Fallout: Equestria : Fat Man

by Narlax

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Discord, Crossover, Sex, Human, Anthro, Diamond Dogs, Fleur de Lis, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 107582

A young man (attempts to) survive the Equestrian Wasteland. Will his strange outlook on life be a boon or a hex on himself and those around him? Will he find a way home? Or does he even WANT to go home?

A young brony finds himself in a very inhospitable world that mimics one of his favorite shows. Wandering about, he runs into (quite literally) a camp of unscrupulous individuals, ran by a familiar face. Now, he has to figure out how the world works, and try not to drive himself (and the group of former Raiders) insane.

((Will touch on a lot of sexual subjects, yet will not go full on clop. Starts off in first person perspective, but may shift from character to character, or even change perspective entirely.))

Published 2014-12-14 04:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-18 05:55:35 UTC

Chapter Two: So, you want to be a Mercenary.

From the personal desk of Commander Sleet Rock of the Iron Legion:

As of this moment, I am recovering at our base from an emergency surgery performed when I experienced a violent reaction to a can of spoiled baked beans and honey. The spell that was supposed to keep the food fresh for a millennia had failed, and had caused my unfortunate allergy to be worsened by my body trying to deal with both the allergen AND the artificial magic sensitivity.

The situation that led to this is rather comical once I thought about it.

As per my troops usual route to maintain our search routes for our retrievers, we came across the ruins of the town of Redwood, a town that was named for the once mighty tree that fell during Princess Luna’s revolt, which homes and town stand upon the still strong stump. The town was newly occupied, and we could tell that the ponies there where either insane or extraordinarily clever. They had created berries of three kinds. The first was a minefield filled to the brim with explosive mines, and a few plasma mines, to my calculations. It almost forced one to go through the town in the more proper and foolhardy manner, a long, open corridor that went up the main street, making me vulnerable to any attack (as shown by the body of a Night Stallion goon who was shot in the forehead, and had been relieved of it’s usual Stealth Boy). The last was a series of curses laid upon the back doorway. If I was not gifted with the common sense my mother and teachers had instilled, and in some cases beaten into me, I could have ended up dead by my own hubris.

I digress.

I managed to follow the rather recent scorch marks made by some unfortunate soul who had tried to run through the field. If I did not know any better, I would have sworn that the last victim of the gauntlet rolled straight through the minefield with a large cement pillar, from the look of the grass and the way that several of the remains of the mines under it was unarmed without it exploding. With the lack of a body… or at least pieces of a body… present, I am only to assume that the one who did such an act was the late Night Stallion thug, considering the trail ends at an embankment that looks over the main street, where I found his body.

I managed to find other cover as I used the reflection on my knife to look at the area, and while I could see a sniper located at the bell tower attached to the library, I could tell that said sniper was occupied in what I could assume was self-gratification of the sensual manner. She suddenly shifted and left her spot as I watched two others approach the front door. I used the oppurtunity to get closer to the building, and made certain not to approach the building proper till I felt assured that I could do so safely. I heard a series of scuffles and shots fired, and used it as the cover to sneak to the side of the building, where I noticed the first of many charms to keep the windows locked from the outside. It would take a very strong mage to make such a charm, one that had the capability to study.

I heard several voices arguing with one another as I made my way to the only open window I could see, and that is when I saw him.

Standing just shy of six feet, large build, overweight, and wearing a black coat was a human male. He reminded me of our Brotherhood friends, but he was well fed. Wherever he came from, I could say that he had a lot of access to food. Could even be a leader, by his lack of muscle tone that I noticed. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t worked a hard day in his life. The human was looking at a Mark 9 Mini-gun as a very talkative stallion spoke with him about it.

At the time, I thought that this was an arms deal with a human group from another corner of the wastelands, but after his talk with the subject designated as “D.A.” by the human, his attention went directly to an assortment of cans and began to rummage through them.

I thought that he was simply looking for food, and decided that if this creature was truly trying to take technology, even something as mundane (at least within my own eyes) as a mini-gun, then he was not to be left alive. I made my way to the back and found the back barred with debris and hexes. I did not feel like I could do an adequate breach in that situation by myself, and decided to try to go through the window after taking care of the human.

I looked in the window sill with my weapon at the ready when a large, bloated can was thrown and exploded mere inches from my face, covering me with the contents. I realized what I was covered in, but did not know the scope of the problem till I saw a pair of mares, one of which was in the middle of yelling at the human for something till she noticed me, where looking right at me.

I began to feel the swelling in my face when the human reached out and grabbed hold of me by the shoulders. I was pretty impressed that he managed to drag me through the window, considering that I am a good three hundred pounds with gear on. He brought me to the floor and I attempted to throw him off of me as my windpipe began to close up.

I was so panicked that I didn’t even hear what anyone was saying. For the most part, my fears where split up between my lack of air and being killed by the human.

I felt a needle go into my throat, as well as the warming numbness that Med-X gives, then the numb feeling of something slicing into my now numb throat. However, it wasn’t the wide, gruesome slash that I knew about in the past, one that killed or scared many in the wastes. It was small, and when I felt air slip through the hole, some of my fear died in my place.

Something was put in the hole, and I could feel air enter and exit my lungs easier.

My life was saved by the man I was no more than a few minutes ago was willing to kill.

Before I could give any signs of thanks, I heard the human give a shout of joy as he fell backwards. “I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!” I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing that the pony… Person who saved me was unskilled. However, the fact that he was happy that it worked brought a lot more ease to my heart, till I felt somepony else kneel beside me.

She asked questions about the rest of my group and our intentions. The mare was worried. I could tell. But I reassured her that if I was not harmed, that they would not try and kill the inhabitants. Granted, I could only answer her questions with yes or no answers, but I did what I could to help calm them.

However, they did ask what my intentions where before I was afflicted. I told them the truth. They didn’t like it, but they did not have the gumption to try and attack me. I heard the human sigh heavily when he heard that I would have killed him. He couldn’t be a vault or stable dweller, but he acted so disconnected to the world since I got there, and I seemed to have caused him to crash right to the side of reality.

I was glad that I couldn’t see the look on his face, but I could tell that he was experiencing a lot of inner turmoil. Regretfully, said turmoil only got worse when the leader of the group appeared.

The first act she did was attack the human, resting my hypothesis of him being an arms dealer to rest. A loud scuffle was all I could make out as a the young mare begged for leniency from the leader. After a few seconds, the only clue that she had spared the young human was a reluctant sigh, and heavy breathing. She, presumably, took the human away.

I was afraid for a moment. I had no idea what she would do to me in the state I was in. However, when I heard the voice of Private Evergreen demanding my return, I tried to sit up, only for me to feel the warmth of magic lift me up.

“Damn Iron Legion, can’t tell when a mare wants to be left alone.” Was all I could hear from who I deduced was the leader. At the same time, I felt the tube in my throat being pulled out as the wound slowly healed. The swelling around my air ways was reduced, but my eyes and lips are still an issue. As my medical status changed, I was dropped unceremoniously out the front door, sans two laser riffles, three plasma mines, and my entire bandolier of plasma grenades. I’m more than willing to give them their “Doctor’s fee” for what they have done, but I still wished that I could have stayed around to speak with the human and the leader.

I will attempt to go back as soon as I have recovered. The medics say I will be on my hooves in a week and a half.

(This entry has been transcribed by Scribe Ear Shot.)

///////////////////////////////////////

Oh, boy did I have a weird dream.

I was stuck in a library filled with ponies with guns, knives and several kinds of anti-social disorders. One was even a half zebra, half human sex addict. If I actually believed in anything Fraud came up with, I’d have SO many questions about what she represented in my subconscious.

Oh, hello four red eyes looking over the edge of my bed.

Oh, crap…

My eyes shot open as I realized that I was, in fact, still in said Library. Despite the suddenness of my eyes opening, the rest of me was still as the grave as I looked at the two Pegasus… pegasi… winged horses. For now on, the plural of Pegasus is going to be winged horses. Case settled, Grammar Nazis. You can stop arguing about it now.

“Hello, Rip. Tear. Is it alright if I get out of bed?”

They looked at each other, then back at me as they stepped away from the bed. I slowly sat up and took the blanket off myself, only to reveal that I was in my boxers.

“YIPES!” I covered myself back up as I looked at the two Pegasi…. Wait, I said flying horses, didn’t I? Damn it, it’s a lot harder to make grammatical precedence than I thought it would be.

Back on topic, I covered myself up as I looked at the two sisters. It took a while before I could actually form a proper sentence. “S-so… where are my clothes?”

“Boss has new clothes for you.” They said in unison.

Oh, Steven King would LOVE these two (Note: this is a Shining Reference. Not the bad mini-series with that guy from Wings. It’s the good one with Jack Nicholson in it. Yeah, I mean the guy who played The Joker in the Eighties movie. Don’t believe me? IMbD it. I double dog dare you.)

I looked around the room and didn’t see a thing. “Where are they?”

Tear pointed at a nearby shelf where I saw a metal storage box. I turned back to them with a smile. “Thanks. Uh… I’m going to get dressed now…” The two continued to stare at me. “That means that I might get naked.” Still nothing. “Could I get some privacy?”

The two twins looked at one another , then turned their backs to me. I suppose that is going to be as good as it gets at the moment. I stand up and after slipping my shoes on, make my way over to the shelf. It was a lot warmer than it was yesterday, but far from what I would call “Bathing suit weather”. I grabbed hold of the box and moved it over to my bed. Opening it slowly, I looked in to see a brown work shirt. I looked it over and noticed that it had several patches and stitches on it. Pretty neat that it was still in one piece. I laid it on the table as I pulled out a white undershirt. Again, older, didn’t have the same give mine had on it, but putting it on felt very comforting.

I pulled out a pair of blue jeans. They are a nice, strong pair of pants if I say so myself. A quick flick of the wrist and I pulled my new pair up. A nice bit of give around the waist made it easier to pull them up over my belly. Sure, it made me look fat(er) without anything over it, but I thought that having my shirt unstuffed will make it unnoticeable.

As I put on my brown shirt, I noticed something else in the box. Once the last button was buttoned, I reached in and pulled out a gun holster with a strange looking pistol in it. I put it back into the box as I looked over at the sisters.

“Uh… I’m dressed. You can look now.”

The two turned back to me and looked up at me. Rip looked me over and looked unhappy. “You didn’t put on all your clothes.”

“Huh? Yes, I did.”

“Where’s your light thing, then?”

Light thing…? A flashlight?

“Uh, I didn’t see a light thing in there.”

Tear looked into the box, then back at me. “Then you don’t have good eyes. Light thing is in there in belt.”

Wait… belt? The Holster has a light- The gears in my mind where working on overtime for a solid half a minute till it dawned on me. That was a laser pistol.

I reached into the box and looked at it again, then back at the sisters. “Okay, this thing, right?”

The two nodded as I held onto the holster like I was holding onto a time bomb. Now, let me explain why I have such trepidation in all this. It’s not because they gave me a weapon. It’s the KIND of weapon they gave me. I remember several times where I would shoot a bandit in the leg ONCE, and their whole body disintegrated on impact. IN THE LEG! Granted, you could make the case that “It was only a game”, that “Developers wanted to make it look cool”. Of course, those same people would have told me two days ago that “Equestria is only a made up land from a children’s TV show”. I am NOT putting myself into a situation where I could accidently melt/burn up myself.

I walked out and saw Ragdoll walking the dirty, debris filled hallway. “Hey there, Jerry boy, sleep well?”

I nodded as I kept my eyes on my laser pistol. “I slept well. I just had a bit of a startle when I woke up to the Olson Twins looking at me over the bed.”

Ragdoll looked at me with a confused smile. “Olson Twins… let me guess, Pop culture reference from your world?”

I realized how stupid that sentence sounded as it left my mouth. Ragdoll’s comment did not help me feel any better. “Yeah… expect more of the same. It’ll probably be the only thing that’ll keep me sane.”

“That’s all well and good, but it might drive the rest of us crazy if you do it too much.” She said in a teasing manner.

I grinned a bit as I felt the two pair of hooves grabbing hold to my shoulder and drape themselves over my back. The Twins weren’t nearly as heavy as I thought them to be till I realized why. They were hovering ever so slightly behind me as I walked down the hallway after Ragdoll.

I could make a Treasure Island reference here, but it would seem kind of misplaced. Maybe I should do a nod to Pirates of the Caribbean. Nah, the less I think of Jack Sparrow at the moment the better (Don’t hate Johnny Depp, but after four films, you kind of get Sparrowed out.)

Bah, it’s too early in the morning for this.

I looked out the window and noticed the light shining down like it was mid-day.

Alright, I’m rephrasing that last comment. It’s too early in the afternoon for this.

I walk back to the library proper and see Flure sitting at the front desk faceing the door, talking with Sunday. After a few seconds, I could make out a few bits of their conversation, and I did not like the way it sounded. Neither did Rip nor Tear, who quickly flew away, leaving me wishing that I was with the two psychotic bloodletting sisters.

“He’s going to be a burden on us if he comes, Boss. There is no reason to put me and Dumbass in a situation where we’d be bogged down by stupid jokes and having to explain what a gun is and which end to point it towards the nasty things that go boo. Maybe in a day or two, but not today.”

“Sunday, it wasn’t a request. It was an order. He’s going with you, and he’s going to help you retrieve the gear at Sight 101.” For a split second, Flure had a slight, red glow in her cybernetic eye. If you weren’t looking at them, it would be way too easy to overlook it. By the look on Sunday’s face, she didn’t overlook it.

She gave a heavy sigh as she nodded. “Alright, alright… I just hope to the Sisters that we can bring him back in one piece. Maybe his skull could go for some quick caps if it isn’t split open.” She said as she rolled her eyes, right into my gaze. She blushed a bit, probably wishing she hadn’t said anything, but she shook her head and walked away.

Flure didn’t bother looking back to me as she pulled out some paper with her magic and began writing. “How long where you there for?”

“Something about Sight 101… I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you want me to go into a stable or vault to retrieve something with Miss Sunday and DA.”

“No, you’re just going to go shopping.” Her normally monotone voice dripped with a chipper sarcasm as she finally looked back at me. “We’re out of eggs and milk. Just so happens to be double coupon day at the local grocery store, and we all know how nasty bargain hunters can be on Double Coupon day.”

“Very nice follow through, Ma’am. If we were back at home, I’m sure that you’d have a sit-com on NBC that’ll probably last more than half a season.” I said with a fake smile.

She did not return it.

“First rule of comedy, Jerry.” She raised her hoof to my chest and gave me a gentle poke. “ Know your audience. You know what a store is, I know what a store is. The fucking Deathclaws in the Everfree Forest know what a store is. My joke is funny. You know what NBC is, but I don’t know what NBC is. Pop culture references are only good when the audience knows what the hell your talking about.” Her voice had returned to the cold, monotone I was used to.

“If you have to explain the punchline, then the joke’s no good?” I answered with a very manly squeak.

“Very good. You learn very quickly. That is one reason why I’m pairing you off with Sunday and Dumbass. You need to get experience fast, and this is the best way to do it. You get the items from the Sight, bring them back, and I’ll give you first dibs on the good stuff. Sound good?” Her eye turned to a soft green as she smiled at me. I nodded, not wanting to incur her wrath with any instinctual quip I might have brought up.

My stomach growled as I looked at the food just a few feet away from me. A box of sugar bombs. I reached for it as it slowly raised away from my grasp. I looked at the silver aura as it flew to the owner of the magic…. Sunburn.

“Hey! I was going to eat that for breakfast!”

“You don’t get breakfast, pink boy. You need to actually do work to get food.” He opened the packaging and popped a few of the crispy delicious looking, most likely stail as hell pastries into his good for nothing, jack ass mouth.

Yeah, did I mention I don’t like this son of a –

“Hey, Jerry, take my other Fancy Lad. I don’t like them as much as the Corn Nibblers.” I heard the wonderful voice of DA as I turned to see said Fancy Lad flying to my face. I tried to catch hold of the pastry, only for it to slip past my fingers and smack me on the forehead. Interesting note on Fancy lads and, most likely Twinkies as well. They may be edible for long stretches of time, but they can still be hard as a rock. Especially when thrown at your face.

The Twinkie wannabe ricocheted off my forehead and bounced out of sight. My hands went straight to covering the spot where it hit as I hissed the pain away. DA, bless his heart, came over and patted me on the shoulder while Sunburn busted out laughing.

“Son of a- you alright, big guy?” DA asked as I finally found the ability to say words that made sense.

“God bless you for meaning well, DA, but next time, just hand me the Fancy Lad.” I moaned as I stopped rubbing my forehead. Thankfully, the smack to the head reminded me of something pretty important. I turned to DA with a worried look on my face. “How is the guy from yesterday doing? I haven’t seen hide or hair of him since I woke up.”

He looked worried. Not like he knew something bad and needed to tell me a cover story worried. Just worried worried. “No idea. The Boss healed him up a bit after choking you out and tossed him to his friends. Last I saw of him, he was being carried away, but it seemed like he was moving on his own.”

I wasn’t mad. Flure didn’t kill the guy. Probably shouldn’t be too worried about it. DA said he was healed, so as long as she didn’t act like a grumpy old man, things should be alright.

Right?

Sunday returned, throwing a large backpack at me with her magic. I could feel a good amount of weight in it already as I put it on my back. “Alright, Jerry. Your going with Dumbass and me. I’m guessing the Boss told you what your doing, right?”

“Helping you out and bringing in a lot of stuff.” I surmised as I faked a smile.

“Good to know that your little ears can hear all that.” She muttered as she opened the door. “And don’t forget to put on your weapon. I might be helping you stay safe, but I want you to at least shoot at something if it tries to eat you.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I muttered back as I slipped the belt around me and buckled it. I wasn’t surprised that it was a bit tight around the waist. As it clipped on, I followed Sunday as DA followed close behind me.

“Any ideas what we’re going to get?” I asked as we walked down the main street.

“Old World Tech. Stuff the Brotherhood of Steel and Enclave love to find.” Sunday said as we continued forward. “And before you ask, I don’t know what, exactly, it is. Just that it’s good enough to peak the Bosses interest.”

I nodded along, again pretending that I understood. The fact that she had to say that it was important to Flure meant that it was hard to impress her. Well, that is both good and bad news. It means that if I stay on her good side, I’m doing something right, and if not, then I could either find myself with a bullet in the head or left to fend for myself. Neither of those suit me at the moment.

I kept my hands on the straps of the backpack as I kept my eyes open for… well… anything that was moving, really. Considering the landscape was various shades of grey, brown and more brown, it was kind of hard to make out a rock from rubble or a mutant bear. The sky was still cloudy, but I could deffinatly make out sunlight coming down. The wind blowing about was warmish, but I could feel a slight chill. Can’t really explain it more than to repeat the ever popular meme “Winter is coming”.

I suppose I said that last part out loud, since I heard an exasperated sigh from Sunday. She didn’t say anything more as we started going up a ridge. I didn’t realize how far away we had made it from “home” till I looked back and could only make out the feint shape of the bell tower in the distance. I continued walking backwards, looking at the full area now.

Even with the post apocalyptic vibe, I could see the beauty in it. I made out a nearby farm house with what I could make out as trees. They, surprisingly, had a healthy look to them. Not like the burnt wooded trees that where now behind me. Their leaves where a brown and red color, but where sparce. I guessed that it meant life WAS returning to the land. I guessed that was good. Doesn’t mean that food is suddenly going to be abundant, but it’s a good start.

“So, you guys actually have trees?” I said, pointing to the farm.

“Don’t bother with them. For what I can tell, the damn things are just for show.” Sunday said with a defeated tone to her voice.

“What do you mean? The trees are alive. Not like their going to walk up and kill you, right?”

I could feel my sleeve being tugged at. I looked back and saw DA with a worried look on his face, motioning with his hoof to lean over. “Look, it’s kind of a sore subject, Jerry. Just drop it before Sunday gets mad.”

I didn’t respond save for silence. I know that I don’t have tact, and I’m glad that at least with DA and Ragdoll around, I won’t step on anyone’s toes.. hooves… whatever. I just want to find out what is going on. I’ll just put the whole farm deal in my “ask again later” bin.

I finally looked towards our path, a nice gravel road, and I realized how different things really where.

Mountain ranges far off in the distance, with what was most likely Canterlot on top of one of the peaks. I couldn’t make out any sign of Ponyville, which is more than likely since I always pictured it being “accessible, yet out of the way”. You know, a good fifty to sixty miles away (if you have a car, I mean) or maybe half that distance if you lived in the late 1800’s. You’d have to plan out a whole day around going there, maybe even spend the night if it’s a long enough event, but if you truly wanted to, going home is more than an option.

Enough of my head cannons.

Closer to the foreground was a very disturbingly familiar site. A small town that looked like it was taken from 1950’s USA. Again, could have seen better days, but near the center of it was a factory. Large, tall smoke stacks rose into the air with no signs of life coming from them. The streets connected with black top concrete as roads, both concrete and gravel, sprang from the city. I looked at the area around the town, and I could make out figures walking about, circling the area.

“NightStallions.” Sunday hissed as she got on her stomach. DA followed her lead, and for some reason, it took me a solid five seconds after that to realize that it would be a good idea to follow in their hoof-steps. I looked forward , and my entire world was gray and purple. I slowly brought my face down to the ground as my face burned red. Thank you, God, for making sure her tail was down when I looked up.

I also thanked Him for not letting DA be in front of me. THAT thought bled the red from my face quickly. Would have lost my breakfast if I had any.

I slowly crawled blindly to Sunday’s side as I looked at her. “I’m guessing they’re raiders?”

“Yes. The Night Stallions are the male members of the Bad Dreams. You’ll have three Night Mares and ten Night Stallions in each group.” She kept her eyes on the figures down at the town. “The Stallions are tough sons of bitches. Tend to use Stealth Boys to get the jump on camps. They are always Pegasi or Earth Ponies. Mares are all unicorns and don’t need Stealth Boys. They pass invisibility spells from mother to daughter, as well as a leaching spell.”

“What if the mother has a unicorn colt?” I asked randomly. I mean, spells are nice to know about, but sometimes your interests are more on how people think.

“They kill ‘em.”

I wished I didn’t know how they thought now.

“Wh-what?” I tried to ask as I looked down at the stallions moving away. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Doesn’t have to make any sense to us. If you were a unicorn, the stallions would probably rape you and kill you, not necessarily in that order. Call it pent up aggression against their “betters”, or just them being assholes.”

“What do you think they would do to me?” I asked as I looked back to Sunday. I wished that I would just shut up with the questions. I should know that “Raiders” usually mean bad things, and bad things entail death and other nasty things. Why can’t I just let it be?

“Either Kill you or rape you. Not both. They’re “nice” that way. Considering you’re a human, the possibilities of you being killed outright does go down quite a bit.” Sunday said in an unnervingly non-chelate way. “Good thing for you that we aren’t going there.” She pointed to the left, to the side of the mountain where a gas station stood. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it. Considering I hadn’t seen a motorcycle, much less a car till I came over the hill, I was , frankly, pleasantly surprised.

Cars can have that effect on humans when they are in other universes.

Is it weird that I’m suddenly thinking about running over those Bad Dream raiders in a Semi Truck? I shook my head as Sunday and DA began to crawl towards the gas station. I was not used to crawling around like this, but I kept my mouth shut as the two ponies left me in their perverbial dust.

It was at that time I realized how ridiculous I looked at that moment. A large, olive green lump slowly making it’s way across the field? That would certainly get some sort of attention. Apparently, the thought crossed DA’s mind as he looked back at me.

“Stop moving, Jerry.” DA whispered as he and Sunday laid flat on the ground.

I froze in place and covered my face with one arm as my other hand reached down to my laser pistol. I had no idea what it was that DA saw, but I wanted to be ready for it.

“ … and the damn rock is fucking moving “ The voice was raspy, like a smokers.

I heard hoof steps get closer to me. A few seconds later, I heard a gasp.

“Luna damn it… it’s a human!”

“Wow, now that’s something you don’t see every day. Think it’s dead?”

I was holding my breath as soon as he said that.

“Yeah. Can’t smell it, but you can see the body bloating up.”

The smoker hummed a bit as I heard him walk around me. “I would have thought they’d smell a bit ripe when they die.”

“I know, right? Well, apparently, humans don’t smell bad when they rot.”

“Your shitting me!”

“Nope. Heard it from Mango. She said she’d seen a few humans in her time, and whenever they died, they never smelled bad when they rotted.” The hoof steps died down as it slowly disappeared into the background.

I slowly looked up and couldn’t see where DA and Sunday where at. My eyes went wide as I realized that I was reliving the same thing that happened yesterday. I was trapped laying on my stomach. If they came back to loot me… if they found out I was still alive…

Oh, God, I don’t want to think about that. I’d hope they would just kill me on the spot. I felt cold and scared as my eyes scanned the grassy hill in front of me. I still couldn’t see them.

I was alone again.

I don’t want to be alone here. Please, God, tell me I’m not alone.

Hoof steps started to come towards me from behind. My hand was shaking as my fingers wrapped around the trigger.

“See? Dead human. I didn’t want to get any of its pink rot on me, Ma’am. “

“Oh, shut up, you mud pony.” A feminine voice, vaguely feminine voice, creaked through the air as I felt something tug at my backpack.

I had to do something. God forgive me, I need to protect myself.

“Hold on…” The female’s voice cut off as she stopped tugging at the backpack. I couldn’t tell what was going on. I heard a click… two… no, three clicks. “Deathclaws in the area. We’re going back to town. Tell the others to fall back to the factory.” She whispered harshly as I heard her gallop at full speed away. The other two stopped for a moment, but did as they were told.

“Doubt they’ll eat any of the good stuff on it. We’ll just wait till tomorrow.” The smoker said as he and his compatriot ran with a frustrated laugh.

Seconds passed, and I was still shaking. I looked back up and saw DA and Sunday, both wearing gas masks as DA closed a jar filled with a redish-yellow liquid.

I slowly crawled over to them till I saw Sunday wave me up. I stood up as I felt something wet run down my cheek. I didn’t realize what it was till I heard Sunday clench her jaw, pulling out a handkerchief with her magic and hand it to me. “You… got some dirt on your cheek.” She said as I guessed what she was trying to do.

I quickly wiped my cheek and eyes, returning it to her as I cleared my throat.

I did not cry. It was just excessive courage dripping out of my eyes.

“Thanks, Sunday.”

“Don’t mention it…” she gritted the phrase through her teeth. She was angry, and I’m more than sure it wasn’t at me.

We made good time as we came to the gas station. Looking down the road to town, I saw several figures heading back to the factory. It was kind of amazing, watching all the little figures running about. The best way to describe it is like watching a colony of army ants running into their hole. I was tugged by DA to follow him and Sunday into the gas station as DA began piling up furniture at the front door.

“What are you doing?”

“Deathclaws are going to be in the area. Don’t want to be caught off guard if they manage to follow us here.” DA said as he moved an entire ten foot long shelf up to the door on his own.

“Wait, I thought you just used pee to make it seem like Deathclaws where coming.”

Sunday took a deep breath as she looked at me. “No… we opened up the attractant to do two things. First, get that bitch away from you. Second, to keep those Bad Dreams at bay. Unless we got the attention of an Alpha, those Bad Dreams can take care of any kind of Deathclaw that comes their way.”

I did not like the sound of that, mainly because I was certain that if I did try and shoot at them, I’d be dead. Very, unbelievably, ridiculously dead.

Before the panic swept over my eyes, I felt a tug on my backpack, and was sent walking backwards towards Sunday to the back of the convenience store. Without even noticing it, I grabbed hold of a box of Sugar Bombs and opened it up. I didn’t even notice what I grabbed at till I chewed on the stale, yet oddly filling cereal.

Suck it, Sunburn.

I turned around as I felt something pull itself out of the bag. It was a… well, I guess blackberry would be the easiest thing to associate it with. A retro blackberry. Sunday was holding it up to a poster of a human and pony dressed in combat armor, the human holding the equestrian flag. Propoganda posters from two hundred years back can really raise the cackles of people, I can tell ya that much.

I didn’t have the heart to look at the fine print of the poster, and was soon robbed of the chance as I saw the wall disappear to the floor. DA walked back to us, humming a familiar tune as Sunday led us through the metal staircase leading down. Following close behind, small lights flickered on as a generator in the distance hummed to life.

Metal walls, ceilings and stairs as far as the eye could see… which was just less than twenty feet at the moment. I took the last step down and was met with a very familiar sight.

“Vault tech… Vault 101.” I read on the gear shaped door. My jaw almost dropped as I walked towards the vault door, my hand slowly touching the cold metal. I turned to DA with a twinge of worry. “Don’t you need to have the code from the other side to open it?”

DA smiles as he pointed to the Retro Blackberry. “Not with the Skeleton Key. It finds a way to enter input remotely to the Vaults computer. Nice little beauty, if I say so myself.” He beamed as he looked at the little bundle of circuts, like it was a little baby.

It didn’t take long for me to realize why. “You invented it, didn’t you?”

The only answer I needed was DA’s cheese eating grin.

Sunday put in a series of commands, and cursed at herself. “Fuck… I hate these stupid games they make you play to hack the damn things.”

I leaned over and saw that she was on a familiar screen to discover the password to the vault. She had guessed wrong twice already, and only had one more guess to go, and no leads on what the word was.

“Just cancel out of it and retry. It’ll reset everything, but it’ll give you back the tries.”

Sunday glared up at me. “What the hell are you talking about?”

She didn’t have the chance to hear my explanation as I reached forward and pressed the back button. Before she could curse me out, I reentered the password reset command (Labeled on the control as the ever so wonderful “Password reset” button on the upper left hand corner) and was brought to the screen, waiting for the first guess. “Go for the words with “ing” suffix first. If it says three words or more right, you’ll be on the right track.”

“And if it’s wrong?” DA asked inquisitively.

“Then it means we can cross out anything with “ing” in the end. Win-win.” I smiled as me and DA looked over Bloody’s shoulder as she grumbled to herself. She did as she was told, and was given a clue.

“Alright… four letter word with –ing in the end…” I looked over the list. Kind of found it funny how a vault was so easy to get into.. till I heard two simultaneous buzzing sounds. “What did you press? What did you press?”

“I hit Ring… I think… and did it twice on accident.” Sunday said as her eyes went wide with frustration.

“Oh, dang it… we’ll have to restart! What if the next time, it’s more than five words?” DA said as his eyes went wide.

“No, it won’t. It never does something like-“I began to say till Sunday looked up at me.

“The last time I did it, there were three letter words.” She explained.

Shoot me in the toe… that’s the failsafe. Every time we restart it, the computer would make it harder, till you either had the original password or you got the right reset word that got, potentially, infinitely bigger. “Brilliant.” I said with a grin. We had to do it now. I looked at the words to choose from. King, and Ding. “I’m going to guess it.”

“Don’t!” They both almost yelled as I managed to pull the Skeleton Key from Sunday’s magical grasp. They didn’t dare jump at me as I looked at the screen. A fifty percent chance at locking up the system. A fifty percent chance of ruining this day. A fifty percent chance of being punched to paste by Sunday. I like those odds.

“Hail to the King, baby!” I pressed the button, and for a split second of tension, I heard the wonderful pop-ding of the right answer. The vault door began to creak as it was slowly pushed out. I handed the key back to a bewildered unicorn mare as I smiled at her.

She wanted to be angry. I could see it in her eyes. My grin, however, seemed to be very infectious today as she smiled back at me. “Alright. Congrats. You got the right word. Next time you take something from me, I’ll break a finger.”

My smile disappeared immediately as she took the key and stuffed it back into my backpack.

The room was now filled with stale, yet breathable air as we walked in. Lights flickered as I looked at the long abandoned vault. “Why aren’t there people… or ponies… here? I would have thought that there would be some life here.”

DA looked around the room as he made his way to the guard station. “According to the logs, at the end of the war, key areas with human populations where targeted with a very powerful spell. It caused mass confusion and increased violent action in their victims; as opposed to taint related attack spells. Most who were affected by it simply… killed off each other. Main reason why the town down there is still intact. This vault is unoccupied because the humans that were supposed to be here died, most likely at the hands of their neighbors, friends and/or family. “DA opened the locker and saw a pristine combat shotgun. He gave a whistle as he called me over. “Look at this beauty, Jerry. Drum fed, automatic shotgun. Can hold twenty four rounds of shotgun shells, and has two modes of fire; single shot and full auto. An automatic shotgun. Fucking shame it was never augmented for ponies.”

My mind was thrown from the story that was, frankly more depressing as and Edger Allen Poe stand-up routine, to admiring the work of the gun that rested in DA’s hooves. He handed it to me, and I looked it over. I popped the drum-like contraption off where the ammo fed into the death machine, and watched as a few shells popped out of the slot, smacking me in the face. The shells that flew out landed on the floor with barely any resistance till they were picked up by Sunday, who put them in her saddle bag.

“Stop fucking around, you two. Get ammo and weapons and stuff them in the bag.”

DA and I rolled our eyes as we did as we were told, finding more shotgun ammo as well as energy cells for laser weapons. However the most unexpected discovery was a skin magazine that put a smile on DA’s face that almost reached his ears. I, as a gentleman, only gave an approving nod as I saw the very beautiful young woman in nigh but a swimsuit. Apparently it was something that was done by famed photographer Photo Finish. The cover was tastefully done, paying close attention to the subjects curves, and the outfit enhancing her assets.

Well, DA enjoyed it for the same reasons, but put it in the more direct manner. “Look at them boobies…”

Dear Lord, I know I’m a heterosexual man. That means I know my weaknesses. I find the female form enticing and, quite simple, almost intoxicating. Lord, tell me why I have to share my gender and orientation with a guy, an intelligent fellow, by the way, that has such a limited vocabulary when it came to such beauty?

“Hold onto that for me, Jerry.” He stuffed the magazine into my backpack as we went to catch up with Sunday. As we stepped down, I got a chill up my spine. My hand reached down to my pistol as I pulled it out, aiming up at the ceiling.

“Guys… I don’t know why, but I feel like something’s off.”

Sunday kept her eyes fixed ahead of us. “Ever been in a Vault before?”

“No.” I answered.

“Ever been in an ambush?” She continued.

“No.” I answered again.

“Then don’t worry about feeling anything.” Sunday said in a condescending tone. She was about to step out to the hallway when she came to a sudden stop. Her gaze was focused around the corner, as though as if she was looking at something in the distance. She looked back at me, looking a bit more agitated. “Forget what I said before. There’s a turret on the ceiling at the end of the hallway. The other end leads to another security room, but I don’t know if we can all sneak past it at once. I’ll go first, clear out any traps there might be. Dumbass, see if you can hack the turret from here, or if we’ll have to find the computer controlling it. Jerry, you’ll follow me as soon as I give you the signal. Understood?”

I nodded without a word as she peeked around the corner, then raced down the left side of the opening. I heard something like the whirring of a machine, but no shots fired. She must have gotten out of range of the turret. I looked at DA, who was busily at work with the Skeleton Key, but was cussing under his breath as he lifted it up to the air. “Damn it… no signal. Should have guessed that this would happen in a vault.”

I bit my lip as I sneaked past him, and looked down the hallway to see the turret. Essentially, it looked like a regular security camera with a gun bolted under it. Deffinatly didn’t look like the turrets from Fallout. Granted, I’ve only been to one Vault. For all I know, this could be an irregular model.

“Yo, Jerry! Make a break for it!” Sunday shouted at me.

I froze for a second as I looked down both sides of the hallway. Besides a few dust and grime filled parts of the wall, no signs of debris.

“I said now, Pink Boy!”

I almost jumped out onto the hallway, and stopped long enough to hear the whirling of the turret. I sprinted down the hallway as I heard a burst of gunfire. I quickly started to curve back and forth. “SERPINTINE!” I began to shout at the top of my lungs as I heard the bullets miss me by a bodylength. I felt the sparks from lead hitting metal till I saw the door to the security room open. I ran quickly to it and dived for it as I felt heat glance over my butt. I slid across the floor for a good few feet till I felt a hoof stop me by gently pressing down on my back. I looked up at Sunday, who wore a grin on her face.

“Quite the battle cry you got there.”

“I think I got shot in the butt.” I said in a rather matter of fact way.

She looked over me and shook her head. “Nah. Barely a graze.” She looked at the wall near the door where a first aid box opened up. Out came a large pad-like bandage that she coated with, what I guessed was peroxide or rubbing alcohol. Well, she’s putting it on my butt, so I’ll find out if it’s alcohol if it…

“STINGS LIKE A MOTHERFLUFFER!” I screamed… no, shrieked, as the bandage was put on.

“What the hell happened?” DA’s voice carried over the dieing whirring of the turret.

“Jerry got a kiss from a bullet. Right on the ass.”

Loud, rauchous laughter rang through the hallway as I looked up at Sunday with a smirk on my face. “Don’t tell Sunburn about this. Please.”

“The fact you dodged a hail of bullets? Why WOULDN’T I tell him that?” She said as I was helped to my feet. I looked back and saw a rather large hole in my pants, with the bandage covering most of the hole. “Now, the pants we’ll change. There is probably a few pairs in the private quarters. The worse case scenario is that we have to put a patch on the pants.”

“As long as there is a thread and needle, there won’t be any problems with that.” I added as I looked at the gaurds station. There was a desk in the corner looking out the window looking at the staircase kind of surprised me that I didn’t notice it before. I waved at DA who was still recovering from the laughing fit he had. “Hey, DA! Can you see me?”

He looked at my direction, but looked rather confused. “What are you talking about?”

I flipped him off out of curiosity, but aside from getting a hoof to the bandaged buttock from Sunday, I didn’t receive any kind of stimulous that anyone saw it. “Ow…” I recovered quickly as I called out to him. “You don’t see any windows ahead of you?”

He shook his head as he looked ahead of him. “Wow… camo enchanted glass. These things are like two way mirrors with attitude. Probablly reinforced so it won’t shatter.” His eyes where filled with awe for a full ten seconds till I saw a figure behind him.

“DA! RUN!” The words rang out of my mouth with barely a moments hesitation.

DA didn’t bother looking behind him, and simply bolted down the hallway. The figure finally made it’s way to the light as I saw what it was. A creature a good five feet tall with long claws at the end of it’s arms. It’s head, looking like a demonic skull covered with green, scally skin was adorned with small horns. As DA entered the room, it looked like it crawled around the corner as I saw bullets enter the side of the creatures body. It roared as it turned it’s attention to the turret, barreling towards it, only to reel back with half it’s head missing.

DA closed the door behind him as a second Deathclaw ran out, larger than the last, and went to the turret. A sudden crack and sizzle could be heard as I imagined the hellish creature ripping the security turret from the wall and ripping it to shreds. It limped back to the stairway, it’s torso riddled with bullet wounds as it’s claw gripped at the wound. It stopped for a moment, looking at the younger creature, and let out a sad cry as it petted what I guessed was a younger sibling before it ripped a claw off it’s kin’s arm and began to make it’s way up the stairs.

“Their pack hunters.” I muttered under my breath as I watched it leave. “I always wondered if they where social animals or loners. I mean, in the games, they were barely seen in pairs. I only saw a single pack in one game, but the way that it acted seemed a lot more like it was…” I blinked back into the here and now as DA and Sunday looked at me. “What?”

“You know what they were, don’t you?” DA asked.

I nodded. “Deathclaws. Juveniles, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yeah… but how do you know that?” He asked. He looked completely lost as I looked at him.

“I… well, I told Ragdoll about the Video Games. Sort of thought you where told about it, too.”

Sunday’s blank stare turned to a worry filled glare as she looked behind me. “So, you know them from those games of yours?”

I nodded as I looked over the room. The unnatural howl rang through the vault, slowly ebbing away. I couldn’t help but uncomfortably sway as I fought back my sympathy. “Kind of sad… don’t you think?” I managed to say it with a chuckle as I heard the two ponies agree with a simple “yes”.

I saw the computer once more and decided to look over it. No need for a password, as I saw the words “Turret offline” written across the top of it. I looked through the desk and found a small bundle of caps as well as a few other bits. Not the money Bits, I mean pieces of junk and the like.

Wait, there was a few Bits in there. Nevermind.

In the pocket the Bits went as I saw DA and Sunday turn to the door leading to another room. I followed them as I heard them talking with each other.

“He’s doing pretty good for his first bit of wet work, don’t you think?”

“Dumbass, I’m not talking about this right now.”

“Come on, Sunday. You’ve got to admit that-“

She turned to DA, almost on the cusp of hysterics. “I’ll admit something. The Boss tossed a kid. A KID. Into our little world. You didn’t see his eyes, Dumbass. I’ve only seen that kind of fear from foals. Celestia, Luna, and God damn her for what she had me do.”

“Don’t say that, Sunday. She gave him a week to get settled in. This is actually the easiest thing on the list for him to do.” DA rationalized. “What would happen if we did just use him for cleaning up the HQ, and then a month from now we had to fight off the Bad Dreams, or the Fiends, or Sisters Forbid, Enclave? He’d be deader than your electric cooler after Daisy has a go at it.”

“So we have him die now? That’s a comfort!”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” I interrupted as I stepped between the two ponies, only for them to push me back out of the way.

“Just stay right there while we get this straightened out.” Sunday ordered.

“Hold on, you flat breasted butch idiot!” DA added as it devolved into a series of insults and angry epitats. I huffed as I snuck around the two and looked at a map of the area. Three floors, and I could already tell where I was going to head to.

The next floor had the labs. I may not be a genius, but it was pretty obvious that whatever it was that we were sent here for was there. I need to do this. I need to see if I can do this little part on my own. Besides, it won’t be that hard, will it?

Guys?

Crap…

Author's Note

Hello, all! Decided to upload this chapter a bit earlier than I usually do. Want some feedback on how things are. Please, if you see any problems with grammer or even spelling, tell me. I do plan on editing this in the near future.
ALSO:
I have nice bonus for you guys. If I get a high enough view count, I'll give a bonus chapter for any questions you'd like to ask the characters of FoE: Fat Man. I'll give a list of available characters to "interview", and go from there. Of course, that would probably be a bit in the future, but still, something for you guys to look forward to.

Chapter Three: Bad Dreams comming soon.

The walls around me were dirty. That isn’t, exactly, news to me. I should have known that the Vault would be like this. Two hundred years without maid service tends to do that to a place.

Despite the grime and dirt, I looked at the hallway with a bit of awe. I had managed to find the stairway easily enough, but as I stood there, I suddenly felt very… I don’t really know, honestly. Afraid? I guess that could explain a bit about what I feel. I did just see Deathclaws running around. I closed the door behind me when I left DA and Sunday so they would be alright.

Why did I care, though?

They weren’t exactly friends to me. Good ponies, sure, even if Sunday could be a bit rough. But they aren’t friends. I started to walk down the stairs as I remembered my brothers.

Guess I didn’t tell you about them, did I? I should have talked about this at the beginning.

I’m the oldest of four brothers. Wasn’t the cushiest position in my life, I’ll tell you. My mother died when my brothers, triplets, by the by, where born. So, imagine an eight year old boy helping his dad raise three kids. It sucks a bit when I look back and realize that I had spent my entire teen years trying to be a second dad.

Yeah, my dad did a good job raising us… well, he’s doing the best for my brothers.

Kenny, the oldest, always does a good job keeping the others in check when he realizes that me and dad need them to settle down. I could see him taking over in my absence.

Ted would be a problem, as the youngest. Trouble that actually caused stitches and the use of the check book could be directed to him saying the words “Hey, guys! I got an idea!” Still a good kid, though.

Yuri is the one that will probably cause the biggest problems, though. He… he had troubles with authority. He would listen to me and Dad because we were always in charge. Kenny would have to earn his authority to him.

But it would only be for a while. I had to get back. Why didn’t I think about them yesterday? Why did it take so long to think about my family? I kept on thinking about my “magical” adventures in Pony Hell, when my dad and brothers where… where probably glad that I was out of their hair.

Another bout of confession from good ol’ Jerry, folks. I was a high school dropout. Now, before you say “Oh, well, taking care of your brothers takes a lot out of you.” save it. Once I turned 17, I went to work so I could get myself out of the house and make money. I made a mistake because I wanted a bit of freedom. Two years later, I managed to realize how stupid I was and I got my GED. Two years that I wasted, thinking that I was going to be free from responsibilities when I could have actually been getting a better education. I could have gotten a scholarship, gotten to a college, made myself into something better than a guy who has worked in retail stores and fast food joints.

I want to make sure my little brothers didn’t have that happen to them. I prayed that they learned from my mistakes. My dad would hammer it in, telling them that “Dropping out was like giving up on life.”

Was I a quitter to him?

I never asked him about that. I always thought that he was ashamed of that. Ashamed of me.

Huh. More liquid courage ran down my cheek.

“Guess I’m about to do something badass” I lied to myself.

I used my sleeve to wipe the wetness from my cheek as I reached the end of the stairs. I peeked around the corner, and saw to my left, two doors, and to my right, one room. No turrets, no alarms that I could make out. I stepped out and looked at the wall. It read:

<= Private Quarters and Office

Laboratory and Research =>

Alright, Jerry, think this through. I am in a Vault, looking for a big payoff. What should I expect here?

Abandoned Vault, Big Payoff… needs information. Can’t get information just in the Lab. Easiest thing to do is look at the Private Quarters. Even if no one was here, I needed to look and see if there were some pants that I could use to mend my bullet ventilated posterior. Plus, I knew better than to just assume that it would be easy to get to whatever Fleur wanted.

That’s another thing that bothered me. Fleur De Lis was, essentially, the only thing that connected me to this place. A familiar stranger that brought any sort of comfort I could actually suck out of this experience. I need to talk with her. Figure out more about what made things the way they were. Maybe she heard of ways for me to get home. I’ll find a way to get home. No quiting.

Maybe I shouldn’t quit on DA, Sunday and the others. They aren’t bad ponies, as I’ve said before. Just very rough. Maybe I was supposed to be their friend.

Except for Sunburn. He’s an asshole.

I followed the arrows till it leads me to another set of stairs going down. I looked down and saw the flickering lights. It made the whole experience like something from Friday the 13th, with Jason Voorhees waiting around any corner ready to kill any unsuspecting teenage couple that wanted to fool around.

So, I’d be safe.

Maybe I should go to the lab instead, I thought to myself as I turned only to hear the echoing growl of the Deathclaw.

Hello, scary, dimly lit third floor! Guess who’s going to be visiting?

I did my best to go down the stairs quietly and quickly. Once I got to the bottom of the stairs, I heard the clicking of several turrets moving. I looked back up at the staircase and saw a looming figure looking down at me. I didn’t realize which way the turret was, so I blindly chose to run down the right side, my arms up to cover my face from the inevitable hail of bullets that would make me into a (temporarily) living slice of swiss cheese.

I heard the turret fire, but didn’t feel the hot death. I looked back to see the Deathclaw, the same one from earlier, running down the opposite way to attack the turret. I turned around just in time to kiss the wall I was running at full force. I stumbled blindly for a few seconds, and stumbled into a room as the doors slid open. I hit one more thing before I finally went down, hearing doors slide shut and a mixture of howling and metal being bent and torn apart as everything went-

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Sunday glared at me as we continued to yell at each other.

I haven’t seen her this mad since yesterday when we were looking at that tip The Boss got two weeks back. She thought that she saw some mutant minotaur, and I had to be the sensible one and get her on track.

You know what would be funny? If it turned out that the minotaur turned out to be Jerry. Man, that would be hilarious!

But then Sunday might have killed him before we got to know him. Probably a good thing I pulled her away to do our job. He’s got to know a thing or two about human ladies. Maybe I could learn to be a master pick up artist. Oh, so much to –

Two thwacks woke me from my glazed look as I saw a rolled up newspaper above my head, ready for another smack. “What did I do? What did I do?”

“Jerry left us!”

Oh, Shit!

I looked around the rooms, and it was confirmed. He’d just… vanished!

“I thought that we took the Stealth Boy away from him!” I thought aloud as I poked around, hoping to find him.

“No, Dumbass! He just snuck out when you started arguing with me!” Her shouting was not helping me. At all.

“You where the one who… fuck, never mind about that! We’ve got to find him, or the Boss’ll kill us!” I looked at the computer and began to maneuver my Skeleton Key over the keyboard. Metal or not, my stuff works when it’s at point blank range. It’s sort of like a shotgun, except with information.

A few seconds later, and I managed to bring down a monitor. I began to scry through the cameras, one being offline (Probably the turret) till I found him near the stairway going down to the lab.

“He’s not leaving the Vault?” Sunday was surprised as she looked at the big guy make his way down the stairs. “I don’t get it.”

I looked at the video of him walking down the stairs, his gaze looking like he’s looking beyond the walls around him. It was… weird.

It was even stranger when we both saw him rubbing his eyes. I looked back to Sunday, and she looked angry. Like, real angry. She is normally alright with the Boss. Able to do anything for her. But here she is, acting like he was her…

Wait a second…

“Sunday, are you thinking about Wick again?”

Wick was one of those subjects that you have to be real careful about. If you don’t say the right things in the right tone, then things just go to shit real quickly.

Case in point, Sunday punched me square in the jaw, sending me reeling back!

“Fuuuck!” I rubbed my jaw as I looked back at her. “Sunday… the Fuck!”

She looked at me, angry at first, till she looked down at her hoof, and shook her head. I’m used to being smacked and shoved by Sunday. She’s like one of the guys, making it easy to hang out with her. But when she straight up punches you, you know something’s wrong with her.

Granted, I was talking about her late-

“I’m sorry, Dumbass… I don’t know what happened.”

Okay, this was serious. She’s apologizing now. She never apologizes. Normally, she just hits me, and that’s it. Nothing else. I walked over to her and gave her a shove and a smile to bring her back.

“Hey, no need, Fearless Leader. Now, let’s go get Jerry before he gets turned to living swiss cheese…”

She smiled at me. An honest smile. If she was a human with a nice rack, I’d have problems trying to keep my hooves off her. It was kind of sad when the smile melted away as she looked behind me. I looked back and saw it. The fucking Deathclaw from earlier had returned, and was running past us, smelling something.

If Jerry didn’t close the door behind him when he left, it would have probably killed us. I looked at Sunday, as she snapped back to reality, taking out her shotgun, loading in her explosive rounds. I followed suit, replacing my usual ammo with my “shredder” ammo. It does a good job taking care of the nasty wasteland bastards not in combat armor.

My assault rifle is so nice. I modded this bad boy myself, with extended mags, special rifling for reduced recoil, even a nice flame decal for effect. The only thing that would make it more awesome would be if I could find a grenade launcher for it.

Or a beer tab, but that would be silly. That’s more of a missile launcher mod.

The door opened and we stepped out as I heard more footsteps from the staircase. I turned just in time to see the heads of two small deathclaws turn their sights on us.

Bloody Sunday stepped in front of me and waited for the first baby deathclaw to charge at her at full speed, only for its chest to be filled with a helping of blown to Tartarus stew, sending it flying. The second Deathclaw managed to get past its litter mate. Sunday’s shot went wide as the little bastard smacked the glowing death stick up at the ceiling, but before it could latch onto her neck, it’s mouth was blown apart by my little baby assault rifle.

It reeled back, wanting to scream, but Sunday raised her forelegs up and mercifully killed the little blighter before it could do anything else.

We didn’t waste time congratulating ourselves. No point in it. We ran to catch up with the real threat. Sunday was galloping on all fours as I stood up on my rear hooves, walking behind her.

I’m alright with firing with my mouth, much like anypony, but I find that I get better results when I am on my rear hooves. Kind of weird, I know, shooting Griffon style, but hot damn, it works like a charm.

I kept my eyes on our flank as I followed Sunday down the hallways. We heard the roar from the Deathclaw as we reached the stairs leading down to the private rooms in the vault. I peeked down the stairs, and saw the hulking son of a bitch’s back as it walked down.

I made eye contact with Sunday, who was already making her way down the stairs. We quietly stepped down. We both knew that a wounded Deathclaw could be twice as dangerous as one who just jumps into a fight. The only chance we had was to surprise it. We made it to the end of the staircase, and Sunday looked over the side. The look on her face scared me.

/////////////////////////////////////

I didn’t know how long I was out. Probably a few minutes, maybe an hour, but I know that when you wake up to the smell of hot, rotting meat in your face, that at some point during the day, you made a poor decision. Even before I opened my eyes, my hand was on my laser pistol. I pulled it out as I slowly opened my eyes.

Inches in front of my face were the slitted, reptilian eyes of a Deathclaw. You’d think that they didn’t have pupils. That’s because of how closed the slits in the eyes are.

It’s breathing was ragged, and blood was dripping from its nose and mouth, but it still managed to let out a growl. I was frozen in place as I saw it’s mouth open, its sharp teeth and fangs getting ready to surround my neck. It was slow.

I don’t think it was adrenalin, or magic. I think it was dying.

The fear melted away from me as I brought a hand up and petted the creature on the face. It stopped its slow motion attack, and it looked… confused. To be honest, I was just as confused.

The embers of anger and primal instincts just petered out as its legs gave out; it’s head now on my lap.

It was whimpering as I continued to pet its head, trying to comfort it.

I always found the idea of a Deathclaw pet an impossible dream. They were apex predators, creatures with no equal and no fear, the perfect symbol of the Wastelands. When I thought of Fallout, Deathclaws would be the first thing to pop into my head.

Now, I was petting a slowly dying one in my lap. My voice was low as I tried to soothe it as its eyes closed. Its body struggled to keep on living, it’s chest rising a few more defiant times, till it finally…

How can you describe what just happened? The thing was going to kill me if it wasn’t already at deaths door. It wanted to kill me. But then… I didn’t want it to die like this. Fighting Enclave, tearing apart giant radscorpions, but… two turrets and a fat guy? That’s how stupid raiders or radroaches die. I wanted to laugh at that, but I didn’t deserve to be in the same room as this creature.

I heard hoof steps walking over towards my location. I barely could move my neck up as I saw Sunday’s forelegs.

“It died…” was all I could say, still petting the Deathclaws head.

“I know.” Her voice was the warmest it had ever been. She stood there for a moment. I looked up at her, trying to force a smile on my face. My hand gave a final pat on the head of the beast before it slid down to my side.

“It… it’s a lot heavier than I thought it would be.” I tried to move my legs out from under the massive creatures chest. Sunday’s magic pulled the creature up, allowing me to slide out from under it. She rested the large creature’s body down and carefully stepped over it as I stood up.

My pant legs where the only part of my body covered in blood. Sunday took out her rag again and, after spitting on it, began to wipe my face. I let her as I looked at the creature. I felt like the numbness I had moments ago was slowly easing away. I thought about what had just happened, and while a part of me was still sad, I was glad to still be alive.

Sunday stopped cleaning my face, and I turned to her. She had the strangest look in her eyes. It took me a while before I realized what it was.

I gave that same kind of look to my brothers when they did something that scared me half to death. I wasn’t surprised when she brought a hoof back and gave my shoulder a series of hard hits. Nothing serious. She was a lot stronger than me, and could do damage if she wanted, but she hit me hard enough to get the point across. I winched as I held onto the hit arm, groaning as I looked back at her as she, visibly, forced herself not to hug me.

“Don’t you EVER do that again, understood?”

I nodded, absentmindedly as I turned to DA, who looked over the body of the Deathclaw, then at me.

DA waved Sunday over, very worried. I brought my attention back to the room itself as they talked out in the hallway. I didn’t pay much attention to what they were saying, as I focused on the room itself. It was a small bedroom, but it was lived in, even if it was for only a little bit. I went to the dresser and started looking through the drawers. Pants and coveralls with the vaults number stitched onto the back filled it, mostly, but I did notice a few jeans and shirts in it. I eagerly pulled them out and looked them over.

I needed to focus on patching the hole on my pants. I had to keep my mind busy till I can get some time to myself.

As I riffled through the drawer, my finger felt a sharp prick hit it. I recoiled as I saw a droplet of blood appear at the end of my finger. A small hiss, but nothing else escaped my lips as I, carefully, looked into where my hand was. I pulled out a thimble and needle, with a spool of thread nearby. After a few seconds, I took my pants off and tore a piece of fabric off the pants and went to work.

It didn’t take long to sew the hole closed, and used the patch to keep it together. I looked over my work, and made a note to get some scissors to cut off the frayed edges of the patch.

I didn’t notice till I was done that DA was looking at my handy work.

“Wow… that’s pretty nifty.” He said as he watched me put my pants back on. “How did you learn to do that?”

“Mom taught me, and I learned to perfect it because of my brothers.” I said automatically. He looked up at me, his brow furrowed. “She died when I was young, and I had to help take care of them.”

His ears rested on the side of his head for an instant. “Sorry to hear that.” He said. He didn’t dwell on it for long as he turned to a now relaxed and serious looking Sunday.

After putting my pants back on, I went to the desk near the drawer and began to rummage through it. I found a few holotapes and notes, as well as a bit of caps.

DA picked up the caps quickly, but I looked over one of the notes.

“Dear Doctor Saddler,

As of this writing, I have come to the not so subtle idea that our project is currently being watched by undesirable eyes. The Princesses have done their best to quash such things, but our research always seems to be one step away from being revealed. I am sorry, but I must act as a diversion, so that our shared enemies can be stopped.

I hope that your research with the subjects are fruitful. I wish that I could be there when you finished.

May the Sun always shine on your back.

Sincerely,

With the greatest love,

Lavender Steel”

I turned the note to the back and saw three separate words on it. “Manticore, Hydra, and Centaur.”

I put the notes into my pocket and the holotapes into my backpack. I looked at Sunday and DA with a smile as I walked towards them. “Good thing this was all worth it. Would suck if there was just a bunch of coveralls and shoes in the…” I looked back at the closet, and realized something. It was wooden inlay, and actually built INTO the metal wall.

Something didn’t feel right.

“Hey… you two take a look at the lab on your way down?”

I didn’t know it was in DA, but he glared at me with the SAME exact intensity as Sunday did. Very impressive.

“Yeah… stupid question…” I slowly went back to the closet, pulling out the laser pistol as I began to pull the cloths out of the offending closet. As the last coverall was thrown to the floor I saw the two ponies realized what I was after and got their weapons ready. I rubbed my hands over the wood, and felt dust slide off the outline of what I would assume was a control panel. A quick press and the wood panel slid to the side, revealing a key pad and mini-monitor.

“Oh… now this is interesting…” I looked over the numbers as I thought. “I wonder what the code is.”

It didn’t take long for Sunday to speak up. “Nine, five, seven.”

DA and I looked over at her, confused.

“That is the number of letters in each of the words; Manticore is nine letters, Hydra is five, and Centaur is seven.” She walked past me and entered the three numbers and entered it. Without even missing a beat, we all three heard a hiss as a screen appeared and a breadbox sized circular opening was revealed.

A human woman appeared on the screen, a woman not much older than me, wearing a white lab coat and brown hair that hadn’t seen a comb in weeks. She looked at the camera with a deffinate note of quiet desperation. She had been through something recently, and she didn’t like it at all.

“This is the… the final entry of Doctor Becky Saddler, Co-Lead supervisor of the projects Lazarus, Mariam and Mary. I can’t tell for the life of me what the date is… a few weeks, maybe even a few months after the attack. I have done what I could for Lazarus. The other two facilities for the other two thirds of the project have been cut off. I had hoped that we would have been able to keep into contact with them, but… as the only survivor in New Pittsburg, I can’t stay here in the vault. I don’t know how it’s like out there, except there is a lot less radioactivity than I expected to read. It’s safe to walk about, and I need to know what happened…” She was beginning to cry. “Lavander Steel left me after the third week. I need to find him. If you are hearing this, then I didn’t make it back to the Vault, which either means it became unsafe for me to return, or that I died. I hope that if you are a part of the project that you will continue our work, or at least attempt to do so. To continue, I ask that you put your left arm through the hole below the screen.”

I looked back at DA and Sunday, my focus more on Sunday. “So… what do I do, Chief?”

Sunday knew what I was asking. The Doctor said “Arm”. Not “arm or foreleg”. That meant that a human had to operate it.

And unless DA had stuffed a manikin arm into my backpack, I was the only one who had arms.

