Yep it's gonna be one of those days so you might as well get it over with.
Alright where do i begin?
__________
4001 years after arrival
'I have been doing this for way too long' I was currently floating through a inky blackness after a particularly tough sparring match. I had just finished fighting myself.
Now that may sound weird so let me explain. You see years ago when i was only a young'n about some where in my twenties i went to a convention with my dear sister. I was dressed as a Vanguard from a certain game i played all the time to pass the time.
Chivalry.
It was a medieval warfare fighting game and was the game i usually had the most fun in. During the convention i split up with my dear sister who went to hang with her friends saying that i was going home. On the way i saw a stand that was unlike any other.
It was magnificent! It had things from every game you could think of. In my joy i spotted the last thing i needed to finish my costume. It was a beautiful gleaming claymore AND an awesome looking Halberd.
They seemed to shine with a light that was calling out to me and i could feel within my heart that i needed to get my gauntlets on them!
As soon as i bought them though i started being pulled into the floor by a bright unnatural light.
I looked upon my world desperate for help.
I saw my sister down a ways eating a hamburger and laughing with her friends without a care in the world.
I quickly put the weapons on my back and yelled out.
"SISTER!"
she turned to look at me her eyes widening.
"EAT YOUR HEART OUT! I TOLD YOU THOSE REPORTS WERE TRUE!"
she sprinted over and grabbed my hand holding my weight as she looked on in horror.
"NATHANIEL PLEASE HOLD ON!"
by then she was holding on to one gauntlet with both hands, her friends holding her legs.
All the passerby's gasping out loud.
"Sister, when i fall let me tell you now that this is not your fault."
Struggling to keep her face free of tears she forced her self to meet my gaze.
"Do you understand? i won't have you wallowing around as a pathetic zombie that doesn't want to go outside anymore."
I continued at her nod.
"Though all this must be sudden i ask one last request before i go."
she sobbed and i could feel her hands shaking.
"I'll go with you!" As she started to try climbing in i pulled her down a bit using the rest of the momentum to push her back before grabbing on to the edge.
"No! How do you think our parents would feel if we were to just up and vanish? Both of their children gone like that."
I frowned "One of us needs to tell them the story, not some random police officer who would think the story was some delusion and make up a different story."
"And one of you bitches need to damn help me!"
I glared at all the weeaboos, neckbeards and just generally weak people around us.
They all quickly scrambled away to get help as I tried to yell out to them in vain.
"Dammit you all could just come help pull me up!"
But as you would guess, if your reading this it's too late.
Well at least the thought counts.
I shook my head using one hand to take off my helmet looking at my sister with a smile.
"now please do me one last favor."
"A-anything big bro."
I put the helm back on and pulled out my phone my arm now shaking with effort.
Damn this fucking armor! Last I checked it was supposed to be plastic.
Its safe to say I'm glad i took fitness classes!
My arm nearly let go as i quickly grabbed the edge of the strange portal with my other arm.
not enough though is seems...
Looking up at her i threw up a peace sign.
"Take a vid for mom and dad and hurry!"
she started rolling the clip as i started to slip.
"YO MAN SHE AINT LYING! NOW IM GONNA SLIP SO LOVE YOU AND STAY SAFE!"
I was finally going to fall but I steeled my self for a last couple of words.
I looked to my sister's friends and cracked a small smile.
"You three... stay the hell outta my room, computer and my fuckin underwear drawer!
They kept trying to pull me up but laughed nonetheless.
"Personal stuff man."
I saw all the merry con goers hurrying towards us but once again It was just too late.
I finally slipped and my sister screamed out for me one last time.
I threw up a prop of the smoke bombs that vanguard usually had on them and watched as she caught it staring at it in confusion before a small flag popped out of the top with the word bang on it.
She started laughing as the tears ran down her face giving me one last thumbs up.
Me retuning the favor watching the hole get smaller and smaller until I saw it close up on its own.
For some reason i grew tired and slowly fell asleep as the white void grew brighter and brighter, the last thing on my mind was my sisters smile.
.............................
I sighed as i remembered the memories of an old life floating by my mind one by one, well at least tried to sigh. Being in iron wasn't exactly the place that would allow free movement let alone breathing.
When i first arrived to this place I was so confused.
How did I get here? Who brought me here? Why was I here? Why was I so insane? Why am I scared to take my helmet off? W h y c a n t I D I E** ?**
I was deemed a threat and sealed in iron after a huge battle with....
*drum roll*
Celestia princess of the sun and Luna princess of the moon!
It's a funny story really. You see they tried stone at first but i broke it while trying to test the limits of the so called prison. They fought me and did it over with iron.
I don't think myself too high and mighty of course but I at least don't want to be sealed in some thing that i could very easily destroy.
"If you want me in a prison then you put me in style!"
