Azagog, stealer of Waifus

by Redcoat

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 5931

A monster lumbers toward Ponyville. Twilight tries to warn the populace. Nopony believes her.

When a threat like none Ponyville has ever seen traverses toward it, Twilight desperately needs to find her friends to use the Elements of Harmony to vanquish the beast! But when they're nowhere to be seen, Twilight rushes to the next best thing.

Published 2014-12-12 20:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-12 20:00:06 UTC

Hide your mares

The Snuggly Changeling was a very manly place. From the open fires hung from the ceiling to the scared bear rugs to the various wooden heads mounted on the walls, one would never mistake this place for anything other than the absolute manliest bar in all of Ponyville.

They had an age restriction of thirty two, their dress code was 'shoes and shirt, no service.', they had soap water chugging contests, they played darts with their mouths, and if any mother worried that her colt wasn't manly enough, she would send him to spend a night in the bar, the age limit being the first challenge to prove his manliness. This was a common enough practice that there was even a mini bar stocked with the absolute nastiest soft drinks in all of existence.

All the stallions that hung out there were muscle-bound, and there were weekly tattoo contests, so as to determine the manliest stallion. After all, those tattoos hurt to get. The music was dark and moody, invoking the image of a moldy alley way. They were assured that it was very manly. It wasn't, but they wouldn't discover that for three months. There was even a sort of philosopher’s corner where they discussed what, exactly, was 'manliness'.

All of the stallions that regularly came had served in some type of guard or armed forces at some point, resulting in a very strict 'no unplanned fights' policy, which was enforced by the burliest, hairiest stallion of them all, Sweet Joe.

Now, just because this was a manly bar doesn't mean that it was stallions-only. Often enough stallions brought their mare-friends/wives with them. Other times mares brought their colt-friends/husbands with them. It was odd to see an unattended mare, just because any mare who came by herself was fairly quickly surrounded stallions longing to prove their manliness and availability by making up stories and chugging health drinks in front of her followed by an elaborate mating dance, which only ever looked good if a pegasus was doing it, but that didn't stop any stallion who had witnessed it's effects from trying.

And that is why the scene was set as it was when Twilight Sparkle burst through the door, covered in sweat and panting. The music (Mercifully.) screeched to a halt and every eye turned towards her. A few stallions quickly and quietly left the room, what with Twilight being the Princess's personal student. They didn't really have any trouble with the Princess or her associates, but they liked to pretend they did.

“I need all of your help! All of you! A monster is coming towards Ponyville and I can't find my friends to stop it!” The populace of the room stared at her a few seconds longer, then went back to their drinks, which mostly consisted of lemonade made without sugar.

Twilight gaped for a second before running to the closest stallion, who happened to be Big Mac. There was another pony underneath the table that seemed to be asleep, but Twilight ignored her. “Big Mac! Come on, I need your help! If somepony doesn't get out there to stop it, it'll come rampaging through! It'll destroy houses, eat cattle, eat your entire farm maybe! You gotta come!”

Big Mac just took a long drink before answering, “Eenope.”

“What do you mean 'nope'!?! Don't you realize what terrible danger all of us are in?! What about the farm?! Or Granny Smith and Applebloom?!”

“They kin' take care o' themselves.”

Twilight gaped at him for a second before realizing that arguing with him would be a waste of time. With a single twitch of her eye she reduced his drink to wet splinters and ran towards the next stallion she could find. Big Mac was neither surprised nor irritated by the sudden expiration of his drink. The fact was, he had yet to finish an entire drink whilst inside the Snuggly Changeling's walls.

There was a snort, a thump, and a yelp from underneath the table, and Fluttershy rose while rubbing her head. “Who was that?” She asked sleepily.

“Twilight. Said something 'bout ah monster wreckin' town.”

“Oh. Well I'm sure she can handle it.”

“Eeyup.”

The next stallion from Big Mac just happened to be part of a group of stallions centered around two ponies. The first was a burly gray earth-stallion with a variety of nasty scars. His name was Safety-Last-Hogan, for reasons far too convoluted to explain.

The second was a lithe blue sky-mare who sported absolutely no scars at all, because she knew the meaning of the word 'dodge'.

