Can I Be Of Any Assistance? * Hint *Hint.
Can I Be Of Any Assistance? * Hint *Hint.
"You know what? I'm done! No more for me. I can't be something I'm not!" he yelled to himself behind a building. It's been about a year since the towns folk in Ponyville only see Dumbfound as a hero instead of the villain he so riotously wants to be. In the past year he's done a lot of evil things that have taken the opposite side. He's tried to kidnap a dog, but the owner saw him hiding it and thought he had found his dog. He walked in the middle of the street and stopped traffic, only to realize that the car he stopped was a bank robbery on the run. He even tried the most pedi of felonies. like pulling a fire alarm. Nothing really happened with this one for the place was vacant and the alarm didn't work. The thought of all the failed attempts made him angrier by the second. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?" He saw a can and kicked it as hard as he could. It flew a few feet away and landed in a recycling bin. A mother and her son saw this and stopped walking.
"Wook mommy, Mr. Hewo man wecycwles too!" he said with his tiny voice.
"Aw, how sweet." the mother said. She turned to Dumbfound, "You are such a good man Mr. Luck." He just starred with a blank expression. He thought about yelling, but what was the use. He just sighed, hung his head and waved.
"Yep," he said with an irritated tone. "I know." With that, he began to walk home.
He had no idea how long he had walked for, but he kind of knew where he was. Somehow he ended up at a little tree fort in the woods. "Where the hell am I?" He began to walk away, but he heard something that caught his ear; Snickering. The sound of a few children, maybe teens, snickering, but this snicker sounded different. It sounded as if they were trying to hold their breaths but broke out in laughter. He also heard coughing and the air had a bizarre aroma to it. He followed it and wound up at the bottom to the tree with the tree house in it. He saw smoke coming from the window and he bacme concerned. Now if that was a fire, Dumbfound could have been bad and let them burn, but they sounded like kids and he could do it. "Hey," he yelled. "is everything all right up there? The snickering quickly came to a silence in a second. He could hear thumping and rustling in the fort. "What are they doing?" He said to himself. He thought about it and thought he heard someone fall. He became even more concerned when all the movement stopped and he heard shushing and hushing. Without warning, he climbed up and knocked on the door. There was a little bit of rustling, but not as much as before. He heard a filly tell some one to shut up and the door opened. a little orange filly answered the door.
"Yeah, hello, yeah... what do you want?" she said stumbling on her words and feet. He looked around and saw four school kids in the tree house all in a circle in the middle of the floor. They seemed nervous and worried. He recognized two of the four, The Cutie Mark Crusaders. This must have been their little clubhouse they always talk about. It was behind the apple farm in a secluded part of the field. "Hellooooo?" said the orange filly, "Are you there space man?" He took a longer look at the filly who answered the door, it was Scootaloo.
"Yeah... " He walked in. At this point, their eyes widened and became more nervous. He could see it in their eyes. "I got lost and thought I saw smoke."
"Smoke?" said one of the colts. "Wha-What Do you m-m-mean smoke?" He seemed shifty. He kept looking to the side of the tree house where there was a table with a blanket over a lump. Before Dumbfound could walk to it, A brown colt with a spining hat stoppd him.
"OH! You mean smoke, like... fire, right?" He seemed shifty too.
"Yeeeeah. A 'fire'." Dumbfound said slowly, still keeping a close eye on the table.
"Yeah, well, you see... There was a small fire and my marefriend SweetieBelle went to get water for it, but we put it out before then... you know, before she could get back." He put on a big smile and was sweating bullets. His eyes were blood shot and the aroma was getting stronger. Dumbfound didn't buy it and kept a straight face. He could smell it even more now. He knew that smell. Just then, another voice came from outside and was coming up the ladder.
"Hey guys, I got the new water bong from Pip. It seems to work fine, and yes I..." She stopped at the door and saw Dumbfound luck standing in the middle of the room. Her eyes wide open and a darker red then blood. "Are you a cop?" She asked nervously.
"No." Dumbfound said with a slight laugh. Now he remembered why it smelled familiar. It was marijuana. The same type that he use to smoke as a kid to be exact. SweetieBelle sighed and continued on with what she was saying.
