine, lingering a little longer with each kiss. My lips kept quivering back against hers, but I did my best to relax and give in as much as possible, and she took the cue like a pro (which I suppose she is). Her kisses started to push playfully at my lips, down and outward, teasing them open. It seemed weird at first, but I let it happen, and she started to lick against my lips which should have been really disgusting (not to mention highly unsanitary), but it felt wonderful, and somehow I didn't care. I mean, a tongue is a tongue, right? Mine is in my mouth all day long, hers is no different. But it feels different. She slipped it into my mouth and used it like a little hoof, gently caressing mine with hers, and then my rear legs grasped her tightly as I had the third full orgasm of my life, or at least the third one I can remember.

Don't worry, I've stopped counting my orgasms. It's already too confusing to keep track of anymore, plus the missing memories make the accuracy of my counting highly uncertain.

So we kissed for a while or "made out" as it's apparently called, and Spike just watched from inches away. Then Pinkie kissed with Spike, and I didn't feel right watching that because Spike is still too young for this sort of thing (I was kind of powerless to speak after kissing with Pinkie); but of course it was erotic to watch, and on a deeper level it looked like Spike was experiencing the same thing I was in which case it must have been truly wonderful for him. I want him to feel that, even though I know he shouldn't. Spike is a best friend, a little brother, a roommate, the only male I know at all (apart from my corrupted BBBFF and father), and he's probably the pony I've spent more time with than any other pony alive. Why wouldn't I want him to feel this amazing inside? Is it actually that dangerous?

Pinkie withdrew from our last kiss, and a little line of spit dangled between our muzzles for a moment—which is gross, of course, but somehow it was cute at the same time—and then she smiled a really warm smile. I can't remember ever feeling this good in my life. I'm pretty scared thinking about it.

"There. That's not so bad, now is it?" she said, in a gentle and not-Pinkie-perky-at-all tone of voice.

I gasped and shook my head 'no' very gently. This was when I noticed she was rubbing my teats, even though I don't remember when she started doing it. I didn't want her to keep rubbing them, but I didn't want her to stop either, so I said nothing.

"Just one more kiss, okay? This is one we didn't do before," she explained, and positioned Spike in front of my face. Spike blushed like mad, but said nothing.

"Pinkie, no. I can't," I whispered, breaking out of my reverie for a moment. "This is wrong on so many levels."

"I'm okay with it, Twilight," said Spike, "but I don't want you to do it if you're the slightest bit uncomfortable."

"Spike, you and I are practically brother and sister!" I said.

"Yeah, I know. But a couple of years ago I started noticing how pretty you were, and well... I've thought about it," he said. "Besides, we did this once before, and you were fine then."

I took a deep breath and sighed. "I know. I'm sorry for what happened, too, just..."

"You don't need to make it a sexy kiss!" Pinkie interrupted. "Just try a brother-to-sister, gentle, 'I love you and care about you' kiss, right on the lips. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"

"There is when I'm starting to feel things for my baby brother," I whispered, deeply embarrassed. "Alright, just one light kiss, okay?" I relented. Spike smiled, and Pinkie gently guided him to my lips.

The problem: I was in no position to stop things from going any further. It did end up being more than a light kiss, and it lasted maybe half a minute, with just a little bit of licking but nothing too heavy. And yeah, while we were kissing, in my mind I imagined some things that I cannot forgive myself for.

Am... well, am I a pedofoal, Journal? I mean, I know Spike isn't actually a pony (being attracted to a nonpony creature is another horror unto itself to be completely honest), but still, he's a foal in all the ways that matter, and something about being this close to him is turning me on apart from the raw physical need itself.

It must be the vampony infection. There is simply no way this feeling could come from inside Twilight Sparkle. Same thing for Pinkie. I mean, Pinkie Pie wouldn't do this to Spike and I of her own free will, would she? Of course not. It's preposterous.

But there's a huge problem with this theory.

Spike isn't infected.

There are three possibilities, none of them good:

* There's something very wrong with Spike (psychologically). Of course I don't want this to be the case, but it's actually the least terrible of the three possibilities.

* Spike actually IS infected! But he'd have to be lying about it, or somehow unaware. We don't even know if dragons can be infected, so this all seems highly unlikely to me.

* The worst of the worst, but perhaps the most possible: once you've been corrupted by perversion, you remain corrupted—by which I mean naturally corrupted, under normal circumstances. This might be why Celestia has censored information, and if so, I'm not sure if I disagree fully. I mean like, being exposed to incest repeatedly can make you incestuous, even without the infection. This would imply that I'm a pedofoal now, and while we might be able to save Equestria, all of my close friends and family are essentially doomed.

There's nothing to be done about it now. I'm just going to hope there's something wrong (and fixable) with Spike.

Anyway, after the very wrong kiss, Pinkie showed me how to masturbate properly. She showed me a few different ways. I'll spare you on the gory details, Journal, but at least I'll mention the basics.

All of the methods rely on imagination (not to toot my own horn, but this is something I am very good at as a practiced mage), hygiene (same here), and "foreplay". That last thing means building up slowly to a climax (not always an orgasm, but that's a straightforward goal), kind of like a how a good book uses foreshadowing to set the mood. Foreplay can involve lighting, foreshadowing, and whatever makes you comfortable. In the context of solo masturbation, it might include an imaginative backstory, or just a slow approach.

The first method, sometimes called "clopping", involves clitoral stimulation. This is the one Applejack taught me how to do, so not much more needs be said here apart from the fact that it works, and it works really well.

The second method is called "hoofing" and it's exactly what it sounds like: hoof into vagina. I can't do this one because I still have my hymen (which Pinkie calls a "cherry"—does Applejack call it an apple, I wonder?).

The third method is only for experts. Basically you try to cum without touching yourself at all, or at least not your vulva. Pinkie tried to teach me these kegel exercises, but I already knew about them because I used them as part of my stretching routine for the running of the leaves last year. (It's hard to believe it's almost that time of year again!) I didn't try this one much because it was frustrating and we don't really have time for things like this at the moment.

Apparently, reaching a climax involves something of a paradox. According to Fluttershy, and backed up by Pinkie Pie, arousal requires activation of the sympathetic nervous system but climax requires a rapid shift into the parasympathetic nervous system. This means you have to be able to mentally relax, or you can't orgasm or even enjoy sex much. I'll bet this fact explains why so many fetishes seem to develop around sex, as well as my, um, "interest" in being told what to do and feel. I have to admit, it's very comforting to put a scientific explanation on all of this madness.

After all this we had a normal conversation. Pinkie was casually rubbing both Spike and I, and I was so exhausted from the sex I didn't mind at all (it didn't seem like sex, just cuddling I suppose). Pinkie wanted to show me "oral sex" which is undoubtedly just more kissing, but I passed because we're really short on time and Pony Pile or no Pony Pile we have work to do.

Er, wait. There was another conversation we had first which was far from normal. I should probably mention it first. While Pinkie and I were masturbating, Spike was watching and he became, well, horny. If you can say that about a dragon, much less an eleven-year-old dragon. Anyway, once we were done, I found myself staring at his "thing". He tried really hard to avoid touching it, which was a good thing, but it was pretty fascinating, partly because he has two of them, conjoined in a way.

"Isn't it adorable?" asked Pinkie Pie, which snapped me out of my inappropriate staring contest with a preadolescent dragon boner (Pinkie has mentioned that as a name for an erection, if I haven't already written).

"Ohmygosh! Spike, I'm sorry—I didn't even realize," I said.

"It's okay," said Spike, blushing but grinning. (Ugh, I think I was inflating his little ego more than his penis.)

"I'm just surprised you have, well, two of them. It makes sense, though. Dragons are sort of reptilian, and reptile penises evolved from the rear legs rather than the tail," I explained, trying to turn things clinical.

"I know! It's soooooo cool. Wait," said Pinkie Pie. "How could you be surprised? You saw us when we were in the hills..."

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't looking at it!" I said. "I mean, I tried really hard, even though I was too fatigued to realize what we were doing was wrong..."

"Not this again," groaned Spike.

"Arrrrgh. Fine, whatever. I didn't get a good look at it until now," I explained. "I don't know much about reptile husbandry, so I'd have to ask Fluttershy for more details."

"You want Spike to be your husband?" gasped Pinkie Pie. She looked ecstatic.

"NO," I said. "Husbandry refers to breeding of beasts, like reptiles. Like, I don't know how it works for urination or ejaculation or anything like that."

"Well, I only pee out of the left one," explained Spike. "I don't know about the jackal-ating thing, though. I haven't done that, from what Pinkie tells me, anyway."

"Okay! That is more than enough detail for Twilight Sparkle, moving right along," I said. I'm pretty sure I was blushing profusely.

Now comes the serious conversation.

"Alright, time for some questions, Pinkie. Nightwings are pegasus vamponies, just like Flutterbat, right?" I asked.

"Yes," said Pinkie. "Though Luna's guard were um, 'departured' nightwings or something? I forget what Fluttershy called them. It was a spell Luna used to tame them. They weren't infectious that way, and they didn't act like beasts like Flutterbat. Apparently they could still change forms to look like normal pegasi, but they prefer always staying in bat form."

"Probably 'denatured nightwing'. Wait: are you saying that in full vampony form, a normal nightwing pony becomes some kind of beast like Flutterbat?" I asked.

"Only at first, from what Rarity tells me," said Pinkie. "Once somepony has been a vampony long enough, they can control the horny feelings and think straight. I haven't had enough practice to do it yet, because I've been staying out of darkhoof form. I think the only ponies who have had that much practice are Luna's night guard, and maybe Fluttershy, but probably not her either."

"So our friends aren't transforming in private, either?" asked Spike.

"Nope! Except maybe if they're like tied down or something and it's kinky. But my intel on that is pretty old," admitted Pinkie. "Partial transformations are common, though, especially the fangs and ears and eyes. We have enhanced senses at all times, but the transformation enhances them even more. But you can't transform the wings until everything else is transformed, and the same is true for the other kinds of vampony."

"What does a bloodhorn look like? I'd rather not wait to find out for myself," I said, heavy on the sarcasm.

"Pretty much like King Sombra," said Pinkie. "Fangs, fuzzy ears, red eyes, and the horn turns blood red and smooth and it curves like a sickle. Not pointy, unless you sharpen it, which would be rude. Oh, and Rarity says the horn changes shape even when it's cut off, if the pony it came from transforms all the way. Which is pretty useful! Rarity says she had Big Mac tie her down and shove her horn up her own..."

"Pinkie!" I shouted. "Try to tune down the details a little in front of Spike. And in front of me, for that matter."

"Fine, fine," she said. "You get the point, though. Anyway, Rarity transformed after tab A was in slot B, and apparently it felt really good..."

"That is terrifying," said Spike, whose erection had finally withdrawn back to his genital slit.

"Hmm. Well I guess it's easy for the vamponies to keep from transforming, then," I said.

"Not really! It's kind of hard not to transform, actually. There are different things we have to do. Big Mac uses some kind of pretty purple flower, maybe lilacs?" she said. "It wasn't lilacs, but it was definitely purple. Rarity used to give me them until she found out I was a double-and-a-half agent..."

"I didn't see any flowers on him when he assaulted me," I said. "I assume you ingest it?"

"Nope! You just have to wear it on you. Mac pins it to his scruff, deep inside his mane where you can't see it."

"Weird. I need to do some research here, and ask Zecora if she can identify the flower. Or you could ask her," I said. "I'm kind of surprised you haven't thought of that, Pinkie, if it's hard to keep the vampony from coming out."

"Nah, there are other ways. Oh! That reminds me, you wanted to know about darkhooves, yes?" she said. "It's kind of hard to explain, so it's probably better I just show you..."

"When you show us I'll want to take notes, so can you two relax here for a moment while I get caught up on the Journal?" I asked.

"Oh we can totally chillax, right Spike?" Pinkie Pie said, and winked at him.

Yeah, that actually happened.

So I'm caught up now, and Pinkie and Spike are done making out (I swear if Pinkie weren't a vampony I would have knocked her unconscious by now). Spike is resting back on the cushions at a safe distance. Pinkie is standing up on the wooden flooring, and I'm squatting next to her since she said the hooves are what changes for a darkhoof. She's already let the ears and eyes and fangs take her.

I'm taking off her front left shoe, and holy Celestia. Okay. Her hoof just cleaved in tierce: two digits in the front and one in the back. Now it's splitting up the leg about six or seven inches; I'm getting a ruler. I can hear her bone cracking on the inside, and Pinkie is moaning in pleasure, and there's a red fluid coming out of the base, like blood but a lighter color and more viscous. Pinkie says not to touc__/^

Okay, that was weird. I just had to pull her freakish hoof off of my muzzle. Pinkie claims it has a mind of its own. It keeps trying to grab the ruler so I'll need to estimate by eye. Fortunately none of the hoofgoo (just what I'm calling it for now) got on me, because Pinkie says that would be bad, and I'm not about to experiment with "bad" at the moment. Her hoof is split into three long sections, and each of the three sections contains a series of "knuckles". The topmost one swings outward, and the rest swing inward. It looks like I can see into the bone marrow underneath because it splits into the bone itself, but there's a thin sheen protecting the marrow and outer bone, apparently. Probably a magic field? According to Pinkie, it doesn't hurt at all, and in fact feels good. Each of the three hoofoids (okay that's a really dumb word, but it works for now) has four knuckles in parallel. The lowest knuckle is actually part of the hoof, and maybe less than an inch from the frog, while the knuckles themselves are spaced evenly up the leg a little less than two inches between each knuckle and the next one up. The entire hoofoid is highly flexible as a result, and Pinkie's hoofoids are alternating between straightening to press against the flooring, and curling up and nervously tapping anything nearby (I've since pulled my muzzle and hoof back by a foot).

I'm going to take off the rear left shoe, but Pinkie is mumbling something about the shoes not being designed to hobble her but to prote—-

It's been about an hour since the last interruption. I have managed to scrape Pinkie Pie's cackling body off of the second-storey ceiling, and I've been able to put her to sleep with sedatives. Magic spells had no effect (I didn't try dark magic, however). She should be safely down until I can bring her back to normal, but I'm only pausing to write this briefly because I don't want to chance things, even though I've dosed her with enough horse tranquilizer to down a clyde twice Mac's size.

I had totally forgotten about the vampony tongue, but after being hit with it in multiple spots on my body, I never will again. Spike has come out from hiding under my bed. It's hard getting her shoes back on, as the hoofoids resist coming back together slightly even when she's unconscious. Spike says that when Pinkie took off her suit, she did it one leg at a time so she never had more than one shoe off. Oh bloody hell

Alright, now Spike has been subdued as well. Cutaneous contact with the hoofgoo induced a temporary involuntary transformation. This suggests that dragons might be infectable, which is not a good thing. My response to the transformation was so rapid I didn't have much time to note the changes; the moment I knocked Spike out, his body began reverting to normal (he seems fine now). Spike had the teeth and the eyes and the tongue, and he grew two blunt stubby horns, and the shape of his tail changed to something rounder and longer, but again I didn't wait to see where this was headed. Oddly, he didn't seem to get any larger or more threatening, but he did start to lose his mind.

I've destroyed most of the hoofgoo sample (fire works quite well for this purpose) and placed a small portion of it into stasis for later testing.

Pinkie Pie has been returned to her normal (i.e. non-darkhoof) form, but I think I'll wait for Pinkie and Spike to sleep for a bit longer before I wake them up.

Observations. "Vampinkie" is extremely dexterous, and extremely strong. She's like an earth pony on steroids. Anything she can touch she can manipulate with excellent precision, and this is not only the doing of the hoofoids. Her manumancy is off the charts: she was picking up books from half a foot away (and then launching them at my head). When bestial, she retains her sense of humor but it becomes very odd and primitive, and she's a lot more violent. I don't think she was actually trying to injure me, though. Her responses only became violent when I used a shield to prevent her from making physical contact with me, and even then they weren't deadly.

Her collar and shoes and earrings all bear Big Macintosh's secret mark. I'll need to talk to her about this.

Also, it took me a while to notice this, but before I got her shoes on all the way I noticed that her cutie mark had changed (it has since changed back). It was such a subtle change I didn't notice it at first. It still looked like the three balloons she normally has, except the bevel at the bottom of each balloon was missing and the strings were much, much longer and wrapped into tight coils. I have no idea what it means, but I'll leave a little bit of space here in case I figure it out later. Once all four shoes were on, her entire body reverted to normal form, including the cutie mark.

I'm taking a bathroom break, then getting a snack. Then I'll wake up my creepy friends and continue our discussion.

Princess Celestia, please save us.

Update. It's almost certainly horse sperm (confirmed by encyclopedia).

.Day 49 (Pinkie's Secret) (Part 3 of 3)

I made a charcoal-like stick out of some of my magic ink. It's not quite translucent until it draws and rests, but it's still very difficult to draw with. I decided it would be better to draw this way than to use the ink directly, because ink is such an unforgiving medium. Now that I've actually experimented with the stick, I'm not so sure, but I'm committed at this point.

I'm pretty sure these sketches are going to suck. I've got the point sharpened but I'm going to need to resharpen it as I draw... Ugh. I wish I had Rarity's drawing skills at a time like this, but this is the best I can do.

Pretty self-explanatory, I think. Although it's obvious, I'll mention here that "FET." is short for "FETLOCK" and "EXT." in both places is short for "EXTERIOR".

Also, I'm not doing this thing justice. I exaggerated the knuckle-ness of the external knuckles in order to illustrate where they are, but in actuality the thing isn't bumpy like this at all. The segments are skinny and the bends are sharp. What I've drawn looks more natural or biological than the hoofoids actually are. In pony they look less organic and more, um... mechanical?

Alright, I'm going to wake them both up, then I'll continue this entry later tonight.

I'm writing all of this while Pinkie Pie fetches Zecora. I'll add an addendum after she gets here.

I woke Spike first to talk to him.

"You okay buddy?" I said, gently cradling his back.

"Ugh, my head. Yeah, I'm fine. What happ—oh. Oh geez," he said, blushing.

"You remember anything?" I asked him.

"Everything. It was crazy, Twilight. It was like this giant rush of power. I felt the goo touch my heel, and then there was a sharp stinging sensation. A few seconds later I was... well, I don't know how to put it. I guess I was horny, but I've never felt anything that strong before," he said. "I felt my forehead and my tail swelling, and I started acting on instinct. I think I wanted to do something to you. I'm kind of scared... Twilight, is this what it feels like to be an adult?"

I shook my head. "I don't know much about adult male dragons, Spike, but I doubt it," I said, trying to reassure him. "Nothing about that experience you just had was normal. Even when a stallion is really horny, he has control over his actions and can think straight. I presume the same is true for dragons."

"Okay. It looks like Pinkie's back to normal," he commented. "Is all the goo stuff gone?"

"Yeah, I burned all the hoofgoo away, except for a small sample. It'll take a while to clean up all the hoofprints and hoofoidprints and scorch marks from the ceiling," I said. "I think Pinkie's fine, but there's so much horse tranq in her we might have a problem. I'm going to need to perform a time acceleration spell on her so she'll be able to wake up."

"Twilight, do you really think that's a good idea?" Spike cautioned, eyeing Pinkie's slumbering form.

"I'm sure she's fine now that her hooves are back to normal. I don't want to go to sleep before I wake her, and it's late already, so we'd best get this over with," I said.

So I cast the time-passing spell several times. I did about two hours with the first spell, then backed off to shorter intervals. After approximately six hours of fast-forwarding, I noticed the rhythm in her breathing returning to normal.

"Hay, Pinkie. You okay?" I asked, lifting her up with my forelegs. Spike decided to hang out in the kitchen. (Can't say as I blame him.)

Pinkie Pie yawned and smacked her lips together dryly. She coughed a few times before she was finally able to speak. "Oh wow. Gee Twilight I'm really sorry," she said groggily. "I'm not used to the darkhoof form! I only did it once before when I was tied down. It was a lot of fun, but in retro—ow, my noodle."

"Yeah, you'll need to take it easy for a while. For some reason my magic wasn't having any effect on you, so I had to resort to something drastic. Fortunately Fluttershy left a large animal care kit with me before she headed to the Crystal Empire, and it had a lot of sedation darts," I explained.

"How many?" she asked.

"All of them. Enough to take down roughly eleven-and-a-quarter average-sized brown bears. Even for an earth pony of your mass, I'm kind of surprised you're alive. Don't get me wrong, if you had stopped breathing, I'd have teleported us both to Ponyville General; but that would have required a lot of explaining afterwards. I didn't try to overdo it, either. There were no apparent effects until the next-to-last dart," I said.

"Thanks Twilight," said Pinkie Pie, "I can always count on you." She hugged me and sniffled. Privately, journal (as though I have any privacy left, ha) I felt kind of bad for launching the last dart, but it was all instinct at that point.

"Yeah, no problem. Anyway, I used a time spell to accelerate the poison out of your system, so it's been less than an hour since things went crazy. You should probably go urinate. Um, it might sting a little," I said, grimacing.

"Heh, nothing your Auntie Pinkie hasn't handled before," she half-smiled, rising to her hooves and almost tripping. A minute later there was screaming from the bathroom. It made Spike drop his sandwich, so he had to go back and make another one. (I'm pretty sure it's just for appearances, though. I've cau### him dig########## ###########a########### a b########## # #####ed.)

I hope he never reads this part. I already feel a little guilty. good

We took a break and Spike made more sandwiches. Pinkie ate almost all of them so he had to make her a bunch more. I never realized how many calories she needs in the course of a few hours, but I'm sure part of it is the transformation. It seems to sap a victim of their physical reserves as well as their mental ones.

This implies, of course, that Pinkie Pie has mental reserves. Further observation will be required. (That was a joke. Not the observation part, though.)

"Alright. If you feel well enough to chat, Pinkie, I have a few things left to ask you before we break for the night," I said.

"Sure!" said Pinkie Pie. "I can probably go get Zecora for you now that it's dark, though. It won't take long."

"That's a really good idea, but questions first," I said.

Spike yawned and rested on the pile of cushions adjacent to us. Pinkie returned to the pile to snuggle up with Spike, which I suppose is okay, but I sat on the floor apart from them to concentrate.

"Okay, first question. You have Mac's symbol on your collar and shoes. That means you're one of his slaves or something, right?" I asked.

Pinkie Pie giggled. "I'm a slave? That's kind of sexy!" she said. "I don't think slave is the right word, though. He's my Master, at least for now. I think I might want to end up belonging to Master Cake. Er, I mean Mister Cake. Would that be Master Mister Cake or Mister Master Cake?" she babbled.

"Ugh, Pinkie, Please," I groaned.

"Sorry!" she winced.

"It's okay. Alright, so—can you tell me anything about what it means to have a 'Master'?" I asked.

"I don't know too much. It's fun, though! He tells you what to do, and pulls on your mane, and makes you do sexy things," she said.

"That doesn't sound like fun," I lied.

"Well, I think it's his job to figure out how to make it fun? A Master basically is responsible for taking care of you, you know, like taking care of a pet or maybe the Cake twins, except it's a little bit more sexual than pets and babies are usually," said Pinkie.

I sighed and covered my face in my hooves.

"And he makes you do things," Pinkie continued, "and the more he does it the more you like it until you want him to do it all the time and it's all you can think ab—"

"Pinkie!" I barked. (Spike jerked awake, then relaxed and went back to a half-nap.)

"Oh! S-sorry, I can get a little sidetracked," she giggled. "What was the question again?"

"It was about the Master thing, but I'm going to guess that everything you know is just from sex play with Big Macintosh," I said.

Pinkie Pie nodded. "That, and watching Big Macintosh order Rarity and Fluttershy around. Rarity knows a ton more about it than I do. The materials have something to do with it, I think, but she won't give me details."

"Materials?" I asked.

"You know, the fact that I have copper, you have marble..."

"Oh, right! I'd been meaning to ask you about those."

"All I know is the different types she has so far. Marble is for initiates or not-yet-vamponies or something, and you're one of those. You don't get to lose your marbles until you accept what you've become," she said, and then stared at me with a very wide eyed grin: fangs glistening.

"Holy shit. Pinkie, don't do that," I begged.

"Sorry! It's just so much fun," she pouted. "And besides, you'll be so happy once you lose your marbles! That's what Rarity keeps saying, at least. She also says I should probably still have my marbles in since I haven't done the stone-in-the-box thing yet, but it makes more sense to keep me in copper for now. I'm trying to stay away from Mac, though."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Oh, because I'm pretty sure if I see him, he'll tell me to give him that little piece of my brain, and if he does, of course I'll say yes!" she beamed. "I mean, you know me, Twilight! I can never resist giving other ponies a piece of my mind," she joked.

"Pinkie. Pinkie, no. Please, just no. Let's not even think about that now. The other materials," I urged.

"Right, right. Okay, you still have your marble ones in, and Fluttershy and I have copper. I think copper is maybe the default? Rarity acts like gold and silver are special. Oh, she wears silvers now instead of steel. She said those are a new type, but silvers are temporaries just like marbles and steels are."

"Temporary... hmm. I'm going to postulate that marble becomes any other type, steel becomes copper, and silver becomes gold. Probably wrong, but a working theory. Why would they be temporary, though? Is there anything different about Rarity? Is it the fact that she's a bloodhorn instead of a darkhoof or a nightwing?" I wondered aloud. "No, that can't be it... Mom had coppers, and she must be a bloodhorn."

"Rarity makes all kinds of accessories for each kind of pony," Pinkie said. "I really don't know why she wears silver now. Whenever I ask her, she just tells me to pipe down, then yanks really hard on my mane in a way that makes super-squiffy things happen under my tail!" she giggled.

"Really? You mean, it's like she's a stallion, or something?" I asked.

"Oh, no, Rarity's a mare, Twilight. Didn't you know that?" asked Pinkie Pie, and I rolled my eyes. "Even though she's a mare, Big Macintosh used to tell me to do whatever Rarity says. I think Rarity really likes telling ponies what to do."

"Okay. I think there's too much to go on, here," I mumbled. "It's probably a bad idea to speculate any further. Just let me know if there are any materials I've missed."

"Those are the five basic ones, but I've seen a few more. Two of them are special kinds of stones she uses only for earrings. One is made from opal. Not her cat, though! There's a white stone called opal, which is a lot less gross than making earrings out of a cat. Rarity only made a few of them because she thinks they're going to be super-rare. The other is a black stone called onyx, and she's made tons of those. The black earrings are tiny and round; they're different from all the others, which are flat and a little larger, just like mine. I don't know how she would put the Master mark on the onyx earrings, or how you'd even see it," she said.

"I'm not sure how she puts the Master mark on any of them to begin with, but I doubt the surface being round would prevent her from doing it," I said. "The color probably wouldn't matter either, because the symbol glows in magical lighting."

"Oh, and Rarity says Mac wears the black ones now," Pinkie added. "And she's doing some subtle things to all of the accessories she makes just in case they start a trend, so you can tell the exclusive vampony ones apart from the non-vampony copycats."

"Wait, Mac wears them now? That's weird. Maybe she's making some kind of badging mechanism for stallions, too. I remember Luna's nightwings saying something about stallions who become mar—no, excuse me—who become cunts. There's probably some weird hierarchical system at work here. I wouldn't really care about it if I didn't have this inside information that Rarity's work in Ponyville was so important to the Order," I explained.

"They become cunts?! Ohmygosh! Are they like, enormous pony-sized horse pussies, or do they get attached to a..." Pinkie gasped.

"Pinkie, I think she was speaking, um, what's the word... metaphorically," mumbled Spike, half-asleep, but apparently still picking up bits of our horrid conversation.

"Yeah. Like, they become slaves like the mares or something," I said. "Anyway, back to the topic: are there any more materials?"

"Yes! The last two are super-weird, too! At first I thought she was making tiny versions of the shoes and collars and wing-clippers..."

"Oh no. Pinkie, please don't tell me this," I said, biting my lip.

I really did not want this to be what I was already certain it was going to be.

"But, you wanted to know...?" Pinkie asked.

I sighed deeply. "Okay. Go on," I relented, and braced myself for the worst.

"Anyway, she was making tiny versions of everything except for the horn caps. She made tiny horn rings instead. And all of them looked like they were made of wood and granite, which is another type of stone..."

"Pinkie, I know what granite is. Er, but thank you. So how small are these? I'm going to assume foal-sized."

"Oh, even smaller! Maybe baby-sized? But here's the thing: they're fake! They look like wood or stone, but they're super stretchy," she explained. "So I think adult ponies could wear them too? Also, the earrings are only a little smaller than the normal kind, but they're not fake like the other accessories: they're actual polished oak and granite."

"Probably latex rubber, though I have no idea how she makes them look like wood and granite. Fascinating, but this whole conversation has probably been a waste of time since you're not privy to the details, Pinkie," I complained.

"But I can fix that! Now that you're finally here, I can lose my marbles for realsies and tell you all the secrets I get from Rarity and Mac!" Pinkie said, bouncing in place where she sat amid the cushions.

"NO. Pinkie, I forbid it! Never do the brain thing! Do you understand me?" I yelled. It took me a moment to realize I'd grabbed her by the shoulders.

Pinkie Pie frowned. "Twilight, please don't worry so much. I promise it won't hurt me. It didn't hurt Rarity! And at the very least, you can do one of your before-and-after experiments to see what it does, right? You love experiments!"

"Pinkie, please," I said, reaching down to hold her hooves in mine, and looking directly into her pretty cyan eyes (her eyes are very pretty, Journal; I wonder why I never noticed before?). "I'm scared to death of losing all my friends. I can't lose you too. I need to you swear—Pinkie Promise—you won't do the brain thing. Ever."

Pinkie Pie looked very sad. "Okay Twilight. I promise I won't do the brain thing without your approval, alright? Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. But I won't be able to get you any new intel until then. At least do your experiment stuff on me now, okay?"

"What experiment stuff? I don't know what you're talking about," I said, frustrated.

"You know! You did some scans of my noggin back when you investigated my Pinkie Sense. Remember? You could compare those to now that I'm a vampony, but before the brain thing gets done."

"Actually... I think I do still have your scans in the basement. That's actually a great idea! Er, unless you think it gives you permission to destroy your brain, in which case I won't do it, whether or not it would save Equestria."

"Twilight—"

"We'll talk about this later. It's too much right now," I said. Pinkie rubbed her cheek against mine, pushing a tear aside.

I know it will happen at some point. I don't want it to, but I know it will. I just can't think about it now. It's literally too much for my emotions to handle. Even with all the hardening I've taken over the past few weeks, it's too much. I love you Pinkie Pie, I really do.

Horseshit.

"Okay Twi. What else did you have to ask? I think I've told you everything I know," said Pinkie Pie. (Spike was softly snoring at this point.)

"Let me think. There was one last thing... Ah, I remember! You said the words 'nightblood' and 'voidmare' in relation to Cadance, I think? I don't know what those are," I explained.

"Oh! Well, Cadance is a nightblood, and you're turning into one. That's a vampony with the combined pegasus and unicorn natures," she said.

"You mean an alicorn," I said.

"No, I mean what you and Cadance are."

"Uh, we're alicorns, Pinkie."

"Not according to Rarity. She says Celestia and Luna are alicorns, but you're only a pegacorn," said Pinkie Pie.

"That... is ridiculous. I know everything there is to know about alicorns, and I'm pretty damn sure I'm an alicorn. Where is she getting these stupid ideas?" I laughed.

"From Luna's night guard, I guess? I don't know much about it other than what she's said, but from the way she talks it sounds like maybe Celestia doesn't tell you a lot of stuff..."

"So what does this mean? What the hell is an alicorn, then?" I asked, furrowing my brow. I'm afraid to admit it, but at this point I totally buy the possibility that Celestia's been hiding information from me about my true nature—for good reason, no doubt, but still. I almost feel like I can't trust her anymore. Why wouldn't she tell me something like this?

"I think an alicorn has earth pony nature as well? Anyway, Rarity says that Celestia or Luna would become a voidmare, which is what an alicorn vampony is. You and your sister-in-law are nightbloods. But she tries not to use words like that around me anymore, so that's pretty much all I know," said Pinkie.

"Damn. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate being in the dark like this," I groaned. Pinkie Pie opened her mouth as though to offer something, then quickly closed it. I didn't ask.

Alright. I've finished this entry now. Oh, I just carried Spike upstairs and set him in his bed. He kissed my lips without waking up, and I was afraid to break it when his little arms grabbed me... it lingered for about twelve seconds, and while it didn't appear to arouse him, my body, um... Ah, whatever. He had a smile on his face and looks like a little angel when tucked into his cozy bed, so I don't care. He's pretty tiny for an eleven-year-old foal, but size is deceptive. I mean, he's still way too young, and shouldn't be kissing his sister no matter how old he is, but it's not quite as bad as it looks.

Yes, I am aware that I'm rationalizing, and I'm probably a hopeless pervert now.

Pinkie should be back soon (hopefully, anyway: I'm a little tired myself). I'll leave the customary space after this entry in case I have forgotten anything.

Zecora is here now, with a bunch of supplies and no doubt useful information. I'll post a final entry after this one before I "hit the hay" (as AJ would put it).

It's time to write down what happened in the hills, so I'm going to use the extra space after this entry for that. I've kept this thing brewing long enough. Even here I'm going to abbreviate the details somewhat, because all I need is a record of events. Or, to be perfectly blunt, a record of my crimes. Ongoing crimes, I suppose.

By "what happened in the hills", I mean the first time in the hills, of course. This was in the evening after recovering from the Twiliport Loop (I guess it sounds less dorky to my ear now?) when I was physically and mentally exhausted and Spike and Pinkie were taking care of me, even though they were pretty banged up themselves.

We cuddled together for warmth after the Sun set, and Pinkie Pie started talking about sex. I don't remember all of the details of the conversation because I didn't have the transcription spell up, but it just kind of happened. For some reason, it didn't seem all that bad. The conversation veered into how naive I am, and how I probably needed to learn more about sex in order to be safe from the vamponies.

Of course, Pinkie Pie was a vampony at the time herself, but I didn't know this. Thinking back about it I feel a little betrayed, but I don't really think she was trying to deceive me. I'll bet she thought what she was doing was helping me in the fight against the vamponies, even though she was one. Actually, I'm certain of it, even as mind-numbingly illogical as it may sound. Pinkie Pie seems to thrive in contradictions. She's pretty amazing. Her skills and abilities seem to compliment mine like intersecting puzzle pieces.

Journal... am I actually starting to fall in love with her? Holy Sun, I hope not. I can't handle all these feelings happening at everypony...

Anyway, Pinkie and I argued about whether Spike should know about sex or not, and in my weakened state, she won the argument. Somehow she made everything sound like it made perfect sense. Spike needed protection against the vamponies too, and Pinkie said sapient beings like ponies and dragons were capable of sexual pleasure before puberty. I didn't really believe that, so she said she'd show me, and I guess that's when it started.

I was lying prone, resting, and Pinkie and Spike gathered around me. Spike said he wanted to explore kissing and stuff with Pinkie, but he was a little scared, so he wanted me there. It just seemed so cute, I couldn't say no to him... Pinkie kissed me on the cheek, gently, as we hugged each other. I asked her not to go any further with kissing me because I was afraid of falling in love the way Applejack had warned me about. So she started kissing Spike instead, right in front of my face, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He blushed and gripped her hoof in one forepaw, his other claws gently resting on my shoulder. Then his eyes fluttered closed as Pinkie Pie kissed closer and closer to his lips, and then on the lips, and finally she started kissing him in kind of a weird way. She would kiss him gently but firmly, then gently spread her lips just a little, which would force his lips open. I didn't realize she was doing things inside his mouth with her tongue at the time (yeah, I guess I was pretty naive—probably still am) but the more she did this, the more he relaxed against me and accepted his fate.

I felt Pinkie gently stroking my teats and I was too entranced by everything to stop her. It helped, too, because I was becoming aroused and at least this way I didn't have to blame it on being attracted to my little dragon. I'll bet Pinkie knew exactly what she was doing. She seems so idiotic most of the time but when it comes to social interaction, she's kind of a genius. We were both putty in her hooves, and we loved her for it. A small part of me still does, I must admit.

She wanted me to kiss Spike, but I was really worried about that so I only gave him a small, gentle kiss on the lips, just once. It wasn't romantic or anything, but it made my heart do flips in a worrisome way. Then she said she was going to do something special for Spike, and she lay her body against my lower legs. Spike was resting on his side, against my side, and he just looked into my eyes with those precious lizard-green irises, and nopony said anything because we didn't need to. I started stroking his back, then his tail, and eventually cupped his tiny rump in my hoof. I didn't understand why, and I didn't care.

Pinkie's head rested on my belly, and as I looked into Spike's gaze, I saw him gasp and twitch and I knew she was doing something to him. I knew she was doing something to his penis; I knew it, and yet I didn't try to stop her. His face was so perfect, just blushing, eyes watering... I kissed away a tear or two, and held him close with my hoof on his rump. His little pink tongue dangled out of his mouth: long and just a little forked, but otherwise a lot like a pony tongue, I thought. I could hear something liquid, kind of like somepony sucking on a popsicle. At the time I didn't really get it, but I know what was happening now. I think she was kissing him there, or maybe even had his penis (penises?) inside her mouth, which seems pretty disgusting and dangerous, but maybe it's not so bad after all... it feels really, really good to think about it, which is why I'm trying not to.

Pinkie kept making these moaning sounds like she was eating the most delicious treat in the universe. I thought she was faking at the time, but maybe it really was that amazing? Could anything feel as amazing as she made it sound? Spike was just beside himself, though. Eventually he had his claws on either side of my face, and tears were falling onto my cheeks, and he just smiled gently and said, "I love you, Twilight," over and over again. The first time it prompted a muffled sound like "mwww" from Pinkie, so I think she actually liked that he was fixating on me. And in my addled mental state, I liked it too. I told him I loved him very much, just the same, and—and this is the part I really can't forgive myself for—I told him to relax and enjoy how it felt, because he deserved to be happy.

It went on like this for a while, until eventually he shivered and jerked and whined in a high pitch. I knew something important was happening, so I pulled him tightly to me and kissed him on the cheek. In retrospect, I bet he was having an orgasm, but is that really possible for somepony his age? What would the evolutionary point be of having orgasms before you can breed? Social, perhaps? In any case, it happened, and with one last SLURP sound Pinkie Pie giggled and propped herself back up into my field of vision, and we all gently held each other. She said something about how Spike would be able to make some kind of special batter someday and oh, bleah, ick. Okay, now I get it. Well, anyway, she said some stuff. And she started rubbing my teats again, and I asked her to stop because I was too tired, but that was a lie and I think she knew it.

When we woke up I felt much better, though I was a little sticky downstairs (ugh, sorry Journal). Spike acted very shy and embarrassed, and I felt embarrassed for him and for myself. Pinkie Pie seemed very cheerful and pleasant. We all kind of pretended that what happened hadn't happened, but I did see Spike rub up affectionately against Pinkie's shoulder a couple of times on the remainder of our walk, and when he looked at me I noticed a shy but genuine spark in his eye. Love, I think; whatever that means, anyway. I know enough about love now to say with certainty I don't know what it is.

I'm sorry, Spike. I failed you then, and I still am, even now...

.Day 49 (Zecora Arrives)

It was almost Day 50 by the time Pinkie Pie returned with Zecora, but technically it was before midnight; so I'm labelling this entry Day 49.

Spike was already asleep, so we went to the basement to discuss things. Zecora brought saddlebags filled with supplies.

"Thanks for coming here on short notice, Zecora," I said. "I assume Pinkie Pie has told you everything?"

"Yes, indeed. I am aware of this new vampony scare," said Zecora. The zebra alchemist pulled a wrap out of her saddlebags. It contained a large cluster of purple flowers with odd-looking hoods.

"Wait. I've seen that flower before," I said. "Is that aconitum? It's extremely toxic."

"Aconitum, also known as monkshood or wolfsbane, is grown in certain nooks of Everfree. It blocks shapeshift of vampony," she rhymed.

"Yep!" said Pinkie Pie. "That's the flower Mac uses."

"I was hoping you could come up with an alchemical cure based on the plant. I don't know how it suppresses vampony transformation, though. It's not a magical plant, is it?" I asked.

"No. Aconitum is mundane. Vampony magic is to blame," said Zecora. "But still, a cure? A tricky notion. Wolfsbane's too toxic in a potion. Without special preparation, it would spell your expiration."

"Yeah, we don't want that," I emphatically agreed. "I think I might be able to come up with a spell that will do the trick, but it will take time. I'm going to spend tomorrow working on it to see how far I can get."

"If I may work here, I shall too. I have supplies with which to brew," said Zecora.

"And I can make some tasty stew!" added Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, don't insult Zecora's vow," I chastized.

Pinkie pouted. "I'm just trying to participate."

"It's okay Pinkie, I don't mind. I know you're trying to be kind," Zecora smiled.

"Oh, Zecora: did Pinkie tell you about the missing memories?" I asked.

"Ah yes, Twilight's lost memories. I have a potion sure to please," Zecora said, and pulled out a small flask filled with green liquid. "It will recover only dreams, but that is all you need, it seems."

Zecora went on to tell me how to use the potion. Basically, I take it, and focus my memory on the last thing I can remember before the missing memories. Then I'll fall into a deep sleep, and have the same dreams I had before, only I'll be able to remember them. It's similar to the history potion she gave me previously: I'll be a spectator to the dream, and unable to influence it. If I played an important role, I should be able to see and hear what I did, though. I'll end this entry just before going to sleep.

I gave Zecora access to some books on magic she needed, and she seems right at home in a chemistry lab. She's remarkably knowledgeable about things you wouldn't expect from a shaman. My prejudices, I guess. Thank Celestia she's on our side, though. Zecora could make a formidable adversary. Not only is she an amazing alchemist, she commands magic in ways I still don't fully understand.

While Zecora was working, Pinkie got my attention.

"Twilight! Can you do the brain scanny thing?" Pinkie asked me, pointing to one of the devices I keep down here.

Let me say this loud and clear: I really, really, really wanted to do those scans. I knew that having before and after data would be immensely useful. But I'm worried it will let Pinkie off the hook to have her brain damaged, so I was terrified of the prospect.

"I don't know if I can, Pinkie. I'm worried about the brain thing, and I don't want to lose you," I whispered to her. If Zecora noticed the conversation, she did an excellent job pretending she didn't.

"Twilight, it's okay. The brain thing doesn't hurt or anything. Rarity and Fluttershy are just fine," she said.

"No, Pinkie. You are not doing the brain thing, period!" I said, trying hard to keep my emotions in check.

"Okay, but I Pinkie Promised I wouldn't do it! So can you scan me?" she asked.

"If you don't want to do the brain thing then I don't see why you're so eager for the scans," I said. "I'm worried about this Pinkie. I want to trust you, but I'm scared."

"Twilight, I Pinkie Pie Promise I will not do the brain thing without you explicitly telling me that I can. Okay?" she begged, and looked up to me with these shiny puppy-dog eyes (no idea how she does that but ouch, my insulin).

"Fine, but you promised," I whispered, and gave her a tight hug.

It took about an hour to set up the machines, so it was pretty late and I was getting tired; but the potion was going to ensure I'd get a good night's sleep at least. As I was finishing the prep work, Zecora went to sleep on the floor (she had already finished her own chemistry setup in a separate area of the basement). I laid out some blankets and cushions for her (she didn't ask for them and I'm pretty sure she could sleep on her head—actually, come to think, I've seen her do that once—but I'm a courteous host).

I strapped Pinkie Pie into the helmet and shackles (not sure why I included those the first time we did this but this time they certainly make sense!). The machines were relatively quiet, fortunately (not that Zecora is a light sleeper). I took some baseline measurements first. Then I put together a remote-controlled spring-loaded device and attached it to her withers.

"Ooh! Watcha doin'?" asked Pinkie.

"This device will hold a wolfsbane flower at one end," I explained. "I can trigger it by remote control, in which case it will smash it up against your back, though not hard enough to hurt you or anything. This way you can turn all the way into a darkhoof without any danger."

"Neat!" she said. "But two things."

"Go ahead."

"First, I'm always a darkhoof, silly! I just don't always reveal the nature, because I'm not experienced enough to control it," she explained. "I think Mac refers to it as 'letting the wolf out' or something." She grinned a fangy grin.

"Um, right," I said, thoroughly creeped out. "And the other thing?"

"I might be able to control it better if I focus really hard this time, so I'll do what I can," she said.

"Good. That should help me to get some better measurements," I said. "Now transform slowly while I tune the instrument, okay? First, just the ears..."

I took measurements until everything was fully transformed except for her hooves. Now it was time for the hard part.

"Alright Pinkie," I said, and I walked over to remove one shoe.

"You can remove them all," she said. "I'm pretty sure I can avoid changing more than one at a time."

"Okay, but last time you kind of exploded the moment you had two shoes off with everything else transformed."

"Yeah, I know. I'll go slow with the first hoofsie though, okay?" she said with a sheepish grin. (I feel like I should say something about a wolf in pony's clothing here...)

I took off all four of her shoes, and she was holding together reasonably well. I stepped back while the machines continued to take measurements.

"Now let one hoof transform," I said, my magic glimmering on the panic button.

"Ohfuuuckmeinthefaaaacepussssseeeeeefeelssssoogoooooooood," she growled in a raspy voice as her left forelimb began to split and drool. There was definitely something happening in her brain. It will take a while to analyze the data (I'll be doing it first thing tomorrow), but what the machine was spitting out was highly abnormal.

"Nice and easy, Pinkie. Can you do a second limb?" I asked cautiously.

"Twilight," she giggled, as a second limb split apart into wiggling bits.

"Yes Pinkie?" I asked.

"Twiiii-light," Pinkie giggled, her voice low and raspy. No... it was both low and high, like she had two voices going off at once or something? Her eyes glimmered with mischief, and her grin looked unnaturally wide.

"Yes...?" I asked.

"Twiiiiiiiii—liiiiiiiiiight," she growled, long tongue lashing out of her mouth and licking at the red goo dribbling from the slits up both her forelimbs.

At this point, I had run out of things to say, so I was pretty much ready to hit the panic button.

After a moment of silence, she finally said something (other than repeating my name creeptastically).

"You're cute, Twilight," she giggled. "Can I get a kiss?"

"Uh, maybe later Pinkie."

"Just one quickie, promise I'm—ooooohnnnng—still in control," she said, winking at me with that wide grin still stretched past the edges of her freakish muzzle.

I opened my mouth to disagree, but before I had a chance to react her tongue flew out and slapped into my mouth. I would have hit the button, but the tongue relaxed immediately and wasn't trying to pull me anywhere. It had stretched three meters, and the tip was gently caressing my tongue, inside my mouth. I was starting to feel, er, gooey back there (ugh, sorry). I don't know how something that creepy can still turn me on.

I should have been more concerned than I was, though. I tasted something sweet, like cinnamon and lime(?), plus a totally unexpected robust flavor like glutamate. It was a bizarre sensation, but really quite pleasant and I felt it yanking (abstractly speaking) on the parts of my mind and body that the vampony infection affects. I didn't realize this at the time, but I'm fairly certain traces of the goo were being rubbed into my mouth and tongue. Ironically, the fact I'm already partially infected may have been what protected me. It was really foalish of me not to have a flower pinned to my mane before starting the experiment (the real problem is I was too fatigued to run an experiment safely). But I held it together, and the kiss lasted only a few seconds before Pinkie retracted her tongue.

"Thanks Twilie!" she said in a sing-songy voice. I was so overwhelmed I forgot I didn't want to be called 'Twilie' because it reminded me of my brother. Usually it's because it's depressing but at the moment it was for, um, other reasons. But anyway.

"Pinkie I think we need to stop," I said.

"Noooo! I'm fiiiiiine," she giggled in that deep but lilting voice that sounded a little like hooves on a chalkboard. "More legs? All the way?" she said, winking at me again.

"Okay," I whispered, button at the ready.

Pinkie finished her transformation, and wow. I'll never get used to seeing something like this, not in a thousand years. She shivered and drooled in place, rocking against the restraints. It looked like she was in ecstatic bliss, or maybe just impossibly happy about something. Her skin, her legs, everything was just wrong, but her smile was the worst. Gaping, beckoning, tongue constantly wrapping about her face and limbs.

"Wannnna share it with you Twiiiiilie," she giggled, her voice somehow hitting several different octaves at the same time. "Eeeeven if you're not a darkhoof there are hoof secrets," she said. (No idea what that means; not sure I want to.)

Then Pinkie moaned out loud, lifted her tail, and violently bucked as she sprayed something out from her backside—I assume this was an ejaculation—and then she began to giggle and cackle and thrash at the restraints, rapidly damaging them in the process.

Panic button time. POP. The device smashed the flower against her withers and held it there.

Pinkie shuddered, and her legs collapsed back to normal almost immediately. She struggled a little with it, apparently it wasn't completely reflexive? But within a dozen seconds or so she was back to normal (for Pinkie Pie, at least).

"T-tired and horny," she gasped, and I walked over to unfasten her (well, I did wait a short while to see the readings go back to their previous state, but it didn't take long).

"You look exhausted. I think you need to rest," I agreed.

She tried to take the device off of her back and I stopped her.

"It's okay, Twi," she said, and coughed a little. "I can't do the legs if I keep the other parts normal, and I can control the other parts."

"I believe you, but we should be careful, okay?"

"Kay. You can pin some 'bane to my mane," she relented. So I took the device off, but secured the wolfsbane.

Pinkie Pie looked relieved to have her shoes off, so with wolfsbane stuck to her (I used a removable hair glue) we left them off. I very carefully cleaned her and the floor up and burned all the hoofgoo we could find. Once I was satisfied that Pinkie was clean, I let her lie down next to Zecora. She wanted to cuddle Zecora while she slept, which disturbed me a little, but Zecora didn't seem to notice or care so I'm sure she'll deal with it when she wakes. I'm too shaken up to do anything about it at the moment.

Alright, I've finished this entry. I'm upstairs at my bed, it's like 2 in the morning now, and I'm going to use the potion. My next entry will be the recovered dream memories unless something unexpected occurs. And then, data analysis on Pinkie's scans. I used the same glue to stick a flower in the mane right at the back of my neck, and I can sense it working (it's a big relief, more mental than physical). I don't think it will prevent the infection from finishing its job, however, so I've re-cast the spell just before sleeping and I left a note to Zecora to wake me if I stay unconscious for more than twenty hours.

As always, I'll leave the customary space after this entry in case I need to add anything later.

WHOEVER YOU ARE, STOP READING THIS JOURNAL

.Day 51? (Quick Update)

I have dreams to transcribe, but this has to come first.

Nopony else is in the library right now.

It's three in the morning, and absolutely nopony is here. Spike is missing. Zecora and Pinkie are both gone. There's a lot of work that's been done in the basement, so even though I feel unrested, I have to presume a full day has passed.

I woke up with the flower still glued to me, but after I pulled most of it out of my fur, that feeling was totally overpowering me. I cast the vampony reversing spell, and it seems to have worked—but just barely. I think I was really close to the end that time. I don't understand why Zecora didn't wake me like I asked.

Fortunately, there's a lot of wolfsbane in the basement still, so even if I had gone full—what was it Pinkie called it, voidmare (or nightblood if you believe the "pegacorn" nonsense)—I could still be in this fight, no problem. But it didn't come to that, and that's a good thing. I have a better chance at finding the cure while I'm partially infected because it gives me much better data to work with.

I've cleaned most of the glue from my fur for now, and I've been trying to put the pieces of this current mystery together. I don't see the note I left for Zecora in the basement. There's something small I can see that's been burned in the fireplace, but the fireplace is out and it can't be the note because I've already tested the ashes. The ashes are from a finer kind of parchment, like a scroll of the non-magic variety. One of the kitchen windows was open (I shut it) and there was a wet breeze blowing in. I suppose a breeze could have blown something into the fireplace, but I wouldn't have left the chain curtain open even if the fire were small and unfueled. Still, Spike or Pinkie might have.

I can't find any clues to suggest where everypony may have gone. Fortunately, there are no signs of a struggle, and the basement looks immaculately clean, probably Zecora there. A few books are missing but I assume those are some of the ones Zecora borrowed. But why would she need to take them outside the library?

The data I collected on Pinkie Pie is still downstairs, but it's been sorted through. I presume Zecora tried to make sense of it while I was out, or maybe Pinkie just decided to entertain herself. I don't really have a reason to start decoding and analyzing it until I come up with gaps in my attempt to make a cure, but a quick once-over has given me confidence that physical phenomena can be used to control the vampony infection from the ground up. (This transformation thing is like a weird magical manifestation with its own rules, almost like it has a personality to it—I know that sounds stupid but it's the best way I can put it into words. But the rules swing both ways, e.g. wolfsbane, and that's promising.)

I really don't like the situation, but there's not much I can do until somepony returns. I can't risk tipping my hoof so I'm not about to go outside. I believe the nightmares I had were extremely important even though I don't fully understand them yet, so I'm going to write them down first, then probably take another nap because I am still exhausted, even after (I think) sleeping for more than a day. Then I'll start working on a magical cure to reverse this condition.

Oh, one last datum: my nightmares were interrupted. There's like, a before, and an after, and this "paused" region in the middle where it's a blur of conversation and light and sound. I can't make sense of any of it, but I think I was communicating with someone. I don't think I actually woke up, though. It must be part of the dream because the potion should have enhanced only dream memories (as best I understand it, anyway), so it's like a greasy, nonsequitur smudge in the middle of an otherwise lucid series of dreams. I'll divide the dream entries in half to demark the nonsequitur portion. I don't have any more details to give because it's actually that much of a strange blur. Just babble and light and confusion, and that's it. A clear memory of pure chaos? I can't really describe it with words.

I'm not leaving a space after this entry. If I need to add something later, I'll add it to the previous entry—I left more than enough space there, after all.

.Day 51 (The Recovered Dreams) (Part 1 of 2)

I have confirmed that it is Day 51. Thank goodness for telescopes.

The first dream memories were a bit hazy and insubstantial, despite the clarity of the memory. The dream itself was hazy and insubstantial, I mean.

I was galloping at full tilt through the woods, away from something. Somethings, rather. I would look back over my shoulder and see red eyes smouldering in the dark, with lines of light coming off of them like bright LEDs being swung about during a rave (no, I haven't been to one, but yes, I know about them through Pinkie Pie—I'll add it to my bucket list later).

The eyes kept following me, first glowing a reddish-pink color, then slowly drifting in hue to a bright yellow, which is where they stopped. A very bright, kind of hazel-yellow. The same color as wolf eyes I've seen, like one Fluttershy tends.

Also the exact color of my father's eyes.

Now, lots of ponies have eyes that color. The color doesn't mean anything, but I remember how I felt at that moment, too. It was from memories of Dad, I just know it, and there were dozens of these things chasing me. It's not surprising or anything. I mean, I'd just been sort-of raped by both of my parents.

Okay, actually raped. I have to stop sugar-coating it. I mean, it wasn't quite so traumatic like you'd expect or anything, but it was rape, right? I didn't want to be there, and I was there, and I couldn't get away, and there was sex. That's what rape is. I just...

Look. I don't know what my problem is. Being raped by your family is horrible, but that isn't really what the problem is, and there is a problem. I have a problem. It still bothers me now just remembering it, and it's making it hard to even start describing my dream—especially given that the eye color of the creatures chasing me has nothing to do with anything important when you look at the big picture, except I know it was Dad somehow. The problem...

The problem—and I hesitate to even bring this up, but apparently I have to do it now if I want to keep writing about it—is that, well...

I mean, I've actually said it already. It wasn't traumatic. Not in retrospect. That is the problem.

The fact that the rape wasn't traumatic, I mean. It was rape, obviously, duh. Clearly. And I felt horrible during, and horrible afterwards, and I still do. But it's much more of a "my parents are worried about me" horrible than a "they did something bad to me" horrible. At first I thought this was because I was "numb" after everything I'd gone through. I've read about rape survivors so I know about it, and that seemed totally logical at the time. But as more time passes, I'm starting to realize I don't know what I feel. I know what I'm supposed to feel, and it's not there.

Maybe it was easier because I had no way to fight back (I've read about that too). I don't know. I just feel bad when I think about it because I actually miss being in bed with my mother and father, and I even miss what...

Ugh. I don't want to write about this.

Okay, bottom line here. There's nothing more comforting than being taken care of by your parents. At least for me, but I always kind of assumed that was true for everypony out there. These past two months of experiences have been really hard on... how I view myself, I think? Because I don't just feel "one way" about anything that's happened, not even being groped by my parents. I know it's really fucking wrong. I just can't get over the fact that part of Twilight Sparkle was being raped, but that part was a much smaller part than the part of Twilight Sparkle that was thrilled to be there, to no longer be fighting a war I didn't understand.

I don't mean vamponies, either. I mean, a war with my feelings. Lying there with both of them, I could feel how much they cared about me. They weren't using me for their pleasure or anything like rapists are supposed to do. They were trying to help me, to "fix" me or something (or "break" me as they would put it), just in the worst way imaginable.

When I feel tired and I ache for psychological comfort, I keep remembering being with my parents and the vast majority of my heart and mind wants to go back there and lie down with them and let them make everything better. It's like I can't differentiate between the kind of familial comfort they've always giving me as loving parents, and these new feelings I have to

Sorry. I'm going to start over now.

I was running through the woods and my brain was full of thoughts and feelings that I didn't understand. I still don't understand, obviously. And I wanted to stop running and surrender myself more than anything, but (here's the odd part) I couldn't do it. Like, literally, I could not bring myself to stop my legs from pumping and thrusting as fast as possible. It was like being in a runaway chariot, or falling out of the sky without wings, or anything where you're moving as fast as you can and you can't stop yourself. It was the polar opposite of those dreams everypony gets about not being able to run away from the bad thing, especially since I wanted the bad things to catch me (not that I can explain why).

So, I was galloping uncontrollably, and I kept my head looking over my shoulder because I knew I wouldn't hit a tree or anything and I kind of wanted to, to be honest. I just kept watching those eyes burning in the night, and that's how I remember the yellow-hazel so vividly. It was just a mass of eyes jockeying for position behind me as I ran on autopilot. And then I called out something really, really sad.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted. "I can't stop!"

I tried to listen for a response, watching behind me as I ran like a jackass headlong into territory I couldn't see because I didn't care where I was headed. At first all I could hear were the sounds of hooves or maybe claws scrabbling against earth and stone, but then I started to hear voices calling back, a chorus of them. They had a strange tonal quality to them, a little like Pinkie's darkhoof voice. They were begging me to stop running, to calm down, to hold on for just a moment so they could catch up. The voices weren't distinct, but they had a very familiar sound somewhere within that screeching cacophonous shell that held them together. It felt like it was all my friends and family coming for me. I think Cadance was in there somewhere, and so was Spike. I know Celestia wasn't.

It felt like this part of the dream went on forever, but it was at minimum ten minutes of me being terrified of not being caught by all the terrible nasty former friend things with sharp teeth, or whatever the buck this was in my psyche, and then it mercifully ended with a painful WHUMP to my chest.

The wind had been knocked out of me and I tumbled on the ground, which was black as everything else. Everything went black except for the stars I saw. And these weren't real stars, but the fake kind you see when you get smacked on the back of your head, due to how the occipital lobe of the brain processes imagery after being preprocessed by optical routing through the midbrain.

Note: apparently I already wrote a little about this before, when Mac stunned me? Great. I'm such a dork.

My vision started to clear as I heaved (unsuccessfully) for breath, and that's when I saw her, just as I'd predicted to myself prior to downing the vile green draught that had turned my brain into a perfectly-recalling-things-nightmare-machine.

Princess Luna. Naturally.

I actually felt rather smug, despite feeling like I was going to die from lack of breath at the same time and not being able to see, and then I remembered that I was remembering dreaming, so I couldn't tell her off unless I had told her off before. So there I was trapped in the past in my own mind, in pain, really really hoping that I would remember having told Luna off for being responsible (I presumed) for letting this darkness into her heart just like she did a thousand years ago (different darkness but still, I can totally guilt her about that if I have to, although I might feel guilty myself—whatever). Because somehow that would prove me right and I could kind of use the comfort of a little predictive ability about then/now/whatever.

She wasn't wearing an ounckse this time. She had her usual tiara and royal shoes on. Her face looked concerned, though saddened might be a more accurate description. It made me feel sad for her, too.

I struggled to breathe, and felt entirely helpless, which somehow also made me feel better. (Don't ask me.)

Then she waved her leg at me, and suddenly I could breathe. I gasped and panted for breath, and my body ached all over. She stood there, waiting for me to recover. After I was finally breathing semi-normally, she spoke.

"Twilight Sparkle. It is good to see you, though the circumstances are a bit horseshit," she said, popping off the nasty invective like it was as common a noun as 'water'. "It is my hope you will feel better in a minute or two."

I coughed and swallowed a few times, tried to stand, and fell back to the ground with shaky legs. I could feel the ground, but everything was pure black except for Luna and I. It's strange to see her seem so bright in contrast to the background. It almost looked like she glowed.

"Conserve your strength," she recommended.

"No ounckse, princess?" I commented, stupidly tipping my hoof at the first opportunity. I guess I was kind of pissed at her, even though I didn't really know what was going on or how much she was a part of it. I just needed somepony to blame for everything and Luna was the obvious target. The only target, anyway.

Luna sighed. "I was trying to put you at ease, Twilight Sparkle," she said. "Still, I am impressed you pronounced it properly. You are an easy pony to overestimate, and that is intended as a compliment."

"Thanks," I said, because I had no idea what else to say at the moment. This was a dream, and I knew it back when I was having it. I'm fairly certain that all dreams are Luna's demense: this is where her magic was strongest—and she didn't even need to be there in a physical sense for that to be true. I was pretty much screwed, and all I had left was righteous anger peppered with a lot of confusion.

Princess Luna's eyes glowed an eerie dark color (can black glow?), and I saw stars shimmering within them. A mist appeared everywhere, white but very dim in comparison to her and me. It felt soft and pillowy. It was very relaxing, which I didn't appreciate very much. She gave me a half-smile and sat down next to me on the fluffiness that was, apparently, a cloudscape floating in the empty darkness all around.

"I was hoping that we could... chat," she said, gently brushing my mane out of my eyes with a hoof. "Before you begin trying to run off another cliff, you stubborn little princess." She looked down at her hooves and removed her shoes, tossing them aside.

I realized right then that I've never seen Luna without her shoes on, not even at the moment she returned from being Nightmare Moon (long before she'd regained her starry mantle). I felt rather small, and looked up at her. I got a sense of her being like a mother figure—no, wait; that's not right. She feels more like a sister, in my mind. Luna is someone I've long suspected I had a lot in common with, but I've never had the chance to really get to know her. She feels a lot like Cadence to me, but... maybe even more so? It feels like she could be a twin sister, or a soulmate, or something. I see myself in her, in some odd sense...

Maybe she was planting all of this in my mind, but I don't think so. I'm starting to realize this is how I've always felt about Luna. I don't really know why.

I sat there, blushing, angry, and lost. I had to fight back tears, but I didn't understand why.

"What now?" I asked.

"We can talk, if you like," she said. "You may ask me questions. Some of them, I might be able to answer."

"You're serious?" I said. Did this mean Luna was actually on my side? Or was she just being arrogant, like the villains in Spike's comic books?

She nodded. "Unfortunately, I believe it unlikely you will recall our conversation."

Ah! There's the catch. I closed my eyes. I think I winced, actually, though the pain wasn't physical.

"Well then what's the point," I mumbled, and buried my muzzle between my hooves and some dreamcloudstuff.

"The point," said Luna, "is that there are reasons to do things, besides leaving a flimsy memory in wake."

"Like?" I asked, incredulous.

Luna smiled a warm and genuine-seeming smile. "Like grow. As a pony," she suggested. "The conversation may not leave a memory, but it will affect who you are underneath. This, in turn, may be able to help you along your difficult path."

"Will our conversation make me trust you, or distrust you?" I asked with a defiant tone. "Because that's pretty much all I need to know."

"Would that pony minds and hearts were so simple, Twilight Sparkle. Would that they were," she said cryptically, and then she shook her head with disdain.

"Luna, please," I begged softly. "Please say you will help me, help Celestia, help us stop my brother and your guards. It isn't too late to make the right choices. Not this time," I said, pushing the implication a bit too hard (I think, here in retrospect).

"Guilt will not affect me, Twilight. I am finally free of it for the first time in years."

I gulped, audibly. That didn't sound good.

"Sometimes guilt is there for a good reason," I responded.

Luna shook her head. "Not the guilt which I have endured. Ever since my return to full alicorn, I have tortured myself nightly with a being of my own creation."

"Okay, that's actually kind of crazy."

"Today, I agree with you. I have destroyed it, and I have moved on to greener pastures," she said.

"Wait, by 'full alicorn' do you mean the mantle?"

"My mantle is one sign that I am an alicorn, yes."

"Because only alicorns can have one."

"Because all alicorns have one," she corrected me.

"Luna, I don't have one. Neither does Cadence."

"I know. That is because you are not a true alicorn, Twilight," Luna explained.

"What? I've been coronated! Princess Celestia confirmed it," I said, rather taken aback. "Everypony knows it. Look: wings, horn. Duh."

"My sister sometimes leaves out the details," Luna said. "You are a pegacorn, like your sister-in-law. Becoming an alicorn requires... another step."

Now, this definitely backs up what Pinkie Pie said the other day, but I didn't know about that during this dream because it hadn't happened yet. Plus, I still think it's a total load of horse apples. I've read up on everything there is to know about alicorns (there actually isn't a lot out there on the topic, either).

"This doesn't have anything to do with Celestia! I've read everything there is..."

"I am afraid it has everything to do with my sister, Twilight."

"Great. And I'll bet you're going to tell me she's been censoring books, too?"

"She has, but for good reasons. Certain information is very dangerous in the wrong hooves," she said. "Twilight, do you not realize why the Star Swirl the Bearded Wing of the Royal Canterlot Library is guarded day and night?"

To be honest, I hadn't actually thought about that before this point. I felt pretty dumb. (I still feel a little dumb, but I'm less naive now, so I feel kind of embarrassed remembering how dumb I was when I didn't remembering being dumb before.)

"Luna, for Heavens' sake, just tell me whose side you're on and let's be done with this pointless conversation," I growled, irritated and angry.

"Your side is the side I am on. Twilight Sparkle, I am on your side," she said, repeating herself.

"Fine. Prove it."

"We are all on your side: Celestia, I, your brother, Rainbow Dash, your parents, you. That is because there is only one side."

"Bullshit, Luna. My parents just raped me. That is not fucking 'on my side'." (In the dream, I privately realized that they had me physically lying on my side as they raped me, so in a literal sense it was 'fucking on my side'; but I wasn't about to tell her that. I'm not losing the parent-raping argument to semantics, for crying out loud. That would just be silly.)

Okay, sometimes I think stupid things and now I'm writing them because I'm trying to record what I was thinking, faithfully, during a recovered memory of a dream. This lovely set of experiences from Tartarus keeps finding new ways to embarrass me in my invisible, private journal which one day will no doubt be read by millions of young ponies.

I feel a little better after writing that last sentence. Sarcastically. That was sarcasm. I don't think millions of young ponies will be reading this someday. For all that is good and holy, please, no. No, no, no.

Anyway.

"Did your parents intend to harm you?" Luna responded.

"No. But that's immaterial to whether or not they are 'on my side'."

"Is it?" she asked. "Are they not perhaps... confused? Do you think they are intentionally doing something which is 'not the best' for their daughter?"

"Of course they're confused! That makes it even worse," I said. "Look, I'm not saying they're to blame—this is some evil force like the Nightmare, obviously. Something bad is trying to harm me, and it is succeeding. I don't want to hurt my parents, I want to save them. I want to save everypony. You too, Luna."

Luna nodded. "Good. This is much clearer thinking. If only this 'force' you oppose were anything like Nightmare, your goal could be at hoof," she said. "Unfortunately for your current state of mind, the true 'goal' is not so simple. It may not even be well-defined at this stage, and you are in no condition at the moment to understand why."

"Luna, just tell me. Explain what is going on so I can understand," I asked. "Please. At least try."

"You would not believe me, Twilight. You understand nothing about what you perceive to be your enemy. You think we are on different sides of a conflict, and yet such a conflict does not exist in anything close to the form in which you imagine it," she said. "I am not trying to be cryptic. It is truly a difficult thing to explain, because you are not... properly receptive. Not yet, at least. It would be possible if we spent a long time together. I would gladly try right now, but the amount of time we have here is limited by my need to do something most unwelcome."

I didn't like the sound of the last two words.

I looked up at my horn, then felt with my hoof, to find it missing.

"Give me my horn," I said, as clearly and directly as I could.

"You do not realize this, but you would hurt yourself. Your powers of precognition are yet nascent, and you are not destined to become aware at this stage in your development."

"Wait. You're saying you can see the future?"

"Yes, in limited amounts. Star Swirl's capabilities far outstrip my own, but he is, how shall I put it? A dirty cheater."

"You're saying I'll be able to see the future at some point?"

"In many possible futures, you will develop those capabilities; and when you do, they are neigh-certain to surpass even mine. Are you truly surprised to learn that you shall be a powerful alicorn one day, Twilight? Have you not felt Celestia's hand guiding you toward this fate from a very young age? Surely, you cannot yet believe it is coincidence that you aided in my escape two years previous."

At the time, I didn't get it, but now I think she was saying 'the stars will aid in her escape' was a prediction involving me. While I'm loathe to think her ramblings are anything other than babble to confuse me, I have to admit the odds of me finding five friends, and then leading them to reclaim the Elements of Harmony... it doesn't make any sense, and I don't understand why I didn't see it before now.

I need to think about this. I'm taking a short break from writing to get something to drink.

Okay, I'm back. I'm beginning to change my tune on some of what I'm hearing from Luna and (third-hand) Rarity and my brother. It's very difficult to differentiate the truth from lies, but some of this makes too much sense to just ignore. There's a big gap of information in the libraries in Canterlot. I'm not certain I believe Celestia has anything to do with it, either. Is it possible even Princess Celestia is a pawn in this? Who is pulling the strings? Discord is gone, and he has never, ever acted like this. I think he knew it was coming, though. Maybe that's why he left us.

It doesn't matter, though. I'm going to continue to record what Luna said to me, and try to put the pieces together later. Maybe a clearer image will form once I've cross-referenced what all these unreliable sources are saying. At least then I can have two different stories to draw upon. Even if they're both incorrect, it will start to form 'sides', and then I can treat this like any other monster fight or friendship problem.

Even if Luna thinks doing that is hopeless, which she clearly does.

I lay there on the clouds for a moment before saying anything.

"There's a lot I don't understand, Luna. I admit it. I've always assumed if I needed to know something, Celestia would tell me, or I'd figure it out on my own," I said. "I trust Celestia more than anypony. More even than I trust myself and my friends."

"That is very foalish," said Luna, "but your trust is not misplaced in her, so your fortune is good."

"I really don't understand anything," I said, and I started to cry. "I'm afraid I'm going to let everypony down. I'm afraid my parents and my friends are gone forever, and it's my fault..."

Luna reached out and pulled me into a hug, which I reluctantly accepted.

"Twilight, it is going to be okay," she whispered. "I truly wish I had enough time to inform you and comfort you, because your journey is far from over, and you have not hit the worst of it, not by far. But you shall prevail, of this I have little doubt. Now, think carefully, little pony. Are there any direct questions you have for me that you think I could answer? I cannot keep you in this dream state for long. Soon I will need to hoof you to another power in order to keep you safely in slumber."

"Another power? You're trying to keep me asleep so they can find me, aren't you?" I asked, sniffling.

"That is too difficult to explain. Choose your questions wisely, and quickly."

"Are you in the Order of Spring?"

"I do support the Order. It is not a thing which one can be 'in'."

"What does the Order want?"

"Freedom," said Luna.

"Everything I've seen suggests the exact opposite."

"Sometimes, on the surface, one thing can appear to be its opposite. For the truth, you must endeavor to dig deeper."

"I don't understand. You have to give me more than that," I said.

"Then allow me to be direct," Luna offered. "We who support the Order are utilizing the best magic and technology available to achieve a form of peace and justice heretofore impossible for ponykind. The advancement of magic has opened a door to a new future for Equestria."

"You mean the fucking lobotomy box, don't you," I spat.

"That is old magic, but I suppose its recovery counts as an advancement. And 'lobotomy box' is entirely incorrect. You are being deceived by those you no longer trust, ironically," she replied.

"Are you trying to turn everypony into monsters? Are you trying to put mares in chains? What can I do to understand any of this?" I asked, my voice filled with frustration.

"Not everypony; no; and you must learn to understand and embrace your nature as a sexual being, Twilight. You are so poorly equipped for this conflict. You have yet to grow up and become a true mare, and unfortunately you have too little time in which to do so."

"Why does sex have anything to do with anything!?" I screamed, and Luna pulled me into a hug again. I wanted to fight her, but my body still felt weak, and it wasn't like it would have helped. So I slowly relaxed.

Princess Luna kissed me on the forehead where my horn used to be, and gently stroked my mane. "Our time is up, at least in one sense," she said. "The tra...n......s........."

Everything ground to a halt, like a movie pausing in the middle. Then the blur of sound and noise came. There were voices and feelings and flashes of light, all on fast-forward. It felt kind of like I was half-awake. I can't make heads or tails of any of it, though. After that confusing interruption, the dream resumed.

YOU ARE BEING LIED TO

.Day 51 (The Recovered Dreams) (Part 2 of 2)

After the blur, the dream continued.

".........s......f...er will take several minutes. Just try to relax, and please be kind to her. None of this is her fault, any more than it is yours. And try to avoid paradox, Twilight Sparkle; I trust you are mindful enough to do so."

"Who? What paradox?" I asked, but Luna had disappeared.

I sat there all alone on the clouds and brooded quietly. (Mostly I was thinking about what had just happened with my parents, but I don't want to write anything more on that topic.)

After what seemed like the better part of an hour, I started to hear the softest whispering sound, and the cloudstuff beneath me jiggled. The sound was swooshy and staticy like a rush of wind, or maybe a waterfall; at first just a tiny breeze, but then louder and louder and louder until I had to hold my hooves over my ears. The clouds began to shake violently like an earthquake, and just as the cacophony hit its zenith, I felt my body being yanked painfully apart from all sides...

And then, everything had changed.

I was standing in the middle of a clearing in the Everfree Forest, and the sun was shining. I haven't seen any place in the Everfree like this. It made the forest seem far less dangerous. But, this was a dream, after all. Next to me was a large stump that had been polished smooth, like a table. I heard the sound of hoofsteps, and noticed somepony trotting toward me from the treeline.

To my surprise, it was Princess Luna once again. She was wearing armor, like a royal guard. She walked up to the stump and removed first her helmet, then her barding.

"Luna? Did something go wrong?" I noticed my horn was intact again, and it was working. I was tempted to try to eject myself from the dream at that moment, but curiosity got the better of me: I decided to wait and see what Luna would do.

"Forgive mine manners. We art Princess Luna. Thou wilt be one hight Twilight Sparkle, and thou wot of us, we see," said Luna. She knelt on the other side of the stump, leaving on her shoes and replacing her crown (it had been mounted oddly on her helm).

"What... is going on?" I said. I was starting to get a really creepy feeling about this.

"Nothing dost go. Ye are mine charge," she said. "We wilt remain in slumber for a nonys at length, for reasons of charm. We kan ye are a beldams, forthy thou certes wilt be familiar with such wight." (Rough translation of that last sentence, since the reader might not know Middle Equestrian: "I know you're a mage, so you are familiar with how magic works.")

"Luna, do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked. I stopped short of pointing out that she was speaking archaically; partly because my Middle Equestrian is decent enough to follow most of what she was saying, but primarily because I had the feeling this was more than an act.

"Ay. Thy tongue is queer, but not beyond mine ken to rede," she answered. "We wast warned artow hie from a strange land, nathelees would be gentle. We wast not quod artow princess; al be that stands to thy sooth as beldams. Merry meet, Princess Twilight Sparkle." Princess Luna smiled gently.

I sat there with a puzzled expression for a moment before it dawned on me. I was in a dream, but something more was going on.

"Princess Luna, what year is it?" I asked.

Luna furrowed her brow. "By which calendar, seistow? Queen Platinum's?"

(That was all I needed to hear.)

"This... is impossible..." I said, stunned. "I can't be in the past, can I? I know you can't be in the future..."

Luna appeared very concerned. "Time asterte within a dream? Curious, this cas. Hastow..." she said, then paused in thought.

"Wait... Luna! I have to warn you about the future," I said. "After you return to Equestria, th—"

My warning was cut short by Luna's magic causing me to no longer possess a mouth on my muzzle.

"Weylaway! We art sorry, Princess Twilight Sparkle," said Luna. "We hast konne from Star Swirl the Bearded to noot soothfastnesse yet to come. Maystow not seye a word."

Yes, I know better than to try to change the future through time travel. I've already learned it's essentially impossible, and as Luna said earlier, there's a reason Star Swirl's Wing is guarded day and night. But in this case, I didn't really care. I wanted the situation to change, and I was willing to try anything to do it.

I tried to use my magic to return my mouth, but I didn't really have an appropriate spell for it, and my ability to control dreams pales to Luna's. Naturally, my attempt failed. So I decided to abort the dream by casting a wake-up spell.

Nothing happened. The spell responded as though I wasn't asleep. Actually, it was more eerie than that. It responded as though there was no target for the spell. It was like I didn't exist at all.

But this shouldn't have surprised me, because I was in a dream in the past, back when I truly didn't exist. So it seemed that Luna's convoluted plan had worked perfectly. Here I was, trapped in a dream world incredibly far from my body, with old-timey Luna as my jailer for as long as she could maintain the dream. Certainly it could be long enough for the vamponies to locate my sleeping body in the warehouse, or at least long enough for the infection (which, at the time, I didn't even know I had) to complete its course. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I couldn't even try to convince Luna that she was making a mistake by warning her about the future.

But to my surprise (my surprise as I remembered the dream, I mean), I came up with a clever idea or two. Not yet, though. I'm getting ahead of myself.

I lay on the grass, and I started to cry. Luna looked mortified.

"Prithee, le ve Twilight, weep not," she urged, and walked over to me to embrace me. It felt nice. Very nice, actually. This Luna wasn't my enemy, of that I was certain. This Luna had no idea what she was doing. I'm not sure how Present Luna convinced Past Luna to do her bidding, but judging from her reaction it was some sort of trick (I mean, this Luna didn't know I came from a different time period until I told her).

I shivered at first, but then leaned up against her. She took off her shoes and tiara (I've never seen her without her tiara except when she was replacing it just a few minutes prior), and she held me close. I could hear her heart beat, and feel the warmth of her breath and the chill of her mantle on my withers. I relaxed.

"Poor lite pony," she cooed, and kissed my cheek. I blushed. I'm sure this wasn't sexual to her; it felt more motherly than anything else. But it was affecting me, so I suppressed the feeling as best I could. We lay there in quiet together, in a half-asleep state within a dream, for what must have been hours. It was the most comforted I've felt in a very long time, and I almost didn't care anymore that I was being held until the Order could sink its fangs into my vulva again. At least it would all be over. I knew she wasn't responsible, not here at least, and I loved her for what she must have thought she was doing to protect me (my best guess; who knows what Present Luna told her or even how she told her).

After hours of rest, my thinking had cleared. I didn't want to leave Luna, mind you. To be honest, I wanted to stay there with her forever, cuddling close, my fight against the Order be damned. I wanted to wait for both of us to be taken together. But my subconscious refused to stop working, and then the first epiphany hit me.

The interesting thing about epiphanic moments is that the final moments before the realization hits you always happen at the subconscious level. There's been psychological research on the topic, actually. Ponies are asked to solve a simple puzzle requiring insight or linguistic memory, and after they do, they're asked to recall what they were thinking along the way. Usually they can describe everything in detail up to the point where the epiphany happens—and then there's this gap in memory where all the thinking is below the conscious level.

It's hard to put together what I was thinking even before I came up with the idea, though, because although the memory of the events is now crystal clear, the memory of my own thoughts seems more cobbled-together or reconstructed from beneath. But it probably went something like this.

I needed to warn Luna, I realized. I needed to change the future, even if it weren't possible. Even if I couldn't prevent the Order (though I knew even less about what the Order of Spring was back then), if I could only get Luna on my side, I might still have a fighting chance. But all the events I've experienced would still have come to pass: Luna wearing the ounckse, her guards being at the genesis of this 'Order' thing, Luna herself admitting she's a party to it...

And that's when it hit me.

What if it was all an act?

I mean, what if Luna was pretending to be part of the Order? But there wouldn't be a reason for her to do that, even if I modified past events and sent a message to her.

That is, unless the reason itself were an ontological paradox.

I know that ontological paradoxes exist, because I created one a year or so ago when I warned myself about the threat I was warning myself about (which was the warning itself). The threat had no source in the time-stream, you see. It had no beginning: the warning I gave myself created itself out of nothingness, a self-created loop in time. I've done this thing before. It exists.

Could I do it again, I thought, only retroactively? Would it be possible to send Luna a message telling her to pretend to be part of the Order, in order to pull her actions into a temporal loop?

Well, yeah. It would be possible. But even if I had a way to send her a message, it wouldn't be probable. Luna seems to have every reason to join the Order (okay fine, you can't 'join' it, but whatever it is she has reason to support it). She's like, the first pony I'd expect to go along with it, even as bright as she is, and even as resistant to confinement as she is; everything else I know about her fits too-perfectly hoof in shoe. She's from an archaic time when the Order might have made sense if they'd had the magic and technology to restructure society (or whatever they're doing, I'm still not entirely certain).

But I figured I might as well give it a go. It might be a long shot, but there's no reason not to roll the dice. So I made a very strong effort of dream control to pop-into-being a scroll and a quill, and I began writing on the scroll. Luna didn't notice at first, because her eyes were closed as she held me. But she must have heard the scratching of feather to parchment, because she stood up shortly after I began.

"Twilight Sparkle, we cannat rede thy scroll ere sooth," she said, stepping back away from me. "Prithee, cease thy writ and hold gentle to mine bosom?"

I looked up to her and shrugged, and continued writing. I expected she would destroy the parchment, but I wasn't about to stop my plan. (Truth be told, that was the heaviest shrug I've ever made in my life. I would have done nearly anything to return to cuddling with that kind mare. Dammit. Why couldn't I have found this kind of comfort before everything turned into sex-related nonsense? Can't I have this kind of wonderful closeness without all the disgusting... I'm so ill-prepared for this mission. I'm the worst, ugh. Sorry, this is way off-topic. I'm done.)

Luna sat on the other side of the stump from me and simply watched me write. I kept the paper at an angle so she couldn't see the words, in the hopes it would delay her attempts to destroy them. I was feeling pretty emotional. I sniffled and tried not to cry as I hastily transcribed the detailed message on what to do and when and why, faster than I've written anything in my life (thank goodness for this journal, it's really helped me improve my speed at this sort of thing).

She looked ready to reach out and stop me, but I had finished. I rolled the scroll up and set it on the stump, then walked up beside her and leaned against her. She seemed to relax.

The second epiphany was how to escape the dream, and that came to me while I was writing the scroll. I didn't like it, but it was the best chance I had. I had to get Luna herself to throw me out, and I could only think of one way to do it.

"Ommm fshooolleeee," I said through my nose, looking up at her with sad eyes. She knew something was very wrong, but I couldn't give her time to react. I reached back behind her and placed my hoof (which I had carefully kept clean) onto the smooth surface of her vulva, and I firmly pressed down and inward.

I've never felt anything like this before, because I still have my hymen, and even if I didn't I don't know if I would be comfortable hoofing myself. It was so moist, and smooth, and warm. Like a strong, hot hug of some sort, and it felt very intimate even though I know it was rape. It felt wonderful, and that made me feel even worse about what I was doing. I pushed my hoof deep up into her as she gasped, eyes wide, staring back at me; and I cried. I went slowly, because I couldn't forgive myself if I'd hurt her, and at some level I wanted her to know I cared about her. I could feel it flexing around me, involuntarily causing her pleasure, and the dream world around us began to jerk and shimmer.

Quickly, I grabbed the scroll with my magic and slipped it up into her mane. I doubt she noticed, and I doubt even more that the scroll continued to exist after I'd left. The chance my plan worked is miniscule, I know. But at least the plan to wake up worked. Princess Luna was blushing like fire, she saw me crying, she must have felt terribly violated nonetheless... and she lost her hold on the dream connection. As I'd hoped, the temporal junction required her direct involvement to maintain (even if she didn't know it for what it was). Painfully, I felt myself jerked repeatedly backwards through deep darkness, and that's where the dream ended.

I don't recall anything more from the potion experience, but if my theory is correct and there are no further holes, that should be the point where I woke up in the warehouse.

I feel absolutely terrible about what I did to escape the dream. I don't know if my actions were remotely justified. I don't know how I can face Luna again. I'm sorry, whoever reads this. I don't expect forgiveness, but just know that I never wanted any of this to happen. Please.

Okay, so... that's that.

Pinkie Pie returned to the library a minute ago, so I'm going to find out what the deal is with everypony now.

I need to add something here (admittedly, it's been a few entries since I wrote this one and I've had a lot of time to mull this over). I still struggle with what I did to Luna, and I'm not entirely certain it's fair for me to beat myself up over it. If I had punched her in the ribs to wake me up, it wouldn't weigh on me, even though that would have hurt her rather than pleasured her. I'm sure she wasn't traumatized by it based on how she reacted. Why are the 'rules' always so different, so much more strict, for anything related to sex? Are ponies actually that fragile? Wouldn't that mean I'm already screwed up for life based on all the trauma I've endured lately? I feel terrible after everything, but I don't feel screwed up for life. That seems defeatist and wrong to me.

The way I'm horrified by what I did here doesn't make sense to me anymore, and I fear that means the Order may be winning my heart. I mean, I really don't think the Order is winning, but the fear is there. And even though I still feel awful, I'm uncertain why I do, and even why I should.

This thing I'm fighting is so difficult, I can't express it with words.

.Day 51 (Spike, Scrolls, Lies, and Other Boners)

Big problem. Pinkie doesn't know where Spike is. I'm about to nap until morning, but first here's the conversation between us over the past hour, including the parts I probably should have the sense to leave out but I know I won't. Ugh.

"He must have left after I did," Pinkie said. "I just went out to do recon on Rarity and Big Macintosh, so I've been gone maybe an hour, two at most."

"I don't like this, Pinkie. Spike wouldn't leave without leaving me a note," I pointed out.

"Oh! I saw him writing on a scroll before I left," she said. "Maybe he hid it for a scavenger hunt!"

"Pinkie, he wouldn't waste a magic scroll! Not unless it was important. Look here..." I said, then rummaged around in my desk.

All of my scratch paper was gone, save a couple of pieces which were originally on top the desk that I'd used yesterday. I had had about 4.3 reams of it left.

"Oh for crying out loud! Seriously?" I groaned. "The bandits who took my scrolls must have taken my paper too. I guess just to mess with me?"

I quickly ran upstairs and checked supplies.

"He did use a scroll for something! It must be what ended up in the fireplace. Was there a fire burning?" I asked.

"Only a teeny tiny one!" Pinkie said, holding her hooves very close together to illustrate.

"If the scroll wasn't properly addressed to anypony, it would just burn up if it landed in the fireplace," I realized. "Dammit, Spike. I wish he'd taken a page out of my journal rather than using a scroll for a note. Then again, maybe he didn't have a way to read it so he'd know he wasn't ripping out text. I forgot to ask him how he read it before."

I thought for a moment. Two of Celestia's three blank scrolls were gone now: one burnt, the other sent to Trixie. I only had one blank scroll left, plus the one I kept in my tail that's already addressed for emergency purposes.

And that's when the horrible realization smacked me across the horn.

"Oh no. I can't have been that stupid. Please, please, please be wrong," I said, taking out the third blank scroll and lighting up my horn.

There was a message on it in a similar invisible ink to the one I use! One-third of a message, anyway. And, of course, it was the middle third: the most annoying possible third of all three thirds that happen to be thirds of a message.

"Fuck," I spat.

"Really?!" said Pinkie Pie, her eyes wide.

I glared at Pinkie, and she pouted.

"Trixie has one of the thirds, and the last third is lost if it's the burnt scroll in the fireplace. Trixie might send her scroll back to me, though, because I gave her that option. Shit, shit, shit. I can't believe I didn't look at it using magic light," I said.

"Live and learn?" said Pinkie, trying to cheer me up.

"I just assumed from the tone of the coded letter she sent me that she wouldn't need to send me another message at the same time. So stupid," I griped, seriously angry with myself.

"Maybe there's enough of a message for you to get the message here?" asked Pinkie.

"Here's all I've got." I read the message out loud. I have it copied here in case I need to reuse the back of the scroll (which will be likely).

was not a bluff. Apparently, the Crystal Royal Guard are indeed under Fluttershy's control. Her story is that Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor left to go somewhere (she claims not to know where) for a second honeymoon, and left her in charge of the Empire. Did I mention it was Fluttershy acting as regent? Your friend, the yellow one who rarely speaks in public? The Captain of the Guard or a Minister of the Cabinet should be the Head of State in a situation like this, not a friend from another land. Of course, Fluttershy's story makes no sense, but I did not push the issue. The Guardship appears to agree with her, which means Princess Cadance must have put her in charge before leaving, and she must have had good reason. It seems very likely that Fluttershy shares a secret with your brother and sister-in-law, but I don't know what that secret might be. Princess Luna previously warned me about Cadance's dreams, as she did with you. I haven't heard from Luna or anypony else since my arrival, and this begins to concern me.

Now the train station is blocked, supposedly due to weather, and I cannot leave the Empire. I have been given guest quarters in the castle, but my sleep is uneasy. Fortunately, I have the ability to protect myself while I sleep, and I doubt the entire Guardship could take me prisoner even if it came to that. However, I do not trust Fluttershy while she holds these secrets from me. What could Fluttershy, Cadance, and Shining Armor be hiding from us, Twilight? Have you uncovered any information about this mystery? I still haven't a guess. Talking to the guards is yielding no fruit; it is clear they have been ordered to keep quiet, and I think many of them are as clueless as I am (though the ones posted to my door seem to be hiding something).

Your suspicions were absolutely correct, Princess Twilight Sparkle. I've learned to trust your judgment sometimes above even my own, and it is a good thing I

I furrowed my brow in confusion, staring at the scroll. "This makes no sense, Pinkie. She sent this note after sending me the coded message about the vamponies, and this is clearly her hoofwriting, unless I mistranlated—" I said, then froze in mid-sentence.

"I'm... guessing the brainfreeze means you mistranslated," said Pinkie Pie.

There was a very soft knock at the door. Pinkie went to get the door, let Zecora in, and they both walked back upstairs to see me.

"...and then her brain kind of stopped at 'mistranslated'," said Pinkie, apparently catching Zecora up in short order.

If I were at my desk, I'd have literally slammed my head into it. I settled for a hoof to the forehead. "The coded message was a fake! A guard handed it to me, I just trusted him because he pretended to not know what the batponies were doing. Argh! Somepony probably wrote it to waste my time, or convince me to sit around waiting for Celestia to send a message that might not arrive," I said. "I can't believe it. Two fatal mistakes, one after the other. And I didn't even stop to realize that at least one of the scrolls would need to be addressed for Celestia to even be able to send them to me at all!"

"You have been under stress quite high; mistakes are bound: just let them die," said Zecora, gently placing a hoof on my withers.

"Wait, does this mean we should be doing the opposite of what the coded message said, then?" said Pinkie, scrunching up her face in apparent confusion.

"Not necessarily, no," I explained. "Just because the enemy wants something doesn't mean the opposite would serve them any worse. But in this case... maybe."

Zecora shook her head. "To lose element of surprise, might just hasten your friends' demise."

I paused in thought. "Telling the town would lead to outright war, and totally blow our cover. That isn't what we want," I said. "Telling a few trustworthy ponies might work, however. But even though I'm a princess, most ponies in this town trust Rarity and Big Macintosh more than Spike or me or even Zecora. They've been around a hell of a lot longer than we have, and anyway, the rumors are that I'm totally nuts. Cheerilee would believe me, but she's already compromised. Wait! Mayor Mare!" I realized.

"...just left for Canterlot," said Pinkie Pie, with a sheepish grin. "Yesterday afternoon, while you were sleeping."

"Ugh! Okay, okay. So, I guess it would need to be somepony who would trust Pinkie Pie more than Rarity. No offense Pinkie, but that's a tall order... Wait, maybe the Cakes? Pinkie?" I asked.

"Oh! No, wait. I think somepony got to them. I'm sorry Twilight! I mean, I don't think they're vamponies, but I think Rarity warned them about me being weird or something, because they've been keeping tabs on me," she said. "I've had to get reeeeeally creative with my fake-Pinkie-sleeping-strategy. See, I use Gummy to make the sleeping sounds, and I have this wicker basket—"

"Eager little ball of Pink: give Twilight some room to think!" Zecora chastised, then headed to the basement (presumably to resume work).

"I'm sorry Twilight. I just want to help," said Pinkie Pie. "I know I get carried away."

She looked sad, so I hugged her. "It's okay," I said, and she cheered right up.

Then she kissed my horn, and I felt a shiver pass through it.

"Pinkie, th-that's kind of personal," I complained, even though it felt amazing. I could feel my horn thrumming, kind of like when it casts a spell, but different. It was deeper, gentler, and not under my control. I saw the tiniest glow come from it, as well, which is something I've never really seen a horn do before.

"Well yeah! Hornboners are super-personal," she grinned.

"Hornboners?" I asked, incredulous. "This cannot be a thing, Pinkie. I've never heard of it."

"Probably because it's illegal, silly! Even I know that," she admitted.

She's right. It's like, the first thing unicorn foals are taught: never let anypony touch your horn, period. Not even your spouse. Even parents stop touching it once the foal learns to clean themself. The only exception is for doctors or hooficure specialists or whatever, and even they're never supposed to touch it with a bare hoof. It's such a huge taboo I never stopped to realize it might be illegal. There's no specific law about it, but it would fall under assault and gross indecency. You're not supposed to touch your own horn either, unless you're cleaning it (at least that's what I was taught back when my parents weren't horrible perverts).

"I guess you're right. But it's illegal for a reason, Pinkie."

"Which is?"

I paused. "Okay, I don't know, apart from tradition. I know why it's illegal for someone other than your spouse to touch it, but I guess I don't see why your spouse or even your sexual partner shouldn't be able to touch it. Are you sure that would get you in trouble?"

Pinkie's eyes widened and she nodded. "It sure will! The same thing is true for wings," she added. "I always make sure somepony I'm with is 100% okay with hornstuff before I do hornstuff because I really don't want to end up on the registry of doom," she said. "But fortunately I'm a mare, so I can get away with a lot more."

"What do you mean with wings? You mean, you're not supposed to touch them? Why wouldn't Rainbow teach me that?" I asked.

"It's not quite as severe there. You can do it with your spouse. I mean, preening, and touching wingboners and stuff," she said.

"Wingboners? Pinkie, you're pulling my hoof," I said.

"Oh! Can't forget hoofboners! But only earth ponies get those, and since you're not a full alicorn you shouldn't get them. Celestia and Luna do though!" said Pinkie.

"Okay, now I know you're kidding. This is insane. I believe the horn thing, but..."

Pinkie Pie reached over and placed her mouth around my horn, encircling it with her vampony tongue. Suddenly, my wings flew open wide.

"Pinkie stop," I gasped, already (ugh) wet.

She slurped off of the horn, which was throbbing and tingling with pleasure. Something in my wings felt strange, too. Unbelievable; she was totally right.

"Do you want to see a hoofboner?" she asked with a grin.

"Oh, no. No more transformations," I begged.

"Don't worry, Twilight! It's not a vampony thing. Here," she said, and she led me to the pile of cushions and shoved me backwards. I fell back onto them, unable to stop myself. Looking up at Pinkie I felt something tickle between my thighs—she'd just pushed me over without asking? Why was this arousing me?

Pinkie removed one shoe and rubbed her hoof against the cushions. "Don't be shy, just kiss it," she ordered.

Now let me be ultra-super-extra-clear: I was repulsed. This was the underside of somepony's hoof: the frog, the nail, all of that, touching the ground over and over. Even if you wear shoes, it gets a little dirty. Granted, it wasn't dirty, but it smelled a little, and it wasn't appetizing. But once again, something about the experience clicked, and I was incredibly horny.

I sat there, kind of dumbfounded, and then she said, "Here, let me help you!"

And she shoved the frog of her foot right up against my lips. Like she wanted a kiss. It was disgusting. But...

I inhaled deeply, despite myself, then I pushed it a little away from my muzzle with my hooves. Pinkie was standing over me, basically stepping on my face. The frog was so pretty—yes I know it's disgusting, but the curves, I never really noticed what an underhoof looks like before, not this close anyway. It was pretty, and it smelled strange and somehow intoxicating, and I actually licked my lips and kissed it. My wings splayed out from under me as I did, and my horn still throbbed.

"Ooh, good princess," she giggled. "Give it a little lick, it's okay!" she encouraged.

"Pinkie, this is sick," I whispered against her hoof, snuffling a little, and then I went and licked it anyway.

I licked her right in the cleft of her frog. It was (ew) tangy, but not that bad. Earthen, primal, in a sense. I don't think the frog is really where most of the odor comes from, anyway, I think it's the unmanicured nail of the hoof that does it, but I didn't mind the smell anymore, and in fact I was starting to love it. I realized I was turning into a pervert right then and there, and I loved that too. Fuck, it's awful, but it was so hot, I just can't explain it.

Pinkie Pie gasped, and that's when I felt it. The frog thickened and pressed back against my tongue. It pulsed. It was a hoofboner. Pinkie immediately got wet (I could smell that too, even this close to the hoof), and she moaned out loud. I tasted the tiniest traces of hoofgoo on it, too: not enough to affect me, but pleasant nonetheless. I'm pretty sure as a half-vampony I have slightly enhanced senses, actually; I'm going to miss those. Anyway, Pinkie was making noises of ecstasy, and I really hoped Zecora couldn't hear us, but I couldn't stop. I started kissing and nibbling and sucking on the base of Pinkie's hoof, listening to her little squeals of pleasure, and the only thing that could have stopped us, actually happened (probably for the best, but at the time I was disappointed).

"Holy shit," said Spike. He was standing on the upstairs landing, watching us; and yes, he was... you know, down there. I still don't like saying it. (Actually, I was so shocked and embarrassed, I forgot to berate him for the expletive.)

"Spike!" I yelped, and tried to cover myself up with a blanket. I pushed Pinkie's hoof so far back she nearly toppled.

"Please, don't stop," he begged, eyes wide.

"NO. I'll talk to you in a minute. Go put ice on that thing," I ordered him.

Spike sighed. "Should've kept my big yap shut," he griped. "It's nice to see you loosening up though, Twilight."

"I'm not loose! I'm just... Pinkie was teaching me about hoofboners—oh Celestia that sounds so incredibly stupid when I say it."

"Twilight, I know about hoofboners," said Spike, rolling his eyes almost like I was the foal.

"What? How do you know about hoofboners?!"

"I overheard Fluttershy and Rarity about a year ago, when she first started dating Mac," he shrugged, then walked into the kitchen to get some ice (I didn't mean literally, but hay, if it works).

"But Fluttershy and Mac weren't having sex before the vampony thing. Applejack was very clear about that," I said.

"Um, Twilight," said Pinkie, shivering as she wiped her foot on a blanket and replaced her shoe. "I hate to tell you this, but AJ was just being polite in front of other ponies. Of course they were having sex. Applejack knows that. That's what ponies in love do," she explained.

"What?! They've been having sex for a year?" I facehoofed with both forehooves. "How could I have missed all of this?"

"You've always been kind of a prude—no offense," said Pinkie Pie, with a sheepish grin. "Again, we were going to start working with you on that. Starting with the Pony Piles, then moving into other fun stuff," she giggled. "But then the vampony thing happened and everything had to speed up."

"I have lived a sheltered life. I never knew," I murmured.

"Well, it's just how your parents wanted to raise you," said Pinkie, "coupled with not doing much with friends until you moved to Ponyville. Usually this is stuff kids talk about, not adults. It's harder to break the ice..."

"Speaking of which," Spike called from the kitchen, "this hurts. How long do I need to punish myself?"

"It's not punishment. I just meant cool down and put that thing away. It was a figure of speech," I explained.

"What? Sheesh," he wailed. "Well, you win sis, it's definitely away." I heard sounds of Spike cleaning up in the kitchen.

I turned my attention back to Pinkie. "So you're saying I can't do that. The hoof thing, I mean," I said.

"If Rarity's correct, yeah. You don't have the strength and mass and other neat stuff earth ponies have because you're a pegacorn rather than a full alicorn," she said.

"I never thought earth pony nature would have added any abilities. I mean, I figure, aren't unicorns just earth ponies with horns?" I asked, and immediately regretted it. Pinkie Pie's sour expression made me wince.

"NO, Twilight. Earth ponies aren't just unicorns with our horns chopped off, or pegasi without wings," she said.

"Hmm. Well, that's true. At least pegasi without wings could stand on clouds," I said, then noticed her exasperated expression. "No! I mean, obviously, there's more to earth ponies, it's just not something they teach us much about in school. Yes, I know you have incredible mass and leg strength."

Pinkie seemed to brighten right up. "Yep! Other stuff too, but earth ponies mainly keep to ourselves about earth pony stuff. But let's see," she said, lifting my hoof and immediately kissing and licking it.

"Okay, that feels weird. And it tickles. It's maybe a little bit erotic, because you're licking me at all, maybe even moreso because it's the hoof, but I don't feel anything swelling," I admitted.

Pinkie rubbed at the cleft of my frog with her hoof. "Yep! Rarity's right."

"We don't know that. Alicorns might not get hoofboners," I countered, once again feeling ridiculous for using 'hoofboners' in a sentence. (Great, and now I just did it twice in one sentence.)

"I dunno, Twilight. I'm pretty sure I've seen Luna with a hoofboner before. I wandered into one of her dreams once," Pinkie confessed.

"Oh, well... Wait, you wandered into her dream? What?" I said. (But to be honest, I probably shouldn't be surprised at anything Pinkie can do at this point.)

"Yep! It was an accident, though. I can't do intentionals," she said.

Spike walked over. I stood up and the three of us went upstairs for a quick meeting to catch up on actual, non-hoofboner-related details.

"Okay. First off, where the hay were you, Spike?" I asked.

"Hay, I left a note!"

"Did you use one of the scrolls?" I asked.

"Yeah, but just the edge of one. It's totally still useable."

"It blew into the fireplace."

"Oh, aheh. Sorry."

"It'd be okay if it didn't have one-third of a letter from Princess Celestia on it," I said.

"What?!" yelped Spike.

"Twilight said, 'It'd be okay if it didn't'—" Pinkie Pie began.

"I think he heard me, Pinkie."

"Sweet Celestia, I had no idea! I'm so sorry Twilight, I—"

"It's okay. I was really, really stupid not to check the scrolls for information. Here's the middle of the message she sent me," I said, then read it aloud again.

"Ooh! It sounds even better the second time you hear it," Pinkie commented.

"But that doesn't make sense," said Spike.

"I know. The coded message is a forgery," I said.

Spike frowned and looked really guilty. I reached over and hugged him.

"It's going to be okay, these things happen. Neither one of us knew. But where were you?" I asked.

"Oh, I was, um... I was asleep. Outside on the balcony," he said.

"It's misty and cold outside. Why the hay were you there?" I asked.

Spike shrugged. "I couldn't get to sleep in here, so I went outside, but then I fell asleep?" he said, more like a question than an answer though.

I nodded. "Alright, I'm just glad you're okay."

"Oh! Oh!" said Pinkie, raising her hoof.

"Yes. Pinkie," I called.

"I did some recon. Not much to report, except Granny Smith seems to be locked down in her house. And she looks a lot younger, too!" she said.

"Eww. Just no. They wouldn't possibly involve... Wait. Does being a vampony reverse aging or make you immortal or something?" I asked.

Pinkie shook her head. "I don't think so. It does shape your appearance a little, though, so maybe that's it. Or maybe they just got her lots of plastic surgery so the sex would be hotter—"

Spike mock-vomited (at least, I hope it was pretend), holding his claws over his mouth. "Ugh. Sorry, that's too much for me," he said, and left for bed (inside, this time). He still looks pretty guilty, but I'm sure it's because of the letter. He'll let it go soon.

"Well, Smith Apple is assumed compromised. That's about all the ponies in town who might trust any of us," I sighed.

"Wait," said Pinkie. "Apple Bloom is good friends with Zecora!"

"That's true. She's good friends with me, too," I said. "Actually, any of the Cutie Mark Crusaders would listen to me, but don't you think Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are already... Celestia, I can't imagine even the vamponies would do something like that to little foals," I said, disgusted by the very thought. "Until I find out otherwise, I will assume they are in danger and need our protection. But we can't go to them as a first resort. It's still too dangerous. If only Rainbow Dash were here," I said. "Or Applejack. Either one of them would be able to round up the town's support in a heartbeat."

Pinkie Pie had already fallen asleep on the floor.

I'm taking a nap until dawn, myself, after I reverse the infection again. Then I can finally start work on an all-situation counterspell to reverse this madness.

I don't know what can be done for the brain thing, but I guess we'll deal with that once everything is mostly back to normal. Baby hoofsteps.

Still, I can't shake a nagging feeling. If hornboners and hoofboners and wingboners are all similar, then why is it illegal to touch another unicorn's horn? Just tradition, I suppose, but it still seems very strange it would be verboten even for sex between spouses. It's another one of those things that I never thought about, but now that I do, I really don't get it.

I wish I could talk to Celestia.

...wait. Did Spike call me 'sis'?

ONE OF THE EARLIEST ENTRIES IS NOT IN TWILIGHT'S HOOF

.Day 51 (Success!)

I woke up about noon. Spike informs me that Pinkie Pie left stealthily at dawn and will return at dusk. Zecora is still downstairs working. She says she'll call me if she needs anything or when she makes progress, though I'm not sure how she can do any testing without a vampony (i.e. Pinkie) present. I forgot to mention that Pinkie told Zecora she was a vampony as soon as she met up with her several days ago (I've lost track), but that should already be obvious from context, I think.

The first task at hoof (after a paranoid spellcasting) is getting a message back to Celestia. Unfortunately, I only have one scroll on which to do it: the one she sent me that I didn't destroy or lose.

I'm saving the last scroll that Spike sent me before my Canterlot trip for emergencies... let's just say I still have a trick or two up my sleeve. (I know this is probably confusing because Spike delivered me three scrolls before I left for Canterlot, and Celestia also sent three scrolls to Spike which appeared to be blank (one of which went to Trixie), and there's a seventh scroll that was the now-presumed-forged note from Celestia, but that one is written on both sides in visible ink so it's useless now.)

Ugh, the logistics are a mess here. Summing up: I have two scrolls I can use. One is addressed for emergency use, and I keep that with me at all times. The other is going to Celestia right now so she knows I received her message finally. Unfortunately Celestia won't be able to reuse the scroll I'm sending back: I need to use visible ink because her ink was invisible (and I don't want to confuse her by using visible on one side and invisible on the blank side).

I had Spike take the note for me:

Dear Princess Celestia (Roaming),

It's I. I got the middle-third of message. Other two thirds lost (long story), but I get the gist. Somepony tricked me with a false message from you so I didn't discover this one until last night.

Escape castle as soon as you can. Fluttershy, Shining Armor, Cadance, my family, Apple family, Cheerilee, and Rarity are all vamponies: powerful shapeshifting ponies with insanely high libido. They seem intent on releasing forbidden information to the public and changing society via something called the "Order of Spring"; sexual dominance is a part of the culture. Cadance and Rarity have had horns removed, and Rarity is making fake horns and jewelry. Jewelry is badging mechanism. Rainbow Dash is hiding, AJ is captive and probably a vampony now. Spike and I are in hiding with Zecora and Pinkie, Ponyville thinks I'm crazy. Pinkie is also a vampony, but for some reason she's still on my side. I'm infected, but I have a spell to delay the infection indefinitely. It's included below so this note is short. I'm working on adapting it to a full cure that works on targets other than the caster. I have questions for you about forbidden knowledge I need answered, but I'm out of space and out of scrolls. Please write back, send scrolls if possible. Trust nopony.

—PTS.

The rest of the space on the scroll was dedicated to the spell transcription.

Oh! While dictating the letter, I just remembered something critical. When Mac lifted me by my horn, I wasn't able to cast spells. I thought it might have been because I'd just been thrown for a loop by the kick to the tree, but... what if touching a unicorn's horn keeps them from using it? Would that be enough of a 'thing' to create such a powerful social taboo? Perhaps, but I am highly skeptical of this theory, for two reasons.

First and foremost, unicorns aren't taught that touching a horn prevents its usage. The taboo effectively prevents it from being an issue, I suppose, but I'm highly doubtful that merely touching a unicorn's horn can prevent spellcasting when I've neither seen nor heard evidence of this.

Second, even if it were true, it would make no sense to keep the taboo and keep the fact secret at the same time. If ponies knew unicorn horns could be suppressed with simple contact, the taboo would be reinforced, and it would be useful knowledge for guards handling prisoners or soldiery in times of war. So even if a severe taboo and illegality is wanted, hiding the fact makes no sense. This is the main reason I find it impossible to believe, and instead assume it was just me being stunned from what had happened. But that shouldn't have stopped me, since I didn't get the concussion until after Mac delivered a hoof to my face... I felt like my magic just didn't work. This raises a more likely, and frightening, possibility: Big Macintosh's darkhoof powers may have somehow allowed him to cancel my magic.

No, wait. I forgot something I've known forever: bumping a horn during spellcasting does stop it from working! But I always just assumed it was because it prevented you from concentrating. Crap. I'll have to run some experiments here just to be sure. Just a moment.

Okay. I've (embarrassingly) tried manipulating my own horn with my hooves (shut up), and my own touch absolutely does not suppress my horn use. Oddly enough, even if I bump it kind of hard, I can maintain its use with no difficulty. This doesn't match my recollection of Dash (she's a bit of a roughhouser) and my brother (a couple of times as a foal) bapping my horn, which did stop it from working. However, being bapped on the horn is so taboo that it's a social shock, like being slapped on the rump or actually worse than that, so nopony could be expected to concentrate after that kind of violation. So I still don't know.

I'm going to wait until Zecora makes progress before I ask her for assistance in testing further (hopefully she'll be okay with it). I really don't want Spike touching my horn, even though he shyly volunteered—that's too personal, and even though it's for a science experiment it is not appropriate for an eleven year-old colt of any species, period. It might be a while before I can enlist Zecora's help, though, because she appears to be making mass quantities of various preparations. (It actually smells rather nice down there. Again, I think I'll miss these vampony senses, even though I only have them a little bit. Maybe I can learn to hone my normal ~~pegacorn~~ (ugh, dammit Pinkie) alicorn senses over time, though.)

Update! I've succeeded with the spell! (I'll set the title of this entry to "Success!" now to celebrate.) I mean, I've been able to adapt the spell to be a complete cure for anypony in the infection stage.

Two downsides. First, I don't know if it works once the turning is complete; but I suspect it will work and turn a "total" vampony back into a non-vampony. So that's not a huge downside unless my suspicion is wrong. But the second downside is that the spell still only works on the caster, so I can't test it on Pinkie to see—and I'm not willing to go "full vampony" just to find out whether or not I'm screwed.

This is a very tricky spell to modify. I may need to resort to creating a ritualistic mana bridge, but that will take a lot of experimentation, days if not weeks. And that's not really what I want, either, because it would require voluntary participation on the vampony's part. I don't think my brother wants to stop being a vampony (assuming he is one, as evidence suggests) and I'm sure Cadance, Rarity, and Fluttershy don't.

That said, I am now free of the vampony infection for the first time in a few days (it felt like weeks, though, so agonizing). There is a minor problem, however. I'm still very horny. I guess some of that is normal, maybe, because of all the sex stuff going on around me? Some of it is likely due to my specific experiences, too. I'm worried that turning into a pervert is some kind of a permanent disability, because it is highly inconvenient and unsanitary. I might need to, er, masturbate soon, like in the bathroom or something.

Dammit. I wish I'd sent the letter to Celestia after I fixed the spell, but it was still the right move to send it ASAP.

I'll start a new entry when Pinkie returns, and leave the customary space here in case I need to amend things (more likely here than all those empty spaces I'm not using in the last few entries, due to the spell stuff, but better safe than sorry—there's plenty of room left in this Journal of Unspeakable Horrors).

PROOF FOLLOWS TWILIGHT'S LETTER TO TRIXIE

.Day 51 (Undercover Plans)

Before Pinkie gets back, I have to put something down that will be relevant to my discussion with her (so it belongs in this entry). I have an amazing idea! I remembered I know how to create an enchanted scrying crystal I can use for "television" (you know, the act of seeing things from a distance through a magical window), and I have the materials here with me. So I've put one together. (I've also made it work for telehearing, but not telesmelling because that seems excessive and I'm kind of afraid of what might happen.)

My hope is that Pinkie can sneak into Rarity's workshop and I can get a closer look at what she's doing. Pinkie's not a bad source of information, but a picture is worth a thousand words. Or several thousand Pinkie words, given that Pinkie is a bit, um, long-winded. Sorry, but it's true. And I trust her descriptions, but I think they might be a little jumbled in her head sometimes. She doesn't have the exacting eye for detail that Rarity and I do. Pinkie seems to rely instead on intuitive and emotional leaps, which tend to be right more often than not. I suspect this means it's her subconscious that actually doing all the heavy lifting and data organization. It's a personality thing, and it intrigues me. (This is Pinkie all the time, too, not just the vampony stuff.)

Okay, it's nearly sunset and Pinkie is not here yet. I've decided to speak with Zecora about the horn thing.

The basement looks like a production warehouse. Zecora was able to use some spare containers I have here and there are literally dozens of vials of potions and powders being prepared.

"Hay Zecora. How are things?" I asked.

"Preparations underway, that is all I have to say," she said, and smirked. (I don't think I've ever seen her do that before.)