The two of them sat around a table piled high with empty tankards, and if one were to look inside one they would see that the two of them had been chugging, not dish water as per the usual, but tea that didn't have any sugar or milk or anything. It was just soggy-leaf juice.

The stallion had been chugging them like crazy, at one point shoving three tankards to his mouth at once, while the mare played the Long Game, waiting for him to accidentally swallow one of the tankards. She drank at her leisure. Which was still pretty speedy.

Twilight grabbed the stallion, the one who had been watching, not Safety-Last-Hogan, and whorled him around. Before she even got the chance to try and explain herself, his cheeks blushed a bright krimzone and he started to shuffle his hooves.

She gave him an odd look before he tipped his head at her in a way that said 'you're naked.'. She then slapped him in a way that replied 'I'm always naked, stop being a perv.'. He however did not. He only blushed harder when he realized he had been slapped by a naked mare. Twilight punched him in the gut. This had the curious effect of evacuating the blood from his cheeks rather than placing more in them, as the previous strike had done.

Sweet Joe gave her a Stink Eye that said 'If he hits back, there's gonna be a whole heap o' trouble rainin' from the sky and right on toppa your 'ead.'. Twilight shrunk meekly. The stallion rose from his place on the ground where he had fallen. He hadn't seen Sweet Joe's Stink Eye, so he was rip roar and ready for a fight. Twilight, thinking quickly, used her forgotten-for-far-too-long feminine wiles to pacify him. Which is to say she licked his cheek and he fainted.

Sweet Joe gave her another look to let her know that 'You're right there on the edge missy, teetering ever closer into the abyss from which thou canst never return. A single breeze is all that it would take to descend into the hell known as delinquency. You're just so incredibly lucky he probably liked that.'. Twilight blushed and ducked away in a way that Sweet Joe interpreted to mean 'I'm just a poor book mare, I don't want to be thrown in jail! I want to be free, and frolic in my books, and seduce stallions into giving me more books, and reading those books until my eyes bleed, but it's okay because I read a book that had an eye-replacement spell in it.'. Sweet Joe was very adept in reading body language.

He nodded in a way that stated that he 'respects that.', but she had already gone. To go seduce more stallions no doubt. He respected that too. Seducing members of the opposite sex was a long and respectable tradition, presumably started way back in the beginning when the first mare and stallion were made, and the mare acted as if she could have any stallion she wanted. It was true, because there was only one stallion. In the end the mare had to seduce the stallion, who had been 'turned off', as the kids would say in several millennia, by her attitude. The two of them then proceeded to propagate like a certain small mammal, but that's a story for another time. Such as after the children go to bed.

Now back to Twilight. After the stallion she had licked fainted, and she cowed from Sweet Joe's look, she discreetly pushed the unconscious stallion out of her way and tapped the shoulder of the next stallion from him. He turned to face her and Twilight froze. Not because she knew the stallion, (Though she would have liked to.) nor because she sensed an innate magic from him that was stronger even than her own. It for a reason far older and much more biological.

She had frozen, staring at him in awe, shock, and just a smidge of something girlish she could never describe properly even if she read a thousand trashy romance novels. For, sitting upon his lip and curling downwards, growing strong and proud, was a mustache. Twilight hadn't realized it before that moment, but she absolutely adored facial hair. Which, now that she thought about it, explained some of the private thoughts she had about Mr. Cake.

The fact that the stallion in front of her was wearing a pair of shorts didn't help her keep her focus in any way whatsoever. They just sat there on his finely toned flank, mocking her, keeping hidden what should have been free for every mare to admire. But she soon realized that she could be entirely content with such a magnificent mustache.

The stallion himself realized instantly why she had frozen as soon as she laid eyes on his mustache. But that was just the law of averages. He always thought ponies were staring at his mustache. “I say miss, I know my mustache can be very distracting, but wasn't there something you needed?”

