Searching for Answers

by Shade

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Dark, Comedy
Length: 30898

I have no idea how I got here, and I want answers. I may know how to get them, with a plan so crazy it cannot fail! This would be so much easier if I did not have that irrational hatred for unicorns...

Note: This is not porn, but it will have sex in it at some point. I find the use of blatant sexual themes with no intention of a payoff to be rather annoying.

So… What is a sociopath with long history of violence to do in a land of ponies? Find a good book of course! I just need access to their libraries, then i may be able to find some answers. With knowledge of how this "magic" of theirs works, I will be able to do as i please in this strange new realm, and nothing will stop me! Now, how to hide my undeniably evil and selfish intents? I could try to befriend them… Except, I have this problem. This would be so much easier if not for my unending hatred for all unicorns!

So instead, I shall do something better! let them know me as a villain, but let them think me so mediocre, so harmless, and so utterly lame, that they will see me as more of a minor annoyance than any real threat. That is right, I am a potentially kingdom crushing threat pretending to be petty trickster!

IT'S brilliant, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, GENIUS I SAY! NOTHING WILL STOP-Wait.

WHY AM I COUGHING UP BLOOD!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-15 05:01:01 UTC

Pilot Chapter

"Look at them Pinky. Watch as they run around with their toys, toys, toys, always making so much noise, noise, noise!"

The lone man said as he watched the ponies from the edge of the Everfree, talking to himself like a loon. His left eye focused on the "equine abominations" as he dubbed them, while the right eye kept moving in various directions, all with what would normally be an intense glare if it was not so comical. Shame no one would be able to appreciate my humor with them being unable to see my eyes... Wait, DAMMIT! I need to stay in character if I want this to work, which means I want them to see me as just some random loony that happens to be a mild menace! Why you may ask? Simple, they have something I want, and I cannot let them know I want it, so I must divert their attention to my crazed antics as opposed to my devious plans.

How did I end up in this situation? That is a long and complicated story.

*FLASHBACK*

As our Main Character-

"My name is Melvin."

What?

"I said my name is Melvin!"

Fine then. Wait how can you even- You know what, I do not want to know.

"Whatever, strange narrating voice in my head. You are a lot more annoying than the other voices I-"

*AHEM* As "Melvin" walked out of his front door, he saw the sky filled with grey clouds. It was a cold and windy day, and the neighbors were outside talking about something that he really did not care enough to listen to, as he gazed at the sky.

"There he is!"

"Him? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! He is fucking insane!"

"Now that seems a touch harsh."

"He walked out into the middle of the street and shouted "I am fucking insane!""

"It sounds like he just has a really twisted sense of humor."

"You say that now, but just wait. Any moment now, he will say the most diabolical thing you could ever hear!"

As they now stare at him, Melvin simply sighed and said with a small smile "What a lovely day."

"TAKE THAT BACK YOU FIEND!"

He remained completely oblivious, despite the constant yelling, until a sudden flash caught his attention.

"Now you are mine to command demon, and with your power I will rule ALL OF EQUESTRIA! MUAHAHAHAHA!" A rather stupid unicorn shouted triumphantly, only to be completely ignored as the "demon" he summoned proceeded to look around him in a confused manner.

"What? Why am I in a forest? Where did the clouds go? Oh god, did I kill someone again!? SHIT! They are going to catch me for sure this time! I knew I shouldn't have shouted "I am fucking insane" in the streets, I just thought it would be funny! Now I am the first person they will investigate! No, I just need a new name, then I move to Canada disguised as a mutated rat. They will never suspect a thing. Now, where am I going to find a Pinky to go with my Brain? I know! I will be both! At the same time! I am a GENIUS!"

The unicorn proceeded to stare dumbfounded at the strange, and possibly retarded, creature he summoned. It is a Bipedal being with pale furless skin, and long dark-green hair that reached its mid-back. Then there were the clothes it wore, dark blue pants covering its legs, the ends of which were covered with solid black shoes, and a black short-sleeve shirt.

This is what is supposed to help me conquer Equestria? I want my money back, that book of conjuring cost me a small fortune! As if that was not bad enough, I had to do this whole ritual in the BUCKING *EVERFREE** to avoid getting caught!*

Walking up to the creature, he pulled on his pants leg to get his attention.

When Melvin felt something tugging on his leg he looked down to see an odd equine. What was odd about it was the strange color combination of a dark blue coat with bright green mane (gag me with a chainsaw, that is disgusting.), a tattoo on its ass in the appearance of a closed book, and the absolutely terrifying giant eyes! To top it all off- "Is that a horn?"

The moment he noticed the horn, he kicked out as hard as he could, hitting the "vile abomination" square in the jaw. With the unicorn downed, he proceeded to grab the biggest stick he could find.

The unicorn, after getting kicked in the head, tried to get up hoping he could use his magic to hold off the strange daemon he summoned into the world. His hopes were dashed as he felt a shoe push him back down, and upon looking up saw the weird demon holding a branch, poised to strike.

"Please don't break my face."

...

"No."

After a few good swings, the unicorn was properly unconscious. With the insult to nature properly dealt with, he was feeling pretty good about himself, until-

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY HAIR! I have never dyed my hair before! You can drag me to some strange forest and leave me with a unicorn, and get away with just being murdered a little, but when I find the one who fucked with my hair, I am going to hang him by his own intestines, rip his balls off to make a hat, set him on fire, and THEN kill him!"

To this, the unconscious unicorn instinctively clenched his... everything.

"Wait..." As Melvin suddenly had an epiphany. "You spoke!"

Roughly grabbing the unicorn and violently shaking him he screamed "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!" To which the STILL UNCONSCIOUS unicorn could only reply with his lolling tongue.

"Oh, right." And so, Melvin tied him up with some vines and waited for the unicorn to wake, when he did the unicorn attempted to use his magic to banish the "demon". Melvin immediately went about hitting his horn with a rock the moment it started glowing, all the while screaming "FUCK, HE HAS A BOMB! MAKE IT STAHP!" Leaving the unicorn a weeping mess when the horn finally broke.

Melvin later shoved the horn up the unicorns ass and left him tied to a tree when the only answers he could get out of him were crying and "magic".

"Friggin' smart-ass" He said angrily as he walked away, taking the unicorn's book with him.

"Long and complicated. I need in that library, now how best to go about this?"

Melvin continued to talk to himself like a crazy person. Well, he IS kinda nuts.

"I heard that!"

Eh, Why not?

And so, we continue the journey of a murderous lunatic trying to get into a library, when he has no clue were the library is, and would probably be let in if he just asked...

"Shut up annoying voice in my head!"

He proceeded to move around the town, always sticking to the edge of the forest in an effort to avoid being seen, while yelling at me and talking to himself thus making his efforts at stealth pointless. He wondered what would serve as a proper distraction so he could raid their stores of knowledge, instead of, oh I don't know, just asking if he could go in their library, which is likely open to the public. He could not come up with a proper plan of action, until he found a cottage. Said cottage was surrounded by a plethora of animals, as a single yellow Pegasus took the seemingly impossible task of caring for all of them. Yet out of all of the things that could have caught his interest, his eyes lock on to what is undoubtedly a hen house. He suddenly had a wonderful, awful, idea, more awful than wonderful really. I mean seriously, this guy really needs to get his head checked.

"Of course! All I need to do is wait until night fall, then while they sleep I shall steal all of their eggs! After causing a ruckus in the hen house, the owner of the cottage will be so worried about what is out here that they will never notice me sneak into their home, to steal their eggs! With eggs in hand, I will find their leader, and pelt him with said eggs! While he is confused, I will run laughing back into the forest. It is GENIUS!"

Wait... How is that supposed to help you obtain their knowledge?

"SHUT UP! IT IS BRILLIANT! Now I just need to wait until night falls, luckily I still have this book I got from that -ugh- unicorn."

For the sake of my sanity (whatever is left of it), as well as to avoid confusion, I will just let him tell the story for now.

"Wait, what do you mean by-"

FIRST PERSON POV:

"-that?"

...

Huh, guess he's gone for now. Weird. Oh well, back to the book. It seems I got my hands on a proper Demonomicon. No, not Necronomicon (I wish). This seems to be a book about calling forth malevolent entities from other planes of existence... Odd. Ha, I knew that guy was just being a smartass! This book touches on the multiverse theory, even if they have only discovered a fraction of what the true potential for parallel universes could mean, and they have to be more advanced than he was letting on if they already have access to that. After all, only primitives and fools believe in magic, and no fool could get so far in understanding the physics behind-

.........

No... No no no. No NO NO NO NO *NO NO*! They only believe there is a set number of dimensions, and they think of them in what appears to be a religious sense instead of a scientific one, all connected by some magical Aether that allows passage from one to the next! If they still believe what is in this book, then he must have thought that I came from this "Tartarus", like the one in the Greek myths, and here it talks about the unicorn channeling mana for ritual summoning! Fuck! Alright, no biggie, according to this the unicorn uses a focus to channel the "mana". All I need is to figure this out, and test this for myself. Once I am capable of performing this "magic" myself, I can perform the necessary experiments to figure out just what is really going on. Yeah, no need to panic, plus this is a rather old tome, so they might have advanced far beyond this superstitious nonsense by now. Just look how quickly Humanity has advanced in recent years. Yeah, these ponies have probably already gone through their equivalent of the Renaissance... Hopefully.

Now things get interesting, what is the focus for this "magic"? Lets see, form the circle, ignite the ingredients, heh, the writer forgot the most important part to summoning demons, always place some safety measures. It may just be the role-player in me, but even a novice should know to place several wards on a summoning circle. Ah, it must be here, "Forming the Gate".

Step Five: Forming the Gate

To create a stable Gateway, you must not overload it, instead let the mana flow in a steady stream from your horn to power the spell-

*Slam*

I slammed the book shut with a wide eyed stare and pained smile on my face. I slowly stand, turn around to face the tree I found myself leaning on in an attempt to get comfortable (It is a big book), and start beating my head against it.

"GOD DAMN IT! WHY DIDN'T I KEEP THE HORN!? I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!"

Now that I have successfully attacked a tree with my face I pause in my self-hate to try and figure out what to do next, with my face still pressed against the tree.

"Heh, face-planting, I'm doing it wrong... That was terrible."

I can't go back for it, because I honestly have no idea how to get back there. The forest is like a damn maze, plus that unicorn has likely already been eaten, besides I doubt I would ever be able to get the smell of ass of the horn, and that is just unsanitary!

I continue with my pondering and removing my face from the tree, until I hear something that causes me to go stiff; a voice.

"Hello? Are you alright?"

Turning around, I find myself facing the yellow Pegasus from the cottage. I have been spotted! This cannot end well.

Spotted

Shit! She found me! A yellow Pegasus with a pink mane and tail, and... a butterfly tattoo on her butt? She is looking at me strangely. Wait, differing species or not I would recognize that body language anywhere! She is scared, so she knows that I am dangerous! I have not only been spotted, but this Pegasus must have already figured out what I am after!

"Don't be scared, I'm Fluttershy. I heard shouting, are you alright?"

She is asking me not to be scared? The poor thing is shaking like a leaf. It looks like any moment now she is just going to die of a heart attack. 'I almost feel bad about having to kill her. Haha, almost.' My thoughts were interrupted as Fluttershy's eyes locked onto mine.

*Gasp* "You're hurt!"

It was only after she said this that I noticed the feeling of something wet on my forehead. Reaching up to touch it, I wince as my hand pulls away to reveal blood. 'Huh, that tree managed to injure me, but at least I gave as good as I got.' Clenching my fist with a determined look on my face I thought, 'if only I understood plant. I would be enjoying the tree's screams of agony right now.'

Meanwhile, back at the tree; ["I swear guys, that weird monkey thing attacked me with its face! It was self-defense!"]

["Yeah, that is what they all say! Just you wait, when I grow over there you are going away for a long time."]

["NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!]

Now that we are done with that nonsense, back to the murderous psychopath; To my surprise, I found the determined look mirrored by the suddenly not-so-shy Fluttershy.

"Don't worry, I have a first-aid kit at my cottage. Just come with me and I will have you all better in no time!"

.......

What? Wasn't she terrified of me just a second ago? Is she really going this far for some stranger over some slight bleeding? It has to be a trap, but then where did all of her fear just go? If she did know about my plans and it was a trap, she would likely be terrified at the thought of me catching on, so where did the sudden boost of courage come from? I am so confused! Voices! Help me! What should I do!?

.............

Again, WHAT!? Why are the voices silent? They have NEVER been silent! No suggestions, no internal arguing, no whispers of jovial carnage, no nagging conscience. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!? Am I... Am I losing my insanity? But I don't WANT to be sane! They were sane, and look at where that got Them! I don't want to be like *Them!*** During my internal rant, I had not even noticed that Fluttershy had already gotten me to her cottage. Apparently I was practically a walking vegetable running on muscle memory during my little episode, as we were nearing her front door by the time I realized she was holding my hand in her mouth. 'What? Ew, that is just unsanitary! I have no idea what she puts in her mouth, and she has even less of an idea as to what I put my hands on!' Thankfully she removed my hand from her mouth as she opened the door. I wipe my hand on my pants as she pulls out, sure enough, a first-aid kit, and starts to clean the wound on my head before wrapping it tight. 'A little excessive isn't it? It couldn't have been that bad, right?'

"You poor dear, it looks painful. No need to worry, I take care of lots of animals already! What's one more?"

.....

"WHAT!?"

"Aaah! You can talk!"

"Shut up, not happening, breaking the Fourth Wall!"

"Whats the-"

Before she could finish, I reach into my pants and pull out my giant hammer... I mean an actual giant hammer, damn pervs. With a mighty swing and a loud cracking noise, time slowed to a complete stop, the surroundings took on a grey hue, and a large crack floated in the air as though reality itself was broken, because it was.

"Narrator! Explain!"

Well, it seemed to be popular, so I just-

"NO! Nuh uh! None of that! The entire premise is stupid beyond belief! She would have to be completely retarded to confuse me for a mindless animal!"

Well that isn't very fair, what about how they have never seen a Human before?

"Then were would I have gotten clothes?"

Maybe she thought you were someone's pet?

"A completely unknown creature walks out of what is arguably the most dangerous place is the world, fully clothed, holding a book, and she confuses me for a pet."

Well, when you put is like that-

"Not to mention the fact that, while it might have been a viable story plot under some circumstances, these ponies know that there is much of the world they do not know about, AND the world has several other intelligent species, which completely destroys the entire idea all on its own! If the ponies where the only dominant species, I could see this working, but as is? It is just stupid to portray them like this. Xenophobic? sure, the incident with the Zebra proved that, but they still knew Zecora was intelligent."

But Zecora is still equine like them, and Humans are unlike anything they have ever seen. Wait, how do you know all of th-

"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Nothing like Humans? What about Minotaurs? They even have a Centaur! That is most of a Human right there! They also did not need Rainbow to tell them that Gilda was not a mindless animal, despite never seeing a Griffon before, and she doesn't even wear clothes!"

They might have already known about those creat-

"They did not even know Zebras existed. Wait, *Gasp* Narrator! Are you using me to bash other people stories!? I thought you were better than that!"

Take it up with The Author. He is the one that made the decision to do so.

.....

"You're not The Author?"

Nope, he delegated me into this job, and by that I mean he stuck me into this world as an invisible voice no one but the audience can hear. I'm not sure why you can hear me.

"Huh, weird. Back to the original point, FIX IT!"

I'll see what I can do. No pinkie, you haven't been introduced yet. Okay

"What was that?"

Nothing!

Time itself was meticulously repaired, and slowly rewound.

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"-eht stahW"

"!llaW htruoF eht gnikaerb ,gnineppah ton ,pu tuhS"

"!klat nac uoY !haaA"

"?!TAHW"

.....

"?erom eno stahw !ydaerla slamina fo stol fo erac ekat I ,yrrow ot deen oN .lufniap skool ti ,raed roop uoY"

'?thgir ,dab taht neeb evah t'ndluoc tI ?ti t'nsi evissecxe elttil A' .thgit ti gnipparw erofeb daeh ym no dnuow eht naelc ot strats dna ,tik dia-tsrif a ,hguone erus-

Stop, and play.

-sure enough, a first-aid kit, and starts to clean the wound on my head before wrapping it tight. 'A little excessive isn't it? It couldn't have been that bad, right?'

"You poor dear, it looks painful. No need to worry, I am sure it will be all better soon, so whats your name? If you don't mind my asking of course."

Aaaaand the timidity is back. I still have no clue what is going on with this weirdo. One minute she looks like she is going to just have a heart-attack and save me the trouble of killing her, next thing I know she drags me here and patches me up!

"What have I gotten myself into?"

...

"I don't mean to be rude, but that's a weird name."

Unwanted Surprises

'This is strange. I am actually enjoying myself.' I thought as I carefully poured the birds food, trying to keep my head from moving around too much so I would not disturb the squirrel currently sleeping on my head. I kinda like this cottage, it reminds me of my old home. A nice secluded place out in the middle of nowhere, there I would take care of any stray animals that wondered onto my property. I have always liked animals. They are incredibly loyal to those that treat them well, and they do not lie to me.

"Hm, this complicates things."

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing important, just talking to myself again!"

"Okay then."

I may be crazy, but I have always returned a favor. You show me an act of kindness, I return said kindness. You do something rotten to me, I use your intestines as a jump-rope. You do something stupid, I dissect your brain to try and find out what went wrong. This Fluttershy has done nothing to deserve my ire, on the contrary, she has offered: medical attention, I place to stay, has been completely understanding of my want for privacy without even attempting to pry any further into who or what I am (I just told her about how I have no idea where I am, and that I somehow got stranded in the forest. If it was not the truth, I would have called her gullible for actually buying that. I also told her my name is Sanguis, because I do not feel comfortable with giving them my real name for some reason. It is an odd feeling that I cannot really explain, like something bad could happen if they learn my name, and Sanguis is a badass name, better than Whathaveigottenmyselfinto anyway.), and most of all she gave me food! Now THAT was an interesting experience.

"Here you go." Fluttershy ever-so-quietly said as she handed (hoofed?) me a bowl of stew.

"Thanks Flutters!" Of course, since I had not eaten since I was summoned, I was understandably very hungry. I was very happy to note that the stew was in-fact delicious.

"This is great! What did you put in this?"

She seemed to perk up at the compliment, likely worried about guessing my dietary needs wrong. She replied with; "I just went with a basic vegetable stew with some fish added in. Angle Bunny is very picky, so I got a lot of practice cooking, and I noticed your teeth and guessed that your diet is similar to a bear's.

"Well your guess was pretty accurate. Is there anything you need help with? I don't like to freeload."

"I know just the thing. I need to go to Ponyville soon to buy more food for my animals, so if you want to you could help me finish up giving them the last of whats left before we go, and maybe Twilight can help you find your home!"

"That seems like a good idea to me!"

Well, that wasn't all that interesting after all, kinda mundane actually. Well, as mundane as eating stew with a Pegasus can be. I am not sure what I was expecting, maybe for her to be worried about me being a predator, but she DOES have a bear, so that would just be nonsensical. But I digress, the point is that I cannot kill her as is. Even I have some moral code, so this one gets to live.