"Can you tell me what all this is for?" I asked. "I can definitely use your help, but are you sure we're going to need all of this?"

"Worry not, my little pony: none of my prescription's phony. To combat vampony plans, I have brewed what our need demands. This, to start, should offer proof. Come here and hold out your hoof," she rhymed.

I offered my hoof up to Zecora, and she sprinkled just a tiny bit of red powder onto it. Almost immediately I felt my muscles tense. I quickly withdrew my hoof.

"Yikes! Some kind of a paralytic agent?" I asked.

"Yes, I do believe you see. It's best when delivered with tea," she offered.

"Huh. That might come in handy. What about the rest of these?"

"Some are yet experiments, other vials are for defense. You can read about them here: scan this pamphlet front to rear." Zecora hoofed me a small folded pamphlet she had apparently written information on about her preparations. I glanced through it. Here's the checklist of what we have so far:

* Sixty-nine large vials of paralytic powder, enough to poison all of Ponyville, should it come to that. Zecora took care to ensure that the effective dose is very far from the lethal dose (it's nearly impossible to take in a lethal amount).

* Thirty-four elixirs which suppress libido (Zecora used the word 'fix', actually), two doses each. I'd love more of these, but she says materials are limited. Apparently, wolfsbane is an ingredient (even though they should work well on non-vamponies(?); I'll need to look into the botany behind this soon).

* Thirteen pale, semi-transparent unguents which cure wounds and sterilize, many doses each. These might stop a vampony infection before it starts, but only if applied minutes after a bite, so these are probably only useful for first aid.

* Thirty chartreuse potions of suggestibility, which produce euphoria, sedate the victim, and make it easier for them to both comply and tell the truth. These have a flexible variety of uses (described below).

* Twenty-six tiny pills of vivid azure. Obviously concentrated Poison Joke, these should come in handy even though the effects are unpredictable. They're covered in a thin film of protectant that will dissolve in any aqueous solution.

* Sixty-three tubes of shimmering orange liquid. She says these are a surprise she'll show me later; they're not quite ready because they have to rest longer.

Zecora says she is planning thirty-nine more of the potions, and that's what she's working on now. The potions can be condensed with magic into small tablets that can be sprinkled into food, but they grow in the stomach so they should be taken on an empty stomach (lest the subject emesis from an overflowing tummy). She also has some experimental solutions to try on Pinkie Pie, but those can wait until she has more time to calibrate their potential effects.

I'm still not sure why we need so much of this stuff, but she seems to know what she's doing, and I trust her. I suspect she has plans that she knows will enmesh with my own, since I'm basically the boss for our little resistance.

Okay. So, I broached the subject. Ugh.

"Zecora, I need to conduct an experiment, but it's a little sensitive. I need somepony to grab my horn, firmly. I want to see if contact can inhibit magic, and if so, how," I said, unsuccessfully avoiding a blush. "There's nothing in Equestrian texts about this, but evidence is starting to pile up that there might be something to it."

"Twilight, I appreciate your honesty, but we should wait. I am your mentor, and we must maintain relationships of trust. I think that Pinkie might be best to put your theory to the test," she said, but smiled despite her deep blush. It looked like she was suppressing a giggle, but I assume I must have looked rather silly.

Was I the only adult unicorn in Equestria who didn't know that horns had an erotic component to them? What is happening to my world? Innocence, I miss you dearly, even though I shouldn't.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention something troubling. After speaking with Zecora I stepped out onto the balcony (night had just fallen), and I found the strangest thing. It's definitely Rarity's work, and it has her cutie mark emblazoned on the flat side, but it isn't hidden like the symbols on the collars and such. Not that it would be, anyway, since Rarity's a mare and I think only stallions are running the show (stallions in charge—so bizarre). But her cutie mark is done up in sapphires, and it's an exquisite piece of work, even for her.

Anyway, the device seems to be made out of stainless steel. It's very smooth, and it's shaped like a sphere with one end tapered, and the other end narrowed but then flaring outward into that flat surface with her cutie mark on it. It looks a lot like a doorstop, but it's ridiculously fancy for a doorstop (even for Zecora, who has some highly elaborate doorstops) so I have no idea what it could be? It was just sitting there right on the balcony, wet from the recent rain. It smells rather pleasant, a little like burnt spices and saffron.

So here's the problem: how did it get up there? Does this mean Rarity was on our balcony? Does she already know I'm here? Maybe Spike has some idea. I want to ask him what he thinks, but he's napping. I don't understand why he's so tired lately, but he's been under a significant amount of stress, so I'm letting him doze. I'm keeping all the blinds down as usual (and I have them set up for total coverage), so even if she was up there she shouldn't have been able to see in.

Pinkie Pie returned while I was writing the last part. She had saddlebags on, in addition to the usual collar, shoes, and earrings. She wasn't wearing her ninja outfit, but she did come in by the balcony.

"Hi Twilight!" she said, jumping in and immediately assaulting me with words. "Today was super busy at Sugarcube Corner. Rarity came by like twice and the Cakes were watching me like hawks. Well, not really like hawks, more like ponies. But like ponies who think they're hawks, maybe? Twilight, do the Cakes think they're birds?!" she said in a single breath, then gasped for air and probably also dramatic effect.

"Pinkie, please stop talking for a second. I need you to be serious," I said.

"I am serious! Anyway, I think I should talk to Rarity about what you said I could do—"

"Actually, that's a great idea," I said, interrupting her before she could sidetrack again. "I have a crystal you can wear that will let me see and hear anything it's pointed at. I was hoping you could sneak into Rarity's shop while she's asleep so I could get a closer look at what she's doing."

"Oooooooooooooo," said Pinkie as she took the crystal from me. "Maybe I can hang it on my forelock?"

"Why not your collar or as a necklace?" I asked.

"Oh, I think Rarity really wouldn't like that," said Pinkie Pie. "And I don't wanna upset her because she's still pretty nice to me mostly. And maybe it'd be nice for you to see what she has to say?"

"I doubt that, but it's an idea. Anyway, Zecora's been milling up potions downstairs like crazy, and... oh!" I said, reaching back to grab the device off the table. "I found this outside the balcony. Did you leave it there? I'm concerned Rarity might know I'm here. I'm not prepared to fight off half-a-dozen vamponies yet."

Pinkie took the device and blushed. "Hee hee! Oh Twilight. Don't you know what this is?"

"I figured it was a 'dildo' thing, or something," I said.

Pinkie shook her head. "I'll tell you later when you're less snippy. But it is a sexy thing, yep! Is it Spike's?"

Judging from Pinkie's reaction, I must have made a pretty nasty-looking face just then.

"Pinkie, no. I found it on the balcony. Rarity doesn't even know Spike is here, and a sex device thing is not something for little boy dragons," I said. "I'm sure she'd like the idea, but I doubt she planted it there."

"Hmmm," said Pinkie, narrowing her eyes. "Well, if you say so!"

"Oh, and I cured the vampony curse!" I smiled.

Pinkie's face fell. "Awww!" she pouted.

"Pinkie!"

"But it's so much fun, Twilight! I guess it's okay if you feel better now, though..."

I sighed. "Well, that's the thing. I don't. I'm still really horny and I don't know why. But I know the infection is 100% cured. I don't understand what's wrong with me."

"Being horny is normal, Twilight. That's all part of being a pony," insisted Pinkie Pie. "You were weird before and now you know what it's like for other ponies."

"How am I supposed to manage this?" I asked her.

"I dunno! But if you became a vampony all the way, it would be a lot easier. You could always cure it again, right?" she asked.

"I don't know if it works once the infection is complete yet," I said. "I'm not willing to test becoming a vampony on myself, either. It's too much of a risk."

"Well, that's silly. You don't know what you're missing! Please please please don't cure me though, I really really really really really love being a darkhoof," said Pinkie, and she grinned an unnerving fangy grin.

"I... I respect your wishes for now, Pinkie. The spell doesn't work on other ponies yet anyway, and it will be a long time before I manage to pull that off," I explained.

(Pinkie Pie breathed a huge sigh of relief.)

"So, will you do it?" I said.

"You want me to go to the Carousel Boutique tonight?" asked Pinkie Pie.

I shook my head. "Tomorrow night. I need to run a few more tests."

"Oh! That's good. Hay, I was thinking, I know a pony who probably isn't a vampony and might be able to help you out! And he might think you're crazy in the noggin because of Rarity, but I'm sure you can convince him otherwise. You need friends right now, right?" she asked.

"Who?" I said.

"Hoo!" said Owlowiscious. (I've been neglecting him a little. I'll spend some time with him before bed.)

"Thunderlane! He's one of the strongest fliers in Ponyville, and he's a stallion, which is something you don't have on your side yet, right?" said Pinkie Pie.

"Wow. Actually, that's a great idea, Pinkie. But how will you get him in unseen? I don't want to wait until tomorrow night because we need to move on this plan and I can't trust anyone but Spike and Zecora during the viewing," I said.

"Well, if I have a key to the library, I can just come and go and it will look normal, like I'm looking after the place while you and Spike are gone. I can bring him here then, and we'll just say he needed to do some flight research or something. But you should probably think that up because dorky excuses are really more your department," said Pinkie.

"Perfect, there are extra keys, and that makes sense. It's a plan, then. You bring Thunderlane, but don't tell him anything about what's going on. We don't want to frighten him off and blow our cover," I said.

"One thing first, Twilight," said Pinkie Pie, and she pulled out something from her saddlebags.

A marble collar and marble earrings, the smaller second-generation type.

"Pinkie that is not funny," I said, shuddering.

"No no no! Twilight, your earrings are like, waaay too distracting now. They're huge and they draw attention," said Pinkie.

"Well, if you have a tool to remove them, then you can just take them out, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, but then you'll have these huge ear holes."

"What? Rarity said those were temporary!"

"She wasn't exactly right about that. But this here," said Pinkie Pie, gesturing to the middle of the marble earring, "will fix your ear-holes in just a few days. They're designed to stretch it back to a normal shape. And in the meantime it will look a lot less conspiracus. Cornacopious?"

"Conspicuous," I corrected.

"Yep! That's the one."

"But the collar is ridiculous. There's just no way."

"It might fool the vamponies into thinking you're already under control, doncha think? At least try it on!" said Pinkie, wearing an enormous grin.

"I don't know..."

Before I could react, Pinkie leaned forward and snapped the collar around my neck in a smooth, fluid motion. Then she kissed me right on my nose, and my cheeks burned like fire.

I wanted to scream, but I was too stunned. Cool metal encircled my throat. It feels... it feels like somepony grabbing me around the neck, but gently enough that I can still breathe and swallow. It's heavy enough that I can feel it pulling on my neck constantly, and... and it's just really, really weird and wrong.

"Pinkie, what did I just say?" I asked, shivering in place.

"You said you don't know! So, now you know, right?"

"Take it off," I ordered, though my voice didn't sound very authoritative. I don't know. It must be something about the cold feel of the collar that makes me want to leave it on. It's comforting. No. That's stupid.

"Okay," said Pinkie. She struggled with it for a few seconds, and I sighed.

"You don't know how to take it off, do you?" I realized.

Pinkie grinned sheepishly. "Oops?" she said. "Please don't be mad!"

"No, it's okay. You're probably right about blending in with the vamponies," I said. I think I might have been rationalizing the collar, though. Like I want it to stay—no, no, no, this is really dumb. No. I'm not thinking about this now.

I did let Pinkie fix the smaller earrings into my ears, however. The process hurt like Tartarus, but I was able to numb it with a balm from Zecora. At least it will fix my ears in a few days, and it's definitely an improvement over the huge gaudy things that were in there previously. They look nice and are much less obvious, though the bases of the earring are still surprisingly heavy. I can feel them constantly, gently tugging at the bottom of my ears.

This all feels so weird. But I think the coolness of the metal might help me get to sleep tonight, and the marble does look really pretty. And the ring on the front, is... is this supposed to be like a dog collar? Is that what this is, something to lead a mare around with on a leash? I can't even imagine, I mean... hold on a moment, I need to go do something.

Ugh. Okay, I hope this is unrelated, but I needed to go to the bathroom and um, "tend to myself" just now; but it wasn't so bad. I couldn't stop thinking about Pinkie Pie for some reason, which is disturbing, because I was imagining touching her down there and I really shouldn't go into details, but you get the idea.

What's even weirder is with her freaky vampony senses she knew what I was doing, because once I came out of the bathroom she offered to help me the next time. At least she was nice enough to wait until I'd finished! I politely turned her down. Her offer actually made things worse, because now writing this and thinking about it I think I'm getting horny again. And I thought I just fixed being horny? I... I don't understand any of this.

Spike is still asleep, oddly (I can hear him snoring though so he's fine), and Pinkie doesn't seem tired (she did want to crash here again which is fine by me), but I need a normal night's sleep for the first time in Celestia doesn't even know how long. I've been looking forward to a nice rest.

I'll wait until morning to try the horn experiments with Pinkie. I hope experimenting with my horn doesn't make me horny—no wait that sounds retarded.

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS

.Day 52 (Lying and Laying) (Part 1 of 2)

I woke up a little before dawn. My collar has changed, apparently. There's a soft, furry lining on the inside of it now. Pinkie Pie must have added a piece to it while I was sleeping? It isn't like a slip, it's an actual part of the collar. It feels very comfortable.

Um, I'm not saying I like the collar, mind you, I'm just saying it's comfortable to wear. Bleah.

I'm a little disturbed by this because I don't know how Pinkie could have modified the collar while I was sleeping. I hope this doesn't mean Pinkie knew how to take off the collar the entire time and just didn't mention that to me. Though technically, she never said she wasn't able to remove it. Plus, I relented pretty quickly.

I need to ask her, just to be safe, but she's asleep. I can't get it off with my hooves. I could undoubtedly magic it off, and probably without damaging it, but I'd rather not mess with it right now. It feels nice, and I might actually need this at some point (maybe to convince the vamponies I'm on their side or something). I'm going to do some light reading to clear my mind, because I feel strange at the moment.

On a separate note, I seem to have misplaced Rarity's device. I might have left it in the basement, but I'd rather not risk waking Zecora for something that minor.

Oh horse apples. Spike is missing!

I can't believe I didn't notice it right away. I'm so used to his snoring that I tune it out automatically, but he's gone. It's like four in the morning and he isn't in his bed. I've checked the entire tree, including the basement (Zecora is sound asleep). He's not even out on the balcony like he said he was the last time he was missing. Where could he be?

What if he had been sleeping on the balcony? He might have been foalnapped! But who would climb the side of the tree at this time of night? Even with her vampony senses, Rarity shouldn't be able to smell him way up on the balcony on a rainy evening, and Pinkie's made it clear Rarity is keeping diurnal hours.

This doesn't make any sense. Spike was sleeping in his bed for most of the afternoon and evening, so he should be awake now, and yet he's gone. No note, nothing.

I need to think about this.

Emergency cancelled, thank goodness. Apparently Spike was on the balcony sleeping, and I just didn't see him. He just came in.

Correction. Spike wasn't sleeping outside after all... Read on.

"Spike! Where were you?" I asked.

"I... I was sleeping outside," said Spike.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why are you still sleeping outside when it's damp and cold and dangerous because it could blow our cover?"

"Look, Twilight... I need to get out of the tree sometimes. It's kind of driving me nuts being cooped up in here, and nopony can see me when it's dark out," he said.

I paused and stared at him as it dawned on me. "Spike... have you been lying to me?"

It looked like Spike was on the verge of tears.

"I don't want to talk about this," he whimpered.

"I need you to be honest with me, Spike! I have so few friends right now I can trust," I pleaded.

"I'm on your side, Twilight, I swear! I, I just, I've been out of the tree, and some ponies know I'm in town," he explained.

"What? Does Rarity know?" I asked.

"Well... Yeah. She knows I'm staying in the library. I don't think she cares, though. She thinks you're not here, and I'm pretty sure you and Dash are the only ponies the Order is looking for. They don't see Pinkie Pie or me as threats, at least not right now. She hasn't even stopped by the library to say hi."

"It would have been nice to know this earlier," I said, the disappointment on my face obvious. "Why have you been lying to me?"

"Well... I've been watching Rarity, and you told me to stay in the library," said Spike. "I didn't want you to have to have an anxiety attack about it. I'm just really worried about her, and... and I'm really, really lonely, and I'm scared. I want to believe she's not a bad pony. But I swear, I haven't betrayed you, please..."

I sighed and held my head in my hooves. "Spike, this is awful. I feel like I can't trust you anymore. I'm not sure what to do."

"Rarity is the only thing I've kept secret, sis. I Pinkie Pie Swear it! Please, please believe me," he said, looking up to me with puppy-dog eyes. (Figuratively, though I have seen it literally before; long story.)

I snorted. "I guess I have no choice. But are you telling me everything, Spike?"

Spike winced and said nothing. I bit down on my tongue to avoid flying into a rage.

"Damn it, Spike! Look, I have too much to worry about today with the preparations for Pinkie's mission and Thunderlane coming over. I just can't deal with your issues right now! I love you, and I know you're going through a lot, and I'm not going to judge you, but I need to know if Zecora or I have been compromised."

"Nopony knows either of you are in the library, not even Rarity! Only Pinkie and me," he said. "I would never let that happen."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Come here," I ordered. Spike walked reluctantly toward me. It looked like he was afraid I was going to hit him or something.

He seemed surprised when I embraced him in a hug, and then he cried on my shoulder.

"We'll talk about this first thing tomorrow, and once we do, no more secrets between us. Until then, you have to stay inside the tree. Okay?" I said.

Spike sniffled and nodded, holding me very tightly. Then he headed off to the bathroom with his tail tucked between his legs.

Right now Spike is taking a long bath, and I'm trying not to cry. I can't stand being lied to, even by omission. It really hurts. I'm very disappointed in Spike, but to be honest, I can't fully blame him for being unable to control his psychological needs. Hell, he's been much stronger than I have in many ways, and he's still just a kid. If only we could all be as strong as we need to be, what a world that would make! But that steadfast hope, the hope of self-control, seems to be fading into the past with each passing day. I don't believe Pinkie Pie when she says becoming a vampony all the way gives you back some control. I think we're becoming part of a machine made of directionless, engine-driven ponies racing in all directions. It won't be long before we all crash and burn, no matter how much Mac and my brother and the rest of them believe the Order of Spring can bring about some kind of senseless utopia.

Rarity, however, I can be angry with. She's my friend, and I want to bring her back to her senses, and maybe she doesn't have any control over this either; but I need to blame somepony, and right now it's her. If she were standing in front of me at this moment I would slap the Mulebelline off her face so hard, between the makeup and the false eyelashes she'd look like a bucking Ponicasso.

Heh.

Sorry, Journal. That's just a hilarious image.

Anyway. Fuck you, Rarity. Er, but not in the way you'd like. (Eww gross.)

Okay. I'm waiting for Pinkie to bring Thunderlane over, but something important happened between us that bears mentioning here, despite my interest in keeping the juicy details off the record.

While Spike bathed, I was feeling pretty vulnerable so I cuddled up next to Pinkie Pie on the pile of cushions where she slept. (Does this make me a pervert? I don't know.) She immediately latched onto me with all four legs and hugged tight, still (apparently) sleeping, so once I sat down next to her, it wasn't like I could get away or anything without waking her up.

I'm not complaining, though. It was wonderful, maybe because I'm a lost cause, maybe not. I don't know what normal is anymore, and I suppose I never really did. Holding her feels so nice, and she smells like bubblegum and candy, and she's so soft... But it's really just the idea that I have a friend who loves me so much she wants to share everything with me, even physical contact, to the point where it's hard to tell where she ends and I begin and that just feels right to me.

I wonder if I'm falling in love. I still feel this way about Applejack, too. Is it possible to be in love with more than one pony? Pinkie sure seems to think so. And it feels like it's possible. I don't really care at the moment, however. Feeling her heart beat next to mine, her soft (if a bit rancid from all the candy) breath on my cheek, her warmth, the hug that covers my whole body and won't let go... it's amazing. I mean, I know I love her as a friend, but I think there's more. Yes. There's more. I'm not sure what that means, but it's true and I can no longer deny it.

Pinkie woke a few minutes later, looked me in the eyes, then kissed me right on the lips. I relaxed into the kiss, and I willingly let her inside (my mouth and my heart). This was dangerous. I mean, how deeply I was letting her into my heart, just like that. If she had asked me to come with her to see Rarity and have my brain yanked out of my skull I'm pretty sure would have said yes. But I think it's supposed to work this way? Love involves an incredible amount of trust, and maybe that's the point. The fact that my life was in her hooves made it feel even better, because I wanted her to control everything about me, to decide my fate, throwing my opinions and desires away and letting them transform into hers. I loved it, I really, really did. I was giving my entire life to her right there and then. I think she knew it, too, but she didn't take advantage of it, and that's how she showed me she loves me back. It's scary and I know it's wrong but it feels more amazing than I can describe in words.

It was even better when she pulled tightly on the ring of my collar with the tip of her hoof and forced the kiss to go deeper. I was so wet I could smell it (eww, I know, I know) so I know she could definitely pick up on it. But the telltale shivering of my shoulders and the lax touch of my tongue would have told her anyway. She knew I was hers, and I think we both liked it that way.

Eventually her legs relaxed and I was able to part from our embrace. (I thought she might start hoofing me off, to be honest, but she wanted to talk instead. At least, at first.)

"Good morning sunshine," said Pinkie Pie, her voice cheerful as always but uncharacteristically... sultry?

"H-hi," I gasped, my hooves shaking.

"Oh! I meant good morning, Twilight. That might have been confusing," she pondered aloud.

That made me chuckle. "Good morning Pinkie," I replied.

"Hay, before I get Thunderlane I should probably show you something special! You have a lot to learn today, after all," she said.

"I... I do?"

"Yep! I mean, there's no way you'll be able to fight off those nasty vamponies until you learn just a teeny-tiny bit more about lovemaking," she said.

"Ugh. Pinkie, look, I admit it. I really, really like being this close to you. But as much as I enjoy it, you're starting to..." I said, and my voice drifted off.

"To do whaaaaat?" she asked, in a sing-songy voice.

"You're starting to, to... to own me. I feel like you could get me to do anything you wanted, and since you're a vampony that's kind of dangerous," I said.

Shit. Why did I tell her that? No, wait: I know why. I told her because I wanted her to own me. Hell, I still want it. I wanted her to take possession of me so badly it slipped right up from my subconscious and out of my mouth. Celestia, I'm so weak and stupid right now. But the shock of letting those words escape? It was like a bolt of lightning deep in my loins. I... I was dripping. I know that's gross but for some reason it doesn't seem gross anymore.

What the hell is happening to me? I mean, I'm not a vampony! Right?

Pinkie blushed and giggled. "I love you too, Twi," she whispered, and kissed me on the nose. "But you need to put some of those feelings in check. That's kind of the reason you need more experience. Once you're used to sex, it won't overwhelm you so much."

"It feels like the opposite is true, Pinkie. The closer I get to ponies, the more I want to give in further," I griped.

"Well, that's just because you don't satisfy your urges the right way! I'd better show you this morning before I go get Thunderlane, or else when we get to the library you'll greet us with your tail lifted," she said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"That... Okay, yes. That's a good idea," I said. The mental image was enough to send me another pleasant tickleshiver down below. This was starting to get ridiculous. "So..."

"Oh! Well, we can start by taking a bath together," she said.

"That might be a little cramped, Pinkie. And it sounds kind of weird, too. But, you're the boss," I relented.

"Your bathtub has plenty of room!" she insisted. "But it's the best place to teach you things because you're kinda new to all of this and some of the delicious flavors and scents can be a little overwhelming at first."

I knocked on the bathroom door, and Spike said he'd be out shortly. He'd already drained the bath a while ago so I don't know what he was doing in there. Meanwhile, I was stewing in my own juices (literally). Pinkie kept giving me these cute looks and winks while we waited, and that wasn't helping things any.

And now I guess I need to describe our bath. Oh colt.

I still can't believe I did this with my best friend. It seems wrong, but I need it like air. Even though Pinkie was right and it did help immensely, I'm going to need to stock some of the libido-blockers Zecora made. They might be in short supply, but without them, I'm in trouble. Maybe we can grow some aconitum indoors or something? Dear Celestia, I hope so...

Pinkie and I went into the bathroom together. Spike left wearing a towel around his waist and one around his head, and he looked embarrassed. He's so cute like that, though. I mean, his scales don't need a towel, but I think he wants to look like a pony with a towel for the mane and tail! I probably shouldn't tell him it makes him look like a mare, though, because colts usually have shorter manes, so they don't normally need to wear a towel like that.

Anyway, we shut the door behind us. It was already a little misty in here from Spike's long bath. He likes to take these long baths where he keeps draining and refilling the tub with hot water. I've asked him not to do it anymore because it's a waste of hot water, and Ponyville pumps in water already hot rather than using water heaters (which are dangerous and unreliable, somepony should really engineer them with a pressure-release valve or something), but at least he doesn't do it for seven hours straight anymore.

Oh, and Rarity's device was resting on the sink. It still had that pleasant scent on it.

"Oh, yuck. I really need to break it to Spike that this isn't a bath toy. I suppose he thinks anything with Rarity's cutie mark on it is his to play with however he pleases. It's very warm to the touch, so it must have been in the bath with him," I noted. "No, wait. That doesn't make any sense. Iron is a heat reservoir, but it also conducts heat quickly enough that it should be cool to the touch by now, since he drained the tub more than thirty minutes ago. Pinkie, is this thing magical?"

Pinkie Pie blushed and giggled. "Not exactly. Don't worry! Auntie Pinkie will explain it to you later."

"Uh-oh. Is this one of those things I don't want to know about?" I whined.

"Yep!" beamed Pinkie.

I tried to put it out of my mind.

Pinkie drew us a warm bath. I like hot baths, but she said it's easier if the water isn't too hot, and besides we were going to make it hot anyway (oh my gosh I just got the joke, duh). And of course it was a bubble bath, because Pinkie. I wanted to take off the collars but she said they're fine in the tub. Apparently the furry part dries out really easily if you run the edge of a towel there. (I guess I need to stop worrying so much about little things.)

Anyway, we got in and relaxed together. She cuddled up next to me with the water up to our necks as we lay on our sides. I'm not gonna lie, it was really nice. Maybe I am a lesbian, Journal. I don't really know. I still feel kind of squiffy thinking about Flash. Can I like colts and fillies? Is that a thing? I mean, I'm sure Pinkie Pie does. I don't think she cares about labels, and that seems like a good policy. I just want to know "what" I am, because I feel this way and I know I'm not a vampony. I'm probably a pervert or something. Argh.

"Let me get you clean first, then I can get you dirty," giggled Pinkie Pie. She scrubbed herself with a soap-loaded exfoliating sponge I keep in the bath, and then she scrubbed me with it. She made me stand up so she could get my, um, more "personal" areas.

"Be gentle back there, Pinkie," I warned her.

"Of course silly! I'm going to give you a gentle scroof with the sponge, then do the rest by hoof," she said. "Or, y'know, whatever." Pinkie rubbed me once firmly with the sponge, up against my "bagel" and over the outside rim of my vulva. It felt nice, but I really wasn't prepared for what came next...

Ah, nuts. It sounds like Thunderlane's here. I'll continue this entry here later, no need to save extra space this time.

.Day 52 (Lying and Laying) (Part 2 of 2)

Okay, look. This entry has a lot of sex in it. No, I'm not trying to become a porn star, Journal; I just need to put this stuff down for completeness. But seriously, if I'm reviewing this entry later, I'll probably want to skip to the next entry.

Then again, for all I know this trend will continue. Maybe my life is just porn from here on out? (Dear Celestia, I hope not...)

So there I was, leaning toward the end of my bathtub, face down low with my chin in the water and my front knees bent, rump tilted high and tail lifted (yikes, now that's a frightening mental image). Pinkie Pie was scrubbing my, well, "private parts". My rear legs were trembling, even though they were locked at the knees, and I felt pretty strange.

Pinkie put down the sponge and tugged slightly at my... my anus. Ugh. That sounds way too clinical. Butthole? That sounds like something a foal Spike's age would say. "Asshole" is a bit too crude. I think I'll go with "ponut", which is about as silly as butthole, but for some reason doesn't make me feel juvenile. If you haven't heard the slang, it's a portmanteau of "pony" and "donut", because it looks a bit like a donut (well, more like a bagel, but whatever).

Anyway, Pinkie tugged my... no, I can't write the word ponut with a straight face either. I'm going with anus, but maybe I'll mix it up here and there. (Wow. This is one of the strangest things I've ever written. Again.)

Okay, right. So Pinkie tugged at my anus with two hooves, spreading it a little, which felt very strange. I yelped and tensed, trying to shut it.

"Twi, I need you to relax," said Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, what are you doing with that?" I complained.

"This is a part of your body you need to be comfy with. I'm going to try not to do anything you might find super-weird, but you need to stop fighting. If you fight, it might hurt," she explained.

"Wait. You're telling me that if I tense up because I'm afraid of getting hurt or something, that will make it hurt?!" I whined. "That's totally counterintuitive."

Pinkie shrugged. "That's just how sex is sometimes! If you relax and accept it, it won't hurt," she insisted.

I'm starting to suspect Pinkie was using this as part of a broader analogy. Is she really that clever?

"I'll try," I sighed, and after tensing a bit more, finally relaxed.

It's weird feeling a close friend spread your ponut, Journal. It's icky, and creepy, and hurts a little if you don't go along with it, and it's really, really embarrassing. My body was positioned kind of like a party cannon with the "business-end" aimed right at Pinkie's face. (Mental note: don't do this if you are suffering from incontinence. Oh bleah that is so gross! Ewwww...)

Anyway, she was able to tug it open a little, and she rubbed at the inside with the tip of her hoof. I don't know if it was the novelty, or what, but it actually started to feel, well... nice. Just, like, restful and such. But then it made me get a little tingly back there, too, and that was worrisome.

"Pinkie, it shouldn't take that long to clean my... my anus," I said, blushing.

Pinkie giggled. "I'm not cleaning your ponut, silly! I'm massaging it. You're already clean."

"Oh, well... is this supposed to turn me on?" I asked.

"Is it?" she responded. I couldn't see her face, but I imagined her grinning.

"I... Okay, maybe just a little—eep!" I said, recoiling as something smooth and warm pushed against the area.

"Don't tighten up, Twilight. Don't you remember?" Pinkie reminded me.

"I, I'm trying," I gasped, and did my best to relax the area. It took an incredible amount of effort, though. She was pushing something very smooth against my pucker.

"There we go! We just need to stretch you a teensy-tiny bit, even though this is a really small plug," said Pinkie.

I gulped. "Pinkie Pie, what on Equestria are you doing back there?" I asked.

"I'm stretching your tight little ponut, no thanks to you," she chastised me. "It's like you've never played with this thing at all..."

"That's disgusting, Pinkie," I said. "I mean, maybe it feels kind of nice, but that area is not for recreation."

"Whaaaaaa?" said Pinkie. "You're crazy! Everything is for fun!"

Let me make this abundantly clear: this was weird. At this point I was going along with it only because I was in an awkward position and couldn't fight back. Even if it did feel pleasant, that is the last part of my body I want to get friendly with.

"Wait—is that Rarity's device?" I finally realized, panicking a little. "Pinkie?"

"Ssh," she said, and removed whatever she was rubbing me with.

And then Pinkie Pie did something I really don't want to mention, but I guess I will anyway. She tugged my tail sharply upward from the dock, leaned in, and gave me a warm, um... kiss. Like, right on the ponut.

"Yipe! No, no, stop, this is really gross," I said, and I felt a WHAP against my rump as she slapped me with a hoof!

"Twilight! Calm down," Pinkie said, rather firmly, and for a brief moment I felt very afraid. "It was just a little kiss, and you're perfectly clean. I'd love to go a lot further than a kiss, but I'm trying not to weird you out."

I was scared, but a little wet, too. I whimpered. "Please j-just be gentle," I begged.

"Of course! Now one last thing and I'll leave your silly ponut alone," she promised. "I want you to squeeze down nice and firm like you're dropping some apples, okay? You only need to do it for a few seconds."

"If this is the last thing," I mumbled, and I felt the metal pressing there again. I closed my eyes tightly, bore down, and tried to relax...

There was a brief moment of pain, then it subsided, but something warm and heavy was... inside me.

"W-what did you do," I gasped.

"C'mere you wiggler," said Pinkie, and she flipped me over so I was facing up.

I reached down underneath my rump and felt it there: the smooth metal base with Rarity's cutie mark embedded in its surface.

"This, this is what it's for? Seriously?"

"Yep! Isn't it nice? It's warm and tight and heavy, and you can feel it hanging there inside you as you walk around..."

"Walk around? With this thing in me!?"

"Well, yeah! With your tail lifted even, if you like, wanna show everypony who owns you. I mean, if you're wearing the plug because you're Rarity's pet or whatever," said Pinkie like it was no big thing. "I don't think it's supposed to be for you, but it was here and convenient, and who knows? Maybe you'd even like being Rarity's."

I felt my loins throb with pleasure, and the plug tensed with every motion. It was tightening my vaginal cavity, even though I've never had anything in my vagina, since my hymen, er, "cherry" is still intact. (I mean, it was tightening it just by pressing against it, from the inside.)

"Oh wow Pinkie, I really think we should get this out of me," I said, tugging unsuccessfully on it with a hoof. I wasn't thinking clearly enough to grab at it with magic, but Pinkie pulled my hooves up and held them before I could think straight. She leaned over on top of me, muzzle to muzzle, most of my body submerged in the water.

"Just leave it in for a little bit, okay? We can take it out before we leave the bath," she insisted. "You need to be more open to new experiences, Twilight. It's for the greater good."

"I don't see how this..." I said, but my voice trailed off as she gently twisted the device in me, and I felt myself throbbing again. "O-okay, fine, I can see the appeal. My Stars, where did Spike even get this thing? I hope he didn't steal it from her... I'm sure he has no idea what this is."

"If you say so," sang Pinkie.

Then, the obvious thing occurred to me.

"Oh, eww! It's bad enough Spike was holding this thing in the first place, thinking it was some kind of toy! But now that it's been in my you-know-where he is definitely not touching it," I said, and shuddered. "We need to burn it. No, that's stupid, it's metal. Maybe I can whip up a bath of low-pH sulphuric acid..."

"Holy Pony Pokey, Twilight! You're babbling even worse than me, and that's a lot," Pinkie pointed out. "It's very easy to clean and it isn't going to hurt anypony."

"Fine, if you want to keep it, be my guest," I grumbled. "Just don't let Spike touch it."

"You are such a worrywart," she said, then kissed me on the lips.

At the time I didn't remember she'd just kissed me on the "other" spot, or I would have really freaked out. I'm trying not to think about it. What has my life become?

Then Pinkie started reaching down and rubbing my mons, and I finally gave in. The thing in my butt was pretty bucking weird, but the attention was nice, and she likes to look in my eyes when she's touching me because she wants to see how happy it makes me, I think. All the creepiness just kind of faded away in a heartbeat, and it surprised me how quickly my mood turned. I guess sex can do that? Huh.

But once again, things took a turn towards Weirdsville almost immediately. She lifted my rump and rear legs so I had to hold the back of the tub awkwardly with my front legs to keep my muzzle above the water. I was tilted backwards, basically, as she held my crotch up high and dry and smiled down on me. Then she did something that really scares me, because before this happened I would have thought it was the most disgusting thing in the world, but the bath was nice and clean, and she looked so happy, and the thing inside me...

Basically, Pinkie leaned down and kissed my vulva. Very tenderly, but not just once: she did it again and again and again, and then she started licking along the slit. I wanted to tell her to stop, but it felt amazing, so I just held on for dear life as my hips started shaking. Her kisses grew more insistent, pushing more firmly, and her tongue started dipping into the rim of my vulva.

(I'm aware now that this is what she meant earlier by "oral sex", by the way.)

I couldn't really talk or do anything other than shiver, but I started moaning. Like, not in pain, though. It was... a different kind of moaning, if that makes sense. I hope Spike didn't think I was being hurt or anything.

Pinkie wouldn't let up, and soon she was licking deep into the cleft, teasing against my hymen. I snapped back to reality when she smiled sweetly at me before saying, "Boop!" as she bumped her nose against my clitoral hood. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Then her tongue rubbed against it, and her lips met it and she suckled ever-so-gently and everything in my body simply exploded. Figuratively, of course. But it felt literal, and I don't really have an appropriate literal language to describe it so I have to go with poetic comparisons. My hips bucked into her face, and I felt something shoot out of my urethra as a cacophony of feelings writhed through my flesh.

"Oh! Oh! Oh shit, I, Pinkie, I think I peed..." I gasped. Her face was wet, and I was certain I'd just, well, pissed all over her muzzle. I'd have been mortified if I weren't reeling with pleasure. Pinkie was smiling, though, and didn't seem to mind.

"It's not pee, Twilight. You came! I'm so proud of you," she smiled, licking at her lips—which was pretty disgusting considering that came out of my body, but at the time my mind wasn't capable of processing "disgusting" anymore. All I remember feeling besides the euphoria was an intense personal fulfillment of being told my friend Pinkie was proud of me. I made her proud, and it felt so good. There really is something to this "sex" thing, it's just devilishly hard to quantify it.

But as I held myself up from the water with my hooves and gasped for breath, I didn't need quantification. At that moment I wanted to give Pinkie Pie my soul and everything else along with it.

"Heavenly Celestia, you're so pretty like this, Twilight," she cooed, lapping gently against my vulva. "You have no idea how much I want to sink my fangs into this pretty little cherry and pop you wide open for all the boys to fuck. And drink your tasty blood, and infect you with so much saliva in the process you'd be a vampony before you even had a chance to cast your silly little spell." And she winked at me.

That's when I said something so bizarre, I felt like an observer, watching myself say it instead of being the pony who did the saying. I didn't have control over my mouth. (I wonder if this is what it's like to be Pinkie...)

"O-okay," I said, blushing and tilting my pelvis upwards.

And you know what? I meant it.

Pinkie Pie bit at her lower lip with a fang, drawing her own blood, and sucked at it. "Twi, I really want to take advantage of your right now," she whimpered, kissing at my folds as she pulled them apart with her hooves. Her nostrils flared.

"Do it, it's okay," I whispered, wincing. "I... I love you."

Pinkie's eyes glowed red. "You're one-hundred percent sure you're ready to be one of us for good, Twilight? It's not just the orgasm talking, is it?" she said, panting with that impossibly-long tongue lolling out one side of her muzzle. "You're really ready for your brother to fuck you silly?"

I grimaced. "I... I don't know..." I whispered.

Pinkie sighed, and retracted her tongue and fangs as she set my pelvis back into the water. "Dammit," she said, and cuddled up to me face to face in the water.

"I'm so confused," I whimpered. "Don't you want me?"

Pinkie smiled broadly. "Of course I do! Oh, Twilight, I'd be so, so, SO happy if you came to your senses and decided to become a vampony with us! But right now you're just overwhelmed. You'd feel really guilty inside afterwards, and Rarity thinks you'd get over it right away, but it still doesn't feel right to me."

"I'm sorry," I said, hugging her tightly. "You're right... this fight, Celestia, Spike, my parents... I don't know what came over me..." The guilt was hitting me pretty hard, just as she'd predicted.

"It's not your fault, silly goose," said Pinkie. "It's mine. I've been so busy trying to prepare you for sex I didn't realize how fast we were going... This is too much for you right now. Although, if Rarity ever finds out you asked me to pop your cherry and make you into a vampony and I actually refused, she'll probably punch me right in the cake-hole."

Maybe she will, I thought. And maybe Pinkie deserves it, even? I don't know that I deserved that kind of mercy. Maybe Rarity is right and becoming a vampony would fix everything, simple as that.

All I know for certain is that Pinkie Pie is still a good friend. Although, what happened with Thunderlane might detract from that theory just a little.

Before the bath was out, I made Pinkie remove the plug and clean it. It felt much better coming out than it did going in, but maybe it's just because I was used to it. I don't want to think about it. She left it in the bathroom where I'd found it in the sink, and I'd rather not touch it so I'll just leave it there. I need to talk to Spike about it soon, though, because even though Pinkie swears it's completely clean, I have visions of him playing with it like some kind of an action figure and I don't like the idea of anything that's been inside my body being in his little claws.

Oh, crap. I just realized: what if Rarity had used that toy before? She probably has! I've had something inside my body that was inside Rarity?! Dear Luna, save me from this nightmare.

Sorry, back on track. Thunderlane arrived with Pinkie in the afternoon.

"Psst! We're heeeeeeeeere!" said Pinkie as she slipped in the door with Thunderlane in tow.

Thunderlane is a mid-size stallion, which makes him large for a pegasus. He's a little younger than I am, younger than Pinkie even. Next to Rainbow Dash he's perhaps the second strongest flyer in Ponyville. I've always thought that he'd be perfect for Dash but she's never shown any interest in him. She'd rather hang out with Applejack or Fluttershy, so I guess maybe she just isn't interested finding a special somepony right now. That would stand to reason: Rainbow is a pretty independent mare. Then again, Rarity's more of an independent, self-made mare than anypony I know, and she's always talking about getting a stallion. Although nowadays that talk is extra-creepy.

"Ohmygosh, P-Princess?!" said Thunderlane. His wings were spread wide and his cheeks fully flushed.

"Ssh," ordered Pinkie as she closed the door behind them both.

"Hi Thunderlane," I said, with a wan smile.

Pinkie hugged Thunderlane tight. "Don't worry! Twilight's not crazy like Rarity says," she said.

"Oh, I didn't think she was. Er, I mean, I didn't think you were, Princess, ma'am," said Thunderlane. "Rarity's still acting weird, so most ponies in town aren't sure what to think. But you're both wearing the same kind of strange collar she is? Is that fashion before feuding?" he chuckled.

I shook my head. "Not at all. I'm wearing this in the hopes I might be able to blend in with... well, Rarity's cult, when I return to Canterlot," I explained.

"Oh! And I'm a part of Rarity's cult!" said Pinkie, with a bright smile.

"Not helping, Pinkie," I grumbled.

Thunderlane looked very nervous. "Well, um, Pinkie said I could help you out somehow. Like I said, I'm concerned about Rarity, and 'cult' doesn't sound very good..."

"It's not really a cult," Pinkie offered. "We're just vamponies who infect you by biting and then we have a lot of promiscuous sex!"

Pinkie, please shut up. (I didn't say it, but I thought it as hard as possible.)

"Rrrrright," said Thunderlane, looking less nervous than skeptical.

"I'm afraid it's true, Thunderlane. I'm not a vampony, though, and I'm working on a cure. You should be safe as long as you don't agree to go to any after-hours parties or sleepovers," I lied.

"This is kind of crazy," he chuckled. "You're not serious?"

Pinkie Pie grinned and extended her fangs, and Thunderlane turned and ran for the door. I was able to stop him with telekinesis, and I turned him around.

"It's okay, Thunderlane. Pinkie's more on our side than Rarity's. She isn't going to bite you," I said.

"Unless you want me too..." Pinkie teased, with a wink.

"OhdearCelestianothankyouverymuch," said Thunderlane, his legs shaking. I flashed a mean look at Pinkie Pie, and she pouted and retracted her fangs.

Right about then, Spike wandered into the main library. "Hay Thunderlane," he said.

"Anyway," Pinkie added, "I brought you because we don't have a lot of ponies on Twilight's side yet, and that's totally not fair. Also, the Order uses sex a lot, so Twilight needs to learn more about sex to stand a fighting chance, and I'm like, hay! I know somepony with a penis who would be perfect..."

Thunderlane's jaw dropped and his cheeks turned pink.

"Aaaaand I'm out," said Spike, who turned and walked back into the kitchen.

"Pinkie Pie! We did not invite Thunderlane over to molest him," I said, in a voice that sounded just a bit too matter-of-fact, in retrospect.

"Aww! But Twilight, that's at least part of the reason! At least you can take a look at it," she said.

"Thunderlane, I'm so sorry," I said. But then I noticed his sheath was quivering. The poor colt's eyes were shut tighter than my collar.

"It's okay, P-princess. I will serve Equestria, and my Princess, as I am ordered to do," he said softly, but continued to keep his eyes shut.

I didn't like this. It seemed clear that a part of Thunderlane was, well, 'enjoying' the attention. But he was also very frightened. I wasn't sure what to do, and I'm not sure now why I went along with it. Something was stirring within me, too, I guess. Should I feel bad about this? It's my job as a Princess to do this sort of thing, sometimes.

"Alright, Pinkie. Just a quick look, though. I don't want Thunderlane to suffer and he looks like he isn't enjoying this," I said.

"I live to serve, Princess," he whispered, and his legs stiffened and stopped shaking.

"See Twilie? He loves it!" said Pinkie Pie, who then grabbed me and shoved me down to the floor between Thunderlane's legs.

"Pinkie, don't call me that," I said in my best irritated-voice. "I don't like being reminded of my brother while he's working for the enemy." I was probably giving away too much intel, but I didn't care. I wanted to stop Pinkie, because I was starting to think about my brother, and (ugh) it was starting to turn me on.

Pinkie squeaked. "Oh I'm sorry Twilie—I mean, Twilight!" she said, missing the point entirely. Was she doing it on purpose? I doubted it, but surely she could smell my arousal every time she said that word.

I lay out and looked up at Thunderlane's sheath. It was kind of pretty, to be honest. I'd never taken a close look at one before, but it was thick and I could see it pulse in rhythm with his heartbeat. His scrotum hung down low, nice and smooth with large, firm testicles beneath the leather. I saw them tense up and lift a little, then drop back down. They seemed to be twisting a little on the inside. It was bizarre. It really looked like some chthonic, alien abomination acting under its own accord. Maybe the whole "stallions think with their junk" thing is actually based in truth? I don't know.

"Oh, Twilight he smells SO GOOOOOD," said Pinkie, drooling out of one side of her muzzle as she sniffed at his sheath. "I know you're not infected, but take a whiffer-niffer anyway! You'll lliiiiiiike iiiiittt," she teased.

"Ugh, Pinkie Pie, that scent is mostly bacterial excreta," I noted. "Different body oils attract different bacteria in different proportions, and this results in a distinct scent for each pony. Most of what you're smelling isn't Thunderlane at all, but the chemical byproducts of his outer biome."

"Blah blah blah," Pinkie said, rolling her eyes and making a flexible mouth-like movement with one hoof. "Who cares what makes it smell so wonderful when it smells this wonderful?" Then she grabbed me by the back of my mane and pulled me in.

Against my better judgment, I let Pinkie guide me in, and I accidentally bumped my muzzle against Thunderlane's sheath. But then, Pinkie yanked my head inward, planting my muzzle deep into the cleft of his scrotum, and I inhaled deeply on accident. I pulled back away from her hoof and coughed, shivering from all the raw input.

This experience... it's impossible to describe. Olfaction is a very strange sense, journal. It's actually the most detailed sense in the pony body, and the one least understood. It's intimately tied to memory, it's incredibly detailed, it's connected to our midbrains in a primal way, and it definitely has a lot to do with sex. I can't describe the smell very well, other than to say it was strong, powerful, sweaty, leathery, a little cheesy perhaps (eww) but I guess 'musky' might be better, and it flipped a switch between my legs that immediately made me drip (again, eww). I felt immediately disgusted, aroused, intimate, and ashamed.

In other words, I was totally confused and nearly revolted, and it was still somehow pleasant.

"I, I might b-be a little sweaty," Thunderlane stammered.

"It's okay, Thundie! You smell amazing," Pinkie drawled. "And as a vampony I can smell it a hundred times better than Twilight."

I gasped for air. "I can't imagine, I'm already overpowered—no offense, Thunderlane, I'm just not used to this," I said, and panted. My breath tickled the tiny pelt-fuzz along the edge of his sheath, and something flat peeked just barely into the open.

"I'm sorry," Thunderlane gasped, wincing tightly. His legs began to quiver again.

Pinkie Pie leaned in and kissed the emerging flat ridge of Thunderlane's penis—or maybe I should say cock?—the head of his cock. I scooted back away from the display. I'd already had enough.

"Okay, that's enough for now," I panted, still smelling the heady scent on my muzzle where I'd made contact. It was driving me wild, and again I started to wonder if maybe I'd been infected without realizing it. My innocence is in tatters, I already know it. There's just no going back.

"Mmm, but Twilight, you haven't even started!" Pinkie said, and licked along the tip of Thunderlane's cock. The entire member dropped out, and I grabbed Pinkie and pulled her away.

"I said, that's enough," I growled. Pinkie pouted.

Thunderlane opened his eyes. He blushed and lay down on the floor to 'hide' himself.

"Aww. Okay, Twi. Aren't you going to thank him, though?" said Pinkie. It did feel rude of me...

I walked forward and grasped Thunderlane in a hug. Then I did something super creepy and I still don't know why. "Thank you for your service," I whispered in his ear, and he shuddered in my arms.

"Yes, Your Majesty," he whispered back, and bowed his head. Pinkie Pie giggled, and I blushed profusely. I turned around to look at her, and that's when I saw that Spike had returned. Spike's eyes were open wide, his nasal slits flared, and his twin penis erect and pulsing. He was trying to hide it with his claws.

"I'm not gay!" he immediately shouted, blushing. "I think. I mean I'm not. Right? P-Pinkie?"

Pinkie walked up to Spike and whispered something into his ear. She had the evillest look on her face as she did. He blushed even harder, then immediately ran upstairs and into the master bathroom, making a soft whining sound the whole way there.

"Dammit Pinkie! Stop doing stuff like that!" I said angrily.

I'm still not sure what to do about Spike. He's clearly a sexual being, but he's immature, and far under the age of consent. What does it mean? I used to think you weren't supposed to start feeling sexual until you were eighteen, like it happened by magic or something. In retrospect, that was unbelievably naive. The age-and-timing thing is a mess. I don't know how to help him.

"Yeah, Pinkie... I mean, he's just a kid," said Thunderlane. He stood up and mostly retreated into his sheath. He looked a little weirded out.

"The vamponies aren't going to be dissuaded by age," I warned him.

"What? They wouldn't... go after Rumble, would they? They wouldn't," he said, suddenly concerned.

I looked back at Pinkie, and she grimaced, then nodded.

"There's your answer," I said. I felt sick, deep in the pit of my stomach, and most of the arousal left me.

"Ah geez, I need to get him safe," said Thunderlane. "Where is safe? Cloudsdale? Can you help us?"

"Helping you is the idea behind this meeting," I said. "I think the best thing you can do for now is to keep your eyes peeled, and warn Rumble to be careful in case Cheerilee starts acting weird. If you can act as eyes and ears, we can start to develop a network of responsible ponies who haven't been compromised and keep tabs on the Order's activity."

Thunderlane started trotting in place. "Alright. I need to check on Rumble and my parents right away," he said. "But I need to know more, too. Can we meet later tonight?"

"I can come by your place tomorrow midday," Pinkie said.

Thunderlane looked directly at me, and I nodded. "You can trust Pinkie," I said. "I know it's weird, but she's playing both sides, and she's been loyal to me without question so far."

"Yes Princess," said Thunderlane.

"And it's just Twilight, for pony's sake," I said, rolling my eyes.

Thunderlane grinned shyly. "Okay Twilight. I'll see you later, Pinkie." He exited the library and shut the door after him.

"Pinkie! What in Equestria were you thinking?!" I chastised, as soon as the door had shut.

"Whaddaya mean?" said Pinkie, cocking her head cutely to one side (yes, it was cute; I think I can say that without becoming a lesbian).

"I did not to invite Thunderlane here to have sex with him! That was not the plan," I pointed out.

"Ohhhhhhh. Oops?" she said, and shrugged.

"Ugh. Alright, let's move on..." I said. "Go get Zecora. I'll grab Spike. We need to eat, and we can cover our plan for your infiltration over dinner."

Everypony is resting after dinner, and I've finished up here. It's almost dark now, and time for Operation Pink Slip (that was Spike's idea, but I rather like it). Pinkie Pie is going to go sneak into the Crystal Boutique, unless Rarity is there in which case she'll talk to her as she pokes around. Then she'll try to meet up with Big Macintosh. All the while, she'll be holding the television crystal which will transmit everything here where the rest of us can view it. For some reason, Zecora was concerned about whether I wanted to put Pinkie in that kind of situation, but it's not a huge risk, is it? Pinkie is on speaking terms with those who follow the Order, so this should be cut and dried.

I'm not leaving any space after this entry because it's already time to start the next one. I'll be writing as I watch what happens. If things get too hairy I'll banish Spike to the bathroom or something, but I doubt it will come to that. I mean, the vamponies can't be having sex all the time, can they?

Don't answer that, brain.

Day 52 (Project Pink Slip) (Part 1 of 2)

I placed the pendant around Pinkie Pie's neck and activated the enchantment. A large circular window appeared in the middle of the library, facing the pile of cushions. Pinkie immediately stood in front of the window, producing at first a confusing recursive cascade of images of the region around the window, followed by some bizarre, rainbow-colored static.

"Okay Pinkie," I said. "That's actually pretty fascinating, but if you could stand a bit further away..."

My voice was broadcast through the window as well, causing a feedback loop which filled the tree with echoes of what I'd just said. Pinkie giggled, and we were immediately treated to painful, high-pitched screeching feedback. Spike held his claws over his ear-holes, wincing. I quickly cancelled the spell.

"Right. Well, I guess it works," I said. "I think I'll wait until you're outside to open it up again, though."

"Ooh! Can you talk through it in the other direction?" Pinkie asked. "Then you could say hi to Rarity!"

I shook my head. "No, but I wish it were two-way! I might be able to rig it so I could cast spells through it, which would make it an incredibly powerful resource. But telesending a constant stream of data like this is much harder than telereceiving. As it is, I can't open a mana window through the device because all it would do is allow others to cast spells on us, which is obviously a bad thing in this particular situation."

Zecora entered from the basement and shook her head rapidly. "I heard a painful Pinkie screech. I hope that sound's now out of reach?"

"Sorry Zecora! It's safe now," said Pinkie Pie. "Ooh, do you wanna watch the show too?"

I quickly explained what I was doing to Zecora. She shrugged, then sat down on the pile of pillows. Spike sat down next to her.

"Alright. Pinkie. Do you remember the plan?"

Pinkie pronked in place. "Operation Pink Slip! I sneak into Rarity's Boutique to get a close look at what she's been working on, because you don't trust my ability to describe things properly," she said, wearing a large smile.

"I do trust you, Pinkie," I said, which was mostly true. "But I need as much raw data on Rarity's plans as I can get. If you could spy on her or Big Macintosh without raising their suspicions, that would be extremely useful."

"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie Pie, grinning from ear to ear as she bounced for the door. (The new bondage shoes fortunately are light enough not to damage the flooring.)

After she left, I sat down next to Spike and Zecora and activated the window. We were treated to the sounds of Pinkie bouncing and the vision of the area outside the library bounding up and down.

"Ah, geez. I hope it isn't like this the whole time. I might get sick," warned Spike, and he closed his eyes.

To be honest, I felt a little strange sitting next to Zecora on a pile of cushions. It was so informal and I'd always seen her as a mentor to me, almost like Princess Celestia. She seemed very comfortable, however, so I tried to relax and force-uninhibit those inhibitions a little.

Pinkie arrived at the Carousel Boutique.

"Okay, Pinkie. Find a way inside," I said.

"She can't hear you," said Spike, opening his eyes.

"I know that!" I said, rolling my eyes. "But the dramatic irony is already driving me crazy."

Pinkie Pie knocked on the door, and I groaned. "So much for sneaking in. Well, this is less suspicious at least."

Rarity opened the door and smiled. Her horn looked intact, but I was still certain it was a fake.

"Pinkie Pie! It's so good to see you," she said, then leaned forward so that all we could see from Pinkie's amulet was Rarity's silver collar and white chest. Sounds of muffled pleasure came through the portal loud and clear.

"Oh, eww. They're kissing," I said, with a noticeable wince. Zecora glanced at me with a raised brow, then chuckled softly. Spike blushed and quickly covered his groin with a pillow, and I planted my hoof directly in my face.

"I'm not sure you should be watching this, Spike..."

"Twi, we've gone over this already. My innocence is already trashed. It doesn't help keeping me in the dark about any of this now."

"Right, right. I'm sorry. Just... ugh, use your own judgment, I guess," I said. "If something really bothers you, head into the basement, okay?"

Spike nodded in response, and the sounds of tongue-kissing finally ceased.

"Come in, darling. We have so much to discuss," said Rarity, and the camera moved forward into the store.

Rarity's shop was a bit more cramped than normal due to the existence of a large table taking up the bulk of the free space. On the table were accessories, indexed into a two-dimensional array of kind (in the short direction) and material type (long). I started taking notes (which I'm using now to transcribe all of this).

The materials were just as Pinkie had described them, ordered opal, gold, copper, silver, steel, and marble, followed by the smaller faux-wood and faux-granite versions and finally a pile of onyx earrings.

The fake wood and granite accessories varied in degree of fakeness: the earrings and collars looked solid, the wing attachments seemed to have a mixture of fake rubber connected to and actual wood or granite, and the shoes were completely rubber. I didn't see any horn caps. In their place there were what appeared to be miniature ounckses made from cold-wrought iron wrapped around a thin wood or granite torus. In addition the wing clips also looked different from their larger brethren: instead of a metal sieve portion, there was a long, thin fin protruding backwards from them.

The opal accessories were new to me, since Pinkie had only mentioned seeing earrings previously. They also looked functionally different from the other kinds. The collars and earrings were beautiful, but normal. The opal wing clips totally lacked the sieve portion and unlike the wood and granite pieces, there was nothing taking its place. Adjacent to the opal horn caps were what appeared to be ounckses made from solid opal. What I knew of magic item crafting suggested to me that those couldn't possibly work the same way normal ounckses do, and probably not at all. The shoes were also different, being more of a hoof-shaped opal ring with no base at all. I quickly made notes (from which I'm transcribing this). I didn't notice anything else, but there was a lot of stuff on the table so there may have been other differences I was unable to pick up on.

There was one more thing I noted at the time, and it distracted me sufficiently that I wasn't able to pay attention to the initial conversation between Rarity and Pinkie (though Spike said nothing notable was said). There was what appeared to be a severed unicorn horn on the very end of the table.

The horn was purple. Twilight Sparkle purple, to be precise. I felt a wave of terror hit me and I immediately grabbed for my horn with a hoof... just in case. It was still there, of course. A second horn sat beside the copy of mine, a light gray I recognized as my mother's color. It looked very realistic, but I certain both of them were fakes like what Rarity was wearing. Presumably fake, at any rate—Rarity's horn looked real, too, but there's no way she could have regrown it that quickly.

"...should really come with us tonight," said Rarity.

"That sounds super-duper fun! And in a way, Twilight can come, too, because she can see through this amulet!" said Pinkie.

Spike held his claws over his face, and I sighed deeply. Zecora chuckled.

"Pinkie Pie, you stupid, stupid horse," I groaned. "Did I really need to tell you to keep it a secret? So much for that plan."

"What?!" gasped Rarity, and she pulled the amulet off of Pinkie's neck. A moment later, our camera was trapped beneath a wicker box. At least we still had audio.

"You cannot be serious," came Rarity's muffled voice.

"Oh, don't worry! She can't cast spells through it or anything. It just lets her see and hear stuff," said Pinkie Pie.

"Sure, Pinkie," said Spike, "go ahead and tell her everything, why don't you."

"I should probably prepare to flee the library. It won't be long before Rarity puts two and two together," I griped.

Rarity's voice returned. "Actually, I think it might be acceptable. This would be a convenient way to speak with Twilight. Let's head over to the barn, Pinkie. We'll bring this for Master and see what he thinks. But don't wear it around your neck—it isn't proper for anything to get in the way of the ring."

"She must mean the ring on her collar," said Spike.

The basket lifted up, and we were looking directly at Rarity's face. It was just a little blurry since the visual wasn't intended for magnification, but I could see that her horn was fake. Casually, I doubt anypony would notice.

"Can she hear us as well?" asked Rarity.

"Yep!"

"And how do you know she's watching right now?"

"Umm... I probably shouldn't say, because I Pinkie Promised. But I'm one hundred-percent certain she can see and hear us right now," said Pinkie.

"Twilight?" said Rarity, batting her eyelashes and smiling. "Your friends miss you so much. I sincerely hope you will come to your senses soon and do the right thing, by which I mean submit to your feelings."

"She's been able to cure the vampony curse," said Pinkie. I rolled my eyes and facehoofed.

"You mean reverse the wolf entirely, or merely counter the infection?" asked Rarity. "She didn't 'cure' you, did she?"

Pinkie shook her head. "Nope! Just counter the infection is all so far."

Rarity nodded. "Alright, Twilight dear. I'm putting you in my saddlebags and bringing you to Master Big Macintosh so we can talk to you."

"At least we'll get some information that way, right?" asked Spike.

"We'll only get what they want to show us," I said. "It's practically useless, but I'm not about to stop watching. Maybe Big Macintosh will be as dumb as Pinkie and reveal everything."

"Pfft. I know Mac pretty well, and I doubt it," said Spike.

The camera entered Rarity's saddlebag, and everything went dark. Then came the sounds of hooves clopping against the floor, the door opening and closing, and softer hoof-falls on ground.

"Now Pinkie, I hate to be a broken record, but Master is very disappointed that you haven't witnessed the stone yet," said Rarity, in a chastising tone.

"Oh! It's okay, Twilight finally said I could do the brain thing," said Pinkie Pie.

"WHAT!" I shouted. "Pinkie, no!!!"

"Uh, Twilight? You don't remember that?" Spike asked me.

"I would never tell Pinkie to do the brain thing! How? When did I tell Pinkie she could do the brain thing?" I asked. I felt my heart sink, and I tried to remember.

"While searching dreams, you briefly awoke. That was when you and Pinkie spoke," said Zecora.

"That's crazy! I must have been half-asleep—you can't have possibly thought I meant it?"

"You looked totally awake at the time," said Spike. "You sounded a little different, but this mess has been burdening all our withers."

I thought back to the re-dream, and remembered the unusual interruption in the middle. It happened right before Luna sent me back in time.

"Shit," I said. "I'll bet that wasn't me. Luna must have been able to inspect my dream state when I was restoring the dream memory, and entered my body! I'm lucky it only lasted as long as it did. But that means she probably knows I'm in the library, so I'll have to leave tonight."

Spike winced. "Ah, shoot. We had no idea it wasn't you. You said you wanted the data, and that you didn't think it would change Pinkie at all."

"The rationale you did supply, convinced us to let Pinkie Pie," said Zecora.

I stood up. "I have to go rescue her," I said, my forelegs shaking slightly. Of course, I had no idea how I was about to do that. Then I yelped as Zecora grabbed my tail and yanked me back to the pillows.

"Zecora!" I gasped, blushing. You just don't grab somepony's tail. It isn't done!

"Apologies for grabbing tail, but you must let horse sense prevail. You cannot rescue that pink horse. That is a foalhardy course," said Zecora.

I sat on the pillows and fought back tears. "I can't let this happen to her. I can't. I have to do something," I said.

"Maybe she'll be okay. Rarity didn't seem to think it would change anything, from what Pinkie told us," said Spike. "But Zecora's right. Chasing after Pinkie would trigger an immediate conflict, and we'd be up to our necks in vamponies."

I buried my face in my hooves and cried. Zecora hugged me, and I came up for breath and wiped my eyes.

"It's my fault," I said. "Pinkie knows how much I'd love to see her post-lobotomy data. And I would, too. I feel so guilty."

Spike hugged my side. "No, it's not your fault. That's dumb."

"There's nothing to do, that we can. The proper move is watch, and plan," said Zecora.

I went and grabbed a box of tissues, and returned to the pile of cushions. By the time I got back Spike was leaning tiredly on Zecora. I moved to Zecora's other side to avoid disturbing his seat.

"They're probably close to the barn by now," said Spike.

"Yeah. I can only guess what's next. Probably something horrific Rarity wants to subject us to."

"You mean you," said Spike. "She doesn't know I'm watching."

I nodded. "That's true. I guess Pinkie hasn't had enough time to blab all the vital information," I complained.

I leaned up against Zecora's other side. I was feeling tired myself, and she didn't seem to mind. I noticed that Zecora has a very unusual scent, and I don't know if it's her microbiome or something in her sweat oils or what exactly. It's not a bad smell, mind you, just distinctive. I wonder why I'd never noticed it before now. It's not subtle by any stretch.

Suddenly, we heard a new voice. Soft, lilting, high-pitched, and clearly falsetto.

"Pinkie Pie! So wonderful you can join us for once, sweetie," said the voice.

"Who the hay is that?" asked Spike. I shrugged.

"Ah, yes. Pinkie, you've er... 'met' Orchard Blossom already, yes?" said Rarity, with a bright laugh.

"Sure have! She's my favorite two-ton mare!" said Pinkie, with her own giggle.

"We should get down to business," said the voice, who must have been Orchard Blossom.

"Mistress," said Rarity, "I apologize for the interruption, but in my saddlebags is an amulet that allows Twilight Sparkle to hear and see remotely. I must warn you that she can hear us right now."

There was silence, then sounds of whispering.

"As you wish, Mistress," said Rarity.

The saddlebags opened, and Rarity carefully positioned the camera on a ledge, so we could see most of the barn.

Then we got an eyeful of something remarkably... for lack of a better word, I'll just say 'disturbing'.

The first thing we noticed was 'Orchard Blossom', which actually turned out to be Big Macintosh. In a dress. Wearing an enormous blonde wig. With makeup on his face. Lots of makeup. It looked professional, like Rarity had done it for a runway model, but it was on thick. Of course, Mac looked impossibly large to be a mare, and as seems to be the custom with Masters (Mistresses?), he stood on his hind legs only. The front of the dress was tented outward.

"Oh dear sweet Celestia," gasped Spike, recoiling against the cushions. "I take back what I said about knowing Mac well."

"I... I'm not sure what to make of this," I said. "I don't get this."

Zecora smirked. "Big Mac is dressed as Orchard Blossom? I must admit, she looks quite awesome."

"You gotta be kidding me," replied Spike.

"She? Really? Is this a thing? Is it a sex thing or something?" I asked Zecora.

"In some cases yes, in others, no. It isn't exactly rare, though," she replied.

"Why is the dress tented out like that?" I asked.

"Twilight, is it wrong if I think Big Mac is kind of cute?" whispered Spike, from Zecora's other side.

Yes, I thought, but I didn't really know what to say. Orchard Blossom faced the camera and smiled. "We're just delighted to have you with us tonight, Twilight. I have quite a show planned for you," she said. Wait, did I just call Big Mac 'she'? We're doomed.

"I don't understand any of this," I said. Orchard Blossom adjusted the camera, stood back from it, and then we could see Cheerilee.

"Oh no," whispered Spike, speaking for all of us. Well, for him and me, at least. Zecora seems to have nerves of steel.

Cheerilee was stretched vertical, shackled up on an X-shaped wooden frame by all of her ankles. She wore copper shoes, a copper collar, and copper earrings. Between her legs, her breasts were impossibly large—practically the size of cantaloupes. Both nipples were pierced, each with a copper ring. Some kind of clear fluid dripped down her hind legs.

But by far the worst part of it was the expression on her face. She had this vacant look in her eyes, and she was drooling and smiling like a giddy idiot with fangs, all at once. It's almost like she was happy, somehow, and it was terrifying to even imagine how something like that could be possible.

Still, I was imagining it...

"Unfortunately, Smith Apple won't be joining us this evening. She's recovering from a cold," said Orchard Blossom.

"Granny Smith?!" I said. "Oh, that is super-gross. This is now completely wrong."

As if reading my mind, Rarity spoke to the camera. "Twilight, I've given Granny a positively stunning makeover. You really should see it. We're planning a little cosmetic work for her as well, although that certainly isn't a necessity." She smiled a fangy grin.

"I don't understand any of this," said Spike. "Twilight, does anything here make sense to you?"

"No, Spike. It doesn't," I said. "We are far beyond the realm of making sense. This is pure chaos. This is horse insanity, Spike."

Nonetheless, we continued to watch the scene unfold. Rarity seemed to be readying shackles that were bolted to the flooring, and then she secured all four of Pinkie's ankles into place. Then she removed Pinkie's copper shoes.

Orchard Blossom squatted on two legs and petted Pinkie's mane. "We're going to start locking them," she promised.

"Woo-hoo!" said Pinkie Pie, which came as no real surprise.

Then Orchard Blossom yanked back on Pinkie's mane, exposing her neck. "However, Pinkie Pie, I'm afraid this playing-both-sides thing ends. Right now."

"B-but I care about Twilight!" she whimpered.

"As do we, Pinkie," said Rarity.

"Don't worry, Pinkie. You won't need to break your promise to protect Twilight," said Orchard Blossom. Then she leaned down and whispered something in Rarity's ear. An evil grin spread across Rarity's face. "Yes, Mistress," she said, and trotted into a nearby stall, then returned with a hogtied, blindfolded, and gagged pony.

It was Thunderlane.

"Oh no," I said. "No, no, no!"

"Shit. I guess you'd better pack now," said Spike.

"It's not his fault," I said, angrily. Here he was, in up to his neck for trying to help me. I didn't know what to think.

Pinkie looked flustered. "Hay, it's Thunderlane! Hi Thunderlane! You know, Rarity, maybe it would be nice if we let Thunderlane go free today, just for fun? How does that sound?"

"Pinkie, please! You know better than that. Give it a rest. Besides, I can already guess that Twilight's been in the library for the past few days."

"Wait, what?!" I said.

"I swear I never told her!" said Spike, his eyes open wide.

I craned my head around Zecora's belly. "Told her? Have you been talking to Rarity? Spike, have you been visiting her?" I gasped. That guilty look on his face told me everything I needed to know.

"Please, Twilight, you already said we'd talk about it tomorrow," he begged, as Zecora leaned backwards to give our conflict a little leeway.

I leaned back again. "It's okay. I just can't trust anypony, not even you. That's all I need right now, but it is what it is. It's fine," I said softly.

"I'm weak, Twilight. I love her. Please, please understand," said Spike. "I would never do anything to put you at risk."

"You're putting yourself at risk, Spike! What would you do if she bit you?" Pinkie Pie started talking again, so I made an angry grunt. "Fine. We'll talk in the morning," I snipped. Spike lowered his head into the pillow on his legs.

Of course, there probably wouldn't be a morning if I decided to evac tonight (I didn't, but more on that later). And yes, I feel bad for Spike, but I feel bad for everything right now.

"But how?" Pinkie was asking.

"It's obvious dear. You've been going to the library, and that's where Spike is, and you don't have any other convenient way to communicate with her other than scrolls. Since we removed all the scrolls from the library, it stands to reason Twilight is there right now," Rarity said, with a smug little smirk. Then she walked up to the camera. "Don't worry, Twilight. We'll leave you alone. You need to realize that we're not your enemy. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong hoof in the Crystal Kingdom, and we want to make it up to you. Whenever you want to come speak with us, the door is open. On your terms, if you like."

"Yeah, that's gonna happen," I said sarcastically.

"Twilight, our position is weak. Perhaps it makes some sense to speak...?" asked Zecora.

I shook my head. "No. We need more leverage first. Shit, I can't believe we lost Thunderlane that quickly. Dammit."

Rarity removed Thunderlane's blindfold and gag, pulled him beside Pinkie Pie, and began untying his bonds.

"What, where am I? Pinkie? Oh no," he said, and the color drained from his cheeks.

"Sorry they got you Thundie," said Pinkie Pie, with a pout. Then she smiled, fangs and all. "But you're gonna have so much fun tonight!"

Rarity held Thunderlane's rear legs firmly between hers, grinning. She leaned forward on his barrel. He struggled, but couldn't move. His head was directly beneath Pinkie Pie, and she leaned down and wrapped her tongue around his muzzle.

"Mmmmph! Mmk," he said, then gasped as the tongue retracted. "Oh buck oh buck oh buck me," he said, and his legs trembled with fear.

"But of course, sweetie," said Orchard Blossom, stepping next to Rarity.

"Big Mac? Is that you?" said Thunderlane. Orchard Blossom bared her fangs, and Thunderlane struggled again against Rarity, to no avail.

"Call Mistress 'Orchard Blossom' when she looks like this," cautioned Rarity. "Or, simply 'Mistress' will do."

"But why is the skirt tented up like that? Is she wearing a belt or..." Zecora and Spike just looked at me like I was stupid, and then it occurred to me. "Oh, oh, that is so gross." It explained the moisture forming at the tip of the tent, at least.

Cheerilee giggled. "Rarity, maybe we should put the camera by Thunderlane's head, so Twilight gets to see what he sees?"

"Excellent idea. Mistress?" Rarity asked for confirmation, and Orchard Blossom nodded and leaned down to hold Thunderlane's barrel to the floor.

"Ow, h-heavy!" gasped Thunderlane.

"You ain't goin' nowhere, sugar," said Orchard Blossom. "Jes' relax and it'll be over 'fore you know it."

Rarity placed the amulet around Thunderlane's neck and pulled it tightly in place, knotting part of the strap to secure it like a choker. "There we go," she said, then took over for Orchard Blossom, who stood back up on two legs. "I certainly hope you're watching us too, Spikey-Wikey," she whispered into the camera.

I gritted my teeth in anger, then shut my eyes. I wanted to tell Spike to leave and go into the basement, but I couldn't. There was no way I was going to be able to protect him from any of this. It was too late already. I opened my eyes again, and was looking directly up Big Macintosh—er, "Orchard Blossom's" skirt.

"Yikes," said Spike. Yikes indeed, I thought. I could see it all, just hanging there. And what an 'all' it was. A big red scrotum halfway cupped by what looked like silk panties, and a shaft stretching up toward the heavens. It rested against the fabric and bobbed gently.

I felt the tiniest electric jolt from between my legs, and I blushed. I looked nervously over at Zecora and Spike, hoping they didn't know this was affecting me. Spike was holding the pillow tight against his legs and shivering, and I was starting to wonder about how this was affecting him, too. Zecora was completely unfazed; bless her Zen-like mastery of everything.

"Don't worry Thundie," said Pinkie Pie, leaning down into his face and covering up most of the camera's field of view. "It's probably kind of scary, but I promise if you had spent a little more time with us, you'd be begging to become a vampony. Just like Twilight!"

Spike and Zecora both threw a curious look my way. "What?" I said. "It wasn't like that."

Orchard Blossom took a step to the side and pulled Pinkie's mane back. "What," she said, although the falsetto was gone.

Rarity looked up. "Oh for fuck's sake! Pinkie Pie, when Twilight Sparkle asks you to become a vampony... You. Say. YES!"

"Heh, sorry," said Pinkie. "But I didn't want to hurt her! She was real vulnerable."

"I'd tell you what a stupid cunt you are, Pinkie, but you might take that the wrong way," said Orchard Blossom, without the falsetto. Then she cleared her throat, and the falsetto resumed. "But as much as it seems counter to horse sense, perhaps our dear Pinkie made the right decision after all. See, Twilight? We do respect you. You can have as much time as you need to play your silly cunt games, until you're ready to grow up and succumb to the inevitable. Then all of this suffering will finally be at an end, and we can go back to being good friends. Very good friends."

"Pinkie, for the love of Luna don't ever say 'no' to something like that again," grumbled Rarity under her breath. "This could have been over already, and Twilight wouldn't be suffering the way she most certainly is right now."

"This isn't suffering!" I yelled at the viewport. This time Zecora and Spike tried not to make eye contact with me.

"I'm sorry," said Pinkie, tears welling in her eyes.

"It's okay, bitch," lilted Orchard Blossom. "Tonight we're gonna resolve all those little issues you been havin', once and for all. And, you can still be Twilight's special liaison. But the bitch is right, next time turn her for gracious sake."

Suddenly, off-viewport we heard Cheerilee groaning out loud, and the sound of something wet spraying against hay.

"Thank you Mistress," said Pinkie, smiling gently up at Orchard Blossom with watery eyes.

"But before we finish you, cunt, I think we'll turn this lovely young stallion," she continued, and straddled Thunderlane again.

"Oh geez, there it is again," said Spike, as the unmentionable horseparts came into view. He wasn't looking away, though.

"Bitch," Orchard said to Rarity, "go unbuckle Cheerilee so she can handle my backside. Now Thunderlane, I'm not going to hold you down this time, but if you try to run you will be very sorry you did such a naughty thing."

Thunderlane seemed to twitch (based on the camera motion) and held his forelegs over his head, obscuring the camera's view. "Please don't hurt me! Please, please. I swear I'll never tell anypony about this."

Rarity returned to lean in and cover his barrel, pushing his forelegs out of the way in the process. Cheerilee came bounding into frame and stepped behind Orchard Blossom, right next to Thunderlane's hind legs. Pinkie Pie leaned down and kissed him somewhere on his face (we couldn't see, since the view was from his neck). "It's okay Thundie," she said. "I can almost promise this won't hurt hardly at all."

"Of course it won't hurt," soothed Rarity, as she began moving around against Thunderlane's barrel. "Mmm, here we are. Lovely." His erect cock appeared in the viewport.

"Wh-why? What are you doing to me?" he gasped, as Rarity slowly licked up the shaft and sucked a bead of fluid off the head of his penis. Thunderlane moaned and shivered (again, based on the camera motion).

Then there was this loud suctioning sound, and Cheerilee pulled something from underneath Big Macintosh's tail. It was enormous. At first I thought he'd just crapped himself (and that would have been where I terminated the spell, for the record), but then we saw it was a large, rubber phallus in the shape of a stallion's cock. It glistened with moisture. Cheerilee set it in the hay and used some more hay to wipe against Orchard's legs and groin.

Then Orchard Blossom began to squat halfway down, lowering her pelvis, and Thunderlane suddenly panicked.

"I, wait, no! I'm n-not g-gay!" he gasped, as Rarity continued to lick his shaft and massage it between her hooves.

"It's okay, you can think of her as a girl!" Pinkie volunteered, then kissed Thunderlane on some part of his face.

"Bitch, cast the spell," said Orchard Blossom. Cheerilee's face was up underneath Orchard's tail, and we could her her licking and sucking at the flesh. I felt like vomiting momentarily, but I kept it together.

Rarity moved outside the viewport, then her aura covered part of Thunderlane's head, judging from the glowing at the edge of the viewport.

"I'm not sure what spell that is," I said.

Rarity walked back into frame and grinned evilly, brandishing her fangs. "Mmm, he's going to love it," she said. "It's a strong confirm. He's definitely a total cunt, will be easy to flip, and subconsciously I'm fairly certain he's desperate to be dressed like a little sissy."

"That's all I needed," said Orchard Blossom, with a soft grin. She squatted down, and I could see her anus gaping wide enough to take a shaft inside of her. I gasped at the grotesque image. I've never seen anything liked it. It was pink, and wide, and wet. Somehow it was erotic, but it shouldn't have been. That isn't a part of the body meant for sex! Is it?

"No, please, this is rape," whimpered Thunderlane. It sounded like he was crying.

"It's okay," cooed Pinkie Pie, making several kissing noises against Thunderlane's face. "It doesn't matter what you want. What matters is what you will have wanted."

"And like I said, darling, you're going to love this... whether you like it or not," said Rarity.

Cheerilee giggled and helped guide Thunderlane up into the pink sheath of Orchard Blossom's anus. Thunderlane whined softly, his cock pulsing gently as it began to slip inside.

"You can kiss me and think of girls if that helps you feel less like a little faggot," said Pinkie, with a giggle. "But I'm going to bite your tongue so we can start infecting you, because that'll be way more fun once we finish you."

"Mmmmph!" said Thunderlane, and he jerked in place as Orchard Blossom squatted her rump flat against his groin.

"It's time for us to feed a bit as well," said Rarity, flashing her fangs. "I'll take the shoulder. Cheerilee, why don't you drain his mark?"

Thunderlane whined and spasmed in place as Rarity leaned over his body, and made a soft mmm-ing sound, muffled with her mouth planted firmly up underneath him on the back of his shoulder.

"Shhh," said Orchard Blossom, reaching down toward Thunderlane's head, off-viewport. "It's okay to be a cunt, darlin'. It's just what you are. You were made to be owned by somepony like me," she said gently. "You can feel it, can't you? You're not inside of me, not exactly so. It's the other way 'round. I'm wrapped around you: controllin' you, milkin' you, claimin' you as mine. Makin' you feel exactly what I want you to feel, for my pleasure."

Thunderlane whined softly out of his nose, twitching and shivering. Rarity came up for air. "Oh, that is very nice. Delicious, darling. You know, between the three of us tending to his wounds, we'll have this sweetie's fangs out in a matter of hours."

"Don't let him off the hook that easy, bitches," said Orchard Blossom. "I want this little faggot to know he came in Mistress's asshole without any magical mumbo-jumbo getting in the way. You need to know this is all your fault, Thunderlane. Every last bit of it."

Orchard narrowed her gaze and bounced slightly as Thunderlane screamed through his nose, the camera view shaking. A loud slurping noise came, then Pinkie's giggle followed. We could hear Thunderlane panting for breath.

"We're so proud of you, darling!" said Rarity. "I could see your urethra swelling. You must have squeezed at least a pint into Mistress."

"I sh-shouldn't l-like this," gasped Thunderlane. "I don't want this..."

"But you do," said Cheerilee, leaning in to squeeze the base of Thunderlane's cock where it met Orchard's entrance. "It's too late to do anything about that, silly."

"I'm so sorry Twilight," gasped Thunderlane.

"Don't be daft. You've just given her the show of her life," giggled Rarity.

Orchard Blossom, still erect, slowly stood up on her hind legs. Thunderlane's shaft slipped in tiny jerks as she released it bit by bit, finally splatting onto his barrel and getting a drop of cum on part of amulet's crystal lens in the process. Gooey liquid spilled down Orchard's thighs and dripped off of her sac down onto Thunderlane's groin.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, cunt," said Orchard Blossom. "Your place is serving me, now. Twilight isn't your princess; I am. Do you understand?"

"Y-yes..."

"Yes, Mistress."

"Yes, Mistress..."

"Very good. Bitches, get the cunt cleaned up. Cheerilee, shackle and gag our new friend so he can stay the night. It shouldn't take long for the infection to set."

"And then we can have some real fun!" said Rarity, grinning madly. "Big Macintosh may dress on a whim, but I think you'll make a darling sissy faggot all the time. That way everypony will know, as is likely Master's want."

"I can't, please..."

"Can't what?" said Pinkie Pie, cocking her head.

"My brother. Please say you'll leave Rumble out of this," he gasped. "I don't want him to know about me..."

"Everypony is going to know about you," hissed Cheerilee. "Not right away, but eventually. That's the whole point of being a cunt, especially a juicy one like you."

"Oh no, he'll think terrible things," sobbed Thunderlane.

"No he won't, silly!" said Pinkie Pie. "He'll think you're cute, just like all the colts and stallions will! And probably the mares."

"We ain't gonna do anything to your kin, anyhow," said Orchard Blossom.

"Oh thank Celestia," sighed Thunderlane.

"Because you'll do it yourself when the time is right," whispered Rarity, and she placed the gag into his mouth before he could protest. Cheerilee started washing his thighs as Rarity removed the amulet and repositioned it on the shelf. The drop of cum still obscured a tiny portion of the view, but Rarity left it there even though she must have seen it. I could see Thunderlane's blushing face and shivering body. Even though nopony was holding him down anymore, he didn't make the slightest move to escape.

"Wow, look at his face... It's like, he's totally defeated," said Spike. "We've already lost him, haven't we?"

"And it took less than twenty minutes," I noted. "That was remarkably efficient, given all the exchange of bodily fluids going on. Stars, I really wish you hadn't seen that, Spike."

"Me too," said Spike. "I... I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Thunderlane said he wasn't gay, didn't he? How did this happen?"

I knew what I was feeling, at least: extremely horny. I didn't know why, because what I had witnessed was absolutely horrifying and sick, but nonetheless I was drooling on the blankets (eww, sorry journal). But I wasn't about to tell Zecora or Spike that, so I just sat there without moving. I could tell the way Spike occasionally clenched the pillow in his lap that he was feeling something similar. Zecora, as always, was a rock.

Unfortunately there's more, so I'm going to split this into two entries. No extra space this time.

Day 52 (Project Pink Slip) (Part 2 of 2)

We continued watching the horrendous display in front of us, and I'm not entirely sure I can make a case for why. It was sort of like watching a train wreck—by which I mean, it's terrible, but you can't look away.

I still don't understand why I was "turned on" by any of this. It bothers me even now. How can something be so disgusting and still be "sexy" at the same time? To be honest, I think all sex feels like this to me. It's just a matter of degrees of disgust.

I almost wish there were no such thing as sex, journal. Things would definitely be simpler that way. I feel guilty for these temporary desires that well up in my barrel like a siren's call. I don't know if I'll ever be able to enjoy myself in any of these disgusting ways without becoming a completely different pony in the process.

Then again, I remember being with Applejack, which wasn't so bad. That was only a little gross, and I felt... I felt like I loved her. I don't know what's real, or how to tell. Standard logic doesn't seem to apply to these situations.

How I wish Princess Celestia were here.

Wait, I don't mean I wish Celestia were watching vampony sex with me! Just to be clear on that. Okay, moving on.

After Cheerilee finished shackling Thunderlane's hooves together, front and rear, she placed her head up inside Orchard Blossom's skirt, and there were some really disgusting sounds I don't want to think about. It didn't seem to faze Orchard Blossom a bit.

"Rarity, dear," she said, "I believe it's too warm in the shed this evening. I'd prefer our new cunt's induction not be too traumatic, so perhaps we should put it in the house for the evening."

Rarity nodded. "Good idea, Mistress. But shouldn't somepony watch over it?"

"Yes, and I think it should be Cheerilee, once she's done finished with her mare's duty," said Orchard Blossom. "I'd prefer to have her here with us as we finish Pinkie, but we're already keeping things... severely toned down for our audience," she added, and looked into the camera from a distance.

Cheerilee pulled her face out from beneath Orchard Blossom's skirt, covered in cum. and licking her lips. "Aww," she said with a mock pout.

"Don't you fuss. We'll play with you later, bitch," Orchard Blossom promised sweetly, and Cheerilee returned to her task.

"Wait, what? This is toned down?" I gasped. "Why would they show us any of this, Zecora? It certainly isn't encouraging me to follow the Order!"

"Too long have these ponies had taint. What's normal to them, would make others faint. They do not realize this show does not stir up your fire, below," said Zecora.

"You mean they've forgotten what's normal?" asked Spike.

"That actually makes sense," I said. "If they've been heavily focused on their private time together, perhaps they can't remember exactly where normal boundaries lie. They might think they're encouraging me when I feel terrified."

"To be fair, I must admit: I'm almost encouraged by it," said Zecora, with a hint of a blush.

(That reminds me of the joke about what's black and white and red all over—now I have two punchlines, ha! The other one is "a newspaper"—because it's "read" all over. Get it? It's a homonym pun! I love those, but Pinkie keeps telling me I can't tell a joke properly. Comedy is much harder than it looks.)

"Disturbing," was all I said, but I took a cue from Spike and put a pillow in my lap. It was starting to affect me, even though I was far too unsettled to feel any urge to submit.

Rarity stood Thunderlane up. The shackles made movement slow and difficult, and he blushed like fire as his lubricated penis waggled crudely beneath him, drooling cum onto the hay covering the flooring. He whined softly but the gag prevented him from speaking.

"Relax, darling," said Rarity. "We'll take good care of you. You'll be in absolute bliss before you know it."

Cheerilee finally withdrew from Orchard Blossom's skirt, licking the cum from her face with an impossibly long, whiplike tongue. "It's sooooo good, Mistress," she moaned, then giggled up at Thunderlane. "Alright, somepony needs a time out. Mistress, where should we sleep?"

"If you clean it up properly, you can sleep in AJ's bed. Also, there are marble accessories on the kitchen counter. Put it in marble wing clips and a marble collar for now. No earrings. I want to pierce its ears personally," she said, with an evil grin.

"Oh! What a treat!" Cheerilee said, and stood up to walk Thunderlane out of the barn. "Perhaps we'll leave a wet spot or two for Applejack to find. Come on now, sweetie pie. You're in good hooves," she said as the pair exited the view.

Pinkie Pie bounced slightly in place, even though she could only jump about two or three centimeters with the shackles on her legs. Unlike Thunderlane's, hers were bolted to the flooring (but I think I already wrote that).

Orchard Blossom adjusted her blonde wig and pursed her lips in thought. "I think I'm going to go au natural for this one, Rarity. I trust you have your kit with you?"

Rarity nodded and retrieved something from her saddlebags. "Let's go off camera," she suggested, and they moved to the end of the barn.

"Twilight! Hi hi hi Twilight!" said Pinkie Pie, grinning from across the barn at the shelf that held the amulet. The drop of Thunderlane's ejaculate resting on the lens only obscured a tiny bit of the window, but it was starting to get on my nerves. I tried my best to ignore it, with little success.

"I guess it's not all that bad," said Spike. "Sick, yeah, but they're not, like, murdering ponies or anything."

"Spike, you're rationalizing this because you love Rarity," I pointed out. "Don't defend these kinds of aberrant behaviors."

Zecora nodded. "Love is blind, and blind one it can. You are a hopeless Rarity fan."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I know how I feel about Rarity affects my judgment, but I'm just saying, it could be a lot worse."

I sighed and planted a hoof over my face. How do you convince somepony that a behavior is sick and disgusting when they no longer feel the revulsion they should?

Worse yet, what happens if I stop feeling revulsion?

Fortunately, I don't think that will happen. I'm still disturbed by nearly everything I've seen tonight. Yes, I might be a little turned on, but I'm unnerved in equal measure.

Big Macintosh returned into view, absent the wig, dress, and makeup. I could see he still had a little bit of eyeliner on, but for the most part he looked normal. Well, if you ignore the fact that he's tottering about oddly on his hind legs and his cock is bouncing in the air, of course.

"Aww, no more Orchard Blossom," pouted Pinkie. "You're so cute like that!"

"Pinkie! That is not how you address Master," said Rarity, admonishing with a wave of her hoof. Big Mac frowned and nodded.

"I'm sorry Master. But, it's true," she whimpered.

"It's alright, bitch," said Mac, minus the falsetto now, yanking Pinkie's mane. "Your Master enjoys it too, but I need to focus if I'm gonna let the wolf out for your marbling."

"Ooh, I'm so nervouscited!" Pinkie squealed. Rarity chuckled and pulled out a marble brick from her saddlebags.

"That's it. That's the brain box," I said, pointing at the image with a shaky hoof.

"Huh. It doesn't really look like much of anything," said Spike.

"Sometimes, quite the largest thing, in tiny package, it may bring," said Zecora.

I nodded. "Be careful not to stare at it," I said. "It can't affect you if you will against it. All I had to do was shut my eyes."

Big Mac looked at the camera and smiled softly. "Now, Twilight, this is a very important ceremony. We're gonna tread real light so we don't upset your delicate princess stomach, but what you're about to witness is a beautiful thing."

"Honestly, Pinkie, you should really be in marbles right now since you haven't submitted to the stone already. Master has been far too patient with you," said Rarity.

"Don't you question my patience, bitch," said Mac, yanking back on Rarity's mane. This elicited a wide smile and a moan from Rarity (not to mention an incredible amount of discomfort in my nethers).

"Yes, Master, I'm so sorry," she whined. Mac pulled hard on her mane, then leaned down and kissed Rarity deeply in the mouth. It sounded terrible, like an army of ponies slurping soup at the same time. I could see their cheeks bulging out and knew they were doing ghastly things with those unnaturally-long tongues.

Pinkie giggled. "Oh Twilie, I really hope you're still watching! This is going to be a blast!"

I shuddered uncomfortably at the nickname.

Rarity and Mac broke off the kiss, and Rarity gasped and panted.

"Bitch, why don't you explain this to Twilight? You're useful at that sort of thing," said Mac.

Rarity smiled and walked halfway to the camera. "Thank you, Master. Twilight, Pinkie's practically already broken because she wasn't abused as a foal like all the rest of us were—her sister kept that naughty part of her brain from developing in the first place," said Rarity. "So the effect of the ritual will be relatively minor."

"It may be just a formality," said Big Macintosh, looking back to the camera. "But it's an important formality, and we can move forward once Pinkie is fully within the fold."

Rarity set her saddlebags to the side and moved the marble brick in front of Pinkie. "Alright, darling. Are you prepared and willing to submit this time?" she asked.

"YES YES YES!" shouted an extremely excited Pinkie, vibrating against the shackles.

"We're gonna make this crazy pink pussy explode if we keep teasin' her," said Big Macintosh. "Pinkie, you're unbound right now, but don't let the wolf out until after you're broken. Do you understand?"

Pinkie Pie nodded. "I remember! It's okay, I'm used to keeping my hooves clenched by now."

"Unbound? But she's shackled," said Spike.

"I think he means she doesn't have the shoes on," I said. "Shoes and the aconitum flower are the only two things that keep Pinkie from going full-on darkhoof."

Rarity looked up at Big Macintosh, and Mac nodded. "Go back there and service the bitch. Clean both of her holes with your tongue and play with her teats. Make her squeal."

"Yes, Master," said Rarity with bright eyes and a fangy grin, and she walked back behind Pinkie.

"Oh no that is so gross," I said, recoiling against the blankets. I can't believe Rarity would lick somepony there! It's just not Rarity. I don't know if there's anything left of the pony we knew," I whispered. I felt on the verge of tears.

"Twi, I'm pretty sure Rarity did stuff like that before she became a vampony," said Spike.

"That's literally impossible, Spike! Why would you even think that?" I said, in deep frustration.

"Things ponies would never do, in sex, they may. It's odd, but true," said Zecora. "I would not be so surprised to see her tongue 'twixt Pinkie's thighs."

"That's the part of this I don't get," I said. "How does sex change ponies like this? It sounds like you're saying that even if all the vamponies went away, one day I might behave like Rarity is right now!"

Zecora nodded and smiled.

"I think that's true," said Spike. "I dunno how it works. All I know is there are things I think are gross, that stop being disgusting the moment I imagine Rarity doing them."

I shuddered. "Someday I'm going to invent a spell to destroy a pony's sex drive, and use it on myself to end this madness entirely."

Spike tossed a frightened look at Zecora, who frowned at me in turn. "We will talk later, my dear student, but that attitude isn't prudent. It is unhealthy to resist primal needs when nature insists."

I know I'd be called a 'prude' or whatever, but I'm certain Zecora's wrong. I need to get to the bottom of what makes pony sexuality 'click' someday, so I can conquer these needs for good.

Pinkie's eyes rolled back in her head, and she moaned and her ears twitched as Rarity did things with her muzzle beneath Pinkie's tail. Fortunately, the view was obscured. (Unfortunately, my imagination took over.)

"I need you to look down here now, bitch," said Big Macintosh. Then he squatted down, slid the box open alongside the metal seam, and folded down the edges, exposing most of the stone on the bed of black crushed velvet. It was hard to see well from this distance, but I wasn't going to look directly at it.

"I doubt the stone could affect us through the visual window," I said. "There isn't a mana channel in the television device. There's still a small chance that the artifact is able to make a connection with your mind as long as you can visualize it and it's within a certain distance, however."

"So don't stare at the brick. Got it," said Spike. "You don't have to tell me twice."

Big Macintosh grabbed Pinkie's mane and tilted her head toward the box. "You know we love you, Pinkie," he said. "This is for your own good." Then Mac started whispering something to her, but it was too soft to make out.

"Oh...!" said Pinkie, staring right down at the brick and into the stone. "It... it hurts my noggin a little... but it's so pretty! I can see it everywhere, cotton candy clouds in a lemonade sea! Changing colors..."

"Shush," said Mac, gently bopping Pinkie on the muzzle with a hoof. Pinkie Pie blushed. "Yes Master. I accept this," she murmured gently, then fell silent, gazing into the stone as her jaw began to hang open.

Behind her, I could see Rarity lifting Pinkie's tail high and licking and kissing up the dock. Then she returned to servicing the lower area. It sounded like she was using her vampony tongue to... dear Celestia, I don't even want to write it. But it was obvious that somehow, in some sick way, Rarity was enjoying herself almost as much as Pinkie Pie.

Big Macintosh let go of Pinkie's mane, and she continued to stare straight at the stone, eyes wide and glazed over. "That's it, bitch," said Big Mac, kissing her on the side of her muzzle. "Let it all go, and show our good friend Twilight just how wonderful it is to fall into the Order."

"So good," gasped Pinkie. "Ow-owie... no, it's a b-better now..." she murmured, then fell silent again.

I'm scared for her. I don't know what to expect. I hope we haven't lost Pinkie Pie, but it's not a very strong hope.

Pinkie's head wavered a little, as though she were disoriented, then her eyes pulled up and away from the brick. I couldn't see too clearly from this distance, but I could tell her eyes were bloodshot. She had a silly smile on her face (even for Pinkie).

"That's my good girl," Big Mac cooed approvingly, and then he kissed her square on the front of the muzzle and parted his lips. For a few seconds, the only sounds were the filthy sound of tongues against wet surfaces, and Pinkie whining in tiny little staccato sounds emanated through her nose.

"I guess that's it," said Spike. "Huh. I was expecting more of a show, the way they played it up."

"I think the show is more internal than external," I said.

Rarity stood up and licked her muzzle by wrapping her tongue all the way around it and pulling it tight. She looked over Pinkie's rump, up at the camera, and grinned. "All better," she said, gently stroking Pinkie's tail base with a hoof.

Mac broke the kiss with Pinkie Pie. "Alright, my little bitch. You can let it free now," he said. "Let's see those pretty hooves of yours."

Rarity walked up to Pinkie's flank and looked into the camera from a distance. "Twilight, Pinkie needs to be shackled because she can't control the wolf. Big Mac, on the other hoof, is a Master."

Pinkie laughed. "Fun and educational!" she said, then grinned inanely wide as her body began to change. Her muscles rippled beneath her pelt, her ears poofed up cutely, and she snarled and licked the side of her face with her tongue. Her hooves started coming apart, as much as they could with the shackles on, at least. The hoofoids squeezed violently at the flooring and hay, making scrabbling sounds as they began dripping blood-red goo against the yellow straw.

"Ouch," said Spike, wincing.

"I don't think it hurts her. But yeah, it looks a lot like blood, and that's pretty unsettling."

"Hooves shouldn't do that, Twilight."

"I agree, Spike."

Pinkie snorted and snarled, and her tongue flew out of her mouth and grasped Big Mac by the withers. He stepped forward and held his hooves aloft as the change began to take him in turn: the fangs extended fully, his ears fluffed up, and his forehooves—which he held up to Pinkie's face, mind you—split in thrain and dribbled red ooze.

Then something curious happened which I still don't understand. Pinkie and Mac both appeared to be repeatedly sneering in a very obvious but odd way: the upper lip curling hard to expose the gums above their fangs, and always as the mouth began to open. Now that I see it, I'm pretty sure Rarity made that same motion with her upper lip once or twice back when Thunderlane was being... you know. She was a lot more subtle about it, though, so I didn't recognize it as anything notable at the time. Maybe they just want to 'look nasty', or something? I'm not sure...

Anyway, Pinkie squealed pleasurefully as Big Mac wrapped his hoofoids around her face, smearing it with bloody goo and tugging at her flesh. His rear hooves split as well, into little tripods still allowing him to maintain his balance on two legs. He began to snort and growl ferally, and his tongue shot out and met Pinkie's in midair. His cock swelled and smacked Pinkie's neck, and his hoofoids gripped tighter. Pinkie Pie howled as she sprayed urine(?) forcefully out of her backside, tail lifted high and bobbing mesmerically.

Rarity motioned to Big Mac. It took him a moment to respond. It was clear he needed to engage considerable concentration to avoid losing control entirely. She whispered up into his fuzzy ears.

"Eeyuuuuuuuuup," he said horsely, his voice sandpapery and deep.

Rarity grinned. "Oh, this will be perfect," she said, and trotted to the camera, lifting it with her magic and holding it up to her face. "I hope you're watching, Twilight," she said. She was walking back to Pinkie but kept the camera in her face so we couldn't see exactly where she was. In the background there were loud slapping, screeching, and crunching? (shudder) noises that sounded like something out of a historical battle reenactment.

And then Rarity smiled sweetly and said, "Have a sample, little princess."

Suddenly, the entire viewport was the stone itself.

I gasped and tried to turn away or shut my eyes, but it was too large and bright. It was a little blurry, but it didn't matter. The image worked even from a distance of kilometers from the source. I felt it taking longer than before, but it started boring into my forehead again, and I couldn't even blink to stop it. I could hear Spike gasping and panting for breath next to me. I tried to cancel the spell, but I couldn't see anything but that beautiful, impossible sky, now on all sides of me—if there even was a "me" anymore. And then...

...Zecora finished dragging both of us into the kitchen, and I snapped back to reality.

"Holy shit," I coughed. "That was much stronger than I remember. It connects based on visual stimulus, so the television must have inadvertently amplified the connection. The stone was weaker at this distance, but the effect much harder to resist."

"Ow. I have a headache, Twilight," Spike complained. "Oh no. Are we going to be okay?"

"Yes, thanks to Zecora. But this experiment needs to end now," I said, and cancelled the viewport. The main room of the library went dim.

"I figured that you might desire to leave that magic's line of fire," said Zecora.

"Zecora, how did you avoid connecting to the stone?" I asked, as Spike and I scrambled to our hooves.

"It would take time to explain, but I know many tricks of brain," she said, with an odd half-smile.

Okay, that's over with, and that was a lot, so I'll summarize the rest. Spike and I were really tired, and I knew I should leave the library, but Zecora convinced me to stay. I can actually put a strong force bubble around the tree that will last for a few hours, so she's going to wake me in the middle of the night and I'll recast it. Nothing short of alicorn magic should be able to penetrate it.

Of course, I know Rarity said they were going to leave us alone, but right now I trust her about as far as I can throw Big Macintosh without using magic.

Spike and I need to have that conversation in the morning, then the three of us will make plans together. I have no idea what our next move should be, but my temptation is to infiltrate the castle in Canterlot and take my brother hostage. He seems to be at the top of this particular totem pole, so he may be all the leverage I need. It's not like Cadence remains a threat without her horn.

Luna's the one I'm really worried about, though. Zecora gave Spike and I each a brew (rather foul-tasting, bleah) that should mask our dreams this evening. I guess we'll see.

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED

Day 53 (Pinkie's Gambit)

I put up a bubble shield over the entire tree before sleeping.

Whatever that drink had in it, I fell asleep like a rock and didn't recall any dreams upon waking. Zecora woke me up after five hours to recast the shield spell, but I don't remember that either. I was a little groggy in the morning when I finally got up. I'm letting Spike sleep in right now. I hope he isn't having nightmares about the horror show we saw last night. Poor Spike. This whole mess isn't something anypony his age should have to endure.

I'm probably not going to be safe here for much longer. The fact that Rarity says she knew I was here all along isn't enough to convince me that it's true. She could easily have guessed that after watching Thunderlane leave the library (which is no doubt why Mac coltnapped him). And either Cadance or Luna could break my shield. No, wait—Cadance can't cast spells. Team Creepy's really hamstringing themselves with the horn business. I guess that's one thing we have going in our favor.

I need to work fast, which means ad-hoc checklists rather than preparing checklists by using my checklist preparation checklist, which I always prefer. So here's a hastily-assembled checklist of everything I think I need to do:

* Discuss Spike's visits with Rarity

* Research magical and medical treatments for eliminating my sex drive

* Work on improving the regression spell into a true vampony cure

* Check with Zecora on status of alchemical armaments

* Try to contact Pinkie Pie (carefully), maybe send Spike

* Develop a plan for locating and coltnapping my brother in Canterlot

* Make plans to mass-inform citizens about vamponies, if worst case happens

* Work with Zecora on a plan to contain vampony outbreak in Ponyville

* Get ponies on our side without Team Creepy finding out (i.e. Thunderlane)

* Check up on Thunderlane to see if he's okay, if at all possible

* Recruit the Cutie Mark Crusaders to keep tabs on Rarity and Mac

* Practice meditation with Zecora

* Research the spell Rarity cast on Thun-

Wait a minute.

Something isn't right here. Rarity doesn't have her horn... Then how did she cast the spell on Thunderlane? Dear Celestia, I was so distracted I didn't realize it at the time! Actually, she used her horn twice last night—once to cast the spell as demanded by Big Mac (or Orchard Blossom or whatever), and once to levitate the camera. Maybe more? That's all I remember.

Her horn couldn't have grown back that quickly. It's highly improbable that even vampony magic could cause that rate of regeneration, given the special nature of the osseous tissue that unicorn horns are composed of. Plus, I got a close enough look at her horn to see that what she was sporting was a fake. Under that fob must be a stumpy horn that isn't nearly long enough yet to act as a mana oscillatory cavity—she still has months to go. And you can't cast magic spells without a horn, or at least not those kinds of spells. I was able to cast dark magic through my eyes when I was trapped by my parents, but even then I still made use of my horn because the ounckse didn't completely divorce my connection to it (it just prevented the magic from collecting and exiting). I'm certain I can't cast dark magic without a horn.

Think, Sparkle. What did I actually see? Okay, I didn't see her cast the spell, but I did see Rarity's aura: the same shade of blue she's always had, except for that one time she was possessed by an evil book of magic (Spike says it was green then). I also saw her aura around the camera when she appeared to move it telekinetically. It wouldn't have been dark magic if her aura were normal, and it was normal.

Although, I think I remember seeing her face when her aura surrounded the camera, and I should have been able to see the second glow around her horn? I don't remember seeing her horn glow. I'm not a hundred percent on it, but I don't think her (fake) horn was glowing when she moved the camera.

When all of the rational possibilities have been eliminated, we have to begin considering the irrational possibilities. There must have been another unicorn present with the same aura as Rarity, and this was all some kind of an elaborate show for my benefit. But that doesn't make any sense! Oh, this is just going to drive me up the wall (figuratively). Actually, maybe literally too (not really, but almost).

Okay. I'm going to check on Zecora first, then wake Spike up and talk things over with him because I'm gonna go nuts if I keep ruminating.

Brief moment to write here after spending time with Pinkie, more on that shortly.

First, Zecora was sleeping in the basement. She can sleep standing up, which is a little creepy, but she seemed really exhausted. Maybe the experience last night took something out of her after all. The supplies look the same as the last time I checked them, so I think she's finished all of her planned batches.

I woke up Spike from some kind of nightmare he didn't want to talk about. He took the potion too, so hopefully Luna wasn't able to see into his dreams. I'm not convinced that Luna is our enemy, to be completely honest, but I trust her less than I do Pinkie Pie at present.

Spike didn't remember any further details, and he didn't have any new ideas. This horn thing is a real puzzler. One problem is I don't even know why they're lopping off horns in the first place. Initially it seemed like it had something to do with the mares relinquishing control to stallions? Or maybe it was just a sex thing? But that's not exactly productive when your wife is a powerful alicorn! I don't see the plus side to that tradeoff, but maybe there isn't anything rational about being a vampony in the first place (not surprising).

Spike and I did have that talk, however.

I opened with, "Tell me what's been going on, Spike."

"Please don't be mad Twilight," he whined.

I sighed. "I don't blame you for any of this. It's okay. I just want the truth."

Spike nodded. "Well, I accidentally bumped into Rarity several days ago. I was spying on her and she caught me, basically."

I frowned, which made Spike wince.

I tried to relax a little. "I'm sorry, Spike. I'm trying not to judge you; keep going."

"Okay. Well, we got to talking about everything, and she tried to convince me that Team Creepy was in the right. She made some pretty good arguments, mostly centered on friendship, but she wouldn't tell me any specifics," he said.

"I'm surprised she let you go, to be honest."

"I was too, but I think she was playing for a longer game. She told me I'd always be welcome to talk to her, and she wouldn't try to get any information out of me, but she wanted to see me on a daily basis if possible so we could... um..."

I bit my lip.

"...spend some quality time together. I knew she was just trying to win me over, but I was weak. I am weak, I mean."

"Like, kissing and stuff? Spike, was she... molesting you?"

Spike shrugged. "I guess technically, but I made her agree to boundaries, so neither of us were touching each other anywhere naughty."

My eyes widened. "Well, that's actually really mature of you. Ironically speaking, given that you were avoiding mature situations."

"Thanks. It took every ounce of courage I had to make the demand, though. And it slipped quite a bit over time. She made that plug for me, the one you found, and she made me wear it... Right before you showed up, I was really close to giving into her completely."

I nodded. "I appreciate you telling me the truth, Spike."

"It's okay that you wore it too, though. I'm sure Pinkie didn't give you much choice."

I shook my head. "She didn't, but ew gross I can't believe I was even touching something that had been inside you!!!" I said, trying and failing not to freak out. "Oh Pinkie Pie. What in Equestria are we going to do with you..."

That was about when I heard a soft ringing sound which we eventually figured out was somepony pounding on the shield. Pinkie Pie was outside. She looked as bright and cheerful as ever. I didn't see anypony else with her, but I figured it was likely that vamponies were waiting on the other side of the building for me to drop the shield. Zecora and Spike took watch on the balconies, and didn't see anypony else, so I dropped the shield long enough to let her in (then put it right back up).

Pinkie opened the front door and started marching forwards on her hind legs, waving her forelegs out in front of her with her eyes rolled back in her head.

"Braaaaaains..." she said, drooling all over the floor in the process (thanks Pinkie).

Spike yelped, jumped, and scurried under the table. But even I wasn't buying this act.

"Pinkie don't do that please," I said, holding a hoof to my forehead.

Pinkie fell to all fours and smiled. "But I need your brains to help figure out what to do next, Twilight! Or maybe that's my brains? Oh! You can use your brains on my brains," she volunteered.

I nodded. "Let's head downstairs."

"I knew she was kidding," said Spike, before bonking his head on the underside of the table. "Ow."

It didn't take long to get measurements. Zecora and Spike watched as I strapped Pinkie into the electroencephalogram and cast a few spells.

"This is very interesting. There is a difference, but it's small," I said. "I am showing decreased activity in one small region of the prefrontal cortex, and unusually elevated levels of dopamine and GABA in the general vicinity."

"Is gabba what makes me talk so much?" asked Pinkie.

I chuckled. "No, it's almost the opposite. It's the dominant inhibitory neurotransmitter, so it has an effect similar to imbibing ethyl alcohol."

Pinkie raised a brow in confusion.

"Hard cider."

"Ohhhhhhh," she said.

"But not really! It has a bunch of different functions in the brain and most of them have nothing to do with drunkenness," I said. "Anyway, the important thing is that I'm detecting signs of a lesion or intrusion in part of the prefrontal cortex, which is consistent with what my mother told me the box does."

"Is that bad?" asked Spike.

I sighed. "I think so, yes. It's technically a sort of brain damage, but at least it isn't wanton. It's highly focused on one particular area of the brain. We don't know enough about how the pony brain works to predict what it might be doing, which is highly disconcerting..."

"Why is that?" asked Pinkie.

I exchanged a knowing glance with Zecora, and she spoke for us both. "Though ancient, this technology is not primitive as can be. Far in the past, some things were known, but lost to time these truths have grown."

"Exactly. The technology necessary to make the stone is beyond what we currently possess in modern society," I explained. "Whoever made these artifacts appears to have known more about biology than we know today, which means that knowledge—and perhaps an entire civilization—has been lost to the sands of time."

"And if Team Creepy has access to that technology, then they're an even bigger threat?" said Spike.

"Yes. We really don't know what to expect. I'm hoping Princess Celestia can shed some light on this, but we don't have a reliable way to contact her," I said. "If she's been imprisoned in the Crystal Empire, anything I send her will be intercepted, and we have almost no scrolls here to use anyway. I have one blank scroll I kept for emergency purposes which I'm considering using to get access to more scrolls. Then I might do some tests to see if we can communicate."

"A two-way window would be best, if the magic you could invest," said Zecora.

"If you can put together a way to communicate with Celestia, that would be perfect," I said.

Zecora pursed her lips in thought. "I believe I have a plan. Tomorrow you will understand." She started digging through her materials, and I unbuckled Pinkie Pie.

"I really really really really really really really want you to join us though, Twilight," said Pinkie Pie. "Sooner or later you need to start sucking lots of stallion cock like a good filly!"

I ignored that. Spike, Pinkie, and I walked upstairs.

"Pinkie, I need you to try to remember something for me. Rarity's horn is a fake, right?" I asked.

Pinkie squinted for a moment. "Hmmmm. Oh! Yes! She took it off later that evening after your amulet broke, which happened right after she put it on the stone."

"What was underneath the fake horn?"

"A small nub, maybe 'yea' long?" said Pinkie, motioning with her hooves. The size she indicated was at most three centimeters. "She filed it down a little but not much. It still looks kind of stumpy, which seems like a 'fashion don't' to me but I'm not the expert."

"That's what I thought. There's no way she can perform magic with a horn that small. And I agree about the fashion thing: the Rarity I know would file it down symmetrically if she weren't batshit crazy," I said. "Pinkie, is there any chance you can ask Rarity about it today and bring back that information?

Pinkie Pie clacked her shoes nervously against the flooring. "She probably won't tell me. I did get some information from her, but Big Mac said the horn stuff is private, so you're not supposed to know. Even if I did know, I probably wouldn't want to tell you. Nothing personal!"

"Hay, at least you're honest," said Spike.

"What information did you get that you can tell us?" I asked. "Try to be as precise as possible."

"Sure! Well, Rarity had her tongue all the way up my coo—"

"NOT that precise," I interjected. "Sorry. Let's just start general."

Pinkie giggled. I could tell she was enjoying this at my expense, but what choice did I have?

"Okay, spoilsport. Well, Rarity told me about how the plan has been changing over time," she said, sitting on the cushions and patting the spot next to her.

"That sounds important," said Spike, taking a seat.

I sighed and took a seat myself, already worried Pinkie was leading us both into a session of tonsil-hockey and grotesque, unsanitary fluid exchanges. "Go on."

"Apparently, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance at first thought they could have a vampony revolution across both kingdoms and everything would be some kind of utopia, but that turned out to be super-duper unrealistic," she said. "So they've had to get increasingly secretive and take things much slower than they wanted, and that's relevant to Rarity because she's doing the accessories."

