Specter

Markus found himself inside a small office, sitting on an oversized and quite comfortable red leather couch. Of course the couch should be comfortable, he thought. Since he was after all paying a hundred dollars just to sit on it.

The leather couch was quite soft, inviting the sitter to just lounge across it. Were it in Markus' condo he could have easily have done so, and just nod off for a few moments. As it was, he was not in his condo, but the thought of a nap was still in the front of his mind. Maybe if he did close his eyes, he could have some respite from his most recent mistake.

Across the small room was the Psychiatrist, Dr. Shelly. Who sat upright in her own oversized red leather chair. She was a middle aged professional, with just the start of salt seasoning her pepper colored hair. The small brown note book and wall of books behind her might make one think of her as a librarian, if not for the plaque on the office door saying otherwise.

“So how long have you been seeing this specter, Lyra you called it?” She spoke to him in a distant detached tone. She made the attempt to be and sound both sympathetic and interested, but beneath it Markus knew he heard boredom.

A quick glance at the clock on her desk showed that the two had been talking for close to forty minutes now, and Markus figured that gave them about fifteen more minutes or so to talk. Fifteen more minutes in which he could consider where exactly his life went wrong.

When exactly did he first meet Lyra?

Markus thought back to the first time he saw her, it was right at the end of last month, after a second round of massive layoffs. His work load had nearly tripled after that. The stress of the extra work and fear of his job's future had finally gotten to him and he just had it out with his old boss Stark. Thinking back to it, it was probably the reason his old boss didn't like him or at least the main reason

Gathering his memories, he formed a response, "About four weeks now. It was right after a bunch of layoffs at work. I was under a ton of stress and, well, she just appeared one day... while I was in the restroom." He added with a slightly embraced tone.

Despite the embarrassment, he couldn't help but chuckle, as he remembered the yell he made and how half the office came to investigate. The first time he saw her ethereal body come together out of the thin air, it was like something out of some sci-fi or horror movie. As the green speckled lights had twinkling into coherence he forgot all thoughts of his boss, his work load, and his job from his mind. All he could focus on at the time, was that green, golden eyed, one horned demon, who insisted on smiling at him.

Dr. Shelly was scratching down notes like crazy, glancing over Markus could only imagine the things she was writing about him.

"So it was in the restroom? What were you doing in there before she showed up?"

With a roll of his eyes, he tried to not be overly sarcastic with his response. "I was doing what most men do in the bathroom... I was taking a piss in one of the urinals."

She put her notebook down, and tried to give him a somewhat forced smile. Despite her attempt to be as disarming as possible, it just seemed too forced, "I'm sorry, I meant were you doing anything out of the ordinary besides just using the facilities. Any recreational drugs? Masturbating?"

The question was absurd, Markus had always stayed clear of drugs, even the so called lighter things like pot. Markus knew that drugs were a gateway, not to other drugs, but to insanity. He had heard stories of people with psychiatric problems being on things like LSD. It was not something he ever wanted to visit.

"No, I've never done any drugs. Well, except for maybe the occasional drink but even that is rare. And I don't... relive myself in the work place."

Picking up her brown skinned notebook, she began writing again, "What did she do when you first saw her?"

As he thought about her first words Markus thought he noticed a flash of green out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head he faced the only window in the office, but there wasn't anything outside. At least, nothing beyond the parking lot.

For a moment he was worried that her face would suddenly appear in the window, or pass through the brickwork. So he kept staring, hoping not to be surprised by her, not now at least. After realizing that she wasn't going to appear, and with a few verbal cues from Dr. Shelly, he came back to really.

With a shake of his head he absently muttered, "Hmmm, what?"

"I asked what did she do when you first saw her. Do you remember the day?"

That was a hard question to answer without sounding nuts. How do you explain to someone the first words spoken by an invisible pony?

"Well, as soon as she saw me her eyes open wide and she started grinning. Then she went off on a tangent, babbling too fast for me to even understand. Something about humans, mythology and a machine that some princess built..." Of course that wasn't all she said to him, but Markus didn't think she needed to hear the rest, to hear about their 'special connection' as she put it.

"Is that all she said? Nothing to indicate your were special or in danger?"