She looked at the screen, unhappy, but nodding. “Put your arm in.”

I took a deep breath and followed my orders. My hand slipped inside the cold opening. My fingers attempted to touch the sides, but aside from the lip, my hand didn’t feel anything else. My elbow touched the opeining, and that was when I fealt something freeze my hand into place.

“What the…?” There wasn’t any temperature change, no numbness, nothing besides me trying to pull my trapped hand from the hole. “Okay, I don’t like this. It’s like those Halloween games where they peel grapes, blindfold kids and tell them that it’s eyes.”

“Your people are sick.” DA said in a strange chuckle.

You know, I’d argue that, but I don’t have a good counter argument besides “Nuh uh”.

I suddenly felt it. Something clamped onto my wrist, and what felt like leather or latex started to stretch over my hand.

“Ooookay! That’s weird!” I was starting to feel scared. Very scared.

“Initiating Pip Boy integration.”

“Pip Boy?” I smiled weakly, till I looked at Sunday and DA’s face. “Oh, this is going to hurt, isn’t it?”

They nodded.

I now know how lava going through your blood stream feels like, by the way, since I felt what was like a bracelet of used hypodermic needles jabbing into me and a steady flow of heat flooding my blood vessels. My jaw was open wide, my eyes felt like they were escaping my eye sockets, and despite the quickening of my breathing, I couldn’t even scream. I felt every single pain receptor as my blood stream betrayed me, pushing the lava throughout my body.

Probably would not be the last time my body did something so blatantly turncoat.

Thankfully, as the pain reached my heart, it almost ceased and became comfortable warmth throughout my body, but the pain in my arm only intensified as I felt electrical charges going through my wrist. A cruel ding was heard as the pain reached its crescendo, and plummeted back down till I was only screaming slightly in pain; my breathing finally being a healthy rhythm, and a strange pulsing was all that remained of my wrist abuse.

Just realized how that last part sounded. Would make a joke, but in too much pain.

My arm was released and I flew backwards as I began to nurse my arm.

“FRICK frack.. fricking… jackass! Shifty little… frick!” I continued to let out a stream of nonsense words as I looked down at the object that now was wrapped around my wrist.

Pain could be nursed away. I know that pretty well. The next thing to happen to me shook me to the core.

Everything went black. I could hear and feel and I knew I was awake, but it was as though as if someone had turned off the lights.

In fact, that’s what I thought happened for the longest ten seconds of my life, till I started shaking.

“Sunday? DA? You still there?”

I felt a hoof on my shoulder and I grabbed hold of it. “We’re right here, Jerry, just hold on.” It was Sunday, and she wasn’t so much coddling me as making sure I stayed on the ground.

“What’s going on? What happened to my eyes? Why can’t I see?”

“Just wait a few more seconds. The nanites are just making a colony behind your optic nerve.” DA said as I felt my still aching arm away from my chest. “You need to calm down and let it happen.”

“Let it… LET IT HAPPEN!? I’M BLIND! I CAN’T SEE SHIT! Oh, God, I’m going to be blind for the rest of my- why do I taste purple?” Oh, purple is such a weird taste…. It’s like blue, but with a bit of a redish texture in it…

Then, after the strange cue of chromatic culinary confusion, my world flickered back to life, with a few… additions.

“… I have a HUD now…? Health, AP… current weapon-“ I looked down at the Pip Boy for the first time, and I realized something. It looked like someone strapped an iPhone to a glove and called it a day. I can’t say that I am disappointed, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being jipped. I mean, this is a Pip Boy… Vault Tech technology. The kind of stuff that is both beyond modern day science, but with the asthetics stuck in the 1950’s. As long as there isn’t an apple logo on it, though, it shouldn’t be that bad, though.

The screen turned on, and it was, in fact a touch screen deal, with a single button to “wake” up the device if it wen to “sleep”. Well, the home screen opened up to my state screen.

“Name: Jerry Stine Karma Level: Good

Level: 3 Available Perks: 4

Special Stats: Strength: 7 Perception: 4 Endurance: 5 Charisma: 6 Intelligence: 8 Agility: 3 Luck: 10 “

As I finished reading it all, I couldn’t help but nod. It all seemed like me. Not fast, but lucky. Strong, but everything else seemed to be “meh”. The intelligence was kind of news to me. I never thought of myself as smart. I guess being a “media sponge” has it’s advantages.

Then the screen flashed to a new screen. “Upload Program Protocolls.”

I looked up at DA and Sunday, who had since backed away from me as I regained my sight. “H-hey, guys… um… we’re going to have to get to the lab, I think.”

“Ah, yes… after we look at the other rooms. You know, just in case.” DA had a bit of hesitation in his voice as he took a step towards me, helping me back to my feet. “Are you feeling alright? Any pain?”

I looked back at my hand as the last of the pain left my wrist. “Not anymore… why?” I looked up at the mirror over the dresser. A small thing, could easily fit in one hand. It wasn’t anything special that I noticed, till I saw my left eye.

Okay, I don’t know crap about biology. Don’t even know how this happened, but my left eye was slitted. Like a cat’s eye. I should have noticed it. I didn’t. I covered the eye, and noticed that I couldn’t see the hud any longer. I covered my normal eye, and the same thing. How, why, other question verbs where lost to me as I looked at my now miss matched eyes.

“Oooooh… okay…” I took a deep breath. “I’ve been here for… what, 14 hours? 18 hours tops? I’ve been shot at, slashed, almost molested and bled several times, and that’s from the GOOD guys. I have almost been killed by Death Claws, almost raped by raiders, and I am still hungry from those stupid Sugar Bombs. I could take that with a grain of salt. THIS!” I held up my left arm. “THIS stupid thing is rewriting God knows what in my DNA! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ME!?”

“Hey, he thinks we’re the good guys, Sunday!” DA smiled as he looked at Sunday, then back at me. Sunday gave him a smack to the side of the head. “Shutting up.”

“Jerry… I don’t know everything, just that that isn’t the same kind of Pip boy made a long time ago… even then, though, the pip boys and pip bucks where not without side effects. Some made the wearer freeze as they looked through it.” Sunday began to explain as she walked towards me. “The Boss knows why it’s important. We’ll find out, and go from there.”

I managed to catch my breath. The fear of what could happen to me because of the Pip Boy was overshadowed by other fears. What was Flure trying to get from this? From me? How should I play my hand… so to speak? And can I trust Sunday and DA?

Well, DA is way too imperceptive to try anything underhanded. He probably has a very horrible poker face. Sunday… I can’t put my finger on it, but I can’t help but feel like she wants something from me on an emotional level. If I had to run from Flure, she might run after me, but she wouldn’t kill me. At least that’s what I feel.

If I had to trust someone… somepony… these two would be the best bet.

They saved me, threats from Flure be damned. I owe them.

I nodded. It didn’t take long for us to clean out the rest of the personal area. Got another two hundred caps, and found a good haul of Stim-packs and health potions. We also found more notes about this Lavender Steel and the good Doctor. It was an… interesting tale as we read it. Doctor Sadler operated in the Vault for her research. Apparently, while other stables and Vaults (both where, more or less the same, only the population ratios changing, with vaults having either entirely or mostly humans, and stables having the same with pony’s.) had the regular kind of sick and twisted tests being done, 101 and the two others were to be neutral ground, used for a special triumvirate of projects for a special reason. No word on what it was, but it was certainly something I needed to look into.

We began to make our way up the stairs. I took a final look at the body of the Death Claw, and gave it a slight bow. It’s the only thing I can do, really, to show any kind of respect. We continued up the stairs as I continued to look at my wrist.

“Damn it… it’s like I got an itch I can’t scratch all of a sudden…” I started to rub around the straps around my wrist in the vain hope of getting the damnable itch somehow. Sunday walked by my right side and gave me a solid punch to the shoulder. “GAH! THE HELL!?”

“Thinking about the itch?” she gave me a friendly grin as I rubbed my shoulder.

“… you know, if I didn’t know that you could buck me through these steel walls, I’d slug you.”

A handful of seconds passed, till my somber, angry face melted with a chuckle, as Sunday and DA joined in.

I didn’t even realize that we were already at the door to the labs till they slowly slid open. It was… weird. The three of us looked at each other, and I could tell what they were thinking.

“Why isn’t there a terminal to get in here?”

I took a step inside and was surprised at how clean and NEW the lab looked. I mean, it’s the kind of clean that Mark Summers would find obsessive compulsive.

… Who’s Mark Summers?

He was the host of Double Dare, that game show on Nickelodeon in the 90’s. You know, where families would throw gack and pies at each other? Anyone?

Damn, I feel old.

Anyways, back to two hundred year old clean room with toys and stuff.

As I walked through the lab, I noticed the computers around the room. The huge, gym-locker like contraptions hummed as I examined the room in it’s entirety. In the back of the room, I noticed three screens and a familiar breadbox sized hole. The tables around both walls leading to the back where filled with computers that where… not from the fifties.

I mean, if you know anything about Fallout, you can pretty much already tell what there is to expect from the typical screen. A single green/blue/ugly ass orange screen with similarly colored in the same manner, and nothing else. No graphics, just text.

The computers here? Nuh uh. Full on 64 bit screens, HD level details. One was in the middle of an intricate diagnostic of an earth pony. I walked closer to the computer and noticed that it was DA, standing on his hind legs firing an assault rifle. It wasn’t video. It was a full on computer generated model. I turned to DA and waved him over.

“Man, you’ve got to see this!”

DA walked over and looked at the computer. The look on his face? Oh, I wish I had a camer-

A sudden click came from my pip boy, making me turn my attention to it for a split second to see DA’s surprised mug on my screen, like a gremlin was living in my eyeballs, took out a polaroid camera, and took a picture. “Whoa…”

“Whoa!? Did you read this shit? It’s saying I’m not perceptive!” he said as his rifle swung around, almost hitting me in the leg.

I looked at the screen and saw, of all things, his own status screen.

“Dumbass Level: 6 Available perks: 2 SPECIAL stats: Strength: 5 Perception: 3 Endurance 4 Charisma: 6 Intelligence: 10 Agility: 8 Luck 6”

“Holy crap…” I whispered as I looked at the screen. “How did it get that information?”

“Diagnostics where done during fight between your forces and the Death Claws.” A slightly feminine voice said around us.

“FUCK!” DA shouted as he stumbled to get his gun up, only for it to drop to the ground.

“Damn it, Dumbass! It’s just the damn computer!” Sunday almost shouted as she walked over to us.

“Correct. This is the OS for the Lazarus Project Facility. All inquiries are welcome from Subject one and comrades.”

I felt the eyes of DA and Sunday on me as I looked up at the ceiling. “Let me guess… I’m Subject One?”

“Affirmative.”

“Okay… a good warm up question. What is Project Lazurus?” Sunday asked as she stood next to DA.

“Project Lazarus is part of the Trinity Accord. Further information is only disclosed to those who are a part of the Trinity Accord. Subject One must find Project Martha and Project Mary for more answers.”

We all stood there for a while, trying to think of what to say next. I, regretfully, decided to speak up.“Uh… over ride that, explain Trinity Accord’s mission… uh… Mission statement?”

“Mission Statement is the continued survival of Homo Sapiens, Equine Sapiens, and other sapient creatures of Eqqus. All on motive and protective measures are in the Projects files themselves.” The machine’s main screen flickered to life as a familiar lavender alicorn looked down. The audio changed to a more grainy quality as I looked at the smiling face.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle, element bearer of Magic…” DA’s voice cracked as he looked at the main screen.

“Uhmmm… he-hello… I was assured that this recording would be for the use of our friends in New-Vaultek, if things are going… well… when the project proper starts working. I want to welcome you to the Trinity Accord! It isn’t anything too out of the ordinary for the voluenteer, just a new kind of pip buck… or pip boy, depending on the, uh… the species… Jamie, are you sure I have to be so… I don’t know… formal about this?” She giggled as she looked past the camera to someone behind it.

“Your Highness, it’s supposed to be for whomever is to be Subject 1. I know it isn’t something as wonderful as your other studies, but-“ A very masculine voice replied, and despite the words, it had an almost teasing tone to it.

“I know… “ Twilight took a deep breath and looked back into the camera. “If you are hearing this, then things have gone… gone badly for our country, and most likely, Luna and Celestia… as well as myself and Cadance have been either incapacitated, exiled or…” I knew the word she wanted to say, but it, Ironically, died in her throat. Her giggling self-sobered up as her eyes focused even more so on the camera. “Project Lazarus is the beginning of a long standing need to evaluate and reestablish the free ponies and people of Equestria. The best way to begin is for you, Subject 1, to pick out your OS… Operating System… for your Pip Boy… or Pip Buck. The choices for you are between D15C0RD, a prototype for manipulating ambient magical energies around the wearer for preferable outcomes, and the 50M8RA, used for tactical advantage, making shots taken on VATS much more effective. Once the decision has been made, there is no going back.” Twilight fought to bring a smile back to her face. “I doubt that I’ll ever meet you if you are needed, but if I do… I hope we can be friends.”

I forgot. I was two hundred years from ever meeting and speaking with the mane six. I read a Fan Fic about something like this. The main character was a Marine, I think, and he was caught in an explosion, sending him to, funnily enough, the Equestrian Wasteland. When it hit him that he’d never meet the Mane Six, it hurt him. I wondered about that when I first read it, but it was a passing fancy. I thought “Well, crap, sucks to be this guy. Now lets see him blow up some Raiders!”

Now… now I knew what he felt. It was painful. I felt it before. When Steve Irwin, Robin Williams and other celebrities I admired and respected died, it was like my world had just gotten smaller and darker. Cartoon characters shouldn’t have that effect on you, damn it. Even with Anime, if a fan favorite died, you gave a bit of a cry, but then picked up your hat and went on with your life. Here, it was like every time I tried to pick up my hat, someone would smack it out of my hand. I couldn’t ignore it. I could only accept it, leave the hat down, and walk on without it.

I sat down on a chair as I looked at the now still image of Twilight Sparkle, smiling at me.

“Their dead…” I tried to keep it to myself, but DA heard it.

“Wh-who?”

“Twilight… Fluttershy… Rainbow… hell, even Rarity. The Mane Six. The Elements of Harmony.” I looked up at the ceiling as I let out a depressed sigh. “The TV show I told Ragdoll about was about them. I get the opportunity of a lifetime, one that other fans of the show would more likely never get a chance to get, to come here, and I will never get to meet them.”

They didn’t say anything. I’m pretty sure DA wanted to know what I was talking about, but Sunday was looking at me with a mix of pity and something else. I sat back up, shaking my head back to attention as I looked at the screen. “You think the Boss knew her?”

Sunday smiled as she looked at the screen. “Just because she’s a unicorn from Canterlot, you think she knew her. Racist monkey.”

I smiled as she used the term on me. It was said with a strange kind of sarcasm I couldn’t help but enjoy. “Whatever, uni-cow.” I tried to match her sarcasm as I stood back up and walked over to the opening on the wall under the screen.

“Input verbal command for OS installation.” The all to familiar artificial voice rang through the room as I looked up at the screen, still adorned with the image of Twilight Sparkle’s smile.

Something about the names of the operating systems jumped out at me as I thought about them. Random acts of magic with one, and better fighting capabilities with the other. It’s like it was based off of… something… famil-

“Discord and Sombra… why did they name them that? It couldn’t possibly be on accident.” DA finally talked after the video finished. He looked at me with concern. “We don’t know Shit about what these programs do. Could you… I don’t know… copy the other OS on a holodisk? Maybe we could switch the CPU’s of the Pipboy between missions?”

I looked at the screen as I shook my head. “I doubt that Twilight would do something like that. For all I know, she could have had it where the other OS is deleted after the choice is made. There are too many questions right now, and we…” A loud howl echoed through the Vault, startling me and the others as gunfire could be heard. “-we don’t have time.” I pushed my pipboy in (My pipboy. Still sounds weird saying that) as I felt the all to horribly familiar clamp around my arm.

“Install OS D1SC0RD!” Why was that the first thing that came to mind? Well, everything else about my stay felt random and crazy, why not complete the package?

Sunday didn’t leave any time as she ran to the door, closing it quickly as DA took my backpack and threw it onto a desk, getting ammo ready as we heard the muffled howls and gunfire, most likely happening at the entrance to the Vault.

“Fucking Nightmare bitches probably got the area surrounded, hunting down all the damn death claws in the area to be on the safe side. We’ll need to fight our way past them if we want to get out without any problems.” Sunday said as she pushed a desk in front of the door. Considering that it slid open, I could only guess why she did it, save to make it that much harder for an intruder to walk in and start shooting us.

Us… heh, it feels kind of good saying that. I’m probably liking this a lot more than I should.

I rested my head against the wall as I started to pray. When I opened my eyes, I noticed a red dot behind me on the compass. I turned and watched as the moderately sized dot moved about.

“Shhh! Guys, don’t make a move! I see a dot…”

Sunday looked at me, confused for a few seconds, till she nodded. She looked at DA, holding her hoof to her mouth, shushing him as he, quietly now, reloaded his assault rifle. I managed to pull out my pistol as I closed my eyes, continueing with my prayer as I now saw a progress bar with the percentage of the installation completed over it.

34%

I hope that this thing isn’t like Windows 8.

Mental note: I, apparently, have a love/hate relationship with both Apple and Microsoft. Between being underwhelmed with the iPad: Wasteland edition and taking pot shots at Microsoft's many failures, I might need to find ways around being so mean spirited towards those two pillars of technology. I like iTunes. I have an Xbox. Can’t we all just get along?

31%

Damn you, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. If I make it through this, I’m buying a PS4 and building my own PC… with Lenix, whatever that is.

The dot moved away from us. I can’t tell how I knew that, considering that I was, for all intents and purposes, stuck against the wall. I ignored the progress bar. I’d drive myself crazy.

“How much longer?”

Damn it, DA. Don’t make me look at it.

I groaned as I looked at and gave the report as quietly as I could. “Fourty five percent?” Huh… better than I thought it would be. “Ten minutes, tops.”

Honestly, I didn’t have a damn clue how long it would take. I give them something like that, and hope that they’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Unless a dumb, gray coated earth stallion wearing a leather jacket opened the door.

Thirty seconds of the four of us looking at each other. Me looking at DA, who looked at me with an obvious look of dread. Me looking at Sunday, who looked back with freshly brewed anger coffee. Then me looking at the stupid, stupid pony boy who was looking completely out of it. He looked sort of like Keanu Reeves in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”.

I don’t care what they say, I like Keanu Reeves.

Kind of glad that I stopped associating the idiot stallion to him, because now not-Keanu had a three kinds of shots fired at him; buckshot (HA!), three rounds from an assault rifle, and a shot of laser fire. Don’t know how, the only one that hit him was my shot, and it hit him right in the ass.

“How did you miss him!? He was right in front of you!” DA shouted as he reloaded his rifle.

“I’m sorry, Dumbass! I had just reloaded when the damn asshole opened up the door! How come YOU didn’t notice him, Jerry?”

“I don’t know! Maybe he was sneaking around!” I looked at my pistol and realized I couldn’t reload it. “At least I hit him!”

“Congradu-fucking-lations! You shot a stallion in the ass!” DA and Sunday said in unison, with DA being sincere, or at least hiding his sarcasm a lot better than Sunday.

I couldn’t help but give a chuckle. Don’t know why. It’s not exactly hilarious. I hazard a look at the loading bar.

98%

“Well, hot cocoa! It’s at nin-“

.09%

“… I will find the programmer of this thing, alive or dead, and give them a swirly. I swear this.” I muttered under my breath as I brought my weapon up, keeping my eyes on the door.

“Hellooooo in there.” I didn’t like that voice. It was the mare from before, and I could just feel my skin start to crawl. “Come on ouuuut… we’ll let you go if you’re a good bunch and give us a few minuets of your time.”

“Noooo thank yoooou. We’re already members of the Church of Don’t give a Fuck.” Sunday retorted with a smile.

“Oh, don’t be like that! I just want to know if you saw a dead body. You sound like a good little filly. Probablly have your choice of the mares and stallions. If you play nicer, I could see you go on your way, maybe with all your teeth.”

“Don’t talk to Sunday like that, you bitch!”

Oh, damn it… that was from both me and DA. We looked at each other, noticing our faux pas as we heard a slight growl from behind the door.

“Keep your studs silent before they get you all killed.” Whispering could be heard as the growling turned into a cackling laugh. “Oh, my… on second thought… new deal… Sunday, was it? You and your significant stud can walk out of there. No worries. Just leave the pink skin behind.”

I never heard a room quieter in my life. It didn’t last long, though.

“No.” Sunday’s voice was dripping with anger.

“Now, hold on. Let me give you a taste at what you’ve got to worry about. Get the Launcher ready.”

Sunday’s eyes opened wide as she slowly walked away from the door as scampering could be heard.

“FIRE!”

A sudden shock went through the air as a deafening boom went through the air. I felt my body shake.

“Installation complete.”

Oh thank God.

“Beginning initializing”

Oh God damn it.

“I’ll let you stew on that for a bit, Miss Sunday, but there is a time limit! Ten minuets!”

DA looked at Sunday, both shaken up as they made their way towards me.

“Please tell me it’s almost done, Jerry.” DA said as he kept his eyes on the door.

“It’s… it’s almost done.” No progress bar was there to make me a liar, but I just felt like I was still fibbing.

“Jerry… tell me the truth… how far is it?” Sunday was leveling with me. She didn’t like the odds. She knew that the Nightmares would just kill her and DA. There was no way to get out in a normal way. The Pip boy was the best way to survive.

“It’s initializing. I don’t know how long it’s going to take.”

She cursed under her breath as she turned to the door, but then looked back at me. “Don’t worry, Jerry. I’m not going to let them touch you, got it?”

She meant it. She wasn’t going to let them hurt me. DA nudged me with his hoof, smiling at me.

“And we’re going to get out of here. We ain’t going to die here, man. You still got to tell me how human females boobs are like.” We both let out a chuckle at that. Anything to get our minds off of… them.

“Oh, YES! I’m finally out of there!” A very familiar voice rang through my ears as I finally realized the lack of anything in my field of vision, save for the hud.

I was about to freak out when I saw one hell of a pop up in the right hand corner of my vision, right above my health and action point bar. There was a floating head that I could easily confuse as a donkey, with a goats horn as well as antlers. “Don’t bother telling them what’s going on, big guy. It won’t do you any good. Seems like you’ve got a problem or two.”

The world looked… slower all of a sudden. I couldn’t move, but it wasn’t like I was paralyzed. I felt like I was in between moments. Maybe this is how those pause screens really worked. A spike of perception? Maybe just over-focusing on time.

“Exactly, fat boy.”

Oh, shit. He’s reading the text.

“You think that Pinkie Pie is the only one who can break the fourth wall? Pshaw.”

Oh… well… makes talking with you a bit less troublesome.

“Yes, but as a narrative device, it’s going to hurt how people view your point of view. That and your atrocious use of grammar. You’ve been confusing your poor readers… both the real ones and the imaginary ones.”

…

“Whoops! Almost broke your brain there, huh? Your stream of consciousness isn’t, exactly on private land, boy. You’ve got visitors. Granted, your spiritual inklings already had you being stalked by the “Big Guy”.”

Don’t talk about Him like that.

“Alright, alright. I can only do this every once in a while, anyways. Just wanted to say “Hello, Roomie!” and that your friends should look in the desks. You’ll find a very WONDERFULLY chaotic solution to your problem. Ciao.”

The head popped out of existence, leaving me shaking as time slowly returned to normal. I can’t think about what he said. Got to think about what is going on. Brain braking can wait.

My arm was now freed, regretfully, I was in mid pull when it happened, meaning that I was now launching myself backwards. I tumbled between DA and Sunday, managing to actually roll, head over heels. Kind of funny, but still hurt a bit. I managed to sit up without a problem as I looked at Sunday.

“Once the world stops spinning, we might have a way out of here.” I managed to say before my vision was crowded my pegisi and pegasuses.

////////////////////////////////////////////

Roughly 203 years before…

Doctor Saddler loved her drives around New Pittsburgh. Human cities made driving their motorized carts so much easier than the dirt roads of the country. Of course, her new Quicksilver was the newly minted magic/plutonium hybrid. Radiation use was reduced to the point where accidental exposure was far more manageable than it was on Old Earth’s vehicles. Her studies in the use of Old Earth computers had brought her fame, especially during her last excavation through the portal to discover alternative methods of storing data.

A young woman of twenty, and she had seen more of two worlds than many would see in one. She remembered the few times her personal guards had protected her during her travels from Old Earth raiders and Caesar’s Remnants. She also knew the cycle that brought the Old World ruin was starting to repeat itself in her home world.

She tried to push back such things as her Quicksilver climbed up the hill to a fuel station that she was well accustomed to. One she hoped that she would only have to stay in for a few weeks every couple of months.

She mentally shook that thought out of her head. She knew that her work could be used for more than just a “reset button” if things did go wrong. It was a way to understand how magic and technology could finally be used as more than just new ways to make a cart move from point A to point B. The Trinity Accord will hold it all in place, she thought as she parked her cart at the side of the building.

The station itself was a rather out of the way location, which made Doctor Saddler question the plans of the Institution. It would have been far better, far wiser to build the facility closer to the city. Hide the tree in the forest, not at its edge. At least, in her opinion.

She had been to the Vaults in the Old Earth wastelands, and noticed how they were placed throughout the land. Some being in urban areas in the heart of the capitol, and others built in the side of mountains and hillsides, covered up by gas stations or, in one case, a casino. Her favorites where the Vaults in Washington. Granted, it was from her first excavation, and being in the shadow of both the then student of Celestia, Twilight Sparkle and the esteemed neo-archeologist Vladimir Vorchoski was an honor. The only part of the trip she honestly found distressing was when they had inadvertently stumbled across a slave camp.

One has to be reminded of how the wasteland can be cruel to appreciate the home you have. The lack of Old Earth Ghouls in Equestria is just another footnote of that fact. The poor souls’ main food source, radiation, was nearly non-existent in the Doctor’s homeland, meaning that the only kind of safety that she could afford them was the outposts connecting the worlds together.

She parked her vehicle at the side of the gas station and walked in. The store front was manned by two gaurds, one blue earth mare acting as the shop keep behind the register, and a hybrid Pegasus/human man in a greaser outfit, trying to play the role of a harassing teen. The two looked at the Doctor, and not being in the presence of civilians, saluted her.

“Doctor, it is a pleasure to see you again.” The mare said with a smile.

“At ease, Private Winslow, Sargent Yellow Streak…” She returned the salute and smile, but then turned to the Earth Pony. “I still don’t see why you go by that name, Sargent.”

“Mental warfare, Doctor. The enemy thinks too much about the meaning behind a name, and gets confused. Then, Wham! Two hooves in the face and a shock baton to the gonads for good measure.” The Sargent said with a tad too much enthusiasm as she hit her hoof on the counter.

“Well, how about two beeps and the code for today, for good measure?”

“Today is an oldie, Doctor Saddler. Swordfish.” Sargent Yellow Streak rolled her eyes as she hit a button on the bottom of the desk as Doctor Saddler walked to the back room. Closing the door behind her, Doctor Saddler quickly dropped her bag and brought her hands up as another hybrid, this time a much taller gray earth pony variant in the coveralls of a mechanic, stood to her left, holding up a plasma pistol and a voice recognition device as two turrets sprung to life, aiming at the Doctor.

“Password.”

“Swordfish.”

The device gave a happy ding as the turrets dropped down. “Welcome to Vault 101, Doctor Saddler. It’s good seeing you again.”

“Same with you, Hector. Is the entire first division stationed here, or just you three?” Doctor Saddler asked as she bent over to get her case.

“The Commander would rather you find out on your… oh, damn.” Hector dropped his pistol holding hand down when he realized that he had given too much information.

Doctor Saddler gave a wink to Hector, making him blush red. “Thank you, Hector. You know you’re my favorite.”

“Keep reminding me that when I’m on latrine duty for the next month.”

Doctor Saddler stifled a chuckle as the false wall gave out, and she continued down the stairs. She heard the mutterings of several people and ponies as they gathered in front of the Vaults door. She could easily make out a good portion of the staff, but was easily amazed at the number of fresh faces. As she made it past the stairs, an old, welcomed face meets hers. She was a zebra mare from her University days, a fellow Doctor by the name of Zelda, who Doctor Sadler handpicked for this project, political hazards be damned.

“Zelda! I’m so glad you accepted!” She knelt down and hugged the zebra, who returned the hug.

“Saddie, you know it would take more than a few political blowhards to keep me from here.” She pulled back, her short cut mane waving ever so slightly as she looked over her friend. “Have you been with your… *Ahem*… special someone since your last little trip to the Wastelands?”

Doctor Saddler smirked as she gave her friend a mock smack. “Don’t encourage him. The Commander is so much of a romantic, it wouldn’t take much for him to try and go after me… or you… or the cash register at the shop.”

The two females giggled as they continued their talks of exploits, both academically, and worldly, till the vault door opened. The steps leading up to the platform was occupied by several guards, both wearing official Dawn Guard attire, as well as Brotherhood of Steel power armor and the equestrian equivalent. The large group waited as a unicorn in full battle armor stood at the top of the stairs looking down. His voice rang through the group with a mixture of boredom and duty.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mares and Gentlecolts, it is my pleasure to welcome you to your new living quarters for the next three months. I am the head of security, Commander Lavender Steel, but you may call me Commander, L.S., or for you select ladies, Sexy.” A slight bought of groans and laughter could be heard through the group. “Alright, I’m sure a good number of you are familiar with Vault and Stable protocol. No unauthorized weaponry, no non-prescription chems and drugs for recreational uses, yadda yadda yadda. My soldiers and I are here to keep you safe, and to maintain order, but we number only twenty. You lot are going to be, at the end of the day, swelled to the ranks of three hundred, many of you being civilians that thought that buying a bit of room in a Vault would be a swell idea. It might be, but this isn’t a three month vacation. We will be documenting the affects of long term enclosure in Vaults on native Equestrians, as well as making some improvements on the structure of this and other Vaults and Stables accordingly. It will be cramped, and the door will not (and I repeat, NOT) be opened unless there is a dire emergency that we can’t take care of. Considering that our staff will have some of the best medical practitioners from Her Majesties University of Health, I doubt that faking a heart attack will get you out of here once the code is put in.” More laughter comes from the group as the Commander steps aside. “With that said, I welcome you to Vault 101 proper! Living quarters are on the third floor, so put your bags and non-essencial items in your rooms before you reaquant yourself to your work areas.”

The large group slowly strode along as Zelda and Doctor Saddler re continued their conversation. As Doctor Saddler walks past the Commander, she notices a pink aura around his helmet as it is lifted off. Underneath was a very feminine whitish pink muzzle and sharp eyes staring right at her, only marred by a single scar on his cheek. His mane was cut short light pink with a white stripe down the center. The Commander’s eyebrow raises as he catched up to the Doctor.

“It’s been a while, Becky. It’s been, what, seven months since Vegas?”

“Eight.”

“Those NCR certainly didn’t know what to make of us, didn’t they?” The Commander smiled as he continued to steal glances at Doctor Saddlers figure.

“They thought I was a delusional amnesiac and you were a brain in a jar trapped in a robotic horse keeping me in my delusions of worlds filled with talking ponies, magic and dragons. It isn’t that difficult to figure it out.”

“Well, they did USED to think that way…”

“Till you slept with that platoon’s commanding officer.” Doctor Saddler responded with a rough, almost irritated groan.

The Commander stopped in his tracks, shocked at the tone momentarily, then made his way back to her side. “Look, Becky, I-“

“It’s Doctor Saddler, Commander Lavender Steel. We are on the clock, and till we have made headway in our research, I would appreciate if you would stop trying to hit on me and the rest of the female staff, at least till after the three months where up.”

“Duly noted, but I still have to speak with you about a current change in safety protocols.” The Commander managed to lead Doctor Saddler and Zelda away from the rest of the group and towards the laboratory. The door opened as the three entered the sterile laboratory. The Doctor took a deep breath at one of the few smells she enjoyed more than fresh air.

“Mmm… the scent of Progress…” She muttered to herself as her hand ran over the meticulously clean desks. There were very few individuals that matched Doctor Saddlers need for cleanliness in the workplace, and Princess Twilight's rumored Obsessive Compulsive Dissorder paled in comparison to Doctor Saddlers.

“And C-4…” The Commander managed to overhear the words uttered by Doctor Saddler, knocking the Doctor and her zebra friend to attention.

“What?” Zelda asked as she turned to Commander Lavender Steel as he took out a drawer and ever so carefully took out the contents and showed the two females the secret compartment for the insulated bags clearly marked “Plastic Explosives”.

“The Ministry of Defense came to the conclusion that the use of EMP traps on our own computers would be too risky. The idea that a slight discharge could accidentally set them off and ruin our chances of making true headway. One fatal slip, and blammo! Years of work gone in a flash.”

“SO THEY PUT EXPLOSIVES IN OUR DESKS!?” Doctor Saddler almost roared as she walked over to the floating drawer, taking it out of Commander Lavender Steel’s telekinetic grip. “What kind of IDIOT thought that was a good idea!?”

“Prince Blueblood.” Zelda said with a monotone groan. “It’s always Prince Fucking Blueblood.”

“You got that right, Zelda my dear.” Commander Lavender Steel said as he matched her tone. “At least he was smart enough to put it in magic and electrically resistant containers.”

“God Damn him! So, he wants us to blow ourselves up if we get invaded, or if our safety is compromised some other way? FUCKING BRILLIANT!” Doctor Saddler continued her ranting as she shook, wanting to throw the drawer against the floor as she stomped around the laboratory. “I’m going to talk with Princess Luna! NO! I’ll go right to Princess Celestia about this! This bullshit is inconceivable! Ridiculous! STUPID BEYOND BELIEF!”

“In other words, on par for Blueblood.” Both Zelda and the Commander said with a smirk.

“Absolutely!” Doctor Saddler panted as she finally sat down, catching her breath as the drawer laid on her lap.

“So, in the meantime, I should tell you that there is one similar brick in all of the desks, and each one is to be used on the terminals, in case of the unforeseen… and, yes, they do want someone to manually set off the detonation. No timer, no chance to get out. Just some poor fool being sent to Glory in a ball of flame.” The Commander sighed the explanation out of his lips as he looked back at Doctor Saddler. “I won’t let it come to that, and I also will make sure that they change it back to an EMP generator. I know you. You have hard-copies at the Canterlot Library and in Princess Twilight’s private quarters. If someone wanted the information, they would rather go for those than come here.”

Doctor Saddler looked at Commander Lavender Steel, looking exhausted. “Thank you, Commander… now can you please put the drawer back in the desk? I seem to have remembered that I have four pounds of highly dangerous plastic explosives in my lap.”

“As you wish, Doctor Saddler…” As Commander Lavender Steel put the drawer back in place, the three looked at one another, realizing what made things the way they were. The idea of death and destruction changing the face of Equestria till only one thing remained.

War.

And war never changes.

Author's Note

Alright! Here is the newest chapter! Hope you guys like it! When I get three hundred views, I'll get something special for you guys, and also, if you've got any comments, suggestions, complaints, leave them on the comments. I love praise, but I get a kick out of getting people to help me. Happy Reading, and looking forward to the three hundred views.

Chapter Four: Wrecked 'em? (or Here comes the Bad Dreams pt.1)

“Jesus tap dancing Christ!” DA said with a hushed gasp.

“DA! No taking the Lords name in vain.” I managed to hiss at DA, resisting the urge to smack him upside the head.

“Can’t help it! That’s almost twenty eight pounds of C-4!”

“We know, Dumbass. We can count.” Sunday said as she, along with the rest of us, looked at the pile of plastic explosives in aged plastic bags.

“So… much… boom!”

I couldn’t help but nod in agreement with DA on that one. Yeah, we’re stuck in a lab as a group of homicidal raiders is readying a missile launcher to tear down the door. But if you don’t make the time to admire the small things in life… or potentially bigger, louder and most awesome-er things… then who will?

“So… what can we do with it?” I asked as I looked at Sunday.

She simply shrugged as she turned to DA. “You got any idea’s, Dumbass?”

He looked deep in thought as a small smile came to his face. “Oh, yeah… I got an idea or two.”

“Either one of them doesn’t involve us getting buried in here?” Sunday, smartly I might add, asked as I looked in his direction.

“Yes-ish…”

“You mean maybe.” I corrected as I looked at DA.

“No, I mean Yes, but not quite one hundred percent yes.”

“Sooo… maybe.” Sunday added in as she shared my look of exacerbation.

“No no, look…” DA put his right hoof to one side as he looked at us. “This is Yes.” He put his left hand up. “This is No.” He brought his two hooves together in the center with a clop. “And this is maybe. Yes-ish is more….” He brought his right hoof back up as he slowly brought his left hoof closer to it, till it was only two inches away. “Like this. Got what I mean?”

For the first time since I got to Equestria… nay, since my Uncle Keven tried to create a moonshine powered engine (Please, for the love of God, don’t ask why) my brain started to hurt. Apparently, Sunday suffered the same kind of pain I did, since the only relief we could get was from us smacking our foreheads with our palms and hooves, respectively. However, we recovered in mere seconds as Sunday let out a slight growl.

“Alright, what are the plans?”

“First one, we put the C-4 on us and threaten to blow the Vault up with them in it if they don’t let us go.” DA said with a smile.

Not a bad idea, but still not a great one.

“The other?” I asked as I looked back down at the C-4.

“We make little balls, throw it at them, and hope that one of the Night Mares tries to catch it with her magic.” DA’s left eye started to twitch as the smile slowly grew larger.

“Why is that?”

“Boooooooom.” You know when an anime character is right on the cusp of loosing their marbles? That was the SAME EXACT LOOK DA had on his face as his hooves flew out, imitating a mushroom cloud. However, with him, I actually think it was a good look.

Sunday looked at me, ignoreing DA’s sudden pantomime. “C-4 reacts to Electrical pulses. Magic has electricity in it. Sooo…”

Everything just clicked for me right then and there. Why shouldn’t it? I’m an American, damn it! I need crap blowing up to make things interesting! “I’m voting for plan two. I really, really like plan two now.” I said as a smile went over my face. Now to sound smart so I don’t look like a crazy person. “Think of it… not only can we get the jump on them, but even if we don’t get her to set off the ball of explosive fun, you could do it remotely.” I said to Sunday, almost imitating DA as he nodded in agreement.

Sunday, however, pointed to the ground. “Alright, smart guys, say that I did do that, what would happen if a stray shock just happened to get through the two hundred year old magic resistant plastic covering the rest of the C-4? Keep in mind that if the Night Mare didn’t get fried, there isn’t anything to keep her from doing the same to us.”

My smile crashed like a clown car at a monster truck rally. “Way to kill the fun, Miss Buzz Killington.”

“Yeah, using Logic and Forward thinking to get in the way of a potentially fun set up.” DA and my faces continued to mimic each other as Sunday picked up a brick with her hooves.

“Hey, if this works, it means you’ll have more C-4 to use next time…” She said in a teasing manner, like she was handing treats to children.

“Oooo! I call that mechanical cart on the side of the road!” DA said with a smile on his face as he placed a few bricks of C-4 on his person.

I leaned over, keeping my then fake smile plastered on my face as I picked up the rest. “Well, it might not be blowing anything up, but it’ll be fun making these Bad Dreams crap themselves when they see us covered in Plastic Explosives.” I put in a few bricks till an idea hit. I looked in one drawer and saw a small purse, and put a small, open brick inside it. I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled the purse up to my elbow and looked at DA and Sunday. “How about if we take a nice stroll out of here? I’ve been in need of fresh air myself.”

“Indubitably.” Sunday retorted as she reloaded her shotgun, holding it in her hooves. DA brought his assault rifle up, and the two pony’s walked on their hind legs to the door.

Sunday slowly opened the door as DA and I got to the corner and waited. She cleared her throat as she called out. “Hey, got a question for ya, Miss Night Mare. What’s your name?”

The Night Mare growled a bit before she cleared her throat. “Just call me Night Shade, sweetie. No need to be formal.”

“Well, Night Shade, I’d like to tell you right now, that we got something for you to mull over.” She stepped out, and I could hear two, maybe three rifles click as they were raised. “We, and when I say we, I mean myself and BOTH of my friends, are going to get out of this Vault. If you don’t let us leave, and this is me not wanting to be so clichéd, but you’ll know exactly what it’s like to be in a worms guts. Got it?”

Several of the Night Stallions around their leader were already cussing up a storm, hoping to look from their leader what to do next. When Sunday waved for DA and I to move out, I finally got a look at the small group of Bad Dreams. Three stallions; one Pegasus stallion with a purple coat and yellow mane was armed with an assault rifle almost like DA’s, except in much worse condition, two Earth Stallions, one being Non-Keanue Reeves, while the other was a shorter, light blue fat guy with one eye and shaved mane. Now, Miss Night Shade, being the only mare, was easier to tell who she was. A unicorn with obviously dyed black coat (her original color was a sickly green) with a fake cutie mark resembling Luna. Her body had scars galore on her barrel. Her eyes were… odd. I can’t quite explain it better than to say it was like they were dipped into coffee and dyed the edges blood red. They could tell what was around our torso’s, and slowly began to walk back. I noticed that none of them had the missile launcher on them, which made me wonder where they left the thing.

We didn’t have to wonder for long, as I heard something fall down on the floor with a clank. Sunday was the one to look at her feet first, and she let out a slight chuckle as she looked back at the small group of raiders.

“Looks like someone forgot their toys.” She said with a dark laugh.

Night Shade glared at the short, fat stallion as Sunday motioned for me to get the launcher. The thing was heavy, and I struggled to keep my finger off the trigger as I let it rest on my shoulder.

“Be careful with that, Jerry! We already got to worry about the damn C-4. If you drop it…” DA warned as I readjusted the large weapon.

I fumbled. I wished that it was on purpose, but yeah… it wasn’t. Everyone let out a gasp as I juggled the large, cumbersome thing for a full five seconds before it rested back on my shoulder. I heard water hitting the floor, and Not-Keanue looked down in fearful shame.

“Did he just…?” DA said as he looked down at the Earth Pony’s hooves.

“On the floor? Yes.” Sunday almost giggled. Almost.

The group, as a whole, scotched backwards as Sunday, DA and I skirted around the newly made puddle. I felt good about how things were going, till I realized something. What are we going to do once we are out in the open? I mean, once the group is outside, who cares about if we blow up? Or would they try and take me alive, pulling me away from Sunday and DA? What was stopping them from killing them once we got to the surface? I mean, even with the C-4, if there is anyone that is good with a pistol, they can take them both out.

Sunday probably realized that as soon as we got to the entrance to the Vault.

Two full grown Deathclaws lay on the ground, dead. One’s top portion of their head was missing, while the other had a gaping wound in its stomach. Their blood pooled around their bodies as their bodies laid on the top of the steps leading to the vault doors, and because of that, the steps where a hazard as the small group of raiders tried to back down.

“Watch your step, folks. Kind of slippery.” DA teased as he looked at them stumble about. The only Night Stallion who didn’t slip was the skinny purple Pegasus. Now looking at the guy, he had seen better days. He was jittery, barely able to keep his eyes on us longer than a few seconds as he looked around. When he flew down the stairs, it looked more like a housefly more than a majestic creature of lore. I could just guess that he was either on Jet or something harder, if there was anything harder.

Heh… maybe he was on meth?

…

Why am I suddenly thinking of Applebloom with the face of Bryan Cranston telling Pinkie it was “Time to Cook”? Have no idea.

Wait a minute… Jessie Pinkman? Pinkie? OH, DAMN IT! Eureka! It makes sense now! Third eye opened!

Hold on, why do I feel like my feet are up in the-

THUD!

WHAM!

FWOOOOooooooooooosh!

Bang!

/////////////////////////////////////////////

One inch.

One fucking inch. That was all the air that was between my fucking head and a missile that went past.

But not only did it manage NOT to hit me or Dumbass in the head, or any of the scared shitless Bad Dreams, but it CURVED UP the FUCKING STAIRS, like it was late for some sort of meeting of Blowing Up Shit Anonymous! I shit you not!

We sat there for a good five minutes, looking at the fucking stairs leading up to the gas station, just trying to let everything set in. We could have easily died, no fucking way to get around that. I wanted to look back to see what the FUCK Jerry did, but I was just…

“Ow, my butt…” Jerry’s voice carried as he sat up. I saw him at the edge of my vision, looking at the launcher, then up at the stairs, then back at the launcher. “Where did the missile go?”

Dear sweet Sisters… I’m not sure if I’m pissed, or happy. I might have to make a new emotion that means I’m so pissed off that I’m glad we’re all alive.

“That… was… AWESOME!” Dumbass managed to further break the silence as I heard some of the Night Stallions chuckle to themselves like idiots. I looked at Night Shade, and we shared a look that essentially stated everything we needed to say to one another. Stallions are idiots.

Now, we still had the upper hoof. We were covered in c-4 in an underground lab. They knew it, we knew it. The small group still acted nice to us as they packed to the stairs.

“You know, hon, you’ve done a good job with your boys there. Normally I’d be pissed off, but I like you. Let us go, and we won’t try and find and tear you to pieces. Sound good?” Night Shade said with a smile. Said smile was an ugly affair. Not because of a lack of hygine, but mostly because I noticed for the first time that she had actually sharpened two teeth into fangs.

Don’t be thinking I’m against carnivores or omnivores. I’ve talked, befriended and slept with both in my time. Something about a pony sharpening their teeth, though was unnatural.

“Did you file down your teeth for that? That’s got to hurt.” Jerry asked as he stood back up, his pants covered in Deathclaw blood. The look on Night Shade was worth watching.

“What the hell is that human on?” She asked me.

“No fucking clue. I need to ask him to share.” I kidded, only to have Dumbass smack me in the foreleg.

“Don’t even kid about that, Sunday.” Dumbass almost hissed at me.

I should know better. I almost OD’ed that last time I had anything. Quitting cold turkey makes you forget what your limits are with chems. I had him holding back my mane as I tried to recover that week. He kept on telling me how worried I made him. I kind of wished that he knew.

Fucking Dumbass with his tit fetish.

“Back to our little negotiation…” I looked at Night Shade with a half assed smirk on my face. “I don’t see why I should…”

“Now hold on, there! I didn’t say anything-“She tried to interrupt as I brought my hoof up to stop her from talking.

“HOWEVER… the lot of you have been doing pretty well on not being assholes to us… save for trying to shoot all those missiles at us.” I started to smile at Night Shade as we made our way to the stairs. “If you had, you’d have blown yourself up as well as us, so it’s kind of hard for me to keep hating you. Well, actually, knowing you’re a part of the Bad Dreams still makes me hate you, just not nearly enough to go on and kill you outright.” While the rest of her group slowly climbed up the stairs to get away from us, she stayed put, looking right into my eyes. I was barely a body length away from her as she continued to grin at me. “You all run… not to your friends. Away from New Pittsburg. Don’t care where, just don’t let me catch you doing your regular raider shit, especially to us, and you’ll be fi-“The bitch forced her lips onto mine and kissed me like there was no tomorrow.

I did not enjoy myself.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” She tried to sing it with her ugly ass voice.

She pulled away from me thinking she had made a new “special friend”, and I think I might have caught some new form of the CLAP.

Dumbass and Jerry looked at me, Dumbass with surprise and a bit of… Hell, I’ve never look at me like that before. Jerry’s open mouth and horrified expression more than made it obvious that he knew what was going through my mind.

“Did it taste like a used ashtray in a trucker’s restroom?” I couldn’t tell which one said it as I shivered in revulsion and decided to taste the wall we were going up.

“God damn it… I need liquor! Vodka, even turpentine! I don’t care; just let me drink it to get the taste off my tongue!” I whispered to them as I felt my taste buds refresh themselves with the grime of the old secret tunnels.

As we made our way up, we came to the room that was once the backroom to the convenience store. A new hole in the roof and a large hole in the wall showed the destruction that could have happened downstairs.

Jerry was looking down at the launcher, and he was not as happy about it as he seemed.

“Okay, I did not mean for that to happen.”

I didn’t bother saying anything as we slowly made our way to the front. DA looked out the window, making sure to stay down enough to keep from being seen. He peeked out the door and then turned to us with a smile.

“Looks like they took your advice… Heading west of here.”

I smiled as I walked over to DA’s side, sitting next to him as I began to pull off the c-4 on my fur. “Good, now help me get this crap off me. Last thing I want is to have this shit stick to my ass and blow up with a stray magic charge.”

DA… I mean Dumbass rolled his eyes as Jerry walked to us, opening a case that he kept the rest of the C-4 in.

We must have been at it for at least fifteen minuets, cleaning each other off and putting the now rounded balls of plastic explosives and pits of fur into the bag. Obviously, Jerry was the easiest since he simply took off his shirt and stuffed it into the bag, leaving him in his undershirt.

The boy really needs to work out. He just doesn’t have the body to show off to anybody.

He realized the looks he got from us (Dumbass’ right eye twitched a little bit) and he looked around for anything he could use to put on his newly exposed upper body. It didn’t take long for him to find an old t-shirt being sold in the corner with the words “I’m with Derpy” and an arrow pointing to the right.

I remember, vaguely, what my mom told me about before the war, there where screens called TV’s used to tell stories and skits, and one of the shows was called “I Love Derpy”. A comedy about a pegasus mare who married a hybrid band leader. She always wanted to show him that she could be a star in his show, but things would always go wrong, and hilarity would ensue.

Jerry looked down at the T-Shirt and just grinned from ear to ear. “Now, don’t that beat all…” He looked up at me, still smiling. “I swear, if I ever make it back to my world, and I get, like, a hundred of these, I can be rich in ten seconds flat.” After five seconds, his smile melted as he said something under his breath. It was like he had said something stupid(er than usual), and he actually realized it this time.

Progress.

We looked out the window once more, and saw no one else out and about. Of course, that didn’t mean that there wasn’t somepony waiting to ambush us, but again, we couldn’t stay in here that much longer. Dumbass opened the door, and we all filed out, paying close attention to our surroundings. It didn’t take long before the silence that we so enjoyed was broken by none other than Jerry.

“So, you think that Night Shade left us be?”

I sighed a bit as I looked back at him. “I hope so. The fewer shells I got to use on Bad Dream scum, the better. Shotgun shells don’t grow on trees.”

“Not much grows on trees right now.” Dumbass chimed in.

“What about those trees near the town?” Jerry asked.

He had to bring those stupid trees up, didn’t he? “Jerry, trust me. They aren’t worth worrying about.”

“Unless they are made out of the ground up bodies of little babies, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. That’s all I’m saying.”

I don’t want to think about it.

Shut up, Jerry. Please, just shut up. You don’t need to know.

“Jerry, I told you to drop it. Drop. It.” Dumbass’ voice was comforting to me, but I could feel Jerry’s heartbeat rise. He never saw Dumbass angry. He knows he doesn’t want to make him angry.

We continued walking in silence for a mile. The last I saw Jerry, he looked ashamed. Maybe he was catching on that it’s a sore subject. I hope so.

Maybe in a few weeks, when he trusts us more we can tell him.

*Snap*

Everything froze around me. Then I heard a laser pistol charge up.

“RUN!”

I didn’t care who said it. I went to a full gallop, and ran. I could hear more hoof beats as I focused on getting to the ridge. Daisy could see us. She is supposed to be expecting us, her shot ready for anything out of the ordinary.

Please, Dumbass, Jerry, be behind me…

/////////////////////////////////////

*Snap*

I saw Sunday freeze. I froze in place. Jerry didn’t. He reached for his pistol, and he turned.

“RUN!” He shouted as he slapped my flank like a wasteland Brahmin. I didn’t argue as I followed Sunday. I could make out shimmering images in the corner of my eyes.

I couldn’t hear his footsteps, but I didn’t stop. My body wanted to be safe.

Why didn’t my mind stop my legs? How come I can’t stop running?

The rim was closer and closer, and I heard it. Shots from a laser pistol and the sudden collapse of a body to the ground. A few more shots, then a grunt of pain.

I wanted to look back, but I didn’t.

“God damn me… God damn me…”

////////////////////////////////

I need to reroll a better character, because this one SUCKS!

The Pip Boy was doing great! At least, that’s what I thought. Then, I heard a snap, like someone stepped on a stick. And that’s when I saw ten red dots behind us.

I went into VATS, and began to look at what we had to worry about. I did not like what I saw.

I saw the outlines of two Pegasus’ a good two hundred yards away and up in the air, as well as six earth ponies, one being a tall son of a bitch, able to stare me in the eyes on all fours. I then saw two unicorns in the back. I can’t make out more than just an outline, so I can try and shoot at that, but knowing my luck, it’ll miss and the shots will hit me in the nuts. What do I do?

I guess the smartest thing to do is to get DA and Sunday out of here. Logic dictates that they want me more than them. They run off, get help, and they come back to save me.

I don’t like this plan.

I could always take the cowards way out. Quick, painless. Better than being used as someone’s sex toy.

I felt angry at myself just thinking that. No. I don’t care if they do the most horrible things to me imaginable, I will never give them the satisfaction of knowing that they would make me do that to myself. I can do this. Give them both time. Aim at the two fly boys first. Then I can give up or something. Just got to give them a few seconds.

I began to put in the shots on Vats, aiming at the wings of both Pegasi. No kill shots. Just got to get their attention.

God, please let this work.

I activated VATS as I swung my hand back to smack DA in the flank. Hope he doesn’t think I’m coming onto him after this.

“RUN!”

My pistol raised up, and I saw the beam shoot across the air, and hit the wing of the closest target, making him plummet to the ground. I heard a crack as he hit the ground, his camo flickering off. His wings where bent in a very painful way. The second shot fired, and missed the next guy, but his camo flickered off as well, and he aimed a shot at me with his assault rifle. It missed me by a good three feet. The third shot fired towards the group of earth stallions, and they scattered.

I used VATS once more, this time to get a look at the area. Six of the stallions had already flickered into sight, but my eyes wandered over to the unicorns, and the two mares in the back of the group made Night Shade look like Pamela Anderson in the 90’s. Their coat was matted and missing patches of hair, while their manes where spiked. Their eyes where crimson from what I could tell, and what teeth they had where sharpened to uncomfortable points. Instead of having their coat’s dyed black or dark blue, they looked like they had bathed in a weird brick red paint.

The big guy, the ugly Earth Pony, was a lot more muscular than I thought he was at first. His left eye was missing. I don’t mean “oh, he wore an eye patch” though. His eye socket was healed, and it had some kind of tattoo INSIDE the socket, making it look like he had a demonic eye forever staring out. I think that I’m going to try and make him less of a problem.

I aimed at his legs with the VATS, and activated it.

One shot hit his knee, and he was now charging straight at me. His eye, his one good eye, wanted to trample me to the ground.

I brought my arms up to protect my head and chest as I curled up, and then I felt it. A hot burst of energy slammed into my forearms, and slammed me backwards. The big guy stopped as I fell. He was afraid.

I can’t blame him.

I looked down at my arms. I wish I didn’t.

My skin was burnt. Not third degree, thank you, Lord, but it hurt. My hair was burnt off, and the impact was already blistering up. I tried to sit up, but as I did, I felt someone appear next to me and slam their hoof onto my chest. I smelt iron and rot.

I looked up and saw the source of my assault. One of the Night Mares smirked as I realized what they had covered themselves in. I realized then that I did, in fact, use the bathroom while inside the Lab, because I felt like if I hadn’t, my pants would have been unwearable at that moment.

She leaned down, her grave-breath keeping me pinned to the ground as she laughed.“Booooooys…. We’ve got ourselves a prize!”

//////////////////////////////

We ran. Fast and hard. I continued to hear the hoof steps behind me. We came over the rim and I hazarded a look.

Dumbass was there.

I couldn’t help myself as I smiled, my tears falling down my cheeks as we came closer and closer to the library. At the edge of town, I stopped and sat, still crying as I tried to catch my breath.

Dumbass wasn’t fairing any better.

We looked at each other, angry at each other, at ourselves, and at…

“Where is Jerry?” The Boss’ voice boomed as she walked towards us. She looked at us, her eye shining yellow. I’ve never seen her eye like that before.

“Bad dreams… got drop…” Dumbass started before he started to hack and wheeze.

I had already gotten most of my composure back as I looked at The Boss. “He told us to run. We ran.”

“You should NOT have let him make that kind of decision! He doesn’t have the ability to-“

“He has a Pip Boy now. If he didn’t think he could make it out, he wouldn’t have told us to run!” I explained. He could make it out of there. Those Pip Boys and Pip Bucks don’t just strap themselves onto anypony’s wrist.

“What made you think that just because he has a computer on his wrist that he’s some sort of super soldier all of a sudden?” The Boss’ eye was red, but she kept her stare off of me. Her voice was a harsh whisper, and it cut. Deep.

“I wasn’t the one who ordered him to tag along with me, Ma’am.” There it was. She was the one to blame. She was the one who ordered him to be with me and Dumbass. Everything rested on her.

She knew it.

Why didn’t it make me feel any better?

“Everypony, front and center.” She shouted at the direction of the Library. It didn’t take long for everypony to pile out. Sunburn looked at me and Dumbass, then at The Boss with varying degrees of annoyance. Rip and Tear looked like they were interrupted in the middle of something, and Daisy looked like that something. Ragdoll looked at me and Dumbass, and she looked at the Rim.

“Sunday… is Jerry…”

“He’s alive, Kiddo. We’ll get him-“I began to bring Ragdoll’s fears to rest as I was interrupted.

“We’re heading out. Take what you can, and get ready to move in the hour.”

Dumbass looked up at The Boss, tears in his eyes. “B-boss, you can’t be serious…”

“There are three experienced Night Mares over that rim. The only reason why they left us alone was because they already picked this area clean of resources. It was the reason why we chose to come here in the first place. We might be able to free him from whatever slaver they sell him to, but as things stand now, there is no way we can handle the numbers that I saw two days ago!” The Boss looked us over with her cold application of logic.

“There might only be two Night Mares now, Boss. Plus, the third Night Mare’s boys went with her.” Dumbass told her, a smile on his face as he tried to beg.

“How do you know?”

“W-we came across her and her group! We made them run off when Jerry fired a missile past their head!” He was becoming more and more confident.

The Boss looked at me, her face awash with shocked confusion. I couldn’t help but grin and nod, confirming what happened. “He fired a missile underground, and it managed to snake up a flight of stairs. Boss, he doesn’t have skill, but he’s got some fucking amazing luck.”

The Boss stepped back, her eyes darting back and forth, as though as if she was calculating in her head. A ghost of a grin started to come up, but a quick shake of her head and she was back to her cold, logical frown. “I’m sorry. Things would still not go in our favor. The only way we could make certain is if there was a very large explosion to weaken and confuse the camp during the night.”

I do not consider myself a very religious mare, but when I heard a loud boom echoing and a plume of smoke going into the air, I almost thought that God or the Sisters where just waiting for someone to set up that fucking joke. I looked at The Boss, and she was grinning.

I was more frightened of her now than I have ever been in my life.

////////////////////////////////////////////

I was dragged into the city, most of the buildings where collapsing on themselves, whatever valuables long since stripped from them. I was being pulled by the big guy towards the factory as I heard him complain.

“Why do I have to drag the meat to the hide out?”

“When will I get my shotgun back?”

“Will I get to be laid tonight.”

Complain, complain, and complain. If I wasn’t a hostage/kidnap victim, I’d complain about MY last twenty four hours! Son of a bitch would have a new appreciation for his lot in life.

Oh, sure. You guys might say “How dare you complain. You lived in a good home with plenty of food and running water!”

Oh, yeah, and where is it now? I’m not saying that after a night of being in a semi-dirty bed and being hungry for half a day gives me special rights to hold pitty parties a la Pinkie Pie style, but I WILL say I lost more than this big pile of crap has, and in record time.

And if things go as bad as it seems to be, I’ll…

No, don’t think about it! Damn it, Jerry! Don’t think about that. They’ll get here. They have to! They wouldn’t just let me be… be…

I turned my head and saw a good portion of the Night Stallions off to the side, looking at the bag I had on me. They didn’t open it yet.

