It's not always easy to hold a smile. Nopony knew this better than Pinkie Pie. When you represent the Element of Laughter, you spend your life making other ponies smile... but what if YOU don't feel like smiling? Who looks after YOUR happiness?
Her usual smile was missing as she sat on the patio of Ponyville's malt shop, taking long but slow sips through her straw, her eyes glazed with tears trying to escape. Hearth's Warming was only a couple weeks away and steam escaped from her nose into the chilly air as she sighed. Few ponies were out and about in such cold weather, let alone at a malt shop, and Pinkie wanted to be alone. Someplace where nopony could see that even the happiest, silliest pony wasn't immune to sadness and despair. She'd bundled up for the cold, of course, wearing a pink sweater, hoof mittens and a pair of fluffy earmuffs.
“It's too bad they don't make fluffy, warm sweaters for the soul,” she muttered to herself as she let her chin rest on the table, “because I could sure use one right about now.”
Pinkie's eyes darted up at the sounds of laughter, but she didn't bother to lift her head. A teenage mare was running from her coltfriend, who scooped up a snowball and tossed it at her. Normally it would have been in Pinkie's nature to hop up to them and ask if she could join in on the fun, but today she just didn't feel up to a snowball fight, especially not with a young couple, not with her current state of mind. She'd been out of high school for several years and still couldn't find a special somepony. The constant reminder that she'd be without one for Hearth's Warming AGAIN was something she could do without.
No sooner had she thought that than Rainbow Dash and Soarin' flew overhead, holding each others' hooves. Pinkie watched as they kissed in midflight and gritted her teeth to suppress the tears.
Even Twilight Sparkle had recently found a date, a fellow bookworm who she'd really hit it off with when he stopped by Golden Oaks library to borrow several books on dragons. He was fascinated by dragons, and she LIVED with a dragon. Everything seemed to have fallen in place.
Why can't that ever happen to me? Pinkie thought. Some ponies have all the luck.
Then, almost as if on cue, Pinkie noticed Applejack taking a stroll in front of the malt shop with none other than Cheese Sandwich by her side, both of them hauling presents on their backs. Cheese was dating Carrot Top just a few weeks ago! Pinkie'd heard that they had a fight, but now Applejack? AJ KNEW Pinkie had a crush on him!
Despite this, Pinkie put on her best smile and approached the duo. “Oh, hi there, Applejack and Cheese Sandwich! Whatcha doin'?”
“Hey, Pinkie!” Cheese exclaimed, his smile bigger than Pinkie had ever seen it. “I've got some superbly-Cheese Sandwichy news!”
Pinkie had a feeling she knew what the news was, but she tilted her head curiously nonetheless. “Oh?”
Cheese wrapped a foreleg around AJ's neck. “Applejack here's my new gal pal! We got the mistletoe ready for our first kiss and everything!”
“Aw, shucks,” Applejack smiled bashfully and blushed as she scraped a hoof into the snow, “ya didn't have ta tell her that.”
“How could I resist? I'm so happy!” He hugged Applejack even tighter.
Now the tears were flowing down Pinkie's face as she dropped to her haunches. Applejack must have noticed, for her smile vanished. She raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. “What's the matter, Pink?” While Pinkie tried to compose herself enough to give a response, Applejack looked over at Cheese, then back to Pinkie. “Oh, for the love of apples, don't tell me yer still on that!”
“Of course I'm still on it!” Pinkie snapped. “Hearth's Warming is only two weeks away and I'll be alone AGAIN!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ya won't be alone, Pinkie. Ya'll have yer friends with ya.”
“But I won't have a special somepony!” Pinkie sobbed and wiped her eyes with her foreleg. “I won't have somepony to hold me and keep me warm or kiss under the mistletoe or tell me I'm the best present they could ask for! Everypony else will!”
“Ah think ya'll will find love when ya stop lookin' for it and when ya least expect it. We've been over this a dozen times. Ah don't know what else to tell ya.”
Applejack started ahead without Cheese, who just gave Pinkie Pie an encouraging look. “Hey, just keep smiling, okay?”
“Sure,” Pinkie mumbled. She was expecting her hair to go flat at any moment.
Once Cheese Sandwich ran after Applejack, Pinkie stood up and made her way to the edge of Ponyville in the lonely, quiet countryside where she knew she'd be alone. She looked around just to be sure nopony had followed her, but she was surrounded by nothing except a snow-covered field. For a few minutes, she let the tears flow. The cold made them prick at her face like icy needles, but she didn't care. The best thing to do was let it all out. Yeah, it was really easy for Applejack to tell her not to worry about love when she had a special somepony!
“You seem to have forgotten this,” a gentle voice from behind her said, one that Pinkie recognized as Princess Luna's.
Pinkie stopped crying, turned around and feigned the best smile she could as she wiped her eyes. It was Princess Luna, carrying Pinkie's malt with her magic.
“Oh that's okay.” Pinkie sniffed. “It's a frozen chocolate malt-sicle by now.”
“Very well.” Luna set the mug on the ground and approached Pinkie. “It is rare to see you in such a state, my friend. May I ask what troubles you?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm as happy as ever.”
Luna gave Pinkie a look that let her know she wasn't buying the act. “I can see your dreams, Pinkie Pie. I know what troubles you. Believe me when I say I know your pain.”
Pinkie looked at Luna in disbelief. Her? Equestria's beautiful and beloved Princess of the Night? “You do? But you're Celestia's sister. You're the second most important-ish pony in Equestria. ”
“I AM the Princess of the Night,” Luna explained, “I live my life in the darkness. I was believed to be some sort of monster and trapped on the moon for a thousand years. It may very well be that nopony knows the pain of loneliness as well as I do.”