Key word being 'too'.
I also wanted to be moved forward in time to the shows events....
And by show I mean... my little pony.
Yeah I watched it with my sister out of curiosity a couple damn times ok?! Fuck off, I've got too much free time.
I'm in the multiverse as I've figured years ago. Only reason I decided that I was in the multiverse is because I have been to only one alternate reality and met only one other in my situation. I know kinda quick to assume but but it's the only lead I've got so far.
oh and I kinda remember something about a merchant. Supposedly hes the one who put me here...
Eh oh well
I mean I miss my family of course but I don't wanna go on another angry tangent.
One of the only things I remember about where I came from is tv, video games and the internet and of course my sister.
Dont really remember my folks to much. I have no idea why either.
Man, it sucks that all this awesomeness is forced to stand forgotten deep within the statue garden.
Such a shame.
Did I mention I was vanguard from the game chivalry?
Oh wait.. yes i did. Then let me get to the funky part.
Ok, now the weird part is I'm not just a normal one. I have powers!
Though I've got to see if they are still there when I get out.
One of the only fun things I could do in this iron prison is fight against the voice that always seemed to be there even when I first arrived.
'Yo'
Think of it as lucid dreaming, making a clone of yourself in said dream and then.... well, you fight it!
Except it wasn't lucid dreaming though.
That was much more fun.
Plus It was always a draw since we had pretty damn good fighting skillz and all.
Kinda sucks when you can't fight your hardest either. After all this prison had its limits
And I don't wanna bust out till its time.
I was bored so I decided to float. And float I did, for thousands of years I floated, just floating and waiting for sweet release.
Heh... release.
I came out from my deep meditation within the iron feeling a weird commotion outside of my prison
I ended up mentally smiling))((so hard it could make pinkie blush.
But I didn't need to worry, soon that innuendo would become very real.
I was talking to my self so much that I didn't even see the class come and go with the exception of three familiar fillies.
It was my time!!
...............
"Hey Scoots?"
"Yeah bloom?"
"I ain't the one who usually says this, but this thing looks awesome!"
"You said it!"
"Well I think it looks scary."
"You think everything is scary Sweetie belle"
"I do not!"
"Yeah ya do ya big scaredy cat!"
"No I do-"
"Ahem"
All three turned to see the one and only mrs. cheerlie!
"I see you three want to stick right by my side till the end of the field trip hmm?"
"Aww but mis-"
"Excuse me!"
They all jumped before turning to a stallion who looked like a royal guard except with a very different silver colored armor and a helmet that covered his whole head.
The cutie Mark crusaders stared wide eyed
"Yes I'm new here and kinda forgot my way around here. Where is the castle again?"
Cheerlie raised a skeptical eyebrow as she just pointed behind him.
He turned around looking up at the castle.
For anyone to have missed the thing would have had to be either blind, foolish.....
Or insane.
"Ahh thanks!"
He crouched real low looking back at her.
"I'll definentaly see you later."
In one fluid motion he sprung up.
What no one was expecting was for him to go flying towards the castle and into one of the Windows.
She heard a click and looked down to see a small weird orb, it looked metal and it seemed heavy.
There was also a little flag jutting out of the top of it with the word "BANG".
"HaOoooomhaha! Ah yes! It seems I have achieved victory once again!"
looking down at the donut in my hands I couldn't help but be proud of myself.
I had waited patiently, oh so patiently for years. For.>>> so. Damn. long.<<<<
'Hahaha. Good one!'
I hadn't had a sweet thing, or anything at all for that matter in years.
And it was time to make up for lost time.
Oh and I stole the element of magic so that's a plus.
I quickly ran from out back of the donut shop having found a donut on the floor by the dumpster and ran into the store.
"Hey."
The store owner quickly grabbed his chest and looked towards me. All he saw was a mask with two eyes bulging out slightly bloodshot.
He seemed to recognize me as I was quite a big attraction and I think there Is a legend about me or i am taught about in school or something.
I dunno.
The man clutched his heart and closed his eyes for a second.
He backed up a little bit.
"You the one who threw this shit out?"
I slammed the half eaten dirt covered donut on the counter.
I got one of my potions out from my bag and broke it on his face.
Lucky for him I made it so the glass won't hurt anyone. Just think of it as plot convenience.
"Ow." He exclaimed!
"When I kill you I'll finally rule-"
His eyes widened as he put his hands over his mouth.
I laughed at his face. So filled with confusion! What he'll never know is that the clear liquid I threw at his face wasn't water but in fact my special control elixir.
Heh, secret blend. Couldn't show the ingredients if I wanted to. It's been so long I forgot. Luckily I had one more vial.
"Whelp. I guess I'll be going. And if I ever see another donut wasted I'll have someone around here kick your ass! While I would do that myself I can't right now because I'm very busy."