Oh, I hope the Night Mares do what I think they will.

The big guy finally got me into the factory. It was dark and dank. Pretty much like any factory in Fallout, except with posters of Princess Celestia and Luna on the walls. I was tossed into what was once a broom closet, with only a bottle of cloudy water and an empty bucket.

“What if I need to do number two?”

“Use the bucket.” The big guy said.

“I hope you plan on feeding me.”

He looked at me with a twisted grin.

Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut?

“You have the bucket, Pink Boy. You won’t go hungry that fast.”

Oh, thank God! I thought I was going to…

….

“Dude! That’s gross!”

The jackass busted out laughing as he slammed the door shut. I made myself comfortable on the floor, the bottle in my hand as I waited. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen tonight.

I closed my eyes as a loud boom echoed through the building. Shouting and cursing filled the air afterword. And I smiled.

Tonight is going to be fun.

Discord’s head appeared in the corner of my vision as he smiled as well. “You bet it will, fat boy. It’s going to be lots of fun.”

/////////////////////////////////

205 years before…

The night sky was brighter than usual. Discord could feel Luna doing her best to woo a certain stallion she had her eyes on, an astrologist by the name of Astral Storm. It was kind of a bore to him how the neigh-immortal had bent over backwards for the Earth Pony who got his cutie mark on “the other side”, as Discord called it.

He had always wanted to see the other Earth. The desolate wastelands, the constant threat of being ambushed by who knows what kind of beast, and human turmoil always put a small grin to Discord’s face, but he also knew the darker parts of that chaos. Humans did horrible things to one another. Things that Discord found appalling.

And that is saying something.

He found it amazing that they survived as long as they did, and had adapted so readily to Equestria. They yearned for freedom from the darkness, but still wanted to maintain the chaotic spirit they had in the Wastelands, an interesting conundrum. It was probably one reason why he found himself on the hill outside Fluttershy’s cottage, with the butter yellow mare close to him, looking at the sky.

“What’s on your mind, Discord?” Fluttershy asked as she looked up the chaotic spirits profile.

Discord thought for a moment. The small pony, herself a child adopted by a human couple, showed many of the positive aspects of humanity, and fewer of the unpredictable parts of them. What parts of her that where chaotic, however, sustained and intrigued him immensely. A capability of staring down monsters of great strength? The gumption to put everything on the line to keep promises, even if it cost ponies their respect for her? The sacrifices to make him more presentable to others? It was all that he needed to keep himself filed for a good three decades, and who knows what kind of morsels she could whip up between then and now?

That, however, wasn’t what was truly on his mind. “Humans, my sweet Fluttershy, have been nesting in my cerebral cortex for the better part of three centuries.”

He could feel Fluttershy looking up at him, worried. “What do you mean?”

“I doubt that you would have noticed it any, since humanity has been here, in our world for quite the while, but Fluttershy, let me ask you. What do you think of humans? And I do not mean your saintly parents. I mean the entirety of the species.” Discord looked down at Fluttershy, his countenance unnaturally serious.

“They can be… scary at times. I read about caravans from the east and west coast, trying to bring supplies to the NCR and the Brotherhood, only to be attacked by raiders.” Fluttershy talked in a hushed tone, like she was retelling a story from her childhood. “Bu-but they also help each other out! I remember that about… five hundred years ago, a human followed their father out of a vault, and helped him create a fully functioning mass water purifier for the Capital Wastes. Their father died to make sure the Enclave didn’t misuse it.”

Discord remembered those tales. The human that was shrouded in mystery, the savior, or depending on whom you asked, the bane of the Capital, had so many stories pinned to them, than none could be trusted. No one even knew what gender the legendary being was.

A massive crater that was supposed to be the remains of a small town called Megaton could easily have been created by a drunk firing a pistol as it could have been the workings of a mad and/or evil being who armed the defused nuclear bomb. The destruction of a Slaver’s headquarters could have easily been an elaborate hoax by the Enclave or a splinter cell from the NCR than a single individual.

However, Fluttershy believed that this Wanderer was a Godsend those many years back. He was never one to research, so he simply smiled as his lion paw began to pet the cotton candy colored hair of the mare. Let her believe it, he thought to himself.

“I suppose so. So much has happened since they appeared that even I noticed it when I was imprisoned.” He remembered the second to last caretaker of his statue when he was still imprisoned in stone. A yellow skinned human, Discord could never remember the proper terminology that they used to differentiate the types or tribes, whatever they were. He did remember that his name was Jon, and that he would talk to Discord as he worked. It was quite the conversation, despite it being so one sided.

He, happily, cleaned the gardens, paying close attention to Discord’s pedistal. He kept on talking about how Discord reminded him of creatures called Deathclaws, but a rather tame version at that. It was a shame that Jon had long since died (His employ was over fifty years ago, and he had to retire from advanced old age) before he was freed from his stony prison. He truly wished to give him a proper conversation, considering that, despite knowing what he was, that he was still willing to speak with him.

Now, where was he again? Oh, yes. Fluttershy.

“So, what do you think would happen if, even indirectly, humans became responsible for a war here?” Discord twisted his body to his side, looking down at Fluttershy who, still, kept close to his body. A rather peculiar action, to say the least, but he decided to focus on that later.

“I-I think that it would be like… what happened with y-you, Discord. The humans here aren’t the same as the ones in the Wasteland, but they fought just as hard to make a living here. They had to worry about the Everfree Forest and Pure-bloods trying to run them out of towns like Ponyville and Apploosa, and they did it with help.” She looked up at Discord, a smile on her face. “If they are the cause of a war, then they will do what they do best, survive, and I hope that they will do what they can to help us survive.”

She was smiling at him again with a slight blush on her cheeks as he looked at her. His claw came over her forehead. “Huh… no fever…”

Fluttershy blushed harder. “Wh-what? What k-kind of fever are you looking for?”

Discord’s long, serpentine body slid up in a single fluid motion, bringing him to his feet as he manifested a pair of sunglasses and a cowbell. “A fevah foah –“

He peered dramatically at Fluttershy. “Moah Cowbell.”

She smirked at Discord, rolling her eyes as she got back to her hooves. “One of these days, I’m actually going to understand what your talking about, and even Pinkie is going to think I’m crazy.”

“Not as bad as she is. She’s got seventy percent of the jokes I do, considering that most mad mares only get about twenty percent, that’s pretty bad.” Discord chuckled as he walked Fluttershy to her cottage. “Oh… uh… also, I am going to be gone for about a month…”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s for some sort of… com-pooter deal in Camelot. I’m surprised Twilight didn’t mention it…” Discord explained away.

“I… see… Twilight has been busy with certain projects. I don’t know any specifics, just that… it’s pretty important.” Fluttershy’s shock had worn off, and was replaced with a crestfallen look on her face.

“Hey, now…” Discord hugged the Pegasus tightly. “No need to worry. If I don’t like what is going on, I’ll leave.”

“Wh-what? But what about…”

“Fluttershy, Princess or not, Twilight is going to have to realize that I am not a subject to her… frankly, I’m subject to nopony. I am a free spirit, as some humans say.” Discord could see that it wasn’t cheering up Fluttershy. “… but I won’t just bail on a friend, either. I just hope that she remembers that I AM a friend.”

“I know, Discord. It just takes a while for that kind of sting to go away.”

Discord winched as he thought of his betrayal, and Tierek’s bargain. Many people and ponies know of him helping Tierek about a year and a half before, but only a hoofful know the reasoning.

While being a creature of chaos and mischief, Discord knew where to draw the line. He never put anyone in bodily danger (financial is another story altogether), save for those who would attack him. When Discord hunted down Tierek, he had found the small, pathetic creature attacking a lone, human child, sapping the life essence from him. Discord would have killed the weakened creature then and there, but with no knowledge of how to put the essence back into the child, he had come to an agreement. Discord would help collect an equal amount of magic (A far less lethal idea than essence) so that Tierek could replace the child’s life essence back to his body.

What he didn’t think of was the sudden high he got from sowing chaos. It didn’t take long before he believed he had simply betrayed his friends to feel complete. It wasn’t till he, himself was betrayed by Tierek that he realized the mistake he had made. And he knew that his choice shifted the blame for the child’s eventual death squarely onto him.

He shook his head clear of such thoughts, and opened the door for Fluttershy. “I’ll see you in a month, Fluttershy.” A small smile crept onto his face as the yellow pegasus entered her cottage.

“Goodnight, Discord. And good luck.” She yawned as Discord closed the door. He walked away from the cottage, not wanting to look back. A sudden golden flash from behind a bush betrayed the enterence of a messenger, a unicorn stallion with ash-gray coat and a golden horn, as he tripped towards the spirit of chaos.

“Damn… the teleport spell needs to be fixed a bit more…” He stood up and looked at Discord. “Huh… the boss was right. You DO look like a Deathclaw mated with a Chimera.”

“I suppose your my guide to the labs?” Discord asked sardonically. “What luck. I hope you at least know how to-“ Before Discord could finish, he and the stallion vanished with a strange pop.

Discord could feel his magical energies being disrupted. He thought, at first, that the cause was the stallion messing up such a rudimentary teleportation spell, but as he opened his eyes, he saw that he was standing in the center of a green, crystalline magically dampened containment area. He saw humans and ponies walking about in lab coats and recording readouts from several machines attached to his crystal.

A familiar purple Alicorn walked to his cell, a look of worry on her face.

“So… did you tell her about the Trinity Accord?”

Discord shook his head. “I told her I was here for some computer thing. I suppose that’s half right, isn’t it?”

Twilight smiled. “Half truths are better than full lies, I suppose. You know that this is going to hurt. A lot.”

“I need to do this, Twilight.” Discord sighed as he sat on the “floor” of the container.

“I need to ask you this again, Discord. This isn’t something we can let you back away from once we start. If the worst case scenario happens, you will have to make a sacrifice. Your body will die. And you will be in pain while it happens.”

Discord closed his eyes. He knew what was being asked of him. He knew that this project will help people and ponies alike. The question, that he hoped to get answered from Fluttershy, was IF he could do this for both.

He wasn’t happy about this arrangement. However, he knew that this was what he agreed to. He knew that the next time, either himself or someone like Tierek could appear, and cause untold amounts of damage to the ponies… no, to the people of this land. He couldn’t allow himself to be a monster again.

For Jon, for that child, and for Fluttershy he had to do this.

“I know. But let’s focus on this first month, alright Princess? Oh, and while I may be stuck in this… prison, could I at least have a pillow? I’d like the option to sleep.”

Twilight nodded and ordered a scientist to get the requested item. The Spirit of Chaos smiled as he hugged the pillow to him. “What a way to start a month of Hell.” He mused to himself as he began to doze, dreaming of dancing buffalo and stilt legged rabbits… or as he fondly called it “Home coming.”

Author's Note

Here it is. Kind of hard writing this chapter. I'm hoping to do a lot better in the second part.

Again, if you see any problems, let me know, and please, comment and criticize.

Chapter Five: Damn near killed 'em! (Or Here come the Bad Dreams part Two)

203 years before…

Donut Joe walked the streets of New Pittsburgh. It was his hometown. His parents had moved there when he was a colt, and he grew up rooting for the New Steelers football team with his friends. Had his first girlfriend (a cute filly by the name of Bon Bon). He only moved out of necessity.

His Donut shop was doing well in Canterlot, and he knew he was wanting to extend his business elsewhere. What better place than his old neighborhood? He was dressed in a leather jacket as he made his way down the streets. His parents, God bless their souls, had died the previous year. It was hard looking at the apartment he grew up in, but as he saw children playing outside, he couldn’t help but smile.

A young gray Pegasus hybrid filly walked up to him, wearing coveralls and violet mane couldn’t be more than five years old as she looked up at him.

“Your th’ baker who wants ta make the donutty shop ‘round th’ corner, right?” She managed to speak with a missing front tooth.

Joe smiled and patted the girl on the head. “Yeah. And who told ya that, kiddo?”

“My momma. She said that once it opened, that we can eat th’ best donuts in ‘Questria!” She chirped as her smile spread over her face.

He couldn’t keep his grin this wide forever, but the way the kid looked at him, he couldn’t help but keep his smile on. “Well, if you come by, you and yer mom can have a donut on me when I open.”

The filly tilted her head as she looked at him, confused. “Why would I want to eat a donut off of you?”

Joe couldn’t help but let out a loud chuckle. “I meant it would be free, kiddo.”

“Then why didn’t you say so?” The kid’s smile returned as she ran off towards a human woman sitting on the stairs, wearing a gray dress and blouse. “MOMMA! WE’RE GETTIN’ FREE DONUTS!”

Joe shook his head as he began to walk to the shop. He noticed that a few humans who were on the street where giving him stares. He didn’t know, exactly, what caused it, till he saw a human boy, about ten years old wearing a white checkered shirt, selling newspapers.

“EXTRA, EXTRA! PURE-BLOOD ATTACKS IN PONYVILLE! TWO KILLED AS ANTI-HUMAN MOB ATTACKS CHURCH!” The boy hardly stopped as he looked at Joe, handing him a newspaper. Joe almost instinctively tossed two bits to the boy, who nodded his thanks to the unicorn, as he began reading the story.

“As mass was being held at the newly made Church of the Abbey of the Road, a small group of Pure-Blood members threw rocks through the window. As members of the congregation gathered together for protection, the assistant Deacon, Marcus Tennant and his brother, Nigel, went to the door to barricade it, only to be met with two members of the mob. The two were dragged out of the church and beaten and trampled. The group continued unabated for… thirty minutes… till they were chased off by a mixture of police and townsponies. The two humans were taken to the Ponyville General Hospital. Nigel Tennant was declared dead on arrival, while Marcus died shortly after surgery. Several critics of the Church stated that the attacks wouldn’t happen if they would be more open to revealing the location of the Abbey to Princess Celestia. Spokesmen from the Church replied “When the smaller towns of Equestria can care for the lives of the people and ponies of their faith, then the Church will be more than willing to reveal the location to the Royal Sisters” stating that “Lives should matter more than theological and political power plays”.

Poor response time from the Police guard were attributed with zoning restrictions imposed by Mayor Mare on the Church, forcing them to build near the outskirts of the town. In light of such a tragedy, the Mayor pulled back on her restrictions, and had set into motion the rebuilding and/or moving of the Church closer to Ponyville proper. Pure-Blood sentiment in Ponyville had dropped sharply after the near fatal attack on famed musician Lyra Heartstrings and her fiancé, Thomas Morgan by the local group’s leader, Red Rum, but the lack of arrests from the police on either the most recent case and the previous one has shown a lack of faith in the local government.”

He couldn’t read any more. Joe held onto the paper, but tore out the offending headline as he continued on. Pure-Bloods weren’t new. They had existed since ponies knew that other species could speak and think like they could. They put an emphasis on keeping “Pony Blood clean”, weather that meant encouraging same-tribe marriages, or putting more emphasis on “Old time herding”, a practice made popular in the time where the gender ratios where skewed to two stallions for every five mares (Because of modern medicine, the ratio had come to a comfortable 1.5 stallions for every two mares) where several mares shared one stallion.

They viewed humanities involvement on changing certain behaviors (namely the so called “Herd Mentality” when they assisted in equaling out the gender ratio ) as evil, and that all humans could never truly be Equestrian citizens.

Joe wanted nothing to do with them, and could feel the unease that several humans would have with him around. A face that hadn’t been seen for years, and who had yet to get into contact with his old friends made such things difficult.

He turned the corner, putting his paper to his pocket as he noticed a small group of humans and ponies standing outside his future bakery. At first, he worried, keeping himself to the side, till he recognized one of the people in the crowd.

“Is that you, Speedy?” Joe asked as he looked at a young dark skinned man in his mid twenties wearing a white greaser shirt and jeans.

“Dough Boy?” Speedy said as he parted from the group, walking over to Joe who got onto his hind legs to hug him with his forelegs tightly. “Damn, man! It’s been too long!” They stopped hugging as Joe went back to all fours, smiling.

Speedy was quick to the draw with a bit of the gossip he had heard. “I heard that you got a pretty sweet deal in Canterlot after that cooking school. Serve the princess’ any of your cream filled long johns yet?” Speedy joked, his elbow ribbing into Joe’s side.

“Yeah, but not in the way you mean, man. Princess Luna likes the Bavarian creams. Who’d knew.”

Speedy looked at Joe like he grew a second head. “You serve the Princess’? For real?”

“Yeah… not as much as I’d like.” He smiled as he looked up at Speedy. “But I am pretty tight with the assistant to Princess Twilight.”

“You’re shitting me.” Speedy’s mouth keep open as he looked at him.

“I shit you not, good sir. He’s a fan of the fritters, by the way.”

“Fucking hell!” Speedy knelt down and hugged Joe with one arm as he laughed. “Man, am I proud of you! I knew your stuff was good, just didn’t know it was THAT good!”

Joe grinned as he stopped and sat down, looking up at Speedy. “So, what brings you and your friends here? Where’s the rest of the gang?”

“Some guy is building a bakery here. Word on the street he’s a real douche bag.” Speedy’s grin couldn’t hide the pride he felt then and there for his friend. “The Twins are working at the steel mill, like their dad. Tipper is working at the Journal as a reporter. And Jenny got married.” The look on Speedy’s face made it seem like he was hiding something, but Joe decided not to follow with it, just in case it was a sore subject.

“It’s good to hear that they’re all still on their hooves. By the way, I’m the douche bag who’s opening the bakery.” Joe knew how to play along with Speedy’s jokes. “What are you doing, anyways?”

“Mailman, actually worked with a Miss Ditzy Hooves before she became Equestria’s favorite goofball.” Speedy smiled down at Joe. “And I do mean “worked”.”

Joe couldn’t help but let out a loud guffaw as he shook his head. “You horny bastard. When are you ever going to settle down, man?”

“Who said I’m not settled down? Got me a wife and two kids now.” Speedy said, in a haughty fashion. “And no, I didn’t even date her when I was seeing Ditzy, and yes, the kids are from her, you nut sprain.”

Joe blinked in surprise as he looked at Speedy. “Wow… that’s… kind of a big deal.”

“Said the famous donut master.” Speedy mused.

“Man… I’ve been so busy with the business, I’ve… I’ve only been on, like… three dates…”

“In, what… the last month?”

Joe shook his head.

“Three months?”

He continued to shake his head.

“… Year?”

“Three years…. “

It was now Speedy’s turn to drop his jaw as he gasped at empty space. After a few seconds, he recovers and looks down, apologetically at his friend. “Dude… You better be careful when you sit your ass down, I don’t want to hear your poor aching balls explode when I’m on the other side of N.P., hear me?”

“I’ve been sitting pretty well recently, Speedy. Don’t worry. I’ll be out on the prowl soon after I open my shop up, anyways… Also, who is the lucky lady? And should I tell her what kind of things you where into in high school? Like that “experiment”?” Joe joked as the two got to the door of his work in progress.

“Funny thing is… it’s Jenny, so she knows first hand what kind of a dick I am. Still figuring out how she puts up with me.”

Joe couldn’t help but smile. Jenny was a Pegasus hybrid that Joe had known for years. She was his bully in grade school, and close buddy in high school. He could see her being the pants in any relationship, but thinking of her as a mother was a slight stretch.

The two entered the still blank Donut Shop as they continued their conversation, Speedy sitting in a chair as Joe went and made some coffee.

“So… you read the story?” Speedy’s voice turned to a more serious tone.

“Yeah… I’ve been to Ponyville, too. The ponies there aren’t bigots. Most of them, I mean. You’ve got a few jackasses everywhere, but Ponyville is just filled with crazy, not hateful, folks.” Joe sighed as he looked at the coffee pot. “I remember Pinkie Pie talking about two folks from her church. Brothers. If it’s the same pair from the story, then… Ponyville just lost two of the best blacksmiths that side of Canterlot.”

Speedy simply gave a grunt in approval as Joe levitated a cup of coffee over to him.

“I’m guessing that things are getting rough here in New Pit.”

Speedy looked up at Joe, a look of worry on his face as he took the cup. “It’s that obvious? Damn, I need to work on that.”

“What’s going on, Speedy.”

Speedy took a long drink from his cup as he collected his thoughts. “Pure Bloods have been moving in. Wouldn’t be that big of a problem if it wasn’t for the police.” He put the cup on the table, his gaze set on the table. “New Pittsburgh was a human colony-city, sure, but we fought to be a part of Equestria and this Earth. These guys… they are trying to take control of City Hall, the Steel Mill… it’s getting to be that we can’t trust anypony who moves in from out of the city, unless they got ties to the city. If this keeps up, we’ll be no better than the Pure Bloods. The Police have been knuckling down on both sides, which is a mixed blessing, to be sure.”

Joe stared at Speedy, his brow furrowed as he tried to ask for more information. The shock, however, was too much for him.

“No one’s died, thank God, but… what would happen if the Pure Bloods… or a crazy pro-human… got into power in the police station?” Speedy groaned to himself as he rubbed his forehead with both hands.

“How long has it been like this?” Joe finally managed to ask, a crack in his voice from the sudden fear weighing on him.

“Apparently, our parents have had to deal with this. Just now, the problems a lot more vocal.” Speedy finished his cup and looked at his watch. “Shit… Joe, dude, I got to bail.”

“No problem, Speedy. Go on.”

Speedy shot out of his chair and almost sprinted to the door before he stopped, and turned to Joe. “Saturday, you are going to eat at our place. No arguments, Joe Dirt.”

“First off, I don’t know where you live…”

“Same apartment. Parents gave it to me when they decided to move to Appleloosa. For a frontier town, it’s pretty cushy.”

“Alright, but still… Stop calling me Joe Dirt. I spend my whole High School era having to fight that damn nickname, I don’t need it to come back and bite me on the ass.”

“No promise…” And with that, Joe was alone with his thoughts.

Thinking of all the things going on in his home city, of the corruption and double dealings, could only be smothered by two things.

The first was that his parents had been through these very problems. He knew his mother and father raised him right. He’d live through it.

The second was that he wasn’t going through this alone. He had friends. And he knew that they could get through it all together.

/////////////////////////////////

Present day…

“You push me till I break and the anger turns to rage.

Why can’t you just leave me alone?

Your finger’s on the trigger

You think that you’re the winner

but your gonna get kicked offa your throne…”

Can’t tell why, but I can’t get that song out of my head. I doubt that Discord has any control over that. Hope it stays that way. I really don’t want to know what his taste in music is.

“Classical Rap.”

Huh… don’t know what that is, but doesn’t sound bad… And please stop doing that.

“Can’t help it.” Discord said with a slight chuckle. I need to make sure he doesn’t get too into my thoughts. I continue singing the song, both out loud and in my head.

“Tonight, get ready for a fight…”

“SHUT UP IN THERE, PINK MEAT!”

Oh, is that Mr. Happy? The guy who dragged me in here and told me to eat crap?

“TONIGHT, GET READY FOR A FIGHT, SO NOW YOU KNOW ITS TIME TO RIDE THIS CIRCUS FOR A PSYCHO!”

I heard pounding from the other side of the door. “I said shut your trap, you Pink Meat Sleave! If I have to open this door, you won’t be walking out of it! Your lucky you ain’t dead after the shit stunt you pulled on Monty and Rondo!”

Oh, oh! The two who probably got blown up? Oh, good…

I shook my head. I don’t need to think like them. Sure, they are scummy Raiders who want to kill me, or worse, but I don’t need to bow down to their level. If they die, they die, but I sholdn’t be glad that they die.

I heard applause for a few seconds as Discord clapped two disembodied hands below his head. “Well said, boy.”

Thank you, voice inside my head.

I need to get out of here. Weather I get saved by the others or not, I am not staying here longer than I need to. And considering I may have killed two… maybe injured others (I hope so, the fewer able bodied ponies, the better) it’ll be easier for me now, before they regroup.

I poured the water into the pee bucket slowly, trying to make it sound as authentically urinatingly as possible. (Shush. I know urinatingly isn’t a real word yet, but if we sweep that tiny fact under the rug, it might, someday, end up in Websters Dictionary.) Phase one of plan complete.

Phase two. Enrage the giant one eyed monster.

I wished I could have went through my life never having to say that, but hell, might as well enjoy the absurdity of it all.

“HEY, ONE EYED WILLY!” I yelled as loud as I could. “GET ME OUT OF HERE! THERE’S A RADROACH IN HERE!” I began to stomp on the ground, making it sound like I was fighting some large insect, or at least what I would think sounded like a fight against a large insect. As I heard the hoof steps, I got into position, picking up the bucket as quietly as possible.

“You better be dying in there, Pink Mea-“ He opened the door quickly, and in reflex, I threw the water at him. His brick red coat seemed to glow even redder. “OH, GODDESSES! IT’S IN MY EYE SOCKET!” Water dripped into his mouth, making him gag.

I smiled at him as I laughed. The fat head glared at me and backed away, still facing me.

“You are going to be paste!”

“Heaven or Hell! FIGHT!” I don’t know WHERE that came from, but apparently I was the only one to hear it. And frankly, it just put fuel in the dwindling fire that was once my hope of winning this fight. As One Eye lunged at me, I slammed the bucket over his head and managed to redirect the force from his head but into the wall. I ran to the metal door and closed it. Luckily, the key for the door was in the lock. So, what do I do?

“You broke the key in the lock.”

I broke the key in the lock! Wait, was that you Discord?

Discord’s head peeked from the side of my vision as he wore a metal workers mask. “Sorry, wasn’t paying attention. I’m trying to work on something in the background. Could you come back later?”

Oh, okay… well, if that wasn’t you, then…

I looked around the room, an apartments living room, and noticed a handful of Night Stallions looking at me.

I smiled sheepishly before I heard, and felt the metal door thump a few times before a hoof burst through it, leaving a big hole in it. “I AM GOING TO SKULL FU-”

“Hold onto that thought.” I raised my index finger as I turned to the others, who were still not aiming their guns at me and confused. They were only in one of the doors out of the room, the other being a giant hole leading to another apartment, and a fire escape in questionable condition. Good enough for me. “Onetwothree YOUR IT!” I ran to the fire escape and sort of crawl jumped out. The alleyway was empty, save for a dumpster and a recently dead stallion.

“Oh, yeah, no big deal. Just another dead body!” I muttered to myself as I went to the ladder and tried to go down it as quickly as possible.

Wait, is that ladder made for humans?

“MEAT SLEEVE!”

Later! Got to run away from Red Hulk Rapist in pony form.

I slid down the rest of the way and realized something.

“Ow!”

I just twisted my ankle. That is going to make the rest of this plan suck. Not impossible, just suck.

I went to the body and looked on it’s person, and found a switch blade.

In his throat.

Which was now in the early stages of decomposition.

“Noooope…” I left the blade where it was, but did find, of all things, healing powder and med-x in his pocket. I had about just under half of my hp. (Handy to know how close you are to being killed, but I don’t exactly know how it’s measured. I suppose I had plenty of internal injuries. Maybe the burn?

Wait a second…

“OOoooooowwww!” I muttered to myself as I waved my burnt and now slightly bleeding forearms around. I took the medicine and limped down the alleyway till I found another dumpster. I climbed into it, and caught my breath.

Okay, decision time. What do I use the healing powder on, and what do I use the Med-x on? Well, I could use the healing powder on my arms so I can fight, and use the Med-x on my ankle. No, need the speed more than the fight.

I quickly jabbed my burns, giving each arm half a dose of Med-X, then applied the healing powder. It didn’t take long for my ankle to heal, but my forearms where now only a little less pained as I relaxed.

I was about to get out of the dumpster when I heard a set of hooves running down the alley towards me.

“You see him?”

“Nah. He must have flown away.”

“Idiot! Humans don’t fly!”

“Yeah? What about that comic you got? La Fantome?”

“She’s different.” The Night Stallion stammered as he walked away. “B-besides, that’s just stories. Humans can’t use magic or have wings, so they can’t fly.”

Oh, how I wished I could fly out of here now. Granted, I’d still have one Pegasus to worry about, but hell, that’s better than it was. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought of neutralizing one of the pegasi just a few hours ago. Wait, was it a few hours ago?

“Time is 9:54 PM.” I whispered as I looked at my Pip-boy. “So, it was three hours. The explosion was… an hour ago, I think. Huh… I wonder what caused it, anyways.”

////////////////////////

One hour and three minuets ago…

It was a good day for Target , a light red stallion with a long white mane and no mark. He had found what he had needed for a long, long while.

When he and the others picked up the human, he had with him a large bag filled to the brim with clay blocks and balls, and a shirt. It was a dirty shirt, but it was a shirt. Something to keep him warm. Something to keep him dry. He needed this shirt for the nights he wasn’t with one of his mistresses. Not that he actually enjoyed their company, mind you. It was just better than shivering alone.

The smallest of the group of Bad Dreams, probably the youngest fit fighter, he was also the runt. He knew this well enough, and the other Night Stallions took full advantage of it. He had to fight for his food. Fight for a warm, dry cot. Had at several times, been tossed out of Weapon’s Day gatherings, only allowed to use a two by four with a single, rusted nail to defend himself when they went “hunting”. But with this shirt, his luck would change.

He walked around the camp, with the dirty flannel colored shirt covering most of his torso as he walked about. He felt powerful. Strong. Like he could take anyone on. Maybe even waking up from being a Bad Dream and getting a job doing something good.

Regretfully, when Monty, the second largest stallion and resident brown coated menace in the herd and Targets resident tormentor, walked up, he barely could say a thing as the thug yanked the shirt off his back and put it on himself.

Target’s head sank as he watched Monty put the shirt on himself, strutting around with his small clik within the herd, Rondo, Tic and Tock as they laughed at Targets misfortune.

“Damn it… I’d give anything to see that bastard just go to hell.” Target mumbled to himself as he watched Monty play with a unicorn toy. A small zap could be seen as an arc of magic hit Monty, making him shudder and laugh at it.

Target shook his head and began to walk away when he heard the familiar zap of the toy, and the all too familiar sound of high explosives going off. His eyes opened wide as he felt wetness on his back. He hesitated, but began to turn his head at the sight.

Monty was nowhere to be seen. In his place was a gore and scorch marked impression on the floor, and Rondo, Tick and Tock… or more accurately, their bodies, slammed against the walls of their small hideout. Target’s hoof reached behind him and pulled it back. He saw the tell tale red smear on the palm of his hoof. Blood, and it wasn’t his. He looked back at the smudge, smiled, and made a run for it.

Today was a good day for Target.

////////////////////////

Present

I didn’t hear any movement around the dumpster, so after catching my breath, I lifted the lid slowly and carefully. I didn’t see anyone either way, but waited a few seconds as I paid close attention to my surroundings. There were hardly any windows looking out of the buildings where I was at. No need to worry about anyone ambushing me as I stepped out, unless the Night Mares where wasting time and energy walking about with their invisibility spell on.

Of course, it could be more of like an enchantment. No need for constantly feeding when you can have it recharge every couple of hours… or days.

Damn, I’m going to have to ask Flure how magic works. It’ll make things a whole lot easier for me if I knew how it worked.

I managed to get out of the dumpster with minimal (relatively speaking) strain. I needed to get out of the city, but I had no idea how. Simplest thing for me to do would be to run down a street as fast as I could, but that would bring too much attention to me, and considering that I didn’t know if they had any traps-

CLICK

….

I looked under my shoe and noticed that I had stepped on a trip wire. Looking up let me see quite the sight of a large, four door truck crash landing just inches away from where I stood. And I still have not emptied my bladder. I don’t know what is going on with me, but I am hoping that when everything hits me in the future, that the pants I am wearing at the time are not expensive.

I looked at the heap of twisted metal beside me as the thought of my near-death experience tried to take roost in my mind, only to be tossed out like a drunk from a nudie bar with the shuffling of feet. Hooves. Whatever.

I decided to make like a banana sundae and get the fudge out of there.

Huh, I wonder if this whole thing is making me more witty.

“Opps, sorry. That was me.” Discord said as he peeked back into my vision looking non-apologetic as he apologized. “Hit the wrong neuron. You’ll be back to normal in five minutes.”

Damn it.

“Oh, and I’m almost done with your present.”

Not the best time, Discord.

Discord looked at what I was seeing and nodded. “Point taken. By the way, take a left up front, or else you’ll hit a dead end.”

I turned left sharply, thinking that “Hey, Discord would be killed too if I die, so why would he send me down the wrong path?” Which he replied…

“Actually, I’d just be trapped in the Pip Boy.” He coolly said, knowing I was not happy with him. “Waiting for the next fool to put me on. The good news is that I like you.”

Yay me.

“None of that now. One version of me had to deal with some gentlemen who kept on saying that. It got quite annoying, very quickly. Oh, and keep going straight in the next intersection.”

I didn’t let Discords little quip distract me for too long as I ran down the alleyway. I looked over my shoulder and saw two large stallions chasing after me. Don’t know what it was, but I turned my head back forward and closed my eyes. My lungs started to burn. I could barely think straight as I felt my feet snag onto something. I tripped, falling forward. I turned around, my right hand feeling slightly numb. I looked up as two shadows loomed over me. The two stallions where looking down at me, smiling venomously.

SLINK-SLINK

And then their heads exploded.

“Oh… well, hot damn.” I muttered under my breath as I began to stand up. I did the stupid thing and tried to use my left hand to balance myself. Oh, did my wrist not want any of that. “OH… ow… ow…ow…” I held my right hand close to my chest with my left, the coolness from the pip boy helping to keep the swelling down a bit. I decided to loot the bodies of the now dead Night Stallions, not really caring how they died.

I’m just going to chalk it up to God taking pity on the fat guy.

And boy, did he pity me.

I looked at the several needles of med-x and a nice police baton. Pocketing most of the med-x save for one needle, I injected a quarter of the contents into my wrist as best as I could. My left hand grabbed hold of the baton and I continued forward.

“Your being pretty stingy with the med-x, boy. You really think you should?” Discord tutted as I put the needle in my breast pocket. “You might need to do a lot more than just run, you know.”

I will not become an addict. I already have one full syringe in my system. I don’t need any more.

“My my. I suppose that is your dear poppa talking?”

…

“… I’m sorry. It seemed like my old demons like to rise up in inopportune times. You will have to excuse me. I do not like being imprisoned like this.” He actually sounded sincere this time.

I shrugged it off and continued forward.

////////////////////////////////////////////////

I so enjoy my profession.

The excitement of being a part of the action while being so far away is quite invigorating. Imagine seeing the world through a small glass hole, admiring and fantasizing what you want while in the safety of your own home? Anonymity. It’s a delicious feeling, I can assure you.

I stood at the rim, holding my sniper rifle close to my chest. Ragdoll, the sweet young mare she is, wanted to go with Sunday, Dumbass and Sunburn as they went into the long abandoned city to search for our newest addition to our “herd”, but after our Boss stepped in, she was stuck with helping her big sister with being a spotter.

“This is bullshit…” She muttered as she stood next to me. “He needs as much help as he can get. I’m not a filly anymore.”

I knelt down, patting her on the withers as I smiled. “I know, sweetie. The new… mmmm… man… needs as much help as he can get here.” I couldn’t help but giggle, bringing up a pair of binoculars. “I’d be more than willing to give it to him.”

Ragdoll gave an exasperated sigh as she glared at me. “You… you pervert. You know what I mean.”

I smiled as I looked through the binoculars, looking for movement. For a few seconds, all seemed more than a bit boring. Then I saw movement through windows. It was lethargic movement, but movement. Ragdoll saw it as well. It was sometimes strange how good her eyes where, but it made sense that she would be my spotter. I brought my rifle up as Ragdoll stood in front of me.

“Two clicks to the left. Big guy is limping. You see him?”

I nodded as my smile melted from my face. I didn’t like the look on his face. He was hurt, and I could tell he was looking behind him. I could see faster blurs behind him, and my blood began to chill.

Two Night Stallions, and they had a look in their eyes that I could never stand.

They wanted my plaything.

“What are you seeing?” Ragdoll asked several times as I began to turn off the safety.

“Don’t worry, hun. Daisy is taking care of it.”

Dear, sweet Jerry turned down an alley that I swear was looking right down the scope of my rifle. He probably could make a straight dash out if it wasn’t for the several blocks of buildings in his way. His plump self was adorable as he ran towards me. I stifled both a giggle and my fluttering heart as I saw him stumble. His fall, regretfully, brought my breathing to a standstill. His right wrist, as far as I could tell, was broken. Scratches and such could be mended, but we didn’t have any more stim-pacs for broken bones. A mixed blessing, meaning he would have to stay with us longer, but had to be looked after as well.

Mmmm… I would certainly enjoy being his nurse.

The thought almost clouded my mind as I saw the Night Stallions again.

“Daisy, what are they doing?”

“Shush, little sister. I need you to stay still for two…”

Bang-Bang!

“…seconds.” I almost moaned out as I watched the two stallions, their heads now a pasty mess on the ground and walls. I caught my breath as I watched my Jerry stand up, and began looking through the bodies. He took all the chems he could find and a police baton. He must not have used much of one of the chems, since after he stuck himself; he put it in his shirt pocket.

I watched him as he continued forward, and I smiled.

“Oh, I want him.” I whispered as I bit my lower lip.

“Keep your hands off him, Daisy. If he wants you, he’ll come to you.”

Spoken like a kid. But, maybe she is right. But I still want him.

“And keep your fingers on your rifle! I am not going to stand here while you clop behind me. It’s gross.”

“And your no fun, little sis.”

//////////////////////////////////////////////

I fucking love my job.

When you need heads slammed together, or bones broken, there is one stallion that you can count on for that.

“Sunburn…”

Damn, I can just hear the mares as they wait for me to grace them with my essence.

“Sunburn…”

I could care less that I’m doing this for some shit stain who can’t even take care of himself. The pink-skin mother fucker is probably a colt-cuddler, with how much he stuck around Dumbass and good ol’ B.S.

“SUNBURN, GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR BEFORE I BUCK YOU IN THE EMPTY SAC BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!”

“HOLY SHIT!” I couldn’t help but shout as I look back at B.S., her eyes staring daggers into me. Normally, a stallion like me wouldn’t be so disturbed by a mare like Bloody Sunday, but her eyes today. I couldn’t help but shiver. She may not be as strong as me, but she’d beat me to death if I didn’t do as she said. The Boss had split up with the Twins as we got close to the city. She didn’t tell me why, but I guess it isn’t really my place.

Of course, being stuck with B.S. and Dumbass, having to listen to them constantly, and all that shit did not make me happy.

I looked at my load out; A nice, heavy sledgehammer that I found in a shed in the town, and my sawed-off shotgun. Oh, hell is it fun getting up close and smashing the shit out of asshole’s! And it’s even better when you see their eyes flash from being happy little assholes to realizing that they are about to get Sunburned!

Yeah, that’s my catchphrase. Getting Sunburned!

I took the handle of the sledge in my mouth and pulled it out. Having such a big, heavy thing in your mouth would be hard for other ponies. But I’m Sunburn! There isn’t anything I can’t handle with my mouth!

…

…

Fuck. I’m glad I didn’t say that out loud.

The area around us only had like, two maybe four Night Stallions. The problem was that we were in a hollowed out building, and one of the fuckers had a plasma rifle with them. Don’t fucking know where the damn thing could have come from, but I did not want to be turned into a puddle of goo.

Now, any asshole can run from a fight. Sunburn, on the other hand, runs TO the fight. Fuck, I AM the fight!

I toss my hammer at the bucking fucker, and as he stumbles over his colt-cuddling hooves, I pull out my shot gun and…

Fucking Dumbass steals my kill! Uses his God damned rifle on him. He even shoots it like a griffon. Fucking ass, can’t even use his mouth to fire a damn gun.

“Hey, Sunburn, stop losing your hammer!” The asshole chuckles as he skips past me like a fucking mare.

“Fuck you, Dumbass!” Yeah. That’ll show him.

The other assholes ran away from the fight. Probably knew that I was coming to get them. Damn straight, they better run.

I walked over to my sledge hammer, the handle covered in blood. I leaned down and picked it up with my mouth, loving the taste of iron. I know that my mouth is going to be caked on with blood after this is all over.

I fucking love my job.

////////////////////////////////////////

My occupation brings me gratification.

That is one of the things I have to remind myself as I find myself fighting such plebeians. My real eye tracked the movement of the lone sniper as he tried to fly from rooftop to rooftop.

He thought that because he was a Pegasus that I wouldn’t notice him. Such a rookie mistake makes this next part so much more interesting.

My fake eye… I chagrin the use of the word “Cyber”, considering that it is such an unrefined term, can read him like a book. His heart rate is up. His breathing is far from steady. I can smell the Turbo he used to get this high. Two inches to the left will be good enough.

I maintain my grace as I felt the bullet fly past me, both eyes on my target.

There isn’t any reason to use a spell on him. Or even to use my… conventional weapons.

That’s why I enjoy walking the Twins.

I sit down, clearing my throat into my hoof.

“Girls… Play with the poor boy, will you?” I speak just loud enough to get to the two mare’s ears. I could never see them, as they enjoy “walking” just out of sight of everyone. But as Rip came close enough to me, I heard her giggle.

I made no attempt to make a shield as the foolish stallion aimed again at me, but his eyes met mine. I could tell, since his movements stopped. His heart-rate raised to unhealthy levels, and his breathing quickened, but he was in my trap.

Fear is a weapon that is best used sparingly. However, when you use it, make certain to use finesse.

With a handful of seconds of his life left, and the last thing I can make out as the Twins began to “play” was a plea to a God the fool ignored for his entire life. I stood back up and took out my revolver, loading it with hollow points.

Tonight, I was going to show my “neighbors” a new dawn to a day they will never be a part of. Tonight, I would see for myself what this human’s potential is.

I hope that he had chosen wisely.

///////////////////////////////

Running is never my strong suit. I mean, I’m not fit. Three hundred pounds was not meant to go very fast.

That being said, there is something about being chased around by a group of blood thirsty raiders (human or pony doesn’t matter) that gives me “encouragement” to keep going. But everyone has their limits. My bladder is said limit.

“I need to pee…” I muttered between gasps. I didn’t hear any hoof steps behind me, so I slowed down and looked at the buildings around me. I then saw it. A doughnut shop. And not just any doughnut shop. Donut Joe’s Donut Shop and Bakery!

“Oh, God… thank you…” I limped towards the door and stumbled into the boarded up windowed establishment. I was lucky that it wasn’t locked. I hoped that there was a clean-ish bathroom. Maybe a few Fallout Twinkies. You know what I DON’T want?

A sentry bot with two mini-guns for arms pointing at the door! “DEAR GOD!” I shouted as I curled up into a ball, waiting for… something. Five seconds passed, and I dared to peek up. The metal monster was unresponsive, despite the fact that it looked new. Well, newish. I uncurled myself and slowly walked towards the machine. I poked it, expecting it to rain hot lead on me.

I kind of felt stupid for doing it. Like, monkey poking a landmine with a stick stupid. Thankfully, I was not going to end up as a Darwin Awards nominee, at least not today.

“Note to self: do not touch robots. Hire other people to touch robots.” I mused as I looked around the room. Looking at where I was once standing, I noticed that the floor was riddled with bullet holes, and that the window to the door was not. My mind quickly came up with a hypothesis. Well, two. If the city was affected with a mind altering mega-spell, it wouldn’t affect machines… theoretically. (The Braintrons or whatever you want to call the rolling brain jars could be, if my theory was correct, and that would be… kind of nasty.) So the Mr. Handy’s could repair the store front. If it did, it would raise the question of why they didn’t fix the floor. Which brings the second hypothesis into the forefront.

There where survivors.

While my adventurers spirit wanted to look for clues, my bladder reminded me that I needed to pee. I waddled to the bathroom and, remembering bathroom edict, knocked on the door. Then I proceeded to face palm before opening the door.

My culture has not readied me for such emergencies. It’s readied me for flipping off rude drivers, complaining about stupid politicians, and blaming the dog for a rancid fart. It has not, to my knowledge, anything in place for post-apocalyptic toilet use.

Thankfully, no one(‘s remains) were inside, so I slipped in and, after putting the baton in arms reach… well… did what I needed to do. I then began thinking about why I didn’t actually use the pee bucket when I was in the closet. Or why I didn’t save the water.

I wasted perfectly good water! Cloudy, disgusting looking water, but it was better than nothing. I swallowed my spit as I let that sink in. For now on, I had to treat any moment where water is available as though as if it is the last… okay, maybe not “the Last”, but you guys get the gist.

I finished and looked at the sink. Thankfully, it looked like it was still working, so I didn’t have to resort to using “Rover’s Drinking Fountain”, especially after it was given a nice… I got to stop thinking about it. (Forgive me, Patches O’Houlihan. I cannot follow in your footsteps.) I cupped my good hand under the sink and took large slurps of water. I began to feel a whole lot better. Not, you know… bruises and burns being fixed better, but my HP bar was getting farther from the halfway point.

I stopped and grabbed hold of my baton, and began looking around the bakery, looking for anything of use.

Cash Register had a few bits in it, which I pocketed.

Found a safe that I couldn’t lock-pick, because of the lack of skill and hairpins.

Saw a computer that was still on, and no password. My Pip-Boy downloaded anything of use from it, so I can review it later.

Then I saw it. On the counter of the kitchen was a full box of Fancy Lad snack cakes! I couldn’t believe my eyes! My mouth suddenly watered as I walked towards the unopened box of- *Crunch*-

“What the…” I looked down, and then realized that I was currently stepping on the bones of some… guy.

“Oh… oh… Ewwwwww….” I gently stepped off the broken, dry bones and looked at them. At first I thought that someone had cut off the head of some guy and put a pony’s head on top, but then noticed the three fingered hands (That’s three fingers plus one thumb, by the way), very much like Daisy’s. My curiosity got the better of me as I knelt down and looked at the fingers. The bones where thicker, but not by much. He (I could tell because he was wearing what looked like a tattered suit) looked like he had been in a lot of pain during his last moments in life.

How, you may ask, would I know that since the poor sap was neigh but ash and bone? Because of the several broken ribs scattered around and the jaw that was shattered. My hypothesis was that he either got beat up horribly and crawled into the bakery to die, or he was shot by the Security Bot. I could only tell that the wounds where made before he died, not what caused them. And either way, it was a gruesome way to die.

Now, I will be forward to you guys on this, because you seem like the trustworthy sort. I kind of hoped that he deserved what he got. Not in the sense of Karma or God’s Judgement, but because… well, okay, maybe I am hoping it was God’s Judgement on the guy, but not like that. A jerk who did someone wrong, but then sacrificed himself to protect others sort of deal. You know, the kind of thing that could warm the heart a bit, making the idea of what I was seeing far more palatable.

Palatable…

Mmmmm… Donuts… Where are those Fancy Lads again?

“Focus, Fat Boy.” Discord said as he peeked back into my field of vision. I semi-ignored him as I took a few fancy lads out of the box and unwrapped them. “You shouldn’t eat too much of that.”

Like hell I won’t.

“So, you’re going to weight yourself down with sugary foods and hope it gives you a bit more oomph to your go?”

That’s the idea. You know, I should really be talking out loud for this. I mean, no one’s around. It’s not that weird to talk to yourself out loud.

“Where did you get that from?” Discord’s look on his face was twisted in slight confusion as I tried to remember. “It better be from some crackpot psychologist. I like them. They break a lot easier when you do the cigar trick on them.”

“What the hell is the Cigar Trick?” I suddenly regretted asking as I was reminded of the “disappearing Pencil” trick. I also regretted the fact that I said it out loud when I heard hoof steps outside.

“The hell was that?” A gruff voice carried in the air to me.

“Told you it wasn’t a good idea to talk out loud.”

Shut up, Discord.

“Oh, don’t get mad at me. Besides, I am helping you out. Just finished with half of my new gift to you.” Before I could ask anything else, I looked at the sentry bot and realized that on the HUD, there were instructions. “Hope you can work fast, Fat Boy. You’ll need to be if you want to activate the bot.”

Step One: Open panel on back.

Easy to do, since the back panel was already opened. I wonder why I didn’t notice it before?

Step Two: Insert red wire into Pip-Boy.

Same deal. Easy to do, since out of the various wires in the back, there was only one red wire, and it had a rather easy port on it, like a head phone jack. I inserted it into the Pip Boy, and then the third step lit up like a Christmas tree.

Step Three: Hold on for your life.

“Oh… crap.”

//////////////////////////////////

Dumbass and I chased after the group of Night Stallions down the street. It was pretty easy to get them on the run, even when handicapped with an idiot like Sunburn. However, besides the first two Raiders killed, we haven’t had any luck with cutting their numbers any more. I don’t like being lead around a city, and Dumbass could tell how anxious I was.

It would be easier if we had any clue as to where Jerry was. The easy way would be to wing one of the bastards and interrogate them, but I know that with Sunburn in his mood…

“I’m going to eat your spleen, you cock-bite!”

I’ll be lucky to have anything resembling a body if I try and incapacitate them.

Sunburn used his magic to levitate his shot gun around the side of the car he was crouching behind, firing it as he tried to look for a way towards the enemy across the street from us. Dumbass and I sat in a shop, trying to take pot shots. That was when I heard the clamor of hooves around the bend. Five more Night Stallions where making their way towards us, headed by a stallion who had to be five feet at the shoulders, wearing what probably was a bucket as neck protection. At least, that’s what I thought it was till I heard what he screamed.

“WHERE IS THAT FUCKING PINK APE!? HE’S GOING TO DIE LIKE THE LITTLE SHIT HE IS FOR PUTTING THIS THING ON ME!”

Heh. I wonder if I should tell him that making that kind of noise on the battlefield is a pretty stupid idea? Or that admitting to the fact you got tricked by a guy who’s experience in surviving in our world is counted by hours makes you look like a complete idiot? It would make him pissed, which would be fun. But I am being shot at right now.

“SUNBURN, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!” Dumbass shouted as he shot at the enemy. Sunburn grunted angrily as he dived into the shop behind me, sending glass all over the place.

“Damn it, Sunburn!”

“Hey, not my problem. I actually wear shoes on my hooves.”

“If you keep on talking like that, God and the Sisters help me, I will…”

“Shuuush…” Dumbass said as he tried to get our attention, pointing to his ears. I stopped talking and did the same as him, listening in. At first I only heard the laughing of the idiots out in the street as they explained the situation, but then I heard it again.

At first I thought it was a guitar, but something about it sounded disjointed, or just unnatural. Like the speakers in a supermarket where going out, but… intentional.

“Psycho-cho-cho-cho… Psycho, here we go!”

Sunburn’s mouth beat me to the punch with the question all three… maybe all of us in earshot had. “What the hell is that?“

The electric-guitar began to pick up, with drums giving a primal beat to it. Then the voice came.

“You push me till I break

and the anger turns to rage,

why won’t you just leave me alone?

You got your finger on the trigger

You think that you’re the winner

But your going to get kicked off of your throne-“

A sudden shuddering could be felt all around us as something hit against one of the store fronts. I risked a quick look and saw a robotic arm sticking out of a window, a mini-gun attached to it’s wrist, and aimed at the raiders as the song continued to play through the air. The muffled whirring of the mini-gun firing couldn’t overpower the song being played.

“You think your going to hurt me

Get ready to get dirty.

You created this beast inside-“

I retreated back to cover as I looked over at Dumbass. “Still got the Skeleton Key?”

Dumbass nodded as he rummaged through his pack and pulled it out. “Alright, won’t take too long to make him our little fri-…The hell?”

“What? What’s wrong?”

Dumbass looked back at me with a confused look on his face as he showed me the screen. On it was a simple sentence.

“Fat Boy on Board”

I couldn’t help myself as I tilted my head to the side. Sunburn looked over my shoulder and at the Skeleton Key. “… the Hell?”

The music continued as the Bad Dreams where either running away or being shot down by the massive robot, which was following the survivors quickly. As the mob and tormentor passed, I saw clinging on the back of the towering sentry bot Jerry, grabbing for dear life with a look of absolute terror on his face.

“… the Hell!?”

//////////////////////////////

I have seen a lot in my short life. I know how a still beating heart of a full grown stallion looks like. I have heard the sound somepony makes when a low grade explosive is shoved up a very tender opening and they are not going to blow up. I’ve heard the sound somepony makes when a low grade explosive is shoved up a very tender opening and it IS going to blow up.

I have never seen a pudgy human grabbing hold to the back of a sentry bot chasing after a group of raiders as some sort of foreign music is being belted out of somewhere, yet nowhere in particular.

“Daisy… are you-“I asked my big sister as she leaned over me with her rifle, her mouth open.

“Yes.”

The silence was palpable as we watched what was going on.

“He’s really favoring his left hand right now, isn’t he?” I noticed as the Sentry Bot turned sharply around a corner.

“Well, he probably broke his right arm when he fell.”

“HE FELL!? WHEN!” I could feel my eyes bulge as I turned to Daisy. I was not going to have her shi-

“Shush, little sis. Your moving too much.” Her fingers griped hold of my head and turned it fast yet gently forward. “It was before I covered his ample backside.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She sighed as she tapped my shoulder, telling me to cover my ears. I did as I was signaled to do as she fired two shots at an unknown target. “Because I need you as my spotter. You’re starting to lose your focus now. Come on, little sis. We all want to see him walk out of this. Well… maybe not Sunburn, but he’s an asshole.”

I didn’t know if she was saying that to make me feel better or if she really meant it, but I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. I stayed still, looking out onto the city, and found The Boss standing on the other side of the city, her revolver glowing next to her as she hid behind a cement wall. I bit my lip as I watched her, but I knew that telling Daisy about it would be a moot point. The Boss never liked having help when she got involved.

I just shook my head as I looked back at where Sunday and Dumbass where, and could make out that they had ran to follow Jerry. I smiled a bit as I watched her go after him, and could tell that they could get him out of this problem.

This left me wondering one thing. How the hell had he managed to get on the back of the Sentry Bot?

//////////////////////////////////////////

Oh, Lord, don’t let me loose my fancy lads over the nice robot.

“Told you not to eat them.”

I wasn’t in any shape to actually argue with the Chaos spirit. The Bot was going a lot faster than I thought he was going, and doing a fairly good job at keeping them on the run. Regretfully, because the Sentry Bot didn’t have any concept of “don’t run over the dead bodies”, I couldn’t look down, leaving me looking up at the sky as I struggled to keep my lunch down.

“Jerry? What the hell are you doing up there?” I heard a very familiar voice call out to me. I looked behind me as much as I could, and saw Sunday.

I don’t know how to explain it. I could feel my eyes water up as I saw her and DA. I mean, I’ve known them for barely a day, but knowing that they were there for me was… was… heart achingly amazing. It also lead me doing one of the stupidest things I have done in the last fifteen minutes.

I used my right arm, the one that I had decided during the last big turn was probably more than just sprained, to hold onto the bot as I looked back. “SUNDAY! DA! Thank God! These guys did… and then the room… and the bucket!” I was on the verge of bawling when a sudden jerk made me fall off the bot’s back, disconnecting my Pip-boy from the bot.

Sunday was the first by my side, and hugged me around my neck. I almost didn’t care about the fact it was hard for me to breath. Before I could complain, however, she let go of my neck and smacked me on the shoulder. “Don’t ever do that again, you stupid pink fat man! You know how worried you made Ragdoll?”

“Sorry, Sunday.”

D.A. Came next, and punched me in the other arm. “And don’t you ever smack my ass like that again, man. Just not cool.” Before I could apologize, DA replaced Sunday’s vice-like grip with his own neck hug.

“Gaaaay…” Sunburn shouted from a safe distance. DA stopped hugging me and glared at him.

“Hey! Get your ass over here and say that to my face!”

“Dumbass! Not now!” Sunday shouted as she looked back at the Bot, which was slowly starting to wind down.

“Oh, well… that’s not good.” I said with a slight waiver in my voice as I stood up. DA grabbed hold of my right arm as I stood up, then looked at Sunday.

“Broken ulna… probably tripped and fell onto his arm.” He looked back at me. “You got any weapon on you?”

I pulled out my baton with my left hand, and the groaning from DA and Sunday would be considered legendary if it wasn’t for the music that was still playing. “Hey, it was the best I could get after they took my pistol.”

Sunday hurried me away as her aura put the baton on my right arm and used a stip of cloth from a nearby “former” Night Stallions jacket to tie the stick to my arm as an impromptu brace. “Don’t try anything, you hear? We’re getting you out of here.”

I nodded as the three of us walked past Sunburn, who had a weird smile on his face as he looked behind us. The Night Stallions had almost been completely wiped out, save for three. Big Red and two other earth ponies that did not look like push overs. The Sentry Bot didn’t stand a chance as the three tore one of the mini-guns off it’s arm and started beating it with it. I was looking at it, with my own two eyes, and I still couldn’t believe it!

“Thanks for leaving me with three of the weaklings, Pinkie. I hope that you realize how much of an honor it is to have me save your gargantuan ass.” He smirked as he held onto his sledge hammer in his teeth.

“You know… looking at my ass is kind of gay, dude.” I rebutted with a smirk of my own.

He didn’t respond. I don’t know if he heard me, but after DA, Sunday and I turned the corner, I heard a howl I had only heard from a starving wolf in video games, and a sickening thud like meat being hit by a slab of concrete.

“It’s going to be messy on that street, isn’t it?” I asked Sunday.

She nodded as she let me lean onto her. “Those three didn’t even stand a chance.”

///////////////////////////////

Three stallions. The one in the middle with the weird collar is definitely going to be the harder one to fight, but if I focus on him, I’m open to the other two. Kind of makes my choices easier.

I stood my ground as I looked at the three slowly walk towards me after they three the mini-gun on top of the corpse of one of their friends, letting the sound of his insides turning to mush echo through the streets. The one on the left had a slight limp in his rear leg.

A nice place to start.

The Stallion on the left had been coughing a bit. Probably from smoking.

Another nice place to start.

I decided to settle this problem the best way I knew how. The Sunburn Equation of Pain and Suffering.

First, look at my enemy. Then add in my trademark grin, with plenty of my currently blood stained pearly whites gripping my weapon of choice.

“Goddesses… what the hell is wrong with him?”

Right one is freaked out, his eyes looking at me with disgust as he tried to ready himself with his attack, but he’s freaking out just the same.

Second, I begin to laugh. Not just any kind of laugh, though. The kind I found out could make anypony shudder with fear.

“Gehehehehe…. GEHEHEHEHEHEHE!”

The left one backed off. I just got my plan ready. Just need the finishing touch.

I shouted at the top of my lungs the first bullshit thing that came to mind (I never remember what I say, but the last time, Daisy told me I said something about bicycles made of meat) as I lunged at the Stallion to my right. I got on my hind legs as I swung my body around, my neck bracing for the force of my hammer trying to escape my grasp. The Stallion couldn’t even move, his eyes widen as the head of my sledgehammer connected with his neck. I felt his neck break as I sent the corpse flying towards the red one. I felt a sudden surge of adrenalin as I skidded to a halt, still turning as the rest of the energy from my swing dissipated. I turned to the next stallion, the one right across the street, and ran at a full sprint to him. I bowed my head low as my horn glowed, and as I slid between his legs, he instinctively jumped up just in time to meet the shotgun blast from my gun I managed to keep floating behind me.

His brain just went EVERYWHERE!

Man, was it funny. I turned to the last one, who… didn’t look phased at all.

“I fucking don’t have time for this shit.” He grabbed hold of the body of the first stallion in his jaws and threw him right at me. I rolled away as he threw something at his feet. Before I could tell what it was, it burst into smoke, and I was left coughing and wheezing as the fucking asshole made his escape!

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!”

/////////////////

The streets where rather calm, to my surprise. I followed my fake eye’s directions as I could make out three heat signatures from a nearby building. By what I could tell, it was the remains of a school. I stood at the entrance as I kept my eyes on the windows.

“Girls, go to Daisy and Ragdoll. Make sure they are safe.”

Rip managed to peek out from a trashcan near me, looking sad. “Boss? You not die yet, right?”

I smiled as warmly as I could at her. “No, little one. I won’t die yet. I promised you two that I would let you drink my blood while it was warm, not when it is cold and stale.” A sentence I had grown too used to. I had already lamented that years ago.