"And the accessories reflect that in some way?" I asked.

Pinkie nodded. "The shoes aren't as heavy, the sieves on the weighted wing-clips are removable and probably won't be used much, and she's been making custom false horns that slip over the base of a broken horn."

"And the earrings are smaller," noted Spike, pointing at my ears. I suddenly became aware of the insistent tugging of the tiny but weighty fashion accessories, and it made me feel uncomfortable. It was like Rarity was there, holding my ears, reminding me she had me.

"What's the point of the wing-clips without the sieves?" I asked.

"Well, the main purpose is to 'inhibit the wolf from coming out', or something. I guess they prevent pegasus wings from turning into bat wings? That would be useful because the flowers only last a few days." Pinkie giggled. "And as a cunt, I'm not supposed to be in control of the change."

That word made me feel even more uncomfortable, but I tried my best to hide it. "Huh. Okay, that's interesting. Does chopping off one's horn prevent the vampony change for bloodhorns?"

Pinkie shook her head. "Nope! Rarity can totally change, but it makes the fake horn pop off, because the base gets thicker and all red."

"Why in Tartarus are horns are getting cut off at all, then?" I pondered aloud.

"Because it's sexy?" said Pinkie Pie. "I think it is, at least. I don't have much of a horn myself." Pinkie rubbed the smooth surface of her forehead with her hoof.

"Oh, maybe that cap Cadance has stops the change," said Spike.

"That's a reasonable hypothesis, Spike. But we don't have a lot to go on right now, so I don't know how we can confirm any of this except through Pinkie. And she's just getting what Rarity feeds her," I said.

"Oh, I eat things on my own too. Especially sugar!"

"Not what she meant Pinkie," said Spike, beating me to the punch.

"But I like sugar?" she said, pouting.

"Focus, Pinkie. Is there anything else you learned from Rarity that you haven't told us?"

Pinkie sat for a few moments, muzzle scrunched up in thought. "I don't think so. Oh! I asked about the different materials. The steel and silver ones are for ponies who don't have a permanent Master. It means they're 'on the market', sorta."

"Does that mean Big Macintosh isn't Rarity's Master?" asked Spike.

"No, it means she's temporarily his," said Pinkie. "He has to do like quintuple-duty because there are so few vamponies in Ponyville right now. He might not even be my Master forever, but I'm still a good fit as his property so I have copper instead of steel."

"Few vamponies? That's useful information. If it's just the four of you—"

"Five, Twi. Thunderlane," said Spike.

"Well, we don't know if he's been compromised entirely yet," I said.

"Oh, he's been reeeeeally compromised," said Pinkie Pie, with a big wink. I think I blushed. Spike definitely did.

"Uh, I don't think that's what she means, Pinkie," said Spike. "We don't know if Thunderlane is totally on the vamponies' side or not."

"Well of course he is!" said Pinkie Pie. "Anypony else would be except for Twilight. She's the only pony silly enough to play this resisting-the-inevitable game."

"It's not a game," I said, bitterly.

"If you say so," said Pinkie Pie. "But wait, there are some more. I overheard something that makes me think Caramel might be now, but I don't know for sure. I'm pretty sure the Cakes are, too, but they hide it from me, probably because Mac told them to. And Granny Smith. So that makes, let's see, carry the five—at least eight, maybe nine."

I shuddered. "That poor old mare. The last thing somepony that age needs is this disgusting mess," I said. "She deserves some dignity in her golden years."

"Pfft!" said Pinkie Pie. "Dignity is SO overrated. But yeah, that's pretty much all I know. Big Macintosh is probably going to debrief me soon, not to mention depanty me, and I'll know more afterwards. But I'm pretty sure that's all I can share with you unless you want to become a vampony." Pinkie pulled some of my mane into her hoof and nuzzled it, inhaling gently.

"I'm sorry Pinkie," I said, pulling away from her. "I'm doing everything I can to stop this madness. You'll thank me for it someday."

"That's what Rarity says! I don't know which one of you is right, but my bits are on her," said Pinkie Pie. "Also, Twilight, I might not be allowed to come back here for a while, so just remember your friends love you and miss you, okay?" She looked up to me with puppy-dog eyes (that's a figure of speech) and I instantly felt bad for trying to do anything to separate us. Nonetheless, that feeling doesn't change the reality of our situation. It might be a cold war at the moment, but it's a war, and for the sake of Equestria I must prevail.

(I keep telling myself that, at least.)

Pinkie told us she had to leave to meet with Rarity, so I let her out of the bubble and she left.

"Now what?" said Spike.

"I need time to think and do research, Spike. You can help me out with some of it," I said, and then I spontaneously hugged him. He hugged me back very tightly. "I'm going to get as much research done today as I can, then I'll decide if I should stay here any longer. I can't tell Pinkie Pie my plans..."

"What are they? Er, if you want to tell me, I mean. I won't tell Rarity. I won't even visit her if you say so, but that's unbelievably hard."

I nodded. "Try not to see her at all, Spike. Please. Once Rarity finds out that you responded to the hoofgoo, she might infect you. And then I'll have one fewer friend left."

"I'll never stop being your friend, sis," said Spike, and he hugged me again. "And I'll try to stay in the tree."

"That's all I can ask. So, on to the plan. I'm going to try to kidnap Shining Armor and lecture some sense into him," I said. "Also I'm going to try to find Dash, because she's a powerful ally. Additionally, I need to evaluate the strength of Canterlot's defense forces and find out how deeply the vamponies have infected the guard."

"So you're headed to Canterlot, I guess?"

I nodded. "Looks like it. But before I leave, I'm going to try to turn the situation here a little bit more in our favor. I'll contact some ponies I can trust, and do it surreptitiously enough that the vamponies won't be able to catch on this time."

Spike nodded, and we both stood up and went to work.

I spent several hours researching various topics, but came up empty-hoofed. In particular, none of the books I keep here refer to any possibility of casting spells without a horn. There are all sorts of laws (severe ones I didn't even know about) that prevent one pony from ever touching another pony's horn, even if it has been detached. Horns that break off are supposed to be shattered and incinerated, apparently. I guess I've never heard of that because a complete horn fracture is incredibly rare (usually it's just a crack, so they splint it and it can mend).

Spike is napping and Zecora wants to talk to me, so I'll probably continue writing this entry afterwards.

Dammit. This last wonderful hiccup in the string of disasters that has become my life needs its own entry.

Day 53 (Betrayal)

I'm currently hiding in the Cutie Mark Crusaders' Clubhouse as I write this entry. Once I finish it I have a small burlap sack that I'll store the book, ink, quill, and emergency scroll in, and I'll stash it in the bushes adjacent to a nearby tree before returning here to sleep. I don't like to think about being captured again, but separating the materials from my person seems to be a good idea if I can camouflage them well (and I'm sure they'll go unnoticed, just like before).

There are some blankets here, but it isn't exactly comfortable. But beggars can't be choosers, and right now neither can mages in hiding.

After Spike woke up again, we had a small chat during brunch.

"I missed when Rarity cast that spell last night," I said to him, between bites of salad. "I still don't know how she did it. I'm wondering if there's anything else I might have missed. Was there something you noticed going on last night that wasn't totally obvious? Think hard."

Spike narrowed his eyes. "Hmm. Oh, one thing maybe: I saw Big Mac's cutie mark change, near the end after he'd transformed," he said. "I didn't see exactly what was different, but it definitely changed shape a little."

I nodded. "Like Flutterbat and Vampinkie," I said. "I didn't see it, but that makes sense. You know, at first I wasn't even sure that the stallions were becoming vamponies, but I suppose the gender differences aren't along the lines I'd originally conjectured."

"Well, your brother did seem to lay it out as a colt vs. filly thing," said Spike, "and it's clear he was the one in charge, which is pretty strange, especially when you're married to an alicorn. But I think that conversation was doomed from the start when you started on about the wolf-whistle."

"He clearly had a chip on his shoulder, and I just inadvertently happened to strike it," I said. "I don't think the entire shape of the discussion was my fault. That was going to come out regardless."

"I didn't say it was," said Spike, who then began munching on a pile of cupcakes he'd made (I've given up on trying to monitor his diet). "But like you said, we don't have a lot of information to go on," he added, with bits of cupcake flying out of his mouth and onto the table (I've also given up on trying to correct his table manners—it's simply no longer a priority).

"Since you've been meeting with Rarity, I assume your whereabouts aren't a mystery to anypony in Ponyville," I said. "Do you think you can gather intel on Rarity and Mac without running the risk of being caught?"

"Why don't I just go talk to Rarity? I know you're opposed to us spending time together—"

"That's not the problem," I said. "I don't think you're going to be safe much longer, Spike. She's been toying with us both for a while, but eventually she'll spring the trap. Now that she's certain I'm in the library you're probably more use to them coltnapped than free."

Spike looked frustrated. "Dammit, I don't want to admit it, but you're right," he said. (I decided against reprimanding him for cussing; I almost think it's a good thing at this point.)

"Just be careful, and see what you can find out without running any risks. If you watch them from public places you should be safe."

"Sweet Apple Acres won't be safe at all," he said. "I think I'll stay in Ponyville for the time being. Maybe I can sneak out to the barn after dark."

"Don't do it until I've talked to the Cutie Mark Crusaders," I said. "Apple Bloom should be able to help keep you safe."

Spike nodded, and after stuffing three cupcakes into his mouth at once, he left through the balcony exit.

I did a little more research, and eventually decided I wasn't making progress. It was time to speak with Zecora about her plans.

I went into the basement and found her brewing tea.

"Ah! I see that you are up. Twilight, would you like a cup?" she asked.

"Of course," I said, smiling, so Zecora poured me a hot cup of tea.

"Wow. I've never seen blue-shaded tea before!" I remarked. It was sweet, and a little bitter.

Zecora smiled as she sat with me. She said nothing, but looked deep into my eyes, and I started to feel a little strange. I nervously swallowed a large sip of tea, and then I felt very dizzy...

I woke up in my bed, with Zecora beside me. I had a slight headache.

"Ow," I said. A hoof pushed a pill into my mouth, and I swallowed.

"Sorry for the headache, dear. Your relief should be quite near," she said.

I realized we were lying under the covers. That Zecora smell was strong, but even as pungent and earthy as it was, it felt welcoming. I realized she was holding my side. A moment later, I knew something was very wrong about all this.

"Zecora, what's going on?" I asked nervously. I felt weak, though I wasn't paralyzed or anything like what my parents did to me. My horn definitely didn't feel right, though, and I couldn't activate it.

"I went to the trouble to fix up your teeth. But as for my teeth: there's a secret beneath."

Zecora leaned down and kissed me on my nose and smiled a fangy grin.

I almost panicked, but something stopped me. I liked this. I liked being this close to my friend. I realized this is something that I'd always wanted to happen, but I never had the insight to try. Even though I was probably doomed, I loved this zebra.

I shut my eyes tight. "Of course," I said. "Pinkie Pie bit you. It makes perfect sense, there's no reason she wouldn't have."

Despite my fear, I ran my tongue across my front teeth, experimentally. I don't know how she did it, but they're like new.

Zecora nodded. "Yes, my little pony, dear. I'm sorry to spook you here, but I've always wanted to get to know the real you."

"This is it, then. You're going to turn me, and then it's all over," I said. I actually felt relieved, because this meant I wouldn't have to fight anymore, and it was wearing me down so much.

Zecora shook her head. "I think I will let you go," she said, to my surprise. "But, as you do, I need to know if you believe that I am cursed. Or has your judgment been reversed?"

I took a deep breath, and her musky scent filled my nostrils. It was a little too powerful for comfort, but it quickened my pulse nonetheless. "I can't give up," I said. "Don't you think I want to? Even if I thought the vamponies weren't hurting ponies, I can't let them have their way with Spike, or make sex with my family the 'new normal'. It goes against everything I believe in."

Zecora's face fell. "Everything, you say? Bah! Exaggeration, this zebra, believes your claim to truly be. Give us a chance, and you will see."

I shook my head. "No. And it's hard to say that, because..." I hesitated to say it because it added to my vulnerability, but I had to, "...I think I might love you. I think I always have, but I didn't know what it was. I know that sounds stupid."

The zebra smiled and hugged me briefly. "You are too good for this world, dear. The end of your suff'ring is near, but I will let you suffer more. You must first do the acts you swore."

"Do you already know how this is going to end?" I asked, fearing the answer, so I added another question instead: "Why would you support this kind of sexualized madness?"

"Your culture is so hard, I find, to rectify body and mind," she said. "I come from lands beyond the trees, and zebras don't so tightly squeeze the sex out of our daily lives. And, many sires have several wives."

I felt a warmth entering my core, and realized the pill Zecora had given me had a mild narcotic effect. It wasn't helping my resistance. I felt super-cuddly all of a sudden.

Then I sighed as I realized the obvious. "You have a golden collar and earrings, too. You never needed the accessories, because you were already marked."

"Too late, I see, the insight come. But I don't think that you are dumb. Your mind blocked that epiphany because you did not want to see."

I tried to focus magic through my eyes, but it didn't work. "It's poison joke, isn't it? My horn is completely flaccid."

Zecora chuckled, and I realized that word might have been allusory to something phallic. I blushed.

"When can I leave?" I asked.

"Do you need to leave so soon? If yes, with the rise of moon."

"And what now? Are all those supplies you put together for the vamponies instead of the good guys?"

She nodded. "Of course, silly horse."

"Shit. I can't believe I didn't see this, but you're right. I don't think I wanted to, deep down, even though it was obvious," I said. "So, what now? Are you just going to rape me like everypony else?"

I saw Zecora's eyes mist up, and a wistful look crossed her muzzle. "I'd never do what you resist, but I don't think I must insist. You need my comfort, I can see. So I will act, that it may be."

She leaned down toward me, and her lips met mine. I didn't resist one iota. I wanted this even more than I realized.

Zecora's kiss wasn't hard or pushy, but very soft. I moved my quivering lips back against it, gently, and then our mouths parted. Her tongue gently touched the edges of my lips, sliding left and right with a tight flicking motion of the tip. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I wasn't afraid. I gently touched my tongue to hers, and she slid it just a little ways into my mouth.

It was simple, yet incredible.

I was awestruck by how gentle she was. It wasn't forceful or anything, even though she undoubtedly had a vampony's tongue and drive. She was letting me enjoy myself, and it was working. I gently caressed her shoulders with my forelimbs, and she pulled back to break the kiss.

"W-wow," I gasped.

"Twilight would you like to see a wildmane: zebra vampony?" she asked.

I nodded. "I'm... curious," I said. What I meant was different, though. I meant that deep down I wanted her to turn me and end my suffering. Somehow I knew she wasn't going to, though. In a strange way, she had too much respect for me.

Zecora smiled and her eyes glowed and the change took her. Her ears were absolutely adorable all poofy like that (despite myself, I think I have a thing for batpony ears now), but aside from the fangs and eyes and ears, something strange was happening to her mane. The hair lengthened and twisted like it was alive, and part of her mane curled around and brushed aside my forelock. The black and white hairs were mixing in a way that should have been impossible, and as I stared at it I swear I could see tiny bits of color emerging from the black-and-white patterns. This was an effect I was familiar with, but until now I'd never believed it could occur naturally. I guess this wasn't natural, though.

"You're so pretty," I murmured, staring into the twisting abyss of her mane.

"Thank you for those kindest words. I fear I look a bit absurd, but I enjoy the beast within. Someday, you will become my kin," she said, with a voice as deep and rough as hoofblown, tinted glass.

I panted softly, squirming a little beneath her. "I, I need to go or I'll be here forever," I whispered, my voice rather horse.

Please don't let me go, I thought. I'm ready to give up. I want to be underneath you for all eternity. I was frightened by my feelings, but I couldn't control them. Zecora was the wisest pony I'd ever met (even though she's not a pony), with the possible exception of Princess Celestia, although I'm starting to doubt some of that. If Zecora supported the vamponies, this was a strong indication that they weren't as evil as they seemed to be.

She kissed my nose again. "Twilight, you must rest for now. When the night comes, I'll keep my vow."

Her mane retreated to normal as she shifted back, then she held me close and lay with me. I cried a little, and she kissed my tears away. Then I dozed off briefly.

I woke up alone, in bed, at night. I didn't see Spike or Zecora, and I didn't want to go into the basement to confront her.

As I stood up, something fell off of my barrel. I picked it up: a tiny, fragrant pouch. I still couldn't believe she would leave me the antidote, because the poison joke was, at least for Twilight Sparkle, a perfect suppression of my magery. It wouldn't be long before the rest of the vamponies realized it could be used on me for that purpose.

I drew a hot bath and emptied the pouch. My horn felt floppy and strange to the touch, though it was almost erotic in a bizarre way. I guess it was just so otherworldly, and such a personal violation, an impotence that rivaled unfortunate stallions—I don't really know, though.

After my soak, I toweled off, then looked around and found the burlap sack. I took a quill, a small quantity of magic ink, this journal, and the emergency scroll I'd prepared, and stuffed them into the sack, then flew out here.

Tomorrow I head to Canterlot to find my BBBFF and gather supplies for communicating with Celestia. Stars above help me, I am at my wits' end.

YOU ARE BEING TRACED VIA THIS BOOK

Day 54 (The Clubhouse)

I no longer have the ability to describe in advance how horrible some of these entries are going to be. This one is clearly the worst yet, even though for some reason I'm not as emotionally scarred by it as I probably should be. I think I'm getting used to this on some level, and that worries me, but what can I do?

As I tried to fall asleep, I remembered Spike. I had warned him that he might be a target, but it wasn't until then that I realized I never had the chance to tell him Zecora had been compromised! At least, if there were any vampony who would leave Spike alone, it would probably be her. But I'd need to tell the Crusaders to contact him with that information.

I passed out more quickly than I thought I would. I woke with a sore back and neck as somepony gently poked at me.

I opened my eyes. It was still night, and Apple Bloom was standing over me. I could see Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo behind her. I should have been concerned about why all three of them were awake in the middle of the night on a weekday, but my mind was foggy.

"Twilight? You okay there?" said Apple Bloom.

"Hm, wha?" I said, blinking. "Oh, girls. I was hoping I'd, um... bump into you." I shook my head to clear out the cobwebs, and the other two Crusaders approached.

"Well, you certainly did that," said Scootaloo. "Is there something going on?"

I nodded and pushed myself up into a sitting position against the wall of the treehouse. "Yes, there is," I said. "Everypony in Equestria is in grave danger. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, you two are especially endangered, because members of your families have been compromised."

"Wait, what?" said Sweetie Belle. "Did somepony do something bad to Rarity? Is she okay?" Sweetie seemed unnervingly calm as she asked questions, but this wasn't too surprising. The Crusaders have seen their share of apocalypses before (Tartarus, they've even caused some of them).

"Rarity isn't... herself anymore. She's been sucked into a strange kind of cult that messes with your mind, and they're trying to take over Equestria," I explained. For a moment, I froze up, mentally—I hadn't considered how I would talk to the CMC about the sexual elements of the vampony menace. What could I safely tell them without snapping their little minds? Internally I cursed myself for not thinking this through more in advance.

"Well, we're here for ya now," said Apple Bloom, as she sat next to me and hugged me from the side. "If anypony can save our families, it's Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I said. "But this isn't a force to be underestimated. Several of our friends have turned into monsters already. They seem normal on the surface, but there's some kind of dark magic that transforms them when they let it out. They're called vamponies."

"That sounds kinda far-fetched," said Sweetie Belle. "Rarity was saying that you went, well... a little nuts after your trip."

"She doesn't look nuts to me," said Scootaloo.

"I'm sure," I said. "Rarity is one of them already, as are Big Macintosh and Cheerilee. I think Granny Smith and Thunderlane now too. Pinkie Pie's been turned but she's been helping me anyway, though I don't think that's going to continue much longer. Also my brother, Princess Cadance, Fluttershy, and probably Princess Luna."

"What about Applejack?" asked Apple Bloom. "I know she's supposed to be in Canterlot on business but Big Mac hasn't given us any details."

"She's been kidnapped by them and she's probably one of them by now," I said, frowning. "I hate letting you in on all of this but you need to do everything in your power to stay safe. For Apple Bloom that might even mean running away from home for a while."

"What about Rainbow Dash?" asked Scootaloo.

"She's in Canterlot, hiding from the vamponies. Hopefully she'll be able to find somepony who will believe her, but the Royal Guard is compromised, as are many of the nobles," I said. "Oh gosh—it sounds so depressing when I say it out loud. We're really in dire straits. Even Zecora's one of them, although she allowed me to escape. After warning the three of you I'm headed back to Canterlot."

"Zecora?" said Apple Bloom. "That's weird. Mac never mentioned..." she said, then froze in place.

Something was very wrong. I should have teleported out of the treehouse at that instant, but I was too shocked and I didn't want to believe it. Instead, I took a quick glance around the room. One of the blankets I'd been using had been tossed in the corner, and there were lumps underneath. Apparently, the girls had dropped some objects on the floor and covered it up before waking me.

I could see something peeking out from the corner of the blanket, but it took me a moment to disambiguate what it was.

It was a wooden shoe. Not the rubber sort that Rarity had prototyped earlier, but a shoe carved out of actual wood. It was foal-sized.

"No!" I yelped, and I tried to stand. Apple Bloom latched onto my back with her hind legs which sent me reeling back to the floor, given that she's substantially heavier than I am. One of her forehooves grasped my horn firmly, almost painfully.

"We're really sorry about this, Twilight," said Sweetie Belle, visibly wincing as she straightened my hind legs against the floor and pulled my tail down between them. This gave Apple Bloom a less awkward hold on my body. She was pinned between the wall and my back, but that didn't help me. I lacked the strength and leverage to do any damage at all to an earth pony grappling me from behind, even a foal Apple Bloom's size. I considered kicking at Sweetie and Scootaloo, but I couldn't see what good hurting them would do me.

So I teleported across the room... or at least, I tried. Nothing happened. Apple Bloom's hold on my horn felt very strange. It was like when Big Macintosh had held me. My horn felt empty, like there was a constant suppression of mana flow. I tried to access dark magic, which the ounckses don't block, but that didn't work either. I was helpless, and I started hyperventilating.

"Just relax Twilight, you're gonna be okay," Apple Bloom whispered sweetly into my ear. "This is for your own good, y'hear?"

"This, this can't be happening," I said, gasping for air. "Please let me go! You don't know what you're doing," I pleaded.

"Oh, we know," said Scootaloo with a grin, as she and Sweetie Belle tugged my body toward the center of the wall. Sweetie Belle sat on my hind legs, while Apple Bloom's grip kept my forelegs behind my neck. Scootaloo stood by my side.

"I know this is real hard for you Twilight," said Sweetie Belle. "But we need you to be a brave pony, okay? We're not going to harm you."

"I can't believe it. I won't believe that Rarity and Big Macintosh would do this to you!" I whined. "Not even under the influence of the vampony curse would they be so depraved."

"It ain't a curse, and we ain't vamponies yet," Apple Bloom whispered softly into my ear, just barely loud enough that the others could hear her. "But we're with the Order, and we've been broken already."

"And lost our marbles," said Scootaloo, walking over to lift the blanket up. "Might as well put the collars back on, at least," she said, and hoofed them out. Scootaloo had a granite collar, while Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom had wood. Once again, the items looked solid, nothing like the rubber prototypes. Left lying on the floor were a couple of granite wing-clips, a small ounckse with a wooden torus caged inside it, and four small wooden shoes.

"Master was nice enough to give us the keys for them so we could hide the collars and stuff when we woke you up," said Sweetie Belle. "Oh—I mean Master Big Macintosh, of course."

I shut my eyes and held back tears. There was something bothering me even more than the state of being pinned down and helpless.

I liked this.

Look, Journal, I know it's wrong in every possible way. But I'm pretty sure it's partly why I paused rather than reacting immediately. Something about the idea of being held captive by these young foals was affecting me emotionally. It wasn't erotic (at least not initially), but it was personal and wonderful. These fillies looked up to me, and wanted to be close to me, to help me... It fulfilled a strange need in my belly. It was a lot like when I'd been held by my parents. Even if I was only 'wanted' because the vamponies needed to stop me from ruining their plans, I still felt wanted. The Crusaders cared enough about me to put themselves in danger, and on some level I didn't want to stop them from what they were going to do to me.

Plus, the temptation of ending the fight by finally giving up... it still constantly tugs at me, even now from the safety of this sanctuary I'm in.

So I struggled, but not very hard. I don't think I could have broken free even if I were trying my hardest, but I realize now that I wasn't trying my hardest. Feeling Apple Bloom's warm breath on the back of my neck, looking into Sweetie's smiling face as she held my hind legs in place... They wanted to help me. I wanted to give them what they wanted, even though I didn't understand why they wanted it.

"I'm so s-sorry," I said, sniffling. I realized it made no sense, but I felt guilty for opposing them.

"Aww," said Sweetie Belle, frowning. "It's okay, Twilight. We're going to make you all better, we promise!"

"Just try to relax, alright?" said Scootaloo. "The more you resist, the more it's gonna hurt, and we really don't want that."

"If you're not vamponies, why are you doing this? Can't you see that this is wrong?" I asked. My pleading was soft, because I could already tell it wasn't going to work.

Apple Bloom sighed. "You're too fixed-up for us to have a logical conversation, Twi. There ain't nothin' wrong with what the vamponies are doin'."

"They're raping—"

"No, they're not," Sweetie Belle interrupted, rolling her eyes. "They're making love to each other, and they're doing it so everypony can join and grow closer in friendship."

"Have... have they been... molesting you?" I asked gently, weakly searching for a logical out.

"You mean are we having sex with Cheerilee and Big Mac and Rarity and Granny Smith and Pinkie Pie and Caramel?" asked Scootaloo. "Of course we are, silly."

I had the presence of mind to make a mental note that Caramel was a vampony, but I should have seen that one coming. I presume Fluttershy is still using him to tend to her animals while she acts as regent in the Crystal Kingdom.

"Yep. And it's wonderful, and soon you'll be with us too, darlin'," Apple Bloom whispered in my ear, in a tone far too seductive for a foal her age. I felt my groin throb, and I shut my eyes tight in response.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, then can you at least explain why you're in the Order?"

"With the Order of Spring," Scootaloo corrected me. "It's not something you're in. And we're with it because it's right. I mean, how else can we explain it?"

"But what in unholy Tartarus could have convinced you to have sex with Apple Bloom's grandmother?" I asked, the distaste more than apparent in my voice. I was trying not to conjure up images in my mind, and currently winning the battle, if only because the thought was so ridiculous.

"Oh, you mean why aren't we afraid of sex no more," Apple Bloom rephrased. "It ain't complicated. They forced us into it one by one, I mean the sex part at least, but the mudblood helped make it happen."

"Also losing our marbles, but that came later," said Sweetie Belle.

"Mudblood?" I asked.

"It's this stuff that comes out of darkhooves. Er, that's what you call an earth pony vampony," said Apple Bloom. "Our hooves split open when the wolf comes out, and they dribble this sweet gooey blood-like stuff."

"There isn't an actual wolf," said Scootaloo. "That's, um..."

"Figurative?" said Sweetie Belle.

"Yeah, that," said Scootaloo. "Anyway, if you touch mudblood, it temporarily turns you into a vampony."

"Oh, the hoofgoo," I said. "So you're not vamponies, but..."

"...but we've been vamponies a few times, yep," finished Apple Bloom. "And now we're good cunts like we should be."

"It only took one transformation to, you know, make us not be all screwed up in the head like most adults are," said Sweetie Belle. "Um, no offense, Twilight."

"There's other stuff too, but that happens later," said Scootaloo. "It's kind of complicated. All that matters is that we're happy now, and you're gonna be happy too, if you'd just stop fighting so much!"

"Scoots, ponies fear what they don't understand," said Apple Bloom, "even our good friend Princess Twilight Sparkle. She'll come around soon enough, I know it."

"What do you want from me?" I asked, my voice soft and my spirit broken. "You're just holding me here until Mac arrives, I guess?"

"Pretty much, yeah. I guess Master thought the three of us could talk some sense into you? Obviously, that ain't happenin' yet," Apple Bloom continued. "So we'll hold you here to keep you from hurtin' yourself any more than you already done."

"It's not going to be easy," said Scootaloo. "Even if we brought the wolf out of you, you'd still probably be messed up inside. You're a real special case, so it's gonna take time and a lot of love and friendship to break you."

"I wish we could make things easy for you Twilight. We really are your friends," said Sweetie Belle, idly tugging on my tail with her hooves. "Why won't you give your friends and family a chance?"

"I'm sorry," I said flatly. "I... I shouldn't feel sorry because this isn't my fault, but I'm sorry. I believe you're trying to 'help' me, but you're the ones being hurt right now."

"How do you figure?" asked Apple Bloom. "You mean we're bein' hurt by you resistin' us? I was hopin' you'd figure that out and decide to finally play nice."

"No. You're being harmed by having sexual experiences with your family," I said. "I can't believe I have to explain this, even to a foal." I briefly flexed against Apple Bloom as an attempt to see if I could break free, and she only gripped me tighter.

"We're not hurt," said Scootaloo. "You're the one who's hurting. And I can't believe I have to explain that, especially to a princess."

"You're not emotionally mature enough to handle sex," I said. All three Crusaders groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Oh please! Look who's talkin'," said Apple Bloom. "You're hardly mature enough to masturbate, Twilight."

"Yeah," said Sweetie Belle. "We do fine with sex. You're the one with the problem."

Then Scootaloo added, "We know you still haven't been with a stallion—"

"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!" I shouted. Sweetie and Scootaloo each backed up a step.

"Oh, um, riiiiight," said Sweetie Belle, faking a smile.

"Don't remind her she's messed up, girls," said Apple Bloom. "She needs our love and support right now because she's hurtin' inside."

"Oh! I know," said Sweetie Belle, and she dove between my hind legs. She pulled my tail hard and reached down, kissing me right on the ponut.

"No, no please," I gasped, revulsed as much by the twinge of pleasure in my nethers as the idea that a foal could be screwed up enough to want to kiss me there. "Sweetie Belle, that's just, it's not r-right for you to do that..."

"It IS right," Apple Bloom whispered in my ear, this time too softly for anypony else to hear. "It's right as a mid-Summer's rain, sugarcube. Don't fight it."

"Here Sweetie, catch," said Scootaloo, tossing her a small box.

"I don't think I need any wet wipes," said Sweetie Belle, setting the box down. "Twilight's really clean down here. You probably have to do that when you're a princess."

"I, I just had a bath," I said, then wondered why I bothered saying it.

"Well, good. Anything to distract her while I handle the wing," said Scootaloo.

I didn't have a chance to ask what that meant. Scootaloo started using her mouth and tongue on the edge of my left wing, which promptly exploded open.

"You're really not preening right," she accused me. "You need somepony to help you learn."

I thought I'd been preening just fine, but I took her at her word. Why hadn't Dash ever told me, I wondered? Was it some kind of embarrassment?

Scootaloo only preened the edge of my wing before my wingboner (can't believe I'm writing that) took over. Then she stopped and held my wing firmly in her forehooves.

"Try to relax, Twilight," said Sweetie Belle. She tugged on my tail and planted her lips right on my ponut again, but this time she didn't withdraw. I could feel her tongue pushing against the sphincter, and my hind legs began to shake.

Then, the pain hit me like an anvil from the sky.

I yelped, and gasped. This was new pain, something I'd never felt before, because it was from a relatively new part of my body. My wing jerked in place as Scootaloo held it firm, and I saw her spit a primary feather out onto the floor.

"What are you doing?" I yelled, as tears rimmed my eyes.

"We gotta keep you from flyin' to Canterlot, Twi," said Apple Bloom. "Like we said, we're real sorry about all this. If you don't fight it, it ain't gonna hurt that much."

"That hurt like crazy!" I said, gasping for breath.

"I guess I'll go slower then," said Scootaloo, "but it's gonna sting, so try to keep your mind on Sweetie Belle's tongue."

I suddenly remembered I had a filly's tongue up my asshole. It wasn't a vampony tongue, so it wasn't up very far—but even the idea made me ill.

I sniffed, clenched my eyes tight, and started crying.

I felt Sweetie Belle disengage and I heard her smack her lips. "Oh Twilight, please don't cry," she said. I felt her wipe my eyes with tissues, and I opened them. She pouted sadly at me.

"I'll let you have a hoof free if you promise not to cause trouble," said Apple Bloom. Unable to speak a reply, I just nodded. She released my non-dextrous forehoof from her grasp and adjusted her hold on my horn. The grip sent a small pleasurable sensation through my skull, yet another unrequested benefit.

I took some tissues with my hoof and cried into them. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Aww, nuts. This is awful," moaned Scootaloo.

"Twilight, you don't think we like doing this, do you?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"No, but I'm, I'm..." I said, then choked up.

"I just realized something... I hope we don't get our cutie marks for this," said Scootaloo.

"Oh no. That would be terrible!" said a distraught Sweetie Belle. "Although... what would a rape cutie mark even look like?"

"Hay, at this point, I'd take it," said Apple Bloom.

"Twilight, you're being really mean to us. We don't want to rape you!" said Scootaloo.

"B-but, then why..." I stammered.

"We gotta do this for your own good. You're the only pony with any control here," said Apple Bloom.

"You need to..." said Scootaloo, before yanking a second primary feather.

I don't remember the rest of that sentence. I actually saw stars that time. Rainbow Dash had mentioned that it hurts to have a primary yanked out, but this was beyond anything I could have imagined.

"Please stop," I whispered.

"Then consent," said Sweetie Belle. "Stop raping us."

"Yeah," said Apple Bloom. "I can't believe Twilight Sparkle would rape the Cutie Mark Crusaders, no matter how fixed-up in the head she is. It just ain't right. It's not who you are, Twilight."

I blinked a few times in a row, and then began to laugh. It was a nervous, crazy laugh, but I couldn't stop it from coming out.

"Uh-oh," said Scootaloo, grimacing.

"Me? You actually think that I'm raping you?" I said, giggling madly all the while. "Of course! That, that, why, that makes p-perfect sense!" My body shook partly from the laughter, and partly from something else that was causing convulsions in my belly.

"I think we might of broke her brain a little. Not in the good way, though," said Apple Bloom. "Relax, Twi. Please, just calm down for a bit."

"Well, but it is rape," said Sweetie Belle with a frown, as she started to gently massage my vulva with a hoof. Apple Bloom held my other hoof back again, so I couldn't stop the little unicorn from molesting my pussy. "And you're the only pony who can stop it. If you love us, you'll stop the rape."

"I know you care about us Twilight. Please don't fight anymore. Consent," begged Scootaloo. "We know this is hard for you, but we don't deserve to be raped."

My muscles went slack. "I don't understand, I, I can't even..." I whispered. "Please, I just want things to go back the way they were."

"Things can't all go back, but your friendships will return the moment you give in," said Apple Bloom. "Now, I have a trick to teach you that I learned from Zecora—before she was a vampony, I mean. I didn't know about that yet."

"Oh! What's a zebra vampony look like? Do you know?" asked Sweetie Belle, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Ask her later, Sweetie," admonished Scootaloo. "Although, do you know anything about Rainbow Dash?"

"She already told us all she knew," said Sweetie Belle. "Although Rarity was telling me Rainbow Dash might end up being a Mistress."

"You mean a Lady?" said Apple Bloom. "I mean, obviously she'll be emancipated, even if she's a normal cunt, because of her powers and all."

"No, I mean a full Mistress! Rarity's guessing that she's the right type," said Scootaloo.

"Does that mean she'll have a cock?" asked Sweetie Belle. "That's weird."

"No, it don't mean that," said Apple Bloom. "I don't think so, anyway."

"Well, it doesn't matter. As long as we're yoked I don't care what Rainbow Dash is. I'd be a sister cunt by her side in a heartbeat." Scootaloo was stroking a feather with a hoof, and I knew it was going to yank it at any moment. The suspense was almost worse than having it yanked. Actually, given that the suspense was constant, it was worse.

"Anyway, as I was sayin', Zecora taught me a trick to overcome pain. You don't want this to hurt no more, do you?" she asked me.

"N-no more hurt," I gasped. My clit throbbed when Sweetie Bumped it, and she grinned up at me with a naughty expression. I felt guilty for enjoying it, but the pleasure was almost robbing my senses.

"Here's the trick. All you gotta do to deal with acute pain is this: don't fight it. Let the pain inside you, accept that it's there, and it won't hurt half as bad," said Apple Bloom. "It's a lot like the Order. Once you say, 'okay pain, I'm gonna let you be there, and when it happens I'll have won', if you mean it, it'll work."

"Okay," I whispered, no longer able to resist regardless.

"On three," said Scootaloo. "One, two... three." She yanked out another primary, but somehow I avoided tensing my muscles.

I barely felt it. It worked! It still hurt a lot, but the pain wasn't a part of me, in a manner of speaking.

"That's... that's so much better," I said, relaxing more into Apple Bloom. Scootaloo let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I'll try to distract you down here," said Sweetie Belle, and she began to suck on one of my teats. Distracting doesn't begin to describe the sensations I was having. I felt it was wrong to enjoy it, but I needed the distraction, so I let the feelings in. I let myself feel things nopony should ever feel toward a filly.

"Think of Sweetie lovin' you down there as a reward for bein' a good cunt," said Apple Bloom.

"A g-good cunt," I repeated, almost mindlessly. My pussy was dripping wet, and Sweetie Belle's hoof was making gross sounds against it.

"Is this all my fault?" I whispered, asking nopony in particular. It was just how I felt, and the words came out of my muzzle without me thinking them first.

"Nope," said Scootaloo. "If you stop fighting, it isn't your fault. You don't mean to be fixed-up in the head. Nopony does." She yanked another feather. I winced, but it still wasn't that bad.

"Okay," I croaked deep in my throat, and Scootaloo began pulling feather after feather. It was painful, but she was making progress quickly now that I'd given in.

"We're real sorry, Twilight. But you'll be broken soon, and you're gonna be so happy once you are," said Apple Bloom. "One day you'll look back on this and laugh, and you'll remember how silly you were."

"I don't deserve to live after b-being touched like this," I murmured.

Sweetie Belle released my teat and looked up. "Twilight, don't say that!" she said, then licked the glistening wetness from her hoof.

"She don't know no better, Sweetie," said Apple Bloom. "I knew this was gonna be hard on all of us, but I had no idea it'd be this hard. You know we really do love you, Twilight."

Sweetie Belle spread my pussy open and lowered her head. "Wow, girls. She really is a virgin."

Despite all the horror, pain, and open embarrassment, I blushed at that. I could feel the fire in my cheeks.

"We're not supposed to pop her," said Scootaloo.

"I know that," said Sweetie Belle. "My hoof's probably small enough to full-hoof her without popping it, though."

"Cherries ain't that important, but it's somethin' you should have a say in," Apple Bloom whispered in my ear. "Feathers grow back, though."

The last primary feather came out, sending a shock of pain into my back. Scootaloo let go of my wing. "All done," she said.

"Thank goodness," sighed Apple Bloom.

"I'm not doing the other wing, though," she added. "One should be enough since she's not an expert flyer."

Sweetie Belle began sucking and licking my vulva, and I whined with pleasure. The sounds from her muzzle indicated she enjoyed it too, even though that was clearly impossible.

"Twilight, you can be one of Master's bitches until we get things settled in Canterlot. Your brother's worried sick about you," she said. "No cunt like you should have a pussy this neglected. I hear there's a few stallions you know already lined up and waitin' to teach you all about cock."

My mind whirled. It still made no sense that Apple Bloom could change this rapidly. Does sex do this to ponies? How could anything do this?

"I, I still don't understand how they changed you like this! Foals shouldn't act like this—none of this makes any bucking sense," I said.

Just then, all three Crusaders gasped.

"W-what is it?" I said, suddenly more alert, but frightened that I'd done something wrong. As unlikely as it sounds, I still felt terribly guilty inside. At some level, I think I was worried I might not be acting like a good cunt.

"Ohhhh, you said a bad word," said Sweetie Belle.

"Wh-what?" I gasped, stunned.

"The b-word," said Scootaloo. "I guess it's not a bad word if you use it right, but you used it as a bad word!"

"Master'll have to wash your mouth out with soap," admonished Apple Bloom.

"Or else something that tastes a little like soap," giggled Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo's muzzle scrunched up in thought. "I don't think it tastes like soap."

"Eh, just a little bit," said Apple Bloom. "It's an acquired taste, Twilight, but don't worry: it don't take long to acquire it."

I started laughing again. "You, you can't be serious," I said, my body shaking. "You're talking about cunts and cocks and pussies, and all I say is 'bucking'—"

Sweetie Belle gasped, and Scootaloo rolled her eyes.

"Oh, it ain't that big of a deal, she's a big pony," said Apple Bloom. "But yeah, you're a cunt too so you'll probably get punished."

"Sexy punishment?" asked Sweetie Belle, clopping her forehooves together.

"Well, duh," said Scootaloo.

"Ow, kinda cramped here," said Apple Bloom, and then she shifted holding my horn from one hoof to another. Except she missed with the second hoof, and I knew I had a chance.

If it were up to my conscious mind, I'm not sure what would have happened then. I might have given in and fucked all three of those little girls like the montstrous pedofoal I've become, then waited for Big Macintosh with a silly grin on my face. I didn't know I had any fight left in me, but it came out practically autonomically.

I teleported across the room and jumped out the window.

The fact that I hadn't put any thought into this became apparent as I opened my wings and began spiralling toward the earth like a whirligig seed made out of lead.

"Shit shit shit!" I shouted as I slammed into the ground, almost winding me.

"Run, girls!" shouted Apple Bloom, and all three Crusaders bounded out of the treehouse to face me.

"You got a potty mouth," accused Sweetie Belle. I backed away toward the bush that contained my pack, and I saw a streak of red in the distance. Big Macintosh was at full gallop, and I had at most a few seconds of freedom remaining.

Fortunately, I'd rehearsed this.

I swiftly removed the prepared scroll from the sack, wrapped it around the sack, and cast two spells.

The first spell caused a small descending helix of dragonfire to fall toward my head.

The second spell turned me into a breezie.

"Not today, assholes," I said in a silly high-pitched breezie voice as I hugged the pack tight and wore the scroll like a cloak. The dragonfire hit, and after a painful, burning lurch sensation, I was gone.

The last thing I remember seeing was Sweetie Belle starting to cry. I still feel bad about that final dig. It was uncalled for. I've just been through a lot of shit nopony should ever, ever have to endure.

Now I'm finally safe, thanks to a few tricks I still have up my sleeve. The scroll I had teleported through only had four words written on it, right at the very top:

Dear Princess Celestia (Private),

Nopony has been in Princess Celestia's bedchamber, and nopony knows I'm here right now. It's time to hatch my plan to turn this nightmare around.

I wish I knew what that plan was. Coltnapping my brother is the only idea I have right now, and I don't know how many lectures it will take to get him to realize he's insane.

I need to sleep. I don't think Celestia will mind if I use her bed, considering the circumstances, but I hope I can wash the sheets before she returns. Dear Stars above, I hate myself right now.

I'm not leaving any extra space after this entry. Nothing more should ever be said about what just happened.

Day 55 (Dream Visitors)

I had some very disturbing dreams. This will be a short entry.

At some point during my slumber, I awoke in a strange place. The lighting was very dim, and everything around me seemed to be made of colored smoke, even the ground I lay upon.

I heard a friendly, "Hi, Twilight!" that immediately struck fear into my heart. It was Sweetie Belle's voice.

I turned around and fell backwards. The ground was uneven because it was made of shifting smoke with little hills and ridges. I lay back against what felt much like a cloud, except it was moving ever-so-slightly, massaging my shoulders and withers.

Approaching me were all three Crusaders. They seemed happy to see me. That emotion was not reciprocated.

"Girls, is... that really you?" I asked, shoving myself backwards against the soft material behind me. There was a thundercrack and a flash, and suddenly Princess Luna was standing there, just behind them. She wore an ounckse, plus her usual greaves and regalia.

"Not all encounters in a dream are literally real," said Luna. "However, they always come from your subconscious mind, and thus serve as an important allegory to reality."

"You're saying this isn't real," I said. "Are you doing this to torment me?"

Luna's face softened. "You think it is I, and not you, who are doing this to yourself?" she asked. "I am here as an observer, and a guide; nothing more."

I tried to cast a spell to wake myself, but my horn was no longer present on my forehead—of course. I felt naked and vulnerable, and I closed my eyes.

"Fine. I'll just be quiet and wait for this to go away," I said.

"Ah, the 'head in the sand' approach. Has that strategy been paying off so far with your current struggle?" asked Luna.

I said nothing, and felt kisses against my pelt: my thighs, my belly. Three fillies were licking and sucking at my flesh.

"Please, no," I whispered, keeping my eyes closed.

"Don't you like this?" Scootaloo whispered in my ear, then she kissed at my jawline.

"Of course, but I don't want to enjoy it," I said with my eyes still shut tight. "I don't want to be attracted to you. I don't want to be a pedofoal!"

"Why not?" asked Apple Bloom, as she and Sweetie Belle latched onto my teats and began gently suckling.

I took a deep breath. "Ultimately... I don't care what happens to me. I don't want you to be hurt," I said, then I opened my eyes. Scootaloo was staring me right in the face and smiling, as she rested on my chest.

"We're fine, Twilight," said Sweetie Belle, removing her mouth from my teat only long enough to make the assertion.

"Luna, what are you trying to prove by this?" I asked, but Scootaloo's face blocked my view of the alicorn. I could feel my vagina drooling, and little electric shocks of pleasure tickling my teats and nethers. Then Scootaloo kissed me on the lips, and pressed her tiny tongue into my mouth.

I relaxed into it, wrong though it was. I made muffled sounds like I was trying to stop her, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't. After all, it wasn't really Scootaloo, and if Luna controlled my dreams, I had no choice in the matter.

Actually, something about not having any choice in the matter made it significantly more erotic. I think it's because I didn't have to blame myself for what was happening anymore. It almost felt like a gift, not being able to resist.

"I am trying to prepare you, Princess Twilight Sparkle, much in the same way as a back-rider grooms a mount. You must become comfortable with your feelings, if you are to face them," she said. "And soon, face them you shall."

I shivered where I lay, and gave in to the moment, gently putting my arms around Scootaloo as she French kissed me. I'd never felt this degree of pleasure in my life, not even with Applejack. I didn't deserve to feel this, and I suspect nopony does. (I might not even deserve to exist anymore.) But for the moment, I didn't care. I hugged her tightly, stroked her back with my hooves, and let her have her way with my mouth.

My legs spasmed in tiny jerks. Both girls switched from my teats to my vulva, gently tugging and rubbing and kissing and licking. It was too much sensation all at once. I pushed hard, disengaging from the kiss.

"I can't do this, I c-can't," I gasped, and whined out loud as a powerful orgasm hit me. Something sprayed out of my urethra. It felt like urine, but it wasn't like peeing—it was far too forceful and wild. I craned my neck around Scootaloo to see the other two Crusaders giggling with wet faces.

I felt physically ill, but I took some comfort: at least this was only a dream.

"It's okay, Twi. You don't need to feel guilty," said Apple Bloom, licking the moisture off of Sweetie Belle's muzzle.

"Yeah," said Scootaloo. "Just pretend it isn't real."

Sweetie Belle almost smacked Apple Bloom in the face as she facehooved. "Scootaloo! You're not supposed to tell her we're real!" she moaned.

"Oh, right. Whoops," said Scootaloo, wearing a sheepish grin.

"You said this wasn't happening!" I shouted at Luna, kicking and shoving the foals away from me.

"I said no such thing. Besides, reality contains a great deal of subjectivity, Twilight," said Luna.

The Crusaders backed off to a safe distance. I held my hooves over my groin, wishing with all my heart that I hadn't felt the things I did... that I didn't feel what I was still feeling.

"We just want you to be happy, Twilight," said Apple Bloom. "You gotta be able to see that by now."

"Do I look happy to you?" I said. "I don't want to feel this way!"

Luna approached me and sat by my side. I felt like hitting her, but I held back my anger. I couldn't look her in the eyes. There was too much shame in my breast.

"Twilight, you cannot control how you feel. Nopony can," she said, gently placing a hoof on my chin. "What you feel within is not your fault, but neither shall it disappear. You must learn to accept your feelings for what they are."

I started crying a little, but I still refused to look at Luna. "What... what do you want from me," I whispered. "Whatever it is, just take it and get it over with. Stop this torture."

"I need you to accept that your desires are not within your control, and thus are not your responsibility. You have so little experience with sex that minor incidents such as these can greatly shape your future erotic preferences," she said. "The longer you remain in opposition to the Order, the more deviant your needs shall grow. And the word needs is not an exaggeration."

"I don't understand," I said, finally turning to look at her. Her face was a mask of sadness and compassion. "Are you saying I won't be a pedofoal if I join the Order?"

"Follow, not join. And no, I am not saying that, although I suspect you already realize if you follow the Order you will become a little bit of everything. I am telling you that you are on a path to ruin, and you have recently passed the point of no return," she said. "There is no magical or scientific treatment that can return you to the pony you once were. This is how one's sexual awakening works, but usually it happens... not so late in life."

"This isn't helping," I said, angrily. "You're just telling me I'm doomed and trying to corrupt me further. Well, fine. You know what? I already believe I'm beyond redemption—I'm not in this for myself anymore. I'm fighting for Equestria, and for the safety of confused foals like these. It's all I have left."

"You are lying. You are fighting for Celestia by proxy, and more so, you are fighting against yourself," said Luna.

"You must enjoy seeing me suffer," I said softly.

The Crusaders shook their heads, and a chorus of "no's" echoed. Luna sighed.

I took a deep breath. "Nopony yet has given me any logical reason why this nightmare of deviance should be permitted, much less forced on everypony in the way I've witnessed with my own eyes."

"Ah. Well, then I shall give you something concrete, if small. When next you meet with your brother, I believe he will be wise enough to share with you the secret that my sister has hidden from unicornkind," said Luna. "His decisions up until this point have been poor, in part because the power of the Order is so overwhelming to the senses."

"Wait, there's something about unicorns? Why can't you tell me?" I asked.

"It is not mine to reveal. It is a secret that, until recently, had been hidden from me as well. It has nothing to do with sex," she said. "It is one of several reasons why it is time for our society to change."

"If Shining Armor has factual data to share with me, I will listen," I said. "But I cannot imagine anything that would make me change my mind about how wrong all of this is."

"Then you must endeavor to clear your mind of preconceptions as best you can, Twilight Sparkle. The story you have yet to weave remains tragic, but it need not involve the level of suffering you continue to inflict upon yourself," said Luna.

"Are you going to trap me here again and try to locate me in the waking world?" I asked. Secretly, I hoped the answer was yes. I was so weary of fighting, and my self-loathing was growing exponentially.

Luna shook her head. "I shall not. My intervention is only for mercy, now, because your future has already been preordained by events. A very powerful friend of mine is seeing to that."

"My future is predestined, you mean?" I asked.

Luna stood up and said nothing, then walked over to the Crusaders. "Come with me, little ones. We must leave our dear friend alone for now."

"Aww!" said Sweetie Belle.

"Can the three of us at least stay in the same dream?" asked Apple Bloom. "I think I'm kinda, let's see how'd Master put it... 'pent up' after all that."

"Good luck, Twilight," said Scootaloo, looking over her shoulder and waving at me, a forlorn expression on her face. All four of them disappeared into the mist, and then everything went dark.

I'm not leaving any space after this entry, because I'm eager to write the next one.

It's time for some real answers, and I know which pony to ask.

Day 55 (Letters)

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle (Personal) and Spike the Dragon,

Spike, it's me. I can't tell you where I am, but I'm safe. I didn't have a chance to warn you, but Zecora is a vampony. She spoke with me about it and trapped me, then inexplicably let me go.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have also been compromised. The depravity of this Order knows no bounds.

I don't think you'll be safe anywhere in Ponyville, and I'm not sure what advice to give you. Just take care of yourself, please. Try to find somepony who will believe you and help you to hide. I'll get us out of this jam soon.

I have plenty of scrolls here, so I'll contact you later. I'm concerned anything I send you will be intercepted, however, so I can't send sensitive material through this channel at the moment. I have a means for you to contact me in return, but I'm not certain whether it's worth the risk at present because there isn't anything more I need to know about what's happening in Ponyville.

I'll contact you again later. Please be careful, Spike. And forgive me, if you can.

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Celestia (Roaming),

I used an enchantment and a little water to turn this document into a two-way device: if you burn it with dragonfire, it will return to me. It's safer if we communicate this way just in case this gets intercepted, so they won't know where I am. (I'm sure you could figure it out, but it won't be easy for anypony else.) Just write on the reverse side of the scroll to send it back.

I'm not sure where to begin so I'll try to be terse. The vamponies are out of control. Zecora is one of them now, as is Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Big Macintosh, Caramel, Rarity, Fluttershy, Smith Apple, Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, some of Luna's Night Guard, almost certainly Princess Luna herself, and (by now) probably Applejack and Thunderlane, as well as several of the guards and nobles in Canterlot and some of the guards in the Crystal Kingdom. At least one has been sighted in Appleloosa, and the Sheriff there may be compromised. Rainbow Dash remains in hiding in Canterlot (last I heard).

Zecora allowed me to escape Ponyville for some reason I can't guess at. Foals have been targeted by the Order, including sexually. The Crusaders have been compromised, and Spike is currently in grave danger.

Your sister appears to follow the Order now, though her motivations continue to mystify me. She claims prescient access to knowledge that I will fail in my task. She wants me to submit to the Order. She says I'm becoming increasingly perverse because I'm not with the Order, which makes no sense—but doublespeak seems par for the course with our enemy. She also wants me to have sexual experiences because she says I'll need to face up to my sexuality soon, but again, this is undoubtedly just more Order-speak.

To be honest? Psychologically speaking, I'm in a dangerous place. I've been made to do things nopony should ever do. I blame myself for not being stronger. Luna seems to think I'm beyond repair at this point, and I fear I agree. I've been raped by my parents, by foals, and by vamponies. Not traumatically forced or harmed, but still rape by definition. I don't want this to feel the way it does, but I think I'm growing depraved, and I'm not sure what to do. I hope you can help me after this ends, but if not, I'll accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate. I'm worried I may already be a monster with desires unacceptable to society.

I need to ask you about the information that has been censored from Ponyville's libraries. I've been told certain books on biology have omitted endocrinological truths, among other things. Also, Luna says there is a secret that pertains to unicorns specifically. She says it has nothing to do with sex, but it's one of the reasons the Order is needed. She implies you specifically know what she's referring to.

Please advise. I hope you are well.

I am sorry for being a horrible disappointment.

Princess Twilight Sparkle

P.S. sorry about the tears mottling the page

(Header omitted to avoid compromising return spell),

Twilight, what I have to say next is very, very important. Commit these words to memory.

You are not at fault. I forgive you for any and all transgressions of the past. You must learn to forgive yourself, as well.

You are going through a very difficult and confusing time. I don't blame you for anything you've endured, and you must not blame yourself. All will be pardoned once this is over, even though that may seem impossible right now. I am certain that each step of the way you have done what you felt was right. It isn't ponies we're fighting, it's the force that controls them. I don't believe that your friends and family are truly monsters.

In the meantime, don't give out hope in yourself. Neither should you give out hope that your friends can yet be saved. Although I doubt I need to say it, resort to violence only when absolutely necessary, and try not to let your emotions get the better of you in this trying time.

Any information you can provide me on who the Order of Spring is, specifically on what dark force they answer to, would be extremely helpful. It's clear to me that this isn't the Nightmare or Sombra or Discord or Tirek or any other enemy that you or I have faced before. There is an invisible hoof at work here, and ponies are simply not themselves.

I have been detained in the Crystal Kingdom (or perhaps 'Crystal Empire' is more appropriate once again). The situation here is delicate. Perpetual snows are preventing train transport, but the snows are only on the Southern front, which suggests they are an intentional obstacle designed to keep me here. The crystal ponies don't manage weather as well as we do in Equestria, but I have seen non-crystal pegasi here among the ranks of the guard, and I am certain they are controlling the foul weather.

Fluttershy is acting regent here, which makes no horse sense. I have confronted her in private about my false imprisonment, and she no longer directly denies that I am being kept here against my will. I am tempted to try to escape despite the weather, but the entire guard is keeping a watchful eye on me and I suspect the pleasantries would disappear and I would be in a jail cell. If the situation is dire, tell me and I may make an attempt anyway.

Unfortunately, unlike our good friend Spike, I don't have enough goodwill or authority built up in this city with which to foment a revolt. So for now I sit and wait, and I plan.

The guards who stand by the door of my guest room are not normal crystal ponies. The manner in which they refract light is subtly different, but my eye can detect it. They are not changelings, either. They appear to be crystal ponies with some sort of deep enchantment or curse upon them. Feel free to speculate.

I haven't the room left on this page to go into detail about the forbidden knowledge, but I do know what Luna is talking about. There is a secret I have carefully kept from our society, and it has not been easy to keep. I hope this does not come as a tremendous shock to you. Hopefully, you know me well enough by now to realize that any secret which would lead me to suppress information must be very dangerous indeed. If the vamponies already know of this secret, the only positive resolution will involve erasing most of the memories of those afflicted.

I don't see how the secret pertains in any way to the goals of the vamponies. I think it's a red herring.

Write back at will. I am rather bored (smile).

Princess Celestia

Dear Princess Celestia (Roaming),

I'm transcribing a spell below that will reverse the vampony infection in the caster, but it will only revert the previous 36–48 hours of infection. I've been able to modify the spell to completely cure the infection, but I don't have the modified spell with me and the changes were complex (and either way, I don't know if the modified spell works in the case where the infection has completely run its course). Let me know if you can improve upon it, seeing as you probably have nothing better to do.

What is the unicorn secret? If anypony can keep the secret, it's I: I'm an alicorn too, you know. Er, unless the vamponies are right about something else. They've told me I'm a pegacorn, not a 'full' alicorn, whatever that means.

Can you please explain about the other censorship?

Also, the Order of Spring is something you can "follow" or "be with" but not "be in". I think it's a philosophy rather than a group, perhaps? I'm still not entirely certain. I suppose it could be a dark force like Nightmare, or even a person of some species.

(Spell is not copied into Journal, for security purposes.)

Princess Twilight Sparkle

(Header omitted to avoid compromising return spell),

Twilight, I can promise you that the unicorn secret is not relevant to the vamponies. It is a simple fact that could endanger unicorns were it to become public knowledge, and it is nothing more than this. I eradicated the knowledge from all other ponies, including my sister, long ago in the days when we still ruled together. To ensure the knowledge did not reappear, I made a few laws which over time became taboos. Not surprisingly, Princess Luna resented my actions, and I believe this is one of the events that led to Nightmare Moon.

As for the other censorship, that is probably relevant. I began to suppress a few specific details related to pony sexuality sometime in the mid-fourth-century. The amount of information is very little. The purpose of the suppression was to deal with a growing problem in our society at the time. I was convinced that the Nightmare's influence had returned to Equestria, even with Nightmare Moon safely sealed away. At the time, I believed that Nightmare's influence was sexual in nature (for reasons I'd rather not go into). This hypothesis was disproven later, but the changes made to society persisted and brought more weal than woe, so I kept them. The only active suppression today has been a directed moratorium on certain kinds of medical and psychology studies.

This is truly ancient history, and I think it would be a waste of time to rehash everything that happened centuries ago. All you need to know is that any suppression of information has been limited to pony sexuality, and also some of the barbaric practices we used to engage in as a society (e.g. graphic details on implements of torture) have been redacted from the oldest Equestrian history books.

Although the suppression of information is tightly circumscribed, I can see that the Order is indeed reacting against it. I accept this as partially my fault, but I still think I made the correct decision to help keep our society civil. I'm willing to revisit the topic after this madness is over; perhaps Equestrian society is finally ready to handle a few uncomfortable truths. However, I find it difficult to believe that this Order would not exist if I hadn't censored a few facts over the years. You are the only pony who has confronted me about this topic in a generation. Why would Luna not approach me and discuss the issue, if that were the source of this upheaval?

The Equestria you knew two months ago wasn't a utopia, but it was as close as I've been able to guide it. Friendship has been an essential element to fill the gaps between primal desires that can't always be sated. The magic of friendship is stronger even than our most vile, basest needs.

Yes, Twilight Sparkle, you are indeed a "pegacorn" (as is Cadance). It is easier for our citizens not to make the distinction (there are likewise other ascended forms, but they are exceedingly rare). Besides, someday you shall earn your mantle and become a true alicorn—of this I have no doubt. I realize the timing may seem incriminating, but this isn't information I was trying to hide from you. When you're as old as I am, waiting a few years to start a conversation isn't a big thing, and I had planned to address details of your new form with you, slowly, over time.

I'm out of space and have no scrolls of my own, so I await your reply.

Princess Celestia

Dear Princess Celestia (Roaming),

(Information on badging mechanisms, losing marbles, breaking, etc. redacted because it's elsewhere in the Journal.)

That's about all I know. Obviously, the brain thing is my greatest concern. Does the purpose of that device make sense to you? It was implied to me that it predates Nightmare Moon.

Privately, it's a little frustrating that you are keeping these things to yourself with so much at stake. Please, don't hesitate to tell me anything that might clue me in, even if it doesn't seem to be important. I Pinkie Pie Promise to be a vault for any and all secrets between alicorns. Er, pegacorn and alicorn. (I guess it is easier not to make the distinction.)

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Dear (illegible runic symbols),

Twilight: again it is I, The Great and Powerful Trixie! Trixie believes she has come up with a routing method to ensure that this message arrives in your hooves if it is burned at a high enough temperature (Trixie is using magnesium). If this doesn't work, then Trixie just burned a letter you will never see... so Trixie hopes it works.

Braeburn and Trixie have fled Appleloosa. Sheriff Silverstar tried to put both of us in holding, and Braeburn managed to stun him long enough for us to make our escape. There are at least three ponies in Appleloosa who Braeburn does not recognize who we suspect have brought trouble to town. Nopony other than the Sheriff (and the mysterious strangers) have been acting strangely, but Braeburn believes that the Sheriff Silverstar would be able to convince his deputies to hold us captive long enough for bad things to happen.

Trixie believes she was bitten once in a manner that you described. She used the spell you graciously provided, and it appears to have worked. Trixie thanks you for your help, Twilight.

Trixie suspects we have been followed, but we are now in hiding in a very curious little village named "Our Town". The residents here are highly disturbing in personality, and they seem in great distress over Trixie's proclamations of greatness. Trixie relents that this might be a normal reaction for some ponies, as Trixie is perhaps a bit... enthusiastic, but Braeburn believes the ponies here are under some sort of control that prevents them from expressing themselves and Trixie's attitude is caustic to their sensibilities.

The village is run rather autocratically by a pony named Starlight Glimmer. She is clearly (to Trixie's trained eye) an experienced mage who is pretending to be LESS experienced and amazing than she is. This makes absolutely no sense to Trixie whatsoever, so Trixie is certain this Starlight mare is completely insane.

Braeburn and Trixie are in a small, uncomfortable guest house. We are not sure if we should flee Our Town or remain here longer. Trixie has noticed there is at least one pony watching us from above and outside the village, and Braeburn suspects that whoever followed us here is waiting for us to leave.

There is something wrong with the mana in this place. There is a directional filter that keeps information from flowing into the area, and Trixie suspects any attempt by somepony from outside Our Town to communicate with her will fail. This letter should, however, reach you (provided Trixie's theory is right and she isn't simply burning it to smoke).

Be careful, Princess Twilight Sparkle. We suspect something very bad is happening throughout Equestria.

In sincerest friendship,

The not-at-all-scared, but mildly-concerned-and-perhaps-just-a-tiny-bit-worried,

The Great and Powerful Trixie!

and

Braeburn (Apple)

(Header omitted to avoid compromising return spell),

Fluttershy mentioned to me that you are keeping a Journal of everything that has happened. I think this is a very good idea. If you could sketch the cover for me, I might be able to gain a synecdoche link to it and cast spells on it from a distance.

Twilight, it is imper—

WAIT look the stars, respond n

I EMBED THESE NOTES IN EVERY COPY, EVERY UNIVERSE

Day 55 (Secret Passage)

I found a pair of saddlebags in Celestia's bedroom that aren't oversized. I suspect they aren't hers, but they're empty and unmarked and I need some, so I've 'borrowed' them for now. This way I can keep the letters I've received on me, and tote the Journal and ink more easily.

I must assume that Celestia's last entry means she was interrupted and had to send the note back quickly to avoid detection, so she was probably telling me I should wait before sending her another note. I'm going to try to figure out what she meant about the stars... Wait, I have an idea.

Okay! So this is rather clever (and yes, I like to brag sometimes). Celestia has a large plaque on one wall engraved with the brightest stars in the evening sky. I spent a little time studying it and noticed that one of the stars is false: there's no bright star where the plaque indicates one. I doubt anypony who isn't an astronomer would be able to tell. I stood on a chair and tapped the star to feel it, and this opened a small doorway to a secret passage. I had to duck to enter so it looks like Celestia should just barely be able to fit, but perhaps she wasn't as large when the castle was constructed.

The secret passage opens and closes from the other side with a far more obvious flagstone trigger. I have to light my horn to see once the opening closes, because there aren't any lights in here. There are plenty of cobwebs. It's a narrow hallway that leads a long way into the castle interior. There are steps going down, and it bends and turns a few times.

I've discovered two uses of the passage so far. There's a small crack where you can peer into Luna's bedroom! I can't believe for a moment that Celestia would spy on her sister, but the evidence is rather incriminating. The other use is transport between three places. The other end of the hallway opens up in the castle's reading room (like a private library just for the Sisters), and there's also a separate covered trap-door near the library exit which leads into the Crystal Caverns under the foundation, via a narrow set of stairways. The cavern exit isn't explicitly hidden, but it's hard enough to notice it from within the reflective caverns that I never would have found it from the other side without a very thorough search.

Oh, there are also cracks which peek into Princess Celestia's room and the reading room at each entrance. I decided against opening the library passage because it's too likely I would be heard and/or discovered (even though there's nopony currently inside). There doesn't appear to be an entrance into Princess Luna's bedroom, which suggests this is Celestia's passage and Luna doesn't know about it. However, I find this unlikely for two reasons. Firstly, I can't imagine Princess Celestia would ever willingly violate her sister's privacy like this. Secondly, the secret to opening the doorway is one Princess Luna would immediately know! If she were trying to keep it a secret from Luna, that would be the worst choice for a hidden key. Perhaps Luna never goes in Celestia's room, but that makes little sense.

My suspicion is Luna knows about the secret passage and trusts her sister, but there's a wrinkle in that theory as well. Princess Luna would certainly insist on adding a secret door from her room, and as far as I can tell, it's just a peephole. Between the two Sisters, I would imagine Luna would be the one with more of an interest in secret doors and passageways—it maps perfectly to her personality.

Now, I'm loathe to admit this, but these are desperate times, so here it is. I just spent about a half-hour spying on Princess Luna in her bedchambers. My observations follow.

As luck would have it, it was early evening and Princess Luna was waking up shortly after I started peeping. Something unusual was ahoof already. Instead of sleeping in her opulent bed, she lay nestled in a small, navy blue pet bed (like the kind Spike still sleeps in, but larger). Her greaves were off, and in their place were what looked like silver shoes—but my trained eye (thanks to Rarity) could tell it was actually a blend of white gold. She wore a white gold collar with a ring, exactly like mine except for the material. She had on white gold wing braces, but all of her primaries appeared to be present, so the cutting attachment must not have been on them. Her horn sported an ounckse with a white gold ring stuck in the toroidal space.

One of her nightwing guards was emerging from her bed. He walked slowly over to Luna as she raised her head, and then he grabbed her by her mantle (the magical mane of an alicorn). He pulled back, forcing her head to crane upwards, and kissed her deeply. It looked abusive, but she moaned with unmistakable pleasure.

I tried to think about multiplication tables so I wouldn't become aroused enough for their sensitive vampony noses to smell me, but it wasn't working so I surrounded myself with a bubble. This obscured my vision somewhat (everything looked rose-tinted) but I couldn't take the risk of being caught (even if subconsciously that's exactly what I wanted to happen).

After a long period, the kiss broke. Luna smiled demurely and even blushed somehow through those dark cheeks of hers; I was surprised I could see it with the tinting of the bubble, and perhaps I was imagining it? Either way, the nightwing spoke first.

"My lovely Lady, I heartily approve of the new accessories. Rarity has outdone herself again," he said.

She smiled and opened her mouth slightly.

"You may speak," he whispered to her, gently scruffing beneath her chin, and she cooed like a dove.

"Thank you, Master," she said. "Please don't forget that a Lady—even an emancipated Lady—is still a cunt."

"How could I, my bitch?" he asked gently, and kissed her lightly on the nose, then sighed boredly. "Love aside, I'm sure you have a busy night."

The princess nodded. "Regrettably, Master," she said, and stood up. "Once Sister is turned, I can take a break from these awful responsibilities, but the Kingdom rests on my withers for another evening."

"Prince Shining Armor will be holding meetings in the throne room. You'll need to wake up earlier tomorrow so you can maintain a partially diurnal schedule," he said.

Luna nodded slowly. "Of course. Thank goodness he has taken most of the logistics, at least. I suspect soon I may need to raise the Sun, depending on whether Celestia is captive indoors, or if she chooses to create a panic."

"Since you're getting up earlier now, I'll wake you at the time of dawn—to be safe. You can go back to sleep as soon as you've performed your service," said the nightwing.

"Hopefully the change in my sleep schedule will allow this cunt to merit her golden markings—Master willing, of course," she said, and smiled. Curiously, I saw no signs of her being a vampony. Is it possible she isn't one yet? But if that's the case, why in Equestria would she be submitting to one of her guards?

"Very willing. I'd like to watch you in action with the Mayor, after she arrives tomorrow," he said, and Luna's eyes lit up like shiny little candles.

"Oh, marvelous!" said Luna. "In my short time back with the living, I've gotten to know Ms. Mare reasonably well. That darling cunt is smart as a whip. Breaking her will be immensely pleasurable for both of us."

Then, for the next twenty minutes, I watched them, um... I probably shouldn't have watched them. But it was reconnaissance, and any little clue could have been important. The short version of what I saw: the nightwing placed a saddle and bridle on Princess Luna, both with matching white-gold accents.

Then he, er, rode her I guess? He mounted her and led her slowly around the room (which was rather spacious). Is that what saddles are for? Dear Celestia. I had no idea. Rarity made and sold saddles long before becoming a vampony! She was always trying to convince me to fit for one, too. Was she... hitting on me?

No, no. That's totally impossible. Erase the thought.

After a short ride, the nightwing hitched Luna to a post and then a lot of things happened that I don't want to describe here. It was very reminiscent of seeing Brother and Sis-in-law together, but this time it wasn't freaking me out as much. I suspect I'm becoming numb to these sorts of horrible experiences. Although, my body didn't feel numb at all—it felt... something else.

I'd rather not think about this right now.

Anyway, I carefully cast some spells to filter the air and clean my vulva before dropping the shield and walking quietly away. Loud, erotic horse noises followed me down the corridor, threatening to bring my (ick) juices back to the fore.

It was a little tiring to keep the light up (I had it off while watching the show, of course), but I decided to write back to Celestia while remaining safe in the hidden passageway. I might even decide to sleep here, but it's not exactly comfortable—I suspect I'll risk getting caught and return to Celestia's bed. It's unbelievably comfortable, as you'd probably imagine, Journal. If books could imagine things, I mean.

Ugh, I really made a mess in her bed last night (I discovered after waking up). It wasn't my fault, of course, but hopefully she'll think it was somepony else, like Princess Luna. Technically it was Luna's fault, anyway.

I took a nap on the hard stone flooring, but couldn't have been asleep for more than an hour or two. Upon waking I decided it was time to message Princess Celestia once again.

Dear Princess Celestia (Roaming),

Your sister is definitely with the vamponies, and she has submitted herself to one of her Night Guard stallions. I suspect she might not be a vampony yet, but clearly there has been some sort of mental manipulation because no sane pony would act this way of their own free will.

I'm not sure why this place I'm in isn't accessible to her. Hasn't she seen the, er, "key to it"? (I'd rather not risk saying more, in the event this is intercepted.)

I think we might want to rethink our strategy of being silent about the vampony crisis (originally I thought it was your idea due to a coded message I suspect Luna faked and sent to me). As much as I don't want an all-out war, at some point we need to get the public on our side to shut this operation down and things don't currently look too optimistic for the home team.

Capturing you-know-who seems more difficult than I'd anticipated, since he's apparently taken on many of the royal duties you and your sister share. I will try to catch him in slumber. I think I can teleport to several possible safe locations if things go sour. It's fortunate I know this place so well (you recall why).

Let me know what you think. I'll await your response.

Your faithful student even now,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Reading back in my Journal I realize now I sent you the same spell twice, oops. But you probably noticed that already.

P.P.S. Below is the sketch of my Journal that you requested. Feel free to link to it.

I started to get worried when there was no response for around an hour, as it doesn't take Celestia long to compose and write a letter. (It would be a Very Bad Thing if anypony else was able to form a synecdoche link with this book, but very few mages are powerful enough to pull it off with such a limited connection.) When she finally sent it back, I quickly realized why it had been delayed...

It was written in her blood.

(Header omitted),

Now stuck here >1 wk, HAD to try escape.

Almost did. Now in lock'd cell. SEND SPIKE.

I sent NO coded msg. Go public on vamps now!

Don't reply. I contact ltr.

–P.C.

Well... horseshit.

I guess it's time for Spike to save the day, yet again.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle (Personal) and Spike the Dragon,

Spike, we need to go public with the vampony menace as soon as possible.

But there's a more important mission for you first. If you have any way to get to the Crystal Empire, you'll be able to free Celestia. The crystal ponies will listen to you and revolt against the guard. We need her, so do everything you can to rescue her.

Counting on you. And I love you (non-sexually, of course).

Good luck,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Screw this hallway. I'm going back to Princess Celestia's bedroom to sleep. Tomorrow I'll make my way through the caverns, do some recon in Canterlot, then find my brother's quarters.

By which I mean his sleeping quarters, and his hindquarters. For a hard spanking, because he's been a very naught—

Wait, no. No, no, no. Please ignore that (facehoof).

This time, it was totally accidental and not perverted, I'm certain.

Day 56 (Rainbat Dash)

Well, I found Rainbow Dash. I mean Rainbat Dash, rather. Long story: begin.

My sleep was uneventful: every time I started to dream, I cancelled it out with magic. This was not exactly the best plan, however. I'm pretty tired this morning because I didn't get hardly any REM sleep. I think the potential of suffering with Luna's torture would have been a better choice. I might take a nap later while Luna is sleeping, when she's less likely to be doing the dreamtrotting thing (ironically enough, it's easier for her to do her job during the evening when she can nap again with an already-rested mind).

I did go back into the secret passageway and spied on her, but there was nothing strange. She was asleep (of course), and this time she was alone in the room and sleeping on the big bed like a normal pony would.

Then I headed down into the Crystal Caverns.

It's hard to describe the Crystal Caverns if you've never been in them, Journal. I've read that they maintain a symbiotic link with the Crystal Kingdom, which is possibly how the Sisters knew Sombra had returned so immediately. They're definitely pretty, but it's a mesmerizing maze of color and reflection. The crystals here grow and change over time so it's really easy to get lost even if you've been here before.

I carefully made a mental map of my surroundings using echolocation magic to get a better picture, but after a few minutes of doing so, I magically detected a signal I hadn't sent. I figured I must have awoken and confused the hay out of a bat, but then I realized it might be a nightwing and I grew nervous.

The problem with the Crystal Caverns isn't that it's easy to find you—as I wrote, it's practically a living maze. The problem is that it's easy to see you. You can hide, but other ponies will know you're somewhere in the caverns: your reflection will pop up all over the place. I tried to duck down into a safe place, but I wasn't having any luck finding a nonreflective nook. If it were a batpony, they must already have known I were here.

At least the trick works in both directions.

It didn't take me long to pinpoint the other figure, and it was definitely a pony of some sort. Some shade of azure, and the rainbow mane was unmistakeable.

"Rainbow Dash!" I called out without thinking. This may have been incredibly stupid, but I was very glad to see her.

Then I took off into the air and immediately faceplanted painfully into rock. "Ah, yes. The wing," I grumbled, picking myself up.

I might have been happy to see her, but I wasn't so happy to hear her. The screeching sound she made echoed throughout the cavern. For a moment I thought she wouldn't be able to locate me, but I underestimated the echolocation thing. I couldn't figure out where she was, and then something large and pony-shaped slammed into my back knocking me down.

It took several seconds of pushing to turn myself face-up, and by that time her tongue had encircled and closed my muzzle tightly. She looked feral, completely out of control, but also a little afraid.

"Mmm! Mmmphbm dnnnf!" I said, though I'm not sure if she'd have understood me even with my mouth open.

Rainbat Dash lunged for my shoulder, and I deflected the blow with a small magical projection. I realized I had to shut her up quickly before anypony discovered us, and then I had an idea.

In addition to acting as a badging mechanism, the wingclips probably serve to keep nightwings from transforming. Maybe if I applied enough pressure to the exact same spot...? I focused my telekinesis on the tops of her bat wings, and dug in hard.

For a moment I was afraid I'd break her bones, but she shuddered atop me and her wings shifted back to the feathered variety before my eyes. It's a surprisingly fast transformation. A moment later, and she was leaning over my face with watery eyes.

"T-twilight? Is that you?" she asked, her voice more than a little horse. It wasn't the vampony thing, either. She was clearly thirsty.

"Oh thank Celestia," I said, relaxing.

"My wings hurt..." she complained. I was still holding them tightly.

"Rainbow, I need you to fight the transformation. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

She stared dumbly at me for a moment, then the lights went on in her eyes. "Oh! Yeah, yeah of course," she said. I released her wings and she collapsed atop me in exhaustion.

We lay like that for a few minutes. I didn't want to move her, and secretly, it felt wonderful to hold her in my legs. I gently petted her mane, and eventually she blushed and pulled free, flopping down beside me on the rocky floor.

"Something really bad has happened," she finally said, her voice choked up.

"Oh no! Are any of our friends hurt?!" I asked, frightened of the answer. I'm not sure who else would injure them, though, and I had a hard time believing Dash would hurt anypony close to her—vampony or not.

"Huh? No, I don't think so," she said, and turned away from me. "I think... I think I... (mumble mumble)"

"Um, I didn't quite catch that. Are you talking about being a vampony?" I asked.

"No, but I'm... embarrassed, okay? Can you close your eyes for a moment?"

"How will that help?" I wondered.

"Please," she begged.

I closed my eyes.

She scooted away from me and whispered something I heard this time. "Twi, I think I might be, um, a... lesbian."

I opened my eyes. "What? But you kept saying you weren't a lesb—ohhh, I get it now," I said, as the psychology finally clicked. "But, that's it?"

"Hay, this is a big deal for me, okay?" she said. "I've never been able to own up to it. I just kept telling myself all those times fooling around with Applejack and Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and the two times with Rarity were, like, flukes. Someday I'd marry a Wonderbolt stallion and it would be awesome and I'd have a family..."

"Look, I didn't know anything about, er, lesbianism when this nightmare started," I said gently, turning toward her. She lay on her side, facing away from me, about five meters away. "But there's nothing bad about it. You can still have foals, I think, at least with magic or surrogacy or whatever."

"Aren't you ashamed of me?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"What? Why would I be?" I asked.

"Because I'm not awesome enough," she said, turning to face me. Her cheeks were wet.

I stood, walked over to her, sat, and pulled her into an embrace in my lap. "Everything about you is awesome, Rainbow Dash. Nopony is going to judge you for who you're attracted to."

She sniffled and coughed. "You might be right, I dunno. It just feels awful to have hid it from all my friends."

I nodded. "Well, I'm certainly not your most perceptive friend, but I actually have a suspicion the others already know."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Oh. Great," she said.

We waited a moment in silence, then I spoke. "I don't know what I am, you know," I offered.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I don't know if I'm like, a lesbian, or straight, or bisexual or whatever. I know this madness has made me share experiences with my friends that have been completely new to me," I said. "I felt like I might be falling in love with Applejack, for one."

"Oh. R-really? So, you like girls too?" she asked, her ears perking up.

"Well, again, I don't really know. I'm just Twilight Sparkle, and that's as far as I can describe myself sexually. The vampony stuff has made things complicated, so this was bad timing for me to finally come of age," I said.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Since I failed at not getting bitten, I've been feeling lots of weird things. I couldn't even think straight before you helped me change back," she said. "When this bat thing is taking my body, I think I'm starting to feel things for stallions, too, and I don't know if I should. Like, maybe it's not 'me' to feel that way."

"Yeah, well, I dunno," I said, and I pulled her in close for a hug.

"What's been going on? I basically arrived at Canterlot, talked to the wrong guard, and ended up getting bitten. I escaped and came down here because I remembered you talking about the caves, but then the vampony stuff took over and that's all I can remember right now," she said.

"Wow, it's hard to even explain, so much has happened. I think all our friends are with the Order now."

"The Order?"

"The Order of Spring. It's not supposed to be a group, so I guess it's some kind of force or maybe a pony? I don't really know. Applejack's the only one I know who hasn't been compromised yet, but she was coltnapped more than a week ago right after you last saw her, so I don't hold out much hope," I said. "In the meantime I've been molested by Pinkie Pie, Luna, my parents, even the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Raped, if you want to get technical."

Rainbow Dash held a hoof over her mouth. "Oh Twilight, my Sun. I'm so, so sorry," she whispered.

"No, it's okay," I said. "For some reason it hasn't really been traumatic. I feel so good when other ponies dote on me like that, even though it's sick and wrong. It's taken all my strength to keep from joining with the rest of them."

"So that's it, then. It's just us?" she asked, grimacing.

I shook my head. "No. Zecora and Pinkie are vamponies, but they're kinda-sorta playing both sides. Spike's still with us, and so is Celestia. Hopefully Spike finds a way to get to the Crystal Kingdom, because he can rally the populace to overthrow the guard and get Celestia out of imprisonment," I said. "We need to go public with the vampony stuff as soon as possible. It might start a war, but it's our only hope at restoring sanity at this point."

"I don't want our friends to be on the other side of this," said Rainbow Dash, her eyes tearing up. "This isn't fair! You never did anything to deserve this."

I sighed. "Maybe I did, I don't know."

"Don't say that, Twi—wait, did you say the Cutie Mark Crusaders raped you?"

I grinned sheepishly. "I know that sounds ridiculous, but, yeah. They also did this," I said, and extended my left wing.

"Oh, horsefeathers," said Dash. "You can't fly with a wing like that." She paused for a moment in thought. "Twi, how are they?"

"Who?"

"Our friends. Are they suffering?" she asked. "Is Scootaloo okay? Aside from raping you, I mean."

I nodded. "She seems fine. Everypony with the Order seems as happy as they are perverted, which is 'very'," I said.

"Well, maybe it won't be so bad," said Rainbow Dash. "I mean, I'm not giving up! I'm just saying, y'know, maybe there's a silver lining if we're really lucky or something."

"I've thought a lot about that," I said. "I don't want Spike to be fucking Rarity before he even turns twelve years old, that's just insane."

Rainbow Dash blushed deeply at my language.

I continued, "...and I don't want to have sex with my parents and my brother, or be led around on a leash, or have my horn cut off. There's maybe a small part of me that wants it, but there's no way turning everypony in Equestria into psycho sex-crazed perverts will not end badly for the entire nation."

"Did they, um, pop you?" she asked, wincing.

"Hmm? I don't understand."

"Your cherry, I mean," she asked.

"Oh. Oh! No, no, that's still intact. I haven't been penetrated by anything big, like a hoof or a penis or even a horn," I said. "Not sure it matters, really. A hymen is a hymen, and it doesn't convey any information other than sexual inexperience, and that's something I'm not too proud of at the moment."

"Twi, do you, um, like me?"

"Rainbow Dash, I love you," I said with a smile.

"R-really?!" she gasped.

"Yes really. You're one of my best friends, and you're as awesome as they come," I argued. "If the situation were different, with the pony I've become over the past two weeks... I think I'd want to be intimate with you."

Rainbow Dash's wings exploded open, and this time I knew what it meant.

"You know, even though the cherry thing isn't important, you probably don't want to be forced into losing it. That would seriously suck," she said. "And who knows how badly they'll treat you if they catch you."

I paused for a moment, and had a thought. (I suspect Rainbow had the same one.)

"Well... would you like to, you know, do the honors? I'd rather it be with you," I said, holding back tears.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh, Twi, I um, I'm not going to take advantage of you, period. I just can't do that," she said.

"I want it. I want to share it with you," I said.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Sure as sugar, as AJ might say. I'm not going to let these bastards have the satisfaction of breaking my hymen. Er, I'm assuming that brings satisfaction somehow? I'm really not clear on the social aspects of the biology."

Rainbow Dash laughed. "You're such a cute dork," she said, and leaned in against me.

"Wait," I said, after our muzzles touched. "Come with me."

No space for notes this time. I have too much to write about already.

Day 56 (The Dance of Love) (Part 1 of 2)

I led Rainbat Dash—for the moment, Rainbow Dash—up the stairs of the hidden exit from the caves and into the secret hallway.

"Be very quiet: that's a peephole into Luna's room," I whispered to her as we tiptoed down the hallway.

More quickly than I could react, she leaned in for a peek. Her face immediately blanched.

"What is it?" I whispered.

She recoiled from the wall. "You do not want to know, Twilight."

"But—"

"Seriously. Let's get the buck out of here," she whispered, and started physically pushing me down the hallway.

I quietly opened the way to Princess Celestia's bedchambers (never thought I'd see myself write that particular phrase) and we entered, closing the secret door behind us. I quickly confirmed that my magic sigil on the door to the bedroom still held, then I cast a bubble enchantment around the entire room.

"Oh thank Celestia, we should be safe now. Wait... do you smell something weird?" I asked.

"Um... That's probably me," said Rainbow Dash, sniffing at her underlegs. "I should probably take a bath."

I followed her into the bathroom and extended the bubble around as much of the area as I could. "There are holes where the metal extends outside, but water traps should guarantee that none of your scent travels through them. Vamponies are pretty sensitive to odor. Hopefully whoever you saw in Luna's room didn't detect your scent."

I didn't realize it at the time, but was actually pinching my nose with my hoof as I spoke to her. She really did stink. Fortunately, she didn't seem to be offended by my reaction. It's not like it was her fault, of course. What do you expect when you're mindless and trapped somewhere for a week without any way (or the will) to maintain proper hygiene?

"It's fine, they were all asleep," she said. "I'll just be a few minutes."

Naturally, her response made me insatiably curious. Luna was asleep in her room with other ponies? Who were they, and how many? Were they cuddling? Maybe they were all piled on the bed and it was just too much for Dash to handle, given all the weird stuff we've been through. She might not be as prudish as I used to be, but she hasn't witnessed half of the horrors I've seen since my eyes were forced open.

The aggravating lack of knowledge stewed within me as I waited for Rainbow Dash to finish her shower, but after a couple of minutes I decided it would be better not to ask for details. I didn't want to traumatize her any more than necessary, and it's unlikely anything useful would come of it, since they must have been ponies Dash didn't personally know.

Curiosity is a dangerous instinct, even though it is the bedrock of science. I'm kind of disappointed I couldn't resist the urge to look through the hole yesterday, even though it was the logical choice.

It took Dash longer than I expected to shower. She probably wanted to be thorough. She emerged from the bathroom, toweling off with poofy wings and smelling fresh as a new bale of hay. Then she tossed the towel onto the bedroom floor, so I quickly hung it in the bathroom. When I returned, she was licking at her feathers. It took me a moment to realize she was preening.

"Oh. Should I do this in private?" she asked, noticing my stare.

"No, I like watching you. Is it supposed to be private?" I asked in turn.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes even as she blushed. "Twilight, somepony really needs to teach you the finer points of being a pegasus."

"I thought you were doing that! Er, before the vampony invasion, I mean," I said.

"Those were just flying lessons. There's a lot more to being a pegasus pony than flying—although flying is obviously the awesomest part," she stated. "But you're right, I should have been doing this from the beginning. You need to maintain better wing care than you have. Your wings are clean, but they're not well-primed for flying, which will reduce your ability to accelerate properly. The feathers don't need to be zippered to keep you warm, but they need it for flight, as well as for public appearance around other pegasi. Do you want me to teach you how to preen?"

I gulped, feeling awful. "I... I don't know," I said. "I really thought I was doing okay with them! I just... I mean, I've tried preening and it doesn't seem to help much."

Rainbow Dash sighed, and resumed preening herself even as she responded to me. "Well, you needth thoo thtart doing thith," she said. "I can'th believe thath Thwiligth Thparkle would give up on thomething like thith tho eathily."

"I was embarrassed to ask for help, and when nopony said anything, I assumed the problem had gone away," I said, closing my eyes. "Actually, I was working up the nerve to ask you about a month ago, but you said preening was super-personal at the first Herd of Four meeting, so I balked."

I felt a wing encircle me, followed by a firm hug. I opened my eyes, and we were muzzle to muzzle.

"Your breath is nice," I commented.

"Yeah, I used Celestia's toothbrush," she said.

"You used WHAT?" I said. "Rainbow Dash, you can't just use somepony else's toothbrush!"

She shrugged. "It's better than the alternative," she said, turning her face slightly away from mine.

"Well... great," I said. Taking the hint, I rushed to the bathroom to use it myself.

Journal, never in my deepest nightmares could I possibly have imagined I would one day be in such dire hygenic straits as to defile Princess Celestia's toothbrush.

I returned precisely two minutes later, and Rainbow Dash was still preening. She'd only finished her left wing, and I suspected she'd intentionally restricted herself to a single wing so she could use the other as an example for learning purposes. (When I'd seen preening previously, the preener would always alternate wings between switching work on specific areas of the wing.)

"Okay Twi," she said. "I'll do myself first, then tend to you. Watch the motions my neck makes as I hit each feather on the wing. It works on instinct: if you make the neck motions, the rest just kind of follows through."

"Weird," I said. "Ponies aren't supposed to have fixed action patterns. We've long since evolved beyond them."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "If you say so," she said, then continued to preen her wings.

Like most things she does, Rainbow's preening was fast. It took scarcely more than five minutes, and this was undoubtedly slowed-down for my benefit. I picked up on several key positional contortions of her neck. My most salient observations follow.

Apparently, it is important to extend the neck out in a very straight line as you sift from the calamus down along the length of the feather's rachis. The initial angle of the neck seems to be made with this in mind. Just before preening a feather, the afterfeather fluff is briefly stroked in a circular motion with a dry tongue-tip. Then, the teeth comb across the feather, and the hooks on the tongue-tip realign the barbs along the vane (I hypothesize that the alignment of the barbules and hooklets transitively follow from this action).

As a former unicorn, the soft, tiny hooks on the tip of my tongue and the ability to dry my mouth on command are both new to me. Earth ponies share the dry-mouth ability with pegasi, which probably evolved to make manipulation of objects and writing easier. Young unicorns tend to slobber a lot (I didn't, of course, but it's typical for most prior to age ten). Unicorns often require special grips when they learn to write by mouth, as well. This is because learning to write generally comes years before the ability to finely control objects via one's horn actively manifests, and it's expected that unicorns should develop mandibular dexterity as foals anyway (there's a reasonably large stigma against being 'too good' to use your mouth among the nobility of Canterlot, even if most nobles have atrocious mouth-based penponyship).

A few unicorns like myself, mostly those destined to become mages, can innately control their thaumatological abilities early on. Even before I could reliably control telekinesis through my horn, I had developed the ability to adjust my mandibular dexterity with little pulses of energy that balanced out whatever I was carrying in my teeth. This meant I could hold my head upright while writing, and so I wasn't as messy...

I guess that's the reason I wasn't a slobberer? You know, Journal, I never realized that until just now. How odd. I always figured I was just so much of a neat-freak as a foal that I was more 'attentive', or something. In retrospect, I feel kind of naive and vain.

"Okay, there," said Rainbow Dash as she finished up, blushing as though she'd just donned a saddle right in front of me. "So, um, why don't you show me, and I can help guide you?"

The next two hours were highly instructive. I shouldn't be so surprised by this given the time we've spent together in flight training, but Rainbow Dash is an incredible teacher! I know she's a genius of proprioception and kinesthetic action, but it's not just her raw ability that makes her excel at passing along what she knows. She seems to have an intuitive sense for the concepts that her student isn't clear on, and she has a great deal of patience for error. It's not something I would have imagined from her, given her personality. Is that a prejudice on my part?

I remember how much getting to know Rarity surprised me, shortly after we'd met. Fillies like her had always treated me with disdain in school. I never expected her to have such a generous spirit. I miss that part of her more than I care to think about right now.

Several times Rainbow Dash had to show me examples on herself, but only three times did she actually preen one of my own feathers. Each time, she elicited a strong blush, and she appeared to struggle to keep her wings down. I think I'm starting to understand why, though. There's something about the process of preening, particularly on the smaller feathers: the marginal coverts on the patagium and especially those over the alula. The alula, or "bastard wing", is a small projection right next to a wing's wrist, sort of like the "little finger" of the wing, and it's incredibly sensitive. Oddly enough, pleasure seems to center inside that part of the wing itself, rather than being decentralized, or localized to the horn or groin. This leads me to a new hypothesis: is a "wingasm" a real thing? I haven't had the courage to ask her, but I suspect the answer is 'yes'.

I've paused to write down this much. Dash is napping on the bed at the moment. I suspect she thinks I've forgotten about what I'd asked her to do (the virginity thing, I mean). I suspect she'll try not to mention it, because she's afraid of rejection right now. But I haven't forgotten, and I have no intention of rejecting her.

Rainbow Dash cuddled into my legs, and I woke her with a kiss to her muzzle. She opened her eyes dreamily and stared at my face, then her eyes went wide and she pushed back off of the bedcovers and tumbled out of bed.

"Oh gosh! Are you okay?" I asked, which seems rather dumb in retrospect. But I suppose it wasn't her physical health I was most concerned about.

"N-no, I'm fine. I just, I, um..." she stammered.

"Your wings," I pointed out. I couldn't help but smirk.

Rainbow blushed and frowned, folding her wings downward with obvious effort. "It's not funny," she said. "I can't help how I feel about you."

"What do you mean?" I said. It took her a moment, but I think she could tell from the expression on my face that I wasn't kidding.

Rainbow Dash walked around to the foot of the bed and turned away from me. "You know. I mean, you gotta know by now."

"You mean you're... attracted to me? I guess I believe you, but why would anypony be?" I said, then laughed.

She turned and faced me, a look of utter disbelief plastered across her face. "Are you nuts?" she said.

"I, I..." I said, but I didn't know what else to say, so that was all.

"Twilight, you're perfect! How do you not know this? You're a bucking princess, first of all, but that pales in comparison to how sweet and beautiful and funny you are to be around," she says. "Do you think that we all decided to be your friend right away when we met because we felt bad for you, or something?"

"Well, yeah. That, and maybe the destiny thing," I said, and tried my best to hold back tears. "I've spent my whole life fighting uphill, taking tests and meeting challenges. I was so proud of myself before I met you all. I used to think I deserved all my accolades..."

"Twi, c'mon." Dash's eyes were sad.

"...but I didn't have friends. I didn't realize that friendship was the true measure of how successful you are in life," I continued, and wiped away a small tear. "Even then, my true incompetence didn't hit me until I became a princess. It was so random, so pointless. Most ponies learn about friendship when they're young. Me? I had to study it, I managed to keep everypony I knew at leg's length, and now they call me the 'Princess of Friendship' because I cast a couple of spells. It's all a big joke, Rainbow."

Rainbow shook her head. "Twilight, that's crazy talk. You're the only pony I know who's more awesome than me! Well... maybe Applejack, in her own way, but never tell her I said that," she admitted. "I mean, you're powerful and strong and sexy, and you never give up, not even now when the odds are totally against you. The fact you have to put work into learning how to make friends just shows how important it is to you, when the rest of us usually take it for granted. I've only been your friend for a couple of years, but you're easily one of the closest friends I've ever had, maybe even closer than Fluttershy. You even introduced me to reading, for buck's sake!"

"I don't see it," I said, because I didn't (and still don't, as I write this post-coitus). "I'm still socially inept, and just look at where we are right now. Because of my shortcomings, I've let everypony down again."

"Oh, Twilight. All the bad stuff in the world is not your fault, for crying out loud!"

"No, but it's my responsibility."

"Screw responsibility!" said Dash, flexing her wings. "You face so much pressure, it's incredible you haven't bursted into a million pieces! For buck's sake—er, sorry for the language, but I kinda feel strong about it—you hold yourself to a standard higher than you'd hold anypony else. Even Celestia."

"Princess Celestia holds me to that standard as well," I countered, emphasizing the importance of her title.

"I don't think she does, Twi," replied Dash.

"What? Why?" I said.

"You thought Celestia was going to fail you—and I'm not going to keep calling her 'Princess Celestia' every time I talk about her, any more than you'd want me to call you 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'—that, um... shit. Sorry. I, um, I forget the point I was trying to make."

I nodded and frowned, but waited patiently.

"Okay, um... oh, right. You thought Celestia was gonna fail you because you didn't personally grab the Crystal Heart when we saved the Empire," she pointed out. "That's literally insane. Thank the Stars you weren't selfish enough to demand to do it by yourself, or we'd all be imprisoned in the crystal mines right now."

"I just want to be a good—I mean, do a good job," I said, softly. I seated myself on the foot of the bed.

Dash walked up to me where I sat and put her wing around me. "Look, sweetie. Everypony makes mistakes. AJ and I were talking about this a while back, because she has the same problem with pressure. And hay, I can identify too, because when I train all I can think about is being a Wonderbolt, and if I don't train harder and harder I'll never make the cut. I'm..." she said, then swallowed hard, "I'm scared to death of failing. Er, don't ever tell AJ that either."

I nodded. "You know, there's a syndrome in higher education and business called the 'impostor syndrome', I think. Many of the best and brightest unicorns—undoubtedly other sapient races, too—constantly feel like they've only succeeded by tricking everypony into thinking they're doing a good job. It's like, one day they might slip up, and then everypony would see the 'real them'. And then they'd lose their friends, and be banished from their peers..."

"I wonder if Celestia feels that way?" Rainbow Dash asked, and laughed in an odd way that sounded almost like a cough.

I furrowed my brow. "I... I don't know. I never think of her as feeling anything, really. Disappointment, sometimes."

"Wow. I think I want to punch her in the face," she said, fortunately not backed by the anger her statement suggested.

"Hay, don't say that! It's my problem, anyway. She never needed to do this to me. It's something I've done to myself from the time my schooling began."

"Ugh. Well, I guess maybe it's part of who you are in a way. Maybe I can use an, um, anylog?"

"Analogy."

"...analogy, thanks, with training. Physically speaking, there are flaws that are a part of who you are: wings too short, barrel too broad to be aerodynamic, etc. Everypony has them. New trainees try to work around their limitations, but it's totally the wrong approach. You gotta accept your limitations as a part of who you are, and learn to use them as adv—" she said, then suddenly froze and recoiled backwards several steps.

"Rainbow Dash? What's wrong?" I asked. Needless to say, the Twilight-Sparkle-social-anxiometer (pronounced angz-ee-AH-met-urr, of course) was already at peak level from dealing with the current awkward situation while embedded in our much larger, more horrifying predicament.

"I, I don't know. Something's wrong with my body!" she said, and her neck appeared to lock up rigidly. Then her head began bobbing up and down.

I wanted to intervene, but I was stunned. "Can... can you describe it?" I asked. "I can't fix it if I don't know what it is! Is your nightwing nature coming out?"

"No, I'm holding that back pretty well," she said. "It's... ohmygosh." Rainbow Dash pulled her wings away from her body while keeping the wing closed, and tilted them down at a deep angle. Then she started pronking in place in tiny steps to the left, then back to the right. Her gaze remained fixated upon my face.

"What?!" I gasped. "Tell me!"

"No, that's impossible..." she said, flapping her wings once before returning them to the previous position. Then she started shimmying her rump and tail. If I hadn't been horrified, I'm pretty sure I would have doubled over laughing.

"Is... that some kind of dance?" I whispered.

She blushed deeply. "There are stories of pegasi doing mating dances, but they're bunk! It's just bullcrap that stallions tell mares in order to woo them," she said, the shimmy motion travelling up to her barrel and then to her shoulders. "And it's only males. There's no such thing as a mare doing a mating dance!"

I couldn't help myself, and burst out laughing.

The regret was almost immediate, as Dash seemed hurt. "I can't control it, okay?" she said.

"I'm sorry!" I said. "I just... this is the most adorable thing I've ever seen!" I said, smiling.

"Oh no, that's terrible!" she said, and I'm pretty sure she wasn't being sarcastic. "Twilight make it stop!"

"I don't know a spell that would work! And I'm not kidding, it is kind of sweet," I explained. "Is it dangerous?"

Secretly, I did know of at least one spell that might counteract it, but I didn't want to risk it. Something about the dance was more than just cute. It was... dorky to the point of being erotic. Is that a thing? Maybe just for me, because I'm a dork (or so Rainbow tells me frequently).

"No, j-just embarrassing," she said, blushing deeply before letting out a loud braying sound (good thing for the magic bubble) followed by a squawk. I giggled and smiled. I think somehow she could tell now that I wasn't laughing at her. I was starting to realize how close the two of us were as friends.

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and took tiny steps angling back and forth, toward the bed. "Oh shit. I, Twi, I think you're supposed to, like, bend over the bed?" she said. "No, wait! You don't have to..."

I quickly clambered off of the bed and turned my rump to face her. "Like this?" I asked, lifting my tail and leaning forward against the bed with my forelegs on the top of it and my rear legs pressed right against the frame. They were spread slightly, and I started breathing heavily as a deep warmth tickled my nether regions.

"Y-yeah," she gasped, placing her forehooves on my withers. "Ohmygosh I don't know what I'm doing."

"Please, don't stop," I said, biting at my lower lip as my rump tilted upward slightly. I felt myself... ew, but somehow it doesn't feel disgusting as I write this... I'm pretty sure my vulva and clitoris 'winked' at her, flashing her a bit of pink like a sexual signal of some sort. I felt myself forced down against the bed as she lay atop me and began thrusting her hips upward, which tilted my rump up even further.

I could see out of the corner of my eye that her neck was still bobbing, then it relaxed and rested next to my face as her hips began grinding against me. She started flapping her wings backwards, increasing her thrusts downward and forwards. My wings were stretched out firmly, but unflapping, and I felt the tips of her wings tickle mine over and over again. I could feel her hot breath in my right ear, and hear her panting... and then something soft (her mons, I assume, but perhaps teats) pushed up gently against my clit and I spasmed slightly.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, spasmed a lot. Her body drew up rigidly and she pushed her forelegs tightly underneath me, between my barrel and the bed, as she quivered and whined nasally in a high-pitched squeak. I heard a sound like somepony pressing the tip of a slightly clogged-up aerosol can, then she yelped and rested her body on mine, shivering.

"I... Twi I'm so sorry," she gasped.

"What?! That was wonderful!" I said. "Don't be sorry."

"Okay," she whispered, and we lay there for about a minute until she'd gathered her senses.

"Are... you okay?" I asked her.

"Y-yeah. Way better than okay," she said, rolling off of me and standing up next to the bed. I returned myself to a seated position on the edge of the bed. (I was starting to drool from my vagina out onto Princess Celestia's bedsheets, and I honestly didn't care.)

"I'm so happy I could share that with you," I said, reaching out a hoof to touch her face.

"I don't even know what that was," she said. "But whoa, I just... I just squirted like a firehose! I probably got my scent all over Celestia's dresser—Twi, we are going to burn this room before she gets back, right?"

I was uncertain whether or not she was serious.

"I might have to masturbate after that," I said, blushing. "It's okay, though. AJ and Pinkie taught me how to."

"You're horny? After that?" she asked.

I nodded. "Wouldn't you be, in my horseshoes?"

"I dunno," she said, walking up to sit next to me on the bed. "I figured you must be all disgusted and stuff." She turned her head away from me.

"Rainbow, I said I wanted you to be the one to, you know," I repeated, blushing. "I meant it. But I guess it can wait until later."

Rainbow Dash turned back to face me. "Wait? Why?" she asked.

"Well, you had an orgasm, so you're not horny anymore. That's how it works, right?" I asked.

Dash chuckled. "Eh, sorta. Actually, I'm a little horny again already, maybe the vampony stuff, but probably just 'cause you're a totally hot babe," she said. (Admittedly, I was momentarily offended. Then I realized that it was silly to feel that way—she meant it as a compliment, even if it's a polite fiction. Still, I'm sure I blushed.) "But even if I weren't horny, I'd still want to do it with you," she added.

"That doesn't make sense. What would you get out of it?" I asked.

She looked confused. "Twilight, look... I know I haven't trained much at the sex thing either, but I'm pretty sure it's not an, 'I scratch your withers if you scratch mine' kinda thing. Having sex is a lot like friendship. Don't you enjoy doing stuff with your friends—I mean stuff that they like to do more than you do—just to participate and be with them as they enjoy themselves?"

"Oh. I guess that does make sense," I said. "I guess I have a hard time seeing from that point of view because sex seems more like... well, like a punishment, or a chore, or maybe a weird form of torture. If you're both relieving the burden at the same time, it seems a better idea than trying to do it separately."

Then she looked at me and sighed plaintively. "When I was younger, I used to feel like we'd be better off without sex at all. But I learned how important it is, I mean beyond making babies. Being with somepony can bring you closer to them, and with AJ... I've never told anypony this, but just lying in bed next to her, holding her... it just feels so peaceful. It's like, all the mistakes I make are okay, because somepony loves me even though they know me well enough to know all the dumb things I do."

"I think I've felt that too," I said. "I mean, even with Applejack specifically. I hope you don't feel jealous."

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "At one time I would have, but not anymore. I know AJ's always there for me, and whatever you do with her doesn't change that. I just don't want to think that... that being close to me has been some k-kind of, of torture for you..." Her voice trailed off and she turned her face away from mine.

I took her chin in my hoof and turned her muzzle back in my direction. Her eyes were moist. "Rainbow Dash, it wasn't torture. I loved it, I truly did. Even though it was weird, and I didn't know what was happening, and everything was chaos—it was still wonderful to share it with you," I said. "Honestly, it would have been amazing even if I didn't get any endocrine stimulation out of it at all! There's something psychologically reassuring about being this close to you."

"But it felt nice, too?"

I nodded. "Yes, it did, even if I didn't reach a climax. I think this might be one of the things Pinkie was trying to teach us. Being mounted by you was... 'hot'? Is that the right word?"

Dash chuckled and smiled. "Yeah, egghead. That's the right one." She bumped her muzzle to mine, and I shared the mint-and-Dash-scented breath coming from her nostrils as our inhaling and exhaling intermingled.

I'm not sure which of us started it, but moments later my pegasus friend and I were kissing again.

This has been a long entry, so I'll break it in two parts to make it easier to locate in the journal; no extra space will be left after this one. After finishing the second part, I have another entry ready to go, too. Last night's dreams were very revealing.

Day 56 (The Dance of Love) (Part 2 of 2)

Part two of TwiDash (...dammit Pinkie).

In some ways, Rainbow Dash behaves more like a stallion than a mare. Is that sexist? What I mean is, she does things that fit "stereotyped behaviors" of stallions when she's in intimate situations. She's forceful, the way stallions are supposed to be—or maybe "expected by society to be" is more accurate. (To be honest, I'd never really thought about how hard it must be to be a stallion until that terrible argument with my brother.) Those expectations include things like making the first move, letting the mare pay for dinner (unless she doesn't want to), and using more active force in sex since they're the "outie" and you're the "innie". It turns out I like that forcefulness for the most part, but there are some elements of it that I don't enjoy.

(Rainbow, if you ever read this, please know I really enjoy being with you. I'm just writing here about preferences I have no control over. I meant to talk to you about this, but it really didn't seem like the appropriate time. We're both teetering on the edge of emotional stability right now as it is already. And besides, I loved the kissing anyway.)

The only thing I didn't care for was the forceful way she kissed with me. I enjoyed it a great deal emotionally, but physically it wasn't as pleasant as my other tongue-kissing experiences. Granted, I don't have much of a baseline for comparison: Cheerilee, Pinkie Pie, and Zecora are the sum total of my experiences. (Also Scootaloo through my dream the previous evening, but I'd rather not count that one, Journal. I didn't realize it was real when it was happening. Let's call it a "mulligan".)

All of the other French kisses I've had have been very gentle, so Rainbow's style of kissing was a huge contrast. She shoved her tongue right up into my oral cavity and roughly pressed it against mine. It felt weird, and violent. I was scared for a moment, and I wasn't enjoying it. But a few seconds later I started to feel pleasure on an emotional level. Something about Rainbow's brashness was pushing buttons (figuratively) that I didn't know I had within me. It wasn't the kiss itself, but what the kiss meant, deep within my mind. (Yet again, this simply goes to show that the most important sexual organ is the pony brain.)

I'll return to the "meaning" part later. For now, back to the kiss.

I wasn't resisting Rainbow at any point, yet she used a lot of force anyway. For a brief moment, her tongue lengthened and spooled into my mouth. Fortunately, she was able to suppress the "wolf", which I find admirable given how difficult I've found it is to control those feelings—and I've never been completely turned like she is.

Just to be on the safe side, I tried to reserve a small portion of my cognitive awareness to detect signs of Rainbat Dash, so that I could respond quickly if things got out of hoof. However, as our tongues danced (more like slam-danced), those thoughts spilled rapidly out of my brain (again figuratively), right along with all other forms of coherent thought. Being nearly unable to think should be terrifying, but the experience was too wonderful to let the horror seep through. Even though it made me feel dizzy and helpless, I didn't want it to stop. I hypothesize that this is what orgasms are for, from an evolutionary perspective: to let you know that you can stop now. (Query: how do vamponies know when to stop if they keep having orgasms? Surely, sex must get tiring or boring after a while, right? Maybe that's a flaw I can exploit...)

So even though I didn't enjoy how it felt, it was turning me on. Maybe being a partial-vampony for a short amount of time was all it took to turn me into an awful pervert. Or, maybe I was a pervert to begin with, and I just never knew it. I'm uncertain which possibility is more abhorrent.

Rainbow Dash pushed me down onto the bed and continued her oral aggression. Our two sets of wings, both rigidly spread, pressed and flicked against each other. As she had her way with my muzzle, my emotions started getting the better of me. Once again I felt like I was falling in love with one of my closest friends. I wanted to give her what she wanted, no matter what that meant, even if it weren't pleasurable. The fact that she insisted on taking it from the outset meant I didn't have to do anything to attain my goal. It was impossible for me to screw things up, in other words. This was going to happen no matter what. With that epiphanic state of mind, all the knots of anxiety inside my body and mind melted away.

Dash kept forcing my tongue where she wanted it to go like it was her own personal joystick. Then she sucked hard enough to yank my tongue inside her mouth, so she could have her way with it there too. Even when I was inside her body, she asserted complete control. I was her plaything, and that idea alone was almost as pleasurable to my psyche as a gentler kiss would have felt to my lips.

Although I wasn't a fan of the roughness, physically speaking, her combative approach had another benefit: it quickly overwhelmed my senses, and this had a synergistic effect on my loss of control. I can't help but wonder if there's a way to have one's cake and eat it too? Could gentle kissing produce the same effect, perhaps by "redlining" me with the opposite approach? I'm sure Zecora could find a way to do it, or maybe Fluttershy... oh dear Celestia, Fluttershy's kisses must be legendary. I can't even imagine how amazing her mouth...

Oh great. Now I'm fantasizing about Fluttershy kissing me. I'm so doomed.

This feeling of losing control seems to be a recurring theme for me. I remember how being restrained by my parents allowed me to somehow enjoy that... ugh, that... experience. Add this to what I mentioned in a previous entry about the need to go from heightened stress directly to relaxation in order to achieve sexual release, and most fetishes actually start to make sense to me. For Dash, she doesn't have to worry about rejection if she controls me, so there's no pressure, and she can relax. For me, I don't have to worry about messing up because I have no options to choose from, so none of this is my fault, and I can relax. Oddly enough, it works remarkably well from both sides, but this methodology is highly contingent on the ponies themselves. I don't think it would work if Dash and I weren't this... compatible(?) together. And I don't think I could enjoy doing what she does (or that she could enjoy being in my position, though I don't really know).

How do husbands and wives navigate desires like this together? Does it always just sort of work out, automatically? Since I would pin Dash's behavior as more of an anomaly, this seems statistically improbable to say the least, unless of course fatalistic magic has something to do with it. I could imagine the Tree of Harmony arranging dominant and, what would the other one be called, obsequious(?) ponies to fall in love... No, wait. That's ridiculous. That would be too weird, even for a timeless magic tree.

Hold on a moment, I'm going to go back and review part of the journal.

Okay. I just re-read the horrible conversation I had with my brother and his wife, the one that convinced me that my friends had turned into monsters. It was difficult to read, emotionally, but not nearly as rough as it had been to write. Am I losing my mind if his arguments seem more reasonable now? I shouldn't find anything he says in that chapter to be persuasive, but I'm starting to think that maybe we could have tried to talk things out if I hadn't been so quick to shut him out. I still can't believe that Shining Armor is a bad pony. We've both clearly been misjudging one another. But he's wrong, and I feel so... conflicted. I still don't know what to think.

Stars above, I wish Celestia were here right now. She could tell me exactly what to do. Horse apples, now I'm thinking about HER that way.

You know, Journal (well, obviously you "know", it's written in you), Princess Cadance said something odd at the dinner that I'd forgotten about. She mentioned that not all mares needed to be ordered about, but somehow she and my brother knew that I did, and I guess they were on the right track about my psychology. Is this some sort of vampony sense? Or did my brother know me better than I knew myself? Or worse still, did everypony know this about me, and they were all afraid to mention it?

Okay, this is an awful lot of boring philosophical masturbation, so I'll return to the actual story for now.