Twilight almost blurted out “YOU!”, but she realized he was right. She did need something. She needed a hero. And he was the hero she needed, but not the one she deserved. A single tear slid down her cheek as she realized she could never have him. She numbly walked past him, leaving him very confused. 'Was it something I said?' He wondered even as she walked away. He was surprised to find that he had been staring at her attractively proportioned form as she walked away, and he found somepony to punch him before anypony saw the blush that glowed right through his mustache.

She walked on in a daze, ignoring the stallions she had previously been trying to enlist. She also ignore the shouts and protests as she made her way through the crowd, drawing ever closer to it's center. She didn't realized she had broken through the crowd altogether until she smacked her face into the table which held the empty tankards while they waited to be taken away, washed, and then used again. But this story isn't about some tankard who's life is in a rut. It's about Twilight, who had smacked her face into a table.

The lithe blue sky-mare looked over the top of her own tankard, casually sparing a moment of her time to charitably inspect the bump which shook the table. It just so happened that it was her good friend Rainbow Dash, as you must all have guessed it was. She raised an eyebrow in a crude approximation of one of her best friends and rival. Twilight had never been the type to get drunk than smack her face into the edge of a table.

Twilight for her part just sat on the floor, rubbing her face. She hadn't yet noticed her friend staring at her, what with being face-tabled and all. Ultimately it was up to Rainbow Dash to call Twilight's attention. She dumped the remains of her tankard over Twilight's head.

Twilight, who drank tea with her mentor back at the palace often enough to be an amateur tea-taster, revolted and spasmed at the touch of the cheap soggy leaf juice. It was disgusting. The stallion across the table slammed a hoof onto the table exclaiming, “Ha! You didn't finish the cup! You're disqualified!” But since he was still drinking out of three tankards at the same time it came out more like, “AUGH!! KETCH!! EUGH!!” Because he had started choking. Don't speak with your mouth full. Ever.

A group of stallions quickly surrounded him and started punching him in the gut until he had spit up the mug he had swallowed, after which they cast lots to decide who would take him to the hospital. The lot fell on Caramel, who begrudgingly agreed to do it, but only because he was collecting Frequent Savior points and was saving up for a jet-ski. The hospital hadn't really thought anypony would actually get that many points when they first started the promotion, but Safety-Last-Hogan had been their downfall.

Rainbow Dash casually claimed the bag of bits that sat at the center of the table and packed it away in her mane. Pinkie had been giving her lessons. She then set her attention on the almost-calmed-down Twilight. She still twitched a little bit, but Rainbow Dash brushed that off as Twilight being Twilight. “So Twi, what's up?”

“Rainbow Dash!” Suddenly Twilight was on her hooves and in Rainbow Dash's face. She had grabbed Rainbow Dash's shoulders and would have started shaking her if Rainbow Dash hadn't been stronger than her. “It's awful, terrible, horrible!”

“Twi, you better get to the point fast. There's still plenty of tea, and I am not above dumping it on you.”

Twilight shivered. “There's a huge monster coming this way and if I can't either find Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rarity or enlist these musclebound stallions to defeat it, it will destroy all of Ponyville and it's surrounding provinces.” She quickly explained, wary for any wayward beverages of the economical kind.

Rainbow Dash nodded slowly, even though the only words she had understood were 'monster' 'stallions' 'destroy' and 'Ponyville'. “That's sounds pretty serious. We don't have enough stallions to let them get destroyed by a monster. I'm in.”

Twilight didn't really understand what Rainbow Dash was talking about, but she beamed anyway. Something had finally gone right!

However, such thoughts were very dangerous. She should have learned by now not to think them. There was a sudden and vast 'GL'B' sound, quickly followed by a 'GLUYB'. Rainbow Dash fell to the floor, clutching her abdomen, uttering strong curse words such as 'poop' and 'garbage'. Twilight grabbed the stallion who had been serving the drinks by the shoulders. “What kind of tea was that?!” She cried.

“Rose leaf.”

“YOU FOOL!” She screeched. “SHE'S ALLERGIC TO ALL THINGS GIRLY!”

Rainbow Dash rose from the floor, still holding her belly with one hoof. “Sorry Twi, I'm out.” She grunted over her shoulder before rushing towards the restroom. Twilight watched forlornly as she went. She listened forlornly as loud retching sounds came from the restroom. She sighed forlornly when they didn't stop. She walked away. Forlornly.

