Semper Ardere

--->>>Ardeo<<<---

After Lulu and Celly saved me from death by cuddles, cackling all the while, the two left to do… whatever it is pony princesses do. But not before Celly asked for my Estus flask to study, I do hope she finds a way to refill it; for whatever reason I have a feeling I’ll need it.

Then the rest of the girls also left to do whatever it is they do.

Leaving me with an inquisitive Twilight and a terrified dragon.

Oh joy of joys!

I looked at Twilight, who was giving me some… interesting looks. Honestly I think she wanted to dissect me or something. Gods I hope not! Though at least if it does happen at least it’s an adorable pony and not one of those fucking Butcher bitches from the Depths!

“So… I’m guessing you want to talk more right?” She nodded her eyes never blinking. Ok I’m starting to get a little freaked out here.

“So… ask away…” Gods I’m sooo going to regret saying that…

And regret it I did.

The next hour I struggled explaining not only the pantheon of my world, excluding the fact I’ve eaten most of their souls, how the various countries are divided, the political climate what ever the fuck that is, and finally attempting to explain the nature of the Darksign and the my paradoxical existence as an undead.

Gods… my head just… aches!

“Is that all?” Please, please, please say yes!

“Well I think that’s enough for today.” What!? “Later I’ll draw up a proper list of questions and a schedule.” Why!? Gods why!?

Something tells me I’m going to love and hate living with this unicorn. Gods… why do I have such a weakness for cuteness?

--->>>All encompassing third person<<<---

“Sister?”

“Yes Lulu?”

“Why do we feel pity for Ardeo?”

“... Oh Maker damn it…”

--->>>Twilight<<<---

I pointedly ignore the look of dawning horror on Ardeo’s face, I don’t see what’s so terrifying. It’s only a few simple questions. With a shrug I look over at Spike, who is now laughing at Ardeo.

“Spike can you go make something to eat?” I look over at Ardeo, “What can you eat?”

“Hmm? Oh well… almost anything really.” I motion for him to continue, “Well I can’t eat hay, grass, and flowers.”

I look over at Spike and motion him to the kitchen, which he does. Maker… I’m really going to have to address his apparent fear of Ardeo… not that I don’t understand. I mean he’s a bucking dragon slayer that is virtually immortal. I mean who wouldn’t be terrified? But looking at him…

“Gods. Damn. Bloody. Hells.”

...I find it very difficult to imagine him as a warrior let alone monster hunter. What is he fussing over anyway? I trot back over to Ardeo, and see him digging through his bag. That defies all magical and scientific laws.

*twitch*

However before I could do any of those breathing exercises Princess Celestia taught me Pinkie Pie barged in, babbled something too fast for me to understand, and snatched Ardeo before dashing back out.

“Maker damn it…” I groaned, “Spike! Forget about making Ardeo anything! Pinkie’s no doubt going to drag him to a party!”

“Okay!” My faithful assistant replied, “Not that I was making him anything anyway…” He muttered which I still heard.

Maker… why did Ardeo have to tell that story? Why?

...I know it’s too early in the day but… Maker… I need a drink...

--->>>Ardeo<<<---

Honestly it happened so fast! One moment I was in the library (treebrary?), and the next I’m in the town square with a ecstatic Pinkie babbling faster than my ears can comprehend! All I could catch was “meeting ponies” and “party” the rest just sounded garbled!

“Pinkie… why did you drag me out here?” I asked dryly, well as dryly as I could after being dragged around like a ragdoll.

“To introduce you to everypony!” She chirped, she still sounded like a hyped up child but I could understand her now.

“...That’s kinda hard when everyone is scared off…” I said motioning towards the now deserted town square.

Pinkie’s face scrunched up in this painfully adorable manner as she looked around the deserted town square, “Oh come on!” She shouted.

I chuckled and mussed Pinkie’s mane, “It’s alright. They’ll come around eventually.” I said soothingly whilst chuckling.

The pink pony pouted and I laughed; then I blinked and she was on my shoulders. Damn she’s fast! Holding on to my forehead, my hat now on her head, she pointed towards this large building made of… gingerbread? … Will I ever stop being surprised by this world? Probably not, but a guy can hope right?

“Onward to Sugarcube Corner!” That’s the places name? Gods… my teeth already ache!

“Yes, milady.” I joked making the bubbly pony giggle.