Rainbow Dash forced her tongue in my mouth (as mentioned), then she shoved me down onto the bed and held me down. Pegasi weigh significantly less than unicorns (and transitively, pegacorns: my weight didn't change at all when I ascended), even though neither of us weigh anywhere close to what an earth pony weighs (Pinkie's at least ten times heavier than I am, for one). What this means is that Rainbow Dash wasn't really holding me down. If I struggled really hard, I could have broken free.

That was irrelevant. Not only did I not want to struggle against her, she felt heavy to me. Subconsciously, I was completely unable to resist, because that's what I wanted to be true. It was mind over matter, or in this case, mind over matter over mind. So I let her tongue-kiss me and grip my upper ankles with her forehooves, because in a manner of speaking, I really did have no choice.

I gasped as she broke the kiss. I'd been breathing okay through my nose, but I needed a lot of air because my mind was spinning like a gyroscope. A grin slowly spread across her face.

"So whatcha gonna do now, egghead?" she said, with narrowed eyes. I must have blushed the color of Big Macintosh.

"I... I..." I stammered, still gasping for breath.

"Hmm?" she teased me.

I paused for a moment. "Anything you want, M-Mistress," I finally whispered, smiling demurely. (Holy buck, saying that felt good.)

Her eyes widened and her wings twitched, flexing in tiny pulses. Dash definitely blushed the color of Big Macintosh.

"Heh, um," she said, as nervousness began to creep across her face. "Be careful what you wish for Twi. I might just take every last tiny bit of your sexy, dorky little body for my own."

I breathed in sharply through my nostrils, flaring them, my lips tightly pursed. "If you want to... yes," I said. I probably sounded stupid, but I was as nervous as the first time I gave a public speech in magic kindergarten—and so was she, I think (I mean she was nervous, not that she went to magic kindergarten). We were both ad-libbing on instinct. It was scary, but not in a bad way. It was similar to the experience of being on a roller coaster, except this was much more thrilling.

Rainbow Dash licked her chops, and I saw her fangs poke out just a little. "I really want to bite you, honey," she said. (I've never heard her call somepony "honey" before.) "Like, to taste you. Your blood, I mean. This vampony thing... it's, like, really, really strong."

"I don't have a vampony cure yet, but I can reverse the infection if I'm the one who's infected," I explained. "As long as I don't turn all the way into a vampony, I mean. I don't know if it works if the infection finishes completely, but that can take days. You can do whatever you want."

"Right, but you don't want me to do gross stuff like that... do you?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

"I want you to bite me, Rainbow Dash." (I couldn't have put that any plainer, could I?)

She bit at her own lip instead, and a drop of blood came out. "I want to do it, um..." Her eyes slowly drifted downward toward my pelvis.

I pulled myself further up onto Celestia's bed, and Dash broke her hold on me momentarily. I reached down with my hooves and spread my labia. I was already wet, and even though I wasn't a vampony, I could smell myself. I think I could smell Dash too. And it wasn't gross in the slightest (at least, not to my damaged, all-bucked-up, sex-addled mind).

At that gesture, Rainbow Dash gasped so hard it sounded like she was choking. She began to pant with her mouth open wide (it reminded me of cider season).

"Twi, I'm, um... I can't," she said with a pained look on her face. "If I let myself bite you there, I'm totally changing into a vampony all the way, and then I'll go crazy again like I did in the caverns..."

We looked at each other for several quiet moments, and I think both of us realized we wanted that to happen: to let Dash go full vampony, then let it happen to me too, resistance be damned. But neither of us wanted that on the level of rational, cogent decisions. Fortunately, some small part of my brain was still functioning correctly, and it whirred like an overclocked piece of crystal-powered hardware to find a solution. (Ding!)

"Oh! Here you go," I said, and turned my head to the side. There were some spring-lock clothing hangers sitting atop the nearby dresser. I levitated two of them over, and pinned them on Rainbow's wings. They were a little awkwardly large, but they seemed to work.

"Ow," she complained, with a wince. Then she flexed her wings a little. "Um... I don't think I'm big into pain stuff, Twi. Not yet, anyway."

"It's not for that. The clips are to keep you from transforming all the way into nightwing mode. So you can let your fangs come out," I offered. "But if it hurts, you don't need to..."

I looked up at her, and her eyes (the irises) pulsed a blood-red color. Her fangs pushed well out from her gums, and her muzzle quivered almost like her teeth were chattering.

"You're so fucking hot, Twilight Sparkle," she hissed. "I want you more than anything. Ever. Please, please don't hate me."

"Hate you? I love you, silly." To illustrate, I reached down and again spread my labia, this time spreading my legs as wide as possible, too. (I was aiming for 'unambiguous'.) "Do it, down here," I insisted. "Pop my cherry, Rainbow Dash. Eat me all the way." My voice trembled like an Autumn leaf, but not because I was uncertain. I was more certain of this statement than any phrase that had passed my lips before it.

"Oh, f-f-ffffffuck," Dash whined. She seemed to no longer notice the clips on her wings as she knelt between my spread legs. Hunched up on the bed, she lowered her muzzle to my folds and inhaled deeply. This should have been disgusting, but it wasn't. I wanted her to like every part of me. (Yes, even that part.)

Then, the sexiest thing happened. Our eyes met and locked, right while her face was buried between my legs. She kept staring at me as her tongue lengthened and gently (not roughly, oddly enough—at least at first) slithered along the interior of my rounded pony cleft. Looking at me was turning her on more than looking at my pussy, and it made me feel just like a real princess (which, ironically enough, I never seem to feel like). My heart (metaphorically, of course) totally gave into her. I didn't care if she turned me into a vampony. I just wanted to be hers: a friend, a lover, a toy... and yes, a meal. I wanted to be useful, to make this beautiful mare feel good inside. (You know, she really is gorgeous. I see her sleeping on the bed right now, and I don't know why I never noticed her beauty before.)

She started kissing at my perineum, and she even kissed my anal pucker briefly. (Okay, that was really gross, but it still felt righter than rain. Eww, I guess...? Why doesn't it bother me?) Her kisses began soft and tiny, but the pressure quickly increased. In no time at all, she was sucking on my cunt just like it was another "Twilight Sparkle mouth", an equally passive one.

No, that's not quite true. My pussy was less passive, because it responded. The lips quivered of their own accord, somehow. I'm sure of it. And my clit flashed itself into view, winking at her, like some kind of a perverted Manehattan traffic light screaming "GO" as loud as a visual cue could manage.

Things got rough quickly, but it felt much nicer down there than in my mouth. I'd heard about "eating" genitals before, which seemed a silly euphemism, but here it was almost literal. (Well, actually literal, but I'm getting ahead of myself.) The only part of my sex that she stayed gentle with was my clit, which she would give little licks and very gentle suction to, every so often. Her hooves idly stroked my teats, but she didn't use her mouth on them.

Eventually she started looking down at her task (my groin, I mean), but she still made eye contact with me every now and then, each time bearing this strange, evil-looking grin on her face. As she looked down, then up, then down, then up, I didn't know whether Twilight Sparkle was the pony watching her friend muzzlefuck her, or if I was merely the hole between my legs being ravished. It felt like "me" was both of these things at the same time. It was incredible (and edible—but again, that's coming in a moment).

I gasped very loudly when Rainbow Dash finally clamped her mouth hard around my entire pussy, forming an airtight seal. The sound bubble was still up around the chamber, fortunately, because Dash was getting louder as well. I felt something slender and wet slipping deeply within me, in a place I'd never felt contact with before. She was inside my actual vagina, past the unbroken hymen, her tongue stroking the walls. This elicited an immediate yelp of surprise and pleasure. At some point (not sure when) I had placed my hooves on Rainbow's head, and I was fighting the urge to hold her down against my groin. (Would that switching of roles work for her, or even for me? Or would doing that just be a kind compliment on her performing an amazing job?)

She pulled free with a loud slurp, and I was right on the edge of orgasming. (I have no idea how I kept from orgasming up until this point.)

"Y-you were inside me," I gasped. "That was amazing."

"Do you still, um, want me to... y'know?" The raw need on her face was obvious. She wasn't asking a question. She was begging.

"Take my cherry, please," I asked her. "I want you to have it all, right now. Just do it, and get the pain over with..."

"It doesn't hurt much," she said. "Hardly at all. Oh fuck, Twi, I want to eat it, like, I want to chew up that little virgin arch and swallow..."

"Yes, do it!" I said, nodding vigorously. (In retrospect, this should have been terrifying, but sex makes you lose the ability to cogitate rationally. This is very apparent to me by now. I have a very large set of data points to back up this fact.)

Her irises flashed red again, and she also got this wild, distant look in her eyes. Her head dived back down and she flexed her jaw to reveal fully extracted fangs. Slowly but firmly, Rainbow Dash planted her bottom teeth into the soft arch of my hymen.

If you haven't seen a mare's hymen before (if you're a stallion reading this, I mean, in which case you're probably a horrible pony for continuing to read at this point, and maybe have no business reading graphic sexual descriptions if you're too naive to know about hymens in the first place, but I guess I can't fairly judge): a horse's hymen is a horseshoe-shaped region of flesh with the top of the arch toward the anus (away from the clitorus). So it's normally an upward arch, except I was upside down (i.e. laying on my back) so the arch was oriented on the bottom. Obviously I couldn't see any of what happened next, but I could definitely feel it. Dear Celestia, how could I feel it.

The first thing I noticed was that sharp but gentle poke, followed by pressure from the inside of my vagina. At the time I had no idea what this was, but now I realize that the following was happening: Rainbow Dash had inserted her lower mandibular canines into my hymen, and the pressure was because her tongue had slipped inside to press back against the hymen (from behind it), holding it firmly in place against her fangs. She growled while digging her lower fangs in, and then the pressure subsided (now I realize this was because she retracted her tongue into her mouth). Moments later, her muzzle closed down and pushed entirely into my vulva, and her upper fangs sunk firmly into the lip of the arch opening.

Then, Rainbow Dash began to drink my blood.

I shivered and twitched, but some part of me had the presence of mind to provide feedback. This came in the form of my hind legs tilting upwards to rest around her neck, which helped to hold her in place (not that she had any intent to pull herself out of my pussy, mind you). I leaned up slightly from where I lay and gently stroked her mane with one of my hooves. I'm not sure how I accomplished either of these feats whilst in the throes of passion, but subconsciously my body just automatically responded. I wanted her to know this was right, because it was right. Even though it was sick, it was right. Somewhere in the midst of all the sickness, there was real love. I believe that even now, when I'm not horny. (Well, not super-horny. Writing this out is affecting me a little, I admit.)

My vagina began to tingle, especially my still-intact hymen from which she drained my essence. I knew this sensation: it was the vampony infection, and it was setting in rapidly. The heavy exchange of saliva and blood was giving me a huge dose of the curse. I doubted I would turn into a vampony without warning, but in my mind I imagined it could happen at any moment, because that's what I wanted to imagine.

She started to chew my flesh. Her fangs worried open holes in my cherry, giving her more access to my blood. I don't remember any pain at all at that point, ironically. I don't know if it was the vampony infection, or just the lust of the experience, or maybe if the whole "popping your cherry hurts" mythos is exaggerated; but I felt only a tiny bit of pain at the beginning, and even that was pleasurable. It was like getting a shot at the clinic, but this was a magical shot making everything in the world right—one expressing our love for each other in a strange, highly unsanitary manner.

Rainbow Dash's neck began to worm around slightly, twisting and bobbing as she gently pulled my flesh apart. She pulled free momentarily and looked up to me with a wide-eyed, dangerous-looking grin on her face. There wasn't much blood, but it was very obviously there and she wanted me to see it: dripping from her lips, a little on the middle of her chin, and her beautiful mouth redder than anypony's mouth should ever be.

She paused only long enough to gauge my reaction (shocked, filled with desire, and open for more, I think), then dove her muzzle back inside my and began to chew again. This time there wasn't any holding back. The noises she made were grotesque slurping and soft chewing kinds of sounds like something out of a horror movie (or maybe just a really good hayburger). The tingling was intensifying. I could feel the infection, and I loved it. I wanted to be with her, and I wanted to be like her, even if neither of us wanted to be a vampony. I felt a tugging sensation, and I realized she was literally ripping through the flesh with her fangs. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't clinically precise either. After the initial tearing, she began nibbling more accurately around the rim of what I assumed remained of my hymen. She licked her lips more than once. I'm certain she was swallowing the tiny bits of flesh she removed, and I wasn't even disturbed by it. I don't know why that didn't freak me out. I just wasn't thinking about anything anymore.

Finally, she grabbed my hips with both forehooves, and shoved her tongue in deep, all coiled up so it would feel thick, like a stallion. This was appropriate. Rainbow Dash was my stallion. She sucked against my entire vulva, and I could feel the bulk of her tongue pressing against the ragged edge of my missing cherry as she twisted it inside of me. I hit my climax, and it was absolutely overwhelming, qualitatively different from my other recent orgasms. I didn't "spray" anything, but I screamed and bucked my hips as she tried to hold me in place.

It took several minutes, but Rainbow Dash finally withdrew herself from me, licked her chin and lips with an impossibly long tongue, and lay atop me, face to face.

"I... I hope that was okay," she said, her voice still a bit gravelly from the nightwing nature peeking out from within her. (I could feel her body shivering, and I suspected she just climaxed as well.)

"It was amazing. I love you, Rainbow Dash," I said.

This was probably an exaggeration, I know. I don't even know what love is for certain, and I can't understand how something so deep and important could develop so quickly. It's been like this for each of my friends who became intimate with me (except the CMC). Maybe the love had always been there, hidden? Either way, it felt right, and she didn't try to correct me. Instead, she smiled and shoved her tongue into my mouth, this time allowing it to lengthen and fill my oral cavity to capacity.

I tasted the coppery flavor of my own blood, and revelled in it. With it was mixed a slightly vinegar-like, sour and sweet flavor, which only now I realize must be what my pussy tastes like inside. Or, my, er, "juices", so to speak (okay, that does feel a little gross). Dash was showing me what it was like, what she just enjoyed.

This went on for another minute or two. Then she broke the kiss, and her face was suddenly serious.

"Twi, um, you need to do the thing with the spell, right now. So you can stop the vampony thing. I think eating your cherry was too much for your body, and I can smell your scent changing already..."

"No," I said, as I smiled and looked into Dash's eyes. She looked horrified.

"Don't play me, Twi. Do it, please. You do not want to be a vampony. Trust me on this," she said, shaking her head.

"I want to be like you," I said, grabbing her cheeks with my hooves to stop the shaking. "I don't care what it means."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle, you cast that bucking spell right now," she said. She sounded angry, but the look on her face said "fear". Something in the air did, too—I could smell it. I started to feel a warm tingling all over my pelt.

But she was right, and I cast the spell.

It didn't seem to do anything. The feeling continued to intensify.

"Oh no, I don't think it worked!" I gasped, and began to panic.

Rainbow Dash shriveled back, her eyes watery. "I did this," she squeaked, voice filled with pain and guilt. And it was false, because this was my fault, not hers. I couldn't let this happen to her.

With all my might, I focused every ounce of remaining magical energy through my horn and tried to powercast the spell. (This is when you use brute magical force to get something to work when it shouldn't. It almost never works.) There was a threshold resisting me, and it was mostly a threshold within my mind, one I had created for myself by force of will.

I wasn't about to let Dash suffer for this. I almost blacked out as I finished the spell, and I couldn't see for a few minutes afterwards.

My body had a mild seizure. I could hear Rainbow Dash panicking, and begging me to be okay. The shakes subsided, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The sensations had left my body.

"I... I did it," I gasped. I felt a strong hug from her, and I smiled and hugged her back. "It's okay."

She breathed a sigh of relief of her own. "We shouldn't have done this. We can't do something like this again," she said. "Wait, can you... see me, Twilight?"

"I'm temporarily blind from the spell," I explained. "I should be okay soon."

"Thank the Sun you're alright," she said, and held me tight.

"It's okay," I repeated. "And I'm better than 'alright'. That was the most wonderful experience of my life!"

"Really?!"

I nodded blindly and smiled.

We cuddled for a few hours, both of us dipping into and out of sleep. For me, it was never long enough to start dreaming, but eventually I realized she wasn't going to wake up for a few hours, so I joined her. (After recasting the audio bubble and the sigil to refresh both spells, that is.)

Then I had a very revealing dream, which I'm about to transcribe.

I'm going to leave a full blank page after this article, Journal. I suspect I may want to come back to it and rethink the "sex" thing and what it all means, at some point.

Update: I don't really have more to say that isn't said in future articles, so I'll leave this open for later. Don't stop reading! (This Journal, and also in general, of course.)

TO SAVE YOUR WORLD, I AM MARKING EVERY BLANK SECTION OF THIS BOOK IN A WAY THAT CANNOT EASILY BE UNDONE BY MAGIC

PLEASE STOP READING, IF YOU CONTINUE THEY WILL COME FOR YOU AS WELL

Day 56 (The Dream Summit) (Part 1 of 2)

All that's left to write is the lucid dream from last night. I'm marking it Day 56 even though I slept late so it was probably actually Day 57—it's just much simpler to mark days based on when I sleep and wake, as long as my cycle matches a normal calendar day (a typical diurnal schedule). Not everything needs to be perfectly accurate when the details aren't important, because you can't get anything done if you obsess on the little things too much. Tasks should be handled head-on, first for efficiency, then quality. (Lecture over.)

Context: I don't have any of Zecora's potion with me, so I can't easily sleep without Luna finding me. Before Rainbow conked out, she allowed me to cast a spell on her that would localize her dream-self into a small three-dimensional sphere (not a globe: a three-dimensional sphere is the topological surface of a four-dimensional ball) in a way that might make it harder for Princess Luna to detect her. The topology of the sphere theoretically prevents it from intersecting with other dreams (there are no boundaries because it "wraps-around", so to speak, so there's no "ledge" of sorts upon which a dreamwalker could gain purchase—oh, and I think in the process of crafting the spell I may have come up with a possible solution to the Ponicare conjecture(!), which would be an enormous leap forward in topological mathematics, but that's jumping the gun and has nothing whatsoever to do with vamponies).

Unfortunately, I don't think I can cast the spell on myself while maintaining the sigil and bubble at the same time. Even after reinforcing both of those, I'm pretty sure I'd be in trouble if I pulled my mind out of contact entirely from the physical world. That's essentially what the spell should do for up to twelve hours. (This is why Rainbow Dash is still asleep, I now realize... the spell probably won't end early unless she strongly wills it to. It must be a good dream. Is it wrong to fancy myself with her in her dreams? Yeah, that's probably wrong.)

I also needed genuine REM sleep, so I couldn't refresh myself completely without actually sleeping in a semi-normal fashion. So, I simply attempted to quell my thoughts as I slept, and hoped for the best.

I'm not entirely sure whether what happened qualifies as "the best"...

I drifted in a weightless ether, trying my damndest to suppress my magical senses. Those would be the easiest way for Luna to detect me, and she'd probably be dreamwalking now due to her temporary need for a diurnal schedule.

(You know, Journal, I've occasionally wondered if I should keep a crepuscular schedule, being awake at dawn and dusk I mean, based on my name? Can ponies successfully handle two cycles each day? I don't think we can with dependable symmetry—the best hope would probably be something like almost six hours of sleep in midday and then three to four at midnight. Then we could have a more robust overlap of Equestrian Princess wakefulness. I guess it doesn't matter as long as Luna's awake through most of the evening to monitor for emergencies, because she's easily able to wake both of us up over long distances.)

No, wait. I'm being incredibly hubristic, Journal. Here I am trying to equate myself to Celestia and Luna, and I'm a little foal compared to either of them, both physically AND emotionally/mentally! I don't even understand why I'm a princess, to be honest, even though ascension typically happens when a pony is young—and that in itself is weird, because most EUP ponies' best work happens in middle-age after they've developed life experiences which I have yet to taste. I mean, I can accept it for the other three alicorns currently extant, because all three of them have royal blood and were descended from an alicorn line. I'm not royal by birth in any way. Who am I, really?

Ugh, I'm ruminating again. Never mind. Where was I? Right, the ether.

I had my eyes closed and floated in space, but the world around me got brighter and a little warmer. I started to feel my back accelerating, and then soft grass beneath it. I was completely lucid and somepony else was controlling my dream. I'd already been found. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and rolled over onto my ankles.

Princess Celestia was standing right in front of me.

"Is this some kind of joke, Luna?" I said, standing up and setting a shield in front of me.

I immediately regretted this as soon as I saw Celestia's face. At first I thought she was sad, but then I recognized it as pity. I've never seen that face on her before, which was further proof it wasn't her... But somehow, I knew that it was, anyway. I dropped the shield and lowered my head.

"It's me, Twilight. I understand you've been through a lot lately," she said, making no move to approach.

"How did this happen? Am I even still dreaming?" (I could have easily believed I was awake from my surroundings and senses—this was definitely Luna-quality stuff, albeit brighter and cheerier.)

"Sadly, we are only dreaming, but don't worry. We're safe here," she said, then rested on the grass. Her face had that practiced smile she's so famous for, but I saw a hint of sadness in her eyes—something I wouldn't have been able to detect before this nightmare began, I suspect.

So I sat down with her, a little closer than normal speaking distance. She seemed to like that (said her eyes).

I stated the obvious. "You can keep your sister from finding us."

Celestia nodded. "Yes. I learned long ago how to shroud my dream state from her prying eye," she said. "Not that she would ever intrude upon my privacy, but our relationship once bore certain... stresses." She took a deep breath. For a moment I lay transfixed by her gorgeous, flowing mantle which I hadn't seen in far too long, but then I rapidly shook my head back to reality (well, back to dream-reality, anyway).

"I hope you're doing okay," I said. "This seems a more logical means of communication than needing to draw with blood." I tried to put a hint of concern in my voice, and ended up with a lot. (Oops.)

Celestia smiled a genuine grin. "I'll be fine. I've been through much worse than a little hoof-prick, my faithful student." (Emphasis mine.) Those words made my heart soar. Ever since she'd started treating me as an equal... I don't know, Journal. I think I felt like it was more of a demotion than a promotion. How do I know how I've done? I had so much to learn from her, and she denied this fact at every turn... It isn't fair. I'm so unready for what I have to bear (although in comparison to this extended nightmarish world of vamponies, I think managing a state would be a breeze).

Even amid the turmoil in my mind and heart (figurative, of course—I wasn't having a myocardial infarction or anything... not yet, at least), in the back of my mind I wondered if I was being manipulated it some way. I wouldn't care, if she's trying to save the world and all, but... I've become too wary, Journal. I'm afraid everyone will hurt me now. It's just a sad fact.

"What's the situation?" I asked, getting down to brass tacks. (Crap, I shouldn't have mentioned metals and horse tack. Now I'm thinking about saddles and bridles again.)

"Not good," said Celestia. "I'm being treated very well, and Fluttershy spends about half of her time with me, which is generous given that she seems to be running the Crystal Kingdom all by herself. But my hooves are chained, and I'm wearing a rather primitive ounckse."

"I can't... I can't imagine," I whispered, and now it was my turn to show pity. In my mind, Celestia was—no, IS—everything. She's the best of all of us, and the best in all of us. It is so wrong for her to be brought low. It's an injustice I can hardly fathom is real.

Celestia frowned. "Twilight, we must get one thing straight between us. I am a pony." (Emphasis hers.)

"Well, duh, of... Oh. You mean you're not perfect, or something like that," I realized. "You're still the best pony in three kingdoms, Celestia, and you deserve every bit of adoration your little ponies can give. Everypony looks up to you."

Then, something very unexpected happened. She scooted several centimeters closer to me, took my chin in her hoof, and turned my blushing face toward hers.

"I know, Twilight," she said, very softly. "Even you; even after all this time."

Then I noticed a small tear at the corner of one of her eyes.

Let me be crystal clear on this, Journal. Not only have I never seen Princess Celestia cry before, I've never read about it happening. I didn't know she could cry, even though that sounds ridiculous. I didn't know what to think, but I bit nervously at my lip, trying to recover—trying to find anything to help her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way.... I'm sure you make mistakes just like anypony else," I lied.

Surreptitiously, she turned her head just barely far enough to remove the tear with a flash of magic from her horn, outside of my vision. But at this point, we both knew.

"To bring us back to the topic at hoof, allow me to speak of my situation at length, because I'm out of ideas on my end of things. Then we can talk more about you, which I very much want to do." Princess Celestia removed her forehoof greaves (which I have also never witnessed) and placed her hooves on mine.

I probably blushed like wildfire, but all I could do was squeak out a little, "O-okay."

She nodded, and pulled her hooves back just a little. "I am well cared for, and comfortable. But I am impotent with this cursed relic around my horn. I cannot reach it with my hooves, and my wings lack the strength and leverage to dislodge it. The only items in the room are carpeted walls and flooring, cushions, and blankets. The connected lavatory is equally bare," she explained. "The toilet seat has been glued down. I've tried scraping it against my horn, but the room is small enough that I can't get leverage unless my body is outside, and then the nightwing guard pokes me with a stick. I haven't had a shower in a few days, but that's not much of a complaint. Oh, and I've also been informed by the Bearer of Kindness (Emphasis hers.) that the entire room has a magic barrier around it, so even if I had my magic, it would only work on items within the room itself. Notably, this means I would not be able to teleport out of the room, unless I am being bluffed. I do not think I am being bluffed as I can sense the magic field even with the ounckse in place. I am open to any ideas, but if you have none, we should move to talk about your strategy."

The wheels in my head were turning from the beginning of her speech, and it took all my efforts to keep myself from interrupting—because I had an answer already.

"Use dark magic," I replied the moment she finished saying the word 'strategy'. "If you cast a spell through your eyes with dark magic, it bypasses the ounckse. Teleportation works, but the look and feel of the spell is very different, which is typical for dark magic. In this case, there's no flash or sound, but there's a distinct dark cloud you can see that traverses the distance, and I think the action is slower. Oh, and one warning: it still won't work if somepony is suppressing the horn directly. Apparently the vamponies know how to do just by making hoof-to-horn contact, but I don't know how."

Princess Celestia opened her muzzle wide enough to fit a wedge of cake within it, then closed it a few seconds later. I stared nervously at her until she finally spoke.

"For the idea, you amaze me as always, Twilight. I never thought to attempt dark magic with a non-dark spell, partly because it is inherently dangerous," she said. "I had no idea it were even possible. As for the horn suppression... I do understand, but I cannot inform you of what I know."

"What? Why?" I asked. I'm sure the hurt was apparent in my face. "Don't you trust me, Princess?"

Celestia reached out and petted the side of my mane (I didn't actually realize this was somewhat affectionate until I awoke—I was kind of numb at the time—and I don't mean 'Celestia was hitting on me' for goodness' sake, because that is beyond ridiculous, and I am most definitely not thinking about it right now either).

"Twilight Sparkle, I trust you almost as much as I trust my own sister; and in some ways, even more. Never have I had a friend as loyal and trustworthy as you, and perhaps I have betrayed that trust, which pains me," she said. "Trust is not the reason I am keeping this information from you."

Being called a friend resonated with me inside in ways I can't describe. I think... I think I've never actually felt like Celestia was my friend, and I'm not sure why.

"But why must you keep it secret?" I asked. "Can you at least tell me that?"

Princess Celestia took a slow, deliberate breath before speaking. "When all of this is over, it will be essential to remove everypony else's memories of the horn suppression technique. The reason I don't want to tell you is that I don't want to remove any of your memories. There's a small chance of nearby memory loss," she explained. "Perhaps, after therapy, you will decide you want to lose some memory of this time period, and if you do, I can accept that. But you've proven yourself a very strong little pony, dear Twilight, time and time again. I hope you can learn to accept things and learn from these experiences. Over time, the pain will lessen, I can promise you that. And I will do what I can to ease it."

Again, she placed her hooves on mine.

It was motherly. Wasn't it? It had to be. I shouldn't even be ruminating about it now that she can read all of the horrible shit I've done. I don't want her to see me fantasizing about her or something. (I'm not, I swear it, Princess Celestia. I love you too much to do that to you.) Anyway, I'm getting ahead of events now, so back to the transcription, with hopefully less ad-libbing on my part.

I let her hooves remain there, and I probably blushed, but I still felt hurt. "Do you really think it's unsafe for me to know? I don't understand how if you trust me—"

"Twilight, it is unsafe for ANYPONY to know. (Strong emphasis hers.) I have put a tremendous amount of effort across long centuries to ensure that this knowledge will not be brought to light again. Not after what happened with Nightmare Moon. I had to suppress the knowledge in my own sister, Twilight. The very moment she returned. My own sister," she said, and her muzzle was twitching. "The fewer ponies that know, the safer we all are. I once had to rid this knowledge from the entire populous of Equestria. Hundreds of thousands of ponies, back then, and countless books. It took nearly a century to pin it down completely, and even then, loose ends remained for another two or three centuries."

"Is... this why you fought with her?" I asked, and immediately regretted it, even though she didn't react. It simply was not my place to ask.

"Partly, yes. Too many problems had resulted from this knowledge. Somepony even tried to kill me in my sleep over it—not my sister, mind you. Knowing is a terrible burden, and it should be mine alone. Only I deserve this weight upon my withers."

"I... I had no idea," I said, and thought better of correcting her about the 'deserving' thing, even though it was probably the wrongest thing ever to have emerged from that delicate mouth.

"Of course," said Princess Celestia.

"Didn't she care for your safety?" I asked.

"That was actually the problem. She cared more about the secret than I did—I wanted to keep it public knowledge, and she was the one who said we should suppress, especially after the attempt on my life. Only after Nightmare Moon's banishment did I realize my sister had been right all along. I waited until the war with the changeling hivelands, and then I did what needed to be done."

I said nothing in response. My former mentor's face was blank, but I knew it was eating her from the inside out. I'm starting to suspect this thing is still with her after a millennium, and she might not be completely rational regarding the consequences of her actions. I know I'm not exactly rational now, and I'm starting to think that this poor, beautiful alicorn mare has suffered more than I have... and for a much longer period.

And what happens if these experiences scar me like those scarred her? What if one of my closest friends were to die because of something I did, or didn't do? I, I don't...

Dammit, I have to stop thinking about this.

"Between that, and that changeling beast who... who raped her in her dreams," she said, her muzzle puckered with anger, nostrils flared. "She ended up going entirely mad, and gave herself to the darkness. Jealousy had little to do with it, but myths are usually sanitized versions of the truth, and that was the only story I could think to tell my little ponies that might allow them to one day forgive her for what she had done."

Just for a moment, her eyes flashed like fire—then it faded completely.

"Never, ever, tell Luna I informed you of that. Please," said Princess Celestia, who suddenly looked very vulnerable. "I did not want anypony to know this, and though I may yet hide things from you, I admit that you are one of my only confidants, Twilight."

I shook my head no. Besides, how could I tell anypony the truth? It was me. I'm the one who violated her, in that time-looped dream—I'm almost positive! I actually didn't realize this until I woke up, probably because I wouldn't have been able to continue the discussion while saddled with this much guilt. And now that she has the link to the completed iteration of this book, Celestia will read the truth I didn't tell her in person, and...

No. You know what? It's fine. This, this thing... will be okay. I know she'll forgive me, because I had practically no choice in the matter. Maybe she'll hate me for a century or two, but I'll probably deserve it, and I'd be fine if that happened if it meant we'd found a way to survive this terrible situation.

Wait a moment. Stars above, did I actually start a war? Oh dear Celestia, it hurts to even imagine...

I don't know w

No, I have to stop writing about this now. I can't do this. I'll come back in an hour, and try to finish then.

Day 56 (The Dream Summit) (Part 2 of 2)

My rest took about a half-hour. I think I'm okay now. I'm well enough to write, at least. I've had no choice in most of what I've done recently, and I've probably endured far better than most ponies would in my position. I'm just going to keep that stupid self-blaming crap out of mind for now.

Oh, I have one minor correction to the previous part of this entry. I just remembered: I have seen Princess Celestia cry before(!), but only in a vision. She shed tears both during and after the fight with Nightmare Moon, which I was able to witness by using Zecora's praeteritum potion. Nopony would be able to hold back tears in a situation like that, not even her, so that's completely understandable. But last night, for her to nearly cry just because I look up to her? I don't understand. I don't think I'm a disappointment, so maybe I just haven't picked up on some social signal(s) she's been sending me? Even though I'm not good at noticing those sorts of cues, Celestia is very subtle in how she expresses opinions and emotions, so she'd be presenting me with a high degree of difficulty even if I were somepony with a lifetime of practice in that kind of thing. (Zecora is much easier to read, by contrast, even though I look up to her in a similar way. Well, looked up to (past tense). Ugh... no, that's too sad. I still look up to her, Journal. I just don't see why she hasn't resisted the enemy, though the same could be said of my friends and family.)

A lot of what follows (below) provides good insight into what Celestia thinks of me, but I haven't been able to decipher it yet. There's no use in speculating on that front because it'll just frustrate me, and I can't know for certain unless she up and tells me. (I know you're reading this Celestia, and you don't need to tell me if you don't want to, but you're always welcome to.)

Someday, hopefully, I'll get to know the real Princess Celestia—if there truly is a side to her I've been missing. I'm even starting to think she wants that to happen. Just, probably not anywhere near as much as I do.

Okay, back to the transcription.

"Twilight, are you alright?" asked Princess Celestia.

I nodded (unconvincingly, I'm sure). "I just have a lot of... thoughts. I'm sorry, this is way off topic."

As soon as I said that, Celestia did something that made me instantly forget the regret that was overwhelming me (which is why I didn't have a full emotional meltdown in the dream, like I did while writing about it).

Princess Celestia leaned over to me and kissed me on the cheek.

My jaw dropped, and I felt my cheeks burning. It was motherly, I told myself, because it was motherly. But it was highly distracting. Shocking, even. (Okay, fine—it was super-duper-mega-flabbergasting.)

"I appreciate all you've gone through, Twilight. I'm so sorry you've had to grow up so quickly," she said softly, with a slight grimace to her muzzle. "I have already asked far too much of you."

"N-no," I whispered nervously back, and lowered my head, afraid to meet her gaze for any longer.

"Neigh, I have. I've pushed you too hard to be independent when you needed me to be a friend, and I believe it's mainly because I've been afraid of getting close to you," she said. "There are old wounds deep within my breast, and even now the scar tissue pulls me away from other ponies. I needed you to research friendship in Ponyville and report to me because I don't know if I fully understand it anymore. Most everypony I've ever known has passed away, and without Luna... it was almost too much to bear." (For a moment, I thought I should ask about the damage to her internal fascia, but then I realized she was speaking metaphorically about "scar tissue". Derp.)

I looked back up, with wet eyes. "I'm sorry, Princess." (That's all I could think to say.)

"It's fine," she said, petting my mane again. "We should return to the unpleasant matters at hoof. Once we've made things right again, we can talk about... these other feelings." She smiled warmly.

I nodded rapidly and looked away from her face. "Right, right. Okay, let's see. I'm currently hiding in your bedchambers, with the doorway magically locked and a force bubble around the room to prevent the vamponies from hearing or smelling us. Oh, and we both used your toothbrush and I'm really sorry about that."

"We, both?" she asked, raising a brow.

"Oh! I guess I forgot to tell you: Rainbow Dash is with me. She's a vampony, but I managed to get her under control, and she's okay now. She's one hundred percent on our side," I said. I was probably blushing again. I sure as hell wasn't going to tell her the details (not that it matters, now... again, I'm sorry you have to read this, Celestia).

"Very good. I'm not surprised she's held out this long. Rainbow Dash is remarkably dependable, as I recall. Her abilities will be vital to our side of this conflict," said Celestia. "Do the two of you have any plans?"

"No, we're still j-just friends... Wait, I mean," I said, then my eyes widened as I realized she wasn't asking about that thing. I mean, she didn't even know about that thing. She probably wouldn't approve of it, either. After all, aren't princesses supposed to marry princes and have heirs together? That's kind of how it works, right?

"OhsorryIlostmyheadthere—" I said, a little too loudly and much too quickly.

Celestia interrupted me, "It's fine. Please continue." Then she smiled.

I nodded and smiled sheepishly, cheeks still warm. I hope I wasn't blushing as much as I felt like I was. "Ahem. Right now, the only dependables whom I know for certain are on our side are Rainbow Dash and Spike. I still don't know quite where Pinkie Pie and Zecora stand, and I don't know if Spike will be able to last much longer in Ponyville, which is why I initially asked him to head out. He's been seeing Rarity even though he knows she's a vampony, and I think the only reason she hasn't bitten him is that she doesn't know dragons can be vamponies yet."

"Dragons can be infected?" said Celestia, with an unmistakeable look of surprise on her face. "Are you certain, Twilight?"

"I think so, yes. When he was exposed to the, what did Apple Bloom call it...? Oh, right: mudblood. That's what the vamponies call the hoofgoo—I think I mentioned it in one of my letters. But his body reacted to it, so I'm pretty sure he can be turned. Zebras can, too. Almost certainly crystal ponies can, which might explain the odd light refraction you witnessed in your guards."

Celestia swallowed visibly. "If the vampony nature affects dragons, this goes far beyond a virus or a even a magical curse. Ponies and dragons have radically different biology, and most spells which involve the mental state of a pony won't affect a dragon, and vice versa. This is a deep form of magic, one well outside of even my experience," she said. "Have you asked Spike to come to the Crystal Kingdom?"

"I did, yes. He should be on the way there now, unless something went wrong."

"The trains here were stalled while I was held under false arrest, but now that I'm a captive they might start running again," she speculated. "It's important that he find a way to disguise himself, if at all possible. His arrival in the Crystal Kingdom could very well turn the tide in this cold war."

"Yeah, he probably does need to disguise himself. He's the most conspicuous pony I know, if you get the slight joke," I said, with a dry chuckle. "He's very clever for his age, though. I'm sure he'll try to lay as low as possible. Once he arrives in the Crystal Kingdom, he should easily be able to lead a revolt to free you—especially if Princess Cadance is still here in Equestria."

Princess Celestia nodded. "Well, I certainly hope this comes to pass. What about yourself and Rainbow Dash?" she asked. "By which I mean, do you two have any plans of your own to help defeat the dark influence holding your brother prisoner?" (I'm not sure why Celestia felt like she needed to clarify that.)

"I haven't decided what would be best for Dash to do. At present, I intend to kidnap my brother and lecture some sense into him," I said. "I don't think it will work, but there aren't many realistic options left at this point."

Celestia narrowed her eyes in thought. "I'm not certain a direct confrontation is wise, Twilight. I think we should go public with information on the vamponies. If you could get to one of the printing presses and convince a few nobles that the problem exists, this infestation would be front page news. The vamponies would most certainly lose the upper hoof. My sister, sadly, still frightens many for what she did in another era entirely, so her hold on the crown would be tenuous even in my absence." A touch of sadness graced her muzzle.

"I'd thought of going public, but wouldn't it lead to outright war? I... I really don't want ponies to suffer for this, Princess..."

"I don't think it will lead to war, no. There can't be many vamponies among the populace, given how secretive their transformations need to be. In order to safeguard their secret, they would surely focus on infecting ponies in positions of power. They cannot recruit very quickly, and even with their dark powers they would be no match for the populace of Canterlot. It's neigh-certain they would surrender outright, should it come to open conflict. This becomes less certain as valuable time slips through our hooves."

"Positions of power, like the printing presses," I countered. "Which is why I'm reluctant to try to penetrate the areas they're more likely to have eyes in. But yes, I know they've already pulled back on their plans for world domination because they were having a hard time getting vamponies turned from the nobility to hide the telltale signs. I don't think this was well thought-out at all—my brother and the nightwings have been thinking with, well, with their balls, so to speak. Cold logic remains the one clear advantage we still have over them."

"Social logic is quite unlike mathematical logic, Twilight. Those with twisted intents have their own breed of logic, and they will stop at nothing to force you to see things from their perspective," said Celestia. "But I do know about the pull-back on plans. That's about as far as I've gotten in your Journal," she said.

I made a curious face. Curiosity became confusion. Confusion became surprise. Surprise became horror. Celestia waited very patiently through it all.

"HOW?" I belted, my hooves shaking. "Oh, Princess, please, please don't read—"

Her magic forcibly closed my muzzle, which was extremely rude, but given the circumstances, I suppose I can understand.

"Twilight, relax. It is okay. As I've said before, and asked you to commit to memory: all is forgiven," she said. "And I do mean anything. Even murder, or torture, or rape. I have significant doubts you could do such things, but you have been pushed to extremes, and I need you here, with me, not ruined by guilt."

I tried in vain to move my lips. I wanted to say, "can't you let me summarize the important details", but she still held fast. (She seemed to know the question was coming.)

"As for why I am reading it, I need as much information as possible. I have nothing else to do here in my holding room, anyway."

She finally released my muzzle, and I gasped. I'm not sure when I started crying, but I wiped some tears away with a forehoof. "How is this even possible? Wait, is this about the synecdoche link?"

"Yes. I currently have a copy of your journal stored within my mind. I cannot absorb it all at once, so I am still in the process of 'reading', so to speak," she explained. "It might even be possible for me to write in the book through the same link."

"Can you magically read and write without the use of your horn?" I asked. "You couldn't have read that much of the journal before they put the ounckse on."

Celestia nodded. "I am maintaining the link internally, even with the ounckse on, which surprised me—but the journal you are writing is intrinsically magical, which I mean to discuss with you in a bit," she said. "You are correct about the timing, and it's something I feel very foalish about. They moved me to a locked room, and I entered the room because I wasn't concerned about being able to get away. I could easily teleport outside the castle entirely at the first sign of trouble, and I was certain that neither Princess Luna nor Princess Cadance was anywhere within the bounds of the Crystal Kingdom."

"I've underestimated them several times myself," I said. "They're surprisingly powerful."

"They have access to strong forms of magic that I don't fully understand. They were able to put some sort of a teleportation barrier around the entire room. When they tried to hit me with a tranquilizer dart, instead of shielding myself I simply attempted to teleport outside the castle." Celestia's face did little to hide her anger, which was undoubtedly self-directed.

"We had no way of knowing what we were up against," I said. "I didn't even know anti-teleportation fields existed until now. I'm not certain how those would function..."

Celestia sighed. "Well, what's done is done. My point is that I had a chance to form the link shortly after they moved me to the new room, but before my magic was blocked. After I formed the link, I wrote the message to you with the... 'unusual' ink. They caught me sending it, tranquilized me, and I woke with this accursed thing on my horn."

"Hmm. Well, if you can write in my journal even with the ounckse on, we should be able to safely communicate that way," I said. "Dreams are fine, but you have to go to sleep first."

"Unfortunately, we can't. There's something highly unusual about your journal. I'm able to see further in the book than you've written," she revealed. "To avoid any temporal paradoxes, I can't write to you through the book. Also, things in the book seem to have been amended and changed, so you must not tell me anything about where specific information is located in the book currently."

I rolled my eyes. "Great, another time paradox. You know, I'll bet ten-to-one that my journal is the most convoluted and confusing diary in the history of Equestria," I said. "But beyond that—and, of course, all of the awful horrors it contains—I'm not sure what would be so unusual about it?"

Princess Celestia paused for a moment before speaking. "Twilight, you've tapped into an enormous font of magical energy with this diary. I detected it the moment I cast the link, and I'm actually surprised the version of the journal you hold isn't radiating magic like a beacon, so whatever causes this effect has yet to happen. I'm not entirely certain how you end up doing this, but I suspect your extreme emotional state and raw magic talent have something to do with it," she said. "Unfortunately, this makes your journal extremely dangerous. Do you know what a combinatorial totem is, Twilight?"

I furrowed my brow in thought—this was definitely terminology I had never encountered before. "Well, I know what a mana totem is," I said. "Sunset Shimmer explained it to me. When she first entered the universe of the Rainbow People, the diary she was using to communicate with you changed in form to look more like your version of the diary. The fact that she was able to use it in a mirror-world meant it had to become a copy of something from Equestria—because it was intrinsically magical, and that kind of magic didn't exist in the other world. So it changed from being a two-way pair of books to a single book existing in two separate worlds. It still worked the same way, though."

Princess Celestia nodded. "Yes, that's the idea. Any item which is inherently magical and spans multiple worlds is a totem. These are rare objects, which is one reason why I haven't spoken about this topic before now," she said. "Now, a combinatorial totem is rarer still. It is a device with so much inherent magical energy that it begins to replicate itself in adjacent worlds, without first visiting them physically," she said. "Until now, this was only theoretical—although I suspect Star Swirl was using one that he never shared with me. The deeper the font* within the item, the more worlds it will appear in. At some point, your journal will become a combinatorial totem, and an incredibly powerful one at that."

(* = Okay, I can't stop laughing at the book having a magical font in it! Font? Book? You get it, right? Hmph. I bet none of my friends will laugh, except maybe Pinkie Pie, who will undoubtedly laugh for the wrong reasons.)

I paused in thought. "You're saying that people in other universes are going to read about all of the horrible things I've done," I said, sighing. "Well, that's that. It's extremely dangerous and will horrify ponies from other universes. I have to destroy it immediately."

"No, Twilight. Do you remember what I said about the time paradox?" said Celestia, very gently, as she lay a hoof on my thigh. "I'm afraid it is too late to destroy the book."

I buried my face in my hooves and tried not to cry. "This, this isn't fair!" I whined, my voice cracking. "I don't deserve..."

"Shh. It's okay," whispered Celestia, and she held me close, pulling me to her side with her wing. (You know, Journal, that's the only possible thing that could have comforted me at that moment, and only Celestia herself could have done it... and she did. So I shed a few tears, but they dried quickly.)

I sniffed a few times. "Do I deserve this?" I asked, my voice a whisper. I looked up into those beautiful magenta eyes of hers (her eyes are extremely similar to Dash's; not sure why I've never noticed that before), hoping for something to make sense of everything, begging for absolution...

Princess Celestia tucked my muzzle under her chin. "Twilight Sparkle, you most definitely do not deserve this. Nopony deserves this, and you deserve it less than anypony I know, ironically enough. I only wish I could help you to realize your self-worth..." She sighed deeply before continuing, "Yet, things are what they are. Because your journal will become a combinatorial totem in the future, the synecdoche link must have copied the final form of the journal into my mind. I am seeing your journal as it must end up becoming, once everything in the journal has been written."

"Well, shit. Oh! I, I didn't mean, um..." Wow. I just said 'shit' to Princess Celestia. Shit.

"Shit indeed, Twilight. Shit indeed," came Celestia's unexpected rejoinder, topped with a little smirk. (I couldn't help but chuckle, which I assume was her goal.) "Un-princess-like crassness aside—which, by the way, I heartily recommend to any princess, in non-diplomatic moments—it may be possible to track down the copies in other universes and destroy them. Your book will provide a direct link to each adjacent universe, even though there may be an overwhelming number of them. So if it's important enough to you, once our crisis has passed I would be happy to help you eradicate the story from reality."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, then paused with my mouth open. "Wait. What would happen if the vamponies had possession of this kind of thing? They already have magic we don't fully understand. Even if you've never told her, I'm pretty sure Princess Cadance could figure out what a combinatorial totem is just by probing the book."

Celestia's eyes widened, and she rubbed her forehead with the back of a hoof. "You are correct, as usual. I hadn't considered that possibility until now. The journal might allow them to open a portal to other worlds, which could put ponies living in other universes at dire risk. This is not an acceptable outcome, even should we fail in our task."

"But I can't destroy the journal. So... I guess I can hide it?" I asked, trying my best to brainstorm.

"That would be good, but you'd need to forget where you hid it, if we're planning for the contingency where we lose. I'd rather not plan for that contingency at all, because it will increase the psychological barrier which continues to chip away at your resistance. Not to mention mine."

I raised my head. "I shall not give up, Princess. I will be on your side always, no matter what."

"Try 'Celestia'," said Celestia. (I might have blushed.)

"Yes, Celestia," I said, and I cleared my throat. "But I can promise you that I will neither forsake you, nor my friends. No matter how convincing the vamponies become, I will never bow to them."

"Well, not permitting yourself to consider arguments rationally might be unhealthy. Don't push... wait," said Celestia, lifting a bare hoof near my face (those still look odd to me, though it's interesting—if unsurprising—that she's perfectly manicured beneath those greaves; but then again, it's just her dream persona).

"What is it?"

"There's a simpler way we can stop them from using the book as a link to other worlds. The link shouldn't work unless somepony in another world reads through the entire journal," she said. "It's only Twilight's Journal if the entire book ends up in at least one pony's mind, as it is right now in mine."

"Well, that's already implausible," I said, shaking my head. "I can barely read through it, and I wrote the damn thing."

"You would be surprised at the filth some ponies will read," said Celestia. "Myself included, to be completely honest." (Note: I have NO idea what that means, and I'm not interested in speculating at the moment.) "We need a way to convince ponies to stop reading, or else to skip a chapter, or even just a sentence."

"There's already a lot of boring parts. I'm not exactly a good writer, I know," I admitted.

"You're not all that bad, actually. I'll give you some tips later, like showing versus telling," said Celestia. "Let's see... Maybe you could tell readers to skip over a small entry? That seems unlikely to work, but we should employ as many strategies as possible."

"Sure, I can try that. There's a lot of empty space at the beginning of the journal. I left a huge gap right at the start when I forgot to write anything for more than a week, so I could go back and fill things in. I never did, though. It took a while to get into the habit of writing," I said.

"Hold on. Twilight, there aren't any gaps longer than..." said Celestia, and then she winced. "Ah, of course. That would explain why Day 7 doesn't look like any of the other entries."

I scrunched up my muzzle and squinted (as though it might help me think, I suppose). "Celestia, there isn't a Day 7 in the journal. There's a Day 10 or 11, I think, but the only single-digit days are Days 0 through 2. I'm certain of it."

Celestia shook her head. "Apparently there will be a Day 7, and somepony else will write it. We must stop talking about these kinds of details or we're going to bind ourselves into tightening temporal knots that could reduce our odds of success. I'll try to come up with a way to confuse or frighten ponies who read the journal. I might be able to mark the empty spaces magically, and if it works it should embed the message in every copy of the journal."

"Sounds like a plan. What do I do about Day 7?"

"Don't write it, but just assume it exists after Day 2. You can be certain it will contain a white lie or two."

"I don't even know if this is necessary. I mean, if this dialogue I'm writing ends up in the 'final cut', wouldn't somepony have to be a complete idiot to keep reading the story?" I asked.

"Ponies can be very foalish, Twilight. They'll probably think it's a joke, or a game, or something of that sort. If they reach this point in your journal, it's probably already too late to stop them."

"Now, wait just a minute," I said, holding up a hoof. "If you keep reading the journal, you'll see how it ends. That could tie us into a particular ending. If you read that we lose the battle, you could give up hope. That seems like a really bad idea."

"Not necessarily. It's plausible that we may win, and then amend the journal to make it appear that we'd lost," said Celestia. "That's correctable."

I nodded tiredly, and yawned. "Mmph. Can you be tired in a dream?" I asked, even though the answer was obviously yes. "I think I'm starting to lose focus."

"You can exhaust yourself in a dream when it's this lucid, yes," said Celestia. "We've been working hard on our plans, and perhaps it's time we rest. I will keep you safe from Luna, and you can rest next to me. If you like, of course."

"Sure. Can... could we do this every night?" I asked. I was tired, and I think I meant 'keep me safe from Luna', but there might have been a touch of 'I want to be close to you every night' in there. (I wasn't thinking straight at the time.)

Before I knew what to think, 'day' was 'night', and Celestia had cuddled me close under one wing. "We can," she whispered, "but it would be safer if you could avoid dreaming altogether. It was just good fortune I found you before Luna did."

And then, we slept. Er, double-slept, I guess.

Note: I'm really glad you can't smell somepony's arousal in a dream. (Well, I kind of hope you can't... or at least, that it's not that automatic there in the way real life is.) I wasn't 'turned on' really, even though I felt that way. This was platonically incredible, and somehow that tickled me down there because of all the perversion I've been exposed to. I just felt like Celestia... like, she truly loved me, for the very first time.

(And now, I'm crying onto the page, but it's okay. They're not sad tears.)

I've never had a better night's sleep in my life, even though my eyes were crusty with tears when I finally woke, several hours ago.

Before I attempt to resimulate the experience with Celestia by cuddling up next to an adorable slumbering pegasus, I need to theorize. I probably shouldn't be writing about this if knowing the answer is really such a "terrible burden", but if I could figure it out with the available evidence already, then Princess Celestia would have simply told me because that would be the only way to protect the secret. So it must be something I'm very unlikely to guess on my own.

Horsefeathers. I can't resist a challenge.

Here's a checklist of facts:

* Celestia said the secret was "a simple fact"

* It's a secret about unicorns (and maybe alicorns, etc.)

* It has the potential to destroy (or at least harm) society

* It led to somepony trying to murder Celestia (yikes!)

* Some of Celestia's censorship was to protect the secret

* Some of the taboos Celestia made were for the same reason

* It's related to (or explains) manual suppression of magic

* I've only witnessed earth ponies doing that (so far)

* The other taboos and censorship were about sex

If it's truly a simple fact, how could it be Equestria-shattering? I hate to say this, but my best hypothesis is that this is something minor, and Celestia thinks it's major because it's tied subconsciously to what she went through with her sister. She did suffer for at least a millennium, after all. (Sorry Princess Celestia, but the facts do seem to point in this direction.)

My best guess is that the secret is "earth ponies can do something weird with manumancy that blocks unicorn spells". Earth ponies have better manumantic magic than unicorns or pegasi, and maybe they can create some kind of an anti-magic field around their hooves. That sounds ridiculous, but it can't be far from the correct answer. (It could also explain the taboo about touching horns, though that's probably more of a sex thing.)

But here's the problem: if that's the secret, it's nowhere near "dangerous" to society! I don't think even a grieving Celestia would care about something that unremarkable, and it certainly wouldn't lead to somepony trying to kill her, for Sun's sake. It isn't like earth ponies want to conquer the unicorns or anything, and even if they did, it wouldn't matter. If an earth pony is close enough to somepony to grab them by the horn (and actually wants to kill them), that unicorn would have their neck snapped in a split-second anyway.

Dammit. There's something on the tip of my brain that isn't coming out. It's something about unicorns, something obvious I've written about recently... I just know there's a simple bit of evidence that I'm forgetting. Maybe my subconscious is trying to prevent me from realizing it? Maybe it really is some horrible, devastating secret, and I have a mental block inside me...?

Eh, I'm doubtful. I'm betting at least three-to-one (second bet in the same journal entry, but another safe one) that this falls into the category of, "not a big deal at all, but it probably helps society be more civil if nopony knows, just like the sex and biology stuff Celestia also suppressed."

Well, that's more than enough hoof-wringing and head-scratching for now. It's time to stop overthinking stuff that doesn't matter, and time to go hold a good friend close to my heart. I'll worry about the "convince ponies to stop reading a story that nopony in their right mind would read in the first place" thing later.

Addendum: fuck. The bubble spell must have come off while I was crying. The sigil still holds, we didn't make any noise (well, apart from Dash's snoring), and I recast the bubble just now, so we're probably safe.

Addendum number two: Guess again.

Day 57 (Many Questions; Few Answers)

Things are... bad.

Basically, the worst possible thing has happened (as Rarity would say; I find myself occasionally using her expressions (by accident) now, which feels rather bizarre). Nonetheless, I hold out hope for a miracle or two.

In the interim, I'm being encouraged to write—no, scratch that. There's no need to pre-reveal anything. Here's what happened, with all the gory details...

Right after the last entry, I got back in bed and cuddled up to Rainbow Dash. Apparently, she was only pretending to sleep. The moment I wrapped two legs and a wing around her, she spun around and pinned me down in place on the bed. Yeah, I kinda liked it, I'll admit. I had to struggle to open my other wing out flat. (It wanted to be open. Ahem.)

"Whatcha gonna do now, egghead?" she asked. (She probably wanted the same answer as before.)

I reached up with my muzzle, and kissed her gently on the lips.

Her wings twitched, and she blushed like crazy. (I was pretty sure that was as rubicund as a cyan-colored pegasus could possibly blush.) Then, a sentimental-looking smile slowly crossed her muzzle. She was happy. Like, happy in the way that can make you cry, you know? And that made me happy. A big part of me wanted to stare up into her Celestia-like eyes forever, even though I was afraid she was going to cry on me at any moment.

"Twi?" Dash said, very gently.

"Yeah, Dashie? Er, wait. Why did I just—"

"No, that's good. I like 'Dashie'. With you, I mean. That's what Pinkie calls me..."

"I've heard you correct her..." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I stopped eventually. I realized it meant something important, about being friends I mean. Being informal like that, it's like saying 'I know you really well, and you're awesome, so I want other ponies to know that I know you'," said 'Dashie' (giggle—sorry, it's just so cute, even now that everything's gone completely to shit). "Anyway, I just wanted to say, even as boned as we are right now because of the vampony stuff, I've never been happier in my life. I'm really, really glad all this mess happened—no, I mean I would be, if it hadn't been so awful for you, with the parents raping and..." She looked terrified. "I shouldn't have said anything, Twi! I'm sorry—"

I shushed her. "It's okay, Dash—Dashie. I'm actually happy everything happened too, despite the horror of it all," I said. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe it's even worth being raped by my parents just to be able to be closer to my friends. It's almost worth it just to see that silly smile on your beautiful face."

I was wrong. The blush deepened even further. I've never seen a redder pair of cheeks, Journal, not even on Big Mac. It was amazing to behold (except I was honestly afraid she was about to pass out or have an aneurysm). It only lasted a few seconds, fortunately.

"Twi, look. I... I feel that way too, but it's... it's more than friendship to me, right now," she said, looking at the tip of my horn to avoid looking me in the eyes. "I feel some pretty strong, um, feeling-stuff."

"Emotions?"

"Yeah, those things. I know it's not fair to you, because you still probably just see me as a friend and all, but..." Her voice trailed off to a whimper, and she released her hold on my forehooves.

I put my forehooves on her face, and pulled it lower to force eye contact. "Rainbow Dash, I love you, too. I think I love you in pretty much every way the word 'love' could mean to a pony," I said. "The only problem is that I feel this way toward other ponies too, and I don't know how to figure out who I'm, you know, supposed to love. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a colt—stallion, I mean—so I can have foals, but I don't know anymore. I could easily spend the rest of my life with you and be happier than I've ever been, but what if I feel that way about Applejack, too?" I grimaced, and sighed.

Dash sat up on the bed and stroked my cheek with the side of her hoof. "Yeah, I know. I guess the vamponies just up and force you to love some random pony, which is a terrible idea, but at least there's no confusion," said Dash. "I think I love AJ too, sometimes. I don't know. I'm as inexperienced as you are at facing these kind of feelings head-on, maybe even less experienced."

I sat up as well, then shook my head. "The vamponies seem to allow love between any two ponies, whether or not they're, um, 'matched'. It's almost like they love everypony," I said. "Maybe... maybe they're wrong, but I don't see why you can't love more than one pony. I mean, there's a limit as to how much time you have to spend with other ponies, but does living with one pony mean you can't love another pony too?" I shrugged. "Maybe you could even live in a group... no, I'm sure all this perversion is keeping me from thinking rationally. Something like that is probably unfeasible."

"It's hard to resist, Twi. I think..." Rainbow Dash closed her eyes. "Don't ever tell anypony this, but I need... 'love'. I think I might be part changeling, actually."

I stifled a giggle, but immediately regretted it.

"Hay, I'm not joking!" said Dash, with an angry frown. "Look, I know it's stupid, but knowing somepony cares about you... it's just... it's just super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing, you know? If being a vampony means more of that, I dunno. It's hard to fight it, Twi. It has nothing to do with the sex, even though that's awesome too. It's the idea of belonging. Together," she said, placing her hoof on mine.

It sounded almost like a proposition, the way she said it. A proposition to join the vamponies. Leg in leg. Together.

Dear Moon above, it would have been hard to say 'no' if the words had actually come out of her mouth. Maybe I'd have said 'yes', even. But... I doubt it. I owe too much to Pr—I mean, to Celestia, and Spike, and all my other friends, and even the whole of Equestria, to give up on them now.

Holding up a rebellion entirely by myself is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. No comparison. I don't know how I'm still doing it.

I didn't get a chance to ask Dash for a clarification, because right after she said that somepony knocked on the door. The door was adjacent to the bubble, so the knocking was audible. I'd need to drop the bubble to reply, and I had no idea what I should do next.

"HORSESHIT!" said Dash. "How...?"

"I think the bubble was down for a few minutes by mistake, maybe that's all it—" I began, then stopped myself. That data was not relevant, and we needed to think fast.

"Listen very carefully to me," I said, and after a rapid nod, I received the most intense stare I've ever seen.

Then I took a deep breath and began to speak while I was still organizing the thoughts in my mind, but I'm pretty good at that sort of thing (mild brag).

"I need you to do two things. First, make sure Spike gets safely to the Crystal Kingdom. He's almost certainly in Canterlot now. When the trains start running again, Spike will probably be on the first one," I said.

"Got it," she replied.

"Second, go public. Find a newspaper that hasn't been vamponified—I mean the editor, obviously—and tell them everything you can about the vamponies. Don't tell them who is a vampony, except that some are royalty. You're famous here, Dash, and they'll listen to you. Once the veil is lifted, they'll be forced to negotiate with us," I said.

She swallowed hard. "Okay. That it?"

The knock on the door came again, followed by a voice that sent chills down my spine (of the figurative sort). It was my brother.

"Tw—Twilight, you're completely safe. I know you and Dash are in there, and we just want to talk to you," he said. (Yeah, right.)

I grabbed the special star with my magic and depressed it, and the secret door swung open. "Good luck."

"Twi, what about you?" she asked, the anxiety on her face palpable.

"I'll be fine. I actually want to confront him, and I have my escape planned. Now, GO!" I ordered. (I hated yelling at her, but, necessity and all.) She saluted and flew through the secret exit. I shut the doorway, then popped the bubble.

"Twilight, please talk to me. You can stay in the room if you want. I won't even come inside," came the voice of my traitorous brother. (Damn it! Why do I feel like the traitor?!) He seemed to be avoiding the word 'Twily', and there was something in his voice I never expected to hear from him.

He was afraid. My brother was afraid of me. Why?

I cleared my throat. "I'll open the door, but no funny business, got it?"

"Absolutely none, absolutely none," he said, repeating himself nervously. "I'm standing back from the door."

I removed the sigil which sealed the door, and I felt a quick streak of fear rush through my gut. I was making a mistake, I knew it, but I only knew it subconsciously and I didn't bucking listen to that nagging feeling. (Fuck, fuck, fuckitty fuck fucking fucker fucks. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!) (Yeah, I'm kind of upset about this.)

I consistently have this failing, Journal. I don't trust my instincts enough, because I can't pin them down into a sequence of linguistic thoughts, and I have a terrible time trusting what I don't fully understand—even if it comes from within me. Pinkie Pie is phenomenal at tapping into her subconscious, but me? I suck at it. I suck really hard. (Probably shouldn't be using sex-based euphemisms, but whatever.)

The door glowed with my brother's aura, and opened slowly. True to his word, he was standing about three meters away from the door. There was nopony behind him, but I heard a cough not far away.

As for my side of the door? I had a force shield up and a plasma blast readied. No chances.

I just have to buy Dash enough time, then I can teleport away, I thought. Besides, I have a lot of questions I want answered, and... I want to see if I can understand, now that I've matured a little. He's still my brother, somewhere in there. He has to be.

It took me a moment to realize that he was standing there just like a normal pony, on all fours. His cock was rigid beneath his barrel, but he wasn't doing the weird two-legged thing to show it off or intimidate me.

"Twily—I mean, Twilight—" he said, tripping over his own words. His brow was wet with sweat.

This was pathetic. I actually felt bad for him. I sighed, and interrupted.

"It's fine if you call me Twily, let's just get this over with," I said, and unreadied the bolt. "I want to understand, brother. I'm ready to talk."

Shining Armor breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank the Moon! I mean, thank you, Twily," he said. "May I assume Rainbow Dash is in the bathroom?"

"Maybe, maybe not," I said. "Let's not involve her in this right now." Even if I couldn't keep a sane conversation going, I needed to stall longer. Undoubtedly she was already in the caves, but it might take her a while to find the exit. (She could do it with echolocation, but I suspected she didn't know how to do that yet, at least not without going full-vampony. And you never go full-vampony, Journal. Not on Team Sanity, anyway.)

Shining nodded, and sat down on the hallway floor. I walked up until I was a few meters away from the door myself, and sat down as well. (Naturally, the force bubble was still up. I'm not a complete idiot, at least.) This meant Shining and I were almost within comfortable speaking distance, but not quite. Close enough not to have to yell, but far enough apart to feel super-awkward. (Let's face facts: there's no way this conversation wasn't going to be super-awkward.)

"That's fine. We're mostly concerned for your safety. And hers, naturally," said my brother.

"Naturally," I said, with a hint of sarcasm. "No thanks to Team Creepy, though. She isn't exactly enjoying being a nightwing." Of course, this wasn't new information, because they knew they bit her... Or was it?

Shit. I realized right after I said it. I just gave away a crucial bit of information that should have remained secret: I don't have a cure that works on other ponies yet. I basically fumbled the hoofball when our team was already way behind. (Okay, my hoofball analogies have to end there, Journal. I don't really know how the game works, because I can't see the appeal in it.)

But then, I visibly winced at my mistake, and that was another mistake! Huge facehoof here. Wincing basically revealed that I knew I'd given that bit of information away, confirming that it wasn't just a bluff. Holy Sun, I'm terrible at this sort of thing.

For his part, Shining didn't seem to respond. "We're sorry about that. It was a mistake to infect her. Heavens above, pretty much everything we've done when it comes to you was a huge mistake," he admitted. "Trying to turn you against your will was wrong, trying to keep information from you was wrong, trying to force you into sex was wrong... we, we just went about everything the wrong way, and..."

He got up on all four hooves, and for a moment I thought he was going to try something. But then he lowered his ankles to the floor. My brother had stood up in order to kneel! Like, in deference to a princess or something (well, I guess I am one, but still)! This act of humility flew in the muzzle of everything I had been assuming, but it was probably just an act. Right?

"I'm sorry, Twily. We're all very sorry, and we apologize for what we've done, and I mean that." He sat back down on the floor. "I don't expect you to believe that, and I certainly don't expect forgiveness, but I'm hoping by some miracle that there's a way that we can make things right again, someday."

My muzzle wrinkled up in an equal mix of irritation and confusion. "Shining, I... I just can't believe what you're saying. You've done terrible things to my friends. I've been raped by my own parents, for buck's sake," I said.

Shining Armor winced as though he'd been struck with a polearm. "I know. I'm so sorry for that—we were just so certain it would work, and you'd be happy again—but there's no excuse, I know."

I snorted. "Well, granted, I've learned a lot from my experiences, and I'm not totally messed up inside by some tremendous miracle, but... I can't forgive you until I understand why—WHY did these things happen? What is going on? Please, please help me understand your side of things. I'm willing to listen. But I shouldn't need to take your cock in my cunt to figure things out."

It's been a long time since I've seen my brother that startled.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. It took me a moment to realize why. I'd used profane language in a sexually direct way, like some kind of depraved pervert, which maybe I am now. But I guess that was unexpected, which told me something: Team Creepy didn't have access to a full summary of my experiences from Pinkie Pie (so she probably decided not to tell much, bless her heart, as AJ would say), and they didn't have access to my somehow-magical journal.

Unfortunately, this book was lying on the floor right next to me in plain sight, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it at that point. Another dumbass mistake, this one just completely careless. I should have refused to open the door until I had all of my i's dotted and t's crossed (er, metaphorically, not in you, Journal—obviously I would never leave an i undotted or a t uncrossed).

"I, um, right. I agree," he said. "I think we can explain things to you. It's been hard because of... um..."

"My sexual inexperience. I understand," I said.

"Wow, I was afraid to even mention that," said Shining Armor, and he smiled for the first time. His shoulders relaxed. He was worried about losing me again, I could tell. "I'm just happy you're okay now. And, um, I'm happy that you and your friends..." he said, but declined to finish the sentence.

I sighed. "I know you can smell it. Yes, I had s—no, I made love to Rainbow Dash. Even though we're both fillies, or mares, rather; even though we're not married or anything; even though we were in a dangerous situation."

"That's wonderful, Twily. That's really wonderful. I'm so happy for you," he said. The look on his face matched what he said.

"And I'm not ashamed of it, either... actually, you know what?" I asked, rhetorically. "I'm proud of it. I'm proud I fucked one of my best friends. It was a good thing."

My brother looked even more relaxed, and his eyes were wet as he smiled softly back at me. "Sis... I hope this doesn't creep you, but... I'm really, really proud of you," he said. "You've grown up so much, in such a short space of time. I'm sorry it had to be this difficult and painful, but you continue to amaze me, and our parents."

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, whatever. I've grown up. Fine. I didn't do it in order to have this conversation, but now maybe it will be easier to have it?"

Shining nodded. "I think so, yes," and he motioned his head around the corner. I fully expected an enormous armed garrison to come around the corner so we could 'talk' in more detail. Instead, a slightly smaller armed garrison appeared: Sis-in-law. It looked like she had her horn back, but I could tell (visually) that it was one of Rarity's fake horn-sheaths. (You'd need to know a lot about horn anatomy to tell, though. I'd be surprised if more than one unicorn in a thousand could detect the difference if they weren't looking for it (well, unless they're centimeters away from it). Rarity has outdone herself, yet again.)

"Twilight?" she asked, ducking her head. Princess Cadance took a seat on the floor beside her husband. "Are you doing okay?" (Notably, she wasn't wearing any accessories except for the fake horn and gold earrings. Brother was entirely nude as well, too, if I forgot to mention. I'm sure this was to avoid immediately creeping me out.)

Journal, I really wanted to stick it to them both, right then. I wanted them to think I was completely fucked in the head because of what they did to me. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. At the time, it looked like they hurt as much as I do. Tartarus, they're probably hurting even now, despite how wrong they are. I had to be honest.

"I'm... okay," I said. "In a lot of emotional pain, but somehow I've been able to cope. Mainly because I don't think anypony is trying to hurt anypony else, even though it is manifestly true that that is exactly what you're doing."

"This isn't an excuse, Twily, but you need to believe us. The only ponies who are suffering are those who we mistakenly tried to turn before they were ready," said Shining Armor. "If you choose to join us, I know you'll be happy. I will personally guarantee it."

I rolled my eyes. "Where does all this come from, BBBFF?" (That accidentally slipped out, but I'd like to think I was subconsciously trying to appeal to his sense of obligation toward his sister. He certainly has lost the right to that title.) I continued, "I understand the basic sequence of events: my error in creating Flutterbat left a link to some kind of curse hidden in pony DNA, or something like that; the nightwings who, before being banished with Luna, had experienced that curse—probably during the brief appearance of Nightmare Moon—visited Fluttershy and asked her to turn them into 'complete' nightwings, which she did; then Fluttershy turned Pinkie Pie, then Rarity, and then she visited you both and turned you."

I did the exposition for a reason. Not sure if I've written this here yet, but the fastest way to get information out of an unwilling pony is to make open assumptions. It's pony nature to want to correct misperceptions, and it's a strong compulsion. For example, if you want to know if somepony is married, the simplest way is not to say, "Are you married?", because they might decide that's none of your business. The simplest way is to say, "Hay, how's your spouse?" Almost any unmarried pony would immediately say, "I'm not married." (Of course, this is dangerous because it could cause social friction: if their spouse just died, for example. But it's still the most surefire trick, and I was definitely using it here.)

"That's basically right, yes. Please, go on," said my brother.

Ah, the opposite approach. This was clever, too. If I wasn't careful, I could reveal the limits of what I knew. I'd have to counter that. But I'm terrible at subtlety, so I just opened my mouth and laid things bare.

"Look, I'm not revealing all I know, or even whether I believe the things I'm telling you," I defended.

Princess Cadance looked at her husband, and he nodded to her.

"That's fine, Twilight," she said. "We're being completely honest with you, though. We won't lie to you about the facts anymore. That was a bad idea from the beginning. We'll try not to withhold facts from you, either... with perhaps one dangerous exception that has nothing to do with being vamponies."

I was tempted to pursue that line of questioning, but it was obviously a trap. So I ignored it and continued.

"Okay. So, being vamponies makes your sex drive go over the top, which means not only do you have a lot of sex, you end up developing lots of fetishes. And I guess some of those are natural, anyway, because I think I'm starting to understand the whole dominant-pony obsequious-pony thing," I admitted. "It can be freeing on both ends, I get it now, and maybe it isn't even totally insane to do it as long as you both enjoy what you do. So that stuff is not super-weird. But chopping off your horn? That's really bucking weird, guys. Not to mention dangerous. What if you needed Cadance's magic to save the Kingdom? What then?"

The two royals looked at one another, nodded, then looked back at me. Then Cadance spoke.

"We can't fully explain the horn thing right now, because that's part of the dangerous exception I just mentioned. We'll tell you soon. But at least the enjoyment of having your horn removed must be obvious, if you truly understand dominance and submission," she said. "It's about complete control, and about being helpless. Losing your horn is... well, it's an extreme form of impotence. I'm giving everything to my husband and Master, Twilight. Everything. No limits, apart from the most basic ones needed to preserve my health and well-being—and even there, I trust Master completely with my life, just as I did when I married him."

Ugh. I hate to write this, but I started thinking about losing my horn, and... if Dash could just take my magic away and shove it up my butt... okay, part of me can see it, in some limited sense. But it's still insane. It's just as bad as removing a leg, except that your horn eventually grows back. But that takes months!

So, that's what I said. "Removing your legs would be equally impotent, and just as crazy."

"Horns grow back, Twily," said Shining.

"It takes a long time, and you'll just cut the horn off again, won't you?" I accused. (Princess Cadance's blush told me all I needed to know.)

"As my wife said, it's complicated, and we'll tell you in due time. If there's anything else, now's the time to ask it..."

Princess Cadance looked like she was straining to hear something, and then her eyes grew wide. She whispered to her prince, and Shining grimaced.

"Fuck. Take care of it, bitch," he said. She nodded and left.

It took me a moment, but I figured it out. "It's about Dashie, isn't it?" I said. (The 'Dashie' was an accident, I swear.)

Shining Armor paused for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to tell me. "Yes. She's not in your room anymore, so you must have teleported her away laaa—um, before the door was opened," he said.

"Why not let her go?"

"She's a vampony and she doesn't have control of her abilities yet. She's a danger to everypony in Canterlot," he said. "You know this is true."

I didn't want to admit it, even though it was, technically, true. "We can't let you topple the diarchy, Shining. You can't honestly expect we would sit idly by and let everything fall apart."

He sighed, and nodded. "Yes, I understand. And while some of our plans may have been ill-conceived initially—like the gross naivete of thinking we could quickly convert an entire nation to happy vamponies, and that would actually work without any snags, somehow—when Princess Celestia comes to her senses, she'll join the revolution," said Shining. "She'll support us. You'll see."

"Celestia's more stubborn than you think," I pointed out, with a smirk.

"Well, I think she's almost as stubborn as you, but not quite. Celestia has a very long lifetime of experiences, Twily. She's been through plenty of social revolutions, and even caused a few, some of which are now backfiring. She can handle change."

"I can handle change, Brother. I can't handle fucking little foals or fucking my parents, and I can't handle losing my applebucking horn, for fuck's sake! Or part of your brain! I know about the stone, by the way. All of this is abusive and ridiculous. This is wrong. There have to be limits," I pleaded.

"There are limits, and it isn't abusive. We'll try to show you that," he said. He looked back around the corner, and nodded, and Cadance returned.

"They'll find her," Cadance said to her 'Master' (bleah). "Twilight, we're only worried about her safety."

"You're worried about losing this horrifying revolution, that's what! And you can't expect me to sit around and wait for you to somehow convince me that chopping off parts of my body is a good thing," I said.

"That's true," said Shining. "The cuh—I mean, my wife misspoke. We do care about losing the revolution, but that's also grounded in not wanting ponies to be hurt."

"BBBFF, you know me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you actually think you can convince me, without any magic sex mumbo-jumbo, that a lobotomy and a cornectomy are acceptable things to do to somepony," I said, nearly spitting. "Tell me that."

I wasn't remotely prepared for what happened next.

My brother looked me in the eyes, over that small gulf of distance, and without blinking, he said, "Yes. Once we explain how it works, you will agree, even with no sex involved."

The thing is, I can tell when my brother is lying, and he wasn't lying (or at least, he didn't think he was). I'm one-hundred percent certain of that fact. What could this mean? When you've exhausted all the impossible theories, you have to accept what remains, no matter how improbable. It's impossible that I would agree to those things under any circumstance. The logic is not there, it just isn't. The only remaining possibility is this: Shining Armor is completely crazy, and he actually thinks these things make logical sense. This matches with what Celestia warned me about last night, so I understand why she pushed that idea into my head.

The problem with this is that my brother doesn't sound like a crazy pony. I don't understand it. How can he be crazy when everything he says in smaller contexts follows proper, rational logic?

I'll admit it, curiosity was burning in my brain like a ten-alarm fire. I was tempted to tell him I would sit there until he made all of the necessary arguments, just to hear what he had to say. Very tempted.

I just didn't have the time to wait, because Rainbow Dash was in trouble.

"I'm sorry, brother. I still love you, platonically I mean, but I don't have time to play these games. I need to leave now," I said, and he seemed oddly unconcerned. "When the vampony thing goes public, please don't resist. I don't want anypony hurt. We can sit down with Princess Celestia and talk about all of this, and you can even stay a vampony if you want—I would advocate for that with Celestia, even—but the revolution has to stop now." I'm certain the lines of concern were (figuratively) etched into my facial features.

Shining Armor sighed and bowed his head, then Cadance spoke.

"I'm sorry, Twilight. We can't risk letting you leave again. We can't risk open war," she said. Then I heard a teleport sound, and so I reacted on instinct. Before the spell could finish, I immediately teleported out of—

FUCK.

That's what I missed.

My subconscious tried to tell me, but I didn't listen! Maybe I didn't want to listen? Maybe I wanted to be captured—I mean, I'm sure I do, on some level. But I didn't really want it to happen. I'm just a stupid foal... a total and complete, absolute foal.

It should have been obvious. It was even the exact same scenario, for buck's sake! I'm stuck in a room in a castle, just like Celestia was when she was captured. I made the same, incredibly stupid misstep, and it was that much more stupid because I made it immediately after I'd learned it could happen. I just... I can't.

Needless to say, my teleportation did not work. It felt empty when I cast it, almost as though the target location did not exist. There had to have been a magic field of some sort blocking outgoing teleportation; it was the only explanation.

I put a force shield up immediately, of course, but it was too late. Apparently, the barrier was one-way, because a small greenish gas with a cyan shimmer to it appeared right in front of my muzzle.

The last thing I remembered before I fell unconscious? Feeling stupid, and ashamed, and a scent reminiscent of ether and vanilla...

I woke to what felt like a headache, but it turned out to be worse. First off, I was in a small room with a bed and a mirror, and a tiny bathroom adjacent. (It wasn't like how Celestia described her cell at all, for the record—either the initial guest room or the room she's now trapped in.) Princess Cadance was holding me gently in her legs. She was wearing the accessories again: golden cap on the horn stump, golden collar, golden wing-clips (not the shredding type, though), and the earrings (naturally). The accessories look a little different from what I've seen previously. Rarity is probably still experimenting with different designs, I guess.

After the inevitable bout of crying, which lasted several minutes, I started grabbing at my horn with my hooves. Cadance made no move to stop me. My horn was there, but I couldn't use it, because there was this constant vibration throttling it. It wasn't painful, but it was—it IS, rather—impossibly distracting. Worse yet, it's kind of a constant stimulation (sexually speaking), but I'm not in a sexy mood by any stretch of the imagination, so it isn't affecting me that way at the moment (thank Celestia).

Of course I realized the implications, but I tried to cast anyway, using both normal magic and dark magic. Neither would work, and it wasn't due to the lack of focus, surprisingly enough. Something about the vibration of my horn prevented me from using it as an echo chamber for mana, and even though I don't actively use my horn with dark magic, I still need that chamber effect. Very clever, Brother and Sister-in-law, I'll give you that.

In the mirror, I could see some kind of a black, rubber-looking cuff at the base of my horn, and I could sense that it was a magical item, probably with a tiny mana crystal embedded on the back side toward my cranium where I couldn't see.

Cadance waited for me to stop crying, holding me gently all the while. Then she waited for me to take inventory of my surroundings, and to learn just how screwed I was.

"This... it almost hurts," I whispered, and she leaned back to look in my eyes.

"I know," she said. "I'm so sorry. It's the only way we could think of to keep you safe, Twilight."

"I'm surprised I even have a horn. Chopping it off would stop me from casting anything," I pointed out, rather stupidly. (I was subconsciously hoping they'd just snap it off and get it over with already, I think.)

"No. We won't take your horn without your consent," she said, without blinking.

"Wait, seriously?" I asked, brow furrowed. "Even though I might be able to escape?"

Cadance nodded, and a sad smile rested on her lips. "Yes. Master forbids it, and I agree completely."

"Ah, I see. So you'll turn me first, then I'll agree because you're all bucking crazy and I will be too. Or maybe you'll lobotomize me first. Am I warm?"

"Twilight," Cadance said, looking me right in the eyes. "We're not going to infect you at all."

This brought a strange feeling into my chest. It was a terrible feeling. I started to realize that she might be denying me the right to become a vampony at all. This was the worst possible punishment I could receive. I wasn't allowed to be like they were, even though I didn't want to be? Was that it? My face must have shown an incredible amount of pain, because Cadance seemed horrified by it.

"No, Twilight! Not like that," she said in as soothing a voice as she could muster while her hooves were shaking. "If you want to be turned, of course we'll bring you into the fold. We're just not going to do it against your will."

I sighed. I'm not sure that's any better, to be honest. I can't abandon Spike and Celestia. I have to keep suffering, no matter what, if they refuse to force me to finally rest from all this pain. Maybe I deserve all of this horrific shit... I don't know, Journal. I just don't know.

"But, why not?" I asked. "I mean, you say I'll love it once I'm in, so why not just do it already, now that you can? Do you want me to suffer more?"

Cadance shook her head. "Nothing of the sort, Twilight. It's just... we've made so many mistakes with you already, thinking we could push you into this, and you've been really hurt in the process," she admitted. "Even if it would end your suffering, Master has decided that you won't be turned until you acquiesce. And you will, at some point. He was right, you know... there is sensible logic behind all this. We'll try to show you as quickly as possible, so it shouldn't take long."

As she was talking, I noticed my journal nearby on the floor, complete with a nice portable inkwell and feather quill. The well appeared to be filled with my special ink.

"Ah, great. You've read all of it, I presume," I stated (rather than asked).

"No, because we're not going to invade your privacy either. And we want you to keep writing, because this story you have, it's special. You're recording some amazing struggles, Twilight," she said, and smiled. "This book, it's something very beautiful that can come out of the ashes of such a terrible set of experiences."

I have to wonder if Cadance is lying. If she read the book, she would already know that it will at some point become a combinatorial totem, so she's probably encouraging me to write in order to complete the totem so these creepy rapists can corrupt other worlds with their sick shit, too.

You know the weird thing? I don't think she's lying, Journal. It's a really stupid mistake for them not to read you, tactically speaking. It makes no sense. But somehow, I believe her. I just don't understand why she would do this. It's not like I have much privacy left, anyway.

Maybe there's more to this than tactics. Maybe friendship lies in this madness somewhere deep and dark, in a place I still cannot grasp.

Cadance is staying by my side for the evening, and I suspect she'll be sleeping with me in this small bed (hopefully not sexually—I can't deal with that right now). Obviously I tried to remove the cuff, but it's stuck on my horn. I don't know if it's held by glue or what, but they did a good job. They took no chance this time, which means that now I have no chance. I just have to hope either Spike or Dash succeeds (preferably both, of course), and that Dashie and Celestia are doing okay.

She's going to put me to sleep after I'm done writing, either with a spell or drugs. There's no way I can sleep naturally with this buzzing in my horn. It's maddening. I don't even know if this entry will even come out with proper grammar. (Of course, I'm still aiming for that.)

Dear Celestia, please save me. After you save yourself, of course. I'm so sorry for being this bucking stupid.

I'VE DONE ALL I CAN, AND BY NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IS AT STAKE

PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF FRIENDSHIP, STOP READING — THIS IS MY FINAL PLEA

AT THE VERY LEAST, SKIP READING A SINGLE PARAGRAPH

THAT MIGHT BE ENOUGH TO SAVE YOU, AND IT IS SO LITTLE TO ASK, IF ONLY YOU WOULD BELIEVE THE TRUTH

GOODBYE, AND MAY FORTUNE FAVOR YOUR SOULS

<<(Glossary of the Order)>>

Over the past day (not yet recorded here) I've learned a fascinating amount of detail about vampony culture. To centralize all of the important information, I'm writing a comprehensive glossary here before I go into details about the events.

I'll share some of the conversations that led to the following information in the next few entries.

aconitum: flowering plants of the wolfsbane family, most species of which are highly toxic. Close proximity to aconitum automatically blocks the wolf. Although vamponies are immune to the toxic effects of aconitum, for the safety of other animals they only cultivate species with low toxicity.

baubles: badging accessories vamponies wear that secretly project their rank (see materials for more) and owner. The latter is noted by a hidden mark visible only with vampony sight or a mana-based light source. The hidden mark glows slightly, which allows vamponies to distinguish true baubles from copycat jewelry at a distance of up to ten meters. Baubles can be used for show (collars, earrings, and saddles), or used to block the wolf (currently these include hobblers, hollows, horncaps, ounckses, shredders, and wingclips). Many baubles can be locked so that the user cannot remove them. Masters wear only earrings and (optionally) collars.

bitch: a term of endearment used by Masters and Ladies to refer to cunts who are currently under their control. See also sister-bitch.

block the wolf: to prevent letting out the wolf. There are three ways to block the wolf: close proximity to aconitum (only by Master permission), concentration alone (for Masters who can hold the wolf), and wearing baubles designed for this purpose (for Ladies and cunts). Note that not all of the wolf can be blocked: enhanced hearing, enhanced smell, fangs, and prehensile tongue are always available for a vampony to partially let out.

bloodhorn: a unicorn vampony, like Rarity or Shining Armor. When letting out the wolf, the horn of a bloodhorn curves upwards, turns smooth, and reddens toward the tip. (It doesn't become sharp unless the horn was already sharp.) Ounckses and horncaps will block the wolf entirely. King Sombra was the first bloodhorn: he ascended to power after learning of Princess Luna's discovery of the vampony mutation.

break: to destroy a pony's stain with a Breakstone.

Breakstone: one of many magical artifact stones originally from the Crystal Kingdom which have been repurposed to destroy the stain, thus breaking the pony.

control: for a Master or Lady to dominate a pony. The pony does not need to be owned, but permission from the pony's Master is required. Control without ownership usually happens when a cunt is away from their owner, when the owner allows it for recreational purposes, or when the pony is on the market. Multiple Masters (or multiple Ladies) may mutually control a cunt if they agree to, but this is typically done only in two settings: informal situations, and recreation. (By recreation, Cadance used 'giving a cunt a real workout' as an example. I don't want to know what that means.)

cornectomy: the amputation of a horn, which is commonly done to unicorn Ladies and lost ones. A cornectomy can be hidden within a realistic fake horn until the natural horn grows back (unless prevented by a bauble). I cannot possibly fathom why anypony would do this willingly, even if sex is involved. In theory, if I took my brother's dick up my ass, somehow all of this would magically make perfect sense. (That was sarcasm.)

cunt: a vampony who isn't a Master, except that Ladies may only be referred to as cunts by a vampony who controls them. 'Ladies and cunts' is, therefore, more inclusive. All lost ones are cunts, regardless as to who is addressing them.

cutie dark: also occasionally called a "dark mark", this is the name for the changed cutie mark that results when a vampony lets out the wolf. The only two I've seen so far in pony, since I didn't get a good look at Rainbow Dash's cutie dark: Fluttershy's (no, I won't use her nick) cutie dark is a trio of bats (instead of butterflies), and Pinkie Pie's is a trio of colorful horse sperm (instead of balloons).

darkhoof: an earth pony vampony, like Big Macintosh (who might actually have been the first). Darkhooves produce mudblood from their splits when they let the wolf out, and they gain incredible balance and dexterity (via the splits). Hobblers and hollows will block the wolf entirely.

emancipated: Ladies and cunts who wear special, non-disabling baubles which still block the wolf. This is done for vamponies whose abilities are too important to the Order, or ponies whose work would otherwise require frequently removing baubles (like a Wonderbolt performing). Vamponies are not permitted to be emancipated while on the market. Despite the name, emancipation has no effect on a vampony's rank. See materials for details on how to spot an emancipated vampony.

fixed: not yet broken.

fixed-up: this refers to ponies who haven't been broken, and it also implies that somepony is sexually confused. So, let's review: you're insane if you don't want to fuck your parents and get a lobotomy. (That was also sarcasm.)

fractal: a crystal pony vampony. When they let out the wolf, fractals gain the appearance of a wildly shifting, faceted interior. This produces an effect that mesmerizes any sapient creature who stares into it for more than a few seconds. Other vamponies are immune to the effect. Rarity isn't sure how to make a bauble that blocks the wolf for a fractal yet, but they've only converted a few from the Crystal Guard whom they (surreptitiously) had already reaped as Masters.

hobblers: a more severe form of hollow that is also extremely heavy. The weight makes kicking virtually impossible and walking becomes a workout, even for earth ponies (who are the only ponies who can even move in them). See hollows for additional information.

hold the wolf: to let the wolf out without losing control of one's mind. This technique is taught to Masters, and only Masters are permitted to use it. This also allows the Master to block the wolf at will.

hollows: a bauble which blocks the wolf in earth ponies by constricting the hoof. These are shoes with a vacuum layer that also inhibit an earth pony's manumancy. The emancipated version of this bauble is just a normal shoe that fits tightly around the hoof.

horagon: a dragon vampony, which Rarity knows about because Spike tasted the wolf once in her presence (dammit, Spike). When horagons let out the wolf, their tail thickens and becomes a prehensile phallus. Rarity is working on a thick tail ring bauble which should block the wolf for a horagon.

horncap: a bauble that is a cap with a metal base screwed tightly onto the nub of a cornectomy. It prevents the wearer's horn from growing back, and blocks the wolf just like an ounckse. As with any cornectomy, a horncap can be hidden within a realistic fake horn.

Lady: the rank of a vampony who is owned by a Master, but may also own lost ones (in which case the ownership is shared with their Master). With approval of their Master, Ladies may choose to be called by a similar title that does not sound 'overly dominant' (e.g., 'Gent' for a male Lady). A Lady's controller is the only vampony who need not call her by her title (see cunt for more details). A Lady may control, but not own, another Lady (with both Masters' approval). See materials for details on how to spot a Lady.

letting out the wolf: the act of transformation vamponies undergo when they embrace the wolf and allow it to emerge physically, or when un-turned ponies taste the wolf. They lose control of their bodies and minds, becoming incredibly feral and sex-crazed, and gain species-specific abilities (see bloodhorn, darkhoof, fractal, horagon, nightblood, nightborn, voidmare, and wildmane). They also gain access to a vomeronasal sense called the snarl, and their thirst for sapient blood increases. Even while blocking the wolf, the basic vampony abilities of enhanced hearing, enhanced smell, fangs, and prehensile tongue can be let out (as well as red, slitted irises), although that also reduces their ability to think rationally. Note that vamponies must let out the wolf regularly (about once a week, per Cadance) or they start to lose the ability to think rationally entirely—and for those who can't hold the wolf, letting out the wolf requires being shackled (see the wolf).

losing one's marbles: the process of becoming a proper vampony. For adults, this involves being reaped, being turned, and being broken, generally in that order. For vampony foals, this involves being reaped and tasting the wolf three times (see vampony foals for more information).

lost one: the rank of a vampony who isn't a Master or Lady. This is the lowest of the three ranks. Lost ones are not permitted to control other ponies unless specifically ordered to do so while under direct supervision, and the other pony must also be a lost one (or a non-vampony, such as a marble). It is preferable to call them cunts (or bitches) unless the distinction is important. See materials for details on how to spot one.

marble: a pony scheduled to be turned (a new follower of the Order of Spring). Marbles may be called cunts prior to being turned if reaping determines them to be a Lady or lost one.

Master: the rank of a vampony who is owned by nopony else. Masters are considered to be their own owners. Only Masters are permitted to hold the wolf and use the stance. They may choose to be called by whatever title they prefer. The only baubles Masters wear are onyx earrings and (optional) onyx collars.

materials: the material that a bauble appears to be made from secretly projects information about the wearer to other vamponies, as follows.

copper: lost one

gold or white gold: Lady (1, 2)

granite: foal Lady (2, 3)

marble: an initiate not yet following the Order

semiprecious stone (4): emancipated Lady (2, 5)

silver: Lady, on the market

steel: lost one, on the market

onyx: Master

opal: emancipated lost one (5)

wood: foal lost one (3)

(1) = The white gold alloy must either appear distinct from silver, or else be embedded with obvious yellow gold as part of an abstract design (like a curved stripe in the middle of a collar). Apart from Masters who choose to wear collars (which can be whatever they please; only the onyx earrings are required), this is the only situation where a bauble may be two different colors. (Naturally, this restriction doesn't include natural color or pattern variations appearing within materials like marble, stone, or wood. This implies that silver and steel baubles will have the least amount of variation, which is intentional.)

(2) = Ladies who are not on the market are permitted to have abstract designs carved into their baubles to allow them some uniqueness, as long as the designs are smooth and not overly intricate. Rarity says they need to feel smooth to the hoof: they can't be carved with so much detail that they gain a rough texture, and they can't feature gemstones or anything that isn't the material itself. For all kinds of lost ones and for Ladies on the market, designs are completely smooth and plain (intentionally). Some mild amount of variation is permissible, however. For example, a steel collar could have a slightly raised edge, or be burnished in a certain way, or the furry lining could be a custom color (usually done to match the vampony's coat). In all cases, the vampony's Master must approve.

(3) = Vampony foals may only wear granite or wood, even if they are emancipated. They aren't permitted to be on the market.

(4) = These must be brightly-colored (e.g. carnelian, jade, lapis) and composed of only one type of stone.

(5) = Vamponies can't be on the market while they are emancipated.

mudblood: the syrupy sanguine goo produced within the splits of a darkhoof. Physical contact with roughly one milliliter of it causes a pony to taste the wolf. Mudblood has a strong flavor similar to cinnamon, lime, and MSG, and it feels intoxicating to touch or taste even when experienced in trace amounts (i.e. without tasting the wolf).

nick: this isn't an official thing yet, but it refers to cutesy nicknames vamponies have started calling each other when they're letting out the wolf. A few obvious examples I've been given (you can probably guess) include: Slutterbat, Painbat Gash (pending approval, since she's still on the loose), Despairity, Kinky Cry, Princest Preydance, Gash Entry (I'll admit, that one actually makes me laugh), and Princest Lunatic. (Sorry, I will NOT list my suggested name here—I still have my dignity intact, for now.)

nightblood: a pegacorn vampony, like Princess Cadance (and hopefully, never like Princess Twilight Sparkle). Nightbloods have the vampony traits of both bloodhorns and nightborns, and a single bauble that blocks the wolf for either kind will block the wolf for a nightblood.

nightborn: a pegasus vampony, like Fluttershy. Not to be confused with nightwings (see nightwing for more). When letting out the wolf, a nightborn's ears poof up slightly, their wings change from birdlike to batlike, their pupils become slitted, and they gain echolocation. They also have a low-light vision they can turn on and off, which makes their eyes glow slightly and allows them to see infrared signatures. If they are also nightwings (instead of normal pegasi), letting out the wolf will give them the dexterity and speed of a pegasus and an improved sense of smell (as well as the traits common to all vamponies, like further enhancement to their senses). Shredders and wingclips can be worn by a nightborn to block the wolf.

nightwing: a former member of Princess Luna's Night Guard, or any descendant with the 'bat-pony' phenotype. Nightwings are very rare. Nightwings are not as dexterous or fast as pegasi and have a limited sense of smell, but retain the bat wings, ear tufts, fangs, slitted pupils, echolocation, enhanced hearing, and low-light vision of a nightborn. Nightwings who are also vamponies retain these abilities even when not letting out the wolf, and when letting out the wolf they also gain the dexterity and speed of a 'normal' pegasus. You can tell the difference between a nightwing and a nightborn who is letting out the wolf because the nightborn will have red irises, and appear to be feral (even while holding the wolf, as this takes a lot of concentration).

on the market: this refers to Ladies and cunts who do not currently have a Master. Ladies are not permitted to own cunts on the market, which implies that a pony on the market has no owner. This is usually undesirable, but occasionally necessary due to the scarcity of Masters and situations where a cunt is dropped from ownership by their Master (which is the only way an owned vampony can go on the market). Vamponies broadcast being on the market by using different materials for their baubles. While on the market, no permission is necessary for Masters or Ladies to control them, except that a Lady will need their own Master's permission to control another Lady who is on the market. Note that emancipated ponies and vampony foals are not permitted to be on the market (they must be exchanged directly from Master to Master).

Order of Spring, the: usually just referred to as 'the Order', this is the philosophy, social structure, and extreme biological drive which underlies budding vampony culture. It isn't an organization as much as it is a way of thinking and acting that underlies vampony motivations. You don't 'join' the Order, you 'follow' it, in other words.

ounckse: pronounced OONK-say, this bauble is a toroidal double helix made from cold-wrought iron. Another material is inserted as a ring within the helix to mark a pony's rank. Wearing an ounckse disables a unicorn's ability to cast magic, and it also blocks the wolf. It doesn't prevent the use of dark magic, but only the highest level unicorns can use dark magic spells so this almost never matters. The emancipated version of an ounckse is simply made from the usual bauble material instead of cold-wrought iron, in which case it can block the wolf without inhibiting magic.

owning: to completely control a pony for the long-term. A pony can only be owned by a single pony at any given time, except that Masters always own their Ladies' owned cunts as well (ownership is transitive).

rank: the social standing of a vampony as determined by reaping. There are only three levels. Master is the highest level, Lady is the middle level, and lost one is the lowest level. Vampony foals (who remain un-broken—see vampony foals for more) may only hold the latter two ranks. Emancipation has no effect on a vampony's rank.

reap: to determine the rank of a marble, usually through the use of a magic spell.

shredder: a more disabling version of wingclip with an attached sieve that shreds the wearer's primary feathers, preventing flight entirely (gliding is still possible, but requires a lot of awkward flapping). When a pony such as a nightblood is letting out the wolf, the missing primaries correspond to a shredded plagiopatagium (the largest section of skin of a bat's wing that attaches to the side of the pony). For nightbloods who are also nightwings, shredders are modified to shred the skin of the wing (which, apparently, regenerates slowly even if they aren't vamponies). See wingclip for additional information.

sister-bitch: either of two or more vamponies of the same rank who are controlled by the same pony. This address is relative, meaning the phrase "Rarity is Cadance's sister-bitch" makes sense (if they share a controller and rank), and mutual sister-bitches may call each other by the title; but nopony else will directly call them that.

snarl, the: a vomeronasal sense (the ability to detect and respond to pony pheromones, which by all rights shouldn't even exist) that vamponies unlock by letting out the wolf. The name comes from the fact that the receptors are found along the upper gum line, so a vampony using it appears to be snarling or sneering.

split: each of the three pieces of a darkhoof's lower leg when it splits into three parts. Each split is multi-jointed and highly dexterous. The interior of the leg oozes mudblood.

stain, the: the part of the brain destroyed by a Breakstone. (I'm afraid to ask more about this at the moment. I just don't want to know.)

stance, the: the awkward-looking two-legged posture taught to Masters, which only Masters are permitted to use.

tasting the wolf: the act of an un-turned pony letting out the wolf by coming into direct contact with mudblood. This is frequently done for vampony foals, who are not turned prior to their cute-ceañera. Foals must taste the wolf three times before they can be considered vamponies. Tasting the wolf may also be used to convince marbles to willingly be turned.

turning: the process of infecting somepony with the vampony mutation, which is mediated in part by a magical bacterium. Tasting the wolf does not count as turning. This is slightly confusing because vampony foals are neither turned nor broken until their cute-ceañera, and instead must be reaped (just as adults are) and taste the wolf three times to become vamponies.

vampony: a pony who has lost their marbles, through being reaped, turned, and broken, generally in that order. Vampony foals only need to be reaped and taste the wolf three times to lose their marbles (see vampony foals for more). Vamponies who let out the wolf by a tiny amount (which any vampony can do, even while blocking the wolf) have access to heightened senses of hearing and smell, an overpowered sex drive, retractable fangs, and a long, prehensile tongue (and red, slitted irises). When fully letting out the wolf, vamponies gain access to additional abilities (see letting out the wolf for more). They are naturally noctural, but they can maintain a diurnal cycle instead. They eat and drink normally, but they need to drink a sapient being's blood (other vamponies' blood works) to remain healthy, and their own blood will not refresh them. So if a vampony is isolated from other ponies for longer than a day or two, they begin to weaken (which explains how I was able to overpower Rainbat Dash). Drinking blood also intoxicates them a great deal. Their only other weakness I'm aware of is the wolf itself, but it's a significant impairment (see the wolf for more).

vampony foals: foals are neither turned nor broken until their cute-ceañera, but they can still become vamponies. Instead of the normal method, foals lose their marbles by being reaped and tasting the wolf three times prior to their cute-ceañera. Vampony foals are not considered fixed (even though they're not yet broken) because the stain is mostly absent if a foal tastes the wolf prior to their cute-ceañera (according to Cadance, but this makes no biological sense). The only social differences are that foals must taste the wolf in order to let out the wolf, and they are not yet permitted to be Masters. Foals reaped as Masters are considered Ladies until they earn their mark, except that they are rarely referred to as cunts by their Masters. Because they haven't yet been turned, they lack the weaknesses of adult vamponies.

voidmare: a (full) alicorn vampony, of which Princess Luna is the only current example (hopefully ever, because if Celestia becomes one we're all doomed). They have vampony traits of all three common pony species, and the wolf can be blocked by a single disabling bauble of any of those types.

wildmane: a zebra vampony. Wildmanes have prehensile, stretchy hair throughout their manes and tails. Rarity isn't certain how to block the wolf for wildmanes yet, but based on information from Zecora, she suspects a tight dock ring would do the trick.

wingclip: a heavy bauble which blocks the wolf in pegasi by pinning together part of the wing's alula. The weight slows flight and makes flying a workout. The emancipated version of this bauble is lightweight and barely felt.

wolf, the: the overpowering sexual and self-expressive drive all vamponies experience. The longer a vampony goes without letting out the wolf, the harder it is for them to think clearly (Cadance says once a week is a good minimum guideline). Blocking the wolf does nothing to help with this. When a vampony does fully let out the wolf, unless they can hold the wolf they lose complete control of their body and mind and must be shackled for safety. Even Masters who are permitted to hold the wolf are barely able to control themselves. Allowing any of the wolf to come out (even the parts that can't be blocked, like enhanced senses and fangs—see letting out the wolf) makes it harder for the vampony to think rationally. This is why so many stupid mistakes have been made by the vamponies so far. See also tasting the wolf.

yoked: a relationship between owner and cunt, or between any two cunts who are owned by the same Master (long-term sister-bitches).

Day 58 (Strengths and Weaknesses)

This entry summarizes some of the conversations with Cadance that led to the Glossary being filled out, but it will probably take several entries to get current.

I woke up embraced by Princess Cadance's legs (from behind), which was psychologically very comforting despite the nightmare I'm currently trapped within. The buzzing sensation on my horn was still present, and still annoying, but easier to ignore. Even if it's stimulating an erogenous zone, I'll habituate to it eventually. (Maybe not if I were a vampony, though? It seems unlikely even then, but I'm starting to absentmindedly think of vamponies in supernatural terms rather than scientific ones, which is a very stupid thing to do.)

I was groggy and disoriented, so I think I can forgive myself for what I said under my breath.

"I love you, Cadance," I mumbled, which led to warmth in my cheeks and a tightening hug from my sister-in-law.

"I love you too, Twily," she whispered in my ear. It was slightly creepy the way she said it, but I think she meant it platonically. And it felt wonderful, nonetheless.

I pulled out of the embrace and rotated to face her. The gentle jangling sound of the heart-shaped tag on her golden collar was a constant reminder of her position in this new Order, and it, well... it peeved me, to be perfectly blunt. I think the primary reason it bothered me so much is that it reminded me that I was wearing a collar as well, and I've been trying my best to ignore that fact. At that moment, I was (and am, as I write this) critically aware of the collar and the earrings which mark me. Even though they're much easier to ignore, they bother me more than the buzzing of my horn, because it feels, psychologically speaking, like they're guiding me: holding my throat gently, tugging insistently on my ears, reminding me of what a 'cunt' I am. (At least the metal ring doesn't jangle against marble. That's probably the only thing that's kept me sane this long.)

Cadance just smiled back at me. "Did you get a good rest?" she asked.

"Yes, actually," I said. "No dreams that I can remember. The drug must have kept Princess Luna from invading my privacy again."

That was an intentional ploy, by the way. Another attempt at assuming something in order to extract more information. I probably didn't need to do it, though (in retrospect), because Team Creepy has been bizarrely forthcoming with information, as illustrated in the previous entry, this one, and (presumably) the next.

"Luna means you no harm, Twilight. She's agreed to leave you be for now, so you can dream in safety," said Cadance.

I sighed. Secretly, I felt burdened by the fact that, here I was, foalnapped and helpless, and yet they still won't force themselves upon me. I don't want them to, obviously, but being kept in this sort of "limbo" between both sides of the conflict is weighing heavily on my mind. I'm sure Brother knows this. I think he wants this to wear me down.

I'm afraid that it's working.

"Do you have any questions about the Order of Spring?" asked Cadance, gently touching my face with a hoof.

I blinked a few times. "Um, well, yeah. I still have lots of questions, and I guess there's no point at hiding my ignorance now that I'm a prisoner," I said, emphasizing that last word with some extra-syrupy sarcasm.

"You won't be for long, Twilight. It's a temporary condition," she countered in a soothing voice. "But please, ask away."

"Okay..." I said, sitting up in the bed, while Cadance remained lying down. The bed was small enough for it to be a little cramped. I paused to mentally arrange all of the missing information into a hierarchy of importance, withholding the horn-stuff that apparently Ponies Were Not Meant to Know for now. My chaperone waited patiently, a gentle smile on her muzzle. (It felt just a little smug to me, but I'm sure it's just my mind overreacting. Can you blame me? That was rhetorical, Journal, but no. No, you cannot.)

First, the most salient question (naturally). "What exactly is the Order of Spring?"

"I was fairly certain that'd be your first question, smarty-pants," said Cadance with a genuine grin. "The Order of Spring is a mixture of philosophical theory and practice which stem from following one's natural instincts, the way our forebears used to before Princess Celestia clamped down on certain kinds of information. It also refers to the powerful drive within us all, one which we vamponies are uniquely in touch with, that prompts us to follow the Order."

"Okay. Where does the name come from? I assume it refers to the fact that most mammals who aren't sapient mate in the Spring," I said. "And you all act like brainless, sex-crazed animals, so there's that."

If Candace were offended, she hid it well (which was nice—I was being kind of a bitch). She replied, "It does refer to that, but there's some history to it. It would be better for you to get it from the horse's mouth, I think."

"You mean from Princess Luna directly? Can I speak with her?" I said.

About then, there was a series of knocks on the door. I tried to open it telekinetically, then sighed again (a bit angrily this time). Right. No magic.

Princess Cadance opened the door manually. There was a nightwing standing behind the doorway, holding a tray with breakfast for two. He also stood on two feet and balanced the tray easily on his forehooves. Naturally, he also had an erection dribbling with what I assume was pre-ejaculate (I think Pinkie called that pre-cum or something), but it could have been urine or maybe some unholy mix of the two. I felt the urge to lick it off, and I quickly suppressed that urge, because that is really bucking disgusting.

I've already been familiarized with the utility of having two legs free for manipulation (it's extremely handy when you don't have a horn), and I'm starting to wonder why this strange behavior isn't taught to all vamponies. It's useful if it can be learned. I suppose we got along just fine without it for a thousand years, but still...

He set the breakfast down on a small table near the corner of the room.

"Bon appétit, Lady and cunt," he said, with a smile so cheery for a moment I worried he'd just delivered us poisoned waffles.

"Thank you, Master Moon Black," said Cadance, nodding her head. Then the nightwing 'Master' petted her mane as though she were a lost puppy. It should have turned my stomach, but it didn't. Instead, I felt envious. I still do.

I'm losing my mind, Journal, but this should go without saying.

I sat down at the little table with Cadance. It was a bit cramped, which made our rear legs bump against each other. At first, I thought it wasn't intentional, but I'm not sure why I made that bizarre leap of logic. It didn't take long for me to realize that she was... molesting me? Flirting? I don't know what to call it, and I don't suppose it mattered.

The worst part of it is that there wasn't anything erotic about what she was doing: she was just gently stroking her hoof against my ankle, and that was that. It wasn't like she was rubbing up any higher than that. It was almost like a friend offering a free massage, if the friend was a crazy nightblood monster who wanted to sink her fangs into your pussy and was doing nothing whatsoever to hide that fact from you.

I blushed, but I didn't move my leg. There wasn't a lot of room, and... well, it felt nice. I needed a hug, not this, but this was something.

"You're cute when you blush," whispered Cadance, between sips of orange juice. She batted her mascara-covered eyes at me, which only made me blush harder.

"This is so hard for me..." I said more to myself than her. She got the hint when she saw my downcast face, and she stopped.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to squick you, Twily. It's difficult, though. You're just... well, so beautiful," said Cadance.

My face soured. "Are you trying to make fun of me?" I accused.

"No!" said Cadance, holding up her forehooves. "Twilight, you are seriously attractive. I've always felt that way, I just didn't start masturbating to thinking about you until the vampony thing."

"Oh, eww." I grimaced pretty hard.

Cadance rolled her eyes. "Look, you and your brother are both really cute. I can't believe this is news to you."

"You're insane," I said, rather angrily.

"Sweetie... Can you actually look in the mirror and tell me you don't think you're pretty?" The look of sheer disbelief on her face was so strong that I couldn't interpret it as sarcasm. But it made no sense. She was nuts, I thought.

"I... I can. I'm not pretty, Cadance. I'm not anything like you, or Princess Celestia, or Rarity, or AJ, or Pinkie, or Fluttershy, or Rainbow Dash. I'm a homely bookworm. You're only saying this because you're afflicted with a mental disorder," I said.

"Oh my Stars... you, you actually mean it...?" she said, holding a hoof over her mouth. "Twilight, listen carefully to me. I'm a bookworm. Being a bookworm has nothing to do with it. What in Equestria could possibly make you think you weren't attractive?"

I started feeling more uncomfortable than when she'd been rubbing me beneath the table.

"Well, for starters, I've never even been on a date, okay?" I said, the frustration quickly rising in my voice. "Nopony approaches me to ask me out, or tries to court me, or anything. It's just like it was in school."

"Twilight, you never paid attention to anypony at school. Your brother and I both tried to get you to come out of your shell. Tartarus, don't you remember the colt who tried to ask you to the prom? You rebuffed him immediately!" said Cadance. "I had to explain to him that you didn't mean to act like that, you were just, well... married to books, basically."

I didn't remember that, but I couldn't argue it. It was true—I frequently ignored other ponies, and even answered questions without hearing them spoken all the way. "Do you wanna..." is all I needed to say "no", because all I wanted was already in my hooves.

Shit, I was pathetic. I'm so grateful to Celestia and my friends... learning the magic of friendship has meant everything. It's the only reason I'm still fighting.

"Okay, maybe. Everypony gets somepony desperate enough who's willing to try—"

"Twilight, NO."

"I mean, look at me now, okay? I'm a freaking princess and I still don't get any romantic attention!" I pounded my hoof on the table.

Cadance facehoofed. "Twilight, don't you see? That's exactly WHY," she said. "Ponies are afraid to approach you because of your status. They used to be afraid to approach you because you were Celestia's personal student. Now they're afraid to approach you because you're a princess. And they've always been afraid to approach you because of how pretty you are."

"I... I'm sorry. I just can't believe this," I said. "It's too much, especially now."

"It's fortunate that your brother was a friend I got to know while babysitting you. I'm the one that had to talk to him first," she said. "Being a princess can be a royal pain, pun intended, but not intended to detract from the seriousness of what I'm saying here. Unlike everypony else, I was able to convince him I was a normal pony. There's nothing more valuable to a princess than having her friends realize that."

Suddenly my conversation with Celestia came rushing back to my senses. "I... yeah," I whispered, taking a big bite of waffle before speaking again, because I had too much to think about. Cadance patiently waited until I finished. "That's what Celestia wanted from me, you know? It's something I've never been able to give her." My face was blank, and I felt hollow inside.

"You can give her that. And I'm not trying to shill here, but that's a big part of what the Order is for."

"How so?"

"Following the Order means we don't look at ponies based on status. We look at them based on their needs. Princess Celestia needs you to be a friend to her, not to put her on some giant altar," she said. "It took me a long time to be able to do that, and even I've been kept at leg's length. We're going to change that. She's going to be loved, Twilight. Not worshipped."

I shuddered. "I don't want to talk about this." I resumed eating, trying to shovel food in my mouth to get it over with more quickly.

"Twilight, I'm sorry. If I knew what I could do to make you feel better, I would do it in a heartbeat." She made no effort to hide the look of concern and pity resting on her muzzle.

I took a large swig of juice, then a deep breath. "Then let me go," I said, flatly.

Cadance sighed. "That wouldn't make you feel better, Twilight, and I think you know that by now. You'd still be suffering."

I stuffed my face with waffle and stared down at my plate. It wasn't like I could contradict her. She was right. Letting me go wouldn't stop my suffering. Even if I win it won't stop my suffering, will it?

