I Can't Lose You, Derpy! (A Christmas Fiction)
I Remember You, My Dear...
It was a watch.
A golden pocket watch rested in the Doctor’s hooves, the hands inside moving to each tiny tick it made. The noise rang around his head for a minute, escaping through his ears and scattering off into pieces.
A watch wasn’t going to bring back every Christmas he had lost. Time wasn’t going to keep him from flying around saving ponies, even on the best of holidays.
Every year he would write to Luna Clause, hoping that one day he would bring her the present of his eye, but every year was just another disappointment. It was fabled that Luna Clause only brought what she believed the ponies needed, but looking at the watch in his hooves made the Doctor doubt all of the rumors that flew around Equestria.
The note attached to the watch gave no real instructions for him, but they sure were cryptic, even to his knowledgeable eyes. “Time stands still for nobody. A press and a twist can only lengthen one’s fate.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, throwing the watch down into the snow. How was a stupid watch going to bring back Derpy? Time would stand still for him whenever he wanted it to! “Luna Clause, can’t you just bring back my beloved…?”
His heavy British accent murmured into the cold winds, carrying the words of ponies across Equestria. Ponyville was the only place the Doctor felt at home, but the Christmas at hand wasn’t going well for him by far.
Christmas had always been a special holiday for him. Ever since he had been a time lord on Earth, he couldn’t remember a time where he wasn’t having fun. Adventure followed him everywhere; it took his mind away from the grim outlooks that other ponies had the misfortune to witness; it gave him a chance to once again pick up a girl; it gave the Doctor a sense of worth.
The snow falling and the chilly air made perfect weather for wearing his favorite scarf. He was always telling other ponies that he hated wearing the 20-foot scarf, but in reality he felt the time was never appropriate. In Equestria, the winter brought snow, and the Doctor was pleased to flaunt about with his scarf to make his position clear. He was superior to all!
He shot his head up as the door in front of him opened up, light flooding the small plains behind him. “H-hello there, Doctor. Back again to mourn?” The Doctor looked up into her loving eyes, nodding his head solemnly and turning around as if to leave.
“No! Don’t go...it’s alright. We all miss her. Please, come in and I’ll make you some hot-” He held his hoof up, prompting her to stop and wait for a reaction.
“Thank you, Ms. Shy, but I won’t be staying for long. Just came by to drop something off and make a quick retreat.” Fluttershy kept her mouth closed this time, stepping aside for the Doctor to make his entrance.
He carried a box on his back, a letter crudely smushed under the nylon ropes holding the package together. Rushing into the room, he hid his face from Fluttershy, the tears coming to him and bringing a series of mixed emotions that he felt ashamed to show.
Was he supposed to be angry? Sad? Comforted? It was all just too confusing for him!
His pace quickened as he made a beeline for the back door, slamming against it and falling to the floor. The sound of hooves behind him only caused the Doctor to curl up even further.
“Doctor, I think-”
“You don’t understand! I loved her and I never got the chance to say so! It was my fault, Ms. Shy! I killed Derpy Hooves!”
Fluttershy didn’t know what to say. Ponies rarely died in Equestria, and the death of Derpy Hooves had taken its toll on the entirety of the population, none touched more than the Doctor, esteemed leader of the duo.
“Doctor, it wasn’t your fault. Derpy died at the hands of the Weeping Pegasi. Don’t break yourself. You would never have seen it coming.” The Doctor sat in a puddle of depression, loneliness, and anger. He could have done anything. If he had never sent Derpy out for muffins, if he had never made her breakfast, if he had never picked her scarf, maybe she still would have been alive, in his hooves, on that night.
“Ms. Shy, please leave me be.” He sat up, wiping the tears away from his eyes and bringing Fluttershy into a tight embrace. It was all he could do to stop himself from screaming. “I think I might take you up on that cuppa now. Whaddya say?”
Fluttershy pushed herself up, grabbing the Doctor’s hoof and pulling him up in a small struggle. “Doctor, the bad things in life are the things that bother you. She may be gone, but she’ll live on inside all of us. Her spirit will guide us through times of darkness. I think you should go visit her now, don’t you say?”