After we finished getting all of her animals fed, we left for Ponyville ('gag me with a razor, that is terrible'). Only to find that everyone was gone, except for a purple... Unicorn! The eldritch insult to nature was waving at us, and Fluttershy ran right over to it. Being careful of any possible traps from the velvet monstrosity, I walked over unable to hear what the horned horror was whispering to her. Oddly enough, it seems that Fluttershy was whispering back and I missed it because of how naturally quiet she is, as the Unicorn got an odd look on its face before turning to me and saying:

"I am sorry to hear about you getting lost Mr. Sanguis, and rest assured that I will help in any way I can. My name is Twilight-"

Stay calm, and look at this logically. She is going to be helpful, I can just let this one go. Yeah, purple is a nice color to, the color of royalty, plus Twilight is a nice name. If I just think about the Twilight-Zone when I look at her, I should be able to keep my cool. Besides, she might not be so bad. Yeah, to apologize for the various ways I planned on killing her, I will-

"Sparkle!"

Rape her nostrils while I murder everything she knows and loves! I will make her decide the order in which her friends and family die, and when she inevitably chooses to have her friends die first to buy time for her family I will laugh and kill her parents first in unnecessarily brutal and complicated ways! The two words that should never be brought together. This is much worse than I could have imagined. Not only am I dealing with unicorns, but their leader is... A GAY VAMPIRE!

The two of them really wanted me to follow them somewhere, and the whole time we were walking I was forming my plans. Just how shall I get rid of the homosexual unicorn vampire? This question plagued me until we reached a house that... was a giant gingerbread house. Meh, still not the weirdest thing I've seen, but the moment I walked inside-

"SURPRISE!"

"Gah!"

"WereyousurprisedHuhwereyouMyPinkieSensetoldmesomethingnewwascomingtoPonyvillewhichwasweirdconsideringitwassomethingandnotsomeponybutIstillwantedtomakeasurprisepartyforyouanywaysoIdidand-

*Thud* I fell to the ground... Why can't I breath? Why does my chest hurt? Oh shit, am I having a heart attack? NO! It can't end this way! My heart is perfectly healthy! THIS! SHOULD! NOT! BE! HAPPENING! I try my hardest to stand. I managed to get on one knee and I see blood on the floor. Reaching up, I can feel the blood dripping from my mouth. I notice that the ponies are staring in shock. One of them grabbed me, and is trying to lift me up. I can't tell which one it is, but I lash out with my arm anyway, I will survive this, and I do not need their help! I don't need anyone! These were my final thoughts, before I black-out completely.

More Questions

'Where am I?' That was my first thought as I took in my surroundings. I was in some sort of underground cavern, and it was extremely dark.

"Huh, I guess there is no where to go but forward."

I did not mean that literally, as there were a plethora of differing paths, but I had no idea where any of them lead. I also wasn't going to just stand around doing nothing, so I chose a path and went with it. Said path ended up leading deeper downwards, but if I am indecisive I will never find my way out, so I press on. This place is actually rather nice. It is spacious with the roof almost three feet above my head, and I have always found the dark to be more comforting than frightening.

Things seemed to be fine, until I heard an strange noise. It was very far away, but rapidly getting closer. I continued on my path until I came across an open circular room (for lack of a better word. I was still just a more roomy part of the cave), feeling confident that whatever it was would not get to me. This place is an even worse maze than that forest was, but I was sure to stay focused on the sound just to be safe. To my unpleasant surprise, the noise kept getting louder, and it seemed to be going along the same path I did. So I did the only sensible thing, I stood my ground in the open room. One can only take comfort in darkness by knowing he has nothing to fear from that which lurks in the darkness, and the only reason he should not fear what lies in darkness is if he is the most terrifying thing within its confines. Whatever this is, it is about to learn a painful lesson; I am the thing that goes bump in the night!

Then they came into view. I could barely see them as is, and it didn't help that they seemed to be darkness given form, but I was determined to stand my ground and face my challengers. I was actually slightly disappointed by what I saw. Nightmares, the infernal horses of the abyss (I know my mythology, and it isn't like these things are some obscure creature. They show up in D&D, Heroes of Might&Magic, Magic The Gathering,-you get the idea. If you play fantasy games, you likely know a Nightmare when you see one). Is everything in this damn world equine in nature!?

They came stampeding towards me, but they seemed more like a tidal-wave with a vague equine shape. Already I was forming my plan. There was no way in hell that I could out run them, so I stood my ground waiting for the opportunity to put my scheme into action. The moment they get close enough, I will try to latch onto one of the Nightmares in front. It is a long shot, but likely my only hope of getting out of this alive. They ran at me at incredible speeds, never once slowing down. Even if I manage this, the force will likely break my arm. Yet as they get within arms reach, they vanish. The sheer power of their now nonexistent rush causing the wind to push against me, but not so much as to knock me off balance. I must admit to being confused by the whole situation. It is like they were never there. After looking around for any sign of how or why they disappeared, I found nothing at all and decided I should focus on getting out of here for now, but as I started on my chosen path I heard a voice. It was the voice of a woman, but it felt oddly familiar for some reason. The familiarity wasn't the only odd thing about this either, but the fact that two pale and slender arms wrapped me in a gentle hug from behind.

"A pleasure to meet you 'Sanguis'."

Okay, four thoughts pop to the forefront of my mind:

I have never been comfortable with close physical contact, unless I have a knife in hand.

How did she sneak up on me? This place's silence is down right oppressive, so I should have heard her approach.

How does she know that name? I haven't seen any other humans since I got summoned in that forest.

Is she single? She sounds sexy, and the only other creatures I have seen since I got here have been ponies. I am totally cool with dating a sexy ninja!

To be honest, right now I am the very definition of panic on the inside, I would never reveal such weakness to a potential enemy, so I remain still and speak in a perfectly calm manner.

"And to whom, do I have the pleasure of addressing?"

"I go by a simple name. I think it suits me well. I am Nightmare."

..... Called it.

"Very well Nightmare, what do you want from me?"

At this, her hug tightened, but not in an uncomfortable or threatening manner. It almost feels desperate, like she thinks I am going to slip out of her grasp and run away.

"This meeting isn't really about what I want from you, but rather about what you need from me."

I raise an eyebrow at this. I had expected her to do the cliched attempt at a deal that would leave her in control of my body and/or soul, but something just felt off. "Care to explain."

"Of course! One, you are asleep. We are currently within the confines of your mind, and I must say I love what you have done with the place! Every time I enter a pony's mind I get the same brightly colored nonsense that is their 'happy place'. This is much better, yet your consciousness was difficult to find."

That explains a lot about my current situation honestly. "So now I know where I am, but where do you enter the picture?"

"Two, one of us just died, and it wasn't me."

"What!?" Okay, THAT really is *not** what I wanted to hear!*

"That's right, you bit the dust, kicked the bucket, are pushing up daisies, a corpse. At least, you would be."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I may have entered your dying body and started manually beating your heart. It should be fine now, but whatever you went through has left you unbelievably fragile, even the slightest shock would be enough to kill you without me."

And there it is! "So let me guess, you want residence in my body in exchange for keeping me alive?"

"Oh, not at all." What?

"You see, I am already in you-" That's what- NO! talking to a demon, don't be immature.

"-and I have no interest in your fragile body-" MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH-FACED CUNT! Why do I always get the shallow ones?

"-but I do have an interest in you!" Hello! Demon lady wants me, score!

She let go of me and let me turn around, and she was gorgeous! Her pale skin covered in a dress that appeared to be made of smoke that rolled down her body and leaving her head, neck, arms, and upper-back exposed, and appearing to be held up by a clasp in the shape of a crescent moon connecting the strange material to a loop that wraps around the back of her neck (fuck if I know if it has any real purpose). Her hair looked as though is was a miasma that swayed in an invisible wind, and her slit, teal, eyes added a predatory air to her. In all, she looked like the epitome of what a dark sorceress should be. Me Gusta!

"And just why are you interested in me?"

"Believe it or not, this is not the first time one of your kind has entered this world. He worked up quite a fierce reputation as a Demon Lord, but this was so long ago that very few even know he ever existed. But the most powerful beings in this world, the princesses, will definitely remember. I can keep Luna, the younger of the two and ruler of the moon, from entering your dreams only because she does not know of your existence, and we need to keep it that way. I can explain everything after we get you safe, so we need to get into the Everfree Forest. They never go there anymore."

"Wait, why would these princesses find out about me?"

"Celestia, The elder of the two and ruler of the sun, is personally teaching the unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle-"

"This is worse than I could have ever imagined!"

"I would not say it is that-"

"THE GAY VAMPIRE HAS TRICKED THIS WORLD'S LEADER AND AVATAR OF THE SUN INTO TEACHING IT HER WAYS! THAT MUST BE WHY SHE DOES NOT BURN IN SUNLIGHT!"

Nightmare promptly stopped everything (even her hair went still), just looking at me with her mouth still open like she was about to say something before being completely frozen, then she doubled over, and started laughing. She didn't stop laughing either, in fact she fell over and just kept on while laying on the ground.

I think I broke her.

Aftermath

Twi's POV

I had just finished searching the kitchen to make sure he wasn't hiding there in hopes of tricking me again, when I heard something, "EGG!" That was definitely Sanguis, and it came from outside! I leave the library in hopes of catching him in time, only for him to be no where in sight. A number of ponies are standing around in a confused manner, so I assume they saw where he went. I ask the closest one what they know.

"Excuse me Carrot Top, do you have any idea where the new..." Only now do I realize, I have no idea what Sanguis even IS! I never got a chance to ask in the sheer chaos of his actions, so I continue as best I can. "individual went?" Talking about him is going to get awkward really fast if we do not come up with some proper information.

"Actually yes, just about everypony did. He ran laughing into the Everfree while carrying a sack over his shoulder."

"Wait just a second. THE Everfree Forest."

"Well, yeah. Why?"

"How did he get there so fast!? I know it is close and all but it isn't THAT close, and there is no way someone in his condition can move that quickly, and definitely not while carrying such a heavy load!"

"It was kind of confusing, but he moves pretty fast, especially for a sick guy."

"And no one tried to stop him?"

"Most where... dissuaded."

"What do you mean by that?"

As a response, she points behind me. When I turn around I see a number of ponies helping an unconscious Rainbow Dash. They were busy trying to get... an egg out of her hair... There was also a damaged dictionary lying next to her.

"He blinded her with an egg before throwing a dictionary at her didn't he."

"Yeah... He even yelled "book" as he threw it, and kept throwing books at anypony who got too close."

I sigh as I look around, noticing the plethora of books scattered across the ground. Those are all going to need to be checked for damage and reorganized, and that has to wait until after I make sure Rainbow is alright, then there is the matter of finding out what books Sanguis stole and what he might be after.

This is going to be a long day.

Nightmare's POV

We had finally made it into the forest. I had given my new host directions to the old castle. We were currently resting in the old throne room, but I doubt we can stay for long. If the princesses get wind of either of us, this will be the first place they look. Luckily, there is one little detail that could buy us time, but I need to deal with something first.

You are fucking insane!

"I get that a lot!" "Sanguis" responded with a tired laugh. "Thanks for the boost though!"

What part of "your body is fragile" translates to "lets see how quickly we can break it"! What on Equis were you thinking!?

"Hey, having you disable my bodies built-in inhibitors for a speed boost was a wonderful idea!"

And that fact that you started wheezing and coughing up blood worked in our favor how? Not to mention those inhibitors have a purpose! I was paying close attention to your inner-workings while you were running, and you could have torn the muscles in your legs to shreds!

"It worked didn't it? Now then, I have questions, and you have answers. I want those answers before we do anything else."

Normally I would have pushed the issue about him nearly killing himself needlessly, but this sudden change was not something I expected. Gone was the silly fool, the tone he used was... cold, almost emotionless if not for a underlying hate and rage that promised bloodshed. What could have caused such a rapid change to his personality? Maybe I can get a few answers of my own in this exchange.

What do you wish to ask?

"For one, why should I trust you anymore than the ponies?"

A few reasons; Your kind have a fierce reputation, and having your aid could be beneficial to me, as well as allow me to have revenge against my enemies.

"Surprisingly honest, why?"

The last time I met a member of your kind, he could always tell when someone was going to betray him, no matter how skilled an infiltrator they were, they could never fool him. When I asked his secret he said "Never trust an honest person, for there is no way of telling when they would do something dishonest, and no way of telling if they are being honest about being honest. Instead, you can always trust a dishonest person to be dishonest, and that they will be loyal to their own interests. As long as you know what their interests are, you will always know when you are no longer among them." Now you know what interests me, and why I will not betray you for as long as our goals align.

Now, I have a few questions for you as well. For instance, how did you enter this world?

"I was summoned by some unicorn."

What was the summoning process like? Any strange sights? Did you pass through the void? And did you feel a sensation of being dragged to your summoner?

"Nope, it was just a sudden flash and I was there. Why?"

A few more questions, then I will be able to explain. How did you get free of the protective circle, and were you bound to the unicorn in anyway?

"There was no protective circle, and the summoner failed to complete any form of binding that I would have noticed. Now can I know what this is about?"

I'm... not sure how to tell you this, but he failed the summoning completely. From the sounds of it, he overloaded the spell with no protective charms in place, and it has... altered your biology.

...

"How?"

The sudden flash was due to an unstable portal, and there was no protective circle to keep out any contaminants. The result is that you were, shall we say, 'mixed' with your surroundings. Another way of putting it is, you have become... part tree, in a sense.

"What? What is that going to mean for me exactly?"

Your body is reacting badly to the sudden shift in anatomy, and has turned on itself, which is likely part of the reasoning behind your sudden fragility, along with some odd tumorous growths that appear to be made of wood. In short and simple terms, you have tree-cancer.

............

"MOTHER FU-"

Learning

As I find a semi-comfortable place to sleep, I reflect on my tree situation. Despite me not feeling tired, Nightmare had insisted that my body needs rest after everything it has been through. But to be honest, I am not really surprised. I think the reasoning behind this is the same as why I don't feel hungry, despite the only food I ate all day was a single bowl of stew. This is not normal, especially for me. I am the kinda guy that could eat an entire Thanksgiving dinner for ten and still ask for more, all without gaining a single pound; I love my metabolism. I think it may be my new kleptoplastic body. I am not stupid. When I became part tree, my hair turned green, which if I am right would mean that my hairs are essentially my "leaves". This could only mean one thing.

I am capable of photosynthesis. I can see this being useful while in the forest, or in general, and I have to wonder if this means I can take root? Being able to gather nutrients from the ground could prove very beneficial while hiding, in-fact it would mean that I could remain hidden indefinitely if I needed to.

After I finally passed-out during my pondering, it was with extreme annoyance that I found the fingernails on my left hand seemed to have been replaced with bark overnight, and you will never be able imagine how strange it is to have your feet feel thirsty. Capable of absorbing sunlight or not, I will need nutrients that right now I can only get from actually eating something, and I still need water to survive.

"Hey, Nightmare. Lets go hunting."

I can lead you to a source of water, but you may be ill prepared to hunt in the Everfree.

"Fine, the food can wait until I-"

No... This, is a change that will definitely need to be reversed. My vision is becoming blurred! This tree thing is effecting me at a much faster rate than I thought, and is spread far enough to change me in several areas at once! If I lose my sight before fixing this, than I will be doomed...

"Change of plans, fuck the food! Get me to that water, then we begin the lessons immediately!"

We move as fast as I dared to, while I did everything in my power to remain silent. We have gotten lucky so far, but I do not have time to deal with anything trying to make a meal out of me right now. Yesterday, I would have welcomed the challenge, but time is of the essence! Shame no one told the wolves that. The only warning I got was a rustling in some near by bushes, before a wolf walked out. It only just noticed me, but notice me it did. Next thing I know, there are wolves coming out of the thick foliage from all sides, and they are... made of wood, huh. What an odd coincidence.

The first wolf started closing in, so I did the most intelligent thing I could. I held still.

What are you doing!? These timberwolves will eat you alive if you do not get out of here!

'That would be my last mistake.'

What do you mean?

I hold my hand out for the 'timberwolf' to sniff, careful to show no signs of aggression.

'These things would easily outrun me, and there are too many to fight head on, I count ten that I can see, and that isn't counting the ones doubtlessly standing behind me. Pay close attention to the wolf.'

To Nightmare's surprise the wolves are showing no signs of aggression either. The one in front seemingly satisfied with simply inspecting me.

What is going on?

'Wolves have always had a bad reputation. In many books, games, shows, or random stories, they are seen as dangerous killing machines that would eat you on sight, but that could not be further from the truth. Right now, they have no idea what I am. Since they have never seen something like me before, they are just curious. In a forest of this size, I seriously doubt they go hungry, and usually the only reason a wolf would attack a human is if it is starving. As long as I don't act like a prey, as in try to run, they are actually more likely to leave me be than attack me as long as I stay out of their territory.'

Luckily, the wolves chose to prove me right. After satisfying their curiosity, the wolves simply continued on their way, likely to seek prey they already know about. The trick to this is to not act like a prey, as long as they sense neither fear nor an opportunity predators are unlikely to attack. This trick only works if the predator in question has had little to no interaction with a human before, because then we are an unknown, and unnecessarily taking risks with unknowns in the wild gets you killed or worse. Some poisonous frogs actually jump into the mouths of predators, and never get bitten. They know there has to be a reason for its confidence, so almost nothing is willing to take the chance.

I have never seen anyone attempt something so foolish before. How in the world did that work!?

'You have never seen it before because most of the beings you have dealt with are prey, as such they instinctively react in the appropriate manner. But as a fellow predator they know nothing about, I can get away with bluffs like that. They would rather hunt something they know won't kill them after it is digested.'

You... You tricked them into thinking your poisonous?

'I'm not sure what they thought, but the idea is that they have no clue what would happen should they attack me and remaining confident convinced them that they would rather not find out. Now lets get going shall we.'

I don't even have a body, and you are still going to find a way to give *me** a heart attack.*

On our way to the source of water, I found some weird chicken-lizard with glowing eyes. After killing it, Nightmare explained to me that this puny (and rather silly looking thing) was supposed to be a dreaded cockatrice. This thing looks nothing like the one in Witcher. I am actually kind of disappointed. All I had to do to kill it was kick it against a tree a few times. It seems that I was actually saved by my new time-limit, as its gaze should have turned me to stone. This thing must have had worse luck than me, its greatest weapon would have saved it and killed me, had I not lost my ability to see clearly.

Welp, looks like I have lunch.

You're not seriously going to eat that are you?

'I wanna know what it tastes like! I'll need to cook it first but-wait... Nightmare, did I forget the books back at the castle.'

No.

'Oh good, for a second there I thought-'

I burned them.

'What? WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT!?'

I read through some of them while you were asleep, and they were useless. Only some of the books you grabbed had anything to do with what we wanted, and the rest were for children or about this 'Daring Do' mare... Or both

'What about the ones that were relevant!?'

They were useless too. While unicorns know how to manipulate magic, they understand very little about it. What I will teach you is far superior to anything that was in those pitiful spellbooks. Why do you even care now? You wouldn't be able to read them anyway.

As we were having our little discussion, I finally came upon the source of water we discussed. It was a beautiful place, like an oasis in the forest filled with exotic plant-life most of which I could not recognize, but the source of water was a matter of concern. It was a large pond... Fuck, now I need to build a water purifier. That thing is likely filled with contaminants and parasites.

You are never satisfied are you?

'Never drink from still water! I have no idea what could be living in that!"

And yet, you are willing to eat a cockatrice. You are so confusing.

'Thank you.'

Fine, I'll take care of the purifier if you give me the plans for it, but we need to get started soon.

'How are you going to make the purifier if you can't-' Before I could finish, she... literally steps out of me, looking the same as when I saw her in my dream.