Rip smiled back at me as she motioned for her sister to follow. I didn’t bother to watch them leave. They knew how to follow orders.

I walked to the schools doors, ready for movement at the windows. I got to the door and felt the arcane workings of a hex. It was a low level affair that I managed to wipe away with a wave of my horn, but I could feel that I had made a mistake. One of the figures I saw perked it’s head up, like a bird would when it heard an uncertain noise. Most likely, she had layered a connection spell on the hex. Any kinds of tampering would have alerted her, and since it was such a low key affair, I would have had to have been looking for it to find it.

I had no intentions of actually looking for such things, however. I had no intentions of keeping a low profile. I kicked the door open and rushed into the room. I could feel the hum of a magical bolt passing through a horn as it shot out over my head. I managed to get to a wall, and looked at my surroundings.

It was an old lobby, dirt clinging to most surfaces including the lockers against the walls. I made my way to a door labeled simply “lobby”. The room was devoid of the attacker I dodged moments before. I could feel that this was the best way to get to my objective.

I slid into the room as I heard hoof steps. The lobby was a mess. What was once the secretary’s desk was upturned and torn to pieces. A gaping hole was in the wall leading to a nearby classroom as the ceiling of the Headmaster’s office had collapsed. I peered into the classroom and saw the remains of several ponies thrown about. At first I didn’t pay it any mind as I stepped forward. It wasn’t till I was halfway into the room that I had noticed the small limbs on the now dried corpses.

It would be easy to tell that this was remnants from the war that the Bad Dreams had simply refused to get rid of. That was till I smelled the scent of more recent rotting.

I didn’t bother looking for it. Bad Dream’s were notorious in killing their offspring, especially colts. There was no reason to kill them for someone I didn’t know. Children dying in the wasteland was normal.

I hated reminding myself that, but it was a sad truth.

I saw the figure that fired at me returning to the others rather quickly. If I had to make a guess, they were in the classroom across the hall from my current location. As I made my way to the door to the hallway, I began to hear what was being said by the Night Mare.

“Fucking bitch must have teleported! I didn’t see here in the hallway.”

An exasperated sigh came from the taller form. “You did check the lobby, didn’t you?”

A moment of silence passed. I heard something being lifted up in the air and smack the other mare hard. I grinned as the first mare gasped at whatever new wound she received.

“Go check! I don’t want anypony walking in on me while I do the ceremony!”

Ceremony? Bad Dreams weren’t known for any kind of cult-like activities. Just mindless attacks and bedlam. What kind of ceremony would they find the need to keep even their groups survival at risk?

“Alright, alright… but I still think we should have gone with using the human as soon as we got him instead of using Night Shade’s little shit.”

Night Shade was the third Night Mare, if I wasn’t mistaken. That would mean that the third form I was seeing on the floor was a filly. But that didn’t make any sense. The heat signature I was seeing was the size of a full grown mare.

Before I could go further into my thought process, I heard a small group making their way towards the school. I looked and saw three figures. Two ponies and a human. I bit my bottom lip as I stifled a curse. That was when I made out the sound of music playing. I could make out the words, but just barely.

“Circus for a Psycho!”

“Damn it, Jerry, can you turn that off?”

“I don’t even know how it turned on.”

The first Night Mare giggled quietly as her horn began to activate. It didn’t take much to tell what she was going to do. I had a choice to make. I knew that they where not prepared for a fight, and I was putting the three in danger, but I needed to know what the second Night Mare was up to.

I would have to trust them.

I finally began to hear the muffled whimpering from the filly as I opened the door. The door to the room across the hall was open, showing the second Night Mare as she stood over a bundled up pile of fur. She held a Ripper in her aura, ready for something. “If we got the human, then we don’t need you.”

I didn’t know what came over me. I pride myself in the manner that I control my baser instincts, but as I heard that, my magic surged as a chair flew up from behind her and hit her in the back of her head. Instead of knocking her out, she stumbled over the filly and out of my sight. The Ripper laid on the floor near the filly.

“Gaaah…. What the hell?” She grunted. I looked and saw where the other Night Mare was at, and saw that she, as well as Jerry, Sunday and Dumbass were already on the other side of the school. I made my way out of the room I was and leaned against the opposite wall. I wanted the mare alive.

“Ooh hoho… I see you…” She sang in a wicked tone as I saw her horn flash. The wall behind me burst apart, and I felt heat and pain on my flank. Instead of turning to the attacker, I brought my revolver up and entered the room, fireing at the figure that ran out into the hallway I was once in.

Two shots, two misses.

I managed to get the Ripper into my aura as I kept my fake eye on my target, who was now making her way back to the door. I stood my ground, feeling my back legs shaking. I wouldn’t be running away. And it was for the better. The energy for my fake eye was dwindling to unhealthy levels.

The Night Mare stood at the door, a shield up as she looked in at me. “You are a tricky little bitch.” Another figure appeared from the other opening. An exact duplicate of the Night Mare in the doorway. I inwardly cursed my luck as I brought the two weapons up, pointing at the two figures. I couldn’t hold onto both and create a shield, so I was left vulnerable as both of my eyes darted to both figures. “Of course, I’m a pretty tricky Bitch myself.”

////////////////////////

“Hey there, sweetie!”

“Oh, hell…” I mumbled to myself as I looked around the room. Jerry was gasping for air as he looked at Sunday. She brought her shotgun up and aimed it around.

The damn music continued to play, and I could tell that it was getting on both Sunday and Jerry’s nerves. Jerry gritted his teeth as he looked around the room. ”Come on, Discord… shut the music off so I can concentrate!”

“Jerry?”

He didn’t pay any attention to me, but did look behind us, to the front door. “Behind us, aim at the knob!”

I was surprised that Sunday didn’t ask any questions. She simply turned and shot, leaving a large hole in the door and a very agitated Jerry. “Damn it! It was right there!”

“It? Oh, Pink Boy, that is such a mean thing to say.” The voice was like the song, not coming from any one direction.

“Sorry, Buddy, but we really can’t tell much about you from just your voice. It’s kind of hard to tell what you are.” I said. Jerry and Sunday looked at me, a bit confused, till we all heard the slight growl in the air. We began to limp towards a hallway, Jerry standing on his own now letting me get on my feet. We began to speed up, me and Sunday staying on both sides of Jerry as he scanned the area.

“If you can’t say anything nice, BOY, don’t say anything at-“

“Ten o’clock! High!”

I shot up at the ceiling, letting debris fall down. A slightly ghostly figure covered in grime could be seen.

“DAMN IT!” It ran down the hallway quickly, and we began to hear the sounds of hooves on steps. We followed as quickly as we could up the stairs.

“Heh… kind of nice knowing that I don’t need a gun to be helpful.” Jerry said with a chuckle.

“Don’t congratulate yourself yet, Jerry Boy! We ain’t leaving here till that Night Mare is down!” Sunday said with a smile.

I don’t know why, but it feels good working with both Sunday and Jerry. I mean, I know why I love working with Sunday. We’ve been working together for years, even before the Boss came. One day working with him, though, and things just clicked. Like he was always supposed to be with us. I don’t just mean working with me and Sunday, either. I don’t know, maybe I’m thinking too much into things. I know that he makes Sunday happy, and that’s a feat all in its own right.

Maybe it’s because of Wick. I think once the day is done, I’m going to tell Jerry about him. I doubt that he’s going to leave us any time soon, so it might be a good idea to tell him about our life. It would be-

“Six o’clock! Low!”

I shot my rifle ahead of me as I heard clopping and curses. “I think we’re getting to her!”

A sudden explosion rocked the school building. Nothing was crumbling, which was a good thing, but it reminded me that we needed to keep ourselves focused. Who know what is going on here. Sunday kept to the right side of the hallway as I kept to the left. Jerry crouched, but insisted on staying in the center. As we walked forward, we heard the laughing as Jerry brought his arms out, as though as if he was in the dark.

That was when we heard it.

*Crack!*

Everyone froze and looked around at the walls and the ceiling. But then we looked at the floor. In a near perfect circle around Jerry was a dark green aura.

“Lets see how you two assholes do without your eyes!” The cackling voice rang out through the hallway as the aura dissipated. Jerry didn’t have time to jump off, but he did the second best thing. He bent his legs and braced himself as he brought his arms close to his body, protecting his vital areas as he fell.

Was it horrifying seeing him fall? Fuck yes it was! But after a few seconds of waiting, we heard moaning from the hole. I walked over and after looking around for any signs of a further ambush, looked down the hole. The son of a bitch was still standing on top of the rubble, shivering from the burst of adrenaline.

“Hey, Jerry, you dead?” I yelled down.

“Yeah, man…” He said in a weird accent. He looked around himself and giggled oddly. “And so is the other Night Mare…”

“WHAT!? Oh, Fuck me!” The target said as she de-cloaked, running to the hole, totally ignoring me and Sunday. One look down, and her jaw dropped. “Oh, I am soooooo screwed… I give up!”

“Sorry, lady, we don’t take prisoners.” I raised my gun up to her head as she raised her hooves up to defend herself.

“Dumbass, stand down.” A strong voice came from the hole, as well as a yelp from Jerry. “We’ve got things to settle.”

Author's Note

Circus for a Psycho - By Skillet
Yeah, it's a long one. I might make big changes to it in the near future (Don't like the ending that much, myself) but I've been keeping you guys waiting. It's a long one. Probably the longest one I've done. Proud about that.
Anyways, I hope you guys like it! Action will go down a bit as I put some flavor on this huge slab of meat I just put in front of you. You see any problems, don't be shy. Tell me what's missing or wrong, and I'll get on it.

Chapter Six: DON'T SUE ME, HASBRO!

Montgomery, Missouri
It’s been two days.

He’s been gone for two days.

Dad’s already called the cops, and they have started to look for him, but I’ve been getting the worse feeling in the pit of my stomach recently.

Dad’s been doing his best. Keeping a stiff upper lip, but we can all feel it. I’m surprised that Yuri’s been behaving as well as he has. Ted even kids a bit about how Jerry got abducted by aliens or sent to that show he watches, like those stories he sometimes talks about he finds online.

The problem is that with everything that’s been going on, the only sign anything bad had happened recently was a set of tire tracks on the road stopping suddenly and a strange scortchmark. It was like someone made a bonfire on the road, and the car just stopped right before it. We can’t tell if it was Jerry’s car, but I can’t help but think it was.

I went downstairs for breakfast. I was the first one out of the five… four of us to do so. Thank God it’s a Saturday. No school, no work. Just me sitting around and playing some games or hanging out with my friends… at least that was the plan.

I looked at the table as I made my breakfast and sat down. I looked at the hardwood table top as I looked at the names we etched into the wood to show who sat where, with one area left blank. We made the table ourselves when me, Yuri and Ted got old enough to hammer in nails.

Dad cussed up a storm when his thumb got hit three times helping us.

Jerry wasn’t very good with the cutting and all that, so he was the one who came up with the idea of carving our names into the table and took care of the staining.

The only problem we had was that one of the legs where half an inch short, so we have to use an old coaster to keep it from wobbling, but besides that, it’s a great table.

I fought to keep my mind away from darker places, like what we would do if he is…

No, I have to focus on what is going on right now. How is the cereal I’m eating? I think it’s Cheerio’s, but it’s kind of mushy now.

I take a spoonful of it and bring it to my mouth.

The milk is warm, and I can’t swallow it, so I spit the mash back into my bowl. Looking at the clock, I realize that I had been looking at the table for a full hour.

“Why did you have to yell at him, Kenny?” I berated myself as I brought the bowl to the kitchen to wash it out. I know that the argument we had a few nights ago had nothing to do with what happened, but…

…but he’s gone.

////////////////////////////

My legs hurt. My knees are shot. And I feel like my heart is going to tear out of my chest. That being said, this is actually the high point for me. I can actually sit down and rest. Well, when I can bend my legs, I’ll be able to sit down.

I waddle off the pile of rubble, not looking at what was making the squishy sound, as I saw Flure looking right at me. She had a weird look on her face. I’d almost think it was fear, but I doubt that. I looked at the room, and noticed that it was actually a lot more of a mess than I thought it would be, you know, for someone “dropping in”.

I know it was a bad joke, but I’m going to chalk that up to the endorphins.

“Are you alright, Jerry?” She asked me with a concerned tone to her voice. A lot more than I thought she would have for me after only a day, but I smiled at her and nodded. I looked on the floor and saw a filly on the ground, bound in ropes.

“B-boss, is she…?”

She pulled out a small knife and handed it to me with her magic, a small smile on her face. “No, she’s alive.” She didn’t say anything else as she left the room, most likely to meet up with Sunday and DA up the stairs. I focused on the small body in front of me, looking over her carefully.

She was a bundle of gray fur as I slowly cut the bindings on her legs and muzzle. I was surprised how still she kept as I finished freeing her. Her eyes were almost lifeless. They were a green that was horribly muted as she looked at me. It was like she was asking me to end it. I can’t imagine what this little girl had to put up with.

“There we go. On your feet.” I fought the tears and anger I wanted to give to the Bad Dreams as I helped the little one to her hooves. She looked at her hooves with a look of defeat and shame.

“Hey, kiddo. Don’t look so sad. You don’t have to worry about them hurting you again.” I tried to reassure her as I patted her back. She didn’t even try to get away from me. I looked down at the ground as I tried to come up with something. She lived in a world without love, without warmth. How do you reach someone who has had so much horrible things happen to them?

She needed someone to care for her. I picked her up and set her on my back. It surprised her a bit. I could tell from a small yip she gave as I rested her behind my head, like I was letting her play piggy back. “What’s your name, Kiddo?”

She didn’t answer, but I almost felt like she couldn’t answer it. I reached back and scratched underneath her jaw as her head rested on my left shoulder. She finally showed some kind of signs of actual warmth. “No name, huh? Well, I’ll call you… Rebecca. Are you alright with that?”

She slowly nodded her head as I stopped scratching her chin. Her hooves tightened slightly as I moved my body around on the floor. Soon, I was laying on my stomach as Rebecca laid on my back, tears slowly dropping down on me. “Yeah, it’s okay to cry, Kiddo. It shows a lot of strength to show that you are hurting.” I told her as she began to nuzzle against me. I smiled as I closed my eyes for a bit. “I’ll be here when you need me. Just wake me up when you do.”

I didn’t realize how tired I was till my eyes almost slammed shut, and I began to actually sleep.

///////////////////////////////////

Hello, faithful readers from other dimensions! I’d like to welcome you to my portion of the story. Discord’s point of view, or P.O.V., if you will.

Now, at the moment, my P.O.V. is black as night, as the Fat Boy had closed his eyes. Now, you may think that dear Luna was the only creature (from our reality, at least) that could interact with others in their sleep. Oh, but you would be sorely mistaken. See, I get some very refreshing ideas when I take strolls through people’s subconscious, even some grand new pranks to play on others.

Regretfully, I have other matters to attend to.

I used a smidge of chaotic energy from my host to open a link. But not the kind of link you would assume I would make in the dream scape.

Before I continue, I have a question for you, dear readers. Where do stories come from? Now, this isn’t to belittle or diminish the authors of such great bits of fiction such as Carrol or Twain, but all stories have, no matter how fictitious it is to you, a hint of other realities. The writers and storytellers are a bit more in connection to other realms than one would think. This is one reason why writers of fiction seem so out of it at times, or are just plain nuts, but in a good way.

Now, with this connection, someone like me can use the subconscious to go from world to world. Now, while Fat Boy isn’t a writer, he is something just as good. He’s from out of town!

Oh, Joy! (And I say that unironicly, by the by)

As I settle in Fat Boy’s subconscious, I realized that I had to stay near his spirit, or his zoa, if you will. Regretfully, this settling manifested as my top portion of my body being attached to him by his wrist where the blasted Pip-Boy would be. This is something that I would have to deal with at a later point.

I began to move myself and Jerry’s zoa through the mists of his mind till we began to reach the corridors connecting all the dreamscapes of the known realms. (Known realms as relative to myself. If I was to be fair, I could probably have more connections if I put the effort to it. Why, I remember walking these corridors with Luna. It would make these seemingly endless corridors seem insignificant, but I digress). I moved “us” forward, but it didn’t take long before Jerry stirred awake. He couldn’t do anything more than talk and witness what I was doing, but I wished that he stayed asleep.

“Where are we?” He asked.

I didn’t have time to explain everything, but I did answer him. “Long story short? We’re in the dreamscape, and we’re going to talk with a few friends.”

His mind, as I could tell, was swimming with questions as we continued forward, and while the confusion was a kind of chaos I enjoyed, it was akin to junk food. I needed substance, and all the technical work I used on the glorified wrist watch did drain me considerably. The resulting fight just barely evened out what I used. “Just so you know, this is how your dreams are going to be like for a while, so please, don’t embarrass me with too many questions, at least till after you wake up.”

“No promises.”

Oh, now this is going to be interesting.

We continued down the corridors till we finally came to the entrance.

“Is that a window?” Jerry asked as he looked at the portal.

“Yes. Doorways are far too boring and predictable. Windows?” I laughed as I snapped my fingers to open the window. “They are far from that. Plus, it always feels like I’m sneaking into someone’s home, ready to do something mischievous.”

“Or peeping in on people during “private time”. Don’t you think that’s a bit… pervy, old man?” Jerry asked as we climbed through the window.

“Oh, now you’re into giving me nicknames?”

“It’s not like you’ve been afraid to give me a few… like “Fat Boy” or “Lard Butt”.” He huffed at me in a whisper.

“I have never called you Lard Butt.” I corrected. Yes, I gave Jerry the new Title on his pip boy, but I never verbally called him it. Thankfully, he didn’t bother rebuking me as we stood up. The room we were in was almost completely dark, save for the window and a small sphere of light ahead of us that showed the marble floor beneath our feet. We walked forward to it as I heard giggling from the darkness. Jerry, unaccustomed to it, began to turn his head (the only movement he had control of) trying to keep track of the source.

We stepped into the light as I grinned.

“Hello, my friends, fiends and fellows of chaos! It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?” I said with a grin, my arms spread open as I looked into the darkness.

“Oh, is that Discord I hear?” A voice, more of a hiss than anything else, could be heard as someone moved forward, stopping just at the rim of the light. His long, raven black hair laid down to his shoulders as his hands went to his jeans. His pale skinned torso was seen as his crimson red eyes glowed at us. “And which one is it this time?”

“Randal Flagg…” Jerry gasped as he looked at him. He thought of him only as the monster from a novel, a boogie man. He was fortunate to not know the truth.

“Oh, stop it Flagg. Your starting to get on my nerves.” Another figure began to walk to the edge, this one with a long brown trench coat, white shirt and black tie. In his mouth was a lit cigarette, and a trail of smoke came out. His eyes glowing blue as he gave a half hearted wave at us. “Discord. Your other versions aren’t going to be here. At least not till they take care of something. I think another funeral happened.”

“Oh! Constantine, come on! Don’t tell me I’m missing out!” I hate missing out on a Discord funeral! And I still need to figure out how many of the versions have died. I still couldn’t feel the others yet.

“Where did you get this interesting specimen, Discord?” A voice snuck past us all and settled behind Jerry and I. I looked back and saw the wide, toothy grin from one of my dearest friends.

“Cheshire, so good to see you. Did you lose weight?” I complimented as I dragged Jerry over to the side closest to Cheshire.

“I wish I could say the same, Dissy… it’s been rough recently. There has been so many imbalances in order that it’s even affecting us.” Cheshire said, a hint of pity in his voice. I looked at the three figures around us and realized something was off.

“What’s been going on? Is something wrong with the other Discords?”

Randal chuckled darkly as he stepped into the light. “You could say that. You know, I got a few Equu’s under my belt now. Some of the Discords couldn’t handle it. It was kind of sad when they just… Poof!” His hands pantomimed an explosion as he looked at me. “Think that will be a problem in your little cat box?”

“No, it won’t be a problem.” I lied. I was hoping that I could get some much needed chaotic energy into my system. “Why did you need to take over, anyways, Flagg?”

He smiled. Row after row of sharp, grinding, serrated teeth could be seen, and I heard Jerry pray. Flagg heard it, and he stepped back, glaring at Jerry as his smile vanished. “You know, boy, the last person who wouldn’t stop talking like that-“

“Ended up blowing you to Kingdom Come.” Constantine finished with a smile of his own.

“Can you give Discord some added energy?” Jerry asked as he looked at Constantine. “He’d be kind of useless to me if he isn’t at one hundred percent.” He tried to keep Flagg in his peripheral vision as he asked.

“I’m not a creature of Chaos, mate. I’m more of a delegate. You know… sort of making sure the more unwanted elements of Chaos are kept in check.” His eyes turned to Flagg for a moment, then back towards me and Jerry. “I can talk with a few neutral demons and fea, but as it stands, you’re going to have to wait till you get a hold of your other versions.”

Randal continued glaring at us from the shadows. Jerry had unwittingly made me a target of his now. I’d have to explain it to him later.

Cheshire, on the other hand, was rummaging for something from his fur. It didn’t take long for him to pull out a strange fruit. He tossed it to me and smiled before he poofed out of existence, leaving behind that name sake smile of his. “Thank you, friend…” I thought as I looked at the fruit, one that looked like a mutant fruit from the Equestrian wasteland. Most likely a hint of some sort. I began to examine it, and felt it pulsating with chaotic energy.

“Jerry, it’s time for you to wake up.” I made him turn back to the window, and we made our way out. Before I closed the window, I looked at Constantine and Randal. “It was nice seeing you again. I’ll be back tonight. Hope to see you again, Delegate Constantine… you, not so much, Mr. Flagg.” With that, I made Jerry run as fast as his zoa would allow him to. “Looks like you’re going to get an upgrade to the Pip Boy a bit early.” I put the mutant fruit into Jerry’s mouth. “Long story short is… use these to replenish chaos energy. Think you can handle that?”

His face grimaced as we were back in the mists. “These things taste horrible… You really expect me to eat these to feed you?”

“So you don’t like the help I gave you?”

He kept quiet. The boy isn’t bright, but he can at least put two and two together.

I can feel the chaos energy flowing through him, and as I returned to my “prison”, I go to work. I did not know much about computers when I was first put into this situation, but over the years I had to learn, or I would have gone insane so long ago. His eyes opened as I put a third bar beneath his Health and Action bar, simply labeled “C”.

Now it’s time for me to actually rest. Hopefully the fat boy will keep himself alive.

///////////////////////////////////////////

Jerry went to sleep very quickly. I could tell that he was going to need time to recover, even if there are Stim Pacs in the area. I couldn’t help but shake my head and smile to myself as the little filly curled up on his back.

It reminded me of happier times, before the war.

I gently shook my head again after looking over the rubble. I couldn’t help but think about the possibilities of something like this… the trap backfiring on the Bad Dreams, Jerry and the others just so happening to walk to this building, and even me getting here before they could kill the filly. I have no belief in chance. I have seen too much of how an act of hatred can lead to the death of many, and how an act of kindness could lead to saving a nation. But with that, I cannot say it is Providence.

I walked past the rubble and made my way up to where Sunday and Dumbass where. They both stood over the now disarmed Night Mare. She was looking at the hole, her eyes almost glued to it with a rather strange smile on her face as she sat against the wall. Dumbass stood across from her, the hole staying between him and her as he stood on his hind legs and held the stock of his rifle against his shoulder.

Sunday, her magic holding her shotgun up to “encourage” compliance from our new friend, looked back at me. “How is Jerry, Boss?” She asked, her voice filled with concern for her friend.

“He is laying down, and is being looked after by somepony. I can handle our friend here. You can go and see to them.” I ordered with as much warmth as I could muster.

Sunday smiled as she made her way to the hole and jumped down it. A truly wreak less move on her part, but I suppose I could excuse it for now. I turned my attention back to the Night Mare, forcing her face to look up at me. Her eyes darted for a while before resting on my eyes.

“You get one chance at this, Raider. If you answer my questions well enough, you get to run along, off into the wasteland. We won’t have anything more to do with you, as long as you don’t try coming back to get us. Got it?” My voice returned to the coldness I was used to.

I gave her enough control to move her head. She nodded as she kept her eyes locked on me.

“Good. Now, first question. Why did you want the Human?”

The Night Mare’s lips quivered for a bit, till she smiled. “H-he was going to be sold after we got what we wanted from him.”

“What did you want from him?” I asked as I leaned forward, dragging her face towards mine.

“B-blood! Blood for the-“ She stopped herself as she pulled away. “He’s going to kill me…” I was surprised at how she managed to pull out of my magical grasp. “He’s going to find out we couldn’t get it, and he’s going to kill me!” She looked right at me, and I saw it in her eyes. It was like blood had pooled around her eyes, slowly drowning her iris as she began to shiver. “Oh, God! He’s going to skin me alive, then use my bones to drain him of his blood! He’s going to make a drinking skin from my hide and kill them all!” She was panicking. This wasn’t just the ravings of a mad mare.

I struck her across her face with my hoof to calm her down. She began to sob, the blood from her eyes receding as she looked down at the hole again. “Get a hold of yourself and tell me who he is!”

She didn’t respond right away, but after a minuet of calming down, she looked back up at me. “I-I don’t know his real name but he’s Human. I never met him face to face… Night Shade and Nightingale did… but I just called him Brother Blood.” She looked back at the hole. “He made a promise to us. Blood for power. The better the blood, the greater the power.”

I glared at the mare as my horn glowed. I do not take kindly to such deals. Not for the ones who make them, nor to the ones who accept them. “Thank you for being forthright with the information.” A sharpened metal nail slowly made its way to the back of the unicorn’s neck. She wouldn’t feel anything if I did this right. “You can leave n-“

The nail didn’t even make it to five inches before it melted. It was as though as if I was pressing a stick of butter against a glowing hot frying pan, the molten metal running off her skin to pool around her. Weather she noticed it or not, I could not tell, but Dumbass did. He was better at keeping calm than many of the other group give him credit for. His muscles tightened, but aside from that, he didn’t show any signs of surprise.

The Mare looked up at me, slightly confused and afraid. I cleared my throat, and knew that I could not attempt that again, much to my chagrin. “…as I was saying, you may leave now.”

The Mare looked up at me, cowering a bit as she stood up. “You… you’re serious? No trap?”

She didn’t notice it. She is far too foolish to play the fool now, and if she knew of what I did… the implications of her having a passive shield did not sit well with me. “No trap.” I ground out between my teeth.

She began to walk towards the stairs, still shaking, till she took her first step down, then went to a full blown sprint.

The door to the front could be heard echoing through the door as her galloping and sobbing rang out through the air, as did two shots of sniper fire. The galloping continued to mock me as I growled to myself.

“Faustian trades only lead to hellfire.” My father once told me that. I hate that I could not tell if I was the one who would end up in said fires because I could not get rid of… her. However, I should not worry about such things. Not yet, at least.

“Boss… what happened?” Dumbass finally asked as he brought his rifle down.

“We have too much to take care of now, Dumbass. Look through the school, especially in the nurses lounge. Look for Stim-packs, health potions, even healing powder. Jerry is going to need to walk out of the city on his own. We’re only going to lead him back. Understand?”

Dumbass looked at me, wanting to know what was going through my mind. My gaze met his and he quickly crumbled and went looking for what I asked him to find. I turned back to the hole in the floor and jumped down. I looked over at Jerry, laying on his stomach as the filly curled up on his back. Sunday was nearby, looking on with a smile on her face. She looked up at mine, and still smiled. “So… are we keeping the kid? Or what?”

I looked back at the filly and shook my head. “No… we can’t afford to keep her fed. I think we’ll have to take her to Buck ‘et Town. A good Orphanage is there. Plus, it is close enough. I’m sure that our newest member is going to want to see her more often.” I felt the look on Sunday’s face changed. She was happy that Jerry was staying with us, to be certain, but she probably thought that I was forcing him to stay.

On the contrary. He has already made friends with three members of the team. A fourth enjoys him for… adult reasons. Two others think of him as a blood filled doll they can cling to when I am not around. And the seventh is a child who must learn to accept loss with dignity. He has already shown competence in emergency situations with no visible means of communications.

Besides, Jerry will be unable to protect himself for a while. I will not send someone who is unable to protect themselves out to the Timberwolves. I am far from a saint, but I have not allowed myself to become another wasteland monster.

“… Boss, I remembered something that Jerry said when he saw you. He called you “Fleur de Lis”… is that your real name?” Her question was surprisingly direct. I smiled as I stared at her, my eye glowing blue.

“My name was never important, Sunday. I try and make up for that by actually living up to what I call myself now, being in charge of my own and other’s lives, and taking the consequences of such choices.” I sighed as I looked out a broken window, looking at the once beautiful city that I never had the chance to walk though at it’s height. One of so many regrets that I fight against. One of so many memories I wish I had.

Oh, Fancy… how I miss speaking with you.

//////////////////////////

I stirred as I felt two needles push into my forearms. I opened my eyes and saw two stim-pacs emptying their contents into my arms. It didn’t take long for me to feel my bones knit together, the burns easily flaking off as new skin quickly replaced the damaged ones. I groaned in pain, but not the kind of pain I expected to feel. It was like my body was spurring itself to stand up. I felt a weight on my back, and as I turned, was reminded of my little cargo as Rebecca crawled up, draping her hooves over my shoulders.

For an instant, I thought I heard a giggle as I stood up slowly.

I smiled as I looked at Rebecca. “There you are, kiddo. I thought you’d get lost on my back.” I stood up to my full height, and Rebecca clung tightly to me. I was surprised that I didn’t fall forward, but then noticed that I had a crimson aura around my midsection. I looked to my right, and saw Sunday’s horn glowing as D.A. threw my bag to my feet. “Thanks.”

They didn’t say anything, but Sunday smiled as she motioned for me to follow her. D.A. came to my side, but stayed about a full body length away from me as I put the bag on. I managed to adjust it so that Rebecca was sitting on the top of the bag, giving her a seat as she road on my back. My legs still where in pain, but besides that, nothing stopped me from walking on. The three of us walked out, and there was a large pile of weapons in a cart, as well as a few crates of ammo and food.

Flue was busy looking over everything, standing near the cart as she tossed what I guessed was a wrecked gun to the side. She rose her eyes to catch mine, and then she went back to work, as though as if nothing happened. Sunburn was muttering as he brought in the pieces from the robot. He looked up at me, and started gritting his teeth to keep his mouth shut as he turned to get more scrap.

As I took a deep breath calm myself down, I felt a small squeak from Rebecca as her fore hooves wrapped around my neck, hugging me. I looked behind me and saw Rip and Tear hovering behind me, looking at Rebecca with interest.

“Girls… this is Rebecca… she’s a good little filly. Got it?” I explained as I petted Rebecca behind her ears to calm her down. Rip hovered in front of me and leaned closer to Rebecca, sniffing her. My muscles flexed as I readied myself to fight them off, only for her to lick Rebecca, then me on the cheek.

“Rip likes her! She’s like little Boss!” She chirped as she went to hug me around the chest. Tear was close behind her, giving me a tighter hug, nearly squeezing the air out of my lungs.

“Tear missed Blood Bag.”

I… huh…

I have no idea how to feel about this. This is like being hugged by two crazy people that would drink my blood for the lulz, but would cry if someone else did it. They care about me (Sort of). They have already taken a shine with Rebecca. I doubt that they would do anything to her.

Optimistically scared happy? Maybe I’m happily afraid? Never mind, I’ll think it over later.

It didn’t take long for the cart to fill up with the rest of the supplies. I smiled as I looked up at Rebecca again. “Are there any other kids here? Brothers and sisters?”

I wished I didn’t say that now. She looked like I had kicked her. I picked her from my back and held her close to my chest, her hooves wrapping around my neck.

I tried to comfort her, tried to pat her back, but she continued to cry. The extent of what I did, unknowingly… made my heart twist like it was being choked.

Then I suddenly heard a song from the pip-boy, and I recognized it immediately. There were no vocals that could be heard from the pip boy, but I sang as best I could.

“Come stop your crying. It’ll be alright.

Just take my hand and hold it tight.

I will protect you from all around you.

I will be here, don’t you cry.

For one so small, you seem so strong.

My arms will hold you and keep you safe and warm.

This bond between us will not be broken.

I will be here, don’t you cry.

Cause you’ll be in my heart.

Yes, you’ll be in my heart.

From this day on, now and forever on…”

I continued to sing, rocking the little ball of fur in my arms as she sobbed. I didn’t pay any attention to the others for a while as I walked. When the song ended, we were standing outside the city, Sunburn and DA where pulling the cart as Rip and Tear sat on the pile of supplies. Fluer stood next to me, keeping her eyes on the horizon as Sunday walked next to D.A. The look I got from everyone there was… strange. D.A. and Sunday actually smiled back at me. Sunburn rolled his eyes in disgust. Rip and Tear was… doing what they normally do (They either were enjoying the song or were singing a song in their head. Since the music was dying down, I’d say it was the brain music.)

Rebecca, meanwhile, was asleep. I couldn’t tell when it happened, but it was a while back. I began to notice that she was skinny. The unhealthy kind of skinny. Her head rested on my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but hum the song into her ears.

I was so engrossed in the little filly that I barely noticed Rag Doll and Daisy joining our group as we came to the lip of the valley. I looked down, still smiling as Rag Doll walked by me, her eyes almost twinkling as she saw Rebecca. I was surprised when Daisy stood behind me. Surprised because of how far away she stayed from me.

The walk back was rather uneventful, save for one thing. The light of the sun in the east was actually… nice. I had almost forgotten that this all happened in one night.

We reached the library with no problems, and I brought Rebecca inside. After tucking her in my bed, I went back outside and helped where I could with unpacking the cart. “So, I think I finally got you now…” Sunburn said as I picked up a bundle of rifles. I ignored him as I brought it inside. “Why you haven’t tried anything with any of the girls here…”

Oh, I hope he doesn’t go where I think he’s going.

“First I thought it was because you just didn’t know how to do it. I mean, your rocks haven’t been polished, probably in forever. It would make sense. Inexperience and all that.” Sunburn chuckled as he continued. “Then, there was the possibility that you don’t like pony’s. Wouldn’t be the first that I heard of some human not wanting to be with a pony or hybrid.”

Dear God, please… shut him up.

“Then I got to thinking, maybe it’s because you’re into stallions! Saw how chummy you and Dumbass are.” I can’t believe he’s still talking. Maybe he will just patter off with a gay joke or two and be done with it. “But then it hit me!”

Damn it….

“Maybe it’s-“

“Hold it right there, Sunbutt.” I couldn’t help myself. I almost slammed the guns to the floor before I got to the table and turned to the asshole. “I can take a lot of things in forty eight hours. My lack of sleep being the majority of it.” I pointed my finger into the unicorn’s face as I glared at him. “But if you continue to say what I think you are, I will slap the bitch out of you. Got it?”

He smirked as he leaned in closer. “Okay, Foal lover.”

And then I fulfilled my end of the promise. I bitch slapped Sunburn hard enough to send him slamming into the front desk. I then saw on the top of my field of vision the words “Critical Strike”. I looked at my hand, and then looked at a very stunned, but very much unharmed Sunburn. Our eyes met as Fleur and Daisy walked in, and we both looked at the two mares.

“Okay… he’s a bit tougher than I thought he was.” Sunburn said, his smirk turning into a weird ass smile. “I’m good with him sticking around.”

“It was just a lucky shot.” I said, still kind of wondering how I did it. “But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a few cans of whoop ass I can’t open on ya.” I dusted off my hands and triumphantly turned back to pick up the guns from the ground and put them, very carefully, onto the table.

There are many things I can deal with. Being labeled a pedophile is not one of those things. Kids need a safe place to grow up. The safer the place, the better.

I needed to focus, or else I’ll remember… HER… and that isn’t something I need right now. Thankfully, Fleur walked behind me to catch my attention. “I… need to thank you for coming for me, Boss.” It wasn’t hard to thank her, but it was hard to call her Boss. I just wanted to call her Fleur, but… well… it didn’t feel alright right now.

“Don’t. I would have waited till a few days later, when you were going to be sold to a slaver. After hearing what I did from one of the Night Mares, Sunday’s gamble actually came at a good time.” She sighed as she looked at me. I put down the rifle I was cleaning (Which was just me rubbing the barrel with a rag) and looked at her. “Do you know who Brother Blood is?”

Brother Blood… I remembered a fictional character from DC comics by that name. A bad guy, if I’m not mistaken. I didn’t know anything specific about him. “Besides a bad guy from a comic book, nothing really comes to mind.” I explained to her. I sighed as I continued to look at the guns. “ So… the Night Mare is still alive?”

Fleur began to get interested in the gun I was looking at all of a sudden.

I groaned a bit as I went back to cleaning up the mess I made. “Never thought that I’d say it, but that would be a hell of a time to be merciful.”

The sudden, sickly silence made me fear looking directly at Fleur for a few minuets. “It wasn’t my choice. I can’t give all the details, but suffice it to say… there was some other force keeping her alive.” Her voice was whisper-like.

I stopped and looked at Fleur. “So, you think this Brother Blood has something to do with it?”

She didn’t say anything, but I read volumes from it. I couldn’t help but stop again and rub my temples. “Two days ago, I was just a guy working at a grocery store. This is crazy.” I muttered to myself as I started to feel a bit tired. “Damn… I need to go to bed. That cat-nap just didn’t cut it.” I began walking to my room, but stopped with a slight growl. “Is there another mattress I could use? My bed is kind of being used by Rebecca.”

Fleur sighed as she walked to me. “Why did you name her?”

“She doesn’t have one, and I’m not going to call her “Hey, filly”.” I explained.

“You can’t keep her like a pet, Jerry. She has a name from her-“ She stopped herself as she looked me straight in the eyes. I don’t know what she was looking for, but after a while, she smirked and closed her eyes. “Never mind. Go to the bell tower and take the cot from there. Be careful with it, and get yourself and the filly some sleep. I’ll send Rag Doll in to wake you up when I need you.”

I made my way up the stairs pretty easily, and as I entered the sniper’s room, I noticed the lack of anyone sitting at the post. I walked forward and saw a folded up cot next to the mattress that I assumed was for Daisy. How did I know it was for Daisy?

Well…. Lets just say that she doesn’t put away her toys when she’s done playing with them.

Yeah, your not going to get that image out of your mind any time soon, are ya? Well, I’m the guy who saw it. And I have to sleep under the same room as her.

Click.

I stopped only a few feet away from the cot and turned to the door. Standing in front of the newly closed door was Daisy. She was looking right at me, and she had no smile on her face.

“Uh… uh… hey, Daisy! How are you-“

“Don’t talk.” She started to walk towards me, and I walked backwards. She quickly got to my and her hand reached for my neck. I could feel her nails on my windpipe as she looked into my eyes. I didn’t know what was going on as she leaned forward.

Brain, how do I deal with this right now? Am I to be disgusted, or…

“Well, she isn’t ENTIRELY pony. Daisy seems to have a more human-like figure, and lets face it, she is kind of attractive in a whole molesty kind of way.” Left side thought as I inadvertently turned on VATS.

“I don’t think that’s the issue. We aren’t dealing with creatures of the field here, so even if she was a “pony”, she is sapient, and the fact she’s a hybrid, it means humans and these ponies are genetically compatible… How the hell does that work?” Right side said.

“We’ll worry about that later. Is it morally alright to do this?” Left side asked.

“WOOHOO! I’M GETTING Laid!”

“SHUT UP, REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM!” Both Right and Left said

“The Hell is going on here?” Discord’s voice seemed to carry over the debate I was having with myself. “Are you about to have sex?”

“Don’t know. I’m kind of tired, and I was thinking bout waiting till marriage, but Daisy is very insis-“

“YOU ARE NOT TO HAVE SEX!” Discord boomed as his face encompassed my entire screen.

“And, what exactly is bringing this out? I mean… besides Daisy.”

“The chemicals released during an orgasm can permanently damage the make-up of the nano-bots in your body! If your lucky, it would just mean losing contact with me!” Discord explained.

“…. Oh, crap…. I sense a very big “but” in the works.”

“But it can also lead to irreversible damage to your nervous system.” Discord finished.

“That but is much bigger than mine!” I thought as I let that sink in. “So… if I was to have sex… I could die?”

“No, you’d probably just have your limbs be paralyzed and then starve to death.”

“Thank you, Discord. I was fearing the worst.” My sarcasm was getting very strong here. “Now, how do I get out of here?” I asked the creature of chaos. He looked to the side, as though as if he was looking at Daisy.

“Pretty easy, really. You inadvertently walked up to the window.” I heard his explanation, but I remembered bumping against a solid wall… aaaand there is a window behind me. I noticed the Chaos gauge going down to the halfway mark. “And now you can do what you do best and make yourself look like an idiot.”

“Thanks, John De Lancy.” I may not be able to come up with insults that I would call “gem’s”, but I know that calling him that will get to him.

“No, it won’t.” Discord almost sang as he MANUALLY DEACTIVATED THE VATS!?

I didn’t even realize how hard I was leaning against the window till it gave in and I tumbled backwards, and if it wasn’t for Daisy’s fast reflexes, I would have fallen out the window. Thankfully, she grabbed hold of my shirt collar, and the look on her face changed from her sultry emotionless face to a serious, worried and focused look. She pulled me back in, and hugged me.

She didn’t try anything, but I could hear her breathing was ragged and I almost could hear sobbing.

I’ve… never… had this happen to me.

I just did what my sub-conscious told me to do, which was pat her on the back.

“I… I’m sorry, Jerry… I didn’t think that would happen to you.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” I managed to say while hiding my confusion. “Just relax and let it all out.”

And she did. I must have been standing there for a good ten minuets as I heard her explain to me about what was going through her mind during all of last night. Nothing earth shattering or the like. It was just her being worried about me. It was kind of sweet, save for the fact that I know she only wants to bed me (add that to my list of “sentence’s I would never expect to be said regarding me”). Still, it’s the thought that counts.

I managed to get her to the chair and set her down. “Thank you, Daisy… for being there for me.”

She looked up at me, and her eyes looked like they sparkled a bit. It was like I had just given her a million dollars, or a diamond ring or something. “It wasn’t any problem, Jerry… I’ll always help you out as best I can.”

I nodded at her as I broke my hug from her. “And I know you will. I’ve got to get to bed. Fleur said I could use the cot.”

Her mood shifted a bit as I said that. “Jerry… could I ask you something?”

Her voice was kind of somber as she asked it. I tried to keep my smile on my face as I looked at her in the eyes. “Sure. Ask away.”

“Do you find me ugly?”

Holy crap. That is one blunt question. I didn’t think my wellbeing rested on it. Daisy… well, she’s been clingy and a bit forward (like a torpedo), but besides being shot by her and seeing that she could shoot my head off at long range, I have a feeling she wouldn’t hurt me unless I posed an actual threat. I also don’t want to lead her on.

Need to do this right.

“I don’t find you ugly, Daisy. Your very unique, especially your personality. In fact, I’d say that you are the most beautiful hybrid I’ve ever met.” I said with a smile.

She didn’t return it. “Why don’t you want to be with me?”

I paused. The reasons were numerous, but the ones that came up to the forefront had more to do with self-preservation (especially after the bombshell Discord gave me) and moral confusion than revulsion (which was non-existent) and displeasure. I sighed as I collected my thoughts. “Let’s just say that is has a LOT more to do with me than it has to do with you. However, I will say that being grabby doesn’t help things.” I looked at her with a half-smile as I saw her blush at what I insinuated. “If things change, though, you’ll be one of the first to know.”

Why do my lips sign checks my butt can’t cash?

“Because you’re an idiot, Fat Boy.”

Shut it, John De Lancy.

////////////////////////////////////

I saw Jerry walk down the steps to the bell tower carrying a cot. A little bit interested in what was going on, I decided to check up on him. “Yo, smooth skin! What happened up there? You were up there for a while.” I said as I nudged him with my elbow. “Did you get yourself a bit of stress relief? Wink wink, nudge nudge?”

He looked at me, the look in his eyes a bit more tired and… well, horrified at what I said. “D.A…. quick question. Have you ever heard of Monty Python?”

“… Monty’s Python? What is that, some kind of… porn?”

The horror faded to slight annoyance as he turned back. “No, D.A., it’s not porn. I’m just going to chalk that up to God having a weird sense of humor.” He continued forward as he answered me. “No, I didn’t get “Stress Relief”. I don’t have any intention of getting “Stress Relief”, and I’m just going to go into my room, wrestle with this stupid thing, then go to bed.”

“You know, I’ve heard that having a good roll in the hay on a semi-regular basis is actually good for your health.” I remembered an old magazine I read on the subject, only to be met with a stifled laugh.

“Dude… sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…” He laughed for a few more seconds till he started to stare off into space. “or… at least I hope it isn’t….” He shook his head as he got to his room. “Look, I got to go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I scratched the back of my head as I followed him, being quiet as I noticed Rebecca in bed, squirming a little bit. I whisper to him as quietly as I can. “You know that she can’t stay with us, right?”

He looked back at me, a sad look in his eyes as he nods. “I’m not going to just abandon her, though. I heard about Buck ‘et Town or whatever it is. Tell me a bit about it.”

“Well… it’s about an hour away from us… it isn’t that big of a town, but it’s still a better place than here. Good amount of money goes into it, but there is a slave trade there…” I raised a hoof up to shut Jerry up as I continued. “The Orphanage there is off limits for such people, so don’t worry.” He didn’t look convinced, but he clamped his mouth shut as he made the cot.

“So… yeah… you can see her whenever… think you can handle that?”

“I don’t have much of a choice.” He groaned as he finished. He sighed as he stood up and eased himself into the cot, then laid in it. “Dang, this feels good… much better than the floor…”

I got the clue and made my way out of the room, after looking back to see Jerry out cold, and Rebecca awake and making her way onto Jerry’s stomach, her blanket being dragged onto the both of them, a content look on her face.

///////////////////////////////////

203 years before….

Vault 101

Commander Lavender Steel walked the corridors as he read the reports given to him about the security at the front. Yellow Streak has found two repeat customers that would be slated for looking into. No other kinds of suspicious activity were red flagged by the team up in the store.

He also finished looking at the research notes that was given to him by Zelda. Becky continued the professional distance, as she had promised, and it had worried him as he looked down at the notes. Zelda had told him of how long she would spend awake, her mind focused on everything relating to her research.

The last she had heard, she would work on only a few hours of sleep a week, stopping only when the buzz of her chosen highly caffeinated drink finally ended. He had ordered the kitchen staff to halt serving anything stronger than a cup of coffee to her.

He remembered that incident. He had almost came to blows with her as she almost rammed into him, insisting that the, and he quotes, “tyrannical ban of beverages be rescinded for the betterment of Equestria”, unquote.

If it wasn’t for the quick thinking of Zelda, giving her some herbal tea and “inadvertently” making her fall asleep on her feet with a very small amount of sedatives in said tea, she would have knocked the pretty boy out of him.

He walked into his office and set the papers onto his desk as he saw a figure walk in. It was a scientist, a blue coated hybrid earth pony variant. Lavender had some trouble with remembering the name till he looked her in the eyes. One of them were a milky-white, from a wound that he remembered all to well.

“Doctor Sakura… I haven’t seen you for years.” He couldn’t help but smile at her as he made his way to his seat. “I see that you used the potions to hide the Sting.”

Sakura didn’t smile as she crossed her arms under her bust. “I truly didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. My career, or what’s left of it, needs me to both adapt in the lab and have the look of competency on the podium. While you and your…” She stopped herself as she noticed the death-freezing glare that was being given to her. “Right… that is two strikes…”

“Don’t waste my time, and don’t insult my men… yes, that sounds about right, two strikes.” Lavender said with a sarcastic monotone as he pretended to count in his head.

“I’m sorry… on both accounts.” She back peddled as she kept her ridged and unmoving self at the door. “I am here to speak with you about the methods your people have been “keeping the peace” in the labs.”

“Doctor Saddler would have explained to me if there were any problems with-“

“I’m sorry, sir, but Doctor Saddler is in no way, shape or form unbiased. She would allow you and your men to lick every inch of the lab to clean it if-“ The glare returned, and the words retreated back to Doctor Sakura’s mouth to die.

“She is a responsible and well respected member of the scientific community, Doctor Sakura. I know that you are a co-leader of the project, but I have, and will continue to have the guards practice their searches and unscheduled scans of the area. We are at the cusp of war, Doctor. This project, this Trinity Accord may be the only thing that will make certain that life here and on other worlds continues unabated. You will do your duty, and I will do mine. Is that understood?” His voice never rose above that of a silent growl, but outside the room, the guards posted could be heard rattling in their armor in fear.

Which is what caused the next part to surprise them all.

“I understand, but note this, Captain. The Trinity Accord continues in spite of our dilly dallying. We are all replaceable, and if your actions intentionally interferes with progress, I will make certain that you are replaced, even if it means putting my own reputation on the line.” She turns from Lavender, her own icy voice echoing back at him. “As you said, The Trinity Accord may be the only thing that will protect life here. If that is true, then we must all make sacrifices for the greater good. Are you willing to do that?” Before she could hear his reply, she walked away.

Lavender clinched his jaw and looked at the desk. He heard footsteps, and before looking up, lashed out. “Get out you harpy-“

“Now, that is a weird ass greeting for a friend.” Zelda’s voice carried, just slightly hurt.

Lavender looked up at her, then rubbed his forehead with his hooves as he went back to looking down. “Oh, damn it, Zelda… I thought you were Sakura.”

She walked in and closed the door behind her as she made her way to the chair. “Thanks, I was thinking I had too much ego. A bit of name calling and generally mean things being said about me helps to keep the emotional fat off my slim, emotionally scarred body.”

“You knew what I meant, woman.” A small smile came to Lavender’s lips as he kept his eyes on the desk.

Zelda continued to smile as she tried to get Lavender’s attention. “Scientists are very fickle creatures. Doesn’t take much for us to take anything as a slap to the face.” Her smile weakened as she leaned forward. “I wanted to talk to you about something. I’ve never been to the Wastelands as many times as you and Becky. Heard a lot about the ponies and people on the other side, though.”

Lavender’s eyes managed to look back up as Zelda continued.

“When you were in Nevada… when you had to take Twilight and Blueblood to the NCR…” Her voice leeched the rest of her smile from her. “How… how come you continued to go there?”

Lavender had been asked about it. The Good Springs Incident. It wasn’t the first time he had to explain to others about the smell of cooked pony and diamond dog bodies, of the Ceaser’s Remnants manic charge, and the good fortune (and bad dreams) that he and Blueblood had and would continue having for the rest of their days. But he had never explained to anyone why he continued to put on the armor.

He began to smile. “Zelda… I want you to promise me that you won’t tell anybody this.” His voice still was stern, but had warmed considerably as the zebra scientist nodded silently. “You know about my sister, Fleur De Lis, correct?”

Zelda’s smirk returned. “Yeah. The socialite and pro-human advocate in Canterlot. She certainly has the connections, especially with that special somepony of hers.”

“Yeah… well, around the time we returned, I was still… well, a mess. Of course, you know what I mean by that.” His smile continued to grow as his hooves moved about. “She came with Fancy for a visit, and I had… done something real stupid.” He shook his head with the smile, but Zelda could see his eyes where still cold. “They cleaned me up, and she looked at me like I was going to grow demon limbs and spew blood. It was kind of funny. I think I laughed a bit after the doctor actually finished stitching my wri-“ he stopped himself, the smile fading a bit as he cleared his throat with a cough. “Any who, she glared at me, and said something to me. “Damn it, you asshole! If you were going to die, you could have had the fucking decency to do in the Mohave, so the damn Remnants can actually take their trophy.” And man, did that floor me.“

Zelda’s mouth was a gape as she looked at Lavender. “Damn… she is a harsh bitch.”

“Hey, sometimes the ones who love us the most need to hurt us to get the point across.” Lavender said, one fore hoof unconsciously rubbing the wrist of the other. “If she didn’t, I’d probably have tried it again. And…” He trailed off a bit as his eyes rose up to Zelda. “Becky… wasn’t like the others I was with, you know.” The way he said it made it seem like a natural segue. That one lead to another. “I actually care about her more than just like… that.”

Zelda was still in shock, and simply nodded. She stood back up and slowly made her way to the door. “You know… I could tell her that, if you want.”

Lavender, still smiling, shook his head. “Nope. I’m going to take responsibility for this one, Zelda. But… thanks.”

Zelda finally returned the smile as she waved at him. “Next time, I’ll tell you the sad story. Got it?”

Lavender simply nodded as he turned to his paper. “I’ll bring the cider.” He mumbled to himself as he continued his task.

Author's Note

Oh, crap... so much to say...

First off, Song is "You'll be in my heard" By Phil Collins.

Second, as with all the MLP characters used, all non-original characters used are the property of their respective owners.

And third... I don't know what to make of this chapter. I mean, I'm glad I finished it, but I had a bit of a debate with myself on weather to revamp SEVERAL area's, plot-wise. In the end, i decided to stick with what is here to see if it goes well. Next chapter will be a bit more interesting, with a bit more character and world building. Oh, and the reason why it took so long to get this chapter done is mostly because I had my attention divided into thirds. Expect a new story within the next two weeks.

Chapter Seven: So THATS what it's for...

From the desk of Commander Sleet Rock of the Iron Legion.

This report is for two fold reasons. The first is to document the recovery of my wounds received only a few days ago. The second is to record findings we have collected pertaining to a currently unnamed group of mercenaries that my people have encountered.

As of right now, my wounds have healed nearly completely. I am currently unable to speak loudly, but can give orders with a salvaged megaphone, or by proxy with one of my subordanates. I was cleared by our medic, Steady Heart, to continue my regular duties. By the end of the week, I may be able to speak normally.

About two nights ago, scouts reported gunfire from the ruins of New Pittsburgh. We knew of a gang of Bad Dreams that occupied the small city, but because of the need to oversee the main roads in the area around Bucket Town. By the time they got to New Pittsburgh, the fighting had ended, with one figure running from the scene.

Attempts to apprehend/identify the figure was received with, as the Scouts reported, a “sharp pain in the eyes and crippling nausea”. When they recovered, the scouts couldn’t find any prints in the soil where they last saw movement. All that is known is that the figure was a unicorn, and that it was a mare. Once everyone recovered, they reported of a small group leaving the ruins. The group consisted of: Three unicorns, a pair of pegasi, two earth ponies, a foal of unknown tribe, a hybrid of human, pony and zebra parentage, and a human.

It did not take much for me to deduce who it was, and that it would be best to speak with them in a non-threatening manner. I plan on leaving with a small contingent of four other members of my outfit. While I do not fear for my life, I will say that I have a measure of concern. I wish to know what these fellows angle are.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////

My eyes felt a lot heavier than they should have been. Maybe it was just what has been going on recently. I didn’t remember what I dreamt about this time around, but I am pretty sure that it was just Discord getting things ready for when he finally takes me to meet his other selves.

God damn, I am just never going to get used to that.

If it wasn’t for something poking me in the nose, I would have probably just have went back to sleep. I opened my eyes slowly and was met with two big dark blue eyes looking back at me. It took a few seconds to realize who it was when Rebecca’s small hoof reached out and poked me in the nose again. I crossed my eyes as she smiled at me.

“You know, I need to set my cutie alarm later.” I picked up Rebecca, looking at her in the eyes as my other hand reached up and began to ruffle up her hair. She let out a giggle as she squirmed in my grip. “Hmmm… no… lets try something else.” I cradled her in my arm, bringing her to my chest as my hand began to tickle her. Her giggling grew louder as I stood up. “Hmmm…. I think that’ll do.” I laughed as I set her on the ground. She smiled up at me as I stretched out my arms and legs. My back popped loudly as I stretched. “Now THAT feels good.” I began to walk to the door, and felt two hooves on the back of my leg. I looked back behind me and saw Rebecca’s big eyes looking at me. I knew she wanted me to put her on my back, which put a smile on my face. But I also knew that I shouldn’t spoil her like that.

“No no, Rebecca. You’ll have to walk a bit before you can get back on my back. We’ve got a lot to do today, and not a lot of time to do it in. Just stay near me, okay?” I saw as she looked down at the ground, a bit disappointed at me laying down the law, but I patted her head (Keeping away from the horn) keeping her from frowning for too long. We both made our way down the hallway, and where met by Rip and Tear, who flew to Rebecca and my side, keeping the both of us between the two. Rebecca smiled up at Tear, who leaned in close to have the filly boop her on the nose.

Rip looked at her sister cross her eyes. She then flew up to my eye level, only to boop me in the nose. Just like before, I found myself crossing my eyes. I smiled as I booped her back. Soon, I saw Tear flying up ahead of me to poke me on the nose in retaliation. Soon, all four of us made a strange, short game from booping each other. When we made it to the Lobby, the four of us where met with the awkward stares from Sunday, Ragdoll, D.A. and Flure de Lis.

My only regret came from when Tear lifted Rebecca up so both pegasi and the unicorn filly could gang up for one final boop to my nose, making me the loser. I rubbed my nose as my eyes crossed while walking past them, unknowingly stumbling over a chair, and rolling over it. I managed to stand up on my own power, eyes still crossed as I faced the others. “I meant to do that.”

As the others laughed, Flure walked over to me, a neutral expression on her face as she brought a rolled up newspaper up in her magic and gave me a good smack on the back of my head. My eyes, newly uncrossed, focused on her as I smiled. “Thanks, Boss.”

“Don’t mention it.” She spoke with her signature neutrality as she walked back to her place in the front of the lobby. I noticed Tear and Rip playing with Rebecca by flying through the library, making sure to stay away from Flure. I looked over at the desk and saw the paper’s on the desk as DA and Sunday came to my side. The larger paper on the desk was a map of the area, with a path to Buck’et town set up. I looked over at Flure, who was looking at me.

“We are leaving in the hour. It will take two hours to get there if we don’t have any troubles en route.” She handed me the backpack from two days ago, and in it was the police batton, the automatic shotgun and my laser pistol, as well as ammo for both.

“So, I’m handling other people’s stuff now?” I said with a smirk.

“Hell no. If they can’t handle their own weapons, then they don’t bring it.” Fleur said as she looked back down at the map. “That slag of metal is yours. Sunday, make sure he doesn’t shoot his foot off. Dumbass, make sure he knows how to take care of the damn thing.”

Sunday gave a sigh as she looked over my direction. She then turned back to Fleur with a forced smile. “Is there anything else you want me to do, Boss?”

Fleur raised her eyes up as a smirk came to her mouth. “See if you can teach the boy to change his clothes. If he’s staying with us, he needs to start looking like one of us. Preferably something that doesn’t clash.”

Sunday’s jaw dropped. If I blinked, I would have missed it. “You are kidding…” She turned her body to the side and pointed at her Mark, a scroll under a pony skull with a bullet hole in it. “Is this the Mark of a Fashion expert?”

I turned my head to look at her Mark with a smirk on my face. “I don’t know. Could be an abstract symbol on how you “hit the mark” with style? “ I gave exactly one and a half chuckles before Sunday turned to me and growled. “Shutting up.” was the only thing I knew would be safe to say at that moment.

She turned back to Fleur, still a bit angry, but it looked like she had an idea. “Do we still have his coat?”

Fleur pointed over her shoulder as she looked back down at her papers. “Coat is in good condition now. His pants are still good, but his shirt is covered in blood. It’s never a good idea to wear something like that in Death Claw country.”

I nodded in agreement as I began to make my way to the coat. “Hey, boss, if it’s true that having bloody clothes would attract Death Claws, why are we keeping it? Wouldn’t it be better to get rid of it?”

A chuckle escaped her throat as I found my coat and put it on. “Never know when we might NEED to attract Death Claws… or something else. I put a charm on it to keep the scent fresh, and to make sure it is contained. I also keep it out of the reach of my pair of Bladed Angels.” She cooed the last part as Rip and Tear flew past with Rebecca being… tossed… between them…

“Oh, dear God…” I looked up, my worry chocking the words I wanted to shout as Rebecca giggled as she went between the two. I focused on them, trying to stay a good distance from them as Sunday, Ragdoll and DA followed behind me. I think I bumped into them a few times because I kept on hearing some muttering behind me as I had my arms stretched out. I kept my head up as I looked on. “O-okay, girls. You can stop tossing Rebecca around now.”