Gods… I am so glad I used most of the souls I ever collected to make myself stronger. Cause if I were a regular human I’m pretty sure I would’ve collapsed when Pinkie appeared, more or less, on my shoulders.

--->>>Carrot and Cup Cake<<<---

Carrot sighed, today’s an unusually slow day. Well by Ponyville standards anyway.

“Hun? Do you know where Pinkie is!?” Carrot called to his wife.

“She’s out spending time with her new friends!” Cup Cake answered from the kitchen.

Carrot sighed, having forgot about that, but he’s  glad that Pinkie made some new friends. Ever since she showed up in Ponyville Carrot as well as his wife saw the filly as one of their own. So you can imagine how terrified Carrot as well as Cup Cake were when they heard Pinkie went off into the Everfree with her new friends after Nightmare Moon.

“This is where I work! I help the Cakes make all sorts of wonderfulicious, superific, goodies!” Ah there’s Pinkie!

“Pinkie can you go and help Cup in the ba-” Carrot stared, slack jawed, at the giant creature with Pinkie on its shoulders.

--->>>Ardeo<<<---

Huh, my first pony that isn’t one of the “Bearers of the Elements of Harmony” well… I am not impressed. Lanky and scrawny, honestly I’m surprised he’s standing. And I’m assuming he’s male due to different facial structure.

*thud*

Annnd he just passed out. Fainted? Whatever. I absentmindedly removed Pinkie from my shoulders and we both approached the unconscious stallion. Pinkie tried to gently wake the stallion by shaking him and calling his name. Me? I just watched somewhat caught between amused and annoyed.

Seriously the way he just fainted you’d think I barged in howling like a demon, the Gravelord Greatsword at the ready, come to collect his soul or something!

In all honesty I’ve only done that once; when I invaded another undead in a parallel world. Though when I look back at it I sum it up to temporary insanity. I mean I charged the guy bare-ass naked with a Gravelord Greatsword, screaming like a psychotic demon. He was so shocked I don’t think he even realized I split him in two!

Easiest invasion I’ve ever done!

Hmm? Oh he’s waking up! Well then let’s see what he’ll do now. He better not faint again! Seriously that’s bloody annoying!

“M-MONSTER!”

What you gonna do abo- urk! While no where near as strong as Lulu I’m flung back. As I cup my bruised, and quite possibly ruptured, goods I see what little of my life I can remember flash before my eyes. Damn… that was short…

“Ardeo!” Pinkie scrambled over and tried her best to help.

Would’ve helped more if I had my trusty Estus but I gave that to Celly.  Letting out a choked gasp I reached into my bag, which never leaves my side, and I grasped a Divine water. I chugged it down with little hesitation, I almost moan as I could feel the damage to my goods slowly repairing.

Which is odd as normally it’s instant. Huh could this worlds ambient mana be slowing the restorative properties of my healing items?

Something to think of later. Preferably when I’m not in agony or on the end of a terrified/angry pony willing to possibly rupture and/or destroy my masculine pride and joy. I mean sure I don’t want kids, which is kind of a moot point now in a world of ponies, but doesn’t mean I want to be a gods damn eunuch!

“Mr. Cake! What the buck is wrong with you!?” Wow, I think this is the first time Pinkie as possibly ever broke her hyperactive childishness!

The pink pony quickly trotted over to worry over me but I waved her off, all I need now is a bit of time to recover. Not physically, the Divine water took care of that, but to contain my growing anger. Celly, and possibly Lulu I’m not entirely, sure would be upset if she saw me conjure a massive firestorm to incinerate this town. Or at least this building

And believe me, I really want to burn something right now!

I clenched my right hand, which I wore my Pyromancy Flame, and fought down the urge to light the stallion that bucked my balls on fire. That most certainly wouldn’t help my reputation!

Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out I look up and noticed Pinkie hovering over me worried. Heh, cute. I reach up and mess her mane before slowly forcing myself to stand, ignoring the twinges of pain as my goods shifted around. Gods… that sucked so bloody much!

“Why? Why in the seven bleeding bloody bowels of hell would someone do that!?” I admit I was feeling the need to be dramatic at the time.

Yeah… my day was off to a rollicking good start!

...At least I haven’t died yet…

--->>>Celestia<<<---

I gracelessly flopped onto my bed; my dear sister following my example in short order. It has been a long day. Being sealed away in the sun, coming back to find Lulu purged of the Nightmare, mourning over the ‘death’ of Ardeo, then witnessing Ardeo’s resurrection, and everything else!