“Today's been mighty tough, huh Twi?” Applejack asked, looping a hoof around her shoulder.

Twilight sighed, leaning on her friend. She suddenly felt very tired. “Yeah. There's this big monster about to rampage through Ponyville, destroying everything it comes across. And nopony will listen, or help try to defeat it. Well, except Dash. But then she got sick. I don't know Applejack. Maybe it's fate telling me that Ponyville deserves to be destroyed for it's negligence.”

Applejack nodded sagely. “Ah think Ah sorta get the gist o' what yer tryin' to say. But ya' can't let that get ya' down. If you don't rally tha forces, who will? Twa'light, yer the only bastion standin' betwixt the unwary populace and total annihilation.”

“What was that?”

“Apples Twi. Now as I was sayin', ya'll need to get outta yer funk and get back to savin' Ponyville indirectly through the voluntary enlistment o' willin' participants to combat an overwhelming foe.”

“You know what Applejack? You're right! I think. Anyway, where'd you come from?”

“Apples Twi. Apple pies, to be precise. Now go, fulfill yer destiny.”

With that Applejack shoved her into a large group of stallions that centered on a single mare. The mare was Rarity, who was at the Snuggly Changeling for the same as Rainbow Dash. Consuming large amounts of tea and gaining large amounts of attention. You all really should have seen it coming. Rarity was drawn to the establishment like a moth to fine satin. A bar filled with large, muscular stallions that were neither obnoxious nor crass and were only the tiniest bit excitable? She couldn't help herself. You know how she is when it comes to affections directed towards her. As demonstrated by her behavior around a certain young drake.

Twilight was jostled to her hooves by the stallions around her. Once she had cleared a proper place to stand with the pike on her head, she could hear Rarity reading a story that Twilight recalled was located within the pages of a certain book, Proper Stories Told by Proper Ladies to Proper Colts. It was filled with many proper stories that were told to all the little proper colts and (When their father's weren't looking.) proper fillies. Very sophisticated stories which guided the little foals into being proper mares and stallions.

“-The mother ran from pony to pony, begging and screaming. 'Have you seen my son?' 'HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON?!' But none had. Then, she heard a cry from within the depths of the forest she had just escaped. 'Mother, mother help! It is dark and I am scared!' Without a second thought the mare ran back into the haunted woods. There was a short scream, and then silence. None had the courage to go look for her. She was never seen again. Well, not really. From that day forward, there was another ghoul one had to avoid on their journey through the wood.”

The title was a bit too proper for common, unproper, ponies, so they simply called it the Proper Book of Horrors.

“And it is for that reason that one must always use the correct silverware while dining.”

All the stallions present sat stony faced, unwilling to show manifestations of their heart-stopping terror in front of a mare of such a high caliber as Rarity. Were it Applejack or Cheerilee, the stallions would have had no trouble showing just how scared they were. Really, they'd have all been in tears ten minutes ago. But that may have just been because Cheerilee is a teacher and coaxes reactions of honesty, whilst Applejack was Big Sis Applejack to everypony in town, and everypony can trust their Big Sis. But showing such emotions in front of Rarity would be tantamount to admitting that they have no chance at winning her hoof.

However, not all of those present had had the luxury of thirty odd years of pride to harden their resolve. Some had the misfortune of having absolutely no reason whatsoever to hide the fact that they had soiled their proverbial pants (Colts were too young to be wearing non-proverbial pants, after all.) in fear. In short, the three colts present were bawling their eyes out. Rarity didn't mind much, simply because she had also bawled her eyes out when she had first heard this particular tale. It was just so sad! But alas, such is the price of improper table manners.

Twilight also recalled telling Rarity when she found that Rarity owned a copy of the book to never read it aloud. Twilight frowned before tromping through the crowd, clearing the way with her magically enhanced pike. “Rarity!” She called, she wading through the crowd. Rarity instantly recognized the voice which had shouted her name. With a panicked look she hid the book within her mane and put on an innocent expression. “What have I told you about that book!?”

