I AM BREAD

by BusterBuizel

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2030

Twilight Sparkle falls asleep and accidentally unleashes a sentient piece of bread onto the world.

When Twilight Sparkle flies downstairs to eat her normal breakfast things become a little less normal as she somehow enchants her loaf of bread after falling asleep at the table.

This is the story of one slice of bread destined to cross her kitchen counter to become toast...

He is bread...

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-07 01:42:32 UTC

I AM BREAD

It was a lazy afternoon for Twilight Sparkle in her new crystal castle. She awoke to the early morning light and was groggy all around from playing too much in the late hours of the night. She trotted down stairs into the kitchen and fell on the floor in her drunken-like state.

“Hmmm... Gotta get some breakfast,” she yawned as she flopped a hoof to the cabinet door. The only thing in the cabinet pantry was a loaf of bed she floated up to the table with her magic. Her face drooped and landed on the table. She began to yawn again, “Five more minutes.”

Her horn glowed and in her dazed sleep she had summoned a small spell that enchanted one of the slices of bread on her plate she was now resting on. The brilliant bread colored aura engulfed the slice and cast it into the air. It hovered in place before slowly descending back onto the plate. Twilight had not noticed this in her slumber. She started to drool and twitch as she dreamed.

She wasn't the only one that twitched. The baked square that was the slice of white bread started to stir. Her plate gently shook as the slice floppily stood upright and wiggled only to fall defeated back onto the plate. If bread could cry it would have. What was it's purpose in life? Why was it created? The world was so huge to the newly sentient delicious baked good. It seemed overwhelming. The bread crawled to the edge of the table in shame and stared below. The dirty floor would seal his end within five seconds of contact. He thought to himself and wallowed with sadness. The depressed and drooping slice looked to the floor. He wanted to do it; to jump and end his cruel excuse at a life. Bread looked up once more and something caught his eye, if only bread had eyes. He could see across the kitchen his destiny, his purpose, now staring at him from beyond the ocean of dirt and flith across the floor.

It was a toaster. A shiny, crystal coated heating appliance plugged into a socket of magical energy. It glistened in the sun and beckoned Bread to enter it and fulfill his one true goal in life:

He was bread... He had to become toast...

Filled with a renewed sense of will Bread gripped the table and stood strong once more. He looked around. It would be a daunting task ahead of him. The table was like an island surrounded by sharks with a golden treasure that lies beyond the sea. Bread flopped back to the plate to think. He was unsteady and felt foreign with his movements. He was used to a cozy life of unity with his brothers and sisters combined in the loaf. Now separated from his family with only one goal to become the ultimate toast he strives for he had to master his new abilities to get to the kitchen counter and the toaster. With his first, uneasy, steps he shimmy shammied back and forth doing laps, spins, and gaining control over his movements, but not without breaking most everything on the table in the process. It did not wake the sleeping giant that was Twilight.

“Spike, keep it down,” she snored as the bread continued to move about the table. Bread looked to his creator in awe. Now he was filled with a new desire. Becoming toast was the first part of his destiny. To please his creator by becoming the most delicious piece of sliced bread in all of Equestria was his endgame.

Bread looked back and noticed another one of his siblings fall and flop onto another plate. Bread held onto the corner of his sister and tried to prod her. There was nothing. She could not move and only urged her brother onwards. Bread tried to nod but fell butter side down onto his sister's plate and flung her beyond the table. Bread was in a panic and took around thirty seconds to flop to the edge of the table. It was all too late. His sister was dead. Bread became distraught and saddened. It was all his fault his sister had met an untimely death at the corners of his accident. This broke him as he looked on at her always lifeless corpse. They had spent so much time together. Being kneaded into dough, holding her tight as they ventured into the depths of an oven to be baked, then celebrating as they made it out inanimate then sliced evenly to be sold at the local fresh air market at Ponyville Square. All this time they cherished and now she was gone.

But no! Bread must go on. He must live his destiny for his sister would have wanted him to. He noticed a jar of jelly that he had broken earlier. The blob of very berry jelly was his tool to get him to the toaster. He knew that he would be the most delicious slice of toast in Equestria if he melded with it. He crawled and flopped to the blob of delectable preserves and started to smear it all over himself. He felt himself become one with the jelly. He wiggled, waved, and twisted to lubricate himself with the most delicious sticky paste one could imagine. Now all lubed up and bready he set to conquer the world. He already knew of a way to get off this deserted island that was the table. Spike's skateboard was below and was brand new. It would not harm his edibility but he had to be careful. His sister's bread body lay only a few inches from the vehicle of escape. He had to do it. Bread got to a running start and cartwheeled over the edge closing whatever he used to see as he took the leap of faith.

