Chapter 1: There Is But One God And It Is Deeply Fried Food
“So… Why are we here? And why are we ten thousand years in the past?”
David placed a finger on Twilight’s lips which caused her to scrunch up her face.
“Shhhhhhhhhhhh,” he cooed, bringing his face alongside hers. “Don’t question it.” He made a sweeping gesture. “Just admire the view.”
Twilight and David were situated in front of a familiar fast food chain. Twilight looked at the ‘view’ for about a minute and then got annoyed. As usual.
“David,” she grumbled. “Why are we standing outside?”
“Twilight. Honestly. How can you not enjoy the fruits and labour of capitalism, consumerism and progressive risk of coronary heart disease?”
To that statement, Twilight found she had no answer. It was hard to argue with insanity.
David bowed once in front of the automatic doors, causing them to open. Twilight’s eyes widened. “How does it do that?!” she exclaimed, her eyes focusing with laser-like intensity.
“Magic,” David whispered to her conspiratorially. “You have to be polite to these doors or they won’t open for you.”
Twilight squealed in excitement. “Really?” she said, bounding up to the doors and triggering the sliding doors again.
David laughed heartily. “Absolutely not. Science. Didn’t I mention that before?”
Twilight’s ears drooped, she subsided temporarily. After a moment she perked up again.
“Science?! How does it work?”
If David was an electrical engineer he’d tell Twilight that the mechanism relied on active and passive infrared sensors working in conjunction with amplifiers, control systems, motors, relays and switches and microprocessors, all powered by an oscillating electrical current at a set voltage. As it turned out, he could only say…
“I don’t know, magic.”
To which Twilight was left to grouch about sourly as they walked in. Coming through the automatic doors, Twilight noticed the sheer amount of humans bustling around. They all seemed to be wearing more clothes than David was, but they didn’t seem phased that he was walking around in tight fitting spandex. They looked quite colourful, but less so than ponies were. The clothes were also more functional and less gaudy than Rarity’s designs. Leaning towards David, she spoke to him. “Why are all the humans staring at me?”
David tapped a finger to his chin. “Maybe it’s because you’re so good-looking,” he commented offhandedly. Twilight gave him an unamused look. He shrugged in response. “Hey,” he said. “I told you we were the only sapient species on the planet. It’s a good thing we’re in Australia, people are pretty easy-going here.” Louder, he said. “YOUR COSTUME’S AWESOME, TWILIGHT.”
After a few murmurs, the loosely assembled crowd went back to their food. There were a few snaps of a smartphone camera, but most of the hubbub died down.
“Yeah,” David continued. “Even if an alien actually walked among us, I doubt it would take much effort to disguise themselves.”
Twilight just looked shocked. “And they just believe that?”
David nodded. “Why not?” he said simply, throwing up his hands. Then he snapped his fingers. “Let’s order something.”
He walked up to the counter as the young lady serving stared at Twilight a little apprehensively.
“Good Afternoon, how can I help you?” she asked pleasantly, despite the purple unicorn gazing wide-eyed at the colourful menus. She tried a little small-talk based on her mandatory customer training. Smiles wide, Jessie. Smiles wide.
“Gone out for a swim, did you?” To which David shook his head.
“Nah,” he replied, scratching his head trying to decide what he wanted from the menu. “Sharks are out, wave’s are rough and I left my board at home…”
David ignored the gasp and some comment about meat from Twilight and proceeded to order a burger, with extra fries. He ordered two drinks as well.
“That’ll be thirteen dollars fifty,” the fast food employee stated, trying not to blush. She averted her eyes as David reached into his spandex pants and fished out his wallet.
“Do you take card?” he asked pleasantly, as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world.
“Yes, but that will have surcharge,” she explained. David scowled. The one thing he wasn’t keen to re-experience back on Earth.
Twilight nudged him again. “Hey David, that beef isn’t real, right?”
David patted Twilight on the head.
“When in Rome…”