"So I got Pip's bong and tried it out there." She stopped and laughed. "It works just fine." The little brown colt cut in the conversation.
"SweetieBelle, what the hell are you doing? He could rat us out!" he said nervously.
"Who this guy? He's no threat. I highly doubt he'd rat us out." She started to laugh at the thought. Dumbfound got upset with the filly for laughing.
"And why is that funny?" he said in anger. SweetieBelle took the bong out, prepared it and took a hit. She turned to Dumbfound and held it out.
"Because I know if you wanted to rat us out, no one would believe you. You're not a cop, so it wouldn't matter. Also, I know you wanna hit it." she said, trying to hold in as much smoke without letting it out. Everyone was confused. Dumbfound had missed the days of getting high with friends and just not giving a care to what ponies say.
"What makes you think that I'd smoke with you?" he said trying not to take the bong. SweetieBelle laughed.
"Because you and me both know that if I had ponies up my butt about saving the princess 24/7 would drive a mare mad! It's the only thing that will relax you." she said waving it in his face. The temptation drove him to near insanity and he caved. He took the bong and lit it. "There you go! Now don't you feel better?" she said sitting on a bean bag chair. The others seemed to be shocked that this grown stallion was talked into smoking pot with teens. The little grey colt jumped in this time.
"So... you're not gonna nark us out?"
"Nope." Dumbfound found a beanbag chair and slumped on it.
"And you're just... cool with this?"
"Yep."
"Oh... uh, ok... I guess?" Dumbfound passed the bong to the little colt. He shrugged and took it.
"So... who are you guys? I mean, I know you three." he said pointing at the three fillies. "But as for you two, I've never seen you around here before." The little grey colt exhaled and answered.
"I'm Rumble and the little guy over there with the hat its Button Mash. Aren't you..."
"The 'Hero of Ponyville'!" Dumbfound said in a mocking voice. "Yeah, that's right. The biggest celebrity in this town." He siged and hung his head. "Woopty fuckin' Do." He wasn't happy and the others could clearly see.
"What's up your bum?" asked Scootaloo.
"Well, I never wanted to be the hero. I have always wanted to be the bad guy for at least once in my life." Scootaloo didn't get it.
"Why would you want to be the bad guy? Hero's are just as good... but better."
"It's not in my nature to be 'good'. You see kids, my cutiemark makes it to where every bad deed turns good. So I go around looking for a situation that couldn't possibly turn good. For example, and this is funny," he began to laugh. "I saw the smoke from the tree house and thought it was a fire!" He began to laugh pretty hard and as the others began to as well. "And-and if it was a fire, I would've let you burn!" The others stopped laughing and starred at him with wide eyes. He stopped and quickly caught himself and finished his sentence. "No, no, no, no. I mean, I know it's mean, but it's a great example of what I'm talking about. I CAN'T do bad deeds!" Again, the little ones looked at him with wide eyes and confusion. "It's some weird thing that my cutiemark does. Every deed I do turns good, people praise it! I can't stand it and I-" He looked down and began to frown. "I'm just gonna give up."
"No! You can't!" Sweetie Belle said, trying not to fall over.
"Oh yeah? Why not?"
"Because... what if... I mean..." Sweetie Belle struggled to find the right words to say. "Because what if I teach you!" Button Mash, was inhaling smoke at the time, choked on it, and began to cough.
"Sweetie Belle... You can't be serious." he said, still coughing. "I mean, we all know you are as sly as a fox, but you can't. Y-You just can't!"
"Yeah, I mean you're just a kid. What can you possibly teach me that I already don't know?" Dumbfound said in shock and disbelieve. Sweetie Belle looked at him and gave him a slight grin.
"All right, you're probably right." she said turning away. "But before you go, can I borrow five bits? I'm kind of hungry and don't have any money." Dumbfound didn't care and complied.
"Sure, just let me find my... the heck? Where's my-" Before he could finish his sentence, he saw Sweetie Belle standing in front of him with his wallet. She threw it to him. He sat there dumbfound at the thought of how she was able to get the wallet from him. She was nowhere near him, and yet she somehow got it away from him.
"Now," she began. "What do you need help with?"
