Randomness

by Mark Garg von Herbalist

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Random, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 46901

MLP and Mario crossover; involves a psychotic yoshi, terrorism, and a secret government agency

What do heroes, psychotic yoshis, and secret government agencies have in common?
Why, it's all on Equestria of course! Random isn't it?

(This how to NOT do a Crossover fan fic!)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-25 06:17:45 UTC

Part 1

Part 1

+++++

On Equestria...

Two earth pony colts wearing snow hats and holding bags of bits in their mouths are running through the dark streets of Canterlot like their lives depended on it. They are constantly looking over their shoulders and their eyes dart towards any sign of movement. Normally a criminal would love the night, but the nights at Canterlot have become increasingly more dangerous for its citizens. Crime and corruption have run rampant ever since Gabby Gums exposed the dubbed “Cake Scandal”. And it’s only gotten worse after the Changelings attacked during the Royal Wedding. And after criminals thought that they had a stronghold on the city of Canterlot, a mysterious masked pony dressed in purple began taking matters into their own hooves and has become the symbol of vigilante justice. So far this mysterious vigilante has eluded guards and criminals alike and is even tough for the reporters to track.

Currently, this masked figure is chasing the two colts, or was chasing the two colts. It appears that the thieves had eluded their stalker after they turned into a desolate, garbage filled alley.

“Okay, I think we lost it, Crook” says the first colt between his heavy breaths

“You sure, Hawker?” asks the second colt after wiping sweat from his face to the best of his abilities

“Yeah”

The colts scan the area to make sure no one was coming. They chuckle with relief and shake the bags.

“I’m glad we lost her” says Hawker

“What if it’s a ‘him’?” asks Crook

Their stalker lands quietly behind them with a soft blue glow around her. The mare is wearing a lavender outfit completely covering her body, with a dark purple mask (complete with one way goggles) and cape, a witchy hat, and on her hooves are armored gauntlets. In fact, just about everything is armored except for her cape.

The mare watches the two argue in silence. It’s only when she clears her throat do they stop arguing and slowly turn around. Their jaws drop and the bags fall to the pavement and all the stolen bits spill out.

“I’m a mare” says the mysterious vigilante in an obviously disguised voice

“N-no. No!” cries Hawker

“You-your voice is too deep and-and scratchy to be a mare” stammers Crook

With each step the mare takes the two colts take a step back, and two sets of rope and two blue metal apples covered in the light blue mist from levitation float up behind her. When the rope and blue apples lurch forward the colts’ eyes grow to the size of dinner plates and they make a mad dash to escape.

***

Two unicorn night guards (wearing purple and bark blue armor) are having a quiet discussion while patrolling the streets. So far it has been a boring night for them, and in attempt to cure the boredom they got into a conversation that went from the weather (which had been pleasant all week), to the weird stuff that can be ordered by PP’s Deliveries, and Lulamoon Entertainment Corporation sponsoring a benefit concert starring the band “3 Barns Up”. However, as soon as Trixie came up a small argument ensues about whose better, Twilight Sparkle or Trixie.

“Look, all I’m saying is that if it came down to a fight to the death Trixie would obviously splatter Twilight Sparkle” says the first guard, named Colt Kicker

“In your dreams” scoffs the second guard, named L Roy Jerkins “It’s a show pony versus a student of Princess Celestia. Trixie doesn’t stand a chance”

“…Trixie’s hotter”

“Okay, now you’re just asking to get your flank kicked”

Suddenly the guards hear two horrified screams and the instantly run to the source, which was conveniently close to them. They skid to a halt in an alley and see Crook and Hawker hog tied with blue metal apples stuffed in their mouths and bags of stolen bits next to them. Duct taped to Crook’s nose is a small note that the second guard rips off without much concern. Crook’s yelp is muffled behind his metallic gag and is ordered to shut up by the first guard.

“What’s the note say?” asks Colt eagerly

L Roy guard clears his throat.

“Dear Royal Guards of Canterlot,” begins L Roy dramatically “I have this/these criminal(s) as a way to let you now that the people of this city care about what goes on here and that we are sick of the crime and corruption. Now get off your flanks and do your job! Sincerely, Mare-Do-Well”

Both guards look at each other and Colt shrug.

“I guess we drag them in” says Colt

Both guards lift up the captures ponies with their magic and turn around to leave, but briefly become so distracted by a zooming vehicle that they drop the ponies. They watch Mare-Do-Well pilot an odd contraption with a skinny frame and two fat wheels that leaves a trail of quickly fading light blue glitter. When the trail disappears it takes them a couple of seconds to regain their composure and pick up their prisoners.

“Well, back to the station” says the L Roy coolly

+++++

On the Mushroom World…

The history of this world, like all worlds, is chaotic and full of mystery. Thankfully, under the guidance of Princess Celestia, Equestria has seen a thousand years of peace -

“Hey E Gadd, what are you reading?” blurts Mario

E Gadd looks up from a thick purple book and flashes a joyful, childlike smile at Mario. E Gadd is sitting in a swirly chair at his metallic desk, and like most of his place, it is cluttered with blueprints, notes, and crumbled pieces of garbage.

“Why Mario, my dear boy, I am reading the History of-”

Ding-itty-Ding-Dong-Dongy-Dong-Dong!

“Oh, that’s my doorbell!”

E Gadd jumps out of his seat and bolts to the door, leaving his swirly chair to spin rapidly for ten seconds flat before coming to an abrupt stop. This makes Mario raise an eyebrow, but he brushes aside what he had just witnessed since he is in E Gadd’s house and lots of weird things happen in his place. Mario scratches his chin and looks up at the ceiling (which has constellations made out of bottle caps on it).

Mario can hear E Gadd talking to other people and from the sounds of it, it’s Luigi. Mario peeks into the hallway and sees E Gadd showing off a bright pink box with red ribbons on it to his guest. He’s explaining how it came from PP’s Deliveries and how he’s planning on ordering a “Sweet Tooth Ice Cream Truck” to compare with a “Warthog”.

Mario walks back into E Gadd’s office and looks at the purple book the crazy scientist was reading before he was interrupted. Mari checks the cover and sees that a portion of the title has been rubbed away, so all that’s on it is “History of Eque-”.

“Great” mumbles Mario

Mario sits down and flips through the book. All he sees are pictures of colorful (and anatomically weird) ponies with some weird language written in really sloppy calligraphy. How E Gadd could read it is beyond him.

‘Wow, it’s like someone wrote this with their mouth’ thinks Mario

“Hey Mario, where are you!” calls Luigi

Mario flips the pages back where E Gadd left off and walks into the living room. Luigi is sitting on a puffy couch and E Gadd is sitting in his easy chair with that pink box he was showing off to Luigi earlier.

“What is it, Luigi?” asks Mario

“Mario, we need to talk” says E Gadd grimly

Mario stares at E Gadd, wondering if his grim tone is serious or if he’s just joking.

E Gadd’s stern look is suddenly replaced with a giant grin and he yanks out a blueprint roll.

“About science!” says E Gadd ecstatically

“I figured” says Mario as he leans against the wall

E Gadd flips open the arm of his chair, pushes a big red button, and the floor in the middle of the room splits open and a coffee table rises into view. When the table is fully up, the floor seals itself shut and the table locks itself into place. E Gadd giggles as he hops off of his chair and unrolls the blueprint on the table.

“Gentlemen, I have a proposition” says E Gadd

“Ooh, I like propositions” says Luigi

Mario looks at Luigi and Luigi smiles and shrugs nervously.

“What is this proposition?” asks Mario

“Well, my boy, I propose that-”

Ding-itty-Ding-Dong-Dongy-Dong-Dong!

“Oh, that’s my doorbell”

E Gadd hurries to his door and lets in two toads; a scarred toad wearing a yellow vest with yellow spots on his mushroom head (named Yellow Dude) and his brother, Blue Dude, who is wearing blue and has blue spots instead of yellow.

“Ah, I’m glad you can make it” says E Gadd gleefully

“Yeah, yeah, we’re all glad to be here. Are we going to a bar after this?” asks Yellow rudely

“Yellow, can you please show some manners!” begs Blue

E Gadd leads the Dude Brothers to his living room. Mario gives Blue a courteous nod, which he returns in kind, and Yellow Dude and Mario do a fist pound. Blue sits next to Luigi and Yellow sits next to his brother, looking bored out of his skull already.

E Gadd clears his throat and everyone focuses on him; this makes him smile.

“Good, now that everyone is here, we can begin” says E Gadd

“We’re missing Yoshi” says Blue

“He’s on vacation visiting Sandy on Yoshi Island” says Mario

“Who’s Sandy?”

“The tan yoshi that Yoshi fell in love with when we were on Yoshi Island rescuing Peach”

“You don’t say” says Yellow

“Are you sure? This sounds strangely like a shipment forced upon a fandom by fandom zealots” says Blue

The room falls deathly quiet as all eyes shift to Blue. He chuckles uneasily and shrinks in his seat. A part of Mario is eager to hear those crickets chirp again, but all he gets is Yellow’s groaning.

“Can we get this over with? I haven’t had a smoke in a few hours” grunts Yellow

“Seriously? Do you have to smoke that much?” scoffs Blue

“Yes I do”

“Anyways!” says E Gadd with a sudden burst of sternness

E Gadd pushes a button underneath the coffee table and a copy of the blueprint appears in a blue holographic projection for everyone to see easily. E Gadd explains the mechanics of his “Transdimensionaljumpingatron 9000” while he turns off the lights and closes the blinds and curtains. When he’s done with those the projection is the only light in the room, he goes on to explaining his mission.

“Gentlemen,” says E Gadd dramatically “I’ve explained the device to you and now I ask you this one simple question. Do you want to explore new worlds?”

“I want a beer” says Yellow

“Dammit, Yellow!” snaps Blue

+++++

Meanwhile at Bowser’s Castle…

“Karl, where is my remote!” barks Bowser

Bowser is sitting on his throne, trying to watch a game of football, but the game was rudely interrupted by an infomercial advertising a hair growth gel. A koopa with a black shell, burnt skin, and piercing red eyes dressed in Koopa Patrol armor, and armed with a saber, grouchily walks up to Bowser with the television remote in his claws.

“Here it is, Your Majesty” says Karl while handing the remote to Bowser

Bowser snatches it and changes the channel to a hockey match. So far it looks like Koopa Land is destroying the Mushroom Kingdom; nine hundred to zero. Bowser chuckles from the euphoria he’s getting from watching the toads be destroyed by the koopas.

“Wario and Waluigi request your presence, sire” says Karl flatly

“They can wait” growls Bowser

“They said you’d say that and they told me to tell you that they had finished setting up the surveillance equipment and are now spying on E Gadd”

Bowser looks at Karl.

“Really?” asks Bowser

“Yes sir” replies Karl

“Hmm…I’m at a predicament here. On the one hand, I’m interested in seeing what that old man is planning, but on the other hand I want to see who will win this hockey match”

“I think it’s a safe bet to say who will win”

“Hmph, record the match, Karl, I’m off to see what those two knuckleheads have found”

“Of course sir”

Bowser marches out of the room (shaking it slightly with each step) and Karl sets the recorder. After setting the recorder he sits on Bowser’s throne and puts his hands together like a pyramid and taps his pointer fingers together rhythmically. Half an hour later, Kammy and Kamek fly in, smoking and panting.

“Bowser we got bad news!” says Kamek

“I’m not Bowser” says Karl harshly without looking up

“Where’s Bowser” demands Kammy

“Meeting with Wario and Waluigi down in the research levels of the castle; why?”

“Rex has escaped!”

Karl jumps out of his seat and puts his hand on the hilt of his saber.

“You two find Bowser! I’ll muster the guards!” says Karl

Kamek and Kammy zoom out of the throne room to find Bowser and Karl runs out to muster his guards.

***

Bowser walks into a domed room with bright lights shining down on it. There are thick tubes and wires are slithering all over the floor and walls and in the middle of it all…is a phone booth. Wario and Waluigi are in the back, hunched around a bulky computer propped on a simple metal table. Both of them are wearing headsets and Wario is using a joystick while Waluigi is taking notes.

“…Trans-Dimensional travel…” mutters Waluigi

Bowser walks forward and has a look at what the two are watching. He can see the self-proclaimed Mushroom World Heroes, their sidekicks, and the crazy scientist talking about something. He can also see a very elaborate blueprint of E Gadd’s invention, which looks nothing like the phone booth in the middle of the room.

‘Okay, what the Hell’ growls Bowser mentally

“Oh, hey Bowser” says Wario casually

“That blueprint looks nothing like what you have in the middle of the room” snarls Bowser

“But it works the same way” says Waluigi defensively

“How can you be so sure?”

“Trust us, it’ll work” says Wario

“What if I told you that I don’t trust you” retorts Bowser

“Then we’ll be very, very angry with you and then we’ll write you a letter telling you how angry we are”

Bowser and Waluigi look at Wario and Wario is oblivious to their staring for a few seconds, but when he notices he gets a sheepish grin.

“What” says Wario innocently

“No movie references” orders Bowser

“Fine”

“What have you found out so far?”

“Well we found out that E Gadd is planning an expedition to explore another dimension. More specifically, a place called Equestria. Apparently he has a friend over there”

Bowser scratches his head.

“He has a friend in another dimension?” says Bowser quizzically

“Well it’s not that big of a deal,” says Wario snobbishly “I mean inter-dimensional communication has been around for a very long time. In fact, according to Dr. Miles Prower’s Theory of Dimensional Fusion, if two dimensions interact enough times then they eventually become one dimension”

“Why does that name sound familiar?”

“Miles was that little two tailed runt with the bad attitude. But everyone called him ‘Tails’”

“I think that attitude was because of puberty” reasons Waluigi

Bowser laughs and slaps Wario on the back, causing him to lurch forward and bang his head against the computer screen. The computer almost falls off of the table, but with quick reflexes Wario and Waluigi are able to catch it and set it straight.

“I remember him!” laughs Bowser hysterically “I punched him in the face when he had that ridiculously adorable kitty keychain. And then Olimar splattered because of it!”

Bowser laughs so hard his scales turn red and Wario and Waluigi join into the laughing. Soon their eyes are filled with tears and their faces are bright red because they are laughing so hard.

“Hey, how does this thing work?” asks a black yoshi with red spines and eyes

Wario and Waluigi explain how the device works in between their laughs and the black yoshi thanks them, crawls inside, and then disappears in a flash of blinding light a few seconds later. Bowser, Wario, and Waluigi immediately stop laughing and stare at the burnt square where the in the middle of the room.

And they stared.

And they stared.

And they stared.

And they stared.

Kamek and Kammy fly in the room, closely followed by Karl and the Koopa Brothers.

“Your Smelliness, Rex has escaped!” says Kamek anxiously

Bowser screams at the top of his lungs while shaking his fists.

“NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOAAAAUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRGGGHHHHHH!!!”

+++++

Back at E Gadd’s House…

Mario is pacing around the holographic projection while rubbing his brow. He can’t believe what E Gadd is proposing. He knows E Gadd is loopy, but traveling through different dimensions just for the heck of it is just insane! Especially traveling to a place inhabited by intelligent ponies. What good could that possibly bring! Plus he has a job to defend the Mushroom World from whatever threats there may be. But Luigi on the other hand…

“I like that idea” says Luigi happily

“I think it’s gay and stupid” says Yellow

“I’m in,” says Blue Dude “I want to study these extra dimensional beings”

“You can’t be serious” scoffs Yellow

“I am serious. And either you can come or you can stay here and get a job”

“Okay, I’ll go”

Luigi looks at Mario with Bambi eyes.

“Are you going, brother?” asks Luigi

“No” says Mario flatly

“But why! I’ll be going, and all your friends are going”

“Yoshi’s not going”

“That’s beside the point”

“Well I have a duty to defend the Mushroom World –and Peach- from whatever dangers may come. I can’t do that while I’m talking to talking ponies”

E Gadd wags his hand while shaking his head furiously.

“No. Nope, nope, nope, no, no, no. No. You’ll be studying talking ponies” says E Gadd

“Which requires talking to them, E Gadd” says Mario harshly

“…Oh yeah...So are you coming?”

“No!”

E Gadd sighs depressingly.

“Okay…that’s fine” says E Gadd sadly

Next thing Mario knows, he’s standing outside and E Gadd is slamming the door behind him. Mario huffs and kicks imaginary rocks away, stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks down the path.

“Well, this day can’t possibly get any worse” says Mario to himself

Not even a second later, Mario gets a newspaper to the face by the local paperboy.

“Sorry Mario!” hollers the paperboy while speeding away on his bike

Mario shakes the pain away and picks up the newspaper (titled Mushroom Times). On the front page is a picture of Tails, wearing a nice suit, shaking hands with E Gadd in front of Mushroom Kingdom’s University of Advanced Sciences. Mario cocks his head and flips to the part that’s covering the story behind the front page picture.

Professor Elvin Gadd and Dr. Miles Prower met today at the University of Advanced Sciences yesterday to talk about the future of travel. But this future of travel is not about visiting exotic regions of the Mushroom World or Mobius, but of traveling to other dimensions! The extensive research by the prodigies has led to multiple breakthroughs of-

“Blah, blah, blah” mutters Mario impatiently as he speed-reads through the article

Dr. Prower is reported to be staying in the Mushroom Kingdom to give lectures at UAS until the end of the week

Mario closes the newspaper and carelessly tosses it behind his back.

“Well, it looks like I know what I’ll be doing” says Mario to himself

And then he boldly walks down the path and begins his journey to talk to Miles Prower; the best friend of his number one rival.

+++++

At the University of Advanced Sciences…

“And that is a basic explanation of Dimensional Fusion” finishes Tails

The auditorium that Tails is talking in is filled so much that people had to sit on the floor, but it is also dead silent, save for the scattered sounds of pencils and pens scratching on paper. But after Tails finishes his presentation the crowd files out of the auditorium with great difficulty; a good ten minutes passes before it is completely empty, except for Mario. Mario had been waiting in the back patiently for almost an hour, listening to a form of science that his mind cannot comprehend. He’s not even sure if most of the toads in the auditorium comprehended what was presented. To him, it seemed like Tails and E Gadd were basing their Inter-Dimensional Travel/Fusion thingamajig on grounds as flimsy as wet tissue paper.

‘Well, time to talk to Tails’ thinks Mario dreadfully

Mario walks down the steps towards Tails, who is now putting away his stuff in a fancy briefcase. Mario can’t believe he’s about to talk to his rival’s best friend about this odd field of science.

“You’re skeptical, aren’t you” says Tails coolly while snapping his suitcase shut

“I thought I hid my skepticism very well” says Mario sarcastically

“Are you here for questions or are you here to badger me”

Before Mario can reply Tails pulls out a small pink box almost identical to the one at E Gadd’s house, and he takes out a glowing glass bottle of soda called “Nuka Cola” and drinks it.

“What is that?” asks Mario

“Nuka Cola” says Tails

“Uh huh…I’ve never heard of it. Is it a Mobius thing?”

“Nope, it’s from another dimension. Me and E Gadd did extensive studies on this one and it is, by far, one of the most difficult ones we’ve had. This particular dimension seeps into other dimensions and fuses together to create something new with minimal levels of external influences. We called it the Fallout Dimension”

“But why is it in a pink box? I saw one almost exactly like that, only bigger, at E Gadd’s place”

“Oh, ‘PP’s Deliveries’, they deliver randomness”

“…What”

Tails grins and pats the box like it is his loyal pet.

“Without PP’s Deliveries, me and E Gadd wouldn’t have been able to get as far as we did with our inter-dimensional studies. The founder is already a master of the subject and even has gotten as far as to breaking something called the ‘Fourth Wall’. I’m hoping to study-”

“Fantastic, listen I need you to talk to E Gadd, he’s lost his mind”

“How so”

“He wants to take us to a place called Equestria to meet with talking ponies”

“Oh, that’s very thoughtful of him.  He’s been talking about meeting with Pinkie Pie for a while, since she’s in charge of the ‘PP’s Deliveries’ and all and that’s where she lives. I think they Facebook-ed each other too”

“What the heck is ‘Facebook’?”

Tails hops off of the stage and walks towards the exit, completely ignoring Mario’s question. As Mario trails him he pretends to strangle the fox.

“Tails, I know you and E Gadd put a lot of time and effort into this, but this is a crazy, stupid idea that you have and I don’t want my brother or my friends getting wrapped up in this pseudo-science of yours” says Mario impatiently

“We are on the verge of a scientific breakthrough, Mario, it will revolutionize everything” says Tails firmly

Tails waves to a couple of students that greeted him as he walks down the hallway with Mario at his side. Mario grabs Tails’s shoulder and looks him dead in the eyes.

“Revolutionary or not, you need to talk sense into E Gadd before he gets my brother killed with an implosion!” says Mario desperately

“There were only three implosions” says Tails

“Three times too many!”

“I’m sorry, Mario, I can’t, for the sake of science, now if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be”

And then Tails hurries away without another word, and Mario sighs and walks alone in silence; that is until his drooling troll of a clone grabs him and yanks him behind a corner. Mario is about to punch Wario, but Wario holds up his hands defensively and begs Mario not to hit him; Waluigi is also there, munching on a banana.

“What do you guys want?” sneers Mario

“We have a slight problem” says Wario

“We were building a trans-dimensional traveling device, but then something bad happened” says Waluigi as he carelessly tosses the banana peel away

Mario sighs and rubs his brow; he has a feeling he’s going to regret what his rivals are going to say.

“What happened?” asks Mario reluctantly

“Rex stole it and jumped to another dimension and Bowser is requesting your assistance to get him back, due to your extensive knowledge of yoshis” says Wario

Mario opens his mouth to bash them for their carelessness, but then he realizes he has no clue who “Rex” is. And then another thought creeps in where thinks Bowser has an ulterior motive.

“Who’s Rex?” asks Mario suspiciously

“Rex is a black yoshi from Yoshi’s Island, he was captured by Bowser’s soldiers when he occupied it all those years ago” says Waluigi

“What’s special about him?”

“Rex is a nut job” replies Wario

“That doesn’t say much” says Mario dryly

“Mario, I know you don’t trust us, but believe me when I say that we need to get Rex back before he does any real harm”

Mario rubs his chin, trying to decide whether or not he should risk going to find a nut job yoshi and leave Peach exposed to Bowser, or just stay here and let Wario and Waluigi handle the problem themselves and not risk losing a kingdom…again.

“What if I say ‘No’?” asks Mario

“Oh c’mon, Mario!” whines Wario “We did not get teleported into a closet by Kamek just so you can say ‘No’!”

“I thought my assistance was requested”

“Look, Mario,” says Waluigi carefully “just think about this for a second. Say, hypothetically, that Rex is going to the same place that your brother and friends are going”

Mario’s eyes narrow, which makes Wario and Waluigi take a step back.

“Where is he going” demands Mario

Wario looks at Waluigi, Waluigi looks at Wario, and then they both look at Mario. Both of them sigh in unison and look down while shifting their feet shamefully.

+++++

Back on Equestria…

It is a bright and sunny day on the outskirts of Ponyville. The sky is almost cloudless, the sun is warming everything up for the summer season, and there is a soft wind rolling over the fields to cool off the peaceful ponies and to spread the pollen for the flowers.

In the middle of the Whitetail Wood, Daisy, Ponyville’s expert gardener, is skipping through the forest with a basket of flowers in her mouth. She is humming her favorite tune while marveling at the beauty of the forest, when a sparking phone booth suddenly falls out of the sky and lands in front of her. She makes a small “Eep!” and scrambles backwards and falls on her back, dropping the basket in the process.

Daisy clumsily gets back on her hooves and watches in wonder as the door slides open with a small hissing noise and becomes curious when she sees a bipedal reptile with black scales, a big muzzle, and red spines hobble out of it. She wants to greet it, but something seems…off about the visitor, so she takes a step back instead.

“[Ah, Rex, it’s good to get out of that dingy dungeon]” says the creature

The creature, Rex, cracks his back and takes a moment to look at his surroundings. When he sees the mare he flashes a toothy grin. But his teeth are not bright and clean, they are almost pure yellow and rotting away in spots…and sharp too.  Daisy wrinkles her nose because she can smell his horrible breath from she’s standing. She doesn’t even know how to describe the smell!

“[Hey there cutie]” says Rex pleasantly

Daisy shies away by taking a couple of steps back and lowering her head while trying to hide behind her mane. But her mane is not big enough. She knew she should’ve gotten those mane extensions when she was at Canterlot.

“[Do I frighten you?]” asks Rex sadly “[Oh that’s okay, I understand]”

Rex lightly kicks a rock away.

“[Yeah, I’ve always been seen as a blight on my world. Why should this one be any different?]”

Daisy can’t understand what he’s saying, but she can hear the grief in his voice. She takes a deep breath and, against her better judgment, trots forward. When she’s close enough she nuzzles her head under his hand. Rex smiles and gently runs his fingers through her mane. The claws running through her mane and lightly scratching her skin feels really good, like a Godly back-scratch. The mare smiles and closes her eyes blissfully while Rex rubs her head. But then Rex twists her mane around his hand and holds her head up so that she is looking into his blood red eyes. He snickers and licks his lips while his claw tracing a trail on the mares cheek. She begins shaking and whimpering and Rex softly shushes her while rubbing her cheek with his thumb. Daisy stops whimpering, but her trembling becomes so bad that she has to sit down.

“[Silly little creature, you should’ve listened to your instincts]”

Part 2-A

Part 2-A

+++++

“Trixie…Trixie…It’s…Everything’s going to be okay”

Trixie, as a foal, gradually opens her tear soaked, bloodshot eyes. She stares at a unicorn who looks much like her, except her mane is a dark brown and her cutie mark is a book with musical notes flowing out of it. The unicorn is bedridden in a hospital, her room is spotless and white with decorations of flower paintings and a vase filled with roses. It’s supposed to give the patients and visitors a sense of hope and comfort, but all Trixie finds is dread. Dread, fear, anguish, and anger.

Trixie’s lips quiver as she opens her mouth to talk but nothing comes out but a small whimper, and more tears that roll down her cheek. The unicorn smiles sadly and tells Trixie to come closer. Trixie, despite being as small as she is, manages to jump on the bed and curl up next to the sick unicorn. The unicorn strokes her mane with her shaking hoof.

“I’m scared mama” says Trixie quietly; any louder and she would’ve burst into tears

Trixie’s mother smiles reassuringly and looks into Trixie’s purple eyes.

“Don’t be afraid, Trixie” whispers her mother “I’ll always be with you. Come here”

Trixie inches closer to her mother and they embrace each other for the last time.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

It’s been a year since Trixie’s mother passed away, a lot has changed since then. She has been living with her father in the glamorous city of Canterlot, and she has been enrolled in a school for unicorns and living especially close to the Royal Palace.

Trixie bounces into her home with a grin stretching across her face, and gallops up the stairs to a large office filled with books, folders, and a portrait of Trixie’s mother and a stallion unicorn with a silver coat and blue mane, and a pen and paper cutie mark. The stallion from the picture is hunched over a desk writing something down in deep concentration.

“Dad! Dad!” yells Trixie happily as she bounces around the room like Pinkie Pie on a sugar rush

The stallion’s only reply is a grunt and faster scribbling.

“Dad, I got my cutie mark!” says Trixie “See?”

Trixie shows her cutie mark to her father, it is a wand with a star tip and a small swirl around it. The stallion stops writing and grits his teeth as he puts his pen down and then he stares at Trixie with great annoyance and…disappointment?

Trixie can’t believe that her father would be disappointed. She must be reading him wrong, she reasons with herself.

“When Starlight said that I had performed some of the best magic she had ever seen I got it” says Trixie in a desperate attempt to keep her happiness

Her father continues to stare at her. Trixie takes a cautious step forward, her smile now being forced to stay, and her father looks down and continues writing whatever it was he was writing in the first place. He mumbles something that Trixie can’t hear so she steps closer. Her smile begins to fade away.

“I’m sorry father…I didn’t hear you” says Trixie carefully as she rubs her right hoof over her left leg shamefully; her smile is now gone

“Why couldn’t you perform this ‘best magic’ when I tried to enroll you in Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns?” growls her father

Trixie opens her mouth to say something, but her father points at the door behind her and glares threateningly at her.

“Get out” sneers her father

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

In the pouring rain, a crowd of ponies, dressed in black, are huddled around a coffin that is slowly being lowered in the ground. Behind the coffin, on a lavish display consisting of flowers and reefs is a picture of Trixie’s father. Trixie, now a young adult, is standing in the back, wearing a simple black dress and hat. Unlike the others, who are crying, or trying not cry, Trixie is just staring at the coffin with a “Good Riddance” celebration attitude. She purposefully ignores the priest and the gatherer’s wailing and keeps her focus on listening to the rain patter against her hat. She doesn’t want to hear these ponies mourn for that poor excuse for a stallion. If she wasn’t so transfixed on watching her father being lowered to the dirt and mentally rejoicing that his soul will be going somewhere lower, she’d watch the gobs of rain droplets roll off her hat.

“Trixie…” says an elderly voice cautiously

Trixie’s eyes glide over to the priest, who had quietly made his way to her without her realizing it. He has a faded red coat and tan mane and tail (but with his age, it almost looks white) and he looks troubled to see the state she is in.