"You mean you could do that the whole time. You lazy mooch, you could have been helping me!"

She goes to smack me, only for her hand to pass right through me.

"I can't do much myself, but being able to give a visual aid could help in your lessons. They, on the other hand, can work on the purifier."

As she says this she points behind me, and I look to see the Nightmares that nearly trampled me before I met... Nightmare. I really need to think of something to call her followers other th-wait.

"You have minions?"

"Yes, why?"

"Why haven't they been helping!?"

"Because, Shut up! Now we can begin teaching you."

"On that subject, why do you think you know more than the ponies?"

"Because unlike them, the one who taught me thought to question things."

"Who was he?"

"The same human that created me in the first place!"

"Hold up! You were made by a human? How!?"

"I asked him the same thing, but all he ever said on the subject was something about "drunk science" and "mine turtles".

"Alright, you keep bringing up this former demon-lord guy, I think it is time for a bit of an explanation."

"Very well. as I said, he created me. If what he said is to be believed, then I was supposed to be an assistant and student. Someone to pass on his knowledge. He had no one he could trust with such an important role, so instead he created someone he thought would be perfect for the job. I somehow doubt it, because he was drunk when he said this."

"You asked for an explaination... while he was drunk?"

"In my defence, he was always drunk."

"Do you know how he got here?"

"He told me he was summoned by the dark king Sombra during his final stand, and had been at war with the princesses ever since."

"Yeah, about that. You said that the princesses ruled the sun and moon before, but I couldn't focus on the account of being asleep. What did you mean by that?"

"I meant what I said. They have control over the rise and fall of the sun and moon."

Okay, out of everything I have heard since I got here, this is the single most ridiculous so far. I fell over, and started laughing. Nightmare face-palmed and continued.

"I know it sounds ridiculous. My creator taught me what he knew of physics and astronomy, but for some reason they are truly capable of altering the very solar-system!"

THAT killed my laughter dead in its tracks. Our enemies are beings capable of flinging the sun around, what an uncomfortable thought.

"Do you have any idea how they can do that?"

"My creator said he was close to a break through, but they managed to defeat him with their ultimate weapon before he could complete whatever he was working on. The "Elements of Harmony". I would have read his notes to try and continue his work, but he predicted he own defeat and burned all of his work claiming, "These ponies are not ready to have access to such knowledge yet. If they get their hooves on these notes, the following war would mean the end of the world."

"Alright, I have to ask. What was he like?"

Oddly enough, in response to my question she had one of her minions start drawing in the dirt.

"What are you doing?"

"This will be apart of your first lesson; Ponies think that the horn is the key to accessing their magic. In a way they are right, but that is only a part of it. The way it works is the substance of the horn is a powerful reagent, while the power is generated by emotions, but the final piece is the shape. The horn's spiral commands how the magic flows."

But emotions are just a chemical reaction in the brain, how could they generate that much energy? The horn must amplify it somehow. As I pondered, she had finished her drawing. It wasn't a spiral though, instead it was a circle with smaller circles inside of it, all evenly placed with four lines going through and connecting them all, yet stopping at the smallest and largest circles without going through.

"What is this going to do?"

"While the spiral is good for directing the flow of magic, that just means it is a general purpose symbol. Different symbols can be used to do specific jobs more effectively. This one creates vibrations."

This is starting to sound kind of like alchemy.

"What did you make that for?"

"Because he always insisted I play this song when he is introduced."

"A song?"

One of the nightmares started shifting, and became the funniest thing I have ever seen. This is the dreaded demon-lord! standing half-naked in nothing but white boxers with little hearts on them, is a tale, flabby, yet tanned man standing at six feet and six inches wearing a purple cloak and matching (yet much too small) pointed hat, all while holding a pink wand with butterfly wings on the end. That wasn't what sent me into a laughing fit! He had a pointed hat that rested lopsided on... a horse mask with what looks like a broken-off unicorn horn taped, yes literally taped, to the forehead! As if it couldn't get any better, Nightmare actually said:

"Introducing "Emperor Jack-Ass Mc.Awesome-Sauce, The Fabulous Reverse Centaur!""

And the song that started!

Youtube Video

They got trolled so hard by this guy! It is simply amazing! We ended up having to take a break. I laughed so hard I started coughing up blood again, but on the bright side the water purifier was done. It just needed some fire to boil the water. I looked at the blood on my hands (I cover my mouth when I cough, unlike you savages). I just got a wonderful idea.

Nightmare's POV:

We had just decided to give Sanguis some time to recover. That was always the result the "Emperor" wanted to see. His enemies were always too busy laughing to put up much of a fight. My servants started gathering wood for a fire, with all the blood he is losing his name is unfortunately fitting. But after the wood was gathered, he started smearing his blood on the tips of his fingers before clasping his hands in an odd manner. While the rest of his fingers where wrapped together, his first two fingers on each hand were pointing forward, and placed just below his mouth. Wait, that looks familiar. Is he-

"Fire Style: Fire Ball Jutsu!"

With that said, he let loose a sudden blast of fire from his mouth that would have made adolescent dragons jealous. The flames were hot enough that the wood was instantly set ablaze.

"Yes! I have always wanted to do that!"

I could only stare in shock. He had already started cooking the cockatrice on a stick by the time I could speak properly again.

"I only just began to teach you the basics, and you have not only revived an ancient and forbidden type of magic, but have even created a new method of casting that requires no artifact or prepared-in-advance symbols... You really are a demon aren't you."

"I dunno, every keeps calling me one though."

"Your bark is on fire."

"AAAAHHHH! Put it out!" He screamed as he ran to the pond waving his flaming hand through the air.

This is going to be very interesting indeed!

Possibilities

I sat back and enjoyed my success, eating the oddly tasty cockatrice with some, now clean, water. Leaning back against a large rock (not trusting any of the exotic plants. Any of them could be poisonous to the touch for all I know). Nightmare had recovered from her shock, and seemed immensely pleased that I was able to perform such a feat so quickly, likely happy about being that much closer to her revenge, and had decided to have her minions disappear to... wherever they go when she does not need them. The two of us were just relaxing as she explained some of the more complicated forms of magic, mostly stuff that is traditionally forbidden. We are talking Summoning, Flesh-Crafting, Blood-Magic, and Necromancy. We decided to start with Flesh-Crafting, as it is the most likely to help with my current situation, unless I wanted to try and become some weird Lich-Tree-Thing.

On that subject, I have decided to add to my name. I am now Lignum Sanguis, The Tree of Blood! Fear my bloody wood! May all my foes kneel, mourning their loved ones, in its presence! It will be The Wood of Mourning, or The Mourning Wood!

An explanation on what I did earlier, plus gushing a little about it actually working; I can't believe it actually worked! By using blood as the reagent, I was able to have my hands serve as the symbol. The sign I made guided the "mana" to the tips of my fingers, which created a highly charged field of energy. Think of the trick with a spray-can and a lighter. I made my fingers the lighter, an oddly intense lighter. I felt the sudden influx of energy, almost like I was a living circuit being struck with lightning. While I had used hate as my emotion of choice in an attempt to power the "spell", there is no reason I can see for it having that much power behind it. If I had to guess, I would say that the "mana" for the "spell" is coming from elsewhere, with me serving as more of a medium than anything else, but where could it be coming from?

"Flesh-Crafting may seem difficult at first, but with the proper knowledge it is actually fairly simple. The most important thing, is to know the anatomy and biology of whatever you are working with. Once you understand the limitations of what you can and can't add or remove, you can find ways to circumvent those limits. Ultimately, you just need to know how you should go about altering them, as certain creatures can be very different from the norm."

"Then how do we start with the alterations?"

She smirked at me before responding with, "You already did the necessary spell."

"I did?"

"When you were performing that "Fireball Jutsu" of yours. The trick to it is the ability to heat and cool the parts being grafted, so you can choose how pliable they are."

"So... I literally melt the flesh, bone, or whatever I am altering when I go to mess with it?"

"No, you never want to go that far, just warm it enough to allow you to shape it, and remember to cool it afterwards."

"This is like blacksmithing with more bones involved."

"Precisely!"

"How is it that more people do not use this?"

"Not only is it forbidden, but everyone tends to think there is some big secret to "unlocking" the darker magics, as if these spells could only be cast after doing some blood sacrifice on the full-moon. It would not really be so hard to figure out if they just tried. The difficult part is trying to graft something on. If the part came from another creature, than you need some way of either altering one of the two in a way that would keep the creature's body from rejecting it, or tricking the creature's body into excepting it."

"And how do I do that?"

"One method is with a potion made from the blood of a changeling. Those creatures ability to alter their form seems to effect their very DNA. This makes them incredibly useful, so I suggest keeping the dismembered parts should you ever fight one. You could very well-"

Our conversation was interrupted, by the distinct sound of a twig snapping. I was already getting up to fight, while Nightmare just relaxed, still smirking.

Looking at where noise came from she said; "What a coincidence."

I did not get a very good look at it because of my poor eye-sight (It has just been getting worse, and the bark on my left hand is still singed), but I saw something with the basic equine shape run off into the forest. If that is a shape-shifter, then it could be my ticket to fixing this "cancer", so obviously I run after it. Our little chase was actually quite short lived. It seems sprinting and panicking are two activities to do not want to do at the same time while running in a forest so thick that it blocks out almost all light. What I am trying to get at is, it ran head-first into a tree. I finally managed to get a closer look at it. You know, I expected worse. Changelings were never depicted as being the sexiest of creatures in their true form, actually this bug-pony-thing is an improvement. It groggily opened its eyes, and started screaming.

"AAAHH! PLEASE DON'T DISMEMBER ME!"

.....

"Maybe." And with that, I punched it as hard as I could in the face to knock it out, and a few more times for good measure.

I dragged the no-longer screaming bug back to the pond. There I saw Nightmare standing with a calm smile.

"You knew it was watching us whole time didn't you."

"Of course, I just didn't know where precisely it was. I just needed it to make a mistake, then we would know where it was exactly. They are not usually that easy to scare though. This one seems to be quite young."

"Were you serious about the potion?"

"Oh that potion is very much so real, and I am one of the few beings with the knowledge required to make it."

I lay the changeling on the rock I was resting on. If their blood is capable of such feats, then I should be able to do marvelous things with a whole one.

"Nightmare, I need you to go inside this thing. I want details on its anatomy."

"Very well, I am curious as to what you have planned." With that said, she faded into a miasma and floated into the changeling's mouth. As she was searching through its insides, I was practicing my hand-signs trying to find the ones that would do what I need for this. Eventually Nightmare returned, and now it is go time.

"What did you find?"

"Their anatomy is very interesting. They are said to feed on love, and it is quite literal."

"What?"

"This creature is capable of stealing love from its prey through its horn, and that is their only source of nutrients that I could find."

I have to restrain my urge to shudder and/or recoil from the freaky bug monster. Now, most people would think; "What is so bad about that? Love is a positive emotion, nothing about it could possibly be wrong!" Unless you take into account that emotions are chemicals in the brain, meaning this thing is practically taking a straw to your head and sucking out your brain juices. This would leave you not only incapable of feeling love, whether permanently or temporarily I am not sure, but a chemical imbalance like that would leave you mentally and emotionally unstable, so, even if you do recover, you could have already been driven to complete insanity and/or even killed someone in a random bout of rage, or yourself in a bout of depression. I should of guessed from the insectoid nature. Bugs are cruel predators.

"What of its nervous system?"

"It does not seem to have one."

"Excuse me?"

"This thing is like one giant nerve with a shell. It is even capable of rearranging its organs."

Oh, this is going to be good. "Then this is sure to hurt a lot."

"What are you going to do?" Nightmare looks at me in confusion, as I make my sign.

Lets see if this works. My body is fucked anyway, so why not start making some alterations. For my first trick, I am extending the nerves in my left hand until very small points become visible from under the bark and now I- DULL THE NERVES! DULL THE NERVES! DULL THE FUCKING NERVES! I quickly bite my lip and make a symbol with my blood on my left shoulder; an arrow pointing down my arm with several lines wrap around my arm forming, what I hope it will work like, a wall. As I do what I can to fix my horrible mistake, I am relieved that it works. I blocked off all sensation in my left arm, while still being able to move it. This should be able to serve a dual purpose though. The arrow I drew on my should resembles the sign I used to spit fire. Focusing on my hatred for all living things, I activate the bloody markings... And my hand starts sparking with electricity.

The body moves because the brain sends signals to the muscles through the nerves. Those signals are very weak electrical shocks, so if I amplify the signal that reaches nerves that are not connected to any muscles they will shock whatever they come in contact with, in other words I can now electrocute people with my fingers. Time to test it.

As I approach the Changeling, it begins to stir.

"Where am I?" It said, still not fully awake, but I can now at least recognize it as a she by her voice. That is going to make my plan a little awkward.

"Witty one-liner." After my witty one-liner, She finally noticed me, and started to panic again. Thankfully this wasn't the "Scream and Cry" kind of panic, it was the "I'm going to die fighting" panic.

"Wh-What do y-you want from me!?" She yells as she gets in a stance that she seems to think might be menacing. Honestly, it just looks cute, until she lit on fire, green fire to be precise. Now that is interesting!

She stopped whatever she was doing, possibly horrified by the smile I was giving her. She just lit on fire. Fire comes from intense heat, which is molecules vibrating. She is able to command her body so well that she can rapidly vibrate to the point of lighting on fire without taking any damage from the heat. I want it.

"Well, if you must know. I want your body."

Both her and Nightmare just stare at me after that.

She starts to say, "Now, we can be reasonable about this. I am not that kind of-"

"Oh, you only wish I meant that."

"Then what do you-"

"You'll see." As I say that, I rush her with my still sparking hand. The result was rather interesting, as I have never seen someone ripple like they were made of water during a seizure before. Now to do my thing.

"You see, my body is going to fail me, and you could have the key to fixing this, so I decided, "If Nightmare can do it, so could I"."

Nightmare's POV

This... This is not what I expected at all. I stood there mortified as I watched him sink into the changeling! He started by pushing his arm into her rippling form, but there was no blood or breakage. It was like she was a new suit for him to try on. Slowly, he managed to fit himself, limb by limb, into her, until all that I could see was a changeling having a seizure. Eventually the rippling stopped, and a while after that the twitching. I was starting to think the psycho had managed to kill himself in his attempts, until the it started twitching again. The twitching turned into wild flailing, and it kept going for some time. When it finally stopped, it just got up, and I heard it speak with his voice.

"Ah, nice and comfy. Now, what is the next item on the agenda?"

What is this thing!

Infiltration

Twilight's POV

"Alright girls, keep looking! Check off every book you see on the list!"

She had gathered to rest of the group in the library, in hopes of finding our Sanguis' plans, but none of the stolen books seemed to have any sort of pattern to them. It was like he just took them at complete random! Rarity paused in her search and asked.

"Twilight, are you sure this is necessary? I don't see how any of these will help us figure out what he has planned."

"We have to try Rarity. No doubt Sanguis is already hard at work plotting his next cruel scheme!"

Meanwhile, back to Melvin.

I look back at my reflection in the pond. The red eyes of a slim dark-green earth-pony mare with a black mane and tail stared back. I made my Mark (I refuse to say cutie-mark) a tree with red leaves. I talk to my reflection with my new voice (think; Mature Seductress) and a smile on my face.

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard!"

I'm glad I finally figured out this shape-shifting thing, and having someone like Nightmare (who is oddly experienced at this) certainly helped. It turns out that they could use multiple methods; one is using the heat of the flames to actually rewrite their DNA, since I don't want to fuck anything up just yet I'll stick with the second method. With a little less heat, and a bit of knowledge of Flesh-Crafting, I can mold it into what ever I want. This method is actually pretty cool to watch, as the body begins rippling you get to see the changes. It is like watching someone mold a liquid clay. I'm not sure how something like that would work, but it would be cool to see.

Though I must admit to being very happy about the first method. This new body is going to become my playground, where I test all manner of genetic enhancements! Anything that works, I can use to replace the failing parts on my own body. Yeah, I'm still in here somewhere. Though a small complication has arisen, I'm eating for two now. I will need to keep both bodies fed, and that means I need someone to fall in love with me... Fuck.

I can't remain hidden in the forest for much longer, so I have decided to make this into an opportunity! I am going to straight to the city of these princesses, this "Canterlot". They only wish they had as cool and silly a place as Camelot. If I can get into the palace, especially as a maid or guard, I could get something of theirs; a lock of hair, a bit of spit, a drop of blood, whatever I get I plan on stealing their very DNA. With time to study it, I should be able to use it to gain their immense power!

"Nightmare, it is time for us to split-up for a while."

"What!? Where are you going!?"

"To Canterlot!"

"Why in the world are you going there!? You are going to get yourself killed!"

"I'll be fine. You, on the other hand, have fought with them for over a thousand years. They would likely have ways of finding you, but you have allies don't you?"

"Yes, I still have beings loyal to me. Why?"

"Easy, while I am gone, I think it best for you to gather your forces. Stick to the shadows, surprise is our greatest weapon right now."

"I always do, but what will you be doing in Canterlot?"

"I'm going to make us some new bodies."

She seemed surprised by my proclamation, likely not expecting me to get her anything while I was out. I do things for my friends, and she could be very helpful with all that power under her control, without having to fight anyone over it. That's right, I am going to make our new bodies, empty shells for us to control!

"Just don't get yourself killed."

"Same to you."

With that, I leave for Canterlot. The trip was... uneventful. I suppose I could try describing the walk, with wide grassy fields and a dirt road, how I went around Ponyville because the last thing I wanted was another heart-attack without Nightmare being there to fix me up, or how I would occasionally stop to glare at everything around me (I just fucking HATE bright colors), but none of these were relevant or interesting in any way. For once since I got here, nothing is trying to kill me, but something important did happen on the way. I got bored, so I decided to start toying with my new body. I was messing with my eyes, since they were rather important to get right for when I eventually claim them for the real me. By altering the irises pattern and the flow of blood to them, I was hoping to replicate a useful ability.

I created the Sharingan... It turned out green because of the changeling's blood, so I figured that changing my eyes to always be green would keep people from getting suspicious.

What I am attempting will have one eye will send signals, while the other one receives the signal as it bounces back, in other words I am creating a wireless circuit with the target's mind. With this, I am hoping to be capable of both, reading a target's surface thoughts, and influencing their thoughts. This could be difficult, as a signal that is attempting to influence them would have to be something they would believe to be their own thought, otherwise they will see through my trick, and reading their thoughts will only allow me know what they plan on doing, but does not account for any miscalculations on their part. Finally, this will only work if I maintain eye-contact. If eye-contact gets broken for any reason, then the circuit is broken.

There is one more problem with this. This thing is fucking draining! I will not be able to keep it active for very long without practice. The worst part is, that I don't even know if it will work, as I have yet to find anyone to test it on!

By the time I made it to Canterlot, The Sun was already falling below the horizon. I was let in without any hassle, but I must express my concern. I have no idea how this city keeps from falling apart. It doesn't look like stability was a factor they considered when designing this place, and that worries me. I don't want a falling tower to flatten me. Okay, it is dark, I have no where to go, and if the security has even the slightest bit of sense they would not let me just walk into the palace.

...

I don't see anyone. It is like these ponies turn in the moment the Sun goes down. How... annoying.

"It seems I am spending my first night in the city on the streets. That's just dandy..."

I decided to try and find a nice dark alley to rest in, somewhere I wouldn't be bothered. Irritatingly enough, just as I had finally found a semi-comfortable position to lay down in, some punk chose right then and there to bother me.