Maybe I just need to die. Maybe that's all that's left for me after this. I don't know. If I can get my friends back, they'll help me make sense of all this, and I can start to feel happy again. I hope.

We finished the meal in silence, then she carried the tray out and left it just outside the door. I found a toothbrush my color in the bathroom, and one Cadance's. This was obvious enough, so I brushed my teeth (with mine—though I was tempted to be a brat about it). Then I showered, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. My body still smelled faintly of Rainbow Dash. If I could tell, every vampony within a mile could. Might as well try to preserve what little dignity I have left.

I regretted it as soon as I exited the shower. I already missed her stink. No... it was our stink. That's what I missed. Journal, I don't even care if it's gross and I'm fucked in the head, I just want some reminder of a friend who loves me, a friend I can still trust. That's who Rainbow Dash is.

Princess Cadance was brushing her teeth with my toothbrush, and I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Really? Ugh, Cadence! We can't even do hygiene right in crazy sexfuck horse utopia?!"

She spat into the sink and giggled. "I'm sorry! You can use the one that looks like me. That was kind of the intent," she said.

I facehoofed, which served the bonus purpose of masking some of my blush. "Cadance... you're getting off on using my toothbrush, aren't you?" I accused, and looked back up to her with an exasperated expression.

She looked comically taken aback, and her eyes nervously shifted left and right. "Nooooo...?" she said.

Despite all the swirling mess of emotions in my fractured mind, I couldn't help but snort a giggle. She giggled with me, and it was like everything was normal again—at least for a second or two.

Dear Celestia, how I miss you Cadence. You're right there in front of me, but I can't let myself believe it's really you or I'll give in completely.

She took me back in the room to the table. My journal was there, and also a fresh stack of scrap paper.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"Notes, of course. You'll probably want to organize the information you get from us today before transcribing it in your journal."

I frowned and sighed. "I... I just don't understand. How can you be so much like my Cadance and so different from her at the same time?"

"Different how? The point of view about sex?"

"Yes, obviously!" I said, rubbing the base of my horn with a hoof. "How did this happen to you, Cadance? Why would you let my brother do something like this?"

"We did it willingly, together, Twilight. I'm still the Cadance you've always known."

"I want to believe that."

"Then why won't you?"

I scoffed. "Well, first of all, it's a common misconception that a pony has any control over what they believe. Studies show that pony minds retroactively provide 'causes' for their behavior to justify—"

"Twilight, I know that. This is Cadance you're talking to," she said, with a dismissive frown. "Do we need to do the dance together?"

I immediately wanted to say yes just for the fun of it, but there's no bucking way "do a little shake" wouldn't turn into something grotesque.

"Give me pi to ten digits," I demanded.

She didn't even hesitate. "3.14159 and the rest don't matter unless you're trying to win the geek-of-the-year award, or else are using applied mathematics in a tightly circumscribed area where nearly-perfect circles exist, such as calculating the number of atoms in a spherical crystal of silicon."

"Okay, Sis. Er, in-Law, I mean. Let's try deeper interpretation rather than rote knowledge. In physics, what does Plug's constant represent?" I asked.

"You can call me Sis, Twily. I'd like that," she said with a soft smile. "And I don't know where you're going with this, but I'll play along, because I'm as big of a dork as my favorite little pony to sit for." Her voice became lecture-y, kind of like mine when I'm spouting facts. It's pretty cute, even though it's incredibly dorky. Maybe this is what Dash sees in me? That would be so 'awesome'. Heh.

I mean, it can't be the looks. Could it? No. It's probably just the vampony thing, and if Dash and AJ weren't mentally damaged like this, they would never want to be close to—

No. I have to stop thinking about this altogether and just write down what happened.

(I had just asked Cadance about Plug's constant.)

"The Plug constant, or Plug's constant, is the quantum of action. That is to say, it is the smallest possible rate by which energy can transfer, and energy can only transfer at integer multiples of that exact value," answered Cadance. "It isn't a literal amount in the classic sense, however, because at the quantum level where this action can exist, energy transfer does not take on specific concrete values due to the wavefunction property of particles and systems that are unentangled with an observer."

"That... that's exactly right," I said, my mouth hanging open afterwards.

"You expected less?" she asked, raising a brow.

I shook my head rapidly, not to deny the question but to try to refocus. "Okay, then let's try new learning and memory. What was the first thing I said through the door yesterday—or if you weren't present, what was the first thing you clearly heard me say?"

Princess Cadance squinted. "Wow. Okay, um... I think you said, 'If I open the door, there's no funny business'? It was close to that."

I nodded. "Pretty close, which is well within normal bounds for an intelligent pony. Question four. Long-term retr—"

"Twilight, stop. Are you doing this because you think that I'm... like, cognitively disabled?"

I pursed my lips and nervously looked down to the stack of paper I had yet to touch. "Maybe?" I said, softly.

When I looked back up, Cadance was rolling her eyes. "I'm still me, Twilight. There's no difference between who I used to be and who I am now, other than my beliefs have shifted a little, and that was mostly from experience and calm discussion."

"Cadance. Did you have the brain thing done?" I asked.

"Yes, of course," she said, with a shrug. "Being broken is the defining act of losing your marbles. The pun was Rarity's idea, by the way, but I love it—it's essential to have a good sense of humor when things are difficult."

My eyes started to tear up. "Sis, I... I don't want you to have a damaged brain!" I whined. She stepped out of her chair and walked over to hug me. I pushed her away, even though I desperately needed that hug. Instead, I hugged my own barrel with my forelegs. She didn't say anything for a few awkward seconds.

Finally, she spoke. "Losing your marbles doesn't hurt your brain, Twilight. It makes it better. I'm not lying to you."

"Then tell me exactly what the breakstone does. What does it do, and where does it come from?" I asked. "Tell me now!"

Cadance still looked hurt by my rejection. She didn't offer another hug, but she tried gingerly to touch my face with a hoof. I pulled back a little, but I quickly changed my mind and leaned my head a little toward her hoof. She touched my cheek gently. I leaned forward more, and she pulled me into her legs, right there on the floor. I cried a few tears.

It would be so much easier if she seemed like a lobotomy case. I mean, that's the opposite of what I want, but she's in there, Journal, I know she is. Almost all of this pony is the Princess Cadance I know and love. I don't even see the irrationality, apart from all the flirting.

"Do you want to cuddle on the bed?" she whispered in my ear, but this time it wasn't a creepy whisper. It was a friendly, concerned one.

"N-no, I'm okay. Th-thank you." I slowly broke the embrace and sat back down. "I think I'm ready now."

Cadance nodded, but she seemed extra-concerned. It makes sense, really. I'm totally bucking losing it here, Journal. You can only be pushed too far before you break. (That word choice was not a coincidence.)

Cadance sat down and hoofed me a quill and ink, and a small glowing gem.

"What's this for?" I asked. Curiosity momentarily staunched my emotions, and it was a welcome respite.

"Mage sight, so you can see when you write in your journal later."

I sighed and stomped a hoof. "Right, fuck. It's hard to get used to not having magic."

Cadance smiled. "Oh, it's not that bad."

"How can you even say that?" I asked.

"Some things are more important than magic, Twily. Like love. Friendship is the strongest magic there is," she said, and placed her hooves on mine. "But let's focus on the questions for now, okay?"

"Okay," I said, and I started to feel better. (Less numb, at least.)

Princess Cadance and I spent what felt like two or three hours (there was no clock in the room, probably for reasons related to my imprisonment) going over the basics of vampony culture, including the different kinds of vamponies and their innate need for blood and sex. That exchange of genetic information and emotional energy must somehow fuel the magic that allows their remarkable abilities to function. (These phenomena go far beyond what is possible by some kind of natural mutation of genetic and epigenetic factors.)

At first I didn't understand why she was being so forthcoming with this information. I assumed it must be the brain damage. But now I'm pretty sure it's because she knows I'm powerless, despite Luna's prediction (I'll get to that in the next entry). There might be other causes, though. Maybe she feels pity for me. Maybe she doesn't think vampony weaknesses are exploitable, and maybe she's right. Maybe she just wants me to know because she's tired of hiding. But each little fact I learn makes me feel like I'm being trained rather than informed.

I'm hurt and scared, Journal. I need to start swallowing my emotions entirely. Twilight Sparkle is a rock. Twilight Sparkle is a vacuum. Twilight Sparkle is an empty void.

Twilight Sparkle is a cunt?

...maybe.

I'm just going to try to be nothing at all. I'll hide all the pain and confusion in that hollowness I feel in my barrel, and I'll do it out of love for my friends. Not myself—I'm not worth fighting for. I probably never was.

There. Much better. Let's continue.

There were only two things we didn't cover that appear in the Glossary. The first one was all of the bauble stuff, because Cadance figured Rarity would want to clue me in there soon enough. The second one was that she wouldn't answer my questions about the origins of the Order. I didn't put anything about that in the Glossary, but there are probably a few details here and there about how the infection works, and all of that came from Luna. So, that's exactly what Cadance told me: I'll get to ask Princess Luna, because she knows the history better than anypony. She lived through it.

But there's more to report prior to those meetings, although with less drama from me, hopefully. I should be able to cover all of that stuff in the next entry. I'm hurrying to finish it, because apparently somepony is stopping by soon. Shining says it's somepony I know pretty well.

Please, please, please don't be Spike.

Day 58 (Details from Cadance)

Keeping my emotions in check has been difficult (to state the obvious). Sometimes I wish I didn't have them at all... but don't the virtues of friendship require maintaining an appropriate emotional balance? Isn't the feeling of altruism essential to motivate friendship properly in the first place? I need to think more about this. There aren't many options for keeping myself sane right now.

At the end of the previous entry I glossed over the Glossary stuff (pun not intended, but happily serendipitous). However, a few of the exchanges between Princess Cadance and myself are worth going back over in more detail. In particular, I refer to gender issues and other instances of vamponies being complete bucking idiots.

"Ask me questions, Twilight. We have a few hours before we'll be expected to audience with mmm, um... with your brother," said Princess Cadance.

I rolled my eyes. "Good grief... Look, you can call him Master. It's not like I'm going to get any more creeped out than I already am. So, next question: what is a Master?" (Yes, the Glossary already covers this, but the conversation below covers more ground than simple terminology.)

"A Master is a vampony who assumes the most dominant role in our society. Masters tend to be final arbiters for decision-making, but not always," she said. "They can choose to called by any title they wish, such as Mistress."

"Wait, can mares be Mistresses?" I asked. (Maybe this only meant Big Macintosh crossdressing.)

"Of course mares can be Masters," said Cadance, with a light shrug. "It's less common because the psychology of most mares is not appropriate for a Master's social role, but of course it's possible. Sex and gender aren't restricted like you're thinking. In fact, that kind of intolerance is precisely what we're trying to eradicate from society." (I remain unconvinced.)

"But do you really think stallions should run everything?" I asked. "If their psychology makes them want to be in charge, isn't that kind of ambition a potential danger to society?"

Cadance shook her head. "Ignoring the fact I never said 'stallions should run everything', ambition is not always a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with a competent stallion, like Master Prince Shining Armor, being in charge of things. It's true that ambition can push a pony into a situation they shouldn't be in, but most stallions aren't like that. Even for those who are ambitious, it's not necessarily a flaw."

I frowned. "Cadance, mares have always been in charge, and society is far better because..." I began to say, then immediately felt a tsunami of guilt smash into me. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that. The way I just said it, that sounded... like, really sexist." I closed my eyes and scrunched up my muzzle in self-directed anger.

"Forgive me, Twily, but that sounded sexist because it was sexist," she accused. "It's okay, though! We all have something to learn, even alicorns with centuries of experience like Celestia and Luna. You should try to think more carefully about where those opinions come from so that you can keep a more open mind about stallions. They're our fathers, our brothers, our sons, our neighbors, our guards, our workers, and our husbands. Very few are bad ponies, and they're nothing alike one another, either: you can't stereotype them uniformly. Comparing stallions to mares is no different than comparing pegasi to unicorns."

I opened my eyes, but kept my gaze low. "Okay, I'm sorry, you're right. There's nothing wrong with a stallion being in a position of authority," I admitted. "And actually, I'd even be open to the idea of an alicorn prince, if that's somehow possible. If not for all this vampony stuff, I think it'd be pretty cool to see my BBBFF with a set of wings." I smiled shyly.

I was trying to be egregiously progressive-sounding, but after I said it, I realized that I actually meant it! There isn't anything wrong with that line of reasoning, is there? Throughout this mess, I've been thinking that stallions were just controlled by their balls, and that this was the whole problem with the Order. But mares can be just as thoughtless, and just as horny. (I've finally learned that Cadance was right all along about 'tuning' mares.) And on the converse side, being a stallion doesn't mean you have to be like that. I don't think Brother was like this at all before being infected. He's always been sensible. Being male isn't his problem. Being male isn't a problem at all.

Sweet Celestia, how I miss the Shining Armor I used to know. I used to feel so safe in his legs, and I probably never will again. I'm going to cry if I keep writing about this...

I was staring into space a while, lost in my thoughts. Cadance finally interrupted the silence. "I think that's a great idea, Twily, and I'd love to see it happen too," she said in a soft, soothing voice. "Now, would you like to hear the rest of the terminology used by the Order?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding my head. Then I looked up into Princess Cadance's gentle eyes, and I paused again in thought.

I had forgotten how much her eyes resembled mine: they're the same color, except hers are a little lighter in shade. But Cadance's eyes also look like Princess Celestia's eyes, manely because of how she does her makeup. She looks a little like both of us, so it's not surprising that I've always seen both of us within her. As a foal, I used to think of Cadance as a kind of living "bridge" between myself and Celestia. She was a model of who I could be if I tried my very hardest. Even though I didn't have royal blood like my foalsitter did, maybe I could become an alicorn too, in similar fashion: by doing my absolute best, and never giving up. Because of Cadance's guidance and the bar she set for me, I proved it was possible. Today, looking into her eyes is like looking into a mirror. (Well, except that in the mirror, I'm wearing a gold collar and fucking my own brother.)

I achieved what Princess Cadance did, and perhaps I've even outdone her in some ways. However, I still look up to Princess Celestia. She's unreachably high above me—forever beyond my grasp, or anypony else's. Even my comprehension of who and what she is... I know virtually nothing more of her today than I did on that fateful day I met her.

Did I ever truly make you proud of me? How have I done, Celestia? Why won't you tell me anymore?

As mentioned previously, the terminology we discussed is available in the Glossary. After my questions to disambiguate the various terms had been answered, I still had more to ask—and debate.

"I guess I understand what you mean by 'cunt' and 'bitch'... but it doesn't matter what you want those words to mean. Those are unacceptable terms for a mare," I said. "They're demeaning. They treat the mare like she's some kind of object for a stallion's pleasure."

"Cunts aren't always mares, Twily, but they love being called 'cunt'. That's what makes them cunts," said Cadance.

My brow wrinkled as I tried to parse what she said. Was that a circular argument? I wasn't sure. But, loathe as I am to admit this, I suspect I might be a 'cunt', by that definition. Deep down, it feels like Cadance calling me that... is right, somehow. Or Shining Armor. Okay, especially Shining Armor.

Now, I need to be clear: I don't have the slightest clue why I feel this way. Clearly, I will need extensive therapy after this nightmare. And to face the cold, hard facts, maybe I'm already 'broken' to the point where I can't be fixed again. It's likely I'm permanently screwed up and unfit to live anywhere other ponies exist. Maybe I'll go live alone on a deserted isle after I've saved Equestria this one, final time. Such a sad fate for the Princess of Friendship, right? Boo hoo, whatever. It's not like I don't deserve the cards I've been dealt. I'm pretty sure I've earned this suffering a hundred times over by allowing myself to sink into the depravity that's ruined my mind and heart. Bleah... I hope I can stop this self-deprecation someday, even if I am already ruined.

"So what about the materials?" I said, trying to change the topic. "I'm guessing your gold collar means you're a Lady, and if so, you're probably emancipated? Or at least your wings are?"

Cadance beamed, and I felt mildly proud. Then, somehow, I felt ashamed for feeling proud, both feelings tugging at my heartstrings at the same time. (Journal, I never knew there were so many bizarre combinations of emotions until this whole mess started. I am currently testing the limits of pony sanity, and I have no idea how I'll know when I finally go insane. It's probably already happened.)

"That's almost right. I'm actually not emancipated, because these clips are the heavier kind. Baubles that damage your ability to use your body long-term aren't the only ones available for non-emancipated mares. It really depends on how much freedom Master wishes you to have. Being emancipated is a step further than wearing baubles which encumber you: it means you have no encumbrance whatsoever," said Cadance. "Your baubles still block the wolf, but they don't impair your abilities at all. For example, hollows are shoes for earth ponies which block manumancy, and hobblers are hollows which also weigh several stones apiece. Emancipated earth pony shoes are just tight shoes that constrict the hoof enough to block the wolf, without being heavy or blocking manumantic grip."

"I don't really understand all the baubles yet," I said. "You said Rarity was going to give me more information on them—and on the materials used for badging. Will that be later today?"

"It should be, yes. But even without that information, you're starting to pick up on some of the nuances already. Very good, Twily!" said Cadance, and she smiled brightly as she reached out and stroked my mane. It felt like I was a dog being praised for taking a crap in the right place.

The horrifying thing? I enjoyed being praised like this, and I smiled a silly smile despite all the shame welling within my gut. If I were a vampony, that shame wouldn't be there anymore, and obeying... it would be automatic, wouldn't it?

I feel so desperate to please others, Journal. Nearly my entire life, I've been trying with all my might to please Princess Celestia. And now that I have friends, I need to please them, too. It's so important, I can't accurately quantify it. It's more important to me than the blood pumping through my veins and arteries.

I need the ponies I care about to be happy with me. Maybe even ponies I don't care about, to be honest. I want Cadance to be happy with me right now, even though she's completely insane. I need her to love me. That need for love is primal and unhealthy, but it's a big part of who I am. It makes me think and act irrationally, and it's dangerous. It is my largest flaw, and yet at the same time, it is my most defining personality trait. I don't think I can ever change it. I'd clearly be a better pony if I did, but I'd also be a totally different pony from Twilight Sparkle.

Pinkie Pie is like this too, and she might even be worse than I am in some ways. I think it's what we have most in common. I understand all this now, and my captors do, too, I'm certain. I think Shining always knew what I needed. If he hadn't come on so strong, and I hadn't been so anti-sex... Maybe I would have been persuaded at that fateful dinner.

Dear Sun and Moon, I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.

Cadance continued her praise. "I'm very proud of you, Twily," she said as my cheeks continued to redden. "Until you get a chance for some one-on-one with the Bearer of Generosity, you can ask me about somepony's badging if you aren't sure. I'll give you all the details."

(Note: I do like the exactness of the definitions I've learned, even if some terms are only usable by certain ponies in certain situations. I'm comforted by things like this, Journal. Definitions that aren't ambiguous are things I can understand and correctly apply, even if I don't know the details of what they mean. I can latch onto them in a way that doesn't result in confusion. I'm surprised the Order has such structured elements within it, given how chaotic everything else seems to be.)

I took a deep, cleansing breath. "Honestly, Sis? This sounds more well thought-out and organized than I expected." My voice no doubt betrayed my surprise, but I continued, "So, if I were a... a c-cunt, then I could refer to you as a Lady, but not as a cunt?"

Cadance nodded. "The terms we use are still evolving, but that's the idea. If we were both owned by Master Shining, and were both Ladies or both lost ones, you could call me sister-bitch."

I snorted a laugh, unable to suppress it. "Sorry—it sounded for a moment like you were saying, 'You can call me Sister, bitch!' That's hilarious."

"Well, I suppose that's true too," said Cadance. "Technically I shouldn't call you my bitch unless you're under my control, though..."

Before I had a clue what was happening, my former foalsitter had picked me up in her legs, tossed me onto the bed, jumped up on the bed herself, and cuddled up next to me. As she pulled me into a close snuggle, I nearly panicked. My heart was beating a thousand times per minute (not really, but it felt that way), and then she gently nosed at my ear.

I closed my eyes as her warm breath tickled my ear. "Would you like me to control you, Twily?" came the tender, breathy whisper... punctuated by a tiny kiss to my cheek, and a gentle tug on the back of my marble collar.

Holy fucking shit.

I've never felt anything like this in my life. Not remotely. And I'm including all the obscene and weird sex from before. My heart caved, Journal. I wanted to scream "YES!" with all my strength. I wanted her, to force me, to ask her, to become a vampony. I'm pretty sure it would have worked. I still want it to happen, even now; even though I can't bring myself to ask her for this of my own free will (thank goodness). The intense validation I imagine from being told to accept things as they are, it's simply indescribable. I don't have words I can write that will do it justice. I don't think those words exist in the dictionary.... no, they don't exist. I'm certain of it. Language itself cannot accurately convey that... that kind of sensation. It's completely and wholly insufficient for the task.

Of course, none of what was happening to me was my fault, was it? I couldn't help what my subconscious mind was hoping. I couldn't help how I felt. I couldn't help my body's natural reactions. I was powerless to all of these things, and I was powerless here in bed with my Sister-in-law and very close friend.

That's when I felt the moisture cooling against my lower thighs as it seeped through my coat, right where the plump, rounded prominence of my vulva rubbed against the bedsheets as I gripped them firmly between my hind knees. And it wasn't disgusting to me at all, even though it meant these sheets would obviously need to be washed for sanitary reasons. It was wonderful, and the crazy thing was it wasn't just the feeling that was wonderful, but something logical, something I couldn't quite put my hoof on. Something objective. It was just... beautiful, even to my mangled sense of right and wrong. It was an amazing and holistic connection taking root right there inside my stupid, damaged, confused, and overly-emotional brain.

Naturally, there was no way to hide my arousal from a vampony—especially when I was quite literally a dripping faucet. Cadance knew exactly what effects her voice and gentle touch were having on my heart; and I knew that; and she knew I knew; and I knew that, as well. We were both smart enough to recurse that knowledge to infinity in the space of a sudden, awestruck, leg-shivering Twilight Sparkle gasp.

At that moment, my mind raced in a futile attempt to make sense of all this. Was it mere arousal that led Cadance to act like this? Had she been honest when she said she thought I was 'pretty'? I still can't believe that arousal can make you do all the crazy stuff she'd already done. It had to be the lobotomy thing that caused Princess Cadance to decide chopping off her horn and giving all the decision-making power to her husband was a good idea (let alone allowing him to launch a preemptive war on two nation-states). I don't think simply being a vampony could make you do things that stupid or crazy. There's something more behind this. There just has to be.

No matter how sexed-up a curse or mutation or a collection of hormones makes you, sex by itself won't cause you to make mistakes like that. It might make you want to fuck your parents, I'll reluctantly admit, but sexual desire doesn't inherently make you stupider. I think I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed with sex at this point (even though I've never been full-vampony). Sex feelings are a turn-on, and a distraction, and they could lead me to make a mistake while I'm having sex; e.g., letting Dash or Pinkie turn me into a vampony (which I wanted to happen in both cases), or maybe doing something illegal (sexually) like having sex in a Manehattan elevator, or (I really hope not, but maybe) even chopping my horn off. But those are all split-second stupid decisions I could only make when I'm on the edge of a powerful orgasm. There's no way vamponies are constantly on the edge of orgasm. I can tell just by looking at them and talking to them.

The point I'm trying to get to is that sex doesn't make me less rational when it comes to a long-term decision, such as anything that requires thought and planning. No amount of sex could convince me that it isn't wrong to fuck foals (I hate using this language, I really do, but I need to be forceful about this), and even in the heat of the moment there are clear limits—arousal couldn't make me do something insanely stupid like shoving a cactus up my butt (ow, ow, crap—I'm already regretting that example).

But if sex isn't doing this, then what is? Are ponies' brains being reprogrammed in some fashion? Is this all some sort of elaborate game? Are ponies being possessed by some other entity, sort of like an intangible changeling? I've tried speculating, but I can't even brainstorm a single, realistic-sounding possibility. This leads me to an unfortunate conclusion: sex is a part of this in ways I don't yet have the sexual experience to fully understand. I don't think there's any hope of me understanding why Cadance chopped off her horn, at least not in the near term. I don't know what to do if my friends are acting on a completely different logical wavelength, because we can't truly communicate to one another if that's the case. Somepony has to make a breakthrough to allow understanding to pass from one side to the other, and I have significant doubts that the pony who does will be Twilight Sparkle. I don't think I have any realistic hope of convincing Brother that what he's doing is wrong, no matter how many lectures I give him, and that's very distressing.

I hope this nightmare won't require actual violence, but it probably won't matter. My friends don't want to hurt me, clearly, despite them doing it over and over again. And I'm fairly certain I couldn't hurt my friends... especially not when they think they're helping me.

My mind wandered like crazy as I cuddled with Sis. She held me gently but firmly, kissed my cheeks, and stroked my mane and withers. I didn't respond to her question, because I couldn't respond to it. This was all too much for me. All I could do was tuck my muzzle firmly underneath her chin, and hold on to her for dear life.

So, for a short while, I cuddled silently with Sis as she doted on me. I felt bad for not responding to the question she'd asked, especially since I really wanted to tell her how I truly felt. Fortunately, judging by the motherly smile on her face as we lay there in mutual bliss, she didn't seem to need a response.

She already knew.

I might have given in entirely if we'd spent longer than an hour there together, but fortunately, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," said Princess Cadance.

It was Moon Black again. "Your audience is now requested, Princess Twilight Sparkle. You may come as well, Lady Cadance."

And off we went. I left this journal and the invisible ink in the bedroom, opting to take the note paper with me instead. I knew I was going to need to organize things before I'd want to write them down in the journal, especially since I hadn't learned enough out the baubles or materials yet, and I still had questions about the Breakstone. In theory, Rarity and Princess Luna were prepared to give me "answers".

I put "answers" in scare quotes above, because at the time, I wasn't optimistic. I didn't expect anything rational to come out of these conversations. But more importantly, I was very afraid the answers would be rational. What if Brother is in the right, in some bizarre way? Could I be convinced to become a crazy idiot filly fuck-machine wasting her time exchanging bodily fluids in an unhygienic manner? Of course not. Right? But in my mind, I still keep turning over the possibility, even though I know the chance of this is exactly zero. I think that ridiculous hope is still there inside me because it would explain everything else if somehow his actions made sense. But... there's just no way that all of this, and that Shining Armor himself, isn't totally batshit (pun intended) crazy. It's just impossible.

Right?

This entry is getting fairly long, so I'll break here. The next entry (or maybe two, if I keep going long) will cover my interactions with Rarity and Luna, at which point I'll finally be caught up on everything (Luna is waiting patiently for me to finish these entries so that she can finally tell me her story).

Day 58 (Helped in a Flash)

When we entered the meeting room, I was surprised to see that Princess Luna and Rarity weren't there yet. There were only three stallions here (not counting Moon Black): Shining Armor, Flash Sentry, and a second nightwing I had not yet been introduced to. All the stallions (including Moon Black) were wearing a small onyx earring at the base of each ear.

The nightwings were otherwise nude, but Flash had on a thin onyx collar and a black denim jacket. My brother was wearing his Equestrian royal armor, despite the obvious fact that he rules a different kingdom now. As a former Captain in good standing, he is entitled to wear Equestrian armor as long as he isn't misrepresenting himself in an official capacity (which he currently is, I sadly suspect). I've already described what Cadance and I were wearing (a couple of entries back).

This room housed a large, central table (very long and reasonably thin, like a grand dining table), and there was a lot of extra space for pacing about. I suspected this was a "situation room" of sorts, partly from the layout, partly by context, and partly because Princess Celestia had never shown me this part of Canterlot Castle.

I tried to use my horn to peek at Moon Black's earrings. The empty void of magic sense (along with the incessant buzzing at the base of my skull which now commanded my attention) served as a bitter reminder of my disability. It's hard to get used to not having access to magic (I've already done this numerous times throughout the day). To be fair, most unicorns do rely on magic too much. As a pegacorn, I'm certainly no exception.

The mood in the room was tense. Flash Sentry seemed relaxed, and he winked at me as I entered, which should have creeped me out but instead made me blush and feel giddy for some reason. I guess it was the idea he might find me attractive, but I highly doubt this was the case. Unlike Flash, the other three stallions appeared stressed to the gills. Nopony was using what Cadance had called "the stance", either. I suspected that Brother was trying to be on his best behavior because he was worried about me reacting negatively to my confinement. I felt sorry for him (and I still kind of do, stupid though that may be).

"Hay, Babe," he said to Cadance, who quickly trotted around the table to tightly embrace her Master. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a lot less certain about things now that Cadance was no longer right by my side. It hurt, even though it wasn't a gesture that had been aimed at me.

"And you too, LSBFF," he added to me. "I hope your arrangements have been comfortable." I opened my eyes, and saw him staring at me. He had a very nervous smile.

"They're... fine," I said, unsure whether I meant it. "And to kill this tension, I obviously can tell you're going to a lot of trouble to avoid freaking me out, and I want you to know it's okay. At this point I'm not going to be squicked by anything short of the grotesque." (I would later regret making this false claim.)

It worked! Everypony relaxed. Shoulders slumped, smiles returned, and the social guards of everypony seemed to drop. (Idea: what if vamponies are as easily manipulated as sex-naive ponies like myself? Would that give us the upper hoof?) Both nightwings took the Master stance, doubling in height as they stretched their upper legs in the air. Cocks emerged from sheathes, including Brother's, but he and Flash remained on all-fours rather than standing upright like an awkward, partly-shaved rainbow monkey. Flash Sentry's cock had already been erect when I'd arrived, though. I guess I didn't mention Flash's "sentry" (heh) being at attention at the start of this entry, because WHY THE BUCK WOULD I WANT TO MENTION SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

(I really hope ponies in other dimensions aren't reading this. If they are, at this point you are all officially perverts beyond compare. Yeah, I'm talking about you, unscrupulous pony reader. Shame on you!)

Flash was the first to say anything. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, the pony standing over there is Master Shadowbane. He's Lady... er, Princess Luna's owner," he explained.

Shadowbane smiled, took a slight bow, and waved with one batty wing. "It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Princess Twilight Sparkle," he said, in a voice with a vague foreign-sounding accent (a very attractive one, at least to my currently and hopefully forever non-poofy ear). I noticed that Moon Black and Shadowbane looked quite a bit alike: both had dark gray pelts and dark manes, along with muscular barrels and legs that seemed... interesting, for some reason. However, Moon Black's mane was coal-black and short-cropped, whereas Shadowbane's was navy blue with silvery streaks, slightly curled, and long (for a stallion). I suspect it may be harder for me to pick up on variations in nightwing appearance because I haven't met many. Facial and muzzle recognition are innate to ponies, naturally, but it's easy to miss subtle differences that stand out among people from a different culture if you haven't spent enough time around them.

Shining Armor kissed his wife on the cheek, then turned back to stare at me from across the table. "Hay, um, Twily... It's totally okay if you say no, but... could... would you mind if I gave you a hug?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes, then walked slowly around the large table and up to my insane brother and his equally-insane wife (heh, I think "batty" is an amusing pun for "insane vampony", but I'm pretty sure nightwings who aren't nightborns would consider that super-racist). They quickly sandwiched me in a warm glomp, which felt nicer than I wanted them to know. When they pulled back, I could see my brother was holding back tears.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Sis," he said. "Oh, and there's somepony else who wants to see you, too."

"Is this the friend you were talking about?" I asked Cadance.

She shook her head. "No, she'll be by later this evening." Internally, I felt relieved, because 'she' means it can't be Spike. (Well, probably. Bleah. I have no desire to ponder this further, since the mystery mare still hasn't shown up as of this writing.)

Moon Black walked up to one of the side doors and opened it, and in stepped two distraught-looking ponies who I know even better than my closest friends.

"Twilight?" gasped Mom. She and Dad trotted up to me. Mom looked like she was about to jump on me out of desperation. She wore her coppers, and Dad was nude and erect (of course), but on all fours.

Dad blocked her with a hoof. "No, Velvet," he said.

"Oh, Little Tee, we're so sorry!" Twilight Velvet blurted out, tearing up. "This is all my fault—"

"We've been over this, dear. It isn't your fault," said Night Light, his face showing the same lines of worry. He kissed her cheek. "If anything, it's mine, because I'm the Master between us. But neither of us wanted this to happen, and our daughter surely understands this."

Mom closed her eyes tightly and nodded, brushing tears from her cheek with a handkerchief.

"We really did screw things up, Sparkle," said Dad, looking up to me. "We're just happy you're okay. We were afraid we might have..." he stopped, his voice choking up.

I expelled an irritated sigh and walked up to them both for a hug. This was dirty play, Journal. It probably wasn't intentional, but they were making me feel guilty for my rape! I wasn't going to tolerate it, but... in the middle of an emotional hug was not the time.

My parents held me tighter than Bro and Sis had, and I held them back. I still miss them, Journal. I miss them more than anything. But these ponies, in my legs... I won't believe they're my parents. I can't. If I do, I'll just give in to the Order right then and there, because my parents are ponies I trust, more than any other. (Well, except for Applejack or Rainbow Dash, I suppose. And the most trustworthy pony of them all, Princess Celestia. But Mom and Dad are up there near the very top.)

After I pulled back, I frowned and looked up to them. "You guys okay?" I asked, half-heartedly.

"We're wonderful, Princess," said Dad. "Everything right now is perfect, except for the mistakes we've made with you."

"Raping me was not 'a mistake'," I said. "Er, wait. You know what I meant. Rape isn't a mistake, it's an intentional."

"But, but... you enjoyed being close to us, sweetie," said Mom, and Dad yanked down sharply on her collar. "...I'm sorry, Master," she whispered, face downcast.

"It's fine," he said. "But we need to focus on Sparkle's needs now. If she feels like we violated her, then we did. Not intentionally, however." He looked right at me when he said that, his brow wrinkled in exasperation. I looked back at Night Light, feeling equally incapable of sorting this out.

"Okay, family, can we face the obvious truth? It doesn't matter what any of us are going to say. There's no way I can convince you that you've gone insane, and there's no way you can convince me that you aren't. Yes, obviously, I grok that you were trying to help me. That's what makes this thing so difficult. None of you," I said, motioning to the entire room, "are intentionally being evil. But that doesn't mitigate any of the things you've done to me. You're all so fucked up in the head you think sexual assault on your own daughter is somehow acceptable, let alone a good thing! My parents have been replaced by two ponies who look and sound like them, but... you're not them. You can't be. I really don't know who you are."

A deafening silence filled the air. I sniffed, and realized I'd started crying at some point. Then Mom looked up to Dad with expectant eyes, and he nodded back at her. She stepped forward a little, lifted her head up high and wiped away a tear of her own. Then she spoke.

"Little Tee, I promise you, Mother to Daughter, that everypony else in this room firmly believes you would have been as happy as the day you'd earned your mark if you had simply submitted to the Order from the outset. We honestly, truthfully believe that. And even now, we still believe you will be that happy once you finally accept your place," said Twilight Velvet. She smiled, belying her bloodshot, tear-filled eyes. "We shouldn't have tried to force you, but that damage has been done. Now we need to earn back your trust. I'm not sure how we can do that, but we will be a family again, and your friends will join us, and life will go on. Love is going to win this conflict, honey." After the mini-speech, Mom stood back a pace, but kept her eyes locked on mine.

Nopony spoke, so I took that as my cue. I rolled my eyes and shook my head before speaking. "Look... I love you, Mom and Dad. Fine, I know you're in there somewhere. I just... I can't support foal molestation. That's really the bottom line, that and my duty to Princess Celestia and Spike."

"Twily..." said Shining Armor, "would you still feel this way if Princess Celestia willingly submits to the Order?"

I paused in thought for a moment, then I turned to face my brother. "If Celestia willingly submits to you, of her own sound mind and body, then yes. I suppose that would do it, because I wouldn't have anything left," I said, holding back another volley of tears. "Even if I couldn't understand any of this, I would be forced to believe her. But that's irrelevant, because she will not submit. Princess Celestia is the strongest pony in two kingdoms. In multiple senses of 'strong'. Under no circumstance would she ever support fucking children, or siblings, or any of the crazy fluid-swapping games you play."

I thought I nailed it, but there were sighs of relief all around. Shining Armor and Cadance grinned wide.

"That's incredible news!" said Shining, as Cadance hugged his shoulders. "We're already certain that Celestia will submit to the Order. If you still have faith in Celestia, it doesn't matter that you've given up on your friends and family. Once she submits, you can finally stop suffering—which is what all of us want. Then you can have your life back again, only better than you've ever imagined."

Those words bit me deeply. Once again, I was tempted to give in, to ask my family to turn me, right then and there. I mean, if they're right about any of this, even the tiniest piece of it, then what's the bucking point of all the torture I'm putting myself through? There's nothing noble about having to manage these horrid, radioactive emotions! Nothing! Nothing at all! I hate this!

And yet, I must persist.

I can't betray Princess Celestia. I just can't do it, under any circumstance. I also can't do it to Spike, or to any of the other foals in Equestria. But, mostly, I can't do it to Celestia.

I realize something valuable as I'm writing these words, something new that reframes my place in this conflict. Princess Celestia is my Master, Journal. Even after she abandoned me as my mentor, which pains me to this moment, I accept her completely. I shall continue to fight, and I shall continue to do whatever she may ask (or demand) of me. No matter what. No exceptions. That form of submission is what will keep me going through this time of darkness. My sweet Celestia is the only Order this pegacorn needs. She is my purpose in life. I shan't be dissuaded by anypony or anything else. I belong to that beautiful alicorn, all of me: mind, body, heart, and soul.

(I meant "beautiful" non-sexually, of course. Obviously.)

Anyway, I wasn't in the mood for pointless arguing about somepony who wasn't there to defend herself. "I guess we'll find out," is all I said. Then I took a nearby chair and sat down in it (facing my family, not the table). Cadance took a seat beside me so she could rub up against me, which was awkward, but not nearly as awkward as what happened next... something so disturbing, I wouldn't even notice when Cadance began to molest my body.

Dad took the stance, and so did Brother. It appeared they were rearing up for a two-legged hug. "Wonderful to see you, Son," he said, with a mischievous grin.

"Heh. You know it, Dad." Then they embraced. A normal, friendly, family hug between fath—

WHAT. THE. EVER. LOVING. FUCK.

My father and brother started making out, right in front of me.

My brain froze. I didn't know what to think. The image before my eyes made no sense whatsoever. Erect cocks, glistening with oil, or precum, or something, pressing and rolling against one another, as two stallions I thought I knew better than anypony else... well, as they 'went at it'. Just like that. Hooves gripped and squeezed asses. Tongues wrestled. Literally, wrestled: forceful jostling on both sides, like a couple of dominant Rainbow Dashes. And the sounds of pleasure were completely unmistakeable.

"The... but, but... they're both stallions," I said aloud, my voice catching. To everypony else, it was like the sheer unreality of this was somehow not the most obvious thing in the world.

"They certainly are," said Princess Cadance, teasing a hoof along my ribcage. "You're very observant, Twilight." (The sarcasm was pretty thick.)

"But this makes no bucking sense? Why, Cadance? They're Masters! Why would Masters do this? Why would stallions ever want to do something like... like this to each other?" I asked, looking at my Sis-in-law, my face no doubt a mask of confusion.

The look of incredulity and pity that followed is the one facial expression I've come to dread most from vamponies.

"Fine, nevermind," I growled, feeling ignorant and stupid. My cheeks would have burned, had they not already been on fire like the rosy morning Sun.

It took Cadance a moment to recover from the shock of my naivete, but then she smiled gently and hugged me close. "Shhh," she whispered. "Just watch, and learn."

That's about when Mom came over and sat in a chair on my other side, flanking me, as all three Twilight mares (yes, Cadance counts) sat watching this family atrocity. It was like the three of us were sitting in an X-rated movie theater, less than a meter from the screen, as Cadance 'put the moves' on her own sister-in-law. (If Pinkie Pie had been here, I have no doubt she would be eating popcorn, even though there's no popcorn anywhere near this freak show. That's just Pinkie. Ugh... I miss her too.)

But guess what? As if that weren't bad enough, it gets much, much worse: my dear, sainted mother started openly masturbating! Right next to me, cutie mark to cutie mark! At least Cadance had the dignity and/or fortitude to resist doing that, although maybe masturbating would have been less creepy than how she was molesting me. No, wait; I take that back. Being molested was distracting me from the unknowable eldritch abomination on display, and that was very much welcome. It's true. Things were so bad, I was actually relieved that Sis was molesting me.

"Mom, do you have to do that?" I whined.

"Yes," she said, blushing. "You should try it, sweetie. I can tell you're aroused. You need to learn to love yourself, Little Tee. Would you like me to help?"

"No! I don't want to be aroused by this," I whispered. "Besides, this is infidelity! How can either of you stand to see your husbands cheating on you?" (Twilight Velvet rolled her eyes in response, though I couldn't tell whether it was out of lust, or open contempt in her daughter.)

Princess Cadance stifled a giggle, but poorly. "Twily... for Heavens' sake, I'm not jealous of Daddy!" she said. (Excuse me, but you meant Father-in-Law, you crazy bucking mare.) "That's just silly. And why would your mother be jealous of her own son? How does that make any sense? Seriously!"

She was right about one thing: I didn't have a clue how that made any sense. But that's only because NONE of this made any Sun-damn sense!

I looked to the other side, where Mom was licking and sniffing one extremely wet hoof. I tried to retreat mentally into a quiet place where I couldn't notice any of this unacceptable behavior. It wasn't working. Cadance gently stroked my nipples, and I felt myself getting hornier. And the noises, dear Stars above! The noises were so... raunchy, so filthy, yet they tickled my innards in impossible ways, and I can't understand why. I don't like this perversion, I don't... I CAN'T feel this way about my family, Journal. I refuse to.

Dad pulled free from the kiss and licked his own lips with his whiplike vampony tongue. "Oh fuck, Son. I want that thick horsecock of yours pounding my throat, right the fuck now," he snarled with a devious smile plastered across his muzzle. Night Light gripped the flared head of his son's penis with both forehooves, squeezing and kneading at it, while a clear liquid (precum, I would think) spurted and bubbled out the spigot and drenched its sides.

Brother moaned in pleasure, snorting roughly as he bore his glinting fangs into display. He performed 'the snarl' along with Dad as they continued to lewdly grope each other. If Cadance is to be believed, the snarl meant that my father and brother were releasing sex pheromones into the air to help make them want to fuck each other even more, because I guess being so fucking horny for your own dad's horsedick that you'll publicly start fucking him in front of family and total strangers isn't deranged enough for the Order! It seems that if you're a vampony, you need EVEN MORE JUSTIFICATION to fuck your own dad—so there's actually a special sixth sense whose entire purpose is to heap additional dadfucking reasons onto the insanity-dadfuck pile, even though you were ALREADY in the process of aggressively fucking your father in public!!!

...dear, sweet Celestia.

I can't believe ponies have access to true pheromones for a litany of reasons, but there was definitely a scent in the air. Not only was this a basic, non-pheromone-related scent, it was easily detectable with my non-vampony sense of olfaction. And it wasn't one scent, but a lot of distinguishable smells all mixed together. I could smell a veritable potpourri of foulness assaulting my flaring nostrils, all at the same time. Mom's pussy was the largest of the lot, and it was pretty overwhelming. She seemed to enjoy sucking on her filthy hoof while looking sidelong for my reaction, and I couldn't understand why something that smelled that fucking terrible was also making me wet.

The smell of sweaty cock was heavy in the air, naturally. I recognized this as what I smelled from Thunderlane. Scent is intimately tied to memory, and that musky flavor in the air sent me flying right back in time to when I was crouched under that poor colt's flanks. And there was another related odor on display, mingling with the cockstink. This one was rather nice, by comparison. It smelled walnut-like, with a little bitterness. I'm pretty sure most of that was produced by the precum, and whatever bacteria or urine or bile had accompanied the vile concoction as it oozed up and out, into the light of day where it had no business being, whatsoever.

Despite the violent attack on my senses, I could NOT move from my seat. I was entirely transfixed by what I was experiencing. I don't understand why, Journal. As the monstrosity before my eyes continued, Cadance kept stroking my teats, and then she started kissing the side of my muzzle. "This is love, Twilight. It's beautiful," she whispered in my ear. "This is right. Daddy and Master Shining love each other, the way all good fathers and sons should." My vulva twitched and winked, and my body started shivering like I was sitting on a block of ice. I was about ready to pop. I'm not sure if I mean "orgasm", or "physically explode into tiny, gory Twilight bits", but I had long-since passed the redline.

Shining looked over to me with a smile, then the smile faded. "Ah, Dad... we should probably take this outside," he said, panting deeply as his cock bobbed and drooled in the air.

Night Light frowned, but leaned down and sucked the wetness from my brother's cock. He swallowed, eyes rolling blissfully back in his head, and kissed the tip of his son's erection. "Yeah, don't want to squick Twily, I know," he said, his voice somewhat gravelly. "But you owe me that sweet fucking ass of yours later tonight, son."

As Dad turned to leave, Shining Armor playfully spanked his butt with a hoof. Mom stood up and winked at me, then left with him. I just sat there in my chair, totally dumbstruck.

"I don't understand any of this," I said, as Brother returned to all fours and Cadance rose to kiss his cheek.

"Don't worry, Twily. You will," said Shining Armor, with a knowing smile.

Oh Sun and Moon above. Please, please, PLEASE NO. Oh fuck no.

My parents left the room in good spirits (I suppose I prefer them to leave happy rather than distraught over my safety, but horsefeathers, was that disturbing). I walked to the other side of the room to get some space from the smell and from being next to my crazy family.

But then something equally delightful (sarcasm-o-meter: extreme) happened. Princess Cadance and Shining Armor started having sex, out of nowhere. Not just kissing like Dad did, or masturbating like Mom did. I'm talking full-blown, loud, messy, kinky sex. Naturally I didn't watch, even though they were doing it right there in the open where everypony (myself included) could bear witness to it. This time it wasn't happening a meter away from my muzzle, so I was easily able to look away.

Honestly, I'd rather not describe it at all, but I need to at least point out some of the bizarre aspects of their obscenity. Naturally I asked to leave the room, but Moon Black shook his head, and Flash Sentry took charge of watching me. Oh, and the best part (this is also sarcasm): Cadance asked me to join in. Come help me fuck your brother, Twilight! Hooray! She asked me at least a dozen times. And it didn't help much that I wasn't watching them, because the moaning and thrusting and squirting noises were completely inescapable, even with my hooves over my ears. (I was very glad I'd moved to the other side of the room, because I'm pretty sure large quantities of bodily fluids were getting all over the place back there.)

Even though I'm not comfortable with the details, I should at least mention that I think my Brother was penetrating... um... his wife's asshole. Yeah. Like, not her vagina, where the nasty thing is actually supposed to go, but the place poop comes out? You know the one, right? I wasn't looking, I swear, but I could hear them moaning about it a few times, and also there was something about Cadance's horn, which was probably up her own ass again at some point during the horror show because oh, why the fuck not.

But wait: there's more! Both nightwings were masturbating (Flash called this 'jacking off'). Which wouldn't have been a big deal, except they were doing it onto my brother and his wife. Like, they were launching these thick, ropey streams of semen (regrettably, I did see some of that, because I didn't understand what they were doing over there at first), splattering their nasty batfuckseed all over my family's royal, married, already-in-the-process-of-fucking bodies. So that happened too. Holy horseshit, that actually happened. I couldn't make something like this up, Journal. And I am one-thousand and twelve percent done. (Exaggeration, obviously... but not by much.)

My poor mind was reeling. I was disgusted. Yet, somehow, I was horny as Tartarus. And I was disgusted by the fact that I was horny as Tartarus. This isn't something I ever wanted to experience. On the bright side, it's helped to steel my resolve against the vampony menace. All I have to do is accidentally have a flashback to some part of this, and after gritting my teeth in nausea, I immediately know I'm in the right.

I just can't think about it for very long, or it... it starts to... ugh.

Never mind, Journal.

Fortunately, I had a valorous defender who helped to save my sanity: Flash Sentry, bless his cursed, fuzzy eartufts (which he thankfully kept hidden, because those things are unforgivably cute—and I really shouldn't be staring at them like I'm sure I would be). As soon as Shadowbane had, um, 'squirted a load' (eww), Flash walked up to him and asked him something. Shadowbane nodded and left the room, trailing 'spunk' all the way as his cock comically swung left and right.

"What was that about?" I asked, holding my hoof over my eyes until Flash returned to me.

"I requested that he bring you something, Princess."

"Oh, um... Well..." (I was really dreading what that might be.)

"Don't worry, you'll be happy about it," he said. "Pinkie Pie Promise, even." He made the motions, and seemed sincere (I assume Rarity taught him).

Shadowbane returned and delivered me a small wrapped package. Then he nodded at us and went back to whatever perverted thing he was going to do next with the royal couple.

I opened up the package, and found four bright-green foam earplugs.

I took in a huge breath, just to be able to sigh it back out dramatically. "You are the wind beneath my wings, Flash," I said. I squeezed two of the plugs with my hooves (not easy without magic—I should probably learn to rely on it a little less) and inserted one into each ear. Within seconds the plugs had expanded, and the moaning and screaming and squishing sounds behind us grew mercifully distant. Flash pulled up two chairs, and we sat facing each other. I faced away from the presentation, obviously. He faced me, so he could watch me and (undoubtedly) enjoy the show at the same time.

His cock was twitching in the air, and I almost felt like I owed him something for his charity. I... I kind of... wanted it. Like, in my mouth? I know that isn't a natural thing to feel, because that clearly isn't what penises are FOR, but I was feeling it. I felt hungry for it, even. The smell, the taste, the hot, pulsing sensation of it stuffed into my lips, entering and claiming the entirety of the space within my muzzle... filling up my mind and spirit as well as my body, making me 'whole' for the first time in my life...

"Can you hear me with the earplugs in, Princess?" he asked, and I stopped staring at his penis (I hope I hadn't been doing that for very long). He spoke loudly, but it fell short of shouting. It was just enough that I could hear him over the muffled din of unspeakable demonic assfucking orgy.

"Yeah. Like, seriously, thank you so much," I said. "This is too much for me to handle right now, Flash. Nopony else seems to understand. And feel free to call me Twilight, or Twily, or whatever you want." (Deep down, I think my subconscious was hoping for cunt. But I sure as sugar wasn't going to tell him that.)

"Sure thing, Twily," he said with a genuine smile that melted my heart. (I don't understand why being called by a familiar family name felt right, especially if I'm, well... a little bit attracted to him. I don't want him to be my family. Do I?)

He continued, "To be honest, they probably do understand your needs. They just want to wear you down until you agree to join the fold, so we can end your torment sooner, rather than later. I want that too. But I suspect it'll be easier for us to turn Celestia first, and then you'll happily follow her. Either way, I figured you could use a break," he said. "And I'm pretty sure the others would agree with me if they weren't... distracted at the moment." He flashed me another rakish grin, and I blushed.

So Flash Sentry and I talked for a while, and it was kind of nice. The cock constantly bobbing and drooling in front of my face was distracting, but less distracting than the action behind me.

There wasn't much worth writing down about my discussions with Flash, though (and I can't automatically remember it because I lack the transcription spell now, meaning most of these conversations are best-approximations). We basically just chatted about our interests and stuff. It turns out he can play guitar, which shouldn't surprise me given that shaved-monkey-Flash could do it. What's more surprising is that he uses his wings in addition to his hooves when he plays. For nearly all pegasi, wings are much more dexterous than hooves, but they're not remotely strong enough to apply pressure in narrow places. Given the precision and strength needed to handle the strings of the average guitar, it's a pretty impressive talent for a non-alicorn (and yeah, he did the wing-thing long before the vampony stuff happened). This is assuming he's telling the truth, of course, but I have no reason to doubt him.

You know, at first I thought Flash was making an effort to impress me, or to show off or something. He talked a lot about himself, and about me, and I figured maybe he was really insecure and needed validation (kind of like yours truly, to be fair). Or maybe he was teasing me, just to see me blush? But that didn't make sense, because the extremely loud moaning and gross sex sounds behind me were already enough to do that. I also worried he might be making fun of me, but I don't think he'd have spent so much time doing that. Either way, his behavior seemed very suspicious, because it's obvious he isn't attracted to me. Flash could have any mare he wanted, I'm sure, even before the vampony thing. I'm just a homely, confused, helpless loser. The fact that I'm a princess is pretty much irrelevant in my current situation.

Eventually, though, I figured it out. I'm pretty sure he's just been acting this way to put me at ease. He's using humor and his good looks and charm to help me forget about the situation I'm in, out of simple pity. It's a welcome respite. Flash is just a nice stallion, and that's all there is to it. It's hard for me to believe he's really a vampony. Maybe he doesn't buy into all the crazy dogma Brother's been preaching? He might be a valuable ally, Journal. Perhaps I can convince him to help me escape... or maybe even to join Team Sanity! I should really probe this "relationship" thing we have (our rapport, I mean). I need to explore this angle as soon as possible.

For scientific purposes, obviously. I'm not "smitten" by him or anything. That would be stupid. Flash Sentry is waaaaaay 'out of my league', as Dash would probably put it.

Wow. I didn't think I'd write that many words about things nopony should ever write about, but there it is. I'll get to Rarity and Luna in the next entry for certain, because there's not much left to say at this point. The Lunar Princess has been waiting so patiently for me to finish all my writing that maybe I should skip over some of the details.

Just a moment...

No, Luna wants me to be thorough (she just said). Not a problem, but I still don't think the next entry will be very long. Most of the details from Rarity are already in the Glossary, after all.

Day 58 (Rarity and Luna)

When I last left off, Flash Sentry and I were chatting (through earplugs, on my end). This is my best reconstruction of what happened next, since the early part is a little fuzzy and I don't have the transcription spell running anymore (obviously).

I needed to rest my tired eyes, and I started losing focus. I was exhausted from the overwhelming amount of anxiety that had built up from all the sex (witnessing, not partaking—but tiring nonetheless), the high-tension social exchanges, and my persistent fears of becoming even more of a horrible pervert. At some point while Flash was talking, I impolitely nodded off.

I very dimly remember Flash Sentry pulling me into his lap and holding me gently. I knew it was happening, and I didn't fight it. I trusted him. No... I trust him, even now, even though that may be foalish. I relaxed into his embrace. Some throbbing portion of him (his cock, obviously) gently pressed against my croup, but he can't be blamed for that. I kind of liked it, actually. It felt like a compliment, and a large part of me wanted to please him—yes, even in that way. As he cuddled me gently in his lap, I was able to let go of everything. I drifted in bliss, fading in and out of consciousness, feeling as protected as a foal in her (non-vampony) father's arms.

I came to as Princess Cadance tapped me on the shoulder with a shoe.

I opened my eyes and yawned, then I stretched and looked around. I was still seated on a warm lap. Nearly all of the smell was gone, and it looked like the area across the table had been completely cleaned up. Cadance stood in front of me and smiled. She hugged us both, trapping me within two sets of legs, and it felt very nice. In my tiredness I didn't see Cadance as an enemy, but as a good friend. I'd let my guard down entirely. (I still have it down most of the way, even now. Fighting is so draining...)

My chair-on-a-chair nuzzled my cheek and whispered into my ear. "Hay there, beautiful. Rise and shine." (Apparently, at some point my earplugs had been removed.) Of course, I blushed like fire. Flash Sentry stood up from the chair and gently set me on all fours. He had to, after all. Were it up to me, I'd still be nestled within his legs as I write this.

"What... what's going on?" I asked Cadance and Flash. Moon Black stood guard at one of the doors, but Shining Armor and Shadowbane were nowhere to be seen.

"We're done," said Cadance. "Sorry about the distraction, Twily, but I hadn't let the wolf out in quite a while, and Master and I haven't had enough quality time together since our trip to Canterlot. This vampony thing has been stressful on all of us."

"It took all three of them to hold her down at the end there," said Flash, with a chuckle. "We need to bring some restraints in here. Not just for the occasional cuntfucking, but for business... you'll see soon enough." He winked at me, which was disarming enough that I forgot to ask him what he was talking about. (I'm not sure why he holds this kind of power over me. Thank goodness he seems to be on my side.)

I shook my head to wipe clean the cobwebs. "Ugh. I don't even know what time of day it is," I said. "I hope I'm going to get some answers to my questions soon."

"You were only asleep for an hour. It's early afternoon," said Cadance.

Wow. It didn't occur to me at the time, but Flash Sentry had me on his lap for an entire hour? That's... really sweet. And it shows a surprising amount of discipline, something I don't expect at all from vamponies. This is another datum supporting my theory that Flash isn't like the others.

She continued, "Rarity should be here any minute, but most of the answers you're looking for will be Luna's duty to share. Then we'll have a nice dinner together, like a family." Cadance smiled fondly at me and petted my mane. (I blushed.)

"Well, while you're waiting, maybe there's something we can answer?" volunteered Flash. He lay down on the floor and patted the spot beside him as though calling a dog to sit.

I sat down immediately. I didn't even think.

Cadance giggled and sat facing us, as Flash Sentry snuggled up against me from the side.

"I, um, heh," I stumbled, still blushing (probably much worse this time). "Right, questions. Okay. Processing mental checklist..." I paused for a few moments, staring into space.

"Twily, you are simply adorkable," Flash whispered to me. I think it was a compliment...?

I looked into Cadance's pretty eyes (she's so attractive—my brother is one lucky horse), and cleared my throat to speak.

"Okay, Sister. I know Luna will cover the history, but could you at least give me an idea of how the infection works? I mean, what in Tartarus are you, anyway?" I asked. "Please be honest with me. I know this can't be a simple infection, or even a transmissible mutation, unless it goes well beyond normal genetics." (I had already pulled over the clipboard, pen, and paper I'd brought from the room. Writing by hoof is surprisingly tiresome, but it's my fault for being out of practice.)

"It does go beyond normal genetics, but the truth is that we don't know all the details yet. I've been the principal investigator on our new biology, and Luna knew a lot about the subject already because she did research on the mutation over a thousand years ago," said Cadance. "Her research was primarily on nightborns."

"Nightborns? Oh, that's right—vampony nightwings," I said, remembering. "The distinction is moderately confusing, but I'm sure Luna can explain. Please, go on."

"What we do know is that the vampony transformation is enabled in part by a magical mutation—a form of horizontal evolution mediated by an inherently magical bacterium. Luna named the bacterium escherichia magicum tenebris, or E. Tenebris for short. It carries multiple plasmids in specialized shells similar to virii. Once introduced to a pony's cell, they are able to replicate independent of the bacterium. So the plasmids insert directly into pony DNA, and once the infection has spread widely enough the bacteria commit apoptosis and are destroyed."

To put it mildly, this blows my mind.

"You're saying the infection can completely alter a pony's genetics through lateral gene transfer?" I said, with equal parts fascination and horror. "That sounds highly engineered, and even then it should be impossible! There's no way the same set of plasmids could affect multiple species... er, like Zecora, I mean." That was a close call, I thought. I almost gave away the fact that I suspect Spike can be infected...

"There are epigenetic changes too, but those are less well-understood than the gene insertions. Oddly enough, the insertions are in different places on different species, and those zones are always precise," she said. "In equine species, for example, the gene inserts itself in the middle of chromosome 11—both copies, to be precise, and this is unavoidable. If there were only one copy, it would immediately generate a plasmid to alter its sister chromosome."

I furrowed my brow in thought. "Horses have 64 chromosomes, which is a little on the high side for mammals," I said (okay, fine—I might have been knowledge-showboating just a little). "Donkeys have 62, and mules and hinnies have 63. Zebras can have anywhere between 32 and 46, depending on subspecies, which is a little different, but the first twenty chromosomes by label are found in all equine species. So what do you mean by different species? Are crystal ponies different, or something?"

"In dragons, it appears on chromosome 173," said Cadance, and then it looked like she was holding her breath.

It took my mind a moment to process precisely what Cadance was saying. These bastards had done research on dragons, which almost certainly meant...

"Wait... Spike? Oh, oh no," I said, and my eyes quickly watered. "Cadance, Please, please tell me you haven't done this to him! He doesn't deserve—"

"Shhh, Twilight," said Flash. He hugged me from behind and gently petted my mane, but it wasn't helping.

"We haven't turned Spike yet," said Cadance. "But Rarity did use mudblood on him, since she already knew about the time he'd partially shifted in the library. We call that 'tasting the wolf'. I think I forgot to mention that when we talked about the wolf, earlier. Anyway, I asked Rarity to draw a drop of blood from him during the change, and I told her what to do to preserve it before the effect reversed itself. I analysed it two days ago, right here in Canterlot."

I closed my eyes. "He's just a kid, Sis."

Cadance smiled gently. "He's more of an adult than you give him credit for, but either way, we don't have access to his whereabouts. If we did, we'd give him his third taste of the wolf, and then he would be officially considered a vampony foal. It's essentially impossible to resist after that. Actually, it's amazing that he continues to defy the Order despite having fully tasted the wolf with Rarity."

"Are you saying that you don't turn foals?" I asked. Of course, it didn't really matter. I already knew they were fucking them, and isn't that enough of a horror?

"We don't turn foals, for two reasons. First of all, it'd be dangerous. Not only is it harder for them to control their vampony abilities, they lack the wisdom and discipline to avoid doing dangerous things while the wolf is out. Even tasting the wolf is done under very strict supervision," explained Cadance. "We don't require foals to be turned or broken until they reach a social milestone shortly prior to puberty. If they haven't reached puberty, turning them won't cause puberty, but the sexual feelings will still be there. In a form suitable for foals, I mean."

My curiosity was getting the better of me, so I ignored the last two horrid sentences that came out of my sister's stupid mouth. "You mean the cuteceñara. What about nonpony species?"

"We can use an arbitrary cutoff or something. Maybe twelve years old, or once the foal's owner feels they are ready to go full vampony. Spike's definitely mature enough that he's ready to be fully turned anyway. It's merely a formality for foals, because unlike adults, kids don't suffer from the stain—that brain abnormality I mentioned before."

"Ugh, that supposed 'abnormality' you still won't tell me about," I said, gritting my teeth. "What I've heard about the stain so far is completely inconsistent with neuroanatomy. Apple Bloom told me she ended up all screwed up in the head after only one taste! And now you do this to Spike? What am I supposed to think, Cadance?"

"She isn't screwed up in the head. She's better, Twilight. She's happy and fulfilled," countered Cadance. "Spike is happy, too. He's just hurting right now because he's so incredibly loyal to you."

"Why can't you just let them be foals?" I pleaded, grimacing.

"We do let them be foals," said Flash (softly, since his lips were right beside my ear). He put a gentle hoof around my withers. "They're just like any other kids, except they've been psychologically inoculated against mistakenly thinking they're being abused when they're actually being loved. The stain hardly develops at all because they're not abused with sexlessness. Er, is that a word?"

I sighed and nodded. "I never expected to use in a conversation, but yes, 'sexlessness' is actually a dictionary word."

"Vampony foals have plenty of sex appropriate to their age," said Cadance (revolting emphasis mine). "We hold off on turning them for their own safety, but the reason we hold off on breaking them is just for fun. The Breakstone doesn't do nearly as much to their brains, because tasting the wolf prior to puberty is enough to teach them that sex is wonderful and prevent the stain from forming in the first place. So we hold off on breaking them, and that way it gets to be part of a fun coming of age ritual when they're ready to be turned." She smiled gently. I did not reciprocate.

"Why does this bother you so much, Twily?" asked Flash. "You already know the foals in our custody are neither traumatized nor unhappy."

"It... it feels wrong," I said. "There's so much data showing foals suffering from sexual abuse. What if you're wrong?"

"That data is due to the social ramifications of abuse more than the abuse itself. The same thing is true about many forms of rape," said Cadance. "I know that seems impossible to you, but it's true. If everypony you know tells you that you're a victim to something horrible, that's precisely how you'll feel—"

"It isn't that simple," I said, interrupting her. "Sex is inherently emotional, feels very weird and awkward prior to puberty, and is much more dangerous for foals as a result. Plus, it's extremely easy to harm a foal without realizing it, because an adult is in a position of power. I'm not buying this."

"Perhaps it's an experiment, then, but all signs so far point to it being a good thing. We wouldn't be fucking them if there were any evidence to the contrary," said Cadance.

I closed my eyes tightly and leaned back into Flash Sentry's embrace. "I... I don't wanna talk about this anymore," I mumbled, trying to blank my mind.

I didn't tell them why, of course. But...

Dammit.

I keep thinking back to being with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I'm not happy to admit this, but... it's still a turn-on, Journal. Remembering those experiences makes me horny, and it's very wrong for me to have those feelings. Any 'logic' that makes something that terrible even the tiniest bit harder to resist—it just isn't something I can bear at the moment.

I can't deal with the consequences of these feelings. Do you want to know why, Journal? It's because that victimhood thing Cadance is arguing against also works in reverse! I know how everypony would view me if they knew I failed to prevent foals from pleasuring me. I know I'm a monster for being unable to counteract these fantasies now. Tartarus, most of the ponies in Ponyville would want my head on a pike even for merely feeling the things I do. And they'd be right to. That's what should happen to me, right? I shouldn't be alive. I no longer deserve to be.

But then I think about anypony else in my situation, and... well, if it's anypony else, I can't blame them for succumbing to this nightmare. It's only myself I'm holding to this standard, so maybe it's unrealistic to beat myself up over this. But it's a low standard to meet, and even if I wouldn't lop off other ponies' heads for their fantasies, I'd expect them to do it to me.

And I'd almost do it to me, to be honest. I'm losing the will to survive. I'm not about to hurt or kill myself, but I'm barely able to function right now. They're winning, Journal.

Despite my silence, I'm sure they knew what my problem was. Of course Flash and Cadance knew what I was feeling. I'll bet my conflicted emotions and inescapable perversion don't even require vampony senses to pick up on.

"Okay," said Cadance. "We can just rest quietly for a while." I couldn't see her with my eyes shut tight, but she sounded contrite. I guess she realized she'd gone too far. (Good.)

I didn't respond, but Flash hugged me warmly, and the wetness in the corners of my eyes dried. A few minutes later, I felt almost back to normal. That's when the knock on the door came.

Moon Black opened the door, and in pranced Rarity. She was wearing a golden collar, earrings, saddle, and legcuffs with rings on them. She didn't have her fake horn on, or a horncap. Her stubby little horn was completely exposed. It looked like it was growing back well, but by my calculations it should take at least ten weeks before it will be possible to use as a proper echo chamber for mana fluctuations.

Flash helped me to stand up, and I tried to compose myself.

"Twilight Sparkle!" Rarity said energetically as she clopped her forehooves together, making the rings on her front legcuffs jangle. "I'm so happy to see you again, darling! I'm almost ready to show you my delicious line of toys, including a custom order for Princess Luna. It's simply exquisite." She ran up to me and hugged me tightly, without asking first. It felt nice, and that made me feel guilty.

Of course I hugged her back, but I wasn't happy about it. After she landed on four legs, I frowned.

"Please stay away from Spike," I said. (I'm not sure why I included the 'please'.) I tried to sound firm, but I think it came off more like I was begging. Cadance facehoofed, and Flash looked nervously away from the conversation.

"Spike's precise whereabouts are unknown at this time, so you don't need to worry," said Rarity. "Of course, it isn't hard to guess where he's headed, but for the time being he lies out of our grasp. However, he does have an adorable marble collar and tailcuff locked on," she added with a wink.

I squinted and gnashed my teeth. "Dammit, Rarity! Don't get him mixed up in this!"

"He already was fixed-up," said Rarity. "And let's put our cards on the table, shall we? You and Pinkie had your way with his body already. Why shouldn't I be able to join in the fun?"

I gasped and felt a sinking pang in my belly. Flash and Cadance suddenly looked right at my face, and although their eyes were gentle and faces sad, I felt their stares boring straight into my soul.

"I... that was a... mistake. I would take it back if I could, in a heartbeat. Pinkie is the one responsible for most of what happened to him," I said. "I would never have done anything without her constant pressuring..."

Flash Sentry lifted my chin with a hoof and stared into my eyes. "You're a very silly pony, Twily," he declared, wearing a wry smile. Cadance and Rarity giggled. (I blushed, yet I still felt terrible.)

Rarity shrugged. "Well, what's done is done. Would you like to see—"

"And what in blazes is a tailcuff?" I interjected, angrily. "Another bondage sex thing like those cuffs around your ankles, probably."

"It's not just for fun, Twilight. A tailcuff is an experimental bauble for blocking the wolf in a horagon," she explained. "That's what we're calling dragon vamponies, but I presume Cadance told you all this."

In the corner of my eye, I could see Princess Cadance rapidly shaking her head and making the 'neck cut' sign with one hoof.

Rarity rolled her eyes dramatically. "Oh, all this drama! Relax, Twilight. Nopony is harming Spike, I Pinkie Swear," she promised while making the motions. "Unfortunately, not all the baubles have arrived yet, and I'd rather show them all to you at once for full effect. The last shipment is coming in tomorrow, so I suppose we have a day in the interim to help you realize how much we love and care about you. I don't want these silly little maudlin emotions to get in the way of something gorgeous I have to show you."

I sighed. "Okay. Whatever." I felt numb, but that helped me let go a little of my worries.

I hadn't any tears left to cry. Maybe I was wrong about everything all this time? I'm still thinking that. I simply don't know. I don't have the necessary data to support one opinion versus another, but I suspect the vamponies have very little data themselves. They're probably still using dick-based heuristics. Even in the best-case scenario—meaning they're actually right about everything—they're moving much too fast with these plans.

I have no process I can trust to filter the information they're giving me, so everything I believe now comes through gut instinct. Unfortunately, at the moment I hate my guts (in more way than one).

Rarity and I spent the next hour getting me up to speed on the meanings behind all the materials. She was surprisingly forthcoming. (Initially she wanted to wait for the baubles for illustration's sake, but I am not currently a fan of waiting for things to happen.) All of this is in the glossary, as previously mentioned.

Not long after we finished, I noticed a small, cyan crystal stallion had entered the room, carrying a large crate on his back. He wore a marble collar, earrings, and saddle, and he immediately blushed as soon as we made eye contact.

"Isn't my little cunt over there adorable? His name is Crystal Hoof," said Rarity, with a wistful smile. Crystal Hoof set the crate on the table, smiled nervously, and waved at us.

Princess Cadance squinted and sniffed the air, and then her eyes widened. "Rarity, we need to talk—"

Rarity stuffed her hoof into Cadance's mouth, leaned in to all three of us, and whispered. "Yes, I know he's a changeling," she revealed. "But he's adorable and he isn't like the others. The poor thing is petrified to be discovered, but eventually we'll need to let him know that we know, because we really don't know what will happen when he tastes the wolf."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Cadance. I had a sense that her gentle tone belied a darker emotion simmering beneath the surface.

"He's just as good at giving love as he is at draining it. He gives back much more than he takes in, and he doesn't seem to be hungry at all," said Rarity, wearing a happy grin.

"Wow. That's... that's just amazing," said Flash Sentry.

I nodded in agreement. "If changelings can be reformed, this is incredible news! Except for the fact you think it's a good idea to turn him into an even worse monster," I whispered back.

Rarity rolled her eyes again and pulled back from the huddle. "We'll save that until things are less crazy around here, and we'll go very slowly when we do. Hopefully you'll be able to assist us in the endeavor, Twilight."

I was thinking up a snarky response when Princess Luna entered the room. She was beautiful, as always (seems kinda weird to say that about her, though). She had on the white gold collar, wing braces, shoes, and ounckse with a white gold ring in it (I described these previously). She also wore her usual breast-collar, the black ceremonial piece with her lune in the front in white.

"Lady Luna!" called Rarity. She galloped over and gave the princess a hug. They performed a mock fashion kiss together. And then, um...

Then they performed a real kiss. Dear Celestia, the sounds made by those impossibly long tongues! I could see the outlines writhing within their throats, and I had to look away. Fortunately, it was over in a matter of seconds.

After they 'disengaged', Rarity smiled brightly at Luna. "My goodness, darling! You have an impressive grasp of your tongue for somepony turned mere hours ago."

I reflexively winced. Okay, Luna's definitely with them. But that means two nights ago she was being dominated, even though she hadn't been turned yet! Maybe they broke her first? I'll have to ask her once I'm done writing this entry.

Luna blushed (still not sure how the red shines through the navy blue, but it does even in the waking world). "Thank you, Lady Rarity," she said, and smiled a gentle fangy grin before turning in my direction. "Greetings, Princess Twilight Sparkle. It is my steadfast hope that you are making progress at battling your inner demons."

I shrugged. I just didn't know what to say.

"Your new baubles are in, as well," said Rarity, clopping her hooves excitedly against the floor. "They'll arrive tomorrow. These should suit you for a long time."

"I cannot imagine how you are able to turn out amazing new material at such a rapid rate. I had just grown used to the white gold," said Luna, with a frown. "It feels like a sorry waste to remove it from my person."

"It's fine, darling. We can recast it, though it would be best for you to hold onto it for the time being. Most of the baubles are recyclable..." said Rarity.

"Not these new ones, of course," said Luna.

"True. But even then, larger stone can be crafted into smaller trinkets. It's never a complete waste. Either way, it doesn't matter: you're worth it, dear Lady. Once the rest of the set comes in, we'll do a fitting. They're going to blow. Your. Mind!" said Rarity, followed by excited giggles.

For a small moment, I couldn't help but feel good for both of them.

"Twilight," said Luna. "Are you prepared for our discussion on the history of the Order?"

"Can you give me a few hours to write all this out?" I asked.

"Certainly. Please, come with me to my chambers," replied Luna.

"I'll get your book and ink, and you already have your notes with you," said Flash Sentry. "Just... try to relax a little, okay?"

I blushed, and I obeyed. I'm trying to relax even now, Journal, I really am. If only it were possible.

Writing this has been something of an ordeal. I have to use my hooves, and place the gem right next to the Journal so I can actually see the writing. I'm getting better at it, though.

Now I've finished up completely and the Journal is finally current, but something happened while Luna waited for me as I worked on writing everything out from her pet bed (I know what you're thinking, Journal, but it's comfortable). Luna hasn't said word one since I started writing, but less than a half-hour ago Shining peeked in and let us both know that the pony he told me about had arrived. I don't want to keep them waiting, whoever it is, so I'll have to return to Luna's chambers after the meeting.

Day 58 (Fall of the Mayor) (Part 1 of 2)

Before I begin, I should mention a few things Cadance and Rarity shared with me which I wrote about in the glossary, but never mentioned in the entries that followed. I think those concepts are clear enough from the glossary itself, so I'm not going to elaborate, but I'll provide a few missing details here.

Cadence told me about the snarl, which I forgot to mention (at least, I glossed over the conversation), although I did write about my brother doing it in the recent orgy. That was the weird sneering thing I had also seen vamponies doing in the {Big Macintosh, Cheerilee, Pinkie-Pie, Rarity, Thunderlane} orgy. (Good grief. I actually have to label the orgies to keep them straight now. Although, back in the Crystal Kingdom, Pinkie Pie told me that orgies were planned events... so maybe this is what she called 'group sex' instead. I'm certainly no expert. Sexpert? Heh. I do miss you, Pinkie.)

The weird look of the detection method is because the vomeronasal sensing organ is centered within the upper lip, right at the gumline (I might have written about this previously, but I don't recall). Of course, ponies shouldn't even have a vomeronasal sense. I'd assume the DNA-rewriting has something to do with it, but Cadance has insisted to me that everypony has this sense, and it works. It's just not keen at all unless you're a vampony. But even having a vomeronasal sense at all (when ponies don't secrete pheromones) flies in the muzzle of everything I know about pony biology. Was this sense another thing Celestia supposedly censored? I doubt it. My sister being delusional is a more likely hypothesis.

I also asked Cadance about the Cutie Mark Crusaders because I remember one of them (I think Apple Bloom—no wait, I don't want to take a walk down memory lane right now) telling me that they'd already been broken, but Cadance told me that breaking wasn't supposed to happen prior to the cute-ceañera. As I suspected, this is simply because the vamponies hadn't yet come up with the idea of using the Breakstone on foals as a rite of passage, so they just broke the Crusaders from the beginning. Not surprising. As I may have mentioned before, pretty much everypony I've talked to admits that the whole 'culture' thing they've produced here is being created on the fly, even though they claim the Order of Spring is 'guiding' them, and there are some historical influences they're copying (undoubtedly due to Princess Luna, her Night Guard, and the crystal ponies all being roughly a millennium behind the times). Note to self: I've been inconsistent in capitalizing "Night Guard", probably because I'm still waffling over the right way to do it. Usually Royal Guard is capitalized when you're speaking about them collectively but not when... wait, no, this is dumb and doesn't matter. Luna is waiting, so I need to focus.

It was Rarity who clued me in on the cutie dark thing. Hers is three horse vulvas, not a surprise given the geometry of her diamonds. I haven't asked anypony else so the only cutie darks I know so far are hers (by her word), Pinkie's, and Fluttershy's. Rarity also told me about the 'nick' appellation which is more of a joke than an actual thing at the moment. Apart from those and the materials information, everything else in the glossary came directly from Princess Cadance. Rarity's also thinking of calling the 'nick' thing a 'dickname' instead, which I have to admit is pretty amusing. And earlier (during the orgy behind my back, most of which I slept through) I overheard my brother talking about somepony called Slamming Harder 'coming out', so I'm pretty sure that's his, um... dickname. Wow, this is just incredibly silly. I almost think my friends are crazy just for being so creatively hilarious, to be frank. Anyway, for more laughs, I've listed the other 'dicknames' I know in the glossary already.

Well, except for mine (the one Rarity and Cadence have suggested for me, I mean). That one is unspeakably terrible. Period, end of sentence, full stop.

Okay. So I'm writing this after the fact, and (once again) this is just prior to me grilling Princess Luna about the Order. (She's awfully patient by herself, as I saw the previous time. Is she used to being alone? I guess that doesn't apply as much now that she's cuddling with her 'consort'.) Hopefully our upcoming conversation will lead to some answers. But that's the next entry (most likely, but who the hay knows).

When I left off, I was in Luna's room. After I finished writing, she opened the door and whispered something to Shadowbane before closing the door. Less than a minute later, Shining Armor entered the room.

"Hay Twily! You can leave the book here for now," he said, tilting his neck in a 'come hither' motion. I reluctantly followed, without saying anything (not having something to say has been a new experience for me over the past two months, I must admit; maybe I'm more like Pinkie than I realize).

"Do try and have the fun, Twilight," called Luna as my brother led me out of the room. "In like spirit, so shall I do, myself. Shadowbane is about to order Lady Cadance to fetch my consort."

Shining Armor shut the door, and I thought it better not to ask what Luna meant by 'consort'. I followed him down the hallway.

"It looks like we're headed to the throne room," I said, trying to pry more information out of him. (Remember my trick? It works, Journal.)

My brother fuzzled my mane with a hoof. He was restricting himself to all-fours, probably to make me feel less antsy. Can't say that I blame him, even though (mainly to my amusement, as it's the thought that counts) he was still 'out' and flopping around down there.

"Heh, I should know better than to think I could pull a fast one on you, Twily. Yes, that's where we're headed to have audience with the Mayor of Ponyville." I stopped dead in my tracks, and he turned to face me.

"Is... is she one of you?" I whispered. I couldn't imagine Ms. Mare signing on to this under any circumstance, I just couldn't. She was perspicacious, proper, poised, percipient, professional, and prudent: everything the vamponies aren't. (Note to self: should that be 'on to' or 'onto'? Or either one...? Look this up later when not surrounded by vamponies, assuming that happens.)

Shining shook his head. "No. That's what you're here for. Well, that, and for her and us to share a wonderful experience with you."

I laughed, not even in mockery, but reflexively at the sheer absurdity. "If you think I'm going to help you turn her, you're crazier than I thought, BBBFF." (Not sure how the acronym slipped out again.)

My brother reared up on his hind legs, and stooped down to grasp my shoulders in his hooves. "Twily, listen to me. This thing is going to happen. You can't stop it. Do you really want the Mayor to suffer any more than she needs to?" (Okay, I'm pretty sure that one is 'any more' rather than 'anymore'.)

"I... I don't want you to do this to her at all!" I said. I went from laughing to teary-eyed pretty quickly. The futility was rapidly sinking in.

Shining Armor sighed. "Twilight, she's going to fall before sunset. Surely you can see this. But you're closer to her than any of us are," he said. "You alone have the power to make her transition comfortable. She'll be happy either way, but why compound her suffering even just for one night? Haven't you already done enough of that to yourself?"

My voice caught in my throat. His words struck me where it hurt the most (psychologically speaking). "O-okay," I croaked. Then I meekly accepted a hug from my brother. Now he remained on two hooves as he turned and led me onward, and I followed with no resistance. I mean, he was right, obviously. It wasn't like there was anything I could do to save her, right?

Right?

At first glance, the throne room seemed unchanged. The double-doors at the main entrance were closed and undoubtedly guarded by vamponies. My brother led me in through a side entrance and nodded to Moon Black and Shadowbane, who were already present and waiting. After the nod, all three stallions dropped to all fours and slowly, um, "retracted", obviously to put their upcoming victim at ease. After a few minutes, Princess Cadance walked in through the main entrance, bringing Mayor Mare with her. The guards shut the door behind them, and I heard the faint sound of metal scraping against metal.

The Mayor speed-walked down the carpet, not waiting for Cadance to catch up. "Greetings, Prince Shining Armor. I am aware that Princess Celestia is out of state at the moment, so I assume I am to audience with Princess Luna?" she asked. "I need to speak with her immediately, as well as with you and Princess Cadance. Something sinister is happening in Ponyville, and we are in urgent need of any assistance you can provide."

"Princess Luna is indisposed at the moment. She needs some down time, given that her responsibilities have essentially tripled," said Cadance, catching up to the Mayor. The latter had been so focused on her brisk approach to the throne that I was fairly certain she hadn't noticed me yet.

"It's true," said Shining Armor, stepping forward while I stayed back. "Even between Princess Luna, Cadance, and myself, we can hardly keep up. Princess Celestia is certainly an amazing mare. I don't know how she does it."

"Well, then I need to speak with..." said the Mayor, and then she turned her head to the side. "Princess Twilight Sparkle?" she said, with a gasp. "Oh, thank the Sun! I've been worried sick about you."

Shining Armor stepped close to the Mayor, then gently tugged her forward a few hooves. Hidden amid the red carpet were four carefully-fashioned and camouflaged hoof shackles. They glowed with my brother's aura as they snapped onto her ankles.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Ms. Mare," I said, walking slowly forward. I felt terrible, and I'm sure it showed on my face.

Then I saw her reaction, and something... something changed. Something deep inside of me shifted in a way I'd never expected.

As the Mayor stared at me, I could see the horror rising as the color slowly faded from her face. However, I knew what I was truly witnessing was all of the remaining hope draining out of her body, like a toilet being flushed. She knew she was doomed. Momentarily, I imagined her being smashed flat by a boulder, right after she sees her own viscera, but before her heart finally gives. It was that sudden, horrid grasp of mortal doom in her eyes, when you know it's all over no matter what you do. The split-second realization that the end is real and inescapable, despite all the walls your mind has put up over the years to protect you from ever having that single, terrible thought. You know you're done. And at that moment, you could finally rest and accept your fate, if only you could get past the terror that a billion years of evolution has permanently etched into your brain. I suspect few ponies in such a ghoulish situation will succeed. But ultimately, it doesn't matter either way, does it? It's the end (of that life, at least). Game over.

And yet, I thought... I thought...
Oh heavenly Celestia, I actually thought...

Good.

Yes. This horrible feeling is what she should experience. This is right. Let the full force of the poor mare's will spill out of her like a bursting dam.

Holy shit. Where did those atrocious thoughts come from!? Working overtime, my subconscious mind quickly rationalized my feelings: Mayor Mare was doomed even before she trotted into the room. Wasn't she? None of this was my fault, and there was certainly nothing I could do about it. I didn't want her to suffer, and logically speaking, the sooner her desperation shriveled to dust, the better off she'd be. It just made sense to want it. It was like putting a beloved suffering pet out of their misery, except here the pet—the animal—was a living, breathing, brilliant, accomplished mare who I deeply respected and admired. But I wanted that suffering to come to an end. This feeling was normal. I was helping her, out of compassion. (Or so I forced myself to believe.)

What I didn't understand was the tingling sensation deep within my cunt. There was a cancer growing inside me. I didn't want to face it. I pretended it wasn't there. I made myself believe that I was doing this as an act of kindness, and nothing more.

We all patiently waited for the realization to fully settle in. Clearly, she'd seen my horn-cuff, not to mention the unusual collar which bore resemblance to Princess Cadance's collar. One hoof began to rattle hard against the carpet, the sound only slightly muffled by the soft layer of fabric.

And then, she screamed: "SOMEPONY HELP ME!!!"

I'd never heard anything that blood-curdling before in my life. It was almost infantile, her voice even squeaking into whistle register. It was like a little filly screaming, but not the play kinds of screams foals like to make. It was the the type of scream that, as a parent, you hope you never, ever have to hear. The distinct sound made in response to extreme fear or pain. A scream that says, "Mommy, Daddy, I'm being torn to pieces by a timber wolf". That's the kind of scream it was. Evolution ensures ponies are mentally hardwired to react to that specific brand of scream, so it's not surprising the vamponies winced right along with me.

The Mayor's scream felt like the last, desperate breath of oxygen finally forced out of the lungs of a drowning foal. It horrified me, yet there was something strikingly beautiful about it. Maybe, I thought, it was because this very moment was the lowest point for her. Things could only get better now. It was all uphill from here. Good news, right?

Right?

Shining Armor's aura closed around the Mayor's mouth, and she whined mournfully through her nose as the tears began to drip down her cheeks. I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined seeing this stately lady cry, like a helpless waif...

"It's okay, I swear," soothed Princess Cadance, leaning her neck down a little to meet her at eye level. "You're not in any trouble, and we're not going to hurt you or harm you. Twilight Sparkle can help explain things. You're going to be just fine, we promise."

"Now then, Ms. Mare, can you use your inside voice?" said Shining Armor, as though lecturing a schoolfoal. The Mayor nodded and sniffed, and the aura disappeared. She gasped and began to hyperventilate. I cantered up to her, a sad smile adorning my lips.

"I'm here now, Mayor. It's... it's okay, it really is," I told her, petting her mane. I had no right to pet her mane, of course, and the unexpected touch caused her to blush. But she relaxed for a few moments.

Then all three stallions in the room took the stance, fully unsheathed and erect.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Guys. Seriously?" I asked them, prompting a giggle from Cadance and stern looks from the others.

"Twilight, why am I in chains?" she whispered, eyes downcast and blush fierce. "Why is your brother showing off his... genitals? Please, please tell me there's an answer to all this." Then her eyes widened with a new thought, and they refilled with moisture. "Oh my Stars, please tell me they're not going t-to r-r-rape..."

"We're not going to rape you," said Princess Cadance.

"What have you done to Twilight?" the Mayor asked Cadance. (I didn't have a chance to answer her previous question, but I figured it would be obvious soon enough.)

"It's okay," I lied. "I... I can't cast magic right now, but I'm fine. I'm not hurt, or anything like that. I'm comfortable and well."

The Mayor looked back and forth from Cadence to me, averting her eyes from the rest of the cocktastic display. "You, not using magic!? That isn't 'fine', Twilight! Help me understand what's going on. I'm... I'm scared," she admitted.

"We've discovered something wonderful that we're going to share with you," Cadance cooed. "You'll love it, I promise. But it needs to be kept secret, so we have to take some precautions until the process we put you through has followed to completion."

"Process?" Ms. Mare looked at Cadance, then turned her head and stared right into my eyes. I struggled to think up something that might quell that awful look of confusion.

"They're... going to change you, a little. Physically and mentally. To make you stronger," I said. "You'll still be the same pony." That was a lie, and I knew it. But it was a white lie... no, not a white lie, but a lie that helped. (I still suspect Applejack wouldn't have approved.)

"You're using the pronoun they, rather than we," the Mayor said softly. "Have you been changed, Twilight? You certainly don't look 'stronger' to me." (Yeah, that stung a little.)

"Twilight isn't quite ready to be processed," Shining Armor interjected. "We won't proceed on her without her full consent, but I'm sure it will happen very soon. Then she will be happy, just like the rest of us."

I nodded. "It's true," I said. (That time, I wasn't actually lying. I believed it.)

"I don't want to do this process, whatever it is," said the Mayor, shaking her head with her eyes fixed on the carpet. Princess Cadance looked at me, nodding. I took that as my cue. I needed to help... to help my friend across that final leg of acceptance. Not doing so would only prolong her torture.

I had to do it. I didn't have a choice. These thoughts echoed over and over in my mind as I readied myself to speak.

"Ms. Mare, look at me," I said. She sniffled and gave me her full attention. "I'm being honest when I say everypony who goes through this process—which means becoming a vampony—is extremely happy that they did, without exception."

"Vamponies? That's a foal's myth!" she said, staring into space for a moment before turning back to me. "Then why are you resisting?" she asked, her brow deeply furrowed.

"Well, I... I honestly don't want to resist," I said, knowing it for the truth it was. "I've sworn an oath to Princess Celestia, and to a few of my friends, that I will continue to resist for the time being." I didn't like hearing how stupid that excuse sounded. It didn't seem to make any sense. Why was I resisting? Some kind of expectation, or something? A vow? I promised Princess Celestia I would never give in, but even she seemed to worry about the stress I was putting on myself. My mind began to wander. Why should I bother to keep fighting like this?

"There are a few things we're going to do to you," said Cadance, which snapped me back to attention. "Rarity is going to mark you..."

"Oh no—not Rarity. She's lost her mind! That's why I came..." said Mayor Mare. Her voice trailed off as she connected the dots, and then I saw her wince at the realization. "Ah. I see."

Princess Cadance opened her mouth, then closed it again. (My guess: she was about to correct the captive mare and say Rarity had lost her marbles, not her mind... but then realized that it was an incredibly stupid idea.)

"It's really okay," I said, petting the Mayor's mane again. She didn't react one way or the other to it this time, which gave me an icky feeling in my stomach. Then I heard hoofsteps quickly approaching. A moment later, Rarity was standing in front of us.

"Hello, Ms. Mare!" Rarity said brightly, with a big smile. She pulled a small metal cart behind her, on which sat marble shoes and a marble collar. "Don't worry, you will be just fine, and you are simply going to love both of your procedures. Now, let me just take that stuffy collar for the time being," she said, and quickly stripped the Mayor nude of her neck dress. "There we go! Now put your hooves in these, please."

I just realized something. What did she mean by "both of your procedures"? Wouldn't it be all three? She must have meant breaking and turning, I suppose, but the vernacular is particular about separately defining three parts to the process (which doesn't include the baubles), so it seems a little odd.

The Mayor didn't resist. She just kept looking to me for help, and I just nodded back each time she did. On went the shoes, the collar, and the earrings. I watched, transfixed at how simple and straightforward this part of the transformation was, even if it wasn't officially one of the three steps. This noble mare already looked like a cunt to me, even if no actual change had taken place. A few more baubles on me, and I'd be equally conspicuous, I realized. To match my collar and earrings, an ounckse with a marble ring... or maybe even a marble horncap (shudder). No wait, I doubt the cornectomy would take place before I lost my marbles, so Rarity probably doesn't even make those.

"Twilight, face me now," said Shadowbane in his odd accent, as Rarity trotted off toward the side entrance I'd entered by, taking the empty cart with her. I turned to the side to face him, and the formidable nightwing held me in place by my horn, which sent an erotic shiver through my skull—especially given the dripping cock dangling centimeters from my nose. (His dick smelled like something, which was frightening, but the weird, earthy odor was somehow... affecting me. I mean in a way other than sheer disgust, which was surprising. It instantly reminded me of Thunderlane, but the scent was distinctly different, as is my brother's scent. I can't detect pheromones, so why is there a hoofprint? Eh, it's probably arbitrary.)

Shadowbane's wings wrapped around my head, practically blinding me. "Master Shining does not wish for you to witness something until the morrow. Trappings of the trade," he explained.

I heard a spell being cast, then Shadowbane released me, and I turned back to face the Mayor.

"What was that spell?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. I didn't see it."

"It was the reaping," said Shining Armor, nodding toward Princess Cadance.

She nodded back to her husband (or Master, more like—I'm not even sure what marriage means here, but I should ask about that soon—is being owned anything like being married...?), then she faced the Mayor. "It tells us the best way that we can help you. As predicted, you're what we call a 'lost one', which means you'll be getting plenty of attention," said Cadance, with a smile.

"Predicted?" asked Ms. Mare.

"It's probably because you're a mare," I said, and sighed. "Er, not your family name. I mean you're a girl. You're female."

All three stallions chuckled in response. Moon Black spoke first. "Neigh, not primarily from that cause. The likelihood is due to her chieftain nature, by calling and cutie mark."

Shining Armor stepped forward a little. "Just to clarify in case it wasn't clear, Master Moon Black means you're a lost one because you're most suited to work in a position of great responsibility," said Shining Armor, addressing the Mayor directly. "The wide majority of ponies in positions of authority—including most princes and guards, by the way—are lost ones, just like you and Twilight. Those who aren't, are almost always Ladies like Cadance, which is the next level up. We three stallions are uncommon exceptions," said my brother. "Most Masters aren't like we are. They usually come from the working and noble classes, like Big Macintosh, or Night Light, our (motioned to me) father."

This was the first time I'd heard of this concept. I was a lost one because I worked in a position of power? But from what I understood, role is mostly innate. It's not like I was a princess before I met my friends, right?

No. It was exactly like that.

Journal... my entire life, I've pushed myself like crazy. I've taken responsibility after responsibility upon my saddle, and I've even blamed myself for the failures of others. (I still do this, by Tartarus, and I'm even doing it in this very entry!) I'm a leader because I have to be, yes, but I see now that this forceful drive isn't external, as I'd long assumed it to be. The motivation to prove my worth comes from within. I never feel truly satiated, no matter how much I succeed in life. I feel like an impostor pretending to be a princess, a pony who never deserved to meet Celestia, much less work as her protégé. I realize now that this is a big part of who I am as a pony. I mean, it's who I am. It's what I am. That struggling leader is precisely what I need to be.

So is it true that a cunt is also what I precisely need to be? I'm not sure. I don't see how being a leader relates to being a cunt. They seem to be total opposites, which is part of the reason I'm able to resist. However, one of the most important things I've learned from sex is that I need to be out of control sometimes, Journal. Maybe that's the only way I can truly relax, and it's the relaxation that makes this all so sexy. I hate to write this, but the idea makes a lot of sense—maybe not the whole cunt-leader correspondence thing, but the general idea of why I feel like I need to be told what to do. (But obviously, something finally seeming to make sense doesn't excuse any of these other horrors. Not by a long shot.)

"Now we're going to do something called 'breaking' you," said Cadence. A look of horror passed over the Mayor's face, but just as quickly it disappeared. I could tell she'd already been 'broken' psychologically, in a sense.

"Don't worry, it won't hurt," I said, "maybe a little bit of a headache at most."

Shining Armor retrieved something from under the throne: a Breakstone box, of course. He set it in front of Mayor Mare, and then he crouched oddly toward her, his cock bobbing near her face. She swallowed hard, but looked stalwartly up past the nasty penis-boner and into his face.

"There's a part of an adult pony's brain we call the stain," he explained in a slow rhythm as he tapped the center of his captive's forehead with a hooftip. "Right about here, in the front of the organ. It causes certain ponies to act and think irrationally. We have a special tool to break it."

"You'll feel so much better when you're free of the stain!" added Cadence. "All you need to do is look at the stone in the box, and try to relax. That's all there is to it."

She closed her eyes, shivered, and spoke quietly. "This... no. This is completely insane. I'd rather be raped than have brain damage—I'd almost rather die!" There was a short pause. "Please don't rape or kill me," she added.

My brother and sis-in-law both looked at me. I turned my head toward Ms. Mare and took a deep breath. It's my responsibility to see this through. Not because I want to hurt my friend, but because I care so much about her, I thought to myself.

"Ms. Mare?" I said.

"What," she softly replied, letting the word fall out of her mouth like a chunk of lead.

"Do it," I urged. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me with confusion etched across her muzzle.

"W-why?"

"You'll feel better. A lot better."

She looked incredulous. "It's my brain! Holy horsefeathers, Twilight." (I'm sure I blushed, having never heard the Mayor swear before.)

"Look, Princess Cadence had it done. She's the exact same pony she's always been, except now she's less... socially inhibited," I explained. "Her brain is just fine. Everypony who gets broken is glad they did. There hasn't been an exception yet."

"Have you allowed this to happen to your brain, Twilight?" Her stare was forlorn, but it carried with it a hint of accusation.

I paused. "Not yet. I'm bound by the oath, as I said before. But I'm sure I will be broken eventually, and I am certain to enjoy it when I do," I said. I was trying to lie, but secretly, I suspected that was the truth.

Then she looked me right in the eyes, blinking away a stray tear or two. "Twilight Sparkle, if this is really you, and you can honestly tell me you're certain this, this thing, is right... Then, I will do it. I trust you, Twilight. Even now, I trust you."

Something was... stirring within me, yet again.

I need to rest for maybe ten minutes to get myself into a psychological headspace where I can finish this entry (also, my ankle is sore from all the writing).

I'm so sorry for what comes next.

I'll split the entry into two parts at this point. (I have a feeling the second 'half' will be longer than this one, but you get the idea.)

Day 58 (Fall of the Mayor) (Part 2 of 2)

What I'm writing here may be hard to read. I know it will be hard to write, but time is wasting and I want answers from Luna.

Just, reserve judgment as I go, okay? I'm not the monster I appear to be.

I think.

We left off with me about to do terrible things to a good friend.

"Twilight Sparkle, if this is really you, and you can honestly tell me you're certain this, this thing, is right... Then, I will do it. I trust you, Twilight. Even now, I trust you," said Mayor Mare.

Fuck.

I smiled, and to my surprise, it was genuine. "It's okay. I want to see you do it. I want to be with you as it happens, because this is something special we can share together," I said.

An odd realization struck me at that moment: I wasn't lying. Something inside me thrilled to what I was saying. I wanted this to happen to her more than I can describe in words, and I wanted to participate in the experience with her. I was eagerly awaiting it.

Of course I was horrified at how I felt, but there was nothing I could do, right? That strange feeling of goodness made things easier to accept, so I allowed it deep into my heart, where it punctured my soul like a rusty hook fashioned from barbed wire. (Note, that was a metaphor—well, I guess it was a simile, rather, but you get the idea. There isn't literal barbed wire inside my chest cavity; and souls, or consciousness rather, is relatively intangible. Also, I am getting way too poetic with all the similes.)

I realized this feeling was something more than just wanting to help the Mayor. I wanted her to feel better, of course, so my aim was noble to begin with. Right? But the feelings inside me went far beyond simple compassion. Briefly frightened, I quickly tried to pin down the source before my facial expression could change. In short order, I decided it was due to my own curiosity and nothing more. Yes, it may not have been completely ethical, but it wasn't like I could stop them. So my act of compassion also had a utilitarian purpose, too: I could see firsthoof what it looked like. All the raw data, right before my eyes. To witness a pony, broken.

Especially this pony.

Maybe I haven't made this clear, but the Mayor is hooves-down one of the smartest ponies in Ponyville, and even one of the smartest I've ever met. If I watched her being broken, I'd be able to see the changes to her mind, her emotions, her speech, all in real-time as they happened right in front of my nose. It was a new wealth of information I'd been hoping for, right at my hooftips. I was so close to her actual, living brain, and I had front-row seating to the lobotomy. It was dark and wrong, but it was just utilitarianism. I was making the best of a bad situation, and helping a friend in the only way I could. Her sacrifice, if there even was a sacrifice happening, wouldn't go to waste. Right? Of course.

If that had been the true reason why, I might not be mired in the conflicting emotions I feel as I write this. But I hadn't yet reached the bottom of the pit.

She nodded, staring into space. "Then, yes," she said, her voice growing assertive. She looked boldly up to the prince (who had returned to his upright posture) and nodded again, without so much as a blink at the cock presented before her muzzle. "Tell me what to do."

My brother smiled from ear to ear. "Excellent. It's quite simple. Cun—er, Cadance?" he asked, stepping back.

Princess Cadance grasped the box and placed it right in front of Ms. Mare. "It's very simple. Once I slide open part of the box, look into the pretty stone. You can blink as much as you need to, but don't try to close your eyes or look away. Witnessing the Breakstone will give you a visual hallucination, but no dizziness, or confusion, or anything like that—you'll keep a clear head until the very end."

"Afterwards which you may feel a bit tipsy for a while, which is a minor side effect," said Shining Armor. "It's partly due to your body's response to the breaking, and partly from the unusual pleasure you'll feel once you've been... freed."

Cadance nodded. "The whole process runs automatically, so you don't even need to do anything else. As long as you don't fight it, in less than a minute the stone will lock onto that nasty stain and start to destroy it," she said, pointing at her own forehead. (Fortunately, I'm certain the Mayor didn't notice her horn was false. Rarity does excellent fakes, and without training (or being married to a unicorn, I suppose), I doubt any earth pony could tell.) "It will hurt just a little before it locks on, but nothing an adult pony would be concerned by. A headache, just as Twilight Sparkle said. Once it locks on, you won't be able to resist at all, and the pain will numb. It will become pleasurable, in fact."

Mayor Mare took several deep breaths, and looked at me. I smiled warmly.

Cadance continued her speech. "Even if the Breakstone were removed from view after locking on, the damage would continue to cook you, on the inside of your brain. It would take longer to finish, but you would still be completely broken within the hour. If you keep staring at the stone, which you will because we aren't going to move it and you won't be able to resist at that point, the process will be swift. Not that you'll want it to stop, of course. The breaking process is very enjoyable the moment finally learn your little lesson on the virtue of compliance. You're going to enjoy this very much, and it will all be over just a few minutes from now—but the enjoyment will remain."

"Is... is this turning me into some kind of monster?" the Mayor asked Cadance.

Cadance chuckled, and grinned, exposing her fangs. "Not yet! That's the next and final step. We'll turn you, which you'll also enjoy. Then you'll be a darkhoof, which is what we call an earth pony vampony."

The Mayor nodded. "Well, l-let's d-do this," she said, her stuttering belying the valor I knew was lurking beneath that pelt. She was afraid, but courage isn't being unafraid. Courage is facing fear, and her resolve was amazing, especially considering this was the first time she'd been exposed to the Order.

Then she made one simple request. "T-Twilight, can you... Can you... hold me? I, I mean, just m-my hoof, of course," said Ms. Mare. "I'm afraid I can't lift it much..."

"How about this. I'll hug you while it happens, if that's okay?" I offered. I really wanted to hug her. Both the good and awful parts of me did... just for entirely different reasons.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh yes. Yes, I would really like that. Thank you, Twilight. Thank you so much. You're such a good friend."

Despite the irony, I didn't feel guilty. This should have tipped me off that something was very wrong.

Princess Cadance slipped open the metal strip, revealing most of the smooth, reddish Breakstone where it rested on a bed of black velvet. I quickly looked away (though I was very tempted to partake in the experience right along with my friend), and toward what I wanted to see most: her beautiful face, right as the process took her mind away—if that's what it did, I mean. I held my forelegs around her neck and looked into her eyes, and she blushed. I moved my head to the side to unblock the view so it could begin to work its magic on her. She swallowed hard, then stared directly into the Breakstone.

At that point, I realized I was wrong again. The emotions inside me flowed much deeper than I expected. I was actually enjoying watching her succumb to the stone, so this went further than 'making the best of a bad situation'. There was something else, a third layer, I realized: I was living vicariously through her ordeal. I was experiencing the process of being broken through the eyes and the warmth and the voice of my friend. It was as close as I could get to being broken myself, especially since she and I share so much in common. I needed that experience. It wasn't just compassion or curiosity. Her sacrifice provided me with commiseration for what hurt inside; for my unmet desire to follow the Order of Spring. Her sacrifice was keeping me from looking into the stone and offering my own brain to the path of the Order. Essentially, 'helping' Ms. Mare lose her marbles was the only thing still preserving mine. But it wasn't like I was pushing her under the haycart! She would have wanted this for me, and I couldn't have stopped it anyway. Right? Right...

Yet there remained a final layer. Stars above, the brain is an amazing organ. It protects us from our own thoughts, for crying out loud! How cool is that? Maybe it doesn't work as well once you've been broken... and maybe you won't care. I don't know how to feel anymore about the possibility of having this happen to me, so I'm not feeling anything. "C'est la vie," as the Prench would say. (Note to the unfortunate reader: that's pronounced like "say lah vee", not like "saliva". The Prench don't say "saliva", that would be ridic—

Damn. Sorry. My brain is trying to protect me once again by shifting my thoughts into unrelated tangents. You've probably noticed this happening more and more to me, Journal. Anyway...

I watched her delicate mouth open. I listened as she panted softly, and I stroked her cheek. "You're doing great," I whispered.

"I see cotton—no, it's clouds on a sky, both slowly shifting colors amid a palette of bright, clashing, neon hues," she said. This didn't surprise me. The Mayor is one of few ponies to understand scientific inquiry on the same level that I do (she's not just a politician: she's a true Renaissance mare). If she had been crushed by that boulder in my previous horrific thought experiment, and if anypony else were there, and if she managed to keep her wits about her, I'd like to think she would have faithfully described the experience she was enduring. She would rapidly describe all the details from most to least relevant, right up until she lacked the ability to move or speak.

I don't know, maybe I'm projecting. She's not the Mysterious Mare Do Well (no one pony could be, which was kind of the whole point of the thing—although now in retrospect, that was a bizarrely convoluted and dangerous way of convincing Rainbow Dash to stop grandstanding). What I mean is, I'm seeing her that way because I wish I could be like that. I'd like to imagine myself that rational and calm at all times, no matter what, when in truth I really have no idea what I'd do. Probably scream in horror as I die, like all the rest.

I don't want to think about the possibility that dying was exactly what was happening to her. If I ever end up actually believing that's the case, that these vamponies aren't remotely the ponies I knew and loved, then I'll simply give up and accept my ruination because I deserve it. The catharsis would almost be worth losing myself forever. Also, I think the subjunctive mood should appear in the first sentence, but it doesn't sound right—

Shit. Sorry again. Right.

Let me set the gruesome analogies to the side. I knew exactly what the Mayor was doing at that moment, and why. She was passing her experiential data along in case she would be unable to use it herself. She wasn't talking out loud out of curiosity or desire. She didn't have the emotional mindset for that. Then why did she bother? I think it was obvious. She was doing it to protect me. I know I don't deserve anything from her. Maybe she knew that too. But she did it anyway, because it was the right thing to do. That's just the kind of pony she is.

Sweet Stars and cleansing Sun, what have I done? No, no—stop thinking, keep writing.

"My forehead hurts, a little," she reported. "It's like somepony's digging into it with an awl, but mostly pressure with a hint of pain, maybe two out of ten at worst. The sky is remarkably beautiful as I watch the colors shift. I don't think this 'Breakstone' thing has locked on to me yet, because I don't feel compelled to keep staring," she said. "Twilight, if that's still you holding me, please tell me I should be doing this... before it's too late?" she whispered, begging for mercy.

I had no mercy to offer her. I didn't know why.

"It's wonderful," I whispered back, gently stroking her mane. "Just keep staring at the pretty colors, and let it happen. Don't fight this any longer. I know this is scary, but I'm here for you, Ms. Mare."

She breathed rapidly and nodded, her eyes remaining fixed. "It's pleasurable already, and it was a little pleasant even at the very beginning," she said. "That might be adrenaline, though. There's a building euphor—"

Suddenly, she fell silent. Her eyes had opened wide in a frightful look of shock, and her jaw hung loose. And that was the end of hope for the Mayor. There was nothing more I could do but watch and learn (and continue to hold her in my legs to comfort her—or what remained of her, in the worst case). As she stopped panting, I started panting. At first I thought the reflection of the stone in her eyes was locking onto me, because I could feel the same mixture of fear and euphoria she must have been experiencing. But it wasn't the stone that was doing it. Those feelings were coming from deep inside me.

Then I did something truly, truly despicable.

I kissed her cheek. "Good girl," I whispered in a condescending tone, directly into her ear. I felt an electric jolt pass through my twat (that's a new invective for pussy I picked up from Rarity recently—I'm fairly certain this one means 'vulva' much more than 'vagina', but who knows) and a pulsing deep throughout my, um, 'love tunnel'. (Wow. Sometimes euphemisms are naughtier than vulgarity.)

After a few moments, the Mayor's face relaxed and her mouth closed. She spoke again, but in a more leisurely tone. "Oh, now this is very nice. I know it's too late to save me, but it's okay," she said, her voice soft and gentle—still delivering data, but in a less-purposeful voice. "It just feels too right to stop, and I don't want to stop, until it finishes having its way with, with my... my soul. The desire to keep staring is... it's primal, deeper than my conscious mind can process. No, I take that back, it's not a desire at all. It's more like... a command...? No; it's a reflex," she said, trying to describe the indescribable. "The need to help this beautiful stone finish off my brain seems to be lodged deep within me, though I can't pin down the logic behind it. Maybe it has drugged me somehow, and I'm being very foalish as a result... but it seems Princess Cadance was being honest. I can't understand why, but I don't think I could reject the Breakstone even if I wanted to. And I don't..." Her voice trailed off into silence, and the look on her face turned to a silly smile.

Okay, I need to warn you. This next part is going to sound incredibly horrible, but bear with me, Journal. There's more to my experience than meets the eye, which is the only reason I can still function well enough to write down these words. I'm not quite as terrible a pony as it sounds here. I think. So be patient with me.

I should have felt an immediate revulsion toward myself, but I didn't. Watching my friend's mind snap, right there in front of me, felt right. And it was much more than that.

I betrayed my own friend, and I was positively enraptured knowing that was precisely what I had done.

There was no mistaking it. I was in pure ecstasy as I took the final steps to permanently seal my friend's doom. It was the betrayal itself that was making me feel this incredible, Journal. The dark and withered fruit of my traitorous act was literally soaking my thighs. I had—and have—never been so horny in my recently-perverted life. I'm sure I was 'winking', and I'm not even going to add an 'ew' this time because it felt wonderful in a dozen different ways.

My non-vampony mind couldn't begin to process the sheer magnitude of what was happening to me, or why. It was like I was the one being broken, not vicariously at all, but for real. I just loved everything about this. I loved watching her die, in a sense, right there before my eyes where I could feel and listen and touch and soak it all in, where I could help it happen and be a part of her demise and see the pretty looks on her face all the while. I wanted this to finish her more than anything. I wanted her brain to cook, and leave behind a perfect cunt, a better Mayor Mare. A horny, obedient pet with a lust for my brother's cock, but by some miracle, still as bright and shrewd as ever.

I continued to pet her face and smile. For a moment, I even felt proud of what I was doing. I wanted to do this again and again, to everypony I knew and loved. I didn't understand why I felt this way, and I almost didn't care. But then, I started to feel a crashing sensation of guilt, as I wondered...

Am I... "evil"?

It certainly seemed that way, but I'm convinced that wasn't the case. No amount of sexual arousal is going to make Twilight Sparkle do terrible things to her friends. But wait, isn't that what just happened? Not quite. I may have been thrilling to it, but it wasn't because I was aroused. Rather, the same flawed piece of me was causing both the feelings and the motivation. I realized there was something behind the betrayal, because this was so unlike the pony I know myself to be, and feeling or not, I wasn't the one being broken here. That's when it finally dawned on me. I was trying to save her, the only possible way I could. Let me explain.

My world was falling apart, and every fiber of my being ached for evidence that this nightmare wasn't what it seemed. Just like a bad scientist (which almost bothers me as much as the rest, I'm afraid), I started with the answer I needed to 'discover' (i.e., the Order is right), then selected only those evidentiary data which corresponded to my theory. I realized I wasn't reacting out of a thirst for power, or ill intentions toward Ms. Mare, or anything self-centered. She was going to break at some point, that much was inevitable. To my subconscious mind, the only way to keep her alive was to believe the breaking was a marvelous thing, a thing I could be proud of assisting with; that it was the very salvation the vamponies claim it to be. That's what happened inside me. I lost my mind and followed the Order, and I felt as helpless as if I were staring at my own Breakstone. The taint on my heart lasted for less than a minute, but the time span was irrelevant. It was done. None of it could be taken back.

Conflicting emotions started to bubble up within me, as a roiling mass of inconsistent feelings and epiphanies came rushing to the fore. I suddenly understood exactly what I had done here, and to whom I'd just done it. I had partaken in something truly and inexcusably deplorable. Justifying it by saying 'it was going to happen anyway' and 'I don't want her to suffer' wasn't working anymore. Those weren't real justifications. They were excuses, and I knew it. The largest part of this wasn't compassion, curiosity, or commiseration. It was coping. This was the only way I could accept what was happening to her.

But the veil had lifted, and now the experience was no longer any of those things. It was abhorrent. That's all it was.

My brother must have noticed the falling expression on my face. Within seconds he was firmly hugging me from the side. He was half-mounting me, his forelegs around my neck as he nuzzled at my cheek and kept the rest of his body to one side. I felt his warm penis touch my flank (my actual flank, not the haunch as foals generally mean when they say 'flank'), and I felt the cool wetness dribbling against it, and I didn't mind. I'm not going to lie, Journal. It helped. Just... not anywhere near enough to stop the tsunami of pain and guilt from smashing into me.

"It's okay, Sis," he whispered. "I know it was hard, but you helped her. You did the right thing. Without you, we'd have needed to make her taste the wolf in order to prompt her to consent to the Breakstone, and that would have been confusing and frightening for her."

"It, it doesn't even matter if I did a good thing," I whispered back, my head shivering against his neck. "I did this for the wrong reasons, and, and it's so awful—"

"No, it's good," mumbled the Mayor, dreamily. "Thank you, Twilight. You did an admirable job. I'm very proud of you."

Shining rested his cheek against my horn as he squeezed me tight. It was just like he used to do, when I was a foal, back when he was my heroic knight who could do anything at all—even reverse time and make all the bad things in my life go away. All he had to do was hold me as tight as could be in his safe, secure legs until the danger and pain had passed. It used to work like a charm. But back then, he wasn't part of the very thing that was hurting me.