“I…I can see the celebration in your eyes” says the priest

“Good. I want everyone to see” says Trixie darkly

“I know you didn’t like-”

“I hated him”

“But please, I am begging you, talk to me. Don’t keep-”

“Oh so now you care!”

Trixie turns to the priest and stomps towards him so that their noses are practically touching. The priest takes a step back and some of the people in the crowd look at Trixie and the priest. Trixie’s nostrils flare and her ears flatten on her head as she leans closer to the priest. The priest shifts uneasily in his spot and Trixie’s eyes narrow.

“Now you care?” repeats Trixie in a harsh whisper, her voice slightly cracking

“Trixie…” begins the priest

Trixie scoffs and marches away from the funeral. The priest gulps back some tears and looks at the grass. The priest looks up again and sees Trixie disappear into the rain.

“May you find peace” whispers the priest

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

The night sky is covered with clouds, shrouding the moon and the stars, and Trixie is pacing around Twilight in a field dotted with small craters and pockets of fire that have fiery smoke rise into the sky. Both of the unicorns’ manes and tails are a complete mess and have twigs and other debris caught in them, and their colorful coats are caked in bloody dirt. But while Trixie looks like she’s had a rough scuffle, Twilight looks like she’s about to die. Her horn is cracked and bleeding, easily has more cuts and bruises than Trixie, nearly turning her purple coat red with blood, and one of her eyes is swollen shut. She is also trying to push herself up, but every time she tries she knocked down by Trixie.

“Fight back!” orders Trixie “Fight back! Defend yourself from the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Trixie shoots a blue beam at Twilight that blasts her a dozen feet in the air and when she lands, she skids across the ground, leaving a trail of bloody dots. She coughs painfully and watches in horror and sadness as Trixie approaches her with murderous intent. She can also hear her friends screaming for her and demanding Trixie to stop.

“FIGHT BACK!” screams Trixie

When the other five run up to her, Trixie quickly takes them out. For Rainbow Dash, she uses a bolt of lightning from her horn that strikes her in the chest, knocking her down and most likely stopping her heart for a second or two. For Rarity, that high maintenance marshmallow unicorn, Trixie purposefully launches her head first into a pile of mud. Trixie has to teleport away from Pinkie Pie’s Party Cannon and wrap her body in a stone casing. She then uses that stone casing to whack Applejack away when she tried to buck her. As for Fluttershy, well she was standing in front of Twilight defensively and Trixie doesn’t wait for her to use The Stare. She uses Fluttershy’s enormous mane to cover her head and then she flings her at Rarity’s little mud-hole. Fluttershy hits Rarity and they both fall into the mud. All this takes place in a matter of ten seconds.

“Wait!...Stop!” cries Twilight weakly

Trixie smiles devilishly.

“Your fight is with me…not them…please…let them go” pleads Twilight

As soon as Trixie turns around to look at Twilight lightning flashes in the distance, closely followed by rolling thunder. Twilight manages to push herself back on her hoofs, but collapses a few seconds later. Rain ours down and Trixie puts her hoof on Twilight’s neck and pushes down so hard she can feel Twilight’s pulse. Twilight gasps for air but does nothing to try to free herself. Trixie can see the fear in Twilight’s good eye and it makes her smile. Her rival is under her hoof, powerless, and in the middle of pouring rain. Just as her father had been buried in the rain, so shall Twilight Sparkle.

“At least tell me why…Why are you doing this?” sobs Twilight

“You took everything away from Trixie. Now you shall pay with your life” says Trixie ominously

Trixie brings her hoof up and-

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

***

Trixie gasps awake, sweating profusely, and slams her hoof on her alarm clock, effectively turning it into a flattened piece of junk.  She stares, wide-eyed, at nothing in particular as she tries to get her breathing and sweating under control.

“Bucking dreams” sighs Trixie while flopping back in her bed

Trixie then notices the condition of her alarm clock and scowls.

“Piece of junk” mutters Trixie while flinging it away using her telekinesis

The alarm clock lands perfectly in a garbage bin filled with other flat alarm clocks. She reluctantly rolls out of her bed and magically opens the drapes on her curtains to look at the city of Canterlot. It has to be at least noon; the sun is high, the sky is cloudless, and the new vehicles called zeppelins are lazily gliding around the airspace displaying advertisements for PP’s Deliveries, Lulamoon Entertainment, and other big name companies.  She also takes a moment to marvel at the towering buildings that have been recently put up in Canterlot. Sure Canterlot has had its fair share of tall buildings, but the skyscrapers are so huge that she can barely see the Royal Palace behind them.

‘A lot sure has changed the last few years’ thinks Trixie

Trixie walks over to her kitchen and checks the messages on her answering machine, another new invention that ties in with another invention called a telephone. Only the elite class has the privilege of owning one.

“You have one new message” says the creepy computerized voice

Beep!

“Trixie, this is Filthy Rich, I hope you have considered my proposal for allowing my assistance of the ‘3 Barns Up Benefit Concert’. I know that if our companies work together we can do a lot of good for Equestria. Call me back when you have an answer. Thanks, bye”

Beep!

“End of message. To delete, press-”

Trixie deletes the message and walks into her living room and turns on the television. The news is on, and it is about Mare-Do-Well and Shining Armor’s response. The footage is live at the Royal Palace, and Shining Armor is standing behind a podium with a bundle of microphones in front of him. Princess Cadence is standing next to him on one side and Celestia on the other. With the constant flashes from the cameras bombarding the trio, it’s a wonder none of them have been blinded yet.

“…Mare-Do-Well’s actions are not only dangerous to herself but to the city of Canterlot” says Shining Armor into the microphones “The law is the law and my colts are fully capable of handling the wave of crime and corruption. We cannot afford more discord in this city, whether it is between rival gangs or civilians taking on the criminals, we simply cannot allow these acts of vigilantism to continue. The only one who can truly protect you is the Equestrian government and her Guards. Whoever you are, Mare-Do-Well, I urge you to stop this charade before the repercussions become too grave. That is all”

Shining Armor steps away from the podium and walks inside the palace; the two princesses follow him inside, and the crowd of reporters and photographers surge forward while shouting their questions and a line of the gold armored Royal Guards step forward to block them.

Trixie turns off the television and smiles boastfully.

+++++

At E Gadd’s House…

In the basement of E Gadd’s house, Luigi and the Dude Brothers are waiting patiently for E Gadd to come down. Everyone is carrying a backpack filled with basic survival gear and communicators as a precaution.

“So, Blue…” says Yellow gruffly while lighting a cigarette

“Yeah, Yellow” says Blue while polishing a wand

“Why exactly are you bringing your wand?”

“C’mon, you know I never go anywhere without it. Besides, you’re bringing an axe”

Yellow looks at his tomahawk and snickers.

“C’mon, you know I never go anywhere without it” mocks Yellow

Blue rolls his eyes.

“Now that I think about this, I’m having doubts” says Blue to Luigi

“Why is that?” asks Luigi

“Well, E Gadd is smart and all, but he has bad luck with his inventions. They’re always breaking or catching on fire or imploding”

Before Luigi can reply E Gadd walks in wearing his lab coat over a safari outfit and carrying a backpack almost as big as him. He giggles like a child in a candy shop as he bounces down the steps. When he’s at the bottom of the stairs he waves and the group returns the favor.

“How’severybodydoingareyouexcitedI’mexcited!” says E Gadd energetically

“Relax, E Gadd” says Luigi

“Right…relax…Okay I’m relaxed! Who’s ready to go!?”

Everyone raises their hand and E Gadd’s smile stretches from one ear to the other as he rubs his hands together.

“Excellent!” says E Gadd gleefully “We’ll begin right…what the heck are you carrying?”

Yellow holds up his axe proudly.

“I’m taking my axe with me” says Yellow

“No! You can’t bring weapons to Equestria!” says E Gadd horrifyingly

“Why not?”

“It’s a peaceful place of lovable ponies and they will feel threatened if you bring any weapon with you. And that means no wands either, Blue”

“But-but this a gift from my daddy!” whines Blue

“No ‘buts’ or ‘butts’ about it. No weapons!”

“But you said there were dragons and other evil things there” says Yellow angrily

“Can we at least bring Power-Ups?” asks Blue

“We are going there strictly for observance; so nothing along the lines of wands, axes, hammers or Power-Ups”

As soon as E Gadd mentions “hammers” Luigi tosses his hammer away and whistles innocently. E Gadd waits patiently as Blue and Yellow lay down their weapons and after doing so he smiles and pulls down a large lever on his wall. The wall groans and grinds against steel as it slides to the side, revealing a large hangar that leads to a clear opening outside; it also has an enormous star-shaped craft parked in the middle. The craft is not only shaped like a star, but on the (what is presumed to be) back are three jet engines, and there is a giant glass dome showing off the cockpit, and it is also painted yellow with “Transdimensionaljumpingatron 9000” painted in black letters. On the bottom of the name is another set of letters; these ones are pink and say “Parts supplied by PP’s Deliveries” and next to the pink letters are three balloons (two blue, and one yellow).

“Transdimensionaljumpingatron Nine Thousand is a beauty isn’t she?” says E Gadd proudly “She has the capabilities of traveling between dimensions using power generated from a Starman and a miniature Shaw-Fujikawa Trans-light Engine from the Halo Dimension. I put all my life’s savings into her and also took out a nine hundred thousand gold coin loan from Big City Bank”

The group’s jaws drop.

“She’s capable of holding up to a dozen passengers comfortably and the interior is carpeted and each seat is an ejection seat, just in case something bad happens. I got the seats from the Double-Oh Seven Dimension. They have amazing seats. Did I mention Dimension Hopping is fun? Of course I did!”

Luigi look at E Gadd with some concern.

“What did you mean when you ‘in case something bad happens’” says Luigi inquiringly

“Well you do know that despite my best efforts, sometimes bad things just happen” says E Gadd casually

“That’s it, I’m leaving” says Blue

Blue turns around to leave, but Yellow stops him by stepping in front of him.

“Hold on, a second, you aren’t chickening out are you?” says Yellow with a devilish grin

“N-no of course not!” says Blue uneasily “But-”

“Oh that’s a relief; I thought my brother was a coward for a second”

Yellow puts his arm around Blue’s shoulder and forcefully escorts him to the ship while sarcastically explaining all the fun they will have by talking to talking ponies.

***

Luigi climbs into a seat that looks strangely like an easy chair complete with a cup holder and a massage setting. Luigi plays with it a bit and reclines as far as it can go while having the massage setting at max.

“W-w-w-w-w-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w” says Luigi blissfully

Blue takes a seat next to Luigi and buckles himself in without paying any mind to Luigi. Luigi can barely understand what anyone is saying or what is going on over the vibration and the Godly relaxation he’s getting from the chair. He doesn’t notice everyone strapping themselves in and he doesn’t understand what E Gadd is saying over the intercom. He closes his eyes for a second, but within that second he feels the full force of the ship lurch forward. Luigi screams and watches in a mix of horror and wonder as they rocket through the atmosphere. Basically everyone is screaming in the ship, the only one who isn’t is E Gadd. He’s laughing like a maniac

E Gadd slams his hand on a red button labeled “Do Not Push Unless You’re Insane” and the ship’s speed increases tenfold and pushes everyone back in their seats so hard that they can’t move. A few seconds later, there is an intense, crazy and brilliant show of lights that could give anyone a seizure if they stare at it too long appears.

‘So this is what it’s like to trip out on acid’ thinks Luigi while drooling like a brain dead fool

“Wow!” laughs Blue “And here I was, about to say nothing can go wrong, but sarcastically! But-but this is amazing, E Gadd! Now I mean it when I absolutely nothing can go wrong!”

“That’s right, Blue,” says E Gadd “me and Tails built this baby together! If anyone can build anything to last, it’s Tails! So nothing can or will go wrong! Viva la science!”

The group cheers and struggles to do a fist pump, but the give up and stick with cheering. As quickly as the lightshow began, it ended and is replaced with a natural utopia. The sky is as blue as it can get, the clouds white and fluffy (and without faces, which is a huge plus for Luigi), and the beautiful white tipped mountains act like a natural wall to a lush valley below. Luigi puts his chair in the sitting position and looks out the window. He spots a city being overlooked a giant white castle built into a mountain and other villages here and there with two large forests near the mountains. One looks like a creepy haunted forest where light somehow hides from it, and the other looks like a pleasant forest from a children’s book. Smack in the middle of the area between both forests is another small town that they fly directly over.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Equestria” says E Gadd theatrically

The group cheers once more and this time they are able to do a group fist pump. And as the group celebrates a warning light blinks on the control panel and E Gadd looks at it with minimal concern.

“What’s this about?” asks E Gadd to himself

“When do we get to meet your friend?” asks Blue, completely unaware of what E Gadd had seen

E Gadd checks the ship and his minimal concern turns into a major concern. Luigi instantly spots the shift in E Gadd’s demeanor and gets a knot in his stomach. But he tries to convince himself that it’s nothing. They are in a ship built by E Gadd and Tails. Then Luigi remembers what Blue said before they left.

“Well, E Gadd is smart and all, but he has bad luck with his inventions. They’re always breaking or catching on fire or imploding”

Luigi gulps and silently prays that the ship does not implode.

“Oh…well that’s not good” mumbles E Gadd

He turns to his passengers and puts on a brave smile. Now Luigi knows, without a shred of doubt in his mind, that something is wrong.

‘Please don’t let us implode’ prays Luigi

“Passengers of the Transdimensionaljumpingatron Nine Thousand, I’m afraid we’re going to have to eject” says E Gadd

“Why?” asks Blue

Suddenly, a giant fireball erupts from one of the ship’s stubby wings and everyone screams in horror.

“Holy shit!” shrieks Yellow as an explosion tears through the wall next to him, showering him with small chunks of metal and wires

“Oh my God! I’m too young to die!” sobs Blue

The glass dome that covers the main part of the ship pops off and the rushing wind creates a deafening howl. The wind is also quick to dry out Luigi’s eyes, which makes him close his eyes. He can barely hear the passengers eject, but he’s certain he heard Yellow shout something like “Screw you guys! I’m outta here!” before launching himself out of the doomed vessel.

Luigi opens his eyes for a brief moment and sees that it’s just him and Blue. They look at each other and yank the ejection levers on their seats, and rocket away. The ship explodes into a fireball ten seconds flat afterwards. The burning vessel, now a skeleton of what it once was, plummets down towards an apple farm and skids across the field, leaving a gash of burnt dirt and grass, until it crashes into a barn. Half the barn collapses as soon as the ship hits it.

Luigi cringes and hopes that no one was in that barn, but his concerns go back to him and Blue when he realizes that the seats have sprouted little boosters and stubby wings, and are flying straight into the creepy forest. When a pair of joystick slide out of the arms of the chair Luigi desperately tries to control the seat but he quickly figures out that he’s handicapped in the art of piloting ejection seats and crashes into Blue. Both of them scream in terror as they spin out of control and crash into the forest.

+++++

In the Everfree Forest…

Fluttershy is closely, yet nervously, following a trail of burnt ground. Originally she had been searching the forest for Daisy, who had disappeared the night before. They found her basket in Whitetail Wood and a sign of struggle, including horrible slashes on the trees, but no Daisy. All abled ponies of Ponyville had been searching for her nonstop, but things have been looking grim. Despite all the magic used, and the eyes and ground the Weather Patrol had and covered, there was still no sign of her. Even Pinkie Pie, the one mare that can find anypony or anything, can’t seem to find her!

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had volunteered to go into the Everfree Forest to recruit Zecora’s help and (if possible) find Daisy, but something happened where a strange something-or-other appeared out of the sky, exploded, and crashed into the Apple Family’s barn. Fluttershy insisted that Rainbow Dash help Applejack and Big Mac clean up the mess while she goes to Zecora herself. Sure she was nervous at first, but she kept on reminding herself that if she can stare down a Cockatrice and a dragon she can handle anything in the forest. That has helped her gain some confidence.  However, when she saw two objects fall from the sky, she completely forgot about Zecora and went on to investigate.

As Fluttershy carefully trots along edge of the burnt ground, she flaps her wings and lifts herself up slightly, but in her nervous “Why-the-hay-am-I-doing-this?” state, she just can’t muster enough wing power to keep herself up for long. So she’s half walking and half flying, like the chickens at her cabin. She gasps and takes a step back when she sees an empty smoking, mangled mechanical chair buried in the ground. The chair is sparking and a small engine on the back is still sputtering out oily black smoke. She gulps, walks over to it and lightly taps the seat with her hoof. Something clicks and it begins vibrating.

[“Massage Mode Activated. Prepare for pleasure, Occupant!]” says a mechanical voice in a threatening tone

Fluttershy squeaks and stumbles back as the vibration gets more and more intense. Soon the whole chair is shaking violently and more sparks and parts shoot out, and to Fluttershy’s horror, the chair looks like it’s eating itself! The chair folds inwards and the materials inside groan and snap, and some pop out of place. One of the pieces that fly’s out hits Fluttershy in the nose, causing her to squeak and jump back even farther. Within a matter of seconds, the chair is nothing more than a jumbled mess rolled into a ball.

“[This way, Blue!]” shouts an alien

“[You’re going too fast, Luigi!]” complains another alien

“Oh no” whispers Fluttershy horrifyingly

Her eyes dark around for any clear sign of escape, or at least get an idea where the aliens are coming from. But it seems like the aliens are everywhere! The snapping twigs and chatter are all over the place. Fluttershy feels like her heart’s going to burst out of her chest at any moment. To her, her heartbeats sound like jumbo sized drums and she’s sure that everypony, or everything, can hear them.

“[Jeeze, going through this forest is like a maze]” says the second alien

“[I think we’re going in circles]” says the first one

“[Maybe if we go this way]”

Fluttershy eagerly paces in circles, trying to figure out which way to go. She’s certain that they are circling her on purpose, to trap her and possibly…eat her. Fluttershy shudders at the thought of being a meal, and now that she thinks about it, in the most inconvenient of times, Applejack did find a strange rectangular vehicle of some sort near the scene of the struggle. These aliens must have had something to do with Daisy’s disappearance! Maybe they ate her!

‘Oh no! I’m a dead mare!’  cries Fluttershy’s thoughts

Fluttershy bites back her whimpers and feels thick streams of tears roll down her cheeks. She knew she should’ve gone with Rainbow Dash to help. But no! She had to prove how assertive she was and because of that she’ll become someone’s stew. And once she’s stew, who’s going to warn the others ponies or Zecora of the carnivorous invaders!

“[Hey, I see something, Luigi]” says the second alien

“[Shush, we don’t want to scare it]” says the first alien

Fluttershy instantly becomes petrified when she feels eyes on her. She tries to keep calm and think of a way out. But between her raspy hyperventilating and the thought of being turned into stew, she can’t come up with anything.

“[Do you think it’s friendly?]” asks the second alien

‘I wonder what they will eat first’ thinks Fluttershy glumly as she sits down ‘My wings? Pegasus Wing Stew‘

“[Only one way to find out]” says the first alien

‘Wings…I have wings!’

Fluttershy softly flaps wings and as she listens the bush behind her move and the alien approach her, slowly. Just like a hunter.

‘I can fly! I will *not** become stew!*’

“[Hello]” says the approaching alien

Fluttershy screams and uses all of her might and willpower to fly away. She can feel her fear melt away as she gets closer and closer to the freedom of the open sky. But then her back hoof somehow gets tangled in a random vine and she’s yanked down. She yelps and falls down, and bounces off seemingly all of the branches of the tree she fell into. After getting a beating from all the branches she hit, she finally lands basically back in her original spot, face first.

“[Oh my God! Are you okay!]” says the first alien

She groans and looks up and sees a tall, bipedal alien wearing a thick green sweater underneath overalls, and he also has white gloves, boots (or was it shoes? Fluttershy can’t tell since most of it is hidden underneath the legs of the overall), and a green hat with a white circle that has a green “L” in the middle. And to finish it off, it appears he doesn’t have much hair covering his body but makes it up by having an epic mustache covering most of his lower face. But she doesn’t see a killer in his eyes, rather a genuinely concerned alien looking down at her. The alien stretches out his arms to help her up. Fluttershy lets the strange alien help her up and she smiles shyly while hiding behind her enormous pink mane. The tall alien smiles and kneels down at her level.

“[Dawww, isn’t that cute]” says the tall alien while smiling kindly

While Fluttershy stares at the creature, she can’t help but wonder if he’s some kind of reptile due to his lack of hair and the large amount of clothing he’s wearing, since reptiles need help staying warm due to their cold blooded genetics.

“[Is it friendly, Luigi?]” asks the second alien (still obscure from view)

“[More than friendly. She’s adorable]” says the tall alien

The alien, whom Fluttershy is guessing is ‘Luigi’, gently stretches out his hand and strokes her chin. He seems to like it, but Fluttershy loves the feel of the gloves scratching against her coat and actually leans forward without realizing it. When Fluttershy hears the second alien come out of cover and walk up to them she opens her eyes expecting to see another one similar to Luigi. But what she sees instead stumps her. She’s seen some weird things in her life, but this one is put in the top five. (Discord will always be Number One in her book)

The other alien is barely half the size of Luigi, and it looks like a sentient mushroom being of some kind. It’s wearing a blue vest and thick blue pants, has blue spots on the large puffy part of its head.

“[Does it have a name?]” asks the second alien

“[I don’t know, Blue]” says Luigi while scratching his head

Luigi points at himself.

“[I am Luigi]”

Luigi points at Blue.

“[That is Blue]”

He points at himself and Blue at the same time.

“[We are friends]”

He points at Fluttershy.

“[What is your name?]”

Fluttershy points at Luigi.

“Luigi” says Fluttershy quietly

Luigi’s eyes widen and Blue cocks his head. And then Fluttershy points at Blue.

“Blue” says Fluttershy quietly, and nervously, something about the mushroom headed creature is just unnerving to her

Luigi laughs and nods and says something that sounds like a praise, which makes Fluttershy smile. But when the mushroom alien, Blue, approaches her, she starts shaking.

“[What is your name? Name…Naaaaaaaammmmmmm-uh]” says Blue

“[Dang it, Blue, you’re acting like your brother!]” says Luigi irritably

Fluttershy trembles and hides behind her mane and desperately wants to fly away. But when she flaps her wings she feels a sharp pain surge throughout her right wing that is strong enough to make her slump and cry softly. Fluttershy makes no attempt to resist as Luigi inspects her wing, he doesn’t seem like the kind of creature that would eat a pony.

When Luigi sighs though, she gets an uneasy feeling on top of the pain she’s in.

“[I’m not a vet or anything, but I’m pretty sure your wing is broken…or at least sprained]” says Luigi

“[If only Mario was here, he’d know for sure]” says Blue

Luigi shoots Blue a dirty glare, which makes Blue shrink back. Fluttershy wonders what Blue had said to make his superior (?) give him that stern look. But Blue quickly recovers from the glare and pulls out a wand with a small star at the end. It kind of reminds Fluttershy of the wand on Trixie’s cutie mark.

“[Blue…what are you doing with that?]” asks Luigi angrily

“[I can fix her wing in no time. It’s a spell I’ve been practicing on Yellow]” says Blue reassuringly

“[You’ve been practicing spells on your brother?]”

“[Well yeah, he’s got no job and no hope, so I’m giving him a purpose by making him my lab rat]”

Fluttershy really wishes she could understand what they are saying.

“[This spell, effectively forces all of the alcohol and tar out of his system. It’s painful, but effective]” continues Blue

“[Broken bones do not equal alcohol poisoning or lung cancer, Blue!]” says Luigi crossly

He sounds really angry and annoyed this time, which makes Fluttershy worry even more. She backs up slowly as Blue aims his wand at her. Luigi points at Blue threateningly.

“[Blue, don’t you dare]” says Luigi threateningly

“[I just have to focus the energy on mending instead of expelling. They are both healing spells after all]” says Blue desperately

“[Blue…]”

Fluttershy’s eyes widen when the wand glows a bright blue. She prays to Celestia that Rainbow Dash will swoop in and save her, or that Luigi can talk some sense into Blue.

“[FUS RAH DAH!!!]” yells the mushroom headed man

“[NO!]” screams Luigi

Luigi tries to stop Blue, but he’s too late, a blue octagon shoots out from Blue’s wand and strikes Fluttershy in the chest and she feels an intense shock ripple throughout her body as well as feeling herself go airborne before blacking out a second later.

***

Luigi stares horrified at the light yellow pegasus’s stiff, smoking body; the blast from Blue’s wand had blown the adorable creature off of its hooves and into the tree behind it, rendering her unconscious (probably dead). Luigi’s eye twitches and Blue laughs nervously while putting his wand away. The world around Luigi disappears as he continues to stare at the creature. It seemed so cute and harmless...so adorable. Nothing could justify the horrendous action perpetrated by Blue.

“Oops” whispers Blue

Luigi snaps.

“You shot it!” cries Luigi

Blue cowers.

“E Gadd said no weapons and what do you do!? You bring a wand!” screams Luigi

“Uh…”

“What spell did you use!?”

“What do you mean ‘what spell did you use?’!?”

“What was that thing you said!?”

“’Fus Rah Dah’?”

“Yes!”

“That’s the spell I use on Yellow to de-toxicate him!”

Luigi screams and practically rips his ears off as he paces in circles and says “Ohmanohmanohman” over and over again.

“Does it have a tag?” asks Blue Dude

“It’s a flying horse! Who owns flying horses!” snaps Luigi

“Well I’m just saying that maybe it has an owner. I mean it looks well groomed and it kinda smelled like…strawberries?”

“Blue, please shut up and let me think”

Blue walks over to Fluttershy to check on her but Luigi runs in front of him and puts his hand out like a police officer would when ordering someone to halt.

“No! You’ve done enough damage already” says Luigi harshly

“I just want to see if it’s okay” says Blue sadly

“If anyone is going to see if any adorable Pegasuses are okay it’ll be me”

“’Pegasi’”

“What?”

“’Pegasi’, it’s plural for ‘Pegasus’. You wouldn’t say…um…”

“’Chineses’?”

“I don’t know what a ‘Chinese’ is, but I guess that works”

Luigi yanks a branch off of one of the eerie trees and approaches Fluttershy.

“What are you going to do?” asks Blue

“The only thing I can do” answers Luigi grimly “The Stick Test”

Luigi pokes Fluttershy in the side with his stick.

No response.

Luigi frowns and pokes Fluttershy all over the place; her mane, tail, face, nose, inside her ear, hooves, legs, stomach, he even takes the time to poke each of her butterflies, hoping that those marks would be ticklish or something.  But nothing generates a response.

Luigi kneels down and pokes Fluttershy one more time in the face. And just like the dozen other attempts, there isn’t a response. Luigi stands up and looks at Blue with a mix of sadness and anger.

“Congratulations Blue. You killed a Pegasus” says Luigi

Suddenly, another Pegasus rams Luigi in the back and while he bounces across the ground the same Pegasus bucks Blue and sends him flying into a tree. It takes him a couple of seconds to fall down, due to all the branches, and when he does land, he lands on his head with loose leaves and branches falling around him.

Luigi shakes the stars out of his eyes and sees his assailant. The Pegasus has a light blue coat, rainbow colored mane and tail, and a design made up of a cloud with a red, yellow, and blue lightning bolt coming out it on its flank. The Pegasus’s nostrils are flaring as it approaches him, and despite its colorful appearance, he gets the feeling that he’d rather have a showdown with Bowser or Waluigi than this thing. The Pegasus charges him and Luigi braces himself for impact.

“Gay Pride Pegasus heading your way!” shouts Blue

Luigi tries to block the Pegasus, but he proved to be too slow and gets a pair of hooves to the gut that knocks him on his butt, and also pushes all the air out of his lungs. Luigi coughs and gags as he tries to stand up with one hand over his gut; his attempt is a bit tipsy at first, but when he feels his assailant jump on his back and bite him he shrieks, jumps to his feet and runs in circles while yelling “Get it off! Get it off!”

“Rabid horse!” screams Blue while swan diving to cover behind a bush

Luigi screams hysterically as he desperately tries to get the blue Pegasus off of his back. But with the noise from the wings flapping at insane speeds, the blue feathers clouding his vision, and the pain from the teeth in his shoulder, he can’t think straight.

“I think it thinks you killed its mate!” hollers Blue from the safety of his bush

Luigi is finally able to grab the angry Pegasus’s front hooves and swing it over his head and slam it on the ground. The winged pony stops moving and its eyes close and its tongue rolls comically out of its mouth. Luigi breathes a sigh of relief and then raises his fists in the air while screaming victoriously. Blue also cheers and runs out from his cover and high fives Luigi.

“Yeah we did it!” cheers Blue

Luigi’s grin is instantly replaced with a scowl.

“You didn’t do jack shit” sneers Luigi

***

Rainbow Dash keeps her eyes closed and tongue hanging out, as far as she can tell, the two freakish things that attacked Fluttershy think she’s dead. And she’s certain that the tall one will be too difficult to take on head on. So the only option she sees is another surprise attack. Let them think she’s dead and strike when they least expect it.

“[I gave you morale boosts!]” says Blue defensively

“[Bullshit! That’s pure! Ugly! Bullshit!]” screams Luigi

“[You don’t have to use such harsh language, Luigi]”

“[First, E Gadd’s thingamajig explodes; then you killed a Pegasus; and then I’m attacked by another Pegasus, and to top it off, we’re alone in another dimension! I have a right to use harsh language!]”

