Awesomest Pony Battles of Equestrian History: The Story

by Yackerz

First published December 8th, 2014 21:50

It seemed like it was going to be yet another mundane day in Equestria. Ponies were milling about, going about their day just like every other day of the year. In fact, this day was more lax than most others. However, that would soon change when for the first time ponies found themselves considering more, let's say, verbal approaches of sharing their opinion. As if Celestia herself was answering their pleas, one purple dragon took it upon himself to give the ponies what they wanted.

This story is, obviously, a cross between My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and the Internet series Epic Rap Battles of History. I've been a fan of both shows for a few years now, and whenever I found myself bored out of my mind I would write rap battles between different MLP characters. I did this even before the pony rap battle series that is on YouTube, but I never found it in me to bring my creativity to the public until today. The formatting for this story will be similar to another series I found on this website called Epic Rap Battles of MLP, by enigmaMystere. Each battle will be accompanied by a story, and they will also tie into something special I have planned for the end of the story. I would really appreciate both positive feedback and constructive criticism, as this is actually the first story I've ever posted online. The first five or six battles will actually be battles I've written in the past and posted on other forums before, but I'm more than happy to take requests. Well, I've kept you waiting long enough. Prepare yourself for....
AWESOMEST PONY BATTLES OF EQUESTRIAN HISTORY!!!

Link to enigmaMystere's story: Epic Rap Battles of MLP

Chapters

Prologue- Spike's Calling

Prologue- Spike's Calling
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Awesomest Pony Battles of Equestrian History: The Story

Prologue- Spike's Calling

To say that this day in Ponyville was a unique one would be a blatant lie. As always, blue skies and white puffy clouds abounded the Equestrian atmosphere. Ponies went about their day as usual, talking to friends, buying fruits and vegetables at the local market, and pretty much performing any average, everyday task you can think of. As mundane as it is in Ponyville, however, you'll never find a pony complaining about life in Ponyville. As Applejack would put it, "Ain't nothin' more easy on the soul and mind than life in a simple ol' town like Ponyville."

There's no statement more accurate than Applejack's. Many ponies were enjoying themselves on this day doing just the things they love. Rainbow Dash was, well dashing, through the sky this way and that, Lyra was playing her lyre for a group of foals, and Zecora was bargaining for herbs that she was planning on using in her latest potion. You see, the charm to Ponyville is that everypony knows everypony and there's a bond between the ponies that's hard to find in larger populations, such as in Manehatten for example. In Ponyville, no what matter your species, you'll find yourself welcomed with open hooves within your first few seconds of living there.

Not all ponies found themselves outside on this day, though. Take Twilight Sparkle for example, who spent the whole day at Golden Oaks Library doing what she does best: reading.

"Spike!" She cried out for the umpteenth time in a matter of minutes, "Where's that book I asked for two minutes and thirty-seven seconds ago? I've been waiting for months to read it!"

The purple dragon approached the recently-crowned princess with book in claw. He stared at her with a flat expression, "1001 Different Ways to Settle A Dispute? You've been waiting for months just to read that?"

"Oh, Spike," responded Twilight, "I wouldn't expect you to understand the joys of reading. You are just a baby after all."

"Riiiight," replied Spike. "So, remind me again why you're so interested in this book?"

Twilight thought she owed her number one assistant an explanation, so she answered, "Well, seeing as I'm now the Princess of Friendship, I think it's in my best interest, as well as everypony else's, that I learn the most effective ways to settle conflict before it turns into dissension.

"And we'll start on Chapter 1." Twilight Sparkle's horn, as well as the book in front of her, glowed with a pink aura as she used her magic to turn to the first chapter.

"Here we go!" Twilight exclaimed, barely able to contain her excitement, "Method 1: offer the other party a cupcake as a sign of peace. It is unheard of for any filly, colt, mare, or stallion to turn down a cupcake as a... gesture of kindness."

"Okaaaay..." let out a confused Twilight, "That's one way of doing it I guess. Let's move on. Method 2: tell a really funny joke. Most ponies find it impossible to resist a good laugh, and not only will the conflict be resolved just like that, you'll also have another friend to practice your shtick on."

"Bwahahahahahaha!!!!" laughed Spike uncontrollably.

As Spike lay chortling maniacally, Twilight made the bold move of continuing with the book, "Method 3: throw a party. It is considered blasphemy for anypony to fight while at a par-, alright I've had enough!" Twilight closed the book and exclaimed, "Who wrote this!? I'm going to write that pony a very angry letter for making such a joke out of literature!" The lavender mare looked at the author's name and face-hoofed.

Spike, still chuckling even while he spoke, asked Twilight, "What... haha... is it... bwahaha... Twilight?" Spike tried his best to stifle his laughs so that Twilight could answer him.

Twilight Sparkle gave Spike the same look that he gave her when he brought the book to her, "Pinkie Pie. The author of this book is... Pinkie Pie."

* * *

That night, Spike found himself unable to fall asleep. He had a bit more lemonade than he should have, and Twilight's constant snoring wasn't helping matters. Exhausting all other options, he decided to try to bore himself to sleep. He reached just to the side of his makeshift bed and grabbed the book written by Pinkie Pie, which was given to him all too happily by Twilight.

Spike opened up to a random page in the book and read to himself, "Method 574: confront the opposing party in a rap battle. This method should only be used if none of the other methods work. While a rap battle can be really fun, it can also makes matters worse. Aww, who am I kidding? I haven't met a single pony who hasn't enjoyed a rap battle! Spike, if you're reading this, which I'm assuming you are because my Pinkie Sense told me you would, I'm giving you the official title of 'Super Duper Pony Rap Battle Host Premier'! Find some ponies who'd like to have a battle, and then report to me at once!"

Spike shot up, surprised at the mention of his name. Then again, if Pinkie Pie wrote the book then that shouldn't come as a shock at all. Out of the corner of his eye Spike noticed a small box covered in a gift wrap adorned with different types of candies. After opening the box, Spike reached in and pulled out...

"A microphone?" said a confused Spike aloud to himself.

To this day, Spike still doesn't know if it was due to his exhaustion and clouded sense of thought, or because of genuine interest, but he was about to bring to Ponyville the most excitement they've had in a while: Awesomest Pony Battles of Equestrian History.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading the prologue to "Awesomest Pony Battles of Equestrian History: The Story." Remember, this is my first story on fimfiction, and pretty much anywhere on the Internet. So please excuse any obvious mistakes I've made. In fact, I encourage you to give whatever feedback and constructive criticism you have in the comments. I'm open to suggestions, requests, and anything else you have to throw at me. I hope to improve my writing and to give you a good time over the course of the story. Seeing as the next chapter will be revealing the first rap battle, I will give a hint to the match-up.

Hint: These two ponies will be battling over a rainbow, but it's not a pot of gold that they're looking for.