And then there was reinstating Lulu as Princess as well as restarting the Night court! And the less said about the nobles the better!

Honestly I think rambunctious foals are more reasonable than the nobles!

“Sister what art thou thoughts on Ardeo?” Lulu asked sleepily.

“He’s a pleasant being… despite being undead.” I respond softly.

It’s no secret to anypony but of all magical arts, the Black arts included, there’s one I loathe above all; Necromancy, the magic of the dead. Truly a most perverse and vile art, to think it was originally a type of divination that was twisted and perverted by foul mages. However of all necromancers I have encountered the most vile is the Rebel King Sombra of the Crystal Empire. Well him and his even more vile teacher Grogar!

How he used his magic to enslave the souls of the crystal ponies; living and dead alike.

“Sister, don’t frown thy face shalt stick that way.” I sighed, thinking of necromancy and Sombra always put me in a foul mood it seems.

“I’m sorry Lulu, just remembering things that I wished I wouldn’t.” And there’s so much I wish I could forget!

Lulu simply nodded and we fell silent. Most would find it uncomfortable but between Lulu and I? It allows us a moments peace and to simply relax, how I missed her these moments the last thousand years! I remember when we were fillies, how we would come home from a long day of playing in the forest, we would simply fall onto either one of our beds!

“*sigh*...Come on Lulu. It’s time to set the sun. Let’s see if you haven’t lost your touch.” I teased.

“I hast not lost mine touch!” Lulu protested.

I simply giggled and trotted to the balcony with Lulu nipping at my hooves. Oh I’m so glad to have you back my dear, dear sister!

--->>>Ardeo<<<---

*sigh* Yeah, have getting a buck to the balls… my day kinda snowballed from there. In fact I think the only highlight of my day was getting a cupcake from Pinkie! Man… that was sooo gods damned good! The last time I ever had anything so delicious was… huh? Actually… when was the last time I ever physically consumed something that wasn’t Estus or souls?

That’s… actually kinda depressing actually…

...Moving on…

Aside from that disastrous meeting with Mr. Cake, if only that little shit knew how close he was to being incinerated, my day just… ugh! I honestly don’t want to think about it, in fact other than the six “Bearers” I can honestly say I’m starting to dislike this bloody town!

Of course I couldn’t tell that to Pinkie cause then her mane and tail would go straight and that kinda freaks me out. Why? I haven’t a clue all I know is that Pinkie not being happy is utterly unnatural and mildly terrifying for some reason.

“Ardeo? Why is Pinkie sad!? And why are you limping!?” I give Twilight the deadest deadpan I can give without actually dying.

“This town is filled with cowardly, xenophobic, ponies.” I grumbled, “And apparently not even a party can draw them out of hiding…” I add sourly.

With my peace said I entered the library (treebrary?) and immediately sit down on the pony-sized couch. Uncomfortable yes, but I honestly don’t give a good gods damn right now. Pinkie followed my example, her mane and tail deflated, but instead she planted herself in my lap.

Then without realizing it I started to pet her mane.

I was pulled outta my daze when I heard, and felt, someone purring. Blinking I looked down to see Pinkie, her mane and tail back to normal, purring like a giant pink fluffball of a cat that isn’t planning on eviscerating me.

Darkroot Basin, don’t ask.

I chuckled, “Come on Pinkie. You’ve gotta go and make sure Mr. Cake don’t stir up a lynch mob.” Not that I believe he could.

Pinkie groaned but got off my lap regardless. She did however give me a hug for cheering her up, how I did it I’m not sure, and sedately made her way back to Sugarcube Corner. Or as sedately as a perpetual sugar-rush can that is. I chuckled, then I noticed Twilight looking at me with the oddest expression on her face.

“What?” I ask curiously.

“...Nothing.” Really now? It seemed like you were wanting some petting to me! “Anyway Spike and I got your room ready, follow me please.”

Oh thank the gods! I’m so damned tired!

Here I am laying in the most comfortable thing I’ve ever laid on, that I can consciously remember that is, and I can’t get to bloody sleep! I tried counting Hollows, which really doesn’t sound right but whatever, and meditation. However the situation was taken outta my hands when Twilight entered the room quietly.

She was all sorts of torn up! Red eyes and teary.