Rainbow Dash knows those two are having a heated argument just by the tone of their voices, but she really wishes that they would move!

‘C’mon, move already!’ screams Rainbow Dash thoughts

She can’t sit still much longer and twitches a little bit, but they didn’t appear to notice.

“[Did you kill it?]” asks Blue

“[Don’t know. Don’t care. I’m leaving]” replies Luigi

“[W-Wait for me!]”

Rainbow Dash hears them walking away and she quietly rolls on her stomach and watches the two aliens walk away. Her eyes narrow and she blows hot air out of her nose and prepares herself for a charge.

“Show time” whispers Rainbow Dash evilly

Rainbow Dash whistles and Luigi and Blue turn around almost instantly and both of their eyes widen and they pale from sheer horror. Rainbow Dash launches herself towards Luigi and tackles him dead in the center. Luigi screams “[Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueee!!!]” as Rainbow Dash carries him into the sky. Rainbow Dash flaps her wings harder as she carries Luigi through the clouds and when they are a good three hundred feet or so in the air, Rainbow Dash zooms out from under Luigi and then pushes down on his back with her fore hooves.  Luigi’s high pitched scream mixes with the wind rushing past her ears and with precise calculations she pulls up before hitting the ground…without Luigi. Luigi hits the ground and creates a rainbow colored mushroom cloud that flings dirt, grass, and chunks of other things into the sky.

Rainbow Dash does a few twists and turns and spirals to mostly show off her skill, but to also slow herself down. She stops directly above the crater and pounds her hooves against her chest like an ape and then points at Luigi.

“That’s for Fluttershy!” yells Rainbow Dash

“[Hey, Luigi, are you okay?]” asks Blue

Rainbow Dash turns to Blue and gets a glint of evil in her eyes.

‘It’s time to show the mushroom headed midget what happens when people mess with my friends’ thinks Rainbow Dash angrily

She swoops down and Blue screams and calls Luigi while trying to run for cover. Rainbow Dash, using her gift of extreme agility, weaves through the trees of Everfree forest and lands in front of Blue. Blue yelps and stumbles back. As Rainbow Dash approaches him, she purposefully stomps her hooves on the ground as hard as she can, as well as spread her wings at full length and flap them slowly to give them a menacing appearance. Blue looks easy enough, so why not toy with him first? (Revenge can be fun after all)

Blue yanks out his wand and aims it at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash stops walking and cocks her head.

“You’re kidding, right?” asks Rainbow Dash rhetorically

“[Back you devil!]” shouts Blue

A blue square is launched out of the wand and Rainbow Dash jumps over it in the nick of time. The square blows out a huge chunk of the tree behind it, covering the ground with burnt splinters.

“Is that the best you got?” snickers Rainbow Dash

Blue stammers incomprehensibly and launches a barrage of those explosive squares. Rainbow Dash dodges all of the squares and the explosions they made with ease. When Rainbow Dash dodges another square, it barely misses Fluttershy and that is when Rainbow Dash realizes that it was Blue who shot Fluttershy, not Luigi. She feels a new found rage boil inside her that demands blood and mentally kicks herself for wasting so much energy on the green one.

“You…you shot Fluttershy” says Rainbow Dash through gritted teeth

“[I-I don’t know what you’re saying]” says Blue shakily

To Rainbow Dash it looks like Blue is trying to negotiate, but there are no negotiations for anyone that hurts her friends, especially when the hurting is a murder.

“You murderer!”

“[I don’t speak horse!]”

Rainbow Dash screams a bloodthirsty scream and charges Blue. He shoots a square at her and she vaults over it and tackles him head on. They roll around on the ground for a few seconds and it ends with Rainbow Dash on top, and Blue in between her front hooves without his wand. Rainbow Dash brings her hooves up to crush Blue, but before she can bring them down she is hit in the chest with a thick log. She slides across the ground and comes to an abrupt halt when her head hits a tree. Rainbow Dash shakes the pain and stars away and when she regains her focus she sees Luigi bringing the log down on her head. She rolls out of the way and with a single buck, the log is reduced to large splinters. Rainbow Dash then skips around Luigi and kicks him in the back, causing his face to collide with the tree. He screams out something that Rainbow Dash can only guess is a swear word and he whirls around with his hands placed together like he’s getting ready to shoot something out of the palms of his hands and shouts “[Feel the wrath of Weegee, fiend!]”.

Rainbow Dash stares at Luigi and when nothing happens he looks to his side and mutters “[Crap]”.

Rainbow Dash kicks him into the tree and when he slumps to the ground, motionless, she moves in to beat Blue to a bloody, pulpy mess. She sees Blue frantically searching for his wand on his hands and knees and sobbing something under his breath. When he finds it he scampers as fast as he can to it and when he grabs it, Rainbow Dash stomps on his hand. He cries out in pain and he slowly looks up into Rainbow Dash’s murderous gaze.

“Now, you’re going to get it” threatens Rainbow Dash

Then she hears water trickling on the ground, followed closely by the smell of urine. She looks down and sees a puddle of urine rapidly growing beneath Blue. She wrinkles her nose and jumps back while putting a hoof over her nose.

“Oh man! That is not cool!” says Rainbow Dash irritably “Seriously not cool!”

“[Oh cut me some slack! I have a weak bladder!]” says Blue defensively

Then Luigi shouts something unintelligible and jumps on Rainbow Dash’s back. She immediately tries bucking him off, but he wraps his arms around her neck so tight that she can’t breathe well and it soon gets to the point where her lungs feel like they’re going to explode.

“[I’ve had enough of you, you stupid horse!]” roars Luigi

“[Pegasus]” corrects Blue

“[Shut up!]”

“Get off of me!” snarls Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash jumps and twists in the air so that she falls flat on her back. But Luigi does not budge, even when Rainbow Dash rolls around like a crazed pig in mud. Rainbow Dash flaps her wings furiously in a desperate attempt to faze Luigi, but it doesn’t work, it actually makes him tighten his grip. Luigi and Rainbow Dash continue their struggle and after a few awkward twists and turns for both parties, Rainbow Dash is somehow put into a Full Nelson.

“[Yeah! Full Nelson on a Pegasus!]” cheers Blue

“[Get outta here, Blue!]” yells Luigi

“[Hang on, I can help]”

Both, Rainbow Dash and Luigi’s eyes widen as the wand charges up. They both shout “No!” in unison, but Blue ignores them and shoots Rainbow Dash in the gut with a blue hexagon. The force of the hexagon knocks Blue off of his feet and launches Rainbow Dash and Luigi backwards in full force. To Rainbow Dash, it feels like someone had hit her with a cannon ball made of molten metal that exploded on her and the last thing she sees before blacking out is fire.

***

Luigi’s screaming is come to an abrupt end when he hits a rock wall. He hits the rock wall with enough force to get stuck in it and Rainbow Dash falls limp on the ground with black smoke rising off of her (her blue coat is seared and a most of her mane, tail, and feather have been burnt away). Normally Luigi would cry because of the amount of physical and mental pain he had endured, but not today. Today he’s too mad to even shed a tear. All he can do is glare at Blue as he cheerfully runs up to him stands on Rainbow Dash like how a hunter would pose on his recent kill for a photo. Behind Blue, Luigi can see a clear path made up of burnt and shattered trees and an enormous black streak of scorched earth with small flames dancing around in little pockets.

“Did you see that? Did you see what I did?” asks Blue joyfully with an even bigger grin “I destroyed that Pegasus! It was kicking your butt and everything! Oh man, I can’t wait to tell Yellow how awesome I was!”

“Blue…” says Luigi slowly

“Yes, Luigi”

“You’re covered in piss. Could only hit that thing when I had it in a Full Nelson. And I’m battered, bruised, mentally scarred for life, and stuck in a rock wall”

“Luigi, I can understand you’re a little upset. But I think we can agree that I played the most important role here”

Luigi’s eye twitches and with an enraged scream, he pulls himself out of his entrapment and tackles Blue.

Part 2-B

Part 2-B

+++++

At Sweet Apple Acres…

Applejack is staring at the phone booth Rex came in. When she had found it, it was sitting in the middle of Whitetail Wood without a soul in sight. The only sign that someone had been near it was Daisy’s basket, but she’s still missing and Applejack fears the worse might have happened. A while ago, some ponies went into White Tail Wood to find Daisy, but none of them have returned. Even a Pegasus from the Weather Patrol disappeared.

“That brings it up t’ six” says Applejack quietly to no pony in particular

Now Applejack and Big Mac have volunteered to help search for the missing ponies. Sure Applejack is scared out of her mind, considering it’s only been one day and already six ponies are missing, but she doesn’t know what worries her more. The fact that her group of friends has split up to find them, or that she has no idea what’s making the ponies disappear. She wants to say it’s a demon of some kind. But Twilight would laugh at that, and besides, demons don’t come in telephone booths. They are summoned by occult ceremonies.

Applejack snaps out of her thoughts when she hears Big Mac clear his throat. Applejack looks at Big Mac and tries to smile, but both of them know that the seriousness of the situation calls for anything but smiles, which is something Pinkie Pie has a hard time grasping. Applejack swears that the pink pony’s over-enthusiastic nature will get her in trouble one day.

“Are you ready t’ go?” asks Big Mac

“Yeah, just let me get mah stuff” replies Applejack

Applejack walks out of the barn towards her house with Big Mac at her side. Thankfully Apple Bloom and Granny Smith are visiting Braebun in Appleoosa for the week, so all she has to worry about is Big Mac, the farm, and whatever came out of that phone booth.

Both ponies stop walking and look up at the sky when they hear an explosion ring out. Applejack sees something flying in the distance with smoke trailing out of it, but she can’t really make out its shape. She squints to try to get a better sense of what the strange vehicle is, but less than a minute later, four objects pop out of it and the ship bursts into flames.  The burning object dips towards them and both ponies run out of the vehicle’s path.

Big Mac knocks Applejack to the ground and uses himself as a meat shield to cover Applejack as the burning wreckage digs into the ground and slides past them, straight into the barn. The vehicle breaks into the barn like a hot knife on butter, and a second later a fireball rolls out and flings chunks of burning debris all over Sweet Apple Acres. Half of the barn collapses into a burning mess and Applejack wiggles her way out from under her brother and watches helplessly as the barn burns. Her gaze moves from the ruins of her barn to the gash in the ground that was left behind by whatever fell out of the sky.  She doesn’t even notice that she’s covered in cinder, nor does she hear anything else except for the fires crackles and the wood groaning and collapsing on itself.

Suddenly, she feels a heavy hoof smack her on the back of the head, causing her Stetson to fall off.

“Snap out o’ it and get help!” orders Big Mac

Applejack looks at Big Mac and sees that he’s also covered in debris, and has a small amount of cuts on him, and has the hose at his hooves. Big Mac points to the town and repeats his order. Applejack nods, puts her Stetson on, and gallops away while Big Mac tries desperately to put out the inferno with the hose.

+++++

Somewhere Else…

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shiiiiiiiiiiit!” screams Yellow as his ejection seat spirals out of control

After ejecting from E Gadd’s ship, Yellow could’ve sworn that his brother went with him, but he was horribly mistaken. He’s certain that his brother didn’t eject, but a part of him tells himself that his brother will be okay. But when he sees E Gadd’s ship crash, and explode, in the barn he feels a lump shoot up in his throat and his head begins to swirl. There no way Blue could be dead. No way! He and his brother had traveled across the Mushroom World with the Mario Brothers to save Princess Peach and they’ve done other things, like Go-Karting, golfing, fencing, and good old fashioned sparring. Well, not Blue, the sparring was between him and the Mario Brothers. He feels a sudden mix of sadness and anger. Sure Blue had been a douche bag when it came to forcing all the alcohol and tar out of his body on more than one occasion (which was ridiculously painful), but he knew Blue did out of love and not because he didn’t have any other lab rats to test his spells on.

“No, nonononono! No! He can’t be dead!” cries Yellow

He clenches his fists and looks up at the nearly cloudless sky and curses at whatever high power might be “watching” over him.

“Well this is just fantastic!” yells Yellow to the heavens “Is this some kinda joke you sick bastards! Was this revenge for me forcing Blue to go?”

Before Yellow can finish his tangent, a sparking orb appears about fifty feet above him and not even a hundred feet away. The orb rapidly expands and out of that orb, a metallic zeppelin pokes its nose out and bullies its way out of the portal. Yellow’s jaw drops and swears that if that is one of Bowser’s ships there will be Hell to pay.

The zeppelin keeps sliding out of the vortex and when it’s completely out, the vortex disappears. To Yellow, it looks like a steam-punk zeppelin that has to be at least 1000 feet long. The cylinder is covered in metal sheets and the back has four fins, each facing a different direction like a basic compass. In between the fins are turbine engines that gradually push the ship forward and leave a trail of glittering clouds. Underneath the cylinder is the area where the passengers reside, and it has to be at least four stories tall and is almost the length of the whole zeppelin (its around 800 feet in length). Needless to say, the ship is ridiculously big and the only reason that Yellow doesn’t accuse the ship of being one of Bowser’s airships is because there is a giant, eloquent sun painted on the cylinder and the ship itself is painted in a base of white with gold decorations all along its hull.

Yellow is speechless, but that quickly changes when the ship trudges past him and the glittering clouds shut off all the electronics on the seat by merely touching it. The clouds also made Yellow’s skin tingle, but not in a good way, it’s like someone had rubbed sparking thorns over his skin. After the odd sensation passes, Yellow feels himself glide along the air casually, but then he feels himself dipping and falling dangerously fast towards the lake. Yellow swears and hopelessly tries to get the ejection seat to turn on again. But after seeing that he’ll be making a hard landing he closes his eyes and prepares for a world of hurt.

+++++

Back at Sweet Apple Acres…

Applejack jumps the fence to Sweet Apple Acres and runs to Big Mac with a dozen ponies trailing her. She sees Rainbow Dash’s rainbow colored trail flying from the barn and into the Everfree Forest. This puzzles Applejack since Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy volunteered to go into the Everfree Forest to recruit Zecora for the search and left over an hour ago. As for the raging fire, Big Mac’s attempts have been futile. It actually appears to have grown larger. Big Mac orders the ponies to dig a deep ditch around the barn to quarantine the fire and the ponies go to work immediately.

“Big Mac, what was Dash doing here?” asks Applejack, having to raise her voice because of the fires roaring

“Miss Dash came to see if we needed any help, but left Miss Shy in Everfree alone” replies Big Mac irritably

“What! Now why would she do that?”

Big Mac doesn’t answer; instead he goes back to spraying the fire. Applejack takes this as a hint and goes to help the ponies dig the ditch. While they are digging, a shadow falls on the whole farm and everyone looks up and their jaws drop at the sight of an enormous zeppelin gliding over their head. The zeppelin stops and hovers directly over the barn.

“CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE!” blares an intercom from the ship “PLEASE REMAIN CALM! THE EQUESTRIAN GOVERNMENT IS HERE TO ASSIST YOU!”

“What the hay is that?” mutters Applejack

The bottom opens up and a dozen Pegasi gracefully fly down carrying carts filled with earth ponies and dozens unicorns teleport on the ground around the barn. But they aren’t dressed as royal guards; they are wearing dark suits and sunglasses, and looking too stern for their own good. One of the unicorns picks up Big Mac and his hose with telekinetic energy and carries him away from the fire. Big Mac flails in the air as panic sets in from being lifted a dozen or so feet off the ground. When he is lowered on the ground, outside of the ditch-in-making, the unicorn that picked up Big Mac turns to the other unicorns. The unicorns nod in unison, aim their horns at the fire and shoot out a beam from their horns that form a bubble around the fire. The fire gets trapped inside the bubble and a few minutes later, it disappears, leaving only a charred barn in its wake. The unicorns drop the bubble shield and thick smoke pours all over the farm, making the residents cough and hack because of the burning feeling in their lungs, but the new comers remain stoic.

“Very good, mares and gentlecolts” says a stallion with a Manehatten accent

The unicorns reply with a nod and step out of the way to let an earth pony with a brown coat and a curly black mane, with a cutie mark consisting of a cloth wrapped around a knife, pass through to inspect the barn. He’s wearing a suit like the others, but he isn’t wearing any sunglasses so his green eyes aren’t obscured from view.

The earth pony nods approvingly and then looks at the crowd. While he’s scanning the crowd, the ponies brought in the carts dragged by the Pegasi begin demolishing what’s left of the barn and collecting pieces from the crash site while the unicorns and Pegasi scatter to patrol the farm.

“Would Applejack and Big Macintosh step forward please!” booms the stallion

Applejack and Big Mac step forward and the pony smiles at both of them, especially at Applejack. Applejack notices the subtle difference in his smile and takes a step back while scrutinizing him for any sign that he might try to hit on her. The stallion steps forward and puts his hoof to his chest.

“Applejack, Big Macintosh, my name is Agent Hush-Hush. I am with Sector Fifty Two” says Hush-Hush

“Never heard of it” blurts Applejack

“Never will”

Applejack looks at Big Mac and he shrugs since he has no response Hush-Hush’s odd reply. The ponies that Applejack brought are being escorted off of the property by a few unicorns and Pegasi. Hush-Hush paces in circles around Big Mac and Applejack; Applejack guesses he’s trying to be intimidating, but he’s coming off as annoying more than anything else. It also crosses her mind that he’s checking her out since his pacing slows around her.

‘Pervert’ grumbles Applejack’s thoughts

“I understand that this farm has been in your family since the founding of Ponyville” says Hush-Hush casually

“Yes sir, it has” says Applejack as politely as she can

“And Granny Smith and Apple Bloom are visiting your cousin in Appleoosa, correct?”

“They’ll be back by Friday”

Hush-Hush stops pacing when he’s in front of Applejack, smiles and stands uncomfortably close to her. Big Mac glares at Hush-Hush and makes a mental note to buck him in the mouth if he makes a move on his sister.

“No they won’t. They’ll be relocated, just like you and your brother, accordingly” says Hush-Hush

“Now what in tarnation is that supposed to mean!” yells Applejack

“Take a guess, sweet cheeks”

Big Mac steps in between Applejack and Hush-Hush and points at the gate leading out of the farm.

“Get off our property and take your ponies with you” orders Big Mac

Hush-Hush chuckles and says “This is too good” under his breath before looking Big Mac in the eyes with a new found sense of seriousness, and even a hint of a threatening glint.

“I hate to burst your bubble, Big Macintosh, but under Section Fifty One of the Rosewell Protocol, Sweet Apple Acres is now under complete control of the state” says Hush-Hush harshly

Before Big Mac can respond, a Pegasus mare lands next to Hush-Hush and whispers something in his ear that makes the stallion’s sudden sternness become even more hardened.

“Bring them back to Canterlot for treatment, evacuate the zebra, and double the search party” says Hush-Hush

The Pegasus salutes and flies away. Hush-Hush watches the Pegasus fly out of sight before turning his attention to Big Mac and Applejack. Applejack knows something bad had happened and she’s silently praying to Celestia that it wasn’t Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy that need to be taken to Canterlot.

“Pack your gear and get off of our property” says Hush-Hush while waving his hoof at them

“N-now hold on a second,” stammers Applejack “what’s going on? Who needs to be brought for treatment?”

“In a moment it will be both of you if you don’t leave”

“Do not threaten my sister!” says Big Mac aggressively

Big Mac and Hush-Hush butt heads and despite Big Mac being a head and a half taller than Hush-Hush, the agent isn’t fazed. He actually looks amused and slightly pushes up against Big Mac, which Big Mac responds by pushing down on Hush-Hush, this makes the agent bend down slightly. But he’s still smiling.

“Do you really want to risk hurting yourself, or your pretty little sister, Mackie?” asks Hush-Hush tauntingly

Big Mac and Applejack look around and see a dozen ponies made up of unicorns, earth ponies, and Pegasi surround them. The unicorns charge their horns, the Pegasi flap their wings steady and aim themselves at the farmers, and the earth ponies scrape their hooves across the ground like bulls ready to charge. Big Mac looks at Hush-Hush and sighs in defeat and then walks towards his house. Applejack trots after Big Mac, and briefly looks over her shoulder and sees Hush-Hush grinning. When he blows a kiss at her, she scoffs and hurries her pace.

One of the earth pony agents, a stallion, approaches Hush-Hush.

“Sir, what is our next move?” asks the agent

“Now we find whatever is lurking in our woods” says Hush-Hush dramatically

The stallion nods and gallops away while Hush-Hush remains in his spot, watching Big Mac and Applejack walk back to their house. More specifically, he’s focused on Applejack’s backside. He shakes his head and sighs dreamily.

“Ain’t no flank, like a country flank” chuckles Hush-Hush

***

Yellow climbs through the window of the rustic house near the crash site. After swimming out of the lake he had been running and evading those damn ponies nonstop.  It doesn’t help that his speed has been drastically reduced because of his soaking clothes weighing him down, and he had to ditch his gear lest he wanted to drown in a ridiculously clean lake. So he’s soaked, without equipment, is pretty sure his brother is dead, and for all he knows, he’s alone on a planet inhabited by intelligent ponies with anatomies of a television show for little girls. But he admits that the ponies in the suits strike him as the kind of ponies he doesn’t want to attack…directly.

“At least I’m safe in this house” says Yellow to himself

Yellow searches the kitchen for anything that he can use and finds the usual kitchenware.

‘Looks like I’ll be improvising’ thinks Yellow

Yellow snaps the head off of the broom, and then he grabs one of the knives in the drawer and uses duct tape, lots and lots of duct tape, to make a cheap spear. It didn’t take long, probably two minutes at most.

“’Don’t bring weapons’, E Gadd said. ‘They’ll feel threatened if we bring weapons’, E Gadd said” says Yellow quietly and irritably while testing the spear by waving it around

Yellow chuckles madly at the success of his crude weapon, and when he peeks out the window at the enormous zeppelin hovering over the farm he frowns.

“Yeah, because peaceful creatures fly around in those things” scoffs Yellow

Then he notices a pair of regular ponies walking up to the house, looking like they want to murder someone. The smallest, and without a doubt a female, has green eyes, an orange coat with a blonde tail and mane that have red bands tied around them; she’s also wearing a Stetson, which Yellow finds amusing. The other one, a huge stallion who looks like he’s been using steroids, also has green eyes like the mare next to him, a red coat, orange man and tail, and grayish hooves. He also has a yoke around his neck.

“Hmm…that big guy must be her slave” says Yellow quietly while stroking his chin

The mare briefly turns around and looks at another pony, and when she looks back she looks more ticked off than the time Yellow hid his mother’s tampons during her period. Yellow shudders at the memory of the unpleasant punishment that followed afterwards. Yellow quietly runs to the back, but has to duck for cover by pushing himself up against the sink when a couple of unicorns, both mares, in suits trot past the window. One of them stops to look inside, but resumes walking a second later. Yellow breathes a sigh of relief and relaxes, but when he hears the door get kicked open and slammed shut he tenses.

“[Ah don’t get! Since when did Princess Celestia seize land!]” says the mare angrily in a thick Southern accent

‘Oh shit…I’m in a hick’s house’ thinks Yellow dreadfully

Yellow remembers one of the most important rules his father told him before he left him and his mother for that hooker he picked up, and that rule is: Never, *EVER*, break into a hillbilly’s house. Doing so means instant death.

Yellow gulps and tries to sneak out, but curses under his breath when he sees the two unicorns from before making another pass.

“[AJ, whining won’t solve anything]” says a deep, also Southern accent, voice sternly “[We’ll have to go Canterlot to plead our case]”

“[You’ve talked more in the past hour than you did last year, Big Mac]” jokes the mare; she’s obviously trying to keep herself calm

Yellow peeks outside the window on the backdoor and sees the two unicorns are now sitting and looking right at him. They get up and cautiously approach the house, and Yellow grits his teeth and ducks back to find a way out. As he tries to sneak out of the kitchen the floorboard creaks under his foot and he freezes in place and the two ponies in the room stop talking immediately.

“[Wait here]” says the stallion

Yellow cringes and prepares for a fight. When the back door opens behind him and a unicorn steps in with her horn glowing, Yellow, acting out of pure reflex, whirls around and slices her cheek. She yelps and jumps back while discharging a spell. The spell barely misses Yellow and blows apart the cabinets behind him. The red stallion, Big Mac, jumps into the kitchen and charges Yellow with minimal hesitation. Yellow rolls out of the way and tries to stab Big Mac with his crappy spear. His blade slices past Big Mac’s leg and leaves a nasty cut. Big Mac doesn’t seem fazed though, and head-butts Yellow. Yellow flies off of his feet and takes a trio of hits. First, he hits his back on the ceiling, and then he lands on his face on the table, and then one of the legs on the table breaks, causing it to fall over and for Yellow to roll off it and land on his back on the floor. Big Mac kicks the crude spear away and marches towards Yellow as he blows hot air out of his nostrils.

“That hurt” groans Yellow

Yellow stands up, cracks his back and the glares at Big Mac while putting his fists up.

“You have no clue who I am, do you?” sneers Yellow

Big Mac’s hoof scratches across floor in preparation to charge Yellow.

“I am Yellow Dude!”  screams Yellow

Yellow makes a generic war cry and charges Big Mac. Big Mac also charges and Yellow jumps and lands on Big Mac’s face and holds on to his opponent’s ears. It’s like a rodeo in the confines of a kitchen. The red stallion jumps and bucks around, destroying everything he touches, and Yellow holds steadfast and tightens his grip on Big Mac’s ears while his stubby legs awkwardly kicks the stallion. Then, without any warning, Yellow feels a rope wrap around his waist and next thing he knows he’s tugged off of Big Mac and flies into the living room. As his world spins he sees, and feels, the mare bring her hoof down on his chest. Yellow instantly remembers the time he was nearly killed by a Thwomp.

“Damn you, Thwomp!” screams Yellow

He grabs the hoof and twists the mare, AJ, off. The mare bites back a cry and falls on her back. Yellow gives her a quick kick in the side before making a run to no direction in particular, as long as it’s away from the ponies from Hell. But his feet are covered in a green mist and are pulled out from under him. He lands on his face and is dragged across the floor towards the front door by this mist. He frantically grabs anything he can to keep himself inside, from the mare’s tail (which led to him getting a hoof to the face), to the coffee table, to the couch, a lamp, and finally the doorframe.

“[Get that thing!]” barks a stallion with an urban accent

“[I’m trying, Hush-Hush!]” whines a mare

One by one, Yellow’s fingers lose their grip, and when the last of his fingers slip away he’s hurled out of the house like a rock on a sling shot and hits the unicorn that dragged him out in the chest (this unicorn just happens to be the one he cut earlier). They fall to the ground in a tangled mess, and Yellow, not wanting to be caught in another trap, grabs the nearest rock and heaves it against the unicorn’s horn. The horn is almost completely snapped off with the first blow and the unicorn shrieks and thrashes violently on the ground as she sobs from the immense pain she’s in.

Yellow whirls around and throws the rock at another unicorn’s eye. She was too slow to dodge it or stop it, so the rock hits her directly in the eye and, like her partner, she collapses and screams painfully while trying to stop the bleeding with her hoof. Yellow looks at a brown stallion, he’s guessing it’s Hush-Hush, and flips him off before bolting away. Yellow laughs and looks over his shoulder and sees Hush-Hush is doing nothing but smiling.

“What the Hell?” says Yellow to himself

Then he’s blindsided by Big Mac. The oversized stallion rams Yellow in the side, causing him to go airborne and crash into an apple tree. Some of the leaves and apples are shaken loose and fall on Yellow’s head.  After the stars clear from his vision, he ignores the sharp pain that has consumed his entire body and picks up one of the apples that hit him the head and holds it like a weapon.

“I’ve fought more terrifying things than you” says Yellow boldly

Yellow screams and charges Big Mac with his apple, but before he can do anything, a rope goes around his arm and tugs him against the tree. As Yellow struggles to free himself, AJ runs laps around the tree and within a matter of seconds, Yellow is tied to the tree.

***

Applejack watches the yellow headed mushroom creature scream in its tongue and violently try to free itself (one of its methods includes biting at her rope). She gingerly rubs her hoof that the thing twisted, she’s sure that it’s sprained, but it’s nothing bed rest can’t handle. But when she sees the cut on Big Mac’s leg she cringes and tries to inspect it, but Big Mac pulls away.

“Big Mac, stop bein’ stubborn and let me see” says Applejack in a mix of annoyance and concern

“Nnope” says Big Mac

Hush-Hush applauds Big Mac and Applejack’s performance by stomping on the ground. After he’s done applauding he approaches the two farmers with a proud smile on his face.

“Well done, well done!” laughs Hush-Hush “You two should apply for Sector Fifty Two sometime. We can use ponies like you”

Applejack and Big Mac turn around and watch Hush-Hush walk towards them. Applejack has no reply to Hush-Hush’s statement, but she is worried about the two injured unicorns that are being evacuated to the zeppelin by Pegasi wearing nurse outfits.

“Are they going t’ be alright?” asks Applejack as she nods towards the injured unicorns

Hush-Hush looks at the unicorns and smiles reassuringly.

“They’ll be fine” says Hush-Hush

Hush-Hush looks at Applejack and Big Mac again.