He grumbled looking more than a little relieved from my announcement o' leaving.
"But you have time to come in here yelling and -"
My voice boomed in anger. "Silence creature!"
*smack*
Words couldn't describe how pissed this man was as he looked at me like I was crazy.
"Yeah. That's uh. That's what happens there buddy."
His face was red with righteous furry. To this very day I don't think I'll ever see another face as pissed as his. The things Hasbro do to show anger in this... well... show doesn't do any justice. Besides the twilight hair thing.
"That's what happens when you throw shade my way."
I picked up a box of glazed donuts laughing. I think shock is what mostly kept him glued to the spot and he glared at the back of my head as I left.
Some ponies looked at me in surprise and fear as I left.
"Hey don't look at me! That was the weirdo in there. Somethin about spanking his monkey."
Some gasped and some covered their children's ears.
"Who would spank a poor little monkey?!"
I nearly felt the milk I started drinking (also swiped from the shop) almost explode out of my nose and I had to keep myself from choking as I laughed.
"Hey!" The old timer came barreling out the store but Haha! I was already gone!
I sighed as I soared through the air remembering what had happened when I had stolen the element of magic only hours earlier.
'Heheh. Cool. A flashback.'
___________________
"Well that was an awkward landing."
I stopped and stared at the floor.
'Well, first things first.'
I fell to my knees and dug my fingers into the stone so hard that it started to break.
"Years. Years in that prison. THAT HELL!!"
I clutched my head in my palms as I lightly rocked. Humans are social creatures and being trapped in stone unable to move and alone with your thoughts for centuries is no where near social.
When I think best it's usually when I feel the wind on my back and I'm out on an open field. Now that I've decided to escape and I looked around the garden a bit I realize that in stead of having my self locked up for years I could have traveled the world or had a little house to live in untill the time was right.
I didn't have to Lock my self the fuck up for centuries.
I A M A N I D I O T.
I growled as I stared at the crushed marble in my Palm.
I could feel so much killing intent welling up in side of me.
I was a ticking time bomb.
I slowly started to get up as looked around the dark hall one last time.
"I'd rather kill my worst enemy then put them through that hell. I must.... I will never allow this to happen again."
Some part of me blamed the pony sisters for this but I knew I was not them... it was the damn tree!! How could a so called tree of harmony administer such cruel judgment upon some one?! The only one I believed deserved this kind of judgment was sombra and even then he'd have to be let out at some point!
It is true I asked for this but I'm not really trying to argue for my self. What if the elements turned on someone they thought were guilty but we're really innocent? Would he be blown up or petrified for eons?
They were planning to leave me here forever! To rot and sit, another one of their out of sight out of mind problems that they no longer had to deal with!
'We must destroy it!'
Who does that tree and the elements think they are!?
Heh heh. There would be no worries. I had a plan to destroy that tree.
I'll had to make sure no one got in my way through. Or I'd have To beat them out of the way.
I brushed the glass off and walked down the hall. There weren't any guards around for some reason.
Maybe they've grown soft without my constant assaults.
'Ahem'
Huh? Oh yeah, don't worry we never killed anyone.
But that didn't mean some haven't died on my watch.
Probably one of the main reasons Celestia and Luna hated me.
......
Hey everyone look! We're in the throne room!
'Yeah, the throne room!'
I walked up to the throne putting a woopie cushion down. I went behind the throne and looked at the small hole sized for a horn.
'Time avert your eyes children!'
No no none of that besides it would never fit. Instead, I inserted two fingers!
'T_T'
What? Never mind don't answer that. ANYWAYS.
Unsure how that whole thing worked I shrugged my shoulders.
Help here goes nothing.
I laughed with what I'm sure was a very creepy face as I jammed my fist strait through the key hole.
.....huh.... no alarm? Weird. She has gotten softer than I thought.
'Or maybe it was a silent alarm'
So your a fukin wiseguy now huh?
'Just saying! Jeez.'
The door slowly started to open.
'Hey look at that! The magical discharge that you sent from your punch must have actually done something! And since I'm not smart and don't know crap about magic I'm not even going to try to explain it!'
Or the door just needed a good friend with benefits.
'Yup, or that.'
I went inside looking at the box that rested on the pedestal.
Heh. Went inside.
At first glance this box seemed like it held something very important. Like what ever was inside would decide the fate of the world!
'But we knew better! These were just the elements of harmony!'
Exactly!
Just one of the elements gone and boom! The world is no longer safe from everything, be it liars with the powers of a God.
'Or long lost enemies, kinda like us!'
Yeah but we're not really going to do anything. Just make them run after one of their elements and have a lot of fun.
And destroy that tree.
'Yeah true.'
Hmm... a couple to choose from.
'Hey remember years ago when we were fighting the princesses and you had grabbed the element of loyalty and all the sudden we started fighting harder?'
