Chapters Chapter 2
The Royal Treatment
Was it only a week ago? Gods it seems so much longer. Of course it really IS longer inside the dome, but after awhile nopony notices. I was sitting behind my desk working. At Monday nine in the firstnight, that meant eating a muffin and drinking coffee. I’m a bit tight with my bits, I’ll admit it, but not when it comes to food. My coffee was real Jamarecan Blue Mountain coffee, and my muffin was a Derpy’s Big Blueberry, imported all the way from Ponyville. By the Gods that mare can bake! I fully intend track her down, woo her, and marry her, as soon as my age catches up with hers.(Seven more years, just seven more years).
The name on my office door reads ‘Johnny One Note- Private Investigations’. That is not my name. Never has been. The name that I used to get into this city was Johnny Appleseed, which caused one of the humans at the immigration desk no end of amusement for some reason. I used to play piano at a local nightclub (in this city, they are ALL nightclubs), before I managed to get my P.I. license approved for Luna’s city. The ‘One Note’ got added after a particularly bad bar fight in which both my fore hooves were broken, and one of my forelegs. There wasn’t much of Luna’s peace and unity that night, especially for the minotaur that did it, heh, not after I got done kicking him in the coconuts until he could hit that one really high note.
My secretary Ori came into my office. She was looking pensive, not a look I was used to seeing. Before I had a chance to inquire, she spoke up.
“You have a visitor, in the waiting area. She says she wants to hire you.” Ori said, in a nervous tone.
Ori had settled in well as my assistant. She was good at her job, and more importantly, she was sharp. Given a year or so and she’d be capable of running the place without me, and that included the legwork (there’s a pun there, but I can’t touch it without runes flaring menacing on my foreleg). So when she comes into my office looking unsettled, it’s enough for me to pay attention.
“What’s got you spooked Ori?” I asked. “Is she giving off a bad vibe. We’re flush at the moment, so if you don’t like the look of her, just send her packing.
“No can do boss.” She replied, her manner becoming brittle, “One does not send the ruler of the city ‘packing’… it’s bad for business.” She adds in gallows humor.
Ruler of the city? HERE? Luna, Princess of the Night, ruler of the Dark City of Whinnyappleous, and one of the most feared and respected beings on Equestria, was here…in my ramshackle office… wanting to hire me… oh this was bad… really, really, bad.
I took my feet of the desk, and wasted a few moments trying in vain to make both myself and my office presentable. Although I knew it was a waste of effort, my body went through the motions anyway, as my mind ran a mile a minute trying to figure out why, out of all the ponies in the city that Princess Luna had come to me. There were at least half a dozen PI’s with longer runs, and better reps, than myself. And nicer offices too, I reflected, looking around at the thrift shop furniture that I had been so proud of acquiring only months before.
"Well, there’s no help for it Ori. Please send the Princess in.” I said with a reluctant sigh, as I settled back into my chair, facing the door. I waited, my nerves on edge, as Ori made her way back into our tiny lobby. I had an idea why she had singled me out, but I hoped I was wrong. I couldn’t afford a conflict of interest between her and my ‘boss’. Such a thing could end up with me very, very dead. I had no other choice but to sit there and just hope for the best. Moments later there she was. Princess Luna herself, in all her glory.
Ponies always make a habit of underestimating her. She’s younger and smaller that her sister Celestia, and, let’s face it, cuter. But what they all fail to realize, is that she is still thousands of years old. And has spent those thousands of years immersed in the politics of royalty. She plays the game on a level that meant that a raised eyebrow could cost some pony their head in the old days. She’s so sharp that you could cut yourself on her gaze if it turned on you the wrong way.
She settled into the chair opposite me without waiting to be asked. A breach of etiquette, a bad sign. Then she smiled at me, and every alarm bell in my head went off all at once. It took all my pose not to visibly wince at her. This was the smile of a hunting cat that had cornered a small mouse which had just somehow inexplicably found itself covered in tuna flavored catnip. I fought a sudden urge to squeak…
“Johnny One Note, what a charming name. Or is it Appleseed,” she adds nonchalantly, “or perhaps…” she begins, as she slides over a folded slip of paper.
Without preamble, I unfold it and glance at what is written on it. Three simple words. My real name. A total of four living beings including myself, know this piece of information. Well, make that five now. I carefully fold the paper again, then eat it. Cinnamon flavored... classy.
“Ori, I want you to take the rest of the day off… with pay,” I say. This is a bit of code between us, if I hadn’t added the ‘with pay’ part, she would have left and come back with all the muscle and/or police she could rapidly lay hoof on. Adding the ‘with pay’ meant that everything was cool, but I needed some serious privacy. She has gotten to know me well enough to know that I keep certain parts of my life to myself, but that’s all she knows about it. Which is good, cause I really like Ori. It would suck to have to kill her. Also, she makes really, good coffee.
She gives me the nod, and I wait until I hear the lobby door click and lock behind her, then I face my guest once more.
“All right your highness,” I say, dropping all pretense. “You’ve proven beyond all doubt that yours, are in fact, the biggest. I choose not to ask how you found out that name, but I would like to inquire how many others know of it, just for my own piece of mind.”
“No need to concern yourself on that regard Mr. Appleseed. May I call you Johnny?” she asks, I nod acceptance. “You won’t need to go on any killing spree’s, I got my information on you directly from my sister herself. We may have a mutual problem in the works, and after consulting her, she sent me to find you. She asked me to pass along the following message. She says as she passes over a much larger sheet of paper, also folded, sealed in wax with her sister’s royal seal.
I broke the seal, and as I did so, I noticed a familiar, personal enchantment, which caused the runes on my foreleg to glow briefly. Well, if nothing else, I knew that the letter I held wasn’t a forgery, only Celestia herself could do that. I began to read…
Dear favorite minion (at the moment),
If you’d bother to light your candle before bed, even briefly, I COULD have given you a heads up on my sister’s upcoming visit. You’re habit of only calling me when things have gotten completely out of hand is not only annoying, but also hurts my feelings. Don’t you miss me? You’d BETTER miss me...
Anyway, Lulu came to me about a problem she has, that is remarkably similar to one of your most recent disasters. It seems one of AppleJack’s relatives Babs Seed, has gone missing from the city. Sound familiar? Well, Applejack went straight to my sister, and she had her entire policing force, as well as the city’s top PI’s go over Whinnyappleous with a fine tooth comb, and none of them turned up anything. What’s interesting is that even with hairs from Babs to use in location spells, there is still no evidence of her anywhere, and before you ask, that includes inside the food. Now perhaps it’s only a coincidence that close relatives of two of the six heroes have gone missing in Luna’s city, but if not, we could be looking at a situation. Consider this a chance for you to make up for Cocoa. I want you to help out my sister in every way possible until this situation is resolved.
Hugs, and kisses,
The Best Princess… Celestia
P.S. Hey, just for clops and giggles, ask sis if she still wets the bed… Go on, I diamond dog DARE you….
C.
My face goes beet red at the last, as I quickly fold the note.
“What?” Luna says, quick on the uptake. “What did she say? Did she say something personal again?” Wordlessly, I slide back the paper. I watch her eyes until she gets to the very bottom. I’ve never actually seen a princess go apoplectic before. It’s a sight I won’t soon forget. I also never saw a note incinerated with black fire before either. This I will ALSO not forget...
“THOU SHALT FORGET THY EVER READ THAT ADDENUM!” Luna says using the Royal Canterlot Voice.
I rub my ears uselessly attempting to stop the ringing. “Of course, your highness.” I say, trying to sound professional.
“And in the outside chance you had wondered,” she says, her voice returning to normal, “I have not now, nor have I ever wet the bed, that was always Celestia trying to put the blame on me. She’d switch mattresses with me with her magic, and then put on that baby kitten face, and mom just ate it up with a spoon. She’s totally getting a mane full of fleas for her next birthday. But I digress…
In any event, my sister has told me about the tragic events that occurred with your secretary recently. And she assures me that if any pony can locate the missing Babs, that it would be you."
She passes me a slim manila envelope. “This contains all the information we have been able to gather concerning Babs, since her arrival in the city a year ago. There’s not much to go on I’m afraid. I can only hope that you are able to find something that the others have missed. I am aware of the fact that you are… one of ‘those’ ponies,” she says hesitantly. “I have no problem with you operating in my city. I have never had anything to hide from my sister. Feel free to go wherever the investigation leads you. Aside from information on Babs, you will also find inside that envelope a writ stating that you are working directly for me, and to allow you access to anything you need in my name. Consider it to basically be a key to my city. Turn over as many rocks as you need to bring Babs home safely,” she says, steel in her voice.
I regard the envelope in my hand gravely. I spend a few moments considering my response. With her of all ponies, anything I say at this point will bind me, so I chose my next words carefully.
“Your highness,” I say in measured tones. “I will of course do everything in my power to locate Babs. I’m sure by now that you’ve been advised on the fact that in most cases, when a pony goes missing in your city the body is made... unrecoverable.” I hesitate over the last word. One doesn’t simply tell their ruler that most of her missing subjects are turned into food for the carnivorous citizens that she is trying to integrate into her utopian society.
Luna looks at me sharply. “I am quite aware that my city has recently developed a ‘rat’ problem. Rest assured that extraordinary efforts are being made to quietly root out and remove ALL of these vermin from my city. I knew before ever inviting the carnivorous races to join my utopia, that they would continue to have the need for meat, but that meat need never have been that of a sentient race, of ANY kind.” She says, her voice rising with anger.
Even without my special gift, I could tell that she was serious. I would really hate to be the ‘Butcher’ in the near future. “Your highness, I would consider it a great personal favor if, when you find that rats nest, you might offer me the chance in helping you with your... extermination efforts.” Her eyes met mine. Looking into her sister’s eyes was like staring into the sun itself. Celestia’s radiance was blinding. But looking into Luna’s eyes... It was like looking into infinity. There was a dark beauty there, a grace, and a strength that could be frightening. Oh crap... I was getting horny. What? I can’t help it, I’m attracted to strong mares. Fuggeddaboutit...
“Done,” she says with a satisfied smile. Apparently whatever she saw in my eyes met with her approval. “So how do you plan-” she began to say but my head jerked back in alarm.
No, this wasn’t an expression. My office is shielded with alarm spells, set to trigger depending on certain situations. The ringing in my head told me instantly that hostile magic was being used against me. No time to think. “Princess, we’re under attack!” I yell throwing myself into her and trying to teleport to the other side of town.
Now teleportation magic is something of my specialty, well that and destruction magic, levitation magic, tracking ma- look, lets just say I’m good at magic. Well, trying to teleport the princess was like trying to teleport Naga Parbat... Aww c’mon, you know... famous mountain in the Camelayas? Sheesh, what are they teaching in schools nowadays. Point is, she wouldn’t budge, and by extension neither could I. I stood there, by her side as a ring of explosive devices suddenly appeared out of the air encircling the inside of my tiny office.
Buck me. I’m going to die. I closed my eyes, and waited for the end. I had enough time to think. “This is it. I’m REALLY going to die. But... I don’t WANT to die. There are still things I never got a chance to do. See the world, write the great Equestrian novel, Triplets, I never got to bang triplets, oh buck me! Now I’ll never get to marry Derpy, all those wonderful muffins... gone.” I interrupted my own mental diatribe. “Why am I not dead? Shouldn’t I be dead? Maybe I should open my eyes... But then the bombs will see me and go off.” “Shut up you bucking moron, and stop panicking...” the more rational part of my mind insisted, “‘then the bombs will see me’, by the gods, you can be so stupid sometimes, open your eyes, you bucking idiot!”
I cautiously opened my eyes. I was still standing next to Luna, the ring of bombs still surrounded me in mid air. I un-cringed and looked around me in awe. The were moving, slowing dropping from the air, but incredibly slowly. Luna’s doing, has to be. WOW!
“Sorry to interrupt your teleportation spell. But I thought we could gather more information, by examining the threat, rather than it’s effects. This isn’t the first assassination attempt made on me since my arrival.” She says, as she walks closer to the nearest explosives. “Crude looking,” she says. “I think this was more of a warning than anything. There isn’t enough explosives here to ruffle my mane, let alone kill me.” I look around at the ring of ten explosive packages, each with enough power to level half this building. I try to come up with something clever to cover the fan pony awe I feel at this moment for the princess standing by my side.
“Well, I really appreciate you not letting them destroy my office. Insurance is high enough as it is in this neighborhood.” I say, as I move a hoof toward one of the devices. I noticed the crude mechanical timer on it’s side as it strains to click over to the next second.
“I wouldn’t breach the field if I were you,” she says, staying my arm. “If you do, the spell breaks, and time resumes it’s normal flow. I’m afraid you will have to gather what information you can from here.” she says casually, as if she didn’t just save my life... again.
I put behind me another burst of panic at having nearly died again, as my training kicks in. She was right, these things were crude. The timer’s were purely mechanical, and the explosives were the type used in excavation. There was no way these were smuggled inside the city, Luna’s border’s were extraordinarily tight. And there was only one place inside the city they could have originated from.
“Undertown.” I say in conclusion. “These were taken from the mines below ‘The Shaft’.” I say looking back toward the princess. She was standing stock still. Frozen in shock. “What is it?” I say, becoming alarmed. “What’s wrong?”
At my words, she comes back to herself. “I was studying the magic they used to send these here,” she says. “I noticed something was odd about it. It is clearly a very crude version of a unicorn teleportation spell, but... but it wasn’t cast by a unicorn. Or, if so, a unicorn unlike any that has ever existed. No, the... thing that cast this spell is an abomination, it shouldn’t even exist.” She shudders to herself and falls back into her seat.
What the bucking hells? Unicorn spells only work with the magic of a unicorn’s horn. That horn acts like the ponaudio tower that sits on top of Luna’s castle. It focuses magic from deep inside a unicorn’s body. No other creature can use unicorn spells, it just isn’t possible. I glance around me as a flicker of light catches my eyes. All the explosive devices begin to go off at the same time. I watch in morbid curiosity as they explode in slow motion. Like flowers made of fire, their blossoms open and begin to expand outward. Luna rises once more, and with a wave of her hoof they all vanish.
Curiosity got the better of me. “Where did you send them,” I ask.
Luna gives me a very evil grin. “Let’s just say, that it will no longer be necessary for me to gather fleas for my sister’s next birthday.”
Oh... Buck... Me... “I suppose I am going to receive a letter in the near future.” I say falling into my chair, rubbing my temples.
“I would expect so,” the princess says, her smile turning impish. “Oh, and when you do, please ask Sunny how that new diet is going... you know, since her secret cake room has just undergone radical renovations.”
My jaw falls open. “No... you didn’t... no, NO WAY... Not the CAKE room! It’ll be war! She’ll muster the legions! Fire will rain down from the skies! This place will be a flat plane of rubble strewn with salt! She’ll-”
“Just have Discord fix it.” Luna says, interrupting my panic. That’s three panic attacks in one day. This princess seems hells bent on trying to give me a heart attack. Freow! And all this time I always figured it was the OTHER one that was going to be the death of me.
“Please keep me informed on the progress of your investigations,” she says calmly, as she removes several candles from her clutch, and passes them to me. I hold one up. Midnight black, with tiny silver stars. Well, no way I’ll mix these up with Celestia’s.
“Of course,” I say, regaining my composure, as I escort her to the door.
She turns to me before she leaves, “oh and be sure to put out all these candles you’ll be using before you go to bed Johnny, playing with fire can be very dangerous.”
The thought skitters across my heart for the barest of instants that the princess of the night may have just flirted with me.
“You do know how to properly extinguish a candle don’t you Johnny?” She says, with that tiger’s smile again on her face, “you just purse your lips together, and blow... on... the... wick.” And with that the door closes, and I’m left with my own thoughts.
Chapter 3
When You Go Looking for Trouble...
I waited the space of three heartbeats before I made my way back to my desk, and fell back into my chair. I’ll say this much for the princess, she knew how to make a lasting impression. I took a sip of my coffee, now cold. I didn’t care, even cold it’s still the best coffee in the world, and I could feel it’s caffeinated goodness cutting through the ebony fog left by my guests final words.
I regarded the slim envelope before me, but before I opened it, I took out a notepad and replayed the princesses visit from start to finish in my head. One of the things you have to learn as a detective/spy is to be able to spot what ISN’T there. The first thing I noticed was that the princess had traveled here alone. None of the Night Watch was with her. The Night Watch were originally her royal guard, but when she moved to the city and took over, she expanded them into her policing force as well. There was an academy adjacent to the royal palace. The best of the best were assigned to her personally, the rest were assigned area’s of the city to patrol, they worked out of stations that were set up throughout the city. I have to give her credit, it was a good set up. The law abiding citizens felt safe seeing them on patrol, and the less than honest ones were at least somewhat deterred from plying their trade openly.
But none of the Night Watch were with her. That meant that this little endeavor was off the books. Which tells me that Luna was having trust issues with somepony. A fact worth remembering. Another little piece of evidence that supported this was that although she said she wanted to ‘hire’ me, no mention of payment was made. The moment she slid me the note from Celestia, I knew this was going to be on her tab and not Luna’s, but it also lent credence that Luna wanted no record of our little visit to be on any of her books.
Next came the explosives that were used. Even if I didn’t have a photographic memory spell sealed to my foreleg (among others), a pony just doesn’t forget what death looks like when it’s hoovering before his eyes. The bombs were crude, my earlier assessment was spot on, they were excavation explosives used in the mines. But I had noticed something else. There were scratch marks all around the timers and casings. Something with claws, who was unfamiliar with using those timers had been the one to set them. Which oddly enough ruled out my first choice of suspects, diamond dogs.
Diamond dogs, like earth ponies, made up one of the majority of species that immigrated to Luna’s city. Luna’s idea of treating every species as an equal had greatly appealed to them, and many others who had been treated, shall we say, LESS than well in the past. Whole packs had been hired at fair wages to different jobs throughout the city, but the majority signed up for what they did best. Digging. Luna had chosen her city well. Miles deep beneath it there were large deposits of copper and tin, as well as gemstones, and other metals. But copper and tin were what she wanted, so that she had a steady supply of bronze with which most of her steam powered technology was based. Iron and other metals corroded under constant exposure to steam, and silver and base copper were too soft. But the alloy bronze was perfect, not only was it cheap and plentiful, thanks to the mines, but when shined, it was quite beautiful as well. Before long, the elegance of bronze accents had begun to show up throughout the city, wherever it could replace other metals. Some ponies inside the city were already calling it the city of bronze, instead of the city of night.
So when the diamond dogs found out there was a need for miners, and that they would get paid with a generous portion of the gems they unearthed, the packs signed up in droves. Before long they had excavated their own living spaces underground, which they were allowed to use rent free. Not long after, this network of caverns became known as Undercity. Luna was quick to make it known however, that Undercity was still a part of her kingdom. And that all of her rules and guidelines would still be enforced. Some of the toughest and most experienced members of the Night Watch patrolled Undercity, but surprisingly it had one of the lowest crime rates in all of Luna’s domain. Gradually ponies came to understand that most diamond dogs just wanted to be treated with the respect shown to every other sentient species. There were some bad eggs of course. But that could be said of any race, especially ponies. Still, old prejudices took time to shake, and my first instinct when I saw those explosives was to think ‘diamond dog’. But say what you will, they knew there business. And none of them are clumsy when it comes to explosives, that’s a fast track to retirement... permanent retirement. So I was pretty sure our would be assassin wasn’t a member of their race. That left what? Eight or nine others that I could think of off the top of my head. Not really narrowing the field much.
Feeling like I had exhausted that line of thought, I finally opened the envelope Luna had given me.
The first thing I extracted was the writ she spoke of. True enough, it gave me clearance to go wherever I wanted, and even to confiscate whatever I deemed as ‘evidence’ in regards to my investigation. All nice and legal, with her royal seal. Oh, yes, there was temptation here. For a moment I felt like Trottum with the ‘One Ring’. “Ah, my precious,” I said, stroking the gold filigree of the paper for a moment, before removing the rest of the contents. There wasn’t much here. A bio and a picture of Babs, some photos of her apartment with notes attached. A list of relatives, coworkers, and friends. A name on the list caught my attention. Someone I knew by reputation. I’d have to pay her a visit later.
I took out the picture of Babs and studied it. Nice looking earth pony. About late twenties in suntime years. Something about the eyes, she’d seen some things. Tough, smart, could take care of herself. At least that was what my gut told me. I looked though the bio. Lived alone, moved here from Manehatten three years ago suntime. Worked as a waitress at an upscale place called 'La Carrousel'. Gah, I hate Prance style cuisine. Clean record, never got into trouble. But something didn’t fit. I was having the whole ‘why was she here’ vibe. There was something I didn’t know. And I wasn’t going to find out what it was from here. Time to hit the streets. Oops, almost forgot...
The last thing I did before leaving my office was to reluctantly check my messages from the boss. I always hated doing this when I haven’t for a few weeks. All it takes is for me to accidentally miss just one of her messages, for her to start bombarding me nonstop with missives. Which, considering the fact that these candles were supposed to be for emergency correspondence only, seemed to me to be the height of hubris.
But, after all, she WAS the boss, and also I couldn’t help but feel at the same time, that she must be lonely. Add to that the recent destruction of her cake room, and I couldn’t help but feel obliged to make a call to her as soon as I could, which meant now. I proceeded to open each of the drawers in my desk in a certain order. After I closed all but the last one I heard a familiar click as one of the secret compartments of my desk slid open. This particular one contained a supply of Celestia’s special white candles. I removed one, as well as a white gold candle holder from the drawer.
Normally what I was about to do, I usually did from the comfort and security of my apartment. But I had the feeling that home would be a long time coming today. I placed the candle in it’s holder, and lit the wick. It was only a matter of seconds before the first missive arrived, followed a moment later by a second. I decided to wait until the flow of messages stopped before I began reading. I was pretty sure that most of them said about the same thing, except of course the most recent. I wasn’t looking forward to THAT one.
Then suddenly, after the fourth message arrived, a huge gout of flame erupted from the candle and an expensive looking office chair appeared out of thin air and rolled across the floor on it’s tiny wheels, finally coming to a stop on the other side of the room.
“What the hells?” I found myself saying aloud, as I stared wide eyed at the now unmoving piece of furniture.
I got up and made my way toward the chair, as more messages continued to arrive by candle flame. I had to admit... this was one gorgeous chair. Genuine manticore leather with deep cushions, and an assortment of levers designed to make it adjust to almost any position. It was quite possibly the most beautiful piece of furniture I had ever laid eyes on.
Was it a gift? Did Celestia send me a token of appreciation for all of my tireless efforts, and long years of devoted service? I was just reaching out a hoof to stroke the backrest when the smell hit.
“BLEEECH!” Oh by Celestia’s Bountiful Breastplate that was just... straight... nasty... Gahh, it was like a civet cat was doing the ‘bump n yowl’ with a skunk on a pile of rotten garbage. What the hells kind of present was this?
I went back to my desk. The messages had stopped appearing. Starting with the first one I began to skim the contents. As I thought, most of them were just fluff, with a few useful bits of intel sprinkled in. Then I got to the fifth one.
Dear Mr. Too Busy To Write Me Back,
Don’t know when you’ll get this, but sorry about the chair.
I accidentally ‘butt messaged’ you by mistake.
You see, one of my guards, Root Beer Float had recently showed me this trick where you can light your f-”
I slammed down the letter onto the table... REALLY?!? I forced myself to count to ten. Then I flipped the paper over to the blank side, and began writing.
Dear Smellestia,
You mean to tell me that out of all of your agents, and all of your students, you just happened to ‘randomly’ pick MY candle to use for your backfire experiments?!? REALLY?!?
Well, just so you know, I am totally keeping the chair. Expect a fumigation bill for reimbursement in the near future.
P.S. And you wonder why I don’t check my candle more often? Who wants to take the chance of being randomly assaulted with smelly office furniture.
P.P.S. Btw, what the HECK have you been eating? Cabbage stew with a side of onions and garlic? DANNNG!
P.P.P.S. Aww, you know I don’t mean it. That IS a pretty cool trick. (Still keeping the chair though).
Sincerely,
Tegens Meum Capistrum
I lit the letter and sent it off, and jotted down a note for Ori for tomorrow. ‘New chair in my office, DON”T throw it out, just pay someone to have it cleaned. J.A.’
Then I quickly went through the rest of Celestia’s correspondence. The next to the last letter was her warning that her sister was coming, and why. And the most recent was the one I had been dreading.
Dear Soon to be Dead Underling,
If you can spare a moment from your busy schedule, I would be very curious to know just why exactly, ten explosive devices were teleported into my refrigerated private cake room... DIRECTLY FROM YOUR MOTHERBUCKING OFFICE!
Thanks to you I now owe Discord a favor. Do you have ANY idea what THAT means?
You have exactly ten minutes to give me the best damn explanation of your life before I activate your death runes. HAVE A NICE BUCKING DAY!
Sincerely,
Nine minutes and counting...
I checked the time stamp on her message and looked frantically at the wall clock, then added the time difference for inside the city and I still had... FORTY-THREE BUCKING SECONDS?!? AHHH! I quickly turned the page over and wrote as fast as I could,
Dear Sweetest, and Most Beautiful of All the Alicorns,
It wasn’t me! Luna did it! I swear!
Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a motherbucking cupcake in my eye!
Really, really, don’t want to die atm, still working on your case.
Please have Pinkie Pie make you an MMMM on me,
Sincerely...
hoping you can read this really fast.
I fired off the message as fast as I could, and tensely waited, looking at the clock.
As the final seconds ticked away and I found myself NOT enduring a horrible lingering death, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Moments later one final message appeared.
Dear Loyal Subject,
The lesson we have learned today, is that one should always make a little time to talk with those we love and cherish. Because one can never be sure how many opportunities we may have left to do so.
After all, no pony lives forever, especially those that make a habit of PISSING OFF THE BOSS!
Sincerely...
Looking forward to that MMMM.
P.S. And it was extra spicy Appleloosan chili, if you really must know.
I slowly began rubbing my temples with my hooves. This was the life I led. If the bad guys aren’t trying to kill me, my boss is trying to kill me. Gods, Twilight didn’t know how lucky she had it. I was sorely tempted to reach in the OTHER drawer of my desk. The one containing a fifth of very hard cider, which usually came into play after reading letters from the boss. But I was on a case, and the legwork wasn’t doing itself.
I spent a few minutes destroying the messages, and putting everything up, before I donned my dark gray trench coat and fedora and hit the streets. By the time I got outside a light rain had begun to fall. Unlike in the outside world, there weren’t a lot of pegasi that chose to make their home here, so short of a major storm, Luna just let the weather take care of itself. I made it in time to catch the local steam bus. I settled into a warm, cozy seat in the rear, and let the ‘chug, chug’ of the steam driven pistons lull me into a state of relaxation. I looked out the window and by the light of the passing street lamps, I watched as ponies, and other beings went about their nightly routine.
This was something I could spend hours doing, just watching. (Gods, not like that you pervs.) It gave me hope for the future when diamond dogs and changelings walked down the street past ponies and zebras, and none of them even noticed each other. People, were just people here, no matter what their species. I couldn’t help but think that Luna was on to something with this whole set up.
Before long the steam bus arrived at the corner of the block that Babs had her apartment on. I went to the front desk, and told the manager I needed the key to her place. In a glance I knew his type. Sour and self important. This was HIS building, and he was the ‘man in charge’. After the morning I had, I didn’t feel like playing the ‘mine is bigger than yours’ game, so I just flashed him the writ from princess Luna. Heh, that did it. Suddenly he’s all smiles and apologies, and ‘is there anything else I can do to be of assistance?’ I was so very tempted to ask him to hop on one foot and sing the anthem of the Crystal Empire... you know, just to see if he’d do it. I mean he DID ask... but I had a lot of stops to make, and despite the joy it would give me, I just didn’t want to waste anymore time. I let the frog hop back on his lily pad, and made my way upstairs to Babs’s apartment.
I carefully removed the black tape with yellow stripes from the door, unlocked it, and let myself in, turning on the lights as I did so. The place looked the same as in the pics, everything all neat and tidy. Babs had even made the bed before whatever happened to her. I didn’t waste time going through the same motions as the Watch. Luna was taking this seriously, so I was sure their wouldn’t be any slip ups. Instead I came at it from the angle of ‘what if this were MY place’. Devious bastard that I was, let’s say I had something to hide. Where would I put it. Hmm... The three places all people think of are ‘in’, ‘under’, or ‘behind’. Which is why I didn’t look under the furniture, behind the pictures, or in the toilet, mattresses, or seat cushions. The Watch would’ve already done that. Let’s see now, Babs was an earth pony, so no teleporting something inside the walls, or flying up to the ceiling fixtures. If she did hide something, it would be somewhere she could get to quickly if she had to, but somewhere the Watch wouldn’t have thought to look.
Then it hit me. Babs was from Manehatten. I went to her bedroom closet, sure enough, several sets of fancy looking shoes and boots were in the bottom. I picked the set that looked like it had the most use, turned them over and checked the heels. I was expecting one, but two of the heels were false. One had a key to a safe deposit box, and the other some spending money. No pony that has lived for long in Manehatten carries their bits around in plain sight. No, what you do is put a few in a cheap coin purse, so that you’ll have something to give the nice mugger when you are invariably stuck up. If you don’t have anything for the nice mugger, then ‘bad things’ will happen to you. Best to just pay a small ‘mugging tax’, and let the matter drop. If you have to carry money in Manehatten, you do what this street smart young pony did. My opinion of her went up a notch, as I added the key to my key ring.
I spent another hour casing the place in case Babs left any other surprises, but came up bust. I put things back the way they were and left, replacing the tape across the door. My plan was to let Ori dig around tomorrow to find out which bank that safe deposit box key fit. My next stop tonight, would be where Babs used to work. I returned the door key to the manager, who was still at his post. While I did, I got directions to 'La Carrousel'. Turns out it was only four blocks away. I exited the building and pulled up the collar of my coat, and decided to just walk there. I had only gone two blocks before I picked up a tail. No, I said ‘a’ tail, not a ‘piece of’. I meant that I was being followed. And badly. Some pony was about twenty paces behind me, and every time I stopped so did he. And when I made an excuse to turn around, he was pretending to read a newspaper. Honest to Celestia he really was. Gods... The next side alley I came to I casually went into, then as soon as I was out of sight, I quietly teleported five paces behind him. He was a pale coated earth pony, with a black stringy mane. His cutie mark was hard to make out at this angle, but seemed to be a book of some kind.
As soon as he went into the alley, I tapped him on the shoulder with the barrel of my M.I.S.P.P.L. “Looking for someone pal?” I asked, leveling the gun at his face.
My would be stalker whirled around in surprise. He saw my gun and backed up against the wall next to him.
“W-what... um, n-no, I was just going for a walk.” he said
“Riiiight.” Sweet Luna, I was not in the mood for this. “Okay, just to save us some time, let’s get the obvious out of the way. You were following me, and you suck at it. You were walking while trying to read a newspaper. Who does that?”
“Perhaps I like to read on my way home.” The pony answered defensively.
“You were trying to read a newspaper, while walking down the streets of Whinnyappleous... IT’S BUCKING NIGHT!... IT’S ALWAYS BUCKING NIGHT!” I yell, stating the very obvious.
“Well, I just hold it there until I pass under a street light.” he says unconvincingly.
“You’re wearing sunglasses.” I say.
‘Well, my eyes are really sensi-” he begins.
“IT’S... BUCKING... NIGHT!” I yell again. “Oh screw this!” I say in exasperation, as I press the trigger on my M.I.S.P.P.L. three times. Three quiet chuffs of steam erupt from the muzzle, and a hole appears in the wall behind him on either side of his head and one between his legs.
This finally has the desired effect.
“Okay! Okay! Yes, I was following you. I admit it! Now please put the hole making thing away, I can’t help but feel that it enjoys it’s job far too much.” The pony says with a shudder.
“Oh, you have NO idea.” I reply, a feral grin spreading across my muzzle. “So let’s just cut to the chase shall we? Who in Equestria are you, and, on a more personal note, how can you possibly be so completely inept at following people?”
“Ah, well you see, um, both questions actually have the same answer,” he said, his muzzle breaking into a shifty grin. “You see... I’m the distraction.”
I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and then I was falling, as the night went out...
Chapter 4
The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of…
I leapt from one rooftop to the other. The city sprawled out below me, streetlights glittering like glowing diamonds in the mist covered streets. The night air was cool, but I couldn’t feel it. My entire body was covered in a living ebony carapace. Nannysprite technology they called it. Millions of tiny nanosprites, all linked together, all telepathically controlled by the large one on my back, it’s needle like fangs piercing my spine, linking my thoughts and nervous system with its own. I scanned the rooftops thought my sprite eyed black helmet, looking for heat signatures I could never detect on my own. I continued my search, effortlessly jumping from one rooftop to the next with my strength enhanced armor. There, two buildings away, nearly a dozen or so heat signatures. Six ponies, two diamond dogs, a minotaur, and two something else. Not sure what, but they were huge, and radiating heat like a furnace. With a grunt of effort, I activated my suit’s chameleon mode, and shimmered into invisibility before silently teleporting downwind of the gathered beings.
