When the muffins fall.
By: XxRUSxX

Derpy just woke up feeling a bit sleepy still but ready to depart her home and go buy some items that she was missing. Flapping her wings, she lifted of the bed and… fell on the ground. Shaking her head she stood back up and walked over to the bathroom where she brushed her teeth, combed her mane, and preened her wings.

Once that was done she came down stairs and quickly grabbed something to eat that was not too big. Derpy grabbed an apple and gobbled it down quickly and started to put on her uniform.

First of all, Derpy is a mailmare, which entitles her to deliver mail early in the morning so all the ponies can be happy when they don't have to wait for their mail. Finishing off morning duties, Derpy departed her home and started to deliver mail to all the ponies.

Each pony she passed gave her smiles and waves, happy to see their number one mailmare delivering the mail. Ponyville is not big so Derpy usually finishes delivering all the mail in about an hour to two hours.

Once finished she would go to the outskirts of White Tail Woods where she would relax and… wait until another horrible thing happens to the town, where it gets destroyed or whatnot.

Smelling the air around her, Derpy notices the familiar smell of muffins coming from the bakery. She knows that when the smell begins, the problem has been resolved and it was time for her favorite part of the day. Getting muffins and other sweets! So, she begun her trek to Sugarcube Corner...

There they stood… thousands upon thousands of soldiers, ready for battle. There weapons held high with shields covering them. This was the day they are going to defeat the monster that has ravished their ranks and take back their land!

Captain Blue stood in the front middle with a scowl as he read the report in front of him.

‘ Captain,

We have a slight problem. We have underestimated the time it would take for the beast to arrive at our borders. It will actually take three more hours until the beast will come, I suggest letting the soldier rest for a while, but having a sharp eye just in case.

We have also started to deliver more troops for support, you should see them coming in thirty minutes tops!

• Map Handler’

These fools, thought the captain. Always getting the wrong information, even in the most dire of situations. At least they are sending more support. Last time the beast has come, we only had a few hundred of soldiers that we used to defend us against it, but it did not work, the beast overpowered our defences in a couple of minutes. The last captain…

He was a good man, always looking out for everyone, trying to help everyone. When that day came though, he was ripped to shreds in seconds… nothing left except his armour. Now, I am in charge and I will not let my men fall like the last time.

I look back at all my men--which all stood still; ready. They all knew that they might all loss their lives but stood still. They wanted their families to stay safe.

“Men! We will fight! And we will we! But for now we rest! Till our foe returns!” There were some cheers among the ranks.They all stayed still though, none moved from their spots, they were determined and stubborn, so they stood; waiting.

I, like all my men stood beside them not moving an inch. The adrenaline bolting me to the ground. Even though the letter told me that we still had time, I did not care, I stood; one thing running through my head: ‘We will win!’.

Thirty minutes later another letter came:

‘Captain,

We have sent you four mammoths to help, as well as one hundred ground units. The last thing we sent, that might help is infiltrators fifty to be precise. Maybe they will be able to sneak around the beast and trick it to fall over, so we will be able to finish it off then.

I wish you luck captain, this will be all the troops I will be able to send your way.
- Map Handler’

I was happy, at least they did something right. Mammoths are massive beings, ten to twenty times larger than a normal soldier, they can take on anything and still live, truly a living tank. The last time we had a mammoth we managed to throw a war into our favour by sending it at one of the enemies cities where it destroyed countless homes until he was taken down. We mourned him for days, saddened by the loss of our greatest. Now mammoths can be made so much easier and they are stronger as well.

The infiltrators are groups of people able to sneak into any place with no problem and do whatever they were told to do and come back out unscathed. They are all nerds mixed with super soldiers.

On the horizon I saw them standing tall ready for anything that comes their way.

The ground shook. It was time…

Derpy hopped into the Sugarcane corner and came to the counter. Ready to order everything she sees.

“Hi’ya Derpy! What can get you?” Pinkie answer with her familiar smile and with her own hop.

“Well, I would like all the sweats on the second shelf. Thanks Pinkie!” Pinkie grabbed a bag out of nowhere and proceed to fill it with cakes and muffins, and some cupcakes too.

“That will be forty-five bits!” Derpy handed her the bits and exited the store quickly, ready to sink my teeth into the amazing army of muffins. Not knowing what it will do.

Ten minutes later she arrived home and lay all the muffins, cakes, and cupcakes on her counter and begun gobbling the sugary sweets.

Captain Blue stood tall and looked at the beast with hatred in his eyes. He and the rest of the camp are now prisoners of the beast all chained to each other. Looking around he can see all the soldiers. He could not see one thing though; fear. No one showed fear.

Everyone had smiles on their faces, they accomplished something today. They have slowed down the beast so it will not come back to take the rest of us. Even though they are sacrificing themselves, they were happy to do so, for their families.

They all knew that they might not come back alive so they have already made peace with Death a long time ago. I smiled to myself, I raised a fine army, and I, myself, was ready.

Derpy begun with the cakes which got demolished instantly with her intense hunger not even needing to cut the cakes into pieces.

Mammoths.

The next to get to get torn apart and eaten are the cupcakes. They are small so they fit into Derpy’s mouth with ease.

Infiltrators.

The last to go was the muffins. One by one they all fell into Derpy’s mouth, only the paper covers left.

Soldiers.

Derpy reached for the last muffin and looked at it for a couple of seconds, admiring the amazing work that Pinkie has made. Derpy knew, Pinkie makes the best muffins ever and she was excited to finish the last one. Derpy brought the muffin to her mouth.

As I look at the gray maw coming towards me, I close my eyes and hoping my children will grow up to be great muffins and most importantly, stay safe.

Author's Note

I just read a random story about Derpy eating going into a muffin war and thought this would be funny. I wrote this in thirty minutes, so don't expect anything good-ish.
Enjoy!