The Doctor turned away, opening the door in the back and stepping out into the snow once more, the scarf catching in the door long enough to trip him so he would fall face-first into the icy ground. Shaking the snow from his mane, he pulled the scarf out of the door, a small chunk breaking off.
“Heh, Derpy would never stop falling into the snow…” He smiled at the reveries, flashing through his mind, of all the times Derpy had fallen or ran into something.
Every thought he had of Derpy seemed to bring him down, but watching her walk clumsily everywhere brought an odd smile to his face. It wasn’t that he liked watching her get hurt. It was her unique thing. Fluttershy could talk to animals and Vinyl Scratch could drop a beat like no other, but Derpy ran into things, and that was why the Doctor loved her; she was adorable.
Looking down from the sky, he blinked, snow catching in his eyes and melting away, tears of ice freezing to his cheeks. They glistened in the moonlight, the Doctor stepping forward and savoring every twinge of ice that ran up his legs.
“Derpy, I wasn’t there when you needed me the most…” He took another hoof to the snow, the ice shooting knives through his legs. His face cringed at each striking blow to the hard pavement.He didn’t care about the pain, though. His only worry was reaching the clearing of dirt behind the chicken coop.
Pulling his eyelids apart, the Doctor stopped, the ground under his feet the only indication that he had reached his destination.
Feeling around sightless, a cold piece of wood met with his hooves, the Doctor dropping the box in front of it. He prayed silently, the wind whistling words of comfort in his ears. He would never understand why the world would take her and not him, but he would make sure that her memory would stay alive in his mind.
Slowly fluttering his eyes open, the Doctor smiled and picked up the note, slightly tearing it in the process. Opening it up, he started to speak the poorly written words that he had memorized so long ago.
“Derpy Hooves,
I don’t exactly know how to tell you. To be honest, my feelings have never been my strong point. I can’t express myself and then my thoughts catch up to me...I’m rambling again, aren’t I?”
“I know that for a long time now you’ve seen me as your Doctor, and you my companion. I want that to change, though. It’s nothing too special, really, but in our time together, I think we’ve gained more than anypony else has, and I wish to spend the rest of your life with you.”
“Our adventures together have been spectacular, and I know I’ve let you down at points…”
“Who am I kidding? I will never have the courage to hand this to you. I just want you to know that I love you, Derpy M. Hooves. You’re my T.A.R.D.I.S. You mean the world to me. Thank you for being my best companion yet.
With love and kisses,
Doctor Whooves”
The letter flew from his hooves into the air, the tree above catching the loving words. To the Doctor it was as if Derpy had caught his love and held it tight in her hooves, but to most it would appear that the season had gotten the best of him.
“Stay clumsy, Derpy…” His voice faded off as the cold took grasp of him. The Doctor fell into the cold snow,the darkness shadowing over him as the last warm puff of air escaped his lips.
It was a watch.
A golden pocket watch rested in the Doctor’s hooves, the hands inside moving to each tiny tick it made. The noise rang around his head for a minute, escaping through his ears and scattering off into pieces.
“Uh, thanks, Derpy, but do you really think this is necessary? I mean, I have tons of these things inside the T.A.R.D.I.S.”
The wall-eyed pegasus looked up and him and giggled. “Well of course you do! This one is special, though. I got it engraved with our initials on the back. All of my love went into this watch!”
Turning the watch over, the Doctor found that Derpy was right. “D. W. + D. H” was carved into the gold of the watch. “Thank you, Derpy. This is a treasure! Now my gift!”
He looked up at the box on his back, a small letter neatly hanging off of the side. He had been waiting years for this moment, and finally it had arrived. Derpy looked around the box, studying it as if to predict what was inside.
“Go on, Derpy, it won’t kill you!” He bucked upwards, the box flying into the air and landing in the waiting hooves of the pegasus.
He smiled as she gingerly took the ribbon off, setting aside the card and going straight for the package. As soon as the box sprang open, everything was gone.
The world was black around him, the chilly air seeping into his skin. “Derpy? Derpy!? Where are you!?”
For almost a full two minutes he shouted, his throat beginning to feel sore.