"You're hurting inside, Twilight. I can tell, and I'm sorry," he said. "But you needed to see this happen, and you know that. You helped make this a much nicer experience for your friend."

"I feel like I just k-killed her," I said, choking up.

"Um, right here, not killed," Ms. Mare whispered, still staring into the stone with that silly grin on her muzzle. Then she giggled. You know, Journal... I don't think I'd ever heard the Mayor giggle before? It was a beautiful sound. It didn't help my mood in the slightest, but it was undeniably beautiful.

Shining Armor squeezed me tighter. "You didn't hurt her, Twilight. Think! Use that remarkable brain of yours! Princess Cadance is fine, isn't she? Her brain is still every bit as amazing as yours is, isn't it? Although, I can't say that about anypony other than my wife," he said, with a chuckle. "I mean, you're both beyond compare. The only difference with Cadance now is her opinions, and what she understands about herself that she'd never realized before. And those changes don't even come from the breaking! Breaking just helps a pony relax, so they can understand how they really feel about things. No more anxiety, no more missed opportunities, and no more living through Tartarus like you're doing to yourself right now. This marvelous process helps a pony to see things they never could see before, and I'm not talking about vampony senses. It helps them believe in themself, for who and what they truly are. And eventually, it allows them to accept and understand their place. You'll continue to see this unfold as the Mayor's brain finishes cooking to perfection. Can't you see how happy she is, even now?"

I wiped tears from my eyes and sniffed. "I don't... I, I just can't..." I whispered, eventually relenting with a soft, "...okay." I was completely numb inside. My brother kissed my ears, and I relaxed into his side-mount as we both waited patiently for Ms. Mare to finish... No, that might not be accurate. For her to be finished.

It became obvious when the Breakstone had completed 'perfecting' ~~the cunt~~ Mayor Mare. (Ugh. I'm not sure why I wrote that. Being a part of this nightmare is like... it's like exposure to lethal radiation. It changes you in cancerous ways, even if you haven't been broken, or bitten, or anything.) Her eyes suddenly rolled all the way back in her head and she collapsed onto the carpet, rather awkwardly due to her still-shackled ankles and heavy marble-and-lead shoes. I was terrified that she'd just had a stroke (she was also spraying something out of her vulva, and her body shivered—a strokegasm? ...dammit, Pinkie) which would make perfect sense, since we pretty much just stabbed her directly in the brain with an ancient demonic artifact whose true origins I still don't know. But I looked up to Cadance, and she was smiling serenely, so I took this as a good sign. Er, as a sign she hadn't ruptured a blood vessel in her brain, I mean.

A few stray thoughts, while I have them.

I've noticed that I trust Princess Cadance's reactions more than any(vam)pony else's. I think it's because, even though she's a Lady, it's tacit she's still a cunt (as Shining can and has called her that). What I mean is, she's a cunt like me, and we're very close, so I understand how she thinks. (Mom would be another example of a cunt like me. Like mother, like daughter? Oh, fuck... fuck this. Now I'm leaking on the towels in Luna's pet bed, where I'm sitting as I write—probably why they're here.) Anyway, Cadance is a pony I can relate to as an intelligent(-seeming) link to those who follow the Order of Spring. With luck, proper note-taking, and a miracle or two, I might even start to understand precisely what and how she's thinking.

In contrast, I don't trust my read of my brother at all. It could be the gender, the Master thing, his irrepressible dominance, or something else, but he seems... almost as alien as he seems familiar. Why? His personality is identical, and he still loves me (a bit TOO much, actually). Why am I second-guessing myself so readily when it comes to him, and not her? Is it because he seems to be in control of the entire thing? I think there's something else I'm missing.

Well, it's probably a moot point anyway. If there aren't any vampony-insight miracles headed my way (which seems a safe bet, given the chance for one grows less likely by the hour), I will indeed get to find out how she thinks, if you follow me. I mean, at some point I'm bound to give in and let them break me, and that will solve the entire mystery, won't it? I'd suddenly, magically understand everything, just like that. Why shouldn't I do that right now? Oh, right: because it might not end up being me, in the sense in which I respect myself, and then I'd be completely fucked (pun intentional). I want to view this from the outside more than I want to give in to it... though admittedly, only a skosh more.

In a sick way, watching Mayor Mare was a lot like window-shopping. Breaking me would be exactly like what I just participated in, a perfect copy of the horrors I witnessed and assisted with today. And you know, Journal, if this chaos does claim me, I really hope Ms. Mare in particular is there to cheerfully help fry my brain out of sweet gratitude for me frying hers. That would be just perfect. It would be the cherry on the top of the hideous, cum-filled sundae. I'd be getting exactly what I deserve, and I'm pretty damn sure I'd be drooling just as hard out of my pussy as I did when I helped break her. Even thinking about how my betrayal made me feel, and what I saw in her eyes, it's... fuck, it's making me wet again, which is only worsening the guilt. (Thank goodness for the towels.)

Heavens above, I even hope I scream just like she did, that horrid, deathly sound! I want every speck of karma to come back upon my breast, all of the stupid mistakes I've made, heaped right onto my broken back (and mind)... exactly where they belong. Won't you finish me too, Brother? I deserve it, even if I don't truly want it. It would be ironically poignant if he'd just get on with it and fucking force me so he can start force fucking me. Forcing me would prove I was right about them all along. They know how close I am to caving in. Why are they waiting? Is my BBBFF torturing me, or is he just waiting me out, like he says?

Or... does he actually care about my consent, in all of this? I can't imagine that he does, or I wouldn't be a prisoner, would I? He probably thinks he does. It's probably out of guilt. I guess it's good to know that he still has a conscience somewhere, deep in the tangled mass of his deranged feelings. Yes, I still think the most likely hypothesis is that they're stringing me along because they feel bad about all the trauma I've endured. They want to feel noble and proud again... but it's not going to happen.

Yet, I'm still Twilight Sparkle, which means I'm still insatiably curious. As much as I hate to admit this, turning me might be the only way for me to ever wrap my (damaged) brain around this phenomenon. I'm not a little filly anymore. No longer am I the studious, friendless dork with the brains of a genius and all the wisdom of a goldfish. I know there exist questions that can't be answered (doesn't mean we shouldn't try, but the math is clear). I know that, what I want to know may not have an answer that makes sense to anypony except possibly Discord.

Oh, and on that note, I am mad as Tartarus about how he abandoned us just before this mess began! He has to have something to do with everything, because the timing was perfect, and nothing here makes any sense. Maybe that's why Fluttershy was able to get over him going away. Chaos is his modus operandi, for goodness sake! Hmm. Well, maybe not the massive exchanges of bodily fluids. I'm pretty sure even he would find those gross. He's kind of prissy, actually. (Maybe insulting him will summon him, hooves crossed. Unlikely. If he were around he certainly would have stopped by to gloat long ago.)

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is this. What if I have to experience being broken in order to have any chance at comprehending what it's like? Maybe this is something you just can't understand from the outside, no matter how hard you try. For example, feeling like you're born into the wrong body (it's something recent from psychology, like 'transponyhood' or something like that, or just transgender—not that that one's any less interesting, mind you). I'm pretty sure nopony has a clue what something like that is like unless they have it themself. Or, mind-altering drugs, for another example. Like ketamine, a simple horse tranquilizer used to initiate general anesthesia. Simple, that is, until you take slightly less than you need to completely lose consciousness. I haven't tried any, but I've learned from the literature that nopony knows exactly how to describe those experiences in any natural language. Not in a way that truly conveys how it feels to witness from the inside.

'Breaking' is clearly a crazy mental experience, but who knows what happened inside the Mayor's brain? Maybe nothing's changed, or maybe she's secretly a completely different pony, not even the same conscious soul. Maybe even she's totally brain-dead and being animated by invisible breezies. (Okay, the last one isn't me being serious, but I'm just trying to illustrate that I don't have any reasonable basis for estimation.)

I just don't know, and I hate not knowing.

I leaned in toward the Mayor, and Shining released his grip around my neck. I pulled her up a bit into my legs, which was very difficult given how unbelievably heavy a fully-grown earth pony is (not to mention the shoes) but I was able to sort of prop her legs up with mine. Her breath was soft, if a little stinky (I'm sure she just ate before this, it's not her fault—I can't blame her for imperfect dental hygiene with the entire world at stake). The smile on her face was an image of pure serenity. I felt like I loved her, and maybe that was happening too, even as ~~fixed~~ messed-up as it sounds.

Her eyes fluttered open gently, to my great relief. She turned her head toward mine, and she cleared her throat to speak.

"It's okay. I think I'm fine. Tipsy: check. Still confused about this 'vampony' thing: check. Still have no interest in becoming a monster despite how pleased I am about the breaking process: partial check. Horny: double-check, and I'm shocked that I'm not afraid to talk about being horny this casually. Afraid: uncheck; see tipsy, but... it's more than that," she explained. "I feel a little like I've taken an anti-anxiety drug in combination with a small quantity of alcohol, ignoring the synergistic effects. It's not severe, though. I feel almost back to normal, apart from the tipsiness, and but for the fact that my vagina is practically gushing right now. Also the fact that I'm happy about that last thing."

She did seem normal. If I didn't know, and she'd bathed, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Sweet cleansing dragonfire, what if the vamponies are actually right?

Nope! That's impossible. Nonetheless, the Mayor's was compelling testimony and it was tempting me to give in for all the reasons I've previously described. I just didn't know if I could trust her words anymore. They came from the mouth of Mayor Mare, but also the miasma of her mental madness. (Yes, I really like alliteration, even here, and I'm not apologizing for it.) Of course, maybe she shouldn't have trusted me either, so it's not like I can point my hooftips.

I didn't understand her change in mood or the shift in her rational perception. No combination of psychoactive chemicals that I know of are capable of doing something like this to a sapient person. Even if she's euphoric, she still shouldn't be happy about the breaking. The only mental states involving a complete reversal of acceptance that could possibly happen in response to brain-chemistry altering drugs would be mental states where the Mayor is left completely unable to speak intelligently. That's obviously not the case. Her language parsing seems normal, or even incredible if she actually felt drunk as reported. But again, she's pretty amazing.

I struggled to fathom what she might be thinking and feeling. Why was she okay with this now? Did I actually convince her it was a good thing? Was she permanently tipsy, or ditzy, or some other odd mental state she'll have to hide using magic or something? Has she become naive as a schoolfilly? Is she a monster already, and just hiding it? Does she now know some horrible secret, implanted into her recently fucked-up mind by the Breakstone itself?

Worst of all possibilities, is she just, well... right, to enjoy this? Is that actually possible? It couldn't be. Could it?

I petted her mane where she lay beside me. "That's... I'm glad to hear that," I said, the sadness more obvious in my voice than I wanted it to be.

"Twilight, may I tell you something?"

I sighed and smiled wanly. "Ms. Mare, you can tell me anything you like. You're not 'below me', not because of the princess thing, and certainly not the breaking or vampony thing or anything else. Being a mare doesn't mean you need to ask for permission—"

She looked back into my eyes, muzzle to muzzle, our noses almost touching.

Those beautiful, brilliant blue eyes of hers! Why didn't I notice them before today? And I actually like the fact that she dyes her hair grey. Mayor Mare has always been a true leader. She knows that the way to properly lead other ponies is not with bravado or an iron hoof. The exact opposite is true, actually. You lead by humility, by putting yourself below your followe—

Oh.

Wow.

Well, I don't have time to think about this now. There's too much more to write.

"Don't be silly, Twilight. I know I don't need permission to ask you something," she answered, with a smile and a chuckle. (Suddenly I felt like the brain-damaged one for assuming she was mentally incompetent now.) "I only ask because it's something very personal that I want to share with you, and I want you to be prepared for that. And judging by how I feel, if you were broken too, I wouldn't even need to ask because you'd already want to know. It's something I should have said to you a long time ago. Something about us."

"Please, say it," I urged. (Unlike the Mayor, I was definitely afraid of what she might say.)

She smiled. "I've always been attracted to you. Physically, mentally, the whole nine."

"You... you what? Really? Me?" I said.

She kept the smile on, but her voice sounded sad. "My Stars, Twilight. You don't even know you're beautiful, do you?" she said rhetorically, nosing against my cheek. "Yes, you. I admire you for who you are, and what you do, and I feel like we share much in common, but obviously you're a princess and I'm just an earth pony..."

"There's no such thing as 'just' an earth pony," I scoffed, frowning. "Especially not you, Mare! I'd have loved to hear that from you. I mean, before this recent, rapid introduction into perversion, I didn't understand sexual feelings at all, so probably not. But now that I do, yes, I want to know. I can't believe you never told me just because you felt... like, inferior, or something?"

She shook her head and smiled. "Maybe that was part of it, but the problem was being able to say it, without fear of rejection. Being close to you here, and feeling my inhibitions melt away... It feels almost like my reticence is because I was all mixed up in the head," she said.

"Fixed-up," corrected Cadance.

"Antonym of broken. Adorable," she replied. "But it's the truth, Twilight. Something, something deep inside of me, was holding me back from happiness. Now it's just... gone. I'm not afraid anymore."

"Inhibitions are important," I said, desperately fighting with words, for no reason other than to retain the ability to continue fighting with more words.

Princess Cadance knelt and lifted my chin. "If not for the Breakstone, Ms. Mare would probably have gone to her grave never telling you how she feels about you," she said. "You would never have even known! Now how does that make you feel? Be honest with yourself, Twilight."

I tried to use my best lecturing voice, but everything came out Fluttershy (well, typical Fluttershy, at least: soft and meek). "I... but... inhibitions are an essential part of mammalian psychology. A high mental threshold is necessary in order to shield our social lives from the pain and awkwardness that—"

"The threshold is too high, Twilight," said Cadance, her voice rising a little with obvious frustration. "We're not the ones out of control—you are! We still have inhibitions, but we can control them now. While you, and other ponies as fixed-up as you, can't. I mean, surely you must see how special this is, no matter how fixed-up you might be in that brilliant but heavily-stained mind of yours."

"No," I said, looking away from both of them. "I... Maybe I shouldn't have learned she had a crush on me. If everypony is falling in love with everypony they lay eyes on, wouldn't everything just..."

My voice trailed off as I realized I didn't believe in what I was saying. Of course she should have told me. Of course I should know. What good is there in playing these games that keep us from our happiness, I thought? I didn't have an answer. When I met the Mayor's eyes and saw her smile, I knew she could see right through my ruse. I knew I had lost the argument, and she knew I knew, and I knew that, and there were undoubtedly several more iterations (I'm not precisely certain where it stopped).

"Well... has a crush, in the present tense," corrected the Mayor, with a blush and a giggle. I blushed back. (Pegacorn or not, I'm only pony.)

Then, like a spider sensing a fly landing in her web, my BBBFF stepped forward and leaned over me, his hard, drooling cock right in front of my face. Fuck everything, but... I wanted to drink my own brother's precum, right then, nastiness be damned. Would that make me physically ill, or even suffer a bacterial infection or something? I didn't know, but I didn't care, either. I wanted him to fuck my face like it was a pussy. (I hope there's a word for it. I should ask Rarity.) I wanted my first taste of cock. It should be him, shouldn't it? That's what my clit was telling me. (Tells me, too. I'm filth, Journal. I can't ever be cleaned, not even with all the soap in Equestria.)

He looked at the Mayor, and nodded her way. She seemed to understand. A moment later, her muzzle pressed against mine, which guided me back into those lovely orbs. Her eyes were my Breakstone, and as long as she stared directly into mine, I was paralyzed. It was almost like she were a cockatrice. (I really hate those, by the way. I do not like being stoned. Bizarrely, Pinkie once told me I'd like it if I did it with the right ponies. Then she laughed. I think it was a joke, but I really don't get it.)

"Do it, Twilight. Do it right now, with me," she whispered, and kissed me gently on the lips. "You've made me so happy. Let me do the same for you, right here and now, you perfect little mare."

Unfortunately, that look in her eyes was familiar. She was falling in love with me, right there, just as I'd guessed. This was beyond a simple crush. That's what happens when you don't have inhibitions, isn't it? And it's not like I can be in love with everypony, that's ridiculous.

Obviously, this is a side-effect of the stone's...

No. I can't conclude that fairly, because it was happening to me, too. But, why? I haven't a clue. Maybe I'm just weird and romantic inside, or something? Maybe I was always "batty" to begin with, already broken and hungry for love like a changeling whore (ick, sorry already for that visual image— all those holes no, wait, nevermind) who would suck it right out of anypony to offer it up. I mean, maybe I'm nothing more than a defective pervert, and I simply never realized it until my snap-quick sexual awakening.

Or maybe it's because I was without friends for too long, and now I'm desperate for approval and forgiveness. It's possible I'm just as bad as the process I'm railing against, isn't it? I might even be so far gone I can't tell where other ponies end and I begin. But my point is clear: falling in love at the drop of a shoe isn't solely the domain of broken ponies, so I can't say with confidence that's why she feels this way toward me. It seems now she can reveal her feelings because she doesn't care if her emotions get trampled in the process. Maybe that can't happen to vamponies? I don't know. But what would happen if I rejected her? Would she be fine, or devastated?

Don't laugh, Journal (obviously, I know you can't), but maybe being broken just gives you magical retrospective "cider goggles"? The Mayor says she thinks I'm pretty, and she's so confused right now she actually seems to believe she always felt that way. Maybe Cadance is like that, too (it would explain a whole lot). You just want to fuck everypony because everypony looks beautiful to you. The whole concept behind this is absurdity. I'm not pretty, and I'm not somepony other ponies fall in love with, even if I happen to be falling in love with everypony I get close to. That's not a flaw everypony has. It's my flaw, but it isn't common for normal ponies.

I guess the only thing I know for certain is how little I truly know.

Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor both leaned down toward us with smiles on their faces. Mayor Mare was still smiling. The nightwings were smiling. Everypony was smiling, except me. I could see an invisible hoof there, reaching toward me, beckoning me to join them forever.

"It's okay, Twily. I'll be so gentle with you," whispered my brother. "I can't wait to watch you fall before me and become mine—perhaps not my personal cunt, but my actual sister. My sweet little sister, the way brothers and sisters were meant to be."

Holy moly, that was creeptastic. But it was working on my heart anyway.

In my mind, I tried to focus on facts, figures, data—anything to keep my emotions from spilling out of my brain, both figuratively and literally. Fortunately, I realized something crucial: I still had a job to do. I had to document all of this. I could surround myself with duty, with the book and what I was recording, and maybe earn enough of a reprieve from that dedication to survive one more day.

"I'd... prefer to speak with Luna first," I said, my voice weak and wavering. I just barely managed to pop those words out of my mouth.

Brother and Sister's expressions soured. "Okay," said Shining, as Cadance left to (presumably) check on Luna. "In due time, you'll be a part of our family again. I'm very proud of you, Twilight. It won't be long now, and your suffering will finally be a thing of the past."

I rested and cuddled with my newly-lobotomized friend. She really was much nicer this way, I briefly thought. Then I felt a horrid chill up my spine, and I stopped thinking about everything entirely. Just feeling the warmth of her body was enough to keep me tethered to the present.

What must have been a few minutes later, the side door opened. Cadance entered, followed by Rarity and Princess Luna herself.

"I am pleased things have bidden well for you this eve, Twilight Sparkle," said Luna, nodding in my direction.

"We almost had her," said Shining Armor, rearing back up into the stance, bobbing cock and all. "Any day... any hour, even. She's right on the razor's edge, Lady Luna." He said it all like I wasn't even there to hear it; but in some sense, I guess I wasn't. I knew exactly what they were doing to me. Why should they bother to hide? I was like a commodity being openly discussed, and my opinion wasn't important in the slightest. That's all. No big psychological deal or anything.

I tried not to listen, but then Luna mentioned a new datum I couldn't ignore.

"Neigh, Master Shining Armor," she said, shaking her head.

"What do—" said Princess Cadance, only to have her husband's hoof squeeze her muzzle shut.

"Quiet, bitch," he said firmly, with a sinister grin.

In response, Cadance giggled through her nose and squirmed her butt around, with her tail lifted right in my direction, for obvious reasons—twat dripping with moisture. (For those of you who may already be so brain-damaged that nothing is obvious anymore, she did it so I could see all that nastiness. Probably Mayor Mare, too.) I could smell the damn thing from here, though the Mayor's odor (and even my own) were stronger given the distance. Oddly enough, I wasn't nauseated.

"For a moment there I was worried he was serious," the Mayor whispered to me.

"He was!" I whispered back.

Ms. Mare chuckled. "That's just... a little naughty roleplay, Twilight. I'd be concerned if she didn't enjoy it so much, but it's obviously mutual."

"I don't think you realize how deep this goes. I hope you're right," I said, knowing with great certainty that she wasn't.

I tried not to stare into that pretty pink gaping abyss of my future, I really, truly did. I just didn't succeed. I was so horny I was about to burst, and I'm almost that 'pent up' even as I write this. I need an orgasm, and I'm not even a vampony! How? Why? Something is very wrong with me. I must be damaged beyond repair.

(Note: the vamponies' conversation continued while the Mayor and I talked, but I kept track of both.)

Shining Armor then turned back to Luna. "What do you mean?" he asked her.

That was probably exactly what Cadance was going to ask her. I have a sneaking suspicion that, despite the idea making zero sense whatsoever, the useless nature of the transgression against his wife was exactly why he did it. And it was why her damaged brain made her enjoy it. It looked playful and fun, but no. This is sick to the core, whether or not I understand it.

"I fear that Twilight Sparkle is destined to elude our grasp, one final time," said Luna, with a distinct clop of one forehoof against the marble floor (the vamponies were all over by the side entrance, off the carpet).

"That isn't possible," said Shining Armor, his face incredulous (this is when the Mayor and I stopped talking). "Not even for her! How could she escape? The cuff is glued onto her horn, the solvent isn't anywhere in the castle, and the castle is locked down like a vault! She's weak, she's constantly monitored, and she can't cast spells..."

"Honestly?" I called out to them rather than trotting over. "That sounds pretty impossible to me, too."

I'll admit that my statement was only partly true. My mind never shuts down the alternatives, it only mutes them temporarily. I could find a way to escape, I knew it, and now I had the encouragement to do just that. I just didn't see the solution yet, and even if I did, I didn't have the motivation while lying there snuggled up with that wonderful mare. We began to entwine our legs and gently trade simple, normal little kisses. For the briefest, golden moment, I'd even forgotten what I'd done to her.

Sadly, the details of the conversation were too distracting to allow me further respite. (My mind wasn't on the kisses, even when I was the one making them. Doing them? I'm not sure of the right verb.) "My source is very clear. She shall escape our confinement, but only once more," said Luna, with a gentle shrug. "That is all. What has been, shall yet be."

"Okay, but then we catch her again, right?" said Brother. "Specifically, before all Tartarus breaks loose?"

Luna furrowed her brow, then shrugged. "I have not ascertained the answers to those queries in particular, but I believe your hopes should not be in vain. I maintain it is a safe assumption that her recapture, and final submission to the Order, is what fate has in store for our poor Twilight," she said, casting a mournful stare in my direction. "Otherwise, I am being misled by my source—and I am quite certain that is not the case."

"And you still refuse to tell us who, or what, this source is," Shining added. It sounded like he was getting a little angry, and even at this distance I could see the glint of his fangs.

"You are to leave my bitch be," said Master Shadowbane, in a surprisingly polite tone. "On the whole, I have confidence that this mare, moreso than any other to be found within our two kingdoms, knows precisely the truth of her words. I have full faith in her character and the wisdom of her... many years. No offense, cunt," he added, with a wink. (Luna appeared to suppress a chuckle.)

Shining Armor pursed his lips and nodded his head momentarily before looking back up to the other Master. "Yes, Master Shadowbane. I'm sure you understand my anxiety, though. I'm just concerned—"

To my shock (how can these things still shock me?), Shadowbane yanked my brother into a two-legged kiss, and they mashed sloppy muzzles together for about thirty seconds and it was really really gross and it made no sense because they're both males and both Masters even. The End. The moral of this unfortunate tiny story: Harmony itself has gone mad beyond measure.

Well, okay, there was a little more. My sweet Mare kept giggling and playfully batting my hooves away from my eyes with her muzzle, to expose me to the show. I kept my eyes fully closed so it didn't even matter, but feeling her nuzzle my hooves away from my face still made me blush (I could feel the blood positively thrumming through my cheeks). I guess my hooves were there for extra protection, or something? Yeah, I guess I was cowering like Fluttershy. It sounds silly, but I swear... it probably looked much sillier.

(Note: that last sentence was an attempt at dry humor, to keep me sane—though it might be a little wet because I'm not very good with jocularity yet. Pinkie Pie taught me that pointing out precisely where a joke is will somehow cause that joke to no longer be funny. But how else are readers supposed to know when to laugh? Oh, Pinkie. You're completely ridiculous, and I miss you so much. I guess it's for the best, though. I'll bet that crazy mare would have convinced me to drill my fucking brains out the moment I was recaptured.)

"Twilight, do you wish to follow me now? I must exchange Sun for Moon, and then we can discuss your questions." Luna motioned toward the smaller doorway with her horn.

I didn't want to leave Ms. Mare, I really didn't, but she released me.

"It's okay! Go talk. I know I'll see you again very soon," she said, smiling in a warm, queer way that spoke straight to the depths of her newfound insanity.

Moon Black walked over to Ms. Mare and began telling her about vampony conversion. She remained in the shackles, but didn't seem to mind. I found it interesting that she still seemed skeptical of the transition. Apparently, being broken wasn't enough to force her into blind compliance.

I left and followed Luna down the hallway. Rarity tagged along, and idly said something to nopony in particular about how she wondered if she were magically turned into a pregnant changeling queen, whether or not it would feel like she was ejaculating babies out of her abdominal ovipositor. Meanwhile, I was trying not to remember any of the details of what she said, and failing spectacularly as this paragraph well illustrates. I was especially trying not to imagine Chrysalis orgasming out egg after egg.

I should not have written that last sentence in my journal, Journal.

Rarity, I want to slap you. Not in a sexy way, though. In the 'stop being ridiculous' way everypony gets tempted to do to Pinkie, but nopony can do it because she's far too cute and endearing.

It's evening now. I asked Luna why we weren't having the dinner Cadance had mentioned, but apparently the formal feast is set for midnight (of course), so we have plenty of time. (Yes, we get it already, you like the night and darkness and being spooky because you're moody fuckcentric creatures who need constant showers of love in order to feel well about yourselves, and you're sad and edgy and tortured and artistic and misunderstood, et cetera. Hee hee. I'd say I just ripped the vamponies a new asshole with that sentence, but they'd probably love having more orifices to perversely violate.)

I'm finally done writing. Luna and her friend slept while I wrote all this, but it's only been a couple of hours or so. I'm getting incredibly quick with my hoofwriting, but wow, is my ankle sore. (Answer? Yes. Yes it is.) I can't remember the last time I used manumantic grip this much in one sitting, and since I'm not a full alicorn with earth pony nature, I'm not innately gifted with my hooves. Fortunately, Luna is going to cast my transcription spell for me now, so I'll be able to remember every detail of our upcoming conversation. I can then complete the next entry at my leisure, rather than documenting my suffering immediately after it happens to me.

I can see the night sky from her room, and the garden outside. I'm so close to freedom, yet an eternity distant. (The glass windows in both regents' quarters are impenetrable.)

Brief note: I can't see the peepholes from inside here. Is it really possible she doesn't know? Why does Princess Celestia have a view into her sister's room, anyway? I'm still bothered by this. I need to ask her. I need to ask her a lot of things, but none of them have been a priority in the brief moments we've been able to speak or write.

This has been the longest day of my life, and there are still several hours remaining. At least it can't get any worse. I hope.

Day 58 (Luna's Rationale)

I informed Princess Luna I'd finished writing. She slipped out of bed (where she'd been cuddling a sleeping Pipsqueak—yes, the tiny runt from Ponyville who'd had a crush on her) and she cast the transcription spell on my mind. She was fully nude, neither wearing an ounckse nor her usual regalia. Even her hooves were unshod.

Somehow this felt... 'naughty'? But that's the opposite of how going nude is supposed to work. Right?

I cleared my throat. "Okay. Now, before you start your story, we really need to talk about this," I said, pointing at the tiny colt, who couldn't possibly be older than six.

"I assumed as much, Princess," said Luna. She carefully tucked Pip beneath her satin bedsheets and placed a tiny set of earmuffs on his ears. "This way he should not be awakened, but do take care not to shout or use your Royal Canterlot Voice."

I thought this was a silly request. "I'm not going to shout," I promised, but the expression on my face said, "Really?".

Luna sat on the floor, and I followed her lead. There were plenty of pillows, which was at least one nice thing to happen to me today. Then she tossed me a wet towel.

"What's this sup— oh," I said, blushing fiercely. I lifted a pillow in front of my groin for modesty and wiped my mare-parts clean, drying with one of the towels from the bed I hadn't already dampened. Luna took both towels and teleported them away, along with the rest in the bed. (She had plenty more available, naturally. If I didn't mention this, they were colored an unusual but beautiful mix of deep blue and shiny silver. I'm pretty sure Rarity would adore them.)

"I ask for your tranquility because you have earned, shall we say, a reputation in recent weeks," said Luna. "No offense is intended by this observation. It is perfectly understandable that you would have a flair for the dramatic at present, given the terrible suffering you have, and continue to, put yourself through—"

"Luna, stop. I'm not interested in hearing that blame-the-victim shit again," I said. "Do you realize what you're doing to that foal?" My eyes were narrow, and I'm sure she could tell that I was about to give her the third degree.

"Pipsqueak's stay with me is a conversation we should have tomorrow, for it will take quite a while. If it helps put you more at ease, I am merely cuddling him, and he is not a vampony foal. He retains his virginity at present," she said.

At present. Yeah.

"Fine, we'll talk about it later," I said, and made sort of an exasperated grunting noise. (I'm not sure how much of my self-description is relevant, to be honest, but I'm trying not to omit anything now that the spell is active). I continued, "As we've discussed, I'm here to learn how this Order of Spring nonsense started. However, I also have some specific questions I hope you can answer."

"The Order of Spring has no beginning, to be precise, but I can indeed detail the history of the idea and terminology, the vampony infection, and much more. If you have questions of another nature, you may ask some now, or wait until after your history lesson," said Luna. "I shall answer all that I may, which should cover neigh any question you might think to ask; however, I'm sure you already are aware that I will not reveal my prophetic source or anything regarding the heavily overdramatized 'secret'. The latter is something your brother wishes to reveal to you tomorrow, so you can discuss the secret and its ramifications with the Council the moment you learn about it. That said, those two topics are the only ones which are, a priori, off-limits."

I nodded, then took a deep breath and closed my eyes, preparing myself for the discussion. Luna waited patiently while I collected my thoughts and mentally ordered my questions from most to least important. After about a minute, I opened my eyes and spoke.

"Let's start with the biggest mystery, Princess Luna. I still don't understand why you vamponies are going along with these sudden and drastic changes," I said. "None of the explanations I've been given make any sense. Sex isn't enough to do this to you. Even brain damage shouldn't have this kind of effect. Ponies' opinions and beliefs are being reoriented toward extremely taboo positions overnight, many of which I'd be horrified by regardless as to the circumstance that created them. I cannot believe mind control is not involved." (Again, I was using open assumption to bait for more information than she might be willing to divulge at once. I'll stop pointing that technique out now; the unfortunate reader can look for it themself.)

"There is no direct form of mind control," said Luna. "It is true that the breaking tends to drastically change one's perspective on a small, circumscribed area of concepts. This is why we do it. It makes it far easier to convert an adult pony, as you have seen with the Mayor. It has virtually no effect on foals, however."

"Having no effect doesn't matter. It does something when they grow up, doesn't it? It prevents that part of the brain from developing," I said. "How is that any better than what you do to adults?"

"In essence, yes," said Luna. "However, sexual activity has much the same effect."

"That would mean that being broken is basically the same thing as being sexually abused, which is horrible. Don't you realize what you're doing to them?" I asked. My voice carried much more energy than I'd intended.

"Shhh," said Luna, raising a hoof. "Twilight, let us continue to keep to our 'inside voices'."

"Ugh. Sorry." I took a few deep breaths and tried to center myself. It wasn't easy. My emotions are kind of a train wreck lately, but can you blame me?

Er, that was a rhetorical question. Don't try to answer it. Please.

"I, my Night Guard, and the crystal ponies all come from a different culture than modern Equestria. Our cultures are essentially the same, as the divergence happened around the same time period," said Luna. "Our law was a horse of a different color back then. Of course we had measures in place to handle foals and adults alike who were subjects of abuse, but not all actions considered abuse today were considered abuse back then. I know from experience that people—or equines, at any rate—are far more resilient than you believe them to be."

"The scientific evidence is clear, Luna," I said.

Luna nodded. "I mean any sexual activity, even experimentation between foals for which there is little evidence of negative outcomes; but this is largely irrelevant to your concerns. Yes, sex can be abusive, but the evidence is solely from the 'soft' sciences, where work cannot be fully separated from opinion," she said. "Twilight, times change. So do entire societies. Perhaps not genetically, at least not very quickly; but socially, changes can be rapid and induce what I believe is now referred to as 'culture shock'. When you've lived for centuries, eventually you become familiar with this observation," she said. "Has my sister ever spoken to you about the nature of leadership and law?"

I shook my head. "She rarely discussed law, so I never brought it up. I'd always assumed what should be legal and illegal were obvious, but I admit that may have been a misguided assumption," I said. "Not the topic of abuse, however—this one still falls into the 'obvious' category."

Luna sighed. "Celestia has lived much longer than I, due primarily to my imprisonment in the Moon. Since my return, we have discussed the changes to society at length. In my absence, she largely allowed the citizens to guide these changes on their own," said Luna. "When I was banished, same-sex relations were still highly taboo and frowned upon, despite the fact that royalty engaged in them very frequently. Pleasantly, that is no longer the case."

"Over time, ponies learn. Society improves," I said.

"In certain ways, yes. But society changes much more readily than it improves. Every change brings both weal and woe. Some benefits are exchanged for other benefits, and some debits for other debits," said Luna. "As I just mentioned, Princess Celestia spent much of the past millennium allowing our citizens to decide the direction of law by themselves, with minimal guidance. In many cases, it was quite the challenge for her to withhold her voice. For but one salient example, there was a period during the third century when most forms of what we currently consider rape were essentially legal."

"That's... that's simply insane," I said. (I'm certain the astonishment was written all over my face.) "How could ponies possibly do something like that without a malicious influence from outside?"

"It does seem impossible, does it not?" said Luna. "Yet, there were still reasons and calculated benefits, and for a short time, ponies believed those reasons to be sound and those benefits to be worth the peril attached to them."

"No. This is nuts. How did they justify all of this?" I asked, deeply incredulous.

Luna cleared her throat. "As I understand it, and note that this statement is second-hoof through my sister: this was during a time when stallions were not yet treated in a similar way to mares in terms of equality under the law. A stallion could flirt with a female, promise sex, engage in sexual play, and then not deliver upon said promise," she said. "This was a problem in part because it led to acts of revenge by jilted lovers. The asymmetry between genders was just as skewed back then as it is now, you see, and it was very difficult for a mare to get a stallion—perhaps even more so than it is today. The primary means to gain a husband was to become pregnant, as the law back then required and enforced marriage. Additionally, the taboo against the 'gays' was much stronger for stallions than mares, for obvious reasons."

"Wait a minute. You're saying mares used to rape stallions?" I said, then realised I had been raising my voice again. "Erk. Sorry."

"They still do, Twilight. It is rarely as violent, but it is reasonably common. This is a foreign concept to you primarily because you are, to be blunt, unlike most mares. By which I mean you have had different life experiences, but also that you do not have similar goals for marriage and family," explained Luna. "A stallion is capable of ejaculating without his consent, because the sex drive of almost any stallion is too powerful to suppress once the precursors to carnal knowing have been initiated. Indeed, there was a period when many forms of rape, including a few which I would most certainly concur are harmful, were perfectly legal. I take my sister at her word, and I have read some of the censored works which she maintains in a private library."

In a normal circumstance, I would begin salivating at the idea of Celestia maintaining a private library. In full disclosure, I'm doing it now. But the idea of Princess Celestia allowing rape was too offensive for me to pay attention to anything else.

I shook my head repeatedly. "Neigh! Celestia would never allow that to happen," I said, with a particularly nasty scowl on my face. "She must be lying. Or, more likely, you're lying."

"I am not. With all due respect, Twilight Sparkle, I believe I know my sister better than you," said Luna. "It was not easy for her, but she allowed her little ponies to make all kinds of mistakes, even a few grave ones. This helped society to grow without our ancient biases perturbing it. Ponies die for a reason. It is very dangerous to the social order for those of us in power to live such long lives. It can stifle social progress to a degree that is highly burdensome on our citizenry."

That's about when it caught up with me that Princess Luna had just indicated the existence of Princess Celestia's secret library.

"Whoa. Back up a little, please. Did I just hear the words 'Princess Celestia's private library'?" I whispered.

Luna smiled. "Yes, you did. Alas, I cannot show you at present. Later on, once you are well again, we will share the experience together," said Luna. "As friends. And as lovers, naturally."

The worst part? I'm pretty sure I actually do want to be her lover. I think perhaps I've always had inclinations toward her. Luna and I have a lot in common, as social outsiders struggling to understand this new (to us) world of friendship. But when she mentioned my wellness, I felt a tangible pain in my gut. I know she wasn't trying to hurt me, but it stung because her words were true. I'm not well, Journal. I'm almost as unwell as my brother, at this point. I'm not sure what to do, other than try hard as Tartarus not to think about how ruined I am now as a pony.

Luna continued, "It is quite unfortunate that the information of which I speak has been purged from public history books, as it would be most useful to see how the experiment failed. I strongly disagree with what Sister has done with regard to censoring information. I remain surprised she went as far as she did with her plans."

"P-plans?" I asked, still reeling from the 'lovers' comment.

"I shall cover that in the lesson. Bizarre beliefs aside, my point is that Celestia has learned to lead by allowing the citizenry to guide their own development, even in situations where it may be antithetical to her personal beliefs. It is a wise decision, because we are very different from other ponies and cannot generally see Equestria accurately through their eyes," she said. "I, too, have experience with this approach to leadership. It is something we agreed upon prior to my banishment... but, perhaps not to the degree with which my sister has taken the idea."

I rolled my eyes and exhaled in contempt. "There's a right and a wrong, Luna. Everything isn't arbitrary. Yes, some things are a little arbitrary, and it makes sense that different races and groups of people use different social strategies that work specifically for them," said Twilight. "But family, self-determination, and security are never negotiable. Even if ponies used to believe very different things, and those beliefs were considered acceptable at the time, they were still wrong. You can't look at history through a rose-colored lens and excuse horrifying behavior because the people back then didn't know any better. You have to identify past mistakes for what they are in order to prevent history from repeating itself and leading to more suffering."

Luna chuckled, which I found very off-putting. "Twilight, I do agree with you in spirit, and with most of what you are saying. However, your unwavering confidence in your beliefs about your perception of society is, to be rather direct, steeped in hubris. Your views are naturally tainted by the fact that you grew up within the culture whose values you are presently defending. Had you grown up in a different culture, you would be defending different values, because logic is not quite so concrete when it comes to societal decisions," she argued. "This is an unavoidable logical disability for a pony of your young age. You have not yet lived long enough to experience drastic changes in the social order, like the influence of the Order of Spring which remains in its incipient stages. Contrariwise, my sister and I have lived through this kind of upheaval. This isn't your fault, Twilight. Back in our double-digit years, we were precisely the same as you are now in your failing to distinguish accurately between logic and culture. But as the centuries passed us by, we learned not to rely on our own cultural prejudices. So too shall you one day, once your mantle has been earned."

I paused in thought. Some of what she said was very wise, but overall it still rang false to my perked-up ears. "I need to derail this line of inquiry for a second," I said. "Look... Luna, I'm having the same problem with you that I have with Cadance, with Rarity, and with every other crazy mindfucked mare in your vamponies-only club. You've already had your brain magically screwed up and damaged, so I can't expect what you're saying to be rational. I don't even know if you are Luna, if you follow me."

"Ah. Well, Twilight, I have not been broken," said Luna, with a gentle grin. "I can prove this, if necessary."

My mouth hung open for a pregnant pause, then I said, "What."

"As I just informed you: I have not been broken. Neither have I tasted the wolf, for that matter," she replied. "I have been reaped, but I already knew myself for a Lady."

"But... you could smell me! I mean, um, my... you know," I said, trying to avoid the blush.

"Ah. I do not need vampony senses to detect your arousal, Twilight," said Luna, grinning all the while.

"So that's it. You're raping the minds of other mares and sparing yourself, is it?" I said. I think my jaw was trembling.

"Neigh. I fully intend to be broken, but I want my sister to be there with me when it happens, and the others trust that I am on their side despite not having been turned," she said.

I shook my head to clear out the cobwebs. "This makes no sense at all! Then why the hell are you—"

"Shhh," said Luna, reaching out to poke my muzzle with an unshod hoof.

As much as I think it may be justified, I realized then that I shouldn't be allowing my emotions get the better of me like this. I decided to make a stronger effort to cool myself down, and I'm still aspiring to this. I must reason using true, non-emotional, non-vampony logic, whether or not it seems to be working for my arguments. Emotions short-circuit my ability to make rational decisions, even the good ones like guilt and fear. Er, I mean the important ones, rather.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes momentarily. "I'm sorry. I was trying to ask something very important. My ability to understand this insanity hinges on a question I still don't know the answer to. Why are you following the Order? Have you been taken by the Nightmare again, or some other force?" (It seemed clear she hadn't, but I didn't have any reasonable theories to rest my sparkled rump on.)

Princess Luna shook her head. "No. In fact, I am the one who has done most of the work in bringing the Order to fruition."

"Why?" I asked. "Why?" (Repeating myself seems silly in retrospect; but seriously, WHY!?)

"We have discussed this in part already, Twilight," said Luna. "There are several reasons. I believe some of Celestia's changes to our society, in my absence, have proven to be terrible mistakes. The vampony mutation is a straightforward and powerful way to restore our society, and at the same time it shall bring Celestia and myself closer together as sisters. This is my view even though, ironically enough, I was the one on her side of the argument—and vice versa—more than a millennium ago. I will go into more detail on this during your lesson. The Order of Spring is a good thing, Twilight. You will see this yourself, when you finally succumb to your emotional needs and accept us; and more importantly, accept yourself. Vamponies feel the love all around them, not in the same manner as changelings of course, but to similar effect. They can make love swell to impossible heights."

"I still can't believe you're not broken or turned. Your sexual inclinations! I've seen what you and Shadowbane and others do in here," I said. (In the back of my mind, I wondered if I'd just made a terrible mistake.)

"Those inclinations are reasonably common, but even if they were not, I have access to unique data in the form of memories which you lack. I remember things being much more generous and fair than they seem to be today, when magic was used to supplement pleasure rather than prevent it," said Luna. "Even though the crystal ponies were enslaved by a madstallion, it lasted for perhaps a single generation before the timeport, so most crystal ponies remember the good times they had under the older law, too. Having finally shed some of their misery, they've been petitioning your brother and sister over the past few months to make changes. Shining Armor and Cadance have slowly become convinced that the crystal ponies are correct. They were ready to throw into these beliefs before they even knew there was a revolution brewing."

"Hold on a minute. Have you been suggesting that if I were born a thousand years ago, I'd immediately have signed up to follow the Order? And even if that is what you're trying to say, which is completely ridiculous I might add, it still doesn't explain why Fluttershy and Rarity changed so quickly, with virtually no resistance," I said, carefully keeping my voice down this time.

"Love is a mysterious force, Twilight. It is the heart and soul of friendship, and I think you already sense this is true," said Luna.

"We're not talking about love. We're talking about sex," I pointed out. "Love has nothing to do with this."

"Love has everything to do with this. You may not like this truth, Twilight, but sex and love are intimately tied together. The sex vamponies engage in occurs between anypony at all, because their ability to love and forgive one another is much stronger," said Luna. "Sex is a powerful kind of magic, one that can change opinions in a heartbeat. It is a thing which turns what is disgusting into what is beautiful beyond words. It enables you to feel whether things are right or wrong, on a primal level. Obviously, this is not foalproof, just as trusting one's emotions is not foalproof. Yet, the sexual drive of vamponies allows them to know others in a way which you, or I for that matter, cannot possibly imagine. The sensations they feel scream 'compromise', 'forgiveness', and 'unity', or so I am told. Can you imagine feeling forgiveness? Not feeling forgiveness toward somepony, but physically feeling the concept of forgiveness? I most assuredly cannot. These are things impossible to comprehend from the outside."

I closed my eyes. "All of the things my friends have been doing—and especially my parents—are completely out of character for them. I'm sure the feelings from sex can cloud your mind, but can't believe sex is so powerful it can actually change how people think and act," I said. I was starting to feel exhausted, and ready for the argument to be over.

Princess Luna gently lifted my chin with a hoof, and I opened her eyes to meet her gaze. "It can and does, my child. Even without vamponies, sex changes everything about who you are. All ponies must eventually learn to accept their sexual feelings, or they will go mad," she said. "However, I sense you tire of this line of discussion. Is it acceptable if I begin my tale now?"

I nodded. "Yeah, let's get on with this."

"Very well. Now I shall narrate the tale to my best of—" said Luna, stopping short as her eyes widened. "Forgive me Twilight, but there is an issue we must discuss first."

"Um, yes?"

"It is not possible to scry into my bedchambers. How do you know of my sexual activities with Shadowbane?" she asked.

"I, I was just guessing," I lied.

"You are a terrible liar, and your response to me is a fib. You have seen inside my room, and I would like to know how. Through my memories, I would presume?" she said.

Again I attempted to spot the holes in the wall with my eye, but they were perfectly disguised on this side so I wasn't sure where they were. It must be a one-way filter that matches the etching on the wooden panelling on that wall. I couldn't give away the information about the secret tunnel because it would make it easier for the bastards to locate Rainbow Dash. Moreover, I'd lose an important escape route.

I sighed. "Look, you want to know how I did it, right? Well, I want to know who your source is. We all want something," I said, with a shrug. Yeah, there's no way this was going to work.

A sly smile crept across Luna's muzzle. "At least give me a small idea, Twilight. Can you tell me anything at all? Either way, I definitely will enjoy my activities here more now that I'm aware you have the power to observe me in the throes of passion. I hope you see everything, and I do mean that in a sense most literal."

I blushed so hard I could see the reddening in my peripheral vision. I did owe her something, because the spying I did was wrong, and it was wrong for Celestia to do this to her in the first place—something I still don't understand because I neglected to ask her during our meeting in the dream world. "Well... your sister has had a way to spy on you ever since your return," I told her. Then an alarm bell went off in my head.

Wait! What am I doing?!

I didn't understand then, but I do now. I feel guilty, Journal, but this time I feel guilty for Princess Celestia's actions. I have no right to feel this way, yet I do. Maybe she was trying to protect against a reappearance of Nightmare Moon, but this wasn't the right way to go about it. Luna deserved to know at least that much of the truth.

Her face immediately fell, which made me feel more guilty. She remained quiet, with eyes downcast. "It must be hard to tell me this, I am certain," said Luna. "I always suspected Sister was hiding things from me. Some of it, I deserve. Until I realized it was time to push for a cultural revolution, I had been tormenting myself nightly with a creature borne from Nightmare, in order that never would I forget the terrible things I'd tried to do."

"That... wow. You told me about this before, but you never said it was related to Nightmare. That's kinda nuts," I said. "Sorry. But seriously, it is."

Luna nodded. "Yes, this I know, now. It has been difficult to forgive myself, but I have destroyed the beast I created within me, and I can actually feel pony again," she said. "Since the conflict began, I've also suspected my sister has found a way to manipulate a tiny portion of the dream realm so that I cannot find her there. I previously thought she held no power in the world of dreams, but a millennium is a long time for her to prepare for my return. Did I tell you that she removed my memories of the secret as well? We were able to restore them, given that my Night Guard realized what was missing. In truth, much of your lesson shall consist of unrelated material I had also been forced to forget upon my return."

"I... I actually know what she did to you. She told me—but not until after the vampony thing," I said. "She said it pained her terribly to do it, so I'm sure she was only looking out for your safety."

"I am certain that is the case, as well. Sister is simply doing what she thinks is right, as am I," said Luna.

"Um, actually... could I ask you another quick question?"

Princess Luna gently nodded, the starry field within her mantle rippling smoothly behind her.

"It's about the 'lovers' thing you said earlier," I said very quietly, as though somepony might hear us. "You aren't broken, but you seem to expect you'll, um, l-love me once you are?" I'm sure I was blushing like fire.

"Yes... but also, not quite. I already love you, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Meaning I, Princess Luna, love you, Twilight," she said, motioning back and forth with her hoof as though explaining it to a foal Pip's age. "I have had an insatiable crush on you ever since that first Nightmare Night after I regained my mantle, and as our friendship has grown it has deepened. I know we do not know one another well yet, so I did not tell you for fear of ruining our friendship. Given that these secrets will soon be known and our love be shared, it is natural for me to say it now. If a bit embarrassing," she added, with a blush of her own peeking out from beneath those pretty dark cheeks of hers.

Er, I mean 'pretty dark', not 'pretty cheeks'. I think.

I furrowed my brow. "I don't understand this. Why would you have a crush on me? It makes no sense." I did feel much the same about her as she felt about me, but not until I'd been corrupted. Even then, she's a beautiful alicorn princess who has no equal. Much like her sister, but... easier to fantasize about.

I would guess easier, I mean. I haven't tried. Honestly.

Luna seemed very surprised. "Why would I? Why would not I? You are a dear friend, we share common interests, you're beautiful and headstrong and amusing to be around..."

I sighed. "Cut the 'beautiful' lies. Princess Cadance already tried that on me."

Luna gasped. "My odds and bodkins. Cadance told me about this, but I suppose I did not fully believe her. My dear, sweet Twilight. You have no idea how others perceive you, do you? That is... it is so very sad, yet still noble, in some sense."

I tried not to listen, because tears were beginning to form. Luna could tell. We sat in silence for about half a minute, and then I realized there was something important I needed to ask her.

"Luna... are you starting a revolution and turning everypony into monsters just because you want to be intimate with me?" I whispered. "I can't believe that, but... I need to know."

Luna blushed again and looked nervously away. "To be fair, that is not the only reason, Twilight. I believe I would still be taking this path even did I not know you," she said. "Yet, it would be falsity to suggest that it is not a motivating factor... a significant one, to be fair." Now it seemed like she was going to cry.

I wanted to say something to help. "Okay, I'll just out and say it. I'm starting to think I have a crush on you as well, alright?" I admitted. "If you can stop this revolution, I'll still want to spent time with you. Including intimate time."

Luna smiled, but there was sadness marked by the rest of her face. "It is too late to stop now, and that is a good thing. You will love your release. Once you accept yourself for who you are, it is a very different world in which to live," she said. "It is wonderful, of this I have no doubt."

I couldn't argue with that, because it made perfect sense. But it still didn't mean any of this crap was 'right'. I took a deep sigh. "Okay. You can start the lesson now, if you want." Then I reached out and hugged her from a seated position, and she held me tightly in her legs. We kept up our embrace for at least a minute. I think we both shed a tear or two.

Finally, we broke apart. Luna smiled and rubbed her eyes. "Now, as I begin to recover from your most welcome physical contact I so desperately needed, and for which I deeply thank you, here is my tale. I shall do it in a narrative form, as this approach should make for a better read in your remarkable journal."

I simply nodded, and she began to tell her story.

Day 58 (Luna's Tale) (Part 1 of 2)

The tale begins several decades following our defeat of the demon serpent known to you as Discord.

One beautiful Summer night, I witnessed the brightest shooting star I had ever seen. It collided with the ground with such force that the Everfree quaked as though in great fear, and a bright discharge of light briefly lit the horizon as though my Sister had just raised the Sun.

The remnants of the star—what one would now refer to as a meteorite—were hastily fetched from the countryside by a contingent of armed guards and alchemists. I prepared my laboratory to receive the artifact. Star Swirl the Bearded was notified, and two of my best research assistants were summoned.

The following day, we had a minor accident.

I stood at the open door of a guest room in the Castle of the Two Sisters, watching a doctor garbed in full antimagic suit tending to a mildly-distressed pegasus at rest in the bed. Due to the capital city of Everfree being located in the middle of an dangerous enchanted forest, quarantine procedures were already well-established at this time. Thus, the doorway to the guest room was blocked by a translucent magical field (my own, as memory serves) which also covered the room's walls, floor, and ceiling.

I heard the unmistakeable hoofsteps of my sister approaching and waited until she stood by my side before speaking.

"We should demure othat the earmfull thearfa beest hale—" ...neigh, one moment.

My apologies, Twilight; I can see by your reaction that your Middle Equestrian is likely rusty, which stands to reason. I was not thinking. Allow me to continue, and I will provide a modern translation.

"I feel I should wait until the victim's health has improved before resuming study on the fallen star," I said to Princess Celestia, as both of us stood watching from the hallway.

"Perhaps that would be prudent," said Celestia. "I have already been informed of his unusual symptoms and the general nature of the incident, but I would prefer to get the details from my sister's mouth. How did this happen, exactly?"

"The stallion you see before you is one of my students: a pegasus student of alchemy, talented in the magic of storms. He was assisting me with the initial inspection of the star when the accident happened. The star has an unusual teardrop shape to it, so we decided to fracture the crust at the inflection point, by which I mean where the spheroid meets the conic segment. You must see the artifact yourself, Sister. It is truly remarkable," I explained, the wonderment not hidden from my voice. "The accident occurred as he guided a ribbon of prime magnus (this means magnesium, Twilight) to burn through the crust of the stellar remnant. The reaction fractured the surface more rapidly than expected, and a glistening black crystal shard from the interior of the star burst out and lanced his leg before I had the time to react and catch it with magic."

My sister gently nodded her head, and stared into space. "This... it is simply extraordinary, Luna. Never before has a stellar remnant of this mass been recovered from Equestrian soil, not to mention a malady sourced from the Deep Sky itself. I have been briefed on your discovery, but I can scarcely believe it. Luna, have you confirmed that actual invisibles (this is how we once referred to agents of infection) are at work here...?"

I nodded in return. "Yes, that which ails him is no mere toxin. There appears to be a form of invisible parasitic life from within the star capable of interacting with pony biology. And, what is more: it is a magical parasite."

"My Heavens, life from within a star! Luna, are you certain we should wait to perform further research? Valuable information may be lost if we allow the sample to grow cold," said Celestia. My sister's enthusiasm would have been contagious, had I not already shared in it. Still, I did my best to maintain a reserved posture.

"Fear not. Star Swirl has placed the broken star under a temporal barrier so that time moves at a crawl for it, but this seems to be an unnecessary precaution we may soon terminate because the invisibles within the star appear to thrive for as long as they remain within its bulk," I said. "Magical scans indicate the invisible forces become inert once they are neither in contact with the bulk of the star's crystalline interior, nor the interior of a pony. It should not be possible to spread them without blood or sexual contact, unless the infection is capable of taking root in plants and beasts. These facts combined suggest that time is on our side."

The pegasus stallion in the bed shifted uncomfortably where he lay, nervously eyeing us as we stood watching. The doctor picked up her bag and walked toward the exit.

"Well, even if more ponies were to become infected from a common plant or animal, there should be no risk of plague since the symptoms appear within an hour," said Celestia. "We must only take care to contain this initial infection."

The doctor exited the field and removed her hood. "A thousand pardons, Princesses," she said. "I hate to interrupt, but the patient is... suffering, so to speak. Might I be permitted to close the door for his privacy, so that he can, um..."

"Fuck himself?" quipped Celestia, with a gentle but mischievous smile. This was well within earshot of the patient, as the magical field did little to muffle sound waves. He blushed, and his bedsheets tented so suddenly that it nearly exposed him. The doctor was surprised by my sister's profanity; I, much less so. Neither of us were embarrassed, however. I quickly shut the door with an shove of magic for the patient's sake.

"Sister, be polite," I chastised. "You need not say such things."

"Ah, but I wish to! It will help ensure his emission be concomitant with thoughts of my backside," she responded, wearing a grin. "Either way, it should do us all some good to lighten up about the situation. Laughter may not truly be the best medicine, but being horny is perfectly normal—even for pegasi. His continued shyness impairs our treatment, as you have just illustrated by hiding the patient from view when this is entirely unnecessary."

"A small number of ponies are bashful about sexual openness," I said, narrowing my eyes. "This is hardly the time to treat him for excessive shyness regarding public masturbation, although I agree therapy should commence at some point in the future. For now, he is a fine student, and has become a victim in service to the Crowns. He deserves the discretion his moral failings require."

"You both have valid points, your Highnesses," said the doctor, her savvy tongue making obvious her long experience in royal service. "However, it is useful that the door is closed, as I have a finding to report which I would rather the patient not hear. There is something happening within his body besides the unusual depth of carnal desire from which he suffers. His tongue, gums, and wings are all radiating excessive quantities of heat, and this appears to be increasing steadily over time."

"Might those not be considered erogenous zones?" I speculated. "That could explain the symptom, at least in small part."

"Neigh, your Highness. From a psychological standpoint, one might consider the tongue and gums to be erogenous, but not relative to the action of the nerves which line them. His entire wing is affected, as well. It is not limited to the erotic bastard wing," she explained.

"I hereby withdraw my good humor," said Celestia, as a look of concern crossed her delicate features. "It is most unfortunate to hear that the infection worsens. Perhaps I spoke too optimistically."

"On the contrary, the infection has all but vanished," said the doctor. "The invisibles are nearly absent from my scans of this hour. His body itself is changing, just not in a way that is yet visually obvious."

"A mutation caused by invisible forces? Fascinating," I said. "But, not a cancer?"

"No signs of that, fortunately; but on the other hoof, at least then we would know what we were dealing with," she responded. "I have no idea what is happening, but it is very possible that potential physical changes to the body are being prepared, in some sense. I consider it likely there will follow a rapid onset of more significant symptoms at some undetermined point in the future. For now, we must continue to observe. I shall order nurses stationed outside the room, and the door shall be opened and remain such once he completes masturbating."

A loud whinnying sound echoed through the door, followed by gasps, then silence.

"I would have this door removed entirely," said Princess Celestia, "as well as the bathroom door within the room. If the appearance of new symptoms is indeed rapid, we cannot allow his foallike embarrassment to jeopardize our observation of the course of a strange new disease." Celestia opened the guest room door just as the pegasus stallion entered the bathroom and closed its door.

"I must agree. I would handle the details," I said.

"Ah, and there is more. Something stranger still," said the doctor, her voice dropping to a whisper. Our eyes fixed upon her. "I tried to let some of his blood for study, and before any could drop, he pulled his leg from the bowl and sucked on the incision."

"He... he what, now? You are telling us that the patient drank his own blood?" I asked.

"Indeed, and it seemed to sate his thirst. His blood tested weak for factors of power. On a hunch, I let some of my own blood and allowed him to drink it—though I did not allow him to drink my humor directly from the wound, naturally. A while later, I let his blood a second time. This time, the strength of his blood had been renewed," said the doctor.

"Ah, excellent! He is a vampony," said Celestia, rolling her eyes. "This solves all of our troubles. To cure him, we need naught but a wooden stake and a few cloves of fresh garlic."

"All legends have a kernel of truth," I said, and both the doctor and my sister (despite the whiteness of her coat) grew pale in the cheek. An awkward silence persisted for a moment.

"Luna, that is remarkably dumb," said Celestia. "This is a disease, not a supernatural farce." I barely withheld my anger, but it likely showed on my face. The doctor held her breath, looked at the floor, and said nothing.

"Do you need to be relieved of your post?" I asked the doctor. "We should get a formal report on these matters as soon as ponily possible, and I would like the nurses you mentioned to be stationed here immediately."

"Two nurses are already due to arrive within the hour. I shall go to prepare my full report once they do," she replied.

"Thank you, doctor. Luna, would you walk with me, please?" said Celestia, and I nodded.

We had walked but a few meters away before I hissed, "Celie! Do not call me stupid in front of other ponies!" at my sister.

"I apologize most deeply, Luna," said Celestia, and her face showed genuine remorse. "I reacted out of shock and fear. I do not like thinking about the possibility that this could be a situation beyond our ability to reckon. The foul serpent claimed he would plant the seeds of disHarmony should we ever defeat him. Perhaps this is his revenge."

I shook my head. "Discord is no longer able to torment us, Sister. He makes for a splendid statue in the Main Hall, though perhaps we should move him somewhere we need not stare upon his hideous face daily," I said. "As for the victim, I am loathe to risk the lives of additional research staff when I can work on this alone."

"You and I should work together," said Celestia as we continued to walk, and her sour expression began to shift back into a smile. "This is something truly amazing, Luna. An invisible, star-born parasite! Who knows what we might discover? Besides, we could potentially find a clue to aid in his recovery. That cannot be delayed."

I sighed. "Well... your point is wise. I suppose you and I would be safe with minimal precautions. It is not like we need split the thing open a second time, and even if we did, we could do so with a barrier in place."

"Exactly. You and I are no foals, especially having been forewarned of the danger," she added.

The conversation would have continued, but suddenly there came a loud moaning and a high-pitched screech, followed by a shriek and a cry for help from the doctor.

We turned tail and galloped at full pace toward our former position. Within seconds we saw it: the first known nightborn in the history of Equestria. It—he, rather—looked much like a nightwing as you know them, but his eyes were red and wild, his tongue long and whiplike as it wrapped itself several times around the doctor's face, and his penis erect and bobbing in midair as it dribbled precum all across the doctor's thrashing hooves where she lay sprawled out across the floor beneath the wind from his flapping, fleshy wings. (It was not until much later I realized how strange the continued existence of the beast's arousal was, given that the stallion had released his emission mere minutes to the previous.)

Princess Celestia quickly restrained the beast with her magic. I, however, stood paralyzed with what could only be described as lust. This was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, Twilight Sparkle, in spite of the horror—neigh, mayhaps even due to the horror.

The next few minutes were a blur, at least to my mind. My sister made certain the doctor would be placed under observation even though the risk of contamination had been minor, as her earlier wound had been safely bandaged and did not come into contact with the tongue or other fluids, nor did the tongue enter her body. All the loose fluids were carefully contained and burned, despite the fact that they did not scan positive for the invisible factor.

Once I had recovered from my initial shock, Celestia and I decided to place the stallion into magical stasis for his protection. I ordered a bevy of doctors to attend to him, and they began to test experimental treatments.

Celestia and I did not discuss the events until several hours later, while the two of us prepared my laboratory for continued research on the invisibles.

The meteorite was shaped just like a teardrop, with the 'stem' twisted about laterally, rather like a wet towel. When viewed with one eye from the tip down, the cone looked like a perfect disc-shaped spiral (before we fractured it, at least). The far hemisphere of the drop had no striations of any sort apart from its generally mottled, pockmarked surface. From the sightings of the fireball, its landing, and the strength of the impact, there was no doubt as to its Heavenly origin; yet it seemed too perfectly-shaped to be anything but artificial.

In the laboratory, my sister and I spent several minutes planning for an approach to analyze the invisibles within the object's crystalline interior. "I believe we should first attempt to see if the connection between the shard which struck the victim and the crystalline structure has been severed—" I said, not noticing the look of concern on my sister's face until she moved my jaw toward her gaze with a gentle hoof.

"Luna. It is just us, now. You can talk to me about what you are feeling," she said, sitting back onto an uncomfortable stool.

"I do not know what you are talking about," I lied, lowering my eyes to avoid her gaze.

Princess Celestia sighed. "I can see it in your eyes, even now. You loved that creature. This was more than compassion for your servant and friend," she said. "I cannot blame you, Lulu. I was nearly stunned by the view, myself. In a way, it was... beautiful."

I gritted my teeth and stared back up into my sister's eyes, my own blazing with fire. "No, Celie. It was not beautiful in a way, but in EVERY way!" I loudly bleated, my voice aquiver with dissonant energy. "He was glorious. There are no words to describe that mesmerizing, bewitching marriage of Pony and Evening! That stallion is a nocturne within my soul, a beast of fancy with singular claim upon the spirit for which my lungs draw breath!"

Celestia's eyes widened in fear as she placed her shoe upon my lips. "Whoa! Dear Sister, I... I did not quite realize the depth of this when I began my line of inquiry," she said, leaning back in her seat. "Luna... are you thinking of leaving the poor stallion in that state?"

"What?" I said, and paused for a moment (admittedly, in thought). "No, of course not! But... I cannot miss this opportunity, Celie. I must discover a way to unlock the form of the beast without its ghastly vampirism..."

"And without the thoughtless abandon, replaced by beastly lust," said Celestia.

It took another moment for me to reply. "Perhaps a bit of that could yet remain."

Sister covered her mouth with a hoof, and the surprise on her face slowly drifted toward amusement. "Oh... my... goodness. Could this be more than a trivial longing for the aesthetic touch of smooth, leathery wings and fluffy ears? Does my own sister have... a crush?"

"Do not trifle with my emotions, Celie!" I said, barely holding back my rage.

"Ah! But you do!" she said, and I could not tell if the tone in her voice was accusing or celebrating.

I lowered my head. "Fie! So let it be, then. I, Luna, Princess of the Night, wish to mate with a monstrosity of nature from the Stars above," I admitted, then turned my head upwards. I may have been crying at that point, but I cannot recall for certain. "Are you pleased now, Sister? Is my wretched debasement—"

Before I could complete my entreaty, my sweet sister swept me up tightly in her legs and squeezed me with a warmth most welcome to my bosom.

"Oh Luna, I am sorry. I did not mean to poke fun. I am just..." she said to me, and then she stepped back and I could see she was smiling with watery eyes. And what was that unusual emotion laid bare upon her muzzle?

"You... my sister is proud of my unmitigated perversion?" I said, the swelling perplexity within me mercifully blotting out my self-revulsion.

"It is not perversion, sister! You have not loved in decades," said Celestia. "Can you not see? This is the doing of Harmony. This, this thing, it comes from the Heavens above and into your life!"

"N-no, it cannot be," I said, shaking my head. I was afraid to believe it might actually be true, lest my foalish hopes be dashed against the rocks. "The Tree's roots stretch far, but surely not into the Deep Sky!"

"The Tree has done stranger things than this, Lulu. I am certain this is a sign." My sister watched me as I stared off into space, thinking. Nearly a minute passed in silence between us.

"I could try to modify the invisibles," I finally said. "Use them as a catalyst to bring the physical characteristics to bear and make them permanent, while preventing the mental changes..."

"Now that is the passion I have long missed!" said my sister, hugging me about my barrel.

I pushed her off of me. "Sister, no. It would be... perversion to pursue this. Altering the vector might not even cure the disease. I cannot create a new sort of mutation to suit my wicked yearnings," I said. "The Tree would not have me ruin my subjects for a bit of fun."

Princess Celestia sighed at that. "Luna, you are a regent. There is nothing perverse about such a desire, provided you do not violate the will of others. There are many ponies who would thrill to experience such a change," she said. "You will have no end of volunteers."

"You are a foul temptress, Celie," I said, but her words had hit their mark. "You are right in one respect, however. I feel a fire within my barrel which has been absent for many a decade. Perhaps... perhaps once we have a cure for the ailment, I could begin tests with willing volunteers..."

"We do not need a full cure. Just a treatment," said Princess Celestia. "If we can treat the patient with little inconvenience to his life and livelihood, that should be enough."

Pardon as I pause for a time, Twilight Sparkle. I am... simply remembering how much my sister loved me, and how foalish I was to forget that love when I accepted the Nightmare within me.

...

That is better. Let us continue.

Unconsciousness did little to suppress the change, but we soon learned that pressure applied to the bastard wing would cause the lion's share of the vampiric changes to revert and would allow for the subject to regain most of their senses. If fed tiny amounts of blood at regular intervals, the subject could resist the urge to change, but it took great effort. Fortunately, after several days and some assistance from the neighboring zebra tribe, our doctors discovered the effects of aconitum and the vampony's natural resistance to its toxicity. We finally had a treatment.

I begun at once to work on modification of the infectious agent.

It is surprising, in retrospect, that the invisibles turned out to be bacteria rather than virii. We soon learned that the infectious agent could only survive for more than a few seconds in two locations: on the dark crystals of the interior, and within the blood of a sapient host during the initial stages of infection. Princess Cadance is currently researching how the infection spreads through biting, but even a millennium ago we assumed that a small pocket of the bacteria must remain entirely dormant and magically shielded, somewhere within the venom sacs. Those sacs eject a small quantity of blood and (presumably) some of the dormant bacteria, which then become live. Severe damage to a pony's biology may also cause the infection to re-emerge (in particular, removal of the sacs or fangs, both of which will grow back within a fortnight).

With regard to the crystalline material, removing a shard from the interior of the meteorite kills all the bacteria housed on the crystal within seconds. However, touching a broken crystal to any other part of the interior returns the infection to the crystal. This allowed us to infect other ponies for scientific observation without removing plenty of the crystals. To my best recollection, we removed fewer than a dozen crystal fragments throughout the course of all our experiments.

The preliminary findings were nothing short of amazing. We tested the infection on earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. Each kind of pony had a unique vampony form (a fact of which you are already aware). We did not test on crystal ponies or people from other nations, due to reasons related to political stability. We did not test on nonpony subjects such as donkeys or sheep due to sensitive racial issues which existed at that time. We did test on plants and semi-sapient animals, but there was no effect. Given the close physiological similarity of certain semi-sapient mammals to ponies, this was very surprising.

Even more surprising was what occurred through one forbidden avenue of my research (Twilight, please do not share the details of this in your Journal). In order to modify the bacteria without affecting the entire sample, I needed them to grow in a host without dying out. I began to experiment with corpses...

I've redacted some of the information from this part of the story for reasons of national security that may persist regardless as to which side of the conflict 'wins' in the end.

You can trust that the data is both nonessential to the story, and useless from a utilitarian perspective (it is impossible to replicate the experiment anyway without access to the meteorite; more on that later).

–Princess Twilight Sparkle

...and thus, the first changelings were born...

Day 58 (Luna's Tale) (Part 2 of 2)

... and thus I, Princess Luna, had inadvertently created the changeling race; yet another price of my experiments I hope someday I might find a way to repay to my little ponies.

You must understand something, Twilight. At the time, we did not believe changelings were harmful. They were frightening to behold, yet 'cute', after a fashion. We could tell they nursed from the love of ponies, but there was more than sufficient love in Everfree City for this to go unnoticed. I only created five changelings in total. I did not realize they had gender, nor that it would be possible for them to breed. Sadly, Princess Celestia had to deal with the fallout of that mistake not long after banishing me to my Moon, and has again repeatedly struggled with over the past millennium, as even have you.

I still believe that redemption for changelings is possible. As you are no doubt aware, changelings are not true vamponies, but share many characteristics with them, such as the tongue, the libido (though it manifests in a more violent fashion), and insatiable hunger (but for love instead of blood). I did not find a way to 'purify' them, but I am neigh-certain a way exists. It cannot be done through genetic means, however, because the genetics of (REDACTED) (are) obliterated by the same process. My sister has theorized that some kind of emotional infection could bring about a metamorphosis toward the side of Harmony, but we rarely capture changelings for long and nothing we have tried has brought about this change. It is a pity. If my suspicions are correct, a single converted changeling should be able to infect an entire hive with Harmony.

For this reason, I hold great hope for Crystal Hoof, whom you have met. But that is another conversation.

My experiments with flesh did not yield a means for maintaining the bacteria in a separable state, and I was loathe to split the star in two for I feared all the invisible factor could be destroyed if we tampered too much with its only stable home. I needed to look elsewhere.

The first true hoofstep toward my goal came from a modest abuse of Star Swirl's temporal magic. If time were greatly slowed for a crystal fragment just as it became freed from contact with the interior, the bacteria could remain there for a short time. This was visually obvious, because the crystal fragments would turn from a smoky black to perfectly transparent once the bacteria had died (over the course of a few seconds), yet they now remained black for several hours. This allowed me to cast magical spells on a small sample of the bacteria before they would die, without affecting the integrity of the meteorite and its much larger population of bacteria. Unfortunately, the spells I experimented with were also blocked by the time enchantment, so they would not have a chance to activate until the enchantment broke. Furthermore, they would not work on bacteria that had already infected a living host (the aura of the host would interfere with the magic).

To accomplish my testing goals, I would need to cast my spells on an enchanted crystal fragment. However, to infect a host with the modified invisibles, precision timing was of the essence: the host would need to be infected before the bacteria died, but after the spells had been given a short moment to activate. The critical period after waiting for the spells to activate but before the bacteria were no longer sufficient to sustain the reaction was less than one second.

It took several attempts to achieve the proper result, but once the timing had been perfected, success was immediate. My theory regarding suppression of some of the magical influence of the bacteria had been proven correct. The spells changed what (I now presume) was the operation of the plasmids from something magical to something more mundane, if still complicated. This resulted in a permanently changed pony who had only the night-touched physical form, such as nightwings (instead of the fully vampiric nightborns). These forms rely only on essential life magic, just like other ponies.

When I created my first nightwing servant, the changes to her body took about a day to complete. Her libido did not appear to be affected, but the process of the change itself was erotic enough for both of us that we copulated before the changes had completed, then continued our carnal knowing all throughout the night and into Celestia's dawn (my sister was kind enough to lower the Moon and Stars for me). Soon, my entire royal guard had undergone the transformation, minus a few guards who still expressed reservations about the process. Peer pressure and sexual escapades eventually turned them, too.

I was tempted to become a nightwing myself (though it would truly be whatever a night-touched alicorn/voidmare is), but I was a Royal and the political risk was too great. (I also realized that being an alicorn, I might develop the characteristics of the other two kinds of night-touched, which I did not desire at that time.)

I discovered the cure to the vampony infection by accident. Ironically, this happened in part due to my avidity to create the monsters of my desire.

Do not allow your breast to swell too much from elation, Twilight Sparkle. There is no longer a means by which this method of cure could possibly avail us. I shall explain that soon enough.

I tried infecting the afflicted vamponies a second time, but this time with the modified bacteria. To my surprise, the full transformation nullified the curse! We had found a cure, as long as the vampony was willing to become one of the night-touched. Their race would change forever, but they would no longer suffer from vampirism, lust without abandon, and what we then considered to be mental histrionics.

I should now describe the other races. From your studies of ancient history, you are likely familiar with the existence of the umbrum, who are the night-touched version of unicorns/bloodhorns, but perhaps not the details of their appearance. They retain the red, curved horn, and they have the ability to darken their coats much like a chameleon (to a limited extent). I realize you are not yet aware of the bloodhorn's affinity for shadow from which this talent arises, but your brother shall reveal this to you soon enough.

The earth pony breed we called an ambler. They were strange-looking creatures: slender (unlike a normal earth pony), but with multiple joints in each leg and a slightly wider jaw. It was disturbing to watch them walk, and unlike the nightwings and umbrum they were not well-received by other ponies. There were only three of these created, and all three were female. Two came from the only two darkhoof ponies we created, while the third was directly converted (she was the first, then we 'cured' the other two). The three mares disappeared from Everfree City on the same day, not long after the incident with Jade Spirit which I am soon to recount. There has not been a single recorded ambler sighting since, unless you count some fanciful but unlikely tales from the Everfree Forest which surfaced a few decades ago.

Sadly, we may never know the night-touched form of a crystal/fractal pony, since the cure is now entirely beyond our reach. Not to mention dragon/horagon, zebra/wildmane, and whatever other new races we learn to infect. Hopefully, Princess Cadance and I (with your assistance, of course) will one day uncover a way to activate the night-touched forms again. It will be useful because the other races provide a unique diversity to our people. Most ponies cannot hold the wolf properly, and doing so takes effort, so those forms can only be readily appreciated by having ponies who are night-touched, whether or not they are also vamponies.

The amblers vanished, as I mentioned. Most umbrum migrated to the Crystal Kingdom during the incident with Jade. Those umbrum who escaped during the Crystal Empire War chose to live on the outskirts of our demesne, and all umbrum within Equestria joined them once the war had ended. The nightwings who were not members of my Night Guard went into hiding after my banishment. Because of this, only nightwings and changelings are common today—though there are reportedly umbrum in small numbers on the outskirts of Equestria. We know that nightwings and umbrum breed true, as is the case with any pony breed. It would make sense for this to be the case in all night-touched races, but there is no further data to support or refute the theory.

At the time of my initial experiments, being afflicted was naturally considered a burden. Once a cure (of a sort) had been found, when faced with the choice of either being forced to take tea three times per week under closely monitored parole for the rest of one's life, versus becoming something monstrous in appearance but stable and mentally fit, the latter seemed like the better of the two options to everypony.

Well, nearly everypony. There was but a single exception.

One evening, I awoke to find my sister sitting at my bedside. From the invasion of my privacy and the dour look on her normally placid muzzle, bad news was clearly heralded.

"We have a diplomatic... situation," my sister said, "and her name is Jade Spirit."

"Jade... Ah, yes. The foreign pegasus who volunteered," I said, stretching as I sat up in bed. As I recall, I had fallen asleep with my greaves on, again, so I adjusted them before stepping out. "She still refuses to join the nightwings, I presume?"

"You presume correctly," said Celestia, standing up.

"Why is this of concern? If she prefers to take tea, she may do so. We cannot allow her to leave the city unguarded, but if the strange mare would prefer a wolf lurking within her to a gorgeous cowl of fleshy wings and adorable ear tufts, that must be her unfathomable choice," I said. "I would likely opt to take such form myself were I not a regent, even though I am not presently infected."

"That is precisely the problem. Luna, Jade is not the mare she claimed to be when she volunteered for experimentation."

I said nothing. She hides her emotions well when it suits her, yet I could sense my sister was very nervous.

Princess Celestia took a deep breath. "She is a royal pegasus from the Crystal Kingdom. The foalish girl ran away from home on a lark, to see how foalks live in Equestria. She cannot return as a nightwing, because she is a direct heir to the throne," she said.

"If we let her leave with the affliction, she could infect others. We could have a nation of vamponies. That is not acceptable."

Celestia nodded her head. "It is worse. The crystal ponies are their own species. For reasons of superstitious prophecy, their ruling class have always been pegasi, but the countryfoalk are all crystal ponies..."

"...and we have no idea what the disease would do to them," I said, with a sigh. "Jade is a princess, I take it?"

"Countess. But when her father dies, and I hear he sadly ails, she will be the Princess," said Celestia. "I assume you understand the ramifications."

"Fie," I said. "Fie, fie, fie." I grimaced, and added once for good measure, "Fie! It is that royal zounderkite's fault, herself! Volunteering for medical experiments in a foreign land? Has she no horse sense?"

My sister smiled weakly in response, which had not been my intent, but it was most welcome. "Indeed, but she is young, and the young often do foalish things," she replied. "However, there exists a potential solution. Over the past century, the nobility have adopted unicorn guards in addition to crystal and pegasus guards. Countess Jade has taken a fancy to the Lord Commander of the Fire Brigade: Sir Sombra. He has already earned the favor of Jade's father for valor in battle. The Kingdom has sent him here to Everfree City in order to fetch her, and I spoke with him earlier today when he arrived. He intends to return home with Jade Spirit, and agrees with us that it would be best were she to convert to nightwing."

"Aside from the obvious potential for a civil war once the true heir to the Crystal Kingdom throne mutates partway into a bat due to the machinations of whom they must now certainly view as the Lunar Princess of Darkness and Evil, I presume there is yet another catch my dear sister and friend yet waits to reveal," I said.

"Two catches. First, he wants us to make him an umbrum," said Celestia. "Along with the seven members of his guard who traveled with him."

I paused for a moment, thinking. "Ah. He wishes to impress his future Princess," I said. "I fail to see why we should not acquiesce. If he is popular, his acceptance of what may otherwise be seen as a nightmarish mutation may allow her to openly embrace the form of a nightwing. This is a very good thing."

"I agree. However, the second catch is more of a problem. Sir Sombra intends to return to the Kingdom with Jade Spirit in her current form, and change her body there once the Countess has made the announcement to her citizens about her impending... modification."

"Change her after she arrives? But Star Swirl's magic only permits the fractured crystals to sustain the invisibles for a few hours, Celie," I pointed out. "They cannot be teleported or affected by magic in the interim because they remain nearly frozen in time. There is simply no way to get one to the Crystal Kingdom quickly enough, and we cannot safely split the star in twain without potentially ruining the integrity of whatever mystery keeps the invisibles within it alive."

Princess Celestia nodded solemnly, and patiently waited for me to come to the obvious conclusion.

My eyes drew wide. "Neigh, Sister. There is no way this can be permitted," I said. "I forbid it!"

"I share your concerns, Luna. Sombra promises that the Kingdom only wishes to borrow the star for ceremonial purposes."

"I would prefer they take Jade Spirit back to the Kingdom with a supply of tea, to briefly visit her ponies and explain the situation. Then they could return here for the procedure," I said. "That alone would be dangerous, but leaving the star unguarded is begging for a disaster of heretofore unseen proportions."

Celestia sighed. "I know. I tried to push the option you mention, to no avail. Sombra and Jade both insist upon performing the ceremony in the Crystal Kingdom, and I do not believe she wishes to return to our land anytime soon."

"I shall accompany them, in that case," I said. "I can safeguard the star, ensure that Jade does not miss her tea, and act as emissary."

"I fear you may not, Luna. If the crystal ponies were to revolt, they would target you first and foremost," said Celestia, with a stern expression. "Sombra agreed that we may send two of your Night Guard to help safeguard the star, and no other ponies, not even an Ambassador of Friendship."

"I suppose the Night Guard would be a good emissary for nightwings in general. On their best behavior, the crystal ponies will see there is nothing to fear. But I still do not like the plan," I said, lowering my face into my hooves.

"Well, they leave tomorrow morning with Jade Spirit, with or without the star. We lack the diplomatic leverage to stop them from taking her back to her family. They have no plans to return here anytime soon. Unless we are willing to risk a nation-wide infection, what choice do we have?"

Although my big sister was correct, the option of allowing them to leave with the star was not much better of a choice. Indeed, it proved to be a fatal one.

The star was to remain in the Crystal Kingdom for one week's time, during which Jade Spirit would undergo her transformation and formally change her name to Jade Shadow. Her father died shortly after her return, so this period was extended to a second week. She underwent the transformation with no difficulty, and it was requested the star remain for a third week so that it could decorate the altar during the marriage ceremony. Many Equestrian citizens traveled far to witness the marriage firsthoof.

We grew concerned that the crystal ponies felt the star was their birthright, owing to its crystal nature. Even though our capital city existed in the middle of the Wild, we had a much more solid infrastructure to protect the star from potential misuse, owing to alicorn magic and the Tree of Harmony itself.

Our fears were made manifest when Sombra bared his vampiric fangs and drank his poor wife empty moments after his wedding to Jade Shadow was sealed. The crystal ponies were so terrified they were unable to use the Crystal Heart in response, and Sombra took advantage of this. He quickly stole it away and hid it in the shadows.

Naturally, the wedding was null and void in the eyes of the crystal ponies, but Sombra was incredibly powerful with the Crystal Heart out of the way. He used mind magic to control the Kingdom Guard, which was now known as the Empire Guard. The Crystal Kingdom had become an empire determined to spread and conquer neighboring lands. King Sombra would have demanded the name Emperor, but he announced he would reserve that title for the day he conquered all of Equestria. He enslaved all of his people. It was a very dark time for Harmony.

It may seem unfathomable that one pony could take over a kingdom so easily, but in addition to being a very powerful mage, Sombra had secretly re-infected himself with the vampony trait, and somehow had the force of will to control it even when fully transformed (he was a Master, in other words). We did not previously know reinfection of a night-touched were possible. It was something I had avoided testing because it was not clear if one could remove the vampony curse from an already night-touched race.

We intended to mobilize a military response, but before we were ready to strike, Sombra's powers grew yet again. First, he created a slew of umbrum soldiers from the other unicorns in the guard. Then he ate the entire star.

Yes, that is correct. As the legend goes, using magic, he cut the star into small pieces: hard metallic crust, infected crystal, and all. The pieces he swallowed sliced and tore at his throat as they plummeted into his bulging belly. He continued to eat long after his stomach had burst. Eventually he was cramming them into his bloody neck, and then he found more creative ways to insert them into his body. Once the entire thing had been consumed, his body somehow healed itself, and he gained unnatural power over both shadow and crystals. We do not know how much of this story is true, but it is almost assured that the meteorite no longer exists. We are also certain that Sombra never infected another pony, not even his mentally-zombified army, as he trusted no other pony to wield the awesome power he now possessed.

As mentioned previously, the amblers disappeared from Everfree City shortly after the wedding (none of them had attended). A few umbrum escaped from King Sombra's mind control, and the remaining umbrum in Equestria either traveled to live with them in isolation or joined the Wartime Division of the EUP Guard.

We went to war almost immediately, but made little progress. A few decades passed with a tenuous armistice, but Sombra grew stronger more quickly than our army did. We had no way to safely bring the Elements to his location, and Star Swirl had gone missing, so Princess Celestia and I worked furiously on learning how to combine our magic to make it stronger. Finally, we used our combined powers to destroy his physical form, but not before his curse caused the Empire itself to vanish for a thousand years.

I believe you know the rest, Twilight Sparkle. Personally, even.

Not long after Sombra's defeat, an attempt was made on my sister's life. The villain was imprisoned in the dungeons beneath the Castle of the Two Sisters. I spoke with my sister in a private room on the following day.

"I am fine, Luna," said my sister, wearing an infuriating smile on her foalish face.

"You could have been killed!" I bellowed in my best Royal Canterlot Voice, as she placed her shoes to her ears.

"That is unlikely."

"My dear Sister, we cannot afford to take that chance again. Something must be done. We must make knowledge of IT secret, no matter what the cost."

("It", of course, is the secret that our Master and Prince Shining Armor intends to reveal to you tomorrow.)

"We would have to control the populace and restrict the free exchange of ideas, Luna. Nothing is worth that kind of a noose around our citizens' necks. We are not Sombra."

I fumed with rage. "You dare compare me to him, Sister? This was all my fault, after all, was it not?"

"I did not say that."

"You did not need to, Celestia."

"I do not even believe it to be true, I swear it."

"Then you are a foal, for it is the truth. It was my perversion which allowed an entire country of peaceful citizens to vanish altogether!"

"Luna, do not do this to yourself. Please."

"And the citizens of OUR land now hate me for my part in this! They distrust you as well, and are even willing to attack you in your bedchambers!"

Princess Celestia blinked a few times. "Wait, you think my assault has something to do with you? Luna, that is silly."

"Silly! What is silly is this charade we continue to maintain. My weakness of affection has created the worst disaster in recent history—"

"Discord," corrected Celestia.

"—even the serpent did not outright kill many ponies in the wake of his Chaos! We must not allow the sexual openness of our society to drive ponies to make decisions out of passion, not as Sombra has done, and neither as I have. There can be little doubt the reprobate rotting in our dungeons had sexual urges for you—"

My dearest Sister rolled her eyes. "Luna, this line of thinking is preposterous! Sex has nothing to do with my attack," she said. "Besides, many ponies have sexual urges for me."

"Oh, our citizens certainly do love you, Princess Celestia," I spat the words from my muzzle. "They love far too much in general. And with the same fervor, they hate me. Mark my words, if you do not restrain these passions from our people they will destroy society from within!"

"Even if I agreed that such a foalhardy approach to our reign was in any way responsible, how could that be accomplished? Be reasonable, Luna. We are animals, after all," she said.

"Perhaps you and I must be animals, but our citizens need not! We can make them forget, Sister. We can remove memories of young sexual play from them, and teach them to wear clothing and act modestly!"

"You are proposing we censor history, Luna! The Crystal Empire with its many enchantments of love was among the most sex-based societies to have ever existed! Would you remove all traces of the war from our history books? Redact information about pheromones from biology texts? Erase memories from our own little ponies?"

"I would do anything to save my Sister, were she not too stupid to see the necessity of this act! We have to erase memories of (the secret). It is the only way to keep you safe. It is perfectly reasonable to fix our society's dangerous ills at the same time."

Slowly, my sister's face hardened in a way that pains me greatly to remember. "This is ridiculous. I see through your ruse, Luna. You are hurting because our little ponies no longer love you. I agree it is not fair, but making everypony forget about the Crystal Empire is not the solution."

"That... that is NOT why I do this! You know nothing!" I am certain I was crying as I spoke the words, "If you think I am selfish, I shall cause all of our subjects to love me again; and once they do, you shall finally listen to reason and take these dire steps necessary to protect yourself and the rest of our crumbling society!"

I stormed off to my bedchambers. We did not speak to one another for more than a week.

I succumbed to the Nightmare about three months afterwards. After my banishment, in her grief Princess Celestia apparently began to see my side of things.

You know the rumors of what she did, and those rumors are true. In addition to erasing memories and censoring valuable knowledge, she managed to change the very brains of ponies (and possibly other races) with a genetically dormant trigger which overdevelops part of the prefrontal cortex. It activates in early puberty unless a foal has a benign form of sexual experience which leaves them without trauma. You know this as the stain.

I have no idea how Celestia created the stain. I asked her once, when she briefed me on it, and she was adamant that she could not tell me and I should never ask her again. She must have reverse engineered what little Crystal Kingdom technology remained to accomplish this, but there must be more to the story.

I still feel responsible for all of this, Twilight, and perhaps I am, in large part. My sister went mad from my banishment, and tried to create the sterile society I envisioned, one based on friendship and superficial love that buries its baser instincts like landmines. To my surprise, it seems to have worked... but that is only true on the surface.

I would prefer to say nothing more on the matter, as recounting this has brought back many painful feelings. I need to tend to my eyes, then wake Pipsqueak from his nap. You may elect to take this time to write down my words, as midnight will be at hoof within the hour.

Day 58 (Midnight Snack) (Part 1 of 2)

"Twilight Sparkle, I suspect young Pipsqueak is likely to be a touch cranky when I awaken him from his nap. Would you mind locating Rarity?" asked Luna. "She intends to prepare you for tonight's feast."

I paused for a moment.

"The feast isn't me, is it?" I asked, only half in jest.

Princess Luna rolled her eyes and shook her glowing mane. "Perhaps figuratively, in a way. If you indeed elect to join the herd, we would gladly have our way with you—and as well, you have your way with us—with that ravishing body you possess spread out across the dining table as a feast for the senses. But neigh: drink blood though we may, we are neither carnivores, nor cannibals," she said. "Surely you do not think such terrible things of us, Twilight." I sensed a sadness behind her sarcastic exterior.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore," I said, ignoring the 'ravishing body' nonsense. "Of course I don't really think you're that monstrous. Sun above, I don't want to think anything bad about my corrupted friends, least of all my brother. But I've been through Tartarus these past few weeks. Can you blame me?"

Luna looked me in the eyes and placed a gentle shoe on my shoulder. "I am very sorry for what you have endured, Twilight Sparkle. Moreover, I am sorry for what you must endure to come. I truly wish you were not fated to escape again," she said. "Hopefully you will not be gone from us for long. Your torment shall be at an end soon enough, and I shall most heartily welcome your transition to our side."

"Nopony can see the future, Luna," I said, hoping I could eke more information out of her with a bit of cleverness.

Why is she hiding her source from the other vamponies? Is there something important she's keeping from the rest of them? I still want to believe she's on my side, somehow...

"What you say is true. However, one mare's future is yet another mare's past," she said. She turned away from me with that, so I gave up and walked to the door.

I need to make a note here. Luna just heavily implied the use of time travel. Presumably, somepony has already seen my future. But who? I don't want to even consider it, but there's only one pony I can think of who might know my future right now, and I know she knows my future.

Princess Celestia.

Princess Celestia has advance access to the finished version of this Journal. Nopony else possibly could. If Luna is collaborating with her sister, I'm already doomed, unless Luna is secretly a double-agent, but... if that were true? I can't imagine she would do any of these disturbing things I've seen her do. Certainly she would be reassuring me in private, instead of begging me to join these nightmarish ghouls!

So maybe her source isn't Celestia after all. Either way, I need to figure this out. If I can make contact with Celestia again, perhaps in the dream world (although that would be entirely up to her, as I can rarely even gain lucidity on my own), I'll want to press her about this. Even though she's the only pony I know who is still on my side, she hasn't been perfectly forthcoming either, and it bothers me.

I stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind me. Master (I really shouldn't think that, let alone write it) Shadowbane was waiting there beside the door.

"Ah, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Come with me, my beautiful mare. I shall take you to where Lady Rarity awaits," he said, with his weird accent.

I'm not "your" beautiful mare. I thought better than to say it, of course, but the displeasure was no doubt etched on my muzzle.

He clearly caught my stare. "Please forgive me, Princess. I am not nearly as 'good' at the modern tongue as my... lady-pet," he said, the appellation timidly exiting from his lips.

I stopped and turned to face him. "Master Shadowbane—and I am calling you that only because it is your formality, not because I consider you to be above me or any other pony—I need to inform you of something," I said. "You are Princess Luna's inferior, in every way, and you always will be. You are not 'better' than her simply because you have a penis."

The look on Shadowbane's face was one of shock and sadness, and it slowly wended to resignation. "Princess Twilight Sparkle—"

"Just Twilight, please. I'm also no better than you simply by being a princess, even though I earned my title," I said.

I felt an Applejack-flavored fire in my belly I had long since missed. It felt like the plain, honest truth. A small grin crossed my lips.

"Twilight, then," said Shadowbane, with a nod and a half-smile. "On the point regarding Luna, I... I must concur. I know she would not wish me to speak ill of myself, but I could never hope to surpass her glory in any way. She dwarfs me. But I am told that you are the Princess of Friendship, and I would hope that you, of all ponies, should agree that it is not in the best interests of Friendship for me to place my Lady upon a pedestal."

I paused for a moment in confusion. "You... agree?" I said. "Then how does that reconcile with this 'Master' thing? It sounds and looks like you're the one on the high horse."

Shadowbane looked perplexed, and then he laughed softly. "Oh, no! Twilight, I think you have the wrong idea about all of this. Haven't your friends explained the nature of our new relationships to you?"

"Yes, but it never makes any sense. They keep telling me that I hear them but I don't understand them, and... well, I'm tired of playing these stupid games," I said, not looking him in the eyes. My voice sounded wounded, which was not my intent.

Shadowbane placed his hoof under my chin and propped it upward, and leaned his face close to mine. I felt like swatting it away, mainly because some part of me felt... it felt protective, like a touch from my brother. Before the creepiness, I mean. I don't want to feel safe with this pony.

"My brilliant, lost little pony. We must ensure this subject is broached in the conversation to come during the feast," he whispered. "I will do everything in my power to assist in your understanding. Of this, you have my word."

"...okay," I said, wincing and shutting my eyes tightly at the forlorn look he was giving me.

The nightborn pulled his hoof away and began walking down the corridor without me. For a moment, I considered going somewhere else, but I followed him anyway. We reached a large double-door. He knocked, and Rarity answered the door. Inside was a Princess Suite, one of the finest guest rooms in the castle.

"Twilight! Are you... doing well?" she asked me. Her mane and tail were extra curly. A sweet smile across her lips belied the nervous tension I could see in her face. Everypony in this madhouse was trotting on eggshells around me, like I was some sort of emotional powderkeg waiting to explode.

In fairness, I suppose that's about right.

I shrugged. "Kinda numb, I guess. My horn is constantly vibrating, which would be disturbingly arousing if it weren't a source of constant annoyance," I complained, stepping into the room. "Luna just went over the history of the vamponies with me, which still provides me with zero clue about why she, or anypony else, would voluntarily go along with your insane revolutionary plans. Oh, and Luna has a tiny foal sleeping in her bed, which is so sick I don't even want to think about it. I no longer expect answers. You're all just bucking nuts. Vampony equals insanity, and that's all there is to be learned."

Rarity pouted. "Don't be like that, Twilight. I'm certain tonight's dinner will help you to better understand our motives. I know you think we're... a few bolts of organza short of a wedding gown, shall we say. But you must realize your friends love you very much."

"Yeah, I know. That's the worst part," I said, and Rarity shut the door behind me. I noticed at this point that she didn't have her sheath on. Her stubby horn was visible due to the way she wears her mane. It was definitely growing, and it was close to a third of its original length. It would be at least a month before she could cast with it, though (probably two).

"Let's get this over with. What do I need to do to prepare?"

"We're going to get you freshly bathed and dressed. I still have the gown from the Crystal Kingdom, and it would be a shame not to use it again," she said.

I dropped my head low and grunted. "Ugh. Being reminded of that awful dinner is exactly not what I need right now."

"The problem with the last dinner is it erupted into politics starting with your dramatic complaint about somepony whistling approval at our appearance," said Rarity. "And yes, we all reacted very poorly and abrasively in response. It was churlish and stupid. Your brother is still kicking himself for that."

"He should be. That was the dinner I lost my brother, Rarity," I said, holding back tears.

Rarity pulled my head up and looked sternly into my eyes. "Twilight, you have not lost your brother. You cannot give up hope so easily. Please, let us show you..."

"I'm just tired of waiting," I said, and sighed, shaking my head. "I don't want to play dress-up. I just want to get each day over with so I can be unconscious again, because there's always a slim chance I'll dream of better days, or maybe this whole thing will just turn out to have been a terrible nightmare."

"Twilight Sparkle, you are the most Negative Nelly in the world right now. You can't say this adventure has been all bad," said Rarity, gently touching my cheek (I was tempted to recoil, but it felt nice, and I miss her). "Compare yourself to the filly you used to be two months ago. Haven't you learned anything valuable? Haven't you discovered a new bond with Applejack? With Rainbow Dash? Aren't those loving experiences worth something?"

I sighed and nodded. "Well... I'm actually grateful for that, yes. If things could go back to the way they were right now, except for my experiences, I would be grateful for all the horrible crap I've endured," I said, furrowing my brow. "All of this was actually worth it. I'm surprised to hear myself say that, but it's true."

"Good!" said Rarity, with a smile as she led me to an opulent bathroom. A jacuzzi was already bubbling, but she walked me toward the shower instead. "Things can't go back to normal, but they can get better. We want your input to change things. We want you to be a part of this, not a victim, but a contributor to our ideas."

"If you can explain why, and it makes sense, I'll consider it," I said. This was a fairly safe bluff. How could these frightening behaviors possibly have a rational basis? They can't. Simple as that.

Then again, maybe it wasn't a bluff. If Team Creepy actually made sense, I wouldn't need to fight. Celestia, how I wish they made sense. The fighting is just so incredibly draining.

Rarity helped me shower and scrub. I didn't flinch when she handled... those parts of me, probably because she didn't linger or attempt to molest me there. We were silent until I was clean, and then as she walked me to the tub, she answered me.

"I suspect many of your questions will be answered tonight, but the last bits of it will be handled tomorrow when we have audience with a certain 'noble'," said Rarity, the derisive scare quotes audible. (I wonder if it might be that nasty lout from the first Gala she attended, Prince Blueblood. I didn't care enough to ask, though.) Rarity covered her mane in one shower cap and her tail in another, since she'd already styled them. We both stepped into the tub. The water was hot and soothing, and I sat down on one of the ledges.

"I guess we'll see," I said, and I couldn't help a smile from gracing my lips. "Wow. This feels wonderful, but we don't really have time for it, do we?"

"We're here only for a few minutes," said Rarity. "I hope we can come back later, though. I miss spending time with you, and it is so lovely to see a smile on your face again."

"I'm a little tired, even after today's nap. After the feast I hope I can sleep," I said. "Maybe I'll have enough energy to write in the book first."

Rarity nodded. "Twilight, would you mind if I held you?"

"Please do," I said, surprising myself. "I still believe you care about me, in some twisted way, and I could really use a hug—"

She immediately latched onto me and pulled me deeper into the hot tub, her forelegs wrapped around me. One hoof gently stroked my withers. "Is this copacetic?" she asked.

"Thank you," I whispered. I was afraid I would cry, but I think the pleasure overcame the sadness.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortably horny during dinner, so I'd like to quickly satisfy you," she said, and guided me through the hot tub. I decided against fighting her. It felt too nice, and I was too tired to resist anyway.

I felt her back me up against the edge of the tub, where two jets were spraying beneath the surface of the water. Then she lined me up, and I shivered.

"Ah! Um, R-Rarity, the jets are right on my—"

"Your vulva and anus, darling? That's the idea. But it won't be any fun unless you unclench your muscles," she said. Rarity broke from the hug and stepped back slightly so her own rump was against another part of the hot tub. Her face was close to mine, and she looked into my eyes.

I understand why the rushing jet pounding against my clenched vulva was arousing. Duh. But the one stabbing my anus was also incredibly arousing... and why? That isn't what anuses are for! Is it subconscious perversion, infecting my perception? Still, the nerve endings there are so stimulating. Is this part of how sex works? Stars, I hope not.

"I'm..." I said. I had wanted to say 'I'm scared', but that seemed kind of stupid. I took an empty gulp of air. "Okay." I blushed and closed my eyes.

"My sweet, darling Twilight. Please don't hide those eyes from me," whispered Rarity, petting my face with a wet hoof. "If you open them, you can look into my eyes. We can watch each other climax. Wouldn't that be nice? I want to share this with you, if only you'll let me."

I opened my eyes, gritted my teeth, and unclenched.

The moment I stopped fighting the jets, I felt them enter me, and the sensations were thrilling. My jaw quivered as I looked at her perfectly made-up face. "O-okay, that's p-pretty amazing," I said, then gasped. Rarity smiled at me with a look of pride, and I could see her cheeks tensing and relaxing. Then I looked into her eyes, and within seconds I lost myself.

"You're so pretty when you're horny, Twilight," she whispered against my lips. I could feel the jets forcefully pounding into both of my... my holes, and my body shivered. I've never felt anything like this before. It wasn't as nice as being with another pony, but the inescapable forcefulness...

Oh my bucking feathers. Is this what being with a stallion is like?

With that thought, I came, and hard. Rarity beamed with obvious pride as I moaned aloud. "Good girl!" she said, then kissed me gently on the lips.

I'm pretty sure I came a second time. Holy Stars, it was incredible.

Shaky on my feet, I moved my rump to the side so I could recover from the experience. My genitals felt a little numb from all the pressure. I figured I'd just get out of the jacuzzi and allow Rarity to finish without me, but I didn't want to. It didn't matter that I was no longer horny. I still wanted to be with her. I never imagined I could enjoy sex without being aroused, but there I was, loving the experience of seeing my friend's face contort in pleasure.

(I guess this means I'm hopelessly perverted now, but I don't know if it's such a bad thing. Not this symptom, at least. Being able to share is nice, isn't it?)

Rarity held one of my hooves in hers, and staring into her eyes I could feel her slipping slowly into my heart. Figuratively, of course, but even then it almost felt physical. I loved another one of my friends, Journal. I still love her. Would I feel this way with Fluttershy, too? She's my only close friend I haven't been intimate with, even (sadly) counting Spike. I guess friendship and love aren't so different after all if you're as messed up as I've become.

No, wait. I've never been intimate with Princess Celestia, and she's definitely a close friend, even if I've kept her at leg's length. I feel dirty just thinking about the idea, though. I would never be worth her attention, and she can't possibly love mares. Maybe she can't love anypony, anymore. I know what she's said, but...

I need to stop thinking about this now.

I saw Rarity spasm and I heard her moan, and then I shut her up by planting my mouth firmly over hers. She pulled my tongue inside with her own vampony appendage, which wrapped tightly around my tongue and held it fast. I couldn't stop looking into her eyes, Journal. I might have never stopped, but eventually she released me and stepped forward for a gentle hug.

"Thank you, Twilight," she said, smiling as she stepped back. "You've come so far these past months."

I nodded. "Yeah. I guess I have."

We exited the jacuzzi and toweled off. I made sure to dry the furry ring within my collar. Then she walked me up to the sink and removed her shower caps.

"Is this dinner formal enough for makeup?" I asked.

Rarity clicked her tongue dismissively. "Darling, everything is formal enough for makeup. However, I think your brother would prefer you to be au natural," she said, even as she applied a tiny amount of makeup to my cheeks. "However, if you're wearing the dress again, we must complete the look." Rarity lifted a copper object that looked very familiar.

"Ah, one of those," I said, blushing. "Rarity, I really don't want to be distracted during dinner. I need to ask questions."

"No worries, Twilight. Once you sit down, it will no longer be distracting. I promise," she said with a motherly smile as she slathered the plug with a strange lubricant. "It's the same size as Spike's toy, which you've already had experience with. Now bear down for me, sweetheart. It won't hurt if you cooperate. The more you try to open your body to me, the easier it will be."

I frowned at the mention of my poor assistant, but I complied. She walked behind me and I lifted my tail. I felt it: wet, smooth, and cool, rubbing first at my dock, then at my 'ponut'. Rather than shove it in, Rarity took her time and gently massaged the rim in and out, ensuring my body had time to adapt. Oddly enough, it wasn't erotic. It felt more like exercise than foreplay, but it only took about half a minute of struggle. Finally she pushed much harder, and there was a brief moment of discomfort as it slipped inside and 'locked' within me, by virtue of its shape.

I exhaled, realizing that I'd been holding my breath at the end there. "Okay, I guess that's it."

Rarity carefully cleaned away the excess lubricant with tissues, then she reared up on her hind legs and took a gem and a hoof mirror back there. With the mirror, I could see it resting inside me, lewdly, like a decoration matching the rest of my accessories.

I feel something like a display case, to be honest. I wish I could say I didn't enjoy this.

The gem had magic illumination to it so that I could see what was emblazoned on the plug. It was my ~~boyfr~~ brother's cutie mark, naturally. Seeing that sent a twinge of pleasure through my nethers, which I cursed. Rarity twisted the plug until it was right side up, and I could feel my anus and insides tense and tug against it.

Then she slapped it once, and I gasped. "There we go! Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" she said soothingly. I just closed my eyes. I was emotionally drained, which I suppose was the point.

Now I suppose I might as well describe the dress that I avoided describing earlier in the Journal. Colt, howdy, as Applejack might say...

The dress is unchanged from the last time I wore it, except that she replaced the gold rings with copper ones, for obvious reasons. As I mentioned before, it looks something like a bridal dress gone mad. Previously I mentioned that I liked the ribbony braiding of my main and tail, and I still do. What I neglected to describe was how the braiding is done, which is the mildly disturbing thing. (I'd gladly keep the braids without the dress.)

Essentially, there's a headdress made of crimson silk and a small amount of deep orange organza, and the hair in my mane is woven into the organza mesh through holes designed for that purpose. It makes it look like a wedding cowl that has permanently fused itself to my head. The tail is similar: crimson silk buffets the croup, just aft of the saddle (which I'll mention in a moment). There's a dark orange organza through which my tail is woven, only this piece is stiffened into a crowbar-like shape, exposing my hindquarters for all the world to see (and what a show... but I'll get there soon). Again, I love the weave, I'd just prefer it without the fabric mesh putting me on display, because I am not insane.

The saddle is a dark violet pleather edged with crimson, resting on a bed of ribbony magenta and purple that match the stripes in my mane and tail. The ribbons tie around my barrel in a pattern reminiscent of a fink-style truss bridge, which I must admit is aesthetically pleasing. There's a saddle-horn made of the same material as the saddle, with crimson accents around the top and a thick copper ring through the tip. It might be coincidence (and I certainly hope it is), but I just realized the rings in both my saddlehorn and Rarity's have an inner diameter equal to the diameter of Spike's... um. Right. You get the horrible idea.

The inexcusably lewd part is the remaining attachment. Two dark purple pleather straps pass across my haunch, like a big X shape crossing out my cutie mark. The first of them goes from my saddle down to cup under my ass cheeks. The second one goes from my dock (it's connected to a copper ring which tightly encircles my tailbase) down to my flank. The second one ends in a soft magenta half-bra that pushes my teats caudally (that means toward the tail) without covering much of anything. It forces my teats to tilt toward my backside.

And that's not even the worst part. A third strap connects the dock to the midpoint of each of the other two straps. It separates my teats at the bra, joins with the first strap, and when it goes up the crack of my rump it finally separates into two straps which perfectly outline the dark lips of my vulva and anus. There's a soft padding between the straps and my ridges. So the colors are dark purple (the straps) on the outside, an inner silk padding of bright magenta, then inside that are my dark purple genital ridges. Within the anal ridge is the copper plug; within my vulva is (ugh) its usual light pink interior (which hopefully doesn't show, but I can't always control the 'winking'—none of that so far, thankfully).

Rarity clearly put a lot of thought into my genitals when she made this 'dress'. She must have been paying attention to what my pussy looks like even before she became a vampony! Why? I don't think I want to know.

I've already described Rarity's dress way back on the Day 42 (Attire) entry. It's as gorgeous as it is lewd, which is 'very'. So is mine, though you probably gathered that already, poor reader.

We spent about ten minutes dressing each other. Rarity said something about how beautiful I look, which I ignored, and then she left to the dinner. Shadowbane was outside the door, and he asked me to wait a few minutes so that I could make a proper entrance. So I wrote this portion of the entry, and he waited a little longer still. We're about to leave, so I'm setting you down here Journal. Don't go anywhere.

Day 58 (Midnight Snack) (Part 2 of 2)

Shadowbane stood with me at the double-door entrance to one of the smaller dining halls. "I shall introduce you, Twilight, but I would ask you to turn about."

It took me a moment to realize what this was implying. "Ah. Let me guess. I'm walking in backwards so everypony can see my junk? That sounds about right for you perverts." Oddly enough it didn't faze me, even though I was a little embarrassed at the idea. I was hoping the sheer absurdity of this might have a chance to register with my insane friends, even if that were a longshot.

"It is primarily for good humor, Princess. If you are not game for such a thing, we need not do it," he whispered to me. He seemed sincere.

I turned around anyway. "It's fine. At this point, something like this isn't going to shock or disturb me any more than I already am." (Admittedly, a small part of me actually wanted to show off my business-parts. It feels nice to be attractive, even if it's about something gross like my butt.)

Shadowbane opened the doors and walked me backwards into the room. "Presenting Her Royal Anus, lost Princess Twilight Sparkle," he announced, in the most formal Royal Canterlot Voice he could muster.

I totally lost it.

I couldn't stop laughing. I could tell that cracking up was making my rump jiggle, but it didn't matter. "I—I can't even," I choked out amidst the laughter. "This, this is so... incredibly, illogically ludicrous!"

I heard Moon Black's voice far behind me. "Lo! The introduction appears to be a success," he said.

"I was hoping we could get you to laugh tonight, Twilight," said Princess Cadance, with a chuckle of her own. "You can turn around now."

I turned to face the dining room, still giggling despite the foalishness. "You're so bucking ridiculous! Surely you can see this? Not even vamponies could be that far gone."

"Yes, we're a little silly," admitted my brother, with a grin, "and that's not a problem from where I sit. A sense of humor is just as important as an openness to new experiences." He was well-dressed in his formal princely attire, and had also donned an onyx collar bearing no ring.

"Well, I agree with that much at least," I said, as the smile faded from my lips. "But the degradation isn't funny when I think about the fact that you probably mean it."

"We don't mean it in the way you think we do," said Flash Sentry. "That's something we hope to clear up tonight."

I shrugged (mostly with my facial expression—is there a word for that?) and walked toward my seat. Shining Armor sat at one head of the rounded-rhombus shaped table, which seemed designed to facilitate group conversation. The table had two seats on each of the four "edges", and two additional seats at the "heads" (the acute tips, which were slightly truncated). Shining was flanked on his right by Cadance, and on his left by me (of course). To my left sat Flash Sentry, who also wore a featureless onyx collar and his formal guard attire. He had a subtle but naughty-looking grin on his muzzle which I tried not to look at directly.

I looked down at my chair before sitting, just in case there were some kind of horrible sex toy lodged into it. Fortunately, it was bare. These were flat chairs intended for sitting normally (not the kind where your legs awkwardly overhang the seat), so there would have been room to avoid it anyway.

Rarity was seated next to Princess Cadance. To Rarity's right sat Ms. Mare (whose dress I'll describe in a moment). To Ms. Mare's right was an empty seat which Shadowbane was presently walking towards. Princess Luna sat in the chair at the head of the table opposite my brother, flanked by two empty chairs: Shadowbane's empty chair on the left, and an elevated empty chair on the right obviously intended for Pipsqueak. Moon Black sat between Pipsqueak's chair and Flash Sentry, completing the elliptic rhomboid.

As I mentioned, Pip wasn't in his chair. Instead, he was galloping around the table and giggling. "Hi Princess Twilight!" he yelped every time he passed me. He wore a tiny tuxedo vest which was indescribably cute, complete with cumberbund, but no pants.

At that point it dawned on me just how young Pip is. I thought about lecturing Luna, but I couldn't allow myself to be absorbed into that argument right then. I had more pressing questions to ask.

Luna wore her white gold accessories, including her ounckse with white gold interior ring, while the nightwings remained nude (not counting the earrings—everypony had a pair on except Pip). What I could see of the Mayor's dress was lovely; clearly a Rarity creation. It appeared to be ruched charmeuse in turquoise blues and greens with pink accents which would match the Mayor's natural mane color if she ever decided to wash the grey dye out. She now wore copper earrings and a copper collar (I couldn't see her legs well), and she sat up straight and tall with an expression of pride on her face.

I was envious of that pride, and I let it burn within me. I deserve the pain I feel for instilling pride in her in the first place.

"Master?" said Rarity, to my brother.

"Relax, sweet cunt. Formal roles are dropped for the duration of the dinner," he said. "Even if this dinner isn't casual, Cadance and I think conversation tonight would be better with everypony freely able to express themselves."

"My Lady, regarding the child..." said Shadowbane, looking rather uncomfortable.

"Pipsqueak, calm yourself," said Luna, reaching out with a hoof to scoop him up into her lap, where he squirmed and giggled. "Master Shadowbane, fear not. Little Pip is of harm to nopony." She rubbed muzzles with him. If not for the context, it would have been adorable (okay, maybe it was 'objectively adorable' anyway).