Rarity's look of innocence only wavered for a second. “Why Twilight, what a surprise seeing you here. How has your day been?” She asked, batting her eyelashes. The action didn't bother Twilight in the least, but a few of the stallions fainted.

Twilight's gaze hardened. “I've actually had a pretty cruddy day. And that book you got there made it just a little bit cruddier.” Without moving a muscle a violet glow grabbed the book and brought it to her. The Violet Glow released the book into her magic and Twilight gave it a pat on the head. “Good girl. Go find Spike and he'll give you something nice.” The Violet Glow chirped happily before bounding through the crowd and out the door.

Rarity looked at the book, then Twilight, and her lip began to tremble. “B-b-but Twilight, that's my book.” Her voice cracked and warbled, sending shocks and tremors into the stallions' hearts. Her eyes began to become watery and wavery, and that was all some of the stallions could take. With several loud 'BUMP' sounds, they fell to the ground. Caramel, who had recently returned, quickly scooped them up before anypony else. That Jet-ski was his! But Twilight stood, stony faced and unfazed.

“Rarity, I would be more inclined to let you keep a Candle Snake with you in bed than to let you keep this book any longer. I'd thought you would have showed more responsibility with a tome such as this, but I suppose that was always a false hope. I should have known you could never have resisted the properness of this book."

Rarity blushed bright red at the mention of a Candle Snake in bed, but persisted. “B-but twilight, my Nana gave that to me before she died! Would you really take such a precious item from me?”

“She should have had it buried with her. You won't be losing anything except a few night's sleep. Actually, a lot of night's sleep. My brother says he uses stories from this book to make senior guards wet themselves!”

“Oh, he's fibbing to you!”

“NO HE'S NOT!” Twilight shrieked. Anywhere else this might have gathered some attention, but in the Snuggly Changeling a mare shrieking 'no he's not' was a common enough happenstance. Rarity was wide-eyed and shocked-silent while Twilight only heaved heavy breaths.

Twilight closed her eyes, teeth still clenched in anger, put her hoof to her chest and breathed deeply. She held it for a second before pointing her hoof away from herself and breathing out. She repeated the exercise several times before her face went back to the stoney expression she had before. She looked at Rarity coldly. Rarity looked back fearfully. Twilight uttered something shocking. Something Rarity would never have thought could ever come out of one of her best friends' mouth.

“Young lady. Go to your room. You are grounded for a week.”

“B-but you aren't my mother! Y-you cannot ground me!”

“Say one more word that isn't 'yes' or 'ma'am' and you're grounded for two.”

“B-b-but..!”

“Rarity, go to your room this instant. You are grounded for two weeks. You may not read any romance novels or meet up with any of your friends excepting national crises.”

Rarity's eyes once again became watery and wavery, so much so that it leaked out into the real world. She ran through the crowd, pushing the stallions that were still conscious out of her way. As she ran through the door, they could all here her final cry. “You never let me do anything fun! You hate meeheheheee!!” And a trail of mascara stained tears was all that remained. And if one were to follow that trail they would find it led to the local boutique. And if they tried opening the door they would find it locked, with a sign on the window that read 'Grounded'.

The remaining stallions from the original crowd gave Twilight a look. She gave them a look back that if Sweet Joe were around to translate would have said 'Now are you going to help vanquish the beast upon us or not?'. The stallions cowed from the look in a way that said 'No, no I think not. It's probably a pansy anyway and I'd rather not have anything to do with you right now even though you're kind of pretty, so after this whole thing blows over give me a call.'. Twilight glared at them as they retreated in a way that stated, with grim finality, 'Not a chance.'.

She let slip a hound of anger through her teeth as she glared at every stallion in the room. “Why won't any of you get off your plots and do something!? Don't you all realize the incredible danger you're all in!? Don't you all realize what will happen if this monster reaches town!? He'll destroy your homes and businesses! He'll dig up graves! He'll dine upon the flesh of your children and wash it down with their blood! And any he lets live will be used for his own amusement and as livestock!"

"Who cares?" Shouted a faceless voice.

Twilight suddenly felt very tired again. "B-but, but he'll destroy your lives...

...He'll enslave your children...