I pushed myself upright, ignoring the fact that Twilight started to blush seeing my naked chest.

“What’s wrong Twilight?” I asked quietly.

Twilight didn’t respond; in fact she looked to be struggling with something. That something became known when she suddenly barrelled into my chest and started crying saying she was sorry over and over again. I’ll admit for a few minutes I had no idea what she was going on about.

Then I remembered what Celly said to me, about most of these girls being unfamiliar with death.

Now here’s the question… how am I suppose to handle this? I mean… I’m not really the comforting sort. But well there’s a first time for everything right? I mean… how hard could it be right?

I tentatively wrap my arms around the crying pony and petted her mane trying to comfort her. Not sure if I’m doing a good job though.

--->>>Twilight<<<---

I haven’t cried like this since Shiny had to leave for basic training a couple years ago! I know rationally that Ardeo doesn’t hold a grudge over his death. From his stories Ardeo isn’t a stranger to dying do I know there is no grudge to be held. But tell that to your emotions!

But when he gave me a hug, a rather tentative one, and started to pet my mane I won’t deny the blush that bloomed on my muzzle.

“It’s okay Twilight, it was an accident. I’m not angry or anything at you or the girls.” Ardeo mustn’t be use to comforting anypony! He sounds so awkward!

“I-I know.” I choked out, “B-But you D-DIED! How can you f-forgive so easily?” Now this answer I really want to hear!

Ardeo fell silent, probably thinking over how to explain, but he didn’t ease up his hug or his petting. Eventually my crying eventually died down replaced by sniffles and hiccups. I pulled back a little, not breaking the hug, and looked at Ardeo. I absentminded thought that I must look like a mess, red eyes from crying, probably a runny nose. I bet Rarity would faint if she saw me!

“I can forgive you because what happened was an accident, plain and simple.” How can he brush of dying so easily!? “Besides I’ve died so many times it honestly doesn’t bother me anymore. Besides that was probably the most pleasant death I’ve ever experienced.” Pleasant!?

“How could dying be pleasant!?” I would’ve screeched but I didn’t want to wake Spike.

“Whatever that rainbow beam thing does it felt… warm. Peaceful even. I felt a calm I haven’t felt in a long time.” I… I totally didn’t take into account how the purifying and harmonic magics would affect Ardeo!

I didn’t say anything but returned to my previous position and Ardeo resumed his petting. I know I should feel insulted to being petted like a pet but still… it feel rather good. And besides it calmed me down to where I could ponder over how the Elements affected Ardeo. I’m somewhat ashamed that I didn’t think of it earlier!

I don’t know how much time passed but Ardeo pulled me out of my thoughts, “As much as I enjoy hugging you I think it’s best you get to bed.” I could almost hear his smirk!

I broke away, my blush which had faded returned with a fiery vengeance, and I trotted off quickly as Ardeo laughed.

”Maker, Ardeo is such an overgrown foal!”

--->>>Ardeo<<<---

Watching Twilight leave all ablush as I laugh was honestly just too gods damn cute! Laying back down, still laughing all the while, I started to think.

”Gods… I’m suppose to help the others as well!” The sudden enormity of the undertaking just hit me, as I doubt the others would be simple.

Okay… let’s think about this. Twilight? Well… while not done I don’t think I’ll have too much trouble really. Apple… something? Honestly… no bloody clue. She seems like one of those hard headed peop- ponies. Same with that rainbow maned one, what was her name anyway? Rainbow something. Bah whatever!

Now that white unicorn… Rarity I think. Now one that one’s going to be a pain. I don’t know jack about psychology and I can tell that pony is in denial of the worst sorts! Honestly if she hadn’t just been traumatised I’d probably think her denial to be rather amusing!

Then Pinkie… gods does anything really faze that pony-creature? I guess I’ll have to talk to her about it though. And it won’t be fun. Or maybe it will? I honestly don’t know for sure.

And then there’s Fluttershy… now that right there is a very appropriate name for such a timid pony!

I’ll be quite honest I think Celly’s crazy for saying Fluttershy is familiar with death! I mean… seriously? For gods sake even when I was Human the pony looked bloody terrified of me! Granted conjuring that Great Chaos Fireball probably didn’t help but still.

Gods… just go to sleep Ardeo! You’ll figure it all out as you go along.

Closing my eyes I allowed myself to relax.