Cards Against Equinity: The Laughter Awakens
Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rarity sat around a large wooden table in the middle of Twilight’s new castle as Twilight herself was in the back, preparing a snack.
“When do you think Rainbow Dash is going to show up?” Applejack asked over the table to Twilight.
“Umm.” Twilight lifted a freshly baked pie out of her oven. “You guys told her it was game night, right?”
Everypony shrugged except for Pinkie Pie, who was simply drooling at the sight of the steaming, freshly-made pie.
Twilight caught her look and instantly smiled. “Don’t worry Pinike, I’ll make sure you get a bigger piece,” she said as she magically floated the pie into the air.
“I don’t want any, Darling,” Rarity said before looking over to Pinkie. “You can have my bit, Darling.”
Applejack giggled, “Ah think Pinkie Pie is in heaven.”
It was true; Pinkie Pie could hardly thank her friend for her generosity on account of all the drool leaking from her mouth. It formed a small puddle on the table under her as the pie was placed in the middle of the table.
Twilight carved out three smaller pieces of pie before moving on to cutting the larger, steaming piece for Pinkie. Through an open window near the front door though, a moth followed its nose into the castle.
With the amazing smell of the pie filling its tiny nose, the moth made a beeline for the sweets.
Twilight lifted the large piece of pie into the air and floated it over to Pinkie, whose eyes widened in joy. Unfortunately, the moth landed on the pie before the pie was placed in front of Pinkie.
With a scream of horror, Rarity quickly leaned over and swatted the moth off of the chunk of pie. “Get out of here, Darling!”
Twilight frowned and caught the moth out of the air with her magic. “Now, now,” she said as her magic forcefully lead it towards the small window beside the door. “There’s no need to hurt this poor creature.”
As the moth began to fly past the door, the wooden frame flew open, crushing the moth between it and the wall with a loud CRUNCH. Twilight gaspedin horror. But, as if the memory had been wiped from her mind, she instantly smiled at the pony standing at the door’s entrance.
“Hey everypony!” Rainbow Dash announced as she waved a deck of cards in her hoof. “Look what I brought to game night!”
Applejack raised a brow. “But we already have a game, Rainbow.”
“Pffttttttttttttttttttttt,” Rainbow Dash waved the same hoof dismissively. “This game’s going to be better than anything that you guys got!”
“I t-though we were going to play my game…” Fluttershy squeaked. She’d been silent for most of the night, but as the thought of explaining her game caught up with her, she instantly felt relieved that Rainbow Dash was there to save her.
“Ummm, actually, I don’t mind.”
Rainbow Dash and Twilight sat down in their seats as the deck of plain white cards was slapped down in the middle of the table. Pinkie Pie placed her plate on the ground under her as she licked up the cranberry juices which ran down the sides of her mouth.
Twilight eyed them. “I’ve never seen cards like these, Rainbow Dash. Where’d you get them?”
“I bought them from Lyra as I was coming over here. She always has stuff like this sitting around in her basement. It’s a gold mine down there!”
“Lyra?” Applejack asked. “I don’t trust that mare. She’s always tryin’ to sell me some odd dohickeys.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Applejack, don’t be so rude, Darling.” She looked over at the deck of cards then towards Rainbow. “How do we play this game, Darling?”
“It’s simple!” Rainbow Dash smiled and separated the deck into two halves. “I’ll hand you guys some cards. Once you know what your cards are, I’ll put down one of mine. Whatever I think fills in the blanks the best, wins!”
Pinkie Pie Shrugged. “Sounds wheeze-peasy-easy, Rainbow!” The rest of the table nodded in agreement.
“Alright!” Rainbow Dash picked up one of the decks and started passing around cards evenly. The first card handed out went to Twilight, who could only wonder what it meant.
“Two girls, one cup?” she asked Rainbow. “What does that mean?”
Before she could get an answer, Rarity screamed out in horror and threw her card to the table. “That’s disgusting, Darling!”
Rainbow Dash giggled, “What’d you get?”
“I hardly think it’s appropriate to say out loud, Darling!”
“Oh…” Fluttershy squeaked as she read her card, “That’s... awful…”
Applejack looked over Fluttershy’s shoulder while her own card laid face down on the table. “Furry porn?”
“What?” Pinkie Pie jumped up out of her seat as she read her own card, “This doesn’t sound fun at all!”
Rainbow Dash couldn’t hold in her laughter any longer. She burst out like a hyena, covering her face as tears of pure joy leaked from her eyes.
The rest of the cards were handed out, much to the dismay of the table. But as they read more of their cards, Rainbow Dash could hear some of them snickering. Like Applejack and Pinkie, who she heard giggle a few times after she handed a new card.
“Okay!” Rainbow pulled a card out of her deck. “Just match the blanks with your cards. The cards says: ‘I got 99 problems, but a blank ain’t one!’ Twilight, you’re first!”
Twilight scratched her mane in confusion. “Umm, I’m not sure what half of these cards mean.”
“Just pick one. You get a new card every time you get rid of one,” Rainbow explained.
“Brilliant, Darling…” Rarity said with a bored expression.
Twilight pulled a card out of her deck. “Celestia fighting with three black homosexuals?”
Applejack brought her hoof to her face. “Haha,” she laughed, “that’s awful!”
Next up was Rarity. She uncaringly slid one of her cards over to Rainbow, not even taking the time to look at it prior. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes before turning it over. She instantly started laughing uncontrollably.
“Three mares shitting into a bucket!”
A thump sounded through the room as Pinkie Pie fell off her chair and onto the ground. She held her stomach while rolling on the floor, laughing the whole time.
Fluttershy sank into her seat, feeling embarrassed for simply hearing her friend say something so foul… so disgusting… so… intriguing.
Twilight scowled, “That’s disgusting!”
“I agree, Darling.”
“Oh, come on, you two,” Applejack said. “It’s not like it’s hurting anypony! Heck, ah think this is pretty funny.”
Twilight cocked her head to the side. “You think this is funny?”
“Yes! In fact, Pinkie thinks it’s pretty funny too!” Applejack pointed at the ground where Pinkie was still twitching uncontrollably.
“Come on, Twilight, have a sense of humor!” Rainbow looked over at Fluttershy, who only sank even further into her seat under the mare’s gaze. “You’re up next, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy swallowed heavily. “Errr… Can I pass?”
Rainbow’s gaze hardened. “No.”
Clenching her eyes shut, Fluttershy inched a card over to Rainbow Dash. As she was sliding it over, she felt Rainbow Dash’s hoof stop her. She opened her eyes only to see Rainbow looking down at her, judging her.
“Read it out loud, Fluttershy,” Rainbow almost ordered.
“D-do I have t-”
Applejack nudged her shoulder. “Oh, it’s not that bad, Fluttershy. It’s just as game!”
Fluttershy felt beads of sweat beginning to form on her face. “O-Okay…” She gulped. “Luna having hardcore sex with the, umm… moon…”
Twilight cracked a smile as the the table lit up with even more laughter. All except Rarity, who was had crossed her hooves in annoyance, and Fluttershy, who hid her eyes in shame, were joining in on the fun.
Applejack took a breath in between guffaws. “I think I’ll give Lyra a visit soon, Rainbow! This is a barrel of fun!”
Then they all laughed together as they continued to play the very very best fun game that Lyra ever copulated with a human and stole and left the next morning for.
Lyra looked down at the pregnancy test which read: “Aladeen”. She looked up and into her eyes which were being reflected by a mirror.
A wide smile crossed her lips before saying, “Fuck yeah!”
Author's Note