“Awww, but the little bleeder is fun!” Rip said as she hugged Rebecca. She then tossed her to Tear, who turned around in mid air like she was doing a cork screw, and tossed Rebecca in the air again for Rip to catch again. All the while, Rebecca was giggling and laughing.

“And she makes such cute noises! Boss, are you sure we can’t keep her?” Tear asked as she hovered near Fluer. Fleur closed her eye, and took a deep breath.

“No, Tear. We can’t keep her. She is too young, and it’s dangerous.”

Tear’s ears fell to the side of her head as she looked up at Rebecca, then back at Fleur. “But what if-“

Fleur turned her head, slowly to Tear. Her cyber-eye had changed to a deep crimson color. Tear slowly driffed back, fear covering her face. Her wings dropped down, her head down as she tried to keep her eye contact from Fleur. Fleur got out of her chair and began to walk over to Tear. She then brought her hoof up, and while I could feel anger coming from her, I was amazed that she gently moved Tear’s chin up so she could make eye contact with her. “Tear, that is my word. You are not the only one not to like it. If things change, she may come back, but until that time comes, and I take back what I had said, my order stands.”

Tear looked like she was frozen by terror and… well, I guess the only other thing that I could compare it to was infatuation. I didn’t think of Tear or Rip as… leaning that way. Hell, I couldn’t think of them actually leaning either way. Whatever psycosis they suffer from I thought was enough to help them to ignore such things. Maybe Fleur was an exception. Maybe it wasn’t infatuation, but more… reverence?

Huh… that would make a lot more sense in the long run. Fleur didn’t look like she was looking for someone to warm her bed. More like she was laying down the Law of Moses. She turned back to her chair and went back to work, and I let go of the breath that I was unconsciously holding during that conversation.

I found myself next to Rip and Rebecca as they hovered next to me. After a few seconds, Rip handed Rebecca to me and went to Tears side, both looking sad. Rebecca looked sad as she looked at the two sisters, then she looked up at me. I gave her a grin as I gave her a quick hug before putting her back on the ground. “It’s alright, kiddo. They aren’t in that much trouble.” She kept to my side as I walked to D.A., Sunday and Ragdoll. I looked at them, and noticed that D.A. had a very odd grin on his face.

I shrugged as I ignored him and turned to Sunday. “So, Boss… how do I look? Presentable, I hope?”

She smirked and nodded. “Yeah. But there is one thing on the table just for you.” She brought by attention back on the desk, and there was a beat up Stetson hat. It wasn’t the same kind of Stetson that a certain Earth Pony had. I picked it up and noticed that it looked a lot more like something that Indiana Jones would wear. I put it on, a smile on my face as I looked back at Sunday.

“This is the start of a good day, Tater.” I couldn’t help but say that with a grin on my face. Everyone else that heard me… well… they didn’t get it.

Okay, so since I’m pretty sure you guys want me to keep this kind of quick and all that, I’ll make the getting set up part for the journey a bit condensed… Hope I don’t screw this up…

So, after an hour we got everything set up for the journey.

Phew, thought that would be a lot harder, but there we are.

Anyways, it was Fleur, myself, Rebecca, DA, Sunday and Ragdoll. DA and myself had our packs filled up with guns and other things that we didn’t need (namely non-medicinal chems from the Bad Dreams). We began to walk the opposite way from New Pittsburg. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the farm just outside of our town. I was halfway tempted to break the faux pas of asking about it when Rebecca tapped me right above the knee to get my attention.

I gave her a shake of my head as we continued. “No, Rebecca. You can walk a bit more on your own. Just wait a-“As I looked down, I noticed that she was giving me a flat glare as she pointed to our left. “What is it, Rebecca?” I looked at where she pointed and saw a pair of heavily armored ponies. When I say “heavily armored”, I don’t want you to think “Oh, they must be wearing a cute little metal pony shirt and leggings that make them look like little knights. How adorable.”. No, when I looked at them, my eyes felt like they where trying to burst from my sockets. They would be able to look me in the eyes with no problem, through their Stormtrooper-like helmets. On their backs where an assortment of weapons, and I was, like, eighty percent sure that one of the things they had was either a Rock-it Launcher (if you don’t know what that is, think of a super charged leaf blower that can fire teddy bears at lethal speeds.) or a Fat Man nuke launcher.

“HA! Now THAT’S rich!”

Shut up, Discord.

“Just enjoying the absurdity of the situation.”

Bloody jackass…

Anyways, yeah, that did not look good. I was about to talk when Fleur rushed between the group and the onlookers.

“I thought I told your tin can’s collector that I don’t want anything to do with you!” She almost growled at the two as she shouted at them. To their merit, they only flinched a little bit as she glared at the two.

“Stand down, you two. Let Commander Sleet Rock through.” A young, feminine voice rose as the two figures separated. I looked up at them and saw a reptilian form walking to the edge. She came to eye level to the other two, but she (she had a very human-like form, and when I say that… she was kind of… uh… Damn, how do I put it…?)

“Holy crap, that dragon-girl has a rack on her…” DA said in a whisper to me.

Thank you, DA. And I’m sorry for what I’m going to do next, buddy.

*THWAP*

“Not in front of Rebecca, dude.” I whispered back after smacking him upside his head. He shook it off pretty easily. I looked back and saw a very familiar face looking back at me. Except… not as bloated, and with a glare that matched Fleur’s. His mouth moved, but I could barely make out anything. Then the olive green dragon girl (I’m just going to fall on DA’s insight on this subject) looked at Fleur with a smile.

“We aren’t here to cause any troubles, Miss Fleur de Lis. The Commander simply wants to thank the human for saving his life.” She said as she pulled out a small bag and tossed it in front of Fleur. She barely looked at it as she lifted it up with her magic and opened it, pulling out a few caps, and putting it back in before tossing it to me… or more accurately, tossing it into my face. I shook my head as I recovered, and looked at what was in the bag. I saw… What the heck did I see?

“Three hundred and seventy five caps, and an Iron Legion medal…?”

Thanks Discord. I knew I kept you around for a reason.

“Oh, you mean your continued survival isn’t enough?”

Son of a… he got me there.

I got my mind back on track quickly as I looked up at the Commander. “Thanks. Uh… mind if I ask about this?” I held up the medal up with a smile as I looked at him. He began talking with the dragoness, and she cleared her throat. She had a rather… odd… look to her face.
“Commander Sleet Rock has given you an honorary member of the Iron Legion, Troop 22. If, at any time, you need our assistance, you may contact a local member of the Iron Legion, show them the badge, and they will follow your orders. It will also let certain, but not all resources that the local troop owns available to you. On the back is the location of our base so you can come with your group to speak with us.” The dragoness turned to Sleet Rock and said something to him. He nodded, and she turned back to me.

“On a personal note… I want to thank you for saving my father when you could have ignored him.” She bowed briefly, and smiled. “My name is Scribe Ear Shot. If at any time you are at our base, I would be glad to assist you.”

Huh… If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that she had an “equestrian” name. Raises a lot of questions about Spike and why he was named the way he was. Of course, I did rename Rebecca… but that is only because she won’t say anything. I don’t want to force her to be “human” if she doesn’t want to be. Damn, this name stuff is fricking confusing.

I looked at the back of the medal, and put it in my upper left side pocket of my coat. I’d put it in the inside of my coat later. I then read on the HUD “Location added to Map”. I put the nagging question in the back of my head aside as I smiled up at the small group.

“It is a pleasure to add to my list of friends. I will be glad to come over as soon as I settle myself.” I said in my best “good politician” voice. I would probably go to the base, but that is, like, weeks from now. I had so much on my plate right now, I’m just hoping that I can keep my head above water right now, and that’s one reason why we are going to Buck’et town.

Thankfully, Sleet Rock nodded, smiled, and turned away. Ear Shot followed close behind him, and as soon as she disappeared, the two guards followed suit. Fleur looked back at me, her cyber eye a cool blue color as she walked over to me. “… Good job, Jerry. You just got us some coustomers.”

I was kind of confused by that as I handed the caps back to her. “What do you mean, Boss?”

“Iron Legion are hard to impress. Hard to get jobs from them because of how picky they are. That means, since you’re an honorary member of their group, they are willing to give you some scraps of jobs you can do.” She took the bag of caps from me and put it in her pocket. She then gave me a slight smile as she nodded. “I suppose that means that we’re going to actually need to name ourselves now. I was both dreading and looking forward to this day.” And with that, we started back on our journey.

DA looked at Sunday with a wide grin on his face. “Why don’t we call ourselves The Timberwolves? I mean, their bad ass creatures! We’re all awesome. Makes sense, right?”

“Dumbass, that name sounds horrible. Like those Tunnel Snakes we obliterated a few weeks ago.” Sunday said as she shook her head, a small smirk on her face.

I looked over at Ragdoll. “What about you, Raggity Anne? Got an idea for a name?”

She looked at me with a bout of confusion as she registered the name. “Raggity Anne? The hell is that?”

“Long story short, a toy sold where I come from. Looks like a ragdoll with red yarn for hair.” I explained as I scooped Rebecca up and put her on my back.

Ragdoll looked at me for a quick second, then looked up at the sky. “How about… SPECIAL Forces?”

“Huh?”

“For the name of our group. SPECIAL… like what the Vault Teck guys used to grade what skills people where great with. Sunday told me about what the computers said about her and Dumbass. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone has something that ends with a ten… you’ve got Luck, Dumbass has Intelligence, and Sunday went back to see if there was anything else the Bad Dreams dropped there. She said that she got a 10 in Endurance.” She suddenly got a wide grin on her face as she looked over at her sister.

“Guess she could go all night if she wanted to…” She teased as she looked at me.

“DA would have a lot on his hands if that’s true.” I added with a smile, and making Ragdoll tilt her head in confusion. Then, I felt a thud on the back of my head, as I was reminded of who I was in the company of. “Ow… thanks, Rebecca for keeping me honest.”

Rebecca and Ragdoll giggled as I rubbed the back of my head where I was hit.

Fleur de Lis looked back at the three of us, and I caught a hint of a smile of her own. We continued on our journey, which was thankfully very boring when we came across what I thought was Buck’et Town. How did I come to that? Well… the town itself was a pretty big sized affair. I’d even say it was bordering on being a full-fledged city. The outer buildings where built close together, making a circular wall around the settlement. The inside was filled with smaller buildings and a… farm. I suppose that they didn’t want to be fully dependent on supplies coming from outside, especially with risk of large groups of raiders attacks laying siege on the town is possible.
Now, the thing that REALLY made this look like its name sake was what I guessed was a secondary wall that started coming out from the rim of the town, and sloped down to make a secondary town/entrance. It sort of looked like a bucket’s handle being supported by buildings. I guess that it was the beginning of a new wall being built to add onto the main city. It’s pretty cool, if you asked me.

The closer we got to the town, the more ponies I began to see walking about the entrance, as well as a few groups of heavily armored hybrids. It was kind of nerve wracking to see several of those groups with Gatling lasers and heavily augmented weapons.

DA, on the other hand….

“OOoooh! Is that a Series 7 ocular mod for a generation one laser rifle!? There is no way that they could have gotten it on this side of the portal! I got to… WAIT! It can’t be! A model 21 recoil reducer for a NCR Carbine from the Golden Era!? And they put it on that piece of crap!? HERASY! I CRY BULLSHIT!”

He wasn’t as antagonized as I was. Thankfully, Sunday managed to keep him in line.

THWACK!

We continued forward as I looked at the “Handle” part of the city. The buildings were far from up to code, but were at least a few steps above “Megaton Chic”. In other words, ugly, but super functional. Oh, also… it was like a post-apocaliptic strip mall, where anyone can get food, nick nacks, and guns! All three are crappy, but lets be honest, people got to eat.

“Gentlecolts and fillies! Ladies and Gentlemen! Gather around, and find yourselves some fine flanks to warm your beds!” A grateing, old and diesies ridden voice cried out. Just out of curiosity, I looked.

I wished I didn’t.

On a stage in front of a rather large building named “Key’s and Locks”, was a fat lime green unicorn pony. His jaw looked like it was stitched back onto his face with several scars pocking his face. His eyes were a cold steel color and gave me the combination of the heebie jeebies, the willies, and the creeps. I brought Rebecca off my back and held her close as he continued.

“Have your choice of some of the most supple flanks this side of the Equestrian Wasteland! We’ve got Stallions with plenty to stuff, and Mares wanting to be mounted! We have slaves from all three tribes, and a few… EXOTIC… flavors to taste! If you like, you can take them for a nominal fee! I promise you, every one of our slaves is in the best shape you can find!” He continued on with his rhetoric as his… “wares”… walked onto the stage. For the ponies, they wore clothing that was just there to entice. The few hybrids… and a lone human women… they wore a LOT less.

You’d think that I would be inticed, titillated by the sight of the women. I wasn’t. I got… angry. Very, very angry.

Ragdoll managed to snap me out of it by smacking me in the side. “Don’t get the idea, Jerry. He isn’t worth it. Besides, he only allowed to work out here. One bad raid, and he’s probably the first guy to get rammed in the ass with a barbed wire covered stick.” She… comforted (?) me as we walked to the enterence. It’s not like I had any plans on the top of my head.

Just some ideas… some of which weren’t exactly mine.

“…What? Oh, don’t look at me like that! If you ever spent a thousand years in a stone statue, you’d find the idea of enslaving others distasteful!” Discord said as he looked at me through the HUD.

In this case, Discord, I ain’t judgeing ya.

We continued forward and I managed to calm myself. I was surprised that more ponies didn’t stare at me, but I guess when you’ve got to worry about radiation and Deathclaws, I was just a VERY mild curiosity.

Why am I hearing lasers humming?

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SMOOTHSKIN! AND DROP YOUR ASS TO THE GROUND!”

Oh… those where the lasers from the gaurds as they aimed… their guns… at… us…

“Damn it…”

///////////////////////////

Jerry was very lucky that he was standing to the side. As he heard the instructions, he nearly fell down onto his ass as he looked around, looking for the source of the voice. I kept Rebecca safe as I took a few steps away from him and saw the owner of the lazer rifle aimed at Jerry’s head.

He was a human ghoul, wearing heavy battle armor. His putrid, green-yellow molting skin did little to hide the scowl on his face as he walked over to Jerry’s side. “You’ve got yourself a Pip-Boy there… got it on the other side, or did you cut it off the hand off of some wanderer you found?”

“H-hey, dude, calm down, alright? Put the rifle down….”

The ghoul pushed the barrel slowly against Jerry’s mouth, shutting him up. “Don’t be telling me what to do, boy.”

Two pistols and a shotgun rose up and aimed at the Ghoul’s head. I looked over to see that the pistols where The Boss’, and the shotgun was being aimed by Sunday.

“I suppose I can do that, then. Calm down, and put the rifle down.” The Boss said coolly.

The Ghoul looked up at the Boss and smirked. With one fluid motion, he lifted the rifle up, pointing it up in the air as he made eye contact with the Boss. “You’ve got to understand, Miss. We don’t like to have shifty elements in the town proper.”

“I suppose that is why you are stationed out here?” She said as she brought one of her pistols back into her holster as she nodded to Sunday to bring her weapon back to her holster. “He found that Pip-boy on my behalf, and he is a part of my team.”

The Ghoul didn’t respond to the jab, but after hearing her explanation, his smirk turned into a smile. “Alright. That will do.” He reached down and picked up Jerry by the scruff of his coat as he put the rifle into his holster. “You’ve got to understand, Fat Man that we’ve got to be careful. Stay out of trouble, don’t be an ass, and you’ll be okay. Oh, and by the way, nice contacts. They give you a Discord-like look to ya.” He said as I looked at the back of Jerry’s coat.

I stifled a chuckle as I read in hastily written in white paint “Fat Man” with a nuke bomb sticker on it. Jerry looked at the Ghoul with a peeved off look to him as he tried not to punch at him.

“Well, can I at least get the name of the guy who assaulted me?”

“Guy? Huh… interesting… “ The Ghoul patted Jerry’s shoulder as he laughed. “Maurice. Deputy Maurice. Welcome to Buck’et Town. Have fun.” And with that, he turned away from the group, heading towards a bar that looked to be either on it’s last legs, or in the middle of renovations.

Jerry let out a shiver as he returned to the group. “Breath smells like whiskey from a well-worn boot.” He stuck out his tongue in disgust as he looked at the Boss. “So, can we go into the nice part of town now? You know… unless this IS the nice part of town.”

“Big baby...” I teased him with a poke to his side. “I know you’ve had a rough couple of days, but that was, like, the third worse thing that happened to you, right?”

“Well… yeah… only had three bad things happen to me so far. Maybe I am overreacting.” I saw him smile as he patted me on the head.

It felt good… I mean, seeing him smile! I mean… uh…

I felt my cheeks burn a bit as his hand left my head, and we made our way to the enterence. It didn’t take long for us to go through the checkpoint, especially when one of the gaurds had seen the Deputy’s actions from a distance. Rebecca grabbed hold of my neck as we got into the town square, where a small orchard of apples could be seen growing.

The Boss walked over to me, Rebecca and Jerry as she looked at Sunday and Dumbass. “You two take the guns to the shop. Get as much money as you can, and meet us back here when your done.” And without waiting for a response, The Boss began to pull us away from the two. I looked over at Jerry, and saw a bit of sadness in his eyes as he watched her lead us. He forced a smile on his face as he looked at Rebecca and stayed near my side as we followed the Boss.

The streets where cleared of junk, and the store fronts made from sheet metal and glass showcased any items they held. It was kind of nice seeing a place where someone could buy both themselves ammo and playthings for the foals. Food didn’t seem like a problem to find, but the better the stuff, the more caps they cost. At least the apples where a manageable price.

A few of the patrons of these stores looked at us with mixed feelings on their faces. More than a few of them where giving us the evil eye, but a lot of them had their eyes on Jerry. I doubt that they where thinking that he was a threat… but I did find that he was trying pretty hard to be nice.

“Hey, guys! How things hanging? Hopefully not too low, know what I mean?”

“Hello, Ma’am! Wonderful day, isn’t it? Your just glowing!”

A little too hard.

The Boss grabbed hold of Jerry by the collar and pulled him up front. “What is wrong with you?”

“Just trying to be friendly, Boss…” He sheepishly said.

“No, your trying to be an idiot. So far, you’re succeeding.” She sighed as she straightened out his coat. “I need you to act normal for a bit.” She looked at him square in the eyes as he looked at her with a hurt frown. “Now, don’t look at me like that. You want to make a good first impression with the ponies at the orphanage, don’t you? Be good and normal with them, and they’ll listen to you. Act like… THAT… and they might be less inclined to help you and Rebecca out.”

He sighed as he couldn’t make eye contact with her, but nodded. “Alright, Boss… lets just get this over with.” He turned and waited for The Boss to continue forward. He resumed walking alongside me, his hand now resting on Rebecca’s head as he nervously petted her.

I still find it hard to believe how easily he and Rebecca had bonded. She hadn’t made a sound save for a few giggles and grunts of frustration, yet it almost seemed that they where having entire conversations just by looking at each other. I kind of felt… well, a lot of envy, to be sure, but I think I understand a bit more now that I think about it.

They both have to face an uncertain future that they don’t want to do alone. Jerry isn’t going to leave Rebecca here unless he knows that she will be safe. She doesn’t want to stay here, because she doesn’t want to be without Jerry. They don’t want to be away from one another, but this might actually help in the long run. If they became dependent on one another for survival, Rebecca could become unable to survive on her own. Jerry, with everything that I know about him now, he could become… over protective.

That said, I don’t think that KEEPING them separated is a good idea. Whatever bond they have is there. No way to get rid of it now. Once we have the means, I think that it would be in our best interest to get Rebecca back. She is good for moral, not just for Jerry, but others as well.

Hmmm… I think I need to bring this up with The Boss next time I talk with her alone. I know I’m the youngest… well, second youngest… but I usually am spot on with this. I hope that she listens to me.

We finally stop at a building next to the wall. Probablly the widest one in the entire town, curving against the wall as kids played in the front. The sign above the double doors read “Glowing Tabernacle Orphanage”, and one of the few adults I could see, an aged light blue stallion wearing a strange skull cap, black jacket, and glasses, looked at us with a bit of suspicion.

He made his way halfway between the door and us, and focused on The Boss. “Picking up or dropping off?”

“Dropping off… with conditions.” She said as she started to make her way closer to the stallion. He raised his right hoof to stop her in her tracks, which she did with no hesitation.

“No conditions. Either you are dropping someone off, or your picking someone up. There is no middle ground in this.” He elaborated as he closed the distance.

“There are in this case. We are not abandoning her here. Just having her stay for a span of time.” She tried to elaborate while remaining vauge. Rebecca was, surprisingly, not trembling. Maybe she thought that if the orphanage turned us away, that she could stay with us.

“Oh? Let me guess what makes this special. You killed her parents after busting up a raider gang? Ma’am, I’ve heard this before. Most of the children here are the children of raiders killed in the wastes. What makes this any different?”

The two continued to argue, quietly, for a while as I noticed that Jerry was getting more and more upset. Before either the stallion or The Boss could escalate the argument further, he walked forward, eyes set on the Stallion.

“Rabbi, my name is Jerry Stine. I’m sorry if this is so sudden, but may we speak with you in private?”

Wait… Rabbi? I looked at his mark and noticed a rolled up scroll that had a seal on it with strange lettering. The Stallion looked at Jerry, mildly astonished at what he had said. Maybe he was as surprised that Jerry knew who he was as I was.

“It’s Rabbi Golden Script… “ He said with a much calmer voice than I expected. “… and if you mean private you mean inside the building… I suppose that would be acceptable.” He relented as he turned around. Jerry followed closely behind him as The Boss followed him. Rebecca and I brought the small line to a rather nice looking living area. “Alright… explain to me why you want to drop her off.”

“She… well…” Jerry stumbled a bit at the question till he cleared his throat. “I don’t know anything about the kid, Rabbi Golden Script, except that she needs help. We can’t give her that help, nor can I… we… give her a safe place to stay right now. Your orphanage can.” He walked over to me and picked up Rebecca gently in his arms, smiling down at her. “I don’t know what is wrong, but she won’t talk. She is willing to communicate, but she won’t tell me what her birth parents used to call her, so I named her Rebecca…”

Golden Script raised an eyebrow to that as he looked at her. “Quite a name to give a child that isn’t even your own… Why did you give her that name?”

Jerry looked surprised at the question. He looked at Golden Script, then back down at Rebecca. He smiled as he brought her up and onto his back. “Rebecca was the name of my Mom. She was one of the kindest and sweetest people I know, but my Dad told me how hard her life was before he met her. I… didn’t think about all that when I named her, but maybe I did it sub consciously. Maybe it was a hope that things will get better for her?”

Golden Script smirked as he looked Jerry straight in the eyes. “With or without you, Mr. Stine?”

Without missing a beat, Jerry smiled at Golden Script. “I want her to make that choice, Rabbi. And for as long as she stays with you, and as long as she wants me to, I will visit her every week to keep in touch. As long as I do that, I will give you money for room and board. When she finds a better parent that wants to take care of her, I will be more than grateful to step aside. If not, and we find a way to make sure she has a safe and healthy living environment, I will come here and, if she wants to, I’ll take her home with me.”

Golden Script looked at Jerry with an appraising look, his eyes slowly going up and down as his smirk disappeared. He then began to nod as he walked over to Jerry and stood on his hind feet. “Would you swear to God that you would keep that promise?”

Jerry’s eyes closed as he let out a brief sigh. “I will not. It is wrong to swear on the things of Heaven, the throne of God, for I do not own it. Nor will I swear on the things of this world, for it is His foot rest.”

The Boss picked Rebecca off of Jerry’s back and laid her on her back as she smirked.

Golden Script then gave Jerry a tight hug as he began to swing him around, laughing as he twirled around. He stopped and looked at a now dizzy Jerry with a big grin as he patted his shoulder. “Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no! I have never met anypony… no, anybody who knows the importance of that! Alright! We will look after your Rebecca. You and any of your group are welcomed here, as long as you come in peace.” He then walked over to The Boss, giving her a much gentler hug around the neck before he gently picked up Rebecca and set her on the ground. “Come, Rebecca. I want to show you and Mr. Stein where you will be sleeping.”

Jerry gave a sad smile to me and The Boss before he followed Golden Script and Rebecca to another part of the building. I look up at the boss with a smile on my face. “He is pretty lucky, isn’t he?” I said as I sat down on the floor.

She nodded silently, and for a while, I thought that she was simply being her usual cold self, till she gave me a wide, warm smile. “I suppose it gives us our first true goal, doesn’t it?”

I blinked in surprise at how candidly she said that. Despite everything that I knew… or more accurately, everything I DIDN’T know about The Boss, I never thought that she would be as swayed by a simple child like the rest of us. It makes me wonder what else she would be swayed by.
////////////////////////

I followed the good Rabbi as he showed Rebecca and I around the building, and I’ve got to say that it was quite amazing that it was made with such good quality materials. I mean, I don’t know jack about making things from hand, but it is pretty obvious that this was made not just to last, but to be comforting. It wasn’t homey, but it was a sanctuary. The fact that we walked past several children (many of whom I could tell had a rough start on life but where making due with the situation they where given), and very capable workers made me feel even more comfortable with having Rebecca stay here.

Rebecca, on the other hand, made certain to show her disdain as vocally as she could without using her vocal cords.

“HEY! Why’d you shove me, you black-furred horn head!?”

A grey colored Pegasus-hybrid boy walked over to Rebecca after she had shoved him to the side as we walked past him and a group of other boys. She simply narrowed her eyes as she turned back to me and Golden Script. I, however, was not going to let it go.

“Rebecca, I know that you don’t want to stay here, but being rude to people isn’t going to make time go faster.” I knelt by her and picked her up off her forelegs to make sure she was looking at me square in the eyes. “Look, Kiddo, there is only one way I am not going to be coming back, and that is if I get myself killed. I’m not going to give you any… uh… stuff… about being a good girl making you get a home faster. That’s not how it works. We’ll work hard to make things fit for you. It might take a while, but I’m not going to give up. While you’re here, make friends, okay? And the easiest way to do that is to apologize to that boy over there.”

She opened her mouth for a bit, then grabbed hold of her throat as though as if she had something caught in it, then simply turned back to the boy and curtsied… or the equestrian-pony equivilant. The boy looked at her, slightly confused, till Golden Script took a step forward.

“And you have some apologies to make yourself, Mr. Clear Skies.” He said with a hard look on his face.

The boy snapped to attention and looked at Rebecca. “Um… yeah, I’m sorry for calling you that.”

I patted Rebecca on the head as I looked at the boy. “Alright, how about if you two go and have some fun? Get to know each other a bit. I need to talk with the Rabbi for a bit.”

“Yes, sir.” The kid said as he began to walk away. Rebecca looked back at me like I was going to disappear if she didn’t keep her eyes on me. I finally managed to shoo her way, Rabbi Golden Script lead me to his office.

“I still have a few questions for you, Mr. Stein. A lot of them can wait till later, but the others…” He waved a hoof around as he collected his thoughts. “Not so much.”

I simply nodded as I waited for him to ask his first question.

“I’d like to get to know you a bit better, if you don’t mind. What do you believe in?”

To be honest, his first question was quite a curveball. Not that I didn’t want to tell him, nor that I didn’t know what to tell him. I just didn’t know how to tell him. In the end of a long five seconds, I gave a nervous chuckle and looked at him. “I guess you could say I’m a Christian-Jew… if that makes any sense, Rabbi.”

He simply nodded as he looked at me with that appraising look of his. “Your eye… the normal one… it’s got a lot of inner strength from it. One of your parents was Jewish, correct?”

I, out of reflex, covered my right eye and smirked as he made the deduction. “My mom, actually. She was raised Jewish, but then conver-“ before I could finish, Golden Scrip raised his hoof up, that smile back on his face as he chuckled to himself.

“No need to explain, Mr. Stine. My own mother would much rather find the answers of the universe on computer screens and other books than the Torah, but she still instilled in me the need to keep the heritage in my blood alive. She had, at one time, cataloged the entire legacy of her family all the way back to the first Jewish settlers to Equestria.” He sighed happily as he opened a drawer and pulled out a necklace that had the six pointed star at the end. “And I can see that your own mother did the same for you.”

I nodded as I continued to look at the necklace. “Could you give her a good education? I mean, in the old testament as well as other... things?”

“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be much of a Rabbi, would I?” He beamed as he put the necklace around his neck. “Now, if you excuse me, I do have one thing to do before the day is through.”

“And that is?”

“Annoy the local anti-Semite at the bar and enjoy a Kosher drink with my friends before going to bed.” He said all too happily. “I’d invite you, but you don’t look to be the drinker… plus, your Rebecca would not be happy if you left her without saying goodbye.”

I watched the Rabbi leave the office, leaving me quite speechless. It would have been nice and quiet if it wasn’t for a certain someone.

“Hey, don’t look at me, Fat Man.” Discord said as he rolled his eyes at me.

I exited the room and was met by Rebecca, who eagerly led me to the boy she met earlier sitting at a table. On the table, was a drawing that she made. I looked over her shoulder as she sat down, putting her finishing touch on it and saw the entire group. “Oh? Are you and your new friend having fun?” I asked Rebecca as I looked over the drawing.

Me, D.A., and Sunday where grouped together, with Rebecca on my back. (I might want to add that she had little hearts springing up over D.A.’s and Sunday’s head.) The Twins were flying through the air over us with Ragdoll and Daisy nearby getting cupcakes. Sunburn was off in the corner, with stink lines over his head and flies flying around (I swear, the kid just knows good people when she sees them), and Fleur de Lis having tea with Discord. So adora-

...

“Oh, Monkey balls…”

//////////////////////////
207 years before…

Canterlot University, Department of Antiquity

It had been a full day for Twilight Sparkle. She had come back to Canterlot after her time in Ponyville for a brief vacation. She and Spike had made a great deal of headway in her magical studies and their relation to radiation. When it had gotten too late, she had sent Spike home (much to his chargrin) as she continued. She could feel that she was on the cusp of a new discovery, but she knew that she had to rest.

She collected her things and walked down the hallway, slowly going over what she had learned. The Archway Cities of St. Louis and Mare-imac Caverns had been analyzing the energies from the portals for centuries since the Portal’s creation, and the “magic seeding” in the American Wastelands, and how Radiation from the wasteland was broken down. Because of it, it lead to a number of thoughts on what was going on. One was that Radiation was feeding the portal, keeping it open as the radiation was converted into magical energy.

Which would lead to the question of what would happen when there was no more radiation left to feed into the portal? Is the magic spreading on Earth to carry the radiation to the Portal? Why? How?

The questions could be maddening, but Twilight shelved the questions to the side as she walked on. The darkened hallway was soothing to her mind, almost like being asleep, which made her question herself when she heard a trio of voices, one of which she recognized nearly immediately as Celestia.

Still too far to tell what they were saying, she followed the sounds of the conversation, and soon she recognized one more voice. One of her former professors when she attended the University as a student, Professor Vladimir Vorchoski (or as other students called him, Vlad the Grade Impaler) voice was characteristically low and gruff as he was in the middle of an explanation that bordered on being condescending to a Pegasus with a tan coat wearing a rather conservative dress.

“… and if you think that your little lasso and pith helmet is going to help swing through the girders of Washington, I’m afraid I’m going to have to burst your bubble, Miss Doo…”

“That is PROFESSOR Doo, and it’s a bull whip, you vodka drenched-“

“Enough, the both of you!”

The Princess sighed as Twilight finally made it to the door and looked in. At the table was the three imposing figures of her life, two of whom were acting like foals who were argueing about weather El Fantom could defeat the Mysterious Mare-do Well. “This situation… this journey is something I need you both to undertake together. You are both some of the greatest adventurers and researchers the grace both sides of the portal.” Her gaze slowly went from one figure to the other. “You both don’t have to like one another, but you WILL work with each other.”

It took a while before the two relaxed and looked at Princess Celestia. Professor Vorchoski was the first to break the silence with a heavy sigh. “I am sorry for acting the way I did, your majesty. The… manner that Professor Doo and I have acted now was brought on by a personal matter that I promise I will not allow to interrupt our work.”

Daring Doo looked insulted for a few seconds, but with a low, short growl, looked up at the Princess. “Same here, your Majesty.”

“Good. The trip to Washington will begin in a months time. I will be sending a represenitive to look over your progress.” Princess Celestia said calmly as she stepped away from the table.

Daring Doo looked at the Princess, more injury shown on her face. “Your Highness, I was led to believe that I and Vladimir where the ones in charge of this little venture.”

“And you will be.” Princess Celestia smiled as she looked at them. “The represenitive will be there to give reports back to me, and will give advice, but I will encourage her to only be there to assist.” She turned back to Vladimir, her warm smile spreading to his face.

“You are planning on asking Twilight Sparkle to come with us, aren’t you?” He asked as he began to cross his arms over his chest. “She is one of the most studied member of your school, and has been to the Wastelands several times under your protection. The fact that she has shown her leadership skills and resourcefulness in recent history with the Tirek incident and Discords release makes her the best choice.”

Daring nodded, her face showing discomfort as she agrees with Vladimir, but she remains silent as her eyes go down to the map.

Twilight was frozen by shock at the mention of her name being brought up, her body feeling numb as she failed to notice Princess Celestia walking through the door, and stopping to look down at her. It took a not-so-gentle nudge of her wing to shake Twilight back into the present, and a nod to lead her back down the hall from wince Twilight had come. The two adventurers continued their own conversations, without even acknowledging the absence of the Princess as they continued down the hallway.

“I… I don’t understand, Princess Celestia… what is going on? Why is this so important? What is this all about?” So many more questions where on her mind, but she used all her will to keep herself quiet, waiting for her mentor to give her some kind of answer.

“It would not take much for you to know that our nation has enemies, Twilight. You’ve met several of them.” The Solar Princess began as she stopped at a tapestry on the wall depicting a battle fought centuries ago. Her eyes rested on the center of the tapestry, where two couples stood next to one another holding up the Equestrian flag. “There were reports, several of which dealt with the creation of certain weapons. If these weapons exist… if even the possibility to recreate them exist… we need to destroy the weapons and any notes related to them.” She finished, her eyes a mix of steely resolve and sadness.

Twilight looked back at the tapestry as she realized what she wanted. “You want to stop the Zebra Union from getting the weapon plans.” Her eyes looked down at the ground as she continued down her train of thought. “But that doesn’t make any sense. They don’t have any way to get the plans through St. Louis and Mere-imac Caverns… do they?”

Princess Celestia looked down at Twilight as she shook her head. “They don’t need to. Another portal opened between our Earth and the Wastelands. I’ve felt it open recently… but I cannot pinpoint where on this side. This is the other reason why I am sending you to the other side.”

“To find the portal there.” Her eyes widened as she looked over at the Princess again. “Princess Celestia, the portal could be anywhere. There are seven continents, and the NCR have JUST started to start speaking with the Canadian Federation and the New Mexican Alliance. How can I…?”

“Twilight, you do not give yourself credit.” The Solar diarch said, her smile making a return to her face as she turned to her protégé. “You have the ability to find it. And you won’t be doing this alone.” She sighed as she used her wing to hug Twilight, then looked back at the Tapistry, her eyes focused on the four figures in the center.

They stood there for a few more minuets before Twilight was left looking at the tapestry. Her still tired mind tried to recount the names of all the figures, but all she could think of was a speech given by one of the hero’s.

“By the Hand of Almighty God, we have seen this day. Humans are no longer on the verge of extinction. Our survival, our lands can begin to grow once more. But out there is the unknown forces that will mis-use our lands, our people… and our new friends. If we do not stand and fight against these forces, then we are no better than them. I cannot force you to act. I will not force you to act. But I will stand, for I would rather die doing what was needed now than to live a long, guilt filled life.”

With the words of the past fresh in her mind, Twilight closed her eyes and nodded to the challenge. She would protect those she loved. The question is what will it cost her?

Author's Note

This is one of those times where I wished that I could really explain what was going through my mind with certain parts of this story, but then it would be kind of a spoiler for what I got planned in the next chapter.

By the by... there is a kind of reference in this chapter, but it's not going to really pan out till later.

Till then, I hope you enjoy the chapter. And, again, if you have any problems, don't be afraid to tell me.

Chapter Eight: Sometimes Clowns Cry

Ponyville, Equestria, 203 years ago...

The sun rose in the east. It's crimson and gold rays signaled a new day. The inhabitants of the small town of Ponyville slowly woke up from their slumber. The shops and vendors began their day selling their wares as a strange awkwardness hung over them. The only store that remained untouched by such dreariness was the colorful Sugarcube Corner, and that was only because it was closed for the day.

Inside, a pink coated Earth Pony Mare stood in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on two large, three layered cakes. She stood on her hind legs as she held the icing bag in her forehooves, slowly making a nearly life-like rose bud. Her eyes where closed as she finally stood back and looked at the two cakes. Both looked more like small bouquets of assorted flowers than dessert.

She stood still, looking at the two cakes, her bloodshot eyes focusing more on the cake filled with violets and pink mums. She finally sat down and closed her eyes, her pink hair flat and devoid of it’s typical bounce. She took a few deep breaths, each one seemingly inflating and curling her hair till it was a mess of cotton candy colored madness. As she opened her eyes, she could see the silhouette of Mrs. Cake, her landlady/employer as she stood at the door leading to the kitchen.

“Pinkie? I thought you finished the cakes last night? Why are you…” She began to say before looking at the cakes themselves. “My word… How long have you been working on this?”

“Eleven hours and forty-six minutes. Went through two pots of coffee, went to the bathroom six times, and only hallucinated twice this time.” Pinkie said with a smile, recounting the last time she pulled an all-nighter where it ended with her thinking she was a Bug Bear, buzzing around and eating intruders into the bakery, which resulted in her accidently tackling and biting Nigel...

The memory hit Pinkie like a ton of bricks, wiping the small smile she had on her face as she looked back at the cake she made for him. Mrs. Cake put a fore hoof around Pinkie, pulling her into a hug. “I know this is hard for you, Pinkie. Carrot Cake will take care of getting the cakes into the wagon. Try and get some shut eye, alright? I’ll wake you up and help you into your dress before the funeral, okay?”

Pinkie nodded quietly as she made her way up to her room. Her hoofsteps rang through her ears as she did her best not to think of the rest of the day. She reached her room and, with barely a sound, fell into her bed. Her eyes closed tightly as she tried to force sleep on herself, thinking of the day she first met Nigel.

“Ow! What in blazes was that for?” The tall, dark skinned man said as he rubbed his shin, nursing a bite from the now pinned down Pinkie Pie, slowly writhing underneath his posterior.

“I am so so so so sorry, Mr. Tennant! Pinkie just pulled an all-nighter… she isn’t dangerous…” Carrot Cake said as he looked down in horror.

“Giiive meeeee honeeeeey….” Pinkie Pie groaned into the floor, her forehooves waving out as though as if she was trying to cast a spell.

“… I can’t really be mad at that… I’ve been there myself. I know an easy way to knock some sense into her.” Nigel pulled out a flask and opened it. He managed to hold the flask under Pinkie’s nose long enough for her to begin coughing.

“OH, CELESTIA! What is that!?” She coughed, her hooves covering her nose as her eyes watered. “It smells horrible!”

“That is Pick-me-up juice.” Nigel said, closing the flask as he looked down at Pinkie. “Now, are you of sound mind?”

Pinkie looked up at Nigel, still looking tired, but smiling. “Never. Now, if you asked if I was back too normal, I’d say sort of…” Nigel chuckled at that as he slowly got off Pinkie. Pinkie stood up and began to walk away, only to look back. “I hope I can see you again soon, Mr. Tennant. I still owe you and your family a party.”

Nigel smiled back, giving a wave. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Mr. Cake looked at the two, as they stood looking at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time. He cleared his throat and the two were knocked back into reality. Pinkie Pie blushed as she turned back to the stairs and went up the stairs.

Pinkie woke from the dream… the memory… to reality by a sudden weight on her belly. She looked down and saw Pumpkin looking worried, the small foal’s eyes glistening from worry. Pinkie smiled sadly as she picked up Pumpkin and hugged her, patting her gently on the back. “It’s okay, Pumpkin. I’ll be alright.” She said, half lying to herself as she got up from the bed. She looked at the time and noticed that it was an hour till the funeral.

She sighed to herself as she set Pumpkin down. “Stay right there, alright? Auntie Pinkie just has to get dressed, and I’ll play with you a bit.” She smiled, but the hair on her head remained half way inflated, even, as she gave her big, warm smile before jumping into her closet and closing it. In a matter of seconds, she jumps out, dressed in her Galloping Gala dress. “Ooopsie doozle… wrong dress.” She said to Pumpkin, making the baby filly giggle. She jumped back in and came back out dressed in a black suit that was obviously a few sizes too small, with pants two sizes too bit, and human shoes that made her stand on her hind legs, making her walk an awkward penguin-esque walk as she wore a small boulder hat on her head.

She held up a sign next to her, reading:

“It’s alright, Kid. I know how Modern Times would have you think that A Woman in A Busy Day would be only Getting Acquainted with Work like today’s, but we all have things we have to do. It’s all a matter of going out there to Show People that we aren’t an Idle Class. We’ll show that we aren’t just Making a Living, but that we are Shanghaied by love.”

She stopped, and looked at the sign, and smiled.

“Silly me. You can’t read this, can you, Pumpkin…?” She said as she gave a laugh, and slowly took off the costume. She had a tear come down from her cheek, but the smile remained as she reached into the closet and pulled out a black dress.

One that was made by her mother. She slipped it on, and found that, strangely enough, it didn’t constrict around her. The midsection felt a bit tight, but not restrictive, which she tested by leaning backwards and standing on her forehooves without the rest of the dress flipping down. She got back to her regular position and smiled. “She knows me too well, Pumpkin.” She chuckled as she brushed off a few patches of dust on her dress.

She walked back to the foal and picked her up, setting her on her back. A few calming breaths, and the party mare made her way to the door to her room. She turned and looked on her dresser drawer a few pictures she had, one of her family when she was younger, standing in front of the Rock Farm. The second was a picture of her and her friends at the corner booth of Donut Joe’s, everyone wearing the dresses made by Rarity. The final one, the one her eyes where focused on was a much more recent photo.

It was her and Nigel, sitting near the water fountain in the park, and the first time she had smiled that way to anyone. The memory of that day played through her head both eased her pain and spurred her like a caravan brahmin. Her eyes closed and, tears falling down, turned back as she put on that same smile again, just for him.

////////////////////////////////////

I sat outside the orphanage, looking at the door as Ragdoll sat next to me. We waited for Jerry to return. Ragdoll was doing her best to be silent, her worry more than evident on her face, but either her loyalty or fear of me kept her from voicing her opinions.

When we saw Jerry, his face was pale and he looked far more on edge than when I first met him. As he walked towards us, he waved me closer to him as he stood just outside the gate. With how he looked, I could tell that it was something that was better left between him and I, so I motioned for Ragdoll to stay put. Again, she relented, but not without letting out a very discontent sigh.

I got to Jerry’s side when he started to talk. I couldn’t get it all, but it went something like this…

“Pop culture reference, pop culture reference, some unimportant information, I chose Discord as my OS, pop culture reference.”

It took me a moment to realize what he had just told me, but when I did, I reacted in the most dignified, and professional of ways.

////////////////////

She put her hooves around my neck and tried to strangle me! I never knew that hooves could squeeze like that! The bloody hell!

///////////////////

I regained my composure.

/////////////////

She yelled “YOU DID WHAT!?” right into my face when she let go. I almost thought an eardrum burst.

///////////////

And he explained the situation further, telling me about how Rebecca was capable of seeing the spirit of chaos inhabiting his Pip Boy, and that he was fully integrated with said Pip Boy.

/////////////

After a while, she looked up at me, and with her usual neutral expression, asked the one question I wasn’t expecting.

“Has this changed anything?”

I couldn’t help but pause. I couldn’t really tell what she meant by that. Well, not at first. I smiled and shook my head. “I suppose not. Besides, it’s too late now. I made a promise, and I got no intention of pissing off my grandparents by going against my word.” I joked. I turned back to look at the orphanage, and saw Rebecca looking out at me, waving sadly back at me. I gave a sad smile back, waving in return. I know that I was returning. She knew I would… at least I think she knew.

I turned back to Fleur, and she had a look in her eyes that looked like… pity.

////////////

It was pity…

////////////

“Then I suppose that means that we have to work just as hard to make sure she has a safe place to call home.” She started to say as the pity became anger. “Now, onto the fact that you picked… and hid Discord of all creatures in your pip boy!”

“Alright, I chose Discord from two programs, the other choice being Sombra, or at least I think it was. Now, granted, when I made the choice, I had no idea that I was literally downloading someone… again, I have no frickin’ idea how magic and technology works here! Clean bloody slate this mind is!”

“He’s right. It’s like a freshly painted bathroom stall… and I have a lifetime supply of permanent markers!” Discord said with a squeal of delight.

“Hush it, dude!”

“What did he say?” Fleur demanded.

“Is that Fleur?” Discord’s face turned to Fleur. “Oh, dear Celestia! What a mess! What happened to her face?”

Have to clean that up a bit. “He says that you look well for what you’ve been through.”

She glared at me, as did Discord.

“Alright, he said that you look horrible!” I then realized something. “How do you two know each other?”

“We don’t, really.” Flure said as she looked at me “We met a few times, the first being at the Grand Galloping Gala when he brought his… FRIEND… along.”

“Smooze is more of an acquaintance than a friend…” The image of Discord held up a jar with a small, green gem-like item inside it. “He’s a horrible conversationalist, and his manners are more than wanting…”

“So you only invited him because you were jealous.” I said with a smirk.

“Jealous? Who was he… Ooooh!” Fleur’s lips turned up in a grin as Discord began to blush! Oh, this is too good to be true!

“Could we talk of something else, please? Maybe get something to eat?”

I turned to Fleur with a smile. “You know, as a fan of the show, I had a lot of theory’s on how things worked, especially relationships. You think you could tell me if one of my theories are true, Boss?”

Fleur smile became smugger as she looked at me. “Consider it part of your first paycheck, Jerry. We still have a bit to talk about, but for now… let’s get back to the others, alright?”

I nodded and began to walk back to Rag Doll, who had been stareing at us, worried. As soon as I passed her, she followed me, and began to ask the questions.

“Why was The Boss choking you?”

“I passed gas.”

“Brahmin Shit. What did you do?”

I looked over at her, smiling as I ruffled her hair. “I’m saying this once, Rag Doll. If you want to know, you’ll have to ask The Boss. It’s her secret to tell now.”

Rag Doll didn’t like the answer, but she didn’t look like she wanted to risk getting her head chewed off by Fleur… yet.

“So… on an unrelated note… I remember you telling me that you, Sunday and Daisy are sisters. But…”

Rag Doll nodded as her smile slowly returned to her lips. “But Daisy got the whole Hybrid deal, right? Long story short, Mommy had to make caps, and we’ve never knew our fathers.”

“Huh…” yeah, I got nothing after that.

Seriously! How do you follow up when your friend tells you her mother was a prostitute?

“Yeah… by what I understand, Daisy’s father was a Zebra Hybrid who was a member of the Legion. My dad was a merc who saved Mom from a Super Mutant Overlord that took control of a Minotaur Mutant hide out. So, in short, I was the freebie.” She chuckled at her rather dark joke. “Sunday and Wi-“ she stopped in mid-sentence, not just verbally, but physically. I looked back at her, and noticed a bit of a sad and worried look in her eyes. “That’s her business. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

I looked at her, a bit confused. “Did she have a Siamese twin or something?”

“What the hell is a Siamese twin?” Ragdoll looked like she took a bite of a bad peanut when I said that.

I blinked a bit, then realized my faux pas. “Right, the politically correct term is conjoined twin… still don’t get why they used to use that other term…”

Discord rolled his eyes a bit. “One bad night in New York with P.T. Barnham, that’s what.”

… What?

“I saw a pair of brothers that needed money, got them to New York, and sort of… sold them to P.T. Barnham…”

H….how?

“My body was the only thing that was turned to stone, thick head. I just… sort of… possessed a guy. You know, to cause problems.”

… You… you and I are going to have to have a long discussion listing the things you can and won’t do when your inside me.

“Pfft…”

Don’t start with me, Q!

“You alright, Jerry? You kind of blanked out there.” Ragdoll said, waking me from my other discussion.

“Y-yeah… and if you don’t want to talk about it, I gotcha. I’ll just get it from her when she’s ready to tell me.” I masterfully redirected the question… before my face was masterfully smacked by a low hanging metal sign for armor cleaning. And before I could hiss and say how much it smarted, I felt another smack to the back of the head, bringing me into unconsciousness.

“Haha!”

Shut it… DeLancey….

////////////////////////////////////////////////

Oh, that must have hurt.

Jerry took the hit to the front of his head pretty well, but when it swung around and smacked him in the back of the head. I was surprised that he hit it that hard, and that he actually managed to knock himself out. I managed to get to his side quickly enough and set him against the wall. I wasn’t as worried about his condition as you’d think, mainly because I took a look at his Pip Boy and saw that he was still in good shape. I let out a sigh of relief as I took a quick look around and noticed that we where pretty much alone in the street.

I… started to get curious and began to look through it, and found out some interesting things, namely that he had a perk called “Head-on assault”, something that made his front side of his body a lot tougher than his back side. Out of curiosity, I… um… experimented that, and poked his chest, which actually had a good amount of definition to it. His back was a bit softer, but not in a bad way.

I continued to look at the list of perks and saw one called “Unlikely Allies”. It’s description was a bit stranger than the other. “Friends come naturally to you, and you don’t really have a choice in the matter on where they come from. Just roll with it, and see where it takes you.”

It sort of made me wonder about this situation, existentially. Am I… or anyone in the gang, for that matter, friends with Jerry because we want to be? Or is it the effect of some strange unknowable power? I wouldn’t be halfway interested in him if I knew I was being manipulated to… would I? Wait, when I say “interested” I didn’t mean it like…. THAT! Platonically!

I shook my head to stay focused. I decided against looking further into the perks, not wanting to further abuse my mind with philosophical ramblings. I changed the screen, and it showed what looked like the inside of a cottage. Something straight out of a fairytale’s illustrations. It was pretty nice to look at, but I was kind of worried on what would be on it.

I had a good right to be.

On the top of the screen it slithered down. A long, snake-like body with miss-matched body parts looking right at me, wearing what looked like a maid’s outfit. He was cleaning and dusting the cottage, and I could hear his whistling from the screen. I thought little of it at first, poking at him on the screen, moving him around to watch his reaction. It was fun, till…

“Alright, Ragdoll, you’ve had your fun. Now sit yourself down on the Fat Man’s lap and behave yourself!” He half-yelled at me as I felt an unnatural pressure making me sit in Jerry’s lap. “I’m going to set some guidelines for you. No messing with the Pip-Boy is the first one, got it?”

I didn’t have the option to resist my head from nodding in agreement.

“Good. Secondly, no talking about this to anyone who doesn’t know about me. And I mean this, literally no talking. Won’t give you a chance to blow it. Understood?”

“Hai…” I said in a heavily accented, not-me voice.

“And thirdly, you make sure to keep the girls off his jiblies, alright? If he gets sexed up, he’ll die… Side effect of having awesome, next generation Pip-boys on your wrists, I’m afraid.” He said with a smirk on his face. I blushed a bit harder, and found myself unable to say anything untill the thing slid out of sight, leaving me wondering, and saying aloud…

“What the Fuck just happened?”

////////////////////

Dumbass and I walked through the streets of Buck’it Town without any problems. Our weapons where a great detractor to keep the stupider jackasses from attacking us, while I kept the (relitivly) smarter elements from getting the best of us with the use of minimal force and tactical strikes.

“Please stop kicking me in the balls!” The blonde haired human begged as his voice reached new, higher ranges that he ever knew of as he floated behind me. Whump! His body fell to the ground like a puppet with it’s strings cut.

“Then stop trying to take our caps.”

“Yes sir…” he squeaked as we left him curled up in a ball for his friends to look after. Dumbass was barely able to keep himself from laughing at the human piñata as he followed close behind me.

“Sunday, you think that they said that as an insult, or an honest mistake?” He said with a chuckle. I gave him a shove as we neared our destination, my smile the only proof I gave him that I wasn’t mad at him… yet.

“If they start more shit, you can ask him yourself.”

We stood at the store front, and saw a familiar looking face berating someone inside. The fat, red coated yet short stallion managed to stare down the taller, and obviously more powerful mare guard as he lifted up a piece of paper and brought her attention to the bill.

“... I swear by the Sun’s Blood, that if you keep on acting like a piss stain when your out in the bar, I won’t just fire you. I’ll fucking toss you to…” he stopped at he looked at us, then smirked. “I’ll toss you to Bloody Sunday. She’s a nasty butch wanna-be who’ll punch the ever loving shit out of ya. And don’t get me started on her partner there. He’d probablly bend you over and-“

“Fatass! What the actual Fuck!?” Dumbass butted in in slight anger and embarrassment. The guard, a bit more than confused, was shoed away outside to the door as we walked forward.

“I’ve got to keep my employees in line, Dumbass. And if anyone should be angry, it should be me. You guys go out for three months without saying “hello” to Good ol’ Fatty?” He was trying hard to win me and DA over.

It halfway worked.

“Well, sorry about that, Fatass. We’ve just been real busy with helping The Boss. We haven’t had the time to really come and see you.” DA stumbled as he talked with his childhood friend. “I’m sorry to ask you this, but… have you heard from Badass and Smartass recently?”

Fatass’ smile faltered as he turned back to his counter, where his guns where laid out in maticulous order, with mods and ammo boxes nearby. “Smartass is doing alright… he’s been helping some folks up north near Broken Heart. He said he might have found a shard.” He explained with an exagerated sigh. DA smiled as he heard the news, till it slowly fell.

“What about Badass?”

Fatass took out a scroll and tossed it to DA. “Here. Read for yourself.”

DA slowly unfurlled it and began to read it. I was close enough to read the paragraph near the end.

“ We are running low on food, water is being rationed, and the Enclave Outcast’s are losing a lot of ground to Unity forces. Not from a lack of trying, but because the faux alicorns don’t want to fight fair. Every time we kill their troops, they collect all the parts they can, stitch them back together, and reanimate them. The humans of Zenith have been hit hard with the Rage spells, cutting our forces down by ten percent. Our CO has been trying to hide the mini nuke launcher in his tent. We know that he plans on leaving us and the people without the means to protect ourselves, hoping the lone griffon with a pack filled with blood stained gems and caps can get by either unnoticed by Unity because of the larger population of “convertee’s”, or simply being too afraid to fight against a Fat Man toting mad-grif.

I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of this, Fatass. I know you’ll be in Buck’ Et Town, as will Wiseass. Tell the others as soon as you can. If you don’t hear from me in five months, It’s because I’m dead.

If that’s the case, remember the good times. I wish I could end this better, but I just can’t think of it right now. Don’t give Wiseass any grief, alright?

See ya later,

Badass.”

DA looked at the letter, doing his best to hide his tears as he handed it back to Fatass. “How long ago did you get it?”

“Three months ago… but word is that Zenith was flattened. Kenny’s dead, Dumbass. Just accept it.” Fatass said pretty bluntly as he rolled the scroll back up. “The Jew took it pretty well.” Fatass’ smile looked sadder, and for a brief second, forced his eyes to focus on DA. “If you guys want, I’m planning on going to the bar for a bit. He should be done with his shit.”

DA wanted to argue, I could tell, but I put a hoof on his shoulder. Fatass was a lot more hurt by this than he put on. He didn’t need a debate. He needed a friend. He looked at me, and I sighed.

“We’ll go when we finish our buisness here.” I turned to Fatass, smirking. “We’ve got crap to sell to you.” I lifted the backpack on my back with my magic and set it on the counter behind Fatass as I walked over to it. The look on his face showed that I had his attention. Anything to be there for DA. Hopfully he doesn’t take it too hard.

////////////////////////////////

I’m back…

In the dark, scary room…

And I’m pretty sure I see eyes looking at me from the shadows.

“Fricken Discord…” I say as I look at my hand to notice Discord looking at the shadows, looking… perturbed.

“Don’t give me that, Fat Boy. You didn’t notice the sign hanging right in front of you.” He defended himself with logic and concise reasoning, which made me worry. For the longest of seconds, I looked back at the darkness, hoping beyond hope that I didn’t see those red eyes looking back at me, wanting to rip my flesh from my bones.

“… what’s going on.” I ask as I finally regain the ability to talk.

“A few Discords came back, but I don’t think they are the kind you really want to meet.” He said in a refrained manner. Again, scary crap when Chaos incarnate is trying to keep a low profile.

“Is that the Lover I smell?” A familiar hiss could be heard as Discord… MY Discord, I suppose… flinched as though as if his name was thrown into his face.

I saw a figure in the darkness, slithering about just outside the light as yellowish/red eyes glowed back at us.

“You know damn well who I am, Idol.” Discord said as I noticed that the serpentine body was far from the smaller sized giant python body I expected. The section I saw must have been about as thick as a small car, and the scraping of claws on the floor sent chills up my spine. But it was when the head showed itself when it hit me.

How do you describe terror and madness in one face? It looked vaugely like the Discord I liked, that I knew, but it was lined with horns and thorns. His eyes where feline-like, and his teeth where pearly white with splotches of crimson. His smile, though…

I turned away from him, closing my eyes as I found myself panting with terror.

I wanted Randle Flag back.

“No… you don’t.” The voice… The Idol… said in his hissed way. I had thought that only Discord could read my thoughts, but I was wrong… or was I right? This was, for all intents and purposes a Discord. I suppose it doesn’t matter.

“Your right.” Discord said as he locked eyes with the monstrous version of himself. “It doesn’t matter. Idol, what brings you here? I had thought that your wishes where to be left alone in your “kingdom”. “Discord said with no shortage of courage, considering he was one step away from being a Muppet.

Idol’s smile vanished quickly as he looked at Discord. “My Kingdom is dead. And it was not by my hands.” His head slowly leaned forward, and I began to see his diseased neck, filled with sickening sores and what I thought where tumors, only to make out the faces of humans, ponies and other creatures filled with pain and a similar horror I had felt just looking at the horror.

“Serves you right, abomination.” A chuckle, one filled by hundreds of voices, entered my mind. I slowly turned and was met by eyes. Billions of eyes, and an impossibly wide mouth with untold numbers of teeth surrounded my vision, and I knew what and where I remembered this version of Discord. If I was in my body, my trousers would have been darkened.

“Scholar, none of that!” Discord actually SCOLDED the Scholar, and I swear… I think that I am just… just… wow… I think my brain broke.

“No, just read your mind to get the gist of who you are, Jerry Stein. And thank you, I do my best.”

Discord looked at me, almost glaring.

“Don’t look at me like that. I like X-Com. And the guy who wrote the fic did a great job at conveying absolute horror of the unknown. I had NO idea that he was actually real.”

“Suck up.” Discord sighed as he looked over at both of them. “Look… I don’t know what is going on. I’ve been in a computer for God knows how long…” Idol began to grin, only for Discord to bring a hand up. “No. None of that. I don’t need that right now.” Discord said as he straightened himself out. “I need-“

“No.” Idol said with a growl. “I barely have enough Chaotic energy to maintain this form on this realm. I’m waiting for one of my cults to give sacrifices so I can actually resettle someplace else, so I have to keep my energy rationed. Noticed that I didn’t try and turn your fat friend into one of those… oh, what are those little furry creatures called? Eat a lot, have no gentiles, but multiply like mad.”

It’s at this moment, I did a stupid thing. One of the greatest stupid things I have ever done in my life. I talked to the demonic spawn of some talkshow hosts with a major dragon fetish.

“Internet trolls?”

“JERRY, NO!”

Ever felt your mind breaking and reforming several dozen times in an instant? I did. It hurt. Not as much as you might think, though. But it still hurt.