“I’ll be sure to tell Celestia of your heroism,” continues Hush-Hush “but this incident will have to remain a secret”

“Why?” asks Applejack

“Ponies have a right to know what is going on” says Big Mac after stomping his hoof “Especially if there is an alien invasion of some kind”

“This is national security matters. Understand?”

“Nnope”

Hush-Hush chuckles and strokes the soil while trying to think of a reply.

“[This was a cheap victory and you know it!]” says the alien angrily

All three ponies look at him for a grand total of three seconds before looking at each other.

“Anyway,” says Hush-Hush grimly “the concept is quiet simple. This matter pertains to the safety of millions of ponies and non-ponies alike. Refusing to comply will lead to, oh how should I say this, harsh consequences”

“I don’t like the tone yer using” says Applejack as she narrows her eyes

“Oh, Miss Element of Honesty, I know it will be extremely difficult for you to keep your mouth shut”

Hush-Hush stands snout to snout with her, but she remains steadfast and becomes even more tense.

“But think of it like this,” continues Hush-Hush in a hostile whisper “where there is action, there is reaction. One word about what happened here and there is no telling how extensive – or extreme- our damage control will be”

Applejack’s ears droop and her steadfast demeanor melts into that off horror and worry. Hush-Hush smiles proudly at defeating Applejack with mere words and mockingly pats her on the cheek, which makes Big Mac take a threatening step forward.

“Take care, cutie” finishes Hush-Hush

“[Ooh, kinky]” says the alien

Hush-Hush rolls his eyes, he has no clue what the alien said, but judging by the tone it wasn’t appropriate. He turns around and orders a group of unicorns to take the alien away and he gives overly-detailed instructions on how to subdue the already subdued alien and how to properly transport it to a prison cart being carried by a pair of Pegasi. His instructions are met with grumbles and groans and uttered swear words. When the mushroom alien is locked away and carried towards the zeppelin Applejack and Big Mac head back to their house to pack up.

+++++

At Canterlot…

Crook and Hawker are sitting in a dingy, poorly lit room covered in slick goo of unknown origins. The beds are poorly made of hay, but thankfully they are off the ground, and the toilet is a hole that leads to a giant cesspool; it has a lid over it that does a fantastic job of keeping out the stench, though.

Crook sighs and brushes his hoof against the floor.

“This sucks” moans Crook

“Flim and Flam are not going to be happy about this” says Hawker disappointingly

“About us getting arrested or about us willing to talk for less time?”

“Both. But mostly about the talking thing”

“We’ll just give them outdated information and everything will be okay, right?”

“Do that, and the deal is voided” says Shining Armor

Both ponies jump to their feet and see Shining Armor glaring at them with two Royal Guard unicorns at his side. Crook runs up to the bars and goes in the praying position.

“Please, sir, we-I won’t give you outdated information! I can’t go back to Sing Song” begs Crook

Hawker slides next to Crook and goes into the same position.

“We were only joking about giving false information. Honest” says Hawker desperately

Shining Armor kneels down so that he is at their eye level; he’s also careful not to get his uniform or coat dirty.

“Now why should I trust you? I gave you the option to ease your punishment, but you plot behind my back to give me false information” says Shining Armor

“We-we were-we were joking” stutters Hawker

“Y-you can trust us” says Crook while trying to smile reassuringly

Shining Armor stands up and stares down at the two criminals with an acidic scowl.

“We’ll see” says Shining Armor ominously

Shining Armor leaves without another word and both colts watch Shining Armor disappear from view. When they hear the dungeon door slam shut they sulk in their spots, fearing that they just blew their only chances to get off easy.

***

Shining Armor marches in his extravagant, polished office and sits at his oak desk. He takes a moment to look at the stained glass windows that tell the tales of the group of ponies known as the “Mane 6”. He’s proud that his sister is part of that special group, and the leader no doubt, but he’s also slightly jealous. She seems to be having all the fun and whenever she writes to him its always something cute that makes him smile. Like Rainbow Dash practicing her Sonic Rainboom and crashing into Soarin, or Pinkie Pie starting her delivery business (which is freaky fast and reliable), or, his personal favorite, Fluttershy getting drunk and hitting on Big Mac. He doesn’t know Big Mac personally (he just knows he’s Applejack’s brother), but when he met Fluttershy she came off as the timid type that would freak out at the sight of her own shadow. But while his sister writes him all these good, heartwarming stories, he has nothing to tell her but gloom and doom stories about how things have spun out of control in Canterlot.  These are things his sister does not need to read. So he only writes about how things are between him and Cadence , which are far and few in between now, due to the chaos that has taken over the city.

Shining Armor sighs glumly and pulls out a folder and reads its contents. It is about the notorious Flim Flam Brothers. Originally businesscolts in the market for apple juice, but after a mishap at Sweet Apple Acres and a series of unfortunate events their little company became bankrupt and they went on the road to crime. The problem is that he knows full well that the Flim Flam Brothers are criminal moguls, but they are good at covering their tracks and the ponies that are captured are either too scared to talk, or too loyal to give up anything useful…or their information is just plain horrible.

Shining Armor closes the folder and looks at a photo of him, Twilight, and their parents sitting outside at a picnic. Then his eyes move to another photo of him, Cadence, and Twilight and her friends at his wedding. He smiles at how much fun he had at the wedding, despite its almost unimaginably horrible outcome.

“Knock-knock” says the voice of the love of his life

Shining Armor looks up and watches in loving wonder as Princess Cadence walks towards him with that angelic sway.

“Hello beautiful” says Shining Armor with a weary smile

“You’ve been working nonstop for almost two days. You need to rest. C’mon, let’s grab some lunch” says Cadence

Cadence wraps her wing around Shining Armor and gently removes him from his seat. Shining Armor follows his wife towards the exit of his office, but his mind subconsciously goes back to his work. He keeps thinking about the surge of crime and corruption, and this Mare-Do-Well character is not making his job any easier.

“We don’t need vigilantes” grumbles Shining Armor

Cadence stops walking and rests her neck on top of Shining Armor.

“Honey, please stop thinking about work for five minutes” whispers Cadence into Shining Armor’s ear

His ear flicks and he looks at Cadence sullenly.

“I’m sorry, Cadence, but I just can’t forget about my job” says Shining Armor in a tone he quickly regrets

A pained look crosses Cadence’s face, but it’s quickly replaced with pity. She understands that her husband is under a lot of stress and sees that he regrets using that tone.

“I’m sorry, Cadence” says Shining Armor sincerely

Shining Armor pulls away from Cadence and walks towards the stained glass. Despite the decorative colors on the window, he can faintly make out the city beyond the glass. His city. His home. His personal Heaven transformed into Hell in just a few years. Shining Armor also sees his reflection. His usual well-kept mane is now halfheartedly taken care of and he has thick bags under his eyes, and his shoulders are now drooped, not tall and proud. Then he notices Cadence looking at him sympathetically and he can’t stand to see her seeing him like this, but he can’t stop himself. He looks down and lightly paws at the marble floor.

“Do you believe in me?” asks Shining Armor

“What do you mean?” asks Cadence with a rightfully concerned tone

“Do you think I can bring this city back?”

Cadence walks to Shining Armor and gently rubs his back with her hoof while a supportive smile appears. Shining Armor looks into her eyes and sees genuine love and concern, and the thing he wants the most at this moment: belief.

“Of course I do” says Cadence softly

Then her supportive smile turns into a full grin that stretches across her face.

“I believe in Shining Armor” says Cadence theatrically as she puts her hoof to her chest

Shining Armor chuckles and brings his fore hooves around Cadence’s neck for a hug.

“That sounds like a cheesy political slogan” chuckles Shining Armor into his wife’s colorful mane

“I think it sounds  kinda cool” says Cadence lightheartedly

The two exchange a soft laugh and pull away from each other.

“So are you going to stop thinking about work for me?” asks Cadence

“Only for you” replies Shining Armor as he magically opens the door “So, what did you want for lunch?”

+++++

Back at E Gadd’s House…

Mario frantically pounds on E Gadd’s door, but gets no response. Wario and Waluigi are standing behind Mario, waiting impatiently for E Gadd to open the door. Wario has his arms folded across his chest and tapping his foot against the pavement impatiently while Waluigi is inspecting his fingernails like a snob from Peach’s Castle.

A minute of knocking later, Mario sighs and looks at Wario.

“He’s not answering” says Mario dishearteningly

“Then there is only one thing left to do” says Wario while cracking his knuckles “Waluigi, use your Kick of Doom and Gloom”

Waluigi stops inspecting his finger nails and flashes a toothy smile and a thumbs-up at Wario.

“You got it!” says Waluigi excitedly

“You might want to step back” says Wario to Mario

“Why?” asks Mario

“Just trust me”

Waluigi cracks his neck, his knuckles, stretches out his legs, and then shakes himself like a dog. And not even a second after his charades end, he gets deathly serious and his eyes lock on E Gadd’s door.

“Show time” says Waluigi

Waluigi then screams hysterically and unintelligibly while running at full speed. Mario jumps out of the way and watches Waluigi jump in the air and kick E Gadd’s door. But the door doesn’t budge and Waluigi’s leg crumples like a straw and his face slams against the door. Waluigi falls to the ground completely motionless, his leg is bent and twisted in ways that scream compounded bones and his nose is also flattened across his face. Wario and Mario stare, jaws agape, at Waluigi’s bleeding, mangled figure. Wario, jaw still open, slowly looks at Mario, and Mario closes his mouth and looks at Wario.

“I’ll call Kamek” says Wario

Waluigi gurgles while Mario leans down to check on him. When Wario touches Waluigi, Waluigi suddenly shoots up in the sitting position and screams in agony at the top of his lungs.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Mario screams and jumps back and Wario also screams and drops his phone. Waluigi, still screaming, looks at Mario and Wario. Mario stops screaming, but Wario keeps going. While both of the drooling troll clones of the Mario Brothers scream, Mario watches them with quickly diminishing patience. Eventually both of their faces turn blue and they collapse. Mario lightly taps Waluigi’s head with his foot. No response. He shrugs and moves to Wario and kicks him in the side. No response.  Mario sighs, picks up Wario’s phone and finds Kamek on speed dial. After dialing for Kamek he waits patiently for Kamek to pick up his end, while carefully stepping around the pool of blood oozing out of Waluigi’s destroyed leg.

“Hey Wario, did you capture Mario yet so we can use him to capture Rex?” asks Kamek

“Hey Kamek, this is Mario, Wario and Waluigi managed to scream themselves unconscious, so if you want to pick them up I’m at E Gadd’s house” says Mario casually

There is a moment of awkward silence.

“Kamek, are you still there?”

“…Give me a minute, I’m on my way”

Part 2-C

Part 2-C

+++++

In Whitetail Wood…

Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie are walking through Whitetail Wood; Spike is with them too, but he’s riding on Twilight’s back. Normally the walks in this forest would be pleasant, but with ponies disappearing and mysterious scratches appearing on the trees, the walk has become anything but pleasant. The group is searching for the missing ponies, but they haven’t had much luck.

“What if there zombies in the forest?” asks Spike fretfully while biting his nails

“Spike, don’t be ridiculous, there is no such thing as zombies” says Twilight

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, dear,” says Rarity anxiously “Zecora said that in her homeland zebras perform rituals that can raise the dead”

“That’s nothing but superstition. It’s not possible”

“Just like my Pinkie Senses” teases Pinkie Pie

Twilight opens her mouth to agree with Pinkie Pie’s statement, but closes it when she realizes that the pink pony was making fun of her. Pinkie Pie giggles and bounces around Twilight and Spike.

“Don’t feel bad, Twilight, it’s okay to forget that there are endless impossibilities” laughs Pinkie Pie

“What does that even mean?” asks Spike while scratching his head

“She’s talking about the impossible being possible” grumbles Twilight

“Speaking of impossible being possible, do you think it’s possible that the spies in the forest know that we know that they are following us?” says Pinkie Pie

“Wait, we’re being followed?” asks Rarity nervously as her eyes dart between the trees

“Of course we are, silly. Ooh, there’s one!”

Pinkie Pie jumps towards what appears to be nothing but air…and lands on her face. She scrambles to her hooves and chases her invisible target through the trees with extreme vigilance.

“That’s not how Hide-And-Seek works, cheater!” yells Pinkie Pie

“Pinkie Pie, who are you chasing” demands Twilight

Pinkie Pie tackles nothing but air again, and when she looks up dry leaves are stuck in her mane and she’s clearly trying to fight her annoyance.

“I’m trying to catch the unicorn! But she’s breaking the rules of Hide-And-Seek!” whines Pinkie Pie

Suddenly, there is a flash of light and a green unicorn mare with a yellow mane and a cutie mark of a cloak over pony (half of it is dotted to show the pony disappearing), wearing a suit, lands in front of Pinkie Pie with a grunt.

“There, happy now” says a stallion with a gruff voice

Pinkie Pie giggles and pokes the unicorn’s nose with her hoof.

“Tag, you’re it!” laugh Pinkie Pie childishly

The unicorn rolls her eyes, stands up, and shakes the leaves off. A stallion unicorn almost as big and muscular as Big Mac, with a gray coat and a tan mane and tail with a cutie mark of a key over an eye, approaches Twilight’s group.

“You shouldn’t be here, this area is quarantined” says the stallion sternly

Twilight steps forward and puts her hoof to her chest.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m terribly sorry to have gotten in your way, but we have work to do here” says Twilight politely

“As do I” says the stallion

“But our work is important”

“As is mine”

“As a student of Princess Celestia, I-”

“Don’t give a shit”

Twilight gasps at the shock of someone swearing at her. Rarity is also shocked by this, and even Pinkie Pie’s jaw drops, but Spike covers his mouth, giggles and says “Cool”.

“That wasn’t very nice. You should apologize, Mr. Meanie” says Pinkie Pie

“The name is Agent Lock N. Key” says the stallion

“Ooh, like a secret agent?”

“I’m an Agent of Sector Fifty Two, this area is quarantined and you ladies are to return to your homes immediately lest you want to face charges”

There is a pregnant silence that is only broken by Pinkie Pie’s loose lips.

“That doesn’t sound like fun” pouts Pinkie Pie

“Ladies, I’ll handle this” says Rarity confidently

Rarity adjusts her mane and then approaches Lock N. Key in a way that makes even the most reserved of stallions drool; but his hormones are not influenced by the mare’s actions in the slightest sense. All he does is arch his eyebrow at Rarity’s antics.

“I say, you look like a strong, noble stallion,” coos Rarity suggestively while pacing around him to inspect his figure “can you please be a dear and let me and my friends continue our work and I can make it up to you with, let’s say, a dinner and a show”

“I’m gay” says Lock N. Key bluntly

“How about just a dinner”

“I am gay”

“A walk in the park?”

“I. Am. Gay”

“But-”

“I am not interested in your gender. Now get away from me, my coltfriend doesn’t like the scent of mares”

Rarity sulks in defeat back to Twilight while mumbling “Since when are stallions gay”. Twilight steps forward to give Lock N. Key a piece of her mind.

“Agent, we have direct connections with Princess Celestia-” states Twilight

“Good for you” interrupts Lock N. Key

“And that puts us in a higher spot than you-”

“No it doesn’t”

“And we…what do you mean ‘No it doesn’t’?”

“Rosewell Protocol is in effect and that means this whole area, including Ponyville, is under complete control of the state until further notice. Only official status is permitted for influence, not personal relations with royalty. If you want an escort out, that can easily be arranged, but that is as far as my generosity goes”

The group remains silent, and they watch more ponies in suits walk out of cover and surround them. Twilight sighs heavily and nods towards her friends.

“Let’s go, girls” says Twilight grumpily

Pinkie Pie and Rarity silently follow Twilight, and Spike decides it’s best to keep his mouth shut. When Twilight is next to Lock N. Key, she glares at him for a moment before continuing her walk out of the forest.

+++++

Somewhere Near Ponyville…

E Gadd is gliding peacefully through the white fluffy clouds. He loves every moment of this; the air is pure, the clouds are refreshing, the birds swirl and sing around him, and he can see just about everything. If his ship hadn’t exploded then it would be a perfect day.

“I believe I can flyyyyy. I believe I can touch the skyyyyy. I think about it night and dayyyyy. Something and something door something. I believe I can flyyyyyieieie!” sings E Gadd casually (although his singing sounds like a horrible screeching)

After passing through a fluffy cloud, Ponyville comes into view. E Gadd squeals like a little girl and kicks his feet excitedly.

“Hah, I made it! I made it to Ponyville!” laughs E Gadd

E Gadd pulls out a notebook and pen from his pocket and flips it over to a check list.

*Convince the Mario and Dude Brothers to come to Equestria: X (NOTE: Mario did not come. Lower his number down to ‘9’ on Speed Dial)

*Travel to Equestria: X (NOTE: Ship exploded for no apparent reason. No way back for now / NOTE: ‘No way back for now’ is no big deal for now)

*Find Ponyville:

*Meet up with Pinkie Pie:

E Gadd puts an ‘X’ next to ‘*Find Ponyville’ and puts the notebook and pen back into his pocket. He scouts the land for a good landing spot and finds a nice, secluded spot in a park. The spot he chose has plenty of shrubbery and it looks like hardly anyone visits that part. When he lands he makes sure to lock the seat’s controls and to have all of his stuff gathered. The first thing he grabs is his communicator, which he clips to his belt and then he puts his gear on the seat and searches through it to find a map. But while he’s searching through his gear he accidently pushes a button that causes the chair to vibrate uncontrollably and roll itself into a ball, destroying everything in the process. E Gadd stares at the jumbled mess that was once his ejection seat for a few seconds before he falls to the ground laughing.

“Oh my God! I completely forgot about the feature!” laughs E Gadd

E Gadd continues laughing like an idiot, but when it dawns on him that most of his stuff was on that seat he stops laughing and frowns.

“Well crap,” pouts E Gadd “all my jerky was in there”

He sighs heavily and runs his fingers through what little hair he has and looks around for anyplace he can hide his ejection seat. When he spots a humongous bush he grins and cracks his knuckles and neck. It was more painful than he remembered and ends up tenderly rubbing his knuckles and neck.

“Ow. Note to self, I’m too old to crack myself”

E Gadd drags what’s left of his ejection seat into a bush as quickly and quietly as he can (albeit with a lot of struggle) and then he throws more shrubbery over it. When he’s satisfied with the cheap camouflage he gave his ejection seat he sneaks into town. Before arriving on Equestria, he told himself he would walk into Ponyville like he belonged there and say “I come in peace” using a megaphone; but after seeing some stern ponies in suits and sunglasses walking around he thought better against it. They reminded him of government agents, and he’s seen enough movies to know that government agents are not the nicest bunch on the block. Plus, he lost his megaphone when the ejection seat rolled itself into oblivion.

“Oldie Snake, you’re primary objective is to find your contact, codenamed ‘Party Animal’” whispers E Gadd to himself

E Gadd’s eyes dart side to side and then he does a swan dive to the ground and army crawls behind an abandoned fruit cart and searches for an opening in the agent’s patrol routes. While he’s waiting for an opening he plays the Mission Impossible theme in his head.

“Roger that, Octagon” replies E Gadd in his one-sided conversation

E Gadd spots an opening to an alley and he wastes no time to run to it and slide behind a random dumpster. After securing his hiding spot by the dumpster, he crouches down and waits for another opening. When a couple of ponies in suits walk past him he pushes himself against the wall and waits for them to be out of sight; there is no need to start a scuffle with these very mean looking ponies after all. When the ponies are out of sight he pulls out his communicator and tries to call Luigi and the Dude Brothers.

“Little Chicks, this is Papa Bird, do you read? Over” says E Gadd quietly

All he gets is static.

“Yellow Turnip, do you read? Over”

More static.

“Blueberry Muffin, do you read? Over”

Again, more static.

“Green Bean McStocky Pants, do you read? Over”

He doesn’t even get even static for this one. E Gadd sighs, shuts off his communicator, and then he puts it away and rubs his hands together and scans the area.

“Okay, E Gadd, you are alone on a peaceful world. Your friends are not answering your calls and you have some idea where you are, but not entirely sure. Where do you go?...Where do you go?...Where…do…you…go?”

E Gadd spots a large, healthy tree with windows and a balcony built into it that has a sign out front with a book and “Library” engraved in it. He grins from ear to ear and puffs out his chest proudly.

“Looks like I’m going to be going to the LIBRARY!” says E Gadd louder than necessary; he quickly shrinks down after that and covers his mouth

“Did you hear something?” asks a pony

“I heard your mom! Oooh burn!” retorts another pony

E Gadd shrinks farther down and waits for the ponies to pass.

“My mother is dead, you mule!” sobs the first pony

“What? Oh…oh! Hey, I’m-I’m sorry” stammers the second pony

“We aren’t friends anymore!”

E Gadd hears the ponies gallop away (one of them is sobbing hysterically and the other trying to comfort him) and he pokes his head out to make sure all is clear. After seeing that the coast is clear, save for a couple of earth ponies in suits that walk into a flower shop, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and strolls to the library while whistling casually. There really is no other route to take, since the library is out in the open with no cover whatsoever near it. And E Gadd reasons that if he was going to be caught by these agents, he wants to put on a good first impression. Once he reaches the library he checks the hours of operation and sees that he has plenty of time so he waltzes in carefree.

“Good morning fellow biological creature my name is Professor Elvin Gadd and I come in peace” says E Gadd in Equestrian

Silence…dead silence.

E Gadd looks around the library for any sign of life, but all he finds is a sleeping owl on a perch. And oddly enough, to E Gadd, the owl looks like it was guarding an umbrella hat before it fell asleep. E Gadd is about to inspect the hat, but notices a set of stairs going up towards a room. Or is it an office? He shrugs and walks up the stairs and repeats “Good morning fellow biological creature my name is Professor Elvin Gadd and I come in peace”.

Once again, E Gadd is met with silence, and he quickly figures out that he did not step into a regular room or office, but a bedroom; a really, really clean and organized bedroom. He spots a framed photo of a group of ponies, he’s certain that it is Pinkie Pie’s group of friends since she posted a similar photo on her Facebook page, but before he can do a closer inspection he spots a globe resting on a nightstand. Any urge to inspect the photo flies clean out the window at that point and he shamelessly skips towards it.

“Bingo!” cheers E Gadd

E Gadd spins the globe around and stops it when he’s certain he’s over the general area of where he crashed. He finds that the globe is well detailed and topographical, but it doesn’t have the location of any settlements. E Gadd is quick to figure out that the nightstand has drawers, and when he pulls the drawers out he finds just what he was looking for; political and regional maps. He knows he’s in Ponyville, so it makes narrowing down which maps he needs a whole lot easier. As he reads the maps he notices that they come with fun facts about population, vegetation, and ceremonies.

“I wish we had a Winter Wrap Up” sighs E Gadd dreamily

Then he hears the front door open and slam shut, and three sets of hooves walk in. He stops reading the map and peaks out of the bedroom and sees three ponies and a baby dragon. The first pony is in the front, she is a unicorn that has a pale purple coat, a dark blue mane and tail that has streams of violet and a rose color, and purple eyes; she also has stars surrounding a bigger star on her flank. He knows that one is Twilight. Riding on her back is a baby dragon with purple scales and green spines with green eyes (E Gadd is sure that it’s Spike); he’s practically drooling at the sight of the second pony, which is also a unicorn. The second unicorn has a marshmallow colored coat, a curly indigo mane, azure eyes, and three diamonds on her flank. He’s guessing that it’s Rarity. Unlike the other two ponies, the third pony is a regular pink pony with a cotton candy like mane and tail (darker pink shade) with three balloons on her flank, and she had light blue eyes. The pony is also bouncing in the room in ways that defy the laws of physics. E Gadd instantly recognizes her as Pinkie Pie. E Gadd holds back his giggling and slides into cover.

“Spike, take a letter. Princess Celestia is going to be hearing about this!” orders Twilight

“Twilight, I’m sure he wasn’t trying to be rude. He was just doing his job” says Spike

“Twilight, darling, I think you need to relax” says Rarity defensively “Spike is right. The gentlecolt was only doing his job and things have been peculiar these last few hours, so maybe he was just worried about our safety”

“Aaaaand, maybe he was grumpy because he missed breakfast! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and anyone can get grumpy if they don’t have breakfast I know I get grumpy when I don’t have breakfast because without breakfast I don’t have good food to start my day bright and shiny” says Pinkie Pie in one breath

E Gadd contemplates on how he should approach the ponies. He did break into Twilight’s house (which he reasons is a public library and he needed a map), and he has been eavesdropping on them. E Gadd shrugs, thinking its best to just go out and say “Hi”. When he stands up Pinkie Pie is somehow already in front of him. Her nose is practically touching his nose and she’s grinning from ear to ear and her eyes literally sparkle from sheer joy.

“Hi E Gadd!” says Pinkie Pie ecstatically

E Gadd screams and jumps back and clutches his heart.

“Pinkie Pie, don’t scare me like that. I’m too old for your youthful shenanigans” says E Gadd with fake annoyance

“Yay! You speak Equestrian!” cheers Pinkie Pie

E Gadd and Pinkie Pie hug each other tightly.

“Of course I do” giggles E Gadd

“Now you can finally meet all my friends!” says Pinkie Pie enthusiastically

“Pinkie, who are you talking you?” asks Twilight as she steps in her room with Rarity and Spike following close behind

E Gadd turns to face Twilight, Rarity, and Spike, and he does a gentlemanly bow as if he was greeting Princess Peach. Their jaws drop and they take a small step back. Pinkie Pie bounces away from E Gadd and pushes the trio closer to him. They try to dig their hooves and feet into the floor, but the floor is slick with wood polish and proves to have minimal friction.

“Don’t be afraid, everypony, he’s only Human” says Pinkie Pie as she pushes them closer to E Gadd

When they give up and walk to E Gadd, he smiles and takes the time to shake each of their hooves and hand. He also greets each of them by name.

“Forgive my intrusion, my name is Professor Elvin Gadd, but you may call me E Gadd”

“Oh my, he has great manners” says Rarity

“What are…how did you…huh?” stammers Twilight

E Gadd chuckles and playfully rubs Twilight’s mane; he notices a fading crack on her horn but thinks nothing of it. It’s obviously an injury well on its way to full recovery.

“I am a Human from a place called the Mushroom World; it’s in another dimension so you won’t find it with a regular telescope” says E Gadd cheerfully

“That explains what you are, but it doesn’t explain how you got in my house or how you know our names” says Twilight

“Technically it’s a public library” says Spike

“That I live in, Spike”

“…Oh yeah”

E Gadd pulls out a remote from his pocket and scans Twilight’s body. When the remote gives her a tickling feeling, her lavender coat becomes a slight shade of red around her cheeks and she squeaks and jumps away from E Gadd.

“Relax, Twilight” laughs E Gadd “it’s nothing harmful, I just extracted samples of your coat, mane, and DNA for further studying”

“You did what!” yells Twilight “That-that’s a gross invasion of privacy!”

“I will agree with Twilight, that was a bit tacky what you did there Professor E Ghaaad!”

E Gadd scans Rarity and she stumbles back, almost knocking Spike over in the process, while attempting to cover herself with her fore hooves. Her white coat does a horrible job of covering the blood rushing to her face from the embarrassment she got from the tickling feeling.

“For shame!” scolds Rarity

“Wow, Pinkie was right, you two really are uptight” teases E Gadd as he scans Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie giggles as E Gadd runs the device over her.

“That tickles, E Gadd. Do it again!” urges Pinkie Pie

“Sorry, only one scan per pony” says E Gadd

“I’m not getting…that am I?” asks Spike carefully

“Nope, I’m here for ponies not dragons. Where are your other friends, Pinkie Pie?”

Spike gets a sigh of relief, but then when it dawns on him that E Gadd has no interest in him he sighs in disappointment and his stance droops. Before Pinkie Pie can answer E Gadd’s question, Twilight puts her hoof over Pinkie Pie’s mouth and glares at E Gadd; her horn also glows slightly. E Gadd notices a slight twinge of pain flicker across the lavender unicorn’s face as soon as her horn began to glow.

“She’s not telling you anything” sneers Twilight “But you have some questions to answer”

E Gadd sits down on the floor and clasps his hands together and smiles kindly.

“And I shall answer to the best of my abilities, Ms. Sparkle” says E Gadd politely

The ponies and Spike look at each other, Spike shrugs and Pinkie Pie and Rarity sit next to E Gadd, Spike sits next to Rarity, and Twilight remains standing.

“First question: How do you know our names?” asks Twilight suspiciously

“Pinkie Pie told me” answers E Gadd casually

Twilight glares at Pinkie Pie and the pink pony smiles and nods.

“It’s all true” admits Pinkie Pie cheerfully

Twilight’s focus goes back to E Gadd.

“Next question: How do you know Equestrian?”

E Gadd pulls out a handbook from his coat and holds it up for everyone to see. The book is titled: The Mentally Inferior’s Guide to Equestrian.

“I ordered this book off of Pinkie Pie’s company website,” answers E Gadd “it was expensive, but well worth it. Plus it’s easier and cheaper to learn a new language than to hire and drag a translator along”

“That explains a lot” says Rarity to no one in particular

“How did you get in my house?”

“Your door was unlocked so I just walked in. Plus this is a library, so I don’t need permission to enter…unless there is a law for knocking before entering a library”

Twilight scrutinizes E Gadd for a few seconds before moving on to her next question.