The cold hard ground met his outwards crusty surface and with it came a powerful sensation of something he'd never felt before as grains of dirt and sand attracted to his jelly. He struggled to get up. The same jelly that he smeared for deliciousness was keeping him pinned to the floor as this new feeling of pain washed over his whole body. With his writhes he pealed one end of himself to see his sister. Bread recoiled with disgust. He wanted to live! He was born and created to be the best of the best. With one mighty grip of one corner he flopped on to the skateboard trying to ignore the piercing, stabbing, blunt, and ripping pain through his body as he gathered more and more dust and dirt. He held on for dear life and flipped himself over the edge of the skateboard. He felt relief wash over him as he was now off the floor. Stuck to the board he sighed silently, well, not even sighed at all but you get the idea. He grabbed on and tried to propel himself to the next counter by repeatedly thrusting back and forth. Edging closer to the next island he was not quick as his limp and floppy movements scooted the skateboard by only millimeters at a time.

Bread was now at the edge of the island counter. He looked up to the massive wall that stood before him. He could have taken a deep breathe had he had lungs when he huffed with determination. He grabbed on to force himself onto the wall. With his grip unfailing and jelly aiding to his grasp the wall he flip flopped to the top with his somersaults. The corner presented him a new challenge. He could not flip upwards conventionally like he had before. He used the jelly to plaster himself to the wall for a moment of thought. He took in his environment and noticed the clock. How its hands spun to tell the time. A moment of eureka washed over him. He gripped with one corner of his crust and started to spin wildly, flailing jelly all over his nearby surrounding as he used his momentum to fling himself up and catch the corner. With one hard pull he threw himself onto the horizontal surface. He stood in victory as he had crossed a boundless ocean of dirt and mud on the floor. But this was only half the journey for our hero. He turned to the toaster and wondered with zeal. He was proud, confident, and thought of his dead sister. She would have been proud of him and he knew it. Bread thought of his new plan of attack. The gap between him and the toaster was longer than the last. It would test everything he knew about being bread to get him across without harm. He flopped to the wall and latched on taking care to avoid the ants and uncooked bacon on one of the chopping boards least it contaminate him.

Bread was a winner. He was a champion. He used the sticky powers of the jelly to cling to the wall and defy gravity. He inched his way upwards and onwards to the ceiling. He was unstoppable. His grip might have failed him and almost cost his life on the wall but he never forgot his life goal and his sister urging him on to fulfill his destiny from beyond the grave. His sticky mess of a trail was all over the walls as he reached the ceiling. With two strong and mighty flips he stuck the jelly onto the canopy and continued to inch.

The view was both frightening and inspiring. He turned to look but recoiled in fear. He peeked again and saw the whole kitchen. It was magnificent! Crystal plates, décor, and floor tiles all gave him a chill that ran down his crusts. He wished he could gasped as he took in the scenic beauty of this world. He felt happy and at peace. He was at peace. He was a piece...

Of bread...

Suddenly the jelly started to give way. He had lost much of it on his way to the toaster. And was losing grip. He panicked as his life flashed before his lack of eyes. The jelly could not grip the ceiling any more and he held on with two corners. He shook with fear and looked down. He puckered himself into a ball and tried to hold on. His failing grip would seal his doom as one of his corners gave way. He was only holding on by a thread and slipping. He wondered to himself: “Where did it all go a rye?”

He fell for what seemed like an eternity. Time slowed down as the ceiling parted further and further away from his futile grasp. He was going to die and waited the pain of death to take hold of him.

Death never came as Twilight's pet owl flew in to catch the bread in mid flight. With Bread safely under his wings Owlowiscious flew back to Twilight and landed softly next to her. A soft hoo and she awoke.

“Oh! Hi Owlowiscious,” she yawned once and looked at Bread, “Oh, thank you for making breakfast.”

Twilight looked around at her kitchen gone mayhem.

“Well, at least you tried,” she pet her owl.

“Hoo?” he tilted his head to the side.

“It's okay! Spike! Can you clean this mess Owlowiscious made?” she called to Spike as she went to the toaster and put Bread right in. A few minutes later with a sharp ping she came back to Bread and put him on a plate. Twilight ate Bread and the slice of now toast could not be any happier. He was euphoric to become one with his creator and now he could finally rest easy.

He had traveled so far and so long for this day. He thought of his sister one last time as he melded with Twilight's taste buds. Twilight chewed suspiciously and thought it tasted off.

“Kneads a little improvement,” she went up to her cabinets again and smeared some peanut butter onto Bread to continue eating him, “Much better! Mmmm!”