1 - Mmm the Sweet Scent of WTF in the Air
Chapter 1: I heard WTF, was that you?
You know that feeling that something is horrendously wrong? That sort of tingle down your spine when you realise that you’re in a situation that could not be possibly described without explosively devolving into expletives?
I was in one of those right now.
“What the f–”
Okay, let’s skip ahead. These sort of things are all fun and games to begin with, but we all know how it turns out and everyone is most certainly worse for wear. Luckily, the people, err, ponies I was with were fairly understanding, if a little perturbed.
“Okay,” I mumbled, gathering myself up and sitting on my… haunches… “All I need to do is just complete this checklist and go about these ‘Royal Duties’ and eventually everything will be all right, right?”
“Uhm, yes. I think so…”
I stared at the shy butter-yellow pegasus. Her name was Fluttershy. Kind of weird as a name, but she was nice at least. She seemed to be a lot nicer than most people would be in a similar situation. Her statement wasn’t something that filled me with confidence.
“Don’t worry buddy,” the rainbow maned one to the right cheered encouragingly. “Twilight will fix you up and you’ll be back to normal in no time!”
I tried to be enthusiastic about the proposition.
“Okay,” I cheered weakly. “Let’s get this awkwardness over with.”
–––––
It actually took a few weeks, and I was the one who solved the problem. I had help too. This ‘Twilight’ character was apparently someone really important so even the Princesses helped. I sort of sunk into a state of constant ‘what the heck’ the whole time I was here, so the fact that there were ponies and princesses and castles and dragons and all that never really sunk in.
Still, as I standing near the portal, I kind of had misgivings.
“Do you think Twilight took care of my life?”
The bigger white-coated one nodded her head sagely. “Yes, I’m sure,” she assured me. “If she had done things as admirably as you have in this world, then it is certain that Twilight has endeavoured to behave normally in your own.”
I felt better after that. I stepped through the portal and landed somewhere… soft.
“Oof,” I said, my voice somewhat muffled by the padded fabric that lined the… room.
“Who–” I heard a voice gasp to my right. It was light and feminine and I realised it was my own. I shook my head, getting to my hooves.
I blinked at myself. She blinked back.
“Okay,” I began, holding out my hooves before Twilight inhabiting my body could say anything. “Two questions before we begin dialogue.”
I watched my head bob back in acknowledgement.
“One, why are we in a padded cell? Two, why are you in restraints?”
Turns out, while I was away, Twilight expect humans to be as understanding as ponies. While I couldn’t really fault her for that decision, it did lead my body, and hence me, to be committed in a psychiatric hospital.
“So let me get this straight,” I said, sitting in front of Twilight-in-my-body. “While I’ve been doing all your Royal Duties, you got yourself arrested a couple of times, accidentally my neighbour’s house on fire and got hit by a car?” I noticed one of my legs was in a cast.
“This,” I continued. “Is just ridiculous. How can you get into so much trouble?”
Twilight just kind of looked sheepish and hung her head.
I shook my head. “Alright then,” I said, getting to my hooves. “We’re going to swap back our bodies. But before you go back, we’re going to go around and visit everyone we’ve caused trouble to and apologise.” I wiped a tired hoof across my face.
After swapping bodies and undoing all the restraints, I winced at the dull throbbing of my leg. “Great,” I muttered. “I need some painkillers.”
According to Twilight, Dr. Maynard was the one in charge of her and he often visited her around the lunch break, to talk to her about her ‘delusions’. To be fair, I didn’t blame Dr. Maynard one bit, but I kind of wanted to be released from the psychiatric hospital with a clean bill of health. The one bright spot in this awkward situation was Dr. Maynard’s reaction as he walked in.
The first thing he spotted was me, sitting on the ground with no restraints. I don’t know what Twilight did to get the restraints put on, but I didn’t want Dr. Maynard putting me back in them.
“Wait!” I called out, just as he was about to turn back and call for some orderlies. “Can you answer just one question?” Clearly, the statement caught him off-guard as he turned back around, curious. His fingers were just an inch away from the intercom.
I gestured to the shadow of the door. “Can you see my delusions, too?”
–––––
After some panicking and flailing and a lot of accusations. The doctor calmed himself down. He seemed to be in a bout of denial.
“I must be suffering from delusions as well. It can’t be real… Ahah! It’s prank!” Dr. Maynard reached out to touch Twilight and her fur. “But it feels so real.”
Twilight pursed her lips. “It’s because it is real!” She said those words a little petulantly. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I was an alicorn Princess of Equestria!”
“Who would believe such a thing?” the doctor mumbled, his words picked up strength as he fell back to his medical training. “All it does is point to a classic delusional identity crisis. You’ve imagined yourself as someone else, someone fantastical and holding a fanciful position of power.”
Twilight huffed. “Then how can you explain this?” She levitated his pen in the air. I probably would have been more impressed if I hadn’t been Twilight for the past few weeks. “It’s magic, can’t you see that?”
The doctor blinked. “I was probably under sedation from the moment I stepped into your room. This is just a coping mechanism I’ve constructed as a response to my life being in danger. You’re probably running wild in the hospital and the orderlies will eventually be able to calm you down. All I need to do is sit tight and wait for medical help to arrive.”
I blinked at the doctor. Wow, I’ll give him some credit, he sure does stick to his principles.
“What will it take for you to accept that this is reality?” I asked, suddenly curious.
The doctor shrugged. “I don’t know, I’d have to experience it first and then I could get back to you on that question. Something could convince me, but I’m sorry it’d have to be some overwhelming evidence that my intellect couldn’t deny.”
“Hmm.” I tapped a finger to my chin. “Okay then.”
I talked to Twilight in hushed tones. “Let’s show him some magic,” I offered.
Twilight shook her head. “You saw him, he dismissed levitation!”
I chuckled and waved a hand. “Nah, humans can easily explain that away. Let’s take him on an adventure. Show him some advanced magic and then once my name is cleared, I can deal with everything else.”
Twilight hesitated but then she nodded, she owed me that much.
–––––
“Delusion.”
“Come on!” I snapped, gesturing around. “We’re in frigging Equestria! We’re in places ‘I’ haven’t even mentioned to you. Are you saying this is just a product of your imagination?”
“I would have to say so.”
I growled.
We teleported. Delusion. We went flying. Delusion. Twilight even played with the sun a bit. Delusion. We turned a frog into an orange. That was a magic trick.
I flung up my arms. “This is a waste of time,” I muttered, glancing sidelong at Twilight. She looked absolutely drained with all the magical feats she’d been pulling off.
Eventually we gave up, left Dr. Maynard in our former cell and then left with a teleport. Last thing I heard about Dr. Maynard was that he committed himself, something about suffering multiple delusions. I went to the local police station to apologise for the fire that burnt down my neighbour’s house. I told them it was Twilight’s fault.
Author's Note
You know those stories when two people swap minds and stuff? I always see HiEs which just focus on humans, and usually they're co-inhabiting. I just thought it'd be neat if we follow along some of the impacts of inhabiting a human body.
Short and sweet because I felt bored and I had nothing to do.
Next Chapter: Nope.
As always, my beloved bellicose readers, thanks for reading!
