It Came From Indiana!

by The_Machinist

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Other, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6
Length: 1845

Behold as a hunter from Indiana breaks way from his world and enters... *gasp* EQUESTRIAAAAAAHHH GOD DAMNIT I STUBBED MY TOE

A BEARDED THING! IT CAME FROM INDIANA! WILL IT DEVOUR THE PONIES? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON IT CAME FROM INDIANA!

UPDATE Now with text!

Published 2014-12-13 04:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-13 04:40:06 UTC

Chapter 5,000,000

Gulp gulp gulp...BURP “Ah…” The Red Engineer sighed happily as he leaned back into his Chair-O-Matic. No words could ever sum up the beauty of the map he was in as he looked from side to side, fence to fence. Teufort the Red Engineer thought as he gulped down the rest of the beer he was holding. He looked at the front of the sickly brown bottle and noted that the name of the beer was “Saxton’s Ale”. The Engineer laughed to himself before chucking the bottle off the battlements, at least… It was supposed to be thrown off the battlements.

Instead a loud SHATTER clip rang out through the area as the bottle hit something fleshy. The Red Engineer frowned as he packed up his Chair-O-Matic, but it was too late… “Augh!” The Engineer cried out as he spontaneously disappeared. Forward stepped an engineer just like the one that was killed, except that he was bleeding. a WHOOSH was heard, and in the cloud of smoke that was an engineer, a Blue Spy stepped out.

The spy wiped blood off of his formerly spotless blue suit, but only succeeded in spreading the blood onto his gloved hand. The spy straightened his tie and spoke out in a smooth, seductive voice. “Admiral shot…” The spy stood still for a moment before bursting out in snorting laughter.

“OH MY GOD THIS SPY IS HACKING!” The formerly quiet teufort was filled with the annoyingly loud screech.

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A FRIENDLY IS?!” The question was shouted so loudly that one could hear static replace the screeching of vultures.

The blue spy burst out laughing once more before abruptly saying “No.” Of course, this enraged the young voice in the clouds even more, as he let out a cacophony of noises. Suddenly, a new voice filled in, abruptly silencing that angry voice of the young being. It was far more older and much more mature sounding than the previous voice.

“Okay, you need to stop talking so loud, or i’m gonna have to gag you.”

And then the blue spy disappeared, leaving naught but text in his wake. Bilbo Baggins has left the game.

“Yah!” Jim leapt out of his sleeping bag with a large stick wielded with both hands. He scanned the edges of the clearing he was in. Noting that daylight shown through the cracks between the tree branches, he sighed. “Why do I always dream of that damned game…” He plopped himself down on his sleeping bag and reached for his boots. “Not like I can play it anyways…” Jim grumbled as he tapped the boots against the forest floor, checking for any loose critters that may have stowed away for the night.

“Huh. Nothin’ there.” Jim raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “Usually there’d be some spider or another, but this ain’t home.” Jim slipped on both boots and tied them securely to his feet, hiding the thick black socks beneath them. Grunting, he lifted himself off the ground and brushed dirt off of his camouflage pants. Checking himself over, he gave a happy sigh when he saw that everything was in place. “How bout that… mutant wolf… I killed then…” Jim frowned when he thought about that encounter, when he had first come here.

It wasn’t his fault that he was here. In fact, he didnt even realize that he wasn’t home until the sun became encased in a golden glow and brought down abruptly. “Heh… Thought I were dreamin’ right there, but nope. Dang ol’ moon was bigger too!” He scoffed as he walked over to the wooden corpse, now broken apart, it’s body used for a campfire that was now smoldering near the sleeping bag.

Jim examined the areas where the wooden wolf had been injured, and noted that one of the wad slugs he fired at the poor wolf’s midsection had blown a hole that leaked a green, glowing sap. The second slug he fired had missed, and hit a tree. “These new slugs i got have a kick…” He sighed and bowed his head. “Didn’t mean to kill no wolf, jus’ wanted to get rid of those deer eatin’ the neighbors corn.”

He walked over to his campfire and stamped out what was smoldering. Jim looked around and admired the beauty of the forest. Unusually green grass grew beneath his feet, a patch of blue flowers awaited for somebody to smell their intoxicating scent. Rabbits had started to come out of their holes and looked at jim with humanlike curiosity before bounding off into the forest.

Jim inhaled deeply to catch all the smells of the forest, but a hummingbird appeared just a foot from his face, he held his breath, being careful as to not blow away the fragile bird. It stared into his eyes with an alarmingly cautious gaze for a bird. It studied him curiously before deciding to hover upwards and place itself in between the ridges of Jim’s battered stetson.

He let out a relieved sigh as his face changed back from beat red to its’ normal tannish color. “God dang birds. Makin’ me nearly suffocate jus’ so they can look at me like they rule the dang ol’ forest…”

An angry chirped sounded from the top of his head. The hummingbird pecked his stetson lightly before settling down in between the ridges again, closing its’ eyes.