“You said you came from another dimension, correct?”

E Gadd nods.

“Then can you explain to me why ponies are disappearing”

E Gadd searches through his mental library for any possible explanation for sudden disappearances. He knows it’s not worm holes; those are obnoxious and destructive on large scales. He deducts that it might be a small rift in the time-space continuum; those have a habit of sucking up random objects and people.

“Hmm, have these disappearances been with single ponies or in large groups?” asks E Gadd

"They’ve been single for what we know and they’ve been going on for almost a full day” replies Twilight

Now E Gadd is officially confused. He knows that his group just got here, so there is no way they created a rift that’s been sucking up ponies for a day. The only other logical explanation is that something else came to Equestria before he did.

“Something must’ve arrived here before I did. Did you ponies find anything out of the ordinary in the past day?” asks E Gadd

“I’m the one asking questions around here” snaps Twilight

“I can’t really help you if you don’t give me information, Ms. Sparkle”

“He’s right you know” says Pinkie Pie defensively while wrapping her hooves around E Gadd’s neck “I’ve known E Gadd for years and he’s one of the nicest and most honest and most sincere and most smartest people I’ve ever met”

“Bad grammar” coughs Spike

“Pinkie, where did you even meet E Gadd?” asks Rarity curiously

“We’re Facebook friends. And it all started with Farmville”

Twilight face-hoofs.

“I don’t even want to know” groans Twilight

“How many ponies have disappeared so far?” asks E Gadd worryingly as he gently pries himself loose from Pinkie Pie

“Six, and now there’s a bunch of spooky spies walking around the forest and town” says Pinkie Pie; she waves her hooves around to emphasize the situation

“I see. If it’s alright with you, I would like to be of assistance to you in finding whatever is lurking in your woods”

“Not to be rude or anything, but what can you do to help?” asks Rarity

“I’m the smartest man where I came from and I also spent two weeks as a Boy Scout when I was a lad so I’m an expert in the art of tracking”

“He’s starting to sound like Trixie” grumbles Spike

E Gadd rubs his chin, and when he remembers who Spike is talking about (courtesy of one of Pinkie Pie’s stories) he laughs and slaps his knee.

“I guess I am. How is she by the way?” asks E Gadd lightheartedly

“Wait, you know who Trixie is?” asks Spike

“Not directly, but Pinkie Pie told me about her. She seems like an interesting pony to meet”

Twilight’s eyes narrow and she trots to her bed, jumps up, and curls up on it so that she isn’t looking at anyone. She snorts out some hot air and her tail and ears twitch irritably. Spike, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity cringe at Twilight’s moody reaction.

“We haven’t seen her in a few months, and it’s a good thing too, she’s anything but a lady” says Rarity snobbishly

“Rarity!” gasps Pinkie Pie “How can you say such a mean thing? You know Trixie is a mare!”

“You completely missed the point, dear” says Rarity dryly as she rolls her eyes

“We better stop talking about Trixie” says Spike cautiously

“Please do” snaps Twilight

E Gadd stands up and brushes some wrinkles away. Twilight’s mood is so depressing that he’s sure the light will get sucked out of the room at any moment.

“I obviously brought up something painfully inappropriate. My apologies Ms. Sparkle” says E Gadd apologetically

Twilight’s response is a grunt.

“Well, I believe we should leave now, the lady needs her space” says Rarity

“Rarity,” says Twilight moodily “take Spike with you for some ice cream away from E Gadd. I don’t want any trouble with these agents”

Twilight barely lifts her head to look at Pinkie Pie and E Gadd.

“As for you two…stay out of trouble and out of sight”

E Gadd and Pinkie Pie salute, and the group walks out of the room. Twilight rests her head on her pillow and closes her eyes.

+++++

At Canterlot…

Trixie is sitting in her apartment living room on a plush couch with a glass of wine next to him. The apartment is being used as a meeting location for plans on the “3 Barns Up Charity Concert” and Fancy Pants, Prince Blueblood, and a half dozen other ponies she could care less about have been invited, to put loosely. She can’t really blame them for wanting to play a role in this event. The concert will be a business owner’s dream come true, there will be plenty of opportunities for advertisement, sales, and chances to get new customers. As for the royal family, this will be another opportunity to show Equestria that they are still in control and “care” about the populace. And she’s using “care” to the loosest of terms; she’s sure that the royal family has become more and more disconnected with the general populace over the years. However, Trixie is certain that Prince Blueblood is, by far, the most disconnected of the royal family. He’s so wrapped up in his world that it’s disgusting. And to make it worse, he kind of reminds Trixie of her old self, when she was a traveling show pony.

About a minute ago, Filthy Rich had told a joke that Trixie did not find amusing in any way, shape, or form. The joke was so horrible that she mentally took the joke, shredded it, and then threw the shreds in a fire pit. Definitely one of the worst jokes she’s ever heard.  However, the other guests found his joke to be hilarious. After the guests finished laughing at the worst joke ever made, Prince Blueblood sips some more wine and then looks at Trixie.

“So, Trixie, I suppose I have to thank you for allowing us to discuss this event in your apartment” says Prince Blueblood reluctantly

“Well, if Trixie wants to see this charity concert succeed then Trixie must be willing to accept help from…others” says Trixie politely

Despite the personal changes Trixie’s made over the past few months, she’s having the most difficulty dropping her third person speaking habit. But she’s been speaking in like that ever since she was a young adult, and, it’s like the old saying goes, “Old habits die hard”.

“I love how she talks in third person” chuckles Fancy Pants

“I’m still in the room you know” snaps Trixie

“Right, my apologies Ms. Lulamoon”

Trixie flicks some of her man out of her eyes and notices that Filthy Rich is slightly swaying back and forth, and his eyes are half closed and he also has a stupid smile on his face.

‘Great, Filthy is drunk’ “Now ladies and gentlecolts,” begins Trixie “as you know this concert is to bring notice to the impoverished-”

“What are you talking about? Nopony is impoverished” interrupts Prince Blueblood

“Trixie would have guessed that someone as disconnected as you wouldn’t know about the impoverished. But while great cities like Canterlot, Manehatten, Fillydelphia, and Detrot have advanced infrastructure”

Trixie walks to the window and shows them the grandeur of Canterlot by waving her hoof at the scenery to emphasize the benefits they have.

‘Once a show pony, always a show pony’ “Ninety percent of Equestria is still decades behind” continues Trixie “Ninety percent of Equestria still uses dirt roads, travel by hooves and carts, and still rely on hard mail for communication in long distances. If you’ve seen the conditions of the hospitals and the schools you will cringe and feel ashamed of yourselves for believing that Equestria is a utopia”

Trixie paces around the room, making sure to eye each of her not-so-welcomed guests. Trixie wonders why they aren’t holding this important meeting in the security of the Royal Palace, and she makes a mental note to bring this up with Prince Blueblood (he does seem more interested in this particular event than anything else too, so that’ll be another thing to bring up at an appropriate time).

“Filthy Rich, what does your company have to offer for Trixie’s show?” asks Trixie

“Well, my energy company is made of bits and likes mares” replies Filthy Rich stupidly

“…Right, but what can you offer for the event?”

“I’m a business owner; I power advertisements and sell light. But I can provide aaaaaaaaany services that wants the Great and Powerful Trixie”

Trixie and the other guests stare at Filthy Rich, but all he does is continue to smile like an idiot.

“Awkward” whispers one of the guests

Trixie knows she won’t get a good answer out of Filthy Rich in the state he’s in, so she turns her focus to Fancy Pants.

“What about you?” asks Trixie

“I have pledged to provide a box of free clothing to families in need for every ticket sold” says Fancy Pants smugly

“Let me guess, those clothes didn’t sell in your stores and they are wasting inventory space”

“Clothes are clothes, no matter the condition or the style”

Trixie is about to confront another guest, but she hears a Bzzzt. Everypony also hears the odd noise and they look around curiously. Trixie, on the other hand, silently gives thanks to Celestia.

Bzzzt.

“What is that horrid noise?” sneers Prince Blueblood

“Ladies and gentlecolts, Trixie is going to have to ask you to leave immediately” says Trixie while opening her front door with magic

Bzzzt.

Most of the guests leave without protest, but Prince Blueblood, Fancy Pants, and Filthy Rich stay behind. Prince Blueblood stomps forward and furrows his brow at Trixie.

“You dare kick out royalty” says Prince Blueblood harshly

“If you didn’t want to be kicked out of Trixie’s apartment then you should’ve requested this meeting be held in the palace” retorts Trixie irritably

“The palace is being fumigated! There was a fly in my room! A FLY!”

“Oh the horror; now leave”

Bzzzt.

Prince Blueblood cringes when the buzz returns and leaves in a huff.

“Fine, I’ll leave; but only because that buzzing is hurting my ears” says Prince Blueblood snobbishly

Prince Blueblood turns around in the doorway and points at Trixie.

“Celstia will be hearing about your rude behavior, by the way, so expect a letter” threatens Prince Blueblood

“Trixie looks forward to it” says Trixie sarcastically

Prince Blueblood snorts and stomps out of the apartment and Trixie catches Fancy Pants wandering her apartment, searching for the source of the buzzing. When Trixie sees him getting dangerously close to her home office, she gallops in front of him and blocks the doorway.

Bzzzt.

“Does the word ‘Privacy’ mean anything to you?”  growls Trixie

“My apologies, Ms. Lulamoon, I’m just curious as to what that buzzing noise is” says Fancy Pants apologetically (but Trixie thinks he’s not really sorry)

“It’s the buzzer to alert me of my nap time”

“You have a nap time?”

“Yes! Beauty rest is vital for Trixie’s looks and charms! Now leave!”

Bzzzt.

Fancy Pants stares at Trixie suspiciously, but when she narrows her eyes and her horn starts to glow he figures it’s best to not push her. So he leaves the apartment without another word. Trixie sighs with relief and is about to enter her office, but then she remembers that Filthy Rich is still in her apartment…staring at her…and drooling. Trixie grits her teeth and marches to Filthy Rich, and when she’s a few feet away from him she points at the door.

Bzzzt.

“Party’s over, Filthy, time to leave” says Trixie

“Please, call me Rich, every mare else does” slurs Filthy Rich

Trixie pushes Filthy Rich to the door; he makes no attempt at resisting. Instead he compliments Trixie’s smell and how much he likes her mane. When he is in the doorway, she stops pushing and points at the elevator behind him.

“Rich, it’s time to go” says Trixie forcefully

“But we still have ‘business’ to discuss. If you know what I mean” says Filthy Rich; his grin changes from a stupid one, to that of a dog begging for a favor

Bzzzt.

Trixie scoffs and uses her magic to throw Filthy Rich down the hallway. She waits until he stops sliding across the hallway floor (with his tail end in the air) before she slams the door shut.

“That’s what I get for having a business meet in my apartment” grumbles Trixie

Bzzzt.

Trixie locks her door using a traditional lock and some magic, and then she pulls all her drapes close and hurries to her desk and pulls out a black box with a dial on it and thick earphones. There is a red light flashing on and off on the dial.

Bzzzt.

Trixie pushes the dial and the light stops flickering and the buzzing stops. She then levitates the earpiece to her ear and listens in.

“We have a robbery at the Canterlot Royal Bank! The perpetrators are heavily armed! We need back up! I repeat! We need backup!” screams a cop over the radio

Trixie turns off the police scanner, hides it in her desk, and then runs to her closet. After pushing aside some junk (used solely for disguise) she pushes a star shaped button on the floor and it opens up to reveal her Mare-Do-Well costume, neatly folded and ready to go.

***

At the Canterlot Royal Bank, a group of a five ponies are holding a bank hostage; the group is made up of two earth ponies, two unicorns, and a Pegasus, and all of them are wearing ski-masks and black jumpsuits. All of them are armed in some way; the earth ponies and Pegasi have clawed boots and the unicorns are levitating clubs and sabers. The leader of the group is the Pegasus (a mare) wearing a black cuirass. She is overseeing the robbers overseeing the hostages throwing bags of bits into the back of a black van with tinted windows. The van had driven through the entrance of the bank, thus covering the floor with shattered glass, brick, and wood, as well as loose pieces of paper and writing utensils.

“C’mon! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!” barks the Pegasus “We don’t have all day!”

One of the earth pony’s (a mare) hops on top of the vans so she can get closer to the Pegasus.

“We don’t have much time,” says the earth pony “the Royal Guard is on their way”

“How much do we have?” asks the Pegasus impatiently

“That’s the last of them” replies a unicorn

“Good! Let’s get out of here!”

The criminals, except for the Pegasus, jump inside the van and they drive off. The Pegasus flies after them. And while they are speeding through the crowded streets of Canterlot the Pegasus hears the sirens from the Royal Guard police cars. Within a matter of seconds half a dozen of the gold and white police cars of the Royal Guard swerve around the corner; following close behind are three Pegasi Royal Guards.

The Criminal Pegasus smiles and charges the three Pegasi flying towards her. She tackles the first Pegasi and they both spin towards the heavy traffic. Before either of them can hit the ground they both pull up, but the criminal Pegasus keeps the Royal Guard down just long enough for him to get hit by a Royal Guard police car. The vehicle the Guard was hit by spins out of control and causes a small pile up made of other police cars and civilian vehicles. The Pegasus laughs at her victory, but her celebration is cut short when another Royal Guard Pegasus tackles her to the ground. She lands on her back but is able to kick the guard away and she barely avoids the other Pegasus Guard’s attack. She bucks the Guard away and the Guard stumbles back. After regaining his footing the Guard and the Pegasus circle each other while snorting hot air. The Pegasus is about to do another attack, but rope covered in a light blue mist wraps around her leg and ties it to her wing; needless to say, it was a very awkward position for her and she lands on her face.

“What the hay” growls the Pegasus “Mare-Do-Well, is that you!”

Trixie, now in her Mare-Do-Well costume, pulls up to the Pegasus on her motorcycle and pseudo-politely tips her hat. The Guard’s jaw drops and he silently curses himself for not having a camera, or a picture that the famed vigilante can autograph for him.

“Always a pleasure seeing you Scarlet” says Trixie in her disguised voice sarcastically

Trixie nods to the Pegasus Guard and says “Gentlecolt” politely before chasing after the van.

***

Trixie hastily weaves through the traffic to catch up to the van. The vehicles she passes honk their horns and some ponies swear at her, but she ignores them. If she wasn’t wearing her costume she’d definitely chew out the ponies that thought they could talk to her like that. But she has more important things to do, and the police cars are having trouble navigating through the streets, unlike her sleek motorcycle (that she loves very much).

Within a couple of minutes Trixie spots the van. She speeds up and when she’s next to the driver side of the van, she slows down to match the van’s speed. After that, she motions the driver to roll down the window. The tinted window rolls down and a mare earth pony pokes her head out the window.

“Pull over!” orders Trixie

“Kiss my flank!” sneers the driver

Trixie’s eye twitches behind her visor and she speeds up with new found vigor. No pony talks to her that way! No pony! And since it was a criminal that used that kind of language against her, she won’t hold back her wrath.

When Trixie’s about a hundred feet in front of the van she turns around and charges it head on. She can’t see the criminals behind the tinted glass but she’s sure that they are questioning her sanity. Trixie’s eyes narrow and she launches a cable with a grapple at the end of it at the van’s front. It digs inside the van’s engine and causes the engine to sputter and smoke. Trixie zooms past the van and weaves in between a few lampposts before having the cord hook itself to a wall of a random building. Not even two seconds pass before Trixie hears the satisfying sound the van screeching to a halt, metal tearing, and the satisfying noise of a flip and crash against pavement. She turns around sees the van on its roof with its engine almost completely yanked out. All the windows on the vehicle are shattered and the backdoors broke open too, spilling all of the stolen bags of bits on the street.

Trixie casually drives to the crash site and parks next to the van. She ignores the gathering crowd as she coolly gets off her motorcycle and approaches the driver, who was now climbing out of the wrecked vehicle. The driver looks at Trixie and smiles sheepishly.

“You-you aren’t mad at what I said…are you?” asks the mare nervously

Trixie kicks her in the face, effectively knocking her out (and most likely breaking her snout too), and she’s about to tie up each of the robbers, but when the Royal Guards converge on her she decides against it.

“Mare-Do-Well, surrender yourself immediately!” shouts a Guard using a megaphone

‘So much for a thank you’ thinks Trixie

“You have five seconds to surrender or we will use force!” continues the Guard

The Royal Guards slowly move in on Trixie and the unconscious criminals; but Trixie is not interested in fighting the Royal Guards, so she jumps on her motorcycle and speeds away before they have a chance to close her in.

***

Near the top of a building under construction, Rex had watched the whole scene unfold between Mare-Do-Well and the criminals using a pair of binoculars to help him see better. Rex chuckles at the outcome of the show; to him, it was like watching an action flick. He watches the Royal Guards quickly lose track, or interest, (maybe both) of Mare-Do-Well and apprehend the bank robbers.

“Well, it looks like I just might have some more fun on this world” laughs Rex

Rex then pulls out handful of fresh meat from a backpack at his feet and shoves the whole thing in his mouth. He chews obnoxiously loud and after swallowing it, he smacks his lips and licks his fingers. Then he hears muffled cries and he turns around to face four terrified tied and gagged construction ponies. As Rex approaches his captives he cackles and drums his fingers together.

“Now for the main course” says Rex hungrily

Part 3

Part 3

+++++

At Bowser’s Castle…

Bowser is playing chess with Kammy in the throne room. So far Kammy appears to have the upper hand, with most of Bowser’s pieces knocked out and her queen going on a rampage. But Bowser is uncharacteristically calm, which worries Kammy slightly, but not too much. She can practically taste the victory!

“Checkmate” yawns Bowser while moving his knight next to Kammy’s queen

“Ha! That’s not a checkmate!” declares Kammy “That’s a…”

Kammy sees what Bowser did and she huffs and with a wave of her wand the chessboard disappears in a cloud of vapor.

“A clever checkmate”

Bowser smirks, but his smirk quickly turns into another yawn. Kammy shakes her head sadly at the king’s tired state.

“Are you seriously tired at this hour?” asks Kammy sternly

“I run a kingdom, a very large kingdom, and a psychotic terrorist yoshi somehow escaped from my custody, and I’m running on three minutes of sleep and I’m out of energy drinks” says Bowser wryly

“I thought Kamek gave you sleeping pills”

“Those were caffeine pills…and I’m experiencing the crash in three. Two. One. Now”

POOF!

Kamek appears behind Bowser with Mario, Wario, and a horribly mangled Waluigi under his hovering broom. Bowser sighs and turns to the group.

“So much for my nap” grumbles Bowser

Bowser sees Waluigi bleeding all over his floor and he scowls.

“Oh for the love of-Somebody get Waluigi a mushroom!” barks Bowser

A random goomba yelps and darts away while shouting “The Great Odor demands mushrooms!”. Bowser face-palms after hearing that. Kammy floats next to Bowser and pats his shoulder sympathetically.

“There, there, eventually those smell jokes will pass” says Kammy

“I’m squishing the next person that uses a smell joke” sneers Bowser

“Bowser, I’m here. Now what do you want” demands Mario

Bowser looks at Mario irritably.

“Since when are you so rude?” snaps Bowser

“Since when do you want my assistance?” retorts Mario

“Since when do you question helping others?”

“Since when do you ask for help?”

“Since when do you…ah screw it. Walk with me, Mario, we have much to discuss”

Mario reluctantly walks with Bowser out of the throne room, as they walk out the same goomba returns with a basket of mushrooms on his head. After closing the door behind them, Mario hears Waluigi scream in pain and then laugh for joy and then bounce around the room. Or at least it sounds like bouncing…and objects breaking…and Wario and the Magikoopas swearing and trying to get Waluigi under control.

Mario and Bowser decide its best to let the guards handle it, and they know that things will get handled delicately (in a purely cruel, sarcastic way) when Karl storms down the hall shouting “What the Hell are you guys doing in the throne room!”.

“Just keep walking, when Karl gets mad it’s a scary sight” says Bowser while lazily covering his yawn with his hand

A moment later they hear Wario and Waluigi begging for mercy over Karl’s wrathful –and very colorful- yelling. They walk in silence for the rest of the trip to the bottom of Bowser’s Castle, which was very awkward for Mario. When they reach a large, blast door with Bowser’s symbol on it, Bowser presses a specific brick on the wall and a keypad slides out.

“Mario, have you ever heard of a yoshi named Rex?” asks Bowser as he types in a code

“Not until recently” replies Mario

“I see…You have extensive knowledge on yoshis, given your frequent travels to Yoshi Island and your relationship with the yoshi tribes”

“And you want my help to capture Rex and return him to your custody. Which I will do, but I’ll warn you in advance, if this is a trick-”

Bowser finishes entering the code and a lever pops out and he pulls it down without hesitation. The door groans in protest and scratches against the ground as it slides into the wall, revealing another hallway that had a tiled floor with mirrors along the wall.

“What could I possibly gain from this experience?” asks Bowser innocently

“You can attack the Mushroom Kingdom for starters” says Mario

“Not interested”

“Since when?”

“Since the nine-hundredth time my attempts to conquer the world left me with a destroyed army and body and soul”

Mario has no comeback for that, so he just accepts that Bowser won’t attack the Mushroom Kingdom, or any other place for that matter. Even though Mario is not entirely convinced that Bowser won’t attempt another aggressive expansionist campaign, he still has reason to believe that Luigi and his friends are in danger, which takes precedence over trust issues with a tyrant at this point.

Mario and Bowser walk down the odd hallway and Mario instantly becomes curious as to why the hallway is designed the way it is.

“So…Bowser, I’ve never seen a hallway like this before” says Mario casually

“I had extra funds and I told the architect to have fun with this hallway under two conditions. One, it cannot go over the limit. And two, it has to screw with anyone who walks down it” states Bowser proudly

Mario nods and takes a closer look at the mirrors and notices that every single one of them has an eye on them. And the eyes look like they are following his every move (and it also looks like a couple of them are blinking). Suddenly Mario gets a very uneasy feeling that causes the hair on his neck to stand up and he fights back the enormous urge to run out of the room at full speed. But when he notices Bowser smirking at his queasiness out of the corner of his eye, he becomes determined not to give Bowser the benefit of seeing his rival running out screaming.

When they enter the room where Bowser had his trans-dimensional phone booth, Mario instantly spots a certain two tailed fox building another phone booth with headphones on. Mario can faintly hear metal coming out of the head phones, and all those weeks of Tails acting like a complete ass during the Olympics floods back into his memories. But he once again becomes curious.

“What’s Tails doing here?” asks Mario quizzically

“Kammy brought Tails here to rebuild the trans-dimensional phone booth” says Bowser coolly

“He built it fast”

“When he saw the blueprints for it he laughed at its simplicity”

Bowser escorts Mario to a table that has three backpacks on it; there is also a crate next to the table that has a hammer and two maces wrapped in bubble wrap. Each one is the respective color and symbol of Mario, Wario, and Waluigi. Bowser opens up Mario’s sack and shows him the contents: four red mushrooms, four fire flowers, and four feathers.

“Are you putting me in a warzone” jokes Mario

“Close enough to one” says Bowser dryly

Bowser pulls out the hammer from the crate and hands it to Mario. Mario carefully unwraps it and turns it in his hands. The hammer looks a lot like the hammer he usually uses, but its lighter and has a better grip.

Bowser smirks and says “You can thank Karl for that”

Mario nods approvingly and sets the hammer next to his backpack, and then nods at the two maces in the crate.

“What’s with the maces?” asks Mario

“Those are ours” says Wario proudly

Wario and Waluigi approach Mario and Bowser with their noses in the air and bloody tissue shoved up their noses.

“Karl?” says Bowser

“Karl” replies Wario

“Karl’s fist” adds Waluigi

“Karl’s knee”

“Karl’s shell”

“Karl’s claws”

“Karl’s cold piercing red eyes”

“Both of you shut up” snaps Bowser

They obey.

“All done!” hollers Tails

Tails flies next to Bowser while wiping his greasy hands on an equally dirty rag; his headphones are pulled down over his neck now and he turned off his music. When he sees Mario they greet each other politely, and then he turns his attention to Bowser.

“The transport is ready to go” says Tails cheerfully

“Excellent” says Bowser as he rubs his hands together “Mario, Wario, and Waluigi, you know what to do”

Wario and Waluigi grab their gear without hesitation and head to the phone booth, but Mario remains standing in his spot.

“Hold on a second,” says Mario sternly “how do I know that this thing won’t explode on us?”

“Well for one, I built all by myself” says Tails “And two,  this thing doesn’t have all the complicated mechanics of different engines from different dimensions, unlike E Gadd’s ship, therefore the chances of Mysterious Explosions have been brought down to about, oh, nineteen point six three percent”

“…Okay, I’m lost”

“Okay, E Gadd used different parts for his ship, right?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see anything that would transport people to other dimensions” ‘Like I would know what one looks like anyway’

“Well he did, and when you mix different parts of vehicles together, especially a Shaw-Fujikawa Trans-Light engine, then the worst case scenario is the ship implodes and the best case scenario is the ship explodes”

Mario’s jaw drops and all kinds of scenarios play out in his head where Luigi is either blown into bits or sucked away into a manmade black hole never to be seen again.

“So Luigi dies either way!” yells Mario horrifyingly

“No, I put ejection seats in and an advanced warning system to alert the passengers if something goes haywire” states Tails calmly “Besides, I used a special glue that lowered the chance of the explode-implode scenarios down to almost thirteen percent. All E Gadd had to do was wait for it to dry. But if he left while the glue was still wet…well then the chances are quadrupled”

“You aren’t making me feel any better”

“Sorry, Mario, but those are just the facts”

Bowser suddenly shoves a bag of gold coins in Tails’s hands.

“Fantastic, here’s your pay” says Bowser impatiently

“Um…thanks…I wasn’t expecting to get paid, though” says Tails

“Well if you don’t want it then I’ll gladly take it all back”

“No, no, I’m good. Thanks for the pay”

Bowser and Tails shake hands and then Tails turns to Mario.

“By the way, Sonic says you still owe him a hover board” says Tails

“I already gave him a new one” says Mario harshly

“It was pink, though, and he wanted blue”

“Tell that pin cushion they sell spray paint at the local home improvement store”

Tails chuckles and walks away whistling blissfully with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Bowser shakes his head while motioning Mario to get into the phone booth. But Mario folds his arms across his chest and stares at Bowser without moving from his spot.

“Tell me everything you can about Rex first” says Mario sternly

Wario and Waluigi walk up to the two rivals while Bowser sighs irritably and walks away mumbling about getting a profile sent down.

“Where to start is the problem. All we know is that he is a very fast, and very strong, yoshi” says Wario

“Not to mention psychotic” adds Waluigi

“Yeah, he’s like a psychotic, super-fast, super-strong demon from the twelfth ring of Hell”

“That’s it? You have nothing about his past or anything?” questions Mario

Bowser tosses a folder to Mario and when he catches it he flips it open and finds that they have barely three sheets of information on their target. Mario briefly wonders how Bowser was able to get the profile that quick, but then thinks that it’s better to just blame freaky fast delivery on magic.

‘Kammy or Kamek probably teleported it down or something’ thinks Mario as he quickly flips through the profile

“Everything we have on him is in that folder,” states Bowser “what we know is that he grew up on Yoshi Island and, according to our shrinks, there are only two possible reasons why he turned out this way. He’s either a full on narcissistic sociopath, or he got punches instead of hugs”

Mario reads the report of the first encounter the Koopa Troopas had with him. An entire yoshi village had been razed and all they could find of the villagers were charred skeletons in fire pits. They found him celebrating this “victory” with some followers and an attempt to capture him led to horrifyingly bloody results that were not in their favor.

“Rex led a war party of vicious yoshis that attacked everyone and everything. It didn’t matter if you were a toad, a koopa, or a yoshi, if you were his target you were dead” continues Bowser

Mario looks at Rex’s profile picture. Even when he was captured he smiled like he had won the lottery.

“When I dispatched the Koopa Brothers to capture Rex and his goons they lost almost all of their soldiers and came back wounded. Black had to get a facial reconstructive surgery; Yellow needed a new arm; and Red almost bled to death. Only Green was able to subdue him”

Mario closes the profile and looks at Bowser.

“And now you want me to go and capture Rex, even though he almost killed your best fighters” says Mario grimly

“No, not capture…Kill” replies Bowser in a far grimmer, no-nonsense, tone

Mario and Bowser stare at each other; Mario understands the situation, but he does not like the idea of being an assassin, even if it means killing a very bad yoshi. But Mario can also tell that Bowser is not willing to compromise his position. Mario looks over at Wario and Waluigi and sees that they look surprised by Bowser’s mission. When they were told to get Mario it was so they can use his yoshi expertise to capture Rex, but now they are drawn into a kill order.

“You are, without a doubt, one of the finest fighters in the Mushroom World, and this is a situation where we must put aside our differences, lest we want to suffer unimaginable consequences” says Bowser reasonably

There is a moment of heavy, anxious silence before Wario chimes in.

“Wait, wha-what happened to uh um capturing Rex?” stutters Wario

“He’s too dangerous to be left alive” snaps Bowser

“Were you going to tell us before we left?”