The first sign of him I got was the sound of hoof-steps approaching, but I had just gotten comfortable and didn't really care at the moment. It was his voice that annoyed me the most.

"Well look what I found! It seems somepony is down on their luck."

Annoyed that I couldn't just be left alone, I look for the source of the voice, aka; my first victim. I see a unicorn standing in front of me. It lacked the slender appearance of my current form, and the voice confirms that he is male. The stallion's appearance is as follows; He has Brown fur with a black mane, and his mark is a pile of gold coins. Looking straight into his brown eyes with my own green ones, I figure now is as good a time as any to test my new alterations, so I activate my Sharingan.

'Now why is this young mare all alone?'

That... was weird. I can hear his voice in my head, and I can even "see" how he is going to move before he actually does so. It is kind of like having double vision, but only applied to one object.

"Don't you know? All manner of shady ponies could prey on a lone mare like you at night. Why don't we try to find you someplace sa-"

Jeez, does this guy ever shut-up. To get him to stop talking, I opened my mouth. The look of shock on his face was wonderful, as a large, gnarled, discolored arm rushed out of my mouth and clamped onto his face. Just to make sure he doesn't try to scream, I proceed to fry his brain with electricity. He falls over as I let him go, blood pouring forth from every opening in his head. (Eyes, nose, mouth, ears, you get the idea.)

"Damn, was that my arm? The thing looked like it would belong on Nightmare. Damn it! I already work with someone called Nightmare! Now this whole thought is just confusing!"

Oh well, back to what I should do with this idiot. Ever hear the phrase; "so hungry I could eat a horse"?

Shining Armor's POV

"What happened here?" I asked while looking at the blood covered alley. The bloody mess was found last night by one of the Night Guards, now I was trying to get some info from one of them, hoping they found anything that could lead us to the culprit.

"We are not sure, sir. All that was left of the victim were bones, and not even all of them, but the ones we found seem to have... teeth marks."

"Somepony was eaten!? Any idea what did it, or where it could have gone?"

"None, whatever did this knows how to hide it's tracks, and the teeth are nothing like any creature we have seen before. It is like a basilisk did this, with a pet shark, that was made of razors, and on fire."

"They were burned?"

"Cooked, actually. Which has only made things more confusing, as there are no intelligent creatures we know of that could do this except for a dragon, much less while in Canterlot. Such a creature shouldn't be so hard to find."

"Double patrols around the city, and make sure everyone knows to stay inside after dark. I am not going to let any more ponies be eaten."

"Yes Sir!"

What could have done such a horrible thing, and go completely unnoticed?

Twisted Schemes

Pacing in an alley away from the prying eyes of those ponies, I reflect on the sudden change of circumstances I find myself in. I am so very annoyed by this... WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE PINK! At first I thought the increase in guard activity was funny. I was going to go on a killing spree, just to prove that there was nothing they could do to stop me, then I was going to use the paranoia of the unknown crazed monster to try and get me into the castle out of pity. With how they have acted so far, I have yet to see a reason why the guards would leave a lone mare on the streets with a dangerous monster on the loose. Now though, the guards are everywhere, and the entire city is surrounded in a MOTHER-FUCKING PINK *BARRIER!* So many questions, I have no idea where to start. What even IS that? What is holding a barrier of that size? What is it made of? Why is it pink!? Why do they have a barrier up? Why are there guards everywhere? What is going on!?

I killed one person. That should not call for this, even if his death was brutal. I have many reasons to believe something else is going on here, as this is ridiculously overboard for one death, and the only thing a barrier would accomplish is locking themselves in with the murderer. Something outside of my knowledge must be happening. I hate not knowing things, but I have no idea how I could figure out what is going on! The guards aren't much help. It seems like they only recruit mutes, or they got extensive training on being silent assholes. As for the residents, everyone here is too much of a snob to talk to me! How am I supposed to get into the castle now?

Maybe I would have had better luck if I didn't eat that guy. I was too quick to resort to killing. If I had waited a bit and gotten kidnapped or something, then I could have killed him in his own home and stolen his appearance. At the very least I would not be on the streets. Now though, there are guards watching everything and I have no where to serve as a base, as well as no supplies to help me accomplish my goals... Unless... I have an idea. I don't need to sneak past the guards. They are going to let me in... When did I get on the wall? Somehow, during my absent minded pacing, I had gone vertical and was currently walking back and forth along a wall. I am glad no one came along during my scheming. This would be very difficult to explain. I really need to pay more attention to my surroundings, else one of these days something horrible is going to catch me completely off-guard.

"Oh yeah, kinda forgot that this body is a giant insect. Neat!"

All distractions aside, it is time to put my genius plan in action!

"GET BACK HERE THIEF!"

I laughed as I heard the shout from the infuriated chef, running as fast as three legs could take me.

"You'll never catch me, fatso!"

To be honest, I would probably be pissed too if I were in his situation. It isn't every day that some random person bursts into your kitchen, grabs the nearest bag, fills it with all of your eggs, punches one of your helpers in the face, then runs away. The bag was half full of flour too, this is going to be fun! I had slammed my way out of the door and was sprinting down the street when, as to be expected, guards quickly arrive to apprehend me. They likely heard the shouting, that guy can seriously yell! There are currently six of them coming after me, 2 Pegasi, 2 Unicorns, and 2 Earth-Ponies. The Pegasi landed in front of me to block my path, while the rest were coming in from behind.

"Stop right there! Come quietly or-"

"EGG!" *Splat*

While the one that spoke up was distracted by the egg to the face, I kept running without slowing down. As the other one moved to block my path, I raised my head, so I could slam it back down.

"Headbutt!"

That would have been a horrible Idea, if this was my body, and if it didn't have a thick shell hiding just under the fur.

"Fuck yo helmets!"

"What is her skull made of!?"

"She threw an egg at my face! Who does that!?"

With one still trying to get the combination of egg and flour out of his eyes and the other stunned via face-attack, I quickly charge past them, only to be lifted into the air by an invisible force. Well, that was both short-lived and anti-climactic, but why can't I see the "magic". I was clearly lifted by one of the unicorns, like Twilight had tried to do before, but I can't tell which one is doing it because I don't see any aura around either the horns or myself. Hey, wait a minute!

"EGG!"

I throw eggs at the unicorns with expert precision, only for them to stop in midair, and for the bag to be roughly taken from me by one of the Earth-Ponies.

"Aw." I slump in sadness. They saw through my trick, likely because they literally just saw me do it to their buddy, and shouting my intention probably doesn't help either. What really gets me is, I still can't see their "magic". This is going to require more study. But for now, I will just have to settle for my plan coming to fruition.

"Come on you. I'm sure a few days in the dungeon will keep you from doing this again."

The group starts carrying me towards the castle. For some reason, the Pegasi were silently glaring at me the whole time. I try to memorize the lay-out of the castle, but this place is massive, and I only got to see a few hallways and a staircase downward before getting to the dungeon. They lock me in a cell, but they said that, since I didn't cause too much damage (They caught me pretty quickly), I would be out in a day or two and I would be fined for the cost of any repairs and ruined supplies. Jokes on them. I don't have any money!

So here I sit in my cell, time to play the waiting game.

Warden's POV

Time to deal with the prisoner. I rarely have to do much, as not many are dumb enough to commit crimes here in Canterlot. This one worries me though. Most ponies are hysteric, angry, drunk, or a combination of the three when they get tossed in a cell, but not her. She was silent the whole time, and even now she just sits there staring at nothing. I can't wait for my shift to end. It will be nice to stretch my wings. For now though, I have to get her some food. She seems to notice me as I walk to the door to her cell with her meal. It is kind of creepy to have her blank stare focused on me. Nevertheless, I open the door so I can give her the food and get out of here.

"It's time for your meal."

She gives me the strangest smile at this. Why must everything-OH SWEET CELESTIA, WHAT IS SHE!? I take a step back upon seeing her smile. Her teeth were not that of any pony. She had several rows of closely packed teeth, and each one looked like it would belong more on the end of a small scythe than in the mouth of any living creature! She spoke with a sarcastic sweetness.

"What an unfortunate choice of words."

She rushed me with surprising speed. I tried to defend myself, but nothing could prepare me for what happened next. I planned to hold her off so I could get the door closed and locked again. As I raised a hoof to strike her though, a strange pattern formed in her irises, and they started spinning. She effortlessly ducked under my swing before lunging at my throat. Instead of ripping out my throat as I thought she would, she pushed me too the ground and pinned me there.

Looking me in the eyes with a twisted smile she said, "What a pity, you guards don't have any armor from below. You are about to regret that immensely."

I try to struggle, but find myself incapable of moving my limbs. I don't mean she was overpowering me, I mean I literally could not move. I look down between us, and see myself... rippling? And she was sinking into me, what is happening!? I try to scream, hoping someone might get this thing off of me, but before I can even open my mouth a strange limb comes out of her's and forces mine shut. I thrashed in the grip of the clawed appendage, but nothing I did could get this thing off of me. As the creature continued to sink into me, I felt my consciousness slipping.

I stand, getting a feel for my new body. He put up quite a struggle, and his body should serve me well. First, I need to test something, I push my arm out and punch the wall as hard as I can. Oddly enough, even though my hand looks like it was damaged, the impact felt dulled. The mark I made on my shoulder faded a while ago, so maybe it is a side-effect of becoming part tree. Either way, I have successfully made my way into the castle. Now where to go from here?

Interruptions

Alright, time to get to work. Now that I have attained the body of guard member, I need to explain the disappearance of the prisoner. That could be tricky, but if I do this right the resulting panic might prove to be just the distraction I need. I will need to come up with a way to get them to think of her as their top priority. But before I do that, I need to test something. Now that the changeling's body is no longer necessary, I attach what passes for her arteries to the pony's veins. After making sure that injecting him with changeling blood won't kill him, I do the same to myself, and I slowly start feeling a sense of relief wash through my body.

Only one knows how to make the potion my ass!

Only a fool would just trust anyone unconditionally, especially a demon. It seems Nightmare was of the same mind-set. She was likely hoping I would believe her, then she would be able to control me through being the only one holding the key to my survival. But it seems the potion was unnecessary, I haven't felt this good since I got summoned! Hell, I don't think I have ever felt this good! I CAN DO THIS! I ran out of the dungeon, ready to put on the performance of a life-time! On the way out though, I was intercepted by a strange bat-pony-thing in armor, I have heard them be referred to as the "Night Guards" while I was on the street. This works too.

"Whoa! Hey Gold, what's the rush?" He said, understandably surprised.

Now for my panicked response, "Th-the prisoner! She just-She just disappeared!"

It seems to be my turn to be surprised, because, instead of any of the possible responses I predicted, he just deadpanned.

"Wait. Let me guess. She smiled, waved, then vanished in a sudden poof of confetti and streamers."

I have no idea where he is going with this, better to just play along.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

As an answer, he pressed a hoof against his face before groaning, "Oh sweet Luna, not again. I suggest you stay wary of any strange pastries you find."

"Strange... pastries?"

"Yes, pastries. But just to be sure, I suggest you just be extra careful in general."

"Why? What's going on?"

"I'm surprised you don't know. I am referring to the dreaded S.S.-"

A look of horror overcomes my face. This world is not as it seems! They have cake loving Nazis!

"-P.W. We had to double the cleaning crew after the first battle. I had never seen so much yogurt in one place before, and they made all of Canterlot a battleground for their ridiculous antics."

Those Nazi bastards! Wasting perfectly good yogurt for their foolish notions of cake supremacy! Everyone knows pie is superior in every way! I must teach those-wait... OH GOD DAMN IT! I wanted wild, mindless, panic, not "mildly annoyed and slightly paranoid"! I need some way of making them worried about the escaped prisoner! The Night Guard seems to be giving me a funny look. Shit! How long have I been standing here thinking to myself this time!?

"Hey Golden, are you alright? This isn't something to get worried about. Ponies like them just go away if we ignore them."

Yeah, they thought that when they tried appeasing Hitler, and look how well that worked! No, stop getting distracted! I need a new plan of action... I have an idea~! First, lets get him talking. I forgot to ask this body's name before taking over, and I will not make that mistake again!

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, what was your name again, and why are you down here?"

He started glaring at me after my first question.

"Really!? You still can't remember it!? Night Wing! My name is Night Wing! As for why I am here, I was sent to get you! These dungeons rarely get any use anyway, and with the possible threat to the captain's fiance he wants all of the Day Guard at the ready."

"Just the Day Guard? What about you?"

"Princess Luna says she found something, and she wants all of us there to help her hunt it. She is even bringing the new guy along, so, what ever this is, it must be serious."

New guy? What could be so important about some new recruit? I have no idea, but asking would just be stupid. It is likely I already sound retarded to him, so I would be better off not making him suspicious. I need to catch him off guard for this to work.

"Thanks. I'll go-" As I speak, I fall over in a violent coughing fit. Come on, take the bait.

He rushes to my side with a worried look.

"Are you alright!? What's-OH SWEET LU-"

Well, I could only handle so much crazy before needing a break, but for now the Narrator is back! Now, it is time for us to get an semi-omniscient view of the situation.

As poor Nightwing attempted to help his comrade, "Gold's" mouth opened wide. Out of the gaping maw flew a monster the like of which he had never seen before. It's formerly dark shell now pale due to the lack of blood. It had several rows of wickedly curved teeth, like the blades of a scythe, and it had green slit eyes that were somewhat similar to his own, though unlike its former brethren (and the fact that Nightwing wouldn't understand the importance of this anyway) it lacked a horn. His panicked shout was cut off as his throat was blocked by the very creature that startled him, as it... shoved its head in his mouth?

"MMPH! MRAPHAMARAMOWF!"

With his shouts muffled by the monster, they served little purpose except for giving Melvin a headache. So like any intelligent creature, he started punching the thing forcing its way into him as hard as he could, successfully cracking the shell in some places.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Quit hitting me! AND WOULD YOU STOP SCREAMING!"

Greatly annoyed, yet not deterred, Melvin proceeded to push his way into the struggling guard. The guard on the other hand, made absolutely sure to do everything he could to be an inconvenience, including: punching, thrashing, trying to pull him out, and finally settling on shouting insults as loud as he can to give Melvin a migraine.

"MUR MOFFA WERS AH HAMPFA!"

"What did you say about my mother!? Just for that, I am going to eat your spleen!"

It continued like this for a some time. Melvin trying to take his body for his own, and Nightwing doing his best to avoid said fate, while simultaneously making sure the process is as painful and annoying as possible for Melvin. Eventually, Melvin managed to get full control over the body. After accomplishing this, he promptly twisted the face into a disgusted grimace.

"I have been lied to. Spleens are not delicious."

With that business finished, he turned to the body he had just left. He slowly walked towards it with a manic grin.

"Time to make a mess!"

After the dungeon was suitably covered in blood and severed giblets, he finally left the dungeon.

A hunting party! This is perfect! This will give me the opportunity I need! Soon, I will be close enough to Luna to take what I want!

Farther and farther he marched through the castle, until he came to a sudden realization.

"I have no idea where I am."

Having never gotten a proper lay-out of the castle and lacking a map of any sort, he found himself unmistakably lost. So he wandered aimlessly in hopes of finding his destination, thinking that asking for directions would cause suspicions in whoever he asked. He sure is paranoid. As he continued to walk without any sort of-oh no...

"There are so many..."

Oh, not again! *Sigh* Having the attention span of a fly, he lost all train of thought when he stumbled upon-

"BOOKS!"

-the library... He gazed in wonder at the plethora of knowledge in front of him, like a child during Christmas seeing the presents under the tree. His silent revelry was cut short when he heard the voice of the librarian.

"Night? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Princess Luna right now?"

Oh thank whatever gods roam this world. Maybe now we can get on with the story-why is he looking at him like that? Instead of being reminded of his current goal, he just started glaring intently at the old grey unicorn.

"Uh... Night?"

Like a starting shot just went off, he rushed the poor geezer. With a quick tackle he... Oh god! I need a-HRK-no. No, I'll be fine... No I won't-*BLARGLEFLARG!* Ugh, that was disgusting! Well, now wearing his new unicorn suit, he seemed confident that no one would bother him while he reads. With everyone preparing for the upcoming wedding, there seemed to be nothing that could get between him and his precious books.

I need to go... take a breather.

Marriage and Murder: Part 1

Okay, my sincerest apologies to the audience, but, since I am not getting paid for this malarkey anyway, I took another few days off to better prepare myself for narrating this dangerous lunatic's misadventures. I know it must have been hard being left alone with his thoughts, but the glorious Narrator has returned, so what did I miss? He is still there... Has he eaten? Slept? Done anything other than read for the past three days? It seems he has learned the difficulty of manipulating objects with hooves at least. While in the changeling's body, he could just cheat by bending the hoof around the object like a hand, but pony bodies are much less flexible. Instead, ponies grip objects by clenching their hooves in a manner similar to a suction cup, like an octopus. You are now thinking of octo-ponies. You're welcome. Still, this leaves far too much of a gap. Surely something significant had to have happened along this time-frame!

Alright, rewind. We are going to take a look at what has been going on in his noggin during these past few days.

And play:

So much learning, yet every answer brings new questions.

It is hard to separate fact from fiction in these books. While they know much about manipulating this "magic" of theirs, their knowledge of science has been crippled, though they seemed to have learned how to use it in ways similar to our own manipulation of electricity to power their technology. While they are not nearly as ignorant as I first believed, they still seem to have this reoccurring issue. I call it "Magical Gaps". If there is a gap in their knowledge that they cannot currently explain, instead of trying to find it they say "it must be magic!" What makes this difficult is that I am not sure where the line is drawn. Where is "Magical Gaps" in play and where is this world just fundamentally different from what I know. So much is similar, yet there are so many differences.