'How could she know, how could she see through him so easily?' he thought. The question caught him off guard and for a brief few moments a series of absurd ideas ran through his mind. Thoughts of people and things spying on him. Shaking his head once more, he tried to remove these random toxic thoughts and come up with something coherent and sane to say.

Misinterpreting his head shake as a no, Dr. Shelly wrote down some more note on her pad. "So she didn't say anything like that at all?"

Of course Markus wasn't going to argue with the easy way out he had just been given. "Umm... no. She said some other things but nothing like that."

The psychiatrist jotted down some more notes, “And you have a history of schizophrenia in your family, yes?”

The corner of his eye twitched ever so lightly, "Yes... my grandfather and niece."

"Do you hold any animosity towards them?"

A tingle ran down his spine as he pushed some thoughts from his mind. Instead of them, he thought about his niece, how could he have animosity towards her? She never asked to be that way, she never tried to hurt anyone. "No, my niece is a sweet little girl. She can't help the condition she has. I could never hate her..."

"And what of your Grandfather."

Again, Markus could feel the twinge down his back. A reminder of the pain he felt when his grandfather started hitting him.

"My Grandfather... was sick. I don't hate him." Markus spoke through clenched teeth. No matter what he said, his mind and body argued otherwise.

"I'm sensing some hostility towards him. I know you don't out right hate him, but maybe you hold some animosity towards him?"

Markus thought about the old man some more. There were very few good memories his Grandfather and him shared. In the end, there was no love loss when he was finally taken out of his life. But he didn't actually blame for anything. Well, anything more than passing on bad genes.

Shaking his head, he responded with a simple, "No, I don't."

Dr. Shelly flipped some notes in her book. "He was committed when you were 11 and died when you were 13? Did you attend his funereal?"

"No. My grandm-"

*Beep*

Off in the distance a small electronic buzzer went off, interrupting Markus' train of thought.

"Well, it seems our time is up Mr. Chomsky." She spoke while folding up the papers and putting them back in the sealed note book, which she placed on top of her desk. Taking her glasses off she also put them on top of the book.

"I'd like to meet with you again, preferably by the end of the week. Would Friday afternoon work for you?"

The request was not what he was expecting. "Why so soon? I figured this be a weekly or bi-weekly thing..."

"Well, if that's what you prefer I'm sure we can easily arrange weekly or bi-weekly meetings. But given your family's medical history and the fact that you seem to be suffer hallucinations, I strongly encourage you to come back sooner." Her voice was stern.

Taking a moment to revisit some of her notes, she had a few points underlined that especially worried her. "I'd also like you to have some medical test done. Some blood work and a Cat scan. Possibly an MRI as well."

A series of dollar signs appeared in his head, "Any particular reason?" He asked nervously.

"Well, you've described a general change in your state of consciousness over a short period of time. That could be a sign of a brain injury, damage or other physical problem. I'd like you to get a Cat scan and maybe an MRI to help rule that out." Seeing his apprehension, she continued. "I would strongly recommend you agree to these procedures. If there is something wrong, then we more options available to us, with better out comes the earlier we find it."

Closing his eyes he thought about how much it would cost. Did he really have the money for this? "I'm just a bit worried about the cost." His response was meek, he didn't want people to think he wasn't financially solvent, but the insurance he had through work wasn't the greatest, and covered almost nothing involving mental health. Even these visits were mostly out of pocket.

"Well, you do have insurance, I'm sure we can work with you to find a provider who will accept it. There's one particular specialist I like to work with. He takes most major insurance, I'm not sure about yours in particular but we can ask first before we actually schedule anything, ok?"

Reluctantly, Markus nodded his head, "Ok..."

As he began to walk out of the building, Dr. Shelly's secretary stopped him. "Oh, Mr. Chomsky, Dr. Shelly wanted me to schedule again for later in the week. Does Friday afternoon work?"

He took a second to think about it. Friday afternoon would require him to leave work early or take time away from his lunch. Neither were ideal choices, assuming he could even make the time. Plus the thought of coming back so soon still bothered him. He wasn't sure how much he could actually afford this month.