Now, you’ll ask how I managed to survive that. Well, part of it was Discord. I couldn’t tell if the Scholar did anything to me, but I didn’t feel anything else.

Maybe that was for the better.

“Keep. Quiet. He doesn’t have any qualms with shattering your brain just because you gave a better quip than he had.” He turned back to The Idol, growling at him. “And YOU! You know that The Balance would hunt you down these corridors and any realm you go to if you do try and break my Host Body!”

“Correction, Lover… your host is a glorified wrist watch.” The Idol said once more, raising his head up as his claws spread out, showing him to be several stories tall and wide, and I still doubt I’ve seen him stretch to his fullest. “The fat one is simply a conduit. I could kill him with a swipe of my claw, and The Balance wouldn’t raise a finger.”

“True… but I would.” The Scholar interjected as he rose to meet The Idol’s gaze. “And the difference is that I have a surplus of energy. I don’t have any intention of giving this one a handout, but I won’t let you kill such a wonderfully demented mind, either. Besides, you’ve already had your fun with him. It wouldn’t be right to take away the fun for our brothers and sisters, don’t you think?”

The Idol glared at The Scholar. The seconds felt like hours. It wasn’t until The Idol pulled away from the light that I finally realized I was holding my breath.

Wait… this is supposed to be, like, the “Realm of the mind” or some crap like that, right? Why do I breath? I mean, honestly, my lungs aren’t even really here. It’s like my brain is saying “I’m used to breathing, so I better make sure it seems like I’m breathing, despite the lack of any organs. Enjoy.”

“Will you stop it with that? It’s ridiculous.” Discord hissed at me with annoyance. I sighed and slumped my shoulders as he continued, looking up at the two titans. “We’ve gotten off subject a bit… if it is alright with the both of you, may we continue? I wouldn’t want to keep you further.” He said sassily to the two. I’m not exactly sure it was wise to poke at these demi-gods, but what do I know? I’m just a fat guy who likes a show about multi-colored horses!

The two shifted their gaze down at Discord, and… and they began to twist and change. It didn’t take long for them to revert to their… well, I’ll just call it “default setting” to be safe, and both wore on their chests a sticker with their respective names, which was the only way to tell them apart now. The more I looked at them, the more I realized something.

What if Discord’s shape… the one in my Pip-boy, mind you… what if he really looks very different than what I see him as?

And… what would it take to release that form?

Considering that their “true forms” had nothing to do with their Names, who knows what Discord really looked like.

As that thought hit me, I realized that I wasn’t hearing the three’s conversation any longer. Not in the sense that there wasn’t any noise, but it was as if they had made the noise I heard gibberish. I stood there and waited, not knowing what was going on, and the words being said making me feel like I was being brought a hair’s width from madness.

Or, you know… dropping me in the middle of Friday night at Wal-mart. It’s pretty much the same feeling, really.

///////////////////////////

203 years before…

Donut Joe stood at the mirror at his home, straightening his tie with his magic. It was something he didn’t, exceptionally, like to do, but it was something he learned to do. One of the drawbacks of being the owner of your own business, even if it is a bakery, was the need to look sharp when you need to get a loan from a bank. He looked at his suit, and couldn’t help but smile as he remembered when he met one of Pinkie’s friends during a train ride to a bake-off in Canterlot. A very attractive unicorn that just exuded sophistication. She suggested that he should wear suits, saying he would look “dashing” in a tuxedo.

He was simply going to see friends that he hadn’t seen in years. Nothing as nerve wracking as getting a loan or looking good for a business deal here or there. But he still felt his nerves shake him as he put on his saddle bag and headed towards the door. He had an hour to get to Speedy’s apartment, which gave him just enough time to get a gift for his kids.

As he walked, he thought to himself about New Pittsburg. Since the morning he saw his old friend, Speedy, he saw the problems that where popping up in his loved home town. He saw a few stories in the newspaper about some poor bastard that was found beaten half to death right at the front of a synagogue. Some ponies thought it was the local human centric gangs that where doing some “cleaning up amongst the rabble”, as one bigoted earth pony said before he found himself being “accidentally” hit by a rock in the back of the head.

Joe didn’t do it, but he would have liked to of known who it was so he could give them a free six pack and a years supply of donuts. Yet, he digressed as his attention went to a man in a black trench coat and a matching fedora. He was about to walk past, when he noticed the man’s hand.

An almost scab-like complexion with flakes dropping down with every curling of his hand, the overpowering smell of mint that hid another scent from Joe’s more delicate nose. Before he could dismiss any of this as an early Nightmare’s Night prank, he heard the heavy breathing and noticed the swaying from the man’s stance. A ghoul that was suffering the last few stages of Elysium Sickness.

“Are you alright, sir?” He knew the answer as he walked to the man’s side, but he had to ask. The ghoul looked down at him, blinking with a smile. Joe returned the smile, a tinge of sadness as he looked up at him. “Would you like to sit down?”

“Yeah… thanks…” The sick man said as Joe let him lean against him. The two of them walked across the street to the nearest bench, where a group of children, one being the little girl from days ago, her wide, innocent eyes filled with worry as she walked over.

Joe sat next to the man and looked over at the girl standing, staring at the man. “H-hey, kiddo, why don’t you go and tell your mom to call the hosp-“

The Ghoul shook his head as he waved. “No. No hospitals.” His garbled voice was weak, but not filled with any worry. A strange phenomenon that happened as the radiation inside of a Ghoul’s body was being converted to magic was that instead of a body’s instinct to find radiation and feed driving the Ghoul feral, the body was being fed Magic energy, something the body could not use, but would sate their hunger. Normally, Ghouls would only spend a few weeks on this side of the gate without any adverse effects. Some Ghouls found the idea of a peaceful death in a beautiful world to be better than life in the Wastelands.

“Are you okay, mister?” The child asked as she walked closer to them.

Joe wanted to stop her, to chase her off, but as the man’s face turned to look at the child, he smiled warmly. “Did you know I helped with making this city?” he said with a happy sigh.

Joe couldn’t help himself as he chuckled. “We don’t even know your name, buddy.” He said as tactfully as he could.

“Huh… could have sworn I said it.” He blinked as he looked up at the buildings around him. “Just call me Zomboni… a stage name I had before The War.” He smiled down at the girl again. “Before your people where around, I was just a singer. Worked in The Green when it was just a bunch of ruins covered in moss as a lounge singer in an ugly bar. Got caught up in the fighting, and saw the Portal flicker to life. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He coughed a bit as he looked over at Joe. “Your people… God bless the lot of you, you all saved us from ourselves. You compare a human from here to one from the Wastes, and you’d see the difference almost immediately.” He chuckled a little bit, and began to cough.

Joe patted the man on the back as he noticed Zomboni take out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. “You know… before I turned into a Ghoul, I had cancer. Was given a few months. That was the day right before the bombs fell. I think I can say I beat the damn thing.” He chuckled again, smoke shooting out of his mouth in large puffs.

Joe finally shooed the little girl and the other children away as Zomboni took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts.

“How long?”

“Just a few more hours… but knowing my luck, I’ll probably last a few more years like this.” Zomboni said, his cigarette dancing on his lips as he took a few more puffs, letting the ashes fly with the night wind.

Joe sat with Zomboni, and only left after Zomboni died and his remains where taken by the city mortician. A policeman, an Earth Pony hybrid with golden orange coat, stood next to Joe as he took his statement.

“Did you know the gentleman?” The officer asked.

“No… never met him before in my life.” Joe said as a tear fell down his cheek.

The officer’s face hardened a little bit as he looked at him. “Then… why did you stay with him?” An honest question. Joe’s mind was stuck on one moment in his life.

“My mom… told me about when she worked on the other side. She was a cook at a restaurant. Her boss was a Ghoul named Gob. One of the nicest guys you’d ever meet, according to her. A former slave, a lot of shit happening to him. He didn’t talk too much about his past, but it was pretty bad. He was there for Mom and Dad when they were saving up bits to come back over to start their own business. He gave them a loan, and everything.” He gave a sad smile as he looked at the bench.

The officer nodded, hiding his own sad smile as he wrote something in a pad of paper. “So… do you know his name at least?”

“He called himself Zomboni.”

The police officer smiled and chuckled at that as he finished writing down the statement. “Heh… that would be something. I remember doing a report about the Battle of the Arch. The Ghoul Charge was one of those things I remember the most from it. If he was a part of The Charge, then he deserved a nice, quiet death.” The police officer tore a piece of paper from his note book and handed it to Joe. “I’ll get in touch with you later, sir. If you have any questions, here is the number to the local police precinct. They’ll be able to answer any questions you may have.” And with that, he left Joe.

Joe stood, looking at the bench as the hours passed. A sudden recollection of the dinner had hit him, and he cursed himself as he debated whether he should go to Speedy’s home or to go home. He decided to go to Speedy’s home, in the hopes of apologizing if they were still awake, maybe even rescheduling, but as he got to the street that they lived on, he was met by Speedy sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette.

He walked to his friend’s side, sitting next to him as Speedy took out a carton, and pulled a cig for Joe. Joe took the cigarette and put it in his mouth, and took a deep drag. They sat there, Speedy and Joe not saying a word to each other as they looked at the streets and the night sky.

Author's Note

A few things to note:

First off... Oh, Cheese and Crackers, I am sorry for taking so long with this chapter. Just to make up for it, I'm giving you a bonus chapter.

Second... I'm going to spoil a bit of who is supposed to be what when it comes to the Discords. The Scholar is actually the Discord from Arad's Stardust fan fiction. No, it's not a true crossover, more of an homage to him, to be honest (I'd recommend Stardust to anyone who likes a good read. Still don't know why people don't do more fan art of that, but I digress.) . The Idol is more or less the idea of the Evil, Chaotic god of mayhem Discord. If the Discord is just so rotten that he isn't going to be brought back by even the most adorable of Fluttershy's, then more than likely in this continuity, he's this abomination...

Third, I found the last story hard to write. I'm not a proponent of assisted suicide, but I understand that a lot of people do think the way that Zomboni feels. Joe could have called the Hospital, but they would only be able to do so much. I know that me wanting to upload this asap could have made the delivery suffer a bit, but I do hope that you guys enjoy it, even if it does make you a bit sad.

Universal constant 1:There is always a Bob

Author's Note

Woooh! Bonus Chapter! And... it's depressing. I've had some conflicts about this. Namely, should this just be a stand alone, since it's kind of... well... doesn't have anything that relates the the story at large.

Plus, it's very, very dark. I don't know if you can get darker than... well, you'll see. SO, if you guys don't like it, or if I get enough responses asking for it, I'll just move this to it's own little corner, give it the right kind of tags and all that jazz.

Hope you guys enjoy this.

Universal constant 1:There is always a Bob

Today is going to be a good day.

Today is going to be a good day.

These words continued to float within the mind of a young man with olive colored skin as he readied his tie and suit. His hair wet and combed back as he looked into the mirror. The mantra calmed him down, but only by so much. His stomach flipped and flopped with excitement as he looked at the time on the wall, then let out a happy sigh.

“So… it’s finally time.” His voice sounded much older to the young man than it should have been, but a quick shake of his head brought his focus to what was about to happen. “My little sis is getting married.” His smile grew wider as he did the best to cover his insecurities as he went to the wooden door. His hand wrapped around the knob, and turned it, only to run into his roommate and friend, a human woman with ebony skin and wearing a simple dress and scarf, looking more than a bit worried as she looked up into the young man’s eyes.

“Bob, are you alright? You’ve been in there for a while.” Her voice was filled with the same kind of worry that her eyes shown.

“Elvie… I’m just nervous.” He chuckled nervously as he looked down at her hazel eyes.

“Your still against the wedding, aren’t you?” Her worry was slowly changing into disapproval. Bob couldn’t help but shudder as he tried to look away.

“No! Look, I…” He huffed as he rubbed his forehead. “I have nothing against the guy, nor against them getting married. Hot Rod… gah, still hate his name… Rod is a good guy, but you know my thoughts on it…” He defended himself. “Besides, this day isn’t about me, and Sisters damn me if I try to ruin this day for them.” He tried to make it past Elvie, only for her hand to hold onto his shoulder gently, and turn him to face her.

Her eyes looked right into his, and for the longest ten seconds of their time together, they were quiet. She sighed and began to fix Bob’s collar. “You are a mess; you know that?” She couldn’t help but smile as she made her alterations, helping the man to look more presentable.

He couldn’t help but blush at the attention as he allowed her to work. The discomfort in his stomach returned, but he couldn’t remember why. As soon as Elvie finished, he smiled and began to back away, only to hit his hip against a nearby table, and almost like a rubber ball inside a china shop, he backed away and into another table, disturbing and eschewing several figurines and bowls. He nervously put the tables back as he laughed. “Uh… we better get to the church… Sarah is waiting, and… well… you know… hehe…”

Elvie couldn’t help but giggle at his antics as she followed him. “One of these days, boy, you’ll get it through your head.” Her smile grew as she got her purse from the first table hit and followed suit.

Bob ran through the streets of the bustling city of New Boston, doing his best to avoid the mechanical carts driven by humans and the pony drawn carriages that further congested the streets. He narrowly avoided several of them, and came close to being hit by the honking and swearing postal worker who swerved into oncoming traffic to avoid him, narrowly missing another cart as they corrected themselves.

His blind panic even made him knock an unsuspecting police officer, a poor blue coated earth stallion, into a garbage can face first unknowingly. It wasn’t till he reached his destination, the Church of St. Bartholomew, that he actually started to take deep breaths and relax, and finally realize what he had done… for the third time this year.

“Oh, crap…” He continued cursing himself as he realized whom he had shoved into the garbage can, and hoped beyond hope that he didn’t notice, or at least recognize him. After a few forced calming breaths, he made his way inside, only to be met by a refreshed Elvie smirking back at him as she sat, comfortably in a chair in the sparsely populated lobby.

“Bob… why do you always take the hard way?” She teased as Bob looked more exacerbated than embarrassed. He walked past her, sticking his tongue out at her, only to get a, to him, cute giggle back, causing him to get that familiar knot in his stomach.

It didn’t take him long to find his sister’s dressing room, guarded by her best friend, a golden haired diamond dog named Beauty, wearing a tailor made rose pink Maid of Honor’s gown that fit over her curved, humanoid body well. Her ruby colored eyes fixed on Bob as she smiled at him. “You smacked into Officer Night Stick again, didn’t you?” She teased as she lifted her large, yet slender hand up to cover her mouth as she giggled.

“Never on purpose…”

Beauty let out another giggle as she opened the door for him. “Then I suppose it’s a good thing you’re here, right?”

Bob rolled his eyes as he walked past her, and was met by several Pegasus mare’s with needle, thread, and fabric flying about the room, making last minuet alterations to other bride’s maids who stood on smaller platforms. The brides maids, all friends to Sarah, Bob’s younger sister, stood as still as they could as the tailors continued their work. In the center, given the most room, not out of some strange form of misused ego but practicality, stood Sarah, the flowing gown a marvel to Bob’s eyes as she stood as still as a statue. She looked at Bob with a warm smile as she looked at him, barely saying anything. They both stood like that, not saying a word to each other as Bob’s smile grew, and tears fell down his cheeks. He brought one hand up and gave her a thumbs up, and grinned.

“Lets knock ‘em dead, Bro.” Sarah said as she mimicked him.

“It’ll be a massacre.” He responded. The old “call and respond” phrase was an old family motto from a time when their ancestors, old guard Brotherhood of Steel, would go into battle. A quip that was used between family to strengthen bonds and to show unity between ally and intimidated enemies. When their ancestors settled Equestria, the response retained it’s meaning despite the more peaceful surroundings. Bob’s job as a Brotherhood Scribe stationed in the local instillation of the B.o.S, despite being more academic, further spurred the use of the family motto more and more.

With nothing more needing to be said, he waited to walk his sister down the aisle to wed.

//////////////////

Three years later

Bob sat in the chair as he looked at Sarah and Rod as he heard the news.

“Your… what?” He asked again, his eyes fixed squarely on Rod.

“We’re… we’re going to have a baby, Bob.” Rod said, a mix of fear and happiness in his voice.

“But… but you’re…” Bob said, trying to comprehend what he had heard. “The Department of health has said that it would be impossible, that despite how similar our DNA is, that the magic energy would…” His eyes finally fell to the coffee table in front of him. “Please, Sarah… don’t tell me you’ve been cheating on…” His mind couldn’t process what he had heard.

“Robert Sachs… look up at me now.” Sarah’s voice reached him, making Bob look up at his sister. Tears in her eyes. “You know I would never do something like that.”

“I also know science… and that you’ve been wanting children ever since you were young.” Bob’s eyes bore into Sara, scanning her for any chance that she was lying to him, and more importantly, to Rod.

He did not see her pick up the vase on the table behind her. He didn’t as much as flinch as he felt it shatter against his face. Even when the cut above his left eye forced him to close his eye, he looked at his sister return the glare with one that more than overpowered his. It was that glare that caused all the pain.

Rod gasped as he ran to Bob’s side. “Jesus Christ! Are you alright, Bob?”

Bob didn’t answer. He stood up, hiding his face from his sister as he left his own apartment.

When the doctor’s asked him about the cause of the injury, he simply blamed himself.

///////////////////////

Elvie made it as fast as she could to the hospital. As she entered, she saw the sea of bodies in the waiting room. She made it to the help desk, a mare sat with a disinterested look to her face sat down, doing paper work.

“Ma’am… ma’am, a friend of mine was admitted here. His name is Robert Sachs, goes by Bob.” Elvie asked, worry etched on her face.

“He’s seeing the doctor as we speak, He won’t be too long. The cut wasn’t that deep.” The receptionist sighed as another patient, a unicorn stallion, walked up and set the set of paper work onto the considerable stack that was near her.

Elvie stood, shocked as she looked at the receptionist. “How do you…?”

The mare smirked at Elvie. “He’s the only human that comes here, besides the janitors and the Frost-co crew looking over the protectrons. It’s hard not to remember him.” She said with a chuckle just as the door opened to show a minotaur orderly rolling Bob out with a bandage over his left brow. He had the look of shame over his face as he looked down to the ground.

Elvie couldn’t help herself, and hugged Bob. “You jerk, you made me worry.”

Bob didn’t react as he continued to look down, shame still on his face.

“Bob, are you…?” She brought Bob’s face up and looked into his eyes, the light that was usually in them a flicker now. He looked up at the orderly, worried. “Wh-what happened? Is he alright?”

The minotaur nervously fidgeted as his giant hand scratched the back of his head. “By what I heard, he’s… well, in a state of mild shock from whatever happened. He was alright not too long ago.”

Elvie looked down at Bob, then up at the orderly. “It’s alright. I think I know what’s happening. Is it alright if I take over?” She asked as she stepped up to take the wheelchair from the large caretaker.

“Sure. He’s free to go. You can leave the chair outside the door when you leave.”

Elvie smiled as she took control and took Bob outside. Parking him at a nearby bench, she sighed and sat next to him. “You know… if I was there, I probably would have said the same thing.” She said with a self-deprecating laugh. Bob didn’t say anything, but his eyes lifted up and settled on Elvie. “Yeah… I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t think the same as you in your situation. But… I also know why your sister acted the way she did.” She sighed as she patted Bob’s hand.

“She trusted me…” Bob’s voice was dry and withered.

“She did… but she forgot that your… well… your only human.” Elvie smiled as she petted Bob’s hand. “She had this huge, unrealistic ideal that she expected from you, Bob. Yes, you’re a Scribe. Yes, you’re on the frontlines of scientific discoveries, but you don’t know everything. You just know what everyone else does.” The words would seem somewhat cutting to others listening in, but Bob couldn’t help but smile as Elvie continued. “You are a good man, Robert Sinclair Sachs. This time, though, you put your brain in overdrive. So what if the Baby Isn’t Rod’s? They are sticking together. You are going to be an uncle. And if you ask for it, I know Sarah will forgive you.”

Bob’s eyes fixed on Elvie, tears forming in his eyes as he gave a small smile and brought a hand up to his mouth, to hide the small glimmer of hope he had held onto. Elvie reached forward and gave the man a hug and comforting brushes to her roommate’s hair. “It’ll be okay.”

/////////////////////////////////

Months had passed, and Bob’s wounds, both physical and emotional, had healed, both with scars still quite visible. As he mended his relationship with his sister, he asked if he could become a more prominent fixture in the process. It didn’t take long till the first check-up came, and Sarah’s doctor, an older, light blue coated mare by the name of Cold Facts looked at the ultrasound machine as she showed the signs of the new being growing inside of Sarah. As Rod and Sarah oohed and awed aver the seemingly unrecognizable series of vauge swirls and movement, Bob had begun to notice things that the Doctor didn’t notice.

“R-rod… do you have unicorns in your family?” He asked as his brow furrowed.

Rod and Cold Facts looked at the Scribe as he looked into the picture. His eyes where used to looking at such things, having to look over the holo tapes of old world research of diseases and abnormalities in children. Rod’s head nodded as Cold Facts looked at the picture with bemused interest. “My grandfather… Why?”

“Because she is going to be taking after him. Congratulations.” Bob said, a wide, happy grin on his face as he watched Rod and Sarah celebrate quietly together. Rod was too busy holding onto his wife to notice that Cold Fact’s eyes seemed to narrow at the screen.

//////////////////////////////////////

Eight months later…

Bob ran into the waiting room, wearing his scribe uniform as he looked about. He saw Rod pacing near the door leading to the delivery room, with Beauty sitting nearby with her new boyfriend, a human from the NCR named Bibbs. As he walked to the small group, Bob’s eyes looked at Rod and locked on, giving him a reassuring smile. The two had become more sociable since the ultra sound, before they were more on neutral terms. They knew that the other cared for Sarah, and that despite how protective he could be, that Bob was more than willing to relinquish his duties as the protector of his sister to the capable hooves of the mechanic.

They were now on equal footing. This situation was out of both of their hands, and they needed each other for support.

“How are you holding up, Rod?” Bob asked as he got closer to him.

“She’s… well, she was good when we got here. The doctors would come in every once in a while, and give us some updates, but nothing has really happened.” He explained as Bob looked at the door.

“Did they say anything about letting you be by her side?” Bob asked again as he wiped his forehead from sweat.

“They… wait, what?” Rod looked at Bob with confusion and a bit of worry. “Th-they said that humans don’t want their mates to be by their side when the females are in labor. It’s what I was told by the Doctors here.”

Bob’s eyes widened as he looked down at his brother-in-law. He looked back at the door as a doctor walked back out in scrubs and a strange look to his face. He was a lime green unicorn with an uneasy look about him as he stepped forward. In his wake was a human in priestly garments and the Minotaur orderly, both with an uneasy look in their eyes.

“Mr. Rod… I need to speak with you…” The doctor said in a low, nearly whispering tone. “Preferably in private.” With that, Rod’s legs began to tremble, making him sit down onto the floor. Bob quickly came to his side and put a hand on his shoulder as he locked eyes with the Doctor. That was when he saw it.

It was only a glimmer, but it was a look that Bob was used to seeing in his life. Annoyance and nervousness, directed at him.

“I think it would be best if I stayed by his side for now, Doctor…”

“Life Line. Doctor Life Line, head of surgery.” He introduced with a fake kind of consideration. “I do not think that friends and extraneous family members should have to-“

“Extraneous?” Bob did his best to hide the full brunt of his anger from Life Line as he narrowed his eyes slightly. “I’m your patient’s brother. Her only brother. And my brother-in-law needs me. I can’t think of anyone else who is qualified to help him out.”

Life Line closed his mouth and, after taking a deep breath, let out a sigh as he motioned for the pair to follow them to a less populated corner of the waiting room. Rod sat down, tears ready to fall as the Priest knelt by him and patted Rod on the back as Life line continued. “Your wife is doing fine, but… I’m sorry to say this, but your child didn’t make it.” The Priest said in a calm, comforting voice. Bob saw from the corner of his eyes that Life Line flinched slightly, and then the nervous swaying of the orderly.

Rod was speechless, but Bob latched onto the situation like a hungry dog on a bone. “How did it happen?” Bob looked over at the Doctor, fixed on him as he waited for an answer.

“Unforeseen complications. As magic entered the fetus’ body, it overloaded its heart and stopped beating.” Life Line answered with glare at Bob.

“Magical electricity is less than a mild static shock for baby unicorns. How could it possibly have gotten strong enough to stop a still beating heart?” Bob’s voice became more and more harsh as the Doctor returned the glare. If it wasn’t for Rod holding onto Bob’s shirt, the human wouldn’t have noticed that the minotaur orderly, while having a lot of unease and even guilt, was ready to get into a fight if Life Line gave the signal.

The Priest stepped between the two groups, and Bob’s glare turned to him for an instant. The Priest shook his head to stop Bob’s interrogation. Life Line turned to Rod with a sigh. “You have my condolences.”

Rod began to sob, his kind heart, even when being torn by such events, was strong enough to not resort to any angry outbursts. The Priest attended to Rod, patting his shoulder as the doctor almost callously turned and walked away, leaving the minotaur behind.

The minotaur waited for Life Line to get out of earshot as he looked at Bob, then came closer. “One hour. Parking garage in the corner of the block. Come alone.” He said as quietly as he could.

Bob’s emotions had melted from his face as he stood by Rod as the others came and surrounded him, comforting him as best as he could. The next nurse who came out said that Sarah was still unconscious since the surgery, and that only Rod could go in to her side. It suited Bob well as he walked out and began to make his way to the parking garage when time allowed him so.

The dark nooks and crannies was more than enough cover for the minotaur as Bob looked him over. The Minotaur tossed Bob an envelope.

“What’s this?” Bob hissed as he opened the tan envelope and brought out a list of names and a single photo. The photo was of a small family, a human man, a unicorn mare, and a strange child that had the traits of both parents, all giving a gentle smile to the camera wearing sturdy but well-made clothes. As Bob looked down at it, he realized what it was he was looking at. “How…? How did this NOT get published in the Ministry of Health!?”

“Somepony higher up have been keeping it a secret. The family lives in the NCR, and some scientists thought that since the other side doesn’t have as strong as a magic field now, that it allowed the child to survive, but…” The minotaur looked over his shoulder as he got closer. “… there is talk that that’s not the case. The Princess has been trying to investigate what is going on personally, but the Minister of Health and the Minister of Arcane Study have been putting up road blocks. The Family isn’t allowed into Equestria because they say that the girl couldn’t survive the trip, and they even tell her that her being in their presence could kill the girl. Since the Princess is not one to put the lives of children at risk, she hasn’t forced her hoof on it, waiting till the girl is older so she can make the decision.”

Bob looked at the minotaur as he clinched his jaw. “Are you saying that-”

“There is another paper in there you should look at.” The minotaur interrupted, pointing at the envelope.

Bob continued to pull out more and more papers. Records of hybrid’s being born on the other side of the portal. What he had noticed, though, was the numbers. “Most of these are near the St. Louis Territories. That could be explained that there are more ponies in those areas.” He explained away.

“Look at the mortality rates, though…”

Bob did. His teeth ground as he found something disturbing. The mortality rate increased the farther from the portal the births took place, but even the farthest accounts, the mortality rate never got above 9 percent. “They aren’t dying from magical energy?” Bob growled, then looked up at the minotaur.

“That’s been my guess. But I haven’t seen anything to suspect foul play.” The minotaur said as he crossed his arms.

Bob looked at the minotaur as he began to look him over. “Your with the Solar Guard, aren’t you?”

The minotaur gave a half chuckle as he rubbed his forehead. “Investigator Strong Will. There is one in each of the major hospitals in the kingdom. The only places that don’t have them are the frontier areas like Ponyville and the like.” He sighed. “I wish I could help more, but…”

“Will there be an autopsy?” Bob interrupted again, his voice cold but the harshness kept out as he looked at the papers in his hands.

“Yes, but it’ll only support what Life Line said.” Strong Will said, exacerbated as he tried not to make eye contact with Bob. “I’ve had video on him since I started working here. He hasn’t shown any kind of motivation or unusual actions between operations.”

Bob closed his eyes as he put the papers back into the envelop. “I want to see the video of the surgery.” His voice was shaken, but when he opened his eyes again, they were filled with an angry sorrow. Strong Will only nodded as he walked him over to his vehicle, a large, boxy self-driving wagon that had seen better days. He opened a side door, and motioned for Bob to get in.

“We’ll be going to a colleague’s home. She’ll show you the recording.” He instructed Bob, who climbed into the carriage and sat down, waiting for Strong Will to close it. Strong Will closed the door and sighed heavily as he went to the driver’s door and started the quiet, somber journey. Strong Will heard in the back seat sobbing and crying, but said nothing, the discomfort and wrath fed sorrow flooding into the air. It was a good thing that it didn’t take long to reach the apartment complex. As soon as Strong Will turned off the engines, the sobbing stopped, and the passenger door opened, allowing him to slid out. Strong Will followed suit and saw Bob using his arm sleeve to dry any tears on his face as he allowed Strong Will to lead.

They made their way into the unassuming apartment building, and Bob was surprised that the first apartment was where Strong Will stopped, giving a hard knock that rattled the door frame. In only a matter of seconds, the door opened and there stood a tall, skinny diamond dog with wide, yellow eyes and a very nervous twitch.

“Damn you, Will! You break my door down like that, and the Sup is going to treat me like his bitch!” The gravely smokers voice seeped out of the Diamond Dog’s throat as she shakily put an already lit cigarette to her mouth and gave a quick drag. Strong Will walked in with little pomp and circumstance as Bob struggled to keep both the figures in his vision, just now realizing the stupid mistake he had made in following a stranger into an unknown location. His fears died down as Strong Will went to the Diamond Dog’s old TV set and turned it on, then punched unknown numbers into it to change the static filled screen into a strange menu.

He had no time to analyze the screen further as an image flickered to a delivery room. He looked on as he saw his sister gripping and crying out. He could make out the words “I want my husband” coming to her lips as pain entered her eyes. A nurse walked over and injected something into her arm without warning, and almost immediately, she went limp.

“You… you aren’t supposed to put a pregnant woman under like that… it’s supposed to go into the lower back, and she’s supposed to stay awake. What did they give her?” He asked as he looked up at Strong will as the figures continued preparing for the operation.

“We don’t know at the time being. Whatever it is, it’s strong…” Strong Will said as he continued looking on.

The surgery was quick and uneventful as Life Line showed his talent. Using his magic carefully and with precision, he moved and ordered his staff about, his attention devoted to keeping himself at his work. As he got to the end, gently pulling the baby out of the incision, Bob noticed something. Not in Life Line, but in the nearby nurse. She had in her eyes a kind of hatred that Bob only saw in a few of the raiders in the wasteland when they see an equestrian of any species. One brought out from ignorance and fear.

Life Line smiled as he looked at his handy work, and looked at the baby in his gentle, telekinetic grasp. He then handed her to the nurse’s telekinetic grasp next to him, and turned to close up Sarah.

That was when Bob noticed a slight, nearly insignificant flash of light on the nurse’s horn, and the sudden explosion of activity as the nurse “attempted” to preform CPR to the little body. Other nurses came to her side to assist in any way they could, and Life Line turned back in horror and anger as he looked over what was going on.

Bob’s eyes filled with hot, angry tears as he looked on. “HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE THE NURSE USING A BOLT SPELL!?” He roared at the investigator who was had pauses the video as he looked back at Bob, confused.

“What do you mean? What did you see?”

Bob fumed more as he pointed at the image. “THIS! THE NURSE USED A BOLT SPELL!” He began to walk back and forth, his anger and sorrow building up. The spell was a favorite for unicorn doctors to use to defibrillate the heart, a cheaper alternative for the paddles, making a mandate that every floor of a hospital had to have a unicorn present to perform the spell in case of emergencies.

“Hey… HEY!” Strong Will grabbed hold of Bob by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “Are you sure that it was a bolt spell? No flashes or lens tricks?” Strong Will asked carefully as Bob stopped thrashing about.

“I work with camera’s every day. Recording information, looking over video’s from the past.” Bob seethed from between his teeth as he stared daggers at Strong Will.

“…damn me to Tarterus.” Strong Will cursed himself as he turned back to the image. “Damn me to Tarterus for not seeing this sooner.” Despite the anger in his voice, the minotaur smiled as he turned to the Diamond Dog who stood nearby watching everything play out like a bad drama. “Clover, get the Chief. We have a suspect.” Strong Will turned to Bob with the same angry smile on his face. “I don’t think I have to ask this, but can you help us?”

“I won’t be helping you.” Bob said as he turned to walk to the door. “I’m helping my family.”

////////////////////////////////

Two days later….

She couldn’t help but smile.

Urgent Care stood in the locker room, the unicorn mare’s hair a mess from the long 20-hour shift. She loved the adrenalin rush, though. She loved helping her fellow ponies in their darkest hours. And in her more… generous days, even helping a griffon or a minotaur who had an unfortunate accident. This day was one of those days as she had found herself helping a small griffon family as their youngest child had hurt herself when she had hurt her front claw as she was getting out of one of the abominable self-driving carriages.

She couldn’t help but smile to herself as she remembered the small fledgling’s smile as she was treated, even when she had to get stitches on her claw. It warmed her heart as she remembered the small griffoness hug her. She put her hat into her locker as she put her saddle bags on her back as she noticed movement in the corner of her eyes. She ignored it and closed her locker as she turned, almost running into what she thought was the orderly, doing a check of the rooms.

“Sorry about that, Will…” That was when she realized that she was looking at the pants leg of a human. She recognized the fabric almost immediately, and looked up to a shadowy figure. “S-sir… you aren’t supposed to be here…” She felt her voice quieting down as he looked down at her. The eyes almost looked empty. That was until his hand gently moved up to a pocket and pulled something out.

“No, I think I am.” His voice was ragged. She finally got a look at his face. It was unkempt, with stubble and puffy eyes. She realized that she wasn’t looking at an empty, soulless monster as he pulled out a syringe.

“Stay away.” She warned as she began to furrow her brow, ready to fight. She saw the eyes look right at her, unflinching as she finally noticed where he was going with the needle. It pushed into his skin, and the contents slowly emptied into him as he let out a hiss.

“Are you familiar with the effects of Hydra, Miss Care?” the man asked as the empty syringe dropped to the floor as his hand went back into his pocket to pull out a scalpel.

She was frozen with terror, not knowing what this man was about to do, and hoping that it didn’t involve her and the sharp object in his hand.

“I’ll tell you…” He dragged the sharp blade where his pinky met his hand and began to slice into it. She could tell that he was filled with Med-X with how he didn’t even flinch from the interrupted pain signals, and it didn’t take long till his pinky fell to the ground with a sick plink. She couldn’t help but watch the self-mutilation as the wound where the pinky once was, was now a small nub of flesh as it began to regrow. “It regrows parts of the body that was injured. Really simple, but the pain is intolerable. Many people think that regrown or artificially knitted together wounds is the same as fixing the problem naturally. It isn’t. The damage that is done is done, and nothing really feels right after a digit regrows. You remember how it used to feel, and it’s never the same.”

His eyes looked right into Urgent Care’s eyes, her very being, and she almost realized what he was getting at.

“You hurt my sister. You tore from her and her husband’s arms a part of them that can’t be fixed. Not time, not stim-pacs, and especially not hydra. I saw what you did, and I will drag you out into the light of day, and see you thrown into the St. Louis territory penal colony.” His voice was cold, his eyes blank yet piercing, and his hand’s bloodied as he dropped the scalpel to the ground, and he turned to walk away, leaving behind the syringe and the scalpel.

Urgent Care looked down, and her eyes began to focus as anger began to replace her fear.

“How dare you…” She muttered aloud as her horn glowed, and the scalpel was lifted up. “You and your mongrel race came to our world, and in her pity, the Princess took you in, not knowing that you were a plague!” She seethed as she picked up the syringe. The man paid no mind to her words till the syringe was thrown through the air and pinned his hand to the door.

To her surprise, he didn’t cry out, meaning that he had emptied an entire syringe into his system. He managed to move himself so he could look back at Urgent Care, his eyes still looking at her with the same kind of anger he had before.

“The Purebloods will keep you from polluting our world with your kind’s sickness. Your inventions, while convenient, are a travesty to the ponies. When we finally have the chance, we will round you up and send you back to your hell, and if any of your kind’s progeny exist in the frontier, we will clean it from our people. You will finally die out in the eternal war you created, and we can finally breath easily.” She walked forward, twirling the blade about.

His eyes didn’t change.

His lips didn’t snarl.

His breathing was easy and in control.

He didn’t care what was happening to him.

“I suppose it’s different when you are killing someone that can actually talk back, isn’t it?” He said with a monotone voice.

“I didn’t kill anyone. I was curing a disease from Equestrian soil.” She defended as she held the blade forward, but she found her fear returning with growing intensity.

“No. You broke my sister’s heart. You battered a good man’s soul as he tries to consul his wife.” He reached out, and let the scalpel stab him in the palm as he pulled it from Urgent Care’s grasp, then removed it with his teeth as his hand healed with a scar. He pulled on his other hand and managed to free himself from the trap. He looked down at the now thoroughly unhinged nurse, and opened the door, revealing the Strong Will and a few solar guards looking in with a stern look. “And you just killed your own future.”

Strong Will stepped forward, wearing a trench coat over solar guard armor as he pulled out a scroll. “Ms. Urgent Care, by order of the Celestial Diarch, Princess Celestia, I place you under arrest for the murder of Kelsie, daughter of Hot Rod and Sarah Sachs. You are to be imprisoned till you are arraigned, and you will only have access to your lawyer till you have been given a psychological exam to determine your capability to stand trial. Do you understand your rights?”

Before she could answer, a ring was forced on her horn, and she felt the magic blocked from her will. Her eyes looked over to the human. “… I hope she’s barren and the poor fool leaves her to the gutter like the trash she is.”

And with that, fire erupted from the spark of anger in the human’s eyes as he leapt towards her, his thin arms flailing as he began to shout and growl at her as Strong Will grabbed hold of him and kept him from the unrepentant unicorn as the other guards grabbed hold of her and removed her from the room. The last thing she had seen as she was led out, the man collapsing into Strong Will’s arms, bawling like a child.

And she couldn’t help but smile.

////////////////

A month had passed. The trial was beginning within the next week, and Bob sat at the table, looking down at the food in front of him. Sarah and Rod buried Kaylie, and they received an unexpected guest, a representative of the Solar Court who handed the couple a letter written by Princess Celestia personally, offering her condolences at what had happened. They were invited to come to Canterlot at any time to personally speak with her when they were ready.

Bob himself was given a commendation by the Solar Guard for his assistance, and a letter from Princess Celestia as well. He had read it several times, and began to hate it. He was grateful for her intentions, and could never hold it against his ruler. But the words only made his wounds hurt more.

He had tried to throw it away many times, but he could never bring himself to do it.

“A bit for your thoughts?” Elvie’s voice cut through his, by his assumption now, self-destructive meditation. She sat down beside him and the two locked eyes.

“I… Elvie… how can we live here?” He didn’t waste time, and simply let it out with a labored, sad sigh.

Elvie could feel what he meant. The betrayal, the thought that something so dark was hiding under cheerful smiles and kind words just made everything around them feel oppressive.

“I walked down the street, and everypony couldn’t look me in the eyes. I tried to talk with Mr. Green Bean at the market, and… and he started crying. His son chased me away, thinking I had done something to him.” Bob continued as he looked at his hands. “Are we cursed? Was she right about us?”

Elvie reached out and forced Bob to look him in the eyes. “Don’t you ever say that, Robert. I don’t know who filled that mare with those thoughts, but it was probably from something that existed long before Celestia allowed the first humans to walk into her courts. We’ve fought wars… that isn’t anything new. You’ve heard it from your grandfather about the War of the Green, or how the wasteland was created. But this world has seen its share of war, as well. Their wars, our wars, they are the same. War never changes. It’s how we fight them that can change. These Purebloods had the upper hand for Lord knows how long, but now that we know the enemy, we can fight back. They use hate, we’ll use love. They kill our children, we’ll teach theirs. In the end, history will show that we were the ones with the strength. That we forgave, and remembered. We loved and lost. That we existed. We will endure this, Robert Sachs.” She held onto his hands as she continued to look into his eyes. “And if you want, I will endure alongside you.”

Bob’s eyes fluttered as he looked at Elvie for the longest time. His lip quivered as his hand reached up and touched her face. His anger, his sadness, while still in his heart, died down as calm pounded into his chest. He leaned forward, and gave his roommate, his best friend, and now closest loved one a kiss to, at least for a time, comfort him from the maelstrom to come.

//////////////////////////////////////////

“It didn’t take long for the Pureblood supporters in the hospitals to be found and arrested. Several of them had been told that, in case of being discovered, that they would be protected by their benefactors from trial. Several found the truth to be far crueler. Seven of the culprits where found, killed by strangulation or stabbing. Those that survived and where smart enough began to name names, showing the contacts and select leaders within the groups, and given reduced sentences at the Montgomery penal colony, only a few miles from The Big Green. The so-called “True Believers”, however, were the first ponies in the history of Equestria to be executed for their heinous and disturbing crimes.”

Twilight looked at the paragraph she had written and rubbed her eyes. Her breathing was steady as she put the pen down and she felt like she could almost see Robert S. Sachs when she closed her eyes. She researched about this bloody time in Equestrian history, now known as the “Trial by Blood”. A time where humans where only a generation removed from when they lived in the wasteland, barely surviving, and many where viewed as beasts of burden as they tried to find a place to call their own. Despite the horrors that where transgressed against them and their loved ones, when the human victims had heard of it, there was very few accounts of violence towards the hospital staff, save for one when a drunken man walked into a waiting room and tried to punch the secretary in the waiting room, an earth stallion named Steel Jaw. Regretfully for the man, the stallion’s name was very appropriate, since he broke his hand after the first and only strike.

But the story of Robert Sachs and his family didn’t end with the discovery of the Purebloods. He continued to work as a Scribe in the Brotherhood of Steel, but with renewed vigor began to talk with those who would that the best way to keep others from being afraid of the humans was to include the people of Equestria, all of them, into the organization. An, originally human centric organization with few government oversight needed to be restructured and allow others in, in his opinion. It took a few years, but a compromise was made. They established the Steel Legion, a separate organization that was under direct control of Princess Celestia, and made it so that THEY were the ones to overlook and critique the Brotherhood. At first, it looked to be a solution that was completely one sided, but when one final addendum was made, where the head of the Brotherhood could be nominated from either branch, the worries where diminished, but never truly gone.

During all of this, Robert had gotten married to Elvie, was there when Sarah and Hot Rod had another child, a boy named William Sullivan Rod-Sachs. Robert and Elvie had a child of their own that they had named Twilight Moon Sachs, a famed medical biologist who made a transfusion treatment for mare’s that lowered miscarriages, and the person that Twilight was named after.

Twilight couldn’t help but smile at all the things she had read about. The contributions and fights just a handful of people had changed so many other’s lives. She was encouraged to do more as she read and re-read these stories when she was growing up, but it wasn’t until she was an adult when the full brunt of what had happened to these people hit her.

It still scared her about what her own kind could do when they were afraid… or didn’t care.

“Miss Princess Sparkle?” A small voice rose from behind the mare, making her turn around to see a young boy, a human that she had seen on the streets helping his parents sell fish to the other humans that lived in Ponyville. She couldn’t put her hoof on the name of the small, brown skinned boy in front of her. “I… I have a project I gotta do for Ms Cheerilee’s class about the Brotherhood of Steel, an’ I was hoping that you could help me out.”

As she heard the young boy’s nearly hidden lisp, his name returned to her like a boomerang. “Alex! Of course…” She smiled warmly as she walked over to his side. “So, what exactly are you wanting to look up?” She asked as she looked down at the boy.

Alex fidgeted as he looked behind her, interest on his face. “Well, I haven’t really gotten anything yet…” He rolled his head a bit, obviously trying to keep his eyes away from Twilights, till he saw a picture in the pages of Twilight’s manuscript of a thin scribe standing proudly. “Can I ask what you’re lookin’ at, Miss Sparkle?”

Twilight looked back at her work, then back at Alex. To a normal person, there was only a few seconds hesitation. Yet, for Twilight and her quick mind, it felt like hours. She debated how she should handle the situation. Should she tell Alex of one of the darkest moments of Equestrian history? What would give her the right to do so? Was he too young to comprehend what had happened? If she didn’t, who would?

She forced a smile on her face when she came to the decision. “Alex… there are a lot of moments in our history that we don’t like remembering…”

“like the Battle of the Sisters?” Alex answered, which made Twilight’s smile seem more genuine, not because of that he was right, but that he was understanding her.

“Yes, like the Battle of the Sister’s. But, we have to remember. We have to tell the next generation about what happened, so they can fight against it better prepared.” She stopped herself before she went on her tangent. “This man is one of the heroes of Equestria during one of those times. If you want, I can tell you a bit about his story.”

Alex’s eyes were locked on the picture till he heard the offer from Princess Twilght. As he looked up at her, she could see an excited smile stretch over his face as he nodded furiously. “Yeah! I mean… ah….yes, I would like to hear about him.” His eyes shined with awe and wonder for an instant, then dimmed just a little bit. “Does his story have a happy ending?”

Twilight paused once more at the simple, honest question.

For the first few seconds, she couldn’t answer, till she remembered something that her mother told her about good stories. “The story is still being written, Alex. A good story doesn’t have an ending. We just follow new characters.” With a warm smile, she led Alex over to the book and began her story about a man and his love for his family.

Chapter Nine: And thats why we can't have nice things!

Meanwhile…

I stood at the mirror, and wondered how I got to be so old.

My beard had stripes of grey in it, my once brown hair was cut short, but I could see gray on my sides. It was a nice look, I suppose, but when you could have sworn that you had fewer wrinkles and smooth as silk skin on your chin the last time you looked in the mirror, it’s unsettling to see...

I didn’t have time for this. My eldest son is missing, and here I am wondering how I got old. Maybe that’s the reason he left.

I turned on the water and cupped my hands under, and splashed myself. He might not have left. It’s not like him to walk away from things that are important.

“You thought that before about when he left school.” A darker part of my mind said to me. It didn’t feel right. It was like someone was trying to embitter me. I fought it.

“Shut up.”

The feeling subsided for now, and I finished cleaning myself up. I put on my shirt and jeans as I walked to Jerry’s room. It was the same as it was when he left… no, went missing. I KNOW he didn’t just run away.

It was a total mess. I told him time and time again to clean it up, and he didn’t.

I walked into the room and saw his clothing strewn about the floor, his books covering his bed. Untold number of candy wrappers and water bottles as far as the eye could see. And his desk filled with those damn pony and anime figures.

He wasted so much of his time with these stupid and useless things, and it made me angry. He’d spend so much time after work watching those stupid shows, and reading those stupid stories, and when he was done with that, he couldn’t find the time to clean his own room.

Because he was cleaning the kitchen, the living room, the bathrooms, the…

I stopped myself there. I kept on forgetting how much he had done for us because of one damn mistake! I never told him that it was alright. That he didn’t have to keep on beating himself up because of something that didn’t matter now. I hate the fact that I let him hurt that badly.

I sat on his bed and picked up one of his figurines. A regular horse… well, regular being relative when you’re talking about cartoon horses that can be almost every color and horns and wings. She had a few apples on it’s butt, with them tramp stamps or whatever their called. She wore a Stetson hat, and I remember a bit about her from what Jerry told me about her. Applejack, like the cereal. Owned an apple orchard, almost as redneck as I am, as he said it.

I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I’m guessing he was trying to say she worked hard. If a show said that being a hard working blue collar man is a good thing, then God bless them for passing that down to the next generation. More folks who know how to work a drill without putting a hole through the floor the better.

But I’d trade them all just so I can have my boy.

/////////////////////////

Bloody, Fat Ass, and me walked into a bar, with Bloody holding onto two nicely filled sacks of caps. I wanted to hold them myself, but she didn’t like that very much. She said that The Boss was the only one to hold onto her sacks. Don’t know why she slapped me when I repeated that to her. I was only making sure I got it right. Fat Ass didn’t stop laughing till we got to The Cider House. Still trying to figure out what was funny.

I love the guy, but sometimes he’s kind of a jack off. We continued to walk through the dark, musky bar, and noticed that it was pretty busy. Folks all around, some were merc’s like us, others where locals who wanted to hear about far off massacres and how crappy life was in other places so they can appreciate their little slice of crap pie. Then, there was my buddy Wise Ass, but most folks just called him Golden Script.

He was older than us by a few years, but the way that he worried, he seemed to age a bit qucker than the rest of us. I guess when you’re trying to stay in one place, not get noticed and all that, you just start falling apart.

“Hey, Jew. Steal any caps lately?” Fat Ass asked as he walked over and sat next to Golden Script at the table he was sitting at. Script was wearing his yamaka and nursing a bottle of hard cider as he looked up at Fat Ass with a little bit more than a little disdain.

“Funny, I was about to say the same thing, especially after what I heard about the Faux Plasma Pistols.” Script lifted the bottle up with his hoof and took a drink.

“Hey! How was I supposed to know they were just repurposed Coolers? And it’s not like they didn’t work… just not in the way they were meant to.”

“How did you use sex toys as Plasma Pistols?” I had to ask. Who knows? Maybe I could get Sunday one.

Fat Ass smiled as he turned back to me. “Good question, Dumb Ass! Just so happens that there is a little enchantment that you do that-“Golden Script cleared his throat, cutting Fat Ass off as he looked at us.

“I respect your sense of curiosity, Dumb Ass, but I highly doubt that you should encourage our venture capitalist further.” Golden Script said, raising an eyebrow to Fat Ass as he noticed that he still had a smile on his face. “You alright, Lard Butt? You look a bit more out of it than usual.”

Fat Ass’ face contorted, like he was surprised to be seen with the smile, then changed his lips to a smirk as he leaned away from Golden Script to order a drink. “Bite me, Jew.”

“I would, but Judaism has the whole ‘Don’t eat pig’ thing. But your welcomed to try and blow me.” Golden Script said in a very smooth manner, like how the Boss talks when she is trying to explain to Sunburn that you can’t use a sledge hammer to open canned goods.

“What is wrong with you, Rabbi Tuck-a-man? You switching over to being a colt-cuddler all of a sudden?”

“Nope. Simple mistake, really. Your man-tits made you look like a woman. Besides, for all intents and purposes, your dick is legally dead. No evidence of it’s existence means that you are a male in name only.”

I miss this. Having the guys around and joking, having fun. I couldn’t help but smile at the banter as Sunday sat next to me at the bar. “So… how about if I get you a drink? Things have been crazy the last few days.” She seemed like she was stepping on eggshells, not wanting to bring “that” up. It’s kind of nice.

“Yeah… especially with Jerry appearing and all that…”

Golden Script stopped his insult in mid-sentence and looked at me and Sunday, an eyebrow raised. “Jerry wouldn’t happen to be a human, would he?”

I smiled back at Golden Script as I nodded. “Yeah. He showed up at our current place not too long ago. He’s got a string of luck that is mind boggling. According to him, he’s from another world that isn’t connected to The Wastes. Weird guy. Not the bad kind of weird, the good kind.”

“Did he, by any chance, have a unicorn filly that he was looking after?” Golden Script asked.

“Well, not when he first showed up. He, sort of got kidnapped by Bad Dreams on his first day working for us. Then, something blew up, we killed a few guys, Jerry rode a Sentry Bot, and then crushed a Night Mare under rubble. Then he freed the kid, and by what the Boss said, she was going to be killed by the rotten whores. She couldn’t stay away from him till now.” I explained as I was given a strange look by Golden Script. I looked over at Sunday, confused. “Did I say something wrong? I don’t think I said anything anti-septic on accident... like last time, when I accidentally said you where-“

“Hey, Dumbass, calm down. You didn’t upset him.” Fat Ass reassured me as he rolled his eyes. He then turned to Golden Script. “What’s on your mind, Jew Boy?”

Golden Script smiled as he turned back to us. “Nah… nothing bad.” He had that look on his face. Like he had a lot on his mind… or he has gas. Kind of hard to tell the difference at times.

I didn’t say anything as I looked at the bottle in front of me. I took a sip of the cider in the bottle, and noticed it was the regular kind. I looked over at Sunday who didn’t even bother sipping her bottle. She was eyeing everyone else’s hard cider, like how Jerry looked at those Fancy Lads the other day. I patted her on her hoof that was resting on the table, just trying to be a good friend. She looked at me, blinking. Then she pulled her hoof away, and then turned away from me.

It’s official. I’ll never understand mares.

///////////////////

I stirred awake, feeling something on my lap as I remembered bits and pieces of what had happened with Discord and… Discord… and Discord?

Damn, my brain hurts.

The first thing I notice is that the thing on my lap was furry, and taking deep breaths. Too big to be Rachel. Too small to be Flure. Wait, why would Flure be on my lap? Never mind, focus.

“Ragdoll?” I mutter as my eyes open up. “Why are you on my lap?”

She continues to sit on my lap, looking away like she was a statue. “Uh… huh… good question… Um…” She continued to stumble around with her words for a bit longer before she looked down, then looked over her shoulder. “Discord made me do it?”

Oh, crap. She knows?

“Yep.” Discord said, stifling a giggle as he appears in my vision.

“Shut up, Discord.” I mutter out loud as I hold onto the back of my head, nursing the welt that was forming.

“What did he say?” Ragdoll looked up at me nervously, still on my lap. She looked downright adorable.

Oh, Dear Lord, please not now…

“Uh... Yep.”

She blinked a bit, then climbed off my lap as I saw a bit of a blush on her cheeks. “G-good. Was thinking he’d go and tell you a few lies.”

“Oh, she’d be the one to lie, especially after she fondled your backside.” Discord said with both hands covering his mouth as he did his best not to laugh.

“You touched my butt!?”

“I did not! He is lying!”

“She felt you up, then sat on your lap. I had to make sure she didn’t do anything unsavory.”

“YOU TOUCHED MY BUTT!” I think I’m livid, and honored at the same time. Never been the target of groping before.

“No, I was testing something out!”

“See? She was experimenting with your body!” Discord said with a chuckle.

“Look at your Pip Boy and look under perks!” Ragdoll sounded like she was begging me. I kept my eyes on her till I looked at the screen labeled “perks”, and right there was Head-on Assault, with an odd little description on it.

I couldn’t help but poke my chest, noticing how firm it was, then to my back. The difference between the two was… surprising. And disturbing. “Discord, why didn’t I get to choose the perks?”

“One of the perks of being an OS.” And he pointed to another perk that was highlighted and named “Second Opinion” “If I view something needs to be changed, I do what I can to change it.” Discord explained as he pulled out a game controller. “Besides, you’d pick all the boring ones with cool sounding names.”

“What did he say?” Ragdoll asked.

I groaned as my face got reacquainted to the palm of my hand. “Short version is that I’m dumb and he’s smart.” I noticed the other perk, “Unlikely Allies”, and I could feel the blood leave my face.

“… I didn’t choose that one, if you’re wondering.” Discord sounded a bit more serious. “Major disadvantage of this line of self-growth is that sometimes other forces are putting their fingers into what’s going on. You might be able to make a few choices here and there, but don’t count on it.”

My brain freezes as I consider what is going on. Someone else… something else could be manipulating what is going on with me. I don’t like that. Does that also mean that Fluer and the others were planted where they were to meet up with me? Maybe all of this could be staged. But then, in a way it is.

“Ragdoll… have you ever thought about how God does things?” I couldn’t help myself as I found myself look up into the grey and blue sky.

Ragdoll looked at me, then up to where I was looking, as though as if I had seen God on a cloud or something. “hmm… I don’t tend to think about any kind of god, really. Too much going on down here to worry about what’s going on up there.”

I sighed as I closed my eyes. “Yeah… I could understand that. Just that… I read something made by an author. He said that stories are ways to understand the world around us, and that the struggles of the protagonists tend to be ways for the author to either shed light on the world to show what is wrong or what is right with it, or to give folks an example of what should be or shouldn’t be done.”

“You’re talking about predestination, aren’t you? I mean, you’re saying it in a rather roundabout way. I think that’s called predestination.”

“That’s the word for it? Huh… well, I learned something new. My point is, what if me meeting you guys and all that was to… you know… help people out? That God… or whatever is pulling the strings in this situation… is setting things up for us.”

Ragdoll looked like she was thinking it over, her eyes moving like she was scanning over an unseen chart. “I can see your point. I’m not going to agree fully, but I won’t dismiss it. I’ll need to think it over a bit more.”

I smiled down at Ragdoll. “Your awesome, Ragdoll. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.” Not very often where folks actually listen to my ramblings and take me seriously. It’s nice.

As we walked about, I sighed happily as I looked around Buck’et Town. I know I’ve said it before, but I can’t believe how well built it was for what it was. I mean, buildings that actually looked like buildings, not just metal sheds held up by duct tape, twine and spit over some already existing ruins. Thought went into every inch of this place, not born out of desperation, but out of something else. Maybe I need to find out more about this place. There could be a lot more to it than meets the eyes.

Like a stallion that looks like Keanu Reeves eating an apple while talking with another familiar face.

Oh, crap baskets.

////////////////////////////////////

I’ve never seen Jerry’s emotions change so quickly. One moment, he’s happy, the next, he’s looking over at a couple that are busy chatting, a look of anger and fear written over his face. His body became rigid and ready. I wasn’t sure what was going on till I looked at the mare his eyes were locked on. She had a off-white coat, but it looked like she had dyed it and had just washed whatever it was that covered her off. Her mark was a loaded gun over a crescent moon.

The stallion looked at us, and the look in his eyes was that of terror as he looked around the alleyway.

Oh, my, I think I know who these guys are.

“Nightshade, it’s the fat human from the other day!”

The mare looked back, and as I was about to look over at Jerry, I felt his arms wrap around my barrel and pick me up, slinging me onto his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I looked on, facing behind us as Jerry moved surprisingly fast away from the two, who began to chase after us.

“Jerry, the hell!?”

He didn’t answer me as his free hand grabbed hold of trashbins to tip over to slow the two down.

“Hey! Fat Boy! Slow your ass down!” The mare, Nightshade, almost yelled as she looked at us. It wasn’t a glare, but it wasn’t exactly a happy look.

“Runningrunningrunningrunning-“ I could hear Jerry mutter under his breath. How the hell is he able to keep this up!?

I looked back just in time to see several of the trash bins and other items floating in the air. About… fifteen… no, twenty items in all.

And a lot of them where sharp, and pointed at us!

“Keeprunningkeeprunningkeeprunning…”

Where was that coming fro- Oh, right, that’s me.

Another thing I forgot was that I have a gun in my…

Where’s my bag and holster?

I look back and see that one of the items floating around is… my bag, with my gun still in its holster.

Shit.

Several pieces of trash are sent at us through the air, and I squirm to make Jerry swerve right, narrowly dodging a bottle that shatters against a wall.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou…” Jerry thanked/screamed as he realized how close he was to getting hit.

Damn it, Jerry. “Focusfocusfocus-“

What the hell is he making me say!? Wait… what if Discord has something to do with-

CRASH!

“OW, MY ASS!” an unknown stallion said as another bottle was thrown and shattered against his flank, embedding some shards into his mark.

I can almost hear that bastard spirit laughing from here. As we continue to make our escape, I look back and see Nightshade running after us still as her stallion follows close behind her, carrying a large two-by-four in his mouth, both looking like they are waiting for something. As I am about to tell Jerry, I feel him jump up. As I look down, I see a fat, bald stallion as Jerry sails over him.

He and I share a look that shares the same look of surprise and utter shock, both which are replaced by a twist of disbelief as I feel Jerry land and duck under a Pegasus stallion… well, most of him. The stallion manages to slam one of his knee’s right into Jerry’s face, making him stumble as he tries to recover, only to slam into the door of a bar. Before he landed on his back, he managed to pull me against his chest and braced for impact.

“ow…”

“What the fuck was that!?”

“Hey, that’s Jerry and Ragdoll!”

“Oh, shit… REALLY!? YOU GUYS AGAIN!”