According to these tomes, nature as I know it is not the norm, yet somehow the nature I know still persists as the "Everfree Forest". Fitting name. It would make more sense if the world was one way or another, but this just makes it confusing. Pegasi can push clouds, but not in the Everfree. Earth Ponies can influence the plant life, but the Everfree refuses to heed their green... hoof? Those horned horses of harrowing horrors seem to be the only ones that keep their unnatural abilities inside the forest. Then the question is, w̰̺̦͑̽̾͌ͪ̔̓́h̼̺̩ͦ̽̇̄̚y̧͍̻̰̍ͧ̒̈́̔̽̇? Why does the forest seem to follow a completely different set of rules? Ẅ̞̗͓͉̗͓́͆͘ḫ̮̗͎͕̗ͭỵ̙̪̐ͨ͟ are those rules so similar to my own world? W͉̟͗͊ͯ̔h͎̙͋͒̏̾̄̚y͕͔͙͙͈̺̻̿ͯ is it only u̫̹̥͔̱̥̓͊͒ͨͮ̒̾nͩ̅̅̆̓̓̈͟i̳̺̻̣̙̰̽̇͌̆ͫͦ͑͠corns* that can still use their "magic" in the f̺̻̮̥͚̃ͧ̂̄̐͆ǫͯ̃͒͑ͪ̿ͨȑ̷͍̯̲͒ͩ̎̽ͪe̠̠͍̮̟̠̣͑̑ͨ̃̐s̻̄t̾ͯ̔͗?̢͕͙͇̐ͨ͑̉*

S͍͔͕͓̩̮̘̔̊ͩ̌͒̄ͩ͠o̟͒ͯͅ ̫͎͍͈͎̥ͪ̎̓ͪͩ͞m͍͖ͦ̾̈́͆ͭͭa̸̬̗͎̥̜͖͒n̢͈̬̜̝͇y̩̪̬̰̤̬̘ͦ̉ͣ̚ ̺͉̠ͤ̊̅ͭ͘q̢̞̔̎ͮu̢̳͉̜̳̖͓͋ē̳̫̜͙̠̠̦ͨ́ͩ͢s̫̟̠͈̝̳̼̑̅͗̓ͭͮͪ̕ṯ̛̦͆ͪ̀́̄̎i͍̣o̖̫̤̭̠͕ͩ̌ͥͩn̟̺̬͍̞͎̼ͣ̆ͭ͂͒s̪͖̬̗͉̪͉ͩ͋ͤ̽̋̍ͬ͠.̫͇̦͓͉͕̟̒̂̆̽͜.̭̺̤̝͍͈.̮͚̬̪̲̪͆

S̸͇͍͇͙̯̲o̴͙̤̯͑̿͆̏̄͒ͅ ̓͊̇̋̐͊͌m̵̳̝̗̩̲͊ͨ̚a̟͚̠̞ͫ̈́ͫ̉̽͜n̯̬̺̰͔͉̘ͣ͌̚y ̼͎̮̣ͯ̔̐͐ͤ̎a̽ͮ͐͛ͭ̓n͒̿̕s͇̙͍̼͈̔ͭ̊̽̌w̪̞͚͔̮̻̙ͧ͗e͙͇͍̜̦̞͇͐͒͑r͖̈̉ͬ̓̽s͕͚̭̀̀ ̛̣͈̠ͥͭͥ̏̾̐t͐̽̈͟o̮ͤ̓ͥ̅̈́̈ͦ͡ ̯̻̦̳̔ͦ̊̂f̶̌ͩ͂ͤͫi̪̣̤ͣ̾̈̐̋́nd͗̆͑͆҉.̺̿̽͋̌̃̏̆̀.͉͚̺̜̩̍̏̾͐̂̑ͩ.̦͍͙̝͓̬ͮ̓́ͅ

W̶̱̤̼̲͉̻̲͙̟͈͍̪̩̘̙̱ͩ͒̉̓̄̌͊̆͋͐̆̂͗̿ͭ̄̀̚h̢͈͖͈̦̮̠̼̟̣̳͆̀ͣ̋ͫ͂͝͠a̷̠͕̤͍̦̪͓̺̠̗̱͒ͫ͛̈̒̅ͫ̽̆̽͐̋̓͛ͨ̿́̚͝ͅt̡̫͕̯̮̪̟̤̱̤̄ͨ̓͗̿͂̑ͣ̄̏̋ͫ͛ͧ̌͘ͅ ̵̷̧̩͈̭͉͗̋́ͩ̌̈́̇ͦ͢i̶̢̠̟̬̦ͬ̆ͥ̎ͩ̍ͥ̊͋̋ͧͧ̄͂͗͐̇͛̽͘s̛͍͖̝̱͈̹͔͚̼͌͌ͧ̌͆ͩ̓ͬ͝ ̻͇̙͍̼̓͋̔͛ͤͤͪ͋ͧ́̀̀̚t̶͉͈̰͍̙̙͔̘̻̻ͣͥ̃̀ͥ̏͗͌ͦ̚̕hͦ̄ͮͤ̋̾̌̈̅͂ͬ͋͋ͬ̂ͧͭ҉͈͉̫̥̭͖̠̙̪̥̟̤̪̕i̷̶̷̗̗͚̹͎̬͓͖͓̫̪̪͚̗̥͚̇̓̆̓ͦ̋̎͗̌ͥ̊̏͘͝ş̟̳̭̘͎̞̱̞̦̤̞̩̜̮̭̳̮ͭ̆̅͒̾̉̾̓͌̽̓ͮͫ̎͌̀͢ ̢̢̓̿̂͒̏͌̂̔ͧ̚҉̬͖͈̥̣͚̲̤͔̦̞͚̣͉̮̪̟̗͜͜ͅI̴̿̒͒̑̿̓ͫ҉̶̳͓͍͚̺̭̮͎̤͈̞̺̗͙̜ͅ ̴̈́ͨͭ̅̈́͆ͪ̓ͣ͟͡͏̳͔͈͔͔̻̘̼͖̩̳̻͈ͅf̶͎̜̻̤̖̦͔̺̖̠̬ͣ͆͗̏̎̃ͮ̒̂̂͐̕̕̕͜ͅͅo̶̡͉͓̫͈̼̗̞̪̱̪͚̳̘̯̮̝͓ͦ̌̎̋̏ͥͥͤͤͤ͑̃͑͛͒̒ͭͮ͞u̇̎̒̌̓̊͗ͣ̿̓ͫ̋͜͠͏̡̦̝̞̝̙͈̳̤̞͘n̷̵̵̝̜̯͈̩̭̍͋̐ͫ̒ͪ̚͜d̴̻̬̰̤̘̰̻̠̂̈̽́͛͊̃ͬ̾͑ͯ̒͗͟?̢͌̊͗̃̊̒ͣ͋̏̍͆ͣ͠͡҉͖͕̹̼̞̹̺͇͜

T͛̃ͭ͛ͬ̓͝҉҉͚̥̳̰̯̗̥̫̞̣̩̻h̶̿̄͗ͨ̽ͩ̕͏̖͖̪̦̞͎͎̜͕͇̝̖͚̱i̸̸̛̯̲̮̟̘̝̪̼̬̣̻̠̟̟̬̻̯͕̳ͭ͐̑ͬ̽̈́̓̇s̨̠̙̭̞͕̫̺͚̜͔̭͂͋͑ͧ̆̈͂́͌̾͜ ̴̷͆̎̽ͩ̑͛̐ͪ̚̚͞͠͏̳̤̟̠̱̼̹̟̬ş̌ͯ̈ͧ͂ͪ̍͋̆͏̴̶͎̙̫̣̳̯͖̲̕c̴̸̡͇̱̣̪͕͍̖̬ͯͯͮ̊̅̿͊̑ͨ̋ͩͤͣ̽ͤ͆̋r̴̢̠̟̰̱̜͙̘̹͖̟̺͔̣̤̤̰̊̿̓͂̃̿̾ͤ͢͞ò̧̯͙̻̺̞͖͉͎͚͕͕̻̜̦̖̩̋͊͂͐̀͘͡ľ̨̼̮̗͎̍͗ͫ͘l̸̨̝͍͔̹̰̞̼̯̙͈̭̗͉̦̬̻̈̾̆̿̋̄ͧ̀́ͯ͌̓ͭͫͬͣ͟ ̵͕̜̻̙̻̱̺̪̯̼̗͉͎͙̯̠̽ͫ̐̓̆̌̽́́͘͞c͙̱̼͇̮̩̤̥̪̝̳̀̋̎͗̂̈ͮ̈ͩͧͭ͗̓ͮ͐͛͘̕͟͞͠ȍ̳̩͈̘͇̝̤̋ͯ̓ͯͨ͋͐̐͆̒̍͂̅̑ͥ̿̕ͅn̷̡̼͎͉͓͔̙͍̼̥̙̘̱̰͎̏̒̌́̌̽͌͊̈̓̕̕͡t̲̰̰͍͗͋̇́͑̔̽͂͂̅̒ͨ̽̃͐̄͜͟͝a̶̸̓̈́̎̇̌ͣͤ̾͛̓͊͂ͣ̒̒̍͋ͥ͏̖̻̩͢iͥͯ̑̿͌ͧ̋ͬ̒̏̈ͥ͂͛̓̈́҉̢̬͇̻̮͈͍̱̖̼nͥ̑ͧ̌̂͊̄ͥ͋̆̚͏̩̫̮̦͎̳͍̟͕̹̕ͅs̜̟͕̟̙̟̫͔̦̻̲̺̰̬̾̓̀ͥͨ̔̉ͭͤ͛̀ ̷̰̘̜̼̩̯̭̩̭̭͇̱̲̠̰̺̆̈́͌͌͗͐̏͜͝t̨̟͖̫͈̯̘̣̣̤̫͕̗̹̖̥ͤ̍ͤ̂͋ͮͦ̽́͂́̚͢͠ͅḩ̞̼̰̤͕̗̝͚̬̟̃͊͌͌͢͝͞e̛̽̌ͧ̋ͭ̓ͦ́҉̧͚͙̜̰͖̘͈͇̩͇͙͔̤͡ͅͅ ̵̷̨͇̗̭͍͖̬͎͖ͮ͗̅̌͂̈͂̂̈́̀s̏̑̀́ͥ̃̒̚͞͏̨̨̟̱̭̗͓̺̠͍͔̻͉͖̦̮ͅe͈͕̘̹̝̗̅̿̄̓̐̿̈͐͌̆͘͘c̴̷̨̲̦͙̹̳͒ͪ̏̒̋̍͌ͦͤͨ̒́r̒ͯͤ̀̍̉҉̷̀҉̤̣̰̫̪͉̹̱͓͈̘̠̟͍̼̙͇ͅe̱̤͖̝̺͕̖̘͙̦͇̻̯̥̻͇̮̙̓́̅̂͗̾ͬ̓ͣ͞͡t̵̜̥̱̼̣͙͇͙̪̱̱̤̜̫͈̹̹̣͆͐̍̈́̃͘͜ ̰̞̳̖͕̙͔̮͉̲͖͔̘̼̑̓͊͋̐ͬ̌͠ô̡̧͚͇̹̣̜̼̯͐͊ͨ̓ͮ͗̾ͯ͢f̴̨͖̪̯͉̗̫̲̬̲̘̘ͮ̊ͧͦ͗ͪ̋̽̅̑͞ͅ ̸̡͕̭̼̩̩̬͓̝̬͎ͬͮ͊ͤ̔̄̏ͬ̈́͑̿̂̚͝͡t̷̗͙̱̝̼̫̦͚̦̣̜̼̜̞̬͇̓͐ͣͤ͊ͦ͗̃͗̅̓͛͛ͧ̆̓̑̇̚ͅį̸̰̼̰̻̝͇̬͍̆̐̈͊̍m̨̮͍̞͖̖̱̱͈͎̋ͣͧ͊̉̒ͅͅé̵̴̷̷̻͍̹̗̙̖̄͌͑ͫ͊̉̔̀̚ ̌͆ͫͯͧͥͩ͗͋́̇ͬ̈͏̷̷̖̱̬͈͖̺̪͇̩̜͉̲̠̲̖̳̪͘͘t̷̛̗̜͔͕̭̣̹̮̳̪͉̻̜̗̻́͂̽͛ͨ̔̍ͭͩ͂̍̆ͪ̋̍̉̍̕͜r̹̳̰͔̥̣̎͂̀̾͂́͂ͮ̂ͦ̇̈̑ͦ͆͆ͥͪ̒́͞ǎ̑̄̿҉̢̮̣͈͓͍͈̤͕̳͙̤̪̭̳̖̕͞v̔͂͐̄̎҉̶̟̘̳̩̞͜͜͞e̠̰̹̞ͬ̆͂ͤ͐̓ͪ̂ͩ̉ͯͩ̄̀͟l̨̢̻͎̩̲̙͙̦̹̗̖̗̭̻̠͓ͦͭ̍̈̉̾̿̅͆̈?̵̨̭̥̤̩̰̦͚̟̣̟͕̫̹̇̇ͨ͑̎ͬ́̀́͞ͅ

Į̸̬̟̈̆̈́͢ ̫̗ͪ͟c̅͌̆͐͢͏̳͉̱̩̣ͅoͨ̏̿͋͆͑̚҉̷͚̦̥͚u̸͚ͧ̃̇̇͛l̞͇̗ͩ̆͗ḍ̯̋̓̃̔̅ͤ͢ ̵̵̝̰͓̙̘̪̭̣ͭͨ͊̆̅ͬ̒ͨ͡j̸̧͇͗ͤ̊̈̊́̚͜u̡̺̩͔̫͔͔͔̯͚͌͐͂̌̃ͤ̀s̨̜̱̮̹̥ͣ̍̈́͑ͮ̅t͙̱͔͎̪̝͈͔ͫ͌̂̆ͨͯ̓̚͝ ̝̰͉͔̗̲͙̦̥̔̅̄̐͛ͤͨ͋p̬̭̭͍̙̜̜̯̈͛͋̈́̾̓̐ͦ͜l͙̦͓͉̟̟͇͔̔ͥͫͩa̢ͥ̅͑̅҉̞͖͔͕͙͉̪͎y̡̮͎͎̖̻̣͎͓̓ͬ͂̌ͤ̽̏ ̍̇͐̏ͦ̍̀͂ͯ͏̣̮̗̟̦̼̪ą̊͑̊̒ͫͧ̿̑͏̫̗̗̺̯̭͖̬ ͎̣̳̦̪̹̬͙͎ͣ͛͛̄ͪ͢͜t̑̽̔ͦͪ̉̚͏͚̺͙̗̙̳͎̱͡r̜̪͇̤̲̥͙̂ͮ̀͐ͬ̽ͬͪ͡͡ͅo͈͙̬͆̎̉͛ͦ̍̚͜m̤̼͊ͦ͋͂̃̋̽b̷̸͍͎̹͙̅̏ͪ͗͂͝o̵̧̮̖͚͚̩̣̹̖̣͆̈́̇n̎ͦ͌͋͐́ͨ͘҉̖̪̪̭ͅè̶͈͚̝̦̱ ̨̲ͫͣ̄́̾ͭͫ̔́ả̴̱͇̺͓̤͍ͭ͗͌ͯ̓̂̓͜͠s̴̭͔͖͇͓̫̫̮ͩ̎͆ͅ I̤̫̩̟̳̐͐͒̓̓̾̉̐̀ͬ̽͊̓͋͘͘ ̶̦̦̦̟̻̤̗̜͍̦͉̪̰̖̥̘̻̎͆ͯͦͣͧͤ̆t̵̛̰̯͚̞͈ͦ͗̓ͮ̔ͭ̐̿̋̅̊̔͒͆̅w̨̮͇̰̜̳͙̻̖͂͆ͣ̾̆̌ͭ̾ͪ̎͌ͬͭ͟͟i̛̛̻̯͇̤̞̖̝̝͎̞͖͊̑̏͌̃ͫ̒ͧ̄̉̂͗̑ͦ̎̓̀͞s̶̡̱̬̱͉̙͔̥̩̙̯̙͉̣̪͈͔͓͓̓̋̍̓ͩ͆͊͗̄̋ͩͧ́t̵̡̧̤̪̹͇̪̦̳̰̜̓̀̀͆̃͆̍͗͗̓͂̓̑̂͆́͘ͅͅ ̶̢̨̳̟̬͚̬̩̗͛͗̈́͛ͦͫ̉̊̉ͤ̏͠m̵̷ͥ͗̾̑̚҉̲̱͉͕̹̩͚̮͙͡y̴̨͕̺̤̩͓̫͇͓̗̖͑́̔ͦ̎͒̾̏̌ͯͤ̆̆͢͟ ̨͓͚̳͈̭̈̈́͌̅̕n̴̨̠̺̠̞̝͎̞͕̮̳ͯͩ̈́ͫ̒ͫ̂̏̂ͨ̆͟i̛̬̜̤̳̲̪̤̟̙̐ͥ͌ͦ̄ͭͭ̒̔̽͐̓̓͞p̶̨͕͉̼̭̗̘̪͓̟̘̯͇̱͍̞̦̻ͪ̿͛́̐ͧ͡ͅs̶̶̬̳̜͉͉̩̗̙̼̣͕͍̙̝͎̼͒̈̋͋͋̒͆͑ͫͩ̎̂͑͜͟͡ͅ ̸̧̭̱̜͓͈̠̤̬̩̺̬̖̭̯͎͕̆̎̉̌̐͒ͮͪ̑͗̿̈́͂͂ͣ͛ͬ́ͅw̨̃ͪͥ̒͒ͧ̊̄̏͜͏̠̩̲̦͓͉̮̯̞̪̘͔̰͕̹̱̞ͅi̸ͮ̿͆̌͆ͯͧ͐̾́ͤͦͯ̊̓͏̨̛͉̠̟̞̻̠͍̙͚͇̮͈̟͟ţ̡͎̖̞͖̼̤͎̞̻̻̮̯̱̺̯̼͈̼̯̀̔ͯͮͣ̔ͬ̂̑̓̍͌͜h̅ͯ̔̄̐̓̉̍̔̐͒҉̴̡̬͓͚̗̘̭̹̪̫̘̱̖͜ ͮ̇͌̒̓̐̐̏̄̃̓̓̾͐̄̅ͩ҉̩͚͕͔͕̳̮̲̲̘͕̟̯͉͢j̧̑̏ͪ̃́͒ͯ̄ͣ̈͛̎̽̈̿ͦ͒͑͊͡҉̧̙̤͍̪̙͔̹̰̱̘̝͇͎̝̀o̵̧̝̬̺̗̩̝͎͔͎̺̰͇̠̯̣̦̽ͬ̈̿̂͑͌̓͗͂͑ͮ̔͒ͬ́̒ͤͤ͜͜y̡̛̔ͯ̌͛ͩ̈͐ͨ͜҉̦̻͙̲͕̻̙!̵͈̝̬̩͖̻̫͓͖̜͈ͧ͗̀ͧ̋̈ͪ̈́ͨ́͗̆̿ͭͬͭ̿͟͡

That was... Well then, as he was reading his thoughts seemed to have spiraled further into an insane mess than I care to decipher. It seems that whatever he found in there will remain a mystery, even to me...

Time skip it is then!

Melvin was in paradise. With this many books, it would take him years to go through them all. With this, he finally felt content. Until...

"This day is going to be perfect~!"

A melodious voice rang through his ears. Even though it came from a distant source, he could still hear it with perfect clarity.

The devil is that noise?

Before he could ponder this "noise" any further, he stumbled as he felt a sudden pressure from all sides. The pressure was short-lived, fading as quickly as it appeared. After taking a moment to recover, he looked himself over for any possible cause.

What... just happened?

"The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small~!"

With the return of the voice, so came the pressure. He felt something compelling him to move, as if the call of a siren's song.

Is that a siren? It better not be a siren. If it is, then I am ripping out its tonsils.

"Everypony will gather 'round

Say I look lovely in my gown

What they don't know is that I have fooled them all~!"

"GAH-HAOW! Fine! I'm moving damn it!"

He followed the compulsion through the castle, none of the ponies payed him any attention, as they were all psyched for the big event.

The wedding day was upon them.

Annoyed that he still had no idea where he was going, he at least took some comfort in the fact that he wasn't going to get lost this time. He was guided to the wedding by the strange song, adding his own snark to it in his irritation.

"I could care less about the dress!"

Wedding Gowns look stupid anyway.

"I won't partake in any cake~!"

Good. That would just be a win for those Nazi bastards.

"Vows, well I'll be lying when I say~!"

Bitch.

"That through any kind of weather

I'll want us to be together!"

You better hope he isn't a storm chaser with a thing for hail.

"The truth is I don't care for him at all~

No I do not love the groom

In my~ heart there is no room

But I still want him to be *all miiiiiine~*!"

......

So... A normal wedding then?

Finally, he found the right place. Looking around the border of one of the massive doors leading into the room, he took stock of the many ponies attending, all of them painfully bright colors. He immediately noticed the large white Alicorn at the very end of the elaborate wedding hall. Her very presence seemed to radiate authority and perfection. It was as if he was looking upon a benevolent- I wanna stab it! Whitey has to pay, and the payment is *blood!***

Hold on. Pause.