He wanted to say no, but felt to afraid to do so. She could start arguing whit him, causing him to cave in. He didn't want that. "Can I just call and schedule an appointment later?"

"Of course. We're here for another hour today, and 9 to 5 tomorrow. Have a good evening Mr. Chomsky."

Turning around, Markus didn't nod or even acknowledge the secretary's response. He was too embarrassed, such that he couldn't actually say no to her. There was just too much on his mind at the moment, most of which was about his mind or rather his mental health. Every day, he felt closer and closer to losing himself too this madness to-

"Markus!" Lyra called out from up a nearby tree.

'-her,' he finished his mental thought.

The thought had crossed his mind, that the parking lot of a psychiatrist office wasn't the best place for a conversation with his hallucination. Yet as he looked around Markus saw no one in or around the lot. There was just one burring question had to ask, what could be the harm?

"Why are you in that tree, Lyra?"

Jumping down from the tree, Lyra gave him a warm smile. "Climbing trees is fun, its good exercise, and you can see so much more when your up one!" She pointed her hoof off to the side of the building that he just walked out of. "Like that park over there! It's kind of hard to see if you're on the ground, but up in the tree it just becomes so much bigger!."

With a lazy turn of his head, Markus looked the large open field of the park. It was flat, a small hill was near the back of it, and some people appeared to be wandering back and forth near the outskirts.

'Hardly remarkable', he thought.

"Lyra, I can see the park quite clearly from here on the ground."

With a huff she rolled her eyes, "Well yeah, sure you can see a flat piece of land from down here, but you can't REALLY see the park. Here I'll show you!" She trotted back over to the trunk of the tree and started climbing it once more.

"Come on! This will be fun!" She called down from halfway up the trunk.

He watched the supple little green unicorn grab branch after branch with her hoof. Wrapping around each one. Her back hooves slipping once, but she was quick enough to rebalanced herself and continue on. He was amazed at how she was able to climb it so well, the way her body bent and moved seemed unnatural for an equine, and oddly acrobatic.

"Lyra..." he spoke to her, tying to hide his growing interest in climbing the tree.

"Oh, come on, this is fun! You don't have enough fun in your life." She sat on a branch that was a few meters up and faced towards the park.

Giving one last sigh, Markus gave in and walked to the tree trunk. He hadn't tried to climb a tree in years, and hadn't even been to a gym in about the same. Needless to say, he was more than a little out of shape for it. Wrapping his hands around the nearest branch, he started to pull himself up the wooden tower. He felt his foot, and hand holds almost give way a few times, and he was sure he'd have a splinter or two when he was done. Yet, each time, he managed to right himself and kept going upwards, until...

"Hi Markus." Lyra smiled at him with her golden eyes. "Look." She pointed her hoof to the large field.

His eyes open a bit wider as he saw the field in its entirety. It really did seem so much large from up the tree. There was so much more going on, and so much more to see. Over the tiny hill there was a previously hidden path that walked along a tiny stream. The woods on the edge had some breaks in the trees where a smaller path would wander off and disappear. Then there was group of people, who from the ground looked like they were just walking back and forth. But, from up in the tree, it was clear they were actually practicing some complex two dimensional choreography, a dance routine perhaps.

The dance routine they were practicing was actually quite intricate. All the nuances of their movement had been lost on the ground, but from here he felt like he could see everything. Markus got lost in their movements. Sitting on the branch he watched them unveil an impressive show of human coordination that put his tree climbing to shame.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a smirk started to appear on Lyra's face.

"I told you so." She said smugly

As he sat on the branch, he thought of something to say, "You've never appeared in any trees before?"

She giggled, "Nope, and I still haven't."

"But I saw you, when I left the office? You were up here Lyra."

"Oh yeah, I was up the tree, but I didn't appear here. I saw you from outside that office window. I thought about coming in to say hi, but it looked like you were having a serious talk with that woman. So I wandered around for a few minutes and found this perfectly good climbing tree." A small gust of wind blew some of her mane around her face. She continued to gaze at him with that subtle smile on her face; Markus couldn't help but smile back.

"Tell me this tree wasn't a good idea?" She asked.