I boosted my hearing slightly. Yeah, there he was, Axle Grease. Most notorious gang lord in all of New Buck city. He was standing slightly in front of the other five ponies, facing the minotaur who was flanked by the two diamond dogs, further behind the trio were the hulking forms of the two other heat signatures, hidden by the shadow of a neighboring skyscraper. The minotaur was passing Axle Grease a large briefcase, while Axle Grease was passing a smaller case back in return. If my intel was correct, there was no way Axle Grease could be allowed to leave this rooftop with that case.
I mentally ran through my options. I could try for a snatch and grab. Run in stealthed, grab the case and teleport to safety. But that meant leaving both parties alive, just to do this all over at a later date, when I might not be able to find them. I could take out the leaders with a couple well placed shots from here. But that would risk the case hitting the ground, and the chance that the contents would spill contaminating the whole area. I didn’t have a big enough bomb to take out everyone, well not and be sure all the contents of the case were atomized. Ah, who am I kidding, I knew how I was going to handle this the moment I landed on the roof. I teleported behind the shadow of the stairwell that led to the lower floors. Quickly I told my suit to cease it’s chameleon mode that made me invisible, and then activated the secondary which allowed me to disguise myself as any of my preset aliases. For all intents and purposes, I looked like a naked earth pony, albeit, in my opinion, a very handsome one. Pulling one of my many false ID’s from a rear pocket of my suit, I held it before me as I boldly stepped out of the shadows.
“Everybody freeze! I said, as I walked into view. “Equestrian Special Service. You are all under arrest!” This met with the expected results.
After a moment of stunned incredulity, both Axle Grease, and his minotaur counterpart gestured toward their respective groups, and I now had over half a dozen crossbows, and dart guns leveled at my body. Two unicorns in the rear of Axle’s group were using their magic to maintain a shield around the whole roof top.
“No worries boss,” the taller of the two said. “Ain’t nothing getting in or out of here. The roof is secure.”
Axle Grease set down the case, and slowly approached me, looking me over as he did so. Perfect.
“I have no idea what you thought was going to happen,” he says sneering at me with disdain. “But you are obviously very new at this. Now drop any weapons you got hidden on you, and get down on your knees. Me and my associates have a few questions we’d like to ask you, and we’d BETTER like the answers.”
“Well, it’s pretty plain to see that I’m unarmed,” I say, making a show of turning around in place, “and it so happens that I also have a few ques-“
“ARE YOU DEAF?!? I SAID get DOWN on your KNEES!” Axle roars, losing his temper.
“Okay, in the first place, there’s no need to shout. I’m standing right here. And in the second place… I’m not you’re momma last night!” I shout back before vanishing from sight.
“Where’d he go? Did he teleport?” one of the goons says.
“No way,” the tall unicorn replies, “This place is sealed tight, and he’s an earth pony. He must be invisible somehow, maybe a preset spell he triggered.”
“I’m on it!” The other unicorn says, bathing the area with the light of his horn.
I smile to myself as the light passes harmlessly across my armor. He’s using a magic nullification spell. Too bad my suit is organic, and isn’t using magic of any kind. Not like I knew more than a few basic spells anyway. A deficit I hoped to remedy in the future.
A warning sounded in my mind from the controlling sprite on my back. I didn’t have much energy left in the suit, I’d better make this quick. Nannysprite tech is a wonderful thing, but it’s powered by my body. The little sprites eat all the sweat and dead skin, etc. from my body and use it for fuel. When there isn’t enough to go on, they can, in times of dire need, draw sustenance from the control sprite on my back, which in turn feeds directly from my body though those two needle like fangs sticking into my spine. This is a last ditch option however, because it will rapidly deplete the users energy reserves, and in extreme cases can be fatal. Personally I avoid the ‘life tap’ at all costs. It scares the hay out of me having a giant bug eating me from the inside out, brr. No, best to just finish this quickly.
I dance about invisibly between ponies and dogs with practiced ease, tapping them in passing with my claws, each of which contains a powerful poison. Nothing fatal, but strong enough to put an Ursa Minor down in agony if I needed to. Before long however my poison reserves had been depleted, and I still had the two unicorns, and Axle Grease to go, as well as the two huge beings that still haven’t moved from the shadows. What the buck was that all about? They didn’t even flinch when I put their boss minotaur on the ground screaming in pain. They just stood there.
I got another warning from the bug on my back, only thirty more seconds of stealth before it would have to life tap me. I quickly made my way to the two unicorns, and used the last dregs of poison in my claws to put them down. It was a gamble taking them out first, but Axle Grease was an earth pony, and as long as I was between him and the stairwell, he had no way out.
With both unicorns down, I used my magic to teleport the case that I had been keeping my eyes on throughout the entire fight over to a nearby roof top. With ten seconds to go, I dropped my cloak. I was standing in front of the stairwell, the light of the full moon bathing me in all it’s radiant glory. Axle Grease stared at me in wide eyed terror.
I knew what he was seeing. A shiny black carapace in the shape of a pony. Two oversized luminescent eyes staring eerily toward him. These were the eyes of my control bug, which made up part of my living helmet. It was so disturbing watching them move from my back up over my head, each time I put this suit on.
I spoke, and when I did, mandibles on either side of my muzzle moved in response.
“Axle Grease…” I said in dark chilling tones.
“Uhhh,” the terrified earth pony said, as I slowly made my way toward him.
“You lost.” I said, stating the very, very, obvious.
“Uhhh,” he said once again. By now I was close enough to see him trembling. Trembling so hard he could barely stand. By the Gods, I was eating this up.
“And now, I am going to wring ever last secret from your mind…” I say, grabbing him, and pulling his face inches away from my chitin encased muzzle.
“Ahhhh…” he says weakly, unable to even scream.
“By... eating… your… BRAIN!” I intone, in a voice straight from the depths of Tartaros, all the while clacking my mandibles menacingly.
I watch as Axle’s eyes roll into the back of his head, as he falls to the roof top, unconscious. I have only a moment to grin to myself before something smashes into the side of my head, knocking me halfway across the roof.
“UNACCEPTABLE!” a voice bellows at me, as one of the two figures advances toward where I have landed. The other one scoops up the unconscious form of Axle Grease like he was a baby colt and with a mighty leap sails off into the night.
I shake my head to try to get it to stop spinning, as I feel the vibrations beneath me. A steady thooom, thooom, thooom, as the other creature makes it’s way toward me. Now freed from the shadows, I can make out the creature clearly. It was gaunt to the point of emaciation, its desiccated skin pulled tautly over its bones. With its bones pushing out against its skin, its complexion the ash gray of death, and its eyes pushed back deep into their sockets, it looked like a gaunt skeleton recently disinterred from the grave. What lips it had were tattered and bloody. Unclean and suffering from suppurations of the flesh, it gave off a strange and eerie odor of decay and decomposition, of death and corruption.
I read about one of these in a training manual… What was it? Big Hoof, Sasquach, Yeti, no that wasn’t it… I barely dodge in time as a massive fist impacts the space where most of my body occupied a moment before, I manage to focus enough to teleport to the other side of the roof, but the effort causes a spike of fiery pain to lance through my head. Crap, concussion. Can’t risk using magic again, without the risk of permanent brain damage. As the creature turns and sees where I have gone, the memory in my brain finally sparks. By the beauteous black buttocks of the night goddess!!!
WENDIGO! Oh, I am SO bucked!
Wendigo. Cursed cannibal creature of the north. Strong as a Yeti, bloodthirsty, vicious, and able to track it’s prey almost anywhere. I try desperately to focus enough to teleport, but the pain causes my vision to become spotty. It was between me and the stairwell, so that was out. Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, I was going to have to FIGHT it. I nearly lost control of my bowls at the thought. Then realizing what I was wearing, I did so anyway. A second later a voice in my head told me that power levels were now at thirty nine percent. I made a mental note that if by some miracle I survived the next ten minutes, that how I recharged my armor at this point was NEVER going to go into my report.
Although all this happened in a matter of seconds, the wendigo was almost on top of me again as I used my augmented muscles to leap high in the air, executing a perfect double flip which would land me behind the beast where I planned to buck the legs out from under him. (That’s buck like an apple tree, not… never mind). Unfortunately what actually happened, was that the wendigo jumped into the air, caught me by my rear leg, and proceeded to smash me repeatedly into the roof like a toddler with his first Wonderbolts doll. My armor did an excellent job of keeping me from going splat, but the concussive force was scrambling my brain like an egg.
Just as I was resigning myself to a rather inglorious death, the roof below us gave way, dumping us down into the apartment below. As fate would have it there was a wall partition between where myself and my dance partner landed. I ended up belly flopped into a large porcelain bathtub, and the wendigo was in the room adjacent roaring in pain for some reason. As I tried to rise to my hooves, a familiar voice spoke to me in my head.
“Got an idea boss.” The command sprite said into my mind. “Wendigo’s track by scent.”
“Yeah, so?” I sent back.
“Wendigo doesn’t have YOUR scent. Only mine.” He sent back.
This was true, the nannysprite suit was completely self contained.
“Get out of me boss, and turn on the water, and go hide in the back room. I’ll take care of the rest.” The command bug said confidently.
I instantly knew what he was planning. I hated it. I told him so emphatically.
“C’mon boss, there’s no other way, and no time to argue… haul hooves!” The bug insisted.
He was right, I could hear the wendigo in the next room, finally rising to it’s feet. I only had seconds.
“I-I’m sorry,” I say through the link, then I quickly shed my armor.
It rests limply in the tub for a moment, then it fills itself out into the shape it would be had I still been wearing it. I turn on both water taps, and plugging up the sink, I turn it on as well. As I turn to leave one of the arms raise from the suit. I clasp it in farewell. As it lets me go I find a small parasprite in my hand. Far too large to be a nanosprite, I realize in a moment what it is. An infant command bug. A child of the one from my back. Fighting back tears I make my way into the back bedroom from the door opposite the one the wendigo has begun to tear off its hinges. I hear a roar of rage, as it steps into the room. Then through the cracks in the door I see a flash of blue, and smell the scent of ozone. Then the floor shakes as the body of the wendigo crashes down upon it.
I slowly open the door. On the floor of the bathroom in an ever increasing pool of water is the still form of the wendigo. In the tub is the charred remains of my nannysprite suit. It fed on as much water as it could, then released all of it’s energy in the form of a massive electrical discharge, killing them both. Numbly I made my way out of the bathroom, down the hall, and through the living room. In the kitchen I found what I was looking for, a bottle of very hard cider. I never had been much for drink, but I needed one now. I sat the little sprite on the counter, and poured myself a tall glass.
“I’ll take one of those,” a voice as soft as midnight silk said over my shoulder.
I turned around, and there before me was Luna, princess of the night.
“W-what are you doing here?” I asked, my mind numb in shock. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She wasn’t here bef- wait… “This is… a dream?” I asked, as things began to fall into place.
“Yes Johnny. A particularly vivid dream, I might add.” She says as she pours herself a generous glass, and begins to sip.
I look about the room, perfect in every detail. As swiftly as the thought forms in my mind, Luna speaks.
“This is more than a nightmare isn’t it Johnny? It’s a memory.” Luna says, not as a question, but as a statement of fact.
“Yeah,” I respond gulping cider, “a memory from one of my earliest days as an agent.”
“So,” she says, as if she had all the time in the world, and no other ponies dreams to visit. “Nannysprite technology. Want to tell me about it?” she asks casually.
“Ah, that would be after you went on your... um, extended vacation.” I say somewhat uncomfortably. “Celestia threw herself into all sorts of projects after you were gone. Between Discord, you, and other threats to the kingdom, she was frantic to explore as many options as possible to help keep her people safe.”
“Ponies safe,” Luna amended. “People implies OTHER sentient races.” she said sternly.
“Ah, yes, well then, um, ponies safe.” I say, trying not to offend her. “In any event, one of the discoveries that one of her biologists made, quite by accident, was during his research into ways to control parasprites. He found that parasprites communicated telepathically with one another, and swarms of them shared a kind of ‘hive mind’. Also that their size was largely determined by their environment. She had set up a farm governed by some of her most empathic earth ponies who began specialized breeding programs with parasprites. My former suit was one of the results. It’s parent had been cross bred with certain other species to breed in the desired traits. The large bug on the back was the ‘Nanny’ so to speak, and telepathically directed all the millions of tiny ‘nano’ sprite drones, that linked together to make up the suit. I called him ‘Bob’, he was my partner... he was my friend. My only friend...” I say sadly, taking another gulp of cider. Suddenly an odd thought weasels it’s way into my fore brain. “Luna, why exactly am I suddenly telling you classified Canterlot information?”
“My, my, you caught onto that. I’m very impressed. Simply put, you are in a dream, and in the world of dreams, I make the rules. Up until your assignment, I never looked closely at your thoughts, well, no more so than any other pony in my city, but since you are, in essence, working for me at the moment, I took it upon myself to keep an eye on you when you fall asleep. It seems I was justified in doing so.” She says, not at all appearing to be upset. In fact, she seems rather pleased with me for some reason.
“Well, since I seem to be forced to be so forthcoming, I should probably tell you two other things.” I say, pouring myself another cider, and fighting hard to sound casual. By my teacher’s turgid tushy, the last thing I need is Luna wondering what ELSE I may know.
“And what might those be,” she asks in return, sounding equally as casual.
“Well, in the first place, Celestia abandoned all sprite research after a visit to Ponyville some years back. It seems a certain Pink Party pony accidentally pointed out a huge glaring vulnerability in her tech, in the fact that parasprites lost control of themselves when subjected to varied sonic oscillations.”
“Beg pardon?” She says, raising one elegant eyebrow.
“Music.” I simplified. “Parasprites becomes slaves to music. Celestia was quite surprised to see the basis of her latest battle armor being led out of town by a prancing Pinkie Pie proudly playing a parasprite polka.”
“Would you care to repeat that three times very fast?” She asks, a twinkle of merriment in her eyes.
“Not especially, no.” I reply. “In any event, although the Princess covered it well, secretly she was quiet upset, and made up an excuse to cut her visit short. After she left she quickly paying a visit to the head pony of her parasprite R & D department. Then after saying... um... ‘not nice things...’ she told him to scrap the project entirely. Then she reportedly spent the rest of the afternoon in her cake room... in consultation with captain carrot cake and the marzipan militia. By all accounts, she then lost the battle with will power, but won the war against baked goods.”
Luna smiles at me, a crescent of amusement. “I see now why my sister shows you so much favor, you’re verbosity is a breath of fresh air. Hmm, but what of the second thing you wished to say?” she asks, as she raises her glass to her lips.
“Ah, as to that... Well you do realize that when I wake up, I will have to report to your sister any and all information that you have taken from my mind.” I state matter-of-factually. "Threaten me you may, but this is part of my job, and I have no leeway. I'll have to tell her."
“No, actually you wont.” She says sipping her cider daintily. “When you wake up, you will forget this entire conversation ever happened... Just like the last time.” she adds impishly.
“Last time?!?” I say in alarm my head jerking upright, my ears erect.
“Kidding, kidding. I’m only kidding. This is the first time we have talked like this.” she says, throwing up her hooves in mock surrender. “Although, I must admit, you do have some interesting thoughts rattling around in here.” she says with a feral grin.
Thinking of that, my most recent memory returns to me.
“Wait a second. Before I fell asleep... I was tailing a pony. Or rather he was tailing me. I lured him into an alley, and started to question him, then I felt a pain in the back of my head, and everything went dark. I was suckered.” I forced myself to say. No sense denying the truth.
“Perhaps,” Luna says calmly. “But for you to be here means you are still alive. Whoever did this wants you alive for some reason. Have you learned anything new since last we spoke?”
I quickly fill her in on where I had been, and a description of the pony I was following. I tell her my conclusions about the explosives, and was just about to mention the name I recognized on the list when everything started to fade away.
“Looks like you are waking up Johnny. I wish I could do more for you. But if I don’t hear from you in the next twenty four hours, I’ll start a pony hunt for you, and fill in my sister. Good luck Johnny! Oh, and since you won’t remember any of this, I must admit to finding you to be a VERY fascinating pony.” She says, that feral grin returning. Those are the last words I hear from the princess, as I struggle back into the world of consciousness.
Chapter 6
Me and My Shadow
I was in the office early the next first night. I’d like to say it was because I’d went to bed early and gotten plenty of sleep. But opposite day still wasn’t a legal holiday, so I couldn’t. I sat at my desk, Luna’s letter open before me, as I waited for Ori to arrive. She always showed up a half hour before I usually did. She’d come in, put the coffee on, scan the papers for any items of interest, and set up my schedule, such as it was, for the day. She should be in any minute. To pass the time I read Luna’s letter one more time, any hope that the words had changed somehow were quickly dashed.
Dear Johnny,
I am both shocked and overjoyed to receive your missive. It’s obvious that all of the faith my sister had placed in you was justified. In only one days time in your hunt for our missing pony, you managed to find a lead on a case that has been cold for over a thousand years. I’m sure by now you have received some correspondence from my sister to verify that yes, the Maretese Phoenix does indeed exist. Judging from the fact that she has so far failed to contact me, I can only conclude that she doesn’t wish to raise my hopes against dear Phil’s recovery. I would imagine she has instructed you to do the same.
That being said, I cannot tell you how happy I am that you have chosen to make me aware of the situation. Rest assured I will not mention this fact to my sister, nor will you be put into a position where you will be forced to chose what information goes where.
This is because I have decided that, due to the increasing importance of our objectives, you shall no longer bear the sole responsibility of completing your assigned task. I am assigning you a partner.
Now I know you may harbor some misgivings over this, but let me assure you that the pony I have in mind will in no way hinder your efforts. She is, in many ways, just like you. Consider her to be my version of one of my sister’s operatives. I will let her debrief you tomorrow. Expect her in your office at the start of your day.
Also, to be clear, although you will be her superior in this operation, she will report directly to me. From this point forward, anything you have to say to me, you can say to her. She has already been briefed about her status, and has been ordered to follow your lead in all things, unless directly ordered otherwise by myself. I expect you two will get along just swimmingly.
Sincerely,
Luna
I put down the missive as I hear the outer door open. Noticing the lights are on, Ori makes her way into my office.
“My, somepony’s here early.” She says with a smile. “Have a busy day yesterday entertaining the royalty?”
“Ori, you don’t know the half of it. Pull up a chair, but not the fancy on over there, and I’ll fill you in.”
Ori casts a curious glance at the chair in question, as I quickly bring her up to speed on the events of the last twenty-four hours.
She whistle’s appreciatively. “You sure pack your day full of minutes boss. So I’m guessing you wanted to tell me a few things before we lose our... privacy?” She asks, glancing at the clock on the wall.
Our ‘guest’ should be arriving shortly. And Ori was right, there were several things I needed to talk to her about before Luna’s spy... I mean, my new partner, arrived.
I dug out the key I found from Bab’s apartment, and gave it to Ori, and told her what I wanted done. Then I told her the name of the pony that I recognized from Bab’s list of associates and friends, and had her begin a search for her current whereabouts. The last thing I told her about was the chair. Yes, I’m keeping it, and yes I wanted it cleaned, preferably today.
I had just settled into my first cup of coffee, and had begun examining the first night paper that Ori had brought in with her, when I heard the door to the outer office open once again. I glanced up at the clock. Nine on the dot. A moment later Ori walked into my office.
“Johnny, I believe the pony you were expecting has arrived.” She said, an odd look on her face.
“Send her in Ori, we might as well get this over with.” I say in return, placing my paper aside.
No sooner had Ori cleared the door, than the pony in question walked in. Surprisingly, it was a she. She was tall for a mare, almost my own height. A unicorn, like myself. Her coat was a dark storm cloud gray, and her mane was black as midnight. She wore a stylish black dress with petticoats of the type that was currently the rage in Whinnyappleous. She was lithe, and walked with confidence. She worked out, you could tell by the way she moved. And then there were her eyes. There was unshakable confidence there. An almost mocking pride. She was arrogant. Hmm, Luna said she was one of her agents, obviously not a desk clerk this one. Certainly not hard on the eyes.
She sat down without waiting to be asked. No manners on this one either. They must take lessons from their boss.
“Mr. Appleseed.” She says, extending a hoof in greeting. “I was sent her to assist you by direct order of Princess Luna. I assume you were expecting me?”
For a brief moment I considered kissing the extended hoof, but I somehow doubted that old fashioned chivalry would go over well with this one. Instead I settled on a brief hoofshake.
“Indeed,” I say in reply. Luna did inform me to expect your arrival this morning Mrs...”
“Moonlight Shadow.” She says.
“Charmed. And please, just call me Johnny.”
“Very well, in that case you may call me just Shadow.”
“How apropos.” I say in return, “since you will be my shadow for the upcoming endeavor.”
The faintest of smiles quickly flits across her muzzle.
“Mrs. Shadow, may I be completely honest?”
“I would hope for nothing less,” she says leaning forward attentively.
“Mrs. Shadow. According to this,” I gesture briefly at the missive from Princess Luna, “you were sent here to be my partner for the duration of this case. To be frank, I neither want, nor need a partner. And even if that wasn’t the case, I cannot, despite whatever level of competency you posses, consider you one.” I hold up a hoof to forestall any protest. “Allow me to finish please. A partner in my profession is a being you trust implicitly. Someone whom you are willing to place your life into their hooves without a moments hesitation. That level of trust has to be earned over along period of time, and no decree, from no matter how high a source, can alter that fact.
I acknowledge the fact that we both have to work together on this case. And I will share whatever information we uncover equally between us. That being said I have neither the time, nor the inclination to school you in my methods, or shepherd you out of harms way. I will assume that as my counterpart, you already understand the dangers of this city, and I expect you will be able to take care of yourself if a situation arises. I also expect you to follow the letter of Luna’s request in that you don’t go off on your own, and that you will follow my lead, and not step out of line. This is my investigation, and I fully expect you to handle things MY way. Do we have an understanding Mrs. Shadow?”
I look her directly in the eyes during my diatribe. Her expressions tightens, as I continue. By the time I am finished I can tell it is taking much of her self control to maintain her decorum.
“It’s Miss.” She says.
“Beg pardon?” I say momentarily caught off guard.
“It’s Miss.” She repeats. “Miss Shadow. I detest the word Mrs.. It makes you sound like you have a muzzle full of bees.” She says before smiling mischievously.
Well I’ll be a son of a mule. SHE was studying ME the whole time. By the goddess, I think she’ll do.
I smile back in return. “Of course Miss Shadow, I shan’t make the mistake of misjudging you in the future.”
“Oh I rather doubt that.” She says in reply, in a voice that makes my heart jump just a little. “So, shall we go over what you already have? I have the report Luna gave me, but I’d like to hear whatever insights you may have, as well as what you think our next move should be.”
I spend the next few hours going over almost everything with her. I say almost, because I have a hunch about something, and I’m not about to trust somepony I just met, especially not another spy. She listens attentively, asking all the right questions. She’s done this before. Well, at least Luna didn’t stick me with a rookie. I look at the clock and see it’s almost what outsiders would consider ‘noon’.
“Care to grab a bite?” I ask.
“I could eat. What did you have in mind?” She says in return.
“La Carrousel.” I say, grabbing my coat.
“Ugh, I hate Prance cuisine. Could I twist your leg and talk you into a hayburger?” she asks back.
My opinion of her goes up a notch. “Not this time I’m afraid. La Carrousel is the place our missing pony was working at up until her disappearance. I think we should drop in.” I note a brief look of disgust on her face. “Fine, There’s a ‘Five Ponies’ on the way, best hay burgers and fries in town.” I say holding open the door.
I stop at Ori’s desk on the way out. She hasn’t got back from the errand I sent her on. I leave a note on the desk explaining where I was going, and then Shadow and I hit the streets. ‘Five Ponies’ is only two blocks away, so we just walk there. We take our orders out to the steam bus stop and make small talk while we nosh. By the time the bus shows up, we’ve finished our meal. The bus is packed this time of day and the only two seats available are separated by two rows and on the opposite sides of the isle. I let Shadow take the front seat, as I setting in the back next to a zebra couple holding a small colt. He sits on his mother’s lap fast asleep as she gently rocks him in her hooves. The father has his head in a book. Something about genetics on the cover. Looks thick and dry. Give me a sci-fi or fantasy any night.
I take a few moments to discreetly observe Shadow. Despite her designer dress, she looks perfectly at home on a crowded bus filled with the rank and file. I can’t help but feel that she’d look that way no matter where we were. Part of an agent’s training was to do just that, look like you belonged. I try to imagine what sort of training she’s had. Couldn’t be like what I went through, she still looks sane.
My thoughts drift back. All the way back to Celesta’s School for Gifted Unicorns. It was a totally different world. I was so green back then. All I wanted was to be the best in the class. But that wasn’t going to happen. No, no matter how good I was, Twilight was always just a little better. Oh sure, I developed faster in practical application, but when it came to magical theory, and spell matrices, she had me hooves down. I suppose it was inevitable that we’d develop a thing for each other. That night in the library, that first kiss...
It was then that I noticed Shadow staring at me. I must have been looking at her this whole time. I blushed furiously, looking away. Goddess, where did that come from? A moment later the bus came to a stop. Our stop. I quickly got up with Shadow and the others and made my way outside.
We could see ‘La Carrousel’ from here, just a little ways up the block. We began walking toward the restaurant. I felt compelled for some reason to explain myself in the bus, just as I was about to speak Shadow’s name an explosion threw us from our hooves.
We shakily got ourselves upright. The restaurant we had been making our way towards was on fire. All of the glass of the windows and doors lay shattered across the street outside from the force of the explosion moments before. Neither of us said a word as we began to sprint toward the front of the building.
A steam bus that had been passing by the front of the restaurant had taken the brunt of the explosive force and had fallen on it’s side. Ponies had begun to crawl of the shattered windows and onto the street to join other ponies that simply stood there dazed and bleeding, obviously in shock.
As I turned to issue instructions to Moonlight, I noticed that she was no longer by my side. Up ahead I saw her poke her head out of the damaged bus, as she handed up an injured pony into the waiting hooves of a former passenger on the edge of a window frame. I shook my head in disbelief. Teleporting into an unknown situation, and a barely perceived location? Was she insane?
She was just climbing out of the bus as I passed it by, heading into the entrance of the ruined restaurant. Tirek having a throw down with Sombra couldn’t have caused as much devastation as what I saw in what was left of the dining area. I carefully made my way through and over piles of flaming debris as I moved toward the kitchens. I had been prepared for the worst, but surprisingly there were no bodies in the outer area. Apparently they must close after the lunch rush to prepare for the first night crowds.
The kitchen area was another story. Judging by the blast pattern the explosion must have occurred somewhere back there, and the force of the blast having nowhere else to go blew outwards through the front taking out the thin divider wall from the kitchen and the dining area. It must have been one hell of an explosion to decimate the dining area and still have enough force to turn over a bus.
I started to step through the opening in the blown out wall, and then paused one hoof still in the air. What I saw before me was something I hoped to never see again. The sight of those that were dead I took in stride, my job didn’t allow for anything less. It was the living that were still in that room...
‘La Carrousel’ employed a large staff. Waiters, waitresses, chefs, sous chefs, assistants, and gophers (the ponies that went and fetched things, not the actual animal.) Not to mention the various others required to keep a restaurant afloat in a sea of competition. To carry that analogy one step further, it looked like the competition had come about and put a full broadside across her hull. The few survivors were sinking fast.
There were bodies everywhere. No, there were pieces of bodies everywhere. I was still frozen in the middle of the blown out wall. My body was in the present surrounded by flaming wreckage, the smell of blood and burnt flesh hot in my nostrils, but my mind was lost twenty years in the past. The classroom, the screams, the blood, so much blood, and Twilight... The look on her face as she stared at me. A mixture of horror and loathing. I knew in that instant, that she would never look upon me the same way ever again.
I was shoved from behind.
“What are you doing? Moonlight yells, “I can hear the screams from out in the lobby. Stop standing around and HELP them.” She says shoving me inside.
I stumble forward. My hooves step in a pool of blood. It’s warm. Moonlight pushes past me, going over to a mare missing a leg, her eyes wide in shock. Moonlight looks around frantically for the missing limb. Finally she locates it, but it’s been destroyed beyond hope of repair. She turns back to the stricken mare. She uses her magic to stop the flow of blood and seal the wound over. She looks back at me angrily. I haven’t moved since I entered the room.
“What are you waiting for?!?” She yells at me, her frustration and anger rising. “Hurry up and use your magic to help theses poor ponies. I can’t save them all on my own.”
“I can’t,” I say quietly, not meeting her gaze.
“What do you mean you can’t?” she all but roars back.
“I mean I can’t!” I shout back. “I’m not able to. I’m a render, not a mender, I don’t HAVE any healing magic!”
She looks at me for a moment. The disappointment in her eyes perfectly mirrors that of Twilight so long ago.
“Then what good are you?” she says finally, before turning away and moving to the next almost dead pony.
I look around at the living and the dead. The one rapidly becoming the other. As tears began to form I force myself to move forward. Nearby I see a rack of aprons that had remained mostly undamaged. I concentrate for a moment and rend them all to to tattered strips. I carry them in the air behind me as I move.
I force myself into detachment as I go from pony to pony. I may not have healing magic, but I know basic first aid as well as emergency field surgery. I had no tools except what I could improvise, but if I could save even one pony I knew I had to at least try. The first one I came to was missing an eye. He had half of a metal salad tong embedded in his shoulder. He was unconscious, but breathing steadily. I was glad he was out. This was going to hurt. I braced my hooves against him holding him down, and pulled the tong free with my magic. I let it bleed for a few moments since I had no way to sterilize the inside of the wound, then I packed it with apron pieces until the bleeding stopped, and bound it as well as the empty eye socket.
I moved onto the next one. She was a waitress, very pretty, but already dead, I shook my head sadly, and moved on. After her was a colt. He barely looked eighteen, an apprentice to a chef by the looks of what was left of his clothing. One leg was at an odd angle, and he had a deep long gash across his chest. He was looking at me and smiling, obviously still in a state of shock.
“Je suis sûr que ce ne est pas aussi mauvais que ça en al'air.” He says, grinning like a fool.
“Pas du tout,” I say in reply. “Mais garder avec moi pendant que je essaie de vous amener jusqu'à cousus. ”
I cast about looking for something I can use as a needle. The goddess must be smiling upon me because I find a whole kit of trussing needles as well as spools of cooking twine of various thickness. I pick the smallest of each, and levitate a bottle of cooking sherry from across the room over to the young colt.
“Excellente. Je ne pouvais vraiment utiliser un verre dès maintenant!” He says.
“Désolé ami, ce ne est pas pour boire. Je crains que cela peut piquer un peu.” I say in reply before pouring half the contents across the open wound.
“AHHHH! Putain, ce est pas comment on bénéficie d'un xérès...” he says, before mercifully passing out.
I use some of the sherry on the thread and go to work, making a neat row of close packed stitches across his chest, then I set his broken arm, using two wooden salad spoons as a splint and binding them with apron strips before moving on.
The next victim was a high ranking chef, you could tell by the height of what was left of his hat. It was missing half of the hundred pleats, that smart ass part of my mind that never fully shuts up wondered if that meant he could now only make fifty varieties of eggs. He was breathing heavily and clutching his side, a thin trickle of blood was seeping from his muzzle with every labored breath. I carefully unbuttoned his white double breasted jacket. Raising his undershirt I could see an ugly purple bruise along his side. I gently probed the area eliciting a gasp of pain as I felt around. Three broken ribs, likely punctured a lung. This I could not fix.
“Moonlight, this one needs you!” I shout, “punctured lung, broken ribs.”
She looks over at me, her gaze softening somewhat as she sees what I have been doing.
“Switch with me, the ones along this wall were farthest away from the blast.” She says as she hurries over. She’s smart, she puts me where I can do the most good with what I am able to do.
After thirty agonizing minutes the Helping Hooves finally arrive. They are Luna’s emergency response teams. They have their own customized steam buses which contain everything from first aid to field surgery as well as firefighting equipment and water tanks. Close behind them comes the Night Watch. I find the captain of the watch, and show him both my credentials and the writ from the princess. I persuade him to allow us to investigate the source of the blast before they come in with their own team. Whatever objections he may have had were washed away after reading Luna’s orders.
It doesn’t take a detective to find where the blast originated. It was just behind the kitchen proper in the small break area where the staff had their lockers containing their personal items. The coolers and freezers were on the other side and the thick steel walls insured that the blast was directed outward from here toward the front of the building. Even so the steel of the walls had buckled from the force of the blast attesting to just how strong the explosive was. Needless to say there was almost nothing left intact.
I consider my options. Before I can make a decision however, I decide to check something first.
“Moonlight, what forensic spells do you know?” I ask.
“Caballiopometry, hemotypografry, dactyloscopy, which is useless of course for ponies,” she says, “let’s see a spell to detect fibrous anomalies, the past/present spell of course, the luminescent fluids spell, also-”
“Past/present spell. Where you can use traces of the remains of a place to show us a vision of what things looked like in the past? That’s an extremely complex and difficult spell. You can cast that?” I ask, impressed despite myself, hells I sure couldn’t cast it.