Really? I am trying to set a proper mood here! This is supposed to be the all important first look at Celestia. I don't think you realize the gravity of-

"I understand what you were doing just fine. Why do you think I cut you off? She is by all rights a god, but if you expect me to do that stupid shit where I just immediately want to bask in her greatness and worship her on sight, then you obviously have me confused with a shitty self-insert character. Let me make one thing clear; I am not going to have some life changing epiphany because I saw at a winged unicorn with freaky aurora hair, and anyone who would seriously just start worshiping it out of the blue should have their head examined, for several reasons. That is coming from me of all people!"

Do you really have to be so difficult?

"Quit your whining and just remember what kind of person you are narrating for from now on."

Oh yes, how could I forget the character I am stuck with; obnoxious psychopath. Boy, you really are just pushing all the boundaries with that! Careful, if you get any deeper as a well developed character, you might just break your way into the fourth dimension!

"Hey! I am not a shallow character! I am a dangerous and mentally broken individual pretending to be all laughs and smiles to keep my enemies from taking me seriously! Just because I didn't scream a tragic back-story at the first thing I saw like a moron, that doesn't mean I don't have a reason for all of this! You don't get this crazy over night!"

Oh please~! Like anyone is going to care about those vague hints to your past The Author has been using. Unless you get some exposition, you are going to be more of a comedic relief than a main character.

"That would kill the mystery, as well as completely halt the flow of the story! It would be so boring for me to just stop everything so I can rant at the readers about my past! I am sure that they are smart enough to piece together the story themselves."

They are reading a story about you, so I doubt it.

"I heard that!"

Sigh, play.

Of all of the throng of multi-colored ponies, he was only focused on one. Melvin had found his target. There was no doubt about it, whether by seeing the Sun as her mark, the ever-flowing mane, the combination of both horn and wings, or just her sheer size compared to everyone around her. There was Celestia. All he needed to complete his mission here was to take something of hers. It didn't matter what. Whether it is a lock of hair or a drop of blood, he would have what he needed to take her power for his own.

Now, I just need a way to get it. The direct approach would likely get me killed, so I should-

"Finally the moment has arriiived~!"

...

The pink one dies first.

He was so distracted by thoughts of stabbing Celestia that until this point he hadn't noticed the white unicorn with a blue mane and red suit standing next to her, and approaching them was-

What. The. Fuck. Who is that? Up there is clearly Celestia, and Luna supposedly left, so who the fuck is that? Damn it Nightmare! You said there were only two of them!

He sat outside of the room watching as they were getting started. Melvin needed to reevaluate his plans with this sudden discovery. Due to his sessions with Nightmare and the smatterings of history he read while in the library, he had come to understand that Alicorns were beings of god-like power, and were in many cases treated like gods, but he had never once found any mention of a third Alicorn. Despite this, there she was. Walking up in a wedding gown was unmistakably a pink Alicorn with a crystallized heart for a mark.

This is worrisome. I can't take a direct approach, and then comes the question of why her song dragged me here. I am at an extreme disadvantage. I should retreat for now and prepare accordingly for later-SHIT!**

Lost in his thoughts once again, he failed to notice a certain purple unicorn until she was already barreling past him.

"Oh no... The Horned-Homo-Hemo-Hunter returns."

As if the universe itself enjoyed conspiring against him, Twilight was soon accompanied by a now somewhat familiar pink Alicorn, though with a more ragged appearance than the one getting married. It took every ounce of his will not to scream in frustration.

**And she brought "The New Pink One's" hobo-twin!* I don't think I could fight one of them as I am! There is no way in Hell that I could take on three!*

Now in a complete panic at the thought of yet another deity keeping him from his goal, he was just about to call the whole plan off and run far away from Canterlot, until he noticed something promising. Namely, one of them lighting on fire. Green fire, and when the flames cleared they revealed a large yet slender changeling, but being much taller wasn't the only difference between her the one Melvin saw before. While she did have the holes on the ends of her legs as well as her horn and insectoid wings that were present on the other changeling he saw, oddly enough these holes also appeared in her long teal hair. On top of the solid light-blue instead of white, her eyes also had (somewhat) slit pupils with green irises. If she was worried about being discovered, she hid it marvelously. There was no sign of fear to be seen in her expression, only mild amusement.

"Mnahahahaha! Right you are, Princess. And as queen of the changelings, it is up to me to find food for my subjects."

Well... It's not a siren, but why do I feel like I just missed something important?

The Changeling Queen stalked towards the newcomers at a leisurely pace, while also starting her requisite villain monologue.

"Equestria has more love than any place I've ever encountered. My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!"

I really need to pay more attention to this shit. I have no idea what is going on right now.

The "New Pink One" (Cadance, as if you all didn't already know that.) was undeterred by the changeling's actions. She pushed forward (somewhat literally, to the point that the Queen actually leaned back to keep her personal space) with a simple and somewhat obvious retort to the monarch's plan.

"They'll never get the chance! Shining Armor's protection spell will keep them from ever even reaching us!"

Okay, *He** dies first. He deserves it for trapping me in here with a pink barrier!*

To this, The Queen (Chrysalis. Go ahead, call me lazy, but you all know what is going on by now. There is no point in trying to hide their names) merely chuckled.

"Oh, I doubt that. Isn't that right, dear?"

Shining Armor responded with a nod of his currently empty head. Seeing this, Cadance tried to run to her lover, only to have Chrysalis block her path. Her horn took on a menacing green glow to accompany her threat.

"Ah, ah, ah. Don't want to go back to the caves, now do you?"

Pleased to see Cadance back down, she jumped back up to Shining to continue her speech.

"Ever since I took your place, I've been feeding off Shining Armor's love for you. Every moment he grows weaker and so does his spell. Even now, my minions are chipping away at it."

She paused in her monologue for some maniacal laughter, during this time Melvin ponders something important.

Wow, she is laying it on thick. Why isn't Sunshine over there doing anything? She is just letting her go on about how she will take over-oh! Oh that is clever. Let the enemy announce their plan, so she knows if they have any nasty surprises she needs to worry about. It seems my opponent is not just powerful, but also intelligent. I will need to be careful here, though I have to wonder how many times she has been in situations like this...

His thoughts were interrupted by his realization of Chrysalis continuing her monologue, and that she was now hovering off the ground for her announcement.

"First, we take Canterlot. And then, all of Equestria!"

"No. You won't."

Now she gets involved. Finally, I will get to see this power of her's for myself!

Lowering herself back down, Chrysalis stood ready for what was surely the final battle.

"You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self!"

The two began their battle by charging each other, crossing their horns in an attempt to overcome their opposition through brute strength.

"I can protect my subjects from you!"

Pushing off of Chrysalis, Celestia fired a beam of magic toward her foe, with Chrysalis responding in kind the two clashed in a brilliant display of power. The victor of this battle would be decided by magical might alone. Chrysalis' mask of confidence broke as she closed her eyes from the strain of the blast, while Celestia remained sure of her victory. That all ended as the green beam pushed its way through Celestia's own, blasting off her crown as well as the pointed tip of her horn. All attending gasped in horror, though none were more surprised than Chrysalis herself.

"Princess Celestia!"

While Twilight and her friends ran to her fallen mentor, Chrysalis quickly regained her composure.

"Ah! Shining Armor's love for you is even stronger than I thought! Consuming it has made me even more powerful than Celestia!"

Bitch say what? "She lost..." All of the raw power of the Sun at her disposal, and she lost. Okay, new plan. Run away, then sneak my way back and eat Shining Armor to absorb his powers. I know it doesn't work that way, but it worked for her! Wait, what was that?

Straining to hear, he just barely caught an important piece of information, quietly spoken by the fallen Celestia to the six around her.

"The Elements of Harmony. You must get to them and use their power to defeat the queen."

Something about harmony? Unless you can Haduken, I don't see the Dao helping you out of this... Oh! I remember now!

As the group ran past him, he hid behind one of the massive open doors to the wedding hall. Shortly after, he heard the queen taunting them, then shattering.

"You can run, but you can't hide!"

With the shield gone, the changeling swarm descended on the town with surprising speed. They smashed into stone and dirt, leaving small craters wherever they land.

They will never get to their weapon in time. If I want to get out of this alive, I have to-ugh... Help them...

But right as he was going to make a break for it, something caught his attention. Namely, a rather crestfallen changeling approaching Chrysalis. Looking up at the Queen with a sad yet hopeful expression, he asked with that odd buzz in his voice their race seems to share.

"D-did you find her?"

Due to their ignorance of Melvin's presence, Chrysalis let her confident facade fade, replacing it was a look of worry.

"I sent a call through the Hive-Mind, but Silk never answered. Wherever she is, it isn't Canterlot."

The newcomer lowered his head in mourning, until he felt a gentle hoof on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw the Queen giving him a small smile. She spoke with a gentle reassuring tone.

"Don't worry. We will find her. This isn't the first time she has run off in search of adventure, and I doubt it will be the last. For now though, we have a city to conquer. Afterwards we will have more than enough power to easily bring her back regardless of where she has disappeared to this time, so do try to look threatening until then."

"Of course, my Queen."

After taking a moment to emotionally ready themselves, they went back to their prisoners. Seeing this as his chance Melvin left as silently as possible, in hopes of not attracting the preoccupied Queen's attention.

They had made it to the tower that held their greatest trump card, The Elements of Harmony. Running across the bridge to the tower from the coming swarm, the moment they opened the doors all their hopes were dashed. The changelings had planned for this ahead of time, and had a small army hidden inside the tower to block their path. The Elements where surrounded. They had come so close, only to have victory stolen from beneath their hooves. It didn't seem to matter how many changelings they defeated, as more always took their place. After beating a particularly large group, an even bigger swarm rushed after them. Deciding that the intelligent thing to do would be secure the Elements instead of fighting a hopeless battle, they ran as swiftly as they could to where the Elements where kept, only to have walked right into an ambush. With no where to go and hopelessly outnumbered, it seemed all was lost for the Elements of Harmony, until they heard a voice. It wasn't a particularly valorous or encouraging voice, nor was it melodious or even pleasant to hear. For the most part, it just sounded like a bitter angry person yelling like psychopath while running at them. He really could have picked a better battle-cry too.

"OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T!"

Upon hearing this, Twilight ever so slightly went into a complete panic at seeing one of the first ponies she could have ever called friend charge into his imminent death. Applejack, seeing her obvious distress, asked the most obvious question on everyone's mind.

"Who's that Twi?"

"That's Dusty Tome! He's been the librarian here since I was a filly! He can't fight! He can barely remember his own name!"

"Then we gotta help him before he gets himself killed!"

Rainbow Dash would have flown over to save the poor fool regardless of the risk, but she and her friends were pinned in place by the swarm surrounding them. Fighting back-to-back, it was everything they could do to not be taken down themselves, Dusty was on his own for this. Twilight dearly wished they could do something to help, but what they saw next both shocked and confused them all. While it wasn't particularly intimidating to see a single grey unicorn with an open book for a cutie mark running at the swarm, three of the changelings had rushed him to neutralize the minor threat while the rest dealt with the Elements.

These are creatures of shadow and deception. They are natural spies and assassins, and it shows in how they fight...

Melvin found himself horribly underwhelmed by the changeling method of combat, namely throwing yourself at the opponent and hoping for the best. Neatly sidestepping one of the oncoming foes while raising his hoof in mid charge resulted in a particularly painful clothesline, swiftly dealing with the first of the three in an efficient manner. The other two, learning from their comrade's mistake, decided to flank him and attack from both sides. Though they learned not to blindly attack from the front, they still didn't seem to understand the idea of not just rushing an enemy in hopes of bludgeoning them into submission with their face. In a surprising feat of agility, "Dusty Tome" leapt over the charging fools. Unable to stop their rush in time, they collided face first into one another. Before they could recover, Melvin landed slamming their heads into the ground, rendering them both unconscious and likely suffering at least mild concussions. Still huddled in their back-to-back position, Rainbow found herself questioning Twilight's earlier statement.

"You sure about that Twi? It looks like Dusty is a bit of a bad-flank!"

"I don't understand! I have never seen him move like that before!"

Changelings are creatures of stealth, so it would make sense that they are unused to direct combat. Still, Melvin couldn't help but feel disappointed that they weren't more of a challenge, on the other hand he was somewhat relieved. If three of them had given him trouble, there would be no way for him to make any sort of difference against the army standing between him and his temporary allies. With there being so many of them, it still looked rather hopeless for him. The changelings, now recognizing him as a threat, turned more of their attention to him.

This could be my chance! I don't need to beat all of them, just distract them!

With a running start he once again displayed strength and agility far beyond what the old body should be capable of, by leaping over the changeling throng! He hit the ground next to (what he believed to be) the only mares that could stop this horde of shape-shifting parasites. Standing tall (as well as he could on four legs anyway) he joined their formation to ensure nothing could hit them from behind.

"How far are we from the Elements?"

"We're super close! See those big doors on the far end in the tower thingy?"

"The Elements are there?"

"Yepers!"

"Thanks Pink One, now-"

"Oooh! Is that like a code-name, cause I like it!"

"-how to get to them?"

"We should all have cool code names! You can be called Mr.Monochrome!"

"I say we fight our way through!"

"And Fluttershy can be Miss Buttersworth."

"That there just sounds like straight suicide Dash. Dusty's help or not, there's jus' too many!"

"Could we be named after the Elements instead? I would like to be Miss Kindness."

"Okay, Miss Kindness it is!"

"Yay!"

"Well we have to try something! If we don't get to the Elements, there is no telling what these vile insects will do to us! You wouldn't happen to have a plan to get us out of this mess, would you Twilight?...Erm, Twilight?"

While everyone (except Fluttershy) mostly ignored Pinkie's habit of getting easily distracted, Twilight felt conflicted about the current situation. While getting some help was definitely necessary at this point, there was something about the look in his eyes that unsettled her. Despite everything they had faced so far, never before had she seen a glare quite like that before. That wasn't the look of someone fighting to survive, it was the look of a cold-blooded killer. Rarity's question snapped her back into the situation at hoof. Though she didn't have a plan at the moment, she did have a rather important question of her own to ask.

"Why aren't they attacking?"

Looking around their formation, she noticed that, while the changelings hadn't left any openings for an escape, they also hadn't tried to capture them again. They seemed content to pin them there while they tried to form a plan. "Dusty" responded to the best of his ability.

"I don't know. I was hoping you had an idea. They have us surrounded and outnumbered, so why wouldn't they try to end this now?"

"If I had to guess, they seem... confused."

"Confused? What makes you say that?"

"Their general body language seems to be similar to our own, and it seems like a pretty sudden shift for a group that were so sure of their victory that they would literally throw themselves at their enemy, regardless of how many of their own had fallen, to hesitate."

"Then this could be our only chance. I'll keep them busy while you six get the Elements."

"What!? That's insane! You can't hold them all off on your own, and even if you could how would we get past-"

Twilight found herself cutoff by a most unexpected turn of events. She saw Dusty take a deep breath, before unleashing a gout of fire into the tower. Changelings scattered in a panic, none of them expecting a pony to suddenly breath fire. The blast itself was massive, as if it had come from the jaws of a large dragon instead of that of a pony. The fire quickly cleared the way to the doors, rendering anything in its path nothing more than a charred husk, including any changelings too slow to avoid the blast. The six standing next to him had varying expressions from amazement to horror. Twilight was the first to regain her wits.

"H-how did you-"

"No time! Go! Now!"

Spurred on by the reminder that the path to their goal was clear, and partly because they were slightly afraid of the strange fire-breathing unicorn, they ran towards the doors that concealed their greatest hope. As he watched them go, he stumbled on his own hooves, struggling to stay standing. The bout of weariness faded as quickly as it came, leaving him to question why it came in the first place.

I really hope that doesn't happen again while I'm fighting. They are going to have to deal with the survivors themselves. I just have to keep anymore from getting in.

Standing in the doorway separating the changelings from their prey, he braced himself for their inevitable charge. Charge they did, with so many coming after him at once, the whole thing seemed hopeless.

How are there still so many of them!?

Deciding it was necessary, he closed "Dusty's" eyes for a brief moment. Making some quick hand-signs with his real body, he reopened his eyes to reveal his new irises. When he locked eyes with a changeling, something unexpected happened. Instead of merely hearing one voice, he heard an uncountable mess that all droned into a constant buzzing, the likes of which was impossible for him to decipher. Though there was some good to this. While unable to read their thoughts, he didn't just see the path if the one he locked eyes with, instead he saw all of it. He was able to predict the moments of the entire hive by locking eyes with a single changeling! It was incredibly disorienting, which led to him getting tackled to the ground.

Being slammed into the ground at breakneck speed, while still trying to catch up with his own sight, and with a constant buzzing inside his head, was an experience he hoped to never relive, and having a large brain-sucking bug pinning him down wasn't all that pleasant either. The creature hissed in his face, showing off its fangs in an attempt to scare him. Melvin responded with a swift headbutt. After throwing the unconscious changeling off of himself, he noticed several things wrong with his current situation. He was surrounded, again, he was bleeding from the forehead, again, and he could swear that not all of his ribs were in their proper places. Feeling immensely grateful for his dulled sense of pain, he stood.

The changelings once again found themselves confused and slightly horrified as this beaten old unicorn stood up on his hind legs. Seeing his loose ribs move in ways that were just painful to watch under his skin and fur, as his joints popped and cracked into his new stance, with blood dripping onto the ground from the wound on his forehead, yet none of it caused him to do so much as flinch. It was as though he didn't even notice all of the damage his body had sustained. Then there where those eyes of his, a deep red with strange symbols constantly spinning around his pupils, all that resided in an intense glare. As they prepared themselves to fight this odd pony, his face twisted into a disturbing smile.

"So, who dies first?"

Chrysalis flipped through the pages of her new book with a mixture of curiosity, annoyance, and horror. Not that she would let anyone present see just how terrified she was about this new discovery.

"So... Why exactly do you have a book on demonology?"

The part that confused her most was not the ancient tome itself, but the one from which it was obtained. Of all ponies, why would the Element of Kindness have something so cruel?

"Not just any Demonomicon either, this was writen by The Dark Lard Jahuzawits himself."

The cowering Fluttershy quickly went from terrified to confused and terrified.

"Who?"

Chrysalis was shocked by her question! Turning to Celestia, now hanging in her cocoon of changeling slime, she voiced her concerns.

"Don't your schools teach them anything!? How could she not have heard of the only creature capable of matching Discord's insanity!? The very same one that terrorized all living things one thousand years ago!"

Despite her current situation, Celestia responded calmly.

"In my defense, those were very hectic times, with numerous possible world ending terrors needing to be sealed away. That and historians could never agree on what to call him. He changed his name every other week precisely ever since he first appeared. When he was first summoned, his head was on backwards and the only thing on him was a lampshade he wore as a skirt. He introduced himself as "Lord Sparkle-Bottom" before running into the raging blizzard, somehow screaming and giggling at the same time."

Chrysalis merely deadpanned before giving a defeated sigh.

"Fair enough. As for you, Mutterfly was it?"

With a frightened squeak, Fluttershy tried to hide in her hair upon the Changeling Queen turning her attention towards her.

"I'll take that as a yes. I sincerely hope you didn't try to use this, and I want to know everything about how you came to possess a copy of this tome."

Fluttershy was in a panic. She didn't know what she might do to her if she refused to talk, but was worried that anything she said about the book might make matters worse, until she heard something completely unexpected.

"Go on my little pony, tell her what she wants to know."