Sitting there he took a deep breath, his smile ever widening. Being here and sitting in this tree was one of the most peaceful and calming activities he had done in recent memory. The air smelled so much more pure up here, and there was just a subtle little hint of mint. Or was that just in his head? It didn't matter, this tree was amazing.

A subtle tingle crossed his hand, snapping him from his trance. Looking down he saw Lyra's hoof touching the top of his hand.

"Hey, you ok?" Her smile still present, but behind it a slight air of concern.

Turning his hand over he embraced her hoof. "Yeah Lyra, I'm fine. Thank you."

He could feel his neck moving his head ever closer to her's, as if by some outside force. He wanted to-

"Mr. Chomsky?"

Markus felt his heart pause as an older woman yelled to him from the ground. "Dr. Shelly? Well isn't this a surprise, um..." He thought about what to say, looking to Lyra for some advice or indication but she just shrugged.

"Did you know you can see the park from up here?" He wanted to kick himself for how stupid that comment must have seemed.

"That's nice. Who are you talking too?"

Thinking.

He tried to think, to find something to say. He needed to get down from the tree. "Uh, just one second, I'll be right down."

Each branch caused a flash of horror to run through his mind as he tried to find something to say, but couldn't. Finally, Markus let got of the last branch and he now stood in front of the psychiatrist. Her gaze had him deeply worried.

"Ummm..." His mind went blank, all his thoughts focusing on this moment and how much he wanted to escape it. He couldn't think of a response.

"Were you talking to your 'figment', Lera?"

From up in the tree Markus could make out his invisible companion's irritation. With her muzzle slightly scrunched she yelled down to him, "Tell her my name's Lyra, not Lera... Markus?"

With a sigh Markus replied, "Yes. I was."

"I see. So is she still here?"

There was a loud bit of noise as the pony seemed to start the climb down the tree. Rustling leaves and branches that only Markus seemed to hear.

"Yes." He responded to her question.

"And is she talking to you?"

Markus could only nod his head.

"What is she saying, exactly?"

Behind him, a small oomph could be heard, as Lyra dropped the rest of the way.

All he could think of was the truth, "She... wanted you to know... that her name was Lyra, not Lera." His eyes fell to the ground after the response.

The psychiatrist continued to stare at him for a moment. "I really think you should schedule that appoint. How about Friday afternoon at 4PM?"

Locked in a trance of fear and shame, he could only nod his response 'yes'.

Dr. Shelly smiled at him before walking away from him. Standing by his side Lyra continued to try and talk to him. She wanted him to know that it was alright, that she was next to him.

A tremble came over his hands as he started to shake. He could feel the anger starting to boil up in him.

"Hey, big guy. It's ok, really you'll be fine. I mean what's the worse that can happen?" She asked naively.

"The worse that can happen?" He yelled.

Looking down at the green specter, her face appeared full of almost innocent curiosity, as if she really just didn't know. The anger he felt slowly seeped out of him, she just didn't know. "Lyra... the worse that could happen, is I could be locked up."

Lyra's face scrunched up, she didn't quite understand him, "What do you mean locked up?"

For a moment, Markus stood in the parking lot, thinking about what to say to her. How to explain, and if he even should. Finally, he shook his head and made his way to the bus stop. "Forget about it..." He whispered.

The journey back to his condo was spent in silence. Markus didn't want to speak, and he imagined that Lyra didn't either. Not that either would know what to say even if they did. He wondered why she just didn't leave for the time being, but he knew she wasn't the one to abandon anyone. Shaking his head at the thought, he reminded himself that she wasn't real.

Finally, making it back to his flat, the first thing he did was crash on his cheap sofa. Somewhere near his left thigh was a rather hard lump under the fabric of the chair. It had been there since he bought the chair off some discount furniture store's web page. Shifting around a few times, he quickly began to miss the chair from the doctor's office.

Closing his eyes he tried to tune out the world around him. All he wanted, all he needed was a moment's peace to calm and focus his mind.

There was a vague sensation of something flopping down on the adjacent side of the couch, and the sounds of ruffling fur. Markus wasn't even able to sigh before she opened her mouth.

"Markus I'm sorry I screwed up today. I just wanted to be your friend!" She pleaded with him, but he kept his eyes shut.