“Yes of course. Give me just a moment to prepare.” She says her gaze becoming unfocused.
While she is getting ready, I go out and find the captain, and fill him in on what we are about to do. By the time we return, Moonlight is ready. She looks at me and I nod back and she begins the spell. After a few moments a ghostly overlay begins to form about the room we are in. Moonlight wrinkles her brow and the overlay begins to change. It takes me a second to understand what I am seeing. The overly of the room is showing events in reverse. As we watch the explosion moves backwards in on itself. After another moment the blast is sucked in to a familiar looking ring of underground explosives. The same kind that was teleported into my office, only this time there was no Luna here to save anypony. Time inches backwards, and we see the ring vanish, and what looks to be the manager of the restaurant close a locker and then back away from in toward the kitchen an empty box is floating beside him by the magic of his horn.
“Stop that image.” I say, as the scene before me comes to a halt. “Now play it forward slowly.”
Slowly the manager approaches the locker again and opens the door wide.
“Freeze it.” I say again, and the image ceases it’s movements.
I walk over behind the image of the manager and peer into the open locker. On the back wall of it is a picture, obviously taken from one of those photo booths. It’s a picture of a cream colored earth pony, and beside her with a hoof around her shoulder is Babs. Just like I thought. This was Bab’s locker. The manager was probably cleaning it out. Assumed since she hasn’t shown up or answered any calls that she must have quit.
I study the contents of the locker as best I can, not being able to touch anything. Her uniform hangs on the inside of the door. On the inner shelf lies a book about archeology. Nothing else in there that I can see. Hold on, there’s a business card inside the book being used as a book mark. I snort in frustration, it’s too far inside the book to make out anything. But then an idea occurs to me.
“Moonlight, run it forward, just as slow as you can.” I say, without bothering to turn around.
The scene creeps forward at a snails pace. Suddenly two small red lights appear at the back of the locker. After a moment I realize that they are from two tiny glowing red eyes, eyes that are not looking at me, but rather at the manager preparing to reach inside the locker. Suddenly the eyes wink out, and a now familiar ring of explosives appear in mid air. Without preamble they explode in a shock wave of slow moving death.
I ignore the disintegrating form of the manager as he comes apart from the blast, instead I focus all my attention on the book in the locker. I’m hoping to get insanely lucky. And for once I do. As the concussive force of the blast impacts against the locker, the book is jarred upwards, the card flies free, and I have less than a second to read it’s contents with my photographic memory spell rune before it is atomized along with everything else in the room.
“Okay Moonlight, let it go,” I say as her face relaxes and the room returns to normal.
“Well?” The captain asks expectantly, “What have you learned?”
“I’m sorry captain, that’s classified at the moment. I’ll let your department know as soon as I am able.” I say, knowing that this will NOT endear me to the Night Watch.
He scowl’s at me, but says nothing as I make my way out of the restaurant. Luna’s writ will keep him off my back, which at this point is a very good thing.
“I take it you found a lead?” Moonlight asks, trotting up beside me. “I’ll assume that you will be willing to share it with ME at least.”
“Of course,” I say as we round the corner, heading uptown, away from the carnage.
“It seems Luna wasn’t telling me everything.” I say, as we come to an empty steam bus stop.
“What do you mean by that?” Moonlight asks, a hint of iron in her voice. Hmm, somepony is very protective of her boss.
“I mean, that Luna never mentioned the fact that she had dealings with Babs.” I say in reply.
“What gives you that idea?” She asks, “something you saw in her locker? What was it?”
Before I can answer a steam buss pulls up. It’s side emblazoned with a familiar ad. I point to the ad, and smile grimly.
“That.” I say.
She looks over at the advertisement. A picture of princess Luna with her hooves around the shoulders of two competent looking scientists. “Night Industries R & D, Keeping your future bright, in the city of night.”
“Oh... buck.” She mutters.
Chapter 7
Revelations
Neither of us spoke as we entered the steam bus. The driver looked like he had something to say as he took in our apparel, bloodied as it was, but the glare I gave him made him change his mind.
Normally I would have just teleported us back to my office, but after the dregs of adrenaline had worn off I found myself spent both mentally and physically. It was that room. I knew that I shouldn’t be THIS tired. But the truth was I was still replaying events over and over in my mind, both those of today, and from all those years ago.
As we sat beside each other, listening to the chuff, chuff, of the steam engines, the images interposed themselves over the view of the bus’s interior. Blood, so much blood, so many pieces of pony. And Twilight, always Twilight, with that look of horror and revulsion on her face.
Nopony ever thinks about how quickly their life can change. That morning, all those years ago when a young colt woke up to a future as bright as Celestia’s sun, but before the evening was over, it would turn as black as a moonless night. This morning all that those ponies at the restaurant had to worry about were who would show up late, and how big the tips would be by the end of their shift. Now half of them would wake up in the hospital tomorrow, and the other half would never wake up again.
These were the thoughts running through my head right then. Not the case, or the clues, or the dry cleaning bill. Innocents had died. Again. And if I had done things just slightly differently, they would not have... again. All I had to have done was NOT cave in to Moonlight’s request for lunch. If we had just gotten there sooner, then I would have been the one to open the locker. I would have immediately recognized those explosives from the first time, and teleported them away. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. Tartarus, I don’t know... All I do know is that if I had to chose between them and me, I would have chosen me every time.
I rub my temple with my hooves, and when I look up I find that Moonlight has been staring at me. Sheesh, that’s not at all creepy. I raise an eyebrow, as if to say ‘what?’. She answers my unspoken question.
“I-I’m sorry.” She says hesitantly. “What I said before, in the kitchen. You were just standing there, not moving... and all those ponies...”
“Just stop.” I say holding up a hoof. “I froze. You have nothing to apologize for. Seeing the inside of that room... It drug out a memory of a long time ago. One I keep trying to bury, but keeps finding it’s way back. That’s no excuse though, I froze. It’s like you said, ‘what good was I?’ If anything I owe you an apology, and my thanks for putting my head back in the here and now.”
“Is it something you want to talk about?” She asks, her voice soft and understanding.
She seems genuinely concerned, but I horde my pain like a dragon hordes treasure.
“No, but thank you. Let’s just say that some years ago I made a mistake. A mistake I can never undo. That room should give you a pretty good idea of the kind of mistake I’m talking about.” I lean back and rub my temples once again. “Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Do you have any idea how many beings I’ve had to kill since I started as an agent?”
“One hundred and fourteen,” She replies deadpan. “It was in your file.”
I sigh deeply. “I was being rhetorical,” I reply. A small part of me notes that whatever her sources are, they weren’t able to obtain a copy of my ‘other’ file. Her total is woefully low.
“Sorry,” she says.
“Fuggeddabouddit,” I reply with my old accent. “Let’s just get back to the office, get cleaned up, and call it a day. We need to meet back up first thing in the morning. You and I need to pay a visit to Night Industries.”
“Um, about that,” she begins, caution creeping into her voice. “I really don’t think Luna would appreciate an agent of Celestia’s running around loose in her main research and development facility.”
“You’re absolutely right,” I reply. “But the fact is, the trail leads right to their doorstep. Also Luna gave me that nice writ to go ANYWHERE that has bearing on my investigation. Add to that, I’m getting pressure from my own boss to finish this case quickly. Bottom line, like it or not, that’s where we are going. If it helps, I can promise not to go snooping around any areas that are not related to the case. And I think you know I’m too much of a professional to blab any secrets to the public.”
“But you will still be reporting to Celestia.” Moonlight prompts.
“Unavoidable.” I retort. “I’m trying to go up the middle here, but Celestia is my boss, just like Luna is yours. If, in the course of my investigation I were to discover something that could become a potential threat to her kingdom, I have no choice to report it.”
“You always have a choice.” She replies in a quite voice, not looking at me.
The steam bus pulls up to our stop. I don’t say anything as we get out and make our way back to my office. By the time we get there I have made up my mind to tell her something about myself. Heck, I figure if we work together long enough she’s going to find out anyway, and maybe this way she’ll understand my position a little bit better.
We trot inside and I throw my coat and fedora on Ori’s desk. “Back in the bus, you said I always have a choice.” She looks up at me and nods. I take her hoof and place it on my barrel. Through my coat it only takes her a moment to feel the hard metal of a rune set under the outer layer of my skin. For a moment it flares a soft blue at her touch. “No Moonlight, I don’t have a choice. I gave up all my choices a long time ago.”
“A spell rune?” she asks in shock. It’s my turn to nod. Instead of pulling away she begins to trace her hoof across my barrel, it only takes her a moment to find the next one, then the next one, then the next one. She continues her explorations for a few more minutes. Her eyes going wider as she begins to recognize what some of them are for.
“How... how many? They seem to be everywhere.” She says as she finally removes her hoof. This is a shame, I was starting to really enjoy it.
“At this point around seventy-eight percent of my body is covered in spell runes.” I say as I settle back into one of the guest chairs.
“Seventy ei-... by the Sky Stallion! How could you endure it? Each one, melted into your flesh... that many... it must have been sheer agony! Is this what it means to work for m- Celestia?” she says in horror.
“Now, now, calm down.” I say, raising my hooves. “It’s not like I was forced or coerced. We are all volunteers. And it didn’t happen all at once. I had time to heal before the next one was added. Also, not all of them are permanent. Some she added to the base set as time went along. But the thing is, some of these spells are extremely powerful. Celestia isn’t foolish enough to just let us run around with them unchecked. If we want those spells, part of the price is a geas that we allow her to place on us. It’s different for each of us, but the bottom line is, that there IS a bottom line. If we cross that invisible line, our death runes will activate automatically, and then all that magic will cause our bodies to explode like the interior of that restaurant. We can also choose to self destruct if we are captured, and of course if she so chooses, Celestia can activate them at any time herself. As you can see, it’s quite the incentive to do our jobs properly.”
One look at Moonlight and I can tell she is horrified.
“H-how many others?” she stammers out. “How many more like you are there?”
“That’s classified.” I respond.
“But... why? Why would you allow something like this to be done to you? Surely you realize that the magics those runes hold, leak magic into your body. Not even the most sophisticated spell rune is one hundred percent stable. And that many runes. Your body will become saturated with conflicting magical harmonics. It’s a miracle that your body hasn’t torn itself apart.” She says, staring at me as if I might explode any minute.
“Let’s just say I have a work around.” I reply. “I am in no danger of exploding, at least not from that. And before you ask, no, I don’t plan on going into details.” I say holding up a hoof to forestall that line of inquiry. Assuming Luna’s agent is as trained as I am, then I had to be careful of making any off hoof remark. Sometimes Celestia loves me like a son, but she’d throw me INTO the sun if she ever found out I let any of her secrets slip out.
Almost as if she was reading my mind, Moonlight asks. “And you don’t think your boss will be upset when she finds out you have given away what could be a huge tactical advantage by telling me all of this?”
“Not really,” I say casually. “It seems to me that you’ll find out at some point regardless, given the direction our investigation seems to be heading. Also, at least in this endeavor, we are on the same side, and I feel a... ‘partner’, should know what to expect when the cow chips are down.” Partner. Gahh, I hate saying that word again. But really, it’s the only term that fits. Thankfully at least it isn’t permanent.
“I see.” She responds.
She sits there quietly for a few moments. I assume she is integrating everything she just heard into whatever her mission profile is. I don’t think for a minute that Luna told me even half the truth about her. For all I know her instructions are to kill me as soon as I finish this case. Which would totally suck... for her.
Finally she stands facing me. “Johnny. I just can’t figure you out. On the one hoof, you are cold and calculating, and almost relentless when in pursuit of your goal. Yet on the other, you have trouble when others are suffering. You’ve killed more sentient beings than half of Luna’s agents combined, but you freeze at a blood filled room. You are literally the equivalent of a walking magical bomb just waiting to go off, and yet you act like you don’t have a care in the world. Do you have any idea how much damage that much high level magic would cause if it all went up at once?”
“Yes, actually I do. You, on the other hoof, do not.” I say rising to my hooves as well. “I know down to the thaum, what would happen. You’ll just have to trust me when I say that it won’t. No innocent pony will ever be harmed by such a thing. That possibility has been eliminated.”
I say this last with finality. She needs to know I am serious, otherwise she might try to do something foolish. Like try to lock me away in some underground bunker until they can rip the runes out of my living flesh. That wouldn’t end well for any of us.
She studies me again. Time seems to come to a stop.
Finally she says. “I’ll have to report this to Princess Luna.”
“Fine,” I say. I expected no less.
“And the fact that you plan to visit Night Industries.” She adds.
“Do what you have to do.” I reply. “But if Luna decides she wants to try and do a quick tidy up tonight, and ends up ruining my chances to solve the case, it’s safe to assume that my boss will be very curious to know what could have possibly been so important as to jeopardize not only the chances of recovering her pet, but the life of a young pony as well. And it’s a safe bet that if she starts thinking down those lines that you’ll soon find your city full to the brim with ponies like me. Ponies you know nothing about.
So my ‘advice’ agent Moonlight Shadow, is to convince your boss to let me do my job with a minimum of interference. It’ll get me out of her mane all the faster.”
“When seeing the facts from your perspective, I am forced to conclude that you are correct.” She says ridgedly. “I will inform the Princess of your... ‘suggestion’,” she says as she makes her way to the door. “Expect me back here by nine o’clock. I’ll inform you of any changes the princess may wish to make to your plan.”
And without another word, she walks out the door, not quite slamming it behind her. I’ve put her on the spot with her boss. Good. I haven’t been thrilled walking a tightrope between Celestia and Luna ever since I was assigned this fools errand. Maretese Phoenix... bah. If it wasn’t for the missing pony, I’d tell them both where they can go looking for their missing bird. First clue... it’s dark. Second clue... it smells most recently of chili.
Hmm, speaking of which... I open the door to my office, and turn on the lights. In front of my desk is Celestia’s... I mean MY new chair. I trot over to it, lean in close, and take a hesitant sniff. Oh... smells nice. Not only cleaned and polished, but they added some of that spray stuff... what was it called? Fabreezy? Yeah, that was it. Well, at least one thing went right today.
I wasn’t about to ruin all the hard work that somepony did on my new chair by flopping down in it in my current condition. I was feeling rested enough for a teleport home. I needed a shower. And something to eat. And lots of somethings to drink. Time enough to test drive this beauty in the morning.
Nine firstnight came far to early for my liking. By the time I struggled out of bed I was almost late. I grabbed my spare duster and fedora, threw some oats in a bowl and teleported to work. Ori had a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me, and a fresh muffin was on my desk along with the morning news. I had made it with fifteen minutes to spare, so I quickly began eating while my eyes scanned the pages.
There was an article there about the restaurant. The Night Watch were quoted as saying the cause was an ‘accident’ pending further investigation. No mention of Moonlight or myself, or any pictures of either of us. Good.
At nine on the dot Moonlight arrived. She was wearing a new dress, still black. No hat this time. She seemed much more relaxed. Either the chat with her boss went well, or a good night’s sleep had worked wonders. I was more worried about the former, than the latter.
I drained the last of my coffee and stood up. “Ori, expect us to be gone the better part of the day. You have the bridge.” I quipped
“Aye, aye captain.” She replied, not quite stifling a grin. We both listen to the same shows on the ponaudio, so she got my Star Trot reference.
I didn’t want to waste the time it took for a steam bus to get us there, so as soon as we were out in the hallway I took Moonlight’s hoof and teleported us. Night Industries R&D was the last set of buildings you came to on Star Lane. The road continued forward from here to the main courtyard of Luna’s Castle.
I stood there for a moment, just staring up at the imposing edifice. Forever bathed in the light of the full moon, it was at once both beautiful, and intimidating. Whoever the architect was, he had manage to capture the presence of his mistress perfectly in stone.
“Beautiful isn’t it?” Moonlight asked, at my side. “The spires, and minarets. It’s like a fairytale castle.”
“Indeed.” I reply. “To be honest, I always found the one in Canterlot to be excessively biased toward Celestia. It was a ‘sun’ castle. It’s nice to see her sister’s taste’s have a chance to be expressed.”
Moonlight looks at me oddly for a moment. “A surprising thing to say, considering who your master is.”
“I have NO master.” I say, a little more strongly than I intended to. “I have a boss, that I have willingly pledged myself to. You may think there is no difference, SHE may think there is no difference, but if she were to ever betray herself to her ponies, she would find out otherwise.”
“Like Nightmare Moon.” Moonlight says, almost to herself.
“Exactly.” I respond. “I am loyal to Celestia, as long as she is loyal to her people. If that were to ever change, my loyalties would always remain with the ideals that she strives so hard to attain.”
“You are a very... complex, pony.” She says finally.
“One of the nicer things I have been told about myself,” I say inclining my head toward the front door of Night Industries. “Shall we?”
“Very well, if we must.” She says, forcing a look of resignation onto her muzzle.
We trot in side by side. I’ve never been inside the place before. White walls, vaulted ceilings, glass and brass accents everywhere. Very high tech looking. I walk over to the main receptions desk. A bright looking young mare greets us with a wide smile.
“Welcome to Night Industries Research and Development. My name is Silver Lining, how may I help you?” she inquires in a happy voice.
She looks so happy and perky, it makes me really hate myself for what I’m about to do, but there may be a pony’s life on the line, so I force myself to push on.
“Mrs. Lining,” I say, earning a slight frown from Moonlight, (I remembered too late that she hates ‘Mrs.”), I realize this will be a terrible inconvenience to you, but I’m afraid that we need to see Dr. Brass.”
Moonlight’s head jerks up with a start. I purposely never mentioned the name on that business card that was in Bab’s locker to Moonlight. I had no intention of allowing her time to head off what I had planned. This was because of who Dr. Brass was.
Dr. Brass Tacks was the pony responsible for single hoofedly inventing the Magically Induced Steam engine, and most of it’s applications in Luna’s city. Dr. Brass, as everypony called him nowadays, was also the head of Night Industries Applied technologies decision. If there was a new toy or piece of tech released to the citizens of Whinnyappleous, you can bet it was Dr. Brass that put it there. Aside from Luna herself, he was the most important pony in the city.
As expected, my request caused the chipper receptionist to deflate, albeit only slightly.
“I’m sorry sir,” she said in apologetic tones, “But Dr. Brass is unavailable to see guests. And I’m afraid that making an appointment is out of the question. He specifically requested that he not be disturbed for the remainder of the week.”
“And I suppose next week...” I left the question hanging.
“He will come to my desk, and request not to be disturbed again for the remainder of that week as well.” She says, trying to maintain her good nature.
Clearly she has had to deal with this sort of thing before. She fully expected me to lose my temper, rant and rave, or at least storm off. I felt really bad for her, considering I was about to do something worse. At this point what I should do is put on my mask, and force myself to be cold and efficient. But this pony was just doing her job as best she could. And I was about to put her in a bad place with her boss. So instead I placed a small shield around the two of us and spoke quickly.
“Silver. May I call you Silver?” She offers a quick nod. “I just placed a small shield around us. A cone of silence. For the next few seconds, nopony can hear what we say, even through those little listening devices under the lip of your desk.” Her eyes widen at this, clearly I wasn’t supposed to know that they monitor her conversations. “Now in a moment I am going to show you an official document, but before I do, I want you to know that this is nothing personal between you and me. You have to do your job and I have to do mine.” I take her hand and hoof her a business card discreetly. “If something happens to you because of today, please give me a call. I’ll do everything I can to make it right.” She gives me a confused look for a moment, but tucks the card into her sleeve in such a way that nopony else could have saw.
‘A-all right,” she stammers, “but what is this about?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that. I’m about to drop the shield, are you ready?” I ask. She gives a small nod in return.
To anypony else except Moonlight who was standing right beside me, it would have merely looked like I had dropped my voice, trying not to yell at her inside the building, and she of course had done the same. As for the listening devices, they would have simple heard nothing. Well up until now.
“I’m sorry to hear that Mrs. Lining, but you see in this case, I cannot take ‘no’ for an answer.” I pull out Luna’s Writ from the pocket of my duster, and place in on the desk in front of her. “I have full permission to go anywhere I see fit in this facility, so like it or not, I WILL be meeting with Dr. Brass, the only question is, will somepony escort me to him, or will I have to do a room by room search?”
Her eyes go wide as she reads the document I’ve placed before her. “I-I’ll need to speak to my manager-” she begins to say as she reaches for the intercom. But before she can complete the gesture two immense security ponies trot up to either side of the desk.
“Ah, you must be our escort. If nothing else, Night Industries makes efficient use of it’s time. Now if you two gentle ponies will be so kind as to escort me to Dr. Brass.” I say taking a step forward.
Instantly the two are blocking my way. “It’s time for you to leave Mister.” The taller of the two say.
“This letter I have says otherwise.” I hold it aloft in front of his eyes with my magic.
“Sir, I really don’t care what your paper says,” he says while trying to rip it out of the air between us. A move I anticipated by making sure the magic surrounding it rendered it untouchable. After a few frantic grabs he continues. “All that concerns me at this moment is how much blood we will have to clean up between here and the front door.”
I shake my head for a moment. “Boy’s I don’t have time to play today, I have a full schedule ahead of me, so let me make this simple.” I form two small perfectly unbreakable spheres around their heads with my magic. Before they can so much as lunge at me, I teleport the remaining air from inside of them, out into the lobby. Then after they both collapse into unconsciousness, I let the bubbles fade. I simply stand there waiting for who they send next.
Moonlight, who had up until now been merely standing silently beside me finally speaks. “Is this going the way you expected?” she asks.
“Pretty much.” I reply.
“So what happens next?” she says nudging one of the guards with a hoof.
“One of two things I’d expect.” I say. “Either they have called the Night Watch by now, or they are going to send out a flunkie to see if I can be reasoned with. Given just how important Dr. Brass is, I would guess, Night Watch. And considering there is a doughnut shop half a block away...”
“FREEZE!” A voice behind us shouts. “Throw down your arms, and put your hooves in the air!”
“You do realize that those are three completely contradictory statements right?” I say over my shoulder, as I begin to turn around.
He raises his M.I.S.P.P.L. and points it at my head, before yelling “DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!”
“I’m not your moth-” I begin before Moonlight shoves a hoof in my mouth.
She puts her other hoof on my shoulder and pulls us both down to a kneeling position, while she floats her ID out of her carry bag and levitates it over to the officer. His eyes then go wide as he realizes just who she is, and who she works directly for. He lowers his weapon as we rise to our hooves.
“S-sorry about that ma’am.” He stutters. “We just received a call about somepony killing two security guards. Did they somehow break the law?” He asks indicating the ponies sprawled on the floor.
The two dead guards in question begin moaning and waking up. Before things can get out of hoof, I trot over to the officer.
“I believe that there has been a misunderstanding.” I say, passing him my writ. “As part of my investigation for Princess Luna, we came here to speak to Dr. Brass. Unfortunately the ponies in this building seem reluctant to accede to the princess’s wishes. I don’t suppose that you would be able to help us with that?”
During my little speech the Patrol pony had given my writ the once over. He fishes something out of a pouch on his belt, and passes it over the paper. He then passes the writ back to me, almost reverently.
“Of course sir. I will personally see to it that no pony here impedes your work for the princess.” He says as he offers me a salute.
By now the guards have risen to their hooves, and have caught the tail end of our little diatribe. A quick word between them and the shorter of the two hurries off into the inner office. While the other guard hurriedly explains his version of events to the officer, suddenly a well groomed pony in a lab coat emerges from the inner office and all but runs toward the receptionist’s desk.
“Officer, just a moment if you please!” The pony all but shouts as he hurries toward us. “I am Dr. Double Helix, please give me a moment, and let’s see if we can sort out this situation eh?”
Double Helix speaks to both the receptionist and the taller security pony as the officer stands nearby and listens. After a few moments he turns to myself and Moonlight.
“I am terribly sorry that you both have been put to such inconvenience.” He says apologetically. “I can assure you that our security policies were never meant to interfere with any pony who has a legitimate need to see anyone in our facility. This misunderstanding was merely due to a rather overenthusiastic member of our security force.” He adds, glaring at the taller security pony. “I’m sure that we can clear all of this up, and help you with your problem without the need to detain a member of the Night Watch any further.”
I decide to let him off the hook. We bucked the tree, and this was the apple that fell out. Whether he was a worm inside or not didn’t matter, because now that we were officially ‘noticed’, they really couldn’t get rid of me until I was satisfied. And I am very difficult to satisfy when I want to be.
“Yes officer, I think that we should be able to sort things out now.” I say, smiling my used cart sales pony smile at him. “I really do appreciate all of your help in clearing this matter up for us.” He thanks me before trotting away, no doubt wondering what exactly he did to help us, other than pointing a gun at my head. Heh, sometimes that’s all the help I need. I turn to the Doctor.
“Doctor Double Helix... hmm, is it alright to refer to you as Dr. Double?” I ask.
“Oh perfectly fine,” he says with his muzzle, but not with his eyes. No he doesn’t like that at all... Dr. Double it is then.
“Well, Dr. Double, as I was saying to your receptionist, I need to speak to Dr. Brass immediately. It concerns an urgent matter to the crown.” As I say this I hold up my writ for inspection once again. He barely glances at it before replying.
“Of course. Luna is after all the owner of our company, not to mention our sovereign ruler. Unfortunately you have come as he is right in the middle of a very delicate experiment. He is working in a sealed environment and wont be able to leave it for at least another half hour. Word has been sent to him informing him to come to his office as soon as he is finished. In the meantime, could I offer you a tour of our establishment? I’m not sure if a look around will help you in any way, but if nothing else it will pass the time until Dr. Brass is able to speak to you.”
Moonlight has a rather stunned look on her muzzle. This was obviously not what she expected to hear. I weighed my options. If Brass was up to something, thirty minutes was a long time to cover it up. On the other hoof, a free tour of one of Luna’s most secure facilities would be quite the feather in my cap with Celestia. And thinking about it realistically, even if I were to force the issue, Dr. Double could still give Brass enough time between now and when I actually found him, to clean up any dirty laundry he may want to hide.
“Dr. Double, speaking for Miss Moonlight and myself, I’d say that we would be delighted to take you up on your offer of a tour.” I turn and give Moonlight a broad smile. The look she offers back could melt steel.
“Excellent!” He says, as he guides us into a steam powered elevator.
I hide me unease. These things always make me nervous. Tiny coffin size box, suspended high in the air by a thin cable. I don’t need a seapony in a white jumpsuit yelling ‘it’s a trap’ to make me suspicious of the whole thing. But the ride goes off without a hitch, and as the doors open once again, the three of us look down the long corridor ahead.
Freeoow! And I thought the lobby had looked high tech. All along either side of the hallway were rooms with thick clear glass walls facing us. As we walked along we could see dozens of ponies, griffins and other beings in lab coats all hard at work on various projects. I picked my metaphorical muzzle off the floor and concentrated on what Dr. Double was saying as we slowly walked past different rooms.
“This floor is devoted to projects that will soon be released to the public at large. Most are in the final testing stages. For example, in the room to your left you’ll see one of our latest triumphs. We are calling it ‘Ponvideo’. Much like ponaudio does with sound, ponvideo does the same thing with images." Dr. Double says, pointing into the rooms interior with a hoof.
“As you can see, we have a performer, ‘Otctavia’ I believe her name is, playing the cello. In front of her is a camera of sorts that can take pictures up to thirty frames a second. But the pictures aren’t printed on paper. Instead the images are then sent directly to the receiver you see on the other side of the room.”
Sure enough, on the other side of the room was a bulky square box, and on the glass front of it was a small ‘Octavia’ playing the cello, perfectly synchronized with the real one. DANG!
My mind started filling with all sorts of ideas for how this invention could be used, for both good, and bad, and... well... at this I broke off that train of thought before a blush could spread across my muzzle.
“That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.” I admitted frankly. “What are your plans for this invention?”
“Oh all sorts of things,” Dr. Double responded with a huge grin. “Combining ponaudio and ponvideo, we can send plays instead of just audio dramas into everypony’s home. Nature documentaries, travels to exotic locations, and news and current events. Actors will no longer have to travel from place to place to entertain the masses. Great musicians can be heard across entire cities instead of just playing for a few hundred. And important messages can be sent back and forth by just looking into a receiver and speaking. If the two ponies at either end had both a receiver and a pickup, they could speak to each other as if they were in the same room, hundreds of miles apart from each other.”
“I am literally awestruck,” I said. Which was true. This technology could change the way the whole world interacts with each other. “And you say this will be made to the public, in the near future?” I ask.
“Oh yes,” Double replies. All that’s left to do is fine tune the synchronization between the ponaudio signals and the ponvideo. And that should be no more than a few days away at most. Then Luna plans on distributing receivers to all the ponies in Whinnyappleous. And much like ponaudio, it will only cost them a few bits per month to enjoy all the programs that Luna plans to have produced.”
Octavia has finished her performance, and has risen from her chair. She trots over to the ponvideo receiver. On top of it is a small box. The technician presses a button on the device, and a little red light blinks for a moment. Then it stops. The technician presses another button, and suddenly on the screen, the small Octavia reappears, and begins playing the same piece the real one had been playing moments before, from the beginning. My eyes start to bulge.
“Wait, hold on. You mean to tell me that you can somehow record ponvideo the same as you do ponaudio? You could record an entire play, and just play it back whenever you want?” I say, excitement filling my voice.
“Well, yes... and no. The process itself works quite well, but the film that we use to record it on is highly flammable. If exposed to a moderate amount of heat, it can literally set itself on fire. Until we can find some way to make a safer film, recording technology will not be released to the public.” Double says sadly. “However it can still be used in at least laboratory conditions, such as this one, and in certain special cases. For example, Octavia has insisted that as part of her payment for her services, we allow her to have copies of her performances, and a player for her own personal use. She has been clearly instructed on the dangers of the film itself, and has promised to keep it stored in a cool place away from light or heat.”
We continue to watch Octavia watch herself for a few more moments, before trotting further down the hallway. The rest of the floor is filled with many other interesting things. Special fertilizers to allow crops to grow in the eternal night of Luna’s city. New applications for the steam engine. Advances in alchemy, and thaumaturgry. But to me the most fascinating thing seem to be ponvideo. Celestia would toss her cake if she knew what Luna had managed to achieve. And yet, instead of hording it, and keeping it a military secret, she was going to give it to her citizens, almost for free. Not for the first time was I impressed by how the night princess operated.
By the time we had gotten to the other end of this floor, it was well past the thirty minutes we had allotted for until Dr. Brass became available. As we trotted back toward the elevator, I realized what had just happened. The good Dr. Double had dazzled me with things I had never seen before, but were essentially not secret, as most all of these would be made public soon. I couldn’t help but wonder as the doors closed, that if all of this was what I was ALLOWED to see, just what was going on on the other floors of this building...
Chapter Eight
Dr. Brass
The elevator dinged as we arrived at the top floor of the building. Unlike the previous floor, this one was decorated in tasteful earth tones. The plush carpet felt welcome on my hooves as I and my companion were escorted past several doors along the corridor, until we found ourselves facing a final door at the end.
The door opened into a small waiting are where we were greeted politely by another cheerful office assistant seated behind a large mahogany desk.
“This is where I take my leave of you,” Dr. Double said inclining his head slightly. “A pleasure meeting you,” he says turning toward Moonlight, before making his way back outside.
“Apparently I didn’t make a lasting impression on the good Doctor,” I say in an amused tone to Moonlight.
She favors me with a wry grin. “Oh, I wouldn’t say THAT, quite the opposite I do believe.”
“Excuse me please,” the pony behind the desk says. “If you’ll just give me a moment, I will go inform Doctor Brass Tacks that you are here.”
“Of course,” I reply. “Thank you very much.”
The pony whose name I never got inclines her head before making her way into the inner office. She quickly returns.
“Doctor Tacks will see you now, please step inside.” She says, still smiling cheerfully. I’d be creeped out by all the smiling, if it weren’t for the fact that everypony, (with the exception of Doctor Double), seemed to be giving off a genuinely happy vibe. If I ever live to need another job, I’m definitely putting in a resume here.
We enter the inner office, more like a studio apartment. The furniture was modern, all smooth and sleek curves. The paintings on the walls were all cubist, and the view behind the large desk we were approaching was breathtaking.
Luna’s castle was almost eye level to us and was back lit by the full moon. To be able to sit in this office and face such a stunning display every day... I admit I was feeling more than a little bit of office envy.
Movement from the chair that was facing outwards toward the view caused me to shift my attention, as the occupant spun around casually to face us.
My first impression of him was ‘confidence’. Here was somepony who was completely self assured. Secure in the knowledge that whatever situation he found himself in, that he would find some way of mastering it. He looked upwards at us, and spoke in measured tones.
“Well Mr. Appleseed, you’ve certainly gone to great lengths to see me in person, and judging by your lovely companion, I can assume that your reasons must be quite serious. So. What can I do for you?”
His voice is melodic, despite the serious tone in his voice. I decide to dial back on the flippancy. This was one of the few times my instincts were screaming ‘tactful’ in my ear, so for whatever reason, I decided to play this soft.