Pinkie sniffed again. “Oh. I guess I never thought of that.”
“I understand.” Luna sat on her haunches so she could be at eye level with Pinkie. “You represent the Element of Laughter. You find great joy in bringing smiles and laughter to other ponies. Yet, you don't always have something to smile or laugh about yourself. So who is supposed to make YOU smile?”
“I was just thinking that at the malt shop.”
Luna nodded sagely. “Indeed. Just as it is my duty to enter the dreams of my subjects and help them face their nightmares. But who helps me face MY nightmares?”
“You have nightmares?” Pinkie asked. “What could somepony as powerful as you be scared of?”
“Her.”
“Her?”
“Yes. To this day, she still haunts me.”
“You mean Nightmare Moon?”
“Indeed. Even now, I'm plagued by nightmares of her. The things I did while I was under her control. What would have happened if nopony was able to defeat her. What if she returns? We all face challenges, pain and fear, Pinkie Pie. Even my sister and I. But none of us face them alone. My sister gives me comfort in times of fear and uncertainty. Just as your friends give you joy.”
Pinkie hung her head and scraped her hoof in the snow. “I haven't been feeling much joy lately.”
“That is why you must turn to your friends.”
Pinkie's head snapped up, a look of annoyance on her face.“Why? So I can be reminded that I'm too crazy or loud or weird for a special somepony? Applejack just walked off with a colt I like and told me not to worry about love!” She hung her head again, fighting more tears. “That's like... like a slap in the face, a kick in the shin, a mean-spirited pie right to the face, one that's not meant to be funny!”
“If you convince yourself that there is no help for you, then you'll miss the help when it comes. I know there are stallions who dream about you at night. Many love you for your fun and giving nature. But many of them are also alone, convinced no pony would ever want them.”
“Dream about me?” Pinkie asked. She knew she funny and friendly, but she'd never considered herself fillyfriend material. That honor was reserved for ponies like Rarity and Fleur De Lis.
“The way we see ourselves is the most difficult part of our lives. Others do not see us as we see ourselves. While you feel sad about the holes in your life, others see you as happy and content. They don't understand that you want a special somepony, or they assume you must have one already. Sometimes you must be willing to heal somepony else's pain, in order to heal your own.”
“I'm always healing everypony else's pain,” Pinkie said. “I do my best to make them laugh and smile.”
“Which is why I know you will make a great special somepony for a stallion one day.”
“One day,” Pinkie moaned. “Why can't that day be today? Or yesterday?”
Luna closed her eyes, giving off an air of wisdom. “I know this, as well. I, too, desire a lover in my life. But between my duties and my nocturnal lifestyle, it would be difficult to make a romantic relationship work. I am so busy, defending Equestria from wicked creatures of the night, entering dreams, helping ponies face their nightmares.”
“Naw.” Pinkie waved a hoof to dismiss Luna's idea. “I'll bet if word got out you were looking for a suitor, all the stallions in Equestria would line up outside the palace!”
“Be that as it may, I am simply too busy as a princess to devote the time he would deserve.” Luna gently placed a hoof under Pinkie's chin and lifted her head, forcing Pinkie to look in her beautiful blue eyes. Oh, how Pinkie wished her eyes had those long lashes and alluring almond shape. “We do not need somepony else to complete us, Pinkie Pie. We are complete from the moment we are born. Think of this: many lovers are unfaithful. Many do not last in a relationship, because they realize they are not as fit for each other as they once thought.”
Pinkie looked back towards Ponyville and scowled. “Try telling that to Cheese Sandwich and Applejack.”
“Envy poisons the soul,” Luna continued, “and lust clouds the mind.”
“Clouds the mind?” Pinkie asked.
“Some ponies--younger ones especially--make foolish choices when they believe they are in love, and regret those choices later when they realize they weren't as in love as they thought. Sometimes it is better to wait until you are certain it is genuine affection and lot merely lust.”
As hard as Pinkie squeezed her eyes shut, she couldn't keep the tears from escaping and trailing down her face. “All I want for Hearth's Warming is a special somepony!” She jumped up and wrapped her forelegs around Luna's neck for comfort. She didn't stop sobbing even when she felt Luna's foreleg against her back.
“Be thankful,” Luna answered, “that you do not know the pain of betrayal or heartbreak. You are special, Pinkie Pie. Ponies value your presence. I have seen you light up this whole town with your smile. You helped release me from Nightmare Moon's control. You played a role in defeating Discord, King Sombra and Tirek. If you can do all that, then is there anything you can't do if you put your mind to it?”
Pinkie pulled away from Luna, wiped the tears from her face and smiled genuinely. “I guess that's true.”
“Then keep doing what it is you do best: spreading smiles and cheer. Some stallion will love that about you, and when you find him, it won't be a quick fling, because you want more than that, and you want somepony who desires more than that. When you meet your special somepony, it'll be for life. All of us experience doubts and sadness, even you. We can't help that, it's part of being alive. What we can help is how we deal with it. Would you rather hang your head in despair, convinced that there is no hope for you, or would you rather fight it and not let it stop you being the special pony everypony knows you are?”
Pinkie's smile grew wider, and she hugged Luna tighter. “You're right! You're so totally right! Thanks, Luna! You're so smart!”
Luna smiled and nodded. “It comes with being a thousand years old.” She then looked to the sun and spread her graceful wings. “It is late for me, my friend. I must rest. Remember the conversation we had this day. Farewell!” Wit that, she leaped to the air and beat her pinions, heading for Canterlot.
“Bye, Luna!” Pinkie said, waving after Luna. “See you in my dreams!”