“I was going to tell you at the last minute so no one would argue with me”

“I am no assassin, Bowser” says Mario boldly “I will help you capture Rex, but I won’t kill him. I am not that kind of man”

Bowser snarls and stomps towards Mario while clenching his fists and snorting out fiery smoke. Wario and Waluigi jumps back out of fear of Bowser’s furious mood swing.

“You lay waste to my soldiers, wreck my fortresses, and my villages without hesitation when it comes to you and your little squeeze, but the time comes to kill an enemy that is a threat to everyone you suddenly decide you’re not an assassin!” roars Bowser

Mario remains silent, and Wario and Waluigi glance at each other nervously.

“Suddenly, just because your target has a face and a name, you decide you are too pure to kill!? Well, let me put this in perspective for you. If you let Rex live, and if he escapes again, there’s a good chance he’ll come after everyone you love. Luigi. Dead! Blue. Dead! Yellow. Dead! Princess Peach…Dead”

Bowser lowers himself to Mario’s eye level.

“Time to snap out of fantasy land, Mario, some creatures are too horrible to be spared…and Rex is one of them”

A couple minutes of heated arguing later, Mario, Wario, and Waluigi cram themselves into the phone booth and Bowser closes and locks it from the outside.

“You know what you must do” says Bowser sternly

Wario salutes and says “Of course, Bowser”

“We won’t fail you!” says Waluigi dramatically

Bowser nods and steps away. Wario types in the appropriate coordinates and warns Mario and Waluigi top hold on tight. The phone booth begins to shack and spark violently and all the lights flicker on and off sporadically. Waluigi gulps and Wario tries unsuccessfully to hide his uneasiness while Mario stays calm on the outside, but on the inside he’s worried down to the core. He doesn’t know if his brother and friends are okay, or if they will find and kill Rex (the killing part is still troublesome to him). And while all the possible scenarios play around in his head, one thing suddenly catches his attention. Wario knew exactly where to go and knew where E Gadd, Luigi, and the Dude Brothers were going. This was going to bug him.

Next thing Mario knows, there is a blinding flash of light that is replaced by psychedelic colors and lines that zoom across the window. In fact, it looks like they are going through tubes of pure energy. Waluigi loves the scenery so much he presses his face against the window and says “Ooooooooooooh”. But now that they are sort of calmly going through the space-and-time continuum, Mario takes the opportunity to get some answers.

“So how did Rex escape?” asks Mario

“Don’t know” says Wario hastily

“Alright, so how did you know that E Gadd was planning a trip to Equestria?”

“Oh, that’s simple. We were spying on him”

“What! Why were you guys spying on E Gadd?”

“We were bored”

“And spying is fun!” says Waluigi happily “Oooh….colors. Lots and lots and lots of colors of colorfulness”

Wario and Mario look at each other. For once, Mario is actually worried about the wellbeing of Waluigi.

“Shouldn’t we pull him away from the window?” asks Mario worryingly

“Nah, he’ll be fine” says Wario casually “Besides, it’s not like he’s going to go blind or anything”

The unnaturally bright light returns without any warning and practically burns the group’s shadow into the phone booth. Wario and Mario instantly shield their eyes and Waluigi shrieks at octaves that are unnaturally high to humans.

“MY EYES!” shrieks Waluigi

+++++

At the Royal Palace…

The moon is full and bright; the stars flicker peacefully and give the sky the beauty that sunlight cannot. There is nothing but tranquility in the Royal Palace, and that is part of the reason why the night guards love it. When there is nothing but peaceful silence, everything is magnified. Thoughts become clearer, buildings become more beautiful, palace art can be enjoyed without the background chatter, and those day guards and all their overinflated egos are locked away in their own barracks, bringing in the ultimate level of inner-tranquility.

Colt and L Roy got the privilege of being transferred to the Royal Palace, specifically the Royal Gardens, after “capturing” the two petty thieves. Apparently those two had connections to the Flim Flam brothers so the Royal Guard called Colt and L Roy’s capture a job well done. However, the two unicorns tried to explain that it was Mare-Do-Well who caught the criminals, they just dragged them in. That only sped up the transfer. While Colt took the news of transfer very well in Shining Armor’s office, L Roy has a feeling the rushed transfer was a horrible attempt to hide the ever growing incompetence in the Royal Guard. However, Colt didn’t complain, he was happy to be transferred to the Royal Gardens; he apparently loves flowers and anything to do with gardening.

“That explains the sunflower cutie mark” mumbles L Roy under his breath while Colt was skipping around pointing out every single plant (in its scientific name) in the garden

“Ooh, there’s some rosa rubiginosas!” chirps Colt as he bends down to sniff a bundle of roses

L Roy rolls his eyes.

“Colt, I know that your generation is all about expressing your inner self and being true to all your feelings and all that other lovey-dubby crap, but for the love of Luna please act like a stallion” says L Roy as politely as he could, but it still turned out to be a toned down tongue lashing

Colt becomes a bit hurt by what L Roy had said, but when he looks behind the older stallion he sees why he said what he said. There is a group of experienced Night Guards snickering at them like fillies in a schoolyard.

“No, it’s quiet alright,” says a Pegasus Night Guard “let the little colt express himself”

“Yeah, we don’t want to hurt the younger generation’s feelings” chimes in an earth pony Night Guard

“Shouldn’t you ponies be doing something important, like, oh I don’t know, patrolling!” growls L Roy

The guards laugh and resume their patrols, and L Roy glances at Colt.

“See what I mean” grumbles L Roy

Colt nods, but half way through his nodding he stops and looks up at the sky with a mixed look of wonder, curiosity and concern. L Roy also looks up and sees an object falling out of the sky. Both of the Guards’ eyes widen and they bolt for cover.

“Incoming!” screams L Roy

A second later, a smoking phone booth lands a few feet away from where Colt and L Roy were standing moments ago. The impact left a small crater and scattered and blew away loose grass, leaves, and flowers petals. The Night Guards are quick to shine a light on the strange object and even quicker to surround it.

“What is it?” asks Colt shakily

L Roy levitates a spear and cautiously approaches it.

“I don’t know, but I’m checking it out” says L Roy boldly

***

Mario blinks away the colorful dots floating around in his vision and then tenderly rubs his eyes.

“Jeeze, that was bright” grumbles Wario

“I think I just lost my vision” says Waluigi in an eerily calm tone

Waluigi blinks a couple of times before nodding as if in total acceptance of what just happened.

“Yep, I’m blind”

“That’s what you get for sticking your face against the window, ya moron” says Wario impatiently

Mario hands Waluigi a mushroom, which he eats without hesitation and when his vision returns, he smiles and thanks Mario.

“Don’t mention it” says Mario while pulling open the door “All we have to do is find my bother and friends and Rex, and then-”

Shhhhhhhnk!

Mario freezes, Wario and Waluigi’s eyes widen, and then all three of them slowly put their hands in the air. Blocking their exit is a group of unicorns wearing menacing dark armor levitating barbed spears at them, and from the looks of it, they are on a hair trigger.

“Well shit me a brick and call me phlegm!” exclaims Wario

Mario sighs heavily while closing his eyes. They are in for a long mission.

***

Luna is sitting on her special throne in the throne room of the Royal Palace. During the day, Celestia had the throne made out of gold and wood painted white, with all kinds of decorations bringing glory to the sun (and daytime in general). But when Luna takes over for the night, she switches out her older sister’s throne with her own special throne; this irks her sister all the time, but she thinks she deserves her own special throne. The one Luna is sitting in is considerably smaller, due to the major size difference between her and Celestia, and simpler. It’s colored in midnight blue with a moon stitched on the back. However, she has an extra fluffy cushion that she purposefully made to outmatch her sister’s seat in comfort. She’s been on the moon for a thousand years, she deserves a fluffy seat.

After Nightmare Night, Luna had wanted to explore more of Equestria and see how much things have changed (she especially wanted to visit new places called “night clubs”). However, Celestia has been stern about what and where Luna does and goes. It’s aggravating to the night princess since and she’s been contemplating on whether or not she should defy her sister and have some fun at these “night clubs”.

“Buck it, I’m getting outta here” says Luna defiantly

She spreads her wings and prepares to fly out the window, but then the throne room doors are flung open via magic and a small army of her Night Guards march in. Luna quickly sits down and pretends to be preening her feathers.

“Your Majesty, we caught a group of invaders” boasts the lead guard, an aged unicorn with a small beard

Luna looks up and the Night Guards part ways to reveal a group of three cuffed bipedal ape looking things with very little fur on their bodies, and wearing plain clothing. The first one is chubby, and wearing a red hat and a red sweater with blue overalls, work shoes (or were they boots?), and white gloves; he also has a thick mustache, and judging by his confident stature, Luna’s guessing he’s the leader. The second one is obese, has purple overalls, elf looking shoes, and a yellow hat and sweater with sleeves cut off near the shoulders. He also has a zigzag-y mustache and white gloves. The last is the tallest, skinniest, and creepiest, of the three. Like the obese one, he has a zigzag like mustache and elf shoes, but he’s wearing a purple hat and sweater under dark blue overalls. His face is also pointy, unlike the other two whose faces are pudgy.

Luna stares at the odd creatures, and one of the new guards, Colt, trots up her with three levitating bags (one red, one yellow, and one purple) and shows her the contents. This raises more questions for her since they look completely worthless. What were these visitors (or invaders as the guards say) planning on doing with mushrooms, flowers, and feathers? And why do the plants have faces!

The other new guard, L Roy, lifts up a hammer and two maces for Luna to see.

“This is all they had on them, Your Majesty” says L Roy professionally

“Can we keep them?” asks Colt childishly

L Roy face-hoofs.

“Bring them forward” orders Luna

The Night Guards escort the prisoners to Luna and she glides down towards them and studies each of them. They are definitely not from Equestria.

The fat one in yellow leans next to the one in red and whispers something that makes his stoic expression contort into a look of disgust and smack him over the head with his cuffed hands. The yellow one winces and tries fruitlessly to rub the spot that was slapped, while the creepy one in purple snickers.

“What are you doing here” demands Princess Luna

The three stare at her, their faces as blank as a fresh chalkboard, and then they glance at each other and shrug.

“[What’d she say?]” asks the yellow one

“[Why are you asking me? I don’t speak horse]” answers the one in red

“[Gentlemen, allow me]” says the one in purple

The purple one clears his throat and steps forward.

“Purple pickles lunatic boobs kill rabies. I ate a pencil” he says while smiling proudly

The room falls deathly quiet, and Luna’s brain literally dies from the complete nonsense that came out of the creature’s mouth.

***

Mario and Wario look at the guards uneasily, everyone seems confused, some guards even whisper amongst themselves and shrug while shaking their heads, and the winged unicorn looks like she’s contemplating on whether or not she should zap Waluigi for his stupidity.

“Waluigi, what exactly did you say?” asks Mario worryingly

“I have no idea. I just made horse sounds” says Waluigi nervously while forcing his grin to stay

“Great, we’re dead” says Wario angrily

***

Princess Luna turns to L Roy and Colt. She could tell by the tone that those things used that they did not approve what their partner had said…if he even knew what he had said. But at least she knows that the purple creep is referred to as “Waluigi”, so they got some progress.

“They obviously do not speak our language” states Luna “Keep them locked in the guest chambers with guards watching them closely. We shall consult our sister on what do with them”

‘Dang it, she’s doing that third pony thing again’ “Yes, Your Majesty” says L Roy

“We want you and your partner to watch them personally”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You and your partner are to watch them until we return”

“Oh…of course Your Majesty”

***

A few minutes pass before Mario’s group is put inside a large extravagant room with a single round bed that has silky lavender blankets and pillows. The room has a great view of a city that looks like a modern city, which surprises Mario since this planet is dominated by ponies. Most of the guards have left, only two remain, and they are both unicorns. One is young with some kind of sunflower mark tattooed on his flank, and the other is older (and sterner) and has an axe on his flank. Mario makes a mental note not to tick off the older pony.

Wario runs his hand along the sheets of the bed before testing the softness of the mattress. It’s godly.

“Waluigi, feel the mattress” says Wario dreamily

Waluigi feels the mattress and nods approvingly.

“This is a soft mattress” says Waluigi

“Yeah” sighs Wario “I wonder why they put us in here”

Mario looks out the window and sees a big pink zeppelin with three party balloons floating in lazy circles over what looks like a stadium. He walks on the balcony to get a closer look, and to get a better view of the city in general. He easily spots some Pegasi watching him closely, but thinks nothing of it. If for some reason he has to fight his way out then it’ll be a breeze. He’s fought more terrifying things than ponies. Things like Tabuu and Giga Bowser.

‘That company is everywhere’ thinks Mario while staring at the zeppelin

“Do you think we’ll have to spend the night here?” asks Waluigi

“If we are, I’m calling dibs on the bed” says Wario

“The bed is plenty for both of us, though”

“I am not sharing a bed with other men”

Mario sighs and walks back into the room to defuse the situation. The last thing they need is to have a brawl in a palace over a bed.

“Wario, that bed is huge, there will be nothing wrong with sharing it if comes down to that” says Mario sternly

“Mario,” begins Wario snobbishly “the Guy Code is very clear about what is gay and what is not. Such as, using a urinal next another guy is gay, and sharing a bed with another guy is gay”

“What about exchanging underwear?” asks Waluigi slowly while rubbing his chin as if in deep thought

Mario and Wario stare at Waluigi awkwardly. A moment later, Wario pats Mario on his shoulder and tells him that he’ll be outside for some desperately needed fresh air.

***

Luna silently flies into Celestia’s room. Just like everything her sister owns her room is a representation of everything pertaining to the sun and daytime. The walls are painted white with gold decorations, and it’s very open and airy, even in the night the decorations in the room glow in the dark because of glow-in-the-dark paint. In the center of the room is Celestia’s ridiculously large bed; it is shaped like a sun with golden sheets and fluffy white pillows, and Celstia is smack-dab in the middle of the bed, curled up and hugging a pillow under the comfort of her blanket.

Luna carefully hops on Celestia’s bed and approaches her with even more caution. If anything has remained the same over the last one thousand years, it’s that Celestia turns into the ultimate bitch when she’s awaken prematurely.

“No, Discord, don’t use caramel” mumbles Celestia in her sleep

Her leg twitches slightly before tightening her grip on her pillow. Luna stops, and blinks, and then she stops herself from thinking about what twisted combination could involve Discord, Celestia and caramel.

Luna taps Celestia’s head with her hoof and whispers “Tia, wake up”

“Not now, Luna” moans Celestia crossly while shifting slightly

Luna pulls Celestia’s blanket away and tries waking her up again, but Celestia uses her teeth to pull her sheets back over her head. Luna hops on the other side of Celestia and magically pulls the blanket off. Celestia instantly cringes and curls up into a ball, or as tight of a ball as an equine can get, and folds her wing over her head.

“Not now, Luna” repeats Celestia

“BUT THERE ARE ALIENS IN THE PALACE!!!” says Luna in the Royal Canterlot Voice, causing all loose items to be blown away and the room to shake by the volume of her voice

Celestia screams and jumps up on all four hooves, unintentionally creates a flash of light as bright as the sun, and begins breathing heavily. Her eyes also shoot wide open and her wings pop out at full span; thankfully Luna didn’t get a wing to the face. Luna instantly covers her mouth with her hooves and fears that her sister might lash out for destroying her eardrums.

“Sorry, Tia, but we have a small problem” says Luna meekly “There are-”

Luna cocks her head and gets a “What-the-hay” look when she hears her sister snore and sees her wings lazily droop down to her sides. Luna carefully walks to the front of her sister and sees that she’s, once again, fast asleep, only this time she’s standing up and drooling out of the corner of her mouth. Luna sighs and lightly pushes the sun goddess over. She falls over like a sack of bricks and after landing on the bed she quickly curls up again and giggles sleepily while stroking her golden blanket.

“I love your scales” purrs Celestia in her sleep

Luna rolls her eyes and flies out of the room; her sister will be more of a hindrance than anything else in her current state and besides, she really doesn’t want to spend any more time in Celestia’s room. She had forgotten how weird her sister can be when she’s in a deep sleep.

Luna flies back to the room where the aliens are being kept and asks L Roy and Colt if they got anything out of their observations.

“The one in red is referred to as ‘Mario’, the yellow tub of lard is called ‘Wario’, and the tall creep is ‘Waluigi’. So far they haven’t caused any trouble, but they do appear confused as to why they are being held, Princess” says L Roy

“Waluigi keeps saying random things to me” comments Colt uneasily

Waluigi taps Wario on the shoulder and points to Luna and Wario calls Mario. Mario walks out from the balcony and approaches Luna. Luna extends her hoof and Mario shakes it with a confused look, and Luna is also confused by this gesture, but she doesn’t hold it against him. She guesses that the shaking is a cultural thing.

“You must be their leader, Mario, you may call us Princess Luna” says Luna

“[I am sorry, but I have no idea what you just said]” says Mario apologetically

“We are sorry, but we do not understand your tongue”

“[Yeah…look can we get our stuff and go? We have important work to do]”

“Are you hungry? You do not seem like the type to pose a threat to us, despite your interesting anatomy, so I will label you as guests”

“[Okay, how should I do this…Waluigi can you help out here?]”

“[Certainly]” says Waluigi excitedly as he skips towards Mario and Luna

‘Oh no’ “No, it is quiet alright, his presence is not required” says Luna uneasily

“Greetings major tomato! My name is cup and I love your flank hairball mittens!” beams Waluigi

Luna has nothing to say to that, so she leaves the room immediately without saying a word.

“[Smooth, Waluigi]” growls Mario

“[Hey, you asked, I provided]” says Waluigi smugly

In the hallway, Luna sighs and orders the guards to bring the “guests” some food. The guards nod and walk away while Luna trots in the opposite direction towards the throne room. This was going to be a long night, she just knew it.

Part 4

Part 4

+++++

Luigi and Blue stumble out of the dreaded Everfree forest and into a surprisingly peaceful spot occupied by a cabin built into a tree with a mini-zoo of animals living there. Luigi practically shouts with relief and runs as fast as his tired legs could carry him to that slice of heaven. Blue begs Luigi to slow down, since he’s more tired than Luigi, but Luigi doesn’t stop. He wants to get away from that forest and he wants a nice cup of tea or coffee or an energy drink or a freaking muffin! He wants something edible to take his mind off of the Hell he’s just been through. As he runs towards the house his grin grows wider and his pupils expand and sparkle. The house glitters like it was a gift from God Himself and the noises the animals make sound like a cheering crowd urging the last place marathon runner to finish it. All he hears and sees is goodness. Blue’s protests are completely ignored as Luigi can only pay attention to the happy thoughts swimming in his mind. Luigi laughs joyously as he pushes against the door, but then all the good things in the world die when he finds out that it is locked. Luigi curses and pushes harder against it. Nothing. Luigi screams furiously as he tries helplessly to push the door open.

In a normal situation, Blue would’ve been laughing seeing the usually timid Luigi acting like a nut trying to open the door. But after what they had just experienced in the forest, Blue doesn’t want to push his luck. He’s sure Luigi is on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Luigi, maybe…maybe we should find somewhere else to go” Blue says carefully

“No! No! Nonononono! Nooo!” screams Luigi frantically

“Luigi-”

Luigi pounds on the door and screams “LET US IN!” at the top of his lungs; which was surprisingly loud and terrifying for Blue. The animals scatter and Luigi grinds his teeth and his face grows redder than a cooked lobster and if he was a cartoon character, smoke would be pouring out of his ears.

“Luigi, you need to calm down”

Luigi clenches his fists and turns to Blue, his eye is twitching and he has a crazed smile.

“Sure thing, Blue, good ole timid Green Mario will calm down” says Luigi eerily

“Uh…are you okay?” asks Blue worryingly

“I am perfectly fine. I just need to stretch my legs”

“Really? We’ve been walking for hours. The night is almost over and-”

CRAAAAAAACK!!!

Blue’s jaw drops when he sees Luigi do a flying kick through the front door. The door is kicked clean off of its hinges and the impact of Luigi’s kick shattered it completely, sending thick splinters to fly and bounce across the peaceful cabin. Blue tries to say something, but all that comes out is a pathetic whimper.

Luigi stomps in the house and yells “Hello!? Is anybody home!? No! Okay!”

Luigi turns around and smiles psychotically at Blue.

“See, Blue, this place is abandoned” says Luigi while cackling madly

“You-you need help” stammers Blue

Luigi dismisses Blue’s statement and heads straight for the kitchen. He doesn’t take the time to marvel at the natural beauty of the cabin, all that’s on his mind is the need to feed. And while he digs through the pantries in search of something to eat, Blue cautiously walks in with his wand out. There is something ominous about the place and he can’t quiet put his finger on it until…

Clink.

Blue whirls around and sees a tipped over bottle rolling on the floor. Blue gulps and watches the bottle sway hypnotically back and forth on the floor.

“Why are there only flowers and rabbit food here?” grumbles Luigi faintly

Blue hears little feet patter across the floor and sees a shadow dart across the wall. The toad’s heartbeat speeds up and his throat instantly becomes dry and he aims his wand at the suspected source of the slightest noise.

“Luigi,” whimpers Blue “we’re not alone”

“Looks like its flower salad. Now where’s a knife?” Luigi says while he yanks out a large assortment of food from the cabinets

Blue slowly backs up towards the kitchen with his wand defensively in front of him. His eyes dart in every direction and the simple, yet horrifying sounds, get more frequent and more intense. Like a drape fluttering, the scampering, some magazines sliding off of the table, and scraping. Then Blue sees it, the shadow. The shadow rises out of the floor and takes up the whole wall. The shadow raises a shadowy knife and Blue lets out a high pitched scream and runs into the kitchen and hides behind Luigi, shaking, and wetting himself once again. Luigi scowls and shoves Blue away.

“You peed on me, Blue!” snaps Luigi

“But-but-but there’s something in the house. Something…something evil” whispers Blue

Luigi tries without much success to get rid of the urine on his leg.

“Seriously, Blue, you just emptied yourself in the forest -three times! - and now you did it in here! On my leg! No salad for you!”

Luigi pushes a plate of salad away from Blue, not that Blue could’ve reached it anyway from its original spot, but Luigi did it as a message. Luigi picks up one of the flowers and turns in in between his fingers.

“Blue, I know you and I are considered the group cowards, but for our sakes we have to toughen up” says Luigi sternly “Besides, no one is here so relax”

Luigi opens his mouth to eat the flower, but a kitchen knife flies out of the darkness and impales the flower into the cupboard behind him. Luigi freezes in place and his eyes slide towards where the flower went and sees the knife still shaking from impact. The flower falls to the ground in pieces a second later. Luigi screams and ducks down with his hands over his head.

“What the heck was that!” cries Luigi

“A demon” whispers Blue

“Kill it”

“What?”

“Kill the demon”

“Why am I the one who has to kill the demon?”

“You’re the one with the wand”

“No, you are!”

Blue shoves the wand in Luigi’s hand and Luigi frowns and shoves it back to Blue.

“I don’t know how to use a wand” Luigi says hastily

Blue tosses it back to Luigi.

“It’s easy, just point and shoot” says Blue

Luigi and Blue are too busy bickering amongst themselves about who gets to kill the “demon” to realize that the ominous shadow is approaching them. By the time the shadow is towering over them, they make up their mind.

“Fine!” yells Luigi “I’ll kill the demon!”

“You sure about that?” asks Blue uneasily

Luigi yanks the wand away from Blue and jumps to his feet, only to see a small, white bunny staring at him. Luigi cocks his head quizzically, and then smiles; he is completely oblivious to the murderous glare the bunny is giving him.

“Well aren’t you a little angel” coos Luigi

The bunny jumps up and kicks Luigi in the nose. Luigi swears and stumbles back into the pantry while clutching his nose. The rabbit jumps off of the counter, and after landing on the floor it bounces up and kicks him in the crotch. Luigi groans painfully as he clutches his manhood while curling up in the fetal position. To him, it felt like someone took a sledgehammer and popped the two things no man wishes to see popped.

“Why me” sobs Luigi

“Use the wand!” says Blue loudly

The bunny turns to Blue and cracks his knuckles and neck and then kicks the wand away. Blue stands up and puts his hands out defensively.

“Now hold on a second, little rabbit,” says Blue uneasily “we can negotiate something”

***

Agent Hush-Hush and a group of four unicorns, and four Pegasi carrying cages, approach Fluttershy’s cabin with the sole purpose of apprehending the aliens. A couple of their Pegasus scouts reported where they were heading and after the fiasco at Sweet Apple Acres, Hush-Hush is not willing to take any chances. They will go in, paralyze them with some magic, tie them up, and then bring them back to their ship for questioning. Simple as pie. But then again, Hush-Hush never liked pie because it always seemed so complicated to him. Simple as a sandwich works better for him.

“When we get in there, do not hesitate to use your strongest paralyzation spell” orders Hush-Hush

The unicorns nod and when Hush-Hush sees the shattered door, he’s relieved that Fluttershy wasn’t around. In normal situations it would seem twisted to be thanking Celestia that somepony is in a hospital rather than in the comfort of their own home. But only a savage can mangle a door like that, and he’s seen what those mushroom heads are capable of and there is no way he would let those things get close to another pony.

“You know what to do” Hush-Hush says ominously

The unicorns cautiously approach the cabin with their horns glowing, but they stop in their tracks when a blue headed mushroom alien flies through the front window and bounces a couple of times across the lawn before sliding to a stop in front of Hush-Hush. It groans and tries to stand up using Hush-Hush as support. The stallion jumps back and point at it.

“What are you waiting for? Zap it!” barks Hush-Hush

The unicorns quickly zap the alien and he becomes encased in a cocoon made up of different colors. The alien can’t even scream or move his eyes; he can only stare in horror as Hush-Hush towers over him.

“Take it away” orders Hush-Hush

A couple of the Pegasi Hush-Hush brought swoop down and put the alien in a cage and fly away, all within ten seconds. Hush-Hush nods towards the unicorns and they continue to approach the cabin. They hear more struggling inside. And from the sounds of it, the struggle is incredibly violent.

“[You freaking rabbit! I’m gonna kill you!]” screams the alien inside

A unicorn takes a step back, but Hush-Hush forces her to continue forward. When they get inside they see something more horrifying than a mushroom creature. They see something that looks like a cross between a reptile and an ape. It stands on two legs, but has next to no fur, except for a thick patch on its face, and its wearing green clothing and strangling a bunny. The carnivorous fiend was trying to eat a bunny!

“[Not so strong when getting strangled, are you!]” roars the alien

Hush-Hush’s jaw drops and he points at the creature with a shaky hoof.

“Get it! Get it!” barks Hush-Hush

The new alien looks at them and its eyes widen when the unicorns launch their paralyzation spell at it. All four magical salvos hit the creature in the chest and he falls to the ground and the cocoon freezes him at an awkward angle. Hush-Hush approaches the alien and watches it intently as the Pegasi drag it to their cage. When the alien is locked away, Hush-Hush realizes how much he had been sweating and quickly wipes away the sweat on his face.

“What’s next, sir?” asks one of the unicorns

Hush-Hush puts on the cocky smile he’s known for and looks at the unicorn.

“Simple, we continue our search for more of these aliens” says Hush-Hush casually; but on the inside, he’s screaming and running in circles

“Of course, sir.”

“And get me in contact with Lock N. Key”

“Yes sir”

The unicorn trots away and Hush-Hush looks up at the sky, at nothing in particular, and then he takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. If Equestria is facing an alien invasion, then Celestia help them.

+++++

At Canterlot...

Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun and one of the rulers of Equestria, wakes up after her healthy eight hours of sleep. She slides out from under her covers, stretches herself out and then rubs her ear. Her ear feels numb, like somepony had screamed in it. But she quickly forgets about the numbness, it’s something a quick shower and some healing magic can easily fix. So Celestia takes her warm shower, heals her ears, puts on her freshly polished armor, and then spends an hour reading fan mail. After going through the daily routine, she heads up to relieve her sister of her nightly duties, and to switch out the thrones...again.

Celestia walks into the throne room right as the Royal Guard relieve the Night Guards and she switches out the thrones. The wall spins like a revolving door and Luna’s throne  is switched out with Celestia’s bright and extravagant throne. The switching of the thrones is not a difficult task, but it’s so simple that its annoying.

“Why must Luna do that every night” mumbles Celestia to herself

Celestia then heads up towards the astronomy tower where her sister is. Usually.

When Celestia gets to the top, she doesn’t find Luna anywhere. She isn’t peering through the  telescope, reading, reviewing new bills. She is completely absent.

“Maybe she’s in the garden”

Celestia uses the telescope to search the gardens for her sister. And just like  the tower, she’s nowhere to be found. Celestia frowns and tries to think where else her sister might be. Is she in the kitchen? She knows she’s not allowed in there after the microwave fiasco. Or is she  in her room playing video games? That can’t possibly be right, since Celestia banished her game console to the moon after Luna’s “rage quit” resulted in a fireball burning the hallway and Prince Blueblood’s mane. Where in Equestria is Luna!?

“There you are Tia!” says Luna suddenly

Celestia jumps and turns to Luna. She wants to ask where she’s been, but when she sees the worried smile on her sister’s face she begins to worry that something is wrong.