I tried to struggle out from Jerry’s grasp, but after realizing that he wasn’t budging, I just gave in and waited for things to die down. “Damn it, Jerry… we’ve really got to give you a helmet or something.”

////////////////////////////

I was starting to enjoy myself.

I know I’m here for Dumb Ass and his friends, but I really wanted to leave once they started to get into some of the better booze. Well, Dumb Ass didn’t partake, but the others didn’t hold off on my account. As Fat Ass started to down his seventh shot of whiskey, I was on the edge of giving in. Hell, my left rear leg was twitching.

That was till the door bust open.

I turned around and saw Jerry, holding onto Ragdoll as he tumbled into the bar. He landed hard on his back, and I saw Ragdoll struggling to get out of his grasp.

“Ow…” Golden Script said with a wince as he saw what was going on.

“What the fuck was that!?” Fat Ass said as he looked at the two tumble inside.

“Hey, that’s Jerry and Ragdoll!” Dumb Ass said as though as if it was the twist ending to a mystery novel. At that time, I saw four figures walk into the bar, and I focused my sights on the only mare of the group.

Her eyes where still a bit bloodshot, but a lot of the coloring in her eyes had improved… or she was using a very advanced illusion spell. Her coat wasn’t the same color, but I could see the remnants of her dyes and blood still on her. The biggest change was her teeth. They were flattened like a regular pony’s teeth.

“Oh, shit. It’s YOU guys again!” I moaned out as I couldn’t help but bring my revolver out, aiming at Night Shade.

She looked at me, then Dumb Ass, then finally down to Jerry and Ragdoll. She smiled as she sat down slowly onto the ground. “It’s nice to see you… I was actually wanting to chat with the Fat one abo-“

“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t know where she and her asshole of a boss are from!” Fat Ass said as he looked over at the other side of the… Wait a second.

“Fat Ass, how the hell did you get back there so quickly?” I hissed at him as I looked back at the other side of the bar at him as he held his gun awkwardly in his teeth.

“Bitch, I do what I want, that’s how.”

“Focus, people!” Golden Script yelled as he held a full bottle of whiskey in his mouth. We all returned to look back at the ex-Bad Dreams in front of us, as the rest of the denizens began to bring out their own weapons, aimed mostly at the Bad Dreams. “And Damn it, Jasper! Don’t point that blasted pea shooter at me! You know I’ll tell your father!”

“Sorry, Rabbi…. Got caught up in the moment.”

Nightshade smirked as she looked at us. “Loooook, we’ll put our weapons down, and we can use our mouths to settle the problem.”

“Beware the truck-stop bathroom ashtray, Sunday….” I heard Jerry moan as he seemed to regain what little sense the human had. Nightshade made no comment on Jerry’s words as Jerry sat up. It didn’t take long for Nightshade to set all the floating garbage down as she kept her eyes on everyone else.

Ragdoll was let go from Jerry’s grasp as Jerry sat there, looking up at Night Shade. She stared back at him, glaring. “I’d look away if I were you, boy.”

“Shut it. I don’t want to hear your voice, you… you…” Jerry slowly stood up, his eyes glued on Night Shade. “I can’t think of a word that could even begin to describe someone as loathsome as you. You left your daughter in those monster’s care!”

Night Shade simply allowed Jerry to speak, her face now blank of all emotions save for mild interest.

“If I wasn’t captured, if The Boss and the others didn’t come and save me, your daughter would have been killed! And now, your standing around this place, chasing after me like I stole something from your worthless flanks!” Jerry’s voice started out strong, filled with wrath, but as he continued, it seemed to die down to sadness. “How could you even allow your kids… HOW COULD YOU!”

Night Shade took a deep breath, closing her eyes before sighing, seemingly happy. “So, you saved Dawn Threader. Good. Almost thought that she’d be dead. That’s all I wanted to know.” She turned around and began to leave, only for Jerry to lunge forward.

“YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!” His body was engulfed in a pink aura as The Boss walked into the bar, blocking Night Shade and her goons.

Everyone stood there, most of us just frozen with disbelief over what happened, the only noises being heard was Jerry cursing (or at least his brand of it) as he was lifted up into the air, thrashing about, as the former Bad Dreams looked into The Boss’ face.

The Boss didn’t waste any more time, stepping to the side as she kept her eyes on Jerry. “Get out.” Her voice cut through the air, silencing Jerry, and allowing the small gang of ruffians an exit. She walked forward to a large table, and sat down, forcing Jerry to do the same, her aura still around his wrists as everyone slowly returned to their tables.

“Why?” Jerry’s voice cracked as tears started to run down his cheeks.

“Because I’ve seen enough good men die. You kill because of anger, and that goodness inside of you dies, sometimes slowly, other times as soon as you pull the trigger. Besides… would you be able to look into Rachel’s eyes if you did hurt Night Shade?” Every word hit Jerry as good as any blow could, making more and more tears drip down his cheeks.

“Geeeze, what a pussy.” Fat Ass said under his breath as he made his way over the bar, a few hoofful of caps miraculously making its way into his pocket. Without even thinking, two sets of hooves smacked Fat Ass in the back of his head as a half-eaten apple flew through the air and smacked him on the snout. Then, all at once, Dumbass, Golden Script and I said in unison one more thing.

“Shut up, Fat Ass.”

///////////////////////

I feel horrible.

Like everything happy I had recently was sucked out of me by a big, giant happiness leech who proceeded to make me pay him for the experience by threatening to pants me in front of my friends and family. In short, I am emotionally beat.

I sat at the table, Flure’s magic lifting off of me as I slump in my chair. I order the hardest thing I felt like drinking, a bottle of apple cider, and just chugged the thing down. It tasted great. Like a regular apple cider, except with just a bit more hit to it. Sunday, Ragdoll and DA sat next to me as they joined in.

I’m not sure why I feel this way. For all intents and purposes, I should be happy, or at least at peace. For what I can tell, Night Shade is going to leave Rebecca be. I guess she knows that she didn’t have a chance at getting any information from me, or that if she did anything, that the guys would tear into here like a fire hose through rice paper.

I felt like something BIG was going to happen. Maybe not today, maybe not even this year, but I just felt…

Felt…

“Fat Ass, don’t you fucking dare!” Sunday almost yelled. I looked up, looking at her, confused what she was angry at me for. Before I could say anything, I noticed that she was glaring behind me. I looked back and saw a red coated fat pony with what looked like a bucket.

With no warning, he dumps the contents of the bucket (Some kind of beer, I think) over my head, soaking my clothes. He had a look in his eyes that had a mixture of sadistic glee and begins to laugh hard as Golden Script sighed, and D.A. looked nervously at me.

I sit there, covered in beer and anger, and come to a conclusion.

“Son of a bitch is going to pay.” I grab hold of the pony that I’m going to call Cartman, because he gets on my nerves and I can just smell the jerk on him, and pick him up onto his back hooves. I pull my balled-up hand and, in one solid motion… smack my fist into a serving tray! Of course, the tray still smacked Cartman-pony across the table, but I think after FEELING the crack of a few bones, I knew that I was the loser of this little scuffle.

I looked at my hand for the longest time, no noise coming out of my mouth as I stood there, my mouth and eyes wide open as the look of utter pain MUST have been drawn on my face. Rag Doll was the first to break the silence at the table. “Uh… Jerry? Are you alright?”

Diagnostics check:

Brain: Scrambled with anger.

Face: Still recovering from Pegasus encounter with his knee.

Left butt cheek: Numb from sitting down on uncomfortable bar chair.

Fist: Broken from being a dumb, angry, fat American that currently smells musty.

Outcome:

“Ow.” Was all I could say before I found myself curled up in a ball as I held out my hand.

Cartman guffawed as he stood up and looked at my hand. “Serves you right, Butters.”

…. Okay… No.

I stand back up and am about to just jump right back at him when my broken hand is levitated up and holds me in place. I look up and see Sunday’s magic aura at work, then looked down to see an angry Sunday.

Folks… I almost soiled myself. Ever seen an anime or a show where the most intimidating person appears, and you can taste, just absolutely TASTE their anger?

Sunday’s tasted like angry hot fudge, pain sprinkles and kicked nuts! I was just glad that her eyes where focused on Cartman. That fact did not make me feel any better as I felt her setting the bone with a sickening pop, and a lesser pin of pain as a stim-pac was stuck into my arm. A harsh warmth washed over the area that was just numbed by my injury, and quickly eased away as I felt my hand be healed.

“You have NO right to act that way, Fat Ass!” Sunday fumed.

“Y-yes ma’am….” I and Cartman said as we focused on not dying.

Sunday smacked her face with her hoof as D.A. stepped forward, and stood between us. “Look, Jerry… just calm down, for us, okay?”

I looked at D.A., then back at Sunday, keeping my eyes off Cartmen as best as I could. As I took a deep breath, my hand was released and I decided to get outside. I didn’t trust myself to stay with that guy. Ragdoll followed close by me as I leaned against the outside of the saloon… bar… whatever. My eyes where stuck on the building in front of me, counting the planks of wood making up the sidewalk/porch in front of it and it’s neighbors.

“You know… talking helps a lot more than punching… especially in your case.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that as I looked down at my hand, shaking my head a bit as I clenched my fist open and closed.

“You know… havn’t even been here a full week, and I know that if it wasn’t for you guys, I’d be hating every second of it… well, I’d be dead, but I digress.” I start to say as I look down at an interesting rock on the ground. “But then, I look at how things are going now… and I just feel helpless. Everything I do just feels like it could be done by some other shlub. It’s like a badly written self-insert character in a fan fiction. If something happens where everything hinges on me, I’ll feel like a tool. If I just die at the end of all this, I’ll feel like a MEGA tool. Turn into a bad guy? Evil tool. Become some kind of messiah? Righteous tool. If I don’t do anything? I’m an ass tool. Is there anything that I am doing that is what I want? Am I the player, or the avatar? Do I actually, in the big scheme of things, mean anything?”

I stood there, looking down at the ground with silence around me. Then I heard it.

“Bullcrap.”Ragdoll said.

What?

“You heard me, fat boy. Bull crap. A whole load of it. I don’t blame you, Jerry, it’s just how things go with boys like you. Existential crisis this, moral quandary that. A bunch of selfish bull crap, probably pushed down your throat about how to actually be a complex character and all that… You think that asking those questions make you deep, or make you a special snowflake. They don’t. People who were in lot less amazing situations ask themselves the same damn questions for centuries. Some of them even got paid for it. Good for when you’ve got free time, or when your just exercising your brain, but when your hurting yourself with it?” She smirked as she hit my leg. “You want someone to beat the crap out of you, I’ll do it myself. I’ll even do it for free.”

I looked at Rag Doll for a while, and my smile grew a bit easier.

She had a point. I worry about these things now, right at the beginning of everything, and I’d just end up worried about making decisions. If I’m afraid of making decisions, then nothing will get done. I’m not trying to be a hero, but if given the chance, I can be. If something IS manipulating me through the Pip Boy, then I’ll show them that it’s my life. Hell, the only one who has any right to tell me how to live my life is God himself, and I don’t see him throwing scrolls at me to do his bidding.

As I looked up, a scroll hit me in the face, and into my hands. I looked up and saw what I thought was a gryphon in a tan robe looking down at me with one of the craziest stare downs I have ever gotten.

“Jerry Stine, you have been chosen.” As he said that, he turned and began to walk.

“What the…? Hey, buddy, what the heck is this?” I ask, only for the griffon to ignore me. I looked down and opened the letter, and began to read.

“Dear Jerry Stine,

As this letter reaches you, you and your friends have been observed by The Children of Metal. We are in need of your teams assistance, as we are at an impasse. The quest we ask you to proceed on is one fraught with terrors and the unknown, but if your team completes it, you will be handsomely rewarded. If you wish to continue on this journey, meet us at the Museum of Technology in the ruins of Dodge Junction. We will only allow you to bring with you four members of your group. The Twins, the sniper and the brute. Their abilities and your own skills are what are needed.

We repeat… do not bring with you your mistress, the lovers and the child. They will only complicate matters. We will expect you and yours to come within the week, where further instructions are to be given.

Signed in iron and blood,

Padre Rustbeak” I chuckled a bit to myself as I looked back up at Ragdoll, the smile I had evaporating as I saw the murderous look in her eyes. “Uh… Raggity Anne? You alright there?”

Oh, hell, why did I say that?

She locked eyes with me, and my world became filled with rage and red, a fear snaking up my back as I looked at her. Alright… being mentally torn apart and put back together is… not pleasant, but I’d rather have that happen to me as opposed to be on the receiving end of Ragdoll’s wrath! Bar none, scariest thing I’ve seen in… Oh, hell!

She just bucked a nearby iron beam! It’s just… Hoof shaped hole! In steel! I didn’t even notice her run at it!

She pants, still angry as she is facing me. After a few seconds, she recovers, and I notice that she isn’t standing on the leg that was responsible for punching the hole out of the metal pole. “Uh… Ragdoll? Are… are you….”

“No, I’m not fucking alright, I just messed up one of my legs. Muscle almost torn. Small, but still not feeling good. I’ll be limping for a while, and I’m not going to be-“

I could tell she was so upset about what happened that she’d continue yammering for a good long while. I roll my eyes and, as gently as I can, pick her up and carry her on my back. She’s a solidly built mare, I can tell you. I’m kind of surprised that she is as strong as she is, but that could be something else. As I got her situated, the scroll sticking out of my pocket as I saw D.A. and Sunday exit after me. I give them a halfhearted smile as we began to walk to where The Boss told us to go to.

I’m surprised they didn’t ask about why Ragdoll is on my-

“Let me guess… someone called you a kid again?” Sunday said with a smirk.

“And fuck you too, sis.” Ragdoll said with a saccharine smile.

“I’d pay a few caps for that!” D.A. said with a joking chuckle.

*Thwack, Thwack, Donk*

“Shutting up…”

Ah, that feels about right.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know if Fleur… the Boss… will go with this mission-dealie I was given. But, then again, I can’t say no to caps right now. It would be very stupid of me if I did. I keep my stuff clean, take care of myself and do some real easy jobs, and I’ll be quite in the black when I collect the caps. Use the caps to take care of Rebecca and maybe even find out if there is a way out of here. Take everyone back to Earth. I can trust them to look after me. I know that if I can get out of here, I can bring them with me.

I KNOW it…

I mean, I think…

Well, I hope…

….

Hey, Discord, you can add in your two cents any time now! You know… make fun of my fat butt. Call me an idiot. You know, the stuff you’ve been doing to me since I got you on my hand.

“Wha..? Oh, sorry about that, my rotund compadre, just was thinking of, like, two hundred thousand other things I could be doing right now instead of listening to you complain. You know… if I had my own bod-“ He paused as a glint in his eyes came and went, and he smiled at me. “Oh, Jerry… just so you know, I’m going to be doing some… work. All you’ve got to know is that for the next couple of weeks, your dreams are going to be a touch odd.” He said that with a smile. Before I could say anything, he summoned a door with a disembodied claw, set it just out of my sight, and opened it. The only thing I could see was the words “Avatar at work” before he stepped in and closed it behind himself.

Why am I suddenly afraid for my life?

////////////////////////

Black Tar had been running since her group was routed. Her lungs burned, her mind raced, and her legs felt like they were tearing themselves apart, but she kept on running.

The Witch. The damn witch tricked her and her partner. Those two cretins did, too. But the worst offender… That fat bastard! Thinking about that idiot made her blood boil, almost tripping her up mid stride. She wanted to snarl at him, but she knew better. She couldn’t kill, not with how things went near the end. She knew that she could kill those three by herself, as long as Vortex lived. Vortex was so much more capable with magic than she was. It was a fricking miracle she survived by herself for so long. Being tossed around those lunkheads, birthing foals. Once Vortex came, she was stronger. She was the one who chose who she would bed. She was the one who did the tossing. And she was more than willing to please Vortex when she wanted her. She even put up with Night Shade when she joined in with her troop.

Tar and Vortex went through the motions of being Night Mares. Took the oaths, drank that sickening brew. Took the damn mark. Even gave Brother Blood the life blood of every victim… save for that fat bastard!

She finally snarled at the imagined figure of that human that had tricked her into making him crush Vortex. She hated him more than anyone else in that damn group! Even the Witch took a back seat as she was, at least, strong! That freak, that human cretin was just damn lucky! She’d kill him. Screw everything else, she’d find a way to kill that bastard! The freak that took everything from her!

As she vented, Tar tripped over her own hooves, careening into a steep incline that made her tumble head over tail down. She felt rocks hit into her, jostling her about, till she slammed, muzzle first, into the ground. She didn’t know how long she was dazed, but as she opened her eyes, she swore she saw a figure setting up a tent in front of her, as though as if she wasn’t there, or she was just walking by. Before long, she swore she saw the figure being swallowed up by the tent itself.

As soon as the bloat parasprites stopped dancing in her vision, she sat up carefully. She looked at the tent, noticing that it was large, about the size of a small house.

How did she not notice such a thing, out in the wastes? No buildings, no ruins, no settlements. Just dust, death and decay in all points. Yet here, in front of her, was this drab tent that begged her to enter. As she walked, limping slightly as she came forward, she smelt something cooking, seasoned well, but she couldn’t place what it was. As she walked through the entrance, she felt that familiar tendrils of… him.

It was unnaturally dark inside the tent, and she knew why.

“I… I didn’t kill her!” She screamed into the darkness as a figure walked forward.

It was him. Brother Blood stood tall, far taller than even the tent should have allowed, looking down at Tar with an appraising look. He was not happy with what he was looking at.

Black tendrils surrounded Tar and lifted her up into the air, up to Brother Blood’s face. The skeletal face had pale skin hanging from it, his eyes a dark crimson with black pupils as she shivered and tried to shriek in terror. Nothing came out save for the indecent moans from centuries past, from others like her that served him.

“Vortex… her body was destroyed, correct?” Brother Blood said, his eyes locked onto hers. She didn’t bother to fight the dark voice ringing through her mind.

“Yes… the Fat Man did it.” Tar said, her voice assisted with the vile sounds filling her mouth. “Crushed her with rubble.”

Brother Blood simply smiled as one of his numerous hands appeared from the darkness, and petted her cheek. “It was truly for the best, my dear…” He cooed and hissed as he came forward. Her terror died down as she felt something deep inside her burn.

At first, she thought it was simply her exhaustion getting the better of her, till she felt the darkness slowly letting up around her and Brother Blood.

The tent was no more, as she and her master were standing in the center of a large theater. In the audience where followers of Brother Blood. Bad Dreams only made a small portion of the audience, as there were mutants, both human and minotaur, and several changeling queens and others. On the stage, he was suspended like a marionette, his several hands floating freely as his body, looking like black and red satin sheets melting into darkness, trailed to the floor.

“Brothers and Sisters! The wastes of our once great realm has claimed one more of our kin!”

Lamentations and cries came from the audience as Tar was tossed about, being held up as she saw on the walls of the theater ponies, humans and diamond dogs being flayed and cooked for the theater goers. Her eyes closed as she felt the burning claw up her throat. She wished to cry out, but was stopped by the burning itself.

“Do not fear, my friends! Our dear Vortex, one of our most honored followers, will not taste death for too long! For you see, she had partaken in one of our most intimate of rites! The Rite of Bonding! Two made into one! Her lover is here to stand, and show her the way back to us! Please, Tar! Light the way for our dear Vortex!”

Fire, pain, heat exploded from Tar’s body. Every inch of her became a magical pyre. In the center of it all was hate. The hate of losing her comfort. The hate of being thrown into the wastes alone. And shining the brightest was the hate of that man. Her lips curled up into a horrid grin as she felt her mind being pulled aside as it was caressed, then pulled into another mind. Her body was, at first, broken and pulled, but was rearranged, till nothing of Tar’s former body remained.

In her place was a taller, more attractive figure, not too different from Vortex, save for no false coloring. Her coat was pitch black, her mane a flowing ash cloud. Around her barrel were the well-made leather coat that flowed down her body. As she is put down, Brother Blood continued to coo and pet the long, ashen mane. “Please, my little Vortex… tell us what you’ve seen of the Blood Sea. Tell us of our great Benefactor!”

Vortex purred as she was released, standing on her hind legs as she looked at her body. The aura of her body covered her hooves and transformed them into hands. Her fingers curled as the flesh over them sparkled, making it look as though as if she was wearing gloves. “Our glorious Benefactor sends his praise for our work! Just our realm is responsible of curbing the encroachment of the Crimson King and the Lesser Evils onto our paradise! But we must remain steadfast. Continue harvesting! Continue our great work! When we finish with the Equestrian continent, we shall route out all other remnants from when we began so long ago. Then, we shall go back to that now nauseating life filled American wasteland, and finally finish them off from where they stand! With the combined powers of two worlds, we can spread out to the other realms! Overpower the evil out there, and supplant them with our ways!”

Her body flowed as she spoke, her forelegs showing an almost theatrical side to her voice. Her eyes glowed pearl white as she looked at the now fully captivated crowd. “We shall win! We shall be victorious! And we will be one with the Blood Sea once and for all!” Her voice was now a ravenous cascade of want, barely overpowered by the applause of the audience. Brother Blood grinned, his form diminished to stand next to her, now barely standing above her as his form now looked more like a man in his early forties, clothed in a black and red duster. His face was fuller, healthier than it was moments ago.

“Amazing… beautiful, my beloved, as always.” He whispered into her ear. “Do you hear me, my little Tar girl?”

Vortex turned, holding onto Brother Blood with a grin. “Oh, she does, my greatest love.”

“Good… you have done well. For such a small, pathetic thing, you have unlocked my lover’s true form. Be proud of that as your mind and soul watch on. Your hate will grow, and we will use it to do great things.” He whispers as he gives Vortex a passionate kiss, holding her close as the crowd applauds louder and revel in the show.

Backstage, two more figures stand, watching the show. One, a man wearing a power armor painted red with spikes as he snarled, his face half burned. The other, a hybrid unicorn wearing a blindfold as his fingers tightened around the handle of a sword driven into the floor, disinterested in the happenings on stage as though as if he was forced to be there.

“Useless…” the hybrid said as he growled.

“Fucking right… been thinking that once we get what we want, we just run.” The human said, his voice just as damaged as his face.

“How far do you think we will make it?” The hybrid asked as he turned to him. “We do not have the time to make a personal portal of our own… and with the Discord on this realm unaccounted for, who knows where we will end up.” He sighed as his grip tightened once more.

“Fuck…” The man said as he leaned against the wall, sighing as the two listened to the applause of the crowds. They both lowered their heads, shame, fear, anger all in equal parts on their faces as they felt magical chains tighten around them, reminding them of their place as the stage hands of Oblivion.

Author's Note

So... the last push came when I lost internet for the day, which shows that I may have found out how to motivate myself to write more constantly... deprave myself of internet access for long periods of time.

I'll probably edit this more in the near future... if I don't get distracted by cat video's.

Chapter 10: "Welcome to Painsville, population: You"

210 years ago…

Lavender Steel stood at the doorway of his childhood home. He was wearing the dress uniform for his regiment, a stone-grey jacket and pants with several medals, sleeves going far beyond his wrist. His eyes where red, and black bags where under his eyes as he sighed. He was standing on his hind legs, a “leaner” style cane next to him to support his weight without putting pressure on his wrists. He brought his hoof up and let it hover on the door knocker as he debated whether he wanted to go in or not.

However, before he could make a decision, the door opened, and the face of an ebony colored human looked back, his hair peppered as he stood looking out. It only took a few seconds before the old man smiled warmly. “Steel… it’s good to see you again.” he said as he stood off to the side, his back straight as Lavender hobbled forward. It took the unicorn a few seconds to recognize the face, and once he did, he looked back at him, his eyes misty.

“Jethro…? It can’t be. I thought that you where going to retire years ago.” Lavender reached out to the human, his lower lip starting to tremble. The older man looked at the unicorn, his own eyes misting up, as he gave Lavender a hug.

“I couldn’t leave Lady Diamond without a suitable replacement. It’s so good to see you, m’boy.” He couldn’t help but chuckle as he patted Lavender’s back, then pulls him out to arm’s length. “By Celestia… I haven’t seen you in a uniform since your time at the academy.” He said proudly, looking at the medals on Lavender’s uniform. Then, he saw one of the most recent ones, and Jethro looked into Lavender’s eyes. “I read about what happened in Goodsprings. Just know I keep you and the others in my prayers.”

Normally, when anyone talked about Goodsprings, Lavender would instantly get on the defensive, as though as if the person speaking was finding a way to use the incident for some sort of political play. This time, though, Lavender couldn’t help but smile warmly at the man. He was always there for him when he was younger, and the head servant of the home, he was the reason that Lavender even went into the service, and despite his… actions during the past few months, he never blamed Jethro for his life. There was enough blame to rest on the Legion.

“Thank you… the doctors said that, aside from strange growths in my hoof bones, I’ll be as good as new in a few weeks.”

The moment came and passed, Lavender wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He sighed as he leaned against his cane, and slowly began to make his way down the hallway, accompanied by Jethro.

“Lady Diamond and your sister are waiting for you in the green house. I had just finished planting a few bulbs of Moonwart the last month, so there isn’t as much greenery as there normally is, but-“ Jethro was about to continue as Lavender looked over to him, stopping him in his tracks.

“Is she mad at me?”

The older man stopped talking, obviously trying to find the right words to say, and then lets out his held breath slowly. “Yes. She is. But not for the reasons I know your thinking. She was beside herself the night she found out what happened.”

Lavender scoffed at the explanation at first, but as he looked at the way Jethro’s body tensed, he knew that he was telling a half truth. With regards to his mother, that did mean something. They shuffled along, silently and slowly making their way down the marble flooring, only stopping to look at a painting, or when Lavender needed to rest. A walk that, for a human or pony, would take a minuet, tops, took the two ten to finish, a silence filling them as they simply enjoyed themselves. At the end, Jethro patted Lavender on the back. “Your Mother loves you and your sister. She shows it in a different way, but she does.”

Lavender stood looking at Jethro, who had opened a set of doors leading to where his mother and sister where at. He made his way to the door, and smiled back at Jethro, who stood at attention proudly as he let the young unicorn through.

The calm ended as a mare’s voice called out from the room. “What has taken that old fool so long to go to the door and answer it? I could have done it in a quarter of the time.” She complained.

“Mother! Did you forget what we talked about? You know that Steel can’t move that well right now.” His sister’s voice carried as Lavender finally looked at the two, sitting at a wooden table with a simple tea set and three seats. The two that where there matched the two voices who were heard seconds ago. He saw his mother, now looking right at him with a mix of slight horror, and a sad happiness as she stood up and, in a dramatic fashion that could easily be considered fake if no one knew her well enough, cried as she held onto Lavander’s barrel.

“My little boy is back! My sweet soldier!”

It took Lavender a few seconds, his eyes fluttering about as he looked down at his mother. The grown mare was crying as she hugged him. He wanted to push her away, to yell at her, but he could only manage to gently pull her off. “I’m okay, Mom.” He said, reassuring her as she wiped some tears from her eyes.

Lavender walked over to the empty seat next to his sister, putting his walker to the side. Flure gave Lavender a pat on the shoulder, and a smile as their mother returned to her seat. Lavender looked at his mother, and noticed how similar she looked like them, the only things that separated how they all looked was a small scar on Lavender’s chin and the beginning of crows feet around their mother’s eyes.

The three sat, akwardly looking at each other, till Lavender sighted loudly. “So, Mother… what was it that you wished to talk about?”

His mother looked him in the eyes, her mouth opening and closing as she wanted to say something, maybe an insult? Lavender didn’t know what the original words where going to be, but rather quickly, she smiled and answered. “Simply put? I think I can get you a promotion to lieutenant. That way, you will never have to go through that ghastly ordeal again. All you would need to do is –“

“No, Mother, I will not marry, or sleep with, or buddy up with anyone. I got this far into the Iron Legion on my own merits, I will continue on and get my rank to Paladin.”

“Which will just mean you’ll be the first one to be put into the line of fire if your called to fight those horrible Ceasers’ Legion! I’ve heard about how they are rebuilding! Their accursed slave system and barbarous ways. Let the other side deal with it for a time. Our colonists can handle their rabble. We have those Zebrican Nationalists to worry about here. It may be more political hot-hoof, but it’s better than being in that dreadful place.”

“Mother, that place… I don’t know why, but the Wasteland feels like a part of me. I know it sounds silly, even suicidal…” Lavender stopped as he saw the look on his mother’s face, like she was looking at a ghost, or more like she was looking at her own sins. “Mother… are you alright?”

It took a few seconds, but she finally blinked and looked at her tea, picking it up with her hooves in an awkward manner. Fleur put a hoof on their mother’s shoulder, smiling sadly, confusing Lavender even more.

“I’m fine, child.”

“She’s just had a lot on her mind…” Flure said as she looked back at Lavender. “So… little brother… I know you don’t like the idea of being away from the Wasteland, but what Mother was talking about, is actually something you might enjoy… once you recover, that is.” She smirked as she tossed a manilla folder to him. Lavender opened it up, and quickly read it, a spark slowly returning to his eyes as he read and reread the first paragraph. He looked up at Flure with a wide grin.

“Sis… I… I don’t know what to say…”

“Get your ass into gear and get over yourself, little twerp. You know that Fancy only let me give this to you because of your little excursion to the Capital Wasteland with Princess Twilight and the other researchers. It’s one-part nepotism, and three parts charity.” She sighed as she laid back in her chair in a casual way, much to the chagrin of her mother that allowed it with only a brief glare to showcase her displeasure.

“Yes… well, I do hope with that being said, that we can continue-“ A crash was heard, and Lavender could tell it was far away from them. His mother blinked her eyes as she stood up and began to mutter under her breath.

“That useless, lazy, good for-“ she continued to say as she stormed off. Flure helped Lavender stand up to follow their mother, and where about to talk when they heard the loud, sad sound of their mother wailing. Flure ran forward, and Lavender cursed under his breath as he continued to walk, almost hobbling over himself as made it to the wall next to the phone.

It only took a few seconds for Flure to look around the corner back at Lavender. “Call the Hospital! Jethro fell down!”

He used his magic to call the emergency line, and it didn’t take long for him to tell them what they needed to know, which lead to him coming back to where his sister and mother went. They stood over Jethro as he laid on the ground, a mark on his head that looked far too much like someone had struck him. He looked about him, trying to find any signs of forced entry, only to hear the hoof falls of the paramedics rush into the mansion’s front doors. A unicorn and two earth ponies ran in, and looked him over.

“Concussion… leg is bent in an awkward angle. He’s breathing, but he needs attention soon…” One of the earth ponies, a mare with a red and green main and a green coat, said as she looked him over. “We will be teleporting directly to Canterlot General. If you wi-“

“I’m going!” Lavender heard his mother interrupt as she stayed close to Jethro, keeping herself from brushing his hair with her hoof. It was a strange tone shift, a strange way for her to act to someone that, for as long as he could remember, was focused on making Jethro’s life just a touch more difficult. He looked over to his sister, who looked at Jethro, then her mother with a hoof over her mouth, looking frightened.

He was so bewildered at the sight, that he barely noticed the teleport away from the home as he looked back. Flure began to take deep, calming breaths, eyes closed as she walked to the phone. “I’m… I’m going to call Fancy, tell him what happened…”

“Fluer… why did Mother…?” He couldn’t help himself as a few tears drop down his cheek and cursed himself.

He shook his head in an attempt to get his mind focused and began to walk back down the hallway, following his sister. He had questions, but none that where as important as “Is Jethro alright?”. He walked past a family portrait, his Sire standing imposingly in the background, the white and grey stallion showing his cold loathing of his children even after the one and a half decades of death. His mother stood at his side, a miserable look to her face, like a dog who knew she was going to be beat by her owner. And then himself and Fluer, sitting in front of them both. They looked like porcelain dolls, a forced half smile on their faces as they looked forward.

The picture sent shivers up his spine every time he looked at it, and he had wondered why his mother never got rid of it. He looked about and saw a photo, framed on a shelf, with Lavender’s mother standing comfortably next to her servants. The way she smiled was much more genuine, and he could only guess as she was standing, front and center, with Jethro to her right side.

Then he looked at Jethro. The look he had wasn’t of a man who was smiling for his job. He was, honestly and with no doubt, loving being there. That thought began to ruminate in Lavender’s mind. Why would he be so gun ho on working with a mare that constantly berated and nagged him? A normal servant barely lasted two years, but he toughed it out. Why did he do it? Why did his mother act so different when he was hurt?

It hit him. The facts fell into place and he began to realize it all. He looked up at the second painting again and remembered that he wanted to be in it. He begged his mother if he could be in it. Her reaction was odd, to say the least. She smiled till she looked up at the family portrait. She looked sad when she said no. She sighed to herself as she took her place, and then Jethro cheered him up with a warm smile, patting him on the head.

He turned to a mirror, looking at himself, examining every inch of his face. It was like he was looking at his sister, an unnerving feeling, till he stood up fully on his hind legs. His shoulders set far more naturally, broader. His hips, while they hurt from not being used to being used in such a matter, just… felt more naturally set as he stood, like they were made to hold his weight while standing bipedal.

He could only stand like this for a few minutes, having to lean back into his walker, but it was unmistakable. He looked back down at his hooves, and more questions rose. Questions he would have to ask later. He had to go to the hospital.

Flure watched as her brother slowly hobbled away to the front door, just finishing with calling Fancy Pants. She wiped away a tear as she watched her brother realize that something was kept from him, and she cursed herself for not speaking to him about it earlier. She closed her eyes as she sat on the floor, trying to concentrate as she thought of everything that could go wrong.

///////////////////////////////////////

It was the dream again.

A memory of years long past. My brother and my own skeletons that should not have been in the closet. I miss those days when that was the worst of things to worry about, when base racism and our family members where the enemies of the day. Before nukes and mega spells, the Princess’ where “goddesses” of the sun, moon, love and friendship, and walked with us and showed their imperfections to dispel such tales. When groups of ponies would erupt into song for no true reason save to cheer a filly up. Humans would walk the streets of Canterlot selling their wares. So many things I remembered that filled me with joy and sorrow.

I opened my eye and found myself sitting, ramrod straight, over my desk. I had switched myself into sleep mode once more, my false parts doing computations and preforming tasks as I slept. I hated the way the machine relegated my flesh in such a paltry way, pulling me from the waking world on a moment’s notice when it sensed a need for me to sleep. But I could tell that it did keep me busy, doing as I wanted it to do. The map I was working on was updated, ready for Jerry to scan it into his PipBoy. My weapons where cleaned, as where my bed and clothes.

The walk back from Buck’et Town was uneventful, from what I remembered. Even when Jerry told me about the griffon cultist throwing a scroll at him randomly truly didn’t phase me. I was, however, surprised at the “request” he was given at who to bring. I did not enjoy the idea of Sunburn with Jerry and my Angels, but for separate reasons. I worry for Jerry’s safety if Sunburn would attempt to assert his dominance. I, also worry about how many limbs Sunburn would lose if he got my bladed angels angry. My current guess is either one, or all “five”. Granted, I knew Rip and Tear would not kill him.

They don’t like him enough.

I looked out the window, recollecting my thoughts. The sunlight was reaching out from behind the clouds as I heard Rag Doll take her position at the clock tower. I turned to see Sunday stepping towards me, sitting on the floor in front of me, resting her chin on the table. She was not looking well since we returned. I didn’t feel any hostility from her, but she still looked in a bad mood.

“Boss… Why did you let them go off like that?”

I was surprised that she didn’t waste any time hemming and hawing at questions this time around. She was looking at me in the eyes. She is truly worried about Jerry, and it’s making me wonder, exactly, if Discord is having any affect on us. I suppose it doesn’t really matter at the moment.

I refocus on Sunday with a slight smile. “Because Jerry needs to figure out what his abilities are here. I have my suspicions that he is floundering with his role in our group, and so if we put him in a place with no set leader and plenty of opportunities to grow, he will find himself capable of showing some kind of skills that he can use to be of use to us. If your fears are dealing with Sunburn, I believe that Daisy will take care of any kind of troubles he could possibly create.”

///////////////////

“I SWEAR TO GOD, SUNBURN, I WILL END YOU!”

“HOLY FUCK! IT WAS A JOKE, DAISY!”

“Blood and Meat! Blood and Meat!”

“IT’S OKAY, DAISY! HE ONLY DISLOCATED MY WRIST! I’LL BE OKAY! Why won’t anyone listen to me?”

“Because you’re not that bright, boy. And what do you mean, you’ll be okay?”

Long story short: Boy Scout Mountain Climbing, and not being prepared.

/////////////////////////////////

Sunday looked me in the eyes, only to turn away. “Even if I did disagree with you, there would be no way to talk you out of it.”

I couldn’t help but grin as I heard that. It was good that Sunday was learning, bit by bit, some of the lessons I was feeding to her. Maybe, within a few more years, I’ll step back and let her be in charge, officially. Granted, I cannot let all of my eggs fall into one basket. I made that mistake before and I learned from it.

However, before I could rest myself, I heard her looking right back at me. She always made a noise when she still had problems with my decisions. I didn’t look up, and flicked my ear up, making sure to aim it towards her. My invitations for interruptions, even the most important ones, are seldom and only for those who know me well enough to read me. It took her a few weeks to learn that, and I only had to break her foreleg once.

“Boss… I want to know… is there anything I need to know about the Pip-Boy?”

I could have easily dismissed her. Tell her a lie. However, with what has been going on recently, I knew better. “Yes. I can only tell you this much for certain. The program inside of it is not working correctly… or, more accurately, it is working abnormally. It is still working according to it’s intended purpose, but it will work in a manner that neither myself nor Jerry will be able to control. In all things relating to the Pip Boy, I want you and everyone else to rely on Jerry’s intuition.”

She didn’t look at me. She didn’t say anything. She simply stood up, and walked out of the room.

I have been with Sunday long enough to tell you this. She was not happy with what she heard. She did not need me to yell at her right now. And I had an idea at what she was mad at, and me chastising her from walking away in the middle of a conversation was by far one of the worst ideas I could have come across.

I went back to my studies, only to be surprised by her walking back to me, eyes glued to mine. “Boss… I know there isn’t a lot you can tell us… either because you think you don’t need to, or that you don’t know the answer to it… I just want to say that you haven’t steered us wrong yet. You’ve done right by us, but so help me, if you get any of us killed I won’t have any problems with killing you. I hope you understand that.”

I stared down at her, and almost found that I had difficulties keeping her eye contact. I smiled and nodded. I was looking forward to the rest… but not yet.

Not till I see this till the end.

//////////////////////////////////

We’ve been on the road for most of the day. Rip and Tear where floating about, playing “Hide the Knife”, which I’m pretty sure is tag if it was renamed by an emo kid, as well as keeping an eye out for ambushes… well, at least they are supposed to be.

“FUCK YOU, GHOUL SHIT!” a small band of raiders, two earth ponies and a ghoul, ran to us, all wearing heavy armor and brandishing, of all things, pool sticks, while a turret shot over their heads and right at us. Daisy, Sunburn and I-

“Ahem…”

Right… Daisy, Sunburn, Discord and I where stuck behind the corner of a small store, while Rip and Tear continued to play their game.

Sunburn brought out his shotgun and waited while I held onto my auto-shotgun. Daisy was setting herself up as the first earth pony turned the corner. Stallion, just a touch shorter than Sunburn, with a sickly green coat, turned the corner, mouth open in mid shout, right as Sunburn shoved the barrel into his mouth. The Stallion’s eyes grew wide with terror as Sunburn only smirked back for a solid five seconds before speaking.

“Suck it.”

I turned my head away just in time to hear the sickening blast and wet pop of both shells flying out of the back of the poor SOB’s head. I turned back around, aimed by shotgun at the head of the mare.

“GeT ON thE GROUND!” I managed to squeak out. And she did… and slammed the pool stick right into the side of my hip. She jumped up and was trying to choke me out with the pool stick, but I managed to grab hold of the cue and kept it off my windpipe. I looked up and saw that Sunburn was busy reloading, and as the Ghoul made his way around the corner, that he wasn’t just carrying a cue.

I heard the revving of a Ripper as he used the cue like a spear, throwing it at Daisy, who narrowly dodged the projectile, and Sunburn had to dodge from two hard slashes as the mad Ghoul continued his assault.

“Focus!” Discord shouted as I looked back at the mare who was nearly snarling at me.

“I AM focusing you asshole!”

The Mare looked at me with a touch of confusion, which gave me a chance. I let go of one side of the cue, making her loose her center of gravity, as I… well… I tickled her.

See, the heavy armor was more like the typical barding for horses on our world during the middle ages… except made from scrap metal and, at least on one side, the door of a fridge. So… unprotected belly.

The randomness of the moment, the life and death struggle, and the fact that she was very ticklish, made her loose it. I continued my assault, fingers traveling under her forelegs, down to her belly and back up again as she rolled to get away from me. I was a man possessed, fingers running over her ribs over and over, hooves in the air, kicking about as I sat next to her. Her tortured screams and laughter filled the air as I continued my assault, till the mare went still and didn’t move as the sound of liquid hitting the ground could be heard.

I didn’t look down. I simple stood up, stepped back, and noticed that I wasn’t hearing anything. I looked over at the others and noticed that everyone was staring at me, especially the Ghoul and Sunburn. Both hands up, I looked at them as I smiled. “Uh…. Instinct…” I explained.

The Ghoul looked dumbfounded, which gave Sunburn just enough time to recover, and punch the Ghoul right in the face for a sneak attack, knocking him out. Daisy and I aimed our guns at the now blushing and helpless mare on the ground, covering herself up as best as she could. I was about to say something when Rip and Tear swooped in, and after a few seconds, made short work of the turret and the dead body, a whirlwind of limbs and knives. The sickening screaming of muscle and metal being broken and torn asunder. I didn’t even, really SEE what they were doing, just that afterwards… well… best way to explain it is if you took a can of soda, put batteries in it, then put it into a blender. Messy, but it could have been a lot worse…

I looked back down at the mare, and her eyes where wide, her pupils pinpricks as she looked at the trail of blood leading away from us. She looked back up at me, obviously terrified.

“L-look… take what we’ve got and leave me be… I promise I won’t go looking for ya!” She begged right before a sick snap from nowhere in particular could be heard, as well as a bit of giggling and even…

NOPE! Not getting into it!

“Your caps and half of your supplies.”

“Yours! Just don’t kill me!”

I smiled as I looked at Daisy and Sunburn. Daisy returned the smile, walking past me and petting my cheek with her tail. Sunburn frowned and kicked the unconscious ghoul, making him wheeze as he walked away. I looked back down and, taking the pool cue in my hand, stood up, making sure that my eyes where on her as I got my shot gun back. “You know, your lucky. Very lucky. Normally, I’d think these guys would just shoot ya and be done with it. Take your stuff and go on. You only lost one guy out of three, and your turret. You might be able to get another one if you scrounge around about… oh… three miles south in that old city? Cleaned it up from all the raiders there, so you’ll be good to go for scavenging there.”

She looked at me with a haunted expression. I didn’t know what she was thinking as I stepped away from her and let her breath. “What is with the act? Why don’t you kill us?”

I didn’t look her in the eyes as I sighed. I shook my head and gave a weak smile. “I just got here, and I don’t want to kill folks. Best way to get rid of enemies is to make them into friends is what my mom taught me. With that said, I’m not expecting you to be all buddy buddy with me. Especially since Sunburn killed your friend there.”

She looked at the body, then back at me with a smirk. “Wasn’t a buddy… if anything, I’m going to have to thank your friend for getting rid of an extra mouth to feed.” She chuckled as she got up on her hooves.

I brought by laser pistol up, just as a precaution, as I put my shot gun up. “Well, that’s a shame… I’d probably find better friends that are smarter.” I said with a smile.

“Oh, haha… He was a bit of an idiot. Actually thought that the Princess rose the sun and moon before they died. Ridiculous, right?” She said, looking down at her hooves.

I blinked a few times, and looked up at the sky, at the sunlight. That was something that was bothering me, ever since I came here. I mean, I know that, according to head cannons from all sorts of folks on YouTube that a lot of unicorns had done the job of raising and setting the sun, but I don’t think folks right here are actually focused enough to actually do that right now. Could that mean that there was a group of Alicorns that where around, doing that job? And how would that work? I mean, in the fan fic, Unity was an attempt to create a hivemind of fake Alicorns… is THAT what is happening here?

“Fat Boy! To the left!” Discord nearly screamed as I heard something running at me. I had just enough time to see the mare, a knife in her hooves, jumping right at me. I… I froze. I didn’t think that that was going to happen.

The blade sank into the left side of me, as I looked down at her. Her eyes, glaring up at me with such hate.

“Now, keep quiet and I’ll make this… quick?”

I could feel her grip relax as I saw the shadows on the ground. I looked up, still shocked as Rip and Tear, covered in red, descended onto the now disarmed mare. Her screams… her face looking at me as I saw them do their work. It was… it was…

I’m hearing my name a lot now. I guess I messed up.

I’m... going to go to sleep now….

///////////////////

I heard it. I looked out the window and heard it.

“Rebecca, are you alright?”

It was one of the strange people that he left me with. I don’t like them that much, but they are better than THEM.

I closed my eyes as she asked me again, and I focused on what I heard.

I don’t like that sound. I’m going to make it better.

Maybe he’ll know it was me and come right back? That would be nice. He’s a lot better than a lot of the folks here.

Come back, Jerry.

///////////////////

I heard Rip and Tear yelling. I ran out and saw it. I ran as fast as I could and slid to Jerry’s side. His eyes where closed, but I could hear him breathing. He was bleeding, but not nearly as much as I was thinking, but I knew we had to get him out of here.

“SUNBURN! GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW! WE’RE LEAVING!” I yelled as Rip and Tear where crying as they stabbed the pile of gore on the ground. “Girls! GIRLS!”

They both looked up at me, their faces covered in crimson and streaks of tears down their cheeks. “Clean yourselves off and fly up! Tell me where the closest structure is, Now!”

They didn’t say or do anything besides what I told them to. They climbed up and I saw them creating and pulling pieces of clouds on themselves, a quick wash with rain as they circled around. It didn’t take long till one shot towards the east, and Tear dropped down next to me.

“Rip flying! Going to borrow stims! Make Blood Man well!” She was trying to smile, nodding as she looked down at the knife still sticking from Jerry’s side.

“Good… get back up in the sky and keep an eye out for your sister, alright? We’ll be heading east…”

“Oh, Holy Cadence’s Tits, what happened?” Sunburn yelled as he looked on what was going on in front of him.

“a cascade of fuck ups…” I couldn’t help but pet Jerry’s cheek as I looked down at him. “Get a mattress and bring it here.” I ordered as I looked up at him. He was still looking at the knife. “STOP! AND! FOCUS!” I nearly screeched as I looked at him.

He cowered away from me as he heard me yell at him, and another growl made him scramble back inside. He is a lot easier to control when he is afraid of me. I like to keep him there. It helps to keep him from screwing up too much.

It didn’t take long for him to come back with a mattress, and a harness around his neck. I gently picked up Jerry and put him on the makeshift transport. I simply waved Sunburn forward, and he began to pull Jerry. I kept my eyes on Jerry, but my hands on my rifle. I’m not going to let him die.

My heart is beating so hard, and… and I want him now! Why now of all times is this creeping up on me?

I shake my head hard, growling as I raise my rifle up into the air, making sure that it wasn’t pointing near where Tear was flying.

As we continued forward, time didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t tell if the sun was going down, or if I was imagining it almost being reset high into the sky. If it wasn’t for Tear leading us in a proper direction, I would have thought we where lost. Then I saw the small flash of light in the distance. I saw Rip rushing right towards us, carrying someone in her hooves. As she flew low, I could see the expression on both of their faces. Fear was just soaked in Rip’s eyes, as was her “friend”, a young griffon, who had to be hardly older than 15, looked at us with terror. He wore a black cloak that fluttered in the wind as he was dragged towards us. The fact he wasn’t screaming meant that he was doing this willingly.

Hmmm… till I know he’s older, I’ll do my best to think of him as younger than sixteen. Keeps my hands to myself.

Rip stopped hard, twenty feet above us as she let go of the griffon. It was at that moment I realized that he was a doctor. “A-a-alright… l-let me s-s-s-see the p-p-pa-pa-patient…” The griffon said as his wings spread open and let him land next to Jerry. He looked at the wound on his side and smiled. “G-g-good job on n-n-n-n-not pulling the blade out. Kept your f-f-friend from bleeding out.”

I was about to say something before he hushed me, and jumped onto the mattress. The way he shifted his body weight on the mattress made me think he had done this before. Rip sat next to me and smiled nervously. “No stims. Found chicken doctor! He fix Blood Bag, right?”

The griffon took out needles, thread, and what I guessed where anti-bacterial wipes from his bag. He was muttering to himself as his front paws worked out the knife, while the back paws riffled through his medicine bag. Seconds after he was even on the ground, and he was removing the knife with the care and precision a surgeon twice his guessed age could do. The amazing part was when I saw the blade, the rusted edges from years of misuse and disuse, pulled from Jerry’s body what looked like a disgusting, twisted sausage that looked overstuffed. His clawed hand held up the strange thing, and looked back down at Jerry. “H-h-his insides… th-th-they’re flipped… I-i-interesting…” He muttered out loud as he pulled up a jar and stuffed the thing inside of it.

“What was that?” I asked myself out loud, and the griffin looked up at me momentarily before looking back down at his work.

“Appendix… u-u-useless piece of f-f-flesh near large intestine… u-u-usually found on th-th-the other side… p-perhapes advanced case of situs inversus? Y-y-yes!” He held his head onto Jerry’s chest and nodded as his claws finished cleaning/closing up all the cuts (Both inside and out) in a matter of minutes.

I’ve never seen one claw do so much before! I almost jumped him then and there, but then saw the doctor pull out a bag of blood and smelling his still bloodied claw. He shook his head and put the blood back in and pulled out another one, which was met with a big smile.

“O nega-ga-gative… very rare… synth blood will be needed later if he is accident prone.” With that, he looked at me, as though as if I knew. I just shrugged.

I… I don’t know anything about Jerry. I mean, besides a few things here and there about what he shared with Sunday and Ragdoll, but besides that… he’s never sat down with me and talked with me about anything.

Why do I care? I don’t want anything more than a nice, warm bed with him.

No, that isn’t it, is it?

Focus, girl! Why is this happening!?

I looked up and saw Rip circling around us. Tear was doing her best to focus on the area around us. Her flight has changed so much. It’s… It’s getting to be too much. So much is swirling inside my mind…

“Stop”

I looked over to Sunburn, one eye looking at me as he walks. He stopped walking! Why is he…

I felt it… something isn’t right. I looked back and saw something I thought I never would see again. Teeth and darkness covered in a robe, stained red, a hand raised up, reaching for me! I raised my gun up, snarling. “GET HIM TO A SAFE PLACE!” I said as I shot at where it’s head was supposed to be as it passed through with no resistance! I fire again, and again! Nothing… he’s supposed to die! He’s supposed to be dead!

Then… nothing but a hand resting on my thigh, and… and I was back… just walking. Jerry’s eyes looking up at me, his hand using up so much strength to get my attention. “Stop… and focus…” I could have sworn that it wasn’t Jerry’s voice. And as soon as he finished talking, he blacked out again. The Doctor cursed and looked at his vitals. After a few seconds, he sighed, a smile on his face as he looked up at me. “He’s stable for now… p-p-pick up sp-sp-speed. One m-mile. Straight.”

I shook my head, trying to make sense of what happened to me, but it only lasted for a moment. Focusing came easier for me this time, and I couldn’t care how. Jerry just needs to be okay.

/////////////////////////

The Bloodbag was hurt!

We have to do something.

We have to hurt! Hurt the one who hurt Bloodbag!

Knife and blood, Rip and Tear makes more with teeth and hooves! Anger bleeds! Anger wails! Blood must be saved!

Tears and cries ring from anger, then love-sister runs to us. She yells, and orders. We obey. Up into the sky we fly and wash away our anger-blood.

Help Bloodbag! Bloodbag still warm! We separate, one to protect, one to rush to get Stims!

We separate and… and we become two. Tear stays. Rip… I fly hard forward. I see place filled with others. They look up at me, and do not yell or scream. Buildings are old and smell bad. One looks big and old with a lot of old things inside it. Letters I can remember read “Museum”. Our Boss, blessed Blood Boss, told us of them! They help us! I know it! I land and see one with red “t” on it’s house. I grab him and he makes weird noises. I yell, and others panic. Weird bird-cat is shivering as I go back. I explain, but he’s stupid. Asks questions. Headache! Got to help Bloodbag!

We’re one again! We can talk easier! Rip drops the bird-cat on the ground and he gets to work. Jumps on and does things, and we can’t help! Tear and Rip, me and her, together, and we can’t do anything! Love-Sister feels the same way. We can feel her going back into an ungood thought. We’ve seen it so many times. We help, but it only does so much, and with The Bully around and the cat-bird…

Griffon… yes, griffon. With the griffon there, we can’t help. But…

We look at each other as we feel it. “Mama’s friend!” we say. We remember him… we remember stories of him! When Mama still let us with her, she told us of a friend of hers! He was big and long and silly and drank glass and broke milk! We loved those stories! Of good people being good! She is so old… Mama said that he was waiting for someone. Is the Bloodbag who Mama’s friend was waiting for?

We want to meet Mama’s friend so badly, but we can’t! We can’t, because we want to help OUR friend! Mama would say to help our friend first, because it’s what Good Blood wants. And Good Blood gets what Good Blood wants!

///////////////////////////////////////////////

The

Fucking

Hell

Happened?

I swear, I was just minding my own business, looking at all the loot we got, when I heard it. Rip and Tear screeching and tearing into something. I thought that they where just kicking the turret apart. They HATE robots and turrets. If they saw that Sentry Bot in the Bad Dream’s hide out, they would have made it into scrap faster than those three Night Stallions did!

I walked back out, just behind Daisy, and then I saw Rip and Tear, just like back when we first met them in that Hell hole. I’ve seen some messed up shit, but that place… and this? I’m never getting the look of that mare’s eyes out of my mind. I looked down at where the ghoul was let down, and noticed that the fucker ran off!

Fucking fuck! Every fucking time!

I was about to tell Daisy, when I noticed the Fat Man on the ground with a knife in his gut. “Oh, Holy Cadance’s tits! What happened?” I yelled out as I tried to figure out everything that was going on.

“A cascade of fuck ups. Go inside and get a mattress!”

I jump right to it, cause… well, fucker may be annoying, but I ain’t going to just let some asshole raider who ended up as Rip and Tears chew toy kill that Fat Man!

Fuck, it would look shitty on my record if I let one of my subordinates die like a bitch! So, inside I go, and hook up the mattress to myself, as well as a few bags of our awesome loot we’ve got!

I started walking after Daisy put Fat Man on the mattress. There wasn’t much to it, though. Just walk as fast as I can and follow Tear to where we needed to go. It’s nothing but walking till Rip came back with a scared shit-less griffon in her forelegs. I couldn’t make heads or tails of what he was saying, so I just focused on moving forward. A few things here and there about “Useless intestine meat” and whatever “Citrus Inventory-us” is. I didn’t care about the words, just if he was doing his thing or not. I looked back and saw Daisy’s face. She was back there. Her mind was thinking of that guy from a year ago. She swore it was a demon or a ghost, but ghosts don’t rub their hands all over you and… and do things.

Look, you can throw a rock in any direction where folks are at and hit some guy who was the butt slave to raiders or some monster or another. But those fuckers you can kill. That guy…

“Stop.” I heard myself say. I don’t know what happened then, and I stopped moving. I could only move my eyes to look at Daisy, and that heart wrenching look in her eyes. “Stop and just focus”

I felt a bit weird. Like it was what I really wanted to say to her, but… but if I did, it would have came out wrong. She was looking at the Fat Man, but I didn’t care that time. Daisy was going to be okay from whatever it was that happened, and that was okay with me. I continued forward, picking up speed when the griffon stuttered his instructions out, and the twins where in rare form, focusing on getting us to where we needed to go.

I think I’m doing pretty good for my first taste of being a leader.

//////////////////////////////

Darkness becoming light becoming darkness becoming light.

Really, that’s all I remember when I fell asleep… or whatever it was. I moved around, trying to get comfortable, only to find out that I can’t get to my side. With that little discovery, my eyes open slowly, and I find myself looking at… well… a ceiling. An ugly, worn out ceiling. An ugly, worn out, flipping Bob Vela the bird ceiling.

Still better than the Library’s ceiling, though.

I was about to sit up when I saw two hands reach out and hold onto my shoulders. I look to my right and saw Daisy, looking me in the eyes. “Hold on there. Don’t be moving yet, hun.”

Her voice seemed to slip into a southern twang before she held out a straw to a bottle of water. I eagerly started to sip at it, only to realize that the “straw” was actually made from old paper. I blinked to myself a bit as I stopped, looking at the straw, then looking up at Daisy. “How long have I been out?” My voice sounded horrible. Like I swallowed sand for a living.

“More than half the day… it’s actually midnight, if your Pip Boy is right. You feeling alright?”

“Alright… I feel a lot of pain right now, but I think I’m good. If we got any stim pacs, I can-“

“Oh, no! We aren’t having you grow any extra heads on my watch.” Daisy said, glaring down at me like I was trying to light a firecracker with an oily rag in my teeth. “How many Stims have you used since you’ve got here?”

I sat there, wide eyed as I saw a side of Daisy I never thought I’d see.

“Exactly what I thought you’d say… we’re going to use some healing powder on you instead. It’s not as fast acting as Stims are, but you aren’t going to start growing tumors, either.”

“Is that really a thing? Stims causing cancer?”

Daisy raised an eyebrow as she looked at me in the eyes. “Who said anything about cancer? I said tumors.”

“Stim Tumors, to be e-e-exact! Over ab-b-bundance of materials for quick re-re-regeneration can cause serious side effects, such as the development of benign tumors that can grow into separate entities. St-st-stim tumors happen when someone uses Stim’s more than six or s-s-seven times a week. They are more for d-d-damaged area’s that are instantly fatal, to gi-gi-give the patient a chance to survi-vi-vive.”

I followed the voice and saw, perhaps, the fourth cutest thing in the world! Small griffon, couldn’t be older than ten years old if he was a human, with pale green feathers and fur, in an oversized lab coat, with oversized hypodermic needle! I mean, the needle had to have been a good seven inches, maybe ten inches long! Ridiculous! Criminally cute! Like a puppy with a katana in it’s mouth!

“Oh, my God, your adorable!” I managed to keep myself from saying that bit out loud, but then realized something… he was coming close to me with the damn needle. “Oh, my God, your terrifying…” I did not say that softly as I struggled in my bed. Daisy held out my arm, and I pouted, looking at her like I was betrayed.

“N-n-no, not in the arm.”

Oh, thank goodness, thank you little bird doctor! … wait, why is he flipping me…?

Oh, Fish Sticks!

////////////////////////////////////////////

In a dimension just shy of our own, a lone figure, a great scientist, puts the finishing touches on his greatest creation. A creature that is built for speed and durability, using advanced echolocation to locate and kill all who it and it’s kin could find to make way of the scientists own species.

The grey skinned creature carefully, and calmly typed in the information, knowing that even the slightest of noises could disrupt the delicate process, and not only ruin decades of work and doom his planet, but cause his own death. Then, he saw an odd sight.

A ripple in space-time appeared before him, and he began to hear the soft rumbling from it. The Scientist’s eyes widened as his mouth hung open, and doom was spelled out from-

Okay, okay, I had my fun. That really didn’t happen. Jerry simply whimpered as he was stuck several times with a series of shots to make sure he didn’t get any serious infections, and all I did was sit around watching the whole pathetic thing, but lets be honest! What I just made in your monkey brains?

Perfect comedy…

Okay, maybe not perfect, but it IS better than what REALLY happened.

“FISH STICKS!” indeed. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

//////////////////////////////////

I laid on my stomach, eyes wide open, groaning.

So much pain.

So many needles.

God? Are you there? It’s me, Jerry. Why did you allow my butt to become a pincushion?

