ＢＵＴＴＯＮ ＭＡＳＨ ＫＩＬＬＳ ＥＶＥＲＹＯＮＥ ＡＮＤ (kind of) ＤＩＥＳ

by zel

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1044

Mash gets fed up with video games

Infinite collaboration with [site_url=/user/Kragor]Kragor[/site_url].
Button reaches Mash 3 in this exciting tale of friendship.
Upon leaving the basement for the first time, Mash discovers why incest is a better solution than video games.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-12 00:12:30 UTC

it is actually le "ebin" maymay

Once upon a time, in a gay ‘ol place called horsetown, it was a real nice snowy winter day. The birds were hibernating, the bears were flying north, and Burton Mash was in his basement playing video games. “Damn, I sure do hate niggers.” Button Mash said while playing Call of Doritos: Advanced Meme Wars. He never actually found out he was a Nigger himself. How tragic. Look at that shit coat colour though.

That was the moment when The Reader realised that human standards most likely do not apply to ponies - even though Button radiated cancer with such intensity, there was no doubt about his true identity; A pony nigger.

As Button Mash sat there playing Call of Duty though, he realized quickly that he was faced with quite the conundrum. He had hooves. And he was playing with a controller. It was a good thing the developers included automatic aim and movement - even still, Mash was losing.

“Aww shit, I’m so bad at this game.” Button Mash said to himself. He had no choice, he had to consult the #ProGamer gods. He quickly started up his shitty laptop and navigated to YouTube, where he searched for “OnlyAfro.” He was almost immediately faced with several official meme king quality videos from which he could learn to “get good.” Obviously, this was all but ruse; True gamers know that the true passcode to ultimate #yolo is actually “420blazeitnoscopesweg420blazeitnoscopesweg420blazeitnoscopesweg.”

Unfortunately, nothing could help Button Mash get gud at the end of the day. This might have been caused by watching videos about the wrong fucking game - he could not be sure of that though. After all, everyone knows that if you want to get good at League of Legends, you need to play Heroes of the Storm for five days straight. All 7 champions at once. No items. Final Destination. Alpha and Omega. 9gag and reddit. Wait, those are the same thing. Whoops.

Anyways, Button Mash was not too pleased that he couldn’t get good at videogames. He couldn’t get a job either, so he had been living in his mom’s basement for the past 20 years as well. He has been actually descending one level of the basement every 10 years. He wasn’t good at the Binding of Isaac either; a roguelike that required almost no skill thanks to how easily it can be broken. He learned how to survive off poop alone. Little did Button Mash know at the time, he was actually Isaac all along?? whoops spoilers that was #rude of me. At least he was not a nigger anymore. Some would consider that to be progress forwards, but our hero was unaware of it.

Also, he had cancer.

As they say, one step forwards, two steps back. And then tumbling down the stairs back into the hole.

Luckily enough, Button Mash found Cheat Engine and finally escaped the basement thanks to hacks. He also broke memory in some other areas, so he segfaulted almost immediately anyways. Thankfully, autosave somehow saved him, and he was now out of the basement for the first time in 20 years.

“Red sun over paradise,” Button whispered, gazing at the sky. It was not the sun, however. It was blood. Blood was on his hooves, and he was responsible. Sundowner would probably be proud. Or not. He was kind of chopped to pieces and shit. It probably hurt quite a bit.

Trying to put it behind him though, Button Mash climbed out of his mom’s house, catching a glimpse of the first Christmas lights he had seen in a very long time.

Also, for some reason there were futanari loli succubi everywhere. Not sure why. Everyone liked that though. It was pretty good.

“Well then… I guess that was quite the wacky adventure…” Button Mush said, as he drew his final breath. RIP.

“You cannot die yet,” suddenly exclaimed a feminine voice. We are still not at 1000!

The words of truth sparked inspiration in Button Mash’s lifeless corpse, and through some kind of wacky arcane magic, he rose once again. Not as a pony, and not as a zombie. Definitely not a vampire either. Button Mash returned to the world as a furry.

It was quite an amazing thing, Button Mach had always identified as wolfkin, so this was pretty much a dream come true.

“Man, I should totally go yiff™ right now.” He said.

“Yiff in hell, furfag!” shouted his mother out of the window, not recognizing her own son. Or maybe she did recognize him and disowned him in a split second. We may never know, but we do know that she hates furries.

“M-mom it’s me!” Button Mash said, dropping a bunch of spaghetti on the cold winter snow.

“I know, Mish,” said his mother with a disappointed sigh. “Your father was a furry too, you know.”

“Is that why you had to kill him?” Bunton asked.

“No, it’s because he had a gambling problem.” She replied with a disappointed sigh. “Also, after i absorbed him, I have gained all of his abilities. And one more thing, but that is a talk for another day.”

“Aww shit nigga, why won’t you tell me?” Button asked, allowing for a split second his nigerian roots to return to him.

“Because… Because you are actually a son of me and me. Your father died long before he was able to knock me u- actually he would never be able to do that, no matter the time.” Button’s mom facehooved.

“And why is that?” Fluppon continued to question his mother.

“He…” She trailed off, embarrassed. “He was a fucking faggot. In the end, it does not even matter. I had to double as a mare and stallion.”

“That’s kind of hot, mom.” Button said.

“I know, that is why I have been absorbing stallions all over Equestria to grow in size, and finally be able to pull it off.”

“Well then mom, I have an incredibly important question for you.” The furry said.

“I was in the middle of the explanation of my evil plan - but okay, continue,” she benevolently replied.

“Wanna /ss/?” Button asked.

“k”

and so button and mom was /ss/

the end