“Luna, what’s wrong?” asks Celestia

“We have aliens in the palace” replies Luna

Celestia stares at Luna and makes a mental note to hide all the sci-fi horror movies. But Luna looks genuinely worried and goes on a tangent about how they appeared in the garden, their vehicle is locked away in the Palace basement, they look weird, one of them keeps trying to speak their language, and they are anxious about something. Before Luna can go any farther with her tangent, Celestia puts her hoof over Luna’s mouth and forces herself to smile.

“Luna, relax,” says Celestia calmly “you’re going to collapse if you don’t breath anytime soon”

Luna brushes Celestia’s hoof away.

“But Tia, there are aliens in the Palace!” cries Luna

“Okay, fine, take me to these ‘aliens’” says Celestia, her voice dripping with skepticism and sarcasm

***

Celestia is staring at Mario, Wario, and Waluigi. She is completely dumbfounded, a loss for words,  and other things that are used to describe a fried brain.

“The chubby red one is Mario, the ugly yellow one is Wario, and the creepy purple one is Waluigi. He’s also the one that is always trying to talk to us” Luna says as she points to each one

She then whispers “I think Waluigi is the designated translator, but he sucks at his job” in Celestia’s ear.  Celestia takes a deep breath and expands her wings to show her dominance. Wario and Waluigi take a step back, but Mario doesn’t flinch.

“Aliens, I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria-”

“Co-Ruler” corrects Luna

“Luna, you already talked about this”

Luna sulks and Celestia goes back to greeting the aliens. She’s really nervous right now, and she’s worried that her nervous sweating can be seen, or worse, smelled, by these aliens, but she still keeps a strong stance and stern look. Centuries of practice have given her the ability to remain calm (or at least look calm) in the most unnerving of situations.

“As the ruler of Equestria, I offer my apologies for your situation, but I am also curious as to why you are here”

Waluigi clears his throat and Mario and Wario instantly turned to their friend with horrified looks plastered on their face.

“[Don’t you dare]” says Mario threateningly

“[But she is communicating with us. We must bridge the gaps to form an ever lasting bond with these beautiful creatures]” says Waluigi poetically

“[You sound like an idiot]” snaps Wario

“[I’m going to do it ]”

“[No you’re not!]” yells Mario and Wario in unison

“Your Numbers, I am Zogarth the Queen,  planters of cats, mutilators of chickadees, and I come in muffins”

Celestia can only blink at the insane statement, and Wario and Mario face palm. Luna, however, holds back her giggles, it's not often she sees her sister caught off guard about something. Especially if that something is a stupid statement.

“Told you Waluigi sucks at his job” says Luna smugly

“My dogs and me have traveled from sets to eat babies and spread forth dirt of cheese and balls” continues Waluigi

“[Waluigi, shut up]” says Mario through gritted teeth

“Will you marry filly” concludes Waluigi

Celestia stares at Waluigi in silence. There is no way any intelligent species would say something as nonsensical as that! Not even Pinkie Pie says things that weird and she’s Pinkie Pie! One of the oddest mares ever born!

Celestia smacks her lips together and looks around the room, trying to think of a response. But she comes up with nothing. Absolutely nothing. She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly through her nose, and then turns and leaves the room. Luna watches Celestia leave the room and she briefly looks at the aliens before galloping after her sister.

“[I think we’re making progress]” says Waluigi confidently

Mario and Wario turn their heads slowly to glare at Waluigi.

***

In the hallway Luna trots after Celestia, her older sister is walking in a trance, like what she had heard was the most horrible thing ever uttered.

“Tia, are you okay?” asks Luna worryingly

“Tia is going to raise the sun” says Celestia monotoned

Luna stops walking and watches her sister walk away in her trance like state in total silence. She knows she’ll have to take drastic actions to ensure that her sister, or any pony for that matter, will never again suffer through the traumatic events caused by language barriers. She takes a deep breath, ruffles up her feathers, and boldly marches back to the room where the aliens are with a clear goal in mind.

She’s going to teach them Equestrian.

++++

AUTHOR’S NOTE

++++

Well, I was going to make this chapter longer, but there are quiet a  few things happening right now that makes progress for this oddball of a story slow. So, I figured I’d leave it off on a lighter note, even though I said there is a possibility of this installment being dark. But just so you get an idea of what Equestrian is, have a look at these videos that were developed after many hours, possibly days, of research.

(No, they are not mine)

My Real Ponies

More Real Ponies

Part 6

Part 6

+++++

At Ponyville…

Rarity is sitting in her Boutique trying to keep her mind preoccupied with working on a commissioned outfit for Fancy Pants’ new line of clothes. He wanted something rustic to honor the rural communities of Equestria. Or so he says. The city ponies have taken a sudden fascination for rustic things, granted that she finds nothing wrong with it (she lives in a small town after all!) but it irks her to think that Fancy Pants is pretending to care about something he really doesn’t care about.

Rarity takes a small break to sip some tea and have a quick read of what the Canterlot Times have to say.

“The ‘3 Barns Up Charity Concert’ is suspected to be the largest charity event in Equestria history. Bringing together every major corporation and even getting funding from the Royal Family. Prince Blueblood is…” reads Rarity out loud

After seeing Prince Blueblood’s name appear, she gags and tosses the newspaper away. If there is any pony beyond redemption. it is him. If there is any pony Rarity hates with a burning passion, it is him. If Doctor Whooves was an actual time traveler, and not some pony obsessed with time and tea, then she would force him to force herself not to waste her time at the Gala with him. How that would work…she doesn’t know, but that is why there are plans! And that is why Rarity needs to get back to work because she’s becoming side tracked with frivolous matters.

“Back to work, Rarity” Rarity tells herself

Rarity goes back to her sewing and hums lightly to herself. But when she adds a pink strand to the outfit she’s working on, a sudden thought crosses her mind. What has happened to Pinkie Pie and E Gadd? She hoping that they are doing okay; E Gadd seems like a nice alien and Pinkie Pie...is just Pinkie Pie. She’s a sweetheart, just like all her friends.

“No! No time for distractions! Must work” says Rarity

Then she hears her Boutique door bell jingle, and she immediately stops working and a smile crosses her face. A customer just walked in! A customer means bits! Bits means she can finally pay her bills and replace the sewing machine that Sweetie Bell had covered in glue!

“Hello and welcome to the Carousel Boutique,” says Rarity happily “I am Rarity, what can Ieeeeee...it’s you”

Lock N. Key is standing in the middle of the boutique, looking like his usual emotionless self. Standing with him are a couple of unicorns, also looking comically stern.

“Rarity, I’m going to be very quick. Where is the alien” says Lock N. Key gruffly

“The-the alien? I have no idea what your talking about” says Rarity uneasily

“Do not lie to me. You already made a bad first impression in the forest, this is a chance to redeem yourself for your stupidity. Just tell me where it is and I’ll leave”

“But-but I-I...”

Lock N. Key nods towards the unicorns flanking him and they aim their horns at Rarity and next thing she knows, she’s paralyzed! She tries moving her legs, but it’s like they are encased in stone. She tries to use her magic to push Lock N. Key away when he walks towards her, but his horn glows and deflects Rarity’s spell. When their horns are dangerously close to touching Rarity’s ears droop, and she bites her lip while shaking and whimpering.

“This won’t take long” says Lock N. Key ominously

He tilts his head so that his horn is touching Rarity’s forehead and she feels a cold, liquidly feeling pierce her forehead and go straight into her brain. She cries out in pain and tries to pull away, but she can’t. She’s locked in place. However, within a matter of three seconds the horrible feeling ends and Lock N. Key pulls away with a satisfied smirk. The spell Rarity was under dissipates and she collapses on the floor, sweating from the pain she just endured.

“I’m glad you didn’t lie, Rarity” says Lock N. Key

“Get out” says Rarity through gritted teeth

“My pleasure”

Lock N. Key and his guards walk out of the Boutique, and now Rarity only has questions as to what happened. She gallops to the window and watches Lock N. Key stroll down the street with a clear mission in mind. When he’s out of sight, Rarity puts up the “Out for Lunch” sign and hurries over to Twilight. If anypony knows what Lock N. Key did to her, it’ll be Twilight.

Usually, a quick run to Twilight’s house wouldn’t be a big deal for Rarity, but with all the ponies in suits walking around (and looking like they are ready to murder anypony) it only made it her feel even more uneasy. When she reaches Twilight’s house she bursts in without knocking.

“Twilight, I need your help!” yells Rarity urgently

“What’s wrong, sugahcube?” asks Applejack while walking out of Twilight’s room

“I need to find...what are you doing here?”

Applejack rolls her eyes and stops at the bottom of the stairs.

“Well ‘Hello’ to you too” mutters Applejack

“Sorry, sorry, I just really need Twilight’s help. Where is she?” says Rarity

“Is this about a big stallion unicorn digging through yer brain?”

“Yes!...How did you know?”

“He did the same thing t’ Twi an’ Spike”

“Oh my goddess! Are you they okay? What about you?”

“Me? I’m fine. I guess bein’ the Element o’ Honesty has a ‘Get out of Interrogation Free’ Card”

Applejack chuckles at her horrible joke, while Rarity does not look amused. So Applejack explains to Rarity what happened. A pony named Agent Lock N. Key waltz into the library, demands to know where the alien is, goes after Twilight first, and then he does the spell on Spike, and when he goes after her (Applejack) all he does to her is ask her if she’s anything out of the ordinary. Applejack explains that she told them about how she (Rarity) and Spike went out for ice cream and Pinkie Pie took the alien, Professor E Gadd, away for something.

“I reckoned he went after you for more answers” says Applejack

“You told him about me and Spike!” says Rarity horrifyingly

“Yeah, remember last time I lied? I turned all gray and got all weird n’ lazy. I gained two pounds, Rarity! Two. Pounds. Just by bein’ a liar fer a day! I will not lie again!”

Rarity stares wide eyed at Applejack. The farming pony hardly ever has outbursts, but usually when she does, it’s for a good reason. However, she doesn’t know what she’s more concerned about. Applejack worrying that she’ll lose her colors if she lies, or the fact that she’s linked weight gain to lying. Granted, she’s glad that her friend wants to look good and stay in shape...but if lying is a cause for weight gain then the politicians at Canterlot would be obese. Then Rarity remembers that most politicians are, in fact, fat. Applejack might be onto something.

“Hey, Equestria to Rarity, ya there?” says Applejack while waving her hoof in front of the unicorn’s face

Rarity snaps out of her train of thoughts and smiles sheepishly at Applejack.

“Sorry, I guess I got a little distracted” says Rarity sheepishly “Where is Spike?”

“Eatin’ ice cream in his bed” replies Applejack

“Okay, and what about Twilight?”

“Eating ice cream in her bed”

“...Twilight’s eating ice cream?”

“In her bed. No spoon”

***

Twilight is licking the remains of the chocolate ice cream out of her bucket. Her face is smeared with melted ice cream. Spike, however, is still eating his tub of ice cream, and he can’t enjoy his ice cream because of two reasons.

Reason One: he has a brain freeze. Those are never fun, especially when one’s brain hurts in the first place because of a spell that dug through memories with extreme carelessness.

Reason Two: Twilight is acting drunk for some reason. And the last thing he wants, or needs, is for her to hiccup and teleport her way into the unknown again.

“An’-an ye know anothar thing” slurs Twilight

“What, Twilight” groans Spike

“Tha agunt Luck N. Duck stale-ee-un. Whut was hiz beef? Beef...cows...mooo”

Twilight laughs and falls off of her bed right as Rarity and Applejack walk walk in. When Rarity sees Twilight’s condition she casts a worrying glance at Applejack, and Applejack informs her she’s been like that ever since Lock N. Key did his spell.

“But what on Equestria is wrong with her?” asks Rarity “It looks like she’s drunk”

“Heeeeeeyah Raritchy how are you doin’?” asks Twilight

“...I don’t know” says Applejack to Rarity

Twilight sticks her muzzle in her tub of ice cream and desperately licks the interior. When she looks up, her mouth is stuck to it, and her idiotic laughter is muffled by it. Rarity cocks her head and looks at the ice cream container. Is says “Berry Punch Ice Cream: Chocolate Flavor” with a picture of Berry Punch (looking trashed), holding up a glass of wine and smiling.

Rarity scowls and uses her magic to yank the tub away from Twilight’s mouth. Then she turns it in her magical mist until she can read the ingredients. Twilight laughs again and jumps up and down on her bed while Applejack tries to get her to relax.

“Twi, ya need t’ relax. Ya got a baby in the room” says Applejack firmly

“Babies! I luv babeez! They are sooo cute” giggles Twilight

After getting to a certain ingredient, Rarity’s eyes widen and her jaw drops, followed by her dropping the empty ice cream container. Spike only shrugs at Rarity’s reaction and continues eating his ice cream.

“That’s a special brand of ice cream Twilight bought for herself” says Spike unenthusiastically

“Spike, why don’t you um go downstairs for a moment while me and Applejack have a uh a private conversation” says Rarity

Spike stares at Rarity for a few seconds before sighing and leaving the room while mumbling something unintelligible. Rarity watches Spike sit on one of the chairs and resume eating his ice cream before she turns to Applejack.

“Applejack, do you know what this is?” asks Rarity sternly while holding the tub up

“Yeah, alcohol ice cream. I got some- I mean I had some- in my fridge before I was kicked off mah farm”

“Twilight ate a whole tub of alcohol ice cream! And...wait, did you say that you were kicked off your farm?”

“Yeah, by those fancy government agents. But, Big Mac is headin’ to Canterlot to talk to Celestia about it. Apparently he’s smarter in the ways o’ government working than I am”

“But he’s so reserved!How can he-”

“Rarity, mah brother can handle himself...as for Twilight-”

Twilight makes a sickening, gurgling sound and they hear something splash on the floor. They both slowly turn around and sees Twilight swaying with a very ugly, liquidy splotch of vomit all over her bed and on the floor. Twilight giggles and says “Oops” and then falls over unconcious.

“Ah horseapples” groans Applejack

***

Lock N. Key tightens his magical grip on Pinkie Pie’s neck. She gags and gasps for breath, but Lock N. Key remains unmoved, and he actually looks bored at Pinkie Pie’s struggling. He has her at his mercy, behind a building in the outskirts of Ponyville, and his guards are making sure no pony is coming. When he tried to use his spell to figure out where the alien is, he felt like he was in a hangover and felt a seizure coming due to all the random crap floating around in her brain. He couldn’t even tell what was real or what was fiction in the Element of Laughter’s mind. So he reverted to old fashioned techniques.

“Hiding these creatures has severe consequences” says Lock N. Key severely

“I already know that, silly” Pinkie Pie says after gulping in air

“Then you agree that I can snap your neck and bury you in an unmarked grave because of your crimes against the State”

“You won’t kill me, you’re too nice”

“Now you’re the one being silly”

Lock N. Key’s eyes narrow and the grip around Pinkie Pie’s neck tightens and her eyes roll to the back of her head and her tongue lolls out. Lock N. Key stares at her limp body and smiles proudly at his achievement, and then he unceremoniously drops her to the ground. He goes to his guards to tell them that they’ll need to dispose of a body, and when he leads them back to Pinkie Pie, all they see is dirt where she was supposed to be.

BOOM!

Lock N. Key is flung off of his feet and crashes into the wall behind him. He slumps to the ground with confetti and other “party garbage” floating around him, leaving a spider web crack on the wall he hit, and then he groans and tries to get back up. While he’s on the ground, he hears a struggle that lasted only two seconds, then he gets a hoof to his side that knocks him belly, up and after that, he gets a very, very unpleasant crushing pain in his groin. His eyes almost pop out of his skull and his lips quiver and he whimpers while curling up. Pinkie Pie stands over him, her mane and tail are no longer looking like cotton candy, but are flat and hanging down loosely. And her eyes’ cheerful glint has been replaced by a cold sinister glare. Even her bright colors seemed to darken. Behind Pinkie Pie is her smoking Party Cannon, and his two guards, knocked unconscious and hog tied with ribbons.

Lock N. Key stares at Pinkie Pie with an intense level of fear he’d never thought he’d feel as she paces circles around him. And after circling his huddled figure a few times she kneels down so that their eyes meet. For Lock N. Key, he’s usually the one who towers above the pony with a cold, murderous glare while his victim is the one filled with fear. But not this time. This time the tables are turned.

“Mr. Lock N. Key, I know you and your agents think I’m an idiot just because I am ‘bubbly’, but you should really consider a few things” Pinkie Pie says eerily

Pinkie Pie lies down next to Lock N. Key and hugs his neck with one hoof and drags him closer to her.

“One, an idiot cannot build companies like mine. Two, an idiot cannot do the things I do. Three, an idiot cannot tell when she, or he, is being watched. And four, an idiot cannot tell when a foal, like you, wants to prove something to everypony all. Of. The. Time”

Pinkie Pie looks deep into Lock N. Key’s eyes. He gulps when he swears Pinkie Pie is staring deep into his soul, and probably burning parts of it away too.

“I know ponies like you, Lock Normal Key, you think you have something to prove to everypony; I’ve seen it before. I am a very forgiving pony, I’ve forgiven quite a few baddies over the years, and some of them got better, some got worse, but none of them ever messed with my friends again”

Pinkie Pie brings Lock N. Key’s face closer to hers, and her eyes narrow even more and she snarls like a rabid Timber Wolf.

“If you, or your buddies in suits, lay a hoof on any of my friends I swear to Celestia and Luna and Discord that I will personally hunt you down and make you rethink the definition of cupcakes. Are we clear?” concludes Pinkie Pie

Lock N. Key nods his head quickly.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” says Pinkie Pie as she puts her hoof to her ear and leans forward

Lock N. Key nods his head even faster, and Pinkie Pie sighs irritably.

“When I said ‘Are we clear?’ I meant I wanted a verbal answer, not a nod” Pinkie Pie says harshly

“We’re clear” yelps Lock N. Key

“Good, have a good day, Agent Lock N. Key”

Pinkie Pie grabs her Party Cannon and walks away with her nose in the air and when she’s around the corner, Lock N. Key remains curled up, he’s too frightened to move.

A few minutes later, Pinkie Pie walks into her home and heads straight into her bathroom. There she runs cold water and splashes her face. The ice cold water snaps her back into her reality, where she is a fun loving, joyful, random machine. Not Pinkmena Diane Pie; the pony she was before she discovered her cutie mark. Which, she admits, is a scary part of her. But it only comes out when she feels genuinely threatened or when her friends are in danger. Luckily she’s able to keep herself from doing something regrettable when she’s in that state.

Pinkie Pie splashes her face again and watches the water slither down her coat and drip back into the sink. Then she desperately runs her hooves through her mane to get it back to its puffy look, but it only becomes a tangled mess.

Music! She needs happy music!

Pinkie Pie pulls out a radio from under her bathroom sink and plays it at maximum volume. The whole house is filled with energetic, happy-go-lucky party music that brings a smile to her face. Her colors and puffiness also return in a brilliant flash of light. She squeals happily and bounces out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where E Gadd is, chowing down on a muffin.

“These muffins are really good” says E Gadd

“Thanks! I baked them myself!” chirps Pinkie Pie

E Gadd giggles and is about to take another bite, but his smile disappears in an instant when he looks at Pinkie Pie. He puts his muffin down and tenderly inspects her neck.

“Where did you get those bruises from?” asks E Gadd worryingly

“Oh those? The meanie who did that won’t do it anymore. He just had a bad day and I straightened him out. He’ll be okay. Speaking of straightened out we have to go straight to Canterlot to deliver a package to a special friend who I helped straighten out” says Pinkie Pie

“Who’s the friend?”

Pinkie Pie giggles and puts her hoof up to her mouth.

“Its a secret” whispers Pinkie Pie

“Ah, I see...” says E Gadd slowly “By the way, I still haven’t gotten in touch with my friends. And you still need help finding that thing in the forest”

“Oh relax, everyone will be in Canterlot in no time! And I have a very, very, very, very, very, very, very strong feeling that the monster is there also. Now I need to pack you up”

E Gadd does a double take.

“Pack up? What do you mean by...oh I see” says E Gadd with a stupid grin

Pinkie Pie smiles devilishly and also nods.

A couple of hours later, Pinkie Pie carries a large suitcase on her back with a smaller suitcase on the top to the train that is heading straight for Canterlot. The large suitcase has air holes drilled into it, and a tuft of gray hair is poking out of one of the holes. There are agents walking around the train station, but Pinkie Pie uses her amazing skill of disguise to appear as someone else. Not only has she attached very convincing wings to her sides, she also dyed her coat a neon green, and her mane a neon yellow, and had her fake cutie mark a light bulb that was painted on with neon paint. She is literally a walking glowing ball of colors, and nopony can look at her for long without wanting to puke. So she basically has a clear path to the train. When she reaches the stallion at the train, he does his best to shield his eyes as she hands him her ticket.

“Ms. Oak?” asks the stallion

“Nope, it’s pronounced Ms. Oh Sea,” corrects Pinkie Pie “Ms. Mary Sue Oh Sea”

“Yeah, whatever, get on the train. Your hurting my eyes”

“Thanks mister!”

When Pinkie Pie gets on the train, she stuffs the suitcase with E Gadd in it, in the luggage compartment and sits down, and then she pulls out a brochure and casually reads it while other ponies file in.

“Don’t worry, E Gadd, it won’t be long to Canterlot” whispers Pinkie Pie

“How long?” asks E Gadd quietly

“Five hours”

“...I should’ve used the bathroom before we left”

Before Pinkie Pie can respond, Big Mac takes a seat in front of her and stares out the window. Pinkie Pie really, really, really, wants to shout “Hello!” and glomp Big Mac. But she also wants to keep her disguise, which means she mustn’t say a word. However, Big Mac’s eyes shift to Pinkie Pie and flashes a small smirk before putting on sunglasses and looking out the window. A couple of minutes of awkward silence passes, and when the train leaves the station, Big Mac glances at Pinkie Pie and says “Nice disguise, Ms. Pie”.

Sorry, But It Had To Be Done

Royal Palace, Canterlot

“[No, repeat after me: ‘Hello’]” says Luna while trying to motion Mario’s group to repeat what she said. She has been trying nearly all day to communicate with them, and the only one who is taking the lessons to heart is Waluigi.

“I don’t know what she’s saying,” grumbles Wario while rubbing his brow. To him, all he is hearing is horse sounds, and hearing Waluigi repeat such noises is both annoying and creepy.

“You don’t say,” says Mario sarcastically.

“[Halo],” says Waluigi slowly.

Mario and Wario look at Waluigi, their patience is quickly draining for everything. They have a job to do and instead of trying to apprehend a dangerous creature, they are stuck in a royal bedroom taking language lessons from a horse.

“[No, it’s ‘Hello’],” says Luna patiently.

“This is a waste of time!” snaps Wario.

“Agreed. We need to get out of here,” says Mario with a quick nod.

Mario and Wario stand up and try to get Waluigi to stand up as well, but he holds up hand and says “Ahahaha” and looks at Luna while stroking his chin in deep thought. The two stare at Waluigi, waiting for him to do whatever it is he’s going to do, and the ticking clock does a fantastic job of grinding their gears. Finally, after the longest five seconds of the day, a bright light bulb turns on in Waluigi’s head and he gets a confident smile.

“[Hello],” says Waluigi, his tone matching the confidence in his smile.

Luna squeals and claps her hooves together, making Mario and Wario scratch their heads. They had seen plenty of weird things, but seeing an equine clap is one for the books.

“[Well done! Well done, Waluigi!]” praises Luna.

Waluigi smiles smugly at his partners and winks. The other two grimace and look at the Night Princess and wonder what has gotten her so excited.

“I think I’m making progress” says Waluigi proudly.

“Yeah, well guess what? Playtime’s over with the horse. We have to go” says Wario sternly.

“They aren’t horses! They are ponies! Very adorable, intelligent ponies that are a gift from God Himself to show us the goodness of the universe!”

Waluigi scoots next to Luna and hugs her, his eyes start tearing up and he begins sniffling, which, in turn, gives him a great whiff of her fantastic shampoo. Overacting and overreacting. Just another thing to add to the list of nonsense the group has been through in a short timespan.

“She even smells great! Go on, sniff her!”

“Uh... Waluigi, I think you’re-” starts Mario uneasily.

“They have souls and cultures!” sobs Waluigi hysterically. “They are no different from us and she’s been so helpful trying to teach us the ways of her people and you guys are so obsessed with our mission that you haven’t stopped to smell the roses!”

Mario sighs irritably while he rubs his brow and does his darndest to keep his voice in check. It’s not that he doesn’t want to learn the ways of a new culture, he’s a traveler, he learns new cultures all the time! But they have to stop an extremely dangerous yoshi, and besides, he really isn’t in the mood to learn the ways of magical ponies.

“Waluigi,” begins Mario with forced patience, “we can’t stop to smell the roses because Rex will burn the roses if we don’t stop him.”

“Well did it ever occur to you that we must learn the language of the roses to make our job easier to accomplish?” retorts Waluigi.

“Wait? Are we learning flower languages now?” asks Wario.

“No, Wario, Waluigi wants us to learn pony with him,” says Mario.

“It’s Equestrian,” corrects Waluigi. “[Isn’t that left, Luna? Pineapples are forced vails?]”

Luna smiles and pats Waluigi’s back with her wing. “[We still have much work to do, Waluigi.]”

Waluigi grins and points at Luna while nodding at Mario and Wario. “See? She totally digs me.”

Wario and Mario facepalm while Waluigi continues practicing Equestrian with Luna.

“Waluigi, she’s a horse. Horses do not dig humans. They dig in dirt and poop all over the place,” says Wario through gritted teeth.

“As much fun as it is to learn a new language, it takes weeks to do so, and we don’t have weeks,” states Mario over Wario.

“[‘How do you do?’]” says Luna to Waluigi.

“[How do you do?]” repeats Waluigi as he clumsily shakes Luna’s hoof, then he looks at his teammates and says: “You wouldn’t understand. I feel a connection with this creature. Like we were meant to be buddies. Or something-” he takes a deep sniff and looks towards the ceiling dramatically with his hand balled over his heart “-more.”

“Okay, time to take a break!” says Mario, his concern for Waluigi’s sanity now jumping to number two on his list of important things to do.

Mario tugs Waluigi away and pushes him towards Wario. Luna appears to be hurt by this, and stands up when Wario and Waluigi get into a heated argument of some kind. But Mario smiles reassuringly at her and informs her that they do that all the time, not that she can understand him anyway.

“Love and tolerance, asshole!” shouts Waluigi.

Mario cringes at Waluigi’s outburst, and Luna ruffles her feathers and her eyes narrow. Mario holds up his hands defensively and takes a step back as she takes a threatening step forward.

“Uh, everything is okay, Your Highness... if you are a Highness” says Mario uneasily.

Luna is not convinced, and Mario chuckles nervously while looking at the bickering couple.

“You guys, you’re sounding like a married couple. Cool it!” orders Mario.

“He’s saying mean things about Luna!” whines Waluigi.

“I called her a horse,” says Wario defensively.

“She’s a pony!”

“Horse!”

“Pony!”

“Horse!”

“PONY!”

“HORSE!”

“ALICORN!” screams Mario.

Wario and Waluigi stop arguing and Mario steps next to Luna and point to her horn and lifts up one of her wings. Doing that makes her pull away and give him a dirty look, but she does calm down a bit when she sees that Mario is getting control over the situation that should’ve never occurred.

“Horn and wings mean she’s an alicorn,” states Mario in a mix of anger and a snobbish intellectual tone. “So she’s not a pony. She’s not a horse. She’s an alicorn. Now please. Stop. Arguing!”

That shuts them up.

Mario sighs and looks at Luna apologetically and forces himself to smile.

“Sorry, but sometimes I gotta straighten them out. Happened a lot during the Olympics,” says Mario.

“[We have no idea what you just said],” says Luna dryly.

“Yeah... okay. Listen, we’re going to need to have a team meeting, so please don’t kill us. Just relax and um... yeah.”

***

Luna watches Mario lead his teammates onto the balcony and have a private conversation with them. Luna sighs and sits down, and then summons an extra large can of caramel flavored “Xtreme Energy” energy drink. Of all the new edibles that took place over her thousand year “vacation”, as the elite so rudely say, energy drinks are her favorite. It’s because of energy drinks that Luna is able to stay up as late as she does reading over resolutions, destroying n00bs in onlines matches, and teaching aliens her language. However, she never taught aliens her language before, and so far it’s turning out to be an interesting experience.

When Luna takes a sip of the energy drink she gets the expected surge of energy, followed closely by the side effects of eye twitch, wing expansion, and jitters. Luckily for her, these side effects last only a second. But for the average pony, it lasts a good two minutes before slowing down. As for Celestia... well, Luna vowed to never let her have another one after seeing her play with the sun like a yoyo after having half a can. Some ponies just aren’t cut out to have energy drinks.

Luna does her best to sit still as she watches the three argue about whatever it is that they are arguing about, and when it becomes apparent that they are going to be at their throats for a while she decides to leave. She has some work to do anyway.

“Waluigi, we will be leaving your presence and will return shortly” says Luna politely.

“Okay, sun you soon flower,” says Waluigi with a wave, then he turns to Mario and says: “[Real men wear purple.]”

“[What does that have to do with anything?]” asks Mario, genuinely confused.