Moon Black turned toward me. "The freedom which is granted to foals these days is... novel, to we bats who be freshly emigrated from another time," he said. "Comfort will come eventually, good Shadowbane."

Shadowbane smiled. "In time, most certainly. My Lady appears very comfortable, but she adapts more rapidly than you or I."

Luna smiled in return. "I enjoy seeing foals happy more than anything. Some here may be unaware that I retained the form of a foal for many decades, since my ascension to pegacorn occurred prior to earning my mark. The same is true of my sister," she revealed. "This provides me with solace amid young ponies. Additionally, I have witnessed many centuries come and go. Venerability carries with it the virtue of patience."

"Not to interject, but I must deeply apologize that your new accessories are not here yet, Lady Luna," said Rarity. "They should arrive in the morning."

Flash Sentry took a sip of wine, then chuckled and shook his head. "Rarity, you're amazing. Princess Luna already looks stunning. I can't imagine how incredible the new accessories must be if you think you've outdone these."

"Indeed," said Luna, with a smile. "You have spoiled us all, Rarity. Thank you so much for your tireless service to the Order of Spring, and moreover, to your friends."

I looked across the table, which had no centerpiece (I assume this was to avoid anything ornate getting in the way of conversation). Our places were set, and we each had a glass of red wine in front of us, including Pip, though the color was deeper so I suspected grape juice. There were baskets of bread and jam out, and the bread smelled freshly baked.

"I shouldn't have wine on an empty stomach, but I think I need this," I said, and lifted the glass. "To Rarity's endless creativity... and with luck, to the rapid end of Twilight Sparkle."

"To new beginnings," corrected Brother with a sad stare in my direction, and all raised their glasses. I sighed as I lifted the cup to my lips, but stopped when Cadance's eyes widened.

"Twilight! Wait!" she said. "Rarity, did...?"

"Hm? Yes, I donated to all of the glasses except my own, including Twilight's," she said. "Even Pipsqueak's grape juice."

"Ew," I said, setting down the cup. "I don't even want to know."

"Just a little blood," said Shining Armor. "And it won't hurt you."

"Will it turn me into a vampony?" I said, hooftipping the rim of the glass. For a brief moment, I was tempted to end this right then and there. "Or force me to taste the wolf, perhaps?"

"No," he said. "Even if the alcohol wasn't sufficient to lyse bacteria, the bacteria can't survive outside of blood. If you drank a small quantity of blood directly, unless it makes direct blood contact with an open sore, it would provide you with a hint of the wolf instead."

"I would prefer to give Pipsqueak his first hint in private, at a later time," said Princess Luna.

"I'm gonna drink blood," said Pip, his eyes narrowed evilly. "I need a red cape, though."

Before I could ask, Cadance responded with a definition: "A hint of the wolf gives you the senses of a vampony and a small amount of the desire. Exposure to sexual fluids and ingestion of diluted blood can cause it," she said. "Unlike tasting the wolf, a hint won't cause you to transform all the way. It's more appropriate as a first step for foals and skeptics."

"So a taste is between a hint and being turned, I guess?" I asked.

"More or less," said my brother, "But the only way to taste the wolf is by using mudblood. We don't know how to make it happen by using normal vampony blood or sexual fluids. It might not even be possible. Cadance is still researching what mudblood is composed of."

"I'm no foal, but a hint was sufficient to convince me," said Mayor Mare. "You must try it, Twilight. If you'd like, I'd be happy to assist you. You could have your fill of my nethers..." She smiled warmly, as though offering her wet pussy to my lips were nothing more obscene than a neighbor asking to borrow a ladder.

"You needed convincing?" I asked, trying as best I could not to think about the Mayor's offer in detail. (I did not succeed, and even though the idea of licking another mare down there is still something I find disgusting, it tickled my insides something fierce.)

Shadowbane chuckled. "Ms. Mare was adamantly opposed to becoming a vampony until we provided her with proof of concept. As she just pointed out herself, she is no foal, Twilight."

"That's... actually reassuring. I thought screwing with her brain would have been sufficient to make her do anything you told her to," I said. "I still have no idea why you—"

"Removal of the stain has no effect on logic, Twilight," interrupted Mayor Mare. "I'm the same pony I ever was. The only difference is that I am finally free of the moral restrictions which have prevented me from telling you what a delicious-looking cunt you have between those young, supple thighs." She licked her lips suggestively, and I blushed so hard I was afraid my cheeks would start sweating from the heat.

I paused for a moment to recover from the sensation, then turned toward my brother. "Shining, you want me to give in to you. Why does my consent still matter? Why not just take me?" I asked, despite knowing the answer. I had no choice but to ask. I desperately wanted them to get it over with, but I still couldn't beg them to do it. I remember thinking...

Why won't they rape me the way I need them to? Why won't they let me off the hook, and just take my body and soul without asking—

I abruptly stopped that train of thought, feeling a sick lurch in the pit of my stomach. Like a roller coaster too large for me to handle, it was thrilling and nauseating all mixed up together in a way where the good feelings couldn't be separated from the horrible ones. I couldn't believe those thoughts had just entered my mind. Nopony wants to be raped, do they? It isn't "rape" if they do, by definition at least. Ponies can have unrealistic fantasies, however, and it's hard not to have them here in captivity. (At least I still realize it's unrealistic.)

"No, Twilight," said Flash. He reached over to gently hold my hoof, which snapped me out of my reverie. "We want you to give in to yourself, not to your brother, and not to the Order. It's what you want that you're fighting, not what we want."

"We can do this right now, if it's what you truly want, Sis," said my brother. I turned back from Flash to look at him. His eyes were hopeful.

"You know I can't," I said, briefly grimacing.

"Twilight, could you please help us understand something about your state of mind?" said Rarity. "You seem to like it when we do naughty things with you, yet you look so miserable. Didn't you enjoy our time in the bath together? Doesn't that plug feel nice inside of you?"

"I've been wondering the same thing," said Princess Cadance. "You don't fight us when we pleasure you, but you refuse to give in completely. You're making yourself suffer by playing both sides. None of us can understand why."

"Just... give me a moment to think," I said, my voice a whisper.

I had been blocking out my feelings for a long time, because I saw my emotions as the enemy. Rarity had an excellent point. I enjoyed the sex, even at the same time as I thought of it as abuse. What I hated was my position in all this...

I could hear Pip messily eating some bread and jam, but that was the only sound in the room. Everypony around me was practically holding their breath. My eyes were shut tight and I squeezed Flash's hoof in mine. I felt like crying, and I didn't understand why.

Before I could reach an epiphanic moment (something I'm trying not to have as I write this, because I'm too tired for epiphanies right now), Brother stood up and placed a hoof on my shoulder.

"Twily, I think this is something you need to spend more time thinking about. We all know you've been suffering, and that's the last thing we want for you," he said. "But I suspect this is going to take time. We intended for this dinner to be a relaxing event where you can ask us questions, so unless you're sure you want to explore your psychology right now, you might want to pause here. Dealing with your own inner demons is something we can help you with tomorrow."

He was right. I don't know what lies beneath, but it hurts to think about it. I'll try to work on it tomorrow. I suspect there will be tears. Ugh.

"Until you have a better understanding of your own desires, we can avoid doing anything sexual with you, or to you," said Princess Luna. "Would that be a welcome reprieve from the stress?"

I opened my eyes and exhaled deeply. "Yes, actually. That... that would really help, I think." (Even as I said the words, I regretted them. I'm not sure why. Maybe I just want to belong, on some unspoken level... or maybe there's more to it. I don't know yet.)

At the cusp of this awkward tension, Crystal Hoof burst into the room rolling forward a large cart filled with salads, and a much larger plate bearing unusual greens and veggies for customizing them. He began serving everypony, a very happy smile on his face.

"We should make a space for you after you bring the main course, darling," said Rarity as she gently smoothed his mane. "You belong here as much as anypony."

"Oh, n-no, I'm j-just a cunt," he said, blushing. "I'm not hungry for s-salad anyway..."

"That isn't how being a cunt works," said Shining Armor. "You're entitled to be with us, Crystal Hoof, regardless as to your station. The only reason you aren't seated at the moment is that we can't trust anypony else to serve us our meal tonight, given the topics of conversation at hoof."

"Oh! And I am very happy to serve, Master Prince Shining Armor," he said, his tail wagging in a cute but most un-ponylike manner as he finished delivering the first course to the table.

Princess Cadance cleared her throat, and nodded towards Rarity.

"Come here, Crystal Hoof," said Rarity, and the crystal pony galloped right into her legs for a hug. She kissed him on the nose, and he shivered, closed his eyes, and licked his lips.

"You're so nice to me, Lady Rarity," he whimpered.

Rarity pet him until he opened his eyes. "Crystal, I need to tell you something, and you have to promise me not to be afraid. Everypony here cares about you, and you're not in any trouble."

"What is it?" Crystal Hoof looked a little nervous. "I... I promise."

Rarity took a deep breath, and smiled wanly. "I want you to know... that it's okay to be a changeling," she said.

Salad forks suddenly stopped moving. The silence in the room was deafening. Crystal Hoof's body shivered in fear.

"W-what? B-but, I'm n-not..." he said, tears in his eyes. It looked like he was ready to fall apart.

"We already know," said Princess Cadance. "You seem to be able to give love as well as you receive it, and nopony here has been harmed by you. I have the ability to see love made manifest, so I know it must be true."

"On the contrary, we have been blessed by your service," said Shining Armor. "Like Rarity said, as long as you're not here spying for Chrysalis, we're fine with you being a part of our herd."

Crystal Hoof began to cry. "I... I'm so s-sorry."

"Shh," said Rarity. "I'm sure you can feel that we still love you, can't you?"

My heart went out to him, and that inner compassion surprised me. Journal, I saw what the changelings did to my family... but you can't see Crystal Hoof in pony and not pity him. He's adorable, he's vulnerable, and he's clearly loyal to these new friends he's made. Nopony could be that good of an actor, not even a changeling. Maybe love really can change anything. Friendship is such a powerful, magical force. I just wish it weren't made so filthy and disgusting by sex.

"Absolutely. You're welcome among us," said Flash Sentry.

"I'm afraid we can't let you leave us for the time being, because it would be very dangerous if anypony found out about the existence of vamponies," said Shining Armor, with a brief frown. "I don't want you to think we don't accept you for who you are, but we need to find a better way to share our gifts with you. Princess Luna has been working on that in her spare time, and I'm sure the other princesses will be happy to join her. But if you did leave, could we trust that you would keep our plans secret?"

Crystal Hoof looked toward Shining Armor with his head downcast and ears laid back, and nodded his head. "I don't know much about what the vampony thing means, but I know it would be dangerous to tell anypony else. I promise I'll keep it a secret. Oh, and don't worry about it being weird. You're not even that scary compared to most other changelings I know," he said, then he turned toward Princess Cadance with his ears laid even flatter in shame. "I'm really sorry for what my brothers did to you all. Especially Queen Chrysalis. I wish they could learn how much better it is to share love than to steal it. I'm not loyal to them anymore, but I still want to help them, someday."

"Crystal Hoof, I'm sure we'll find a way to help your brothers someday," I volunteered, not wanting to miss the opportunity to make an impression on him. "I'm very happy you've been able to learn how to share love with others! I only wish this were a normal situation where you could learn more about the magic of friendship without all the inappropriate sex confusing you."

Crystal Hoof giggled. "It's okay, I really like the sex! Even though I don't quite understand it," he replied. "Changelings... we're a little different that way. It's kind of complicated."

I noticed Luna smiling as she surreptitiously wiped a tear from her eye. Then, Princess Cadance stood up and cleared her throat, drawing everypony's attention.

"I need to be blunt about something, Crystal," she said.

"It's... um, actually it's Thorax," said the changeling. "But you can call me Crystal Hoof if you like it better!"

Cadence smiled briefly. "Thorax it is, then. As I was saying, I can tell that you've been able to share love with others, and it fills my heart with hope. Even so, I don't trust you yet," she said. "It is very difficult for me to accept something like this after what your people did to my husband and family. However, my heart is always open to change, and I very much desire for what you're saying to be true. I believe in the power of Love, Thorax. It won't be easy for me, but in time, I hope the two of us will grow to be good friends."

Moon Black nodded repeatedly. "Hear, hear," he offered. "Thorax, if you wish, you could reveal your hatchform to us."

"You're not obligated to if you're not comfortable with it, dear," said Rarity.

Thorax (or is he still 'Crystal Hoof' when he's in this form?) closed his eyes. "I, um... I'd rather wait, if that's okay. I don't want to spoil your dinner any more than I already have. Oh! That reminds me, I need to get back to the soup!" He deftly kissed Rarity on the cheek, then galloped out of the room.

"Thorax is really a changeling?" asked Pip with a broad smile, as Luna finally helped him into his seat. "They're scary."

"Indeed. Perhaps he will make a fun and scary friend," said Luna, retaking her seat.

"Oh, Princess Twilight? You have a really cute butthole," said Pipsqueak, suddenly directing his attention my way. "And, um, there's somethin' in your butt. It looks pretty, but it's kinda gross." Everypony around the table was smiling except for me.

I gritted my teeth as I poured vinegar onto my salad. "I'm sorry, Pip. You shouldn't need to see something that perverse. Especially not at your age."

"It's okay Princess! I like gross stuff. I'm a colt," he said.

"Young ponies see anuses in public every day, Twilight," said Rarity. "There is nothing 'gross' about yours, as far as I'm concerned. You should show it off with pride."

"The only reason you're saying that is because you aren't Rarity anymore. Rarity would be completely disgusted by all of this nonsense," I said, as my voice raised both in pitch and volume. "I mean, that name you picked for me? It's just impossible! You aren't the same pony. You cannot be."

"If you don't like your dickname, we can change it," said my brother. "Nothing is finalized, and dicknames are just an informal jape at the moment, anyway. That said, I happen to think 'Toilet Spunkhole' is a beautiful name."

"Toilet. Toilet? How is that sexy in the least?! Are you going to force me to eat feces or something, now?" I nearly shouted.

Immediately, I regretted asking that question. But if the answer were 'yes', at least it would have shored up my resistance to the vamponies.

Shining Armor rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Maybe a little watersports, though."

"That means urine play," said Cadence.

"Also called 'golden showers'," said Rarity, wearing a gentle smile. "Well, being peed on, I mean. There are many other things—"

"See, this is how I know it isn't you inside there anymore! The real Rarity would be nauseated at this disgusting talk." I took an angry bite of salad to stop myself from launching into full lecture mode.

"Oh, Twilight, please! I enjoyed the pleasures of a stallion's urine stream long before I became a vampony," she said. "It's the most sterile thing to come out of the pony body, for goodness' sake."

"Ewwww," said Pip. (Yeah, that's right. The only other pony at the table with any horse sense in them was barely old enough for grade school.)

I tried to quickly swallow a mouthful of salad, and unwittingly took a large sip of wine to wash it down. I remembered the blood was in there after I'd taken the drink, but it wasn't like I could taste it. The alcohol was comforting, even if it was mostly placebo effect at the moment.

Just then, Pipsqueak, um... "broke wind". It was a tiny little squeak, but it was unmistakeable. Princess Luna and Shining Armor chuckled. Pip blushed and cowered in embarrassment.

To my surprise, Rarity recoiled in distaste. "My Stars! We are at a formal dinner, young Pipsqueak," she said, frowning.

"S-sorry," he said, his ears flat.

"It is fine, Pip," said Luna. "In the future, I can show you a trick to prevent the sound when you must do such a thing, so as not to disturb other ponies. We will discuss it tonight, before bed."

"Although with our enhanced senses, we'll always know anyway," said Princess Cadence, with a shrug. She took a long gulp of wine. "Mmm. Rarity, thank you for your donation this evening. Your blood is most invigorating."

"Wait just a minute," I said. "Let me get this straight. Micturition is fine, but flatuses are bad? I'm not expecting this to make any sense, of course, but can you try to explain?"

Rarity blinked a few times. "Based on the conversation so far and my knowledge of my good friend Twilight Sparkle, I will assume that 'micturition' refers in some way to passing urine, and the word 'flatuses' refers to passing gas," she said. "To answer your question: neither is worse than the other, Twilight. The difference is context. If somepony stood on the table and started urinating right now, I would be absolutely appalled. This is a semi-public gathering. It isn't an appropriate venue for sexual venting unless we intentionally decide to engage in that kind of behavior. Even then, mental preparation is key to enjoyment."

"Context? Are you actually saying that the act of urinating on somepony magically becomes 'okay' when it's associated with sex?" I looked around the room. Several ponies were nodding. I'm sure the disbelief was obvious on my muzzle.

"Lady Rarity is correct, Twilight," said Mayor Mare. "Sex does, in fact, turn disgusting things into beautiful things."

"But you have seen this yourself, Twilight, have you not?" asked Shadowbane. "I am informed that you have learned to engage in sexual acts over the past few weeks to which you previously would have found repugnant."

I reflexively tensed my anus, suddenly remembering that metal plug in my butt. A month ago I'd have been distraught by the very idea, but... it felt kind of nice. Shadowbane was correct.

"That... okay, I admit it. That actually makes some sense," I said. "But it only illustrates how sex confuses everypony into doing unnatural and illogical things."

"Sex is natural, Twilight," said Flash Sentry. "And a lot of fun things are illogical, like humor for one. It's okay to enjoy things like these as long as they aren't dangerous."

"This is a good line of conversation. Ask more questions, Sis," said Shining Armor. "Let us help you understand."

"Huh. Well, I guess I'll assume for the sake of argument that you aren't completely insane, even though I don't believe that," I admitted. "Let's start with the idea of context itself. Obviously, as a non-vampony I understand the idea of appropriateness of situation. But you vamponies are always fucking—oh gosh. I forgot about Pip," I said, and winced. "I'm very sorry, Pipsqueak. This conversation is not for foals. You really shouldn't be here."

"It's okay Princess Twilight! I know what 'fucking' means," he said, and giggled at his own obscenity.

"We're not always fucking, Twily. How would we get anything done?" asked my brother. "I mean, we do it more frequently than we used to, sure, but not that much more frequently. Maybe twice as often... or a little more. Three times, tops."

"But, with many more individuals," added Shadowbane.

"Many more," added Flash, with a rakish smile. "But there's always room for another." He winked, and my face immediately felt flushed.

"It's kind of like being married to everypony," said Cadance. "Not in terms of commitment or personal closeness, but in terms of love and how it is expressed. We can be a little 'hoovesy' in general even when we aren't fucking, but that's really no different from locker-room behavior, for the most part."

"If that's true, why have you been doing it around me all the time?" I asked.

"Well, we were hoping if you saw how loving your family had become, you'd be willing to try it out for yourself," said Shining Armor. "Obviously, this hasn't worked out the way we planned. If you have any ideas on how to pull yourself out of your own shell, we're definitely open to them."

Brother's voice was playful rather than sarcastic. I planted a hoof over my face, mainly to avoid laughing out loud.

Thorax returned to the room with the mane course. It looked like a thick, hearty vegetable stew. I could smell dandelions, sunflowers, and saffron, and I suddenly realized how hungry I was.

"Ooh!" said Pipsqueak, clopping his hooves against the table.

"Perhaps comfort food will help ease the tone of our conversation," said Moon Black. "I am sure Twilight has many more questions about our kind."

I took a moment to inhale the stew's aroma as Thorax placed it in front of me. "Oh, this smells delicious," I said.

"Thorax, go get another chair and set it here between the Mayor and I. You will be eating with us, and that is final," she ordered.

"Yes, Lady Rarity," he replied, blushing.

"Quite curious. Do changeling ponies need to eat?" asked Shadowbane.

"Oh, we like to! It isn't essential as long as we get enough love, but food still tastes good to us," said Thorax. "If we're not getting enough love, it helps sustain us, but it won't work forever. We need love a lot more than food, and almost as much as water." He trotted off and quickly returned with a chair.

I set my salad aside and ate several spoonfuls of stew, slightly burning my tongue but not caring in the slightest. "Wow. This is amazing! Thorax, you should be a cook. I'm serious," I said. "I'm surprised this isn't your cutie... ah, right. Nevermind."

"Thanks! The secret ingredient is love," he said, and grinned. "Um, but not really. It's just a figure of speech."

"Twilight, would you like to continue with questions?" asked Shining Armor. "Like you said before, just pretend we're not crazy."

Thorax trotted off to the kitchen and returned with a chair, which he placed at the obtuse angle of the rhombus adjacent to Rarity.

I paused in thought, until the most obvious question came to mind. "On several occasions you've tried and failed to explain to me why you're doing all of this: assaulting ponies, turning your friends and family into vamponies, and attempting to overthrow Princess Celestia and cause an upheaval in the entire social order," I said. "Walk me through the deranged mentality. Are you just so horny you can't think straight?"

"First and foremost," said Princess Luna with a look of surprise, "We are not 'overthrowing' my sister. That is beyond preposterous."

"Excepting Pipsqueak and Crystal—er, Thorax, rather—it's taken everypony in this room just to cover for Auntie's absence!" said Princess Cadance, with a bright laugh. "And we've still done a substandard job. She rules Equestria for a reason, Twilight."

"Wait, you thought we were trying to take over Equestria?" said Shining Armor. He sighed and put his head in his hooves. "Right. Of course you did. We bucked this up royally. Er, pun not intended."

(Pip gasped, and I sensed that 'bucked' was a naughtier word than 'fucking' to a vampony foal. I'd seen this before with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, though.)

"BBBFF, you have Princess Celestia in chains in the Crystal Kingdom! What else am I supposed to think? And how do you expect to bring about this new social order if she's still running Equestria and she opposes it?" I asked.

"Temporary setback, sweetie. She won't oppose us for much longer," said Rarity. "The wolf can be very persuasive."

"My sister will listen to reason," said Luna. "She just needs some time to think about things, and a little guidance. Before my banishment, she would have leaped at the opportunity to bring about the social changes we envision. Once Cadance goes to speak with her, I'm certain she'll come around."

"You told me that leaders are usually cunts. If she's a cunt, she can't lead," I said.

Shadowbane swallowed a bite of stew and tapped his glass with a hoof. "Friends, when Twilight and I spoke earlier, it appeared she was of the mistaken belief that 'Master' in some way signifies a pony is more important, or 'superior' to others. She does not seem to appreciate the true nature of our relationships."

"Cunts are every bit as important as Masters," said Shining Armor, blowing gently on a spoonful, waiting for it to cool. "Why would you think that?"

I was taken aback, and I'm sure it showed. "Uh, maybe because you're controlling everything? You think stallions need to tell mares what to do. How is that not acting like you're superior?"

"That's what cunts need us to do. It's in your nature. It's something you want to happen," said Flash Sentry.

"But that doesn't mean we throw away Celestia's centuries of experience and impressive skill set," said Shining Armor. "She should be the one to rule."

"However, the extent of her rule should apply neither in the bedroom, nor in mundane daily affairs which do not require her expertise," said Moon Black.

I dropped my spoon into the stew and sat there with my mouth open for a few quiet seconds. My eyes darted back and forth over empty space as I ran through my checklist of implausibles. "Wait, no. That doesn't comport with the way you've been behaving at all! I mean, when we had that other dinner, you know, the one you all went batshit insane..."

Pip gasped again, and giggled. Moon Black glared at me, and Shadowbane spoke toward him. "I am certain she does not mean it in a racist sense, Moon."

"...right, I'm sorry. It's an old expression that has nothing to do with nightwings," I said, instantly feeling uncomfortable (Moon Black seemed to calm down, at least). "But at that dinner, you tried to get me to have sex with you, you blamed mares for society's ills, and... you literally said 'Applejack needs a good stallion to correct her', or something very close to that. Where did all that come from?"

Shining Armor winced. "This might be hard to believe, but... well, we kind of forgot what it was like to be 'normal'," he explained. "At the time, we assumed you understood what we meant. Once it became clear you didn't, we actually had a hard time figuring out what you thought we were trying to tell you."

"Initial exposure to the wolf makes one grow a bit disconnected from reality," said Princess Luna. "Even removal of the stain does this. It is hard at first to remember what it is like to be restrained by pointless moral codes. Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor had only recently been turned, and they started to believe that their point of view was manifest to all."

"We didn't understand your resistance," said Cadance. "We were caught off guard, but we figured it didn't matter because you were trapped in the Crystal Kingdom with us and eventually you'd agree to taste the wolf, just to see what it's like."

"I'm going to need time to think about this," I said. "But the fact that Celestia and I are prisoners suggests you're still insane. There's no possible way this will end well."

"It will," said Flash. "Once you both taste the wolf, or even experience a hint, you'll join us. It's neigh-certain."

I shook my head. "Look, guys... your logic has been corrupted so badly, I don't know if you realize how nuts that sounds."

"You do have a point, Twilight. It's sadly ironic that having your mental faculties compromised can lead to the inability to detect that your mental faculties are compromised," said Mayor Mare. "However, I must agree with the others. Once you experience this, you'll know it's right. It isn't just a good feeling, it's knowing that you can provide that feeling to others."

"So, fine. It's a drug. It's, like, sex to the nth power or something. You're doing whatever makes your tits and dicks feel good, and not even realizing how much this need controls you or threatens to damage society," I pointed out, then quickly gobbled several bites of stew. (It was truly succulent, Journal. Who would expect a changeling could cook so well?)

"Twily, you know I'm not a sensation seeker," said Shining Armor. "Mom's the only one in our family who likes physical thrills. This is not about how my dick feels. It's about how my heart feels. I feel more love now than I've ever felt in my life... and I married the Princess of Love, for crying out loud." He cracked a smile, and Cadance leaned over to nuzzle his neck.

I sighed. "I get the idea, but I can't trust that even a hint of the wolf isn't going to screw my brains up forever. If everypony changes their minds when they do it, and I can't imagine changing mine, it feels like you're asking me to die and be reborn as somepony I'm not," I said. "Could I talk to Celestia about this? I have questions I need to ask her, anyway. In pony, I mean, not by mail. I need to see her face."

"I'm not sure how we can do that," said Cadance. "We can't take you to the Crystal Kingdom with that thing on your horn. If you get loose and tell everypony about what we are, we could wind up dead. Ponies aren't always rational when it comes to change, and doubly so when we appear to be mythical monsters."

"Could we trust you?" asked Flash Sentry. "I mean, would you keep all of this secret for us?"

I stared into space for a moment, then nodded. "Yes," I said. "I just want to talk to Celestia, that's all. Even if you can't convince us, I can promise you not to tell anypony. Then Celestia and I can work with you, to find a mutually acceptable solution."

"I want to believe you, Twilight. I really do. But the stakes are far too high," said Shining Armor.

"We could use the truth serum on her," said Moon Black, between bites of stew.

"I fear it would not work on a pegacorn," said Luna.

Just then, my brother's eyes lit up. "Wait! I think I know a way," he said. "We'll ask Applejack. If anypony could tell, she could."

"Horsecrap... I completely forgot about her," I said, with a dark look on my face. "You'd damn well better be treating her well."

"Luna, can I say horsecrap and damn?" Pipsqueak asked.

"No, and I am going to swat your bottom for using those words," she said, and playfully slapped Pip's butt with her hoof.

"Owww!" said Pipsqueak, whining loudly, then he opened his eyes. "Oh. I guess it didn't hurt any."

"Applejack is perfectly fine," said Cadance. "But she's back in Ponyville now. I'll need to send a note for her to come to Canterlot."

"I'm leaving for Ponyville right after the, ahem, 'event' we have planned for tomorrow," said Rarity, with a sly smile. "I'll arrive tomorrow evening, and Applejack can take the first train back here. She should be at the castle the following afternoon."

"You don't mind waiting a couple more days, do you?" asked Flash Sentry, leaning forward so our muzzles almost touched. I had to shut my eyes to avoid getting lost in his.

How could I say no to that?

Oh, right: I can't say no because I'm a prisoner (ha ha). Jokes aside, I think I'm okay with this. I can Pinkie Promise to keep everything mum until I've had a chance to speak with Celestia in pony. Since my brother sounds slightly less insane now, that much is not a problem.

Of course, I also have no problem breaking her out of her holding cell right after we've had a chat. Once this thing is off my horn, I'll be unstoppable. I've been spending a lot of idle moments thinking about how to get around teleportation shields and knockout drugs. Princess Twilight Sparkle isn't about to fall for the same trap twice. Then again, I'm not entirely certain why I fell for some of this in the first place, but Brother and Flash may have been right about my psychology working against me.

Moon above, save me from myself...

There was dessert, but I was so exhausted I asked to be excused. Flash and Rarity also excused themselves so they could accompany me back to that lovely suite.

I've finally finished writing this entry. Rarity and Flash Sentry asked if they could sleep with me and cuddle, and I agreed with them as long as they don't try to stimulate me or themselves sexually (unless I start doing it, in which case I give up and we can have sex). I'm not even certain you can cuddle non-sexually, but I desperately need to be close to them for reasons I still don't fully understand. I'm seriously not looking forward to doing therapy on myself tomorrow. Whatever has been making me play this game poorly is darker than I want to admit.

Rarity said I could keep the toy inside me overnight—apparently it's really-well lubricated and it shouldn't hurt me. I seriously considered her offer. Unfortunately, it still creeps me out a little, mostly because it has Brother's cutie mark on it. So she showed me how to remove it without hurting myself. It was a little gross (only just a little, though) and needed to be cleaned, which took all of ten seconds.

Due to the heat capacity of metal and its thermodynamic proximity to my body temperature from the long period of equilibrium, it exited my ponut very warm to the t—oh no. Dammit, Rarity! Ick, ick, ick!

That's why the toy Spike had was so warm after he came out of the bathroom! And naturally, Pinkie took the same freaking plug and shoved it right up my ass. Yes, you read it right: I've had a 'toy' that came from deep up inside my little brother's butt, a place no toy whatsoever belongs, all the way up my butt.

Oh, that is just bucking wonderful. I feel so close to him now Journal. It's like we're "butt-buddies", which would be just like soul-mates, except with our butts. Maybe Rarity can make a double-ended plug so we can wear the same toy at the same—no, no, I'd better not give her ideas, even ridiculous ones.

(If it isn't coming across, that was intended as heavy sarcasm.)

Day 58 (Oneiros Interruptus)

This is the last Day 58 entry, I swear. (This confusing mess has been the longest day of my life. It feels closer to a year than a single day.)

Technically it's not even Day 58, but as I mentioned before I'm basing "Day" on sleep cycle. So it will be Day 59 now that I just woke up.

This time I don't remember what I was dreaming about when Princess Celestia pulled me into her dreamspace. The scene was oddly vacant: a grey, featureless floor that stretched to infinity, chilly air, dim lighting, and nothing else but her and me.

"Hello, Twilight. I hope you're well?" Celestia seemed normal, except one corner of her lip was twitching.

I shrugged. "As well as can be expected. I'm glad to see you, though. I wanted to talk to you about a number of things. Um... why is everything here so dismal?"

Celestia closed her eyes. "My mood is not upbeat enough to manufacture a pleasant setting, I fear."

"Oh, gosh... I'm so sorry." I felt a painful lurch deep in my gut.

"It's fine, Twilight. I haven't lost hope, I'm just in poor spirits," she said. "I took the liberty of reading about what you did yesterday. I know about the dinner and what the vamponies have told you recently."

"Maybe they're not totally insane after all, but having the stain removed and being turned both force you to see things from a very different perspective," I said. "They think this is why they acted so crazy and out of character initially. It seems like a stretch, but my limited experiences with sexuality confirm the theory that sex can change your perspective on what is and is not rational."

"I'm not surprised this would happen. For mortal ponies, the lust of being a vampony must be very difficult to manage. Even normal sexuality is overwhelming and causes more harm than good," she said.

"I need to ask you something important," I said. "The last time we met, you said you didn't know what had caused the vampony curse. But according to Luna, you both discovered the magical bacteria together."

Princess Celestia took a deep breath. "That's because I removed my memory of the vamponies, Twilight. With Sombra banished, it seemed the vampony menace would be gone forever," she said. "I was having a hard time dealing with the loss of my sister, so I locked selected memories away. Primarily, I forgot that we were the ones who created the first vamponies, and I also forgot a few—but not most—of the details of what I did to change society after Luna's banishment. It was very difficult dealing with my emotions after I banished Luna. My emotions were the enemy, in a manner of speaking. The stain helped, but it wasn't enough, so I went a little further with myself. I'm sure you assumed I would have tested the stain on myself before inflicting it on other ponies. And even though I've gone further with buttressing my own mind against arousal, I still feel tempted."

That doesn't sound healthy, I thought. I decided against saying it, though. Of course, she'll read this anyway. It's hard when a pony I care so much about has a constant window to my soul (no offense, Celestia).

I cleared my throat and scratched a hoof against the unreal flooring. "So, um, I wanted to talk to you..."

"I know. I read about the dinner," said Celestia. "Twilight, I appreciate that you care for your friends. It is only natural that you want to see them as morally upright ponies, even when they're deeply engaged in sickness."

"Well, maybe we should be negotiating with them?" I asked. "They realized a long time ago the plan to 'turn everypony into vamponies' wasn't going to work unless they did it very slowly, so we have plenty of time to lecture some sense into them. Maybe there's a way to work this out so both sides are happy."

Celestia's brow furrowed. "Twilight, don't you want your friends to return to normal?"

I opened my mouth to speak, then paused for a moment in thought. "Yes and no," I said. "I want things to return to normal, but... I'd like to be closer to them. I'd like to be able to be intimate with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and maybe even all of my friends. There has to be a compromise."

Princess Celestia placed a hoof over her face and sighed, then sat down on the gray 'floor'. "You only feel that way because you've been infected with the need to be intimate with them. If you're psychologically healthy, you'll feel close to your friends without needing to engage in any strange activities."

I followed her lead and sat down next to her. "It feels nice to be close to them, though..."

"Once this is done, I can fix you so you won't have such a strong impulse," said Celestia. "The stain wasn't enough. Ponies are still driven by their baser needs in a way that makes them weak and prone to irrational decisions."

"Emotions aren't the enemy, Celestia."

"I agree, and I'm not saying sex doesn't have its place. But restricting sex to particular situations helps keep it special. We need to find a way to alleviate the problems in society that your brother highlighted without making sex open and reckless," said Celestia.

"Then what's our plan? Do you want me to free you when I escape, which Luna seems to think is inevitable? Should I try to spread the word about the vamponies?" I asked.

"Obviously freeing me should be your highest priority—although I am biased," she said with a soft smile. "I think we should spread the word, yes. I doubt there will be casualties, given how strong the vamponies are, and how Shining Armor and Cadance and Princess Luna command respect across two kingdoms. It sounds like they would admit to being vamponies if it became public knowledge. Then they would be forced to free me, and we could begin the search for a cure, both mental and physical."

"I'm worried it won't turn out that way. If anypony finds out, the citizens would have good cause to revolt. They respect non-vampony leaders. They would probably view my friends like changelings: false versions of the leaders they trust," I pointed out.

"It's the only leverage we have, so we need to use it."

"And you won't compromise with them?" I said. "The longer this has gone on, the more rational they seem to act. Although I have to admit, some of the irrationality may be due to my earlier perceptions. Maybe that first dinner I had wasn't as bad as I made it sound in the Journal..."

"The more rational they seem to act. They are probably just learning to disguise their true motives better. I cannot have you doubting yourself," said Celestia. "You were right to resist them, and I need you now more than ever. Spike needs you even more."

That hit me where it hurt. I winced, then nodded. "So you're saying you're not willing to compromise at all, I guess."

Celestia sighed again. "Well... I don't know. I've considered compromise. Fluttershy has made a compelling case for the vamponies' side of things. If I thought she were trustworthy, I'd be more open to listening. But I don't want to change what has been a stable and workable social order, even if that change is only for a select few ponies who keep it a closely guarded secret," she said. "The repression I've imposed on myself has been a tremendous boon, Twilight. I have within me... feelings. Inappropriate feelings; feelings that would be devastating should they ever surface. It's part of the curse of living for so many years, one even Luna has not had the time to experience."

Before I could respond, something unusual happened. I felt my body "wrenching apart" (it's impossible to put into words), and my vision changed. It looked like I was viewing the world through a fish-eye lens. The ground seemed rounder, like a large grey sphere. Celestia looked equally surprised.

"What is this?" I asked.

"I don't know, which means it's bad. My sister should not be able to find us here..."

A speck in the distance raced forwards at a gallop, but impossibly quickly. Within seconds, Princess Luna was beside us both. Then the sensation and visual disturbance ended.

"Hyperbolic space," I realized, speaking to Luna. "That's how you entered! You changed the shape of Celestia's self-contained bubble to allow outside access."

Luna smiled. "Correct as usual, Princess Twilight Sparkle."

Princess Celestia squinted darkly, as though concentrating with all her might. She looked more than a little angry.

"Greetings, Sister. I apologize for invading your space, but I am most impressed at your abilities. I previously believed you had no power in this realm," said Luna. "As you cannot travel freely to the dream world, in particular not without the use of your horn, you must have found a way to influence the dream world from within your own bubble. Am I 'warm', as they say?"

"I had a thousand years to practice," said Celestia. "What has happened to us, Luna? Why do you diametrically oppose me without discussion?"

"Celie, I have seen your resistance to anything regarding sexual openness. It would be like talking to a brick wall. I tried on many occasions to bring up topics for discussion which you refused to consider or broach," said Luna. "You should listen to Twilight. We mean you no harm, and do not seek to remove you from your station, if you were under that impression."

"Who rules Equestria is not my concern. The issue is the danger posed by allowing certain ponies to have access to their baser instincts," said Celestia.

"Ponies like you?" asked Luna.

"Ponies like rapists. Like perverts who would do dangerous things for thrills. Like foals who deserve an innocent childhood."

The look on Luna's face was one of obvious pity. "Let Fluttershy show you the wolf, Celie. You will not work against us once you have been freed from your prison."

"Then free me now."

"Sister, you know that your physical cage is not the prison of which I speak."

I coughed loudly. "This is good," I said, "we're talking. Maybe we should start by discussing what we have in common. You both want ponies to be happy and healthy, right?"

"We have nothing further to discuss at this time," said Celestia. Then she grunted as though in pain, and her body simply disappeared.

Luna shook her head. "Twilight, you see what I am dealing with, but in time she will change her mind. Celestia does not wish to face her own feelings," she said, "and in that regard, the two of you share the same flaw. Once Celestia has accepted who she is and what drives her, she will gladly follow the Order."

"You said you wouldn't invade my dreams anymore, and you just broke that promise. Let me sleep," I said. "We can talk about this tomorrow."

"Of course. I apologize for the intrusion," said Luna. "However, though I had suspicions, I did not know whom I was intruding upon until I found the two of you together. Sleep well, Twilight Sparkle."

I don't remember anything else before waking up. Although I feel bad about my former mentor, waking up within the legs of two friends was a very welcome sensation.

Is Celestia right? Is it wrong for me to enjoy this? Maybe I only like it because my brain is screwed up with unmet needs I shouldn't have. All I know is how wonderful I feel, and the fact that I've never felt this way in my life before. Would Celestia try to remove that feeling, or maybe make me feel that way all the time? I'm so lost. I need to figure this out, but I can't do it right now.

Flash Sentry and Rarity both showered as I wrote out this entry. I'm going to shower next. They'll probably want to do something lewd to me. I feel kind of empty at the moment, and I don't know what I'll agree to or shy from.

I hope Celestia is able to compromise with my friends and things are able to return to mostly-normal. I don't feel very hopeful, though.

Day 59 (Gilded Baubles)

Rarity and Flash let me shower in peace, which seemed a little odd. My privacy didn't last long, however.

Right after I toweled off, Flash picked me up in his hooves and took the stance. I was so astonished I couldn't say anything. Rarity smirked at us both as he walked me back into the bedroom and up to the bed. I could feel his erection bumping the loin of my back with each step. He grunted and threw me onto the bed, then both Rarity and Flash jumped on next to me and hugged me.

"What are you doing?" I said, my voice quivering. "Don't you remember last night? You promised to leave me alone sexually!"

"We're not trying to do anything sexual," said Rarity. "We just want to cuddle. You're still okay with that, aren't you?"

I sighed. "I... actually, yes, that would be very nice," I admitted. Moments later, we were all beneath the covers again. I was facing a smiling Flash Sentry, and Rarity hugged me from behind. I hated admitting it to myself, but it felt wonderful to be loved, even in a slightly-perverted way like this.

"Just relax," Flash whispered against my lips. "We love you, Twilight. I know you know it's true."

"I do," I murmured, which unfortunately reminded me of a wedding vow. Even more unfortunately, this sent a little shock through my groin.

"I hope you give in soon," Rarity whispered in my ear. "I, for one, cannot wait to hear all the adorable noises you'll make when cock goes inside that precious body of yours."

"I wish things could be like this without all the disgusting sex," I said. "I actually enjoy being in bed with two other ponies. I know it's wrong, but it seems like this could be innocent if nopony was doing sex things."

"It isn't wrong, and it can be just like this," said Flash. "There's no reason sex has to happen. We can just lie here and cuddle you as long as you like."

"However: keep in mind that your interest in avoiding sex during cuddling is, from our perspective, quite arbitrary," said Rarity. "If you haven't been damaged psychologically by bad sexual experiences, there's no reason to prematurely reject the idea of sex during an intimate encounter."

I closed my eyes. "Is that my problem?" I asked. "Is... is the icky way I feel just because I was approached in the wrong way, and molested? The 'wrongness' seems so natural and real. It's hard to believe my feelings aren't an accurate reflection of morality."

"Well, we didn't feel icky about sex before becoming vamponies..." said Rarity.

"Speak for yourself, Rarity. I'm afraid I did," countered Flash. "That said, you have a point... except 'bad sexual experiences' aren't the only thing that can damage your ability to openly love. Sexual negativity can also be caused by negative views of sex that were ingrained into your psyche as a foal, and by specific social mores which are used to convince ponies that harmless experiences have turned them permanently into suffering victims."

"I don't want to be a victim anymore. I just want the pain to stop," I murmured, but I relaxed into the cuddle anyway. It felt so nice. Ponies, touching me, holding me... for a moment, I almost forgot what a disgusting, repulsive nerd I am.

Wait. Do I really feel that way about myself? Dear Celestia. I... maybe I really do have problems. It might not be the problem the vamponies are trying to convince me I have, but I don't think of myself as attractive. Am I? Could I be? I know Rarity has tried to 'polish' me before, but I don't ever feel pretty, Journal. Is that a part of this curse that plagues me? Do I need to learn to love myself, or see myself in some new way?

I'll need to think about this more later. I have too much to write at the moment.

Flash Sentry began kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my nose. "N-not the lips," I finally said as he leaned in for some mouth-to-mouth contact.

"Why not?" he asked. I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Even if it isn't sex, I'm afraid of falling in love," I said, and I closed my eyes lest my gaze be captured by that Maredusa-like stare of his beautiful baby-blues.

"There's nothing wrong with falling in love," whispered Rarity. "Flash has been a good friend to you, Twilight. Even though you don't know him as well as you do the rest of us, you can trust him to love you in return." She squeezed my barrel gently.

I shut my eyes even tighter. "I'm only supposed to love ONE pony, Rarity. Somepony I'm ready to spend my life with, and I don't have any idea who that is yet."

"There's no need to limit yourself," said Flash, kissing my cheeks until my eyes relaxed a little. "You can love all of your friends."

"B-but I need to be loyal..."

"If your primary partner loves you and wants you to be happy, and if your relationship is solid, they don't need to fear losing you to somepony else," said Rarity. "If you wed Applejack, would you worry you'd lose her if she wanted you to watch her make love to me? Do you think she would stop loving you if you loved me, too?"

"I guess not, but... AJ is special that way. Maybe... I don't know, Rarity. I'm still so confused," I said. "Maybe you're both right and there's nothing wrong with opening yourself to sex, but I'm not comfortable with most of the sex I've seen, even when I've actually enjoyed it."

I paused for a moment, wondering if what I was about to say was a bad idea, but I said it anyway. "I'm scared of sex right now. All of you, my family, my parents—seeing all of this frightens me, and it feels so uncomfortable inside it hurts. The pleasure feels like something that will never be genuine. It's like you're teasing me with something I can never have. I don't know if it's because I don't deserve it, or because I'm incapable of learning."

"Try to trust us, Twilight. We'll teach you at your own pace. You'll grow comfortable with it, I promise," whispered Flash, kissing me on the nose.

"Teach? What do I need to be taught?" I asked. With that, Flash and Rarity climbed off the bed and helped me down.

"The easiest thing to learn would be cock," said Rarity, and Flash nodded. "But I want you to focus, Twilight, so it would help if you let me plug you."

"Ugh. Again, no sex, Rarity."

"This isn't sex, darling. It's sex education. That's a pony of an entirely different color."

I paused in thought. Were they just giving me a clever out so I could say 'yes' to it? It didn't matter. I need sex education, and even if it's from perverts I can still learn something.

"Okay, okay... Wait, 'plug' me?"

Rarity pulled out the 'plug' from last night. "I know it's a little uncomfortable at first, but it will help stretch you so you won't have difficulty with bowel movements. You get a little tearing now and then, don't you?"

"What?! How do you know that?" I asked.

"I can tell from the small tears I've seen back here, darling." Rarity lubed up the plug and gently rubbed it against my pucker. "I'll do this only if it's what you want, though... this is entirely up to you." I didn't move away—I was too curious, and I was hoping it might actually fix the occasional problem I have with painful defecation. Although I used to assume that everypony had the same problem, it makes logical sense: stretch the area, and a simple bowel movement won't hurt so much. Now, my medical knowledge tells me that if the area is stretched too much, a pony would lose the ability to, um... well, pass flatuses without accidentally passing solid waste. Like, right there in public. However, that would need to be a tremendous amount of stretching, which isn't what I'm doing.

I sighed. "Okay, fine. I give you permission," I said, even though I figured she'd probably do it anyway. Still, she didn't press inward until I relented.

I saw Flash Sentry smile, and he petted my mane like a dog. "That's very good, Twilight. You're going to like what we're doing to you," he whispered.

I felt Rarity gently inserting the plug just a half-inch, twisting it, teasing it, then pulling back. She was taking a lot of time.

"Are you teasing me for the fun of it?" I asked. "This isn't supposed to be sexual. Does it need to be slow to work?"

"Yes, it needs to be this way, sweetheart," said Rarity. "Gentle pressure, slow insertion. Just relax and let Mommy do all the work."

(Mommy!? Eh, whatever.)

"Although the teasing is a lot of fun," admitted Flash, with a disarming wink.

After a minute or two of teasing, Rarity said, "Now bear down gently," and I pushed myself open just a little. She began stretching the rim of my anus in tiny movements, and this lasted for another minute or so.

In the meantime, I was lost in Flash Sentry's eyes. I tried not to look, I really did, but just watching him smile at me was so rewarding that I didn't want to look away, and his face got closer to mine so slowly I didn't realize it until our muzzles were touching. He wasn't taking the stance, he was just standing in front of me on all fours and leaning in. We nuzzled. I blushed. It was embarrassing to have my anus played with while a stallion watched me, but... it was different with him. He isn't at all like the other vamponies, Journal. He's still sane, somehow, I'm sure of it. They've just confused him, or something.

Rarity ordered me to bear down harder, which I did, and after another minute or so, she slipped it into me with a pop. It hurt for just a fraction of a second, but once it was inside it felt heavy and solid and nice, like a warm and familiar part of my body. The erotic pressure on my vagina deep inside my body was inescapable, but I knew the sensation would fade over time as I habituated to it.

"Now then! We can begin," said Rarity, after she finished wiping up the excess lubricant around my, um... ponut. She twisted the plug a few times as she did this, which stimulated me. (Why does a pony's butthole feel so good inside, anyway? I mean, it physically feels wonderful, it can't just by my perversion doing this... What could the evolutionary purpose possibly be?)

Flash stood sideways so I was facing his flank, and Rarity guided me into a crouching position. "Let's get to know our good friend Flash, shall we?" she said. I noticed Flash had withdrawn into his sheath again, which was impressive considering how erotic the context of my plug must be. Maybe I'm just not attractive, though.

Rarity guided my hoof to Flash's scrotum. "These are his balls, Twilight."

"I know what 'balls' are, Rarity," I said, rolling my eyes. "You mean his testicles, within his scrotum."

"Of course you know what balls are, but a lovely pair of nuts can seem a bit unreal the first time you feel the heft," she said, pushing up on my hoof. His 'nuts' did have quite a bit of heft to them. I was a little worried about pushing too hard because I've read they can be injured easily, but Rarity seemed to know what she was doing.

"He's freshly showered and scrubbed, but there's still a lovely scent here Twilight," said Rarity, and she leaned in and nuzzled against the pit of the wattle. "Come close and press your muzzle firmly into the recess here. A pony's scent is an important part of who and what they are."

"Eww. That scent is largely the byproduct of bacterial—" I said, and then Rarity shoved my face into Flash's nuts. I heard him chuckling. I was angry for a fraction of a second, but even though the aroma was very light, it overpowered my senses. Rarity's hoof gripped me tightly, preventing me from backing away. I would have been terrified and hurt if she hadn't been entirely right. Something about the scent stirred something deep within me, and I immediately felt closer to Flash than ever.

It's sick, I know. But it was wonderful. (Even though this was clearly only for teaching purposes, Journal.)

Finally, Rarity released her grip and I pulled back and gasped. "I... I—okay, that was... different," I said, panting. "There must be some primal association with scent that Celestia covered up..."

"The sense of olfaction is the most detailed sense in the pony body," said Flash. "We can recognize more than a billion different scents." (I never pegged him for a brain, Journal, but wow! Flash keeps on getting better. Ugh, look at me, swooning like a silly schoolfilly. I should be ashamed of myself.)

"I had no idea it was that complicated," I said. "I know scent is intimately tied to memory and—" I said, and promptly shut up as Rarity mashed my muzzle up against the crook between Flash's sac and thigh. I struggled against her grip, but only for a moment.

Something about the smell was heavenly.

"This is my favorite spot," whispered Rarity. "Spicy, but sweet, and very aromatic. Don't you think?"

She released her grip, and I lingered there for a few moments. I was—and I regret writing this, but it's the truth—tempted to taste him. I know how sick that is, Journal. It's nothing but body oils and bacteria, but it felt so personal, and my mind was beginning to open up wide to perversion.

Finally, I pulled my head out from beneath Flash, panting gently. "It's... it's too much," I gasped. "This is perverse."

"You like my scent, Twilight," said Flash, not as a question but as a statement of fact; almost like a command.

I nodded meekly. "I don't understand," I said, at a loss for a better explanation for my actions.

"The odors and flavors of intimate parts of the body are distinct," said Rarity. "They identify diet, but they also identify specific ponies. Most mares and fillies can tell the difference between all ponies, while most stallions and colts can only differentiate between females—all males smell very similar to them. This is evolutionary biology set to support a polyamorous collective, which is the natural state of affairs for equines."

"Please don't push me down on him again," I said. "I appreciate the lesson, but... I'm going to lose it and start doing disgusting things if you keep forcing me to experience them."

"Aww," said Flash, frowning. I actually felt bad for not sucking his filthy nuts into my mouth. (Okay, they were actually perfectly clean, or at least as clean as such things can get, but everything about sex seems filthy, doesn't it?)

Rarity smiled and knelt next to me. "As you wish, dear. Here, feel them a moment on your own," she said, raising my hoof to make contact with his balls, then releasing it. My hoof trembled, worried that I might hurt him just by touching them, without Rarity to guide me again.

"You can't hurt them unless you slap them or squeeze them hard," he said, craning his neck down between his forelegs so he could watch. "Don't worry. They like being touched."

I squeezed them gently. They felt warm and soft, with a firm but pliable pleathery skin protecting them. My pulse quickened. I saw Flash's sheath thicken, and without hesitating I placed my muzzle to the opening and inhaled while I had the chance (because I knew what was about to happen next). The scent was different still, but somehow still 'him' in nature. I managed to pull back my muzzle just in time before his flared penis head (cockhead?) emerged into view, and the rest of his cock quickly dropped like a large, floppy leg curved toward the floor.

"Very good, Twilight!" said Rarity, and I blushed. Being praised like a dog felt nice inside. Is this what it's like to be broken, I wondered?

"Hope you don't mind if I flash my sentry, Twilight?" said Flash.

I laughed out loud. "That's terrible." I examined the twitching member, and my brow furrowed in thought. "It's actually not as big as I thought it'd be," I said, and promptly received a gentle but firm whap to the back of my head. Turning my head, I could see Rarity was furious.

"What was that about?!" I said.

"That is NOT how you talk about a stallion in his presence!" said Rarity, glaring at me.

Flash Sentry chuckled. "It's fine. I know I'm not nearly as gifted as your brother, but I'm still above average."

"No, it's not you," I said. "I think... I think I just envisioned that cocks were as large as a pony's leg because the idea of being near one terrified me. Now that I'm willing to take the time to look at one and think about it, I see it's something that could actually fit. I mean, into my mouth, not that it's supposed to go there."

"Oh, it's definitely supposed to go there," said Flash, grinning.

Rarity calmed down. "Penis is supposed to fit into your holes, Twilight. Your brother is a bit on the large side of things, which is why it's critical to stretch that beautiful asscunt of yours. Someday you'll want to experience the pleasure of having a large stallion rutting your derriere like a wild pig."

"Or a wild pig rutting your derriere like a stallion," joked Flash. "But you don't need to stretch it to take a pig."

(I'm fairly certain he was just joking.)

I could smell the scent of Flash's cock, and it was as disgusting as it was strangely pleasant. Something was stirring within me and I knew I was hooftipping the line between education and sex, so I resisted leaning further. I was actually tempted to kiss it, almost like I was falling in love not with Flash, but with that alien-looking flared tip of his gorgeous...

Wait.

I'm not falling in love with Flash, and his dick isn't "gorgeous". Let me get those straight.

"Now try a taste," said Rarity.

"This is too close to sex for me, Rarity. I appreciate what you're... whoa," I said, as Flash's penis lifted up and hardened in front of me. It slapped once against his belly. I don't know if he had any control over that, and part of me found it erotic that his cock might have a mind of its own, deep within those churning balls. And his balls did appear to be 'churning', as gross as that sounds: the flesh was twisting a little against them, and I wondered if this was a vampony thing.

"Heh, sorry," said Flash. "I can't help it when I have two beautiful mares inspecting me like this. Do you want to watch me slap off?"

"Is that the same as jacking off?" I asked.

"No hooves, wings, or magic," said Flash. "It's a common way earth pony colts pleasure themselves."

"You know, as much as I'm fond of the 'flash your sentry' joke, I think your dickname is lovelier," Rarity interjected.

"Gash Entry? I'm not sure. I'm thinking of changing it to 'Flesh Entry'. It doesn't make much sense to call me Gash... not that I'm opposed to getting my ass rutted," he said. "But speaking of lovelier," he added, reaching down to pet my cheek.

I leaned back and stood up. "You don't have to lie. I know I'm not beautiful," I said. "And this is starting to get to close to sex for me."

"You have to be kidding?" said Flash. "Dear Celestia, Twilight. You're so pretty."

Rarity sighed. "The poor dear has no idea," she said. "Once you start having sex, Twilight, you'll learn how beautiful you are. You really need to learn to love yourself if you want to learn to love others."

"If you say so," I said, trying not to look her in the eyes.

"If you've reached your discomfort limit with my junk, maybe you should take a look at Rarity's privates," said Flash. "I'm guessing you're not familiar with the details of female anatomy back there, given how reluctant you've mentioned being around your own sexual urges?"

Rarity turned around and craned her neck to the side, smiling. "It won't bite, Twilight. Just take a good look, and get as close as you feel comfortable."

I winced, worried about the experience, but leaned in anyway to inspect. I had always seen vulvas and anal ridges as something ugly, but I was starting to realize there was a hidden beauty here.

Rarity was immaculate, naturally. Her scent was barely detectable, probably because she'd just washed, but I'd always thought mares were pretty much disgusting all the time down there. My biases had kept me from seeing things as they truly were, for all these years.

I wasn't about to touch her, but I looked over her ridges. The pink head of her clitoris winked into view, and the tip resembled a tiny flared cockhead. It was—and I'm probably perverted beyond reason at this point, but I'm still writing it—simply adorable.

It was decorated, as well. Rarity had a gold piercing through the underside with a very tiny loop and ball that hung down in front of her clit. It seemed to be utilitarian: bumping near the area would send pressure directly into the head of her clitoris.

Flash Sentry held up my hoof near Rarity's vulva and smiled. "Do you feel that heat? It means she wants you, Twilight," he said. "If she's hungry enough, her pussy will feel like a calf eating oats from your hoof." (Speaking of heat, I could tell I was blushing hotter than a brush fire.)

"I... Okay, it's pretty in a way, and it doesn't smell that bad. It's even kind of pleasant," I said, then backed away. "Thank you for the experience." I cleared my throat loudly and tried not to make eye contact.

Before Rarity could turn around, Flash grabbed her rump. "I know you're afraid of new experiences, Twilight, but I think I can help with this one." I watched as he kissed and nuzzled her ponut (yes, you read that right), licked at her anus (I can't believe I'm writing this), then sucked on her clit. Then he mashed his face up against her vulva like he was going to muzzle-fuck it, and for a moment I thought he was.

I wanted to look away, but I stood there, transfixed. I was barely aware of what was happening when something very new came abruptly to my attention.

Flash turned, gently held the back of my head in one hoof, and kissed me. He Prench-kissed me, long vampony tongue slipping deep into my muzzle, coiling around my own tongue... forcing me to taste the flavor of Rarity's loins.

My heart pounded in my chest. I didn't have the willpower to break the kiss, but fortunately Flash was a gentlecolt about it (well, so to speak). After a moment he pulled back and licked his muzzle clean with that impossibly-long tongue.

"Okay, I'm calling this off. Too much sex, education time is over. P-please," I said, backing away.

Flash looked hurt. "I'm sorry, Twilight. We appreciate you telling us when to stop, though. You should have control over your immersion for now."

For now.

"Come with me, Twilight," said Rarity, trotting to the door. Flash picked up the rubber portion of my outfit (the one that wrapped around my genitals and anal ridge) and inhaled deeply like he was in love with it. I blushed and followed Rarity out of the room.

"Well, that was a world of gross," I said as Rarity walked me down the hallway.

"Oh, you loved it," said Rarity. "You can't hide yourself from us, you know." She turned around to flash me a fangy grin.

"The constant buzzing on my horn isn't helping your accuracy," I pointed out as she turned back around.

Moments later, we reached the dining room. Crystal Hoof (Thorax, still in crystal pony form) was loading heavy wooden boxes onto the table. Some of the boxes were already opened, revealing a wide variety of beautiful accessories. Princess Luna stood nearby.

"I must apologize for my early arrival, Rarity. I am wet with anticipation," she said. "Also, urine." There was a brief pause. "That was an attempt at humor."

I chuckled, despite myself.

"It seems to have amused one of us," quipped Rarity, giving me a comically exaggerated look of disapproval.

"It is essentially true, however," added Luna, and this time Rarity was the one who laughed.

"Well, let me see here," she said, reaching into one of the boxes that hadn't been fully unloaded. "Ah! Here are your new accessories, Luna," she said, and retrieved a gorgeous set of polished lapis lazuli accessories, embellished with silver.

I can't really do justice to them in text, but they're incredible. The breastplate appears to be one solid piece of lapis, which is impossible given its size. The joining between pieces is seamlessly hidden. It's a dark blue with lighter blue marbling throughout. The edges are all silver, and there's a silver moon on the front. It's definitely a step up from Luna's old breastplate (and even the white gold one she was wearing at the time Rarity showed me the new items).

"Oh, wow. You're so beautiful Lady Princess Luna!" said Thorax, eyes shining. Luna smiled and gently petted Thorax's head.

"Simply amazing. I can't believe what I'm seeing," I said. "Though, shouldn't the edges be tinted yellow?"

Rarity shook her head. "No, for two reasons. First of all, the lapis already marks Luna as an emancipated Lady, so the edging can be done in any material," she explained. "Second, I believe we've been too strict with the materials. Lady Luna clashes terribly in anything with a yellow tint to it. Silver is 'her', regardless as to the nature of her station, so she should not strictly require gilded baubles. Pinkie and I are currently hashing out plans for loosening up the material restrictions by adding other hidden markers. Except for marble, of course: marble is temporary, and black-and-white marbling goes well with anything."

As though to accentuate this, Rarity came over and fondled my marble accessories. "Simply beautiful, though not as beautiful as the cunt beneath them... nor as beautiful as you'll be once you're in a special set of partially oxidized coppers I've been working on," she said. "It's a surprise, however, so don't even ask to see them yet."

"It's okay, I think I can go forever without seeing them," I said with a frown. Rarity looked hurt, and I sighed. "You know what I mean."

"We do," said Luna. "Nonetheless, it remains sad."

Rarity helped Luna out of her armor and into her new accessories. There was a lapis-twisted fake ounckse with silver ring interior, the breastplate I just described, four lapis and silver shoes, a lapis collar with silver edging and coal-black interior furry lining, and four lapis leg cuffs which matched the collar. Additionally, she donned a pair of small (hoof-length) lapis alula clips. Each of Luna's wings twitched when the clip was attached.

I figure it's only a matter of time before they make me wear those horrible things too, but with all the feathers missing from one wing and the fact that I'm not actually a vampony who needs to resist transformation, I suppose it doesn't matter at the moment.

"And those intended for Pip?" asked Luna. Rarity searched over the table and pulled out four tiny granite-textured shoes and four leg bracers with white furry lining. She then went searching through a box to find the matching collar.

"So I guess that means Pip is going to be a Master," I said. "What you're doing to him is horrible."

"Neigh, there is nothing 'horrible' about it. And he shall be a Lady, rather," said Luna. "Though I believe he would like the designation of Pirate instead, at least for the time being."

"He should be a foal."

"He is a foal, Twilight," said Rarity. "He can be both a foal and a Lady at the same time. You simply must stop thinking in just starkly divided terms."

"I intend for you to join us, Princess," said Luna. "You shall observe Pip's first hint of the wolf this evening. I do not think you will be so negative once you see how much he revels in his new station."

Rarity must have caught the aggressive look on my muzzle, because before I could say anything, she interjected, "Twilight, let's not go down that road just now, hm? We have a special guest coming in an hour and Master Shining intends to finally reveal that annoying little secret we've kept from you. Won't that be exciting?"

"I'm sure after all this time it'll just be anticlimactic," I predicted. At this, both mares exchanged a smirk.

So, that was that. Rarity explained a little more about the accessories, but nothing worthy of elaboration that couldn't be gleaned from looking through the glossary and previous deductions. Then I had a small lunch and I'm finishing up this entry before the guest arrives.

Please, please, please don't be Spike. That's all I ask.

Day 59 (Gelded Nobles)

Over the past two days I've tried everything I can think of to get this stupid freaking thing off of my horn. They never leave me alone with sharp implements, I presume because it's cuttable. I can't cut it or scrape it off with my hooves. I can feel the mana crystal underneath the band on the upper side, but squeezing it against the horn only makes it dig into my horn.

Basically, anything that will get it off my horn will probably end up taking my horn off with it, except something razor-sharp that could cut through the band itself and scrape it off of my horn (or just extract the mana crystal). The knives they leave with my meals aren't sharp enough, and the only time I was with a "real" knife was at the big dinner when everypony was watching me.

If I could convince just one vampony to help me I'd be free, but they're all gung-ho about the Order so there isn't a lot of hope there. I think Applejack is my last hope, Journal.

Deep down, though, my heart hasn't been in it. I'm so tired of fighting, and now... now it's even harder, because things are finally starting to make sense. I only have one reservation about the Order remaining, and I fear it will leave me later tonight.

I've got a lot to cover here, so I'd best get to it, Journal.

When Moon Black walked me into the throne room, Princess Luna was seated in her throne and Shadowbane stood beside her. Prince Shining Armor occupied Princess Celestia's seat (horseshoes he could never dream of filling, by the way), and Princess Cadance sat on the floor beside him like a lost puppy. All of them wore a full complement of baubles, except that Cadance's fake horn did not sport an ounckse (and neither did Rarity's).

Shining Armor wore his old Captain's outfit, and Flash Sentry wore something similar only with Crystal Kingdom colors. Luna and Cadance wore smart-looking masculine dresses which matched the same style as the stallions. Rarity wore a secretary's outfit with a skirt cut just short enough to expose her vulva. Shadowbane and Moon Black were naked, like myself. Moon walked me up toward the side of the room, where Flash Sentry stood. Rarity paced about nervously.

"We're about to begin," my brother said to me. "Just watch, Twily. This is something that has been a long time coming."

"Pity Applejack isn't here to see it, but she won't be back until late this evening," said Rarity. She walked three-legged with a clipboard in one hoof.

"Lady Rarity, shut it," ordered Moon Black, and Rarity blushed and smiled.

"I'll never understand that," I said to Flash.

"No, you will," he countered. "But for now, just watch."

I noticed that the other side of the room had a metal tray with something on it, and the red carpet was suspiciously off-colored near the front of the thrones. I pondered trying to throw a wrench into whatever nefarious act they had planned, but I was too curious to seriously consider it. Nothing I could do would save whomever they saw fit to fuck with, anyway.

The doors finally opened, and in walked Prince Blueblood. He looked irate, which is to say he looked fairly normal. Princess Celestia frequently complained about his royal status, because he was... how did Rarity put it? A 'total douche', if I remember correctly. I'd only met him in passing at formal events, but he did always seem stuck-up.

At the moment, he was marching down the red carpet as guards shut the doors behind him, leaving those of us I described as a private audience.

"Just because you are a Prince in a foreign kingdom does not give you the right to summon me whenever you please," complained Blueblood, sauntering slowly up the carpet. "And you soil that throne by letting a cunt sit upon it."

"Princess Luna is a princess and a Lady and will be addressed by you as such," said Shining Armor.

"She isn't a Master. Her place is kneeling or being disciplined," said Blueblood. "Not that you would understand anything about disc—"

As Prince Asshole stepped over the discolored area, Shining Armor's aura lifted sections of carpet and secured the hidden shackles in place around Blueblood's pasterns (below the knuckle, where almost no movement is possible).

"What?! Unhoof me at once!" shouted Blueblood. "Guards!"

"They can't hear you," said Rarity, wearing a smirk as pulled an ounckse from beneath the clipboard and shoved it onto his horn before he had a chance to react. "And they wouldn't bother to come to your aid if they could."

"You are persona non grata," said Shining Armor.

"Y-you invited me here!"

"Summoned," corrected Cadance.

"Since you've been turned, we've seen two cunts require urgent physical care, and now those two and a third require significant mental care," said Shining Armor.

"They are MY cunts! My property, to do with as I please!"

"That is not how it works," said Shadowbane, eyes narrowed.

Shining Armor sighed. "They were your responsibility. We trusted you to take care of them, and you failed us miserably."

"I am an Equestrian prince. You shall release me this moment or feel my wrath!"

"You won't have any wrath left when we get done with you," said my brother. "Rarity, he's all yours."

Rarity grinned evilly. "Thank you, Master. I've been looking forward to this for a long time."

"It's time to end this charade," said Blueblood, rearing his head away from Rarity. "Very well, I've learned my lesson, and we can move on from this... misunderstanding." Beads of sweat began to form on his brow.

Rarity dropped the clipboard and walked over to pull the rolling tray table into view. On it were various medical instruments: a syringe, a scalpel, clamps, gauze, and medical sewing equipment. A chill swept through my gut—were they going to torture him?

"What are they going to do?" I whispered to Flash. "I don't care how much of a jerk he is, you're not about to bring back torture!"

"It isn't torture," Flash reassured me. "He'll thank us for what we're about to do, I promise. Just watch."

I'd heard that line before. Inside, I felt certain I was about to see the depth of depravity the vamponies had sunk to, and this would give me back my impetus to escape. That written, I still had no desire to watch.

I'm not sure why I didn't shut my eyes. It was like a disaster—you know you shouldn't look, but you can't help yourself. And as it began to unfold... well, I'll get to that soon.

"I am a STALLION. You will not allow a cunt to torture me!" said Blueblood, his words belying the tears forming in his eyes.

"We're not going to hurt you," said Rarity. "We're going to help you. Lady Cadance, would you mind?"

Princess Cadance's fake horn glowed with her aura, as did Blueblood's head.

"What?! How can you cast with a fake horn—" I said, then my eyes widened. "Ah, I get it. Very clever. Somepony else has Cadance's aura, and you're simply gripping the horn with telekinesis at the same time to make it look like the horn is glowing." I put on the smuggest grin I'd had on my face in a week.

"Not bad, Twily. But who has Cadance's aura?" asked my brother.

"I... there must be another unicorn pony hiding somewhere in here," I said, feeling unsure of myself.

Princess Cadance looked to Shining Armor, who nodded back to his wife. "We'll show you in a moment," said Princess Cadance. "But first we need to deal with Blueblood. As predicted, he's a lost one."

"I am not a cunt! I am a stallion!"

"Not mutually ex-clu-sive..." sang Rarity.

"You've made a terrible mistake," said Blueblood, brow wrinkled in a mixture of desperation and fear. "Let me go, Shining Armor."

"You're right... we did make a terrible mistake," said Shining Armor. "We never reaped you. We let you abuse cunts because we didn't follow up with you. We never even witnessed you hold the wolf..."

Cadance grinned. "That's because he isn't even broken."

Several ponies gasped.

"I am a stallion! I do not need to be b-broken!" stammered Prince Blueblood.

"I don't understand. Why would a stallion need to be broken?" I asked.

Flash turned and looked at me with confusion on his muzzle. "Twilight, all vamponies are broken. Didn't Lady Cadance explain this?"

"Yes, but... you break Masters too?"

"Yes, Twily," said my brother. "I'm broken, and proud of it. As is Flash Sentry."

"No, that's... that's impossible," I said, backing away from Flash. "You're not like the rest of them! You're so normal," I said, as though pleading against the truth.

"I'm broken, Twilight. And it's okay. You didn't actually think we'd be doing something to mares we wouldn't do to ourselves, did you? We all have the same procedure done."

I sat down on the floor, staring across the room at the wall. "I can't believe it. I... I was so sure you hadn't been damaged..."

Flash sat down next to me. "I haven't been damaged. I've been healed, and you will be too once you finally accept things." He pulled my chin up to force me to stare into his eyes. I tried not to look, but... those beautiful blue eyes...

"Let me go," said Blueblood, holding back tears. "I don't want to b-be broken..."

"Alright then," said Shining Armor. "We'll get the seeds of truth and see if that's really true." Shining Armor clopped his forehooves together, and Thorax (still wearing his Crystal Hoof guise) entered through a side door with a small pot of dirt. He set it down in front of the accused.

"What is this?" asked Blueblood.

"It's a flower which only blooms when you speak the truth. Tell us again: do you want to be broken?"

"N-no," Blueblood said softly. "I don't want to be broken. And I'm not a cunt..."

The entire room was quiet. The jar of earth didn't stir.

"I mean it! I am not a cunt!" shouted Blueblood, even as he started to cry. The jar of earth just sat there. "This plant is defective!"

"Then say, 'I am a cunt who needs to be broken', and see what happens," said Brother.

"Never. I shall not make those words pass my lips."

"Well, I guess Rarity can begin with the procedure—"

"I am a cunt who needs to be b-broken," said Blueblood.

The plant began to sprout.

"This... this is a lie! Please... just let me go..."

"Now say 'I'm afraid to be a cunt because I hate myself'."

Blueblood began to openly cry. "I'm... I'm afraid to be a cunt because I hate who I am..." he said, the after a pause, "and I don't deserve to be happy."

The plant bloomed into a beautiful white flower.

Rarity gave Blueblood a tight hug about the neck. "There, there. It isn't about what you deserve, it's about what's right. And what's right is to give you what you need, even after all those ponies you've hurt," she said. "The Order demands it. Your restitution is your salvation."

"Th-thank you," he said, tears streaming down his muzzle. "Thank you so much."

Rarity walked the tray of equipment around behind Blueblood, and then my brother spoke. "Before the show continues, it's time you learned the Secret of the Unicorn, Twilight. Cadance?"

Princess Cadance smiled. Her fake horn glowed with her aura color, then levitated off of her head, revealing an uncapped stump beneath it.

"Somepony here must have her aura color," I argued.

"Nopony else does," said Shining Armor.

"Then how?"

"Turn around, bitch. Show off that gorgeous ass of yours."

Cadance turned around and lifted her tail. The horn stayed levitated. A glimmer of the aura color shimmered around her ponut.

"Okay, so whoever is levitating the fake horn is also groping my sister's asshole, and she's perverted, so she probably enjoys it," I said.

"You're warm," said my brother. "Show her," he said to his wife.

The fake horn dropped to the floor. Cadance's anus winked slightly open, revealing a flash of magenta within it—the same color as her coat. Then her ponut glowed, the fake horn glowed, and it levitated back up in the air.

It took me a moment to put the pieces together, but everypony waited patiently. My brother knew I'd be smart enough to figure it out, given a little time.

"Wait. No... no way. There's..." I said, then my jaw dropped. "There isn't a lot of data on severed horns because of the taboo... You can cast spells with a severed horn! You aren't disabled at all!"

"She is, in part. I control when she has access to her horn. I control her magic absolutely, because she belongs to me," said Brother. "But there's more." He walked over, taking a rag from his saddlebags, and 'removed' (eww) the horn from his wife. He wiped it clean, then (this is so gross) sucked on it, making sounds of pleasure like he actually enjoyed the taste.

Cadance moaned and climaxed, spraying urine and ejaculate across the floor of the throne room. She can even feel it remotely! I was so distracted I almost forgot what he was trying to show me.

But then, I saw Shining Armor holding the horn in one hoof, concentrating. The horn glowed, but with his aura color. This should have been impossible, because he can't grasp another pony's horn directly with his aura, even a severed one... but his horn wasn't glowing. Then the fake horn on the floor glowed with Shining Armor's aura and lifted back into the air.

After a few moments, it dawned on me. "Ohmygosh. A unicorn can cast spells with another unicorn's horn?!"

"There's more," he said.

He hoofed the horn to Moon Black, who took it in hoof and narrowed his eyes in concentration. A greyish aura sputtered around the horn in his hoof and the fake horn, and it clumsily lifted into the air.

"My apologies, Princess Twilight Sparkle. I am not very good at this yet," he said, handing the horn back to Shining Armor.

"Oh sweet Celestia. Anypony can use unicorn magic?" I said. "Why is this a secret? This is amazing!"

"Think, Twilight," said Princess Luna. "What would happen were this to become common knowledge?"

"Well, there would be a demand for horns... That's why somepony tried to assassinate Princess Celestia!" I realized. "But why attack her? They could have attacked any unicorn."

"Last night, I cast an alicorn-level spell with my wife's horn," said Shining Armor. "The horns themselves have innate power levels."

"Stars above," I whispered.

"Think of the implications, Twilight," said Princess Luna. "Unicorn burial grounds would be overturned. Sepulchres ransacked. Entire families attacked. Canterlot under siege."

"But it doesn't need to be that way," said Shining Armor. "We can grow enough horns for everypony who wants one, and sell them on the white market."

"That's why you're cutting off your horns—you're using unicorn ponies as horn factories," I realized.

"Well, to be honest, it's mostly because magic is who we are, and chopping it off to give it to your partner is sexier than a hot assfucking," said Cadance. "For a unicorn, it's the ultimate sacrifice—giving your Master total control over everything you are. But growing useable horns will also help us when the time comes to reveal the secret to all of Equestria."

"You acted like you could feel your horn from a distance..." I pointed out.

Luna responded. "That is true only within a short range of perhaps a score of hooves; and, as I recall, one only maintains a psychic link with the most recent castable appendage," she said. "Once Cadance's new horn grows in, she will no longer feel the old one. It may still be used for casting, however. We were initially uncertain whether or not it would be a good idea to make copies of alicorn horns, but keeping several locked away in different locations would encourage theft rather than murder."

"I understand that much, but I still don't see why Celestia had to create the Stain and turn society prudish," I said. "Assuming I even believe Luna's story about that."

"That's straightforward," said Shining Armor. "After removing the secret from ponykind's collective consciousness, the only way Celestia could keep the secret was to have taboos against horn touching so strong they could only be based on sexual repression. There's no 'middle ground' to the social order. Either it's prudish and repressed, which has led to horrible societal issues, or we find a way to make ponies love each other more than they love being powerful. By forcing society to take on a sexual power structure where ponies don't need to be empowered to be happy, we can sidestep the same disaster Celestia sought to prevent by other means."

"That's how Big Macintosh was able to stop you from casting spells, by the way. I taught him how to actively raise interference with a horn in order to block its magic," said Rarity.

"I... I need time to process this," I said, feeling overwhelmed. Things were starting to make sense, and of all the possibilities I had planned for, I wasn't at all prepared for this.

"Well, in the meantime, could you go over and talk to Prince Blueblood? He could use some comforting, and you're one of the kindest-hearted ponies I've ever known," Flash said to me.

I nodded without thinking and walked over to Blueblood. "I'm so sorry," I said to him.

He smiled weakly, without the usual smug look on his face. "It's... it's okay."

"No, it isn't. You don't deserve whatever they're about to do to you," I said.

"I know I don't," he said, his ears drooping back against his neck. "But they're nice enough to do it anyway. I don't have to hide what I am anymore."

Rarity gently stroked Blueblood's scrotum, causing his penis to drop from his sheath. "You should be honored, Blueblood. You'll be the first one in centuries."

"The first w-what?"

"Gel-ding," said Rarity, pronouncing each syllable crisply.

Blueblood immediately grew an erection which slapped his belly, and he shivered. "P-please don't make it hurt too much," he whispered.

"It won't hurt at all, darling. We're not savages," she said, lifting the syringe. I sat near Blueblood's face and petted him gently. I could only see the front side of his scrotum, so I wasn't privileged to see the operation—fortunately. I don't think I have the nerves for that, but Rarity does, apparently.

"Don't worry, cunt," said my brother. "You'll still have plenty of orgasms from getting your ass pounded like a mare in heat. You'll produce quite a bit of impotent semen, too, but most of the time it will simply dribble out of your limp gelding prick."

I noticed Blueblood's tail kink upwards, without Rarity's aura around it (assuming she has her horn up her ass, now I know she could still use it if she wanted to). Blueblood was helping her. For some insane reason, this was something he wanted to happen to him. He wanted his balls—the very symbol of his masculinity—chopped off, permanently. The vamponies were right about him, and about what he needed.

Dear Celestia.... are they right about what I need, too?

"W-who owns me?" said Blueblood, ears drooped down.

"Fancy Pants has won the bidding and been found suitable by the Council. He'll be a loving Master and Daddy to you, Blueblood. We won't be taking your horn, because he wants the pleasure himself... but he wanted you pre-cut," said Shining Armor. "However, we'll be saving the testicles. He wants to cook them and have them with you as your first meal together, to remind you of your new life with him."

"You can eat flesh?" I said, gasping. "That's barbaric!"

"It's actually quite tasty," said Flash Sentry. "We'll show you sometime."

I caught a glimpse of the white of the testicle as Rarity carefully pulled the first one free from its home. "There we go," she said. "You hardly felt a thing, did you? It's uncanny how emptiness can feel like nothing abnormal at all. This is the state you deserve to be in. It should feel right to you."

"It does," said Blueblood, crying a few more tears.

A few more snips, and the second landed in the pan. Blueblood's cock swelled and spurted cum all over the floor and my hooves. I didn't mind, because I just wanted the poor stallion... gelding, I mean... to be comfortable, and I guess it doesn't get more comfortable than an orgasm.

Rarity carefully cut off most of the skin of the scrotum, then with medical needle and thread expertly sewed the flesh into place as a smooth, flat surface beneath Blueblood's penis—right where a vulva would be on a mare. She injected the area again, and placed what smelled like a hot glue substance over the area. "This will bond the skin, so don't fiddle with it. It will burn for a short while, but we have pills for that."

Shining Armor levitated two bottles of pills over to me, and I took one out from each and fed them to Blueblood: an antibiotic and a narcotic.

"It will take about thirteen minutes for the narcotic to have any effect," I said.

"The pain's not bad. I've been living with a pain in my heart for so long..." he said, and smiled through the tears.

How can a pony change so rapidly? I don't understand it. But I think about what I might do in that situation, and... I think I'd be happy too, to finally have it all over with, the charade of pretending to be important and in control. Looking in his reddened eyes was like looking into a mirror. I was seeing my future, and I loved it.

Rarity walked over to us both and hugged Blueblood about the neck. "You've done a beautiful job, darling. I'm so proud of you!" she said, praising him like a little foal. "You really should do something about the mess you made on Twilight's hooves, though."

Then Prince Blueblood began to eagerly suck his cum off of my hooves.

I won't lie, Journal. I was wet, despite the horror of all of this. I know I've already become a degenerate. I can feel it, and I don't want to fight it anymore.

Shining Armor walked down to us and nodded his approval. "Excellent. From now on, it is to be referred to as 'it', unless this becomes inconvenient or roles need to be broken," he said. "Blueblood also rescinds its princely status except for formal events during which the pretense will need to exist."

"Yes, Master," said Blueblood, kissing my hooves now that all of the cum had been sucked up and swallowed. "Thank you, Master."

"Now then, I know something that could pass the time while it waits for the medication to kick in," said Shining Armor. "Moon Black?"

Moon Black walked forward and produced a breakstone box from his saddlebags, and set it down behind me, opening it up. "Are you ready to become a proper vampony, Blueblood?" he asked.

Blueblood closed his... no, its eyes tightly and nodded, then opened them and began to stare into the space behind me. I held its neck gently and petted its mane as the stone began to eat away at its brain. "It's wonderful," it murmured. "Twilight, it's so wonderful. I never knew..."

"You're welcome to turn around and join it, Twily," said Princess Cadance. "You'll be so happy once you learn to accept what you are."

"I... maybe tomorrow," I said, taking a big gulp of empty air. It hurt to say, because I meant it.

I watched the sanity slowly seeping out of Blueblood's tired eyes, envious of the experience I wanted so desperately to accept. They glazed over, and after a short time, it was all over. It closed its eyes, leaving its brain to cook to perfection. I'm not sure when I began kissing it, but I kissed its lips and its cheeks very gently. Nothing gross or anything.

I just felt so... bad? No. It's hard to describe how I felt, and I don't want to think about it.

"Shadowbane, I believe Fancy Pants is waiting in the lobby with a pair of pants for his new toy. Could you bring him the former stallion and its testicles?" asked Shining.

"With pleasure," grinned Shadowbane.

"You see, Twilight?" said Luna. "We are forgiving and kind. This is true friendship, which is what the Order has to offer. I wish you would stop fighting us altogether, even though I know that will not happen."

"I'm at the brink," I admitted, my voice soft. "My only resistance at this point is what you do with foals, but... I don't know. Maybe you aren't hurting them after all. I don't know anything anymore," I said.

"Come with me, then. It is time for Pip's first hint."

I've arrived in Luna's room and have been given time to write this down.

I'm scared, journal. I don't know what will happen to me if I no longer feel nauseous at the thought of foals being made love t—no, I mean being raped.

Dammit.

All I want to do now is watch and absorb data, in as unbiased a manner as I can. I just don't know if 'unbiased' is even a possibility anymore.

Day 59 (I Lose)

It's finally over, Journal.

...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I wasn't enthusiastic about witnessing Pipsqueak's first hint of the wolf. Beyond the horrors of bringing a foal into the vampony disease, I was all but certain Luna was going to molest him in front of me—and try to get me to join in on the 'fun'.

Princess Luna made us wash and clean our hooves. Then, at her insistence, I sat with her and Pip together on her enormous bed, warm satin sheets beneath us. She wore a see-through shimmery navy-colored negligee, which consisted of a cape, a half-bra, and crotchless panties, but was stripped of her baubles except for the fake ounckse and earrings. Pip and I were nude, not counting my baubles and that annoying magic blocker.

"I'm willing to witness this, but I need to beg you, Luna. Don't do it. Let Pip be a child," I asked her. My voice sounded less than certain; I was already slipping, psychologically. I wanted to see what would happen. I even wanted it to be okay for Pip to be intimate with Luna. It was the last bastion still separating Twilight Sparkle from Toilet Spunkhole.

"I am a child, Princess Twilight. I'm a foal. I like to do fun stuff like this. Like, I like playing pretend," insisted Pip. He then turned to Luna and a naughty grin crossed his face. Luna smiled and nodded, and Pip looked back at me and batted his eyes. "And you know what else I like to do?" he asked.

The question was so curious to me that I didn't stop to make the point that vamponies aren't pretend. "What's that?" I asked, leaning forward.

Pip scooted up to my ear, placed a hoof to it, and whispered in a voice far too sultry for a first-grader:

"...ffffffffffuck."

I inhaled a piece of my own spit and began to cough and choke. Pip immediately broke into peals of laughter and rolled around on the bed. Luna smiled coyly back at me. "Twilight Sparkle, do take care," she said. "It is not even nightfall yet; there is much for you to partake in."

"I..." I said, coughing a few times, "I d-don't want to rape a foal, Luna."

"It is not rape except by your modern definition. We shall do nothing to Pip of which he does not expressly approve," said Luna. "But know that the one condition of your stay with us is that you may not try to indoctrinate Pip into believing he is a victim. You must allow him to decide what he enjoys and what he does not. Is that understood?"

I paused, looked down at the little foal, and winced. "You'll just do it to him anyway if I'm not here, so... I suppose. But I at least want him to know I think this is dangerous and wrong."

"I know how you feel Princess Twilight," said Pip. "Princess Luna 'splained it to me. You think sex is bad for foals because nopony made love to you when you were just a filly."

I sighed. I wanted to argue, but I was tired of arguing, and if I pushed too hard then Luna would make me leave. There wasn't much I could do (or so my mind rationalized), and deep down, I didn't want this to be wrong. I wanted to justify all the conflicting feelings inside me. I wanted a reason to accept the vamponies' side of things. This had been going on for so long that, this time, I was consciously aware of it as it happened. I was looking for an out, a way to believe that what I'd previously considered child rape was an okay thing. I knew what I wanted, and even though I didn't like that about myself, I still wanted it.

"I don't think that's..." I began, then I closed my eyes. "Fine. I already know how Luna feels about me. Let's just get this over with."

"There is no need to rush things, Twilight. Relax. You are learning to accept things as they are," said Luna, in a soothing tone. "First, a bit of foreplay is in order."

Princess Luna pulled me and Pip into a group cuddle, with the tot sandwiched between the two of us. The contact felt nice, though I was dreading anything beyond this. The main source of my dread was the fact that I'd already been corrupted to the point where I found foals erotic—my last encounter with the Cutie Mark Crusaders had already confirmed that blister on my heart.

Pipsqueak scooted up between us and faced Luna, kissing her on the muzzle. Then he turned to me and kissed me on the lips too. It was a foal's kiss: delicate and unassuming, far from intimate. I felt a sense of relief at how non-erotic it was; not because I was dreading the eroticism, but because I realized foals weren't inherently erotic to me. It was still possible for something to be cute and innocent. That logic hadn't fled me.

Then he kissed me again, but differently. It was a subtle difference: he wet his lips this time, his head tilted slightly to the side, and he pressed more firmly against my mouth. That small change made all the difference. I felt an erotic spark within me, and my pulse quickened. Luna held me tightly, giving me no escape, and I finally gave in with all my heart. I was going to enjoy this, and I accepted that fact, hoping it didn't make me irredeemably evil.

So we kissed, and I spread my lips against his little mouth. I felt a tiny tongue tapping against the edges of my lips, and then it tickled the tip of my own tongue. I pushed mine gently into his mouth and slowly stroked back. His touches were extremely delicate, not at all what I would expect from a colt—even of his age.

I opened my eyes, and saw that his were already open. While Prench kissing my little lover we stared into each other's eyes, and I felt like I was falling in love all over again. I suppose I was. To my surprise, I could sense the same emotion coming from Pip. He was letting me into his heart, and enjoying it in the same way as an adult would. Romantic love wasn't just about eroticism, after all. It was an emotion, a need, and I was filling him to the brim with it. I was becoming a pony he could trust, one who would be there for him, and he knew it.

Eventually the kiss broke. I panted softly, while Pip smiled and giggled. Luna wore a sly grin. "Very good, Twilight. I am most proud of your progress. Do you not see how the love of a foal is a wonderful thing?"

"I don't want to be the pony I'm becoming," I said.

"But you are becoming her, nonetheless," said Luna.

I nodded in response. "I am, and I'm starting to like it. I... I think I'm finally doomed."

"Ah! Then let us celebrate," said Luna, pulling back from the hug. She lay me on my back with my head propped up and had Pip sit on my collar. I could see his sac and sheath, and his little penis slipped out into the open. He was grinning.

"W-what are you going to do?" I asked, my heart pounding like a rabbit's.

"Pipsqueak, scoot forward and rest yourself upon Twilight's lips," she said, and then Pip did exactly that.

"I can't believe my first taste of cock is going to be a little foal," I whispered against his stiffening little rod, his balls resting on my chin-groove. "Pip has to be too young to enjoy this..."

"He enjoys it in a different way, Twilight," explained Luna. "Make sure you pull your lips slightly over your teeth so you do not scrape them against his organ."

This was it: the last stand of my morality. Without much thought, I spread my lips and allowed him inside me.

There was a slight odor, reminiscent of Flash Sentry, and a flavor loaded with glutamate. This must be what meat tastes like, I thought, gently suckling Pip's dick into my mouth and stroking it with my tongue. His eyes brightened and he leaned forward, grabbing my mane and pulling it. The slight pain almost made me gasp, but with it came a surprising amount of pleasure I didn't understand.

"Do you like that, bitch?" he said, and giggled. I felt his cock throb. I blushed. I loved every bit of this. It wasn't my fault if he was in control, I rationalized.

"Take his balls up succulently within your mouth, Twilight. He is small, so you should be able to fit the entire package within your oral cavity. Be very gentle."

I obeyed Luna, and began to suck on Pip's cock and balls at the same time, tenderly stroking his nuts with my tongue. He seemed so happy above me, and occasionally he tugged hard on my mane, making me whine out of my nostrils.

After about a minute of this, Pipsqueak nickered and I felt his cock throbbing in my mouth. Was a foal this young having an orgasm? He wasn't ejaculating anything, but the reaction was unmistakable.

The surprise must have registered on my face, because Luna spoke. "It is a qualitatively different sort of orgasm, Twilight. But it is an orgasm nonetheless. Also, consider how the refractory period of the male is tied to ejaculation, not orgasm..."

Just as my brain processed what she was saying, Pip whined loudly and his cock throbbed a second time. Multiple orgasms were possible because he was too young to ejaculate! I sucked hard on his member, releasing his nuts from my prison so that I could increase suction safely. Pipsqueak gasped and attempted to pull free, and I let go. He collapsed on the bed next to me, panting softly.

I realized at that moment that I had already soaked the sheets with my enthusiasm, nearly cumming myself.

"We must take care not to overstimulate him," said Princess Luna, gently petting Pip's mane. "You have done a job most splendid, Twilight Sparkle."

"Th-thank you," I said, my voice horse. It felt almost like I was being praised for being a good dog.

"Sit up now. Would you care to get closer to an older mare?" Luna asked. She turned about and faced me with her small rump, revealing a tight-looking anus and vulva. Her clit was engorged and pulsing, 'winking' at me.

"I... I don't know how to do this," I said, feeling overwhelmed.

"Here Princess Twilight, I can show you," said Pipsqueak. The tot leaned over and kissed Luna's clit firmly, making her vulva ridges wiggle. "See, it's not hard!"

I leaned in. There was a scent like a beached fish, but it wasn't overpowering. If I could suck off a small child, I could certainly kiss an ancient mare's clitoris, I thought to myself. It looked like a tiny flared cockhead. I lowered my neck down and placed my lips on the moist, throbbing pink button. Before I realized what I was doing, I had sucked it into my mouth as though it were Pip's penis, and my tongue was eagerly pressed against it.

"Fuck," gasped Luna. "That is most welcome! Do not stop that, Twilight."

I obeyed, naturally. My nose was bumping her ridges, and I was tempted to thrust it inside, but I didn't want to go too far too quickly. All of the flavors and scents and colors were new to me. Her clit felt so warm and alive in my lips, and I think it was as thick as Pip's little cock, though much shorter. I moaned nasally, doting on my Lady as a good cunt should.

Pip climbed up onto my neck and flashed a very naughty grin at me upside-down, then leaned up and kissed Luna right on her asshole. This snapped me out of my reverie. I withdrew from Luna's clit.

"Pip, that isn't sanitary," I protested.

"There is no danger, Twilight," said Luna.

"You wanna try?" Pip asked me. Then he kissed it again, and it looked like he was worming his tongue into her anus. He tried to wrap his mouth around the entire ponut, but it was too tight a fit.

I shook my head. "T-too much," I said, collapsing back onto the bed.

Luna turned back around and Prench kissed her lover, then leaned down to Prench kiss me. I could taste it, ever so slightly, and I wanted more. But I was past the point of rational thought and too nervous to move.

"It appears we have overstimulated Twilight Sparkle herself, Pip. Though I would enjoy spraying onto her beautiful face, I believe this would be a good time to begin your hint."

"Oh colt!" said Pip, bouncing on the bed.

I sat up slowly, shivering. "I can't believe I did any of that," I said softly.

"I am so proud of you, Twilight. Surprised, but proud," said Luna, and then her face began to change slightly. Her ears poofed up, her irises glowed red, and her fangs emerged with a smile.

"How do we do it?" asked Pipsqueak. "This isn't where you bite me is it?"

"No," said Luna, eyes widening. It visibly frightened Pip, and he squealed in joy. "You must drink some of my blood. First, to avoid turning you, I must inspect your muzzle for any sores."

Luna pulled at Pip's gums with her hooves, carefully examining his lips and teeth. "It would appear to be safe. Do you have any cuts or abrasions within your mouth, child?"

"Nuh-uh," said Pip, shaking his head.

"Then we begin." Luna bit at her own cannon, drawing two dots of blood. "Drink my blood, lover. Taste what it means to be a vampony."

Pip leaned over Luna's bite and planted his mouth around it, suckling at the blood. After a moment he pulled back, a trickle of blood running down his chin. "Rarrr! I'm a vampony!" he declared, narrowing his eyes and posing over me like a movie monster.

Princess Luna chuckled. "Not yet, but you shall have a hint shortly."

Pipsqueak gasped. "Somethin' feels weird," he said, and then the changes began to take him.

His ears slowly poofed up, and his eyes glowed ever-so-slightly. He gritted his teeth, and his upper baby teeth—teeth 104 and 204, which would give way to his canines—fell out, slightly bloody. Into the open slots emerged two adult canine teeth.

"Whoa! I lost my baby teeth?" said Pip. His tongue began to narrow and lengthen, and it dangled out of the side of his mouth.

"We shall keep these for the tooth fairy," said Luna, setting them on the nightstand. "Your fangs are adult teeth, earned early for this purpose."

Pip panted softly. "It feels real good," he said. "Hee hee! Look at my tongue!" He whipped it around on the bed, slapping it into our legs. "And... and I can smell stuff... oh my gosh there's so much smells!" Pip's face was a mask of surprise and awe.

"It's certainly beautiful," I said. His poofy ears had sent him over the top in cuteness, and in my heart cute and sexy had merged indelibly.

"I wanna smell closer," he said, sniffing at me.

Luna performed the snarl. "If you do this thing with your lip, you can smell Twilight's pheromones," said Luna. "Those are even better."

"No way," said Pip, who had moved to my backside and lifted up my tail. I craned my neck back to look behind me, and I saw the little colt snarling and shivering.

Then his mouth went to my ponut, and I felt something long and thin pushing its way into my anus. I yelped from the shock.

"Take care not to bite her," said Luna. "You cannot turn Twilight, so a bite would merely be painful."

"I don't think I care," I said, gasping as I felt him wriggling within me. "Fuck this is so wrong." The feelings inside of my floating colon weren't especially erotic, to be honest; it felt more relaxing than anything else. But my anus was tickling in a pleasant way that turned me on. I could sense Pip was enjoying this on a level far beyond mine.

I think analingus (I think that's how it's spelled, if Pinkie is correct) is more fun to give than receive, though it's hard to imagine doing it... no, wait. It's easy to imagine being ordered to do it by my Master or Lady. Horsefeathers, it feels good to close my eyes and dream that little dream.

Pipsqueak finally withdrew, then began kissing and licking at my cunt. His tongue dipped into my vestibule, twirling around inside it.

"I... Too much," I gasped. I was near to an orgasm and the thought of spraying on his face was less than appealing—I didn't know how he might take such a thing.

Luna nodded at Pip, and he withdrew. "Aww."

"It is okay. Let us commence a cuddle," said Luna, and this time I was the hayburger while my captors were the buns (figuratively speaking). I faced Pip while Luna spooned me from behind. His eyes glowed and he giggled, occasionally darting out that alien tongue to tickle at my chin.

"Are you alright, Twilight?" Luna whispered in my ear.

"I'm better than alright," I said. "I give up."

"That is... unusual," said Luna. "You are fated to escape once more. This is a very happy occasion, but it makes no sense. Do you wish me to turn you now?"

I paused for a moment, thinking. "I want Applejack to do it," I said. "I want to wait to see her."

I've finished cleaning up from the experience, and I'm going to go masturbate now. I want to think about the Cutie Mark Crusaders as I do it. I've already lost the battle to depravity, so why not go all the way? I'll bet their little twats are delicious. It still feels a little wrong writing that, but I'm sure that will go away soon.

Princess Luna's crazy, even though she still won't say how she 'knows' I'm going to escape. I'll never leave now. I actually look forward to betraying Princess Celestia, though she's probably reading this so it's not a secret. Sorry Princess, but it's for your own good. :heart:

I've cast my lot with the vamponies, and I can't imagine anything that would possibly change my mind now. It's over—stick a fork in me, Twilight Sparkle is done. Toilet Spunkhole is here to stay.

The next five pages have been torn completely out of the journal.

Day 59 (The Solution)

I regret everything.

I've made a terrible series of mistakes, Journal, but finally the solution is finally clear. There's a way out of this nightmare.

First, I guess I need to explain the missing pages. Three times in a row I wrote down my sick, perverted fantasies involving the Cutie Mark Crusaders, then masturbated to it, then destroyed it. Three times. I'm a little scared it might end up being four or five times or that it might never end, but I'm steadfast that my mind is made up at this point. All of this is wrong, and it needs to stop, permanently.

The problem here is that I've split into two Twilight Sparkles. My beliefs and opinions are completely different from one moment to the next. All it takes is being horny and I become a different pony entirely. It's insane is what it is. Logic just goes out the window entirely. Or rather, the perverted have their own "twisted" version of logic, where true becomes false and wrong becomes right.

I can't allow feelings to cloud my judgment anymore. I know how I feel when I'm horny is wrong because of how terrible I feel afterwards. The negative feeling has to be the right one because it matches everything I've ever known and believed before this madness started. Sex isn't adaptive like eating or breathing. It's maladaptive, like recreational drugs. There's a brief high, then a crash and you feel terrible. And it gets worse over time, driving you to ever-deeper depths of depravity! It doesn't matter if it's "natural" or not. That only means it's a flaw of evolution: a mistake that needs to be corrected by a smart, civilized society.

The worst part is that this clear-headedness I have doesn't want to stick around! I only feel rational like I do now shortly after having an orgasm. Even when I'm not horny, I return to perverted Twilight Sparkle (and no, I refuse to call her 'Toilet Spunkhole') almost immediately, unless I actively suppress her by reminding myself how sick and wrong all of this is. That's what I'm doing now. I'm holding tightly to that truth.

That's the big problem—it goes beyond being horny. Even chemical castration isn't sufficient, Journal. Look at Prince Blueblood! He gets his balls chopped off and he likes it, which is completely illogical, and it should make him less horny but somehow this makes him feel personally fulfilled! Being horny, ever, is like a virus that leaves behind a crippling disability: you want to do perverse and illogical things even when you aren't horny at all.

Sex is disgusting, unsanitary, and psychologically harmful, and this is so self-evident it doesn't need further proof. The problem is the brain damage caused by being horny that prevents you from making future decisions logically. It isn't enough to chop off a stallion's balls. A pony's need to be physically and socially intimate with others must be eradicated from the brain entirely.

And the solution is right in front of me! If the Breakstone can be used to destroy part of a pony's brain, it should be possible to modify it to remove all intimate desires entirely. Imagine a world where ponies didn't need to touch each other to feel good about themselves! A pure, logic-driven people, with no unsanitary exchange of bodily fluids, no mental sickness, no need to make any form of physical contact... it would be utopia. Even hugs would be unnecessary, because we wouldn't need that kind of affirmation to know our friendships are solid.

Why do we need to feel negative things at all? Who wants to feel sad, or angry, or ashamed? Chrysalis wouldn't have been able to manipulate ponies if we didn't have these sick emotions to siphon away in the first place! A world without sadness and pain is actually possible—the only reason we never realized this is that we're so addicted to what we think is "love" that we justify bad emotions as a necessary evil, the same way ponies say "death is a part of life" to feel (illogically) better about the inevitability of mortal ends.

Why should friendship and culture require "feeling" anything, when logic is always the superior choice? That's the real solution to all of these problems the Order is trying to fix! The vamponies are trying to do the right thing, but they're doing the polar opposite of what they should be. It's because they're physically and mentally addicted to sex. They have no choice. They're blind and desperate and confused.

I'm sure ponies will undoubtedly argue, "But Twilight, there are 'good' feelings too! Why can't we keep those?" Let's face facts, Journal: feelings being 'good' doesn't mean they're beneficial to society. I felt wonderful with Applejack, and I felt wonderful with Rainbow Dash. But that was wrong. I shouldn't feel that way, especially not with mares. I should be evaluating our friendships using logical metrics that I can actually trust, like how often we agree, how much time we spend together, and how much we contribute to one another economically in kind (adjusted for the ability each pony has to offer support and assistance, naturally, so that the disabled can still contribute something useful). I shouldn't treat Dashie Rainbow Dash as "special" just because she can make my body, or my mind, or my heart feel good! That makes no bucking sense! It isn't fair to my other friends, and it isn't fair to her either. Even when feelings are 'good', they're misleading. Being able to control them is what separates people from beasts.

I should care about my friends for logical reasons, period. I shouldn't care about them out of desperation or desire or confusion or pity. The virtues of friendship aren't what ignorant ponies from thousands of years ago arbitrarily decided were 'virtuous'. They were very close, I think, but they didn't get it right. The true virtues of friendship aren't honesty, loyalty, kindness, generosity, laughter, and magic. That's a mischaracterization resulting from a highly illogical, emotion-driven analysis of the facts. The true virtues are factual veracity, good judgment, equal treatment, appropriate feedback, positive reinforcement, and logic. Those are the real qualities that bind me to my friends. I've been so stupid to believe all this mythical crap from the distant past. We know so much more now than we did back then, when society was mired even more deeply in illogic and neediness. The right course of action is always the logical one, period. That's inarguably true, by definition. When we allow ourselves to make decisions for reasons other than articulate, well-reasoned arguments supported by a consistent system of logical deduction, we're bound reach a suboptimal conclusion. This insanity needs to finally end. I've been so caught up in it I was actually starting to believe what my friends and family were trying to push on me, and now the truth couldn't be any clearer.

All we have to do is repurpose the Breakstones to permanently remove a pony's irrational desires for physical contact. It would be a scientific miracle if we could remove feelings and rule the mind with objective logic! Even vamponies would thank me for it afterwards, logically, so it doesn't make sense to try to get consent from ponies who can't think straight in the first place. You don't let somepony with schizophrenia suffer because they don't want to cure themselves. You treat them anyway. If I can find a way to do this, then none of this horrid shit I've been forced to experience would bother anypony, ever again. And no, I don't care how much ponies elevate the experience of "romance". Love is like a "roller coaster ride", you say? Big bucking whoop! Who cares! Roller coasters don't hurt you when they're operating within appropriate guidelines. Roller coasters don't make you feel like trash when you're done riding them. Roller coasters don't lead to regret (unless you have motion sickness, but this is just a loose analogy). And roller coasters sure as sugar don't lead you to hurt all of the ponies you care about the most.

Roller coasters don't make me—I mean you—want to die.

Romance is inefficient, and completely unnecessary! We can more easily make foals through artificial insemination, matching donors with recipients for maximum genetic-driven phenotypes. Everything could be planned and orderly, just like clockwork. Society could be perfect, hygienic, and clean. Not disgusting and mentally ill and depraved and sick and hurtful like sex innately is. What was the point of sex between me and Rainbow Dash, anyway, huh? I can't even remember, Journal. Having sex led me to be careless, and I got captured, putting my friends and family in further jeopardy. And for what purpose? A little fun!? I have more fun reading books! Study is significantly more fulfilling than sex, and it isn't nasty or hurtful! And I mean hurtful both mentally and physically. Sex with Rainbow Dash hurt a little, did I even write that down? Pain isn't good if it isn't protecting you from something. It's just suffering. That's obvious. I somehow convinced myself it was "wonderful" because I was THAT confused and messed up inside. I was needy, like a drug addict. Sweet Celestia, letting a friend actually eat a part of my body, leaving me vulnerable to infection, and even worse, confusing both of us into thinking it was something 'incredible', like that smelly, gross experiment mattered somehow? ALL of this is wrong! It is 100% wrong, period, end of sentence. It has to be stopped for the good of ponykind.

I'm repeating myself a lot, but this is important.

I'll keep that goal in mind, Journal, and it will make my task much easier. And even if we fail, I have no doubt this revolution will fall apart in a matter of weeks, because it's insane and it will not work. Brother will come to his senses, he'll come crawling back for forgiveness, which is inappropriate, he will be demoted from head of state because he cannot make quality decisions (not that being born a stallion is his fault, though), and we'll all grow back our horns. Then I can put my final solution into action.

I can bide, Journal. They can't convert me, because I'm too logical, and I will NOT let 'feelings' confuse me. Never, ever again. I mean, Cadance still has her wits about her, and she's still capable of logical reasoning, though she's not insightful enough to have come to the right conclusions yet. Being 'broken' by the Breakstone won't affect me one way or the other, except for being annoying and distracting. How can feeling horny truly change your opinion about something? It can't. That isn't just improbable, it's impossible. It's only changing my friends because they're weak inside, unlike me. They had sex before all this started, and I hadn't. Since I hadn't succumbed to the brain damage associated with romantic feelings until this madness began, I've been able to see sex for what it really is, and now I know what I need to do to save Equestria and bring about a Reinaissance of friendship based on fact rather than appealing to feelings of 'altruism' or 'fun'. Buck those horsefeathers (pardon me, I've gained a sailor's tongue—well, pen—and I need to set that right too).

Arrgh! Here I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional, and I'm ranting for pages and pages when I should be writing about things in a calm and rational manner, using bullet points and references to support my argument. Okay, that's fine. I'm not perfect YET. I'm still taking baby steps. But I will be fixed, and very soon all this nonsense will be behind me—and everypony else—forever. I have no doubt this will come to pass.

Well, no. That's an exaggeration. I have reasonable doubt, obviously. Not reserving probability mass for failure would be illogical, and that is not who or what Twilight Sparkle is (the Princess thing is ridiculous too, for the most part, but that's another discussion).

Wow. I am SO glad I finally have things figured out now. Not emotion glad, of course. Just, you know. 'This is good.' That sort of thing. The cold, clear, logical certainty that allows things to function properly and efficiently, to help ideally tune parameters in favor of friendship and productivity.

Cadance knows something is wrong but I'm not going to tell her or anypony else about my plans, obviously. I've refused dinner (the suffering will help me to focus, though eventually I'll need food to think straight) and I've insisted on sleeping by myself tonight.

I can tell Cadance is very worried, but she's kind enough to leave me alone. They'll probably prod at me tomorrow to figure out why I'm so upset. Let them try.

I'm going to bed, after I scrub my body clean in the shower and remove this infernal plug from my butt.

Day 59 (Reluctant Celestia)

I awoke in a moonlit glade, lying beside Princess Celestia.

"Twilight Sparkle, we need to talk," she said.

I gathered my bearings and sat up. The environment was beautiful and crisp, but I could tell I was dreaming.

"We're in the dream realm again. Aren't you worried about Luna?" I asked.

Celestia shook her head. "No. I believe my sister when she says she doesn't plan to spy on me, and our plans are useless if we don't communicate. Even if she eavesdrops, meeting is better than remaining silent," she said. "But we have something more urgent to discuss. I read your recent journal entries."

I winced and lowered my head. "I'm sorry. What happened with Pip is unforgivable," I said.

"No, it is forgivable. You have been through too much," she said, and gently touched me on my shoulder with a hoof. (It made me feel much better, which I know now is a sad weakness on my part, but I'll need to cure myself of the need to be touched as well as other ponies.)

"I guess," I said, looking away.

"Twilight, I'm talking about your most recent entry, before this one, which I haven't looked at past the opening to avoid hemming myself in with a time paradox. I'm... rather concerned about your plans," she said, her voice soft enough to walk on eggshells (yes, I know I'm mixing metaphors—journal writing is extemporaneous).

I looked up to Celestia and frowned. "I wouldn't think I'd need to convince you, of all ponies," I said. "Seriously?"

"You are reacting out of pain and shame, Twilight. It's only natural that you would want to be free of your feelings..."

"I'm reacting out of logic."

"You are motivated by the negative feelings you experienced when you orgasmed."

I sighed. "That may have been the straw that broke the camel's back," I admitted, "but the logic is still sound. The world would be better off without any lust or physical need in it. Isn't that what you were trying to do when you set up society this way?"

"I was trying to mute the strength of lust in an attempt to reduce what I thought were significant problems in society," said Celestia. "I did this largely out of anguish for the loss of my sister, who wanted to bring about such changes. You already are aware of this."

"You didn't do anything wrong. Your goal was noble, you just didn't go far enough."

"I may have gone too far, actually. The vamponies wouldn't have gained such a strong foothold if these bottled-up needs hadn't overcome them."

"Exactly! If we eliminate all desire—"

Celestia narrowed her gaze. "There is a proper balance somewhere in the middle. Do you truly want to end reassuring hugs from your family and friends? You will always need comfort, no matter how successful you are at blocking your emotions. There is naturally sadness and happiness in life."

I looked down at the grass. "There isn't a logical compromise. If lust isn't innately wrong, then the vamponies are correct: sex with friends, family, and foals doesn't have to be harmful if done properly, and my problem is that I've been damaged by shame..."

As I looked back up, I noticed Princess Celestia's eyes widen as she leaned back. "I need you on my side, Twilight. If your beliefs allow you to continue resisting the vamponies, I shall not argue against them. Perhaps you are right, and lust is the problem," she said. "However, you must promise me you will not do anything to anypony's brain until we have had time to discuss this in depth. Promise me this."

I frowned. "I promise. I wasn't going to do anything half-cocked anyway, Princess—I know better than to damage somepony's brain without doing exhaustive research first."

Celestia still looked nervous. "Pinkie Promise," she ordered.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," I said, miming the promise. "Are we good?"

After a deep sigh, Princess Celestia nodded. "We are. Now listen to me, Twilight. You've been through ordeals that nopony should ever have to experience. It's going to take a long time for you to come to terms with what you've been through. The way all of this ends—whatever happens, it may not be exactly what you want to happen. I need you to be strong and centered, and be prepared to compromise a little if necessary. No system of rules will ever be perfect."

"I can't compromise with the truth, Celestia. I will make this perfect," I said, though I didn't sound very sure of myself.

Partly this is because I'm starting to have doubts, especially as I read my own words.

Damn it. I need to be stronger than this.

"We'll do the best we can," said Celestia. "As for the plan, has there been any progress?"

"The moment I figure out how to get this thing off of my horn, I'm out of here. I'll head directly to the Crystal Kingdom and spring you from jail," I said.

Celestia nodded. "That seems the best idea. You know they'll be looking for you, though. Do you have the ability to teleport here, once your powers are restored?"

I shook my head. "I'm afraid not. I don't know precisely where Crystal City is in the middle of that snowy wasteland," I said. "If I teleport out there I'll just get lost in a mess of snow. There aren't any signposts other than the train tracks, and those disappear in the distance too quickly to make a teleport chain realistic. I'd need to do a thousand teleports to get anywhere at all."

"I thought that might be the case. I don't know if it will be safe for you to take the train here."

"Then I'll need to leave on the train before they know I'm missing," I said. "Maybe I'll pretend to be sleeping and head out at night. I just wish I knew how to remove this device."

For a moment, Celestia paused in thought. "Have you considered breaking your horn off?" she asked.

My jaw dropped.

"N-no, I most definitely had not..." I said, then paused in thought. "Wait. You mean I could break it off in two places to remove the ring, and the remaining part of the horn might be long enough to still cast through?"

"Yes. But you should pursue every other option first."

"You don't need to tell me twice! I really don't want to have my horn removed," I said, nearly suppressing the erotic twinge between my legs from the lie.

"Someday we'll look back on all this and laugh," said Celestia, with a wan smile.

"I hope so. As long as it's not while fucking my parents," I added.

"Well, either way," joked Celestia.

I smiled, then grimaced. All this talk of the device on my horn made me dimly aware of the annoying vibration.

Without warning, I awoke.

I still haven't been able to get back to sleep. I keep thinking about the humming of my horn, and it's driving me crazy. I wish horns weren't erotic.

I'll have to see to it that they aren't, ever again.

...maybe.

Am I doing the right thing, Journal?

Day 60 (The Big News)

I'm already starting to reconsider things, Journal (yes, I know that didn't last long—shut up).

I woke up not feeling entirely sure of myself or the manifesto I wrote last night. Turning over, I saw Princess Cadance sitting beside the bed.

"How long?" I murmured, rubbing the rheum from my eyes with my ankles.

"About an hour. Sorry for breaking in, but we were all pretty worried about you when you refused to eat supper," she said, standing up. "I know you just woke up, but do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I... I don't know anything anymore." I got up out of bed and walked over to my journal and used the magic light to locate the manifesto entry.