“I apologize for any difficulty I may have put you, and your staff through Dr. Tacks. I assure you I would never have done so if the situation was not so dire. Literally a matter of life and death sir.”
“I see.” Dr Tacks replies his face turning grave. “In that case you need never worry about my convenience. If some pony is in danger, I will of course, do everything in my power to help. Consider both myself and this establishment your disposal, and please Dr. Tacks was my father, Dr. Brass is fine. I’m used to it. Now how may I help you Mr. Appleseed?”
“Johnny is fine Dr. Brass, and my companion is Miss Shadow, or Moonlight. As for why we are here.” I pull out a photo of Babs and hoof it to the Doctor. “Do you recognize this pony sir?” I inquire.
He looks at the photo intently, before responding. “Yes, yes I do. A Miss Babs Seed. I met her several weeks ago. She was working at a Prench restaurant. She made quite an impression on me. After our first encounter, I made a point of always sitting in whatever section she was assigned. A remarkable young pony. I could tell right away that she was wasting her potential working as a waitress. I gave her one of my personal business cards in the hopes that I could lure her away and convince her to come work for us here. But she never contacted me, and the last few times I went there she was never to be seen. Has something happened to her?”
“That’s what we are trying to find out. Miss Seed has gone missing, and the restaurant she was working at has suffered a rather extensive accident yesterday.” I wasn’t going to tell Dr. Brass about the explosives for several reasons. One of which being that until the case was closed, everypony, no matter who they were, was a suspect in my eyes. “You say it’s been some time since you last spoke to Babs. Could you tell me, did she tell you anything about herself? Or her life outside of work? Any details may be important.”
“I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer.” Dr. Brass says regretfully. “The few times we spoke were while she was waiting on me, so we never had time to do more than exchange pleasantries. She seemed to have one close friend, that she talked about, but she never mentioned her name. It was always in context. ‘My friend and I went to this new club, or I stayed over at my friends house last weekend’,things like that. She never mentioned any hobbies, but it seemed to me that she was a very intelligent pony by the way she spoke, so I’m sure there was more to her than the ‘party girl’ persona that she seemed to feel she had to project. I do remember her asking me once if I had any interest in archeology, by when I said no, she never brought it up again. I wish I could be more helpful, but I’m afraid I never really had the chance to get to know her.”
I nod somberly. Little things were clicking together in my mind. As much as I wished I could justify asking Dr. Brass a few more... ‘personal’ questions, I knew that there was no way I could do so without insult. And since he was being sincerely forthcoming, I saw no reason to go down that path... at least right now. “Is there anything you would like to add Moonlight?” I say turning toward her.
“No, I believe that covers everything. But if you can think of anything else, or if by some chance she contacts you, we would appreciate it of you would contact us as soon as possible.” She says, handing him a business card of her own.
“Of course. And if either of you need to speak to me again, I am leaving standing instructions to all of my staff to allow you in, no questions asked. Mercy? Would you please inform security as to my wishes on the matter, and then if you would, please escort my guests back to the lobby.”
From seemingly out of nowhere a female pony steps into view, and proceeds to use the Doctor’s intercom to call security. All kinds of alarm bells go off in my head. Somehow she had to have been in the room with us the entire time. And yet I sensed her presence not at all. I glance to the side at Moonlight, and notice she wears a similar surprised expression on her face. She didn’t notice her either.
Obviously this was not your normal everyday unicorn. I studied her for a moment. Light blue coat, about my age, I couldn’t see her cutie mark from the way she was turned. She looked very familiar for some reason. The Doctor called her ‘Mercy’, this nagged at my memory as well. Then the pony finished speaking and turned toward us, and it all came crashing into place.
“Solace... Merciful Solace.” I whisper aloud, my muzzle falling open. She hears me.
“Yes, it’s me. I’m surprised you remember me. It’s been quite some time.” She says, favoring me with a small smile. “You’re looking well. And you’re calling yourself Johnny now? How’s Twilight?” she asks, not bitterly like I would have expected.
I answer in a daze. “I wouldn’t know. She hasn’t spoken to me since that incident back at school. Yes, I go by Johnny now, ever since back at the school I haven’t used... that other name. You’re looking...” I take a moment to allow my eyes to pass over her. It was then I finally noticed her legs. All four ended at the upper joints. All four from those joints down were clad in bright brass prosthesis of some kind. The front two ended in what humans would call hands. I took all this in in less than a second, and finished my sentence without a noticeable pause, “...well,” I say. “Those are new,” I say gesturing at her new limbs.
“Oh yes,” She says raising a hoof and showing off her articulated fingers. “The latest in pony prosthesis. Dr. Brass made them for me. Thanks to him I can walk again, have a normal life again. Finally be able to live a normal life. All those years since the accident at school, and I can finally start to live once more.” She says happily.
I turn to Dr. Brass. “Doctor. Mercy is... was, an old friend of mine from years ago. I-I can’t thank you enough for doing this for her. This means more to me than I could ever say.” I tell him, fighting back the tears that threaten to spill from my eyes.
“Johnny it was my pleasure. He says warmly. “Mercy came to this city, like so many other ponies, because of the promise of a new start, a new life. These new limbs I have created for her, and many others like her, are just my way of helping to keep that promise. The mechanics are really quite simple. Tiny M.I.S. motors in the limbs themselves are linked by magic to the wearers mind. They function just like real legs would. And they are much stronger and more durable. The optional hand claws that I had originally designed for griffins and diamond dogs are becoming all the rage for many of my pony clients.”
“Doctor, out of all the amazing things I have seen today, this... this leaves me speechless.” I say.
“Johnny Appleseed at a loss for words? My dear doctor, today you are witnessing a TRUE miracle,” Mercy says to him with an impish smile.
“Now Mercy,” he chides, “be gentle with our guest. His colt like wonder is one of the reasons I enjoy my work so much. Try not to tarnish it too badly.”
“Of course not sir. I would never tarnish your brass,” she says deadpan, raising a brassy hoof in mock salute, before ushering us toward the door to the outer office.
We make our way back to the elevator, enter, and Mercy pushes the button for the lobby. As the doors slide closed, I finally say what I have been waiting for ever since I recognized her face.
“Mercy. Oh Goddess Mercy... I-I’m so sorry. They never let me come back. To see everyone... the survivors. Aside from Twilight I was never able to contact anyone, and she of course isn’t speaking to me. To see you here, alive and walking. It’s just so... it’s like a miracle. Please, have you seen any of the others? Can you tell me anything about our classmates? Celestia still to this day won’t say a word.”
She turns to face me, as the smile falls away from her muzzle. “I’m not surprised.” She says, her tone grim. “You probably had no way of knowing, but the entire incident was covered up. It was called a failure in one of the instructor’s spells. Your name was never mentioned. All of the survivors, and the families of those that didn’t, were paid quite a lot of bits from the royal treasury as compensation for our losses. However one of the documents that we had to sign was an agreement to never discuss what happened with anypony.” She turns away, and faces the door.
“It’s been a long time since I saw any of our classmates. Some, like me who were in pretty bad shape, were given private rooms in various hospitals, all paid for by the crown of course. The ones still able to get about and take care of themselves all drifted away. None of us really kept in touch with one another. To be honest, I think we all just wanted to forget that day ever happened. So, you said you weren’t allowed to see any of us. Were you in trouble? Did they arrest you?”
“Well, I wasn’t ‘arrested’ formally. I was isolated for a long time. The head doctors, the psychiatrists, had to work me through all of my guilt and trauma. That took a couple of years. But even after they declared me ‘sane’ they still forbade me any contact with any of the survivors. They were afraid I’d have a ‘relapse’.” I say bitterly. “You have no idea how much I wanted to reach out to you all. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I-,” it was then that the door dinged open, and we were facing a lobby full of ponies, who were glancing at the express elevator in curiosity. I shut my muzzle as we quietly made our way to the front doors. There I tried again. “Mercy, could I... could we see each other again sometime?” I asked, as I fished out one of my business cards, and held it out to her.
“I’d like that,” she says, smiling at me as she reaches for it with a shiny brass claw, and deftly takes it from my hoof. “Give me a few nights until my next night off. I’ll be in touch.” She says.
“I look forward to it,” I say before the doors close between us. As I turn to face the street, I see Moonlight looking at me.
“Well, that was certainly interesting.” She says, gesturing at the retreating form of my former classmate. Did I detect resentment in her tone? “Accidents, cover ups, I’d very much like to hear the rest of the story between you two,” she says.
I was about to speak, when I noticed a steam bus pulling around the block. “Let’s find us a seat first. Then I’ll tell you as much as I’m able,” I reply.
It didn’t take us long to get settled in the bus. At this time of night, between shifts, it was practically empty, so privacy was not an issue. I tried to organize my thoughts. I was obviously going to have to tell Moonlight something, but by no means did I intend to relive ALL the events of that day, so very long ago, when the course of my life changed forever. We were partners, at least for now, bu there were things I considered too personal to share with somepony I barely knew. And besides, my main focus was on the brief conversation I just had with Dr. Brass, and all the things he told me unawares. These were the things I needed to discuss with agent Shadow, NOT the mistakes of my past. Still, my encounter with Mercy left me no choice. I would have to tell her enough to satisfy her curiosity, or else, knowing her, she would go digging on her own.
“This isn’t easy for me to talk about,” I say, trying to ease into it. “Forgive me if I don’t go into too much detail. These things are in no way related to our case, and they are personal, and painful.”
She nods to me encouragingly.
“It was years ago, back when I was still a student at Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns. I was in the advanced magical applications class along with Mercy, Twilight, and most of my school friends. Back then Twilight and I had a thing going between us. Part of that was a friendly rivalry in our school work. She was always just a hair better than I was at magical theory, and I was just a shade better at application. We were in class that day, learning to use healing magic to repair wounds and burns.
Several patients from Canterlot General Hospital had volunteered to allow us to treat their minor wounds. It was a common practice back then, and the patients were well compensated. Trained medical ponies were always on hoof to make sure everything went as it was supposed to. This usually involved a doctor or a nurse being linked to the students mind, guiding them in the use of their magic to ensure that the student properly learned the techniques being used.
Twilight had already finished treating a pony who had lacerated her foreleg, and she finished the procedure flawlessly. She gave me a smirk as we passed each other, as I moved up to the dais and the next patient in line. He too had a minor laceration where he had a butcher knife slip and cut a long shallow gash down his leg. All I had to do was heal it. A simple enough spell.
But what none of us knew that day was that the nurse I was linked with was... damaged.”
“Damaged?” Moonlight said uncomprehendingly. “What do you mean by that?”
“Her mind... it was damaged. They later found out that she had been stealing various drugs from the hospital. She had been abusing them and they had been slowly deteriorating the control centers of her brain. Apparently she was prone to random seizures and fits, and had been hiding the effects of her drug use for months. Of course none of us knew any of this until much, much later.
What happened next was... well, I don’t have words for it, but I’ll tell you what I remember first, and then what I was later told. I had begun the healing spell, or rather the nurse had begun it with my magic through her link. I was more or less a passenger, learning the spell as my magic was casting it. Then suddenly I felt a tidal wave of force slam though the link into my mind. Suddenly the thin trickle of magic emitting from my horn became a flood as raw magic forced itself out of me in an explosion of power.
I blacked out for just a moment as the link burned itself out. When I opened my eyes, I rose weakly to my hooves. There were only two small areas of the entire room not covered in blood and gore. The area where I stood, and the one around Twilight Sparkle. To this day I am amazed at how powerful she was.
She had less than a second of time to erect a shield, but she did it. And she saved the lives of the four other students that were close enough for her to shield as well. But the look on her face as she stared at me. That look. Oh Goddess, that look of revulsion and horror. At the time I was still in shock. I looked around at the rest of the room. It was a charnal house. Pieces of ponies everywhere. And blood, so much blood. But not a drop on me. No, not one drop. My hooves were clean.
And that’s what Celestia declared weeks later after the investigation was concluded. My hooves were clean. The blame fell squarely on the shoulders of that nurse, who eventually confessed her drug abuse. So I was in the clear right? Not my fault right? So I suppose that’s why I was separated from the rest of the survivors, and not allowed to contact them anymore. That’s why Twilight never spoke to me again, and I lost my best friend and first love. That’s why I was taken out of school. Y’know, because that’s what you do to an INNOCENT pony, right?” I say bitterly.
“My name, my REAL name, was stricken form the school’s records. I’ve had several since then. But only a hoofful of ponies even remember who I was. Twilight does...” I trail off.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Moonlight says, taking hold of my hoof. “No pony that knows anything about magic could blame you for that.”
“No pony? Really? Well tell that to the freakin element of magic! Tell that to her! Because SHE still seems to think I am a horrible MONSTER. A slayer of the innocent! You get Twilight Sparkle to come into my office and tell me that I’m innocent, and THEN...THEN I’ll believe you.” I say, nearly shouting at this point as I jerk my hoof away.
“And this is why, at the restaurant...” she says, trying to change the subject, instead of lashing out at me in return.
“Yes,” I say more quietly. “That’s why I froze. That’s why I never tried to learn any more healing magic. I just stayed with what I was good at. I told you before, I’m a ‘render’, not a ‘mender’.”
The remainder of the bus ride was spent in silence. Once or twice Moonlight looked as if she were about to speak, but each time the words died before leaving her muzzle.
When were arrived back at my building we made our way quickly into my office. I greeted Ori as we came in, she was sitting behind her desk, not even pretending to work as she polished her hooves. I allowed an evil grin to cross my muzzle as I made to smear her freshly coated hoof that was resting on her desk. Without missing a beat she reached her right foreleg under the desk and pulled out ‘Betty’ her Ponyville Slugger hoofball bat. And laid it across her lap, a grin of her own emerging. My hoof retreated quickly.
“Hold all my calls Ori,” I said, trying to sound professional as Moonlight and I entered my office.
“I’ll do my best to fend off the continuous onslaught,” Ori quips back sarcastically, causing Moonlight to giggle out loud.
I just shake my head, as I settle into my new, stink free, office chair, and gesture for Moonlight to take my old one.
“Why does this one smell of stale cider?” She asks me, grinning all the while.
“Special scent. I have the cleaners spray it on all of my furniture. Reminds me of home.” I fire back deadpan.
“You’re home was in a barrel of rotten apples?” She says, equally sober faced. “Well, that certainly explains a lot.”
“You ain’t kidding!” Ori adds from the outer office.
“Aww, stifle it!” I say in mock irritation. To be honest I’m secretly glad that the mood had lightened. Maybe now we could focus on the case, and I could drop all of my ancient and bloody baggage.
“Well,” Moonlight says in a more professional tone of voice. “What did you think of Night Industries, and our illustrious Dr. Brass?”
“Freeow!” I say honestly. “Color me impressed! Luna has done some incredible things there. I can hardly wait until that tech becomes available to use. I need to remember to see if I can get two sets, one for here and one for my apartment. As for Dr. Brass, he was as exceptional as I was led to believe, but at the same time unexpectedly...well... mortal.”
“Well, of course he is mortal. He isn’t an alicorn, or a spirit, but I don’t think that is what you’re getting at, mortal in what way?” Moonlight inquires.
“Ah Moonlight, you’re forgetting why we went to see him in the first place. To find our his connection to Babs Seed.”
“And it seems to be a dead end, he was simply trying to offer her a job. Just what I would expect from a pony as generous as Dr. Brass.” Moonlight says, nearly reverently.
“A job?” I say, chuckling to myself. “Oh my poor naive Moonlight,” I add, shaking my head.
“Naive? In what way?” She asks confused.
“Oh you sweet, and innocent girl,” I say patting her head. “He was offering her a job, because he was interested in her. And by that I mean romantically. You know, when a boy pony and a girl pony-”
“I understand the word ‘romantically’,” she says swatting my hoof away. “But what makes you think a pony as upstanding as Dr. Brass would use his position to pick up a waitress in a restaurant?” she adds in irritation.
“{Sigh,} Oh Moonlight didn’t you notice how his behavior changed when he was speaking about her? How regretful he sounded at not being able to ‘get to know her better’. For that matter didn’t you notice how his voice softened when he was speaking to YOU? Sheesh, for an agent you seem remarkably clueless,” I say sitting back and crossing my hooves, a self satisfied grin splayed across my muzzle.
“WHAT?!?” She explodes. “He... I... what?!?” her face goes red in embarrassment.
“By the goddess, you really DIDN’T know!” I say, somewhat surprised myself.
“Y- you are mistaken,” she finally replies. “Dr. Brass is like a brother to m-to us... the city, to the city. He doesn’t have those kinds of feelings.”
“Moonlight,” I say more gently. “He’s a mortal pony just like you and me.” She flinches at my words. “He has normal pony feelings just like any of us. It’s not a sin. If anything it means that he’s in the clear as far as I’m concerned. That means we have to move on to our next lead.”
“We have another lead?” Moonlight asks, as she regains her composure.
“We still have several. I’m merely taking them in order of importance.” I open my desk and take out the folder Luna gave me. I pull out the list of Babs coworkers and friends and pass it to Moonlight. I point to a name on the list. “Does that name look familiar to you at all?” I ask.
She looks at the name and her eyes go wide. “Oh goddess. Her?!? And I suppose that’s who we are going to see next?”
“Yup,” I reply cheerfully. I’m not surprised that Moonlight knew that name. There are a hoofful of ponies that everyone in Whinnyappleous knows of, if only by reputation. Luna is one, Dr. Brass is another. Both are well respected members of the community. On the other side of the equation are ponies like ‘The Butcher’, whose names are whispered about in infamy. Ah, but then there are those that straddle the line. (Heh, straddle...) And the most notable of those names is Cherry Tart. The most famous ‘pony of the evening’, in a city of ONLY evenings.
Moonlight looks at me distastefully. “Must we really go speak to this... this..”
“Escort? Hooker? Prostitute? Princess of Pango Pango?” I finish for her, as her face goes redder and redder. “And yes, we must.” Then a sly thought occurs to me. “On the other hoof, you could just stay here with Ori, if it makes you uncomfortable. I am more than capable of giving Miss Tart a thorough investigation on my own. Yes, the more I think about it, an in depth interview with her will, I’m sure, meet with pleasing results.”
Moonlight is already out of her seat, her face is as red as an autumn sunset. She scowls at me in obvious irritation. “Let’s just get this over with!” She says.
I smile at her retreating form. This promises to be the most fun I’ve had all week.
Chapter Nine
You Don’t Have to Put on the Red Light...
We hailed a steam cab, and Moonlight looked away red faced and embarrassed as I told the cabbie our destination.
“Did we HAVE to take a cab?” She whispered harshly to me.
“Yes we did.” I whispered back, “The public bus lines don’t run into that part of town. It makes me think that Luna feels the same way as you do about our ‘red light’ district. Either that or she would go broke from all the free transportation there and back ponies would be making all night long.” I add in amusement.
If Moonlight blushed much more I believe it might become permanent. She seems to have a real problem with the idea of ponies paying for ‘companionship’.
Personally I file it under the ‘live and let live’, part of my mind, right next to the part that says ‘if they aren’t hurting anyone, it’s none of my business’. It’s a dark city. A permanently dark city. A pony alone in the daytime will find all kinds of way to distract themselves. A pony alone in the night, every night, when even their ‘days’ are nights? You get lonely. A lot.
I myself live alone. But I’m seldom lonely. There are too many things to do, and not enough hours in the night to do them. My spare time is usually always full. But there are those rare occasions when I have nothing to do for an evening. These times can be pretty bad. Maybe you try to read, you listen to the ponaudio, you putter around doing all the chores you put off because they never actually HAVE to be done. And then, inevitably, you are caught up, and you sit there, alone, and think. The ‘Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul’ {shudder}. So yeah, I can easily understand why, at that point, a pony would plunk down his hard earned bits to spend an hour or two in the warm embrace of somepony else who will allow him to forget the ‘cold and empty dark’ for a time.
“Ah, it seems we are almost there.” I say, giving Moonlight a nudge.
Less than a block up ahead everything changes. A straight line of bright lights cuts directly across the upcoming road before us. On one side (the one we are currently on), the normal city streets and buildings with their neat and orderly constructions and billboards. Small pools of light from the street lights provide the only illumination. Ah, but looming up before us...
Suddenly we are through, and on the other side. I wince and shade my eyes, as I always do when I first arrive on this side of town. The few rare times I’ve had to teleport here, I’ve had to wear my old sunglasses from outside, or risk going glare blind.
Gradually my eyes begin to adjust. Beside me Moonlight seems to be recovering as well. Since I’ve been here before, I watch her face and all the expressions and emotions that play across it. First of course, is wide eyed shock. Every single individual building in the red light district has their own display of lights and colors, no two EVER repeating. Each one trying desperately to be the one to capture any potential customers that enter this part of town.
I watch as Moonlight’s expression goes from shock to amazement. Not only are there lights, but the architecture of many of the buildings has also been altered. The more tasteful ones resemble famous places and structures from across Equestria. The less tasteful ones resemble various parts of (mostly female), anatomy. The funny part, to me at least, is that pretty much anything goes. So let’s says you just plunked down a hefty sum to have your two story building made over to look like Celestia’s castle. Very tasteful little fantasy. Ah, but then your neighbor has his building redesigned to resemble Celestia’s plot. A somewhat less tasteful choice. Put them side by side? Pure hilarity. Architects in this part of the city must make a mint, what with all the constantly changing styles. All paid for of course by those beings that are only seeking somepony to love, if only for a brief time.
Finally Moonlight manages to speak.
“It looks like something Discord threw up.” She says, never taking her eyes off of the ever changing styles of buildings. “How can there be so MANY places for... um, the same thing.” She asks, not wanting to say what that ‘thing’ was.
“Well, for starters, it’s not really the same ‘thing’.” I say. “Only the first twenty or so we passed at the edge of the district are, what you might call, ‘general practitioners’. Most of the upscale places are specialty shops. Each one has their own theme, and all of the beings that work their tend to live their role.” I say, pointing out at a cement building that has been redone to resemble a Saddle Arabian tent. The name above the main entrance emblazoned in a hot pink neon reads ‘The Sultan’s Harem’. “That place for example, probably has some elaborate fantasy scenario about the customer having his way with the harem of the sultan of Saddle Arabia. I’m sure that there are Bactrians, and Dromedaries as part of their staff to make the experience more ‘authentic’.
She pulls a face before recovering.
“I am aware that some ponies have um, ‘relations’ outside of their species. But it’s never been anything I personally have ever had any interest in.” She says, trying to process all the different types of architecture we are passing while this new thought plays across her mind.
It doesn’t help that half of the names clamoring for her attention are basically bad jokes. We pass the ‘Dog Pound’, and she gives a little shudder, the ‘Shepard’s Crook’, and she just shakes her head, then a sci-fi themed building where the designer thought it would be a good idea to have what looked like several different vehicles (and I use the term loosely), crashing into it from all angles, ‘Time Traveler’s Strictly Cash’. I counted two different upright boxes of some sort, a sleek looking metal steam car, a beautiful representation in brass of H.G. Welara’s ‘Time Machine’, and what looks like a huge red metal bone with the words ‘Crimson Dwarf’ in white stencil on its side. At this, Moonlight just cracks up.
“Oh those poor poor ponies that have to work there!” She exclaims between laughs.
“Hey, any pony, or other being, working there are doing so by choice. Every last one of them are probably sci-fi fans. After all, if you don’t enjoy your ‘part’, you won’t be able to pull it off convincingly.” I say, as my own attention is drawn to a squat black building with none of the fancy lighting surrounding it. I just make out the name as we speed by, the ‘Shadow Conspiracy’. Ah, that might be worth remembering...
“Hey,” Moonlight says, not so lightly punching my shoulder. “Mind on the job, mister.”
“Says the pony who looks like she’s going to her first carnival.” I retort, causing the redness to return to her cheeks.
“Look, I just want to get there, take care of this business with Miss Tart, and get out as quickly as possible.” She says in irritation.
“Well, some ponies are like that, in and out as quickly as you can, no time for pillow talk... seems a bit cold if you ask me though,” I say, earning a much harder punch.
“Look Johnny, this will all go much easier if we can just skip your innuendo.” She snarks.
“Right. Gotcha. No ‘in-your-end-oh !’, you can count on me.” I say adopting a perfectly blank muzzle.
Before she can start an all out brawl the cab pulls up in front of our destination. We step out and I pay the cabbie, and then I trot up beside Moonlight and together we look at the spectacle before us. Out of all the grand and gaudy buildings we have passed, this is by far, the grandest and the gaudiest. What would normally be an imposing looking three story edifice, complete with towers at each of the four corners, and beautiful flying buttresses (it’s architecture, remove thy mind form the gutter{sheesh}, some ponies), instead now looked like something off of that ponvideo viewer we saw back at Night Industries. But instead of a screen, the entire outer facade of the building changed every minute or so, displaying just about every erotic enticement I have ever heard of, and several I most definitely have not.
On top of the building, in huge blue neon letters was the name, ‘House of Dreams’. By the sky stallion, if just the building was this impressive, Cherry Tart must be one of the wealthiest ponies in Whinnyappelous.
“This is...” Moonlight begins, but trails off at a loss for words.
“Incredible? Amazing? Spectacular?” I prompt.
“Scandalous!” She finally says. “To use one’s architecture to put on such a shameful display.” She says gesturing at the building in question wildly with her hoof. “Look, just look at that one. What can she possibly intend to do with a jar of mayonnaise and a garden rake?” A moment later we found out. “Oh by the goddess! Burn it with fire!” She says looking down at the cobblestones under her hooves. “I cannot unsee that.” She says rubbing the bridge of her nose with her hoof. “Just guide me inside, I don’t intend to glace upwards until we are through the front door.”
I do as she asked, all the while thinking that of the outer walls were like this, then I can only imagine what we were likely to see INSIDE the building, but once inside it was I that was in for a shock.
The lobby we trotted into looked like the inside of a five star hotel. Tasteful furniture, a fountain, an open bar, plenty of comfortable seating, and carpet so plush my hooves had already fallen in love and were filing separation papers.
For a moment I thought that Moonlight had teleported us into another building out of sheer embarrassment. We trotted up to the counter, which did look exactly like that of a five star hotel. It was then that Moonlight stopped moving, staring at the receptionist. It was Luna.
“W-what?” She stammered.
“Hello,” She said, smiling warmly. “And welcome to the House of Dreams. Judging by your companion’s reaction, I assume that this is your first visit. I can assure you that it won’t be your last.
Here at the House of Dreams, we specialize in ‘you’. Anything you can imagine, any secret fantasy deep within your heart, any dream you always yearned to be real, we here can, and will, provide. If you’ll just take a moment to fill out this questionnaire, and health information, one of our specialists will be with shortly to discuss the details of your dream come true.” She says, proffering a rather lengthy questionnaire, which I take out of reflex.
Much as I want to inquire further, I reluctantly remind myself that I have a job to do first. Almost regretfully I pull out my ID, and Luna’s writ, and I present them to... well... Luna.
“As much as I really want to take you up on your offer, both my companion and myself are her on business for the crown. We need to speak to Miss Cherry Tart as soon as possible.”
‘Luna’ examines the proffered documents, her eyes going wide.
“A-are we in trouble?” she asks, her voice beginning to rise. “I told them that posing as Luna was going too far, but they insisted. I mean I always did a much better Twilight.” She says as her form blurs, and before us now stands Twilight Sparkle.
“Changeling.” Both Moonlight and myself say simultaneously.
Oh sweet Zacherle, out of all the ponies she could turn into, she just had to pick Twilight... And she was right, she was perfect in every detail. The hair, those eyes. Eyes that were looking at me imploringly, and not filled with hate or revulsion. It made my heart hurt.
“Please, could you become somepony else?” I asked, “anypony else?”
Her shape blurs, and now I am facing myself. I see that face in the mirror enough to recognize it, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen it eyes wide in fear before.
“Please mister, I was just trying to make a living, they told me it was fine-” she says desperately, before I cut her off.
“Just calm down... um... lady?” I say, raising a hoof. “Nobodies in trouble. We aren’t here for anything like that. We just need to speak to Miss Tart about a friend of hers. To my knowledge, it has nothing to do with your... ‘business’.”
She let’s out a deep breath. “Whew, gotta admit, you had me a bit worried there. I’m sorry, I’m fresh out of the hive, still getting used to all the rules. I’ll go speak to Miss Tart right now. Please, make yourselves at home, have a drink, or something from the buffet, I’ll be back as quick as I can.” She says before hurrying off.
I notice Moonlight staring at her retreating figure, still clad in my body. “See anything you like?” I ask deadpan.
“Well Johnny, I hate to see you leave, but I do like watching you trot away.” She says with a smirk.
It was my turn to become red faced. “R-really now? Did that just come out of Miss Modesty?” I say, trying to cover my blush.
“This place must be getting to me.” She mutters back. “Let’s go find us a drink, I suddenly feel that I need one... possibly two.”
“Agreed. Although I should probably stop at one, I’m already seeing double.” This earns me yet another smack from Miss Shadow...
Chapter Ten
Say you... say me...
I was nursing my second Maretini when our skittish receptionist returned, still clad in my form.
“Miss Tart has been informed of who you are, she said to bring you to her office right away.” I informed myself, with eager looking eyes.
I let loose an involuntary laugh. Unsurprisingly Moonlight was also chuckling.
The receptionist looked at us in confusion. “What? What did I say?”
“Oh my dear, it wasn’t WHAT you said, it was the way that you said it.” Moonlight said, fighting back tears. “Oh Johnny, so fresh faced and eager to please.” She said, before cracking up again.
“Oh... I see.” The receptionist replied, understanding beginning to dawn. “I-I still have a lot to learn. I guess that’s why they only let me work the front desk. {Sigh}, I try and I try, but I’ll never get this whole ‘pony’ thing down pat.” She says, making her version of my face look downcast and despondent.
“Hey now,” I say quickly. “None of that, you keep frowning like that and you’ll give me wrinkles.” I say lifting her/my chin with a hoof. “You’re doing an excellent job of being me. In fact that’s why we found it so funny.”
“Huh?” she replies in confusion, “what do you mean?”
“Well, Moonlight is seeing emotions that I have never expressed in front of her before. As for myself, I’ve never had the opportunity to see myself in action before. I find it QUITE entertaining.” I assure the young changeling.
This immediately perks my other self up, and she begins chatting away as she leads us to the elevator. Instead of going up however, she presses the button marked B4, and the elevator quickly begins to descend.
“So, um... Miss? Sorry, I never got your name, why exactly were you so despondent about working the front desk?” Moonlight asks, making small talk. “I would have thought that to have been preferable to... um, the ‘other’ duties this establishment would have you do.”
“Ah, well my hive designation is B-8-T-E, which stands for ‘Base level eight trainee, for equines’. But the boss calls me ‘Betty’. As for those ‘other’ duties Miss Moonlight, that’s where all the really GOOD food comes from. All drones do there very best to qualify for the ‘personal service department’.” My other self says earnestly.
“Base level eight trainee for equines.” I repeat aloud. “I surmise that base level eight has something to do with your body type, and perhaps personality? Trainee speaks for itself, but am I given to understand that there are different drone types... uh... ‘trained’, for different races?” I ask.
“Correct in all regards Mr. Detective.” She responds cheerily, smiling with my face in a way that makes me want to laugh all over again. “Base level eight, translating as best, I can basically means petite, perky, sensitive and sweet. Luna was at the upper limit of my body mass limit. So she was quite a stretch for me. Not to mention maintaining the proper attitude. But it’s all on the job training. Once I pass my final exams they’ll move me to my own den, and only give me customers suited to my type.”
“Your ‘type’,” I repeat. “But I always thought a changeling could match anyone, change into anypony.” I say rubbing my chin. A move that our host duplicates much to Moonlight’s amusement.
“Oh, outer appearances we can all generally match, as long as the size isn’t too large or small. But maintaining the proper personality, now THAT can be difficult. Especially if it’s somepony the other pony knows well. That’s why I would be a terrible choice to mimic say... Sombra, for example. I tend to smile too much, and it’s hard for me not to be sweet and sympathetic. That would totally ruin a pony’s Sombra dominance fantasy.” She says earnestly once more.
“Betty, I don’t know about any pony else, but I would pay a weeks worth of bits just to come here and have you say ‘Sombra dominance fantasy’ while looking like Johnny over there.” Moonlight says gesturing at me with a free hoof. As they both share a laugh at my expense.
“Har de har har...” I retort, “and it’s ever so much MORE amusing seeing me laugh at myself.” I add.
Before either one of them can respond the elevator ding’s and the doors open. Both Moonlight and myself take an involuntary step back. A move that has not been lost on my doppelganger.
“From your reaction, I’ll assume that this is the first time either of you have been inside a changeling hive.” She says, making my other face giggle. {Shudder}, okay, that’s disturbing. “Just follow me, and stay close, it’s easy to get lost down here if you don’t have the right scent receptors.” She says setting off at a trot.