'Maybe if I keep quite she will go away, and leave me in peace?' he thought to himself.

"Come on big guy, tell me that climbing that tree wasn't fun!" Her voice sounded happy, but there was a deep somber note behind it.

The thought of climbing that tree, crept into his mind. The more he tried to force it out the stronger it became. That feel of bark beneath his hands, of his mussels being stretched, it was all so pleasant. A smile slowly forced it's way across his lips, as he remembered sitting on that branch. The wind blowing and catching Lyra's mane it was-

'No.' He said to himself, as he opened his eyes. Insanity might be coming for him, but he was not going into its arms willingly. "Lyra... stop." He squeaked out.

"But it was fun! I know you thought so!" Reaching her hoof out she touched his arm. The wispy electric sensation caressed his skin. Looking down, he saw her hoof.

'She's not really here.' His mind reiterated to itself.

For some reason that he didn't fully understand, his eyes began to water, like he wanted to cry.

"And who cares what some dumb doctor thinks, you're safe with me!" Her words stung him and cut him. It was as if he were walking through a green and golden briar patch. More than anything he wanted her to be real right now, for anyone to be real, and be here. Between the stress and his loneliness he couldn't take much more. As much as Lyra might help at times, she was just a constant reminder that he was in fact alone.

Across from him, he saw Lyra's face scrunch up as she failed to get to him. "Come on Markus, who needs her? There are other doctors out there, maybe ones who understand." She began to rub her front leg with her hoof.

"Besides, who needs them when you have me?" She tried to smile, tired to make everything seem like it was alright.

But, that was it, the last straw for today. His hallucination was telling him to ignore his doctor. In effect, to forgo any medial treatment. He would not go down that route, he would not be like his grandfather.

With a shout he begged her, "Lyra! Please stop!"

She balked and held her head down. Every time she tried to help him, she just seemed to screw it all up. "I-I'm sorry... I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you."

His anger faded into a mixture of frustration and guilt. He didn't mean to upset her. "Look, I had a very distressing day and you're not making it better right now."

Markus rubbed his eyes. He didn't want to see his invisible unicorn cry. Real or not, It just didn't seem right. Perhaps he was just grouchy that he hadn't gotten enough sleep. Yeah, that was it, he thought. Forcing his body up, he began to walk out of the living room.

"Markus, please. Wait..." She was practically begging him.

Hesitating, he wondered what exactly she would say. Was she going to go off on another inane tangent, take about her mythical village of ponyville, or proceed to take a hammer to his life once more.

"What is it?" He asked.

The unicorn paused as if thinking about what to say, "If... If it ever gets that bad. To where they'll put you in one of these institutions. If that ever comes close to happening... I'll leave you alone."

Now, that did cause Markus to pause. How was he suppose to take this? Her existence had already caused him no end of grief. Was she even serious?

"I don't know why we are linked Markus, but if our link ends up hurting you. I'll have Twilight destroy her machine. I'll probably never get rid of the nightmares, but I'd rather have them, than know I hurt you." Her voice was shaky, like she didn't quite know what to say.

Shaking his head, he began wandering slowly towards his bedroom. He glanced back at her. "Look I'm kind of tired, I just want to go to bed."

"Oh... ok then." She pouted.

"Before you go though, I have a surprise for you tomorrow!" Her voice picked up a bit of pep. Hiding her underlying fear and sadness.

At this point Markus wasn't paying attention. He dropped his pants and shoes off at the entrance to his bedroom then threw off his shirt before collapsing on the bed in his underwear.

"Markus?" He was vaguely aware that she was still trying to talk to him.

There was a slight tingle on his cheek. He slightly opened one of his eyes to see Lyra close to his face. "Good night Markus." With that, there was a green light, and she disappeared.

Running his finger tips along his cheek, he could still sense the ethereal feel of her lips. 'She kissed me?' he thought of her right before drifting off into a troubled sleep, full of thick mist and little tiny lights.

Back in his living room, his cellphone lite up, illuminating the cheap table. The ruble pack inside began to move, causing the phone to danced across the surface, as a string of messages started to come in. The name "Jordan" and "Paul" flashed on the screen, but Markus didn't hear them, he was already to deep into his dark mist filled sleep.