Then I hoofed the journal to Cadance. "Here. Read this entry, and only this entry," I said.

We both sat on the floor. I watched as Cadance's face paled in horror. When she reached the end of the entry, she closed the book. "Twilight..."

"I know, I went off the deep end."

Cadance breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you've realized that."

"I'm not saying I was wrong, necessarily. Maybe things would be better off that way." I didn't sound sure of myself.

"The negative feelings you have after masturbating are normal for somepony who has been through trauma, Twilight."

"Trauma like what you and my parents and the Crusaders have put me through, you mean?"

Cadance shook her head. "No. I mean the trauma of being raised in a sterile environment where you're taught your body is filthy and sex is kept hidden like it's something repulsive. In your case, you're dealing with an entire lifetime believing that sex with foals is wrong."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't patronize me. You were raised that way, too, Cadance."

"And I used to feel that way after masturbating, too," she revealed. "But I got over it before I married your brother, and I got over it a lot more once I learned how my people used to do things."

"Your 'people'?" I asked, raising a brow.

"The crystal ponies. Twilight, sex with foals used to be normal in the Crystal Kingdom. Before Sombra's rule it was a part of our society," she explained.

I scoffed. "I have a hard time believing that."

"It's true. But under Sombra's rule, sex was used to hurt ponies—adults and foals alike. It has taken a great deal of therapy and communal intervention to heal those wounds," she said.

I shook my head. "I... I don't know about any of this. It feels so terrible, Cadance. Something good can't feel this awful inside. I just won't allow that to be true."

"Truth isn't about what you want to allow," said Cadance, scooting over to me. "Trust me, Twilight. That bad feeling won't be there forever. I promise it can be overcome with time. The turning will speed that process up considerably."

"There's so much data supporting how this hurts foals—"

"That data comes from a society that demonizes foal sexuality. If everypony tells you you're a victim, you'll be a victim. But more importantly, the data are aggregate statistics. Violent abuse is lumped in with normal sexuality and averaged," argued Cadance.

I looked up to her. "So why don't researchers separate out what you call 'normal sexuality' and prove it?"

"They tried, and the results were censored. But we have good data on foal sexuality in the Crystal Kingdom," said Cadance. "Twilight, look at how well-adjusted Pipsqueak is. Do you honestly think he's traumatized by his experiences?"

I closed my eyes. "I..." I said, then paused in thought. "No. No, I don't, and I can't explain why. Is that what you want?"

Cadance looked at me with concern, her brow furrowed. "Is... what?"

"You want me to admit that the evidence so far supports the vamponies' assertions, right? Fine. Everything you've said is supported by recent data: every vampony loves being a vampony, the foals seem psychologically healthy, and it even appears that Prince Blueblood is better off as a gelding," I admitted. "I can't explain any of these things, but I don't want them to be true."

"Well, of course you don't. For them to be true, you'd have to admit that the way you've seen the world your entire life is wrong. That isn't easy for anypony," she said, and put her leg around me.

I was tempted to buck it off, but I needed the contact. I leaned into her and began to cry. Cadance held me in her legs and petted my back as I let the tears flow. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I stopped. She handed me a hoofkerchief and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

"So what do you feel now?" she asked me. Her voice sounded ginger enough to trot across a field of eggs without breaking a single one.

"I, I feel..." I started, and paused in thought. "I still don't know what to feel. I can't argue against your position, other than to point out these drastic changes are happening too quickly."

"I agree. That's why we aren't trying to turn all of Equestria overnight anymore," she said. "We're going to proceed very slowly."

"But why don't you just turn me, then? If it cures all the psychological ailments from sex, why did you stop?"

Princess Cadance cleared her throat, then looked behind her at the closed door. "Twilight... Don't tell anybatty I told you this. Okay?"

Slowly, I nodded my head.

"We are going to forcibly turn you, Twilight. We wanted to give you a final chance to make the decision yourself after spending time with Applejack, but... if you don't willingly join us after meeting with her, the others intend to put an end to your suffering. We'll jam Applejack's split hoof around your muzzle, you'll taste the wolf, and that will be the end of it. Problem solved."

I felt a bizarre mixture of relief and fear. "The others. You don't agree with them," I realized aloud.

Cadance nodded. "I'm in the minority. But even I have to admit that I'm tired of watching you suffer when we have a cure we're certain will work."

"I guess that's it then," I said. "What happened to the whole 'taking me to meet Celestia' thing, then? Was that always a lie?"

"Twilight, you know we can't risk taking you out of the castle. I'm sorry. There was no way that was going to happen."

Then I did something that surprised myself: I hugged Cadance tightly.

"It's okay," she said, soothingly. She held me with a firm grip, and kissed me on the top of my head.

"I want this to be over," I whispered. "This is actually a relief... sort of." I broke the hug, trying not to cry again.

"Well, I think your friend will help you change your mind. When you see how happy she is as a cunt, you'll want to join her," said Cadance. "And I have some big news to share that might help, too."

"News?"

Cadance blushed. "I was going to save this until after your conversion, but you may as well know now. I'm with foal, Twilight."

"With foal?" I knew what she meant, of course, but I was stunned.

"I'm pregnant. It's Master's, too."

"Pregnant—oh my gosh. You're going to have a baby?!" I said, smiling despite the mixed emotions in my gut.

"Yes!" said Cadance. "Apparently foals aren't automatically infected, so she won't be a vampony coming out, which is good for safety reasons. But it's a girl, and I'm due in four months." She grinned wide enough to flash her back teeth at me.

"I'm... I'm really happy for you," I said. "I'd be ecstatic in any other situation, I just don't want her to be hurt... but you and my brother would—no, you will—make wonderful parents."

I believe it, too. No matter how bucked-up they might be, I can't imagine my brother ever doing anything that would run the risk of hurting his baby daughter. Dear Celestia, I just hope they're right about the sex thing.

"Do you want some breakfast?" she asked me.

"Please," I said.

"Good. Because once you've eaten, we have another pleasant surprise for you."

We ate, and I allowed Cadance to replug me with Rarity's toy. I'm back with Team Creepy for now, but I'm scared to death of what might happen if I orgasm again...

I kind of hope I never have another orgasm, Journal. I can't keep toggling back and forth like this. I need help to be whole again.

Princess Cadance led me into the throne room.

"Sit in front of the thrones and bow your head. Don't lift it until you're told to," said Cadance. "Trust me, you'll appreciate this."

Flash Sentry and my brother were here, both taking the Stance. I did as I was bid, shivering with nerves.

I hope this is Applejack, I thought to myself. One way or another, we'll finish this nightmare.

I heard a side door open and the slow clop of somepony else enter the room, much too slow to be anypony but a Master in the Stance. He stopped right in front of my face. He was wearing black boots made of shiny vinyl. Then I saw the riding crop tap my chin and tug my gaze upwards.

"Who... Moondancer?" I said, looking up at him—or her, rather.

Moondancer is an old friend from back when I lived in Canterlot, one of very few ponies I can relate to, intellectually. She's probably the only pony I know well who might be a bigger dork than I am. People say we look a lot alike, but I don't see it. She used to wear a ragged black sweater everywhere, tie her forelock up, and had horn-rimmed black glasses complete with nerd tape.

She looked different today.

Her glasses were the same, but her manetie was black rather than pink, and her black sweater was replaced with a chestpiece of black vinyl that ended mid-thigh on her forelegs. She wore a scowl on her face. But most of my attention was drawn to the large, erect black vinyl horsecock between her legs, currently dangling over my head. It was strapped to her belly and came complete with false balls. It matched the black vinyl of her chest and boots, naturally... and the onyx of her featureless collar and earrings.

Or was it his, rather? I wasn't really sure at the moment, though I figured (correctly, it turns out) her was still more appropriate.

She towered over me, a nasty sneer spreading across her muzzle. "Sparkle," she said, as though my name itself were an invective. "Well, well. It's nice to see you finally where you belong."

"Moondancer?" I repeated, still stunned. I received a stinging slap of the crop to one cheek—more surprising than painful.

"It does not speak without permission. It refers to Master with 'yes, Master'," she spoke crisply.

"I, I..."

Swat. Just as one cheek stopped stinging, the other one was smacked.

"Yes, Master," I replied without even thinking, lowering my gaze. It wasn't the pain, as it was slight enough to ignore. It was the humiliation that hurt. Somehow, though, it felt right. I knew I deserved this, and I knew why.

This time she lifted my chin with her hoof, bent over awkwardly at the hips. "I needed you and you abandoned me!" she accused, her eyes tearing up. "I'm surprised you even remember my name... Princess of Friendship, my ass!"

Her hoof raised the crop high overhead, and I winced. Then my brother's aura caught it.

"Not in anger, Master Moondancer," said my brother. He wore a stern frown.

"She... she did this to me!" said Moondancer, but she released the crop and let it clatter to the floor. She fell to all fours after it, tears running down her cheeks. "I gave up on friendship completely after you missed my party, you selfish jerk! You were the only one in school who understood me, and you never cared..."

Without waiting for permission, I reared up and hugged her. "I was a terrible friend. I'm sorry," I said, holding her tight in my forelegs. Moondancer simply cried into my shoulder and shivered.

We stayed like that for at least a minute. Nopony in the room said anything. Finally, we broke the hug, and I spoke.

"I think... I think you should..." I started.

"Master, may it speak," she corrected me, wiping her eyes.

"Master, may it speak?" I asked, frowning.

"Please," she said.

"I... it wants to speak as a friend," I said.

"You may. I guess if you want to pretend to be my friend, that's better than nothing," she said and looked down at the floor.

This time it was my turn to pull her chin upwards. "No. I want to be your friend. Moondancer, I didn't know the first thing about friendship when I abandoned you. I'm truly, truly sorry..."

She nodded and suppressed the waterworks from reemerging. "I'd really like that, Twilight."

I sighed. "And I know you want to punish me, and I deserve it," I added, and reached over to grab the crop in one hoof, handing it to her. "Y-you can hurt me now."

A look of disbelief crossed her face. "You're serious."

I nodded.

Moondancer's face grew sad. "I don't want to hurt you, Twilight Sparkle! I want to give you what you need," she said, her voice suddenly meek.

"Master Moondancer is applying to be your Master, Twilight," said my brother.

I was stunned. "But... why? You're right, I abandoned you when you needed me—"

"—and if it weren't for the Order, I'd still be boarded up in my apartment like a friendless recluse," said Moondancer. "They saved me, Twilight. They've helped me learn to forgive you. And now, if you want, we could share something very special together."

"Since this mess began, I've been falling head over heels for friends and crushes," I admitted. "In all this time I never imagined I might be with someone who actually understands me and my interests. Maybe Spike, but he's still so young."

Moondancer smiled. "We have a lot in common. That's why I've petitioned to own you for a while, to see if things work out. I'm planning to move to Ponyville, at least temporarily until I know if you'll be my permanent property."

I blushed. "I sort of thought Flash was going to end up being my Master..." I looked in his direction, but couldn't meet his gaze with my eyes.

"Maybe someday," said Flash, "or at least I could borrow you and be a large part of your life. But your siblings still need me in the Crystal Kingdom for now. We'll see."

"Twilight," said Moondancer, retaking the Stance and tapping the crop to my chin again—this time held in her magic rather than by hoof, "once my petition goes through the Court, you're going to be mine. We'll learn together if it's a good fit. You don't get a choice in the selection process: you have to give me a chance. Do you understand?"

Slowly, I nodded my head. "Of course. I want to give you a chance, anyway. I just... I'll miss being intimate with Applejack and Rainbow Dash..."

Several chuckles went around the room. "You silly horse. I'm going to force you to fuck your friends on a regular basis. You won't miss anything," she said. "How do you not understand this yet?"

"She's still fixed," said Flash Sentry. "The marbles on her are accurate."

"What? Why?" asked Moondancer.

"We wanted to give her a chance to go through the process with Applejack, when she arrives this evening," said Shining Armor.

"Aww. That's adorable," said Moondancer. "Things will make much more sense once you're a broken cunt, Twilight. In the meantime, it would behoove you to learn your place."

Moondancer pushed down on her vinyl cock with one forehoof, booping it against my nose. I panted softly. "M-master, may it...?"

"Show me what a cunt you are," she demanded, grinning a fangy grin. Leaning down, she snapped a leash on the ring of my collar, like I was some kind of dog. I suddenly realized that's what the ring was for. (I honestly don't know why I didn't figure that out earlier—I think I saw Cadance tied to a post with it back when I first spied on her and Brother. Dear Celestia, how far I've come since that horrifying first glimpse...)

"Yes Master," I said, filled with a strange sense of pride. It didn't make sense, Journal. I was being treated like an animal (a non-sapient beast, I mean—I know I'm technically an animal), and yet I was proud of what was happening to me.

Almost instinctively, I leaned forward and kissed the tip of her cock. The smell of latex was almost disappointing compared to the real thing, but still intriguing. It didn't matter that her penis wasn't real. I was able to show her love and gratitude this way, and so I did.

It was large, maybe even larger than my brother's, and it barely fit into my lips. She pressed it into my mouth and held the back of my head with a hoof. "Very good, my little bitch. I've been made aware you have little experience with dick... and I have to admit, so do I—for now. Don't worry, though. Even if Flash Sentry isn't available, I'll make sure you get plenty of real dick in your diet."

I remembered my lesson from Pip and pulled my lips back over my teeth. Even though she couldn't feel it, it felt important to me. My tongue gently stroked the underside of the flexible rod, and I moaned nasally.

I'm not sure how long I sucked on her. It didn't seem long, but my mind was whirling. She pulled herself free and giggled, thwapping me in the face sidelong with it. "You and I are going to have so much fun!" she declared, then fell to all fours to look me in the eye. Taking my leash with one hoof, she yanked sharply on it, planting my muzzle on hers, and we began to kiss.

It's hard to give details at this point. We kissed for several minutes while Cadance (at Shining's behest, presumably something Moondancer had earlier requested) came over and petted my mane and withers like a dog. I was starting to remember being a foal again, back when Moondancer and I worked as lab partners. I remembered being close to her, and never quite feeling close enough... I didn't understand those feelings, but I think I had a crush on her? I was so naive. It didn't matter anymore, though. Here I was with her vampony tongue encircling mine, gently kissing, giving myself to her physically and mentally. I didn't want this to end.

I didn't get my wish, unfortunately. Moondancer broke the kiss and grinned. "Fuck. I love these vampony senses. I can smell just how turned on you are. I want to pound that pussy right here and now, bitch, but I believe your father has dibs. Besides, Lady Cadance needs to prepare you for your friend's arrival. My time with you today is limited, but in the near future we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

I pouted, and nodded. "Thank you Mistress—I mean, Master."

Moondancer shrugged. "I think I prefer Master, but I'm not certain yet. I do, however, prefer you." One quick kiss on the lips from my would-be Master, then Cadance took my leash and led me out of the room.

Minutes later, we had returned to my room. We'd made the walk in silence, with me absorbed in my thoughts. I imagined Moondancer sitting on my face and ordering me to lick her. The grossness of it all didn't faze me anymore. I wanted to show her I loved her, no matter what it took, even if I didn't truly love her yet.

Would I love her?

"So tell me your thoughts," said Princess Cadance, leading me to a small table somepony had brought into the room. It was covered with cosmetics.

"This is what she meant by preparing me?" I asked. "I guess Rarity isn't here to do it."

"I'm pretty good with a makeup brush," said Cadance, with a wink.

"I know. You're always so perfect," I commented. "I mean, you look great, all the time."

"Soon, you will too. Being beautiful is important for a mare. It's your job to make dicks and clits hard whenever you're out and about," she cooed, petting my mane as she sat me down on one side of the table.

"I figured this might happen eventually just by being a princess," I said. "It almost sounds frustrating that way, though. Dressing and primping to turn other ponies on... I guess it works if society is sexualized enough, though."

"Exactly. Besides, as a good cunt, you'll put out whenever somepony wants. They can just walk on up to you and grope your tits or pussy if they feel like it," she explained.

(I could feel myself sloppy with moisture.)

Cadance began to apply makeup. I sat still, but spoke when she wasn't tending to my lips. "What is it like having a Master, though? Is it like being married?" I asked. "I think I feel strongest toward Applejack right now, but I can't have her as a Master because she isn't a Master."

"Marriage is different from having a Master. Both are intimate life-long relationships, and your Master may be one of the ponies you end up marrying. But you don't need to marry your Master," said Cadance, painting my eyes with a brush. "We're still sort of shooting blind on the relationships, though. All of this is very new, so we'll be learning together as a society as we begin to build the sorts of relationships we want ponies to have together."

"One of the ponies? You can marry multiple ponies?" I asked.

"We expect plural marriages to be reasonably common, yes," said Cadance. "There may be different kinds of marriage as well."

"What does marriage even mean, then?" I asked.

"Well, it's a commitment to spend your lives together, and to work things out in times of trial. I sort of expect you and your six friends—including Spike—will end up in a group marriage," said Cadance. "One of the reasons we're entertaining Moondancer as your Master is that we no longer expect Rainbow Dash will be a Mistress. We think it's more likely she'll be a Lady."

My heart sank. "Have you captured her already?" I asked.

"I'm... not at liberty to say... oh, fuck it. No, we haven't. We're worried about her, so if there's anything you can tell us to help find her, please do," she said.

I sighed. I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. "I told her to keep Spike safe, and to go public with the vampony information as soon as possible. If she hasn't done it already, I have no idea what she's up to."

"Probably keeping Spike safe. We have informants throughout the media companies in Canterlot to head that latter possibility off," she said. "Revealing information on the vamponies right now could start a war, or worse. It wouldn't be safe for anypony."

"I know. That's the only reason I'm telling you," I said. "I don't want anything to happen to her, and I don't think initiating a confrontation is in anypony's best interests anymore. You're rational enough to talk to. If the conversion process doesn't bring me over to your side, I think you'll actually listen to what I have to say."

"We would, of course," said Cadance. "We've even suspended operations until you're converted. The Mayor was the last pony we intend to turn until we've turned you—not counting Rainbow Dash, Celestia, or Spike, naturally."

"Naturally," I said, sardonically.

Cadance opened my mouth with a hooftip. "It's not so bad," she insisted, painting my lips bright pink. "Spike will be better off once he's no longer torn between loyalties. Fighting Rarity is hurting him."

I waited for my lips to finish. "I suppose," I finally said, then looked up as Cadance raised a hoof mirror.

I looked incredible, though not in a traditional sense. I had on so much makeup I looked like a whorse. Every action of my face was punctuated by the decorations: blinking drew attention to my long mascaraed eyelashes, opening my mouth made my lips look like a puffy vulva, and tilting my head drew attention to the excessive fur blush. It wasn't attractive because it was natural, it was just the opposite. I looked beautiful because I looked like I was trying to look beautiful. I looked like a toy made up specifically to harden and service cock, and it was this fact that was arousing, not the makeup itself.

"Dear Celestia," I whispered, taking an empty gulp of air.

"It will be your job to service Applejack once she's ready, and this will help to turn her on. It's part of your duty as a princess to be a prominent cunt," she explained, and kissed me square on the lips. "Mmm. I want to fuck you right now, but I'm not supposed to. We want you to be hungry for your friend."

"This is it, isn't it? I accept my fate with her, or you'll force it on me," I said. "I should feel nervous, but I feel relieved instead. I don't even care about becoming a vampony anymore. I'm just scared to death I'll feel miserable if I have another orgasm..."

"Twilight Sparkle, listen to me. That lovely marefriend of yours will hold you close and love you, and she'll help you to get through these feelings you're struggling with. Just let it happen, okay?" she said. "I promise you can do this."

I hope she's right, Journal.

I've finished writing this down, and Applejack has arrived and been placed in a room. They're setting everything up to make our meeting as romantic and personal as possible. I'm still not sure what will happen, as I'm finding it difficult to predict my own reaction to things anymore. I hope it will all be over soon.

Somehow, I have a creeping premonition that it won't be that simple.

I'm ready to go now. I've missed you Applejack. I'm bringing the book, ink, and light with me in my saddlebags. She's in the Princess Suite and I expect I may be holed up in there overnight.

Day 60 (Enter Applejack) (Part 1 of 2)

Wow. It's been a long day, Journal.

After a light snack, Princess Cadance fixed my makeup and re-lubed my ass plug. Then she took me down the hallway to another suite.

"Enjoy yourself, Twilight. Just know this is your last chance. Don't fight us any longer," she begged. "I know you want to give in. We'll take you to see Celestia once you've lost your marbles."

"I can't imagine why I would resist at this point," I admitted. "I'd say 'let's just get this over with' but I've been looking forward to meeting AJ again. If she's truly on board with you, I'll let her break me."

Cadance smiled. "Good cunt. We'll prove Luna's 'source' wrong," she said, then kissed my cheek. "Have fun." She opened the door, ushered me in, then shut and locked it behind me.

Inside the room, Applejack was laying on the floor beside a very large bed. She had on a new kind of copper shoes with a mesh on the bottom, a copper collar, and copper earrings. She stood up and walked over to me, and we embraced.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she whispered, hugging me tightly. I relaxed into her legs and nuzzled back at her neck.

"Me too," I said. I broke the hug and pulled back, then looked her eye to eye.

"That makeup looks silly on you, Twi," she said with a grin. "Maybe fetish-pretty, but you're so buckin' beautiful without it."

I blushed. "I don't see it," I said.

"I know, darlin'. I know." Applejack pulled me up to the bed, lifted me with her forelegs and placed me down, then climbed up beside me.

"So they got you, I guess?" I asked.

She nodded. "Sure did. Took 'em a while, though. You know how stubborn this mare can be, but my whole family was pullin' for me, and I can't fight family. And now I'm happier'n a pig in slop." She cuddled me close. "I want you to break, hon. It won't hurt none and we can finally move on to bigger and better things. Are you ready to play nice?"

I sighed, and nodded back. "I guess I am," I said. "I'm scared, AJ. It's no excuse, I know, but all these changes..."

"Yeah, they're goin' too fast. We all love each other, though, so we'll figure it out okay as we go," she said. "I know this ain't helpin, by the way, but I'm powerful horny right now."

I chuckled. "I'm a more than a little horny myself. I'd probably be horny even without the stupid cuff on my horn," I said. "I'm mostly relieved to see you, but feeling myself in your legs is taking me back to that night we spent together. I know you were just a victim of the vampony curse, but it meant something to me."

"It meant somethin' to me too, sugarcube." Applejack lifted my chin with a hoof and looked at me with watery eyes. "Now I got whole worlds of pleasure to show you, if'n you'll let me."

I could detect an odd scent, like sweat, even though Applejack was freshly washed and her mane shampoo smelled like lilacs. Then I noticed what looked like thick, stubby twigs sticking out from the inside of each leg.

"AJ? Are those your chestnuts?" I asked, staring at them.

"Heh, thought you might notice those. Yeah, I ain't cut 'em in a couple weeks now, and I've been careful not to rub them off neither," she said, lifting one leg to my face.

The calloused skin of the small spot on the inside of her leg vaguely resembled rough tree bark, and it had a strong, earthen, horsey smell to it. I'd never looked at a chestnut this close up, and I'd never seen one this large. Unicorns don't get them, and pegasi only have them on the rear legs. Since becoming a pegacorn, I've kept the chestnuts on my rear legs sanded down on a daily basis, even here in captivity.

"Is it... pheromonal?" I asked, feeling my nostrils flare. "I never believed in pheromones, but some of the scents I've encountered lately have changed my mind. Something Princess Celestia covered up, sadly."

"You like it? Smells like workhorse to me, nice and personal." Without asking, she rubbed the chestnut skin against the side of my muzzle, spreading her scent on me. "They look awful unkempt like this. Maybe Master'll force me to rub 'em all over Rarity's face just to watch her squirm." She grinned evilly.

"Anything that smells like Applejack is a good thing," I said, leaning back up to kiss her on the lips. We locked tongues briefly.

"You're sweeter than pie," she whispered. "Lemme show you somethin' else special. Help me take off my shoes. They're unlocked."

I helped AJ remove her shoes, and we set them beside the bed. Something was definitely wrong with her hooves. Her frogs were swollen so large they extended past the nail of the hoof! They looked almost like smooth, puffy vulvas.

"Dear Celestia, AJ! What happened to your frogs?" I said, gasping. "You can't kick trees like that!"

"Hush, darlin'. That's what the shoes are for, and they work just fine. But now, without the shoes, my hooves are for sex only. Go on, touch 'em. Just be real careful about it, 'cause they're more sensitive than a pregnant cow's udder."

I gently touched the soft, puffy surface of her frog. Applejack winced and shivered as though I were hoofing her vagina. "What did they do to you?" I whispered aloud.

"It's a permanent treatment," she said, panting softly. "Turns the hooves of an earth pony into fuck toys. I could orgasm just by rubbing one of these up against your pretty cunt," she revealed. "When you finally go full alicorn, we'll do you up too. I'd love to show you what a hoofgasm feels like."

Something stirred within my loins. I pulled her leg up and kissed her right on the chestnut. It was surprisingly a bit oily, and tasted like salt and horse. It wasn't pleasant, but I licked my lips nonetheless and felt a strange arousal hit me. Moving back up to the hoof, I gently kissed her frog and dipped my tongue into the cleft. Her body jerked and spasmed. It was all I could do to keep her hoof from kicking me in the face.

"F-fuck, Twi. Eat my hoofpussies," she whined. "P-please."

Her frog had a distinct odor and flavor to it, even though it was clean. Hooves smell from bacteria (mostly the inside of the wall), which is disgusting—and I can't blame pheromones like I can with, say, Applejack's vulva or vagina. Nonetheless, there was something attractive about the scent. I don't know whether it was perversion or insanity but I inhaled deeply and relished the tanginess.

Is this supposed to be erotic? There's no evolutionary reason somepony would be attracted to hooves, yet Applejack's hoof is closer to a vulva than I'd ever been, and it was an intimate part of her body. I think I'm falling in love with every part of her, Journal. I don't know whether I should be proud or terrified.

I took her other forehoof in my hooves and stroked the soft flesh of one frog as I tongued against her other frog. It wasn't long before she screamed and sprayed onto the bedcovers.

"Mercy! No more," she gasped. "C-cool down."

I released her hooves and held her in my legs, and she immediately locked lips with me anew. Her long tongue tickled my tonsils. (Well, not really—I had my tonsils and adenoids surgically removed when I was five years old. But you get the picture.) We kissed for what seemed like several minutes, then we broke free and she smiled at me as she gingerly wiped her hooves against the bed.

"My turn, I take it?" I said, biting furtively at my lip.

"You don't sound excited, hon." She caressed my cheek with the back of a hoof. There was concern behind her eyes.

"I'm still waiting to be broken," I said. "I guess the nerves will be there until it's finally too late for me."

"Well, we got one of them stone thingies under the bed. I could watch your noodle melt while I shove my hoof up that darlin' cunt of yours. Wouldn't that be a nice way to go?"

I felt a pleasurable throb from deep within my vagina. "Y-yeah. I'd like to hold off on it a little, though. I miss just talking with you, to be honest."

"No worries. Besides, they gave us a couple other distractions we could try out," she said, and pointed at the nightstand. There were two very small glass vials there labeled with the 'male' symbol, and two wine glasses with a bottle of wine on ice. "The wine's got somethin' special in it for later, but I wanna see what happens when you chug one of them little drinks first."

I reached over and picked up a vial, which contained a tiny dose of blue liquid—hardly a mouthful. "A potion? Male hormones?" I asked.

"Somethin' like that. You don't want me to give away the surprise, do ya?" She winked at me, as though I weren't already disarmed by her smile.

I smiled weakly. "I trust you," I said, then uncorked the little vial and downed the contents in one gulp. It tasted like blueberries and soap, not a pleasant combination, but it went down easily enough. Almost immediately I felt a warmth in my groin.

"Oh my gosh. It is male hormones, isn't it?" I said, shifting how I lay to spread my hind legs.

"Better," said Applejack, with a smile too wide to be simply friendly. "Lie face up on the floor so your nethers are pointin' up."

I quickly obeyed, then watched in a mixture of shock and horror as the flesh between my legs shifted. Something inside me was pushing downward, and my labia fused together except for the tip which began to elongate up toward my teats.

"This is impossible," I said, my legs twitching. "There's no way to change a pony's physical sex!"

"Apparently there is," said Applejack. "Just enjoy it, sugarcube."

My gonads filled out the fused labia, forming a large scrotum taut with new testicles inside, instantly pumping testosterone into my bloodstream. My clitoris—now a penis—emerged from my sheath, which sat nestled between my teats. My teats had shrunk a little but were still present, oddly enough.

Then I felt a surge of overwhelming pleasure and desire from the hormones, and I barely kept myself from screaming.

"This... this is impossible," I gasped, my new male genitals fully developed. My penis was beginning to emerge from its sheath, hard and thick.

"Again, darlin', I know you ain't slow on the uptake, but clearly—"

"I know Celestia lied, that's not what I mean! I mean that vial did more than turn me into a stallion—"

"A mare with a tallywacker, you mean," interrupted Applejack, "instead of a hoo-hah."

"Okay, not that I see the difference, but I think that vial contained vampony blood, Applejack! There's no way this... incredible arousal... could be normal for a stallion!" I said. "They'd never be able to get anything done in a day!" My cock visibly pulsed against my belly, and I had to lie as still as possible to avoid setting it off. It was like having a small part of my body made entirely out of a solid version of methyl ethyl ketone peroxide!

Applejack laughed. "You have no idea what stallions gotta put up with, do you hon?" Then she saw my expression of what must have been horror, and her face softened. "Darlin', welcome to bein' a boy. You don't get to decide when you wanna be horny no more. You just gotta find ways to deal with it." She sidled up next to me and placed a leg behind my neck, careful so as not to touch my engorged member.

"Help me?" I gasped.

"Well, that's easy enough," she said. "I betcha gotta hair trigger on that thing there between your pretty little tits."

Applejack leaned down and licked the head of my cock with the flat of her ribbony vampony tongue, and I literally saw stars.

I came, hard, but I don't remember the next few seconds.

Afterwards, my friend was gently pressing beneath my ballsac, milking my prostate and pushing the fluid manually up the shaft of my penis to drool out onto my belly. My chest and neck were covered in disgusting goo, which she licked up with gusto, moaning all the while. I was near catatonic, so I didn't respond to any of this. Eventually she gave me a deep kiss, and I tasted the bleachy flavor of my own semen—really nasty, but I suppose it's an acquired taste. Even though it tasted awful it still felt naughty sampling my own flavor through AJ's lips.

Eventually I was able to speak again. "What... the buck... was that," I said, gasping.

"That there was a regular-type cockgasm, darlin'. You like?" Applejack wiggled her eyebrows in a silly fashion.

"I don't know," I said, in full honesty. "I feel a little nauseated, and there's pleasure crawling through my skin, but terrible guilt that overwhelms it."

Applejack sighed and nodded. "It ain't easy gettin' used to bein' a big boy. Master told me stories of how rough it was when he first started havin' emissions. He hated it for a solid month, until he started gettin' into a rhythm, and even then he was mighty embarrassed. You gotta be brave to accept sex as a stallion."

I shuddered as my freshly tongue-cleaned penis (it feels so weird writing "my penis") slowly softened against my belly. "I can't imagine. I didn't realize it could feel like this," I said. "But it's clear this isn't the vampony curse. I feel awful inside, and I haven't seen evidence of that kind of guilt from anyvamp so far."

Then AJ grinned at me. "Straight up. Y'know, there's a simple cure to gettin' rid of that bad feelin' forever. And it comes with a big pile of rewards, to boot."

"Guilt is useful, AJ—" I began.

"I know it is, hon," she said, interrupting me with a bulbous hoof to my lips. "We're only gonna rip out the useless kind of guilt from that precious little noodle between your ears. You'll never miss it, I can promise you that much."

Staring down at her hoof, I realized the puffy surface reminded me even more of the head of a pony's cock than it did a vulva. I hadn't recognized it at first because I was still so unfamiliar with penises, but it resembled my own cockhead where it lay on my belly... only much larger and more imposing. (It's kind of ironic, really. I always used to imagine penises being as large and thick as hooves, but they're actually quite reasonably sized. I suspect it might not even hurt to take one in the anus, provided you take precautions. But I guess that's why I have this plug up my ass, because my brother is larger than the average stallion, and I think my ass belongs to him. No, wait, I mean I think he thinks that. Not me... um... yet.)

"What now?" I ask her, feeling nervous as the uncomfortable icky feeling finally begins to fade.

"Now you ain't got no hair trigger no more, so I can tease you somethin' fierce. Maybe we'll put that someplace more interesting than just a tap to the tongue," she whispered in my ear. "I bet your next kaboom gets even bigger." She winked at me, setting my heart aflutter.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, my eyes widening. "You don't want me to, put it, um..."

"Wherever you want, hon. Though I wanna save my cherry for Master. He was gonna take it right in front of you once you're a good broken bitch," she said, turning around and setting her rump in my face. Applejack pulled her labia apart, and I could see that past her vestibule was a horseshoe-shaped hymen. I could immediately smell her vulva and vagina, and for a brief moment it turned my stomach, but I quickly acclimated to it.

"You're a virgin?!" I said, with a gasp. "But... but you said you were experienced, didn't you?"

AJ chuckled. "I ain't no virgin, I just never had my cherry popped," she explained. "There's lots of sex you can do without losin' your maidenhead. I've given plenty of head, did me some hot-doggin', hoofjobs, lezzed out with Dash and even Rares one time, teased cocks with my nook... Tartarus, I even took it up the butt once, though that wasn't much fun. I didn't know what I was doin' back then. Now I'm currently in trainin' to get assfucked, just like a good cunt. Just like you, I mean."

"I don't know what some of that is," I murmured meekly. "But, I, um... you want me to do something with my penis?" Already I could feel a stirring within it as blood began to pump back into the spongy mass. It hadn't even been five minutes! This wasn't just a part of my body, it was a part of my brain. It was most of my brain. This organ was tasked with my betrayal, a cluster of masses of tissues and juices that would never, ever listen to reason. I belonged to that stiff pecker; to those round, firm balls; to that tensing prostate rousing me back to a need borne by desperation. I realized fully that I was going to do whatever it told me to, and it terrified me. I had no will whatsoever to fight either the pleasure coursing through my re-hardening dick or my friend's lustful temptations.

And I really, really, really love Applejack, Journal. I now know that I mean that statement in every sense of the word "love", including the sense you use for a favorite food, like hayfries.

Well, this was the end, I thought, staring into that drooling abyss of pink flesh, despite much of it temporarily blocked off by a thin, curved sheet of flesh (which I could tell was holding back a lake of moisture that hadn't yet trickled over the spillway). I knew (and I know) Twilight Sparkle isn't going to exist for very much longer. Princess Luna was simply misinformed: my future as Toilet Spunkhole was neigh. I was ready to welcome it, not because I had no choice, but because I wanted no choice... I wanted the absence of choice with every fiber of my body and what little (even with my marbles remaining) remained of my stupidly rational brain. I still do, even after what you're about to read next.

Applejack turned back around and leaned in close. "So. What do you wanna do?" she whispered up against my lips.

"I w-want to be your plowhorse, Applejack," I said, stunned as the words exited my filthy mouth. I hadn't even thought them. They just appeared, like a cheap illusionist trick (no offense to The Great and Powerful Trixie—I really hope she's okay, whatever became of her, but I'm sure she and Braeburn Apple will have their fangs soon—and I'm ashamed to admit that gives me a deep and satisfying thrill... but it does).

She smiled gently. "Well, you could fuck my ass," she said casually as anything, "but it will take a bit of work to open up my pucker. You could fuck my face and throat if you want, but to be honest I'd probably end up doing more of the fuckin' than you. Or... you could just fuck my pussy without poppin' me." Her eyes widened like a crazed madmare.

"F-fuck... without breaking your hymen?" I said. "How is that possible?"

"Just don't go past the nook, that's all," she said.

"Oh, you mean the vestibule. I was looking at it just now, it's bigger than I imagined it would be... I'm still not used to hoofing myself, and now that Dash, um, ate me..." I said, blushing. "I've never looked this closely at the interior of a horse vulva before now. It looks like it could hold the whole head of my, um, my cock, and maybe a little more. But how would I keep from going any further?"

"You'd have to push pretty hard to pop me open, so if you don't mount, it probably ain't gonna happen. It wouldn't be the end of the world if it did, but I kinda want you to watch Master pop me up close. Seein' his incestuous cock poppin' me open like a little filly... my sweet blood leakin' out for you to suck up as you kiss his pecker and let your long tongue slip in beside it... you'll be one of us by then, you see. I want you to be a part of the experience as he blows me open all permanent-like, so you can feel the same submission to Master's will that I get to."

"Shit," I whispered. "I, wow. That should be disgusting, but it's really hot. You vamponies have already perverted my mind beyond any rational thought." I sighed, resigned to my fate. You can't unpickle a pickle, and my brain was already as fermented as oversaturated sauerkraut.

"Mmm. But y'all could still beat him to the punch if'n you want," she said, an evil-looking fangy grin spreading across her muzzle. "He never said I couldn't get in the family way; he just said he wants to bust my cunt open wider than Ponyville Dam. You could splash me, and who knows? Maybe the dice will roll in your favor..."

I blinked a few times. "I don't understand. What are you talking about?" (Now that I have time to reflect, I think I did understand, at least subconsciously: my heart started pounding faster than a cloudhammer.)

"Well, maybe I'll tell you once you're on the edge," she said, with yet another flirty wink (she's been doing a lot of that, but it still gets me every time). "Or maybe I'll just let you sort that one out on your own." Applejack turned one-eighty degrees again and lifted her rump in my face. I saw her clit pulse out into view with a brief throbbing wink, and I swallowed an empty mouth of air. "Just relax and do what I say. I ain't the best at this cause I'm no Lady—we don't think so yet, at any rate—but I don't mind directin' a friend to the way-things-oughta-be."

I nodded silently, and she turned her head back around, then stuck it between her legs so she could watch me upside down beneath her barrel. "You're not used to pussy, I know. So I'm not gonna ask you to eat me out like some starved varmint, but I at least wanna see you kiss my button, sugar lump. Get some of that apple juice on your lips, and just go on and deal with the taste. I believe you're strong enough to handle it by now. And if you're scared, just let that monster between your hind legs do all the thinkin' for you."

I nodded again, and leaned forward. At this point I realized her juices were dripping like a little bubbling cunt-creek, pooling first behind her wall, then into her vestibule, and finally dripping around her throbbing clit and drizzling onto my belly. Everything smelled like pussy now and I didn't even care. And it wasn't just pussy, it was Applejack. Maybe that's why I didn't care? This was her scent. There was something powerful and earthen and primal about it, and it was so personal that I wanted to make it a part of me, no matter how stomach-turning that might seem.

I honestly believe that it didn't matter whether or not I was horny. I did this because I wanted to do it, for her. Sure, my penis was throbbing and pushing me forwards, but all I truly wanted was to get closer to Applejack and my addled brain decided that this was the way to do it. Lips first, drinking from her slippery fuck-fountain (wow, okay, that sounds really lewd).

I'm almost afraid to admit this, but initially, my eyes kept being drawn to her puckered anus. It winked in front of me, flashing a little pink, and it was right then that I noticed just how bizarrely clean it was. Smooth, fresh, without blemish or remnants of fecal matter; though it did have a glossy sheen to the interior which I suspected was natural grease coming from the special skin glands around the anus which lubricate the passage in case of constipation or tight stools (or just in general, as for all I know it may have pheromonal qualities). It had a scent to it, a little but like feces, but not. I strongly suspect this was a personal flavor unique to AJ as well. (I was almost tempted to lean deeper into it and explore it, sick though that most certainly sounds, but my senses ended up being eclipsed by her cunt almost immediately thereafter. Further anal and ponut-based experimentations will need to wait.)

A little peck to the clit started things off. It was tangy, and I gasped once, but I licked the wetness from my lips. I winced a little at the tartness, but took a deep breath and calmed my nerves, then went in again. This time I kissed her flesh more firmly, and I felt it wink into my lips, like a tiny little cocktip kissing me back. It was hot—physically, I mean, it was very warm, almost providing a burning sensation, as I realized it was a little chilly in the room and my body was vampirically sucking the heat from her clitoris.

That seemed so appropriate. I wanted more.

I pushed my face up against her clit and began to lick. This spread the wetness over my muzzle and mere millimeters from my nostrils, coating me in her scent and flavor. I began to accept the river into my mouth where it mingled with my saliva and overpowered my senses. Part of me revulsed, but I could feel that part dying as I began to take pleasure in how my nervous system was becoming enmeshed with my friend—no, my lover—her body joining with mine, two physical forms becoming a single, connected unit. If she'd told me before this moment that being a... a dyke would provide as much of a bodily completion as heterosexual intercourse, I never would have believed her. (I mean, I'd have believed that she believed it, but you know what I mean.) In reality, the force between us was incredibly unifying. Being gay was every bit as much a miracle of biology as being straight.

I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was definitely bisexual, if not outright gay. I don't believe you can "turn gay" from experience, at least not generally, which left only one hypothesis: I was always this way, and it took training and personal intrusion by the vamponies to reveal the truth to me. Even if I changed my mind and decided to try to defeat the vamponies and restore the world to the way it had been before, there was something magical about sexual experimentation I had to admit had been missing from my life. It needed to be introduced into the lives of other ponies like me. Ponies needed to be shown sex in a positive way, guided into it even if they might be a little reluctant at first, for their own good...

Fuck. I can't possibly be defending what the vamponies have done to me, but I'm so happy this has happened with Applejack! Am I that far gone now? Will I feel this way about my parents soon? About Spike?

Dare I say... about Princess Celestia?

It's true. I want to make love to Princess Celestia. I'm so sorry, Princess. I know you're reading this right now in the totem copy in your mind, and I have no right to these feelings, but I still have them. I want to shove this cock right up your tight Princess asshole, just like that (well, assuming you're loose enough, I don't get off on the idea of hurting you in any way). I'm sure fucking your ass will feel more amazing than I can possibly imagine, partly from just the physical sensations of anal intercourse, but primarily because I sincerely love you and want to be with you in every possible way. Even that way.

Oh, fuck me... I actually feel this way. I think I've always felt this way... is that even possible? (Well, maybe not the cock-in-the-ass part, that's recent.)

Please, please forgive me for these impure thoughts, Celestia. I just... I just want to be close to you so badly, and even though you're kind of like my Mom, I...

Shit. That's making it even worse.

Forget it. I'll be civil when next we meet, whether I'm still on your side (somehow) or not. I just want you to know that I love you, and it's not just the hormones talking, although those are quite literally screaming at the moment. It's the fact that I've always held you on a pedestal, and I never thought a truly personal relationship with you was attainable... I was so blind, all these years! I'd be happy just to think of you as a friend. I want to be your friend, not just your faithful student. I want to be close to you.

But would I fuck you? Oh yes. Yes, I most definitely would do that thing. I would make you pisscum all over my face, or whatever it is that girls actually do because I still don't understand the mechanics exactly.

Crap, stop it Twilight, I have to stop this nonsense. Forget the previous seven paragraphs.

No. Don't forget them.

They're important.

Where was I? Ah, right.

AJ's very warm clit was pressed against my lips, and I was covered in her scent and immersed in her tangy taste as she dribbled and dripped past my lips along my gumline. It was about that point where I broke, and all the revulsion left my mind. I started pushing my nose deep into her "nook" and lapped my tongue around her clit, whining softly in pleasure. I felt her barrel bump my cock where it lay sandwiched between us, and I realized how vulnerable I was like this, lying on my back with her ass in my face.

"G-gonna cum if you don't stop that," cautioned Applejack, and then she pulled away from me.

I pouted with a soft, "Aww," but licked my lips and basked in the feeling in my mouth as my foul pussy-drenched breath assaulted my nostrils. Not that it mattered, mind you, as they were already coated in "apple juice". (Although that seems more appropriate for describing AJ's pee, because urine resembles apple cider quite a bit due to the common coloration and protein content which causes similar frothing. But I don't think I would like having my friend's pee in my mouth... but then again I'll bet vamponies do that disgusting nonsense too. Ugh, it's actually turning me on to think about it. I am so filthy. And that's turning me on as well, the idea itself of being a pervert? Dear Celestia. Wait, I really need to stop invoking her name in conjunction with disgusting sex acts. Is drinking piss really a sex act, anyway? Argh, stop, Twilight! Sorry Princess.)

Okay, um, back to the story.

Applejack grinned at me upside down (which still translated as a smile, which is rather interesting from an iconographic standpoint) and pursed her lips, blowing me a kiss. "Great job, Twily," she said, emphasizing my Brother's pet name... because I'm his property, naturally, and she wanted to remind me of this unalterable fact. "I'm so proud of you right now, I could spit. But I won't, because I'm about to send you on the ride of your life."

Applejack leaned her body away from me and she crouched down, tilting her rump to make contact between her drooling labia and the place where my cock firmly emerged from its sheath. I felt her flesh moistening my sheath and teats (or tits; is that naughtier?) as she slid along the length of my pole, covering me with her juices. Since she'd tilted upward, the contents being walled off by two embankments: 0) her "cherry" and 1) the base of her vestibule, the fluid which had accumulated at those points spilled forth, basically drenching my entire cock with her scent. Immediately it bounced upward and slapped wetly against her labia, a lewd "splap" sound emanating forth accompanied by a spray of pussy juice which almost hit me in the eyes.

"Oh, f-fuck," I gasped, unable to say anything non-profane in response to the show she was giving me.

"That's comin', Mister Sparkle," she teased (since she'd claimed I was a "mare with a tallywhacker" I think she still saw me as female—I still felt that way, despite the cock, oddly enough—but that touch of teasing did send a thrilling pulse of pleasure down my all-too masculine shaft), then met my stiff member in midair with her cuntlips. Slowly, she slid down the length of my pole with her labia, bottoming at the sheath and teats, then pressed firmly against it as she raised back up anew.

She perched her pussy at the tip of my shaft with all the skill of an acrobat, and her cunt began to "nibble" against the head of my cock, threatening to engulf it.

"I, I don't think I c-could, c-can keep myself f-from fucking," I stammered, my voice deep but soft.

"Just lay right there pretty boy. I'll do all the fuckin', and you won't have to keep squat," she ordered.

"Right, because you're doing the s-squatting," I joked, then grinned sheepishly.

Applejack laughed, and my heart did a flip. Her laughs are so bright, just like Celestia's mid-Summer Sun. Then her face grew serious, and she lipped the rim of her pussy over the top of my cockhead. I felt my ridge push against her folds, and gasped as it took purchase.

Applejack had taken my cock into her vestibule.

I felt heat radiating from all around the head of my penis, the soft, wet, pillowy flesh tensing and wiggling around it. The sensation was indescribable. I felt like I was becoming a part of her body. This was the reason for existence, I realized. This was love made manifest in physical form. Everything within me was demanding that I mate with this beautiful mare I called friend and lover, to thrust past that thin barrier and up her vagina, to squirt my colt cream up into her womb, to make her my significant other, Mother to my children, Wife to my... whatever it is that I had become.

"A-ay Jay," I whined. "I want t-to cum so badly, you have to pull off! I'm g-gonna squirt again!" With all my resolve, I lay there and allowed her to have control, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Letting her take the reigns had resulted in the most amazing experience of my life so far. There was no reason for me to do anything other than trust her with all my heart, and I did.

"That's the idea, ya silly dickmare," she said, and despite her face being upside down as she stared through her legs, I could tell her smile was wistful. "Don't it sound nice, cumming in my warm cunt? You can spray that jizz over my cherry and up into my vag. You don't even need to pop me, and you can still put me in the family way, if we get lucky enough. And I'm feelin' mighty lucky right now."

"The family way?" I said, mind reeling.

"Pregnant, hon. I'm talkin' about makin' babies with you, right here and now. Wouldn't that be nice?" she said, her voice equal parts soothing and lustful. "Plantin' your crops right up my unplowed hole, like a fancy little magic trick. Fuckin' my cooch so I get myself a nice round belly and swollen teats... so you and I got ourselves a little filly or colt or somethin' in between to rear up together."

"What?!" I said, nearly ejaculating right then and there. "But, I, we'd be..."

"Together forever, bound by responsibility to raise our baby," she said in a simple, matter-of-fact voice. "We'd raise her, fuck her, turn her, like good parents should. And you wouldn't be able to leave my side no more, not that you ever did before, but it's always nice to make things official-like." Her cunt clamped tightly around the knob of my cock, causing it to flare slightly.

"I, I w-want to marry y-you, but, I don't know what I w-want," I whimpered, twitching and pounding at the carpet with my forehooves, eyes shut tight.

"It's okay, darlin'. We'll have plenty of chances soon enough," she said, sounding just a little disappointed. Then I felt the tightness release, and the soft sensation that resumed around my knob threatened to make me cum—but quick as a flash, Applejack popped off of me and slammed her belly and tits flat against my cock, squishing it between the two of us.

I screamed, and I came so hard my extremities went numb.

Cum sprayed between our bodies like a cream-filled sponge cake. A thin jet of it squeezed out between AJ's tits and spattered my chin. I spasmed in place, whining and gritting my teeth as my entire body was wracked with pleasure and involuntary motion. It took at least ten seconds, which seemed like an eternity. Applejack grunted and sprayed my face with what appeared to be urine, and I coughed and sputtered as I squirmed helplessly beneath her extremely heavy earth pony body.

The next few moments were a blur, but then I was face-to-face with her as she sucked the cum from my chin and stuck it into my mouth with her tongue. I wasn't fazed by the taste this time, even though it was much stronger. I simply sucked back at her tongue and swallowed like a good little bitch. Our bodies were smeared with sex and sweat, and we kissed for what seemed like minutes. The guilt wasn't there this time. I loved her, and I trusted her, and my trust was not misplaced. This was wonderful. This was right. I couldn't deny any of it, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Let's take a little bath together," whispered Applejack, finally breaking the kiss. "They have a dee-lux style bathtub in here, and I think you could use a little coolin' off before we wrastle some more."

So we did just that. (And AJ washed off my silly makeup while we did.)

During the bath, the effects of the potion wore off (or maybe it was due to the bath, I'm not sure, but it was just water and soap) so my body returned to that of a normal mare's. I almost miss having a penis and balls, but it's nice to have a little mental control over my body again. For all I know, this might be the last opportunity I get for that.

I hesitate to mention this, but AJ leaned me out of the water at one point, removed my ass plug, and Prench-kissed my ponut. It was surprising and erotic, but mainly just weird. She asked me to do the same, but I was too nervous to try (despite my earlier temptation). I did lightly kiss her there, and I appreciated her scent again, but that was as far as it went. There was lube in the bathroom (of course) which she used to re-plug me afterwards.

After we dried off, I wrote this entry. I'm not sure what to expect next, but I'm probably about to lose my brains entirely.

I'd like to say I'll miss them when they're gone, but the odds of that are evidently nanoscopic.

Day 60 (Enter Applejack) (Part 2 of 2)

Journal, the problem planning to divide up chapters in advance of writing them is that making a (1 of 2) implies there will be a (2 of 2), and not (2 of 4) or (oops that was the only one). This is an issue because I'm writing with invisible mage's ink, and it can't be removed, only crossed out.

This entry would probably be better named... well, why give things away? If you've read this far you're probably a pervert seeking suspense and dicks. Who am I to judge. (Okay, I'm Princess Twilight Freaking Sparkle, but that still doesn't count for much.)

As we returned to the room, I noticed Applejack wincing with every step. Her swollen frogs were obviously sending a mixture of pleasure and pain into her groin with every step.

We climbed into bed together and cuddled. At this point, I was just waiting for Applejack to use the stone to suck the pretty brains out of my stupid head, whether or not I wanted it. That's what this meeting was all about, wasn't it? Still, being held by her legs—sex absent, for the moment—was very comforting.

"I love you," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

AJ laughed. "You don't gotta be sorry for that, sugarlump. You need to stop feelin' bad about feelin' so good."

"I don't even mean the sex," I said. "I mean I care about you, and I owe you more than 'love'. You're special."

"I know, darlin'." She kissed my nose and held me closer. "You are to me, too. We're good friends, and a little bit more. Ain't no shame in that."

I sighed and relaxed, tucking my muzzle under her chin. "I guess you're going to make me use the Breakstone soon, huh?"

"I'd like that, but that'll be up to you, Twi," said Applejack. "Most ponies would want a hint of the wolf first, or even a taste. Makes it easier to accept the rock thing. Whatever route you aim to take is fine by me. You're the boss, even if you don't like that sort of thing, bein' a lost cunt like me."

"It doesn't matter. I have to choose something, or they'll just force me. If Twilight Sparkle has to die, I'd rather it happen with you." I closed my eyes. As much as I wanted this to happen, the thought was depressing me.

"Aw, shucks. They ain't gonna force you, Twi. You just need to come around, accept it, and learn your place," said Applejack. "Forcin' you only made things worse." She gently touched my cheek with a swollen, pussy-like frog, shivering as the velvety pillow rubbed against my flesh.

"No, Princess Cadance told me. They're going to force me if you don't convince me to do it," I revealed. "I've taken too long. They're tired of watching me suffer, and I can't say as I blame them."

AJ frowned. "That ain't right," she said. "Dagnabit. I thought this was finally gonna be voluntary."

"It wasn't with you, was it?" I asked. "I mean, how could it be voluntary? You wouldn't betray your friends. I can't believe that."

"Well, they are my friends, and they got to my family first. Seein' my kin, and how happy they all were... it wore me down, Twi. When the time came, I let 'em have their way with me and my holes," she said. "Oh, we recently found out Pinkie's distant Apple kin! Ain't that somethin'. Makes it way kinkier now when we fuck."

I laughed. "That's... too perfect," I said.

"Yeah. Anyway, I fell to pressure and agreed to a hint of the wolf, then a taste, and then what they said started makin' perfect sense. So I let 'em take my noggin apart, seein' as I wasn't usin' it for much anyhow," she said, with a smile.

I narrowed my eyes and frowned. "That is not true, Applejack. You have a beautiful mind." I was tempted to say 'had' but I was afraid I'd start crying. (I'm not sure this conversation is perfectly accurate. I'm reconstructing it as best I can since my memory charm wasn't active.) "There's more to a pony's mind than book-learning," I added, surprised to hear myself say those words. But it's true, isn't it?

"I'm kiddin' ya, silly mare! The rock don't take the smart part out. Just the dumb part that keeps you from thinkin' with your puss." She winked at me, which prompted another blush.

It's so easy for AJ to disarm me, Journal.

"But," she continued, "even after all you been through, I don't like the idea of pushin' you into this. I mean, all you gotta do to stop the sex abuse is consent. Why won't you let us love you proper?"

"I don't know... I..."

"Well... I wouldn't usually recommend this, but maybe try thinkin' with your noggin rather than your clit?" she asked, to my surprise. "Forget the sex. Just relax, clear your mind, and use that powerful logic you got up there," she said. "Don't feel horny, and don't feel disgust. Where does that get you?"

I thought about it for a long moment. "Part of me wants to rid the whole world of sex, but that's the disgust talking. Part of me wants to submit, but that's the arousal and the insecurity," I said. "The logic? I want to see Princess Celestia first, like they originally promised me. If she's okay with becoming a vampony, then I will be too. But I need to see her. She's the smartest, most honorable pony I've ever known, even including my BBBFF. I owe her so much. I wish the vamponies would keep that promise to me, but it isn't going to happen."

Applejack sighed. "How long do you s'pose we got together before they break us up?"

"I don't know, but I doubt I have until the next Sunrise. I think they want this finished today. You're basically my last chance to go peaceably." My eyes began to water. "I wish I could accept it! It would be so easy to let them have me, and I want it so badly, but I can't shake that feeling of responsibility."

AJ pursed her lips for a moment. "Okay, then don't. Fight 'em back," she said. "Give them bitches what-for."

"Wait, really? That would just be more suffering. It's not like I have a chance to escape," I said. "Are you actually suggesting I keep resisting?"

"I think you should become a vampony, Twi. I want you to become a vampony. I want you to join us like my lungs want air," she said. "But I want you to do it honestly, and if you still ain't ready, well, you ain't ready. As much as I'd love to watch that stubborn noodle of yours melt and put a silly smile on your face, I won't feel right forcin' you."

"But I'll feel better afterwards. I'll be grateful. That's what they all say."

"That don't excuse it," said AJ. "Fuck, but I wish it did! Maybe if I beg you sweet enough you'll come around?" She leaned back and pouted, with cute puppy-dog eyes. (I have the distinct feeling Rarity taught her that move.)

I almost said 'yes' in that moment, Journal. I've never wanted to give up so badly before. But something deep in my subconscious wouldn't let me do it. I kept thinking back to the time I'd spent with Celestia as a foal: her patience, her tutelage, her love-at-a-leg's-distance. She's the reason I'm a princess. She's the reason that being a princess actually means something.

"I want to speak with Celestia in person, just once," I whispered, turning my head down so I didn't have to look into AJ's eyes. "I've been able to talk to her in my dreams, but the meetings are too short and it isn't the same."

"Ah, horse apples. Can't blame me for tryin'," she said. "Look, I ain't sure this 'meet with Celestia' thing isn't just a stallin' excuse your brain is makin' up for you. What if you speak to her and she agrees with us? Will you come to your senses?"

I looked back up and nodded my head. "Yes, I will. If Celestia is on board, I'll immediately convert."

Applejack looked deep into my eyes. "Okay, I believe that. And if she ain't, what then?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends on what she says. I'll probably try to convince her to give the vamponies a chance. I don't think you're evil anymore, even if I've been accidentally raped a couple of times. You're just... different," I said, shrugging. "I mean, you're moving too fast and making too many changes, which needs to stop. There has to be some middle ground we can come to that keeps vamponies safe and allows them to have choices, without endangering all of society in the process."

"That's mighty insightful," said AJ, kissing me on the lips. Her long vampony tongue slithered out and wrapped around my muzzle for a moment. "Bottom line, Twilight. I trust you to make the right decisions. You're the most level-headed mare I know, even if you are all fixed-up inside. You should go have that meeting with Princess Celestia."

I blinked a few times. "I can't believe you're advocating this."

"Me neither, to be honest. I mainly wanna bang you silly until you let me do anything I want to you, and I do mean anything. Bakin' your brains and turnin' you into a fuckmonster's just for starters, y'know," she said. "But it'll be so much sweeter if you give it up to me out of love."

"I want to give my body and soul to you so badly, you have no idea."

"Oh, I have an idea. More than one," she said. "Some of which involves drinkin' that little potion and introducin' you to some serious Apple cock. But you should run off before it's too late."

"I can't. I'm impotent," I said, pointing to my horn. "They also have some kind of a teleportation field around the castle..."

"That don't sound like the Twi—"

There was a knock on the door. "It's me, Sis," came my brother's voice. "Are you both decent?"

We looked at each other, nervously. Before I could respond, Applejack giggled like a schoolfilly.

"We'll be very decent in a few minutes," said AJ. "Very decent, if you know what I mean."

"Glad to hear it. We'll come in shortly, and we want to see progress," said Shining Armor. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, BBBFF!" I called out cheerfully. I tried to fake a giggle of my own, but I really can't do that well.

We waited for a few moments as a few hoofsteps sounded, receding from the door.

"Fuck. I guess it's game over," I said. "Time to take me into the fold, AJ."

"Well, in terms of showing 'progress', we got us a couple of options," she said. "The wine's a good start."

Applejack got off the bed, popped the cork, and poured two glasses of wine. "Sit on the floor," she instructed.

I obeyed without hesitation, crawling off of the bed. Obeying Applejack made me feel deeply proud inside.

"What's this?" I asked, taking the wine in hoof. "You said there was something special in it."

Applejack nodded, taking her own glass in hoof. "It's the easy way out, Twi. It's got a weak form of the love poison in it," she said. "We drink it, and look into each other's eyes. I'll want what's best for you, you'll want what I want, and it'll feel totally natural when you beg me for the box."

I looked down into the glass, envious of its power.

"Get the box from under the bed," I said. "I think I'm ready."

When Shining Armor knocked next, there was no response. Upon opening the door, he saw my lover and I resting on the floor, staring into each other's eyes. The wine glasses were nearly empty and lying on the floor beside us. The box was off to the side, already open, stone aglow.

I heard Princess Cadance's voice. "Oh sweetie. Isn't it romantic?" she said, her voice filled with excitement.

I gently rubbed my muzzle against AJ's, lost in her eyes. She was all that mattered in my world.

"It sure is. Yes! We got her Caddy. We finally got her," he said, exhaling in relief. "Thank Luna."

"Thank her source for being wrong, you mean," said Cadance. "Let's leave these two lovebirds alone."

The couple left the room and closed the door behind them, and I continued to rub my muzzle against Applejack's, oblivious to anything else around us.

"Um, Twi?" said AJ. "We can stop pretendin' now."

"Who's pretending?" I said, with a dopey smile.

Applejack chuckled and kissed me on the lips. "Seriously, though. They're gonna catch on eventually, once they find that ugly wine stain under the bed." She closed up the box out of my line of vision.

"I'm not sure what this accomplished other than buying us several hours of time," I whispered, finally standing up. "I mean, I am grateful for the time. Maybe I'll even let it happen..."

"Just before Master Shining warned us, you were sayin' why you can't escape," said Applejack. "I was about to point out how un-Twilight-like a thing that is to hear come from your muzzle."

"But... I can't. It's literally impossible."

"I ain't never heard you give up so easy, Twi. What gives?"

I gulped. "I... I guess you're right. I want to lose, AJ. My brain hasn't been acting at full capacity, not since that night with my parents. I miss my friends and family too much to keep fighting the way I used to."

"Then get to thinkin', because you ain't got much time," said Applejack. "I can't help you out much, other than to coach you. Think like a bookhorse again."

I furrowed my brow in thought. It was true. I hadn't been thinking at full capacity. I'd let a lot of this nonsense happen to me because deep down it's what I wanted to happen.

"I've got to get this vibrating cuff off my horn or I don't stand a chance," I said. "My horn isn't useful as a mana chamber if it's vibrating, because it disrupts the echo."

Applejack reached out and scraped her hoof against the gooey cuff. "I'll take your word on that one. Huh, I don't know what this stuff is. It's soft but it don't come off." She pressed against it with the tip of her hoof, managing to avoid bumping it with her swollen frog. "It cuts, but it seals back together. It's like some kinda magic epoxy."

"There's a mana crystal on the back of it powering it. Can you do anything about that?" I asked.

Applejack pressed her hoof behind my horn. "I could try to crush it," she said. "But I'd need my shoes for that, because my hoofpussies are in the way."

"That won't work," I said. "You'd likely break my horn off in trying to crush the crystal."

"Hmm. I dunno, Twi. Think outside the box, maybe? You know how horns work better than I do," she offered.

"The irony is that if I could get a single spell off, I could easily remove the cuff," I said. "I'd probably have to strip some of the velvet off of my horn, which would be painful, but a simple short-range teleport would do it..."

One spell. That's all I needed. But I couldn't cast a spell because my horn was vibrating...

She placed a gentle hoof on my mane, shivering as she pet it with that erotic part of her body. I was trying not to think about sex again, but it was pretty much impossible. "You're sayin' that the doohickey makes your magic bounce around wrong inside your horn? I don't pretend to understand any of this, but talkin' it out usually helps me when I have a problem."

"Right, that's the idea. The vibration physically moves the horn out of position several times per... second... Wait..."

AJ grinned. "I recognize the spark in those eyes, clever mare," she whispered.

"No. It's... probably impossible," I said. "I mean..."

"Impossible for a normal pony, or impossible for Twilight Sparkle?" asked Applejack, raising a brow.

It was a crazy idea, even for me. I have an incredible amount of fine-grained horn control, but even I couldn't possibly...

Could I?

I took a deep breath. "If I could vibrate the spell at the exact same rate as my horn, the vibration should cancel out. But this thing is vibrating at 20 Horstz, minimum! I can't even think that fast... unless..." I paused, as the wheels continued to turn. "There's a chance, but it's a crazy one and I'll need your help, AJ."

"You got it. What do I do?"

"Can you take the Stance, temporarily? Like, stand on your hind legs?"

"If I brace against the wall, sure," she said. "Then what?"

"Pick me up by my hind legs and hold me upside down by my hooves so my head is above the floor. I need my head to hang free so my brain is picking up as much of the horn vibration as it can."

"Dunno how long I can hold you like that, but I'll push it." Applejack put on her rear horseshoes, then stood by the wall and reared up into the Stance. I did an awkward headstand and she grasped my rear hooves with her soft frog-cunts. I ended up dangling, facing away from her, but with my body pressed against hers. My head was vibrating against her teats.

"Hold me out further," I asked. "I can't lean against you."

"Damn," joked AJ. "That vibration is gettin' me off somethin' fierce." She held me out further, nearly stumbling. I began to swing free, and after a few seconds had stabilized.

"Okay. Just be very quiet and hold me nice and firm," I said.

"Yes'm," said Applejack. (I was slightly disappointed she wasn't clever enough to realize the correct response was to say nothing, but maybe it was just excessive politeness talking. She's like that.)

I focused on the spot in front of me, and imagined a naked teleport. I would need to scrape the thing off of my horn in the process, which made the spell much harder to prepare. I knew if this worked that some of the velvet was coming off, but I didn't have much of a choice in that.

I tried experimental contact with my horn. Basic stuff, just magical focus with empty telekinesis on the horn itself. Nothing happened. I tried to do a very short connection, for a fraction of a second. Nothing. Then I decided to try multiple times in a row, modulating how much I was increasing the vibration by each time.

My horn sparked. Only once, and only for a moment, but it happened.

"Holy fuck," I said, trying to keep my voice down. "This might actually work!"

Applejack wisely said nothing this time. (Maybe it was politeness the first time.)

I tried to echo into the horn with telekinesis for short durations (again, fractions of a second). I managed to get a grip for half a second, then I worked on refining it further. Finally, I got almost a whole second out of it. That was almost enough.

"You got about half a minute before I need to set you down for a bit," warned Applejack.

"Got it," I said, and didn't think about the time limit. I tried to cast the teleport directly, and it failed halfway through. It was too draining. I needed to try something else first to practice. I developed a mana pulse next, and got it to last for about two seconds. Holding a mana pulse was harder.

Fuck it, I thought. I'm going for it now.

I paused for a second, focused all my energy, and tried to cast the spell. It failed halfway through again. I was pretty sure it would have worked without the extra bit trying to pry off the cuff.

"Gettin' close," said AJ.

If I'm going to be set down for a while, I might as well be fatigued.

I took a deep breath, focused hard, and tried a second time, to the same result.

Then it occured to me: what if there were something wrong with the teleport itself? What if it weren't just the vibration?

Of course! I can't teleport into a vibrating frame of reference... so I would need to add a reverse vibration to the image of my teleport castle-space. Dear Celestia, this was complicated!

Applejack was holding firm, and I was pretty sure it had been long past thirty seconds. I'm sure her muscles were aching from lactic acid buildup at this point.

But I was too close to give up now. I concentrated hard on just the right amount of vibration to add, deducted that amount plus the amount I could tell I was already vibrating due to the jiggling I could see through my eyes (hanging like this), and gave it everything I had.

Add just enough vibration. Imagine un-vibrated target. Hold the spell in my horn long enough. And leave the damned cuff behind!

One flash of light later, I was upside-down roughly one meter in front of me, hanging in midair. I fell to the floor, and so did Applejack. My muscles ached, but hers were undoubtedly worse. I stood up on shaky legs, dizzy and with a throbbing pain in my horn. AJ stood up and flexed her forelegs repeatedly, wincing.

Sitting in front of her was a gooey mass of cuff.

"I can't believe it," I said. "It worked."

"I ain't so surprised," said Applejack, with a look of pride in her eyes. That pride quickly faded to horror. "Oh, Twilight. Bless your heart," she whispered.

"What?" I said. "What is it?"

"Your horn. It's bleedin' pretty bad," she said.

I cantered into the bathroom to get a look, and she followed me. "Shit. It looks pretty ugly," I said, greatly understating the image. It looked like a small segment of my horn had been peeled off, and it was bloody underneath. "I think I can stem the bleeding, though." I stripped a washcloth in two with my magic (it hurt to cast, but it didn't matter—I could finally cast again, and it felt like having legs to walk with for the first time in forever) and tied it tightly around my horn. It quickly turned red. I added another layer, which also turned red. I'd try to change it later on.

Just in case the reader is not familiar with unicorn horns, they don't bleed under normal circumstances. The reason my horn is bleeding is that it's currently in the middle of a growth cycle. This has been a common occurrence since I became an alicorn—or pegacorn, or whatever. I'm not sure when exactly the velvet began growing again, but I think it was shortly before I lost my virginity. Maybe the experience even jump-started it.

Why do they call it "losing" your virginity, anyway? I haven't lost anything. If anything, I've gained from the experience. Maybe it's just the perversion talking, though...

"Are you goin' to be alright?" she asked me. "If I touch that horn, will it hurt you?"

"It would a little," I said. "It's tolerable, though."

Then Applejack's face fell and she grabbed my horn, hard, in her puffy hoof.

"AJ! What are you doing?" I gasped. It hurt a lot. I could feel that she was nullifying my magic!

Applejack frowned. "I'm sorry, hon. But before I let you go, I need to know something. You gotta promise me if your plan don't work, you'll turn yourself back in to the vamponies," she said. "This madness has to end, and you're only gettin' out of here on the condition that Celestia's the end of the line. You hear?"

I tried to nod, painfully. "Yes, I promise!" I said.

"Look me in the eyes, Twilight. I'll know," she said. "I might not be able to keep a grip for long with these hooves sexed up, but I'll bite you if I gotta end this."

I looked Applejack in the eyes. She was worried for me, I could tell.

I let go of the pain.

"I promise. I will only try to meet with Celestia, and if we can't resolve the problem together, I'll turn myself in and submit," I said. I was crying, but I meant it.

Applejack slowly nodded, then released me. "I believe you," she said, and then she washed the blood off of her hoof.

"Oh thank Friendship," I gasped, and replaced both bandages with two more from a different washcloth. This time it didn't bleed through as quickly.

AJ cleared her throat noisily. "So, I'm thinkin' I'll take some of these towels and put them under the covers with me. If Master Shining comes into the room, I'll tell him we're sleep-cuddlin', and that may be enough to keep you safe until Sunup. No guarantees, though."

"I meant what I said," I promised her. "I'll take some more of these washcloths and my Journal and get out. I'll probably be on the way to the Crystal Kingdom before morning, so that should buy me the time I need."

"How are you gonna get past that teleportation thing?" she asked.

"Oh, that's not hard. I can—"

Applejack placed her soft hoofpad over my mouth. "No, wait. Don't tell me. They can wheedle that out of me tomorrow, and I don't wanna give them anything they can use against you until you get to Princess Celestia. But you damn well better not hurt anypony or endanger yourself, missy."

"One way or the other, the conflict ends tomorrow. Peacefully," I said. "Maybe Celestia will be able to negotiate a compromise, but I won't let her start a war."

Then AJ smiled. "I trust you, sugarcube. Now go on and git. I'll prep the bed and have myself an extended nap next to Towel Twilight."

"I'll never forget this," I said. "You didn't have to do this. Maybe you shouldn't have."

"It was the right thing to do." Applejack shrugged as though betraying the vamponies and sending me on a potentially dangerous quest was no big deal.

(And maybe to her, it wasn't.)

So I grabbed my Journal and ink and some strips of towel for bandages, prepped some saddlebags, and teleported myself into the secret hallway. I trotted down the hallway until I reached the cave entrance. Something was setting there.

It was a small envelope, unaddressed.

I picked it up with my magic and descended into the cave. I needed to get away from the castle because my blood was leaving a telltale scent. I took off the bandages and burned them to remove the blood smell (they still smelled bad, but it wouldn't be quite as obvious of a scent), then put on two new bandages and opened the letter.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

If you're not Twilight Sparkle, then buck you to Tartarus. This is only for her. I'm warning you stupid vamponies, if you harm one hair on her mane I'll be coming for you.

Hay Twilight, I hope this is you. It's Dash. I left this behind because I wanted to let you know what's going on. I think the media here are all controlled by the vamponies already, and I'm afraid to show my face during the day. I'm basically waiting for you or Spike or Celestia to tell me what to do, because I have no idea at this point.

Oh, today is the morning of exactly three days after I escaped from the castle, so there's that. I spend most of the day here... er, I mean, where you met me. You know the place. In the evenings I do recon.

Spike showed up last night dressed in a ridiculous disguise that isn't foaling anypony. He's been hanging by the train station. I think he's headed to the Crystal Kingdom. I wanted to talk to him but the place is surrounded by Royal Guards right now. I have no idea how they haven't spotted him, unless they're not looking for him. He's actually so silly-looking I suspect they think he's some foal playing around or something. Which I guess is partly true.

Be safe, Twi. I'll be waiting for your orders, or whatever you do to use your magical awesome brain to fix everything, because you really gotta do that. We're counting on you.

Um... I also love you. I think.

Your loyal friend,

–Rainbow Dash

She must have left the note this morning, Journal. I'll wait for an hour or two to see if she comes back to the caves, but if I don't see her, I'll need to head for the train station.

Actually, I've already waited an hour or two because I sat here writing all of this down, so I guess I'm sunk. I want to leave her a note telling her of my plans, but I can't risk the vamponies finding it. I'll just leave a note where she dropped the envelope saying, "I'm fine, Dash. Working on a solution. –Twilight". Hopefully that will be enough.

I've changed the bandage once again, but I don't have enough bandages to do this forever so I'll have to be parsimonious with them.

I wish I could wait for you, Dash. I just can't.

I love you too.

It's probably Sundown now, so I'm headed to the train station. Somehow I'll get to the Crystal Kingdom, mark my words. I still have that plug up my ass but I'm hoping it will help me keep from needing to use the restroom (eww) which I really don't want to do when vampony senses are lurking around.

Well, then. Here goes everything.

Day 60-61 (Catching the Train)

I know of three entrances to the crystal caverns: one that leads to the castle dungeon, the hidden one I discovered recently, and another well-hidden one that exits the cliffside (which Celestia revealed to me after the changeling attack).

The first thing I did was to test my wings. To my surprise, they worked! They weren't perfect (I stumbled a little at first) but they're definitely airworthy. It's been less than a week since I had my primaries ripped out by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, which suggests primary feathers grow very quickly for pegacorns.

With the return of my ability to take wing, I flew to the cliffside entrance. It wasn't quite dark outside, so I sat inside the mouth and waited. I was in a race against time: find Spike, get to the Crystal Kingdom, and do it before the vamponies discover me missing. There wasn't a good option for "how long do I wait". If I rushed out immediately, I might be seen. I could teleport out, but I didn't know what situation I might be teleporting into. I decided to wait until it was almost dark.

It's a good thing I waited. Peeking out, I could see an armored pegasus male hovering just beyond the entrance. He was facing away from me and holding position, so he was clearly guarding the caverns. His orientation (physical, not sexual) suggested that he was trying to catch a pegasus or nightwing entering the cave rather than leaving it, so it was almost certainly a trap for Rainbow Dash.

I deduced that Dash must have left the cave earlier and been spotted, possibly early this morning. Her visual acuity is amazing (even for a pegasus) so there would be no chance she'd try to reenter the crystal caverns. Since there was already a cover story among the Royal Guard for Dash being nuts, I figured there might be a possibility that the guards weren't looking for me, and they might not even be vamponies—but given the resources of the Order's followers and the importance of finding Dash this wasn't a likely hope.

The sky I could see in the distance was free of clouds. I wouldn't be able to teleport to a safe distance where the guards wouldn't see the teleport flash. The dark magic version would be even worse, because they'd see the energy stream and be able to determine both my source and destination. I could try to teleport to a place I couldn't see that was nearby enough, but that could backfire and draw everypony's attention. I didn't want anypony to identify me who'd be likely to transmit that information to my brother, because the element of surprise was a precious commodity at that moment.

The deciding factor was my horn. It hurt to use it, and still does (fortunately I kept the glowstone with me so writing this is tolerable). I didn't want to put myself in a position where I needed to do multiple teleports in short order, but I couldn't just exit the cave or the guards would know something was up.

I banked on the fact that the vamponies probably had no idea I was missing yet (thanks to AJ, bless her puffy hoofpussies), so I decided to go for a bluff.

I teleported in front of the guard, reversing my facing to look at him head-on. Immediately, I noticed several salient details. First off, there was another guard beside him (also male). Second, both of them had small earrings, so I was dealing with vamponies. The one directly in front of me was a lost one (copper) and the one beside him was a Lady (silver, meaning "on the market"), so they were both cunts. I'd prepared for this mentally and let my self-preservation skills go to work.

"Guards. Has there been any sign of Rainbow Dash so far?" I asked. I tried to look mildly peeved (pardon my Prench, but I suppose that isn't much worse than saying 'fuck' and 'shit' which have already littered this journal of doom). This was made more difficult by the fact that I was hovering in midair and trying not to pay attention to the lingering horn-pain from my teleport.

I should note at this point I was acting under the assumption that my rank as Princess was more important than the Order rankings. I was pretending to be there on urgent official business, so I expected even if they had been Masters I would have been given deference.

"Princess? What are you doing here?" asked the lost one. They were clearly unprepared for this, which was good news.

"I'm asking for an update," I said. "I'm trying to find her." I silently cursed myself for the last sentence. It didn't sound authoritative.

The guards looked at each other, then back at me. I instantly knew they were going to question me, and they'd probably demonstrate they were vamponies in a subtle way and expect me to follow suit. I had to act fast to demonstrate my loyalty to the Order, and do it in a way where I wouldn't witness whatever they were going to show me. For example, if I saw them flash their eyes at me, I couldn't do it in response.

So I turned about face and lifted tail to show off Shiny's plug. (Yes, it was embarrassing, as I expected. Yes, it was arousing, which I absolutely did not expect.)

"Satisfied?" I asked. Then I turned my head to look back at them, and winked seductively. At least, I tried for seductively. I don't really know how to do anything seductively, so I aimed for 'impish' and hoped that would be sufficient.

It worked! Both of them blushed. "It's good to see you finally among us, fellow cunt," said the Lady, and he flashed a wry smirk.

I didn't have to pretend anymore. I was happy and relieved, and I let it show. I turned back around. "Glad to obey the Order," I said. "Though I'm guessing you haven't seen her yet?"

Both stallions shook their heads. "No sign of her," said the lost one.

"It's good you're here to help us, though. Lady Cadance is worried sick about Rainbow Dash. I think she's as concerned about her well-being as the potential damage to our strategic position," said the Lady.

"We'll find her soon, I'm sure of it," I said, and just then I thought of something critical. "Are you both stationed here for the evening?"

"Other guards are set to relieve us at nightfall," said the lost one.

Horseshit. Not good. Both guards were set to return to duty elsewhere, probably the castle, and they were leaving any minute. Worse yet, more guards were headed here right now. My cover might be blown within minutes. I didn't have any time to lose.

"Alright. Good luck," I said, and nodding to them, I looked up toward the cliffside and teleported toward the market area.

I didn't have a choice anymore. I teleported twice more in a row: into the fashion district, and directly into a store labeled "Sassy's Saddles". It was poorly lit inside so I'd taken a split second to presume the shop was empty. I was wrong.

"Oh my goodness!" said a very tall, cyan unicorn mare behind the counter. "Princess Twilight Sparkle?"

I blinked a few times, then landed on the floor and grabbed my horn with a hoof, shuddering. "Ow ow ow ow ow," I said. My entire head was throbbing in pain.

The mare ran over to me and pulled my hoof from my horn. Some blood remained on my frog, so clearly it had soaked through the bandage again. (I presume the guards thought it was just a red sash or something, or maybe some kind of fetish thing? Eww.)

"You need to go to the hospital," said the mare.

"No! I... I can't," I said. "There's a conspiracy at the moment, and... um..."

I paused for a moment in shock. I hadn't retained the presence of mind to check her for baubles! Looking up, I noticed she wore no jewelry. Her clothes looked fashionable, though. (I think, anyway—they were fancy, at least. I don't really get fashion, but it's usually fancy. I almost wished Rarity were there to let me know.)

The mare looked dubious, but she nodded. "My name is Sassy Saddles, Princess. I'll provide you with any help I can, but we must do something about your horn."

I decided to trust Sassy, though in retrospect I'm not sure why. She was pretty and seemed to hold herself proudly, which was consistent with vampony culture (even the lost ones seem to hold themselves with pride, most of the time). Plus, being pretty and tall and confident and professional probably meant she had ties to high society, which is the sector that the vamponies targeted first.

Actually, I remember! It was her horn that did it. Sassy Saddles has a very long horn (which is also a status symbol—unicorns can be pretty shallow, to be completely honest), but she keeps it sharp. When I was young Dad once told me that mares sometimes do that to show that they're single and looking, because there's no way you can sleep next to somepony with a horn that deadly and not injure them in the process. I'm not sure I like the idea (although it's rather clever), but I doubt the vamponies would approve of a gesture so... Obvious? Vulgar? You know what I mean.

(Moreover, if she were a vampony, she'd have been in a lot of beds recently.)

Anyway, I was in significant pain and I desperately needed a friend. Sassy had a warm personality and I required a pony I could trust. Luck was on my side (not that there is such a thing, but you know what I mean).

"I don't want to sidetrack the conversation from your injury, but I have to say it: you have a very interesting collar. And earrings," said Sassy, as she examined the bandage with the intensity of a doctor's stare. "I've seen a few unicorns with jewelry like that lately. Is it a trend?"

"It's a long story, but I can't remove it. The short version is you shouldn't trust anypony who wears baub—I mean, jewelry like this. There's something sinister going on." I began to unwrap the bandage. "I still have a couple strips of fabric I can still use to staunch the bleeding again..."

Sassy stopped me when I began to untie my bandage. "Wait for a moment," she said, then cantered off into the back room and returned with a first aid kit. She removed an abdominal pad and a large gauze roll. "Okay, go ahead."

I unwrapped the bandage from my horn. Sassy and I both winced as I started to peel it off. This time the blood had dried, and the fabric had adhered itself to the underlying bone.

"Let me," she said, and took the bandage in both her hoof and her magic. "Ugh. It's stuck and the fibers are hard to remove. This is actually a remarkable piece of fabric, though. Very plush and high thread count, I assume a luxury towel?"

I nodded, then regretted nodding as it accidentally yanked a bit of the fabric free. "I didn't think it would be this difficult," I said. "I didn't bother to consider the ramifications of choosing this particular fabric because I had no other good alternatives. Kind of kicking myself over that."

"Understandable, considering." Sassy unwrapped the abdominal pad and placed it against the open area of my horn as she peeled more of the strip from bone. "Okay, this is reopening the wound and there's no preventing that. So I'd like to yank it the rest of the way on 'three'. Are you okay with that, Princess?"

"Just call me Twilight, and please go ahead," I said.

She smiled a sickly smile. "One," she said, then immediately ripped it free.

"Ahh!" I said, the surprise actually blunting the pain. "You stopped two integers short!"

"I know. It's easier if you're gearing up for it but not quite ready. I used to be a nurse." Sassy pressed the abdominal pad around my horn and held it with her magic, and set the bloody strip of fabric onto the floor where there were already drops of blood. "I know I'm probably not entitled to ask, but could you tell me what happened? Does it have something to do with the collar and the 'sinister' thing?"

"You're always entitled to ask me something, Sassy. I just don't know how much I can share because I want to keep you safe," I explained. "There was a magic device on my horn that prevented me from casting spells, and it was adhered in a way that made cutting it off impossible. I finally figured out a way to get around it. It was complicated and actually quite fascinating, not to brag, but details would probably be a bad idea at this point."

"Who would do this to you?" She sounded afraid, which was intelligent.

"Right now Princess Luna and my brother and sister-in-law are compromised by a dark force," I said.

"Your brother? Oh, Prince Shining Armor, right," she said. "Compromised?"

"They're not acting rationally. But don't spread that information," I said. "I intend to... intervene. I can't say how because I don't want you to have the information if somepony traced me here."

Sassy paled. "I... I understand," she said. "Prin—I mean, Twilight: I will not tell anypony, no matter what happens."

I'm not sure why Sassy chose to immediately believe me when I told her that Luna, Shiny, and Cadance were all under the influence of an evil force. Certainly, Luna "outranks" me—perhaps not legally if you want to get technical (which I usually do but that's beside the point), but de facto in Equestrian affairs. I mean, if I were under the influence of an evil force and they weren't, wouldn't I say the same thing?

It's probably because I looked sympathetic, I guess. Friendship is difficult to fake. (Then again, the Order has its own version of friendship. They're still very friendly. Just, um, a little too friendly.)

"I doubt anypony knows I entered your store, so you should be safe," I tried to reassure her. "Maybe I should hide in the back?"

"Nopony wanders by here this time of day," said Sassy, "and I don't have all the lights on so you can't see in very easily. When it goes dark, though, we'll need to move. For now, hold still."

She held the pad on my horn and blotted it once or twice. Looking up at her looming above me (Sassy is really tall—not Celestia tall, but still very tall) as she mended my wound reminded me of Mom. I remember being five years old, and I'd scraped my knee something fierce, and she made everything better simply by being there to love me. I always felt comfort with her. And now, today? I feel... conflicted.

Something's wrong with me, Journal, feeling arousal toward my own mother. I just know how comforting it would be to fall into the legs of the Order and allow Mom and I to grow closer than we'd ever been...

Anyway, that's probably why I started to get wet.

Additionally, Sassy is pretty, both in the conventional sense as well as whatever it is that "floats my boat", so to speak (I don't actually own a boat). I think it might be two things. First, it's a combination of overdone fashion/makeup and the horn that kind of makes it look like she's desperate for sex. Why is that "hot"? I don't know for certain, but I hypothesize it reduces the stress involved in not knowing whether or not you're doing a good job sexually. Second...

Oh buck. This is going to sound awful.

I think it's because she's, um... ditzy? That sounds less awful than 'dumb'. I don't think she's stupid or anything, but she seems to have a bit of a cognitive delay in processing and comprehension (although, given the stressful environment in which we met, I wouldn't bet on that assumption) and something about that is strangely erotic for me. I fear it might be pedofoalic in nature, but maybe it's just the idea that I could teach her things, maybe even sexual things, and I could see the wonderment in her eyes as she looks up to me like I...

Okay, yeah, maybe it is a little pedofoalic. Not sure what I can do about that at this point, but I'm kind of tired of feeling guilty for how bucked-up I've become. I'd rather restrict the depth of my guilt to actions that I've done, rather than focus on feelings I can't control. After all, my actions alone have been bad enough.

Still, Moondancer is brilliant, and that turns me on too?

Arousal is weird and seems self-contradictory at times, Journal. When I think about Sassy, on one hoof she reminds me of Mom, and on the other hoof she reminds me of a little foal... yet even though those are largely opposites they both seem to reinforce that strange warmth in my groin.

Anyway, I was watching Sassy Saddles as she tended to my horn and I became lost in her eyes, thinking of her painted lips meeting mine, that slender muzzle forcing its way between my thighs and into my—

"Twilight?" she said, and I regained focus. I realized she'd been talking to me and I'd totally spaced out while imagining us locked in coitus.

"Oh shit," I said, and she blushed. "Oh, um, sorry about the language. I totally zoned out. I've been... under a considerable amount of stress."

"Not a problem," said Sassy, wearing a sympathetic look that again reminded me of Mom. "I was saying I've finished blotting out the blood. It's mostly dried, but I need to spray it with a disinfectant before applying the gauze. It should help promote clotting as well, so it won't leak through the bandage as quickly."

"Right. And this is going to hurt, then?"

"I'm afraid so," she said.

I chuckled. "That's fine. I've been through a lot of pain lately."

She bit at her lip for a moment. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. Really," I said. "Go ahead."

I closed my eyes as she raised the spray can of antibiotic up to my horn.

I'm a princess, I thought to myself. I'm scaring the daylights out of this poor mare. I need to inspire confidence, like a true leader. I owe it to her.

I don't know how I managed to do it, but I didn't flinch or react at all when she sprayed the substance all around my horn (except for autonomic impulses I can't suppress, like sweating). It wasn't intense pain, but the way I grew up (a bit sheltered, I suppose) I've always been a little prissy about pain so it's difficult to hide it when I'm hurting even if it's just a mild sting. My dominant response is to cry out so everypony around me knows I need attention.

I felt a hint of pride, which was nice, even if maybe this is a stupid thing to be proud of. I've been through so many terrible emotions lately, it was pleasant to feel worthy for a change.

I opened my eyes to see Sassy wrapping gauze tight around my horn (well, as well as you can see something like that). She affixed it with medical tape and smiled.

"Much better," she said. "You're a model patient, Princess. Er, Twilight, I mean."

"And you are an amazing nurse, Sassy. We should probably move to the back area," I said. It was getting dark outside which made it easier to see inside the building, even with the lighting dimmed.

I followed Sassy to the back, and she took me to a bathroom sink and used a washcloth to clean off the excess dried blood from my horn and pelt.

"There isn't much blood here, but we want you to look your best," she said.

"You remind me so much of Rarity," I said.

"The designer from Ponyville?" said Sassy. Her eyes lit up. "You know her?"

"She's one of my best friends!" I said. "Er, when she's not under the influence of an evil cult, anyway."

"Oh no! That's terrible!" said Sassy. "She's such a creative spirit! I've always wanted to work with somepony like her. I have great marketing know-how and industry connections throughout Canterlot, but this resale shop... it's not what I want to be doing with my life. I want to showcase real talent."

"I was wondering what this store was about," I admitted. "I didn't see any saddles out front."

"It's a play on my name, which was a bad idea. Everypony expects saddles and I don't always have them in stock," she explained. "Still, I sell high-quality fashion at affordable prices, I always check my product closely to ensure it has no defects after being 'pre-owned', and somehow I manage to turn a small profit."

"Ah, I see. Well, once all this mess is behind us, I will definitely put you in contact with Rarity," I said, smiling. "I think you two would work great together."

Sassy blushed. "Oh, I'd love that! Thank you so much, Twilight." She used a small spray can of something on my chest, presumably to remove a little bloodstain.

"No problem," I said, then I looked down and noticed she had a few drops of blood on her beautiful dress. "Oh no. I think I ruined your dress!"

"I might still be able to salvage it, but it's fine either way. Worthy cause," she said, with a wink. "Looks like we're all done with cleanup, except for some blood spots on the flooring, but you don't need to worry about that."

"I want to pay you for your services..."

"Could you... consider me a friend, instead?" she asked. Her voice rang with timidity.

I smiled warmly. "Absolutely. But at least I'll pay for the dress. Er, when I have bits on me."

"I won't hear of it, but maybe you can buy me lunch sometime. Will that work?" she asked.

I kept staring into those beautiful orange eyes. Did I mention her eyes were orange? Just like her sunset-colored mane...

"Oh, horse apples! I need to run," I said. "Thank you again. Wait, do you have a cloak or something I could hide my appearance with?"

Sassy trotted over to a box and pulled out a beautiful faux-fur white Winter cloak. "It may be too warm for this, but it's all I can think of."

"I'll send you bits for it as soon as I'm able. Thanks again," I said, wrapping the cloak around my body and saddlebags (which I never removed).

"You're wel—"

Before she could respond, I teleported outside. Rude, but I had no choice. I'd lost track of time and I didn't have any left to spare. I pulled the hood over my head and galloped for the train station, which was only a few blocks away.

Luck was on my side (again, just a figure of speech). The Friendship Express was headed on an overnight to the Crystal Kingdom, and it was due to leave in forty minutes.

After purchasing a ticket and getting on the train, I walked to the least-populated passenger car and sat down in the back row. The cloak was pretty warm, but I didn't want to remove the hood until we were well-underway, and I had a half-hour before the train would even begin to move (assuming it departed on time, which, spoiler alert: it did).

While waiting, I stared at my reflection in the window, lost in thought. Mostly I was thinking about Sassy's wet (in my fantasy) vulva. At some point I remembered how I'd spaced out and missed something she said, so it occurred to me that I should reactivate my transcription spell. I cast the spell. It hurt a little bit, but it wasn't terrible, which was comforting. I'd need to be at full strength tomorrow, and too much pain would greatly increase the degree of difficulty. I don't need any more difficulty in my life right now, Journal.

At some point, somepony tapped me on my back and I jumped up and shrieked. (Blame my stupid amygdala for that one.) Everypony looked my way, so I cowered under the hood of my cloak, then looked beside me.

It was Spike! And he looked absolutely ridiculous. He was wearing a trenchcoat and an oversized (for him) pair of red sunglasses.

"Sheesh," whispered Spike. "Do you want everypony in Canterlot to know you're here?"

I sighed. "Sorry! You startled me," I said, then realized the obvious. "Ohmygosh. Spike! It's you!"

"Heh, yep. In the scales," he said, and sat beside me. "I'm surprised to see you here. Rarity said you'd been captured and were about to join... um, the vamponies."

I noticed he had on a little marble collar, and I felt a mixture of fear and pity strike me.

"The collar. Oh no. You're already one of them," I whispered back. "Spike, please..."

"It's okay, Twi. I'm not gonna tell anypony you're here," he said. "Yeah, I've tasted the wolf twice, if you count the first time that I don't remember well. One more time and they upgrade me to wood."

I clenched my teeth, then nodded slowly. "Okay. I figured you might be on their side by now, but I guess I held out hope. Why aren't you betraying me?"

Spike seemed saddened, and he stared down at the floor. "I'm not against you, Twilight. I just... I love Rarity. That's all this is," he said.

"You love her more than you love me," I said. I regretted saying it almost immediately.

"No, Twilight! You're... you're my sister," he said, his eyes misty. "Of course I love you. It's just... a different kind of love."

"Not in the Order, it isn't," I pointed out.

"The vamponies may have twisted logic, but those who follow the Order are doing what they think is best for you," he said. "Everypony believes that, even though they've gone about everything wrong from the very beginning. You have to understand that by now."

I sighed. "I do, Spike, but I also don't think what you're doing with Rarity is healthy."

"You don't know what I'm doing with Rarity," said Spike, frowning.

"You have her buttplug up your anus right now, don't you? And if I use mage sight on your collar, it will show her symbol, won't it?"

Spike blinked a few times. "Okay, yes, but it's just a way for me to show how much I love her."

It was time to rip another bandage off.

"One," I said, preparing myself.

"Um... what?"

I took in a deep breath. "I don't think you actually love Rarity."

Spike laughed. "You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" he asked. He was hiding it, but I could see the worry in his face.

"It's a crush. It's always been a crush. True love is conditional, Spike. It isn't like the love songs and romance novels paint it. True love leaves room for each pony to be a pony by themself," I said. "In your case it's all about Rarity, and not about you at all, because that's exactly the way she's been abusing you."

"She's not abusing—"

"She has always abused you, Spike!" I said, then lowered my voice. "Dammit. I should have talked to you about this a long time ago. I can't sugarcoat this anymore, it isn't right. You're a young foal, and she strings you along for slave labor! She always gives you barely enough recognition to keep you doing her dirty work, and no more. A kiss here, a gift there, and then all the time you spend together involves you doing physical labor."

"I... I..." stammered Spike, on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I know it's wrong. I know I'm wrong for tolerating it over the past two years." I felt hurt inside. This was partly my fault.

"But... she's your friend! Are you saying she isn't a good pony?" he asked, wiping away a tear with the back of his arm. "You're accusing her of something terrible!"

"Look... I don't think she's intentionally abusing you, or I would have immediately intervened. I think she's thoughtless. Rarity needs approval more than most ponies. It's part of being an artist, I think," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "She's not conscientious about how she treats you because you seem so happy. That's the main reason I let it go on, too. You seemed so happy. But it was always a mistake."

Spike pursed his lips and nodded. "I need to talk to her about this, yeah. But you're wrong about one thing."

"What's that?"

"It's changed," he said, and smiled a little. "She's changed, Twilight. Ever since she became a vampony, she's shown a real interest in me."

I wasn't buying it. "She's just trying to confuse you, Spike."

"No, she really isn't. She didn't have to do anything to convince me to do things with her. I don't know if she realizes how she acted with me before was wrong, but it isn't like that anymore. When we spend time together, she shows interest in the things I like to do! We've read comic books, played games..." he continued.

"In order to gain your trust. You've never been completely on her side," I pointed out.

"She asks my opinion on things, Twilight. She lets me come up with ideas for stuff we can do together," he said. "In fact... I've come to value myself as a dragon more because she's shown me I'm worth something. It isn't all about her anymore. It's about us."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," I said, shaking my head almost hard enough to flop the hood off of my horn. "She's a Lady, and you're a lost soul like me, I have to assume. And you're telling me that Rarity is taking input from you?"

Spike nodded. "Yes."

"So becoming a vampony has somehow made Rarity... less selfish?"

He didn't answer me directly. "You know... I guess you're right about the past. Before this mess happened, I was a real slave," he admitted, with a despondent sigh. "But I'm not a slave anymore. I mean, yeah, I'm a slave, but it's for fun, and because it fulfills me. I am because it's exactly what I want. Who I am is finally meaningful, and when I give myself to her, it isn't a one-sided relationship anymore. What I want matters now. I'm a part of the equation."

I turned my head away from my little 'brother' because I was afraid I might tear up (I didn't, but the emotions roiling within my belly were highly irregular). Everything Spike was saying contradicted my understanding of the Order, but I have to admit I've never fully understood it...

"You're telling me that what you want, as a cunt, matters to the Order," I said, still facing toward the window.

I felt his claws reach up under my chin and pull me back to his gaze. "Yeah," he said, eye to eye.

I pulled his claws away. "They still make foals have sex. They're still doing crazy, unsanitary things, and they're risking psychological harm with emotions they have no control over."

Spike nodded. "I don't want to defend that. I mean, I can't say for sure that they're wrong, either. Maybe they really are the good guys? I won't pretend I'm old enough or wise enough to understand any of it."

"But you're..." I leaned in and whispered more softly. "You're fucking her, Spike. Aren't you?"

He blushed. "Not... not entirely. There are restrictions. Boundaries," he explained, and he made a square-shaped motion with his claws. "I haven't crossed certain lines yet. I don't know what I would do if she told me to cross those lines, but she seems to worry about whether I'd be able to handle it emotionally, so we've kept things more, um, 'flirty' for the time being."

"It's just a matter of time," I said. "You won't be ready when it happens, and you could end up hurt."

"I dunno. I don't feel hurt, and my relationship with Rarity is better than it's ever been. Maybe sex is dangerous for adults, too? Is anypony ever ready?" he said, and yawned. "All I understand is how I feel, and right now I feel tired."

At that moment, it dawned on me that I had tension in my joints so severe my neck and shoulders were in pain. I exhaled deeply and relaxed. "I guess I should sleep too once we're underway," I said, then pulled out the journal.

A few moments later, the train began to move. I put a leg around Spike and pulled him close, and he hugged me back.

"Ow. This thing in my butt is starting to chafe," I said, then clamped my lips shut. (Too late.)

"You've got a plug in you too?" he asked, as nonchalantly as if I'd just shared what I ate for dinner. "Here, use this." Spike handed me a small bottle of fluid from his trenchcoat pocket.

"You shouldn't be wearing something like that," I hissed. "Whatever 'boundaries' you have with Lady Rarity are still too loose for a young foal."

Spike leaned away from me. "Then why are you wearing one? I mean, I know it's different because you're an adult, but if you're not following the Order, then..."

I blushed and looked down at the floor. "It... seemed easier than taking it out. I didn't want to alert vampony senses, and it meant I could go longer..."

My little brother gave me a knowing look of incredulity.

"Okay, fine! It feels nice. I like it there. I like knowing this is what... what will happen to me when I fail," I whispered. "Is that what you want?"

"No. I don't want to embarrass you. I'm just confused about why you haven't given in, if you're this far gone already," he said, placing his claws on my shoulder. "And I have to point it out: you said 'when I fail', not 'if I fail'."

"This is my final stand, Spike. I'm done after this, no matter what happens. And no, I haven't given up yet, even if my heart isn't fully in it," I said. Then I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "I'm just glad I have you with me right now. I don't think I could face this alone."

His eyes widened, and he quickly turned his head away from me. A few moments passed in silence. I have no idea why he recoiled from me like that, but I was too tired to press. I suppose this nightmare has been hard on everypony.

"Um, okay then. Watch my journal and saddlebags, would you? I'll pop in the bathroom and be right back," I said. I took his bottle of lubricant in my magic and trotted toward the restroom. I also brought my ticket with me, just in case the conductor came by while I was, um, indisposed.

I entered the little room, shut the door, and locked it so the little "occupied" flag would come up on the other side. Then I removed the cloak and hung it up on the door hook.

Examining myself in the small mirror over the tiny sink was sobering. The fatigue was apparent in my eyes. At least the gauze bandage was still white, and relatively unobtrusive compared to the towel strip. Sassy had aligned it perfectly perpendicular to my horn, so it almost looked intentional, like a little sweatband. I actually giggled at that (horns don't sweat, of course), and the reprieve from negative emotions put my nerves at ease.

Then I had to remove the plug.

Admittedly, I'm not good at this yet. I strained a little hard (ugh, I hate putting details like this in but there might be some relevance for later) and I may have bruised myself a little, but it popped free after a few seconds. My hoof wasn't holding it well, so I lifted it up with my magic and it was a little gross (ew). I grabbed some toilet paper to wipe myself. I was moist back there (both anus and vagina, for varying reasons) but clean otherwise. Then I cleaned off the plug, first with toilet paper and then using soap and water in the sink. I was inspecting the shiny surface when somepony knocked on the door.

"Ticket, please," came the voice.

I threw on the cloak, of course, carefully avoiding the plug which I still held with my magic in midair. I hooded my horn, unlatched the door, and opened it just enough to peep at the ticket taker (I was wary in case this was some sort of trap). Then I levitated the ticket from the sink through the slit to his hoof.

"I'm sorry sir, but I need you to open the door a little further so I can confirm there are no other passengers in the lavatory with you," said the ticket taker.

I didn't see how you could fit two ponies in here, but it was a fair request. I opened the door halfway and looked into a blushing stallion's eyes.

Oh crap.

Apparently the plug was still levitating in front of me, in full view of the ticket taker. I quickly slipped it between my legs and under my cloak, then I shut the door.

Wincing, my cheeks burned. "Well, that's it. One of the train employees thinks I'm a pervert," I whispered to myself.

But I am a pervert, aren't I, Journal? I chose to leave this thing in my butt, after all. Should I really feel ashamed of this? I don't like feeling ashamed... I think...

I don't see why I should feel shame. If I follow the Order, I might even feel... proud...

Hmm. No, wait, there's more. While I'm taking this side-journey into perverted self-introspection, I should mention something else unusual. Being caught like that gave me butterflies in my barrel. I think... I think it actually turned me on. Did the shame itself turn me on? That should be impossible! Yet...

I don't know what to think anymore. The world is so much larger than I used to believe two months ago, back when I was still innocent and naive. I think about going back to being that Twilight Sparkle, and I don't know if I would even if I could. Despite all the Tartarus I've been through, it's better to know. And even after all of this mental damage, I still want to know more.

Oh, how I hope Princess Celestia can make sense of all this.

Anyway, I decided not to put the plug back inside me because it would be too distracting (although apparently I don't have to go to the bathroom yet). I took the plug and the lube back to my seat, hidden under my cloak.

Spike was sleeping on my stuff. I moved him slightly off of it, put the plug inside the saddlebags, returned the lube to Spike's coat pocket, and, I, um...

At the time, I excused this as research. Maybe I thought I'd find evidence that Spike was conspiring against me or something, I don't know. That was my conscious mind, however. Unconsciously... it's clear what I wanted to see, and I saw it.

I lifted Spike's trenchcoat and looked underneath. His tail had a thick marble circlet at the end of it, which was the horagon bauble Rarity had mentioned. And in the space where his tail met his underbelly was the flat head of the plug. It wasn't the same plug as before, or else it had been modified. This one had a flat marble base mounted on a stainless steel head, and I didn't need mage sight to see the light etching of Rarity's mark on the marble base.

I can't remember if marble accessories are supposed to have a mark on them, or whether the process Rarity uses for mage sight writing works on marble. I think she told me at some point? Or maybe she just wants the world to know she likes to shove objects up a baby dragon's asshole.

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that it was beautiful. It looked like it belonged there. I momentarily felt guilty for not plugging myself again with Shiny's gift.

Then, with no mental warning to myself, I leaned down and kissed it.

I still don't understand why I did it. I recoiled in horror at what I'd done, and lowered his little coat. Spike still appeared to be sleeping, but he cracked a smile. I hope he wasn't faking. I don't want him to think that this is in any way acceptable. He's just... he's so cute, and...

Sweet Stars. I need to find a way to wipe my brain of some of the past without erasing what I've learned. Once we reach a resolution, that will be my solitary goal.

I was very tired, but I couldn't rest after what I'd done, so I wrote all of this to exorcise the perversion. It didn't work, but I'm more tired now and ready to sleep. Fortunately, the remaining strips of towel can be used as blindfolds, so I'll be able to continue sleeping after dawn rises in a few hours. Then I'll be rested when we arrive in the Crystal Kingdom at dusk.

Oh, wait. Dawn is up now. Time for the blindfold, and the merciful nepenthe of sleep.

Cleanse me, somepony... somehow...

Please...

Day 1 (Discord Leaves)

Wow. Today has been quite the doozy, to quote a friend. Fluttershy was on the verge of tears when Angel brought us to her cottage, and we had a very hard time calming her down. Apparently, Discord met with her, and told her he had to go away from Equestria. Like, permanently: he had to leave us forever! I'm highly skeptical, and so is everypony else, but Fluttershy believes him. Honestly, Discord is so unpredictable he'll probably change his mind in an hour. I'm kind of mad at him for flustering Fluttershy like this, but, I don't know. It's weird.

The main problem is that his explanation makes no sense at all (big surprise there). According to Fluttershy, he told her that he "broke a cannon" of some sort, and had to go fix it, and this meant he couldn't ever return to us. He also told Fluttershy he was certain everything would work out fine in the end for her and her friends, so she shouldn't worry.

I'm kind of shaken up by the news. What sort of game is Discord playing? It's really hard for me when I can't understand what somepony is thinking. I went through most of my life unable to pick up on social cues, and now that I'm finally getting decent at it I have to handle oddballs like Discord and (no offense) Pinkie's elder sister, Maud. Other ponies get confused and deal with it, but for me, it reminds me too much of my past. I feel helpless, and I don't like feeling that way. I've never told anypony this before, but it's one of my biggest fears.

Day 19 (Fluttershy's Trip)

Fluttershy is taking a short vacation to visit the Crystal Kingdom. We all wanted to come with (except Applejack, who is a bit on the busy side at the moment), but Fluttershy said she has personal business there with my sister-in-law. She wouldn't elaborate, but she seems really happy and excited, so I'm happy for her. It's really nice to have Fluttershy back in good spirits, even if we won't see her for a while.

She told us she might be gone for a couple of weeks, which is kind of crazy for her, but I'm glad she's taking some bold steps for a change. Big Macintosh volunteered to care for her animals until she returns, since the Spring planting is all done. He's such a sweet pony. I never really thought about how much they have in common before now (in terms of personality and demeanor, I mean). I'm sure Big Mac will do just fine caring for Fluttershy's animal friends.

We saw Fluttershy off at the train station at noon. I gave her a gift to bring to Cadance (nothing special, just a nice set of quill pens), and Rarity asked her to give the Crystal Princess a hat she recently made. It's beautiful, of course, but... a bit, how to say it, showy? I don't know if my sister-in-law will want to wear it in public.

Pinkie Pie is already planning a welcome-back party for Fluttershy's return, of course.

Day 20 (Missing Apples)

I went to visit Mac at Fluttershy's house, then to the orchard to talk to Applejack. I haven't seen her very much lately. She can get pretty busy when there's a lot of work to be done on the farm (which is nearly always). I respect her work ethic, and I think it's what we have most in common.

She seemed a bit antsy yesterday at the train station, but I didn't quite connect the dots until I went back to the library and thought it over. Today I told her she looked a bit nervous yesterday, and asked her what was on her mind. Applejack says that a few trees of the Autumn harvest variety are missing all of their apples, and she doesn't know which "critters" (her term) are responsible. It's pretty weird. Those apples are small and green, and this time of year animals are much more likely to eat the ripe apples from the Spring harvest which mature through the Winter. She has no idea how long they've been missing, because their absence is easy to overlook (small and green, like all the leaves in the background).

AJ certainly knows more about apples than I do, so she might be on to something. But in any event, it's only a few trees. The orchard loses a significant share of the crop to nature every year. It's part of the cost of being an "organic" farmer. That's what Rarity called it when I shared the story with her, but that sounds almost like Flim-Flam to me. Isn't every tree organic?

Day 24 (Disaster Averted)

Today was almost a nightmare for us. I received a letter back from Princess Cadance (stamped yesterday) that said Fluttershy hadn't arrived in the Crystal Kingdom at all! She even checked the passenger manifest from the train, and there was no record of Fluttershy being on that leg of the trip, so Cadance was very concerned. We all saw her get on the train, so we were worried that something horrible had happened, like a ponynapping, or who knows what.

Fortunately, just after I rounded up the gang to make emergency plans, a courier showed up at the Library with a second note from Cadance. It was date stamped with today's date and sent Special Delivery. Cadance said not to worry after all. Apparently, Fluttershy had actually been staying in the castle all this time, and Shining Armor had been so busy with royal duties he forgot to tell his wife, if you can believe that. (As a royal myself? I can.) She had also been checking an outdated manifest by mistake. Disaster averted!

We were pretty relieved, to say the least, though it's always nice to see the fire in Rainbow Dash's eyes when push comes to shove. Our plan was that we'd take the train up there, but Rainbow would fly straight to the Kingdom nonstop, wind and snow and all. She'd have done it, too, probably cracking rainbooms all along the way. Rainbow Dash knew Fluttershy long before any of the rest of us had met, and she's always been protective of her. It's actually kind of cute, in a way. Dash doesn't want anyone to think she's a softie deep down, but c'mon. We all know.

Day 31 (Bites Cured)

I've cured myself of the symptoms of the bites, but it happened in an unexpected way.

There was something really wrong with my rear leg, and my whole body was starting to go weird on me. I was feeling kind of nervous in general, like how you feel when you drink too much caffeine (or I presume, if your name is Pinkie Pie). I put together a harness with couple of refracting mirrors and a microscope to look at the bite up close. Applejack was wrong. These are definitely puncture wounds. They're very faint, but still visible, and about six centimeters apart, with a recession of around two millimeters. The striations on the epidermis clearly indicate a puncture rather than a tear. It wasn't mosquitoes. It might have been a bat or something, except the punctures are much too widely-spaced.

I thought about going to Ponyville Hospital to be extra safe, but I really don't want ponies to think of me as a prissy princess, and I know it it's not rabies or something horrible because the surrounding nerve tissue tests functional. I couldn't get the nagging sensation out of my mind, though, so I looked around for a spell that might do the trick. I found one scrawled in the margin of an old book (the same one Spike found behind the bookcase last year) which is supposed to neutralize the effect of magical bites. I didn't expect much, but figured it was worth a try (and I can't pass up the opportunity to learn a new spell, I mean, c'mon).

It was a hard spell to cast, but to my surprise, it worked! My leg aches just a tiny bit, but the tingling and jitters are completely gone. I think I'll do some field research down at the orchard to find out what caused this. Was the creature that bit me magical?

Day 43 (Sweet Apple Acres) (Restored)

This is the reconstruction of the beginning of Day 43 (Sweet Apple Acres) which was ripped out of my journal. I began reconstruction of this entry on Day 47.48 I completed reconstruction on Day 47 .48

We woke a couple of hours after sunup, and were able to freshen up at a stream which was good because I think we all kind of stank. The walk was pretty rough, but now that I was conscious and able to focus I could create water on my own so we had no problem with thirst.

It took about two hours before we could see Sweet Apple Acres in the distance, and the better part of another hour to get there. We stopped at the first apple tree we found and gorged ourselves (don't even ask how many apples Pinkie ate). Since the trees are sparser on the outskirts of Apple property, we figured it would be safer if we headed into the grove. The vampire fruit bat section of the orchard wasn't likely to draw Big Macintosh's attention so we holed up in the middle of it.

After we reached what seemed to be a safe place, I needed to rest again. I sat at the base of a tree nearby some bushes, and Spike and Pinkie Pie helped to camouflage me so I could sleep while they gathered intel.

Inventing and executing the Twiliport Loop on an empty stomach: not exactly my best idea. At this point I still wasn't aware of how exhausted I'd become from that ordeal.

Post-hoc: The rest of this entry is back in its original location.

Since this entry is short and self-contained, I'm not going to leave extra space after it. But pretty much every entry after this one should contain a margin for corrections (as long as I don't forget); if not, I'll note it at the end of the entry. Originally (before thinking up the idea to leave more room I mean), I only left extra space once (on Day 2). At the time I thought I could keep things on individual pages but that turned out to be a waste of space immediately. Even with the note I've left (the space was fortunate for that) there's still an unused half a page there.

A recipe card stuck between two entries?

There is a small recipe card here. It's clearly not in Twilight, Pinkie Pie, or Spike's hoofwriting. There is no magic invisible ink. Most of the ink on the card is a deep red.

If you don't have a vampony infection near you, here's a nice recipe to tide you over until we arrive! (It's an acquired taste, but isn't everything, really?)

The Darkhoof

Recipe:
1-1/2 cup red wine
1 teaspoon pure lime juice
1/4 teaspoon fresh ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon living blood from a sapient being *

Instructions:
Mix gently. Make sure the blood is added last, and to the center of the concoction (it must not touch the sides of the container before mixing). **

Serves one, but the ingredients can be scaled up. The victim gastronome should ideally drink until they are just barely intoxicated enough to make minor errors in judgment. Enjoy!

( * = I suppose this could be optional, but why not get a head start, darling? )
( ** = If desired, cornstarch may be added in order to turn the drink syrup-like. It's not quite as appetizing, but it's more accurate this way. C'est la vie, nothing quite compares to the real thing, I'm afraid. )

Nothing is written on the reverse side of the card, but it smells faintly of cloves.