We quickly catch up to her retreating form, all the while gazing at the walls and ceiling around us. Everything is composed of a green organic looking material. Actually, as our gazes took in more and more of the hive, it was more like every shade of green. From the bright luminescent green that provided our illumination, to the deep forest green as the materials thickened into the support of the walls. We passed dozens of round side tunnels that were scattered randomly into the walls, as we made our way deeper and deeper into the hive. Finally after a dozen twists and turns we found ourselves facing a beautiful mahogany door set into the wall before us.
“Miss Tart is waiting for you inside. Don’t worry. I’ll be right outside to escort you back whenever you are finished with your meeting.” My other self says, as she opens the door and steps back.
Giving her a smile of thanks I step inside, followed closely by Agent Shadow. The office of Miss Tart was in stark contrast to the one Dr. Brass has. No windows in this one for one thing. I suppose no one wanted a view of dirt and earthworms. For another, although both the desk and furniture ran toward the elegant, the mass of paperwork make it look more like the office of an overworked accountant than that of a madam. This was obviously a working office, make no mistake. And it looked like the pony we came to see was still in the middle of her work.
“What do you mean Tabitha is unavailable?” Miss Tart all but yells into her intercom. “She’s STILL getting smooze out of her mane? Well get Cynthia to cover for her. She’s also a C-5, and tell her to hurry up, Penny Pincher is a bad enough tipper anyway! Love may be enough for you girls, but I need bits to keep this place running!”
Cherry Tart finally turns to face us, and gestures for us to sit down.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, she forces a smile onto her muzzle and says “So, what can I do for YOU today?”
“Miss Tart,” I begin. “My name is Johnny Appleseed, and this is my associate, agent Moonlight Shadow.” I pull out my credentials as Moonlight pulls out hers, as well as the writ I have from Luna. We are conducting an investigation into the whereabouts of a missing pony. I’d appreciate anything that you could tell us about a pony named ‘Babs Seed’.” As I say her name I study her face intently. I get the exact type of reaction that I was expecting.
“WHAT! Babs is MISSING!” She exclaims, rising to her hooves. “Since when?” She demands,” How long ago?”
“Anywhere from one to two weeks at a guess.” I reply. “There was a formal investigation not too long ago, your name was on a list along with other ponies she was associated with. No one from the Night Watch has contacted you before now?” I ask, despite already suspecting that I knew what the reply would be.
“NO!” She fires back. “This is the first I’ve heard of any of this! Please, I knew she hasn’t been around lately, but she told me she’d be busy. She said she had made a big find, and that she might not be around for awhile, but she never would give me any details. I KNEW something was fishy. She always tells me everything. Please, tell me what’s going on. I’ll help you in any way I can!”
I rise from my chair, and step around to her side of the desk.
“You and her,” I say, my voice softening. “Were a couple.”
Moonlight gasps, as Cherry replies, “Yes. She was... IS... my special somepony.” Cherry says, her voice starting to break as she lowers her head into her hooves and rubs her temples.
“I thought so. She had a picture of the two of you together in her work locker. It was taken in a photo booth. I may not be a living example, but I know love when I see it.”
She reaches inside a drawer of her desk, and removes a photo. Wordlessly she passes it to me. I can tell it was taken at the same time as the one in Babs locker. From the looks of it, it was the next one of the line.
“That was the night... the night we told each other that we... that we...” She breaks off as tears start to fall down her cheeks.
Damn. Of all the memories I had to dredge up, it was the night of their confession. Way to go Johnny. Way to be a real horseshoe.
“Calm down, calm down Miss Tart. She hasn’t been missing for that long. And Luna herself has appointed Miss Shadow, just as Celestia has appointed me, to help find her. You have all the resources of the Canterlot royalty behind you. We WILL find your mare.” I declaim confidently.
Cherry looks up at me, as she tries to regain her composure. “S-sorry about that. it’s just... you hear things, about... about ponies that go missing.”
I immediately cut her off. “I know what you are about to refer to, and I can promise you that every magic at our disposal is telling us that that is NOT the case. Believe me, that was the first thing that the authorities checked, and they were VERY thorough.”
“Oh thank Luna!” Cherry says, relief flooding her voice. “We have Griffins and Diamond dogs, as well as human clients... some of the things we hear... {shudder}.”
I place a hoof on her shoulder, as Moonlight joins me on the other side of the desk.
“Miss Tart,” she says gently. “Please, I know it may be difficult. But we need to know everything you can tell us about Babs Seed.”
“O-of course.” She stammers, wiping her eyes.
“Well, I met her just a little less than a year ago. I had a dinner reservation with the former Queen, Chrysalis at La Carrousel, and she was running late. I spent a few minutes at my table indulging in my favorite hobby. Pony watching.”
“Pony watching?” Moonlight asks.
“Oh yes. I’d go to a park, or a mall, find a comfy seat, and just watch the daily antics of all the so called ‘normal’ ponies, as they go about their lives.” Cherry says, a grin briefly appearing on her muzzle.
“By ‘normal’ ponies, are you implying that you are a changeling as well, by any chance?” I ask. If so she’s far better than her receptionist. I never even considered her to be anything other than a pony. Just a gut feeling.
“Oh no, Mr. Appleseed. I can assure you, I’m one hundred percent pony.” She says in reply. “No, I just never considered myself to be all that ‘normal’ by common pony standards. Too much of a free spirit, too ‘out there’, as they say. So I’ll sit and watch as other ponies take their lives so very seriously. It just makes me want to shake my head y’know?
Well, anyway, I was sitting there, sipping my water, and I was watching this poor waitress, obviously new, being dressed down by a customer in Prench, who was complaining about his soup being cold. They were at the next table over, and I could see and hear everything.”
“Cold soup? At THAT fancy Prench restaurant?” I say incredulously.
“Oh wait until you hear the whole story.” She says, grinning once more.
“So apparently they where having some sort of ‘dishes from around the world’ promotion. And what that stuck up Prench pony had before him was clearly a bowl of Gazpacho soup. The Prench idiot obviously had no idea that Gazpacho soup is SUPPOSED to be served cold. And here he was, berating this poor waitress. I mean, not only was it NOT her fault, but it was obvious that she knew little to no Prench, and was having a great deal of trouble responding.
Well, just then I felt a tap on my shoulder and there at my table was this beautiful unicorn, whom I knew to be Chrysalis in the disguise that she always used when we went out. So I whisper in her ear an idea that just occurred to me. A moment later Prancois Hollande trots up to the table and, in expressive prench, demands to know who is being so rude as to disturb his meal.”
“P-Prancois Hollande?!?! Really? You had her impersonate the President of Prance?” I say, laughing despite myself.
“Oh yes. Chrysalis thought it was great fun. She doesn’t get to use her Prench accent very often. The reason for that, is that she does a terribly exaggerated prench accent. It was all I could do to hold back the laughter as she addressed that pompous bastard.”
Putting on her worst Prench accent Cherry intones, “Vous vous plaignez de quoi? Votre Gazpacho est froid? Vous crétin! Gazpacho soupe est censé être servi froid. Attention everypony! Voici le poney qui aime gaspacho chaud!”
“Bwahaha! Oh, that was beautiful. Being dressed down by the president of Prance, inside the most upscale Prench restaurant in Whinnyappleous. So, what did the customer do?” I inquire.
“Well, first he whips around all angry intent on telling off whoever is interrupting his rant. Then he sees the President of Prance, and he shuts up and stands there all wide eyed, and after being prompted once more explains his problem. Well, after Chrysalis gives him his tongue lashing he just falls into his seat in shocked embarrassment. Then Chryssi says “Vous êtes le plus grand embarras à la France depuis Hooflivier Giroud!” Well, that did it. After hearing him say THAT, the poor guy passes out right on the spot... into his bowl of soup!
So there the poor waitress is, her customer passed out, into his soup, and then the manager trots out and prepares to give her a tongue lashing of her own. But then Chryssi, still in her Hollande disguise, explains to him about the customer, and tells him that he has taken a shine to this waitress. Then she goes on about how what an excellent waitress she is, and how marvelous the food is, and how he will be recommending both to all of his colleagues when he returns to Prance. And by that point Babs pretty much has a job for life. So he/she asks the manager if it would be all right for the waitress to come dine with us, and of course it is, so he brings an extra chair over to our table, and Chryssi escorts the still confused Babs over to join us. See, the whole time Chryssi was talking to them, she was doing it in Prench, so Babs had NO IDEA what was going on the whole time!”
Both Moonlight and myself can’t help but to laugh as we imagine how bewildered poor Babs must have been!
“Oh that was one heck of a way to meet somepony,” I say. “So how did that all pan out?”
“Well, an extremely confused Babs sits down with us. Chryssi, still in her Hollande disguise orders a bottle of Ponier-Jouet, directly from the manager, who doesn’t even bat an eye before replying ‘Oui monsieur. Compliments de la maison, pour compenser cette canaille qui a perturbé votre repas.’ It was all I could do to keep my jaw from falling open, let me tell you.” Cherry says shaking her head at the memory.
“Freeow! No wonder. That stuff sells for fifty thousand bits a bottle! And he just GAVE it to you... And to think I saw Chrysalis on stage not too long ago.” I say shaking my head in wonder. “I should have talked her into taking me out to dinner.”
“Ah, well... I don’t know how to break it to you Johnny, but I doubt you’d be her type. I just don’t feel a lot of ‘love vibes’ coming off of you... no offense.” Cherry adds hastily.
“None taken,” I assure her in return. “And I guess you’d be right about that. Anyway, please continue,” I prompt her.
“Well, so after the manager leaves, I quickly explain what she missed out on. She takes a sharp intake of breath when I explain that the pony both the manager and the customer was in awe of was the President of Prance, but I quickly explain to her that the pony across from her is really Chrysalis, former queen of the changelings.
I won’t lie, I kinda expected her to freak out all over again. Most ponies still don’t want to be anywhere near a changeling, and we were talking about one of the most notorious changelings ever known. But instead, Babs goes all ‘fanpony’ on us, and starts asking Chryssi all kinds of questions. Heh, you’d think I had just introduced her to Mustang Bieber. Well Chryssi is lapping it up, she hasn’t had anypony fawn all over her in years. Not only that but it quickly became obvious that Babs had a good head on her shoulders. She was intelligent and witty, not stuck up at all, all three of us hit it off right from the start.
So, anyways, after dinner we exchanged info and started hanging out together. Hitting up bars, a lot of karaoke. Looking back I think that’s where Chryssi got her interest in becoming a singer. I mean you wouldn’t think fangs and a snake tongue were conducive to having a good set of pipes but she could really belt out a tune y’know? Between you and me I think she copies vocal cords on the sly... I’m just saying.
But anyway it was all going great, then after about three months Chryssi starts hanging out with us less and less. She’d always come up with these lame excuses. Finally I cornered her one night and just asked her point blank why she was avoiding us. She gets all red faced and embarrassed and finally admits to me that it was becoming a ‘conflict of interest’.
Well, I start to act like I don’t know what she’s talking about, but she’s having none of that. Since I forced her hoof she just tells me point blank, ‘you’re falling in love with her’. Well, now it’s MY turn to be hugely embarrassed, but before I can say anything, Chryssi adds, ‘and she’s falling in love with you too’.
Well, you can imagine, I was floored. I mean, I hadn’t even come to terms with having feelings for a mare. I mean, as a filly I was always into colts, and when I got older I was always on the hunt for stallions. I never even thought I could have those kinds of feelings for another female. But me and Chryssi were tight. She helped set me up my business. I mean this is still technically HER hive, I’m just sort of the manager. Point is, I knew I could trust her not to lie to me, so if she said I was really in love, and not some little crush, then I knew it was the real deal.
But remember, I also had just been given the second shock of my life, and that was knowing that the pony I loved loved me back. I just sat there for who knows how long. Chryssi sitting across from me, occasionally taking a deep breath of all the extra love I’m just pouring into the ether by the gallon.
Finally she says, ‘okay girl rein it in! By Celestia I’m going to be fat as a hippo if I hang around you while you’re like this’. Then we both put on these goofy grins, and she comes over and throws a hoof around my shoulder and gives me a big hug. I think we sat there for another hour, just kinda drunk on love. Though I admit the occasional belch from Chryssi almost killed the mood.”
Both Moonlight and I are grinning openly. She’s probably remember some old flame. Personally I was finding the mental image of Chryssi sitting on a couch, occasionally scratching herself, and then letting out a huge belch to be hilarious. (And If I’m being honest, somewhat sexy. What that says about myself, I don’t even wanna know.)
My thoughts are interrupted, as Cherry resumes her story.
“So after that Chryssi keeps badgering me to tell Babs how I feel. I didn’t know it at the time, but it came out later she was doing the same thing with Babs. But apparently we were both being stubborn as Equus mulus. This didn’t sit well with Chryssi, because in the first place, she could literally ‘see’ the love between us, so to her everything else was just wasting time. And in the second place, she just really wanted to see her two friends ‘get it on’.”
Moonlight looked at Cherry scandalized, while I just chuckled in amusement.
“Just think about it for a moment agent Shadow. She’s a changeling, to her it would basically mean having her two friends take her to an all you can eat buffet. I doubt she’d even pay attention to all of the ‘biological stuff’ that would be going on in the background.” I say, trying NOT to have a mental image of what that couch would look like at that point... and failing. What Cherry says next doesn’t help.
“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” She says. “Every pony has at least one ‘kink’ deep inside them. It just so happens that Chryssi is a terrible voyeur. As a matter of fact-”
“Okay, I’m going to stop you riiiight there.” I interrupt, before I develop a more ‘obvious’ interest in the story. “If you could Cherry, please focus on Babs for now.”
“Oh, right. Sorry. Well finally it got to a point where Chryssi took matters into her own hoof, and went to see each of us disguised as the other, and told us to meet the other at this big Hearts and Hooves Day event going on down town that Saturday second night. Now I should have suspected something from the start, but ‘Babs’ really seemed like she wanted us to go, and she said it would be the three of us, so I said to myself what the hay.
So of course when I get there, Babs was there by herself sitting on a bench. I sat down next to her and asked her if she had heard from Chryssi. She says no. About that time a bouquet of red and white carnations lands between us with a card attached. We look up and see Chryssi blowing us a kiss before flying off. Well, by that time we both have figured out that we’d been set up. I’m muttering something unprintable about changelings while I tear open the envelope and we both lean in together to read what’s on the card. It was pure white parchment paper, with four words on it in letters of gold. ‘GET ON WITH IT!’, was what it said.
Well, naturally we were both beyond embarrassed, so we kinda sat there for a bit, the silence becoming long and awkward. Finally, just to break the ice, I reach over and pull a carnation from the bouquet, and start nibbling on the petals. ‘Well,’ I say, ‘if nothing else Chryssi has good taste in flowers, and I WAS starving’. Well, that helped, so now Babs pulls one out and starts munching, and we sit there going back and forth until there was one left, I mean leave it to Chryssi to get an odd number of flowers in a bouquet right? So Babs, after hesitating a moment says ‘W-well, we could share the last one’. And she leans in and takes a nibble out of her side. So, well, I do the same, and the next thing you know we both go for a bite at the same time and our muzzles brush together.
We both pull back at the same time, eyes wide. Then Babs takes the stem from my hooves, and tosses it aside as she gives me this sly smile, then she starts leaning forward again, and somehow I find myself doing the same, and we both kinda sorta got all kissy for an eternity or two. Until we hear a voice from on high yell ‘YES!... FINALLY!’
And we’ve been seeing each other ever since. I thought at first she might have a problem with what I did for a living, but she was totally cool with it. If anything I was the one more often put out, what with her trips back and forth to Manehatten. She has this hobby see, archeology. She even knows the head of a museum. That’s actually the last word that I had from her. She went to Manehatten to see him, then a few days later I got a letter from her telling me she would be another week, that she was onto something big, the ‘find of a lifetime’ she said. And that was the last I heard from her. Or from anyone about her for that matter. I just assumed that she was still working on whatever it was that she was talking about. Then you two show up and tell me she’s missing.” Cherry finishes, the look of concern returning to her face.
“Can you think of anypony else she may have contacted besides yourself?” I ask.
“Just Chryssi, but she would usually just go through me to leave a message for her. What about her work, have you tried there? She replies.
“Ah, yes, we have.” I reply evasively, not wanting to give anything away. “They seem to have been under the impression that she had quit.” Which was technically true. The manager WAS about to clean out her locker, before it cleaned itself out in the most thorough way possible.
“No way. Babs would never quit that job. Ever since that day with me and Chryssi she had the manager eating out of her hoof. No way she would give up a gig that soft.” Cherry replies adamantly.
I was about to add something else, when all three of us were thrown violently from our hooves, as the whole floor shook, and dust from the ceiling rained down on us.
“What in Tartarus was that?” Cherry says, her eyes going wide. “Did we just have an earthquake?”
“Can’t be,” Moonlight replies. This is one of the most geologically stable cities in all of Equestria, it was one of the reasons that Luna chose it.”
Almost as if in direct contradiction of Moonlight’s statement, the floor and walls shook again. Not as bad as before, but this time we could all hear the muffled sound of something impacting on the ceiling.
Then I remembered, we were four floors underground. Oh Goddess, the building was collapsing.
“Quick, is there any other way out of here besides the elevator.” I say, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.
“There’s a service tunnel at the back that connects all the subfloors to the outside. Why, what’s going on.” Cherry asks in confusion.
“What’s going on is I think your building is collapsing.” I state. “We need to get everybody out that exit as quickly as possible.”
“No, no way, how could my building be collapsing. I used the best architect in all of Whinnyappleous, this building was guaranteed to stand for two hundred years.” Cherry states in disbelief.
Before I can reply, a loud grinding noise shudders its way through our hearing. Looking up we can see cracks start to appear in the ceiling. We didn’t have long.
Fortunately, that was all it took to convince Cherry, who pulled a fire alarm set into the wall of her office. The alarm claxon drowned out the sound of the ceiling cracking.
“How is that even working?” Moonlight asked. “For that matter if the building really is collapsing, how are the lights even on?”
"All my wiring was installed underground. I didn’t want the power poles cluttering up the view of my building.” Cherry replies, as we all hurry toward the rear stairwell.
When we got there, the hallway was packed with over fifty changelings, who were trying in vain to clear the doorway. We could tell as we approached that it was a lost cause. Huge chunks of rubble blocked it off, and a cloud of dust hung in the air.
Moonlight looked at me. “We could try to blast our way through.” She said, more as a question, than a statement of fact.
“Doubtful,” I say in response. “If I were to guess, I’d say we’d have three floors of rubble to get through. It’d be easier to tunnel through the wall, except I don’t think we’ll have time for either. I’d say all we can do is t-”
This time, I’m the one cut off by a much louder cracking sound. As I look up a jagged crack begins to run from the stairwell ceiling back down the hallway. As we look in horror, the ceiling slowly begins to sag.
“NO!” I shout, bracing all four legs and desperately start channeling magic up into the ceiling.
Buck me! This is seriously heavy. I won’t last long unless I cheat, but before I try that, I yell to Moonlight. “I’ll hold the ceiling, you teleport as many as you can at a time up to the surface. Go with them to make sure they are safe, then come back for the next load. Don’t worry, I got this!” I say, lying through my muzzle.
“Are you insane!” Moonlight yells back above the noise. “You can’t possibly hold up that many floors worth of debris, your skull will explode from trying. We need to get out now and take as many as we can with us.”
I only have moments before I need to start cheating, no time to pull punches. “Really?” I yell back harshly. “Fine then. Look around you and pick out who gets to live, and who dies. Go ahead… I’ll wait. Not like I’m doing anything here!”
Moonlight gives me a look of pure hate, as she turns toward Cherry, and the receptionist who still hasn’t given up looking like me. What she sees is over fifty very scared beings, some of them beginning to cry. She whips her head back around to face me. Her face still filled with rage.
“FINE!” She yells, in a voice worthy of Luna. But you damn sure better be holding up your end of the deal when I come back.”
I laugh weakly, “heh, hold up… good one Shadow. Now get the Hells out of here.”
Moonlight and Cherry quickly begin getting the swarm organized into groups of six, the maximum that Moonlight can teleport through that much debris. Finally freed of distractions, I could start up a very complex bit of last ditch magic.
Three of the runes embedded in my body begin to glow, as I start tapping reserves of power. Two of these three store up kinetic energy every time I move and store it for future use. I can convert the energy into magic, or use it to enhance my physical body. I start channel these reserves through my horn to help support the ceiling. I could tell, it wasn’t going to be enough.
Moonlight was only on her second load of changelings, and I had already used up twenty percent of my stored juice in the first rune. Some quick calculations let me know I was going to come up woefully short on energy from my two kinetic runes. And that was where the third rune came in.
How much do you know about anatomy? No, not the tab ‘A’ into slot ‘B’ part. I’m talking the interesting parts that we don’t ever think about because we don’t want to freak out every five minutes. Here’s a fun fact. We are only about ten percent ‘us’. The other ninety percent is made up of various parasites and symbionts that share our bodies with us.
Everything from the plants in our intestines,(five hundred different species of bacteria in our intestines alone,) that help us break down food, to the viruses and bug larva that we inhale every time we breathe. Each of us is basically a ‘colony’ animal. (I try to balance this with the fact that our bodies are also around forty percent stardust… so that’s kind of cool).
Reason I bring this up is, that as the landlord of this property I call Casa de Johnny, I’m about to call the rent due… All of it. As Moonlight comes back for another group of changelings I feel the first storage rune go dead, it’s energy depleted. As the second shoulders the load I begin to use the third rune to channel energy into the depleted one.
This energy is being stripped from basically every living thing inside my body, along with anything else that isn’t absolutely necessary to keep me alive. All the parasites go first, then, reluctantly most of the symbionts. I save a few cultures of intestinal plants and bacteria from my wrath, on the outside chance that I live though this. If I do, I probably would like to be able to eat again.
Down through my body from head to hoof I go, like a grim reaper, culling every source of energy I can. All the excess fat cells are drained dry, not a lot there, that’s what I get for staying in shape. Sweet Celestia, if I get out of this everything I eat for a week will be fried in vegetable oil… even the cake.
I notice Moonlight flash back and out again. I have no idea how far along she is. It’s taking all my concentration to hold up the ceiling and fill up my runes at the same time.
It doesn’t matter. Every minute I can hold out means that many more lives saved. That’s all that matters.
First rune is filled, and just in time, my second one is flickering. I switch the first back on and continue channeling power as I struggle to find something left to fill the second one with. My skin has already begun to sag. Between the loss of life forms and fat cells I’m looking pretty emaciated at this point. But I have to keep going.
Okay, what else? What do I have left to work with. I guess I can do without the musculature at this point. I ease myself into a sitting position and drain my muscles dry.
What else. Hmm, follicles aren’t necessary, really they are just cosmetic. I feel a chill draft, as I suddenly become a bit lighter. I don’t look down. I may sound glib inside my head, but I really don’t want to see all of my coat, mane, and tail, lying on the floor beneath me.
Behind me I hear someone gasp. I can only imagine what I must look like at this point. A skeleton covered in loose folds of skin. Skin that is being pulled downward by all the metal runes embedded in it, now visible for all the world to see. So many runes left untapped, but totally useless for holding up a ceiling. I really need to send Celestia a letter about that. Even my most powerful trick, my alpha rune would be totally useless right now. If only I could tap into the magic in them without using them.
Crap, the first rune is already sputtering. More of the floors above must have collapsed onto the pile adding more weight. As it goes out, I swap over to the second one again, it’s only got about a ten percent charge. Crap, won’t be long now. Moonlight winks back in and back out. One more group saved. See Johnny, isn’t that worth a little hair? Six more lives… yeah, that’s a fair trade.
Ah, the second rune has started to flicker. Guess this is it. Well, it’s been a good… well, it’s been an INTERESTING life. Only real regret was Twilight. I wish I could have somehow-
Suddenly Moonlight reappears, her body covered in dripping ichor.
“You look like crap,” I croak out, my voice thin and wheezy.
“Oh YOU are one to talk,” she says, scooping me up like a baby colt. “Time to go home Johnny,” are the last words I hear before blackness engulfs me.
Chapter Eleven
The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars...
I regained consciousness... or so I thought. I really wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see.
Why couldn’t I see? I hadn’t damaged my optic nerves during the ravaging of my system for energy. I couldn’t move either. But that could mane anything. I all but destroyed my muscle tissue, that much I remember. Oh Goddess, and my hair. I’m bald, completely bald, and all my runes are exposed. Funny that, I should feel cold, but I don’t. Actually I feel quite warm. Actually I felt good, really good. Oh crap, am I dead? Am I just a disembodied spirit? Is that why I can’t see, or move. Am I in some void without any reference points, and am just floating throughout eternity?
“Johnny.” A voice says out of the nothing. A very familiar sounding voice.
“Johnny.” Another voice says, this one also familiar. Ahh, the warmth seems to permeate my entire being. Are these the spirits of my family, here to guide me into the afterlife?
“Momma?” I tentatively ask the void.
“Bwahaha! Harken sister, he believes that you are his mother! Truly this explains much.” The other voice remarks.
“Obviously sister, that remark was in response to your voice. Most likely due to your stern and matronly demeanor.” The first voice replies.
Oh, Goddess. Now I recognize them. I’m not dead at all. Although being with both of them in the same room, I may soon wish I was.
“Celestia... Luna, why can’t I see you?” I manage to ask, my throat dry and cracking.
“Ah, he does know who we are. Be at ease Johnny. Your eyes are heavily covered so you wouldn’t be blinded by what is occurring.” The voice of Luna says. “My sister has been bathing you in her radiance she she arrived. She’s almost done restoring your body as best she is able. We should be able to remove your restraints and eye coverings within the hour. In the meantime, is there anything we can do? I’m sure you have questions.”
“Water please.” I beg. Moments later I feel something pushed against what I have to assume is my lips. I mimic the effort of opening them and feel the smooth surface of the small tube being pushed inside. I try to remember how to suck and swallow, and I must have been successful because I feel a cool wetness making its way inside me. It feels really good. I take my time and do it some more until I am almost nauseous, then I stop and try to speak again.
“What happened.” I ask simply. “Did everyone make it out? Where’s Moonlight?”
“Moonlight is currently busy on a special task I am having her perform,” the voice of Luna hurriedly informs me.
“As for the rest, I will tell you everything that she had put in my report. Starting with the fact that you, all by yourself, somehow managed to keep almost six floors of debris suspended above you and over fifty survivors, for nearly nine minutes.”
“Nine minutes?” I croak out. “It seemed like hours. Only nine minutes...” I say my voice drifting off.
“Only nine minutes!” Luna explodes. “You shouldn’t have been able to last even one! Sister, what have you been feeding this pony? If I didn’t know better I’d say you ripped the wings off an alicorn when my back was turned.”
“No sister,” Celestia replies, a hint of steel in her voice. “He’s all pony, with a side of mule thrown in. As for his diet, it must be all ‘stupid pills’ for him to try a damn fool stunt like that. By the sky stallion Johnny. Those runes were never meant to be used like this. You wrecked your body almost past the point of repair. If it wasn’t for Moonlight’s quick thinking in summoning us, you’d be very, very, dead right now.”
“But did we save them all?” I ask once more.
“Yes Johnny,” Luna replies. “Moonlight got them all out before she came back for you. But, there’s something you should know.”
I tense up, I could tell I wasn’t going to like whatever she was about to say.
“That last trip, before she came back for you,” Luna begins gently. There was a changeling, a receptionist, who was, at the time, wearing your form.”
“Betty,” I whisper.
“Moonlight got her out, along with Cherry and the last of the survivors. But when they arrived on the surface, somepony shot her. It was a head shot, and with a high caliber M.I.S.P.P.L. Betty’s head literally exploded. She’s gone Johnny,” Luna says in a grim tone.
I remember now. When Moonlight came back for me she was dripping in ichor...
“Did you find the killer?” I ask.
“No Johnny. Moonlight could tell the direction that the shot was fired from, but she had a choice to make. Try to capture the shooter, or save you. Speaking for both her and myself, and my sister as well, she made the right choice.” Luna says in a tone that brooks no argument.
“The shooter thought Betty was me,” I say. “I’m guessing Moonlight didn’t teleport me outside then.”
“No, she took you both directly to your office. Then Ori contacted Celestia, while Moonlight summoned me. I sent her back to secure the crime scene and then I tried to stabilize you until my sister arrived.” Luna explained.
“This means that the killer probably thinks I am dead. After seeing what he thought was my head explode, I’m sure he got out of there as fast as he could. He wouldn’t have stayed around the length of time it took for Betty to revert to her normal form. Wait! By Zacherle just wait!” I shout, as what happened finally sinks in. Was that whole thing... did they destroy that entire building... just to try and kill me?” I ask horrified.
“No Johnny,” Celestia says gently. “After reading your reports, I think the main objective was for whoever it was, to keep Cherry from giving you any information about Babs. The killer, seeing both of you at the same time, most likely decided that killing you would be like cutting the head off of the snake. You were most likely a target of opportunity.”
“Meaning if poor Betty hadn’t been looking like me, then Cherry would have been the target.” I say bitterly.
“Most likely.” Luna says.
I tired to hold it together in front of the boss, but inside I was rapidly filling up with a combination of sorrow and rage. Betty had said it herself, she was fresh from the hive. She was young and eager, her whole life ahead of her. Hell’s I didn’t even know what she really looked like. Now I never would.
Luna had been speaking while I had been wrestling with these thoughts. Not even knowing what was being said, I interrupt her anyway.
“How many dead.” I ask in a flat tone.
“Eleven ponies, three diamond dogs, four griffins, two zebras, a dromedary, and twenty-six changelings.” Celestia says, reading off the tally.
“Forty-seven PEOPLE,” Luna clarifies, with an icy undertone.
“And Betty,” I add bitterly.
“And Betty,” Celestia agrees. “I know what that tone of voice is implying Johnny. This was NOT your fault.”
“How can it NOT be?” I ask in exasperation. “She looked exactly like me, that was why she died!”
“Did you force her to look like that? Did you tell her to specifically mimic YOUR appearance?” Celestia asks sternly.
I hesitate, “well no, but-”
“No buts,” she says, cutting me off. “And her death isn’t due to her choice of figures, it was due to the son of bitch that bombed a building and shot an innocent person in the head! If you want someone to focus your anger and frustration on, focus it on them!” Celestia finishes in a near rage.
“Calm yourself sister,” Luna admonishes, “or else you’ll have to add sunburn to the list of Johnny’s injuries.”
“Oh sister, believe me, this IS calm.” My boss says, sounding anything but. “If this wasn’t your sovereign demises, I would raze every den of inequity with solar fire until they gave up those responsible, then I would banish them to the sun. THAT is how I cleanse the impurities from the guilty.” She says vehemently.
“Sister, your righteous indignation does you justice, but please allow me to handle this in my own way. It will do me no favors to have my big sister having to come in and take care of my city’s problems.” Luna admonishes gently.
“I know Lulu,” Celestia replies in a calmer tone, “and I would never overstep my bounds in front of the rest of the gentry, that would weaken both our positions. “I just... well... Johnny...”
I try to head of where this is going. “Isn’t it about time to get these coverings off of my eyes?” I ask.
“Y-yes. Of course. You should be healed enough that I can dim down the radiance to tolerable levels. By all means, let’s get those off.” The boss says, regaining her composure.
The bandages and restraints are quickly removed, as Celestia dials back on her healing solar rays. I’d never admit it, but I think I will really miss it. It was like floating all warm and safe in a place free of pain and filled with love. Must be what the womb was like, I’d imagine.
I wince slightly as the last of the bandages are removed from my eyes. Then blink several times as the fuzzy blobs of two alicorns slowly come into focus.
I must have still been feeling the intoxicating effects of Celestia’s healing magic, because before I can think better of it I say, “wow, I keep forgetting just how beautiful you two are...”
Celestia’s magic winks off as both mares turn their heads and blush involuntarily.
“Sister, whatever you are doing, keep it up,” Luna says mischievously. “I believe among other things you have healed his tongue and turned it silver.”
“Oh no sister,” Celestia replies. “That’s Johnny’s default setting. It’s one of the reasons I keep him stationed as far from Canterlot as possible. Otherwise I’d be up to my horn in little Johnnys and Jeneane’s from all of the noblemares that used to follow him around.”
I offer a small grin in reply, as I try to sit up enough to asses the damage. Luna and Celestia are both quickly by my sides, one holding up my head while the other props up a pillow behind it. Wow, talk about the ‘royal’ treatment. A pony could get used to this.
Well, that was the thought I started to think until I looked down and saw the price I had paid for my luxury. All I can say is, at least I looked better than I must have when they dragged me in. My skin was no longer hanging in folds. Celestia’s magic replenishing the lost tissue and muscle. My coat was still struggling to regrow, my runes still somewhat visible. My mane and tail were still gone. I could use an illusion to cover this up, as well as my runes if I needed to, but dang it, I miss my hair. I mean I’ve seen ponies that shaved their heads before, but it just looks so unnatural on me... Still, at this point the last thing I should be worrying about is my hair. I’m lucky to be alive. I need to be more thankful. Speaking of which...
“Luna, I can’t thank you enough for keeping me together and getting the boss here so quickly. You saved my life, and I will always be grateful.” I say sincerely, causing Luna to blush once more.