Luna beams and walks out of the room with full confidence that Waluigi can learn their language in no time. But as for the other two? They can take lessons when they want to, but she’ll keep her focus on Waluigi.

Luna walks out into the hallway and teleports herself into the Evidence Locker Room and heads straight towards the items that Mario’s group had with them when they arrived in the garden. Walking through the room is like going through a maze, and she’s glad that her status had given her the privilege of the guards not giving her any trouble. However, she swears that she hears some of the guards whistle at her as she walks by them. But after a strenuous fifteen minute search she finally finds what she’s looking for. A big box labeled: CASE: 12345: “VISITORS”.

Luna pulls the box out with her magic, sets it down on a table, and gently opens up the box. She pulls out a jumbo sized feather and turns it in front of her eyes to get a better look at it. It’s so simple, yet so amazing. She can see the magical residue radiating off of it, and it’s like nothing she’s ever seen before. And for some reason she wants to sniff it. She brings it closer to her nose and after a quick sniff the feather disappears in a puff of smoke and the smoke wraps around her neck and forms a yellow cape. The cape is snug, and surprisingly fits her perfectly.

Luna smiles and puffs out her chest while ruffling her feathers.

“This cape fits us well,” says Luna to herself with a bit of joy. She looks looks over her shoulder to see the extent of it and finds that it covers her whole back, leaving just enough room for her to use her wings comfortably. And speaking of comfortable, the cape is, by far, the most comfortable thing she was worn in a long time. Truly a gift from the mysterious beyond.

Luna smirks and takes a smug step forward, and the cape launches her off her feet and she crashes, head first, into one of the shelves, causing it to fall over and knock over the next shelf, and the domino effect takes over. Deafening crash after deafening crash echoes throughout the locker room, and loose papers and anything else that is light enough to fly around does. Luna groans and sits up while rubbing her head, and she looks around sheepishly at the damage caused by a simple step and winces when she hears guards crying out in pain and searching for their buried comrades.

“Oops,” whispers Luna shamefully.

She tries to take the cape off, but that somehow translates to the cape flinging her to the ceiling. Her head leaves a nasty crack on the ceiling and stars dance around her vision for a moment after she belly flops on the floor. After crashing to the floor, she tries again to get the cape off, this time using magic, but that proves to be a huge mistake.

***

Waluigi is sitting on the bed, having a not so exciting staring contest with the day guards. Unlike the Night Guards, these one didn’t have a personality and Waluigi actually poked them to make sure that they weren’t statues. He even went as far as poking one in the eye, and that led to a painful kick in the crotch and that guard being replaced by a pony that looked more like a horse on steroids.

Waluigi huffs, and in turn, the massive replacement guard huffs, blowing away a layer of dust Waluigi didn’t even realize was there. He took that as a sign to move across the room. By Mario. Where it is safe from unnaturally big ponies.

Mario and Wario are sitting on the balcony, staring at the city in front of them, and literally twiddling their thumbs. After their argument, things have cooled down drastically, and now everyone is bored.

“I’m hungry,” blurts Wario suddenly.

“Too bad,” says Mario without hesitation.

“I get grumpy when I’m hungry.”

“And I get grumpy when Peach puts guacamole in cakes.”

Wario glances at Mario out of the corner of his eye. “When I get grumpy, I get hungry. And when I get hungry baby birds die because I love eggs.”

“So when you’re grumpy, you’re hungry, and when you’re hungry, you’re grumpy.”

“It is a vicious cycle that can only be stopped by the blood of babies.”

Mario slams his hands on his knees and stands up. “That's it, you have officially creeped me out.”

Mario walks past Waluigi and Luigi’s drooling clone sits where Mario was previously.

“I’m bored,” whines Waluigi. “I wish something exciting would happen.”

“We could play Ultimate Scrabble, again,” suggests Wario.

“We never played Ultimate Scrabble. Do they even have Scrabble here?”

Wario shrugs. “Don’t know, but now that you mentioned it, I am wishing for something to happen. Like us being freed or an explosion.”

Suddenly, the garden explodes and Wario and Waluigi fall out of their seats, shielding their eyes from the massive explosion of dirt, fertilizer, and concrete. A horrified shriek rings out from the explosion and a blue blur shoots into the sky. Wario jumps to his feet and squints his eyes to get a better look at the speeding streak.

“Well crap, Mario is not going to like this,” says Wario worryingly.

“What happened!” yells Mario frantically as he runs to the balcony with the two guards in the room.

Wario points towards the blur, which is now twisting and twirling. “I think Sonic followed us here and got ahold of some drugs!”

“What!?”

“Yeah! He completely blew up a garden and is now flying around like a maniac!”

“No!” says Waluigi suddenly. Mario and Wario look at Waluigi, and he cranes his neck as he leans over the railing in a feeble attempt to get a closer look at the screaming blur. “That not Sonic, that is Princess Luna! She must’ve gotten a hold of one of our capes, and now the cape is reacting to her godly powers!”

Waluigi turns around, not caring about the dumbfounded looks his teammates are giving him. He puffs out his chest and presses his thumb against his heart, wincing slightly when the screaming hurts his ears.

“I must save the princess!” says Waluigi dramatically.

“Waluigi, this is a powerful being who is going nuts with a cape! She’s going to get you killed!” says Wario angrily, although the others know that he’s worried about Waluigi’s safety.

“Mario, you know we can’t sit idly by while someone is in danger!”

“You’re right, we can’t,” says Mario while trying to remain calm about the odd situation. “But we’re going to need a way to stop-”

Luna zooms by the window and her shriek is so loud that it shatters the glass, making the group duck and clutch their ears instinctively. But despite their best efforts, the shriek momentarily destroys the their hearing.

“I cannot wait any longer! I will save my princess!” exclaims Waluigi dramatically.

Waluigi runs towards the balcony as Luna zips by again and Wario and Mario chase after him. Then he screams “I’m coming, Luna!” and swan dives off the balcony. Wario and Mario skid to a halt, horrified by what they just saw, and hesitantly look over the edge. Then a blur speeds past them high into the sky with two sets of screaming to go along with it.

“Well butcher my ears and call me Rick, he did it. He actually landed on a princess,” says Wario proudly.

Mario nods, but halfway through his nod the stupidity of Wario’s statement sinks in and Mario slowly looks at his clone. Wario sniffles proudly and wipes a tear from his eye and Mario shakes his head and looks back at the odd spectacle.

*

Waluigi jumps on Luna’s back with amazing accuracy and quickly wraps his arms around her neck. The alicorn twirls and does loops in the air while screaming hysterically. Waluigi can feel his eyes drying out and his grip loosening. He adjusts his grip around Luna’s neck and reaches for the clipping on the cape.

“I... Must... Not... Fail!” says Waluigi, his speech distorted by the way the wind is practically ripping his cheeks off.

When he finally gets a good grip on the cape’s clip and he gives it a hard tug. A little too hard of a tug, though. Waluigi flies off of Luna’s back with the cape in his grip and he laughs victoriously even though he’s falling from hundreds feet in the air. But he’s not panicking because he knows that all he has to do is put the cape on and he can fly.

But the cape suddenly bursts into flames and a demonic face appears in the fire and shrieks at Waluigi with a terrifying howl that makes Waluigi shriek and try to let go. But the cape is glued to his hands and is now refusing to leave him.

“YOU HAVE PARTED ME FROM MY MASTER! YOU SHALL DIE A PEASANT’S DEATH!” roars the burning cape.

Waluigi shrieks and flails his arms in a desperate attempt to get the cape away, but the fiery monster wraps itself around Waluigi and its face expands twice its original size and moves in to bite his head off. But then a blue beam rips through the entity and it shrieks in pain as it dissolves into oblivion. Then Luna flies through the remains of the cape creature and wraps her hooves Waluigi and they swoop up right before hitting the ground. Waluigi looks down and realizes how close he was to splattering and laughs nervously, then he smiles thankfully at Luna.

“[Thank her, your sunny seat,]” says Waluigi gratefully.

Luna chuckles. “[We should be the one thanking you, Waluigi.]”

Then Luna hits white brick of the palace wall, and the two fall stiff to the ground with perfect imprints shaped as them marking where they hit.

Everything freezes and Pinkie Pie tsks as she walks out from the next chapter, shaking her head. She sits directly in front of the screen and looks at you, fellow readers, with a solemn expression.

“Well,” sighs Pinkie Pie depressingly. “How long has it been since this thing was updated? Quite a while, huh? Well, of course it has since Marky Mark here decided to cancel the thing.”

Pinkie Pie puts on Rarity’s glasses pulls out a chart showing the statistics of Randomness from off the screen.

“As Mark’s favorite pony of Twilight’s entourage -and my neat ability to break the fourth wall, which is in serious abuse right now- I have been chosen to explain to you, fellow readers of this messed up story, why it was canceled and what Mark intends to do about it.”

Pinkie Pie clears her throat and points at the pie chart with a ruler from Cheerilee’s classroom. The chart is split into categories labeled: grammar, rating, and development. Development makes up seventy percent of the chart while grammar makes up twenty five percent, leaving the last five percent to rating.

“As you can see,” begins Pinkie Pie with matter-of-fact tone that would make Twilight proud, “the majority of why Mark cancelled this project is because the story had no development. Nothing made sense, everything was random. We had all kinds of stuff, like sporadic violence, out-of-character characters, and lots of Luigi abuse. As a wise person once said: If you got no story, porn it with explosions. And Mark took it to heart.”

Pinkie Pie flips the page to show a more intricate detail of the development part of the pie chart. The majority of the page is taken up by Rex flipping everyone the bird.

“After some meditating, Mark realized that this story was going the wrong route. He wanted a comedy, but it was quickly turning into some kind of ugly, pointless, horrible thing that nobody would like. After having a dramatic interview with Mark, I discovered that he was actually trying to do a parody of crossover’s, but his dark imagination and horrible planning skills took him down a bad path.”

Pinkie Pie slaps Rex’s face with a ruler.

“He also stated that he likes Rex as a yoshi-Joker, but felt that he was the main reason for Randomness’s mess, but plans on using him for something else that isn’t pony related.”

Pinkie Pie flips the page again to the more detailed approach at grammar.

“Mark also puts the blame of this massive fail on poor grammar. He admits that he sucked at grammar, but now claims that he got better. Should we believe him? Probably. I mean he is writing Mare-Do-Well: Regeneration, and I guess it’s good because of all of those green thumbs and favorites. But I haven’t read it because it looks too serious for me. Which brings me to my next point. He said that the mix of poor grammar and lack of story made Randomness impossible to fix, and-” she flips the page to another detailed graph, this time of the voting ratio for Randomness “-fully agrees with the downvotes and wondered how it was possible that this, I quote, ‘poor excuse for a comedy wasn’t destroyed by a train?’, end quote.”

Pinkie Pie flips the page again to a picture of Mark Garg Von Herb’s avatar.

“So Mark is now proposing a reboot of Randomness, except this time it will be bigger, better, and feature less Joker-yoshis and more story. And apparently it will be under a different name and have a different story and a bunch of other stuff that I didn’t really catch.”

Pinkie Pie looks at the clock on your computer screen, and her eyes bulge to twice their size as she realizes the horribleness of what she is seeing.

“Oh my gosh! I’m late for something super important! Bye guys!”

Pinkie Pie zooms off of the screen and leaves a trail of happiness for everyone to download and make the world a better place.

So officially concludes a weak story that is being canceled for all the right reasons in the weakest way possible.

Part 5

Part 5

+++++

Rainbow Dash is zipping through the sky, leaving her trademark trail of rainbows and perfectly circular holes in the clouds. The sensation she’s feeling from the wind rushing past her ears is goddessly and brings an enormous smile to her face. This is one of those things where it seems nothing can go wrong!

But what’s this!?

An ancient temple surrounded by a rain forest comes into view with something very shiny at the top beckoning her to snatch it.Admittedly, the shiny object does have a drawing sensation to it. Maybe it’s because it’s shiny and she has yet to meet a pony that doesn’t like something shiny. Besides, if she can carry it back to Ponyville she’s sure Rarity can find a use for it, and maybe that will help make up for giving Scootaloo Pinkie Pie’s Uber Glue, which she used on Rarity’s sewing machine for a reason only Celestia knows.

She zooms to the top of the temple and sees the source of the glowing up close. It is a crystal. A crystal shaped perfectly like a pony skull with no signs of any tool marks on it whatsoever. And the crystal, in all it’s tool-mark-free glory and beauty, is in the shape of a pony skull. Rainbow Dash is mildly curious as to why it’s shaped that way, but she shrugs the thought away and reaches out to grab it, when suddenly-

“WAIT!” shouts a mare with an adventurous voice (and oddly, sounds like Rainbow Dash to a degree)

Rainbow Dash turns around with a “Huh?” and sees her idol, next to Soarin. The one. The only. The one and only Daring Do! Looking good as usual in her safari like outfit too. She would definitely turn lesbian for her, if she was real. But then again, the two pegasusi also share a strange resemblance to one another. Maybe it is a sign of some kind?

Rainbow Dash squeals like a fangirl and her eyes light up from pure, uncorrupted joy. She then claps her hooves together while squealing “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmyosh”. Daring Do walks over to Rainbow Dash and points at the crystal skull thing.

“If you touch that crystal skull then the aliens will connect with your mind and you’ll go crazy from the sheer amount of knowledge they hold” warns Daring Do

“I am your biggest fan!” says Rainbow Dash gleefully while shaking Daring Do’s hoof at bone dislocating speeds

Daring Do’s hoof turns into a blur because of how fast it’s being shook, and when she manages to pull away her hoof still moves up and down. She actually has to use her other forehoof to keep it under control. After getting it under control, she then tries to massage her hoof, which got an odd feeling to it after getting shaken so hard.

“Did you even hear what I said?” asks Daring Do worryingly

“IlovehowyoualwaysbeatAhuitzolespeciallythatonetimeyoubeatAhuitzolbytrickinghimtodrinkfromtehwronggobletandheagedintoaskeletonandhediedafterturningtodustthhatwassoawesome!Ohmygosh!Areyoucomingoutwithanotheradventuresoon?”

Daring Do’s jaw drops and Rainbow Dash collapses on the ground, sweating and panting for breath. She never thought she would ever do something like that. But she did! And now she can tell everyone that she met Daring Do! The coolest pony ever!...Who just also happens to be a fictional character.

Rainbow Dash’s ears droop and she looks at Daring Do sadly with tears swelling up in her eyes. She always knew she was dreaming, but the emotional aspect of meeting her idol face to face in a dream rather than in real life didn’t quite catch up until now.

“Am I dreaming?” asks Rainbow Dash, completely crushed and knowing full well what the answer is

“Yeah” says Daring Do bluntly “Anyway, as I was saying before you nearly killed yourself by talking. The Dimensional Aliens use these skulls to communicate with us, and you cannot touch it! Nor can we let Agent Rush In get it! If we do, the Powers of Darkness will be unleashed with a sci-fi twist to it!”

Rainbow Dash sniffles and looks down, and Daring Do sighs and puts her hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder sympathetically. An odd gesture for a mare who has more connection with her survival gear and dead historical figures than any other pony.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash, how are you feeling?” asks Daring Do in Fluttershy’s voice

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widen and she stammers “Wha-what the hay!”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash, were you dreaming? I’m sorry if I interrupted your dream”

“Fluttershy! Get out of my dream!”

Daring Do squeaks and attempts to shy behind her mane. Only, her mane is not like Fluttershy’s...until now. Her dark mane grows and curls like Fluttershy’s and gets a pink tint to it, as well as butterflies and animals sprouting out of the ground and hopping away with blissfully ignorant smiles.

“I-I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. I-I’ll leave. Enjoy your dream” says Daring Do/Fluttershy

Daring Do/Fluttershy walks away, off the edge of the temple roof with her animals, and continues walking on thin air without flapping her wings!

WHAT THE BUCK!

Rainbow Dash squints while cocking her head quizzically. Then, there is a rumbling sound and the whole temple begins to shake and the crystal skull is lifted up by a magical force and a pixie dust like material swirls around it. Rainbow Dash covers her face with her wing and it forms to the creature in green that she had fought before being taken out. Only, this time he is a whole lot bigger and muscular than before, like a hundred feet taller, and his eyes are pure red and his mouth is spewing out fiery smoke, plus his skin is snaking with sickly green veins. Parts of the temple collapse under his weight and it has to hunch over on its hands and feet like a monkey in order to stay on.

“Rainbow Dash!” booms the creature while pointing down at her “I have come to eat your soul by the order of my master!”

Rainbow Dash’s nostrils flare and she flies up to meet the creature’s eyes and boxes the air in front of it.

“Ha! Jokes on you! Souls aren’t edible!” taunts Rainbow Dash “And I have Daring Do on my side! Right Daring Do”

Rainbow Dash looks behind her and sees Daring Do hogtied and gagged with Ahuitzol standing proudly above her. And all the animals look...evil. All of them are wearing Harth’s Warming Eve clothing, but have tattooed themselves with satanic symbols. And one of the critters, a chubby little bear, said something about a “blood orgy” later (Ewww). But the one thing that catches Rainbow Dash’s eyes the most is Ahuitzol. He was supposed to be turned to dust in the latest issue of Daring Do! How is that possible?

“How are you still alive!” demands Rainbow Dash while pointing at Ahuitzol

“Lord Evil Mushroom resurrected me with the power of the Dark Side of the Sun” replies Ahuitzol casually

“What! That-that doesn’t...WHAT!”

Then the blue mushroom thing that zapped Fluttershy walks out from behind Ahuitzol, laughing like a cheesy villain, and petting a white, flamboyant cat.

“I wouldn’t expect a simpleton like you to understand the power that the Darkness in the Sun possess. But, even if you and Daring Poo did know, there is no stopping me now!” says the mushroom thing

The villains laugh obnoxiously at the horrible “Daring Poo” joke, and Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes while mumbling “Lame”.

“Lord Evil Mushroom,” says the giant green creature “I have fused with the Crystal Skull. Shall we unleash the Demons of Tartarus to begin forth our invasion of randomness?”

“Yes! But first we need a sacrifice,” says Lord Evil Mushroom while looking at Rainbow Dash with a very odd look “A sacrifice that calls for a pretty mare with vibrant colors and is perfect in physical appearances as well as perfect in personality”

“We need the perfect mare” rumbles Ahuitzol

Rainbow Dash smirks, and casually inspects her hoof smugly as the sky darkens above her.

“Well I don’t like to brag, but I think I’m pretty awesome and good looking” boasts Rainbow Dash

The villains stare at her in total silence. Then they burst out laughing and Rainbow Dash looks at all of them while gritting her teeth.

“What! Am I not cool enough for you!” shouts Rainbow Dash

“Psh, no!” scoffs the Green Monster

“We already got the perfect mare” laughs Ahuitzol

“Yes! Bring forth Mary Sue!”

An eerie chanting echoes throughout the temple roof and Rainbow Dash flies up to the face of the Green Monster and tries a pitiful attempt at doing The Stare.

“Hey what gives!” demands Rainbow Dash “You were talking about eating my soul and all that other creepy stuff a minute ago, and now I’m not good enough for you?”

“Pretty much” replies the Green Monster

“You see, your character is too flawed for the epic battle between good and evil,” states Lord Evil Mushroom “you may be brave and colorful, but you are also reckless, have stage fright -loser-, a big showoff”

“No one likes a show off” adds Ahuitzol

“Oh you should talk” snaps Rainbow Dash

“Not to mention you have a fear of rejection, your confidence level is so poor you need a high ego to hide it, and to make things worse. You are obviously a lesbian” concludes Lord Evil Mushroom

“Now hold on just a second!” screams Rainbow Dash “First off! I was born like this! And just because I have a super awesome mane and tail that is the color of the rainbow, and am athletic, does not make me gay!”

Lord Evil Mushroom yawns and looks at a slowly approaching double file of ponies wearing dark cloaks that are walking up towards them with their captive; an alicorn so beautiful, her looks make Princess Celestia look like Twist. The Green Monster strokes his chin and looks at Ahuitztol, who just shrugs.

“Secondly!” continues Rainbow Dash as she gets in front of Ahuiztol’s face, making him flinch “There is a difference between showing off and practicing in front of a crowd! I admit, I get my heads in the clouds a bit-”

“But you live in a cloud” interrupts Ahuitzol

“Not what I meant! And-and, never mind! But you!”

Rainbow Dash zips in front of Lord Evil Mushroom, he doesn’t even flinch.

“You...youuuuu” says Rainbow Dash evilly “I betcha your just a scared little whimp who hides behind your big bad bodyguards. You are so-so hateful towards yourself and hate all your own flaws that you have  to manipulate others to make you feel good about yourself! So next time you spew about flaws, look at yourself first”

There is a moment of silence, followed by Lord Evil Mushroom’s chuckling, Ahuitzol’s snickering, and the Green Monster’s giggle. Those three slowly, but surely, evolve into full scale laughing fits that make them grow red in the faces and cry from laughter. While Rainbow Dash glares at each of them, she realizes that Daring Do has been replaced with somepony else that looks like a horrible stunt double.

‘Okay, this is getting too weird. I need to wake up now’ thinks Rainbow Dash ‘Now what was that thing that they were talking about in Ponyception? A Kick? Yes! I need a Kick!’

Rainbow Dash’s thoughts are interrupted when Lord Evil Mushroom puts his arm around her neck sympathetically.

“Well of course I’m a flawed loser, that’s why I’m sacrificing Mary Sue so that I can become perfect” says Lord Evil Mushroom

Rainbow Dash pulls away from Lord Evil Mushroom and stares at him with a whole new level of confusion.

“Wait, what!? What about that whole invasion of randomness or whatever that was?” says Rainbow Dash frantically

“Psh, screw that. I want to be perfect” says Lord Evil Mushroom

“This makes no sense! You’re jumping around too much!”

“Well duh, it’s a dream, ya dumb chicken-”

“Chicken?”

“It’s not supposed to make any sense”

“Chicken?”

“I mean it’s all based on memories of what we’ve read, seen-”

“Chicken!”

“Felt, and tasted, and experienced, so it will never make sense”

“CHICKEN!!!”

“Yeah, you are a chicken aren’t you?”

Rainbow Dash screams and tackles Lord Evil Mushroom. He shrieks like a terrified little girl (Rainbow Dash felt her eardrums pop because of the scream) and they both tumble over the edge of the temple, down towards a large “X” marked on a brick path.

And the Kick.

Comes.

NOW!

***

Canterlot Royal Hospital, Canterlot

Rainbow Dash wakes up on the floor of her hospital room with a killer headache and a vision full of white linoleum. When she pulls herself up with a groan, it takes a few seconds for her double vision to go away.

“Are you okay?” asks a voice so soft she can barely hear it

‘That has to be Fluttershy’ thinks Rainbow Dash

She looks behind her, and sure enough, Fluttershy is walking towards her with a newspaper clutched under her wing. Rainbow Dash inspects herself and finds that her beautifully colored mane and tail are ruined. The tips burnt off, and splitting at the ends, and most of the surviving hair have darkened from the fireblast. She never thought she would say this...but she needs Rarity right now to fix her hair.Then she looks at the rest of her body, she’s practically a mummy! Most of her torso is wrapped up, same with her legs, and her wings feel lighter than they should. When she checks her wings, she finds chicken wing stubs with very few feathers on them.

Now she wants to cry. She needs to cry. And cry she does.

Rainbow Dash crawls under her covers and sobs quietly. Her beautiful wings are gone. It will take a year minimum to get the feathers back to acceptable levels. And that is a year’s worth of training down the drain! And that translates to kissing her dreams with the Wonderbolts goodbye! A Celestia damned goat tragedy.

“Oh, is she finally awake?” says a mysterious mare

“Y-yes she is” stammers Fluttershy softly

“Excellent! She has a lot of mail that was dropped off by some nice stallions. Bring it in, girls”

“Oh...um I guess you can put it there...if that’s okay with you, I mean”

Rainbow Dash hears a box being pushed across the floor, and some ponies grunting and cursing under their breath. Then she feels a hoof prod against her spine and hears the mysterious mare try to communicate with her.

“Ms. Dash, this Dr. Pill, can you hear me?” asks the mare

“No” grumbles Rainbow Dash

“Okay”

Rainbow Dash hears Dr. Pill’s hoofsteps leave her bedside, and when she pokes her head out, she sees a mare with a white coat and blue and red mane, and a pill as a cutie mark, leave the room.

“What the hay was that?” says Rainbow Dash to herself

“She did that to me too” says Fluttershy

“What? Left you for being sarcastic?”

“No...she asked if I needed anything and I said I was alright, and then she said ‘Okay’ and left without saying anything else...She’s not pushy enough to be a doctor”

Rainbow Dash nods, and a moment of awkward silence passes between them before Rainbow Dash remembers hearing Fluttershy in her dream.

“So Fluttershy...did you talk to me when I was asleep?” asks Rainbow Dash

“I thought you were awake! Honest! I-I didn’t mean to interrupt your rest! I swear!” cries Fluttershy “But you were speaking so clearly that I thought you were reading something out loud!”

“What?”

“You were...narrating...like you were reading one of those weird fan fictions that um ponies send you...Will you really turn you know...lesbian for Daring Do?”

“If you tell anypony that, I’m going to tell everypony that you sleep naked”

As soon as she says that, Fluttershy gives her The Stare. Rainbow Dash feels all of the sins of her past surge up from her memory and overwhelm her senses with guilt and anguish. If she didn’t do something about that Stare then her eyes will melt out of her sockets in no time because of how hard she will cry. She laughs nervously as she taps her hooves together.

“You-you do know I’m kidding right?” says Rainbow Dash uneasily

“Oh...I’m sorry, did the...it just happens. I really have no control over it”

“It’s okay (I guess)...So *cmph* what’s in the newspaper?”

“Oh this?”

Fluttershy puts the newspaper on Rainbow Dash’s bed and goes on to give her bundles of fan mail.

“Key witnesses against the Flim Flam Brothers found dead in prison cell” reads Rainbow Dash out loud “Wow, that sucks. What’s in the movie section?”

Rainbow Dash flips it over to the entertainment section and skims through the movies being advertised.

“Explosions...Incarnation...The Journal...The Life and Times of Jelly Pony. Wow, none of these look good” says Rainbow Dash unenthusiastically

“I thought Explosions looked good” says Fluttershy

“The director only knows special effects. He wouldn’t know a good plot line or character development if it sawed off his tail and stuffed it up his nose”

“What about Incarnation? The director came out of hiatus to make it and had been working on the script for -gosh- ten years, I think?”

“It’ll be the most overrated movie of the summer. Probably of the year. Just watch”

“The Journal? It looks like it’ll be a great love story”

Rainbow Dash stares at Fluttershy with an expression that reminds them both of the musical number they did when they were looking for a pet for Rainbow Dash. (“Have you even met me?”)

“The Life and Times of Jelly Pony?” asks Fluttershy meekly

“It's from the director of Pony Burro and Southland Stories. Need I say more?” says Rainbow Dash while tossing the newspaper back to Fluttershy in disgust 'Finding a good modern movie, is like wining the town lottery'

Fluttershy comically catches the newspaper in her mouth like a dog and quickly spits it on the floor and rubs her hoof against her tongue. Newspaper paper does not taste good at all. However, while Fluttershy is trying to get the horrible taste of the scratchy and inky newspaper out of her mouth, Rainbow Dash reads through her fan mail.

“Dear Celestia, some ponies just can’t spell” says Rainbow Dash irritably “I mean, I like having fans and all, but -Oh dang it”

“What is it?” asks Fluttershy

“Another clopfic dedicated to me,” Rainbow Dash tosses the clopfic away “and another request to pose for Playcolt. Seriously, who do they take me for?”

“What about the other mail? Surely there is more than just...um...inappropriate materials”

“Well, I’m getting requests for what my next review for my ‘Mare With The Glasses’ show should be”

Fluttershy beams and flies next to Rainbow Dash, and leans uncomfortably close to her face. Rainbow Dash cringes and leans back slightly. As adorable as her smile is, it is still kind of creepy when it's that close, plus it's next to impossible to withstand her cuteness when she smiles.

“Which one are you going to do?” asks Fluttershy eagerly “Because I would recommend doing Dragon Park, or All Timber Wolves Go to Tartarus, or even The Very Long Story. I really love The Very Long Story”

“Fluttershy! Please...just please let me-Oh for the love of Celestia!”

“What is it?”

Rainbow Dash facehoofs and reluctantly shows Fluttershy a hoofdrawn picture while blushing furiously out of pure embarrassment and anger. Whoever drew the picture will rot in Tartarus for sure for that heinous, perverted picture! She’ll probably take a nice tour down there too for corrupting Fluttershy’s innocence.

Fluttershy stares at the picture for a few seconds before taking it away from Rainbow Dash, making Rainbow Dash question what she is going to do with it. She hopes that Fluttershy will shred it, or burn it, or even better, shred it and then burn it. But when Fluttershy says that she’s just going to throw it away in the recycling bin, Rainbow Dash sighs and accepts it as it is. At least the paper will be shredded into oblivion later.

However, while Rainbow Dash is distracted with reading other fan mail, Fluttershy’s eyes shift side to side nervously, and then she folds the picture up and hides it in her mane and briefly gets a devilish smile before casually trotting out of Rainbow Dash’s room.

She’ll definitely be looking at that picture later.