His tears seeped through his closed eyes, colliding with the floor only inches beneath him. His eyes springing open, he moved his body around frantically, quickly coming to find that it was locked in place, his chest squeezing tighter and tighter, an explosive feeling erupting inside of him.
Derpy ran up to him, vanishing into thin air, water vapor left to catch itself on the Doctor’s cheeks. “Derpy!!!!!!”
He jumped up in the bed. Shaking his head left and right, the Doctor tried to make sense of everything that had just happened. Derpy was there! She was alive! It was her gift!
Darting his eyes around the room, he spotted Fluttershy in the room over. The Doctor stood up, trotting over to the kitchen and grabbing Fluttershy in a tight hold.
“How did I get here!? Where’s Derpy!?” She looked at him strangely, pushing him away in disgust.
“Doctor, you know where she is! It’s not funny to joke about a pony with a fate such as hers...and I can’t believe you don’t remember. You basically froze to death outside, Doctor. I was so worried that I went out to check on you and found you buried under the snow. I’m just glad we got you in here and warmed up.”
So she was gone...it was only a dream. It had to be a dream. He saw Derpy, old and brittle, in the coffin. He watched the burial take place with his own eyes. “I’m terribly sorry...just had a nightmare, is all. Ms. Shy, I must be going now. I forgot that I have somewhere to be this Hearth’s Warming Eve. Please forgive my quick leave.”
The Doctor didn’t allow her any time to ask questions; he bolted out of the door before she could even comprehend what he had just said.
The Doctor stared down at the watch, kneeling down and grabbing it between his teeth. Shaking the snow away from it, he looked at the plate on the bottom, sorrow washing over him when he realized nothing was etched into the back, nor would there ever be anything etched into the back.
“Oh, Derpy...I guess I’ll be seeing you around…” He pressed the button on the top of the watch, determined to check the time.
The world stopped around him.
It wasn’t a death moment, nor was it his life flashing before his eyes. Time had literally stopped when he pressed the golden button that opened the watch.
“Am I still hallucinating…?” The Doctor looked around in confusion. The cold had dripped away from his body, heat taking its place back in his hearts. The environment froze under him, the crunching of the snow now gone beneath his hooves.
“Oh, Doctor, you always were a funny one…” The Doctor whipped his head around, a small gasp escaping his lips before he ran towards the slow-trotting figure.
He took Derpy into his arms, embracing her with the love of one thousand Doctors. “Derpy! Where did you go? Why are they all saying you’re dead? You’re here now, and that’s all that matters!”
The glowing figure smiled at him, returning the hug. “Doctor, I am not a part of the world anymore. I figured one last meeting would be ideal to say our goodbyes.”
The Doctor halted his rejoicing to stare into Derpy’s eyes. “Derpy, you can’t leave me...I need you...I love you…” Derpy leaned in and gave the Doctor a small peck on the lips, pulling away and staring him in the eyes.
“Doctor, everything happens for a reason. I have loved you from the moment I set my eyes on you. I chased you around Equestria just to become an affiliate with you. Little did I know that I would become your partner.”
“In our time together, I came to realize that one day I would no longer be with you. Whether I was old or young, I actually got to travel with you, and that’s all I could ever ask for. Doctor, I love you too much to see you in the state you’re in.”
“I can’t return, but I promise that I’ll always be in your heart. I’ll keep you fuzzy on the cold winter days, and I’ll give you happy thoughts when you think bad ones.”
“Doctor, I never want you to forget me. You are my Doctor, and I am your Derpy. I want you to be happy. Thank you for giving me the best years of my life, and I can’t wait to see you someday.” She put a hoof to the Doctor’s face, using the other to close his eyes.
And just like that, the howling of the wind returned, the cold once again beating down on the Doctor. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, but he wasn’t sad. He could feel the warmth in his body, and he allowed it entrance to his mind, filled with thoughts of all that was and all that could be.
Walking back to his blue phone box that evening, the Doctor felt at ease. For the first time in his life, the Doctor wasn’t worried about a single thing.
Author's Note
Just a nice little Christmas fanfic to get your feels up and your spirits high :) Hope you enjoy it!