“Because you’re an idiot.” Discord’s voice rang through as I recovered. “You can’t, can’t, CAN’T put your guard down! Ever! Your lucky that you survived this.”

Damn it…

“No, you listen! You’ve been lucky so far! Very damn lucky! TOO damn lucky! How many times have you been close to dying because you didn’t think things through?”

Lets see… there was the time when I was shot at by Daisy, the time I-

“THAT WAS RHETORICAL!” Discord screamed in my mind as he glared at me. “Listen to me, Fat Man! You are not in Missouri any longer. Your biggest problem isn’t going to be how much gas costs, or whether you’re going to have to replace your toilet after eating at questionable fast food places! You are going to die if you don’t get over the idea of killing people. And there is no reloading the game for you. If you die, that is it. You’ll find out if there is an afterlife. You will be an ex-human!”

Don’t you think I understand this? Do you think I’m just walking around thinking that I’m going to be alright? That I’ll just steamroll over anything that happens to me? I’m going to tell you something, Discord. Dying doesn’t scare me.

I can think of hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of things scarier than being dead. Oh, sure, the act of dying scares me, but I’ll get to that when it happens. But losing people? Especially people I could save? That haunts me. I don’t feel bad about what happened back there, Discord. Even if I died, I wouldn’t feel bad. She made a horrible mistake, and she got what she deserved. And if she hadn’t gotten herself killed? I still wouldn’t hold it against her… entirely.

With that said, I will admit something. I made a mistake that almost made me break a promise to a little girl. I’m not going to have anyone, and I do mean anyone, say that I broke my promise. You understand me?

Discord was quiet for a while. I saw his eyes lock onto me before he finally relaxed. He looked to the side, as though as if he was looking at something just out of my sight. “The next time you are put on guard duty, I’ll keep my eyes open to make sure you don’t screw up nearly as bad.”

And that’s all that I ask for, dude.

“DON’T…. don’t call me ‘Dude’, boy.” Discord growled, trying to keep himself from bursting out with anger. He regained his composure rather easily, his own eyes closed as he brought his hands together. “I need you to get better, Jerry. To BE better. I’ll keep you alive as best as I can. You have to help out. Promise me that you will.”

I looked at Discord for, Lord, it must have been at least five minuets, fifteen tops. I nodded my head just enough for him to realize that was what I did, before I felt my eyes droop. “Now, get some rest and a bit of shut eye. You’ll be out of commission for a few days while I try and fix you up.”

What about the chaos energy reserves?

“I will make due. Don’t worry about it.”

I’m not going to have a dream again tonight, am I?

“No, and it’s for the best. Certain… elements are becoming far more intrusive than I want. You being conscious there could be a problem.”

Flag?

Discord flinched as he looked back at me. “Yes.”

I felt a cold chill go up my spine, but soon my eyes felt heavy. It didn’t take long for my mind to slip into a dreamless sleep, my last thought being “At least I’ll get a cool scar to show for my time here when I get back.”

/////////////////////////////////////////

I looked over at the Doctor as Jerry fell asleep. My hand nearly instinctively went to brush some of Jerry’s hair out of his face as I looked at the young griffon’s face. “I can’t say enough how thankful I am, Doctor.”

“P-P-Percival, Ma’am. Percival P. St-st-Stanwick. At your service.” The griffon said with a much more relaxed tone than he once had. “Y-your husband will be happy to know your companion is alive and well.”

I looked at Percival with a smile. “Husband? You really take me as the marrying type?” I couldn’t help but bring out a bit of a pur. Something about making this feathered ball of insecurities stutter just made me feel good.

“Y-yeah. The way you and he argued made you s-s-sound like a couple. It was k-k-kind of sweet.” He said with a happy sigh. He shook his head and went back to looking over Jerry’s wound one last time, and standing up. I didn’t notice before how he typically only stood on his hind legs without a slouch, his wings just a touch smaller than other gryphons I have met. It then hit me.

“Are you half human, by any chance?”

“Y-yes. Father’s side. Father died protecting my mother and my siblings. M-mother hatched me when she and siblings got here. Taught me everything I know.” He frowned as he looked at his hands, that looked a lot more nimble with claws not nearly as sharp as a typical gryphons, but still dangerous if he knew how to use them. I’ve seen those eyes before, filled with anger that was just contained by will. “I l-lost her not to l-long ago.” His hand curled into a fist and he brought it down, behind his back as his smile returned.

I knew the best way to get his mind off of that. I carefully slid behind him and draped my arms around his shoulders, giving him a hug. “Just so you know… that big guy out there and I aren’t a couple. If you have a little time, I can make a first installment for payment.” I purred into his ear. He shivered, and didn’t try and get away from me.

“I… I am of age… if you have been-“

That’s all I needed to know. He didn’t have a chance to finish as I pulled him out of the room. I do not want to be interrupted by the twins this time!

I.

Need.

This.

//////////////////////////////////////

I can’t believe I’m doing this. This is so fucking annoying, waiting, hoping that the fat kid is alright, and just waiting! Rip and Tear have been flying outside, causing some trouble here and there, and that was fun for about… an hour. Especially when they stole one of the hats from one of them monks, and passed it between them. The skinny guy was running around in a full sprint trying to chase after them, it was priceless!

But when the old gryphon appeared and shouted at them, they stopped and gave it back to the guy. Got yelled at by the old dude, and found out he was the head honcho. Father… something or other. Gordon? Griffith? Garry? Damn, I need to pay more attention. Anyways, he told me to get Daisy to talk with him, and I’ve been looking all through this building since! Big hospital. I think most of the folks live here, since not every room is made to hold patients.

Cool, I guess. The village down the hill is boring as crap anyways. I’ve been doing some… shopping… when I began to hear something.

Voices.

I start walking down the hallways and I could hear something going through the air. Sounded familiar, but I could’t put my hoof on it. I just continued walking down the hall, trying to remember where we where supposed to set up, when I just went “Fuck it.” And decided to open every door I saw.

Empty.

Empty.

Jerry looking stupid as he sleep.

Empty.

Empty.

Empty.

Griffon trying to have sex with Daisy.

Empty.

Oooo! Supply Closet! Locked, but still! Who did I lend my hair pins to?

Wait… hold on….

DAISY! She has the hair pins!

I go back two rooms and see Daisy trying to talk the now mortified griffon boy back to getting into the mood. Don’t care. “Daisy! Need hairpins!”

“GOD DAMN IT, SUNBURN!”

“Oh, crap…” It was at that moment that I realized I done fucked up.

/////////////////////////////////////

Oh! They are doing it again! Rip and Tear looked through the windows, both of us enjoying the sight of the mean one being chased by the pretty one as the cat bird watched on. It was funny seeing her… Daisy… seeing Daisy chase Sunburn around! Hey! This is awesome!

“Rip! Rip! I remembered their mommy and daddy names!”

“What! That’s great, Tear! Lady is Daisy… what is mean one again?”

“Sunburn! Sunburn!”

“Sunburn? SUNBURN!”

We giggled as we celebrated. We have been trying to learn other names for so long! Boss is Boss, no problem. Sunday, easy too! But Smart Stupid’s name is a no-no name. Dolly does not like our name for her. Fat Man is Fat Man, and will always be Fat Man! He is so much fun!

//////////////////////////////////

“How many?”

“Two Pegasi, a unicorn, a half breed, and a human. Human injured, Pegasi are idiots, and I think the unicorn can’t use his horn.”

“Hell yeah! Are the others getting’ ready?”

“Yeah. Ready to attack tonight. Focus on the village?”

“No… we burn down the hospital. We need to send a message. Only the words of Brother Blood can bring us salvation.”

///////////////////////

204 years ago…

Things where getting better for Pinkie.

Her mind was focused on the work she had. She was able to think about Nigel without a hint of sorrow filling her thoughts. And the law was going to be thrown at Redrum soon.

The stallion who started the whole nightmare in Ponyville, the one who had harrassed and hurt many people, was finally being charged with the crimes he committed. She couldn’t help but smile at that, her tail dancing behind her as she stood at the cash register.

She was invited to go to the ruling that was going to be presided by a fair judge, Just Rule, who she knew would make sure that, when Redrum was charged, that he would be sent to the Wastelands to serve his sentence.

She didn’t like the idea of punishment in and of itself, but she knew that some ponies and humans could not be rehabilitated, and you had to protect the population. But she knew she would be lying if she said that this one case, this one person, deserved so much more than what he was getting.

She heard the door open with a jingle as Bon Bon raced in, looking panicked. Pinkie smiled and looked at the earth pony, trying to cheer her up. “What’s Bonnie, Bonnie? You look like your in the mood for a croissant.”

“Pinkie, I got…”

“Let me guess, you decided to get something to snack on for tonight when the whole mess with Redrum is done?”

“No, Pinkie! Just let me-“

“Oh, right. Not really a time to be celebrating. Just try and get on with-“

“He was aquitted.”

Pinkie stopped in mid sentence as she heard the words. “He was… what?”

“He was aquitted. None of the witnesses actually saw him there, just heard his voice.”

Pinkie’s eyes narrowed as she looked right at Bon Bon.

“He was there. I heard him as plain as I’m hearing you.”

“Yes, but the words that he said… he’s argueing that someone recorded his voice and played it durring the… the…”

“The Murder.”

Bon Bon shuddered when she heard it. “Since the others in the mob where wearing hoods… they… But that’s not the important part! You need to get to the back of the store now! Please, don’t ask, just-”

Pinkie Pie was going to start yelling when the doors opened once more. This time, an earth pony stallion, standing tall enough to look right into the eyes of a typical human walked in. His coat was pitch black, and his mane a white and washed out pink. On his face was a bored experssion as he looked about the bakery. On his flank was a cutie mark in the shape of a pint of ale and a horse shoe.

Pinkie froze into place as her eyes where glued onto the stallion as his heavy feet hit the floor. He then stopped right in front of her, looking down at her. His mouth slowly inched to a melevolent smile. “Hello there, darlin’.”

Pinkie was shaking out of pure rage as she looked into the black eyes of this murderer, till she felt a pair of hooves on her whithers pulling her into the back as Mr. Cake stepped up. “You ain’t welcomed here, Red Rum.”

“And why is that? I’m just a simple stallion, looking for something to celebrate a hard won battle. Just getting something to eat would mean so much.” Red Rum said with a growl. Mr. Cake was frightened, no doubt about it. The only stallion in Ponyville that had a chance of beating Red Rum in a fair fight was Big Mac, and he was more than likely at home, tending to the farm right then. Calling for the guards now would be out of the question, considering the time it would take for them to get here… if they wanted to.

Pinkie stopped herself from shaking and stood up on her hind legs, making Mr. Cake stumble a bit as Pinkie turned and marched in front of Red Rum. With her voice hinting at a forced sweetness, she smiled up at Red Rum. “How can I help you?”

Red Rum looked surprised, but simply hid it with his crooked smile. “I’d like a dozen of your peppermint doozle cupcakes, please.”

“Peppermint doozles… we only make them for Hearthswarming Eve!” Mr. Cake stumbled as he looked at Pinkie with concern.

“just a Dozen? Come on, Red. You’re a growing boy. Why not two dozen?” Pinkie said, a hint of anger being heard.

“Alright. Three Dozen, and at half price.”

“Deal.”

“Pinkie!” Mr. Cake looked at her then the hateful stallion as Pinkie raced past him and began to bake. He followed her into the kitchen, looking as Pinkie Pie quickly began to add the ingrediants. “Pinkie, what has gotten into you?”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Cake, I’m just a bit crazy right now. I’ll pay for the ingrediants! Aha! There you doozles are!” She picked up a sack of doozle berries as she began to work even harder. “Make sure he knows I’ll be done in about half an hour.”

“Pinkie, you have to stop this! Your going to hurt yourself!” Mr. Cake begged as he watched her add the ingredients chaotic expertise, using her tail, her hair, and all four hooves to blend, chop, stir and pour out the concoction into the needed molds and put them into the oven.

Pinkie turned to Mr. Cake, the first few tears beginning to fall down her cheek. “It’s what Nigel would have wanted, Mr. Cake. Just let me get this done….”

“Pinkie, he’ll keep on doing this… not unless we toss him out right now.” Mr. Cake began as Pinkie turned, glaring at him.

“No! You listen.” She hissed as she got closer to her employer. “You will not endanger your family like that! You toss him out, he’ll come back and destroy your business because of me! Best case scenario, he’ll trash the place. And I am not even going to entertain what the worse case scenario is. I’ll bake him what he wants. I’ll pay for it. He’ll have his laughs and he’ll go away. That simple.”

All while this was happening, Bon Bon stood nearby, eyes glaring at Red Rum as he leaned against the counter, whistling a tune that meant nothing to anyone. He finally saw her and smiled at her. “And you are that Bon Bon… the friend of that monkey lover?”

Bon Bon didn’t say anything as he chuckled. “Shame what happened to them. Is the monkey able to walk now, or is he being pulled around by that ex-pony?”

Bon Bon’s eyes flashed for a moment a briliant crimson right as Pinkie came in. “It will be an hour before your order will be completed, Reddy. Mind if I gave you something to sample while you wait?”

Red Rum glared at Pinkie as he heard the nickname, and was met with a wide, goofy smile that unsettled him. “S-sure…”

Pinkie set a few cupcakes that looked like they where studded with rubies and saphires throughout. “Alright, Reddy, here we have a Mock Ruby-Saphire blast! A pony edible cupcake that is a variation of the Dragon Blast cupcake.” She gushed as she waited for Red Rum to reach for a cupcake, only for her to stop him. “Oh, hold on… “ She held up the cupcake he was about to take and took a closer look, then added a few flakes of gold to it. “There we go! Eat up!”

Red Rum and Bon Bon looked at her with wide eyes, till Red Rum carefully took a bite of the cupcake, as though as if he was being forced to. In moments, the look in his eyes went from worry to wide eyed pleasure. Then, as it waned, it returned to worry. "On... second thought... cancel my order. I'll be back, though." He cracked a smirk as he turned and began to leave. "I'll have plenty of time to." He said right as he began to whistle, his relaxed facade easily flaking away as he tried to make his way away from the bakery.

Pinky's own smile only persisted, but her eyes began to water as Red Rum left. A few more seconds passed, and Red Rum was gone, and so too was the smile. Pinky collapsed onto the ground, weeping hard as Mr. Cake picked her up as carefully as he could, and turned to Bon Bon.

"I'm sorry, Bon Bon... we're going to be closed for the rest of the day."

Bon Bon only nodded as she saw the ever giddy party pony being pulled up to her room. She turned back to the door, and a dark thought came to her mind. That thought, ruminated, fed on other thoughts that tormented her. Then one word came to her.

“Wait.”

As she left the store, she saw Red Rum with a pair of his cohorts, looking back at Sugar Cube Corner. “She’s gone crazy. I tell ya, she’s going to be in the mental ward after the end of the week if I keep on going in there.” For the first time, Red Rum looked guilty. “This is why we’ve got to keep those beasts away from our mares. Everyone will see that we don’t need ‘em, and we can get on with our lives. I just hope she gets over that thing. For all our sakes.”

Bon Bon watched Red Rum’s lips, but they did not move. Then, one of the cohorts nudged him on the shoulder. “You alright?” The smaller stallion said, with no doubts that he had spoken.

Red Rum jerked away a bit, but recovered, the smirk and cock-sure attitude returning as he turned away fully. “Yeah! Lets get out of here, before we get more of those Monkey Lovers.”

Before she could respond, Bon Bon heard the words in her mind again.

“Wait.”

She nodded, and went her own way, her eyes now with a glint of red, and her shadow along the ground warped ever so slightly as a wisp seemed to lash out at nothing in particular. “Patience is a virtue… Right?” Bon Bon said back to the voice in her head.

“Yes… a virtue…”

Author's Note

Alright... it's been WAY too long! I am sorry for everyone waiting so long for this, but I now have time to actually work on this right. Granted, most of this chapter is not that good, and it's been waiting for a few months, but I feel like I needed to put this out here now. I'm hoping that you guys enjoy what I've got, and I do hope to get something out in the near future

Chaper One: Oh, this is going to hurt...

Author's Note

If you see something that needs to be worked on, please, by all means, bring it to my attention. I'll edit this and other chapters till it's shining.

Chaper One: Oh, this is going to hurt...

I woke up in a ditch. I know, it’s a hell of a way to start this. You’ve heard it before in these kinds of stories. You’ll probably guess what I do next. But you know what? I’ll tell you what happened anyways.

I reminded myself who I was, talking out loud. “Jerry Stine. Age, 23. Montgomery, Missouri.” I stopped myself before I started rattling off my social security number. Yeah, I’ve done this before. Always helps to make sure I can focus. I know it’s stupid, but when you wake up in strange places or worry about pretty much every little thing that could possibly go wrong with you medically, you find yourself coming up with these kinds of “stupid” things to make sure you are mentally sound.

I started to look over my body. Torn black coat, Size 3XL, with six pockets total, three on both sides, but was still far from being useless. Just needed a needle and thread and I could fix it. Jeans were again, torn, but again, not that horrible. Long johns are still good. No wetting myself, so that is working for me, too. No other kinds of problems. My shoes were… gone. Completely gone.

At least my socks where still there, though.

The grass around me was brown, but still had enough give to it to call it alive. It kind of perplexed me when I stood up that it actually felt comfortable. I began looking up and down the ditch, hoping to find my shoes when I saw one of them only a few feet away. Quickly putting it on my foot, I finally began retracing my steps. (Thought I’d forget about that, didn’t ya?)

I remembered driving my car from work, then a deer running across the road. Then nothing. “Oh, crap! Am I dead?” I pinched myself, and got nothing but a nice stinging on my cheek. Okay, not dead.

I looked up into the sky and saw a hazy gray. Very heavy cloud cover just echoed what would be going through my mind. I remembered, more or less on a whim, the sky on a videogame I enjoyed playing. I couldn’t remember it off the top of my head, but it was a good one. I decided that I needed to see if I could find my car, or at least someone with a phone. (I had a bad habit of forgetting my phone at home, and it so happened to have been one of those days. Yeah, shame on me.)

I began to climb out of the ditch as I saw a road. A simple dirt covered number. Reminded me of home. That didn’t make sense, though. I wasn’t on a dirt road. I was on a concrete road, still a good ten miles from home. I could make out hoof prints. Not deer or cow hooves. I’ve seen plenty of both, but these where… well, smaller than the cows, but bigger than deer. I could only think of a horse shoe when I looked at it.

Confession time: I am a fan of a certain show. I think it’s pretty obvious what that show is, since you are reading it on THIS site. However, as a brony, I have found myself more interested in the fan made stories than the show proper.

With that said, I did not think of little, multi-colored ponies when I saw the prints. I thought that someone was taking their mini-heard of proper ponies to their farm. I didn’t know that many people in the area, most of my friends being from other cities or towns, at least till I looked at the gait, or how they walked. I don’t usually notice how things like that go on a regular basis, but using the totally scientific method of using my hands as a standard of measurement, I discovered that these ponies were walking weird. Dirt and soil was disturbed in awkward ways, like someone was shifting their weight. I even saw one that looked like they were walking sideways.( Yeah, weird, I know. I guess I crited a perception check or something…. And I will now try and keep my other nerdy exploits out of this.)

I actually stopped my horrible impression of Sherlock Holmes when something caught my eye. The lack of leafy trees in the area made the wind going through them moves the limbs in an eerie manner. Considering that it was fall, I simply chalked it up to the season, till I actually looked around. My jaw dropped as I saw the nearby village that had seen better days. Several of the homes where either burnt down or total messes. And the state of everything was eerie. The homes where modestly sized. It could easily fit a family of four.

“Why am I appraising destroyed homes?” I said out loud.

I realized at that moment that I should have kept my mouth shut as I heard a rustling in a particularly tall patch of grass. I ran back to my safe ditch as I made the outline of a muted purple creature on four legs walking back onto the road.

“What the fuck was that?” A feminine voice spoke up as I heard a familiar sound of a round being put into the chamber of a rifle.

“What the fuck was what?” The male voice was a bit higher than the females. I slowly peeked over the side of the road as I saw them. Remember when I said my jaw dropped a while ago? Still hasn’t recovered.

I was looking at two ponies. One was a green maned, blue coated stallion that just screamed annoying. His mane, thank the Lord, was shaved till only the front bangs where left to hang over his eyes. I can only take so much stupid color combos. The other was a purple coated, grey maned unicorn mare. She was a whole lot easier on the eyes. The Mare had a gun hovering near her. Revolver, if you are wondering. The Stallion carried a machete in a holster to his side.

I thanked God he was an earth pony, because I did not want to deal with flying machetes.

The mare scanned the area with her piercing red eyes. Did she see me?

“I saw something that looked like a mutant Minotaur. Black fur and brown hair, no horns, though.” The mare said as she looked towards my direction. I remained still as she was about to see me when the Stallion nudged her.

“I thought you were off the Mentants, Sunday. You know that the boss is trying to get us all clean so we can sell the product to the-“

Sunday turned to her compatriot, annoyed. “I’ve been clean for three months, Dumbass. I know what I saw, and it was right here!”

The two looked at each other with mild distain for a few seconds, only for Sunday to relent. “Fine, fine. We don’t got time to worry about those kinds of freaks right now, anyways.” The two began to walk away from me, following the path over a small hill. As they disappeared, I slowly made my way back up and began to walk towards the village.

As I walked past the other ditch, I managed to find my other shoe. By “Find”, I mean my foot slipped right into it in a one in a million shot. I’ve never thought of myself as a lucky man. I think finding myself in a world filled with ponies armed to the teeth and probably willing to kill something like me without a second thought would not be Lucky, but who knows! I certainly don’t.

“Alright… mentats… why does that sound- FALLOUT!? Really!? “Realization can hurt sometimes. It hurt me even more now when I looked at the ground around the village. Small, disk like objects made from metal littered the ground. “And here I am, without a pipboy.”

I love Fallout. I love My Little Pony. I hate being here, wherever here is. (Denial. This is not Equestria. This is not the world of peanut butter and chocolate mixing, crossovering, total bat shit craziness of Fallout Equestria. I refuse it to my dying brea-)

I heard gunshots hitting one of the mines a few yards away. I ducked and rolled away, only to hear more gunshots and the beeping of more landmines. Explosions seemed to follow my rolling self, just out of blast radius. I know this tactic. It’s a sucky one, by the way. My friends would use it on me when we played Halo. Set up a sniper, have him shoot at me, and make me run right at someone with a shot gun or rocket launcher, or a landmine.

Before I could get totally tuckered by the rolls, I found myself (again, by the hand of God! I swear to you.) behind a concrete barrier. I managed to catch my breath as I looked out the corner of my cover. I was at the entrance to the town. No mines down there. I saw a bell tower attached to a library, and a shine.

“Oh, crap.” I managed to duck back behind cover as another round whizzed past me.

Confession time 2: I have shot a rifle exactly five times in my life. If I had a weapon of any kind, a sniper rifle would not be high on my list. Except for now. I wanted something, anything to use. I looked out ahead and saw a dead body. A stallion wearing a leather jacket and a big hole between his eyes.

Oh, yeah. Just wanted you to know that even in this life or death situation, seeing a dead body (even that of a non-human) scared me enough to almost jump out of cover. I screamed out loud. I think I heard laughter somewhere. Doesn’t matter. Long stretches of seconds passed. I poked at the body, and after confirming that he was, in fact, dead, something popped out of his pocket. It wasn’t a gun or a knife, but it was something that I knew I could use. It was a stealth boy.

Now, having a stealth boy and USING said stealth boy are two separate things. I looked over the controls for the thing, and knew I only had a few seconds. I needed to plot a course carefully. I peeked over the cover once more and could see a few nice blind spots. Before I actually went along with the plan, I ducked down when I realized something.

I had no fricking idea what I was doing. I was going to die, then and there after just jumping into a world that shouldn’t exist by a sniper pony. What part of that sentence made sense?

I needed to try something else.

“HEY! BUDDY! I-I DON’T WANT ANY TROUBLE!” I shouted. “I-I HAVE SOME STUFF TO TRADE IF YOU CAN GIVE ME A FEW THINGS TO EAT AND A MAP OF THE AREA!”

A few seconds pass as I waited.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

I took off my coat and shirt to take out my undershirt, and using a nearby stick, made an impromptu flag. “DOES THIS SHOW THAT I’M SERIOUS?”

A few more seconds go by. “Wait right there. Don’t you fucking move.”

“What is it with people using the f-word here? I mean, seriously?” I said under my breath as I waited. It hurt just waiting. I heard feet coming closer and closer to me, and I could feel my body tremble. Longjohn moisture status is dry, but bladder is reaching critical levels.

I have never been so happy to see a gun pointed at me in my life. Said gun was in the mouth of a mare with a white coat and a brown mane. She looked young. I mean, young in the sense of older than CMC (Cutie mark crusaders, for the unlearned. More information shall be available on the internet at your discression) but younger than the main characters of MLP (Which I always assumed to be in their early twenties to late teens. What? It’s my head cannon. I’ll aim it where I want.)

She looked at me with muffled curiosity. I stood still, smiling, but not showing teeth. “Hello.” I managed to wave at her.

She stood there, eyes wide open as she looked into my eyes. “Your... are you a human?”

How the hell is she talking like that with a gun in her mouth?

I nodded slowly as I looked at the gun. “And I have a Stealth boy. I hope those are both good things.”

She slowly lowered her weapon and, using her hoof, put her gun away. “You have no idea.” She motioned me to stand up. I slowly did so, standing over the mare. She looked up at me, then smiled. “You’re a big guy, aren’t ya?”

“Is that a fat joke or a racial slur?” I said in mock outrage as I put my shirts and coat back on.

Now before you say anything, I know what your going to say. You know why? I said it myself in my head. “HOW AM I ABLE TO MAKE THAT KIND OF STUPID JOKE RIGHT NOW!? JUST TWO SECONDS AGO, I HAD A GUN TO MY HEAD! “ I think the best way to explain it was to say that she was, so far, the kindest face I’ve seen here. Granted, she was the third. Fourth if you count the dead guy.

“Fat joke with a tinge of racial slur. Got a problem with that?” she said with a coy smile and a raised eyebrow. I like her.

I shake my head with a smile as she motions for me to walk ahead of her (after taking the Stealth Boy from me, by the way). “Alright… I’ll start things. I’m Jerry. You are?”

“Ragdoll. And you’re going to have to keep your arms up. My sister got her hoof on the trigger, waiting for you to screw up.” She said with an odd smile as she walked by my side. I did as she said, even going so far as to keep them from the back of my head so my hands would be seen at all times. I managed to keep my toothless smile on my face as we made our way.

“Uh… interesting name… mind if I see your cutie mark?”

“Cutie-mark?” Ragdoll looked up at me, confused for a moment till it dawned on her. “OH! The mark! Right… “ She quickened her pace and began to walk sideways, giving me a profile of her as I saw a rather strange icon of a bear trap shut on a broken stick. “Kind of a strange excuse to peek at a mares flank.”

I did not mean to sound as pervy as that. I blushed into a new spectrum of red, showing the surrounding areas a glowing red light show as I tried to gasp for an explanation. Nothing came to me. No, I had no plans on pulling a Captain Kirk. I had no idea where I was, but I wanted to get out of here asap. But I will be a good guest. “I-I’m just going to shut up for a while.”

Ragdoll giggled as she went back to my side. “You know, I’ve never met a human before. But if more of them are like you, I’m going to owe Bloody a few bits.”

“Bloody? Who are they?”

“My sister… my OTHER sister.” She emphasized “other” with her hoof, as though as if she was underlining the word in the air. “The sister that is out with her buddy Dumbass. Getting things ready for the Boss…” She stopped herself as she looked up at me. My eyes felt like they were as big as saucers. They probably where as big as the ponies, since she looked at me as I began sweating. “You alright, buddy? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“Your sister wouldn’t happen to be named Bloody Sunday, Would it?”

“Yeah…” She was reaching for her gun again. Shiiiii-

“NO NO! Don’t worry… I didn’t do anything… I hid from her. She thought I was a Mutant Minotaur. I think she would have shot me if I saw her, and she and… Dumbass? His name is really Dumbass?” The shock of A) almost being killed by Ragdoll and B) finding out the name of the poor stallion was actually Dumbass made me flop my arms down with confusion. Bad move. A loud shot rang through the air as I was hit in the shoulder. “OOOOOOH, CRAAAAAAP! OOOOOW!”

“DAMN IT, DAISY! STOP SHOOTING!”

I quickly took off my coat and shirt as I looked at the wound. A proper graze. Hurt like hell. Correction. It felt like Hell had imbedded a small sliver of it’s stupidity into my shoulder. So, I was bleeding, but I could tell I wasn’t going to die. Well, as long as the shooter didn’t try and shoot my head off.

“Can we just get something for my shoulder? Please?” I begged as I used my undershirt as a make shift bandage. Ragdoll hurried me into the library, where I was met with three sets of eyes, two more mares and a stallion. The two mares where twin pegasus. I could tell by the fact that their mane and coat color switched between the two. (Blue and gold, with silver highlighs in their hair, by the way.) The stallion looked at me like I had just flipped him the bird. I could tell I was not going to like him.

“Ragdoll, what the fu-“ He began only to be interrupted by the twins running over to me, pulling out knives with their mouths as they dementedly flew around me.

“No, Rip! Tear! Down!” The two pegesi landed and began to walk away, like a dog who was scolded by their master. Ragdoll stood next to me as she pushed me to a table. “ Sit down. I’ll fix you up.”

I did as Ragdoll said as the two Pegasi slowly made their way outside. I felt both safer and in more danger inside the library. Books were all about, and I found myself picking up one instinctively, and began to read it as Ragdoll quickly made her way to a box and returned with what I recognized as Stim-pacs. I was about to see how these babies worked first hand.

“Alright, I get it. This is a prank.” The Stallion was still hung up about me being here. He walked towards me, his horn glowing as he pulled out a shot gun. “Dumbass and your slutty sister is probably in a meat costume, trying to get me back from yesterday.”

Ragdoll rolled her eyes as she stomped his hoof, causing enough pain for him to drop the gun. She then kicked it away as she plunged the stim-pack into me.

“Ow!” we both said in unison.

“You’ll live, you babies…” She turned to the stallion and smirked. “He’s a real human. He’s a big one, but he managed to get around Sunday. And he wasn’t killed by the landmines. So he’s pretty lucky. I think the Boss would love to see him, don’t you?”

The Stallion gritted his teeth as he gave up interrogating me and Ragdoll, going back to his seat. I had looked down at my wound and saw the skin quickly close around the wound, leaving a long, thin scar.

“Wow…” I turned back to Ragdoll, still a bit concerned. “Alright… I got to know… if I was just some regular shlub, and not a human…”

“You’d be as dead as the stallion you took the Stealth Boy from.”

Ragdoll is not one to beat around the bush. She said it in such a natural tone, that it seemed like she was simply talking about the weather.

Alright. I got to know what I can and cannot do here. I don’t want to end up getting killed Aby accident. I am still wondering mentally why I am acting so cool. “Am I going to be sold as a slave?” I asked like an idiot.

Ragdoll shrugged as she went to get a snack. “Don’t know. Humans are considered rare. Not excessively rare, but rare.” She tossed a, what I would call a mutfruit at me as she had a bag of what I’d call Twinkies. Probably Fancy-lads or whatever this worlds equivalent is.

“Ah… so trying to run away…?”

“Bad idea.”

I nod my head as it mulls through my mind.. What a polite way to find out that I’ve been kidnapped. “So, you guys Raiders or Mercs?” I take a bite of the fruit and was met with a mix of sickening sweet and sour. Edible, but only by so much

Ragdoll hopped onto the table next to me, taking out her gun and began polishing it with a rag next to her holster. “Former Raiders, trying to be Mercs, but need the capital to get ammo and better toys. So, somewhere in between, I guess.” She looked up at me, examining me for a few seconds. “Kind of surprised a greenhorn like you knows the difference between the two.”

“Well, where I come from, this kind of… scenario… pops up a lot in stories and video games.”

Ragdoll grinned as she shook her head. “Whatever a Video Game is, sounds like a waste of time if it’s just like this hell hole.”

“When the worst thing you’ve got to worry about is if someone steps in front of you in a store, fantasy does tend to be a bit dark.” I look at the door as Rip and Tear walk in, wearing my coat and shirt. Rip (Blue mane, Gold coat) was covered by my coat as Tear had made a turban from my shirt. I realized that I was half naked and covered my chest with my arms as a stray breeze passed through. “Could I have my shirt back? I sort of need it.”

“If you can take it from them. They tend to be a bit grabby with things they find.” Ragdoll pulled the pistol up, looking down the sights as she aimed it in an unoccupied corner of the room. I slowly got up and made my way over to the twins and got on my knees, getting to eye level. I started hearing snickering from wherever the stallion was at as I looked at Rip and Tear.

“Hey, thanks for bringing in my shir-“Tear jumped onto me before I could finish and started to shove my arms down onto the ground as she looked into my eyes.

“Hat mine.” Her eyes where crimson red, and I could smell blood on her.

Rip walked over and sat near my head. She was looking down with the hood of my coat up, making her look like a grim reaper. “Blood is ours.”

I could hear a blade slowly being pulled from a sheath. I needed to think of something. “Blood yours, but body is Bosses… right?”

The two looked shocked as they started to think that through.

“Yes… Boss wants to see me. You can’t have blood unless you cut Boss’s flesh. Bad, right?”

They started looking at each other with a twinge of fear. “Cut Boss?” Rip almost teared up at the thought.

Tear and Rip looked down at me. I didn’t know if it was disappointment or being apologetic, but Tear slowly got off of me and placed my shirt on my chest, as did Rip. They stepped away from me as I looked them (both my shir/coat and the mares) over. They stood to the side as I put my shirt and coat back on. My undershirt was lost to the trash with blood stains. Rip and Tear looked rather adorable, you know, for psychopaths.

“Thank you. I won’t tell Boss about this if you don’t.” I winked at them, and the two gave me a grin. What the hell is wrong with me? I hope to God I am just in a coma, but after getting shot in the arm, I should know better.

Ragdoll walked over to me, jumped up and smacked me in the arm. “Okay, no! Bad human! “ Apparently, stim-packs also rebuild some nerve damage, because while it wasn’t that much of a smack, it hurt. A lot.

“OW!”

“I was going to say, don’t get to eye level with them. They think that your trying to hurt them, and they don’t like that.”

“Noticed.” I rubbed my arm as I looked down at Ragdoll. “Oh, and forgot to ask about the jack in the ass over there.” I leaned over to whisper. I saw the stallion’s ear twitch as I finished.

“That’s Sunburn. And he is a Jackass. Killed a Super Mutant Minotaur once and he thinks he’s the next in line for being Boss.”

“And I will, too.” His voice had a cocky tinge to it that just shouted either “I’m going to be your worst nightmare.” Or “I’ll turn out to be like Vegeta and be your biggest rival.” Either way, I hope that I don’t have to kick his ass to keep him off mine. Considering that Rip and Tear could easily pin me down, I shudder at what Sunburn could do to me.

“Whatever you say, Sunburn.” Ragdoll’s voice was dripping with sarcasm as she began to push me out of the room and up a flight of stairs. “DAISY! YOU BETTER NOT BE CLOPPING UP THERE! I’M BRINGING YOUR LAST VICTIM UP!”

The stairs where a mish mash of recycled wood and left over metal. For a moment, I thought I was going through a modern art exhibition with all the junk around. I could hear something, like groaning. For a few second, I began to feel a hard blush creeping on me.

“Mind telling me exactly what to expect? I mean, not from Deadshot Daisy. I mean, around the wasteland. What caused everything to go to… well, excuse my French, but turn to shit?”

Ragdoll looked back to me with a somber look to her face. “Not much to say, really. Humans made contact with Equestria about five hundred years ago. Their world was recovering from a self-inflicted nuclear war. A lot of wildlife was spilling out both ways, but the Royal Sisters, Princess Luna and Celestia, managed to steam the tide of a nasty group of invaders, while still letting others come in.” She began to smile warmly as she looked at me. “The Humans that settled here helped to establish a lot of neat bits of technology. Jumpstarted a whole lot of good things. My grandparents had a lot to thank them for.” She suddenly got a lot more solemn as she looked back over at me. ” About two hundred years ago, however, things changed. Other nations wanted the tech, and wanted the humans as well. They found a way to overpower the Sisters, and started hunting for the humans. One reason why there are so rare. If you’re a non-native, like I think… you’re even rarer.”

“Non-native… wow, this is defiantly not Fallout: Equestria.” I thought aloud.

“Mind telling me what fallout has to do with anything?” Ragdoll asked as we reached a door.

“Well, remember those Video Games I was telling you about? Well, Fallout is one of them. Nukes put a world in a wasteland, people survive. Wax on, wax off. We also have a show, not related to the video game, mind you, called My Little Pony. Cute thing for little girls, that got popular with adult males. People decided to mix the two together, and you got a story called Fallout: Equestria. Pretty popular one, too.”

“Why the hell would adult men watch a show for little girls?”

“Hey, it’s funny. Ever seen a pony break the neck of a bear with her own hooves?”

Ragdoll looked up at me like I had just slapped her with a fish. “Yes, and it wasn’t funny.”

“Oh… must be context, then… Sorry, I forgot that I’m in a post-apocalyptic version of a world I know from a show I watched on TV. I don’t, exactly, have extensive knowledge of what is and isn’t common… except for the f-word and bullets.” I sigh as Ragdoll looked back at the door.

“Yeah… I guess you’re going to have to get used to that, aren’t you?”

She opened the door as I saw a figure looking down the scope of a rifle, one hoof on the trigger as the other reached down between her… Oh, my God, she isn’t, is she? I’m so sorry, folks, this isn’t what I want my story to be like…

“God Damn it, Daisy! I said not to do that!”

“Can’t help it. I just loved how he squirmed when his shoulder was hit.” I would explain how she sounded, but I think the general idea of “lewd breathing” would suffice.

“Well, I didn’t like it.” I quipped as I rubbed the still sore shoulder.

Daisy looked back at me as I began to realize that she was a zebra with multi-colored stripes as her body was covered in what I guessed was a poncho. I was reminded of a mascot for a brand of chewing gum and Clint Eastwood. She looked at me with a wide grin and flushed cheeks as she finally removed her hoof. “Maybe later I could rectify that.”

I had no idea how to react to that. Was that a threat, an invitation… maybe a bit of both? I just know that I was going to have trouble sleeping tonight. Still doing my best with the whole “Not Kirk” deal. Would prefer if there were some humanoid females around, that is for sure.

“Oooo… human’s looking a bit red, Raggy… so easy to tease. I’m starting to get in that way again…”

“Get a cold shower, mare. Seriously. Coolers broken, and I don’t think that Sunburn’s got it in him to deal with you, and you know how Dumbass is.”

Daisy giggled as she bit her bottom lip, looking right at me. Oh, crap.

“And I’m a virgin, so I’m pretty much useless in bed.” There! Situation defused- why is she looking at me like she’s a Baptist at an all you can eat buffet?

“Damn it, Jerry…” Ragdoll smacked her forehead as Daisy started to lick her lips.

“Oh, foodoo…”

“YO! WE GOT SOME GOOD CRAP THIS TIME AROUND!” A familiar, annoying voice rang through the air.

“Thank you, Dumbass!” I whispered up myself as I turned around and eased my way to the door. I didn’t go far when I felt a pair of hooves dangleing over my shoulder. I looked at them and realized that she had hands. She was not a little pony… at least not all of her. She gave me a quick hug as I continued to blush. She rubbed her cheek against mine as I froze.

“We’ll finish this later, sweetie…” She walked away from me on two legs, and realized that she, for all things considered, looked far more like a human than a zebra from behind.

Remember when I said not to long ago that having a humanoid would be better for me? I think I’d like to take that back. Things are tough enough to get used to, having to worry about being molested by a zebra woman is NOT HELPING!

Ragdoll walked over to me and stood on her rear legs. I then realized that she came up to my nose. She looked me in the eyes as she put her forehooves on my shoulder. “You done goofed, son.”

“What was your first guess? Me walking up to a bombed out town littered with land mines? Me getting shot in the arm by reacting to weird names? Getting at eye level with two mares who act like a blender at a meat milk shake factory?”

“What about telling a sex crazed half zebra that you’re a virgin when you know she was probably not entirely there?”

I did not think of that. Didn’t make things better, but certainly made me put my train of thought back on the rails, so to speak.

I followed Ragdoll back down the stairs as I saw Sunburn walking up the stairs. Didn’t take a genius to realize that he was taking Daisy’s place, so I decided to simply walk on past. At least, that’s what I would have done if Sunburn didn’t “accidentily” bump into me. I started to loose my balance, and I felt the guard rail start to give.

“Opps…” his voice had a tinge of jack ass on it. Ragdoll quickly made an attempt to grab me with her teeth, but it was too late. I felt myself fall down. My body turned quickly as I saw a mish mash of trash and scrap metal looking right up at me like razor blades. In fact, there might have been razor blades.

Just as I was about to say my last words, I felt a pair of forms dart towards me, and tackled me to the wall. Yeah, it hurt. A lot. I looked down and saw Rip and Tear clamped to my chest. For the next ten seconds, I thought it was one of the cutiest things I’ve ever seen, till I saw a cut on my arm from the tackle.

“My Blood!” Rip managed to say as she began to lap it up.

That was unsettling.

“No, mine!” Tear pushed Rip off of me and went for my wound, eagerly sucking at it.

Oh, God, I’m being drank! I looked around for a while till Ragdoll pushed the two psycopaths off of me, then almost tossed me up onto my feet.

“SUNBEAM, YOU JACKASS!”

“Hey, the twins wanted to play with someone, and I knew they liked Mr. Pinky.” He chuckled a bit. Daisy, who had somehow made it down the stairs faster than me falling, looked in, and then stared daggers at Sunburn. I looked up and saw a twinge of worry on Sunburns face.

Maybe having her like me isn’t a bad thing. Or it could be his own bad mojo… note that under “useful information for future use”.

I managed to shamble back out into the library, and stumbled. I fell onto the floor as I heard a shot ring out.

“SON OF A BITCH!” I heard a feminine voice ring out.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Ragdoll said.

“WHY ME!?” I crawled under a desk as I heard hooves moving towards me.

I waited for a while as I heard Ragdoll talk with someone. I was breathing too hard to actually hear what was said, but after a few seconds, I saw Ragdoll come over to my hiding place. She knelt down, looking at me with both concern and frustration.

“You alright, Big Guy?”

I nodded, lying as I slowly crawled back out. “Not bleeding, so… right now, I’m good.” I stand up, looking around, and I see the Mare from the road, her gun still floating, but turned up. Her eyes where fixated on me, with distrust. I instinctively put my hands up. “Don’t shoot, nice lady.” The mare looked at me, anxious, but as Ragdoll looked at her, she put her gun away.

“What is it?”

“This is Jerry, Sunday. A human. You know what a human is, right?” Ragdolls voice was evidence that she was mocking her.

“Fuck you, Raggity. I know what a human is, I just never knew they could be so fat.”

You can’t see it now, but I had the look of a man who knew that that was going to be said several times in the course of my stay here. I turned to Sunday, forcing a smile on my face as I looked at her. “You’ll be happy to know that I can change the way I look. Especially if I don’t get what I normally eat.”

Sunday smirked at me as she walked towards me. “Let me guess, you eat naughty mares whole?”

Oh, crap… not another one! I blushed as I stepped back from her, feigning ignorance so she doesn’t know I was onto her innuendo. “N-no! Not what I meant. I don’t think I could actually eat a thinking creature like a pony. It would be too akin to cannibalism for my tastes.” Smooth, Jerry. Good save.

Sunday gave a chuckle as she came closer to me. “Look, Jeramy…”

“Jerry…”

“Whatever. Besides you looking like a freak, you don’t got much in the intimidation department.”

“Not the first time I heard that.”

She reared up onto her hind legs and planted a hoof on my chest, quickly pushing me back as she stared daggers into my eyes. “Done being a smartass?”

I nodded.

“Good. The Boss is coming soon. She see’s you, you be good. Don’t talk till she talks to you. Don’t make stupid jokes. And don’t stare. You got that?”

I lifted up a hand and shook it, giving her the “So-so” look of uncertainty.

“What didn’t you understand?”

“What constitutes as a stupid joke?”

“Oh, Celestia, your not going to make it past a week here.” Sunday rolled her eyes as she walked away from me, sighing heavily.

Ragdoll walked back up to me, giving me a comforting smile. “She’s just being a stick in the mud, kiddo… you’ll be alright. Probably last a few months before you get shanked by something.”

I smiled back. I kind of got the feeling that Ragdoll was simply kidding with me about the last part, especially after she nudged me. I took a deep breath as I followed her to where Sunday had went to. On the table where I had sat at was a mound of cans and a large mini-gun. I leaned in closer and came to the conclusion that while I may not know a pistol from a mini-nuke launcher in real life, that this was a piece of machinery that had seen better days.

“That is a Mark 9 mini-gun. Fires well over one hundred rounds a minuet, and can, when fully calibrated, shoot through some of the toughest armor made here and The American Wastelands. In fact, the only other kind of mini-gun that can out shoot it is the laser Gatling guns carried by the Iron Legion and the Brotherhood of Steel, but even then, this baby is far more likely to get the job done.” The almost squeaky, masculine voice could come from one person… pony. Dumbass almost magically appeared at my side as I looked at the gun, smiling like a child who had found a gold brick. I looked at him while keeping my neck straight.

“Uh… wow. How do you know all that about this… uh… gun?”

“Read it in a magazine around here. Found it right before getting back! Fucking awesome, isn’t it?”

I nodded as I craned my head above the weapon. “You wanting to restore it? Make it work better?”

“Huh… never really thought about that… maybe I shou- HOLD ON! YOU’RE A HUMAN!” He turned his attention right to me, looking me over like I was a chimp.

The guy isn’t a “Dumbass” as much as he is… absent minded. Easy to get the two confused, mind you, but he seemed a lot smarter than he looked. “Last time I checked, yeah… Uh, names Jerry…” I held out my hand and Dumbass brought his hoof up and grabbed my hand, shaking it. The guy has a grip for someone… somepony with no fingers.

Dumbass leaned in closer as he gave me a hug with one foreleg. “Jerry… HA! The first human I’ve ever met, and he’s named Jerry! Coolio! You got to tell me! Is it true that human women have huge ti-“

“WHOA! Uh… D.A., do you mind if I call you D.A.? I’m still trying to get myself situated. Let me talk with this Boss of yours before you start asking me about… that kind of stuff, alright?” DA (For the sake of my own concionsce, will be what I call “Dumbass” for now on) actually smiled on, nodding his head as I let go of his hoof.

I began looking at the cans of food and, simply out of habit, began separating them by food, type of damage to can, and so on and so forth. Didn’t take too long to get the food separated from edible to trash. For every three good cans, I found two questionable ones, and one of every ten cans was bloated with obvious botulism colonies. Considering that I had no idea how old these cans are, this was actually pretty good. Ragdoll looked over my shoulder, obviously wondering what I was doing but didn’t say anything.

I decided to turn to her with a smile and explain. “Good news is that ninty percent of the cans are good right off the bat. Bad news is that there still might be a few bad ones in the dented cans…”

“How do you know?” She looked up at me as I held up one of the bloated cans.

“I worked in a grocery store at home. Have to tell the difference between good cans and bad ones. Can’t sell crappy merchandise.” I smiled as I tossed the can out of a nearby window, only to hear a loud pop and splat. “Ooooo… that was a wet one…”

Sunday was not quite as amused as I was. “YOU IDIOT!” She screamed as she pulled her gun out of her holster with her magic. “YOU DON’T WASTE FOO-“

Another sudden thud happened, along with a crash, sending Ragdoll to run to the window to see what happened. Her eyes where wide with disbelief, her jaw slacked open.

Sunday walked to her sister’s side, the gun still on me. She looked out the window, and lowered the weapon.

Assuming it was safe, I decided to walk over to see what was so amazing. I looked out the window and saw, to my surprise, a pony equipped with some of the most advanced armor imaginable, armed to the teeth with laser guns and other energy weapons. His helmet was off, his face covered in a sickly mess of spoiled, rotten beans, and slowly swelling up. I could tell that he was gasping for air, and, most likely, was suffering from, of all things in this world, an Allergic Reaction.

Panic has a way of jumpstarting memories. I remember hearing about a surefire way to open an airway for things like this, and guessed that psycho does a good job at stimulating adrenaline. I reached out, pulled the huge guy through the window, and onto the floor.

“Psycho and a Razor!”

Ragdoll looked at me, confused. “What?”

“Get me a thing of Psycho and something sharp! I’m opening up his airway!”

“Why? He’s a part of the Iron Legion! Lets just take his crap, and bury his body!” Sunday said as Ragdoll went off. I looked up at her, angry and afraid.

“I am not going to kill someone accidentally, got it? If I was to kill someone, it’s going to have a reason to it. And he hasn’t given me reason to!” He was struggleing to get me off of him. I looked into the guys eyes, and could see the panic. “ Don’t worry, man. I’ll make sure you get out of this, okay?”

Ragdoll came over, and had with her the things I asked for, as well as a syringe. “Med-X.” She told me as she handed it to me. I nodded as I injected the needle into the legionair’s throat. I then, unceremoniously, cut into the windpipe to open a hole. I could hear the girgle of air seeping in and out as his nose and mouth swelled. I needed something to keep the hole open. I rummaged through my poket and pulled out an old pen.

“YES!” I bit off the ends of the tube and inserted it into the poor sobs throat hole, and after giving him a quick spritz of Psycho, watched as the guy’s chest rose and fell rhythmically. “I had NEVER done that before! WOOO!” I almost collapsed backwards as I began to laugh at what had happened.

The Stallion on the ground struggled to smile. I guess he felt the air going into his lungs, and that let him calm down. I took a clean-ish piece of cloth and put pressure around the wound to stop the bleeding. I looked up at Ragdoll with a huge smile on my face.

“Congrats, Jerry. You just saved an Iron Legionair. How does it feel?”

“Ever saw a dog set off fireworks?”

She said nothing, but the semi-confused smile I could tell that was a good thing. She looked down at the legionair, now a bit more somber as she obviously had no idea what to do next.

“Alright, big guy. I’m going to ask you a few yes/no questions. One hit on the floor is a yes, two is a no. You got that?” Her voice was stern. A lot more stern than she was with me.

The Stallion hit the floor once.

“Is the rest of your people around here?”

One hit. I was confused, but Sunday and D.A. where not happy.

“Are you looking for tech?”

Two hits. The two looked a lot more at ease, D.A. going back to looking at the Mini-gun as Sunday sat on the ground against the wall, looking at the Legionair.

“Will your team try and kill us if they find you here?”

He hesitated. I didn’t like that. Maybe he was actually thinking about what had happened. Maybe he was trying to lie. But then he hit the floor twice.

“Damn it… would you have killed us if you weren’t in this position?”

A single hit.

“And would you have tried to kill the human who saved your hide?”

Another hit. My blood felt like ice for a moment. I mean, I knew that I was already in bad company. I just got shot not too long ago. But it isn’t like your mind gets used to the idea that someone wants to kill you just from a single gunshot wound.

“Would you kill him now?”

Two hits, and I could see him move his lips, trying to mouth the words “thank him…” well, at least that’s what I thought he tried to say. For all I know, he could have been saying “Spank ham.”

I’ve got to admit something right now. I’m not much for the idea of “luck”. I think things happen for a reason. I’d love to think that God doesn’t just wind up the world and sits back to see what happens, that he uses people and circumstances for his work. The only reason why I knew about the whole hole in throat thing was because I watched a lot of TV, and a show I liked had a part where doctors had to do an emergency trechionomy to save a patient. That, my friends, is the extent of my medical tricks during emergencies. Who knew that being a media sponge would help me save a pony from another universe?

Not me, that’s for sure.

I stood up and began to walk to an unoccupied corner of the Library and sat down. I was already tired. Sunday had decided to walk towards me. She wasn’t looking happy, but I don’t think she was angry.

“Alright… we’re even.”

I blinked in confusion for a few seconds as I looked at the unicorn.

“Don’t look at me like that, Pinky. You still threw away food… bad food, but food none the less. But that Magic Allergic Reaction probably saved us all.”

“Magic Allergic Reaction?”

She was getting impatient with my questions as she looked over her shoulder, back at the Legionnaire. “It’s a bad side effect with certain foods that are kept in magically sealed cans. If somepony is even slightly allergic to the contents, even if it would just give them hives, it gets amped to ten. And when the food spoils… it gets worse. Instead of it being ingested, you’d just look at it funny, and you’d be bloated up like he was.”

“Huh… the more you know…” I said, a bit more than shocked. Thankfully, I wasn’t allergic to anything, I mean besides pain. “So… you think he’s telling the truth?”

Sunday nodded. “He probably realized that after cutting into his throat without killing him, that telling lies wouldn’t be in his best interest.”

I let out a small chuckle as I rested my head against the wall. “Cool.”

I could feel that Sunday wanted to say something else, but before she could, the door to the Library opened. I turned to the door and saw a tall unicorn that I recognized.

“No… bloody…. Way….”

She was tall, easily able to look at me eye to eye without getting onto her back legs. A trefoil , pink cutie mark adorned her flank on her off white (a very, very light pink, I’d guess) coat. Her long, flowing mane was a darker pink with a stripe of white going down. She had a thinner frame, and not from starvation. If anything, she was very healthy.

“Flure de Lis is your Boss?”

Note to readers: For those who do not know of whom I am speaking about, allow me to give a brief summary of who she is. She is a background character that was not given any other defining characteristics aside from the fact that she was the arm candy of a rich guy named Fancy Pants. (God help me, that was the guys name!) But bronies all around the net liked how she looked and decided to give her a personality. From spoiled rich bitch, to bad ass French sorceress ninja with a heart of gold, it was a grab bag of ideas.

And the first thing she did when she looked at me was try and choke me to death.

“Who the Hell are you!?” She roared as I felt energy wrap around my throat and toss me towards her.

My hands tried to grasp the intangible energy to get life giving air back into my lungs. I didn’t find out what happened next, as I suddenly had found myself in the dark.

Didn’t even last a day, I thought to myself as I believed I was leaving the world of the living. Air entered my lungs again, and a pounding headache later, and I woke up in a bed. Well, a matress on the floor. A nice one, though. Only one questionable stain I could see.

And speaking of questionable stains, I almost added my own to the bed when I saw my attacker looking down at me. I realized something that totally flew over my head from before. She had seen better days.

Flur’s left eye was replaced with a cybernetic replacement that glowed green as she looked at me. A long, vertical scar ran up and down her throat. And she was wearing a remarkably functional, but far from fashionable over coat. Despite that, she still looked a lot better than I would have thought she would in this situation. I mean, hundreds of years old, and only lost an eye? Props to her on that.

“I’d apologize for my reaction earlier, but I don’t think it truly calls for one.” She spoke with an oppressive neutrality as she looked down at me. “You were told not to stare, correct?”

I looked up at the ceiling, a bit more than frightened. “Sorry, Madam Flur de Lis…” I regretted using her name once it exited my mouth, but no retribution came.

“Ragdoll told me of the television series. I casted a spell on your voice box. If you lie, your body will have twenty seven thousand volts of electricity travel through your body. So, will you tell me the truth if I ask you questions?”

I let out a nervous chuckle. “No real choice in the matter, Miss Flure de Lis.”

“Call me Flure, or I’ll slap you.”

“Yes ma- “ My body tensed up for a moment as I looked at the mare. “Flure.”

She smiled as she sat at my side. “Good to know that the monkey can learn. First question. How did you get here?”

“Traffic accident.” I stated plainly.

She looked at me, plainly expecting me to be shocked by electricity. “Your serious?”

“Well, I was about to hit a deer, and then things blacked out till I woke up in a ditch without my shoes on.” I continued. “I wasn’t in some sort of lab experiment. I didn’t see any bright, magical lights. No actual near-death experience, since I was barely going twenty miles per hour. Just deer, then blackness. So, unless the radiation made deer here teleporters, I have no idea how I got here.”

Flure leaned in closer to me. I could tell she was examining me with her cybernetic eye. I already had a juiced up car battery/lie detector strapped to my voice box. I don’t know what else she could be looking for. “You’ve never been to this land, or any other Equestria before, have you?”

“Flure, I am still trying to get used to the idea that Equestria is real, so No-“I stopped myself before I continued. “Wait, OTHER Equestria’s?”

She seemed content with my answer as she sat down. “I don’t think I stuttered. You should know already that there are multiple Earths, after what Ragdoll told you, right?”

I recalled the Cliff Note’s version of her story. Earth in Nuclear war, human pilgrimages to this Earth (I swore that they would have called this world Eqqus or something like that… cool, I guess.) And then me coming in from my world. I would have thought that that would be the limit of their experience with it. Not even the tip of the iceberg.

“You heard right. Other Earths, and thus, other Equestrias exist. I think that your… well, I can’t truly call them “your” people, now can I? The Other Humans called it String Theory. A modest name, if I say so, but I digress. Apparently we are simply motes in the daylight air of this state of being.”

Oh, drama queen we have.

“Other ponies and people attempted to make a bridge or gateway to another world, but with little to no success. The natural laws make it difficult to manipulate loopholes for safe travel without side effects.”

I opened my eyes wide. “Side effects? Like what?”

“Species or gender change-“

“Alright… good… didn’t happen…”

“Brain Damage-“

“Always this loopy, so nothing wrong there.”

“And infertility, to name a few.”

I stood up and lifted the blanket up, looking down at my little man. “OH GOD! SAY IT AIN’T SO!”

A heavy sigh later and I was brought back down onto the mattress. “I did a thorough inspection of your body. You did not suffer any ill effects from the trip.”

I let out a large, grateful smile till I realized what she fully said. “Did you fondle my bum?” Color drained from my face as I began to feel rather exposed.

She looked at me with a stare of mild discomfort and getting fed up with my questions. I was not going to say anything further after this, unless needed. “I used magic. There was no bum fondling. I did take samples, however.”

Oh, I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to get her wrath. I shut my trap and looked at her like I was a child being tucked in by a stranger.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. Skin, blood, and mucus samples. Not THOSE kinds of samples. What do you take me for? A Raider?”

I nodded my head, trying to reassure that wasn’t what I was insinuating, only to realize how it would come across, and began to shake my head quickly.

She groaned again as she leaned in closer to me. “You have a week to get acclimated. As far as I know, there is no way for you to get back, and we aren’t in the business to simply keep you fed forever. After that week, you have to make a choice. Stay here with us, or take your chances out there. If you stay here with us, you will be pulling your weight. Getting us caps one way or another, or at the very least, keeping this place from stinking like a Ghoul’s ass. Do you understand?”

I decided to open my mouth for this one. “I understand, but may I say something?”

Flure looked down at me, maybe a full foot away from my face. “Go ahead.”

“Despite your rather harsh greeting, you pretty much acted exactly how I thought you’d be like in this situation. Kind of impressive, Miss… I mean, Flure. I was wondering if… if I could ask about Fancy Pants?” I managed to give a smile. The kind that I usually keep for when I see something or someone I find fascinating. Not quite awe, but it’s close to it.

I think she got the gist. She mimicked me slightly as she looked down at me. “I’ll tell you this much now. You’ll have to earn a lot more trust before I tell you about him. I would, however, say that you giving me information about your world and life would be a very good start.” She sat back up, and she used her hoof to rub the top of my head, like I was a kid before she left me in my bed. “I told the others to let you get sleep. There is a bottle of water next to you. I hope you don’t sleep in, because we only eat twice a day. Miss one meal, and you’ll be hard pressed in the next one.”

“Yes, Flure… Good night.” I called out like a goofball. As she left, the room (I can honestly say that I did not look at her flank) I looked about the now dimly lit room. Dirty, yes, but it wasn’t half as crusty and disgusting as other places in this building. I lay back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling… or what once was the ceiling. The Second floor had, apparently, caved in, allowing me to look at the second floor’s ceiling. I decided to take my captors advice and get some sleep. This is going to be something else, I tell you what.