.......
'No?'
Your gonna need to be a fuck load more descriptive than that.
I mean before we were sealed in iron.
Oh yeah.
That was weird. It's like at first I thought I was just fighting to have fun but when i went flying past Luna's head and caught it away from her something changed.
'I have a theory.'
Go on.
'What if the element that you hold gives you a boost in what ever it represents?'
.....MY GOD MAN! THEN THAT MEANS-
'You weren't only fighting for fun anymore... the thing that demands the most loyalty from us is obvious.'
We were fighting cause they were trying to lock us in iron...
'We were fighting for the freedom of Adventure.'
I paused taking that in.
'Just how would we be able to have adventure if we were stuck in iron? I suggest we take magic. We'll be smacking asses and taking names in that order.'
Good diggity damn choice.
I grabbed the element of magic before pulling the giant door closed.
"Whelp. Looks like its time to-"
I stopped as I saw out one of the Windows the one and only.
'pony sisters'
And with them were... the elements of harmony.
'Hey? Can we go yet?'
Sounds good to me.
It's funny that I'm just now mentioning this but every one around here didn't even really act like ponies. I mean it was weird, like some ponies stood normally on four hooves some on two hooves, hell some even carried shit like they had a fucking pair of opposable digits. Some cussed like it wasn't anything though granted it was was way less than an average person on earth might cuss.
Man real life equestria was weird.
Anyways where was I?
I shot out of the Window that I viewed them eating from and laughed as I dropped a couple water balloons on their heads. Next jump though I made sure to rocket all the way to the everfree.
After they lose sight of me though I'll have to make sure to get some damn donuts.
..............
"-and then pinkie started to laugh right in his face."
Everyone laughed as they listen to the story that... we didn't fucking hear!! Celestia could only laugh as she set her tea cup down. She was laughing so hard that she didn't want to drop it.
"My what a good story twilight. My I *giggle* must ask *giggle*--
My God just spit it out woman!!
"Did you really laugh in his face? While it was still out pinkie?"
"Yupperoni!!"
Yknow... I think I'm actually starting to understand what's going on here and I'm not sure I like it.
"Even with the cotton candy?"
Ok, never mind.
As the group was talking there was a loud crash that made everyone look up.
Multiple objects smacked down around them.
They heard a laughing voice as chaos ensued and celestia was almost convinced this was discords doing untill she heard the unknown ponys voice.
"You get a water balloon!"
A large red balloon filled to the brim with Icy cold water ploped down right on Luna's face.
"You get a water balloon!"
Celestia felt the cold embrace of water as a green water balloon blew up on her back.
"Everyone gets a free water balloon!"
Water balloons came from every which way. Rainbow dash who was previously laughing at the princesses had desperately tried to get cover and failed as a water balloon smacked her in the cheek and sent her and her seat out of sight somewhere behind the table.
Rarity who had seen this whole spectacle nearly spit the food out of her mouth in laughter... that is untill she saw the special balloon with her name on it heading strait for her stomach. In slow motion one would be able to see the ripples of her cheeks and the food slowly falling out of her mouth as she screamed. The balloon finally making contact with her belly promptly knocked the wind out of her before blowing up and in turn sending her flying.
Applejack looked on in fear as she saw both her friends taken out so quickly and looked up to see her water balloon making a beeline for her chest. She, having absolutely none of this grabbed the still flying Rarity and with expected strength from a farmer moved her so that she was right in front of her. The balloon smacked Rarity right in the ribs and clean out of Applejack's grip into some nearby bushes. Again if one were to have taken a slow motion video they would have seen the outraged look on Rairity's face as she yelled and the slightly guilty slightly satisfied expression on Applejack's.
Twilight who's eyes were pinpricks by now we're staring strait at the water balloon coming right at her with a sort of apocalyptic fear. She could see the sky turn red and as the balloon got closer and closer and fire started showing up in the edges of her vision. Twilight's expression had about faced from fear inspired awe to a poker face and she made up her mind which was mostly "fuck this" as she teleported somewhere else.
Pinkie with almost cat like senses had hopped on to the table and took the water balloon head on. She quickly ran the length of the table which was for some reason even longer from her point of veiw and when the two got close she jumped up and back flip kicked it right back to its master who had a surprised look on his face when he felt it explode on his arm.
The armored man grunted and when he landed turned towards the direction of ponyville and then jumped again disappearing as a little speck into the everfree.
Celestia who had been staring at the trickster turned toward Luna and breathed out heavily.
"That was Nathaniel."
"I could tell" Luna scowled towards the everfree.
Off to the side rarity slowly limped from the bushes and came to a stop just out side of them. As she held her side she forgot about her love of everyday fancyness and being lady like and she pointed at Applejack.
Growling she yelled. "This is some bull shit!"