“I-indeed, sister,” Luna stammers. “You spoke truth when you said that this one was a charmer. Now if you’ll both excuse me, I have several matters that need attending to back at the palace. This is, of course, just my excuse to let the two of you have some time to catch up by yourselves, without having to censure yourselves in my presence.” She says, giving us both a broad wink before teleporting away.
As soon as she’s gone I begin to raise my hooves, but before I can say anything Celestia cuts me off.
“Wait for it...” She says.
We sit quietly for a few moments before Luna suddenly reappears, looking expectantly in my direction. Seeing me just sitting there quietly, I notice a look of disappointment cross her face before being quickly concealed.
“Ah, I seem to have misplaced my agenda,” She says quickly. “I thought I might’ve left it here. Oh well, obviously not. Sorry for the interruption.” She says before teleporting out again.
I begin to raise my hooves once more, but I stop myself seeing Celestia hold one up of her own.
“Wait for it...” she says once more.
Sure enough, a few moments later, Luna once again appears, still looking expectantly at me.
“Lose something else sister?” Celestia asks sardonically.
“Oh, I um, seemed to have misplaced my... tiara?” Luna finishes lamely.
“It’s on your head sister.” Celestia says in an even tone. “Lucky for you I found it, so that you can take care of all those ‘royal duties’ you need to be attending to.”
“Ah, yes... Thank you sister. Dear me, how my mind is wandering today. Well then, I’ll just be going...” Luna says, vanishing once more.
I look over at my boss, and raise one half grown eyebrow questioningly. This time she nods and smiles.
I smile in return, as I raise both hooves invitingly to my boss, my mentor, and so much more. The solar princess wastes no time in coming to my side and pulling me close.
“Johnny, you stupid, stupid, pony.” She admonishes, right in my ear. “Why do you keep doing things that make me worry about you?” She says, nuzzling my cheek.
“Well, your skin is so smooth,” I say, caressing her muzzle. “I just thought a few worry wrinkles would make you look more matronly.”
“This from the pony who was nothing BUT wrinkles when I arrived?” She snarks back, nibbling my ear, as she runs on of her hooves over my bald head.
This sends a tingle all the way down my spine. Hmm, maybe being bald ISN’T so bad.
“I’m guessing THIS is what Luna was hoping to pop back and witness?” I ask, as I begin to nuzzle her in return.
“No,” Celestia replies with a grin. “But THIS is,” she says, as she acquires my full and undivided attention for the rest of the evening...
The next morning I awoke to find myself alone, in my own bed. I wasn’t surprised by this. The thing that me and the boss have between us is both more and less than what other ponies share. She’s not my special somepony, and I am not hers. Although I may be the closest thing to it she will allow herself. First and foremost, she is my boss. Below that she allows herself as much as her heart can bear. She knows that like the others, someday she may have to kill me with my death rune. I know this as well. So we try to maintain a certain distance from each others hearts. At the same time though, we both are mature adult ponies who share a similar emptiness inside. And, as often as we are able, we do our best to fill that void in each other. It’s all we can do. Sometimes it’s enough.
But neither of us like goodbyes, so her not being here isn’t a surprise. What is however, is the scroll on my bedside, tightly rolled up and bound in ribbon, with a much smaller note attached to the outside. I open the smaller one and begin to read.
To my most flexible and able subject,
By the time you read this I will be back in Canterlot, safely out of your reach... for now. You should be able to go about your duties once more, although I will waste my breath and ink by suggesting you don’t overdo it for a few days. (Yes, Johnny, I’m laughing along with you at that). Just to save you some time, we have confirmed that the explosives used in the bombing of the brothel were the same type that were used in the restaurant, and my cake room, (thanks once more for that by the way).
Please keep me informed as to the continued progress of your investigation.
On a completely unrelated note, (and I use that last word literally), I reluctantly have enclosed the following message. Rest assured, I have not read it beforehoof, as can be attested by the still intact seal and marker spell upon it. I do however, feel I should explain why you have it.
When Ori got in touch with me, I was in the middle of a meeting with somepony. Naturally, I told them that I had to leave, that it was an emergency. When I returned, she was still there waiting for me.
She naturally asked where I had gone and why, and being that I have never lied to her, I told her a much abbreviated version of the truth. That being that you were near death, and that I rushed off to save you. I did not however tell her where you were, or what you were doing. This was for your sake, as much as hers. The last thing you need right now is more complications in your life. However, if, after you have finished your current assignment, you wish to go speak to her, I will allow you to do so.
But Johnny I caution you, not as your boss, but as your friend and mentor. Before you speak to her again, you need to understand what you really feel about her. You need to look inside yourself, past your guilt, past your honor, and duty, and see yourself honestly. Otherwise, all that you will accomplish is to add to the pain that both of you feel.
All that being said, once she found out who I went to see, she all but begged me to send you the enclosed message. I don’t know the contents, but I can only hope that they will not add to the burdens your heart already has to bear. If you need to speak to me after you have read it, please don’t hesitate to do so. Remember Johnny, you are very dear to me.
Your immortal boss,
C
Halfway through the letter, I had already deduced who the other message was from. My hooves were shaking as I put down Celestia’s explanation. I picked up the other scroll, turning it in my hooves, examining the ribbon, the royal seal from the princess of friendship. Yes, it was real.
This was a letter from Twilight.
All these years and never once had she tried to reach out to me. She knew I was still alive I’m sure. She was Celestia’s protege, surely she knew I was still working for her somewhere. I expected something before now, some message telling me how she could never forgive me for what I had done. That’s what her eyes said that day. That I was a monster, that she couldn’t bear the sight of me. In the months after the accident I still had some hope, some foolish shred of hope that she could somehow find it in her heart to forgive me. But I never heard another word from her... until now.
I looked at the letter in my hooves. I wasn’t ready for this now. Tartarus, I may never be ready for this, and yet I watched my hooves untie the ribbon, and break the seal, almost of their own accord. And there by the candlelight in my dingy apartment, in the darkest city in all of Equestria, I read the words that changed my life.
“Dear Duskwind,
When Celestia returned and told me where she had gone and why, I could hardly believe it.
I knew in my head that you were still alive out there somewhere, working for her, but to have word about you in such a fashion... that you almost died... well, it was not how I wanted to find you again.
Celestia won’t tell me the details of your situation, or your current whereabouts. All she would say is that if it wasn’t for you, over fifty people would have died. Since she said ‘people’ instead of ‘ponies’, I can only assume you must be in some far off land. But that does nothing to lessen what you have done. Over fifty people. I’m so proud of you Duskwind.”
S-she’s proud of me? Shocking enough to see my real name after all of this time, but Twilight is PROUD of me? My hooves are shaking so badly I can barely read, but I force myself to continue.
“It’s been so many years since I last saw you. Since the day of that terrible, terrible accident. I will never forget the look in your eyes as they carried you past me. You looked so broken, so empty. I couldn’t see anything of the pony I knew in your eyes. All I saw was an empty void. And seeing that on the pony I loved, frightened me to the core.
I knew that what had happened must have been incredibly traumatic. They wouldn’t let any of us see you. Then, afterwords, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to ever see me again. That look in your eyes. I still shiver at the memory. For months after that I waited. I kept hoping that you would snap out of it. But I never heard from you again.
I tried to keep up with your career as best I could. I knew that you were training under Celestia to be a part of a special unit. But details were few and sketchy. Even my brother Shining couldn’t find out anything, and he was as close to the grapevine as anypony. Eventually my duties to the princess sent me to Ponyville, and I’m sure you had to have heard about all the craziness going on in THAT little town. But you never came to visit, and you never wrote to me.
I know you have moved on since those days so long ago. But this may be my only chance to tell you, so I have to take it while I can.
I never stopped loving you Duskwind. What we had together was the most beautiful thing two ponies could share. No pony has ever gotten as close to my heart as you did. I used to think that time and distance might lessen the feelings I had for you, but they never did. I’ve done some amazing things since you saw me last, and I’ve made some good, good friends. But there has always been a piece of me that was missing. And that missing piece was you. And seeing as this my be my only chance to do so, I just had to tell you so.
I can’t pretend to understand what all you must have gone through. And I know I don’t have any right to ask, but if you would please send me a response to this. Just to let me know that you read it, That’s all I will ask.”
Always yours,
Twilight Sparkle
I carefully place the letter on my nightstand, and lie back in my bed. I stare at the ceiling, as tears begin leaking out of my eyes. Moments later I am bawling like the fool that I am. Great wracking sobs, I wail into the eternal night of Luna’s city.
All this time. All this time she still loved me. All this time she had remained true to me, and what have I done since then?
I wail once more into the night, and the darkness swallows my cries as it does the thousands of other lost and broken souls in this city.
I have fallen so far since then. Booze, and one night stands, and so many dead. After that day I dug out my heart, and threw myself into whatever job Celestia would send my way. The darker the better. All so I could try to blot out the sight of her horrified eyes as she looked at me that last time. And all this time I had been wrong.
She had been there all along. Waiting for me, just like I had been waiting for her. But I was so caught up in my own loathing and self misery I was too blind to see it.
I looked down at my body. All the runes seared into my flesh still visible, as well as the scars from countless battles. I had taken the pony she loved so much, and turned him into THIS.
I reach for the bottle of cider I always keep beside my bed and bring it up to my muzzle. The sour tang of stale cider hits my nostrils before I take a sip, just like it always does, only this time it’s assaulting the nose of Duskwind, and not Johnny ‘bloody’ Appleseed. I fling it across the room in disgust, another sob escaping me only to be drown out by the sound of shattering glass.
I wipe at the tears in my eyes, and deep inside I feel something change. No, not the tears in MY eyes, in Johnny’s eyes.
I realize now what Celestia meant in her letter. 'Look inside yourself, past your honor, and duty'. What she should have said is past my ‘horror and self loathing’. All the things I’ve done were so I could run away. Run away from a pain I couldn’t deal with. But with one letter the core of that pain is gone. This one letter is like a slender ray of hope. A thin and brittle chance to reclaim who I was, and what I lost. And by all the powers that be, nothing was going to stop me from taking that chance.
I reach for the nightstand once more. This time removing parchment, quill and ink. My hoof is steady and firm as I write:
My Dearest Twilight,
Your words mean more to me than I can say. There are a great many things I need to tell you, but for reasons I cannot explain here, I will need to do so in person.
However, there are several things I want you to know that cannot wait one day longer.
I haven’t moved on Twilight. It would be a lie to say that I haven’t been intimate with other ponies over the years, but I have never been in love with anyone else. My absence from your life has been due to a misunderstanding of cosmic proportions, which I want to discuss with you in detail, as soon as I am able. But know this. Duskwind still loves you with all of his heart, and he will be coming to see you as soon as he is able.
As to that. I am currently on assignment for Celestia. (Don’t bother asking her, she’s not going to explain). However, she has given me permission to come and see you as soon as my current task is complete. Know that that day cannot come soon enough, and you will be in my every thought until then.
You’ve waited for me this long my dearest, please just wait for me a little longer.
Still yours,
Duskwind
I use the wax from the candle on my nightstand to make a crude seal, and then add a sealing spell that Twilight will recognize. I take another piece of parchment and write a quick note to Celestia, asking her to pass my response to Twilight. In it I let her know that everything is fine, but that I plan to take her up on her offer to allow me to visit Twilight after this current crisis is all over.
I wrap these two messages together, fire up Celestia’s candle, and send them off.
Moments later I drag myself from the bedroom, make my way to the bathroom, turn on the sink, and begin to wash the drying tears from my face. I stop and stare at the reflection in the mirror. Johnny Appleseed is staring back at me as usual. But behind his eyes, I can faintly see the shadow of a pony named Duskwind.
“You just stay back there Dusk,” I say to myself.
This is ‘Johnny’s’ town. And Johnny still has work to do. A missing mare, both a restaurant and brothel full of innocents to avenge... and Betty.
You just stay put a little longer Dusk. Johnny needs to do what he does best. But after that, you got a date with an alicorn princess. And heaven help anyone that tries to get in your way between now and then...
Chapter 12
Perspectives
(Duskwind/ Johnny Appleseed...)
I was in the office early the next firstnight. I’d put on a pot of coffee and was already well into my first cup as I scanned the latest edition of the Whinnyappleous Post. Despite the promise I made to myself the night before, I was not feeling like the same Johnny Appleseed that last sat at this desk. No, there was an undeniable taint of ‘Duskwind’ coloring my thoughts. I was happy, and I had no right to be.
People were being killed left and right, and I had a case I was no closer to solving. I needed to get to the bottom of this quickly before more innocents were harmed. There was no reason at all I should be feeling anything other that sadness and rage. And that was there, brimming with potential violence, ready to be set loose the minute I caught the ponies responsible. But underneath it all, where the old pain used to be, the pain that drove me forward all of my life, in that place there was now hope.
I admit, I didn’t really know what to do with it. At least not now. The best I could come up with was to ignore it until all this mess was over, and if I survived try to figure it out then.
It was while I was musing over these thoughts that Ori came in. To her credit, I think she was more surprised to see me drinking coffee, than she was to see me here at all. This is because all the previous times I was in the office before her, it was due to me staying here all night, and in those instances my beverage of choice was usually flammable.
I was about to call her into my office, when I heard the outer door open once more. A moment later Moonlight trotted up beside Ori, and gazed into my office in shock. What? Was I really so much an oddity at this point? Ah, I forgot. No mane, no tail, peach fuzz still not covering my runes yet. Goddess, what Ori must be thinking, I never trusted her about the runes before now. Dammit Duskwind, this is your fault. I’m slipping. You’re making my thinking sloppy. {Sigh} well, I need to talk to Ori anyway. But first I needed to talk to Moonlight.
“If you both are done enjoying the show,” I say, trying to sound angry, “I’d like to speak to Moonlight alone. But don’t make any plans Ori, you and I need to have a little talk when I get finished.”
“Y-yes sir,” she says, quickly leaving the room.
I think I may have scared her a little too much, but then again, if I were anypony else right now, she would have good reason to be. She’s realized that she did something she shouldn’t have been able to do. That means that she knows, that I know, that she knows things that she shouldn’t. If this situation was just slightly different, that would mean that I would have to ‘terminate’ her employment with my company... among other things.
Moonlight glances at the retreating form of Ori, for a moment, then turns back to me as I gesture for her to sit down. The expression on her face was a mixture of concern and relief. I imagine the concern was for Ori, but perhaps a little was for me as well. After all the last time she saw me I was in less than stellar shape. What happened next was all Duskwind... I couldn’t help it.
“So, like the new look? I decided to wear it short today.” I say, running a hoof through an imaginary mane. I thump my stub of a tail against the back of the chair for emphasis.
She just kind of froze for a moment. Shock and amusement warring inside of her, after a moment amusement won out.
“{Bwahahahaa}, Oh Goddess Johnny... really?!?” she asked. In response I merely thumped my tail stub some more. “S-stop that” she stammers out, as a second wave of laughter explodes from her.
“Stop what,” I say calmly as I fold my paper, by now my tail has a good rhythm going.
“I give up,” she says in exasperation, as she waves a hoof in my direction, “you’re hopeless.”
“Not the first pony to ever tell me that,” I say sipping my coffee.
“I take it by you’re juvenile attempt at humor that you are fully recovered?” She asks.
“Successful juvenile attempt at humor,” I correct, “and yes, for the most part. At least well enough to get back to work.”
“You know about... Betty,” she asks, her voice sobering.
“Yes, I’ve been told,” I reply, my jovial manner dropping away. “I also know that you let the killer get away so that you could come back and save me.”
“I stand by that decision,” she says defensively, in a tone that says she wont be backing down on this point.
I hold up a hoof. “I won’t be disputing your decision.” I say placatingly. “It already has the support of both our bosses. “I will however expect you to deal with the consequences of those actions, by helping me bring swift justice to the bastard that did it.”
Her face starts to cloud up. “Just calm down Moonlight, calm down. I’m not mad at you for your decision. In fact...” I pause and look directly into her eyes, “Thank you Moonlight, really. You saved my life, and I am sincerely grateful.”
“Wha... W-what? Who are you, and what have you done with Johnny?” she stammers incredulously.
“Heh, more like what has Johnny been doing with me,” I reply enigmatically.
“What does that mean?” Moonlight asks.
“Hmm, oh nothing, just thinking to myself.” I say absently. I pass her the firstnight’s paper. Pointing with a hoof to the article on the front page. It’s about the bordello. “You can read this if you want, the salient points are how many that died, and a mention that a private investigator, one Johnny Appleseed, was found dead on the scene as well. The cause of the explosion was listed as due to a break in a gas main. Interesting considering that the explosion occurred ABOVE where we were, and as Cherry already told us, she was using underground power cables to power the lights and air.” I say, tapping the relevant passage.
“Someone doctored the article,” she says without hesitation. “Someone didn’t want the cause of the explosion made public.”
“Correct, but it goes deeper than that. Consider all the facts Moonlight.” I say, rising to my hooves and beginning to pace. “Let’s start with the investigation. Supposedly before I was called in, the night watch had launched a thorough investigation into the case of our missing Babs Seed. During that time no members of the watch were attacked, no bombs gone off, nothing. Now add to the fact that although Cherry’s name was on the list of Bab’s friends and acquaintances, she was never called in for questioning, nor had any member of the watch come to see her.
Now let’s look at the bombs. The first one was while I was talking with Princess Luna. This was an unofficial visit, she came alone, without guards, and yet some pony knew about it, and teleported enough explosives inside to level the block. At first I thought, like she did, that it must have been an assassination attempt on her life. But as she said, the amount used wasn’t nearly enough to destroy her. It was however enough to destroy me, and my office, and any evidence that Luna might have brought to me. Our mystery bomber wasn’t trying to kill Luna, they were hoping to either take me out, or if we bolted for safety, then take out the file that Luna had brought along with all the info she had gathered on Babs. It was an act of desperation, with only a marginal chance of success, which means for them to take it, the stakes had to be very high.
The next set of bombs were used when the manager was about to clean out Babs’s locker where she worked. Obviously our bomber didn’t want something that might have been in there being found. A something that might have linked Babs to whoever it was that was doing this.
But,” I say, pausing my pacing. “There were no bombs planted at Babs’s apartment. Why? The obvious conclusion is that bomber already knew that there was nothing to incriminate him there. But how could that be? Night watch investigators are some of the best ponies in the world at forensic magic. How could our killer know that there would be nothing left to incriminate him.”
Moonlight’s eyes widen in alarm as she sees where I am going with this.
“And then there was the last bombing. Babs’s special somepony. Why didn’t our killer try to take her out before now? Why was there no investigation on her? Why did it happen on the night we came to visit? You know the answers as well as I do by now.” I say, looking intently at Moonlight.
“Somepony knew we were going to be there.” She says, following the logic chain. “Somepony knew that Luna was coming to see you. Somepony knew that Bab’s apartment was clean, because that same pony wash there during the investigation. And that same pony kept the investigators from snooping around where they didn’t want them to go.” She cups a hoof to her muzzle in shock. “It shouldn’t be possible, but all the evidence points to only one thing. I have a traitor in the night watch!” she says, rising to her hooves in rage.
“Now, now, calm down. Technically YOU don’t have a traitor in the watch, your BOSS has a traitor in the watch. She hoof picked each member herself remember? Out of the best of the best, she personally chooses the members of the watch, and then the best of those become her personal guards. You may be higher in rank, but that doesn’t mean it was your fault.” I say, trying to mitigate her fury.
“Y-yes, you’re right of course. I just... tend to take these things personally. Luna is my everything you see. It’s like finding out you have a family member who’s been plotting against you.” Moonlight explains.
“Believe me, I understand completely. I share a similar situation with Celestia.” I say. “But also consider this. The bomber, whoever it is, thinks that I’m dead. The pressure is off of us at the moment. They will assume that you will report back to Luna, and that she will try to find somepony else to track them down, and by then the trail will be so cold that no pony could find them. Instead, I want you to use this,” I say, pulling out the file Luna gave me. “Investigate all the members of the night watch that were involved in the original investigation. One of them is beyond a doubt involved with the bomber. While you’re doing that, I’m going to the undercity in disguise and track down whoever is supplying our killer with his explosives. Had it been a one time thing, I could see a box slipping through the cracks, but as much explosives as have been used, someone will have to have gotten a large shipment. That means some being knows something, and I intend to find out who, and then what.” I say with grim determination.
“Well, it seems we both get to look forward to a very dirty night.” Moonlight says, as she looks over the list of potential traitors in her hooves.
She starts to leave, and then almost as an afterthought, she turns around and trots over to me.
“Johnny... back in the bordello... when you told me you were going to hold up the ceiling until everypony was safe. I- I thought you were committing suicide. No pony should have been able to do what you did. I realized as I came back each time to take the next group to safety, that no matter how fast I was, very soon I would try to go back, and there would be no ‘back’ for me to go to, that you would be dead... crushed. It was then that I realized there were... things I had wanted to say to you, things I wanted you to know.”
“Moonlight,” I say in confusion, “what are you trying to tell me?”
She moves closer to me, I can feel her breath on my muzzle. I can smell her, her scent is that of some exotic night flower. Before I can react, she brushes my lips with hers. It only lasts a moment... it only lasts an eternity.
“I’m just glad to have you back,” she says, before vanishing in a burst of ebony magic.
I fall back, and just barely manage to land on the edge of my desk. I’m supposed to be a detective. I had no clue that was coming. She was beautiful. Strong, exotic, smart, the kind of pony way out of my league. I never even considered that a pony like her, could feel anything for some slob like me.
I shook my head, trying to clear it. This was a complication I did not need right now. I had a case, I had a chance to get Twilight back. This... thing, it just could not be. And yet, if I had known about how she felt BEFORE I read Twilight’s letter... Johnny Appleseed would have thought he had found his soul mate. An equal. A partner to share the endless night with.
Then the voice of Duskwind rises up inside of me like a lion and roars ‘you already have a soul mate! Her name is Twilight Sparkle!’ And he’s right. Twilight is all I/he ever lived for. Faugh, this is getting me nowhere. I need to focus on the case in front of me. This is no time for me to be getting soft... for ANY pony.
“Ori, please come in here!” I say, returning to my seat.
(Ori...)
My name is Shea Butter, but I usually just go by Ori. A long time ago I came to this city in search of my sister. Instead I found a new life and a job working for one of the toughest, and yet at the same time, most compassionate ponies I have ever met. He just summoned me into his office. I believe he intends to kill me. That’s not a figure of speech by the way. I’m pretty sure I’m about to die.
I rise from my seat, and get out from behind my desk. I take one last look around at what I have considered my own little kingdom, before making my way into the inner office where the boss is waiting on me.
I don’t know all the details, or even most of them. But what I do l know is that my boss isn’t what he appears to be. I mean, on the surface he’s the perfect hard boiled detective, just like one right out of a book. But for awhile now I’ve been noticing things. I’ve put together as much as I could. I know he secretly works directly for Celestia. I also know he isn’t afraid of ending somepony’s life. That much I witnessed firsthoof. I’ve also figured out that whatever it is he really does for a living, that it’s a secret he will kill to protect. And now he knows that I know something I shouldn’t.
When Agent Shadow brought Johnny in two days ago he looked worse than a corpse. The fact that he was still breathing was a miracle past understanding. Without even thinking about it I called Celestia. She was here in moments, and never even spared me a glance, let alone question why I was using one of Johnny’s candles to call her, or how I knew about them. All she was worried about was Johnny.
I’ve had two days to think about things while Johnny was recovering. There’s no way either of them have forgotten about it. There’s no point in trying to run away. If anypony could find me, it would be Johnny.
“Ori, did you hear me?” Johnny calls from inside his office.
Well, no sense trying to drag this out.
“Be right there boss.” I say, taking the last few steps I have left of freedom.
I open the door, and try to maintain my usual cheerful nature. Not an easy thing to do when my boss, who is my best friend, may be about to send me to my maker. Oh well, at least that means no more half hour commutes to work every morning...
“Sit down please Ori,” Johnny says, not unpleasantly.
Jeez he looks so strange without hair. And I don’t even want to know about all those weird metallic tattoo’s he has all over his body. I never figured the boss to go into that kind of thing. His coat is coming in pretty fast, but I can still make out the tats. It must be some kind of weird metallic ink, it can’t really be metal, otherwise how would his fur grow over it?
“Is my flank really THAT interesting?” He asks with a grin.
Oh goddess! He caught me staring! Part of me wants to tell him ‘yes it is’, because... well... yes it is. But whatever my last words may be, I don’t want them to be that.
“Sorry boss,” I say, “the um... artwork, just caught me off guard.”
“Heh, I’m sure.” He replies. “Look Ori, I’m going to be very busy for the foreseeable future, places to go, people to beat up, but before all of that, there’s a little something that you and I need to address. Do you know what I am referring to?” he asks, suddenly becoming all business.
No sense beating around the bush about it.
“You want to know how I got in touch with Celestia when you got hurt. And most likely want to know why I knew to call her instead of the local Helping Hooves.” Well, that’s done it. On the outside chance he was referring to something else, I’m sure I’ve focused his attention squarely on me.
“Yes Ori, the answer to those two questions are EXACTLY why I called you in here. And a lot of things may be riding on your answers, so, if you don’t mind, please explain yourself.” He says, steepling his hooves together under his chin. He seems so calm. Almost casual. But his eyes are still and hard. I imagine they looked like this the night he took care of those diamond dogs outside the club. That was the night we met. The night I got my first inkling that this was a pony who didn’t flinch at what he had to do. If I wasn’t about to die, I’d probably find it VERY arousing...
“I-it was an accident,” I say, trying hard to keep my voice from shaking. “It was months ago. When you were working on the Lily Belle case.” He nods at me to continue. “I came in that Tuesday firstnight. You were passed out on your desk. There was a tall white candle on the corner of your desk. I was pretty cross with you, all it would’ve taken was for you to fling your arm, and the whole office would’ve went up like a matchstick.
Well, I was just going over to blow it out, when all of a sudden a scroll appeared out of the fire. It scared the hell out of me at first. I knocked it off of the desk, sure that it was going to set the rest of your mess on fire, but there wasn’t even a singe mark on it. Well, you were still out, and I was curious, So I unrolled it and read it.”
Johnny gets a blank look on his face, he's about to do that freaky perfect recall thing he does. After a moment he says...
“Dear Johnny,
I am both relieved and saddened by your news. I know that you did everything you could to save Lily, and return her to her parents alive and unharmed. Despite the fact that she lost her life, at least you were able to recover her body. I know this doesn’t seem like much, but at least her family will be able to grieve. They wont waste years of their lives harboring the false hope that one day their daughter will somehow return home alive and well.
I’ve read the details of your report concerning what you did to the criminals responsible. Although I commend you on your thoroughness, it isn’t necessary to include ALL of the details of their removal from society. However that being said, I completely understand and agree with your methods. No being deserves what those bastards did to poor Lily.
Enclosed you will find your usual bonus for services rendered. Please try not to spend it all on booze Johnny. Also attached you will find a new spell that I believe you may find useful. It’s a voice amplification spell which can be tuned to any pony’s specific voice. Very useful when trying to overhear a particular conversation in a crowded room. Please sign and return a copy of your receipt for my personal records, and let me know what you think.
Celestia
P.S. On a more personal note I just finished writing the latest chapter of my new erotic novel. Tell me how this sounds...
‘Annabelle struggled against Stetsons powerful grip, knowing that she shouldn’t succumb to-’,”
Johnny breaks off mid sentence as we both go red faced. “Ah, I don’t suppose the rest is relevant.” He says rubbing the back of his bald head. “I remember waking up the next morning. The message was there, but the receipt page was torn. I assumed I must have sent it back before I passed out and just forgot about it. I’m guessing you sent back the reply, and kept the candle?”
“Yes Johnny. By then I was quite good at forging your signature. I knew you’d forget about it. I’m not sure why I kept the candle at the time. Part of it was curiosity. Obviously you knew Princess Celestia personally. And obviously you were keeping secrets from me. I guess back then I just wanted proof that what I saw was real, and not some made up fantasy. I-I’ve been known to do that from time to time.” I say with embarrassment. “As time went on, and you never mentioned the candle, I finally got the nerve up to light it once more. When nothing came through I was both relieved and disappointed. I mean I had no idea what to do if another letter for you showed up. I had some vague plan of putting it on your desk before you got there with the candle blown out next to it. But that never happened.
Instead, I wrote a letter to Celestia. It was in your handwriting. And it was short so she wouldn’t notice anything in what was said. All I did was ask her how her erotic novel was going. To be honest what she sent the first time was pretty steamy reading, but it was pretty good, and I guess I just really wanted to see if she would respond. Oh, and by the sky stallion did she ever! The next thing I knew fifty three pages of parchment came through, the final a personal note saying how surprised she was that I took an interest in it and to let her know just what I/ Johnny, thought of her latest efforts.
Well, after that it kinda sorta became our regular thing. I mean your Saturday secondnights were like clockwork when you weren’t on a case. You’d go out until 2am, then pass out until 2pm the following secondnight. So every Saturday evening, I’d light the candle and wait for a new piece of her novel.”
I stop speaking and notice Johnny’s reaction for the first time. I don’t know what I expected, anger, rage, a look of betrayal at least. But the bald fool is sitting there red faced, and is silently laughing at me! Seriously?!? I mean tears are running down his cheeks... I can tell he’s having trouble breathing. Okay, that’s it. Death is one thing, but I ain’t gonna sit here and be laughed at.
“What the BUCK is so funny?” I yell. This only makes him start laughing out loud instead of to himself. “Johnny Appleseed! You stop that right now! We both know this isn’t funny. I came in here expecting to die, NOT to be made a fool of!” This sobers him up some. I wait there fuming until he can regain his voice.
“I know, I know Ori. And walking into my office was one of the bravest things I ever saw. I’m not making fun of that. But you have to see this from my perspective. Those candles are attuned to Celestia’s particular magical signature. Just like the ones she has for me are attuned to mine. Her enemies would pay a fortune to get there hooves on one of those, just so they could disassemble the spells and try to find a weakness in her magic. They are quite possibly the most sought after magical artifacts in all of Equestria... and you were using them to... to... read bad romance fanfiction?!? {Bwahahaaa}” and with that he’s off again.
I start to rise, but he waves me back down with a hoof. “Sorry Ori, I’m sorry. I’ll be good.” he says calming down.
I know this can’t be easy for him. He’s putting it off, trying to stall, but we both know I can’t be allowed to know what I do. To be honest I’m really touched that he’s fighting so hard against himself. He really must care deeply about me.
“Ori, I feel at this point that there is something I should tell you.” He says, becoming more serious. “When I send a message to Celestia, she not only reads the paper and ink that I send it on. She also reads the impressions of the pony who wrote it. It’s a spell we both use to safeguard our missives just in case some other pony managed to get a hold of one of our candles. Ori, she knew it wasn’t me responding from the very first time you sent back that receipt.”
WHAT?!? She knew? All this time she knew?!? Oh sweet Zacherle!
“B-but she never said...” I stammer out weakly. Why am I not dead? I should already be dead? What the buck?
“No, she never said anything to YOU. But she sent me a package the following day, express mail from Canterlot. Inside was a letter saying how somepony else sent back a receipt in my name, along with a new set of candles with a different spell key. I messaged her back saying that nothing was missing and that the spell she had sent me hadn’t been tampered with. She kept the original candle and lit it once a day, hoping that somepony would try to use it again, and she could then send a tracking spell back through it to whomever had managed to steal it.
We both figured that whoever it was must have been a pretty high level spy to be able to get past all my wards and mess with my stuff without leaving ANY trace. Believe me I used every trick I knew trying to find any evidence that somepony had broken in. But the only ponies I could detect where you and me. And I KNEW that YOU weren’t a spy.” He says, openly grinning again. “You can’t imagine Celestia’s surprise when she finally got a nibble on that candle one night. When that message came through she was primed and ready with all kinds of nasty spells. But then you asked... asked about her NOVEL of all things... by the sky stallion Ori, you have no idea how close you came to cosmic death!
Well, naturally she traced back the spell to you. You can’t imagine the relief we both felt. Well, mine was a bit more short lived than hers. I got quite the tongue lashing for allowing you to find my candle.
We discussed the situation, and eventually concluded that if you had kept your muzzle shut this long, then we could trust you to continue to do so. And it wasn’t like you were doing anything nefarious. To be perfectly honest, I think the boss just really liked the attention. You’d have no way of knowing, but she has a pretty lonely life.” Johnny says frankly.
“T-this is... I... I don’t know what to say.” My head is swirling around. I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling for a moment, trying to get my head around everything I just heard. “So, I’m NOT going to die? I mean this isn’t all some elaborate trick to keep me off my guard?” I ask, hope beginning to form in my chest.
In response Johnny reaches into his desk, pulls out a candle and holder, sets it on his desk, and then pulls out pen, ink, and parchment. He takes a moment to write something before passing it to me. I hesitantly take the page from him, and begin to read.
“Dear Celestia,
I hope this finds you well, and full of cake. I made it back to work today, and will soon set out to try and lay my hooves on the person responsible for all the recent bombings. More on this later.