...He, he'll blot out the sky...

...He'll..."

Twilight sighed deeply and fell to the floor. She felt completely drained. She had explained every evil mentioned of this beast which approached the village, and still they would do nothing. But, then she got this niggling thought in the back of her head. Way in the back, we're she kept thoughts that punished her for inorganization and incompleteness, she felt a painful prod. She realized she had forgotten one of the beasts mostly-but-obviously-not-unspeakable attributes.

"... He'll... He'll purloin your loves..."

"What?" asked the same faceless voice.

"... He'll steal your waifus..." Twilight uttered before falling asleep, coincidentally, underneath the same table under which Fluttershy resided. The entire bar went silent. Crickets may have chirped, if they had not been as shocked by what they heard as everypony else.

"...No way..."

"...Nothing could actually..."

"...My waifu would never..."

It was at that moment that Pinkie Pie burst through the doors, much like twilight had done an hour or so earlier.

"Hey girls!" She shouted. "Get out here and check out hunk headed for town!"

Fluttershy, who had been woken by the shouts, once again rose from under the table, careful not to wake Twilight. She gracefully trotted to one of the windows and looked out. Nopony could see her face, but her wings immediately went rigid, and within seconds she had left the bar. Rainbow Dash, who had finally gotten over the rose leaf tea, happened to glance out the window. Her jaw dropped, her eyes shrunk, and she flew out the window, despite the opposition offered by uncooperative wings.

After that a mare with a golden mane looked out the window. She did not have any wings to physically express what she saw, but she left in the same rush. Then Bon-Bon looked out the window, with the same results. Mare after mare looked, and mare after mare left. And with each mare that left, the stallions' expressions became darker and darker. The final straw was when Derpy, dear, sweet Derpy, gazed out the portal. She focused her good eye on what lay outside, and after just one look, her lazy eye slowly came to rest upon the figure still some ways away. She trotted, with perfect coordination, through the doors. She had been the last one, besides Twilight, who was still asleep.

Sweet Joe grabbed a mug of pond water and chugged the entire extra large tankard in one go. He slammed the mug through the table and took a very, very deep breath. His eyes were alight with a righteous flame and steam was beginning to rise off of his body. Many of the other stallions looked much as he did. He opened his mouth and

Far far away, within the deepest reaches of Palace Canter, the Day Princess was taking a nap. She wasn't sick, nor was she under a horrible spell. She had just spent the last forty-eight hours dealing with a rather vicious set of paperwork, which had stumped her best clerks, of which she had many, because forcing a Princess to do all of the paperwork that went through the palace was unpatriotic. But, even with the best and finest minds on the job, they could not make heads or tales of the request, and as such had called their Princess, whose thousand plus years of experience would surely shed some light on the matter. It didn't. But Celestia had stayed to help anyway, and after two days of either battling with or along-side the system, they finally had finished it. They were the papers that prepared for Blue Blood's next birthday, and what loving aunt wouldn't help with such a thing?

However, the unfortunate side effect was that she had worked through the night, which was not something she had done since she was a spry mare of only five hundred or so. Nopony blamed her when she canceled day court and declared a royal four-hour nap, with all important business placed upon her sister and all non-important business to be burned. Twas a day of much rejoicing and much mourning. She was to be uninterrupted by anything, by royal decree. The fact that the decree was royal did not nothing to prevent a very loud scream from piercing her dreams. Celestia sat with a start at the sound, and for a second she thought she had imagined it. She threw that idea in the rubbish heap when she heard it again.

She did not like being interrupted, but she also did not like hearing anypony, or anyone, screaming. She just couldn't stand it. And since she was a benevolent tyrant, she did not just simply throw them where she couldn't hear them. In her many long years of life, she had made it a habit to try and help any and all distressed creatures she came across. She rose from her bed and exited her bedroom to investigate the noise. As she left her bedroom, the sound became louder, so much so that she was surprised that she hadn't heard it until just now. "Guards, do you know where that dreadful sound is coming from?" She asked either of the two guards stationed in front of her door.