The human beneath it laughed and squatted down next to his sleeping bag. “Yeah… I guess I did bother ya a little bit, sorry little fella.” Jim rolled up his sleeping bag and clipped it to the travel pack laying against a tree. He slung it over his shoulder with one hand and picked up his old Sawn-Off Ithaca M37, ejecting the shell inside of the chamber as he did so and loading a new one.

He kept quiet as he walked off into the forest, allowing the hummingbird to get the rest in most likely needed. He carefully skirted the blue flowers and began to head back the way he came, treading lightly to not alert the hummingbird from its’ noiseless slumber. The hunter raised an eyebrow as he walked for what seemed like hours. “Coulda sworn that I would be back by now, aha!”

He tore through the thorn bushes, scratching himself as he noticed that the edge of the forest was near. He was going to be home real soon, and he was going to have a hummingbird companion with him. Jim smiled as he burst from the forest, but a look of confusion replaced his grin. The confused gaze turned into a terrified stare when he noticed that he wasn’t even close to home, and he wasn’t anywhere he knew.

Not too far off from him, there was a cottage that was built into a hill rather nicely, with a bridge and stream in front of the serene looking structure. Jim tore his gaze from the cottage and examined the rather calm meadow between the cottage and a medival looking town that sat in the distance. He could note creatures flying around the town, and looking off into the distance, he could see a white castle sticking off the side of the mountain somehow.

“There ain't no way that mountains got here while i was asleep! God damn!” The hunter angrily stomped on the ground while shouting obscenities into the sky above, but the hummingbird wasn’t fazed by this. It was used to a certain rabbit’s angry stomping and yelling. When Jim finally calmed down, he had quickly noticed that he was hungry, and that he needed to take shelter somewhere. Opting to try out the cottage nearby first, he moved quickly.

“Better try and see dang ol’ PETA member veterinarian is home… If he is one.” Jim chuckled darkly to himself as he neared the cottage door, it was short, much too short for a human being, only reaching to his neck. “PETA hobbits. God dang.” He laughed a little, garnering some attention to himself courtesy of a few rabbits, who angrily waved their arms and hit his boots.

Jim snorted and looked down at the squeaking animals. “Ya’ll better skedaddle. I don’t want no attention.” The rabbits paused for a moment, before scampering off. Jim smirked as the group ran around a corner of the biological home. “Smart lil’ fellas.” He cracked his knuckles, much to the dismay of several mice nearby, who dove beneath the grass as he knocked on the door with three loud knocks.

He heard a shuffling come from within and a barely noticeable voice. “Coming!”

“Huh, sounds like a young girl ‘bout the age of Taylor.” He scratched at his bushy beard and hummed to himself while he waited. “Reckon that this lil’ girl’s parents ain’t gonna be home, better to sound a bit less rough with ‘er.” He laughed to himself as he heard what sounded like hooves on hard wood flooring approach the door from inside. “Din’t know I was in Holland.” Jim whistled, to which the hummingbird whistled back. “Sweet lil’ thing you are.” He smilled.

Jim turned just in time to catch the door opening. “Oh I’m terribly sorry for not coming right away, I was just in the middle of feeding Barry and I… I…” The yellow and pink pony’s pupils shrunk as her eyes traveled up to meet Jim’s equally surprised face. “Oh dear…” The pegasi’s voice was barely audible from where Jim was standing. “I-I don’t think I’ve seen an animal like you before…”

Jim snorted and laughed. “Well I ain’t never seen a pegasus before either but I read ‘bout ‘em in High School.” He crouched down to face the mildly shivering pegasus. “But I can assure you that as a… uh… hunter I ain’t gonna hurt something that talks to me.” The pegasus stopped shivering and looked down at the ground.

“Oh… Well that’s um… Good i suppose. Where… Where do you come from?” The pegasus looked up at him, slightly less afraid.

Jim scratched at his beard again. “Well miss, I come from Indiana, but that ain’t important.” He felt something rustle on top of his head, and smiled as he heard a peaceful chirp come from the hummingbird. “She’s a sweet lil’ bird.”

“Oh!” The pegasus smiled “Was that your hummingbird i heard just then?” The yellow pony sheepishly bowed her head slightly. “If you don’t mind me asking…”

Jim waved a hand “Ah it’s nothing, but if you’d let me in then we could talk more n’ get to know each other. Name’s Jim by the way.” Jim stuck out a hand and waited for the pony to reach out with her hoof.

Fluttershy looked on in momentary confusion before remembering the gesture. “Oh! My name is Fluttershy, nice to meet you Mister Jim…” Fluttershy felt him firmly grip her hoof before letting go. She let out a happy sigh at the prospect of making a new friend. Maybe she could even ask him if they have animals where he lives.