I’ve also made agent Shadow aware of my theories concerning the source of the information leaks. She’s currently gone to play ‘whack a mole’. More on this later as well, just as soon as she reports back in.
In other news, Ori and I just had a most revealing chat. She seemed quite pensive when I asked her to come and see me this morning. Due of course, in no small part, to your recent visit. (Personally I just don’t see why other ponies find you to be so intimidating). After our conversation, she seemed to be quite out of sorts, I was wondering if you might have any words of wisdom to share to help ease her mind.
Sincerely,
Johnny”
I handed the message back to Johnny, who without another word sent of off through the magical fire. We sat there for a moment silently. Each of us lost in our own thoughts. Suddenly the candle flared, and a small mahogany box appeared, the lid inlaid with a beautifully carved feather. On top of the box were two notes, one addressed to Johnny, and one addressed to me. Johnny passed me mine, and then opened his own, and leaning back in his new office chair, began to read. Wasting no time, I broke the seal on my own, and began to read as well.
"Dear Shea Butter, or if you prefer Ori,
It was a pleasure to finally get to meet you in person, even though the circumstances at the time were dire. I cannot thank you enough for getting in touch with me. You literally saved Johnny’s life.
For that you have my eternal gratitude. And unlike other ponies, when I say ‘eternal’ I mean it! Since you are reading this, I suppose our little game of pretend is over. This makes me both sad, and happy.
Sad that our naughty little Ori finally got caught, but happy to be able to speak with her as the mare she is, instead of both of us pretending I was speaking to ‘Johnny’. In regards to that, I assume that your little purloined candle must be just about spent. To that end you will find the enclosed box of specially made candles just for you. Take good care of that box Shea, it’s spelled to your own personal aura which you have been sending me bits of for quite some time. If anypony other than you tries to open it, the results will be quite... pyrotechnic. That phoenix feather on the lid isn’t just for show, and
Philomena was quite cross with me when I appropriated it from her.
Looking forward to sending you my newest chapter this Saturday!
All my best,
C”
I put down the letter, and run my hoof across the inlaid feather on the top of the box. I’m giddy. I can’t help it.
“Better?” My boss asks, from across the desk.
I nod yes, not trusting myself to speak yet.
“Happy?” He asks.
“Mmmhmm,” I managed to respond.
“Happy enough to get me a couple of those banana nut muffins from the bakery on second avenue?” He asks.
“Don’t push your luck,” I say, rising to my hooves and making my way back to my desk.
My name is Shea Butter, my friends call me Ori. I made a new one today, and I get to live to tell the tale...
(Moonlight Shadow...)
The name I currently go by is Moonlight Shadow. I am one of the three most dangerous ponies on the face of Equestria. And I am currently pissed off.
It seems these past few days that has become my default setting. And it all stems from the night I met a pony named Johnny Appleseed. Well, that isn’t his real name. No more than ‘Moonlight Shadow’ is mine. But in this time, and this place, he IS Johnny, and I AM Moonlight, and for better or worse, that’s the hoof we are dealt.
I am currently half a block away for what I laughing call Johnny’s office. I could have teleported all the way to my destination, or anywhere else for that matter, but I wanted time to think. Effortlessly I shift into my shadow form, and flow from shadow to shadow down the dark filled alleyways toward home.
The shadows, normally so cool and comforting, are for once, not helping at all. I’m still pissed. “Blast you Johnny, it’s been one thing after another, ever since I met you,” I mutter to myself, as I continue onwards.
I suppose in all honesty that I shouldn’t be mad at him. All he did was show me there was a traitor in my midst. It’s not like he put him there. I suppose I SHOULD be grateful to him. “Blasted pony… has to be all smart and sexy…” I mutter again. And that voice! Goddess! You just want to stroke his mane and listen to him read the dictionary… or at least all of the naughty bits… “And then I went and kissed him. By the sky stallion, what was I thinking?!?”
I step out of the shadows of a maintenance door, on a rooftop. I pause to gaze at the beautiful full moon. Every so often the weather ponies will waft a thin band of clouds across its surface. The effect is striking. Oh how I love the night. Such dark and tranquil beauty. I feel like I could leap from shadow to shadow forever.
I shake myself free of such thoughts. That freedom is forever denied me. And even this short romp is keeping me from the fulfillment of my current duties. No, for better or worse I am bound to Johnny until this assignment is over, or until he is dead.
To think I originally thought this would be easy. Like a vacation, I told myself at the time. Considering my normal night to night duties, the idea of being a unicorn detectives partner seemed like a breeze. Track down a missing pony, find Phil… After all it’s only one city. And really, the only reason I agreed to this insane partnership in the first place was so I could get my hooves on Johnny. And that should have been the easiest part!
From what intel I could gather he’s bedded more mares than a mattress company. And I know that I’VE got the goods… Tartarus, I AM the goods. Luring him away from Celestia should have been easy. He’s already working in this city, he LIKES it here. Binding him into service of the Night Princess, would have been quite the coup for me. And I suppose, if I had to be honest, the fact that he’s hot as hell doesn’t hurt.
Faugh, who am I kidding. I wanted that pony the moment I saw him. And not just for his looks. He’s a smart, devious, little bastard. A survivor. In any other age he would be a warrior general. He struts around this city like it is his. The wise know to avoid him, and the stupid he quickly crushes. All this I knew before I met him. But I was unprepared for who he really was.
He cares. He genuinely cares about people. People, not just ponies. And that’s a distinction his boss still has trouble with. When they hurt, he hurts. You would think that kind of compassion would be crippling him trying to do the job he does. But Johnny just turns that into the sharp edge he uses against his foes. Files say he can be as vicious as the scum he comes up against. Good. It’s no more than they deserve. But it makes things that much harder for me.
Seducing a pony is one thing. It can be fun, almost a game. Falling for a pony is another thing. A very dangerous thing. Falling for what is essentially the enemy, THAT is the most dangerous thing of all. If I could have kept it on the surface, I would have been fine. But that idiot keeps doing these stupid heroics that make me all weak in the knees.
Buck me, he held up a freakin building! Could I have done that? I’m not sure. Would I have done that? Oh hells no. I would have followed my training and nabbed the ponies of interest and let the rest be squashed flat. That is what a cold and ruthless agent does. But that isn’t what Johnny is. Hells, I don’t know what Johnny is… all I know is that he’s stirring up things inside me like I never felt before.
Without thinking I smash my hoof into the bricks of the doorframe, causing several of them to turn to powder. I’m still pissed. But I’m going to borrow a trick from Johnny, and use that anger, use it to ignite a fire that I’ll bring to the Night Watch.
Johnny doesn’t realize just how personal his information was to me. It was like a knife in my gut. After all that I have been through, and all I have accomplished, to find out that one of my own could be turned. No, this will not stand! I will not let the name of the Night Princess be sullied. No pony turns traitor on Luna. And before this night is over, every member of the watch will know that as a fact...
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Luna had gotten her wish. An entire city to rule as she saw fit. It was Celestia’s test. A test to see if she had truly reformed. A test to see what kind of ruler she could be. She quickly found out.
Within weeks of the proclamation, the citizens of Whinnyappleous, were treated to a visit from their new monarch. A visit which turned out to be permanent. Luna gave a grand speech telling the citizens about the beginning of a glorious new age for Equestria. A new age that would begin here. The public cheered.
She went on to say that from this day forward, since she was the Princess of the Moon, that her new home city would reflect that. And so time itself would be sped up inside the city limits to remove the day. From dusk that day the city would be one of eternal night. This the public did not cheer. Many of them left in droves. Luna expected that.
It was shortly thereafter that posters and advertisements began appearing in all of the populated hubs of Equestria. Offers of new beginnings in Luna’s new ‘city of night’. The offer of good paying jobs, and new homes with low rents pulled the lower middle class in in droves. Luna expected that as well. This was what she wanted. Ponies who were hungry for a better life. Ponies who didn’t care whether it was daylight or dark.
But it wasn’t just ponies that Luna invited. She extended her offer to any and all intelligent species. Griffins, Diamond Dogs, Minotaurs, Dragons, even Changelings. All were welcome in Luna’s city. Her vision, she said, was of a “Harmonious future, where all races stood as equals”. This statement was greeted by many as the true essence of friendship that Celestia had been speaking of for years. Only a minority took it as a rock being thrown toward her sister, who only seemed to be concerned with the pony race.
What wasn’t remarked upon in the beginning, was the long term effects of the passage of time inside Luna’s city. With time passing twice as fast inside her dome of night, it meant that all of Luna’s various projects were coming to fruition in half the time as they would have on the outside. Within twenty years ‘suntime’, the city of Whinnyappleous had undergone technological advancement far ahead of any other city in Equestria.
Luna’s ideals of ‘clean, safe, sources of energy’, had led to the wonders of M.I.S. (Magically Induced Steam). All it took was a simple water boiling spell that any unicorn could perform, to power any and all steam driven turbines.
Soon there were free transportation for all, from city run steam buses. All home and streets were lit by steam driven electric generators. All Luna ask in return was that once a year, each ponies donated just a few of their bits to pay for the labors of the ponies who dedicated their time to maintaining the spells. This the population agreed to gladly. It was the least they could do to show their appreciation to all those who made their lives easier.
The next great advancement was ponaudio. From a tall metal tower that stood on the top of Luna’s new castle, ponaudio waves could be broadcast to any ponaudio receiver within the city limits. And Luna provided receivers for free to all the citizens. All she ask in return once again, was just a few bits per year to pay for the upkeep of all the equipment, and once again the citizens considered it a small price to pay for what they were given in return. At any time of the night, any pony could turn on their ponaudio and be greeted with a variety of entertainment. Audio dramas, and comedies, sales at their favorite stores, and music of every type. All for free.
Yes, on the surface of it, it seemed Luna had done it. As far as the majority of Equestria knew, she had created a utopia of easy living in a city where all species coexisted side by side in peace and harmony. Her popularity had risen higher and higher. The side effect of this of course, was that Celestia’s popularity had begun to decline. But Celestia sat unperturbed inside her castle at Canterlot, she knew from experience that things were seldom as they appeared on the surface. And in this, SHE was right...
Chapter 1
Sundays Aren’t Fun Days
It was Sunday, four in the secondnight. The absolute worst time of the secondnight, on the absolute worst day of the week. Meh, why did Luna even still call it ‘Sun’ ‘day’, there hasn’t been either one in over twenty years. A human once wrote that Sunday four in the evening was ‘The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul’. I hate humans. Won’t try to deny it. Round ‘em all up, and send them back through the portals I say. But just this once, I’d have to agree with one.
I was sitting in my office. The spring of my well worn office chair creaking faintly as I rocked it back and forth, with just a hint of impatience. This earned me a glare from my secretary, who was using the magic of her horn to remove what I dearly hoped to be only metal slugs from my side.
The slugs, painful as they were, were not the main thing on my mind at the moment. Neither was the tooth sitting on my desk that had formerly resided comfortably inside my lower right jaw. In my line of work these things are considered an ‘occupational hazard’. I’m a private eye, if the magnifying glass on my flank didn’t tip you off.
There’s about a hundred or so of us out there. Well, a hundred or so from week to week. Some of us drop off the grid, some of us fall victim to those ‘occupational hazards’ I mentioned, but always there’s some young buck or filly, bright eyed with a sense of justice, who comes along to fill their gumshoes.
In this city, it only takes a month or so to weed out these optimists. Either they cut and run for another, safer, city like Manehatten, or Fillydelphia, or they stay on and become hard and bitter. I’ve been a P.I. here for ten years, if THAT tells you anything.
I flinch involuntarily, as my secretary/nurse lifts another bullet out of my side with her magic. For the hundredth time I silently thank Luna that she still sticks around.
“I swear Johnny, this is the last time. The last motherbucking time!” she says, her eyes brimming with tears as she works. It’s those tears that hurt me worse than anything those diamond dog goons could do to me. Tears that spill for my sake. Tears I don’t deserve, and never will.
She stops working and let’s out an involuntary gasp. I can tell it’s something bad. And I’m pretty sure I know what it is.
“Wood?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even.
“Yes,” she replies, trying to regain her composure. “It’s going to be bad Johnny. I’m sorry.”
I take a long pull from the bottle of hard cider that sits on the edge of my desk, wait a moment, and then have another.
“Do what you have to do, Ori.” I say, stroking her mane.
Wooden bullets. Gods I hate diamond dogs. Leave it to them to develop the most nasty type of slug to use in one of Luna’s M.I.S.P.P.L.’s (Magically Induced Steam, Portable Projectile Launcher). A simple metal slug leaves a nice neat hole in front, (not so much out the back), but those sun damned diamond dogs came up with a wooden one with a small crystal shaft in the center that splinters as it enters the body. It’s almost always non lethal, but it’s a bitch to remove. You have to cut all the little jagged hunks of wood out. Luna’s policing force have taken to calling them ‘spite rounds’. This was going to hurt. A lot. Buck you, diamond dogs.
I try not to think about it. Instead I focus on the mane of my secretary, one of the few ponies I can trust in this night cursed city. Ori was pure class. As the alcohol finally starts to kick in, my thoughts drift back to the night we met.
I used to play piano at a local nightclub (in this city, they are ALL nightclubs), before I managed to get my P.I. license approved for work in Luna’s city.
She came into the club late one Friday secondnight. I knew immediately that she was new in town. She kept looking at the patrons. Not staring at them, for which I gave her credit, just looking at them, surprised to see them all in one place. It was the usual crowd for a Friday. Lots of earth ponies, (the majority of ponies who took up Luna’s invitation for a better life), a few unicorns like myself, and one or two pegasi who were slumming for the night. But it was the bars other patrons that had caught her attention. There were two minotaurs arm wrestling in a corner. A changeling chatting up a particularly lovely griffin, several diamond dogs were getting fresh with one of the waitresses, who responded by dumping a pitcher of cider over the fat one’s head before stomping off. There was even a human sitting in a corner table with something I couldn’t even identify. It looked like a large round ball of pink fur. He (the human that is), was actually a semi-regular, and one of the biggest jerks I ever met. But he was fair about it. Hated his own race as much as any other. And it was for that reason that he was the only human I even came close to liking.
I knew why he was here. One of his friends was singing tonight. In the old days she was a real big deal. But like Luna, she had reformed. I heard that she and the human and that pink thing, had recently moved to the city. Later when I asked him why, he said it reminds him of home. I refrained from asking why he didn’t just go back there... like I said, I almost liked the guy.
Anyway, Ori walks into the bar, looks around for a bit, goes up to the bar and gets a drink. By this time I get the nod from the stage manager, and start playing the opening number as the curtain parts and Queen Chrysalis walks slowly out on stage. She’s wearing a low cut, sinfully red evening gown, with sequins. As the opening bars of ‘Unforgivable’ come spilling out of my piano, she begins to walk out into the audience.
She looks at all those assembled before her and smiles lasciviously as she sings,
“Unforgivable,
That's what you are,
Unforgivable...
Tho' near or far.
Like a lingering taint that clings to me,
How the thought of you, does these things to me.
Not ever before,
Has someone been more...
Unforgivable,
In every way...
And forever more,
That's how you'll stay...
That's why, darling, it's so regrettable,
That somepony so unforgivable,
Thinks that I’m...
Unforgivable, too...”
As the interlude begins, she starts making her rounds from table to table, her form changing to whatever each patron she approaches wants to see the most.
“Howdy Diamond Jim,” she says to the fat diamond dog, who recently received a cider bath. “How’s the luck tonight?”
“Ruff,” Jim replies, earning him a laugh, and a smile.
“And how about you big fellah,” she says, approaching a huge muscular Pegasus, with tiny wings. “Having a good time?”
“YEAH!” he shouts in reply.
“That’s good, just don’t pop a vein on me now,” she says toying with his mane, causing the completely white Pegasus to blush crimson.
She trots back onstage as the interlude ends to finish,
“Unforgivable...
In every way,
And forever more...
That's how you'll stay.
That's why, darling, it's so regrettable,
That somepony so unforgivable,
Thinks that I am...
Unforgivable, too...”
A thundering of applause resounds off the walls as Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, takes a deep full bow, all the while sucking in the excess love and adoration of all those around her. Beside me I hear the rustle of fabric as someone settles into the single seated table that the barkeep wedged in beside the piano, to get that one last extra bit from a customer. A quick glance to the side informs me that it’s the new girl from the bar. What’s more, she seems to be looking more at me than at the stage. Interesting...
“You play quite well,” she says, sipping her drink. Something with more fruit in it than alcohol.
“Thanks,” I say, still more focused on what I’m doing than what she’s saying.
“I’m Ori by the way,” she says, trying to keep the conversation alive.
I miss a note for the first time that I can remember. Not that I haven’t heard more unusual names than hers. You’d be amazed at what some parents will do to their children. No, see I got this thing, a talent. I can always tell when someone is lying to me. It doesn’t matter what species they are, or how good at it they’ve become, it’s just something I know. This comes in real handy in my current profession, and in my REAL profession as well.
So when this fresh of the bus young thing sidles up to me and says her name is Ori, and that little voice in my head starts saying ‘she’s lying’ and ‘telling the truth’ at the same time, it catches me off guard. VERY interesting...
“They call me Johnny,” I say by way of reply.
“Well Johnny,” she says, “would it be terribly forward of me, if I offered to buy you a drink?” She asks, trying to sound casual about it.
“Sure,” I say, “if you are still here when I finish my shift.” I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, trying to gauge her interest as I continue to play. She offers up a smile, and turns to watch the show.
Between sets we engaged in small talk, ‘what’s a nice mare like you, yadda, yadda,’ neither of us really saying anything. It was more about the body language. And with a body like hers, she could have been speaking zebra and I would’ve got the message. Finally after what seemed like a week, my shift ended. As I rose from my piano stool, she rose with me, grabbing her coat.
“What about that drink?” I ask. I was actually looking forward to trying that fruit filled concoction that she had been nursing for the last few hours. It was making me hungry.
“Why don’t I make you one at my place?” she says.
Suddenly my appetite increased dramatically, and the fruit became optional. I started toward the door, but she stops me with a hoof on my arm.
“Is there another way out of here? She asks. “Something more... discreet?”
Oh ho, somepony cares about their image. Doesn’t want to be seen strutting out with the piano player. My eyes drift over her once again. Her rich mocha coat, eyes like emeralds, that dark brown mane, and an ass you could bounce a ten bit coin off of.
“Sure,” I say. “Allow me to escort you to the stage door in back.” Hey, I got no shame. If this dame was any hotter, the sprinklers would go off.
We emerged into the back alley. The sole source of illumination was the light directly above the door. No sooner had the door closed and our hooves hit the cobblestones than a low guttural voice emerges from the darkness.
“Annnd gotcha.” it says.
From the deeper gloom of the alleyway a middle aged diamond dog in one of the most tastelessly tacky suits I've ever seen, moves to the edge of the circle of light thrown off by the streetlight above. Flanking him on either side are two other diamond dogs. These specimens are about a foot taller, bulky and muscular, and by the looks of things about as bright as the alley they emerged from. Their naked brutish forms just screamed ‘goon’.
Standing where they were, at least a lunge and five paces out of reach, you could tell they had done this before. Not to mention that they were blocking the only way out of the alley. Well, the only way out of the alley for THEM.
Their appearance had an immediate effect on my companion.
“B-but how did you find me? I was sure that no one followed me here.” She said, her voice desperate.
The older diamond dog in the back merely tapped the side of his nose.
“Lady,” he says, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. “You may be long on looks, but you gotta be short on brains. This nose has been tracking your scent ever since you left dat apartment you been stayin at. Now word has it that you been sticking YOUR nose, where it don’t belong. My boss, he don’t like that. He’s a real PRIVATE kind of guy. So he pulls me inna his office and asks me real nice like if I, and a couple of my friends, would be so good as to track you down and kill you, just as a warning not to do dat no more. I’m like sure, nothing good on the ponaudio, so here we are. Now your friend here, him I got no steer with, if you wanna go, then go. Or stay and play da hero, and we kill youse too. I’m good either way, take a minute an talk it over.”
By Celestia diamond dogs are stupid!
I whisper to Ori, “when I give the word, just teleport out of here.”
“I-I’m not really good at that.” She whispers back in a frightened tone.
Oh for the Love of Luna, the things I go through to make the ‘plot’ thicken.
“Fine,” I whisper back, “just stay put ‘till I get there,” I say, and then I do something very few unicorns can do. I teleport someone else away, and stay where I was. This DID NOT sit well with my new friends.
The dog in back rips his fedora off his head and throws it down on the ground in front of him, stomping on it in anger. Really, it can only improve the look of it.
“You dirty no good yeti bucking son of a goat!” he says, reaching into his blazer and pulling out a large caliber M.I.S.P.P.L., and pointing it in my direction.
I am insulted. Some of my former friends were goats. As for the yeti thing, well... it was a party... and it was dark... and I had too much cider... Way too much cider...
“My young friend, two things are about to happen.” The poorly dressed dog was saying. “First, you are going to tell me where you sent the dame. Then, we are going to kill you... A lot.”
“Shouldn’t that be OR you’re going to kill me a lot?” I ask.
“Look wise ass,” he says, losing his patience, “evidently you don’t know who you’re dealing with. There are worse things than being beaten to death. I’ll have youse know that I am the right paw dog for da ‘Butcher’ himself!”
Oh Luna’s Sweet Nethers of Darkness! So much for just teleporting away.
“Really?” I say, sounding impressed. I concentrate for a moment and silently teleport, but not too far. The next thing Mr ‘fashion sense’ feels is the cold brass muzzle of my M.I.S.P.P.L. pressed against his cheek.
“Well I’m Carmane Santihaygo... Guess where I am?” I say, before splattering the wall with diamond dog brains and really cheap cologne. As his headless body falls to the pavement I quickly move directly between the two goons.
“Hi fellas, how’s the health plan?” Almost as if they were operating with one mind, (which is half a brain more than I gave them credit for), they raise their own weapons in unison, and point them at either side of my head. As their paws squeeze on the triggers I teleport back to my original position, just in time to see a large hole appear in each of their chests. “Sheesh, apparently it’s great.” I add.
Gods diamond dogs are dumb.
I take a few moments to take stock of the situation. In Whinnyappleous there is a short list of beings that you did NOT get on the wrong side of. Luna was at the top, but ‘The Butcher’ was only four names lower. He was almost an urban myth. No pony knew his real name, or where his base of operations was. But he was here, in this city. All the carnivores in the city knew about him, when they wanted meat, he was the only game in town. And it was widely known that Pony was definitely on the menu. They say life is cheap in Manehatten, heh, in Whinnyappleous it was sold by the pound.
I look at the mess around me. Not too bad. No way to hide the scent trail that led them here, but in about thirty minutes when all the performers leave, they’ll be no way to pick out mine and Ori’s scents. Going to have to clean up the bodies though. No help for it, I’m going to have to do something I shouldn’t. I case the rest of the alley to make absolutely sure there is no one to see what I’m about to do. Even a career homeless would go screaming to Luna’s tower if they witnessed what was about to occur. Once I am satisfied I’m not being watched, I unleash the ‘Creeping Death’ spell on the corpses, and again on the brain splattered wall.
Now the slow version of this spell causes a slow and agonizing death to the victim, as everything organic it comes in contact with disintegrates into free oxygen. It’s amazingly good for interrogation. I used an accelerated version, that quickly removed all traces that the trio were ever here, except for the few non organic items that they had been carrying. I threw the belt buckle and zipper from the cheap suit in a nearby trash can, kept the guns, and then stopped still, looking at the golden mound left over as the last of Mr. ‘fashion sense’ dissolved into the ether.
Holy crap! Holy Goddess Crap! Bits. LOTS of bits. Lots of high denomination bits. Hell, I’d never even seen a five hundred bit coin before, let alone a PILE of them. There was far more here than for a simple hit. I was looking at a pile of blood money pure and simple. The payoff for ponies lives. Lives that were turned into food for diamond dogs, and wendigo’s and... humans. By all the gods, THAT was what I hated about humans the most. A lion, or Ursa, or even a diamond dog was just following it’s nature. It was born a carnivore, it HAD to eat meat. But a human... A human had a choice. They could chose a vegetarian lifestyle if they wanted to. And I heard that on the other side of the portal some of them do. But I have yet to see one of them in THIS city chowing down on a hayburger. Sick twisted bastards every one of them. CHOOSING to consume the flesh of other animals. It sends a shudder down my spine just thinking about it. I looked down at the pile of shiny clean bits, I could practically hear the wail of lost souls drifting up from it, crying for justice. Then I scooped them all up and stuffed them in the pockets of my suit. Well of course I kept them. Lost souls don’t need to pay the rent, and I had an identity I needed to establish, but if it helps, I felt really bad about doing it. Besides that I had the feeling that some of this was going to be needed for a large bribe very soon.
I did a quick scan of the area, made sure I didn’t miss anything, and then teleported home. Ori was still there, good. She was sitting quietly on my thrift store sofa, trying to compose herself. I wasted no time shattering that.
“You set me up!” I accuse, startling her. I learned quiet teleportation as part of my training before I came here. Like the ‘Creeping Death’, I’ve found it very useful, especially when you want to catch someone off guard. I expected a denial from her, or maybe her bursting into tears, instead I get the truth. Or at least that’s what the thing in my head was telling me.
“Yes, I came to that club to see you specifically. And yes, I knew those thugs were after me, but you have to believe me, I DIDN’T know that they followed me to you.”
That last part rang true, and it calmed me down somewhat.
“Alright. Let’s say I believe you. Why were you coming to see me of all ponies, I don’t know you, never set eyes on you before. Believe me, I’d remember. And how in Luna’s Darkest Night did you get on the wrong side of ‘The Butcher’?” I ask, as I fall bonelessly into the chair across from her, the adrenaline rush from recent events finally beginning to ebb away.
“I am on,” she says, almost dramatically, “a mission from Maud.”
I wait a moment, expecting more. When I don’t get it, I force myself to ask. “Okay, and who is Maud?”
“You don’t know?” she asks startled. “I assumed you did, it was her and Celestia that told me to make contact with you when I got here.”
“Celestia?!? Oh hells no,” I think to myself. “She wouldn’t. No, no way. There’s no way that she would jeopardize all that work, all those months of training and sacrifice, all the effort to get me in here unnoticed just to help out some charity case.” I was apparently lost in mental rage for longer than I thought, because the next thing I hear is.
“Are you okay? Did you remember something?” Ori (and that name is still open to debate), asks, her voice sounding concerned.
“It’s nothing,” I say shrugging it off. “Look just tell me from the beginning. Why are you here?”
“Alright. It’s simple enough. A little over a week ago... suntime, I guess is your term for time passing on the outside, or a two weeks ago darktime, if you prefer.” she says, trying to appease. I wave her to continue. “Anyway, my younger sister decided to move to the city. She kept seeing all the pony propaganda that Luna was displaying all over Equestria. After our father Apple Butter, died in the last Changling ‘peacekeeping initiative’, our mother Maud, moved us back to the family farm. Now I’ll be the first to admit it was boring, but to my younger sister who had only known the high society of Canterlot, it was positively stifling.
She would spend hours every day trying to persuade mom to move back. But mom could be as stubborn as a rock at times. She wanted nothing more to do with the Canterlot that she blamed for taking her husband away, and she was determined that her daughter was going to have no part of it as well. It was not long after that posters and fliers had begin to circulate about what was going on in Whinnyappleous. In almost no time Cocoa, that was my sister’s name, changed her focus to the idea of starting over here. She tried and tried to get mom to leave, but she remained adamant. As far as she was concerned, the farm was going to be where she stayed until her dying day.
Well, like I said, a little over a week ago ‘suntime’, we woke up to find that she had gone. She left a note saying how much she loved us, but that she was moving to Luna’s city. She told us she would write as soon as she was able. Mom became frantic with worry, and so did I. Cocoa was barely older than a filly, and she was going to try to make it on her own in an unknown city? She had to find her somehow, so she called up her sister.”
“And who was her sister?” I ask, interrupting. She looks at me like I have lost my mind.
“Oh come on now. You HAVE to know who her sister is! Every pony knows Pinkie Pie. One of the six heroes that defeated Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis, Discord, Tirek. What, were you raised under a rock?” She asks me scandalized.
Finally the bit dropped. Maud PIE, sister to Pinkie Pie. No wonder Celestia got involved. Aside from being heroes, those six were her personal friends. She’d never refuse a request from one of the six. And Ori here was a blood relative of one of them.
“Ori isn’t your real name.” I asked, taking a stab in the dark.
“Well, kind of,” she replies. May real name is Shea. Shea Butter. But I didn’t want to use my real name here in case my sister was trying to hide from us, so the name I registered as was Ori. It means the same thing.” She adds.
“That explains it,” I think to myself. That’s what the thing in my head was reacting to. It’s kind of like the ‘Derpy, ‘Ditzy Doo’ thing. But she’ll always be Derpy to me... seven more years, just seven more years...
I shake myself from my thoughts, “go on,” I say.
“Well, two days after my mom contacted her sister, a letter arrived from Celestia herself. She told us to make contact with you once we go to the city, and that you would take care of the rest. That you were good at this sort of thing.” She looks over at me as I facehoof, silently cursing Celestia. “Well, mom had been getting on in years, and Whinnyapplous was a long way from the farm, even by train. So I told her that I could handle it on my own.” She eyes me critically for a moment. “Now before you say anything, I’m no frail filly. I was born and raised on a rock farm. I’m plenty strong and tough. Strong as any full bred earth pony.” she says proudly.
I shake my head. Why does every pony from mixed parents feel the need to prove themselves? “So then what happened?” I ask, diverting the subject.
“Well, mom was reluctant at first, but she knew that unlike my sister, that I could take care of myself. I made my way to the city, registered as Ori, and found myself a place to stay. Now looking back I probably should have looked you up as soon as I got here. But well, I wanted to at least TRY to find her on my own. Just a few days, I told myself. If I couldn’t, then I would come and find you.
So I started my search, asked around the bus hubs, and restaurants, showed pictures of her to Luna’s policing force. With no results. On the second day I started checking the less reputable places, the liquor stores, and the night clubs, just on the outside chance that some pony had seen her. It was while I was asking patrons in line outside of a club, that a voice called to me from an alleyway. There was a homeless pony just outside of the lights from the street. He had seen my sister! Two days ago she had stopped and given him a few bits for soup. My sister always had a kind heart. But, the pony said, as she had left, he saw that she was being followed by some very tough looking ponies. He said they worked for somepony called ‘The Butcher’. I asked him more about this ‘Butcher’, but he shark away from me, and just said “you stay away from him missy, he’s bad, real bad. If your sister got mixed up with him, then she’s already dead.”
Now I became alarmed. I thought the worst that could have happened to her was that she was out of work, maybe without food or a place to stay. I had no idea that this city was so... dangerous. Well, now that I had a lead, I started making inquires on where I could find this ‘Butcher’. That was yesterday. This morning when I was coming back from breakfast I saw those three toughs outside my apartment. That’s when I knew I was in over my head, and came looking for you. You weren’t home when I finally made it to the address that Celestia gave mom, but your landlady told me where you worked, so I came there. I was going to wait until you got off work and came here to tell you all this, but they were waiting for us. You know the rest.”
I nodded. “They probably got tired of waiting, and busted in your place. Once they had your scent, they just circled around until they picked it up and followed you here.”
“What am I going to do? Those goons will just find me again. I have to find my sister!” she says frantically.
“Calm down. Calm down.” I reply soothingly. “You don’t have to worry about those three any longer. They are gone, and won’t be back,” I tell her truthfully. (Well unless you count accidentally breathing them, in the air).
I get up and walk to the fridge. I buy my hard cider in bulk, saves time and money. I pull out a half gallon jug, grab two mostly clean glasses and pour us a drink.
“I-I’m not really a heavy drinker.” she says, accepting the proffered glass in spite of her words.
“Just sip it, it’ll help calm your nerves,” I say. “Just sit here for a little while, listen to the ponaudio if you like.” I say indicating the set on a side table. “I’m going in the other room and get in touch with my boss. Then after that, I’ll see what I can find out about your sister.” I tell her this and feel bad. I already know what happened to her sister. But if I just tell her, without doing ANYTHING, then she won’t believe me. And besides, I really did want to have a few words with my boss. I make sure she understands how to work the ponaudio, and then make my way into the bedroom and lock the door.
I sit at a small desk next to my dilapidated bed, both also from the nearby thrift store, and begin to write.
“Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that diamond dogs were really, really stupid, and also that they have no fashion sense.
Also, WHAT THE BUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?
Are you TRYING to blow my cover? Do you WANT to get me killed by the ‘Butcher’?
I’ve got a clueless half unicorn sitting on my sofa who thinks I’m going to somehow find her sister for her. The only way I’m going to find her sister at this point is if I buy up all the illegal hamburgers in town and do an identity spell on them! And now, NOW, I’m going to have to contact ‘The Butcher’ and make sure he doesn’t put a hit on me, oh, and somehow get him to call off the one on the still living sister.
SERIOUSLY... WHAT THE BUCK?!?