Now, if she had asked a passing chef, or maid, they might have too distracted to answer the question for the fact that Princess Celestia, Ruler of the Day and Raiser of the Sun, was wearing a black silk nightgown. Stallions would have passed out for blood loss, and mares would burn red for seeing their princess in such a state. The two guards on either side of her door, however, were neither chefs not maids. Even though they were both stallions, they had been left to stand outside of Celestia's bedroom for hours left with nothing but their imaginations. They entertained themselves. It had gotten to such a point that when they really did see their beloved Princess in nothing but a black slip, the image did not live up to their imaginations. This may be due to the fact that a part of her mane was stuck to the side of her face with saliva, her eyes were crusted over by that unidentifiable yellow eye-wax, and she spoke with a faint slur. "We're not sure Princess." Answered the one on the Right.

"We had thought it was a soccer game." Replied the one on the Left.

"Ah." The Princess nodded. "That makes sense. Good day."

"And you Princess."

Celestia returned to her room, a happy smile on her face. 'I'm glad nobody is hurt.' She thought. She slipped in between her covers, and as she drifted off into dreamland, she thought one last thought. 'The screaming is rather dreadful though. It's a pity I'm missing the game, it must be great fun.'

"Thanks for taking care of the problem Big Mac." Twilight yawned. Big Mac adjusted his shoulder so that she wouldn't fall off.

"Ahm only sorry Ah didn't reduce that six legged, round headed freak inta paste sooner."

"It's okay. Even though I had told you all from the beginning that you should have destroyed the beast. He has a peculiar effect on mares, almost like my 'Want it, Need it' spell. It had to either be stallions or a magical Mcguffin to beat him. But, even though I was right and you were all wrong, I forgive you. The lesson was well learned."

"What lesson?"

"'Always trust everything Twilight tells you.'. Oh, you can let me off here. Thanks for the ride."

"Tweren't a problem. Good night."

"Night Big Mac." Twilight called from her back door. She yawned again before entering through the door and into the kitchen. Which, at first glance, looked as if it had been the background for a romantic dinner. But that was ridicules. She wandered past the kitchen proper, where pots, pans, and the occasional wine flute lay atop the counters. Once she entered the dinning room, she glanced at the table, perhaps in hope that she would find dinner waiting for her. But all that greeted her was two dirty plates with scraps of spaghetti and tomato sauce. It was then that she wet smacking sounds coming from upstairs. She roamed up the stairs and, without a shred of respect of privacy and without knocking, opened the door that led to Spike's room because he's a big boy now and he can't sleep in a basket forever.

There, on the couch that had been shoved against the wall, was Spike. And there, in his arms and his face, was the Violet Glow. Twilight scrunched her brow, trying to recall the exact biological similarities between Dragons and Glows, and also the exact symptoms of puberty in a young male dragon. Her face dawned a confused look when her directory stated that 'reproduction' was supposed to follow 'wings' and 'territorial tendencies'. Twilight shrugged. She supposed a dragon raised by ponies was going to be a little mixed up. "Spike, I'm going to bed now, so if you're going to keep making out with Violet keep it down." Twilight called over her shoulder on her way to her own bedroom.

Spike started at Twilight's voice, and seeing as how half his mouth was full of sharp teeth and the other half was in someone else's mouth, this was not a good thing. With a great slowness he had not thought imaginable, in either reality or dreams, his teeth went up while the girl's lips stayed down. Then slowly, agonizingly slowly, his shiny white chompers punctured the Glow's soft violet lip. The Glow also happened to have sharp teeth, and when she heard Twilight's voice, she went down as Spike's lips went up. And slowly, not quite as slowly as Spike but still pretty slow, her own blue chompers found their way underneath one of his scales, and sliced through the soft flesh found therein. Then, through some embarrassing shenanigans, the two of them gulped.

And as they did, they each felt a hot trickle down their throats. It slid down into their bellies. And it sat there. The two of them had pulled apart, and each had an aghast expression.They had swallowed each other's blood. And both Dragons and Glows had very special blood. This event preceded much shenanigans, and just tiny bit of adventure, but that is a story for another day.

Author's Note

Fixed a few mistakes.
I am so sorry to whoever read that.
Glue isn't a color by the way.