The Worst Pony Fic In Existence

by Beerdogtehkuro

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Random, Comedy
Length: 745

What the hell was Beerdog thinking

Fan Fics. They are the pinnacle of all popular (and not so popular) fandoms. They usually range from romance to just plain weird.

But then you have THOSE fics.

The fics that are so bad, that you want to gorge your eyes out and immediately realize your mistake of ever clicking the story, and those fics make you re-evaluate your life.

….Okay, so maybe that was exaggerated, but it is true, fics like that exist. Ever heard of My Immortal? Oh yeah, they exist sometimes even in that format

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-14 01:24:34 UTC

Book Horse vs Appul Horse

It was a glorious day in Poneh-Ville. All these little colorful, fourlegged talking fuckers were busy as usual, doing.....whatever they did. Twilight Buttsparkle was on a super secret mission from Princess Celestia to scope out the town for A HYPER REALISTICK FUGITIVE!!1!! Anywai, Spike The Dragoon was too busy to listen to purple horse as he was humping at her back. ''Spiek, we gotta find dis pony for Celestiyuh, she sed that if we did we wold get a reward.''Buttsparkle said, her eyes suddenly just going crossed because that's what happened to colorful horses anyway. ''TWIRIGHTTTTTT!!!'' a voice yelled, and both Spike and Twilight looked up. It was none other than Pinkie Pie, looking crazed as she held a chainsaw, not to mention that her mane wasn't very fluffy on this fine, surely not fucktarded day. ''Wat up pinkie you shit'' Twilight asked her, watching the pink mare jump up and down while holding a running chainsaw in her hooves. ''I came 2 tell yew that I'm gunna murdur you!!!'' the other replied, insane laughing following her statement. Spike screeched like a girl and fell over dead and Twilight was all like ''oooooo nooooo spiek y u do dis'' or some shit. Before Twilight could cry anymoar, Pinkie jump-kicked book hors in the face, and rubbed frosting all over her for som reason. Buttspakle fainted, and the world became like black and white crsyons or somethin.

When Twilight woke up, she was in Sweet Apple Acres. spiek Was hanging from one of the trees by his foot, blud rushing to his head and his eyes popping out of ther sockets. Sweet mother of Celoostia, what teh fuck just happen??? Book horse shook her head, and slowly got on all fours. She looked at her flank, and realized that somepony had scrapped off her cuteimark, and pink, slowly rotting flesh remained. Sparklebutt only shrugged and started to make her way out of the appul tre maze, only to get lost ovr 9000 tiems. ''fuhck i cant get out why the fuck does appuljak have such a giant orchord'' Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs, shaking her hoof in da air liek a madman. Suddenly, appulhors appears, and slam dunks purple horse in the face with a book. ''why you a yellin' in mah orcherd u comdompstar'' she said with her southern voice, before kicking bootysparkl in the hed, giving her pernament braindamage. ''oooo noooo fuk u appuljakkkk'' she scream as she turned into melted purple goo.

and that's the story of how my life got turned upside down.

Prolouge

Beerdog sat at her computer. Her hoof on her chin, thinking about the horror that she witnessed earlier. Bad stories, really bad stories. She nearly drowned herself in the toilet till Vodkat saw what she was attempting, and the Russian pony had saved her from certain death. Now she was sitting here, those awful fics running rancid through her mind like a horde of bulls. After a few minutes, she screamed 'AH-HA!', scaring Vodkat and made him drop his mug of high quality, imported vodka onto the floor. ''Damn it, Beermutt! Why do you scream so loud?!'' he shouted with his broken English at the tan pony, who had quite a devious smile on her face.

''I'm gonna write a really bad fic!'' she exclaimed.

''A what...?'' Vodkat was confused. What the fuck was a 'fic'?

''A bad story, idiot. One with grammar errors so bad, some ponies will cry themselves to sleep. One that will make ponies regret using the internet!''

''Why would Beermutt want to do that? It sound stupid to Vodkat.'' the Russian pony replied, grabbing the broom so he could sweep up the broken glass on the floor. Beerdog rolled her eyes, and faced the screen again. She was on this fiction story site made by ponies for ponies (one that you're totally not viewing this story on, no way). The page was blank, suggesting that she hadn't even typed a single word. Wait, how the fuck do ponies even type? Sadly, logic is not really present here, and the author already knows of the bullshit she's going to pull. Anywho, Beerdog started to tap away on the keyboard, somewhat of an idea forming already in her mind slowly. Meanwhile, Vodkat was just grumbling to himself, probably because of the lack of customers in the bar today and that another mug got broken. Hooray.