Operation Oatmeal

by Maverick Huntress

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Random
Length: 1583

War has been declared on Equestria and the Generals of Equestria's branches have three days to prepare. Victory is unlikely given how incompetent they are...

Equestria is going to invaded in three days and its up to the six Generals of Equestria to save the country. They're the best of the best, the elitist of the elite, but all that, to be honest, doesn't mean much as they're pretty much as incompetent as they come.

Inspired by the MLP song "Operation Oatmeal", whose coverart serves as the story's, and the events of "Expiration Date" which is a TF2 SFM. Another note is that this story was purely written for fun and done in my freetime, so there may be a few errors here and there. Nonetheless, critique and feedback are welcomed.

Published 2014-12-13 20:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-13 20:00:02 UTC

Invasion

Two Earth Ponies, Pegasai, and Unicorns talk among themselves, armor clanking about as they shift in their seats. They were the generals of the three main branches of Equestria's military, two for each branch, and had been summoned abruptly to Canterlot for what could only be identified as "Highly Classified Information".

General Iron Hoof, one of the Earth Ponies and co-leader of Equestria's ground forces, snorted at Turbulence, the recently-appointed co-general of Equestria's ariel might, after hearing her comment. "I doubt your best fliers could reach the borders of Minoa before our Recon teams could! Your flies can only go so far before they have to stop and rest while our vehicles can move for days without stopping!"

The white-grey mare snorted in return, the form-fitting and aerodynamic armor she wore not moving in the slightest as her hooves slammed on the table. "But my fliers aren't slowed by trivial things like bogs and forests! Your teams and tanks are useless if they can't even make it to the battle field!"

Destroyer, a ship-gray Earth Pony, merely shook his head, cracking a smile as he watched the two fight. "Why need tanks or fliers when you've got ships capable of leveling a city from the edge of the sea? A single salvo could level the entire battlefield and obliterate any form of resistance in a second."

"If there's not any rocks or mountains in the way!" Retorted Landscape, defending his fellow Ground Force general. "In fact, your ships can't even dock without getting beached if the waters too shallow for your metal sail boats!" The green stallion's armor rattled as he pointed a hoof at Destroyer and Hull.

"Well, at least our forces have a higher chance of actually hitting something! Your tanks, not to mention your troops, seem to miss every shot they fire!"

"Hey, we actually manage to shoot in the first place, unlike your ships which take nearly a decade to load and aim!  I bet by the time you're ready to fire, the target has moved a whole kilometer!"

Hull sneered at the green Earth Pony. "Just wait until we get the turrets automated! By the time your forces arrive, there won't be a battle to fight because we'd have won already!"

"Quiet your bickering, all of you! Our Strafe Runs could level the battlefield and any forces involved, including your precious ships and tanks!" Cyclonus declared cockily, wings flaring our in an aggressive gesture as he dared the others to retaliate.

Before the generals of either of the opposing branches could, the grandly decorated door on the opposite of the room burst open; the sound of the reverberating loudly and causing all bickering to cease as  a white-coated unicorn entered; horn glowing light pink as the stallion levitated a suitcase. He pulled a seat back and laid down, his purple armor and dark-blue armor marking him as none then Captain of the Royal Guard.

"Mare and Gentlecolts, I apologize for distracting you from your duties but Equestria has entered a state of emergency. War has been declared and an invasion will arrive in exactly three days. This briefcase-"

"Dear Celestia," Proclaims Landscape, eyes wide in disbelief. "A briefcase!"

"There's more."

"No!" The green mare stomps her hooves on the table, or would if Iron Hoof hadn't made her lay back down.

"This briefcase contains directions from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna themselves. All six of you shall follow them exactly as written, with no variations whatsoever!"

Cyclonous cocks an eyebrow at the stallion. "What if we don't? What if we believe there's a better course of action?"

"These instructions are the only path to Equestria's survival! If you fail to follow them, then Equestria doesn't have three days to prepare but three days to live. With war so close, we can take no chances!" Its the Captain's turn to slam his hooves on the table, the others shrinking back at the fury in his voice. "Got it?"

The Generals nod meekly, each letting out a breath of relief as the Captain removes his hooves from the table and opens the briefcase. Six stacks of nest papers are levitated out, landing in front of their respective owners. The top folder reads "OPERATION OATMEAL", the rest hidden beneath it and bound together by golden string and the stamp of the Two Sisters.