P.S. Thank you for the muffins, they were delicious as always. Please deduct the price of a red velvet cake from next weeks pay stipend and enjoy it.
Yours under threat of death,
D.”
I reach into a drawer in the desk and pull out a simple white candle. I place it in a holder on my desk and light it. Moments later I let the letter burn, as the magic of the candle sends it directly to Celestia. I wait, watching the flickering of the candle flame. Within five minutes, the flame rises as I get my reply.
I deftly snatch the letter out of the air with practiced ease, and by the light of the candle I begin to read.
“Dear Tenacious D,
Yes, diamond dogs can seem to be silly creatures at times from a pony perspective, but they are as the creator made them, so one shouldn’t make disparaging remarks based on their nature. That being said, feel free to make disparaging remarks on INDIVIDUALS as you see fit.
Also, I’M YOUR BUCKING BOSS! THE DAY YOU GET WINGS TO GO WITH THAT HORN AND A CROWN AROUND IT, THEN YOU CAN RUN YOUR MOUTH! UNTIL THEN IT’S
“YES MA’AM, NO MA’AM, MY YOU ARE CERTAINLY LOOKING YOUNG AND SEXY TODAY, PLEASE HAVE SOME BUCKING CAKE!”
“Look my lovely, I was asked to do this by Pinkie Pie herself. And before you say a word, yes, there may or may not have been cake involved. But the point is, there was no realistic way I could turn down her request for help. And if I sent anyone ‘official’ inside, it would draw attention to our operation, and risk upsetting the apple cart. So be a good little colt, and sort it all out wont you? Now just this once, because it’s a favor, I have added an extra thousand bits to your account, which you can withdraw immediately as needed to smooth over matters with ‘The Butcher’. He’s been on THE LIST for awhile now, but you are not allowed to ‘do anything’ about him until our objectives are met. After that however, I will add a rather large bonus to your account the moment his name is checked off it.
Oh and another thing. DO NOT sleep with the sister. I’m serious about this. She is a blood relative to one of the six, and under no circumstances is your bloodline allowed the chance to mingle with one of theirs. To make sure you take me seriously on this, CIRIX METRAXIS ENUM.”
Oh, that sneaky flying rat. I look down as the spell lifts off the page, activated by my reading it, it moves down to my arm and the runes of previous spells flair into visibility. Painlessly the new spell weaves itself into the pattern that already exists, and then they all fade away. I return to reading.
“Hah, by ME you are sooo easy! That was an addendum to your death spell. You now have an INCENTIVE not to sleep with her. If it really becomes a problem, I’ve enclosed some pictures to make things easier for you. ;)
P.S. Thank you so much for the cake. In your next shipment of muffins, expect some wonderful coffee beans that one of my traders has found in a place called Jamareca. I think you will find it to your liking.
Thinking of you fondly,
DJ Big Momma C.”
Ooh, new coffee, I perk my ears up. She certainly is a thoughtful malicious flying bitch queen. Now I need to do something really nice for her for her next birthday. Hmm, what do old ponies like? I causally glace at one of the pictures she sent. My face goes beet red. Apparently what old ponies like is the same thing YOUNG ponies like. Freeow! That’s a keeper...
Tucking the letter and pictures under my mattress, I silently teleported three blocks away and thirty feet down. I was on the 113th street undertrain station platform. The undertrains were another wonderful innovation of Whinnyappleous. Fast moving steam powered trains that ran underneath the city itself. Below the train level was the vast network of the Whinnyappleous sewer system, and below THAT was ‘The Shaft’. The Shaft ran vertically straight down over a mile and then branched out into the vast network of the copper and tin mines where the materials for all of Luna’s steam powered technology came from. I had no intention of going any lower than I was though. I was looking for someone, and it only took me a moment to find him. Actually, it looked like he had spotted me first because he was making his why through the crowd in my direction, when he got to the edge of the stairway where I was standing he carefully began tucking the wallets and coin purses he picked up along the way into the many pockets of his tattered coat. He was the only pony I knew whose cutie mark was that of a hoof with a bit stuck to it.
“Evening Easy,” I say. Much like myself that isn’t his real name, but in his case he just liked being called ‘Easy Money’.
“Johnathan! To what do I owe the pleasure of such esteemed company?” He says by way of return.
I shake my head. Even after all these years in Luna’s city he still talks like the Hayvard professor he used to be. Why he is here as a common grifter is a mystery I never solved. His I.Q. is off the chart, he could name his post in either Celestia's or Luna’s cabinet, and I told him as much. He just laughed at me and told me he was EXACTLY where he was always meant to be. Thing is, he said it with such certainty and conviction that I have to assume he must be right. I mean hey, he’s smarter than I am, whose to say he isn’t right?
“I need a favor Easy. A bad nasty, really wish I wasn’t about to ask for it favor. And you are the only pony I know who can get it done.” I say grim faced.
“That’s not a good look for you Johnathan.” He says shaking his head. “That’s the look of fear combined with altruism. The first is good and healthy in this city, the second will get you killed.”
“Yeah, I know, but I got no choice. By proxy I am on...” Jeez, this time I was the one pausing dramatically, “A mission from Maud.”
This caused an immediate reaction from my friend. Without another word he grabs the lapels of my jacket and drags me deeper into the shadows. “Maud Pie has a mission for you of all ponies?” he asks in disbelief. “Whole story. You, spill, now.” He says piercing me with his gaze. Over the course of the next few minutes I tell him the whole thing, excluding the parts about Celestia, my real job, and my ‘special’ abilities. He listens intently, only interrupting to clarify certain points. I lie when I have to, he knows when I do, he also knows that if I am lying then it’s because I have to, and I know he knows this. Conversations between the two of us invariably end with me getting a headache, he of course has no problem keeping up.
“So, let me see if I can deduce why you have come to me,” He says finally. “You need me to get word to the Butcher that A. He wont have any more problems from a certain curious young mare. B. Three of his henchmen will no longer be returning. C. That you are both VERY SORRY for any inconvenience that you have caused him, and D. If he would be so kind as to let both matters drop, that a large cash gratuity would shortly find it’s way into his possession. Does that about sum things up?” he asks.
I simply nod in agreement.
“The only question I have left is how large a gratuity are we talking about? The goons he lost wont really bother him, he has more goons than he can count... literally. I mean they just keep breeding down there... however the loss of face, now THAT he wont like. I’m not sure you can afford the cost of forgiveness on this one.” He says sadly.
I name an amount. It’s the entire thousand Celestia gave me, as well as over half the blood money I found on the bodies. I still had enough left over, if I was smart with it, to finance my Detective Agency. Of course that all depends on what happens in the next few hours. “And he isn’t really losing face,” I add wheedling, “his goons said that the hit was just a warning not to go snooping into his business. I think we can safely say that it won’t ever happen again.” Well, not that The Butcher will ever know about it, I think to myself. Something must have shown on my face, because Easy gave me one of those long looks of his.
“Riiiight.” he says. “Well, putting it that way, and giving the rather generous amount of compensation that I will in no way inquire as to how you came to posses. I think that it might be enough for you to squeak by.”
“When will I know for sure?” I ask. I don’t want to be pushy, but until I know otherwise, I have to assume I am in some pony’s cross hairs.
“Meet me here in say, two hours. I’ll either give you good news, or a head start.” Easy reaches out a hoof and shakes mine, his hoof comes away with one of the five hundred bit coins I recently acquired.
This isn’t the safest thing I ever asked him to do, and it sure isn’t the safest thing I ever did. Technically speaking The Butcher didn’t know a thing about me. The easiest thing I could have done was kill the goons, take the money, teleport back home, kill the dame, and fugeddaboudit. And maybe if my training had stuck better that’s what I would have done. But there’s this annoying thing in my head that forces me to be stupid. It starts with a ‘C’ and ends with me needing a long drink. So with nothing else to do I teleport back. I open my bedroom door and return to the living room, an excuse ready on my lips for what has taken me so long. Turns out I didn’t need it. What I did need was to go to the fridge and get out another bottle of cider. This was due to the mysterious disappearance of the entire half gallon that I had left out on the table. It didn’t take a massive amount of my detective skills to deduce that the culprit was most likely the unconscious mare sprawled across my sofa. Apparently Miss ‘I’m not really a heavy drinker’ had ‘sipped’ away an entire half gallon of Granny Apple’s Black Label. From the way she was sawing wood, she’d be out until secondnight the next day.
I sat down in my recliner, cool cider in my glass. I took a long pull and regarded my sleeping companion. She shifted her rear in such a way as to draw my attention. I had... a very impure thought. The runes on my arm flared a sickly green. Oh buck me with Tirek’s horn! Celestia had been serious! She actually tied my death spell to this dame. I felt... well... violated. That death spell was a very personal thing. Between me and the princess. To whore it out to just any pony that came along.... Ori shifted in her sleep again. The runes flared... again. BUUUUCK! I still had the better part of an hour and a half to go. Part of me was hoping that the Butcher refused my request and sent a hit pony along to the meeting just to put me out of my misery. I turned away and stomped back to my room, got out a pen and parchment and began to write...
“Dear Sick Twisted Sunbitch...” An hour and ten minutes later I finished with “...the gardener, the Canterlot Philharmonic, AND my third grade magic teacher... SIDEWAYS!” I glanced at the time, crumpled up the entire letter and destroyed it with my magic. Hell no I wasn’t sending that to the princess... Deep down she was a really sweet and caring pony... plus, she could kill me on the spot... slowly.
I teleport back early. Find myself some deep shadows and wait. Easy comes back a short time later. I make sure he hasn’t been tailed, and then reveal myself.
“Fortune smiles on the faithful and the foolish.” He says with a smile.
“And I am?” I can’t help but to ask.
“YOU are the third thing... lucky.” He says still smiling. “Naturally I didn’t speak to The Butcher himself. But I got word to a guy, who got word to a guy, who knew a guy, that could get word to a guy...”
“Stop...please,” I say holding up a hoof. “If you do the whole thing at some point we will have gone through the entire city census. Long story short.”
“You and your friend are free and clear. Long explanation short, He seems to think that one of the boys you vanished had been skimming off the top. It didn’t take him long to realize that the money you are offering as a bri- I mean gratuity, was probably his to begin with. One might almost say that you did him a favor.” Easy says, letting the word hang.
I knew a double edged sword when I saw it. I hold up both hooves and respond, “no, no. Nothing of the sort. Even is what we are, very clean and even. No favors of any kind are due.” This seems to have been the right response, because Easy let’s out a huge sigh of relief.
“You my friend, are very wise for your age. I will relay your message back up the line. I’m sure he will be as happy to see the end of this matter as you are.” Easy says patting me on the shoulder.
“Somehow I doubt that very much.” I say. “Now to go back home and figure out what I am going to tell the mare that is sleeping on my sofa.”
Easy cocks an eyebrow, I shake my head, his eyes widen for a moment in surprise. Before he can say anything smart, I teleport home. I seriously need to work on my reputation.
The next day I fill Ori in on the events of the previous night, once again avoiding any mention of my boss. She was pissed.
“You PAID them OFF!” oh, yeah, she did pissed off really well. “What the buck is wrong with you? We had a lead, we could’ve gone to Luna’s Policing Force. He’s got my sister somewhere and tried to have me killed. You think I’m just going to walk away? Hells no! Where is this person you used to get word to The Butcher? I’m going to drag him back up that chain all the way to the top even if I have to do it dragging him by his D-”
“SHUT... UP!” I roar, loud enough to interrupt her tirade. She stops, shocked. “Now SIT DOWN!” I roar again. She sits down without thinking, barely hitting the edge of the chair. I can do pissed really well too. “Now take your hooves out of your ears and listen to what I have to say. Yes, I paid him off. I did that so we wouldn’t be killed in our sleep. No, Luna’s policing force wouldn’t have lifted a hoof to help us because ‘officially’ no such being as The Butcher exists. And even if he did exist, he has enough people behind him to turn this city into a war zone if Luna every tried to remove him. And HE isn’t even the most dangerous being in this city that would get involved if a war broke out. Your sister,” I start to say, and then change gears. “I’m sorry Ori, but your sister is long dead.” I expect her to break down at this point, but the only reaction I get is a firmly set jaw, and a look of grim faced determination. I know that look, she isn’t going to let this go.
“And what about you?” she asks, catching me off guard.
“What about me?’ I reply, honestly curious.
“You aren’t a bad pony. You saved my life. You went to bat for me and bribed them to let us go. You didn’t have to do that, you could have just walked away. You aren’t going to just let this go are you?” she asks, looking into my eyes, searching for something. She wants to see justice, vengeance, righteous indignation... something that I just don’t believe is there anymore.
But then I feel it. That spark. That pure blue white light that has burned inside of me since before my parents died and left me all alone on the streets of Canterlot. Buck me, it’s still there... After all this time, and all the crap I've slogged through, it's still there... And then the whole world moves inside me.
“No.” I say, it comes out as a whisper. “No,” I say again louder this time. “No I ain’t just going to let it go.” I return Ori’s gaze, and I feel something inside me that shakes me to the core. I say the stupidest thing I have ever said since I came to this city. “I promise you Ori, I can’t tell you how, or when, but he WILL pay. I will bring his entire sick twisted meat eating organization down on his head. And then when he knows his ruin, only THEN will I kill him.” It was a crazy, childish, foolish thing to say. I meant every word of it. Somehow I would find a way. Leverage, bribery, Hell maybe just a big bucking bomb in his train car, but somehow I knew I would find a way to succeed.
Ori decided to stay. Oh she went home, explained things to her mother as best she could. They held a funeral minus the coffin at the edge of the woods on Maud’s family farm. Ori asked me to go with her, so I did. I met Maud, and the Pies, including Pinkie. It was the first time I ever saw her, even in pictures, with her hair down. It made my heart hurt. Celestia was in attendance. After the funeral was over I made my excuses and Celestia teleported me back to the castle for a visit. By the time I left we were both in better spirits. I took a train back as far as I could, enjoying the sunlight. It had been many years ‘darktime’ since I had seen it. It was warm and good. I could almost feel the taint of the city burning away in Celestia’s loving light. But I knew I had to go back. I now had more than one duty to fulfill. I told Celestia about the promise I made, and she gave me her blessing. The Butcher moved higher up on The List. I had picked up a few new spells that had come out since I had been away, and I was looking forward to trying them out.
I met Ori, a day later. She was packed and ready to go. We teleported to the outside of Whinnyappleous. The huge dome of night blotted out the skyline as far as we could see. I had been gone long enough that I didn’t want to go back. But I had a job to do.
See the thing is, Luna isn’t evil. She isn’t Nightmare Moon. She genuinely believes in what she is selling. A city of peace and harmony. With technology to make every pony’s lives better. She wants it dark in there? Well, that’s her aspect, it’s not so bad, many beings prefer the night. But just like anywhere else, where there is a system, there will be beings who seek to exploit it. I have counterparts in Manehatten, The Crystal Empire, Canterlot, even Ponyville. Highly trained operatives, with specific objectives. It’s hard, it’s dangerous, and the rewards are few and far between. But we WILL save this world, and kick ass while doing it...
“That’s it, all done,” Ori says wearily, tossing the last shard of wood into a bowl on the desk. The wounds in my side close as Ori’s healing magic does it’s job. She’s learned a lot since she’s got back. It makes my job a lot easier. She begins to sterilize my missing tooth, preparing to restore it to my jaw. This isn’t going to feel good either. I take another pull of cider, and let my mind drift off to what got me into this condition in the first place...
Chapter 5
An Offer I Can’t Refuse
The first thought I had upon waking was to wonder how exactly did the drum section for the Canterlot Philharmonic manage to fit inside my head. The follow up was to wonder why each of them were playing Throughbred Zeppelin’s ‘Pony Trick’ drum solo all at the same time. Both of these thoughts became moot however once I opened my eyes and found myself staring down the barrel of some pony else’s M.I.S.P.P.L.
Yup, now I was fully awake.
“Mr. Appleseed,” a voice said from over my shoulder. “So glad you could join us.”
“It seems I wasn’t given much choice.” I reply, not looking away from the goon with the gun. He was a pegasus with a sickly green coat, and a dark red mane. From they way he was sitting, I couldn’t make out his cutie mark. He lacked the usual slack jawed continence of your average goon. No, this one was alert. Crafty. I’d have to watch this one. The voice behind me spoke again.
“Please forgive my associates for their rather clumsy invitation to join us. I would have much preferred to go through more civilized channels, but time sadly is of the essence. And there is too little of it to spend on making and keeping appointments.” The speaker finally moved into my line of sight as he walked over to a small writing desk, pulled out a chair and sat facing me.
He was a pony... I think. But a really really large one. Quite possibly the fattest pony I have ever seen. Look, I mean this guy was big. Like ‘I save money by going to buffets every day’ big. Put it like this, each gesture he made took an extra minute for the wobbling to stop. That at least explained his rather deep, although wheezy voice. I caught a glimpse of his cutie mark before he sat down, it was of two scrolls wrapped in a red ribbons. A moment later, another pony entered the room bearing a tea tray which he placed before that large guy. Him I recognized, he was the one who was tailing me... my ‘distraction’. I turned my attention back to the pony with the gun.
“This is going to go a whole lot easier if your friend would find another place to put his toy.” I said, as I scanned the room I was in. It was an upscale place. Good furniture, nice rug. This was good. I probably wasn’t going to be shot here. Had I awoken to say, an empty warehouse, or the back of a cart out in the country, I’d be a bit more concerned. I guess this means Luna was right. Wait Luna? Why would I think that? Something... something in the back of my mind, I almost had it, but my train of though was derailed as the fat guy spoke again.
“I couldn’t agree more. Blackjack, please put away your weapon. I wouldn’t want Mr. Appleseed to get the wrong impression. After all we are all civilized ponies here. Care for some tea Mr. Appleseed?” He asked.
“No thanks,” I replied. “And you can call me Johnny, Mr.- ?”
“Gutson, Canasta Gutson” he replied. “I believe you already met my associate Mr. Rook, and the gentlepony in front of you we just call Blackjack.”
“Charmed,” I say, inclining my head. Now that I had my wits about me I had already figured out half a dozen ways to safely deal with this situation, from the pedestrian idea of just teleporting home, to the more intense dismantling the entire room and everypony in it (except myself of course). Not that I had any intention of doing either, it just gives me comfort to know that I had options. No, these guys wanted me here for a reason, and I wasn’t going to leave until I knew what it was. Time to show off a bit. I cracked my neck and rose to my hooves before speaking.
“All right Mr. Gutson, I will assume that all of your names are aliases, considering that none of your cutie marks resemble cards. You said your time was short, so let’s see if I can help to move this along. You wish me to retrieve something. An artifact of some history, and you need me to do it quietly, off the books. It’s here in the city somewhere, and you have already exhausted all the purely legitimate means at your disposal, so now you are getting desperate.
“H-how? How could you have known all that?” Mr. Rook asks, his face a mask of shock.
“It’s my job Mr. Rook.” I say, pacing the room. “Mr. Gutson, for example. His cutie make indicates a scholarly life, but his size, and the fact that he is a pony of refined taste, as evidenced by his choice of tea, and tea service, says that he is by no means poor. One might suppose a dealer in antiquities? One could further assume by his choice of companions that these dealings are not always on the right side of the law. You Mr. Rook on the other hoof, are NOT accustomed to these types of things. Judging by your pallor you don’t see the sun much, and since none of you three are natives to this city, one can assume you stay indoors more often than not. Seeing your cutie mark is that of a history book, and that you are associating with Mr. Gutson here, I deduce you to be a researcher, perhaps for a museum. My guess would be the Canterlot Natural History Museum. As to the rest? Simple logic. The fact that you are after something, and want me to find it is the reason you knocked out, and coltnapped a detective instead of killing him. The fact that a museum researcher and an antiquities dealer are both here in person, means that it’s quite old, quite rare, and quite valuable. The fact that your desperate is obvious, by your method of getting me here. And the fact that you are on a time table indicates that some pony else is involved, that is after the same thing. How am I doing so far?”
From his seat Mr. Gutson begins applauding, not a particularly pretty sight as the flab under his forelegs jiggles madly with each clap. Of course I could have told them the real truth... that I bribe a pony at the border checkpoints every week to inform me every time a pony of interest enters the city. Thanks to the photographic memory spell rune on my leg, I knew exactly who they really were. But doing things this way not only made me seem more impressive than I was, but also just seemed to be more fun.
“Bravo, Mr. Appleseed! Bravo! Ah, I mean Johnny of course.” He says correcting himself, as he pours another cup of tea. “Well, I must admit, you are correct in all particulars, but what about Blackjack? You seemed to have overlooked him.”
“Oh? Well, he’s just a goon. Muscle. A gunsel. No one important.” I say, waving a hoof dismissively over my shoulder, not bothering to turn around. I know what I’d see, one really bucking mad goon. Good.
“Quite.” Mr Gutson says, squeezing a wedge of lemon over his cup. “But very useful, you have to admit. A pony in my position isn’t often required to do his own legwork. No, better to hire somepony suited for it. The right tool for the job. So far Blackjack has proven to be up to the task.
And now Johnny, we come to the crux of the matter...”
Mr Gutson rises to his hooves and begins to pace the room. I can only hope that wherever we are that it’s on the ground floor, otherwise any pony in the rooms below must think there is an earthquake going on.
“Johnny you brought yourself to our attention when young Blackjack here spotted you going into the apartment of Miss Babs Seed. Naturally we wasted no time in finding out exactly who you are. Much to our surprise it turns out that you may be exactly the type of pony we need to conclude our business in the wretched town of darkness.” He says, glance out the window into the perpetually darkened streets.
“You see Miss Seed used to work as an associate of Mr. Rook. It was while she was on a visit to see her old friend in Manehatten, a little over a weeks ago, that she first deduced the value of the um, object in question. Mr. Rook had recently come into possession of certain artifacts acquired during an excavation at the ancient Palace of Two Sisters. He had asked Miss Seed her opinion on several of them during her visit. Apparently she recognized one of the pieces for what it really was.
Later that night the museum was broken into, and the artifact was removed. When Mr. Rook tried to contact Miss Seed the following day, she was nowhere to be found. Eventually we learned that she had immediately fled back to this city. One can only assume that she had made contact with a buyer somewhere in the city, and had made plans to make a sale. Unfortunately, as best we can determine both herself, and the object in question have gone missing. This, as they say, is where you came in.”
“I’m beginning to understand.” I said as the pieces fell into place. “You believe that whoever hired me, is this ‘buyer’ you are referring to. You think that between the three of you that I am the one most likely to track down this maguffin of yours, and when I do, you want to be the one to buy me off.”
“A rather crude, but accurate summery, Mr. Appleseed. What do you say?”
“I want five hundred thousand bits, as a ‘finders fee’ for your little object, plus daily expenses, and freedom to do things MY WAY. That means no tails, no shadows, and no more knocks on the head. You might damage a finely tuned instrument... on my skull.”
Mr. Gutson didn’t even blink. “Done. But why, may I ask did you agree so quickly? I would assume my... competition’s offer would be somewhat more... substantial, than what you have just proposed.”
Sweet Celestia’s sun bonnet! Five hundred thousand bits and not so much as an eye twitch? What the hay am I into here? I had hoped to outrage the pony, distract him with some haggling, perhaps get a few more details obliquely. But it looks like I was going to have to play the hoof I was dealt. Time to pony up.
“To be honest Mr. Gutson, I was only hired to find the dame. No mention was made about your little bauble. So in that regard you would be the only one I would be doing business with. I assume you have no real interest in the pony herself, other than locating said bauble, so I don’t really see a conflict of interest. That being said,” I lean forward and look directly into his eyes. “What is it?”
“Indeed sir? Gutson says in mild surprise. “Well, I must say I find that to be somewhat of a relief. Perhaps she has yet to make contact with whomever she intended to sell the object to.”
“What... is... it?” I repeat slowly, enunciating each word, and adding a touch of impatience.
“Mr. Rook, as it is your area of expertise, could you please give ah, ‘Johnny’, a brief history lesson?
Inwardly I groan, as Mr. Rook visibly warms to the topic he is about to launch into. I so hate lectures. And lectures about ancient relics are about as boring as they get. I briefly consider asking Blackjack if he’ll hit me upside the back of the head again, but decide against it... Because I’m pretty sure he would.
“Mr Appleseed, how much do you know about Princess Luna’s history before she became Nightmare Moon?” Rook inquires.
“So there’s a Princess named Luna?” I say by way of reply, causing Rook to facehoof, and earning me a long suffering glance from Gutson. Much as I enjoy being annoying for annoyance’s sake, I had an actual reason for being flippant. Now he should be more focused on the topic at hoof rather than rambling on about every little thing ever minor noble did to goad Luna into her bid for power. I mean really, it’s a dead topic. Luna came back, Luna got better, her sister forgave her, let’s all move on.
“Mr. Appleseed,” Mr. Rook says with obvious disdain, “in the interest of not overburdening your mind, I’ll be brief.”
‘Perfect’, I think to myself.
“During the years before Luna’s transformation, both she and her sister had occasion to acquire themselves pets. As immortals, they didn’t want to go through the loss of a companion after a relatively short time, so they both decided to get a phoenix as a pet. They found two, one of red and gold, the other a nightfire phoenix of purple and black. Celestia named hers Philomina from ‘filia luminis’, or ‘daughter of light’, Luna named hers Philautemnox from ‘filius autem nox’, or ‘son of night’. He being a male pheonix, Luna simply called him Phil.
Shortly after Luna’s transformation and banishment to the moon, her pet phoenix became unconsolable. He would fly frantically about her former master’s room setting everything ablaze, or would sit for weeks at a time continouesly going through his molt cycle.
Celestia, could not bear to see her sister’s pet in such agony, so she placed a stasis spell on him, intending to revive him when and if her sister were ever returned to normal. She placed Philautemnox in Luna’s room on a perch at the foot of her bed. And insured that her room and possions were never to be disturbed.
Unfortunataly in the months following, those of Luna’s royal guard, the Night Watch, who had still remained loyal to their princess, broke into her former quarters and removed everything of value. They and other loyalists fled to the island of Mareta which lies to the south of Bitaly. There they attempted to rally an army to stage a coup, and force Celestia to return their princess to them. This of course failed miserably, and the island was raided, which ended in many arrests.
But despite all of this, the phoenix as well as many other of Luna’s personal belongings, were never recovered. One lone prisoner had this to say upon his interrogation.”
“The phoenix Phil, represents all that we stand for, the eventual rebirth of our beloved princess’s reign over all of Equestria on the night she returns to this world. You shall never find him, for he has been disguised to appear as any normal statue, and he and thousands of other lookalikes have been shipped across all of Equestria! Search all you want sun worshippers, but the symbol of the Night Goddess will forever be beyond your grasp.”
“Oh by the goddess!” I say in disgust, interuppting the researcher’s diatribe. “Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that what you three have been after all this time is the legendary Maretese Phoenix?!?” They all look at me, their expressions unchanging. “You have got to be kidding me. It’s a myth! An old mare’s tale, it doesn’t exist!” I say rising to my hooves, and facing Gutson. “I thought with the exception of Blackjack here, that you were ponies of rational intelligence. You can’t honestly expect me to believe that you came all this way chasing a fairytail?”
“I assure you Mr. Appleseed,” Mr. Gutson says, no trace of levity in his voice, “that we are quite serious.”
“Among the artifacts uncovered at the Two Sisters dig, where several large chests marked with the symbol of the Night Watch,” Rook interrupts. “Upon opening them, the items inside match several of the items depicted in Luna’s bedroom on various paintings and portraits. We now believe that the Night Watch never actually removed her possessions from the castle grounds, but instead simply buried them, planning to unearth them again after their princess returned.”
“You know, you could simply take them to Luna herself for confirmation.” I say as an offhoof remark.
“Don’t be insulting,” Gutson fires back. “Any attempt to officially verify our findings would result in the immediate confiscation of everything we have discovered so far.”
“And that would result in a massive lack of profits for yourselves. Not to mention putting yourselves in a difficult spot with your buyer, whom I assume is funding your little adventure at the moment.” I say.
“Quite. Our buyer, although very generous when one meets with success, is not one to be very forgiving of failure.” Gutson says wiping his brow. He’s been standing for five minutes now, he must be close to exhaustion.
“So you honestly believe that the phoenix exists. And you believe that somehow Babs recognized it, and brought it here. And this is what your willing to pay me five hundred thousand bits, plus expenses to find?” I ask, making sure I have the terms down.
“Yes Mr. Appleseed. Five hundred thousand bits, plus whatever expenses you require to find, and deliver to us, the Maretese Phoenix.
Unbelievable! And I thought diamond dogs were stupid. If word gets out about this I’ll never live it down. I’m a legitimate, moderately well respected detective, Gods, what would my peers say? I might as well start the search for Al Capony’s Vault while I’m at it, or Blackbit’s pirate treasure.
“All right. I’m in.” I say, reaching out and shaking Gutson’s hoof. What? It’s half a million bits! I’d paint myself blue, wear a couple of pasties, and fly around pretending to be Rainbow Dash for half that much.
I concluded my business with them shortly after that. I didn’t trust any of them of course, and they’d be a fool to trust me, but I thought we could manage to do business, at least on the surface. Providing of course, that I could somehow manage to turn up a mythical object. On that note I teleported home, and poured myself a tall cold glass of cider. I turned on the ponaudio, and went to fetch a couple of candles, one white, one black, and some parchment and my quill. I intended to find out right up front just what kind of wild phoenix chase I just agreed to.
Hey, Gutson just said I had to BRING him the phoenix. If it does exist, I had no intention of letting him KEEp it. For one thing, neither one of my bosses at the moment would be very happy if I let THAT bird fly the coup. And for another, I used to have a pet once my own self. A cute little kitten named Scraps. I know how I felt after I lost him...
(Gods I loved that kitty. But one day I came home from school and Mommie told me that he accidentally fell down our well, and went thru a portal to kitty heaven where the mice are slow and fat. I had no idea up until then, that the portal to kitty heaven was at the bottom of our well. I remember the one time I decided to go after him. Sheesh, did mom pitch a fit. She explained that the portal only worked for kitties and that I’d just drown instead. Seems like I spent years trying to learn that stupid metamorphosis spell. Never could manage cat... I wonder if the portal is still up? Oh never mind, back to work...)
It was just about time for one of my favorite shows on the ponaudio, there were many Luna themed shows out there but this one was my favorite, it’s a story about a rich unicorn who had witnessed the brutal slaying of her parents as a foal, and devoted herself to fighting crime dressed as a batpony. As the opening theme to ‘The Dark Knightmare’ started to play, I began composing my letters to the princesses.
Dear Princess Celestia, (the other of course said Luna),
Today I was solicited by three ponies under the aliases of Canasta, Rook, and Blackjack. They apparently saw me while I was investigating Babs’s hotel room. They were also seeking our missing pony, not for herself mind you, but for an artifact they believe to be in her possession. They offered me an inordinately large amount of money, for acquiring them said object. They indicated that their unnamed buyer would reward them handsomely for success, or punish them terribly for failure. This situation may, or may not be related to her disappearance, and or the attempted bombing that took place in my office. Although I could see how this object would be worth a great deal of money to a collector, and how that might be a motive for kidnapping Babs, I can’t see how bombing my office during Princess Luna’s visit, comes into it. But still, I can’t ignore the possibility that the two events might somehow have been connected.
Now to the crux of it. These three ponies have convinced themselves, that somehow Babs has got her hands on the Maretese Phoenix. Yeah, I know, laugh all you want. But they honestly believe it to be real, and that it was unearthed outside the place of Two Sisters from some Night Watch chest that was buried in the ground.
Now as crazy as all of THAT sounds, these guys are actual artifact fences working out of the Canterlot Natural History Museum. I’m going to slow play them until I am able to weasel out the name of their buyer, but I wanted to make you aware of them in any event.
That’s all at the moment.
Sincerely,
wishing I COULD give them the bird... (but, you know... hooves)
Me
I flared off the messages as the first commercial break came on. Before the announcer had finished telling me how vitally important it was for me to buy his cereal (Bunches of Honey’d Oats, or something like that), the first of two letters appeared, followed closely by the second.
I read Celestia’s first.
Holy Bucking ME!
They found it? They actually think they found it?!?
Listen you, do NOT buck this up! If that bird is in that city, FIND IT!
I hereby authorize everything. Blow your cover if you have to, use your alpha rune if you have to, you are officially off the chain. If that bird is in Luna’s city, find it! And for the love of me, DO NOT under ANY circumstances mention any of this to Luna. It broke her heart when she came back to the castle after the six restored her to normal, only to find out what happened to Phil. We cannot risk raising her hopes, just to dash them again if this turns out to be false. I’m serious here, keep your bucking muzzle shut.
P.S. I sincerely hope for her sake that you can, in fact, find her pet. It would mean the world to both of them to be reunited. Succeed in this task, and I promise, that I will finally grant you the one thing that you have always been hounding me about. Fail, and then you’d better pray to somepony higher than me, that Luna never finds out a thing about it...
Sincerly,
Celly
I look at the other letter that has arrived. The one with Luna’s unmistakable seal on the outside.
Oh buck me...