It was a rather odd thing to hear from Celestia of all ponies. She was just given the go ahead to cooperate with the changelings! Even Chrysalis seemed confused by this strange turn of events. All present looked to her, hoping for some kind of clarification as to why.

"She may be our enemy, but she isn't foolish enough to trust anything summoned by that book. That book is the very reason Tartarus exists, to be a prison for the monstrosities that were brought into our world. You must understand, the writer of that book was a cruel prankster. The things he did made what is going on now seem tame in comparison. Any who came to possess a copy of that tome were found slaughtered by the very creatures they summoned, or worse. If it comes to it, I would rather have the changelings win than have anything brought by that tome roam free in this world."

All was silent after that declaration. The ponies could scarcely believe their ears. There might be something loose in the world so dangerous that Celestia would be willing to side with the changelings? The silence was broken by Chrysalis' chuckling.

"You heard her, tell me ev-"

As she addressed Fluttershy again, her vision grew dark. Her legs buckled beneath her. All of her senses seemed to shut down as the encroaching darkness smothered her. It was as though she had been pulled unwittingly into a black abyss, and all she could see were two massive crimson eyes glaring at her from the depths. Then it ended, as quickly as it came the darkness lifted and she was aware of her surroundings once more.

What... just happened?

She reached out to the hive-mind, looking for anything that could explain what had occurred just now. She got her answer.

My queen, we have a problem.

Through her soldier's eyes, she saw what looked to be a broken old unicorn wreaking havoc upon her forces. Effortlessly dodging a swing from one of her troops, he hooked his forelegs around the extended limb. Twisting with a strength that his body shouldn't be capable of, he threw the poor guy over his shoulder into one that was trying to tackle him from behind. Another changeling rushed him, wings buzzing as he put is all into trying to tackle him. The unicorn merely bent backwards, at the exact moment the changeling twisted to the side with an extended leg, attempting to surprise him with a clothesline of his own. The pops and cracks from his spine were painfully audible, as he bent well below the incoming swing.

How did he do that? There was no hesitation, nor did he show the frantic signs of reflex. That motion was too smooth and calculated. He somehow knew exactly what my soldier was planning to do.

As he straightened himself, it was obvious that something was very wrong here. He neither acted nor moved like a pony. It was more like some kind of twisted marionette being pulled by an invisible string. She could hear his bones popping back into place. As the changeling she was watching this through locked eyes with him, she immediately recognized that crimson glare.

What is he?

Unexpectedly, he paused. Almost getting struck by a swipe from the side in his surprise, he was careful to keep eye contact with her as he narrowly avoided the blow.

He couldn't have heard that!

As if in response to her very thoughts, a smug smile stretched its way across his face.

Oh, he did...

Focusing on herself once again, sent a message to her hive. Displaying an image of him to them all as she does.

This creature, no matter what it seems, is not a pony. It is far more dangerous than it appears, and there is no telling what all he is capable of. I will *not** have any of you wasting your life trying to be a hero. Avoid him. Do. Not. Fight him. I will take care of this one personally.*

"Are-"

"No time for that now!"

"Eep!"

Chrysalis was quick to cut off Fluttershy's question, determined to not let anything distract her from the answers she needs.

"Tell me what I want to know."

"O-okay. It isn't really mine. It was left at my cottage by something, and we brought it here to ask Celestia about it, but we got distracted by..."

Fluttershy took a moment to look around, then just waved her hoof in the vague direction of some Changelings.

"This."

"Do you know what the creature was?"

"N-no. None of us had seen anything like it before, and before we could ask it had a heart attack and died."

Chrysalis looked visibly relived, until Fluttershy continued.

Then it got back up, pelted Twilight with eggs, stole some books, hit Rainbow with a dictionary, and ran laughing into the Everfree.

"It died."

"Uh huh."

"Then got back up, and ran into the Everfree."

Um... yes?

With a weary sigh, she continued her line of questioning, though not without noticing Celestia muttering to herself. Something along the lines of "oddly familiar."

"I'm getting to old for this nonsense. Is there anything at all you can tell me about this creature?"

"Well, he said his name was Sanguis, but I'm not sure how-" *Smack*

To the confusion of poor Fluttershy, and everyone else for that matter, Celestia went wide-eyed with terror, while Chrysalis face-hoofed hard enough for them to hear it. An awkward silence reigned, until Cadence asked the question on everyone's mind.

"What is so bad about that? It has a weird name, I don't see how that could be any worse than what you are doing now."

Chrysalis was the first to respond.

"You don't understand how bad this is because that name is in an ancient language that fell out of use long ago. This leaves little doubt that there is a demon of unknown origin roaming free somewhere in the world."

"How? What could possibly be so bad about its name it would justify helping you in any way!?"

Celestia decided to answer this one, though none present felt any safer hearing it from her.

"It means "Slaughter"."

Yet again, silence reigned as they all thought about the implications of an unknown demon named Slaughter set loose upon their world. While they did that, Chrysalis' mind was elsewhere, literally. Through one of her loyal followers stationed back at the hive, she had a rather angry discussion with a mysterious yet oddly tiny figure sitting limp in the darkness.

"Your little plan is falling apart! I've done everything exactly like you said! I took Cadence's place at the wedding, and when Twilight discovered what was going on and brought the real Cadence to "thwart my evil scheme" I did everything in my power to keep them away from Shining Armor, just like you warned me to! I defeated Celestia, which used up every ounce of power I had gathered by the way. We are just lucky that all of these ponies are too spineless to try anything! If Cadence so much as looked at me the wrong way, I could die here and now! I ordered my Changelings to target the yellow one in case they got the Elements, just like you insisted was the best course of action! You knew every little detail about what they would do and how they would respond, so why wasn't I informed of this creature from another realm currently laying waste to my children!?"

The voice that came from the figure was disturbing and unnatural, even to a Changeling's ears. An unusually deep voice came from the short creature, accompanying its pale face. The creature was bipedal, but could have been easily mistaken for the puppet of a demented ventriloquist, had she not seen it move of its own accord. It had a protruding brow and cheeks that have red spirals painted on them. His red lips form a ceaseless grin. His eyes are solid black, except for his red irises. Finally, atop his head sat black, messy hair.

"Because you needed to act exactly as I predicted, though I must admit he did make it to Canterlot much sooner than expected. No matter, my countermeasure is already on its way. If you want to survive, listen closely. Despite looking like a pony, this being is one of my kind. He will seem strange, silly, possibly harmless. Underestimating him would be the last thing you ever do. I do not expect you to defeat him. I expect you to stall. Keep him busy until my servant can catch him by surprise. He does not know of my interference with your world, and this will be the factor that leads to his demise."

"And you really thought that I, Queen of the Changelings, couldn't keep up appearances? Why did you not warn me of this creature if you knew he would be a problem!? Had I not questioned you, I would be completely unprepared. Even now, I still have no idea what to expect from him!"

"Neither do I, and that is the problem. He is an unknown factor that needs to be dealt with. As for why I didn't tell you, it is all apart of my little game. Everything will go exactly as foreseen, otherwise he will know something is off. He has the same powers of foresight as myself, and that will spell his doom in the coming conflict."

Knowing that she needed to be present, Chrysalis focused on her body once more, infuriated at being used in such a manner, yet willing to put up with it for now if it means helping her children.

I might be a fool for accepting this, but the power he promised is too tempting to refuse. If this plan works, then we will no longer have to fight over scraps in the Badlands.

Meanwhile

"*Huff* Oh wow. *Pant* Finally made it!"

Melvin collapsed in exhaustion, glad to have finally gotten to the Queen. Behind him stood the Elements, each wearing their respective gem.

I have no idea how some jewelry is supposed to be the ultimate weapon, but that is what I helped them for after all. Now I get to see it in action!

Upon seeing their return, Cadence tried to warn them of the changeling posing as Fluttershy. The real Fluttershy being held by changelings clinging to the roof with her mouth covered.

"Twilight wa-"

"You can have your little reunion after we deal with this!"

Only to be interrupted by Melvin.

"But I-"

"Zip!"

"But there's-"

"I said Zip!"

"I-"

"No!"

"Ok..."

Repetitively. Seemingly oblivious to that going on, Twilight and her group confronted the dread Queen.

"Give up! We have the Elements of Harmony with us! One way or another, we will stop you here and now!"

"..."

"Uh..."

They found themselves unsure of how to deal with her total lack of a response. She just sat there with her eyes closed, a look of concentration on her face, or seething fury. They couldn't tell which. Melvin walked past them with what could possibly be the least encouraging thing they could have ever heard.

"Don't worry, I got this."

The scene she returned to was... confusing to say the least. The first thing she noticed was that someone was poking her head.

"Hello? You awake? This is getting kinda awkward."

It was then that she felt a weight shifting on her back.

One of those ponies actually had the gall to straddle my back! He is so dead.

Turning her head so she could glare at the fool, what she saw was everyone looking on in shock as a certain grey unicorn sat on her back. Now looking her in the face, he poked her again on the nose.

"Boop."

Even Chrysalis, for all her experience, couldn't hide her surprise. She felt frozen stiff. Her eyes wide with fear. It seems that *Ahem* "little freak", as Chrysalis so kindly thinks of him, droned on for too long during his villainous monologue, and she ended up missing the dramatic appearance of the Elements plus one.

The demon is sitting on my back... I still need to recover from fighting Celestia... And my children haven't had enough time to gather the power needed to fight Luna when she returns... I need to stall him somehow.

"Oh goody! You're awake! This would have been really strange otherwise."

The smile he gave her seemed incredibly out of place for the situation. It was a genuine smile that made him look like the happiest guy in the world.

"I-"

Until his eyes started drifting apart. Slowly his face contorted into what could only be described as a constipated rage.

"Wha-"

Chrysalis found herself less horrified and more baffled as he opened his mouth, and started letting out a peculiar noise gradually getting louder as he continued.

"Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"

At this point Chrysalis was back to just being annoyed. Yelling over the ear piercing sound, which had all present cowering in pain, she voiced her complaint.

"And how could this ever not be strange!"

Instead of answering, he continued making the painful noise. Now though, he proceeded to make things even more painful for the Queen, by wrapping his front legs around her neck and rapidly headbutting her.

*Thud* "Ow!" *Thwack* "Why!" *Wham* *"STOP IT!"*

"-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"

With the irritating sound making it hard for her to think straight, she tried as hard as she could to get some distance from her attacker. Many of the ponies may have found it funny, were it not for the piecing note he seemed capable of holding indefinitely, to see the Queen running around the room desperately trying to escape the crazed unicorn sitting on her back.

*Crack* "Ah!" *Kersmack* "Make it stop!" *Pain Noises* "Ouch!"

"-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"

In a brief moment of clarity, Chrysalis realized that she could just throw him off. Her hooves skid on the floor in her sudden stop.

"-eeeeeh?"

The force propelled Dusty forward, allowing Chrysalis a chance at some fitting revenge. Flinging her head backwards, she slammed it into his muzzle. She couldn't help but grin when the irritating noise was replaced with a cracking sound. He collapsed on the ground, with his muzzle was clearly broken. Chrysalis' grin faded as he just got back up like nothing happened, completely unfazed by how much pain he should be in. Dusty quickly found himself surrounded. This time however, it was by the Mane Six forming a protective circle while glaring at the Queen. Twilight, clearing her throat and striking what she hoped was a threatening pose (as if anything as plush cuddly as a pony could ever be threatening. She could be covered in blood and riding a rhinoceros made entirely from the femurs of her enemies and the pure unending hatred only known by rabid Tasmanian devils that were crossbred with a particularly rude badger, and most would still be more likely to hug her than think of her as dangerous), tried yet again to do her dramatic victory speech.

"Dusty, please, never do that again. *Ahem* Give up! We have the Elements with us now! Your evil will be stopped here and now!"

"Wait, wait, wait-"

Melvin seems to have a bad habit of interrupting people.

"-She hasn't done anything to warrant calling her "evil"."

The Mane Six just looked at him in shock.

"What in tarnation do ya mean!? Of course she's evil!"

"An enemy sure, but I don't see how she could be considered evil."

Twilight joined in as well, unable to believe her ears.

"She brought an army to take over Equestria! It is happening right now!"

"To feed her people, or would the righteous action be letting her own people starve? Do you really think any leader would act differently if forced into that position?"

Cadence seemed offended by his insinuation.

"She could have tried negotiating! We are open minded ponies. I'm sure we could have worked something out. There are plenty of better ways she could have gone about feeding her people!"

Off to the side, Chrysalis sat watching their debate. One of her followers looked to her questioningly.

"Should we... do something?"

"No. Not yet Chitin, let's just see how this plays out."

She was amused to see things swing into her favor so quickly, all because of a differing of ideals. They will distract each other with their arguing, and she gets a free show.

"True, but how many of them were sure to work? I mean just look at her!"

Chrysalis was now less amused, as he brought the attention back towards her. Frozen like a deer in headlights, she struggled to find some way to get the attention back off of her.

I've got to think of something qui-wait, *what did he just say!?***

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean!?"

"No offence, but I don't see many wanting to cuddle with Fangy the love-bug, who has more holes than the plot of a bad fanfic."

"What!? I'm very cuddly! Chitin, you'd cuddle me right?"

With a salute, the addressed changeling responded with a smile. The Queen getting so upset over something like this just seemed silly to him.

"Of course I'd cuddle you, my Queen."

"See, he thinks I'm cuddly! Besides, more holes just means more options when pleasuring a stallion."

The room fell silent once more, none of them quite sure how to respond to such a statement. They just stood there gaping in shock and disgust.

*Hrk*

It seems Melvin found a response. Struggling to keep from vomiting, his action opened the floodgates. All of the ponies, even some of the guests that were at the wedding, currently held by slime, who had remained silent up to this point out of fear voiced their thoughts on the matter.

"Why would you say that!?"

"Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross-"

"I can never have sex again!"

"Please tell me you didn't put any of those on Shining's-"

"Um... My little ponies? Shouldn't you be saving Canterlot right-"

"You did WHAT with my BBBFF!?"

"I'd tap that."

"How unladylike!"

"Ah think Ah'm with Dusty on this one." *Hrk*

"Ew. I'm gonna need to bleach my brain after hearing that."

"I don't get it."

"Really? You ponies sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself..."

"We can suppress that memory later! Your evil ends here!"

"Hold up!"

Groaning at them being interrupted again, Rainbow voice her frustrations.

"What now?"

"Even if they are all freakish shape-shifting parasites-"

"No, really, you are just radiating love and tolerance right now. Any more and I might fall into a food coma."

"-I refuse to allow them to be labeled as "evil" for their unusual yet necessary diet!"

"Wait, is that what you all are arguing about?"

"Well, duh. You might be our enemy, but I can't really see anything evil about needing to eat."

Chrysalis just stood there for a moment, before breaking out into laughter.

"Mnahahaha! Oh that is just wonderful! Ponies still believe that old myth!? Hahahahaha!"

Melvin now felt terribly unsure of himself, but before he could say anything Twilight spoke up.

"Myth?"

"Hehehe. Yes. Myth. A rather old one too. It formed because of our unique anatomy. It has confused researchers since ancient times. While we do feed on love, we don't get any nutrients from it. It just adds to our magic. If anything, we are the only species that can boast being true omnivores. We can digest anything. How do you think we survived in the Badlands for so long with there being so many of us? We can even eat dirt if really desperate."

ONE JOB, NIGHTMARE! *YOU HAD ONE JOB!** I DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE HERE! I COULD HAVE STAYED IN THE FOREST NOT GETTING ATTACKED BY CHANGELINGS!*

"It's not just love either. We can feed on any emotion, love just has the least side-effects."

Where is that "countermeasure" I was promised? I don't know how much longer I can keep them distracted. I have resorted to giving them a lesson on changeling anatomy! I *need** something to happen!*

My Queen, I have an idea. Just keep their attention for a little longer.

The false Fluttershy eased her way to the back of the group, ever so slowly working her way into the perfect position. Seeing what she had planned, Chrysalis continued her lesson on changeling anatomy, hoping to use the obvious interest shown by Twilight and Dusty to keep them occupied.

"Hey Twilight, shouldn't we be-"

"Shh! Wait a minute? If you can survive on anything, why are you attacking us?"

"Would you be happy having dirt for every meal? There is nothing in the Badlands! Even the soil is practically barren of nutrients!"

"Oh... I never thought of it like th-"

"Now shut up!"

"Wow, rude."

"As I was saying, when we feed, it isn't like eating or drinking. We incorporate the emotion into ourselves. A changeling that feeds on anger would be generally more aggressive, while one that feeds on sadness would quickly fall into depression. It works this way with all emotions, love being both more powerful and easier to handle than most, yet not without its own downsides. The young and inexperienced can quickly become attached to the one they feed on, or whoever the love was originally intended for, but even those of us with experience find that after feeding on large quantities of love we can become somewhat inebriated-"

She leaned forward with a playful grin.

"-and very frisky."

As she finished her impromptu lesson, the false Fluttershy leapt forward. She tackled the nearest pony, pinning them with a leg around their neck. It just happened to be Dusty.

"Nopony move, or he gets it!"

"Bad touch! Bad touch!"

"What? I'm not-No! Why would you even think that?"

"Stranger danger!"

"I'm just restraining-"

"Pedophile!"

"You're older than me!"

*Gasp* "Fluttershy! What are you doing!?"

"Fluttershy" singled out Pinkie with a glare.

"You've "seen better" huh?"

"Mnahahaha! You fools! You didn't even notice as one of my children replaced your dear "Fluttershy"! Now there is nothing you can do to stop me!"

Though she seemed confident and completely in control of the situation, in truth the Queen was frantic about this turn of events.

What are you doing!?

What?

Not that one! You could have captured any other pony! That one is too dangerous!

He seemed important! What should I do?

For now, play it off. Don't worry Mirror, we can still work with this.

The relief Mirror felt at her Queen's reassurance could be felt through the Hive-Mind as her fears slowly started to fade away, for a total of three seconds. That is when Melvin started laughing.

"Hehehe... Mwahahahaha! Do you really think something like this will-"*Gurgle**Bleh*

No one could really explain what just happened. One moment, he was speaking as though he could break free at any time. The next, he hurled blood and started shivering. When he stopped, his eyes slowly closed and never reopened. After a few short moments the body began to shrivel, as though all of his fluids had been drained away. Everyone looked on in a stunned silence. Rarity was the first to regain enough sense to speak.

"Y-you k-k-killed him..."

Mirror (still in Fluttershy's form) raised her hooves away from the body, clearly as panicked as the ponies.

"Ididn'tdoitIswear! I was just holding him down!"

"Enough of this! Take the Elements from them, and keep the wielders far from the rest of the prisoners. Someling study this body. I want to know exactly what went wrong."

Her children hurried to do the bidding of their Queen. Without Fluttershy, the Elements were useless in the heart of the swarm. The rest of the Mane Six were swiftly captured and kept well away from the rest of their pony captives. Several changelings examined the body of the now deceased Dusty while the Queen questioned them.

"How did he die?"

"A better question would be; how was he still alive? Most of his bones are broken or fractured, almost every muscle in his body is torn in some way, and he was somehow drained of blood. We just barely started, and I fear we have only scratched the surface of his injuries. Then there is this..."

He pulled open Dusty's eyelids, only to reveal empty sockets.

"I don't even know where to start looking for how that happened."

"I have... several questions. Namely, when, how, and why? And I think I know how to get the answers."