Hull raises a hoof slowly, his minimalistic and highly decorative armor clanking lightly.

"Yes, General Hull?"

"Do we have to follow all of the instru-"

"Yes." The unicorn hissed, quickly silencing the naval leader. He regained his composure and looked around. "Any more questions? No? Good. You have your orders, so what are you waiting for? Go!"

The mares and stallions scramble to escape the presence of the frightening Captain, Cyclonous and Iron Hoof colliding once before they all squeezed through the only door other that the Captain hadn't entered through; plenty of armor clanking as the ponies fled.

Once they had all left, the unicorn took off his helmet and rubbed his temple. "May Celestia give me the strength to at least tolerate these incompetents..."

58 hours til invasion

"Alright, get those loafs risin' and golden! Once the enemy arrives, we'll need all hooves on the front lines to drive them back! Gotta make use of what little time we have!" Barked Landscape, the countless ponies in front of the mare doing their best to hurry up though the ovens they were stationed at could only cook so fast.

Meanwhile elsewhere...

"Get those shells loaded! If we want to defend off these fools, we're gonna follow Princess Celestia instruct-

"Don't forget Princess Luna!" Shouted a mare from somewhere below the bridge's overhang.

Destroyer sighs before continuing. "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's instructions to the letter even if we have to work nonstop!"

A cry of 'yeah!'s followed the declaration, bringing a smile to the stallion's face.

42 hours til invasion

General Turbulance looked up from the stack of instructions, a look of confusion on her face as she is interrupted from going over them for the twelveth time. She looks at the door and sighs, going over to it and opening the only entrance to her office. "Yes?" She asks, a slight tone of aggitation present.

A young stallion, having just turned old enough to be part of the Air Force, gulps and salutes as he goes rigid. "All preperation are complete, ma'am! Our entire arsenal has been modified to fight off the invaders!"

"Have the suits and bombays been refitted accordingly?"

"Yes, they have, ma'am!"

The mare looks at her desk and the pile of papers on them, shaking her head with a sigh. "Good. Tell everypony they have the rest of the day off and up to twelve am tomorrow morning. I want them well-rest for the battle we'll be fighting in less then two days!"

2 hours til invasion

"She gave them the day off!? How stupid is that mare!?And the other two branches are no better, doing nothing but mess around with breas of all things!" The Captain of the Royal Guard ranted to nopony in particular, pacing back and forth in his quarters. He took off his armor, something he had never done while on duty, and laid on his bed; hooves once again massaging his temples as he closed his eyes in agitation. "That it. We're doomed."

40 minutes til invasion

"I know this is a rhetorical question at this point but..." The Captain groans, muzzle hitting the table with a thump, "have any of you actually followed the instructions given?"

For the second time in roughly seventy hours, the six Generals and Captain had gathered in the same room.

General Landscape waved a hoof in the air, a massive grin on her face. "I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days!"

The white unicorn falls on his flanks as his expression goes from neutral to flat-out depressed; ears folding against his head and frowning as he opened up a secret compartment in his armor and pulled out a salt lick. "Yep, we're doomed." He says before taking a strong lick.

Invasion time

"Deploy the bread-bombers!" Shouts the Generals of Equestria's Air Force.

"Fire the yeast shells!" Demands General Hull and Destroyer, their respective ships shifting sideways from the turrents firing in their given order.

General Landscape and Iron Hoof lead the charge sith their troops, each one outfitted with various kinds of yeast and bread. "Unlease the bread-tanks and infantry!"

Though the invasion had just begun, it was already over within minutes.

1 hour post-invasion

The Captain of the Royal Guard was licking his worries away in his room, confident that resistance was futile as the incompetent Generals of Equestria led those under their command to failure and the country to its deathbed. Discarding his third box of salt licks, the unicorn looked lazily at the door as he heard somepony, or more likely, the invaders, knock.

"Come riiii -hic- rite iiin." The unicorn drunkenky slurred, absently opening the door. Despite having licked enough salt to satisfy a whole bar, his mind was still functional enough to recognize six (regrettingly) familar faces. "H-how'd, how did you guuuys surv-"

"The invaders were algeric to bread!!" Chirps Landscape, beaming happily as she looked at the medals now adorning her armor. "Oh, and yeast too!"

The Captain of the Royal Guard groans loudly before levitating his forth box of salt licks close to him. "I dun get paid 'nuff for dis..."