Chrysalis approached the corpse preparing a very special spell. In truth, she had a hard time containing her glee. It wasn't very often that someone can get an opportunity like this. She hoped that because the corpse was fresh she might still be able to glean some information straight from its mind. This was a rare chance to obtain the eldritch knowledge of the Dark Ones, without any of the risk involved when dealing with one that's still alive.

This is almost too good to be true!

Stupid! Stupid! *Stupid!***

Melvin hid inside the corpse berating himself while he recovered from a grievous error. Listening to the clamor around him hoping that he would have some time to rest.

What the hell was I thinking!? Just because I don't feel the pain, that doesn't mean the wound won't be a problem! This body has completely shutdown! I won't be able to use the ponies as allies after this! Not if I do this in front of everyone! As if I wasn't being dumb enough, I used that "Blood Magic" far too often! Why did I not realize it when I heard the name? "Blood Magic!" It has always been depicted as a way of using life force to fuel one's power! That is were all that unexplained energy was coming from! Fuck! I nearly killed myself! I need to be more careful. It was only through the sheer luck of a wild guess formed from complete desperation that draining this body's blood into my own actually worked, and I can only hope that the changeling blood will keep my body from rejecting the makeshift transfusion. Otherwise, I might just die here.

Melvin felt something. It was something both familiar yet unexpected. A presence trying to find its way into his mind. She wasn't bothering to be subtle about it, and he recognized heard her voice as their minds became connected.

Now, what secrets do you have for me?

When faced with someone attempting to enter his thoughts, he did the first thing that came to mind.

He thought of something strange.

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The Bearers were trapped in slime like the rest of the changeling's prisoners. They struggled to keep their spirits up, as they hoped that some opportunity to escape would present itself.

"I can't believe we failed..."

"Now don't you fret none sugar-cube. We can still find a way out of this."

"She's right! This isn't over yet! Luna is still out there. She can handle a few overgrown beetles!"

Applejack and Rainbow Dash's attempts at cheering up Twilight were suddenly cut short by a shout from a changeling that must have over heard them.

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Oh go shove it down your cake-hole!"

"Rainbow darling, don't antagonize them. If we want to make any bit of difference, we will need some way of catching them by surprise. Oooh, if only we could get our Elements back."

"Wha'd those varmints do with them anyway?"

She was answered by a snickering Pinkie pointing towards a group of changelings that had taken on their forms. They were parading around wearing the Elements, and making a general mockery of them with painfully exaggerated accents. Throwing her hooves into the air with equally exaggerated motions, the false Twilight called for the attention of her cohorts in nonsense.

"Oooh, look at me! I'm the leader, so I get this tacky crown thing. Won't everyone bask in my greatness to feed my ego? After all, I can do everything myself without any help. Friendship!"

"Yeah! Friendship, now thirty percent cooler!"

"She said friendship! We should party!"

"I reckon that thar be da best idear I ever dun heard!"

...

"Meep."

Gasping with mock offence, the false Rarity lifted her nose directly upwards and was careful to keep it that way at all times as she punctuated every statement with a *hmph*."

"But oh so great darling Twinkle Butt, why do you get to be the darling leader?*hmph* Despite being from some random darling village in the middle of Albuckerque Nowhere,*hmph* I have a posh accent and am obsessed with acting like a darling noble from your home town, so clearly I should be the leader for the sake of fabulousity!*hmph*"

"Ah silly Not-So-Rarity, Obviously I'm superior because Friendship!"

Finally lowering her nose so that she could look the fake Twilight in the face, her eyes widened in horror before she slowly and dramatically laid on the ground, as if posing for a portrait.

"Oh woe is me! I have been bested by your infallible logic! I suppose it is true... I am simply not meant to be a darling leader of all things fabulous...

*Hmph*"

The group, unable to keep up their little joke with straight faces, fell over laughing, while another changeling watching the whole thing just shook his head in disappointment before walking away muttering to himself.

"Real mature guys..."

The real Bearers watched the group's taunting display. Pinkie sat there laughing. The rest had very different opinions about the performance. The irritation was clear in Rainbow's voice.

"Great, now they're mocking us."

"None of that matters right now, I'm more worried about whatever their Queen is doing to Dusty."

Though Twilight didn't recognize the spell she was casting on the corpse of the old librarian, she did see the telltale signs of a spell going wrong. The look of frustration was clear on Chrysalis' face, and even if that wasn't enough of a clue several of the changelings seemed to be watching her with worry, confusion, or some combination of the two. Seeing a possible opportunity, she watched and waited for any chance to turn things around.

What could giving her so much trouble?

What even is this!?

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Why can't I find anything *useful** inside this demon's mind!? There has to be something!*

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WHAT THE-

As Twilight calculated her chances of interfering with Chrysalis' spell, something very strange happened. The changelings started dropping like flies.-"Hey! Fuck you, ya racist!"-Though not all of them fell, the ones that did looked absolutely mortified. One of them even went so far as to curl into a fetal position while saying "make it didn't happen" over and over. During all of this, Chrysalis calmly ended her spell. With perfect posture and grace she walked over to the balcony, and promptly vomited over the side. Over the splatter of her lost lunch, she could hear a voice from below.

"OH, COME ON!"

Staring forlornly down at Canterlot (and the stallion she threw up on), she sighed in dismay.

"I can never eat ice-cream again."

Oh well. At least I won. Canterlot is mine... Canterlot is mine. Canterlot is mine! Yes! I have no reason to be sad! My children have conquered the rest of the city while I kept the Elements busy! With this, the next phase of the plan can finally begin! We will gather the all of the prisoners and hide them in the same caverns we kept Cadence, then we will take on their forms. I will pose as Celestia herself, and when Luna comes back we can catch her by surprise! With all of the princesses dealt with and the Elements in my possession, nothing can stop me from ruling all of Equestria! They won't even notice. I will rule in Celestia's form, and slowly my changelings will spread throughout the land, growing in both numbers and strength until it is all under my control! My children will never go hungry again!

With these thoughts, she was quick to perk back up. She happily sent her orders through the hive-mind, trusting her servants to complete the next step of her plan efficiently. Gazing out past the balcony, the thought of her victory sent chills of excitement through her... whatever pasted for a spine in her anatomy.

Try as she might to concentrate on Chrysalis, Twilight found her focus broken by a question from Rarity.

"I know this might seem to be a strange thing to ask, but can anypony explain what is wrong with them."

Following her gaze, they saw that most of the other captives were cowering. What baffled them was, they weren't cowering from the changelings. They seemed terrified of the Bearers.

"Oh, that. Don't worry about it. They're just scared of Pinkie."

"Who, me?"

"Why ever would they be afraid of her?"

"It is just some rumor that has been going through Canterlot since before I moved into the library. Some crazy pony thought that the ones responsible for the S.S.P.W.-"

"The what?"

"We don't say the name. It only encourages them."

"Oookaay..."

"Anyway, the rumors say that the ponies responsible were clones from somepony trying to build an army of unstoppable pranksters. Pinkie looks and acts just like those ponies, so they might think that you are the one they were cloned from. It's stupid, I know. Just don't pay any attention to them and... I don't think I like that look on your face."

Pinkie was just ecstatic about this news. This rumor was a proverbial goldmine for a fun loving prankster like her! The planning would have to wait until they find a way out of this mess, but afterwards Canterlot would suffer the consequences of a prank war the likes of which had never been seen before! Little did she know, something sinister could come from this. Having successfully repulsed Chrysalis, Melvin felt safe enough to focus on his surroundings again. Though unable to see, he could hear just fine.

So I found you, Pony Hitler... It all makes sense. Just as Hitler had Jewish ancestry, so too will a Pie betray her own to the evil that is cake. Just you wait, I shall prove pie to be the superior pastry yet!

*Thud*

What was that?

Everyone could hear it. The sudden sound of something heavy falling just outside the main doors, yet it didn't stop there. The sound came again and again, keeping a constant pace that signified footsteps, and it was getting closer. It sounded like some large hulking beast was making its way towards them. No one was sure of what this new creature could be, and that only worried them. For Chrysalis, this was yet another unknown that could prove detrimental. She had everything. She had finally conquered Canterlot, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop her. Now though, something large was heading their way, and they were still in the process of gathering their prisoners for feeding. As if that wasn't bad enough, she never got any warning from the hive-mind, meaning this creature was somehow able to sneak past every changeling on the way here. That is no small feat. Her servants had the entire city under lock-down. Nothing should have managed to get this far without her knowing about it. For the ponies, they were already in a bad situation. Currently stuck to the floor via changeling slime, they would be helpless against whatever monstrosity was coming their way. The only one who felt assured in their safety was Melvin, and he was still recovering from his mistake earlier. Despite his desperate act of vampirism barely saving his life, he felt secure due to him taking "play dead" to a whole new level. But soon, a new sound accompanied the foot steps. One that only Melvin recognized. It was a deep, slow, laughter that simply didn't sound natural. Listening closely, one could easily mistake it for sobbing.

Oh you have got to be kidding me. Why the fuck is that thing here! If I can take one solace from this, it would be that it will probably kill Twilight first.

When it made its way into the room, it was something that none of them could of expected. A large being standing slouched forward that somewhat resembled a bear. All eyes were on it as it slowly walked into the room. Its heavy footfalls demonstrating the weight of the mechanical abomination. Its eyes would have been pitch black were it not for two tiny pinpricks of white light coming from where its pupils would be. Then it spoke. In a deep voice like someone trying to make words from the sound of crushing gravel, it asked a single question.

"Are you ready, for Freddy?"

The hulking beast made its way towards the center of the room. Its head swaying to and fro, as though looking for something. It progressed unimpeded, for it had yet to prove hostile, and no one wanted that to change. Eventually it stopped. It looked straight at Chrysalis, before standing straight. Its eyes started changing until they reached a semblance on normalcy. Then it spoke. This time however, it sounded nothing like before. It actually had a somewhat normal voice, albeit with a thick Italian accent like a stereotypical mobster.

"Okay, I'll bite. Where is he."

"Uuuh, who?"

"Who else? The guy you was having trouble with. I was sent to, ya know, "take care of him". He shouldn't be hard to miss. Guy like him? Stands out like a sore thumb."

"You're what he sent?"

"Name's Freddy."

"Well you are a bit late. We already dealt with him, as you can see."

Chrysalis gestured towards Dusty's corpse. Revealing that his presence wasn't necessary. Freddy, as he called himself, just gave it a disinterested look before crushing her hopes and dreams.

"Hmm, yeah. I can see that he is dead. Only one problem with that; I was sent to kill someone that had taken the form of a pony. I was even given a picture of what his new form looks like. I don't know who that is, so you still have a problem on your hooves."

"You mean there is another one on the loose..."

"Yeah."

Sigh "Is there anything you can tell me about him? I have no doubt that I may have to face him soon."

"Perhaps sooner than you think, the boss says he is already on his way to try and stop you. He likes playing the hero."

"Great... So what does he look like at least."

"Well here is where shit gets strange, he has gone and somehow become an alicorn. Goes by the name "Gary"."

There was a collective gasp from both the changelings and the ponies, and one less noticeable muffled gasp from the corpse that had yet to be taken from the room.

"There is another alicorn!?"

"Gary is a demon!?"

Most of the changelings stopped what they were doing to give strange looks to their captives.

"Did...did we even need disguises? How could you not tell that something was wrong when an alicorn came along with a name like Gary?"

To which one of the ponies responded with.

"I thought it was foreign! Don't you judge me!"

Following that, there was a general murmur of embarrassed agreement from the rest of the ponies present, with a subdued "I didn't want to seem rude" coming from Celestia herself. Though unknown to them, another reacted with something other than surprise and fear. No, this was the raw hate and anger that only one name in existence could possibly conjure in a fellow man.

Gary *MOTHERFUCKIN'** OAK!*

The Glorious Escape

I groggily rose from my position to try and get a sense of where I was now, for some reason I was laying on something fuzzy. From the looks of it I was... Why am I in the middle of the road? Looking around I see that I am in the middle of town, and am surrounded by the ponies.

'Oh shit they plan on sacrificing me to their Sun God in hopes of insuring that the sun will rise tomorrow!'

What? I don't even... Is that thought from personal experience?

'Oh, Nightmare, so that was a thing that happened.'

"You're awake!"

I look in the direction of the voice. Turns out, the fuzzy object I was laying on was the same pink terror that gave me a heart attack in the first place. Recognizing her was all I needed to fully wake, now I need to get out of here before these ponies prove to be the death of me. Luckily, I have my secret weapon hidden in my pockets.

The Pink One, as I shall now call her, was unaware of my devious plotting and continued with what she was saying, only much slower than when we first met and she seemed to lack that air of boundless energy.

"We were so worried! I was carrying you to the hospital! Are you alright? Do you still need to go?"

'Nightmare, how long was I out?'

Not as long as you would think. In dreams, time has a tendency of getting distorted. So what was that about a secret weapon?

'Later, and don't read my mind'

Oh, I'm only reading surface thoughts. How else would we communicate without the ponies finding out about me?

I will have to give her that for now. I can't just stand here doing nothing, so this conversation will have to wait for another time. As I was conversing with my new resident, The Pink One had some how managed to procure a cupcake. When did she get that? It doesn't look like she has pockets. She hands (hoofs?) it to me with a sad smile.

"H-Here. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble."

That is actually kind of adorable, shame I hate the color pink, but lets give this a try. I take the offered cupcake, and of course I eat it. As I go to take the first bite, my taste buds were assaulted by the unique sensation.

"This cupcake is..."

Pinkie looked up happily, wanting to hear approval and forgiveness.

"Hrrk!" I almost feel sorry for her, almost. I quickly run as fast as I can, ignoring the shouts of the ponies that got in my way. I proceed to find the nearest bush, and vomit.

"GLARBLEBLARG!"

The Pink One started scolding herself upon seeing me emptying my guts, "What was I thinking!? He is likely still sick! He can't eat sweets in his condition!"

The Purple poofter with a horn and Fluttershy must have been in the crowd, because I did not notice them until they spoke up. I must not have been out for very long. I can see the damn hospital, AND the weird gingerbread house we came from, now that I am not so focused on being surrounded by painfully-brightly-colored giant-eyed freaks.

"I'm sure it will be alright Pinkie. You were just trying to be nice."

"Yeah, and I am sure he appreciates the gesture."

Meanwhile, I had finished removing all trace of what simply must have been a poisoned confection from my system. There is no other reason it could ever taste so vile. I'm serious, that was nasty beyond all reason. The thing had so much sugar in it, as well as an unidentifiable mix of flavors, it tasted like a Leprechaun kicked my teeth in, while he had rainbow colored unicorn shit stuck to his favorite dancing shoes! But for simplicity's sake, and so I can start scrubbing my tongue sooner, I just said;

"That was the single most disgusting thing I have ever put in my mouth."

The moment 'Pinkie' heard me say that, she actually fell on her rump and started crying. Twilight seemed rather miffed about that.

"I know you are having a rough time, but that kind of rude behavior is completely uncalled for! Apologize right now!"

Everyone's eyes are focused on me, so now is the perfect time for my escape!

"LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" I yell at the top of my lungs pointing into the distance before running away. To my infinite glee, they actually looked! Every last one of them! I had already jumped though an open window in one of the nearest houses (Which was weirdly designed. Why would anyone want a house to look like a tree? Kinda strange) before they figured out what I did, and let the self loathing begin! Peeking out as much as I dared, I got a front row seat to an amazing show!

"AUGH! I can't believe I fell for that! How could I possibly be that stupid!" Ooh, Twilight seemed to be taking it the worst. Fluttershy on the other hand...

"I still don't see it. Where is the distraction?"

I wonder how long it will take her to realize that she was tricked. Now... I have no idea where I am, and no clue where their library is. This is going to be fun!

Twilight Pov

Alright, I need to calm down. I need to find him before he gets hurt.

"Okay everypony! spread out and search for him! You all saw what kind of condition he is in, we can't let him run around without getting some proper medical attention first!"

I helped Pinkie get up and said, "Come on Pinkie, he is likely just having a really hard time. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

*Sniff* "You think so?"

"Yeah, now we need to find him. He may already need our help if his heart is really that fragile."

"You're right! Lets go!" It is nice that Pinkie always bounces back so quickly.

As all gathered started to search through any possible hiding places, I noticed Fluttershy hadn't joined the search.

"Where is it? A distraction should be easy to spot!"

This is going to be a long day.

Back to our favorite sociopath

Pfft Ahahahaha-I can't-I can't breath-Hahahaha!

'You seem to be having a good time.'

Some of my most hated enemies just fell for the simplest and dumbest trick ever conceived. Yeah, I am really enjoying this!

'So you have had run-ins with these creatures before?'

Yes I have, and I particularly enjoy the insults you come up with for Twilight, but I have to ask; What *is** a "poofter"?*

'Later. First, do you have any idea where their Library is?'

Yes actually, you're in it.

I stop to look around. This is a kitchen. Why would there be a kitchen in the Library? I move on to the next room and sure enough, books everywhere. I'm confused. Whatever, time to steal... How am I going to take these with me? I start rummaging through the house, looking for any sort of container I can easily carry with me. Oddly enough, I come across a large sack. I find myself questioning why the librarian has a sack that could easily fit another resident of the town, but that could quickly go to dark places. While fun, that is not why I am here, and I need to hurry before anyone finds me. Due to my haste, I don't really pay any attention to what books I put in the sack, and just place random books (yes place, not stuff. I happen to take good care of literature) in the bag.

"What do you think you're doing!"

Oh shit, I was found out by... The three least intimidating ponies that could have chosen to block my path. Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Twilight.

Um, what's the bag for?

"He is stealing my books!"

"That is not very nice. Come on, just put the books back so I can throw you an apology party!"

You know, I am an ancient demon. I could have just taught you instead of you going through all of this effort.

'Why didn't you say so sooner!'

You never asked.

Well, I have them now, and I am not letting this team of techno-colored pansies get in my way!

"Get out of the way."

"Not until you return every last one of my books, and you are going to reorganize them!"

"And just how do you plan on making me?"

You know, I thought this would be easier. That thought was crushed by her smug smile, and the fact that her horn started glowing, and said glow spread over me and lifted me into the air.

"That is how. Now agree to put them back, and I will let you down."

Alright, this was unexpected. Time to break out my secret weapon.

"You want your books back?" I reach into the bag and grab one at random. "Fine! Take it!" And I throw it, out the door they came in!

You may be questioning my logic, but have you ever thrown something past someone? It breaks their concentration, and they always look. Twilight dropped me in her hurry to catch her book, and that gave me all the time I needed.

"Alright wise-guy, I'm going to-"

"EGG!" *Splat*

As she was turning back to me, I pulled the eggs out of my pocket (my pajama pants have nice and spacious pockets. some of the eggs were crushed, likely when I fell, but I still had enough for what I needed to do) and started throwing them at her. While she was too confused to stop me, and Pinkie was too busy laughing, I ran back to the kitchen, and opened the door to her refrigerator.

Twi's POV

"WHY!? Where did he even get these!?"

"So that is what he wanted the eggs for."

"AAH!" I chase after him. Pinkie is too far gone to be of any help right now (the sudden shift to and from depressed must have had more of an effect on her than she is willing to admit. She really needs that laugh), and Fluttershy is, well, Fluttershy. But as I enter the kitchen, I see something small and white fly past me, and on instinct my eyes follow it. Only to widen at my realization.

"No."

Turning as fast as I can, I try to prepare a spell in time, but it was too late.

"EGG!" *Splat*

"I FELL FOR IT AGAIN!" after I cleaned enough of the egg off of my face to see, he was already gone.

I think all of Ponyville could hear my screams of frustration.